#tw fear of suicide

[dykedvonte]

Curly not immediately punishing Jimmy for assaulting Anya is something I don’t think a lot of people are viewing in the complex context for Curly as the superior to both of them and closest confidante they had.

Like I am in no way saying he didn’t under react or fail Anya by not being harsh or direct with Jimmy but it really is the case that he really couldn’t. Imagine being stuck in such a confined space with very little areas to genuinely hold someone if they commit a crime. It’s not like this was an event that occurred before they departed or that they have easy communication with The Pony Express to ask for how to proceed when something like this arises. Not to mention, Jimmy’s relative power in relation to Anya as the co-pilot and second in command, he has the knowledge and access to do something to her had Curly directly punished him in this setting.

They were also Curly’s friends. It’s not just the case of him mediating something between his subordinates but people he is personally invested in don’t want to see spiral further in Anya’s case while also not wanting believe his friend go that bad in Jimmy’s actions. They were both suicidal and Curly putting Jimmy’s stability first is both out of bias but also the fact he’s aware at some level Jimmy is a danger to himself and others if not constantly placated. Combined with the fact he was in denial or just not piecing together what Anya said it’s hard to say what he buying time for and what he had treat as urgent. This isn’t even saying he doesn’t care about Anya but he’s not going jump to the worst conclusions about his friends even if part of him acknowledges the evidence saying so. It’s a complicated thing but he’s still human and needed to process it on top of trying to keep a ship that already took on a lot of water from further sinking, metaphorically.

I just personally think that while Curly failed Anya, it was a scenario where there wasn’t much he could do to the best thing by her safely and like Jimmy, we are underestimating what a good leader would do in a very fragile and tense situation like he was in. By the time he may have been ready and had a plan, things were much too late.

[jellyvibes710]

A moment In his thoughts

A moment to himself

Not a moment of doubt

Be selfish he told himself, yet he can’t seem to do that.

A moment of arrogance and he almost lost all he holds close

Just a moment

Was all it took to lose himself.

Death never scared him

But the thoughts of losing all that made him who he was made his blood run cold

It’s the only thing keeping him going most days

He’s scared

He’s scared to lose all the lessons he’s learned, he’s scared to lose his brothers smiles, scared to lose the comfort of his dads hugs, scared to lose the hum of his twins rants that never failed to put him to sleep, to lose his baby brother’s affection, to lose his older brother’s hope in making him a better leader, to lose his sister’s care.

Maybe he’s always been selfish, what had he ever gave them?

Nothing that he knows of.

What a nuisance

The noose around their necks

The brick tied to their ankles

A parasite that eats their minds

A pest.

He watches as the blood drains from his body, getting lost in the glow of stars

A moment to himself

A moment in his thoughts

A moment of numbness

A moment of silence

A moment of acceptance

The process of giving up

His eyes fall close

He allows the flicker of hope to sizzle out

Lost in stars, lost in his mind, his body a husk of what it once was

A roar in the distance echos through the endless sky

And he allows death to enter his doorway

He felt a soft warmth itch across his cold scales

In his final moments, he allows himself to let his tears slip through his closed eyes, feeling as they dripped off to be lost in the depths of space along with the rest of him

He feels a familiar warmth and he allows himself to lean into it, and pull him into the light

[askspookyfox]

When you're capable of fear, I promise that I'll be having a taste~ 😈

[fungerhead]

Old darce doodle (I rendered the metal on the lineart for some fucking reason) plus a doodle of her with her awful man thing 😒

I love her fuckass bowl cut i love her so much

[hold-on-a-little-longer-whump]

Huge huge huge fan of this very niche trope that I don't see NEARLY enough of! When the whumpee has the ability to reincarnate/revive to a state of perfect health, but no healing abilities, and so - when things come to a head and whumpee is mortally wounded, they're resigned to the fact that it would just be easier to die and come back. But - but don't you see??? How devastating would it be for their teammates to be desperately doing everything they can to keep whumpee alive? How traumatizing it would be for them when whumpee pries their bloodied hands off so they will hurry up and die, so the pain will stop? How sickening it would be when whumpee tells them that everything's fine, to let them go? How awful would it be for whumpee if their team refuses to let them go without trying everything in their power, which just prolongs whumpee's suffering?

Yeah? Got that in your brain?

Now imagine that again, but their teammates don't have any idea that whumpee can come back.

[candyheartedchy]

Not sure how to feel about that last reblog now.

[clockwayswrites]

Specter of Starlight - Part 1

Summary:

Tim meets a specter of a ghost on a roof. He doesn't know that, not at first. At first he just meets a friend. It's only later he becomes very, very scared for him.

Content warning:

While I promise a happy ending, this fic does not start out happy. The start of this fic deals with (mistaken) suicidal ideation. Neither character is, but the assumption is made and there's a lot of internal thoughts about running into someone on a ledge in the middle of the night and how to handle that. Proceed carefully, darlings.

Wc: 666 (coincidentally spooky)

_____

Sometimes a person on a roof was just a person on a roof— someone out to get some fresh air or distance or space. Sometimes a person on a roof was a tragedy waiting to happen. As protectors of the city, the Bats had to learn to tell the difference.

They tried to stop every time that they could, just in case, but when they were in the middle of a chase or attack they had to make a call. They all had choices that haunted them. They could only make the best guess based on what they knew. Obvious apartment complexes, lower buildings, people on the phone or smoking, in the middle of the roof— if they didn’t have the time, those were usually safe to pass on. Tonight it was an office building, several stories high, a person sitting on the edge of the building as silent and still as the stone gargoyle they were next to. Tonight Tim wasn’t going to risk passing by. At least the figure was looking up and not down. Maybe it was okay. Please be okay. Tim landed lightly, almost soundlessly, on the roof. Still, he saw the shoulders of the person stiffen ever so slightly. They had heard him. Tim let the toe of his boot catch purposefully on the aggregate of the roof— let himself be obvious in his presence. He went kept wide. It was far enough away not to be a threat (that was a lie, Tim would always be a threat) but close enough that at this height he would have time to catch the person if they jumped. With ease, Tim hopped up onto the ledge and let his feet dangle out over the open air. For him the height was comforting, an old friend. “What brings you all the way up here?” Don’t ask them if they’re going to jump. Don’t ask them if they’re that far gone. Don’t cement the idea in their mind. Out of the corner of his eye, Tim took in what details he could in dim light. Dark hair— black likely but possibly dark brown. Late teens likely, early twenties if they were a late bloomer. Which was possible. They’re far too lean— lean enough to be pushing into gaunt. Bright blue eyes flicked to look at Tim and then back up to the sky. “Stargazing.” Tim stared up at the cloud cover that was so thick not a bit of starlight sneaked through. They snorted, as if reading Tim’s mind. “Yeah, it’s not being very cooperative.” There’s a subtle drawl to their voice. Midwest accent, Tim’s subconscious supplies, not a Gotham native. Not even someone who’s been here long enough to lose the accent. Just long enough to be up on a roof in the middle of the night. Their voice is almost lost in the night air even though it’s still as death. There’s not a single breeze to snatch their words away, but the voice is still just a little hard to hear. “I don’t think you’re going to be in luck tonight,” Tim replied. “Lady Gotham isn’t known to be accommodating.” They gave a long hum at that, clearly thinking something over. “Guess I’m not really stargazing then.” “So what would you say you’re doing?” Tim tried to keep his voice casual. They gave a little shrug, eyes still glued to the murky sky. “Just… wondering it must be like… to die without getting to see the stars one last time.” Tim jolted towards them instinctively, his hands gripped white knuckled tight on the ledge to avoid reaching out. Don’t do anything that might give them a reason to jump. The stranger glanced at Tim again. A crooked smile graced their lips. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Tim wants to say he’s not scared. It would be a lie. “I’m not up here to jump, I promise. I very much want to live.” Tim wanted desperately to believe that.

_____

AN: Finally wrote the start of this last night when I couldn't sleep. I gave it a rough polish so here it is! I don't know if I'll post all of it on tumblr, as I think I want to play around with chapter pacing for effect, but have this here at least. (Also I cannot tell you how many times I wrote Tim as TIme.) As always, stay delightful.

@michealawithana | @skulld3mort-1fan | @legowerewolf | @tsukihimeyfan | @bahfev

[aingeal98]

I like to think there are two types of mind controlled Cass emergency codes based on the regular Gotham villains that use mental attacks. So for the first instance say the Mad Hatter gets control of Cass. That's a big oh shit moment. If Batgirl is down thanks to a Code Hatter that means every batfam member needs to be calling their superpowered friends for backup because no one is taking any chances after last time when Bruce was all "Let's keep this private and handle it ourselves." and ended up getting kicked around the city by a bloodlusted Cass while the rest of the family either chased after them or Hatter.

But at the same time a Code Hatter is much more preferable to the alternative, which is when she gets hit by Fear Toxin or something similar. Regular mind control they can sort of handle because the villain tends to have a plan for the person they're puppeting. But fear toxin Cass is something else, it's a "Drop everything and find her, yell for Superman if you have to. Just find her and stop her as quickly as possible." situation. It's is a Code Red emergency, batfamily member near the brink of death and needs immediate assistance. Because if left alone with fear gas in her system there's no way Cass doesn't fall back on all her worst mental health moments. Her greatest fear for too long was her own potential as a monster, but she's also very decisive and unafraid of making extreme moves in any battle. This would be no different.

And ultimately they'd all rather deal with a few broken bones than be on 24 hour suicide watch.

[floq]

Can you explain what the whole Twenty One Pilots thing is about? I thought they were a music group but from your posts it seems like there's something else going on.

oh you want me to explain the lore

well i'll try to keep it as simple as possible. you see, the band has been telling this overarching narrative throughout their latest 4 albums (although the story does later incorporate themes from their previous albums and they seem to be connected to the lore in some way). the story is about Clancy, a citizen of this dystopian cement city known as Dema located in the fictional continent of Trench. Dema is ruled by 9 bishops which govern the city under their religion known as Vialism, this religion teaches that self destruction (suicide) is the only way to paradise, and encourge their citizens give in to Vialism and become one the Glorious Gones (this is how they call the citizens who give their lives in the name of Vialism). Nico is the ruler of the nine bishops and the main bad guy of the story.

the story is told by letters written by Clancy in which he recounts his life in Dema, how miserable he is living in there, and his attemps of escaping the city [all the letters can be found in the dmaorg website]. After he succesfully breaches outside the walls, he is tracked down by Nico and made to return back to the city. it is at this moment where he sees a group of people known as the Banditos, these are rebels that leave outside the walls, only known as legends inside Dema. they wear yellow tape around their clothes and live in camps within the wilderness of Trench. Their leader is The Torchebearer, he's the character that firsts sees Clancy and who primarily helps him throughout his journey (that ultimately culminates on overtaking Vialism and the bishops). Here the Banditos help Clancy escape from Dema once again and accept him into their rebellion.

it's all a metaphor for depression and battling your inner demons.

the story keeps going from there, but i think those are the basics to understand what the heck is going on, plus i don't want to spoil everything if you are genuinely interested on learning more. I do recommend watching the music videos related to the lore and the I Am Clancy video, that one is only 4 mins long and it recaps the story pretty well.

that's all i hope it's comprehensible,,

[good-beans]

Sometimes I get stuck thinking there must be more to Hinako's death but then,

Have you ever had one of those irrational fears that your friends are talking about you behind your back? That they aren't 100% satisfied in you? Have a groupchat without you, hang out without you, etc. You have this fear that they're going to turn around one day like "we've been stringing you along but we never actually liked you." And that thought is crushing. (Or maybe god forbid it's happened to you). It's worse than people not liking you. It's the worst betrayal imaginable. It's horrifying. More than your trust, it destroys your self-confidence.

And that's with friends. But the man who said he loved you? The man who smiled at you at the altar as he put a ring on your finger? The man with whom you've placed your life in his hands as his partner on the force? The man you trust with your life during the day and lay down in the same bed with at night? For years?

And suddenly I understand.

[salamandergoo]

[dykedvonte]

I think the only real happy ending scenarios in Mouthwashing are where Anya doesn’t keep the pregnancy. Like not just not keeping the baby but not caring it to term.

In all the scenarios I’ve seen it’s always about how she regains her automy while living with what happened to her with the baby as a representation of learning to move past it but it’s cheap. She also doesn’t want the pregnancy, she says it directly right before she kills herself. Keeping it would forever tie her to him in her mind as an awful little thing that she would also have the guilt of hating. This hypothetical child would have done nothing itself to garner her hate but it is of the person she hates. The person that tried to strip her of her personhood.

I think the focus of a happy end in Mouthwashing bypasses the point there was never an easy happy way or end out of this. In a world where Curly did something, Anya still has to grapple with her pregnancy and being trapped on the ship. The rape never happened? Jimmy still would’ve inevitably lost it and tried to do something to escape any responsibility he was going back to. They were all still getting laid off despite if Curly told them or not. There is no way this ends happy or even bittersweet for most of them because of circumstances before and after we know of or are alluded to.

The question posed should really be about what would someone do to reclaim agency? To make someone understand how they feel/felt through expressing what they weren’t to before?

[takami-flock]

FoY inspired memes - Part 2 [Reupload]

[notdeezy]

hi cry of fear fandom

i think i never posted this

[algrenion]

hating Dora Ingerlund - not because she left the unreliable-narrator protagonist that is Harry Du Bois - but because you too have also been the overrated poor-yet-middle-class art femme whose exes have hyperfixated upon, and put on a pedestal, and deified & threatened/tried to commit suicide over, and you tried to convince them you're literally just a person and that they'll some day get over what you had and move on, but you were just too nice and too softspoken to convince them of that, and you hate yourself for not being strong enough help them realise it's going to be okay, and now you hate Dora Ingerlund too even though (just like you) she literally was not in control of her weird suicidal ex, who still gives strange cryptic phonecalls years on as they're trying to sleep next to someone stable and adjust to a good normal life

also she's blonde (/softening the blow with a joke)

[poeticlostsoul]

Getting bad again

I'm getting bad again,

it feels so right.

I'm getting bad again,

with a hand between my legs.

I'm getting bad again,

no one knows how deep into the darkness I've gone.

I'm getting bad again,

slowly killing myself.

I'm getting bad again,

and I don't really care.

I'm getting bad again.

Taking another sip.

I'm getting bad again,

swallowing another pill.

I'm getting bad again

contemplating suicide.

I'm getting bad again

and finally everything goes blank.

I'm getting bad again

closing my eyes.

I'm getting...there