#tricki’s fictional crushes

[trickibe]

*on TikTok, sees a certain ship*

‘Oooh- looks amusing 👀 smug prep and skater boi I see’

…

‘I like how expressive he was in the movie, and the horns scene was a nice garish- and-‘

…

OH FOR FUCK SAKE—

[babsaros]

How did you know you were gay?

ah, couple reasons i guess. some that only became obvious with like 15 years of hindsight, and only after pulling myself out of the deep dark pit of compulsory heterosexuality.

like. classic symptoms of lesbianism include shamefully staring at the floor when you pass the women's underwear racks in the department store, even though you're not quite sure why you're uncomfortable. that sort of thing.

i have memories from early elementary school of accidentally glimpsing down a girl's shirt at recess and then bottling up that feeling and refusing to think about it. any time i had a crush on a boy, it was from an extremely idealized and safely non-actionable distance. the one time i did have a boyfriend, it was just my guy best friend from middle school, we dated for barely a school year before i ended it and the most physical intimacy i was ever comfortable with was holding his hand when we walked to class. i went to a different school's prom because a guy i was kind-of friends with asked me, and spent the whole night uncomfortably avoiding eye contact.

basically i started questioning my sexuality towards the end of high school, when i noticed myself getting like. jealous about my guy best friend's girlfriends?? like. i wanted to date them. i wanted to steal them from him lmao. i thought girls were pretty and soft and nice and cute and i was too afraid of being a predatory creep to do anything about it besides have far-fetched daydreams, but there was no heterosexual explanation. like, i hugged a girl i thought was pretty one time and it did things to my brain. that memory got locked in for life.

i identified as ace/pan early on, but again- compulsory heterosexuality. the idea of being with a guy romantically or sexually was never actually appealing. i had just been told that was what i was supposed to want my entire life, and the movies do a great job of selling that fantasy. but really i was just a lonely depressed helpless romantic teenager that wanted to be loved lol.

a large part of why i identified as asexual was because i was so sex-repulsed by the idea of penetration, honestly? (which i have since gotten over, but specifically Only with girls. the idea of having sex with a man still icks me out, and my preference is definitely femme-presenting ppl) a bit of it was probably also because i hadn't unpacked gender yet either. it made it very difficult to actually imagine myself having sex with anyone ever lol. this is gonna sound so cringe to say, but reading gay smut did awaken things in me.

in conclusion, tldr, i just like to think about tits and kissing women sometimes, idk. thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

[boba-beom]

ೃ⁀➷ airport crush | choi beomgyu NSFW

pairing: beomgyu x f!reader ( x childhood crush yeonjun at the end)

genre: fluff, smut | non-idol au

warning(s): lower case intended, edited, mature language, swearing, fingering (f!receiving), hickeys (both giving and receiving), a little praise talk from beomgyu, public setting (airport restroom lol), beomgyu’s such a tease, reader lowkey playing hard to get, just horknee gyu and reader, yeonjun gets a little jealous 🤭

summary: while waiting 4 hours for your next flight, you see a cute guy at the airport and decide to kill some time.

note & disclaimer: this was extremely unplanned and I’m going through a beomgyu brainrot ever since he dyed his hair purple— allow it :p perhaps a part 2 on the way as well / this does not represent the artist in any way. it is just fiction, thank you.

wc: 2.8k (for no reason)

taglist: @wccycc @ericyjun @hotboyyeonjun (taglist form here)

“you need to learn how to stare at that guy without drooling.” your brother’s friend calls out to you, snapping you out of your reverie.

the said guy adorned plum-coloured hair and a matching essentials hoodie and shorts set. in your opinion, you disliked when guys wore essentials. you thought they looked too much like ‘hype-beasts’ as they call them these days. you eyes ascends from his white air forces, up his toned legs, admiring the way the black essentials set fit him well, and landed on his pretty eyes. his mask made it a little tricky for you to imagine what he’d look like without it but you could tell he was attractive the moment you laid your eyes on him. heck, the moment he made that brand appealing to you.

“shut up, YJ. and you’re no better gawking at these girls’ asses in their gymshark shorts.” you sigh while rolling your eyes at him.

he scoffs in response, “touché. anyway, go get some snacks, wonder ‘round or something and leave your bags here.” you watch him motion his hand in a shoo manner while you passed him your bags, then starting to walk away from your brother, soobin, who seems to be jet-lagged as hell.

“don’t go ‘round getting your dick wet.” you half-joked, knowing that this guy you grew up with is the biggest fuckboy you’ve ever known; he could get any girl he wanted, and it still baffles you that you used to have the biggest crush on him.

you walk away with your phone in hand and stuck your tongue out at him while he held a sly middle finger up at you. it was your first time travelling abroad with just yeonjun and your brother, and knowing just how over-protective they can be was a pain sometimes. at least this time you were able to wander around the airport without them.

walking past airport souvenir shops was one of your favourite ways to pass time, you knew you weren’t going to buy anything since this was your first stop-over flight. after admiring some keychains representing the country you were in, a familiar shade of purple caught your eye from a distance.

there he was again; tall, lean, handsome and around your age. he’s casually walking around, his hand gripping onto the black bag he’s been carrying around and your mind is going places it shouldn’t, especially about a stranger.

stop staring, you told yourself. but as if he heard, your eyes meet for a few seconds before you turn your body and start walking in the opposite direction. well done.

you’re done for. mentally patting yourself on the back for being an embarrassment in public. you fucked up and you don’t even know this guy, and now he’s going to think you’re a creep for staring longer than an average human being would–

“excuse me?” you halt in your steps, shutting your eyes at the sound of the honey silk voice behind you.

dreading to turn around, you did so regardless of how you were feeling that moment, and met with the same pretty eyes you did earlier with yeonjun. this time, you were able to see his face properly, his hair partially parted in the middle and wondering when he took his mask off.

“yes?” your voice was stern, putting up a front and refusing to get caught off guard by this attractive man standing before you.

“I saw you earlier and was wondering if you’d like to walk around with me?” it was definitely not what you were expecting but you were immediately drawn to his confidence. “sorry, is it weird to ask a stranger to hang out for a while?”

you could see his eyes smiling shyly, it being the only feature on his face that was partially hidden due to his bangs slightly framing his brows.

you bit the inside of your bottom lip, refraining the smile appearing on your face. “yeah, it is kinda weird.” your voice stoic and unbothered. he stretched his arm and scratched the back of his neck, his confidence faltering.

“I’m beomgyu by the way. you can call me gyu, though.” he held his hand out, anticipating yours. you looked down at his hand, noting how his fingers were pretty.

it would be nice to talk to someone else other than your childhood crush and your brother for the next 3 hours. “yn.” you shook his hand briefly before exiting the shop.

1 hour later

your back is pushed up against the mirror in one of the restrooms, the space big enough for two people. beomgyu’s hands were roaming from your neck, your waist and the other only finding purchase under your thigh to wrap your leg around his waist.

“mm gyu, stop for a second.” you were panting from his lips against yours, lips slightly puffy from his occasional nibbles. but you want more.

his hands were planted on either side of your hips, him situated between your legs, his confined erection against your lower abdomen and your hands grasping onto his shoulders for balance. he whines cutely, refusing to listen to you and places slow yet delicate kisses down your neck until he reached your collar bones.

“gyu pleasee~” you imitate his whine, only to receive a low scoff. he rested his forehead against yours while waiting for you tell him the reason that stopped him from continuing his lewd actions. “use your fingers,” you whine again, “please.”

a satisfied smirk crawls up his lips realising just how horny you were, but it was no surprise that it matched his level so perfectly. he couldn’t blame you, it’s not all the time you manage to pass first base with an airport crush.

“you’re bad, huh?” he asked rhetorically, his fingers fumbling with the strings of your sweatpants. “you just want to be fingered at the airport so you could boast about it to your girls, I bet.”

he pulls your sweats and panties from the hem and down to your knees. the cold surface of the countertop meeting your butt. your fingers scrunches up by the collar of his hoodie, pulling him as close as you can.

“impatient too.” he slides two fingers from your core, gathering the slick up to your clit. it was hard to hold back a moan, leaning your head back against the mirror.

“c’mon quit teasing, gyu.” your knuckles turning white from the grip on his expensive-ass hoodie. another moan slips from your lips and the sound sent blood rushing to beomgyu’s dick, and if he wore grey shorts you would see his dick print for sure.

“gotta answer me honestly before you get what you want, sweetcheeks.”

“beomgyu, I swear down. I will walk out this door if you don’t touch me.” you pulled him in, clashing teeth and lips, and hearing him chuckle in between. he loved how needy you were, never had he met someone almost on the same page as himself.

cupping your cheek and lacing his fingers through the hair behind your ear, he pulled back only to see this new shit eating grin plastered on his face.

“why’d you agree to have some stranger touch you like this, hm?” though he somewhat had a valid question, all thoughts of reason for this behaviour flew out the window the moment he laid his hand on your waist.

“beomgyuuu, please–”

“tell me, why?” he couldn’t resist the urge to trace the sweet spots on your neck with more kisses, marked with the light hickeys he left a few minutes prior. yeonjun and soobin were definitely going to kill you if they see them.

you sigh, knowing he’s the type that likes his ego being fed, but you thought fuck it, when are you ever going to see this guy again? “you’re cute. you’re really good looking, actually.”

his fingers repeats the lewd action once more, noticing how much wetter you’ve become in the matter of seconds.

“oh really?” and there it was again, that annoying-ass grin that sent flutters down to your clit. “you think I’m that good looking I made this cute little cunt wet?”

“ugh shut upp–”

his fingers circles your your sensitive nub with the slick between your thighs enough to send you towards your orgasm if he sped up even in the littlest way possible.

“why are you so stubborn to admit it, baby? scared to admit a random airport crush can make you feel better than anyone you know personally?”

you hate that he was right. his fingers were soft but they definitely knew what they were doing. your mind was too hazy to even speak a word, not even out of surprise, just never thinking you’d ever do such a thing.

“fuck- ‘kay, you're better than any guy I’ve been with." he inserts his middle finger into your core. it was slender and you could feel the tip massaging against your gspot already. "you’re really attractive, and I hate this essentials set you’re wearing but– hah– you look really– ah– hot in it.” your fingers bury themselves into his plum locks, long enough to curl your fingers and tug on it slightly. you smiled against his lips when you heard a soft groan from him. he felt the way your you walls fluttered when he inserted a second finger.

“you just want to cum, yeah? I can definitely do that for you.” at this rate you were in no shape to kiss him back. the pressure and the pace he was alternating at rubbing your clit and pumping his fingers in and out of you was enough to reach your orgasm in the next few seconds.

his teeth nibbles on your bottom lip once more before kissing and nipping at the skin of your jaw, behind your ear and down the column of your neck. a thin layer of sweat was starting to form at your temples, around your chest and you could feel his bangs begin to dampen against your forehead.

the restroom was filled with the vulgar noise of your wet core and his fingers coming in contact with it, along with your moans and high pitched sighs echoing in the enclosed space. “gyu, so close, baby. so, so close.” you adjust your position so you could bury your face into his neck, reciprocating the light bites here and there with your hands clawing at his shoulders.

to your dismay, the pace beomgyu’s fingers were set at didn’t falter. he kept it consistent knowing that any sudden changes could interrupt your orgasm. the orgasm of his airport crush. with his middle and index finger continuously rubbing your numb bundle of nerves in circles, he could feel the change in speed of your breath fanning against his neck. his eyes scrunches due the to pressure in his shorts but that wasn’t his priority right now. if anything, there’s a close chance for him to cum right there and then just from him fingering you.

a mantra of his name and curses were tangled up on your tongue, pushing you closer to your orgasm with your legs shaking on either side of his hips.

“that’s it, you’re doing so good for me. you’re so hot like this, oh my- fuck-” his string of praises stops when your lips finds his sweet spot, sucking on it and followed by light licks on the pink and red splotches decorated on his neck. something else that made his head go haywire was the contact of your hand caressing against the outline of his hard dick. he was thankful you weren’t directly touching him because he had a feeling he would’ve came the second your hand wrapped around his shaft.

beomgyu helped rubbing you through your high. you were panting a lot more than you did from your brief make out before. your essence drips down his fingers, coating his hand and hoping not to soil the cuff of his hoodie. he places his free hand on one thigh, rubbing his thumb across the small surface of your skin to calm you down.

“shit, we really did that.” he laughs against your lips to give you a few pecks.

“no way you’re that good.” you peck him back between each word.

"oh, but I am." he was cocky, but he was hot. he pulls back from you momentarily, lifting his slick-covered fingers into his mouth and releasing them with a ‘pop’. “mm, and you taste good too.”

you push his shoulder and share some giggles between you, still fucked out and waiting for reality to hit you that you let this hot stranger finger fuck you in the public restrooms.

beomgyu went back to kissing your neck slowly, taking in your scent and the touch of your skin against his lips, not wanting this little rendezvous to end. grabbing your phone beside you, your lockscreen was full of numerous missed calls from yeonjun and soobin.

shit shit shit shit.

you check the time and you have just over an hour to make yourself look a little more presentable, find the two older males and the gate for your next flight. a small part of you didn’t want to leave beomgyu so soon, and though it was most likely a one-time thing, you didn’t want it to be.

“hey, I’ve got to go.” you push him away from your neck a little, his lips still try to chase the area of skin he's gone over for the 100th time.

“that was so short-lived.” he groans, tilting his head back to see his prominent adam’s bob up and down.

“yeah I know,” you jump off the counter to clean between your thighs and pull up your panties and sweats. “but at least you made me cum.” you winked at him.

he was cute, and you were sort of surprised by this side of him already. your compliments only sent his ears to turn red and a his failed attempt at keeping in his grin.

“I’ll walk you back to your gate?”

“if that’s okay with you? wait, what’s your gate though?” you make eye contact with him through the mirror waiting for his response.

“gate 5, you?”

“shut up,” you received a confused look from him. “that’s my gate too!" an idea came up and you remember that you have one more stop over flight, and if he's on the same flight as you then that meant you'll both see each other at the next airport. "what about you?" remembering how hard he was, you reach out and gently stroke his semi-hard dick through his shorts, but he shakes his head at you and gives you a smile.

as if catching on what you were thinking, he wraps his hand around your wrist and drags the palm of your hand down the length of his hidden cock. "no no, it's okay. plus, now I know we'll still meet at the next airport, I can wait."

you felt his arms wrap around your waist, leaving one more kiss on your neck, with his lips forming a smile against your skin before adjusting the collar of your tshirt. he attempts to hide the marks he left on you but failed miserably. his neck, on the other hand, could not be hidden with any sort of attempt unless he wore a turtle neck, which he did not. you mentally curse at yourself for leaving marks so high up.

“it’s fine. I’m not the one travelling with two other people, so don’t worry about it.” you blush from his statement. but also think about how yeonjun would call you a hypocrite, though technically, you didn’t exactly fuck beomgyu.

you and beomgyu walk back to the area where you left yeonjun and soobin almost 2 hours ago. you lean over to grab ahold of your small suitcase, which was laid flat on the floor, and hear yeonjun scoff behind the both of you.

he saw the light marks peeking out from under your shirt and can’t help but feel weird from the sight. he knows he shouldn't feel this way about his best friend's younger sister, yet he made a mental note that you look good marked up. yeonjun's mind couldn't help but wonder what your moans sound like, or even how good you'd feel around his tongue, fingers or his now-growing cock.

“and you were the one that told me not to get my dick wet. you better hide that from soobin or else he’d kill me for letting you wander around for too long," yeonjun eyes beomgyu, "especially with a stranger." he huffs, breaking his curious daydream about you, he observes the way the other guy was standing close to you. yeonjun's still a little taller than the purple-haired male, which managed to boost his ego in the smallest way possible because he was always that competitive.

“don’t worry, YJ, I didn’t wet his dick yet, if you’re that concerned.” you hear beomgyu chortle from your response, not knowing just how jealous yeonjun was growing.

“whatever. that’s on you if you get in trouble.”

“okay, okay!” you nudge his arm, letting him know you were just teasing him back. “what do I need to do for you to keep this a secret? I’ll do anything.”

yeonjun’s ears lit up from your offer. “anything?”

“anything!” you look up at him, watching the gradual smirk climb on his face.

“just wait and see when we get on the plane.” he smirks, turning away.

© boba-beom ; do not repost, copy, alter or translate in any way.

[nanowrimo]

How to Set Realistic NaNoWriMo Goals

Every year, we’re lucky to have great sponsors for our nonprofit events. Dabble, a 2023 NaNoWriMo sponsor, is a tool specifically designed for fiction novelists. Today, Dabbler Robert Smith shares a few tips to help you set daily writing goals that will work for you:

November looms, and with it the thrilling, harrowing, and sometimes carb-loaded journey of National Novel Writing Month. As we tie our writer's capes and ready ourselves for a month of intense creation, there's a small matter we need to address: our writing goals.

The Weight of 50,000 Words

Setting goals for NaNoWriMo is like setting a pace for a marathon. You wouldn't expect to sprint a marathon. The same goes for writing. If you try to sprint through, chances are you'll burn out faster than a candle in a windstorm.

However, only doing the minimum can leave you in a precarious position. Because if something comes up—and something always comes up—you’re suddenly behind on your goal, and that can really hurt morale.

So here are some goal setting tips to crush NaNoWriMo this year:

1. Start off strong, so you can end strong.

There is a simple fact about motivation. It starts strong and wanes with time. 

Now to be honest, you won’t be able to write a book with motivation alone. It requires a lot of discipline, and you’ll have to write even when you don’t feel like it.

But a great way to get the most out of that early motivation is to channel it into higher early output.

We all know that 50,000 words split over 30 days is 1667 words a day. But authors who win NaNoWriMo often don’t start there. They shoot for 2,500-3,000 words a day in the first week. That way they build up a buffer for the later weeks where motivation isn’t as high.

Plus, it gives them great forward momentum on their project. So consider setting higher goals early and taking advantage of your early NaNo fervor.

2. Account for daily life.

Even if you've cleared your calendar for November, life has a knack for throwing curveballs. 

Kids get sick. Work projects pop up. You know what I mean. If your word count goal is teetering on the edge of feasibility, any small disturbance can throw it off. 

To combat this, make plans and backup plans. Schedule your writing time around family gatherings. Plan what happens if you miss a day. Set yourself up for success before those situations arise.

3. Use the buddy system.

Find a writing buddy to be accountable to. It could be a friend participating in NaNoWriMo, or even someone you connect with in the NaNo community. 

Check in with each other daily. Celebrate your wins, commiserate over the tricky bits, and hold each other accountable. 

Sometimes, knowing someone else is in the trenches with you can be incredibly motivating.

4. Have weekly check-ins.

Instead of focusing solely on daily targets, also have a weekly goal. This gives you a broader view and allows for some flexibility. If you have a slower day, you can make up for it later in the week without feeling like you've thrown the entire month off course.

5. Actually track your goals.

Obviously, you need to track your goals, but there are multiple ways to do it.

Dabble integrates with NaNoWriMo, so you don’t have to manually submit your word count. And if you fall behind a bit, Dabble will automatically adjust your daily goal accordingly to keep you on track.

But even if you’re just marking off your goals on a napkin at your desk, tracking your progress will help you stay the course to victory.

Now go forth, share your stories, and remember: it's not all about the word count; it's about the words that count.

All NaNoWriMo participants can use the discount code  NANOWRI2023 for 20% off 1 year of Dabble! Offer expires January 31, 2024.

Robert Smith is a Dabbling Writer, and a Writing Dabbler. He likes playing board games with his wife, and deconstructing plots from movies in his spare time.

Top Photo by Isaac Smith on Unsplash.

[ezziefae]

If Cardan and Nicasia were still together and he had the chance to be with Jude, do you think he would cheat or even leave Nicasia for Jude? Maybe it would depend on when this would happen. Like if he's High King, he wouldn't have as much shame or fear of making his own decisions compared to him living with Balekin in TCP.

I'm asking because Cardan has always fantasized and admired Jude from a distance, even if he didn't realize he was doing so. And the love he has for Nicasia seemed superficial. He got over his romantic feelings for her pretty quickly when she cheated.

(Hiii, sooo sorry for the very late reply)

When reading the TFOTA series, I always think about the "what ifs?". What if Nicasia had never cheated on Cardan? What if she had committed to him and strongly loved him, wanting him and only him? It's interesting to ponder on the potential alternate storylines that could have developed.

I strongly believe that Cardan is a faithful person and would never cheat on anyone, not even Nicasia. He is someone who craves love, attention, and affection due to being love-deprived. In The Queen Of Nothing, he himself admits that love was never a game to him, unlike Locke. Whenever he was in a romantic relationship, he was genuinely caring towards his partner (Nicasia), which was why he committed to her. Nicasia was the only person he had ever loved (before Jude obvi), so it made sense for him to want to stay by her side and marry her. Although, it is mentioned in the books that Cardan had a crush on Jude while he was still with Nicasia. However, the only reason Nicasia and Cardan's romantic relationship ended was because Nicasia fell in love with Locke, and chose him over Cardan. But what if she had not cheated? What would have happened then?

It's a difficult question to answer because even I can't be sure what would have happened. Most likely, the conflict between Jude, Taryn, Locke, Nicasia, Cardan, and Valerian wouldn't have occurred. Nicasia started the drama because Locke left her for Taryn, and she wanted revenge. If Nicasia and Cardan had gone ahead with their plans, Cardan would have stayed away from Jude, and they would have remained enemies. Even if Cardan and Nicasia had stayed together, it's clear that Cardan would have been unhappy living in the Undersea. The outcome would also depend on the timeline. If Cardan was the High King and still with Nicasia, she would have become the High Queen, which would have been terrible for Jude. The story would have ended differently for sure. It's hard to say, but I don't think that Cardan and Nicasia's relationship would have lasted, and they would have been miserable together. Cardan loved Nicasia, but he was so obsessively drawn to Jude that he might have ended his relationship with Nicasia because of it.

It's a tricky question, and I can't imagine how it could potentially play out. This scenario would make a great fan fiction story, so I hope someone writes one day. LIKE IMAGINE THAT AGNST.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

I think I might be aromantic. How do people usually find out, when they are not romance-repulsed?

All the relationships I have tried have left me confused about whether I was even romantically attracted to these people or not.

Context if necessary: I am transmasc, non binary and I am 23 years old

Yeah, it can be hard to tell, especially since you're trying to define an absence. And it's human nature to always assume you might just be missing something.

There are definitely common experiences that aro people tend to have (though not 100% universal for all aros), usually around not caring about or being as excited about or enjoying various aspects of romance as much as others seem to (or assume they might be exaggerating how much they seem to).

It's also common for aros to not be sure if they're experiencing romantic attraches/romantic crushes, or to feel like if they are they're different than it tends to be for others (for example, very infrequent, tend to be towards fictional characters or otherwise unattainable people, tend to fade quickly/not last, not be as invested as others seem to be, etc.)

Another thing that can make it tricky is that alloromantic people tend not to describe romance and what they're feeling romantically very much, generally assuming these experiences are universal. So finding more detailed descriptions of romance can also help this sometimes because and give you something more solid to compare with your own experiences.

So for example, romance tends to be a very big feeling, and it's common especially in the infatuation stage to be very obsessed with the person you're attracted to, and thinking about them constantly and really wanting to be around them. There's a lot of common symptoms that tend to happen with romance too like the room feels brighter when they're there or when they smile, fluttery feelings in your stomach or chest (often called butterflies), really wanting a relationship with that person defined as romantic, really wanting to do things you consider to be romantic with them (this can vary from person to person, but most alloromantic people have certain scenarios in their minds they consider romantic, and if you ask them to explain romance will often start describing these scenarios). (Note that this isn't a comprehensive list, and not everyone experiences all these things, but these are some common things).

My advice if you're still not sure would be to read up on other aro experiences, if you're not sure where to look for this Carnival of Aros (a monthly aromantic blogging event by theme) and Arocalypse are both really good resources. But anywhere aro people are talking about being aro is really good, and while aromanticism is a broad spectrum of experiences, it can really help solidify what experiences actually do fall outside of allornormativity. Arocalypse also has a few detailed threads for signs people might be aro or things that helped them realise they were aro.

Hopefully this is helpful, or at least gives you some direction to go in. And if you have more questions or want to talk about things in more detail, do feel free to send in another ask.

All the best, Anon!

[inspectorlyfra]

So, that “Carmilla fixes what’s broken” theory/headcanon, yeah? Let’s play with that a little. Both a literal meaning, and a metaphorical one. Buckle up, let’s go! 

Thanks to his profile on the official website, we know Jonny made up his “backstory” as seen in One-Eyed Jacks. We also know he still did kill his dad, as seen in the “killing your father in an emotionally climactic moment” “you’re projecting again, jonny” exchange in DTTM. I wouldn’t know what the exact words are, I refuse to watch DTTM. Moving on, we don’t actually know how exactly he reached the near-death state necessary for mechanization. Death row? Self-inflicted? A heart attack? Who knows!

Symbolically, though, in the prison interview fiction, he briefly mentions that SA is the one thing Doc Carmilla put off-limits. While this could be a lie, or instead a reference to Carmilla’s parenting (did Jonny ever get time-out?), it pretty steadily points towards some form of morals integrated into the mechanism itself. Backing this up, on his profile again, Jonny says “I’m told I had a good heart, but the Doc dealt with that.” And what organ traditionally is associated with morals? The heart, babey!

Going off of this, I’d say that Jonny’s act of patricide wasn’t premeditated. Back to the “emotionally climactic moment”, and all. However he handled the guilt after he realized what happened, I’d assume that was his downfall.

One headcanon I’ve seen around is that Nastya was born with hemophilia. That’s got the literal ‘broken blood’ out of the way.

As for symbolism, look no further than “Accept the destiny of your blood” as quoted in Cyberian Demons. Nastya knew her family wasn’t great, and she wanted something to be done about that. Their wrongdoings ran in her blood, and she was killed like the rest of them. Clearing her veins set her free.

Ivy’s another tricky one, since we don’t know much about her backstory either. We know that Carmilla made her offer to Ivy in a library she knew by heart, and that’s it.

Going off of her current dissociation from the past thanks to her supercomputer brain, though, I’d guess she had some kind of emotional dysregulation. Trauma, depression, whatever. The dissociation she has now was possibly implemented as a reaction to that. A distance in her own mind, to keep her from getting so overwhelmed.

Thanks to Ashes actually having a backstory song that’s truthful, we know their first death. Smoke inhalation and burns. That, of course, ties into the literal meaning of their lungs.

But lungs aren’t just needed to breathe- you need good lungs to scream. And if Ashes could’ve screamed that night, told the Sevens the truth and exposed Mickey for what he was.. Well, it might not’ve fixed the whole planet, but it would’ve helped.

Brian’s one of two mechs to have the majority of their body be mechanical. His body froze, leaving only his heart intact, yadda yadda.

Going back to the morality idea from Jonny, Brian is a direct parallel to that. Every part of him broke in space except for his heart- his morals. And Carmilla leaned on that with his switch, splitting “morality” into two halves.

A fic I like for this concept that I will promote: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32318977

TS wasn’t made by Carmilla, and its exclusion is fairly self-explanatory for both the literal and figurative, but I’ll go over it quickly anyway. It was made fully clockwork, and only got its autonomy over time. It stole the angel’s voice so that it would have to be heard. 

Tim’s eyes burned out, yes, but he saw countless atrocities over the 3 or 4 years of the war. Replacing his eyes didn’t remove the memories, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

Marius has very little of his pre-mech backstory known! He was a child soldier, and he fought in a giant mecha. That’s about it.

The arm is, arguably, the part of your body that does the most things externally. It types, writes, holds, carries, hits, crushes. And if you’re a soldier, it kills. So when Marius got a shiny new arm and was removed from the environment he grew up in, of course he wanted to be a doctor. He wanted to figure out how to preserve life, not destroy it. Granted, the Mechs don’t need a doctor, but.. I’m sure he had the right idea before the standard desensitization that comes with immortality.

Raphaella’s a complete fucking wild card! Let’s go!

I must of course mention @ladydragonkiller‘s Icarus!Raphaella fic before anything else. Go read it, it’s lovely. https://archiveofourown.org/works/39452052

Whether you subscribe to the “Raphaella gave herself wings” agenda or the “Human carcinization, Raphaella’s species always had wings, but Raphaella’s went wrong somehow” agenda, from my understanding it’s pretty widely agreed on that she mechanized herself.

And whether or not you lean on the Icarus idea, I think the theme of ambition is a strong note. Science is an ambitious field of study! I still like my old idea of a fallen angel interpretation of Raphaella. Regardless of if she was cast out by others or left the nest of her own volition, that ambition and that separation is what cost her her wings.

Making new wings for herself returned her freedom, returned her ambition, returned all of those glorious things. And now, she flies higher than ever before.

And that’s all of them! This wasn’t the most organized, but I had a lotta thoughts I wanted to get down. Wooooo!

[oneshotnewbie]

Do you do song fiction? If so, can you do 'Sabotage' from Bebe Rexha with Olivia x Reader?

---

🎵 Why do I sabotage everything I love? It's always beautiful until I fuck it up.🎵

"No, it is over with us." those words kept ringing in Olivia´s head.

Your voice shrouded in a brine of sadness, anger and betrayal. She looked at you pleadingly, wanting you to stay but with these words, you walked out of her apartment with all your belongings and left the otherwise tough woman wince in place when you slammed the door in her face with a cruel bang.

🎵 Tell myself I'm safe and lonely With nobody else to break my heart Even though I know you'd never I'm my own worst enemy and think you are🎵

Olivia sat on the floor, her arms wrapped tightly around her legs that were pressed firmly against her body. Tears ran freely from her eyes, cascading down her cheeks and forming a lake down her chin. She had lost her best friend. Her soulmate. The woman she never wanted to hurt and forever keep at her side.

You were her only footing, her pillar in the sea of weary and tiring days that blurred into one another without which she could not be. With you, she found peace, comfort and true love that touched her for the first time and completely enveloped her into a bubble.

But all that seemed over from now on.

🎵 Matches in my back pocket I'm the queen of burning bridges I will only let you down🎵

Olivia started hating herself. It was not her best friends fault that seduced her into kissing him. It was alone her fault. She had fallen for him because of the hopeless and tricky situation she had been during a case and he had just been there- She alone had chosen to be the bad guy in this.

Elliot was her past and you her present. And she wanted you to be her future too.

🎵Why do I sabotage everything I love? It's always beautiful until I fuck it up Why do I sabotage everything I love? The walls are closing in because I built them up🎵

The Lieutenant was suddenly overcome by an urge for oxygen and panicked when she could not get it. The feeling of her body being on fire spread through her veins while her heart grew emptier and colder from your absence. The warmth evaporated from her like a drop on a hot stone.

She felt her heart clench inside, thousand tiny, sharp needles puncturing it; a frighteningly familiar feeling.

🎵Why can't I let myself be happy? (Ooh) Why do I gotta get in my own way? (Ooh) My shoes are worn out, always runnin' From the reasons that I really wanna stay🎵

For the first time in a long while, she felt fear flare up inside her. The overwhelming silence in the lonely and deserted apartment crushed her and she cried out in desperation, but not a sound left her lips.

What had she done? Why would she jeopardize your relationship just to know how it feels to kiss her best friend in a moment of weakness?

The brunette had been stupid. Of all the horrible mistakes she made in her life, this was by far the stupidest she had ever done. How was she supposed to survive without the most important person in her life?

🎵Why do I sabotage everything I love? It's always beautiful until I fuck it up Why do I sabotage everything I love? The walls are closing in because I built them up🎵

She rocked back and forth sobbing bitterly. Lonely and alone, lost and abandoned, she sat there and her heart ached. She pressed her palm firmly against her chest, gasping with an reddened face as her hand slid over her ribs. Her cold fingers gripped her sweater, wishing she could hold your hands instead.

Many who knew Olivia might describe her as a strong woman, but that was just the side of herself she showed on the outside. Inside, life had torn her soul into pieces and hurt her as a result.

Only when you came along and gave her the time she needed to get used to you, you subconsciously had glued the shattered pieces of her heart together with love and adoration.

🎵So don't let me hope too high Don't let me hope too high🎵

The memories tugged at her heart. The atmosphere around her began to cool down as if you had soaked up the energy from the otherwise cheerful rooms and carried them with you when you left, sending a chill down her spine.

Olivia knew that she would feel empty, every second would feel like torture for as long until you were with her again.

🎵 'Cause I will find a way to tear it down every time Don't let me hope too high When everything is right 'Cause I will find a way to tear it down every time I sabotage everything I love It's always beautiful until I fuck it up Why do I sabotage everything I love?🎵

Olivia missed your stubborn, cheeky and at the same time loving nature around her already. Strong and unique, maybe even extraordinary, she had come to know and love you and sparked a close bond between friendship and relationship that ended in family.

After each setback, you'd gotten back up and kept going. You had experienced and survived the most diverse and dangerous adventures together. Defeated the worst of the worst. Together.

And now it all just ended like this. Because of a broken and crushed heart.

🎵 It's always beautiful until I fuck it up Why do I sabotage everything I love? The walls are closing in because I built them up Why do I sabotage?🎵

[thewertsearch]

FCG: LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT, WHAT WERE YOU ORIGINALLY GOING TO ASK ME. [...] CGA: Is Magic A Real Thing

Magic is tricky to define. Personally, I’d consider a fictional phenomenon to be ‘magical’ if the story ignores any scientific principles which may underpin it. If the story presents a phenomenon as something that doesn’t need to be explained to the reader, then that phenomenon is, or may as well be, magical.

FCG: WE CAN ALCHEMIZE PRACTICALLY ANYTHING WITH THE RIGHT MATERIALS AND GRIST. FCG: WE CAN, AND DID, MAKE SUPER POWERFUL WEAPONS AND ITEMS THAT CAN DO PRACTICALLY ANYTHING. FCG: WHAT ADDITIONAL ADVANTAGE COULD MAGIC OFFER? ALL THIS SHIT IS PRACTICALLY MAGIC ANYWAY. FCG: BUT MORE LIKE FCG: GOOFY SCIENCEY MAGIC. YOU KNOW?

So I agree with Karkat - and actually, I’d go even further. Sburb’s basic mechanics aren’t practically magic - they are magic. 

That’s not to say these mechanics have no rules. Alchemy is well-defined, and I can happily theorize about it - but the comic will probably never explain how an Alchemiter creates matter from nothing. That’s magic. 

CGA: I Need To Figure Out A Way To Stoke This Volcano CGA: In Case You And The Others Are Successful In Recovering The Queens Ring

What, are you going to pull a Frodo?

Oh my god, you are! 

So that’s what the Forge does. It probably melts it - and given that this is the Forge, the metal is probably used to make something else. Raw material for the Ultimate Alchemy, perhaps? 

CGA: Still Baffled By What Would Conceivably Cause Such A Crisis In Awesomeness Post-Victory FCG: WELL FCG: FOR STARTERS FCG: HAVE YOU SCROLLED UP TO THE TOP OF THE TIMELINES YET?

Whatever this is, it takes place hours in post-session Karkat’s future. After a certain point, Trollian completely flips out, and refuses to load anything past this position on the timeline. 

The simplest explanation, of course, is that there’s nothing to load. 

I prefer the boots, but that is pretty sick. I award it second place on the podium of Sburb mobility devices. 

DRAGONSPRITE: sniff sniff DRAGONSPRITE: hey terezi! DRAGONSPRITE: heeeeeeeyyyyyyy! DRAGONSPRITE: hiiiiii terezi!

The intelligence of a sprite is proportional to its ingredients. Dragons are typically rather clever, but this one is just a wyrmling, so she’s probably comparable to Jaspers. 

If sprites age, that could change - but I’m not sure she’ll have the time. The trolls’ sprites are conspicuously absent from the Veil.

CG: OK I GOT YOUR MESSAGE CG: THANKS FOR NOT HASSLING ME ABOUT IT IN ONE OF THE MEMOS TO GET MY ATTENTION, I APPRECIATE THAT. CG: UNLESS YOU DID, BUT IT WAS IN A FUTURE MEMO I HAVEN'T WRITTEN YET, IN WHICH CASE HAVE A BIGTIME FUCK YOU ABOUT THAT IN ADVANCE. [...] GC: M4YB3 1 W1LL ST4RT MY OWN BULL3T1N BO4RD GC: 4ND 3V3RYON3 W1LL B3 4LLOW3D TO R3PLY 4NY T1M3 TH3Y W4NT GC: 3XC3PT FOR GUYS W1TH NUBBY HORNS, OH NO, TH3Y W1LL NOT B3 4BL3 TO R3PLY 4T 4LL

These two are pretty messy, but here’s my full read. 

I’m fairly sure that Karkat was referring to Terezi here. He has a flushed crush on her, but her personality mildly annoys him sometimes. His irritation, paired with his genuine attraction to her, is confusing him, making him wonder if this is actually a blossoming kismesissitude. He’s therefore started forcing himself to insult her, even in places where it doesn’t naturally fit. 

You see in the paragraph above, where he sincerely thanks her for her tact, and then immediately pivots to flaming her for potential rudeness? That’s clumsy pitch flirtation, from someone whose heart isn’t really in it. 

Terezi, meanwhile, is harder to crack. I’m pretty sure she’s attempting both pitch and flushed flirtation, but I can’t tell what she actually feels. She definitely likes Karkat, but I don’t know what direction. There’s a decent chance that she just doesn’t know herself - which is, if nothing else, pretty realistic. 

CG: THIS IS AN EMPTY THREAT, BECAUSE IF YOU MADE A BOARD AT ANY POINT ON THE TIMELINE I WOULD BE ABLE TO SEE IT RIGHT HERE AND READ THE WHOLE THING ALREADY. CG: WAIT... CG: OH GOD, YOU ACTUALLY DID.

C’mon, dude, you know her better than that!

[merrivia]

in ur opinion who are the hottest characters in cp and who are the least ;)

Haha what an excellent question.

And because clearly I can't just be like here's the list of hotties, enjoy, you did get me thinking.

I think fiction- and the way Pacat writes in particular- offers us this really interesting space in terms of 'attraction', as I mean, it's all just this lovely, indulgent hypothetical anyway. And what makes a character 'attractive' kind of just exists in the imagination? Like we are free to imagine Damen and Laurent for instance, in particular ways physically beyond the broad strokes of big, olive-skinned and dark haired vs blue-eyed blond, as there is no exact visual for us. The other part to is the idea of 'proximity'- you know, how in real life we often fall for the people around us? Who we can get to know or who we 'see' over and over? So as we read and inhabit a fictional world, we are approximating these things - we're inside character's heads, around them, getting to know them etc.,. And I think all of that plays a part in this mimicry of real life attraction?

It's such an interesting weird blurring between knowing a character is made up and a small part of your brain kind of making judgements as if they're real.

[But merrivia this was for fun...I know and I'm sorry 😂]

I also want to say that having a particular physical 'type' is a really fascinating concept for me, because I think it's rooted in all sorts of psychological issues we have swirling around in our subconscious? I don't think perhaps we can always control it, but I do think it's an important part of life to examine those biases we have, too. I had a type when I was younger, but I outgrew those ideas over time and don't really have any specific physical preferences, so all of this really is based on personality mostly, for me!

I've also based this list on how we meet characters in the books, as opposed to 'older characters when they were younger' for example.

So:

*tied position: Damen, to me, is the hottest. I think it's his intelligence and honesty and goodness and willingness to love. And yeah...okay fine, his fighting prowess and his physical strength. In real life, I don't care for that, in fact that would intimidate the hell out of me, but reading him literally outclass everyone else in the novels is beyond attractive. I also love love love, how smart and witty he is, and how he can match Laurent in that way. Also: the dimple /screams into the void/. In many ways Damen has qualities I admire, and I wish I had more of. How disciplined he is, his easy natural charm with others, how comfortable he is with his own body, how open and light he can be when it comes to sex while still being respectful, how he isn't actually vain over his looks and how he's very romantic at heart...that's all very attractive to me. He has his flaws, I know, but I just think he's really hot. And tied at that spot is...Auguste. I actually think, in real life, Auguste would be exactly the kind of guy I would have had a major crush on. Handsome and good-hearted and honourable and loves his family? I can see me watching Auguste with a younger Laurent, being all playful and big-brothery and I would just *die* and have to stop myself proposing to him immediately. He also, I think, loved animals, a quality I also really like in a man. I do feel we know so little about him, it's tricky...but he's tied at the no 1 spot for me.

Laurent is obviously gorgeous, but in a remote way to me? I absolutely love him, but I'm not attracted to him. He's ridiculously beautiful and mind-bogglingly intelligent and sharp and very funny and has his own moral code, but in a way, some of his sharpness reminds me of the worst of myself? And the lethal side of his personality is...phew, it's a lot. His love of animals and of children is so lovely though, and the sweetness that comes out in him around Damen makes me melt. I also am, as a woman, respectful of canonically gay characters's preferences, and I don't know if thats odd or not, but some people are in a separate category in my mind (my friend's partners, gay men etc.,) where I can like them, and even adore them platonically, but I cannot see them as sexually attractive in any way. That includes characters it seems! I also think, he is just so objectified in the novels...even if I did fancy him, I might want to protect him from that constant onslaught, not join in? Regardless of all that, of course Laurent is super hot, so he's on the list.

The Good Men of the book- Nikandros and Berenger. I think that ultimately, the older I get, the more I am drawn to inner qualities of principle and goodness. Both these men are loyal and loving. Both deserve love and amazing sex.

The Hot Women of the book- Jokaste and Kashel are polar opposites and both obviously gorgeous. Jokaste scares the hell out of me, but I respect the fact that people would fall at her feet. Kashel is like that nice, pretty girl next door type at school who does a lot of sports and who lots of people are really into.

Ancel is very much NOT my type, something about the long red hair and the personality...but is he a hottie? Yes, of course. You have to respect his hustle, and I really like how he falls for Berenger, showing how he does have a heart.

Jord...He's a good man too. I see him as on the shorter, stockier side, based on descriptions of the book, and, well, a bit plain, but he's a good reminder that being exceptionally good-looking and/or a nobleman isn't everything. He exudes a personableness and has some really good qualities. I really do wish he hadn't projected all of his 'I betrayed Laurent' guilt so strongly onto Damen at the end of PG, but... it did create a lot of angst and narrative tension (I mean which is partly Jord's function!).

Who isn't attractive...yikes, that's tough. I mean there are plenty of other characters in the book, so if I haven't mentioned them, they're just not on the list. I just feel like there isn't enough for me to get my teeth into with characters like Pallas or Lazar, as cute as they are? So it's not a judgement, I just need a little more description. As for some of the older characters...yeah nope. If that's your thing, that's fine! And the villains in the book can rot in hell as far as I'm concerned.

I guess find it difficult to see Erasmus as hot. On the list, he should be just below Laurent really. This is kind of how I see his looks being, but even prettier. Like ridiculously, sweetly pretty.

I didn't include him out of very nurturing feelings I think? He's just a little sweetheart, and I want to take him under my wing and make sure he's okay. I just want him and the beautiful Kallias together!

It's why I'm also so neutral on Torveld I think? He's a good man too, but just...yeah.

And poor, damaged Aimeric...he's clearly a pretty boy. But I just think he was far too troubled. Lots of therapy needed for Aimeric in a modern AU and no-contact with Guion and to go off and live with Loyse (who I hope didn't know until it was too late what happened to Aimeric or tried to fight her husband on it but couldn't win, because patriarchy, and didn't just turn a blind eye- if she did do that, then no-contact for her too) and date Jord :(

So that's my rundown!

That was fun, thanks for the ask!

[virusclownz]

It's hard to get my thoughts out a lot of the time, but I'm just here for skeletons and old murderous men, I guess.

My brain is all -insert story idea- and I! Cannot write! Well enough to portray!

So if someone wants to yoink some ideas from me, here ya go:

Undertale

Papcest; An older Papyrus meets a younger Edge and thinks there's something cute about this edgy kid who thinks he's The Shit™, and works towards getting him to soften up a bit, the world's not nearly as harsh as he thinks he needs to be <3 (bonus points for a slight age gap, like maybe 5 years? 30 year old Jaded But Still Positive Papyrus x 25 year old Angy At The World Edge)

Gastercest; a Gaster falls into the CORE, but instead of getting yote into the void, he ends up in another version of himself's lap?? What chaos and shenanigans ensue when you put two overworked, overly tired science dads together?

Sanscest; A night of partying bites Red in the ass, literally- who knew Axe's teeth were that strong??

Madness Combat

2BHank; Hank is having a day where he can't block out the pain, and goes to seek comfort from Doc in the hopes that the old man can distract him.

Sanmos; Sanford and Deimos have a rare day off, and use the time wisely- which is to say, they go fuck some shit up for the lolz and maybe some feelings are confessed along the way

2BSheriff; Doc seeks out an old friend and lifelong crush for a business endeavour and receives a lot more than he bargained for.

Tricky x Jebus; The Clown is bored! Tricky goes snooping through Nevada and finds Jebus in a club, and some dancing (and probably fighting) ensues!

I'm not the best at coming up with ship stuff, much less romantic/sexual stuff lmao, but I hope my offerings to the fandom(s) are welcome.

Now I should probably go make dinner instead of thinking about fictional men kissing xD

[mickittotheman]

Weekly Tag Wednesday ✨

Three (3!) tags this week i feel so honored!!! thank you @astaraels @mickeym4ndy @samantitheos

Name: Mechy

Age: mid-20s

First Pet? I had a white mouse named Salt and my brother had a black mouse named Pepper. Tragically, Salt ended up cannibalizing Pepper 😢. I was of course sad and horrified but I was also slightly proud that my mouse won (I was a weird kid)

First Word? “no.” very on brand for me 🤠

First Celebrity Crush? Hmmm crushes are tricky for me bc i’m very much on the aro/ace spec. However I will say the first fictional character I became obsessed with was Adrian Monk when I was like 6 or 7 (have i mentioned i was a weird kid?) 

First IRL Crush? Same issue as above. There was one boy i followed around a lot in kindergarten but i think i might've just liked his hair (it was red lmao #mickey coded behavior)

First kiss? classified

First Car? No car :( By the time i had the money for it i’d been diagnosed with narcolepsy because my life is a tragedy

First apartment/house/dorm/whatever away from your parents? I 100% lucked out and went to a community college where one of the campuses had dorms. The dorms were NICE, like I had my own room, only had to share a bathroom with the adjoining room, decent size and overall pretty good condition. PLUS they were crazy cheap so between financial aid and a few student-jobs i was covered. 

First time on a plane? When i was 18 one of my best friends was going to visit family in Germany and they let me tag along!!! It was so fun, i’d never been on a vacation before, let alone a PLANE and i loved it, honestly i thought the turbulence was super fun and i had my face smushed up against the window every waking moment

First cellphone? Motorola Razr Flip 😎

First concert? Never been to one! Closest thing was probably a Shrek Rave back in college lmao

First Foreign country you visited? Technically speaking it would be Mexico, but it doesn't really count because my family is from there and it's also Very Close. So I’d say that Germany trip instead.

First sport you ever played? Soccer ⚽️

First career aspiration? Doctor I think

And finally… tell me about the first time you wrote/drew/created/whatever something that made you think "wow": hmmm i’ve always drawn and had an unwarrantedly large ego as a child so I really can’t pinpoint the first time. However I what i CAN share is my Pride and Joy Best Creation To Date: 

Now, i know what you're thinking, “Mechy. That is an averagely painted bird.” HOWEVER. If you look closer you will see that EVERY ITEM in that picture is actually hand sculpted hand painted oven bake clay. Honestly i think that was my Peak i can’t see myself doing anything cooler than that lol but i am content with this being my legacy

tagging @sleepyheadgallavich @krysmiss @sillygoofygoobersstuff @transsexual-dandelions @liza420 only if you want to of course, if not this is me handing you a pencil only for you to later discover it is a fake made from clay just as you try to use it to write down something important sorry not sorry ✏️

[purlturtle]

Character ask game, 25, for HG and Myka. (haven't been in the fandom for a minute, hope I spelled Myka's name right)

25: What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

(all questions here)

Oh that's a tricky one, because my memory isn't good 😅 I'm gonna think back real hard, but I can't promise it won't be colored by present feelings!

So I watched Warehouse because I saw it on the list of things that Kate Mulgrew had recently done, and I loved her in Voyager, and so I checked Warehouse out - but from the very beginning; yep, I'm that kind of person. I want to have ALLLLL the context 😅

And I was *immediately* taken by Myka. I latched on to her so hard. SO HARD. Immediate blorbo, as the kids say today. Luckily, that was 20....11? I think? So there was a good number of episodes already out, and I just inhaled them. I liked Pete well enough, especially since he was good for Myka's closed-off-ness; even the pilot established that, but Myka was front and goddamn center for me.

I wasn't watching these together with other fans, by the way. I wasn't *in* any fandom then; if I enjoyed something, I was enjoying it on my own. I didn't even know about fan fiction, although I did know about conventions - but only for Star Trek? Anyway yeah, that all changed with Warehouse, but I digress.

When Helena appeared on screen for the first time, I *immediately* saw the chemistry between the two of them, never mind that kiss that H.G. gave Pete. I do remember being stunned like Myka at the reveal of who H.G. Wells really was! And then For The Team happened and I was FUCKING SOLD.

But even before that shipping, I loved H.G. as a character: a smart woman out of Victorian age into current time, beautiful, angry, hurting - oh I wanted to see more of her, wanted to have her as a regular cast member, *knew* there would be a heel turn somewhere (well, probably more of a wishful thinking situation but I was RIGHT!)

Just like Myka's smarts and emotional closed-off-ness, Helena's smarts and her very big very open wound immediately made me latch on to her too. And the fact that they are both absolutely stunning in their own way didn't hurt at all! (I still have a crush on both of them 😂)

Today, as I have written over a million words exploring both of their characters (*coughhumblebragcough*), I still love them more than any other fictional character. They are truly my One True Pairing in the deepest sense of the word; no other couple comes close, and I cannot ship them with any others (except perhaps clones of themselves or each other, but I digress again). I am obsessed with them. I feel like I learn something new about them every time I sit down to write, every time I talk with someone about them - and I am SO fucking glad that there are still people who want to talk about them.

Instinct in particular (the episode I mean) makes me fucking FERAL because I understand both of them so well. God, it just tears at my heartstrings in the best worst way.

Thank you for asking, and allowing me to gush about these two! ♥️

[thebirdofthechapel]

I felt a little bothered over a particular discourse of aroace Saiki; how he can’t be interested in Teruhashi and that aroaces can’t be in relationships… I’ve always known that existed in the Saiki K fandom and have avoided it until that one time. It’s fine to look for representation in fictional characters, but sexual identity is a journey of self-discovery. Boxing people into one experience is damaging to the concept of the diversity we queer people stand for. It isn’t “Saiki is straight or aroace” but “Saiki is aroace or maybe he’s gay in varying ways” - at the very least, that was what I was trying to say in the context of the discourse. I get we’re starved of representation, but it’s very weird that people become obsessed over the sexual identities of fictional characters... In anime, no less. The worst place to expect any representation.

But what bothers me the most was how, for all their claim of aroace erasure in the show, is how they themselves are doing it by believing there is only one type of aroace exp. Being aroace doesn’t necessarily mean you hate romance or/and sex. There are those that don’t want partners. There are those that do. There are those willing to do things for their partner if it makes them happy, and there are those that don’t. They’re all valid.  Aro/ace folks have different preferences as well. 

And they said no one comes close to Saiki as an aroace icon and I’m like....there’s Mera? She’s the true aroace icon!

This is why I never talked about pairings in RoH. For a coming-of-age story, I want the characters to grow and learn about themselves. I sort of have vague ideas for them but I’m mostly leaving it up to air and seeing where it goes. So far, there have been mentions of boys liking girls - Ritsu’s claim that he prefers energetic girls, swapped!Saiki having a puppy crush on Tsubomi back when they were kids, Momozou being obviously into Hitomi - but in case it isn’t clear, the setting has a very heteronormative culture. Having pink hair has already made things tricky for the Kageyama brothers. I avoid using “X is Y identity” to advertise this fic but LGBTQ+ themes are definitely a big part of what can be expected.

Well, I guess I can say there are definitely more gays than straights haha. Everyone being a lil gay is more believable, honestly.

[girl-next-door-writes]

2023 Wrapped Game

Thank you so much for tagging me @kjs-s you wonderful human being!

To celebrate 2023 coming to an end, create a moodboard inspired by your favourite memories of the year and answer any (or all) of the questions below

1. Top 3 songs of 2023

Okay, so according to my Spotify wrapped here's my top 3 songs of 2023.

W.I.T.C.H by Devon Cole

Slither by Djo

I Hear a Symphony by Cody Fry.

2. Top 3 artists of 2023

Again, according to Spotify...

Counting Crows

Cody Fry

Green Day

3. Top 3 albums of 2023

Just based on what I've listened to I'm going to say...

Dookie - Green Day

August and Everything After - Counting Crows

Spirit Room - Michelle Branch

4. Top 3 movies of 2023

In no particular order...

Wonka

Barbie

Into The Spiderverse

5. Top 3 tv shows of 2023

Good Omens

Ghosts

Fall of the House of Usher

6. Top 3 books of 2023

The House on the Cerulean Sea

Once Upon A Broken Heart

Grimms Puppets

7. Top 3 youtubers of 2023

Erm... not a bit youtube kinda person, sorry.

8. Top 3 podcasts of 2023

Help I Sexted My Boss

Titting About

Jamali Maddix: Spooky Shit

9. Top 3 videogames of 2023

HOGWARTS LEGACY!

10. Top 3 celebrity crushes of 2023

Now, this one is tricky. Let me have a think...

Joe Kerry

Domhnall Gleeson

Bradley James

honourable mention to the lovely Ben Barnes.

11. Top 3 fictional crushes of 2023

Damn! Okay, purely based off which of my boys have been inspiring my writing this year...

Mycroft Holmes

Armitage Hux

Steve Harrington

12. Top 3 places you visited in 2023

Kos

Warner Bros Studios

London

13. Top 3 new things you tried in 2023

Joined a book club!

Took a course on SQL

The Shrek Experience

14. Top 3 things you were grateful for in 2023

My amazing kids and wonderful husband

My brilliant friends, IRL and here

My adorable dog

15. Top 3 things you are looking forward to in 2024

Leaving teaching

Writing

Going on holiday (destination tbc)

I'm gonna tag a few people, but feel free to jump in on this if you want to.

@iwillbeinmynest @princessmisery666 @imamotherfuckingstar-lord @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester

[sleeby-anon]

So I don’t know if what I feel is actual attraction. I may find someone, objectively, attractive, and think about it, but I don’t feel any of the telltale signs of a crush: no sweating, nervousness, elation, idk idk whatever they say a crush is supposed to be. It’s like I get the beginnings of a crush, but it never goes deeper than that. (I mean, I do stutter and get nervous, but that’s the social anxiety I do it with everyone). I can’t imagine myself doing anything romantic with any real people I meet. I do simp for fictional characters, though. heavily.

I remember having “crushes” as a child but I can no longer remember if it was actual attraction. My parents used to say that NO child has crushes, that it’s all a platonic fascination. Can’t have crushes before puberty, that was their idea.

I feel like there’s no real way of answering this without a professional I just wanted to know if this situation feels familiar.

the constant struggle of is it aspec????????? Or is it social anxiety???????

Hmmm, that is a tricky one. I can describe my experience with all of that and see if that helps anon.

When I was like 6/7 years old and people were discovering their crushes, I worried I was falling behind the curve. So I examined my first grade classroom and picked out a boy who was smart, funny, and not too bad on the eyes. (I claimed he was my one and only crush for 6 years without ever acting on it. If you don’t act on it—that probs a sign)

And yeah he was fun to hang around, we talked about Star Wars and minecraft and he showed me his world on pocket edition (back when nether reactors were still a thing)

But at the same time, if I really thought about it—being romantic with him—in real life—the answer was always like: “…I’ll pass actually.”

And while younger kids might say they have crushes —it might be because it’s them trying to figure out feelings and shit—but I can’t tell you if little kids actually get crushes or not.

When I was older I found people that were aesthetically pleasing to look at but their personalities were always kinda “meh.” So I wrote it off as “bland personality”

When I tried going out with a cute and sweet girl I had met—any time I thought about being romantic with her my stomach was nauseous and the inside of my skin felt like sandpaper rubbing against the rest of me. The only thing that seemed to soothe me was that we could be friends first—that’s normal for relationships right?

And I have anxiety—I know what that is like. And it took me a bit to recognize that my anxiety was coming from my identity as aroace—not because it was an irrational fear of getting close to people. (which I also have) it takes a bit of digging to uncover the source of why you are uncomfortable in that situation. Some questions that helped me get to the source were stuff like:

Is it moving too fast? Why does it feel like it’s moving too fast?

We have been talking for months now—why does thinking about them in that context make me uncomfortable?

What would be a reasonable timeline before I would feel comfortable dating? (For most normal circumstances If the answer is any longer then like 6 months is a sign)

And I simp for fictional characters too—(literally look at the amount of shit I write for characters based on one specific content creator I like) but I know that if I were ever actually in the positions with the situations I write about and fantasize in front of me? The way I would be uncomfortable is insane.

If you can’t imagine doing romantic stuff with people then I think that is a pretty good sign you may be on the spectrum.

Take life as it comes anon, and if you still don’t feel sure, I’d recommend finding other aroace a and learning from their experiences.

The sources I can recommend to you are Jaiden Animations (on YouTube) she has a whole video going in-depth about being aroace

I also would recommend getting your hands on Loveless by Alice Oseman (the creator of heartstopper) I cried while reading it it’s such a good explanation and experience of Aromanticsm.

Hope this helps lovely. Wishing you all the support and not-love your way 💚💚