#trying to undermine her somehow??

[nattousan]

when

whe you, when You were just trying to put i n some extra effort to try adn improve yoursel f and it got misinterpreted as malicious n u get yell ed at

[sabertoothwalrus]

Your tags on the Elven Queen vs Laois "close to a mixed race child" and the differences and. The fact that Marcille as well half elf head magic advisor, him canonically wanting his misfit friends help him run the country (whether capable or not). She can't even pull the "older and wiser" card with Yaad "I'm older then all you long life races" around. She thinks about how somehow this all boils into a fairly successful kingdom and gets a migraine

Godddd I spent so much time thinking about dungeon meshi politics yesterday.

I genuinely don’t think the Queen of Elves would have a change of heart towards mixed-blood people. I think it would stress Kabru the FUCK out because the political tensions this would cause (but also he’d be a smug about making the elves angry, serves them right.)

The dwarves are a different story. Even if the King also hated mixed-bloods, most dwarves look to their local governance than the King. It’s also common for dwarves & gnomes to have families together, so at the very least, dwarves are accepting mixed-bloods as long as they’re both long lived races.

Even if they weren’t, it’d be funny if dwarves became more progressive culturally just because they hate elves so much shfhshdhsjs AGAIN. THE POLITICAL IMPLICATIONS OF THIS.

Imagine. Marcille feeling guilty and targeted simply for being mixed-blood on a royal council. Trying not to feel like her whole existence is undermining the legitimacy of Laios’s new kingdom.

And the worst part? she’s GAY

LIKE!!! we don’t know how accepting this world is of gay people. And ngl I sometimes think it’s more interesting when stories have homophobia. We know the village the Toudens grew up in was fairly conservative. We know Otta is a canonical lesbian, but she was, yknow… arrested.

What if Laios, wishing the best for his little sister and one of his closest friends, legalizes gay marriage in Melini. What if their marriage isn’t recognized in other countries? What if people start to move to Melini BECAUSE they want to get married. What if Melini is seen as some silly, backwards, laughing-stock of a kingdom. God, Kabru would be like “listen I love what we’re doing here but I’m trying not to start an outright WAR. 😭”

Oh god I haven’t even touched on Falin’s chimerism. That’s probably also a sore subject. WHEW!

[ellestra]

The Voice from the Outer World

Dune is a story of failure. SPOILERS for Dune Part 2 below

Power corrupts and all of that. We all know this. So we would be able to avoid it, right? If you know what happens you can chose another option. You would be different.

And here's a story that shows that even when you know all of this and more and can literally see the future it's still not enough.

I get why people often think that to avoid this the person in power shouldn't want that power. That this would make them somehow immune. And this logic has multiple faults (like - how can you be good at doing something you hate?) and one of them is that just not wanting to abuse power doesn't mean you would do right things with it.

We are reminded multiple times in the film (and the books also aren't shy about it) that Fremen religious belief in a saviour is not something that arose naturally. It's a belief seeded by Bene Gesserit's Missionaria Protectiva. They seeded superstitions and myths in different cultures so they could use them in a future emergency. Everything Fremen believe about their Mahdi was created so their faith could be used by a Bene Gesserit in need. And both Jessica and Paul are aware of this even before they even set a foot on Arrakis.

It's specifically made for the saviour to be a foreign one (Lisan al-Gaib is The Voice from the Outer World) because the people who made and planned to use this prophecy were ones from an outsider culture. Paul doesn't hijack Fremen beliefs to insert himself as their white saviour. These beliefs was specifically created for someone like him to use.

It was made with purpose of hijacking Fremen religion into protecting the foreigners who know how this prophecy was constructed. This is a parasitic belief (cuckoo-like faith) and the truth doesn't set anyone free. We see why with Stilgar as he wants to believe so much that everything becomes a sign. Even when he's told this has been fabricated and he was manipulated he warps it into something that supports his beliefs not undermines them. I'm sure you've seen this in real life, in real politics if not religion.

Jessica and Chani got changed the most from their book versions. They've become opposite sides of the ideological divide. Not between religion and lack of it - Jessica obviously not a believer - but between using people and letting them decide their own future.

Book Jessica is more apprehensive of Paul's choices. She's often more worried he may not survive the trials than pushing for them for power. In here she becomes the driving force for using the messianic belief Bene Gesserit implanted for Paul's benefit. She makes sure Fremen believe he fits the story. She doesn't care about Paul's wishes to avoid this burden. She knows it doesn't matter when he tells the people the truth about Bene Gesserit, their abilities and their manipulation techniques. Belief is impervious to proof and confirmation bias makes you reject all evidence to the contrary.

But then, in the film, Jessica is kind of possessed. Stilgar warns Paul not to listen to the djinn but neither he nor his mother can stop listening to the voices. The film removes Alia's book doings but replaces them with foreshadowing of what she becomes. She whispers the truths about the future to her mother even before she is born. Funny, how this change makes her, not Paul, the first fully prescient Atreides. She is manipulating the events when Paul refuses to and that's a foreshadowing too. When Jessica took the Water of Life while pregnant she did it for the power this new position among the Fremen would give her. Alia never stood a chance. She was pre-born into this.

The only one trying to stand in the way of succumbing to the power corruption is movie version of Chani. She was never believer in a saviour. She wants her people to save themselves. They already have a plan for a better future that doesn't involve killing worlds for the Empire they never wanted anything to do with. They were not supposed to be warriors of the prophet. She sees this for what it is - a way to control her people. She understands this is just another form of enslavement. The only difference is that this one is embraced. No one listens to her when she tells them the truth. They only see what they want to see.

The power that comes from being close to the rule is just as blinding when you stand close to the throne as it is when you sit on it.

And the sad part is she knows she played a part in this happening to as she convinced Paul to give this a try. She didn't see the visions he saw so she hoped he can remain the person she fell in love with. When he submits to the way prescience shows him and takes over the faith we feel her heartbreak. She watches him becoming what he feared and everyone around him stops her from trying to save him because they get something out of it (not just the other Fremen or Jessica - Gurney puts atomic arsenal in Paul's hands).

Paul doesn't bring freedom. He just changes who holds the power but in the end the structures of power remain (the similarities between Saudarkar and Fremen are not accidental). And billions die so it can happen. But billions is a an abstract number. It's much easier to feel the consequences when they hit close and personal.

Everyone around Paul gets to gain something - Gurney gets revenge on Rabban, Jessica and Stilgar get to destroy the Harkonnens and the Emperor. They are on top now. The power corrupts before you even hold it. Just the promise of power is enough.

This film version of Chani doesn't let us forget that this is what we watch. That what is happening is not a good thing. We as humans have tendency to gloss over big numbers of deaths when it's some unseen people with whom we have no emotional connections. Through her eyes the loss is so much more personal. She loses her Usul to Paul Muad'Dib. And he takes her people and her planet too.

As Paul says - they are Harkonnens too. And they do what Harkonnens do too. The difference was always cosmetic.

And one more thing. A lot is said about Arabic and Muslim influences in Fremen culture and religion but they aren't the only ones. One other is the word used for the places where Fremen live - Sietch. It comes from Zaporozhian Cossack name for their fortified encampments - sich.

In the West the name Cossacks invokes the cruel Russian Imperial forces that tsars used to pacify conquered territories. But this is not what comes to my mind first. In the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth they were free people living in the borderlands of the Commonwealth on the territories often attacked by the Ottomans. The constant raids from the Turks meant they were warriors and constantly moving. But this also allowed for a lot of freedom as there wasn't a lot of direct control over these territories for the same reason. This meant that they were often joined by anyone wishing to have that freedom - from peasants escaping indenture to nobles escaping the law.

The dissatisfaction with the Polish rule eventually lead to an uprising and this part of Ukraine joined Russian Empire. That Empire destroyed all the freedoms Cossacks had and those independent warriors became just another enforcers of conformity for the Empire. They've become exactly what they fought against. I often wondered if Herbert chose the name Sietch intentionally to invoke this turn of events.

[sashiavi]

my pretty bestie put this filthy idea into my head with their amazing new Sambastian x Reader Fic - I'm begging you to read it ♡♡

This is lowkey a response to it but it can be stand alone maybe I think-

Stardew Valley Sam x Reader x Sebastian

Warnings : 18+ Smut | threesome | sloppy seconds | afab reader | bit of spit | breeding | creampie | not beta read its 1am and risa has a migraine rahah >:) ʷᵒʳᵈ ᶜᵒᵘⁿᵗ ¹.³k

Yoba, weren't you just a treat. Sam couldn't stop the filthy dribble of words that leaked from his lips, undermining you to just his little sweet thing.

All pretty and fucked out on Sebastian's crinkled sheets, cheeks flushed, chest heaving hard while you smile so sweet and stupidly at him. Your head lulls in Sebastian's lap, thoroughly blissed with the brutal fucking he'd laid out barely moments before. Sam palms his hands over the soft flesh of your thighs, warm fingers now cool in comparison to your hot skin. He spreads your legs, hushing down any mindless resistance you may have for him.

"S' my turn now- Yeah?" Sam practically slurs. A breathless chuckle comes from the other man; Sebastian, effortlessly shifting you up for Sammy, holding you for him, showing you off.

Sam nearly moans at the sight of your juicy, ruined cunt. Drooling with Sebastian's thick and creamy cum, already making a sticky mess down your gooch. Eloquent as ever, Sam.

The twinge in his cock forces a hot dribble of pre out of his pudgy head, the poor boy struggles to snap his mouth shut, breathing out in a low 'ohh'.

"You gonna stare at her-? or fuck her?" Sebastian can't help but tease, two fingers coming down in a V shape, outlining the creamy mess of your cunt for Sam. The keening whine you give him forces his eyes to roll, chin tipping upward to swallow down the building saliva, pooling up under his tongue. Your body retracts back into Sebastian's, still somehow embarrassed despite being rooted in front of Sam barely moments before.

"Give her a kiss, Sammy" Sebastian cooes again, ego surely inflated as if Sam hadn't had his own lips on him while the brooding asshole had you fucked stupid between them. Despite Sebastian's teasing he obliges, swatting haphazardly in the other's direction, getting up close to your swollen bitten lips. His cock catches against the swollen lips of your cunt as his tongue takes to your mouth. He kisses you hard, teeth biting into your lips, catching onto your tongue to suckle and bite at while his hips crane into your own.

"S-sham-!" You slur on his lips, words coated in drool, spitting from your lips when you try to talk. Sam smushes your lips in another kiss, urging you right back into lapping on his tongue.

Fuck, he could stick it right in right now. Juuust angle his hips right and slip into that tight, wet little hole his beloved friend had so graciously stretched up for him. Sam's cock was fat and meaty and he knew it, drooping down, barely even standing tall when he was fully hard. His pudgy head smears all the yummy goop dribbling from your cunt. He groans when you lean into him, licking back into his mouth, tilting your hips up for him to snag on to your pussy.

His fat tip finally, finally pushes in, thick mushroom head locking into the milky squeeze of your hole.

"That's it, Baby- Thaaat's it.. Fuck. Oh fuck..." Sam whines against your lips, tongue back in your mouth as he eagerly humps against your sticky pussy. Sebastian groans behind you, hands on your tits already, pinching and twiddling at your nipples, squeezing and groping at the soft swell of your chest.

Fuck, you were sloppy on his cock, gushy fucking pussy leaving a thick, creamy ring around him. Yoba he wants you to squeeze him, keep all that fucking cum up inside you, use him to push it all back in.

Sam pops off of your lips with a loud smack, throwing his head back, working his hips with such a feat of heated passion, languid in his movement. Godamn he'd been missing out, watching Sebastian steal away your precious pussy from him, finally it was his fucking turn. Sam braces his hands on your hips, digging his blunt fingernails into your skin, pinning your pussy down for him to mount and grind into.

He watches your head throw back on to Sebastian's shoulder, throat vibrating with a high whine, pretty tears pebbling in your under eye.

"Sammyyyy~" You moan into Sebastian's ear, your teeth connected with a shiny strand of drool when you open up your mouth. The other man tuts, underlined with an undeniable sense of mock affection, cooing a little 'awhh' into your cheek, dangerously faux. His veiny hand trails up your body, lengthy fingers hooking under your throat. He practically yanks your head down, the tips of his fingers threatening to pop your jaw out.

"Watch him, Baby." Sebastian's voice drops to a low growl. Sam can't help but also follow his instructions, craning his head down to watch his fat, chubby length squish in and out of your swollen and pudgy pussy. Fuck, that creamy bubbly slick dribbling all over the place, sticking to his balls in stringy webs everytime his hips snapped right into your own. God he can't help but spit on it, adding to the absolute mess in your lap, hot globs of drool right on your perky budding clit while he fucks you into his best friend's lap.

"Fuck- Shit m' close.." Sam ups his pace, eyes never leaving the hot swell of your stretched up hole, wrapping so, so fucking prettily around his girth. Sebastian's other hand creeps down your torso, toying with your belly, purposely running his fingers down in comical steps right down to that slick and spit covered clit of yours.

Sammy-! Seb- f..fUCK!" Your little voice cries when Sebastian finally rubs mean, tight circles into your clit, pace chaotic and all too much for you to handle quietly. Your moans grow louder, practically echoing through Sebastian's basement room, your legs trying and failing to snap back together, permanently caged apart by Sam's hips.

Sam could tell you were coming close- and godamn did it feel good, that subtle quiver, squeezing on his cock in cute little pulses accompanied by your sweet, sweet moans. He snaps his head up at a particularly loud squeal, finding Sebastian's teeth sunken into your neck, lips suckling hard bruises on your skin. The other man's purple eyes match with his own, craning up to look through his eye brows. He's nearly embarrassed to admit that it nearly sends him fully over the edge, but what truly does it is that sweet, sweet squeal that ripples from your throat.

God your cunt squeezed on him good. Sam's fingers dig harder into your hips, grinding his own hard into your poor clit, squishing Sebastian's fingers between the two of you. Fuck, the gush of your pussy on his cock, practically squirting a hot mess all over his balls, forcing him to breed the shit out of you - really, you were asking for it.

Sam cums with a bite to his lip and a strangled groan, hips snapping heavy and hard, riding out the tight squeeze of your cunt. Now you were just milking him, sucking up all the filthy cum from him and Sebastian like a dirty slut. He makes sure his pudgy tip pushes up on your cervix as he blows hot ropes of cum inside of you, practically emptying his balls up in your womb. Fuck- think of that- watching your belly swell with God knows who's kid.

Sam swears his ears ring, brain too mushy to even think straight, barely registering the little whines and cries of 'it's t' much!' from your pretty lips. He finally steadys himself, plugging up your puffy hole with his chubby girth, keeping all that yummy batter all up in your pussy.

He sighs, his airy breath tinged in a whine of his own voice, body flopping down on top of both you and Sebastian. Despite your protests he just nuzzles into your bruised up neck, pressing a wet kiss behind your ear, even sneaking one on Sebastian's chin before letting out a fake snore.

Sebastian snorts and shoves his shoulder, feigning annoyance at the sleepy golden retriever of a man, also ignoring your protests to get off, instead wrapping his arms around you with a low chuckle in his chest.

[pretty-little-mind33]

Pietro Maximoff x mutant fem!reader

Summary: You hate Pietro for how he treats you, or at least you do until you're stuck in an elevator with him.

Genre: hurt and comfort, enemies to lovers (only they aren't "enemies") <3

Warnings: Pietro is a dick in the beginning, panic attacks, claustrophobia, swearing, i use Czech to represent Sokovian (probably shitty translation)

~ thank you for requesting @princesssunderworld! loved this prompt sm! i wrote this for Pietro because we need more Pietro content asap and i have so many wips for Tangerine already! I hope you like this! ~

PIETRO MAXIMOFF MASTERLIST

Pietro Maximoff is quite possibly your worst nightmare. 

While he does have the face of an angel, all doe-eyed and charming smile, he somehow manages to make your life a living hell. He's like some beautiful, insufferable, devil that constantly insists on sitting promptly on your shoulder. 

Mostly, he spends his days finding any excuse to either argue with you or undermine you. During training, he constantly makes snarky comments on your form and purposefully speeds by you to knock you on your ass. He'll always wear the same smirk when you chew him out, almost like he's amused and you despise it.

You hate him. 

And most of all, you hate how it makes you feel. How he makes your cheeks feel warmer and that unfamiliar feeling bubble in your stomach. 

Wanda tries to convince you he has a school-boy crush on you—like some little boy who likes pulling little girls' hair on the playground. You don't want to hear it. He's a grown man now, not a boy anymore. If he has a crush, he should deal with it like an adult. 

One afternoon, Pietro had just pulled one of his so-called pranks on you, causing you to walk under a bucket of cold water and successfully drenching you and rendering the flames that usually spark from your hands from your anger into smoke.

The Avengers in the room training grow silent as Pietro, sitting on the weightlifting bench, bursts into laughter. 

"Pietro!" Wanda shrieks, immediately rushing to you from where she'd been talking to Vision but you shake your head, frustrated tears threatening to brim in your eyes.

You send Pietro a glare and storm out of the room, shaking your wet sleeves. 

You're too busy mumbling curses under your breath to hear Wanda shout at her twin brother as you furiously press the elevator button. When the doors opens you do hear his voice, however, "Y/n! Princezna (Princess)!" 

You rush into the elevator and spin around, pressing the close button as fast as you can but obviously, Pietro is much faster.

He reaches you before the doors close, almost slamming into you as his body vibrates from the aftermath of his powers. His hand comes up behind your head instinctively so you don't hit your head against the wall and he glances down at you, his blue eyes piercing into yours. 

You push him away just as the elevator wobbles and the sound of something snapping is heard. Pietro's speed must have somehow messed up the elevator system because the elevator starts to fall. 

You gasp, reaching for the only other person in the elevator,  and Pietro is by your side in an instant, crouching you both into one corner, his arms tightening around your waist as the elevator falls three stories and then halts with a loud screech.

Your mutation sometimes manifests when you're stressed, so you barely even register that you've set a part of Pietro's sleeve on fire from where you're clutching his arm until the sprinkler in the elevator turns on, soaking you both. 

"Hey, miláček (darling)," Pietro holds one of your cheeks in his hand, his voice uncharacteristically soft as he sees the white cloud in your eyes disappear and you blink. "You're okay." You're breathing heavily now, staring at him until you snap and push him away, curling your arms around your knees.

You look at the elevator panel only to see it's broken. Pietro is trying his hardest to pry the doors open, but even with his speed, they remain shut.

"Fuck Tony Stark," Pietro groans and slumps to the ground in front of you, running a hand in his silver hair as he sends you a lopsided grin. "You okay, princezna (princess)?" 

You glare at him. 

Pietro lifts his arms in surrender. 

You check your watch. The team should realize something went wrong and rescue you at any moment. You'll be fine, you try reminding yourself but the walls seem to be pressing in faster and faster. You feel dizzy as tears blur your vision and you haven't realized that you've started hyperventilating until Pietro touches your arm. 

You gasp again and look up at him, frightened. His expression softens as he kneels in front of you, looking you over. He looks concerned, which is a first.

"I- I can't breathe," you manage to croak out, your voice strained. As much as you don't want to turn to Pietro for help, you need him. 

Pietro nods, understanding your panic now. He soothes you and holds out his palm. "Breathe. It's okay. You're safe," he says and shakes his palm a little. He wants you to hold his hand. 

You sniffle, still having trouble breathing correctly as your fingers stroke against Pietro's palm and he smiles. His skin is warm and the shock centers you for a moment.

"There. I'm right here, miláček (darling)," he pauses and his hand vibrates a little, controlling his powers just enough so that he can show you he's here. 

The sensation elicits a laugh from you as you look up at him, matching the breathing he's showing you. Pietro's smile widens, his heart only half-breaking from the tears brimming in your eyes and he resists the urge to wipe your cheeks. 

"Shhh, there you go. Breathe. Dýchej, anděli, dýchej (Breathe, angel, breathe)."

Minutes later, Wanda is fussing over you as you sit in the lounge room after Tony rescued you and Pietro. She wraps a towel around your shoulders.

"Are you okay?" She keeps repeating as she ignores her equally wrecked-looking brother standing in the corner as Clint and Steve talk to him. You nod, eyes round from the entire ordeal. 

"Did he make it worse? Because I'll kill him—"

You shake your head, glancing at Pietro. Your cheeks burn hot when you catch his gaze and you snap your head back to Wanda, who just looks confused. 

"No– he helped me," you whisper, watching realization sparkle in her eyes. 

Still, she doesn't say anything.  

* * *

Pietro isn't awful to you anymore. He's the opposite. 

He's sweet. 

You find the shift weird so you avoid him. You avoid him until you physically can't anymore because he's blocking the door to the kitchen as you stand in the refrigerator light, a spoon stuck in your ice cream tub.

Your eyes widen as you look at him. He's wearing his pajamas as they hang just under his v-line, his hair a mess as he yawns. 

"What are you doing up, princezna (princess)?" he asks and walks over, grabbing another spoon and leaning against the counter, and shakes the spoon for you to share the ice cream. You hand him the tub, staring at him intensely.

"What?" Pietro smirks, his mouth full as he winces. "Sakra, je zima (Damn, it's cold)." 

"Thank you," you blurt out. You're a week late but you don't care.

Pietro raises an eyebrow. "For?"

"Helping me in the elevator. It meant a lot," you say, shifting nervously.

Pietro's smile softens and he sets the ice cream down, licking his lips. He walks over, cornering you into the counter but you don't feel threatened. You feel safe. He lifts his hand and hesitates at your cheek.

"Y'know, I'd be quite an asshole to let you suffer like that," he says in a whisper, his Sokovian accent thick as he chuckles. His fingers touch your skin and you shiver, your eyes widening. 

"Didn't stop you before," you mutter.

Pietro frowns. 

"Listen, anděl (angel), I know I haven't been the nicest to you but it's all been in good fun—it's nothing serious," he looks away a moment, searching for his words as he pauses. "I never meant to ever truly hurt you. I- I like you, Y/n. I just didn't know how to tell you so the teasing was easier for me."

You tilt your head, taking in his words. "What was your plan then, Pietro? Make me dislike you so somehow I'd turn around and like you after? That doesn't make any fucking sense. You could have just been sweet like you're being now!"

Pietro looks at you again, his arms caging you in now as his hands flex around the counter. "My feelings for you make no fucking sense," he argues, his eyes locked on yours. "I hate them. I hate how they make me act like a fool when all I want to do is kiss you and hold you close. Vše, co chci, je milovat tě (All I want to do is love you)."

You never wanted to admit it but you love it when he speaks Sokovian and you calm your breathing as your eyes shut. Pietro leans in, his breath ghosting yours. "One word. Say the word and I'll stop. I'll stop everything. I'll leave you alone."

You open your mouth, your eyes following, and you whisper. "Kiss me."

Pietro wastes no time in kissing you, claiming your lips as his own as his hand tightens around your waist. He's pulling you in closer, your body warms so hard as your hands find his cheeks that you're afraid you'll burn him and you try pulling away from him. 

"You won't hurt me," Pietro whispers through his kisses as he refuses to let you go. "I can take it."

You gasp into his mouth as your hands find his hair, pulling on the strands. This feels so unfamiliar and yet, you've never kissed anyone like this. 

Finally, Pietro pulls away and he leans his head on your warm forehead as you catch your breath. 

"Wanda mi dluží dvacet babek (Wanda owes me twenty bucks)," he whispers, mostly to himself as a lovesick smile graces his features. "Moje. Jsi můj. (Mine. You're mine)."

"What are you saying?" you ask, looking into his icy blue eyes you once 'hated' so much.

Pietro smiles and kisses your lips. He doesn't tell you what he means or how he feels. 

Not yet. 

tags: @kravensgirl, @brokeaesthetic, @sayitlikethecheese, @lqrlei

[lemonhemlock]

the reason why i don't think blood & cheese works without maelor is because it undermines the gravity of helaena's choice

in the books, as we all know, she has to choose which son to sacrifice. blood & cheese are going to kill one either way, so, whatever happens, if you want to get cynical about it, aegon will still be left with a male heir of his body. no, the horribleness of the choice lies not really in dynastic matters, but in basic humanity: which of your children are you willing to condemn to death? and helaena truly does try to make the best out of a bad situation, she picks not because she loves jaehaerys more, but because maelor is so tiny that she hopes he won't understand what's going to happen to him.

and she absolutely has to choose, because b&c threaten to rape her daughter if she doesn't. it's psychological torture. b&c just want to fuck her up in the head as much as possible and helaena tries her goddamnest to minimize the harm done to her family. to further compound on the tragedy, b&c kill the opposite child, so now she has to live out the rest of her days knowing that the son left alive is the son SHE herself marked for the axe. which is what understandably drives her to lose her mind

now, in the show, the "problem" blood & cheese have doesn't exist at all: that they can't supposedly tell the twins apart. but (as awful as it sounds, since it involves sexual assault) they could very easily check which child has male genitalia and be done with it. it's a "problem" that takes literal seconds to solve. they don't need helaena at all! it becomes irrelevant which child she points towards - b&c can always just check! she can't save jaehaerys in this situation no matter what she does, because b&c were never interested in jaehaera in the first place. in the books, she has the ability to save one child and this exact horrible "agency" bestowed on her torments her for the rest of her days. in the show, even had she pointed towards jaehaera, it would have been a narrative plot hole for the writers to have killed her without checking

likewise, in the books, she begs them to kill her instead, but, in the show, she offers them a necklace? you can't deny that the dramatic stakes are lowered substantially by making that change. which one of these options would have been more filled with pathos? personally, it just feels like this was phia's moment to shine and, while she did a good job with what she had, every narrative choice was somehow made to subdue this horrible event and left her only crumbs to work with. cinematically-speaking, this scene (as it was executed) does not even come close to the iconic moments that cemented GoT into the collective consciousness, which is very strange, as the subject matter is anything but mediocre

and that's not even getting into the rest of the plot holes that others have already pointed out, like:

- why are there no guards at helaena's door or anywhere else for that matter? not just on that hallway, but on many other hallways, she has to run quite a lot to get to alicent's chambers

- why is her room unlocked at the very least

- why is ALICENT's room unlocked, for that matter? she is having secret guilty sex with criston and she forgets to lock her door in a castle full of spies? anyone could have walked in

- not even getting into this whole thing just being one huge misunderstanding + minimizing daemon's and mysaria's roles :))

- NOT EVEN mentioning removing the trauma of alicent witnessing all of this, gagged and bound on her own bed, not being able to help or intervene in any way

i can understand the likelihood of these elements happening sometimes (maybe someone does forget to lock their door from time to time, maybe a guard does shirk their duties from time to time), but you can't write all of them at once without it turning all looney tunes. if you introduce too many aspects that defy logic in your story, it ceases to be believable and just becomes bad writing

___________________________________________

also, "they killed <the boy>"? not "my son" or "jaehaerys"? it sounds so removed, don't you think? helaena out there on her mother's floor dropping exposition for the audience 🥲

[hoe4hotchner]

Hi! Congrats on 3k love! So well deserved.

Stressor with Professor!Aaron Hotchner who have to deal with one of his students (she/her!Reader) which is a complete brat during his classes 🫣 ❤️

Thank you!!! ❤️

The art of provoking | [A.H]

Pairing: Professor!Hotch x fem!Reader CW: Smut, MDNI, 18+, power play, age gap (consenting adults), Hotch is the king of consent, also the minister of making sure you're okay, bratty behaviour, teasing, piv, student/professor relationship, authority. WC: 4.5k

Summary: Professor Hotchner navigates the challenges of a bratty student who tests his patience while concealing a deeper desire beneath their banter.

I'm sweating, i'm panting, my nose is suddenly not stuffed anymore!!!! I'm laughing uncomfortably in a good way. I went so overboard with this one that the only thing i can say is bon appétit, enjoy this very delicious meal i'm serving for you.

Join my Profiling 101 - 3k follower celebration here

           The lecture hall was quiet as Professor Hotchner stood at the front, his voice steady as he explained the finer points of criminal law. His presence was commanding, as always, and his students hung on to his every word - well, almost all of them.

           You sat near the back, arms crossed, your notebook untouched before you, except for the occasional bored doodles. You hadn’t written a single word, and the look of disinterest on your face hadn’t gone unnoticed. You always found a way to test him, whether arriving late to class, challenging his points with sarcastic remarks, or simply tuning out altogether.

           It wasn’t that you didn’t understand the material - you were one of his brightest students, in fact, you somehow managed to ace every single test despite your lack of attention in class - but you enjoyed pushing his buttons. There was something about the way his jaw clenched when you interrupted him, or the way his eyes would narrow whenever you challenged him. You liked getting a rise out of him, watching his usual exterior crack, even if only for a moment.

           Today was no different. As Professor Hotchner continued his lecture, you slowly raised your hand, an amused smile playing on your lips.

           “Yes?” he asked, pausing mid-sentence, his eyes locking on yours with that same unreadable expression.

           You leaned back in your chair, feigning innocence. “I was just wondering, Professor,” you began, your tone laced with mockery, “how much of what you’re saying actually applies in real-world scenarios? Or is this just another theoretical debate you like to have in your ivory tower up there?”

           The room went silent. A few of your classmates exchanged glances, but no one dared to laugh. They knew better than to cross Professor Hotchner, but you? You thrived on it.

           His jaw clenched slightly, but his expression remained calm. He stepped away from the podium, folding his arms across his chest as he regarded you with a cold stare.

           “Care to elaborate on that thought?” he asked, his voice dangerously smooth.

           You shrugged, sitting up a little straighter. “I just think maybe we should focus more on what actually happens out there,” you said, gesturing vaguely, “rather than talking about hypotheticals all the time.”

           Professor Hotchner nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving yours. “So you believe this class lacks practical application?”

           “Maybe just a little,” you replied, biting back a smirk. You knew exactly what you were doing.

           There was a brief silence, the tension thick in the room as he considered your words. Finally, he took a slow breath and walked toward the edge of the stage, his hands resting on the edge of the desk next to him.

           “Let me clarify something for you,” he said, his voice low but firm. “Everything I teach in this class is rooted in real-world cases - cases I’ve worked on personally. If you’d been paying attention instead of trying to undermine every point I make, you’d understand that.”

           You felt a flicker of satisfaction at the sharpness in his tone. He was getting annoyed. Good.

           “Of course, Professor,” you replied, feigning contrition. “I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

           His eyes narrowed slightly, and for a moment, you thought he might snap, might finally lose that calm, composed exterior he always wore. But instead, he straightened up, his gaze never leaving yours.

           “See me after class,” he said, his tone leaving no room for argument.

           Your heart skipped a beat. You hadn’t expected that. Usually, he just brushed off your comments and moved on. But today… today was different. Something had shifted in the air, and the weight of it settled in the pit of your stomach.

           The rest of the lecture passed in a blur. You couldn’t focus, couldn’t even remember what he was talking about. All you could think about was what would happen after class. You’d pushed him too far this time, and now you were going to have to deal with the consequences.

           When the lecture finally ended, your classmates filtered out, casting curious glances in your direction. You stayed seated, watching as Professor gathered his papers at the front of the room. His movements were slow and deliberate, and it felt like he was taking his time just to make you wait.

           Eventually, the room was empty, and Professor Hotchner glanced up, his eyes meeting yours across the room.

           “Come here,” he said simply, his tone leaving no room for disobedience.

           You hesitated for a moment, then stood, walking down the aisle toward the front of the room. Your heart was racing now, adrenaline coursing through your veins as you neared him.

           He didn’t move as you approached, his eyes locked on yours, his expression unreadable. You stopped a few feet away, suddenly unsure of yourself, but you weren’t about to back down now.

           “Do you enjoy testing me?” he asked, his voice low and steady.

           You shrugged, playing it cool. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

           He stepped closer, closing the distance between you in an instant. He was towering over you, his presence even more intimidating than usual.

           “I think you do,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

           The air between you was thick with tension, and you could feel your pulse quicken as Professor Hotchner loomed above you, his eyes locked on yours. He was close enough now that you could feel the heat radiating from him, close enough to make you realize that you may have pushed him a little too far this time.

           His gaze was intense, scrutinizing as if he were trying to peel back the layers of your defiance to see what was really the root of it. You didn’t back down, though. You couldn’t - after all, this was the game you’d been playing for weeks, and retreating now would feel like defeat.

           “Testing you?” you repeated with a hint of mockery in your voice, though it wasn’t as sharp as before. “Maybe I just like seeing how much it takes to get under your skin.”

           His jaw tightened slightly at your words. He hadn’t expected you to admit to it, and certainly not with such brazen confidence. His eyes darkened, and his expression turned serious, a subtle shift that sent a thrill through you.

           “I think you enjoy this far more than you’re willing to admit,” he said slowly, his voice was calm. “You push and push, hoping to see where the line is. But what happens when you cross it?”

           Your breath hitched at the implication in his words, but you quickly recovered, masking your unease with a smirk. “I guess we’re about to find out, aren’t we?”

           Professor Hotchner's eyes flickered with something you couldn’t quite place - frustration? Amusement? It was hard to tell with him. He was always so controlled, so precise. Even now, standing this close, he hadn’t lost his composure.

           “You think you’re in control, don’t you?” His tone was quiet, almost too quiet, but there was an edge to it that made you shiver.

           You opened your mouth to respond, but before you could say anything, he took another step toward you, closing the distance between you entirely. His voice dropped lower, more intimate, as he leaned in just enough that only you could hear him.

           “You’re not,” he murmured. His breath ghosted against your ear, sending a shockwave of heat through you, and you could feel your heart pounding in your chest. “And it’s about time you realized that.”

           The challenge in his tone hit you hard, stirring something deep inside, but you refused to give in so easily. You weren’t going to back down, no matter how intense the tension had become.

           You tilted your chin up slightly, meeting his gaze head-on. “You sure about that, Professor?” you replied, your voice soft but laced with defiance. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks like I’ve been getting exactly what I want.”

           His eyes flashed, getting darker, and for a brief moment, you wondered if you’d gone too far. He wasn’t just some professor to toy with - he was Aaron Hotchner, a man who commanded respect and had little patience for insolence who had climbed the ranks ever since he got his first position within the FBI. Yet, here you were, pushing him to the limit.

           But instead of snapping, his lips curled into a tight, almost predatory smile. “You think this is what you want? You’re playing a dangerous game.”

           His words hit you harder than you expected, the weight of them settling deep in your chest. You swallowed, suddenly feeling the anticipation between the two of you shift in a way that you couldn’t control, and the power dynamic you’d been clinging to started to slip through your fingers.

           Professor Hotchner took a step back, his eyes never leaving yours as he surveyed you, taking in your defiance, your composure - everything you’d used to mask what was really happening beneath the surface. The authority he commanded in the classroom extended here, too, as if there was no escape from the weight of it.

           “I think it’s time you understood something,” Hotch said, his voice low but firm. “You can’t keep walking into my class acting like you can undermine me and expect no consequences. If you think this is all just a game to push boundaries, you’re wrong.”

           You swallowed hard, feeling the weight of his words settle in. There was no denying the power he held in this moment, and for the first time, you weren’t sure if you were in control of what was happening between the two of you. You opened your mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out.

           “Do you have anything to say?” His voice was calm, but there was an unmistakable authority behind it that made it clear he wasn’t going to tolerate any more of your defiance.

           Your pulse raced as you searched for a response, but the smirk you usually relied on had faded. He watched you closely, waiting for you to either respond or break under the pressure, but you held his gaze, refusing to give him the satisfaction.

           After a long, tense silence, you finally managed to speak, though your voice was softer than before. “And what if I don’t stop?”

           Professor Hotchner's gaze didn’t waver, but there was something different in his eyes now. Something darker, something that sent a thrill through you even as it made your stomach twist. His expression remained unreadable, his tone firm but quieter than before as he replied:

           “Then we’re going to have a problem. One that you’re not prepared to handle.”

           His words hung in the air, and for the first time, the reality of what you’d been toying with began to sink in. You’d pushed him far enough to break through the facade he kept up with the rest of the class, but in doing so, you had unleashed something far more vicious than you’d expected.

           And now, you had to decide if you were going to keep playing this game - or back down.

           He took a step closer again, his presence overwhelming as he looked down at you. His voice was calm, but the edge of authority was unmistakable.

           “Because if you don’t stop,” he murmured, his voice dropping lower, “I’ll make sure you do.”

           Your breath caught in your throat, your mind racing as the full weight of the power play between the two of you settled in. The tension crackled in the air, and it was clear that whatever happened next was entirely up to you.

           You had crossed that line - now the question was whether you’d be able to handle what came next.

           The air in the room felt suffocating, it was thick with unspoken words and the electric pull between you. Professor Hotchner's eyes bore into yours, and you could feel the intensity of his gaze as he stepped even closer. Your heart pounded in your chest, the sense of control you’d been clinging to slipping further away with each passing second.

           Without warning, his hand shot out, grabbing your wrist firmly but not painfully, pulling you forward. Before you could react, he backed you up against his desk, the hard surface pressing against the small of your back. His grip was commanding, as though this was the moment he'd been waiting for.

           “Enough is enough,” he muttered, his voice a low growl, his breath hot against your skin.

           The words barely had time to register before his free hand came to your waist, pushing you back onto the desk in one swift motion. You gasped, your other hand instinctively reaching out to brace yourself on the edge as he towered over you, his presence was overwhelming. Your heart raced, but you weren’t afraid - if anything, the surge of adrenaline coursing through you made everything feel sharper, more exhilarating.

           His hand tightened slightly on your waist as he leaned down, his lips hovering dangerously close to yours. The weight of his charge pressed down on you, but instead of cowering, you met his gaze with equal fire. The challenge in your eyes hadn’t faded.

           And then, before you could say anything, his lips crashed against yours in a searing and desperate kiss.

           It wasn’t gentle - it was rough, a battle for dominance as his lips claimed yours with the intensity that had been building between the two of you for weeks now. The force of it sent a jolt through your body, your mind going blank as you were consumed by the sensation. You tried to pull back, to push him away, but the second your hands came to his chest, something shifted.

           Instead of shoving him off, you pulled him closer.

           Your hands fisted in his shirt, yanking him down as you kissed him back with equal ferocity. The tension between you exploded in that moment, your lips moving against his in a way that felt both angry and frantic, a clash of wills as neither of you was willing to back down. You felt his hands tighten on your waist, pulling you further against him as the kiss deepened.

           The sound of your own ragged breathing filled the air as you pushed yourself up from the desk, your body arching into his as you deepened the kiss, parting your lips slightly to let him in. You felt his hesitation for a split second before he gave in, his tongue sweeping into your mouth in a way that made your head spin.

           The intensity was overwhelming, every nerve in your body on fire as you kissed him harder, needing more. You felt his hands slide up your sides, gripping you tighter as he responded to the challenge, the kiss turning even more heated, more desperate.

           It was a power play in its rawest form, neither of you willing to give an inch, both of you consumed by the battle for control. The push and pull between you was intoxicating, and for the first time, you weren’t sure who was winning.

           Your lungs burned as you both finally broke apart for a split second, gasping for air. The room spun, your lips tingling from the force of his kiss, and you barely had time to process before Professor Hotchner moved. His hands gripped your hips, lifting you slightly as he flipped you over, your stomach coming to rest against the wooden surface of his desk.

           The movement was swift, almost effortless, and you couldn’t suppress the surprised gasp that escaped your lips. Your hands flew out to brace yourself against the desk, your chest pressing against the smooth surface as the world tilted beneath you.

           Your legs hung over the edge, toes barely touching the floor, but before you could shift your position, you felt his hand on your lower back, firm, keeping you in place. The pressure of his palm was grounding, heavy with control as he leaned in close, his breath warm against the nape of your neck.

           You shivered, but it wasn’t from fear. The tension had reached a fever pitch, and you could feel it in every inch of your body.

           Without a word, he slid his hand down your thigh, only to pause halfway, gripping firmly before nudging your feet apart. His touch was assertive but not rough, guiding, commanding. You felt a flush of heat as your legs spread slightly, feet planted more firmly on the ground now, creating just enough space for him to step closer, his presence looming over you.

           Your breath hitched as you felt his hand press firmly against your lower back, keeping you pinned in place. Every nerve in your body was on edge, the authority in his touch overwhelming yet thrilling. His warmth was so close, suffocating in the best way, and when his voice came again, low and commanding, it sent a shiver down your spine.

           “Stay right there,” he ordered, his tone leaving no room for disobedience.

           Your lips parted, and the words slipped out before you could stop them, breathy and submissive. “Yes, sir.”

           For a moment, there was only silence, but you felt him stiffen behind you, his grip tightening just slightly. Then, he chuckled softly, a dark, mocking sound that sent a jolt of heat through you.

           “Oh, so you do know how to follow orders,” Hotch murmured, his voice filled with amusement as he leaned closer, his lips brushing the shell of your ear. “And here I thought you were incapable of it.”

           His words dripped with sarcasm, and you clenched your fists against the desk, torn between the need to snap back at him and the overwhelming desire to submit. The way he mocked you, the condescension laced into every syllable, made your pulse race. He knew exactly what he was doing - pushing and prodding at the edges of your defiance, breaking you down piece by piece.

           His hands moved with a sharp precision, gripping the hem of your skirt as he flipped it up over your stomach in one swift motion. The cool air of the room hit the bare skin of your thighs, sending a jolt through your body as the fabric bunched around your waist, leaving you exposed to his gaze.

           He stood still for a moment, and you could feel his eyes on you, heavy and intense as if he were taking in every detail.

           “So quick to submit now,” he murmured, his voice dark and almost mocking again. “I wonder where all that attitude suddenly went.”

           His fingers grazed along the edge of your hips, teasingly light, and you had to fight the urge to arch back into his touch. Every movement was calculated, designed to remind you of who was in control now, and you knew he wasn’t about to let you forget it.

           Professor Hotchner's lips curved into a smirk as he leaned closer, his breath hot against your ear. "Look at you," he whispered, his tone dripping with satisfaction. His fingers traced the edge of your panties, feeling the dampness that had gathered there.

           "You really are a brat, aren’t you?" he teased, his voice low and sultry. The way he pronounced each word made your heart race, a mix of embarrassment and excitement flooding your senses.

           His gaze lingered on you, taking in the flush that crept up your cheeks and the way you squirmed under his touch. "I didn’t expect you to get so worked up, but it seems you’re enjoying this a little too much," he continued, the smirk never leaving his lips.

           You could feel the heat radiating off your skin, the reality of the situation crashing over you. He had you right where he wanted you - vulnerable, exposed, and ready to follow his lead.

           Professor Hotchner's hand shot out, gripping a fistful of your hair as he pressed your body further into the desk. The sudden pull made you gasp, a rush of excitement coursing through you. He leaned over you, his weight settling against your back, creating a pressure that heightened the thrill of the moment.

           “You’ve been a real distraction in class,” he murmured his voice a low growl that sent shivers down your spine. The way he held your hair firmly yet gently sent a mix of vulnerability and exhilaration through you, amplifying the tension in the air.

           With his body hovering above yours, you could feel the heat radiating from him, and it sent your heart racing. The cool surface of the desk contrasted sharply with the warmth of his presence, and you found it hard to focus on anything but him.

           “What are you going to do about it, Professor?” you challenged, your voice laced with desire.

           A smirk played on his lips as he tightened his grip on your hair, forcing you to arch your back slightly. “You’ll find out soon enough,” he replied, his voice thick with promise.

           He leaned in closer, his lips brushing against your ear, sending tingles throughout your body. “But first, you need to learn how to behave,” he whispered, the words igniting something deep within you.

           As Professor Hotchner pinned your body to the desk, his free hand snuck down to your waist, slowly maneuvering your panties down to your knees. You could feel him as he rubbed himself against your pussy. Jolts of excitement ran through your veins with each teasingly slow thrust.

           He couldn’t take it anymore. The tension had reached a boiling point, and he felt an overwhelming surge of desire pulse through him. He stepped back, allowing the space between you to grow, and a low growl escaped his lips, reverberating through the silence of the room as you tried to move, it was enough to keep you in your place.

           You felt the sudden shift. The sound of his belt unbuckling broke through the stillness, each metallic click sending a shiver down your spine. You couldn’t see him, but you could imagine the intense focus in his eyes, the way he held himself with an authority that both thrilled and terrified you.

           The soft hiss of his zipper being pulled down followed, and you felt your breath hitch, your heart racing as the anticipation built within you. You were acutely aware of the overwhelming silence surrounding you, punctuated only by the sound of your own heartbeat and the rustling of fabric.

           With every sound, your body responded, craving the connection you knew was coming, and the knowledge that he was just behind you, poised and powerful, left you utterly captivated, longing for what was to unfold.

           “Do you want this?” he murmured, his voice husky and laced with an edge of dominance that made your stomach flutter. It was both a question and a command, and the way he said it made your heart race even faster. The thrill of his control was intoxicating, sending a rush of adrenaline coursing through your veins.

           You nodded instinctively, unable to form words, the desire bubbling just below the surface, threatening to overflow. The anticipation was a sweet torment, your body aching for his touch. The fluttering in your stomach intensified, the heat pooling deep within you, urging you to surrender completely.

           “Use your words,” he teased, a hint of amusement threading through his tone. “Tell me what you want.”

           The challenge in his voice ignited a spark of defiance within you, making you shiver in anticipation. You knew he wanted you to submit, to give in to the pleasure that hung in the air between you like an unbroken promise. It was both thrilling and terrifying, the power dynamic shifting and swirling around you like a tempest.

           “Please…” you breathed, your voice barely above a whisper, laced with longing. It felt like an admission of vulnerability, and yet the act of saying it sent a thrill through you, a reminder of the power in your own submission.

           “Good girl,” he replied, his voice low and velvety, sending another wave of heat coursing through you. The praise wrapped around you like a warm embrace, reinforcing the tension that filled the room.  "Will you behave?"

           "Yes sir, please I need it!" You begged.

           And with that he lined the tip of his cock with your soaking entrance, slowly pushing against it, filling you up with a shared moan resonating off the walls in the lecture hall. He set a slow pace as he rolled his hips against you, watching you squirm underneath him as you tried to push back against him to quicken the pace.

           It wasn't long before Hotch started thrusting into you harder and harder with each move of his hips. His thrusts were painstakingly harsh. You grabbed at the edge of his desk, whimpering with pleasure as jolts of pure bliss overtook you. You felt every part of your body respond to him.

           You felt as both of your releases washed over you, the warmth of his cum coating your walls as he filled you up.

           As the tension in the air began to dissipate, Professor Hotchner slowly pulled away, his breath still heavy against your skin. The room was filled with the remnants of what had just transpired, an electric pulse lingering between you both. He shifted his weight, allowing you to turn over, your eyes meeting his in the dim light of the office.

           Your heart raced, still echoing with the thrill of the moment. There was a vulnerability that hung in the air, and despite the heat of passion, a sense of intimacy enveloped you. You caught your breath, letting the silence settle as you and Hotch shared an unspoken understanding, one that transcended the physicality of what had just happened.

           His gaze softened as he brushed a strand of hair away from your face, his fingers lingering against your cheek. “Are you okay?” he asked, his voice low and filled with concern. The authoritative demeanor was replaced by something more tender, a gentleness that surprised you.

           You nodded, your heart swelling at the sincerity in his eyes. “Yeah, I’m okay,” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper as you came to your senses. There was a lingering shyness between you now, a recognition of the boundaries you had crossed together.

           His lips curled into a small, affectionate smile, and he leaned in, capturing your lips in a soft kiss that held promise and warmth. It was a stark contrast to the intensity of moments before, but it spoke volumes of the connection you shared.

           After pulling away, Professor Hotchner hesitated for a moment, his expression shifting to something more contemplative. “This can’t happen again in class,” he said, his tone serious but softened by the affection that lingered in his eyes. “It’s not professional.”

           You could only smile at his earnestness, knowing deep down that this was more than just a fleeting moment. “I know,” you replied, a playful glint in your eyes. “But maybe outside of class…”

           His laughter was deep and rich, filling the room with a warmth that made your heart flutter. “Maybe,” he mused, his thumb gently caressing your cheek. “But we’ll have to navigate this carefully.”

           You both shared a knowing look, a blend of excitement and uncertainty swirling between you.

[im-sleepdeprived]

Can you write something about co-workers to friends to lovers?

fix you up

pairing: peter parker x reader

a/n: i won’t lie to y’all idk how i feel abt this one. its cute dgmw but i hope you guys like it !!! ive had this request for an EMBARRASSINGLY long time, anon if you’re upset, i totally understand

warnings: mentions of injuries, burns, rude customers, bandaging some wounds n stuff, fluff and pining !!! (disclaimer: I’ve never been a barista so forgive me if this is a lil off)

masterlist, requests are open !!

Working in a rustic-vintage-corner-campus-cafe was definitely not how you saw your college years going. Your teen self would’ve killed to work at a place like this but when you grew up, you realized just how different the workload is between a high school student and a uni one such as yourself. 

You weren’t complaining of course. The pay was adequate, your manager was a simple old lady who never had much to say other than making sure all the equipment was clean, you got along with your coworkers pretty well for the most part and the customers were tolerable. 

But every once in a while, you’d get an entitled shithead who seemed to make it their life’s mission to ruin someone else’s day. And the problem with working a social job such as you did, is that you were an easy target. 

It started off as a fairly simple day, you clocked in and put on your apron ready to start your shift for the day. You preferred late morning shifts, leaving afternoons for classes (and the rouge 8am lecture every now and then) and nights for going out or studying. 

“Oh, Y/N! Thank god you're here,” Your co-worker, Vanessa, exclaimed.

Vanessa was a few years older than you. She actually wasn’t a student, she’d given college a try and it wasn’t her thing. Apparently, all it did was “try to undermine unstoppable greatness.” She was chatty, but you actually liked that about her. She could keep up a conversation with a statue. When you first started off here she’d been the one to show you the ropes and ever since then, you’d had a specific bond with her that you couldn’t really put a name to.

You gave her a small smile, “Yeah well, I do prefer to show up when promised. Especially when my paycheck depends on it,” you let out a small laugh.

“Yes! See, that's what I love about you,” she made a disgusted face, “Unlike Peter. Honestly, I don't understand how he hasn’t been fired yet! He shows up at least half an hour late to every shift yet Miss Hannigan still keeps him around.”

“Oh,” you stuttered, raising your hands a little in defense, “I didn't mean it as a jab at Peter, I swear.”

She tossed a curled blonde lock of hair over her shoulders while waving her other hand in dismissal, “Honey, don’t worry about it. I know you would never, you’re far too sweet for that. But I wouldn’t blame you if you did, you know, having to work more than half your shift alone? I swear if Bernard did that to me,” she made a big show of gesturing to herself, "I would not deal with it.”

While what she was saying wasn’t necessarily wrong, it didn’t feel right talking about Peter like that. Sure, he was late most of the time, leaving you to do most of the work while you waited for him to show up (somehow when he started working you two got the same shift together and it’s just been that way ever since) and while you, also, normally wouldn’t put up with this, there was something different about Peter. You never felt like he was taking advantage of you, and purposefully made you pick up extra slack. It was quite the opposite actually, he always apologized profusely and never slacked when he was on the clock. He always seemed so rushed and out of breath, you were pretty sure the poor boy just needed to learn how to manage time better. Plus, he always took it upon himself to unpack the orders because of all the heavy lifting required (you couldn’t tell just by looking at him, with all the sweaters he wore, but man was he ripped.)

“He’s actually really sweet.” You’re not sure why exactly you’re so keen on defending Peter. You two barely spoke, outside of work of course, and you don’t know much about him. But something inside you didn’t like anyone assuming anything bad about him. 

“Yea, well, he’d be a ton sweeter if he clocked in on time,” she laughed as she untied her apron, getting ready to leave. You faked a laugh as well, not wanting the conversation to progress any further. 

“Alrighty, well,” she heaved a breath, “I'm off, have a good rest of your day Y/N.”

You smiled once again and sent a wave her way before settling down in front of the register. It was slow today, not many people in the shop. A fellow student you only recognized from work sat in a corner booth with their headphones locked in and was working on what seemed to be some kind of essay. 

There was an older woman, however, looking incredibly irritated at the table closest to you. You’d never seen her before but that wasn’t too strange. It was a near-campus cafe, after all, lots of people passing through. She looked to be typing on her phone until, suddenly, she shut it off and made direct eye contact with you. 

If looks could kill, you would’ve dropped dead behind the counter, which wouldn’t be all that ideal considering you couldn’t remember the last time anyone mopped that side of the store. 

She stood up and walked towards you and you already dreaded the conversation to come.

“I have an order,” she spit out, as if she were disgusted to even be talking to you at the moment. 

No greeting or anything, wow. Someone wasn’t raised right. 

Nonetheless, you put on your well-rehearsed customer service smile and gave in. “Sure, I’d be happy to help with that. Can you just give me the order?”

She rolled her eyes dramatically. “I shouldn’t have to, I called in and placed it and it should be ready by now. I'm going to be late!”

You froze for a moment, not quite sure what to do, “I’m so sorry for the inconvenience ma’am, but I just got here and I haven’t heard anything,” you glance at the little whiteboard kept on the counter for these exact situations only to find it empty, “and I don’t see anything here about a phone-placed order. Are you sure you have the right store?”

Her face was so red and steam was practically blowing out of her ears, “Of course, I have the right store! Do you think I'm stupid or something?”

“No! Of course not, I'm so sorry,” you start to blabber off, not wanting to make her any angrier than she already was, “I’ll get things ready for you right away ma’am.”

You turned around and tried to make yourself not freak out as badly as you wanted to. It was so humiliating getting yelled at like this in public! And yeah, maybe if you had such a problem with unpleasant interactions like this, you shouldn't have taken a social job such as this one, but honestly, you thought people would have enough manners not to act up like this. Apparently not. 

It slipped your mind for a moment because of how scrambled you got when the lady flipped her lid, but Vanessa has been known to do this, forget to write down orders and leave you to fend for yourself (quite literally since your coworker was never really around) and you’re pretty sure that’s what happened here. Other customers were usually more understanding than this woman bordering on Kathy-Bates-movie-character-insanity over a drink order. 

You reached into your back pocket, deciding you’d try to send her a hurried text about any phone calls she might remember. That just seemed to anger your customer more.

“Excuse me?! I'm sitting here waiting for my order and you're too busy chatting away on your phone?”

You lose yourself for a moment and you can’t feel your face anymore. 

“I am so sorry ma’am,” you repeat, which seems to be your mantra since you started working today, “I was just checking to see if-,”

“I don't care what you were checking, or what you need to see! Give me what I paid for,” her hand started smacking against the counter loud enough for the only other person in the store to look up, broken from their reverie. They merely shot you an apologetic look before getting back to their work, leaving you to fend for yourself.

“You have terrible customer service, honestly. I come here every Tuesday with my book club, but never again. If I don’t get exactly what I asked for in the next five minutes, I'm calling your boss and not leaving until I'm sure you’re fired.” 

You shake your head, “There’s no need to do that ma’am, I'll get everything ready for you.”

You turned around once again, this time, heading towards the cappuccino machine. You’re not sure why you said that considering you have no clue what ‘everything’ is that has to get ready. 

In all honesty, there’s a low chance that a suburban-white-soccer-mom type would have any real effect on your employment. Miss Hannigan would surely not fire you just because some order forgot to be written down and some customer got pissed. Right?

But you really didn’t want to find out. 

So, you started up the machine and turned to grab a cup. Today, apparently, was just doomed from the start. As you turned to grab one of the cups placed on the shelf over the machine, your hand hit the button that turned on the steam wand. Which was aimed directly at your other hand. 

You bit down the yelp that threatened to escape and jumped back, the back of your hand now searing with pain. Instinctively, your other hand came to cup your injured one, which only made it worse. You fought back tears as you moved to turn the steam back off. 

Inhaling deeply, you took a moment to try to get your mind working again. “Hello?!” Of course. You turned your head and gave her the fakest smile you’ve ever mustered in your whole life. “One minute ma’am.”

You could hear her going off about how she doesn’t have a minute to spare, but you ignored her, trying to think of what the hell you could give her to just get her out of your face. You’d have to guess her order since I wasn’t actually taken. You’d started playing a game with yourself since you worked here, guessing people's drink orders, and you’d say you’ve gotten pretty good. 

You peeked a look back at her. You’d had customers around her age come in before and order, for the most part, the same thing. A plain cappuccino. Seemed like a safe bet.

Swallowing down the pain as best you could, you approached the machine again. This time, taking out the portafilter. It must’ve not been put in correctly because it clattered to the ground, coffee grinds falling around the floor. 

You wanted to cry. Your hand hurt like hell, there was a new mess to deal with, and that lady hadn’t stopped complaining since you stepped in. 

Frozen, you began to panic a little, breaths coming out sporadically. You’d leave the sweeping for later, but you had to clean the filter so you could use it because it was the only one. And the slightest brush of air made your hand burn even more. You had no clue how to go about this. Maybe if you-

Like an angel, Peter rushed in through the side door. Tying his apron around his waist, he looked towards you. Your hand flew up to your mouth at his perfect timing and you saw his expression grow more concerned. 

He rushed towards you. “What happened?” And for a second, you forget everything that was stressing you out just a few moments before. He grabbed your hand so gently, you forgot every ounce of pain. 

“I cannot believe this!” She wasn’t giving up and you shut your eyes in frustration, turning to reply to her again. But before you can open your mouth, Peter steps in. “Hold on, can’t you clearly see she’s hurt?”

She scoffed and crossed her arms, “That’s her fault. If she knew how to do her job, it wouldn’t have happened.”

You could feel the anger rolling off him in waves. His expression hardened and his mouth opened to shoot something back at her, but this time, you cut him off. You placed your non-injured hand on his shoulder and gave him a look. 

He stared at you for a few seconds before finally giving in, blowing out some air in a frustrated huff. “Go wait for me inside,” he told you, nodding his head toward the employees-only backroom. 

“What?” You asked confused. You didn’t wanna leave him alone. 

“You’re not working right now, there’s no way I’m letting you. I’ll deal with her. Go, I’ll be right there,” he said, shoving you away gently.

Once you heard that he’d be following you, you were more willing. You walked through the door and took a seat at the table usually used for meal breaks. The ‘break room’ was a small room positioned in the back of the store. You can’t remember what this place used to be (a diner maybe?) but this specific room was used as an office, but Miss Hannigan claimed she had no use for an office so it was used for employee breaks. 

Every ounce of you was grateful for Peter’s Superman moment back there. He came in today earlier than usual and he’d totally saved your ass. You were going to make sure to tell him. 

You weren’t waiting long before the door opened again and Peter walked in, holding a backpack you hadn’t seen on him before. In his other hand, he held a drink. He placed the drink on the table before he grabbed one of the chairs, bringing it close to yours, and you turned your body to face him. 

He picked up your hand again, just as gently as before. “Alright,” he let out a breath of relief, “it’s not as bad as I thought, but, it’s still gonna take a while to heal. Wait,” he leaned over, unzipping his bag and taking supplies out while you just stared at him.

“I thought you majored in biochemistry.” You blurted out. Your face heated up a little when he looked at you curiously.

“I- I saw your textbooks once when you left your bag open. And I’ve seen you around campus, near the science-y buildings…and stuff.” You shrugged and he chuckled. 

“I do,” he nodded, “any medical stuff is self-taught. I get into a lot of…accidents.”

“Oh.” You nodded at him. What kind of accidents would he get into? You’d never seen him hurt, but what did you know. 

“I take it you don’t major in anything science-y,” he said, grinning at you.

You shook your head, “No, I don’t. But I have a chemistry class I have to take for credit. Which makes no sense because chemistry has nothing to do with what I want to learn.”

He laughed and set his bag back down, everything he needed was now laid out on the table. “Okay,” he picked up a white tube with red lettering on it. “This is gonna help with pain and scarring. I’m going to spread some of this, then wrap it up for you.” You looked at the table and saw he’d also taken out some white gauze. What kind of ‘accidents’ did he get into?

You nodded, at a complete loss for words. You had no idea Peter knew so much about injuries and you were so thankful he was helping you out. You didn’t hate each other, but you weren’t close either.

He applied a small amount to the back of your hand, asking you constantly if you were okay as he rubbed it on softly. Honestly, even if it did hurt, you wouldn’t have the heart to tell him.

He finished up with the cream and moved onto the gauze, expertly wrapping it up to lightly cover your wound. When he was finished with that, he carefully tied it off, making sure not to tie it too tight.

“There,” he leaned back and smiled at you, causing butterflies to erupt in your stomach. “All fixed up.”

 “Thank you, Peter, really.” You reluctantly pulled your hand back into your lap, missing the warmth of his fingers wrapped around it.

“You don’t need to thank me Y/N, it’s the least I could do. I’m just glad I got here earlier than usual.”

You nodded and looked down. “Well thanks anyway, you saved my ass back there. Seriously, I have no idea what’s wrong with me today but I kept fucking everything up.”

“Hey,” he said softly, making you look up and meet his gaze. “You didn’t fuck anything up. Okay? You made a few mistakes, but that's not your fault. She shouldn’t have been treating you like that, especially when you’d hurt yourself.” He looked away and scoffed as he remembered the terrible customer that had ruined your morning. You would’ve felt extremely touched by his care if it weren’t for his next words.

“All that for a plain fucking cappuccino.” He mumbled.

“A plain cappuccino? Really?” You asked excitedly, forgetting about everything, and grinning at him wildly. 

“Um, yeah…why?” He asked you, confusion was written all over his face, but he couldn’t help his own smile slightly growing when he noticed your enthusiasm.

“Nothing,” you shook your head quickly, smile never fading, “I just…well, I play this game with myself where I guess people's drink orders. And I think I’m getting pretty good because that’s exactly what I was going to make her before you walked in.”

He laughed out loud and you joined in. “What’s my order?” He asked. 

You paused for a moment. “A caramel macchiato with extra caramel.”

He looked at you for a bit, “Close,” he admitted. “It used to be.”

“So are you gonna tell me what it is now?”

Shaking his head, he leaned over the table and dragged the drink he’d brought in earlier in front of you. “Here,” he changed the subject, “I made you this.”

You’d completely forgotten about it, and when you took a closer look, you realized it was your coffee order. 

Your mouth fell open, “How’d you know?”

He just shrugged, smiling slightly. He knew it was your favorite, but the confirmation was still nice. “I've seen you make it for yourself. Educated guess.”

“Oh my god,” you said, voice soft. It was a simple thing really, you had one most days at the end of your shift. But the fact that he’d noticed… It just meant a lot. “Thank you so much, Peter.”

He just waved you off, his smile growing when he noticed your reaction to the drink. He couldn’t believe he got a chance to speak to you. Truly speak to you. He was always too awkward or embarrassed or trying to avoid embarrassment. But now, while he didn’t like the circumstances that led you both here, he was actually talking to you. And it was nice.

“So,” he started, not wanting this to end just yet, “you said you’ve got a chemistry class?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, picking up your drink and taking a sip. “The one with Professor Hall. I actually have a class after this shift. I totally suck though, and he hates me. I just don’t get it, and he doesn’t explain it well!”

Peter nodded, completely understanding what you meant. It was a tough subject to begin with, and he knew not everyone was as into science as he was, add onto that a teacher who doesn’t really teach, it’s a recipe for disaster. 

“I actually had that class. Last year. I can help you, sometimes. If you’d like me to, that is!” He rushed out. Great, he thought, now I’m getting awkward. 

You looked up at him, eyes wide. “Really? Do you mean that?”

“Of course. I think I’ve still got my notes too, if you want ‘em.” He shrugged nonchalantly as if he wasn’t saving your ass again. 

“Oh my god Peter,” you placed your non-injured hand on his knee, not noticing the way his body stiffened and he gulped. “That would help so much. There’s a huge exam coming up, and it's a huge part of my grade so I have to pass. I started cramming earlier but—”

“I’ll help,” he reassured you, “I enjoy science anyway, so it’ll be fun for me.”

“Thank you,” you repeated. Staring at him so close, you realized you’d never noticed how handsome he was. Sure there were times you thought he was cute, from afar, but now…you could see the different shades of brown in his eyes, the way one of his eyebrows was slightly curlier than the other, unwilling to sit straight. You couldn’t help but stare-

“Oh my god,” you repeated, except this time, you had remembered something. “If we’re both in here, who’s outside?”

“What? Oh, um,” he scratched the back of his neck, still reeling from having you so close to him. “Freddy’s out there?”

“Freddy?” You asked confused. 

He nodded. “The guy writing on his laptop, he’s friends with my roommate, throws the craziest parties. He’s chill, I told him to keep an eye out if someone else walks in. But it’s been slow, so I think we’re good.”

“Oh, okay.” You said, standing up. “We should probably still go though.”

He stood up beside you, frowning. “I don’t think you should work with your hand hurt. I don’t want you accidentally making it worse.”

Your heart warmed at his concern. “That's really sweet Peter, but I’ll be fine. I don’t know what happened before, I never do stuff like that, even accidentally.”

He still didn’t look convinced. “Why don’t you just go home? I can take it for today.”

You shook your head quickly, “I’m not leaving. I have a class later and it would just be a waste of time going back and forth anyway.”

You walked towards the door, opened it, and exited before he had a chance to argue anymore. You stepped behind the counter while Peter rushed out behind you. You watched Freddy give him a thumbs up and Peter nodded at him before he followed right after you. 

“Are you sure you should go to class today? I can walk you home so you can take the day off,” he offered, and he looked so genuine you almost accepted. 

“Peter,” you laughed and he decided no matter what your response was, it wouldn’t matter because hearing you say his name like that was enough. “I’ll be fine, I didn’t break both my legs, it's just a small burn.”

He stared at you for a bit as you smiled at him, trying to get him to ease up. “Fine,” he gave in reluctantly. “But no going towards the cappuccino machine,” he waved a finger at you, “or the ovens. Or anything hot!”

“Fine,” you shot back, grinning wide and he couldn’t help but return it.

The rest of the morning had gone by easily and you thought maybe you didn’t have totally shit luck. Peter was way more fun than you ever thought he’d be and you wondered why you didn’t start talking to each other sooner. 

It used to be silently working together but after those few moments in the break room, you guys were laughing your whole shift. He meant what he said, and he kept you away from anything that produced heat (which you told him was an insane boundary to set in a cafe) so you had extra time to make quips here and there.

You started playing your order-guessing game with him, teaching him certain traits that gave someone away:

“Side part, beanie, and a crossbody? Oh, he’s getting a tall, dark, americano for sure.”

“She’s getting tea. No coffee, just tea. Maybe with a little lemon wedge.”

And he started to get the hang of it. 

“She looks like she drinks matchas right?” He said to you when a girl around your age walked in. He’d been right and you both laughed about it afterwards. 

When your work shift ended, you were actually upset. 

“I’ve got a class to get to,” you told him, lifting your bag onto your shoulder. You’d both cleaned up and gotten yourselves ready, now standing in front of the door. Something in you didn’t want to leave just yet, enjoying your time together far too much to end it so soon. 

“Yeah…” he trailed off, you waited for him to continue but he hesitated. 

“What is it?” You crossed your arms and smiled slightly, shifting your weight onto your other foot. He brought a hand up to scratch the back of his neck, “I just…well, I was just wondering—if it's okay with you of course!” He rushed out, quickly bringing his hands up. “That I could walk you to class?”

You laughed, “I’d love that Pete, thank you.” You turned to open the door to let you both out but he quickly moved forward, holding it open for you and motioning for you to move forward. 

Looking back at him, you smiled and noticed his cheeks were a little red. How had you never noticed how adorable he was?

The walk back to campus wasn’t long but you learned a lot. He told you where he went to high school, his friends he still kept in touch with, his Aunt May, some funny moments from parties he’d been forced to attend by his roommate, and you laughed together.

You told him about the book you were currently reading, your life back home and your family, and why you chose to go to this college. He went along with your jokes, which made it all the more better for you. “I mean if you think about it,” you'd said, “it is so much easier to romanticize your life  when your school campus is as pretty as this one, and that’s real motivation!”

The conversation flowed naturally between you two and it felt like you’d been friends for ages. He dropped you off outside of your class building with the promise of picking you up afterward so you two could study together. 

“So I’ll be back here in an hour right,” he asked. 

“Right,” you smiled at him. “And thanks again Pete, for everything.” You held up your bandaged hand, shaking it a little before setting it back down. 

He shook his head quickly, “Don’t thank me for that. Really.”

You stared at him with a warm expression. “Bye Peter,” you waved as you turned to walk into your class.

“Bye Y/N,” he returned. He watched you walk through the doors, shooting him one last smile before you disappeared from view, before blowing out a breath of air. 

He’d finally gotten a chance to talk to the girl he’d been crushing on for months, and he got to walk her to class! And they were meeting up afterward. After working so close to you and never having the guts to initiate a conversation, he’d settled for just admiring you from afar. But after today, there was nothing that could keep him away. 

You were not having a good day. 

You’d just found out that your chemistry exam was being bumped up to two days from now. Even with the early studying you’d done before, there was no way you could catch up with everything that fast. You were so overwhelmed you had completely forgotten Peter was waiting for you outside. 

You walked out, your bottom lip stuck between your teeth, and you practically jumped out of your skin when someone placed a hand on your shoulder. 

“Hey, don’t worry,” he said, his voice soft yet full of concern. Peter. “It's just me. What happened?”

The second he saw you walk out, he could tell something was off. He could literally sense the anxiety rolling off of you in waves. He had waited for you to look up and stop when you saw him, but you were just about to walk past him before he stopped you. Now, you were looking at him with distress coating every feature on your face. Your brows were pinched, your lip red from biting it, and your eyes wide and distant like you couldn’t even see him and he was standing right in front of you. Something had gone wrong and he wanted nothing more than to fix it. 

“What is it? What’s wrong? He asked frantically. 

“Oh my god,” you whispered, hands flying up to the sides of your head and gripping your hair. You weren’t looking at him anymore, “Oh my god.”

“Ok Y/N,” he said nervously, “you’re starting to scare me.”

“Two days Peter!” You looked at him wildly. “Two days! I can’t go over everything in two days, is he fucking insane? I didn’t even know he could do something like that, I mean, can he do something like that? I feel like that shouldn’t be allowed it should—”

You cut yourself off and started pacing back and forth in front of him. “Oh my god, I’m gonna bomb this. And if I fail, it’ll bring my whole grade down! I can’t afford that I—”

“Hey,” he repeated, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder again. “I said I’m gonna help you, and I meant it. So we’re gonna get through this together, even if we have to stay up all night.”

You stared at him, trying to wonder what you’d done in your life to deserve such an angel. 

You shook your head quickly, “I really appreciate that Peter, but I’m serious. There’s no way I can learn everything I need to know that fast.”

You tried to smile at him but it didn’t reach your eyes. 

He grinned, his expression the total opposite of yours. “Well, you’ve clearly never studied with me, so don’t sound too sure yet.”

Another thing you’d come to realize was just how smart Peter was. 

You really should’ve known when he told you he’d taken that advanced chemistry class a year ago. And passed. 

Looking through his notes, you could see his attention to detail. He really wasn’t a slacker in the classroom because everything was clearly laid out here. 

You’d spent that night going over everything and you’d actually started to feel hopeful about it. Peter was a way better teacher than Professor Hall, and it didn’t hurt that he was so cute. He was understanding with everything and was willing to go over any part for as long as it took for you to fully grasp it. 

At the end of the night, he’d undone the wrappings around your hand, reapplied the cream for you, and wrapped it up again.

“It’s doing okay,” he reassured you. “Like I said, it’s gonna take a while, but if it starts hurting or anything, take some medicine. Then find me.”

You were sure you’d just melted into his hands at that moment.

The next day, you couldn’t wait to get through everything and see him again, even if you were going to be talking about chemistry. 

You weren’t scheduled to work at the cafe today, so you’d only get to meet up after both of your classes. 

Lectures were a blur, nothing really catching your attention and you spent most of the time with your phone tucked in your hand texting back and forth with Peter, barely concealing your laughter when he sent you memes. 

It was like that all day, until, finally, you made your way over to his small apartment he shared with one of his friends. 

its very quaint 🤌

(totally NOT what we say to make ourselves feel better about this shoebox)

He’d told you over text, making you laugh out loud as you made your way over there. 

dw🫡 I was one of those kids who used to live in their play tents and hid in random corners and spaces

im totally ready for this

ok but be warned, we do not have a pet!!! they are not allowed per our lease!!! ignore the cat when you come in!!! tell no one!!!

what cat ??

good girl ;)

Your face flushed as you made your way up the steps to his door. You knocked three times and barely had to wait a second before Peter stood before you, holding the door open. 

“Hi,” he said, smiling at you. 

“Hi,” you grinned back. You heard a small ‘meow’ come from behind him and he quickly held up a finger to his lips. You covered your mouth, stifling a laugh as you nodded at him. 

“Come on in,” he said, stepping out of the way to lead you through the door. You stepped in and kicked off your shoes before looking around. It was plain, but that was to be expected really. 

There was a large poster hanging next to their TV, however, that caught your eye. “Big fan?” You asked him, shoving your thumb in the direction of the Star Wars poster. 

He shrugged nonchalantly, “Kind of.”

“Oh. Well, I was just asking because I love those movies. My little brother used to watch them and I got really into it.”

“Oh. I mean—I don’t know what I was saying before I love them too.” He rushed out, making you giggle.

He stayed staring at you for a bit, his eyes rounding out and his mouth gaping a little bit. 

You gave him a small smile, “Okay, well we should-” You let out a small yelp, hands flying to your mouth as you jumped back. 

The living room was small. The only things occupying it were the TV mounted to the wall, and in front of it, was a sofa. And on the sofa, was an unconscious body that you hadn’t noticed until it let out a low groan. You really weren’t sure how you missed it, there wasn’t much else to look at, but they had just been so still. 

Heart beating erratically, you turned towards Peter again, who was looking at you with all the amusement in the world written all over his face. “Was he always there,” you whispered, eyes wide.

He opened his arms, “Well, angel, I really don’t know. Did you see anyone come in?”

“Oh shut up,” you grumbled. “He looks familiar…is that..”

“Freddy.” He finished for you. Right. The dude from the cafe. 

“He crashes here sometimes.” He added.

You nodded. “Alright.”

“Shall we?” He opened a door beside him and looked at you. 

“Right. Yeah, of course.” You walked past him and into his room. You stopped after you entered, taking a moment to look around. His room was simple, with just his bed, a desk and chair, and a dresser perched next to another door you assumed was his closet. 

What really caught your attention, however, were the photos scattered all over the walls. The room was practically engulfed in Peter Parker’s memories, and you really liked it. Without thinking, you approached one wall, walking through them and taking each one in. 

There were some with large groups of people, those looked like school trips. Most of the photos were of the same two people, and based on what he’d told you, you assumed those were his friends. Ned and MJ. 

A lot of the photos contained an older woman, who looked stunning. That had to be his Aunt May. You were shocked by how many photos he had with the Tony Stark. He’d told you he had an internship at Stark Industries, but really, you sorta thought he just went on coffee runs all day. 

And then, you saw a couple shots of Spider-Man. It wasn’t unusual, you knew a lot of people snapped photos of the masked hero when they spotted him around the city. What was unusual, was the quality of the photos. You didn’t know if you’d ever seen such clear photos of him, even on the news, as he was always swinging and in motion. In these, Peter seemed to have caught him at just the right time. You wondered how long it took him to capture the photos.

“Big fan?” You smirked over at him from your spot by one of the Spider-Man photos as you repeated your words from earlier. 

Peter leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, content with watching go over the details of his life. He felt a little naked, like he was bared out in front of you. But…it felt good too. He liked knowing you were learning new things about him, and curious to know more. It filled him with an anxious sort of giddiness.

“You first,” he said slyly.

Laughing, you said, “Well, I don’t see how anyone can hate on the guy. He literally runs around saving lives”

He laughed as he approached you, standing by your side. You’d be surprised. “True I guess.”

“We should get to studying,” you said, breezing past him, your hand brushing his bicep as you did. He sucked in a breath, his entire body feeling electrocuted after that one touch. He wondered how you seemed so normal, laying out your books and papers on the floor beside his bed. 

This was gonna be a long night. 

He cleared his throat and moved to sit across from you, hoping he didn’t look as flushed as he felt. 

After a few moments of him watching you get settled, you heard him start laughing. Looking up you asked, “What’s so funny?”

That only made him laugh harder. “Just thinking about how scared you got before. Did you really not see him?”

You felt your face go hot. “I didn’t! I had no clue he was there, and next thing I know he’s making lawn mower nosies!”

Peter was red in the face now. “The way you flew back,” he said between fits of laughter, “I thought you’d give yourself whiplash.”

“Shut up,” you grumbled at him, picking up one of your pens and throwing it at him. It bounced off without him even flinching. 

You looked down, avoiding his gaze by busying yourself with your papers. 

“Okay I’m ready to be serious now,” he said. The laughter was gone but amusement twinkled in his voice. 

“Great! Welcome back Pete, now hand me that pen, I’m gonna need it.”

Two hours later, you were both sprawled across the floor tossing Chess-Its at one another. 

“Come on!” You threw your arms up in defeat when you threw another cracker at him just for him to catch it again. 

Peter chuckled, “Sorry angel, I’ve just got killer reflexes.”

“Alright whatever,” You rolled your eyes. “Come on, throw some at me.”

You opened your mouth, ready to finally win one round of this nonsense…just for a Cheez-It to hit your cheek and fall to the ground with the rest of your tries. 

Peter laughed while you sat up, reached to grab the box of crackers, and poured some into your hand before putting it back down. 

“Okay, I’m done. I actually want to eat them now.” You said, munching on a cracker and sitting against the side of his bed. 

“Oh come on, don’t be a quitter Y/N/N,” he grinned, leaning over and pinching your cheek. 

You swatted his hand away with your empty one. “M’not.”

He smiled at you before sitting up. “Hit me,” he said, opening his mouth and pointing at it. 

You grabbed a Cheez-It from the palm of your hand and made a big show of trying to get your aim right. Squinting one eye, you stared at him, moving your hand back and forth before tossing it slightly more to the right. On purpose. 

That didn’t stop him from leaning over and catching it in his mouth. 

“I don’t like this game,” you said, narrowing your eyes at him. 

“Don’t act like I don’t know what you did,” he said back, munching on his Cheez-it. 

“Sue me,” you told him, brushing him off with a wave of your hand. 

He laughed before he settled down. “How’s your hand feeling by the way.” His voice was considerably softer now, making you smile softly at him. 

“It’s doing great, thank you again, Peter. I would’ve been totally fucked if it weren’t for you,” you told him honestly. 

He shook his head, “Don’t thank me at all Y/N. Hate seeing you hurt,” he mumbled, less to you and more to himself and he stayed staring at your wrapped-up hand. 

“Well don’t worry about that, it doesn’t hurt at all.”

“Yeah?” He looked at you suddenly, like he needed to know you meant it. 

“Yeah,” you nodded at him. 

“That’s good,” he breathed out and your heart squeezed at how much he seemed to care. 

“What's your plan? Y’know, for after school?” You didn’t want to leave just yet, even with your studying done. And you wanted to know more about him. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t taken a certain liking to him lately. 

“Well after I get my degree, I’m going move up a little further in Stark Industries. I’m still undecided on grad school, I think I’ve got everything I need and I’m probably just gonna start saving up to pay off student loans instead of adding on them.”

You nodded at him, “So the Stark internship is going well? No offense, I sort of thought you were their coffee mule.” You grinned at him before popping a Cheez-It in your mouth. 

He scoffed, “No, I’m not. I mean, it did take a while to get them to take me seriously, but I got there!”

You laughed, “Well, very proud of you Pete. That’s super impressive.”

He grinned at you, his face heating up at your words. He wondered if you knew how much it affected him every time you called him Pete. Probably not, but he never wanted you to stop. 

You two stayed like that for another hour or so, time passing by without you noticing at all. You talked about your futures, where you say yourselves after school, and after that. Your admiration for him only grew as you got to know him more. You could talk to him all night and never get bored honestly, you-

Shit. 

A random notification lit up your phone, which lay beside you on the floor, making you take notice of the time. 

You sat up quickly, spitting out curses as you started gathering your belongings and shoving them into your bag. 

Peter sat up as well, helping you get your things together but in a calmer manner than yourself. 

“Relax Y/N,” he said in a soothing voice. 

“Pete I can’t do it.” You turned to him suddenly, dropping everything in your hands. 

“Do what, angel?”

“The exam is tomorrow. I’m not ready! I’m gonna fail, and that one grade, that one stupid grade, is gonna hold me back and ruin everything-”

“Sweetheart look at me,” he said, placing a hand on your shoulder. His grip was warm and reassuring. “You are not going to fail. And I know this because I’ve spent the last few hours studying with you, and I saw how smart you are, and how quick you caught on. You’re gonna walk in there tomorrow and ace that test, I know you are!

“And if for some reason you don’t,” he continued, “you gave it your best. You tried your hardest and you learned something, which is all that matters in the end. So breathe, stop stressing, and let me walk you home.”

“All that talk as an excuse to ask to take me home?” You snorted, “Peter you shouldn’t have.” Despite your jokes, you took his advice and took a deep breath. He was right, you’d studied your hardest, both with and without his help. All you could do was take the exam and hope for the best now.

He laughed and stood up, holding out a hand once he saw you all packed and ready. “Caught me. So is that a yes?”

You took his hand and pulled yourself up but didn’t let go right away. “If I fail, do we have to stop hanging out? Y’know, with you being a science prodigy and all.”

He laughed again and placed both his hands on your shoulder, staring straight into your eyes. “Never.”

“Ok, well, just making sure. I wouldn’t wanna give you a bad rep in the science community or something-”

You were suddenly cut off from your babbling when he pressed his lips to yours. You froze for a second, unsure what to do, but it didn’t take long for you to catch up and kiss him back. 

He pulled away after a few moments, “Done with the jokes?” His voice was soft and teasing.

“Uh huh,” you mumbled, eyes still closed. “But I think you might need to do that again, just to be sure.”

He chuckled murmuring something that sounded like ‘too cute’ but you couldn’t be bothered to hear when you felt his lips on yours again, this time, expecting them. 

You threw your arms around his neck, pulling him closer and canting your head slightly for better access. He groaned, one arm wrapping around your middle, the other settling on your waist.

You might have pictured kissing him before, just maybe. But none of your daydreaming could’ve prepared you for the real thing. The way his bottom lip covered your top one, the soft breaths exchanged between the two of you, the way he pressed himself further into you when you tugged his hair a little harder. This definitely beat all of your daydreams. 

You could’ve stayed that way forever, and you probably would’ve if Peter hadn’t taken one for the team and pulled away first. 

Or tried to, at least. 

“We should-” kiss. 

“You-” kiss. 

“I need to walk,” kiss, “-you home angel.” He murmured against your lips.

“Okay,” you whispered back but you didn’t move to pull away, and he didn’t push you. The two of you stayed stuck, foreheads pressed together, eyes closed, taking in the atmosphere of each other. 

“I should probably go now,” you said softly. Peter hummed in agreement, leaning in to peck your lips gently. 

“It’s getting late,” but your voice is more of a sigh. You don’t know what he’s laced his lips with but each kiss makes you weak in the knees and woozier than the last one.

“God, d’yknow I’ve had the biggest crush on you.” He said, completely disregarding your previous statement. 

That stops you. “What?” You asked him in disbelief. Peter had a crush on you? No way, you would’ve known. 

“Yeah,” he chuckled lightly, “don’t act so shocked. I was always a stuttering mess at work whenever you so much as looked at me.”

True. But you’d just thought he was a bit more on the shy side. 

“I’d seen you around campus before and I thought you were the prettiest girl I’d ever seen, and I still do, but I thought I had no shot in hell with you. And when I got the job at the cafe and saw I’d be working with you? I almost lost my fucking mind sweetheart.” You both laughed a little and you couldn’t help the way your cheeks flamed up because of his words. Did he have any clue what he was doing to you right now?

“So I just sorta kept my distance, y’know? Admired you from afar ‘cause I was too scared you’d reject me. Sadly, it only took you nearly burning your hand off,” he gave you a look and you burst into giggles, him doing you and slightly pinching your waist, “for me to get over myself and actually keep up a conversation with you. But now I’ve got you in my room, kissing me.”

“Hmm,” you hummed, “lucky you.” You joked as leaned in to press another kiss to his lips. 

“Lucky me indeed,” he murmured before pulling you in even deeper. He dipped you, making you squeal into the kiss. Then he pulled you up, unable to keep the kiss going any longer with how hard he was grinning.

“Oh my god,” you said, laughing breathlessly. 

“A lot more where that came from,” he smirked at you. 

“You know,” you moved to pick up your bag, “for someone who was so scared to talk to me for so long, you sure found the confidence now.”

“What can I say? You make it easy. Once I started I couldn’t stop.” You smiled at him as he gently placed a hand on your arm leading you to the door. The living room was empty now, no one to be found on the couch or otherwise and you wondered where their cat had wandered off to.

You bent over to put on your shoes, Peter doing the same. He stepped forward and opened the door for you, letting you step out before following you and locking the door. 

As soon as he was done with that, you reached over and grabbed his hand. “Hey Petey?” You said lightly. Oh, he was going to melt. From now on, he only wanted you to call him that.

“Hm?”

“I’m glad you finally decided to talk to me.” 

He leaned down and kissed the top of your head. “Yeah? Me too angel.”

The next morning, you awoke in the brightest mood, considering you had a chemistry exam later that day. All you could think about was Peter. You were going to see him later at the cafe and you couldn’t wait. 

You leaned over in bed to pick up your phone. Speak of the devil. 

GOOD MORNINGGGGG❤️

hope you slept well angel, can’t wait to see you today. and you’re gonna totally ace that exam!🥰

seriously you’re going to kick chemistry’s butt

A huge smile bloomed on your face, almost hurting from how wide it was. Usually, you'd stay in bed for a while, scrolling through Instagram or just going through messages or something. Not today, you couldn’t wait to get to work. Maybe Peter was a good influence on you. 

After getting ready for the day, you made your way to the cafe with a little bounce in your steps. The bell jingled above you as you opened the door and for the first time since you’d started working together, Peter was here before you. 

“Hey,” he smiled, holding up your usual drink order and waving it at you. 

“Hi Pete,” you approached his, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips. As you pulled away, you could see how quickly his cheeks pinked, making you grin. 

“No ‘Petey’?”

“Didn’t know you had a preference,” you said, grabbing his hand and pulling it towards you as you took a sip from the drink and then moved to get dressed for your shift. 

“Yeah,” he scratched the back of his neck, wishing he could feel your hand on his for just a little longer, “neither did I.”

You laughed lightly as you tied your apron, the sound hitting him like the greatest melody in the world. 

“Okay then,” you walked towards him, stopping right in front of him, “let’s start over. Hi Petey.”

“Hi angel,” he gave you a dopey grin and you returned it. 

“Great, now that we’ve got that figured out.” You patted his chest lightly before taking the drink from his hands and moving away. 

“Hey wait! Where’s my kiss?” He pouted at you and he looked so adorable, you just wanted to pinch his cheeks and kiss him till he begged you to stop.

“We’re at work, we’ve gotta be professional.” You said matter-of-factly. 

He rolled his eyes, leaned against the counter, and crossed his arms. “Professional my ass, no one is even in here-,”

Before he could even close his mouth, the bell jingled, and in stepped a boy about your age. The boy moved to one of the chairs, not moving to order just yet, giving you the chance to smirk at Peter, who just rolled his eyes again. 

“What do you he’s gonna order,” he asked you.

“Hmm…a cookie, probably.” You moved lean against the counter across from him and took a sip of your drink as you smiled. 

“Hey wait, you never told me what your drink order is.”

“Hmm…” he hummed in consideration before he moved towards you, grabbing your hand with the drink and bringing it up to his lips to steal a sip, maintaining eye contact the whole time. 

“I’ve got to say,” he said in a low voice, “this one has really grown on me.”

You couldn’t look away, all you could do was stare. And stare, and stare, and stare…

A stranger’s voice, and then, “Hey, can I get one of those double chocolate chip cookies?”

You were just on cloud nine today. 

You had taken your exam and for the first time ever in that class, you had felt confident in your work. 

And to top it all off, after you’d handed in your paper and packed your things to leave, Professor Hall had given you a ‘well done’ nod. You! He’d never noticed you positively before. You were going to need to drown Peter in thank-you kisses for his help. 

Speaking of Peter, you couldn’t wait to see him. He told you he’d be waiting for you after your class but when you stepped outside, there was no sign of him. You decided to sit on the building steps and wait. He was probably just running a little late, no biggie. 

Big biggie. After 40 minutes of waiting for him, during which you’d sent him a little text and he hadn’t responded, you decided to head over to his place. 

The walk was short and your little buzz had worn off after not getting to share it with Peter. After all, you kind of owed him most of the credit. You arrived at his apartment door, and when you knocked, it wasn't Peter who answered. 

It's Freddy. 

You throw on a smile. “Hi Freddy, is Peter home?”

He returned your smile as he said, “‘Sup Y/N.” He held out his fist and you stared at it for a while before you got the hint and bumped it with your own. “Pete’s not home right now, but you can totally come in and wait for him.”

You found it funny that someone who didn’t live there was inviting you in to stay, but you accepted anyway. You also had no clue how he knew your name. 

You knew little about Freddy, but you knew he was sort of a campus celebrity. Every raging party there was, everyone knew Freddy was behind it. 

“So,” you said as you walked in, “what year are you in Freddy?”

“Ah nah, I’m done with that shit. I took the bar,” he said casually, waving a hand and moving to sit on the couch. He kicked his feet up on the large Amazon box being used as a coffee table and picked up the open beer sitting atop it. 

You stood in your place, clutching your bag. He was in grad school?

“Oh that’s awesome dude, did you not pass or something.”

“Uh uh,” he shook his head, taking a swig of beer, “got a 350.”

Your eyes widened. What. You didn’t know much about law school but you knew getting a score like that on the bar was not an easy thing. 

“Wait when’d you take it?” You asked confused. The bar exam wasn’t scheduled for a few months from now. 

“Last year.”

“Do you like…work at a firm or something?” It was insane to you that the party animal of this school had already graduated, and with an amazing score nonetheless. 

He shook his head, “Workin' on my music right now, and if that doesn’t work out,” he gave you a wicked grin, “well I’ve always got my law degree.”

You nodded, stunned. “That’s sick dude. Good luck,” you told him, waving as you moved to wait in Peter’s room. 

“Keep the door cracked kids,” he shouted towards you and you huffed a laugh as you entered the room and closed the door (leaving it open just an inch) before you sat at the foot of his bed. 

You looked around for a second, taking it all in. It’s amazing how he managed to take this small space and make it so him. 

After a few moments, you took out your phone to shoot him another text. 

But before you could finish typing it out, the window beside you started opening and you watched as the Spider-Man fell onto the bed, not noticing you gaping right next to him. 

You stayed silent, unsure of what to do or say until he moved to take his mask off. That got you moving and talking. 

“Holy fuck!” You basically shout, moving away, hands flying to your mouth. 

He seemed to be just as shocked as you were because he scrambled up from his lying position. And staring back at you was Peter Parker. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked you, eyes wide. It wasn’t till then that you noticed the paleness of his features, his face lacking that usually healthy glow it held, the waver in his voice, and the hand clutching his bloody side. 

“Holy fuck,” you repeated, voice lower, and for a whole different reason this time. “Shit Peter, you’re hurt.” You moved closer to him, temporarily forgetting everything else as your hand reached to gently remove his so you could take in the extent of his injuries. 

“It’s nothing,” he said but made no move to shove you away or stop you. You moved his hand and winced at the sight that greeted you, “Looks like a whole lot more than nothing babe.”

“I’ve had worse.”

You look up at him, frowning slightly, “Not exactly reassuring Petey.”

“I feel all better now,” he said, shooting you a charming grin as soon as he heard the nickname leave your mouth. “Add a kiss in the mix, and I’ll be good as new.”

You huffed a laugh, shoving his knee slightly, “Shut up Peter. I’m serious. I’m sure you’ve got some experience with stuff like this,” you wave a hand towards his suit and injury for emphasis and he gives you a quick nod. 

“Over there,” he pointed toward his dresser, “top shelf, under the blue sweater.”

You rushed over there, opening the drawer and spotting the sweater he mentioned. “I’m totally stealing that from you someday, this is your heads up,” you told him as you grabbed the large box and completely closed the door before you moved back to his side. 

“You can have anything of mine, Angel. I’m sure you’d look better in it anyway.” His words made you blush, but you tried to ignore them so you could focus on the task at hand. 

Peter, however, found that he really liked watching your cheeks pink up. And he wanted more. 

“Lean against the headboard, now.” You said, trying to be serious again. 

“God, at least buy me dinner first sweetheart.” He gave you the dorkiest smirk you’d ever seen. You just glared at him. “On the other hand,” he said as he moved backward to lean against his headboard, “I don’t need dinner, I’m all yours baby girl.”

This got you to laugh, “Peter, be serious! You’re bleeding out!” You moved to his side, “take this off by the way.” You gestured to his suit. 

He hit the middle emblem of a spider and you watched as it loosened up and fell off his shoulders. You had started pulling it the rest of the way down, gulping when you realized he wasn’t wearing anything else, when he mumbled, “Not a terrible way to go.”

You refused to look up and meet his eyes but he knew he got you. Thank god he was wearing underwear, you realized, and you threw the suit to the side after you’d completely shredded him of it. He was definitely going to need a new one. 

Now completely facing the damage, your stomach churned, and you were hit with the hard truth. “I…I don’t know what to do,” you whispered to him. You wanted to help him, more than anything. This man who’s been risking his life, probably since he was a teenager you realized, as you did the math silently in your head, was hurt and right in front of you, needing your help. And you needed to help him, but you didn’t know the first thing about how to approach a situation like this. You were surprised you could stare at the wound for so long. 

“Don’t worry, I can do it,” he said gently, his bloody hand reaching for the huge first aid kit. 

“No!” You rushed out, grabbing his hand to stop him, “No way am I letting you do that! Just…just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.

Feeling more confident, you grabbed the kit and opened it. Shock coursed you as you realized just how much he went through and your confidence fell right back down where it sprouted from. The bag was full of all the medical tools and supplies you could think of, most of them completely foreign to you, and you realized how privileged you must be to not recognize any of these things. You can’t imagine the ‘worse’ he talked about having earlier. This must be those accidents he was talking about.

“I don’t usually have to use them,” his voice was soft, almost like he was reassuring you, “usually just water and a towel does the trick. Maybe a little numbing cream. And these,” he looked down at his wounds, “some bandages, sure, but I won’t need stitches or anything.”

You let out a breath of relief, you weren’t sure you could’ve handled that. You didn’t trust yourself.

“Okay,” you said, grabbing some wipes. You were going to do this. Based on what he’d told you, he was always stitching himself back up, just to hit the streets again the next day. This time, though, was different. This time you were here to help him, and you weren’t going chicken out of this. Even a little help was better than nothing at all. 

You started slowly, cleaning around his wounds so you could bandage them properly. “You sure you’re okay with this?” He asked you gently. “I totally understand if you need me to do it, angel, it’s a lot if you’re not used to it.”

“No,” you shook your head, your voice steady, “No way. It’s my turn to fix you up.” You told him, looking up to meet his eyes and smiling at him. 

He returned it and you went back to work. 

“So….Spider-Man, huh?” You peeked up quickly in question. 

“Yeah,” he took a deep breath, “it’s a long story. Basically, I was bit by some spider, that shit was powerful,” you laughed a little, making him smile. “And I got some. Of its powers I mean.”

“So you get bit by a spider, that spider gives you powers, and you decide to become a New York vigilante?”

“Pretty much, yeah,” he nodded, and you laughed again. 

“You’re a hell of a guy Peter Parker.” You said, shaking your head slightly. 

“Thank you, I try,” he smirked at you and you laughed again. 

“Okay,” you said, pulling away from his side. He almost whined in protest. Honestly, he wasn’t feeling any pain, not since you’d started worrying about him, and insisting you help him. Peter wasn’t used to that, he was always alone when it came to this part of the job. He’d never minded that before, just one of the things he had to deal with as a superhero, but now that someone else was taking care of him…it felt nice. Really nice. Especially when it was you. 

“Peter?” You looked at him questioningly. Shit. You’d asked him something.  

“Huh? I'm sorry, I didn’t hear you.” He said with wide eyes. He’d gotten too wrapped up in the feeling of being taken care of, not that anyone could blame him though, the girl he’d been crushing on forever was here, in his room, helping bandage him up! It's more than he could’ve dreamed of. 

“It’s okay sweetie,” you said, waving him off assuming he was in pain or something. Really, now he had something new to obsess over. Sweetie? While he was practically naked (albeit injured, but he wasn’t thinking of that right now) in bed with you? God, he could just melt.

“I was just wondering which bandages,” you said, holding up the different ones you’d found in his bag. 

“Oh,” he said lamely, “these ones.” He grabbed a few from you and opened them. 

“Look,” he said, leaning over himself to see his wounds properly, “you’ve got to bring together both sides of the wound, then secure the bandage so that it’s holding it closed.” He talked as he placed the first bandage with you watching and listening with intent. 

“Okay, I think I’ve got it,” you said as you took the rest of the bandages from him. You steadied yourself, straddling his thigh as you started placing the bandages down his wound. The biggest gash took about five, your elbow resting on his abdomen as you got lower…and lower. 

Conveniently, you missed the quiver in his breath, too focused on the work at hand, but you didn’t miss the small gasp he let out when your forearm reached right between his thighs. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” You said as you pulled away quickly, thinking you’d hurt him. “Did I pinch too hard?”

“No, no angel, you’re fine. Doing a great job actually.” He replied, trying to collect himself. He could not let himself think of that right now. There were more important things at hand. 

“You sure?” You asked him, not looking convinced.

“Positive.” He replied, grabbing your arm and pulling you back in (but making sure to keep you at a healthy distance from his dick). 

You added a few more bandages, most of the cuts only needing one or two, before pulling away again to rummage through his bag. “What do you use on your bruises?”

“This one,” he said, leaning over you and grabbing a tube from the kit. You turned, your lips almost brushing over each other with how close you were. 

“Hi,” you whispered, all thoughts completely flying out of your head as you realized just how badly you wanted to kiss him. 

“Hi angel,” he said smiling softly at you. 

Seeing you debate it in your head, Peter decided it would be easier for the both of you if he did it first. Leaning in, he closed the distance and smoothly took your lips in his. You melted into the kiss right away, feeling like you’d been craving this your whole life when really, you’d just kissed his a few hours ago before you’d left work. 

Your hands were on his bare chest, you could feel every muscle, every move when-

“Wait, you’re hurt!” You pulled away, leaving a pouting Peter in your wake. 

“My lips work just fine angel,” he said, trying to steal another kiss while you tried to avoid him. 

“But..let me finish at least,” you mumbled against his lips, barely getting a chance to pull away after he’d caught you. 

“You can finish, just lemme do this first,” he responded before kissing you again.

“Hey,” you mumbled against his lips. 

He hummed in response, moving to kiss your cheek, your jawline. If he kept this up you might not try to stop him. 

“Did you know Freddy took the bar exam? And passed?”

That got him to pull away. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking at you confusedly, “I’m kissing you and you decide this a good time to bring up Freddy?”

“Well, y’know,” you shrugged, “figured it was as good a time as any.”

He scoffed, “Unbelievable.”

You giggled, “I win.” You pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, pulling away before he could catch you and turn it into more.

“Now lay down, lemme do this,” you said waving the cream at him. 

He moved grumpily and you thought grumpy Peter was the cutest thing ever. The furrow of his brows, the slight pout of his lips. You could just kiss him. And you would’ve if you hadn’t known where it would lead you. 

You unscrewed the cap to the cream and started applying it gently. “So Fred’s a lawyer huh?” Peter spoke up. 

“He is!” You whispered excitedly, glad he was just as shocked as you were. 

“And you learned this how?” He asked, giving you a look. 

You shrugged. “He let me in and I talked to him, asked him a few questions to get to know him better since I see him everywhere.” 

“Wait, he’s here right now?”

“Yeah,” you said slowly, “I thought you knew?”

“No I didn’t-,” he let out a sigh, “whatever it's basically his apartment too at this point I guess.”

You laughed, “And you’re okay with that?”

He shrugged with his good side. “He buys the good beer.”

You laughed again. “He scored a 350 on the bar exam!”

Peter’s brows shot up. “Oh shit.”

“I know! The only thing I knew about him was that he blacked out in that frat house’s pool all night and the cops were called cause someone thought he was dead.”

“Yeah, he’s super lucky he was on his back. Just floated around the pool like a leaf.”

You shook your head, screwing the cap back on the tube of cream, “Crazy. But anyway, I’m done. And on the plus side,” you grinned at him, “if you ever get in legal trouble, you know someone!”

He laughed out loud, and you watched as his face scrunched up and he clutched his side in pain. Apologizing for the joke, you gave him a kiss on the cheek to make up for it. 

“Enough about crazy Freddy,” he let out a sigh, “I’m gonna go put some clothes on, and then I wanna cuddle with my girl.”

Your heart skipped a beat at his words and all you could do was smile as he stood up, giving you a kiss on the side of your head before he moved to pick out some clothes.

You watched him get dressed, biting your lip as you watched how his muscles rippled with each of his movements. You always knew he was strong but seeing him like that, was a completely different story. 

“Like what you see?” He asked, smirking at you before he lifted his shirt, holding it up between his teeth as he tied his sweatpants. 

Your mouth fell open. At being caught and also at…how absolutely hot he looked right now. If he wasn’t injured, you would be all. over. him. 

“S’alright angel,” he said as he stalked towards you. He was enjoying this, a lot. “I’m sure I’d be the same if the roles were reversed.”

That did not help. Now you were thinking about being naked in front of Peter and-

He laughed, kissed the side of your head again, and laid down, pulling next to him. 

“Careful Peter, you’re still hurt!” You chastised him. 

He shook his head, “You made me feel a hundred times better. Thank you, angel.”

“Of course Petey.” He smiled at you as he wrapped his arms around you, hugging you tight. 

“So, you came to see me right? Y’know, before the whole finding out I’m Spider-Man thing. What’s up?”

“Oh I almost forgot,” you perked up, tilting your head up so you could see his face, “I think I totally aced that chemistry exam!”

“Angel! I’m so proud of you!” He started attacking you with kisses, kissing you anywhere his lips could reach. 

You giggled, “Thank you sweetie, but seriously I owe you most of the credit, I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Nonsense,” he shook his head, “that was all you. I barely helped, you learned everything and then took that quiz, and aced it.”

“Well I haven’t gotten my grade back yet, I just have a really good feeling, so don’t sound too are there's a chance I didn’t do as well as I thought.”

“Nope,” he said, popping the p. “I have a sense, a spidey sense. And my spidey sense is telling me that you totally aced that thing. No questions asked.”

You laughed loudly. “Spidey sense?”

“No questions,” he repeated as he nuzzled his nose into your hair. 

“Fine then,” you snuggled up further into him. “No questions.”

[lemmetreatya]

content: black coded reader, soft ony omg, cunnilingus, blowjob

nerd!onyankopon who doesnt get into too much trouble and sticks to himself during most of uni

nerd!onyankopon whos so good to you — always cheering you on with your hobbies and making you feel secure within your relationship. he didnt entertain other girls and even when they did have the audacity to try it with him, he knew how to stay faithful.

“look sweetheart, im flattered you’d try move to me but imma tell you two reasons why im turning you down.”

the blonde girl gave nerd!onyankopon a quizzical look, her eyebrows raising at the sheer distraught of a man denying her.

“reason two, my beautiful wife of a girlfriend over there wouldn’t like that.” hed say as he pointed to you. “but reason number one, is because i wouldn’t like that and neither want to do wrong by her a day in my life. now do us both a favour and keep it pushing.”

nerd!onyankopon who knew he was smart but didnt allow his intelligence to undermine how you felt in the relationship. if you said the stars were made yesterday then nerd!onyankopon would agree and fight anyone who disagreed.

nerd!onyankopon who was superb at time-keeping but when it came to spending time with you, would rather throw time away just so he could be in your presence undisturbed.

“shawty, imma be real with you right now” nerd!onyankopon flops his head onto the warmness of your plush thighs, his throat making a whiney noise along with it. “i really dont wanna study for this final.”

you can only but laugh at his uncompliance, your hand automatically lifting to pat at his head.

“come on, pa. you know this shits important.” you try.

“yeah but i have no incentive to do it.”

with a raised eyebrow, you give your pouting boyfriend a look.

“you want an incentive? oh okay, ill give you an incentive.” you giggle as you lean down to whisper something* into his ear.

all of a sudden, nerd!onyankopon is shooting upwards to look at you, his eyes wide and his smile addictive.

“for real?!” he beams.

“for real for real!”

nerd!onyankopon doesnt waste time in scrambling to go sit at his desk and start revising, suddenly excited for what you had in store for him.

*(you promised him you’d play 2K with him)

nerd!onyankopon who was nervous to approach the topic of sex with you because he didn’t want to make you feel pressured into anything or make you feel like he just wanted you for your body.

nerd!onyankopon was adamant that he sat down and had an open conversation with you about how to approach your sex life — and you did — but it turns out you both had the same concerns and were pretty much on the same page

nerd!onyankopon who waited a few weeks before trying anything.

nerd!onyankopon who somehow ended up between your legs whilst you were watching a random movie. his mouth understanding against your cunt as he made out with your lower lips. how hed occasionally glance up at you or squeeze your hand to make sure you were okay, loving the small pretty sounds you made whenever he’d sensually suckle on your clit.

how he’d say “you dont have to return anything” once you’d come down from your high. “i just wanted to make you feel good” but you’re adamant you always want to make him feel the way he made you.

youve never heard nerd!onyankopon make these sort of noises before — the experience is so new to you both — but you love how short his breaths are when you suck at the head of his dick and then engulf your mouth over the rest of him.

how nerd!onyankopon cant help but give you praises of “you’re so good at this, mama” or “just like that, jusssst like that, princess”.

even when hes about to cum, nerd!onyankopon is still so patient with you. “im g-gonna…baby, take your…let go, im gonna cum.” you unclamp your mouth from his cock, eyes doey as you look up at him, but not all before he lets out a guttural moan and spurts his load over your cheeks and top lip.

“oh my god, im so sorry.” hed try to issue an apology, thinking youd be put off by where he landed but you only shake your head.

“don’t worry. its fine. i just wanted to make you feel good” you echo and nerd!onyankopon has to stop himself from falling more in love

for: @neptunes1nterweb

[saturnsbabyboii]

The Black Moon Lilith in the signs and houses (Our core fear, inner saboteur, healing and transformation)

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Note: I heavily use the work of Laura Walker’s book that I will reference. I used her wording and point of view from the book because she worded better than I could. So don’t come for me with any plagiarism crap. Thank you.

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"power comes from strife"

                                                 ୧‿︵‿୨

Black Moon Lilith operates on unseen levels. It pertains to hidden information, exposes secrets, and brings our core and primary fears to light. Fears from our shadow side cause us to undermine ourselves, and even others. Black Moon Lilith is the lingering feeling that stabs your consciousness and triggers you; If you don't listen to it, you'll grow vicious and paranoid of others and yourself.

My interpretation of the shadow is that it is the home of our primal fear. A fear that has significant power in our lives. It is based on primal, instinctual levels and operates on survival principles. The primary fear is a primary motivator for many of our life decisions.

In the book "The Astrology of the Black Moon: A Guide to Healing the Shadow Side" (Walker, 2011)

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The writer identified the twelve signs and their innate and core fears:

ARIES: fear of unworthiness

Theme: The Shadow of Success

Primary Fear: fear of unworthiness

Self-judgment: how well one performs or measures up

Issues: success; identity; questions about inherent value, self-esteem, and merit

Projection: others‟ success and worthiness are based on what they have attained or accomplished

Goals: to not compare yourself to others; to not measure personal success by anyone else standards, to value yourself as a unique expression of the Creator, therefore, creating self-esteem

Manifestation: The Black Moon in Aries manifests in the intense quest to be valued and feel worthy. However, a deep-seated feeling of unworthiness is in conflict with this quest, often causing beneficial opportunities to be passed up. In life, we are only able to receive what we think we deserve, and when we feel undeserving, we will avoid or reject people, jobs, or options that we feel are too good for us. Self-sabotaging behavior often occurs with the Black Moon in Aries. There can also be a need to prove ones worthiness to others, even in the form of subtle bragging. The Black Moon in Aries staunchly defends itself and rejects anything that does not fall in line with its ideas and beliefs. 

Healing and Transcending:

With the Black Moon in Aries, the belief in inherent unworthiness must be faced. Simply by virtue of being born, we are entitled to and worthy of the joys of life. If All is One, then none are less than others. Each of us carries a spark of the Divine - none are excluded. Healing occurs when we are able to see ourselves as successful and worthy because we are a child of the Universe. When we recognize this, we understand that all other gauges are external and superficial. By holding ourselves in high regard, we naturally align with our highest and best.

Examine where you have settled for less than you wished.

Ask yourself what you would do if somehow, magically, a wand was waved and you were deemed worthy. Strive to connect with this vision. 

Ask yourself how much the appearance of success plays in your life. 

Ask yourself what you are always trying to win. When you discover the answer, decide if you really want it. Is it worth the effort? By practicing the awareness that you do not have to be the best in every situation, you will come to a natural state of internal balance.

Black Moon in Aries: Johnny Cash, Kurt Cobain, Albert Einstein, Elizabeth I, Mahatma Gandhi, Michael Jackson, Prince, Vladimir Lenin, Mary Queen of Scots, Justin Bieber, Katy Perry, Mark Zuckerberg

Black Moon in the 1st House 

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are deeply related to how we feel about ourselves. The shadow side is ingrained in how we use our personal energy, what motivates us and our sense of overall wellbeing. Personal appearance or the way we appear to others is often a major concern. If the shadow is heavily in control, our behavior patterns will strongly reflect it. This placement of the Black Moon is intensely personal and our shadow issues will have a dramatic impact on our lives. 

Gift: The gift of the shadow is the vast amount of personal energy at our disposal. This level of energy can produce fantastic healers and immensely creative individuals. We can accomplish monumental feats and have an uncanny ability to turn “negatives” into “positives.”

TAURUS: fear of scarcity

Theme: The Shadow of Security

Primary Fear: fear of scarcity

Self-judgment: how secure/safe one is by the level of comfort

Issues: having enough to feel safe; compulsive consumption; insecurities

Projection: the tendency to criticize others for being lazy, irresponsible (especially with money), or unconventional

Goals: to not fill the void with “things,” to stretch beyond your comfort zone

Manifestation: With Black Moon in Taurus, the more we have, the more comfortable we feel. In turn, the more comfortable we feel, the safer we think we are. With this placement, there is an intense need to feel comfortable because there is a generalized feeling of being unsafe in the world. The Black Moon in Taurus manifests in an almost insatiable desire to consume and accumulate possessions, money, or anything that makes us feel safe and secure. However, no matter how much we acquire, it will never be enough because the void that we are trying to fill cannot be filled in this way. It may be filled momentarily, but the core feeling of insecurity will soon return. Oftentimes, the end result of this constant attempt to satisfy the fear of not having enough is the accumulation of debt, weight, or responsibilities – usually the exact things we are trying to avoid. With this placement of the Black Moon, there is an intense need to feel satisfied. Insecurities are held very deeply and there is tremendous fear of others knowing those insecurities. 

Healing and Transcending:

The belief that the world is unsafe must be confronted. Integrating the idea that we have all that we need inside is what heals this shadow. When we build on who we really are inside, we no longer need to accumulate possessions to feel secure. When we accept that all is going according to a divine plan, we no longer need to fear the events of the world. No matter what, each of us always returns to our Source. This is the security that Black Moon in Taurus seeks.

Cut back on whatever is filling the void. This will bring immediate discomfort and it will leave you with time on your hands. It is important to learn how to “not do” – to become comfortable with stillness. The next time you feel the need to take on more, buy more, or eat more, go and sit by yourself and put on some music, read, practice yoga or throttle down in some way. By practicing being still when you are most uncomfortable, you will be feeding your inner world and requiring less from the outer world.

Black Moon in Taurus: J.S. Bach, Patsy Cline, Howard Hughes, Abraham Lincoln, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Wilhelm Reich, Henry David Thoreau, Vincent van Gogh, Lady Gaga, Kanye West, Lana Del Rey, Bruce Lee, Celine Dion,  Joseph Stalin

Black Moon in the 2nd House 

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are deeply related to how secure we feel. Financial considerations seem to plague us. The shadow side blurs the lines between emotional needs and material/financial needs; attitudes toward partners can hinge on security issues. The shadow side is ingrained in our value systems, which can at times seem at odds with our behavior. 

Gift: The gift of the shadow is the generous, comfortable feeling we engender in others, resulting in many meaningful, lasting interpersonal relationships. People truly enjoy being with us, finding us not only charming but disarming.

GEMINI: fear of rejection

Theme: The Shadow of Acceptance 

Primary Fear: fear of rejection 

Self-judgment: how one compares to others 

Issues: whether others approve or disapprove 

Projection: labeling others as selfish; distaste for people who fail to do “the right thing” 

Goals: to not care if people like or want you, to not compare yourself to others, to express your individuality 

Manifestation: 

Those with the Black Moon in Gemini are morbidly afraid of rejection. They are people pleasers, which often leaves them wondering “what it is we ourselves like and dislike”. This shadow manifests as a need to make decisions or act in accordance with whatever gains acceptance from others. It is damaging to the soul to pursue a life that others wish for us, as it comes at the expense of the expression of individual talents. Actions based on or motivated by another leads to a suppression of the true self. It is a great disservice not to explore who we really are. It is also dangerous to “over-do” for others in hopes that they will like us; ultimately it leads to burn out. At the other end of the spectrum, this placement causes sudden and severe reactions to anything that hints at potential rejection, often causing serious challenges with relationships because we will reject someone before they can reject us. The Black Moon in Gemini will bail out too early or stay way too long. 

Healing and Transcending: 

With the Black Moon in Gemini, it is necessary to face the need for others‟ approval. Each of us has something special to offer the world. What is important is not if others approve of us, but if we approve of ourselves. That sounds very cliché, but with Black Moon in Gemini we need to provide our own approval. When you are able to consciously put yourself on the line to be rejected, intending that the outcome will not hinder your spirit, you will have regained the power that is trapped in the shadow side. When the shadow is healed, rejection ceases to be an issue because inner acceptance has been achieved - creating a wealth of talent that is available to the world. 

Examine where you are not being self-“ish” or operating from your true self. 

When making decisions and planning your time and resources, ask yourself who you are doing it for. The answer should always be “for myself – for my highest and best which in turn serves the highest and best of everyone.” This doesn‟t mean you are supposed to forget about others; it means that you put yourself into the equation. Healing this shadow requires vigilant monitoring of your time, energy, and money and how you spend them. It will quickly become apparent when your energy is scattered and whose approval you are seeking. By practicing making little decisions based on your own needs, you will integrate and balance you in relation to others. 

Black Moon in Gemini: Marlon Brando, Karl Marx, Frank Sinatra, Mark Twain, Mariah Carey, Joe Biden, Muhammed Ali, Frida Kahlo, Harrison Ford, Stephen Hawking, Shia LeBeouf, Kendrick Lamar, Yoko Ono

Black Moon in the 3rd House 

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are deeply related to self- expression. The shadow side is ingrained in rigid attitudes and strong opinions that can cause us an endless amount of trouble. At times there is overwhelming confusion about the direction we want to take in life. Early life has a more pronounced effect on us than others. The outgrowths of childhood weave their way through later life in the most resolute ways. Issues with siblings can linger throughout adulthood. 

Gift: The gift of the shadow is our uncanny, exacting powers of observation and communication. These talents can be applied in a multitude of ways. Also, our accuracy in perceiving situations gives us a definite advantage in life.

CANCER: fear of abandonment

Theme: The Shadow of Support 

Primary Fear: fear of abandonment 

Self-Judgment: how well one is supported; how much others do or give 

Issues: dependency; co-dependency 

Projection: tendency to dislike those we deem “needy” 

Goals: to do things for ourselves, to not be dependent or “clingy” 

Manifestation: 

Black Moon in Cancer carries a pervasive feeling of being unable to take care of oneself. This shadow manifests in the need to manipulate situations so that one is dependent on others. In this way we are assured of not being alone. This distorted sense of support wreaks havoc on relationships, as others feel burdened or smothered. Many times with the Black Moon in Cancer we feel unappreciated for the things we do for others. The chronic feeling of not being supported halts personal growth, as personal needs are met by others, not by ourselves. 

Healing and Transcending: 

The dependence on others for support must be faced. We must provide our own support by not abandoning ourselves. This means taking care of and addressing our own needs. Action that is in favor of self-sufficiency is in order. Action that is undertaken for others should be unconditional. When the concept of Oneness is integrated, the idea of abandonment is no longer valid and relationships naturally equalize to a state of balance. 

Begin doing the things that you want others to do for you all by yourself. The next time you need something that you would normally ask another to provide for you, go ahead and get it yourself. Begin with small things but work your way up to major ones. 

Do something that you never would have done on your own. By practicing doing more for yourself you will balance the shadow that depends too heavily on others. 

Set up individual systems of support such as retirement funds or other accounts. 

Black Moon in Cancer: Jimi Hendrix, Henry VIII, Janice Joplin, John F. Kennedy, Jr., Malcolm X, Princess Diana, Jennifer Aniston, Elvis Presley, Jay Z, Robin Williams, Paul McCartney, Charles Manson, Naomi Campbell, Kobe Bryant, Rupaul, Paul Newman, Al Capone

Black Moon in the 4th House 

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are related to our foundation and sense of home. The shadow is ingrained with an overidentification with home and much effort is devoted to cultivating a feeling of belonging. With this placement, relationships with parents (particularly the mother) are often difficult, especially if our parents did not provide a strong home. There is a tendency to be stuck in the past and/or unable to forgive and forget. 

Gift: The gift of the shadow is the ability to not only be sensitive to, but accommodate other people needs. If we truly trust someone, we will provide whatever is necessary to make that person happy, making us exceptional partners.

  LEO: fear of change

Theme: The Shadow of Order 

Primary Fear: fear of change 

Self-judgment: the level or station one has achieved 

Issues: order; position; arrogance; self-centeredness; jealousy 

Projection: distaste for or identification with overbearing, vain, or “selfish” people 

Goals: to identify and vocalize others‟ talents and strengths, to identify the opportunities presented by changes, to eliminate feeling jealous 

Manifestation: 

The Black Moon in Leo assaults the ego. It manifests in egocentricity and arrogance. With this placement we are frequently accused of being selfish. This is because our attention is naturally attracted to whatever reinforces our position in life. Any ideas to the contrary are quickly dismissed. The fear of change morphs into the fear of losing face or losing position. Rigid attempts to maintain the existing order, framework, or mindset are common and can lead to exhaustion. 

Healing and Transcending: 

With the Black Moon in Leo, the need for classification and designation must be faced. In truth, there is no hierarchy – All is One. Change is the nature of the Universe and change brings the opportunity for growth. We each have roles that we slip in and out of; the key is to fluidly take on positions and situations where we both lead and follow so that nothing remains static. It is also important to remember that, by definition, Divine Order is never threatened. 

Give to others. Black Moon in Leo has a tremendous capacity to uplift. ø When you encounter new situations, consider how you could empower someone else who is involved. How could you make them feel more important? Think about how you could give something of yourself to someone else. 

When you are with others, practice trying to discover something very special about them in that moment and then casually mention it. 

Try new things. By practicing changing the order of things, you are healing your shadow. 

Black Moon in Leo: Charles de Gaulle, Ernest Hemingway, Elizabeth II, Lyndon B. Johnson, John F. Kennedy, Robert F. Kennedy, Marilyn Monroe, Vladimir Putin, Jim Morrison, Pablo Picasso, Christopher Reeve, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Leo Tolstoy, Barack Obama, Rihanna, Adele

Black Moon in the 5th House 

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are related to the ability to truly enjoy life. This shadow is ingrained in pursuing, but having difficulty finding, pleasure. We are prone to take risks in order to feel stimulated. Issues with the father are found with this placement. The father may have been absent or neglectful, especially if Saturn is prominent. This shadow side may also center on children, either wanting children and not having them or not taking care of ones children. 

Gift: The gift of the shadow is resiliency. No matter how disappointed we become, we are rarely down for long. We are excellent problem solvers and leaders. We adapt well to changes and can fluidly change course in mid-stride.

  VIRGO: fear of failure

Theme: The Shadow of Ability

 Primary Fear: fear of failure 

Self-judgment: how much one works, progresses, improves, or fixes 

Issues: feelings of being inherently flawed; self-criticism 

Projection: feeling that others are not performing well enough or are incompetent 

Goals: to not focus on flaws or failures, to not do things to excess, to not feel responsible to fix everything 

Manifestation: 

Black Moon in Virgo finds flaws and then internalizes them. This shadow manifests in chronic dissatisfaction, particularly with oneself. With this placement, we often find it difficult to feel positive about ourselves for great lengths of time. All too soon, a generalized feeling of being “not good enough” creeps back in to maintain internal disequilibrium. Black Moon in Virgo constantly challenges our abilities and, in an effort to prove ourselves, we tend to maintain a very full schedule. We work very hard but can have trouble seeing the forest for the trees, as we operate under the spell of having to do more and more to prove to ourselves and others that we are not flawed. This shadow is the most adept at self punishment. 

Healing and Transcending: 

With the Black Moon in Virgo, the need to find fault must be faced. A healthier state of mind is achieved when we recognize that nothing is absolute – there is no absolute right or wrong. All levels of ability have something to contribute. Healing this shadow requires understanding that flaws are an illusion. The crucial thing to understand is that when we have the Black Moon in Virgo, we interpret the feeling of separation from Spirit as somehow our fault. Everyone has the feeling of spiritual disconnection, but Black Moon in Virgo personalizes it. This is the root cause of why we feel flawed. To heal the shadow, we must accept that to some degree, this feeling is merely a by-product of the physical experience of life. 

Examine where you feel you have failed. Upon closer inspection, what caused the “failure?” Was it really your fault? Was there really more you could have done or was it just not meant to be? Can you forgive yourself and others for not doing better? 

Can you walk away from “failures” and feel enriched simply by having had the experience? Time is the true test of what is, at the time, perceived to be a failure. By focusing on the experience as opposed to the outcome, the shadow of ability is healed.

Black Moon in Virgo: Alexander Graham Bell, Benazir Bhutto, Sigmund Freud, Galileo, George Washington, 14th Dalai Lama, William Shakespeare, Jon Bon Jovi

Black Moon in the 6th House 

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are related to health and work. At times there can be problems with co-workers, particularly regarding perceptions of our work performance. The shadow side is ingrained in the level of self-discipline we have. We may be accused of being disorganized. There is also a tendency to vacillate between ignoring our body and focusing too much on it, leading to concerns over health. 

Gift: The gift of the shadow is a keen insight into the interrelatedness of things. We often hold a warehouse of information that others find helpful.

LIBRA: fear of loneliness

Theme: The Shadow of Perfection

Primary Fear: fear of loneliness/isolation 

Self-judgment: personal “flaws” are harshly judged 

Issues: perfection; unrealistic expectations; boundary issues 

Projection: criticism of others, particularly the criticism of how things appear 

Goals: to not have to have things be perfect, to be comfortable being alone, to see gray - not just black and white, to not be judgmental 

Manifestation: 

Black Moon in Libra values impeccability and holds everything and everyone to a high standard, especially oneself. This shadow involves pursuit of the “ideal” and keenly feels the separation from spirit. The Black Moon in Libra manifests in intense self-judgment and fragmentation of the self into pieces that are either acceptable or unacceptable. This shadow breaches boundaries and sorts through everything in an attempt to perfect it. It seeks excellence. This results in an unending series of disappointments and can form schisms in relationships. Maintaining any semblance of perfection is exhausting for anyone, but with the Black Moon in Libra, we often find ourselves complaining about being tired or not having enough time. Indecisiveness and self-deprivation are also characteristic of this shadow. 

Healing and Transcending: 

With the Black Moon in Libra, the need to judge must be faced. This shadow is strongly connected to the journey through the judgment of the Underworld and subsequent rebirth in a whole new way (see Chapter Five on the transits of the Black Moon). It is actually a journey to find what is truly of value. When we are able to see that love is truly the only thing of value, we find inclusion instead of separation. We begin to love all of the parts, not just some of them. When we understand that everything is connected, we see that the fear of separation is an illusion. Healing the shadow of perfection is about seeing our own (and others‟) inner perfection by allowing the “ideals” of the outer, material world to fall away. 

Assess your values. When you find yourself being critical of others, ask yourself if you dislike that same thing in yourself. Examine how you separate yourself from other people. Is there a need to keep some part of you distinct from others? 

When you find yourself being critical, find something valuable about the situation. You might not feel like certain things about you or others are perfect in appearance, but you may find that they are highly valuable in functionality. By practicing finding value, the shadow that believes in the idea of perfection is healed. 

Black Moon in Libra: Ralph Waldo Emerson, Benito Mussolini, Tupac Shakur, Nikola Tesla

Black Moon in the 7th House 

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are related to partnerships and commitment. This shadow side is urgently motivated to seek mutually-fulfilling relationships, which are often elusive. Also, other people find ways to take advantage of us, sometimes to the point of betrayal. Many times life seems unfair to us and others would probably agree. In the midst of this, there can also be issues of dependence or neediness. 

Gift: The gift of the shadow is our ability to perceive and create beauty from the smallest things. Innately tuned toward balance, we easily see what is missing and then endeavor to rectify the situation. This is a very valuable skill that can be translated into many different applications.

SCORPIO: fear of loss

Theme: The Shadow of Death 

Primary Fear: fear of loss 

Self-judgment: based on what one has won 

Issues: winning vs. losing; issues with death/endings 

Projection: rescuing others 

Goals: to not always have to win, to learn how to have closure, to not have to rescue, to not struggle so hard 

Manifestation: 

Black Moon in Scorpio will go to extreme lengths to save, assist, rescue, or win. This shadows favorite prize is something that was hard won. The Black Moon in Scorpio manifests as a deep well of despair with desperate attempts to climb out. We cling or attach to anything that stems the feeling of free-falling through life. Daily life is frequently viewed as a battle to win in order to stave off deepening feelings of loss. Sometimes even casual encounters are judged according to what was won or lost in the exchange. Black Moon in Scorpio is very strong energy that can cause intense levels of anxiety. We are especially attracted to people who are in need of assistance or who are “persecuted” in some way, as this is the preferred method to vicariously save ourselves. 

Healing and Transcending: 

With the Black Moon in Scorpio, the need to struggle must be faced. Nothing is ever really lost because there really is no death – only transformation into a new form. There is no need to plunge to the depths just to prove that we can win or to try to keep things from ending. Practicing the arts of gratitude and surrender is what facilitates the shift from the perspective of loss to the perspective of love. Material things fall away, but love endures forever. 

Become comfortable with losing. It is essential to let go of anything that you are overly attached to. 

Examine where you have invested most of your energy. Is it a losing battle? Instead of dealing with loss in an indirect way, consciously take action to give up. Imagine how relieved you would feel. 

Take steps to practice ending the smallest things (like phone calls) and work up to being able to step away from situations that cannot be saved (like dead end relationships). You may be surprised to find that something else was waiting all along - you just couldn’t see it while you were busy running away from it. This is the nature of death or endings. They always precede rebirth and beginnings. 

Black Moon in Scorpio: Alexander the Great, Winston Churchill, Nostredame, Steve Jobs, Emily Dickinson, Pope Francis, Walt Disney, Jeff Bezos, John D. Rockefeller, Albert Schweitzer, Mother Teresa, Eminem, Taylor Swift, Johnny Depp, Beyoncé, Dwayne Johnson, Notorious B.I.G

Black Moon in the 8th House 

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are related to death, inheritance, investments, and sex. This is the most difficult house placement for the Black Moon. The shadow side is ingrained in loss; in fact, we may feel that our lives lead only to loss. With Black Moon in the eighth house, chronic anxiety may be present. 

Gift: The gift of the shadow is our great depth of compassion and ability to see beyond the surface. We quickly ascertain people true motivations. Our wisdom and insight is a great benefit to those with whom we are close.

SAGITTARIUS: fear of meaninglessness

Theme: The Shadow of Truth 

Primary Fear: fear of meaninglessness 

Self-judgment: based on intentions and motivations 

Issues: issues related to truth and honesty 

Projection: distaste for people who lie or people who are naïve 

Goals: to not have to have the ultimate answers, to tolerate the ordinary, to not always need “proof” 

Manifestation: 

The Black Moon in Sagittarius manifests in an intense relationship with the concept of “truth.” There is a great need to discern the superlative truth in all things, which causes a never ending sequence of questioning. More importantly, we need to feel like people are telling us the truth, as we do not automatically believe anything simply because it was said. Relationships can become stressed if our partners feel that they always have to prove that they are telling the truth. Themes of deception often play a role in our lives, perhaps as a victim of deception. Ongoing questions about not only our purpose in life, but the purpose of life characterize this shadow. Feelings of stagnation are not tolerated well. 

Healing and Transcending: 

With the Black Moon in Sagittarius, the need to continue searching must be faced. At some point, one must simply believe. Ultimately, all searching for the truth leads back to the truth that All is One. What is meaningful? Whatever we choose as meaningful is meaningful. This shadow is healed when we see that each of us has an interpretation of truth, which eliminates the need to find one superlative truth. 

Take up the mantle of responsibility for creating meaning in life. Meaningfulness is found by assessing what is truly important. What is meaningful to you? When you know the answers to this question, you will have created truth – the truth according to you. Devotion of your life to your own truth heals the shadow that never believes that truth really exists. 

Black Moon in Sagittarius: Helena Blavatsky, Napoleon Bonaparte, Thomas Jefferson, Carl Jung, Martin Luther King, Jr., Jack London, Claude Monet, Ronald Reagan

Black Moon in the 9th House 

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are related to our outlook or philosophy in life, religion, spirituality, higher learning, the law, and the world at large. This shadow is deeply concerned with issues of morality. We hold strong opinions, often leading to conflicts with others. There is a tendency to feel disconnected from others or from ourselves. We may even feel compelled to isolate ourselves from the world around us. 

Gift: The gift of the shadow is a keen intellect that we are able to translate into many fields of interest. Our knowledge encompasses a wide spectrum, affording us the ability to relate to many different people, should we so desire.

CAPRICORN: fear of neglect

Theme: The Shadow of Control 

Primary Fear: fear of neglect/ not being acknowledged 

Self-judgment: how well one stands out or apart 

Issues: control issues; attention-seeking behavior 

Projection: negative reaction to bossy, showy, or attention-seeking people; rebellion against being told what to do 

Goals: to be comfortable when not in control, to stand up for yourself 

Manifestation: 

The Black Moon in Capricorn manifests as a need to control the course of events. When this shadow dominates, we have a tendency to be demanding. We can go to extreme efforts to gain attention. We have definite ideas about the way things should be and others often succumb to the force of our will. Frequently we refuse to give up until someone – anyone - acknowledges what we have to offer or agrees with what we think is best. A little bit of recognition goes a long way with us, but so does a little bit of neglect, and Black Moon in Capricorn has a long memory. But interpersonal relationships suffer when we wear down another free will to come into compliance with our own. This results in lackluster relationships where the joyful spark of life becomes extinguished. We are very hard workers, but we can also expect a lot from others. 

Healing and Transcending: 

With the Black Moon in Capricorn, we need to examine what we are trying to control. We also need to give ourselves the recognition we seek. When we are able to do this, there is no longer a drive to ensure that others follow our wishes because we already have what we need. 

Examine where you need to have your way. Observe yourself carefully. Are you telling someone how, when, or what to do? Practice allowing others to go about tasks in their own way. 

Ask others what they would like to do and then do it. Enjoy the feeling of not being responsible for everything. Freedom, spontaneity, and a joyful feeling for life will return when the pressure to be a certain way is removed. 

Black Moon in Capricorn: Leonardo da Vinci, Farrah Fawcett, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Machiavelli

Black Moon in the 10th House 

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are related to ambition, authority, social status, and responsibility. Tradition and family obligations are important us. This shadow is ingrained in a sense of duty and high aspirations, and we closely monitor our progress in the world as compared to others. We hold high standards and expectations, which can cause interpersonal difficulties if we demand too much from others. 

Gift: The gift of the shadow is our ability to persevere. We are hard workers who take more than our share of any load. When we give our word, we do everything in our power to keep it.

AQUARIUS: fear of powerlessness

Theme: The Shadow of Power 

Primary Fear: fear of powerlessness 

Self-judgment: based on the impact/power one has to get what one wants or needs 

Issues: power issues; power struggles 

Projection: distaste for weak or undisciplined people 

Goals: to learn to ask for help, to not overpower others

Manifestation: 

The Black Moon in Aquarius often manifests in a powerful sense of loneliness. Usually we are keenly aware of our intense personal power and are somewhat frightened by it. Our skills and aptitudes can border on genius, often giving us an air of considerable authority. We have strong faculties and diverse talents that can be used to uplift or to crush others. Black Moon in Aquarius is a force rivaled by few, and the temptation to dominate others can become an ongoing battle. It is simply all too easy to emotionally and intellectually overpower others. Ethical concerns can arise, as we are prone to test our limitations. In situations where we feel powerless, we tend to isolate ourselves so no one will see our “weakness.” This self-imposed prison is rife with internal brutality, as we tend to unleash cruel criticism on ourselves for not being stronger. 

Healing and Transcending: 

With the Black Moon in Aquarius, the tendency to overpower others must be faced. When we recognize that we are all connected, there is no need for anyone to overpower another. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses that fluctuate and change over time. The extra boost of power that accompanies Black Moon in Aquarius can be re-routed back into the collective of humanity in the form of brilliant ideas and creations that uplift the whole. A channel or outlet for this power is what is needed to keep it from blowing up. When the focus shifts to sharing power, all benefit. 

Examine if you abuse your power by neglecting or criticizing others. Do you take advantage of others, however unwittingly? Or do you neglect, criticize, or overextend yourself? 

Ask yourself what you would do with all of your power. It is very important for you to answer this question. Are you more afraid of your power or your powerlessness? Discerning the parameters of personal power is what heals this shadow. 

Black Moon in Aquarius: Robert Oppenheimer, Genghis Khan, Ludwig van Beethoven, James Dean, Jacki Kennedy, Salvador Dali, O.J Simpson, Amy Winehouse, Kid Cudi

Black Moon in the 11th House 

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are related to our hopes, wishes, and dreams. The shadow is concerned with how we fit into the collective of humanity. Issues of the “self versus others” follow us and we may find that we are often accused of being selfish or self centered. Change is usually difficult for us to handle. 

Gift: The gift of the shadow is the ability to bring people together. We are natural networkers. We are also interesting people to be around and are true innovators.

PISCES: fear of vulnerability/harm

Theme: The Shadow of Trust 

Primary Fear: fear of vulnerability 

Self-judgment: based on how stable ones emotions are 

Issues: trust issues 

Projection: distrust of people who are “too nice” because they must want something 

Goals: to let down your walls with the appropriate people, to be able to discern who is appropriate for you, to focus on self as much as others 

Manifestation: 

The Black Moon in Pisces is tender-hearted. We are afraid that if others discover this, they will use it against us. There is a tendency to judge people and situations based on the potential of being hurt. We may find it difficult to be open or fully intimate with others. It is often hard to trust others and we test them until we feel safe. This shadow can show up overtly (in unmistakable emotional walls) but it can also show up subtly (appearing on the surface to be very open, but upon closer inspection having definite commitment issues). On the flip side, we can also make commitments before trust is gained. By prematurely trusting, we face betrayal or disappointment. In this way, a vague sense of safety is maintained since a deeper sense of intimacy is never attained. The sense of being separated from Spirit is acute with Black Moon in Pisces and the intense desire to not be present in the “here and now” can lead to emotional addictions, addiction to substances, or escaping our own issues through focusing on others. 

Healing and Transcending:

With the Black Moon in Pisces, the need to put up a wall of protection must be faced. The truth is, life can be painful and people hurt us whether they intend to or not. We need to learn to trust the people we know we can trust. Usually this is the person we are with the most, but proportionately open up to the least. We tend to hold ourselves back, but this is a crime against our souls because we are naturally closest to Spirit and have much to share with others. Our shadow is healed when we trust that we are strong enough to withstand any offense. 

Ask yourself when you feel most vulnerable. In what situations do you cross your arms and cover your chest? How do you cover up or cover over who you really are? 

Consider who you physically, intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally open up to the most? It is important to look at the level of trust you have in the people around you and honestly assess if your trust is well-placed. Balancing the shadow of trust is just as much about not placing trust in the people that you know you shouldn’t as it is about allowing someone else see who you really are. 

Black Moon in Pisces: Jesus Christ (allegedly), Prince Charles, John Lennon, Gerald Ford, Judy Garland, Angelina Jolie, Mike Tyson, Madonna, Harry Styles, Miley Cyrus, Ariana Grande, Leonardo DiCaprio, Al Pacino, Elizabeth Taylor

Black Moon in the 12th House 

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are related to unconscious motivations, addictions, institutions, and enemies. The shadow is deeply ingrained in anything that is hidden. By its very nature, the Black Moon is hidden, making this placement difficult to understand. There is often a side to us that is unknown to most people. We may have a degree of emotional suffering that is not evident to others until they get to know us. 

Gift: The gift of the shadow is our ability to empathize with others. We seem to easily give to others that which we may not be able to give to ourselves. We are complex people who can handle complex tasks and material with aplomb.

╚══════════════ ⛧ ══════════════╝

"Primary fears subvert our personal growth and feelings of happiness. Oftentimes they impede our success because fear is what stops us cold in our tracks when we are venturing into unknown territory. Our choices and actions are directly proportional to the level of control our shadow exerts over us. When the fear that is contained in the shadow side is dominant, we feel unfulfilled and unsatisfied." - (Walker, 2011)

Reference:

Walker, L., 2011. The Astrology of the Black Moon: A Guide to Healing the Shadow Side. Austin, Texas: The Dog Publishing.

[asvterias]

things lady velaryon did that may make you hate/love her: (season 1)

*MAJOR HER FIERY FATE SPOILERS* kinda living for evil/girlboss!reader!! got inspo from: @br0kenangel!

warnings: canon-divergence, daddy issues, targ!cest, suggestive scenes, innuendos of threesomes, mentions of murders, implied threats, use of liquid poisoning, mention of arranged marriages // child brides, kinda!manipulative!reader, possessive!jealousy, same-sex relationships, reader loathing any future bastard grandchildren, power play, mentions of adultery (but it’s esoteric)

co*lys, d**mon, v*serys, c**ston, o*to are warnings under itself!!

TEENAGER

Lady Velaryon almost fearlessly died trying to claim a dragon, but luckily was saved by Silverwing

Lady Velaryon confessed to her father acknowledging that he has two bastard sons, promising to not tell her mother

However, she lied to her father and revealed to her mother about her husband’s infidelity (she’s a mother’s girl!)

Lady Velaryon genuinely surprisingly gets along with her half-bastard brothers and even invites them to her wedding for all to see, further embarrassing her father

Lady Velaryon is messy + bonus points if Rhaenys and Miranda get along and start a dalliance of their own, much to Corlys’ dismay

Lady Velaryon purposely planned to be rejected as King Viserys’ second wife and pursued another man of her age (and did!)

Lady Velaryon constantly mocked Lord Otto and almost had him poisoned, for Alicent’s sake after discovering he had manipulated his daughter to entertain The King

(would have gotten away with it too if Alicent’s big brown doe eyes didn’t convince her)

Lady Velaryon forged a secret plan with her future betrothed (also one of her father’s main enemy houses; my canon) to undermine her father so he’ll have no choice but to marry her and Dalton

Lady Velaryon knew her father wanted to marry her off without a second thought and gave him his karma (somehow resents his daughter even more but loves the six grandchildren she gave him?)

Lady Velaryon had caught Laenor with Joffery and actually gave them advice on secretly maintaining their relationship

Also threatened Joffery that if he ever hurt Laenor she would make Silverwing burn him alive (she meant that)

Lady Velaryon defends Laenor’s nature with Joffery after discovering her father plans to wed him to Rhaenyra (it’s the thought that counts)

Lady Velaryon constantly flirted with both her friends, knowing they’d get jealous of the other

Lady Velaryon almost kissed Rhaenyra before walking down the wedding aisle (thirsty!jealous!rhaenyra??)

Lady Velaryon had slept with Alicent as payback for Rhaenyra sleeping with Criston (petty queen)

Lady Velaryon didn’t sugarcoat anything with Rhaenyra losing her maidenhood to Ser Criston Cole

Lady Velaryon threatened Daemon if he ever attempted to upset Laena in their marriage that he’d be poisoned

ADULT

Lady Velaryon suffers from a severe miscarriage during the same night of her sister’s funeral

Lady Velaryon manipulated Alicent into kissing her, knowing Rhaenyra would witness and get jealous

Neither Rhaenyra nor Alicent knows that Lady Velaryon slept with them both and only confessed it during an intervention

Lady Velaryon offered her son Baleryn’s hand in marriage to Princess Helaena, highly aware of their compatibility, based on good intentions

Lady Velaryon teaches her children how to be cunning and make anyone fall to their whims

Also said all of her children must marry into wealth and power, and any bastard children would be of no relation to her

She initiated a proposal between her twin daughters, Lady Jaerra to Cregan Stark and Lady Jaella to Prince Aemond

She taught Helaena how to dragonride and would often bond with the young Princess, understanding her prophecies and becoming a second mother figure

Lady Velaryon almost waterboarded Daemon, forcing him awake, and laced Daemon’s drink, demanding to reconcile with his daughters about Laena’s death

(Daemon definitely had trauma from his first poisoning and knew better than to underestimate her)

Lady Velaryon rages at Rhaenyra after discovering the Princess slept with her uncle during the night of her sister’s funeral

She directly confronted Rhaenyra after finding out she secretly married Daemon and was pissed about it

She cut off any contact with Rhaenyra during those six years apart, being absolutely petty and bitter, hoping Rhaenyra would feel guilty and desperately reach out

She thrives off of desperate!Rhaenyra, returning to Dragonstone, gives the Princess the cold shoulder upon her arrival

(After Vaemond’s death; Rhaenyra and Alicent go to Lady Velaryon’s room, and see her in a state of undress

She successfully seduces both Alicent and Rhaenyra, fueling their jealousy and need to please her to her own advantage (we got too many hoes y’all 😛)

Lady Velaryon claims that Corlys is a horrible father and wishes he’d died during his war at the stepstones

Lady Velaryon also hid his medication for a while and debated whether disposing of it

[obsessedwithlute]

If The Hazbin Hotel Characters Worked At A School

Charlie- You might think Charlie would be the principal but NO! Charlie is the therapist! She tries to get everyone into her office for a session by the end of the year- including the teachers! Vaggie- Vaggie would teach mainstream math. Her favorite thing about teaching math is giving people extra homework when they disrupt her class. (A lot of people leave with extra homework. One time Angel Dust walked in on her in the middle of a test, and she made him do a homework sheet).

Angel Dust- He is a substitute. He's actually qualified to teach computer science, but he doesn't. It's his best kept secret why he doesn't.

Husk- He teaches Italian. He's not properly fluent in Italian and only got the job because Lucifer lost a gamble to him and Husk said he'd let him keep his money if he did "one tiny favor". Angel Dust likes to lurk outside Husk's classroom when he gets the chance, and the second Husk mispronounces a word, Angel will stick his head in, correct him and then dart back out. Husk pretends to hate it but he actually finds it really hot. (Angel Dust was also actually the one who TAUGHT Husk Italian).

Lucifer- Lucifer is the principal. He doesn't really care what most of his employees do, including stalking the Italian teacher, cruel and unusual punishment during guitar lessons, or fucking in the janitor's closet. As long as "most of his employees" doesn't include Alastor.

Alastor- Alastor actually teaches health, or sex ed, or whatever you call it. He went to college and got a degree and didn't do it "The Husk Way" all so he could do two things: 1. Properly represent queer people, especially trans people, during the class because he knows, as a trans person, that it's really hard not to feel undermined during the class. 2. Make jokes about being an asexual person teaching sex ed (I'm not asexual/aromantic but it just seems like the kind of thing Alastor would do- especially considering how he reacts to Angel badly propositioning him). If you make a queerphobic comment in Alastor's class, you're dead. Possibly literally. Alastor never actually adheres to the curriculum, and Lucifer keeps trying to break into his class and catch him but somehow Al is always two steps ahead. When Lucifer is not at school, Alastor takes his whole class down to the kitchens and has them make jambalaya for the whole period. If you can't eat jambalaya, Alastor has a whole closet full of alternative ingredients for you but EVERYONE IS EATING SOME FORM OF JAMBALAYA OR EVERYONE HAS TO FIX ALASTOR'S VINTAGE RADIOS DURING DETENTION FOR A MONTH.

Lute- She teaches biology and is that one teacher who everyone either loves or hates. She runs the GSA and has weekly meetings and she's also the teacher who becomes your replacement mom if your real mom sucks. (This also applies to the teachers, she's also basically Angel Dust's mother by now). If you make a queerphobic comment in her class, she will stalk for exactly two weeks after you say it, slowly recording every single discriminatory thing you say. Then she will make you stay after school hours and reads off her entire list. Then she assigns you detention for two weeks and makes you write a 5-page essay on whatever chapter of Queer Ducks her heart desires in size 8 Arial font during the few precious hours of the day you don't have detention.

Adam- He teaches the jazz band, and if you play guitar, you get double lessons. Twice a month, Adam conducts tests randomly. You have to get up and play a song of his choice- no sheet music allowed. If you mess up even once, Adam gets to smack your guitar with a rock and you get to pay for the damages. (Lucifer knows, doesn't care, and makes rubber duck voodoo dolls all day long.)

Cherri- She teaches gym and if a student isn't running fast enough, she throws basketballs at them. Not hard to HIT them, but just enough to give them some motivation.

Sir Pentious- He doesn't work at this school. He works at a preschool in a different town. But since it's only a half-day, as soon as he gets the chance, he leaves and goes to stare longingly at Cherri while she somehow manages not to get fired. Everyone is just used to him being there, and he's fine with that.

[actual-changeling]

y'know what i'd love to see as a cold open in season three? various demons and angels collaborating with each other in secret.

you can't tell me that somehow gabriel & beez and crowley & aziraphale are the only ones who ever thought hey maybe this system fucking sucks, especially because aziraphale is still neck deep in the denial puddle. there is nothing actively preventing them from meeting, they share a fucking elevator they can use without any restrictions. everyone in heaven is left to their own devices and lonely but they are left to their own devices. no one is watching them. no one CARES because within the system the mere thought of collaborating with the enemy is just. not taken seriously.

there are no back channels, gabriel tells michael, but they both know that there ARE back channels and that they're using them, it's exactly the same thing crowley and aziraphale are doing on earth, deny everything upfront but have secrets underneath.

the goals might differ since angels and demons don't really give a fuck about humans, but the organization is the same.

give me michael and ligur trying to undermine their bosses, give me random angels meeting with demons and exchanging information, give me a group of spies trying to come up with functional plans against new policies.

give me operatives on earth refusing to kill one another when they meet because why should they? if the world ends they might as well start another revolution because what is the point in destroying one half of all existing celestial beings?

earth was saved by humans being fundamentally human, now give me the whole of creation being saved by people who are fundamentally people, angel or demon or human. god created everyone in her image, so when it comes down to it, it's the same spark of life burning in each of them.

[bokettochild]

Where First Fits

So, if First were to join the chain, how would he fit in? What would the dynamics be like? Here's my take!

Sky: First is so lost with this kid. Sky knows about him, knows so much- they even share a loftwing, but Sky is everything First is not: healthy, happy, in a committed relationship, successful in his role as the hero. As an emotionally competent adult, First isn't an asshole and hating the kid, but he is uncomfortable with how Sky looks up to him. He just can't see the world or anything in it like Sky does, and while he's glad the kid after him was able to save everything, he prefers to maintain his distance. For both their sakes. He is polite though, and never unkind, just sort of distant. Sky is his replacement after all, because he failed Hylia and left her alone. It's hard connecting with someone shaped just to be everything you couldn't be. Sky meanwhile very much wants to connect with his predecessor, especially after witnessing Time and Twilight's relationship, so he's majorly disappointed to be shut out and held at a distance, especially because First doesn't do that with most of the others.

Four: He is rather confused, but also somewhat amused by the smithy. They have very little in common, but some of Four's quirks remind him of Orville (maybe it's a smithy thing?) and he enjoys the smithy's company as long as he's not needed to talk much (which is great because Four can talk enough for both). Four likes him well enough too, and though they aren't exactly close, he does enjoy the quiet company and having someone who appreciates, respects and somewhat understands his craft.

Time: If anything, First finds Time somewhat amusing, at least on a surface level. Here's this young man whose soul is older than his body, but he's still very much young at heart at the same time. He's an anomaly, and watching him play the "mysterious adult figure" is highly entertaining for First, who's older in all ways and debatably more jaded. Despite being older, he doesn't seek to become leader in the other's stead, and he prefers to sit back and watch Time try and handle the boys, although he'll offer advice if he thinks they're getting too out of hand. Time is confused and a bit peeved at having someone more mysterious/older/experienced than him who sits between condescending and genuine, but maybe that's just his youngest child syndrome talking.

Twilght: First is definitely amused with this one. They aren't close, but he appreciates the genuine nature and honestly the rancher brings to the table. The wolf thing is weird, but considering he had a talking bird tell him to get good, he's just glad the wolf is actually just a sweet farm boy. While he appreciates that Time is Twilight's mentor, he sees nothing wrong with dropping advice and offering help to the young man on occasion, especially if it doesn't seem like Time will/can help. Time is a bit resentful of that too, but holds his tongue because Twilight really appreciates the help/advice. Twilight is confused by First, but he's got a lot of respect for him and what he's got to share with them. He still likes Time better though (First is even more intimidating than the old man somehow).

Wind: Precious. On one hand, the kid saddens him because child heroes are a tragedy, but he really admires and respects that the sailor took up a role that was abandoned and forged his own Hero's Spirit after his world lost it. Wind calls them "soul forger buddies" and First takes no issue with it. He's very fond of his newly acquired soul brother, and delights in indulging Wind's ideas and schemes. The kid's innocence is a breath of fresh air (even if it is slightly tarnished by his adventure) and he's in awe of the sailor's strength in overcoming foes and coming out just as bright as before he started. He both wants to protect that, but also acknowledges the sailor's skill enough to not undermine him in battle. He's struggling to understand, but by Hylia, he loves this kid already!

Legend: He admires Legend's strength and wisdom. The kid's been through a lot, more than most could handle, and as someone who died in his battle, the fact that the vet's made it this far alone has his full respect. That said, Legend worries him; he's dedicated his whole life to being a hero, with no consideration for being a person, and First knows from experience the toll that can take on someone. Legend's still young, but he's given up growing up in order to be a hero, and First fears that will lead to burnout, despair and eventually a miserable ed like he faced himself. He's determined to at least try getting this kid to start being a person again, ad maybe that helps him do the same for himself. they've got a lot in common after all, and in many ways, he sees himself in the vet (which of course scares him more). Legend himself is aware of First's fate, but he admires him, and in many ways, First is similar to his own predecessor. He respects the experience the other has, and it's nice for him to realize he's not the only veteran anymore, and the fact that First let's him drop the responsibilities of being the experienced one is a relief he didn't know he needed.

Hyrule: He's impressed with this kid. A capable fighter isn't strange to find with this group, but Hyrule's dry humor is definitely to First's taste, and while they're both distrustful people, they share a mutual love of bad jokes and snark. They bond by swapping quips, and while it can seem rather tense, they're both fully enjoying themselves even if the others aren't. Hyrule is a bit nervous about being around more knights, but First is pretty down to earth and normal in comparison to the flashy captain, so he warms up quick. First is always willing to share knowledge, and Hyrule is eager to learn, and while the process has more snappy comebacks than necessary, they're both enjoying it.

Warriors: There's a deep mutual respect here. Warriors acknowledges that First is someone who's made the ultimate sacrifice for his people, who's suffered unjustly at the hands of his government, and who was dealt a sour hand all around. First sees a young man who's been dealt a similarly awful hand, and while they don't go into detail, they do find solace in the company of the other. The fact that they're also both knights and leaders means they share a lot of experiences and Warriors frequently consults with him regarding strategy and the like. He's not exactly taking a mentor role to the captain, as he thinks Wars has grown into his hero title well on his own, but he's willing to help where he can and offer knowledge or understanding where needed.

Wild: Like Sky, the kid weirds him out. They've both died because of their adventures, both watched everything fall to ruin because of "their failures", but unlike himself, who carries that like a burden, Wild is still a bright thing. It's not like with Wind, where he came out stronger; First can't help but feel like Wild's totally unaltered by his experience (he's wrong of course, but Wild tends to mask really well). He struggles to understand the champion, and while he doesn't hate or resent him, there's a disconnect there that's not helped by Wild's own self doubts convincing him that First is always looking down on him. Like with Warriors, Wild's relationship with First is strained, although civil. First reminds Wild of how he used to be and maybe what he "should be", and it makes him uncomfortable. He acknowledges that First "failed" as well, but that doesn't stop the older hero from seeing like some paragon he can never emulate, which frustrates him immensely.

[antianakin]

hey! i'm a star wars newbie who finally watched the first 6 movies + kenobi show after years of absorbing the sw fandom via friends. i'd become so familiar with the popular fanon takes/characterizations that i was really confused because so much of it seemed contradictory...especially regarding the obi wan & anakin relationship. i was wondering if my take was somewhat similar to yours, as i was immensely relieved to read some of yours and know that i haven't somehow misunderstood the entire series... i realize after writing this all out that it's absolutely a gigantic ask and i totally understand if you don't want to post it! so sorry!

my big thing was that i'd become used to the idea that anakin + obi wan are...obsessed with each other? both platonically and in the ship dynamic itself, especially from anakin's end. obi wan would do anything for anakin, and anakin would do anything for obi wan.

i didn't get that at all. obi wan stands by his jedi ideals, but loves anakin, feels guilt and blames himself for darth vader. but anakin?? somewhat reasonable if it was that he'd do anything for padme - her potential death is what torments him in rots - but...for obi wan? the guy that anakin didn't care enough about to warn/save from order 66? padme brought him up first, going "what about obi-wan" and anakin's response is "uh no idea. a lot of people died. let's hope that he's loyal if he's still around!" i was blown awayyy by the nonchalance. even though he just said farewell to obi wan in a heartwarming encounter where his old master explicitly gave him the trust that anakin is complaining that he doesn't receive, going "i'm proud of you", etc. etc., that's his response. i don't think he tried to help obi wan, or felt any specific turmoil about his likely death. yes he's focused on padme and everything's going so fast, but if anything, it shows that between padme and obi wan, obi wan loses. he doesn't mean as much to anakin, or at least, he's not worth that effort, if that makes sense. or maybe i missed something, since this is my first watch?

my immediate reaction was that anakin 100% fucking knew that obi wan would never approve of the things he's doing and plan to do - and unwilling to face that disappointment, because he does care about obi wan's opinion, he takes the coward's way out and lets palpatine do his thing, probably justifying it through his passivity. he's not directly harming obi wan! he's not responsible! and if obi wan does die and doesn't get to learn or react to the fact that his padawan committed these crimes then it's sad and terrible, but also...more convenient for anakin's own state of mind. and if he's alive - well he better be loyal to the chancellor! everything is about anakin. that's why he turns on padme: because in the end, she mattered more to him than obi wan, but still not more to him than himself.

i have no idea if this is an extremely morbid, bad-faith take since it's so different from what i've seen even amongst non-shipping fans. the assumption seems to be "they loved each other more than anyone, more than themselves!" and in my head after watching rots i'm just confused.

and don't get me wrong: this is not me trying to hate!! the relationship is pivotal to the story, but it's interesting to me because of the huge contradictions in anakin's image of obi wan. how he tries to build him up as larger than life, puts him on a jedi pedestal, and blames everything wrong with his life on him. but also how he undermines obi wan's efforts, has this one-sided rivalry thing going on and thinks he's better than obi wan. and of course, all that mixed with the genuine affection and love he does have for obi wan as a father-figure and master.

and i get the appeal of the absolutely-obsessed-with-each-other trope as well! i just don't think it fits these two. unless you think of it as "obi wan loved anakin, but anakin only became obsessed with him (in a homicidal, resentful, you stand for everything i lost and i can't stand leaving you alone kind of way) later". and i don't think obi wan thinking of/dreaming of anakin years later should be treated as a similar "obsession" because yeahh it seems extremely reasonable for him to be haunted by his own padawan's horrific crimes. i guess if anything it's a twisted one-sided unhealthy obsession? anyways wanted your thoughts on their relationship, if you have any!

I will say that a lot of Star Wars fans pull a lot of their chosen interpretations of these characters from lore beyond the first six films. There's obviously the more recent Disney shows, but there's also plenty of novels/comics that were written both before and after the Disney takeover that people have read, as well as (perhaps most notably) the animated TV show The Clone Wars (2008, not to be confused with the animated webseries Clone Wars from 2001-2002).

I'm not afraid of a long post, but I know it can be frustrating to scroll past for some people, so I'm going to give a short TL;DR before the cut and if you would like to read the extended version, please feel free to keep going, but I'd like to note that this response got unreasonably long.

TL;DR: I think Obi-Wan cares for Anakin a lot and that his arc in the Prequels is about learning to have faith that Anakin will do the right thing and when that faith is betrayed, he has to let go of it in order to do what’s best for the galaxy. Having faith is not the same as obsession. I also think that Obi-Wan loves Anakin selflessly, the way all Jedi learn to love, and this means that sometimes Obi-Wan cannot prioritize Anakin above everyone and everything else, but that this is not an indication of Obi-Wan loving Anakin LESS. I think Anakin does care about Obi-Wan, but that love is always wrapped up in his desire for a different kind of relationship than the one Obi-Wan can provide and that creates a lot of friction in their dynamic and is what allows Padme to eclipse Obi-Wan in Anakin’s affections and priorities. I also think Anakin is absolutely obsessed with gaining Obi-Wan’s approval and while this can lean in a toxic direction, I think that it also manages to sometimes push him to be a better person and creates a healthier relationship between Anakin and Obi-Wan than Anakin has with anybody else in his life. I think that the intended reading of their relationship is intended to be positive right up until it isn’t, but that ultimately the writing in the Prequels didn’t always succeed at getting that across and their attempts at fixing it didn’t feel like enough despite the actors’ chemistry with each other.

So I'll start with Obi-Wan and why I agree with you that his feelings for Anakin aren't anywhere NEAR as obsessed or attached as people seem to think. 

Within the Prequels, Obi-Wan’s primary arc as a character is about learning to have faith, both in the will of the Force (TPM) and in Anakin (AOTC). By ROTS, he’s reached the end of that arc and we see the difference in how he reacts to things as a result. He’s a lot more willing to just trust that things will turn out okay, more willing to trust that Anakin will figure himself out and do the right thing if given enough time and encouragement. People have interpreted this as Obi-Wan being too soft on Anakin or blind to Anakin’s faults or being too attached to Anakin (and therefore perhaps being willing to OVERLOOK faults that he knows Anakin has because he’d rather protect Anakin from the Council’s condemnation). 

But I don’t personally see it that way and I don’t honestly believe it’s what we’re supposed to take from his behavior. Obi-Wan is quite critical of Qui-Gon’s faith in TPM and then critical of Anakin himself in AOTC, so it’s not like he’s just always been willing to overlook Anakin’s flaws and mistakes. Obi-Wan’s LACK of faith earlier on is clearly positioned as a flaw for him to overcome. Just because that faith is misplaced and his trust goes unrewarded in the end doesn’t necessarily mean that he was wrong to have it in the first place. Obi-Wan’s faith allows him to accept that Anakin has faults and will make mistakes and trust that Anakin’s compassion and Jedi training will allow him to overcome those faults and learn from his mistakes. This is, in fact, the OPPOSITE of attachment. This is Obi-Wan choosing to let go of all of his worries about the future and living in the “here and now” as he is told to do by Qui-Gon in his very first scene. He accepts that there is only so much he can do to control Anakin’s fate and the rest of it is up to Anakin. 

In The Clone Wars 2008 (TCW), the problem with analyzing their relationship is that the structure of this show is so episodic and disconnected that there’s generally no set-up and no aftermath to the things that happen to these characters in individual episodes or arcs (which are anywhere from 2-4 episodes long out of a 22 episode season). So instead of trying to analyze an arc across the whole show, I will look at one specific arc that is really the only one that focuses on Anakin and Obi-Wan’s relationship (and perhaps one of the more controversial storylines in the entire show): the Deception arc.  

In this arc, Obi-Wan chooses to fake his death as a part of the Jedi Council's plan to discover an enemy plot that would be particularly disastrous for the Republic if it succeeded and possibly cost them the war. Obi-Wan chooses NOT to read Anakin in on this plan and part of the plan actually hinges on Anakin reacting to Obi-Wan's death as though it were real in order to make it convincing to their enemies, so Obi-Wan dies right in front of Anakin and Anakin has no idea that it isn't real until some time later and he is, understandably, fairly upset about it.

I think that this arc shows a lot about how Obi-Wan approaches their relationship. Obi-Wan doesn't necessarily WANT to cause Anakin pain, but he is also perfectly willing to do exactly that if it's in the name of protecting the needs of the many. In this case, Obi-Wan believes that he is protecting the whole Republic from losing a war. Anakin's temporary pain cannot be prioritized above the very real consequences of the Republic losing the war to the Separatists. Obi-Wan is capable of making the hard decision when it comes down to it, even if it means hurting someone he loves, even if it might cost him that relationship. And I also think that the emphasis on Obi-Wan’s choice to deceive Anakin (something that Yoda and even Mace Windu seem a little uncertain about) gives some interesting insight. Obi-Wan and the Jedi basically had to look at Anakin and wonder if his inability to keep secrets well (they’re all aware of Anakin’s relationship with Padme despite his attempts to deny it) was a bigger problem than his unpredictability in the face of strong emotions like grief. There is a very obvious acknowledgement of Anakin's flaws here, and the difference between Obi-Wan and Yoda/Mace in this instance isn't that one of them can see Anakin's flaws and the other can't, but that they disagree on which flaw is going to be a bigger issue for the mission in the long term. Obi-Wan chooses to have faith that Anakin will manage his emotions but doesn't really believe in Anakin's acting abilities and OpSec sensibilities.

Because of the way TCW is structured, we have no real aftermath to this particular arc, there's no further discussion or exploration of how it impacts Anakin and Obi-Wan once the four episode arc is over, so all we can really do is analyze what happens DURING the arc, and I do think that it showcases the same theme of faith and a willingness to do his duty while acknowledging Anakin's flaws that we have seen in Obi-Wan through the Prequel trilogy. Obi-Wan prioritizes his duty over anything else, because to do otherwise is to fail as a Jedi and potentially to condemn millions if not trillions of people to death and torture and slavery. (Which doesn't mean he doesn't love Anakin, but simply that his feelings for Anakin do not eclipse that particular duty. Not everyone would make the same choice, and that doesn't necessarily mean that their love is automatically toxic or more selfish than Obi-Wan’s, but Obi-Wan's choice to place his duty over Anakin's feelings also doesn't automatically mean that he doesn't care about Anakin at all or that he cares less about Anakin than Anakin cares for him.)

The last thing I will say about this arc in this section is that fandom often misinterprets this arc as the Council FORCING Obi-Wan to lie to Anakin. This is explicitly contradicted IN THE DIALOGUE, Obi-Wan point blank tells Anakin that it was his choice and not the Council's and Yoda questions the decision early on and claims it to be have been a mistake later, so anyone claiming that the Council forced this on Obi-Wan is just wrong.

There's a lot of comics and novels that look more at this relationship that I have never actually read, so just know that some fans' interpretations of their relationship could be coming from having consumed these comics and novels as kids. The one novel I'll discuss a little is Matthew Stover's Revenge of the Sith novelization. I will fully admit I haven't read it myself, I've only read snippets of it, but it comes really highly regarded and well reviewed. The line in question here comes from an extended version of the conversation between Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Mace Windu where they're talking about Anakin as Yoda heads off to Kashyyyk.

“I think," Obi-Wan said carefully, "that abstractions like peace don't mean much to him. He's loyal to people, not to principles. And he expects loyalty in return. He will stop at nothing to save me, for example, because he thinks I would do the same for him." Mace and Yoda gazed at him steadily, and Obi-Wan had to lower his head. "Because," he admitted reluctantly, "he knows I would do the same for him.”

Now, the bit about Anakin at the top I think is completely accurate. But I do not buy that Obi-Wan would ever do the same for Anakin. We actually see so many moments that explicitly seem to prove this wrong, that Obi-Wan would NOT “stop at nothing” to save him. Obi-Wan seems to very explicitly prioritize doing his duty above Anakin when push comes to shove. Most obviously, Obi-Wan does actually go fight Anakin after Order 66 and tries more than once to kill him and ultimately leaves him to die on Mustafar. Obi-Wan does his duty when Anakin doesn't give him another choice. He's unable to land a final killing blow, yes, and this does seem to be a direct payoff to his claim to Yoda that he can't kill Anakin because of how much he cares about Anakin, but Anakin is pretty badly injured and ON FIRE by the time Obi-Wan walks away, so there's really no reason to believe that Anakin won't just die here (especially since Yoda is supposed to be handling Palpatine). He's willing to let Anakin die to spare the galaxy.

It doesn't even make any SENSE for it to be true, especially with the implication that Mace and Yoda both also believe it to be true. Obi-Wan is on the Jedi High Council and has the rank of Master, something that isn't just handed out lightly (as seen by the refusal to give it to Anakin when he hasn’t earned it), and the rest of this book goes out of its way to have the Council point out how much they love and trust Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan is THEIR DUDE, they think he's the best at everything ever and trust only him with the most dangerous missions because of how great he is. But somehow the two highest ranked members of this Jedi Council also simultaneously believe that Obi-Wan would "stop at nothing" (which encompasses so many things from just abandoning his duty to literally destroying democracy and committing genocides) to save one person. I don't see how these two things can both be true at once. If Mace and Yoda genuinely believed this about Obi-Wan, they never should've given him this position of leadership and I don't buy that they'd think as highly of him as they clearly do in this book. It's ridiculous. I'm sure the book is great, the prose in the snippets I've read of it do seem to be really pretty and there's plenty I've read that I've actually quite enjoyed, but this line just pisses me off. So it's possible you will see people try to use this line to argue that Obi-Wan was obsessed with/attached to Anakin, but I think that's kind-of bullshit and I don't think it even makes sense within the book it exists in.

And that leaves us with the Disney era, and the one thing we can really look at here is the Obi-Wan Kenobi show. 

Obi-Wan is obviously struggling a lot for the majority of the show and the core of it is what happened with Anakin, but it goes so far beyond that. He's lost his entire family, his community, his culture, his home, and both he and his people are being hunted down. The one person he feels he has left is being raised by people who won't even let them speak to each other. The only other possible connection he can make is with someone who died decades earlier and he's not succeeding at making that connection. Those failures eat away at him just as much as anything else does. It's not just about Anakin and it never is.

I’m also going to go back to that initial theme of FAITH for Obi-Wan. In the Prequels, his arc is about learning to have faith in the will of the Force and in Anakin. That faith was betrayed in the end, and so his faith is pretty minimal during this show at the beginning. But each time he’s proven wrong by a new person he meets, he gains it back a little more. He starts to trust that people ARE inherently good, that there’s a reason to keep fighting, and that he can believe in a better world. And he does try to bring that newfound faith into his confrontation with Anakin in the end, he apologizes to Anakin “for everything” and doesn’t take the opportunity to kill him when Anakin is defeated. But he does have to let go of his faith in Anakin, he has to accept that this is a faith that is never again going to be rewarded. He has to accept that he wasn’t wrong to have faith in general and that he SHOULD be more trusting of people in general, and Anakin made his own choices and will CONTINUE to make his own choices regardless of what Obi-Wan does or does not do. Just because Anakin chose to betray him doesn’t mean that Obi-Wan was wrong to trust him. Again, the end of this entire story for Obi-Wan is about recognizing Anakin’s inherent flaws and accepting them before choosing to WALK AWAY. 

The Obi-Wan Kenobi show is not a perfect show by any means, and I will never try to claim that it is. One of the issues with it is that there are some logistical issues in it that are a little confusing if taken literally. So one of the ways that I am able to make my peace with those little logistical problems is to see the show as more of a long visual metaphor for Obi-Wan's journey towards mental health rather than taking it literally. Maybe all of it happened exactly as we saw it, maybe it didn't.

The visions that Obi-Wan seems to have of Anakin could be taken literally as actual visions Obi-Wan is having, but it could also be interpreted as just a metaphor for Obi-Wan's guilt and pain and fear. 

The flashback sequence where Obi-Wan and Anakin are sparring together could be taken literally as a regular flashback, it could be interpreted as a shared Force vision between the two of them, or it could be interpreted as just a representation of Obi-Wan and Anakin’s state of mind in the present day as they engage in a battle of wits. It also reinforces that idea of a shared history and how Obi-Wan's strength has never been in pure power but in cleverness and resourcefulness..

And that final confrontation could have happened. Maybe it did. But maybe it didn't. Anakin is a representation of Obi-Wan’s faith and trust being betrayed, but he’s been re-learning that trust and faith in people IS rewarded more often than it isn’t, so his faith in Anakin wasn’t the issue. And even if it were, it doesn't really matter anymore. Even if Obi-Wan did make mistakes with Anakin, he was never controlling Anakin's choices. Anakin made these choices himself and is STILL making them himself and the responsibility for them should be placed squarely on Anakin's shoulders. Obi-Wan has to let go of his need to understand Anakin's choices in order to forgive himself for whatever part he may have played in them and learn to have hope for the future again. The confrontation between Obi-Wan and Anakin is, to me, just as much a confrontation between Obi-Wan and his own fears as it is a confrontation between Obi-Wan and Anakin. It's not dissimilar from the Dagobah cave sequence with Luke.

So, personally, I see this entire scene as just one giant metaphor rather than something more literal. Which is why I can accept Obi-Wan walking away from Anakin a second time, knowing that Anakin will continue to live and torment the galaxy as a result, rather than finishing the job when he has the opportunity and doing his duty. Because if it’s not really happening, then Obi-Wan walking away is just a visual representation of him choosing to let go of his guilt and his doubts and his fears, and not a complete failure on Obi-Wan’s part that condemns the galaxy to another decade under Vader’s thumb. I don’t see this show as proof that Obi-Wan is obsessed with Anakin so much as I see it as the show choosing to use Anakin’s visage as a representation of Obi-Wan’s feelings weighing him down. 

So, in conclusion, my interpretation is that Obi-Wan has FAITH in Anakin (and the will of the Force) in the Prequels, which constitutes acknowledging and accepting Anakin’s flaws while simultaneously choosing to believe that Anakin will be able to overcome them. This is the definition of balance in Star Wars, and something every Jedi is striving to achieve. That faith is severely damaged after Order 66 and Obi-Wan does flounder as a result, but is able to ultimately regain his faith in people and in the will of the Force by accepting that he can no longer have faith in Anakin and that Anakin made his own choices despite the support and training he received from Obi-Wan. 

Which brings us to Anakin.

I don’t find your take to be particularly morbid at all. It’s a little bad faith, but I will say that the thing with bad faith takes is that sometimes that interpretation comes from a problem in the writing creating a dissonance with the intended message. So while it sometimes doesn’t appear as though Anakin cares very much about Obi-Wan, the dialogue and vibes of the films are trying to let us know that he DOES care about Obi-Wan quite a lot and that it’s a pretty central relationship in Anakin’s life that he relies on (and, to some degree, takes for granted). I’m not sure that this always comes across super well, especially in the films (and most especially in AOTC), and that lends itself to more bad faith takes on their relationship. So despite my love for bad faith takes about Anakin, I will attempt to be as balanced as I can here.

I do think that almost all of Anakin’s canon relationships have an element of attachment to them, even the nicer ones, which means that there’s always some element of obsession and possessiveness to it, and Obi-Wan is not an exception.

Part of why I think he has this relationship with Obi-Wan is due to Anakin’s desperate need to have someone whose life revolves around him, replicating the relationship he had with Shmi. Despite the fact that Shmi was not attached to Anakin, their relationship was defined by the environment in which he was raised. Shmi’s entire world revolved around Anakin and doing what was best for him and making him happy to try to make up for the fact that they were enslaved as much as she was capable of providing. And, on some level, Anakin NEEDS that, but Obi-Wan never actually provides it (because Obi-Wan is a Jedi and cannot let his life revolve around one person and is attempting to teach Anakin those same values, not because Obi-Wan doesn’t care about Anakin or cares about him less than Shmi did). Obi-Wan is, for ten years, the primary relationship in Anakin’s life, but the frustration of not getting precisely what he wants out of it leads to resentment and obsession. 

Ironically, I also think that this also leads to Anakin’s relationship with Obi-Wan being one of the healthiest Anakin ever has. Anakin wants Obi-Wan’s approval and in order to get it, Anakin has to actually act MORE LIKE A JEDI, which generally involves a lack of attachment. So there’s actually multiple moments in both the films and TCW where we see Obi-Wan’s relationship with Anakin sort-of inspire an ability to act more rationally and selflessly than he does with other people he’s attached to (Shmi, Padme, Ahsoka, even Palpatine sometimes). 

My favorite example of this is actually in TCW. The basic premise is that Obi-Wan and Anakin (and Ahsoka and their troops) are on a mission that goes south quickly and they end up separated. Towards the beginning, Anakin learns that Obi-Wan’s ship crashed and so he’s probably pretty injured if he’s still alive at all, but Anakin and his troops are still pretty far away from where Obi-Wan is. It’s actually Ahsoka who protests when Anakin decides to ignore the information and just keep moving forward, and while Anakin initially snaps at her about it, he then immediately centers himself and turns back to explain that while they COULD run ahead to help Obi-Wan, it would mean abandoning their troops in enemy territory to do it, and they have to prioritize protecting their men and trust that Obi-Wan will be okay on his own. This moment shows not only that Anakin can actually make the right decision on his own despite how emotional he is about Obi-Wan’s situation, but also that when he DOES let his emotions control him a little, he is also able to center himself enough to explain all of this to his student rather than just shut her down. Being a better Jedi has the ripple effect of helping Anakin’s men and his student (as well as potentially ensuring the success of the mission in the long term by making sure that his men survive to bolster their forces later). 

So, I do think there’s an obsession on Anakin’s end of things, but this obsession doesn’t necessarily mean that he can’t be obsessed with someone else MORE or that the obsession can’t turn into something healthier and more mature with some effort. 

As far as Anakin's nonchalance towards Obi-Wan in the films goes, one of my biggest criticisms of AOTC is that the relationship between Anakin and Obi-Wan was not handled particularly gracefully. This is something that they did recognize in post production and tried to fix by adding in that elevator scene towards the beginning, but it definitely gets overwhelmed by the more negative vibes of their relationship in the rest of the movie. They spend most of their time arguing with each other or critiquing each other in conversations with other people. 

I do wish we’d gotten more of a positive dynamic between them in AOTC to help sell that these two characters cared about each other despite their disagreements, but we didn’t. But the fact that they chose to film an extra scene specifically to help make their relationship more positive tells me that the intended reading of their relationship is supposed to be positive even if they’re going through a rough patch within the context of that one movie.The other thing to keep in mind is that Anakin is supposed to be 19 years old in AOTC and this kind of… rejection of the parental figure’s authority at the same time as they are desperate for the parent’s approval seems fairly normal for teenagers, and we know that Lucas was trying to make Anakin a relatively authentic “whiny teenager” (I think Hayden Christensen said something to Lucas during filming about how the character came off as a whiny teenager and Lucas’s response was “but he IS a whiny teenager”). So while that bratty behavior tends to read as a lack of care, it probably wasn’t intended that way.

They do seem a lot closer during the Invisible Hand sequence at the beginning of ROTS where their banter feels less mean-spirited and they’re able to figure out compromises when they disagree. They feel more like equals with a greater confidence and comfort in their relationship. The problem for me here is that AOTC’s failure to really make it seem like Anakin and Obi-Wan cared about each other makes this sudden change to their dynamic in ROTS feel a little jarring to me. There is a three year time gap, obviously, but it doesn’t feel like quite enough, especially since his betrayal of Obi-Wan happens halfway through the film and that emotional ending is only earned if we bought into their relationship as a positive thing that mattered to both of them. 

This is where TCW steps in. I have… issues with TCW and the way Obi-Wan and Anakin are written in the show sometimes, but one of the things it did try to do was help bridge that gap between their rockier relationship dynamic in AOTC and the much more positive one they have in ROTS. In the earlier seasons, there’s still some of that rebelliousness from Anakin, that need he feels to one-up Obi-Wan by refusing to do what he asks and butting heads with him at every opportunity. By the later seasons, we see their dynamic shift more towards what we saw in ROTS, where their interactions feel more like friendly teasing and banter than butting heads. Some of the reason for this is just time passing, some of it is Anakin being Knighted and he and Obi-Wan able to be equals in a way that wasn’t as possible in their Master/Padawan dynamic, but the biggest explanation TCW provides for why their relationship shifted was Anakin being given a Padawan of his own which allowed him to mature and connect with Obi-Wan in a way he never would have otherwise. 

However, while Obi-Wan and Anakin’s relationship is intended to have stabilized and improved over those three years between AOTC and ROTS, he also betrays Obi-Wan four days later and then proceeds to try to kill him personally, so TCW also tried to provide an explanation for that. This is where we come back to the Deception arc and look at Anakin’s side of things. 

First off, the Deception arc does actually provide some solid evidence of how much Anakin truly cares about Obi-Wan and how he reacts to Obi-Wan being in danger when Padme isn’t a part of the equation. During the time period where Anakin thinks Obi-Wan is dead, he becomes very disoriented and fractured. Anakin has a tendency to mask his grief with anger (something we see pretty clearly when his mother dies in AOTC) and that is exactly what happens after Obi-Wan's "death." He is able to mostly control himself at the beginning of the arc (including stating out loud that he WANTS to kill the assassin who “killed” Obi-Wan and the only reason he doesn’t is out of respect for Obi-Wan’s memory), but he isn't really opening up to anybody and seems to be pushing away everyone who cares about him.

When Anakin learns the truth about Obi-Wan’s deception, he seems to mostly hold it together until the mission is actually complete, but his true feelings come to light when he speaks to Obi-Wan afterwards and they aren't pretty. He's angry with Obi-Wan for the deception, angry at the seeming lack of trust. But despite Obi-Wan telling him point blank that it was HIS choice to deceive Anakin rather than something the Council forced him to do, Anakin refuses to see this as anything other than a flaw in the Council, wondering aloud how often they've lied to both himself AND Obi-Wan. This clearly is intended to show a wedge being shoved into the relationship Anakin has with Obi-Wan and the Council, a breach of trust in the name of the greater good (something Anakin doesn’t truly believe in or respect much), and this adds to the resentment and frustration that Palpatine is encouraging in Anakin so that by the time they reach the events of ROTS, Anakin can convince himself to turn on Obi-Wan and the Jedi because they were “traitors to the Republic” and “trying to take over.” He knows it isn’t true, but the things that he knows were true in the past allow him to pretend that what he’s doing now is right. They were willing to lie to him and betray him once, why couldn’t it be true a second time?

This arc is interesting in how it sort-of portrays both the worst and best of their relationship. Anakin does manage to control himself at the beginning, specifically because he wants to respect Obi-Wan’s values even if Obi-Wan himself is dead. He wants to live up to the person Obi-Wan believed him to be, despite how much pain he’s currently in and how much he WANTS to hurt the assassin he thinks caused it. Keep in mind just how quickly he turned on the Tuskens and how little thought he put into killing them all until it was over, and then compare that to Anakin making the choice to hold himself back when it’s Obi-Wan’s death he’s faced with instead of his mother’s. But by the end, when it’s not regular grief he’s faced with but broken trust, we see Anakin find it difficult to see things from Obi-Wan’s point of view, we see his respect for Obi-Wan’s values disappear. But because he cares about Obi-Wan, he also then refuses to believe something that Obi-Wan is telling him very plainly because he’d actually rather blame the Council and aim his pain at the Council than face the truth that Obi-Wan lied to him and perhaps didn’t trust him the way Anakin thought he did. Anakin has a tendency to paint over uncomfortable truths with pretty lies instead of facing them and that’s exactly what he does here, perhaps to the ultimate detriment of his relationship with both Obi-Wan and the Council. 

Unfortunately, due to the way TCW is structured, there is exactly no further exploration of these events and how they impact Anakin and Obi-Wan going forward. We have no idea when or how Anakin chose to forgive Obi-Wan, and since this arc is pretty close to the end of the season, I don’t think we even see them in a scene together again until the following season when they seem totally fine around each other and there’s no lingering resentment or bitterness at all. I don’t know if this would make Anakin’s unwillingness to really try to save Obi-Wan from Order 66 at all make more sense or not, but I do think that’s part of the intent behind this particular arc. 

I often feel the way you do in my more bitter moments, like Anakin didn’t really care for Obi-Wan at all if he was able to betray him like that in the end, like Obi-Wan was always playing second fiddle to Padme and that should’ve been a bigger issue in their relationship than it was presented as, and like Obi-Wan deserved a better friend and student than he got in Anakin. I understand the appeal the relationship has for people, especially given how central it is to their characters, and I have enjoyed it myself in the past, but I’m just less into it these days. Even when I did like them, though, I don’t think I viewed them as equally obsessed with each other, and even if I did, that wasn’t why it appealed to me. To each their own, obviously, but the nice thing about the Star Wars fandom is that it’s large enough that there’s generally something for everyone to enjoy even if you don’t like all of it. If you’re interested in exploring more of Star Wars, I really hope that you go for it and find the parts of it that really speak to you! 

[lovemyromance]

I love when ELs bring up this scene in ACOWAR as a way to somehow say Azriel talks as if Elain's not in the room and overrides Elain's own ability to speak:

Because they loooooove to claim "Lucien talks to Elain and Azriel talks at her."

Let's re-read that together - shall we?

It is clearly stated that Lucien might've ASKED "does Elain need anything" but

1. He does not say that TO Elain. He says it TO Feyre. He is by definition, talking about her as if she is not there, asking her sister instead of listening or talking to Elain directly.

2. Lucien is her mate. In Majda's own words, a mate should be able to sense what is amiss. He shouldn't even HAVE to ask her. They have a bond. He should know.

It does not undermine a woman's self-autonomy to have someone know her well enough to discern what is going on with her, what she needs, what is troubling her. Rhys is very attuned to Feyre's needs. Cassian is attuned to Nesta's. Both speak on behalf of their mates several times.

Now, if they silenced the other person - that would be a different story. But Azriel does not do that.

Having someone understand their partner is a hallmark of a good relationship. They anticipate your needs and know what you want and desire. So why is Azriel understanding what Elain is going through suddenly a bad thing?

Let's note that Elain did not try to even answer Lucien's question. Azriel did not silence her or interrupt her- she did not even speak.

And when she was speaking, Azriel listened to her.

He was patient. He observed. He knew what she needed. He put together the puzzle and freed Elain from her murky realm.

Azriel saying "She doesn't need anything" was not him ignoring her voice. It was not him trying to speak on her behalf.

It was him realizing she was not crazy, it was him realizing WHAT the cauldron had turned her into. It was him standing up for her when everyone else thought her mind was broken, that she was a lost cause.

Azriel freed Elain. Simple as that. Not because it was his job, or he was excited about a new NC weapon, but because he cared. Greyson might not hear Elain now - but Azriel .... Azriel certainly did.

So before we sit here and make such outlandish claims, let's look at what the books actually say, hm? Not the version you recall in your head after reading 5000 fanfics about a couple who can't stand to be around each other in the actual books.