#tw implied dissociation

[ask-utayaboy]

okok, I knowwww u said u wanted all the questions at once but each part has like....questions within questions and yknow what I'll just send em all and u do it at ur own pace, ok? then, I'll tell u what it all means!

The questions under each part are to guide you, but try to describe it with as much detail as you can if you want more detailed results hehe (or not, it's up to you, just whatever u want) hope ur ready for this one, Kabru!! (and dear mod lol)

⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛

Imagine you're in a desert (or any room really) and come across a cube…

How large is it? What is it made of?Where exactly is it in the area? Is it buried under sand (or whatever the ground's made up of) or sitting on top? Is it floating in the air? Is it moving? Is there anything inside of it? What's the surrounding area like?

Upon observing the cube, you see a ladder…

What material is it made from? How tall is it? Where is it in relation to the cube? What's the state of the ladder; does it seem sturdy or more frail?

Now picture a horse…

How far is it from the cube? What is it doing? Which way is it moving? What does it look like? Is the horse tied up or roaming free? Is it wearing a saddle? What sort of mood does the horse seem to be in?

Next, picture a flower…

Where is it in comparison to the cube?How many do you see? What kinda flowers are they? Are they healthy?

Then, a thunderstorm begins…

Is it big or small? Violent or calm? What is the distance between the storm and the cube? Does the storm affect the ladder, horse, or cube? Does it affect you? How does the storm make you feel?

- 🥣 anon

Okay .. um ...

The cube is sitting in a.. hole in the sand. It's about the size of my palm - and .. There's nothing around besides me and the cube. It -

I ..

How - Sorry, what is this for?

[xx-rememberthepast-xx]

[thygoodvibez]

Trapper asked; What's your Pyro vision like? Is it also extremely colorful and filled with nothing but pure joy, or something different?

[majestydeerakuma]

(The Episode of “This is your knife”): *exists*

(Me): *adds angsty epilogue*

—

Anyways, a comic where Fliqpy realizes Flippy exists (more of a thing that happens in my own AU of sorts)

(Honestly, my favorite panel is the last one on the second image)

[kaddyssammlung]

Heartstopper (Netflix Season 3)

[raisans-art]

Brothers starter is so messed up because even in the scenerio that Emmet gets to be human again, hes not been human for at least a decade. Can he even go back to living like that? Hes legally dead, he never finished school or made human connections outside of Ingo and even then the connection between a pokemon and human is far different from two humans. He doesnt really have a reason to try being human again apart from giving ingo back his twin, not even a reason for himself.

You can never go home again.

[m3lting0ffth3b0nez]

i doesn't matter how clearly i speak or try to convey my thoughts and emotions it just never clicks with anyone else. i swear to fucking god im gonna have to spend the rest of my life frantically trying to explain my thought process to everyone around me

[stymecoulli]

i watched an angst tiktok, like, ONCE

something something leo thinks he has died when he went to the prison dimension and he’s living thinking he is in the afterlife and his brothers and the world around him is not a reality. his bros naturally don’t take this lightly.

(based on when leo says “took you guys long enough” when his brothers rescue him. he didn’t think they were rescuing him; mikey was NOT powerful enough, there was no way leo was saved. so he just. thinks they’re unreal because he didn’t expect them to come. he thinks hes being pulled into his limbo his afterlife AFTER HE HAS DIED. i do not remember who made this idea on tiktok but it ROTS in my BRAIN /pos)

reblog greatly appreciated ❤️

tws in tags (stay safe)

[hoglinz]

exile selfie ! !

[ani-and-the-corries-au]

Hey people, this post is a little different than my usual ones.

I kinda wanted to post something on the 4th/5th but time got away from me.

I have a lot of snippets and segments of ideas from stories in this au that I wrote up.

This is... Sort of the extended segment of my little "Fox and Anakin's first meeting" snippet.

There will probably be more to follow this but for now, I hope you enjoy this little chunk of story.

Autumn

••••••

"We put republic resources into your upkeep, and the bare minimum we expect in return is that you do the jobs that you were made for." The Senate guard fumed.

Anakin pushed himself back into the corner behind the trio of Clones who had all moved in front of him. The familiar mantra of 'I'm not here, there's nothing to see.' ran through his head even as he watched the exchange.

"The Chancellor has decided to cut a third of your funding until he believes that the guard has earned it back CC-1010." The man snapped.

"We need that funding to get supplies for the Men Sir." The clone said, and it almost seemed pleading even through the vocoder. And Anakin felt the surge of concern from the unfamiliar Clone Commander. 

"We're already struggling to get enough supplies after the last cut."

The other Man only snorted derisively. But Anakin was more interested by the surprise blooming in the force from the troopers around him in response to the Commander’s words.

"Perhaps you should put in more work into being worth your upkeep then." He said shortly.

And that didn't seem fair. It seemed to Anakin like the Corries did plenty of work, honestly he thought that maybe the Senators and other guards should be a little more grateful to them.

"Also, you will gather together every useless Clone that failed to stop the attack and bring them to us for proper disciplinary action.” The guard commander sneered, expression so much like that of an especially smug Master that Anakin couldn't help but lean away.

"If it were up to me I'd have them all sent for reconditioning, but unfortunately it's not.". He seemed to be enjoying this interaction a little too much.

Anakin wasn't sure what reconditioning was, but the fear that had soaked the force around them at the words spoke for itself. Anakin wasn't sure what proper disciplinary action entailed either. But the overly pleased look on the other guards face and the fear in the air brought to mind images of Electro whips and beatings, water and food restrictions, abandoning people to the freezing nights or biting sandstorms for even minor provocations.

He quickly pushed those thoughts away, this was Coruscant, not the slave yards. Things worked differently here. It was fine. Even if the words felt suspiciously like a lie even in his own head.

"Don't Talk back to me, Clone." The man snarled, snapping Anakin out of his thoughts.

He must have missed part of the conversation but he came back in time to see the man grabbing hold of the front of the commander's armor. "You do what the republic tells you, you got that? we say send half the guard to the Lower levels, you send the guard." He leaned in closer, expression angry. 

"We tell you to send your useless men back to Kamino to be Reconditioned, you send those men."

He reached in and ripped off the Clone commander's helmet. Anakin couldn't help but notice that the Clone Commander hadn't moved a muscle since the other man had grabbed his armor, he was frozen staring straight forward, short curly hair tumbling into blank eyes as the helmet came off and hit the ground with force.

"You do, as we say." The man snarled, leaning in again. "We could order you to execute your own soldiers and you'd have no choice but to obey." 

He reached up and grabbed the silent man's face. "We own you, Every pound of duplicated flesh that comes from Kamino is ours, and we will do what we wish with it, do you understand?"

"Yes Sir."

In the back of his head Anakin had the feeling that he shouldn't be here, that he was seeing something that an outsider shouldn't see. But the thoughts were dulled by the Man's words echoing in his head. 

'We own you.' He didn't want to think about it, didn't want to look at the picture that was slowly coming together in his head.

The guards almost never spoke unless addressed. They were entirely ignored unless someone needed them or took some kind of issue with them. The entire Senate seemed to treat the guard, the clones as lesser than them. He thought back to the interaction he and Padme had crashed, how the two aids had been talking about them. He'd thought that there was something wrong with how the guards were treated in the Senate, but did it go deeper than that.

'we own you.' 

Slavery was illegal in the republic, they had rules against it, Qui-Gon had told him so. 

Maybe the man meant something else, but Anakin was having trouble seeing what else 'we own you' could mean.

Anakin pressed himself further against the wall, he didn't hear whatever else the Man said over the screaming in his ears, he couldn't tell if it was his own thoughts or the force pressing in around him. He wanted to be wrong, he had to be, he couldn't. It couldn't.

"..Ad..? Are you ok..?" A hand brushed his shoulder and he started, looking up into the helmeted face of one of the Clones.

From further away he heard snippets of voices.

"Wait, what do you mean he heard everything?"

"Fox, he's just a kid, he's not going to do anything."

He tried to peer around 'Twelve-Sixteen' to see what was going on, he could still feel distressed in the air, but it had a desolate edge to it now.

'Twelve-Sixteen' Knelt down in front of him.

"Hey, it's ok Ad'ika. Don't worry about any of that ok?"

He was trying to sound cheery, but Anakin could feel the nerves underneath the false cheer. He opened his mouth to say something, but instead of agreement or a confirmation of understanding, the words that spilled out were the ones echoing around his head.

"..They own you..?"

The words came out far louder than he'd ment them, and suddenly all four clones were looking at him. The Commander, who had put his helmet back on, sighed Audibly.

"The Coruscant guard and Grand Army of the republic are both republic property." The man said he sounded tired, like he didn't want to have this conversation.

"But… they, they can't." Anakin stammered, pushing to his feet. "You're People." 

The clone who'd been talking to the commander shook his head. "Maybe to you Ad'ika, but not to most Nat borns."

"They bought us off of the Kaminoans." 'Twelve-Sixteen' told him, shrugging. "If they hadn't brought us, we wouldn't exist."

That did not make Anakin feel better, in fact somehow that was worse. 

"But… they're not - this isn't the outer rim." Anakin stammered. The one thing in the way of his discovery was the fact that Qui-gon had said that Slavery wasn't legal in the Republic, but… that had been ten years ago… had that changed?

The guard commander sighed, if Anakin focused he could feel the storm of emotions around him.

"No, it's not, Welcome to Coruscant." He said flatly. 

"Now, you really shouldn't be here, go back to your Jedi." 

The Commander turned and stormed off, but he didn't seem angry, just tired, so so Tired.

Anakin felt frozen, even as his mind was spinning with thoughts, unfamiliar pieces clipping together into a picture that was all too familiar even as the setting was the furthest thing from.

"Ad'ika…?"

"I.." Anakin stepped away, his hands balling into fists. "...I… They…"

The words weren't coming, but he could feel the worry and resigned acceptance suffusing the air around them.

When he eventually did find words, they weren't addressing the fact that his new friends weren't what he'd thought, maybe weren't even Free like he'd thought.

"...I… can you… I need to talk to Padme… do.. Do you know where I can find her…?"

[ask-utayaboy]

*quietly hands him an ice cube*

- berry anon (ooc: I've heard it helps? I'm not sure though, sorry if it's wrong)

He .. takes the ice cube and simply holds it in his hands. Who knows what he'll do with it? He's got it now. Maybe it'll melt in his palms. He'd probably let it. At least it's something.

[h-didanart]

…. So Nexus right?

I haven’t watched the episodes but I’ve heard about how he basically tortured Ruin and Moon by digging through their memories and stuff.

Which

Kinda

Might’ve

Given me an idea

It’s not canon to the au, of course but

But like

I can’t just not do something with it

So

Trigger warnings: Dissociation, panic attacks, flashbacks (though they don’t show heavy violence), implied torture, implied SA (? It might not be super obvious to those unfamiliar with the main au//fic)

Extra warnings: I got feelings when writing this, so, uh, you’re probably going to cry. As always, Bloodmoon is an unreliable narrator, even more so in the type of mental state they’re at here. Read safely

———

And You Drop Us Like That In A Nexus Of Torment

———

They stared at the ground, claws shaking as they tried to lift themselves up. Their breathing was ragged and their vision was blurry, barely able to make out the patch of grass they had been dropped at.

They winced at the ache in their joints, but managed to sit up. Their arms moved to hug themselves after a second.

They were alive. They survived. They… where were they?

They looked around, tensing up at the darkness that surrounded them.

It was dark. It was so dark they can’t see—faint light.

Faint light behind them. There was a source of light. They had to focus on that.

They turned to the light, a blurry mess of yellow and white standing in the distance.

They had to get closer.

They had to get away.

They moved to stand, legs giving out at first before they tried again.

Once they were standing they moved to approach the light source, trying to ignore the way their injuries burned with every move— they don’t have injuries, they do, they don’t, then why can they feel the gashes in their legs? They aren’t real, but they are there, they’re not there, they never left, they did, they can feel him, he isn’t here, they’re gonna die, they won’t, they’re gonna die, they—

Tripped and fell.

They sat up, tears falling to the ground.

They can’t think about that.

They had to keep walking.

They had to focus.

They had to make it home.

They stood up again, now face to face with what seemed like a house.

They knew that house.

They stared at the house and its bright lights. There were people inside.

Maybe they could help. At least they would be better than I’ve always been curious about what really happened in October- Don’t -Let’s see what you have to hide~- Please

A hand went up to their mouth to muffle the sob that escaped.

Keep it together.

They took a breath and walked up to the door.

Slowly they raised a hand to knock, but hesitated. They rubbed harshly at their eyes, suddenly self conscious of what they undoubtedly looked like.

They took a shaky breath and finally knocked.

It wasn’t a very loud knock. They steadied themselves and knocked again.

They let their arm fall back down, other arm wrapping around themselves tightly. They stared at the door, anxiously waiting for whomever would open it.

After a while, they got their answer. A yellow figure with striped pants stood there, probably confused if not scared. Not like there was much to be scared of.

They tried to look at his face, their gaze immediately dropping to the floor the second one of his rays came into view.

It was muffled but they heard him say their name. It kinda sounded like their name, at least.

They took a breath and their voice box crackled on. But nothing came out. They tried again, getting straight to the point.

“Is Solar home?”

All of them stood there in silence for some time.

Sun moved to the side.

The door did not close.

They stared at him- as much of him as they could see at the moment. He gestured to the area inside.

They glanced inside, then back at Sun.

They watched him hesitate before reaching out a hand towards them. They looked at it, for a long time. And slowly their own hand went up to his.

He guided them into the house.

A pressure let up in their chest.

The inside was brighter than the outside, and the smell of cat fur and sweet foods put them at ease.

They found themselves sitting at a couch a moment later. They heard as Sun left, his footsteps followed by a different set of footsteps.

Their footsteps echo through the la—daycare He’s leaving them to die

They brought their knees to their chest, burying their face in them.

They’re on the flo— against a play structure They can’t move He’s laughi— dead silent

They clutched at their hood.

They just want it to stop

A burning sensation started bubbling in their chest, their breathing only accelerated with it.

Not here. Not here.

They heard themselves whine as they ground their teeth together in a ditch effort to avoid the inevitable.

For the love of God not here.

They felt a wet cloth land in their head.

Their claws immediately reached up at it, their legs pushing them against the couch’s corner.

Someone sat close to them.

They stared for a second or two.

Tears started pouring out of their eyes before they even pounced on him. He held them gently, rubbing circles on their back.

They still couldn’t let themselves break down however, they had to warn him. But the only thing that could come out of their voice box was sobbing, and they wouldn’t be able to stop once they started.

They held tighter onto him.

A feeling of weightlessness overtook them, only making them cling onto him more. And then a door closed.

They were in his room.

They looked up at him. Solar looked back at them.

They… supposed they could cry for a bit. He wouldn’t judge. He wouldn’t laugh.

They could do that then.

So they let the sobs escape, and they let themselves shake in his hold, and they let themselves be scared. And through it all he held them, and he cradled them, and he comforted them.

That’s all they needed at that moment.

[loaffofbred]

joe?

[fallenwhumpee]

Promise

• Part 1 • Part 2 • Masterlist •

Warnings: Medieval settings, blood, battlefield, dissociation.

"We are not taking that mission!" Healer shouted to Leader, their head stretched back to stare at Leader. "We don't take missions in villages. And this won't be an exception."

"Like it or not," Leader towered over them, putting a hand to their chest to stop them from getting closer. "We don't have any choice in that. We can't abandon our lands to the enemy. We will fight."

Leader watched as the anger got more intense in Healer's eyes.

"You will send us to slaughter! You know we don't do well in the missions involving civilians. The team..."

"No one will visit you after this." Leader cut sharply. "I promise. I won't let my team pull their usual stunts."

"You can't just stop them from taking a blow for some random stranger."

"Have more faith in me. When did I get us into something we can't handle?" Leader tried again. They needed Healer to see their point.

Healer looked at them for one more moment before sighing and averting their eyes. "But I'm not patching anyone after this."

"That's the spirit. Now pack up. We're leaving with the lunch."

Healer nodded, leaving Leader alone. Leader made their way to their room in the guild's barracks. They closed the door behind them slowly, letting their shoulders drop.

"I don't know what should I do," they admitted to the haunting heaviness hovering over them. A moment later, the familiar bone deep feeling of loneliness washed over them, and they had to lean on their desk to stay standing as their strength drained from their body for a moment.

"I can't  keep going on like this." They muttered to themselves  after it. This was getting beyond their control.

Stopping their thoughts to save their sanity, straightening their stance slowly. They walked over their wardrobe and pulled out a large shield, their sword and armour. They couldn't help but stare at them for a moment before starting to get dressed. The armour over their skin was the only thing that made them feel secure in those days. The only thing they felt like they belonged to.

Not their team.

Despite loving them dearly - and being loved back - Leader was not a part of the team. They were the sword and the shield between them and the enemy, but not a part of it. It was just according to the regulations. Leader couldn't afford to be among the people they were sworn to protect. It never ended well.

Slowly pulling the straps and locking the metal pieces into each other, Leader abandoned thinking altogether. A moment of peace was needed, and they found it relaxing just to do something and not think. They only left their helmet out, putting their long sword to its sheath on their back, placing the very large shield over it. Making sure it's secure, they packed two set of clothes and some water. They were ready to depart.

But their eyes lingered in the big room, checking it for a last time. Their bed was tidy, so the other... They averted their eyes. They forgot nothing. There was no need to torment themselves more.

Stepping out of the suffocating room, Leader felt heaviness linger over them for one more second, but they smiled when they saw their team and ignored the feeling.

"We are ready to depart." Right Hand walked a step forward. "Briefed about the mission. The place looks good for defence. I don't understand why they need reinforcements there."

"They need replacements. And I've heard it's nearing the end. The enemy is giving up. Just need some more pushing."

Leader walked past the team after glancing at everyone, the smile on their face not faltering despite the emptiness pulling their mouth down. They got into their house with one move, the shield messing with their balance a little. It was vast, even for Leader. They had never understood how...

No. Leader wasn't hoping to think about them. Leader had to keep their head there and then. They simply turned to the horizon and rode the horse.

"The battle will be already going on when we arrive," Leader said after they covered a significant distance. "I want you to stay close and work as one unit. You will just hold the defence until another order, either from the general leading the battle or from me. I need you to fight as long as you can, in the other words, do not try something idiotic because none of you will be useful if you're dead."

That gained some chuckles but also nods. Good. Leader needed them to stay alive and well. They made a promise, after all.

The rest of the ride was silent on Leader's part, listening to their comrades and keeping an eye on everything. They only slowed down once they reached the narrow gate, the last lights of sun already departed, leaving them in dark. The battle sounds began to give Leader goosebumps. They felt their heartbeat match with the distant clatter of metal and shouts, their hand instinctively reaching their sword.

The team hid the horses, getting ready to dive into the battle. Without a word, Leader drew their sword, the weight of it familiar in their grip. They blew out a breath and scanned the scene before them. Their focus shifted to their team.

"Stay close," they felt the need to warn.

Without further orders, the team advanced. The disgusting smell of blood-soaked soil once again filled their lungs, the ground beneath them shook. There was nothing, nothing that could distract them from doing what was right. They would not attack, never attack, but they also wouldn't hold back their sword raised to protect.

When Leader's blade met the enemy's for the first time, their focus was absolute, every movement precise and calculated. The clash of metal, the cries of the soldiers, and the roar of battle filled the air, a chaotic symphony that set their heart racing. They moved with a single-minded purpose, their sword an extension of their will, their body.

When their body caught up with their mind, they shifted their focus. Their limbs moved with the will to survive, while they could finally take off their mind from... all of that.

Their eyes found their team, which was holding themselves very well without any help. But Leader could see the telltale signs. Very few civilians were left on battlefield, but their team was already making a safe circle for them, but not as careful as Leader would like.

Still, Leader trusted their team. They trusted and went on, avenging their sword with swift motions. Their one eye was still on their team, and they could see the enemy finding more and more openings.

It was the last straw when they saw Teammate nearly dropped their sword under pressure.

"I hate doing your job," they muttered to the air, taking out their shield. They gripped the shield tightly, their focus shifting entirely to the task at hand. With practised precision, they positioned themselves between their team and the enemy, using the shield to deflect blows and create openings for counterattacks.

Blow after blow made Leader falter, their arms getting heavier from carrying the large shield with one and their heavy sword with the other. Still, they kept their footing as the shield absorbed blow after blow.

When the shield was slammed to their chest by another shield, Leader's breath were knocked out of their lungs, a crack sound lost in the loud clash of two sturdy metal. Leader gasped and relieved the pressure by stepping aside, the motion causing them to lose balance but gain some space. They swung their sword, managing to get under the armour of the enemy general— but also being the victim of the same move.

Their shoulder was stinging, the pain sharp and fresh and distracting, but Leader knew they couldn't afford that. They lunged forward, ignoring the strain they put to their shoulder as the pain only became another chaos in the background.

If it was in more friendlier terms, Leader could enjoy the fight with someone even to their strength, but on the battlefield, it only meant danger. A threat to get rid of. As Leader's sword clashed against their opponent's, their focus narrowed. They couldn't afford to be distracted against such opponent. With swift and calculated movements, they parried and struck, each blow getting harder to maintain.

Despite the burning pain in their shoulder, Leader pressed on, their movements fueled by adrenaline and the instinct to survive. With a final, decisive strike, they brought down their opponent, the clash of metal not banging in their ears for the first time as their sword cut the flesh.

With a weary sigh, Leader glanced around at the scene of the battlefield. The enemy forces were retreating, and the villagers were slowly emerging from their hiding places, cautiously reclaiming their homes. Their team, though battered and worn, stood strong beside Leader, thankfully without any injuries. Years of practised efficiency guiding them, they set up a small camp for their remaining, prioritizing the healing tents and such before finally setting up one for themselves.

Leader slid in without being noticed, a small basin of hot water on their hands. They didn't want to join the celebration outside when they felt so dirty after the battle, and they didn't have the strength to do so. Placing the basin next to their makeshift bed, they took of their armour, pain throbbing with their every move. They ripped the thicker set clothes they brought with them, soaking them with hot water and slowly but tightly wrapping their shoulder. They then wore the other set, hiding the handmade bandages. They didn't look terrible, at least.

Taking the remaining fabric, Leader begun cleaning their armour, the simple and repetitive motion calming their breaths and relaxing their muscles. While tending to their armor for what felt like an eternity, Leader's thoughts were empty, as if the cloth and water could wash away all of their problems. They set aside the cloth foe a moment before they took the shield, the metal gleaming faintly in the dim light of the small gas lamp, the blood over it turning to a dark coloir. They sighed heavily, feeling the weight of exhaustion settling.

They could wash their armour, their sword sloppily, but they could never think of doing that to the shield. Not their shield, the shield, that once belonged to Leader's dear friend, Caretaker. Leader smiled at the imaginary of Caretaker freaking over the possibility of their shield getting Rusty, but Leader's smile soon turned bitter. Caretaker would be freaking out, only if they had been alive...

Just as they were about to pick the cloth again, a voice broke through the silence of the tent.

"Leader?"

Leader glanced up to see Healer standing at the entrance, their expression a mix of concern and hesitation.

"Yes?" Leader replied, their voice as flat as ever.

Healer stepped inside, their eyes scanning Leader's weary form. "I... I wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have questioned your judgment earlier. I understand now that you were doing what you thought was best for everyone, and I should've teusted you not to pick up a mission that may compromise the team. You were right on your promise. No one from our team visited me tonight."

Leader stated Healer for a moment, progressing the words. "It's alright," they assured. "I'm just glad that this ended well."

Healer nodded, smiling with relief. "I also wanted to invite you to join the celebrations outside. The villagers are grateful for our help, and they want to thank us."

Leader shook their head slowly. "I appreciate the invitation, but I think I'll pass.."

Healer's expression fell slightly, but they nodded understandingly. "I... Okay... Just know that you're always welcome if you change your mind."

"Thank you," Leader smiled softly. I'll keep that in mind."

With a final nod, Healer left the tent, leaving Leader alone with their thoughts once again. With not much left to do, Leader cleaned the shield while listening yo the celebrations and ignoring their thought before curling up into their bed, the lively chatter outside serving as the lullaby to defend Leader's mind feom nightmarish memories.

[themostsanebug]

MOON LORE MOON LORE FINALLY RAGRRHRH!!!!!! (tw for suicide/self harm, derealization, mentions of misgendering, abuse, and implied sa.)

moon wasnt. always known as moon. lynn was the name xe started with. the name xe carried throughout xis first life. the name that hardly ever left the mouths of those xe was surrounded by. the name that was only used when xe messed up. "lynn how could you break something of this value?" "lynn, you cant even pass a simple math test? you truly are a failure. start taking after your sister." xe never liked it. xe never liked xis name. even so, it came with attention! something xe was rather starved of. living with a sister who was always held above your head as the better one would lead anyone to do dumb things to get that kind of attention. no matter how extreme. which resulted in xem harming xemself and acting out in class to get detention or any other form of punishment, not like xe was able to ever do good in class anyway. all of the numbers were jumbled and even when xe wrote it was never as good as xis sisters. xis sister who was pretty, smart, and able to do whatever ze put zir mind to. everything xe couldnt. still, xe never found xemself hating zir. after all, how could xe? comet was the only person who gave them any positive attention, made sure xe was fed and relatively happy, helped xem after xe hurt xemself. which gave them more reason to do it. "anything for the attention", xis mind told xem.

even comet forgot about xem eventually however. ze got too caught up in zir work, extracurriculars, everything their parents kept zir busy with. moon grew desperate. xis freak outs became more often. the scars on xis arms racked up, deeps cuts into xis flesh. a cry for help that went mostly unanswered. even as xis blood stained the carpets and sink, xis parents never seemed to care. just saw it as another flaw of xis. hell, xe was even admitted to a mental hospital a few times. not like that helped at all. just another place xe got neglected.

on xis 18th birthday, xe grew fed up with it. everything really. xe hardly felt like a person. xis sister barely talked to xem, xis parents didnt bother mentioning xem, xe dropped out of school due to lack of understanding. xe had nothing left for xem. as a birthday gift to xemself, xe finally answered that little voice in the back of xis head and took xis own life. xe shouldve done it sooner, really. the pills surrounding xis body was the only evidence of what had truly happened. xe was so happy it was all over.

up until. xe started on xis second life. a new body. a new look. a moon head hovering boldly over xis shoulders. a tail held high and proud behind xem. a blank canvas. xe was confused when xe first found xemself in xis new universe. xe still had all the same problems. xe still found xemself with a blade in xis hands more days that not, cutting deep into xis flesh, blue blood staining xis hands. xe didnt understand. if xe was brought back, was it only to continue the same cycle as before? of tearing xemself to shreds until xe physically couldnt?

xe eventually landed xemself with a job. an admittedly shitty one at a fast food restaurant, but it was a job. and it came with one of xis first ever friends. or at least what xe thought was a friend. despite being constantly berated and verbally insulted. misgendered and, hell, sometimes even abused. xe still clung to this person. even as xe was slowly beat into the dust. xe couldnt bear to lose them. so xe simply put up with it all. everything. all xe wanted was someone to stay with xem.

this person didnt help xem in the slightest. an unhealthy relationship attached to an unhealthy obsession. one moon couldnt get rid of. no matter what xe had to endure. even as the bruises on xis flesh became more frequent and xe couldnt bear to look in the mirror in fear of seeing what xe had become. xe couldnt stomach the thought of looking at xemself. was xe even real? why couldnt xe remember anything? what had happened to xem?

this person eventually left xem behind. of course they did. they didnt have anymore use for xem. xe wasnt any fun anymore. they had broken xem down to practically nothing. no reaction came from anything they did. why would they stick around? of course, moon couldnt exactly handle that either. xe spiraled again. xe lost that job xe held onto in order to be with that person, xe ended up losing where xe was living not too soon after, xe admitted xemself into another mental hospital just so xe had somewhere to stay. despite the fact that even in there xe found ways to harm xemself.

its almost like xe was being mocked. xis first life was bad but xis second was worse. still neglected. just with an extra helping of trauma. the overwhelming urge to be enough for the next person who dared to care for xem. xe truly couldnt bear to be in xis own head half the time. most days felt like xe was simply watching xis body go through the day until it eventually fell asleep.

things did get better for xem though! as the years rolled by, xe found xemself out of the mental hospital. back in an actual house. it didnt belong to xem however, it belonged to xis sister who had somehow managed to find xem even in this universe. even after all the hell xes been through, comet was there to save xem again. xe didnt even bring up the fact that ze sortve abandoned xem in their first life, xe was just so happy to have someone again.

upon having someone to actually keep xemself stable, xe managed to get some help education wise. xe even got a job! at another shitty restaurant, sure, but xis boss was really sweet! even with the phone head. xis life was finally looking up despite the occasional spiral here and there. xe even ended up in a polyamorous relationship. xe finally had people who cared. and what more could xe need? xe had xis partners, xis sister, xis son and his kids. xe finally had a family. people to put the effort in for. and mental issues be damned if xe wasnt going to put all xis effort in to keep this family together.

[rauhallinen-hauki]

the wrong man in the right place, and the me that is and isn't there

something weird with the main idea being "Alyx meets Adrian in the inter-dimensional void thru vortessence after being fatally wounded by a hunter in ep 2"