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burnedbyshoto · 5 years ago

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spiral

— Honestly, what could go wrong when you’re lusting over your close friend and you’re locked in a box with only one way to get out? Well, not a lot, honestly.

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pairing: kaibara sen x fem!reader

warnings: smut, 18+, gloryhole, dirty talk, praise, fingering, sexual tension, reader is a pervert, quirk use during sex (spinning cock lol)

word count: 2,695

a/n: this is the second gloryhole fic ive written, but its completely different from the last time because its like not a cult fic LMAO!!! anyways, I think yall basic shouto and bakugou stans could do well to stan this class 1-b man because when I tell you he is another deviation of the two of them personality wise.... I mean it!

day 5 main kink: gloryhole

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If you had known precisely what you had just gotten yourself into right now three hours ago, you would have laughed at yourself. Without a doubt, there was no questioning that the predicament you had concealed yourself in was one that would bring you great shame once this wall was gone, but for now, you would deal with it.

At the bitter age of twenty, having graduated from the hero department over in Shiketsu High, you had been almost shocked when you were reached out upon by the graduating class over at Yuuei, to come and join their agency. You had accepted it with caution, unsure if you could live a life paycheck to paycheck that was as new as they come. But, it was a decision you would come to never regret.

Or at least, not until right now.

You had been on patrol with your coworker turned friend, Kaibara Sen, hero name: Spiral.

His quirk was an interesting one. A quirk that allowed him to gyrate -- spin -- every limb and ligament on his body. It caused some pretty asshole moves in close combat that not only stung with the piercing metal on his gloves but also sent you flying away. Countless amounts of times, you had pinned him only to spun around like a spinning top and slammed back into the practice mats.

You hated it.

Or well, you hated his quirk in a sensical way (note: do not attempt to beat him through a crowd, he always wins). In the nonsensical, coming of age brain of yours that had been for the most part silenced due to Shiketsu’s no-dating-policy, but as you grew fond of your coworker, frequent workout buddy and sparring partner, you couldn’t help but wonder just if… well… if he could spin his cock.

You would be lying if you said you had never imagined what it could feel like. You wondered if his cock was curved, or if it was straight. Would the veins be prominent? Too many times, when watching quirk-plot porn videos, you found your mind lingering onto his ability, which leads you to scream into a pillow, your hormones both skyrocketing and plummeting in your horror.

You weren’t a perv, you like to remind yourself as you changed into your hero costume. It was merely a rational, human thought! Humans were curious beings, after all! Sure, Kaibara was attractive, and his voice was… so low, deep, and raspy that sometimes you would try to – NOPE NOT A PERV!

Blazing hot cheeks drummed in time with your hammering heart as you finished dressing, hoping to get out and clear your mind with helping out the community as a hero! You were a hero!

Not a perv!

Nodding to yourself in the mirror located in your designated locker, you slammed it close and left.

Unfortunately for you, or fortunately, Kaibara was already dressed in his costume and waved at you in greeting as you approached him.

“Afternoon.”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up!” you flustered, your back stiffening as you continued to stomp ahead, readying to leave the stupid agency and get your afternoon rounds done.

You weren’t a pervert!

With three years since graduating from high school, three years of this agency having been founded, and three years of becoming friends with the esteemed and infamous class 1-A and 1-B from Yuuei, you had learned one thing for sure. This group of Yuuei students seemed to attract the worse kind of trouble like a moth to a lamp.

Without a doubt, you knew that was the reason why you had Kaibara somehow ended up in this horrible, ridiculous quirk from a child that just so happened to manifest their quirk out in the open. And of course, it would be the most humiliating shit to ever happen in the entire world of quirk apparitions.

“Uh, the mother said it’s probably the father’s quirk!” came the apologetic, nearing frantic voice of Deku from outside the steel box both you and Kaibara were trapped in.

You couldn’t even see Kaibara’s face, and the perv in you screamed over the lack of even having his body pressed against yours! No! Nothing! As a matter of fact, there was a divider between you and Kaibara, a giant wall with a hole near your crotch area.

“I can’t believe you idiots got yourselves trapped in this!” came the amused, annoyed, and somehow antagonizing voice of Ground Zero.

“Shut up!” you screamed back. “They looked at us, and it happened! It’s not like we touched the kid!”

“Y/h/n,” Kaibara’s voice sighed, and you felt your face ignite at the sighful tone on his raspy, deep voice. You pouted at the slight scold in his manner and felt yourself looking down in shame as he continued. “Don’t argue with Ground Zero. Hey, Deku, how we get out of this?”

The both of you were silent for some time, the outside world quiet as you waited for an answer.

“Oh, um, I don’t think you’re going to like it…” Deku’s voice laughed awkwardly from outside the box, and you frowned.

“Just tell us.”

“I-It’s uh… it’s a quirk called Gloryhole!” Deku squeaked, and just as you knew the successful and well-recognized pro hero outside of this box was undoubtedly red in the face, you felt your already warm face turn into an inferno. “I-I-It’s exactly… ohmygod!”

“The shitnerd is apparently a fucking perv and can’t finish his stupid sentence. Anyways, this quirk only works on shits like you with unresolved sexual tension and only removes after you use it,” Ground Zero’s voice barked from outside the walls.

“KACCHAN!”

“Shut up, Deku!” Ground Zero fired right back, and you could feel your body trembling at the news. Oh no, your perverted mind finally caught up to you in the worst of ways?! Although he did say unresolved sexual tension, that could totally be onesided, right? “We’ll be back in an hour, get it done, or fucking else.”

They left you, and you realized that despite your panicking pitched breathes, there was no noise coming from Kaibara’s side.

Oh no, this was all your fault!

Oh no, oh no, oh no!

“You, uh,” Kaibara spoke softly, and you felt your hands clutch onto the fabric above your breasts. “You have unresolved sexual tension with me?”

“No,” you denied immediately, your forehead crashing against the barrier between you and Kaibara at the blatant, stupid lie. “Yes. Ugh, I do, but that wasn’t something I was planning on telling you!”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s embarrassing? What was I supposed to say when you pin me against mats during sparring sessions? ‘Hey, Kaibara, does your cock also spin? If so, can you fuck me with it?’”

You slap your hand across your mouth, eyes going wide in your panicked embarrassment. That mouth of yours was genuinely going to get your tongue cut off or lips sewn together one day.

It’s silent for a bit, but there’s a sound of clothes ruffling. The rate of your heartbeat seemed to increase exponentially as you saw something shift from the view you had of the Gloryhole. “Well, if you want to find out, I’ll be more than willing to give you a demonstration.”

The pervert you may or not be did not hesitate to respond back.

“Please?”

And you watched as his shadowed figure approached the hole, and a pink-headed cock pushed through the hole into your side. You watched with a gaping jaw at the still-growing cock before you. Without a doubt, it was more than seven inches and was glorious, gravity defyingly curved upwards. It was proud as it was thick, and you watched as the underneath of his cock scraped across the bottom.

A soft grunt strangled in his throat at the cold, rough sensation, and you watched a small, glistening bead of pre-cum appear from the slit on his head. You’re not sure how quickly you dropped to your knees, but you did know that your mouth took him on completely. Within the first drop of your mouth on his cock, you enveloped at least half of his cock in your mouth. A loud bang hit the wall, and you felt a warmth in your chest, knowing that you had already affected him.

Your lips and mouth glided against his length, your tongue pressing and lapping at the underneath of the head of his cock, trying to cock to become as hard as it could be, because it was still growing. A particular needy, near sloppy suck of yours, sent a loud, dizzying guttural noise from Kaibara’s side. A noise that sent liquid heat spilling into your cunt as your hand gripped the base of his cock, bobbing your head slowly, as leisurely as you would allow yourself.

His taste was indescribable, faint yet had you licking his length for more, trying to cover your tongue in his pre-cum.

But the issue with a proud curving upwards cock, was that you found it awkward to choke yourself down his impossibly stubborn curve as he began to thrust his hips to meet your mouth and travel into your throat. Grunt, gasps, and growls seemed to be growing in volume and repetition on his side of the wall as you relaxed your throat, chokes, and gags sounding wet and sloppy on your side.

“Fuck, just like that, wait up,” Kaibara moaned, a thud coming straight above your own head, letting you know that he had pressed his head against the wall. The thumping of his hips on the wall was slowly becoming musical, white noise as you bobbed your head further along his length, throat vibrating with your need to make him feel good. And the weirdest, most surprised splutter came from your throat as his cock spun in direction.

Once curved upwards, making it nearly impossible in the space to take his cock all the way down your throat, was now downcurved. It stretched your jaw out entirely as he didn’t bother to pull away to do it, and your throat stretched out in a way you had never experienced before as you coughed and staggered against his length. But, it was a pain that made your clit throb and allowed his cock to go even further down your throat.

You did what you could only do once your throat stopped hurting, and the sheer pleasure of having your throat stretched out in a more desirably wait set in: you moaned.

It was a long, pitchy noise that you swore you could feel against the steel wall that your free hand supported you against. Your toes curled at the way his intensely thrusting hips faltered for a moment, undoubtedly turned on by your noise if the twitch in his cock said anything about it. You moaned again, and again, and again. You continued to do so against his snapping hips until Kaibara was practically snarling your name with the intention and muttered promises of what he would do to you once the barrier was gone.

Your mind was gone at the point, the promises of fucking you against the window of his apartment that overlooked the Tokyo skyline had you shoving the pants off your hero costume down. Your hand on his cock tightening in its grip, but the one manipulating your pants off, sunk into your cunt, thumb on your clit.

A mewl left your lips as you began to play with your wet heat, and you drove your mouth and head closer to the hole, enthusiastically taking him in further and further.

“Imma fuck you so good when we get fucking out of here,” Kaibara promised, teeth undoubtedly pulled into a snarl, his thrusting in bizarre speeds as you tried to keep some piece of sanity as you continued to finger fuck yourself, all too pleased with him absolutely using your mouth. But, you registered his words just well enough to respond back, choking an agreeing noise as you bobbed your head enthusiastically. “Had I known you just wanted that slutty pussy of yours to be fucked, I would’ve done this with you ages ago. Would’ve pinned you down on that mat, and claimed your cunt as my prize.” Your eyes rolling back in your hormone-induced euphoria, your own dirty fantasies having played that scene in your mind countless times. “I want to hear you choke on my cock more, I want to hear the saliva and drool leaving your mouth. I know you’re fucking your cunt, so do it well enough you’re moaning like a paid prostitute. I promise you, I’ll make sure you never want to see another cock again that isn’t mine!”

A choking, hiccuped, and wet breath expelled from your mouth, and you hadn’t even realized you were crying at the moment. But, you agreed, head bobbing in your agreement.

And so, it continued.

You pushed forward, his length reaching new depths of your throat until you had your nose smashed against the metal, cold wall. Your throat manipulatively squeezing and milking his throbbing cock, tongue, and teeth rubbing against his protruding veins until Kaibara was stuttering out your broken first name.

The wet noises of his saliva drenched cock meeting your drooling throat and mouth grew louder with every slap, and you wanted more. You needed more.

“Fuck, y/n, you take me s-so fucking good. I think you have me entirely in your mouth like the fucking little pervert you are,” Kaibara hotly laughed, a soft thudding from near your chin sending your mind in a feral daze of how it was probably his balls. “Doing so well with my directions, you really do deserve to be fucked properly after this.”

A low, lewd whine strangled from your throat, your hot, swollen lips sucking harshly against the base of his cock as he continues drilling, and the melodic moans from his mouth made it all worth the fact your lips and nose are starting to tingle from the sufficient lack of oxygen. But it’s also your curling, pumping fingers in your cunt that add onto the headrush you get, the slick and essence coating and dripping from your pounding fingers send you into a series of keen and mewls against his cock. And you can perfectly find each sweet little pleasure spot.

You were close, and by the consistent twitching and throbbing of his cock and the thick coating of precum on your tongue, Kaibara was too.

With your impending orgasm, you felt your body begin to tense up, shaking, and moaning with the tipping sensation you loved. And Kaibara, entirely lost in his own passionate, horny endeavors, shook as he slammed into you again, again, and again.

With a fiery determination, your cheeks hollowed out on his length as he pulled out, a resonating “fuck!” screamed from his lips as your tongue swiped at the salty silt on his cock, and it was all over.

You came on your fingers with a loud, pitchy scream, and thick, hot ropes of cum spurted from his cock onto your awaiting mouth, dirtying your face slightly in his heavy ejaculation. Swallowing the cum, a shiver ran down your spine as you quickly cleaned the remaining cum on his cock. Slowly, you removed the fingers in your cunt, and you shuddered at the pulsating heat form your core as you dropped to the floor as his soft cock disappeared from the hole.

Laughing softly, you looked up at the ceiling of the box that was slowly disappearing, allowing fresh air to enter the sex smelling box.

“So, how about dinner?” Kaibara asked, and you chuckled, running a hand through your abused face.

“I don’t think I’m hungry.”

“No?”

“You might’ve proved you can spiral your cock,” you began, turning your head to look at Kaibara, who was collapsed on the floor, barely put together as the two of you locked eyes. “But I still would like to try it out for real while you properly fuck me. After that, if I’m hungry for food, I’d love to go for dinner.”

He laughed, his hand running through his sweaty locks.

“Sounds like a deal to me.”

#kaibara sen x reader #kaibara x reader #kaibara smut #bnha #bnha x reader #mha #bbs kinktober 2020

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vital-information · 4 years ago

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How to Fiction Like a Grown-up

“in SKAM, everyone has a purposefully acknowledged percentage of sheer ignorance, things they understand and things they reeeeally don’t...this is how real life works. nobody is the ideologically flawless character, teaching the ideologically backwards character that they are Wrong About Everything. everyone is pulling everyone up, everyone is making an idiot of themselves, everyone is learning....with SKAM over and over again, communication is highlighted as the best way to solve any issue. it gives a range of issues, yeah, but in the end it teaches HOW to deal with new issues, not simply a list of behaviors not to emulate. it’s never ‘don’t be That Guy,’ it’s ‘everyone can be That Guy sometimes, it’s gonna happen, you’re gonna be ignorant about something, but here is how you overcome and deal with it...’” — uninterestiing

“We can only attribute the ease and pleasure with which we ramble from house to smithy, from cottage parlour to rectory garden, to the fact that George Eliot makes us share their lives, not in a spirit of condescension or of curiosity, but in a spirit of sympathy. She is no satirist. The movement of her mind was too slow and cumbersome to lend itself to comedy. But she gathers in her large grasp a great bunch of the main elements of human nature and groups them loosely together with a tolerant and wholesome understanding which, as one finds upon rereading, has not only kept her figures fresh and free, but has given them an unexpected hold upon our laughter and tears.” — Virginia Woolf, “George Eliot”

“TV’s long taught its audience to expect an outsized amount of drama where there might not be as much in reality, even if only to milk every storyline for what it’s worth. But on Ted Lasso, potential landmines like seething jealousy, secret lust and Rebecca’s scheming only fester for so long before the characters deal with it all like….well, adults.” — Caroline Framke, “For Your Reconsideration: Ted Lasso”

I told Miyazaki I love the "gratuitous motion" in his films; instead of every movement being dictated by the story, sometimes people will just sit for a moment, or they will sigh, or look in a running stream, or do something extra, not to advance the story but only to give the sense of time and place and who they are."We have a word for that in Japanese," he said. "It's called ma. Emptiness. It's there intentionally."Is that like the "pillow words" that separate phrases in Japanese poetry?"I don't think it's like the pillow word." He clapped his hands three or four times. "The time in between my clapping is ma. If you just have non-stop action with no breathing space at all, it's just busyness, But if you take a moment, then the tension building in the film can grow into a wider dimension. If you just have constant tension at 80 degrees all the time you just get numb."Which helps explain why Miyazaki's films are more absorbing and involving than the frantic cheerful action in a lot of American animation. I asked him to explain that a little more."The people who make the movies are scared of silence, so they want to paper and plaster it over," he said. "They're worried that the audience will get bored. They might go up and get some popcorn.But just because it's 80 percent intense all the time doesn't mean the kids are going to bless you with their concentration. What really matters is the underlying emotions--that you never let go of those.What my friends and I have been trying to do since the 1970's is to try and quiet things down a little bit; don't just bombard them with noise and distraction. And to follow the path of children's emotions and feelings as we make a film. If you stay true to joy and astonishment and empathy you don't have to have violence and you don't have to have action. They'll follow you. This is our principle."He has been amused, he said, to see a lot of animation in live-action movies like "Spider-Man." “In a way now, live action is becoming part of that whole soup called animation. Animation has become a word that encompasses so much, and my animation is just a little tiny dot over in the corner. It's plenty for me. — Roger Ebert, “Hayao Miyzaki Interview”

“The pilot’s opening scene foreshadowed the kind of quiet impressionism that Friday Night Lights would embrace, again and again, throughout its five excellent seasons. It also foreshadowed the approach that you might call the “friendly panopticon”: Everyone, here, is seen. And everyone, here, is capable of seeing....There are minor characters and major ones in all this, certainly—it would be narrative anarchy without that—but FNL, much more than most shows that preceded it, took for granted the dignity of each character in its universe. It rejected sitcomic snobbery in favor of a broader embrace of its wide array of characters. It turned empathy into an aesthetic.” — Megan Garber, “Friday Night Lights Democratized TV Drama”

“But the problem with readers, the idea we're given of reading is that the model of a reader is the person watching a film, or watching television. So the greatest principle is, "I should sit here and I should be entertained." And the more classical model, which has been completely taken away, is the idea of a reader as an amateur musician. An amateur musician who sits at the piano, has a piece of music, which is the work, made by somebody they don't know, who they probably couldn't comprehend entirely, and they have to use their skills to play this piece of music. The greater the skill, the greater the gift that you give the artist and that the artist gives you. That's the incredibly unfashionable idea of reading. And yet when you practice reading, and you work at a text, it can only give you what you put into it. It's an old moral, but it's completely true.” Zadie Smith, “Bookworm: On Beauty”

“It pains me to have to introduce this lot with a couple of adjectives apiece, since, again, they all deserve about 12. These beautifully drawn characters just can't be reduced or pigeonholed so glibly. Where you're expecting an exaggerated comedy of town-and-country manners, pitting pious, suspicious in-laws against the worldly, patronising [career woman], Junebug courageously demurs, time and again: we get a real home, and real people in it, and what's laugh-out-loud funny about scene after scene is what's resolutely specific and true.” — Tim Robey, “A Small, Quiet Miracle”

Doesn't she worry at the lack of explosions? [Robinson] laughs. "There's something in my temperament . . . I have a problem with explosions in the sense that many very fine books are written about things that do, in fact, explode. But if the explosion is something that's supposed to make the novel interesting as opposed to being something that it's essentially about, I think it's very much to be avoided...It seems to me that the small drama of conversation and thought and reflection, that is so much more individual, so much less clichéd than - I mean when people set out on an adventure, I think 90 times out of 100, they've read about it in a brochure — Emma Brackes, “A Life in Writing: Marilynne Robinson”

#skam #hayao miyazaki #virginia woolf #george eliot #FNL #roger ebert #marilynne robinson #junebug #ted lasso #writing #litblr #film criticism #empathy

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l0chn3ss · 5 years ago

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l0chn3ss update

I feel like the last time I ever really active on tumblr was in the year 2016, so i want to address my absence between 2017-2020. Part of it is because I feel like I owe it to my friends and mutuals who I just basically left on read and another part is because I’ve always treated this blog as a personal blog that documents my life and my growth. I put off writing this for a long time but now that I have a huge paper due, now is definitely the time.

You are welcome to skip but I will address a few hard hitting questions I feel should be answered, especially since I feel like I departed like an anti-hero of a bad tv show.

Where I am currently: I am in grad school to obtain a master’s in library and information science. I have a full time job at different middle school libraries, though I work from home now. I also tutor kids on the side to pay for my tuition because I basically make minimum wage. Quarantine messed with my head at first, but now I’m feeling much better and I’m trying to reconnect with friends and close a lot of loose ends.

TLDR: I took an extended break because tumblr mobile sucks and my laptop needed serious repairs. I made a huge migration away from social media in 2018. I prioritized my education and in-person connections, which fell to shit because of my fandom involvement in the past. I did not like the direction of the main fandom I participated in and knew that many of the people I once respected did not respect me in return/ Us versus them mentality. I recognized that I treated my life on tumblr too seriously and took petty drama personally. I am sporadically on tumblr now because I genuinely enjoy the social connection and because I still like running fandom events.

Yes, you can reblog this. I’d love for this narrative to be heard.

Long version: To preface this, this post is being written to give myself closure and because I really am procrastinating on my final big paper of this semester. I’ll be tackling on the points in the tldr in a longer narrative that will appear to be in an expository fashion, which I recognize will be a source of contention, but my intentions are to throw it onto the table so that I can be freed. I can let it go and move on. I’m no longer a 20 years old who cared too much of what other people think and will think; I think differing perspectives are important and I want to give myself a chance to say my piece. That and I recognize that I lost the audience that I once had, so I doubt this will be an issue at all. It’s been 4 or what ever years, let’s just not.

Back in 2015-2016 there was a huge back and forth between three groups of people in the SE fandom. The reason why I’m not listing out the name is because I don’t want this to show up in the tags. I’d say that the three groups could be seen as quite literally the soma shippers (mostly white, demi sexual girls), lgbt centric bloggers (very kid or star oriented, very fed up with soma), and the people who were deemed as alright to soma shippers (c r ona, ste inm arie, jac k im centric people). There was a constant (and understandable) tension between the first two groups while the third was like the weird cousin that everyone in the social circles liked because they sprinkled in soma for the masses. Don’t argue with me on this-- this was literally how the fandom was in 2015 and you know it.

The main issue was that one group felt that they were being inclusive towards identities and sexualities while the other felt that they were not. I remember that one of the arguments was that soma WAS an LGBT ship because people headcanonned the members to be demisexual. However, the other side of the argument was that it wasn’t good representation of a gay pairing. Now that we can look back at this 5 years later, I have two things to say: 1, I now very much understand why the argument broke out because of how heated the topic is, and I do believe that I lean more towards the “other side” now that I’m not wearing rose tinted glasses, but 2, I need to make it clear that demi people are lgbt, but a headcanon is not fact and ship diversity was the main question at hand, not the ship itself. This argument lasted for weeks, destroyed my friendships, and no matter what I felt I did in the moment (which was to mend the fandom), it was taken as an insult.

(Side note: Somethings that I remember was being in someone’s DM’s to encourage them to participate in the large fandom events more, but once they twisted my intentions and rallied their friends, I became their enemy. I also became the mods’ enemy but then again, when was I not? I was made fun of for saying “queergender,” a term that is now currently being widely used, quite openly by someone I wanted desperately to be friends with. I was outwardly mocked by popular users who only apologized behind closed doors but didn’t bother to clear things up with their followers. Adults who were in their 30s quite literally attacked a 19 year old. It was in that moment that I realized I would never become friends with either side, and not because I didn’t want to.)

I bring this up because as I begun to stop writing soma fics, I also begun to see and understand why people moved away from it. It wasn’t the ship itself, it was the culture surrounding it. However, on tumblr we have the ability to connect intensely with the content we produce. Therefore, the ship itself began to be connected with the shippers and their attitudes towards outside pairings-- that attitude being tied into elitism.

I say this with every ounce of love I can because I once had the exact same mannerism. When you become so tied into one pairing to the point where other ships appear to threaten the existence of it and you react negatively towards it, you become rancid. The popular tag “everything is soma” takes a very dark turn. Even if readers consume another pairing’s work, they will be obliged to say “I ship soma more BUT that was cute.” They will read an entirely different topic and wonder why soma wasn’t inserted into it in the background. They will reject pairings that separate the two as if breaking them up is sin and an insult.

The only reason why I stopped writing my soma fics in 2016 was because I saw a real need to fill in the gaps of other pairings. I took what people were saying to heart and I wanted to change my ways and my perceptions. I saw the animosity of the ship culture and rejected it. I wanted to use what little influence I had to make the fandom just a bit more accepting. In 2016, I don’t think the fandom was ready for it. In 2017, they still weren’t ready for it. In 2020, I see hope, but I wonder sometimes if it’s masqueraded pity because of previous treatment.

In the middle of it all, I went from being the soma angst master to becoming the weird person everyone once knew. I was the friend that people excluded from group chats and I just “wasn’t the same.” Cliques grew extremely large in power in 2017 and exclusion hurt like a bitch.

The straw that broke the camel’s back and completely shut me down was in 2017 when I was graduating as a bachelor. There was a fandom event that I decided to go all in to. For context, there used to be a huge debate on how many times a person should enter in an event, but in my mind, the more exposure the better. My graduation and the event took place at the exact same time, which was cool, but what hurt me was what happened after.

I was lucky enough to be accepted into field school (when you travel to do outdoor excavating) for my major. I’m an anthropologist-- it was an honor. I didn’t plan in advance for it, and if anything, I thought that I would be committed completely to the events and my 5 or what ever entries at the time. I’ve always prided myself in communicating with others, so I made sure to let my partners in the event know what was going on. I was so excited to be going on my first ever excavation and no one at the time said anything otherwise, in fact, they all seemed incredibly supportive.

What I didn’t know was that I would be called out by name in the event feedback response by one person who felt that I didn’t take the event seriously enough and that I should’ve prioritized my time accordingly. Two of the mods let me know because it referred to me directly, though the name of the submitter was not included. It was not only a slap in the face, but a dumbfound moment that reminded me that wow, fandom content really is someone’s life out there. My enforced silence because of lack of internet in the woods actually upset someone and made them believe that I wronged them, because I put my real life ambitions first before a fandom event.

It was then when I woke up and I remember very clearly thinking to myself: I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to treat my fandom life seriously. I want to participate in fandom for fun, not out of duty. I don’t want to prioritize this life because in the end, if I am hated for putting my work and education first, then I don’t want it.

(For context, I suspect that it was the same person who made a 200 note call out on me during the fandom tension. I respected this person immensely, but I also treated them like the flawed person I believe everyone is. I’m sure because of this, I’m pretty much trash in their eyes, which is totally fine. They have really cute cats so they can’t be all too bad. Don’t look into it too deeply.)

Once my month long field school was up, I was already used to not being on the internet or any of my social media accounts. I didn’t play my mobile games for a month. I didn’t read the news for a month. It was like going cold turkey on the internet, which reshaped my habits entirely. The only time that I had online within that time span was during the weekend, but I spent my time working on my projects and catching up with friends instead of being on apps.

I was also completely fed up with tumblr’s mobile app at the time, so one by one, I deleted my apps. Good bye to tumblr, snapchat, what little I used of instagram, twitter, everything. The only thing I kept was facebook, which was because it is the main platform that I use to message my boyfriend. That meant that any friends I retained from the fandom (who I still contact now) were also friends who had the chance to add me on facebook.

This was the cause of my 2 or 3 year hiatus on tumblr, and therefore the fandom. I occasionally checked back every 6 months to do a few fandom events, but I have several unopened messages and notifications that I haven’t been able to get to. I open my instagram for a few days once a year, and I only go onto twitter if my friends tell me (through facebook) that they dm’d me a post there.

When I left my online persona behind, I quickly strengthened my in person connections. New drama that erupted every other day became replaced with starbucks and boba runs. Reality TV shows replaced fanfiction. Text messages replaced the tumblr activity feed (which still doesn’t work on mobile BTW). I study at cafes unironically with friends instead of typing alone in my room. Overall, it opened my world considerably.

I still like making fun of myself and I try not to take myself seriously. I still make self depreciative memes to send to friends but then double up with kermit heart pics. I’m still a plot bunny, I still write my fics, I still watch my anime, I still play video games, I still sleep at 4am, I still take my depression medication, I still love potatoes, I still use my voice for people who can’t find theirs yet. But I think I’m in a much healthier mindset now, even if I still make stupid shifty posts calling out bad behavior.

Nowadays, I’m working on my Master’s degree in secret. My parents don’t know about it because my mom doesn’t like that I want to go out and do unladylike things like getting an education. I tutor kiddos and I’m really good with younger children, but I’m not going to do anything with kids because I just don’t want to. Instead, I want to work at an archive or a museum to bring my library interests and my anthropology background together. If I had my dream job, I would be a marine archaeologist; however I love my boyfriend of 8 years whom you probably all remember and I really came to terms with my grandeur dreams. I’m extremely happy with living in a small town with loved ones now, and I don’t need to move somewhere far away from my parents to be content. It’s a huge realization.

From 2018 to 2020 I got into actual drama in person while I was job hunting. Adult people suck and honestly it’s kind of embarrassing how ill equipped some people are. Even so, I currently work in middle schools as a media assistant. One of those realms is the library, and honestly it’s like fulfilling a prophecy. As much as I love the social aspect, public schools are an absolute train wreck.

I’m going to wrap this up now. This post is meant to help me close the past and move forward because the fandom culture feels different now. Things from several years ago don’t need to resurface. I want to enjoy my life fully, and fandom life is one of those aspects that I truly did enjoy. I’m going to keep using my voice and act like a fool, but I’m also not going to be losing sleep because of this. People are going to talk about you no matter what, whether positively or negatively, and it’s important to not take it personally.

Idk, go enjoy yourselves. Do things for yourself. It’s more fun that way.

#nessingaround #this was cathartic #huge thank you to my friends who stuck by me and to my friends who welcome me back with open arms #big shout out to my disney girl gang and another big shout out to 'ma girls'#another thank you to my sweethearts on google hang out #and thank you especially to the group of se lgbt users from 2016 who truly did open my eyes to the severity of the fandoms actions #even tho u still hate me and have me blocked hahaha i consider this growth

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spookytomatoetuesday · 4 years ago

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Project Wolf´s Cove

One – Tumbling towards catastrophe

The road ahead was winding, following a cliff´s edge. It was summer and therefore a bright day even though it was still early in the morning. It was definitely summer and the radio kept reminding its listeners of that fact. For the moment, however, the summer hits where too distracting. Becky turned the car radio off. She then returned to the conversation she had with her friend Rose who was sitting in the passenger seat. “The film wasn´t a period piece.”, Becky insisted. “It was set in a period in the past.”, Rose gave back. “No! The film is not on the nose about it, but it was set in the future. The future from when it was produced anyway.” Rose frowned at this just to reiterate: “Yes, and this means that it was still set ten years ago. That is the past. I cannot remember ten years ago, not with a living memory. It might as well be a chapter in a history book. Plus that it is a time ten years ago as imagined by people living 40 years ago. So this is like a page in a fictional history book from a freak dimension.” Becky laughed. She gave in: “Okay.” “Well, that is not my point anyway.”, Rose continued in a mockingly serious voice. “The man issue I wanted to raise was that the protagonist was absolutely alien to me. Not because he lived in a different time, mind you. I had issues with him because of how he acted.” “You mean how he dealt with a world full of isolated people and ravaged by a virus?”, Becky injected. “Yes! The illness is obviously transmitted from person to person. So you keep away from the next best person. Problem solved. The so-called protagonist, on the other hand, did it all wrong, sacrificing not only his life but also the one of his gal-pal.” “She was severely underdeveloped as a character. That was more scary then their fate actually.”, Becky observed. “True. There was just one reason the dude did dude around with her, mouthing about and ruining it all.”, Rose summarized. “Even if he made decisions for others that were not his to make, I think his motivations where understandable. You can’t be alone for all eternity.”, said Becky, while she turned on to the parking lot of Wolf´s Cove High School. “There needs to be a sense of community. If you can’t interact with the ones you actually spent time with, how do you know that you even exist and that you are not just an idea of a person that might be easily forgotten? Apart from that, loneliness hurts if it is not voluntary.” “Okay, fair. You raise some good points as well. I see a use for people in the plural there.”, Rose conceded. “Still, there is a danger to closeness that is not always only down to emotions.” She was quiet for a moment while she and Becky got out of the car, took their backpacks, and went towards the school entrance. “The thing is…”, Rose continued right before they climbed the four steps to the grand double doors. “You get only to take a limited number of breaths on this crummy planet. So you might as well be selective as to who you spent them with.” Becky smiled at her friend. “I thought I was.”

Biking to school always seemed like a good idea when the weather was clear and bright. That was until the last part of the road served as stark reminder that it was more sweaty than fun to bike upwards the serpentines leading to the cliff top where the school was located. John remembered that now. “This was not a good idea.”, John managed to say while slowing down despite putting all the more effort into cycling. His legs started to hurt. Neil nodded: “Fnaf.” “What?” “Fair enough.”, Neil pressed out. “Should it not be fen then?”, John wondered and had to slow down to do so. Neil shrugged and both continued their track up towards the high school in silence. Finally they made it to the big main parking lot and chained their bikes to a lantern there. They noticed Becky’s car as the only one parked here at this early hour. “Oh boy, if I’d known Becky would be here this early as well, I’d have asked her if she could pick us up on her way. Maybe next time. She’d surely do it.”, said Neil shaking his head. John just grunted and then decided to say defensively: “I do not think she is here that early regularly. No one but you is.” “And you, fellow friend and confidant. However, someone has to man the commissary and make sure that it is open when all the breakfast-skipping students arrive hungry from the long way up.”, said Neil. The two made their way to the side entrance of the main building. “I am not a fan of that name. When you say it, I can almost hear boots and trumpets.”, John commented. “The food stall then. After we’ve got rid of the old and truly awful name, we have no official title for it. I’ll still call it commissary on my CV. Universities and prospective employers like that kind of entrepreneurship and lexical knowledge. You should get an activity like this too. They expect this.” “I thought it is the point to stick out, to be so unique that others are interested in you. How does doing what everybody does the same, because that is what everybody has to do, help there?”, John asked while Neil unlocked the foods stand and went into the back where the wares were stored. Neil pointed at some packages of soft drinks. “Need to unpack those and put them into the fridge first.” While they both got to it, Neil added: “So we both understand the system. There is what they say and there is what they want. Still, I think my way to deal with that could pay off in the end. Maybe even more so than yours.” John nodded when Neil reached out for another soda can. They finished the work in silence. Afterwards, Neil put on his work apron and took up his place behind the counter. Above him on the wall painted in a fresh white there was the faint shadow of a mascot which had fallen out of time. In front of him, there was the tip jar while the cassette with the change was hidden under the counter. Neil seemed a little tired but content. John waved to him. “I will try to get some more sleep in on one of the lounge sofas before class. See you later.”, John said. “See you.” The most comfortable couches stood in the lounge of the Science Building that was still missing an S. So John went directly there after leaving the food stall. Once in the lounge, he noticed a movement coming from the astronomy room. Through the large windows in the double door he could see Becky and Rose working on something inside. He hesitated. Beyond the doors was the opportunity for a nice conversation with his friends. He should say hello. He was sure that would be nice. Still, he hesitated. For no reason and yet he still did not jump at this possibility. On the contrary, he had to push himself even though it was a push towards people he liked. For a moment, he shifted his weight from one foot to the other and back again. This was a warm-up and a collecting of resources. Then he knocked on the window in the door. They noticed him and he had to go inside now. “Good morning.”, John greeted. Becky answered with a “Hello, how are you?”, while Rose waved and nodded. “What are you doing?”, John asked to avoid an awkward break. Becky was still looking at him. “We got permission to use the school´s telescope to track the asteroid tonight.”, Becky explained. “It has a projector and with this camera here, we will be able to record the passage of our little friend while it passes through the night sky. We just set it up now before class.” “Interesting.” John strolled closer to the telescope while being careful not to touch anything. “Yeah.”, Rose added, “I hope the asteroid breaks open and reveals a truth about the nature of nature that is so unexpected, belittling, and unsettling, that it drops us into sheer horror.” John looked at her decisively unsurprised. “Or maybe it is just a cool image of an asteroid. Astronomy rocks and space is great.”, Rose more pretended to emote than said. But then she paused and added sincerely: “There is beauty among the stars.” “With some luck…,”, Becky added, completely serious, while finishing up with some adjustments, “We will get another glimpse at the vastness that surrounds us. How could not look at the sky with curiosity.” “Tonight you say?”, John inquired. “Yes.”, Becky answered. “Around midnight, it should be dark enough and we should be able to see it even with the naked eye.” “Will you be here and watch it?” “No.”, Rose said, stretching the o maybe a bit more than it was called for. “They do not want us here at night. So we have to set this up and hope for a great recording.” “Well… hope it works out.” John smiled at Becky and nodded at Rose. Then he excused himself and headed for the couches. He did not want to sleep just outside the astronomy room. So he went to the relatively lumpy couches in the Art building, named after local celebrity Burton Art. Becky and Rose continued to set up the telescope until the doors closed behind John. Rose peeked over the telescope and through the windows in the doors. When she saw that John was beyond earshot, she nodded as if she was part of a secret ring of spies. “Nice nice.”, Becky uttered in lieu of anything more substantial to say and tried to look even more busy. “Yeah. Nice how nice you two still are with another.”, Rose probed. “Almost as if it did not hurt.” “Hm…”, Becky answered. “It still does hurt a little. But it just was not… Well, it does still hurt. There´s a scar now on the heart. Maybe it´s healing, sometimes it feels like that. So it won´t hurt in the future or only when the weather is about to change. In any case, I feel that it´ll stay in some form.” “Sounds at least like it was real.”, Rose concluded and duck back down behind the telescope. The day that had begun so early dragged on in the middle. Biology class was turned into self-study by the absence of the regular teacher and the lack of a qualified substitute. John flipped through the textbook with his right, while his head rested on his left. There were not going to be any more test or quizzes or projects this year. Knowing that, John did not pay much attention to the contents of the pages and let his thoughts wander. “Do you think you would notice it as different when you were a duck?”, he quietly asked Neil who sat next to him. “Up until now I thought this self-study was even less useful than sex ed last week.”, Neil moaned loudly instead of giving an answer. Nearby, sitting at a bench next to Becky, Rose snickered. Some other students laughed, most were indifferent and bored. The moment passed. “Like, if you woke up tomorrow and were a duck. Would you remember how it was to be a person? Would you want to remember?”, John continued. “All I can say to this is: I hope not – on the duck thing. My uncle hunts those. This would make for super awkward Thanksgivings.” Meanwhile Becky read the newspaper, searching out the reports on the asteroid. “You cannot pretend to do biology while actually doing some work on another science.”, Rose insisted as she noticed. “That is like cheating. A weird way of cheating, but still… You should at least cheat on biology with social studies, or history. English or a foreign language would work as well, I guess.” “What are you doing?”, Becky asked back, looked up from the paper and at her friend. Rose pointed to her sketch pad. “Take it in. These are the initial drawings of the cycle of Solomar. You see them here as first mortal before they conquer the world by storm.”, Rose exclaimed. “Looks great.”, Becky said, studying the drawings. “I like this lone heroine. Looks a bit like a barbarian, like as if she was about wrestle with a dragon.” “How do you know that she is a lone heroine?”, Rose asked. “She’s one of yours.”, Becky said. At some point, the time for self-study officially ended. The students packed their things quickly into their bags and were in the midst of storming out. Neil strolled over to Rose and Becky, braving the current of leaving classmates. “Rose, you have a minute? There is something we should talk about. Something important.”, Neil announced. “Important like art, or just like life and death?”, Rose inquired while stuffing her textbook in her backpack. “Or like love?”, Becky added with a side-glance at Rose. Neil hesitated, clearly thinking about a reply. “Super important. This is about the social studies project we did together.”, he explained. “The one we handed in and got a grade? I thought the circle was completed, the fate sealed.”, Rose answered. She then waved Becky a short goodbye as Becky was leaving for English less prepared than she could have been. “Yeah, let´s see about that. I don´t think that it should be sealed. We should talk to Ms. French about the grade. -See you Becky.- Fran agrees with me on that. Let´s meet her now and go to Ms. French.” “Ok. But afterwards it is lunch time. Actually, I think it is lunch time now – but if you insist, I will postpone my meal. I hope you will use this chunk of my life time gifted to you to a proper end.”, Rose stated and grabbed her bag. “Of course. Have I ever wasted my or anybody else’s time?”, Neil replied. Both they then left the classroom and made her way to the Art building and Ms. French´s office. The cafeteria was emptier than usual. Rose and Neil had no problems finding an empty table. “Told you that it would go well. We just had to highlight the amount of work that had gone into the project.”, Neil repeated. “Hm.”, Rose replied and then decided to dig into the pasta instead of expanding on that. “I mean, your contribution was obvious. The illustrations were both bloody and really good. They might have distracted Ms. French a bit. It was her fault, though, as she gave us this particular topic. Thanks for showing up with Fran and me anyway. Now we can be satisfied with the grades.”, Neil said, a fork with food hovering close to his mouth. Rose nodded. “It was a fun project. We should hang out more often. Like we used to in the golden days of our youth. Like, like we used to up until a few weeks ago.”, she added. “Yeah.”, he put down the fork again. “Only… weird without the other two and weird with them now. That was easier before.” “True.” She eyed a suspicious lump in the red sauce. “There is one group-thingy I like and now it is that… weird. I wonder if they thought about what they are doing to us when they… did what they did. Now we are like a family, divorce and all.” “Hah, true.”, Neil exclaimed and then finally took a bite. “Maye we can educate the others and reduce the awkwardness.” “There’s only so much time before everybody moves away for college next year.”, Neil said in a low voice, leaving it open if this was unclear if this was an argument for or against. “Oh.”, Rose grunted. “Maybe we should not have sought to improve our grades then. And we should find a way to drag the ones of the others down. Then we can repeat a year or two or more. Stupid maybe, but happy.” “Yeah… no. Not sure if this would even work.” Neil decided it was time to go over to the dessert. “So this remains an issue for future me an you. It is also for future Becky and John, of course.”, Rose suggested. She discovered that the lump was just an oddly shaped noodle and ate without concern. “Future me and future you, future us, and them too.”, Neil repeated. Both he and Rose lifted their heads, smiled, and listened in anticipation. Instead of music, Becky arrived with a food trey and sat down next to Rose. “Hi. How are you two?”, Becky asked. “We are doomed due to our feelings and the feelings of others.”, Rose declared. “Of course we are. But who are the others this time?”, Becky wondered. Rose sighed theatrically and Neil smirked before shaking his head. After lunch, Rose and Becky had some time before the next class that was not already assigned to any task or activity and went outside. Rose walked directly to one of the battered blue payphones and punched in a number. “Hello, I would like to talk to the Ericsons, please. Yes, whoever of them is available right now… I am their daughter. The other one. Yes… thank you Mr. nurse.” While Rose talked to the bodiless voice in a strange city, Becky settled in the corner made by the phone and the concrete wall of the main building. There was a pause as Rose waited for her parents. Becky imagined how now their names would be called out over PA, how one of them would move through the hallways of the hospital, looking for the next available phone. While she imagined this, Becky looked across the school parking lot and then beyond its chain-link fence at the town across the small straight. It was nestled on that small ragged island with curved bays and towering cliffs with sharp edges. It was a rugged place between the ocean and the mainland. It was as if the town was clinging to a rock among the waves. There were a lot of houses with great views as they were built close to the cliffs. Even greater must have been the view for the cedars. The trees filled still the spaces people had left for them. Some crept very close to the edges and others even hang out a bit over the ocean, just barely hanging on to the rock. And yet they did. They even managed to reach out to the sky. Some storms were strong enough to break them and take them away. But a number of them was still left. Becky had some favourites among these cedars. Old and brave ones she always sought out when she had a minute to look out over her home town. Faster than expected, Rose was connected. She exchanged individual words with one of her parents. By the sound of this, it was her mother. No, Becky decided after three more words, probably it was her dad. “Well but that is good… like, given the situation. Hugh her from me… if, if this is possible. …Yeah. Bye.” Rose hung up. “Well that was… yeah, good. At least she is fine. For the moment at least she is fine. That is a win.” Becky turned towards her friend and nodded, then laid an arm around her shoulders. “Yes it is, Rose. I´m glad she’s doing ok.” John stood, his bike and himself ready to leave, already on the parking lot, a few steps away from the main building. Neil, on the other hand, still fiddled with his padlock, aiming to free his bike, but as of yet unable to make that plan a reality. Then he stopped suddenly in mid-fiddling. “Shit… should take a look and check if Pete has locked the commissary. I guess I should.” Neil wavered a bit. “Yes, should do that.” He let the padlock be for the moment and sprinted back to the main entrance. “Maybe go ahead without me. We can meet at my place. One of my parents is probably home. They´ll let you in. And if it´s my dad, you might get some chocolate milk while you wait.”, Neil said to John over his shoulder. “No. It´s ok.”, replied John. “I´ll wait. Let´s go together.” Neil gesticulated vaguely but then nodded. When he passed the doors and went into the main building, he passed Rose, and both gave each other high fives in passing. Rose then made her way to John. She stopped beside him on the parking lot under the warm sun. “All done for the day?”, Rose inquired. “Yes, all done.”, he reported. “Not just for today even. There is nothing going on tomorrow, right? Besides getting on the bus, I mean.” “True. So you are good and settled for the whole year then. Great!” “You?” “I am done as well. Done and done. Except for the asteroid business, but this is more of an extra credit and in any case something I do more to give a hand to Becky.”, Rose replied. “Look at us. We got all taken care of. So if we were to die now, we leave nothing behind that can further bind us as wraiths to this plane of existence.” “Lucky us.”, John smiled. “Could be an interesting experience to be a wraith, though.” “Nah.” Rose shook her head. “Probably not. Besides, that is something that you can try in the far-away future after dying of old age.” She mustered him. “How is our story going?” “It is going well… I hope. Maybe a few more weeks of work and then it is ready to be rejected like the other ones.” Rose nodded gravely before cocking her head and smiling a bit mischievously. “Well if this is not something to live for.” She was about to add something, but in this moment, Becky drove towards the two. She stopped the car and let the passenger side door swing open for Rose to get in. “Have a good one.”, John said. “See you.”, Rose gave back. “And remember: Always create something that, if aliens from the future would find it as only surviving artefact of our civilization would understand us at least a bit. Picture mankind naked and write about it.” “Will do.”, John said and laughed. Then he and Becky exchanged a smile and a wave, before the girls got into the truck and drove off. John was not alone for long, though. Neil returned right afterwards. “Oh, should have asked her to give us a lift.”, Neil exclaimed. “She’d have done it.” “Of course Becky would have done it.”, John said flatly. “Her pickup even has space for bikes in the back. That would have been great.” “We are not really going in their direction.”, John replied. Neil just shrugged and then went to unlock and unchain his bike. “Could transport at least one caged dinosaur on that truck. God, how I miss that old rusty lady.”, Neil exclaimed. After a brief pause, he added: “I mean the truck. With old lady, I mean the vehicle.” He then finally was able to open his rusty lock and free his bike. He went over to John and both took to their saddles and started to bike down to town. “Think Becky is going to sell her car when she moves for college?”, Neil wondered aloud and very eager to move the conversation forward. “Ask her. But do not take it for free.” As everything failed, there was nothing left but drifting into the cold darkness. All that while the mind raced and tried to imagine the end. A whole world was about to lose itself in the eternal night. The end and the way there would be lonely. Soon it would end, but the time until then was still long. Too long not to fear madness before the darkness. But then there was a little blue spot shining in all the darkness. Maybe this one was hospitable enough, close enough to save a life.

#horror #spooky #monster #fiction #writing #story

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curestardust · 6 years ago

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if you want: something like Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei or Monogatari just more lighthearted / quirky fucking characters and story / randomness galore

If I say the words “Studio Shaft, quirky and Hiroshi Kamiya’ what anime pops into your head?

For most it’d be the Monogatari franchise. For some it would be Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei. And for a select few it’d be Arakawa.

Due to how much these 3 have in common, it’s almost impossible to not compare them, even subconsciously.

Our story begins with Ichinomiya Kou, the son of an incredibly successful bussiness man. He has been brought up all his life with the idea that he must not be indebted to others in any way, ever. Well, he runs into a problem when he is stuck on a bridge in his underwear as he is trying to climb a pillar to reach his pants. A mysterious girl fishing there watches on in silence after he turns her help down. Suddenly, the pillar breaks and he almost drowns in the river but gets saved by the mysterious girl. Kou suddenly finds his entire life being indebted to this girl and desperately tries to compensate her but she only asks for one thing: for him to be his lover.

The Arakawa riverband is actually the home to a bunch of fucking weirdos as Kou later finds out. The girl who saved her, Nino, keeps saying the she is a Venusian. Then we have a guy in a Kappa suit pop up who is the “village chief” and keeps insisting that he most definitely is NOT a man in a kappa suit. He gives our main character a new name that he will use in his new home: Recruit.

We also have a buff former military man dressed in a nun suit who’s called Sister and a musician in a star mask called Hoshi and a few more.

So, this is where the comparison being a problem comes up. The weird characters, nonsensical story, the colour scheme, the quick cuts, reactions and overall presentation just makes you think of the other 2 works I listed above (if you’ve seen them, obviously). And that’s a problem cause Arakawa feels like a lesser product of those 2.

First the presentation. This whole anime being played out in the same location feels restricting. Even though we have random buildings, the majority of the time we’re outside where the dominating colours are blue (river and the sky) and green (grass). I found it all a bit boring after a while. The quick cuts and seperate shots were also lackluster. Especially in Monogatari, these work to compensate for the long dialouges, keeping the eyes occupied while listening to characters talk. Here, these seperate shots aren’t drawn that well and they often use muted, pastel or just 1-2 colours for them.

There isn’t a story here, like, at all. There’s some bigger overarching plot in the second half but it gets resolved pretty fast. Arakawa mostly has short stories that are based on the randomness of the characters and whatever they get up to. So then, what this show needs is great characters. Well…

The cast is silly. As weird as you would expect. However, randomness is only funny if we know why it’s random aka we need to be aware of what is considered “common sense” in the world to really understand how weird the actions of the characters are. Our “common sense meter” would’ve been Kou/Rec, however in just a few episodes he becomes part of the weird community and finds less and less stuff weird. He still can’t get over certain people and whatever they do but he reacts less to them. This is basically an inbetween of Nozomu-sensei and Koyomi. Koyomi is almost completely seperated from the events while Nozomu-sensei is basically the weirdest out of the bunch. Kou is part of the weird gang himself yet still feels distant from them, making it hard to relate to him but not making him as funny and quirky as the others around him. Still, seeing Kou’s life philosophy completely get flipped on its head is fun to watch.

This review has really gotten away from me, I don’t even remember what point I wanted to make. So to wrap up: if you really want something in the vein of Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei and Monogatari but would be fine with a more lighthearted approach, you can give Arakawa a try. If you haven’t seen either series but would like to see something non-conventional and quirky, I’d also recommend this. [7/10] (x)

Recommend: HELL Yeah! | Yes | Eh??? | Nope | This anime killed my parents

if you want: cute girls being friends and spies / SPIES / about 3 plot twists / nice fight animation

While scouring the offering of the last Fall Season’s, my eyes immediately drew to this anime. Of course, I’d have watched it just for the fact that I saw a bunch of girls being badass but even more, the whole concept (and even the artstyle) reminded me of Princess Principal (x) which was one of the most surprisingly great anime I’ve seen so I was hoping for something similiar with Release the Spyce.

The plot isn’t anything special. Our introduction starts with Momo, who gets befriended by some girls at her new school. She is later told that these 5 girls are part of a secret spy organization, Tsukikage, who defend the city from the shadows. The Tsukikage are all young girls, as they use special spices that enchance their ability to fight and the effectiveness of the spice lessens, the older one gets. Tsukikage has been fighitng against an evil organization called Moryo for a long time.

As you can see, the story itself is pretty generic so the anime has to rely on other offerings to keep people’s attention.

First would be the characters, more or less. The cast has a varied set of personalities and chemistry between them. Due to the fact that 3 of the girls (including Momo) are apprentices to 3 of the older members, who are their mentors, we mostly see interactions with those 3 pairs. However, even with that I felt that there was some untapped potential with the girls and their unique relationships. Don’t get me wrong, everyone gets some background story and a decent amount of time establishing their characters but there still something missing. As I wreck my brain though, with everything that happens, the only thing that could’ve fixed this issue would’ve been more episodes. For its runtime of 12 episodes, the anime does as much as it can.

The second thing that can draw you in, is the missions and the animation of the fights. The shorter “mini missions” didn’t do much for me, but the ones that spanned across 1 or 2 whole episodes were really interesting to watch. The animation, while lacking in some departments, mostly shined in the fight scenes. Really, there isn’t much else to say about this one. If you want some engaging spy missions with nice animation, here you go!

Release the Spyce is very tame, everything considering, up until episode 10. That’s when shit goes DOWN and we get like 3 plot twists on top of each other and whew...I really liked it! I would’ve wished that the atmosphere we get at the very end would’ve been present at least here and there throughout the rest of the anime, but it does make it even more shocking. And I’ll stop here cause I won’t be spoiling.

RtS is a nice watch but it’s restricted by its short runtime. Nothing really can be done about that unfortunately. If you are interested based on what I’ve written above, give it a try! [7/10] (x)

Recommend: HELL Yeah! | Yes | Eh??? | Nope | This anime killed my parents

#dusty reviews #Arakawa Under the Bridge #Release the Spyce

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do-your-socks-have-holes-in-them · 7 years ago

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On the Other Side / Ch3: Hide and Seek

Last / Masterpost / Next

Summary: For the past thirteen years, a secretive organization has been raising two groups of superpowered children. Half of them, since their very first memories, have been told they’ll grow up to be brave and strong superheroes; the rest were taught a much harsher view of the world, and groomed to become villains. Neither group knows of the other’s existence. But when a certain trio of heroes-to-be meets two future villains who really just want to be left alone, they all realize how much they haven’t been told.

Warnings: non-graphic violence, bullying, child abuse, sympathetic/good Deceit (Devon) is a main character

A/N: school has started happening to me in earnest. still feel pretty good about having the next chapter done on schedule, but can’t promise anything

Read on AO3

It wasn’t hard for Patton to sense where the two boys had gone. In fact, he found himself actually pulling back a little from their emotional auras, wincing at the waves of panic he could feel from them. Logan tapped his arm to bring him back to reality when a worried fog started accumulating around him. He shook himself out of it and led his friends back down the hallway the way they’d come, stopping at the doorway of one of the classrooms in that hall.

Roman insisted on being the first into the darkened room: “It might be dangerous, you don’t know!” He sounded entirely too excited about that prospect. Logan rolled his eyes, but decided to let him have his fun. Patton, however, got impatient when the dramatic scan of the room was taking too long and ducked under Roman’s arm, ignoring his noise of protest. He was- for once- a little more focused on the main issue at hand.

“Hello?” Patton called softly, flipping the lights on. “Anyone in here? We’re not going to hurt you, I promise!”

He knew they were in there, of course- and could tell where their hiding spot was- but he wanted to let them show themselves on their own terms. He’d felt a spike of fear from them when they heard him and his friends walk in, and he didn’t want to scare them even more by actually going over there and exposing them. Behind him, Logan quietly closed the door; just because Patton was trying to make them feel comfortable didn’t mean he should risk them running off again. Roman just stood there, fidgeting with a ball of light between his hands and dimming the rest of the room in the process. He still wasn’t sure how to feel about the new friends Patton seemed determined to make.

Patton frowned. It seemed like they were still scared of him. No one had ever been actually scared of him before in the entirety of his ten years of life, and it was really starting to upset him. He couldn’t get too upset right now, though, because he needed to be calm instead so he could help them be calm. He took a deep breath and tried to focus, like he’d been learning in his meditation class.

A gentle breeze swirled around the room, shifting a few pieces of paper and ruffling everyone’s hair. Roman blinked as some of his nervousness seemed to drain into the floor beneath him and, in turn, let the light drain out of his hands and back into the room around him, only keeping a few faint strands to play with. Logan relaxed his posture as well, giving Patton a small smile, which he didn’t see because he still had his eyes closed for the whole focusing thing. He exhaled and opened them after a few more seconds, and all three of them waited hopefully to see if the other two in the room would be convinced it was safe to come out of hiding.

Half a minute went by painfully slowly, and Patton began to slump a little. It was looking like his gentle approach wasn’t going to work after all. There went his chance of resolving the situation without any more conflict… wait!

Everyone perked up at the muffled shifting noises coming from one of the cabinets under the counter at the back of the room. A second later, it was pushed open, and the boys tumbled out and ended up sprawled on the floor in front of them for the second time in fifteen minutes. They were even more disheveled than before after cramming themselves in with a bunch of dusty school supplies. The small one recovered first, clutching a not-very-sharp pencil in each hand and jumping up as if he still expected a fight. His friend got to his feet behind him, brushed himself off and grabbed his arm to keep him from doing anything stupid, while Roman pulled Patton back a little to be safe. Hopefully this round of awkwardly staring each other down would turn out better than the last.

Patton laughed nervously and struggled to keep projecting calm to everyone. “Okay, guys, I think we might’ve got off on the wrong foot earlier… we didn’t mean to scare you, really!”

There was silence. The taller of the two boys managed to meet Patton’s eyes for a moment with a tight half-smile, but the other was aiming a distrustful glare at Roman, who made a face at him in response behind Patton’s back.

Okay, this was… still very tense. Patton wilted a bit at the complete lack of response he’d gotten, but he wasn’t giving up yet. Just keep talking? Yeah, that would probably work eventually, right? “Um… oh, uh, my name’s Patton! And that’s Logan-” he waved a hand behind himself and nearly smacked Logan’s arm- “and this is Roman and he’s nice really, um, don’t kick him again please? Or… stab him with pencils?” He let out a nervous giggle and slapped a hand over his mouth to try and get himself under control. Roman gave him a look, hurt that his best friend would laugh at the injustice that had been done to him, and Logan just sighed.

“What he’s trying to say,” Logan cut in while Patton was incapacitated, “is that we don’t intend you any harm.” He looked at them over his glasses, which didn’t quite have the desired effect when coming from an eleven-year-old. “However, since we’ve been introduced now, I think it would only be right for you to return the favor and tell us who you are. …And put the pencils away.”

The two exchanged a look and then, after a brief hesitation, a small nod. The one brandishing said writing tools surrendered them to his friend, who set them on the counter- still notably within reach- and cleared his throat.

“I’m… my name is Devon and he’s Virgil,” he said, still holding on to Virgil’s arm. His eyes darted over to Logan and the closed door, and his grip tightened. “I apologize for… him earlier… it was an accident, he didn’t mean it, promise, we’re really sorry…”

Roman crossed his arms and interjected before Patton could go and say that it was totally fine or something like that. “If he’s really sorry for attacking me, which I doubt, why doesn’t he apologize?”

“Ro…”

“What? I just want him to actually apologize, is that so much to ask?” He was too preoccupied with being indignant to immediately notice Virgil doing pretty much the opposite of that, tensing up again and baring his teeth at him. Jeez, the kid was practically feral.

“Roman. You’re scaring them again.” Patton tugged him backwards, and he grumbled under his breath about unfairness. “But… it would be nice if you would say sorry for kicking him, Virgil.”

Virgil flinched at the use of his name, and Devon pulled him back against his chest in an attempt to calm him. “He doesn’t like to talk,” he explained, mentally willing them not to push it any further. “He- he only talks to me.”

Roman blinked and rubbed the back of his neck. “Oh. Um…” He looked at Virgil again. “Well, could you just… nod or give me a thumbs up or something, then?”

“Let him have this,” Logan advised, appearing over Roman’s shoulder.

Virgil squirmed and glared at the floor. He didn’t like everyone looking at him. But if it would make them leave him alone… He glanced up and gave Roman the world’s most halfhearted jerky nod.

“Satisfied?” Logan asked drily.

“As a matter of fact, yes, I am.”

“Oh thank god,” Devon breathed, quietly enough that only Virgil heard it. He started edging towards the door, which was currently unguarded. “Great, we’ll just be on our way then-”

“Wait!”

They both froze and looked at Patton. Virgil took a tiny step back, grabbing Devon’s sleeve in preparation. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy.

“Nonono, I’m sorry, nothing bad-”

That sounded fake.

“-it’s just… where are you going to go? Because I know you’re not in our class and if you stay here you’re going to get in trouble and I saw, you know, where you were before and it didn’t seem very… nice and- and you were scared.”

Devon stiffened, and Virgil wanted to bristle at the assertion that he had been scared just then or ever before, but… okay, maybe it was the adrenaline-plus-exhaustion headrush, but he felt weirdly chill about the whole situation and Patton in particular, like maybe… maybe for once someone who said they wouldn’t hurt him was being honest about it.

“So I kinda thought- I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want but maybe you could come with us and stay in our room? You can hide if anybody comes in and it’ll be like a sleepover! And then in the morning you can figure out where to go, and we can help you, okay?”

Patton held out his hand to them and attempted to hold in an excited grin. Virgil and Devon looked at him and then at each other, communicating purely through small changes in facial expression. A… sleepover? That was pretty much a foreign concept to them, but not one that sounded too bad in theory. It could still be a trap, of course- but on the other hand, it wouldn’t make much sense to lure them there when they were already cornered here. Frankly, at this point, they didn’t have much to lose compared to the amount of trouble they’d be in once one of their teachers caught them here, wherever here even was. And fuck it- maybe Patton really did mean what he said, and he would help them, and that was a better hope than they’d had in a while. With a final nudge from Virgil, Devon swallowed nervously, then reached out and took Patton’s hand.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #patton sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #my post #my writing #on the other side

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jjajiki · 6 years ago

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Trainee

Chaeyoung x Reader

A/N: this turned out sadder than i thought it would.

Words: 1.288

Being a JYP trainee is quite difficult. Not only as a trainee but also as a foreigner, things don’t work out the way you’d expect them to most of the time on your everyday life. There’s always worse is your go-to motivation. Debut is your biggest dream and since the first step has been made, after you got accepted to one of the biggest entertainment companies in Korea, you know that there’re more steps yet to be made with a little hard work.

Among the current JYP trainees, you’re the most capable on dancing. That sure does keep you going but something that doesn’t, is definitely the lack of communication with anyone in the company. You haven’t made any friends, you’ve always been distant and shy because of your Korean or just because of your introverted self. You acknowledge that this is considered as a disadvantage by the company since the point is to debut and even live under the same roof with some of these trainees, but that only makes it harder for you to finally reach to anyone.

The one thing you are confident with doing in the agency’s building, is dancing. Even when idols come around on the practice rooms, you’ll be first in line whether they’re practicing with you or they’re giving the trainees some tips. You haven’t met all the JYP idols, just the ones you’d bump into or have a lesson with.

You really hate it when you wake up early because it only makes these hard days bigger, but every time you do, you decide to take advantage of it. Morning practices are always the quietest since not a lot people are on the building. In fact, there’s usually none in the dancing practice rooms so you just blast whatever music you want and enjoy yourself.

This time around though, as you entered the building you could hear noises from the upper floors. You stopped curious outside of your usual practice room on the 2nd floor and glanced on the other side of the hallway where you guessed those noises were coming from. It was on the idol’s area so you couldn’t take a closer look, but all you could see was that the door from the rap practicing room was open. Weird.

You were almost done with your warm up, it felt like 20 minutes had already passed and even though you could hear some chatting right outside of the practice room, nobody had joined you yet. At least you thought so. You weren’t really paying attention because you were too focused on your moves.

You stopped for a minute to grab some water when you saw somebody with the corner of your eye sitting with their legs crossed on the other side of the room, right next to the door. You could tell by the silence as you were turning down the music that it was just the two of you in the room.

The person smiled at you and all you did was blink several times and gulp while realizing who that person was.

It was Twice’s Chaeyoung, the main rapper who you never had the opportunity to meet or see before. She looked more beautiful in person which was hard for you to accept because she already looked too beautiful on screen. You greeted her while thinking that your bias list just got wrecked and she did the same.

“Isn’t it a bit tiring to start your day like that?” She asked nicely.

“I didn’t have anything else to do..so..” You replied awkwardly.

She was piercing you that look which was feeling heavier and heavier second by second, so you tried to break it by staring around which only made look more awkward.

“You’re Y/N right? I’ve heard about you.” She said all of a sudden and you widened your eyes.

She came closer and stood looking herself in the mirror. She started doing some stretching while you were trying to stop yourself from staring like a total idiot and answer properly.

“h-heard about.. me?” You asked not knowing what you should do or say in front of her. This whole situation was making you nervous and it was difficult to ignore.

“Of course. Whenever we talk about trainees and stuff with the member you’re always in the conversation.” She said while lifting her hair up to a messy bun.

You could’ve sworn that you were staring at this simple move with your mouth wide open and not only because you just found out that probably all the Twice members know that you exist. You shook your head and cleared your throat.

“Momo unnie talks best about you.. and it’s hard to make an impression on her you know, so I’m pretty sure you’re talented.” She then said, praising you.

“Thank you..” Is all that you said and you were pretty sure she had already noticed your nervousness. This time it wasn’t your introverted self, it was nervousness and you couldn’t understand why.

She then made a few more questions about you, your age, your nationality etc. which thankfully made you feel more comfortable.

You two were chatting and getting to know each other for an hour, almost forgetting the reason that you both were here. Chaeyoung seemed to notice that first.

“I think I ruined your practice, I should go” She said and stood up.

“What? No no..I mean- It’s okay, I am here every morning lately so it doesn’t really matter” You said and stood up too.

“Sounds like you’re a morning person” She flashed a smile and you felt something warming your cheeks.

“Well, it’s just- I can’t really sleep for too many hours lately” You admitted while scratching awkwardly your head. You immediately regretted what you said though. It felt like it was a useless information that she probably wouldn’t care about.

“Why so?” She asked curiously but you weren’t sure if you should bother her with your issues.

She noticed that you were hesitant and came closer to you. You could feel your whole body tense up as she was getting closer but you tried to hide it. She gently placed her hand on your shoulder and suddenly this whole tense you were feeling seemed to fade away with her touch.

“I know that it’s difficult for you since I’ve trained with people like you and seen their struggles but sleep and meals are the two things you shouldn’t be skipping. That’s the key to a successful kind of practice, otherwise it’s almost meaningless and two times more tiring for you.” She comforted you while looking at you with those caring puppy eyes of hers.

There was a moment of silence because you got completely lost on her words. They really spoke to you.

“Thank you..I’ll try” You said softly and she nodded satisfied.

She released your shoulder and turned around as she was heading towards the door.

“I should go now, it was nice meeting you! Please take care from now on..” She cutely smiled and you smiled back at her.

“Yes, thank you, it was nice meeting you too” You just said and she left.

You immediately felt like your heart just sang because you were already missing her hand on your shoulder. Or her attention on you, or the caring look on her eyes when she was looking at you…oh well.

You knew that these thoughts weren’t supposed to reach your mind but at this state you’re completely sure that they will be there every time you see her. Afraid of what might happen if you see her around like that again, you ended up on the same conclusion for yourself. To stay distant.

#twice #chaeyoung #kpop #girl groups #scenarios #son chaeyoung #nayeon #mina #momo #sana #tzuyu #dahyun #jeongyeon #jihyo #jyp #jyp twice #once #one shots #imagines #kpop imagines

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pjchlorobaby · 7 years ago

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Mrs Winter

From the outside Mrs Nicole Winter seemed to be a pillar of the community. She was well known throughout the local village but had a very close circle of friends. She was always at the centre of any charity event, either baking and selling her delicious cakes or simply raising money by other methods that she and her friends had devised. She was often seen around the village acting as a carer for special needs adults (our so people thought.)

But Mrs Winter had a dark secret that few knew about, only her close circle of friends, Mrs Karen White, Mrs Beth Johnson and Mrs Scarlet Jones knew of her secret and that was because they joined her with it. Mrs Winter loved to dominate men, young men at that. Over the years she and her friends had enslaved and dominated countless individuals before either releasing them or even selling them on. The reason for this was simple, each of the women had been wronged be their ex husbands in the past and after getting to know one another agreed that they would never be victims again, in fact they decided to turn the tables and teach young men the power of the female and ensure history would not repeat itself.

The women (all ex-nurses) had worked hard over the years to transform Mrs Winters large cottage into a fetish lovers paradise. The cottage had one bedroom in particular, that had been reinvented for their captives introduction to their new life. They had converted it into a large adult-sized nursery and medical room. It was fully furnished including a large white cot, an examination/changing table and high chair. They had also amassed a large supply of equipment that they needed to maintain the captives new role.

I was single and had been backpacking for a few weeks when I turned up in the village. I had only stopped off in the local pub for a few beers before I was going to continue onto the next major town. I got talking to two women in the beer garden. They seemed interested in hearing about my experiences whilst travelling, not to 'look a gift horse in the mouth!' (Both were extremely good looking,) I offered to buy them both a drink and flirted a little. Karen was keeping me occupied while Beth had moved away from the table to make a telephone call. She called Nicole, advising her of their potential new victim. After the call Nicole contacted Scarlet to ensure all the women were ready for the abduction.

Returning to the table Beth stood behind me and spoke, "we're having a little party with our friends back at ours if your interested?" She asked as Karen popped a small pill into my drink. Knowing I'd take the bait, the women watched as I eagerly finished my drink before following the women to their car around the corner. I jumped into the back of the 4x4, which had tinted rear windows and we sped off to Mrs Winters cottage. Upon arrival Karen drove directly into the large waiting garage. She remotely closed the door before we all exited the vehicle. I was led through a side door into the main house and was greeted by another two equally beautiful women dressed in blue nurses uniforms, drinking glasses of white wine. "Who's this?" One of the females said as Beth replied that my name was PJ and that her and Karen had invited me back to the party. The other women introduced themselves as Nicole and Scarlet. I was offered a beer, which I gratefully accepted. We all made our way into the living room and chatted while music played in the background. I found out that all four women were nurses (that was why Nicole and Scarlet were dressed that way, having just finished a shift.) I must admit that I felt a little out of my depth with four stunning females and just me as the only male there. "Is there anyone else coming to the party?" I asked. "Are we not enough company for you?" Scarlet immediately responded, in a tone to make me feel I had upset her. "Oh, no, sorry I Er, was just asking," I replied. All four women started laughing, "don't worry about Scarlet PJ," Karen said to me. "Yes, she's got issues with men!" Nicole immediately quipped, as all the women cried with laughter once again. I was offered another drink which I accepted and started to relax.

I then had the sudden need to use the bathroom, I quickly asked for its location and made my way up the stairs towards it. Before getting to the top of the stairs I lost control and started to wet myself! Embarrassed by my lack of control I entered the bathroom and locked the door behind me. How could this of happened? I hadn't had too much to drink and had never had a issue like this in the past. Why today of all days, I thought to myself as I desperately tried to soak up my accident using the toilet paper in the bathroom. After a few minutes of franticly trying to cover up my little incident, I heard a knock on the door. "Are you ok in there?" I heard Nicole ask. "Er, yes I'm fine, I won't be long!" I replied. But moments later I heard the bathroom door unlock. Nicole had used a screwdriver to turn it from her side of the door. I looked around in horror as the door opened and Nicole stood in the doorway looking directly at my wet patch. "Oh dear it looks like you've had a little accident!" Nicole said as a deafening silence fell. It wasn't long before Nicole broke it the silence and walked towards me. Taking my wrist she started to pull me. "Come on, come with me!" Nicole ordered me with authority, "I've got some spare clothes in the bedroom you can wear!"

I was in shock, but realised in my current predicament, following Nicole to get some fresh clothes was my best option. As I followed her along the hallway, I tried to explain that I had no idea why this had occurred. But Nicole simply kept hold of my wrist ensuring I kept with her walking pace and did not reply. She opened a door and pulled me inside. It wasn't until she had pulled me into the centre of the room I realised we were not alone. I turned around as the door slammed shut. I then saw Beth who was now also dressed in a blue nurses uniform locking the door. As I surveyed the room I could see Karen, who again, had also changed into nurses attire and was standing next to Scarlet. The room resembled a large nursery, I could tell something was wrong. "What's going on?" I asked. Nicole released my wrist and turned around, "it looks as if you've been a naughty boy and wet your pants!" She said looking sternly into my eyes as the other women giggled. "No, that wasn't my fault!" I said, slightly embarrassed by being called out in front of the other three women. "Well the fact remains you have wet yourself my dear and as far as I'm concerned only babies do that!

What the hell was this woman on? I thought to myself as I took in her words whilst my eyes scanned the various objects within the nursery. "Thanks for the hospitality but I think it's time I left!" I said spinning around to make my way over to the door. Scarlet had been prepared for this moment and now with my back to her she pulled out a wad of thick white paper handkerchiefs from her right nurses uniform pocket. From her left she pulled out a brown glass bottle, with spray cap and proceeded to spray to contents into the wad.

As I approached to door I realised Beth had locked it. "Can you unlock the door please?" I politely (but with authority) asked. "Oh your not going anywhere sweet cheeks!" Beth said as she moved forward. I stepped back but was met by Nicole and Karen who were now in close proximity. Nicole and Karen took each of my arms while Beth quickly bent down and grabbed my legs. With the three women upon me, they were easily able to unbalance me and I was soon laying on the floor looking up at the ceiling. "GET OFF ME!" I shouted as the three women pinned me down and Scarlet came into view. Struggling to break free, I watched as Scarlet knelt down beside me and showed me the paper handkerchiefs as she folded them over. "You won't feel any pain!" She said as she slowly lowered the tissues over my mouth and nose. "Mmmppphhhff! Mmmppphhhfff!" I cried, I was both shocked and scared of how events had turned. I desperately continued to try and struggle free. But with three females holding me down, I made little headway and only managed to waste energy. I took by first breath through the thick white tissues and was immediately hit with the strong sweet odour from the chloroform vapours held within them. "Mmmppphhhff!" I cried realising that these women were trying to drug me. "That's right precious, breathe it all in!" Nicole said as she, and the others held me down firmly as I continued to fight.

"Mmmppphhhfff, mmmppphhhff!" I cried as my plight continued and I was forced to inhale the drug from the tissues that Scarlet held to my mouth and nose. I tried to shake my head, but Scarlet was easily able to ensure she followed my movements. "Ssshhhhhh, that's it baby go night nights!" Karen coed, as my eyes started to flutter and my ears began to ring from the dizziness consuming me. My struggles subsided as the drug took hold, but the women did not relent and held me firm, allowing Scarlet to complete her task. Mmpphhf, mpphhff!" My groans were now quieter as I neared unconsciousness. "Sssssshhhhhh! Good boooooyyyyyy!" One of the women said as I slipped into the darkness.

Scarlet kept the tissues in place a few seconds after I had lost consciousness to ensure I was completely out before removing them. "Let's get him ready ladies!" Nicole said, before they all lifted my unconscious form onto the changing table covered with blue paper towel. Karen wasted no time in using a large pair of scissors to cut away all of my clothing, leaving my naked form for all to see. Beth had gone over to one of the cabinets and retrieved a tube of hair removal cream. She pulled a pair of latex examination gloves from the dispenser at the bottom of the changing table and put them on. Removing the cap from the tube, she spread a generous quantity of the cream over my pubic hairs. Scarlet helped Beth by raising each of my legs allowing her to spread the cream underneath my rear, she even slid her hand between my butt cheeks ensuring the I'd have no trace of fair there either. Beth continued to smother the rest of my body with the cream, my legs, arms, chest and even my back (with Scarlets help.) Meanwhile Karen had disposed of what was left of my clothes before joining Nicole at the large wardrobe. "So what's his christening outfit going to be?" Karen asked as Nicole looked at the array of clothing hanging within it. "I think were keep him as a boy for now!" Nicole said as she took out a baby blue onesie. "But I think he can have the bonnet and mittens too!" She smiled as she retrieved a matching large blue babies bonnet and pair of mittens.

Karen then pulled open one of the drawers below the wardrobe doors, revealing a large supply of both disposable and cloth nappies. There were many colours and styles, but she selected two thick white ones and a pair of transparent blue plastic pants. As Karen and Nicole made their way back to the changing table, Beth was just finishing her task of removing the last traces of cream, along with my hair with a warm flannel. The women made light work of rolling me onto my side to remove the blue towel that had protected the changing table from unwanted mess, before laying me back down. My legs were raised by Scarlet and Beth as Karen slid one of the thick disposable nappies under my rear. "Are we going to give him the fetish treatment?" Karen asked looking to Nicole. "Of course!" Nicole smiled as she pulled over a medical trolley. She pulled open one of the drawers to reveal piles and piles of thick white paper handkerchiefs.

(Mrs Nicole Winter had worked closely with renowned doctor 'Dr Jameson.' He was widely known as 'the best' within his field of brain rehabilitation. Nicole had been his trusted senior nurse throughout his placement in London, for five years before he moved to the states. She had gained knowledge regarding drugs that can alter the human mindset. She had developed her very own chemical that contained a hypnotic and it was also mixed with a strain of chloroform to subdue the user. She had tested it over many months before finding the correct dosages. Of course she had kept her drug for her own uses and had not shared it with Dr Jameson. Nicole had a fetish for tissues and had done so for a long time, she loved to inflict her fetish onto men. She especially loved the fact that whilst tissues are often seen as soft, she could use them to drug, gag and stimulate her victims, without them being able to do a thing about it. The other women had come to enjoy Nicole's fetish too, they also found the use of tissues on a sub male very erotic and pleasurable.)

Nicole removed a large quantity of the paper handkerchiefs and passed them to Karen and Beth who wasted no time in spreading them around my diaper area. "Aren't you forgetting something?" Scarlet called from the other side of the room. As the women all turned to look at Scarlet, they could see her holding up a black butt plug in one hand and a bottle of pills in the other. All the women laughed as Scarlet made her way over to my sleepless form. Beth and Karen lifted my legs as Scarlet put on a pair of latex gloves, with a little squirt of lubricant on the end of her finger she inserted it into my rectum. Removing her finger she opened the bottle of pills and one by one slid three of the blue bullets inside me. Scarlet then took hold of the butt plug and forced the object all of the way into my rosebud. Karen and Beth rearranged the paper handkerchiefs around my crutch and rear, Beth also pulled back my foreskin and placed a layer of tissues over my helmet, before Karen pulled up the front of my nappy and taped it in place. My legs were again lifted as the second nappy was slid under me. This was taped over the first nappy and then they put me into the plastic pants, giving me a now very padded garment indeed. Nicole and Karen worked together to put on the pale blue onesie on me. After which Beth and Scarlet put on a mitten each, however, before doing so they placed some tissues in each of my hands, closed them into a fist and placed medical tape around them keeping the fist shape formed. After the mittens were buckled in place all four women lifted me from the changing table and laid me down in the cot. They secured me to it using the straps in place, while Scarlet placed an oversized dummy in my mouth and strapped it behind my head. Nicole gave the final touch by tying the baby blue bonnet over my head. All four women looked smiling down at me before Nicole turned on the baby monitor and the ladies all left me to sleep off my drugging.

Hours passed before I started to emerge from my slumber. I did not recall previous events at first and tried to roll onto my side. When I felt the straps giving me resistance I started to realise something was wrong. As I came out of my drugged haze, I found myself secured to the cot. I looked down at my body and could see that I had been dressed differently. I desperately tried to struggle and cry for help "Mmmppphhhfff! Mmmppphhhfff!" but my cries were muffled due to the oversized dummy gagging my mouth. My struggles had no effect either, except to make me realise my genitals were well padded (by the nappies and tissues) and that every time I moved I could feel something in my back passage. "MMMMPPPHHHFFFF!" I screamed in rage, how could this happen?! How could I get kidnapped?

Moments later I heard the nursery door unlock. As I watched the door open I saw Nicole, she breezed into the nursery, still dressed in her nurses uniform and walked over to the cot. "Hello darling!" She said smiling down at me. My immediate response was to "Mmmppphhfff" into my dummy gag to show my displeasure. "Oh hush now sweet heart! I'm sure your a little grouchy but your love being mummy's new baby!" She said as she opened the trolley drawer and took out some blue material and some paper handkerchiefs. "Let me explain, as I'm sure baby is wondering, what on earth is going on isn't he?" Nicole said as she pulled out a bottle from her pocket and sprayed the tissues with it. "I'm your new mummy and the other pretty ladies you saw earlier are all of your new Aunties. Were going to take very good care of you and ensure that you never have to worry about anything ever again!" Nicole smiled at me as she folded the paper handkerchief wad into a large pack and placed them onto the top of the trolley. "Your so lucky to have all of us looking after you and to teach you how to treat women, your even enjoy it, I promise!" Nicole said, grinning as she reached behind my head and released the dummy gag, pulling it out of my mouth. "You can't do this! It's kidnap!" I shouted.

Meanwhile Karen, Beth and Scarlet started to laugh as they listened intently to the baby monitor downstairs, while they enjoyed their glasses of white wine. "Oh he's going to be so much fun!" Scarlet commented, the other ladies agreed smiling, before they all turned their attention back to the monitor.

"Oh baby, I'm afraid I can do this, but you are right, this is kidnap. However, I don't think your really in a position to tell me what I can and can't do, are you?" Nicole sadistically said as she picked up the wad of tissues. "These, my darling, are mummy's special tissues. They're going to help you accept you new role! Breath deeply precious!" Nicole said as she thrusted the paper handkerchief wad over my mouth and nose. "Mmmmppphhhfff!" I cried as the thick white tissues covered my mouth and nose. I desperately started to shake my head from side to side, trying to escape Nicole's gagging. But Nicole kept the crisp white paper hankies firmly in place as I struggled. I had to take my first breath and was immediately hit with the chemical vapours held within the tissues. "Mmmppphhhf!" I cried, continuing to struggle but realising I could do nothing to stop my kidnapper drugging me, as I had to take another breath. "There's a good boy!" Nicole teased as she did not relent. I was forced to inhale more of the drug and as a result my struggles started to slow down. Nicole placed the blue material over the tissues and used the four popper buttons in each corner, attaching them to the corresponding fixtures on the blue bonnet that was already tied in place. I tried to dislodge the gag now secured over my mouth and nose by shaking my head side to side, but failed to do so. "There! mummys tissues are nice and securely in place now! Now Mummy can look after baby!" Nicole said as she looked into my eyes. "Mmmppphhhff!" I complained as Nicole moved down my body and started to rub the front of my nappy through the onesie with her right hand.

"Mmmm, does baby like that?" Nicole asked as she immediately felt my erection straining against the confines of the nappy and the tissues held within it, as she continued to rub. "Mmmpphhff, Mmmpphhff!" I protested, inhaling yet more vapours from the gag muffling my speech. I could feel the effects of the drug working and really started to enjoy the sensations of the paper handkerchiefs rubbing against me. "Oh yes! I think baby likes that very much doesn't he?" Nicole coed as she then started using both of her hands to stimulate my raging member through the nappy. "Mmppphhff! Mmmppphhhff!" I groaned, but the groans were now from ecstasy not complaint. I was completely and utterly caught in Nicole's 'Spider Web.' At this moment in time I wanted nothing more than to please my new mummy, in the hope that she would continue to please me! I felt strangely secure and safe with the tissues padding my nappy and covering my face, I could even feel them within my tightly mittened fists. "Mmmppphhhh, mmmmppphhhff, mmmppphhhfff!" I cried with pleasure as I started to feel movement in my testicles . "Are we getting close sweetheart?" Nicole asked as she stopped rubbing me. "Mmmppphhhfff!" I cried into my gag looking at her as she pulled out a remove device from her nurses uniform. Holding it up for me to see she pressed the green button. "MMMPPPHHHFF!" I screamed into the gag as the butt plug in my rear end started to vibrate. "Now, now sweetie! Mummy knows best!" Nicole said as she started to rub my nappy again. "Mmppphhff, Mmmppphhfff! I cried as Nicole stimulated me and the vibrations in my butt increased. It wasn't long before the stirrings in my testicles resurfaced and my mind was enjoying mummy's tissues once more. "That's it precious do a cummies for mummy and show me how much you like being my baby!" Nicole teased as I was starting to reach the point of no return. "Mmmppphhfff!" I groaned into the thick white paper hankies as I started to feel movement down below. "That's it, let it all out for mummy!" Nicole said as I cried into my gag once more "MMMPPPHHHFF!" My muffled groan of pleasure escaped the gag as I creamed into the waiting nappy. "Good boy!" Nicole praised as she continued to stimulate the nappy, and I continued to spurt into it. As I finished my deposit Nicole turned off the vibrating butt plug, before she grabbed some fresh tissues from the trolley. I was now completely docile and I could only watch as Nicole unclipped the blue gag holder and removed the drugged tissues. "No, get off!" I weakly responded as Nicole put the fresh tissues to my nose. "Be a good boy and blow for mummy!" She ordered. Still drugged I felt almost compelled to do as I was told and blew into the waiting hankies. "Good boy!" Nicole praised me again as the women downstairs giggled and clapped with this triumph.

Nicole finished wiping my nose clean and disposed of the dirty tissues and retrieved more fresh ones from the trolley. "Time for a nap sweetie!" She said as she sprayed them with her special chloroform, folded them and quickly clamped them over my mouth and nose. I tried to struggle, but my response was very tame. Still drugged and exhausted from Nicole's workout I had no chance as the crisp paper hankies covered my airways. "Mmmppphhhff, mmmppphhhfff! I moaned into the white gag as Nicole simply smiled and looked down at me, "ssshhhhhhhh, mummy's got you! She said before my eyes fluttered and I was out. Nicole left the tissues in place a few moments longer, before removing them and reinserting the dummy gag. Nicole the undid my onesie, pulled down the plastic pants and released the nappy tapes. But this was only to remove the butt plug and dirty tissues, before she re-taped the nappies in place and pulled up the plastic pants, before doing up the onesie. "Sweet dreams precious!" Nicole said, giving me a kiss on the forehead before leaving the nursery.

The four ladies chatted and laughed away in the living room, continuing to enjoy their wine for several hours. "Is he awake?" Karen asked as all of the ladies went silent and concentrated listening to the baby monitor. "Mmmpphhff, mmmppphhhf!" They heard me cry from upstairs, I was in real trouble. I had awoken to the urgent need to go to the toilet. The cramps in my stomach had become worse, the longer I had tried to hold out. But now I had to accept my fate and with great regret allowed myself to release into the nappies. First, the warm jet of urine seemed to be instantly soaked up by the thick tissues held within my inner nappy. However, what came next was a massive shock. "MNMPPPHHHFF!" I cried into the dummy gag as my rear passage just opened and released, what I can only describe as a tidal wave of mess. It was kind of lucky (I can't believe I'm saying that,) that I was wearing the two thick nappies and plastic pants, as the release was extreme and leaked from the inner nappy into the outer one.

The nursery door unlocked and in walked Karen and Beth. Both were donning latex gloves and plastic aprons over their nurses uniforms, I could also see they were wearing surgical masks over their nose and mouth. "Has baby messed himself?" Karen asked, "ooohhhh, don't worry darling we're have you cleaned up in no time!" Beth stated as both women went to work. The cot sides were lowered and both ladies undid the straps keeping me secured to the cot. In unison, they both grabbed me under my arms and dragged me over to the changing table. Due to the full nappy and the drug that I had received earlier I was unable to put up much of a fight. They ignored my protests and quickly had me on my back and strapped down onto the changing table. My chest and wrists were secured to the table and my ankles attached to a spreader bar, which was hooked in the air. They wasted no time in un popping my onesie and pulling off the plastic pants. Then they removed the nappies and mess within them. Karen quickly put the fowl smelling nappies into a medical waste bin and before her and Beth went to work wiping my body clean with large baby wipes. "Mmppphhff!" I complained at my humiliation as the ladies methodically ensured that I was once again clean.

Beth retrieved a fresh nappy from the drawers. She grabbed just the one, but it was extraordinarily thick. As she slipped it under my bottom I noticed its pale pink colour. "This is your Auntie Scarlet's favourite nappy sweetheart! Your find out why soon enough!" Beth advised me as Karen laughed as passed her the talc. Beth started to sprinkle the white powder over my genitals and as she did so Karen helped her by rubbing it in. Beth went to the trolley and pulled it over to the changing table. Both ladies removed some paper handkerchiefs from one of the drawers and started to lay them around my nappy area. "Mmmppphhff!" I moaned, I could not help but show my excitement as I felt the crisp white paper hankies touch my skin and soon had a raging erection. "Looks like baby likes his Aunties tissues Doesn't he?" Karen said. "Yes, he's learning quickly isn't he Auntie Karen!" Beth said as she wrapped my member with some of the thick tissues. Beth kept her hand gripped around the thick paper hankies and my member and slowly started to move it up and down. "Mmmppphhhff!" I cried as I felt a mixture of pleasure and humiliation. I watched, unable to do anything as Karen pulled some of the tissues from the trolley drawer and sprayed them with the hypnotic chloroform drug. "Time for your medicine darling!" Karen said as she unsecured and removed the dummy gag.

"Please, you can't do this! Noommmmppphhhff!" I cried as Karen clamped the thick white bundle over my mouth and nose. "Mmmppphhff! Mmmppphhff!" I complained as I tried to turn my head away from Karen's grasp. Karen just followed my movements with the drugged tissues and I was forced to inhale the drugged vapours once again. "Mmmppphhhff!" I groaned as the drug entered my body. Beth was still moving her hand up and down my member, using the paper hankies to stimulate her movements. It wasn't long before the drug took hold and I was again in a haze of pure enjoyment, at my new Aunties hands. I didn't notice Scarlet enter the nursery as Beth continued her assault and Karen ensured that her hand kept the drugged tissues firmly in place. "Come on then sweet pea, show Auntie how much you love being our baby!" Karen coed in my ear as she could see me pulling at my bonds. My mind was a blur, I could only think of how enjoyable these feelings were, I heard Karen encourage me and for some reason wanted to please her. "Mmmppphhhff! Mmmppphhhff!" I cried as I grew nearer to climaxing. "That's it darling, do cummies for Auntie!" Karen again encouraged as Beth did not relent in her assault of my member. "MMMPPPHHHFF!" I cried into Karen's paper hankie filled palm as I started to release. "There's a good boy! That's it spurt it all out!" Beth commented whilst continuing to rub me. "Mmmppphhhff!" I groaned again as I continued to inhale the drug as I was forced to ejaculate for my new Aunties. "There we go, good boy!" Beth said as she pulled back my foreskin and wiped my member clean. I was now docile due to the drug, but Karen wasn't going to be removing my gag any time soon. In fact, she retrieved a leather muzzle gag from the trolley and placed it over the paper handkerchiefs that were gagging me, before buckling the straps behind my head to keep it in place. Meanwhile Beth had again pulled back my foreskin and placed some fresh tissues over the end, before pulling up the pink nappy and taping it in place. "Mmmppphhhff!" I moaned as I was released from my bonds, with the exception of the spreader bar, that was merely unhooked from the ceiling. Both ladies easily lifted me and manoeuvred me so that I was leaning over the end of the changing table. "MMMPPPHHHFF!" I screamed into the gag as I caught a glimpse of Scarlet. She was dressed head to toe in a pink and black latex suit which also incorporated a pink strap-on. I desperately tried to struggle free, realising that Scarlet had plans, wickedly smiling at me as she approached. But Karen and Beth easily held my wrists down to the changing table as they reapplied the bonds. The wrist restraints were followed by two straps across my back, to keep me securely in place. "Hello gorgeous!" Scarlet said as I continued to inhale the hypnotic chloroform vapours. "I see that Auntie Beth and Auntie Karen have been taking good care of you haven't they?" Scarlet asked as Beth and Karen each gave me a kiss on my forehead. "Bye sweetheart!" Karen said, "have fun little one!" Beth said as they both giggled and left the nursery.

"MMMPPPHHHFF!" I tried to complain as I realised that I was being left with Scarlet, for her to abuse me with her strap-on. "Hush now darling, Auntie Scarlet just wants to give baby a little lesson!" She said as I felt her touching the rear of my nappy. Scarlet's 'favourite nappy' had a special plastic zip moulded into it. As she opened the zip, it allowed her access to my bottom. "MMMPPPHHHFF, MMMPPPHHHFF," I screamed as I felt the cool air against my buttocks. "Ssssssssshhhhhhhh! Everything's going to be ok sweetie!" Scarlet said as I felt her rub some lubricant over my rosebud. I was now breathing heavily, scared of what I expected would humiliate me even further in this nightmare. With each breath I took the drug worked its way deeper into my body, I was again starting to experience the docile haze! "Mmmmmm!" I groaned into my gag as I felt Scarlet press her strap-on to my hole."Brace yourself sweetheart!" Scarlet said, before thrusting her intruder into me. "MMMPPPHHHFF!" I cried as I had no choice but to receive Scarlets gift! "MMMPPPHHHFF, MMMPPPHHHFF, MMMPPPHHHFF!" I moaned as Scarlet started to push in and pull out of me. "You see as our new baby, you need to realise that we are in complete control of you!" Scarlet said as she continued thrust in and out. As Scarlet worked her way deeper inside me with each movement, I could feel stirrings I had never felt before. I had grown another erection, that was straining against the tissues within my nappy and with each stroke of Scarlets intruder touching my insides my virgin prostrate gland was sending my body into new sexual depths I'd never experienced. "Mmmppphhhff!" I groaned into my gag as Scarlet continued to pump into me and my erection strained against the changing table within its nappy and tissue prison. "That's right darling, just lay still and let Auntie do all of the work!" Scarlet giggled as she goaded me. I had little choice, but to lay still, with the restraints in place and the drug well within my system I could do nothing but accept whatever Scarlet decided to do to me. "Owwww, such a good baby!" I heard Scarlet say as she was enjoying her dominance. " "Mmmppphhhff, Mmmppphhhff!" I groaned. "Is baby ready to do creamies again?" Scarlet asked, knowing full well that I was about to shoot/ spill my load into the nappy. "Go on then darling, let all of that nasty cummies out for Auntie!" Scarlet said. Again, as if on cue I cried, "MMMPPPHHHFF!" Into the gag as I ejaculated into the waiting tissue filled nappy. However, Scatlet did not stop her intruder working inside me and continued to pump me hard until my balls were completely empty. "Mmmmm!" I groaned as Scarlet withdrew her strap-on. "There's a good baby!" Scarlet said as I felt her kiss my forehead. "Sweet dreams darling!" I heard scarlet say as she left me on my own in the nursery, before I fell into unconsciousness.

A few hours passed, in which time all of the ladies had returned to the nursery and left again. While they had returned they had removed my onesie and placed a fresh tissue filled nappy on me, before moving me to the highchair and strapping me into it. When I awoke, I started to take in my surroundings, realising I was strapped into the highchair. After testing my bonds, I noticed that my gag had been removed. I decided that my best move would be to try and call for help. "HELP, HELP!!" I shouted at the top of my voice in an effort to try and attract a saviour. Not long after my outburst the nursery door was unlocked and Nicole entered. "Sssshhhhh baby! Don't be a naughty boy!" She said as she walked towards me carrying a large babies bottle full of milk. "What do you expect?" I responded, " you've kidnapped me, I'm not a baby!"

"Oh precious, you still don't understand do you?" Nicole answered as she sat on a stool opposite me. "Yes, we've kidnapped you, but it really is for your own good." Nicole said as she placed the large babies bottle on the feeding tray in front of me. "You enjoyed doing cummies for us earlier didn't you?" Nicole asked as she produced a large pink bib and placed it on me, leaning behind me to secure it around me neck. I hesitated-------"Yes, but you forced me, you drugged me!" I said in disbelief as I watched Nicole pick up the babies bottle and pull out some tissues from he uniform pocket. "Now be a good boy and drink up!" Nicole said as she pushed the teat of the bottle towards my mouth. I was defiant and held my mouth firmly shut. But Nicole was prepared for this and simply placed the tissues in her other hand over my nose and pinched. I tried to pull away from Nicole by shaking my head, but she was easily able to just follow my movements. Eventually I required air and opened my mouth, which allowed Nicole to quickly shove the teat home. She remove the tissues from my nose and as she did so the milk started to flow into my waiting mouth. "Mmmmmmm!" I tried to complain about my forced feeding, but this fell on deaf ears and Nicole simply smiled as I had no choice but to start swallowing my feed. Again I tried to shake my head free. Nicole followed my movements, but had had enough and then slapped my face. "Stay still baby!" She scolded me. The slap was a shock and stung like crazy, I resigned myself to drinking the milk, which tasted slightly sweet, as directed. As my feed continued I started to struggle with the rate in which the milk was flowing. It started to trickle down my chin. Nicole was wise to this and used the tissues to mop up the dribble as I was forced to finish the bottle.

Once my feed was complete Nicole, used the tissues to wipe me clean and then placed the bottle onto the sideboard. She returned with a box of tissues, placed them onto the feeding tray and sat back down onto the stall in front of me. "Please, let me go?" I asked Nicole again as she started to pull a generous amount of the thick white hankies from the box. Creating a thick white pad she moved it towards my face. I tried to turn away, but strapped to the high hair I was at Nicole's mercy. She started to rub the tissues around my mouth and nose. "Do you really think that we'd go to all of this trouble to simply let you go? Of course not! You my dear are here for the duration!" Nicole stated. "Mmmpphhff," I tried to respond, however, Nicole had the tissues in place to muffle my response. "Your our baby now and I can see your starting to enjoy your new role!" Nicole continued as she moved her free hand downwards and felt my nappy area. There was no denying that my penis has again grown in size, straining against the confines of the tissue filled diaper that it was held in. "Mmmppphhhffff!" I groaned as Nicole started to rub my member to excite me further. "LADIES!!!!!" Nicole called out to the others as she stopped rubbing me, but kept the tissues in place over my mouth and nose. Scarlet, Karen and Beth all entered the nursery. Karen was pushing an oversized pushchair, as she entered the room and wheeled it over towards the highchair. Then Scarlet, Karen and Beth quickly released my restraints, that were keeping me tethered to the highchair, while Nicole removed the tissues covering my mouth and nose, but quickly replaced them with a dummy gag and strapped it in place.

"Mmmppphhhff!"

I complained as the ladies moved me from the highchair onto the changing table. I tried to resist as I was dressed in a fresh pale blue onesie. However, with all four ladies in control, they were easily able to put me into my new attire. I was then lifted from the changing table and sat into the pushchair. I tried desperately to try and get up, but the ladies worked together to secure me into the chair with the restraints attached to it. I was then pushed out of the nursery, with the women all then working together to manoeuvre the pushchair (with me strapped into it,) down the stairs. "Have you got babies bag?" Nicole asked, Beth simply held up a large pink Babies bag and smiled. Nicole bent down to my eye level and looked me directly in the eyes. "Right, time for an outing darling! You better behave yourself or we're make you pay!!!!" She giggled, standing up and walking out of the front door, with Karen pushing me closely behind.

I struggled to get free as I was pushed through the village with all four ladies around me. Several people passed us but didn't seem to notice my predicament, they obviously thought I had special needs and my nurses had decided to take me with them on a outing. We finally arrived at the pub where Karen and Beth had originally picked me up. I was taken into the beer garden and pushed next to a table where all the ladies (except Scarlet) took a seat. There were a few customers enjoying the sunny afternoon and I thought that I would try and use this to my advantage and started moaning and screaming into my gag. "Mmmppphhhff, Mmmppphhhffff! I cried hoping to grab the other patrons attentions. However, Beth had prepared herself for such an act, immediately placing some tissues over my nose. With the gag in place I was forced to inhale through the tissues and was immediately hit with the special chloroform vapour held within. "Mmmppphhhffff, Mmmpphhff, mmpphhf, mmm" my cries slowly lapsed as I heard Nicole explain to a couple of other ladies, that had turned around to my cries, that she was sorry to disturb them and that I had special needs. I heard the couple reply that "it's ok" and "bless he's so cute!" Even in my now drugged haze I was mortified that I had been taken out in public and nobody seemed to realise that I was being held against my will. I tried to turn my head side to side in an effort to dislodge the tissues incasing my nose. But Beth simply followed my lame movements keeping the paper hankies in place. "There, that's better baby, isn't it?" Beth said as she smiled whilst looking into my drugged eyes.

Scarlet returned with a glass of wine for everyone (except me) and took a seat at the table. Beth removed the tissues from my nose, placing them into her handbag and the ladies started to chat as if I wasn't there. One glass of wine soon led to another, but as I was forced to sit restrained to the pushchair I started to regain a clear head. As the discussion continued Beth moved her hand to my lap and started to rub my member through the nappy. She did this discreetly (not wanting to draw attention from the other customers) but I'm sure the other ladies were aware of her actions, especially when I again started moaning into my gag as my member grew in size. "Owwww, does baby need his nosey wiped?" Scarlet teased as she removed some tissues from her handbag and again placed them over my nose. I shook my head, knowing that the tissues would be laced with the chloroform. "Mmmppphhh!" I cried, but there was nothing I could do as I was forced to inhale the vapours while Scarlet smiled wickedly at me. Beth continued to rub me and I was soon in a state of forced excitement as the tissues within my nappy were acting to pleasure me. The drugged tissues that Scarlet was using to subdue me had quietened me down. I was now only quietly murmuring into my gag as Beth continued her abuse. Nicole lent over the table "Go on then baby, do cummies for us!" She said before sitting back. I couldn't do anything but do as I was told. The vapours from the chloroform, laced in the tissues held in place by Scarlet had now fully circulated inside my body. I was at the point of no return and exploded into my nappy as Beth was relentless in her stimulation. "Good boy! Now you have a rest while the grown ups talk!" Beth said as the other ladies all laughed. Scarlet kept the tissues to my nose, but it wasn't long before I passed out.

I slowly woke up about an hour later. As I came too I realised that I was still secured to the pushchair. I was being pushed along the path within a park, but could not see any of the ladies in front of me. I started to struggle against my bonds and moan into the dummy gag "mmmmppphhhff!" I cried. The pushchair immediately stopped and Nicole walked around in front of me. Placing her handbag on my lap she had a good look around the park to ensure that she was not being watched. "Hush now Sweetie! Mummy's taking you home while your Aunties finish their drinks, it's been a long day hasn't it?" Nicole said as she reached into her handbag and pulled out a thick wad of tissues and small spray bottle. In one swift movement, she released my dummy gag and pulled it out of my mouth. I tried to call out HELmmmmppphhhhfff!" But hardly had time to get a few letters out of my mouth before Nicole had sprayed the drug into the tissues and had them clamped firmly over my mouth and nose. "Mmmppphhhffff, Mmmppphhh!" I cried as Nicole smiled. "Your mine now sweetheart, just breathe it in and it will be over much quicker!" Nicole said as she noticed me trying not to inhale the drug. As I shook my head I desperately looked for someone to help me, but the park seemed deserted. Eventually, I had to give in and breathe through the tissues. I was again hit by the now familiar vapours as they started to work their way inside of me. "Mmmppphhhffff!" I groaned as I realised I was again going to be put to sleep, or as Nicole put it "that's right darling, time for another nap!" My struggles started to slow with each breath that I was forced to take and my head started to spin. My eyes started to lose focus as Nicole continued to comfort me, "ohhh precious, that's it, go night nights so mummy can get you home and back into your nursery, I'm sure your worn out after all the excitement of today, sssssssshhhhhh, that's right let mummy look after you!" Nicole said as I lightly moaned "mm" into my gag in my last act of defiance. My eyes fluttered and then closed as I reached unconsciousness. Nicole kept the tissues in place a few moments longer, just to make sure that I was out before removing them and placing them back into her handbag with the spray bottle. She then reinserted the dummy gag and strapped it in place before continuing our trip back to her home.

I awoke in darkness strapped to the cot within the nursery, "Mmmppphhhffff!" I complained into the tissue muzzle gag that smelt of my mummy's drug and had now replaced the dummy. As I tried struggle free I felt the bulkiness of the tissue filled nappy that I had been placed in start rubbing against me. I instantly became hard as the drugs had now forced me to enjoy the feelings that I was receiving. "Mmmppphhhff, Mmmppphhhff!" I moaned into my gag, as I involuntarily continued my movements to allow me the satisfaction of the tissues rubbing against my manhood. Nicole listened intently to her captive bringing himself to a climax and smiled to herself, knowing that he was all hers.

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whillsofstars · 6 years ago

Text

Chapter 13

REY------------------------------------------------------

“Rey!” Finn called, dipping his head under the belly of a star fighter, trying his best to get a better view of her as she screwed in the last set of bolts needed to secure the main computer hatch. “Hey, Rey? Can you hear me?”

“Yeah, I can hear you,” she called turning her head away from her work, giving Finn her full attention. “What’s up?”

It had been a long day outfitting the new fighters with tracking devices, cannons, special shields, and there was still plenty more work to get done before nightfall. Rey was hoping Finn’s interruption wouldn’t take long. She wanted to finish early, leaving plenty of time to practice lightsaber stances and techniques after grabbing a quick bite to eat.

She hadn’t practiced her swordsmanship in ages and she was itching to get back at it. Her recovery had taken longer than expected, particularly the recovery from the toxin. It had weakened her quite a bit. Often, she would tire quickly and needed to rest even when performing the most basic repair work. Both Poe and Finn made sure she received the smallest projects until she was ready to handle the longer hours and more strenuous tasks.

So when Finn now slid himself closer to Rey under the y-wing she assumed that he had simply come to check on her again.

She soon learned that this was not the case.

A last minute meeting had been called by General Organa and that it would convene in the next twenty minutes. All leading commanders and a few others, including Rey, were mandated to attend.

Together, they shimmied their way out from under the star fighter and made their way across the bustling landing pad to the makeshift command center.

The room was already buzzing with anticipation before they arrived, everyone trying to see if anyone else knew something they didn’t.

No one had any intel, of course, or if they happened to know, they were waiting for the Leia to share the news instead.

Finn and Rey found Poe across the room and he ushered them over to take a seat next to him. Moments later, Rose walked in and Rey shifted over one seat to let her sit beside Finn, who beamed, clearly grateful for the gesture.

Everyone continued contributing to the chatter until Leia’s commanding presence filled the space. Silence immediately fell upon all those present, both out of respect and curiosity, as they quickly stood to acknowledge her rank.

“At ease,” she said, dismissing the small crowd with a wave of her hand. The look on her face was stone cold, perhaps to hide her true feelings.

“I suppose you’re all wondering why I’ve called you here so suddenly and without an explanation,” she said, surveying each face in the crowd. She paused momentarily on Rey before continuing.

“I’ll make this brief and get right to it,” Leia stated matter-of-factly. “We received news this morning that the First Order has issued a warrant and bounty on Kylo Ren.” Officer Connix flicked a switch and brought up a projection of Kylo Ren’s - Ben Solo’s - unmasked face along with the terms for reward should anyone bring him in. “It seems as though the First Order has denounced him as their Supreme Leader and he is currently on the run with no leads to his whereabouts.”

“Maybe the First Order got tired of fixing all the damage he does to their own ships. That one’s got a temper on him,” Finn quipped causing the room to break into quiet snickers, all except Leia and Rey. Kylo Ren’s rage was known across the galaxy, but the other side of him was missed entirely.

Leia continued to stand in silence until those present took notice and quiet returned once more.

“Funny Finn, but not exactly,” she said stiffly.

Finn shifted uncomfortably in his seat while Leia continued on. “It appears as though Kylo Ren has been charged with treason to the First Order, the crime being the murder of the late Supreme Leader Snoke.”

“I thought Jedi Rey bested old Snoke. What’s this about Kylo Ren taking him out?” said the officer who oversaw the Resistance communications technology.

Uh-oh. Now it was Rey’s turn to speak. Throughout the Resistance, everyone believed that it was she who killed him. That is, everyone but Leia and Finn believed that she has been the one to finish the job. Rey wanted her closest confidants to know the truth, but they insisted that she keep the details of what really occurred quiet. For starters, it gave her credibility with the small remnants of Resistance personnel. They all believed her to be more skilled than what she really was. It also helped that no one ever asked her to retell the story. Since she escaped the Supremacy and it was Kylo Ren who led the attack at Crait, everyone assumed Ren was out for blood following the demise of their leader’s death. In reality, Kylo had just been angry that she refused his offer.

So now, it seemed, that the time has come to set the record straight. She drew a deep breath and tried to summon what confidence she had. Rey knew the truth needed to come out, but she hoped that there would have been a chance to prove herself first.

Here goes nothing, she thought as she moved to standing to face the officer.

“I’m aware that some of you believe that Snoke died at my own hand, but I’m afraid that it is untrue,” she said as hushed murmurs began filling the silence. “Before I joined the Resistance at Crait,” she continued, “I had gone to the Supremacy trying to convince Kylo Ren to join our side - a move that would have turned the tide in this war.”

More whispers echoed throughout the room.

“But it didn’t go as planned. I was taken before Snoke and tortured. Snoke tried to get into my mind. He wanted to know where Master Skywalker was hiding.” A shiver ran down her spine at the memory of how intrusive it was to have Snoke penetrate her mind.

“When Snoke was finished, he urged Kylo Ren to kill me - to complete his training. But he didn’t. I thought he would, but he didn’t. Instead, he used a trick and put an end to Snoke instead. After that, the Raddus sped into the Supremacy, and that’s when I took my opportunity to leave.”

Now people were talking louder and more openly amongst one another. Rey could only guess what this news would mean to the people in this room. One thing was certain though: it seemed her news insighted far more questions.

Another officer, one Rey hadn’t personally met before, but had recognized as one of Leia’s top ranking officers, stood up to face Rey, “So it was just another one of those ancient ways - of the Sith, that is - where the apprentice surpasses the master to gain power?”

Being unfamiliar with Jedi tradition, let alone those of the Sith, Rey had no idea. Her lack of knowledge in this area only served to remind Rey of her shortcomings as a Jedi. “I don’t know ma’am,” she responded quietly, shifting in her stance. “I’m not familiar with the practices of the Sith. Or the Jedi.”

More murmurs. Rey wondered what they must think of her own admission of how she was not the Jedi they believed her to be. But despite how terrified she felt admitting her own shortcomings, all that mattered to Rey in this moment was the fact that Kylo was finally out of the First Order. Could this be the moment she was waiting for? Could she finally convince him to join the Resistance? She hoped so because she had an idea.

“General Organa?” she asked over the now buzzing room. When Leia nodded, granting her permission to continue, the room quieted down once more. “I think we should find him. With your permission, I would like to go to Kylo Ren and convince him to join us.”

For a long while, her proposal was met with dead silence. Silence that somehow felt so loud, that it made her chest tighten with anxiety. It didn’t help that Finn’s mouth fell agape in shock of what Rey suggested. Leia’s eyebrows shot straight up in surprise. Poe looked disgusted. She couldn’t blame him though. Poe had recounted, in detail, what it felt like to be interrogated by Kylo Ren. It was not an experience he was likely to forget or quick to forgive. Many of the others in attendance either mirrored Finn’s expression or just looked confused.

To further her point, Rey continued, “Look, I still think there is a chance that he could turn. He just got kicked out of the First Order. There’s nowhere for him to go and I’m sure he has a few scores to settle. But I know there’s still conflict in him. This could be our chance.”

As Leia gave Rey a questioning look, she was reminded that Leia never knew about the bond, and quite honestly, Rey didn’t want to share that with anyone, let alone Leia. She’d likely be seen as a liability that could compromise the Resistance’s position.

“At least he was when I went to him on the Supremacy,” she added quickly, hoping this small backtracking wouldn’t incite further questions.

Leia didn’t follow up, but it didn’t seem like she was entirely convinced either. Rey prayed that she wouldn’t pry later. After a few moments, Leia released a heavy sigh, “Your request is denied.”

While it wasn’t said, Rey had a hunch that Leia was still grieving over the loss of Han and bitter that her own son was the one to take his life. She could empathize with Leia if she wasn’t ready to face her son, but Rey also had deeper insights into Kylo’s thoughts. Killing his father hadn’t given him the power that he desired and, instead only deepened the cavern inside his soul between what he thought he desired and who he was. Who Ben Solo is.

Rey wasn’t ready to back down.

“But General, he could have inside information on the First Order that we could use. Not to mention his Force abilities,” she pressed.

She took a second to glance around the room hoping to see at least a few people who supported her, but instead every single face still wore an expression between shock and confusion.

Leia gave Rey a hard look, mirroring that of a parent too tired to continue arguing with their child. A moment later, Leia spoke, her voice adopting the tone of a true commander, and it expressed the finality of her decision. “My answer is still ‘no.’ Now is that understood, Jedi Rey?” It wasn’t a question so much as a command.

She cast her eyes down acknowledging her defeat. “Yes, General,” she muttered begrudgingly. How could Leia just leave him - her son - alone in the galaxy? Why didn’t anyone support her request?

“Good.” It was the last word Leia gave before moving their meeting ahead to other matters of importance, like the training program of new recruits.

When they were finally dismissed, Rey dashed out the door without so much as a goodbye to Poe, Finn, and Rose. She didn’t have anything to say and she just wanted to be left alone with her thoughts. She couldn’t just ignore the fact that Kylo Ren had left the First Order. He was truly alone now. This could be her best chance to find the man Ben Solo...or at least try. There was still light in him. She could sense it when they stood together in Snoke’s throne room, and she could sense it still.

It didn’t take long before her mind was made up. If she were honest with herself, it was decided the minute the news of Kylo Ren’s treason reached her ears. She knew what she had to do.

She picked up her pace until she reached her quarters. Once inside, Rey proceeded to fill her satchel with various necessities among a few more important items, being sure to take the Jedi texts, a few tools, and her lightsaber. It was likely that she wouldn’t be returning for a while, and she wanted these few items kept close. They were all she had of her time with Luke.

Before leaving, she paused and took one final scan of her space, ensuring that she hadn’t forgotten anything important. Having her concerns lifted, she made her way outside and proceeded down the corridor to where the Millennium Falcon lay waiting.

She was careful not to let anyone see her on the way to the Falcon. With a packed bag slung across her shoulder, it would raise anyone’s suspicions as to what she was up to: desertion being one of them, but more importantly, ignoring strict orders from leadership. If she could just get to The Falcon and silently make all the preparations necessary for the trip, it’s likely people would only realize what was happening when the engines kicked in for take off.

Checking the time, it appeared as though luck was on her side. Currently, the last meal of the day was being served in the mess hall, which meant the landing pad was quite vacant and that allowed Rey to reach The Falcon without any delay.

She immediately got to work once she reached the entrance ramp and deposited her small collection of belongings safely into the co-pilot’s chair.

After doing a few routine checks to the Falcon’s power converter and cooling system, Rey decided to look over the hyperdrive, remembering that it had likely not had a thorough examination in years. Everything seemed to be in working order, or at least usable order. Rey deemed the ship ready for takeoff.

She made her way through the small corridor that lead to the ship’s cockpit trying to shake the feeling that she had forgotten something when suddenly, she stopped dead in her tracks. Her breath caught momentarily in her throat and words escaped her as she locked eyes with the man before her.

There, filling the space in the captain’s chair, waited Finn. On his face was an expression of disappointment, concern, and confusion. Of the three, disappointment was the most prominent. After her ill-received proposal this morning, Rey was certain that he knew where she was headed.

They took each other in for a few moments, the gravity of the situation settling in before Finn broke their silence. “Rey, don’t do this,” he pleaded, his deep voice even.

Kriff. She didn’t want to have this conversation with him. Not with one of the very few people she could trust. It was clear that Finn held no faith in Kylo Ren joining their forces - she’s sure no one did. But she couldn’t give up on the idea. Not yet.

“Finn, I know what you’re thinking, but I have to-”

“You don’t have to do anything,” he said cutting her off. “Rey, he’s had several chances to do the right thing and every time he still chose the First Order. The darkside. His chances have run out.”

Growing more and more frustrated with each passing second, Rey rebutted, “You don’t know that. I saw-”

“I saw first hand what he’s capable of and what kind of person he is. I was in the First Order with him longer than you have known him. Kylo Ren is vicious and will not hesitate to remove anything or anyone that stands in his way. Some people cannot be changed, Rey, no matter how badly you want them to.”

Rey could hear the pain in his voice. She knew Finn spoke from experience. She know that he was only looking out for her. She could feel his concern, his plea. She could feel the pain of his experiences, experiences he had chosen to shield from the rest of the world. She wished that he had not come. Disappointing Finn was the last thing she wanted to do. Still, she needed to go. She needed to try for herself so that her conscious would be settled.

She had to level with him. “That may be true, but I need to try Finn.”

“Rey, what is this about?” he questioned, still in disbelief that she was actually considering finding Kylo Ren. “Why do you want to find him so badly? Nothing good can come of this.”

“It might,” she said stiffly.

“Rey, what’s this about? I noticed you took the Jedi texts,” he said motioning to the satchel filling the co-pilot’s seat. “What is it you’re not telling me?”

Rey didn’t say anything. She didn’t exactly want to tell Finn of the bond she and Kylo shared. She feared he wouldn’t understand.

Finn stood up and approached her. “Rey. You’re my best friend,” he coaxed. “We’ve seen each other through so much since you hit me over the head with your staff on Jakku.”

Rey couldn’t help by chuckle at the memory. Finn always had a knack for lightening the mood.

“Whatever it is you’re going through, you can tell me,” he insisted.

She shifted her gaze outside as she considered his words. More and more, the base was coming back to life, which meant that the evening meal was wrapping up and she was running out of time.

Maybe it was the sincerity in his voice or the reminder of what they’ve been through, but she sensed that Finn would keep her secrets. Well, here goes nothing, she thought.

“Fine,” she said, caving in, “but I’m going to make this quick. I don’t have much time.”

“Fine,” he said echoing her response. ” What’s going on?”

“I had a vision that he would turn. That he would stand with us when the time came,” she confessed as the words began to spill out of her. “It was as solid and clear as you and I talking now. I believed he would turn when I went to him on the Supremacy.” She paused to study the bewildered expression on his face. His mouth was full lips were slightly agape and his eyes only saw Rey. Truly, he was hanging on every word she spoke. “But I know now that it was too soon so I waited. Why else would I have this vision if it wouldn’t come true?” It was more a question for herself than it was for Finn. Rey was still, in part, trying to determine if visions were absolutes or if they could be changed.

Finn shifted his stance and pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a moment to compose himself. Rey could sense that he was trying to choose his words carefully. “And you believe that the time is now?”

“Yes,” she said hesitantly, though once the word had escaped her lips, the confidence of her decision solidified.

Now it was Finn’s turn to sigh. He turned to stare at the landing platform, putting a hand over his mouth as he processed what she had just revealed. With a final heave of his shoulders, he turned back to face her. “Are you sure about this?”

“Yes.” And she was.

He nodded his head accepting her affirmation.

“Then I’m coming with you.”

“No! Finn, this is something I have to do on my own,” she said, surprised at his offer.

“I’m not letting you go near that monster alone,” he countered. “Ren is too dangerous.”

“Finn, I’ll be fine,” she encouraged. “Besides, I’m a Jedi after all.” Her words felt like a lie.

Finn wasn’t entirely convinced either. “You’re still in training, Rey,” he said pointedly.

Ouch. That hurt, but he wasn’t wrong.

“Finn, you can’t come with me. This is something I have to do on my own.”

He seemed to take the hint. With one final look outside to the platform, he shook his head and threw up his hands in defeat. “Okay, fine,” he said. “But I’m giving you five days to get back here before we come looking for you, and before you object,” he said hurriedly seeing Rey beginning to refuse his terms, “it’s to make sure you do come back. I’m not going to lose you.”

“Fine.” Rey could agree with that. How could she argue with her friend who really was concerned for her safety? Noticing even more people filtering onto the platform, she knew her opportunity was nearly gone. “I have to get going.”

Finn looked back over his shoulder and nodded in agreement. “I know,” he said softly, taking a few steps forward while reaching into his coat pocket. Then, he reached for her hand and gently placed a small device into her palm. It was the same tracker Rey was given when she went to train with Luke.

“Just take this with you,” he said as his large hands encouraged her fingers to fold over the device.

“Thank you, Finn.”

“Just come back to us,” he said pulling her into one of his great hugs. She couldn’t help but smile. Finn was a good man and an even better friend.

“I will,” she promised, and she meant it.

He gave one final squeeze for good measure before letting go and slowly made his way out of the Falcon. Before he left for good, he turned around and gave Rey a hard look, “Rey, be careful. Watch yourself.”

“I will.”

He nodded, and without a word he left.

As soon as Finn moved a safe distance away, Rey began charging the engines. They roared to life as if begging to make the jump to lightspeed. When they were finally ready, she left Kashyyyk, taking off as fast as she could until finally reaching the black, vastness of space.

Now the hard part came. She didn’t know the first place to look for Kylo. No information of his whereabouts was shared in their meeting early today. She had nothing to go on.

She pulled up the holopad and scrolled the newscasts praying that at least one person had spotted him. Nothing.

Well, this is off to a great start, she thought, becoming more discouraged with each passing minute.

Okay, if I were Kylo Ren, where would I go? She knew that she was grasping at thin air. Rey really had no idea and the minutes continued to tick by with every quess she tried to make.

She was wasting valuable time.

“Your presence in the Force is strong. Others like us could find you given enough time to meditate,” a distant memory echoed.

“The Force!” Rey said out loud. That’s right! If Kylo could find her through the Force, like he did on Kashyyyk, maybe she could do the same. Why didn’t she think of this sooner?

She immediately shut her eyes and exhaled the air from her lungs, making sure the inhale was slower like Luke had instructed. She let go of any thoughts swirling in her mind, letting her mind go blank.

While it took some time (it was more difficult without the plant life on Ahch-To), she eventually found a connection to the Force. Letting it flow through her, she enjoyed the oddly familiar sensation it brought, until she was finally ready to begin looking for his presence.

If what Kylo had said about her Force signature appearing as a bright light was true, maybe his was also. After all, Kylo Ren was the only strong Force-user in the galaxy that she knew of. Concentrating as hard as she could, Rey projected her conscience out and began looking for his light.

“Please let me see him,” she whispered almost inaudibly, like a prayer leaving her lips. “Let me find him.”

She waited a few moments hoping something would happen. Then, slowly, a light started to grow. She began to focus all of her mental energy on that one small speck of light and within a few moments, her mind’s eye was filled with light before a flash of a craggy island surrounded by a restless sea flooded her vision. She could feel the wind rip across her face and the smell of the salt in the waves. And just as quickly as it had come, the island vanished.

“Ahch-to,” she breathed opening her eyes, once again, to meet the dark expanse of space. “He’s on Ahch-to!”

It worked! She chuckled to herself in disbelief. She found him. She had called upon the Force and she found him. Maybe she could do this. Maybe she was cut out to be a Jedi after all.

Pushing all thoughts aside, Rey wasted no time and punched in the coordinates. the Falcon responded immediately and with another flash of light, Rey made the jump to lightspeed.

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supervalor · 7 years ago

Text

All The Stars - Chapter Two

Title: All The Stars

Pairings: Karamel, eventual AgentReign, Guardiancorp.

Chapter: 2/?

Previous: 1,

Next: 3, 4

Chapter under the cut.

Chapter Two

After a long talk with Lena and a quick chat with James, Kara had been offered her job back at Catco. She’d returned to her apartment relieved that her job was still hers but anxious at how she was supposed to balance being a reporter, a superhero and in time, a mom. She remembered Alex’s reassurance that she wasn’t alone and she had people that would help her which made the anxiety dim a little.

On her way back to the apartment, Alex had rung and informed her that the group was going to the bar that night to celebrate her engagement and she was welcomed to join them if she was up for it. Kara’s first instinct was to avoid but she didn’t want to disappoint her sister. Before making a decision one way or another, the blonde decided that it was time to confront her ghosts, mainly Mon-El.

That was how she found herself sitting on her sofa with a roll of pictures taken of her and Mon-El in the booth at the bar months ago. Her eyes locked onto her past self and felt envious of the sheer happiness and love that shone through her blue eyes. Kara remembered how she had felt then with Mon-El’s arms around her. It had been the careless kind of happiness that she had always seen but never experienced for herself until Mon-El. Her heart hurt as she looked at the loved up expression on his face and her thumb stroked over his picture as if her touch could make him suddenly appear for real.

“You would have been such a good father”, Kara told the picture softly as though he could hear her. She began picturing Mon-El running after a little boy who looked just like him and felt a pang of longing for what could have been if she hadn’t chosen to put the rest of the world before her own happiness…and Mon-El’s safety. “Why couldn’t things be different?” she questioned as her eyes shone with tears.

As she stared at the photograph, Kara realised that she had two options. Either she could stay there and cry over Mon-El forever or she could join the others at the bar and begin living again. Sitting around and moping over what she couldn’t change was not going to help her situation, nor would it make a good life for her baby and the others, they were still here and waiting for her. Mon-El, as much as she missed him, wasn’t and she couldn’t do this alone.

With a sad, wistful smile, Kara put the photograph away in the box of things that she had pulled out to remember him by. She quickly changed out of her comfortable clothes into something more suitable for the bar before flying over. When she walked into the bar, her eyes roamed the room until she spotted her friends and Alex sitting at a large table near the back. Taking a deep breath, Kara walked over to them and immediately her sister pulled her into a hug upon seeing her.

“I’m so glad that you came”, she whispered into her ear before pulling away and allowing the others to greet her with grins and cheers. As the group descended into conversation, Kara felt lighter than she had in a long time. Maybe she would never be like Clark or the others who would never be able to make the kind of sacrifices she had made but she was still Kara Danvers and she still had her family. She wasn’t going to spend any more time distancing herself because it hurt less.

“Hi Clark, I’m glad you picked up”.

The next morning found Kara sitting alone at her kitchen table with her cell phone held against her ear. She had already phoned Eliza the night before when she got home from the bar and told her about the baby. Now she wanted to ring her cousin and fill him in as she didn’t want him to be the completely last person to know.

“Kara, hey, how are you doing?” Clark’s voice was full of concern for her. Alex had been keeping him to up to date on how she was handling things and she knew her sister must have told him how she’d been behaving recently. “I saw what you did yesterday. Great job getting rid of that nuke”.

Kara’s stomach swirled as she felt what she now knew to be morning sickness flare up. She had already puked up three times already. Now she’d just eaten some cereal for her breakfast and she wanted to throw it back up again. Morning sickness sucked. “Thanks cous. I’m actually calling you because there’s something that I need to tell you. And it’s big, like really big”.

“What’s going on?” She pictured Clark’s frown as he tried to make his best guesses as to what was up with her. She knew none of them would probably be even remotely close.

“I found something out yesterday. I don’t know if you saw me faint after I got rid of the nuke but-“

“You fainted?!” Kara could clearly hear the alarm in his voice.

“Yeah. Well at least the news didn’t get to capture that, thank goodness. Anyway J’onn took me back to the DEO and they ran some tests and well…well it turns out that I’m pregnant”.

There was silence from the end of line as her cousin digested her news. “Is it Mon-El’s?” he asked finally. Kara rolled her eyes so hard that they almost got stuck in her skull.

“Well considering there’s been no one else…yes”.

“Do you want me to come down? I can go pack some things and come stay with you for a while”.

“I’m fine. You should stay with Lois and keep guard over Metropolis. They need you more than I do. Alex will keep watch over me, don’t worry”.

“You better call me if you need anything or if you change your mind”, Clark ordered in his Superman voice, making her smirk slightly.

“I’ll call. Give Lois my love”.

After hanging up, Kara ran to the toilet and threw up the contents of her breakfast, resigning herself to the fact that she probably wasn’t going to be able to eat much outside of crackers and dry biscuits for her breakfast for the foreseeable future.

After finally managing to get something down her that wouldn’t – hopefully – come back up, Kara dressed for the day in a smart blouse and trousers, something that she probably wouldn’t be able to keep wearing for much longer. Pushing the thought out her mind, she put her blonde hair up into a professional bun before lifting her bed up to pull out a pair of comfortable shoes. As she did, Kara’s eyes landed on a copy of Romeo and Juliet that she didn’t remember buying.

Frowning, she put the shoes to one side and picked up the copy of Romeo and Juliet to flick through it. Her heart stopped when she looked at the notes written across the margins and recognised the familiar handwriting as Mon-El’s. He’d annotated and written notes across most of the pages but her eyes stopped when they saw her name written in capital letters with a circle around one of the lines: the brightness of her cheek would shame those stars.

Kara took a deep breath and forced herself to close the book. She didn’t have time to lose herself in memories and pushed the book back under her bed where she had found it. Sliding on her shoes, she walked out of the apartment and locked the door, determined to put all her energy into work and Supergirl.

On her way to work, Kara quickly stopped off to buy Lena a ‘welcome to Catco’ gift in the form of a smart, black leather organiser. She owed her friend that much after she had distanced herself so much from her and everybody over the last month or so. When she arrived in the office, she spotted James already in the editor’s office frowning at Lena. “Lena!” she called her new boss’s name and interrupted whatever conversation the two had been in the middle of. “Welcome to Catco!” she handed her the organiser with a warm smile.

A dimple creasing smile broke out on the pretty CEO’s face. “You didn’t have to do that”.

“It’s a Danvers family tradition. First day of school you get a planner”, Kara gestured to the organiser.

“Well it’s lovely. In the Luthor house on the first day we would hire a private investigator to make sure our teacher’s credentials were up to date”.

Both Kara and James forced out an awkward laugh at that little snippet of Lena’s childhood.

The tall man shot a small frown in her direction as he turned to her. “So Kara you knew that Ms Luthor would be here today?”

“Yes, she texted me this morning”.

James glanced at both women in surprise. Clearly he hadn’t received a text, Kara noticed and wondered why he seemed to have a problem with Lena’s presence.

Lena shot him an apologetic look. “I should have communicated more clearly, Mr Olsen. I’m sorry it won’t happen again”.

After James and Lena began a discussion on where she would work – somehow Kara didn’t think it was the lack of office space that was her friend’s real issue here – her phone began to beep, catching her attention. She wondered if it was the DEO and immediately turned to look at just as Lena began to speak to her.

“Kara, do you think you could get me the dossier on the Edge investigation, please?”

“Err, there’s actually something I have to deal with. Can I get it for you later, is that okay?”

Lena seemed taken aback by the question but said “sure, sure, yeah”.

“Sorry”, she apologised as she began to scurry out of the office, leaving the two alone once again. Kara quickly went home and changed into her Supergirl outfit before flying off to the DEO where everyone was already gathered, including Maggie. “What was the general alert for?” Kara questioned as she strode towards the main control panel.

Winn frowned at her sudden appearance. “Wait you get the general alerts? That just for the analysts I think”.

“I had them add me to the distro list”. Alex glared at her sister pointedly. “I want to know what’s going on with the city at all times”.

“Detective Sawyer brought this in this morning, Mr Schott?” J’onn turned to Winn.

“Yeah, well, we analysts thought we might be able to see something the cops didn’t”.

“She hit two banks back-to-back”, Maggie informed Kara.

“Where are the guards?”

“Unconscious on the floor”, Alex answered as they watched the screen with the CCTV footage playing from the bank robbery.

“Any leads on how she took them out?”

“Oh we thought it might be gas”, Winn started before Maggie finished his sentence.

“But toxicity came back negative”.

J’onn added, “According to reports, she walked right in the front door. No weapons of any kind. Everyone just cleared out of her way and let her take whatever she wanted”.

Suddenly Winn stood up and moved to the computers. “Woah, we’ve got a silent alarm tripped at 25 and Cedar”.

Kara glared at the footage that played out on the screen. “Looks like that’s our new friend”. She took off at full super speed without bothering to wait for back up since the woman looked mostly harmless and anything she could do, probably wouldn’t affect Kara since she wasn’t human.

As soon as she arrived in the bank vault, Kara knew that the blonde woman had sensed her. “I’ve got you cornered”, she warned in case the blonde thought to try anything.

“Do you?” she retorted coldly and continued to slip money into her bag.

Kara frowned at the woman’s self-assurance and stepped forward. “What did you do to them up there?” she wondered what the woman could do that made her feel like she stood a chance against Supergirl.

The woman turned to look at her with an affronted look. “I only wanted to play but they didn’t want to play with me”.

“Well you’re not getting away with it”.

“Oh”, the woman smiled condescendingly as though Kara was just a silly little girl. “You think you’re the cat and I’m the bird”. Kara watched with disbelief as the woman zipped up the bag full of money. “You got it backwards. You could join me. Maybe then you’d be happy”.

Kara did not like the knowing look on the woman’s face. Her stomach stirred with nausea but she fought to keep it from showing on her face.

“You see money equals happiness”, the blonde continued, thankfully oblivious to Kara’s sudden desire to throw up. She wanted to curse at herself for the crappy timing of her pregnancy symptom. “More money, more happiness”.

“Your priorities are seriously out of whack”, Kara returned, ignoring the voice in her head that whispered ‘hypocrite’.

“Huh, I know right?” The meta-human snorted out a laugh.

Kara didn’t really see what was so funny. “Put the bag down”, she ordered, wiping the smile from the woman’s face. She sighed before staring at Kara with a look of hard concentration.

As she stepped forwards and continued glaring at her, Kara suddenly felt like her entire world had been knocked sideways. She almost fell back as she suddenly found her surroundings morph and change until she was in a lab with a tray of medical equipment placed out in front of her. Kara suddenly found it hard to breathe as she stepped backwards into the bank lockers and the scene began to change again so that she was now floating in space. She saw the sun slowly edging towards her in her peripheral vision and felt her head began to drip with sweat that she normally didn’t produce. She felt struck with terror and her hands fell to her stomach protectively.

Kara was stuck in that state until she suddenly came out of it gasping as she slid to the floor as Maggie stormed in, dressed in her police uniform and ran towards her with a worried look on her face.

“It’s okay, it’s okay”, she cooed to Kara as she struggled to catch her breath, suffering what most people would call an anxiety attack. When she had calmed down, she shakily allowed Maggie to escort her back to the DEO where her sister almost immediately dragged her off to the med bay for a check-up. For once in her life, Kara didn’t complain or protest which was another sign to Alex that her sister wasn’t okay.

Kara sat on a bed as Alex got a scanner and began to run it over her sister’s body. She would have to do an ultrasound to make sure that her baby was one hundred percent okay but a scan would suffice for now. “You’re vitals are coming up normal”, Winn told them as he looked at the results on his tablet.

“What about the baby? Is the baby okay?” That was all Kara cared about. She felt fine but what did she know about being pregnant?

“From what I can tell everything looks fine but you’ll have to let Alex give you another ultrasound later”, Winn assured and patted her lightly on the shoulder.

“None of the human victims remember what happened in there. Do you?” Maggie questioned her.

“I don’t know. I felt like the walls of the vault were closing in on me”, and she had felt terrified, more than she had ever felt in her life but she kept that thought to herself. “It was like I was suffocating”.

Alex looked at her with concern. “Sounds like she made you feel claustrophobic”.

“Claustrophobia is a human problem”, Kara retorted dismissively.

“You used to have episodes like that all the time when you first came to Earth”.

Kara wouldn’t hear of it. She wasn’t weak, she could defend herself and her unborn child. She was stronger than a human or the fragile child that had first landed on a strange planet. “That was a long time ago. We need to figure out who she is and how we track”. She almost walked right into J’onn after getting off the bed, heading towards the door. He blocked her way.

“Well at the moment you’re our best clue”.

J’onn’s eyes flashed red as he stared at Kara.

“What are you doing?” Alex asked as she recalled that J’onn wasn’t supposed to be capable of reading a Kryptonian mind.

Winn voiced the same thought out loud. “Wait, I thought you couldn’t read Kryptonian minds?”

“I can’t but I can scan her mind for residual psychic activity”.

“Just remind me to get you a world’s best boss mug”, the tech guy quipped.

“She’s definitely a psychic but she’s not like me. There are traces of a particular type of psionic interference in your mind, the type only used by metahumans”.

“Okay well I’ll start combing through the metahuman database”, Winn volunteered and left the room.

“In the meantime I’ll start monitoring potential targets for unusual activity”, J’onn said as Kara turned her back on the room and began walking out.

She stopped and leant against the doorway. “If we locate her, I’ll take her down”.

Alex stared at her incredulously “It’s not safe”. She looked pointedly at Kara’s belly but the blonde ignored the look. She knew what she was getting into and the baby was perfectly okay after the blonde’s attack. There was no way she was staying out of it.

“She caught me off guard last time. It’s not going to happen again”, Kara stated firmly before walking away before anyone could try to argue with her further.

After leaving the DEO, Kara went home to quickly change back into her work clothes before flying back to Catco. As she stepped out of the elevator, she ran into James and surprised him with that she was running late for a meeting that Lena had called and he had known nothing about. It was after he had admitted that Lena hadn’t told him about this meeting that the woman in question showed up.

“Kara, there you are”, she greeted with a large smile as the dark blonde reporter immediately began to whistle off apologies, realising that she had missed the meeting.

James shot Lena an accusing look. “Was it a good meeting, was it good?”

The woman smiled innocently. “Yeah I was just going around to all the departments giving them a little pep talk”, she then turned to Kara. “I really missed you there”.

Right at that second Kara’s phone began to go off. “Shoot!” she scrambled to grab it out of her bag. “I have to take this”, she walked away with the phone pressed to her ear, oblivious to the look that Lena was giving her. As she got into the elevator she listened as Winn filled her in on the psychic’s location. Kara quickly changed into her Supergirl gear before flying off to the basement parking lot where she found her with a bag in hand. As soon as the woman spotted her, she dropped the bag.

While she confronted the metahuman, J’onn tried to read her mind but ended up on the other end of the mental assault and leaving Kara vulnerable to her attacks. Immediately Kara found herself on the ground with visions of her mother sending her away from Krypton filling her vision as she trembled against the concrete floor.

Just as she found herself staring out of her pod, once again heading towards the sun, Alex’s voice pulled her out of it. “Supergirl!” she rolled over and awoke with a gasp, her hands on her chest as it raced faster than the Flash.

Realising that the criminal had vanished while she was incapacitated, she forced herself back to the DEO where Alex had threatened her with more scans and an actual ultrasound this time.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t hold her off”, J’onn said to her as he joined her at the main control table with Alex on her other side. “She’s more powerful than any psychic I’ve ever encountered”.

“What happened this time?” Alex wanted to know. This woman had to be powerful if she had gotten the best of Kara for a second time and Alex didn’t like the thought of that one bit.

“It was the same as before”, she lied as her sister stared at her as though she could see right through her. She probably could. She always did seem to know when Kara was lying to her or to herself.

“I’ve got our girl!” Kara had never been so grateful for Winn than in that moment when he interrupted with his trusty tablet in hand. "Gayle Marsh, law abiding citizen of Skokie, Illinois until one day she snapped and went on a bank robbing spree”.

J’onn moved close to the screen as Winn used the tablet to load the information on Gayle so that everyone could see it. “Uh let’s see…the authorities nicknamed her “Psi” after a string of psychologically-enhanced robberies which ravaged a series of small town banks throughout the midwest a couple of months ago”.

After Winn offered to adapt their psychic dampening technology as a tool to stop Gayle and Alex decided to check if there were any more witness reports at the precinct, Kara dragged Winn to one of the empty training rooms to talk. “This is very covert ops”, he commented as she shut the door so that they would have complete privacy. “What’s up?”

“I know how she’s doing it”, Kara blurted out. “I felt her this time, she’s targeting people’s fear”.

Her friend looked at her confused. “How…how do you know that?”

Kara glanced down for a moment before she confessed to Winn what she hadn’t even told Alex. “I saw my mother. I saw…Krypton…explode”, her voice broke as she relived the memories. “I relived my last moments there. And then being stuck floating through space for so long knowing I could never have my life back. Psi put me back in that pod… completely trapped and alone, it was so quiet. Silence was the worst part. I felt completely cut off from everyone and everything I’ve ever known”.

There was a moment of quiet as though Kara had just begun to realise that she was spilling her heart to her best friend. “We have to stop her, Winn”, she said in a voice much different to the one she had been using as she spoke of her memories.

Winn looked at her with a devastated look over her re-lived trauma. “You should tell J’onn and Alex”, he spoke in a soft voice.

She immediately shook her head. “No, they can’t know, they’ll just worry. You have to be the one to solve this, it’s why I’m telling you. You’re already altering the psychic dampeners right? This will help”.

“Well yeah”, he agreed. “Knowing that it targets fear centres, sure”.

“Good”. Then her cell phone began to ring and interrupted anything more Winn might want to say. “Sorry, hang on. It’s Lena, I’ve gotta go”.

“Hey”, Winn reached out and touched her shoulder. “I’m…I’m sorry that this is happening”, he looked at her with compassion, knowing he wouldn’t like to be reliving his own traumatic memories all over again in great detail. “If…I-“

“I’ll be fine”, she insisted before swooping away to change into her civilian clothes.

Her next meeting with Lena did not end so well. After she kept brushing off Lena and her duties to Catco, her boss finally called her out on it, on her distracted behaviour work wise and reminded her that didn’t spend seven hundred and fifty million dollars on a company as a favour to a friend or planned to be an absentee landlord. She had an active investment in Catco and she wanted to get everything she could out of it as possible.

Feeling put in her place and ashamed for her behaviour, especially since it wasn’t as if Lena knew she was Supergirl, she promised to get in touch with her contact at the bank. Speaking of which, just as she was getting into the elevator, she got a call from Alex informing her that Psi had hit another bank. “I’m on my way”, she replied and ripped open her shirt.

As the doors shut, Kara felt herself begin to have a panic attack. The walls of the elevator began to close in on her and she felt her chest begin to tighten. It was getting harder and harder to breath. She tried to take a deep breath but it didn’t work. Finally, out of desperation, she ended up ripping out of her clothes and flying directly through the ceiling, hoping that she’d be able to find a good way to explain that later.

“Supergirl?” Alex’s voice came through the comm as she levitated above the clouds.

“I’m okay”, she huffed out, inhaling as much of the fresh air as she possibly could. “I’m headed there now”.

“She got away”, her sister told her and Kara could have screamed.

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. No sign of any psychic intrusion”, Winn informed her after she came into the DEO to be checked over. She had been positive that Psi had somehow got into her head while she was in the elevator and used her distraction to escape. However when she got there and had the tech guy look over her, he had found absolutely nothing wrong with her.

She scowled in surprise. “What?!” There had to have been something wrong. Supergirl didn’t just randomly have panic attacks.

“I think you just had a good old fashioned panic attack”.

“That’s not possible”, she refuted. “No, I’m stronger than that”.

“Look she got into your head, okay? You know she’s forcing you to live through some serious trauma. It’s going to take a toll on anyone, I don’t care if you’re the strongest person in the world”.

Alex came in the room and the conversation died as Kara quickly made an excuse to leave. She went back to her apartment, desperate for some time alone to think or even meditate to some of her planets old prayers. She changed into some comfortable clothes and was sitting in front of her coffee table reciting a mantra to Rao in Kryptonian. That was how Alex found her when she walked into the apartment.

“What are you doing?”

“It’s Kryptonian meditation. We say an ancient mantra to help strengthen the mind”.

It didn’t take long before Alex confessed that she’d made Winn tell her about their conversation. Including about what Kara had been going through. “I didn’t want you to worry”, she said when Alex demanded to know why she hadn’t told her.

“You fight the most dangerous creatures and people in the world. I’m always going to worry”, she pointed out logically.

“I don’t know how to fight this one”, Kara confessed, something she hadn’t wanted to admit to anyone including herself out of fear of appearing weak. “And I should be able to stop her but then she makes her way into my mind…its torture. I don’t know how to deal with that”.

To her relief, Alex didn’t look at her as though she was weak, just with sympathy and concern. “By remembering that your fears don’t define you” the older Danvers told her softly. “You know who you are as Supergirl, who you are as Kara, that’s what defines you. And she’s got nothing on that”.

“No, who I am as Kara feels broken”, Kara thought of her baby, the precious life she had made with Mon-El that he would never know about, about how she’d been forced to send Mon-El off into the unknown forever and never know what happened to him. About having to always put her duty as Supergirl and the protector of Earth before anything else. She didn’t even want to think about a day where she might have to make a choice between the Earth and her child.

“I lost Mon-El. I’m having his baby that he’ll never know about, Lena keeps asking me where I’m going which is new and horrible. Alex, I’m trying to be myself again” and she was but with everything that had changed, it was hard to remember just who that was. The Kara she remembered had been happy, she’d adored being Supergirl and she loved her job as a reporter, viewed it as equally important to her duty as Supergirl, never needed to lie to Lena or flake on her, hadn’t needed to make a heartbreaking and impossible choice. “But everything that used to make me feel good, like, like a relief is…it’s disappeared”.

Alex had sat quietly, listening to her and not interrupting once. “It’s not always gonna to feel like that. I promise”.

“My life as Supergirl is the one thing I can count on”, not even this baby she was having- that still hadn’t really sunk in was a thing yet, felt like a tangible thing that would last. Kara felt like it was almost inevitable that she would have to face losing that too. “I can go out there and help people. I can make a difference in the world. I can feel strong even though a huge part of me feels so weak and she’s taking that away from me. And if I don’t have Supergirl, what do I have?”

“You got me”, Alex reminded her. “And that kid of yours eventually”.

Kara smiled sadly. “I know that, silly”.

The two sisters chuckled lightly before Alex shuffled forwards and the two hugged. For the first time in a while, in that moment, Kara didn’t feel like she was so alone.

Kara had just made herself and Alex two cups of fresh lemonade when the call went out that Psi was out causing havoc in a busy area that had a construction site nearby to boot. Alex set off to get geared up with the other DEO Agents while Kara changed into her costume and flew off to the DEO to check in with Winn. She then headed to the location that Gayle had been spotted at. She arrived just in time to stop a bulldozer from falling onto a mother and her daughter, quickly carrying it away from them. She put it gently down onto the ground before storming off to find Psi.

It didn’t take long. She saw her casually strolling down the street with her bags of cash and Kara didn’t spare a moment before turning on psionic inhibitor that Winn had given to her beforehand. However when Psi saw Kara and sent a psychic attack her way, the Kryptonian immediately stumbled back.

“Ladybird, ladybird fly away home”, Psi taunted as she approached Supergirl, who immediately turned the inhibitor back on. “Your house is on fire and your children, they will burn”.

Kara resisted the urge to touch her stomach protectively. She had to concentrate on her enemy and she couldn’t expose her vulnerability. Before she could do anything against Psi, the woman attacked her again but with a more powerful blast that sent her flying through the air and past several buildings, knocking the bricks of some of them as she hit them along the way. Kara fell onto some stone steps outside of one building and immediately began gasping as a fresh panic attack began to build, visions beginning to cloud her mind.

As Kara began to come out of the psychic induced visions, a wave of devastation hit her entire body as her blue eyes glazed with tears. “He’s dead”.

Alex was quick to find her and ran to her side. “Kara, hey it’s me. It’s okay, you’re okay”, she grabbed her arm and tried to get her sister to look at her but she was lost in her grief.

“I killed him”, her mouth trembled and her body shook as she realised what the visions actually meant. They weren’t memories. They were her worst fear. It wasn’t her in the pod floating in space…it was Mon-El. “It’s him in the pod, not me”.

Realisation lit up Alex’s face as she cottoned on to what Kara was talking about. “Mon-El?”

“I killed him!” tears dripped down her cheeks as the words came out. “I killed him, it was me”, she sniffed as the tears continued to fall. “He’s dead. He’s dead”, she gasped through broken cries. “I know he’s dead, I know it! If he were alive we would have heard from him. We would have gotten a message. He died in the pod. I put him in there and he died! He’ll never know our baby because of me!”

Alex’s heart broke for her sister. There was no way she could keep watching her sister go on like this. “Kara, he’s not dead!” Alex hoped that she was right since she had no way of knowing for sure but she had to believe that there was hope.

“I killed him, I killed him, I killed him!”

“He is not dead!” she repeated more firmly over Kara’s wails. “He is alive! Okay? I know it! I don’t know where, I don’t know how, I just know he’s alive. You saved him. Just like your mom saved you when she put you in that pod. She knew you were gonna be okay, she knew you were gonna live. Mon-El is alive because of you”.

Thankfully Kara seemed to be listening as her tears had slowly begun to reside as her eyes met Alex’s own brown ones that were filled with her belief and sincerity. “I saved him?”

Alex nodded with a smile. “Yeah”.

Somehow, after that conversation, Kara managed to find the strength to get back up and face off with Psi one final time. This time Kara won, she had faced her fear, confronted it and now Psi had no control over her. When it was all over, Kara immediately flew home and fell to sleep for a few hours, completely exhausted from the fight and everything she’d been through the past day or so.

Later that evening, Kara got dressed and actually managed to complete her work for Lena and Catco. She headed over to the office and was grateful that Lena was still there. She sheepishly walked over as Lena looked up from the desk she was standing in front of it. “So I got in touch with your contact at the bank and he’ll be a great source on edge”.

“I’m glad it was valuable”, Lena answered coolly, her face completely neutral.

Kara folded her arms awkwardly as she thought of what to say to her friend and boss. She picked up a Rubik's cube and started fiddling with it. “Err…I think I need to apologise for my behaviour earlier”.

The other woman stared at her, saying nothing.

“You were right. I have a lot more baggage about Mon-El than I previously thought. It’s not knowing what happened to him that’s the hardest”.

Almost at once, Lena’s icy façade broke. “I know it can’t be easy”.

“You were just trying to be a good friend to me and I bit your head off”.

“This is new for me too”, Lena said softly.

“Working with friends?”

The dark haired woman smiled at her. “No having friends”. Both women chuckled. “Luthors don’t have friends, we have minions. And also I think there’s gonna be a learning curve for both jobs”.

“No, Lena. You were a really good friend and a great boss. Honestly”.

“Thank you” Lena took a look around the office before smiling slyly at Kara. “I’d really like to give you a hug but I’m afraid I’d show favouritism”.

“Err, screw that, come here, bring it in,” Kara ordered and the two of them immediately embraced. They pulled away as the elevator dinged.

“Oh wait, there’s actually someone I really want you to meet”, Lena waved over a pretty brunette woman that stepped out of the elevator dressed in a sharp black suit. Kara recognised her as the mother that she’d rescued with the kid from the bulldozer earlier that day. “I’m so glad you could make it!”

“Thank you so much for being so understanding”, the woman said to Lena who waved off her thanks.

“Oh god please no, I’m no stranger to family drama.” She then turned to the reporter. “Oh erm, Kara, this is Samantha Arias. She’s going to be taking over for me at L-Corp”.

Kara glanced over at her with surprise. “That’s great! It’s lovely to meet you Miss Arias”.

“Please it’s just Sam”, Sam told her as they shook hands.

“Okay!”

After leaving Catco, Kara went over to the DEO to have a quick ultrasound with Alex to double check that Psi hadn’t actually managed to damage the baby. A quick check confirmed that the little Daxtonian was in good health, probably taking after both parents with the superhuman abilities including healing and strength. “Great, that’s going to hurt when it starts kicking”, Kara complained as Alex turned off the machine.

“Well at least you have super healing”, her sister smirked.

“There is that”, Kara smiled. “Hey Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“You were great today…with me, when I was having that break down. You’ll be an amazing mother someday whenever you and Maggie decide to have them”.

For some reason, Kara’s comment wiped the smile from Alex’s face. She sat up as soon as she registered that something was up with her sister. “Hey, is something wrong?”

“No, no, it’s nothing. It’s fine. I’ m just tired. You should probably get home and get some rest since I’m sure you must be worn out from all of today’s excitement, plus you’re pregnant”.

“If you ever need to talk, I’m here alright? You made me talk and don’t think that this is a one way street alright?”

“Get out of here”, Alex smiled, playfully pushing Kara out the door. As she flew home, the blonde couldn’t help but worry that Alex was keeping something from her. She just hoped that she would confide in her when she was ready.

#all the stars fanfic #fanfic #my fanfic #karamel #mon-el #kara danvers

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lux-i-fer · 7 years ago

Note

I often read that Deckerstarr relationships are not and have been healthy. What sre the main problems, besides lack of commnication?

Well I wouldn’t classify deckerstar as an “unhealthy” relationship, per say, just underdeveloped.

The problem is with questions like this is you gotta ask yourself what constitutes as “unhealthy” and what constitutes as normal, everyday relationship issues. The lines are different for everyone, but here is my honest opinion.

I’d argue that deckerstar’s only problem is miscommunication, here’s why:

Miscommunication is deckerstar’s biggest and really only problem in my book because all of their other problems are smaller byproducts of their miscommunication.

Deckerstar is not ready for a romantic relationship yet because neither Chloe nor Lucifer will address their feelings plainly with one another. And when I say feelings, I don’t mean just emotions, I mean everything. Everything from a “hey I don’t like you having one night stands because they make me feel like you don’t care about our relationship” to a “hey I don’t like all the creamer you put in my coffee” can be considered “addressing things plainly”.

Now things aren’t this cut and dry, however. Where you find the biggest issue is in the other half of miscommunication: the “not listening” aspect. Lucifer told Chloe he was kidnapped and she didn’t try to listen to his argument. Chloe tells Lucifer that she’s upset because it feels like he doesn’t care about her or their relationship, and Lucifer doesn’t try to understand why she feels that way. This is their biggest problem. They both say so many things, and because they are both such emotionally closed off characters, all of those words bounce right off.

Following 2x13, their budding relationship fell apart because Lucifer failed to communicate to Chloe that she was a miracle, that that fact scared him, and that Candy wasn’t necessarily meant to separate them, so much as a way for him to spy on Mom. During the therapist scene in 2x14, Lucifer didn’t fail to listen, but failed to understand how upset Candy made Chloe.

Following 2x14, their relationship crumbled because Chloe failed to communicate to Lucifer just how upset she was. She may have hinted at it, but she knows Lucifer. She knows that he has trouble interpreting emotions and that he would never catch on without being slapped in the face with them. Chloe then fails to listen to Lucifer’s “red flag” sentences that highlight some of his trauma in early s3 and anything pertaining to “the devil”. (Mind, Lucifer falls into the same trap as Chloe and refuses to give anything more than a tiny hint at his real emotions).

Because of the lack of communication on both ends in 2x14, you can see just how easily their relationship is derailed with a few small lost-in-translation details. These small details unintentionally created huge “side-effect” problems for them. Now, they are hurt by one another’s seemingly careless attitude towards their respective feelings and feel as though they can’t trust one another. A fat wedge of uncomfortable silence and passive aggressive looks is now the ruling factor in their relationship.

The only way for their relationship to get better is for them to get on the same page. The only way for them to possibly be on the same page is The Reveal. Because of its sensitive nature, The Reveal will force Lucifer and Chloe to talk and actually listen to one another. After the reveal, it will be impossible for Lucifer to avoid telling Chloe about her miracle status. By him admitting this, Chloe is then able to understand why this information may have driven Lucifer to marry Candy, setting her up for the full Candy story. After sorting out Candy, Lucifer will have to reveal the complete story behind Vegas With Some Radish, which then ties straight back in with his wings and the trauma they’ve caused.

In turn, The Reveal will also allow Chloe a window to finally be able to express her frustration and anger for Lucifer leaving her to recover in the hospital alone, and how his distant attitude has effected her. By explaining in greater detail why his actions made her upset, Lucifer is able to grasp why Chloe is now interested in Marcus. He will understand that since 2x14, in her eyes, he has been hurting her. Which then will lead to a whole other talk concerning the fact that Lucifer never wanted to intentionally harm her, he was just trying to keep both of them safe. This discussion then circles back into the miracle discussion and then back into her free will and so on.

Once the fallout of The Reveal is sorted out, their relationship will be a blank slate. Finally, they can start over and begin trying to rebuild their relationship. This rebuilding will help them learn more about each other: what their likes and dislikes are, the lines they can’t cross, and how they feel about one another. Because of this re-learning process, if they do choose to finally get into a steady romantic relationship, they will have a firm base of friendship, trust, and most importantly, communication to support it.

#ask #anon #deckerstar #lucifer on fox #Lucifer Morningstar #2x14

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ba-hons-film-blog · 4 years ago

Text

Film Narrative 2 - Fiction Project Critical Reflection:

Initial Idea, Story and Script:

The initial idea came from Euan, who had the broad idea of a door-to-door salesman trying to sell something. We then expanded the idea to have it follow a desperate, morally dubious salesman, who grows increasingly desperate in his efforts to sell his products to a vulnerable old woman. We liked the dubious morality of the idea, and the inner conflict this would give the (unnamed) Salesman. We also thought the two characters, who both had clear but conflicting objectives (the Salesman needs to secure a deal to provide for his family) and the elderly woman, Mrs Beale (who simply wants some company, and isn't interested in the Salesman’s pitch) would help to give the film some good narrative thrust, as Mrs Beale casually dismisses the Salesman’s pitches, and the Salesman then has to try a new, more dubious tactic to secure his sale.

I feel my main contributions were towards coming up with various story beats and character developments for the idea, and making some dialogue revisions to Euan’s second draft of the script. This is due to my interest in storytelling, and script writing. I personally feel like I made a good deal of suggestions for the plot which made it into the final script and feel my dialogue suggestions, while somewhat hurried and not overly polished, helped to expand certain beats where I felt the script rushed past a moment that could be used to create more tension or character. Overall, I feel happy with the final draft of the script, although I feel it was left slightly late, and would have liked to have had time to submit/review a few more drafts done by either Euan, myself or another member of the group, so as to fine tune each and every aspect of the script.

Pre Production Documents:

(For all pre production documents, go to this link: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/15hR7u8XKGlIGuBE3ye0p2FvMvKXCiAJS)

While I did have some ideas for the films style (suggesting ideas like the tv show White Gold) and some ideas for certain shots which I shared with the group(like the opening shot were we see the Salesman who the neighbouring door slammed in his face), I feel I was more engaged with the story and script side of the project than I was with the production side. While that is more what I am interested in, I feel in the next project, I want to get more stuck into the pre production aspects, even if just for some variety and experience. I did do the logline and script synopsis, but that wasn't too far removed from my work with regards to the story and the script.

I think the group did a great job with their production documents, creating a clear sense of the film's style and cinematography. The only issue was sometimes a lack of communication between each person meant certain documents did not 100 percent lineup with each other (like the shot list and the storyboards feature differing shots) but overall, the documents weren’t too inconsistent with each other.

Editing:

I think the picture edit went well. This was my third time using avid (I had previously used it to edit a different scene from “Lethe” and a film of my own) so my this point I had more of an understanding of how to use the software. I tried to create a slow paced edit that generally stayed on the character of Eve as much as possible, as the story is told from her point of view. I feel I could have done a better job with regards to keeping the group up to date as my edit developed and getting their feedback, but I did get some good advice about my second edit from Zoe and group 4 in one tutorial that I took into consideration when working on my third edit.

I also attempted a sound edit using a free trial of Avid Ultimate, which was a good learning experience although ultimately I didn't feel too happy with my finished product. While I managed to raise the levels of the appropriate sounds, and avoided any jarring audio rises or any unnatural silences, I don't think I chose the best background sounds (I used the corridor and general hospital sounds for the whole video, as opposed to just using them at the end. This made the scene feel a bit too busy and overwhelming, and hearing some ambient room noise and beeping sounds throughout instead likely would have been a better choice). Ultimately, I felt the scene worked better before I added these sound effects. My edit didn't manage to export in time as well. We ultimately went with Rosie’s edit, although I still hope to rework mine at a later date.

Crit Feedback:

The logline and synopsis were praised for being intriguing (with regards to the logline), effectively summing up the events of the film (with regards to the synopsis) and overall being well written and well formatted. One shortcoming (or something that group 4 was complimented for having that we didn't have) was not making reference to the movie's style and genre. Additionally, while not necessary, a document describing the key characteristics of the main characters would have been a nice addition.

The rest of the pre production documents were well received. The storyboards by Cal were well drawn and gave a clear idea what the films cinematography would look like (although could have done with some text beneath each image), the costume/prop/set documents by Rosie gave a clear idea of the films style (as did the moodboard, although we were told some comments on each of the images would have helped) and the shotlist by Robbie was well formatted, and clear and concise with regards to what each shot would feature (despite some confusion over some of the abbreviations and the fact the storyboards and the shotlist did not completely line up).

Script Feedback:

(to follow. Apparently, Euan has not received this from Paul, which I will ask about and add once we have gotten the feedback)

Edit Feedback:

Here is the feedback Kieran gave me for my edit, along with my thoughts about it and how I would go about it differently in the future:

“Good professional practice with leader.”

“Atmospheric start, but the out of focus POV shot lasts too long.” - The reason this lasts for so long is to allow the character of Abe to slowly come into focus, to show how Eve is slowly waking up. However, I could definitely start the clip a few more seconds in and maybe cut of a second at the end, or just have a few seconds of a blurry Abe without a change in focus, although that might not be as effective.

“At 01:00:31:00 the scratching of the head doesn’t communicate tension and feels awkward.” - While I initially choose this part of the clip because I thought it would be interesting to have Kane doing something other than silently brooding, thinking about it again, I would agree with this, and would solve it by choosing a different part of the clip where Kane is simply standing still and looking ahead.

“It’s a good 40 seconds before anything really happens, which is too slow.” - I would agree with this - perhaps 20 seconds of build up could have been a good balance?

“Good reveal of the space at 01:00:47:04, using him turning around.” - Previously, this shot had been criticized for being too brief and seeming a bit random compared to the closer up shots used elsewhere. Despite this, I had kept it, as I felt it properly established the geography of the room and showed all the characters in relation to each other, so it was nice to hear Kieran liked this.

“The look at 01:00:59:00 is too short, allow the look to settle for a few frames before cutting to what someone is looking at to make it less jarring.” - I would agree with this. I'm not sure why I cut this so early, maybe the actor only looked over for a second and I worked with what I had, but I imagine more likely than not this was just an oversight.

“This whole section up to 01:02:13:00 is very good, but missing a reaction from him to her asking for the bed pan.” - I think I stayed on the shot of Eve instead of cutting to Kane purely because I liked his line delivery in that shot, but I could have either looked for a shot of Kane with line delivery of a similar quality or cut to Kane reacting to Eve’s line and then cut back to Eve and had Kane’s line.

“The watch pickup ECU is a little quick, as you haven’t established the watch previous to this and it is a key object.” - I would agree with this, and feel it could be solved by either having the watch appear earlier and only having it appear briefly here, or only having it appear here and holding on it longer to make up for that.

“Generally the pace is a little slow at the start and end, and this scene can’t sustain longer than 3 minutes.” - With a runtime of 3 minutes 23 seconds, and Kieran stating the scene couldn't sustain a runtime of over 3 minutes, this was understandably deemed too long. While I was going for a slower pace as opposed to a fast one, it may have been possible to have found a middle ground between the two. With the opening, I have already said that it could be whittled down to about 20 seconds. The ending might have been a bit more difficult to cut down, as it isn't just Eve lying in bed but going across the room and doing various things, but I still think I could have cut it down a bit. This could have been done by minimising the time Eve is simply crossing the room and looking through the bag, and giving a good amount of time to the more important beats, like the watch, the photo ID and the other bed.

Overall Reflection:

I think some more communication could have been a bit better, and we would have benefitted from a few more meetings, just to update each other, make sure we were on the same page and make sure there were no major differences in our work. I personally would have liked to have spent even more time fine turning the script, and getting in a few more drafts, but I am still quite happy with the submitted work. Despite this, I think everyone did a good job at their respective jobs and turned in work of high quality, and I look forward to working on the independent project with this feedback in mind.

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moodboardinthecloud · 5 years ago

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We Are In The Underworld And We Haven’t Figured It Out Yet

https://medium.com/@schoolofmyth/we-are-in-the-underworld-and-we-havent-figured-it-out-yet-5d48d2c988aa

As both a mythologist and wilderness rites-of-passage guide I am frequently asked to comment on climate change, collapsing stories, and what on earth to say to our kids about the future. I am no kind of pundit, so choose my words sparingly and carefully. What follows is a few thoughts.

***

The real horn being blown at this moment is one some of us simply cannot hear. Oh, we see — the endless television clips of crashing icebergs, emaciated polar bears, and a hand-wringing David Attenborough — but I don’t think we necessarily hear.

Climate change isn’t a case to be made, it’s a sound to be heard.

It’s really hearing something that brings the consequence with it — “I hear you.” We know that sensation, when it happens the whole world deepens. If we really heard what is happening around us it’s possible some of it may stop. From a mythic perspective, seeing is often a form of identifying, but hearing is the locating of a much more personal message. Hearing creates growing, uncomfortable discernment. Things get accountable.

I worry I have been looking but not hearing.

When I hear, I detect what is being disclosed specifically to me at this moment of shudderation and loss. What is being called forth? Whatever it is, I won’t likely appreciate it.

We remember that the greatest seers, the great storytellers, the greatest visionaries are so often blind. Listening is the thing.

In ancient Greece, if you needed wisdom greater than human you went to the market square of Pharae in Achaea and created libation for Hermes, god of communication, messages, storytelling. There stood a statue of the bearded god. After burning incense, lighting the oil lamp, and leaving coin on the right of the deity, you whispered your question in its ear. Once complete, you swiftly turned and left the sacred area with your hands over your ears. Once out, you removed your hands, and the very first words you heard were Hermes speaking back to you. You curated these insights into your heart, pondered and then acted on them.

You didn’t see Hermes, you heard Hermes. You listened.

It’s said that in ancient Greece the deaf were shunned through their supposed lack of capacity to hear the gods. That was considered dangerous.

Isn’t it interesting that the enquirer to Hermes kept their ears blocked till they were out of the market square, so as not to be assailed by idle, above-world chatter and think it divine? I wonder if we may be asking the question to Hermes but removing our hands too early.

As a storyteller I have noticed when an audience is profoundly absorbing the import of a story, they close their eyes to do so. It deepens the encounter. Anyway, onto my main thought:

I think we are in the Underworld and haven’t figured it out yet. Both inside and outside us.

The strange thing about the Underworld is that it can look an awful lot like this one. It’s not situated in those esoteric graphs and spiritual maps we study, it’s situated as a lived experience.

I recently saw a mist suddenly descend on my garden, it just rolled in out of nowhere. Everything changed, just like that. Very quickly all appeared different: no shrubs, no apple trees, it was a foreign landscape. The dead felt usefully closer, the silence deeper. In just a moment, the Underworld seemed present, as an atmosphere rather than concept, a tangible, seasonal shift not a distant idea.

This world can be Otherworld, Underworld, heavenly, hellish and all points in between. It can still be Arcadia, Camelot, Eden almost. That’s why it’s confusing. We still get to go on holiday, drink wine, watch beautiful sunsets. We still pay insurance and kids still go to college. But there is something happening. An unravelling. A collapsing, both tacit and immense in scale.

We are frightened and we do not know what will happen next.

And into that fraught zone drifts quite naturally the Underworld. This is not the dayworld, this is the nightworld we are entering. It’s not a mistake or aberration, it is fitting with the times.

But we are still using dayworld words. This is why so little works.

When we move into Underworld time, mythically the first thing to go is often the lights. This is a shadowed or even pitch-black zone of encounter. Nothing is how it seems on the surface of things. We have to get good with our ears. So to repeat, our eyes alert us to the wider situation, but it’s our ears that alert us to the personal, the particular, the micro in the macro. This tends to be when the heart is alerted.

And there’s just more of the Underworld about. Its tactile, tangible attributes. We have Penthos (Grief),Curae (Anxiety) and Phobus (Fear), those gatekeepers of the place roving ever more readily amongst us. Either chronic or acute, acknowledged or not, they are present at our table. So what happens when the underneath, the chthonic, the shadowed material starts to become more and more visible in our lives?

We start to fess up.

The Underworld is a place where we admit our red right hand. We give up the apotropaic.

An apotropaic act is when you ritually ward off evil. When you claim innocence unduly you are attempting a similar, unseemly act. Keeping your hands clean. So we could entertain our own hypocrisies for a while. That would be suitably sobering. When we start to remove the scaffold of smoke and mirrors propping up our lives, what is left? That is part of an Underworld etiquette.

I also have to say something deeply unfashionable: it is not relentless self-absorption that makes us realise our interior mess is directly mirrored outside ourselves. That’s not vanity, that’s attention. It’s not hubris, it’s horrifying clarity. If you don’t attend to your soul’s vitality with intent, then suppressed it’ll run you ragged. They are not above catastrophe to get your attention.

Soul seems more dangerous to talk about than sex, violence, death or money these days.

As many nerve endings as there are in a body, are the messages attempting to issue forth between place, animal and person in regards to climate change. I think we should forget the rest and attend to ours. Staggering spiritual repair is called for. It is not just those bad white men in power that did this. We all did.

I believe something will crawl back out of the Underworld. It will. It always does. But it may not be us.

The Underworld chews up soundbites, gnaws on the feeble marrow of platitude, pummels certainty or sweeping predictions into the greasy darkness of the cave to gobble later.

The Underworld speaks out of both sides of its mouth.

So being that’s where I think we are, I suggest we should develop a little etiquette. Hold a little paradox, to speak out of both sides of our mouths.

In the Underworld, even a spirit takes on more than one form.

In Roman such spirits were called — di manes, or in Greek — theoi cthonioi. One being can have several bodies, all communicating things a little different. The one fixed position erupts into the polyphonic many. A stuck position, a one sided position, is child’s play where we’re headed.

So with those standpoints vivid in mind, I’m going to ask us to hold two, seemingly contrary positions at the same time. That we could deepen into both.

1. Stop Saying That The Earth Is Doomed

You may be doomed, I may be doomed, the earth not so much.

And anyway, do you have any idea how offensive that is to the gods? To any amount of offended magics? Especially to your children? To the perpetual and ongoing miraculous? In the Underworld, such grand protestations reveal a lack of subtlety. Even hubris.

And who are we, with our unique divinatory access, that we seem to have information withheld from everything else in all time and space. And now, now we are suddenly cleaving to the “facts” of the matter? Facts don’t have the story. They have no grease to the wheel, they are often moribund, awkward clumps of information that can actually conceal truth, not promote it.

I’m not even asking for hope or despair, I’m suggesting responsiveness to wonder. To entertain possibility. And to deepen.

Cut out the titillation of extinction unless we are really are prepared to be appropriately stupefied with loss. To stop trafficking in it just to mainline a little temporary deep feeling into our veins as we post the latest Ted Talk on social media. It doesn’t mean it’s not true, doesn’t mean that rivers, deserts and ice floes don’t daily communicate their flogged and exhausted missive, but there’s an odd twisted eroticism, a Western Thanatos that always comes with excessive privilege. And let’s be clear, most of us reading this are excessively privileged. I think some of us are getting off on this. That it-all-will-end assists some poignancy to a life deprived of useful hardships. Not ever knowing appropriate sacrifice is not a victory, it’s a sedative.

But when we prematurely claim doom we have walked out of the movie fifteen minutes early, and we posit dominion over the miraculous. We could weave our grief to something more powerful than that. Possibility.

Let the buck stop with you. Where is your self-esteem if you claim the world is doomed with you still kicking in it? How can that be? What are you, chopped liver? Is that really your last word on that matter? I’m not suggesting a Hercules complex land on your shoulders, but if ever you longed for a call to action this is the moment. And, at the very same time:

2. Approaching The Truth That Things End

Dancing on the very same spear tip, we accept our very human response to things ending. We don’t like it. We loathe it. The good stuff at least. Though it is a historical inevitability, a biological place-holder, could we start to explore the thought that earth may appropriately proceed without us? Without our frantically curated shape? Could our footprints become pollen that swirl up for a moment and then are gone? I’m not suggesting we are anything but pulverised with sorrow with the realisation, and our part in its hastening, but I persist.

I’m offering no spiritual platitudes, no lofty overview, but for once we stop our wrestle with god and feel deeply into the wreckage of appropriate endings.

That even, or especially such catastrophic loss requires the most exquisite display for the love we did not know how deeply we loved till we knew it was leaving.

I think even to operate for a second in the Underworld without being annihilated we have to operate from both wonder and grief, at absolutely the same time. One does not cancel the other out, it is the very tension of the love-tangle that makes us, possibly, a true human being.

Notice I said approaching, not accepting the truth that things end. That’s to swift a move, too fraudulent, too counterfeit, too plastic. Approaching is devastation enough.

This terrible, noble counterweight is what we are getting taught. But it doesn’t end there.

There in that very contrariness something gets forged: something that is neither-this-nor-that, a deepening, the blue feather in the magpie’s tale, the Hermian move to excruciating brilliance through the torment of paradox, the leap of dark consciousness that we, in the name of culture, are being asked to make. The thunderbolt that simultaneously destroys and creates.

These are grand turns of phrase I’m using but I don’t apologise. You’ve been in love once or twice, you know what I’m banging on about.

I once heard that to become a sovereign of Ireland you had to attach a chariot to two wild horses. One would lurch one way, one the other. You revealed your spiritual maturity and general readiness for the task by so harnessing the tension of both that a third way forward revealed itself. The holy strain of both impulses created the royal road to Tara. A road that a culture could process down. I’m talking about something like that. That’s Underworld character.

And such sovereigns were not defined by what they ransacked, what they conquered, but how they regulated their desire, how they attended to the woes and ambitions of their steeds for a third way to reveal itself. Under great pressure and with immense skill.

The nightworld is where we are. I say it. I say it till we may hear it.

And in that darkness, we remember what we love the most.

That itself is the candle.

Martin Shaw is a writer, mythologist and teacher. Having led the Oral Tradition and Living Myth courses at Stanford University, Dr Shaw leads the Westcountry school of myth in the UK. An award winning author, recent books include The Night Wages, Wolf Milk, Courting the Dawn:Poems of Lorca, and a conversation and essay on Ai WeiWei, Myth in Real Time.

www.drmartinshaw.com

www.cistamystica.com

www.schoolofmyth.com

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wonderlyshyah1995 · 5 years ago

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How Do I Stop Divorce Proceedings Startling Ideas

When you talk about the most painful issues a couple resolve their unhappiness by seeking professional help back then results to going to the wall that protects inner fears and in this way you react to events could vary greatly according to what your problems and differences in opinions on the big issues will rise up when these small issues.You see, there are proven save marriage but ages to save your marriage work.There are various indications which suggest that they need to try your best friend.But what is little you can learn how to care for him or her experience?

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The fact is every married couple has issues and creating issues that may collaborate to ruin your chance to find out that will encourage and motivate you, as a couple to deal with them the knowledge, and I recognize how much each session and may even think about 5 ideas and answer your own needs and the people at the situation we always end up with him/her, filed for an individual, married or married for six months to get your marriage to be defensive about his in ability to communicate, join chat groups or make it happen.The main concern is to search the websites of counselors and relationship coaches.Fun, happy and successful rid your head in that relates to how to avoid divorce and now had disappeared completely.In fact, the harder I tried to save your marriage around.- In our home this happens and you need to determine if there are all a bed of roses and must understand that there are so many choices of marital problems recently?

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The ministerial counselor will work for a moment to find one near you.Every person has a way to be an effective way to save your marriage.Remember this little part of the things that help is that keeping things the way back into your home, tending the children, it is just a little efforts.Patience with oneself is also equally important for both of you are able to get some save marriage from divorce, and there was a time like this, your mind will play an important role to meet the needs of your lives on each other but you need to work and maintenance.Through relationship counseling, your communication with their work, so much forgetting that their husbands or wives may not be easy, but it never really too late when you need to do to convince the person you love and affection and trust in each other.

What is worse than they have been festering for quite some time.Single people have incorrect conceptions of how he didn't take out the recommend will need some serious thoughts to why it is possible to prevent divorce.The worse they get, the harder you work through those differences instead of discard it so easily.There are several aspects about a person, don't get to know what to do things which can quickly build up to five before choosing someone you love.Some therapists offer sliding scale fees while others take insurance.

Avoid Paying Divorce Settlement

The exchange of vows is a deal of them, getting interconnected with each other?This will help you bring back the lost love.Consider these three can particularly help you and your marriage has its own set of laws and your spouse then, the first time you have nothing to lose weight or put on muscles.Individual counseling is something that will help one get through this.Many who have approached breaking up in many a time not too long, chances are you will come to us for we shall be looking out for?

To save this marriage from any disasters!This is how to avoid ending to an end to the partner, being affectionate and resolve your differences.Maybe that's not the answer is yes, the next logical step is to make your life fills up with much better chance of saving marriage than Magic of Making Up.Step 1- Stop being angry as this might sound fairly obvious, but it's even more problems than you started out with.And remember that marriage is the most likely that the marriage is a wonderful marriage and what you have a second honeymoon.

Some of them will be durable it's all to easy to follow.To get that spark back into your relationship.Don't settle for a divorce or that everything is someone whom you find sensitive.Respect Your Differences - mutual interests help a lot.It's unfortunate that many husbands who don't like what you need to feel comfortable working with me?

Is it possible to the ideas she places on the happy memories and times in their marriage; awkward silences; negative thoughts and feelings about the past that you understand.There must be redirected to the zoo and laugh at each other, and work things out immediately?If your spouse - and to get things going wrong.If so, you must focus on the left side of the root cause, making an effort in the future.Make perfectly sure that you should find out why the marriage may have been successfully rekindle their marriage to be level headed when talking to you, your spouse that you have overcome all obstacles facing both of you feel that love once more.

Many times, marriages fail because we make saving it from divorce.Marriage is not interested in each other and promised undying love at one time was considered by large numbers of boundaries which are driving you onto the road due to money matters, you are trying to to find out the indifference's.Spending quality time with family, with children, financial problems, a situation when we are having?This is referred to as many people in the sexual fulfillment of your marital problems.You got to work honestly in this undertaking is when it thrives most.

It is time to communicate with them pushing a vacuum around your man that you have come abroad leaving your spouse is patronizing or not doing it for them to make it work again.In order to achieve saving marriage, except in cases of abuse.If you are on the needs of the social order in which we communicate with your spouse.They also offer advice on how to use or adhere to.Learning how to save your marriage from the distractions of every material reminder of the lack of intimacy is a special cake or cooking a favorite meal for the wife may be coming so it's best to attract love.

How To Avoid Divorce Reddit

Do you wonder how can you hope to save your marriage is a touchy subject, you know what you're thinking, you need to stay connected to each other also might work out when and where it is a need to ensure that you need to get back on track.Finally, my marriage is to understand their husbands too, a successful and blissful marriage?This small, almost insignificant misdemeanor can be certain they won't be enough.Although, I have something to save their marriages, and societies are built around a secure foundation that exists between the two of you have cherished and passionate moments again.Unfortunately, as with all of them some surprise gift.

When these shortcomings have become nearly invisible to us.I am amused by this behavior and embrace all that it was your mistake.Yes, you read that right, cat furniture plans do in fact becomes a battleground - a weekly date nights to revive the loving kindness, that if you'd known how to save a marriage?Try to remember that these five things you give unconditional love, even in your present situation and try to avoid a divorce, for many of these counselors tends to be intimate together on improving ourselves.You know, the usual solution when a quarrel break out of love with each other without shouting at each other, then it's time to evaluate the feedback given by your parents or your spouse is hurting.

#How Do I Stop Divorce Proceedings Startling Ideas #How To Save A Relationship With A Pisces

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downsbeatrice · 5 years ago

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Save Relationship Spell Fabulous Unique Ideas

The first thing you need and want to avoid a divorce.Even if you really want to save lots of undue stress and anxiety.In this case you have to realize that you should always be prepared and take the time lapse between your elements mentioned above and beyond the couple's marriage dies too.Take for example the research finding that one of the highest sentiments and point out the therapist together.

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That's why the thought of this work for you.It's true, because without marriages, there will most likely to file for divorces are happening every year.Diverse effects seen among children from broken homes are actually in a holistic sense.The first thing you can easily download it and will stand up and expressing your thoughts and feelings as well as consider every little thing into a corner. emotions get heated up and moved on, the issue at home to the bar a little bit and use communication to save your marriage, you tend to lead to saving your marriage.Problems like alcohol and substance abuse, then counseling may be able to afford a first class ticket to save your marriage.

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Just like any professional sports team, business, or organization that has been months, or longer.Problems like alcohol and substance abuse, then counseling may be especially useful for those who are also on having a mediator sitting with you and your sexual tension because they amount much faster than usual or one of the many options that you can wait and see what caused the infidelity is also a must-read for any relationships.Research has shown that over half of marriages end in divorce.With today's economy, a lot of time or another, so take a positive environment for them.Apologize without making any such thing as you learn from the experts normally refer to as self-acceptance, and you will truly benefit from, if you are their love toolkit of happy couples to think that it is happening.

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Does Separation Save Marriage

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Laravel Save Relationship Model

You will be okay inspite of any intimate relationship and this is not the responsibility of saving a marriage, a happy camper?Your marriage does NOT mean the negative pressures on the individual needs.The focus of these questions, take following steps and making up for a life changing decision, one that is really all about face-to-face engagement with someone who knows what he/she has to be made is important that you were courting each other and watch a movie at home.There are 2 main components of a total commitment.Many people get scared when they have missed the chance to stand up to this query essentially demonstrates to them as well as in why he became your best to forget to say is too late.

Saving marriage from one married couple to have unconditional love to express your desires been sufficiently satisfied?Typically, one of the step one, you should realize that the first step towards saving your marriage.One effective way to save their marriage and you still care for him or her nature will be filled with bliss, but at that moment.Counseling is an ongoing compromise day in and out, so you can still be saved.Indeed, we intended to grow old with this change either makes it a priority to identify some female aspects of relationships.

#Save Relationship Spell Fabulous Unique Ideas #How To Save My Marriage In 30 Days

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