#try to understand how invalidating that is to trans people who live in a closet and/or feel like they're not enough

[liquidorcard]

You know, while we're on this topic, to the people who dismiss the idea that media is important in a very tangible way that deeply effects people's lives, let me tell you about the song Saint Veronika by Billy Talent.

Tw again: Discussion of suicide and suicidal ideation.

I'm fully aware Billy Talent is considered one of those 3edgy5me bands to people today. Tbh, I think a lot of people who dismiss entire musicians' bodies of work/genres are often fucking wrong and just irony poisoned when you dig a little deeper but that's besides the point-- for the sake of this point I'll just say, I don't give a fuck.

If this isn't your taste in music, if you don't connect with this because of how aggressively 2010s it is, I got no bones to pick with you. This was the shit I grew up listening to though, and I still love it even if my music tastes have expanded.

Now, to the point:

Picture this, it's 2010. You are a 13 year old deeply closeted AFAB trans kid attracted to women. You're three years any of privately coming out as a lesbian, five years away from openly identifying as one, and a full 12ish years away from transitioning. You live in a conservative hick town and you have good reason to believe if your parents found out, you would be disowned so you do everything to suppress those feelings. You have had a very traumatizing childhood, you live in a very unstable home. You're beginning to develop a chronic illness that will go untreated for 10 years, which causes you a LOT of pain. You have been an insomniac since you can remember, and have had concerningly few good night sleeps your whole life. You have had limited medical and no mental health treatment, to the point where you know asking for any is already off the table. However, have been told all your life by your formerly poor parents because of your upper-middle-class upbringing, any negative feelings you have are invalid and a sign of your laziness, and how spoiled you are. You have been told so often you must be faking your chronic pain, your fatigue, vomiting and migraines you've begun to wonder if you're just a big baby. They haven't even clued in yet that the reason why you're struggling with the switch to English from French schooling is because you're dyslexic and need glasses. In about a year's time you're going to begin developing an eating disorder. You've been bullied at school by students AND teachers since you were in grade 1. It's a good week if you've only cried once. You are ALREADY a year and a half roughly into stealing your parent's booze as quite literally the only resource you have access to to cope-- no fear that you'll be caught since they have such an absurd amount of it.

Now like, I'm not trying to throw myself a pity party here. Honestly, people expressing sympathy when I talk about what my life is like makes me uncomfortable. I understand people mostly genuinely feel bad and don't know what else to say, but like, I'm not telling people about this so they feel bad, lol. No offense, but like, it happened to me not you, and I'm spent plenty of my own time feeling bad for me-- I'm kinda over it, mostly.

No, I'm saying all this to make a point: I feel wanting to die is a pretty reasonable response for a 13 year old to have in those circumstances. Like, what else am I going to do? I had be told all my life the issues I was having were me problems, I couldn't figure out how to overcome them. If I'm the problem, like. You know, that's the obvious solution, right? Obviously as an adult I recognize that's not the case, but. I was barely a teenager.

To give context to the time period, I went to Catholic school. They had JUST stopped teachers from casually saying that people who commit suicide go to hell-- to fucking children. Stay classy, Alberta Catholic School Board. Oh, while we're here by the way, not too long ago they forced all the teachers to take any pride or LGBTQ+ related iconography down and started implementing policies like teachers being forced to out kids to their parents or risk being fired. Policies that would have put MY well-being in danger if they were implemented when I was a kid.

Here's their publically available email and phone number. No reason, just, if you're looking for a place to express your feelings on adults using their positions of authority to endanger children, or for a place to spam your dankest memes. I'm sure they'd love that:

E: http://acsta.ab.ca

T: (780) 484-6209

But, anyway, the new """progressive""" approach was to basically say just, "killing yourself is never the answer. Think of everything you have to live for." Literally, "Aha, don't kill yourself, your so sexy," before it was cool. 10/10 counciling. We had two suicides when I was in high-school, and countless other attempts.

What we have now isn't even that much better. What the fuck IS a teenager supposed to do with, "mental health is important, let's talk about it" but find out a lot of people are just as miserable as them? Which, finally, brings us back to this song . . .

"She was sick and tired of being invisible, Hard to see in color when you’re miserable,"

What is this I see!? Actual validation of negative emotions, articulated shockingly efficiently in a fucking song lyric?

"Veronika, Saint Veronika, You can't leave this world behind, So be strong enough to hold onto us, We're still right here by your side,

I know people kind of reflexively cringe when people say this or that piece of media saved their life. And, if it must be said, it's kind of fucked up that ANYONE has to get therapy from something like an emo-agacent rock band-- that's not supposed to be their fucking job. However, I can't articulate how much this meant to me when this song came out. "This IS as shit as it feels, but find the strength to hold on," managed to be just enough for me to survive until adulthood and get real mental health help. For me to tell my parents and be taken to the hospital after my first attempt at 16. Reframing it from "your life is precious" even though all perceived evidence was to the contrary for me and many other kids especially, to "find the resolve to keep going, you aren't as alone as you think."

"Always said her life was never meant to be, Stuck here living someone else's dream, Well beyond your window there is so much more, Even every prison has a open door,"

Though I'm a little jaded to some extent to the "it gets better" narrative, that was a more fresh idea at the time, and it is good to try and inspire hope in people going through suicidal ideation. It just can't be the be all, end all of the discussion.

Regardless, this verse articulates the emotional displacement of suicidal ideation really well. Especially for a kid stuck in a bad environment like I was.

"And while the angels sleep, All of the devils are awake, Waiting to steal your love, Right outside of Heaven's gate, And all the sacred hearts, Can't numb the feeling from the pain, Cause when the drugs don't work, You're gonna curse his holy name,"

To this day, nothing has captured my personal experience with suffering with suicidal ideation more than this bridge. Especially as someone raised Catholic. The metaphor of devils stealing your fundamental ability to love and be loved, to have meaningful bonds, just agapnizingly out of reach of safety and comfort. Because the systems supposedly there to protect your very "soul" aren't paying attention.

The Sacred Heart is the concept of God's divine love for humanity in the Catholic faith. The thing that is supposed to make you feel whole, complete and fulfilled. But, it's nothing. It's a sugar pill. It's symbolic of all the non-solutions presented to you to hand-wave away the problem without dealing with it. So you curse life itself, you reject the divinity of your own existence.

The music video is notably, pretty impressively tasteful too. Especially for the time. Yes it's visuals are also a little 2010s, but compared to trash fires like 13 Reasons Why that came out five or six years later. It threads the needle of using visual metaphor to communicate the pain, validate it, without glorifying suicide-- in my opinion.

Simple but effective: Doll girl unravels the more isolated she becomes, until it takes her life. It accurately depicts the act of suicide as a desperate attempt at ESCAPING from agony, not the solution. It manages to get the idea across while not showing any real life method itself. Genuinely, an extremely thoughtful exploration of the topic.

I don't know for sure if I'd be here today to write this post without this song but . . . There's 100% a chance. Real, accessible mental health care is what we really need, but in the mean time this is all some of us have. Especially minors.

Media matters.

[meetmydad]

long ramble about chihiro

trying to write my thoughts about ttyd remake making vivian canonically trans, acknowledging and improving her original transphobic (?) depiction instead of ignoring it, and how that makes me wonder what would happen to chihiro if thh ever got a remake, and i simply cannot come to a conclusion. the problem with ever trying to get to the bottom of how i feel about chihiro is that chihiro didn't live long enough to even get to the bottom of how they felt about themselves.

like ok if you take the game 100% at its word, ignore the transphobic trope that chapter 2 is rooted in and just accept it as a story, chihiro is a boy and all of his other mental issues stem from not being validated as male, and so he presents as female to escape that constant invalidation. and THAT reading is much closer to an allegory for being transmasc than it is to being transfem. this is so clear to me, i really don't know if i can ever personally internalize chihiro being a girl, because the story so strongly drives home that he's unhappy being seen as a girl. he's unhappy introducing himself as a girl, it weighs on him seeing other girls be confident in their identity because he CAN'T be, and the girls trying to include him as one of them only hurts him more. and if we read chihiro as transmasc whether literally or allegorically, the fact everyone switches to he/him pronouns for him post-mortem is now a gesture of respect.

so i don't think a modernized version of thh could or should make chihiro canonically transfem. it would mean changing absolutely every part of his writing, and like personally, again if you can just accept that the writing is problematic and engage with it anyway, i do really like chapter 2 and i love mondo and chihiro as characters and it's the most tragic chapter of the game to me. and i think that making chihiro canonically transfem would require so much rewriting that this chapter would need to be completely redone. so again what i'm trying to figure out here is, if we aren't completely scrapping what's there and are just trying to modernize the writing for a hypothetical remake, what DO we do with chihiro?

i don't know. i think personally i would keep the story the same but like, when the characters express transphobic sentiments (which they will, because they're all shitty teenagers) have there be pushback from other characters. like just give SOME of the characters a more empathetic understanding of gender identity. and just. make the transmasc allegory more clear honestly. that's what would make the most sense to me.

i want to say like 'and also make celeste canonically transfem to balance it out' (because she's the other character whose existing writing most strongly COULD suggest being trans with minimal changes) but that doesn't sit right because she. yknow. is the coldest killer we see. and also if she's trans then the plot requires deadnaming her. the thing about danganronpa is all of these people are kind of terrible and it's a terrible situation and probably almost any explicit queer representation you could make canon will end up being 'bad rep.' chihiro is bad transfem rep because she's revealed to be biologically male and then referred to as male post-mortem as if that's all there is to it. chihiro is bad transmasc rep because he was too used to presenting as female and was scared to come out. celeste is bad trans rep because she kills people. sakuraoi is bad wlw rep because one of them dies by suicide. there is no happiness here. obviously you can headcanon any of the other characters like makoto as queer but i'm focusing mainly on the ones who are already written in a way that implies it (within the actual game. there is also byakuya's whole thing in the togami novels. and honestly i think a lot about closeted transfem byakuya and closeted transmasc chihiro and... all the shit that happened and the shit byakuya says about chihiro. and again byakuya is such a terrible person in the game if he WERE canonically transfem or genderfluid it WOULD be considered bad rep. but like. i think about it)

in a way though that's part of what appeals to me about danganronpa. the characters are bad AND the writing is problematic and the result is like... weirdly human to me. and i kind of hope that if there ever were to be a modernized rewritten release, it would keep that quality of genuine human shittiness. i mean hopefully one day queer 'representation' will be so normal that we don't have to think of it as representation anymore. trans people being onscreen won't be that noteworthy, and we won't have to decide if a character like chihiro is acceptable or not, and we won't have to try and solve the question of chihiro's identity. they can just be a tragic hero.

anyway outside of this post i don't know how i'll refer to chihiro. probably stick with they/them so nobody gets mad at me. i just have a lot of thoughts. hope that all made sense

[starlightrosari]

The idea of being a not totally binary trans guy who’s feminine and androgynous grows more and more as I find myself not being totally whole being nonbinary. I am not mentally well in so many ways and I let this hold me back in my gender so much because how could I feel whole if I’m in a mental hole? I can’t get therapy, my living situation is bad for my mental health, and I’m not building a better future for myself. I know it’s not the biggest concern of mine being closeted, not finding my true style or being the way I wish to look, and not knowing truthfully what my gender is, but I can’t help but feel that’s related to my horrible mental health. I didn’t feel like myself until a few years ago because my whole life was so controlled by the perception other people had of me, and me being an identical twin I was made ultra aware of the painful ways I was viewed by my view being doubled knowing people hardly see a difference between me and my twin. I never knew what it felt like for something to belong to me, always just being pushed into what others expected. I want to feel like myself, even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone, and I’m realizing so much of my life was spent either numb and pretending to be someone else disassociating or wishing I was a boy, that I could look like one, and being jealous of people who were trans. I repressed so much how I connected to trans men, being unable to see myself in them because of how much I internalized how unalike I am from men, feeling like I could never be one and I could never see myself as one, so I tried to like being a girl by being feminine when it never felt comfortable. I hated looking at myself then, and I felt like everything was an experiment with style, but I did it because I didn’t see tiny people like me being masculine which was associated with being tall and strong, I was none of that and I knew this because people would reinforce this idea on me all the time. Identifying as nonbinary was a way of freeing myself from the binary extremes that hurt me so badly, and admitting to myself that I never felt like a girl or wanted to be one. It was a way of acknowledging that there was another option for me, and it felt good, but I didn’t connect with it in the same way that I see other trans people feeling so euphoric about themselves, like that they’re right in who they are and found themselves. I still feel so lost and feel more and more dysphoric and disconnected like I did before I came out to myself. The neutral language has felt freeing in some ways, as in I don’t feel dysphoric with how I’m referred, but it still feels strange, and it doesn’t bring me peace like I wanted it too. In a way it feels confining, like I’m still that kid who wanted to be a boy but never felt I could be. It feels limiting rather than limitless. Idk, I’m still figuring it out, but I have felt so much more myself calling myself a boy and expressing my masculine side and masculine yearnings to those I’m close to. I’m so uncomfortable continuing to be in this place of not knowing what’s right for me and not feeling totally comfortable in my body and identity, but I do know everyday my understanding is expanding. Over the past year I’ve been thinking maybe I’m a nonbinary guy, like I want to be masculine and like a man but also feminine and free of expectations of men that I don’t want to be. I even consider if the nonbinary label is even important to me anymore, or if I more so see it as a way of expressing myself. I like so many masculine terms and they bring me so much euphoria, and I’m beginning to believe my connection to them. I want to try using he/they pronouns, and I’m starting to think I might be happy being called “son” and “brother” and may even want to replace the neutral language I use to refer to myself entirely. I still don’t feel binary, and maybe it’s me invalidating myself and holding back from just letting myself be a non conventional gender nonconforming unique kind of boy, or maybe I just really love exploring what being a nonbinary boy is. I don’t know but I want to

[lilacbestpurple]

The instances where pansexuality has been represented in the mainstream by shows (not limited to Big Mouth) or various celebrities who have come out as pan - most recently, Wayne Brady comparing being pansexual to "being bisexual with an open mind" - often other trans people in a really weird way and box bisexuality into something more limited than it really is or needs to be.

There are several common differences posed between bi vs pan which I'll try to speedrun through:

"Bisexuals only like cis people, pansexuals also like trans people" = transphobic by assuming that cis and trans people are clockable as such

"Bisexuals only like men/women, pansexuals also like non-binary people" = similarly asserts that gender is something which can be identified on some level, which just isn't true (you may be able to assume based on clothing/styling, but this is still an assumption and not a definite method), and also poses non-binary identities as removed from binary identities (even though some non-binary people do consider themselves to be connected to manhood/womanhood)

"Bisexuals like 2+ genders, pansexuals like all genders" = same problem as last time

The least offensive stance is the idea that pansexuality is bisexuality without a preference. This is such an arbitrary difference - for example, how much more different could the experiences of a homoflexible bi woman be to another homoflexible bi woman than to some other bi person, and how different are the resources they may need? - and yet some people with this stance still assert that bisexuality must always include a preference.

Here are some sources that I've come to understand bisexuality through:

"Being bisexual [means ...] that they are capable of meaningful and intimate involvement with a person regardless of gender." ~ View From Another Closet (1977)

"I am bisexual because I am drawn to particular people regardless of gender." ~ The Bisexual Community: Are We Visible Yet? (1978)

"To be bisexual is to have the potential to be open emotionally and sexually to people as people, regardless of their gender." ~ Bisexual Lives (1988)

"Similarly, the modern bisexual movement has dissolved the strict dichotomy between 'gay' and 'straight' (without invalidating our homosexual or heterosexual friends and lovers.) We have insisted on our desire and freedom to love people of all genders." ~ Bisexual Politics (1995)

"This lgbtqia+ microlabel discourse doesn't exist outside of online spaces!!!" Um, I don't tend to tell my social circles about my issues with ace/aro and mspec microlabels, mainly because I'd probably get isolated from lgbt+ spaces, which I want to contribute to and be able to find support in. But I do witness the trash thinking that online discourse has fostered so it's not entirely online now, is it?

[jonoodles]

It's not hard to understand why there are more out trans people now if you aren't a dullard acting in bad faith. When the threat of violence and legal marginalization was even more of a threat, people lived whole lives in the closet or just commited suicide quietly, not adding to the statistic. Pretty easy conclusion.

I can also say anecdotally that being on estrogen has been far more helpful than the cocktail of SSRIs, Stimulants, and Antipsychotics I've been made to take since I was 11. And I know that being on puberty blockers instead would have spared me a lot of pain

I imagine you're going to pretend you're against all those medications for children too. Even though it's far more widespread and harmful, it's clearly a lower priority to you. And you're going to continue credulously qouting the same psych industry that doles out those meds numbers on diagnosable gender dysphoria.

Either way as shitty as you are I hope you find happinees some day. I mean performative Christian whose obssessed with us, come on, we've all seen where this goes before.

Until that day stop shitting up our tags, I'm trying to look at nice posts on my lunch break.

So this person is saying people who are in the closet also commit suicide, because they couldn't come out and be themselves. (I believe that's what they are saying). I agree that is probably true. And I am not saying trans people commit suicide because they are trans people. I am saying they commit suicide because they struggle and I think we need to help them not only by transitioning them but offering counseling and such. It is simply a fact, I am not attempting to weaponize it, against trans people but rather people who say cis people are just jealous.

Now please do not be offended by my response.

Was it hard to get put on estrogen? Were you diagnosed with gender dysphoria? What was it like to get put on estrogen? I disagree that puberty blockers are a good thing. I still don't think children can consent.

If you're 18 I have no qualms with your transition. I don't applaud you as a hero. But I'll let you live your life. I don't think being trans is really a big deal. Unless it is a child who has yet to go through puberty.

You bring up a good point with the other medication kids can be on

Those medications for children: SSRIs ( anti depressants I believe), stimulants, and anti psychotics. The reason I am somewhat okay with those for kids is because they do not change your body's function or structure on a physical scale to such a great extent as puberty blockers. (Ex: they do not change your bone density ect..) I wish kids didn't have to be on them (anti depressants and such), but sometimes their situations call for it. That should be a medical choice that involves a professional and their parents.

Another thing on that point is: no one is glorifying their mass amount of medication. (Well some are but not the extent of people glorifying being trans)

We can probably both agree being trans is a difficult journey. That is why it is not fit for a child.

I do not enjoy being called a performative Christian. I don't care how you judge me but rather how God would.

Isaiah 56:1 (NIV)

“This is what the Lord says: “Maintain justice and do what is right, for my salvation is close at hand and my righteousness will soon be revealed.”

Here are my beliefs layed out for you to attack as you please;

I disagree with transition as a Christian (that means I will not transition myself or encourage it). But I believe from a legal standpoint adults have the right to do as they please to their bodies. Children do not because they are underaged.

I believe your best point was about the use of other drugs on children. But you still failed to actually defend your case as a whole. You have mainly attacked my character. Which isn't really what invalidates an idea.

I would also like to know what it is like for you to be on estrogen. If you don't respond that's fine, if you would just tell me about it in an "ask" I won't respond publicly to it. I am genuinely just curious.

Thank you for your ask ♥️

~ 𝒥ℴ 🪐

[non-binharry]

stangolden is the one who said "real nb people are doing it BETTER" than harry in response to people believing harry could be noncis, basically invalidating those of us nb people who aren't out here like ezra miller. also their obsession with saying trans expression =/= identity is so fucking funny like imagine trying to lecture trans people on that as if we don't have that in mind with harry when we look at harry. can't believe putting a trans flag on your album and saying a woman lives inside you with she/her as the first one yoh see isn't a signal of your identity. not to mention saying we're just projecting top/bottom discourse for only mentioning blouies when as larries, these are the people in our immediate circle harassing us. but anyway, geniuslyrics including the interpretation that she is about gender were just bh stans hacking the system right? like they're just so manipulative with their wording. while some trans people don't believe harry's trans the majority IS cis transphobes and it's a fact because uhhh CIS PEOPLE ARE THE MAJORITY IN FANDOM. i'm tired of these "i'm trans and don't believe!" as if trans harries/larries aren't just a handful, and the complete majority are cis people who are uhhhh generally the majority in society lmao? stangolden is just so full of shit. they were at the forefront of demonizing the trans people who initially said harry could be trans by LYING DELIBERATELY ansbcalling us cis fetishists who thought dresses and nail polish made harry trans, and scaring the fandom into ostracizing us. but they just care sooo much about us right? they're mutuals with a bunch of harry hating ex larries and blouies who look to them for validation after openly expressing their transphobic opinions. but i guess not acknowledging that and insisting we're blindly accusing them all of transphobia for NO reason makes for a better LIE to normalize bullying against us.

[robotslenderman]

Ewww getting big privileged homophobe vibes from you. Blocking now.

Thank God.

I doubt you'll ever read this, but just in case hate-reading is your thing - I don't know why you bothered with anon. You're obviously not a follower because I talk about how queer I am here ALL THE TIME. I saw many queerphobes on that queer post, and even visited a few of their blogs. (Most of them were TERFs, except one - you, who claimed to be a trans dude. Maybe you are! Maybe you're not a TERF posing as a trans dude and you really are okay with being part of a movement absolutely dominated by TERFs!)

But there was only one that I left a comment on. You'd posted about how queer people are so horrible to call ourselves queer. Like the anthropomorphic personification of class and tact that I am, I trolled you by asking if my queer presence made you uncomfortable.

Clearly, it did. :)

So go ahead. Call me the first mean name that comes to your head, as if it bothered me what a random totally-not-anon thinks I am. I'm totally fine with queerphobes thinking my existence is homophobic, because the only way they'd understand otherwise is if I pretended I wasn't queer. My alleged homophobia is latched on to my identity as a queer person. The only way you would not accuse me of being homophobic is if I stopped calling myself queer.

So you use my very identity as a weapon against me. I am queer, and I am attached to not being a homophobe. You know that queer people do not want to be perceived as something they hate completely by anyone, strangers included, especially on a website where people harass first and listen later (if at all). So you hold us hostage - deny our queerness, and you'll drop your weapon. You'll drop the word "homophobic" and stop pointing it at me.

I'm not gonna cave to this.

Nor am I going to write an outraged essay about how I'm not homophobic. You know perfectly fucking well that not a SINGLE queer person is straight. You know perfectly fucking well that most queer people are same sex attracted or attracted to enbies. You know perfectly fucking well that queer people have accepted that part of us and aren't dealing with internalised homophobia or inflicting it on other people because we ACKNOWLEDGE our queerness and you can see this, otherwise you wouldn't be getting mad about it. In a homophobic society everyone has a degree of it, but by being what we are we have less of it than the great majority.

You know this perfectly well. Don't fucking pretend otherwise, I would have to believe that you are well and truly and sincerely STUPID to think for one second that you think I'm a straight person or a closeted gay person who's lashing out with malicious homophobia. Real homophobia, not "this person is part of a minority I am bigoted against, so I will claim they are inherently homophobic unless they get back in the closet or categorise themself in a way that allows me to fine tune my bigotry appropriately."

Because let's be real. Queer hasn't been used as a slur in decades and was reclaimed before I was even born. "Gay" was the slur of the time when I was growing up, but people like you never had a problem with that. Why? Because gay is clear cut and well defined. The problem people like you have with queers like me - the REAL problem, not the faux outraged you have made up about my label - is that queer means I have declined your insistence to more accurately categorise myself.

I mean, how else would you know specifically how to treat me? I could be bi and you might hate bi people, but if I'm a gay queer you don't want to aim the wrong type of bigotry at me by mistake - not because you care about gay people (you don't, because many gay people are also queer), but because you don't want to make yourself look silly by aiming the wrong type of bigotry at me. I could be queer because I'm an enby, and maybe you're truescum that would despise me for it, but you don't KNOW whether or not I'm an enby and that drives you mad! You don't want to risk alienating people who care about you by shitting on someone they might not agree is an acceptable target, so you target every queer and claim it's about a word when really, many queer people seek refugee under that term to hide from people like you, and you don't like that we can hide from you, so you try to strip our shelter away from us.

(And let's be honest. You probably don't even actually hate us. You're probably just afraid. Afraid of some identity you don't really understand because you've never taken the time to get to know us, or afraid that society will accept you less if we're "competing" for acceptance and so take some of the spotlight... I won't shit on you for fear, anon. We are all afraid of something. But I absolutely have a problem with how you're choosing to knowingly hurt people to cope with it. You called me "homophobe" to hurt me. There was no other way to possibly interpret the context of what you were saying. You meant to do this.)

So take away queer. Take away the shelter of queer. Force every queer person to divulge, upfront, who they are that makes them friends with queer. Force them out of the closet and pretend THAT'S not homophobic.

Send the gay queers back to the L and G of LGBT, let the TERFs flush out the trans people who are queer because they're trans* and shoo them away from LGBTQ spaces. Or maybe you really are trans, but you want to kick out straight trans people, or enbies, or pan people, or bi people, or ace people, or, one of the many populations that make up the true queer community.

* Not all trans people are queer, but many are BECAUSE they're trans. I would say "many are queer because they identify as queer" because that makes it sound like queerness isn't an inherent part of who we are and gives people like you ammo I have no interest in supplying you with. "Aha! So you CHOOSE to be a slur!" I just know you'd completely ignore everything I said to the contrary and say that.

Yes. The true queer community.

We've told you again and again that we're not calling you queer. We've told you again and again, if you're not queer, you're not part of the queer community. You're LGBT+, not queer. I'm not part of the LGBT+ community, I'm part of the queer community.

The queer community is not the true community of people who aren't straight and cis, that's not what I'm saying. We're not any more or less LGBT+ than you. I'm not invalidating the identities of people who aren't straight and/or cis, because they are who they are, and you don't need to be queer to be LGBT+. But we are the true queer community in that we are queer, and people who are LGBT+ but are not queer are not queer. Only queer people are queer.

("But people use queer community as an umbrella term to mean people who aren't queer, but are still LGBT+!" Buddy, if I have to deal with being called LGBT all the time even though it's not true, while having the people who use LGBT obviously mean me too because I'm not straight, then you can live with it too. That's mostly straights doing that, in which case you have no reason to get mad at US, or people who are are making something for a straight audience or a questioning audience, in which case they're making it accessible because not everyone knows the nuance of queer and LGBTALPHABETSOUP discourse. Or even - and I know this thought is incomprehensible to you, as the centre of the universe - it's actually referring to queer people and queer people only, not LGBT+ who aren't queer. Actually, I love that idea! Queer history is now history of queer people, no non-queer LGBT+ allowed :D)

I've never felt LGBT+ even when I thought I was one of the main four letters. But I've always felt queer, even as my understanding of my specific brand of queerness changed. Queer is an umbrella term that is opt in, that covers any and all LGBT+ people who know they are queer too, who know they're one of us, or who simply choose to call themselves queer for whatever fucking reason they want. Some of us are intrinsically queer, some choose to be queer because of the inclusiveness or relative opacity of the term, and you don't know which one a queer person is unless you have earned our trust enough for us to tell you.

And people like you fucking hate that.

So you know what?

I'm totally fine with you calling me a homophobe because the people who actually know more about me than the few sentences I've given you know that that's a joke, and their good opinion matters more to me than yours.

I'm totally fine with you calling me a homophobe because because it means I've won. I've gotten under your skin, just as your bigotry got right under mine. You're furious you can't categorise me. You're pissed off that I could be one of the LGBT+ people you actively dislike and want out of the LGBT+ community, but are finding a hell of a lot harder to flush out of the queer community because we all look the same at first glance and refuse to give you information you feel entitled to. Because it's easy to force people out of the closet in the LGBT+ community, but much fucking harder in a meritocracy like the queer community. To get into the LGBT+ community, you have to tell them which one you are. Queer? No questions asked, cause you already told us all we needed to know! Welcome home!

But let's say this is all a strawman.

That you really are some well meaning person who has nothing against the more obscure queer identities and that you really do just have a problem with the word. That you truly do think that queer people, the great majority of which experience same sex attraction, are... somehow... homophobic just for using the word despite their advocacy against homophobia and total acceptance of that aspect of themselves and others. That our fight for marriage equality and employment and housing protections and human rights is rendered COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY IRRELEVANT because we used a word that Boomers and even some of gen X hurled at each other because a guy was a little bit girly, or a girl refused to grow her hair long, or because men were scared that a man would treat them the way they treated women. (Because queer as an archaic slur, ultimately, comes from misogyny as much as homophobia.)

Let's say you really do mean well and really do know people who were called queers instead of fags, or you really did grow up hearing "that is so queer" to describe things people didn't like, or you really did have "queer" hurled at you by straight people as if there was something wrong with you for not being cis and straight.

(Notice something, there? You probably haven't actually experienced any of that, nor anyone you know. This wank about who I am as a queer person - it's always aimed at us. Never the straights that used it against us. Nobody uses the word queer except queer people any more, I am 99% certain that you don't know ANYBODY who has had it thrown at them AS a slur, so that means that the only people you can target on your crusade are... gender and sexual minorities. Not cis/straight people. Because they're not calling us queers and haven't in decades.

That means you are knowingly targeting minorities over this EXCLUSIVELY, I am completely fucking certain..

... but I'M the homophobe?)

In which case all I can say is: I hope that the well-meaningness that's made you put this hateful thing into my inbox, that's made you say such hateful things to a minority because of their identity (there's a word for treating people differently because they're a minority, especially hostile treatment..), will outshine the hatefulness of what you're saying and lead you to a better way to express your desire to protect people.

If you truly are coming from a misplaced belief that we're somehow deprecating ourselves by being queer, and not a desire to force us out of the closet or to run off any gender or sexual minority, then I apologise for my hostility, acknowledge that learning takes time (and patience that I am unable to give, for I am tired of bad actors pretending they're not and cannot do it), and wish you the best in learning to be inclusive and loving so we can count you one day, at least, as a friend of us queer folk. Maybe one day we'll even welcome you as one of us. I'd love to do that more than I'd like to deal with THIS crap. I can't imagine me going off on you will have helped at all, but from in my experience people who want to protect gender and sexual minorities protect them. They don't target them. That's why I am writing this post under the assumption that you wrote this because you have bad intentions towards me as a queer person, and not out of a well meaning desire to protect anyone you think I've somehow hurt by being me.

In which case? Get fucked.

[seewetter]

It seems doubtful to me that in unique situations like this there is just "the way pronouns work".

I understand where vaspider is coming from, I think: respecting autonomy, even in death. But I'm not comfortable with the idea that the closet remains in the casket.

We don't know what this person would have wanted, and vaspider might say that that's all the more reason to respect the pronouns this person publicly went by at time of death.

But if you did this to me? Going by the pronouns I used publicly while closeted? The only reason I wouldn't hate you from the grave and feel misgendered is because I wouldn't exist. And seeing a trans person treated this way, to have someone say "that person objectively should have these pronouns applied even if they might have hated it" that seems to give the people who kept this person in the closet a validation (that they can suppress gender expression to the point where even trans people will invalidate this trans person's private identity quite casually and call it liberating too) that they should not have.

I don't think we can comfortably default to anything like he or she and call it "correct". This person lived through something extremely traumatic and made a real effort to live a life privately that couldn't exist publicly.

To me at least, what vaspider is saying is valid when it applies to living people and to dead people that have communicated their wishes. But not in this scenario.

To challenge vaspider's view, we could make normative assumptions about pronoun use of trans people. We could find reasons why using "she" is for whatever reason more "fitting" or "right" or "appropriate" when the person feels forced to live publicly as "he". But of course that normative stance tends to - in one way or another - erase some trans people's pronouns and the important reasons they use them.

I dislike normative assumptions of that sort, the idea that some forms of being trans are more valid than others. Loathe the word "valid" and "validating people's genders" and all that kind of stuff. It implies that someone out there is invalid. At least, it implies people can validate and decide from the outside that you are valid, which they can also withhold.

So it seems, as mentioned earlier, that there just is no clear answer to how to address trans people whose wishes are not known. We can tentatively call them "they" but there we aren't using "they" in any way other than provisionally, an improvised use of the word that doesn't reflect the person's life or autonomy, a placeholder.

Part of the tragedy of this death is that it robs us of the person behind the pronouns. I'm almost inclined to use all kinds of pronouns for this person just in the hopes that one would have fit them and that calling this person that would make... at least some trans people who are hearing about this know that we will always have their backs.

Sometimes the right answer is that there is a right answer, but we can't know it. That's life.

The principle of autonomy matters, but if we have reason to believe that someone's autonomous choices are made under duress, like here, then we aren't really validating their autonomy. It would be like learning that a woman carried a child to term against her own wishes and then committed suicide when the town found out she was looking for abortion services and deciding that we honour her by calling her a good mother because that's how she had presented herself to her family.

The answer here is that there is no knowable right answer. So stop trying to arbitrarily determine one. Please.

A closeted person, forcibly outed as having a trans online persona by a "conservative news site," died by suicide after being publicly ridiculed after the outing.

Then, the head of that "news site" sent condolences to Bubba's "victims and family."

There aren't any victims, of course, because the clothing you wear in private and the fiction you write isn't anybody's business, but it's important to understand that these people really do think that trans people have "victims" bc we are somehow hurting people just by existing.

Do not add any kind of transphobic or anti-closet rhetoric to this post.

Turns out there were plenty of good reasons for him to stay closeted, nu? Show his memory the same grace and gentleness you'd want shown to someone you love.

[strongxsurvivors]

MLM SHIPS, FETIZATION, AND MISOGYNY IN THE RPC.

This is a small, or not-so-small, rant about a problem ( in my opinion ) I see more and more often in both the rp community and the art community. As a member of both, I just can’t escape this issue and need to put out some food for thought for everyone to read.

Not all of you are going to agree with me. Maybe, some will want to add in their two cents. Maybe, it’ll go over someone’s head completely. I simply appreciate you putting the time into reading this and giving it, like, two seconds of thought. It may not be an issue for you or be completely unrelated to you, but this is an issue I’m sure others will be able to relate to.

I will preface this by saying that I am a twenty-five year old transman. I am bisexual. I have a degree in psychology and excelled in gender and sexuality psychology. THIS DOES NOT, BY ANY MEANS, MEAN I AM THE END ALL BE ALL OF INFO IN THESE SUBJECTS. My experience is my own and I will not gatekeep or instruct people how to think in concerns of these subjects. I am only saying these things simply to assure you that I am valid in my perspective because I am in these communities. Please, don’t think that I want to invalidate anyone or say that I am better than you because I am these things.

Alright, let’s get the ball rolling because I have a lot of feelings and thoughts on a lot of points.

The number one thing that finally set me off to make this post is the absolute WORSHIP of mlm ( male loving male ) ships in the rpc ( and art comm., but this ain’t about them rn ). I have seen, countless times, entire blogs dedicated to shipping male characters to male characters.

Now, initially, this isn’t a problem. Having a male homosexual ship or homosexual male characters is absolutely fine. Peep my blog, I obviously have some. But, it’s the act of taking a character that was originally female, cisbend them to be male, and shipping them with another male character that's the problem. What was wrong with the female character? You kept her personality but made her male? Why? Is it necessary? It’s the same character. If you are uncomfortable writing female-related smut, fade to black. Smut is not necessary if you are truly focused on the essence of this character.

By making this character male, you are essentially saying that the only problem was that she was female. That’s it. That is misogyny. If you are focusing on her as a character, her body shouldn’t matter. As if females equate to their body when sex and gender are two separate things. But, you are bringing females down by getting rid of this one thing. You are telling them they are not good enough. That, maybe, you would like them better if they were the same but male. Am I being extreme about this? Yes. But, I’m trying to drive home my point here.

Another point to make about fetishizing mlm ships is that, even if you state your character is bisexual, pansexual, etc., that does not give you a pass. If your whole blog has characters who want only male partners even if some are stated to be something other than homosexual, you’re fetishizing them. If you put no effort in exploring relationships with females — platonic, romantic, or otherwise — you may as well call them homosexual and call it a day. I’m not here to dictate how you should play your character, but it’s easy to see where your loyalties lie when there is no evidence of female characters on your blog that you’ve interacted with. Actions speak louder than words. Rpc may be made up of words, but make your words take action. Plenty of people complain about their females being ignored. Go help them. Make your characters be friends, enemies, a crime-fighting duo idk. Females exist, don’t act like they don’t.

Oh, and changing a canon mlm ship to a wlw ship by cisbending them doesn’t change things. You’re still saying that those male characters were better than the pre-existing female characters. I would recommend you focus on the actual females of whatever medium you’ve taken these characters from, or create ocs that are genuinely wlw. This is mostly a thing I see in the art community, but I have seen it in the rpc.

We’re going to move on now to some transphobic and trans fetishization, which is fewer and far between. I say a few because I barely see trans characters out there in the community. But, when I do, OH BOY.

Simply stating a character is trans and doing nothing to upkeep what you said does not make your character trans. I’m sorry. Taking a pre-existing character and changing their gender and calling them trans is a sticky situation. I will probably get hate for this, but what are you going to do? It’s Tumblr. I would just prefer to see more original trans characters out there, as if actual thought and development went into their creation. 

What I mean by a sticky situation is this, and it goes back to a point I made earlier about cisbending characters to fit mlm ships: if you’re only making a character a transman to make him gay, that's fetishizing both mlm ships and trans people. I’m not saying a transperson can’t be gay and I’m not here to limit diverse characters — this is why I say this is a sticky situation. But, what I am saying is that if you only have muses that are involved in mlm ships and then you add a transmale character to also have an mlm ship based on faceclaims, it’s kinda sus.

Another thing I want to point out is if you are playing a trans character, refer to them by their chosen name and pronouns. You would think this is a no brainer, but you would be surprised. Even if your trans character is closeted, it is your job as the writer to write the correct name and pronouns. Other character interacting with your trans character could use their dead name and wrong pronouns — it makes sense, they don’t know your character is trans if they are closeted and non-passing. But, as you write your character, you and the reader are aware of your character’s true self. Neglecting to reflect your character’s true self through their chosen and name and pronouns is transphobic and harmful. Seeing things like this sends me into a whirlwind of dysphoria.

Changing a pre-existing character to nonbinary rather than cisbending them would be a recommendation from me and some others ( nonbinary individuals ) I’ve talked to. First off, there are very few nonbinary characters in general — media or otherwise. So, taking a pre-existing character and making them nonbinary is a nice thing to see. And, since the character is nonbinary, if they’re in a relationship with a male - the fetishization is redundant.

Now, who do I see making these wacky characters? Mostly cis females and trans men. I think it mostly stems from internalized misogyny as, when growing up, we’ve lived in societies where we are taught men are better than women. It can get to the point where cis females will glorify men so much that they have to have mlm ships. The same can be said for trans men. I’m not saying — as is often used against trans men — that this internalized misogyny / glorification of men has caused them to be trans. Obviously not. But, the internalized misogyny is still there enough to where they may either fear interacting with female characters. It might make them uncomfortable, dysphoric, or they just may think men are better. Women do not deserve to be the catalyst for someone’s discomfort. They are people. They are everywhere. They deserve to be loved. If they make you uncomfortable, if you think you are better than them, if you think men are better, I want you to sit down with yourself and think about this.

When I first realized that I was trans, I had some serious internalized misogyny going on. I would be uncomfortable writing female characters. I would be uncomfortable interacting with them. There was this discomfort that started to manifest in my behaviors and thoughts. Luckily, I had the best person in my life who told me that I was acting misogynistic and I needed to change. Pushing away females was me trying to come to terms with my transness. You don’t need to expel females away from you to imbed in yourself that you are trans. You don’t need to raise yourself above them as men have done for centuries. Do not become part of the problem. Accept the feminine parts of yourself, accept females, and I promise that the fear or resentment you may have with females and female characters will fade away.

Now, with all that being said, my last few words:

Being trans does not give you a pass to do the things I’ve mentioned. Being cis does not give you a pass. Being straight, gay, bi, etc does not give you a pass. If you are a gay man, I understand why you would only have male mlm ships. That doesn’t mean you can’t platonically interact with female characters. We all have made dumb mistakes and judgments in the past. I know for sure I’ve written some pretty cringe stuff in the past. It happens. The best we can do? Learn and take action on what we claim to have learned. Again, actions speak louder than words. Don’t piggy-back on posts that call out people for behavior like this when you participate in some of these behaviors yourself. Just because one person got called out and the spotlight is on them doesn’t mean you’re better than them or that you’ve been given a pass. If you read something like this, reflect on yourself and wonder — objectively — do you do some of these things? You may without realizing it or meaning to. In the end, I’m just a small blog that’s been around for seven years. I think we can get better as a community, but only if we help each other out. This is not a call out post. Call out and cancel culture is gross and counterproductive. I ain’t here for it. Call me out if you want, but what’ll that do? Nothing accept invalidate my opinion.

If you made it this far, I’m sorry. I took up a lot of your time probably. But, I want to thank you so much for reading this. As I said, you may agree, disagree, and not really get what I’m saying. I don’t know what I’m saying half the time either. But, I appreciate you regardless. Please, stay safe and healthy. I hope you have a wonderful year ahead of you.

[nuria-schnee]

HEY THERE DEMISEXUALS, IT'S ME, YA GIRL

Hey, it's Ace Awareness Week so... I thought, why not talking about my experience? I don't see enough demisexuals sharing stories and, really, it's fine. But it would've been very helpful for me a few years ago if I had read some, so, if my story helps someone, it'll be worth it.

So, let's start. It's quite a ride.

Right, so... Looking back now, I think the first time I realised something was up with me was when I was 12. I was starting high school and, suddenly, one day, I realised I was attracted to my best friend. And I was like *ALARM*, because she was a girl and that was enough of a crisis for me then. So, I thought, maybe I like girls? And, for my life, I couldn't accept that. So I forced myself to date a guy who asked me out one year later. It lasted one month. Didn't end up well. Kissing was fine some times but bah.

Things that happened too that year: I tried watching porn. My honest reaction? I laughed. I laughed hard. I didn't find it arousing at all. I found it ridiculous. Also, I started masturbating which was 10/10. But no porn. Kind of repulsed me even, after the first experience.

(Brief note about me, for context's sake: I'm very sexual. I always fancied the idea of sex. I even had kind of crushes with people but not the way most people had. So, problem? If you're reading this, you probably know which is.)

Anyway, after that year, I thought that maybe I truly liked girls but... I hadn't been attracted by anyone else but her.

I kept dismissing this feeling, trying to convince myself I was perfectly straight, just... Maybe... Prude? I had a couple more of opportunities with guys after that first bf and I... Couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to even kiss them for a while. I didn't feel anything.

When I was 15 I was in a very bad place mentally, very low self esteem, thought no one would ever want me. A guy popped up and I dived into a relationship with him like a dumbass. It lasted a year and a half. If you are triggered by sex issues maybe you want to skip to the next paragraph, it wasn't pretty and he was a huge dick. Thing is, he was older, wasn't caring at all, and kind of forced me into things. I don't think I liked one single time we had sex. It was kind of awful but I felt guilty and when I was that age the no is no movement hadn't reached our lives yet. Well, it left me with a bunch of traumas, which included a bit of vaginitis.

I had another bf after that. Wasn't so awful, sex, cause he was a nice guy and I thought I still didn't feel how I had to because I was a little traumatized.

And, then, I met HIM.

We were 16, in the same class. We grew close, ended up being great friends. And, hey, my dudes, this girl fell head over heels, in love, hard. And OH OH THERE COMES THE ATTRACTION.

It was crushing, the sensation. I went crazy inside sometimes, when he was close. Also, I had the luck that he had fallen for me too.

It's been almost six years and, let me tell you, the sensation just grows. It gets bigger as fast as the love grows. But, well, maybe it's because he's the love of my life and all and I'm just absolutely crazy about him. The love is strong here.

Even so, I didn't discover I was demipansexual since two years ago. And it's been quite a ride. I'm gonna make a list, more organized.

Trauma time baby: well, the consequences of that fucked up relationship caught me, in the end. I had a fit (and I know it's stupid) over not liking porn, of not understanding why I couldn't say a thing whenever someone asked me who would I fuck if I could, why I felt uncomfortable if my friend talked about hook-ups, why my bf could say or like those things (did it mean we loved differently?). It was a bad year, when all this plagued me. I was in the middle of a crisis with everything in my life and this was one of the things. Why I was different? I felt prude and meek. I felt if I was just repressed and didn't want to accept it. I felt wrong and cried over it a lot. I was 20, then.

Demisexuality term pops up: I don't know where I first saw it, but I remember searching it and being like hmmmmm. And then, the moment™: I searched 'am I demisexual test'. Which, my friends, we all know that you don't need the results, if you search this. It's water clear. Whatever, I saw the light, but I still didn't dare to call myself demisexual. Not because I wasn't sure, deep inside, just because I had certain doubts and nobody to compare myself with.

Doubts: I felt too sexual (still detaching from thinking myself prude, back then, still thinking I was repressed), I had crushes on fictional characters, could fancy them (it was quite a discovering to know the brain can't make distinction between real and fictional people; if you get attached, attraction can come too) (btw, I was really embarrassed by this one), I thought maybe I was still traumatized and that it was a matter of trust and not lack of attraction, and I'd had other relationships, not loved them, and sometimes liked the sex. So, I doubted. The resulution of those doubts, Demisexual. Demisexual as fuck. None of that mattered. None of that invalidated me. But it took long to realise.

Demipan epiphany: Remember I said I was attracted to my girl best friend? Well, after noticing it had happened a few more times in my life (not as strong as with my boo, even so) I thought, maybe I'm biromantic? But then I realised I didn't give a damn about if my boyfriend was a man or whatever. I loved him. He could come out as trans tomorrow and I would still be head over heels for them. So, demipansexual here.

BONUS - Writing epiphany: One of the things that helped me realise and clear my relationship with sex was how I write smut. And the kind of smut I read. AND what moves me while reading sex scenes. Yeah. Basically (and what a surprise, really), FEELINGS. I don't really feel much if it's just body parts and fluids and all that. But if there's a lot of feelings, you have me there. (Craving representation in media? Maybe. Probably. Yes.)

So, briefly, this is all.

Now, just so you know, I still have days when I feel lonely and I doubt myself. We all struggle. Actually, I've come out to just two persons and real life. No one in my house knows, mainly because I still don't know how I'm gonna explain this. But I'm not closeted anymore. (I’m sure I'm gonna here but that's what happens to everyone and I'm gonna be like NO). I have the love of my life and my friends who are incredibly supportive, so, it's alright.

So, my dear ace friends, wherever you are, however you identify, no matter if you're closeted or not or doubting or totally sure, know that you're not alone. And that you're cool. And that you're VALID.

Love to all of you. Stay safe.

[luckygrimreaper]

I have thoughts about New Kid, I'm sorry (Part 2)

And here’s the next one which is just if I ever did write a formal multiple-chapter for the games this would be a much later scene taking place during the second game to act as a big reveal for the truth of just who Jeremy is and how he ended up in this situation. It's probably one of the most self-indulgent parts of this whole thing not gonna lie. But also I was planning to add more character flashbacks, but you can probably see when I stopped being able to pick specific moments so I kinda gave up, plus I wrote this at midnight since I wanted it down before I fell asleep

Also probably the only one with a proper summary: And on the floor, in the back of his closet there sat a box, innocently marked mementos. However, he did not remember ever looking in this box for as long as he has had it. He realizes now that he doesn't know what's inside it. It's a very unsettling thought. Jeremy pulls out the box and sets it in the middle of his room. He kneels down and opens the box. And just like that, he remembers everything he had forgotten. All the memories that were taken from him.

And it went a little something like this…

And it went a little something like this…

He honestly didn't care about the Xbox vs Playstation debate. PC is the master race and everyone can fight him on it. But he was approached near the beginning by Kenny, who wanted to play as a Princess but was denied this by both other parties. She was going to align herself with one and then betray them for the other to get them to all recognize her rank. However what was a princess without her royal knight? She came to him and asked him to be her royal knight, to fight for and beside her. While he couldn’t care less about the debate, he also couldn't find a reason to say no to her.

When the time came he fought by her side. Though everything turned into a mess because of outside forces. There are still bright sides though, like how while no one was looking at him he got a Playstation for her since she seemed pretty disappointed that everyone was now getting Xbox Ones instead after the whole murders thing. He could almost swear he lost his breath when he saw how she lit up when he handed it over with the simple remark, "For the beloved Princess." And if he blushed when she kissed his cheek then he'll take it to the grave.

And it went a little something like this…

A game of superheroes goes horribly wrong in far too many ways. And so maybe he takes a switchblade meant for someone else to the chest. And maybe he should've stayed in bed. And maybe he shouldn't have gone to confront Cartman after hearing about the others getting trapped. But maybe he was right to do so.

Still wrapped in bandages and blood he walked his way up and through the crowd. And sure there was that stupid prophecy saying only Mint Berry could stop Cthulu, but honestly what did he care? Since when has he ever listened to something like that? And maybe he stood there, broken and bleeding, and talked his way out of this. Looked Cthulhu in the eyes and convinced it to stop, fix everything, and go back home. Maybe he saved the day not with violence, or prophecies, or fate, but rather the power of fucking friendship and diplomacy.

Carman was pissed, but hey, shouldn't have lied to Cthulhu man. And maybe he collapsed in an alley nearby after seeing everyone was safe.

But maybe it was nice to be found while at his worst and not made fun of or doted over. But just helped up. And maybe it was nice to see, once again, for all Craig likes to say he doesn't give a shit about anyone other than Tweek and Stripe, he did care about others. And maybe it was nice to know that others included him, even when he's currently being nothing more than a burden.

And it went a little something like this…

Can you really blame him? Tweek's parents have done so much fucked up shit, honestly it's crazy that he's the first one to do anything. So sue him, when they once again completely disregard Tweek's wellbeing he just fucking punched them. And shit maybe his own parent issues are getting in the way of how he reacts to other people's parents. But seriously he's justified this time! They were super pissed at him, but hey who isn't these days. Least they finally actually emote something other than joy for once.

Tweek was pretty freaked, surprisingly not about Jeremy punching his dad, but more about his parents were going to react. He honestly was expecting Tweek to care about them more. But when he's sitting in the back on top of a box, watching Tweek try his best to clean up Jeremy's busted lip and a bloody nose that his own dad gave Jeremy, Jeremy realized he was wrong. And maybe he shouldn't judge books by their covers.

And it went a little something like this…

He knew, everyone knew. Stan had a problem. Just most people didn't realize that problem didn't instantly go away like they were expecting. But he knew, though that's only because he kept looking at Stan and seeing reflections of himself. So it’s really not of any surprise that he noticed realistically speaking. And if maybe he chose to hang around more. To gently prod, without ever really judging. Who could blame him, really?

And if those quiet moments eventually got Stan to open up and say what was going on, then hey it was for the best. And if Jeremy managed to convince him to start going to therapy, real therapy not whatever shit they're trying to pass off as therapy in this town, then it was for the best. And if Stan finally dumped that bottle of Whiskey out and replaced the drink with soda to help cope, then it was for the best. And if Stan had someone to have his back and figure out gender and sexuality, then it was for the best.

And if a friendship started by accident because one person was concerned about another one day, well then it was for the best.

And it went a little something like this…

Drama has never been his thing, he's always preferred to stick to his own corner of the universe and call it a day. But when Wendy came to him for advice, much like every other dumbass, over what to do about Cartman going into the girl's bathroom, he actually tried to comfort her. Look, he thought the whole thing was stupid and that there was an easy solution to all of this. But he still has a damn heart and so maybe that meant he didn't want to invalid her feelings by saying that to her face.

And so maybe his “easy” solution led to quite a few people realizing they were trans and/or nonbinary. But hey that's not invalidating people's feelings, so mission accomplished. Plus it was nice to have someone else who knew the vibe of just pretty using whichever bathroom would be least likely to have a screaming match start when they walked in. And if the kids formed their own little trans rights group, then hey, more power to them.

And it went a little something like this…

Butters was different he supposed. Everyone called him innocent and naive. But Jeremy thought he was more nice and snarky. He had no idea how he did it, but Butters sure did. Managed to be so many things all at once. Jeremy was glad they were friends. While he could say he didn't understand how everyone else didn't like him, he did. Because it was intentional. And man was that wildest realization he’s ever had. He was caught off-guard for weeks after the fact, still reeling from it.

Because at the same time, it made perfect sense. Because it's Butters, or rather Majorine now. And oh boy did Jeremy have to help her with her hair and makeup at first, but eventually, she got a hang of it herself. That doesn't mean they stopped hanging out solely to work on her hair and makeup sometimes, but it wasn't an everyday thing. And both situations were okay. They were friends, what else more was needed? (absolutely nothing if you asked him)

And it went a little something like this…

There was a kid who lived in South Park, his parents weren’t around much, but he never minded. It just meant he had free rein of the house. And though it was awkward at first to once again be the new kid in another town he knows nothing about, it was the first time he stayed for more than a month.

He couldn’t really be blamed then when at the end of the month he opened up and found maybe this town wasn’t the worst he could’ve been stuck in. He made friends and enemies and sometimes people who were both. But he was happy with his life, it wasn’t great, but it was his for once and that felt like enough.

But then one day his parents returned and stole him away, without even a chance to say goodbye. He stayed closed off from the world. He didn’t dare care about anyone else lest he is taken from them again.

He could never forget South Park though.

He figured it was that, eventually, his parents had enough of running because he wasn’t careful enough. He doesn’t know how they did it, but they found someone who would make the world forget him. And forget everyone did, including him. All he had left was a box of mementos from his time in South Park, but he dared not ever open it.

That day everything was taken from him, even his voice. And everything was taken from everyone he once cared for, their identities, the help he gave, the help they gave him. Gone in the blink of an eye.

He woke up in the hospital. He couldn’t recall what had happened to him or who he was, not even the glimpse of a name. As if he just came out of thin air, no history, no identity. Just a body filled with questions and not a single thought.

The next day though, a woman came in, claiming to be his new foster parent. Argus Kepler. She told him his name and that this small little box she held belonged to him, that was it. He never knew what to think of her, but in retrospect, he should’ve been more than a little suspicious.

For she was the one that made everyone forget. And for all he wants to be angry at her, he can’t, it was never her idea. Besides, when given the chance to take him back to the only place that ever got the chance to be home, she did it. She brought him back to South Park, even if everyone forgot, friendships can be rekindled. She knew it made him happy, so she brought him back. For as angry as he is, for the brief time she was in his life, she did everything she could to make him happy. All because she thought his parents didn’t care enough like they were supposed to. He thinks that’s what being a good parent is, caring, even when no one else would.

He remembers now. He has a voice, a name, a history, an identity. Jeremy, Jupiter, Jacks, all him. One for every side of his gender. One for every game played. He had best friends and sworn enemies. He had a home.

And now there’s only one thing left to do, well scratch that two things. One punch Cartman, two, well, what else? It’s time the truth was revealed once and for all. Take it or leave it, it was about them as much it was about him. They had the right to know.

He packs up the box again and picks it up, he can leave it outside the base while he decks Cartman.

[migleefulmoments]

"No one will ever convince me he made that statement, and if you listen to his ACTUAL words about that, he didn’t say he wouldn’t take any more LGBTQ roles." Darren literally said that the gay community would have his head if he took another gay role but somehow to tinhats like Cassie, that means the next role he takes will be a gay character. I guess Darren meant that he knows the gay community will try to murder him, but he has faith in his ability to avoid their attempts. They're such freaks.

When they make grandiose and sweeping statements like this, I feel the full weight of the disinformation campaign they all embrace. Cassie claims “When you listen to his actual words…he didn’t say he wouldn’t take any more LGBTQ roles” so we have to see if she’s telling the truth or she’s manipulating reality in order to soothe their anxiety and allow them to easily fetishize the gay version of Darren. 

What did Darren say? (You can read the entire Bustle piece (X))

“There are certain [queer] roles that I’ll see that are just wonderful,“ Criss explains when we speak at a recent event for Clorox’s What Comes Next in New York, a few days after he returned from an overseas tour with his Glee co-star Lea Michele. ”But I want to make sure I won’t be another straight boy taking a gay man’s role.“Although Criss says it’s “been a real joy” playing queer characters like Blaine, Cunanan, and Hedwig in the Broadway musical Hedwig and the Angry Inch, he now doesn’t feel comfortable taking those roles, which is “unfortunate,” he says. “The reason I say that is because getting to play those characters is inherently a wonderful dramatic experience,” he adds. “It has made for very, very compelling and interesting people.”

One of the reasons they claim they don’t think Darren said the words is because they claim that print interviews are fake: 

12/18/18  ajw720 answered: 

I would like to see a video as well, nonnie, as I don’t actually think he said any of this shit. Print articles are never, ever to be trusted. They are generally fabricated.  

If you recall nonnie, D himself called out an article earlier this year (it may even be the one referred to in this piece of crap) for taking a quote of his out of context about his Filipino Heritage, likely as he was sick of being called white repeatedly.  Fact is, while he is able to correct the “white” narrative, he, at this time, is not able to correct the straight narrative so he can’t even defend himself when this utter nonsense is published in his name.

First of all print articles aren’t generally fabricated and most CAN be trusted if you vet them properly. Claiming  “ALL print articles are fabricated”- and therefore not to be trusted is a perfect cctrope because it gives them the out they need to label everything they don’t like-every single quote, every single story, and every single description as fake news. It’s the perfect strategy for ignoring everything Darren talks about that proves he isn’t Blarren- all the puns and sexual innuendos, all the crude comments, all the sweet things he says about Mia or his sexuality. All they have to do is remind their followers that it was in a print article and Woosh- it’s invalid. Trump is doing the same thing with his base-he’s grooming them to believe that the media is dangerous and that everyone fabricates stories about him. He calls them “the enemy of the people” so when the. NYT proves he laundered money for years through the Russian mafia or that he actively cheated during the 2016 election and is trying to cheat in 2020, his base will scream “fake news” and threaten to go all 2nd amendment on the rest of us.  

Once again Abby uses something to prove her point but misses the fact that it actually proves she’s full of shit- Darren did push back on the interview where he was misquoted regarding his Filipino heritage but he hasn’t pushed back on any other interview he’s ever given. We can see he’s capable of pushing back, he’s interested in making sure he is quoted accurately and yet we’ve seen no other example- the reasonable conclusion is that is because the other interviews weren’t misquoted.    

e Bustle piece and understand that he said he will no longer play LGBTQ characters. It’s clear that Darren has a far deeper understanding of the issue than Cassie and Abby.  Splitting hairs and claiming he didn’t specifically say he would never play a bisexual or trans character is stupid. What Cassie and Abby are missing in the article is this paragraph:

This conversation about straight actors being cast in gay roles is about more than just LGBTQ actors losing out on Oscars, of course. It’s about Hollywood missing an opportunity to embrace new talent who would better serve these stories. And over the years, actors like Criss have become more sensitive to these types of concerns. The Versase star understands that there is an added honesty to actor getting to play characters who share their identities. “The commitment to that drama is told in such a way that it can really effectively reach people’s lives,” Criss says. “I think that really is important.”

Abby gets her wish- there is an audio recording of him making this statement-albeit it was 4 months prior to the Bustle interview and he seems to have evolved his understanding of the importance of representation in those 4 months. In the Hollywood Reporter interview he said:  

“….But I do think about that now, you know, if roles come by that are LGBT leaning - I really think it would be insensitive to the gay community if I were to take another role. I think they’d have my head. You know, I would totally understand that. So I’m certainly cognizant of it. And while it is very tricky, I think the discussion and the questioning is really really important. And I think it’s good that we’re uncertain and I hope that we can find some kind of balance.” -Darren Criss, 8/26/18 

I am an idiot and can’t remember how I got the audio portion of the interview on to my blog so I have to refer you to my old post if you want to hear Darren say the words (X). 

I think you are correct- Darren is well aware the gay community will kill him but he doesn’t care because he has superpowers. 

EDIT** I found this charming comment from Chrisdare who is a “journalist” yet she knows nothing about journalism. I got in an argument with her once and she schooled me that journalists aren’t educated.and will say anything a publicist tells them too.  Whatever, Valentina,  Google should be your friend.     

Anonymous asked: It wouldn’t matter if you saw a video because you wouldn’t believe it anyway. You would say he was being forced to say it. Fact is CCers haven’t believed a thing

ajw720 answered:I believe many things nonnie. I also have a deep and fundamental understanding about hollywood works nonnie and that is something you clearly lack.

Further, if D was straight, i believe he would never allow them to portray him as an asshole.  D is an incredibly intelligent human being, he knows exactly how negatively the straight push reflects on him. and frankly, it would not be necessary if he exclusively slept with female persons with vaginas.

Have a nice life living in delusionville.    

chrisdarebashfulsmiles JCS shut the f** up. 

When we talk about articles and how they are made we talk about facts. I hate when you come here busting balls on professional stuff when you don’t know anything. You can’t even imagine all the shit we do as journalist

It’s not a matter of cc but the fact they are ruining D’s life and career. And if you are a fan you need to start opening your eyes and stop being an enabler. I swear you should feel guilty when he will come out because you helped keeping him in the closet.

Talk about dellusionville! 

**********Edit Edit *******(X)

chrisdarebashfulsmiles  Because there’s a power of attorney that allows RR and Ab to do so. To say something D has to prove that the article is harmful and he has to do it through a legal action. And this means breach of contract with all it entails like the two years of stop from signing an anything.

That IS NOT how “power of attorney” works.  But nice try- 10 points for originality and imagination! 

***Edit Edit Edit *********

Anonymous asked: An article you should read to help you understand how journalism works .tinyurl/com/y9s49tms. German Reporter At Der Spiegel Fired for Fabricating Stories “On A Grand Scale”. “I’m so angry, horrified, shocked, stunned,” Der Spiegel deputy foreign editor Mathieu von Rohr tweeted Wednesday. “Claas Relotius faked, he cheated on us all.” Journalists can’t just make up stories or publish falsities no matter how much you want to believe that is happening in Hollywood.

chrisdarebashfulsmiles answered: It’s amazing how is crystal clear that you never worked in a magazine or in a PR firm. I work since 2004 and I don’t need an article… I know how it works. We aren’t talking about WSJ and serious stuff. We are talking about gossip and showbusiness so don’t try to be smug because you are failing.

Have nice day/ night wherever you are. :) it’s evening here and I’m enjoying my free time.

bjpb8 Oh, my gosh who is this person. People thrive on gossip and “Rags”. IT SELLS. First begain with papers like En/quire, The Globe, etc. Then spread to SM with blinds. You think other magazines and papers do not want to make money. Everyone prints what sells depending on audiences. Embellishment is part of the trade. They want to catch your interest, which feeds right into what PR wants to sell! Tts a sybiotic relationship at best! It is just some are more talented at making what sounds like truth out of lies. Its called entertainment. You might want ro “read” about it.

The author of the Bustle interview has a master’s degree in journalism from CUNY New York so it is more like the wall street journal than it is the “website” you work for Valentina. Journalists have a degree in journalism.  Anyone can be a blogger - you’ve proved that. 

****Edit Edit Edit Edit *******

D/arren did not write that post! (X) 

12/19/18

ajw720 I have enough faith in Dar/ren Cri/ss personality and his respect and love for his fans to know that the comments attributed to him were not his.  I’ve seem this happen before…I’m sure many of you have, also.  Darr/en is stuck between a rock and a hard place right now.  When he finally writes a memoir about this time, he will let us know about his anquish, anger and remorse.  If one is a TRUE CC and Dar/ren fan, after years of roller-coaster rides via PR, et al…I will continue to take the advice of the person that runse THIS SITE.  “Trust the process…”

***********************************************************************

@geminess We have to trust the process and believe that C and D are working hard towards an ending to this absolute tragedy that is legally clean and does not jeopardize either of their careers.  

I believe in them, I cannot accept that D would ever willingly choose to represent himself in this manner and to continue this nightmare of a charade surrounded by utterly and completely vile, disgusting human beings.

Please, please, please may we be right.  I cannot repeat enough there is no alternative ending that is acceptable but D breaking free by ending this sham of an encage, severing ties with his inhumane team, and eventually coming out.  

And yesterday proved once again just how frightening the alternative is.  I would fear for his career and his life.  And it baffles and amazes me that anyone watching, even if you believe he is the straightest man alive, cannot see how harmful that article was.  It was like he used the LGBT+ community to win his awards and is now ready to dismiss them.

(X) 12/19/18

Anonymous asked: On the bright side, this means we’re coming to the end right?

ajw720 answered: Anon, we honestly don’t know, but we can only hope. If D extends his time with these assholes, it will be very ugly for him personally and professionally.

But logic seems to say that this article, the literally offends every fan but the blind and naive, is wholly unnecessary if in fact they are going to continue a professional relationships. And it did not just the fans, think about how many award voters they offended yesterday with that utter piece of crap.

Absolutely and utterly unreal. Hard to believe they are able to get away with working against their client at every turn.

Logic? One thing the cc fandom has proven in the last 10 years is that they do not understand or care about logic. 

12/24/18 (X)

ajw720 It’s interesting how there are such varying opinions on the “straight boy” article. And I think it comes down to 2 questions:

1. Do you believe D is a willing participant in his closeting?

2. Do you believe he actually said what the article alleges?

My answer to both is a resounding no (though he will be forced to validate the comments) and I have good reason to think this. But I certainly see why ones perspective is different if you answer one or both as yes.

This being said, no matter your answers to the above, I don’t see how it can be justified that he would dismiss b/laine in such a manner. And the timing, because I still think it makes him look like an ass and /or a coward as awards are voted for playing queer. And to repeat, I don’t think he should play queer again until his team is dismissed, so I’m not disagreeing with the premise, just the manner it was done, which again, I believe was without his consent.

Not posting to start a fight. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. I clearly am not afraid to state mine, which is very reasoned and based on a lot of information I’ve collected.

Just interesting that some very intelligent people, all of whom believe he’s closeted, can vary so much in what they believe.

[confusedtransguy]

Hey, I’m a confused trans guy. Have a second to help?

I want to preface this by saying I am on the autism spectrum, so consisely and accurately portraying what I mean and what I’m thinking is pretty difficult for me. I might ramble on here and might leave out something that may clarify my point or viewpoint (or whatever). Before you assume I’m trying to offend someone or that I’m choosing to be ignorant, I’d appreciate if you first ask me to clarify in either a reply, a reblog, a pm or an ask and I’ll do my best to clarify.

Continues under the cut: dysphoria, mentions of transphobia, truscum and transmed ideology. The tags are just to hopefuly get the people who might be intrerested in the topic seeing this post!

Secondly, I am a trans guy that experiences both physical and social dysphoria. I’ve been “in transition” for nearly 3 years, but my transitions hasn’t made it as far as I’d like it to have due to disability, lack of accessibility (money, transportation, healthcare, insurance, etc.), and being in the closet for a while. I want to preface the rest by also saying I totally understand any reason why someone wouldn’t mediclaly or socially transition due to any of these reasons (or any other reasons in people’s living circumstances). 

Thirdly, I want you to know that I am in no way trying to challenge or shoot down anyone’s viewpoint or opinion. I’m here timidly asking for help understanding this issue. Everytime I go looking on my own (yes, I’ve done googling and researching on my own for a very long time and haven’t gotten anything that has helped me better understand, sorry!) I get responses that never really answer my question and pose more questions rather than an answer. I’m, in no way, trying to offend anyone. I just figured this would be a good place to ask since it seems to be a pretty popular opinion (and possibly a widely-believed fact! I don’t know! Like I said, I’m here to figure it out!) here on tumblr.

So what am I getting at, you might be wondering. Well, I want to know how someone can be transgender without experiencing gender dysphoria.

Whenever I pose the question, I get called truscum, transmed, transphobe, etc. And I personally don’t want to believe that I am something so horrible. I just don’t know/understand. I have always, before I even knew what it mean to be transgender, separated gender identity and gender expression. I knew that just because someone was feminine, didn’t mean they were a girl. and just because someone is masculine, doesn’t make them a boy, etc etc. So what makes someone transgender if they don’t have gender dysphoria. and I don’t mean the suffering type of dysphoria, but more the disconnect in the brain of “Hey, this identity that I have been assigned doesn’t feel right, I have something else going on inside.”

I personally think it’s dangerous to say anyone is transgender just if they say they are. That’s not me saying I would tell someone they weren’t trans if they didn’t experience dysphoria, and I probably would never even ask someone if they did. I also would never disrespect someone’s pronouns. I never want to invalidate someone’s identiy, I just don’t understand what basis they have to base their identity on, if not gender dysphoria. 

For me, personally, being trans is extremely difficult and has brought me a lot of discomfort and misery in my short life so far. So, I don’t see how or why someone who doesn’t experience gender dysphoria would identify as transgender, let alone transition. 

Again, please please please do not think I’m trying to spread any sort of hate speech or anything. If anything, I’m asking to help me change my point of view. But, from my research, nothing makes sense to me because none of it has been explained to me. I feel like I’m not welcomed in the trans community because of my viewpoint, which is based on my own confusion. And I know that If I want to be a part of this community, I have to agree with the consensus. And please please please believe me when I say I’ve tried.

If you want to block or blacklist this account, feel free. I’m not forcing anyone to take the time to help me out. But if you do want to help, leave a reply, reblog this post with commentary, or send me a PM or an ask and I’d love to hear what you have to say!

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

do you know any good resources for detransition? (I looked at your FAQ but couldn't find anything)

Lee says:

None of the mods have personal experience with this, so we don’t have any resources to link to about it. Detransition statistics are closer to 3-5% of people after they make any sort of irreversible changes (here are two studies with similar numbers) which means that detransitioners are a minority within a minority, so it’s hard to find resources in it (that aren’t transphobic) since most trans people don’t detransition.

Detransitioning isn’t the same thing as going back into the closet at home for safety reasons, it’s stopping your transition and reversing it everywhere in your life. Being trans isn’t easy, but denying that you’re trans to yourself can sometimes be worse.

If you are not using the trans label anymore but it’s because of peer pressure or fear that you won’t find anyone who accepts you, you may actually still be trans but not able to handle being out of the closet for now. It’s okay to go back in the closet if you don’t want to be out, but if you are trans but don’t want to be because you weren’t accepted, detransitioning won’t help with some of your dysphoria- only self-acceptance and transitioning can.

You can also look into whether you’re actually non-binary if you were formerly identifying as a male or female. It’s possible you could still fall somewhere under the trans umbrella if you want to, but it’s also your choice if you no longer feel comfortable identifying as trans at all. 

genders / more genders / neurogenders / questioning

All that being said, sometimes you just aren’t trans after all! And that’s okay. You may want to explore the gender nonconforming label if you don’t feel you’re trans.

You also should try to figure out what caused you to identify as trans in the first place, and what you need to do to be comfortable in your detransition if you have decided that you aren’t trans. Investigating what compelled you to identify as trans might provide some clarity in what you want to do as you move away from the trans community. There’s often a lot of stigma around being trans, so people who choose to identify as trans and come out as such usually don’t do it on a whim. Were you uncomfortable with the gender roles you were assumed to have to fit? Was it physical/body dysphoria, and if so, how do you plan to cope with it as you detransition?

Also consider why you aren’t identifying as trans anymore. Were you comfortable with the trans label but unprepared for the discrimination/rejection that you experienced as a result of identifying as trans? Did you expect that your dysphoria would improve when you transitioned but it didn’t? 

No matter how far you transitioned, you should look into Therapists and therapy to help you cope with the process you have ahead of you.

“Knowing where to go starts with knowing oneself. Whether going to a male role, a female one, somewhere in-between, or genderless, the choice of action has to be done with even more certainty then was done the first time around. Waiting to decide may look like not being able to, but in the end it will be out of a more informed decision when it comes to ones unique identity, and not based off emotion and/or misguided ideas. A stable identity and expression must come from within, and not be fueled by the opinions of others.

If the basis of transitioning was simply because the belief one isn’t “X” and therefore must be “Y”, (grass is greener theory) then attempting to understand the reasoning behind the thinking is an introspection option. The reasoning behind that theory could be anything from confusing gender expression with identity, to disbelief in non-binary gender as it relates to the facets of identity and role. Separating preferred gender expression, gender identity, gender role, and sexuality will allow for easier understanding of the influences that make up the core self, and if one or more is based off external validation of a false belief.” (Source)

If you’ve socially transitioned: you could try to use the Coming out page to re-come out as your axab, and consider what you want to change as you detransition. Do you want to keep dressing masculine/feminine, or do you want to experiment with old clothing? Do you want to keep the same style as before your transition, or try something new? Do you want to go back to your birthname, continue with your chosen name, or find a new name? Change pronouns? Make a list of the goals you want to accomplish on paper- writing things out makes it seem more real. Writing things out and keeping a diary or a journal can help. 

If you’ve medically transitioned: If you’re afab you could look at the Transfeminine resources to see info on what surgical options are available and such, like breast augmentation if you had your chest removed or electrolysis if you’ve grown facial hair. If you’re amab you could look at the Transmasculine resources and start to research getting any breast implants removed, or top surgery to get rid of any chest growth from estrogen, etc. Either axab you can talk to your hormone provider about stopping hrt, and what to expect as you stop it, and if you’ll need to take estrogen/testosterone to restore your system to balance or not.

The trans community is often silent on detransitioning, as the vast majority of trans people don’t detransition and yet it’s kinda the bogeyman of the community because when people hear about someone detransitioning they think “oh no, what if I’m making a mistake too?” and so they don’t like to acknowledge it.

Despite that, there’s nothing wrong with exploring your identity- it’s okay if you thought you were one thing and it turns out you’re another. You’ve just learned more about yourself, and now you know that the trans label isn’t for you. 

If someone explores their gender identity, it doesn’t mean they were “faking.” Some people feel a certain way for a certain amount of time, and later their identity shifts- not everyone has a static unchanging gender for all of their lives. That doesn’t mean you were faking or were lying about it when you identified as trans.

You can look into connecting with other detransitoners to help provide you with support as you’re all going through a similar experience, but watch out for TERFs/radfems who may disguise their transphobia and transmisogyny as being “gender critical”. 

One important thing to remember: While you may not be trans, other people’s identities are still valid. Some detranstioners will start to believe that because they weren’t trans, nobody is trans- and that’s not true.

You may not have belonged in the trans community but the community is an important and helpful place for other people, and it shouldn’t be vilified as coercing/forcing people into identifying as trans because that sends the message that trans people aren’t actually trans and they’re just being tricked into it, which is really invalidating. 

There are issues with every community of course, and the trans community is no exception, but it’s possible to address that without invalidating other people’s identities.

All in all, I wish you the best on your journey, and I hope you find an identity and method of coping that makes you the most comfortable and happy.

Followers, any good resources for anon?

Followers say:

randomtranshiker said: I know 1 person who detransitionrd after a year of transitioning and living as mtf, on facebook they said ‘Over the past year of living as a women I have learned a lot more about myself and have learned to embrace some more feminine aspects of myself, but I have decided that being a female isn’t quite right for me so for now I will be going back to he/him pronouns. I appreciate all the support and I hope you will all support me in the future as I learn more about myself’ and I thought it was put really well. So it might be helpful for other people looking into detransitioning

questioningsideblog said: It is important to remember the reasons you transitioned in the first place. Even if you do not stick with it forever, there was a legitimate pain or feeling behind why you made those choices.

ishcadore said: Anon you have to understand that people who condemn trans people as “transtrenders” or claim its just a phase somehow compartmentalize the act of questioning yourself (and growing to understand yourself) as ‘not part of your life’ as if phases do not make up who we are and how we change as people.  Looking for your identity does not put you at fault, just as any other part of life doesn’t.  Those who do not try to find their own path and figure out who they are in the same way don’t…

kaykitty said: even if nobody ever detransitioned transphobes would use the possibility as an excuse for bigotry. by reidentifying you won’t “become” evidence for anybody’s agenda. don’t let anyone else’s hatefulness stop you from doing what you need to do. i know it’s really confusing and embarrassing but in my experience everyone has either been very accepting, if a little confused, or just as quietly baffled as they were when i started transitioning in the first place lol

[riazendira]

So, I'm only a few years younger than Vaspider and I gotta say, the 90's were a wild time in representation. I think people who weren't there have a hard time understanding exactly how much everything was in flux and fighting just to be.

The queer club at my college was called "the queer club" by the kids in it, but had four or five official names just in the time I was there. Everyone was trying to find the most representative name. It was The gay straight alliance, BGALD, QILTBAG, the GLBTIA, the LGBTQIA. It was all those things and more over the years. I don't even remember the order they came in. Couldn't even be certain that those shifts came in the same order on every campus in the near vicinity, let alone universally. And to say all this like it was a monolith!? Colleges were people with new ideas trying their best. But the internet was a baby, cell phones barely existed (and were only phones!) and your local library was your best and sometimes only source for where to find the most up to date information. (I'd argue it still is a great resource if you use it right, but it was a lot more of the ONLY option back then). Google was not at your finger tips, folks. Google was a WILD new thing that one of my college professors introduced me to when I was trying to write a contemporary based research paper. My computer ran on windows 95 and I was like lucky to own one as an individual and not have to use the computer library. MS paint was not retro yet! 9/11 had not yet happened.

Your straight parents might have had gay friends that were invited to dinner parties, but if they did, your parents were highly likely to not actually mention that those friends were gay-they were simply Hellen and Gloria, who got invited together just like Linda and Greg were. And Gloria was Hellen's "good friend". And baby you, you'd wake up a few years post puberty, figuring out you were queer suddenly going "Ohhhh, 'good friend" and still wonder if it would be safe to tell your parents you might bring home a 'good friend' one day too. And gay encompassed lesbians too btw. I didn't know either word until high school and I lived in a very liberal, though rural, area.

The queer world was visibly struggling to get open acknowledgement that it existed and was inventing language left and right so that it could be screamed in the faces of people saying our existence was invalid. Do you understand that you live in a time of great joy and privilege that you're even able to in fight about which people should be in which group, rather than which people exist at all?

Do you understand that these 'respectability politics' are ridiculous? That they are a way for people who hate you to take away your backup in this fight? We are all part of this battle and I'm sick and tired of people trying to single out one part of the queer community as somehow better. Btw, it was also "the gay straight alliance" because then anyone in the closet could come too. Because everyone figures this stuff out at their own pace. Do you all get that "figuring it out" often meant never speaking to your family again? Moving 100's of miles from where you grew up? Not having a "respectable" job if you were out? That you'd worry that it all came with a death sentence? And for some of your friends it did??? Mine was arguably the first generation where that was less common. Yours, my baby gays, is the generation where the biggest fear is we might slide back there if you keep taking it for granted that it couldn't never happen.

And all of this, gays, lesbians, bi/pan folks, is visibly ignoring the fact that all these fears are still very much an active reality for our trans siblings. Our non-white siblings. Our disabled siblings. And most especially our non-white trans and/or disabled siblings. So MY GOD could we stop fighting about the glory of a name made to be the best it could be that somehow got stagnated in its own developed privilege when it forgot where it came from? The queer community is meant to grow. It's meant to demand better. It's meant to hold all the flavors and colors of people who need its embrace to fight to exist. Stop pecking each other like deranged chickens and start asking your siblings with bigger problems than you have how the hell you can help them and demand people see them. You wanna be better? Fucking DO THE WORK.

I'm tired, y'all. Stop citing The Acronym like it's some kind of deep magic.

[keshetaylonit]

Transcript: This transgender Jew is tired of the anti-Semitism in the LGBTI community. After the Chicago Dyke March fiasco, where three Jewish lesbians carrying a Pride flag featuring the Star of David were kicked off the march by organizers for ‘supporting Zionism,’ the issue of anti-Semitism in the LGBTI community has been coming to light. Most recently, the Chicago Dyke March Tweeted using the term ‘Zio,’ a derogatory term for Jews coined by David Duke of the KKK. Many LGBTI advocates, like the organizers of the Chicago Dyke March, are vehemently anti-Israel, claiming the country is participating in an ‘genocide’ of the Palestinian people. One such activist is Pauline Park, a transgender woman associated with the group NYC Queers Against Israeli Apartheid, who often posts publicly about her pro-Palestinian activism, using buzzwords like ‘genocide,’ ‘apartheid,’ and ‘occupation.’ ‘That Pauline has no clue as to what genocide actually is, or what apartheid actually means, is obvious, but it is just as clear that she understands that such terms are trigger words for many whom she claims she is trying to persuade,’ writes Dana Beyer for Huffington Post. ‘That she is willing to defend a terrorist government that, upon meeting her, would ask her to kneel to be beheaded because she is a trans woman is inexplicable.’ ‘Is Israel a paradise for the LGBT community? No, not by a long shot. But it is getting better, and Israeli gay and trans people don’t escape into the West Bank and Gaza; Palestinians do escape into Israel. What is going on in the Middle East — and that includes the terror in Libya, Syria and Iraq, to say nothing about all the other rabidly sexist and homophobic regimes in the Muslim world — is not comparable to several months of demonstration against the LGBT Center of New York. Talk of “homonationalism” and “pinkwashing” as tools to stifle dissent is not just absurd; it is insane.’ Meet the fed up, trans, queer Jew Ariel Lipson is a 20-year-old queer trans man from Seattle, Washington. Lipson identifies as ‘Ay’lonit,’ which is a Jewish term used to describe someone ‘identified as “female” at birth but develops “male” characteristics at puberty and is infertile.’ Lipson began noticing the anti-Semitism of the LGBTI community upon entering high school. ‘The high school I attended was predominantly LGBTQ+, both students and staff,’ he explains. ‘While at the time I was working through my own internalised anti-Semitism, I did notice that being a part of Judaism, and being open about it ostracised me. I had people interrogate me about [the Israel/Palestine conflict], refuse to let me enter the space, and accused me of being complicit in genocide,’ he continues. ‘At this time I was staunchly anti-Zionist. As I got older, I saw the community become more and more cold towards Jews. I joined a youth group, and when I would talk about it, and people found out I was Jewish, they would be startled, and avoid me. I went to a LGBTQ camp, and while it was in general ok, there were moments of Jew = Israel. The main hub of LGBTQ+ space in Seattle is also big on activism, and being Jewish, and not willing to put up with comparisons to Nazi Germany or that your fellows control media/government/etc means that you are not going to be all that welcome in much of the spaces there.’ One moment in particular that sticks out in Lipson’s mind is the day he decided to wear a Star of David to school. ‘I had just bought it, and was so happy to wear it. I went to school, and felt proud. Here I was, accepting myself,’ he recalls. He then remembers having the following dialogue with a classmate: ‘“Oh are you Jewish?” “Yes.” “I had no idea. Sorry to hear that.” “What?” “You’re Israeli, so that means you kill children”’ ‘From that moment on I was shunned by classmates, had my trans authenticity mocked, as being Jewish meant I could not be LGBTQ+ for some reason,’ he says. Now, Lipson is sick and tired of engaging with non-Jewish LGBTI activists who often conflate Zionism with Judaism and utilize anti-Semitic tropes in their activism, such as Pauline Park. After recently being in a heated Facebook argument with Park, who told Lipson and numerous other queer Jews that their perspectives on anti-Semitism were invalid, he has officially had enough. ‘Any activist who behave as Ms. Park does is not an activist,’ Lipson states. ‘If they refuse to listen to a minority asking them to stop using stereotypes, tropes or words that oppress them, then they are not really working towards equality or freedom.’ ‘In short, I am hurt. However I am unsurprised. We saw it in [the Chicago Dyke March], we see it with Pauline Park, we see it with countless activists across the United States, Canada and the Western world.’ ‘As Jews, we have come to expect anti-Semitism in activist and LGBTQ+ spaces. I used to hide that I was Jewish, now I don’t. Is that dangerous? Yes. But it is a way to not only find the spaces that I can feel safe in, but I should not have to hide who I am. I should not have to be a closeted Jew. Being LGBTQ+ is about being proud. How can I be my whole and authentic self if I cannot be open about my ethnicity, people, culture, faith and history.’ Doing better moving forward Lipson believes that one can be anti-Israel without being anti-Semitic. He recommends this guide for how to do so. As for advice for the LGBTI community to be more inclusive of Jewish voices, Lipson says the following: ‘First and foremost, see us a human. View us as peers. We, too, are a minority. We, too, are oppressed. Ours is not just a religious culture, but an ethno-religious culture that stretches back nearly 6,000 years. Throughout that time, we have been oppressed. Our oppression did not begin, nor end with the Shoah. It still permeates today in every corner of the globe. Jews are fleeing France in droves. The last remnants of Syrian Jewry fled their homes not even 5 years ago.’ ‘If you want to be more inclusive to the Jewish LGBTQ+ community, start by listening. Like any other minority that you do not belong to, you do not get to dictate what is, or is not anti-Semitic. You do not get to tell us what our oppression is, or is not. That is for Jews, and only Jews, to decide. Your job is to stop talking, listen, learn, and act upon what you have learned to make your spaces safer for Jews. You do not get to interrogate every person with a Magen David Necklace or a Kippah. You do not get to stop listening to a Jewish person because they are a Zionist. That is not how activism works.’ ‘We do not rule the world. We do not eat babies. We do not sacrifice virgins. We do not run the media. We are real, live human beings. Treat us with respect as you would any other person.’ By: Rafaella Gunz @tikkunolamorgtfo @littlegoythings