#tumblr suddenly got overwhelming for me and thought i took a break from it but im slowly getting back with breadcrumbs of art

[sidhion]

hello i am here :3

came back with food

hehee six characters i did on my insta!!

close-ups under here!!!

[darkstar225]

Twice's 10th member almost gets taken advantage of by a staff ft SNSD's Tiffany as GF

A/N: Heyyy, I'm coming up with a lot of stuff for you guys so I can make up for the time I'm gone lol! Sry for taking so long to post :D I hope that my friend fullcatrebel who gave me this idea on Tumblr likes it!

The request: Hi I just want to request can you do where y/n is dating Tiffany from snsd(Tiffany is very protective of y/n) and the other member of snsd adore her(like a little sister)and one day when all of them were at the same workplace(including snsd) one of the staff tried to take advantage of y/n and she ran towards the all of the girls and they got angry and took care of it. Ps. I really love reading your book ❤️

PS: Tysm for everyone who reads what I write, I hope I can bring a smile to your faces every time I post! I'd like to thank whoever sent me this idea 'cause I loved to write it <3

__________________________________________________________

The bustling atmosphere of a shared work event between TWICE and Girls' Generation (SNSD) filled the air with a mixture of excitement and anticipation. Both groups, beloved and successful in their own right, were set to perform and collaborate for a special stage. Among the members, Y/N, the 10th member and youngest of TWICE, was in a unique position, for she was in a loving relationship with Tiffany, a member of SNSD.

Tiffany was known for her vibrant personality and a smile that could light up a room, but she also had a fiercely protective side when it came to Y/N. The other members of SNSD had come to adore Y/N as if she were their own little sister, and they had accepted her with open arms into their close-knit family.

Meanwhile, Y/N was equally cherished by her TWICE unnies, who saw her as a precious little sister and close friend. They knew about her relationship with Tiffany, and the whole group had become like an extended family.

As the preparations for the event went into full swing, TWICE's snowflake was busy with her rehearsals while Tiffany and the other SNSD members were in their own practice rooms. The maknae had been a constant presence throughout the preparations, and her talent, charm, and youthful energy had won her a special place in the hearts of both groups.

As the day of the event arrived, the venue buzzed with excitement. Fans from all over the world had gathered to see their favourite K-pop stars perform, and both TWICE and SNSD were ready to deliver a show to remember.

During a break in rehearsals, Y/N found herself backstage, looking for a quiet spot to relax. The bustling venue had been overwhelming, and she needed a moment of solitude to gather her thoughts. Unbeknownst to her, a staff member with sinister intentions had been lurking nearby, watching for an opportunity.

As Y/N moved further away from the stage, she suddenly felt a presence behind her. Before she could react, the staff member made an inappropriate advance, causing fear and panic to surge through her. She pushed the staff member away and ran, desperate to find safety.

The younger girl's heart raced as she sprinted through the backstage area. She was shaken, terrified, and tears blurred her vision. She needed to find her loved ones, her support system. She needed Tiffany, the SNSD members, and her TWICE unnies. They were like her family, and she knew they would protect her.

Meanwhile, Tiffany and the SNSD members had just finished their rehearsals when they heard a commotion backstage. They rushed to the source of the disturbance, hearts pounding with concern. When they turned the corner and saw Y/N running towards them, dishevelled and scared, their protective instincts kicked into high gear.

Tiffany - Baby! 

Tiffany exclaimed, rushing to her girlfriend's side. She wrapped her girl in a protective embrace, her expression a mixture of relief and fury. 

Tiffany - What happened, sweetheart? Are you okay?

Y/N clung to Tiffany, tears streaming down her face as she explained the horrifying encounter with the staff member. Tiffany's protective instinct flared even brighter as she looked over at her fellow SNSD members. Their expressions mirrored her own, the love and concern for Y/N evident in their eyes.

Tiffany turned to the staff member, her voice laced with fury. 

Tiffany - You! What do you think you're doing? *glares*

The staff member stammered, realizing that they were surrounded by a group of determined women who would not stand for any harm to come to their beloved Y/N. The members of SNSD were ready to take action, and they were known for their close bond and sisterly protection.

As the staff member stuttered an apology, Taeyeon, the leader of SNSD, stepped forward with a stern expression. 

Taeyeon - You should be ashamed of yourself. Don't ever let us catch you doing something like this again.

Yuri - You won't get off easy next time. We won't tolerate any harm coming to our Y/N. *scowls*

With a mixture of shame and fear, the staff member quickly retreated, leaving TWICE's youngest in the protective embrace of her girlfriend and her newfound family. As the initial shock began to subside, Y/N felt a sense of safety and comfort that only came from being surrounded by people who loved and cared for her.

Taeyeon wrapped her arms around the young girl, her voice filled with warmth. 

Taeyeon - You're safe now, Y/N. We won't let anything happen to you.

The other members of SNSD echoed their agreement, and Y/N couldn't help but feel grateful for the love and support she had found within the group. She was like a little sister to them, and their protective instincts were unwavering.

Tiffany kissed Y/N's forehead and began to whisper. 

Tiffany - I'll always protect you, my Tinkerbell. You're the most important person in my life.

Y/N nodded, tears of gratitude still in her eyes.

Y/N - I love you, babe. I'm so lucky to have you and all of SNSD in my life.

Just as Y/N was beginning to feel a little calmer, a group of familiar faces appeared on the scene. It was her fellow TWICE members, who had been alerted to the incident by the stage crew.

Jihyo, TWICE's leader and Y/N's mama, was the first to reach her kid, her expression filled with concern. 

Jihyo - Angel, are you okay? We heard what happened.

Nayeon - We're here for you, sweet girl. We won't let anything happen to you.

Y/N's heart swelled with gratitude as she saw the members of both groups standing together, ready to protect her. She turned to Tiffany, who was still holding her close, and whispered:

I love you all. I'm so lucky to have you in my life.

Momo, one of Y/N's fellow TWICE members, stepped forward and hugged her dongsang tightly.

Momo - We're like your big sisters, Y/N, and we'll always look out for you.

As the event continued, Y/N was never alone. She was constantly surrounded by the love and protection of both TWICE and SNSD, who had become her extended family. The incident had only served to strengthen their bonds, and Y/N knew that she would always be cherished and safeguarded by the people who had become her protectors and her family. And this made her have one thought:

I’ll love my dear chosen family forever.

A/N: I’m sorry for any errors. English is not my first language. Pls, let me know if there is something wrong, ty for reading <3

[bilightningwhumper]

@angstober 2024- Day 3: Self-Destruction

<<Previous . My Angstober 2024 Masterlist . Next>>

"Missed Shot" Masterlist --- TNEI Tumblr Masterlist

Summary:

Excerpt for "Missed Shot" (Robin Hood retelling) Marianne has an abrupt intervention

Notes:

Characters: Marianne- Maid Marian Talia Cathy Warnings: self-destructive/depression behaviors

Ao3 link

Word count: 874

Marianne PoV

A banging sound ripped Marianne out of sleep. She groaned, rolling over. Why couldn’t her neighbors keep it down for once?

Banging again. “Marianne!” Shit, that was Talia. “I know you’re in there. Open up or I will break this door down.”

She winced. What had she done to piss off Talia of all people?

Her body wasn’t happy to start moving so soon after getting up, but she made it to the door before her sister could make good on her threat. Fumbling with the lock, Marianne could smell the concern and irritation before even opening the door to a glaring Talia.

“You look like shit.”

“Thanks.” Marianne said dryly, her voice a rough rasp.

Talia rubbed the bridge of her nose, sighing. “Well, are you going to invite me in or not?”

“Do I have a choice?” she muttered, when as she stood back and held the door open.

Unsure what to do with herself as another person suddenly occupied her apartment, Marianne hung back as Talia took in the state of things. Take-out boxes cluttered the coffee table. Pizza boxes overflowing in the trash bin. Dishes left piled in the sink. Clothing scattered on the floor and chairs.

“What the hell?”

Startled, Marianne turned to see Cathy had come in through the unfolded door without her noticing.

“How long have you been living like this?” Talia asked, turning back around to face her.

Marianne just shrugged, scuffing her feet against the carpet. She’d always been the clean freak in their house. They all knew that. But how can you explain all the complicated feelings and emotions that had been building up for years? How all that had taken over and she just didn’t have that energy anymore?

“It’s been really busy at work.” she mumbled finally, keeping her eyes on the floor. Maybe then they wouldn’t notice the shameful tears gathering with the blatant lie. The store had been letting people go because bad business numbers or whatever. She’d been struggling to find a new job when they hung her out to dry at the beginning of the month. What kind of alpha was she, unable to even provide for herself? The landlord would no doubt boot her out when she couldn’t give him rent and-

A hand landed on her shoulder. “You go take a shower.” Cathy said, much softer than before. “And maybe a nap. We’ll take care of this.”

“But-”

“No buts.” Talia said. At the edge of her vision, she could see her sister’s hands propped on her hips. “You not answering any of our calls was bad enough. And clearly this mess is too overwhelming for you alone. Let someone else take care of you for once, dammit.”

A lump grew in her throat as her sisters’ scents took over her own sour one. So she just nodded and left to her bedroom. Thank god the bathroom adjoined it so she didn’t have to leave and risk her sisters seeing the tears now freely streaming down her face.

This whole thing is a mess, she thought to herself, turning on the shower-head. She should have just picked up the phone. Appeased their want for contact, then they would have left her alone again for a while. They wouldn’t have had to see any of this.

But she had to admit… it was kind of nice. A weight off her shoulders, even as the shame settled heavy on her chest. Unlike the offers from some of her well-meaning work friends, she knew her sisters wouldn’t overstep or put things in a way that would end up just stressing her out more. After all, these two in particular were the ones who advocated for her when Mom and Dad try and make her do things their way.

Reluctantly, she got out of the warm shower. Tears pricked in her eyes again as she saw one of them must’ve snuck in to replace the towels with clean ones from the cupboard. Which also meant they’d probably heard her crying her heart out. But as she wrapped the large, warm, fluffy towel around herself, Marianne didn’t feel as bothered by that idea as she thought she’d be.

After drying off and brushing her hair, she went into the bedroom to see more changes. The most obvious being that everything had been cleaned up and straightened out. Her bed had new sheets, her blankets replaced with ones she’d forgotten were put away in her closet.

They must be cleaning the others, her tired mind supplied as she picked up the set of clothing that had been placed at the foot of her bed. Cathy had told her to take a nap, too. Which, after the last several restless nights she’d had sounded like a really good idea right now.

So she clambered underneath the covers after getting in the clean clothing. The blankets were a little musty smelling from being in the closet for so long. But it was a lot better than the built up sweat smell that had been surrounding her for longer than she liked to admit.

The sound of her sisters’ quiet talking and soft music from behind the door lulled Marianne into a finally dreamless sleep.

TNEI Taglist:

@scoundrelwithboba

[ddaeng-angmoh]

This is going to be a long post where I talk about the struggles of the 20s. The stuggle of mental health and pain. This is brought on by recent events that occured and a beloved celebrity.

I'm not going to explicitly tag this for kpop or astro because I don't want to join that flood. I don't want anyone that is struggling to come to tumblr to relax, and be overwhelmed with the reminders of what happened. I fell apart after Jonghyun died. Irregardless of him being a celeb, I remember how it felt.

TW: talk of death , mental health

If you have been scrolling on tumblr or facebook and heard a lot of this. If this is making you feel uncomfortable and pushing you in any way to an unsafe place, please take the time to find a safe person to reach out to. Remember there are crisis hotlines for this as well. The internet will be flooded for awhile, so please take a step back from the internet if you must.

It took me a long time to come to terms with Jonghyun passing, I couldn't listen to SHINee for years without crying. I still can't sometimes. At the time, my friend told me of how there was some "death club" for celebs that passed at ages 25/26. I thought it was the oddest thing to make a club for. She hinted to it having some supernatural connection and I almost believed it.

I was 21 then, and the next year started the hardest 5 years of my life. I went from passing all my college courses to failing 6 in the span of 3 years. I quit my job, got a new one, then went on a mental health break. This led to me getting fired, and going on disability.

Last year I took a psychology course and as I realised I had entered the age of this nysterious "club" I looked back at my life broken hearted. It had been 4 years since Jonghyun passed, I was finally 25. I had been diagnosed with 2 mood disorders, adhd, 2 sleeping disorders, and been told the only cure for my mood disorders is to grow. I was incredulous when my psychologist said that to me. I got angry with him and with all my hopes and dreams crashing around me I could understand why this was such a dangerous age.

It wasn't until my teacher broached brain growth that something clicked. She told us that our brain didn't actually finish growing till around 26. That not only was the 20's the highest risk age for humans, but it was finally when we start being able to conceptualise the future. We could always dream of it before. We could understand the consequences. But we couldn't fully grasp the magnitude of the future.

We live in a society where we are expected to know what we want at 18. How unrealistic, when we only truly understand life at ~26.

The death club isn't supernatural. It's very psychological. I can't imagine the heartbreak these celebrities felt as the future came crashing in on them. That all their mental health struggles and life closed in on them and they wondered "is this it? Forever?" Because suddenly, forever makes more sense. More than it had.

I think we need to do better. Not just as a society, but as friends and family. The 20s are the age where suddenly we're freefalling, and as we plummet, we realise we can see the ground for the first time. We can finally see the end, and what it means. We imagine how it will feel to crash and break apart. All we feel is alone, and terrified, and wondering what it will sound like when we splatter to our end. How horrifying.

It's a good thing at least, that we can live our life as slowly as we like. If we take care of ourselves, we can slow our descent to the end. Outside of unexpected events of course.

I want to say for everyone younger than me, who hasn't hit this stage yet- you must already feel so overwhelmed. That's okay, because you ought to be. You're finding who you are. Take your time, and don't worry about the future. Don't put this pressure on yourself too early. And remember when you do start to see the ground, that it doesn't mean it's the end. It's still so far away. You'll be okay.

For the people in my age range who have seen it. Well, I'm in stage one of this myself. I'm terrified too. But everyday I'm seeing that it's okay. That all the things I scoffed at are true. I hated people saying to just wait it out. I never understood why they said "it's just a phase" (IT ISN'T TYVM) but now I get why they said that. They might not have experienced the pain I have mentally, but they experienced the fear of falling. The terror of seeing the end, and the peace that comes with knowing that they have a long way yet to go.

We have a long way yet to go.

Please remember that you're not alone in this. That you're not just going through a phase, and your struggles matter. The journey of the 20's is hard enough without mental fatigue and illness. But you can make it. Please don't be hard on yourself, and reach out to others. Take your time, because you need it. Because even after all this happens and your brain is done growing, and you're left with all this realisation- you still need to take the time to come to peace with it. If your mind is a pond and your growth is pebbles dropping in... then in this, you still have to wait for those pebbles to stop falling and their ripples to stop before it comes to peace again.

A bad metaphor, but the only one I can think of.

Waiting it out doesn't have to be torture. I think that's why it's so important we hold tight to the joys in our life. Why we have to cling onto what matters, and focus on the good relationships we have. Even if we have to go out of our comfort zone to make them. Because even reaching out for ourselves, we are still grasping onto someone else who needs help. We all need to support each other in this, I believe that completely. We're all lonely and aching. So why can't we find solace in each other?

I don't want to get into everything that happened today. My heart aches, and I'm not ready to confront it. The fear is coming back. I ache so much. Not just for him, his friends, or his family. But for everyone feeling the same. In this world of emotional fatigue, where we are bombarded with empathy so much that we grow numb- things like this can feel like it's really breaking me.

I don't know the people I pass on the street, or the people I reblog from or read the stories of. Yet my heart still feels for all of you. Because I know how I feel, and I know I'm not alone in it.

Growth is cruel, it hurts. It's life chiselling away at us as if we were unfeeling stone. Hacking out our form with furious cracks. But we're flesh and blood. We feel it all. And I truly hate how this pain is deemed as "necessary" it shouldn't have to be.

So please, please. Hold strong. Please hold onto the people around you. Because it will hurt. It will keep hurting. But It's not forever. We're almost done growing. There will be an end to this pain. This isn't forever. You shouldn't be burdened with getting over it. Don't hold yourself to that. Because you'll only get it over it when you find your own peace. That can't be rushed by expectations and guilt.

Sometimes I read stories and see the Romantic Leads interact. I watch in pain as one of them admits that they can't do it any anymore. They can't live their life alone and in pain. Then I watch in jealousy as their partner holds them and tells them they don't have to. They can let go of all their burdens and pains, because their partner is there for them. They will help them carry it all. And isn't that beautiful?

I feel awful guilt sometimes as a Christian. I've heard some awful things from corrupt churches, and I've had friends saying, "God will heal you if you ask". I wonder sometimes if they realise that I hear, "why are you still sick? What are you doing wrong that God isn't healing you? What's wrong with you."

I wish more churches confronted this. More of them said that it's okay to hurt and struggle. It's okay to not be healed. Because sometimes we're going to be sick. Sometimes we're hurt, and sometimes we don't see the real issue. I have repeated this many times in this post, but I want to reiterate it differently. Especially with this in mind.

We need to stop praying for healing, and looking for miracles to get better. We need to stop thinking that normalcy is the focus.

If you pray for anything, pray for peace. Pray for love. Pray for the confidence to seek someone out and ask for help. Pray for someone to hold you, so you can release your burdens. Pray for them to pick those burdens up with you, because you don't have to do it alone.

That's what will bring you true healing. Of this I know, of this I am certain. Because you don't need a romantic partner to find this. Because you don't need healing to achieve this. You really can get this all right now. But it is something that requires you to step out of your comfort zone and ask.

You don't have to ask God. I know a lot of people here have been hurt by religion and churches. This isn't a post to convert people like google docs and push my beliefs.

But you should ask someone.

Because your soul needs release. No matter who you are, and what you're going through, you need moments where you can trust in others to hold you. People can be trusted. I have no doubt you've been hurt in the past, because I have too. It was probably by someone you trusted most. That happened to me too. But that's not everyone.

If you are having a hard time. I ache for you. I understand. I feel the pain too. If you'll allow me, I'll pray for you. I can't handle life stories right now, or discussions. My own health isn't there. But if anyone wants to know that someone is thinking for them, and their health. Shoot me a dm, ask me to add you to my prayer list. I don't need to know why, so don't feel like you have to say anything specific either.

I'll pray for you day in and day out. Even if it's just one person, you can add me to the list of people that care about you. Even if we never talk again, and you don't want to talk again, I'll happily pray for you. Because I ache for you all, I truly do. I feel like I will fall apart when I hear of all the suffering around me. I so selfishly want to fix it all, and I wish I could. I want to be able to hold everyone who is hurting and tell them that I can carry their burdens for them. I just wish I could take all the pain away.

I know I can't. But I want to. So even if it's just the idea of it. I want to hug your hurts away, soothe your pain, and brush your tears away. Even for a moment. This will end. There will be peace.

With that, I want to say that I hope everyone stays strong. This age range is turbulent for a reason. Remember to hold on.

If you are experiencing any thoughts of harm or other extreme ideations, then please call one of the toll free help lines. They're there for a reason. These people are there to help. They're there for anyone to use. They're perfect if you need to talk instantly. I don't know how to write this without a total tonal shift, but it's important to bring this in.

https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp

^

This is a link to an engine to find help lines. Please use it if you are having intense feelings or on the precipace of a breakdown. I can't say where that line is for you, but I pray for you to have the wisdom to know if you should call.

You don't need death to find peace. I promise you of that.

[teklarn]

hi, this is my first ever ask so I'm not sure I'm doing this correctly, if that's the case I'm sorry; I don't know how tumblr works just yet >:')

would it be possible for you to write something about bakugo, pining incredibly hard for fem!reader and initially hating how strongly he feels about her? because they're not even friends, they only exchange few words occasionally and she doesn't even glance at his way whereas he slowly finds himself unable to divert his eyes from her during classes? shes always with damn deku and his friends and doesn't even seem interested in him at all but his heart can't ignore the way she looks at him proudly whenever they spar together, the way she sends him small confident smiles as they fight each other with all they have; so he thinks that maybe, maybe he might have a chance. basically bakugo liking reader so much he's completely lost in self-hatred because he always thought feelings were for weak romantics and not great people like him, but everytime he sees reader doing some badass things (again, like sparring with him and basically matching his skills etc...) he's reminded of how badly he likes reader? but when he finally accepts he's fallen for reader, after ignoring and trying to forget about how she makes him feel, he masters up the courage to confess? and it's a very clumsy confession because he's awkward and has no idea how to deal with those feelings? and he tries so hard to make reader realise he's never been more serious than now? and reader is startled and speechless before rejecting him? and at that point he's just completely humiliated, so he nods and walks away.

it might be a little dramatic but I've always been into unrequited love and one-sided pining. thank you, its okay if you don't want to write about this, i'll understand <33

𝓫𝓻𝓾𝓽𝓪𝓵 - 𝓴. 𝓫𝓪𝓴𝓾𝓰𝓸𝓾

character(s): katsuki bakugou x fem!reader (my hero academia) 

reblogs are greatly appreciated! 

a/n: AHHHHH this is so cute <33 honestly this is super exciting for me and this ask made me so happy, lovey. i’m fairly new to tumblr, i’m usually just a reader but i wanted to migrate here from wattpad so this made me so happy. here u are my love <33 i hope this lives up to what u wanted !! :)) a bit lengthy, but i had a lot of fun writing it !!! 

summary: bakugou finds he’s rejecting his feelings for you in fear of becoming weak, however he just can’t seem to ignore you. 

genre: fluffy, fluffier than the clouds istg, however the clouds are sprinking a little teeny weeny droplet of angst. 

warnings: cursing (bakugou, duhh), one-sided pining (on bakugou’s part) second hand embarrassment (on bakugou’s part bc we can all agree he’s a complete idiot when it comes to trying to get someone’s attention), just bakugou being a jackass, i gave the reader a quirk 

word count: 3,859 

(pls excuse any typos or mistakes, i edited to the best of my ability but i miss some things sometimes !) 

- - - 

part 2 is here my loves <3

brutal. it was utterly ruthless. he couldn’t focus, couldn’t think right. his hands were already exceptionally sweaty, but gosh when he saw your damn face, he was ready to explode. literally. 

what the hell was it about you? was it your stupid smile? or the way you just seemed to carry every battle on your back? was it all the undeniably sweet things you do for others ‘just because’? 

it made him angry that he thought about you, but gosh he couldn’t wait to see you every day. 

just like any other day, bakugou found himself staring at the large door to the classroom, awaiting the moment you would bounce into his day, skirt shifting around your legs, bag slung loosely around your shoulders. 

his leg was bouncing eagerly. 

bakugou didn’t know when the feelings came. his cheeks just started flaring up all of a sudden and one day you just looked...different. you hadn’t done anything different to yourself. it was just him. not that he would ever admit that, to you or anybody else. 

you were insufferable. you were stupid and obnoxious and so...so damn... 

“y/n! come look at this!” 

you’d come walking into class just as expected, and as soon as you did, that stupid nerd had called you over. 

it didn’t help that deku sat right behind him, either. the two of you had recently gotten closer. bakugou noticed it last month when he yelled at the two of you to shut up about all might and get to work. he’d turned around to find you leaning over deku, hands resting on his shoulders while you peered at his phone. 

“sorry, bakugou,” you’d said, barely acknowledging him. you had waved him off like an annoying fly. is that all you were to him? some nuisance that got in the way of your oh-so-entertaining conversations with deku? 

all he heard nearly every day was your chipper voice talking to deku. always, “oh my gosh, midoriya, did you see the fight edgeshot was in last night?” or “midoriya! i have something to add to our quirk analysis book!” 

that was the one that took the cake. you two dorks shared a notebook, occasionally passed between one another, and filled it with junk about quirks and pro heroes. but no matter how much he tried to tune you out, no matter how he tried to zone off and think about something else, you were always there. it made him want to vomit how much he thought about you. 

you were doing an adorable shuffle over to midoriya’s desk and leaned over the table as you usually did while he angled his phone your way. “did you see this hero report?” 

deku let you slip the phone out of his grasp to get a better look. 

“no,” you breathed. “was this just recent?” 

“yeah,” deku said, taking the phone back. “last night.” 

“holy—” 

“can you guys shut up over there?” bakugou said, his voice quaking. 

“sorry, kacchan.” deku scrolled through the article. 

dammit, bakugou thought. “i wasn’t talking to you, nerd. i was talking to shitface over here.” he jerked his head towards you. his eyes flared in anger when he saw you were looking down at your phone, now focused in on the article yourself. “i was talking to you, asshat!” 

your eyes flicked up to his. you looked around for a moment before slowly pointing to yourself as if to say, “me?” 

his face scrunched. “yeah, you. you’re so damn loud.” gosh, he hated how his voice was cracking, how he could feel his ears and cheeks lighting up in a swollen, cherry red. his stomach flipped. 

she’s looking at you, gosh i’m sweating. i’m going to throw up. she’s so gorgeous. what the hell? they’re ugly as shit, i don’t think anything of them. 

his eyes bore into yours. 

“did you...need something?” 

your voice broke his trance. 

“kacchan, are you okay? you dozed off there for a second. you look like you’re burning up.” 

bakugou looked to deku who was currently stretching out of his seat, arm extended. he pressed the back of his hand to bakugou’s forehead. “you’re really warm, kacchan. should we call recovery girl?” 

it took him a moment to realize what was happening. his vision got blurry every time he was with you. bakugou smacked deku’s hand away. “i’m fine!” his voice lifted at the end, cracking. “i’m not sick. don’t you think i’d take better care of myself?” 

“i don’t doubt you take good care of yourself, kacchan, but everyone gets sick once in a while. there’s nothing wrong with that.” 

“i never get sick!” besides, if i got sick, i wouldn’t want you to be the one taking care of me. 

he was still pissed. he was always in a bad mood, however, more so right now because you’d gone straight back to your phone and that stupid hero article that was supposedly so damn interesting. 

soon enough, the bell rang, and you were seated at your desk. it was jirou’s old spot, however, after much convincing, you two had switched spots so you could be closer to deku. just a few months of getting close to the idiot and you two are suddenly best friends. jirou hadn’t minded one tiny bit, claiming she needed a break from how loud that section of the room was. 

late as always, aizawa came trudging into your room. thankfully, his entire body wasn’t obscured by a yellow sleeping bag that smelled of something unwashed and coffee and gasoline. (for some reason, aizawa’s clothes always smelled of it.) 

“lucky for you,” he began while shuffling papers on his desk, “all of you are doing training for these first periods.”

the class cheered in perfect unison, followed by their individual chatter. you had erupted with glee along with them, and bakugou was sure he felt his heart clench and then explode. just a tiny bit. but he shoved the feeling down just as quickly as it had come up. 

“go out to the field and wait for further instructions. don’t make a sound in the halls otherwise, i’ll expel all of you.” 

this shut everyone up in almost a second, the sound draining out just as water does. the first years trailed out into the hall, single-file mimicking the positions baby ducklings would take when following their mother. 

bakugou found himself walking faster when he saw you take up your spot in the line, hoping to land his spot right behind you. 

unfortunately, this idiot who considered himself bakugou’s friend tugged him back. “bakugou!” a familiar voice rasped. 

“shitty hair, let go of me.” 

“hey man, chill out. wanna partner up if we’re doing training in pairs?” 

bakugou glanced at the line, the spot that should have been reserved for him now taken up by sato. 

bakugou tugged his sleeve from kirishima’s hand. “whatever,” he snapped. 

“sounds good!” kirishima flashed him a toothy grin and a thumbs-up. the bubbly feeling in bakugou’s chest died down as he stood behind sato, the overwhelming scent of sugar filling his nose, various candies that would go straight to your arteries. 

“you smell like ass, damn,” bakugou remarked, squeezing his nostrils together. 

luckily, sato was tall enough to not hear the insult, as he towered over bakugou by just another head. the line began moving like a sloppy train down to the change rooms. 

bakugou scoffed as he listened to your giggle. he should be making you laugh. 

- 

“you’ll be given partners randomly from this box.” aizawa held up a familiar red box. “inside are all your names. i’ll select one, then that person will come up and pick another name from the box. that will be your assigned partner for today. as soon as you have your assigned partner, i want you guys to get straight to work.” 

denki raised a hand, speaking before being called on. “sensei, why are we getting random partners? we’re always allowed to choose.” 

“in the real world, you’re going to come across different villains every day. you’ll never improve your skills or your quirks if you keep fighting the same person.” 

denki sighed, slumping back. 

dammit, bakugou thought, gritting his teeth together. there wasn’t any way he wanted to be partners with you. it’s obvious he’d win the fight in the first few seconds. 

yes! exactly right! bakugou internally grinned. his fluctuating feelings had finally soothed themselves. you were just another extra, and he had no room for you in his head. 

aizawa took a moment to fiddle with the slips of paper inside the box. soon enough, he pulled out a name. “todoroki.” 

todoroki walked up, digging his hand into the box when aizawa held it out for him. he pulled out a name, delicately unraveling the slip. “uraraka, you’re my partner.” he deadpanned. 

the brunette grinned. “great!” 

the two found their own spot on the field, and the class’s attention was once again diverted to their grouchy teacher as he pulled out another name. 

“bakugou.” 

bakugou strutted up without a worry in his mind. he pulled a name to find... 

“y/n,” he said, voice a low growl. instead of the annoying fluttering in his chest, his eyes met yours, and they were filled with a different, new ferocity. he crumpled the paper in one hand, letting it twirl to the ground. 

you looked at him, unsmiling. your eyes gave away nothing, and to bakugou’s knowledge, all you saw in him was another opponent. 

it took him a moment to realize you had both locked eyes for about a minute. perhaps the two of you would have stayed as you were if aizawa hadn’t snapped at the two of you to get moving as yaomomo’s name was called. 

bakugou was on his way to the back of the field, you followed close behind. while there was plenty of room still, he chose a secluded area. while it was still open enough to view everything going on so nobody got hurt, it was often nobody chose to train here. for whatever reason, you weren’t sure. 

“wait up, bakugou,” you said. after a bit, you caught up to him. 

“if you can’t keep up, then...” then what? he looked at you from the side of his eye. “then don’t keep up...” gosh, here came the embarrassing, disgusting feeling of redness in his cheeks. 

you laughed. “what?” 

“shut up.” 

“you’re an idiot, bakugou.” 

“i said shut the hell up!”

“what, so you can call me shitface in front of the entire class but you get all pissed when i call you an idiot?” 

so you had heard him! 

he tongued his cheek, curling his hands around an invisible ball, explosions sparking in the centers of his palms. “don’t expect me to hold back, dumbass.” 

“i wouldn’t dream of it.” 

gosh he loved that about you. 

bakugou caught his thought in the air. 

ahem...gosh he hated that about you. 

you both charged in at the same time. his cry was louder than yours, but you struck first. 

he admired your quirk. while he’d overhead you explaining all the drawbacks it had, it was strong, and you were strong because you knew how to control it. 

purple arrows flew from your arms, going in your desired directions. if you lost focus for one moment, they’d vanish and weaken. if you focused too hard or long, you’d be plagued by a splitting headache. 

he’d spent too much time obsessing over your strengths and weaknesses.  

your arrows were weightless, however they were solid objects capable of carrying any mass, any thing, and worked as extensions of your body. 

the violet arrow had shot out at him, twisting around his right gauntlet and crushing inwards. it’d snaked around him without him noticing, slithering along his back. 

bakugou struggled to get the air-light arrow off his wrist, but it was no use. he glared back, only to see your focused, furrowed brows. he’d expected to see your cocky ass smiling. it was nice to see you weren’t. 

that was one thing that had also caught his eye. you never underestimate your opponent, but you never underestimate yourself, either. 

you conjured a larger arrow. it snaked around your right arm as you hurled bakugou into the air, releasing your grasp on him. you shot your other arrow into the air, and it raced into the sky. 

it swerved. bakugou’s eyes went wide as the tip of the arrow came down on his chest. if they weren’t intangible things, he would have been bleeding out. 

another drawback: the arrows, while they could solidify, they couldn’t do any actual damage. you had to use your surroundings to inflict harm on your opponent. 

he coughed out as the arrow shot him into the ground. he hadn’t even touched you, and here he was, vulnerable and so...so... 

you stood over him, hands on your hips. 

vulnerable and so lost in that adorable, winning smile. 

“get away from me, idiot,” he grunted and turned onto his side, his back crying out in pain. 

“i think i won this fight, bakugou,” you chirped, rocking on your heels. 

“don’t get arrogant, shithead. you won’t be winning against me anymore.” 

you grinned, arrows shooting out behind your back. 

- 

the dorms were exceptionally quiet. you were typing away in the common room, bakugou on the couch reading. everyone was off doing something else. it was the weekend, luckily. he’d expected you to go bounding out with everyone else, however you’d stayed back, claiming you had some homework to catch up on. 

bakugou being classic bakugou had stayed back. he was excited to have the dorm to himself, but your dumbass was stuck here with him. couldn’t you have done your typing in your room? 

you were so aggressive on that poor keyboard. 

“oi, quiet down with your shit typing.” 

you barely grunted in response. 

“don’t ignore me.” 

“i heard you, mom.” 

“the hell did you call me?” 

no response. only your aggressive typing is a bit less aggressive. 

“i can still hear it,” bakugou remarked, eyes fixed on your back. 

“‘kay,” you said. your typing slowed a tad, and your pressure on the keys lessened. 

it was quiet now. bakugou should go back to his book. he shouldn’t still be looking for a reason to talk to you. 

the pages crinkled in his fingers. he bit his tongue, keeping his snarky comments in. 

“you’re a fucking idiot, you know that? doing your damn homework. it’s due tomorrow.” 

you turned, pursing your lips. “and how would you know what i’m working on? are you stalking me?” 

“i- what? no. you’re such an idiot, of course i’m not—” 

“i’m messing with you,” you breathed, face un-moving. 

“o-oh,” bakugou stuttered out. he blinked awkwardly. 

“gosh, what’s gotten your panties in a twist?” 

“you’re annoying.” 

“you’re a jackass.” you returned to your work. bakugou settled with reading in his room. reading consisted of jumping onto his bed just as the stereotypical high school girl would in an eighties movie. he buried his face in his pillow, face burning bright red. he cursed you for making him feel this way, and hated himself even more for how much he enjoyed it. 

- 

the next day came swiftly. you’d left early to go train with midoriya. there were many improvements needed to be made, but you weren’t doing too bad.

you propelled yourself forwards with an arrow, and your green-haired friend shot back, lightning flickering around his body. 

landing back on the ground, you panted and swiped the sweat from your brow. from the corner of your eye, you could make out both kirishima and bakugou coming to the training grounds. 

bakugou stopped in his tracks, frowning at the sight of you. 

it was evident he hated you a bit more than everyone else. he was always making his annoying comments, he was always snubbing you. you saw no reason to talk to him, so you didn’t. either way, even if you tried, he would still get angry for no reason. 

it’d taken you quite some time to get used to his obnoxious attitude. tuning him out had been the best course of action, in your opinion. 

the way you and midoriya had bonded was through bakugou, in a way. the first day of school, bakugou had snapped at you for tripping over your laces and nearly crashing into him. later that day, midoriya had stepped up and apologized for his old friend’s actions. 

you two had never been too close until now. the recent incidents going on with the league of villains had snagged your attention, and it seemed you were the only person who didn’t mind listening to him ramble on about heroes. 

you were just as passionate and just as dorky, but midoriya could talk your ear off. you never minded, and he always took the hint when you didn’t want to listen. 

you brought your leg up, twirling in the air with ease and watched your heel collide with midoriya’s face. he grunted, stumbling back. 

you were about to charge in again when a hand landed on your shoulder, big and rough. you turned to see bakugou standing behind you, a scowl on his face. 

“fight me again,” he demanded. 

“excuse me?” 

“don’t act like you didn’t hear me.” 

“i’m in the middle of fighting midoriya right now.” 

“so?”

“so if you think that i’m just going to ditch my friend because you want to fight, i won’t.” 

“you’re being stubborn.” 

“i’m being reasonable. back off.” 

“y/n?” midoriya rubbed his jaw—right where you had struck him. “what’s going on?” he jogged up to you and bakugou. 

“he wants to fight me in the middle of our fight. it’s nothing serious. don’t worry about it, midoriya. let’s just ignore him.” 

bakugou made a sound someone would only make if they were choking. “the hell did you just say?” 

“we’re ignoring you!” you waved him off and placed your hand on midoriya’s shoulder, wandering away. 

-

it was new to him, not getting what he wanted. and what he wanted right now was to be around you. again, it wasn’t like he would ever admit that to himself. 

“dude? you good? i thought you went off to fight y/n. i was so ready to cheer you on, dude,” kirishima’s chipper voice piped in. “she’s not fighting with you? why not?” 

“the dumbass was just probably scared of getting her ass beat by me.” 

“dude...that sounds really weird.” 

“whatever, shitty hair. let’s go.” 

- 

the clock ticked. his ears were on fire. again. 

gosh, it was happening again. it was all you. his face scrunched up, his voice would surely crack if someone were to ask him what was wrong. 

bakugou was once again stuffing his face in his pillow, hiding his expression from no one. why did you have to go train with that shitty nerd? why were you always around deku? deku, of all people. what did he have? why was he so great? 

bakugou was a man of many insecurities, but losing to deku? that was possibly his biggest fear. 

perhaps he wasn’t the nicest, or the most soft person out there. bakugou could admit that, at least. but he was smarter than deku. he was stronger and he was better and people liked him more. right? 

what was so...amazing about deku? 

it was often bakugou would find himself obsessing over little, insignificant things such as these. 

you were what he was thinking of most of the time. just yesterday, he’d gotten a test returned. he was expecting an eighty at the lowest, but more so expecting a high ninety. it’d come back exactly sixty percent. 

sixty. percent.

bakugou vividly remembered staring at your face. he also remembered not being able to focus because of it. his grades were dropping because of you. 

you were the only person to be able to do this to him. 

his heart grew quiet, but the pounding of his didn’t cease. he lifted his head. 

“alright, fine,” he said aloud. “you win, y/n. you win.” 

he settled with getting over his feelings the way he’d read them in his collection of romance manga. 

bakugou left his room and knocked on your door. (he was banging on it, but it was his nice way of knocking.) 

you answered, looking around awkwardly. “yes?” 

his hands shook. how was this supposed to go? sure, he’d seen it in romance movies and read it in books but it was always easy to tell whether the guy would get the girl or not. 

in this instance, bakugou was clueless. for once in his life, he was clueless. you stood, tapping your foot with a hand on your hip, waiting expectantly for him to tell you why he was here. 

“um.” he scratched behind his neck. “you uh- i uh...i’m sorry i called you a, um...a shitface.” 

“okay? is that it?” 

what? come on! it was already unlike him to apologize. what else did you want from him? 

“did you...i’ve been thinking, maybe? maybe we could..train together as...friends?”  

“...what?” 

gosh dammit, as friends? 

“whatever, um...the uh...” oh gosh, what did the boys do in all the books he’d read? right! bakugou stretched out his arm, resting his forearm on the door, leaning to the side. 

although he didn’t, really, because like the clumsy jackass he was, bakugou missed completely and nearly toppled to the floor. 

this earned a snicker from you. 

his stomach flipped and churned, and bakugou found himself unable to reach your eyes. “uh, would you maybe..? okay, um. do you want to go on a date with me? you absolute fucking dumbass.” 

your eyes flew wide. “...what?” 

“no, that’s not what i— i mean i didn’t mean the last part. um, i meant the first part. the first two parts. the part where i was asking you if you wanted to go on a date with me and then before that when i said maybe because it’s still a maybe until you say yes. or...or no because that’s an option too.” 

he swallowed. 

you resisted the urge to mock him, just a little bit. “um, bakugou, listen.” 

he leaned closer. “yes?” 

“it’s going to be a no. i’m sorry, but i’m just not interested in you like that.” 

it took him a moment to register everything. his shoulders sagged. gosh that was brutal. 

“oh, alright.” 

“yeah, uh, sorry about that.” you offered him a weak smile, still a bit shocked yourself. he did his best to return it, and when you closed the door, his face was ready to explode. 

it was so damn difficult to deal with these feelings, but maybe it was better this way. knowing where you stood on your end, he knew he wouldn’t miss out on anything. 

perhaps it was alright to admire from afar. things could happen in the future, right? 

right now, he’d just wait. for a long, long time. bakugou pressed a hand to his chest, feeling his erratic heartbeat. maybe it was alright to not have you right now. perhaps he could better himself for you. just for you. 

[stayevildarling]

Wilhemina Venable x Reader- Sick

word count: 5.4k

warnings: mention of scoliosis, sickness, dizziness, angst + fluff

A/N: Hi everyone! I can't believe this is my first sick fic but I just had to do one with Wilhemina x Reader. If anyone would like to see some more, I might do a series of these with Cordelia or Ally or even Billie. (Let me know)

This is dedicated to a very special person I met on Tumblr- I hope you remember to take a break from time to time and look after yourself! ✨

Taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker , @mrsdeanhoward , @alexajbitar , @in-cordelias-coven , @kenzbro , @loverofallthingssarah , @twistedpoeticjustice , @billiebeanhoward , @minaslittleone , @lilypadscoven , @vintagepaulson , @ninaahs , @whitelotus00 , @httpfiftyshadesofgay

''If you decide to go into work, it's at your own risk, don't come running to me afterwards, if you don't feel well'' Wilhemina's harsh words ring through your ears as you stand by your desk, trying to focus on the tasks ahead. All you can feel, as your hand wanders to the table, desperately looking for some support to not lose balance, to not give your legs the power to stop supporting you and to fight your body from giving up and letting exhaustion win.

In reality, Wilhemina's words weren't supposed to come out as harsh and rushed as they did, her stern and cold tone and demeanor, only a defensive mechanism for the woman, trying to hide her true feelings that are buried deep within her soul. She meant to protect you, from yourself mostly but also the sickness and the flu that had come knocking about a week ago, but you being stubborn pushing it away as if it wasn't real or meaningful.

However, as you stand by your desk, trying hard not to lose balance, you realize that all along Wilhemina had been right and you should have listened. The times, she told you to stop working so much and doing over hours as your job demanded it, the times she told you that making her a bath or cooking dinner isn't necessary that day. The times she told you to take care of yourself and simply lie down but you wouldn't listen, always caring more about everyone else's wellbeing, especially the redheads than your own.

''Miss Y/L/N, have you finished your assigned task yet by chance?'' you hear the voice of your boss, as she enters and you wish she didn't, as her voice only adds to the throbbing pain in your head, causing your vision to blur and everything to feel even more unbearable than it already does.

With all the fight and strength left in you, you manage to turn around and grab the folder, handing it to her with shaky hands. You had always been good at hiding, either fighting battles of sickness or overwhelming thoughts, drowning in your own emotions deep down but remaining to keep a perfect facade and smile to the people on the outside, so they didn't understand and learn your true feelings as you see no reason to bother them with it. However, no matter how much you try and hide this and pretend that you aren't consumed by sickness fighting your body, it's very visible in your features.

Even though your boss is a very hectic person, always caring about performing well and getting work done as ''efficiently and quickly as possible'' as she repeats on a daily basis, even she manages to notice your fragile state. Your face, which is usually filled with light and warm smiles, doesn't just lack the genuine smile and warmth but also color as you are incredibly pale. She quickly connects the dots, noticing how your hand is gripping around the desk still and how your other hand is shaking uncontrollably.

''Miss Y/L/N, are you feeling alright?'' you hear her ask before your eyes feel heavier as the exhaustion is slowly creeping up on you and you have trouble concentrating on what is happening, as you feel more in a dream-like state. For a moment, everything seems to pause and you only snap out of it when you feel some weight pressing on your shoulders and someone forcing you to sit down on a chair they pulled closer.

Only as you force your eyes open, slightly confused and dumbfounded at what is happening,  you realize it's your boss making you sit down and walking to the other end of the room to get some water for you. ''Miss Y/L/N while I appreciate your determination, you should have called in sick this morning'' she explains, while handing you a glass of water with a compassionate smile but the concern visible in her features. ''I just wanted to-to finish the'' you start but stop midway as you feel sick at the pure sensation of water in your mouth, let alone swallowing it.

''I understand but you need some rest, that much is plain, need me to call someone for you?'' she asks but you instantly tense, knowing your girlfriend Wilhemina will definitely not be amused if she has to pick you up from work, after explicitly telling you not to go in the first place, this morning and last night. Not to mention, she is at her own workplace, having to deal with her own piles of work, her constant back pain, and two idiot bosses on top of it all.

''No I am ok- okay'' you manage to get the words out and force your best smile, knowing if you aren't going to be convincing enough, she might not let you leave without calling someone. ''Very well but you better not show your face here, until you are truly better'' she warns, with a little smile, knowing how determined you are, and while she appreciates your work attitude a lot, she knows you tend to overwork yourself and forgetting to take care of yourself in the process.

Taking a deep breath, you somehow manage to prop yourself up and grab your bag, taking slow but steady steps towards the exit and the bus stop. As you walk through the corridor, momentarily blinded by the bright lights flickering, you are well aware you shouldn't attempt to get on the bus, considering there is still a little walk back to yours and Wilhemina's apartment but you could never bother your girlfriend with this, not because she told you so in the first place but because you need to remain stable and alright.

As you walk through exit and towards the bus stop, you feel some droplets of rain on your skin and instantly shiver a little as the cold water only adds to the uncomfortable feeling. Focussing on your vision and the bus timetable as you actually don't know the times because you would usually never leave work after two hours, the dizziness momentarily passes a little as the thoughts become overwhelming. Waves of uncomfortable thoughts crash into your brain, with no way of stopping ''What if they will fire me, what if people will be disappointed in me, what if Wilhemina hates me?''.

You try your best to take deep breaths and push the thoughts away but the only thing usually helpful at keeping the storm and waves of emotions at bay, is the woman you are trying to hide this from. Usually, she could tell by how stressed or anxious you seem and without addressing it much, she will just pull you into her arms or let your exhausted body rest on her lap, the soft hums and stroking her fingers through your hair, stopping the thoughts momentarily.

''Are you getting on Miss?'' you hear a male unfamiliar voice, snapping you out of your thoughts and noticing that somehow the bus already arrived and you blink a few times, confused whether you just stood there for ages, unable to focus on anything in reality anymore or if it just happened to arrive so quickly. ''Miss?'' he tries again, his voice now showing a slight sign of impatience. Your mind automatically connects it with Wilhemina's impatience whenever you would just admire her, completely taken back by her beauty and features and the same agitation in her voice, as she would try to speak to you.

''Yes,'' you quickly say and get on the bus, showing your ticket like you would every morning. Finally collapsing onto the nearest seat you can find, leaning your head against the window and closing your eyes, you feel some of the exhaustion fade as you sit on a comfortable surface. Your thoughts wander back to Wilhemina and it suddenly dawns on you that you haven't even texted her your usual good morning text yet or checked-in how her work is going. A small part of you wants to avoid any confrontation with her today as you are still worried, she will be mad at you.

After all, maybe you could avoid all the questions and confrontation if you simply lied. Of course, you are fully aware it won't be easy to lie to your girlfriend, especially with her always being able to tell but you wonder if you could somehow pull it off. Pretending to still be at work and only got off work a bit earlier, not to worry her and not to argue, as she did tell you after all not to come running to her.

Deciding on actually messaging her and pulling your phone out of your bag, you realize it was a mistake as soon as the bright screen blinds your vision yet again. All you could see before your eyes force shut, is Wilhemina's name on your screen but you can't begin to read the messages as your fragile state isn't allowing you to do so. Deciding on dealing with that later, you rest your head against the window and zone out for a while, trying hard not to fall asleep on the bus and end up somewhere entirely opposite to your direction and final stop- home.

Part of you doesn't remember how you ended up in bed a while later, your brain too tired to remember the details of getting off the bus at the right stop and walking aimlessly for a few minutes before you found yourself in front of your shared apartment. Thankfully, along the way, your subconsciousness took over and guided your body home safely, as you were in no state to focus on much anymore, your body on autopilot mode.

As soon as your tired body finally comes into contact with your mattress, pulling the blanket closer to your face and snuggling up comfortably, you feel relieved, and before any more waves of overwhelming thoughts arrive, your body finally allows itself to rest and you fall into a deep slumber. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you remembered to set an alarm for in a few hours, making sure you would be awake for when Wilhemina would return, even in your sleepy and sick state, still keeping track of everything and keeping your perfect facade up.

However, whenever you try and protect everyone around you, considering every detail perfectly you tend to ignore yourself in the process and checking in on how you are feeling or how decisions might affect you. As a result, you didn't just take a small nap like intended, you fell asleep, sleeping off most of the fever and letting your tired body fight the illness. However, due to your state, you fail to wake up from the alarm or wake up to Wilhemina coming home from work, a little early as she couldn't reach you all day, not the usual lunchtime call or messages you would sent her, no matter how busy you are.

As soon as Wilhemina unlocks the door, discarding her small purple handbag on the table, she walks through the apartment in an effort to find you, her cane hitting the floor hard and with a heavy force, reflecting what she is feeling inside. Of course, she had known you haven't been feeling well and not only hiding it from her but also trying to push through like you usually would. The redhead didn't mean to lash out at you or use the harsh words she did in the end but your actions and behavior reminded the sometimes stern woman of her own behavior. Always ignoring her back pain and pushing through endless emails or documents on her desk, regretting it the same day or days later when the pain felt unbearable, and yet she still hid it from everyone.

She was trying to look out for you, the times she told you not to go in, take a break, and also when she said she wouldn't be there. Of course, she would, Wilhemina loves you and her love for you has been both the most confusing and strong thing she has ever felt for anyone. You had crashed into Wilhemina's life like a thunder, unexpected, and with heavy force, she had no idea the day you walked into her life, it would change everything. It didn't just change Wilhemina herself and being able to open up slowly, it also allowed her to feel emotions and understand them as something positive and not something you should try and hide or avoid at all costs. From day one you had brought out her soft side, allowing those walls to tumble down and letting the light and love into her life as her heart has been a dark and lonely place for long enough.

Her first stop is the kitchen, hoping deep down she wouldn't find you cooking in there, or the dining room with a meal prepared, as she wouldn't want you to overwork yourself even more after work. After not finding you there, she checks the bathroom but no sign of you either, only to finally be met with the bedroom in complete darkness. Slightly dumbfounded, she switches the light on, the lamp slowly filling the room with light and exposing your fragile, shivering body on the bed.

Wilhemina's heart almost breaks at the sight, seeing you in such discomfort and knowing at the same time it must be bad if you voluntarily went to bed early and skip the usual responsibilities that aren't actually your chores or Wilhemina expecting them of you but you thinking that regardless. She slowly approaches the bed, her cane hitting the floor very carefully and quiet now, sure to not wake you up in the process, as she wouldn't want to startle you or add to the discomfort you are in.

She finds you wrapped in a blanket, still wearing the clothes you had left in this morning and Wilhemina knows if you willingly did that, you must have felt awful when you returned home. Her hand wanders closer to your face, gently tucking at the blanket so she can take a look at your face. She gasps a little when she sees how pale you are, droplets of sweat on your forehead at the same time and her heart breaks at the sight, seeing her little one in this much pain and distress.

For a moment the redhead debates what to do as she has never been great at taking care of anyone or allowing people to take care of herself. As a child, she was often told not to exaggerate, that her back pain isn't that bad, that it doesn't need checking out from doctors and that she just has to deal with it. Eventually, she started to believe it and the emotional abuse she suffered in her young years, combined with the pain, made the redhead believe that she isn't worthy of affection or love or someone taking care of her. Even till this day, she barely allows you to help her out with her pains, not liking the fact anyone would show her the affection and tender care that was lacking in her younger years.

Gently, her hand reaches for your forehead, her rational thinking kicking in now to determine the state and severity of your illness. As soon as the back of her palm comes into contact with your forehead, she gasps, her facial expression changing from concerned and wishing she could just cure you right there, into worrying and shock. Her nostrils flare as she has no idea how you managed to get through the last hours and at the same time feeling angry, that you kept her in the dark and didn't call her. A small part of Wilhemina understands however, as she would have done the same thing, hide, keep the perfect smile and pretend like nothing is bothering her.

Wilhemina stands there for a moment, looking over your body exhausted from sickness, deciding on what to do, her rational side is telling her to take you to a doctor but there is no way she would trust them. The redhead woman had too many bad experiences before to trust them again, often mistreated with her back or prescripted the wrong medication and there is no way she would ever let her little one go through similar experiences. In the end, she decides on the only thing logical which is taking care of you herself, right at home. She balances on her cane again, trying to be quiet before walking into the kitchen to retrieve the necessary items.

The ruffling noises, mixed with cane tapping coming from the kitchen, as well as the cold unknown feeling on your forehead a little while ago, end up waking you up from your slumber, and instantly your body tenses up as you realize Wilhemina is home. In your slightly panicked state, overwhelmed with the thoughts on how to get out of this situation, ignoring the throbbing headache or the fact the room is spinning from the lack of food and water today, you once again fail to acknowledge what is right in front of you.

Right in front of you, stands Wilhemina, your girlfriend, a little tray in her hand, trying to balance it with the support of her cane and free hand, looking at you with a confused reaction, both about the fact you are awake and also the fact you are staring at the wall, not moving at all. ''Little one, you are awake'' she states, her voice sounding a little softer than usual. Instantly you snap out of it, panic once again rippling through your body as you fear her reaction, ignoring the fact she is standing in front of you with a little tray with water, soup, and medication.

Wilhemina notices you tensing, ignoring the uncomfortable feeling in her back that the carrying of the tray had caused her, she walks closer to the bed, putting the tray on the night table finally, before breathing out a moment as the uncomfortable feeling leaves her. She turns to you, her eyebrows furrowing again, the concern now very visible in her features, unable to hide it any longer and not caring about that, your wellbeing her main priority.

''Little one'' she states, her head tilting slightly and her eyes slowly locking with yours as you force yourself to take a look at your girlfriend. As soon as you take a look at the redhead, you feel partly relieved as there is no sign of anger visible but at the same time, you feel awful for the concern you had caused her, not to mention the back pain you must have caused her, considering her awkward posture, standing in front of you, still balancing both hands on her cane. Finally, as your eyes wander to the little tray, you feel like bursting into tears at the fact Wilhemina had done this for you, considering she must have just returned from work and you knowing how hard things like these are for her with her condition.

''Mina?'' your voice cracks not only from the feeling of knives in your throat as illness seems to have taken up most of your body but also tears building up, both guilty ones putting Wilhemina through the effort as well as sad ones that your walls are breaking down, right here in front of the woman you usually encourage to let her walls down and true emotions in.

''I'm here little one'' she whispers, her hand wandering to your cheek, cupping it gently and stroking it with the back of her palm. It doesn't take words to exchange what is on each other's mind, you feeling sorry for lying and pushing, realizing now that indeed your partner had been right from the start. And Wilhemina also feeling guilty for using such harsh words on you this morning and at the same time upset to see her girl in such distress and pain. As soon as you feel her palm on your cheek, some tears stream down your face as you try and contain the sobs and fight back the last few emotions and thoughts, keeping you from breaking right in front of her.

As soon as Wilhemina feels the tears falling, she catches them with her thumb, wiping them away gently before whispering ''Now don't cry sweet girl'' trying to hide her own emotions and the pain it brings her whenever seeing you upset. Whenever she would see you in any kind of distress or any negative emotion visible in your features it would cause her great pain, a different kind of feeling than her back could ever cause her, as her heart would ache, her only intention to make you smile again, especially in that dorky adorable way she loves and that causes for her heart to flutter, even though she wouldn't admit that to anyone, including you.

After wiping your tears, Wilhemina hands you some water and medication from the tray and you look at her with a slightly confused expression, as you haven't fully realized yet, it doesn't need words for Wilhemina to understand how awful you are feeling. ''Now take them little one, it will make you feel better'' she promises and without thinking twice you lead the tablets to your mouth, swallowing them with some water. The feeling of the cold liquid soothing your throat momentarily distracts you from the pain that you seem to feel all over your body. ''Good girl'' Wilhemina praises as you hand her the bottle, a little smirk rising on your features.

''Now I need you to eat this'' she demands, handing you the bowl of chicken noodle soup, that you usually love. You look at her with a slightly disgusted expression as the thought of food is only adding to the sick feeling in your stomach. ''I know but eat up for me, will you?'' she asks gently, not reminding you of the stern Wilhemina at all. All you can do in response is nod and take the bowl from her hands. ''I will be right back'' she explains, leaving you behind with your soup before walking out of the bedroom. For a moment you debate whether to just abandon the food again, as you genuinely don't feel like eating but there is no way you would let the woman you had fallen in love with, down a second time today.

You enjoy the silence for a moment, the only sounds to be heard, the spoon as it scoops up the liquid, feeling soothing in your throat but painful in your stomach at the same time. Shortly after the sound of a cane fills the room again and with each tap you somehow feel nervous, knowing the conversation was still to be held why you had lied to Wilhemina and not listened to her in the first place, only adding to the anxiety you feel. You see as the redhead walks in with a few towels and your favorite pajamas, that she would usually mock, too ''adorable'' for her liking, as you would usually put it.

''Have you had some?'' she asks and points at the soup and you simply nod while your eyes are begging her not to eat anymore. ''Fine, come on there is a bath waiting for you'' she informs you and you simply nod and slowly make your way out of bed. Midway to the bathroom, you realize how severe the nauseous feeling has been and you hold onto the wall to balance for a moment before you feel a hand on your back. ''I'm right by your side'' you hear Wilhemina's voice behind you and it sends a warm, comfortable fuzzy feeling through your body, reminding you that you aren't alone in this and that your girlfriend has got your back, literally.

You manage to find your way to the bathroom, with the support of Wilhemina's hand on your back and even though it takes you a while, you manage to sit in the bath and let the warm water soothe your skin and tired muscles. ''Do you think you will be okay in here for a bit?'' Wilhemina asks and you simply nod, feeling sleepy and relaxed at the same time. As your partner, walks back in the bedroom to prepare you for the night ahead and her own night which will probably result in no sleep and a lot of worrying over you, you sink a little further into the bath, confusing the bathtub with your own bed for a moment as you feel a little too comfortable.

''Little one are you-'' Wilhemina enters the bathroom, only to find you in the bath, asleep, your head resting on the purple little pillow she had bought a while ago and attached it to the bath. She frowns at the sight for a moment, before her features change as she realizes, this time she is going to have to wake you up, as there is no way her back condition will allow her to simply lift you out of the bath and carry you to bed, as much as she would like to do that. The usual strong woman fights some of her own tears back both at your state but also the painful reminder of her scoliosis.

Slowly you wake up, as you feel some water on your head and a hand washing out some shampoo, combined with a few muffled words that you can't quite understand yet, only just having woken up from your little slumber. ''Little one, wake up we have got to get you out of here'' you hear Mina's voice. You blink a few times, dumbfounded at the fact you are in the bath, not remembering much but feeling that your body is already feeling more relaxed than waking up earlier from your first slumber. ''Mina, what are you doing?'' you question as you realize she is bending awkwardly to wash your hair out and free it from the bubbles of shampoo. Quickly you sit up and free her from the uncomfortable position. ''Come on let's get you out'' she says and with all the strength you have left, you prop yourself up and exit the bath. Soon your skin comes into contact with a warm towel provided by Wilhemina.

You enjoy the feeling for a moment, before slowly getting changed into your pajamas and following your partner back to the bedroom. At this point, the medication has already freed you from most of your pain but your body still feels exhausted, so you quickly lie down in bed and pull the blanket closer, shivering slightly from the cool sensation of the air on your legs. Wilhemina returns to the bedroom, moments later in her purple nightgown, her hair falling loosely now and you admire your girlfriend for a moment, never quite able to believe how lucky you truly are and also always finding yourself taken back by her beauty, after years of being with each other.

The redhead approaches her side of the bed, book in hand as usual but for a change abandoning it on her night table, resting her cane in her usual spot, and carefully sitting down while leaning her back against the headboard of the bed. ''Come here'' she instructs, opening her arms and freeing her lap for you to rest your head in. Usually, she would do this after you had a long day at work, Wilhemina being able to tell instantly what an awful day you must have had and how it exhausted you both mentally and physically.

Reluctantly, you move your tired head onto her lap, still worried deep down about the conversation that is yet to be held and her true feelings about this. You had lied to her, hidden the truth from her and even though the redhead had often done the same, it felt different to you, like a betrayal. Your eyes close as soon as you feel her hands come into contact with your head, her fingers running through your hair gently and momentarily numbing the pain you are in. The smell of lavender sends you in a little dreamlike state as your partner just did a small evening routine instead of the usual, more bothered about making sure you are safe and feeling alright.

''Is that the hand cream?'' you mumble, starting to feel sleepy already as your whole body is ready to forget about today, the medication soothing your tired muscles and keeping your temperature at bay. ''It is little one'' Wilhemina whispers, smiling a little and relieved that you are still somewhat in a clear headspace as you remembered the lavender hand cream you had bought her before. She strokes your hair, untangling some knots gently with her fingertips as there was no time to brush your hair, the idea of the comfortable bed too convincing.

''Are you feeling alright, my darling?'' she asks, noticing how you are already on the verge of falling asleep. ''Hm Mh'' you mumble, as you slowly start falling asleep, despite trying to fight to stay awake to be in your partner's embrace and feel her safety and the warmth she radiates onto you, just a moment longer. She frowns, hating to see you pushing yourself so hard and her not being able to do anything about it, the state you are in now only the result of pushing yourself over the past few days.

''You need to stop being so hard on yourself and pushing'' she warns, knowing deep down you aren't fully aware of her words anymore as you fall into a slumber. ''I just want you to be safe and healthy'' she carries on, holding you in her arms, as if she was trying to shield you from the outside world and things that might be thrown across your way, including yourself. As soon as the redhead hears your little snores, she smiles a little, happy you are at least getting some more rest in her arms and at the same time glad, she is able to protect you now, knowing tomorrow is another day to come to have an actual conversation about this. She averts her gaze, and she is met with the mirror on the other side of the room, seeing you asleep on her lap and for a moment the woman, usually so hard on herself crumbles for a second as tears stream down her cheeks.

She remembers the moments in her younger years or even to this day, where she kept pushing and listening to her parents or the ugly voices in her head, telling her she isn't deserving to take breaks or look after herself. As she sees you safe and sound in her arms she can't help but feel gratitude, that you had walked into her life a while ago, knowing that you both have each other now. At this moment as she watches your tired body, chest rising and falling with each breath, she promises herself to never let you push this much again and to get you to take care of yourself, fully aware it won't be easy as she struggles with those things herself.

''Everything will be okay, I'm here little one you are safe'' she whispers, reassuring you again that you aren't alone in this and that she will be by your side. After watching you for a few seconds longer, she carefully reaches for her book, opening it and keeping herself occupied while she is determined to stay awake, not caring about sleep herself as she feels the need to stay with you and be there for you in case you wake up and need the redhead.

As she opens her book, now occupied by it, you are already asleep, your body slowly healing from today, both a mix of medication, rest but also the tender care, love, and affection Wilhemina has shown you since arriving back home and continues showing, as one of her hands is still rubbing soothing circles on your head, occasionally checking your forehead for a temperature.

[pips-fics]

ask: Hi 👉👈 if it’s okay can I request a hyunjin centric fic? where he’s feverish and emotional nd the others give him lots of affection and comfort 🥺🥺 I love your blog so much it’s so soft and feels safe and ahhh it makes me happy 👉👈 thank you and it’s okay if you don’t feel up to it !!

ask: hello! how are you? i just wanted to say that this is my all time fave blog :) i’m kinda new to tumblr so i’m not sure if that’s how u say it tho hahaha. are u down for requested atm? if yes, could i request a sick hyunjinnie with any caretaker (preferably bangchan). if u are not taking requests atm, then carry on with ur day 🌸✨💜

tw: vomiting, fainting

let us break ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

all idols are trained actors. a lot of people don’t realize it, maybe, but they had to be, to some extent. even before debuting, they learned by observation how to fake health, confidence, and calm - and beyond debut, it was happiness all the time. once, hyunjin found out that one of his best childhood friends was in the hospital, and then sang and smiled through a fansign without blinking an eye an hour later. he knew other idols who had endured much worse.

so yes, while hyunjin might not be entirely comfortable playing a role in a movie or a show, he was quite capable of faking it. maybe that’s why he was able to convince his group mates that he was okay right up until he collapsed.

he hadn’t expected things to get so bad. at first, he was just a bit congested - nothing he couldn’t pass off as allergies, really. once he’d gotten wrapped up in practicing, it had been easy to brush anything else off - like sweating, achy muscles, even nausea - as an effect of intense exercise. too easy, maybe, because hyunjin was not at all prepared for his vision to flicker with darkness or for his legs to entirely give up in the middle of dancing.

fortunately, he retained consciousness, but he wasn’t able to stand quickly enough to dodge minho as he moved to their next formation. the older boy tripped over hyunjin and tumbled to the ground with an “oof,” which was then followed by the chaos of everyone trying to figure out what had happened at once.

it was way too much for hyunjin’s fevered brain to process. he shut down, the sounds blurring into something entirely nonsensical, so hyunjin tuned it all out until a gentle hand on his back made him jump.

“hyunjinnie?” it was chan, wiping tears away. “can you tell me what’s wrong?”

hyunjin shook his head. “minho-hyung–”

“he’s okay,” chan said. “don’t worry.”

shuffling his feet awkwardly, minho nodded. “i know how to fall safely. it happens to the best of us.”

with the greatest of his greatest fears alleviated, hyunjin took a few deep breaths and looked around the room. besides minho, who was still standing nearby looking moderately uncomfortable, and chan, who was rubbing comforting circles on hyunjin’s back, the rest of the members were hanging out near the benches on the other side of the practice room. jisung was talking to their dance teacher while jeongin and changbin were messing with felix in what was probably a deliberate attempt at creating a distraction. seungmin was quietly observing hyunjin from a distance, concern written all over his face. distractions didn’t tend to work as well on him. hyunjin managed a smile in an attempt to be reassuring, but it didn’t seem to have the intended effect.

rather than relaxing, seungmin’s frown deepened, and he stood up and walked over, arms crossed. “don’t act like you’re okay,” he said, and hyunjin suddenly understood. he waved his arms around placatingly.

“i won’t - i’ll take today off, okay?” hyunjin caved easily. next to him, chan looked shocked, and not without reason.

three years ago, things would have gone down quite differently. things had gone down quite differently when hyunjin had been a trainee, and he’d woken up in the hospital with a very rattled seungmin at his bedside. hyunjin wouldn’t make that mistake again any time soon if he could help it.

that didn’t make it easy.

somehow the tears started up again of their own accord as hyunjin relented. “i’m sorry,” he said. “i– i’ll make it up to you all later, i know i’m behind with the dance, it’s just–”

this got the attention of the rest of the group, eliciting a scoff from changbin. “please don’t - if you do that, i’ll be even more behind than i already am.”

“give us a chance to catch up!” jisung added.

hyunjin shook his head. “but i’m supposed to be a dancer.”

felix bounded over and latched on to hyunjin’s arm. “you’re ahead of me, too. i think the only one you’re not ahead of is minho-hyung, and he made half of the choreography.”

minho nodded solemnly. “i cheated.”

hyunjin was too tired to feel better about himself, but too miserable to argue, so he just shrugged and avoided eye contact with everyone.

chan put a hand to hyunjin’s forehead, and nodded as if confirming something. “i’ll come back to the dorm with you, then - i could use a rest day, too, i think.”

with no room for argument, hyunjin decided not to bother trying, despite his misgivings about taking up chan’s time. also, out of all of them, hyunjin thought that chan could use the extra rest the most. by the time they arrived at the dorm, the guilt in hyunjin’s stomach was more or less consumed by an overwhelming sense of loneliness and fear.

he settled in to the living room, sinking into the couch and trying to repress his body’s violent shivering by wrapping himself in a blanket, though it wasn’t very effective. hyunjin was relieved when chan sat next to him, pulling out his laptop - as expected, not really taking a break after all, but hyunjin didn’t mind. he knew chan was busy, and liked to feel productive as often as possible. people relaxed in different ways, anyway. just like that, despite the growing ache in his stomach, hyunjin began to relax and drift off to sleep.

it wasn’t until chan moved to get up that hyunjin snapped back awake. he immediately latched on to chan’s arm.

“hyung, don’t leave me.”

the words were out of his mouth before hyunjin had a chance to consider them, and he immediately hid his face in the couch cushions in embarrassment.

“hyunjinnie,” chan said gently, brushing a hand through hyunjin’s hair. he didn’t sound annoyed, so hyunjin peeked up at him, and found him smiling fondly. “i wasn’t going to leave, just going to get some water. you want anything?”

hyunjin felt his cheeks redden, and let go of chan’s arm. he shook his head. “sorry, hyung.”

“nothing to worry about,” chan said.

being alone even briefly was unsettling to hyunjin, feeling as bad as he was. it meant being forced to take stock of his body, which meant confronting that he felt, somehow, even worse than before. his head was pounding, everything hurt, and his stomach–

his stomach flipped very violently, and hyunjin retched, leaning over the couch, a bit stunned. he swallowed back the vile substance that rushed up his throat with a whimper and scrambled to his feet.

he made it to the toilet just in time for his body to rebel again. this time, hyunjin was hopeless to stop it, and it wasn’t long before tears were rolling down his cheeks. his hair was sticking to his face, matted down with sweat and in some places vomit. hyunjin tried to push it out of his way, but his hands were shaking terribly, and the nausea was so overwhelming, it was hard to focus on anything else.

chan found hyunjin with his cheek on the toilet seat, expression vacant, past the point of caring about a mess. when he saw chan, his face scrunched up into a sad pout.

“hyung… i’m sorry…”

chan chuckled and shook his head. “don’t apologize,” he said quietly, moving to hyunjin’s side just as the younger man began heaving again. chan held hyunjin’s hair and rubbed his shoulder blades, wishing he could do more. he couldn’t help but wince at the way hyunjin’s muscles tensed beneath his fingers.

it took quite a while for hyunjin’s stomach to settle. for about 10 minutes, it was on-and-off puking, half his time spent bent over the toilet, and the other half bonelessly slumped against chan. by the end, he was so exhausted that chan was considering bringing a mixing bowl into the bathroom, just so that hyunjin didn’t have to put so much effort into moving.

finally, hyunjin let out a shuddering sigh - or maybe a sob - and curled up in chan’s lap.

“can i sleep here?” hyunjin mumbled, words slurred with exhaustion. some of the sick in his hair was beginning to dry.

“soon, jinnie. for now, let’s get you cleaned up.”

chan opted to give hyunjin a warm bath, and was pleased when hyunjin relaxed into it, half-asleep. he figured it was okay for the younger man to take a quick nap under chan’s supervision. by the time hyunjin was clean, chan was reluctant to wake him. just as he was about to, hyunjin’s face scrunched up, and he whimpered.

“hyunjin?”

“‘m sorry,” he mumbled, fresh tears slipping down his cheeks. “i’ll do better…”

chan shook him gently, and hyunjin’s eyes flew open. “i’m sorry, i–” he cut himself off with a gasp, taking in his surroundings slowly. “channie-hyung?”

“hey, buddy,” he said, speaking softly. “you okay?”

hyunjin was breathing in short, quick gasps. his eyes darted around the small room, as though searching for something. he blinked quickly, and looked back at chan, who offer a smile.

“it’s just us, you know?”

drinking air as though its supply was dangerously limited, hyunjin nodded. “i know, yeah, i just… hyung, i’m ruining your day off.”

chan shook his head immediately. “what are you talking about, jinnie? you know i’m here because i want to be, right?”

hyunjin bit his lip, trying not to cry. his fevered brain was not being kind to him. chan’s words were too genuine to deny, though, so he nodded, eyes closed. he felt chan’s arms wrap around him, hesitant until hyunjin hugged him back.

“jinnie, you’re allowed to be human. you’re allowed to hurt. it’s okay.”

something there caught him off guard. something broke, something that had been built up, something that had protected hyunjin for a long time. a little snap. it hurt, realizing he’d closed himself off without realizing it, and holding back tears was a lost cause, but then - that was kind of chan’s point.

why hide them?

so hyunjin cried, broken a bit, but held together by one of his best friends - his family. he let himself break a bit more - just as much as he needed - and didn’t flinch when the rest of the members came home. he let them in through a little crack of a doorway, let him hold him and remind him of who he was, and he began to heal.

——

no reader survey this time, too tired and my computer is breaking but please feel free to send in any thoughts you’d like to share, about the fic or otherwise!

——

feel free to send more asks! / rules

[beyondspaceandstars]

While You Sleep

Chapter 18

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: angst Summary: Soulmate!AU - Throughout life, you’re given glimpses of your soulmate through dreams. As you sleep, memories flash in your mind showing you the life your soulmate has lived. Everyone around you raves about how their soulmate reads great books or volunteers in their spare time. But you can’t relate as your dreams end up being more like nightmares. Through initial images of death and violence, you come to learn your soulmate is the Winter Soldier.

A/N: so sorry I’ve been slow with updating Tumblr - my blog was shadowbanned (basically Tumblr hid my blog in searches, notifications, tags, etc.) and it just got fixed so I’m working to update here!

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

“You’re back,” Dr. G smiled as you plopped down in the seat across from her. 

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes and instead forced a tight smile. “I’m back,” you confirmed with a dramatic nod for emphasis. You didn’t know why you were feeling so hostile. You had shown up here willingly this time. 

Bucky didn’t even know you were seeing your therapist again. But it wasn’t exactly like he was around to find out. He had left for his mission yesterday in the very early morning and you were now on constant edge. You didn’t know what he would encounter. You knew none of it was at your clearance level seeing as you had no government clearance level to begin with but still… You didn’t like that anything that went wrong would come back to you in the depths of your sleep. Even if Bucky had shared everything step-by-step, any mishap was another blow. Even if everything went right, you feared you were bound to see something. 

“Would you like to share anything?” Your therapist asked, disrupting your spiraling thoughts. It was like she knew and, well, maybe she did. You really did kind of suck at hiding your emotions. You could practically feel your face darkening with worry. 

“Bucky and I learned something about us recently,” you said a bit nervously but Dr. G nodded in encouragement. You tried to steady your breathing and continued, “Our soulmate bond has been disrupted. It happened when he was part of Hydra — I mean, not like part of. That makes it sound like he joined willingly which he absolutely did not—,”

Your therapist said your name sharply, cutting off your words. “I know what you meant,” she said.

You nodded briefly, recomposing yourself, and began again, “While under Hydra, he was brainwashed and in that process, they thought they had rid him of his soulmate. But, turns out, all they were doing was tampering with the transmission lines. This means any sort of trauma or… or really emotional occurrences in Bucky’s life gets passed along to me, intercepting any, well, normal dreams. And there’s nothing we can do about it.”

“Nothing?”

You glanced away. “Well, I’ve asked him to retire to maybe… minimize the damage.”

Dr. G nodded as she scribbled something on her notepad. She let out an interesting hum. “How did Bucky respond to that?”

You fought back the urge to roll your eyes. You weren’t really upset with him, more angered by the situation. “It took him a second to come around to the idea and, sure, eventually he did but then he was given another mission. A mission he couldn’t turn down.”

“And how did that make you feel?”

Another feeling of annoyance flashed across you at the cliche therapist speak but you could also recognize the question for its worth. Someone was actually asking you how you felt about the new, and last, mission. Lord knows Bucky hadn’t.

You bit your lip, feeling tears already threatening to run down your cheeks. “It made me feel bad, to put it simply. I just felt horrible and scared. I know that with time it’ll go away and maybe we’ll find some peace but I’m just really hurt it has to be this way.”

More notes were scribbled. “How did Bucky react to hearing that?” Dr. G asked without looking up. You shifted awkwardly in your seat, fiddling with your fingers out of habit. Your therapist glanced up once her writing has finished. Her brows raised as you struggled to find an answer.

“He doesn’t really know.”

Your therapist placed her pen on her notepad and leaned forward in her chair, eyeing you a bit upsettingly. “Do you remember what I told you during your last session?”

Talking. Talking, talking, talking. Just let it out. How could you forget? That’s exactly what you had done and while it made some kind of progress, you were still stuck at this godforsaken dead end for the time being. 

You picked at the chair cushion. “He didn’t ask,” you sighed. “Besides, what good was it going to do? I couldn’t have stopped the mission.”

Dr. G shrugged. “No, I doubt you could’ve, but that’s not the point. The point is you’re hurting and your soulmate needs to know this, especially when it involves him. You can’t beat around the bush or try to sidestep this kind of stuff. Be gentle, yes, but little progress can be made if everything is bottled in.”

“Well, doc, I’m sorry to break it to you, but I’m sure he knows very well how I feel about all of this,” you snapped back. “Think I made myself super clear during our first conversation about retirement.”

“Fine,” she shrugged. “Assume he did. Assume Bucky knew everything that was going through your mind. Did it open any conversation?”

Your shoulders slumped. You looked away. 

Dr. G continued, “My point exactly. Of course, you don’t want to hurt him but you can’t hurt yourself in the process. How many people actually knew about the nightmares to begin with?”

“None,” you mumbled. And it was, sadly, the truth. Your coworker was the first to know. You hadn’t even had the guts to tell your parents. 

“I’m sure I make it sound easier than it really is but there are some benefits to it over time,” your therapist said after a moment. 

You let out a dramatic sigh. “You’re kind of annoying, you know that?”

Your therapist laughed. “You’ve been wanting to bite back for a while, haven’t you?” You didn’t answer. She shrugged. “Already testing out those communication skills I see.”

You let yourself roll your eyes this time.

***

It was nearing midnight when your cell phone rang. You jumped, suddenly disturbed by the ringtone as you laid on your couch watching some sitcom reruns. You frowned in confusion as you stretched to reach your phone on the coffee table. You weren’t expecting any calls.

You turned the screen around and were greeted by one name: Bucky. You just about yelped when it registered he was calling you -- and from his mission, amazingly. You sat up quickly and answered.

“Hi, Buck,” you greeted, hopefully sounding a bit more cheerful than you felt. Your therapy session from the morning still had you a bit shaken. 

“Hey, doll,” Bucky responded, his voice a bit hoarse. He sounded exhausted and...defeated. 

You sink into the couch. “Is everything going okay?” You guessed it wasn’t too weird he was reaching out while away but something was off in his voice. You thought you had already mentally prepared for the worst.

“For the most part,” he mumbled. “I have to tell you, sweetheart, it wasn’t smooth sailing. We… We all had to do some things we aren’t proud of.”

You shut your eyes, trying to reel in your panicked brain before you said something you’d regret. This couldn’t all fall on Bucky, it wasn’t fair. He had a job, one final job, and you were going to have to accept that. 

Regaining your voice, you said, “What… What things, Bucky?”

He fell silent on the other end. All you could hear was some soft breathing and others talking in the background. The rest of the team you could guess. You said his name into the receiver again.

“Just know I didn’t like what I had to do and I can’t wait to put this life behind me.”

If that was all you were getting from him, you’d have to accept it. “Okay,” you said, your voice cracking slightly. “I-I understand.” You didn’t really but you knew after tonight you definitely would.

Bucky took another pause. “You deserve so much better than this.”

“Bucky-,”

“You really do, sweetheart.”

“Bucky, please, listen,” you sighed. “While this isn’t ideal and I was very upset you just jumped on this assignment without speaking to me, I know it won’t be like this forever, right? 

“I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about the assignment before leaving,” Bucky responded. “I-I knew I couldn’t do anything about it but that’s still not fair to you. You deserve to be heard.”

“It’s okay, honey,” you said, fighting back some tears getting ready to start again. “You’re almost done, you’re almost back home.”

Bucky hummed. “I am,” he confirmed. “And when I get back I’m going to make up for all of this, I promise.”

You let out a weak laugh through the tears. “You can make it up to me by getting home safely.”

Bucky was about to say something else but was then cut off by someone yelling at him in the background. He gave a curt response before turning his attention back to you. “Sorry, doll, but I have to go. We have some debriefing to do.”

“Of course,” you said, waving a hand in the air like he could see you. “I’ll see you soon, alright?”

“See you soon, sweetheart,” he said. “Love you.”

The line cut before you had the chance to say the words back. You held your phone out in front of you, staring at your lit homescreen, shocked and overwhelmed. He loved you. And he had said it.

***

You were dreading getting ready to go to sleep but, at the same time, your body was practically begging for it. You were finally getting back into the swing of working and now with therapy sessions on top, you couldn’t believe how exhausting life was. As if you had forgotten at some point. 

But with that craved moment of relaxation, an unnerving threat lurked. 

You practically moved with caution when it came to your nighttime routine now. You washed your face carefully and precisely. You scrubbed every tooth again and again for a good minute. Even combing out your hair seemed to be tedious. 

It was all sad attempts at procrastination and you knew it but what could you do? It wasn’t like you were jumping into bed happily no matter how much your body screamed. 

When there was no more to do in your routine, you had to accept it. You had to finally lay down in your bed, let your head hit the pillow, curl up under the duvet, and welcome whatever kind of sleep was going to greet you. 

Almost immediately, you were hit with everything.

As always, you’re seeing it in glimpses from Bucky’s eyes, from his mind. In this instance, he appears to be located in some kind of warehouse. It almost reminded you of where you had been taken to but abandoned.

At first, Bucky seems pretty calm and collected. He’s assessing his surroundings and mapping out a plan. He says something to the person next to them. You can’t see them and possibly you don’t want to. 

They agree with whatever Bucky has suggested but before their plan can commence, they’re both attacked. Guns blazing, doors busting, a whole goddamn ambush. You’re panicking, you feel Bucky panicking. But it doesn’t last long for him. No, within seconds he’s in destruction mode, stomping towards the pop-up army - you don’t even know what they’re part of - dodging bullets and taking them down one by one. 

Some others are helping out it seems but you’re only allowed to be consumed with Bucky’s take on the situation. Despite how much you don’t want to be, especially when he… You see the glint of his metal arm rush past. They’re dying. Being killed. These soldiers or whatever are dropping left and right around him. You feel Bucky’s pulsing anger. He has no plans of slowing down. You feel the tension in his arm as he strangles another and another and another. At one point, he even throws some across the room.

They’re finished. No more men pour in. The rest of the team has stopped. They’re all looking at Bucky, wide-eyed and nervous. You feel his fury turn to shame. You didn’t know the mission’s expectations but you could guess they didn’t exactly involve this much death. No one says anything as they move on. 

The images fade but the feelings don’t. You suddenly want to cry in your sleep feeling Bucky’s distraught and embarrassment. 

Unable to deal with it anymore, you force yourself awake, everything vanishing as your eyes open. You look around your dark room. The clock beside your bed reads just past three a.m. 

You curl back into your blanket and face the wall. You stare at it for the rest of the night, heart pounding and hands shaking.

[princessphilly]

Word Count: 4131

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CW: angst, angst, angst, angst, bad language, references to racism, angst.

“Bitch, if you do this, you are so dumb,” Jamila yelled over the group FaceTime. Lauren and Siobhan nodded while Karesha rolled her eyes at Nina.

Desiree stated, “You know how I feel about men butttt, you being dumb.”

“Jamila, do something dumb and take a picture with that guy you told us you fucked. I thought you said he was a hockey player. Distract the haters from Nina,” Karesha suggested.

Lauren added, “That’s a good idea.”

“Hold up, hold up, I told everyone about him because I DON’T plan on fucking him again. That dick was way tooooo good. Hell no,” Jamila exclaimed. 

Everyone snickered after that comment and Jamila pouted. Nina took in a deep breath. “I-I, I just can’t. I got people calling me all kinds of names, bitches stopping by my job taking pics, people. Then I got people who are being extra friendly to me and I just want to hide. Now, my lil cousin showed me that I got fangirls on tumblr! The hell??”

Jamila grimaced. “That’s part of fame.”

“I didn’t ask for this shit! He DIDN’T EVEN ASK ME TO BE HIS GIRLFRIEND AND NOW THE WORLD IS TREATING ME LIKE I’M HIS GIRL,” Nina yelled. 

The chat got quiet for a couple minutes before Siobhan said, “Well, that was dumb on his part. So excited to finally get a chance that he’s fucking it up. Men.”

Desiree snickered before her face turned serious. “I think our girl caught feelings too. The Nina I know normally doesn’t have to make a decision with her girls about dropping a guy. She just does it.”

“But she’s telling us because she really doesn’t want to,” Lauren said with a smirk. 

Nina glared at her friends. They weren’t getting it. But before she could say anything else, Siobhan quietly said, “I hope you aren’t comparing yourself to his teammates’ girlfriends and wives. But I think you are.”

Sighing, NIna said, “I met them and while they were mostly nice, I’m a milk dud in a sea of milk. I stick out too much. Despite what they are all saying, Sidney’s just messing with me until he finds another, more suitable blonde.”

Nina’s friends all stared at Nina over the FaceTime chat before erupting. Then Lauren finally said over the furor, “I understand… because yeah, same shit with my ex. I was good enough until he met the perfect white girl of his dreams, no offense Siobhan. But, remember that night when that guy followed me? Trust me, I saw the way Sidney fucking Crosby was looking at you. If he’s looking just to play you before finding someone else, fuck, I’ll buy you a fucking Birkin.”

“Whoa,” Jamila and Desiree both uttered. Lauren was the stingiest of all of them so for her to talk about spending thousands of dollars on something, it had to be real. 

“Yeah, that sounds nice and everything but I need a break from all of this to recalibrate,” Nina finally said. “And we were supposed to be planning our trip since we couldn’t go anywhere overseas the past two years anyway.”

“Okay, let's talk about places to go because I want to go to Thailand,” Desiree replied, allowing Nina to change the subject. 

Nina let out a breath as everyone started talking about places to visit. Before their conversation tonight, she was sure that breaking it off was a good idea. Now, she was just confused.

**

“Hi, pretty girl,” Sidney drawled over the phone. 

Nina couldn’t help the shy smile come on her face at the pet name. “Hi, Sidney.”

Sidney frowned. Nina usually called him Sid now, Sidney Crosby if she was annoyed, Mr. Crosby if she was feeling sassy. Something felt off but he decided to ignore it for now. “Mario and Nathalie wanted to know if you were available for dinner next Sunday. Nathalie would love to meet you.”

“Hmm, I have an early class Monday morning so I’d just do dinner and that’s it,” NIna said. 

Sidney inwardly sighed. Maybe Nina was off because she decided to go back to school and she was starting to get in the middle of the semester. Maybe that was it. “So, do you want to come? I’ll pick you up and drop you off?”

“Just that, I need to be able to think on Monday so you can’t stay over,” Nina joked. 

Sidney snickered. “I’m sorry baby, I’ll be good and keep my hands to myself.”

“Bullshit.”

“I’ll keep my hands to myself, pretty girl, but we both know how much you love it when I touch you. Your skin is so soft and you feel so good.”

Nina gasped and Sidney felt like he heard her try to hold back a moan. He continued, “Especially when you make those little sounds-”

“Bye Sid,” Nina said firmly, trying to keep her mind from going into the gutter. It didn’t work when he laughed and she felt her core throb. Not even that filthy and she was ready to spread her legs for him. Nina was disappointed in herself. 

Sidney responded, “Bye, pretty girl.”

**

Sidney could tell that Nina was still off during dinner with Mario and Nathalie. She was herself; sparkling, kind, and sweet but Sidney could tell that she was going through the motions. He was feeling a bit frustrated; he didn’t know what was wrong so he could fix it. But something was wrong. 

Nina was truly enjoying herself as she talked with Mario and Nathalie but it felt like something was going on that she didn’t get. Like, the way they were looking at her, it felt like she was missing something. At the same time, the Lemieuxs’ were the quintessential hosts and Nina felt honored to have even stepped foot in their home, let alone had dinner with them. 

Later that night, after Sidney and Mario had stepped out to talk hockey, Nina rubbed her eyes. She suddenly felt super tired and she didn’t know why.

“You look tired,” Nathalie commented.

Nina shrugged before replying, “It’s been a lot going on.”

“Why do I feel like Sidney, who is normally good and planning and looking at all sides, just jumped into everything with you?”

Nina looked at Nathalie. Nathalie had a sympathetic expression on her face. “It’s overwhelming, isn’t it?”

“Very,” Nina said as she looked at her nails. “I don’t even know what is going on between Sidney and I anyway.”

Nathalie had a shocked expression on her face as she stated, “I had the impression that you two are a couple?”

“Everyone says we are a couple but I was never asked about being in a couple,” Nina grumbled. 

Nathalie wanted to shake Sidney. Even though she had heard only good things about Nina, Nathalie was prepared to judge her with a clean slate. After tonight, Nathalie really liked her, especially her independent spirit, something that would be very necessary for her dealing with Sidney and his life. But now, Nathalie really wanted to shake that boy hard because like most men, he put the cart before the horse. If she was a betting woman, Nathalie would bet that Nina was going to run screaming any moment now. 

Nina continued, “I like him but.. I really don’t like him right now, do you understand?”

“I totally understand. Mario told me about all of the internet hate you’re receiving. I’m lucky that the internet didn’t exist the way it does now when Mario and I first started dating and got married,” Nathalie commiserated. 

Nina took in several deep breaths. “I know everyone has said to ignore what other people are saying but, I’m just overwhelmed, you know.”

Nathalie decided that she was going to shake Sidney the next time she saw him after tonight. ‘Poor girl,’ she thought. 

Before the conversation could continue, the guys came back in and Nathalie saw Nina shut down and paste a pretty smile on her face. Nathalie sent Mario a look of concern as she watched Nina grip her glass tight.

Sidney noticed the same thing as Nathalie when he returned with Mario. As he made their way towards Nina’s apartment, Sidney asked, “Is everything okay? You seemed stressed.”

Nina took in a deep breath. It was either now or never. “This is going too fast, I need a break.”

Sidney flushed, his hand shaking around the steering wheel. Trying to keep his voice level, he asked, “What do you mean you need a break?”

Nina took in a deep breath. “This is too much. I agreed to go out with you once and now, I’ve been introduced to all your teammate’s significant others, met Mrs. Lemieux and it’s like you’re treating me like I'm your girlfriend.”

“But you are!”

“How?! How the hell am I your girlfriend when you never ever asked me? When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me,” Nina fumed. “You put me in a situation I didn’t even agree to. I have people coming to my job just to try to get a picture of me; people who would stake out my apartment if I didn’t have a doorman and security in my building. Your team’s PR is monitoring my social media accounts because every other dm i get is the n-word.”

Sidney paled and Nina continued, “Yeah, you just realized you did all this and you didn’t even ask if I wanted to be your girlfriend.”

“I’m sorry but fuck, I’ve always wanted you to be my girlfriend. I just assumed you felt the same,” Sidney protested. 

“Sidney, it’s just TOO much. I need time to process, I need a break. A break from you,” Nina said firmly. 

Sidney resisted the urge to yell at Nina. Yes, he fucked up by not asking her to be his girlfriend before everything but at the same time, he just wanted her to listen. But Nina seemed like she didn’t want to listen to anything. So instead, he asked, “How long do you want a break?”

“I don’t know… I mean, it could be a couple of weeks,” Nina replied. 

Sidney sat there stone faced as he drove. He didn’t know what to say. Sidney could feel his heart breaking into two for the first time ever and it was painful as hell. It was even more painful than when the Red Wings lifted the Cup in his first ever Stanley Cup finals. 

Nina picked at her nails. She thought she would feel relief but now, she felt worse than before. The silence felt deafening and oppressive until they reached her building. Sidney finally said, “I’ll give you space.”

“Thank you,” Nina quietly responded. Letting herself out of the car quietly, Nina sniffled. Holding herself together, she was able to just make it inside of her apartment before she started to cry. 

**

Karesha stared at her friend, not sure if she should shake her or hug her. Nina was in her work clothes, a fake smile on her face as she let Karesha into her apartment. Terrible Tess and Steely came running up to Karesha. After giving the pets some love, Karesha asked, “What did you do?”

Nina looked to the side. “I told him I needed a break.”

Sucking her lower lip into her mouth, Karesha stared at Nina again. She needed to shake her, definitely shake her. 

“Why?”

Nina closed her eyes before flopping on her couch. Karesha sat next to her and Nina put her hands over her face. “Look at me and look at him! Sidney’s fucking rich, famous, and such an awesome hockey player. I drive an used Lexus RX, I’m broke as fuck compared to him, and I’m not the kind of woman who ends up with a guy like him,” Nina mumbled. 

Karesha closed her eyes and counted to ten. Patience wasn’t her strong suit, especially with her friend who was normally the most cool, calm, and collected out of all of them. “Nina… trust me, you know I’ve done all kinds of shit. I’ve done shit that I’ll take to the grave with me. So trust me when I say, Sidney really, really likes you.” 

Karesha almost said “loves you” but she felt like that would have been too much as Nina shook her head. Nina said, “He probably just wanted to fuck me because I was unavailable for so long.”

“Girl… if he just wanted to say he smashed, he wouldn’t have taken you to dinner with one of his best friends, the Pens org wouldn’t have gotten involved when people were calling you names online, especially Mario fucking Lemieux. He fucking told you that the Lemieuxs had invited you two for dinner before you told him you needed a break. You’re more than a fucking fling.”

“Yeah, he’d do all that and then dump me when he met someone more appropriate,” Nina argued.

Karesha shook Nina before yelling, “Stop going online where the dumb fangirls and the haters are trying to fuck with your mind. It’s all bullshit. That man would do anything for you.”

Nina sat there, stony-faced while Karesha talked. ‘Like a fucking Aries,’ she thought. ‘So fucking stubborn.’ 

“Anyway, I brought cake and let's watch some trashy shit. Which Real Housewives are we watching, Atlanta, Beverly Hills, or old school New Jersey,” Karesha finally asked, changing the subject.

Nina decided, “I’m in the mood for ratchet so Atlanta. But I can’t watch too much, I have to study.”

“Study for what,” Karesha asked as she opened a bottle of wine. 

“I decided to go back for my PhD in rehabilitative science,” Nina replied. “Two more years of school but I’m excited.”

Karesha took a sip of her wine as Nina bit into a cupcake. “When were you going to tell anyone?”

“I had told Sidney-,” Nina began before she stopped. Nina closed her eyes when she realized the first person she told about her plans to get her PhD was Sidney before telling her family and her friends.

“Umm hmm.”

Karesha gave Nina a sly glance. She decided not to push it for now but it was obvious to her that Nina was lying to herself. Karesha knew her friend; unlike herself, Lauren, and Jamila, Nina tended to fall slowly but when she fell, she fell hard. So, in Karesha’s mind, Nina had to have started falling for Sidney back when she was working at the Lemieux Center, that was the only reason why Nina went out with him after she finally fucked him. Unlike the rest of them, Nina was the best at separating sex from feelings which had made her the queen of one night stands when they were younger. Sidney Crosby had quickly become more than a one night stand which convinced Karesha that Nina had feelings. 

Even though their conversation turned to the TV, Karesha made some mental plans to help her friend get back with her man, even though Nina wouldn’t admit to herself that he was her man.

**

Two Weeks Later

Sidney really wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone but some of the Pirates had come to the game. It was always good to be friendly with fellow athletes. But he had been in a funk ever since Nina said she wanted a break. Sidney was trying his best to give Nina space but she hadn’t even responded to his texts or calls. It felt like she was trying to break up with him and it hurt. At the same time, he didn’t want to push her. Nathalie had yelled at him and told him he had gone way too fast. But now, he felt like he was drowning and there was nothing to save him.

So, Sidney pasted in his best PR smile and mentally counted the minutes until when he could leave and drink his frustration away. Then a short Black woman stepped in front of him. Sidney bit back a curse as she looked him up and down. Then she bluntly said, “you look just as fucking horrible as Nina does.”

Geno, Tanger, and Rusty all winced. No one has brought Nina up since Sidney said she wanted a break. But their captain was going through it and it sucked. They all just hoped Sidney wouldn’t unload on the woman who they all knew was dating one of the Pirates.

Then she smiled and said, “My name is Karesha Lewis and I’m going to go and shake some sense into my bestie. Because she’s being a fucking idiot. God, she’s being an idiot right now.”

Gregory started, “Resha, what are you doing?”

But Karesha gave Sidney a sly look. “Nina’s at home, eating ice cream and torturing herself with the idea that you’ve already got a hot blonde over her and you, frankly, look like shit. But for some reason, she thinks bullshit on the internet is true and that you never really liked her.”

Sidney’s expression went from annoyance to shock to fury. “I gotta go,” he bit out.

Karesha watched Sidney go, waving. Kris looked at her, incredulous. “Do you know what you did?”

“Trust me, Nina’s too stubborn to admit she’s wrong yet and I decided to have pity on The Kid. Don’t worry, I’m going to give the best matron of honor speech ever.”

Geno snickered. “I guess Sid taking maintenance day tomorrow.”

**

Notes for her class were all over her table but Nina’s mind was elsewhere. It had been two weeks since she told Sidney she wanted a break, two long weeks. And she was pissed at herself because she was missing the fucking idiot. 

Nina missed his texts, his calls, the way he listened to her when she talked. She missed his laugh, his single-mind superstitions he followed on every gameday. The random food deliveries, as if Sidney knew she had skipped a meal for work or class or homework. The book suggestions, singing along to horrible pop music, shit that Nina knew he didn’t do around other people. Then… the sex.

Nina groaned, flopping face first into her sofa pillows. She was sure she was probably missing him more than usual because she was on her period. Today was day four after three days of a heavy flow, a blessing because it meant Nina wasn’t pregnant and that was always a threat even with condoms. “I’m just emotional,” she mumbled as she lifted herself off her face and returned to sitting upright. 

Managing to return to studying, Nina was jolted out of her reverie by the ringing of her doorbell. Knowing she didn’t order anything this Saturday night, she pulled out her trusty baseball bat while Steely stood on alert next to her. Looking into the peephole, Nina inwardly groaned when she saw Sidney standing outside of her place. “Fuck,” Nina exclaimed as she opened the door, ushering Sidney in because the idea of someone selling pictures of him standing outside of her apartment because she wouldn’t let him in was more disturbing than ignoring him. 

Sidney came in, Steely began to yap in excitement while Terrible Tess jumped off her seat on top of the window sill to walk around Sidney’s ankles. “Hi,” Sidney said. 

Nina felt a bit bad as she looked at Sidney. He looked good as ever, his salt and pepper hair hair curling attractively on his forehead and neck. But she could see the bags under his eyes and it was obvious that Sidney was keeping it together enough for the ice but he was definitely suffering.

“Hi,” Nina replied, putting her baseball bat back in place. 

Sidney looked at it before blinking his eyes in surprise. “You were really going to hit me with that?”

“I’m living alone and it’s 11pm on a Saturday night and I didn’t order anything? Yeah!”

“Thank you for not hitting me,” Sidney said sincerely. 

Nina shrugged before crossing her arms over her chest. “What brings you around here?”

“Do you really believe I was just playing with you, using you until I find someone supposedly more appropriate,” Sidney asked with disbelief. 

“I-,” Nina started but Sidney interrupted her. “Did you really think I wanted to fuck you until I found someone else? That I just wanted you because I couldn’t have you for so long?”

“Yeah,” Nina finally replied with a shrug. “Look at me and look at you and look at everyone else around you. I stick out.”

“Because you’re Black, so?”

Nina looked at the ceiling, ready to rip Sidney a new one after that statement. Closing her eyes, she counted to ten so that she could make sure she cursed him out without crying. Then Sidney said, “I mean, I’m pretty fucking clueless when it comes to race but fuck, you think that I was planning to use you because you’re Black and when I got tired, I’d go back to “my” kind,” using air quotes around the word my. 

“You wouldn’t be the first,” Nina said. 

Sidney closed his eyes. Emotions weren’t the easiest for him but he knew he couldn’t fuck this up. Moving closer to Nina, he grasped her hand. “Look at me, pretty girl.”

Nina closed her eyes before looking at Sidney. Sidney quietly stated, “No one has made me feel the way that you do. You are one of the kindest, intelligent, sweet, and loving women I’ve ever met. You are the literal sunshine and I’d be the biggest fucking fool to dump you for someone else now that I’ve actually had the chance to be with you.”

“And you… all this shit got dumped on me and you didn’t even ask me to be your girlfriend,” Nina complained as Sidney rubbed her hand. 

Squeezing her hand, Sidney admitted, “I fucked up. I wanted to ask that first night but then we had to take care of your friend and I, I just kept forgetting to bring it up. But, I want you to be my girlfriend.” 

Sidney already knew that he wanted Nina to be more than his girlfriend but he already fucked up enough.

Nina couldn’t help it, she had to ask, “What about with the team and everything?”

“I invested well and if I lose endorsements, fuck it. As for the team, Mario, Nathalie and the guys love you so that doesn’t matter,” Sidney firmly stated. 

After a pause, Sidney grabbed Nina’s other hand. He softly said, “I understand if you don’t want to date me, I’m sorry for going too fast. But I’d like to try again.”

“Honestly, I gotta think about it,” Nina admitted. “You’re a lot and being with you will be a lot. I’ll have to give up a lot. I have to think about how to make it work, not just for me but for my family.”

Sidney nodded. He was a bit disappointed but he also understood because he remembered how when he first became famous, it was a lot. The pressure as a teen, then making it to the NHL, the changes for his family. Sidney totally understood what Nina meant. 

Nina leaned up, pressing a kiss to Sidney’s cheek. “I’m not mad at you, at least right now. But I can’t promise you anything except I’ll call you by Wednesday,” Nina promised.

Sidney nodded before Terrible Tess started meowing. Picking up the cat, he petted her. 

“I still can’t believe she likes you so much,” Nina muttered. 

Sidney shrugged. “She knows I’m special,” he joked. 

“Give me my cat!”

Nina opened her arms and Sidney passed Tess to Nina. Awkwardly, Sidney said, “I guess I should go.”

“Yes, you should because I need to study,” Nina quipped. “I have a paper to write.”

“Ugh.” Sidney wrinkled his nose. Papers were awful. “Talk to you later?”

Nina said, “Yes, we will. Bye Sid.”

“Bye Nina,” Sidney said as he opened the door. He couldn’t help but grin when he heard Nina close and lock the door behind him. She called him Sid, that meant something good.

**

Nina slept fitfully after working on her paper. After seeing Sidney last night, she realized just how much she missed him. Nina had been that close to sliding to her knees to blow him when she saw Sidney in his suit. But that would have been a very bad idea so she didn’t do it. 

Drawing a t-chart on a piece of paper, Nina labeled one side “Pros” and the other side “Cons”. As she started to list the pros and the cons, Nina realized the list of pros was longer than the list of cons. Rubbing her forehead, Nina murmured to herself, “I’m going to have to make yoga a definite part of my life now.”

Decision made, Nina reached for her phone.

[mammonology]

Sweet treat | Satan

♡Synopsis━ Solomon conducts a little experiment on you, he gives you a piece of chocolate. But what you didn't know was, from eating the chocolate it would make cat ears and a tail appear. Now for Satan, you looked a little too irresistible.

♡Pairing━ Satan x Fem!MC

♡Warnings━ NSFW, face fucking, breeding, choking, master kink, a little bit of anal and double penetration, nothing too extreme ^^;

♡WC━ 1.7k

[!] Lumi's notes; Here's a little something smut before I take a small break, I'll be back on Saturday! It's just I needed a break from tumblr, I won't be posting anything but I'll still be lurking around and you can still talk to me~ See you all on Saturday (｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡

(NSFW under the cut!)

Solomon's mischievous smile went unnoticed by you as you popped the chocolate into your mouth, "Mm, thanks for the chocolate Solomon. I gotta ask, what was it for anyway? You're acting nicer than usual," You asked, tasting the sweetness on your taste buds. "Oh nothing, just thought you'd like it," He smiled, his eyes squinting. "MC? Oh, Solomon," You heard Satan speak behind you, "I'd like to stay here and talk but.. I have some studying to do," Solomon excused himself.

"So, what was he talking to you about?" Satan asked, looking over your figure. You shrugged, "He gave me chocolate, I don't know he was acting nice for some reason," You said, you clasped your hands together. "Well! Never mind that! We should get back to the house," You said, feeling light headed for some reason, you tried not to be obvious about the sudden wave of sickness you felt. "You're looking pale MC, are you alright?" Satan murmured, placing this hand on-top of your forehead.

"I feel under the weather that's all," you smiled. A stinging pain suddenly erupts within your body, the top of your head felt extremely itchy as your spine and tailbone were aching. "S–Satan, it hurts.." Satan looked alarmed, "What hurts?" He asks, cupping your face. "M–My head, also my back I–I don't know why," You said, hissing at the unbearable pain you were experiencing. "Fuck okay," He said in a panicked haze, smoke suddenly popped out of nowhere. You coughed and tried to wave the gray smoke away from you, when the smoke disappeared, cat ears seemed to appear from the top of your head. As well as a tail was attached on the end of your back bone.

"M–MC?" Satan said, confused at what just happened. "N-Nya? I mean yeah?!" You said, accidentally mewing. Satan's face flushed a little bit, your new form was cute to him. It was getting hard to look at you in the eyes, "Is this Solomon's doing?" He asked, hiding his mouth with the back of his hand. "Mm, probably, it doesn't feel any different though," You said checking out your new set of ears and tail. "Looks cute.." Satan mumbles underneath his breath, "We should go ask Lucifer about this!" You said, grabbing his wrist as you ran to the lamentation house.

Upon entering the house, you saw no one home. It looks like they were all out, "No one's home, that's weird.." he said, Satan shrugged as he headed over to his room with you following him closely behind. "Well at least I can actually call you kitten now right?" He smirked, petting your head. You fake pout at this pet name, you were enjoying it but you didn't want to show him. His room was modern, there were a lot of bookshelves, his bed was king sized with a red velvet duvet thrown over, his pillows were plushed just the way he liked. You threw yourself onto the bed, sprawling as your cat ears twitched.

"Hey Satan, why is it so hot in your room?" You asked, taking off the school's blazer. "What do you mean? It's the perfect temperature," He said, looking over his shoulder as he takes off his uniform. "I mean, it feels hotter, I don't know either.." You said, sitting up, your tail was swaying side to side. "You look so pretty," Satan complimented you, his turquoise eyes checking you up and down. He was literally standing there with only his boxers, when you did realize heat rose up to your face. Satan could only chuckle.

"Kitten, you've seen me naked multiple times," He threw his uniform into a basket as he joined you in bed. "I must say, if you're feeling hot you could always take these off," He started off slowly, unbuttoning your top as you watched his every move, your chest started heaving up and down as your heart anticipating what he was gonna do next. "Already excited kitty? Don't worry, we'll go slow," He smirked, completely removing the top as he throws it behind him. His hands swiftly took your bra off as Satan dips his head down to your nipples, his hot and wet tongue was swirling around your nipple, the other hand playing with your other bud.

"Ahh– Satan please," you gasped out, gripping onto his shoulders, your nipples were completely erect as he stopped his assault, he looked back up at you. "Please what?" He asked, his tone changing completely, "Master, please take care of me," you said, still not used to calling him master. "Where do you need to be taken care of, kitten?" He whispers against your ear as his hand goes to massage your cat ear. Accidentally letting out a moan Satan smirked, "Does it feel good up here? Or do you want it down here," He said as he flips your skirt up, his other hand dipping down your panties.

"Fuck kitten, you're so wet, all from a simple rub?" He chuckled, pressed his thumb onto your clit as his other hand scratched your cat ear. "M–Master..! Please let me pleasure you too," you said, pointing at his obvious bulge, he was extremely turned on by your current state. "Okay kitten, be a good kitty and let master use your throat okay?" He said, your head nodding. He takes his boxers off first before standing up, his hand kneading your hair, his hand was leading you as his hard cock springs up, it was pretty and pale, the tip was deep pink as it leaked pre cum. Opening your mouth obediently as he slowly pushed his cock into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks as your tongue swirled underneath his cock.

"Fucking hell kitten, your good little mouth is for my use only," Satan grunts as he closes his eyes, pushing his cock a little further down, his hand was playing with your ears, it was driving you crazy as you suddenly gagged around his dick. You noticed how his pace was picking up, your throat remained calm as he bunched up your hair into a make-shift ponytail, now he was in control.

"Yeah, gag on my fat cock princess, you look so pretty in this view," he smiled down at you, as he almost felt his release he stops and takes his cock out of your mouth. "I'm gonna breed this little cunt of yours, I'm gonna make you feel like a bitch in heat," He whispered, sending chills down your spine. He flips you onto your stomach, flipping your skirt up as he rips your underwear off. "Master..! Please I'm aching," you begged as you lifted your ass, "Don't worry kitten, I'll give you what you want as you've been a good kitty," he said, "I wonder if your tail's sensitive," He asked himself before stroking it up and down.

"Haah! Ah– mmph," you moaned as it felt extremely good, "I'll make you feel even better kitten," He said, pumping his cock once before slowly entering you, your whimpers were heard all across the room as his cock entered you. "Satan, please stroke my tail again," you pleaded but Satan didn't seem too pleased, "Kitten, I don't think Satan is my name right now," he stopped entering slowly as he thrusted in his cock in one full thrust. "AH!" Making your scream out in pleasure, his fat dick filled you up. "Shit, your walls are hugging my cock, how many times have I fucked this cunt?" He said as he starts thrusting in and out of your pussy.

"T–Too many, haah" you breathe out as you gripped the sheets underneath you, Satan yanks on your tail. An idea popped into his head, he took your tail and slowly entered it into your ass, you whipped your head back. The feeling felt so foreign, new, and you were nervous and excited at the same time. Satan's hips thrusting into yours distracted you from the fact that you indeed have a tail up your ass, and it felt good. He continued his rapid pace on your pussy as he worked his hand with your tail. "Your pussy just tightened up when I started to move your tail," He said, gritting his teeth, the pleasure was unbearable as you writhed down the bed.

Satan's lips spewed your name out as if it was a prayer, calling you and telling you how good you felt. It was all overwhelming, the familiar coil started to build up as Satan's cock hit a deep part of you, "Master! Please fuck me harder," You yelled, not caring if the brothers were back. Satan only did what you asked as he let go of your tail to grip both sides of your hips. "Fuck I'm almost there MC, I'm gonna spill all of my cum in you, I wanna see you so full and bred. My cum s–seeping out of your pussy.. aah," he said.

Your climax finally hitting you as your cum coated his dick, Satan thrusted a bit more before meeting his high, his cum splattering your walls, you felt so full, pulling his cock out of you, he goes to the bathroom to fetch you a warm wet towel. You dropped your hips down the bed as came back, spreading your legs open to wipe down the cum that was still seeping out. He cleans you up and even got you water. "Are you okay MC? I didn't push you too hard right?" He asked, sheepishly.

"I feel refreshed," You smiled at him, pecking his lip as you wrapped yourself with the duvet. "That's good," he said rubbing your cat ear. You purr out in instinct, he hums at your reaction, 'Just like a real cat' he thinks to himself. Satan joins you under the duvet as he places his arms around your waist, you were now facing his toned chest as he looks down on you.

You two were basking in the afterglow, "I guess I gotta thank Solomon for this," He chuckled, "I gotta say, it was a sweet surprise" He added, you nodded in agreement as you felt your eyelids slowly getting heavier. Satan pulls you closer to him until you completely fall asleep in his arms. "Sleep tight kitten," He whispers not before planting a kiss on the top of your head.

✧Lumi

[fuckthesworld]

YOU’RE OURS

THOMAS x NEWT x READER 

NSFW

Warnings: Smut, threesome.

A/N : It is set after Death Cure . Our Cutie Newt is alive !!!!! I can’t let him die in my story . And yeah it’s my first imagine in Tumblr.

You couldn’t help the hiss that escaped your lips as Thomas gently padded the cut on your shoulder with gauze.

“Sorry” He flinched, “I’m being as soft as I can…”

“I know, tommy , it’s ok” You reassured him.

He sighed,

“No, it’s not. I’m good at this, god knows I’ve had practice, but I’m not a doctor…” nonetheless, he grabbed the needle and medical thread, “You should have let Brenda take a look at you”

You had been naive, the both of you, in believing you had seen the last of the cranks for the night.

The cranks were turning violent when they realized the immunes are not affected by them so they focused on biting the main arteries or important parts of body so that the immunes could either die due to blood loss or they become disabled .

During the last scavenging hunt you got bit on your shoulders but Newt was also hurt so Thomas asked brenda to stay with Newt .

Thanks the lord you were immune and newt was also immune as he was given the cure in safe haven .

It clicked then, watching your boyfriend’s tear streaked face.

“You’re in love with him”

“So are you” It wasn’t an accusation, just the statement of a fact. You weren’t really surprised he had realized, not when he could hear your heartbeat quicken whenever Newt showed up in your hut .

The silence fell between you like ghost, a heavy presence, invisible but suffocating, for several moments, until Thomas gathered enough courage to break it,

“I still love you, Y/N. This doesn’t change that”

“I know,” you sighed, “I still love you too”

“What are we going to do now?” He looked about as lost as you felt.

“I don’t know, Tommy…”

“I- I don’t want to lose you” He choked out a sob.

“You won’t” You stood, pulling him in, wrapping your arms around him. He held onto you hard, almost so hard it hurt, but you couldn’t let go. You wouldn’t. “You won’t lose me, Tommy , ever. Not for this, not for anything”

He leaned back just enough to crush his lips to yours, pouring all his desperation, all his fear and guilt into a bittersweet kiss. His arms wound even tighter around you in an iron grip, afraid if he let go for just a second, you would disappear from his side.

“Don’t leave me… please don’t leave me” He didn’t realize the words were escaping his mouth between kisses until your answer reached his ears, soothing like a balm:

“I won’t. I’m never leaving you”

The ground was swept from under your feet, as Thomas picked you up, bridal style. He needed you, his sunshine, his anchor to-

Until someone knocked the door .

“ Thomas , Y/N “ you both froze hearing Newt’s voice .

You found a silk robe to put on over your flimsy summer pajamas, covering your body not out of modesty, but to somewhat conceal the bandages and bruises littering your skin. Thomas smiled, it was just like you to hide your vulnerabilities, especially if you were expecting a confrontation. He took your hand, and you stepped out of the bedroom together. Come what may, you knew you could face it, as long as you had each other.

“Newt!” The gasp left Thomas’s throat unbidden, as soon as his eyes fell on his friend. It was a pitiful sight, the blonde still wearing the same clothes from last night, rumpled and dirty, the stench of sweat coming out of his pores .

“I’m sorry” Newt croaked between tears, “I’m so sorry ”

He hadn’t noticed how cold he was, until Thomas enveloped him in his warm embrace.

“It’s ok, Newt” You heard him whisper, “It’s going to be ok. We got you now…”

“Make it stop , Make my nightmare stop” Newt’s cries were muffled against your boyfriend’s shoulder, but you still could feel the pain in his voice, loud and clear. It hurt like a physical blow to your chest, knocking the air out of you. You had tried, you really had, but apparently your feelings for the brown eyed boy weren’t as under control as you had thought “Please… make it stop”

He wasn’t even conscious of the words leaving his mouth, as he begged to a god he didn’t believe in, to whoever might be listening, for something to numb the pain. To feel anything else than that soul crushing agony consuming him.

Thomas’s eyes found yours, a silent request for permission. You didn’t know what was in his mind, but you trusted him, with more than your life: You trusted him with your heart.

You nodded. It was all Thomas needed. He cupped Newt’s face with his hands, and kissed him.

It was surreal. Suddenly, you were witnessing your boyfriend passionately making out with the man that had been haunting your dreams for months, and you should have felt jealousy or betrayal, but the truth was, those were the furthest things from your mind. Because Newt seemed to be finally kissing back, fingers tangling in Thomas’s curls, still wet from your shared shower, tugging just enough for the brunnet to let out the most delicious little whimper and fuck, but that had to be the hottest thing you had ever seen in your life making you gasp.

And Thomas had probably felt the change in you, the rising in your temperature, the gasp that left your mouth, cause he reached for your hand without even looking, pulling you closer, guiding the blond man towards your lips. His once familiar mouth quickly reacquainted itself with yours, tongue exploring, teeth nibbling softly. The shock sent shivers down your spine, as Thomas’s hands opened your robe, sliding the cool silk down your arms. His lips on your neck had your head spinning, and you had to hold onto Newt’s strong shoulders to stop yourself from falling.

“Hey Love” He breathed out as you broke the kiss, cursing your need for oxygen.

“Hi” You smiled, “It’s been too long”

“Far too long” Newt agreed, the beautiful brown of his eyes, dark and turbulent with lust remembering the drunk kiss both of you shared in the glade at the bonfire .

Thomas didn’t stay idle for long, agile fingers working open Newt’s shirt, stepping closer, pushing your body further into Newt’s space. It wasn’t long till you found yourself trapped between two naked, equally stunning torsos, pushing and pulling, as Thomas’s and Newt’s lips collided again over your shoulder.

You felt your boyfriend’s hand slip inside your sleeping shorts, teasing you over your panties.

“Tommy” You reached back, arm hooked on the back of his neck for purchase, as he tugged your underwear to the side, and buried two fingers inside your tight heat.

“Fuck!”

Startled, you opened the eyes you hadn’t even realized you had closed. You were ashamed to admit you had pretty much forgotten the other man’s presence, Thomas was just that good, knew your body that well, but Newt was still standing in front of you, eyes fixed on the erotic way Thomas’s hand was moving inside your shorts. His other hand lowered the straps of your camisole one by one, baring your chest to Newt’s wonderstruck stare.

The moan that escaped your lips as Thomas started expertly massaging your breast finally pulled the golden haired man out of his trance,

“Can I…”

“Touch her?” Thomas finished for him, placing a sweet kiss on your temple, as your head rolled back, coming to rest on his chest, “I don’t know, buddy. You’ll have to ask her”

You heard Newt’s voice, but it was hard to concentrate with Thomas’s fingers penetrating you over and over again, grazing that perfect spot inside you every time. Thomas chuckled a little smugly.

“Baby girl, is it ok if Newt touches you?”

“Yes!” You panted, at last “Yes, please, Newt… touch me”

He did more than that, lips closing around the nipple not currently between Thomas’s fingers, hands roaming all around your body, tearing and ripping at clothes with Newt’s help, until you were completely naked, and completely at their mercy.

Your boyfriend laid you down on the bed He positioned you so your legs would hang out the border, guiding Newt to kneel between them.

“Bossy, aren’t you?” The blond quipped, playfully.

“Oh, you have no idea” Thomas smirked from behind his back, turning his head to capture his lips again in the filthiest of kisses. You watched Thomas’s hands trail down Newt’s chest, lower down his abs and further south still, undoing his button and his fly, disappearing inside his pants.

Your breath catched at the same time as his, when Thomas’s hand closed around his member, slowly pumping up and down, up and down, the same hypnotic.

Newt’s head fell forward, eyes closed in bliss, but that was when Thomas saw you.

“Naughty girl,” He murmured, eyes zeroing in the way your index finger was rubbing circles on your clit, “you know I hate it when you do that…”

Your smirk was defiant,

“What are you going to do about it?” You let your other hand travel over your skin, caressing softly, teasing yourself as much as teasing him “You have your hands full”

“I’ll take care of her” Newt was looking at you longingly, “Please, Thomas… let me take care of her…”

“Hmmm… only because you ask so nicely” Thomas’s words were a little slurred, and you knew he was drunk with the power. Having both you and Newt to dominate, to do as he said was making him dizzy, almost overwhelmed.

“Put your mouth on her, Newt… she’s fucking delicious, tastes just like strawberries…”

Newt bent over, licking his lips, eyes fixed on yours. The movement pressed his ass against Thomas’s hard on, making him hiss.

“Can I-”

“Yes, please”

Your boyfriend tugged both Newt’s pants and boxers down. You couldn’t see exactly what he was doing, but Newt’s handsome face, contorting in pleasure, gave you a pretty good idea.

“Oh, god, Newt!” You gasped as his tongue, at last, made contact with your flesh.

He hummed as if in agreement, flattening his tongue over your slit before using the tip to tap your pearl. Your hand flew to his head, finding purchase in his golden curls as he licked into you eagerly, rocking his whole face against you.

He was nothing like Thomas. This was messy, obscene, it lacked Thomas’s finesse and precision, but fuck it was good.

You could feel the coil tighten inside you, already so close to the brink from Thomas’s hand, but just as it was about to snap, Newt’s lips left you.

“Oh, fuck!” His curse was muffled against your thigh. You could see your boyfriend’s curls over the curve of Newt’s back and you could only guess what his wicked tongue was doing to the boy between your legs.

Oh yeah, he’s quite talented at that isn’t he?” You giggled despite your frustration

“So good” Newt moaned, “So so good…”

Thomas came into view then, placing kisses along Newt’s spine.

“If you want my mouth on you” He whispered in his ear, loud enough for you to hear, “keep yours on her”

Newt nodded, enthusiastically.

“And make sure she comes,” He went on, “that’s the only rule: Our girl gets to come… Over, and over,” He punctuated every word with a kiss down Newt’s back again, “and over, and over…”

The most wanton of noises left Newt and you knew conversation time was over as he dove right back in, separating your lips with his fingers, thrusting his tongue inside you as deep as it would go. Your back arched off the chaise, crying out loud when Newt decided to add a finger, and then another one, as his lips closed around your clit, sucking a little too hard.

It was too much.

“Newt… fuck, ah!… Slow down, baby”

“Keep going, Newt” Thomas’s tone was stern, as he watched you writhe in pleasure. He was on his knees again, coating two of his fingers with lube. When had he gone and fetch it, you had no idea. “Make her come… god you have to see her, she is so gorgeous when she comes…”

And it wasn’t going to take long, with the way Newt’s tongue was circling your clit and the vibrations from his own moans and sweet little whines, you could feel yourself right at that edge, all you needed was something to tip you over.

Newt’s hand made its way to your chest, finding your breast and massaging just the way you liked it, the way you had done earlier. He was a fast learner. But you didn’t have much time to marvel about that, cause you were finally falling, every nerve of your body going up in sparks, your cries of ecstasy intermingling with his, as Thomas finally, finally entered him, torturously slow, making him feel every lavish inch.

The stronger boy’s measured but powerful thrusts pushed Newt’s body forwards. He wrapped his arms around your waist, burying his face on your Neck, mouth slack against your skin, muffling his sounds.

“Careful there,” Thomas warned, slowing down his movements almost to a stop, “She’s hurt”

 Squaring your jaw, you looked up at Thomas .

“What are you waiting for, Tommy?” Your boyfriend’s eyes went wide at your commanding tone, “Fuck him like you mean it”

Thomas gulped, goosebumps erupting on his skin. Oh yeah, he might be a big boy now, but your dominant voice could still make him weak. He wondered absently if it was simply you, and everything you did, that turned him to putty in your hands.

“Yes, ma'am” He grabbed onto Newt’s hips, picking up his rhythm.

“Oh god!” Newt sobbed into your skin. You ran your hand through his curls, caressing soothingly.

“He feels good, doesn’t he? So hard and big…”

“So big…” The blonde agreed, “so deep…”

“How does Newt feel, Tommy?”

Your boyfriend was biting his lip, looking down, fixated on the place he was disappearing inside Newt.

“So good, so fucking tight…”

You sighed, yearningly. They were breathtakingly, heartbreakingly beautiful. All lean and strong muscles, locking and releasing, miles of soft creamy skin colliding on skin, tiny beads of sweat glistening in the soft morning light. It was fascinating, watching them move together, the dirty sounds leaving them more than enough to make you wet and ready again.

But before you could say something, you felt Newt stare on you.

“Y/N… I need you, please” He pleaded, small and shy, as if afraid you would say no. You looked at Thomas for reassurance, but he was already bending over, reaching for Newt’s cock and unrolling a condom around it, pushing him further up your body. The blond whined in complaint when the movement caused Thomas to slip out of him.

“You liked that, didn’t you?” Your boyfriend moved closer, kissing his shoulder, “Like me filling you up so good…”

Newt and you moaned in unison, making him chuckle.

“It’s her turn now. She needs to be filled too. So go on, bury that gorgeous cock of yours between her legs” Thomas encouraged, softly, his tone a stark contrast to the vulgarity of his words, “and I will fuck you so hard she will feel it”

Newt cursed, Thomas dirty mouth was going to be the death of him, he just knew it.

No, he was already in heaven, he decided, as he braced himself on his forearms at each side of your head, taking his sweet time entering you. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about this, the truth was he had, a million times. Now it was really you, and never in his wildest dreams had he pictured it could be like this, your breathy moans underneath him, your heat embracing him so perfectly… As your boyfriend did obscene, immoral, delicious things to him from behind, driving him right to the brink of sanity.

And he didn’t waste any time, thrusting hard and fast. Soon, Newt was a sobbing mess, trapped as every move to escape Thomas cock drove him deeper into you, every motion backwards and away from you impaling him further on Thomas cock. There wasn’t much he could do, but take whatever Thomas gave him.

You clung onto his back, blunt fingernails digging into his skin,

“I’m going to come… Newt, I’m going to come on your cock”

Fuck, you were just as dirty as your boyfriend. And it was truth, he could feel it, feel your walls quivering around his dick, feel your body starting to shake with the force of your orgasm. Thomas bended over, grabbing hold of his shoulders, changing the angle, hitting his prostate over and over, white hot pleasure exploding without warning. Newt drown his screams into your mouth, his climax almost painful in it’s intensity, his vision going black.

“ Why don’t you move in with us if your nightmares are that bad “ You said 

Newt was speechless. He had wish, he had dreamed, but he hadn’t let himself hope. That this… whatever it was, wild, and exiting, and delicate and precious between the three of you was not a one time thing. He had tried to convince himself that he would be fine if it was, that he was going to treasure it anyway, be glad it happened, enjoy it while it lasted. Even if it killed him the next day.

It was a fine line between happiness and heartbreak, the one he had been walking with you today.

“I… Well, I mean” He stammered “I think I would love to.  I mean. If it doesn’t bother you guys, that is”

Thomas and you exchanged a look, one of those silent communication things you seemed to always have going on, and he felt the littlest pang of envy. He wanted to be privy to those conversations, like he wanted to be a part of yours and Thomas’s world.

And maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t an impossible dream. Because suddenly he found himself with an armful if you, capturing his lips in a possessive kiss that spoke of something deeper than lust and passion, something permanent and meaningful and as inescapable as fate, ‘You are ours now, you belong to us. And we are never letting you go’

MASTERLIST

[solarwonux]

Autumn Leaves 

campus crush!jeonghan x f!reader

w.c: 3.1k

warnings: language, angst, suggestive

note: don’t mind me I’m just starting to re-upload all my old works onto tumblr again. This time last year I uploaded this story so I thought it was very fitting to re-upload it again around the same time. I hope you enjoy let me know your thoughts. 

masterlist

The first time you ever laid eyes on Yoon Jeonghan, the leaves had just started to change color. The dull greens slowly fading away as the days went by being replaced by the bright hues of oranges and reds. The leaves that had managed to fall due to their dying cause left a lovely trail behind as you made your way to your first class of the day.

That’s when you saw him, right in between the law building and the library. There he was laying down underneath a tree full of autumn leaves. Paying no attention to the boy who was talking rather animatedly next to him. He was looking up at the sky covered in leaves, an arm tucked underneath his head. You watched as a single bright colored leaf fell upon his chest. How he picked it up and twirled it between his thumb and middle finger. How he nodded absentmindedly at what the boy next to him was saying. How he threw the leaf he was holding to the side and sat up on his forearms. How his eyes met yours for a brief second and you knew you were done for.

You scrambled around trying to pick a different point to focus your attention on. You told yourself to get moving, that your class was waiting and being late was never an option no matter what. Yet, you couldn’t tear your eyes away from his perfect brown ones. When he smiled at you curiously before point towards the law building, almost as if he were telling you to get going before you were late. You didn’t know why you did it, but you nodded before turning and walking away. The single sound of his laughter ringing in your eyes as you approached your destination.

The rest of the day and so on your thoughts were invaded by him. The way the sunlight had hit his perfect features making him look ethereal. How his laughter had managed to heat up your checks as well as your heart. And for the remainder of the semester, you made sure to leave your dorm room extra early, every Monday and Wednesday. In hopes of catching the blonde boy that had managed to capture your heart. But the more the weather grew colder, the less hope you had in ever seeing him again.

And as the days bleed on you had started to forget about him slowly.

That was until the grueling snow had finally melted and the springtime began. The flowers had just started growing, making the campus look like a garden of tulips. The dead trees slowly gaining their leaves, blossoming into perfection as they regained their life once again.

You had promised to sit in on Jihoon’s soccer practice. “I’m going to make captain this year, I can feel it.” Your best friend exclaimed excitedly over the phone. You smiled and nodded while walking to the library.

“Ahh, I know you will, that’s why we’ll go out to celebrate afterward.” You suggested.

“Sounds like a plan, I’ll meet you by the locker rooms when practice is over.” He added before saying quick goodbye and hanging up.

That’s how you ended up sitting on the bleachers. Trying to keep your focus on Jihoon who was bursting with excitement ever since the coach had named him team captain. And you supposed that the universe had its ways of working against your favor. Because just as you started to shift your attention on something else that wasn’t him.

He was back, his hair color had changed from the unnatural platinum blonde you had first seen him into a soft brown. Back then you were sure he couldn’t have looked better. Until you saw the sun rays of the setting sun hitting him at just the right angle that made your heart want to burst from how hard it was beating.

In his sweating form, he looked beautiful, like a fallen angel that had made its way down to Earth. In order to capture the hearts of innocents as he had captured yours. You tried to shift your attention to your best friend or anyone else for that matter. Your attempts being deemed as unsuccessful.

For the remainder of Jihoon’s practice, you fought with yourself for acting like an idiot. For getting all giddy inside whenever you heard his voice shout an obscene amount of insults at his teammates jokingly. For letting your legs grow weak whenever his laughter found its way into your veins making you choke on air. Bottom line you were a nervous mess and you weren’t sure how you managed to survive the rest of the practice without fainting.

As you waited for Jihoon while sitting on a bench in front of the locker room. You tried to keep yourself distracted by checking all social media. Even platforms you hadn’t seen yourself checking since freshman year of high school. Literally, anything to keep your mind off of a sweaty breath-taking brunette boy who had come to own your heart without his knowledge.

“Hey, I hope you don’t mind the guys want to come along with us,” Jihoon said, breaking your train of thought. You looked up meeting your best friend’s eyes, while the rest of his teammates acted like fools behind him unaware of your presence.

“Yeah, I don’t mind.” You answered before you could really process what he was asking you. You watched as Jihoon’s grinned widened as he hugged you tightly. Deep down you knew you were in for an overwhelming and anxiety-induced night. But for Jihoon you would go to the end of the Earth twice in order to make him happy.

Dinner was interesting, you ended up sitting in between Jeonghan and Mingyu, who you recognized as the boy that was with him the first time you saw him. And who seemed to dislike each other greatly. At least that’s what you had concluded by the end of the night. One minute they were talking and laughing with one another. When suddenly they’d start arguing about something stupid, with you stuck in the middle.

“Mingyu you’re not listening to me; Messi is not the greatest soccer player that has ever lived.” Jeonghan had practically spat in Mingyu’s direction. Mingyu scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Han honestly you’re entitled to your opinion but it’s obviously wrong,” Mingyu answered taking a spoonful from the rice in front of him. You could feel Jeonghan fuming next to you. His body heat lingering in the air making your nerves spiral out of control.

Needless to say, dinner was interesting.

Despite all the bickering going on between Jeonghan and Mingyu and you arguing with Jihoon to let you pay for your own mean. In which he ended up winning. Dinner had gone rather smoothly.

Now you stood waiting outside as the guys each bid each other a farewell. Which took an eternity because of the fact that they’d come up with excuses to continue talking to one another. It was cute though and you found yourself wishing you had a friendship bond as close as those boys had to one another. Of course, you had Jihoon, who had been with you through the toughest times of your life. But your bond with him wasn’t anything like the bond he had with the guys. In other words, in your eyes it was magical.

The way they cared for and supported one another. The way they stuck to one another through thick and thin. The way you had to physically pull them apart in order to get them to stop talking so they could go home. It was all fascinating and you felt yourself wishing your friends were anything like Jihoon’s. Sadly, they weren’t which made your longing grow deeper.

“Seokmin wants to show me a new game he bought, and the guys want to play it, is it okay if I don’t walk you home tonight?” Jihoon tapped your shoulder and smiled at you shyly.

“It’s fine campus isn’t far from here anyway.” You said nodding your head.

“You’re the best, I’ll see you later okay?” Jihoon asked rather than stating. You nodded your head and wrapped your arms around him giving him the tightest hug. Although the two of you had been friends since childhood, hugs still felt awkward between the two of you.

“Congratulations on making team captain Woozi.” You said pulling away and ruffling his hair causing him to groan angrily.

“Whatever loser, text me when you get home.” He said firmly before turning around and running back to his teammates that had started to argue on who gets to play the game first.

You shook your head smiling before turning around and heading towards campus.

“Wait.” You heard someone call out making you stop walking. You closed your eyes as your mind registered who the voice belonged to. “I’ll walk with you,” Jeonghan said when he was finally next to you.

You gripped the strap of your cross-body bag tightly. Of course, luck was never on your side, to begin with, and maybe the universe was working with you. But right now, it felt like it was working against you.

“Aren’t you going to Seokmin’s?” You asked keeping your focus ahead as you started walking again.

“Have an 8 am class tomorrow.” He shrugged and continued walking next to you. His gym bag strapped across his white shirt and his hands stuffed nonchalantly into his red joggers.

“oh.” Was all you managed to say as you tried your best not to let the tension growing between the two of you overpower your senses.

The two of you walked in silence. The only sound that was heard was your feet against the pavement and the over blaring sound of the car horns surrounding the two of you. Neither one of you threatened to speak or cut the tension that was bubbling up between the two of you as you got closer to campus. From your peripherals you caught him staring at you curiously. And the more the two of you walked the closer he had started to get to you. Soon you were breathing in his body scent and it was driving you crazy.

“Thanks for walking me, you didn’t have to.” You said as you stopped right in front of your dorm room. He leaned against the wall beside your door eyeing you closely as you look for your key in your bag.

“I wanted too.” He shrugged as you finally found it, inserting it in the lock and just before you could turn the doorknob a hand stopped you. You turned to face the curious boy that had patiently waited for you to get inside. His eyes pleading as if he were to ask you something and just before he could let the words out. His instinct took over and he kissed you deeply. Kissed you like you were the only person that mattered to him.

He wrapped his arms around you tightly bringing you in closer, finally cutting the tension that had grown between the two of you over the past four hours. He pinned you against your door as you responded to his feverish kiss. Feeling right at home as his hands trailed down your back in search of your doorknob.

The second he found it and opened the door he pushed you inside softly. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled against your lips as he walked you backward. “Don’t be.” You said breathlessly as you pulled away taking your hand in his and leading him into your bedroom.

The next morning when you woke up, you were alone. The ache between your legs reminding you of the sinful act you had committed the night before. Any traces of Jeonghan gone with him. The only thing that remained were the ghost touches of his fingertips against your fragile skin. That day you cried, cried for the loss of innocence. And cried because you felt betrayed. You don’t know what you were expecting as you let him touch you the way you wanted to be touched but it wasn’t the emptiness you were currently experiencing.

For the rest of the semester, you avoided going to Jihoon’s practices and games as if they were the plague. Every excuse in the worldwide book of excuses, you had used at least twice. Until one day his pleas and calls stopped coming. And you knew you had let a boy come in between the years of friendship Jihoon and you had under your belts.

You had spent weeks crying over your lost friendship. Whenever you reached out to him he would leave you on read or send your phone call to voicemail, you felt your heart shatter. You knew you had brought this upon yourself, you knew you were wasting your tears since this had been entirely your wrongdoing. But you couldn’t help but feel helpless and alone.

Then one Sunday morning after a night of spilling saddened tears for Jihoon and angry tears for Jeonghan. You had woken up feeling like the wave of sadness had finally passed. Summer was in full bloom which meant the scorching heat was back. But you felt okay and that’s all that mattered at least in that moment. You had somewhat returned to normal. You had stopped dreading getting out of bed every morning and your interest in your classes had been regained.

You spent that entire summer with your other friends. Your bond had grown closer as they watched you break before their very eyes’ months before. They were there for you bringing you the worst movies and all the ice cream you could ever ask for.

The peace had finally been restored in your life, only for it to be ruined one Friday night when Yoon Jeonghan showed up at your door before the start of the fall semester.

You had decided to have a night in. Your friends had tried to convince you to go out with them for drinks. But you hadn’t had a relaxing night to yourself in months. So, you decided to stay in with your Netflix account and a cheap bottle of wine you had bought on your way home from the corner store.

Just as you were about to sit down, you heard someone knocking on your apartment door. You looked up at the clock that sat on top of the tv, that had never worked once. But somehow you had developed this annoying habit of looking at it whenever you wondered what time it was. Groaning annoyed with yourself you set down your wine bottle and wine glass down on the coffee table. You made your way to your front door and looked through the peephole.

Your heart started to race as the ghost of that unforgettable night stood on the other side of the door looking like he had just finished running a marathon. You let out a tiny squeak as you leaned your back against the door. You closed your eyes contemplating whether you should open the door or not. But when the knocking came back and became more desperate than before. You knew you had to open the door because something in the back of your mind told you he wouldn’t stop until you did.

You unlocked your door and placed your hand on top of the doorknob. Inhaling deeply before you opened your front. Once your door was open, Jeonghan pushed past you and walked in leaving you dumbfounded as he pulled on the roots of his hair. You closed the door before turning to face him and watched as he paced back and forth almost as if he were arguing with himself.

“Please tell me you felt it too?” He asked looking at you with pleading eyes. His hands shaking slightly as he ran them desperately through his hair.

“W-What are you talking about?” You asked confused leaning your back against the door. He turned to face you and closed the distance he had created between the two of you. You held out your arm asking him to stop before he could get any closer.

“That night please tell me you felt it too?”

You stopped breathing upon hearing his question. Because whatever he was talking about, you had felt it. You had felt it that day when you first saw him underneath the autumn leaves. You had felt it when he first kissed you and pinned you against your front door. You had felt it when you pushed him down on to your bed and straddled his lap. You had felt it when he looked into your eyes deeply before asking you for permission to continue. When he had pinned you down underneath him and taken your clothes off. When your skin felt like it was on fire underneath his lips.

You had felt that wave of overwhelming emotions as he rutted into you with everything in his being. Like letting you go was the last thing he ever wanted to do. As he looked into your eyes with a passion you never once had seen in anyone else. That night, despite the suffering that had come afterward, was irreplaceable.

“Y-Yes.” You finally choked out, his pleading eyes softening as he let out a sigh of relief.

“I’m sorry, I left that morning, I’m sorry I never called, but you overwhelmed my senses. I couldn’t think clearly from that day on. And I’m the coward that got scared with everything I was feeling.” He confessed leaning his forehead against yours. “You’re a force to be reckoned with and I’ve been hating myself since that night for leaving you the way I did.” He finished closing his eyes as he planted a soft kiss on your forehead.

You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding in. And wrapped your arms around your neck leaning into his touch. “Yoon Jeonghan, do you have any idea what you’ve put my poor heart through these past few months?”

“Believe me, I made myself go through the same suffering. Jihoon literally had to slap me for being an idiot today after practice.” He said wrapping his arms around your waist lightly. “I’m sorry.” He finished smiling softly. The same smile you had fallen for months before.

You shook your head smiling before you shoved him lightly. “I don’t know why I can’t say no to you.” You said pecking his lips before he had any chance to react.

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” He asked curiously raising an eyebrow before leaning down and hovering his lips over yours.

“I haven’t decided yet.” You said before kissing him lightly.

The two of you holding onto one another tightly not knowing what the universe would have in store for the two of you.

[permanentcrossfics]

Intentional // h.s.

Gently, you hooked your fingers into the thin gold chains dangling around his neck. They were dim under the shadow of his chin and his eyes flickered down briefly as you slowly pulled the crosses out from underneath his t-shirt. You ran your fingers back and forth, moving the pendants along the chains as if they were on a zipline.

“Still looking, love?” he asked, voice slightly more strained. You nodded, extending your index finger to play with the chest hairs peeking out from his neckline.

Then, you stopped. Almost in tandem with your fist closing around the chains, Harry tipped his cap back before ducking down to kiss you. You swayed, senses overwhelmed -- his skin was under your nose, his mouth was over yours, his groan was in your ears, and his hands were slinking behind you, shielding your back as he pressed you into the shelving. Right then, he was the world. Everything and everyone outside of this aisle was muted and shunned into total darkness. Tentatively, you wrapped your hand tighter in his necklaces and tugged, and all but immediately he dug his fingers into your back without so much as taking a breath. You whimpered and, hand still tangled, you slid it up his neck. You’d just gotten your forearm around his neck when he pulled away.

“I--” He cleared his throat, eyes closed, and pulled his cap down by the brim before pushing it back up again. “Don’t think they really have what m’lookin’ for today,” he said.

Your heart sank, blood still pounding through your veins and head dizzy.

“I think-- f’we can maybe-- d’you wanna go home? Maybe?”

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Transitions were… tricky.

Before you and Harry had joined hands and taken the leap, you were convinced there was nothing worse than the agonizing tickle of did he or didn’t he, would you or wouldn’t you. There was nothing worse than your racing heart when he let his hand linger in more than friendly ways -- in the dip of your lower back, across your shoulder, anywhere he could get that wasn’t copping a feel. Nothing worse than resting your face in the crook of his neck, nose brushing his skin, and listening to him talk through his chest, voice somehow deeper that way. Nothing worse than watching his face fall when you said no, you couldn’t get dinner with him. Why? You had a dinner date with someone else.

Even now you remembered the pang of his confusion and how his easy smile had slipped from his face.

Not long after that he’d cornered you in his visibly nervous resolve. It ended with you perched on top of your kitchen counter, legs spread and him between them as you made out in sweet relief.

How’d you not known? How’d you not have any idea? You’d teased that you were blinded by your pining, but it was bad for him, too, he’d insisted. Awful wondering how to go about it without fucking up a friendship if friendship was all you wanted. All those times of trying to initiate a shift -- first with a slow drawl of, “Is this ok?” while dragging his thumb across the backs of your knuckles in more than the quick passes he’d done in the past. Then, the “All right?” he’d rumbled in your ear when he’d kept you in a hug longer than either of you usually did had you arching into him at the time. To his credit, he hadn’t laughed. If anything, he’d pulled you closer so all of you was stretched across all of him and he’d held on tight. He never let go if he could help it.

That was weeks ago -- three by now, give or take. Three weeks and the bliss of not dancing around suspicions or purposefully sidestepping signs was like a weight had been lifted from both your shoulders. Three weeks of staying in and coffees out and walking through the park after dark and in the rain because that was how privacy could be next to guaranteed. Three weeks, but no date.

“What’ve we been doing?” you’d asked when he’d made the observation over curry takeaway.

“Hanging out.” He shrugged. “Y’know? We haven’t--” sighing, shoulders slumping, he said, “I haven’t taken you anywhere, or….”

So, a date. A real date -- a first, devoid of the jitters and uncertainties that came with meeting someone new, but full of different ones. A date set with the intent of being a real date, not like anything else you’d do.

Just Harry. Just your friend, just your buddy, just someone who was no longer just anyone anymore. Harry, but your fingers shook and nearly spilled the contents of your purse when he rapped on your door.

“Coming!” you called, voice strained. Two twists of your lock later and your door was open. “Hey,” you said. Those off-white loafers he’d more than worn in, grey trousers, the cap stuffed over his hair, and the scooped neck of his tank top underneath his long wool coat assured you that you’d made the right choice with your outfit. His onceover of you was almost imperceptible -- another habit he’d sworn to you he was sure you’d noticed more than once despite himself, and one he’d thought secured him in your mind.

“Ready?” he asked and you nodded, stepping out and pulling the door closed behind you.

“Where--?”

Could you ask that? As friends you’d have badgered him, but as friends he’d have told you beforehand instead of omitting the plan.

He grinned, key fob in hand. “Thought we’d go somewhere we both like….”

“Which is?”

His eyes slid to you and his cheek dimpled deeper. “Maybe go listen to some music.”

***

The record shop was an institution. For all intents and purposes, it was a hole in the wall -- decades of cigarette smoke permeated the walls by at least three inches, and the thick floorboards were warped and creaked with even the slightest step. What the aisles lacked in width they made up for in height, with row after row of albums loaded onto shelving units that nearly touched the fluorescent lights in the ceiling. Some were wrapped in cellophane, but most were opened with handwritten pricemarks affixed to the front of them, colors distorted and worn from fingers and care throughout the years.

“This isn’t ‘hanging out’?” you asked quietly, scanning the shelves as you moved along them slowly.

“No,” came his answer from several steps behind you. “It’s something we like doing together.”

“Friends look at records,” you said. “Can you hand me that one?” you asked, pointing at a shelf that was just out of reach.

“Hmm?” Harry looked up from the back of a sleeve he was examining. “Oh, sure.”

“Thanks.” You took it from him and flipped it over. “Do you have this one?”

“I do,” he said. “It’s nice.”

“Why haven’t I ever heard you play it?”

Harry shrugged and you huffed. “You have everything, don’t you?” you said, putting it back. He smirked, but otherwise didn’t react, and you bit your lip, deflating, and averted your eyes. When he’d parked the car out front, you had felt a certain level of ease with the familiarity. Now, though, you felt like… Jesus, you hated admitting it because it made you sound needy, but you felt like you had to vye for his attention. You were his date, but music was his wife, his children, his wife’s children from her first marriage, and more wrapped up into one. At least before, you would sometimes catch each other’s eye in a way that felt forbidden or you’d trade stories and ideas -- anything to have an excuse to talk or get close.

You’d never had this problem as friends.

Your shoes thudded along the floor as you walked through the narrow aisles, the rounding corners and twisting through crates that were stacked one on top of the other -- rescued vinyls, CDs, 8-tracks, and cassette tapes that would’ve met some other end if they hadn’t been sheltered here. It was like stepping through the wardrobe into a musical Narnia where time was lost and you could move seamlessly across it -- decade to decade, month to month, day to day. Twisting your purse so it was behind you and out of your way, you started thumbing through albums, stopping suddenly and pulling one out when it caught your eye.

“What’ve y’got there?”

You jumped, throat closing, and nearly dropped the album on your foot. “Oh my God, Harry!” you whispered. He grinned widely, obnoxiously and obviously pleased he’d startled you, and if it wouldn’t break, you’d hit him with the record. “You absolute--”

“Dunno how you didn’t hear me,” he said. “Floors are--” He leaned back and forth, the squeaking almost musical.

“Stop that,” you said, turning away from him. You were reading the back when he slipped his hand around your waist, palm splayed over your hip.

“What’s that?” he repeated his previous question close to your ear. Wordlessly, you flipped it around and he hummed. “That’s a good one. Don’t have that, actually.”

“No?”

He shook his head and the ends of his hair brushed your ear. Your pulse quickened. Having him this close and letting him so casually step into your bubble of personal space and linger was still so new and unfamiliar. Even now, questions about whether it meant anything cropped up, tickling your brain -- surely this had to be an accident, not anything intentional. Surely he had to not even realize what he was doing. Surely none of this could mean anything.

Surely.

“D’you think you’re gonna get it?”

You inhaled quickly and cleared your throat, slipping it back onto the shelf. “I-- don’t know.” Your mouth was dry and you coughed delicately, but when you made to spin to slip by him, he got his hand on your other hip and held you in place.

“Where’re you going?”

Straightening up, something pulled behind your navel. Electric -- the word made you roll your eyes, but it was the only one you could describe the intensity of the charge you felt. Almost nose to nose, you could see every detail on his face. You’d seen them countless times before without a thought, but they were somehow more now. Every crease of his eyelids, every slight variation in the shade of his eyes, the patches of his facial hair that were thicker and darker than others, the freckle on his lip and the other on his chin and the way his throat bobbed, and--

“Just looking,” you whispered.

“Yeah?” Harry asked. “M’lookin’, too.”

The bell above the door clanged at the front of the shop. It was muted, distant, and voices were muffled. Next to no one ever came back here -- that’s why he liked this place. It was so deep, no one would ever find him. He could duck in, disappear, find a gem or three, and quietly leave without anyone being the wiser.

It was Narnia. Safe, surrounded by mentors of times gone by, with no one to interrupt.

Gently, you hooked your fingers into the thin gold chains dangling around his neck. They were dim under the shadow of his chin and his eyes flickered down briefly as you slowly pulled the crosses out from underneath his t-shirt. You ran your fingers back and forth, moving the pendants along the chains as if they were on a zipline.

“Still looking, love?” he asked, voice slightly more strained. You nodded, extending your index finger to play with the chest hairs peeking out from his neckline.

Then, you stopped. Almost in tandem with your fist closing around the chains, Harry tipped his cap back before ducking down to kiss you. You swayed, senses overwhelmed -- his skin was under your nose, his mouth was over yours, his groan was in your ears, and his hands were slinking behind you, shielding your back as he pressed you into the shelving. Right then, he was the world. Everything and everyone outside of this aisle was muted and shunned into total darkness. Tentatively, you wrapped your hand tighter in his necklaces and tugged, and all but immediately he dug his fingers into your back without so much as taking a breath. You whimpered and, hand still tangled, you slid it up his neck. You’d just gotten your forearm around his neck when he pulled away.

“I--” He cleared his throat, eyes closed, and pulled his cap down by the brim before pushing it back up again. “Don’t think they really have what m’lookin’ for today,” he said.

Your heart sank, blood still pounding through your veins and head dizzy.

“I think-- f’we can maybe-- d’you wanna go home? Maybe?”

Already? You’d only just gotten there, and you thought maybe for all his talk of a date, he’d….

Harry tilted his head, green eyes unblinking and imploring you to understand something. His cheeks were pink and he opened his mouth before closing it quickly with a mumble of, “M’mean… we don’t have to-- if you’re not, then I don’t….”

Oh.

Oh.

“Sure,” you gasped. “Yeah.”

You’d no sooner gotten the words out than he’d unwound your hand from around his necklace to hold it in his and pull you with him back from Narnia to the front of the shop and into the real world.

***

The car ride was hell. Whatever tension had settled and relaxed on the way over had grown tenfold on the way back. You were pretty sure he broke at least three rules on the way that included saying, “No one ever comes down this road, anyway,” under his breath and flooring the gas in a way that had you gripping the door and seriously debating your answer when he asked if you were ok. But the click of his turn signal before he rolled into his driveway was like a ticking time bomb.

You were home. Your friend who was a bit more than friendly had invited you home with the clear and unmistakeable intention to have sex.

With him.

That was a little more different.

Harry turned the car off and twin pops of seatbelts unfastening followed in quick succession. Abandoning chivalry, he left you to your door in favor of racing to his front one to open it up and usher you both inside out of the light drizzle that’d started halfway there.

You were walking into his house to have sex with him.

It was warm and cozy inside. Decorated in all its eccentric ways, his home felt like it was still getting used to having him home more often. Your shoes scuffed and squeaked the hardwood and his loafers padded with purpose as he went around flicking lights on to brighten the rooms. His cap was gone, having carelessly tossed it somewhere on his way in, and he was shaking his coat off when you fumbled with your bag before dropping it on the sofa and kicking off your shoes.

Ready.

Set….

“I’m--”

Gonna go upstairs.

The rest of it, though, was lost when Harry spun you by the waist and you only just caught sight of his curls — disheveled from the hat he’d stuffed them under — before he reeled you in with a smashing kiss. Unrestrained, unrelenting, and unforgiving, he was off, and it was all you could do to cling to his shoulders for dear life as he backed you up in the practiced way someone who lived there and knew every quirk and oddity of his own house might. He was free to touch, and you were, too, and you did. You touched his back, his shoulders, his chest, his stomach, the zipper on his trousers, and his thighs with greedy hands that were learning as fast as they could. As in the shop, again he pulled away and grabbed your hand to lead you up the steps, and your knees quaked so badly you nearly fell down more than once on the way up.

You felt naughty. The same frantic energy of two teenagers trying to beat the clock after school before Mum came home to make dinner pricked you, and judging by the permanent smile pulling his mouth and carving smile lines deeper, he felt it, too. Hurry up, quick, before anyone caught on that you were going to have sex with your friend Harry.

“Everyone probably thinks we’ve already--”

His barking laugh cut you off -- a little wheezy, but it was deep from his belly, and infectious -- and you followed him, giggling, into his bedroom.

It smelled like him. It was the whiff you got when you hugged him, or, more recently, kissed him, but even more, and it was so concentrated it made you woozy. The bed was made, if haphazardly -- like he’d decided on it while getting dressed because he thought he should, but he hadn’t wanted to spend the time on doing it right -- and clothes were visible through half-open drawers and draped onto the stuffed armchair in the corner of his room.

“Did you clean?” you teased. He exhaled sharply and shook his head, but his mouth quirked at the corners and his cheeks were pink. Biting your lip, you squeezed his hand and he stepped closer.

“Is this ok?” he asked. Nodding, you tilted your head up slightly to meet his mouth. Less hurried and violent than the one downstairs, this kiss reached deep, stirring up nerves and butterflies. Each time he broke it, you chased him for more, and he smiled into it, pressing his warm hand on your cheek. “Gonna take your clothes off now,” he mumbled between several smacking kisses.

“Ok….”

Your clothes and his were gradually removed -- button by button, snap after snap, and zippers, too, slowly and with careful intent despite the rush you were both in. Discovering him and having him discover you was nothing short of exhilarating. Harry drew his hand over your bare shoulder with almost curious possessiveness before ducking down and sponging kisses up and down it that had your eyes fluttering shut and your head rolling back. He groaned in the back of his throat and his teeth scraped your skin when he bit you gently, pulling a gasp from you and you yourself back to consciousness.

Dazed and lips parted with each gulping breath, you stared at him. His hair was dark and twisted, pulled this way and that by your hands and his, and his chest rose and fell rapidly, the same crosses you’d tugged earlier glinting in the streaks of soft grey light peeking through his curtains. Even the most faded ink on his torso and arms seemed to pop bright and black on his skin, and without thinking, you pressed your palms to it, absorbing the warmth as you skated over him before doing as he had and leaning in to press a kiss to his shoulder.

How many times had you suppressed thoughts of kissing his skin? How many times more had you indulged in them feeling guilty and unsure, because he was your friend and things weren’t like that for either of you? How many times had you wondered when you’d get to do this since things had shifted? You kissed and pulled at the skin along his shoulders, chest, and arms, relishing his stuttered breaths, and you only paused when, glancing up, you caught the look on his face. With hooded eyes and a parted, bright red mouth, he looked like a man -- not a man who was your friend, but a man you wanted to rip into and who you wanted to rip into you. A man who could, and was perfectly capable of it, and who would without even having to be asked if you only said yes, please. It was feral, it was instinctual, and you clapped your hand behind his neck before smashing your mouth to his with a desperate whimper.

Harry turned you smoothly onto his bed and you squeaked when your back hit the mattress with a bounce and he went with you. You were covered by him from head to toe, and you ran your foot up his calf, hooking it around the back of his knee. “Ha--” muffled against his mouth, he groaned immediately.

“I know,” he said. “I know, I know….”

One bra strap and then the other snapped when he slipped them down your arms, but the sting barely made an impression when he let out a slow, hot breath against your chest and peppered kisses over the tops of your breast. Nose pressed to your skin, he took a deep breath, and the anxiety that had wound itself into tight little balls in you of unchecked energy gradually loosened and dissolved. He was nervous -- not enough to inhibit him, but enough to roll off him and onto you. You almost laughed. You’d been so focused on your own perspective, you’d lost sight of the fact that this was different for him, too.

His best friend was in his bed, nearly naked, and he was about to have sex with them.

“Is this ok?” you whispered over his head. Harry stopped and looked up at you.

“Is…?” He grinned, laughing, and shook his head. “Yeah,” he said. “It’s great.”

Simple and silly, that one word sent you soaring. Great -- you were great. This was great. Pushing his chest, you sat up when he rolled off you as you wordlessly reached behind to unhook your bra. You didn’t miss the way his eyes dropped automatically when you shimmied it down your arms, and you smirked in a way you hoped was half as coy as you’d tried to make it.

“Go,” you murmured, pushing his chest again.

“Ah,” Harry said, doing as you asked and falling back onto his elbows. “They like to be in charge, then?”

Heat crept up through you when you straddled his thighs. “Sometimes.” You slipped your fingers into the waistband of his boxers, noticing very briefly how soft his skin was against your knuckles before you pulled the elastic firmly. Harry lifted his hips so you could get them down, and just as his had, your eyes dropped despite yourself. Mostly hard, he rested against the crease of his thigh. Any number of adjectives ran through your head, and you only realized you were still looking, lost in thought, when you caught the cocky twist of his mouth.

“Go on, then,” he said quietly. Snorting, you rolled your eyes and fell forward, chest-to-chest with him, and he drew you up into a kiss. Smashed together, you stayed just like that, hands stroking, dipping, and exploring bare skin. You shivered when he slipped his hand into your underwear to knead your ass, and your wriggling made him grunt in a tortured way. “Condom’s in the drawer,” he mumbled. “Gonna… have to… wait… wait here.”

Harry gently eased you away by the waist before rolling across his bed and stood to open his bedside table. You dropped your head onto his pillow and watched him with a small smile. “Were you planning this?”

He tore a condom off the strip. “No. I mean….” Harry shrugged. “Had hope that… maybe eventually… y’know…” he said sheepishly. He looked at you as if gauging your reaction. “Is that…?”

Your smile widened and you held your arm out, inviting him back, and he let out a deep breath, taking it.

“Know how t’keep me on my toes,” he mumbled.

“Good,” you said just before kissing him, arm tight around his neck. He inhaled deeply and sheets rustled as you rolled in them, turning him onto his back and sending you with him. With your weight settled on top of him, you lay there comfortably, languidly kissing through soft, breathless moans. He, for his part, seemed content to let his hands wander the sides of your breasts, your back, your hips, over your ass, the crease along your thighs, and finally….

You stilled with a gasp when he slid the pads of his fingers over you -- up and down, up and down -- before he carefully parted you with just the tips. Gulping, you broke from his mouth and rested your forehead on his shoulder with a rattling breath, gripping his bicep and shifting to bring one of your knees up. Harry grunted and adjusted himself beneath you before pressing a kiss to your ear and sliding his fingers deeper. He curled them and your mouth fell open. Beneath you, he chuckled, but didn’t say a word as he pumped them in and out of you, each wet, slick stroke somehow louder than the last. God, could he hear that? Of course he could.

“Come on,” he whispered, gradually slowing his fingers. He pulled them out and drew them up your skin, leaving a sticky trail behind. “Come….” The wrapper crinkled when you tore into it, and he pinched the top while you smoothed the condom down to his base. Hands braced on his chest, you held your breath as you settled over him.

“Breathe,” he warned, jaw tight and eyes flickering between your face and where you were above him. “Breathe, yeah? Just--”

“I’m ok,” you assured him, drawing his head between your legs, sliding it until you found your entrance. “I’m….” You trailed off into a sigh when you opened around his head, and, swallowing hard, you eased down, down, down onto him until you were nearly seated on his thighs. “Oh my God,” you moaned under your breath.

“Breathe,” Harry said again. Eyes closed, you did as he said, taking slow, deep breaths in and out. He was… this was a stretch. Not painfully so, but one regardless. You pulsed, grimacing immediately, before rocking on top of him. There -- that wasn’t so bad. Not at all, even, that was good. Hands still on his chest, you braced yourself and pushed back and forth, slowly at first and then with more certainty. Beneath you, Harry grunted and clapped his hands over your hips as if caught off guard. “Shit,” he breathed.

Eyes stamped shut, he tilted his head back, drilling it into his pillow, and you marveled at the long column of his neck. You watched his throat bob several times and you followed the path up to his sharp jawline, his tight mouth, to where his nose was flaring harshly. He laughed breathlessly and opened his eyes, but there was an unfocused gleam to them. “Y-y’killin’... killin’ me,” he stuttered. “You….”

He trailed off when you hooked your fingertips into his chains again and tugged. His chin doubled when he lifted his head and when he locked eyes with you, you grinned impishly before easing down onto him. Clapping a firm hold on your ass, he brought you down hard and you groaned abruptly. That was deep -- that was in your belly -- and your face screwed up when he did it again and again, thrusting his hips sharply against yours.

“Oh my-- Harry-- fuck!”

The bands of his rings, warm from his body heat, pinched your skin when he tightened his hold. He practically shook beneath you with the effort he was using, every breath labored, but suddenly, he stopped. Before you could so much as whisper, the world spun around you and you were on your back, empty.

“Shit!” Harry spluttered, pushing his fingers through his now damp hair. It fell right back in front of his forehead and you let out a wheezy stream of giggles. “That-- that was not supposed to be that….”

You laughed louder and he kissed your jaw, grinning against it while kneading one of your breasts, thumb rolling back and forth over your nipple. Eyes closing, you sighed breathily when he ducked down and sucked with a low, reverent groan and incomprehensible mumbles. When he stretched out above you again to push in, you wrapped both your arms around his back as yours arched with a quiet moan.

“God, this feels good,” you said, candid and unprompted, sinking into the feeling as he sank into you.

“Feels amazing,” he said. “Feels so fucking….” Grunting, he shuddered and dropped nearly all his weight on top of you. “Bring your legs up,” he said. “Bring your legs--” You complied, locking your ankles just above his ass, thighs spread wide. “Good, good girl.”

“You like to… to be the boss?” you teased, echoing his earlier jab.

He thrust sharply, punching a shout from you.

“Yes.”

Again and again he drove into you, and it was all you could do to grab onto him. He’d been holding back! He’d been holding way back! You hiccuped a breath and pressed your mouth to his shoulder, face twisted as you grappled his back with shaking fingers. This was good sex -- this was the type of sex that elevated you and made your toes shake and curl while you gasped for breath. The type of sex where you were going and going until you lost your breath right on the edge and you had to pause and feel the tickles of an orgasm slip away because it was that or pass out cold. This was sex you kissed and bit your way through and would leave you sore from your scalp down through the balls of your feet. It was roll over, lift like this, deeper, there? There sex. This sex was….

You weren’t sure at first because it felt fast, but it was confirmed with the first contraction deep in your abdomen. “Oh my God,” you moaned in disbelief. One of your hands slipped against his back and he hissed, faltering for just a moment as you uttered a pitchy, “Sorry… sorry!” while finding your hold both in his firm upper back and the softer muscle close to his hips.

“Close?” he ground out, voice muffled, and you nodded against his shoulder, turning your face into his sweaty neck. The smell of cologne and sweat was strong, almost dizzyingly so, and each new contraction brought on by his pelvis grinding against yours made it worse.

Swallowing, mouth dry, you whispered, “I’m think I’m gonna cum,” in an almost confessional tone. “I think--”

“Ok!” he said under his breath. “Ok-- oh, shit….” He moaned, a long, loud, drawn out sound and his hips faltered. ‘Wait! Wait, fuck!” Breathless and keening he thrust roughly, like he was trying to beat a clock only he could hear, breathing raggedly under your ear. Panting, you locked your arms and legs around him. You’d never been particularly loud -- years of necessity had built a habit -- but you could hear yourself now, calling out things that didn’t even make sense, writhing underneath him like you were out of your mind. It was almost pornographic, and you almost laughed, but it got caught in your throat when your cunt pulsed and your whole body tightened.

“Oh, Harry, oh, God!”

Harry smashed a stubbly kiss to the corner of your mouth, and his chin hit yours so hard it hurt. Your eye watered, whether from pain or the intensity of him still grinding, but seconds later through sputtered pleases and increasingly frantic thrust, he groaned so deeply you felt it in you. You went entirely still as he trembled, cock throbbing, and in the next minute he’d collapsed full weight on top of you. You sucked soft, wheezy breaths in as best you could, but your lungs were crushed in your chest with the pressure he was putting on them. Just as you were about to ask him to… maybe… please, Harry… move… he pushed up and off you to the side just enough to relieve you.

“Shit!” he rasped, face planted against your shoulder. “Shit.”

Yeah. Shit. Did you say it out loud? You couldn’t tell -- you couldn’t tell much of anything anymore. Everything was somehow pleasantly hot and numb at the same time, and you were thirsty. Your head was ringing, too, and you couldn’t remember the last time sex had left you this finished. Totally and thoroughly finished.

You’d done it. You’d had sex with him, with intent, and it was incredible.

Harry slipped his hand around your bicep and squeezed, pressing kisses to your skin in silence. Your lips quirked, but any quip was half-formed, and each one died on your tongue. Gradually, your breathing settled and the roaring silence did, too. Outside, the clouds had passed, and raindrops clinging to the window panes were slowly drying up in the sun that’d deemed it safe enough to peek again. It was still early -- after the nerves, the jitters, the trip to the shop, dancing around each other, and flooring it back to his place, and the sex, there was still most of a day ahead of you.

With a final squeeze, Harry kissed the top of your breast before rolling away, bed creaking beneath him. Shaking his head, he stood, and picked his trousers off the floor before patting them down and taking out his phone.

“S’get summat t’eat,” he mumbled, voice thick, as he passed it over to you. “Lemme buy.” He gestured to himself vaguely. “Gonna go… and maybe pick up that record you didn’t know I had.”

He stumbled, waving you off when you giggled. Just the same as before -- lunch in the afternoon with albums spinning until you couldn’t stand to get up to change them again -- but with a few crucial differences that made it so much better.

[lunaverseimagine]

Worth Living For

Part 2 of Worth Dying For

Request: “Congrats on 500! I'm new to tumblr and love your blog! can you do Herbology with post war George and telling him you want to name your baby Fred” - @green-intervention So this was a headcanon request for my 500 sleepover but it fit Worth Dying For so perfectly that I made it into a part 2 instead

Pairings: George x Reader

Warnings: Grief, pregnancy, mentions of death

Word count: 1.5k

Fic:

Streaks of moonlight shone through the tall window, casting a gentle glow on George’s face. The white light highlighted the gauntness of his cheeks and the glazed look in his eye, a sight that made your stomach clench. 

“Georgie.”

His eyes flicked down to where you were lying on the sofa with your head in his lap. His fingers were running idly through your hair - sensations grounded him, in particular the feeling of your presence. Three months had passed but you were still his lifeline, and you didn’t think that would change soon.

“I think-” You swallowed, maintaining eye contact. “I think it’s time we visit your parents.” 

George’s hand stilled and he clenched his jaw. You knew this was a sensitive subject, but equally you knew going to the burrow would be good for him. The burden of grief is easier to bear when the people around you are feeling the same way; when you can share in your mourning. You had loved Fred like a brother but you hadn’t been there from the beginning, not like George’s siblings had. He needed his family, needed to be with people who had known Fred as he did, who felt the loss as he did. He couldn’t keep hiding in your apartment, a truth he knew as well as you did. George sighed.

“I know.” He glanced at your belly, at the little bump just starting to show. Your hand cupped it instinctively. “They need to know.”

You sat up so you were facing George, holding his hands in your own, running your thumbs soothingly over his coarse skin.

“We’ll tell them together.” Leaning forward, you captured George’s lips in a gentle kiss. You focused on being present: the way George tasted of cinnamon. How his hands felt slightly cold in yours. How your knee was pressing against his. You tried not to focus on the sacrifice that had been made so you could be here. The sacrifice Fred had made to save not just one life, but two. How up until now, the pregnancy was tying you and George to Fred’s memory. It was special, something that hadn’t been told to anyone else. You worried that by telling your families, the tie to Fred would weaken, and his memory would slip further through your fingers.

--

You held George’s hand while apparating, watching anxiously as the lopsided stories of the burrow came into view. When your feet were firmly on the ground you waited for George to move towards the door, but he stayed rooted to the spot. After a moment of taking in the familiar home, a tear slid down his cheek, and you couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed too. These walls held so many memories of Fred that it was impossible to stand in front of them without the loss hitting you like a bludger. A reminder of all the memories that wouldn’t be made in the future. How Fred would never meet his nephew.

You embraced George, as though you could squeeze strength into him. He rested his chin on top of your head.

“I’m ok love.”

You shook your head slightly at the lie. “You’re not, but you will be.”

You each took a deep breath and walked into the burrow, hand in hand.

Molly was in the kitchen, and at the sight of you she burst into tears, her words incoherent through her sobs. But the bone crushing hug she encased the two of you in said more than words ever could.

“Blimey Molly, what’s wrong-” Arthur stopped short on the last step of the haphazard staircase, eyes widening at the scene in front of him. His face had turned white, and equally pale faces emerged one by one behind him. First Ginny, followed by Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Percy. The Weasleys seeing George must have been an even more emotional experience than that of you seeing the burrow. It was impossible not to feel the missing piece of the family when faced with his twin, like looking at a guitar with no strings. Nobody quite knew how to maneuver the situation, the only sound being Molly sniffing as she wiped her nose with a handkerchief. 

Finally the rest of the Weasleys, as well as Harry and Hermione, seemed to come to their senses, closing the distance between you to share hugs and whispered condolences. George was interacting but as though he’d removed himself from the situation, like he was there physically but emotionally he was far away, trying to cope with his feelings. The grief came in waves, this wave feeling like the tallest one yet, and it was all George could do to keep his head above water. 

During the day the tone of conversation was kept light, and George became more present, engaging in conversations about what had been happening the last few months. Molly cooked a delicious meal that not only fed you and the baby, but could’ve fed an entire nursery, and as your stomach filled a bit of the emptiness did too. Fred was gone and nothing would make that ok, but there was still a great family who would remember him, and as long as they were alive a bit of Fred would be too. 

It was after dinner that you and George decided, through silent glances, to break the news to the family. The chatter had lulled and each individual seemed lost in their own thoughts, although undoubtedly they all revolved around the same person. George cleared his throat.

“Y/n and I have some news.” George looked at you, asking for permission to continue. While neither of you had said it out loud, you knew that this pregnancy was a connection to Fred for him too. That telling other people felt like giving away bits of that connection, which was difficult to bear. But at the same time, maybe there was a way you could honour Fred through the pregnancy, and that’s when the thought came to you. You nodded for George to continue, suddenly buzzing with the feeling of sharing your idea. It was perfect. “Y/n’s pregnant.”

The cries of joy were immediate and heartfelt. George’s hand clasped yours under the table as you were congratulated, hugged, and even kissed by Molly. The atmosphere in the room felt so much lighter, as though this was the good news the Weasleys had been waiting for for three months.

Late into the night, when the celebrations had finally calmed down, you bid your goodbyes before apparting back to your apartment. It seemed less daunting now, knowing that at any time the burrow was just an apparition away. You and George got ready for bed in silence, George reflecting on the day and working through the complex feelings being back at the burrow had brought, you working out how to bring up the idea that had consumed your thoughts for hours. You climbed into bed, laying your head on George’s chest, his arm wrapped securely around your shoulders.

“Thank you.” His whisper was quiet and soft.

“What for?”

“For telling me to see them.” He pressed a kiss to the crown of your head. “Thank you.”

“I’m glad it helped.” 

For a while you let the silence wrap around you like a cocoon, your safety net. Approaching the topic you desperately wanted to talk about made your hands clammy and your heart race, not knowing how it would make George feel. All you wanted was for him to be happy - what if this was a terrible idea? What if it’d do the opposite of making George happy? That would break your heart. Before you could persuade yourself out of it you piped up.

“Georgie?”

“Mmhm?” You lifted your head off his chest so you could watch him.

“I was thinking… maybe we could- if you wanted to, of course- we could name the baby Fred?” You felt your heart thumping in your chest as you waited for his reply.

Not for the first time that day George’s eyes filled with tears, and he shook his head fondly, wondering why he hadn’t thought of it himself. “It’s perfect.” Arms wrapped around you, he kissed you passionately. Your hands cupped his face, feeling his stubble beneath your fingers. He was in awe of you. Of how you knew exactly what he needed. Knew how to honour Fred in the best way possible, with the baby that Fred had died to save. His legacy.

Eventually George broke the kiss. “What if it’s a girl?” You laughed, and so did he, the beautiful sounds mixing with tears you were getting used to shedding. You savoured the light in George’s eye, how he seemed more alive now than he had in months.

“It’s not.” George grinned at your response.

“How do you know?” You grinned back, and silently thanked Fred for the gift he’d given you. This baby was the light and hope that you and George needed so desperately. You could feel, from somewhere inside you much deeper than reason, that you were right. The baby would be a boy, with an uncanny likeness to his Dad and Uncle. The thought excited you, making the future seem bright despite the current darkness. You rested both hands on the bump.

“Mother’s instinct.”

End

Thank you for reading! I hope this was a bit less angsty than the first part - if you liked it please feel free to reblog/give feedback <33

If you’re interested here’s my other stuff

[trashyswitch]

Oh For Fox Sake!

Michael didn't expect to be given a completely separate job besides the technician job he signed up for in Circus Baby's Pizza World. Now he's sitting in an office with animatronics hunting them down. One of the animatronics happens to be another foxy abbreviation. But this one...gives him many mixed emotions...

This fanfic was suggested by an anonymous person on Tumblr. Whoever you are: I hope you enjoy!

Also, I had no clue what gender to make Lolbit. So, I just gave Lolbit the pronouns they/them/it and followed it throughout. Please let me know if I mistyped anywhere! I'll try to fix it right away.

Michael was sitting in the small private office that had been hidden in the side of one of the PizzaPlex’s auditoriums. He had been working at the Pizzeria as a technician, and was just now given a few security guard shifts. This office was surprisingly a little bigger than the vents. It was also much more darker, and had PizzaPlex merchandise hidden on the table. It even had a black fan roaring away on the desk. Learning from general online rumors, every office that was built within every building made by Fazbear Entertainment, would have Fazbear merchandise and a fan. Some person named [Fitz-coward] on a public chat room called it the ‘Fazfan’. A few other people had given their own opinion on the ‘fazfan’ and even made jokes about it. It was kinda funny at first. But now that it had relevance on a personal level, it actually made sense.

It’s amazing what a few bouts of curiosity will lead you to find…And those poor guys...They’ve probably dealt with so much fear after that job.

Michael checked the tablet and checked the cameras that were available to him. He had to keep an eye on a couple specific animatronics such as Ennard, Funtime Freddy with tiny Bonbon, and Lolbit. Michael hadn’t even heard of Lolbit until this point. Who in the heck was Lolbit?! Only when he saw the orange animatronic staring at him through the hall camera, did he get his answer. It looked to be a twin version of Funtime Foxy. But was it Foxy’s brother? Or sister? What gender even was it? Now that he thought about it: What gender is Foxy?!

Michael heard sounds coming from the left hallway, and noticed that Lolbit was back with its jaw open and ready to crush. Michael bit his lip and closed the door on it. Out of this room! Begone! Scat! Leeeeaaave! He was not in the mood for Lolling around.

Hehehe...Lolling…

Michael looked at the hallways and groaned. Ennard’s broken body was on his way too. Wonderful… Michael kept his hand on the open door and made sure to leave some time to close it on the evil monstrosity. Michael looked over at the other hallway, and noticed that Lolbit was gone. So closed went the right door, and open went the left. Ennard was now locked out, and Lolbit was long gone.

Michael smiled and checked the right door to make sure Ennard was unable to get in. When he was sure, Michael relaxed slightly.

One thing Michael noticed was just how quickly the day seemed to be going. It was already 3:30 and the animatronics were being at least a little more behaved. It’s weird and usually worrisome whenever he does anything involving the animatronics. Whether it’s a loving animatronic like Funtime Freddy and BonBon, or a vengeful animatronic like Ennard, Michael didn’t wanna have anything to do with either. He’s seen enough of the animatronics behaviour to say “I’m out”.

And yet...here he was: back at it again with more shifts.

Hearing sounds, Michael closed the left door again. But suddenly, an ear-deafening bang overwhelmed Michael’s ears.

A few seconds later, another loud bang went off.

...And another.

One last bang filled his pain-filled ears as the huge metal door he closed earlier, started to fall in front of him. Michael shrieked and covered his ears, watching in horror as the huge door came crashing down just inches in front of him. Michael was visibly shaking from the super loud noises. His ears were ringing as well. It was like a gun just went off beside his ear multiple times!

Just as the metal sound slowly stopped echoing throughout the room, some loud and boyish laughter filled the office. “HOHAHAHAHAha! Now I bet you weren’t ex-xpecting ME, now WERE you? OhOHOHOhahaha!” a manic voice asked.

Michael widened his eyes in horror as he scooted to the corner of the room. “No...NO!”

“Oh YES! HAHAHAHAhah! You-u RECOGNIZE ME! DONTCHA?” They asked.

Michael grabbed his flashlight and started flashing it nonstop into the animatronic’s eyes. “Get out of here! This is MY private spot!”

Lolbit walked closer and hit the flashlight right out of his hands. “Su-Such a BAAABY…” Lolbit muttered out loud. “Hmmm...Maybe try ha-A-A-arder next time! HAHAhaHAHAHaha!” It suggested.

“I DID try harder! YOU’RE the one who broke the door down!” Michael argued.

The animatronic looked down and chuckled awkwardly. “O-Oh yeah! I forgot about tha-A-at!” It reacted.

Michael sighed. “Just please Lolbit...Go.”

The animatronic smiled and walked closer and closer to Michael just to spite him. “Since WHE-E-EN could you tell ME what to do? You’ve got qui-I-I-ite the NERVE!” Lolbit reacted.

“Yeah, I do! And I learned it on my own, thank you very much.” Michael added.

“My My! Such a ta-A-A-alker! I wonder: Does that mo-0-O-outh of yours have a benefit?” Lolbit asked.

“Sometimes. I could use it to lead you away so that I don’t end up dying tonight.” Michael reworded.

“HAhahahAHAHAha! Be ca-A-areful what you wi-I-I-ish for~!” Lolbit teased.

Michael raised an eyebrow.

Lolbit knelt down and picked up Michael by the armpits. Michael shrieked in horror and quickly started wiggling and fighting it. “HEY! GET OFF ME! LET ME GO RIGHT NOW!” Michael shouted.

“Haaaaa...And what will you do-O-O if I DON’T?” Lolbit asked with a sly voice.

“I’ll-I’ll tickle you!” Michael shot back without even properly thinking.

Lolbit widened its eyes and stared at Michael.

“Y-Yeah! I’ll do it! I’m not afraid to tickle you!” Michael added, adding wiggling fingers as he went along with it. “Unless you’re not ticklish…”

Lolbit stared off into the space within Michael’s eyes, and only blinked once out of awkwardness...Then, the fox full on dropped Michael where he was. Michael grunted as he landed on his butt onto the slightly dusty ground.

“Ow…” Michael muttered. “Wait, really?” Michael reacted suddenly. Lolbit turned right around and started to speed walk their way outta there. But Michael quickly pulled himself together and grabbed Lolbit’s foot. “Gotcha!”

“aAAA-A-A-AAAH! HEY! I LET YOU GO!” Lolbit yelled at him.

“Yeah, and that made me curious!” Michael replied. “I might’ve been originally joking when I said that. But the moment you dropped me and tried to run, I HAD to find out if animatronics were ticklish.” Michael told it. “Or, if they can simulate being ticklish.” Michael added. “Same difference in my opinion.”

Lolbit leaned against the wall and shook their leg. “Get off me-E-E!” it yelled.

“No way!” Michael replied. He took advantage of the exposed foot and skittered his fingers on it. “Tickle tickle~”

Lolbit shrieked with voice glitches in between, and threw Michael right off the leg with a strong kick. Michael went flying, and ended up hitting his back against the wall on the other side of the office. Michael groaned and laid on his back for a moment, trying to make sure he didn’t break his back or injure it further. When Michael could feel his legs and see his feet reacting to his movements, Michael sat back up and stood. “Ow...All that because you’re sensitive?” Michael asked.

Lolbit pointed at him. “Stop that!” It ordered. “O-Or I’ll get you back!” Lolbit warned.

Michael looked at himself and smirked. “Sounds like a sacrifice worth taking in my opinion!” Michael sprinted up to Lolbit and dove for them. Lolbit shrieked like a freaking witch, and tried to run away. But Michael had an unfair headstart and had managed to grab hold of its orange and white tail! “LE-e-ET GO-”

Michael managed to shut up the fox with a single squeeze to the side. It helped that Lolbit came with curvy, dented plates on both lower sides! Cause otherwise, he probably wouldn’t have been able to squeeze there.

“HEheheEHEHEY! HAHANDS OHOHohohOFF!” Lolbit yelled.

“Why would I do that when I have a ticklish fox in my arms?” Michael asked back. “This is fun!”

Lolbit shook their head. “IHIHIS NAHAhahaAHAHAT!”

Michael chuckled. “A little reminder that you kicked me across the room just a couple minutes ago. You are much stronger than me. So if you really hated it So MuCh…” Michael moved his fingers up to the middle ribs- “You could easily stop me.” Michael concluded.

“IHIHIT’S A-A-AGAINST MY COHOHODE TOHO HUHURT YOHOHOHOU!” Lolbit yelled.

“Is it now?” Michael asked. “It’s against my code to damage you even minorly! We both have the same laws.” Michael admitted. “And yet: you’ve kicked me already. So you would’ve already ‘hurt’ me. But notice this: no one gave you a controlled shock for throwing me. Therefore:” Michael moved to Lolbit’s orange belly. “Yooouuu kinda like it~”

Lolbit squealed and doubled over. Sensing they were gonna fall, Lolbit pushed Michael out of the way and allowed itself to flop onto its side. “Nohoho...Nohoho moho-O-ohore.” Lolbit begged.

Michael fell a bit backwards, but didn’t hit the ground very hard this time. He got up and looked at Lolbit with interest. “You...saved me.” Michael reacted.

“You’re a hu-U-U-uman! Of COURSE I saved you!” Lolbit opened its jaw. “Ihihi-I-I would be in big trouble if I-i-I damaged you under my care.” Lolbit admitted.

Michael smiled at that. “Thanks for saving me from being crushed.” Michael told it.

Lolbit giggled. “Are you ca-A-alling me fat?” Lolbit asked jokingly.

Michael widened his eyes and covered his mouth. “NO! NO WAY! I would never call you fat! ESPECIALLY intentionally!” Michael reacted loudly.

Lolbit bursted out laughing. “HAHAHAhahahahAHAHA! Yohohou’re so GULLiBLE! It’s HI-i-ILARIOUS!” Lolbit reacted, leaning over and laughing towards the ground.

Michael smirked. “You wanna laugh, huh? Alright! Let’s laugh.” Michael crawled back up to the fox and grabbed the ankle. Lolbit’s giggles quickly paused and were replaced with shrieked of artificial fear! “Wa-A-ait!” Lolbit yelled.

Michael started tickling the underside of the feminine-looking foot almost right away. Lolbit started kicking their other foot and covered its snout as it laughed with glitches in between. “HEHEHEHE-e-EHEY! NAHAHAT THEHEheheheHEHEHERE!” Lolbit protested.

“Why not? Ticklish foot, much?” Michael teased.

“Whahahahat dohoho YOHOhoHOU THIHI-i-IHINK?!” Lolbit shot back.

Michael gasped and paused for a moment. “You’ve got quite the NERVE!” Michael reacted, referencing Lolbit’s words from earlier. Michael even made his voice slightly scratchy and higher to make it sound similar to Lolbit’s for the next words: “Such a BAAABY…”

Lolbit bursted out laughing more. “AAHAHAHAHahahaHAHA! THAHAT WA-a-AHAS TEHEHERRIBLE!” Lolbit reacted.

“Oh! Was it now?” Michael reacted. He moved up to Lolbit’s cute, flat and decorated toes. “It couldn’t have been THAT bad, could it?” Michael teased.

Lolbit threw their head back and started letting out fits of glitchy cackles. “NOHOHOHO-o-o-OHOHOhohoho! TOHOHO-o-O MUHU-H-H-huhuHUHuch!” Lolbit yelled to him.

Michael just laughed with them. “Wohohow! Your laugh is going all over the place! It doesn’t know what it’s doing!” Michael teased, pausing his tickling to show them. “It’s up here! Then it’s down here! It goes from SO LOUD, TO super soft...soooo soft...And THEN IT JUMPS UP AGAIN!” Michael teased much more dramatically.

Lolbit shook their head back and forth and kept kicking their other foot. “IHIHI CAHahahahaAHAHAn’T HEHE-e-E-e-EHEHELP IHIhihIHIHIT!” Lolbit yelled back.

“Well duh! Of course you can’t help it! It’s like my snorting! I can’t help it either! But it’s still funny!” Michael added.

Lolbit gently pushed Michael away with its foot on his chest. “Ohohokahay, thahat’s ehe-E-ehehenough.” Lolbit ordered.

“Ey ey, captain.” Michael replied with a salute.

“Hehehey now: I ain’t the captain around here.” Lolbit sat up and looked at Michael. “Foxy is the legenda-A-ary captain aro-O-O-ound these parts!” Lolbit mentioned.

“Really now?” Michael reacted.

“Yeah! AhehEHEHEhehehe! Indeed he is! He’s a version of the original! A family of Foxy’s! I’m more of a-A-a second-in-command!” Lolbit admitted.

“You’re still important though. I think you’re still important.” Michael mentioned.

Lolbit’s ears perked up. “Hey! Thanks ki-I-id! You’re quite swell yerself!” Lolbit replied.

Michael smiled. “Thank you.”

The two of them sat in silence for a bit. It was a good silence, though a little uncomfortable. They just didn’t really know what to say. Lolbit’s break-in was a success, and Michael’s questions were already answered.

Though there was one last question…

“Hey Lolbit?” Michael asked. Lolbit looked up at Michael and lifted their ears up a little. “How come I haven’t seen you until now?” Michael asked.

Lolbit’s ears and snout both fell at that question. Lolbit tapped their orange fingernail on the ground as they came up with an answer. “Well...Foxy wa-A-as adored more by kids. Kids L-L-loved a purple and pink fox better than an orange fox.” Lolbit replied.

Michael’s curious face morphed into a hurt expression.

“And I didn’t mat-AT-atch the other guys.” Lolbit added.

Michael frowned at that. “Well, Circus Baby doesn’t match the general aesthetic either.” Michael added.

Lolbit looked at Michael out of the corner of its black, void eyes. “Circus Baby is-s dangerous. She-E broke the rule. She no-NO-no longer entertains.” Lolbit admitted.

Michael hummed curiously. He began to wonder what exactly Circus Baby did to get so badly in trouble. But, knowing his father and his motives…

Maybe it’s a good thing he doesn’t know the specifics.

Lolbit looked back up at Michael. “I ha-A-ave a question.” They told him. Michael looked up and gave Lolbit his full attention. “Is it tru-TrUE that you snort when you laugh?” Lolbit asked.

Michael’s eyes widened as he processed the question. Oh no…

Michael quickly tried to scoot back and run away. But Lolbit was one step ahead of him. Lolbit had grabbed Michael’s ankle and had pulled him closer. “Hey now! HAHAheheheHaHA!” Lolbit put their hands around his waist. “You’re not go-GOing ANYWHERE! HEheheHEHEHEE!” Lolbit declared, laughing themself silly as they used their dark eyes to scan for tickle spots. “You had your at-AT-attack! Now it’s MY TU-TURN! AHUHUHuhuhUHUHUUU!” Lolbit declared proudly. Lolbit immediately started out with quick scratches on the belly. “Tickle tickle s-security guard~” Lolbit teased.

Michael squealed and covered his mouth in an attempt to prevent any laughs or snorts from coming out. Lolbit noticed this and immediately pinned one of Michael’s arms above his head. “AhahahaHAHAHAAA! No che-CHE-cheating on my watch!” Lolbit declared. “And just for that:” Lolbit started tickling in Michael’s now vulnerable armpit.

Michael threw his head back and LAUGHED! “BAHAAAHAHAHAhahaha! NAHAT THEHEHERE! NAHAHAT THEHEHEHERE!” Michael yelled.

“Oooooh! Why not? HEHEHEhehehe! Ti-TI-ticklish armpit, much?” Lolbit teased, saying the same thing Michael used on him. “I guess you could sa-say THIS ticklish spot is u-UNDER investigation~” Lolbit said as the fox poked its finger further into Michael’s armpit.

Michael whined. “Thahahat Whahahas TEHEHEHERRIBLE!” Michael complained.

“Wo-Would you say it was punny?” lolbit asked. Or maybe…” Lolbit poked Michael’s shoulder- “Huuuumerus~?”

Michael shook his head and pushed against his snout. “STAHAHAHAP!”

“Wow! I didn’t know my jo-jokes were so…” Lolbit moved their fingers to Michael’s ribs and started digging and skittering. “Riiib-tickling~! AHAHAhahahahaHUUUU!”

Michael threw his head back and cackled loudly with snorts mixed in.

“Oh WOOOW! You really DO SNORT! You-ou must be the life of the PARTY! Or maybe even the life of the PORKY~?” Lolbit teased.

“SHUHUHUT UHUHUHUP!” Michael shouted at him.

“HAHAhahaHAHA! Why would I do that when I could ke-keep making animal jokes?” Lolbit asked rhetorically as they moved their metal nails up and down the ribs. “Be-Besides: Fazbear Entertainment should have made me-ME a parrot! Cause I am a HOOT! I KEET you not!” Lolbit teased.

Michael growled and shook his head. “IHIHIHI HAHAHAHATE THEHEHEM!” Michael shouted. “THEHEHEY’RE SOHOHOHO BAHAHAHAD!”

“Hate them?! But look!” Lolbit poked his mouth. “You‘re smil-iling! And you’re laughing at them! And tha-that with your piggy snorts mixed in, is a real tweet~! Ahahaha!” Lolbit joked.

Lolbit narrowed its eyes and brought its snout closer to Michael. “Ohoho...Excuse me- does it look like I ha-HA-have a black beard to you?!” Lolbit reacted all sassy. Michael giggled more at the fox’s reaction. “Ooooh...You’re trying to toy with the robot! I seeee says the blind man!” Lolbit reacted. Lolbit started tickling Michael’s sides this time. “And I feeeel your fingers, says the nerveless Nellie~” Lolbit added.

Michael yelped and groaned through his new fit of laughter. “HEHehehehey! *snort* THAHAhahahat’s nohohohot- *snort* hohohow ihihihit gohohohoes!” Michael protested.

“Ohoho alright. Ihi-I suppose that pun was a bit of a stretch.” Lolbit decided before finally letting Michael go.

Michael went limp and started panting right away. There were still phantom tickles plaguing him, causing him to giggle and squirm through his shallow breathing.

“I suppose I should be band from funny boneville?” Lolbit finished off.

“Ihihi will shohohock you.” Michael warned with an uncontrollable giggle.

“Ohohoho! How enlightening! Perhaps even frightening!” Lolbit teased.

Lolbit finally stopped with the puns the moment Michael squeezed their sides. There were just too many puns all at once. Perhaps they would be all over now…

No fox were given during the making of this Fazfan-fic. Are these puns bad enough for you, anon? XD

[bbystark]

Anxious Baker

Gordon Ramsay x reader 

Request: “Hi ! Gordon Ramsay x reader please ? This is a weird ask but like reader having an anxiety attack or something and them passing out in his arms idk idk you can ignore this if u want - 🤍”

Warnings: Talk of mental health, anxiety, panic attacks 

A/N: This is so terribly late and I apologize. I’ve finally figured out how to balance work and college so now I’m back on track for having free time to write. Also, I love the fact that someone requested Gordon Ramsey. I literally will dump anything on my blog, hopefully this is proof. (is this the first Gordon Ramsay fic on tumblr?) 

Word Count: 1695

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You hum quietly, stirring the strawberries that were slowly reducing in a pot. You dipped your finger in, bringing it to your lips. You exclaim to yourself in delight, surprised that you were pulling off the recipe you had chosen. You turned the pot off, spinning around to pour the syrupy strawberries over the now-chilled pound cake. 

You set the pot down, leaning on the counter to take a small break. You smiled to yourself and took a deep breath. Everything was going good. 

Nothing is wrong, you remind yourself as thoughts in the back of your head nag at you. 

You had struggled with anxiety for a while, and had become accustomed to random racing thoughts and heart acceleration. You were proud that you were working through it, even if you had a bad day once and a while. 

As far as you could tell, today was a decent day. Baking was a safe escape for you, and you weren’t too bad at it. At some points it could be stressful, but being able to get rid of worries and focus on what was in front of you was therapy, in your mind. 

You’re pulled from your thoughts by the doorbell ringing, causing a smile to spread across your face. You wipe your hands on a dish towel nearby and jog to your front door. When you make it there, you throw it open. 

Gordon. 

“Hello, Darling.” He steps in the door, hanging his jacket up on the rack and toeing his shoes off to the side. He sets the other things he was holding down and reaches towards you. 

You step into his arms, your head briefly resting on his chest. 

“Gordon! It’s been so long.” 

He releases you, gently grasping your shoulders to hold you at arm's length. 

“You look good,” he pauses, “And what’s that delightful smell? You’ve been baking again haven’t you?” He smiles down at you. 

You smile bashfully. “I have. It’s strawberry shortcake this time. Nothing earth shattering.” 

“Well I’m no pastry chef but if you made it I know it will be amazing love.” 

You blush a little, realizing he’s still holding onto you. You roll our eyes, trying not to seem flustered and reach for the bags he had previously set down. 

“What’d you bring me, old friend?” 

“Old you say?” He follows you into the kitchen. 

You set the bag down on the island, glancing up at Gordon as he nudges you aside and starts taking containers out of his bag. 

“Skillet Cod with lemon and capers. It’s from the Tahoe location I’ve recently opened.” He moves around you with confidence, finding the cupboard you keep your plates in and pulling two out. 

You grab forks, making your way to the table and setting two spots. Gordon joins you, placing plates down and plating the food from the “to go” boxes. It’s still warm, and somehow he manages to make it look like it just came out of the pass. 

“This looks great Gordon. How’s the restaurant faring?” 

He sits beside you, passing you a napkin. The whole thing seems too domestic and you almost hate how much you love the idea of life being like this every day. 

“Just fine darling, my head chef is fully capable but it doesn’t stop me from making frequent trips up here,” He looks up from his food and gives you a sly smile, “Tahoe is truly a world treasure.” 

You laugh. You have lived in California your entire life and oftentimes forget how lucky you are to have Lake Tahoe at your fingertips. 

“I certainly don’t mind all the company I’ve been getting. Speaking of, when are you going to take me to your crowning achievement, hm?” 

He laughs.

“Very soon, I promise.” 

-

Conversation continues easily between you two, simply catching up. Occasionally one of you would look a little too long at the other, but fleeting glances would scare your gazes away. At some point, wine was brought to the table and you had a few drinks in (you swear it was only a few) and your head was swimming in a very pleasant way. 

That was, until a smoke detector went off. Your heart rate accelerated almost immediately, eyes widening. Did you leave the stove on? Was it something else? Oh god, was your house about to burn down? 

A million thoughts race through your mind and suddenly your throat seems very dry and tight. 

You bolt up from your seat, rounding the corner. The stove was fine, and there were no flames anywhere else. The cake was still safe on the counter. Suddenly you realized there was smoke in the air and it was coming from the oven. 

You had left it on after you took the cake out. You opened it after clicking the cancel button, a mass of smoke billowing out.

“Y/n? Isn't everything alright?” 

You almost don’t hear him, too busy looking for what exactly was burning so badly. When the smoke clears a little bit, you see the now black batter at the bottom of the oven, realizing how stupid you currently felt. You had spilled some earlier when putting the cake in the oven, and had tried to remember to clean it up once the oven had cooled. 

You now didn’t feel fear, just overwhelming embarrassment. Gordon had just witnessed you totally freak out over virtually nothing. Your throat felt tight and your eyes began to sting. You quickly shut the oven, bracing yourself against it. It was only getting harder to breathe, and it wasn’t helping that you were trying to stifle your emotions.

“Y/n darling-” 

You’re braced against the oven, chest heaving. You can’t really lie to yourself any longer and say you aren’t panicking, because you are and suddenly every coping mechanism your therapist taught you is thrown out the window and god you don’t want anyone- much less Gordon- to see you like this. 

Your anxieties are only piling on and you suddenly have tunnel vision, slumping even more onto the oven. You faintly feel Gordon’s hands underneath your arms, probably holding you up at this point. Your vision is swimming and you feel sick. 

For a moment or so there’s nothing, and slowly you begin to feel better as your vision returns. You only feel so, so tired as you realize you had just passed out. 

“There you go love, take it easy.” 

You blink a few times, looking at your surroundings. You're on your kitchen floor, in Gordon’s lap. He’s stroking your hair, his brows furrowed. 

“You look like you do when you get pissed on Hell’s Kitchen.” You let your head fall back onto his lap. 

“Jesus fucking christ you scared me. What was that?” 

“Just a panic attack, I think.” 

“I thought they were getting better, that you were making progress?” 

He looked genuinley worried and you realized how dumb your brain was for being overly anxious about having a panic attack in front of him. Which was ironic, seeing how more panic only made a bigger panic attack. 

“I was. Sometimes they’re still bad, never like that though.” 

“Are you sure you’re okay, should we go to the hospital?” 

You try to sit up, only for Gordon to put a hand on your shoulder. You half smile allowing yourself to lay your head back down. 

“Really Gordon, I feel better. It’s nothing but my brain overreacting a bit. I promise.”

He’s stroking your head again, and you can see he doesn’t believe you. You don’t blame him, he hadn’t experienced mental health issues in the same personal way you experienced them. This was something you had to deal with everyday, and he didn’t. You understood how concerning this probably seemed to him. 

“I think I should stay tonight, just to make sure you’re okay.” 

He helps you up, slowly, and being ever so careful with you. He leads you to your room, barely allowing you to change into pajamas. It was endearing how worried he was for you, but there was still a slight concern that you were being a burden. 

“Are you alright?” He peaks around the door when you give him the okay, and you see that he’s shed his jacket and is now in sweatpants. 

“Yes,” you sit on your bed, trying to hold in a yawn. “Are you sure you can stay tonight?”

“I would have been heading back to my hotel anyway. I don’t leave until Saturday.” He sits next to you on the bed, looking as if he’s gonna fret over you again. 

“You can sleep in here, if you would like. My couch isn’t the most comfortable…” 

“You didn’t think I was leaving you alone after that, did you?” He rolls over you, jokingly grabbing a pillow and bumping you with it. “This is my bed now too until I know you’re absolutely okay.” 

You flush, and roll your eyes once again.  “If you insist.” 

Your heart is racing again and you almost laugh. This is a different kind of anxiety, the kind that makes your heart swell with love and the butterflies in your stomach to flutter around gently. It was exciting.

You turn and turn off your bedside light, crawling under the covers. You feel Gordon do the same, situating himself. You’re about to whisper goodnight when he pulls you into him, your head resting on his chest. He gives you a kiss on the forehead, squeezing your shoulder in a comforting way. 

“Goodnight my love.” 

“Goodnight Gordon.”

You suddenly feel content. No anxiety in the back of your mind, only bliss and safeness. There’s an unspoken promise that Gordon wishes he could voice, the solid promise of love that neither of you were quite ready to explore yet. But all of that didn’t matter at the moment. The only thing that he could feel was your steady heartbeat and rise and fall of your chest. 

He unspokenly loved you, and that was enough for now. 

“You know, we never got cake.” 

“Cuddling you is dessert enough for me,”  a pause, “Actually I will be stealing a slice tomorrow.

- 

Thank you for reading! 

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