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You are the Narrator, and you have one job.
NARRATOR: "You're on a..."
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Abruptly, you pause. Something's off.
NARRATOR: "Wait. What?"
Were the woods always supposed to look this 'simple'? But you remember your purpose. And in an effort to have some control over the situation, you resume your job.
NARRATOR: "You're on a path in the woods. And at the end of the path is a cabin. And in the basement of that cabin is a Princess. You're here to slay her."
No response.
NARRATOR: "If you don't, it will be the end of the world."
Still no response. What is going on, what even is going on?!
NARRATOR: "Ahem. Excuse me? Where are you?"
But only silence greets you. Not even the Long-Quiet sort of quiet, just normal quiet. You carry on, baffled.
NARRATOR: "Words escape from my mouth, before I realise...wait a minute. This isn't right. I wasn't even supposed to have a mouth."
You look down.
NARRATOR: "I certainly wasn't supposed to have my own body! I look frantically around myself- oh, no."
You hesitate for far too long as you process this horrid realisation.
NARRATOR: "I hesitate for far too long as I process this horrid realisation! I'm not supposed to be the one on the path to the woods! Where is he? What...?"
And then you lose your temper.
NARRATOR: "No, no, no-no-no-no! Something is definitely off about this, and it's not even off in the ways it was supposed to be off! Fine, no, it was never supposed to be off in the first place, but this isn't even a way it should've been able to be off. This is wrong! This is all wrong."
You take a deep breath, before moving on.
NARRATOR: "Alright. Alright! So I'm currently here. But surely at the end of the path...I look around frantically. I search for signs of normalcy amidst the white silhouettes of trees."
And you do. But what you find aren't exactly signs of normalcy, at least not by your standards.
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NARRATOR: "What the- I catch a glimpse of the stark edges of tidy cottages, amidst the soft outlines of fields... Absolutely not! This cannot be right! I spare myself a moment to marvel in disbelief."
A moment passes.
NARRATOR: "An entire village. What in the blazes is an entire village doing here? And someone's there, not the Hero or the Princess, but winged and armoured. I rub my, my apparently real wing? And my apparently real hand against my temples in frustration. No. This cannot be real. I refuse to believe that any of this is real."
But it all stubbornly persists on being real. Looks like the world is against you today, Narrator.
NARRATOR: "Uuuurrrggghhh. Get me a drink. I'm on a path in the woods? And at the end of the path...is a village?!"
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just-some-chess-puzzles · 4 months ago
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level 2: escort mission
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what move would you like to make?
moves can be submitted through replies, reblogs or asks as there could be too many options for polls in some levels. moves are formatted using algebraic notation.
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just-a-game-of-sokoban · 3 months ago
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shitposts? on the daily poll gimmick blog?
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t-umblr-plays-loathing · 2 months ago
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You hitch on a ride on a turnip cart, headed towards Frisco! Unfortunately, you fell off in some random town called Boring Springs. You pick up the turnip that fell off with you, and head into the town to try to continue on your way to Frisco, other than dying of thirst trying to walk the whole way.
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[Polls are in the reblogs!]
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nutwit · 2 years ago
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part one. prev.
===================================
welcome to
□ □ Abscoña ■ ■
an open poll-based rpg
===================================
Character Creation
Day 3/5
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You are:
a De-Published Poet, a romantic soul whose mediocre contributions to the poetic zeitgeist have been scrubbed from history itself by some great and terrible force.
in a Shit Ton of Debt to the Fate Nuns and Time-Shrimp Cultists who, in your pursuit of answers to the nature of your de-publishing, you inadvertently stole a bunch of shit from.
on the iron planet Abscoña, an ever-shifting and migrating celestial clockwork vault known best as a nexus for treasure hunters looking to delve as deeply as possible into the horde-mantle and return obscenely rich.
Yesterday's Poll fleshed out your starting resources. You have:
[Twin-Success, 33%] a roommate; this comes with a place to sleep that you only partially have to pay for. They spend every night out on the town and sleep with sunglasses on, and you've occasionally caught them sneaking peaks at the loosely-bound reams of poetry you leave in calculated positions around the flat.
[Twin-Success, 33%] a bunch of stolen (up for debate, you insist) relics, formerly in the care of Our Lady (or Lord?) Ironic, God (Goddess?) of Luck and Chance. Deemed heretical by the church, this collection of items grants you a tentative grasp over the whims of fortune by telling you things like when it's going to rain soon (Farmer's Almanac) or guarding against fates of harm (Elbow and Knee Pads).
[Twin-Failure, 17%] a low opinion of your own writing, internally. Obviously you are a metaphtsically important poet in some way, but you can't shake the feeling that your erasure from history was somehow... a mistake? Surely someone better than you at poetry was more deserving of this.
[Twin-Failure, 17%] no idea how capitalism works. Obviously you will need to get some delving gear to start paying back your religious debt before you get erased from causality a second time or whatever, but how these numbers dance across catalogue pages to produce product values is utterly baffling to you.
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Alright yall. 3s in every stat, intellect and 1 decision made. Decision 2 time.
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evilgoodguys · 5 months ago
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caught them doing the SIN, cos, tan (bad trigonometry joke, I'm sorry, you have permission to euthanize me)
bonus:
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yeehawpim · 1 year ago
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a comic about different types of storytellers
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nickpeppermint · 1 year ago
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when-sanpape-arts · 9 months ago
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shuro's terrible, horrible, no good very bad lunch.
restaurant au: 1 / 2
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incognitopolls · 4 months ago
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We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.
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eggnogtoast · 5 months ago
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the gang goes to therapy.
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just-some-chess-puzzles · 5 months ago
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level 1: the beginning
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what move would you like to make?
moves can be submitted through replies, reblogs or asks as there could be too many options for polls in some levels. moves are formatted using algebraic notation.
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just-a-game-of-sokoban · 6 months ago
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Hi! Let's play Sokoban.
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you control the smiley face. the orange boxes can be moved, but not if there's two of them in a row. Reach the yellow and pink gem to win!
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t-umblr-plays-loathing · 2 months ago
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Asleep on the Your Family Farm farm, Tumblr McLoathing dreams of greatness. They dream of... choosing a character class!
Cow Punchers solve their problems with their fists, whether it's shaking them at a disagreeable feller in a disreputable saloon or using them to punch a slightly more disagreeable feller in a slightly less reputable saloon.
Magic and cooking are inextricably intertwined in Loathing and the Beanslinger is the mystical master of both.
Snake Oilers rely on their moxie and chutzpah to tame snakes, their fearlessness to extract potent oils from those snakes, and their cleverness to manufacture and sell potions made from those oils.
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nutwit · 2 years ago
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Abscoña Character Creation
De-Published Poet [Success, 32%]
You are a De-Published Poet. Somewhere swimming deep in your dizzying romantic memory is the certain truth that you were at one point widely regarded as a pretty good poet. This glimpse of another reality surfaces occasionally, leaving you grasping at threads. What great and terrible forces conspired to erase your middling poetic success from the minds of your dozens of adoring fans? Fate Nun, Time-Shrimp Cultist [Twin-Failure, 20%]
In your ongoing search for truth you have run somehow afoul of not one but two fate-based mystery cults to whom you now owe a combined #40.000. This is a large amount of hegemonic capital. Members you encounter will be unpleasant to deal with.
part one
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