#truly is taehyun | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

niningtori · 2 months ago

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i know it's over | oneshot

read the alternate ending here!

pairing(s): choi beomgyu x you, kang taehyun x you

summary: you love beomgyu — you truly do — you just wish he loved you back, but after a particularly humiliating night in which he shows you just how little he cares, you finally decide enough is enough. enter kang taehyun, a sweet boy who's the polar opposite of beomgyu; but while you begin to develop your relationship with him, beomgyu realizes exactly what he's missing.

genre: ANGST, romance, hurt/comfort, fluff at the end

warnings: toxic relationships

word count: 7.3k

notes: repost/rewrite of one of my first works (formerly titled: to know him is to love him, and i do) THERE WILL BE AN ALTERNATE ENDING, YES the best friend's little brother!beomgyu au won the poll but i'm so hesitant to post it because i hate it so i thought i'd post this for now until i'm able to edit the other work enough to where it's not an actual eyesore.

you're tired. really tired. exhausted, even, as you stalk through the doorway of beomgyu's apartment. you practically tear off your coat, letting it land harshly on the living room floor with a slight thud. beomgyu rolls his eyes and picks it up with a sigh before hanging it up on the rack.

"i told you it was nothing. why are you freaking out?" he asks flatly.

"she was fucking you with her eyes, beomgyu!" you exclaim in frustration.

"and that's my fault how?"

"it's not your fault, but i'm sick of you entertaining women, let alone your actual fucking ex, while i'm standing right next to you!" his ex is just another fish in the barrel, or at least that's what he says, but the thought that they were intimate together at one point still makes you feel sick. truthfully, your boyfriend is handsome, so you've spent the better part of the past 10 months warding off the women who circle him like vultures. you wouldn't mind as much as you do if he seemed at all interested in helping you do so, especially when faced with his ex that you suspect he still has feelings for, but he does not. quite the opposite, actually. it's like he thrives off of the attention and, god, it hurts.

"i'm not entertaining anybody. i told her i have a girlfriend now," he, well, you would say argues, but it's said so nonchalantly it doesn't warrant the term.

"a girlfriend you proceeded to ignore while she hung off of your shoulders and laughed all night! i just don't understand how you don't understand how much it hurts my feelings. i'm a human, too! how would you feel if my ex, who was very clearly interested in me, hung around me right in front of you?" and it's like you're explaining empathy to a child.

"me? i wouldn't give a fuck because it's not that serious," he replies with a slightly irritated shake of his head.

it's always like this. always. you're always the one who cares more between the two of you. you were the one who asked him out in the first place. you were the one who initiated your first kiss. your first fight. hell, even your first reconciliation. you're not stupid, you know he doesn't feel quite the same way you do, but he has to feel something, right? otherwise, why would he say yes to you when he's rejected so many other women? your brain hurts trying to wrap your head around it all.

"you're missing the point! if you were me, you would—" you begin frustratedly, but you cut yourself off. "you know what? i don't even have the energy to explain this to you. i don't understand why i have to explain basic human emotion to you, and i really don't understand why i have to beg and plead for you to care about how i feel!" you all but shriek.

"you don't have to do shit, just leave if you're that fucking unhappy," he spits out angrily, which is the first real emotion — besides mild annoyance — you've seen out of him this entire conversation. he gets impatient when you're like this, which usually results in you relenting, but not tonight. you're far too hurt to let go so easily.

"you're right! i am unhappy! i just — why don't you care that i'm unhappy? what can i do to make you give a fuck about me?" you have a brave face on but you can feel your eyes getting hot and your voice trembling ever so slightly.

"you could try not being so damn needy, maybe that'd help."

your eyes redden even further and your lips unintentionally twist themselves into a sour frown. you hate it when he calls you needy because you do need a lot from him, it feels like. his time. his care. his attention and affection. yet you never seem to get it.

"do you not love me? like at all?" you ask. all of the venom in your tone has been sucked out mercilessly and you sound more helpless than angry.

"do you not realize how fucking crazy you sound?" he scoffs as if he can't fathom why you'd be upset. as if he's not watching you break down in real time.

"why won't you give me a straight answer?" you question, voice softer than it was before.

he does nothing but scowl, and that's enough of an answer as it stands. he doesn't care. never has. probably never will.

"then why'd you even say yes to dating me?" you truly don't understand. you thought you were different. you thought he saw something in you he didn't see in his harem of other suitors, and trust that there were many.

"i dunno. i was just bored, i guess," he answers with a shrug and your world as you know it collapses. the man you love sees you as nothing more than a way to kill time. he's picking you up right now just to toss you away when the next shiny toy presents itself, and so far, you've let him drag you around because you love him — that's how much you love him — but looking at him now, at how unbothered he is, you wonder if you've even got anything left to give.

"i really do love you," you manage to squeeze out with a bitter smile. your poor heart is on display for the naked eye to see, and it seems like he really couldn't care less, but that won't stop you from asking: "does that mean anything at all to you?"

"well, i'm sorry you feel that way," he says simply, "but that's not my fucking problem."

your heart sinks to your stomach and you feel like you're going to throw up. in this moment, as you watch the love of your life dismiss you like you're a fucking dog begging for scraps of food, you feel an overwhelming sense of clarity as you realize he doesn't love you. he doesn't even like you. he probably hates you, actually. like a mental montage, every moment in which he showed you that exact sentiment plays all at once in your head.

all those times you let him choose everything from movies to dinner because the idea of a compromise was inconceivable. all of those occasions, special and otherwise, where you were supposed to go out on a date, but he'd bail without a word and you'd forgive him with no apology. even something as menial as when you'd offer him your share of dessert because he ate all of his and you knew he wanted more, and he'd take it without so much as a thank you. how you'd sit and listen to him tell stories about how amazing his friends were, but he'd never even ask about your day. when those same friends would jokingly call you the perfect girlfriend, and you thought it was an indication of how good your relationship was, but in reality, it was a way to tease him because the thought of actually being with you was so abhorrent and ridiculous that it must be a joke. nobody likes a desperate girl, after all. all those times you told him you loved him and he'd just smile and kiss you deeper. memories like these flood your brain with a vengeance so cruel it makes your head ache, and in a way, you realize it's ridiculous to be surprised when there was so much proof of his feelings in the first place.

"oh. okay," you say with what you hope is a soft and unbothered laugh, but comes out more as a choked one. "i guess there's nothing left to say. i'll get my shit and go."

you hesitate for a few excruciatingly awkward moments before collecting yourself enough to start gathering your things, which are scattered haphazardly around his apartment from his bedroom to his bathroom. it's like a walk of shame, almost, and you feel even shittier when he plops down on the couch with a long suffering sigh as he begins to massage the bridge of his nose. you feel so small in this moment — like a petulant child who just got done throwing an unsuccessful tantrum — and you're now soaking in the sobering aftermath and sitting with the thought that he just watched you have a meltdown like he was watching a monkey putting on a show. how much more is he going to humiliate you? enough is enough, you think, so before you can actually finish collecting all of your belongings, you're scurrying out of the apartment. before you go, you glance back at him one last time.

"beomgyu?" you ask tentatively, tears clouding your eyes.

"yeah?" he replies with a sigh. this is it, you think.

"i don't want to see you ever again," you say firmly. before he can reply, if he ever intended to in the first place, you slam the door.

there's a lot to love about beomgyu. for one, he's handsome, which is obvious, but he has a certain allure you could never help but be drawn in by. he's always been a charming man, but even more so when he's talking to a woman he's interested in. as interested as he could be, that is. he's funny and comically pompous when he wants to be, but still somehow down to earth despite it all.

he's been described as a mood-maker, and while he grew to resent that term, you thought it was at least partially true, if only in the context of your relationship. when he's sad, you're devastated. when he's happy, you're over the fucking moon. his feelings are your whole world — or were, you guess, since all that's over now.

it wasn't all bad all the time, you think. there were times where you thought he really might reciprocate even a fraction of what you felt for him, and most of the time, that was enough. you could work with that. love looks different for everyone, you would reason. maybe he just had a funny way of showing it.

there were days where you'd laugh together and end the night lying in each other's arms while you'd cradle him like he was the most precious thing in the whole world because, to you, he really was. he was normally so boisterous when with his friends, but while he would never admit it to anyone else, he'd tell you about some of his insecurities while you gently combed your fingers through his long, silky hair. he'd speak of regrets and longing for people to take him more seriously. he'd never say it, but he wanted people to see you like you saw him. the real him. you'd let him cry while your hands cupped his cheeks and you'd shush him while he fiddled mindlessly with your hair like a child. you'd kiss the tip of his reddened nose until he laughed instead of cried. times like those, you'd really think you were someone special to him, but now you realize you were wrong. you were just an outlet for him, and anyone willing to be an emotional dumping ground would do the trick, too.

after a few weeks of moping, your sadness has begun to morph into anger and resentment. you spent nearly a year of your life trying to make an emotionally stunted man care about you, and that's not even counting the years of pining over him before you finally worked up the courage to ask him out. it was difficult to see it in the moment, but after being away from him for so long, it's crystal clear that he was honestly just an asshole who didn't really like you. nothing more, nothing less. maybe he'd find someone to change for someday, maybe he'd even work things out with his ex, but for whatever reason, you weren't her. that's just the way it goes, you guess. what really bothers you are the "what if's" of the situation. what if you were prettier, or smarter, or kinder; would he have seen you for who you really are? would he have grown to appreciate you if you had given him more to appreciate?

either way, there's no use crying over spilled milk now. you won't be going back to him any time soon, and he certainly won't come crawling back to you. you'll continue to think of him less and less until your time together fades into a distant (and unpleasant) memory. you smile at the thought.

the first time beomgyu realizes just how impactful your absence is, nothing in particular happens. it's a regular tuesday night a week or so after your "breakup" and he's bored out of his mind. he showers, listens to music, texts his friends and makes himself dinner, but something is missing.

as he sits on his couch, he realizes what it is: you. right about now, you should be pestering him to hang out and showing up on his doorstep to watch a movie. he'd roll his eyes at first, but eventually relent as long as he got to pick the movie, of course. he wouldn't say it, but he'd actually enjoy glancing over and seeing your reactions. you were comically expressive and every twist and turn of the plot had your eyes bulging and mouth agape, turning to him for confirmation that he was seeing the same things you were. when you watched inception for the first time, it absolutely rocked your world.

he's alone, but he puts on a movie, anyway. every so often, his head turns to the side with the corner of his mouth raised, but you're not there to give a reaction. he should be used to your absence by the third twist, but he still finds himself subconsciously turning to you throughout the rest of the movie. when the credits roll, he's half expecting to hear you chatter on about how crazy it was, but it's silent. the only time that would happen would be when you'd accidentally drift off in spite of how engrossed you were. you'd try to fight it off like a stubborn kid, but would succumb by the final act. he smiles at the memory before shaking his head in disbelief. what's wrong with him?

moments like these plague him more and more frequently, but the most notable one is the night before his first day at a new job. he briefly talks to his friends about his excitement, but he's too embarrassed to divulge just how anxious he is. times like this, he'd come over and complain for however long he needed. you'd sit and nod, asking questions during his pauses to encourage him to continue, always adding appropriate and thoughtful commentary.

his thoughts wander to how you're doing alone. you really love him, it seems, so he can only imagine how you're faring without him. he wishes you hadn't blocked his number so he could at least ask how you are. maybe you'd even tell him you miss him. not for the first time, he begins to wonder if he pushed you too far this time around. you've gotten angry and given him the silent treatment before, sure, but you've never blocked him and you've certainly never done it for so long.

he looks you up on instagram for the first time since your breakup. he's not terribly surprised when he sees he's blocked on there too, but all it takes is a switch to his photography account, which you had forgotten to block, to see what you're up to now.

the first thing he notices is a picture of you sitting outside with an ice cream cone in hand, sun encircling you. your smile is beaming and your eyes are crinkled and he can almost hear your giggle through the screen. the caption reads "ice cream date with my best friend!”

he scrambles through his memories to try to remember a time in recent history when you two did something similar, but he comes up blank. what he does recall, though, is you mentioning a new frozen yogurt place you wanted to visit with him for your birthday. he nodded in response, but he knew he wouldn't go with you, opting instead to get shitfaced with his friends. in retrospect, maybe you knew it, too. he had checked his phone the next morning and saw he had at least half a dozen missed calls and well over a dozen texts from you. when he finally texted you back, you took almost a full 5 hours to respond, which was uncommon. usually, you'd text back within minutes. it occurred to him later on that that was your version of the silent treatment, and it amused him that you could only hold out for a few hours. he honestly found it kind of cute.

he remembers what you did for his birthday. how you had secretly invited his friends over to his apartment to surprise him after an especially shitty day at work. he came home to an elaborately decorated apartment and all of his favorite people greeting him. he remembers how happy you looked when he opened up your present to him, which was the guitar he had always secretly wanted but could never quite justify buying for himself. you were so excited, any spectator would think he had gotten you the gift of your dreams and not the other way around. you were practically buzzing with excitement when he pulled you in for a kiss. his friends had whooped at the display of affection, and you giggled shyly at their reaction. what did he get you for your birthday again? anything?

he spends days pondering over this and similar circumstances, which eventually turn into weeks upon weeks. what starts as a nagging feeling that he may have gone too far in his neglect for you becomes guilt and anxiety. he recalls just how torn up you seemed the last time he saw you. to be honest, at the time, he was mostly just irritated. but he never thought you'd actually leave. all he can see is that awful look on your face when you finally ended everything, and all he can remember is the fact that he put it there. he knows in his heart that he has no right to feel this way, but he feels it all the same.

you would have never imagined you'd actually like somebody other than beomgyu, but taehyun makes it as easy as possible given the sticky circumstances. you met at a club your best friend dragged you to, both you and taehyun had to remain sober (designated drivers, of course) and ended up having a surprisingly engaging conversation amidst the blaring music and strobe lights. after that, the rest is history.

he can tell you've been hurt before, but he gently coaxes you into opening up as you spend more and more time with him. you're afraid of being overbearing and coming across as a lovesick puppy again, but taehyun is gentle and seems to enjoy your attention and affection, even if he's a surface level tsundere. more than that, he actually reciprocates it.

do you still think about beomgyu? of course. do you miss him? well, you'd never admit it to a single soul, but the way you see him in everything has to be an indicator that you do. it's getting better, though. more bearable.

a month or so into your relationship, you post about taehyun for the first time. you don't know why you're so nervous about announcing to the world that you have a boyfriend again, but happiness overwhelms your fear when you're met with nothing but positivity.

beomgyu is shellshocked, to put it mildly. the picture of you and your so-called boyfriend is sickly sweet. it's not over the top or anything—just a candid of you in a café holding hands with him while looking over the same menu. the caption is nothing other than a heart and squirrel emoji (why?) and both he and your best friend are tagged. his finger jumps to the boy's profile and he sees the same photo. he scoffs at the cheesiness of it all, but his heart aches at the way all of your friends have commented on the post expressing their happiness for you — they had never approved of him for reasons he's only now beginning to understand.

you always defended him in front of your friends no matter what he did or didn't do. you'd "comfort" him after your friends said something snarky and explain that they just didn't understand him. you'd say that if they knew the real him, they'd see him differently. at the time, he'd scoff and say something along the lines of "i don't need for them to see me differently because i couldn't give less of a fuck about what they think”. you'd be hurt, of course you would be, but you'd never say so.

more and more, like an outsider looking in, he can see just how awful he was to you. it's to his horror that he realizes this must be the case for you, too. the chances of you getting back together with him seem slimmer and slimmer, especially now that you've got that pretty boy on your arm. your words echo in his mind as if to haunt him: "what can i do to make you give a fuck about me?" leave, apparently, and don't look back.

he can't keep living like this.

a knock on your door is all it takes to ruin your night — you had actually had a really good day up until now. you and taehyun had gone on a breakfast date and napped together until he had to leave in the afternoon, so you're humming now in contentment while applying your nightly skincare, thinking relentlessly about the boy you think you might be starting to love. it feels different from the love you felt for beomgyu, but in a good way. you still think about him and wonder how he's doing, but you always derail that train of thought with a god-given force previously unknown to you. he doesn't care about you, you chant to yourself — it's almost like your daily mantra. in the midst of your thoughts, you hear a knock on the door. you smile widely when you surmise that it's probably taehyun again. you don't realize just how big your grin is until it drops.

standing before you is not your lovely boyfriend, but the man who made you question whether or not you were even lovable in the first place. he has a small smile on his face, and if you were to look a little more carefully, you'd notice that he actually seems a little nervous.

"hi," he says, breaking the silence. his heart is racing a mile a minute, and potential scenarios battered his mind the entire way here. what would you do when you saw him? smile? he could handle that. cry? he could also handle that, even if he didn't want to see your tears. what he is not prepared for is the blankness of your features when you ask:

"what are you doing here?"

his smile falters almost imperceptibly.

"i, uh, i just wanted to see you." you're merciful enough to give him a nod of encouragement to continue. "a-and i wanted to tell you that i haven't stopped thinking about you for the past few months, and that i, um, i think i'm finally ready to be with you," he finishes with a shaky breath.

you're quiet for a moment and squint your eyes as if you're deep in thought.

"but i thought you were dating someone now? your ex?"

"i'm not!" he says almost a little too quickly.

"i heard you were," you counter, not quite believing him. you heard he had been seeing his ex from one of your friends who happened to live in her apartment complex. she had seen his car in the parking lot a few times in the last couple of weeks and had no reason to lie to you.

"w-well, i've seen her a few times, but not seriously. i — to be honest, i was just trying to get over you, but i've finally realized that i can't becau—"

"so, just to make sure i understand, you're not over me so you're seeing her?" his eyes widen in shock before his head hangs in shame as he realizes exactly what he's done and how he must look to you right about now, but you're not finished. "isn't that what you were doing with me?" your voice is low and indifferent, but each word feels tailor-made to slash at his heart. "wow, i guess some things really never change, but don't worry, i'm sure once she moves on, you'll finally see the good in her instead of me," you spit out.

"can you listen to me? please?" beomgyu is so ashamed he wants to die. he fumbles for the right words, but when he accidentally makes eye contact with you, they die on his lips. he wishes you would give him time to process what you're saying and mull over what to respond with because you always knew he was bad with words, but he supposes he lost the right to your patience a long time ago.

"you want me to listen to you so you can fuck with my head until the next person rolls around?" the latter words are strangled by the tightness in your throat, and he can't help but wince. when he thinks it's over, you continue.

"nobody has ever made me feel as small as you have. i hated myself because of you," your lip trembles and before he can say a word, you're raising your hand to shut the door.

"wait, wait, wait! just let me say this," he pleads as he gently grasps the doorframe. "i... i love you." he almost thinks he hears you gasp, but he's too busy looking into your unreadable eyes to know for sure. he has never said anything like this to you before. you're completely silent for a few moments before breaking the tense atmosphere.

"j-jesus, i mean, i guess i just don't know what to say," you sputter and his eyes alight with what looks suspiciously like hope. "except maybe that... i'm sorry you feel that way?" you finish with a sardonic smile and a roll of your eyes. before he can respond, which he actually intends to do this time around, you slam the door in his face.

if you were to ask beomgyu if he loved his ex mere months ago, he'd say he didn't know for sure, but probably. they ended things rather messily, which seems to be a trend for him, but if he really thinks about it, he doesn't know what he liked about her after all. if he had to pinpoint it, he liked the thrill of the chase and the idea of never knowing how explosive things would inevitably get between the two of them. he liked the toxicity. only now does he understand that that wasn't love at all, but some sort of sick game of hurting and being hurt he doesn't want to play anymore. he doesn't want to hurt the people around him, especially not you, but it would appear that that sentiment has presented itself a little too late.

there's always been a lot to love about you. always. you're so kind and so incredibly patient, at least with the people you love. you're thoughtful and intentional with your words and actions. you're not perfect, but you try your best to be a good and fair person. and you listen. like, really listen. the kind of listening where you're not just waiting for your turn to talk, but the kind where you genuinely want to know what the other person has to say. even if he didn't know it at the time, beomgyu always did love you. was it in the way you deserved? obviously, with the way things are now, it's perfectly clear it was not.

even if he does bump into you, it's completely pointless. you made it perfectly clear that you want nothing to do with him. the last thing you said to him echoes in his head with an unspeakable viciousness.

"i'm sorry you feel that way." he didn't realize just how cruel those words were until they were falling from your lips instead of his. he didn't realize just how cruel he was in general.

he ponders over how succinctly you summed up your entire dynamic:

"i don't understand why i have to explain basic human emotion to you, and i really don't understand why i have to beg and plead for you to care about how i feel!" to be honest? he doesn't understand why you had to do that, either.

contrary to what one might suppose about him given his overall shitty personality, he had actually had a pretty good go at life. he was innately able to make the world sit and watch him go, and he wouldn't let anyone forget it. but what should he do since you don't want to watch him anymore? what should he do since you don't want anything to do with him anymore?

as he sits in the extremely uncomfortable chair of his new least favorite bar, he's confronted by this truth over and over again. he's not completely sure why he's even here — he hates this place, but he remembers you mentioning you liked to come here. in hindsight, there's no doubt that that was a way to hint that you'd like to come with him, but what use is it to recognize it now, after all this time?

not much, apparently. or at least that's what his conscience is telling him. he should leave, he thinks. he should stop coming here every night hoping he'll run into you because it's wrong to make you uncomfortable when you've said in no uncertain terms that you don't want him anymore. he should, he should, he should. and he will, really. in just a minute. that's what he tells himself, but he just watches the door as he gets drunker and drunker, still.

he's on the brink of literally passing out when he hears a sound he'd recognize anywhere: your laugh. he actually thinks he's hallucinating just because he wants to hear it so fucking badly, but it takes the sound of your voice to convince him it's real. you're actually here. he's incredibly drunk, so the idea of being tactful escapes him. he can't miss this chance.

you try, and try, and try some more, but you can't seem to forget beomgyu's last words to you. he loves you? you scoff at the idea. does he even know what love is? it doesn't feel like it — truly, it doesn't. if that's what his love feels like, you'd rather not feel it at all.

that's what you keep trying to hammer into your head along with the idea that you're doing well, and you are doing well. seriously. things with taehyun are better than ever and you can really see yourself building a life with him. everything feels so pure and brand new. your feelings for him may lack the intensity that you felt with beomgyu, but that was years in the making, so it's only fair that you nurture the love that's blossoming between the two of you while smothering out the embers of what used to be with beomgyu. it's only right, right? it should be, but the way you're so torn makes your head spin.

so you decide to go to your favorite bar and forget about everything for the night. it's been a long while since you've let loose, and you're excited. you're surrounded by your friends and you're ready to let go. it's only when you excuse yourself to get some fresh air that you realize fate has other plans.

when you're walking to the curb to take a seat, you feel a tug on your elbow and whip around.

"who —" you stop dead in your tracks as your eyes meet with beomgyu's misty ones. the ones you used to love so much.

"hey," he says weakly.

"what do you want?" you seethe while harshly yanking your elbow from his grasp. his lips purse and even in the dim lighting outside of the bar, you can see his eyes water even more. he's always been such a baby when he's drunk.

"i just wanna talk," he pleads. he sounds so out of it and looks so pathetic you almost feel bad for him. almost.

"i have nothing to say to you," you reply coldly.

"but i do." he sounds desperate to a degree that you sincerely never thought you'd hear.

"what, are you gonna tell me you love me again?" you retort with a roll of your eyes. you're obviously being sarcastic, but all he can think in his drunken state is how pretty your eyes shine even when they're impatient to look away from him.

"if you're not gonna say anything, i'm leaving," you snap, turning away, but beomgyu is awoken from his daze and gently pulls you back.

"n-no! i mean, yes. i love you, b-but that's not what i wanted to say."

"well, what did you want to say?" you ask, tone laced with annoyance.

seeing that you'll actually give him a chance to hear him out, he scrambles for a moment before clearing his throat. he’s so anxious that you can see his hands shaking as he wrings them.

"i just want to tell you that i’m sorry. i know i’ve said it before, but i want you to hear it again, and i’ll tell you as many times as it takes for you to believe me. i want to make it up to you — i really do — and i know that i can change. i'm — i just miss you so much i can't stand it. i-if you don’t feel the same way, or don’t care, or however it is, i understand; but i meant it when i said i love you, and i mean it now when i say that i'm so, so fucking sorry," his voice cracks as he finishes and hot tears threaten to find their way down his face.

"beomgyu..." you begin, not really sure what to say. what is there to say? and any hope he has of being with you is almost extinguished when he sees how much you pity him in this moment, but he'll hold on for as long as you'll let him.

"you said you saw the real me. you know i'm not all bad, right? i'm a piece of shit, but i can't be all bad," he pleads, tears now streaming unabashedly from his eyes. maybe if he can just find the right words, you won't leave him.

"beomgyu," you sigh, "i've never thought that about you. i know you're not all bad," his face perks up at this and he's tempted to bury his face in your neck and sob in pure relief. the pain he's been feeling for the past few months is about to be over because you understand him. always have. even though he's like this, you can still see the good in him. just the thought alone is enough to fill him with pure ecstasy. he goes to close the distance between the two of you to pull you into his embrace, but you gently place your hand on his chest before he can come any closer.

"thank you for telling me how you feel, beomgyu, but if you think you can fix everything with a few words, you're delusional." his face crumbles at this and a sense of panic and dread pools in his stomach.

"w-what? b-but you said —"

"i know you're sorry, and i know you'd probably try to make it up to me if i let you, but that's not enough. you really hurt me, okay? and it's just, you know, i'm finally happy now, and i have taehyun. i really like him, beomgyu. and he really likes me," you say with a fond smile, as if you're thinking of taehyun right now, and his heart shatters into a million pieces.

"it's okay," he smiles bitterly, tears still flowing freely. "i... i understand. i just want you to be happy. i want you to be so happy. you deserve it."

"but..."

"go back in," he sniffles. "you don't need to stay here with me anymore." he swipes at his eyes with his sleeve and tries to send you off with a smile, but it's so forlorn, you wish he'd just keep frowning.

"... okay." you turn away, and even though he told you to do it, he can't help but feel an even bigger lump in his throat now that you're actually listening to him.

"beomgyu?" you say softly, before you enter the door.

his damned heart can't help but flutter again against his will.

"yes?"

"don't wait for me anymore, okay?" and he knows you’re being kind, but it feels so final, it hurts more than any hateful words ever could. he should agree, but the ugly and selfish part of him refuses to lie, so he just shakes his head and waves you off. his love is ugly and his heart is broken, but it's still yours to have.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs again to nobody but himself as you enter the bar.

“tyuuunn,” you whine into your phone’s speaker. you can’t tell how it's been since your final conversation with beomgyu, but now you’re drunk and all you can think about is taehyun. about his kindness, how happy he makes you feel, and how much you want to give him all of that in return.

“what is it, baby?” he coos. even in your inebriated state, you can hear the smile in his voice and it makes you wanna smile, too.

“miss youuu,” you groan. he laughs at your childishness, and you can feel just how much he’s doting on you. it’s a relatively new feeling, being cared for like this, but it’s one you welcome with fervor.

“let me pick you up from that stupid bar so you can stay the night. how’s that sound?”

“mmm, hurry up,” you pout, and he just laughs again. god, you’re gonna feel so embarrassed by your neediness come tomorrow morning, and he can’t wait to tease you.

taehyun is so eager to see you, he almost gets pulled over twice while making his way to the bar. he just can’t wait to see how cute you’ll look in his arms, all whiny and grumpy and begging for affection; and he’ll baby you, like he always does, because you deserve it. when he had heard about your appalling history with beomgyu, he couldn’t believe how someone could treat a person as sweet as you so cruelly. truth be told, you do have a bit of a softer personality, but that only evoked the need to protect and cherish you in taehyun. he can’t fathom the idea that somebody would see someone so pure and decide to take advantage instead of nurturing that innocence. his friends keep saying he’s a sucker, and they’re probably right, but he’ll happily be one for you.

he’s lost in his thoughts when he pulls into the parking lot of the bar you’re in, but his dopey grin drops the second he sees your dreaded ex stumbling away from the building. his face is red, and he’s feverishly wiping away tears and snot. taehyun is a smart man, so he can easily piece together what must have happened, but the thought that you were still thinking of taehyun in this moment comforts him. you had run into your ex, and instead of running back to him, you’re thinking of your new boyfriend. what a relief. taehyun has always known you were still a little broken up about your split with beomgyu. he came into this relationship fully knowing that, but he liked you so much, he really didn’t care. maybe it was rash of him, but he thought it was worth taking a chance. he thought you were worth taking a chance, and so far, he had been correct.

he parks and stays in his car. if he were a petty person, he might ignore beomgyu and just walk right by him with his arm wrapped around your waist. taehyun, however, is a good person. so good, in fact, he waits for beomgyu’s friend to pick him up before leaving his car to find you.

when he enters the bar, he scans the crowd before he finds you sitting with your friends. your phone is to your ear and it only takes a few seconds for his own to ring. he smiles when he sees your contact photo (the one you both took on a date to your favorite frozen yogurt shop) appear on his screen. he rejects the call and watches you pout before striding over to you and placing his hand on your shoulder. you turn around with a scowl, but your features immediately melt, and you grace him with a toothy grin. you excitedly squeal and wrap your arms around him. he matches your enthusiasm as he peppers your face with kisses.

beomgyu, who has very unfortunately come back to get his phone, watches it all and it’s enough to make him nauseous. he’s in such a daze as he watches you two that he barely registers his own friend honking at him to hurry up. he sees the afterimage of you leaning into taehyun’s touch and accepts the fact that you’ve truly moved on and won’t be coming back. he replays the last conversation you had and he decides he’ll hold onto your words forever. they’re all he has left, after all.

you’re so used to taehyun’s apartment that even though you’re drunk enough to see stars, you’re still able to navigate it with ease. taehyun sits you down on his couch and kneels while removing your shoes for you.

“so chivalrous,” you giggle.

“anything for my princess,” he replies cheekily with the biggest grin you’ve ever seen.

“why are you so nice?”

“because i like you,” he says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“i like you, too.” you whisper while your face warms. your gaze becomes heated, and he cups your cheeks while gently guiding your face towards his. his touch is soft, and his lips? even softer.

he doesn’t push for more. you’re drunk and vulnerable at the moment, so he graciously grabs some of his clothes for you to change into and waits for you to come to bed. when you do, you plop down and he pulls you into his arms. you smile at his earnestness. he locks his arms around you, and for the first time in your life, a man is making you feel so happy and secure you can’t help but melt into the feeling. you feel safe. you feel loved.

“i really like you, you know?” he whispers into your hair, and it’s all you can do to keep your heart inside of your chest.

“i know. i really like you, too.” and you do. things with taehyun are still new, but as his breathing slows, you realize this is how love should be, and you think you want to be with him for a long, long time.

notes pt. 2: yes there will be an alternate ending where she ends up with gyu :,)

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lexawoah13 · 1 month ago

Text

I Want You

Soobin x afab reader

Synopsis: being the Halloween lover that you are you ask Soobin to dress up with you as your favourite anime couple. However after he avoids you for two weeks and forgets to dress up with you, Yeonjun steps in to make the both of you see how much you both want each other. Which results is his best friend becoming jealous and angry when anyone goes near you.

Warnings: jealously, anger, slut shaming(only slightly), lingering touches and gazes, oral, nipple play, unprotected sex (don’t do that, wrap it up, be safe), degrading talk, costume (it’s Halloween duh)

Features Soobin (of course), Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Kai plus a special appearance from Heesung and Sunghoon from Enhyphen.

Also if you don’t know My Dress Up Darling give it a quick search just to get an idea of what Marin looks like.

Likes, comments and reposts are always appreciated ❤️ you are all the best and I love you all so much!

My asks are always open and so is my tag list! ✌️

Enjoy

Halloween is your favourite time of the year. You embraced every second of it and lived for spooky season. You decorate your entire apartment, you bake fall and Halloween treats, you watch all of your favourite Halloween movies and of course you dress up on the big day.

Even though it wasn’t so popular in Korea, you didn’t miss out. Making the people around you celebrate with you. Including the members of Tomorrow x Together, who you work for but are also your good friends. In particular, Choi Soobin, your best friend who you essentially spend all of your free time with.

So when Soobin agreed to dress up with you this year you couldn’t be more excited. Your best friend (your incredibly sweet, nerdy and sexy best friend who you wanted to climb) agreed to be the Wakana Gojou to your Marin Kitagawa. You both love watching My Dress Up Darling together so the couple's costumes were perfect.

You picked out the perfect costume, thanks to Yeonjun’s help, adding your own little twist on Marin’s classic High School uniform, wanting Soobin to notice you.

However, after showing him the costumes, Soobin became distant. You weren’t sure why, everything seemed fine until now, chalking it up to stress for the upcoming release.

But Soobin wasn’t stressed about the comeback. He was freaking out about you in that uniform and having to be around you in it. Because like you, Soobin also wanted you. This exact scenario has played out in his head a couple of times, ending with you being bent over a desk as he fucks your brains out. So, how in the fuck is he supposed to be around you all day dressed in the same uniform and not pop a massive hard on.

Being the idiots you both are, you had no idea that the other felt the same way about you. On the other hand, everyone else did, much to their dismay at how stupidity you both truly were.

Halloween comes, and Soobin still hasn’t been answering your texts or calls, you get extremely irritated.

“If he didn’t want to do it he could have just said so instead of ignoring me!” You complain to Yeonjun

“He wanted to do it, I know that. I Dunno what’s going on with him y/n I’m sorry”

“It’s alright, you didn’t do anything. I just don’t know what I did to make he act this way��

“I don’t think you did anything” Yeonjun says reassuring you, knowing exactly what’s going on with his best friend. “I think it’s just the comeback. We’re all kinda stressed, you know?”

“Yeah, I get that. I just wish he would talk to me instead of cutting me off” you say solemnly

“Hey, forget Soobin! Dress up and have fun all day like you had planned! If he bails on everything, I’ll be you Halloween date” he nudges your arm and wiggles his eyebrows

Unable to resist, you smile and laugh lightly at his antics “you’re on Choi! If you ditch me though, I’m moving back to *your country*”

“I would never!” He says, holding his hand to his chest as if your words caused him serious pain.

“I know. You’re the best Junnie” you hug him

“Anything for my best girl” hugging you back and kissing your head

“So should I still dress up as Marin?”

“Yes! Just make her sexier, make Soobin regret ditching you”

“You think it’ll work?”

“Oh it will, trust me”

“Okay? So, any suggestions?”

Bringing his hand to his chin in thought, Yeonjun smirks “I have an idea”

While you are lost in the discussion of your upgraded costume with Yeonjun, you’re completely unaware that Soobin had been watching your whole conversation from right outside the room. Jealousy seething through him as he watches you laugh and talk to Yeonjun. Seeing you hug him and Yeonjun kiss the top of your head was what really got to him though. That was your thing.

Yeonjun however had known Soobin was there the whole time, his plan working out perfectly. Soobin was jealous, and you were going to look like walking sex tomorrow. If the both of you don’t end up together after tomorrow, then there’s no hope.

The next day, you walk into Hybe in full costume. Adding Yeonjun’s suggestions, tying your shirt around your waist, turning it into a crop top, hiking your skirt up a little higher to reveal just the curve of your ass, and the white thigh high socks and black converse paired with Marin’s pink contact lenses. Nothing too drastic, but enough to make it sexy.

Yeonjun was already there, wanting to give you a pep talk before Soobin arrived. They were having a photo shoot today, which was another reason for the easy costume. It didn’t require any makeup besides Gojou’s mole under his eye. That is if he even remembered to dress up…

When you enter the room Yeonjun grabs your hand raising it above your head “y/n! Fuck you look good! Give me a spin”

While you spin, Beomgyu and Taehyun enter.

Beomgyu whistles and Taehyun compliments you as well “you look great”

“Great? Fuck if she wasn’t so into Soobin I’d make a move right now!” Beomgyu compliments “you look sexy y/n. And if he doesn’t take you, I will” he winks

“Yeah, you’d have to go through me first” Yeonjun adds in

“Thanks you guys but stop, you don’t have to do that”

“Do what? I’m dead serious” Beomgyu insists, Yeonjun nodding in agreement

“You guys are ridiculous” you laugh at them

Kai walks in and sees your costume instantly recognizing it “Marin!? Y/N you look amazing! I like the additions”

“Thanks Kai!”

“So that just leaves Soobin…”

“I swear to god this man.. if he doesn’t finally fess-“ Beomgyu starts but Taehyun quickly covers his mouth

“Shut up!” He angrily whispers “that’s for him to tell her, not you!”

“True, doesn’t make it any less frustrating though. Soobin is dense as hell sometimes” Yeonjun adds

“I'm gonna start setting up so we don’t run behind! You guys feel free to do whatever!” You say to them while you set up your station at the vanity. They all head to the couch and relax. It was still 5am after all and they were working themselves to the bone.

They sit on their phones and some shut their eyes. Yeonjun notices the time and Soobin should already be here. “Anyone hear from Bin?”

“Nope” terry responds “he’s late”

“I’ll text him” Yeonjun opens their conversation which was already spammed with worried messages from the last week and a half

‘SOOBIN!

Where the fuck are you?’

‘I can’t come’

‘The fuck?’

‘I’m sorry hyung i can't’

Yeonjun mutters under his breath “this mother fucker” dailing his number

“Listen-“ Soobin answers

“NO YOU LISTEN!” Yeonjun whisper yells at him hoping you don’t hear him. “Get your sorry ass down here now before I beat the living shit out of you. I’ll bring Taehyun” threatening his leader

“Hyung you don’t understand!”

“I DO UNDERSTAND! FUCK! I’ve been sitting here looking at her and yeah I get it, it’s really hard to not wanna fuck her, not gonna lie. But Soobin I swear to god if you don’t get your ass here in the next five minutes she’s fair game!”

“Hyung n-“ Yeonjun hangs up on him

“You serious?” Beomgyu asks

“No, but he’ll be here. Speaking of, let's give him a little push, hey?”

Mischievous smirks take over Beomgyu and Yeonjun’s faces, Taehyun looking kinda scared while Kai has no idea as he peacefully sleeps.

Moments later you walk over to the 4 men on the couch, “we should probably start getting you ready. Who wants to go first?” you ask,

“I’ll go first” Taehyun pops up

“Okay come over when you're ready” you smile at him before going back to your station, gathering the products you need for him.

“Okay Tae, you’re setting the pace, make sure when he comes in your-”

“Yeah, yeah I know. I’ll be lightly flirting. This feels wrong”

“Just turn on your big boba eyes and smile at her, that's enough to set him off”

Taehyun’s eyes widen before he turns and walks over to your station, sitting down and turning on his charm. Bright smile and big eyes looking at you with full attention, not even bothering to look at the door when he hears it open. Laughing and talking to you trying to keep your eyes from looking at Soobin to begin their plan. He’s mostly successful, you only turn to look at him for a split second, confirming it was him walking through the doors and then turning your attention back to Tae. You were mad at Soobin after all, he’s been ignoring you for weeks and you don’t even know why. What really ticks you off though, is that he didn’t end up wearing the costume after all. Confirming to you that your best friend really didn’t care about you in the way you had hoped for, and maybe not at all. So wanting to show him you were unbothered, you continued feeding into Taehyun’s weird flirty behaviour and flirted back. Leaning in a little closer than usual, laughing a little too much, hoping Soobin would notice and see you were completely unbothered.

Yeonjun leans over to Beomgyu to whisper in his ear before Soobin makes it to the couches, paused in his walk over staring at you and Taehyun flirting with each other. “You text Heesung?”

And Beomgyu nods “he bringing anyone?”

“Yep, Sunghoon.”

“Perfect” Yeonjun sits back, smiling that his plan is coming to fruition. Chirping out to Soobin to bring him over “you’re late”

Soobin looks over his shoulder at him, then back at you, then at Yeonjun before making his way to the couch, looking at you over his shoulder the whole time.

“What is Taehyun doing?” he asks concerned

“What do you mean?” Kai asks, he was quickly filled in on the plan. Now playing along with his role.

“He’s, I donno... He’s flirting with Y/N”

“How? He seems normal to me..” Beomgyu taunts

“No he definitely is. He’s using his full endearing charm on her right now. Look, I don't think his eyes could get any bigger and he won’t even blink. The fuck is going on I didn’t even think he thought of her like that?” Soobin’s tone increased in anger as he analysed you two.

“I think you’re overreacting Soob” Kai says “He’s just being himself.”

“Pft. yeah. Right. Sure.” he huffs and plops down on the couch next to Yeonjun, folding his arms and pouting

“If you would have told her how you felt already this wouldn’t be happening right now.” Yeonjun teases.

Soobin shoots him a look of disgust because he knows he’s right. He then returns his sights to you, noticing Taehyun holding you by your hand and lingering his fingers on yours, before coming over to sit down with his members. “Huning she’s ready for you” he says before sitting down next to him.

“Thanks Hyung” Kai smiles and basically skips over to you, giving you a huge hug, lifting you up and making you laugh “Kai stop!”

Soobin immediately scowls and turns to Taehyun, asking “what the fuck was that?”

“Hi to you too Soobin. What are you talking about?” He asks with just as much bite

“You know exactly what I'm talking about. What was that with Y/N?”

“Nothing? We were talking and stuff like we usually do..?”

“Don’t give me that bullshit you had your cute, and charming Taehyun act on with your big ass eyes and smile.” Soobin is seething, and Beomgyu and Yeonjun can’t help but smirk at how well this was working already, knowing it’s only gonna get worse.

“Soobin, you need to chill. You’re being paranoid. I wasn’t doing shit. You’re just jealous because she looks incredible right now, and you haven’t done anything about it yet.” Taehyun spits the facts at him, looking dead into his eyes before sitting back and crossing his arms knowing he won that argument. Even if Soobin was right and he was flirting with you.

Soobin can only sulk in annoyance at the truth. Looking over he sees you and Kai laughing about god knows what. But you were always like that with him. Maybe he was just over reacting. Starting to settle down a bit, the door shoots open revealing two people he definitely didn’t want seeing you in that outfit.

“Heesung, Sunghoon, what's up!?” Beomgyu calls out.

You and Kai both look at them, you smile and wave at them to greet them “hey!”

Just as Beomgyu asked them to, the Enhyphen members totally ignore them sitting on the couch, and walk directly over to you, even ignoring Kai.

Heesung leans against the vanity enclosing you between the chair, Sunghoon and himself. Putting on his best seductive face and says “Hi Y/N. You look nice all dressed up today”

You laugh at him and tuck a loose hair behind your ear acting shy “Really? You think so Hee?”

“Mmhmm. You look real good”

“Yeah you look incredible y/n” Sunghoon says, running his hand along your arm before you enclose him in a hug

“Thanks Hoonie”

You and Sunghoon were actually friends outside of work, much to Soobin’s dismay. Park Sunghoon was prince level gorgeous and Soobin knew that. He was always jealous of Sunghoon because he knew if Sunghoon asked, you would be his and honestly Soobin couldn’t blame you. If Sunghoon asked Soobin to date him, he’s pretty sure even he would say yes. So when you oh so happily hug him as his hands drift lower and lower down your back, squeezing you in tight, Soobin’s knuckles turn white from how tight he’s clenching his fists.

“Hoonie?” He asks in disgust “Thanks Hoonie” mimicking your voice under his breath

“Hmm? What was that?” Yeonjun asks hearing fully what he said

“nothing“ Soobin huffs, his legs shaking up and down fastly in annoyance.

“Sure” Yeonjun teases before he stands up and walks over to their visitors, Beomgyu and Taehyun right behind him. “Can’t be rude”

“Tcht” Soobin scoffed again, reluctantly standing up. Beomgyu and Yeonjun subtly fist bumping.

Soobin just watches in disgust as Heesung and Sunghoon’s eyes never leave you. Scanning your body up and down when you're not looking, then looking oh so intently at your eyes and lips when you were talking to them. Soobin has indents from his nails in his palms from trying to hold back his anger. Everyone’s circled around you while you work, taking in and ogling your body as you slightly bend over to attend to Kai’s makeup. Bending over causes your skirt to rise even more, revealing the curve of your ass. Soobin wants to just carry you away and hide you from everyone's sight. Keeping you all to himself

“Alright Kai you’re all done my sweet”

“Thanks y/n”

“Who’s next?” You ask turning around and smiling, bumping into Yeonjun who’s right there

“Me” he says, keeping eye contact while you both turn around until he’s sitting in the chair.

“I was gonna ask for a turn” Heesung laughs

“And what could I ever do with your pretty face Hee?” You tease, grabbing his chin and shaking his head slightly, making him blush unexpectedly.

“Maybe we should request you for our next shoot, you are are really good Y/N” Sunghoon

“Yes, you totally should! I’d love to work with you guys at least once!” You excitedly respond

“Awesome I’ll tell our manager to request you then!”

“Hey hey hey! No one said you could steal our makeup artist. She’s ours!” Beomgyu pipes up

“Hey she said she would so maybe she needs a new group that will treat her right” Sunghoon winks, taking your hand and kissing it

“Oh my god Hoon stop” you giggle ”My txt boys treat me just right thank you. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t work with you though” blowing him a smooch of appreciation

“Say the word pretty and we will take you in a heartbeat”

The flirting with Sunghoon has become too much and Soobin has to leave the room before he punches his stupidly pretty perfect face in.

“Hey! Where are you going Hyung?” Kai asks noticing him leave

“To piss” he snaps back. His tone not being missed by anyone, Kai follows after him

“Hyung!” Kai has to run to catch up to him “Soobin wait up!”

Soobin turns and snaps at him “what do you want?!”

“Woah what is wrong with you? I’m just checking on you”

Soobin feels bad and releases a loud exhale “it’s just… Ughh fuck everyone is all over y/n and I’m gonna punch someone” rubbing his hands down his face

“So doesn’t that tell you everything? Just tell her how you feel! God Soobin, if you’re that jealous of everyone around her you clearly love her. Tell her before she goes with someone else” Kai states sincerely

“But-“

“But what? You don’t think she likes you back? Soobin.. UGHH-“ Kai says in annoyance “for fucks sake she’s literally dressed as Marin Kitagawa right now. Why do you think that is?”

“Did you just curse?”

“Yeah I curse when I’m extremely frustrated FOCUS!”

“Cause she like My Dress Up Darling” he says completely clueless

Throwing his arms up and head back, Kai almost screams, holding it in with tight lips.

“Hyung you have to be the densest person I know” patting him on his shoulder before he turns to walk back to the room.

“The hell does that mean?”

Exhaling deeply, Kai turns back to him “if you think she likes that anime just because it’s “good”, you truly are an idiot. She likes it so much ‘cause she watches it with you. And how similar you both are to Marin and Gojou.”

“What are you talking about?” Soobin asks literally having no idea what Kai is talking about.

“Figure it out your fucking self!” Waking away

Soobin is left alone, thinking over what Kai said. Not piecing any of it together. Sure Gojou likes Marin and he likes you but… making the most literal assumption about the characters, he can only think he doesn’t make clothes and you don’t cosplay. Not thinking that you could ever like him the way Marin likes Gojou.

He goes to the bathroom and splashes cold water on his face trying to cool his temper. Taking deep breaths the whole way back before he enters, and sees Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Heesung and Sunghoon closely huddled around you. Yeonjun leaning forward gliding his fingers up and down your exposed thighs to the hem of your skirt.

Immediately returning to his enraged, jealous self as you look over to him with not a bit of emotion on your face. Only to return to Yeonjun with the largest smile on your face at something he said, applying something to his lips.

Sunghoon places his hand low on your back as he pretends to lean in to observe your work.

“Kay Junnie you’re all done! Beomgyu your turn”

“Hey y/n can you give me some of that too?” Heesung asks, moving a piece of hair from your shoulder, twirling it around his finger.

“What? The lip balm? You literally have it”

“Yeah but I don’t have it on me and my lips are feeling dry” he playfully pouts

“Yeah, mine too, would you mind? Please?” Sunghoon asks sweetly

“Umm.. yeah sure” you grab your lip applicators and turn to Heesung, who’s sitting on the vanity to come to your height. Parting his lips, looking into your pink coloured eyes with his seductive gaze. Honestly making you lose your breath for a minute. You apply the balm to his lips making them even plumper and more enticing than before. You turn to sunghoon “Hoon can you come a bit lower? I can’t really reach”

“No worries pretty, I got you” grabbing your waist to steady you as you raise up on your tiptoes to reach his plump lips. Gazing into his eyes once again hitching your breath. These men were doing something to your head and you were starting to lose your composure. diverting your eyes back to his lips, you swipe the last of the balm on his lips. Sunghoon rubs them together before smiling his pointy canine smile simply saying “thanks pretty” lowering you to be flat on your feet.

“N-no problem” you stutter and turn to Beomgyu “ready Gyu?”

“Never been more ready y/n” smiling while gazing into your eyes

“Oookaayy?” You draw out the word. Wondering what is going on.

Yeonjun leans in on the side opposite of Soobin staring at you, making sure he would see, and whispers in your ear sensing your confusion “just go with it” looking at him with confusion he winks at you, and you just nod.

You move to start applying makeup to Beomgyu’s face, but Heesung cuts in “Hey, we’re gonna head out. Our schedule starts soon.”

“Oh already? It was great to see you, Hee!” you give him a hug and he squeezes you tightly around your waist, nuzzling his head into your neck.

“Great to see you to Y/N! I’m serious about you working with us though”

“Then make it happen” you wink, turning to Sunghoon “Bye Hoonie, it was so good to see you” giving him a hug as well, but Sunghoon lifts you off the ground spinning while he holds you tight. Lifting you above his face saying “Good to see you too, Pretty. Let's hang out soon, yeah?” smiling as he lowers you back to the ground.

“Yeah, that would be great! I miss you”

“I miss you to y/n. Catch up over dinner?”

“Deal” you smile. Your hand lingers in his and Sunghoon brings it up to his lips, placing a soft kiss on it before letting go and turning to walk away.

“Later guys!”

“See you on league later?” Beomgyu asks

“Definitely! Later” Heesung raises his hand in a goodbye before walking past Soobin, bumping into his shoulder.

Sunghoon walks right behind him, and looks at Soobin before letting out a small chuckle, seeing the rage on his face.

You return to your job, and begin on Gyu. Laughing and talking the whole time as usual. But knowing how angry Soobin is you start to get concerned as you watch him storm over to the drink table.

“What is going on with him?” You whisper, asking Beomgyu.

Leaning forward, he whispers “Donno, but he’ll get over it” he begins to run his fingers along the top of your thigh high socks, dipping his fingers just underneath, nestled between your skin and sock. Gently gliding across your skin as he continues his mindless act. This wasn’t anything new for Beomgyu. He tends to mindlessly do this to everyone who has some sort of exposed skin but, you can tell something is different from the way he is looking at you. But trusting Yeonjun you just go with it, knowing they wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.

As Soobin walks past you he stops dead in his tracks, watching Beomgyu’s hands ghost over your exposed thighs. You could practically see the steam coming from his ears.

The other three men on the couch started to get concerned, with Kai asking “you guys sure this is okay? He might murder Beomgyu”

“I’ve never seen Soobin look so angry,” Taehyun added. That is until Beomgyu looks over at Soobin while you grab a product from the table and gives him Soobin a shit eating grin.

“I take that back! Now I’ve never seen him look so angry” Kai stands up to pull Soobin to the couch “hyung, breathe.”

“I’ll breathe after I fucking kill him” Soobin seethes

“No you won’t! Just calm down”

“Calm down?! Calm down? Are you serious right now? I’ve been watching the fucking lot of you touch and flirt with her all day! You’re all lucky I haven’t snapped yet! But now, now he dies” he starts move but Taehyun grabs him and shoves him onto the couch

“Calm down” Taehyun demands as he holds Soobin on the couch.

“Fuck off and let me go”

“No you need to calm down”

“Like fuck”

“You’re gonna scare her so calm down!”

“What’s going on!?” You cut them off, concern evident in your voice

Soobin instantly freezes enough for Taehyun to let go of him.

Yeonjun speaks up “nothing! Soobin is just a little… sensitive today”

“Everyone nods except Soobin who can’t take his eyes off of you. Jealousy and anger are still very present inside him.

”okay… well I’m ready for you Soobin”

“Everyone out” Soobin calmly demands

“What?” Yeonjun asks

“EVERYONE OUT!” The leader yells, shocking everyone “NOW!”

They all stand to leave but not before telling you they won’t be far if you need them. Questioning if they pushed him too far.

“Woah Soobin, what’s up?”

“What’s up?” He laughs manically “what’s up!? Are you fucking serious right now?”

“Seriously, what is going on with you right now?”

He stands up leaving no room between your bodies, looking down at you “you! You and everyone all over you. This is what you wanted right? everyone’s attention? Wearing this fucking excuse for a costume, you’re basically asking for it.”

“EXCUSE ME?!” You raise your voice at him, livid at his accusations, taking a step backwards.

“Oh like you don’t fucking know. Hiking up your skirt, leaving your buttons undone, and adding those fucking thigh high socks. It’s a far cry from Marin’s uniform! Looks like you clearly after something” spitting his words at you in anger he tried to get closer but you continue to step backwards until you hit the wall behind you. Caging you in, he raises his arms to rest on either side of your head.

“Choi Soobin I know you’re not slut shaming me right now over a fucking costume!” You yell

“Damn right I am y/n! What the actual fuck were you thinking?”

“Why the fuck does it matter to you Soobin!? what I do is none of your business! Besides you haven’t even talked to me in the last two weeks!”

“I’m your fucking friend and I’m trying to look out for you!”

“No your just jealous because other people noticed me and had enough balls to actually make a move”

“I know what they’re like Y/N they’d just use you for their fun and then everything would be fucking ruined”

“WHAT IF I WANT TO BE USED SOOBIN? HUH? Ever think of that? Ever think I wanna be fucked?”

“GO FUCK THEM THEN!”

“You’re actually ridiculous you know that” scoffing at him

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean y/n?”

“Since you think you know everything I actually wore this for YOU. I thought I’d try to make you fucking notice me for once. We were actually supposed to dress up as Marin and Gojou together, but you forgot about that! I wanted to dress up together so maybe once you would actually see me as more than your friend. Someone you’d like to fuck. So no Soobin I didn’t do this to randomly fuck someone or for anyone else to notice me. I WANTED YOU!” Anger and hurt flow through your words at everything he’s just said to you, slamming your hands into his chest.

Soobin freezes, staring at you in shock as all the anger starts to fade. His voice barely audible as he asks “what?”

You just stare back at him, your eyes darting between his as you try to gauge what he’s thinking right now. “I want you to notice me. I want you Soobin” almost on the verge of tears but calmly telling him how you feel.

Soobin’s eyebrows are furrowed in confusion and his eyes are wide, as his mouth hangs open. His brain runs blank of words to say. Just repeating your last words over and over again. Silence hanging between you for too long and you waver.

“I get it, you don’t see me that way. I just thought I’d just take a chance… forget what just happened and that I said anything. Sit down, I have to do your makeup” you side step under one of his arms, removing yourself from the cage his arms enclosed you in. Walking to your makeup station, grabbing your brush belt and getting the products for his application. Busying yourself to stop the tears from spilling down your cheeks.

He stands there. Still and not moving, leaning against the wall, just stuck in a loop repeating the words you said over and over. But the longer he stands there the harder your words hit him. He finally knows you want him the way he wants you.

“Soobin! Please just forget everything and let me do this. You’re gonna be late” continuing to organize the things you will need.

Making up his mind, Soobin turns, and takes long strides toward you.

“Soobin please-“ as you turn around he crashes his lips into yours cradling you face in his hands

“Soobin- what- stop” you make out between kisses

“Shut up” he demands, picking you up by your plush thighs, walking to the mirror and sitting you on the desk. Not once stopping his attack. His hands roam your thighs and hips, squeezing and caressing as he pleases.

Migrating his kissing down your neck, needing to taste more of you.

“Soob- what.. mmhmm- what are you doing?” barely making out the words as your brain fogs with desire.

“Noticing you, like I have been since I fucking met you” he quickly says before attaching back onto your neck.

“Wha-“

Groaning, he grips your hair at the base of your neck, tugging back to make you look up into his eyes, “I noticed you. I notice you the second our eyes lock, and everytime you’re remotely near me. I’ve always wanted you Y/N. That's never been a question” Soobin states, eyes locked on yours leaving no room for doubt.

“Well you’ve never shown it!” you snap, angry again because how has he been able to hide this from you for so long.

“I didn’t think you wanted me. I’m not going to pressure you into doing something you don’t want. Especially if it meant losing you and not having you at all.”

“Soobin I-”

“I’ve always wanted you Y/N” he cuts you off and pushes his hips into yours. Showing you how much he means it, grinding his hardened cock against your soaked core. Both of you are panting heavy trying to catch your breath, looking at one another, darting between your eyes and lips.

You breathlessly whisper “then take me”

Soobin lips crash back onto yours before the final syllable leaves them. The kiss is heated, messy, and all over the place. Teeth clash as your tongues fight for dominance. Months of built up sexual tension between you two, finally being released in the most heated way possible. Both wanting more as your hands roam each other’s bodies, pulling on the fabric covering your skin, needing as much contact as possible.

Soobin makes quick work of your shirt, untying the bottom and ripping open the only button you had fastened, eliciting a shocked gasp from you.

Chuckling he says “you’ll be fine, you barely had it on anyways” kissing your collarbone

“That a problem for you?”

“Only when others can see you” Biting your skin to punctuate his statement. Leaving a purple mark in its place.

“Jealous are we?” You taunt

Coming back to eye level he states “I don’t like people touching what's mine”

“And I’m yours?” you slyly question

“You are now” he says, pulling your bra down to reveal your breasts, groping them with his large palms. “You’re mine Y/N” pinching your nipples when he says your name, claiming your lips with his. You start grabbing at his clothes, pulling his loosely tucked shirt out of his pants, sliding your hands underneath to feel his skin. Running your hands along his abs and slim waist isn’t enough for youz, “off” “off now” you whimper during the short break of kissing. But he doesn’t hear you, continuing to kiss you roughly. Pushing him back off of you, seeing the hunger in each other's eyes you command him “take off your shirt”. The fabric is pulled over his head and on the floor in a split second, and he tries to resume his previous work. But you stop him, holding out your hand to his chest. “Lemme see you”

It’s not like you haven’t seen him shirtless before, but it’s different. Watching his chest rise and fall quickly, the light sheen of sweat coating his skin. His abs flex as he tries to control himself, allowing you to see what you want. As you admire him you reach around your back, quickly undoing your bra and throwing it at him. Leaning back, you tilt your head and bite your lower lip, beckoning him to come to you as you curl your index finger in.

“Fuck you’re so hot” pouncing back on you as fast as he can. Hands enveloping your bare chest, as his lips attach to your neck, wanting to cover you in marks. Your fingers tangle in his hair as your head falls back, your moans and whimpers leading him further and further down your torso, a trail of wet, open mouthed kisses left in his wake. One he meets your navel, he looks up at you, giving your approval with a slight nod. His palms ride up your thighs until he reaches your skirt, flipping it up to show your soaked core. Your white panties basically see through from your slick, clinging to your folds.

“Oh fuck you’re soaked baby. Need to taste.." His words trail off as he leans in and firmly glides his tongue over your heat through your panties. A low groan sounds from deep in his chest, savouring the sweet taste of you on his tongue. Pushing the tip of his tongue against your folds, running it up and down excruciatingly slowly. You’re saccharine moans fueling him to tease you even more, slowly driving you crazy.

“Soonin please” you plead

“Hmmm?” he hums against your still covered core, the slight vibration ringing through your clit that he’s currently attending to.

“More please bin! Please” you plead again, irritation starting to build inside you. It felt good but you wanted more, you wanted to feel his tongue on you.

He ignores you, content where he is. Building speed but still over your drenched garment.

You still call to him, wanting more from him “Bin.” “Bin please” “more” “fuck Soobin” “SOOBIN!”

Irritation runs hot through your body, needing to punish him for his neglect and his actions earlier. He wants to be a brat, so be it.

You glide your fingers through his hair on the top of his head, starting soft and almost petting him leaving no room to suspect anything from you. When you feel he’s relaxed enough, you grip his hair harshly, pulling a loud hiss from him, and pull him off you.

“What the fuck?” he barks at you

“You don’t listen” scolding him while still pulling his hair firmly, knowing it hurts. “If you listened I'd be coming on your face right now, but you had to be a greedy brat.” You push your panties to the side with your free hand and start circling your clit while his face is mere inches away. Eyes glued to your fingers while you please yourself “‘m sorry, please let go baby, please” weakly begging without ever looking at your face

“I don’t think so” bringing his face closer but just out of reach of his tongue being able to touch you. “That's a pathetic excuse for an apology” you glide your fingers down and plunge your middle and ring fingers inside your pulsing hole. Sinfully moaning at how good it feels. Taking them out you show him how wet they are “see Binnie. Could have been you instead but, you had to be a greedy brat” returning to rub your clit in front of him.

Whining he apologizes again “oh fuck, Y/N i’m so sorry, let me taste you again. Please!”

“Hmmm, i donno.. I feel pretty good right now, maybe I don't need you” moaning as you speed up your fingers.

“PLEASE Y/N! Won't do it again please! Wanna make you cum.” his eyes finally come up to yours and they’re watering as if he might actually cry if he watches you cum by yourself and not because of him. Without uttering a word you pull his hair crashing his face back into your cunt. The most beautiful moan rips from Soobin’s chest when he tastes your bare skin. His tongue immediately finding your clit, wanting to make you cum. He lifts one of your legs over his shoulder, giving even more access to you and slides your panties off “these need to go” he exhales, still captivated by your bare pussy in front of him. Quickly returning to your heat, his tongue prods at your dripping opening, devouring every last drop he can find before plunging the muscle in. Your grip tightens on his hair, pulling him in even more, moaning as he finally gives you what you want.

“Good boy Binnie” you praise, unknowing what that would do to him. Soobin’s eyes roll into the back of his head, his deep groans sending pleasure through you as his tongue is still inside you. His already hard cock gets even harder, twitching against his pants, begging to be freed. Soobin replaces his tongue with three long fingers, finding the perfect rhythm against your spongy spot while deliciously stretching you. His mouth attached to your clit, sucking the sensitive nub relentlessly. Wanting to hear those words come from your mouth again he’s willing to do anything.

Your words are almost incoherent through you moaning “Oh fuck Bin! So good-” “oh fuck don’t stop” and he has no intention of stopping until you cum, even if he stops breathing. He would love nothing more than to die this deep in your pussy. “Aghh- Fuck- mm- Gonna- gonna cum” Light headed, Soobin doesn’t stop, craving your orgasm just as much as you were. With one final high pitched moan, you come undone. Your juices cover soobin’s fingers, dripping down his hand, while your essence covers his face. Sucking and licking up every last drop of you until you're clean, sucking off what’s left on his fingers and hand. Looking up and smiling at you as he does so “mmm all clean”

You can’t help but compliment him “good boy”

His face and chest flush deep red, as his breathing stops. You swear you can see the chill run down his spine. “You like that, Binnie? When will I call you a ‘good boy’?

He nods stiffly, until the can verbally assure you “yes”

“Well, how about my good boy come over here and get his treat?” You bring both of your feet to the top of the desk, keeping your legs open, spreading your folds with your fingers to show him your needy hole.

“Fuck” he exhales as he comes to you, cock throbbing to be inside you already. He quickly undoes the button on his pants, along with the zipper, dropping them to his ankles. Before removing his briefs he looks at you, making sure this is what you want.

Sitting up and tilting your head to the side you can’t help but smile at him, a slight chuckle behind your question “what's wrong Binnie?”

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” he hesitantly asks, if you say no he might die. He’s not sure he can live after this if you say no.

“Do you want this Bin?” you question back, smiling kindly at him as you sit up. Radiating kindness in your eyes, you reach for his hands.

“Fuck i’ve never wanted anything more in my life Y/N” he avoids your hands, insteading holding your head to his. Hoping you can feel how sincere he is.

“Soobin, I want this. I want you. I want you to fuck me. Right here. Right now.” your hands reach for the waistband of his underwear, hooking your fingers around it and pulling them down as you say against his lips “I want you to fuck me like I’ve always wanted” ending the sentence with a kiss to his lips as you let his briefs fall around his ankles with his pants, fully exposing his member to the cold air surrounding you. Parting from his lips, you look down to finally see the dick you’ve fantasized about for so long. “Holy fuck” you gasp under your breath, wrapping your fist around his thick shaft. “Bin you’re huge..” your voice drifts off as you oggle him, stroking him up and down, rubbing your thumb over his precum covered head. You let a drop of your spit fall from your mouth, using it to lubricate your hand.

“Mmm fuck- alright enough of that!” Soobin removes your hand from his member, pushing you to your back and aligning himself with you. “You ready love?” lightly pushing his tip against your opening.

“God yes Soobin please!” You whine desperate for him to be inside you.

“Thank god! I don’t think I can hold back any longER” gliding past your opening, slowly sheathing himself fully inside you. Rubbing every nerve along your sensitive walls.

Both of you moaning in harmony, finally together as you both fantasized about. Soobin’s cock was not for the weak. It reached so deep inside you, you could see it bulge through your stomach, while his girth stretched you so sinfully good that tears came to your eyes.

“you okay Y/N?” Soobin asks, concerned after seeing the wetness on your lashes.

“”M good Binnie, So fuckkingg good” you moan in response

“Mmkay pretty, Can I move then?” he chuckles lightly at how fucked you are right now

“Please. Fuck Binnie please” you beg

Sliding his hips back you both hiss in pleasure. Pulling back until his tip is all that remains inside you, he thrusts back into you.

“UGhh Bin” his hips pick up speed, his tip pressing against your cervix with every thrust.

“Fuck baby you feel so good”

“Fill me-uuughh- so good”

“Perfect pussy. So perfect. My pussy all mine” Soobin massages your breast with his hand, his other gripping tightly onto your hip. Praises are spit out in between the erotic sounds being made.

“Close Bin- fuck i’m so close”

“Me to baby me to”

“Want you to cum inside” You can feel Soobin’s cock twitch inside you, causing you to clench around him.

“Oh fuck!’ He moans “you serious Y/N?”

“Yes! Want your cum Soo-BIN” your voice hitches as his hips harshly slap into yours.

“Want my cum? Want me to fill your pretty pussy?” His voice takes a different tone, sounding deeper and sexy, dominant. Feeling your clench around him as he spoke to you this way pushed him further. Pulling out, he flips you around, pushing back in, his hips slap against your ass a couple of times before he bends forward. He lifts your leg up onto the desk, resting your weight on your knee while he wraps his long arms around your chest and stomach lifting you up. You can see everything. You’re smudged lipstick, black smudges of mascara, his messy hair pushed off of his forehead as he smirks at you. The way his fingers are working quick circles around your clit while the other is toying with your breast, squeezing and pinching your nipple. But your eyes are locked lower on the mirror. Locked on the sight of Soobin’s cock sliding in and out of you. The visual has you shaking in his arms, drooling at how good his cook looks filling you, anticipating what it will look like when his cum is shooting inside you, dripping out when he pulls out of your throbbing cunt.

“Look how sexy you are, Y/N. See how well you take my cock baby?”

“So gooood-”

“My pretty girl can’t talk? My cock making you stupid?”

“Mmhmm” you whine “wan- wanna cum”

“You wanna cum baby? Wanna cream all over my cock?” he teases, biting your neck. You can only moan in response. “I’ll take that as a yes” he chuckles against your skin, before whispering “Cum for me Y/N” giving you one last deep thrust to push against your sweet spot, and you crumble. The band inside you snaps, hard, pink coloured eyes rolling to the back of your head as you clench around his length as your cum coats him.

“Good job baby. So good for me” he praises you, kissing your shoulder as he works you through the last ripples of your orgasm. Completely spent, your head falls back against his shoulder, only being held up by Soobin’s arms wrapped around you.

“Holy fuck bin” you breathlessly say

He chuckles “what?” starting to slowly glide into you again

Moaning, already overly sensitive from just cumming, you tell him “you’re fucking cock, jesus”

“Mmm? What about it, Y/N?” he hums in your ear, upping the intensity of his movements ever so deliciously. Dragging along your gummy walls

“ohH fuucckk”

“What about my cock Y/N?”

“So good- cock’s so good” you cry out, Soobin’s cock hitting deeper inside you again, searching for his own orgasm now.

“You need to be more specific, baby. Tell me what is it about my cock that you like so much”

You have no idea where your usually shy and bashful best friend is right now because the man fucking you right now is very different. Different in the sexiest way possible. “Never knew you were so dominant Bin”

He laughs, deeply in his chest “Talking back now are we?”

You look at him through the mirror and smirk, raising your eyebrows in a challenge wanting to push him even further.

“Alright then” he lets go of your body, and pushes you down flat to the desk “fine, be a brat”.

The slapping sound echoes throughout the room, the stinging pain where his hand made contact with your ass caused you to cry out. Fucking you harder than he had before, using you for his own need, taking out the remaining frustration he has from earlier.

“Gonna talk now?”

“Why would I do that, Binnie?” you pant between breathes as he fucks into you harder and faster.

Your reddened cheek is met with another harsh slap, making you arch your back and clench around his cock, “fuck!”

“Oh you like that. Not such a good girl afterall. Baby likes it rough huh?” Giving you another slap, you confirm everything he just said. “Mmm my baby likes it rough. You like it when I spank you, pretty girl? Like it when I'm rough?” spanking you on the other cheek now you cry out in pleasure. “Fuck youre so hot you know that? Squeezing my cock like that”

“Fuck Soobin, need you to cum” you whine. “Want your cum Soobin please!”

“You want me to cum? Tell me what you like about my cock first Y/N. Be a good girl and I’ll fill you up.”

“Fuck Soobin. You’re cocks huge - so big, fills me so good. Ahhh-hits so deep inside. Fuck! stretch me so good. Makes me feel soo good Binnie, fuck- PLEASE!- PLEASE BIN- cum in me”

“You want it?” he teases one last time, as you say the words that make him crumble

“Please Soobin! Fill me with your cum! Make me yours- Claim me Binnie-”

Soobin fucks you hard and fast, chasing his orgasm to do exactly as you begged for.

“Mine baby- FUCK- gonna make you mine. Make sure everyone knows it too. Fill you with my cum baby- Drip down your thighs for the rest of the day- squirm everytime you feel it remembering my cock deep inside you. Make you feel better than anyone ever could. You’re mine Y/N-mine!”

His hips stutter and you feel his cock twitch inside you as his hot white cum starts to paint your insides. The feeling of finally being with Soobin and being claimed by him, is so overwhelming, you can't help but cum with him. Kissing down your spine while you both come down from your highs, you turn over your shoulder leaning for a kiss. When he connects his lips to yours it’s heaven. The anger and desperation are absent this time, letting you both feel your emotions. Feeling how you both belong together.

It felt so right, like all of your missing pieces had been found. You found your home, and it was Soobin.

“Y/N”

“Mmhmm?” You smile at him pulling away from his lips

“I- I..”

“Come on Soob don’t be shy now” you tease him

“I’m just… fuck I’m just so happy right now”

“Me to Soobin. So so happy”

“I love you Y/N” he confesses

Your eyes widened, shocked that he just spoke the words you dreamed of hearing one day. Too stunned to speak. Sure you just fucked each other and admitted that you both wanted each other but love!? You knew you loved him but hearing him say those three words made your heart explode.

“It’s okay if you don’t feel that way. I just,” he rubs the back of his neck embarrassed “I just really wanted to tell you.”

The biggest smile spreads across your face unable to contain your glee. ‘He’s so fucking cute I can’t handle it’ you think to yourself before you respond to him “I love you to Soobin!”

His eyes light up as he engulfs you in the tightest hug. “God I love you so much. Can I keep you to myself now? Can you be mine? Only mine? Please!?” He asks

“Soobin you goof! I was already yours!” You giggle at how adorable he is. “You’re so fucking cute I can’t handle you!”

“Stop!” He blushes and hides in your neck at you calling him cute

“I can’t help it, Bin! Look at you, this is the CUTEST!” You squeal at him

He pokes out of your neck at looks up at you with big brown puppy dog eyes as he rests his chin on your chest and pouts, whining “stop teasing me”

“YOU THINK THIS IS BETTER!? My heart is gonna explode from cuteness overload! You’re like a big puppy” you rubs his head, emphasising your point.

“Okay okay!” He laughs before taking your hand off of His head and kissing your palm. “You really are like Marin when I think about it. You sounded just like her just now”

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Marin Kitagawa is bae. However, can we talk about how jealous you were earlier”

Hanging his head in his hands Soobin pleads “yeah… can we forget that? Please?”

“Why? Are you embarrassed?” You tease him, making him groan. “You know, it’s was kinda hot though”

Soobin’s head springs up “yeah?”

“Yeah, it was pretty hot seeing you get so mad when the guys were talking to me.”

“They weren’t talking, they were all over you! Touching you and shit! I-“

“Soob! Calm down. You won babe, I’m all yours” kissing him to shut him up.

“Yeah… you’re mine. My girl”

“And you’re my man”

“Y/n?”

“Mmhmm?” you hum sweetly

*Knock knock knock*

You both jump, startled and try to cover yourselves as you watch the door crack open a tiny bit

“Hey guys, it’s just me” Yeonjun quietly says through the door “I don’t know what you’re both up to but Soobin the shoot starts in 15 minutes you need to get ready.”

“Okay! Thanks hyung” Soobin responds awkwardly as Yeonjun shuts the door, leaving you two to fix yourselves up and get ready for the shoot.

You both scramble around, scouring the floor for your clothes. Quickly putting back on your underwear, and bra, and tying your shirt around your waist and fixing your skirt. You grab your brush belt and prepare as fast as you can, while Soobin walks back over to you, fastening the button on his pants.

“Sit” you smile at him and point to the chair

As he takes his seat you look him over and immediately regret attaching onto his neck so hard earlier. Covering the purple and red marks was going to take longer than you hoped. So you dive in right away, not wasting a single second. Concentrating so hard that you don’t even talk.

Soobin takes in your appearance. The love bites that he left to decorate your neck and chest make him feel warm inside, knowing everyone will see them. His eyes wander to your face and he can't help the swelling of his heart as he watches your eyebrows crinkle as you concentrate on trying to cover his hickeys. Finding the way you bite your lip and lick your lips as you work is adorable. He’s watched you work so many times before, and seen these faces both while you work and when it’s just the two of you gaming or working on something, but this time it’s different. Knowing that you love him the way he loves you makes everything about you that much cuter. He speaks before he even processes what he’s going to say

“Y/N?”

“Mmm?” Humming in response, words taking too much effort at this moment

“Can I take you on a date? Like a proper one?”

Your whole body freezes as you finally look at him, not just the marks on him. “What?” You ask quietly

“Will you go on a date with me?”

“Yes. YES! Of course I will!” You smile and hug him before giving him a quick peck.

“Is tomorrow okay?”

“Yeah that sounds good” you say excitedly as you return to your work, finishing covering the last of his marks, moving on to the rest of his face. “God I hope you’re wearing something that covers most of this! I’m gonna be in so much shit!” referring to the million marks you had left on him.

“Y/N it’s okay that’s what editing is for” chuckling as he rubs your arm in support

“I just got so carried away… wanted to show everyone your mine”

“Like I’m one to talk! Have you seen yourself?” Laughing at how desperate you both were to claim each other.

“Still!” You apply concealer around his eyes and blend it into the rest of his makeup. Combing through his brows with a gel and adding a light tint to his already swollen lips. “Your lips are even more pouty now. Fuck you’re gonna look to good in this shoot. I can see the edits now” despair shooting across your face as you tip your head back.

“Hey! Who cares about edits? I’m all yours baby”

“But everyone’s gonna see how sexy you look” you pout

“And who did that to me?” Soobin raises his eyebrows and you flush a little “exactly” he smirks and pecks you quickly

You blend out the subtle blush you applied and then look him over, making sure everything looks okay. Which of course he does, his skin is flawless and he always looks gorgeous. “Okay I’m done”

Standing from the chair he looks in the mirror and fixes his hair “you’d never know I was covered in hickeys a minute ago”

You slap his arm and he laughs “keep it that way bin!”

“Alright alright!” He turns to you, grabbing your hands gently with his huge ones and looks into your pink tinted lenses as you look up at him. “I’ll text you after the shoot okay?”

“Kay” you softly respond.

Taking your hand up to his lips, Soobin places a soft kiss on the back of it before saying “I love you Y/N”

“Love you to Bin”

He gives you one last kiss, his hand cupping your ear as his thumb rubs your cheekbone. He reluctantly lets go and jogs to the door. Before exiting, he turns back to you and smiles.

“I’ll see you later?”

You nod and he leaves with a smile plastered on his face. Walking down the hall to the shoot, he sees the guys. All staring him down with intense eyes.

“What?” Soobin asks tentatively

“WHAT!? Bro you need to spill NOW!” Yeonjun demands

“Ahhh- wow look at the time we have to start yeah? I think they just called my name” he points with his thumb over his shoulder as he quick walk turns into sprint to wardrobe to escape this conversation.

“CHOI SOOBIN! Get back here” Yeonjun chases after him, not willing to let him off the hook until he hears every last detail of how well his plan worked out.

Yeonjun’s phone pings notifying him of a new text message. “Don’t think this is over Soobin!” He yells at him, stopping to take out his phone, seeing the notification with your name. Opening your message he smirks proud of his two idiot best friends.

“Thank you ❤️” is all your text said but he knew exactly what you were referring to

“You're welcome pretty! but you owe me 😘😉”

344 notes · View notes

boba-beom · 2 years ago

Text

the time has come for my final (and long) review. I will admit that I may perhaps took a while to read the second part because I didn’t want to finish it. lissie, it’s 3:26am as I type this and my chest is incredibly heavy. the emotions I poured out while reading this fic was beyond what I’ve ever felt over something I’ve read. I don’t think I’ve felt with my whole chest over a fic on this website, or ever.

the bond between the moon sisters is something I admired throughout. those moments were very much hitting a delicate spot for me, and it’s just as important to have one or more people to create a support system when parents aren’t the first to go to for whatever reason. the relationship between taehyun and reader– I was in love with their dynamic from the start. and to watch them grow to understand each other broke me in ways I cannot explain. the new year’s scene did it for me. it was at that moment, I knew their lives have changed for the better. can you tell how much I love them? 😅

I am truly amazed at how you wrote 52k based off of The Virgin Su!cides, as well as incorporating some of your experiences. that nostalgia really tipped it over for me. again I will commend you for the playlist and how I’ve grown to love a few, if not all of them, that now if I listen to one of them it will automatically remind me of this work of yours.

after I read the first part, I cried, having my flatmate ask me about it and I talked her through what happened so far. she was the one I watched the movie with too, so to have her understand how I was feeling was something nice to have gone through together.

I think that in conclusion, I will be thinking about this fic every now and then. it sort of almost resonated with me to some extent and so I will most likely hold this work extremely close to my heart. getting emotional as I type this, but I want to thank you for writing this, again. I literally adore your writing, and how quickly invested I was to read this. I cannot commend you enough for this masterpiece. a mental note to self to keep and eye out for more works and to catch up on time wave has been set, again, thank you for creating this work! :>

part 2

cast: taehyun ✗ fem.reader (ft. loona yyxy, txt's hueningkai, and other idols)

synopsis: the year is 1999. cardboard boxes were put on the driveway of the newly-settled home across from where taehyun lives. the five sisters will soon shake the neighborhood with their eccentric personalities yet mysterious auras. the moon sisters. since that day they arrived, taehyun is intrigued by them and especially you, the youngest of the sisters

genre: coming of age, bildungsroman, slice of life, romance, drama, high school au, late 90s au, angst, a tiny bit of fluff, mature content (explicit smut, suicidal characters, depressive episodes)

based on: movie the virgin suicides (1999)

word count: 19282 (19.2k) out of 52076 (52k)

warning(s): tyun wears glasses AND is an amateur boxer, mentally and physically abusive parent, narcissistic parent, gender discrimination, suicide attempt, self-harm, depression, blood, bruises, explicit sex (semi-rough sex for part 2), protected sex, hand job (m & f receive), oral job (m receive), manhandling, dissolution of marriage (broken home peeps, i get you), mentions of arranged marriage, mention of smoking (cigarettes) (if there is something that i forgot, let me know)

message from the moon: remember that this story is fiction and do be careful and read the warnings at the top. all the idols mentioned here are not what they are in real life.

welcome! this is supposed to be a one-shot but because the word count has reached 50k+ and my tumblr errored because of it, i have no choice but to split them in two. so this is part 2! i know this is the shorter part but you also need to take a rest to because of how heavy the topics are. thank you so much and i hope you enjoy it!

cd mix | wall collage

read part 1 first!

you have no regret as mama slaps your cheek when you arrived back home after crossing the street. the burn on your cheek lingers as you hold back your tears. for you, it’s a reality check that you will get nothing you want as long as you are still in high school and live with them.

you see the various expressions your sisters have on their faces as they see you being berated by the person who gave birth to all of them. nothing screams joy in them. and yet, you defended them and taehyun.

taehyun. yeah, your plan didn’t work, yet you blame yourself for everything that happened tonight. all of you are stuck here, getting the brunt of your matriarch’s untrustworthiness towards the whole idea where she also sets a boundary she didn’t expect all of you could pass.

you told mama it’s your fault you’re still out past curfew, telling her you split up with your sisters and go with your date somewhere else on the school grounds, how you’re bored mingling with people and you converse so much with your date—making you lost track of time. that’s why she doesn’t question the disheveled look of your hair, clothes, and the additional piece of clothing you’re wearing from the colder autumn weather.

after being bombarded with your mama’s sayings, you fled back into your room as a throttle of steps followed you. all of them in their sleepwear with you being out of place—like a black swan in a flock of white ones. you expected that they’ll ask you and guilt you like how mama did, like how you’re doing it to yourself as it eats you up from the inside. your shoulders hunch as you sit on your bed, the dried tears from the corner of your eyes still culminating in new ones that are still producing since the fresh moment from downstairs. you wanted to peer at the house across from you, but you didn’t. you didn’t want to feel like you’d lost.

“hey, you seemed different.” hyejoo is the first to approach you, sitting beside you.

you let out a sigh, shaking your head, and licking your bottom lip before replying, “i’m so sorry i lost track of time with taehyun. you can blame me for whatever thing we might get from my shitty carelessness.”

“we could talk after you cleaned up. your eyeliner is so smudged…” sooyoung commented as she caressed your messy hair. picking up your pyjama from the wardrobe, you gave a tight-lip smile to them before going to the bathroom.

you can see the hickeys taehyun left on you clearer when you clean your make-up by the mirror. the dark spots scatter at the skin between your collarbone and neck while a few are on your chest. fingers pressing against one of them, you close your eyes, returning to that moment with taehyun as your body reacts to the pleasure you remembered. you force yourself to stop from the memory and face the reality of your consequences.

sitting down in a circle inside the nightlight-lit room, you dried your hair with a towel as your sisters tell you stories about what they did with their date. sooyoung and juyeon had an impromptu photoshoot as the king and queen of homecoming for the yearbook club. jiwoo and gyuri sat on the bleachers of the indoor court, conversing about her date’s play with the theater. chaewon and seungmin hung out in the school’s greenhouse—her club’s place. hyejoo and sunwoo played football on the field with the rest of the boys’ team and girls’ team. their guts told them how the night is getting late when they returned to juyeon’s van as it brought them home. you and taehyun disappear. they searched for both of your whereabouts but gave up on it.

as the spotlight turns to you, you gnaw the inside of your cheek before you say, “i tried to pursue him to run away with me.”

escaping has always been the matter you talk about once every month or when one of you thought about it. all of you put together many plans to escape your parents. you recall sooyoung’s plan on working part-time at university to save money so when all of you have graduated, you can move away and try to build your life with her. but, it all changed when your mama pushed sooyoung back one year below her, making her and jiwoo in the same year—and what sooyoung theorizes is how she can control her more. sooyoung was supposed to graduate this year but with that circumstances, she can’t.

“then…” chaewon leans into the conversation.

“i got selfish. i got mad that he focuses on his own life. he got mad that i didn’t care for all of you to run away by myself. he’s-“ you let out a somber smile. “i’m sorry. i plan this without thinking of all of you. i’m tired and angry and i don’t want to live this life anymore until she will let us go. so i made a path myself and i was hoping he’ll come too. if he agreed, i would have wanted to help all of you to leave.”

you sighed, “i also realize how he’s the same as the guys that pursue us, you know? he doesn’t like me for me. he likes me because i’m in a collective with you. i realize how selfish i am because of it. he was the only one who was brave to chase me. so i take it as a challenge of how much he wants to be with me before i realize i fell too deep for him to recognize other factors.”

hyejoo scoffed before she reaches for your hand, “i shouldn’t have mentioned that motherfucker.”

“no, it’s okay. that’s life, right?” you justified yourself and her. she wraps her arm around your shoulder and gives you a small side hug before you noticed her relax. you turn your head towards her to see her eyebrows raised.

“why is there a bruise on your neck?” you realized where she is going, but didn’t react fast enough as you felt hyejoo brushed your hair and moved your head away, letting her see a hickey on the spot she mentioned.

“i knew it!” hyejoo whisper-yelled as your other sisters crawls to you to show the spot.

“that means…” chaewon questioned, representing all of them.

the weight slides down your shoulder and back as you reply, “yes, i had sex with him too.”

even their reaction is making you laugh as they try their hardest to not make a ruckus as your parents are asleep downstairs. but your shoulders are sore from the number of times they shake you to tell them ‘yeah, you had your first time’ and the only one in your sisters who did it.

“how does it feel?” jiwoo asked, her eyebrows wiggling.

“honestly, overwhelming. it is a concoction i can’t summarize.” you remembered the constant praises between the two of you. “he’s great, and he said i’m great, so that’s that.”

you're glad it's a sunday so all of you talk about what you are facing, what you were thinking, what you had experienced, and other topics the entire night. you learned your sisters were also as selfish as you. hyejoo even mention how she wants to run away by herself at the start of the new school year but it’s not right. sooyoung mentioned how she almost had her first time but didn’t. as the moon sets to the west, the stories are stacked. how envious chaewon is of you and hyejoo being the more active one than she is, while jiwoo mentions the attempts she had to ask girls but didn’t do it because she’ll expose herself as a sapphic. all of your thoughts meet one another that night as the sisters resolve their conflicts in the open round-table conversation. you can state that all of you love each other and it’s very unconditional.

you can state that all of you are teenagers who need to experience life.

well, mama disagrees with that.

you stare at the dropping expression on all of your sisters’ faces at the dining table during breakfast—your heart follows too. you look away when you sense the glare landing on the side of your face. the shame growing inside your heart joint with the drooping of your eyelids as all of you took an all-nighter to talk.

it happens way too fast; you thought. mama’s stories she shares at the table somehow make you feel more guilty, how she said she would be at a school dance with her date and having her nanny with her to grab her food and drink, saying that she never forgets the curfew her parents give. she also cites chaewon as the one that is like her—not mentioning the other three sisters that also arrive home before curfew too. chaewon’s face turns from shock to a frown as mama continues to ramble about how an irresponsible child you are to her. your hands were on your lap when you felt another grasp on one of yours, hyejoo sitting next to you, subtly fuming.

your rebel of a sister explodes after hearing that mama will quit all of your after-school clubs, enrolling all of you back in ballet and musical instruments classes once again.

it happens way too fast when monday comes. you stared at your sisters in your similar-looking uniforms as mama brought you all to school for the first time when she will quit your sisters from the school clubs. it’s weird to see all of you wear the same style, knowing that all of you are inherently different. hyejoo’s wearing more than enough hair tie on her wrists that it battles the bracelets chaewon wears, but you know she’ll be aware of the pain later in the day.

they felt it too as mama’s warning to stay within the five of you the whole day—still ringing in all of your minds. your sisters stayed silent when they come across their former dates. a few of your sisters even spoke to them to leave them alone. when you witness it, you can’t help the guilt eating up inside you as your sisters give small smiles when returning to your crowd of five.

your hands continue picking on your nails as it jitters, imagining a cigarette stick between your fingers and how you tap the ash away as it fell onto the gravel. but mama will rage more if she can smell the recognizable scent from either you or hyejoo. so you both had a truce to stop smoking for the foreseeable future. though with your sisters’ club items being banned, your personal items aren’t as you still allow to bring your discman, but with a twist that you will hear orchestral music around mama if she’ll asked you to let her hear what you’re listening.

your eyesight glance between the hands on your desk to the open door of the classroom as you see the last person you want to see.

taehyun.

you looked at kai nudging his elbow at the boy as he stopped to look towards you. the world comes into a pause as you notice how tired he looks from his enormous eyes. you wanted to comfort him, but your mind lets you recall the conversation at night. you roll your eyes before looking towards the window beside you, glad that you sat with no seatmate.

after school, you went to the ballet classes that hyejoo still joins until this day. the teacher was in shock when she sees hyejoo introducing you and your other sisters—saying that you are going to join them. it feels weird to relearn the ballet positions again as the last time you remember going into the class was at age 7 when mama lets you learn classical guitar. you hear how your joints cracked from the moves as you stare at the dance floor with hyejoo dancing, all of your sisters’ backs leaning against the mirror wall as you study the other much more advanced ballerinas that are your age.

after ballet class when all of your sisters are asleep, you return to your usual routine of sneaking to your older sisters’ room to watch the new law and order: special victims unit episode, seeing how detectives elliot stabler and olivia benson solve the crimes; even with you joining in theorizing. you were glad that both of them are heavy sleepers, curling into the sweater you’re. but tonight, you didn’t wear your usual striped sweater. you’re wearing the sweater you brought back home on that fateful night everything changed.

your mind recalibrates itself when you go back to learning classical guitar, not saying much to your teacher as you’re scared that they’re going to tell your mama about the problems you could accidentally expose to them. but as the lesson goes on, the way you pick the strings made of nylon and how enjoyable it is playing the guitar comes back to you. and you’re hoping that it last until your torture ends.

everything seems to find its place a week in. ballet dance class on monday and thursday, classical guitar class on tuesday and friday. mama said she’s not going out on wednesdays to oversee you all cleaning the houses. your usual chore of washing the dishes has now increased with another chore of washing your parents’ cars. you stole a glance at papa who is looking at his pager, still curious about why he cried on homecoming night but seems to be more emotionless as the day goes in the week.

the next monday, mama didn’t bring you to school as she does. instead, papa does. the weather itself is getting colder as is nearing the middle of october when you’ve been given permission to use outerwear for school so you don’t get sick. mama, who is on a “trip” with her friends, left the house to papa alone. as you sat in the middle of the dodge caravan he uses—the less of the two cars your parents own—you steal glances at your papa from the rearview window. the words are rising in you as you can’t help to vomit them out.

“pa…” you were the first in that entire drive to speak. “why did you cry when we went to homecoming?”

sooyoung, who sat in the front seat, turns her head to papa as you could see how the only man in the car is looking at the road and not at his daughters.

“it’s okay, papa…” you continue to glance at the rearview mirror as you could not back down, rubbing your hands with each other in the sweater paws. “it’s okay to cry. to cry is a human experience.”

papa stayed silent until the car arrives at school—you didn’t expect a reply anyway from your silent dad as he stayed that way most of the time. the only time he emote was when you saw him cry that evening.

you and your sisters part ways as you brought yourself to the bathroom. splashing away your face with cold water, you stare at yourself from the reflection. you notice the corner of your eyes has drooped more rapidly than you expected and how sunken it has been from the dark circles becoming darker. you held the pain of the icy water running down your fingers, burning the open wounds on each finger from the picking you had done as you pick not only the edge of your fingernails any more. your eyes glance down at the sweater that you wear as you brush them down, the color is the same as the blood that is drying up around your nails. your mind wondering if someone in class would notice how different your sweater is from your usual.

that indeed happened when you arrived at class and heard the audible gasp behind the wall of music you’re listening to from the headphones you are wearing. surprise is something you expected because you are wearing his sweater right now.

taehyun stares at you in his burgundy sweater as you walk to your desk. he wore a hoodie that you’ve never seen before but you recognize it deep down: he felt out of place without his burgundy sweater. your eyesight catches him behind the glasses as he stares at you. his face sits in a resting position that if anyone doesn’t know him may look intimidating. maybe he intends to intimidate you.

a folded paper arrived at your desk as you were writing notes in your notebook—preparing to compare it with your siblings. the paper was ripped from the corner of a notebook as you recognized the lines. you open the paper to find a message written with a thin pen.

meet me at your usual wall at recess - tyun

your eyes lifted to see him glancing behind his shoulder before he faces back to the front of the class. biting your lips, you slip the note inside your skirt pocket before returning to focus on the writings on the board.

picking your nails, you leaned your head against the brick wall near the field—sometimes the side of your fingers still rubs with one another as you expected a certain smoking cylinder. the shrugs from the moving gravel enter your ears as you turn to meet the boy of the moment.

“taehyun…”

“(y/n)…” he follows you and leans his upper body against the wall.

“what makes you want to meet me?” you chuckle, already knowing what he will say.

“you’re,” he licks his lips, “wearing my burgundy sweater.” taehyun replies, hands in his pockets, making his upper body appear much buffer than you remembered. but you observed how hunched his body is. cowering. “and i want it back.”

“it’s a memento for what we did that night.” you playfully said as you rub yourself with the clothing. “besides, it’s so soft.”

“give it back.” he snarled as you looked towards him, seeing how his eyes squint behind his glasses. his fang-like teeth give a threatening look. different from that night. different from that day. different from the first time you two met.

“make me.” you crossed your arms in front of your chest. you pay attention to how his face reacts as he looks at your face, his eyes then wander to your chest where your hands are resting above the arms, covered with the sweater paws. but the wind is blowing enough air to meet the open wounds you create. you wince as your nerve signals the injury to your brain.

“did you hurt yourself again?” he catches you as you see the exposed fingernails from the sweater. you wanted to hide from him. you didn't want him to see the pain you haven't let out to him on his mattress. but he caught them before you sucked them into you; before it sunk under the surface that is your face and body language. so, you nod and scoffed.

“everything changes so fast in a week. we could’ve been outside the town. just the two of us, you know. instead, ma’s fucking us up more.” you glance back at him. “i guess. this sweater will be a reminder for me of how it could be and how my mind was turned whatever degree they have turned. muddling up what i know about me, about my surroundings, and about you.” you give out a huge exhale before facing away from him, facing forward once again.

“you’re-“ taehyun paused. “you can’t just steal my belonging?!”

“so what? i did right.” you turn back towards him, stepping one foot forward closer. “or in your mind.” another step forward.

“no girls are brave enough to do it?” you hummed, tilting your head. “you always assume girls to be as quirky, as innocent, as easily control, huh? well, change your mind, silly. ‘cause this is how the world is.”

“then what about you?” he retaliates, turning his body. you stumble backwards before putting your hand on the wall to stabilize yourself.

“not everything should be revolving around you, right? i admit i adore you. i still fucking am. but your proposal to ask me to run away with you will not be the right way, (y/n).” taehyun rolls his eyes before continuing. “any guy would love to take you away: making you his. but i’m not like that ‘cause this is how the world is.”

you gritted your teeth as he threw your words against you. taehyun steps closer, making your body touches the brick wall once again. “you’re like me. thinking all boys are the same. thinking all the boys will treat you the same way you have been treated.” he nods as you stare into his eyes.

his large, vivid eyes staring down inside your soul. you see him shaken by your words and his realization of you and himself. it happens too fast when both of you lean forward, connecting your lips together.

his hand moves towards your waist, gripping the sweater you’re wearing, as you wrapped your hands beneath his underarm, pushing his shoulder blades forward as you heard a thud beside your ear. one of his hands holding him against the wall and you in between the two surfaces. the feverish sensation crawls back under your skin as your lips, tongue, and teeth clashed with each other so much that you can feel saliva dripping down the corners of your mouth.

pulling back and seeing a string of saliva connecting the two of you, you both breathe, making yourself steady with taehyun fixing his disarrayed glasses frame. his hand still sits beside your head as you both stare at each other, both of you are shaken up by the whole interaction.

ring!

the bell broke both of your trance as you slip out of his hold. his touch lingers at the end of the sweater as you walked backward, facing him.

“still a no for giving your sweater back, silly.”

and you disappear, leaving taehyun with a smirk on his face.

while your pain returns and lingers—stagnant for another two weeks, mama has become more of a helicopter mom you are aware many of the children in your social class have. the height of the plates you washed seemed to lower each day as you came back from your guitar and ballet lesson. your eyes linger on chaewon who took care of the backyard garden from the window, her dress’ end covered with manure and dirt which mama doesn’t allow herself to approach. then to sooyoung and her vacuum cleaner scrambling to both floors as the noise pierces your ears. they continue to hyejoo who is hanging the clothes that came out from the washing machine. lastly, to jiwoo who is dusting and putting the clutter back in its place—you saw her put the pillow back on the sofas. mama oversees everything as sits with her legs outstretched and a cup of tea by her side. papa is at work, working his ass off so you all could live and survive.

it continues just like that until halloween night.

the sound of children screaming around the street in the night sky is deafening as you and hyejoo stare outside of the window in your eldest sisters’ room. you touched the bruise on your cheek as you dared to ask your mama if you can trick or treat tonight. your sisters stare at it in horror before she’s the one that storms away at night, wearing a fancy dress as if she’s also going to a halloween party. papa also sees the incident before he and mama went back into their room. you overheard her booming yet unclear voice from behind the wall before he left first, then she did.

your nails play on the end of your turtleneck shirt’s long sleeve, hearing the scratch of the fabric as you stare down at your all-black ensemble for your costume as olivia benson from special victims unit.

you took a glimpse at hyejoo in her veronica sawyer from heathers costume as she tucks her blazer before walking back to the room. chaewon’s dazed gaze at the box-shaped tv is more pronounced with her juliet from romeo + juliet outfit complete with her wings as jiwoo reaches for her in an outfit that if you look close enough looks like her regular outfit but it’s her ginger spice costume. sooyoung sits in front of the tv as she lets out a sigh, her open palm trembling as she looks at each of you who she styled while she is in her cher from clueless costume. your oldest sister has tried her best to make your costume as exact as possible with the limited pieces of outfits all of you have. you heard her change the tv channels a few times before landing on one.

returning your head to the window, you stare one last time at the crowded streets full of children and pre-teens, as no other teens live here except for the one across from you.

speak of the devil, the front door of the house opens to see mrs. kang puts a plastic pumpkin bowl full of sweets and a cowboy-costumed taehyun with a space ranger-costumed kai went out. taehyun’s head turns towards your window when the door shuts behind him. kai seems to talk to him as they face the scattered crowds of people in costume. you can only let out a small smile you hope he catches as you close the window and curtains, facing the screen to spot addams family values playing on the tv. you sat beside jiwoo, resting your head against her shoulder as you watch the macabre family unit that is so united you don’t know how to classify your own.

your unfulfilled food cravings combine with your body that hasn’t had a proper rest making you collapse into a deep sleep only ten minutes into the movie. when you wake up, the only source of light closest to you is the running device—outside sources help your eyes adapt faster. the tv is playing a rerun of an older sitcom when you sit up on the floor, seeing the silhouettes of your sisters. the sound of excitement is now gone when you could only hear grasshoppers outside. stretching your body, you stand up from your position to see that your sisters have fallen asleep, except you only counted three and identify them as the three oldest.

you heard floorboard creaks as you walk to your own room, hoping your other triplet is asleep in her bed. the door opens to the beds arranged for the three of you, but no silhouette is there before you close the door.

“hyejoo…?” you called her name but the hallways stay silent. so silent that you can catch the gush of the wind blowing inside the crevices. following where it comes from, you arrived at the open laundry area with the ladder to the roof, and the hatch above it is ajar. the thing that contrasts your memory of the room is the blazer on top of the washing machine, the blazer you recognize hyejoo wore before. you decided and climb up the ladder.

the darkness almost blinds you as you let the outside light makes you adapt. you called for your sister’s name once again but not as loud as before, hoping not to cause a disturbance for the sleeping children. when you approached the front of the house at the roof, that’s when you meet a silhouette, the air blowing the ends of the hair and oversized shirt as you watch the body moving closer to the edge.

“moon hyejoo!” you exclaimed as the person named turned her head slowly. the moon reflects the conflict in her eyes.

“don’t step closer.” she reaches her hand out and sniffles. you gnaw your lip as you also reach both of your hands out, stopping whatever she’s trying to do.

“don’t move…” you speak as you see her shaking her head, the sniffles getting heavier as she looks beyond the raised edge of the roof she stood on.

“i’m fucking tired of living this life, okay? i just…” she sighs, pulling her hand down to be beside her body once again. “i want to give up. we’re too tied up with her bullshit. i wanna be free, (y/n). i wanna do what i wanna do.”

“i know.” you step closer, seeing her anklet refract the light along with yours, dimmer because of her position, creating a shadow in front of you. “but we all promise to stick together, right? we made a pact that we have to live and die together.”

hyejoo looks down at her anklet as she nods, “and we’re gonna make one of us mad if we didn’t fulfill our promise.”

“that’s right. you can talk it out with us as a collective. believe me, all of us are tired too.” you took a step closer to her as she doesn’t push you to stay back anymore. “who’ll be our front-line offense if we revolted together?”

“of course it’s me.” hyejoo chuckles as steps forward to the roof instead of the ledge. “you all won’t survive mother’s torment without me berating her back.”

“exactly.” you were a few meters away from her. “then we’re gonna cherish every time we have together, okay? all five of us?”

as she nods, you grab her from the platform at the ledge into a warm bear hug. you sense your turtleneck getting wetter as she let her heart out. brushing her hair and swaying to calm her. your eyesight sticks to the unfamiliar view of the surrounding houses from above. that’s how your sight stays on one specific porch.

taehyun stood by his front door with his front face towards you. his cowboy hat tucked beneath his underarm as you stop swaying and focus on caressing your sister instead. his stare lingers on you, goosebumps growing on your skin as you cannot tell what he is thinking—only his piercing gaze.

he must’ve seen everything.

you let out a smile that might be hard for him to see. but when he enters his house, you’re feeling as if he understood what you’re communicating to him.

yet, your trance disappears as you picked up the screech of a vehicle before you lean closer to the ledge, seeing the dodge caravan hot with how papa just arrived back home. he stumbles out of the car before slamming the door shut. hyejoo leans away as she looks down at you, papa stumbling his way in before he disappeared underneath the platform from the second floor.

“is pa okay?” you asked her, seeing her brushing her tears away.

“he’s definitely not. if he is as intoxicated as i think he is, he can’t open the front door.”

the two of you arrived at the first floor. you opened the door to find your papa leaning against the door before stumbling inside with hyejoo helping to prop him up. you almost gagged at the unfamiliar stench of alcohol reeking from him. his eyes not fully shut might mean he’s not 100% unconscious, clearer with his sudden murmur.

“hye… (y/n)…” he mumbled as you both help him bring himself into the master bedroom. you heard hyejoo grunt as you let go of the weight to push the door open. it’s a rarity for you to enter your parents’ room as mama doesn’t allow you to be in there. when you realize it, most of the items are hers. it sickens you that your papa’s personality isn’t being shown enough. but when you consider it, papa’s origins are unknown as mama’s the only one that told stories of her life before having kids, giving papa no chance whatsoever. pulling his shoes off, you both push him onto the bed. when you thought he has settled and you jut your chin towards the door so both of you can leave, you overheard the man talking.

“kids…”

it has been a long time since he called you that and it makes your body freeze. hyejoo and you turn around to see your papa leaning against the pillow, an unrecognizable smile on his face that combines something warm and cold at the same time.

“i’m, i’m sorry…” he hiccups as his head almost fell asleep before he jolts awake, but only lasted for around 30 seconds.

“i, i will try- to get a bet, better future for… us…”

as papa fell asleep, you look towards hyejoo as she gives you a shrug, the tear tracks on her cheek make you gesture so she can clean it. papa hasn't spoken to his daughters in a long time. the family picture photo shoot was the last time you remembered it. your steps become slower as hyejoo went up the stairs, leaving you alone to look at the portrait of your family from nine years ago.

“put on your greatest smile, kids!” you recalled him said. yet, you could see the suffering of you and your sisters as they crawled up the frame of the portrait. and, you seem to believe papa now realizes it too as the few of the first things he sees each time he came out of his slumber is the reminder of how his daughters' lives are deteriorating.

nothing interesting happened since halloween and entering the eleventh month of the year, well if you count mama’s much more prominent sob stories at the dining table interesting. you gazed between chaewon and hyejoo, having the triplet connection to talk with facial expression, realizing that what she talked about is her earlier stories but more elaborate and dragging.

you nibble your bottom lip while watching the street passing by in the morning sky. papa’s turn to take you to school as mama is sleeping her ass off after they both went to a gathering. hyejoo’s the one in the front seat as the radio plays the hits of 1999, dido‘s “thank you“is now playing in the caravan‘s speaker.

you sometimes catch how papa took a glimpse behind his driver’s seat in the vacant street of the neighborhood. how, little by little, he almost resembles his children. sunken eyes, a frown that stays on too long, his wrinkles getting more prominent along with slight white hair growing from the roots on his scalp. your headphones hanging around your neck with your backpack straps on and the discman strap hanging on one shoulder as the quiet ride to school continues.

stepping out of the car, you all greet your papa goodbye as he looks at you proudly before he goes to his work in his not-prime condition today. putting on the headphones on your ears, you brush your cool hands against the burgundy sweater that you almost called yours after a month of holding onto it—pressing the play button to play cd mix #12 once again after already playing since #1.

the door of the class opens with you as you step inside, seeing your classmate giving small smiles because you didn’t indulge in any of their gossip to make them care about you anymore—you wanted to fade into obscurity and you hope it’s working. seeing the open space beneath you from the window reminds you of hyejoo’s attempt, how it’s almost laughable that she taught of the same ways to end things as you—how you thought about if you openly ended your life at this specific window from your seat. your eyes glance back to the front when the teacher is coming into class and one last peek at the glasses-wearing boy who sits a few rows in front of you.

rubbing your tummy that is full of lunch after you gather at your usual tree trunk, you let out a yawn and stretch your palms from how tired they are from playing your guitar. the chipped pointer fingernail reminds you how you strum along to the music from your cd mix as you don’t have a pick. the class is empty as people still took a rest and eat lunch before the last periods of today’s school day.

you pulled out your discman, unwrapping your headphones before putting them on. naturally, you rub the ridges of the button to turn the device on before moving to the play button. the sound of guitar playing coming from your headphon- wait…

you’ve never heard this song before.

the seat you’re sitting is your place. the discman that you’re hearing from is your discman. but the song differs from the mix you brought from home. putting the song on pause, you take the device in your hand before opening the lid. a silver cd that resembles the ones you have there, but this is different and that’s when you raised your eyebrows as you read it.

to my moon pixie, y/n

cd mix #✰

luna - the smashing pumpkins

hey - pixies

child psychology - black box recorder

little trouble girl - sonic youth

venus as a boy - björk

…

you counted 10 curated songs in the mixtape, some you’ve heard, some you recognize the artist, and some you didn’t know. your callused hand reaches to rub the marker on the burned cd. then, your eyesight scans the last set of written words at the bottom of the circle.

you want to watch me in my boxing match? reply through aim, kay? - your silly boy

taehyun’s fingers fidget with his ballpoint, flipping it all over his hand. his stare switches between his homework and the interface of the messenger with two windows open. one window is the chat room he has with kai that stays open—the last message is about him finishing playing goldeneye 007. the other window shows the members list, people he has added on aim as each second one of them switches from online to offline, and vice versa.

yet, his eyes are stuck on one screen name that always switches on and offline. moon12345.

the bandage he wore for sparring for his upcoming match rested near the back of the desk as his mind is slowly stepping back from the homework. he doesn't know if his plan will work. he and kai scrambled to the nearest music store from here to find the right songs to put in your cd mix. with his parents leaving him once again at home—still sad as they could not see their son compete—he needed at least one person to be by his side. he asked kai to come with him before his friend reminded him that this is the perfect opportunity for him to ask you.

“i can’t ask her. she fucking hates me.”

“how do you know that?” kai chuckled as they both walk around the street. the green and purple color of his buzz lightyear costume shine from the streetlights. both of their basket full to the brim with candies and chocolates.

“well… she won’t return my sweater.”

“and i’ll do the same if you and i are fighting.” kai sarcastically rolls his eye before tipping the hat on taehyun’s woody costume up.

“you’ve said to me you’ve changed.”

“i did and i am.” taehyun reiterated.

“you change your ways of thinking because of her, right? how you can’t expect what someone thinks because of what they are? how she is more than just a cool girl for you?” kai tilts his head, with taehyun sighing and nodding afterwards.

“don’t you want to tell her?” kai responded, “like you said to me before, she’s hurting in there. if you truly adore her, do you want to drag her away for a night?”

taehyun lets out a scoff as he brushes his hat off his head. “everything changes way too fast.”

“so did us. i mean, i do. i didn’t even think of having a fucking significant other this fast and i certainly don’t believe i got one faster than you. especially counting how long you have been pining for this girl.” kai comments on his new partner, making taehyun giggle as he brushes his dark hair, almost obscure to the dark sky above him.

the boy reflected on it once again. his friend is correct. how would you learn he changed if he doesn’t show it to you? the last conversation both of you had showed that you and he are flawed. both of you let your biases affect how you think.

“okay, i’ll do it,” taehyun exasperated as kai’s face turns to glee before he returns to his thoughts, eyebrows now furrowed.

“but?” his friend squints his eyes.

“how am i gonna do this?” the boy sighs as he looks at the children walking in their costumes, some are eating the sweets they got. “she seems more closed off ever since she broke her curfew, which, i know, my fault with that too. i haven’t seen her go outside again in the evenings and even if i have the moon sisters on my list, she’s typically not the one to chat on aim. in our homecoming chat room, she didn’t even write a single word. even if the moon sisters’ screen name is online, how would i know it’s her?”

kai nodded and said, “then, what is always in her mind? what does she always have with her?”

taehyun’s head lifted as he fixed his glasses, carefully pulling his hand down as he realize what his best friend mean.

“her discman and cds.”

taehyun has listened to music he has never listened to before to make a cd mix for you. as your taste is vague, he didn’t know which genres were the right ones to give to you. but he hopes it’s enough to get your attention.

he shook his head at the thought as he does his homework, hearing the tv in the living room where his parents are watching a movie. his mind transcends to the notebook he’s writing in—a few pages before it was the same page he ripped to give you a message. the words he got from reading and listening have been collected in his brain so he can do his homework as best as he can. rubbing his hand because of how tired he is at writing, he felt the calluses that grow on his knuckles from the training.

taehyun leans his head against his hand that is propped on the desk, lulling to one side as sleep tries to capture him in their bed. the boy’s eyelids are getting heavier and heavier and when he wrote the last word for his homework, he seemed like he could sleep in peace. so he rested his head on the hand, letting it hold him as gravity can’t pull it to fall. he’s too tired to climb back into his bed where his gym bag still sits.

that’s when he heard a chime from his pc.

pushing the glasses back up, he searches for the chat room on the desktop. yet, penguinkai said nothing in the chat room. he then looks to the other window and finds a screen name highlighted. he clicks the name as quickly as possible and a chat room opens.

moon12345: hey stranger, it’s (y/n)

moon12345: great recommendations you gave me

moon12345: would love to see you beat your opponent ;)

taehyun lets out a chuckle, looking at the small shine from one window on the second floor of the house across. the chime comes in and out until midnight as they both talked, talked about everything he could think of like how’s the homework and you asking him how he found the songs he put on the cd. the topics you two talked about are even deeper than he expected to talk to anyone other than kai or his family.

K_Tyun: hows ur nails?

the screen paused as the light pierces into his eyes. he’s glad he turned on his nightlight before so it doesn’t hurt his eyes more.

moon12345: healing

moon12345: not all of me though…

K_Tyun: whatd u mean?

taehyun looks out the window again before looking down at how he sees only one car is at the carpark. the dodge caravan which he sees your father drive.

moon12345: kinda wanna blame you for this

moon12345: i guess it’s my fault too

moon12345: ma’s getting harsher day by day

moon12345: i mean

moon12345: you saw hyejoo almost killing herself, right? before i saved her?

the boy nods his head, expecting you to know his answer before he heard the clack on his keyboard and types down his message. he waited for a few seconds to pass before he sees the minute number changing once again before you answer.

moon12345: then i’m glad you’re taking me out

moon12345: it felt weird to know my sisters chatting with their friends here when i don’t have one

moon12345: so… thanks… i guess…

he lets out a giggle as he replied.

K_Tyun: urwell

K_Tyun: dont forget my sweater at the match

moon12345: i won’t forget it, i promise

moon12345: i might just give it back if you win :)

when the day of the match comes, taehyun warms his body up under unknown nervousness. the match was in another town and he’s scared you could not come because of it, knowing how harsh your mother has been in your own words.

he always seemed confident each time he competes, remembering how he won a podium place back in elementary school and how he fought his match between that and this match. remembering his parents and sister’s cheers by the sideline before it changes to kai and his boxing club friends. he looks at his friends that are also in the match and their varying results. some cried and others were ecstatic with their results.

“you ready?” his coach asked as he puts his hand on his shoulder, rattling his body to wake him up inside the locker room. taehyun nods as he looks away, but he felt his head move from his jaw to face the coach.

“you don’t look okay. what’s on your mind?” he questioned.

“the girl i told you about. she’s going to be here.”

“then impress her.” the coach’s fiery gaze transfers to him.

taehyun stood up from his seat, body all warm up, emotions all over the place as his coach puts on his robe before bringing him into the ring where hundreds of people are focusing on him. he ignores the flashes from cameras that litter the large room like stars in the sky, eyes focusing to the ring as he sees his opponent. a tad bit bigger than him by height but skinnier—makes sense to him that they’re in the same weight class.

after sitting in one corner of the ring, he sees his coach and his assistant putting on vaseline along his face and exposed body. the cold substance is rubbed on his skin so that he won’t be as battered as he hope he was not. he drank a few sips of water before he puts on his mouthguard. the surrounding crowd is blurry without his glasses, but he could view his opponent’s figure. nothing that reminds him of you caught his attention.

i won’t find her now, he thought.

as the round starts, he holds his guard position as both boxers move in the ring. taehyun is known to have great stamina by his coach and peers—he hopes it will persist him until the end. he heard loud cheers from the side that he recognizes before the opponent gives a right hook, which he successfully dodge before giving a jab, hitting the opponent’s torso but slipping because of the lubricant he uses. as much as he tried to focus, he has times when his stare at the crowd linger too much that his opponent notices. where are you?

as it enter the sixth round, taehyun felt his head getting heavier—the wounds on his body are aching him. the scores are even but the overwhelming sensation of getting punched, blocking, and avoiding gets a toll on him. the vaseline with another concoction that is added to put on his open wound helps it as only droplets of blood is on his skin. he looks out of the ring again, searching for you as fast as he can, hearing the sound of his opponent’s punch. his coach is yelling from the side, telling him to stay focused. but his body struggling is to breathe and stand up, his blurry vision getting blurrier than what is his prescription. a force pushes against his cheek before his body follows.

bam!

thud!

his opponent gave a hook and knocks him down. the referee counts down as the room moves so slowly from his perspective. the people that gathered around the ring made a commotion, he recognize a few of his club friends with looks of concern as the opponent looks at him from above, letting out a smug smile. all his eyes can focus on is outside the ring.

1…

2…

blood is running down his nose as he tried to prop himself up…

3…

“KANG TAEHYUN!!”

he looks at where the voice came from. a familiar voice piercing from the crowd.

4…

he sees someone wearing burgundy struggling to come to the front of the crowd towards the ring. taehyun’s eyes widen more, making him push himself more, hands fumbling to hold himself upright.

5…

the figure is blurry as it tries to pry itself to the front of the crowd. when the figure stood near where his friends are, he finally realized who are they…

you. you who is wrapping your hands around your front as you see him trying to stand up. a sudden smile now grows on his bruised face.

6…

he knows you’re here, and he will not let you down. he pushes more to stand up, moving his feet so it stabilized him as he straightens his legs…

7…

he erects from the floor and stood in his stance again, head lolling as he brushes the blood away that flooded from his nose. the sound of the bell ring and he moves around again, getting a surge of energy to continue until the end of the round 15 seconds later. a few jabs and hooks hurt the opponent.

the bell rings signaling the end of the round as his coach and his assistant crawl up to the ring and give him his water bottle while wiping his face with the towel, and giving him a small ball of tissue for his bloody nostril. they put the vaseline combo on his skin again so that it helps him and his wounds more.

“you did well there.” his coach says, shaking his body and arms so it doesn’t go numb.

“no, i’m sorry, my mind got into a bit of a haze back there.” taehyun replied after taking out his mouthguard. the coach nods as he knows what the boy meant as he sees the burgundy figure approaching closer to his corner. taehyun’s eyes set on you as his coach turns to meet you in the flesh.

“you must be the girl…” he said as you turn towards him, tilting your head while taehyun shrugged.

“yeah, she is.” taehyun looks at his coach, still huffing. “can she-“

“yeah, she can.” the coach permitted you to get into the ring, nodding at you as you climb in. you were holding onto a messenger bag where its strap goes across your chest and pipe jeans with sneakers on.

“i’m so sorry, it’s- fuck. it’s a long story.” you hugged him, not caring about how sweaty he is as he stay still before you lean back.

“no, it’s okay. you’re here now.” he looks up to meet you. the way the lights that shine on the ring now illuminate your figure but obscure your face so only he could see. you wear wearing pretty smoky eye makeup with your winged eyeliner. his gloved hand comes to touch your side as he brushes it against his burgundy sweater you’re wearing. he tried his best, but blood seems to rush down to his lower part—he wants to rip it off of you. his coach taught him to not relieve himself before a match, but he felt the frustration even more when you’re here.

taehyun closes his eyes and feels the chills on his skin when you kiss his forehead. your lips linger there as you brush his dark bangs away. his enlarged eyes uncovered looking into yours, seeing something new other than your cracked vase. a fixed vase as your eyes wrinkle.

“i know that you can beat him. i didn’t know shit about boxing but i almost saw you knock him down. so i believe you can…” you replied. taehyun looks at you, smiling from cheek to cheek, and he stood up so he can hug you again.

“you want to take this sweater from me, right? then beat him.”

you whispered in his ear, pulling yourself away from him to go outside of the ring. the coach gives him his mouthguard back as the bell rings, starting the seventh round.

his mind is much clearer as he throws punches, jabs, and hooks as best as he can. his abs muscles are aching for being such an easy target, but he prevails, knocking him back or even more. and at round nine, he notices his opponent swaying and his energy depleted. that’s when taehyun punches him and knocks him down, his chest rises and falls while everyone counts along with the referee.

taehyun’s gaze stays on his opponent—who doesn’t struggle much—then stand to you, who stood beside his coach. your eyes caught his as you give a slight pout, hearing the count rounding to 10 in 3… 2…

ding ding ding!

taehyun sensed how his body almost knocks down by his peers, hugging him like how he did to them in the earlier matches. his head facing the ceiling to breathe out before seeing you let out a grin he hasn’t seen in a long time. as the referee raises his hand, he can feel hands reach for him, saying how well he has done and how he qualified for the next round. taehyun brought himself to his opponent, and compose him before they both hugged. as he turns to see you, the thought of things he’ll do with you is slowly moving forwards.

“hey, coach. can i go to the hotel first?” he said when he recognized his coach wrap his arm around the boy’s shoulder. the coach squints his eyes before mumbling “teenagers“, making taehyun chuckle as the man lets him go.

“your room key is in your locker with your bag.” the coach says as he nods before leaving him. taehyun steps down from the ring and wraps his gloved hand around one of your forearms as he brings you away from the sea of people.

“where are we going?” you replied got muffled by the velcro strap he ripped open in the hallway, pulling the glove off by biting the rubber.

“you’ll see. wait for me here, gonna grab my bag.” you stay beside the door he went in like he wanted as he arrives at the locker he was assigned to and put on a hoodie he wears as a replacement for his sweater, changing into his usual shorts from his boxing one. seeing the key as he pulls his bag out, he puts it in the pocket before closing it and grabbing the strap.

from the crowded and warm room full of people, the night breeze greets both of you. taehyun sense the cold from it as his sweat is still sticking onto his skin, weakening him with the breeze. both of you walk in the street of the unknown town to the hotel he and his club has checked in.

“why are you so quick, tyun?” you giggled before he stops you, holding onto both of your shoulders while you bite your bottom lip.

“just, it’s that i haven’t jerked off in weeks. coach’s order. but seeing you in my sweater is making me…”

“you called me here to fuck?” your eyes squint.

“not like that. it’s just a side effect-“ he hisses as he moves his body, especially after being reminded of how bruised his body is after the match.

“we’ll talk it out on the way to the hotel.” you cut him off, nudging towards him before he took both of you away.

when you both enter the hotel and pass the lobby to go to the elevator, he stood right across from you when you open your mouth, asking, “you’ve changed, right?”

“define change.” he challenges.

“what we talked about before at school and in the chat room.”

“i hope so, you?”

“my sentiment also,” you quickly replied before stepping closer to him. “i’m not going to lie here. you look hot in the ring…”

taehyun chuckles, “you said you wanted to wait for me to patch up first…”

“you started it, now i can’t think of it.” you close the gap between the two of you as you whisper, “think of it like my appreciation to you for winning that match.”

taehyun quickly leans forward and captures your lips in his as the door of the elevator opens and he dragged you to the hotel hallway in the room's direction. as you both reached there, he felt your hands wrapped around his front, back hugging him as he opens the door.

“this room is for you alone, right? no roommate.” your chin pressed down his back muscles as he inserts the key in.

“i was supposed to be here with kai but he back down cause he has a new partner he wants to have dates with.” he picked up your gasp right as he turn the key and heard the door unlocked.

“really? ho-“

he pulled you in and pushed you against the door as its close, enclosing you in between his arm as he slotted the key back in and lock the door. “we can talk about this later, yeah?”

you giggled as you caressed his hair, brushing away the sticky hair while nodding. after pulling off your shoes and socks, he brought you into the room to see the two single beds as he puts his bag on the one closest to the door—you follow him. his hands found the end of his sweater that looks different because of you wearing it. hands rested on his nape as he caress your covered skin underneath the sweater, letting him kiss them every time he turns his head.

your arms stretch above you as he pulls his sweater off of you, seeing you dressed in a black muscle tank that fits your torso as he put the sweater on the occupied bed. “your turn to have layers, huh?” taehyun teasingly asked.

“not my intention. it’s just what happened,” you smirk as you lean in and kiss him more and deeper. your hands are reaching for his abdomen when he winces, making you lean back. “too hard?”

“yeah…”

you brought him to sit on the other bed as you pulled your jeans off, making him see the anklet he hasn’t seen in a long time. he pulled off his hoodie as you take your tank top off before putting it on beside your jeans, leaving you in your undergarments that is matching in colors. he tried to open his shorts, but he heard a tsk coming from you, kneeling in between his legs as he allowed you to pull it off of him.

“you’re hurting and i’ll try my best to not make it hurt.”

he sighs as your hand is on his bulge before pulling his boxers, making him lift his hips to let you pull them down and throw them somewhere in the room. your callused fingers trail up the skin of his thigh as he squirmed from the ticklish sensation he got before it arrive at his base, seeing it had already risen a little.

“did you get turned on at the match? you’re nearly there,” you comment on that as you gave him a stroke to let his blood flow more there.

“yeah. i’m frustrated when you’re not there so i tried to pour it out in the fight and other advice the coach gave to me. then you came and this,” he looked down, “grew.”

“uh-huh…” you hummed as you wet your palm with your saliva and caress it on him, making the movement much smoother as he let out tiny groans, knowing he’s in a hotel room instead of the comfort of his home. his jaw drops when he sees you let him inside your mouth. your lips pucker while dragging your head back and you let your tongue lick his tip as he brushes away your hair. the lights coming from outside the sheer curtain reflect on both of you.

your hand reaches for his hip to hold him down, noticing the scabs that form because of your excessive nail picking that goes beyond cleaning your free edges like you used to. the fingertips he remembered is harder and thicker—you might have played your guitar more often. one of his hands reaches for yours as the other is holding him up. you let him caress your hand as he felt the scab along the open wounds he remembered. he let out a groan as he sees how deeper you suck him; as if you were waiting for a long time to showcase it to him.

hearing your muffled moan, he catches your free hand playing with yourself as he sits up to caress your head, gripping the hand as he sees you pleasure yourself with him. his other hand reaches to caress your cheekbone, sometimes pushing you down so you stay still and embrace him.

you pull out and peer up at him, seeing a sheen of saliva around your lips as you wipe them away before stroking his now hard and raging member. he pulls you up before hugging you, pushing you close to him by your cheeks and gives a kiss on your stomach—holding onto your body as if you disappeared if he lets go. taehyun noticed your body is frailer than the last time, eyes looking at the almost-faded cigarette burn marks still on your thigh. underneath the eu de toilette you still use until this day, he hasn’t smelled the distinct cigarette scent again. it’s as if you’re transferring how to cope when your parent is more restrictive than before—showing off how you hurt yourself instead of hiding it like you used to.

taehyun pushes your underwear down before guiding you to sit on his lap, both of your legs spreading to the other side of his legs. he hears you gasp as your wet core touches his skin. leaning down to catch his lips, your hand traces his sweaty body, the muscles that ache from the ring as it still awake to indulge you, before rubbing a few of his wounds, making you lean away.

“i’m scared that if i ride you, i’m going to hurt you.” you pouted as he kiss the pout. he stares into your eyes before seeing you raise your eyebrows. you move against his thighs to drape your hand around his neck as slowly as possible, his hands holding onto your back as he gives kisses above your breasts before sucking the skin on your shoulder. your chin sits on his shoulder as he sensed how your breath caresses his earlobe, how you sigh and whisper profanities you used to exclaim.

“take me, taehyun. i need you.” he heard you whisper, making him separate your fronts that were touching. he brushes your hair as he sees that look back in your eyes, the feverish passion he always had and thought with you coming back. the way your hand reaches one of his that is beside your head to let his thumb traces your puffy lips, giving a slight suck on the fingertip.

“lay down with your back facing up.” he juts his chin towards the pillows behind the two of you as you let him go. he sees you stretching your head and neck before following what he said.

taehyun grabs the condom from his bag and puts it on, wetting his palm to help make the rubber slip easier. though it’s his second time, he still feels nervous to be in a more dominant position. but with the way you act, it seems that you’re letting him take charge—making him feel more blood rushing down to his parts.

he grabs another pillow from the other bed and he sees you laying face down on the pillow, looking to the side as you tried your best to breathe. as he climbs up the mattress, he lifted your pelvis and put a pillow right beneath the part where your stomach and hips meet, making him see your core underneath the light before he pulls your hips up, your knees arching along.

your head is looking behind your shoulder as best as you can as he let his tip touches your hole before he’s pushing in. taehyun hears your moan as you muffled yourself with the pillow you’re holding onto. hands gripping onto your pelvis, he embraces your walls once again after a long time, missing the tight pressure that is making both of you sensitive. his thrusts are careful as he tried to memorize every part of you in him.

all he wanted was to pound you for the teasing you did and the frustration he succumbed to. at how you thought you were the right one before he gave you his piece of mind. he sees your hand coming up behind you, reaching for something before he grips it with his own. you have a fiery look in your eyes as you face him.

“fuck, go harder,” you said before letting out a moan, your hips pushing up against him to meet his slow push. feeling it deeper in you. taehyun’s grip on your hand flatters as he opens the hook of your bra before leaning in closer.

“my fucking pleasure.” taehyun gritted his teeth as he grips onto your love handles before drilling you into the mattress. the number of moans you let out multiplied as you tried your best to muffle it down or add more air as you gasp. the strap of your undergarments falls down your arm as he reaches beneath you and your breasts move with his harder and faster thrusts.

with his position and sore body, he leans down his body and lays on top of you, grabbing both of your hands to rest them on each side of your head. your head pivots as he kisses your spine up to your shoulder blades, hips now focusing on pushing deeper. his head nears your ear as you try to breathe, sweat falling down your temple as he kisses it before the corner of your lips, seeing you pout to kiss him more.

“i fucking miss you.” he groans into your ear as the mattress moves because of his movement. you tried your best to crane your head to kiss him, but one of your hands fell out of his grip as it reaches for his nape so you could capture his mouth to yours.

“i miss you too,” you whine. he sees your eyes glistening as you stare at him so beautifully. the strength from inside him comes as he pulls you up into the kneeling position, hands holding onto the front of your body as you let out quiet moans you’ve learned this moment. his hand moves to your clit and breasts as you hold on to one of them, teeth and tongue clashing with him as best as you can. the groans and moans between the two of you combined with the skin slapping filled the room—little intrusion from the street of downtown making it livelier than he expected.

thrust upon thrust and marks decorating your back as your well-kept nails create scratches on his forearm. he felt himself about to burst.

“i’m cumming.”

“come for me, tyun,” you said with his nickname as he burst inside the condom. his hands going limp as you try to find your edge, his hips moving automatically to help you.

“fuc- i’m-“ you exclaimed as your body tremble before both of you fell to the mattress. the pillow has stains from your makeup as you try to not mess it up more. both of you trying your best to breathe and make yourself steady as he kisses your cheekbone before mumbling against your skin.

“i like you so much. you got me wrapped around your finger since the day you moved in across from me, moon (y/n).”

he lets go of your body before slipping out, hearing you exhale as you turn your head to face him. tying the condom up and throwing it in the trash can, he felt the lingering sense of you watching him as he turns his figure around. you nibble on your swollen bottom lip as he stood there, staring into your soul with him bearing one for you to judge. he finally let out his feelings for you. that no matter what happened between the two of you, he still likes you, and he will love you if you let him.

you wince from the pain in your hips as you stood up. tired, naked bodies facing one another as you step towards him, reaching for his nape as you push yourself closer to him, your skin near touching his as he felt your breath.

“well…” you let out a small smile, “you got me wrapped around your finger, kang taehyun.”

you give him a peck on the kiss as you both looked at each other, memorizing each other as your finger trails his facial feature. all the frustration he had gotten from you and his match all dissipated. there is only care between you.

taehyun washes himself up as told by you while you help clean the room. there is a robe hanging by the bathroom door that he wants to wear, one part of a pair that you’re wearing while cleaning. behind the running water, he heard the door knock before someone opens it, hoping it was not one of his club friends. when he came out, he sees you in his sweater already ordered food from room service.

“eat up. you’re tired after the match and fucking. i don’t want you to die on me this early.” you jokingly said to him as you entered the bathroom. your messenger bag is on top of the table beside your discman that is open, seeing the cd mix he made for you inside it with a small first aid kit pack next to it.

after you both wash up and eat up—dressed in the robe from the bathroom—he sits on the floor as you pulled the upper part of his robe open and bring the first aid kit with you. putting on the antiseptic on his wounds as he observes your own. he sees you prepping for the bandage to be put on his much more open wounds. your eyes meticulously scan all over his face as he can’t take his stare off of the scabs on your finger.

“do you want me to patch you up, too?” he questioned. you look at where his eyesight is.

“it’s okay. all of them are already scabs.” he hums at your answer.

“how is it?” he asked as you put on a bandage on his cheekbone.

“you did well. i didn’t expect that you were struggling before i came.” you chuckle as you put a bandage on the bridge of his nose. “you beat the guy. so good for you.”

“hmm, yeah.” he nods as he let you finish patching him up.

“i almost failed to be here,” you spoke out as you lean back, both of you sitting on the floor as you closed and tidy his robe once again.

“i tried sneaking around, telling my sisters to help me, which they agree and luckily, ma’s not home since she went with her friends again.” you push your tongue into your cheek, “then pa found me.” you gaze at him from the corner of your eyes.

“i was scared shitless when i got caught. i don’t know shit about this town and sooyoung wanted to come with but she can’t drive a car even if she wants to drive pa’s caravan. so i realize from the deepest part of my heart that i’m not going to go.” you wrapped your arms around yourself, hugging yourself as you lean back against the mattress—following the boy.

“i spoke to him as best as i could. my papa doesn’t talk that much and his power plus influence stays underneath ma’s for most of my life. so, i don’t know what he’s thinking and what he’ll do. it came to my surprise when he offered to bring me here…” taehyun’s eyebrows raised.

“no way.”

“i know, right? so yeah, he brought me here and gave me pocket money. that’s why i can call room service and order us food.” you tuck your knees near your chest before putting your head on his shoulder. his hand reaches yours as he brought them to his lap, brushing it with his thumb.

“pa’s has been more forward towards us and sneaking up behind ma too. i never thought that day would happen…” he sees you from the corner of his eyes, a somber look on your face as you stare into the darkness in the hotel room.

“i’m happy he retaliates. i know little about him because ma always overshadows him and her grip on us—her grip on him too. it’s…” your head shakes on his shoulder.

“i still don’t get it. like why now? why not earlier? why hasn’t he been able to stand up against his wife who’s controlling the family and throws him aside too as she uses his hard-earn money for her expenses?” you groan before rubbing your face with your palm as he faces you to him, holding onto your robe-covered body as he stares into you, seeing all the confusion floating in you as a little star sits there in the middle. its light being pushed back from all of its shadows—the conflict, pain, and suffering in your life.

“love makes people do crazy things. i think your dad loves your mom so much that he hasn’t realized how much you suffer in your life. you told me that your family has a traditional view on gender roles, right?” you nodded to reply to him. “maybe he now realizes how your mom enforces it to all five of you is not helping, but hurting you instead.”

“not exactly but enforcing it, but she wants to make us a clone of her.” you right him and he nods as you return to the topic. “does it mean that he fell out of love with ma? because i don’t see it that way.” he chuckles after hearing your observation.

he remembered that halloween night as he pulls off his costume in his room, seeing the dodge caravan parked in your house’s carpark. seeing a silhouette of a man stumbling out of the driver’s seat as he approaches the front door before his body limps by the frame. he got chills that night, the first time he sees the parents of the sisters he adores not wearing his mysterious mask—his persona that he shows to people in the neighborhood.

“from what you’ve said to me in our chat room and what you’re telling me now. i don’t think it’s not because he fell out of love with your mom.” he cups your cheek as you gaze at him, eyes sparkling with stars littering in it; as if the entire world is on his palms. his entire world.

“i think it’s because his love for his children grew tenfold. when your dad cried that homecoming night, i have a sense that he’s guilty of something.” taehyun sensed something aching in his heart that differed greatly from the one has gone through before. yes, he has felt sad, angry, disgusted, terrified, and joyful. but this is the first time that when it’s tugging him, tears are forming in his eyes.

it is as if he is connected to you so much, he feels your pain, your stress, and how it has hurt you inside out. taehyun has never been this empathetic before, maybe once when euphoria surged in when his sister got into her dream college from the mail. taehyun sniffles his nose as you glance at him in concern, to which he replied with a small smile.

“i sense regret coming from him but also pride. proud to see his daughters growing up so well and regret to know that you all persevere without his help at all. cause, in my mind, he wanted to, but he can’t.” hearing his words, he sees you openly sob in front of him, letting him brush away the droplets of tears coming out—knowing his own will come out eventually.

“and i think he realized just how important you and your sisters are in his life. maybe much more than his wife.” the tears gather from the corner of his eyes, threatening to fall as he can’t keep up with his emotions again, letting his bearing soul connects with yours.

“and i think he realized how big his love is for his daughters.” he leans his forehead against you as he hears both of your sniffles. eyes open to look at yours as you regulate your breathing.

“like how big my love is for you.”

wait, what?

“huh?”

“you heard her, right?”

“what the fuck?”

“no way…” jiwoo said as she pushes the door closed. five of you are in your oldest sisters’ room, staring at each other. all of them looking stunned in their own different ways. you don’t believe that this has happened. hyejoo has anger inside her eyes. jiwoo wanted to cry out if she can’t hold on much longer. chaewon’s eyes are empty. sooyoung looks much more tired when the frown overcomes her face.

“is that why she went out so much these past few months? trying to find the right people to be our husbands?” hyejoo breaks the silence.

you caught it right. mama is arranging all five of your marriages with her friends’ sons. you wanted to throw up and crawled yourself out of your skin from how unbelievable she is.

winter break doesn’t have to be any worse than what've you faced. the start of a new year doesn’t have to be like this. mama didn’t even have an arranged marriage with papa, why does she want it now? for wealth? status? ego? you don’t know. what you recognize is that she is playing her pawns—all five of you—and putting them in places that benefit her and she’s the only one that got the benefit out of them.

“hey, hey, hyejoo. please…” sooyoung reaches out towards her sister, wrinkles forming between her eyebrows before she brought her younger sister into an embrace.

“she fucking ruined everything.” your triplet said into your sister’s shoulder as you gnaw the inside of your mouth. you glance at jiwoo who has a rare scowl on her face and chaewon who has a pillow in her arms. the tension builds in the room as nobody talks. even sooyoung—the usual mediator—can’t say anything, eyes getting emptier as she succumbed to the pressure before holding onto hyejoo tighter.

“okay…” you’re the one brave enough to cut the silence. “you heard what she said. she arranged partners for all of us and we know who they are. she said they are her friends’ children. i, for certain, don’t agree with any bullshit she’s doing. but…” i need to talk to taehyun, your thought cuts you off. but you look towards the desk that only has specks of dust on it. no humming can be picked up. the last device you own to communicate with anyone—other than the home telephone—is gone.

when you call home from the hotel room for papa to pick you up—he was the one to tell you to call the previous day, you thought he or one of your sisters was the one that picks up the phone. that’s when you find out her voice and froze up, cutting the line as fast as you can as long beep echoes in the room. you turn your head towards taehyun who is in the other bed, awake enough to realize the expression on your face.

“take me home with you, please.“

she was furious when she found out you went out to be with taehyun—no other explanation is necessary before she scolds you as she usually does. yet, that day was different,

that day when you come home was the first time more than you and hyejoo had protested against her explicitly. droplets of blood were flying to the floor as your sisters looked at it in horror. you were furious with your unlucky streak before your sisters stepped forward. hyejoo pushes to stand in front of you as jiwoo holds your face, scratches with blood flowing on your cheek because of the rings on mama’s fingers when she slaps you. chaewon tried to hold mama down, but she also got pushed to the floor. sooyoung was the one to calm her from her raging fit at you. instead, words are flying about how a terrible daughter and sister she is for not following what the matriarch told her and not keeping her sister intact.

papa stood on the sideline near the stairs as he sees everything in the living room, your torn tank top on the strap that you should hold up to not expose your torso, your bleeding cheek that jiwoo is cleaning up, and your broken discman that is split into two from mama’s stomp, empty of any cd. as your sisters and mother argue, you turn towards papa who has a grim look on his face before his wife calls for him. eyes glance up at his wife with trembles that the others don’t recognize—you were the closest to have noticed and your eyes have trembled like him too.

you cowered when your mother tells all of you to shut it, hearing the heavy steps above you as you see the only desktop all you and your sister has a collective being brought down to the garage, the sticky notes all of you have put on still sticks to the frame. one by one, he brought down the pieces of the machine you used to communicate with other people outside of the house.

“once winter break comes: no leaving the house. no land telephone. no communication outside of the home.“

as the two weeks before winter break that is full of exams has come, you didn’t speak with anyone—your sisters also didn’t as all of you are rattled by the bomb that was dropped at home. you give taehyun a shake of your head when he tried to approach you. not right now. you hope he gets your message as he nods before walking away. you spend your time at school listening to the noise you didn’t notice before, the sound of the rustling leaves as they died to prepare for the snow, the scratchy voices of people at school talking, and the chirping of birds flying in the sky.

when the first snow falls, you and chaewon enviously looked outside the window to the children of your neighborhood welcoming the falling snow. hands and feet hurting from all the lessons you got both ballet and musical instruments—the last classes before winter break were yesterday. you watch girls and boys opening their arms as the snow falls on them, seeing the white particles on their clothes. the new family with their toddler child introduces the snow to the little one, playing in it with the mother and father. as you breathe out, you can see the air droplets you let out from the dropping temperature.

she has taken your freedom from all of you. you will not be surprised if she pulled all five of you out of school during winter break so you all have to be homeschooled with, of course, her.

you didn’t communicate to taehyun verbally during winter break. the last time you saw him was when he walked home from training, a gym bag on his shoulder from the match he told you about before, one near the end of the year as he pushes into the quarter-finals with his matches. but he caught you from the window, giving a wave as specks of snow are on his dark hair—glasses fogged because of his breath.

“do we wanna do this?” you said to them before looking at your anklets that held on until this day. “do we want to end our lives together?”

all of your sisters are silent hearing your implication. the pact that you made between the five of you has held onto all of you so tight that even thinking of it makes you have to tell them. it tells them you don’t want to exist in this world anymore. and at this time and in this situation, you might be happier if you’re not.

“no.”

“don’t.”

“no…”

“we’re not.”

your sisters’ rejection filled your ears as you can’t hold back the corner of your mouth from lifting. though, rationally, you said “yes” to it anytime so that your suffering ends. deep beneath your heart, a “no” always lingers. and for this life you have been living for the past six months, the “no” has grown and rivalled the “yes”. the realization of it waters your eyes as you watch your sisters glance at one another.

“then all of us have something to hold on to stay alive,” you spoke your mind as you brushed the tears that are falling down the apples of your cheek. opening your arms, chaewon knocks out your breath by hugging you first. the pillow stayed between the two of you as your other sisters gather and make a group hug—the sobs and sniffles filling the cold room.

pushing them away with your might, your sisters giggled as sooyoung gather you into a circle putting your right foot where the anklet sits to the middle, joining toes together. you glance at all four of your sisters as they let out chuckles before hyejoo pushes the ones beside her forward as all of you follow to connect your head together.

“hold on tight.” sooyoung said.

“love each other.” jiwoo added.

“we can do it.” chaewon spoke.

“fuck them up.” hyejoo exclaimed.

“stay alive, pixies,” you mumbled before the circle dispersed.

on christmas morning, you didn’t expect a feast to be put at the dining table as you all look at it, bewildered. mama stands at her end of the table while papa is doing work in his office in the house. the house doesn’t even have a christmas tree or decorations themed around it as you got even more confused when mama gave each of you a present in a box. opening it, you see a beautiful gown and a matching pair of elbow-length gloves that you know comes from a fashion house, judging by sooyoung’s gasp as she viewed it. it has a similar shape to the homecoming dress you wore, but the fabric is velvet—much more expensive than what you wore. you stare at it before looking at your sisters’, seeing how they are the same, but the dark colors are different; from purple-based to green-based.

“on the 31st, we’re going to the ball i told you. at it, you’ll meet the suitors i have picked for each of you.“ you glance at the end of the table as you don’t want to react out loud from her gift. you don’t want to react to satisfy her ego.

“remember, make me proud. and be glad that i found you husbands who are as handsome and rich as our family.“

‘will they make me happy? you wanted to comment, but she command you to eat the food in front of you. you glance at chaewon who is sitting across from you behind the clinking sound of the fork meeting the plate. her wrists exposed the scars from her coping ways—the lines are much thicker than you remembered but not deep enough to bleed out like last time. her eyes took glances at your matriarch who is having fun by herself with her new cell phone before returning to you, the first time you see her rolling her eyes in disgust almost making you splutter the meal you eat. even the softest of five of you is done with her antics.

when the night of the 31st came, you heard a vehicle starting outside as you fixed your dress. a little tighter for your liking, but it looks modern enough for the 90s and regal at the same time—regal is what mama likes people to call everything about her.

you stared out the window as sooyoung is fixing your dress, seeing the caravan not in its place. all of you are helping one another in each of your outfits when you helped in spraying the perfume and jiwoo fixing your concealer. hyejoo is fixing sooyoung’s hair while chaewon fixed the accessories. the clock hand is close to 10 at night—the time you need to go. you never celebrated new year’s eve but you’ve seen the festivities before from the tv to the fireworks outside your window.

in the car that your mom is driving with her high heels; much more luxurious and modern compared to the caravan, you sit in the backseat with all three of your sisters whilst chaewon—still her golden child—sits at the front. your shoulder rubbed against sooyoung’s as you stare out of the car window beside you, letting your eyes gaze at the jungle full of towers high above and touching clouds. you realized mama brought you downtown to a place that is supposed to be for your social class—that she’s the one being benefitted the most from your family. it is s a ball, as she reminded you.

you see, down the streets, people preparing to close the road for the festivity. you knew this year’s new year’s eve is special as all of you who are alive are entering a new era. a new year, a new decade, a new century, and a new millennium. the 2000s.

the pressure is real when you faced that daunting fact, that for everybody alive currently: the 2000s is something new and they are the ones that are going to build on it. people are crowding the street going to places like pubs with live music that you haven’t gone to in a long time. you wished you still do because you love music and you wished you still have your discman with you as mama is putting on a radio station that is playing christmas songs. you want to return to listen to exciting guitar riffs and unique voices again.

the car stops in front of a lobby of a large building with people all around it. the butlers in suits open the door and offer you a hand as you stand up, waiting for all of your sisters to come out as you were met with cameras all over you. this is a real deal, you thought—scared of being bombarded by one. but when you look at your eldest sister’s face, she’s living it. the valet drives the car away as you climb up the stairs into a foyer with mama at the front—looking like the ducklings that followed their mother duck you saw in an illustration from your elementary school biology textbook.

the sparkling ballroom full of people and chandeliers blinded your eyes as it has been a long time since you’d been to one of these balls—the last time was before you enter your first year in high school. her group of friends immediately greeted mama, the ones you knew as her friends back in her school years—seungmin’s mother was a weird detail you notice. you let out a smile along with your sisters as your mama’s friends greet and compliment all of you. you were glad you didn’t shriek in surprise when one of them has a chihuahua in their purse or one of them pinch your cheek until it hurts.

five of her friends are left standing by her side, all of them—you recognize—having sons. you stood with hyejoo beside you, seeing her clenching her dress fabric. it scares you that she will tear it; not that she cared about it. they all talked to mama before glancing at each of you one by one.

“are we going to meet our “suitors”?" her hands raised to make quotation marks, making you giggle in this horrible situation all of you are in.

“i think so. you didn’t expect to be paired out with freaking liu yangyang, right?”

“how about you with that lad, jay park-“

“don’t remind me, hye.” you shush her up as you see yangyang and jay’s mothers approaching both of you. you went back into your previous posture and give a small smile as you greet both women.

“let me bring you to jay, sweetie.” she giggled as she took you away from your sisters, all of you separated in different directions as you strode on the carpeted floors. you then find a boy that is talking with a girl, a smirk don on his face before his mother taps him to stop their conversation. he subtly pushes the girl away before turning to you and you already know his infamous playboy behavior is out and about tonight. you didn’t even believe he was as young as you and heard many rumors of him switching girls every two months on average.

“jay. you’ve met (y/n) before.” his mother said to him as you see him squint his eyes, a look you recognize coming from him as he grabs your gloved hand in his.

“moon (y/n).”

“jay park,” you replied similarly.

“i will leave you two to bond.” mrs. park says as she gives you a wink before blending into the crowds.

“whatever bond is,” you mumbled.

“i can show you what bond is.” you heard the boy flirt as you pulled your hand out of his grasp, timidly holding it beside you.

“uh… can we go grab something to eat?” you rub your stomach beneath your dress. “i’m starving.”

“of course.” he then guides you to the buffet table as you search around, seeing a few people you’ve recognized since you were little all grown up. you tried to get as much food as you can because of reasons: 1. mama added more to your food limitations since she scolded you for going past curfew—meaning that you forget how some food tastes; and 2. you want to disgust the man? boy? whoever he classified himself from you by eating like a pig. surely, it won’t be attractive to have a “wife” like this.

“so, where do you go to school?” you talked to him as you eat while he grabs an alcoholic-looking drink that you know he wasn’t supposed to drink.

“a boarding school for the rich. i thought you went there ‘cause you smell like money.” he tried to flirt with you again as you nod.

“i don’t go there.” you almost burp out as you tried to digest all the food you put on your plate. “different school. a public one.” he hums as he sips before he puts his drink, grabbing a plate of strawberry-covered chocolate that he tried to eat seductively.

“i also know about your don juan? lothario ways?” you squint your eyes as you watch his reaction.

“i prefer to call it casanova. but keep going.”

you leaned back before continuing with your words. “and you go to boarding school so…”

you see him smirk while chewing his strawberry, wiping the chocolate coming out of his mouth before saying, “i fucked almost all girls there…”

then and there, you almost vomited out your food as you heard him giggling behind you. a subtle disgust is on your face when you turn to him as you pick yourself up. “almost all?” you questioned.

“yeah with students, below me, the same year, above me, teacher-“ you cut his tangent from your hearing as you ignore him flaunting on sticking his dick inside any women he sees at his school. you rubbed the crumbs from the corner of your lips—careful for your makeup cause mama will come back into her fury mode if she sees a small smudge. the boy talks away as he looks somewhere else, a perfect time for you to slip away into the crowd.

you find a buffet table for drinks as you grab yourself a small glass of water before chugging it into you, feeling the liquid refreshing your esophagus as the last time you drank was before you prepare to come here. holding the glass close to your lips, you view the lipstick mark on the side before you wipe it away with your fingers. your eyes wander around the room, trying to locate your sisters with the boys mama assigned them to. trailing and trailing at the sea of heads when you see someone, your hand froze up as you try not to let the grip of the glass go but not too hard to make it shatter in your hand.

kang taehyun.

he’s wearing an all-black ensemble with a turtleneck right beneath his coat. the glasses sit on his face perfectly and his dark hair has gel in them, letting him style it with his forehead exposed.

what is he doing here?

you put the glass on the table for dirty dishes before you walk on the floor, eyes focused on him. people seem to understand you’re passing by, dispersing so that you can reach him easier. taehyun seems to sense it too when he turns and sees you, a smirk forming on his face. when you reached him, you pat his shoulders before he held your hand against his heart.

“it’s you, right? i’m not dreaming?” you murmured. you can feel it beating beneath the layers between your skin and his skin.

“it’s me.”

you hug him, wrapping your hands to pull him close to you as he puts his hands on your waist—he knows because you’ve hugged and held each other so much. you pull away, letting your gloved hand caress his cheek.

“what are you doing here?” he holds on while he looks at the crowd behind you. the lights are getting dimmer. you can pick up slow jazz playing, letting people dance if they want to.

“i’m taking you away with me,” he spoke out.

“what?” he grabbed onto your hand and pulled you out of the ballroom.

“w- what about my sisters? they’re still in there-“

“their partners have brought them out too,” he explained as you try to keep up with him. seeing the lobby, he brought you down the stairs into the cold street of the downtown area. you heard the explosions of fireworks all around as you walk down the pavement—as carefully as you can because of the heels you’re wearing. the exposed skin along your shoulder can’t combat the cold. hearing you loudly hiss, taehyun offers his blazer for you to wear—buttoning it up so it doesn’t make you much colder.

“how did you find me there? what’s happening?” you genuinely asked. everything is moving behind your back and you don’t like it. you don’t recognize anyone that is as meticulous in planning a heist as this.

for the answer, taehyun pulled out a folded paper from his pant pocket, nudging it to you. you stop underneath a hanging roof of a restaurant, the dim lights coming inside and christmas-themed lights around you help you read out loud taehyun’s handwriting, which you realized aren’t his words.

hello, my daughters.

i know that this is a sudden message to be told, but i’m hoping that each one of you is with a person who you trusted and i also trusted. sooyoung with juyeon, (y/n) with taehyun, hyejoo with sunwoo, chaewon with seungmin, and jiwoo with gyuri as kai had spoken to me—no matter your circumstance, jiwoo, you will always be my daughter.

i’ve sent them here to get you out of the ball that your mama has brought you. i know she didn’t ask for your permission to go and for setting all of you up for marriage. i’m aware she is trying to exert her power on all of you for the last time this year. with the start of the new year, a new decade, a new century, and a new millennium, i hope you will forgive me for not being the best father in your life. i will settle this down during your winter break with your mama and i hope that all of you will be safe wherever you will be for the break.

i love all of you so much and i will reach for you when i’m done or when i need you.

love. papa.

both of your hands hold onto the paper, goosebumps rising underneath the coat. biting your lip, you swipe your tears that haven’t fallen out as you read it one more time to get the words right.

he cares, and he loves you.

“how did you get this?” you mumbled, rubbing your nose because of the dry cold air and tears forming.

“your dad contacted us through aim messenger after a few days after we went home. he told everything to us about what all of you are going through and he needed someone to protect you for the time being. he made a plan to bring us to the ball and pick all of you up as he prepares something behind the scene. he didn’t say much else out of that, but he said he wanted to help you find your happiness after the escalation back home.”

you looked down at the letter, reading the last few words from it as you grab taehyun’s hand, keeping him near you. is that why he has disappeared so much? is that why he has been in his office most of the time? he’s in there trying to help all of you and helping himself too. you wanted to join in on the fight with him and you could read your sisters’ minds that they also want to be with him. but based on the letter, all you have to do is to trust him and trust the preparation he has done to execute.

“i know you agree with this. but i don’t want to be a burden to you and your family. your sister might come home for the break, right? i don’t want to bother her rest with my presence.” you said as you lean your head against his chest, his arm wrapped behind you.

“my parents rent a cottage in a rural village for winter break. i told my family about your situation from your dad and more from the stories you told me. they agree for you to be there.” taehyun said in your ears as the fireworks explode more and more. “and they agree that you need time to heal and you won’t be if you’re in your house.”

you look up at his face when you heard people all around you counting down. your eyes stick to one of the tvs that are playing in the restaurant as the number goes down. people standing and gathering as they stared at the countdown, hands holding a drink of their choice, a few of them wearing glasses with frames that spell the number 2000 on them. as it gets closer, you can hear them counting down loudly from the inside.

fireworks explosions filled the outside as you take a glimpse above the hanging roof, lights sparkling in the dark sky more and more.

your head turns towards the boy as both of you give a knowing smile.

you lean in and kiss him. his hands hold onto you more and you tilt his head, feeling the lips you have missed. the exploding lights and bustling people inside the pub filling your ears with excitement.

pulling away, you glance at him as he glances at you. a certain confidence in his eyes combines with loveliness.

“happy new year, my pixie.”

“happy new year, my silly boy.”

both of you chuckled as you stare at the restaurant, seeing the people sitting back down and fried foods being served on the tables by the servers.

“you want to grab a table?” taehyun asked as he follows your sight.

“we can?” you took a glimpse to see him nod. a grin growing on your face as you drag him, opening the restaurant’s door.

“you have to tell me how your match went…”

the two of you enter the restaurant as the firework extravaganza continues. celebrating a new chapter of everyone’s life, including you and taehyun.

the moon sisters disappeared on the first day of january in the year 2000.

“so, that is how you two met...”

taehyun stares across the dining table to view the pre-teen girl leaning against it. her hands playing with the fork on the table.

“i left out gory details because i don’t want your sisters to know now.” taehyun replied. the sun shines brightly into their house as they eat for the first time in the new year.

it is the first of january of the year 2023 when taehyun tells a story to his three daughters during breakfast. the girls are wearing matching pajamas in different sizes.

his oldest, jihye, is the one that sticks to the words he said the most—because she is the one that asked how he and their mom met.

jihyo, the middle child, is focused on playing mario kart 8 deluxe on the nintendo switch.

and the youngest, jihyun, is hugging her precious teddy bear while holding a handle of a small sippy cup full of chocolate milk.

“is that why mom is a, a p- peu- peusychologish?” his youngest asked, sipping the milk from a straw near her lips.

taehyun chuckled when he listened to his child trying to pronounce her mom’s career. a presence lingers beside him when he heard the chair scraping on the wooden floor and sees plates of pancakes with various toppings on them.

“that’s right, bear, that is why i’m a peusychologish.” he glimpses to see you, his wife, standing beside him, wearing a grey tank top that matches his grey t-shirt. you step behind your daughters’ seats to bring the pancakes for each of them. his heart still beats the same for the last 23 years since the two of you met.

you are now a proud child psychologist while he is a retired professional boxer turned boxing coach. he boxes away to national and even international championships while you learn to help children face things that are beyond their understanding. you still play the guitar from time to time, even playing it in your sessions. he remembered when he went home from one of his matches to see you having a session in your office with a child younger than your youngest. you were playing your guitar—finger-picking style—and he sees the child who looks at you, eyes sparkling as the music plays in the room, before hugging your knees, making the caretaker giggle.

as you meet the new millennium, you knew from what happened in your past—and from the way you still watched svu until today—that you want to help other people who face hardships like you do. you were glad that you were given an opportunity to do so and grab them when it’s your time.

when picking a major for university, you were confused if you want to pick psychology or criminology—two of them are nearly the same where one focuses more on criminal psychology. other than the crime shows you watched, you’re curious because of what you have experienced with your mother. so when you realized you have to choose between helping people like her to reform or helping your inner child, taehyun is your beacon and came to the rescue with his opinion. you choose your inner child first because if you are treating children, you also treat your inner child.

you also didn’t expect to have daughters all the times you’ve gotten pregnant as your sisters have sons with each of their partners. with that, you’ve tried your best not to emulate the worst things about your mother to them, learning also from your mother-in-law how to raise a child the good way.

“i also wanna ask.” jihyo exclaimed as all of you consumed your food at the dining table. “is that why grandpa is alone?”

at winter break in the year 2000, when all of you and your sisters disappear from the face of the earth for a few weeks, papa fights your mother in court. he told all of you how he has collected evidence upon evidence of your mother’s physical and emotional abuse towards him and all of you for the past 20 years they are married. he said it’s enough for one case. but more evidence comes out when in the six months you live in that house, she is also cheating with a younger man.

you remembered holding onto chaewon’s hand when a family law attorney papa hired called you for an interview. trembling hands as you shook her hand and jitters crawling down your skin, she turned out to be the most caring person you’ve known back then. you remembered seeing her eyes glisten when you tell how you want to end your life because of your mother’s deeds, showing her scratch marks on your cheek from when she slapped you until you bleed. after a week passed by with no messages, she asked all of you if you rather live with your mother or papa. all of you unanimously said papa rather than her.

when winter break ends and you went back home to your household, the divorce has been settled. even though she got most of the money—because she is a woman without a job—papa got custody of his daughters. all of you settle into your new home a few blocks away from your previous one, letting her live her life in that house alone before she moves in with her younger lover. taehyun seems upset with the turn of events, but he was just glad that you are settled with your domestic life.

“grandpa is not alone. he lives with auntie chae and uncle seungmin.” jihye tells jihyo as she gave both of you a smile.

“that’s right. and by the way, we will meet them at auntie soo’s house for lunch. so finish your breakfast and take a shower after this, okay?”

“okay, mom.” the girls said as they devour the pancakes. you turn to taehyun as he smiles at you with food in his cheeks. the way his glasses sits on the button of his nose, making you push it up.

when jihye volunteers to wash the dishes as her sisters prepare to go to bathe, you drink your coffee with taehyun, staring at the back garden of your house in peace. the wall where the glass door leading to it stood with two empty spaces on both right and left—where both of you put your precious items there. taehyun’s medals and belts are on one side, newspapers and magazine clippings of him in the ring with his belt hanging on the corkboard you put. the other side is you put your music players and cds, seeing the albums you love now in physical form to hand down to your descendants, a few of them are cd mixes seulgi gave to you back in the early 90s and the special cd mix taehyun gave to you.

“i’m so glad i stick with you for 20 years and more.” taehyun heard you said, you have a raspier voice that he swoon about because of your age—and from the cigarettes too.

“i will be glad to stick with you even until the world ends, pixie,” he replied, making you let out a grunt.

“stop with the pixie nickname, okay? it feels different when you’re hearing it at 40 years old.” both of you chuckled as you stand up and wash your cups. taehyun lets out a smile for the life he made with you before joining you in the kitchen, drying away the dishes, and putting them back into the right place.

taglist: @endzii23 @fluffyywoo @camipendragon @hiqhkey @wccycc @stayzentiny @rebsmoonn @boba-beom @angelbythewindow @ttyunz

#[ 🔖 ] — fic rec.#tw: suicidal characters #tw: mature content #tw: angst and tragedy #i’m truly empty and i can now sleep after reading #this definitely deserves so so much more appreciation #if it is your cup of tea if course #taehyun fic #taehyun angst #taehyun fluff #taehyun smut #mdni #writingmochi ᡣ𐭩 #lissie ♡

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