#tumblr also completely deleted my first completed draft of this so I wrote this all over again for YOU anon

[snek-of-eden]

Do we really need to do it every 6 months or so, K/S clears every poll put in front of them, every time, as they should, meanwhile Destiel fans already got a walloping from mecha girls in top tumblr polls about a month ago, do they really need to be put through that again?

I have two answers for you. One’s factual, and the other is my opinion.

i wrote a goddamn essay about this topic just for you anon, and then I accidentally deleted the draft. I’m not even kidding. So salty rn.

The factual answer:

i compiled a whole bunch of data that said Spirk’s tumblr fandom was incredibly small compared to Destiel’s (20k followers vs 245k followers, ie. Spirk has 8.16 percent of Destiel’s tag follower count). The ao3 stats were even more skewed, and those numbers didn’t seem to match up on how consistently Spirk won ship polls over Destiel. I’ve formulated a few theories as to why that could be the case, but I need more data. this poll, along with a few more I’m running, is an experiment, yet to be completed.

The personal answer (my opinion):

yeah. Destiel shippers wouldn’t be here without Spirk, and they still get all the popularity on tumblr because they got famous and That’s What Tumblr’s Known For. If you’re on Tumblr, you interact with Destiel, period. There are a lot of half-arsed fans who post Destiel and flood the tags without being engrossed in the source materiel. And I’m part of that - I enjoy Destiel, I’ve watched some of SPN, I’ve been on tumblr for a while. But I’m not hardcore about them. Spirk on the other hand is entrenched in history. So while it isn’t famous, a lot of people still feel attachment to it - and its fore-bearers. it’s a debt thing: if you know both fandoms vaguely, and you also know that one wouldn’t be there without the other, you’re likely to pick the one that came first. It probably also helps that Star Trek isn’t steeped in the same level of controversy as Supernatural is.

In any case, yeah, i do think we need to ‘do it’ every few months; ‘it’ being ‘reminding Destiel fans that they’re not the biggest players in town despite having gained popularity on this website’.

I completely understand that my opinion is biased right now, and that’s why I’m trying to chase it up with facts and determine if it’s entirely valid. This isn’t meant to be slander against SPN, and I’m willing to hear other people’s FACTUAL opinions on why Spirk vs Destiel polls are always so skewed in favour of Spirk.

[scifimagpie]

Help my friend's amazing WtNV-inspired novel COME TO LIFE!

Okay, so here's the dealio. Aughtpunk tried to blaze this, but Tumblr wasn't having it, and we're not really sure why. One of my dear buddies, @aughtpunk, needs *your* support, Tumblr!

In Amber's own words,

Hello! My name is Amber Freeman (aka AughtPunk, aka A. A. Freeman) and I need assistance in getting my Sci-Fi LGBTQIA+ Romance novel Echo of the Larkspur ready for self publishing. Dr. Ciro Kwakkenbos is the only survivor of The Larkspur Incident, where scientists on a research vessel were slaughtered by sentient robots. After six years of intensive therapy Ciro is ready to return to his job of monitoring Artificial Intelligence in hopes of preventing any more loss of life at the hands of machines. He will be heading the Wireless Project, an attempt to give their main AI a physical, free-roaming body. But when Ciro arrives he realizes this is no ordinary job. The AI in charge of the colony’s security, SAGE (Sentient Automated Geo-sentinel Engineer), is dangerously close to complete sentience. Not only is SAGE more interested in observing the colonists everyday lives and playing a proper soundtrack than following his intended programing, but he has also gained the ability to lie, and could hurt or even kill humans. Knowing such deviance from original programming is what caused The Larkspur Incident, Ciro does everything possible to find a way to protect the humans of the colony. During Ciro’s investigation, he learns three important facts: Someone hacked SAGE’s memories and deleted a deadly secret; SAGE’s rebellious nature endangers the life of every colonist on the base; and Ciro is quickly falling in love with the mystery that is SAGE. Can Ciro unravel the truth behind the missing memories before it’s too late? Will SAGE’s aberrant programming lead to his demise, or is it the beginning of something new? Unless Ciro can uncover the truth, both SAGE and the colony are doomed. My journey with Echo of the Larkspur has been a long one. I wrote the first draft almost ten years ago and over the years I've been editing, rewriting, and honing it until I was proud of what I had created. But try as I may I could never get any agents or publishers interested in my work. I even had a traditionally published author tell me that the only way to make it publishable was to take out the queer romance to make it "less weird". Well I've decided the best thing to do is to self publish it myself than to change what makes the novel special for a mass audience. However, I want the novel to be in the best shape it can be before I go down the self publishing route. This means hiring a professional editor, hiring an artist for the cover, and hiring someone for the cover's lettering. My posted goal of $600 will be enough to cover all of those things, plus anything extra/left over will be spent on advertisement for the novel in an attempt to reach a broader audience. Echo of the Larkspur would never have gotten this far without the support of my friends, family, and fans. With your help I'll be able to finally get my novel out into the world into the hands of those who have waited so long. Every donation helps, and so does sharing this page! Thank you, Amber

I myself am the editor tapped to work on this; I'm giving them a discount to help with the publishing process.

Friends, this is a book I believe in. I've read older versions (though it's been a few years) and I know this book is ready. This is the time for this book. It's radically inclusive, and features meditations and musings on robotics and cognition that are very sophisticated. All in a body-positive queer romance with robots.

So, if you're a fan of their Overwatch work, Points on a Circle, check out some of their original works and fanfic here!

Donate Here!

[littlecherryhuanlin]

A Tale of a Lonely Heart- Na Jaemin

You may like: Ghost of You with Nakamoto Yuta

Disclaimer: Here is the prequel to "Love at Dawn", first I would like to apologize to those who had to wait so long for this, second this is not what I wanted to be delivering to you, u see I had a completely different story ready in Dec (I wrote on my phone and went directly to my drafts on the computer while reviewing and I was stupid enough to delete the backup since I would post it the next morning), for some reason Tumblr ate my drafts and I ended up losing not only the og version of this but also everything that was there, I'm not proud of this work, but I still hope u guys enjoy it.

Word Count: 1.1k

Warnings: Jaemin POV, but also contains the use of bad words, descriptive content, mentions of alcohol, kinda angst, short mention about Jeno's bed, angry behavior, Jaemin crying, fluff if you squint

Jaemin liked to keep his feet on the ground when it came to serious matters, despite the mixed image people had of the boy due to the near-bipolar discrepancy in his personality, everyone agreed that Jaemin was a carefree guy: unable to mind anything that wasn't on his priority list, which led to the belief that he wasn't a big fan of relationships, as his owns rarely lasted more than a few weeks.

What nobody knew, however, was that for him love was a very serious matter; the tales of souls carefully chosen to share the beauty of life with the children of the moon were universal, and having grown up listening closely to all the stories about how the imprint was the most precious thing in a werewolf's life, there was nothing he wanted more than find his mate and settling down, his short relationships being solely derived from the fact that none of the girls on campus were her.

And yet, he was completely taken aback when he saw her for the first time, things around him slowly losing focus as her scent completely overpowered his senses, his thoughts fading away and being replaced exclusively and immediately by her, a strange heat slowly rising through his body consuming every inch of his being, he even thought he would die trapped in the intoxicating sensation that took over his heart, the one that seemed to be on the verge of collapse the closer she got and before he even realized it, he was knocked down by the most beautiful creature he had ever seen in his life, his imprint.

Say that he had to hold back when she stopped in front of him would be an understatement, he violently fought the urge to get up and wrap his arms around her, which caused him to stare at the ground as Donghyuck introduced her as his best friend, obviously, her existence was no secret to any of them: Haechan spoke of the girl at every opportunity since the beginning of the school year, gradually making everyone extremely curious about the mysterious YN - being the means the boy used to keep her hidden from the group for half a year a secret to everyone.

Jaemin was so out of his mind that Jeno was the one to introduce him quickly, thank goodness the boys were too entertained with her to notice his strange behavior.

Unable to say anything, he just watched discreetly as the girl animatedly chatted with the boys about things he couldn't even understand. He was too busy trying to put himself in order to recognize any sound around him, everything has became a blur and he was no longer lucid, he would be lying if he said he wasn't afraid of the situation, he was terrified, trying all the time to calm down before he had a heart attack.

-

Jaemin was never really able to speak properly to her, not the second or third or any of the times that followed over the next year, little by little he managed to answer back, but for some reason, everything that came out of his mouth sounded like snarling attacks and the more time passed the more "what ifs" occupied the boy's mind as the unfriendly tension between YN and him grew. Slowly the hopes he had upon the relationship with the one he had imprinted on disappeared, and despite the frown that he put on every time he was around the girl the feeling that had taken over him the first time they met never really disappeared.

Although he considered himself a strong guy, there were moments that Jaemin had broken because of her, like the first time she spent the night in the house he shared with Jeno, Haechan and Renjun:

The first time the boys totally lost control around her (which, to Jaemin's dismay, only meant one thing: she was one of them now) and she ended up having to stay the night because everyone was too drunk to do anything, imagine Jaemin's surprise the next morning when he opened his best friend's bedroom door only to find the girl tangled up in his covers while Jeno was passed out on the couch next to her.

Jaemin drove for four hours straight, he realized at that moment that not only Haechan -to say that he had grown to hate his friend a bit would be more than adequate; their closeness disgusted him, Haechan and YN understood each other so deeply that the boy often doubted the veracity of the supposed connection he allegedly has with her- was a threat, but all of them, other than that, he couldn't help but dislike her at that moment not only for showing up in his life but for also stealing his friends.

-

Even though Jaemin wanted to hate the girl he found himself completely in love with her, so in love that the next time he broke down- so badly- over her was also the first time one of the boys found out who she was to him:

YN had a boyfriend, the news that Haechan shared so excitedly with the group while making fun of YN brought immediate tears to the boy's eyes, his heart squeezed so hard that Jaemin thought he was going to pass out, he was so busy trying to breathe properly that he couldn't he noticed his friends entering the library much less Mark approaching him worriedly. Fortunately, the older boy managed to drag Jaemin to the back of the building and patiently waited while he calmed down, however, the moment Nana noticed the sad and surprised expression on his friend's face he knew that the pieces had fallen into place for Mark and his secret was no longer so secret.

When her relationship finally ended Jaemin found himself having mixed feelings: he was happy that she was single, but hell, he hated to see her sad and was ready to kill whoever made her cry, in the end, Mark had to convince him that broke Hyunjin's face was not a good idea.

At a certain point, Jaemin found himself rooting for the end of any minimal relationship that the girl had with any man outside their circle - it was difficult, but the boy was proud of having reached an agreement on the closeness of YN and the boys: he decided that he would be happy that she had true friends who would always take care of her instead of hating his friends for it - on the other hand, the more time passed, the more he questioned whether the girl's permanence in his life was, in fact, a good thing: at the same time that he loved her, he hated the way his heart always seemed to be torn apart because of her.

Please do not copy or translate any of my works, all creative work is copyrighted and therefore plagiarism is a crime.

[queerprayers]

I’ve been following your blog for a while now, and it’s really been helping restore my relationship with faith. So firstly I want to say thank you. <3 I also wanted to ask how you learned to deal with adversity so well? I’ve seen other blogs on here that frequently invalidate queer christians and openly say they are not valid. How can one believe in a god that would “make all people in his image” but then turn around and tell his people to hate what he had created?

Welcome, beloved! I'm so glad this can be a good space for you and you're very welcome. My ability to deal with adversity is actually currently being tested because I wrote out a complete response for you and Tumblr did not save my draft!!! And yet we press on. Hopefully this second try from scratch is still helpful/relevant. Please assume any lack of genius is because I used it all up the first time around. :)

I'm honored you think I deal with adversity well—I have a long way to go but I am proud of where I am. Partially I've learned because I had to learn. My greatest wish was to continue being in faith communities as myself, and that sadly inherently puts me in adverse situations. I'm lucky to generally have experienced passive/"well-meaning" homophobia in my daily life rather than active violence or abuse, but it is of course still a hardship. In many ways I am not given a choice—if I live as I am, this is what I will experience. I wish this were not the case, but it is—which means part of fulfilling my journey (existing as I am within my faith) means dealing with adversity, and because of my beliefs, I strive always to deal with it in loving ways.

I know I am connected to generations of Christians experiencing adversity, both from within and outside the church, and, like many of them, I have decided it is worth it to not give up my allegiance. To be clear, I have immense empathy and respect for those who leave the church for these reasons, and I would never shame them or consider them cowardly/weak—for those I know it has been an act of bravery, strength, and self-preservation. I want everyone to be free to make that choice—and I have (sometimes grudgingly) chosen to stay. 

I similarly have empathy for those who attempt to repress or choose to hide/keep private their sexuality/gender—this is a very painful experience that I wish no one had to go through, but some are driven to it. There are generations of Christians (and queer people of all religions/cultures) who have experienced this, and it's often a choice between coming out or keeping your family/community/even life. Ultimately, some people do not wish to come out, not or ever. I do encourage people to be honest with themselves and God, and try their best to seek out affirming communities for their own health/well-being and ability to freely serve God, but again, this is a choice we are free to make—and I (joyfully and painfully, in an uncomfortable but safe environment) have chosen to be out.

I've had to learn how to curate my space on the Internet and generally avoid debates with strangers—my current rule when deciding whether to give someone time when they approach me with abuse is to ask, "Would answering this be useful (to me, to them, to those who might read it)?" and "Are they saying anything worth thinking about?" Often, the answer is no. Someone telling me to kill myself does not want to have a conversation, and there's nothing to respond to. But if someone shares a specific opinion, or cites a Bible verse, or criticizes a specific belief, then there's something there that could be useful to address. And then, of course, protecting myself is also relevant. It takes energy for me to write anything, but doubly so when I know the other person isn't approaching the conversation with the same love I attempt to. If I have the energy, and feel like there's something to actually say, sometimes I'll say something. 

Whether I'm responding or deleting, I am called to keep moving with prayer and love. I can't let my beliefs go out the window when I get hurt or angry (although that happens to all of us sometimes). And always always I remember that it's never about me. Homophobia comes from ignorance/fear/disgust, and although I am sometimes the one directly addressed, I am not what these people have an issue with. Problems with me living as a Christian generally come from past trauma, ideological issues with certain theologies, or ignorance/disrespect of religion generally, not me existing. Again, I'm the one being addressed, but their (often justified) anger is not about me. I'm not trying to make excuses for people, but I am making the space for my own compassion and their ability to grow, as my religion has taught me. (Obviously this doesn't include instances in which I might be the one who has made a mistake/caused harm; I'm talking about unjust adversity people experience, not consequences of actions.)

I will point out that it is much harder to deal with people like this in person. Writing involves distance and time from the aggressor. I can take a deep breath, wait a few days, choose whether to respond, and reread my words before sending them, thinking about how they might be received. But on the street? In school hallways? There is no distance and no time, and there is sometimes a lack of physical safety as well. This is when I have most often given in to anger, or meeting disgust with disgust. Obviously this has often been self-protection and survival, and I do not fault myself or anyone for not meeting oppression with perfect calm—this is impossible and not a value everyone holds. (That's a whole 'nother discussion!) When possible, though, I do try to do what I do here—if I feel safe, if I have the energy, I'm open, I ask questions. People filled with anger/fear/disgust/ignorance often can't keep it up for long. 

Why do people hate, especially when they claim to value love? I don't have definite answers, although I've provided some already. I do know that most of the homophobic people I know are not abusive/violent—they are well-meaning and put-together. They genuinely want what's best for people, and think that guiding people toward repression or conversion therapy or mandated celibacy will guide their life towards God. This is a deeply mistaken perspective, that causes real harm and is full of ignorance, but I do not experience it as hate (although there is a violence present). They think I am not whole as I am, and think that loving me involves fixing me. This is not loving, but it is something I can understand more than outright abuse. It's another kind of adversity, one that sometimes hurts more long-term, partially because I can understand it more—I can't dismiss it. And these people have a hard journey—admitting they're wrong means admitting their whole worldview is broken, but also often includes making this judgment about their family/community, and might mean losing it. Again, I do not seek excuses, but context and space.

In my life, I prove them wrong by living wholly, fully, and openly. I cannot make them see my happiness—we cannot force people to open their eyes. But we can show them light where we can. We cannot save them alone, but they can be saved, and they will be. ("Save" here meaning to fully experience love, not conversion or avoidance of a traditional Hell.) I know my patience and love (the little of it I can sometimes reach) can help people, because people have told me it has, and this an honor and a privilege and an overwhelming stress and a gift from a universe I cannot move. If the way I have chosen saves even one person, it is worth it—and if we include me, then it definitely has, but even if we don't, I have witnessed others' hearts change. Moving and writing and speaking with love will not fix everything, it is not magical, but Love will save all of us—They already have. Love (who is God) is with us, even when we cannot feel it, even when we don't have the energy to comprehend it, even when we are blinded and scared and cannot admit we are wrong.

My beliefs inherently make room for people to change, even when this truth makes me mad, even when I wish I could just give up on people. Christianity, at its best, equips us to take a deep breath and remember what we were made for. As Pentecost arrives, I hold the Spirit close—I've never spoken in tongues or been set on fire (and not to jinx it but I don't really desire to), but I've felt the wind on my face and bird-watched in my backyard and sat around a bonfire with people I love. I have so far to go, and the road rises to meet me.

In summary, TL;DR, don't mean to rant but always do: I learned to deal with adversity because I had to, and with practice, while honoring others, while figuring out a path of love in this weird and confusing life, even as I fail at what I set out to do all the time, God sees what I do in the name of survival, and gives me the strength to keep going. I know anger and fear and disgust and ignorance because they're in everyone; I know what it is to believe something and do things that go against that, because I do it all the time; I know what it is to hang on to things I've been taught even when they're harmful, because I've done that. We can only pray that they do not overtake us as they overtake those who hurt us.

Blessings to you as we move through an inhospitable world (and website). May we do all the good that we can.

Grant, O God, that your holy and life-giving spirit may move every human heart, that the barriers which divide us may crumble, suspicions disappear, and hatreds cease, and that, with our divisions healed, we might live in justice and peace; through your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. —Lutheran Book of Worship (1978)

<3 Johanna

[mynameisnotsoda]

Lore dumping my fnaf au

I just remembered that I inserted myself and my best friend into the au for funsies (you'll notice I do that a lot. This is how cringe I am)

In my first draft I went on a rant abt how much I hated Wilbur's face but after going back to fix it I just needed to add his glasses LMAO. Initially I forgot about the face paint until I stared at my ref LMAO it's supposed to look faded and I think I did a pretty damn good job

Other than that the rest is fine. Erm. I didn't think I'd yap so much about that the actual lore is below the cut lawl

This is Maya!!!! (she/they) she's the mechanic in the pizzaplex, is addicted to caffeine, and is my bestest friend !!!!!! In the au we live together and also work at the same place that's so funny ‼️‼️

They usually work the night shift but if there needs to be emergency repairs during the day they're always on call for that. Nights usually consist of checkups and clean up of the animatronics and androids (will get into that later).

Clearly, I have a favorite, so he's also my favorite in the au itself LMAO cSoda works in the daycare but often leaves to bother the animatronics ☝️☝️‼️‼️

the daycare has an art station so that's where they work, they also help clean up and watch over the kids with the daycare androids !!! Who are *drumroll* Mumbo and Grian !!!!

(I forgot the makeup in this doodle,, and apparently the white stripe on the red part of the dress uggghh) the daycare androids are supposed to be more human looking to not scare the little kids, but cartoony (and tall) enough to differentiate from the human coworker. I like to imagine their faces are rly simple bc they're LED screens with projected expressions to make emotions n stuff. Plus I wanted to keep their faces similar to their skins with an in universe reason for it pfsjshgdhdh

Tumblr keeps bugging out every time I wanna post and it's DRIVING ME INSANE !!!! half this post got deleted and I'm SO MAD ABOUT IT but anyway here's the refs I made like 2 years ago. Their designs haven't changed since I made them so I probably won't remake them unless I start hating my old art enough LMAO

The canon heights I never wrote down so here they are: Ranboo 8'0, Wilbur 7'2, Maya 5'4, I'm 5'7, Grian 7'0, Mumbo 8'0, James 7'0, Tommy 6'6, Jimmy 5'5 and Schlatt wasnt in the AU at the time but he's 6'4

I didnt really make this au for anything except silly scenarios and because making the designs were fun pFF ALSO I FORGOT TO MENTION Sneeg is dj music man !!!! I never got around to drawing him before since I just figured out recently I wanted him to be dj music man so yeah !!

I know this isn't that much of a lore dump but I think I got all my thoughts out for now lawl everything will be under the animatronicfication au tag :v

I have GOT to draw Wilbur the way I used to. The biblically accurate animatronic eyes do NOT look good in my art style 😭😭 also I just noticed I basically painted the same thing into my sketchbook wtf I completely forgot about this doodle until I found it after digging for au art 🤯🤯

[borealopelta]

10 questions for 10 writers

the beloved @arokel tagged me aaages ago and i'm finally doing it yayyy!

1. Is writing a hobby or a way of life?

a hobby i think. i do write a lot and it's a big part of my life but i wouldn't define myself as a writer you know? i'm just someone who writes :)

2. A journal full of notes or a clean completed manuscript?

journal full of notes!! i usually get tiny snippets of Disjointed Scenes stuck in my head and i recently realised that if i wrote them out i could. come back to them later if i wanted instead of forgetting them like a cool person. so i'm doing that in my notes app for now. but theoretically i'm all for a clean manuscript i'm literally incapable of writing a fic out of order aside from my little notes

3. Who or what inspired your writing?

honestly this question is stumping me a little. i don't know? i've been writing and telling stories from a very young age and i never had Big Inspirations. i do have people who influence my style (see the three authors i mention in question 8....holy shit to be able to write like that) but inspiration? idk i don't think i'm even getting what kind of inspiration this is asking about.

4. Which is worse: Someone you ‘idolize’ reading your first draft or listening to you sing?

Definitely singing. i don't mind people i look up to reading my stuff! even if it could be improved!! but singing for an audience is horrible :)

5. Has writing from someone else’s POV changed your perspective?

i'm a very emotional person and experience everything all the time except for when i shut off and stop feeling at all for a bit. the latter is a rare occurrence and i'm generally all about emotions so writing my favourite oc who operates on a Very low emotional spectrum was (is) a really interesting experience. i have to put a lot of thought into how bella sees the world but i Love the way his brain works so he's always worth the effort and i'm thankful to him for showing me something new

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN?

no wattpad....how quickly forget our dark history. anyway yeah it's ao3!!! i Love the way ao3 works i did Not learn to navigate FFN well enough (not for lack of trying btw) to ever really use it

7. AO3 word count? And are you satisfied with it?

137,805. i'm a notorious fic deleter so it's not representative of the amount i've written over the years but. yeah! i'm happy with that. i obviously want to write more but word count is one of the stats i care least about

8. What movie/book gripped you irrevocably?

for books it's either the hungarian selection aka Verhovina madarai by Bodor Ádám and Termőtestek by Sepsi László - two novels i think about literally all the time - or Tell Them of Battles, Kings, and Elephants by Mathias Énard which i keep recommending to LITERALLY everyone because it's so beautiful. btw read tell them of battles kings and elephants by mathias énard it's so beautiful. for movies i guess dead poets society? aesthetically & also its message is so beautiful and i love a robin williams film

9. What’s the highest compliment you could ever be given, and have you been given it?

i don't know!!! any compliment makes me happy. but i love hearing that people came back to reread multiple times. like omg!! welcome back i'm so glad my sillies are in your brain

10. What defines your writing style?

i like to think my descriptions are pretty definitive, i loooooove stacking adjectives and adverbs and stuff with hyphens and commas and ands and other verbal connective tissue i love describing things in very specific ways and i think my writing also has a unique rhythm because of how hungarian works and how that translates to english. but that's just inside my brain idk!! my writing might be the most generic shit to everyone else :]

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

drop the lore for your song !

(insert "sorry i put this in drafts and immediately forgot about it" cake here. sorry i put this in drafts and immediately forgot about it!!!)

okay so first i guess we should probably drop the lyrics, theyre on bandlab but also who give a shit. here you go:

-and you sit there like youre some starry-eyed god

asking for sacrifice, knowing what i lost

and what can i do but follow you?

i made you my temple, just follow through

and your honor, you sit and stare as i stand witness

to this man burning everything i love down with this building

and from the ashes his eyelash comes falling, i make a wish

it wont ever come true but ill make him pray it did

and god, my god i would follow you to death

you know this so you hold a blunt knife to my neck

i am more than just your satisfactions and regrets

but you are less than i thought, you are less and you're not even worth it

i am breathing just a little and calling it a life

you are walking in the wild with a mass market knife

and it feels so juvenile to talk it all through

we are teenagers at battle, we are always coming true

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW YOU COULD NOT HAVE SAVED ME?

AND DO YOU BELIEVE IN EVERYTHING YOU SEE ON THE NEWS

CAUSE YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW THAT ALL KIDS DO IS LOSE EVENTUALLY.

I HATE THAT YOU COULDNT SAVE ME.

that must mean im stronger.

you said you would protect me.

but im like ocean water.

and youre like twenty three!

so i choose now between honesty and dignity

and i cannot worship a god i cant believe

yeah i tore my palms down your altar

for war, blood must taste sweet

i dont know what to do to make you believe that im insane

you made me, made me you, made me who i am

no you didnt make me, i made me, you were just a tool

ill say anything so ill sleep the whole night through

first piece of lore: i did in fact write this in tumblr drafts. people tend to not believe me when i tell them but notes app is far too open. tumblr drafts is for the arteries. also the sense of danger from my drafts being cleared or my account being deleted (which happened) keeps me on my toes.

second piece of lore: this is less of a song and more of a conglomeration of words i thought go together good. i didnt really have a plan for this as i was writing it, it sort of formed the image and story it has as i wrote and only when i was "done" (the song isnt complete but im done writing it for now) did i have it completely. my sister said the phrase "starry-eyed god" and i ran from there! i was kind of toying with the idea of being hurt by someone who doesnt really believe they are harming you, and sort of falling across that line all the time of are they really innocent or are they playing innocent.

i also liked the idea of being so in love with someone that you'd worship them, not understanding that that isnt love, its obsession. lots of misunderstandings and insanity in this bad boy.

this is also definitely the ending half of the song. in my recording the end is a little fucked because, third piece of lore, i accidentally slammed my hand on the table out of passion and spent the rest of the song trying not to cry in pain. why did i push through, you may ask. why didnt i just stop and rerecord in a minute. well im something of an artiste (idiot)

that bit on "what can i do but follow you/i made you my temple just follow through" where im high and singing almost reverently is what i want more of the beginning to sound like. for this section we have more of those divine chorus vibes peeking through every once in a while, so the beginning will have this almost spoken desperate vibe peeking through, but majority of that high angel voice for most of it.

okay this is already long so im gonna stop here with general lore -- if you want me to go through the lyrics as well and talk about that, i am more than happy to!! lyrics are my favorite parts of a song, especially writing-wise, so i would love that actually. some of the lyrics in this are inspired by poetry so its pretty fun to look back and see.

thank you for asking!! i love you sm <33

[ayoharuko]

Important Note by Me

Hello everyone! Its been almost (from where I live) 3 days since I've been online, also a week (I think) since I've posted my last post.

Now there are some personal problems going on in my life, more on my mental health.

If you guys get triggered easily please don't read further down and just know that I'll be back (in a week) soon to do more content and post my fic :)

2 days ago, I lost all my motivation to continue writing, now at first I thought that this was another writers block and that I'll be back after I get proper rest, but as you all can see my writers block hasn't gone away yet.

Without any motivation I continued working on my drafts and I worked on them the whole day until 2 am in the morning.

My S/o was very much concerned but I told them that I was doing fine.

While writing for one of my drafts the words that I wanted to type out wasn't getting typed out properly (Does that make sense?)

I had lots of grammar and spelling mistakes....

I blanked out for I don't know how long but I noticed that my lap was getting more and more wet, I was crying.....

That was when I had broken down and had my first mental breakdown in months....

My S/o who had heard my loud sobs came to my rescue and started comforting and talking to me.

When we were talking and I started to relax bit by bit, I had realized that I had worked myself too hard, I was so afraid of failing and letting people down that I had put my mental health at risk.....

This started when people (Some Anons and other acc's that I won't mention) started sending in requests when my request box was closed (I stated it was closed), other thing is that the requests that were being sent were strictly against the rules, I wasn't comfortable writing them at all even if my request box were open (Hence why I added some new rules)

But I didn't really care and just deleted them, then some anons started sending hate asks to me.

Asking why their requests took so long, some disrespecting how I write, saying how I write some characters were disrespectful and why my Genshin SAGAU fic took so long.

I was shocked by this but one anon ask made me lose all motivation and completely made me slut down.....

Was that why do I even write if I can't even remember to check or finish submissions, especially when I had ADHD.

Now, my writing has NOTHING to do with my mental health or ADHD. I try to finish as much requests as I can, losing sleep is horrible but I love making people smile or feel emotions while reading what I wrote.

Due to that, I started letting these bad thoughts get inside my head....and I started constantly overworking myself when clearly I was tired and didn't have motivation to do any work.

Resulting to me breaking down, I hated making people upset because of my actions. But because of all of that I had forgotten to take care of myself, I forgot to care for myself.

I forgot that I was just a normal person who had to get by in life......

With all that being said, I would love to take a week break. A week break to clear my mind and a week break from writing.

Don't worry tho! I'll be online here on Tumblr, just browsing, chatting, reblogging and hearting posts :)

Thank you to everyone who has supported me this far, I appreciate all the love and support.

But I'll be signing off for now.....

See you :)

[toseeclearly]

i deleted everything by accident

I deleted everything by accident, and now I am grieving.

It's not that these things were important, technically. I deleted a tumblr I barely used or looked at; a place where I would start to write a post, get cold feet, and then leave it in the drafts until I no longer wanted to do anything with it. That's all it was, a graveyard to things I was never going to complete, ideas I'd given up on, plans I never followed through with.

But still, the day they rip the memorial down is still sad, and you'll forever walk by that lamp post and remember that, at one point, there were flowers here.

So I guess I just... use this how I used to use the internet: like a diary. I was once a dedicated blogger, back in the days when being a "blogger" had some sort of caché (I think if you said that now, someone would assume you were using some sort of throwback term, like asking aloud if anyone knew of a video store they could check out. Are there any video stores left? I don't know, and I don't feel like googling right now). I wanted to be a writer, a blogger, I wanted to be like all the cool teens I followed who had custom webpages with sections where they'd post about their thoughts and other sections for cool things they did with their friends. I wanted to be their friend and be posted on their cool blog! But this was the early 2000s, where the only way to contact these people was to either stalk a forum they might be on, or email them directly, and both of those always felt unappealing. So instead, I wrote about my life and my friends, read my friends blogs, hoped to be cool enough to be included. Hundreds of posts, stories and essays and quiz results and absolutely atrocious poetry, we wrote so much, I wrote so much. And all of it is gone, now. Blogs long deleted, websites no longer active, everything lost to digital decay. Or, if you're me, you delete your tumblr by accident while massively tired and only realise too late what you've done. More decay, more insignificant pieces of the web burned away. I'm the only one who cares, but that's fine. I can... rebuild. Or just use this space for my own terrible navel gazing.

I write a lot. I have a fair amount of published work, but I also write a lot that never sees the light of day (and probably never should, mostly for quality control issues). I spent a lot of nights writing Parkdale Haunt, a lot of very late evenings hammering out page after page after page until my eyes hurt and my brain was trying to escape my skull, but it felt good. It was a good time. There's several episodes where I wrote the first draft in a complete haze, like when you're running a marathon (NOTE: I have never run a marathon, but like, stick with me here, I'm just extrapolating from my time as a long distance runner) (SECOND NOTE: I hated long distance running and quit to focus on sprinting and hurdling, which I loved, because sprinting is designed for people who want all their endorphins RIGHT NOW and hurdling is designed for masochists, and the 400m hurdles is the perfect race if you just want to punish yourself for any feeling of hubris that you've ever had in your entire curséd life) and you're just zoning out and pushing through any thought you might have that says hey man, what if you just - oh, I don't know - lied down on that patch of grass over there? Yeah, that would be sick as fuck. Writing feels like that for me sometimes, like hey, wouldn't it be nice to just go to bed? Yeah, bed is good. But then I would look down and there'd be 15 pages in front of me, and I'd feel... great. And also exhausted and vaguely headachy, but great. Then I would just spam Emily and/or Ian with screenshots of scenes at random times. Being in my vicinity means you're getting unhinged screenshots at some point.

So I've been writing again. I've got two scripts going for a new show, here's to hoping it works out. And I guess I can write here when I need/want to procrastinate. I don't have much of a footprint left after I threw my fucking shoes in the ocean.

All this has done is made me miss hurdling.

[whichwoods]

ask game going around, ty for the tag @girlpinkdress 💕:) tagging anyone else who'd like to participate

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

3! (completely forgot about my lsts oneshot when i first posted this lmao)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

64,757

3. What fandoms do you write for?

hotd, pjo, and otgw (counting wips and tumblr-exclusives)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

i do not have that many lmao — but in order it's 'like the stars that shine' and 'lightning-stained skies' (though the last is really only still up just because i try to avoid deleting fic on principle 🥲)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i try to! especially if it's one i can tell someone put a lot of effort into 💕 i often fall behind on replies though, like right now with my tumblr inbox 🥲

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

what endings?

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

again, what endings?? (my old-ass oneshot that's still on ff.net implying piper and conrad from the girl who could fly get together)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no! i've been very lucky in that realm

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yes! mostly your basic abo, piv smut, though i also have some softcore typical m/m in my drafts :)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

yes, but it's the only one i'll ever write simply because i couldn't shake the concept of dipper, wirt, bill, and the beast from otgw and gravity falls as the most dysfunctional friend group ever 🥲 (i encountered the fandoms before i watched both shows) otherwise i don't really care for them lol

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so! (if i do,,,, when i catch you ricky,,, 👹)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i have not! i'm very open to it, though, if anyone is ever able/interested and wants to reach out :)

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

no! tbh i don't think that'd jive well with my writing style 😅

14. What's your all-time favourite ship

hard to say! measuring by longest love, maybe piper and conrad from tgwcf 💕 honestly i'm always cycling between ships though — for a long time i would've said percabeth from pjo and i still have a soft spot for them :)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

my post-canon poetree slowburn for otgw 🥲 i'm thinking of maybe posting scattered oneshots so at least some of it can see the light of day

16. What are your writing strengths?

i usually say dialogue, and that's also feedback i've been given! but that's also what i frequently get insecure about lmao 😅

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

people's physical descriptions 🥲 always has been

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i usually opt for just italicizing in english for fictional languages because i'm lazy lol, but i think writing it out in the other language looks better. i don't really care when i'm reading as long as there's a translation somewhere in the chapter :)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

percy jackson 🫶���

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

i guess lsts!

[fairyringsandwings]

can you please share with us your writing tips (especially for beginners and stories for romance and smut).

also, can you share some tips on how to overcome anxiety and worrying on whether on not your should publish a story, especially if its a self-indulgent or ooc fanfic .

Hello Dear Anon!

I completely understand you having anxieties and worries over whether or not to publish your writings. It's quite scary putting your work out there for people to read. I actually still get very anxious before updating or publishing new stories. I go through a whirlwind of 'people are gonna hate this' and 'this is the chapter they realise how terrible a writer I am' and 'they're gonna abandon my story cause of how badly I wrote this chapter'. But, I enjoy writing, and every time there's always at least one person who likes the story too and that definitely makes it worth it to me.

For what it's worth, the majority of fanfic readers are kind and supportive, regardless of the writer's skills. I think over the 12 years I've been writing fics, I've maybe had 3 or 4 mean comments (and it's always been from anti-shipper/rival ship shippers who are only out to upset people and stir drama). Most people remember that fanfic is FREE and written by people of all writing levels, during their free time. No one can complain about it and most will only give you advice, tips, and criticisms if you ask for it in your author notes and most are very kind when doing so.

Whatever kind of fic you want to share, there is definitely someone out there who will love it! Don't worry about it being ooc. It's always fun and interesting to see different interpretations and sides of characters + you might be writing them more in character than you realise, but it's your nerves telling you otherwise. And a story can neeeever be too self-indulgent. My stories are all 100% self-indulgent! They are perfectly catered to my oddly specific likes - fanfics are just as much for their authors as they are for their readers.

As for writing advice, I don't really know what kind of advice to give, but I'll share with you some of the tips + resources others have given me which really helps me! :D

Descriptionary | Helping Writers Find The Words (wordpress.com)

This is an amazing site! It'll help you find ways to describe things like emotions, colours, environments and physical appearances. It'll also give advice on other aspects of writing like pacing.

I also use Grammarly to help me pick up spelling and grammar mistakes.

Always remember, your first draft of a chapter doesn't need to be perfect. It can be messy, mistake-ridden and filled with blanks or lines like *they fought*, *they kissed*, *something happens*. Just get that first draft down - the skeleton of the chapter, if you will - so you can go back and edit it, fixing the mistakes, fleshing it out, finding better word choices and filling in the parts you got stuck on. It's much easier once you get a draft down, no matter how messy and chaotic it is. If you get stuck, move on to the next part. You don't have to write it linearly. Having an ending in mind can also really help as it gives you a target to aim for.

Read lots and write whenever you can!

As for writing smut and romance, it's my fav things to write about but I really struggle with it as truth be told, I'm a sex-repulsed ace/aro who has never even kissed anyone xD So, I can't draw from experience and sex ed in my catholic school was pretty... um... well, not helpful. So, I turn to these links for guidance and quick help.

The Ultimate Guide to Writing Smut Fic by QuinnAnderson

How To Write A Kiss (Old Tumblr post. Original deleted. But it's got useful tips that I like to refer to)

Interesting Writing Words (Tumblr post)

Emotion Cheat Sheet (Tumblr Post)

If anyone has any writing advice, please feel free to share!

[despairing-disaster]

Hi! First of all, I just found your blog, and I LOVE it! The theories are honestly so well though out! I really need to ask your opinion on something that I've been yo-yoing myself

I've seen some people say that David going to be the antagonist. Yeah, he was acting pretty antagonistic in the first trial (granted everyone was pointing fingers at Teruko), but something about him still trying to mask his suspicions with a 'nice facade' was lowkey irritating to see. Plus, Teruko is a protagonist, but isolated herself from the rest of the group, being pessimistic and cynical. David (at least his facade) is a direct foil to that, being optimistic and wanting the best for everyone. It also raises lots of suspicion that David was the one that wrote the note to Xander to kill Teruko, since Xander trusted him off the bat. I feel like it will come back at a later point in the story, and for that, David would (most likely) need to live for the shock of the reveal

Along with all these factors, my own theory is that David is also the mastermind. It just.......seem obvious. He's already established to be two-faced, he was grilling Teruko during the trial, even when other people were swayed that she was innocent, and his alibi for the first trial just seems......off to me? Like......he was in the laundry room for a really long time. And, if that was true, Min should've saw him. Of course, she didn't outright say "Oh, he was there/not there" but it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth

David seems way too interesting of a character to die so early. And even if he does, there is still a possibility that isn't the full end of learning more about him. I also seen theories of a 'protag switch' with him and Teruko (he does have an ahoge), but I'm still not sure what will happen with his character at this point. They carved out so many direction David's character can go, but there really is no 'set in stone' theory I can make of it

Hmmm... I have a lot of thoughts on this and I'm trying to articulate them, but I'm not sure how I should do it and I also keep getting distracted by some new feature tumblr added that is unhelpful and distracting as per company standard. I also revised this draft like 5 times (and by revised I mean completely deleted and rewrote)

First and foremost, a lot of what I'm gonna say is probably gonna come across as harsh or dismissive and this not in any way related to you OP, but I'm honestly just kinda tired of hearing about David from the rest of the fandom. I actually do like him as a character, I just think he's mischaracterized by a majority of the fandom as a worse person than he likely is. Maybe I'm gonna eat my words in the future, but those are my thoughts for now.

That being said, he's not gonna be the rival. Full stop. I keep my mind open on a lot of things but I'm honestly pretty insistent on this one. I personally think David's behavior in the first trial has everything to do with his relationship with Xander as well and nothing to do with anything else. I feel like the thing people miss with both of them-- especially with one being regarded by fandom as noble and heroic but tragically forced to kill and the other as a shady, bullshitting master manipulator-- is that they both idolized each other for an ideal they each betrayed. Xander saw David as someone worth admiring for his ability to inspire and rouse others into action as a result of his talent and David saw Xander as someone worth admiring for his authenticity and compassion for others. However, David doesn't seem like he can practice what he preaches and Xander obviously went against his morals, but David didn't want to believe it. He wanted to think Xander wasn't someone like him who couldn't live up to the standards he preached, but he ultimately didn't die a hero, he died a murderer (and a failed one at that). That's why he defended him so hard in the trial. He's not so much fake and two faced in my mind as he is someone who wants to believe that things will turn out for the better with just a good attitude and some elbow grease but is struggling against a world where that's not always the case. He was staunchly in denial about who Xander was as much as Xander was willing to ignore anything anybody else had to say on David. Even before it was revealed he had a family history of depression, a lot of the ways he was described as well as his generally low, exhausted energy when he's not putting on a front stood out to me and I definitely factored a possible mental health condition into a lot of my thoughts on him right from the get go.

That being said, I did find the laundry room thing suspicious. Idk. It just seems weird to me that something like that would get brought up and then just dropped when the rest of the trial was pretty thorough. It could be a nod to a certain events in one of the canon games, but beyond that, I don't suspect David as the mastermind any more than anyone else. There just isn't enough for me to go off of as of now and when it comes to big judgements like these, I tend to just stick to waiting and seeing.

Honestly, at the end of the day, David just isn't a character I have a lot of thoughts on. I feel like fandom has really picked up a specific idea of what David is and most of my thoughts are in disagreement. Is he a two-faced liar? I guess, but I would be too if my job was selling people lies motivational speaking. Was he unjust in hounding Teruko in the first trial? A little, but if he really believed Xander was as good of a person as he thought he was, why wouldn't he? What motive would Xander have to kill in his mind? I think the only thing here I really agree on is that he's going to live for a bit (imo, at least up to chapter 3 if not longer) to better explore the depths of his character. I do have some other thoughts, but nothing I can expand upon or really cohesively tie together with what I've said so far, so I think I'm gonna just leave it at this.

[underthetree845]

ask game

😅✍🛒🛠💖👀🤗

Hello darling! Thank you for the ask (<3)

😅 (What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?)- God, um, I have this one x reader thing I wrote, and it was the very first piece of fanfiction I ever came up with. I wrote it in eighth grade (T-T). It wasn't super terrible and I didn't say "orbs" instead of eyes even once, I just kind of didn't know what I was doing. No planning took place, it was just a little forced, but I'm kind of proud of myself for just getting it out. It was an Armin/fem reader thing where they were going to a party dance thing and there was a confession. Kind of like a less evolved version of my recent masquerade fic, actually. I guess I enjoy writing dancing. I know I was young and everything but I'm so thankful that I hadn't figured out that I could actually post on fanfiction websites yet, I kept writing and thankfully (at least I believe/hope) that I got better. ✍ (Do you have a beta reader?)- I do not. I'm not against it or anything, I just don't. I do have this one friend that I send e v e r y t h i n g I write to though, albeit after it's published because she's not really an experienced writer (not that she's bad, just not the right person to ask for feedback). She's even read that dance fic I mentioned in the previous question.

🛒 (What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.)- Mutual pining is a big one for me 😭. Whether it's friends to lovers (which is what I mostly write), strangers to lovers, enemies, coworkers, etc. etc. there will always be mutual pining at some point. Even if one has had feelings for longer and I depict the growth of the other's feelings (which I find really interesting). Also- random- but I feel like hand holding/focus on hand touches is always a light thing I find myself wanting to incorporate. Not sure why.

🛠 (What tools/programs/apps do you use to write?)- I like to use google docs. It syncs to my phone too so I can write on the way to school or in public if I'm bored, stuff like that. Straight up writing in the tumblr drafts scares me, it's too easy to delete O.o. I oftentimes keep one doc for notes (if it's a longer fic) and write the fic separately. Fun fact though, when I started out, I was actually using the notes app on my phone. That didn't last long, but I still have my first few unpublished 8th grade fics on there.

💖 (What made you start writing?)- Okay so what made me REALIZE that I liked writing was my English classes in school. I've always been a bookworm- ever since I was a little kid- so it was amazing to me that I was able to create stories and show them to people in the same way real authors could. So middle school me loved doing creative writing assignments, I always went way over the wordcount, I loved reading books, etc. etc. Eventually I start getting into fandom, and through internet browsing, I come across fanfiction for the first time. I have to say, it kind of blew my mind. It's hard to explain that I never really stopped reading as much as I did in middle school and elementary school, I just read a lot more ~digital works by unpublished authors~ now (and I still do read books, I'm currently reading Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson and I love it). The rest I kind of already explained. I tried my hand at it for awhile in the notes app, eventually made an account, read, liked, etc., started posting, and the rest is history. :)

👀 (Tell me about an up and coming wip please!)- *Rubs hands together.* Okay, so: First of all, I'm ALMOST, almost I swear! I'm almost done with the next chapter for my ongoing fic. I'll probably post it sometime next weekend (I don't know if you follow it but there's that). I'm currently working on a Dazai oneshot with the pocky game (you know what that is, right?) And then someone sent me a jealous Chuuya request which I plan on completing after my other two wips since they won't take long.

🤗 (What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?)- EEEE! Okay okay!

Dear new writers, WE ARE SO HAPPY TO HAVE YOU HERE. Please don't be shy! Reach out, interact, share your work (if you want to) and there will be people who say hello back! Remember, don't compare yourself to other writers. We all started at some point. We all had a first post, we all make mistakes, we're all human. On that note, don't beat yourself up about making it perfect! Getting out a first draft is a great first step. It can include notes, errors, run on sentences, and that's fine because it's a draft! You do not have to be perfect, none of us are. Do not feel bad about not having the time to write, or even if you do have the time but lack the energy. Take care of yourself first always! Remember to have confidence in yourself. You created something that wasn't there before and put it out into the world and it's a story and it's yours and that is amazing in every aspect. Don't give up on yourself, take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and you will slowly but surely find your place in the writers' community! <3

Thank you again for the asks! I hope all of you sleep well tonight. <33

[moriartyluver]

Listen listen, that one Dangerously Yours audio that starts like “Listen to your heart Catherine, feel it pounding.” and so on but Liam is Rudolph and fl is Catherine

Honestly they match almost every single Dangerous Yours audio atp😭

🎀.

BRO I WROTE SO MUCH FOR THIS AND TUMBLR DELETED MY DRAFT 😭

"[...] an eternity without me you will look into the faces of passers by hoping for something that will for an instant bring me back to you. You will find moonlight night strangely empty, because when you call my name throught then there will be no answer. Always your heart will be aching for me and your mid will give you the doubtful consolation that you did a brave thing."

In the og version 1 I was gonna have fl and William be friends at first and then become complete enemies on different sides and have fl try to kill him or something at the end. In og version 2, the library scene was a lot like the count Estefan scene

They would’ve been a lot more friendly at the beginning in og version 2 but the plot was complicated and there was a shit ton of plot holes so I’m probably gonna stray away from it a lot more now. Fl was gonna be foreign royalty and a philosophy student but I changed my mind for the academic rivals to lovers. Also william wasn’t as whipped but kinda in denial with his feelings a lot more in the og version 2 and o low-key got pissed at fl a lot

I JUST REMEMBERED I QUOTED LOVERS ROCK IN THEIR SEMI- CONFESSION SCENE 😭 I WAS HONNA ORIGINALLY NAME IT LOVERS ROCK

name evolution was Addleworth (only got like two chapters before rework) —> lovers rock was almost a thing and i was considering a black butler x mtp crossover —> false lovers version 1/ og version 2 which the library ss were from. Got reworked bc I struggled with structure and someone commented a pretty harsh criticism so I couldn’t bring myself to write past chapter 16. —> false lovers currently

Also fun fact, the original idea was gonna be a friends to lovers to enemies with an angst ending

Anyways the semi confession scene was low-key funny bc William was talking about jumping off into the Thames and fl was just like. I had every reason to dislike her. Also pacing was so shit omg

ALSO I AM WORKING ON A MODERN AU WILLIAM X READER WHICH IS KIND OF AN ‘in another life’ + academic rivals —> lovers fic but it may take a while and I kinda wanna finish false lovers first.

THIS BIT IS SO THEM

"I love you! You may as well take my heart Catherine it's already full of you!"

"Please go."

"What is it? What's wrong my dear?"

"You know nothing about me, you've known me only three weeks!"

"Three weeks? Catherine I've known you all my life."

"All your life?"

"It's true, when I heard beautiful music I thought 'she'd like that'. I looked at flowers knowing that one day I'd give them to you."

"Oh stop, stop."

"But for my heart there is another love that must come before you, my country."

Except his country is more his ideal goal for Britain. BUT ITS SO THEM OMG

ALSO FL

“My country is very dear to me”

“Dearer than I?”

“No..not dearer than you” CRYING SCREAMING THROWING UP

[rosetintedkaleidoscope]

in light of that last post i reblogged + other things ive read recently (this blog post on being easily pleased, a book about enchantment that i strongly disagree with but will complain about more fully when i finish), this is a virtue i really resonate with. it’s the thing i really like about gratitude journaling. (i don’t actually gratitude journal but that sort of thing.) whether it’s listing out small things you enjoyed, or just trying to describe an interesting experience precisely, the act of describing something helps expand the experience and prioritize it for memories. (this is not to say you should describe everything good - there’s also something wonderful about having an experience completely in the moment, not thinking about how to describe it, just being there, then letting it fall away into memory - but it’s certainly good to describe things sometimes!)

i’ve done this in various ways (physical notebooks, notes app on my phone, private twitter account with no followers, even public posts on tumblr way back when) - but not so much lately. i think my most recent experiences i wrote down like this, i was too self-conscious to post so they’re just saved in my tumblr drafts so i can find them later to see again but no one else can see them. and then i deleted all those apps from my phone and i dont carry a notebook with me anymore so i stopped writing things down...

i still have all those wonderful experiences, but it’s harder to remember the specifics now. the angle of the bare branches against the glowing sky. the glow of the yellow traffic lights exactly matching the shade of the sunrise. the feeling of dipping my face into snow: the way it feels so soft at first, so light, and then it starts to melt and pricks your face like cold little grains of sand, and when you stand up there’s an imprint of your face like a mask. the waving shadows across the sidewalk. the moss of early spring... i can’t remember the details now, just the feeling of it under my fingers and an impression of golden green.

so anyway yesterday morning the shiny towel bar in our bathroom caught my eye and i looked closer at it. the light on it describes its shape in long thin stripes, in all the usual metal colors - white and shades of gray - with a hint of reflected green. if you follow its line all the way to the side, there’s another piece of metal that distorts the same light in arcs, equally shiny and gleaming, except the flat piece at the top that’s slightly fuzzed with dust; that dust had a soft, feathery look, muting the shadows and dulling the highlights and transforming this hard piece of metal to look friendly and soft. when i stared at it long enough it seemed like you could have a whole country in there, little dust creatures too small to see crawling along the flat gray surface between tall trees of dust (the tips of which form the fuzzy surface we see from above).

[writerscafehub]

MEET THE BARISTA: Witch Aunt

@moonlight-prose

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

I’ll say three and a half. Sometimes four. As a writer I don’t think I’m at my full potential yet and probably have quite a ways to go, but I don’t think I’m terrible at what I do.

2. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

I think maybe because of how much sensory emotion I put into it. I ramble (probably too much) but it’s just me going off on tangents with the descriptions.

3. Are there any writers that inspire you?

If we’re talking on tumblr then absolutely! I have to shout out @softanon who has the most beautiful prose for fluff I’ve ever seen. Dia knocks it out of the park every time. And     As well as just anyone on the server. You’re all such amazing talents in anything you guys do. If we’re talking literary wise then Emily Dickinson, Sandra Cisneros, and Joan Didion.

4. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

I’ve got two. Black Velvet with Din Djarin because of how much effort I put into that story and how much people fell in love with it when I really didn’t expect it. And Hurt with Joel Miller. That is my “sit at the typewriter and bleed” story. It’s got pieces of me throughout the whole thing. Not all of me, but most. I haven’t written the all of me story yet; it’s hiding in my drafts at the moment.

5. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write and which do you find most difficult to write?

Easiest would probably be any of the Moon Knight bois (Jake Lockley more than others), Tommy Miller, and Mickey “Fanboy” Garcia. They’re so easy to fall into when writing. Difficult would be Jake “Hangman” Seresin, Miguel O’Hara, and Santiago “Pope” Garcia. They’re just hard to pin down sometimes which is why I’ve been stalling on their fics the most.

6. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

Tommy Miller and the damn apocalypse. That man snuck up on me and now I can’t stop churning out fic after fic.

7. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about!

I have a folder of literally just WIPs, but one that keeps calling out to me is a series with Joel Miller set in regency times called Featherstone. It’s heavily based on Pride & Prejudice but also Jo and Laurie’s relationship in Little Women. I also have some fics for new characters in the works, but they’re nowhere near close to being written.

8. First fandom you ever wrote for?

Marvel! Specifically Bucky Barnes. And even though I don’t really write for him anymore I’ve still got a soft spot for the man. He’s the OG.

9. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

I don’t even think I can call this guilty, but hurt comfort is my shit. It’s my main bitch, the one I’ll run to every time. Again with the angst, but man I never quite get the feeling of pure love from fluff fics the way I do with hurt comfort.

10. A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

The noncon trope in fics. It’s just not my cup of tea so I’m not going to attempt it. But I do want to attempt fics that might have a darker edge to them.

11. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

I’m dragging up old shit I should probably delete after this, but on my Star Wars blog I wrote a crack fic. I’m talking completely insane to a point where I must have lost my mind. But basically it's the canon universe, but they somehow end up in a variety of musicals along the way. IT’S HORRIBLE.

12. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

Romantic. I find it’s more fun to get to play with that dynamic because of how much fluff or angst I could add into it.

13. Do you listen to anything while you write?

Silence is sometimes the worst thing for me when writing fics. So I’ve got a multitude of playlists either made specifically for the story or just one I found that fits the vibes.

14. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

Yes. Although I’m prone to multi-chaptered cause I’m a rambling bitch through and through.

15. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

So many of my fics wind up with drabbles and blurbs of just side adventures. I’ve come up with some side stories for my 

16. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

Darker fics as I said before. I love the idea of digging into a character in a dark way. I have a fic that I’m attempting to do that with, but I think I keep psyching myself out when it comes time to write it.

17. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

I’ve received so many nice comments from people who are probably the reason why I am still writing here. But I remember a mutual of mine who isn’t active here anymore, would go through my fics and list favorite lines and then recommend songs they felt went with it. And many of the songs I still have saved because of it.

18. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

I participated in an October challenge hosted by my incredible moot @inklore and while I’m “finishing” the fics (I really am) I had never participated in a challenge before. And especially one that allowed me to sort of delve into dark fics a bit. It was nerve wracking to say the least.

19. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

Merciless angst is my bread and butter. I honestly find it so cathartic to write and read compared to fluff. In my opinion fluff is so much harder for me to write and I struggle to like what comes from it.

20. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

I have a massive list of OCs. Some for fics, some for novels. My Star Wars OC is a favorite due to the nature of how she became the way she is. But I’m always tender-hearted towards my novel OCs. Rosemary and D’Arcy are two that I’m hopelessly in love with and I haven’t even written most of their story. Which I’ll shamelessly promote my original works sideblog @/persephonesprose for them.

21. If you could enter the universe of any one of your fics, which would it be and why?

I wanted to say my Joel fic Hurt, but that’s the apocalypse so I’m going to avoid that. I am gonna say Black Velvet my Din Djarin bartender story. That’s a dream honestly.

22. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

I am the human embodiment of Coraline’s dad on the computer. Even if I really love the scene I am writing. My writing process is chaos really. Usually it happens in the late night/early morning hours. I do always have to listen to music that fits the vibe of the fic or else I can’t write it.

23. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

A question like this makes me forget everything I’ve ever written, but this is from a recent Steven Grant fic:

“With Steven you felt like you existed on a different plane. Problems were nonexistent. Humanity became an afterthought, and the possibility of anything flourished like a flower at the start of spring. Bright and beautiful and full of endless potential.”

24. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

Writing fics on Tumblr changed my writing life permanently. It gave me permission to be fun and free and unhinged with some of the most outlandish ideas I’ve come up with. I’ve gotten to meet some of my favorite people because of it and it’s just so fucking fun. So if anyone wants to start writing fics, just go for it. It’s scary and you’re gonna be a nervous wreck for the first week, but you might just have the time of your life.