#tw failed suicide attempt

[shes-some-other-where]

June of Doom Day 9, Day 12

“I made a mistake.” | Accident | Acceptance | “I can’t stand seeing you like this.” | Grief |

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Contains: suicide mention / suicidal ideation, restraints, shame, guilt, grief, lady whump

WC: 810

To spit on your kindness and mercy

“My, did you hear that?” The usurper tugged at the ropes, jerking her a little closer toward him. “My loyal guard is offering to get rid of you for me. I’ve half a mind to take him up on it, since you were foolishly trying to spit on my kindness and mercy.”

“I wasn’t trying to—” She cut herself off. What was the point? He’d already seen through her pitiful attempt at a lie, anyway.

“Really. You expect me to believe it was merely an accident? You tampering with your window?” He scoffed. “What was your plan, then? To take some sort of ill-advised, ill-fated leap to your death?”

Her heart pounded at the question, blood boiling and deafening in her ears, overpowering the burn of her slapped cheek. Of course that had been her plan, but she couldn’t say that. Not now, not in front of her brother—couldn’t confess that she’d been yanked back from the brink of despair and prevented from throwing herself off a sheer cliff of grief . . . an act that would have left him to suffer alone. “Please—”

“Still. I have gone through all the trouble of keeping you alive until this point. It certainly seems a pity to waste the effort so soon, and with so little reward yet reaped.”

She could see her brother writhing in his chains where he lay, eyes wild, as he listened to the conversation unfold. How scared and confused he must be—only just woken, with no explanation for what had happened, listening to the despicable things the usurper said, bound so cruelly, and with that awful muzzle—

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “You’re right. It was foolish.” Desperate. “Impetuous.” Futile. “I . . . I was a fool to . . .”

The words he wanted her to echo dried up in her throat: to spit on your kindness and mercy.

Whatever he believed, he had certainly afforded her neither.

“I ask you for another mercy,” she said, drooping as she gave in.

Although she could tell he’d heard perfectly well what she had said, the prince merely uttered with a smirk, “I beg your pardon?”

“One more mercy. I beg of you. Let me see my brother. Let me take off that awful . . .”

She looked away as her brother’s face flushed a deep red.

“Let me release him, at least. Let him speak, let him move. I can’t stand to . . .”

She couldn’t stand to see him suffering so.

“Say please.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she perceived the way her brother shook his head furiously, as if to say she shouldn’t beg on his behalf, shouldn’t debase herself any further.

He could cling to his pride if he wanted. But she’d seen the bloodshed that had led them here. And she had accepted that there were things this false prince wanted to hear. And if it meant it would keep her and her brother alive another day, she’d say them.

“Please,” she said.

No matter how much they made her stomach turn.

“Please, what?”

“Please . . . Your Highness.”

Her brother make a disgusted choking sound that may have been a cry for her to stop. The prince, for his part, did not answer. He still waited—and made her wait.

Sucking in a deep breath, she said, “Please, Your Highness, may I help my brother?”

She caught the soldier scowling, the one who’d offered to murder her mere minutes before. The disappointment of not having his bloodlust sated was all too clear in his face.

“You may.” The prince patted her cheek far from gently, but not hard enough to hurt like an open-hand slap. “Next time, however . . . you’ll respect me on the first try, or you’ll be wearing that muzzle instead.”

Silently, she held still as the prince beckoned for the soldier to untie the ropes on her wrists. Still glowering, the soldier yanked her toward him a little too forcefully, making her slippered feet scrape and stumble on the dungeon floor. Where the same man’s blade had tried to slice open her throat mere hours before, her skin burned.

Just as she was about to dart to her brother’s side, the prince reached out and grabbed a fistful of her hair. She shrieked at the sudden attack.

“Well? What do you say?”

Blinking back tears, she whimpered, “Th-thank you, Your Highness.”

He chuckled, pleased, but he didn’t let go. “Good girl.”

“Please—”

“You may remove the muzzle,” the prince said. “The chains will remain.”

“What? But you said—”

“Do not,” he said, gripping her hair tighter, forcing forth those unwelcome tears of pain, “question me. Or defy me.” His voice grew dangerous. “My guards think I made a mistake by letting you live, don’t they?” His gaze hardened to cold, unyielding stone. “Trust me, if you prove them right, you’ll live to regret it. But not for long.”

June of Doom Masterlist

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@juneofdoom

All my writing is original. Feel welcome to interact/comment/reblog. Pls don’t steal or repost.

[l0vergirlatheart]

Can you pleaseeeeeee do a comfort/angst Adam Murray x reader where Adam walks in on y/n cleaning up all the evidence after either s/h or a sewerslide attempt 😢

!!! sure :33 im also trying out new formatting so <3 I GT A LITTEL DISTRATCED MAKING THIS SORRY

TRIGGER WARNINGS : SU*CIDAL THOUGHTS, S*LF HARM, HEAVY BLOOD MENTION, RELAPSES, IMPLICATIONS THAT READER HAS ATTEMPTED BEFORE, READER SEES BLOOD AS 'SICKENINGLY BEAUTIFUL' MULTIPLE TIMES, FAILED SUICIDE ATTEMPT

❧ in which adam murray finds his lover holding a knife to their own flesh. ✦ a/n : ignore the header there's not very many for bps overall😔 ☼ proceed with caution ! this is your final warning. if you are uncomfortable with aforementioned topics, please just scroll.

♪ now playing... Ola Ola St 2009 by t0ughpysch0 !

YOUR FIRST MEMORY OF TODAY WAS BLOOD. It wasn't like you'd awaken to the sight of it- more like, that's when your consciousness had kicked in. Slits of red coded your wrists and thighs, and you could do nothing but stare at them before looking over at your bloody knife. You didn't usually use a knife when you relapsed.

Maybe this wouldn't be just a relapse this time.

The knife raised up to your throat as you stared dead into the bathroom mirror, watching as you began to sink the cold metal deeper into the flesh of your neck, small droplet of blood both from the knife and the small, and soon to be growing, wound that began to adorn your skin. White noise overcame your hearing sense as you watched the crimson liquid drip down. How sickeningly beautiful.

Preparing to slit your neck deeper, you took the deepest of breaths you could before the clattering of metal against marble echoed throughout the bathroom. The knife was no longer in your hands, yet a larger slash embellished your palm.

You didn't get to look at it for long before your hand was grabbed by another, familiar one.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" Adam yelled as your gaze finally trailed back up to his face, taking in each inch of his horrified expression.

The tears threatening to stream down his face, the way he trembled as he held your hand, the obvious grimace on his face, and his wide blue eyes, panic evident in them. Even more was fear. Fear not of you, but far of losing you.

"You- You told me you'd..!" He groaned, his grip on your hand involuntarily tightening for a moment before he shakily exhaled, "You told me you'd at least tell me when these- these thoughts came back!"

"I'm sorry." What more could you say? It was too late to warn him now.

"Don't... apologize. It's not your fault. I.. I just.." He sighed, closing his eyes for only a moment, "Let me hug you. Please."

"Okay," Who were you to deny him? His arms snaked around you, his face leaned against your body as he gripped you in a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you. I didn't mean to. I'm just..."

"Scared?"

"Yes. I don't know what I'd do without you." He sighed, looking back at you as soon as he'd opened his eyes again, "I know that sounds selfish, but I mean it. I need you here." You had nothing to say to that, so he took it as a cue to continue speaking.

"I know it's probably hard for you to convince yourself to even get out of bed in the mornings, much less continue living without... hurting yourself. But..." He trailed off, leaning his head onto your shoulder, "I know it'll get better as time moves on. I-I'll make sure of it. But, how will you see how wonderful tomorrow will be if you don't ever make it there?"

"I need you," He hiccuped after a while.

"I know."

"Please stay." He begged.

There was no reply. You didn't know for sure. But you'd try at least. Even if it wasn't for yourself. It was for him, at least. He needed it. You might've needed it too.

[yardsards]

living in america is literally just like. yeah i could probably benefit from inpatient mental health services but honestly the resulting medical bills would just make me want to kill myself even more

[eri-pl]

LaCE (but not the part you think)

So everyone knows how "Laws and Customs of the Eldar" has things about elven marriage. But

It also has other, more interesting things. Namely, stuff about eElven souls. (Yes, I don't like shipping, I find it boring, your definition of "more interesting" may vary.)

bad: it has the version where Elves are reborn as babies, not reembodied as similar to when they died. I don't like this.

fine, but not fic-friendly: spirits in Mandos cannot talk with the living. I'm not saying they should a full-on social life, but I love the drama of "you have to talk through your situation with that person before you get reembodied", it's too useful sometimes.

extremely underutilized in fics and HCs: houseless spirits. Creepy elven ghosts who decided to not go to Mandos. And get more and more frustrated, and want to steal people's bodies. And Morgoth, and later Sauron and his top minions, can bind them via necromancy.

I'm not saying: ghost of Maedhros, but come on. (Some dark-ish ideas ahead)

He is so angry at Eonwe, he wouldn't want to have anything to do with the Valar. Anything. He would stay, wallowing in guilt, avoiding his brother whom he abandoned (do Elves see disembodied fear? If not, Mae could as well follow Maglor for some time. And/or E&E).

(Also, if he went to Mandos, wouldn't the Valar banish him into the Everlasting Darkness? He doesn't know.)

Anyway, spiralling into guilt and despair and anger. Trying to posess someone, to have a body to be able to help Maglor, who is messing himself up without him.

He refuses the call of Mandos all the time.

Slowly, the shadow grows... One day Maedhros hears a very different call, one he is not able to refuse. A familiar voice greets him, his elongated vowels sweet like poisonous honey. "Maitimo. It's been a long time since I had the pleasure..."

(ok, I'm not sure if it's canon-confirmed that Sauron was the one doing the torturing and not Morgoth himself but it's a popular assumprion) (Anyway, basically Thrangorodrim 2.0 but you are dead and Fingon isn't coming.)

[absolutelybatty]

I feel the same way about errands

[cartoonghosts]

tw unintentional vent post I'm just pissed at the culture surrounding bullying with younger children and bring up my experiences as reference

doing a unit on bullying in health and not only is it incredibly triggering jts also just. Wrong. Like no, bullies don't need an emotional response to keep going, if you don't react they get more intense and start making fun of you for not reacting. Also, you can't expect children to not react to people punching them, pinning them against a wall, telling them they're worthless and cutting them off from their friends. If kids use the responses adults have decided are the correct way to avoid bullying (show no emotion, call them out or ignore them), it only ever gets worse. A lot of the time, adults don't even try to help if a child reports this stuff because the child is pretty socially rejec4ed and 'weird' (in my case, undiagnosed autism and social isolation for the entirety of elementary school). Also, bullying is NOT always one-sided. A lot of the time, when a child is attacked for years and years on end and has their childhood ripped away, they're gonna get angry and they're going to lash out. I was labeled a 'bad kid' and a troublemaker because I cried easily, yelled at people who were mean to me, and retaliated physically because there was literally no other option. With that record, adults who I went to for help would tend to blame me, and other kids would use that to their advantage because they has the capacity and power to be more subtle about it than i ever could. I know that bullying in high school is different than in elementary school, but this is the exact same stuff I've been told all my life. If you're an adult working with kids and someone comes to you and says that they're being bullied, fucking listen to them. Change their classes. Keep them safe. If you don't, you could be actively participating in a kid's trauma.

(As a side note what I'm talking about is elementary and younger bullying, the only stuff I've experiences at older ages than that is transphobia)

[takethistoyourstardust]

if i think abt broken for more than three seconds i WILL become a hazard to myself and others. <3

[zayadriancas]

“Can’t do anything right.”

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

.

[mzyraj]

Not to vaguepost about somebody who's not even on tumblr. But.

Yeah you can fuck up pretty fucking bad, you can hurt people. And those people won't want you dead. I guess it all feels unrecoverable, but there's still a way forward, a way to rebuild. You're not irredeemable, you're not of no value, and I'm not saying it's easy but you could have a happy and stable life yet. Please don't give up.

[skitkonst]

🎃Goretober day 15: hanging🧡

[craig-f-tucker]

“They'd want you to keep on living” he said, immediately before attempting, like a dumbass

[novascotiaducktoller]

do you ever think of someone who you used to think was really cool but has just. completely gone off the deep end and is just spouting antagonistic bullshit for seemingly the sake of it

[slashyrogue]

TW: suicidal thoughts

Duncan is safely retiring in Small Town, USA. He's had a few people try to "beat" the Black Kaiser but he's taken them all out very easily & the bodies are very easily gotten rid of. There's a few short months of bliss where no one tries to kill him & he thinks he's in the clear.

Which is when someone breaks into his cabin.

He fights them off, and is surprised to feel his assailant go limp beneath him.

"Fool," he laughs, "You didn't even try."

"I don't want to try," the intruder says, "I want to die."

"I'm not that type of killer, Kid," he mumbles, standing to flip on the light, "Do it yourself."

The young man lying on the floor is disheveled, clothes in tatters, and looks as if he's seen better days. "I can't, I've tried. I..."

"Not my problem." Duncan climbs back to bed.

He wakes up to find the same strange young man in his house. "You're still here."

"Please, sir," he says, his voice shaking, "I need...I can't do it again.

"Do what?"

"The full moon. It hurts so bad and I can't...I don't want to kill anyone else."

Duncan smiles. "If you're trying to tell me you're a werewolf then you need more help than I thought you did. Go home, boy. I'm not killing you.

The young man falls to Duncan's feet, grabbing his ankles.

"PLEASE KILL ME! PLEASE! PLEASE I CAN'T..."

He sighs.

Maybe if he just humors him and helps the young man figure himself out this will end. "What's your name?"

"Aiden," his intruder says with tears in his eyes, "My name is Aiden."

"Aiden," he says softly, "How about...I chain you up and watch you turn?”

“No, no I can't...I..."

Duncan lifts his chin up. "If you do turn I'll put a bullet in between your eyes. If you don't...you go home and never bother me again."

"I think this is a bad idea. I...I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't."

Aiden nods, seemingly calm now, and stands to sit at the table again. "The full moon is in eleven days."

"Then you won't have to wait much longer."

"Thank you, Kaiser," Aiden says, wiping away tears, "Thank you. I..."

"Duncan," he says, "Call me Duncan."

[reiiishii]

Ume, to go with her Zanpakuto, operates on a nine lives system much like a cat. However, this doesn't detract from her actively seeking death even as a soul reaper- in fact this part of her luck is exactly what keeps her alive in the first place. So far, she currently has about 7 lives left due to her actively seeking death, her mental health isn't the greatest in general but she at least attempts to live for her friends and family [and her division.] But there are times she just...doesn't want too. She can go through death multiple times but still come out good as new and walk away as if it's a regular day for her until she tries again.

[losing-a-battle-winning-the-war]

This was me in the ICU about 24 hours after attempting suicide… no regrets, just angry I got help instead of letting the pills win…