#try looking up 'the skin gap' if you're interested in this issue

[everett-true-daily]

[charlottecutepie]

☥ Bunny meat (William Afton x fem!reader x Michael Afton)

Summary: He was a likeable middle-aged man who had wonderful children, his dream job and a beautiful wife. He never blamed himself for his own actions, or to be more exact, he never thought about their consequences.

tags: darkfic, unhealthy relationship, angst, smut with plot, p in v, dubcon, oral sex, rough and gentle sex, daddy kink, blood play, knife play, fear play, hurt/comfort, violence, gore/murders, child abuse, follows fnaf lore, moral and physical abuse, virginity kink, anxiety disorder, age gap, daddy issues, unreliable narrator, hallucinations, hidden pairing, William is sick, psychopathy, unhealthy narcissism

Chapter 5. Desire

Surprisingly, Wiliam behaved restrained, but inside him everything was on fire, he wanted to take you here and now, harshly and rudely, do things with you what he had long dreamed of all this time, but he knew perfectly well that if he snapped now, you'd be even more scared, cut with him all connections and will avoid him, and maybe even do something to yourself, because you're nothing but a little frightened lamb. A little creature who grew up alone, not needed by anyone, who didn't receive the proper amount of love and attention from her father. And that's why Afton thought he was the perfect source of all these feelings for you.

Perhaps, to some extent, he felt sorry you. However, his mind ignored such thoughts.

“William,” you spoke to him. “Is there no one at home?”

“Yes, Clara with kids left, I don't know where. She said she wouldn't be back until the morning.”

…

The Afton house is still same as it was before. Only coffee machine bought by the father of the family has changed. Although he earned a lot of money, little of it went to home improvement, Afton always invested only in the pizzeria, trying to make it as visible and attractive as possible.

It was also impossible to ignore the couch that was in the living room of the house. For you as a child, it was the most favourite object in Afton's house, you sat on it with Michael in the evenings and watched cartoons. When you had sleepovers with other kids, you hid under the covers because of Michael's scary stories. You often fell asleep on it late at night, without waiting for your mom, although she promised that she'd pick you up from the guests, but sometimes she never showed up because of scandals with her husband.

This couch evoked hundreds of emotions and nice memories.

But now, one more thing will be added to all these early memories: the way you lie on this couch under man who you saw as father, no matter how strange it sounds.

“You're so… beautiful,” he hovered over your body, his eyes running over it. “such delicate skin, like an angel's.” he took your hand, interlacing your fingers, kissing them. All thoughts in your head gathered into one big ball, you tried to analyze the situation somehow, but useless, because of his actions, you felt lost. William breathed out your name and greedily pressed his lips to your neck, showering it with light kisses.

You closed your eyes and turned your head to the side to give him more space, trying to relax, it seems you were succeeding. But unexpectedly for you, you felt him bite your neck.

“Oh!” bursted out of you, your free hand burrowed into his hair, trying to pull him away. “William, it hurts…” he looked up at you.

“I’m so sorry, bunny,” he smiled warmly at you. “I’ll be gentle.” he moved closer, gently kissing you on the corner of your lips. You leaned forward, hoping that this innocent kiss would turn into something more, however, Afton had other plans, he grinned and straightened up. “So impatient.”

He unbuttoned first three buttons of his purple shirt, which was enough for you to see the strange scars covering his body. You couldn't help, interest took over and your hands tentatively touched the bare area of his body.

“Where are they from?” you asked softly, causing him to chuckle again.

“It doesn't matter now, sweetheart.” he loosened the belt of his pants, after which he kissed your neck again, this time he kept his promise: you felt his tongue licking little wound he made. William took you by the hips, moving your body closer to him. “Y/n, you want this, don't you?”

“I… uh, I don't know.”

There is silence in response. William could tease you and your body for hours, nibbling and kissing it, making you sigh languidly, but this night he wanted to satisfy you first. He wanted to make you dependent on him, so that you couldn't live a day without his touch, so that you took the initiative yourself, so that you were head over heels in love. Corrupt you. However, he didn't know you were already so dependent on him, you want him to love you like in fairy tales about princesses, you want him to give you all the love that you were deprived of as a child. You just wanted someone to save you from loneliness.

You felt something hard pressing against the inside of your thigh, but you didn't want to look at what it was because of your wild embarrassment. Afton took something out of his pants pockets.

“Here, I see you need it,” you saw him holding out his hand to you with some kind of strange round pill. Confused, you looked at him, waiting for some explanation. William only laughed and ran his finger over your lips, opening them. “Yeah, and here it is, good girl.” he said, pushing the pill deeper until, due to the urge to vomit, you grabbed his wrist. “I'm sorry, baby, I just don't have anything to wash down the pill with.”

“What is it?” you winced at the unpleasant taste.

“Tranquilizers so you don't get nervous. Actually, they're mine, but I can tell by the look on your face they'll be useful for you too.” his hands carefully, as if afraid to scare you even more, undid the clasp of the dress, lowering it from your shoulders down. Unable to contain your shyness, you tried to hold the fabric on your body until William looked at you, as if mentally saying “don't.” Then your grip loosened, there was nothing you could do but obey. “that's it, good girl.”

When he wanted to take off the dress completely, you still grabbed on it, not letting it slide off your hips.

“Princess, if you keep doing this, then we won't succeed.” William looked into your eyes, putting your hands behind your head. “I won't hurt you.”

You nodded, trying to lose yourself in your feelings again. It seemed to be easier with the help of a sedative. You didn't even notice how you were only in your underwear in front of him.

“Damn, you're incredible.” he threw the dress somewhere on the floor, kissing you on the cheek while his hands caressed your hips and waist. You bit your lip to stifle a groan. Fuck, no one has ever touched you like that, especially in places like this, and when William ran his hand along the inside of your thigh, inadvertently touching your crotch, you arched your back. “it felt good, didn't it?”

William repeated the movement, but now paying more attention to your clothed pussy. The excitement took over, forcing you to move your hips towards his movements. A shudder of desire went through your whole body, Afton saw it perfectly, he kissed your collarbone, going lower to your breasts.

“Fuck, you have no idea how long I've been dreaming about this.” those words echoed in your head, but you didn't pay attention to it. “Honey, you're just so beautiful.” William ran his hands over your breasts, pinching your nipples hard with excitement.

“William…” you got the courage. He looked at you questioningly, damn, you hoped you said it so quietly that it would go unnoticed. “kiss me, please.”

He laughed. In a moment, his lips are on yours, like a predator. At that moment, you forgot absolutely everything, giving yourself completely to him. You moaned into his mouth, feeling his long fingers touching your pussy through your soaked panties. With one imperious movement, he pulls off the last piece of clothing, leaving you completely naked in front of him.

“And now? Not so scary anymore?”

“I don't know what i feel…” you were in turmoil, all fears and thoughts disappeared, a wild desire came to replace, no, not of intimacy, not of sex. But his affectionate words and compliments, the way he touches you, his gentle kisses and hugs, the way he treats you.

His fingers gently touch your labia, slowly and smoothly they move in circular movements along clit, getting another moan from you. With his other hand, he holds your legs, preventing you from moving away and closing them.

“And now, honey?”

“It's weird, but…” you avoided his gaze. ”feels good…” you answered unsure. Smiling contentedly, he removed his fingers. You noticed that as soon as his hands left your body, his movements in relation to himself instantly changed: he roughly, jerkily took off his belt and unbuttoned the fly of his pants, pulling them down. It’s like he was controlling himself when touching you.

“Lick them.” Afton said in a commanding tone, running his fingers over your lips. It was terribly embarrassing for you, but you did as he said anyway. You watched his actions with a note of sweet and naive excitement, the way his fingers penetrated deeper and deeper, pressing on your tongue, again caused unpleasant sensations to vomit. “Sorry, but there's no other way, I don't have any lube.”

When he pulled his fingers out of your mouth, quite considering how wet they were, you felt uncomfortable, but probably if you tell him about it, he's unlikely to listen and stop. The only thing left to do was to lie under him like a doll and enjoy.

“You're an obedient girl, aren't you?” his fingers went back to your glistening pussy, caressing your needy clit. Your breathing stopped instantly.

“Yes…” you whimpered when you felt his fingers, wet with your own saliva and grease, smoothly, insanely slowly entering you. William is building up the pace, not too fast, but enough to make soft sweet moans come out of your mouth. “Daddy…” you drawled languidly, feeling your soft walls tighten around his long fingers.

“Yes, princess?” Afton kisses your neck while his free hand wraps around his cock that was already out of his trousers, hard and dripping with precum. “Tell daddy what you want.”

“Please, want more…” you whispered in his ear, this time trying to be as seductive and sexy as possible. William found it funny.

“You'll get more, baby,” his breath tickled your skin. “Daddy will make you feel good.” Afton pulled out his fingers, causing you to moan in disappointment, oh, how he enjoyed it, it felt like he was ready to cum just from your angelic voice.

William tilted his head, being between your legs. The whole picture made you dizzy, you glance at him in surprise, trying to predict what will happen next. William grins, seeing how your curiosity plays tricks on you when he gives your clit a tender kiss.

“Ohhh, daddy,” this word is so vulgar, it sounds completely indecent on your tongue, but right now you don't care, all that matters is William Afton and the wild need to be needed by someone, loved, appreciated. “Yeah…”

The release builds up with an unfamiliar, wildly pleasant feeling in the lower stomach, making you want to close your legs, but his hands continued to hold them apart. His tongue feels too good, slowly moving in circular movements over your cunt, paying more attention to your clit while two fingers slowly and smoothly fucks you, forcing you to switch from moans to sobs and soft screams.

William accelerates, his movements getting faster and rougher, but no less passionate, making you arch from pleasure. With one hand buried in his dark brown hair, you try to set the pace, but he can do fine without you, so it's useless, he's much more experienced. He explored you with his tongue until the trembling left your supple body. William could feel your walls clenching around his fingers. His free hand continued to jerk himself off with increasing movements, while he was eating you out.

You sighed desperately when Afton stopped stimulating you with his tongue, lifting his head and looking at your reaction, his fingers still inside.

“Do you want to cum for daddy?” he asks, you just nod quickly, wishing of putting an end to these sweet torments that drive you crazy. “No, I need you to say it, honey.”

“Yes, yes, yesss,” you say brokenly. “I…” an uncertain pause. “I want to cum, daddy, please!” oh, it was so humiliating, but what was more terrible that you liked it.

“Good girl.” William increased the intensity of his movements, hitting all right sweet spots of yours. You moaned loudly, feeling everything tense in your lower abdomen, which means an imminent orgasm. “do it, cum while I fuck your little pussy with my fingers.” William growled, his hand that was touching his own cock stopped, now squeezing your neck, pressing on the carotid artery, but hearing your wheezing, he his grip loosens.

Your moans, which are more like crying, turn into loud, piercing “oohs”, your head's spinning, your brain's melting, everything is like in a fog, you can't even see Afton's face. The long-awaited release is catching up with you. You cum, you cum so hard that you feel ecstasy running through your whole body, you feel that your breathing becomes ragged, and your pussy clenching on his fingers.

“Such a good girl,” because of orgasm, you don't even hear what he says, and you don't want to, you need time to regain your strength. “it's my turn now, baby.”

He takes his fingers out, brings them to his mouth and licks them, studying your reaction. William touches his member again, his heartbeat quickens, his eyes now closed, apparently he's thinking about something. Yes, he's definitely imagining something in his head.

“Tell me, do you love daddy?“ he asked, his voice hoarse from excitement. He isn't even looking at you.

“Yes,” you responses quietly. Taking advantage of the moment, you look at him in detail while he doesn't notice. Damn, how handsome he was, his long, such aristocratic fingers that played with the tip of his cock, rubbing cum along entire length, his slightly disheveled but insanely beautiful brown hair like milk chocolate, his sharp cheekbones, it was stupid to deny that he was unattractive. “I love daddy, I love you, William.” you didn't even fully understand what you were talking about. You was just saying what he wanted to hear.

He pumps his cock faster, you see how he shuddered, like saying your name or something else, you can't understand. But you catch yourself thinking that it's damn beautiful. If your mom found out what you were doing, she probably wouldn't be happy.

He cums on your stomach, with a loud groan, and then, breathing heavily, falls on the couch next to you, staring blankly at the ceiling. What is he thinking about? Is he even thinking now? You're lying obediently by his side, trying to figure out what just happened, but your brain doesn't want to think, your head is aching, your temples are throbbing. William turns to you, then looks at the crumpled dress on the floor, then back at you.

“Let's go to the shower, bunny, I'll help you wash up.”

…

The next morning came for you only closer to 12, when you were suddenly woken up by the sound of the door opening. It was Clara with Michael and Elizabeth. Confused, not even realizing that you were in their house, you jumped up from the couch.

“Michael, give Elizabeth that hoodie, you're not wearing it anyway.” woman's voice was heard somewhere in the hallway area, which means that she was nearby.

“Mom, these are my things, and just because I don't wear them doesn't mean that—”

Michael entered living room, but when he saw you, he froze in place.

“Y/n? What are you doing here?” he asked, a slight smile appearing on his face.

“Who are you talking to?” Clara’s voice sounded, but as soon as she appeared in the room, her emotions immediately changed. “Oh, hello, honey.” woman affectionately called your name, coming up to you and sitting down on the sofa. “Elizabeth, go say hello to Y/n!”

Girl immediately rushed over, you noticed a plush toy in her hands, it seems it was the same robot girl drawing of which Elizabeth recently showed you. She greeted you cheerfully, all you could do was say an awkward “hello” in response, still trying to remember how you even ended up here. Clara stroked your head, her gaze fixed on your face, on your tousled hair and lost expression. You knew that you had to say something in your own defense, why you were here.

“Sorry for such an oversight, I had some problems with my mom, and Mr. Afton told me to spend the night here.” you lied, and then mentally slapped yourself. Damn, this is so dumb. The Afton family knew that you had the best relationship with your mom and that you had never argued. You doubted how truth your words sounded, but judging by Clara's reaction, everyone believed you.

“Honey, I'm glad that you have somewhere to go, you know that we'll always welcome you with hugs,” she said tenderly, with maternal love. “You must be hungry. I'll go to the store and cook breakfast, what do you think?”

There was no point in lying further, you really needed something to eat, so you silently agreed.

Mrs. Afton went to the nearest grocery store, taking Elizabeth with her. You and Michael were left alone, you gradually began to remember what happened, and with the realization that you and Afton had something, you were overtaken by a sickening anxiety, causing your toes and hands to go numb and shake, and your heart to beat faster. You two were sitting on this damn couch watching TV, however, neither of you was interested in what the old screen was showing. You were sitting hugging your knees, wondering whose clothes you were wearing: they were of a child surely, with some kind of cartoon print, a t-shirt and, as it seems, Michael's pants. He didn't hesitate to look at you from head to toe, which slightly annoyed you.

“Michael, stop staring.” You hissed, tucking your face into your lap.

“I'm just trying to figure out,” he paused, thinking about something. “why are you wearing my dead brother's t-shirt?”

“What?”

“Well… I'm not accusing you of anything… it's just…” he scratched his head, clearly not knowing what to say to you. ”Okay, forget it. It's just my shit in my head.”

“Michael, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…” you looked at him. Why did William choose his dead son's clothes out of all? “There must be some kind of misunderstanding.”

“It's nothing, y/n, you shouldn't worry so much about it.”

You looked at the TV, trying to come up with some kind of ridiculous excuse, but in vain. And how long can you lie?

“Speaking of my brother… today, Elizabeth, mom and I went to his grave.” Michael muttered, you knew perfectly well that this topic of conversation wasn't the best, because the he blamed himself enough for what happened. You decided that the best thing you can do now is just listen to him. “You know… it's already overgrown with grass. We had to work hard to get the grave back to normal. Oh, and there's also a lot of webs.”

You knew that only people who cared for Evan's gravestone were Clara and Michael. William, after his son's death, never visited grave, and even more so, didn't attend the funeral, citing the fact that he had a lot of work. And when Evan was in a coma, with minimal chance of survival, Michael came to him almost every day, crying and begging for forgiveness.

You knew that Michael was just a traumatized guy and it was useless to blame him for all this, he had already heard a lot about himself from his father, so you just moved closer to him when you noticed him dropping tears on the couch and hugged him.

Half an hour later, Mrs. Afton returned from the store. Michael wasn't in such good mood as before, but as soon as his mother crossed the threshold of their house, he seemed to put on a mask of happiness, meeting her and helping to carry bags into the kitchen.

For breakfast, which smoothly turned into lunch, Clara served macaroni and cheese and caesar salad. Your stomach, which hasn't received normal hot food for a long time, rejoiced and you ate all two portions in a few minutes. Elizabeth talked most of all at the table, telling you something about robots and toys again. Yes, once upon a time Michael, and Clara herself, told you that she took after her father. She's also interested in mechanics and loves animatronics.

Looking at this whole family, you felt guilty about yesterday. Probably, to some extent, you even hated yourself. Mrs. Afton, the nicest woman you've ever known, after your mom, of course. Michael is a devoted and faithful friend, as well as a caring brother, Elizabeth is just the sunshine of this family, cheerful, everyone's favorite. And William is a charming and likeable man who was ready to do anything for his family and work. At least that's how the family seemed to you in your head.

You're lost in your own thoughts, stopped listening to Elizabeth's babble. The damn guilt was eating you, making you sick of yourself. How could you do that? How dare you drag a married man, the head of the family, into bed, and then sit at the same table with his family, smiling innocently at everyone. What the fuck is wrong with you? Mrs. Afton will definitely find out, Michael will find out and Elizabeth will find out, and then you will become a disgrace to the whole town. You will become known as a little slut who seduced a married man. Not just a man, but William Afton himself.

“By the way, honey, did William tell you where he is?” Clara asked, and you squinted, trying to remember what Afton had told you before you dozed off.

“He said he was going to the pizzeria to work.” you said, it was true. Clara's face changed.

“What?” a rhetorical question. “he never worked on that day, he always had a day off exactly… today.”

Meanwhile, William was already at the pizzeria.

[i-cast-teatus-deletus]

@magnetronic I think the easiest way to think about a routine for dry skin is to start by discussing moisturizing ingredients.

humectants - draw water from the inner layers of the skin (and from the external environment if there's sufficient humidity) to help keep the top layers of skin moist

some popular humectants in skincare are: butylene glycol, hyaluronic acid, sorbitol, honey

emollients - lubricate and fill in gaps between skin cells

some popular emollients in skincare are: silicones, squalene, jojoba oil, and meadowfoam oil

occlusives - slow moisture evaporation from skin by creating a physical barrier

petroleum is the best for this task by a long shot (and is extremely well-tolerated), but other occlusives include lanolin, beeswax, palm kernel wax, and mineral oil

These aren't entirely separate categories, and some ingredients have both emollient and occlusive properties. Anything you're looking to use to should have something from at least one of these categories pretty prominently in the ingredients list. This is a pretty widely accessible writeup with a lot more ingredients than I listed, and this one has a lot to chew on if you're interested in more technical stuff. This one is about reading ingredient labels, which is helpful if you're not used to it.

There's also a large number of ingredients that aren't serving any of these purposes explicitly that are also used to help dry skin with various levels of clinical backing and widespread use. Ceramides are the most important item in this category, but it also includes things like colloidal oatmeal, centella asiatica, panthenol, etc etc. There's a whole bunch of them and they're talking about new ones every single week it feels like. They can be further down the ingredients list and still be effective.

So, when you're looking at creating a routine around dry skin, it can be helpful to think of trying to get kind of a sundae bar of these various ingredients and ingredient categories while not creating a burdensome routine. Especially if you're having other skin issues like dermatitis or a damaged skin barrier, sticking to a routine with 2-4 products that don't irritate your skin and that you apply consistently will be your ideal goal. This will give you some consistent products that you know will behave, and a full routine to go back to if try a new product and it irritates your skin.

You're aiming to set up something that'd look sort of like this:

Face Wash: a particularly mild and hydrating foaming wash OR a face milk or other less-stripping cleanser OR the least-drying option, a micellar water (I'm trying to keep this general, and I've never personally used it, but it's my understanding that Bioderma Sensibio is a best-in-class, ultra mild micellar water that doesn't have fragrance). If you can't tolerate any of those, rinsing your skin with water is also viable. I wouldn't worry too much about getting moisturizing ingredients here, because you'll be rinsing it off anyway.

Moisturizer 1: a thin moisturizer that's got water, humectant ingredients, and maybe some emollients. Hyaluronic acid is one of your better options here, unless you live in a very dry climate or don't tolerate HA. I sincerely think the Japanese do this step better than anyone else on the planet, and if you import nothing else, this step would be the step to do it. Even now that Japanese and Korean toners have been in the West for close to a decade, the West is still not really making products that provide a lot of moisture that you can layer. I love Hada Labo (both this Moist version and the much more moisturizing but stickier Premium version), but if you hate hyaluronic acid, there are a handful of options, including Matsuyama and Kikumasamune (which does have added fragrance, but it's never bothered me).

Moisturizer 2: A thicker lotion with more emollient ingredients and maybe even an occlusive ingredient or two. Japanese or Korean emulsions fit this category, as well as any lighter or creamier lotions you may have.

Occulusive: something chunky to seal in everything that's come before. Petrolatum is ideal if you're very dry, either by itself in something like Vaseline or in a product with additional ingredients like Cerave Healing Ointment. If you can get away with less here, something like shea butter or lanolin are ideal. This should be a really thick cream or an ointment texture. You may not need this during the day, but you will almost certainly need one at night.

I think one of the big issues when designing this part of your routine is finding basic skincare that is basic enough. I think it's really important that these four items (or three, if you decide you desperately want or need to skip one of the moisturizer steps) have no fragrance (or extremely minimal fragrance that has never bothered you), no essential oils, no actives (why does every Western toner have glycolic acid and every Japanese toner have retinyl palmitate?), and I try to keep plant extracts to a minimum too just because of my own allergies unless I know already that it's beneficial (I also can't do snail mucin, another popular moisturizing ingredient in Asian skincare circles, because I'm allergic to it).

So, for example, my routine is in flux right now because a bunch of items I've been using for years have been reformulated and I'm allergic to the new versions, so I am trying some new stuff, but the stuff I'm currently using in these spots we discussed above are are:

Face Wash: Face Shop Rice Water Bright cleanser - a foaming cleanser with fragrance that I've been using for a decade, but if I was replacing this with something milder I'd probably pick something like LRP Toleraine cleanser or Sioris Cleanse Me Softly or SANA Cleansing Milk.

Moisturizer 1: Isntree HA Toner, but I slightly prefer Hada Labo Moist and I'm going back to it when the bottle is empty.

Moisturizer 2: Hada Labo Premium Emulsion, which is a thicker and creamier formulation than the regular lotion. My Soon Jung Barrier Cream fills a similar niche as a very liquid-y cream.

Occlusive: Now that my skin is fairly stable and I patch test and stop using things as soon as it's obvious they're drying me out or giving me a rash, I rarely need to use Cerave Ointment as my occlusive on my face, but I still use it on my arms and legs and in the winter sometimes.

I can usually get away with Illiyoon Ato Ceramide Cream (Though I am trying Aestura Ato Barrier once the Illiyoon is empty).

My other advice for Western skincare brands is I look for stuff that says it's safe for eczema. "Fragrance free" doesn't mean much, and neither does "hypoallergenic," but a formulation that says it's good for eczema (or people with eczema on the internet recommend) at least gives me an idea it might be suitable for my skin.

Also, Yesstyle isn't always the cheapest place to buy, but they happen to be a place that does both Korean and Japanese stuff that actually lists ingredients and keeps them semi-current (unlike posting Amazon listings, for example).

[walkintrafficjam]

Two side of the same coin

Recently, I remember this channel Markiplier created that was meant to be deleted. I think the concept is really interesting. As we are prone to want to hold on to memories. So many of us take pictures to look back on events.

But by not taking that picture, I think I hold on to the memories even more. One random night, under the palace of fine art, I saw the moon as red, big, and round as it ever can be. A marvel to behold. If I took a picture of it, it would just be another cool photo in my album. However, by not having the physical reminder, I cling to it even more. Having it burns in my mind.

Despite saying all of this, I'm acutely aware that having records is a privilege. Only the rich and noble are able to write down their experiences, leaving behind those who couldn't write their history down. It's a known fact in historical bias. I read an article for my Tourism and Management class about how the idea of tourism is very western centric. The classic idea of a big expenditure trip while forgetting the small routine tourism. Smaller nuance one where a poor kid might travel 70 miles to visit their family members somewhere else. Small yet impactful. I think the idea of how fiction can be realer than life plays a part. Can you imagine all of those things that happen that was not recorded down in history? In those imagination, a bit of their life are shown. We fill in the gaps that was not recorded.

To miss something is to remember. It's a way for our brain to make sure we treasure and remember it. I forevermore will miss that pretty moon on that night 😔. Forever missing and treasuring it. Even if the actual information details are lost, the essence remains. Our brain constantly reshape our memories every time we recall it, slowly chipping away from reality. Haha you see fiction is realer than reality because all of your memories are misconstrued ☝️🤓. We tell ourselves those stories. All memories are fictional.

Recently, a friend of mine asked me to talk about time and what it means to me. I have this big realization how much I hate time. I wish time would just stop for a moment. I'm out of breath, trying to catch up behind it. I've been so keenly aware of how time is slipping away. It's a wave carrying me and I'm literally drowning. I don't know how to swim 😭 help.

To miss is to remember. To love is to also lose. I've been thinking about why people (as in me 😞) have intimacy issues. And I think this is like the biggest reason. Do you know how much I hate losing? I hate to lose the game. And I hate to lose people. As everything is temporary, the love of your life will become the most painful part of your life. I guess that's a bit pessimistic. However, the concept is in theme. This two side of the same coin. Celebrating and grieving are the same, both acknowledging the brief present moment that we have. In love, you have to accept losing everything. And I don't think I'm ready for that. I cling to a permanence that's not there since I was a kid.

But hey, I think I'm getting better? And I hope that you find a way to process this fact too. You can't cut out sadness or anger. Your emotions are all in one (two side of the same coin). If you try to cut out sadness, you're cutting out joy. What's left is a numbness as you have effectively detach your emotions. And for a long time, I think the life was sucked out of me. And I became disregulated and blind on how to navigate relationships. I used to tell people that my heart has rotted away. That what you see of me is a corpse of what I used to be. The world is cold enough to give me frost bite. To the point that my nerves started to die and the outer skin turned black. Constant callous made the muscle stiff and my heart had stop working. Of course with constant traumatic injury, any heart would be scarred. but I think I'm starting to feel again. The blood is pumping back into my body. And of course, for my few first time, I'm experiencing grief again. It's a good sign because that means i really enjoy those events and things. That means I did experience joy. A moment where I feel alive. A moment where I live. I'm breaking all the rules that I have for myself. It's so hard but I'm finding so many things about people.

Anyways, I got two quotes about love that I totally fuck with. Alright, have a great night.

[nsk96]

These days while I think about my childhood and adolescence, I'm starting to realize that my parents are the reason for most of my insecurities...but mostly my mom. She's made me feel so insecure about every flaw on my body ever since I was a kid and even now likes to point them out and say "we need to work on that" (which usually means me instead of "we" even though I hardly have the time to invest in my appearance the way she wants me to), "or we need to fix that."

And the worst part is that I'm finding out that many of the body flaws I have are more common than I thought and some of these things are even expected.

Probably TMI so feel free to skip this paragraph: just tonight, I saw my mom spreading a Collagen + Hyaluronic acid cream all over her, female bits and the inner leg areas and crevices. She started saying that she's really dark down there and that she hopes the cream will lighten it up. Then she said, "I know you're dark there too. Have you been working on that? That could be why Dr. _____ scrounged up her face when she had to examine you that day."

Thanks mom, I had felt insecure the first time you brought it up years ago and just recently, I had finally got over that after learning that it's normal for that area to be darker than the rest of your body. Now after your comment, I'm feeling insecure about it again. Then I try to tell her what I had learned about it being normal to be dark down there and that you can get darker with age (especially as a brown woman). She says, "It may be normal doesn't mean you have to accept it--" blah blah. The p*rn industry has really ruined people's perspective about their own bodies. Like, sorry mom, but I don't think rubbing bleaching cream down there is gonna help? And that's probably not even safe.

Some other things (not all) my mom has told me:

Your shoulders are really broad. That's not normal for a girl. It's those pushups you're doing, you're not supposed to be doing that type of exercise, you'll look like a guy

You should be wearing makeup everyday (when I got to college even though I was not allowed to wear makeup until then, despite expressing a deep interest for it in middle school and high school)

We need to fix your back acne. No man will want to touch you (proceeded to invade my privacy in the shower to scrub my back [really hard to the point my skin was sore]. She'll say that I agreed with her because I'm the one that had to call her over when ready, but what other choice did I have? To disobey meant getting yelled at or beaten. Guess what...I still get the acne but not as much now that I'm older. My arms still get it really bad but that's because that's specifically a build-up of skin that occurs from scrubbing my skin too hard...thanks mom👁👄👁)

You need to trim your ____(female bits) to stay clean

We need to do something about your stretch marks

*Points at the pigmentation issue on my arms* Your upper arms are still two-tone. I gave you a cream for that (multiple times throughout my life so far and FYI, the bleaching cream doesn't work much. I've had better luck fading it with Shea butter)

When I was 8: we need to pluck your eyebrows, they're so bushy

When I was 12: Your breasts are getting bigger, are you sexually active? (I said no, but that didn't stop her from forcing me to take a pregnancy test)

You need to wear a bra around the house because your father is in the house you can't just let them hang out like that (even though I get breast pain and my breasts start to sag a whole lot more after wearing bras for extended periods of time)

You need to start wearing skirts and dresses (and also said "wearing pants all the time is why you're dark down there" even though I told her that wearing skirts and dresses was making me darker than pants because I have thicc thighs with no gap. Like imagine how much my skin is sticking and rubbing against each other every time I walk...All that body heat and sweat-> darkening of skin)

You need to get on that treadmill. You need to exercise (not a day goes by where she doesn't mention this, despite knowing I don't have the time for it...and that is mostly because the time frame that I can use the treadmill is only the really early morning period (I have class at this time). That's because it's in the garage...where mid-morning gets really hot and by afternoon, it usually gets around 32°C (90F) and can get higher than 38°C (100F) on some days. And that's without any breeze or airflow, and the garage is full of dust and dirt that clogs my nose to the point I can't breathe, so forget using a fan. Before we moved to this house, my mom promised me that we'd go out to run everyday and that I can join a gym close-by which was in between my drive to school. She convinced me to give up the weight-lifting equipment I was using (for a year) before we moved. The move was about moving to a safer neighborhood, so I was easily onboard. I had gotten so healthy and strong before then. And now it's like all the promises were broken and I'm stuck in pharmacy school with little to no time to exercise while my health deteriorates. I do miss it, I miss feeling super strong. And every time she nags me to exercise, it feels like a slap in the face. I wanted to go to my school's gym but the walk from the parking lot to the gym seems to be pretty long, and as the drive home is already long, I can't risk it. I'm already academically drowning, I can't take much time away from my study time especially now that I have clinical rotation. I've literally been trying to do squats in the pharmacy but can't do much because I gotta focus on my work. And now my knees are hurting from standing for a long time, and they seem to give out every time I stand up after sitting. I don't know what's going on with them. Is it a tendon injury? Strain? A sprain? Random Inflammation? A DVT in both legs?)

Why can't she just let me feel comfortable in my own skin for once? Why is she so insistent on making me into a copy of her? She even has me dressing like her most of the time (minus the dresses/skirts). I don't think I ever dressed my age from the moment I became a teen. Which probably explains why so many older men were checking me out back then (besides the usual creeps)

I'll try to see my school's counselor/therapist and show this to them. I know I wouldn't know where to start had I not written this.

[junicai]

who taught you that?

| order no. | 4/21

| summary | Aria's Korean has improved greatly since stepping off the plane to Korea. But sometimes, the lingo still trips her up - in interesting ways.

| word count | 2.3k

| warnings | Sexual innuendos

| era | circa. January 2017

The cushions had been collected from throughout the dorm; blankets pulled from beds and from the top shelves of wardrobes to amass a large pile in the centre of the living room. The members stood around in varying degrees of formal clothing;

Some still in their clothes that they had worn for the promotion earlier on in the day, and others having stripped and changed into leggings and old shorts and faded t-shirts as soon as they had stepped foot into their home.

Aria had waited for the others to use the bathroom before she had slid in quietly afterwards, knowing that she took the longest in the shower and not wanting to use a large amount of the hot water.

Sure, the spray of water ran a little icy towards the end, but she'd read that it was good for your pores to turn the shower head cold at the end of a haircare routine anyway, so she wasn't complaining.

She'd shuffled her way out of the bathroom and into her room, where she immediately fluffed out the excess water still in her hair, leaving it damp and loose to dry on her shoulders, prior to tugging on a stolen sweatshirt and a pair of cotton shorts that had been retired to sleep status months ago.

The hoodie was warm, and Aria tugged it around her neck to fight the chill of her damp hair, shuffling out into the living room with a blanket fisted in her hand and a pillow tucked underneath her other arm.

"Do you want to just toss that onto the couch, there, and go dry your hair?" Doyoung paced over to Aria, hands taking the bedding from hers already.

"Oh, no, it's okay." Aria shook her head, moving to help him flatten out her blanket onto the carpet. They were building a blanket fort, of a kind.

The movie night had been Taeyong's idea - a bonding experience he said. Donghyuck had jumped at the idea of constructing a fortress of soft and fluffy bedding, and well. No one was going to turn him down.

"You'll catch a chill, go dry your hair." Doyoung reprimanded, gently but firmly tugging the edge of the blanket from her grip.

"My hair dryer is broken," Aria winced.

"Well why didn't you just say that?" He looked up at her briefly, shooing her towards his own room. "Go, you can use mine. I think Jaehyun's in there, maybe he can help."

Aria nodded, mollified, and made her way into Doyoung's room. She passed Taeil in the hallway, who patted her back lightly in greeting. The doorway was cracked open, so she knocked once before tentatively pushing it open.

There, as Doyoung had predicted, was Jaehyun, sitting on his bed and scrolling through something on his phone. He looked up when Aria knocked, and smiled, locking his phone and dropping it into his lap.

"Hey, Akari. What's up?" He asked.

"Uh," Aria wrung her hands in front of her. "Do you know where Doyoung oppa's hairdryer is? He told me I could use it because mine is broken," She trailed off.

"Yeah! Sure, give me a moment." Jaehyun pushed himself off the bed, crouching down in front of the storage unit beside Doyoung's bed and pulling open the bottom drawer. There, beneath several half empty bottles of varying brands of hair conditioner and toning shampoo was the hairdryer, which he pulled out with a flourish.

"There we go. Do you need help or?"

Aria shook her head. "Oh no, it's alright. I'll be out quickly, you can go join them in the living room."

"Yeah, no problem. Don't take too long though, or else I think Donghyuck will pick the movie again, and last time," Jaehyun grimaced. "That didn't end very well."

Aria could remember. Last time, Donghyuck had insisted on watching a new horror film that had recently come out in the cinemas; one that Aria never actually ended up watching in favor of burying her head in Yuta's shoulder, his hands covering her ears as the characters on the screen screamed blue murder.

Hilariously though, Donghyuck hadn't fared much better, despite the movie being his own choice, and the two maknaes ended up sharing a bed for the following three days - unable to sleep alone.

Aria agreed, and as soon as Jaehyun had left the bedroom she plugged in the hairdryer and began running her fingers through her hair to detangle any knots.

She pulled the device away from her head when the air grew too hot for her to handle, and spent a couple seconds trying to figure out how to turn down the heat. After giving up on the endeavor though, Aria just decided to get through it as quickly as possible.

She blew out every strand until it was only slightly damp and no longer dripping with water, and tugged her hair into two plaits on either side of her head.

The hairdryer was pushed back into the bottom drawer of the storage unit, and Aria closed the door into Doyoung's bedroom behind her as she left the room.

Entering back into the kitchen, she realized that Mark, Sicheng and Jaehyun had already claimed their spots on the floor and singular armchair respectively.

Looking over, Taeyong and Doyoung were leaning against the counter with Taeil; Donghyuck emerging from behind the wall to join them.

Aria padded over to the second group, wanting to grab a glass of water prior to settling down for the movie and becoming reluctant to move less she lose her comfortable position.

As she made her way across into the kitchen, she caught the tail end of Donghyuck's whining tirade, his hands clutching onto the back of Doyoung's sweatshirt.

"But hyung, I'm hungry." He pouted, pulling on the material.

"It's late, Hyuck, you'll feel sick if you eat this late."

Donghyuck's pout deepened. "But not if I eat something that isn't sugary."

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"Please!"

Doyoung sighed a long suffering sigh. "Fine."

Donghyuck cheered, squeezing Doyoung in a hug in thanks. "Thank you thank you!"

Doyoung grumbled something about raising him wrong with no manners at all, placated by Taeil's hand rubbing soothing circles on his shoulder.

Taeyong just turned away, hiding his grin into the glass of water he was sipping.

"Hm," Donghyuck pondered, fingers tapping his chin. "What to eat, what to find."

Aria's head popped into the conversation. "Do you want to eat ramen?"

Taeyong choked on his water.

"What!" Donghyuck whipped around, hand landing on his chest.

Aria stumbled back slightly, eyes wide and bewildered. "R-ramen? Ramen noodles? Do you, want to, eat them?" She turned to Taeil. "Am I saying that right?"

"Saying what right?"

"Do you want to eat ramen?" Aria sounded out each syllable carefully, thinking it was an issue with her pronunciation. She was still learning Korean - it has improved greatly, but there were still issues that arose occasionally.

"Don't say it again!"

"What? What am I saying!" Aria spun, looking at the four men who were staring back at her with wide eyes.

Taeyong cleared his throat, having recovered from his coughing fit. "It's just, uh, it's nothing."

Aria's face fell. "I thought my Korean was getting better though.."

Doyoung floundered slightly. "It is! Oh it's a million times better; it's not that, Aria. It's not that at all, it's just that - that - hyung, you explain."

Taeyong fixed Doyoung with an affronted look, "You explain!"

"I'll explain," Taeil held out placating hands. "You're scaring her."

It was true. Aria's head was whipping back and forth between the two, the confused crease between her eyebrows only growing deeper and deeper.

"Aria, the phrase that you used, is, generally used in such a context that would mean you'd like to take the other person home - for the night." Taeil slowly explained.

Aria nodded in tandem. "Like a sleepover?"

Donghyuck smacked his hand to his face, dragging it down. "You asked me if I wanted to sleep with you."

Aria's shriek brought yells from the other boys.

"What!"

"What is it!"

"Who's dead!"

The three boys in the living room received no response other than a red faced Aria bursting in, immediately burrowing herself beneath a mountain of blankets and a cackling Donghyuck following her.

"What's happened?" Mark questioned, wide eyed.

Doyoung entered, trailing a hand down his face with his eyes closed. "Nothing, Mark. Nothing at all."

Mark looked over at the mound of blankets that was currently Aria. "Uh, okay?"

As the conversation faded into background noise, Jaehyun shuffled over to Aria's blanketed form.

"Ari? Are you okay?"

"Fine!" She squeaked.

"Are you sure?"

Aria's head popped out from a gap in the blankets. Her cheeks were still flushed a bright red. "Mhm! Totally fine!"

Jaehyun regarded her suspiciously, looking her up and down. Aria's eyes begged him to drop it, pleading with him not here, not here please, don't bring it up here, and he conceded.

Sitting back onto the couch, he pushed himself into the arm slightly, making room for an extra person to sit beside him without saying a word, and Aria gratefully slid out from her blanket hideout and into his arms.

Jaehyun pulled one of the blankets from the floor up over the both of them as they shuffled about for a moment, finding a comfortable position.

Taeil, who had settled onto a mattress of sorts that had been constructed on the floor with Taeyong and Doyoung resting comfortably on either side, took a look around the room.

"Is everyone ready? Drinks, snacks?" He questioned, knowing the uproar that would occur should someone get up in the middle of the film.

After receiving the general consensus of yeses, he clicked onto the movie, and pressed play.

The opening scene of Train to Busan lit up the television screen, and Aria promptly pulled the blanket back up over her head. She could feel Jaehyun chuckle beside her, and a strong arm encircled her waist to pull her against him tighter.

Aria stayed that way throughout the entirety of the film. Midway through, Yuta's hand found it's way onto her knee, rubbing soothing circles into the skin and Aria's own hand slipped out from underneath the blanket to clasp his hand in her own.

For once, she was glad that Korean wasn't her native language, because it meant that when Yuta began speaking to her in soft, gentle tones, the Japanese drowned out the Korean and made it easier for her to pretend that there wasn't a zombie apocalypse happening on the screen right in front of her.

It felt like an eternity, with Jaehyun's arms tightening around her to warn her of a loud noise before it happened, and Yuta's soft murmurs trying to comfort her.

Eventually, the movie clicked off with a light snick and the living room was plunged into darkness. With the television no longer illuminating the room, the only light source came from the moonlight peeking through the gaps in the blinds; and slowly, the members began to stir.

Sicheng and Yuta stood up, the latter patting Aria's leg once, brushing dust from their legs and bending to snag the pillows they were lying against up to their chests.

Mark slowly rose from the floor, arms raising above his head and he rolled his neck with a crack that reverberated around the room.

Gradually, all the members bar two bid a goodnight and sleepily shuffled their way back to their own beds, bar Donghyuck, who followed Mark into his bed.

The movie might not have been his choice this evening, but that didn't change the fact that he was too prideful for his own good; and that meant watching the film in its entirety, even if it sacrificed two days of restful sleep.

Honestly, she fully expected to find Donghyuck in her own bed tomorrow, or be dragged into his.

Aria, still encircled in Jaehyun's arms, was reluctant to move. Here, she was warm, and comfortable, and her bed was most definitely cold, and she'd have to move around all her bedding to find a comfortable position.

Dithering over her options, she was taken by surprise when Jaehyun tightened his grip on her waist slightly, rolling over to position her more comfortably and safely away from the edge of the couch.

"Jae?" Aria whispered when he didn't let go. "Shouldn't we go to bed? It's pretty late."

"M'no." He mumbled. "I'm tired, let's just sleep here."

"Oh," Aria thought about it for a moment. Was this what her manager meant when she said that Aria would bond with the boys eventually?

"Yeah, yeah okay. Let's sleep here."

Aria ran a hand over Jaehyun's hair once, before snuggling back down into his warm embrace.

[heresathreebee]

Old Stomping Ground

[Ava Starr X Female Reader]

Summary: One of the good things to come out of constant alien invasions are the abandoned ruins of New York, and you’re fixing to show Ava your favorite place. Previous Masterlist Next

Tag(s): 13+ | can be reader gender and race neutral reader but is written with woc readers in mind, no-snap au, post-Ant Man and the Wasp, Ava and reader on an adventure in post Avenger's New York, homelessness, alien trees and the power of community.

AN: no-snap au, post-Ant Man and the Wasp. No beta, we die like men. Just you and Ava having a short adventure.

You took three days off of work for this one. Packed two backpacks with food, water, clothes, and other supplies. Bedrolls and bug spray and hiking poles. Ava laughed at your enthusiasm but she seemed to vibrate with excitement right along with you. 

"Can you at least tell me where we're going," she pleaded. 

You ran through the end of the checklist for the third time, trying to be extra careful now that you wouldn't be hoofing it solo. You dodged the question expertly with a "it's not far and it's not dangerous so hush! Learn to enjoy the mystery, babe." 

Ava rolled her eyes playfully but stopped asking and let you finish. After that you ate a hearty breakfast and began your journey north by northwest. In the taxi, your girlfriend's eyes darted from building to building as you turned on every street and you mentally gave up on scolding her. She was too pragmatic to allow for that level of trust yet. 

You were surprised that it took her until you passed the ruins of the daycare you once attended that she whipped her head around to whisper, "is this… Leviathan alley?" 

You shush her but can't keep the excited grin from your face. "It's a bit more than just an alley." 

Once SHIELD was finished stripping for parts and gutting the cybernetically enhanced alien creature left behind in the Battle of New York, the rest was abandoned. The city's been planning to clean up and rebuild but there are scores in the earth where the leviathan crashed and crumbling, precarious buildings that need to be brought down first in the safest way possible. While the city’s been debating how to deal with the destruction, the poor and destitute had moved in and discovered the blood of the chitauri has some very interesting properties. 

"It's like it changes the property of concrete," you explained, climbing over rubble and reaching back to pull her up, "uhg– breaks it down into some kind of hyper fertilizer. There's this copse of trees growing where we think the stomach was and I think in its natural habitat, the creature was probably an omnivore of sorts and may have swallowed thousands of seeds–" 

"That's all very fascinating dear, could you please take this?" Ava shoves a canteen into your hands and cups your hands to bring it closer to your mouth. You've climbed for what feels like miles and hey, you are pretty parched. "Think we'd better rest and eat, maybe look for a safe place to set up camp and… oh, look over there!" 

Ava's sudden whisper makes you turn. It's green in that direction, though this 'alley' is shrouded in darkness due to the dome made from the spine and ribs of the leviathan, the sprigs seem to grow just fine, becoming taller as they moved farther away from you until they began to develop woody stalks and trunks. 

"That's the forest you were talking about," Ava whispered in awe. “I wanna get a closer look.” 

You gently caught her arm. “Camp first, eat. It’ll still be here tomorrow.” 

~ 

Ava didn’t expect you to take her into an encampment. There were two dozen people in tents, an open grill going and laughter. They seemed to recognize you. It was mostly older adults, a few elderly people wrapped in thick blankets and teens walking around asking anyone needed drinks. You grabbed the blanket from your pack and wrapped Ava in it as soon as she found a seat on a slab of concrete. 

"Comfy?" 

Ava smiled up at you, taking the proffered fruit slice from you. "Very." 

She examined the strange fruit. It had a thin violet skin with a spongy white inner layer and pink juice with black seeds  dripping from it. She leabed over your shoulder get a look at the fruit as a whole, and it seemed the pink goop was loose inside the fruit similar to a coconut. 

"Are these from the trees," she asked. 

"Yeah, they're edible don't worry. No side effects we've seen," you assure. 

Ava nods but as she's licking the tangy pink juice you continue, "well except for Nadia but she's a mutant." 

Ava flicks worried green eyes at you and slowly takes the fruit from her mouth. She's already swallowed on reflex so there's no turning back now, only managing whatever weird things would come next. 

"Uh… what do you mean by that?" 

You blink at Ava. "Oh it's not, like, bad or anything. Right, Nadia?" 

A dark skinned girl in an orange beanie looked up from her phone. "What?" 

"Tauri makes you, what, gassy?" 

The man on the grill threw his head back in a laugh and Nadia kicked a rock at you. "Ha hah, you're everybody's favorite clown in the circus. It doesn't make me gassy, you jerk, it makes me smell like roses actually." 

"Oh," Ava said, "that's all?" 

You and Nadia shared a knowing look. "It's strong. Not overpowering but strong like you've got your nose buried in a whole bouquet of them." 

"And your fingers tingle and you make sparkles– " 

"Nadia I think that's just you, baby!" 

People laughed and the conversation died down. Ava let the slip of tauri fruit linger in her grasp until you gently pried it out and ate it yourself. You were side eyeing her but kept your question to yourself and eventually Ava was able to relax. She fell asleep during Nadia's uncle Rodney's story with her head on your shoulder and dreamed of violet things. Violet dresses, violet paint, violet fires, and violet sprigs. 

All you could dream of was the smell of roses so close and so thick you could touch it. 

~

The walk through the natural path as the trees got thicker finally prompted Ava to ask the question that's been plaguing her. "How do you know them? Are they family?" 

You cast a quick glance over your shoulder and slowed your pace to match hers as your fingers tapped the straps of your backpack nervously. "Sort of. They were family when I had no home to go to. Then I got a job with enough money and a stupid good deal on my apartment because I had no priors. 

"Rodney and Jules and some of the others prefer it out here with the forest. Some of them have nowhere else to go or no way to take care of themselves. Nadia's been kicked out of every home she's ever been to, but she won't go to that gifted school for mutants in Westchester county. Can't say I blame her either." 

"School for mutants, eh," Ava said as she trudged on, "interesting." 

You walked along in silence, drinking in the inviting quiet of the forest and the tiny chirps and peeps of its new inhabitants. You'd almost say it would be a shame to tear this place down knowing it's a new natural habitat, but you know New York had a hundred bigger and more pressing issues to deal with right now. As long as any capitalist moguls kept their eyes elsewhere, the new jungle should be fine. 

As the forest becomes denser, you have to pull a rechargeable flashlight out to see the ground beneath you. Black bugs crawl under and over the brush and fallen twigs, and something no bigger than a cat scuttles away out of the path of the light. Ava puts a hand on your arm and you open your mouth to assure her you'd protect her, but as you look at her you realize she's ready to protect you. Arm poised out and eyes darting around for signs of sudden movement from the brush. 

You walk in silence for what feels like an fantastic eternity but when you look at the canopy you stop yourself. Ava looks up to, gently taking a hold of your hand to keep you close and it sends tingles up your arm. She rarely reaches for you but she seems to be growing more and more confident of it. 

Light dances beyond the thicket of the leaves. Green and gold flashes as a soft breeze creates gaps beyond the chitauri rib ceiling and every time a light flashes you feel warmth on your skin like soft little kisses. 

Something wooden creaks, and that creaking quickly turns to snapping. You unconsciously squeeze Ava's fingers as you spot a black tree trunk beginning to fall towards you. Suddenly, Ava's arms are around you and she pulls you down into a duck. 

Everything happens so fast it blinds you. You can't see, can only feel as shivers of warmth and cold jitter through your entire being, drowning you into sensations you've never felt before. It makes you feel fear more than anything. Is this how you die? Cowering? 

When the sounds of falling trees stop, there is only the wind and the rush of Ava's windbreaker against yours. You test your fingers to see if they still work and dig them into her back. Nothing broken, you're still standing if gravity is correct. 

She finally lets you lift your head from her embrace and survey the scene. That tree opened a spot in the canopy for more natural light to pour in which is good because your flashlight was lost among the thick bramble bushes. 

Ava brushes your forehead. "Are you OK?" 

It must be a trick of the light but she looks like she's shimmering. Perhaps you hit your head or something but it seems like you never fell. Your standing just beside the fallen tree but you could have sworn you'd almost felt it go through you. And then…

And then there was the smell of roses. 

"I'm fine," you say at last. "Let's get back, probably shouldn't have come here by ourselves anyways…" 

Ava gives you a look, it almost looks like trepidation. You steel your resolve and press on to retrace your steps, knowing you had a lot of walking to do before you would exit the treeline. 

Ava has powers and you're ok with that. You'll just let her tell you in her own time. 

[imaginedxlan]

Drivers License (Ron Weasley)

a/n: have y’all HEARD drivers license by olivia rodrigo? sis DRAGGED joshua bassett, as she should have. Any who, I did this type of song based imagine with New Years Day by Taylor Swift and its still one of my absolute favorites I’ve ever written, so here we go

Y/N has cared for her best friend, Ginny Weasley’s, older brother Ron for as long as she can remember, but every time it he shows any sort of affection back, its not long before he moves onto the next girl. 

warning(s): I don’t think any, please let me know if I missed any

Part 2

_____________________

I got my driver’s license last week Just like we always talked about 'Cause you were so excited for me To finally drive up to your house

Being muggle born, you always knew one day you would eventually have to get your license. Without the ability to use magic outside of school, driving a car was the second best way to get around. Last week, on the exact day of your sixteenth birthday, you finally passed your drivers test. You were ecstatic, you had been talking about finally being able to drive a car with all your friends, both muggle and magic, for years now, especially with the Weasleys. 

You and Ginny had become friends during second year, both being in Gryffindor and all, but it wasn’t until fourth year that you realized how unlucky you were to have a best friend with such handsome brothers. Bill, Charlie and the Twins were far too old for you, so was Percy but your issue with him wasn’t so much age, rather how much of a priss he was. Ron was like god in your eyes. Only a year older than you and Ginny, but somehow he seemed to much more mature.

To be clear, you never used your relationship with Ginny to become close with him, he was more and added bonus to being friends with a girl like Gin. When Ginny and Harry became closer, it only made sense for you to spend more time with Ron, now that both of your best friends were occupied. He loved to listen about your life as a muggle, he heard a lot from Hermione, but your stories were just as interesting. When he found out you were to get your license this Summer, he wouldn’t stop talking about how you could just drive to The Burrow and visit them for days on end. It made you happy when he would seem so excited to spend time with you. 

“Ron you do realize this is no more exciting than when my parents would drive me to your house.” You laugh at his planning for all that you’ll be able to do now that you have your license. You were in the common room just after dinner, trying to distract him from the fact that his sister and Harry had just snuck off to the astronomy tower. He hadn’t asked about either of them just yet.

“I know, I know. But you’ll be able to come whenever you want now, no one has to drive you to us, it’s all you.” He laughed with you, but slowly began to stop, looking almost out of breath. His eyes kept switching between your eyes and your lips, which made your heart catch in your throat. “Bloody hell, when did you get so gorgeous.”

This made your cheeks heat up, the thought of Ronald Weasley thinking his kid sister’s friend is anything other than just that. You don’t respond, feeling as though all the words you could’ve said were stolen from your vocabulary. His right hand reached out to grab your cheek, his thumb moving across the soft skin that was turning more and more pink by the second. You couldn’t help yourself from turning your eyes toward his lips, his tongue running across his bottom one.

“Ron,” You finally croak out, the only thing you could manage to say in your flustered state.

He doesn’t respond, only ducks his head down until you’re just centimeters from each other. You can feel his breath, hot against your skin. You couldn’t take it anymore, closing the gap between your lips. The first time you ever kissed Ron Weasley. Your heart was doing gymnastics as your brain was trying to comprehend what in the hell was happening. His lips were soft compared to his calloused hands. You had kissed other boys, plenty actually, but this wasn’t like any of the other kisses you’d ever had.

He pulls away from you, steadying his breath. He presses his forehead to your, staying like that for a while. “After you get your license you can come ‘round my house and we can do that for a minute before anyone even knows you’re there.”

And you're probably with that blonde girl Who always made me doubt She's so much older than me She's everything I'm insecure about

It wasn’t long after your kiss that Lavender Brown came into the picture. In the back of your head, you hoped that after what had ensued in the common room, he wouldn’t give the girl a second look.  She’s beautiful, curly blonde hair, blue eyes, and more confident than you could ever dream of being. She started by complimenting Ron in the great hall, he didn’t think much of it until he realized just how much Lavender fawning over him boosted his ego.

The worst part is that she was his age. There was no chance of him thinking of her as just a child, just his sister’s friend. She was everything you wanted to be and more. It’s not that you didn’t think of him the way she did, you just didn’t have the nerve to say it to him. After you kissed in the common room, and in his room, and in your room, and in the random broom closet on your way back from class one day, you found yourself even more nervous around the ginger than before. You still felt the exact same way you did you years. 

After Gryffindors win over Slytherin, all thanks to Weasley, the Gryffindor common room was absolutely buzzing. Screams and shouts about how Ron Weasley saved the day, chanting his name over and over. You and Ginny just watched from the side, letting him bask in his own glory before you went to say anything to him. 

“You really like him don’t you?” Ginny asks, pulling you from your gaze. You looked at him with the biggest smile on your face, clapping along to all the chants. “And don’t lie to me, I know a face of a girl in love with one of my brothers when I see one.”

You could feel your cheeks turn red when she caught you, but still smiled as you couldn’t help yourself. “I guess I do. He’s different, you know? Never felt this way about anyone.”

Ginny just rolled her eyes, but you knew she was happy for you. She secretly had always wished you’d end up with one of her brothers so you could be sisters one day. Just as you’re about to make your way over to congratulate the boy, Lavender Brown, with all her confidence, pulls him down my his arm and plants her lips on his. You freeze in your place, heart dropping to your toes, hoping to every god there is that he doesn’t kiss her back. But he does. Just feet from where he first kissed you only months ago, he wrapped his arms around the blonde girl and you feel your chest burn. Ginny grabs your hand, forcing you to look away from the sight in front of you, and drags you down to your dorm. She doesn’t say anything, doesn’t make excuses for her brother, just strokes your hair as you stare at the wall in front of you. You don’t cry, you can’t bring yourself to do it. The beautiful things he would say to you over the past few months about how he felt when he held you or what you would do together when you could finally drive to the Burrow. The things that made you fall head over heels in love with him, all of it felt like a lie now. Because now he’s kissing that blonde girl in the place he kissed you for the first time as if you had been erased from his mind. 

But today I drove through the suburbs Crying 'cause you weren't around

Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs 'Cause how could I ever love someone else?

You couldn’t avoid the Burrow forever, Ginny is still your best friend after all. She had sent countless letters in the weeks leading up to your birthday, begging you to come and see her so you could drive around like a bunch of muggle teenagers.

Your heart couldn’t quite take the idea of driving up to that house, the one where he lived, the one that he gushed about you driving to and kissing in the back seat of your car, but that didn’t matter. You thought forcing yourself to face what you didn’t want to see was the only way you could heal. 

He isn’t with Lavender anymore, you half expected after their breakup that he would come to you and apologize, tell you he meant all the things he said to you and that he never meant to be with her. But he moved on quicker than you expected, and not to you. To Hermione. That hurt worse that seeing him kiss Lavender. Even when he was with Lavender, you would catch him in the common room and he would smile at you, touch your leg and say things that made your heart burst.

“I still think about that night, you know? In here.”

It felt wrong for him to be saying those things to you, especially while he was spoken for, but you never stopped him. It wasn’t until he fell ill after being poisoned that you realized he never loved Lavender. You, Ginny, and Hermione sat by his bed while he was unconscious. When Lavender came in carrying on about her ���Won-Won,’ he began whispering Hermione’s name in his sleep, and you knew it wasn’t Lavender you had to compete with, it was Hermione Granger. 

Ginny grabbed your hand like she did at the Gryffindor party and led you out of the hospital wing where you spent hours next to him, just for him to say her name. You cried this time, knowing now you weren’t his second choice either. 

Now here you are, driving up to the Burrow with tears in your eyes because all you could associate with this place was how your heart would beat out of control when Ron would speak about you visiting him. You couldn’t bring yourself to hate him though, how could you? You spent years caring for him before he showed you even the slightest bit of affection, you were used to being disappointed by Ronald Weasley, it never made you love him any less. He stopped saying the types of things he used to now that he was with Hermione, perhaps you were just a place holder for her. He didn’t ignore you, which was actually worse, you wish he would just pretend you didn’t exist. Instead, he pretended like you never meant anything more to him than being just his sister’s mate, like you never kissed him, like he never told you how much you meant to him.

The house buzzes with energy and you fix yourself before getting out of the car. The twins are batting in the yard while Molly yells for them from the kitchen. You’ve always loved the Burrow, how much noise there is compared to your house, but today you dread walking in.

“Y/n!” Molly greets you, patting her hands against her skirt before pulling you in for a hug. “How I’ve missed you sweet girl. Come, come! I have a little something for you, I know its a week late but I couldn’t let your birthday pass with nothing!”

She pulls you into the living room where a tiny wrapped box lies next to the couch, next to Ginny, Ron and Hermione. Ginny smiles as soon as she sees you, jumping up to pull you into a tight hug. Ron and Hermione don’t get up, just say hello from their spots on the couch before going back to whatever they’re talking about. Your heart aches.

Mrs. Weasley hands you the small back, urging you to open it. Inside is a necklace with a small red gem and a lion pendant. You gasp at its beauty and its thoughtfulness. “Oh Mrs. Weasley! You shouldn’t have!”

“Merlin, y/n, how many times must I tell you to call me Molly!” She scolds you with a laugh. “It’s nothing, really dear. You’ve meant so much to this family for so long, it would be like not giving a birthday gift to my own child.”

You smile for a moment before remembering that Ron had forgotten your birthday. You got letters from Ginny, other friends from school, even the twins and Harry had sent you a short message, but not Ron. “Oi, is it your birthday?”

“Last week.” You correct the boy, not wanting to speak with him any further. 

“Ah, sorry mate, I forgot.” He says nonchalantly. “You got your license, right? You get a car too?”

You simply nod and look toward Ginny for help, she immediately intervenes by saying, “Well, y/n promised she’d take me for a ride. Want to feel like a muggle teenager for once. See you all later.”

“Be safe you two!” Molly yells after you as you make your way to your brand new car. The twins shout about you ‘sweet wheels’ before you take off with Ginny.

“I’m sorry about him, y/n.” She apologizes for her brother as you pull further from the house. “He’s a real git sometimes.”

“S’alright Gin, I’m here to see you anyway.” You assure her, trying to hide that your heart breaks every time you see her brother. “Now where to?”

I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone 'Cause you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

You truly thought he felt the same way you did about him. How could you not? The night after you kissed Ron Weasley for the first time, you found that you couldn’t escape him, not that you wanted to. You would see him in the great hall, in the common rooms, in the hallways, he was everywhere and gave you butterflies every time he looked your way. 

He would pull you away from your friends to sneak a kiss in a broom closet or in his dorm, making you feel like you were in a movie. He said the most lovely things to you, telling you he wished he had fallen for you sooner, but he would never be so open around his friends. Around Hermione. You never minded, as long as you had him in some shape or form.You usually had higher standards when it came to liking a boy, but you’d never felt the way you felt about Ron with anyone you’d ever liked. 

“I love the way your hair gets messy throughout the day,” He whispers to you after you had finished snogging in his dorm. “How do you look so beautiful, always.”

“I think you made it this messy you idiot,” You push his shoulder, trying to hide your blushing cheeks. “Now I have to fix it.”

“No, don’t!” He stops you, grabbing your hand, interlacing his fingers with yours. “Lay with me for a minute. I want to hold you for a while.”

Your heart was beating out of his chest for him and only him. As his arms snaked around your body, lips pressing to the skin of your neck, you never felt more content. “I feel at home when I’m holding you like this.”

When he said those things to you, how could imagine him ever moving onto someone else so soon. How could he say those things to you and so quickly be okay with losing you like that. You couldn’t wrap your head around how he told you that you felt like home just before kissing Lavender Brown right in front of you, then completely erased you from his past to date Hermione Granger. 

Whats worse is whenever you go to the Burrow, you can always hear Ron playing his guitar, even from Ginny’s room. You think he does it on purpose, just hoping you’ll cry yourself to sleep or something. It brings back memories of the nights you spent in the boys dorm, drunk off fire whiskey, as he sang made up songs to you as he strummed along with his guitar.

“I want to hold you close forever, ‘cause you’re the kind of girl I’ve only dreamt of. And my heart burns when we’re together, can’t help but smile with you my darling love.”

He sang, very poorly, but still sang. Your heart skipped a beat when he sang those words. “Ronald Weasley! Did you just call me your love?”

“Shut up,” He teases, throwing a pillow toward you. “You know I don’t think before I speak when I’m drunk.”

And now he was singing words just like that to Hermione Granger as you sat in Ginny’s room, tears silently spilling down your cheeks. He obviously didn’t mean those words he sang to you not even six months ago, if he did he wouldn’t be singing them to Hermione. You obviously have two different meaning of forever, because hiding your relationship from his friends, only to turn around love two other women, doesn’t sound like your version.

As you drive back up to the Burrow, Ginny in the passenger seat of your car, you can’t help but hurt over the thought that he should be there with you.

[just-my-sickly-pride]

hey could i request a 80s roger x young reader? where he's insecure about his abilities in bed because he's getting old and you're so young and he's scared that you would eventually leave him? it could be smut or just general fluff. thank you!

i’m v v sleepy atm so sorry if this turned out wonky!it’s about 1.6k and I’d give it a T rating, mostly fluff/angst and then a scootch of spice at the end!

     You’d started to notice it a while ago, maybe three weeks. Your partner Roger had been acting… different. He was still just as loving and romantic and affectionate as he always was, as he had been since you’d started dating him two years ago. But ever since - well. Ever since his birthday about three weeks ago, something had changed.

    It wasn’t as if the two of you had slept together all the time. A couple of times a week, nothing extreme by any means. You’d had a very fun night for Roger’s birthday, and then, now, nothing. You’d made out a couple times, and Roger had gotten you off with his hands, with his mouth, quite a few times since his birthday, to be fair, which was all fantastic, but that had been it. When you’d wanted to return the favour, he’d brushed you off, and you hadn’t actually had sex since his birthday. He was too tired, or too busy, or he didn’t feel like it.

    Which was fine, if it were true. You weren’t about to kick up a fuss if it were true.

    But it didn’t exactly fit his track record. Roger loved sex, and he’d never been afraid to show you just how much he loved it, especially how much he loved it with you.

    So, yes, you were worried, more worried that you wanted to admit. You were twenty-four now, and Roger was fourteen years your senior. The age gap had never really been an issue between the two of you - it was mainly that other people had a problem with it, which hadn’t ever bothered either of you - but maybe things were changing. Maybe Roger, since turning thirty-eight, realised he wanted someone older, more mature, who had their life together. Someone who already had an established career, instead of still finding their feet a couple years out of university.

    Or - and you didn’t even want to consider this - maybe Roger wanted someone… younger.

    It repulsed you to your core to think that. You knew that that would never be the case, and it was just your deepest, darkest insecurities coming to the surface, but it was hard to ignore that evil little voice in the back of your mind.

    So maybe it was time to shut it up.

    “Can we talk?” you said.

    Roger looked up from the book he was reading. He looked so comfy and cozy beside you on the couch, a glass of wine in hand and his book in the other. A small crease grew between his brows when he read, and you liked to smooth it out with your thumb from time to time.

    “Of course, love,” he said. “What’s the matter?”

    He said it casually, but the way he immediately closed the book and set it aside, and then took a healthy swig of wine, led you to believe he knew exactly what was coming.

    It didn’t make it any easier to articulate, though.

    You fidgeted with your fingers, forcing yourself to look him in the eye and not avoid his gaze. “It’s about… something between us that’s happened. Or not happened.”

    Roger sighed. “Right.”

    “I don’t want you to feel pressured in any way,” you added. “It’s absolutely fine, it is, but I just… I’m struggling to understand. Why we, y’know, haven’t…” You forced yourself to get the words out as straightforward as you could. “We haven’t had sex since your birthday three weeks ago, babe. I just want to know what’s going on with you. I think part of me is - is scared, and expecting the worst, and I just need you to be open with me, please.”

    Roger sighed again, and rubbed his eyes. “Ah,” he said. “Yes.”

    Your stomach lurched. Wait. This was it, wasn’t it? This was the lead-in to the break up. He was about to break up with you. Oh no, no, no, he’d found someone else, hadn’t he? She was probably eighteen and skinny and so blonde and pretty with big Bambi eyes, and he was about to dump you for her.

    “This is sort of… embarrassing,” Roger said, not meeting your gaze.

    Embarrassing? Embarrassing? “What?” you said.

    “So, um.” Roger squared his shoulders and finally met your eyes, and then his face dropped, and he took your hands. “Oh, love, what’s wrong? You’re white as a sheet.”

    “Are you breaking up with me?” you blurted.

    “What?” Roger said. “No, love, not at all.”

    “You’re not cheating on me?”

    “No!” Roger said. He groaned, and dragged a hand down his face. “Wonderful. Wonderful, I’ve made you feel awful.”

    “Rog, just tell me, please,” you said.

    “I’m old,” Roger said, and the sentence fell out of his mouth like gravel. “I’m old, and you’re so young, and I’m just worried that I… can’t - keep up anymore. That I can’t make you feel good like you want me to. Like you think I can, or should be able to. And after that bloody fantastic night, my birthday - celebration, I was sore the next day, and I was wracking my brains trying to figure out what we’d done that was so extreme that I pulled a muscle, and then I realised that I’m just old.”

    You stared at him, letting your brain process what he’d just said. Of all the things you expected him to say, being self-conscious about his age was not one of them.

    Roger took his hand back from yours, and he picked at the fluff on his tracksuit pants. “That’s why we haven’t slept together since then,” he said, his voice tight. “Because I’m concerned that the next time we do, I’m going to pull another muscle or you’re going to want to do something I can’t do, and then you’ll realise you should be dating someone your own age. And if you don’t realise it now, you’ll realise it soon enough. Maybe in a couple years, but eventually.”

    “No,” you said. You didn’t have to think about it - you just said it, and you meant it, with all your heart. You reached forward and took hold of his hands again. “Rog. Babe. Look at me.”

    He did.

    “I don’t care,” you said. “I really, really don’t care. Because I love you. I couldn’t care less that you’re getting older. I love it.”

    “You don’t have to say that,” Roger said.

    “I don’t,” you agreed. “And you know me - I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. So I mean it. I love you, I love every part of you, I love everything about you. Except when you go through my secret stash of chocolate; that annoys me. And how you complain at the TV when I’m trying to watch.”

    Roger huffed a laugh.

    You shuffled in closer to him, cupping his cheek, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. “I don’t want you to ever think you have to hold back or hide from me,” you said. “Even when you turn fifty, I still very much intend to be there for hot birthday sex, whatever that entails. Even if tomorrow you turned around and said to me that you only wanted to have sex once a month from now on, or once every three months, whatever, I wouldn’t care.”

    “You say that,” Roger said, “but you don’t know. In five years’ time, I’ll be forty-three, and you’ll only be-”

    “I’ll be almost thirty,” you said with a wry smile. “So you’ll get to hear me complaining about how I’m getting old.”

    He didn’t laugh, like you expected him to - he just managed a smile.

    You combed your hands through his hair. “I still want you,” you said. “In every way you’ll have me.”

    Roger’s eyes searched yours, and you could see him thinking, see him battling with himself.

    You drew him in for a kiss. He went to pull away after a second, expecting it only to be brief, but you didn’t let him go. You rose onto your knees and straddled him, and his hands instinctively slid up your thighs.

    God, that felt good. You moaned into his mouth, deepening the kiss, rolling your hips against his, and you felt his muscles slowly start to relax underneath you.

    You ducked your head to kiss and nip at his throat, and he let out a low moan that you felt through his skin. “Let’s go to bed,” you murmured in between kisses. You kissed under his jaw, and then pulled back, meeting his eyes. “Let me make you feel good,” you said. “Help you forget everything that’s whizzing around in that brain of yours.”

    You rocked against him, and you were glad to discover that he was definitely interested. At least, his body was. You were more concerned about whether his mind would pose as a roadblock.

    Roger hesitated.

    “I love you,” you said.

    “I love you too,” he said.

    You smiled. “I love you, and I want you. It’s been three weeks, and I am so desperate by this point that, honestly, I’d be fine if you just lay there and let me do all the work.”

    Roger snorted. “As if.”

    You chuckled. “Okay, yeah, you caught me out on that one. But I am desperate.” You kissed him again, one hand finding the hem of his shirt and slipping underneath it to run over his stomach, his chest, the side of his ribs.

    He moaned, his hands finding your hips and tugging you closer. When you broke apart, he said breathlessly, “It has been a while.”

    You hummed in agreement, pecking him on the lips.

    He took a breath. “Okay, fine, you’ve convinced me,” he said, and kissed you fiercely.

    You smiled against his lips. Maybe his fears weren’t completely assuaged, but you’d figure out how to fight them together. As much as it would take. Forever.

[xxkellsvixen19xx]

Forget Me Not Jim Mason x Reader 50 First Dates AU Pt 3

Jim laid a hand on her thigh out sight and casual-like. Just a light pressure to let Y/N know he was there for her.

Her entire body tightened, and she darted a glance around the table to see if anyone was watching. Everyone else was far too interested in their conversation and the joint floating around. He leaned over slightly to whisper by her ear. "You know they love you to pieces. It's going to be just fine, angel eyes."

His use of her nickname made her lips twitch. But even more importantly, to his delight she snuck her hand over his, linking their fingers together and squeezing tightly in response.

"You two got something on your mind over there?" Chad's question buzzed angrily in Jim's ears.

It was rather amazing how much disapproval could be put into such simple words.

Y/N took a deep breath, but before she could speak Jim decided what the hell. He'd sooner be skinned for the whole disaster, no matter what she'd said before.

"Not a secret," Jim announced. "We're dating."

Other than her quick gasp of shock, there was no response to his comment. Not for a full five seconds. Then an uproar of noise hit from all sides.

"The hell?"

"Since when?"

"Are you serious?"

Over all the questions and cussing lay a deep, heavy rumble, starting low then increasing in volume until Mr. Y/D/L/N's laugh broke through. He waved his sons off. "Calm yourself, boys. You really surprised by this?" He clicked his tongue. "Never thought I’d raised a pack of dullards. I saw this coming from a mile away."

Y/N gave Jim  a dirty look before facing her father.

"What's that mean?"

The older man shrugged. "Means I'd seen you two making calf eyes at each other when you thought no one was looking. About time you came to your senses."

Chad stumbled to vertical, glaring daggers at Jim. "Bullshit. You can't be dating Y/N."

Jim stood to meet him eye to eye across the table. "Not your decision."

"She's still recovering from the accident. She doesn't need to get involved with anyone."

A stream of very creative swearing burst free from a most unexpected source. Jim waited cautiously until Chad looked away before also turning toward Y/N.

She'd stood as well, her much shorter status very clear as everyone loomed over her from where they’d all risen to their feet around the table. The vile language spewing from her mouth stuttered to a stop as she whipped out her finger and stuck it in her oldest brother’s face.

"The accident happened two months ago. I. Bumped. My. Head. That's it. I didn't have a lobotomy or revert to childhood. I've had enough of you wrapping me in cotton and refusing to let me do anything on my own. Yes, I have gaps in my memory, and yes, dealing with that is a pain in the ass. But you, Chad"-she glared around the table to take in all her brothers-"all of you, are even bigger pains. I did not break my brain, or my body. My sex drive did not vanish out the broken window, and I will not allow you, or anyone else, decide what will or won't happen in my life."

Jim wasn't sure the mention of sex was the wisest idea as eyes narrowed further, and fists were clenched. Only he couldn't worry about that because she'd spun her fury toward him.

"And you! You're the biggest pain of them all. I told you I wanted to do this myself. You agreed, and now you just leap in and do exactly the opposite of what I asked for? Damn you." Y/N stepped back from the table, her eyes full of fire as she planted her feet wide and crossed her arms. "Jim and I are not going out," she stated clearly.

Oh, shit. She was more upset by his taking control than he’d expected. He reached for her, but she twisted from his grasp.

"Forget it, Jim. We might be seeing more of each other in the future if you get your head out of your ass, but the only reason will be because you might be the father of my baby."

The question exploded from five male throats at the same moment.

Y/N lifted her chin, cheeks red, her chest heaving. "Yes. I'm pregnant. Jim insists he could be. That's all I'm going to say about this tonight because I'm sick of all of you. Good night."

She twirled on her heel and stomped from the room, the door slamming shut after her. Jim wavered between running after her and staying to explain to the guys.

He never saw it coming. The fist that connected with his jaw made stars burst before his eyes, and he stumbled backward before landing on the floor, five very angry faces staring down at him.

"Shall we bury him alive in the back forty?" Danny asked, wiggling his fingers to shake out the blow he’d delivered. "Hang him in the garage. We can use the welder’s torch and skin him first."

Jim shoved aside the anger inside that wanted to flare like a torch. "Let me explain, dammit."

Chad dragged a hand over his head then gestured his brothers aside. He extended his hand to Jim.

Jim eyed it with distrust.

His friend snorted. "Look, you surprised us all, but I’m not going to beat you any further, and neither will the others."

"Speak for yourself," Alex drawled. "What the hell is going on, Jim?"

"Boys, let him up." Y/D/F/N Y/D/L/N pushed through his sons to cast an unreadable stare upon Jim.

Alex looked disappointed. "Does this mean we're not killing him and hiding the body?"

Y/D/F/N rested a hand on his shoulder. "Not today, but there's still hope for tomorrow."

And with that, Jim sighed in relief. He was going to be forgiven, at least by the guys. ,Y/N on the other hand, was another issue. He'd have to watch his balls around her for the next while.

They all settled around the table, a little uneasy. More awkward than he'd ever felt with the family. "So, now what?" Alex asked.

"That one is easy," Y/D/F/N answered. "Now Jim finds a way to convince Y/N they’re a couple. If she's going to have a baby, she needs all the support she can get."

"So you’d better find a way to convince Y/N she wants you in her life, or else," Chad snapped. Chad's ultimatum pissed Jim off all over.

"There’s nothing I want more." The secret seed of fear inside was shoved down and ignored as Jim went nose to nose with his stubborn best friend. “Did you not listen to what I said about sending you an email, you stupid ass? Did you not hear the part about how I'm the one who came to her before she even told me about the baby?"

"Easy words to say when none of it can be proved."

"Still say we take him outside and work him over,"  Alex muttered.

"Shut up, all of you." Mr. Y/D/L/N didn’t shout. Didn't storm, but his intensely spoken comment quelled all four of his sons. "Stop poking at Jim. He knows what he did was wrong, and if my baby girl is going to have a man in her life, I like Jim."

Warmth rushed him at the man’s words of acceptance. "Thank you, sir."

Y/D/F/N turned toward him with ice in the depths of his purple eyes. "You hurt her again, though, and I'll shoot you myself."

Ahh, family. Jim straightened up and wondered if he was going to survive.

Remembering the expression of fury in Y/N's eyes, he just might be better off dealing with the guys.

*********************************************

Y/N pulled herself alert. She was only a moment away from sliding into a puddle of relaxation in the overstuffed easy chair, tired from her week and everything that had been going on.

Medina had plopped herself on the floor to apply a new layer of polish to Y/N's toes. Instead of Friday night at the pub, Medina had suggested a girls’ home spa. The laid-back evening was so much better than fighting the noise and the crowds. Y/N was in heaven.

"Skipping away from the baby talk for a minute." Heather leaned forward on her elbows. "Tell me to butt out if you're not sharing, but what's this I hear about Jim.Mason basically camping out in your front yard?"

Y/N wasn't sure if she was pissed off or pleased with his relentless attention. "I laid down the law about two weeks ago, and ever since he's been trying to get back in my good books."

"Is it working?" Medina snorted. "Jim has not yet perfected the art of the grovel, we'll just put it that way."

"Hmm." Cami and Annisa, two more of Y/N's friends, exchanged glances. "A good grovel is always nice,”  Cami admitted.

"Followed by make-up sex, right?" Annisa grinned. "So, what’s he not doing right? Not being determined enough?"

Y/N stopped to think for a minute. Jim had been persistent-that much was in his favor. "I don’t think he understands what he did wrong in the first place."

"Of course he doesn’t." Heather grabbed a pitcher and topped up her drink. "He’s a guy. The words 'I was wrong' kind of stick in their throats and end up coming out as 'Get over it, little woman, I know best.'

A snort escaped before Y/N could stop it. "Yeah, that’s about the entire story."

"So, all he needs to do is say he was wrong?" Medina tilted her head to the side. "I would have thought this situation required more than that."

"Oh, 'I was wrong' would be the first step," Y/N agreed. "But until he figures out that this is my life, I'm not letting him back in. It's bad enough with my brothers wanting to make decisions for me."

"And you don’t need another big brother, right?" Ava winked at her. "I know you probably hate getting asked, but how are you feeling?"

"Much better,” Y/N admitted happily. "Morning sickness is done. Lots of energy. I haven’t got back my memory, but I have progressed in my math beyond two plus two is four."

"Hmm, too bad you have no memory of sexing it up with Jim." Cami waggled her brows. "I bet he’s got some moves."

"I can’t believe sex with Jim wasn’t memorable enough to stay in your brain no matter what. I mean, do you think he's got a teeny penis or something, and your mind is trying to wipe that out?"

"Not the size of the equipment, it’s how well they use it," Annisa quipped innocently, batting her lashes at the laughter that rose from the other women. "Well, that’s what they say, right?"

"No, I doubt Jim is lacking penis power. Unless he's shoving socks into his jock strap, the guy's got the goods."

Like a barometer, Y/N’s cheeks had responded to the chatter. She didn't really want to speculate on Jim's... equipment. "Sorry. Memory loss doesn’t pick and choose to save the juicier tidbits for repeat consumption. We'll have to stick with 'I don't remember’ on this one."

Laughter exploded, and Y/N relaxed back into her happy haze of food and friends. It wasn't the size of Jim's equipment that interested her -well, okay, not completely. But if she remembered the act, she'd know for sure who was involved in making the baby in her belly. She slipped her hands over the slight bulge beginning to show and wished again for a miracle, like total recall. It didn't come, but the friendship and warmth around her helped. Helped a lot.

The next morning Jim shifted uneasily on his feet and waited for Y/N to answer his knock. It was just past ten. Late enough she would have had time to sleep in a little and dress, because he didn't need any temptation to mess this up.

It sort of worked. She was awake. The woman who pulled the door open had bright eyes and a rested face; only she was still wrapped in a mass of soft terry cloth. Her robe ended at mid-thigh, and Jim snapped his gaze back up to safer territory.

He swallowed hard. "Hi."

She lifted one brow in a perfect Vulcan imitation. "Hi." Jim paused. "How you doing?"

Y/N nodded. "Good."

Ah, fuck it. "I'm so sorry, Y/N. I was an ass, and I had no right to butt in and go around your wishes."

She opened the door all the way and they headed towards the kitchen. She watched with a bemused attitude from where she’d pushed herself up to sit on the counter. "What are you doing, Jim?"

"Apologizing." He lifted his glass to her. "Trying to find a way to truly be there for you and make up for my stupid move at dinner a while back."

Y/N lifted her hand to touch his jaw where the final tinge of a bruise was slowly fading. "You got worked over by my brothers that night. I'm sorry for leaving you to them."

Jim stood stock-still as her soft fingers caressed his cheek. "I blew it more ways than one that night."

"You did." She patted his cheek gently then leaned forward to whisper, “But I'm ready to forgive you. Only for heaven's sake, stop acting like some ball-less dweeb."

Jim couldn't help but to laugh. "That's blunt."

Y/N shrugged. "It’s the new Y/N-I tend to speak my mind a little sooner. So here’s the deal. You will not fuck up and go against my express wishes, and I'll stop my brothers from beating on you."

Jim nodded. "And you'll let me get involved in your life; however it will help you the most. Whether that’s getting things ready for the baby's arrival, or being there to rub your feet or ..." He'd spotted the circle on the calendar on the wall. "Or going to prenatal visits with you."

She hesitated. "I don't know how I feel about that."

"That’s not true." Jim laid a hand over hers where it rested on the counter. "Come on, new Y/N, tell me what's racing through your mind."

She stared down at their fingers. "I'm afraid to let you in, I'm afraid to have you around and then have you taken off down the road." Her head lifted and those beautiful eyes stared into his soul. "I want you to be there for more than just the baby."

Jim stroked her fingers lightly. "I’m here. In spite of your fears." In spite of his own. "I wanted you before the baby was in the picture, and I'll want you no matter what." That much he could say with full and complete honesty.

The moment hung between them. Anticipation and longing right there. All his concerns and worries were overwhelmed by the need to have Y/N make the decision for him. To be with him, and give him a chance. Even though her accepting him would open up a world of nightmares-facing those would be worth it. Had to be worth it. He'd chosen to be a better man than his father, and this was the place that he made his stand.

Y/N moved so slowly, but finally she did move. Leaned toward him and rested her head on his shoulder. He slipped up a hand to brush the inch-long hair over her scalp, the softness against his palm like satin.

She leaned away. "Okay."

His heart raced like an out-of-control train. "Okay?"

She nodded. "You can come to the prenatal with me. And you can do some stuff around here, to help get things ready for the baby."

Jim waited, then got tired of waiting. "And us?" He demanded.

Her tongue snuck out quickly as she moistened her lips. "Well, I suppose we could start seeing each other."

He wanted to toss his fist into the air and shout, but that might freak her out. So instead he picked her up and twirled her. Hugging her close as she laughed. "Put me down, silly."

Jim lowered her carefully, reluctant to allow her warm, soft body to leave contact with his. "Does that mean we can go on a date?"

"Yes." She got an evil look in her eyes. He lowered himself onto the open space next to her, leaving room between them. There would be time to make a move on the physical side of things soon enough, now that she was letting him in. Letting him have a chance to do the right thing, and more.

She leaned back, the sunshine in the window making her soft and edible, and incredibly beautiful. "You have any plans for the day?"

"You are my plans."

Her smile bloomed, and Jim's heart swelled a little. It wasn’t what he’d expected to be doing, but in the big scheme of things-it was right.

@michael-langdon-appreciation

Credit to @carolthors

[howtoloseweightfastsafely]

Why That New Miracle Diet Isn't So Much of a Miracle After All (And Why You're Guaranteed To Hate Yourself On It Sooner or Later)

Diet Trap #1: A low fat, high refined carb diet

a. Deprives the body and brain of healthy fats which it NEEDS to thrive.

1. Omega-3 fatty acids, as most people know, are CRUCIAL to optimal heart (and brain) health.

2. A lesser-known need is MCT (medium chain triglycerides) which is found in Coconut Oil. These MCT fats are easily broken down by the body, and immediately converted and used as energy. They are also a good form of relatively "tasteless" calories that can be used to suppress appetite.

b. Causes major chronic insulin resistance and inflammation, which are the leading causal factors of most major disease

1. This is in large part due to high blood glucose spikes that the body cannot handle, and that is not mitigated from adequate amounts of fat (which would be present on a smart nutrition plan)

c. Is taken too far to the extreme. Fat is likened to the devil in the minds of many people. They avoid it at all costs, and are then surprised when they just don't feel right, their brain is foggy, and their skin, hair, and nails look "off". ("Off" as in decaying and/or dead...)

1. The "avoid fat" advice also leads to people justifying high amounts of refined carbs under the rationalization that "it's low fat so it's good for me".

2. Sure if you're eating natural, toxin-free carbs like fruit, rice, potatoes, and quinoa you'll be fine. But eating pretzels, bread (usually made with 20+ ingredients), genetically modified corn and wheat, low-fat snacks made with industrial oils, and other junk just because they're "low fat" is not healthy.

Diet Trap #2: A very low carb, or zero carb, ketogenic diet

a. Can pollute the body with millions of chemicals and toxins if food quality is not addressed.

1. Eating factory-farmed meats, cheeses, and more at mass quantity is NOT healthy.

b. Deprives the body of crucial vitamins, antioxidants, phytonutrients, and more.

1. Smart, temporary low-carb diets DO include intake of numerous veggies and low-glycemic fruits, but people conveniently forget to eat these. When the prospect of beef, bacon, and cheese all day comes into play, making a salad on the side isn't all that appealing.

c. Doesn't address metabolic stress factors.

1. In most cases, only general strength training (max of 6-8 reps per set) and occasional sprints can be sustained well by a low-carb and high-protein diet.

2. BUT, intense, metabolically demanding exercises such as Cross Fit workouts, dumbbell and barbell complexes, and circuits are often too stressing on the body. They are glycogen-depleting activities which need glucose (preferably from carbs) to properly recover.

3. Similarly, moderate to intense cardio depletes glycogen and needs glucose (preferably from carbs).

i. Glucose can be produced from protein via gluconeogenesis but it is not always efficient and is far from being the preferred source of energy for the body and brain. (i.e. instead of forcing the body to convert protein to glucose, why not give it glucose from the start?)

4. The body is in a stress-induced, catabolic state following a hard workout, and adequate post-workout nutrition (with carbohydrates for most people) is needed.

i. Without proper post-workout nutrition, it is possible that these no/low carbers are simply prolonging the catabolism/muscle breakdown which occurs via extended cortisol output (cortisol is created as a response to stress, in this case, exercise stress)

d. The body gets "used" to eating low/no carbs when done for too long. So when you end up eating higher carb foods, the body doesn't know how to process it efficiently and some it turns into fat.

1. This prolonged/no-carb stage similarly causes insulin resistance because the body literally "forgets" how to properly intake glucose and the insulin it creates.

2. Note: This is a SHOCKER to even the most devout low-carbers. The body is adaptive, and it changes its internal workings when it notices a prolonged shift --- in this case, it starts resisting insulin, thinking the body will no longer need to digest it. This was probably great in evolutionary times, when a food source might simply drop off the map and the body would have to adapt...but that's not the same as going on a hardcore diet to lose weight, and then eating carbs a year down the road (only to have a damaged insulin response mechanism).

i. This is one BIG reason why you'll notice some chronic low-carb dieters never quite get "there" in terms of body composition and overall leanness. Insulin resistance down the road may promote increased fat storage when carbs come back into the game (and just ask hundreds of long-living cultures...carbs should definitely come back into the game).

Diet Trap #3: A very low-calorie diet, especially with little regard to food quality

a. Possibly the WORST of all diets. Don't get me wrong here -- decreasing calories is crucial for weight loss.

1. But people think low calorie means "eat next to nothing and exercise like a maniac". (this is a recipe for disaster)

2. People think it also means "eat anything as long as it's under X amount of calories". (this is terrible for your internal health, blood lipids, etc.)

3. And people think it means "well I'll just eat this few calories for a few weeks and then it's all over!" (Bad, bad idea. Hello uncontrollable binges and uncontrollable fat gain once you try to eat "normal" again.)

b. With the advent of 100 calorie packs, 250 calorie frozen dinners, and more, our society is conditioned to think they just have to eat these foods and the pounds will just disappear (well played, big business)

1. The truth is, while these foods may be low in calories, many of them are very tasty and very rewarding, as artificial as they may be. Which means once we have it, it can very easily trigger cravings for other foods (this is the "food reward hypothesis").

2. These foods are also very low on the micronutrient scale. This essentially means the foods lack the crucial vitamins and minerals that would otherwise appear in a whole foods diet. Your body and brain crave these vitamins and minerals, and until you have them, you will continue to crave more and more food.

3. And assuming you continue to eat processed, nutrient-poor foods, the cravings are bound to continue until you have far exceeded your calories for the day.

4. Also, these foods are full of blood sugar spiking refined carbs (white flour and even wheat flour break down to sugar very quickly), and are packed with industrial seed/vegetable oils (high in toxic Omega 6, which our body needs very, very little of) and partially/fully-hydrogenated oils (the dreaded trans fat that clogs our arteries and cause inflammation, fat gain and disease)

So we've "tore down" all the fad/nonsense diets, and we know that weight loss is all about eating whole foods at a calorie deficit, frequent movement, and natural herbs/ plant extracts to cut out the inflammation/insulin resistance issue...is that all there is longevity and living well??

I'm glad you asked!

Here's where I think most "experts" go wrong.

They say, "eat right, move, take some supplements, and you'll live a happy, long life."

I don't agree.

I believe eating right, moving, and using natural compounds is a huge part of living a happy, long life, and without it, you're definitely putting yourself in danger...but it's not everything.

 Interested in losing weight? Then click below to see the exact steps I took to lose weight and keep it off for good...

Read the previous article about "Everything Popular Is Wrong: The Real Key To Long-Term Weight Loss"

Read the next article about "A Nutrition Crash Course To Build A Healthy Body and Happy Mind"

Moving forward, there are several other articles/topics I'll share so you can lose weight even faster, and feel great doing it.

Below is a list of these topics and you can use this Table of Contents to jump to the part that interests you the most.

Topic 1: How I Lost 30 Pounds In 90 Days - And How You Can Too

Topic 2: How I Lost Weight By Not Following The Mainstream Media And Health Guru's Advice - Why The Health Industry Is Broken And How We Can Fix It

Topic 3: The #1 Ridiculous Diet Myth Pushed By 95% Of Doctors And "experts" That Is Keeping You From The Body Of Your Dreams

Topic 4: The Dangers of Low-Carb and Other "No Calorie Counting" Diets

Topic 5: Why Red Meat May Be Good For You And Eggs Won't Kill You

Topic 6: Two Critical Hormones That Are Quietly Making Americans Sicker and Heavier Than Ever Before

Topic 7: Everything Popular Is Wrong: The Real Key To Long-Term Weight Loss

Topic 8: Why That New Miracle Diet Isn't So Much of a Miracle After All (And Why You're Guaranteed To Hate Yourself On It Sooner or Later)

Topic 9: A Nutrition Crash Course To Build A Healthy Body and Happy Mind

Topic 10: How Much You Really Need To Eat For Steady Fat Loss (The Truth About Calories and Macronutrients)

Topic 11: The Easy Way To Determining Your Calorie Intake

Topic 12: Calculating A Weight Loss Deficit

Topic 13: How To Determine Your Optimal "Macros" (And How The Skinny On The 3-Phase Extreme Fat Loss Formula)

Topic 14: Two Dangerous "Invisible Thorn" Foods Masquerading as "Heart Healthy Super Nutrients"

Topic 15: The Truth About Whole Grains And Beans: What Traditional Cultures Know About These So-called "Healthy Foods" That Most Americans Don't

Topic 16: The Inflammation-Reducing, Immune-Fortifying Secret of All Long-Living Cultures (This 3-Step Process Can Reduce Chronic Pain and Heal Your Gut in Less Than 24 Hours)

Topic 17: The Foolproof Immune-enhancing Plan That Cleanses And Purifies Your Body, While "patching Up" Holes, Gaps, And Inefficiencies In Your Digestive System (And How To Do It Without Wasting $10+ Per "meal" On Ridiculous Juice Cleanses)

Topic 18: The Great Soy Myth (and The Truth About Soy in Eastern Asia)

Topic 19: How Chemicals In Food Make Us Fat (Plus 10 Banned Chemicals Still in the U.S. Food Supply)

Topic 20: 10 Banned Chemicals Still in the U.S. Food Supply

Topic 21: How To Protect Yourself Against Chronic Inflammation (What Time Magazine Calls A "Secret Killer")

Topic 22: The Truth About Buying Organic: Secrets The Health Food Industry Doesn't Want You To Know

Topic 23: Choosing High Quality Foods

Topic 24: A Recipe For Rapid Aging: The "Hidden" Compounds Stealing Your Youth, Minute by Minute

Topic 25: 7 Steps To Reduce AGEs and Slow Aging

Topic 26: The 10-second Trick That Can Slash Your Risk Of Cardiovascular Mortality By 37% (Most Traditional Cultures Have Done This For Centuries, But The Pharmaceutical Industry Would Be Up In Arms If More Modern-day Americans Knew About It)

Topic 27: How To Clean Up Your Liver and Vital Organs

Topic 28: The Simple Detox 'Cheat Sheet': How To Easily and Properly Cleanse, Nourish, and Rid Your Body of Dangerous Toxins (and Build a Lean Well-Oiled "Machine" in the Process)

Topic 29: How To Deal With the "Stress Hormone" Before It Deals With You

Topic 30: 7 Common Sense Ways to Have Uncommon Peace of Mind (or How To Stop Your "Stress Hormone" In Its Tracks)

Topic 31: How To Sleep Like A Baby (And Wake Up Feeling Like A Boss)

Topic 32: The 8-step Formula That Finally "fixes" Years Of Poor Sleep, Including Trouble Falling Asleep, Staying Asleep, And Waking Up Rested (If You Ever Find Yourself Hitting The Snooze Every Morning Or Dozing Off At Work, These Steps Will Change Your Life Forever)

Topic 33: For Even Better Leg Up And/or See Faster Results In Fixing Years Of Poor Sleep, Including Trouble Falling Asleep, Staying Asleep, And Waking Up Rested, Do The Following:

Topic 34: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 35: Part 1 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 36: Part 2 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 37: Part 3 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 38: Part 4 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 39: How To Beat Your Mental Roadblocks And Why It Can Be The Difference Between A Happy, Satisfying Life And A Sad, Fearful Existence (These Strategies Will Reduce Stress, Increase Productivity And Show You How To Fulfill All Your Dreams)

Topic 40: Maximum Fat Loss in Minimum Time: The Body Type Solution To Quick, Lasting Results

Topic 41: If You Want Maximum Results In Minimum Time You're Going To Have To Work Out (And Workout Hard, At That)

Topic 42: Food Planning For Maximum Fat Loss In Minimum Time

Topic 43: How To Lose Weight Fast If You're in Chronic Pain

Topic 44: Nutrition Basics for Fast Pain Relief (and Weight Loss)

Topic 45: How To Track Results (And Not Fall Into the Trap That Ruins 95% of Well-Thought Out Diets)

Topic 46: Advanced Fat Loss - Calorie Cycling, Carb Cycling and Intermittent Fasting

Topic 47: Advanced Fat Loss - Part I: Calorie Cycling

Topic 48: Advanced Fat Loss - Part II: Carb Cycling

Topic 49: Advanced Fat Loss - Part III: Intermittent Fasting

Topic 50: Putting It All Together

Learn more by visiting our website here: invigoratenow.com