my 21 hour long video essay on people who make ‘realistic’ D&D plugins
by someone who worked on one of said ‘realistic’ D&D plugins.
You want to play Warhammer Fantasy RPG 2nd or 4th Edition, or Symbaroum, or The Witcher RPG, or Zweihander if you’re a bootlicker. Please stop lying to yourself and making whole-ass RPGs for free.
I fucking despise D&D but please understand that mechanics exist in the way they do for a reason. It’s not a good reason, but let’s take it from the top:
1. Hit Points AKA Meat Points AKA shit morons fight over that don’t matter
HP is metric of measuring how much you can fail. In the world of D&D failing is being in melee combat.
No for real in D&D throughout the editions everything is better at melee combat than you, usually because it’s bigger, which means it has higher strength so it hits more and deals more damage. The only time this wasn’t the case was in D&D 4e because it had roles which dictated a bunch of stuff about your character so being good at something meant you picked the right role.
So your hit points measure how many times you can make mistakes, which is to say being hit and taking damage. They start off low at low levels and increase at an entirely random rate depending your edition, but hypothetically you get more so you can survive stronger encounters out in the world.
This is the part of the game that’s actually been optimized by developers so it’s like, semi-functional. It’s so fucking functional that there is a literal table for generic monsters in the DMG page 273 of the 5e PHB that will let you wing monsters on the fly (this looks awful scroll really quickly)
These are like reasonably competent numbers (though they kinda suck ass to fight) and are roughly adjusted to the DPR of the average 5e party that isn’t sandbagging. Again, only part of the game that like, functions.
But people just insist in sticking their dick in it.
Every time they either massively reduce HP, make it so there’s an alternative type of HP that also goes down that you have less of which kills you, or they just add more stuff that kills you, or they massively increase damage.
This is for the sake of ‘realism’ because ‘how are you getting better at tanking sword blows’ but nobody ever applies the ideas in reverse, like ‘how are you stabbing through full plate’ or ‘how are you hurting a creature made entirely of stone with a rapier’. Sometimes the Peter Jackson Lord of the Rings trilogy comes up, as if D&D is a game about being Tolkienesque heroes, and they all conveniently ignore the scene with the cave troll where the entire fellowship team up and beat it to death in roughly twice the time it takes for the average D&D party to carve up a similar creature.
So they want you to be able to fuck up less and take the consequences for it. The problem is that the game is founded on randomness, and especially in 5e, there’s very few ways to ‘rig’ outcomes without spells and magic. In order to make HP more ‘realistic’ there needs to be ways to avoid failing. In a game like Warhammer or GURPS you’d use cover, employ ranged combat, aim your weapons carefully, and attempt to attack from stealth or ambush your targets, aiming for vital points to deal with them swiftly. While cover exists in 5e, there are no hard stealth rules, and ambushing is a uh...
TOTAL NONSTARTER OH BOY
Which means that it’ll take up more design space (which we will cover in a bit)
Oh and nobody applies these changes to monsters for the most part, which means player characters have a bad habit of dying due to leveling up.
2. Armor Class (you are a boat)
Yeah say it with me everyone ‘this mechanic is from an obscure game about civil war ironclads and your characters are boats’. Fun fact, armor class hypothetically works in 5e and this wasn’t fucking intentional. A lot of people noticed early on that to-hit numbers as you leveled vs AC was a steady 65% hit chance, which was like super cool and modular and totally a departure from 3rd edition where numbers got big n’ stuff, which made it good, and it meant you didn’t need magic items to keep your hit rate competitive. That was called Bounded Accuracy. Bounded Accuracy is a fucking lie and you need magic items because the upper half of the monster manual will laugh you out of the room if you aren’t rocking a +15 to hit and magic weapons. Literally, it’s such a lie that it’s disproven in the PHB, since Archery Style gives a bonus to hit outside the normal hit rate.
Which leads me into the first part of why people have so much of a hard time with AC: morons give their players magic items, surprised the magic items make their players powerful. D&D has a lot of AC boosting magic items, and this is intentional, as AC is your primary defense against damage. That’s why there’s spell that gives a +5 bonus to AC on reaction. What people don’t get is if you give players a magic suit of armor, a magic shield, and a ring of deflection, that you’ve basically given them the medieval equivalent of a wearable bunker and a magic force field against anything that would harm them. You’ve made the player linearly more powerful. now instead of having an AC of 20 they have an AC of 24 and that means a lot, that’s a 40% survivability increase, and it crosses a lot of important thresholds that mean mundane people don’t stand a chance against you (not that they did anyways).
The second part of why people are morons about AC is that AC doesn’t make sense outside of an abstracted context. Dexterity (how good you are with your hands) makes you better at dodging attacks with your whole body somehow so you get an AC bonus from that, but if you wear heavy armor you also get AC from that, and that doesn’t make sense because you’re not harder to hit so much as you’re harder to hurt. Except, you know, fighting in plate is about getting your opponent to the ground (prone, which coincidentally gives advantage), grappling them, and then stabbing a bunch of tiny little gaps on their body until you do enough damage to make them stop or make them bleed out. Those gaps are coincidentally very hard to hit normally.
And you know, actually, when you get down to it, dodging is a horrible way to avoid attacks, it takes a lot of energy and is tiring, it moves you around a lot and puts you out of position often. Often you want to deflect or parry incoming attacks while attacking with your own attacks. And if those attacks get through, it’d just be better to be wearing a suit of armor that just...deflects the blows away from all those tiny narrow gaps in the armor by how the armor is built.
But anyways clearly armor class doesn’t make sense because the armor preventing my attack from getting through...wouldn’t...prevent my attack from getting through if I just hit the armor. It’s the Morrowind argument of ‘I made the models intersect why didn’t I do damage’ but in tabletop format jesus christ.
Look this guy hit dead on and did fuckall, you can see the sword fucking bending backwards because he also fucked the edge alignment.
See, funnily enough this was less abstracted in 3rd edition, since you had your total AC, your AC without your Dexterity Bonus or any other dodging based bonuses (Flatfooted) and your AC without your armor bonuses (Touch) which certain special attacks targeted but you know, babies going out with bathwater.
The reason it all works like this is so the game runs faster, by the way. Rolling to-hit vs a semi-static target number means you can run the game faster and spend less hours of your life doing the combat and more of your life roleplaying. You wouldn’t get that from how long combat usually takes but that’s because even before we had phones to be distracted by people would be playing smash bros at the session while other people did their turns. Otherwise you can get too granular with a system like this, because of all the raw factors that can go into a fight. You need a level of abstraction to keep shit snappy.
This isn’t helped by the fact that 3rd edition onward had Damage Reduction which is such a fiddly fucking mechanic that everyone immediately latches onto as a replacement for armor
3. There aren’t a bunch of other mechanics to the combat because morons rightly disliked how badly 3rd edition managed those options
3rd edition dropped the ball. I have two posts people like to give me notifications about. But tl;dr it has a whole ass system where you could do combat maneuvers in place of attacks so you could do cool shit like take a dude’s sword, stab them with it, and throw it at someone else. It just took a billion feats to get there and you needed to be high enough level that that kind of trick didn’t much matter.
So to make D&D combat more realistic you have to re-implement all the shit that was taken out and put on the Battlemaster Fighter only, but now that we have a dichotomy of ‘Fighter who identifies as being good at fighting’ (Battlemaster), ‘Fighter who identifies as being bad at D&D’ (Champion), and ‘Fighter that identifies as being good at D&D’ (Eldritch Knight), you have to re-implement these features without shitting on Battlemaster.
So in order to make the game meaningfully interesting you have to struggle to re-implement all of these mechanics
Which you aren’t gonna do or do particularly well, and it won’t fix the fact that the Wizard player will still fuck your game over a barrel and not call back the next night.
So why the fuck are we here
I’m not one to victim blame but you clicked read more.
We’re here because you should play a different fucking game if you want realism. I’m serious. Fuck like, I could summarize my entire blog with this:
I keep seeing people wasting massive amounts of design talent on a game that will not love them back, toiling away miserably trying to make a game into something it’s not. Also because D&D’s core assumptions of shit are flawed and built on horrible legacy bullshit, but that’s more shit for another post.
D&D is your bargain bin scaling fantasy game. It doesn’t do anything else:
TL;DR
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A Breakdown of WotC’s OGL 1.1
Here’s some things to consider:
If you created any 5e stuff under OGL 1.0, you can’t keep creating it and the agreement that protected you from copyright lawsuits is “unauthorized”.
But LT, they can’t copyright mechanics!
Yes and no. They can’t copyright a d20. They can’t copyright a character having ability scores, or skills, or rounds of combat. But they can copyright the way it’s presented, and they can copyright the whole framework of all those individual mechanics. So no, scrubbing mentions of 5e out of your work isn’t going to protect you necessarily. Case in point:
This doesn’t just affect indie creators.
So yeah. Pathfinder in jeopardy, folks. And in case you thought the new OGL wasn’t explicitly trying to spite Paizo:
You cannot opt out of the new OGL.
If you create anything other than a print or digital ttrpg book, you cannot sell anything affiliated with DnD. Non-commercial use only.
So nice of them to give creators time to get their products updated:
Jan 13. That’s in 8 days, if you’re counting. I personally have a dozen products that would need to be submitted to the new OGL in that time frame, or changed so much that they don’t violate it. It’s over 1000 pages. To comply with the OGL, I would have to list every single thing that was covered by the original OGL and distinguish it from my original content.
I have a day job. Most creators in this industry have day jobs. This is an unreasonably short amount of time to get into compliance (which I don’t recommend anyway, for reasons we’ll discuss shortly).
Tiers of the Commercial License
So, that Expert Tier: Paizo is gonna fall in that. And if they want a custom deal that doesn’t force them to turn over 25% of their profits to WotC, WotC has to initiate it and set the terms.
Here’s the big kicker. Community surveillance. They’re relying on reporting of people who don’t register stuff. It’s meant to scare folks into compliance, most likely, and it will work. Most small creators couldn’t afford the legal fees if WotC decided to sue, and so have to decide if it’s worth the risk to keep selling without registering. The reason this is a big red flag is because they own, in perpetuity, your stuff. And they can change or revoke the agreement whenever they want.
They covered crowdfunding too:
TL;DR: The new OGL 1.1 is bad for creators and in line with WotC’s goal of wringing profits from DnD.
Source
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Me making DnD characters:
Expectation: Okay, this character is a Phoenix aarakocra wildfire druid. She has only vague memories of past lives but just wanders around doing good and helping people! So when I play her she’ll probably be pragmatic, patient, and wise.
Reality: Furious, feral bird woman rampages against the institutions of the world and wants to burn down everything.
Expectation: Okay, this drow fighter has been held prisoner, tortured, manipulated, and has had the lines of reality blurred so much she doesn’t know what’s real. She’ll be angry, mistrustful, and broody.
Reality: Absolutely in love with life and it’s beauty, the sweetest little ray of sunshine. Utterly charms everyone she meets and delights in learning new things.
Expectation: A dragon spy posing as a courtesan and socialite in their tiefling form, tasked with spying on another party member who carries a dragon tooth axe. They’ll be cool, collected, and very suave. They’ll change allegiance to the party after a long time of bonding and building trust.
Reality: A nerdy disaster who doesn’t know how to process their feelings, who gets tongue tied the moment their first crush smiles at them and changes allegiance to the party in under five sessions.
My betrothed: What’s your next characters personality gonna be?
Me: Fuck if I know. Guess we’ll find out together.
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while I'm here, i will post my beloved magpie! I've gotten to play her for a long while now, going on nearly 2 years i think! some rambling under the cut bc i like her u_u ♡
magpie's a rogue/archfey warlock whose patron is a noble of the winter court called "the lady of fallen snow." it's a tiny bit funny- her favorite seasons were always spring and summer. though, the stinging cold doesn't seem to bother her as much lately. maybe winter's been growing on her.
she used to like to collect little trinkets and odds n ends, but lately she's been a bit busy with the ramifications of their party's actions and whatnot.
another thing she used to be was silly and reckless, more concerned broadly with having fun than things like rules or consequences. one of her guiding philosophies used to be that there wasn't any sort of trouble she couldn't get herself out of. that was easy enough to say when she was the only one affected by her troublemaking. not so much when she has friends she cares about and their blinding optimism has landed them in mortal danger more than a few times.
being responsible and practical isn't necessarily her strong suit, but she's been giving it her most honest try.
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