#tvs genuine parts catalogue

[smartpartexporter]

[notjustjavierpena]

reading routine and seeing javi and wife watching kids tv after the kids are in bed made me chuckle so much but it’s so them!

I imagine they’re often sitting cuddled together looking at toys in catalogues trying to pick presents for kids birthdays or Christmas together.

In my head they genuinely enjoy this part of parenthood and getting to know they’re kids and their interests to be able to give them the best life !

Anything, a husband!Javier Christmas fic

Series Masterpost | Main Masterpost | Support a disabled creator

A/N: Will you be upset that this is just pure smut? It definitely could have been more Christmassy but I promise it is a treat.

Summary: Someone interrupts picking out Christmas presents for your kids…

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader/you (no y/n)

Tags: +18 smut, domestic life, BANTER, couch sex, dry humping, thigh riding, multiple orgasms, dirty talk, praises and pet names, rough sex, doggy, spanking, PHAT breeding kink, slightest dubcon, the messiest creampie in hubby history, comeplay, they are gross and in love, absolutely married to each other

Word count: 5.7k

Link to this work on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61468969

Anything

“Are you ready yet?” Javier calls from the living room. He has finally gotten comfortable on the couch but you’re nowhere to be seen, and it makes him call out your name. 

“Sorry! I’m here!” You rush into the living room from the kitchen, gaze fixed in concentration on a steaming mug of hot chocolate in your hand. Javier admires you in one of his shirts, the hem sitting around your mid-thigh and letting him have a peek at your bare legs. He glances at his coffee on the table in front of the couch, then fondly at the bobbing marshmallows on top of your drink. You always have a sweet tooth during December, not able to resist the temptation of indulging in the many treats that Christmas brings. You gain too much weight, you always say, but Javier thinks you’re the sexiest thing in the world and it has little to do with what the scale in the bathroom says. 

He watches you place the hot chocolate next to his coffee and crawl onto the seat next to him, legs tucked underneath yourself so you can lean into his side properly. The ritual has yet to begin, but you sigh a soft sigh to let him know you’re ready. 

“Right,” Javier holds up the catalog in front of you both. He takes one last look at the two mugs on the coffee table, heart soft and content in his chest when he notices how well your respective drink fits you. You’re sweet and warm, a nice contrast to the unforgiving taste of coffee that’s hardly suitable for everyone’s palates. 

“Something they want, something they need, something to wear and something to read,” you remind and recite to him, resting your cheek on his shoulder. He feels his skin warm up there under his shirt, feels like he is lucky to have you seek subtle affection like this even though he is married to you. 

“And 100 dollars each top, the spoiled brats,” he bites around the marker in order to take the cap off with his teeth, securing it at the base afterward. He flips the first page and the hunt has begun. 

“Hey, those are my kids you’re talking about,” you nudge him playfully while scanning the page and it pulls a little chuckle from him, his heart fluttering at the way you pretend-scold him. It is like being teenagers who tease one another as a way of letting each other know that they like-like each other. 

“You won’t be happy with our budget when we have a third,” he shrugs so the pages jump in front of your eyes. You pinch at the bottom of the page to hold it steady. 

“This one,” you say and point to a Magic Tracks set, deliberately ignoring the words he has just dared to speak. 

It makes him laugh properly now but he still circles the racetrack set in bright red Sharpie, “Ignoring that on purpose, huh?” 

“After saying you want a whole soccer team, I think it’s only proof of my sanity that I ignore you, Peña,” you say and flip a few pages, a little smile playing on your lips despite acting nonchalant. 

He scans the pages with you and circles a tea set made of plastic, “Your husband has Christmas wishes too.”

“Oh, this one’s perfect for Inés’ farm animals,” you tap the page, and he murmurs something about how his daughter will love it. You raise a brow when he lays the catalog out across your laps, moving the free hand to rest on your thigh. You tut, “Well, my husband should let Santa know of these wishes then.”

“Santa doesn’t know me like you do,” Javier squeezes the plumpness of your thigh. He leans in to brush his lips across the spot just behind your ear. God, you smell so good that his cock twitches, “Besides, Santa already agrees I don’t need a fucking thing under the tree. Solo tú (just you).”

You yank the Sharpie out of his hand with an exaggerated sigh of disapproval yet you tilt your head so he can drown in your perfume, “Swearing now? You’ll end up on the naughty list.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” he is the one to put his head on your shoulder now, “And you should know; you’re usually the one who puts me there.”

You pull back so he has to sit up straight again. He doesn’t acknowledge your glare even when it doesn’t have any malice in it, just reaches for his coffee to have a sip. 

You use the same sternness with him as you do with your children but from the way your breath shifts slightly, he knows you’re trying to hide how close you are to giving him what he wants, “I don’t know what you’re implying but you’re not getting it.”

“Oh, I’m getting it,” he says in a raspy murmur, a smirk on his face as he watches your flustered face over the rim of his coffee mug. You flip through a few more pages with forced concentration, but eventually, even you have to admit that you’re getting distracted. 

You look up at him with exasperation, the Sharpie pointing at him, “Javi.”

“Sí, mi amor (yes, my love)?” He takes another sip of coffee. 

“I need to finish this. I want Christmas to be perfect…” You pout a little and he yearns to kiss you until you giggle, “So I need you to focus.”

“Lo siento (I’m sorry), your husband’s gonna behave now,” he reaches out with his free hand and rubs your back gently. This means a lot to you, he realizes and feels a little bad for how he is ruining it. He sets his coffee back on the table and takes your mug of hot chocolate, exchanging it for the Sharpie once more. You take a small sip but decide that it’s still too hot for your tongue. 

“Right,” he says in the same manner as when the both of you started this, setting aside his excitement to make you happy. He talks while you place your mug beside his again, “Inés has an obsession with those horse toys. My Little Ponies? We should get something a little more expensive for those and the tea set.”

You light up at his engagement. He knows this is when you love him the most, and you turn back a few pages to point to a miniature stable, “She’ll adore this.”

“She’ll lose her little mind,” he agrees and circles the horse stable. Out of the corner of his eye, he can feel your gaze lingering on him just long enough to let him know that your own concentration is fading. 

“Concentration, baby, I need it from you,” he taunts playfully when you’re halfway through the toy catalog together but you have gone quiet despite your thoughts being very loud. Javier smiles to himself, unable to not feel flattered by how his fatherhood is turning you on. 

“I am concentrating. Luke wants a scooter but I need him to have a helmet and pads,” you shift a little bit in your spot, pausing briefly and sighing to gain his attention, “I was just thinking—“

“Don’t brag,” he interrupts cockily to make you stick out your tongue.

“Can I finish my sentence, Peña?” You click your tongue at him in disapproval afterward, “I was thinking that if you finish this - no shenanigans - you could get a little reward.”

That piques his interest, “What are we talking here? Enlighten your husband.”

“I thought that maybe,” you trail off, flicking through the next few pages to nearly make him toss the catalog aside and claim you right now. You pick the Sharpie from his hand and circle a remote-controlled dinosaur, “Maybe when we finish this, I’ll let you do whatever you want.”

Blood rushes south so fast in Javier’s body that his head starts to spin. He can feel his cock come to life at the thought of the endless possibilities that the words whatever you want bring, and a thousand ideas come to him at once.

“Anything?” He asks as if he is unaffected but his cock has gone hard for you in an instant, straining uncomfortably against the seam of his jeans and begging for relief. 

“Mhm, yup, anything,” you hum softly, sitting there calmly and flipping through the catalog as if you didn’t just drop the most dangerous line. He shifts subtly in his seat to adjust his erection, hoping that you don’t notice anything but out of the corner of his eye, he spots the way your mouth curls into a knowing smirk. 

“Careful, baby,” you tease without looking up from the BABY Born doll on the page, “You might lose focus.”

“I’m focused,” he only just manages without letting the strain on his voice reveal him. He gives an exasperated chuckle, “Just not on the toys.”

“I said only when we finish this,” you glance at his lap and he throbs even more at being found out. Then you count the pages with quick fingers, “And we’ve got ten more pages to go.” 

It takes a moment for him to regain his composure but eventually, he yanks the Sharpie out of your hand, his voice still sounds like a plea, “Let’s finish this then.”

By the time you reach the last page, Javier has been a good boy for the eternity it has taken for you to go through the entire catalog together. You even decided to go back and reevaluate a few of your choices just to taunt him, and by now he feels on the brink, can barely contain himself. 

“Good boy,” you grin after he snaps the cap back onto the marker and tosses it onto the coffee table with a relieved sigh. You sit on your knees to lean in for a kiss that is way too sweet, “Wasn’t so hard, was it?”

You’re too cute for what is happening inside his head but then you confidently place a hand right on top of his clothed cock and whisper, and he knows you’re right there with him in his depravity, “Although this might be.”

He moans quietly and grabs your wrist the second you start to teasingly stroke him. All he can do is hear those three words - whatever you want - and when he starts to shift on the couch, your confidence wavers slightly. 

Javier moves until he has you caged beneath his body but you don’t protest it, has allowed loads of raunchy make-out sessions like this. However, he has more in mind because he has already decided what he wants, has thought about it the whole time since you gave him a free pass to your body, but you don’t allow it anymore. Ever since Lucas - and Inés now too - started walking around the house unsupervised and thus into rooms unannounced, you have stressed that sex is to be kept within the four walls of your bedroom. It’s perfectly fine… if he didn’t have to pretend he doesn’t want you every time he looks at you. 

Holding himself up with one hand and cupping your face with the other, he captures your mouth in a desperate kiss. It doesn’t take long for you to realize that this is so much more than just making out before you retire to your bedroom. 

“Aquí no (not here),” you gasp into his mouth yet still hold onto him, mind and body working against each other.

“Aquí sí (yes here),” he murmurs against your lips, “And don’t pretend for a second that your panties aren’t soaked through at the idea. I want you right here, bent over the arm of the couch.”

“Javi, we can’t,” you shake your head with an eye on the path to the staircase where children could come stumbling down any moment, however still tipping your head back to allow his mouth to descend on your neck. He nibbles along your pulse point, inhaling deeply to breathe you in as he reaches where you’ve applied your sweet perfume in the morning.

“You smell so good. Merry Christmas to me,” he says instead of acknowledging your protest, the tip of his nose skimming along the column of your throat to reach the other side too. He grins, breathlessly chuckles, and grinds his hard and clothed cock into your thigh, “Oh fuck.”

“We should go to the bedroom,” you moan softly as he puts his thigh between your legs, forcing your t-shirt to crawl up along your thighs until your lace panties are exposed. He finds your gaze, smiling at the reveal of the hardly appropriate choice of underwear and the way your mouth falls open when he moves his leg slowly. He teases your covered clit with the fabric of his pant leg and sends electricity up your spine. 

He watches your resolve crumble with every slow grind of his thigh between your legs. A tiny moan from your mouth sends his heart rate soaring and soon, both of your breaths are coming out faster. 

“We’re not making it to the bedroom with how fast you’re coming right now,” he mumbles through concentrated breathing. You seem to know this already, your thighs tightening around his leg and your arms linking around his neck. He can feel your nails dig into his skin, and suddenly your hips are moving on their own accord. He presses more firmly against you to earn friction to his cock too, the rough denim of his jeans sitting tightly around his length. The fabric catches just right on your sensitive clit, and you try to be quiet about it but he can see how good it feels to you with how your brows furrow as you gasp his name. 

He hasn’t had you like a fumbling teenager in so long but this - the urgency and clumsiness of acting like a dog in a rut on his couch - makes him feel alive in a way that his sex life hasn’t in a while. Parental responsibility has come (no pun intended) in the way of how he really wants you all the time, and where he used to have you on every surface in the house he paid for, he’s had to be good for too long. He is done being good. 

Beneath him, your confidence has started to grow along with each roll of your hips, your orgasm is building. You look beyond stunning with your eyes fluttering closed, your body deep in pleasure, and your bottom lip between your teeth as you concentrate on how it feels. 

He kisses underneath your jaw and tastes salty sweat, his hand going up under your t-shirt to grab your breast. He palms it at first but then skims his thumb around your already-hardened nipple, surprising you with a pinch. It has you hurtling toward an intense orgasm filled with exciting risks.

“Fuck, baby, I’m gonna come,” you say just when you’ve moaned in unison. You reach down to grab his thigh, now rutting against him shamelessly as you chase pleasure. 

“God, you’re stunning, my beautiful wife,” his voice has dropped an octave, coated with desire. His dick pulses, dancing on the edge of release that he can’t have yet. Your hips falter but he is right there to save you, bouncing you on his thigh until you unravel.

Your eyes fly open to stare up at him as it happens, your face sporting a pained expression until you suddenly smile in relief, and he swears loudly at how much restraint he has to show because he wants to finish in his jeans at the sight. You moan obscenely and roll your hips through it, trembling beneath him as you come, and he just knows you’re throbbing against the width of his thigh as wetness spreads across it. 

You pant in the aftermath and giggle in your haze, looking unsure of exactly what just happened while you reach into your panties to cup your cunt in its aftershocks. You even dare rub your sensitive clit only to whimper and nearly make Javier unleash something beastly. 

One thing is for sure though and it is that the fact that fucked-out you don’t protest his advances anymore. Instead, you welcome them and a look in your eye makes it seem like you are desperate to be filled up with his cock. He is more than happy to indulge you in your delirious state. 

Although you also look like a baby giraffe, your legs unable to hold you up, it doesn’t stop him from getting whatever he wants. He grabs your knee to get your attention. 

“Turn around,” he orders in the same voice he uses on his inferiors at work but with you, there’s an underlying desire, affection even, in the way he growls. 

You follow orders so fast that he feels his cock move underneath his jeans, and without hesitation, he pulls down the zipper and shoves them down to get out of the confinements of the denim as quickly as possible. He takes a quick breath when the air of the living room hits the sensitive skin of his dick, it standing right into the air with how hard and touch-starved it is. 

In front of him, you’ve spread your legs and braced yourself against the arm of the couch by resting on your forearms. In the cozy, warm lighting of the room, he can see your lace panties have started sticking to your slit. 

“You get this wet from the idea of fucking on the couch? Breaking your little rules?” He knows you can hear the smirk in his voice and it only grows wider when you shake your head. It’s a game by now, acting like he isn’t the owner of what is between your legs. 

“That’s not—“ you try but his fingers hook into the waistband of your underwear, only pulling them as far down as he has to. He leaves them tangled around your thighs, touches you where they’ve stuck to you and you jerk forwards, “Fuck.”

“Don’t think I’ve been so hard in forever. We needed this, baby,” he admits and scoots closer to you on the couch. He presses the head of his cock between your folds, feeling how you’re already trying to suck him in. and your head hangs between your shoulders while you release a trembling breath. 

With a hand on the small of your back and a hand around his cock, he sheathes himself fully inside of you in a steady motion and oh fuck, his balls are aching for release already. You make an impatient sound, rocking your hips back against him to grind on his cock. 

“Please,” you whimper at the aching stretch. You have already collapsed against the armrest and with his hands finding your gorgeous hips - the ones who have borne his child - he lets his cock fill you over and over again. 

“You feel so fucking good, mi amor (my love), so tight around me,” he moans with a heavy breath, savoring the way you clench softly around him already. Your walls are warm and wet, squelching lewdly with each thrust from how much your body has prepared itself for him. 

“You’re in me so deep, Javi. I can feel you everywhere,” you gasp shakily even when he knows he could go deeper. He roughly switches between dragging you harshly down on his throbbing cock and snapping his hips forward so they crash into your ass with a filthy smack. It makes you whimper with each thrust, whining like a wounded animal. 

One of his hands slides up your spine to tangle itself in the hair at the back of your neck while the other rests flat on the dip of the small of your back. He arches your body by tugging your head back slightly and pushing down just above your jiggling ass. It switches up the angle at which he fucks you, and it is almost too much to listen to how wanton you get when he repeatedly stabs your front wall. 

“Who’s fucking you, baby?” He demands. 

“You!” You choke out on the verge of tears, “Fuck, it’s you!”

“And who am I?” He smacks your ass to the point where your body tenses up and he nearly doubles over from how you squeeze his dick. 

“My husband,” you moan loudly, “Spank me again.”

“That’s my girl,” he growls while his head swims and his heartbeat races. God, his cock is living for the moment as he hits you again and hears you croak in delicious pain, “My wife takes me so fucking well. You like that?”

You make a guttural sound and try to nod with him holding your head in place by your hair. There’s a slow shift in the way you are tightening around him. You’ll come again soon, he can feel it, so worked up that your cunt flutters around him in that familiar way but it doesn’t seem to be enough for you. You cross your ankles, narrowing the space between your jiggling thighs and making Javier fit even more snugly inside your wet heat. He groans loudly, hoping Inés and Lucas are fast asleep, his eyes nearly rolling back into his skull and his pace faltering for a moment.

“What are you doing to me, baby? You’re so tight, I can barely fucking move,” he hisses, struggling to keep up until you gasp out that you’re close. He knows it is going to be his undoing, knows that if this is fucking fantastic already around his dick, he won’t last through your cunt squeezing him during your release. 

He decides to slam into you to get you there, watching you arch your back even further to welcome him right into that sweet spot inside of you. The added pressure makes you cry out and look back at him, gasping for air as he aims to push you over the edge, “Fuck, I’m… Javi— fuck, I’m gonna come!”

“Yeah? You fucking love this. Gets you going, huh? Being this full of me,” he taunts through gritted teeth, feeling sweat on his brow threatening to drip down.

“Sí (yes),” you agree weakly, your air forced out of your lungs at his power. 

“Wait till I fill this pussy up, till you’re round with another baby. Then everyone will know how much she loves being stuffed,” he moans, his mouth faster than his brain.

You look at him with wide eyes, already scolding him despite teetering on the edge, “Javier Peña. Don’t you dare— fuck, we can barely keep up with the two kids we have ah–lready. Oh God, that feels–”

“I want to get you pregnant again,” he confesses recklessly, knowing it’s far from your plans, murmuring it amid his brain fog, “I can keep up, I can give you everything, baby. I’ll take care of you, of the kids, of everything. Please. Just let me– fuck, let me come inside.”

“No,” you whimper with a shake of your head but your body betrays you. You push back against him one last time, “I—“

You come in the next moment. If he thinks you’ve been loud before, it is nowhere near the sounds you let out at the first spasm of your release. You shove your face into the armrest so as to not wake up the rest of the house, clamping down so tightly around him that he swears he’ll see God. 

“Liar,” he drags his hands down your body again to hold tightly onto your hips and his head swims with how you still have your back dipped, your ass so inviting in this position that he wants to smack it again, “Dime que lo quieres (say you want it). Say you want me to fill you up.”

“Please, Javi, I want it,” you give in during the aftermath of your orgasm, sensitive and high on dopamine, your forehead resting on your hands as they grip the armrest tight enough to make your knuckles whiten, “Please, I need it. Give it to me.”

Your begging tips him over the edge, his rhythm staggering. A few more thrusts deep into your still-squeezing cunt and he is done for, overwhelmed by the sight and feel of you. You are his wife, the mother of his children, and you look so goddamn beautiful speared on his cock that he cannot hold back anymore. 

He spills into you more than he ever has before. His come just doesn’t stop, keeps coming and fills you to the brim in pulses that send electricity to the very ends of his nerves. 

“Jesus, you weren’t lying when you said you needed it,” you half-laugh and half-gasp at the fullness, looking back at him with furrowed brows and a moan as another thick rope spills into you. He watches your open mouth with a little groan and he slides his hands beneath you to hold you in place, pinning you while another wave of warmth enters you. 

“You’re— baby, you’re still coming,” you whimper softly and your body starts shaking as you take it all. He knows it must be overwhelming, knows that you are probably aching from the pressure building inside you. 

“Fuck, I know, mi amor (my love)” he mutters with unsteady breaths, your walls fluttering weakly around him, resulting in your pussy squeezing the last few drops from his cock, “I… It’s so much.”

You’re not laughing anymore. Instead, you have become a shuddering and pathetic mess from how intense it feels to be claimed so fully. Javier dares look down at where the two of you are still connected, the sight sparking something beastly and primal in him. A milky white ring has formed around his girth, his generous release threatening to spill down his length before he has even removed himself from you. 

Despite not even trying for a third baby - and therefore knowing that losing himself in you was foolish of him - he just knows that this might’ve been the time that did it, this is where he’d look at you proudly and say ay, that did it, huh?

You whine feebly from below him and it pulls him from his trance. He drags his cock out of your mess of a pussy with a wet pop, covered in his and your come, and he can feel the way your body becomes heavier in his grip, your legs ready to give out on you when the pressure inside you shifts. 

“Ah,” you moan the moment he pulls out and turn your head away from him again. A thick gush of his come follows, spilling from you in a thick, glistening dollop and his fingers tighten on your waist and hips at the obscene picture. 

“Look at you. You’re so full, mamá, taking all of me,” he praises, watching the drops of release slide down the inside of your thigh, some of it dripping onto your underwear and some of it onto the couch below. He should be more concerned with the couch’s fabric but he finds that he is too mesmerized by your body working against his load. 

"I can feel it," your voice trembles and you slump even more against the armrest, “It’s so messy, Javi.”

“Let me take a look at you,” he almost feels like he has tunnel vision, and can see nothing but you as your cunt weeps with a mix between the both of you. He spreads your thighs wider with his hands, causing your hips to jerk and another dollop to hit the couch. Its surface is a mess by now, translucent stains spreading across the fabric where the slick warmth is still pooling. Somehow, the sight is enough to make his cock stir and his balls tighten again. 

“You’re dripping all over the place. It is perfect. I want you like this all the time. His words make you moan and nod. You tilt your hips slightly, biting back a soft sound as the provocative movement sends another slow gush slipping free. Javier laughs quietly, just knows you’re smirking like the dirty girl you are, “Now you’re just showing off.”

You snicker, however you are struggling to hold yourself up. He can see your head dipping to glance below yourself. You make a noise of complaint and he can hear the faux-exasperation in your voice, “Javi, it’s everywhere.”

“I can see that,” he says simply, amused. He smacks your ass. The seemingly last drops of his seed are forced out of your overstimulated body by the impact, the amount enough for this to be irresponsible towards your traumatized furniture. 

“You’re making it worse!” You laugh helplessly, reaching underneath yourself to swat at his hand, but your giggle is cut short by a moan as his fingers suddenly brush against what still clings to your folds. 

“I don’t think it can get any worse, I mean, look at you, such a messy pussy you’ve got,” he teases playfully as he leans over you briefly to kiss your back. His free hand slides around you to your stomach, pressing down gently, and he watches in awe as well as surprise as even more of his warm and sticky come slips out. You make a noise, and he concludes that it must be the last of his load, “Besides, it’s not me… You’re the one with a pussy that’s drooling all over the place.”

“The couch is ruined,” you declare instead of answering his little taunt. Carefully, you push yourself back to crawl over the pool of naughty evidence and Javier instinctively grabs your waist to guide you in case your legs are too wobbly. He is itching to get close to you, and kiss you well and properly. 

"If this couch couldn’t handle us, it wasn’t worth keeping anyway,” he says when you finally fall into his arms with a little huff, naked and messy. God, how are you his? He feels so sated and happy as he pulls you into a lingering kiss, wiping his hand on the couch - it needs a scrub anyway - so he can rest his broad hand on the back of your neck. He grabs onto you there, a little possessively, “Eres mía (you’re mine).”

“Yours,” you hum and drag your tongue against his. He is so fucking into you. 

“Maybe a new couch is my present this year,” you say when you part again and shift slightly to melt into his chest. The both of you look at the messy stains on the fabric, “Although I am gonna miss it. We made Luke on it.”

Javier lights up slightly, cannot quite believe that he’s forgotten, “Shit, that’s right, we did.”

“You don’t remember the conception of your own son?” You tease him, resting your head on his shoulder and looking up at him. You rest your palm on his warm chest, the crispness of his shirt having been substituted with slightly damp warmth.

“Forgive me but we were like goddamn rabbits, my wife,” he cups your cheek and pecks your lips a few times, making you slump even further. He watches you think loud enough for him to imagine the cogs turning in your mind. 

“You’re really proud of yourself, aren’t you?” You tut with a small smile, subtly trying to hide your uncertainty.  

“You have no idea,” he rubs your back soothingly while your eyes droop. He tests the waters by asking you a simple question, “Tired?”

You sigh softly, “Yeah, but I don’t think I can move after that.”

He is quick, trying to make you giggle, “Bién (good), means I did my job.”

You huff a soft laugh and he grins because he cannot help it. The sound makes him feel like someone is running around inside his chest, his pulse racing from even the softest chuckle that escapes your lips. 

“It will become a problem if I can’t take Lucas to school tomorrow,” you note with closed eyes. 

“You don’t have to do anything but sit here and look beautiful,” he squeezes you, nosing along your neck, and you hum in satisfaction. 

After a short while, a silence falls over you in the afterglow. It is nice but he cannot help but feel there’s something on your mind, something that troubles you. He gently touches you where he knows you like it, and meanwhile, you look shy. 

“Thank you,” you eventually say.

“What for?” He asks despite how he might already know, peppering your neck with kisses, pressing a hot kiss to your jawline.

“Opening up the opportunity to do this again… the spontaneity. I know I haven’t— I suppose it’s been hard to feel sexy when you have a kid on your hip all the time.“

“Ay, mi amor (my love),” he shakes his head. He shifts you slightly, caring very little about how you smear his naked thighs with your soaked underwear. He reaches around your back to cradle you and reaches for your hand as it lays in your lap, “You’re sexy all the time.”

“You have no idea how much I needed to hear that,” you press your nose into his cheek, “I keep forgetting how good it can be when we let go. I just worry.”

“You overthink it and that’s okay. We can start slow,” he coos but he has never been more sincere. You have been covered in spit up from Inés and he still wanted you. 

“This wasn’t slow,” you say and turn your head to rest your forehead against his. 

“Yeah, I’ve never— fuck, I’ve never come like that before.”

“Yeah, you were insatia—“ your gaze flickers to the coffee table, and suddenly, a tiny gasp leaves you. Javier tenses. 

“Oh no,” you mutter, sitting up quickly. 

“What?” Javier asks, his brows knitting together as he watches you reach for the Christmas mug on the table, “What’s wrong?”

“My hot chocolate!” You exclaim, lifting it up to your lips and taking a testing sip. You grimace immediately, “It’s cold!”

“Christ, woman, I thought something was actually wrong,” he chuckles. 

“Something is wrong. It was perfect and now it’s ruined,” you retort, pouting, “Next time, I’m finishing my drink first.”He takes the mug from you and sets it aside again so he can wrap you in a tight hug, “Next time, I’ll make you forget all about it again.”

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[socpens]

Do you like the youhitmetal17times_everyday analogue horror?

I dont watch any analog horror. I dont really like any "devised" analog horror, none of them feel authentic enough both from a tech standpoint but also from a content matter standpoint. They are trying to be scary and I feel like once youre going down that road your shit will never be scary. The only stuff Ive seen that manages to interest me in that genre is stuff that makes earnest and genuine attempts at mirroring feelings we've all had, through analog mediums, instead of conjuring up a scary face for 2 seconds or writing some scary text.

Ive had some of my work be called analog horror and Ive never set out to make it horror. I think people are just unsettled by genuine and authentic portrayals of analog mediums because of their inherent imperfections. And I also think that making things as accurate as possible - from graphic/motion design, sound, editing, every part of it - will either transport the viewer back to when they saw that kind of stuff on TV, or make a viewer who never had that experience feel like they did.

A lot of people shit on the use of nostalgia as lazy or low-effort, but I think it's more about what you do with it, it's a tool. Most analog horror makes no attempts at using nostalgia. Nothing about them is accurate or genuine, it's just a flavor slapped on the work. If you use nostalgia in a way that's real and genuine then you've come pretty close to being able to communicate one to one with the viewer. It's a way of disarming people so you can express what it is you want to express clearly. And thats really hard to do in art, but it's the goal (at least for me)

Feel free to recommend me any analog horror you think fits the bill. No local58 or mandela catalogue or whatever. Only real stuff.

[box-dwelling]

There's honestly a really weird thing I've noticed with the legend of ruby in how it's dividing new fans. One part is new who fans feeling more cheated by not seeing Susan fully while classic fans are more excited about getting any information about her. But that's not really what I want to focus on.

The thing that's getting me is the difference between classic and new who fans on the Sutekh reveal. Classic fans have of course been hyped as hell.

But I've seen a lot of sentiment of new who onlys that honestly I think is really valid even though I do watch classic who.

RTD would pull this trick a lot. A finale episode would end on a cliff hanger of an old villain returning. See the master at the end of Utopia or Davros' reaval in season 4. And these worked. In part because they were already hyped up. But truthfully I think this seasons done that too. We have seen who scary the masetro and toymaker are. Even the trickster if you go before second reboot. This is the one they're scared of. His is the being that made them. He is big and intimidating and powerful and that's kinda all we got for the master and Davros' on a first watch too. Some general background context about why they're signifact and why they pose a threat.

But the reason I think this is hitting different is that well, if you were 3-4 seasons in, there was kinda the acknowledgement then that you were going to be missing some context. You would be brought up to speed eventually but still that context is missing and you knew that. If you wanted it you'd have to invest the time in classic who and if you weren't willing to put up that investment you adjusted expectations accordingly. And I want to say that's a completely reasonable thing to do. But everyone was kind of on the same page there. I was rewatching the first season of confidential recently (btw I highly highly recommended it, it's is some genuinely excellent documentary film making) and they'd spend large portions of the episodes talking about the shows history to bring new fans up to speed.

The thing is now, we're 14 seasons and nearly 2 decades in, the show is ment to be a reboot ala season one (which did not expect prior knowledge at all btw) and now the big bad is just some Egyptian god most new who fans have never heard of? I get how that's a let down especially because a lot of fans HAVE invested a ton of time in. They have invested time in 20 years worth of television. But that's still been proven to not be enough. I get why you'd be pissed. It's kinda how I'd feel if a reveal was based on a big finish property. Like I want to get to big finish but TV content comes first. And I don't have unlimited time to give to a show even my favourite show.

But the thing is, I don't know how we solve this. There are interesting bits of the classic canon that haven't been explored yet. Pyramids of mars is an iconic and beloved serial and it hasn't been touched on. I don't want the show to abandon the back catalogue of interesting monsters and charcaters. But I don't know how you thread that needle when new who fans also deserve a return on their time investment. Like if they bring back the rani or Romana they'd deserve so much fan fair and classic fans would feel cheated if it wasn't given. But it's not going to mean shit to new who fans.

Idk, I feel like there's nothing I would do to make the Sutekh reveal hit harder for new who fans. They built him up. They made him scary. They had him be related to other monsters we knew some of whom were entirely new, but I completely get why even that wasn't enough.

[teruthecreator]

Karen if you haven't done her already :]]

OHHHHH KAREN MY BELOVED

Sexuality Headcanon:

BIG OL LESBIAN

Gender Headcanon:

one of those lesbians who uses the term as both a sexuality and a gender (like meeeeee except i dont think she’s butch. she Could have butch swag but it’s not my immediate thought)

A ship I have with said character:

karen/gingi is my automatic go-to bc like. shes a dateable the gingi ships are all so fuckin cute but KAREN AND GINGI ESPECIALLY. i think the fact that it takes so much for you to even Convince karen to leave work with you and how quickly she not only warms up to gingi but becomes possessive of them makes me go absolutely insane. it makes me bonkers it makes me want to ram my head into a wall. literally WHERE is the karen gingi sex scene dogman come ON THEY DESERVE TO HAVE FLOP SEX AT KARENS APARTMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh yeah i also have karen/mingus thoughts but those will be saved for a secret project i desperately need to start working on

A BROTP I have with said character:

karen and oliver are a dynamic i am super interested in! they have some like canon basis for hanging out—karen was being commissioned by oliver to make some stuff for the scare shack and the two had running text conversations, as mentioned in ch3. and i just think it’s super neat for those two! i know she can probably only handle oliver in small doses but i think the two would genuinely geek out over artsy stuff together. like if you put on an animated movie for them both they will both go on two separate tangents about two separate things but will completely understand the other. i just think theyre neat <3

A NOTP I have with said character:

once again, don’t ever think i’ve seen a karen ship that’s made me scratch my head and go HUH so i think we’re all good here!

A random headcanon:

this hc is kind of self-indulgent BUT it has basis in canon since karen is canonically an enjoyer of stopmotion AND really old christmas movies. but i think karen LOOOOOOOVES the rankin/bass set of classic holiday straight-to-tv films. she used to watch them as a kid and now as an adult she can appreciate the animation work and laugh at the stupid plotlines and just genuinely enjoy herself. she has as many of the movies catalogued at her house (primarily in digital form i think) and watches them whenever she’s bored or sad. this is a trait i think she shares with mingus (who likes rankin/bass for a COMPLETELY SEPARATE REASON that is also a self-indulgent soulread) but once again i go into this a bit more in my secret project i need to desperately start working on, so i won’t get into it here >:-) you’ll just have to wait and seeeeeee

General Opinion over said character:

my absolute beloved. god i just. i REALLY like karen. like even beyond a character standpoint i think i am just attracted to her. she has a printer for a head but she makes me swoon. literally could replay her route a million times just to watch her get possessive over me and giggle and kick my feet. it’s so bad folks. she has a fucking PRINTER FOR A HEAD AND I’M NOT OBJECTUM SO I DON’T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED. SAVE ME KAREN FROM DIALTOWN SAVE MEEEEE

this part has genuinely made my heart flutter before there is something wrong with me

[archoneddzs15]

Sega Saturn - Delisoba Deluxe

Title: Delisoba Deluxe / デリソバ デラックス

Developer: Cave / Sega

Publisher: Tokyo Broadcasting System (TBS)

Release Year: 1997

Catalogue No.: 610-6803

Genre: Driving/Racing?

Here we have the truly most expensive and most rare Sega Saturn disc to ever be produced. Sure, Eyeful Home and Heim Waltz are rare, but this one makes them two look common. In fact, unlike the two house discs, this one is actually quite fun!

TBS (Tokyo Broadcasting System) made a joyful game show called Tokyo Friend Park for Japanese "celebrates" to participate in. The games or challengers in Tokyo Friend Park are all bright and colorful and require some physical skill. One of the challenges has always been a video game-based challenge called Delisoba or Delivery Soba to me and you. Soba is a type of noodles that the Japanese eat. The original game used for this challenge looked very much like Hang On. A few years later the game really did start to look dated, so they contacted Sega for an all-new game (They made the original you see). Sega, I guess went to Cave who in return came up with Delisoba Deluxe. This game was used as part of the TV show for many years however they never did show an actual Saturn. The contestants would sit upon a scooter in front of a big screen trying to control the game. This is probably why this game is analog-compatible as well as having digital controls.

The idea of the game is pretty simple. In a team of two, you must deliver the soba to the Fuji Network TV Studios (Where TBS made the show). Sounds easy and to be honest it is but still great fun. On your travels you have to avoid herds of cows, badly parked busses just like in real Japanese life, a banana throwing gorilla on the back of a truck and awful drivers, again, true to Japanese life (^o^).

The disc consists of 4 main modes, the TV game, Time Attack, Coin Attack where you have to collect as many coins as possible in a row to make the highest combo and finally the Edit mode. The edit mode is actually pretty cool since you can make your very own course to race on. Everything in customizable from the terrain, buildings and objects.

While Delisoba Deluxe is not the most exciting game out there it is indeed the best promotion disc I've ever come across for the Saturn. A genuinely playable game for once.

Now, I don't normally offer screenshots for my games but in this game's case, I'll make an exception due to the sheer rarity of them on the net.  Click the thumbnails below to see the full-size screenshots.  Also, don't forget to check out the video linked below.

[denimbex1986]

'Some have hailed the show as one of the best original series produced by the streaming company in a while, but others can’t get past the first episode.

Ripley, starring Andrew Scott and Dakota Fanning, is one of the most popular additions to the Netflix catalogue this year.

The eight-part miniseries, based on the 1955 Patricia Highsmith psychological thriller, The Talented Mr Ripley, boasts a riveting serial killer narrative and a stellar performance from one of the hottest names in TV and film at this moment in time.

Ripley follows the story of a grifter scraping by in early 1960s New York who is hired by a wealthy man to travel to Italy to try to convince his vagabond son to return home. His acceptance of the job is the first step into a complex life of deceit, fraud and murder.

The show landed on Netflix in the UK and Ireland in April, and immediately received rave reviews for it’s eerie opening episode.

However, it seems many fans have disembarked after realising that one stylistic cinematography choice remains in place throughout it’s eight episodes.

In a five-star review, the Guardian said the series surpassed Matt Damon’s 1999 film version “largely thanks to Scott, who is just mesmerising.”

BBC Culture also handed Ripley a five-star rating, saying: “The great Andrew Scott brings a hum of sinister energy to the role of Tom Ripley, in a psychological thriller full of suspense from the start.”

Meanwhile, Collider said Ripley is a “near-perfect series” thanks to its “ensemble cast, stellar cinematography, and adept direction.” The publication added that the show is “easily one of the best shows Netflix has ever done.”

And, in a four-star review, Empire described the show as “a slick, stark series”, adding: “It is rare to find television this genuinely ambitious or finely tuned.”

However, as often the case, opinions of the experts vary greatly from that of the general viewer at home on their sofa.

Many were left frustrated as soon as they clicked on the ‘next episode’ feature at the end of the first episode, and realised within the first few seconds that the black and white filmography wasn’t just a feature of the opening chapter.

Writer-director Steve Zaillian opted for the old-fashioned black and white technique as a tool to tell the story, which is set in the 1960’s in both New York City and on Italy’s Amalfi coast.

In an interview with Variety, Zaillian revealed that he decided on the choice to make the show in black and white from the get go. “The edition of the Ripley book I had on my desk had an evocative black-and-white photograph on the cover,” he said. “As I was writing, I held that image in my mind. Black and white fits this story—and it’s gorgeous.”

Zaillian elaborated: “I also felt that this story—the one that she told, the one that I wanted to tell—was quite sinister and quite dark,” he said. “I just couldn’t imagine that taking place in a beautiful Italian setting with bright blue skies and colorful outfits and things like that.”

While the American filmmaker’s reasons for filming in black and white seem entirely reasonable, it may have cost him a certain contingency of viewers.

One person took to Twitter to express their annoyance at the retro cinematography choice.

“I didn’t last the first episode. The cinematography is so annoying,” they wrote.

Another commented: “Why on earth is Ripley filmed in black and white? Surely the only reason to not film in colour previously was technology. Totally killed it for me, the dog seems quite OK with it though.”

“Black and white is a good way to keep the budget down but adds nothing,” another wrote.

Others seemed to be able to overlook the stylistic choice, and were completely gripped by the actions and reactions of Tom Ripley.

Twitter user Sarah Phelps wrote: “Ok so I’ve already done two hours work and I’m having a big cuppa tea and watching the first episode of Ripley on Netflix and I;m here to tell you that it and Andrew Scott are both astonishingly beautiful and strange and deeply unsettling and you should watch it.”

If that monologue isn’t enough to convince you to press play, I don’t know what will.'

[allgoldenelite]

i recently rewatched this movie as well, for the first time since i saw it when it came out in theaters 17 years (💀) ago. even without everything OP mentions above, it's a remarkable work of art imo and i can't recommend a rewatch (or a first watch) enough, especially for my fellow queer ppl.

i actually have a lot of thoughts about the narrative structure of this movie, so i'm very sorry /gen to piggyback ride off this post but i genuinely didn't know where i could put these thoughts except here and have a chance of at least being a little bit heard. this is also gonna be full of spoilers so pls watch the movie first if you're so inclined 🙏 i promise i won't be too long, you'll see why.

anyway, the thing this movie does is refer back to previous lines, shots and ideas constantly. it's almost like lost (the tv show) in the way it evokes itself as it unfolds, whenever thematically prescient. that goes for the smallest things like single lines or shots, to the greater overarching structure. its basic premise isn't anything out of the ordinary, it follows the standard "(speedy) setup, intensifying intrigue and tension, 1st release of tension, low point, re-encouragement, intensifying intrigue and tension and final release of tension" structure just as you would expect it to (especially given the fact that it's essentially one big homage (iykyk) to classic action movies).

however, 1) despite inheriting a good third of its DNA from said classics, it stands VERY much on its own legs. the comedy and editing are unlike anything you'll normally see (in a good way) and all the one liners that are given gravitas in the movie are actually inventions of the writers, not of other movies. it LOVES what it references and parodies; like the director said in an interview there is no sneer here, no contempt. it knows action movies are, for the most part, fucking stupid and that by association it itself is fucking stupid and that that's a good thing. it also knows that there is a part to buddy action movies that is inherently gay. the crux of the whole "buddy cop romcom" is that it's simultaneously a joke (where the red herring mystery and the preposterous logic of the world are concerned) and not a joke (where angel and danny are concerned).

ergo, 2) the entire structure evokes, as OP mentions, angel's relationship with his ex girlfriend for the beginning portion, and then more and more his relationship with danny. there is, in the way this movie is structured and edited, a real, tangible transfer being documented over time from the things angel's japanese peace lily and his notepad symbolize (trust me there's a whole lot) over to danny and sandford. you can tell that the writers (i think wright and pegg worked on this for over a year and a half?) took the whole "the romance isn't connected to the actual plot" point seriously, bc danny and angel's relationship is so intricately tied to the murders in sandford that removing it makes everything fall together like a house of cards. just like all the movies it explicitly references (like lethal weapon, bad boys 2, and point break most importantly), the dynamic makes this movie work, but in more ways than you would think.

so, the only way i could think of that would show ppl, even those who have seen the movie, what i mean was by anally cataloguing all the instances of callbacks etc in the movie and talking a bit about my thoughts concerning various narrative strands (especially concerning the romance) as i went along. so uh, if you wanna read 8k of poorly proofread bullet points (no pun intended) about hot fuzz, i got you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I just watched Hot Fuzz again and I need to talk about it.

The writers for Hot Fuzz have said several times that Nicolas originally had a female love interest but she took up too much time without being connected to the murder plot so they removed her completely and instead gave her core dialogue and scenes to Danny, making him the love interest.

The movie constantly makes connections between Danny and Nicolas’ ex-girlfriend. For example, she complained about Nicolas forgetting her birthday so later on Nicolas panics when nobody told him it was Danny’s birthday. She told him he has to find someone he can love more than work and by the end he chose Danny over working in London. He gifts Danny flowers and wins him a stuffed toy. They spend the night out together followed by Danny inviting Nicolas home. They have a romantic theme that only plays during their emotional scenes. We even see the exact moment Nicolas realise he’s in love with Danny when the old lady asks if he’s buying flowers for a special someone and he says “….Yes” with a shy little smile.

The only thing missing is an actual kiss but in the Cornetto trilogy romantic relationships are rarely sealed with a kiss. In Shaun of The Dead the main romantic couple Shaun and Liz never kissed once and they had as much physical contact as Nicolas and Danny.

It’s funny to watch this movie and realise it has more queer content than some more modern movies and shows that are hailed as good queer media.

Like, I’ve never heard anyone accuse Hot Fuzz of queerbaiting but because it treats Nicolas and Danny’s relationship the same way most movies treat straight romances in the genre (it was literally originally written as a straight romance) people just didn’t notice it was a queer movie or thought it was a joke on homoerotic buddy cop movies. If it came out today it would absolutely be on the queer movie list.

[ear-worthy]

STEM Toy Company & Wondery Announce Collaboration Due To Wow in the World Podcast

Podcasts have engendered TV show, movies, and other podcasts. But now, podcasts have launched toys? Could we see Roman Mars, Ira Glass, or Malcolm Gladwell dolls?

Maybe in the future, but right now, podcast studio Wondery (owned by Amazon), and award-winning makers of premium STEM toys, Thames & Kosmos, have announced a first-of-its-kind collaboration. The companies will debut an all-new line of STEM toys and science kits inspired by the #1 science podcast for kids and their grown-ups, Wow in the World. Launching at retail in Fall 2024, the Wondery Kids Wow in the World toy line is designed by Thames & Kosmos and combines classic science learning toys and engaging audio content to offer kids and families a brand-new way to play. The toy line further builds on Wondery’s stated vision, giving fans new ways to engage with their favorite podcast shows.

Developed for kids ages 4+ (those who love science, and even those who think they don’t!) and their grown-ups, the Wondery Kids Wow in the World toy line invites kids to tap into their curiosity and connect to the world around them. 

Ranging in price from $14.95 to $29.95, the toy line offers a strong value proposition with incredibly well-made products designed for replayability. Launching with the release of seven unique products—from a timeless volcano experiment kit with a twist to a high-flying air rocket that has a delightfully surprising “WOW!” factor—each toy incorporates durable, high-quality materials and open-ended play patterns and includes a classic science tool that can be used beyond the scope of the toy itself. 

Each toy also features exclusive companion audio content from Wow in the World hosts Guy Raz and Mindy Thomas, and a complimentary 3-month subscription to Wondery+ for grown-ups to explore Wondery’s full catalogue. Available Fall 2024, the toy line will introduce kids to a range of STEM subjects including physics, geology, biology, and the natural world. 

Created by Tinkercast and hosted by podcast influencers and New York Times-bestselling children’s book authors Guy Raz and Mindy Thomas, Wow in the World is a beloved part of family routines everywhere, and is forging ahead as the first kids and family podcast to deliver a full 360° lifestyle franchise. 

The toy line joins a New York Times-bestselling book series published by HarperCollins, a sold-out live tour that meets fans across the country, and TinkerClass, the first-of-its-kind “podject” (podcasts & projects)-based learning that invites students in grades K-5 to listen, wonder, tinker and make. Additional Consumer Product partners will be announced in the coming months. 

 Nicole Blake, Head of Franchise Development, Wondery, said, “Podcasts are the perfect complement to families’ existing routines, whether it’s their daily school commute, bedtime, and even playtime. As the leading innovators in STEM toys, Thames & Kosmos was the ideal partner to level up playtime by bringing together premium audio content with physical toys for the first time to offer a truly unique play experience.

“As a toy company rooted in sparking curiosity, imagination, and a genuine love of learning, we are thrilled to work with Wondery to develop a toy line based on Wow in the World,” said Andrew Quartin, CEO, Thames & Kosmos.

Ted McGuire, President, Thames & Kosmos, added, “At Thames & Kosmos, we pride ourselves on pushing the boundaries of STEM learning through play and wanted to take this opportunity to level up classic products and play patterns in a whole new way with toys that kids will learn something new from every time they play with them. We really feel like we’ve achieved that with these new products and can’t wait for kids’ reactions this Fall.” 

 Wondery says: "Listen every Monday as Guy Raz and Mindy Thomas share stories about the latest news in science, technology, and innovation that tickle our funny bones and make us all say "WOW"!

[i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend]

In a Heartbeat ~ Doctor!Bucky x Reader Oneshot

A/N: Title subject to change. This is a GIANT CONGRATULATIONS PRESENT for my fave Doctor!Bucky lover and yours @captainscanadian Because my girl finished undergrad today! Congrats, bby! Enjoy this doctor!bucky fluff that I said I would write a million years ago. ;) I'm so proud of you!!

Summary: What should have been a fun night out ends in the ER. At least your doctor is handsome?

Characters/Pairings: Bucky x Reader, Wanda Maximoff

Warnings: Injuries (fractured ankle), hospital, getting a cast, xrays and catscan. I think that's it. Fluff

Word Count: 2190

For the first hour of your stay in the ER you couldn’t decide if the constant beeping from the machine beside you was calming or irritating.

As it rolled into the second hour, you settled on irritating. You glared down at your ankle even though it was hidden under the blanket. You moved it ever so slightly, wincing as it caught on the sheet.

You unlocked your phone, letting your friends know that yes you were still here. And no you didn’t have any updates. And no they shouldn’t feel guilty.

A small part of you had blamed them in the first moments, after all they were the ones who convinced you to celebrate the end of finals with some drinking and dancing.

You checked your make up in the mirror next to your front door before locking up. You glanced at the door across the hall, hoping to catch the eye of your hunky neighbor before heading out. But no dice.

Oh well. At least your dress would likely be appreciated at the club. You’d even pulled out your comfy heels. Heels which were now mocking you from their spot on the chair next to your purse.

You’d been feeling good strutting down the stairs of your apartment building when a group of college kids who had clearly been pre-gaming, thundered past you, forcing you to press up against the wall. When you’d taken your next step your heel broke and you went sliding down 15 stairs.

You’d thought your ass had taken the worst of it until you tried to stand up and immediately cried out in pain.

So instead of ferrying you to a club, the Uber your friends arrived in took you to the hospital. You’d sent your friends on their way once you’d been processed and were waiting to be admitted. No need to spoil everyone’s night.

But now five hours later and bored out of your skull you were regretting that decision. You were going to lose your mind. You’d only left the room twice. Once for an x-ray and once for a CT scan.

You turned on the TV and settled on the game show network, letting the episode of family feud distract you.

You were on your third episode when a nurse came in.

“Hello. I’m Wanda, the night shift nurse. How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay. I’m just eager to get out of here.”

“I’ll bet you are. Dr. Barnes should be in soon,” she assured you. “He just finished up a surgery.”

“Sounds good.”

She checked your chart, noting your vitals and making sure that you weren’t tangled in any wires.

“Can I get you anything?”

“Can I have some water?”

“Sure. I’ll be right back.”

Wanda brought back a cup of water and a warm blanket.

“Thought you might be cold,” she explained.

“Actually yeah. Thanks. Is there any way I can take this off?” You gestured to the heart rate monitor on your finger.

She shot you an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry. It’s protocol.”

“Worth a shot,” you shrugged.

“I’ll come and check on you in a little bit.”

“Thank you.”

She bustled out of the room and you turned your attention back to the TV which had moved on the Price is Right reruns.

You must have drifted off because the next thing you know you were being gently shaken. Your eyes were finally able to focus on a pair of entirely too blue eyes.

As your brain caught up, you realized the blue eyes were set in a very handsome face. A familiar handsome face at that.

“2A?” you asked cocking your head to the side.

He chuckled as you readjusted yourself trying to discretely check that you hadn’t drooled in your sleep.

“Most people call me Dr. Barnes. Or Bucky.”

“Bucky?”

That made even less sense. You were certain the name on his mailbox was James.

“My middle name is Buchanan. And what shall I call you, 2B?”

“Y/n.”

“Well it’s very nice to officially meet you, Y/n. Although I wish it were under better circumstances. Let’s take a look at this ankle shall we?”

You nodded, and he took that as an assent to lift the blanket. He folded in neatly up over your knee leaving most of your lap covered. You grimaced when you saw the swelling was even worse now than when you arrived.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

You relayed your story to him, omitting the bit about hoping to run into him. He listened intently, making the occasional note but mainly he just nodded.

“I’m going to examine it now,” he announced.

His hands were sure and practiced as he gently turned your ankle from side to side. It twinged occasionally, so you focused on his features to distract yourself.

You catalogued each in turn but lingered on his sharp jawline. Your thoughts drifted to peppering kisses along it and down his neck.

You were startled when his cerulean gaze met yours with a concerned look.

“Did that hurt?”

“Not really. Why?”

You were genuinely confused by the question. You hadn’t noticed anything amiss in his examination.

“Your heart rate was elevated. And you, ummm,” he broke eye contact for the first time.

“I what?”

“Squeaked.”

Your eyes widened and your chest felt hot with embarrassment. You glanced at the traitorous machine which was live casting your racing heart. Although that probably was less of the issue than the fact that you squeaked.

“I guess the hospital just makes me nervous,” you lied lamely.

He didn’t look convinced but thankfully let it go.

“I just need to check one more angle.”

This time it was painful and you yelped.

“Sorry.” He gingerly placed your foot back on the pillow that had been elevating it and covered it with the blanket.

He held the CT scans and X-rays up to the light as you watched him. You once again failed to notice your heart rate climbing as you admired the bulge of his bicep.

Dr. Barnes however definitely noticed. He smiled over at you reassuringly, which failed to help the issue at all. He glanced at the erratically beeping machine, before looking back to you. You would swear that there was a hint of smugness in his expression. But he kept it well hidden.

“Well, I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news.”

“Lay it on me, doc.”

“Well, the good news is that you will not be needing surgery. It’s a minor fracture.”

“And the bad news?”

“It’s a minor fracture that requires a cast.”

“How long?”

“Eight weeks. Total.”

“Eight weeks on crutches?” You whined.

“You should only be on crutches for the first four. After that, assuming everything is healing well, you’ll be in a walking cast.”

You groaned and shot a murderous glare at your heels once again.

“The price we pay for fashion.”

“I’ll have Wanda prepare everything now. It should only take about an hour.”

“Well, that sure cuts into my dancing plans,” you joked, frustrated by being stuck there for another hour.

It would be morning before you got home.

“Is that where you were headed?” he asked as he pressed the call button.

“Yeah. My friends finally convinced me to go out with them for once and look where it got me,” you laughed humorlessly. “Well at least I’m done for the summer. So the leg won’t mess me up too bad.”

Wanda appeared in the doorway.

“What do you need, doctor Barnes?”

“I need a cast kit. For the ankle.”

“Got it. I’ll be right back.”

You expected Bucky to leave then, but he continued bustling around the room.

“You said you’re done for the summer. Are you a teacher?”

“Kinda.”

He quirked an eyebrow at you.

“I’m a graduate student. So I just finished up TAing for the semester.”

“Ahh. Are you doing research then?”

“I’m finishing up the edits on my thesis actually. So this might actually make me do it instead of procrastinating," you giggled.

“What’s your thesis on?”

You were in the middle of explaining your thesis, when Wanda returned. Genuinely interested in your area of research, Bucky continued asking you questions as he wrapped the liner around your leg.

From time to time he would grin up at you and the damn heart rate monitor would go off all over again. You’d gotten over your embarrassment for the most part, until Wanda had to suppress a giggle because your heart actually skipped a beat.

“Alright. You are all set. Wanda will grab you your crutches and your discharge papers. You’ll need to make a follow up with your Orthopedic in four weeks.”

“Since I don’t have an orthopedic on speed dial, do you know any good ones?”

Bucky chuckled.

“I’ll have her put my practice’s number on the sheet.”

“Thanks, Doc.”

“No problem. Do you have any questions before I go?”

“How long do you think getting all the paperwork sorted will take?”

“Not long. Twenty minutes or so. Why?”

“Just wondering if I should order my Uber now or wait.”

He glanced at the clock on the wall. His fingers drummed against the clipboard in his hand as he momentarily mulled something over.

“If you’re willing to wait another forty-five minutes, I can drive you home when I get off my shift.”

You immediately shook your head.

“You so don’t need to do that.”

“Please. It’s literally on my way home.”

You nibbled on your lip. It would be a lot easier.

“If you’re sure.”

He seemed almost relieved when you accepted.

“Absolutely. It’s been pretty quiet tonight, so you can just hang out in here until I get back.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem.”

He smiled, softer than the other ones he’d given you so far before hanging your chart on the end of your bed and exiting the room, bumping into the glass door as he went. You stifled a giggle. Maybe you weren’t the only one affected.

It took a little over thirty minutes to get you processed. And before you knew it Bucky was helping you into his car. You went in butt first and then swung your cast leg, followed by your good leg in just a hospital sock. Bucky handed you your shoes and purse.

“So, do you chauffer all of your patients home?” You teased as you left the parking lot.

“Only the ones who live across the hall. Speaking of which, I am sorry this is the first time we’ve gotten to meet properly. Not very neighborly of me.”

“I can’t imagine why you haven’t made your way over with your loads of free time,” you deadpanned, earning you an eyeroll. “But however it happened, I’m glad that we met. It was getting to the awkward stage.”

“Yeah, seven months of passing waves is a long time.”

You hummed your agreement.

“So, how did you get into medicine?”

“Family business.”

He told you all about his surgeon mom and physician father as you drove home. His siblings were also in medicine and even his childhood best friend.

“That is so many medical degrees in one house. Must be rousing holiday dinner conversations.”

“We actually have a no shop talk rule.”

“And how long does that last?” you asked knowingly.

“Through appetizers… maybe.”

“Your family sounds amazing.”

“They are. I wouldn’t trade them for anything,” he admitted as he parked his car.

Bucky carefully helped you out of the car and up to your apartment. You’d never been so glad to live in a building with an elevator.

“I feel like I should offer you breakfast for bringing me home,” you admitted as you plopped down on the couch, and lifted your foot onto the coffee table exhausted from the crutches.

“You need to stay off that foot. But I’m sure you’re starving and so am I. Got any pancake mix?”

“Doctor Barnes, you really don’t have to do that.”

“It’s Bucky. We’re back to just neighbors here. And I want to.”

“How can I repay you?”

“Think about going out on a date with me when your leg is all healed.”

You cocked your head, as you appraised him.

“Just think about it?”

He scratched behind his ear as he shrugged a little.

“I’ve been wanting to ask you out for well… about seven months. But I don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything. Because you don’t. I would have brought any of my neighbors home,” he rambled.

“You’re a really good guy,” you hummed.

“Could you tell my Ma that?” he joked, though his ears tinged pink.

“Happily. And I’d love to think about going on a date with you.”

He beamed back at you.

“I’ll take it. So pancakes?”

“In the cabinet above the fridge. Next to the chocolate chips.”

He nodded, taking the hint on your favorite add on.

“I’m on it.”

Eight weeks later when your walking cast came off, you and Bucky went out for dinner… for your two month anniversary.

Your heart definitely still raced when he smiled at you. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

A/N: There we have it! I hope you enjoyed @captainscanadian.

[smartpartexporter]

[daz4i]

dgmw it certainly has its own staples and running elememts but they're. a part of the format. like all the vhs effects or old timey tv programs, that's kind of the point

but some ppl take it as "creepy faces" "uncanny valley" etc. or they make the story happen in modern day but without justifying the use of analog technology via the story. and while i can suspend my disbelief obviously it still kind of misses the point, like why go through the extra effort of adding all these elements if the story doesn't back it up and it only looks jarring and confusing

and another way it's expressed is people just. making other forms of art with these common tropes (like uncanny valley and the likes) without including really any analog element at all. bc like. they're just drawings posted on a blog, for example

as usual it doesn't actually matter this is just semantics and me complaining but. this is just regular horror bestie you're making horror content. or you CAN just make regular horror content there's really no need to go through all that

i think the main reason is. younger audiences latched onto some series. and they genuinely don't understand what analog means or how it works bc they never grew up with it. hearing creators of some classics talk abt why they think analog horror hits as hard as it does, they usually go for nostalgia - "things that remind you of the times when you were young, like these old timey shows or commercials you used to watch on tv as a kid, but now there is something clearly sinister in them". this familiarity is part of the horror, part of the reason the format exists, yet a lot of creators and fans alike don't seem to get the point

i think. analog horror gained traction in part bc it's so accessible to make. due to the inherent low quality the end product has, you don't need to put too much effort into visual details, or get the best sound quality in every recording, which lowers the skill level and required equipment you may need in order to create other horror projects. buuuuuut the more the market got saturated, the longer the game of telephone went, and you started getting projects that don't understand why any part of analog horror is the way it is and just slap this title on it either out of a misunderstanding or to get the algorithm going

again this doesn't actually matter. i'm just complaining. i think it's unfortunate and i think the reason some people and esp other horror fans are so put off by it is they only encountered some of its late stage creations. in addition, it gives some well made series a bad name and causes people to mock them - best example i can think of is the mandela catalogue, which ppl think is generic bc of its "photoshop liquify tool" type of horror, but it was basically the first project that used this element (or at least the first one of thise that blew up), it just suffers from this oversaturation of people (both fans and haters) misunderstanding what analog horror is and thinking the creepy faces are the point. and that just makes me a bit sad

i think analog horror kinda lost the plot as a concept when ppl stopped treating it like what it actually is - a media form - and started treating it like a genre

[dailytomlinson]

While many artists would jump at the chance to tell you how lockdown has been a fruitful opportunity for self-improvement, full of pseudo self-help books and pompous podcasts, former One Directioner Louis Tomlinson is adamant that he has done, well, nothing.

“I’ve just watched loads of s___ TV,” he says after a long pause. “The Undoing is decent, isn’t it?”

Twenty-eight--year-old Tomlinson from Doncaster was always the down-to-earth Directioner, frequently describing himself as fringe member who spent more time analysing the band’s contracts than singing solos, known for chain-smoking his way through several packs of cigarettes a day and swearing like a trooper. A rarity, these days, among millennials who’d rather suck on a stem of kale and tweet about their #blessings.

He's getting ready to rehearse an exciting one-off gig that will be live-streamed from a secret London location on December 12, announced today exclusively via the Telegraph. The proceeds of the night will be split across four charities: The Stagehand Covid-19 Crew Relief Fund and Crew Nation, Bluebell Wood Children’s Hospice and Marcus Rashford’s charity FareShare, to help end child poverty.

The gig means a great deal to Tomlinson, whose first ever tour as a solo artist, to promote his debut solo album WALLS, was cut short back in March after just two concerts in Spain and Mexico. It was an album he’d spent five years working on: a guitar-led project that ruptured with the preppy pop anthems of One Direction, inspired instead by Tomlinson’s love for Britpop.

No doubt he was anxious to get it right following a decade “grown in test tubes”, as Harry Styles once described the band’s formation on the X Factor, where they came third before going on to make a reported $280,000 a day as the most successful band in the world. The pressure, too, was intense: all four bandmates had already released their own solo debuts.

Was he left reeling, I ask, unable to perform at such a crucial moment?

“The thing that I always enjoyed the most about One Direction was playing the shows, so my master plan, when I realised I was going to do a solo career, was always my first tour. It’s something I’ve been looking forward to for the best part of five years now. I got so close, I got a taste for it, and it’s affected me like everyone else, but I’m forever an optimist,” he says down the phone, with what I can only imagine to be a rather phlegmatic shrug.

Sure, I say, but the last year can’t have been easy. Didn’t he feel like his purpose had popped?

“You know what,” he says, reflecting, “maybe because I’ve had real dark moments in my life, they’ve given me scope for optimism. In the grand scheme of things, of what I’ve experienced, these everyday problems...they don’t seem so bad.”

Tomlinson is referring to losing his 43-year-old mother, a midwife, to leukemia in 2016, and his 18-year-old sister Felicite, a model, to an accidental drug overdose in 2018. The double tragedy is something he has been open about on his own terms, dedicating his single, Two of Us, from WALLS, to his mother Johannah, while often checking in with fans who have lost members of their own family.

It’s not unusual for Tomlinson to ask his 34.9 million followers if they’re doing alright, receiving hundreds of thousands of personal replies. It’s not something he will discuss in interviews, however, after he slammed BBC Breakfast for shamelessly probing his trauma in February this year. “Never going back there again,” he tweeted after coming off the show.

“Social media is a ruthless, toxic place, so I don’t like to spend much time there,” says Tomlinson, “but because of experiencing such light and shade all while I was famous, I have a very deep connection with my fans. They’ve always been there for me.”

In return, Tomlinson is good to them. Last month he even promised some new music, saying that he’d written four songs in four days. Does this mean that a second album is on the way?

“Yeah, definitely,” he says. “I’m very, very excited. I had basically penciled down a plan before corona took over our lives. And now it's kind of given me a little bit of time to really get into what I want to say and what I want things to sound like. Because, you know, I was really proud of my first record, but there were moments that I felt were truer to me than others. I think that there were some songs where I took slightly more risk and owned what I love, saying, ‘This is who I want to be’. So I want to take a leaf out of their book.”

Fans might think he’s referring to writing more heartfelt autobiographical content such as Two of Us, but in fact, he’s referring specifically to rock-inspired Kill My Mind, he says, the first song on WALLS. “There’s a certain energy in that song, in its delivery, in its attitude, that I want to recreate. People are struggling at the moment, so I want to create a raucous, exciting atmosphere in my live show, not a somber, thoughtful one.”

He sighs, trying to articulate something that’s clearly been playing on his mind for a while. “You know, because of my story, my album was a little heavy at times and a little somber. And as I'm sure you're aware, from talking to me, now, that isn't who I am.”

It must be draining, I say, the weight of expectation in both the media and across his fanbase, to be a spokesperson for grief and hardship. To have tragedy prelude everything he does and says.

“Honestly, it’s part of being from Doncaster as well, I don’t like people feeling sorry for me. That’s the last thing I want.”

Too many incredible memories to mention but not a day goes by that I don't think about how amazing it was. @NiallOfficial @Harry_Styles @LiamPayne @zaynmalik . So proud of you all individually.

The problem is, says Tomlinson, he doesn’t have the best imagination. “I have interesting things to say musically, but what’s challenging from a writing perspective is that I write from the heart, and I can’t really get into someone else’s story. And right now, being stuck at home, you have so little experience to draw from. It’s actually quite hard to write these positive, uplifting songs, because actually, the experiences that you're going through on a day to day basis, you know, you they don't have that same flavour.”

There is something that’s helping, though: a secret spot near Los Angeles, where he divides his time. “It’s remote and kind of weird, and I’m going to go there for three days and write. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to it. I found it via a YouTube video. It’s got some very interesting locals who live there, it’s sort of backwards when it comes to technology. It feels like you’re going back in time when you’re there. But I don’t want to give it away.”

Another source of inspiration for his second album is the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ back catalogue. “I grew up on their album Bytheway. And during lockdown I've been knee deep in their stuff. I’ve watched every documentary, every video. And I find their lead guitarist John Frusciante just fascinating.”

Has he spoken to Frusicante?

“I f______ wish,” snorts Tomlinson.

Surely someone as well-known as Tomlinson could easily get in touch?

“No, honestly, I think he’s too cool for that. He’s not into that kind of thing.”

Tomlinson’s passion for all things rock is also spurring on a side hustle he picked up as a judge on the X Factor in 2018: managing an all-female rock band via his own imprint on Simon Cowell’s Syco label. While the group disbanded before releasing their first single, and Tomlinson split from Syco earlier this year, the singer is keen to nurture some more talent.

“I'm not gonna lie, my process with my imprint through Syco, it became challenging and it became frustrating at times,” Tomlinson says a little wearily. “The kind of artists that I was interested in developing – because I genuinely feel through my experience in One Direction, you know, one of the biggest f______ bands, I feel like I've learned a lot about the industry – they weren’t ready-made. So I had lots of artists that I took through the door that were rough and ready, but major labels want to see something that works straight away. I found that a little bit demotivating. I love her and she's an incredible artist, but not everyone is a Taylor Swift.”

Tomlinson spends much of his free time scouting new talent either on YouTube, Reddit or BBC Introducing – he’s currently a huge fan of indie Brighton band, Fickle Friends. His dream is to manage an all-female band playing instruments. “Because there's no one in that space. And I know eventually if I don't do it, someone else will!”

Before he drives off to rehearsals, we chatter about how much he's been practising his guitar playing, and how he can't wait to take the whole team working at his favourite grassroots venue, The Dome in Doncaster, out ice-skating after he performs there on his rescheduled tour. “Because I've got skills,” he says, and I can hear his chest puff.

And then I ask the question every retired member of One Direction has been batting off ever since they broke up in 2015, after Zayn Malik quit. Rumours that his bandmates saw him as a Judas went wild after some eagle eyes fans noticed they’d unfollowed him on Instagram. Payne, Tomlinson, Horan and Styles have barely mentioned him since. Recently, however, they re-followed him, and Payne has teased that a One Direction reunion is on the cards.

So: might 2021 be the year of resurrection?

“I thought you were going to ask something juicier!” say Tomlinson witheringly. “Look, I f______ love One Direction. I'm sure we're going to come back together one day, and I'll be doing a couple of One Direction songs in my gig. I always do that, so that's not alluding to any reunion or anything. But, I mean, look, I'm sure one day we'll get back together, because, you know, we were f______ great.”

[woolieshubris]

OKAY im going to preface rant with this- 1) i know none of yall know this game cuz while its popular enough to get a series, its not really popular enough to be part of the general consciousness 2) I've only played the 3rd and 4th installments, so I dont have an extensive knowledge on the series. What I'd want to see in Girls Mode 5 (Aka, style savvy 4, or new style boutique 4) 1) UPDATED TEXTURES. this game has been going on since the DS days, and they just port the old clothes into the new games to pad out the inventory. It's nice because it means you can pretty much move on to the new games with little to no regrets, however the textures on the 3ds XL screen, and emulator (because emulator is the only way to get HD screenshots lol rip) are really really nasty. It's super pixelly but not in a nostalgic way, and it clashes heavily with the newer textures and clothes, making it harder to coordinate outfits. The new game would be coming out on the switch, so the old textures would be even more noticeable when on a TV. You don't need to update the models itself, just the textures on the models. 2) KEEP THE MINI PLOTS. GM 4 has a really cute system with the characters, making it so a handful of them have reoccurring stories and plots! (Not every single one of the characters, because there are tons). I really like this, and it genuinely makes me play day after day. 3) FIX THE DAYS SYSTEM. GM 3 had a day system similar to animal crossing, where the stores and story would only update on a day by day basis. I liked the stores only updating once a day (made it less overwhelming to check for new clothing) but the story progression was longer. GM 3 did have less plot to follow however, so it made more sense. GM 4 has a day system typical of life sim games, where you go to sleep when you run out of tasks to do for the day. I like this system because it doesn't limit the things you can do in one play session, and it can make the story more engaging. It also updates the stores more often, making it easier to 100% and collect all of the clothes, however, it makes the game less engaging over time, and doesn't give an incentive to play day after day. I think a mix between the two could create a more interesting game, but I'm not sure how they would go about doing that. There are pros and cons to each system. 4) BRING BACK RAINBOW Rainbow was a character in GM 3, where by taking screenshots of the game and showing them to her, she would find and unlock hidden colors. I really like this mechanic and think it is interesting, even though it can be a bit tedious at times. Maybe a system where instead of you showing the pictures, she automatically tells you if you unlocked them + shows you the photo that unlocked it? 5) REMOVE OR CHANGE THE DESIGN CLOTHES The main gimmick of GM 4 was designing your own clothes. The game doesn't really push you to do it at all, and the clothes they have you design don't match the clothes already in the game. Most of these "customization" options in games aren't actually that useful and I personally just ignore them in favor of prebuilt pretty clothes. I think either changing it so that certain clothes can be recolored by you/dyed, or changing it so that you can recycle clothes into new ones would be interesting, and a good way to add the mechanic to future games. 6) CHANGE THE BUILDING EDITING SYSTEM. GM 3 and GM 4 both struggle with a clunky furniture moving system. The design is similar to happy house designer, however the menus feel clunky to navigate through and are overall more difficult to use. I think revamping it a bit to make it smoother would be the way to go. GM 3 had a dollhouse theme, and so changing the furniture and collecting new pieces was referred to as collecting miniatures, which I liked. 7) INCLUDE MORE STYLES OF CLOTHING. One of the biggest draws of the GM series, that brought me to it specifically, was the subculture themed clothing! They have punk/emo, classic/sweet lolita, gothic lolita, "retro", preppy, decora kei, and probably more. Adding more styles, such

as Mori, would be a good move for the series, and also a good way to market it to a young teen demographic, especially as dress up games become more popular. 8) REMOVE/CHANGE THE BOHO-CHIC ITEMS. A lot of the boho-chic items in the game are actually just culturally appropriated from native americans, which while true to the style it is trying to emulate, is a bit weird to see, and could cause controversy later in the line. This game is made by a japanese company and translated to english, so I understand why they are still in a game that came out in 2017 but still, it isn't a great look for nintendo. 9) ALLOW YOURSELF TO CHANGE YOUR PERSONA LATER IN THE GAME. In GM 4 and 3, at the start of the game, you get to design a character and choose facial features, skintone and height. You should be able to edit the character later in the game, possibly through settings or something. Fixed character customization is a bit of an outdated thing anyways, with most modern games allowing you to change your avatar as much as you want. 10) CHANGE ONLINE PLAY. Currently, in GM 3 and 4, online play usually consists of sharing the building and your personas outfit. I think there should be less of an emphasis of sharing the building, and more emphasis on sharing outfits, since that is what the game centers around. Obviously the boutique interior is the place you are going to see the most in the game, but focusing on outfits you have created makes more sense for the series and genre. There are more additions/changes to the series that I'd like to see, such as a larger male catalogue/allowing to pick a male avatar, a range of body types, LGBT rep, or disability rep, however, I know those are mostly too much to ask for a light hearted dress up game RPG made for a young female demographic, sadly. I think marketing the game largely to young teens on platforms such as instagram and tiktok, and emphasizing the subculture styles such as punk and y2k would be a great marketing strategy, especially since those demographics are flocking to online dress up browser games that have a similar focus. Promoting the shareability of the ingame outfits by having an easy/quick to use photo booth and an easy way to crop the photos/videos to fit a phone format would also be a great way to have the game spread through word of mouth. Of course, nintendo can kind of suck at marketing their games, especially more obscure titles like this, so I don't expect most or really any of this to happen.

[louistomlinsoncouk]

While many artists would jump at the chance to tell you how lockdown has been a fruitful opportunity for self-improvement, full of pseudo self-help books and pompous podcasts, former One Directioner Louis Tomlinson is adamant that he has done, well, nothing.

“I’ve just watched loads of s___ TV,” he says after a long pause. “The Undoing is decent, isn’t it?”

Twenty-eight--year-old Tomlinson from Doncaster was always the down-to-earth Directioner, frequently describing himself as fringe member who spent more time analysing the band’s contracts than singing solos, known for chain-smoking his way through several packs of cigarettes a day and swearing like a trooper. A rarity, these days, among millennials who’d rather suck on a stem of kale and tweet about their #blessings.

Far from aimless, however, today the singer is full of beans, cheerily shushing his barking dog as he potters about his North London home where he lives with his best friend from home, Oli, and his girlfriend, the model Eleanor Calder.

He's getting ready to rehearse an exciting one-off gig that will be live-streamed from a secret London location on December 12, announced today exclusively via the Telegraph. The proceeds of the night will be split across four charities: The Stagehand Covid-19 Crew Relief Fund and Crew Nation, Bluebell Wood Children’s Hospice and Marcus Rashford’s charity FareShare, to help end child poverty.

The gig means a great deal to Tomlinson, whose first ever tour as a solo artist, to promote his debut solo album WALLS, was cut short back in March after just two concerts in Spain and Mexico. It was an album he’d spent five years working on: a guitar-led project that ruptured with the preppy pop anthems of One Direction, inspired instead by Tomlinson’s love for Britpop.

No doubt he was anxious to get it right following a decade “grown in test tubes”, as Harry Styles once described the band’s formation on the X Factor, where they came third before going on to make a reported $280,000 a day as the most successful band in the world. The pressure, too, was intense: all four bandmates had already released their own solo debuts.

Was he left reeling, I ask, unable to perform at such a crucial moment?

“The thing that I always enjoyed the most about One Direction was playing the shows, so my master plan, when I realised I was going to do a solo career, was always my first tour. It’s something I’ve been looking forward to for the best part of five years now. I got so close, I got a taste for it, and it’s affected me like everyone else, but I’m forever an optimist,” he says down the phone, with what I can only imagine to be a rather phlegmatic shrug.

Sure, I say, but the last year can’t have been easy. Didn’t he feel like his purpose had popped?

“You know what,” he says, reflecting, “maybe because I’ve had real dark moments in my life, they’ve given me scope for optimism. In the grand scheme of things, of what I’ve experienced, these everyday problems...they don’t seem so bad.”

Tomlinson is referring to losing his 43-year-old mother, a midwife, to leukemia in 2016, and his 18-year-old sister Felicite, a model, to an accidental drug overdose in 2018. The double tragedy is something he has been open about on his own terms, dedicating his single, Two of Us, from WALLS, to his mother Johannah, while often checking in with fans who have lost members of their own family.

It’s not unusual for Tomlinson to ask his 34.9 million followers if they’re doing alright, receiving hundreds of thousands of personal replies. It’s not something he will discuss in interviews, however, after he slammed BBC Breakfast for shamelessly probing his trauma in February this year. “Never going back there again,” he tweeted after coming off the show.

“Social media is a ruthless, toxic place, so I don’t like to spend much time there,” says Tomlinson, “but because of experiencing such light and shade all while I was famous, I have a very deep connection with my fans. They’ve always been there for me.”

In return, Tomlinson is good to them. Last month he even promised some new music, saying that he’d written four songs in four days. Does this mean that a second album is on the way?

“Yeah, definitely,” he says. “I’m very, very excited. I had basically penciled down a plan before corona took over our lives. And now it's kind of given me a little bit of time to really get into what I want to say and what I want things to sound like. Because, you know, I was really proud of my first record, but there were moments that I felt were truer to me than others. I think that there were some songs where I took slightly more risk and owned what I love, saying, ‘This is who I want to be’. So I want to take a leaf out of their book.”

Fans might think he’s referring to writing more heartfelt autobiographical content such as Two of Us, but in fact, he’s referring specifically to rock-inspired Kill My Mind, he says, the first song on WALLS. “There’s a certain energy in that song, in its delivery, in its attitude, that I want to recreate. People are struggling at the moment, so I want to create a raucous, exciting atmosphere in my live show, not a somber, thoughtful one.”

He sighs, trying to articulate something that’s clearly been playing on his mind for a while. “You know, because of my story, my album was a little heavy at times and a little somber. And as I'm sure you're aware, from talking to me, now, that isn't who I am.”

It must be draining, I say, the weight of expectation in both the media and across his fanbase, to be a spokesperson for grief and hardship. To have tragedy prelude everything he does and says.

“Honestly, it’s part of being from Doncaster as well, I don’t like people feeling sorry for me. That’s the last thing I want.”

The problem is, says Tomlinson, he doesn’t have the best imagination. “I have interesting things to say musically, but what’s challenging from a writing perspective is that I write from the heart, and I can’t really get into someone else’s story. And right now, being stuck at home, you have so little experience to draw from. It’s actually quite hard to write these positive, uplifting songs, because actually, the experiences that you're going through on a day to day basis, you know, you they don't have that same flavour.”

There is something that’s helping, though: a secret spot near Los Angeles, where he divides his time to see his four-year-old son, Freddie, whom he shares with his ex Briana Jungwirth, a stylist. “It’s remote and kind of weird, and I’m going to go there for three days and write. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to it. I found it via a YouTube video. It’s got some very interesting locals who live there, it’s sort of backwards when it comes to technology. It feels like you’re going back in time when you’re there. But I don’t want to give it away.”

Another source of inspiration for his second album is the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ back catalogue. “I grew up on their album Bytheway. And during lockdown I've been knee deep in their stuff. I’ve watched every documentary, every video. And I find their lead guitarist John Frusciante just fascinating.”

Has he spoken to Frusicante?

“I f______ wish,” snorts Tomlinson.

Surely someone as well-known as Tomlinson could easily get in touch?

“No, honestly, I think he’s too cool for that. He’s not into that kind of thing.”

Tomlinson’s passion for all things rock is also spurring on a side hustle he picked up as a judge on the X Factor in 2018: managing an all-female rock band via his own imprint on Simon Cowell’s Syco label. While the group disbanded before releasing their first single, and Tomlinson split from Syco earlier this year, the singer is keen to nurture some more talent.

“I'm not gonna lie, my process with my imprint through Syco, it became challenging and it became frustrating at times,” Tomlinson says a little wearily. “The kind of artists that I was interested in developing – because I genuinely feel through my experience in One Direction, you know, one of the biggest f______ bands, I feel like I've learned a lot about the industry – they weren’t ready-made. So I had lots of artists that I took through the door that were rough and ready, but major labels want to see something that works straight away. I found that a little bit demotivating. I love her and she's an incredible artist, but not everyone is a Taylor Swift.”

Tomlinson spends much of his free time scouting new talent either on YouTube, Reddit or BBC Introducing – he’s currently a huge fan of indie Brighton band, Fickle Friends. His dream is to manage an all-female band playing instruments. “Because there's no one in that space. And I know eventually if I don't do it, someone else will!”

Before he drives off to rehearsals, we chatter about how much he's been practising his guitar playing, and how he can't wait to take the whole team working at his favourite grassroots venue, The Dome in Doncaster, out ice-skating after he performs there on his rescheduled tour. “Because I've got skills,” he says, and I can hear his chest puff.

And then I ask the question every retired member of One Direction has been batting off ever since they broke up in 2015, after Zayn Malik quit. Rumours that his bandmates saw him as a Judas went wild after some eagle eyes fans noticed they’d unfollowed him on Instagram. Payne, Tomlinson, Horan and Styles have barely mentioned him since. Recently, however, they re-followed him, and Payne has teased that a One Direction reunion is on the cards.

So: might 2021 be the year of resurrection?

“I thought you were going to ask something juicier!” say Tomlinson witheringly. “Look, I f______ love One Direction. I'm sure we're going to come back together one day, and I'll be doing a couple of One Direction songs in my gig. I always do that, so that's not alluding to any reunion or anything. But, I mean, look, I'm sure one day we'll get back together, because, you know, we were f______ great.”

[hlupdate]

While many artists would jump at the chance to tell you how lockdown has been a fruitful opportunity for self-improvement, full of pseudo self-help books and pompous podcasts, former One Directioner Louis Tomlinson is adamant that he has done, well, nothing.

“I’ve just watched loads of s___ TV,” he says after a long pause. “The Undoing is decent, isn’t it?”

Twenty-eight--year-old Tomlinson from Doncaster was always the down-to-earth Directioner, frequently describing himself as fringe member who spent more time analysing the band’s contracts than singing solos, known for chain-smoking his way through several packs of cigarettes a day and swearing like a trooper. A rarity, these days, among millennials who’d rather suck on a stem of kale and tweet about their #blessings.

Far from aimless, however, today the singer is full of beans, cheerily shushing his barking dog as he potters about his North London home where he lives with his best friend from home, Oli, [...].

He's getting ready to rehearse an exciting one-off gig that will be live-streamed from a secret London location on December 12, announced today exclusively via the Telegraph. The proceeds of the night will be split across four charities: The Stagehand Covid-19 Crew Relief Fund and Crew Nation, Bluebell Wood Children’s Hospice and Marcus Rashford’s charity FareShare, to help end child poverty.

The gig means a great deal to Tomlinson, whose first ever tour as a solo artist, to promote his debut solo album WALLS, was cut short back in March after just two concerts in Spain and Mexico. It was an album he’d spent five years working on: a guitar-led project that ruptured with the preppy pop anthems of One Direction, inspired instead by Tomlinson’s love for Britpop.

No doubt he was anxious to get it right following a decade “grown in test tubes”, as Harry Styles once described the band’s formation on the X Factor, where they came third before going on to make a reported $280,000 a day as the most successful band in the world. The pressure, too, was intense: all four bandmates had already released their own solo debuts.

Was he left reeling, I ask, unable to perform at such a crucial moment?

“The thing that I always enjoyed the most about One Direction was playing the shows, so my master plan, when I realised I was going to do a solo career, was always my first tour. It’s something I’ve been looking forward to for the best part of five years now. I got so close, I got a taste for it, and it’s affected me like everyone else, but I’m forever an optimist,” he says down the phone, with what I can only imagine to be a rather phlegmatic shrug.

Sure, I say, but the last year can’t have been easy. Didn’t he feel like his purpose had popped?

“You know what,” he says, reflecting, “maybe because I’ve had real dark moments in my life, they’ve given me scope for optimism. In the grand scheme of things, of what I’ve experienced, these everyday problems...they don’t seem so bad.”

Tomlinson is referring to losing his 43-year-old mother, a midwife, to leukemia in 2016, and his 18-year-old sister Felicite, a model, to an accidental drug overdose in 2018. The double tragedy is something he has been open about on his own terms, dedicating his single, Two of Us, from WALLS, to his mother Johannah, while often checking in with fans who have lost members of their own family.

It’s not unusual for Tomlinson to ask his 34.9 million followers if they’re doing alright, receiving hundreds of thousands of personal replies. It’s not something he will discuss in interviews, however, after he slammed BBC Breakfast for shamelessly probing his trauma in February this year. “Never going back there again,” he tweeted after coming off the show.

“Social media is a ruthless, toxic place, so I don’t like to spend much time there,” says Tomlinson, “but because of experiencing such light and shade all while I was famous, I have a very deep connection with my fans. They’ve always been there for me.”

In return, Tomlinson is good to them. Last month he even promised some new music, saying that he’d written four songs in four days. Does this mean that a second album is on the way?

“Yeah, definitely,” he says. “I’m very, very excited. I had basically penciled down a plan before corona took over our lives. And now it's kind of given me a little bit of time to really get into what I want to say and what I want things to sound like. Because, you know, I was really proud of my first record, but there were moments that I felt were truer to me than others. I think that there were some songs where I took slightly more risk and owned what I love, saying, ‘This is who I want to be’. So I want to take a leaf out of their book.”

Fans might think he’s referring to writing more heartfelt autobiographical content such as Two of Us, but in fact, he’s referring specifically to rock-inspired Kill My Mind, he says, the first song on WALLS. “There’s a certain energy in that song, in its delivery, in its attitude, that I want to recreate. People are struggling at the moment, so I want to create a raucous, exciting atmosphere in my live show, not a somber, thoughtful one.”

He sighs, trying to articulate something that’s clearly been playing on his mind for a while. “You know, because of my story, my album was a little heavy at times and a little somber. And as I'm sure you're aware, from talking to me, now, that isn't who I am.”

It must be draining, I say, the weight of expectation in both the media and across his fanbase, to be a spokesperson for grief and hardship. To have tragedy prelude everything he does and says.

“Honestly, it’s part of being from Doncaster as well, I don’t like people feeling sorry for me. That’s the last thing I want.”

The problem is, says Tomlinson, he doesn’t have the best imagination. “I have interesting things to say musically, but what’s challenging from a writing perspective is that I write from the heart, and I can’t really get into someone else’s story. And right now, being stuck at home, you have so little experience to draw from. It’s actually quite hard to write these positive, uplifting songs, because actually, the experiences that you're going through on a day to day basis, you know, you they don't have that same flavour.”

There is something that’s helping, though: a secret spot near Los Angeles, [...] “It’s remote and kind of weird, and I’m going to go there for three days and write. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to it. I found it via a YouTube video. It’s got some very interesting locals who live there, it’s sort of backwards when it comes to technology. It feels like you’re going back in time when you’re there. But I don’t want to give it away.”

Another source of inspiration for his second album is the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ back catalogue. “I grew up on their album Bytheway. And during lockdown I've been knee deep in their stuff. I’ve watched every documentary, every video. And I find their lead guitarist John Frusciante just fascinating.”

Has he spoken to Frusicante?

“I f______ wish,” snorts Tomlinson.

Surely someone as well-known as Tomlinson could easily get in touch?

“No, honestly, I think he’s too cool for that. He’s not into that kind of thing.”

Tomlinson’s passion for all things rock is also spurring on a side hustle he picked up as a judge on the X Factor in 2018: managing an all-female rock band via his own imprint on Simon Cowell’s Syco label. While the group disbanded before releasing their first single, and Tomlinson split from Syco earlier this year, the singer is keen to nurture some more talent.

“I'm not gonna lie, my process with my imprint through Syco, it became challenging and it became frustrating at times,” Tomlinson says a little wearily. “The kind of artists that I was interested in developing – because I genuinely feel through my experience in One Direction, you know, one of the biggest f______ bands, I feel like I've learned a lot about the industry – they weren’t ready-made. So I had lots of artists that I took through the door that were rough and ready, but major labels want to see something that works straight away. I found that a little bit demotivating. I love her and she's an incredible artist, but not everyone is a Taylor Swift.”

Tomlinson spends much of his free time scouting new talent either on YouTube, Reddit or BBC Introducing – he’s currently a huge fan of indie Brighton band, Fickle Friends. His dream is to manage an all-female band playing instruments. “Because there's no one in that space. And I know eventually if I don't do it, someone else will!”

Before he drives off to rehearsals, we chatter about how much he's been practising his guitar playing, and how he can't wait to take the whole team working at his favourite grassroots venue, The Dome in Doncaster, out ice-skating after he performs there on his rescheduled tour. “Because I've got skills,” he says, and I can hear his chest puff.

And then I ask the question every retired member of One Direction has been batting off ever since they broke up in 2015, after Zayn Malik quit. Rumours that his bandmates saw him as a Judas went wild after some eagle eyes fans noticed they’d unfollowed him on Instagram. Payne, Tomlinson, Horan and Styles have barely mentioned him since. Recently, however, they re-followed him, and Payne has teased that a One Direction reunion is on the cards.

So: might 2021 be the year of resurrection?

“I thought you were going to ask something juicier!” say Tomlinson witheringly. “Look, I f______ love One Direction. I'm sure we're going to come back together one day, and I'll be doing a couple of One Direction songs in my gig. I always do that, so that's not alluding to any reunion or anything. But, I mean, look, I'm sure one day we'll get back together, because, you know, we were f______ great.”