#truly the amount of times in my life people have asked what's up bc i've suddenly gone radio silent hdfgfdg

[micahulrichdraws]

I don't think self-deprecation or concern for the person's well-being is ever going to come across well to someone saying they like what you do. Maybe I'm missing something, but there are reasons to like your art besides being miserable. Even if only the truly miserable liked your work, responding to them by pointing out how miserable they must be wouldn't feel great for them. Your art isn't giving them depression, and it's not like you're contributing to net suffering by making art with ~themes~, so it seems unnecessary to bring up. You suggested that if you struggle to enjoy life, and you make something, anyone who resonates will also struggle to enjoy life. I disagree. Some people will like it for completely shallow reasons. Some people have empathy for others' suffering. You can have a decent life and no mental illness and probably still appreciate a well-drawn skeleton. I don't know what kind of art a perfect world would produce, but any world where people are mortal is going to have sadness, and some art will reflect that. Yours isn't uniquely dark.

Sorry if you've gotten 100 asks saying this same thing. I wasn't sure based on the ones you responded to, and I just found your blog. I know it's sort of a joke, bc you do still sell art prints and stuff, so you clearly are okay with people liking your art. Tbh, I /had/ depression for a few years, so I'm not exactly proof against the theory that your art somolehow only appeals to depressed people. It seems unlikely, though. And the way you talk about your art as "garbage" kind of gave me flashbacks to the sort of self-deprecating humor I'd use when I hated myself. I don't know you or how you're doing, but that feeling made me want to say something.

You didn't just miss something, you missed like, everything I've ever said on my blog about like, everything to the point I'm not even sure this was intended for me? Like I'd break it down, point by point and be like 'no what are you smoking' but that'd be a waste of time after the 'why do you think my art gives people depression!?' part of whatever this is. Like, this is offensive levels of trying to make me be someone I'm not for the sake of a hypothetical argument against a strawman. So if, you want to take offense to who I am in case you misclick and end up here again here's an asshole enough of a response to give you a legitimate reason to find me intolerable:

Welcome to my page! I make art, jokes, and bullshit with folks to make people happy. I started doing this when I was big sad, because cheering people up cheers me up. Now, here's the crazy part: some people are very sad, and sometimes they tell me it makes them a small amount of happy, which gives me dopamine and makes me do it again. The word 'some' means 'not everyone', or even 'a fraction of a percentage'. For example, in this case, it means 'most people just like my drawings but some people get an extra lil bit out of it'. I don't take myself seriously because I know that the art world is insanely intimidating to those outside of it, and sometimes artists tend to be egotistical and condescending, a word that means 'having or showing a feeling of patronizing superiority'. Naturally, I do everything in my power to avoid that, because I'm a very 'gates open' kinda person.

So, here's the WILD part: in my perfect world I would've never had depression. Now, I know, that would have been inconvenient for you as someone who passed by my page one time, and I do apologize. I also apologize that I don't make 'dark art', because I like frogs and mice doing cool shit. Finally, I apologize for my art having -~*themes and concepts*~-, I know good art only comes from ChatGPT and that was my bad.

Sike, I didn't apologize, my fingers were crossed behind my back when I said that. Fuck you for thinking me not wanting to be around for a decade is 'worth' because I drew a mediocre skeleton, and because somehow sadness is necessary. That line of thinking is so awful, here's a video explaining it:

PS: the reason my friends and I in these parts call my art 'art garbage' is because that's what my professors called it back in school for like 4 years, back when I started this shitshow. Much love.

[javierpena-inatacvest]

She's Alive?!? (Alive may be a stretch LMAO)

HEY FRIENDS, IT'S ME 🥹 (Madeline fills y'all in below the cut)

Safe to say from the absolute radio silence on here for the past month and a half, life has been absolutely kicking me right in the tits. As of today (after telling my principal), I am officially done with teaching at the end of this school year. It's been the strangest feeling ever- while it is such a huge relief to know the tremendous amount of physical and mental stress that teaching has been for me is only 15 days away from coming to an end, it also hurts to think that the thing I once had so much passion and love for has burned out so quickly. I've been having such a hard time coming to terms with the fact that teaching isn't where I want to be anymore, and the teacher guilt in me about it is still eating me alive.

This school year has been so draining for me that the past month I have done the same routine every single day as followed: Wake up, cry going into work, try to make it through the day without having a mental breakdown from kids screaming/ridiculous parent emails/insane requests from the district/one of my kids threatening to bring a gun to school (yes, this did happen, and yes, it's the 3rd grade!!! 🙂), cry on my way home from school, look for jobs and change my resume for the thousandth time and cry again bc no one will hire me, and then go to sleep and do it the next day!! On top of that, I've just been dealing with a lot of other big life things that have taken up so much time/mental energy, I am legit crawling to the finish line that is the last day before summer break.

I will be completely honest with you when I say that I legit have not opened a Google Doc for NTL in a month and a half, and truth be told, I don't know the next time that I will. I truly do miss being on here and all of the wonderful people, and I feel terrible that I have been no where to be found. Thank you to everyone who's sent me a DM or an ask to ask if ya girl is okay, I really appreciate you more than you know 🥺💛

I'm really hoping the summer brings some new peace/inspiration to start writing again, but please know if you don't hear anything from me in the near future, either know 1. I didn't make it out of the school year alive or 2. I am sitting in the sun like a lizard on a hot rock letting all of the stress dissolve from my body until I start to feel like a normal human again 🥴

I love all of you so much, I hope that everything in all of your lives are going well and that I am giving each one of you a big kiss on the forehead and sending you all of my love 🥺💕

ALSO Y'ALL BEST BELIEVE I AM CELEBRATING MY LAST DAY OF SCHOOL WITH A CORONA BC PEDRO WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKK 😩

[strawberrystepmom]

Kendall 🌚 if it isn’t too much trouble may I ask for a genken astrology reading? I’m not really familiar with his lore but I wanna know what your dynamic is & how you two love each other <333

🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 man thank you for asking I truly started tearing up thank you so much me when ppl care…anywho I hope you’re having a beautiful day my beloved nana <333

gen’s chart is the left and mine is the right. as you can see there are some pretty interesting differences, namely the amount of earth placements he has vs the amount of uhhh not earth or anything reasonable placements i have. at the jump i'm positive other astro girls will read this and go sheesh and that's fair. BUT my interpretation of this is that we move through life differently but when we're together, we bring out the best in each other.

also all of this capricorn in his chart makes me so wet. this man was literally born to be a leader. i feel this chart actually fits him so well. he's more hardworking than he would let people believe, he's blunt to a fault, he is a workaholic (again, even if he pretends he isn't), he's motivated, he will get shit fucking DONE when it's time to get it done and he does.

aldsjfla;sjdfkasjdf okay now that i've sufficiently glazed him i will do a full compatibility breakdown below!

we'll start with venus the big one for romance. my aquarius venus and his capricorn venus are a good match because i personally believe every air venus needs an earth venus to temper them and quite literally be the rock that holds their edges down like a picnic blanket lmfao....i need freedom but if someone offers me stability i will take it. he wants stability but craves freedom as a little treat and i'm happy to give him some if it means i can have my own. we balance one another out with a mutual understanding of the way the other works. he knows what he wants and will wait it out. i know what i want but want there to be a foundation first and he's willing to let that happen.

i also feel that our mars match ups are really strong. my leo mars makes me bold, direct, pretty roll with the punches and i don't get mad about much unless i feel my pride is threatened so i never take his spitting or mouthiness very seriously. he's a capricorn mars, so he's very direct to the point of it being almost hurtful sometimes even if he doesn't intend it that way. he can be a bit surly but the playfulness of leo and the tendency to use sweet words and touches and playing to people's egos easilyyyyy tempers him.

capricorn sun brings a lot of grounding to pisces sun. i tend to be a bit breezy, kind of anxious and out of it at times, and he can grab me by the shoulders and shake me out of my own head and he's good at it. a little "hey. get it together." works bc i know he doesn't mean it in a way that he's insinuating i'm a mess he means to climb out of whatever emotional hole i've managed to dig for myself and fix it. LURVE that about him.

gemini moon is curious by nature, something that can make a scorpio moon close itself off, but scorpio is also easily sussed out by people who are genuinely interested in them. i can glean pretty immediately that he is interested and wants to really know me so i give him little bits at a time. he takes it well and doesn't ask for more necessarily but asks me to explain my thoughts. explain my feelings. explain my world. let him in. he gets there eventually to see the true Thought Daughter beneath the feather cuffed sleeves.

so yeah!!!! i think overall we're pretty compatible. i like the way we balance each other out at the very least and tbh i'm sensitive but i know when someone Means it bc i am also intuitive so most of his bluster truly does not bother me. i like it. it's just a condition of adoring him.

[plusultraetc]

hii three questions in one ask for fun. who r ur favorite charas, what r ur fav arcs and what r ur fav subplots in mha :}} big fan of the todofam sideplot and the endeavor agency arc… bkdk third wheeling family drama. hilarious… 😁😁

genuinely HOW could you do this to me, I am so indecisive and I have so many favorite things </3 Also get ready for the sheer volume of words I am about to throw at you :D

SO, favorite characters. Obv there are So Many Characters in this show, but I still feel like I can count the ones I don't like on one hand and have fingers left over. I definitely have some obvious favorites (Aizawa, Mic, Shinsou) and some only-slightly-less obvious ones (Shigaraki, All Might, Hawks), but there are also some faves I don't yap about as much like Kirishima, Jirou, Miruko, and VLAD KING the LOVE of my LIFE. I queued a post recently about Inasa being an underrated fave, which is still true, but Vlad King is truly the king (haHA) of underrated faves. I love that man a ridiculous amount. THE TL;DR HERE IS THAT I LOVE 98% OF THE CHARACTERS IN THIS SHOW SM IT'S UNREAL.

Arcs & subplots under the keep reading bc my main personality trait (never shutting up) struck again ! The short answer is Sports Festival & Todorokis, Shinsou, Rooftop gang for anyone who doesn't want to stare at that wall of text 😭

Favorite arcs: I have almost as many favorite arcs as I do favorite characters LMAO. You are SO RIGHT about the Endeavor Agency arc; usually people are forced to witness Midoriya & Bakugou's drama but oh, how the tables have turned. I also love Fuyumi and Natsuo and am always delighted to see them, even if they <3 punching me directly in the feelings :(

The USJ arc is, imo, a perfectly executed plot point, so from a writing perspective I really love USJ. It's got action, it's got character spotlights, but most importantly, it ties together the plot/character/worldbuilding threads of the first season so perfectly. Like. It's seamless. It was a writing school level moment. No notes.

The Hideout Raid arc (specifically All Might vs AFO) and Paranormal Liberation War gave me grays at 25. Joint Training is always a delight. But if I had to pick One Arc to Rule Them All it might honestly be Sports Festival?? It features all of my top three favorite characters for more than one (1) scene each and it is just. Such a wild time.

There is so much to unpack about this arc but it has a very special place in my heart bc the first time I ever watched it (so, like, 5+ years ago) my sister and I for some reason decided to treat it like people who care about the Super Bowl treat the Super Bowl. It was our Olympics except the team we were rooting for changed depending on the episode. To this day I remember my sister turning on a DIME from hating Bakugou since Season 1 Episode 1 to CHAMPIONING him with her whole chest bc Monoma pissed her off so much when he stole Bakugou's headbands. And now he's like her second favorite character in the entire series so?? Origin story moment ig.

Last but not least, favorite subplots!!

TODOROKIS. YEAH. Their entire plotline was one of the major factors that motivated me to catch up on the show. I was like what do you mean they're trying to give superhero Fire Lord Ozai a redemption arc? What do you mean that other fire guy was actually a Todoroki? Like... you have to remember that where I left off w this show, Endeavor seemed to exist solely to give Shouto a backstory, and honestly I remembered like nothing about Dabi. If getting back into MHA was a pit of quicksand the Todorokis truly walked me right up to the edge of it. It was like that part of TAZ where Taako is like 'okay that's weird enough that I'm gonna go in there.'

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Shinsou's off-screen character arc is EVERYTHING to me. I could write a thesis on this side character who appears like. Three times in the entire show. Shinsou really said 'I will be a mirror character AND undo the First Great Contradiction of this series AND have tangible, believable character growth, all while being given less screen time than Mineta' and I love that for him.

The rooftop gang... I'm not going to say much on this one for manga reasons but it's definitely a subplot I find very compelling. I'm still ruminating on its execution so far but I Did Cry over the Reveal in season 5. It re-contextualized so much, not just about Aizawa and Mic, but about UA and the lives of hero students. Ack.

TYSM FOR THIS ASK, this week has been three weeks long but I had so much fun writing this exhausted ramble <3

[taegularities]

i mean this in the nicest way possible because i truly love you, but i wish writers in general wouldnt try to force reader engagement. i often reply with feedback, but at the end of the day, you should be writing because you want to, not because you want validation. i dont know if its just me who feels this way, but when writers constantly mention needing feedback or they wont write/will stop writing a popular series, it feels like a threat. i dont want reading to feel like a chore, where i need to constantly be validating my favorites so they dont get taken away from me. i love you and your writing and i wish my likes were enough. sometimes i, as a reader, dont feel like engaging/leaving notes. sometimes i just want to read and move forward. i feel like many writers have turned appreciative comments from readers into an obligation.

again in no way is this meant to be hateful towards you, i feel like this can apply to many of my favs. i just needed to get it off my chest and hopefully assure you that we like your writing, even if there's less engagement. if you disagree with any of my points, please tell me/ask me to clarify. i dont want to hurt your feelings and i would love to hear from the writer's side!

hiii! no worries, thank you so much for being respectful and wanting to hear my opinion, as well. i know some people let these things out in the rudest manner possible, so i appreciate that <3

so, the reason i haven't been writing atm is because i lack the time and energy to write :') this year has been crazyyyy busy, so i just don't get to it anymore – and since i've been away/less present for a while, i guess i also drifted away from tumblr, too, and then felt like people might've forgotten about taegularities, and then i wasn't sure if the effort would still be worth it (i get insecure at times, but that's a me-problem). now, the reason i (and many other writers) have this worry is bc writing requires an insane amount of energy and brainpower – when i tell you that so many of us actually slave over just a scene or even a paragraph for ages 😭 (example: the last cmi update was far shorter than what i usually drop, but it took me days to just edit one scene). we ache to write all the time, but life also gets in our way – i barely get time to sit down and work on my fics these days… so when i do get time, i want to put it out there into the world and then see the reactions, too… i write for myself, ofc, but for you guys, too, so i can share that joy; or else i'd keep the fics in my docs, right?

and in that sense, when we write something in the rare free time that we get and that we hope others will love just as much as we do, we do seek some sense of validation, even if that sounds odd. it's like – imagine you studied for a test for like 2 weeks, but then don't get the results you hoped for (which might be a weird example, but effort-wise, it's similar, even if fics don't affect writers' lives in that sense). i know there are many who just write and don't care for feedback (even tho i've seen even those who say this be sad about reader engagement which – very valid), but i think that most who expose their soul and heart like this, do want to see people enjoying it/speaking about it/hyping it up. every creator, be it in the movie, music or art industry, loves to see reactions! and think about it – most writers get so genuinely excited when someone sends an ask that doesn't say more than "i loved this so much!! you're such a good writer!!" which is insane?! like, i know that i do – i get so happy and remember these comments 5ever, and it's a 2 sentence review as opposed to thousands of words. the effort here is unbalanced, but we still love it so much. and you don't need to write an essay, you never never do!! i swear, it's always enough to even get a few words or sentences <3 which, in the end, isn't a lot to ask for, you know?

i'm not saying i will stop writing my series. i would stop if it got 0 reactions OR if my life stood in its way too much; i'll keep loving what i write and write out of joy, no doubt. and tbh, i don't care about notes either. like, i remember "ruin you" getting way less notes than cmi but GOSH we had so much fun back then bc of the interaction and the craze made me so happy hahaha and yeah that's what it's essentially about – community. does that make sense? it's tumblr where likes don't make a post circulate – reblogs do, so yeah, unfortunately, likes are not enough :( i wish they were. i totally get what you mean, though. even feedback shouldn't be an obligation, but if you truly like somebody's work, it never hurts to send a tiny message. it really means the world to us when something we adore and are so proud of – creating art, sharing our heart, wanting everybody to see this love – is met with so much joy. and it's fics, you know – we love love love writing, but it's something that can be read. and we want people to read it and we're legit sitting there like "👀 and?? aaaand?" lol it's so nice to know when someone truly appreciates something… ofc you don't have to comment on my stuff, but i promise feedback makes a difference. it's why so many do leave :/ i hope that made sense!! once again, thank you for being respectful!! i love you, too, and am truly grateful that you're here and enjoying my stuff!! <3

[inconsideratekidney]

11/8/24

hey y'all

what the fuck. um. yeah, what the fuck.

what are y'all's plans for the next 4 years?

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i truly hate when professors ask basic questions like we're in elementary school. why are you babying me before you treat me like a well-respected researcher?? we're asked a dumb easy question, dumber than what we should already know, then we're asked to do something way out of our experience and what we should be expected to know.

this happens to me in multiple classes and i'm still so shocked

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today is friday i know, but i have been catching up on a lot of work things n such. i have also finally had time to sit down and play the sims, on my laptop and tablet, and i feel more calm now. my grades have finally improved (not that i've bumped up some of those failing grades bc my prof hates everyone and doesn't allow resubmissions), but we still have like 4 weeks, so i just have to keep it up now. i'm feeling better, and would like to continue to do better.

picking classes for next semester feels like a doozy, i'm dropping one of my majors to make it a minor and that means i'll graduate next next spring? ew. gross. i have to fix that or something.

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i created some of my friends in the sims and myself, all in my eyes of course. i didn't want to do it based on pictures, i just did it from memory. i made everyone based on how i see them and myself as how i want to see myself...they came out pretty good, i want to keep going making more, but so far i made people i know the best. we'll see where i end up. i might just end up making a house full of interpreters....lol

i have so many ideas for what to build--i focus more on building, but creating sims is fun as well, just not my most favorite--i want to build so many complex things, but it's so hard to start and my computer can barely handle it.

i'd love some ideas for what to build, for example, right now i am planning on making a house that technically has one room, but has split levels. i've seen youtube shorts on them and i've pasted the video below if you're interested, but they are so interesting even if every video i see they always forget a bathroom. i love doing challenges as well, like the plumbella challenge, and there's another one similar. they generate random style, color, theme, etc. and give you rules and a specific amount of money you can use. you also always get one setback, like you can't use cheats, or you can only use certain items from one pack or just base game, or that you have to do it only from birds' eye view... they are all so fun. i also want to finish making my mansion i am currently working on. it's so big and it's so hard to fill every space...

i also wanted to build a beach house, one of the videos i've also linked below, based on a reference i saw. it reminds me of where my family goes on vacation--those big beach houses we never stayed in cuz they're so god awfully expensive. they are so cool to look up on zillow or other rental websites. like big dream homes. i'd love to build a beach home eventually.

videos:

micro apartment 1:

https://youtube.com/shorts/RlauAXoxtls?si=DKH1FTDpkCid3Gv5

micro apartment 2:

https://youtube.com/shorts/kbdseYjig4s?si=Z-mbMA1OrnbwFdo7

coastal house:

https://youtube.com/shorts/VKC0h-6sSeI?si=LpiDh13v2yj1jbC5

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i type "i" way too much. all i do is talk about myself and reflect on myself and how much i talk. obviously, this is my blog, but i always feel that i overshare and should shift my attention to more pressing matters. alas, i am in my existential identity stage of life--early adulthood, so i don't feel all too bad. and for the possible 3 or 4 of you reading, i'm sure you're used to this and you're still choosing to come back, so i can ease my anxiety on that one. i still talk about myself in general way too much. i harp on this because i know other people are experiencing life for the first time as well--i'd love to let others have thr spotlight whenever possible. although, i do take way longer to process my life happenings than most it seems, so i prefer to process in my own way. i enjoy having a platform to share my insanities on. i do still get sick of myself, though.

anyway, my point is anxiety ruins my life and it affects me everyday whether it is desired or not. (see what i did there i eliminated every possible "i" i could have used in that sentence and then i used many "i"'s in this sentence cuz i like being self-aware and illuminating my hyper fixations like the freak i am.)

it is also apparent that reading can be much more enjoyable when the author isn't constantly saying "i did this" or "i did that." sentences and ideas can be easily digested by using the third person, or even an unidentifiable "it." when something happens and you mess up and want to apologize, what do you say?:

"I'm sorry I upset you."

or "I'm sorry you are upset."

one is more self-aware and puts the blame on oneself, but isn't the other as well? regardless of what one person does, the other could be upset by that specifically or not. you could alternatively say:

"I'm sorry what I said/did upset you."

or even "I'm sorry you are upset because of my actions."

which sounds better? which is most "correct"? which one feels more authentic?

i experienced this first when my mother told me i had to say "I'm sorry I upset you." it pissed me off because i didn't do anything crazy (in my eyes) and she still got upset, but in those situations, you have to do what your mother says even if her asking you to reword and acknowledge you upset her upsets you in the process...

see what i did there again? i used "you," i love writing. oftentimes i still use "i" because it is the most accurate statement. why else would i do it? i could sit and write more and more about things that happen and affect me, but not using "i" defeats the purpose. you could think i am talking about something else totally different. it's more short and concise. why say many word when few word do trick, amirite? and with that this section is concluded with the idea that my emphasis on myself is the whole reason i sit down and write a blog. (ew, not me starting with "and" writing about something trying to be more formal. ew.)

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lol. lol is the best word for my life. it's the easiest thing to use. so simple, when there aren't emoji options -> lol, when the setting is uncomfortable -> lol, when i don't know how to end a sentence without a period -> lol, when i want to appear less rude or direct -> lol, when i don't feel like you can tell i'm making a funny -> lol, when you're making a funny -> lol. it's simple.

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anyshways, how is everyone's day going, how was your week?

this week had some things happen...but first trans woman for the house!! yipee!! i hadn't heard much else so far tbh.

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i almost didn't post this blog again, but since i started it and really did a good chunk of it, i have to post it now. i'm still behind on my work and am scared for the weekend tbh. i have to do a revision of my draft paper and send it to my prof who won't change the grade, but will give me feedback before the final paper is due....yipee...so generous of her.... i stg everyone almost failed or actually failed the midterm and did poorly on the draft paper as well. she just doesn't give a shit. no extra credit offered, no resubmissions, virtually no support for any of us failing. -_-

i hope to pass this class with a decent enough grade, but mainly just to pass the class is my goal.

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it's late, but i want to play the sims again. it's so much fun and i love it. it's truly a game i keep coming back to bc of all the different aspects of it. i hope if i get a new computer it doesn't reset my data... cuz it's different on every computer i'm pretty sure. it's different if it's on steam compared to just my computer, so i'm nervous. i could download all of the sims i made and all houses i've made, but i want the progress of this one family i have.....oofie, we'll see. i'll look it up.

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tldr:

wtf

basic questions

picking classes

sims and building

grammar and creative writing

lol

how are you?

annoying prof

sims!!

anywho, goodnight and toodaloohoo,

kD :p

[golbrocklovely]

you know, I thought i might of been annoying with the amount of asks i send you, and that still might be true but people apparently love me… so im sticking around 😂 gotta build this aussie anon fandom… buy the merch (its just a tshirt with koala ears on the anon icon and ‘xplr me daddy��� across the shoulder blades)

also absolute fkn ditto to your post abt snc needing a villain era. especially colby. I learnt just the other day that apparently he goes thru this m drama every time he’s snapped with a girl. like every time, for years. that’s gotta be so horrible. like imagine being the constant reason your friends or dates get harassed online just for being around you. you’d feel like poison. i truly hope he finds someone who couldnt give two flying quacks abt that stuff. heck, if it were me (lemme dream, alright) and i knew this wasn’t just a once off thing… i was going to say my acct would be private and i’d have ‘message from strangers’ turned off… but i already have all that… Colby, I’m ready!!! lmao i jk i jk (or do I 👀)

anyway, back to colby fighting in the clubs. you said he’s possessive… im curious about that. like in a protective way over the people he cares about, or actually like “this is my person, back off” type? either way, hella shmexxyy

- aussie anon

omg this is such a long response so i'm sorry in advance lol

haha no you're totally okay to keep sending in asks. no one has a problem with it, especially me :)

and omg an "xplr me daddy" shirt would be hysterical and i'm surprised they haven't done one (even jokingly) before lol

and yes, it's not just girls colby is interested in either. it's EVERY girl - date, friend, stranger - it doesn't matter. if fans can find out who she is, they will send her hate. or at the very least bombard her with questions as to how she knows colby, what's he like, ect. it's honestly very embarrassing to be in this fandom sometimes strictly bc of that type of shit.

i've talked about how i've felt on colby's love life ad nauseum on here, but i don't mind speaking on it more. i genuinely believe this fandom needs a HUGE reality check. bc there are too many ppl in this fandom that believe they have a say in what he does with said love life. and now it's bled over into sam's.

the golden child apparently can do wrong now lol

like on xplrclub, they literally APOLOGIZED (half-heartedly, but still said sorry) for the pics of them with the girls leaking over new years. and that's just fucking bonkers to me. there is no reason two 27 year old men should be saying sorry to a bunch of random girls they have never met before and don't even know exist bc they are going out and having fun and dating. and what makes it worse is snc felt the need to do this. they don't need to explain anything to us, especially about their private lives.

and the amount of fucking fans i saw saying "well if you wanted to have a private life, keep it private. don't post things." and it's like…… idk how many times i have to say this, but SNC ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. them not telling you about a girl they are fucking with is not a betrayal. they don't know you. they couldn't even pick you out of a line up of two ppl. stop thinking your opinion is neccessary, especially when it comes to their personal lives. you aren't owed an explanation. idc if you've been in this fandom for years, given them tons of money, have a fan account dedicated to them on every site, repost their content all the time - NONE of that matters. you are a random person, you are a statistic. a view count. and while yes, snc care about us, that doesn't mean they KNOW you or that your opinion is VALID.

you wouldn't like a random person coming onto your account and bitching at you about your life choices, right? so why do you think snc deserve that? bc they're public figures? NOPE, not a good enough reason. you want to bitch at them about content and the choices they make on that? that's fine. but private, personal shit they do is none of your concern or business.

and i know there are plenty of fucking ppl that will call me a hypocrite bc god forbid i talk about snc's love lives - but reality is i know my opinion isn't worth shit. i'm not coming up into their comments, @ ing them every chance i get, just to give them my two cents. i do my best to keep it light hearted and silly. none of what i talk about is serious or direly needed info. which is also why i do it on a site they aren't privy to. they're not on here. me complaining into the void doesn't effect them. and i'm also extremely aware of the fact that i don't know everything. i don't know the full story, never will, and i'm not OWED it either.

sorry, that was a really long rant. but i'm just…. so done with the fandom rn lol i've been reading ppl complaining for too long about shit they don't deserve to complain about and it's just annoying at this point.

but to bring it back to your ask - i hope colby, and sam too, find a girl that fucking PARADES that she's dating him. of course, with colby or sam's consent. if i was dating one of them, i would rub in these fans' faces, and i mean that wholeheartedly. aww, you're upset i'm fucking your man? TOO BAD WOMP WOMP lmao

and as for colby being possessive, he's said it in some tweets in years' past. he's tweeted out before "Im such a protective, jealous person wow" and "I'm overly protective" followed by someone asking him "so that means if you had a girlfriend you'd protect her a lot" and he replied with "protect her with my life". so, i see him as being a very loyal person, who is protective of the ppl he deems as "his", so to speak.

in a relationship, my guess is that while he's not obsessive or demanding, he is very much like "you are my girlfriend". i don't see him to be the type to say you can't talk to this guy or be friends with these ppl, nothing like that. but he reads to me like the type to keep his arm around you while at the club, that way any guy that sees you know you're taken by him.

also side note, i know as a woman i should be like i'm my own person, i'm no one's but my own, blah blah blah. but a guy that's just a twinge bit possessive is hot. i'm sorry, it's my red flag and i know it is sksksks

[patrocles]

assuming aemond's feelings are reciprocated by alys, what made her fall in love with him? i've seen lots of analyses about HIS pov on their relationship but rarely from hers. asking bc i love your takes on this ship and i'm obsessed with alys/aemond!

Ohh this is a great question thank you!

I've been thinking about it all day because I think it raises an interesting point about a lot of ships in general; how sometimes in those ships, people only really focus on one character and the other only kinda exists in relation to how they make the first character feel, how being loved by character 2 transforms character 1 etc. and its really only about character 1's exploration.

Or with a lot of M/F pairings, there's nothing really below the surface level of lust and "our love can move mountains" "us against the world" but like, do they like each other? Do they make each other laugh?

So I think in relation to Alys and Aemond, and especially Alys falling in love with Aemond, it has to be a slowburn imo. There has to be a degree of equality between them, and because they share nothing equal in terms of social status, power, or even gender, it has to be curated in other ways.

Respect, compassion, empathy, Being Seen and Heard and Valued. I think they're both incredibly lonely people, and so getting these things from each other will have such a profound affect.

I know people can't let go of "How can Alys love him if he killed her family!!!" and its never "Why was Alys a servant to that family to begin with?" So I'm not even hearing all that right now. And TBH we don't know if Aemond will be the one to do it, in the show, it could be Daemon WE DONT KNOW. Because to me it really sounds like bastard children of slave owners in the Antebellum south that were still kept as slaves. I know it isn't the exact same, I wouldn't be surprised if Alys wasn't THAT broken up over it (aside from the little kids)

But I digress. Given that Alys is a wet nurse, suggesting that she's been pregnant before despite being a Lord's daughter could suggest that she was mistreated by men in her past. So I think right out the gate, Aemond not being the same would definitely set him apart from other men in her eyes. Not being treated as a sexual object because she has no power to refuse and should be considered grateful that a Targaryen prince would want her. It sounds like the bar is in hell, but consider the time when only highborn women were granted a modicum of basic courtesy and even then it's hit or miss.

The things I mentioned above, the respect, compassion, empathy, being seen and heard and valued. The reason why I say their relationship best fits a slow burn is because Aemond really has to learn all of these things when it comes to Alys on top of unlearning his bias towards bastards. Respecting her as a person with the same amount of complexity, compassion for her place in the world, empathy for how she's been treated by the society that he was born into, Seeing her for who she is as a fully realized person, hearing her and taking in what she says, and valuing her. And if this is something Alys feels is genuine from Aemond, I can absolutely see her falling in love with him over it!

Another thing of note is even in the book when Aemond uses "we" to describe them, it really suggests to me an equality between them. And that means Alys' elevation, not necessarily in garnered physical power, but in personal confidence. Alys' trajectory is from a wet nurse and servant to her own family, to a queen. He speaks of her in reverence, "She sees much and more, my Alys." What could make Alys fall for Aemond is him embracing her witchy side as something beautiful and powerful, not scary and to be feared as might have been the case for much of her life in Harrenhal before them. Having someone truly in her corner and believing in Alys and making her feel special because of who she is, not just because of how it would benefit Aemond would just mean everything.

If you've never had anyone think that you were anything more than a thing, and then here comes this person who sees magic in you, and made you feel confident to speak in your own voice and be proud of who you were, wouldn't you fall in love with them too?

This all to ME is way more profound and interesting than "she's an evil cuntress who enchanted him to kill him" which some people really ascribe to their relationship. I'm just so bored by cynicism and I think seeing how genuine love can transform two fundamentally different people in a time of war into something better is what we need now as a society.

[mugenloopdalove]

it really just seems like tumblr is not an affirming place for you and only makes your mood tank.

I think you would really benefit from a hobby you can do in a physical space with other people. It will do a lot of good for you to get out of the house and be around others rather than stay in a self perpetuating spiral of loneliness at the house. See what sort of events your library hosts etc.

Look into your local community to find others and keep an open mind. Yes its going to be hard and anxiety inducing at first but it gets easier each time you push yourself out of the comfort zone of your home/internet space. Its really hard work but you can do it!

Theres a very limited amount of help complete strangers online can offer, you need to start helping yourself.

Also please don't dismiss this as not offering a solution, because I am an internet stranger taking time out of my day to type this and try to help you. An F/O ask/comment isnt a healthy longterm solution to depression, its a momentary boost in serotonin that is gone almost immediately and only serves to fuel your depression. You have to at a certain point realize that some things you seek only make your issues worse and you need to try other things to help yourself.

I'd love to truly, but the hard part with that is. I don't drive. Like I've wanted to get involved with community stuff, especially theatre, for awhile, but I'm still working on getting my permit and overcoming the STRESS I have around driving. (I can control a car very well, I was almost a natural, but seeing other cards gives me panic attacks that cause me to disassociate).

The bus system here ain't great, shit schedule and buses constantly cancel randomly. Uber is way to expensive for me to regularly take for say. Rehearsals which will probably be almost daily. There isn't even a library on the only accessible bus route (which I have to trek up a hill for and even when I have my cane is difficult) and can I just say that's uh. Infuriating I feel like that should be a thing that is just. Default.

I'm rlly in the situation of suburban life being SO FUCKING UNFRIENDLY if you don't/can't drive. Bc I'd love to get out and do stuff. There's so much stuff I wanna do but I literally can't bc Im at the shitty mercy of so many shitty variables.

And like... Yeah the f/o asks won't cure my depression that's why I'm getting back into therapy. But it would be nice to like. Not have to deal with the 50 hours a week of being home alone + not even having someone to send me just a message online, even a simple one

I'm hoping that now that I have a job again and the hours are pretty good (tho. Opposite of hubby's which is gonna SUCK but not a lot of overnight stuff is hiring rn) I'll be. Better. Its really been the five straight months of being locked in my room that caused. This mess I'm in. I tend to make friends pretty easily at work and from what I've seen of kitchen staff in general working multiple restaurant jobs it's always a fun time w them shskdhd

I do appreciate it I just. God. Trying to find local community when you can't drive and have a shit bus line sucks lol.

[issylra]

I love your work and really appreciate you sharing them. I wish I could comment on all your works but I have health issues.Whenever I physically can I always go back to your stories bc they just make me feel so warm and happy. Your work is important to me bc I deal with chronic pain every single day and your stories never fail to bring me joy and to make me forget about the pain for a lil while. you’re amazing and very much appreciated 🥰

Going to try to sneak in a reply to this at work. First, re: the second ask, not too much at all!

Getting your message this morning made me so happy. I don't want to make this about me, except to say that I know what it's like to have chronic pain, and to get to a place where you feel kind of hopeless about it. I've had bouts of time where I didn't know how I'd physically be able to work in the morning, but still had to if I wanted to make rent or afford groceries. I know I'm privileged even, that I can work through my pain. To know that there's other people out there with similar struggles, getting a few minutes of peace from my silly stories is truly the greatest compliment.

It's funny, because sometimes I look at my writing and I'm like, "what is this adding to the conversation?" Nothing I've written is particularly deep or life-changing. Some of the stories I've read in this fandom are rich with references to history, literature, and beautiful prose. I've never felt so consistently enthralled, but simultaneously painfully aware of the choice I made to not pursue higher education. I'm better off for a thousand reasons, escaped a pretty terrible family situation and was able to grow into the person I am today, but it's still one of the things at the back of my mind whenever I work on a new story.

If all I'm offering is a couple thousand words a week of pining and fluff in comparison to actual masterpieces, then why should anyone care? (Sidenote -- this kind of comparison is unhealthy, but shout out to poor self-esteem and imposter syndrome!) All of this rambling to say, I'll get a message like this, someone telling me that my writing made them smile or cheered them up on a particularly shitty day, and then it feels like I am contributing something.

So thank you for taking the time out of your day, with what little energy you might have had, to let me know. I'm sorry that you have any amount of pain to deal with, but I hope I can continue to give you little pockets of joy where I can. 🖤

[firesighgirl]

I CAN'T BELIEVE I FINALLY WORKED UP THE COURAGE TO READ THIS MASTERPIECE!?!?!??!?! it only took me a little bit over a year to come around and take the leap of faith😅 and djjdkdkdlflkfkfnfmf what a Rollercoaster!!!

OK first of all, every single man in this story is sus. All of them. And let me start with yoongi. I believe he hides more than the illegal stuff he's been doing and I can't believe he came around to like jk this easily after all the things that happened. Sus guy number 1.

I'm not sure about seokjin and his ulterior motives, but I definitely do not fuck with his wife and not only because she's his wife. She seems weird and maybe manipulative? Idk she's only been around for one chapter but still, her vibes are off. Jimin tho!!! My poor baby!!! My heart ached when he appeared in ch10 BC WHAT THE FUCK I WILL THROW HANDS he didn't deserve this!!! And he still came to warn oc??? That guy is too good for his own safety😫

SORA THE OG ENEMY OF THIS STORY!!!! Bc I am nosy and can't stop myself, i had already read the asks and theories when yus was answering them so I already knew about her involvement with the black suvs😵she appeared as a background character at first but THAT BITCH she's evil!!! And her relationship with jk is so toxic!!!!! The only thing connecting them is their need for survival. And money. Yikes.

Now on to my fav BONEHEADS. Let's start with tae, bc what the fuck was that in ch10??? He gave me the icks he acted so cold and awful towards oc, practically erasing all of the progress he had made by opening up to her. He has some serious trust issues he needs to work on and that back and forth in his progress is tiring. And I'm being really gentle with him bc I AM ROOTING FOR YOU KIM TAEHUYNG!!! FOR THE PAST YEAR!!! BEFORE EVEN READING A SINGLE LINE OF THE STORY!!! I'VE PIT MY FAITH IN YOU JACKASS!!!🩴🗣

Now jeok jungkook,,, BIG YIKES. Him and oc could have been everything. But things don't work the way we want them, don't they? They are not the same people they used to be when they were 19. I understand his anger when he went through hell and high water to find oc again only to see her cosing up with another man (my fav man of the story tbh, even tho he was the reason of oc's addiction, long live weed king jung hoseok) and with a baby??? But that doesn't justify the way he spoke to her. Or acted right before he made his presence known to her after all these years. He's a walking talking breathing🚩🚩🚩and I can't forgive him. Blame my serious daddy issues with my own father, but I can't easily forgive him. I appreciate him trying to be a better father BUT COME ON he verbally abused oc, slutshamed her, literally TRIED TO CHOKE HER and he interfered with her personal life way too many times. Namjoon is right, he needs to stay away form junho.

Now my main girl oc (can I get a hell yeah from all the people believing that she's pregnant with tae's baby bc I am with my fist up in the air howling),,, I get it girl! Jk is a hot piece of ass and the adrenaline had her acting up and sleeping with him (☹😤😶) only to find out that once again he went behind her back and did sneaky things. ouch.

Anyways I am team hie tae till the end (apart from his shitty attitude in ch10 I believe he's a decent guy and he truly cares about oc, even tho he sometimes relies too much on her for his mental health imo) and I hope they all get out of this mess with the least amount of casualties.

hell is empty - JJK, KTH

life has a tendency to throw things your way when you least expect it, when you’re content, and the ominous presence knows exactly how to steer your existence back into the darkness.

᯽ pairing — drug lord!jungkook x reader, hotel owner!taehyung x reader

᯽ genre — heavy angst, smut, fluff

᯽ word count — 164.4K

᯽ warnings/tags — love triangle au, single parent!reader, dad!JK, ex-boyfriend!JK, CEO!taehyung, strong language, explicit smut, drug use, mentions of violence & blood, harassment, mentions of stalking, toxic relationships, mentions of drowning, happy ending, (will update)

᯽ vibes — the neighbourhood

᯽ updates — every Monday (unless stated otherwise) DO NOT ask about updates. check under the tag #update: hie.

꒰ playlist🎵 yoongi’s visuals ∞ taehyung’s visuals ✦ jungkook’s visuals ★ sora’s visuals ☢︎︎ hie jimin’s visuals ☾ oc’s style ♡ ꒱

→ bits of heaven: drabbles

→ hie: drabbles/asks

tags: #fic: hie #hie: theories #hie: memes #anti sora club #ttmc: hie

ongoing

part 01 - 10K . THE FIRST NIGHT

↳ a small escape from the stress leads you into the arms of a stranger with lots of stories to tell, stories that involve endless touches and caresses, however, the plans you’ve made to never see him again is forgotten; that stranger is your new boss.

༄moodboard ‍ ▹ ─ you get me so high by the nbhd

part 02 - 10K . DON’T LOOK

↳ the story of your life is not something you’d like to share, but he finds out eventually and you’re surprised by his reaction, however, an old friend makes a special appearance.

༄moodboard ‍ ▹ ─ nervous by the nbhd

ꕤ flashback drabble — fast forward ꕤ

‍ ▹ ─ reflections by the nbhd

part 03 - 6.8K . BABY CAME HOME

↳ you aren’t thrilled to see your old friend, like he’d hoped you would be, and you show him exactly why he is unwelcome in your son’s life, however, he isn’t too happy after he hears the stories that you’ve gathered in his absence.

༄moodboard ‍ ▹ ─ baby came home 2/valentines by the nbhd

part 04 - 5.8K . ONLY TOUCHED YOU ONCE

↳ faded white scars seem to split open, but he’s there to stitch them up again. can you withstand each twist of the knife?

‍ ▹ ─ void by the nbhd

part 04.2 - 8K . FEEL THE RUSH

↳ you’ve accepted that the scars will always remain, a little dimmer than before, but are you willing to forget with his help?

༄moodboard ‍ ▹ ─ void by the nbhd

📞 with oc + yoongi

part 05 - 9.8K . LURK #smileysixth

↳ Junho’s birthday party or the perfect cover for illicit affairs?

༄moodboard ‍ ▹ ─ lurk by the nbhd

part 06 - 5K . CRY BABY

↳ you decide that you’re tired of the constant back and forth, there are some things you need to know.

‍ ▹ ─ cry baby by the nbhd

『read this far & still rooting for jk + oc? read this』

part 06.2 - 8.9K . SWEATER WEATHER

↳ a newfound fire begins to sizzle, where the flames from your past now simmer.

‍ ▹ ─ sweater weather by the nbhd

📞 with oc + taehyung (jk + oc)

part 07 - 12.8K . THE BEACH #hie: thebeach

↳ the fire reignites, only to be put out again — and repeat — you have reached an impasse.

༄moodboard ‍ ▹ ─ the beach by the nbhd

part 08 - 6.7K . YOUR NAME IN THE RAIN

↳ guilt welcomes you like an old friend.

▹ ─ daddy issues by the nbhd

ꕤ flashback drabble — rewind ꕤ

‍ ▹ ─ dark red by steve lacy

part 09 - 11.1K . SHARING MY HEAD-HEART

↳ conversation, confrontation and…crying.

▹ ─ softcore by the nbhd

part 09.2 - 6.5K . CROSS YOUR MIND

↳ conversation, confrontation and…crying continued.

▹ ─ #icanteven by the nbhd

part 09.3 - 8.7K . SADDERDAZE

↳ more conversation, confrontation and…crying.

▹ ─ sadderdaze by the nbhd

part 10 - 22.8K . PREY #hie: thedinner

↳ the path is free of flames, all you need to do is allow yourself to take that first step.

༄moodboard ‍ ▹ ─ prey by the nbhd

part 11 . WIPED OUT

↳ again and again and again, you’re done holding out the flame.

▹ ─ wiped out! by the nbhd

part 12 . I SEE MYSELF IN YOU

༄moodboard ‍ ▹ ─ ?

epilogue

➶ read the sequel ‘heaven’s illusion’ [info]

【 faq 】

when is the next update?

❝every monday, unless i make an announcement stating otherwise. so look out for those :)❞

will hie have alternate endings, choose the ending option?

❝no, hie will only have one, final ending that has been written by me.❞

can i request for hie?

❝not taking requests for hie at the moment !!❞

can i send in theories for hie?

❝of course !! i love hearing them as long as they’re fair towards all the characters. except sora.❞

PLEASE REMEMBER TO BE RESPECTFUL TOWARDS ME & OTHER READERS. let’s keep it fun 🤩

❤️‍🔥taglist ✩ masterlist

© aquagustd 2021-2022

[memento-morri-writes]

tis i the crit role anon 🙏

hey morri! i’m kind of the reverse of you where i’ve seen all of c3 (all of it to date i suppose), but none of c2! i am enjoying the overlap the first two campaigns have had with the third, tho i definitely don’t have a ton of context to the second!

tell me more about why you love it so much! what sticks out to you about the style, defining moments, the characters? who’s your favourite if you can pick just one? why were you drawn to that campaign over the other two?

if i had to guess i think my fav pc would be caleb, im a huge fan of vax and orym. liams characters in general haha

also i have to ask have you watched tlovm?

HI ANON!!!!! I'm so glad you came back and gave me a chance to ramble about this silly little show that I love so much.

This is extremely long, so I'm putting it under the cut to spare people's dashes.

So, campaign two is very near and dear to my heart. It's the first campaign I watched (and the only one I've finished), and it's (in part) what got me into dnd in the first place.

I mean, it really is everything I could ever want from a dnd show. The characters are amazing, the plot is excellent, there's the right mix of shenanigans and sincerity. Okay, yes, all of crit role has those things, but c2 knocks it out of the park.

Like, c1 is a bit more of your typical hero's journey. You have these people who start out rather ordinary, and end up rising to extreme heights, saving the world and gaining a lot of power as they do so. These people are also (generally) pretty good and righteous people. Which isn't bad!!!!!!!! I love c1 a lot! (I would kill and die for Vax, which explains why I've been procrastinating finishing, lmao.)

But c2 is more my style when it comes to characters. A bunch of fucked-up misfits who become an extremely dysfunctional but loving family, and semi-accidentally save the world while they're at it. Idk, there's something about the fact that the Mighty Nein don't start out to be heroes, don't intend to be heroes, that really really endears me to them. A fair amount of what they do is for not necessarily self-serving, but personal reasons. They fuck up sometimes, and it's great.

Also, TMN are just so much more chaotic than Vox Machina. I mean, it's to be expected when you have such chaotic characters as Nott and Jester in one party, plus everyone else.

As for defining moments, there's literally too many to list. I could sit here and talk about c2 for hours. But I will say that near the end of Episode 7 was where I well and truly knew that there was no going back, and that my life had been changed. (A lot of good things there, but the Molly+Caleb bit is what did me in, I think.)

Other top faves include (in no particular order) literally the entire pirate arc (but esp the fight on the ship in Darktow and the yuan-ti temple), Yasha's pit fight (I literally wrote a mini essay about it on my personal blog bc it made me so emotional), any time Essek is there (for both feels and laughs), Caduceus's speech in Dinner With The Devil, Jester and Nott fucking up that one temple (just because it made me laugh so hard I stopped making noise for like 10 minutes straight), any time Beau and Caleb interact, THE FIRST TIME THEY SEE THE NEIN-SIDED TOWER, the Lucien/Jester tarot reading, the Lucien fight (all stages of it), Fjord throwing his sword into lava, any of the times they polymorphed large monsters into turtles (giant -> snapping turtle or the turtle on ice), the time they got banned from two libraries in less than 20 minutes...

As you can see, I could go on for hours. And yes, if you're a Liam character fan, Caleb will be your favorite. Caleb is also my favorite critical role character of all time ever, and I'm so obsessed with this man it's unreal. Like, autistic (to me) sad wizard man who loves his cat, has so much trauma, and is played by Liam O'Brien??? Obviously going to be my fave.

As for why I started with c2 over c1, I'm not actually sure. I think it was on the recommendation of some friends and my cousin, because the beginning is more polished than that of c1, and in their opinions it was the best campaign (I'm inclined to agree. No other crit role campaign will ever top it).

I have not watch tlovm yet, but I plan on getting around to it someday. Unfortunately for me, I am very very very very bad at finishing tv shows. It's basically either I finish it at an insanely fast pace (ie all 141 episodes of c2 in ~6 months, or all 38 episodes of Black Sails in just over 2 weeks), or I never finish it at all. Someday I will get my shit together and watch tlovm, though.

Actually, I happen to have a little art wall at my mom's house that is mostly Mighty Nein art. I don't have everyone yet, just Jester, Yasha, Caleb, and Essek, but I'd love to get the full party up there someday. Sadly I don't have any good pictures of it.

[chrysanthemumpink]

I don't talk about this much either. But I didn't have a normal childhood or normal life. And I didn't truly grasp how abnormal it was till adulthood and I'm still wrestling with it.

But near my birthday, I won my first ever beauty pageant. Only one I've ever won. I was turning 13. My mom hasn't been with me through the process. She was sick. Sickee than usual. But she was at nationals with me. She was late, years later she admitted that was the probably the first time she had a heart attack.

So my aunt was there. Looking back, I remember my mom forcing my aunt to take me to nationals. It would be like a birthday present

My mom didn't call on my birthday. But during the trip, my aunt asked what it would be like living with her. I didn't like the idea. Long story short, and too much too talk about now...but my mom was gone and it'd be 3 years before she woke up again. To this day, I still don't know the exact day it happened.

Either way, my birthday is soon. But throughout my entire life, I've come on too strong. I cling too hard to people. Not because I like them. But because they are a good distraction from what I'm really thinking about.

I'm greatful that he's pretty ignorant, dismissive, and unaware. I don't want to think about how hard my birthday actually is.

The first time my mom had a heart attack was giving birth to me, the second during my 13th birthday. It's selfish but every year there's a celebration about her surviving. But I have trouble thinking about how I wasn't around during bc it was my birthday trip

Anyway, I told him I had the birthday blues and that I'd be mia for a bit. He won't ask what's wrong. He won't miss me. And that tension alone will be a good enough distraction for me. But I do fantasize about what it'd be like to not be alone this time of year

I felt so alone and lost the year I turned 13 and ever since then, I've felt the same amount of guilt and loneliness despise turning 28.

I wish he could recognize the moments in which I really need someone. But he doesn't. He doesn't even ask. But again,, maybe I'm using him as an excuse.

And to make up another excuse to leave him. He's a great guy. But maybe asking for someone to care about my birthday and the aniversary of my mom's coms isn't too much of an ask

[taegularities]

I don't think it's fair to assume someone's always free and is required to respond to us. Especially because, as mean as it sounds, we all have a life. Responsibilities, work, school, personal ish, and mental health can all restrict us from being active. At the end of the day this is just a hobby. It's supposed to be fun! You should never feel obligated to respond to someone!

On the other hand, I can kind of understand their frustration to an extent. There are times where it seems like you choose the same couple of users/anons to actively respond to (Which again is okay) But due to this, I can see how some people may feel hurt!

I think it might be helpful to both you and all of us, if you try to respond to your asks before releasing another fic - only because releasing another chapter/fic is going to lead to more feedback, which is only going to add to the overloading amount of asks you have so far! (I hope you don't take offense to this, I truly don't mean this in a negative way and am sorry if it seems that way!)

hi love!! i didn't take offense, no worries. i agree with you, it'd be good to answer most of the asks before dropping another chapter. that's actually what i was going to do, i just didn't get to it so far!! the semester was hardcore, but i've a liiittle more time now, so i will. thank you for your suggestions and for telling me all that in such a neutral/kind way, i appreciate it!!

i do understand when someone feels frustrated about it — i think it's absolutely okay when someone asks "did you get my message", too. i just appreciate it when the tone is kind as well and not straight up rude, and for some reason i got more than just one of those yday lol. bc you're right, life does get busy, and there are days when i'm just able to answer 2 asks bc i'm either tired or busy. on these days, it gets hard to answer every single ask that comes in, and i hope everyone understands that, bc i'm definitely not ignoring anyone on purpose!!

i will also say — while it might seem like i only respond to messages by the same people, in reality i do actively answer most of the stuff i get.. or at least i try to do so for as many as possible, those by unsigned anons, too.. just not always all at once. i think it might seem that way bc some ppl send in messages every day or more often than others, so they end up being on my blog more often, does that make sense? sometimes they send 2-3 asks and then i even try to combine asks or space them out and answer other stuff in between, so it doesn't look like i prefer anyone. so yeah, i can assure that i don't actively pick out ppl to answer to. and with anons, unless they're signed, i can't even pick specific ones since you guys are.. well, on anon :')

just wanna say that i will try to be better and i'm sorry i made you guys feel like i'm ignoring you!! i see everything and appreciate it and i love you and i promise i don't prioritise anyone over anyone else. please just bear with me, too!! this is my busiest year so far, so sometimes it'll take time to get to everything... plus, i always fear i might be annoying when i answer too much at once lol like i lose followers everytime i answer too much hdjdkdjs 😭 but yeah, be patient.. even answering 7-8 asks sometimes takes about an hour, like last night. so yeah... hope you understand, but i shall do better 🤍 oh and that being said, pls don't stop communicating and talking to me!! i love seeing y'all's messages, so keep it coming, i truly do love you!!

[rainichito]

yo you good? you suddenly stopped posting, is everything ok?

dw b im just a very tired person dfhgfd my activity will probably always be rlly inconsistent orz thank yall for ur patience & thank u anon for ur concern ♡

[daswarschonkaputt]

so im pretty excited abt ur abo kp fic which is new to me bc i normally dont care abt abo? this isnt shade or bullshit btw i hope i just wanted to ask how u conceptualize gender and sex in abo? tags on the notfic r 100% right btw more trans abo. im always put off by most abo for the idea that cis male omegas basically?? have a cloacae for an anus but also a dick? it feels too alien for a non paranormal genre. do u think anatomy ought to be addressed more or left to suspension of disbelief?

right straight off the bat we're putting this one behind a readmore, because i don't want to wig anyone out. a/b/o be weird.

essentially, the way i conceptualise a/b/o and how gender and sex work is:

male/female - usually identifiable at birth, with obviously some grey area in there for intersex people.

alpha/beta/omega - surfaces during puberty, at which point the body changes in whichever way the subgender inclines.

i usually write it that it's not really possible to tell how someone's subgender will present until it does, because i think the inherent tension between "this is how i was treated growing up" vs. "this is how people treat me now" gives the most room for social commentary, and character growth, which is one of my favourite parts of a/b/o. so everyone's body has the base potential to go any subgender way.

relatedly, one of my least favourite tropes in a/b/o is the trope where a character unexpectedly discovers they're an omega and they hate it and take drugs to make themselves a beta, and they wish they were a beta/alpha and as a reader i just have to sit there like, and the logical ending to this story ISN'T that they're trans????

in fact, this trope irritated me so much that i fully outlined and started writing an original fic where the main character gets the whoops! all omega! reveal and instead of hating it and hiding it, feels fulfilled and more comfortable in himself, because it enables him to put into words and be accepted for aspects of his gender identity that have existed his entire life.

ahem. omega biology. back on track.

male omegas are one of those fandom tropes that i just... choose not to look at too closely. science brain well and truly turned off. because of how the kinnporsche mpreg fic is structured (porsche not knowing he's pregnant, and not knowing he could become pregnant) -- we're probably looking at assbabies for that one, though i usually prefer to go the male omegas are intersex (and female alphas are, as well) route, just because it makes most sense to me. but -- this is fanfic. things only make sparing amounts of sense 20% of the time.

truthfully, i think the question of anatomy depends on the fic. i do think there is a level of suspension of disbelief that is needed to read a/b/o, but to me that's true of all sci-fi. a lot of genre studies essays on sci-fi talk about this idea of a novum, a point of divergence that makes the sci-fi story different from our world. it can be a thing, an idea, a hypothetical. for example, in mass effect, the novum is the mass drivers. in star trek it's the warp core. in the martian, it's leaving a man behind on mars. and with sci-fi, you're not meant to question the novum. it's the foundational part of the universe. sci-fi is the question, "what if [x] was different?"

so with a/b/o, the novum is, well, it's the a/b/o dynamics. "what if human reproductive biology was on crack?" the bits i'm interested in are the answers that spiral out from that question -- i'm not really focused all that much on the question itself.

but, like i said, it depends on the fic. if the fic's question is, "so, if we do have these a/b/o dynamics, how does the biology actually work?" then obviously it's a bit more relevant. but i've only seen one or two a/b/o fic that approach the matter like that.

hope that makes sense!