#try the three C's

[peebls]

Seeing a lot of hopeless and no actual coping mechanisms in the notes, have some semi-silly-but-actually-serious advice from a much younger me:

More serious ramblings in the tags

Chronic suicidal ideation is your brain’s response to having no other coping skills. Your brain is trying to keep you safe with the comfort of knowing you can just opt out of [your problems] life at any point. Equipping yourself with better coping skills, better options, is the only way to combat this defense mechanism.

[ask-spiderpool]

Dear mod. I just wanted to ask how you're doing atm? Are you eating good food and sleeping well?

Oh bless you, anon! Regrettably, neither of those things, no. My appetite has been very poor since my surgery, and I'm more than a little sleep deprived with all the jobs I'm juggling at the moment - buuut... I'm alive. My head is good. My work is good. Always manage to make everyone happy, oh, yes sir, but can't wait to pass out for a whole day and then hang out with some friends. It'll heal me.

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

Hello may 31th anon! Look at that, another year behind us and a new one to come. Have a nice day! ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡

[cheriecelestial]

Jacob Black’s Self Saving System and His Shenanigans™️

[dawnofiight]

I'm only going to say this once and I'm only going to talk about this once because that's not the vibe I'm going for with this blog, but it IS the fucking vibe I can be on if you all really want to piss me the fuck off.

The misogyny in this fandom is getting swept under the rug. The way that you lot treat your fem listeners AND just women in general in this fandom is very fucking telling and I'm watching you mfers. You fuckers are genuinely so fucking ugly and weird.

1. Stop fucking making fem listeners baby like.

2. And I'm going to be as vague as fucking possible: the way y'all go about talking about women in this fandom is crazy asf. You may not mean it in a certain way but the way that y'all phrase it is saying some other fucking things. Unintentional misogyny is still in fact misogyny mother fuckers remember that.

If you THINK I'm talking about you then I probably am, so fix it.

[causeimanartist]

I'm trying to just get back into drawing more so have some sketchy sketches

[cdroloisms]

my insane c!stageduo headcanon list (incomplete) (aka: communication skills, just NOT these guys' forte, jesus christ)

c!dream never tells c!punz about scrapped lore. if he was really betrayed, after all, it would be more optimal to keep his potential betrayer from knowing what really happened, wouldn't it? if that happened. he's safe, no matter what, really. he has an impenetrable fortress and he's the only one with the keys. let them buy his mercenary, let them pound on his walls. sapnap has been howling outside for months and even with the greenery that's begun to grow in the cracks, nobody has ever managed to step a foot inside. quackity's fake cell had none of the defenses of the real one, he has nothing, just a pale shade of the glory that had resulted from countless hours of building and brainstorming and carving the glory that is pandora's fucking vault out from the sea. the next time they meet, it's almost a month later, and nothing further happens. he's not ambushed. there's no traps, no cells (he would be able to escape anything anyway, with pearls and totems and gapples in his inventory) (he only surrendered on that stage because it was the part to play, not because he couldn't literally make his way out with the gear he had) (he was in total control then. he still is now.) (when wilbur and tommy show up in the prison lobby just a few weeks later, for a second, he still wonders.)

c!dream never tells c!punz how long he was tortured. c!punz's job was to watch and wait. he did. he didn't make a scene of it, of course, and neither did he spend much time on spying on the prison, specifically (there was work to be done, after all. knowledge to gather. time, he found, is a delicate thing, and it would be remiss to not take advantage of the lack of scrutiny that comes with being seen as the server's hero) but part of keeping an eye on the server means keeping an eye on the prison (if anything is compromised, he'll have to take their research and run as soon as possible. they have a hidden base somewhere far out, where he can revive dream if necessary.) he has to watch a little bit closer after ranboo gets locked out, but he knows better than to try and visit--he sees quackity getting in an out, and well, a visitor means there must still be a prisoner to see, doesn't it? the first time he catches quackity visiting is march. the last time he does, it's september, and quackity looks harried as he runs to las nevadas. punz passes dried blood on the prime path a few times. dream tells him things went south, and mentions plans to attack quackity a few months after his escape with a keycard now dangling between his fingers, and so when he tells purpled over half a year later, it's just math, isn't it.

c!punz meeting with c!purpled to tell him about the revenge plan against quackity was behind c!dream's back. the question we get repeatedly in this scene is why punz is the one carrying the message at all, and there's a difference between dream bringing up his torture and how punz was emphasizing how fucked up he got from it. further, while c!dream emphasized how important it was that no one put together that he and c!punz were on the same side after staged finale repeatedly in the finale streams, c!punz was the one to break their cover by reviving c!dream in front of clingyduo when he could've done so in secret after the two of them left, meaning we have a precedent for c!punz being willing to break their cover for revenge-related purposes.

c!punz sees the inside of the prison exactly once before the finale streams. c!dream shows it off a little while after daedalus, before the lobby gets overgrown with stalagtites and vines, before he's scrawled over the walls in ink. he shows off the keycard, the security mechanisms, the lava-filled antechamber, the main cell. punz makes a comment about the blocks of netherite, only a little awkwardly. there's still blood soaked into the chest, permanently. dream mentions that there was a dog that sat there once, before sam killed it.

before the prison, in the experiments that they run once they've ensured the book works, punz dies--actually dies--exactly once as well. he has a better familiarty with magic and runes than dream, who knows enough to muddle his way through enchants and little more than that, and part of the reason why he was chosen in their little trio to be the one with the revive book was his aptitude in more magical things. (dream was a survivalist, not a mage, and punz had a whole secret potion room before pretty much anyone on the server.) limbo has schlatt, and had wilbur, (and schlatt saw dream with his book of moon runes, and ghostbur knew about the revive book on doomsday) and dream was the one, after all, to make his agreements with both--it just made sense for him to be the one to communicate. made sense not to let punz's presence become too obvious, even to the dead--ghosts are real, after all, and not all of them are known for keeping secrets. dream was the one that needed to have lives to lose in their little show, and dream was the one that might need to be revived remotely, if there were any unforeseen issues, and dream was the one that needed to die in front of the server and be carried off into the heart of the prison--where his endurance would be key to their survival. where it certainly wouldn't hurt to be prepared, to know exactly what he may have to survive (i thought i would be fine with raw potatoes) (do you know what that does to a person?, and the warmth of dream's blood on his palms.) limbos change based on the way that you die, and tommy saw darkness, and then happiness that didn't belong to him, and dream--well it wasn't his first time--and punz said, you know, my limbo sucks, (singular). it's simply more efficient to keep one person clear-minded enough to do what needs to be done, and limbo puts you through the wringer. that's alright. punz and dream like efficiency.

dream never stops paying punz.

[cent-scratchnsniff]

reread tiphs dialog recently. i love them lots

[fountainpenguin]

I think the funniest possible direction for post-Season 1 Dale is "Clocks something sus, develops a hero complex towards his abuser, and makes time for her while still ignoring his son."

City Lights AU is a cursed reality where the reason Dev didn't know Vicky abused his dad is because Dale refuses to accept that his ex-BFF is a terrible person. I can make them worse... I will make them worse.

[indigo-flowers09]

I WILL POST ART TMRW RAAGHHHH!!!!!!

[seafoamsol]

Process gif for the [ last piece ]! It was a bit of a rough ride.

[dvchvnde]

You let the thoughts pass by as you reach for his old bible amongst the stack of books he left for you. You pick it up gingerly, the cover tattered and worn. The spine is broken, snapped beyond repair. You're not much of a believer in pristine book collecting, but the state of it leaves you feeling an odd assortment of pity and intrigue. 

The scent of him is thicker on the cover. Robust. You hold it to your nose and inhale. It smells ashy, of old cigarettes and charcoal. Pine. It makes you feel a little dizzy. The potency of it is strong, gluing to the fibrils of your lungs where it soaks, stains them with the sticky tar of his masculine smell. 

The cover is made of old leather. You peel it back, and run your fingers along the inscription inside. To our boy, it reads, the scratch of ink pressing hard into the soft give of the hide. May he always find the answers he seeks. 

This seems to be a hope he'd taken to heart. Blue lines bleed through the thin pages. Underlines, highlights. Sections smeared with oil and ink, blurring the words together as he thumbed across them over and over again. The margins are filled with his own notes. Doodles. Insights. He fills space with ink. Musing over his own questions, and underlining the answer he finds.  

It almost feels intrusive. Voyeuristic. Had he not left it amongst the pile, you might have closed the book and put it away for the sake of his own privacy. But it draws you in. Ensnares you. His questions grow broader, the subject evolving. The answers he finds in the pages become less and less frequent. 

It feels—

Lonely. 

His despondency shows vividly when he covers the words in art. An entire page bears the face of a woman. The likeness is shaded around the eyes, in the arch of their nose. It must be his mother, perhaps. Maybe a sister. You turn the page, marveling at the artistry line in dark charcoal. A rifle. A bird. A skull. Cigars, scotch. Dog tags. A cross. Bible passages with toiling lines circled around them. Notes. Little insights stenciled into the margins. 

Another page speaks about head trauma. Brain injury. Bullet fragments. Low caliber. tbi is circled in blue with lines branching out from the side of the curve. impaired thinking. memory issues. personality changes, depression. 

remarkable the cognitive recovery is stenciled in between the passages over and over again, as if he was reinforcing this notion to himself. 

It's jarring. Uncomfortable. 

The next several pages are even moreso. It screams its loneliness into the thin paper and you read each divot until you can't anymore. Until the words run together, and stop making sense. It's all nonsensical. Scribbles, doodles, and numbers that mean nothing to you at all. Unnerved, you go to put it away—

Something catches your eye. 

It's a photograph. 

A younger version of Johnny, maybe. Shaded in black and white. He's barefaced, too. Beard shaved down to a thin dusting of stubble, an odd sight compared to the thick tangle of hair you're so used to seeing on him. His hair, too.

A mohawk. The shorn sides cropped as close to the skin as he could get. The top coiffed and styled for the photo. His asymmetrical hairstyle makes sense now. You trail your finger down the slope of his jaw.

You deep an indent underneath. Ink pressed tight to the thin page, bubbling up from below. You tuck the photo of him, all cocksure and rough around the edges, back into the seam before turning the page.

And it doesn't make sense. Not at first. A series of small sketches cover the page, littered across it like small pondstones leading to the bottom. Nahanni, you know. Recognise the magesty of this gorgeous park. You follow the trail, thinking distantly of your old art teacher in school and the magnetism of the gaze, and—

The bottom is a black circle. Needlepoints cutting through the curves. Sitting in the centre is woman. She sits in the valley watching a moose graze at the bottom of knoll, and in her hand sits an apple—

"What'd ye got there?"

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

RED LIGHT

[mccleans]

i've gone to sleep angry and woken up angry every day since last saturday

[recurring-polynya]

Izakaya Kamenoya

I am re-watching the Captain Amagai arc, which I love because it has just a shit-ton of Seireitei slice-of-life worldbuilding. Early in the arc, Kira goes to the bar with Renji and Iba to sob about how his new Third Seat is better than him, and it made me wonder-- do the lieutenants always go to the same bar, or does the anime just make up a new one every time? Episode 172 had a nice shot of the exterior:

I immediately went to Episode 355 (the second New Year's episode), because I'm always thinking about Rukia shotgunning that beer while Renji gazes on lovingly, and it certainly *looks* like same place, but again, maybe that's just a very standard-looking izakaya.

I decided that trying to translate the kanji might help. They're more visible in the first image. The ones on the paper lantern, 酒処 were easy, because they just say izakaya (literally, "alcohol" and "place"). That just supported the idea that this was just some generic bar. For the kanji on the wooden lantern, which appeared to be the same as the ones on the sign above the door, I managed to puzzle out the bottommost one, 屋, which means "shop" or "restaurant." Hmm.

At this point, I was feeling a little stumped, so I went looking for other screen shots.

Other bar scenes I could remember took place in: Episode 179 (Ukitake and Kyouraku try to angle Amagai into a threesome). This had a clearer shot of the sign, and it's definitely the same as the lantern.

Ep 305 (Kira and Hisagi go for drinks after work and run into Unohana having "Ladies' Night" with Soi Fon, the Kotetsu sisters, and Yachiru ????)

And finally, Episode 265 (the end of the Sword Beasts arc, Ladies' Night again, I guess, this time with zanpakutou)

and bingo, they actually translated it for me, this time!!

In, the only one that didn't turn out to take place at Izakaya Kamenoya was from Ep. 303, the first New Year's episode. The SWA holds their holiday luncheon here (the sign says 茶屋, or "tea house") .

It is also not the place where Rukia and Renji announce their engagement in WDKALY, that place is called Safflower, and it's fancier and it's specifically mentioned that it's way classier than everyone's usual digs.

That's neither here nor there, let's get back to Izakaya Kamenoya!

Later on, like when I was 90% of the way through writing this post, I realized there was an earlier shot of the sign in episode 172 that was also translated (which I thought I remembered and then assumed I had hallucinated when I couldn't find it, but it was from a separate trip to bar with Kibune and Kira's shitty subordinates). Conveniently, it's also probably the most readable out of all of them. EDIT: I didn't notice when I pasted this in here, but they translate it as Kamegameya here, which seems like a mistake? B3 suggests they might have read the second character as a repetition (with the k turning into a g, which I don't know all the details of, but I assume it's that thing that happens in Japanese when a word is in the interior of another word and it gets a harder consonant, the same way the s in "sakura" in Senbonzakura becomes a z). Google also tells me that the name of Yugi's grandfather's game shop in Yu-Gi-Oh is called Kame Game, so I wonder if the subtitler here was just working on muscle memory 😂. I'm sticking with Kamenoya, although Turtle Turtle Bar has its own charm)

The three characters in the upper left are 居酒屋, which is just a different way to spell izakaya.

"Kame" was easy to translate, it's the leftmost large character on the sign, 亀. It means "turtle", but the second meaning is "heavy drinker," so I'm guessing this might be a bit of a pun. Unfortunately, googling didn't turn up any further detail on this.

I puzzled a little over the middle character, until I realized that it might be 之, which is an older version of の. Oh, says me, who only speaks the Japanese I picked up from anime, it's Kame no ya, the way all the inns in Kakuriyo end in "ya." It just means "House of the Turtle", or "Turtle's Pub."

Turtle's Pub. Can we just take a moment to reflect on the fact that the lieutenants (and sometimes captains) like to hang out at someplace called Turtle's? I am so charmed by this. I have not been so excited since the time I realized that Renji was wearing the koi hoodie in the Bount Arc OP.

It's possible that it was just named by a guy who has "kame" as part of his name or who likes turtles, or as I said, maybe it's a pun, but there are two other possibilities I thought of:

In line with this post on the naming scheme for the Seireitei Gates, perhaps it's in the north part of the city, and named after Genbu the Black Tortoise-Snake

When I am making up business names in my fanfic, I often like to associate them with the squads they are near-- dragons for stuff near Squad 10, fish for 13, firebirds for things that are more city-wide. It's partially trying to tap into squad solidarity, and partially so people have a clue where your place is located in this stupid maze city. I love the idea of some former captain with a turtle-themed zanpakutou, whose is fondly remembered because someone happened to name a good bar after them.

I looked up that extremely questionable Blood War era Seireitei map, wondering if maybe Squad 3 was near the north gate:

It turns out it is not (assuming the unlabeled squads just go in order), but you know what is? Squad 10. So if Kamenoya is named after the North Gate, I assume everyone drinks there because it's close to Matsumoto.

(thank you very much to @kaicko for checking my work)

[july-19th-club]

so my brother has what's either a hideous flu or a hideous covid (probably the second option, because it's surging) and instead of staying home he came to christmas if we're not all miserably ill by this time next week it'll be a miracle