#truly using my studies to it's full potential. this is why i'm studying for a diploma surely

[dilfsuzanneyk]

having stupid weird al animation thoughts once i get my hands on my laptop no one is safe

[exsanguidus]

Controversial opinion; I think Ascended Astarion is the true Astarion. In DnD lore, vampirism amplifies a person's traits for whoever they are at the time they become a true vampire. A Paladin wanting to save people will end up ruling a city with an iron fist to keep people safe. A mage wanting to heal those they love will hurt everyone else to heal them. Astarion was on a journey with Tav - one from being controlled, owned, and tortured to being free, curious, and even powerful. Becoming a full vampire and ascending just amplified that. It forced a self-actualization, not a descent into villainy. I think Ascended Astarion is cannon Astarion. He will always be a vampire, and vampires in DnD are always the amplification of a true self. Without ascention, he is still malleable - but I don't think its what he wants. He wants to be powerful (protected by his own power too - his power being a means to self-preservation), he wants to be loved, seen, and free. Free of hunger, free to walk in the sun, free of Cazador. All these things are true regardless of the path you choose. But, they are all only attainable through ascension. When you ascend Astarion - he gets everything he wants and becomes who he truly is.

I'm going to start this with a disclaimer:

I work in the mental health field professionally and majored in Social & Behavioral Science, which is partly why I felt drawn to Astarion as a sort of case study. Characters rooted in trauma are interesting to me and I enjoy picking them apart to judge how real it feels. I utilize my educational and professional background to essentially guide how I write Astarion on this account.

That said, despite me being a professional in the field, all of what I have to say is my personal opinion and interpretation of Astarion's character based on how I interpret the material Larian gave us and the material that can be found in DND lore. Even in real life, things have variation and not all mental health struggles (getting over trauma is part of mental health) present the exact same way. There are theories that exist to try and explain some trends in mental health studies, psychology, and sociology, but again they're called theories for a reason.

Now, my response to this question will be under the cut and will include spoilers.

I know what lore in particular you're referencing, anon, because I've been going back to it a lot ever since I opened this account.

Astarion very much has an insecure attachment style born from his abuse at Cazador's hands. Specifically, an anxious-avoidant attachment type that leans more towards avoidant when he's first met and then begins to swing more towards anxious as he begins to get closer to Tav and the other companions.

Anxious-avoidant attachment types (also known as the “fearful or disorganized type”) bring together the worst of both worlds. Anxious-avoidants are not only afraid of intimacy and commitment, but they distrust and lash out emotionally at anyone who tries to get close to them. Anxious-avoidants often spend much of their time alone and miserable, or in abusive or dysfunctional relationships. Anxious-avoidants are low in confidence and less likely to express emotions, preferring to suppress them. However, they can have intense emotional outbursts when under stress. They also don’t tend to seek help when in need due to a distrust of others. This sucks because they are also incapable of sorting through their own issues. Anxious-avoidants really get the worst of both worlds. They avoid intimacy not because they prefer to be alone like avoidants. Rather, they avoid intimacy because they are so terrified of its potential to hurt them (Mark Manson, Attachment Styles and How They Affect Your Relationships).

Typically, most studies of Attachment Theory focus on the relationship of parents-children or romantic partners, but it can also be applied to any significant relationship someone has in their lifetime. Attachment styles thus are capable of changing based on new relationship experiences.

If you end up giving him the "good" ending where he denies the Ascension, it's implied in his final dialogue that he's actively working towards having a secure attachment type due to the influences of his fellow worm-afflicted associates - particularly Tav.

I think that it's important to also note that, even if Tav doesn't romantically connect with Astarion, he shows hints of desperately wanting someone to care for him, support him, and love him. He does want to know what sex would be like as something other than a tool, and especially what it would be like to actually want to have it just for the pure sake of enjoying having it.

You have to understand that Astarion doesn't even understand the concept of casual sex or friends with benefits. All those times he had to seduce people for Cazador was not casual sex or a friends with benefits situation. All of them were transactions with a means to an end. He got nothing out of seducing those victims besides the possibility of not incurring Cazador's wrath that night - but even then, there was still a possibility because Cazador was an abuser.

Abusers are incapable of providing genuine safety, but can manipulate their victims into believing an illusion of safety. Often times, they manipulate their victims into this by using phrases like "you made me do this by being disobedient", "it wouldn't come to this if you just did what you were told", and then weaponizing basic needs such as shelter, food, and social interaction. The bare minimum becomes something the victim is expected to be grateful for and viewed as a favor, which means anything beyond the bare minimum is expected to be viewed as a theatrical showing of care and love.

In game, Tav has the chance to hear Astarion tell the story of how Cazador turned him. He basically states that he got attacked by a mob due to a ruling he handed down when he was magistrate and then Cazador saved him and offered him immortality. It can be inferred that in his pre-vampiric days, Astarion had no idea that Cazador was abusive to his spawn.

This is likely because it seems that Cazador is careful about his public image. He doesn't allow his spawn to drink from humans, very likely not just as a means to further oppress them and dampen their potential power they could get from drinking people's blood, but also as a way to ensure there's not just a bunch of people out in the city being bitten and left alive to tell the story - or left dead on the street suspiciously.

He has his spawn seduce and lure people, particularly lower class people that would be harder for general society to realize is missing or just that he knows people who could actually challenge him wouldn't care for (you learn that reading some of the books and notes in Szarr Palace). The only exception to this is the kidnapping of Gur children, but even then it seems to fit his MO as it seems Gur are considered somewhat outcasts from the rest of Baldurian society due to their cultural differences.

It should also be noted that he himself doesn't do these seductions or kidnappings. He specifically chooses spawn to be his lackeys and that's likely so, if shit hits the fan and the spawn gets caught, he has deniability since he wasn't there. It's methodical and thought out to keep as many eyes away from him so he can still obtain what he wants and keep sailing under the radar.

Cazador is this methodical and purposeful as a result of his own trauma, which we learn about from the skull of his master in the dungeon of Szaar Palace. There's one interaction in particular with the skull in which Tav can learn that, at one point, Cazador attempted to rebel and usurp his master. Cazador failed and his master punished him via impalement. Not because Cazador had the audacity to try and usurp him, but because Cazador tried and failed. Cazador's master punished Cazador via torture because his master was disgusted by the fact that his spawn was too weak to succeed in such a plot.

Which brings me to my next point... it's not uncommon for victims of abuse to later become abusers. Hence the term Cycle of Abuse exists. Many abusers who were once victims often have the mentality of either "I'm not nearly as bad as my abuser was, they should be grateful I care enough to not be so bad" or "I survived and it made me tougher, they need to suck it up and let it help them build character" or both. They often fail to view their abuse as abuse and fail to recognize how their experience as abuse victims contributes into making them toxic and abusive to others.

There's many peer-reviewed scholarly articles you can find about the cycle of abuse, but one I particularly find useful is Editorial: Dissociation, and cycles of abuse across generations by David P.H. Jones. It talks specifically about parents and children, but I believe some of the general points made can be applied to Cazador and his spawn, as he crafts a very family-like setting that can be seen in the way that his spawn refer to one another as brothers and sisters.

This would thus make him the father figure, a role exponentially made important by the fact he denies his spawn education on things that could serve to give them ideas or the ability to leave him (for example, Astarion mentions that none of the spawn were permitted to learn about the language of the various symbols around the palace) and he consistently chooses his Golden Children (Favored Spawns) as a means of providing more false security. Do what he says, when he says, exactly how he says and don't complain then you will have benefits. You will be Favored, and to have his favor is the highest honor you could achieve.

Torture is clearly presented as Cazador's primary go-to for discipline. Research has also concluded that trauma has a way of affecting the brain and memories.

Trauma can prevent information (like words, images, sounds, etc.) from different parts of the brain from combining to make a semantic memory. The temporal lobe and inferior parietal cortex collect information from different brain areas to create semantic memory (The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine).

Astarion mentions a few times in-game that he can barely remember his life before Cazador, if at all, and a huge part of that is likely because of all the trauma Cazador inflicted upon him that exacerbated the natural occurrence of memory loss from aging (if vampires experience natural memory loss from aging, that is). This is most likely true for all of Cazador's spawn.

I say all this as a set up to truly answering you, anon, specifically where you say: "from being controlled, owned, and tortured to being free, curious, and even powerful. Becoming a full vampire and ascending just amplified that. It forced a self-actualization, not a descent into villainy."

I can argue that Astarion did not feel free up until after a decision to Ascend or not was made. And I argue that stance due to some dialogue he can have with Tav here he basically states that the power Ascension could guarantee that no one, even someone after Cazador is dead, could ever come in to oppress and hurt him again. Even with Cazador dead, he has such an intense fear of being enslaved and used that he turns to catastrophic thoughts as justification to why he needs to Ascend.

Catastrophic thinking is a cognitive distortion that occurs when people have a hard time weighing the likelihood of certain outcomes and believe that terrible or catastrophic outcomes—which are highly unlikely—become, in one’s mind, salient and extremely likely. (Tom Zaubler, MD, MPH).

Aside from the Gur, whom Astarion can manage to evade and even kill perfectly fine as just a spawn, we're not presented with any hints of another big bad in the vampire world that could possibly want Astarion. As such, there's not really any tangible threat, but rather a perceived threat that he believes is destined to darken his doorstep at any time.

His catastrophic thinking is a trauma response. His belief that he needs to be the most powerful being in the room as a way to be truly free is a trauma response. Cazador broke him down emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually to make him believe that he was weak and trapped. Furthermore, that he remained trapped because he was too weak to do anything about it.

You see how this goes full circle into how Cazador's master punished Cazador for not being able to successfully usurp him? It places blame on the victim, allowing shame and helplessness to root that the abuser can manipulate. We know that Astarion definitely feels shame because he tells Tav that. For most of his dialogue until the boss fight, he's constantly bringing up that he did what Cazador wanted and acted obedient because he had no choice.

This is true, he had to act in self-preservation to survive and unfortunately that meant he had to be subservient. A few dialogue choices you can have your Tav pick can challenge Astarion and say he could have still tried, to which he'll rightfully tell Tav that Tav has no right to judge him for the choices he made to survive.

When Astarion encounters Sebastian in the dungeon, its made pretty obvious how much guilt and shame he truly feels. Furthermore, that for all Astarion's protesting and exclaiming that no one has the right to judge him, a part of him did believe that he didn't do enough to try and escape enslavement. A part of himself blamed himself and believed he allowed himself to be abused when, in reality, he was put in a horrible situation with very limited options. He did the best he could in the moment, with what information he had in those moments.

I also want to argue that who Astarion is when we meet him isn't his true self. It's who he had to become in order to survive Cazador. Astarion doesn't even know who his true self is because he didn't have the opportunity to explore his own likes and preferences. Cazador molded all of his spawn because he had a specific purpose for them.

Not only that, but since Cazador would have to more directly deal with these spawn since he used them as lackies, he also would have molded them to behave in ways to his preference so that he wouldn't find their presence unbearable and feel inclined to murder them out of annoyance. This is also where the Favored Spawn being separated and set on a pedestal comes into play. Those who could please him and play to his wants and needs had better benefits. If all of the spawn are acting in self-preservation, they would want to be favored and thus would want to adapt themselves to things Cazador liked and approved of.

This would mean learning to be cruel to those less fortunate and not doing anything as charity. This is the reason why Astarion approves of some questionable decisions Tav can make. Astarion learned his ideals and morality from Cazador because he had to so he could know how to please Cazador and stay in his master's good graces. After a while, even if you started off disagreeing, forcing yourself to act a certain way can become a habit that sticks with you. You convince yourself to enjoy it too so it's easier to swallow.

Astarion craves power because he knows that power is the quickest, easiest, and - what he believes - most effective way to prevent him from having to use that method ever again. It's logical to want power to solve that.

You said in your ask: "He wants to be powerful (protected by his own power too - his power being a means to self-preservation), he wants to be loved, seen, and free. Free of hunger, free to walk in the sun, free of Cazador. All these things are true regardless of the path you choose. But, they are all only attainable through ascension. When you ascend Astarion - he gets everything he wants and becomes who he truly is."

In the most literal of terms, yes, Ascension gives him all of those. However, since the basis of him believing he needs power to be free is rooted in fear, that's not actually really freedom. That is still his fear ruling over him.

There's a stark difference in what someone wants versus what they need. He wants power, to be seen, to be loved, and to be free. What he actually needs is security, stability, support, consistency, empathy, and autonomy. The things he wants is what he believes will solve the empty cups of what he needs, and he believes that because the only example he had on how to act to get what you want - until the events of the game - was Cazador. He literally had no other example of how to get your needs met except through selfishness, cruelty, force, manipulation, and abuse.

Again, I reiterate. The Astarion we first meet is not Astarion's true nature. Astarion's true nature was corrupted by his abuse from Cazador and the subsequent trauma that followed. If it had been his true nature, he would have happily been Cazador's subject because their true natures would have been in alignment.

It only becomes his true nature if he allows that trauma to define him and decides that he needs to embrace it rather than fight it. That is then what gets amplified because that fear that roots those wants becomes amplified.

Honestly, it's impossible to say what would be canon for Astarion because there's too many factors.

Studies have shown that having more supportive and positive influences, even if its later in life after leaving the abuser, tends to work in favor of the victim breaking the cycle of abuse. As such, I think that if you make a Tav who's core values are autonomy, consent, second chances, and redemption and somehow manage to get high enough approval that he'd even consider caring what they think; then its more likely that Astarion would reject Ascension due to observing how much softer, kinder, patient, and merciful Tav is.

But if its a Tav that has no interest in getting to know him beyond the surface or Tav doesn't exist at all, I honestly think he would end up going through with Ascension. Mostly because, to me, it seems like he didn't really bother to have more than surface level interactions with the other companions and the other companions really only ended up getting to know him better as a result to Tav managing to get past his masking. He does not lower his mask on his own accord, only after certain things are done and said by Tav.

Unfortunately, I just don't really think any of the other companions you can pick up in-game would really be able to provide support and determined consistency in the same way that players can make Tav. Hence I don't think he'd end up caring enough about any of them to ever start to think that perhaps freedom can be defined differently than the way he initially believes, and would view Ascension as the only right way to get his needs fulfilled.

[furiyama]

I have something to say to certain people in this fandom and I've had these thoughts and feelings for a while. I won't name names for the sake of what I'm about to say. It's important that I say it, and explain it, and tell you firstly

I am absolutely disgusted, on a soul level, on a heart level, by your beloved Snarry ship and I must call you out on what you are doing to Severus (and also to Harry, though Severus has been with me since I was read the first book at 4 years old. From that age on, I knew and felt he was more, he was onto something, so he is the main focus of this)

I don't know you are, and I can't quantify and analyze each one of your lives to understand why you like Severus, but I know within my soul, you do not understand the gravity of what he gave up for Lily, the amount of self will it took, the knowledge that even if he would never make things right with Lily, he must do the right thing (which we can debate on if he actually made this emotional decision but I have a following more important point)

I have dealt with the strength of love towards a friend after the world that birthed you shatters you soul with abuse, you have no one truly supporting you in this world, you don't know what geniune love looks or feels like, but yet, you meet somebody who makes your soul glimmer, like you are actually alive and not dead inside. I have been down many schools of thought about these types of love, having them for a handful of different people I met throughout my journey. On one hand there is geniune pyschological phenomanoms when it comes to loving and connections after abuse, that some of us develop unhealthy attachment styles, some of us encounter limerance (unwanted, obsessive love for somebody else you cannot get out of), all of these schools of thoughts are valid and in appropriate medical settings and pyschology study, are useful for helping us understands how humans work and potentially helping us guide us to a patch of healing.

But what I'm going to say is different , because I experienced different, thought different.

I had to validate that love I held for those people because it made me want to continue to exist - and so what if is excerbated or partially caused by my trauma and/or mental illness. It was the most real feeling I had ever felt, those feelings eventually lead me to this moment now, where I can finally stand up and tell you how disrespectful you are to Severus and his journey by shipping him with Harry. I trusted those feelings and they lead me to the healing I needed for many years.

Severus's journey mirrored my own, I was the child with a terrible temper, getting kicked out of schools early on in childhood, group homes. But why did me and him continue to exist in a world that made it clear it didn't want us?

I found that answer out as I grew into a teenager and experienced love for my friends and my limerance objects (the object of ones affection while under limerance effects), that I wanted to keep existing so I could do good for them.

I had no idea how to do that, at this point I shipped literal Armstrongcest from full metal alchimist, my entirely way of being, and thinking, was fucked up. I hurt people left and right even though the feelings I had - and for certain people I didn't realize until I used and hurt them so much, that they weren't my emotional priority, I liked the companionship, somebody who talked about things you knew and were interested in.

Severus made friends with terrible people because they were the only ones that really gave that to him. And nobody stepped in to teach him straight or differently, he only knew the world as it was for him. I'm not condoning being a wizard racist or anything, I simply understand when you are in that much pain, as my friend says often to me 'if you aren't given appropriate love you will learn to lick it off a knife'

Something in him for Lily always stirred, and unhealthy as it was for him to have that, I truly believe it was the only geniune relationship he ever had growing up. And knowing personally still grief after 8 years of the person my heart chose simply ghosting and refusing all contact, sometimes that pain, that longing, it never goes away. You remember it because it spoke to your soul at that time in your life in a way you have never encountered since.

I am absolutely... just, offended, that as somebody who has gone through this emotional journeys, who understands now the appropriate space that must be given to this person, it is beyond words of absolute recoiling of the soul to think that after all that happens, your person never returns to you

That you go and fuck their child

all the self work you've done on yourself to achieve a sense of self you now can find yourself be proud you climbed that mluntain for them

That you go and think their kid is an appropriate partner

Part of this is understanding you need to leave their circle alone (even if it was never involved their circle before), it is a level of respect you come to and understand for this person. that from afar, mayhaps now and again you can send a blessing or help in some way, but to want to change your behavior from what you did that hurt them to run (which is the level of emotional decision i want to write for severus but that's another topic)

you understand your behaviors and your way of connecting with people isn't good, and the first thing you can do to make it right within your soul is going and trying to exude the exact opposite energy

which means respectfully at the end leaving her kid the fuck alone

i could go on rants for many of the other severus ships but i don't care to. none of them are more annoying to a mosquito to me. but this one, stirs a specifc part of my soul that i need you to hear when i say

When you fucking ship him with harry, you are completely opposite of that energy, you don't want what's best for him, otherwise you'd know the grief and such goes through stages and you's eventually want him to learn how to respect his own emotions and experiences

to see you snarry shippers say dumb shit like i love his smile, i love a happy snape, i love him, i am disgusted beyond words

you don't actually fucking care at all if you want him to go down that dark ass road

i geniunely had to ask myself at a point of thinking about this, what if it was me, and i was the person who was diddling that persons child?

i said to my friend, if that ever happens, please just shoot me. end it. clearly something has gone wrong, very wrong, and it can't be fixed when you get to that level, it's all already fucked. my friend, understanding he said to me 'i definitely wouldnt want to but i hear you... it'd be painful but i know where you are coming from when you talk about severus and m(person). if it gets that bad, i know you don't want it to go on'

of course this is a hypothetical question so of course it won't happen but that parallel is the Foundation of the understanding. without my feelings for all those people that eventually coalesced into my now many year long grief over just 1 and has held steady, I wouldn't have this personal context to give you but it's important I give it to you

so you can understand now how the very ship is an anti-thesis to severus's soul and how dare you say you care about him while doing that shit

how fuckin ass dare you disrespect him and his journey like that

how dare you try to stand with him while pushing him back into a similiar kind of darkness he was born in!

fuck you and fuck your snarry.

respect severus, don't you ass fucking dare act like you understand what it's living it because you clearly fucking don't if you can't give him the basic respect of not pushing him backwards

i hope y'all learn how to swim because i'm the goddamn severus snape goddess and your ship is creepier than flying dutchman, like he's not gonna even be willing to raise your sunken ship, that's how bad it is

[fastcardotmp3]

tagged by my adored alex @gothbat99 to do a little self-love moment 🥹💛

rules: post five of your favorite fics that you've written and talk about why you love them. tag some mutuals so they can do the same and we can all spread some positivity about our writing ❤️

✨someone else's favorite song - 120k | rated E - I swing wildly on the pendulum between loving this fic for all that it is and wanting desperately to Fix It, but lately I've felt a lot of pride in this thing, warts and all. I went into this one thinking I was the extent of the audience for it and let the stream of consciousness muscle pull it out of me without much forethought, but ended up finding so much connection to the people reading it who felt seen or understood in some way in their own grieving processes. No matter where I am on the pendulum of feelings about this story, I am never not grateful that my own little catharsis has been able to create a sort of 'not aloneness' every time someone is kind and courageous enough to share their own stories with me in the comments 💛

✨that's just wasteland, baby! - 19k | rated E - I started writing this entirely because at the time I couldn't find any fics that really dived into what an apocalyptic Hawkins setting might look like and I wanted to READ it more than anything. It's so slice-of-life in that world and I had really so much fun building up the rules of the world and the dynamics between characters still in the fight but settled to an extent within a new normal to the point where even Steve can't even remember how long they've been doing it. 'the world ended but we're still going' is one of my favorite premises of all time and this universe is one I'm genuinely SO proud of without any equivocation about it UGH

✨how the light gets in - 29k (wip series) | rated T-E - if there are going to be one million and one versions of kas!Eddie (including my own) there HAS to be a kas!Chrissy and by god if I have to do it myself I WILL. Wheelingham is one of those things that just smacked me in the face one day when I realized the unending potential of taking a fridged girl, bringing her back to life, and making her kiss the final girl, like... COME ON. This series is a labor of love and it's truly such a joy to do a proper character study on two girls who have so much untapped potential built into their psyches. they're my babies I am holding them gently in my hands and never letting go :(((

✨METAMORPHOSES - 160k | rated E - I think of everything I've written for ST, this might be the thing that's most structurally sound writing-wise, like it's long enough that there are definitely spots it could use smoothing, but I am genuinely so proud of how it turned out and how it told the exact story I set out to tell. I love these characters, I love their little house in Indy, I love the ways they grow and regress in tandem, I LOVE THEM YOUR HONOR. Never has a vision I had at the start ended up feeling So Right to this extent and I will never stop screaming about this fic just you try to stop me 💚🐍

✨The Hawk - 10k (wip series) | rated T - "The Bear" AU that no one asked for but which I am wholly and completely enamored with only 2 'episodes' in. Another chance at a Nancy-centric story with the added bonus of getting to write so many POVs of a larger ensemble? Incoming Ronance and Lumax and Steddie and Jargyle?? Wheeler sibling dynamic exploration?? it's my DREAM tbh and it's surprisingly simple to slot our ST characters into this wildly different world because you know what! At the end of the day it's all just about family isn't it!!! UGH. Once I'm done with writing (redacted) trust that I will be launching myself back into this one full-force, I've got so many plans and I can't wait to show you all more of this world

(if you've already been tagged apologies but also) tagging! @kkpwnall @fragilecapric0rnn @judasofsuburbia @gideoncharov @figthefruitfaeth @cheatghost @stargyles @capriciouslyterminal @sharpbutsoft @hellsfireclub

[prettygirls-grave]

creating my dream life⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚

(part 1)

why?

why do you want to change? why do you want this "dream life?' why do you want to become an architect, or have all A's, or change your mindset? why do you feel happy doing certain things? knowing the why is the key to life. go through things you love or things you hate and ask yourself why!

using myself as an example, i scroll for hours because it distracts my from my negative thoughts and replaces crying on my bed because i'm so lazy with living vicariously through people who are able to push past lack of discipline. this answers my "why am i addicted to my phone?"

another- why do i want to change my lifestyle? because i'm consistently dissatisfied and disappointed in myself for never reaching my full potential, and i yearn and anguish over the life i could be living which causes a spiral of depression (lol) i don't want to live a life i hate!!!!!!

what do you want?

establish what you want. you may have a clear picture, or not even the faintest idea. sit and reflect upon what truly makes you happy and brings fulfillment to your life. you can find shadow work or journal prompts online, or i'd be happy to make a list if you'd like!

→ me (current)

be proficient in tennis

learn to play the guitar

speak fluent italian, croatian, and beginner french

learn cyrillic alphabet

practice drawing, painting, designing, etc

write often

read often

journal often

exercise consistently

spent time outdoors biking, walking, skating, etc

practice meditating

improve on my anxiety (work on ignoring negative thoughts, not allow others to dictate how i feel, feel confident and relaxed)

create some sort of social media to serve as an outlet for my creativity

finish highschool with an IB diploma

build up my own creative portfolio

spend time researching and preparing university

win an essay competition

that's basically my master list of things i can accomplish in a foreseeable time frame.

manifestation

you can accomplish whatever you dream of. for me, i have so many future desires of what i want my life to look like, that i just need to get it out. these are basically just a ton of affirmations of my desires. some of this might seem ridiculous, but this post is more for myself to revisit more than for public use, but if it helps you, enjoyyy!

i am in my dream university with 100% paid scholarship

i am extremely well read and educated

i know exactly what i want out of my education and career

i love what i’m studying

i picked the perfect major for me

i have so many amazing opportunities in every aspect of my life

i have an amazing, fulfilling, affluent career

i attract wealth and money

i am part of so many creative projects

i am scouted for magazine/photo shoots, short films, music, interviews, modelling, movies, brands, career, travel, and academic opportunities

i am incredibly successful in everything that i am spontaneously scouted for

i am talented at everything i try

i am able to learn easily and am consistently motivated

i am naturally gifted in art, music, sports, cooking, dance, design, and all subjects

i take time and enjoy practicing things i’m passionate about

i am passionate about my studies, my career, and my passions

i have an it girl status and live an it girl life

i easily obtain and succeed in anything i desire

i attract people with similar ambitions, passions, morals, and interests

i am surrounded by people who lift me up

i have a healthy, exciting, and fun friend group

i am well liked by all

i attract my dream partner

i am totally unique

i have my desired appearance and body

my life is filled with many spontaneous and wonderful events

i use my platforms to inspire my following

i am praised for my originality and intellect

my personal creative work is published

i live in my dream city

i am effortlessly beautiful, intelligent, creative, inspiring, passionate, and healthy

i am able to have intelligent conversations in any language i like

i am magnetic and unforgettable

i have built my exact desired life by the time i’m 25

i can afford anything i desire

i receive everything on my pinterest

i remind everyone of my pinterest boards

i have a distinct, unique aesthetic that everyone associates me with

i am able to change and flow through life withe ease

i am fulfilled

i love myself and my surroundings

i am confident and free

i love the people around me

i am grateful and proud of my beautiful life

i attract anything i desire

i am free from anxiety and depression

i don’t chase, i attract

i find clarity easily when my path is not clear

i do not live in fear or stress

this is the end of this post, and it'll continue on part 2 which'll be up on my profile shortly!!! i felt like it's better to split it up rather than have one massive post

[havoc-warband]

(@commanderhorncleaver) 📓 gimme one of these for everyone in the roster~

📓 Write a typical diary/journal page by your OC! (or if you’d rather not, describe their journal. Do they keep one, why?)

aight this is gonna be a novel and i am going to do it RIGHT. it's gonna be dated and in chronological order. and i'm gonna put everyone's years of birth in their roster blurb before posting this. good luck with the maths.

index:

1. Lorekeeper Apprentice Rhyfas, 1280 AE

2. Yurmia, 1319 AE

3. Cigna Shadowhaunter, 1322 AE

4. Vikaros Havocforge, 1324 AE

5. Tavryn Havocshield, 1325 AE

6. Scothin Dawnbloom, 1326 AE

7. Renfrac, 1328 AE

8. Akoviras Spitehavoc, 1333 AE

9. Sivris Crankhavoc, 1335 AE

1: Lorekeeper Apprentice Rhyfas' Journals (1280 AE)

Today was another fruitful day of studying under the Loremaster. I wish I could study without distractions, however, there is one obstacle to my efforts. At night, around the campfire, there is this handsome hunter, and whenever I am trying to tell the stories to the cubs, he listens so intently, that I feel as though he is my only audience. During the day, I can never find him, and whoever I ask, they tell me he is out hunting. Since he joined the hunters as apprentice, we have had significantly more feasts, and as a storyteller, those directly benefit me too, as I have more chances to practice my craft. I can’t help but wonder...

(rhyfas is a big romantic sap. he sees the world through pink glasses. especially at 17 still. yes that’s the husband)

2. A letter found in the dirt (1319 AE)

A letter, text vaguely smudged and paper crumpled, found half-buried on an old campsite. From some scattered symbols, you surmise that it was an Ash Legion warband’s camp. The coals from their cooking-fire are still warm.

Telra Tornfur,

I don’t know what you see in me. I’m bitter and vindictive, but you make me want to do better. Even within this warband, you have my back more times than you ought to. I can’t think of a single time you weren’t ready to fight with me.

You keep talking about going to find your cub. I want to join you. Let’s leave Razorfur’s shitty warband and start our own. I’ve heard stories of [smudged beyond legibilitty] where we can go and raise the kid. I bet you’d be a great mother. I’ve realized that I want to see that, and not die at the hand of some Flame scum’s mis-timed fireball.

Meet me at midnight on the top of the hill if you want this, too. I’ll be waiting for you.

Y

It’s still morning. The camp was evacuated in a hurry before night truly fell. There are signs of a Fire Legion attack. Telra likely never received this note.

3. Bullet Journal of Cigna Shadowhaunter, Vigil Warmaster (1322 AE)

New Charr recruit assigned to my unit. She has good magic and the willingness to use it. Great combat potential.

Has horrible nightmares and wakes up screaming in the night. Kalla says to just let her get used to it. She doesn’t want to say what she dreams about.

Stubborn but makes a good team fighter. Legions charr usually are like this. Kalla’s having a good time. Wants me to introduce her to the recruit. Maybe once she stops waking me up every other day.

(blunt and business-oriented. i don’t know how to bullet journal but i feel as though she’d have one. and she’d be the leader of her unit, to which yurmia gets assigned once the brand thing happens, so she needs to keep track of that. kalla’s advice and her intuition make her a good leader.)

4. Havoc Notebook (1324 AE)

A neat, leather-bound notebook. The word “HAVOC” is crudely scratched into the front. Despite the lack of apparent care, you feel furious pride seep out of the scratching.

We, Vikaros, Tavryn, Akoviras and Sivris declare ourselves Havoc. We are a Blood Legion Warband under Rytlock Brimstone.

Our fahrar was full of assholes. We kicked their asses and proved ourselves in combat against them, earning the right to be our own unit and proving our worth as such immediately. We will take down many more such unworthy mongrels at our superior’s command.

Signed,

V, T, A, S

(The mixture of crude language and the severity of the pledges on the first page send shivers down your spine. The second page has more words.)

Tribune Brimstone did not immediately agree with us on our forming a warband. He said we needed an extra member and some more experience to truly become a warband under his command.

As such, Akoviras has proposed a mission to retrieve a friend of their dam, called Yurmia, currently a Vigil warmaster. She will have the experience Rytlock claims we need.

(Vikaros, in this year, would not think to have something for his own self. An impersonal notebook from the perspective of the warband as an entity itself is the most he would do at this point. He did not see himself as fully separate from this entity. He is viciously proud of Havoc and the charr it comprises.)

5. Tavryn’s Personal Diary (1325 AE)

It’s a few months after Zhaitan’s death, and the band is back in Lion’s Arch for the weekend, to celebrate another successful mission, this time dispatching a lieutenant of the Crystal Dragon. Vikaros wasn’t too sure about this one - Rytlock, while they were still on speaking terms, had told him a story about fighting Kralkatorrik itself, I think to reinforce that as a warband, we needed to be cohesive and always able to trust each other. I think this because he had us do trust falls every day for a week afterwards.

Regardless, the story itself did not have a good ending. I think Vik may have been fearing something similar would happen here, but the Pact and the local Sentinels’ gear proved reliable and strong, and we took the miserable thing out of the sky and put it into the ground. Great fanfare all around, everyone saluting us, offering us free food and drink...

We need to pay attention not to lose sight of ourselves. This treatment, I’ve seen it happen in the Citadel, it leads to superiors losing their edge, becoming complacent, getting killed being careless. We should take care to not end up the same. Not that it isn’t nice: it’s a step up from our days bunking in the Chantry. I can’t help but to share some of my food every time I see an orphan in the streets, though, begging only feet from where a feast is being served to those who are perceived to deserve it.

Once we have more time free, I need to look into them, where they all sleep at night, how I can help them.

(ol’ Lawful Good Tavryn, at this point still very bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, thinking she can save the whole world if she just had enough time. she writes very elaborately, carefully putting her whole thought to the page, so they can’t be misinterpreted. she’s the only one who actually calls her diary a diary.)

6. Scothin Dawnbloom’s Notes (1326 AE)

Today, we finished clearing out another peninsula from the Risen. Marshal Trahearne seemed happy, but tired. He is getting better at commanding us in the field, a task he previously left to his Commander. I wonder where he and his warband went, and why they left the Marshal behind. Or did the Marshal order them away? Then why did he look so miserable when-

Shouldn’t doubt the leaders. Do my part, only a leaf of the tree, etcetera. Can’t help but think he could use a friend, though.

(scothin’s written voice is half shorthand, half longer. he’s a little bit between tavryn-typical Moral Correctness of the Soldier and just plain honesty. he’s still a Dreamer here, as is Trahearne, and he’d be able to get some Vibes from him as such. his notebook is a bit raggedy but has a nice cover on it to protect it from most of the Orrian gunk.)

7. Renfrac’s To Do List (1328 AE)

- visit scoth. make sure he hasn’t grown fur or horns himself yet - make sure CDR isn’t going to hurt him - deliver MAH’s latest letter - figure out the weird dreams - shoot the nasty snake if it fucking dares to appear again (renfrac has a todo list. he uses abbreviations for stuff he doesn’t particularly care about. the fact that both of the points that have to do with his friend are above the point that is arguably more important, which is that he’s the only route of contact between Trahearne and Vikaros right now, is Telling. he ditches the shorthand when he gets agitated.)

8. Scribbles into a tree near the quarters of Akoviras Spitehavoc (1333 AE)

YAHUK, LUCCIA, ELEXUS TRAITORS ONCE FRIENDS YOUR MEMORY TAINTED BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

(akoviras was perhaps the most outgoing of them all during their fahrar days, and met several other young charr with equally much free time on their hands. ako was very sad to reunite with several of them on the wrong side of a battlefield during the Jormag debacle, but did what they had to. they don’t do journals or diaries much, and rarely display much emotion at all, but even they need an outlet sometimes, and then that often becomes their claws into the nearest bark. they’ll return to this tree later to find wilted flowers underneath it, and more scribbled names.)

9. Sivris Crankhavoc’s Canthan Tech Study Book (1335 AE)

Jade Tech: works off dragon magic? which aspect? all of them

how to harness safely? ask yurmia for tuned crystals. -> failed, exploded in my face

guide through pipe torus to preserve?

pray to the fucking gods what is this goddamn shit

yao’s notes: special chemical to preserve jade power charge: [illegible symbol scribbles] (thank you yao, remember to buy dinner as thanks)

design new jade charr-shaped foot... base off human leg design? no, need more power, support more weight, bigger jumps

ask taimi how she did her asura-shaped suit.

(sivris gets a me-style work-in-progress notebook. this is my note style while i’m figuring out a code thing i’m not entirely certain about yet. who’s she designing a leg for?)

[xprojectrpg]

Moment of Awesome - Namor/The Sub-Mariner: When Namor encounters Jay in the Chapel, the King is able to discuss his lost kingdom, and potential opportunities for the younger man.

"You havin' any luck with yer home?" He asked, slightly more gently.

"No," he said flatly, "as of yet," was added more softly. "There have been traces. Histories." And that was apparently enough there, as Namor's eyes pivoted to Jay's laptop. "And you? Tell me of your great tasks."

Jay rolled his eyes there. "I ain't sure you can call it great tasks, Namor," he said, using the name in a casual way that truly spoke of how he did not know the other man as a King. "Mostly just tryin' to get everything settled for a clinic, but all that means is bein' persistent with insurance companies who're all vultures of course and tryin' to find people to staff it at the moment." Technically the staffing wasn't Jay's problem, but he had been communicating with the insurance companies as he technically was executive secretary on the project.

A nod. "This age is full of foolish administrative obstacles. But," and he shuddered, just a little, "Bureaucracy. I myself am suited for more direct paths toward resolution. Have you tried destroying these insurers? Tempting them with what they hold most dear?"

"I think what they hold most dear is money and I've been given access to plenty of that to wave around. It's just seein' whose worth givin' it to," Jay said. "And I ain't never been much of a fighter. I like to talk things over when I can."

"I do not see much of a difference," Namor said. "Effective words are often a sparring match between equal opponents." He gave a glance toward the basement entrance. "As is knowing how to swim and breathe at once. Do you often spend your time here?"

"Wouldn't you if you had access to something so beautiful?" Jay asked. He paused. "Do you not hear it sing?"

The once king turned back, and his expression had suddenly lost all goodwill or humanity. They were now a pair of predator's eyes, devoid of all but sharp interest. "Tell me what you hear," Namor said.

Jay wasn't sure how to describe it so instead he harmonized with it for Namor, letting the other man hear what he heard. There weren't any lyrics, just an almost mournful tune.

"Enough." It was a whispered command. "That is enough," he said again, but this time there was something pleading at its edges. Namor studied the youth like he was considering pinning him to a board.

Jay stopped at the pain in Namor's voice. Was what he heard something from his friend's lost home? "I'm sorry," he said, sympathizing with the hurt Namor showed.

"It has been recorded that everyone perceives the wormhole uniquely," the Atlantean said. The surety behind his tone was reflected in the way he stiffened, walling any of his momentary weakness behind fact. "Is it always the same song, for you?"

"Not always, but I reckon most of it's likely from the same place. Why?" Jay asked, even though he was beginning to have his own suspicions.

"Let us just say it reminds me of something from long ago." Namor gestured in slight dismissal. "Of course, I doubt the wormhole's song can compare to the resonating crystal acoustics of my home. Still," and he leaned in a little, "we have not had someone describe the anomaly in such a way."

"How'd you describe it?" Jay asked, curious.

The look Jay received was blunt enough to indicate Namor's desire to offer more (none), but he did offer a pivot. A confessional diversion. "The wormhole speaks to me like a pressure. A weight."

Weight of his whole culture, maybe. The weight of being away so long.

"So how d'ya monitor it anyways?" Jay asked, trying to offer Namor something to show him instead. Also, he couldn't deny he was curious and wanted to see the wormhole again too. "Maybe ya can show me what all the readin's mean or something."

It didn't take any prodding at all.

"The dred machinations of our science corps do most of the work," Namor said, "but we stand watch as they do their work." He gave a wave, then, and moved toward the basement. "Anyone can learn to stand sentry. Follow me."

Jay followed obediently, glad to be of help. Maybe this sort of monitoring would give him some sense of stability in the wind he felt he'd been caught in. "You just show me what to do."

"I will instruct you at my pleasure," Namor sneered. "But. Follow."

[calespsychoticbubble]

There is just so much.

To say that is an understatement. There is truly just so much going on in my life at this time that there are some days where my life does not feel like my own. I wouldn't say it's necessarily a bad thing, but it does get overwhelming at times.

Working full time has been such a blessing these past few years, and I'm glad that I have never been without work. And my job has been great despite any challenges. I've learned a lot about what I want to do in my work and where my strengths come in handy. I've gradually built relationships with some staff members and I have grown more comfortable being myself at work. The security I feel knowing my job will be there year after year has given me a lot of peace and it came at just the right time. After almost four years of work, I forget that I started in a very different place and being here is something I'm very grateful for. At the same time, work is tiring. It's relentless, Monday to Friday (although it's a blessing I don't work on weekends), and as an introvert I give a lot of energy to serve my colleagues and my students. And with so many other things going on outside of work, I find myself distracted, thinking about everything else on my plate. During those times, I am not giving my best effort.

It's why, even though I am quite occupied, I try not to work on my masters course while I am at work. Splitting my attention during the work day has not been very effective and I would prefer to do one thing at a time. That means, when I get home, I do have to take time each evening to do course work. That might be reading, writing a response, filming a video (for my current class), responding to others, researching for projects, etc. I try to be diligent and stay ahead of the schedule so that I have buffer days for when I can't make time or I get sick (which did happen earlier this year), so there are days where I can have two or three hours of work. Fortunately, my fiance also has work to do in the evenings so we tend to spend many days a week just working in the same space, but we still try to make time to talk and engage in hobbies together. I am grateful that I get to study while working, as my courses are related to my work, but balancing the two takes some care that I get tired of doing. God has been very gracious in giving me time when I need it, so I haven't handed in anything late or missed assignments, but the mental exhaustion of it is hard.

On top of those things, I am also engaged and planning a wedding. My fiance and I discussed for a while before getting engaged, so it's not like it was a surprise, but I guess I forgot how much work planning a wedding can be. We take an hour or so each week to do wedding-related things, sometimes more if we can, but it's slow work that sometimes sparks disagreement. My fiance and I mostly debate about how to do things (I want it efficient, he wants it (as close to) perfect), and the frustration comes from that. Not that our disagreements have been terrible, but we do get into debates and need to reset because we're losing sight of the original question. I wish things could be done faster sometimes, but both of us do have a lot going on and I'm trying to be patient and gracious in these moments.

And as if that weren't enough, my fiance is now applying to jobs and wondering if we should relocate for a few years. We've been talking about this for at least a month or so when he first started doing interviews, and I said that I would be fine if it was short term (under 5 years), abroad was fine if it was only one or two years, but we would have to discuss seriously if it was really an option. And lo and behold, he might get an offer from a job in another city in Canada. It's been stressful for him going through all these job interviews, but his efforts have proved fruitful as he not only has that job offer potentially on the way, but potentially two others as well. With all these potential options on our table, we've been talking for days trying to figure out what to do. Do we stay where we've been for five years and just keep living as we have been, even though the job here is not as interesting or helpful for his career? Or do we take a risk and move to another city where we don't know anyone, don't have our community, but would be aligned with his research interests and would be a great first step for his career? Albeit, my fiance has said the move would only be temporary, and we would only stay in that city as long as we liked it/were called to stay. If even after a year it's not working, we would leave. Those thoughts might be idealistic, but I would want it to be short term because of the community we have here already. Through much discussion and some tears, as we spoke to my parents about these options and they gave their perspective and advice, we are still undecided, partially because we are waiting for official offers from these companies.

With all of this going on, it truly is so much. I don't know if it's all supposed to happen at once, but this is what is happening in my life. I never planned to be this busy and this packed, but here I am. I always said I wasn't going to plan a wedding while I was still in school, but now I'm planning a wedding while working and doing school. Life is so crazy sometimes and there's just so much to think about. I've been praying about it in my daily devotions and journaling, and my fiance has also been praying on his own, and we've also been praying together to see where God will lead us. Are we called to stay? To leave? Is it time for me to take a pause in my work to focus on my studies and support my fiance in his first career job?

All of this might be answered in the next couple weeks as the offers come in, so we are continuing to pray and ask some of the older figures in our lives on what to do. I pray that God would lead us to make the decision that would best glorify Him and aligns with His plan for us.

[cybersecurity-tips]

Unlock Your Potential: Experience the Benefits of Vitamin B3 Supplements

Welcome to a world where vitality and wellness intersect, and every step you take brings you closer to optimal health. Are you ready to embark on a journey towards enhanced energy, improved metabolism, and overall well-being? Say hello to Vitamin B3 supplements—the secret weapon in your quest for peak performance and vitality. Join us as we delve into the transformative benefits of Vitamin B3 supplements, why they're a must-have addition to your daily routine, and how they can help you unlock your full potential.

Introduction: Elevate Your Health with Vitamin B3 Supplements

Picture this: You wake up feeling refreshed and energized, ready to tackle the day ahead with vigor and enthusiasm. With the help of Vitamin B3 supplements, you can make this dream a reality. Also known as niacin, Vitamin B3 is a water-soluble vitamin that plays a crucial role in supporting energy metabolism, promoting cardiovascular health, and enhancing cognitive function. By supplementing your diet with Vitamin B3, you can supercharge your vitality, boost your immunity, and elevate your overall quality of life.

The Benefits of Vitamin B3 Supplements

Enhanced Energy Production: Vitamin B3 is a key component of the body's energy production process, helping to convert carbohydrates, fats, and proteins into usable energy. By supporting efficient energy metabolism, Vitamin B3 supplements can help combat fatigue, increase endurance, and improve overall energy levels, allowing you to power through your day with ease and confidence.

Heart Health Support: Vitamin B3 has been shown to have positive effects on cardiovascular health, including helping to lower cholesterol levels, reduce inflammation, and improve blood vessel function. By promoting healthy circulation and reducing the risk of heart disease, Vitamin B3 supplements can help support a healthy heart and reduce the risk of cardiovascular complications.

Brain Function and Cognitive Health: Vitamin B3 plays a vital role in maintaining optimal brain function and cognitive health. Studies have shown that Vitamin B3 supplementation may help improve memory, concentration, and overall cognitive performance, making it an essential nutrient for maintaining brain health and preventing age-related cognitive decline.

Skin Health and Appearance: Vitamin B3 has been shown to have beneficial effects on skin health and appearance. From reducing inflammation and redness to improving skin texture and tone, Vitamin B3 supplements can help promote healthy, radiant skin from the inside out. Whether you're struggling with acne, eczema, or signs of aging, Vitamin B3 supplements offer a natural and effective solution for achieving a clear, glowing complexion.

Testimonials from Vitamin B3 Enthusiasts

"Since incorporating Vitamin B3 supplements into my daily routine, I've noticed a significant improvement in my energy levels and overall well-being. I no longer feel sluggish or fatigued during the day, and I have the energy and vitality to pursue my passions and tackle my goals with confidence. Plus, knowing that Vitamin B3 is supporting my heart health and cognitive function gives me peace of mind knowing that I'm taking proactive steps towards a healthier, happier future." — Emily, Vitamin B3 Enthusiast

"As someone who struggles with acne-prone skin, I've tried countless skincare products over the years with little success. However, since starting to take Vitamin B3 supplements, I've noticed a remarkable improvement in my skin's clarity, texture, and overall appearance. Not only has my acne cleared up, but my skin also looks brighter, smoother, and more youthful than ever before. Vitamin B3 supplements have truly transformed my skin from the inside out, and I couldn't be happier with the results." — Jack, Vitamin B3 Enthusiast

Unlock Your Potential: Try Vitamin B3 Supplements Today

Don't let fatigue, poor circulation, or skin concerns hold you back from living your best life. With Vitamin B3 supplements by your side, you can unlock your full potential, boost your energy, support your heart health, and achieve radiant, glowing skin from within. Try Vitamin B3 supplements today and experience the transformative power of optimal nutrition. Your body will thank you, your mind will thank you, and your future self will thank you for taking proactive steps towards a healthier, happier life.

"Ready to make a change? Our website provides step-by-step guides to help you get started."

[seelestia]

talent: impersonating my husband yes lia i am maDLY IN LOVE with this man ofc i would study everything about him and yes listening to his voicelines for at least twice a week is categorized as 'character study' ok- i am looking forward to the day where you start talking all noble-like and with hidden meanings /j

ofc i will love you either way sweetie *pat pat* your chaotic nature is what makes you lovable. zhongli might not share the same opinion but he gotta live with it i mean he married into the family so yknow he did it to himself lmao- 

"i think your friends are six feet under tho" I'M CRYING OF LAUGHTER LSKJLFJDLKSFKDJLFJLDKSDKLJFS

odelia hu tau + venti kin confirmed? 🤔

that mini capitalism jab lmao- the potential of angst is big for that love triangle scenario jhsdhfjhsd

ex!fatui!ayato will be your nightmare. he'll haunt you as long as he still has yet to move on ;;;;

divide and conquer, truly a wise strategy. i haven't touched the side quests yet. one day. perhaps after my vacation lol oh yes i will probably be MIA till 4 oct so don't get worried if i don't reply till then!! :3

YES thank you!! i mean as long as i can survive solo-ing raiden with my shieldbot zhongli i am already content lol my brother loves building characters and he has the time to farm + optimize his builds so yeahhh (plus zhongli is one of his most favorites, so he put a lot of effort to build him lmao)

i have not caught up on enkanomiya lore ;w; but i saw lin's latest arts and lsdjflsjdfk HE IS ADORABLE PLS I AM ADOPTING HIM HE IS NOW MY CHILD /J

he is soooo good aaaa i should have joined a few months earlier so i could have pulled for him ;;; hyv pls we need a rerun pls pls pls pls-

if scara and al haitham are put in the same banner then perhaps i need to summon my elemental burst:

the sacred credit card

/hj

yeah, ngl childe is... i mean... he's cute. wouldn't mind having him in my team, yknow :D

i heard someone said before that they might give us a free dori so i'm crossing my fingers lol

also huggggsss

rin jie, there you are! your writing blog just got shadowbanned, didn't it?? no wonder i haven't seen you around in my notifs 😭 i was just about to drop by your inbox out of concern <//3

BUT most importantly, tumblr. what beef do you have with rin jie, huh??? 🤨🤺 at least, tell her a reason why 😭 i'm so sorry this is happening to you again, rin jie, especially for the third time... aaaa, you do not deserve this at all <3 are you gonna try emailing them again?? i sincerely hope there won't be too much traffic this time, i'm hoping for the best 😭

listening to characters' voicelines as a character study and a reason to simp is SOOO TRUE. i feel especially exposed after replaying the events just to play trial ayato and then opening youtube to hear his voicelines... and also how often he goes 'hehe' or chuckles in convos, uuuuu.

ayato wanters will be ayato havers! and it looks like you've got a lot on your list, good luck~ i pray you do not have to resort to your elemental burst because what if there's not enough money to put food in the fridge that month (/j) 👀 atp, for genshin players, the best thing someone can wish us is "i hope you win your 50/50" 🤝 also, ngl, i kinda agree with you on warming up to ajax because why is he kinda adorable in a way 😭

NO, FR. zhongli's shield is too good like i literally just fought azhdaha yesterday and my team came out unscathed and in full HP from that fight 😭 back when i didn't have grandpa, i had to tank with kokomi's heals to let my team survive <//3 i love kokomi tho, she's super pretty and her heals are a lifesaver!

hehe, well, i hope that i radiate venti and hu tao vibes??? 🤧 they have a connection with their light-heartedness and sense of humor, but they also have a serious/mature side to them when needed be — and i resonate with that! but wbu, rin jie?? do you have any characters that share your energy??? 👀

and i am giving you his adoption papers, this man is vv soft-shaped <3 AND OH, about enkanomiya's lore !! his profile is already finished and when i read back on it, i don't think it contains lore that spoils anything elaborate about enkanomiya itself — since lin's lore actually leans more towards the events of the cataclysm which i know you're familiar with, so i think you'll be safe reading his profile! >:)

[queerprayers]

So ik you have probably answered this question many times but I’ve been scrolling for a while and haven’t found any. I’m in a relationship with a Muslim man who I’ve motivated to practice his faith since I know he needed a little bit of motivation. I myself am a Christian woman and have practiced my faith the entire 5 years we’ve been together. As he studies more, he found out that if he doesn’t raise his children to follow Islam he’ll go to hell. I tried to let him know that if we were to have children, they’d have parents in a interfaith marriage and would understand our beliefs, why we believe, and how other faith systems aren’t “evil”. I am heartbroken that he believes he’ll burn in hell for this and he’s heartbroken that he feels he needs to leave without wanting too. It’s been 5 years and I truly believe God brought us together in our most trying times as pure strangers who began to light up one another’s world.

Hello, beloved! This sounds like a really hard situation and I hope the delay in my reply hasn't bothered you too much. I do want to say that, first of all, I don't think I'm quite qualified for this question, as I've never been in an interfaith relationship, don't have kids, and don't have detailed knowledge of Islamic beliefs. I would really encourage your husband to talk to other Muslims about this, because I know he's not alone in these questions. That said, I'll give you some thoughts since you asked.

Y'all sound like you have a beautiful relationship and I know that you can find a way to keep going and learn more about how to create a life together, including raising wonderful, faithful children if that's in your future! When it gets hard, remember what you just told me about God bringing you together, and how much it seems that you've already helped him in his faith journey. I can't promise everything will be perfect, or that you'll get a happily ever after, or anything like that. But I know this challenge isn't insurmountable, and with each other and God, I have faith you will find peace on this subject.

Children are a really important part of religious communities—they're the future of faith! From my meager research on the subject, it seems the most important thing in Islam is to raise your child to know God. This is also an important Christian value! There's so much common ground between your religions, and I encourage you to think about those similar values and practices, and how you could pass those things on to a child.

I think lots of interfaith content is about how similar we all truly are and how we all pray to the same God, and obviously there's a lot of truth in that, but I think it masks some of the real differences in faiths, and how there isn't an easy answer when the official teaching of someone's faith is that it is inherently more true/holy than other faiths. The truth is that there is no orthodox way to be both Christian and Muslim, but there are communities that recognize that people don't always have ties to only one religion, and in a lot of places there are interfaith schools and worship spaces. Y'all are not alone in this, and there are many people in your situation who want to be faithful but also respectful to their partner.

Your partner obviously cares a lot about you and God, and would care immensely for a potential future child, and this is a beautiful thing. He's studying and becoming more faithful, and he's learning about different ideas—these are all good things! But that doesn't take away from the fact that you would also be a parent, and your ideas and faith matter a lot. Especially because you're a woman, and a lot of traditional ideas around marriage would place your partner as the head of religious beliefs, please continue to stand up for your own faith, even when they contradict his! We need more strong religious women! Make room for his faith, but honor yours too.

Also, remember that your child would be a human being who will grow into an adult with full agency! Raising a child with a certain religion does guarantee they will practice that their whole life. They might grow up to be Buddhist! Creating that baseline of values like justice and love is, in my opinion, more important than any orthodox teaching. It doesn't matter how much a kid goes to church or the mosque if they don't know how to love and how to make their own decisions.

I think it really matters what "raising a child as Muslim" means to him, and whether that means the child cannot also participate in other practices. To me, it seems that an important part of passing on a religion to children is the passing on of culture. Especially in times/places where a religion is marginalized, preserving a way of life can be immensely important. Raising a child in Islam sounds like it's as much about culture and community as it is about belief.

There are so many ways to be Muslim, just like there are so many ways to be Christian, and you both may have to find new ways to exist in your faith. It sounds like there will have to be compromise in your relationship, but the fact that you're already thinking about this means that by the time a child may come around, you will have done so much work already. Any child would be immensely lucky to grow up in a home that cares so much about them.

Obviously I come from a Christian perspective, but I find that any action that is done only out of a fear of damnation does not produce good decisions. I'd encourage your partner to think about other ways to approach the situation than fear. What's important to him about his religion and culture that he thinks are worth passing on to a child? How will learning about Islam help a child become a loving member of society and empower them to make good decisions? I know a lot of people who were raised to do certain things because otherwise they'd go to Hell, and it introduced a lot of fear and trauma into their childhoods. Of course I can't tell anyone how to practice their religion, and Hell is central to a lot of people, but raising a child a certain way out of fear does not seem like the best way to me.

Rabia of Basra, an eighth-century Sufi mystic, said "O, Allah, if I worship You for fear of Hell, burn me in Hell, and if I worship You in hope of paradise, exclude me from Paradise. But if I worship You for Your Own sake, grudge me not Your everlasting Beauty." (x) These verses have really stayed with me, and helped me make decisions for their own sake, not from fear or an obsession with the afterlife.

I also want to say that there are always so many ways to interpret/follow religious texts/teachings, and as a queer person, I have always had to investigate beyond the obvious/traditional. There are Muslims who teach that someone will go to Hell if their children aren't Muslim, and it may even be the main teaching (I honestly don't know for sure), but that doesn't mean that's the only way. There are many Muslims who have raised their children in interfaith families, so he would not be alone if he disagreed with that teaching. Obviously he's perfectly welcome to believe whatever he likes, but it sounds like this wasn't part of his faith until more recently. One of the things I've learned is sometimes learning why something has been traditionally taught always brings me clarity. Was homosexuality taught to be a sin in the Hebrew Bible because God hates it, or because it disrupted family structures and didn't promote procreation, therefore hindering the survival of Judaism? Is raising children Muslim a requirement because God doesn't want kids to learn about any other faiths, or because God wants Islam to continue in future generations, and wants children to be taught values of love, justice, and faith? (That wasn't a rhetorical question—I don't know the answer. But it's an important question.)

I've included some links to resources and perspectives that may be useful to you, and I hope I've at least given you something to think about! We can't control others' faiths, even our partner's and ultimately not our children's—all we can do is be with them as they grow into their faiths. As people change, our relationships with them change, and this can be painful and frustrating, but when we stick with them and make compromises and listen, these can often be the most beautiful relationships of our lives.

Questions you both can think about: What's important to you? What sacrifices are you willing to make? Why do you want to pass on your faith to a child? What parts of your faith/culture do you feel are most (and least) important to share with a child? What reasons besides fear do you have for continuing in faith? Will you allow your life some room beyond the official/orthodox beliefs of your religion/organization, especially for those you love? Would you love and support a child if they grew up to be a different faith than either of you?

I wish you both all the best, and I have a lot of hope for the future if even some of this generation's kids are brought up with the love that y'all have. Whatever way your future family experiences God, God will be with you all. Trust yourselves and God. There is more for your future than a fear of Hell, and more ways to be faithful than you can imagine.

When Muslims and Christians Marry (America Magazine)

What happens when you fall in love across the religious divide? (The Guardian)

Muslims for Progressive Values—Interfaith Families

When Muslims Intermarry (The Interfaith Observer)

I'm Christian, My Husband is Muslim—Here's How We Are Raising Our Kids (Thought Catalog)

We're raising our child as both Christian and Muslim (BBC)

I am both Muslim and Christian (The Seattle Times)

<3 Johanna

[eggplantgirlwonder]

Being a Clint Barton Fan is like Being That One Beatles Fan Who Is Constantly Trying to Tell You About Ringo's First Solo Album

Picture this internet. Sicily, 1912... Okay. It's 2012. The first Avengers movie has come out in theaters. Marvel Comics turns to a man named Matt Fraction and goes, "Yo, we need to do a cash-grab on this movie. Write us a limited series about the archer guy or something, okay? But, like, it's just Clint Barton, he shoots a paleolithic weapon at literal gods and aliens, no need to go crazy over it or anything." And Matt Fraction was like, "Say no more, chief. I hear exactly what you’re asking for. *WINK*"

Cut to the 2012-2015 Hawkeye series being one of the most critically acclaimed and beloved comic runs in recent history. It makes you deeply care about 2 different characters named Hawkeye, neither of whom are Alan Alda. Fraction’s work plays with non-linear storytelling, explores and plays with visual media to produce issues told entirely from the perspective of a dog’s sense of smell and spent over a year studying and working with the deaf community to accurately depict American Sign Language in a visual format. There’s a Hurricane Sandy issue that I love to death; a Paw Patrol parody; the greatest use of censored nudity in all of comic books. Basically, it's got everything you could want: pathos, violence, PIZZA DOG, and a surprising amount of bros in tracksuits. So understandably, the people reading this series are like, "Wow! I sure love Clint Barton, human disaster and master archer. The potential of this character has been explored in ways I'd never have expected given I have only been exposed to him in a movie series that brainwashed him for 80% of his screen time! Can't wait to see how they explore this character in the new Avengers movie coming out in 2015 with all this source material to pull from!"

Enter Joss Whedon. Who is like, "Haha, bitch, you thought." Age of Ultron gives Clint Barton more screen time than he’s ever had before! … And it gives him a farm (?) and a family (??), and looks at you and is like, "That's - that's what you wanted, right?" The narrative explanation to transform Barton away from his comic origins into a family man is justified by Whedon with an argument that is something along the lines of, "The characters needed to be reminded of what they were fighting for with Clint’s wife and kids." Because, as we all know, super heroes regularly forget that people exist by giving birth to others, and also that people tend to love one another, and that’s why it'd really suck if the world ended when you could do something about it.

(This specific narrative complaint against Age of Ultron is understandably forgotten in the face of Whedon's other more egregious narrative sin, which was to take the Only Girl on the team and transform her character motivation from the previous movie which was, "I am a solitary agent, wary of love and companionship because I have murdered, like, A LOT of people and my redemption can only come through self-work," into a super fun "I am not a full person because I can't give you babies and it's going to take a man to make me realize there might be a better way." Which, like, I'm not saying that Whedon took that route with Natasha's character as a way to work out his rage that ScarJo became pregnant during filming, complicating stunt work, buuuuuuuuut. I look at his track record with previous pregnant actresses - hi Charisma Carpenter - and similar character assassination and go, "HM." Allegedly.)

But I digress. Movie-Clint Barton is a family man, and not a down-on-his-luck, New York neighborhood Robin Hood just trying his best. Any influence from the Fraction comics, or literally any prior piece of comic media featuring him is unlikely to be explored within the movie universe. Horrible goblin people, like me, who can only self-produce dopamine for fictional men if they are human disasters (and wear purple) are disappointed, but resigned to this "clearly gonna be killed off some day" family man fate for the character.

But the series progresses, and Clint Barton escapes death somehow. And now we are here. And somehow. 9 years later. We are getting a Hawkeye TV series. And the trailer has a tracksuit mafia. A Hamilton-parody about Steve Rogers. A truly impressive amount of footage of idiot-humans-named-Clint-and-Kate causing themselves thoroughly reckless bodily harm. THERE’S A DOG I STRONGLY SUSPECT LIKES PIZZA. So I stand before you shouting into the internet ether to please love my idiot archers because I think we are finally, finally getting a fraction of Fraction. Please watch it (or preferably pirate it, because the House of Mouse is corporate creative cancer, but whatever) and let me have a lot of feeling at you, friends.

[sugiwa]

honestly, sugiwa-chan, i think that izumi "replacing" (or taking the place of) hagekure in class 1 a is accurate. idek what horikoshi's idea was; i mean, an invisible hero (in training) is a cool concept and has many pros, but... there are soooo many loopholes in hagekure's story, that it just kinda makes sense for her to be in a general studies class rather than a hero course. i mean, it's cool that she's a hero and all and she's a great character, but her quirk isn't exactly the type to get accepted to the hero course, you know? like in the entrance exam, how did she even make it into class 1 a? shinsou said that if u didn't have a physical-type quirk, it was really hard for u to make it into class 1a. so how did she get more points than shinsou and make it into the hero course? that is a major loophole in and of its own. another loophole i found is in the sports festival arc, where hagekure goes to round two by scoring more points than aoyama in the obstace course. how could she have possibly gotten more points than aoyama and progressed? i mean yeah aoyama's quirk has major drawbacks, but... there's no way; no offense to her but her quirk is kinda useless when it comes to physical stuff. she's shown to have her own team in the second round, but monoma's team ends up taking her team's headband. i swear, most of hagekure's character is very mysterious and secretive... i was ranting to my friend about this the other day, and she was like "who knows? under her invisibility quirk she could be buff but we'll never know"... as u can tell i am very curious about this and think all of this involving hagekure's character is crazy. so yeah, i think that it's a great idea to put hagekure in the general studies course; it kinda makes more sense. what's ur opinion on this? have u also ever felt frustrated about the loopholes around hagekure's character???

anyways... i'm soooooo excited for the villain au!!! the others are right, you truly deserve an award for doing this. istg, u r sooooo underrated! ur writing is actually sooooo good and u update so often! ur cliffhangers keep me at the edge of my seat and ur story is like my source of happiness now! whenever i'm feeling down all i have to do is go to ao3 and go to ur story and read some of the fluff and it automatically makes me 1000% happier! thank u for creating this beautiful au!!!

Sugiwa: I think Hagakure is woefully under utilized by Horikoshi. He kinda just uses her for some comic relief and to increase the tension surrounding the traitor plot line. She has improved in the future, so I'm sure as a hero, she'd do great. I think during the entrance exam, it would've made sense for her to have more rescue points, as she could pull people from danger, but we'll never really know. I do also wonder how she passed the Sports Festival and am hoping to see if what Horikoshi does with the traitor plot will address this. She has a lot of potential, but we never see the full extent. Also, why is she naked??!!! When Mirio's quirk is made with his DNA, Hagakure's should be as well.

Hahaha, I don't think I'm underrated, I'm honestly surprised I have the number of fans I do. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story though!! It's super great to hear that it brings you a bit of happiness.

[thevindicativevordan]

So I've been rewatching the 'Reign of The Supermen' animated movie and the -'Young Justice' anikated series where I noticed that in one way or another, they referenced a pretty obscure and underrated character, in my opinion, Lori Lemaris, a mermaid who Superman dated in, like, the Silver Age, whether by a simple namedrop, a small piece of dailogue, or a straight up appearance, complete with a new character design (but no actual dialogue of her own if I remember correctly), (1/2)

Anonymous asked: I've only just discovered your tumblr a couple of days ago and I really liked your takes on different parts of Superman's mythos, from different members of his own hero family, to his rogues gallery, so I figured it'd be safe to ask you what are your thoughts on character, what's your take on them, stuff like that. (2/2)

Thanks! Nice to know I'm not just shouting into the void. Lori is one of those insane bits of Silver Age trivia people like to bring up now and again.

Superman dated a mermaid in college (and also another girl who was pretty much his cousin)! Wild! Lori is sort of the poster girl for "damn was Superman weird back then" callbacks. Also because the other Silver Age girlfriends look like his cousin and that's far too incesteus to address even post-Game of Thrones. Frank Miller of all people brought her back for his terrible Superman: Year One where she was supposed to marry her father. Clark saved her from that fate and promised to be loyal to her always before bailing back to the surface if I remember correctly which is beautifully befitting a Silver Age callback.

Despite the mandate to get rid of the Pre-Crisis silliness, somehow Lori made the jump over to Post-Crisis intact? She was still Clark's college girlfriend except he didn't have a superhero identity in college. Think she ended up getting killed in Infinite Crisis which is so darkly ironic given what that event was all about and who wrote it. So Johns of all people was the one to kill her off for good seemingly.

Now I don't mind Clark and Lori dating although I prefer Livewire as Clark's college ex. Reason being that Lori is usually never played as anything but a gag or an in-joke. I recall that the Post-Crisis take did try to make it a more serious relationship, but that didn't really leave much impact. Overall Lori is like the Supermobile, brought back for laughs and a joke for those "in the know", but not truly respected as a valid part of Clark's world. Superman's world should take full advantage of aspects like Lori, weirdness in his world is a good thing in my estimate. Not sure how to differentiate her in terms of personality from the other love interests or what her romantic arc should be with Clark. Maybe something about how trying to hide your differences only stifles your potential? That and my ideas for his relationship with Leslie in college could form an interesting arc for why Clark settles on "Superman" as how he wants to use his gifts.

Personally I think Lori could work as an ongoing part of both Superman and Aquaman's world. Maybe you could have Lori be the Atlantean ambassador to America? She was originally a spy sent to study the surface for potential threats, but her time with Clark made her a fan of life up top. So she was the one they picked to run the Atlantean embassy in Metropolis or whatever. That would be a fun addition to the Metropolis supporting cast and a way to make the relationship with Clark "matter". Lois interviewing Lori would be a hoot at the very least!

[fayeimara]

Meant To Be Series || One For Every Billion

Episode 2. Next Time, Make it Up Twice

*Both Written and SMAU parts this episode*

"I'm in love with soba, oh my god!" You're still relishing the meal you just finished as you walk with Toshi and his friends to grab some boba.

Tendou chuckles, "I think you only like it because of that character in your favourite manga."

"ONE of my favourite mangas, thank you. But yes, he's so cute just quietly eating his soba for lunch. Like, I'd definitely love it just for him, but I did actually enjoy it."

Semi smiles at your excitement, "You should try it hot too, it's different."

"Yes, yes. Of course, I will at some point but I'm soo full right now I can't think of more food."

"Do you not want the boba, then?" Toshi looks over at you seriously but you're already smiling and shaking your head.

"Of course I do, that's not food, Toshi!"

"Oh okay. I'll help you pick something light if you want."

"Thank you!"

The door chimes as you walk into the shop but you pause just inside to check your phone when you feel its persistent buzzing. You had updated your twitter and your friends are giving you grief over the picture of your lunch. Yeah, yeah, you wanted to try it because you simp for icy hot boys, so what? It's good to try new things.

You're firing off a reply to their sarcastic (read: jealous) comments when the door chimes again and then you're stumbling because something just knocked into you.

"Ow- shit!" That's not your voice. You don't think you've made a sound but you don't recognize that yet.

What you do register first as you're falling forward is how you're grateful because it's definitely not the hard door that hit your back and head, and you're lucky because you really shouldn't have been standing right there. Then you realize you're about to fall on your face because your hands are frozen clutching your phone. Just as that thought flits through your head faster than your lack of a quick reaction, you strangely find yourself floating before you can face plant on the floor and thank god because, ew, germs. Also, potentially ouch.

You're a little thrown off so it takes you a moment to realize you didn't make like another one of the characters in that particular manga and develop a float quirk. No, there's a toned arm that's caught you around your waist and now you're more than just a little thrown off.

You're sure you're blushing in embarrassment as you're carefully set right side up and turn to apologize to the owner of the savior arm.

"I'm so sorry!" You hear an apology at the exact same time it flies from your own mouth and you pause because you're melting into chocolate eyes that are probably as wide as your own.

Wha- You're looking up into the face of an angel! But no, really, omg it's a seriously cute boy. And why do you want to touch his hair??

He does look like he's genuinely sorry but his face relaxes as both your eyes hold and he smiles (quite charmingly), before calmly responding first "It's my fault, so I really am sorry for knocking you over, pretty girl. I was walking backwards and didn't see you there."

You raise your eyebrows, stuck on that for a second and accidentally blurting, "Who walks through a door backwards??" in genuine curiosity before your eyes widen, "I mean, no, but it's not your fault either! I'm the one that stopped right in front of said door, I really should have just moved up before checking my phone."

His hand reaches up to rub the back of his head in that way that really makes guys look cute when they're a little at a loss for words. At least that's what you think until he says, "Maybe we can make it up to each other, if you haven't ordered yet?"

"Oi!" An irritated voice calls out from behind him, "Can you let the rest of us in before you start flirting?!"

He lets out a light laugh before moving aside and two others cute guys enter. Like, what's with the air in Miyagi?!?

"Sorry Iwa-Chan, but I needed to make sure this angel didn't get hurt falling (for) because of me." He winks at you but you're a little lost in thought because you're thinking about how you like the way he talks. It's a little like he's singing at times and maybe it's because of his melodic voice but either way, it's pretty cute. You're going into overload and you have to consciously stop yourself from holding your hands to your cheeks. You really hope you're not still blushing, ugh.

You meet eyes with the intense one and like, hello, hi, I'm here for this vibe. The guy meets your eyes before quickly flicking his away. But then you swear he makes a conscious effort to bring them back to rest on yours and politely asks, "I hope you're okay?" You're smiling in reassurance when he adds, "This idiot is trouble on legs, so I'm sorry for him."

You burst out laughing and they're looking at you in surprise so you just shake your head and explain, "I think my friends have said the exact same words about me. No, we're all good, I really appreciate it."

And thank you, mother, for your own charming smile because all three boys blush but don't look away.

Point to pretty boy #1 though because he regains his composure the fastest and pouts, "Iwa-chan is so mean to me, angel, please don't listen to him. If I do accidentally cause trouble, I swear I'm good at making it up."

"I don't know if I can say the same?" You smirk but he grins.

"So let me make it up then, and buy you some boba?"

"Oikawa." Ah, there's Toshi, a little late for backup but you guess you did fine without a wingman.

Wait, wait. The pretty boy's smile dims and he's looking over your shoulder at where your cousin's voice came from. He's straightened up and his posture kind of yells belligerent attitude.

"Ushiwaka-chan. Tell me Miyagi isn't really this small." Wow, there's a bite in his words but like, you're liking it. What can you say? You're a fan of hidden depths.

"I am surprised to see you as well. Not as surprised as when I heard you truly chose another school over Shiratorizawa."

Okay, hmm, you're looking over at the friend he called Iwa and he's rolling his eyes, so clearly there's tension.

The pretty guy, who you're guessing is Oikawa, drops his smile completely. "Well, that was fast. Nice chat, but if you'll excuse me, I was in the middle of a conversation with a new friend."

"You know Y/n?" Toshi's at your side now and sounds pretty surprised but it's not as amusing as your new friend's reaction when he looks back and forth between the two of you in a sort of disbelieving realization. What dots is he connecting, exactly? Because, you'd like to know.

"Y/n, huh? I- didn't realize you had a girlfriend..?" He's questioning hesitantly, good boy, no jumping to conclusions. Just get your feet wet, I guess.

"We're cousins." You and Toshi end up talking at the same time like twins or something and it's a little comical.

Oikawa's mouth drops for a split second before pursing his lips and addressing you, "Well, I guess I can't hold family against you. It's not like you chose him as your cousin."

You let out a wry chuckle with an equally dry grin on your face, "But I did."

"What?" He's blinking down at you in confusion so you elaborate just a little.

"Toshi. I did choose him, actually." You're highly amused at this point and you like having the advantage, so you're going to leave it at that.

He does try to push, though, you think it's curiosity since that is a pretty odd statement. "Like, to spend time with him, or acknowledge him or something? I won't hold that against you either, angel. Family first, that's sweet."

"Uh.. no." You just smirk and his eyes narrow as his head tilts. Yeah, he knows you're definitely messing with him now, he's just not sure how.

It's all good though, because Toshi's timing is on point now, "Y/n, I hope you don't mind but I picked you a drink I thought you might like."

You look over to him happily, "Really?"

"Yes.. you said that would be okay previously?"

"Of course, Toshi, I really appreciate it!" You look over at Oikawa with a sweet smile, "It was nice .. having you run into me, I suppose. I didn't get to thank you for - or maybe even take you up on - your offer, but I do appreciate it as well. So.. thank you, pretty boy, but I can't be rude and ignore my friends that I'm here with today."

He follows your gaze over to the table your new Shiratorizawa friends have grabbed for all of you. They're chatting casually but clearly looking over though you don't quite know why.

Oikawa looks a little conflicted and disappointed when you turn back to each other, so you add, "Feel free to run into me again and maybe then we can make it up to each other twice."

You can literally feel your trademark playful smile on your face so you know that's what pulls his own begrudging smile in response. Works like a charm, but it's genuine.

He studies you for a moment, "Then I hope Miyagi really is small, so I can hold you to that."

Then he looks back at Toshi with full force attitude so it's time to step away. As you walk away you hear his friend Iwa say something about telling his mom he swore. And when you hear that musical cadence of his reply but not his specific words, you can't help but look back.

They're up at the counter and his friends are ordering but, oh wow, he's just leaning back against it... looking right at you. Ahh, caught. He smirks at you, but clearly he was looking too, so you just return his smirk with a raise of your eyebrow and make sure you're the first to look away.

Leave 'em wanting more, it's a good motto to live by.

The rest of the afternoon is chill, you rejoin the Shiratorizawa boys and they explain the dynamic between Toshi and Oikawa in the most hilarious way so you're all just teasing him and laughing. You realized at some point during their explanation that you'd heard of this guy from Toshi a couple times and never thought much of it. But now.. he's a real person to you so you're definitely a little more interested beyond your cousin's innate desire to pull together an overpowered team.

Tendou also makes you recount the entire encounter from near face plant to Toshi's interruption before Semi and Soekawa have enough and decide to move on. It's even better, they have you laughing so hard and your sides in stiches from retaliating with funny stories about Tendou and Toshi or Coach Washijo impressions.

If you said you didn't end up glancing over at another group seated several booths down during the time you were there, you'd be lying. If you said you didn't connect with warm brown eyes every time, that would also be a lie. What you really couldn't say is if you enjoyed your boba or not because the butterflies that took residence in your stomach were the only other thing you noticed until you left the shop.

Prev | Next

Masterlist

Behind The Scenes!

-Y/n really gets along with Semi but he reminds her of a certain someone

-She and her friends are night owls which is how they're able to respond to her so fast at even 2am or 3am their time (EST)

-We all know the show referenced right? (If not, I would highly recommend watching Boku No Hero Academia/My Hero Academia)

-The angel/devil theme might be played on a lot, her school is literally Ashwood Devils and her national league is Aurora Angels

-I like to think the characters who make those comments or use those terms in application to Y/n all realize the irony at some point, even if it's not explicitly written out in the story

A/N: I realized I forgot to add the first pic (the twt about all the Shiratorizawa reactions) to the end of the last chapter, which is where it was supposed to go. So, even though, I'll go back and fix that, I'll also add it here for anyone who's already read that chapter. Sorry guys! Once again, thanks for bearing with me while I figure out the social media stuff. Feel free to point out any mistakes to me too! Sometimes I'm creating this stuff when I haven't slept 30+ hours so... there's bound to be things I miss or get wrong :)

I also changed 'Extras' to 'Behind The Scenes'! Same concept for small thoughts that might supplement the story where you're currently at and provide background or additional commentary but renamed to fit the theme a little better, I guess. What do you guys think - does it even matter? Do you guys read any of this or just here for the fic and skip by? Genuinely curious to know (:

Aaand, didn't think I'd need this but you made my day:

Taglist: @delusivist

[evermorehaikyuu]

Brute Force Attack

In which Tsukishima Kei finds out the real danger lurking behind the screens.

Word Count: 1383 words

Taglist: @our-tall-slytherin-queen @gg9183 @airybby @wheeshllumi

Note: White Hats are hackers with good ethics. Black Hats are the complete opposite of that. Gray Hats remain neutral. I actually liked writing this one, it took me a while to do so, but I liked it.

There was never a moment of sleep for him. Maybe he could've taken a break, it was just a hacking job after all. His own brother was caught, he'd be a fool if he let himself be next as well.

Tsukishima pressed a finger to his temple, a gentle sigh resting on his lips. His best friend was a sniper and someone he knew was a mechanic. Both of them worked for the same side.

What side?, he asked himself. There wasn't a side. He was a Gray Hat, only neutral, not joining anyone. He knew he had great potential as a hacker, working under a good influence or a bad one. This was too much to think about.

Standing up from his desk and unplugging all of the computers, he plucked a USB drive from nowhere and triple locked his door. He wasn't exactly paranoid but after what happened to his brother, he couldn't risk it. It felt like it was just yesterday that he recalled what had happened. 

Akiteru was smart, that much Tsukishima agreed with. But he had lied completely and said that he didn’t have any agents at his back, he was one of the best hackers in the industry. However, when Tsukishima was going to go back to his house, it became clear that Akiteru had tricked Tsukishima into thinking he was safe. 

It doesn’t matter anymore, he thought to himself as he walked along the shady streets heading to his favorite person’s place. He’d never openly admit it, but just from his actions it was clear how he felt towards her.

Y/N had been the person to get him out of his slump by force and taught him so much that he used in his everyday life, also helping him earn a job that he’d get paid for. With time, she was the one to help him move on from the feeling of betrayal he had gone through with his brother. It didn’t help either that every time he saw her, something inside of his chest twisted and his heart raced faster. 

Knocking on the door and waiting patiently, once he saw her through the crack of the door, he had to suppress a smile. 

Y/N, on the other hand, grinned widely as she opened the door fully. “Well, if it isn’t my favorite person in the world.”

“You say that to every person that brings you food, Y/N.” Tsukishima rolled his eyes as she laughed and followed her inside. 

“What brings you here, Tsukishima?”

“What, I can’t visit you?” He questioned, sitting down on one of her armchairs. “You make it seem like I always want something from you, maybe I just want your company.”

“Tsundere.” Y/N shook her head playfully and set a slice of strawberry shortcake and a water bottle in front of him. She started making herself busy in the kitchen and Tsukishima got a good glimpse of everything around him.

It wasn’t a clean room, it was the typical hacker’s room. Full of computers, wires, knick-knacks, heavy hardcover books the sizes of textbooks, a swivel chair in front of all of the screens, but there was one thing that did catch his eye from all of this. On one of the walls, there was a collage of black and white pictures, red string connecting them to a large map in the center and sheets of paper tacked to the wall. He didn’t think he should go and look at it, it’d be an invasion of privacy. Maybe she was becoming a Red Hat. She had taught him to be a Gray Hat, he didn’t expect her to stay in that position. She couldn’t be held down to one thing only. He took the water bottle in his hand, but didn’t open it.

Sitting in the chair across from him, she squinted at him and smiled. “You’re worried about something or someone. Let me take a lucky guess here and say you’re thinking about Akiteru.”

Damn it, he thought. Y/N was exceedingly good at reading emotions and it wasn’t like he wore his heart on his sleeve either. It was a miracle she hadn’t deduced his actual feelings towards her. “I don’t know how he was caught. He lied to me and said he wasn’t being traced but he was. He put himself in so much danger and didn’t say anything.” The object in his hand was dangerously closed to combusting from his grip.

Y/N placed her hand on his and plucked it out of his hold. “You know our job, Tsukishima. It doesn’t matter when or where or how, sometimes even the best people get caught.” Taking his hands in hers, she stared up at him with meaning behind her eyes. “Look at me.”

“I am.” Tsukishima insisted, but he could only look at her hands, his heart rate going faster than the adrenaline he always felt during a job. 

“Mm, no you’re not. Let me ask you this, why do you think the best people and the good people get caught? Because their morals make them choose incorrectly and they end up behind bars. How many Black Hats do you think have been caught in the past years? The ratio is immense.” 

Something was off. There was a shimmer in her eyes. Why was she talking about the Black Hats like they were her savior? They were Gray Hats, they were supposed to stay absolutely neutral. But Tsukishima knew that if he had to choose, he’d choose the White Hats for the sole fact that if he choose the Black Hats, he’d be going against what Akiteru worked for. 

The gleam in her eyes disappeared as quickly as it came, making him think he was imagining things. She pulled her hands away gently as she heard a timer go off in the kitchen. “We’re Gray Hats, yes. However...don’t you think it’s time to choose?” She left him alone in his thoughts as she entered the kitchen.

That was the statement that got to him. There was definitely something suspicious going on with her. Looking at the wall full of paper and back at the place where Y/N had entered, he had a choice. Either live not knowing or see what was behind her motives of her words. Obviously, he chose the latter.

However, as he studied everything, the sheets of paper were written in a language he didn’t recognize, yet the pictures gave him everything he needed to know. These were the cases he had studied with Y/N when she was his mentor in the field. They were cases caused by Black Hats. They studied all of these cases together and tried to solve them before moving on. It wasn’t him that chose to move on, it was her. 

Tsukishima couldn’t tear his eyes away from everything, all of the pieces finally coming together. That’s when he noticed something. He took a picture of Akiteru away from the wall and then saw a sticky note applied to it that said “concluded”. No. It couldn’t be possible, he was wrong, everything his rational mind was saying was incorrect. She couldn’t possibly have been working with the Black Hats and caused his brother to be sentenced. Not the girl he had fallen so hard for. Not the girl who had taught him everything. 

Not the girl that was there for him through it all.

“So your curiosity got the better of you, huh?” Y/N said, leaning against the kitchen doorframe with her arms crossed. 

He looked at her and squinted, not wanting to believe what his mind chanted as the truth. "You're one of them, aren't you?"

Y/N grinned at him, yet it wasn't the sweet smile he'd come to love. Malice resonated behind it, truly making him fear her for the first time in his life. "I'm not you. You only run away from both sides. I chose the side that will prevail. You have five minutes before they come for you too. Oh and tell Akiteru I said hello."

With those words, Tsukishima took off running, not daring to look behind from fear of only seeing dark pools of tar in her eyes.

Betrayal was a sweet and unexpected poison.