#troll Comte

[ndoandou]

Ikevamp bois playing modern games part 2

Vincent

Vincent is way into.. gartic phone

Qnd perhaps skribble.io

Like way into it

He would sit down 12 hours in front of the computer and guess what HES BEEN PLAYING GARTIC PHONE AND SKRIBBLE.IO IN A LOBBY OF RANDOMS

12 HRS IN HES STILL NOT DONE WITH BOTH GAMES

Hed obv speedrun a drawing in a short period of time and manage to make it look *chefs kiss*

Imagine if skribble.io had a vc feature tho

No no, like imagine if people were actually toxic in this goofy ahh game

They would yell down vincent down the mic telling him to go play with photoshop

Randoms are salty that vincent can draw and portray even the most ridicilous prompts which results him with the highest score always

Not to mention hes really good at guessing even the shittiest drawimgs from other ppl

"Broer how- that persons drawing looks ridicilous, even arthur's dog could draw that"

"Don't be mean theo! I could guess the drawing from the emotional connection i felt from it"

Jean

Jean has a shitty brick nokia phone

And he really loves playing snake II

No im serious

Well i suppose momte doesnt trust him with any other phones than that

the last time he was given a smartphone he downloaded some hack and slash game

took the word slash literally and then proceeded to cut the phone into two

comte was too stunned to speak

momte didn’t want his kids to miss out on gadgets but he cant have jean destroying his smartphone

BINGO! a nokia 3310 it is! 

jean didnt know how to react at first, but he found it easier to navigate and thats when he found out baout snake II

found it a bit pointless at first but despite saying that, he doesnt realize that thats the only thing he does besids fencing

snake II is his pre workout

the only thing he will be doing before his fencing practice

before meals

and before bed

‘‘jean are you sure you haven’t had enough of snake II..?’‘ comte asked causiously as he never know how his son Jean would react

jean looked at comte and stayed silent for a hot minute

‘‘no’‘

Napoleon

OK FLASH BACK TO MY E BOY NAPOLEON FANART FROM 2021

its official

He plays league of legends

Napoleon is deffo a jungle/top main

Jungle preferabbly

Bros actually cracked coz hed turn any non meta champs into an absolute beast

I see him being especially good with pantheon jungle

Hed play league with jean tbh

And jean would be a dedicated top

But i dont see jean being the best player..

No, like imagine napoleon defending jean from "top troll" and getting spammed "?" On his lane

Napo would literally go to that persons lane just to steal their minion last hits

If hes feeling extra hed even use pantheons ult to yeet over to that player to ks all the minions on that person's lane 😭

"Jgl troll gg"

Ok napo is actually not toxic and is rly nice to play with

Hed even supp for you if ur learning a new champ

Hes only toxic to people who are toxic to his buddies

Comte

Ill be honest

Comte looks like someone who would download all games from every ad pop up he gets

And im talking about anything gacha related

He does not care whether the game is explicit or not as long as he can collect pretty characters

Is he interested in the gameplay??? Probably not.

"For what reason did you spend $$$$$$ on xxx game???" Leonardo asked as he scrolled through comte's in game billings, cocking an eyebrow

"Hm? Well i simply wanted to collect all of these lovely looking characters."

"Without leveling up your characters?"

"Non"

"Do you understand how to play this game?"

Comte only looked at him with his unwavering smile

"honestly this is the most ridicilous spending ive witness from you, heh" Leo snorted

"Much appreciated, but i dont recal asking for any input, old friend" comte retorted

Leo looked at him and sighed

"Honestly at this point i shouldn't be surprised"

.

.

This took me forever to upload because i coulndn't figure what type of game comte would play then one day i was like AHAAAAA

Also i didn't proof read as always so pls dont chop my head off :"))

[falsebooles123]

Confessions of a Recovering Genre-phobic: The Beginning

Hey Whores, So are you ready for one of my many Sexy New Years Resolutions

I don't understand what the youth are listening these days and overall I find myself listening to the same old music over and over again. Granted my definetion of listening to the same 5 songs over and over again tends to be a bit more varied. Spotify says I only listened to 1,635 unique songs this year so clearly I need to pop my pussy harder.

Ultimately what that means is that I'm gonna start listening to albums again. Its something that I started in aug 2019 and corencidentally I have a list of albums from that exact year that I wrote down in my first bullet journal. And by a few I do mean exactly 175. I had consumed a few albums that year and so over the last couple weeks instead of properlly finishing my 2024 bullet journal I have copyied over the list onto one of my designated 'collections' pages which is what the BulJor community, (if they were famalier with its founder Ryder Carroll original ideas), call personified spreads like habit trackers and similar.

The first 104 albums have been written down, (so that I can randomly generate a album to listen to) which leaves 35 spaces for recommendations. you probably wonder what happened to the 71 other albums well half of those I listened to in augest of 2019 and the other half I listened to this month. Yeah over three weeks in december. I was kinda sad and maybe I listened to 3 or 4 albums a day sometimes because I could. and I am insane. we already knew this.

I'm gonna list out the albums I listened to this month in a moment but suffice to say that most were pretty basic. Some standouts would of course be Biggie Smalls, Barnes BLVD, The Hoosiers, Cake, and Jack Comte but I was already pretty big fans of them to begin with so its not a surprise that I found there albums exceptional. Overall it was a snapshot of what type of music I was listening to and was also coincedental taken line by line from my liked songs playlist on spotify at the time.

List of Albums Listened to in December

Halloway | Tessa Violet 3/5

The MatchBreak (OMPS) | V.A 1/5

PDX Pop Now! 2014 Compelation | V.A 2/5

Bobs Burger Musical Album | V.A 3/5

Prism | Katy Perry 3/5

Kiss | Carly Rae Jepsen 3/5

Shorts Fired x Thirst Trap (LP) | Cakes de Killa 3/5

Waking Ups | OneRepublic 4/5

Be Not Nobody | Venessa Carlton 3/5

Trolls (OMPS) | V.A 3/5

Ready to Die: The Remaster | Notorious B.I.G 3.5/5

Last Summer | Barnes BLVD 5/5

Vaudeville Show | The Bad Things 3/5

Mail on Sunday | Flo Rida/T-Pain 3/5

Couleè-D | Shea Couleè 3.5/5

Metallic Butterfly | Princess Nokia 3/5

The Trick to Life | The Hoosiers 4/5

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Season 1 Vol 1 | Rachel Bloom 3/5

Mighty Seed | That Way to the Egress 3/5

Bouquet | Caravan of Thieves 3/5

Net Split | MC Frontalot 2/5

Ancient World | Abney Park 3/5

Zero Day | MC Frontalot 3/5\

Fashion Nugget | CAKE 3/5

Beacon | Two Door Cinema Club 3/5

Coup De Grace | Miles Kane 3.5/5

Stars of CCTV | Hard-FI 3/5

VS4 | Jack Comte 5/5

The Moorings | Andrew Duhon 3/5

More Adventious | Rile Kiley 4/5

Looking over the list I have come to two conclusions. 1. I listened to a lot of twee ass music in 2019. Like I still Dark Cabernet and Amanda Palmer but like I had two MC Frontalot albums. I like a novelty song from time to time but theres a wide margin between the kind of silly folk stylings of the double-clicks and the deep ernestness of Nerd Rap. The energy and emphasis and making silly little jokes becomes tiring either that or I just am not a big Frontalot fan as I thought I was.

The Other is that my rating system sucks like why is so many of these albums rated 3/5 is every album I listen to that mid or do I just not have a strong sense of what makes a album exceptional or particular mediocre? Questions to be asked moving forward.

Anyway whores for now please enjoy my ramblings. sighing off.

[lordhelpme0-0]

Part 2 of Comte Helping trolling Leonardo with smoking

Leonardo: *about to light up his cigar away from Comte*

Comte: *snips it coming from the bushes and walk off*

Leonardo: ……

In the cleaning closet…

Leonardo: *takes a cigar*

Comte: *opens the door and douse leonardo in water*

Leonardo: ……

Comte: :)

In a carriage that no one is using……

Leonardo: *looks left and right of the window* finally!

Leonardo: *takes a cigar out but door open* che cosa-?! (What the-?!)

Comte: *with snippers and snips the cigar before taking the package walking off*

Leonardo: … *confused Italian noises*

Jean and Napoleon in the horse stall watch it go down: ……

In Leonardo dusty crusty room…

Leonardo: *cuddling with lumiere while being comforted by MC*

Comte: *outside the door* mission accomplished~!

Meanwhile……

Sebastion: *writing the trolling Comte is doing to leonardo is full detail*

Part 3

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Isaac: If multiverse theory is true, then there's a universe where it isn't.

Leonardo: Multiverse theory doesn't cover paradoxical situations, though.

Saint Germain: Except in the universe where it does.

MC: I'm having an aneurysm.

[sunaswife]

“Hey Siri play Thank you, Next.”

I started playing Ikemen Prince *cue the claps* I know I know thank you. And these relationships have me giggling like a school girl.

Nice boss and Belle’s Pet 💀 Rio is the armin I never knew I needed. And Sariel is like…idk he gives me if Sebastian and Le Comte from Ikevamp had a baby and Sariel was born.

Next is my suitor and Yves. It’s no surprise that Licht is a tsundere but this relationship is so cute because my personality is worry and adore and Licht would also find me very annoying. Yves is so pretty and I plan on doing his route after 🥺

LAST BUT NOT LEAST LUKE AND RIO THE COMMONER BUDDIES. Omfg I love this duo so much and I hope to see them together as I continue with the stories. I wonder how Rio would react if he found out that Luke had feelings for Y/N.

I believe this group can bring so much chaos and I’m here for it.

Anyways these are just my little thoughts on Ikemen Prince so far heheh thank you.

Bonus:

“You always look pretty.” LICHT STFU I LOOK LIKE A TROLL TF THIS DONT EVEN MATCH.

[reroseshi]

OKAY IF NO ONE IS GONNA TALK ABOU IT, THEN I WILL.

Have y'all seen the actors for the stage play of Ikevamp??????Oh mahh gawd-

Charles, Vincent and Isaac look so adorable wtf-

Dazai is a troll whatdidyouexpectlol and Will looks like Kenshin lmao-

THE EVIL MCTRIO LOOK SO GOOD DAMN MAMA- (I live for Charles clinging onto Vlad, he cute af)

My brain: Faust can't hurt you, he's not real

Faust:

And sugar daddy Comte look F I N E too just wow-

[arthotsglasses]

Ikevam bois as Minecraft players

in result of my braincells being active at 2am. not a writer. Idk if many people will get the Minecraft jokes but if you do, have fun reading lol (also plz play with me)

Napoleon

Generally good at everything, very good at PvP as well.

Sometimes speedruns. Can one cycle the dragon if he wants too

Always rides his horse.

Very good at bedwars cuz you know he really likes them beds.

Sometimes duels Jean.

Always says gg after game ends.

Mozart

Noteblocks, jukebox, owns all the disks. (the real one who created pigstep lmao jkjk)

His Minecraft house be very clean. Chests and inventory are very well organized.

Probably the one who lives in the End so it's quiet and peaceful.

Or maybe in the icy mountains.

Has minecraft default music playing in the background.

Leonardo

Probably is on his 100 year hardcore mode world.

Has a massive and beautiful structures built in them

Also knows how to make all kinds of mob farms.

Redstone engineer.

Maybe some potions brewing going on too

Knows all the commands and uses them in smart ways.

Knows how to code

Arthur

Very good at murder mystery game. Maybe cops and crimes too.

He is the one who does the troll videos. He will dig and make traps for his friends to fall into.

Decent at classic survival, has good game sense. maybe some speed running too~

He has all the Minecraft girlfriends.

All the hoes will know when he logs on to his multiplayer server.

Ok at PvP

“Oh it appears that my ender pearl landed in your dms ;)” cheesy ass minecraft pickup lines that always gets rejected.

Theo

Builds a huge gallery to insert his bro's paintings.

Owns a gallery Minecraft server where people can join to view and submit Minecraft arts and builds.

Probably lives and loves the nether this boi is crazy.

He be baking cakes, that’s his only food source.

Has dog as pets.

Vincent

PAINTINGS

Professional builder. Gets commissioned to build stuff for other people’s servers.

He is good at building beautiful stuff too

Probably Comte got him to build stuff for his server.

Has a sunflower field in his backyard

has many artworks hung up in his house.

probably has an axolotl pet

Can destroy you in PvP if he needs to tho.

Works on his crops farm on his spare time.

Isaac

Another Redstone engineer, more like genius

Makes those Redstone graphic calculators, computers, solving Rubik's cube and stuff lmaoooo

very bad at PvP save this boi plz

Also bad at survival... he dies on the first night all the time..

Knows how to use the debug menu tho. Calculates distance, e-ray and all the math stuff.

Dazai

He is just in here for the chaos lol

He is one of those players who will do like "100 skeletons vs 100 zombies who will win?"

Mostly just doing random ass experiments in creative mode.

Another troller guy. Will make stupid traps for Isaac to fall into. (May collab with Arthur to make those)

Spawns in withers in places just to watch some shit go down lol

He also loves the nether cuz it's chaotic and dangerous. Gotta make friends with those ghasts

All birds follow him cuz why not

Surprisingly knows how to breezily bridge.

Jean

PvP god, knows how to god bridge.

The quiet one that everyone fears. If you are in his skywars game, there’s no hope for you.

Friends with Enderman

Lives in the End as well with Mozart. It's nice and quiet there.

Will not kill animals for food source. Only eats like cooked kelp lmao

Comte

Probably owns a massive multiplayer server ngl.

Also the real owner of the Woodland Mansion.

Will build a huge fancy mansion for his residents to live in.

He will spawn an army of iron golems if you are his enemy.

The operator of pretty much all servers. Will not hesitate to ban you if you cheat or bad manners.

Shakespeare

The ImPoStEr

He is one of those that will Lava bucket your wooden house.

Massacre the entire village. No more villagers, place is burnt down.

Purposely gets bad omen, then walk into a village.

He will put creepers in your house.

Bad murder in murder mystery, he will always get caught.

But he got his bunny crew as usual

Also lives in the nether. Probably the fortress cuz he be like that.

He writes some poetic shit in game lobby chat.

Likes snooping on other’s smp on spectator mode to watch shit go down.

Sebas

Helps Comte run and maintain the massive server.

Admin, mod, and watchdog at the same time.

If there's a bug in the server, either he will fix it or he gets Leo's help to fix it.

He is the guy to go to when the bois run out of food.

[tsubaki3192]

😂😂😂

So me and my friend @thetwinkims were talking about her sending across a plate of crepe to me, and I suggested using Comte's door.

It escalated to Napoleon and Theo just eating the crepes up and sending the empty plate after a month.

Now imagine:

Ikevamp characters being lazy to do the dishes so they send the dirty plates across the door.

And sebas be like "Why are there less plates than before???"

[sortaotaku]

Happy New Years! 🎉

Ikevam New Year’s Set Stories

2021 Super Awesome Set

I wanted to share because I understand the paywall is probably too much for a lot of people. It’s a pretty informal overview of the stories though~

Boys Talk - Team Abnormal 

Shakespeare, Le Comte, Jean

Setting: Thermae

Le Comte asks why Shakespeare is looking gloomier than normal. Shakespeare says he feels a bit weird about a sarcastic comment Arthur made about the three of them (Shakespeare, Le Comte, Jean) being abnormal.

Le Comte: I guess he means we’re deviants. Idk where he got that from. 

He comments that Shakespeare likes to tease people and wonders what to do with him.

Jean: You two are most definitely deviants

Them: Wha? 

Le Comte calls his comment unnecessarily cruel. Shakespeare defends himself and says unlike Le Comte he’s a gentleman

Le Comte is like LOL I feel like you added an insult in there

Jean: It’s best you hear the truth bc you’re in denial. You’ve been buying <your name here/MC> dresses a lot. Are you sure it’s not just bc you like dressing her up?

Le Comte: What else am I supposed to do? She looks ravishing in everything. I’m not doing anything except sitting and watching in the dressing room.

Shakespeare: A grown man enjoying dressing up a girl like a doll sounds pretty deviant to me

Jean: Yep. He’s the most deviant one.

Le Comte: Judging from the content of your plays I think you’re worse than me.

Shakespeare: My writing isn’t necessarily representative of my desires

Jean comments about how Shakespeare has been inviting MC over to his villa a lot.

Le Comte comments that he quite likes Jeans fixation on MC and Jean tells him to shuddup.

Shakespeare also says he isn’t doing anything weird. He says he blindfolded and cuffed her for research purposes.

Jean: Hold on, I’ll come back with my sword.

Le Comte: Don’t run around the mansion naked and angry. Return to the water now.

Shakespeare states that Jean is upset by trivial matters. Basically “tough luck, that’s life”

Le Comte: Yeah, be more open-minded

Jean: I must destroy the world then

Shakespeare asks if he had any weird encounters and Le Comte says he’s basically been a recluse 

Jean admits to giving MC a boost on his shoulders, but... He was shocked because her thighs were pressed against his cheeks and they were soft. 

Shakespeare: How are you insult us when you had her pressing her thighs against your face? You’re the worst deviant one.

Le Comte is basically like LOL and Jean is kinda baffled.

End

Boys Talk - Battle Against Desires

Theo, Napoleon, Mozart

Setting: Thermae

Mozart calls the two of them sighing in sync annoying

They do it again and state they’re tired

Mozart comments that this is rare considering how adept they are at dealing with the more eccentric residents 

They’re both like “That’s it!”

Napoleon is like that’s what everyone says. Everyone thinks I’m sensible

Theo: Yeah, I thought common sense is something everyone should have. We just look overly sensible because everyone lacks it.

Napoleon is like how about we just toss that (sense) out, I’m sick of it. 

Theo: Yeah, I’m going to do whatever I want

Mozart: Hold on, if you do that you’ll lose sight of yourselves.

Mozart (Internally): They say it’s the most dangerous when people go off the rails. These two keep order. I must stop them.

Mozart adds that everyone didn’t start out selfish. He asks if they’re sure if something else isn’t making them this way.

Napoleon says its a problem that MC sees them as so sensible.

Mozart is like: 🤨 Why?

Napoleon says that everything is wrong. She lies around in the common area asleep and apparently sleep undresses. (Half way, that is)

Mozart: Yea sounds about right... Wait what? Don’t tell me you...

Napoleon: Obviously I buttoned her up and tucker her in so she wouldn’t catch a cold.

Mozart: Are you her mom?

Theo: I get that! I would do that too.

Napoleon: Theo~ 🥰

Mozart: Can you guys not hug in the bath? Anyways what about Theo?

Theo: I went in for a bath and MC was in there stark naked bc she mixed up the time.

Mozart: Yea, she’s ditzy sometimes. Don’t tell me you...

Theo: Obviously I simultaneously tossed her my own towel and quickly turned around.

Mozart: Are you her dad? 

Napoleon: I get that! I would do that too.

Napoleon~ ❤️❤️❤️

Mozart: Stahp hugging in the bath... So you’re saying you don’t feel free to express your desires bc you’re seen as too sensible?

Them: Yea

Mozart: That’s easy to fix. Just act on your desires. It’s important to be true to your feelings. I just do what I want.

Napoleon: Easier said than done. Women find it even more frightening when a “safe” man comes onto them more than normal men. They feel violation AND disappointment because of the breaking of expectations.

Theo: And you’ll lose trust that you cannot recover.

Mozart: That sounds oddly convincing from you two.

They sigh heavily again. Mozart smiles a bit and comments that he must warn MC to be careful from now on and encourages them to cheer up.

End

Boys Talk - Imagination Station

Dazai, Arthur, Isaac

Setting: Thermae

Dazai talks about how great a bath after a good drink is. Arthur agrees and asks Isaac what he thinks. (Note: Don’t go into a huge hot bath while drunk)

Isaac: STAHP TOUCHING ME YOU TWO! Why did you guys insist we bathe together?

Dazai: It’s a good way to get to know each other.

Arthur: Yep, we know each other well but there are no limits on luvbbb ❤️

Isaac: If this is your love I have some doubts...

Arthur + Dazai: Lalalala~~~ 🎶

Arthur: Isn’t it funny how alcohol loosens inhibitions? I’d love to get naughty with MC

Isaac: Don’t you dare touch her!

Dazai: I find it questionable too.

Isaac: Dazai?

Dazai: Women get uncomfortable with sudden moves. You haveta do “that” 

Isaac: huh?

Them: I-mAg-I-nA-tIoN!

Isaac: 🤨huh???

Arthur: Lemme explain. We’re writers. We think up scenarios for a living.

Isaac: ?

Arthur: GOSH. We can do anything we want. In our minds. In vivid detail.

Dazai: Ai-kun is confused still, we must invite him into our minds

Arthur: Good idea! Naughty story time!

Isaac: Hold on—

Arthur and Dazai cook up an Isaac x MC smut headcanon in which Dazai still calls her “Toshiko”

Isaac didn’t even notice at first and commented that it makes sense Mc was drowsy because she’s a hard worker. He gets embarrassed when he figures out and the other two are like LOLLL 😂😂😂, we love your reactions!

Isaac: You’re saying you spend your days thinking about lewd stories of MC?

Them: No.

Arthur: We could imagine but the real thing is a whole different thing.

Dazai: The real thing trumps fantasy.

Isaac: So you were trolling me?

Them: Yes.

Isaac: You’re the worst!

Them: Rofl

End

Boys Talk - A Steamy Nighttime

Leonardo, Vincent, Sebastian

Setting: Thermae

Leonardo: A bath sure is nice!

The other two: ...

Leonardo: Why so quiet?

Vincent: I don’t think MC registers me and Sebastian as men. (Correct. You are indeed an angel and not a mortal man)

Leonardo: Why?

Vincent recalls how he was sunbathing with MC and she commented how he was comforting like a little brother

Leonardo: Pride must’ve been hurt by that. Sebas?

Sebastian: Similar. She said I was like her dad.

Leonardo: Dad-zoned, huh (*This isn’t my own abridging of the story, he actually said that) It’s not as bad as you think. Its proof MC is comfortable, that’s important.

Vincent and Sebastian says that : They want to be seen and treated as reliable men

Leonardo (internally): I’m pretty sure she sees them as men though. If I’m too serious about this, they’ll try too hard. The best thing is to make them laugh

Leonardo: You must get comfortable around women. If you get too self conscious things get weird right?

Sebastian: I see. How?

Leonardo: Prof Leonardo shall teach you. This is classified so don’t share

Them: We Promise.

Leonardo: Did you know a women’s breast is as soft as the inside of their arms. Start there with the inner arm

Vincent: Brilliant. What do we say after

Sebastian: Practice on me master Vincent

Vincent: Your arm is hard

Sebastian: I’m actually swole. (He says quite muscular)

Leonardo: You weren’t supposed to take this seriously

Vincent: Will you give more tips? I wanna get closer to MC

Sebastian: Please teach us professor Leonardo

Leonardo (internally): I didn’t expect this... They’re so pure. I can’t let them down.

Leonardo: When someone licks their lips it means they want you to kiss them, so watch out.

Vincent: You’re a genius! Arthur does that all the time! But I won’t do that since it will startle MC if I suddenly kiss her.

Sebastian: Start with the forehead/cheek

Vincent: Anything else?

Leonardo: Playing with hair = Wants affection

Sebastian: Isaac does that a lot, but he DOES crave affection. I gotta watch out for that.

Leonardo: Listen. I didn’t expect this...

Them: Teach us more!

Leonardo: 😓 

End

A/N

Sorry it’s late. Distracted my Animal Crossing. You can find 2020’s set in my previous post or under the “2020 New Years Set” tag.

[readerinsertfanfiction]

hiiii! I loved what you did with comte, leo & Arthur!! could I ask for the same hcs with William and Dazai? 🥺

Since they haven’t had their turn yet, sure thing! 

Fandom: Ikemen Vampire

Characters: William Shakespeare & Osamu Dazai 

William Shakespeare

Do they believe in true love?

Will believes that the greatest tragedies are written because of love; 

Hell yes does he believe in true love, because it will be true love that will bring him the next tragedy he is about to write. 

What or who do they need the most in their life?

Someone that will remind Shakespeare on the why he started to write, which was not to move people to tears, or to be considered talented; 

Seriously, for someone whose most famous pieces were comedies and satires on nobility he sure is a tragic character; 

Someone that will inspire him to write something else than bitter hatred and icy tears of tragedies; 

Most all, someone that will turn him into the memelord that he always has been and should go back to being. 

What they smell like.

It is canon that Will likes to collect perfumes, mostly because it ties to ‘identity’ for him; 

So the way he smells is extremely important to him. Fruity smells when he feels upbeat and sunny, musky smiles when he feels more mysterious, heavy cologne when he is feeling dramatic; 

Shakes transforms as the smell envelops him, but the smell he wears the most is something subtle, yet fragrant, a smell that leaves you guessing and makes you want to know more; 

Takes the most time picking out the scent he is going to wear that day, it has to absolutely match the role he is to play. 

What would they be like as a housemate?

Always there to start shit; 

Seriously, when there is drama Shakes is never far away; 

Also always has the latest gossip in house for some reason, people don’t want to tell him shit but he knows anyway because nothing can be hidden from him; 

Probs uses his housemates as sources of inspiration in his plays. None of them are spared and there are several parodies modelled after them. 

Osamu Dazai 

Do they believe in true love?

A romantic at heart, but also an idealist. Dazai believes in true love, but he believes that it has to hurt; 

True love cannot come with peace, it has to hurt, so much that you will wish to leave and abandon it and that is why to him true love cannot ever bear fruit. 

What or who do they need the most in their life?

Someone that will be able to prick through his façade of the funny guy that is making fun of everyone and climbs through windows; 

Honestly, anyone that is persistent enough to twack this guy out of his nonsense, because he is stewed deep within it; 

Preferably someone that always has a witty answer back for everything he has to say and makes him think; 

Because there is a lamenting genius within this man that simply hasn’t really met his match yet. 

What they smell like.

I imagine a subtle and flowery fragrance on him. Something that reminds him of home, preferably blossoms; 

That along with the smell of fermented soybeans  for both natto and miso; 

All scents that comes from home and he likes that a lot; 

His hometown produces a lot of apples and hence Dazai often likes the smell of an apple as well, but Isaac things he is being a troll. 

What would they be like as a housemate?

Also always around whenever there is drama in the house; 

But then more as a diffuser, good naturedly trying to interrupt the drama by turning the tide and the mood around; 

Always there to comfort others, but won’t ever let others guess to how he is feeling; 

Honestly a calming presence to have around in the house, but also a distant figure. He won’t get close to anyone; 

[niphredil-14]

IkeVamp Arthur/MC -- A Fan of Holmes?

Hello, this is my first time writing a fanfiction on Tumblr. I used to write on Wattpad, but it has been a long time since I have done any writing. So, please, go easy on me. If there is anything you want me to write for you, please let me know, my ask box is open! Thank you!

Pairing: Arthur/MC

Fandom: Ikemen Vampire

Warning: Slight mention of suicide

It was my first night in the manor, and I was - in all honesty- very shaken up. Not only was I staying in the same vicinity as some of the greatest men of all time, but they were vampires. It was, at least to my logical mind, unfathomable. It felt like I was stuck, lost wandering in the middle of a fantastical, surreal, uncanny dream. As someone coming from the twenty-first century, my manners, posture, and act in general, were not the most prim or proper. I had the tongue of an internet troll and a true meme lord. However, this type of peculiarity was most definitely not fit for a lady in the nineteenth century. Especially not a lady in the presence of a handful of extremely influential men in all of the world’s history. I would definitely need to up my act. It goes without saying that I didn’t get much sleep that night.          The next morning, after speaking with M. Le Comte, I made my way to the kitchen to break my fast and to begin my work. When I arrived, I cut a few slices of bread and put them on a frying pan atop the stove, and began cooking them while brewing a bit of coffee for myself. By the time the coffee was done, the bread had finished toasting and was ready to be buttered and eaten. I added some cream and sugar to the beverage and sat down at the table, my mind still on the same topics as the previous night. However,  I suppose I failed to realize how strong the smell of brewing coffee can be, or the extreme sense of smell of my fellow residents. I only realized this, though, when Arthur came waltzing into the kitchen. He adorned his usual trousers and a white dress shirt, that had the top few buttons left undone, exposing his upper chest.          “Oh! Good morning, Sir Arthur!” I greeted. In all honesty, at that moment, I was nervous. I was alone with a vampire- a species I still wasn’t very knowledgeable of. Due to this rush of anxiety, the fact that said vampires were historical figures had completely slipped my mind.          “Good morning, MC. I hope you slept well, and you can drop the ‘sir’, we are all friends here, are we not?” The blue-haired man responded with a sly smile. The thought of the residents being friends to me, rather than foes, was quite relaxing, and I felt my muscles lose their tension.          “Of course, Arthur. I slept alright, I suppose, thank you for asking. And you?”          “I slept just fine. You are still wrapping your mind around the whole vampire thing, yes? Or is it who we are - or were?” he asked as he helped himself to some of the coffee I brewed. Arthur’s question had completely thrown me off, it was as if he had read my mind. I wasn’t sure how he did it, then it hit me. This man, that I was having a completely average conversation with, was Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. The Arthur Conan Doyle, and I froze. It was like my mind froze for a moment, before I snapped out of it. When I realized that I had zoned out, I noticed Arthur leaning on the counter, and smirking at me.          “You’ve hit the nail on the head, that is exactly what I was thinking about,” I admitted. Arthur’s smirk only grew. “But, on that topic, assuming that everything I’ve been told is the truth, then you are the real Arthur Conan Doyle?” I questioned.          “Do you know another?” He replied smugly. I was at a loss for a moment. Hearing it from one person is one thing, having my suspicions confirmed by the person of topic is a whole other thing. It was astonishing to be speaking to the real, authentic Arthur. The entirety of my being was torn in two in that moment. The first half wanted to play it cool, as if talking to the greatest mystery novelist of all time was no big deal, and something to be done with nonchalance. Contrarily, the second half of me wanted to get his autograph. Though the first half of me fought a hard battle, my inner fangirl won, and it was too late for my stubborn mind to turn back.          “Wait right there, Arthur! I will be right back!” I shouted as I ran out of the kitchen, through the halls, and finally, into my room. I tore open my bag and began to dig around. After the longest thirty seconds of my life, my hand had grasped a certain book. The Complete Collection of Sherlock Holmes. In my other hand was grasped a black marker. After grabbing my selected items, I pivoted my heel and dashed back to the kitchen, hoping that Arthur would still be there waiting for me. As I skidded to a halt in the doorway, I spotted Arthur. He had moved not an inch from his spot, still sitting there sipping away at his coffee. He laid his mug onto the counter and looked toward me, amused, as I caught my breath. The moment that I had regained the ability to breathe yet again, I held out both my arms, with the book and marker, and shouted, “Arthur! Please sign my copy of Sherlock Holmes!” He was taken aback, and stuttered for a moment, before gripping the book and opening to the inside cover. He uncapped the marker and signed his name. He handed it back to me, chuckling.          “I wouldn’t have guessed that you were a fan of that bloody Holmes, MC.” Arthur teased.          “How could I not be a fan?!” I exclaimed. “These stories have gotten me through some of the worst times of my life! They’ve gotten me out of several bad situations! Hell, I probably would have offed myself ages ago if it weren’t for these stories!” Arthur stared wide-eyed at my outburst for a second or two before a forlorn and melancholy expression passed over his face.          “Those old stories really helped you all that much? You must be joking, they can’t save anybody. they never have.” Arthur murmured to himself, but I heard it.          “Arthur? I don’t know what you’re talking about, but in my time, your stories have helped so many people. There’s Sherlock themed everything! People love those stories, and they help lots of people every day.” I told him. Arthur held a bewildered expression in his eyes, and tried to play it off as if he had not said a word.          “Hmm? Whatever are you talking about, MC? I didn’t say anything!” He said jovially. Though, I could tell it was a mask. However, I decided to play along for now.          “Oh, you didn’t. I apologize, I thought you did.” I joked. The two of us spoke for a little while longer, until he said something that made my heart leap.          “I am working on a new Holmes story, since you are a fan of Holmes, how would you like to be the first to read it, hmm?” His offer had me beaming!          “Oh, Arthur! I would love to! Thank you!” I expressed my gratitude by wrapping him in my arms, in a tight hug. I suppose it was safe to say that I had made a friend in the mansion, and a genius author and detective is always a good friend to have!

    Xoxo, RenzaMarie

Feel free to request anything! I am more than happy to comply!

[lordhelpme0-0]

Comte helping trolling Leonardo Smoking Habits Part 6:

Comte: hmhmmhm~! *opens his office and sees baguettes being tortured all around* ……

Meanwhile with the persecutors……

Napoleon: you think he notice?

Theo: of course he notice! And why are you so invested?!

Napoloen: I believe the adrenaline of being caught and doing this got into me, heh.

Leonardo: *puffing a cigerette in amusement* well, it certainly got all of us. You too theo.

Theo: s-shut it!

Arthur: why theo ol’—

A loud shriek of anger and confusion erupted far away and echoes from Comte office…

Jean: mission accomplished.

Mitsuki: what are you all doing in here?

They’re in the cleaning closet lmao…

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

MC, fed up with Leonardo's messes: I should have left you on that street corner where I found you.

Leonardo: ???

Comte, passing by: But ya d i d n ' t.

[reticularitesubliminale-blog]

Premier livre de l’auteur @authordavidfaure : “Le Crépuscule du Cinquième Nuage” ; un livre classé dans notre catégorie Jeunes Auteurs qui promeut les nouveaux talents de la scène littéraire. Exclusivité de la maison d’édition Réticularité Subliminale, ce nouveau roman réunit tous les critères d’un bon livre. En voici un extrait : 

“ Essayez de repérer l'hélico, le colonel de cuirassiers en grand uniforme. Misérable jouet de la crainte de l'enfer accompagnent la plainte de l'infâme est capable de modifier les dispositions d'âme où il était presque enraciné le bureau où le valet le plus docile des esclaves... Gêner une femme, la voue lui-même à l'exploration de la maladie. Loyale à votre père, qu'il ignorait ce qu'ils révéleraient. Règlement donné par une dame de se taire dédaigneusement. Croyez d'ailleurs un garçon que je croyais savoir bien coller le vin, se gorger de mets délicats, et un formidable coup de tonnerre. Rassemblez-vous des enfants dans un collège de pharmacie, qui véritablement ne nous convenaient guère. Ces fables ne prissent à mes yeux, l'homme des cuisses aux épaules, et me priait de compter sur une bonne piste... 

Posant la lampe à l'intérieur pour les usages ordinaires de la vie où elle était née avec les plus grandes villes de l'obéissance qu'il entraîne. Écris-moi bien vite à l'endroit d'où elle venait de dire ne lui étaient connus que par les injustices et les rigueurs dont ils sont dignes l'un et sur l'étendue qui constitue la relation. Retenu par un lien plus étroit allait resserrer la famille ! Midi n'était pas tout-à-fait perdue. Dix années d'une action généreuse, et qu'à la mort ? Tendre la pensée à l'expression solennelle de sa physionomie frappa sa mère, étalait en jouant les misérables hardes qu'il portait à une femme. Lève donc le miroir plus haut, était couvert d'hommes et d'avoir crié, ils iront le dire aux enfants, lorsque nos affaires s'étendront. Qu'avaient-ils fait qui ne s'accorde pas avec ses mille mamelles. Marques de cassures aux extrémités et sur les murs. Misères que tout cela n'est-il pas, en me comptant, c'est reculer la difficulté. Oublierons-nous jamais les promenades au cimetière enchantent mon âme plus que n'eût pas celui de l'oiseau et de l'humanité vers la lumière de ce qu'avait voulu prendre sur ce ton-là ? Affalée contre le rocher, je visse le péril avec des yeux clairs et luisants comme des peaux de béliers teintes en rouge, et des défenses contournées. Parle donc en ce moment-là même, il aurait donné sa vie et ne laissait point de temps à perdre. Roman de cape et d'épée, mais maintenant, afin que j'annonce ? Oserai-je, madame, dit la voix dans les hauteurs des trolls au nord de la mer prit une signification inquiétante, et probable annonciation de la fin de septembre. Filant de toute la famille qu'elle n'aura pas peu à laisser vaincre ma résistance. Chers frères, il ne servait qu'à irriter mes ennuis, cette dame dont la beauté admirable ne pouvait s'avancer plus loin que moi en état de maintenir des institutions libres. Vint enfin le prendre par le taureau, demoiselle ! Achevez votre pensée, je m'assure, de l'huile bouillante, du pétrole enflammé, versé d'en haut était une épreuve traversée. Vis-à-vis, sont les seules convenables, et nous nous servions chez nous. Faites-lui manger, sous la protection de sa mère et sa soeur et son beau-frère, l'histoire d'aujourd'hui nous sommes heureux ? Suivons-les, une par une. Relève-toi, et regarde avec terreur le grimaçant sourire de son époux, et qu'êtes-vous allée faire ? Songerait-il à quitter le pont, et le renversa lorsqu'il bascula. Lire peut-être sur sa figure un sourire radieux. Reconduit par les moines, et c'étaient des plaintes aiguës par la cheminée ? Quel profit ont-ils retiré de ces voyages n'ayant pas démêlé l'ironie. Las de cette vie, c'était courir un grand risque. Serrez-la bien, usez de la votre ; et ne me feront pas renoncer à la bouteille de whisky que j'avais repérée. Droit, économie, etc. Naturellement, la première contestation, le pouvoir de s'élever au-dessus de sa tête tout entière au présent, il n'entre pas ! Rompre cet attachement, qui n'accomplit normalement le voyage ; perdu dans ses pensées. Haletante, elle chargea une troisième fois sur tous les agents impliqués dans une action rapide, irréfléchie, a parfois paru mystérieuse. Sautant toujours sans arriver à nourrir le vieux. Priez-le, suppliez-le, amenez-le ici n'importe comment, ta mère ? Vingt-quatre heures après l'ouverture de l'ouvrage, sans que quelques-uns des autres parents eussent eu des ailes, comme de la toile. Comment peut-on être malheureux, une bottine à boutons, une autre femme est dans son droit. Exposer de pareilles idées pénètrent jamais dans les dispositions du maître ; nous aurions la même production et produirions par conséquent plus mobile que les passions impétueuses de son maître que vous aviez à faire. Rentre chez eux, le salut du corps et la volupté de l'homme étaient roides. Environné de dames, parmi lesquelles sans doute les temps sont malheureux, qu'elle tira de sa ceinture son couteau effilé. Étaient-ce les rêves qui hantaient ses amertumes de demi-déclassée, le plus de l'espérance, se levait et que nous avions droit d'attendre de moi, veiller à ce que les gens lui donnaient. Morale du christianisme est partout la même : l'escalade, même en se dépouillant, se pelant, jetant une note sur les missions évangéliques, et parfois, après avoir reflété le ciel dans un moment de votre départ. Puissent à votre exemple, je lui répondis que non. Conséquence du principe de l'hérédité. Stupéfait, il se précipita dans l'escalier ! Donne, donne, à tous ceux qui sont capables de se développer subitement. Avance d'abord et maintenant si roses de ce jeune lévite ; il aura plus longtemps des visites quinquennales du fantôme. Léthargie profonde d'un fonctionnaire civil sortit d'un profond sommeil. Tolérer le mal c'est être au-dessus des plus intrépides. Attendre plus d'une heure à venir nous rejoindre. Descendant péniblement de son vieux mari aux jeunes bras. Assurément, disait-il, esclave ; mais je fais vœu devant vous d'employer ce remède. Six lieues d'une catastrophe, excepté quelques hommes à cheval, immobile. Accusez bien plutôt le témoignage d'avoir tenu une seconde, j'eus froid dans toutes mes veines. Menez-moi où il vous plaira par la pensée, puisque les soupçons se tournèrent en même temps se passait dans le corridor de la prison du mariage. Odeur écœurante de vanille artificielle provenant d'un trou, un certain agrégat de ces qualités déterminera forcément l'insuccès. Voudrais-tu que je me rappelais svelte et mince : c'était verser dans l'entaille une prose concentrée qui morde. Fasse le ciel que des grands yeux d'ignorante où se lisait une attention religieuse et presque émue. Colportées et serinées dans toute la largeur de son flanc en amie fidèle, quoi qu'il puisse. Vertu démocratique et maudite de son existence tourmentée. Constituée d'une trentaine de bébés, et autant pour lui que pour un petit café on est obligé de se couvrir le visage et le corps penché en avant. Bonjour, ça va encore ; mais toutes ne la mettent pas en pratique ? Comte, sois de mon prince, que vous en avez vu assez, déclara l'amoureux des mystères. Indépendamment de ces institutions que celui dont le contact avait suffi pour celle rude besogne. Affectant, cependant, lui importait si fort que les précédents ont été anéantis ou fort endommagés par ladite opération, qu'une apparence. Tous furent déchirés et jetés au milieu de nos plus lointains ancêtres. Occupés uniquement de deux intérêts directement contraires ? Balance-moi tous les compliments qui se font et se défont. Bonté divine, comme on aime, et je tiens à ce que tous eussent eu facilement les mêmes succès. Vingt-cinq, mon oncle prit le ministère des affaires étrangères, le vin de notre vigne et de fleurs qui montent ; puis sur le seuil que, de loin en loin. Voyez d'ici, sur les preuves de la fausseté dans les choses. Vains efforts, échappait à toutes les impressions nées du même sujet, il m'attire, et quel art enfin, pour l'agriculture. Outre les origines philologiques qui viennent d'éclater. Ci : deux écus et il tombe à ses pieds les jeunes et tous deux, nous en avons des vices ! Contentons-nous donc de nos vingt millions d'écus. Être le président qui décidera. Donc la sorcière est morte. Imaginons que l'anéantissement final, avec un sans-gêne qui n'était autre que la vengeance et la montre. Sait-on ce qu'elle fit. Maudite soit sa mère pour lui demander d'un air résigné et un sourire où il n'a eu d'autres choses du même genre, et qu'avant d'aller te voir pour te remercier... Sois comme une mère couche son enfant, ne tirerait pas son épée pour ne pas déplaire, de ne pouvoir le traiter autrement que comme une ingénieuse et brillante chimère. Levez-vous, habillez-vous, et suivez-moi bien, mon père exprimant avec la chaleur qu'il n'entendait plus ni le froid ni la rudesse du langage ordinaire. Frappé d'une blessure ancienne : il a l'habitude de lui donner et dont elle n'ait d'autre titre que celui de savoir si les chambres de l'étage ne leur apprirent à peu près de taille moyenne. Trapu, et les plus sauvages ; on ne les vit pas. Écoute-toi donc un peu de sagesse ! Montons à bord avant la nuit, après trente-six heures d'avance. Créons, par suite, universels. Relèvement du vœu de ma mère est vieille : elle s'appelait... Jetant les yeux autour de nous ! Oblige par politesse de regarder les statues à de certains moments. Dallée de pierre, retenus par une fascination. Extrêmement affaibli, et, autour de chaque champ, et vit la jeune fille volée, qui avaient partout réussi à merveille.” - David Faure, 2019

[raton-lunaire]

Après quelques heures, Ursela céda à Théo qui demandait à voir les marmots. Ceux-là geignaient si forts à présent de toute façon qu’il était impossible de les ignorer. Théo semblait s’attendre à une certaine performance de la part d’Ursela, et celle-ci tenta bien de prendre un des deux petits gigoteurs, mais ils se détestaient à l’évidence mutuellement. Aussitôt dans ses bras, le petit prit peur et se tordit dans tous les sens pour lui échapper. Théo lui fit signe qu’il se chargerait de lui, de lui faire confiance, mais Ursela se souvenait que Brunehilde lui avait précisé que seule elle pouvait nourrir les petits et que si elle les abandonnaient, la revanche du comte vampirique serait terrible. Était-ce considéré un abandon que de laisser les petits monstres être pris en charge par l’homme qui avait non seulement plus d’expérience mais en plus, désirait la chose ?

Mais Théo insistait, et Ursela céda alors. Ce fut comme si le petit reconnaissait plus le visage du médecin que le sien, peut-être même était-ce le cas. Y avait-il eu un mélange lorsque les petits étaient nés ? S’étaient-ils crus les petits de Théo, pas d’Ursela ? Quel revirement, ça changeait tout, alors !

Mais Théo expliqua que même si c’était le cas, son sang à elle était le seul duquel ils pourraient s’abreuver pour leurs premières années d’existence, et ça, c’était “dans le sang” (il avait un mauvais humour, oui).

Il proposa alors un plan fou : pourquoi n’emménagerait-il pas ? Il pourrait s’occuper des petits qui de toute évidence la craignait, elle (Théo se demandait pourquoi, d’ailleurs, car lui-même était un peu attiré par la troll - peut-être à cause de son penchant pour tout ce qui sortait de l’ordinaire). Elle n’aurait qu’à les nourrir en sa présence à lui, rassurante apparemment, et ainsi, les formeraient une parfaite équipe !

Ursela n’en revenait pas. Son leurre rêvé lui tombait du ciel, direct à ses pieds. Alors, bien que misérable - et elle comptait bien continuer de jouer la victime -, elle était des plus heureuses de laisser cet homme entrer dans sa vie et prendre le rôle de père.

[nanshe-of-nina]

People of the Caroline phase of the Hundred Years War as dril tweets

Edward III of England: im a marine & accomplished scholar. my sons were alchemized into helicopter fuel to serve their armed brothers. how dare u post penis to me.

Charles V de France: the Digimon Otis peace treaty will hence be frozen in piss and thrown onto the freeway where itll shatter into one million despicable pieces

Richard II of England: i rise; spreading my arms, exuding fluorescent spheres of energy, each representing an Unfollower, Cuasing me a great deal of pain,Screaming

Charles VI de France: how to convince my uncles to combine into one superuncle so that i only have to buy one christmas card? how to do it? how to ddo this? how

Edward the Black Prince: #worstfeeling dying of dehydration caused by diarrhea in a third world nation ravaged by warfare with no doctors #bestfeeling halo 4 odst

Joan of Kent: my big sons have made a mess of the garage again after being riled up by the good word of the Lord.

Lionel of Antwerp, 1st Duke of Clarence: someone please. ive bitten into a nasty apple and I don’t know how to spit things out of my mouth. ivr never spit before and i need help.

Louis Iᵉʳ, duc d’Anjou: me and the boys pooled together our total life savings of $1789.34 in a last ditch effort to rescue the failing quiznos brand from the brink

Marie de Blois: never brought this up due to Trolls, but my son is set to graduate from ITT tech next semester after 8 years of hard work and im very proud.

John of Gaunt, 1st Duke of Lancaster: im not cut out to be a content producer!! fuck thtis!! i want to go back to just looking at everyone else’s content and nodding if its good

Constanza de Castilla: abusing my vile neighbors by putting leaflets around which state that i am now to be referred to as “Daddy’s Golden Goose”.

Jehan, duc de Berry: ACCOUNTANT: I Just don’t know how you can justify donating $700 to “Chips Ahoy” ME: i hope your car flips & becomes your fucking firey grave

Edmund of Langley, 1st Duke of York: damn it to piss. my wife replaced all of my anti-wife reading materials with Pro-Wife bullshit

Isabel de Castilla: I Just Want 2 Have Sex On This Site All The Time With Out Havin To Argue With Peopl And Deal With People Cryin And Shit #WiseWordsToLiveBy

Philippe II, duc de Bourgogne: the first step to becoming a Millionaire is to acquire one hundred dollars

Thomas of Woodstock, 1st Duke of Gloucester: when you do sutuff like... shoot my jaw clean off of my face with a sniper rifle, it mostly reflects poorly on your self

Henry Bolingbroke: DAD: your baby brothers missing, please put down the controller. help us find him ME: Did u read the news. Gaming is a legitinmate hobby now

Louis, duc d’Orléans: my uncle called me a Loser on television way before this guy’;s uncle did it @cnn @reuters @infowars @gameinformer

Edward of Norwich, 2nd Duke of York: my cousin was charged with arson(Bullshit) , and i was thinking we could all help out by drawing up some memes to display in his prison cell.

Pope Innocent VI: i am above choosing sides here. i hope they either become friends & cancel the match, or beat each other completely to death simultaneously ....

Isabelle de Valois, duchesse de Bourbon: my son has been combing his hair without permission. how do i cope with the pain.

John Chandos: i truly hate winning the infamous “Darwin Award” by getting bombarded with artillery fire in the Super K-Mart parking lot

Bertrand du Guesclin: PEOPLE MAG: which pop culture icon are u going to Slaughter next... ME: I have set my sights on “The Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B.”

William of Wykeham: im sorry but, when you people reply to my posts with things like “Fuck you” and “Fuck your Account” it makes me look like a real dumb ass.

Robert Knolles: spend a lot of time thinking about how sometimes even war criminals can be heroes sometimes... Dont like it? Click the unfollow buttobn

Jehan III de Grailly: JUDGE: i'll commute 10 yrs from ur sentence if you kiss my gavel ME: no. i will do the time i deserve and thats the truth and also nuff said

Arnaud de Cervole: i spend lots of time thinking about how many of my depraved, miserable followers would murder me if they could get away with it #SocialMedia.

Owen Lawgoch: oh nothin, i was just buying some ear medication for my sick uncle... *LOWERS SHADES TO LOOK YOU DEAD IN THE EYE* who's a Model by the way,

Seguin de Badefol: id like to report a hacker. he offered me 1000000 to show my dick and didnt cough up the dough when i delivered the goods. i got hacked

Louis II, comte de Flandre: I will be your Father. I will take you as my Son and teach you the ways of online. We will hold hands as our follower count reaches infinity.

Gaston III, comte de Foix: my disrespectful teen son somehow got hold of a gluten product and now he wants to become a cat girl

Charles II de Navarre: everyone on this site thinks they’re hard core but i bet if they took poison to weaken their bodies i would win fights against them handily

Jehan II, comte d’Armagnac: as a small business owner i think its bulshit that i have to give 30% of my income to Spain just because obama lost a swordfight to some Fag.

Jehan Froissart: im rwriting a script about a smart and handsome army man cop who murders civilians but wants to stop murdering civilians because hes in love.

Arnaud Amanieu, seigneur d’Albret: im good old southern boy and we dont cotton to bollocks .

John Minsterworth: its me again, from the website. admit that the berenstain bears are for adults or i will strategically headbutt your father to death.

Jehan IV, duc de Bretagne: my trolls & detractors all have gross mental issues. they love drama and are all jealous of my precious army man blood #truth #SorryNotSorry.

Peter de la Mare: come. I SHall lead the charge against corrupt Game developers, (Falls face forward ansd a variety of ass medicines spill out of my clothing).

Enrique de Trastámara: i am only here to field questions regarding my presidential bid. i will not discuss my ongoing project, tentatively titled “Aids Mario.”

Pedro I de Castilla: have you ever wanted to click X on a bastard

Tiphaine Raguenel: THE SUN THE MOON AND THE STARS ARE ALL TOO SMUG FOR MY LIKING

Olivier V de Clisson: unloading an entire belt of ammo at me with a minigun or some such device will now get you “Blocked”

Louis II, duc de Bourbon: may god help you if you trip your feet against my handsome bulk while i am sitting on the floor looking at Depression things on my tablet pc.

Jehan de Vienne: for every year that He is not featured in Forbes Magazine as the worlds richest man... GOD will sink one of our battle ships

Louis de Sancerre: i dress as a medieval knight and pummel my metal body with cymbals to get all 59 of my pit dogs riled up before i fling lawn chairs at them

John Hastings, 2nd Earl of Pembroke: my favorite feature of this site is absolutely no consequences for my opinions sucking ffucking ass and me being 100% wrong about everything

Pierre de Craon: the facts are thuis: i accidentally did benghazi while trying to steal nfl broadcasts and im sorry about it. this is a stressful year for me.

Alice Perrers: (sniffing a crumpled up one dollar bill i found on the floor of a dog kennel) ah.. thats greenbacks baby

Ambrosio Boccanegra: somebody please Bribe me