#tw cse

[starlit1daydream]

On the subject of Equius Zahhak: hypersexuality and patriarchy.

It's been a hot minute since I promised to write something like this, and I've been meaning to test a new writing style for these big posts anyways - so I'm going to try my hand at explaining my personal interpretation of Equius Zahhak.

Equius is one of my favourite side characters in Homestuck, and though the individual components of his characterisation are intentionally facetious and humourous, all of these components then come together to form a fantastic and deeply layered commentary, however unintentional.

Let's begin with the basics: our introduction to Equius proper.

The narrative makes it clear from the start how you're meant to feel about this guy for starters - he's a creep and a weirdo. Nepeta says as much in their very first interaction on-screen:

This is backed up by the narrator themselves exhibiting a discomfort with him, painting him as a cryptic and eerily observant loner:

Once again, he's making people uncomfortable. Discomfort is going to be a very common theme going forward, particularly once we tap into Equius' personal interests and the justification behind them.

The next sign is when we first see him properly on-screen, and the narrator is immediately mortified by the state of his room and advises us to move on with the story.

So, immediately, any cognizant reader knows what's up. This guy is a joke character. A punchline, a fool, a weird asshole with no redeeming qualities. This is, of course, the intended reaction.

...Which then brings us to the subversions involved with Equius' character. Every single off-putting and strange thing about him is subsequently repainted in a more flattering light by the conclusion of his screen-time.

What begins as an overcontrolling, possessive demeanour towards Nepeta becomes a genuine, albeit perhaps overbearing desire to protect his moirail from harm. The context of him being Vriska's neighbour helps us infer that he's very, very aware of the dangers of FLARPing.

What starts as a bizarre and testosterone-poisoned obsession with strength becomes more of a fleshed-out character flaw. It's an inherent fault that Equius cannot control that brings him more distress than anything else. We'll delve into that later.

This is not, of course, to say that Equius is without genuine fault. You are still meant to find problems with his behaviour, of course you are; the Aradiabot fiasco is an intentional violation of personal agency based around an unhealthy obsession. He allows himself and his moirail to die because of his refusal to disobey the vapid and classist hemospectrum.

Okay, so why is he like this?

I'm glad you've asked. This is where this delves more into conjecture, based around a few different things.

The state of the internet and online culture at the time of Equius' inception; and the ramifications therein.

What we know to be true about the aspect of Void, and how Equius interacts with it.

The added retroactive context of Hussie's handling of queer topics (as a non-binary person themselves!), particularly on the subject of gender identity.

Let's start with point one.

Equius and hypersexuality.

At the time of Homestuck's inception, it was a veritable fact that the internet was overrun with overt sexuality, oft for the sake of shock value as opposed to arousal. Screamers and shock sites like 2girls1cup, goatse, Mr. Hands... (that last one is particularly relevant).

I cite Mr. Hands in particular because therein we get to the use of bestiality as a gross-out punchline. This is what Hussie's invoking with Equius; you're looking at this guy and seeing a gross freak who hangs horse porn on his walls. It's appealing to the fact that:

Homosexuality was considered a funny punchline.

The furry fandom was considered a funny puchline.

Bestiality was considered a funny punchline.

And so, this thirteen year old child hanging gay horse porn on his walls is meant to be played for laughs.

But with the retroactive lens we're looking at this through now? It's not only deeply disturbing for reasons I don't think I need to explain, but it's also a portrait of unhealthy teenage sexuality and the ramifications of exposure to explicit content at a young age.

Because it's a veritable fact that Equius does not understand boundaries and has a deeply flawed relationship with his sexuality. It's the kind of hypersexuality induced by childhood exposure to sexual material, and I would go as far as to call it a kind of CSE.

Need more proof of this? Dave Strider. Bro's weird sex puppets and usage of pornography as a punchline undeniably fucked Dave up, and explains the way he so regularly uses sex, particularly gay sex as a source of humour. Dave is the same problem that Equius rises, played seriously at a point in the story wherein these things are no longer treated so facetiously.

Furthermore, it becomes clear that Equius does not actually understand what he is consuming and emulating. Pornography isn't pornography to him, it's fine art. He's uncomfortable and unhappy with his sexuality because he lacks a label for it and doesn't know what it is he's feeling. This is tied to his Aspect of Void; but more on that in just a second.

This is uncomfortable. It is meant to be uncomfortable.

Equius' toying with casteplay and power dynamics is a clear representation of this frayed relationship - and it also segues into our point about his lack of self-worth.

Equius, the Heir of Void.

The Void Aspect. The Aspect of irrelevance, secrecy, ignorance, simplicity and absence, amongst other things.

The Heir Class. The Class that indicates an overabundance of the player's Aspect that overwhelms them and embodies them.

Equius is he who inherits, becomes and is consumed by emptiness. Because Equius Zahhak does not have a sense of selfhood or self-worth. The inference brought about by his title as the Heir of Void is that Equius is overwhelmed by nothingness.

Combine this with his Dersite status and the consensus on Lunar Sway (Prospit indicating externalisation, Derse indicating internalisation) and you get a very clear image of how Equius' title translates.

An overwhelming, consuming sense of internalised absence and nothingness. This is where Equius' hemospectrum adherence comes in! It's a cover up to compensate for his purposelessness and lack of meaningful identity. He sees himself as being deficient in anything real or of substance, and so adheres to the system placed before him because it is the only thing he feels he understands.

Once again, this is uncomfortable and a real phenomenon amongst teen boys. We see it with Eridan, too; young and confused teenagers with no sense of purpose falling into harmful and bigoted pipelines because they have no sense of direction otherwise.

(In a roundabout sense this explains Tavros' role as well; The Page indicates a deficit in their Aspect throughout the session and so the trolls lacking Breath in the form of directionlessness fits fairly well).

It's almost like watching a young boy fall into the alt-right, or start feed into Andrew Tate-style snake oil bullshit. It's the exact same kind of exploitation on a much larger scale; because it's the whole of Alternian society orchestrated by Doc Scratch.

You know... the Doc Scratch meant to represent online groomers?

So, we've been over about all I can cover about Equius' sexual trauma, lack of boundaries and emptiness/lack of self. So, how does this translate? Particularly thinking on the last point, I'd like to give my two cents about a very interesting headcanon for Equius that's been circulating a lot lately.

Equius, and gender identity.

A transfeminine reading greatly enhances the content of Equius' character, and provides a narratively satisfying character arc and means of development for them.

(From hereon out, I will be referring to Equius by the pronouns she/her).

I've seen Nekropsii sum this up beautifully, and I'll paraphrase this interpretation to the best of my ability; Equius' manifestation of masculinity is akin to a poison to her.

It makes her into a grotesque, testosterone-poisoned freak that physically cannot interact with anything around her without hurting it. It is the metaphorical confusion and fury of dysphoria made literal. It is the emptiness and lack of self that I myself can corrobate as a trans woman myself.

Masculinity is a curse for Equius. Much like quite a few other Homestuck characters (Dave & Jake come to mind), Equius really fucking hates being a guy.

So, this ties into my final point.

How I personally would have developed Equius had she been given the screentime to keep being relevant to the story.

The transfeminine character arc seems obvious. I believe that, if a person would be willing and able to tackle the more obscene and deliberately uncomfortable components of Equius' character, you could make an incredibly raw and interesting portrayal of transition and identity.

What's more; this is corroborated by Equius' closest relationship. Nepeta Leijon, the Rogue of Heart. The girl whose role indicates the ability to share identity and selfhood. Nepeta could very, very easily function as a catalyst for Equius gaining her own identity and being helped through the transition process. It makes an already STRONG and stable moirallegiance all the more interesting and heartwarming to witness.

This is not to say that Equius should not have agency herself, of course; an important part of this development would be the formulation of an independent self without debilitating outside influence. It would be allowing herself not to be consumed needlessly by Void.

Equius, and further relationship dynamics.

Equius' relationship with Gamzee (which I have always read as a one-sided kismesis) is also very important to me. This is not healthy. Equius is using Gamzee as a vessel for her fantasies and lack of boundaries, and through her black feelings she vents out her frustration with her sexuality and intrinsic need to obey and serve someone of a higher caste.

I don't think I need to tell any of you how well that works out once Gamzee goes sober. (I'd rather not dwell on the topic of the Makaras too long; that's something for a wholly separate post - and one that I'm sure would end up being rather scathing towards Hussie).

Finally, Equius' relationship with Aradia. This is also one I feel is unhealthy and once again one-sided. It is the same principle as Gamzee; merely in the red quadrant as opposed to the pitch one. Equius is using somebody as a vessel to vent out her feelings of purposelessness and frustration, and deliberately ignoring the lack of reciprocation.

Both of these connections are similar; and both of them end with Equius getting her shit kicked in.

How one would retool and treat these relationships post-character development is up to them, but I personally think it would be healthier for Equius to step away from both of them. I don't think Aradia would want or need Equius' continued presence in her life, and Gamzee is notoriously terrible at relationships. (We know damn well how a reciprocated blackrom with him turns out, just ask Terezi).

Equius, in conclusion.

That's all I really have to say on this matter; a long-winded and ultimately self-serving wall of text that I'm sure will come off as masturbatory and stupid when I read over it again. That being said, I wanted to lay all of this down in one place.

tl;dr - Equius Zahhak is a complex and interesting character with commentaries on teenage hypersexuality and unhealthy masculinity, and reading her as a trans woman provides an incredibly interesting character arc for her in the long term.

[im-a-silly-goose]

understanding why a lot of my close friends enjoy twin peaks so much makes me so fucking sad actually. i hope you know, if youre a victim of twin peaks that has been a victim of csa/cse, you deserve so much better and im so so so sorry that ever happened.

[dr-herbert-westt]

OH MY GOD ONE OF YOU GUYS JUST FULL ON INTERACTED WITH MY GROOMER THATS SO MUCH WORSE HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO DADDY

reminder not to supoprt/interact with the zine thats next to my name ( they defended p3dophilia and attempted to silence the victim, then once they were called out for it they decided to play victim and say that they didn't support the gro...mer without even apologizing. )

anyways back to shitposts john pork told dan to get rid of the baby

[jxnisnotfunny]

(tw: mention of CSE)

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in other news, elon has allowed someone who was posting child porn recently to stay on twitter for... literally no reason.

there needs to be a word or phrase that describes, in as much emphasis as humanly possible, how "done for" this site is, cus "fucked" does not cover it with the right amount of justice... i know i shouldn't be surprised at how hard elon keeps making everything worse for both twitter and himself, considering everything we know about him, his life and his family... but he still surprises me, without fail, every single time. this is abysmal.

[violetsandshrikes]

“Only people on our CSE team have seen those pictures,” Musk tweeted, referring to the company’s child sexual exploitation staff. “For now, we will delete those posts and reinstate the account.”

This man is genuinely so foul. Unpaywalled link for the Washing Post article, TW for csa and child abuse.

Remember that every time one of these billionaire idiots draws media attention by behaving childish, they’re always doing much more heinous shit at the same time.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw: underage nude sharing, underage erotic roleplay, underage sexting, possible victim blaming, discussions of rape and molestation

hi! im seeking support, reassurance, and resources, mostly. but i also just want to get a few things off my chest. ever since i was seven i would engage in erotic roleplay often involving rape and non consensual scenarios with much older guys. i didn't really know what i was doing, i was a very hypersexual child for reasons unknown to me and i didnt have any outlet other than social media. for some reason i was obsessed with the idea of being raped and molested, i feel really ashamed about that still. i felt really gross after doing it but i kept going back anyway. when my parents found out they said it was my fault and that those men couldve gotten in trouble because i lied about my age and tricked them, which i still believe was wrong of me to do. but the violent and angry way my parents reacted really affected me and that whole situation really ruined my relationship with sex and my trust in my parents.

when i was 14 i willingly started sending nude pics of myself to older guys who asked. they knew how old i was and i never lied about that. i stopped after a few weeks because i started feeling physically ill from the shame. my parents never found out about the whole situation but that was around the time when i thought i could tell them about how traumatizing the whole "thing that happened when i was 7" was for me. they git angry and told me i had no right to claim it was csa of any kind and that it was a slap in the face to real victims. it really hurt me and i havent told them anything since.

its been a year since then and recently ive actually started sending those pics of myself again. im really ashamed over it and i dont know why i keep doing it. the guys are all aware of my age, so im not lying now either. i feel weird and embarrassed about it but i dont feel like i can actually call this sexual abuse or grooming because im doing this on my own accord. im scared to tell my friends because i dont want them to look at me differently. i cant tell my parents because i know how angry theyll get. i dont really know what i want. anyway, my ending question is: is this actually sexual abuse if i quite literally asked for it over and over? is there a name for it? im scared i wont ever be able to live a normal life.

thank you so much, sorry for this shitshow lol, and have a nice day ❤️

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been going through. Please know that it takes a lot of strength and courage to not only endure these experiences, but to reach out and seek support.

It's worth self-reflecting on what you seek from these interactions, whether that's regaining a sense of control, seeking validation and praise, reenacting earlier trauma, or other reasons. Please know that none of what you experienced is your fault, and it wasn't right of your parents to blame you instead of the people that harmed you. That being said, you deserve to work towards choosing healthier alternatives to interacting with these men.

It's important to recognize that children cannot consent. Even if someone willingly puts themselves in a situation they know may be dangerous, that doesn't make them any less of a victim because either way they are still being abused and still deserve compassion, understanding, and patience. What happened still counts as SA. Experiencing these things as a child counts as CSA, and it happening over the internet qualifies it as NCCSA, or NCSA as an adult. Sending nudes of yourself as a minor counts as CSE, CSEM, and CSAM.

If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist could best help you process your trauma, collaborate with you to develop some healthy coping mechanisms, and guide you along your healing journey.

I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[kishona]

no

🤢

[mobiused]

oh did you know the riverdale tickling plot is based off a real thing

I believe I may have heard in passing... but teenagers being tricked into making fetish content isn't exactly far fetched tbh 🙁

[im-a-silly-goose]

day 1 waiting for ao3 to take down that fic where my groomers friend jokes about what happened to me.

[eeveelutionsforequality]

URL: https://youtu.be/tpr5RAAByqI

[jxnisnotfunny]

i can't believe i have to put a trigger warning of this caliber here, but here it is

(tw: borderline cse)

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THIS POST STAYS RELEVANT THIS POST STAYS RELEVANT THIS POST STAYS RELEVANT THIS POST STAYS RELEVANT THIS POST STAYS RELEVANT THIS POST STAYS RELEVANT THIS POST STAYS RELEVANT (part 2)

only this time, it just got worse...

(not my image btw, i found it on twitter)

as unrealistic as it is, i like to imagine that sssniperwolf and elon musk are in a competition to see who can stack the most bad things into their lives under their names as possible. whoever wins gets the most suffering in hell!

[clubstyleeurope]

#cse • @oah_555 #harley #fatbob #dyna #clubstyledyna #photooftheday #fxdf #fxd #fxdx #fxdl #dffd #streetbike #bikelife #rideordie #clubstyleeurope #clubstyleworld #clubstylejapan #clubstylegermany #clubstylethailand #tws #cse #photooftheday #instamotor #freedommachine #forevertwowheels #racetechsuspension #trackerdie #luckydaves #saddlemenstepup #ハーレーカスタム https://www.instagram.com/p/CdselwHo8Fe/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[xn3kr0sisx]

This is the last thing I will say on this subject unless someone else brings it up, but if you side with @/boys-restroom in this situation, do not interact with me. You honestly disgust me. I don’t care how close you are, I don’t care if Blasphemyb4WhatGod lied about being 13 once, it’s still fucking disgusting for a 17 year old to have sexual conversations with someone that young. The sexual rp specifically happened after their real age was known. If you think what happened was in any way okay, you can fuck right off. A 17 year old convincing someone they know is 12 years old to write smut and start nsfw rp is completely fucked up. As a victim of CSE, it is unbelievably disappointing to hear that quite a few people fully blame the child in this situation and think that it’s being overblown. Yes, they were too young to be on tumblr in the first place, but that doesn’t make this their fault. Children lie about their age all the time. @/boys-restroom knew how young they were and still participated in sexual conversations, jokes, and roleplay with them. If you support them, you genuinely make me sick, and please block me. /gen /srs

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Looking for advice and resources (and reassurence, likely). TW for child sexual abuse and exploitation (through the internet)

When I was a child, I formed a romantic relationship with a "friend" on the internet. this friend then used that to force me into sexual relationships with people they saw fit, pressuring me into sexual situations with other people, and ordering me to join sexual relationships with people as they saw fit. They would emotionally manipulate and abuse me into continuing this, and I was at their whims for whatever (online) sexual scenario they and whoever else they talked with or wanted

I've been told that this could very easily fall under the terminology of "online trafficking," but I don't want to make a claim as heavy as that without research to back it up. it's hard for me to find my own resources on grooming, CSA, and trafficking without triggering myself, which is why I'm reaching out to this blog. im also wondering what your guys' opinion on what this whole situation is since it confuses me alot

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through, and please know that you're not alone. It's valid to feel confused about your experiences, and it's good that you respect your own triggers and boundaries by avoiding researching into such a heavy topic.

According to this resource, child sexual exploitation is defined as "when a child is persuaded or forced to create sexually explicit photos or videos or have sexual conversations." It says that "CSE can happen in person or online." There's also another article that goes more into detail about online abuse. It sounds like it might be fair to classify your experiences as online trafficking, sexual exploitation, sexual abuse, or similar terms.

Understanding your experiences, including finding appropriate labels for what you've been through, can be a necessary step towards your healing journey. If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist can help you process your trauma and come up with ways to cope and move forward.

I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[im-a-silly-goose]

@purepotentialityzine blocked me, so here is my full response to the proof they have posted. I always believe in looking at both sides, so feel free to look at their original post, but all their screenshots will be in there.

[bustedlookinbean]

10 year old me really thought it couldn’t get worse and then she got groomed and sexually exploited by grown men who she thought cared about her and everything got a whole lot worse

i wish i could’ve gotten a heads up for what was to come, maybe i could’ve stopped it or maybe i would’ve known to tell someone instead of hiding it