lifeseriesincorrectquotes

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Pearl, putting their hands over Martyn's eyes: Guess who! Martyn: It's either Pearl or the cold, clammy hands of death. Pearl, putting their hands away: It's Pearl! Martyn: Dammit.

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Joel: How many vampires do you think have been hit by a car backing up in a parking lot because the driver couldn’t see their reflection? Jimmy: I’ve never considered it but you’re really shining light on what’s probably a very serious issue.

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Skizz: venting endlessly to Impulse about their week Impulse, every once in a while: in a monotone Wow, that is so wild.

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Tango: dangling from a rope over a pit of fire Remember when I said I’d tell you when we’re in too deep? Skizz: Yes? Tango: We’re in too deep.

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Pearl: Rules were made to be broken.

Grian: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.

Joel: Uh, piñatas.

Martyn: Glow sticks.

Gem: Karate boards.

Bigb: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.

Pearl: Rules.

Grian:

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Pearl: Good morning. As you begin your day, remember that violence is always an option and often the answer.

Bigb:

Pearl:

Bigb: ...Please, go back to bed.

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Bigb: Remember, when burying a body, make sure to cover it with endangered plants so it’s illegal to dig up!

Bigb: Make sure to follow me for more gardening tips!

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Grian, pointing to Lizzie and Scott: Distract them! I'll be right back! *leaves*

Pearl: Okay!

*five minutes later*

Grian: *returns and sees Lizzie and Scott unconscious on the ground* What did you do? I said distract them, not knock them out!

Pearl: There's just no pleasing you sometimes.

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Etho: Bdubs! I thought you were dead!

Bdubs: No, just in deep cover.

Etho: ...But it was an open casket.

Bdubs: It was very deep.

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*Thump noise*

Cleo, from the other room: What happened?!

Scar: Bdubs’ shirt fell.

Cleo: Why was it loud?

Scar: He was inside it.

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Scar: I can't believe there's a cat somewhere in my house. Amazing feeling. Love cats. And he's here, in my house! Somewhere! And I may encounter him! What a treat.

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Skizz: *angrily presses Scar against a wall* WHERE'S THE MONEY?!

Scar: ... 

Scar: Are we about to kiss-

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Grian: Shouldn't get stressed out, it's not good for the baby.

Joel: What baby?

Grian, crying a bit: Me.

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Grian: Are you an ‘arr’ pirate or a ‘yo ho ho’ pirate?

Etho: I’m a ‘I’m not paying $600 for photoshop’ pirate.

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Skizz: Why are you late?

Bigb: A technical error occurred, causing an unexpectedly long bout of unconsciousness.

Skizz: Overslept?

Bigb: Overslept.

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Mumbo: Well, Joel, is there anything you would like to say to Bdubs?

Joel: How do I put this delicately? You’re a horrible roommate and nobody likes you.

Mumbo: How about we frame our statement with “When you do this, it makes me feel this”?

Joel: When you live here, it makes me angry. Because you’re a horrible roommate and nobody likes you.

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Jimmy: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

Grian: An apple a day can keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.