poeticlostsoul

[poeticlostsoul]

Getting bad again

I'm getting bad again,

it feels so right.

I'm getting bad again,

with a hand between my legs.

I'm getting bad again,

no one knows how deep into the darkness I've gone.

I'm getting bad again,

slowly killing myself.

I'm getting bad again,

and I don't really care.

I'm getting bad again.

Taking another sip.

I'm getting bad again,

swallowing another pill.

I'm getting bad again

contemplating suicide.

I'm getting bad again

and finally everything goes blank.

I'm getting bad again

closing my eyes.

I'm getting...there

[poeticlostsoul]

Presence of the absent

You should pray to God

every morning and every night.

You should follow His rules,

Listen to His voice.

You should choose the path He shows you.

He's more present in this couple of sentences that he's been in my whole life.

I've been there,

I've done that,

I was on my knees for Him,

I was begging, crying my eyes out

and nothing

not even a little, tiny bit of change.

He was never there.

I hope I'll end up in Hell.

I don't want to see someone who abandoned me when I was just a little kid.

[poeticlostsoul]

Dance macabre

He's always there

when I'm laying naked on my bed

with my hand between my legs.

When I'm killing myself little by little with pleasure

slowly reaching heaven.

Then the tables turn

I'm on the same bed

with a razor in my hand.

My fingers covered in my blood instead of lust

pleasure and pain dancing a deadly walc

turning and turning, slowly mixing up

eventually they become one.

He says he likes a little psycho, a nymphomaniac with a thing for pain, a little naughty girl

but he's never there

my pain is not The pain

my psycho is too much of a psycho

he likes the idea of me

not what's hidden underneath.

Once again I find myself on the bed

and the story repeats itself.

[poeticlostsoul]

Peanut butter toast

It's been a year and nothing's changed

today is even worse than yesterday

who knew that peanut butter was never a problem

I feel like a pig because of him

I was ok

I was trying to hold on

but now all I can think of is stupid peanut butter toast

My own father

the person I thought will always be by my side

that will guard me with his life

made me feel like a fat awful pig

And now I'm once again stuffing my face

To forget the hatred that I feel toward myself

[poeticlostsoul]

Never to blame

Lilith was damned for being an equal

Eve was punished for being a victim

Adam was a MAN so he's not to blame

Hera was made to feed her husband betrayal

Medusa was used like a toy

but she's the one to blame

Cause Poseidon was a MAN

MAN, MAN, MAN

"It's just their nature" they said

"She was asking for it"

" She was wearing a dress"

See?

This is a world that we live in

You can simply look at him and than forever be a slut

cause you weren't dressed like a nun

[poeticlostsoul]

Stay

We can try but we won't win

I will fail before we meet the end

We can pray but he won't be there to hear our prayers

I've been a sinner for far too long

To deserve his love

We can pretend that all of that never took place

But deep deep down in our hearts

We know

Nothing will ever be the same, it won't simply go away

This voice won't shut up

Our cries for help, mercy, peace and eventually death will never be heard

We are far too broken to be worth any of it

I've been shaming you for the way you deal with all of it

I've been sulking even though I'm no better

I know there's no hope but at least I'm still here

I'm here not because I want to

I'm here because I'm not brave enough to make the final cut

I'm here to be your whore, slut, bitch

Because maybe you are able to live

Maybe you can come back

Maybe you can still smile

I'll stay because I'm a coward

I'll stay because you deserved better

I'll stay cause I'm not even worth to go to Hell

I will stay

[poeticlostsoul]

No heaven for us

There she is

a blond angel

in all her glory

My heaven and hell

My pleasure and pain

The cause of my fears, my whimpers and tears

I'm not a believer but for her

God is a witness

I can knee every day

to say a prayer between her legs

to taste her holiness

I can confess all my sins and be on her mercy

There she is

in all her glory

not so saint

not so holly

She's no angel

I'm not saint

there's no heaven

only HELL

[poeticlostsoul]

The counting

The first one is because I'm fat,

Because I can't be clean as simple as that.

The second one is for them,

For all those people I've hurt,

For all those word I've said,

For all those days I've been cold to them,

But they were not my loved ones

so why should I care?

The third is because all those awful gross filled days

When I couldn't even brush my hair.

The next one is because I like to feel pain.

The fifth one is for Hate, my dear, old friend,

You were always there in my heart and my mind.

You are the only one that stays when things get dark.

Then the sixth and the seventh, the eighth and ninghth.

I've lost my count.

But around the hundredth one,

I see her the girl that killed herself.

She took a razor from my hand and I made her feel my pain.

In that bathroom, on that day I've become a murderer.

[poeticlostsoul]

Vampire's angel

How could I be so wrong to people I love most

How on Earth I could be scared after everything I've done to her

I cry every sleepless night about how wrong I was about her

But I'm not the one that should be sad

I'm the reason of the sadness I brought to her perfect life

I'm the evil witch, I'm the Devil here

I'm the one that should burn in hell

I'm the one who deserved all that pain

She was Saint, pure, innocent

Sha was a blond perfect angel

But I couldn't

I couldnt stand so much sanity in my life

I couldn't just walk away and let her live her life

I couldn't just this one time not be the bad one

So I crawled out of my coffin

Like a vampire seeking for blood

I didn't care who was where

I didn't care how much time she will need to sacrifice to live again in the sunlight, to forget all that horror from our fall night

I was a thirsty vampire

I didn't care I just needed her to feel my pain

[poeticlostsoul]

I rather hate myself for being skinny

Than hate myself for being fat

I rather suffer 'cause I didn't eat

Than suffer 'cause I ate too much

[poeticlostsoul]

She

she was there, on the bathroom floor siting alone wishing for someone to open the door

she was there, in the middle of the night, praying for someone to safe her

save her from no one else but herself, save her from the fate she carried on her shoulder

she cried and begged but no one was there,

no one could possibly know what she was praying for

she never said a single word about the darkness she hided under a smile, a smile she painted with salty waterfalls that came out from her eyes.

she stayed up all night listening to the voice in her head

she couldn't close her eyes even for a moment, she couldn't see again this nightmare that haunted her every day.

she was alone in the world

she was surounded by people but there was no one to blame for the emptinness she felt

she couldn't take it

she couldn't just forget

she wasn't weak

she wasn't helpless

she was hopeless

she was lost

she couldn't take it anymore

[poeticlostsoul]

Cinderella without a happy end

I close your eyes, pretend that it's fine

Paint a smile on your face and everything will be OK

But it's not it never was since the day she left me on the dance floor

Im not talking about the blond one, that made me realize I'm not enough

I talking about brunette with fair eyes, with the grains de beautè all over her face

She is the one i miss every day and night

She is the only one I wish could come back

That prom night I lost the other half of my heart

When you left I knew it's gonna hurt

It hurt like hell, but pain it's the only thing I deserve

But she, the other half of me?

She didn't leave, she died that day

You're still here,on this Earth,

she flew away

But no to heaven or to hell,

She disappeared forever,

Like a Cirandella at the end of a day

But she wasn't some cottage girl

She was a little girl seeking for love she couldn't get

So she died right there when I was holding her hand

She never said goodbye

She didn't want to make me cry

The was no funreal, no proper goodbye

Everyone chose to pretend like it's fine

So again just close you eyes, Paint a smile with tears you cry out every night

And live just day by day,

so you could go back to her

[poeticlostsoul]

Adam's Eve

I don't want to beg, I dont want to cry

I've done it myself couple of times

I was a child with a Devil on my arm

I was a teen cutting my own skin

Now I am no one, nobody, or just a body without a soul created for you to keep you warm

Like Eve was created for Adam just the same way I was cerated to be your prey waiting for you every night and day to finally tell me to get naked

I am alive only because you

You are my center of the whole world

You are everything and anything I know

You are the reason I wanna live

You are the reason I pray to disapear

[poeticlostsoul]

Hate

I'm my own toturer

Who can better than myself know what punishment I deserve

Who can hate me even more than myself in a flesh

Who can make me feel pain in the way it'll hurt the most

Who knows my secret, my weakness, my sins better than me

I'm my own torturer cause I'm the only person on the Earth that know how to make my life a living hell

[poeticlostsoul]

That dance

We fight and tear each other into pieces

But at the end of the we were holding our hands

Until this one day has come and you vanished from my life

You left me alone, not wanting to go,to move on

Deep, deep down in my heart

I'm still this little girl

You left on a dance floor pushed right into the Devil's claws

[poeticlostsoul]

Always a blond one

One stupid touch means so much,

One ordinary smile makes my heart go wild,

Everything because her,

The night owl girls with blond hair,

Love that never made us one piece,

And only seen in my dreams unholy kiss

[poeticlostsoul]

I love you for you

For the shape of you hips,

For the color of your lips,

I love you

For the way you smile,

For the way you cry,

I adore you

For the way you stand when you talk to him,

For the movement of your lips when you speak to me,

I admire you

For the sky you hide in your eyes,

For the red spots that paint your arms,

I want to kiss your every flaw and tell you this is what I love the most.