#trial attorney anxiety

[remembertheplunge]

The Jury Is Out

"Do nothing because it is righteous or praiseworthy or noble to do so: do only that which you must do and which you cannot do in any other way."

Ursula K. Le Guin. Author

10/17/2006. 7:21am Tuesday

So, what if the jury decided Rogelio's case in the first 10 minutes. Guilty of Count One, First degree Murder? And, the rest of the time, they've been haggling out the the other co defendants and the others walk in some fashion? Will I shake like another defense lawyer I know did during the reading of the verdict in a recent trial? No.

Learn from the burn. Take the jabs you will get from other lawyers. Let it go. In all it's pain. In all it's not knowing anguish (the jury is out deliberating), it's a mere learning tool.

_____________________________________________________

a little after 3pm

Judge Lacy declares a mistrial. Both counts. My client said thank you to me and to the jury. The vote was 8 to 4 for guilty (8 guilty, 4 not guilty as to the Penal Code 245 Assault with a deadly weapon charge).

Around 12:40pm, Susan, a reporter, calls from the Modesto Bee "Why didn't the District Attorney settle this case?"

The jury never even got to the Penal Code 187 or I guess the gang issues.

excited exhaustion sets in.

No more work today.

Shut.

Sleepy easy.

End of this part of the entry

Note:

I represented a young man in a 4 co defendant First Degree gang Murder jury, trial. The trial ran from June 19, 2006 to October 17, 2006.

The jury was out deliberating for s 3 weeks before they announced that they could not reach a decision. The judge on the case,Judge Lacy, declared a mistrial.

The entries above describe the agonies and extasys the trial lawyer experiences before and after a jury either reaches a verdict of declares a mistrial.

In the 7:21am entry, I am preparing myself pre jury announcement of a mistrial of how I will handle a major defeat. The jury had been deliberating for weeks, but, we didn't know the reasons why.

The 3pm entry was written after the mistrial was declared. A huge relief set in. A mistrial in a criminal case is rare. About as rare as a not guilty verdict. So, it was considered by the legal community at the time to be a significant victory.

Eventually I plead my client out to a manslaughter for 14 years. he was young, so he would see the street again. Had he been convicted of First degree murder by the jury, under the laws at that time , 2006, he could have been sentenced to a minimum of 25 to life.

The 4 men were accused of being Surreno gang members who had kicked and hit a Norteno Gang member after he had been knocked to the ground. A 5th Surreno gang member had shot the Norteno to death while the other's kickrd him. The shooter then fled the country. He was not apprehended by the time that we went to trial in 2006.

[manyothermusingsofmine]

Made the mistake of thinking about the logistics of ace attorney but I came to the conclusion that like, ofcourse everyone is unhinged; you'd be unhinged too if your work expected you to solve murders and prevent people from being falsely imprisoned in the great, long timespan of 72 HOURS PER CASE.

[bioswear]

Also tell me why I had a sudden bout of extreme anxiety and paranoia around 9pm - 11pm last night 🫠 like I had the feeling of expecting someone or something to show up at my door

Like you know the scene in Prince of Egypt when the plague starts and the houses are all quiet and silent and there’s that wispy light of god that spreads through the streets - that’s what it felt like, if I had to pick a media analogy lol

Not to be some conspiracy theorist liberal hippie piece of shit but like… anyone else feeling like something is Off about the election tho

And before anyone who doesn’t have online media literacy goes “so yOu DoNt care that people JjuSt lost their rights” no I do bc I’m one of those people (proud triple minority), and I hate Trump and the American ChristoFascist plague that’s sweeping the nation and the deep rooted misogyny that American men hold for women and minorities. I very much care I’m also just coping lmao

But also something is wayyyyy too quiet about this election

[storiesofsvu]

Forced Hand

Casey Novak x reader warnings: language, regular SVU case details talked about/mentioned, anxiety attack. it's a hurt/comfort besties. A combination of requests that were relatively along the same lines so I put it together into one. Welcome back to the blog Ms Novak, we've missed you! If you don't want to miss a thing, sign up for the taglist here! If you like what you read, don't forget to reblog/comment and always feel free to send in your own requests! They're always open!

You worked homicide, you weren’t supposed to be in a courtroom like this, and you certainly weren’t supposed be on the losing side. Your squad had picked up a case that later appeared to be linked to a string of open cases over at SVU and your captains insisted on working together. A few extra sets of eyes were always a good thing, a fresh perspective on the situation, they said.

What they hadn’t been able to prep you for was the viciousness of the case, and the fact that three of the victims were still alive. The crime scenes had been brutal and you were honestly shocked that anyone had survived through it, you’d been rattled to your core to discover your victims were all girls under the age of twelve. Girls who you had to watch be treated for shock on top of their injuries before retraumatizing them all over again with questioning to get their full stories, children who you then had to spend hours prepping for the brutality of a trial like this.

You were typically good with kids; Casey knew that which was one of the reasons she’d chosen you along with Benson to help her prep everyone. She watched with pride as you were able to break things down from confusing legal terms to something the girls could understand, how soft you were with them, how cautious you were how well you worked with Olivia in reminding them how strong and brave they were for doing this, and that the bad guy couldn’t hurt them anymore.

She also watched how that strong, encouraging façade would drop the moment you stepped into your shared apartment, weariness and exhaustion taking over your features and you turned down dinner and attempted to wash the day away in a too hot shower. You’d eventually reappear a couple of hours later in a pair of sweats and her worn Harvard tee, silently cuddling up to her side on the couch and she’d pass off her glass of scotch for you to finish. She’d put her work away, wrapping it up neatly so you wouldn’t have to see any of the crime scene photos again, urging you to lean into her embrace, pressing soft kisses to your skin and the top of your head until your stomach would let out a growl you’d finally submit to ordering some take out. You never said a word about it, and Casey never once pried or poked around until you said something, she let you go about your day, happy when she would catch you smiling or laughing with someone and she would always make sure she was ready and available for extra cuddles and wordless encouragement. She knew you were struggling, but that you were also handling it, and doing so in your own way, the case was close enough to over that you’d be able to breathe freely again in a matter of days.

However things were looking bleaker and bleaker as the trial strung along. The girls were strong on the stand for Casey, answering properly, detailing what they needed to, not matter how hard it was. When Casey turned around to take her seat again she caught your eye in the gallery and felt her heart tug at the tears shimmering in your eyes and the pain written across your face. What she missed was that pain turning into absolute outrage as the defence attorney started their cross and tore into all three of the victims like he was the devil. He twisted things around, barked out questions too quickly, stepped too close to the witness box, doing everything he could to get at least one person on the jury to side with him. And every motion he made broke down those poor little girls and their families even more. And you right along with them.

Casey lost you at lunch, no clue where you had ran off to when you weren’t in her office when she got there. Still, she knew you’d be there for the verdict, so she grabbed an extra coffee on her way back, deciding to go in the side door to avoid the press. She jumped a puddle as she crossed the street, cursing that she’d left her umbrella in her office, thinking the rain was done for the day. Dodging rain drops she finally rounded the bend to the side door and found you leaning up against the wall, staring down at your feet until you heard her voice.

“It’s raining, you should be inside.” She commented.

“I’m fine.” You replied, and her eyes caught the movement of your hand, hiding it behind your back and she realized you’d snuck out for a smoke.

“Okay.” She stepped up to you, kissing your cheek softly, “don’t get too cold.” She passed off the coffee and you took it from her with a small smile.

“Thanks.”

Her finger curled under your chin so she could catch your eye, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You mustered up a small smile, letting her kiss you softly before she disappeared inside.

Finishing your smoke, you stubbed it out with your toe and took a heavy breath, the last thing in the world you wanted to do right now was go back into that courtroom. You didn’t want to know the outcome, wanted to walk away from this forever and pretend it never happened. But you knew that those families were depending on you and your squads to help get them through it, to be the backbone when the verdict was read and help them figure out what their next steps were. There was a reason you preferred homicide.

The surefire grin on the perp’s face was the first tell, how casually he was talking with his lawyer, the nearly awkward, slightly guilty look on the faces of half the jury was the second, the way Casey’s hand tightened around her pen as she chewed on her lip, her jaw tightening was the last. You felt the burning in your stomach start to creep up your throat, your hands shoved into your pockets so no one would see them shaking as the verdict was read.

“Not guilty on all counts.”

Your ears were ringing, you couldn’t hear yourself think much less the commotion in the courtroom, the scared and confused questions coming from the girls as their parents scrambled to try and figure out any kind of an answer. Your vision was nearly blurring and this time it wasn’t from the tears, everything about this was wrong, it was more than wrong and it was disgusting. Someone grabbed your hand and it was as if you had been clapped on the ears and you could suddenly hear the cries of the girl beside you, the terror written across her tiny features as she looked up at you for an answer. You barely heard yourself when you spoke,

“I’m so, so sorry.”

Your chest was suddenly tight, squeezing all the air out of your lungs as pictures from the case began to invade your brain, memories collaborating with imagination, making everything even worse. You weren’t entirely sure what was happening but you knew you couldn’t let it happen in this courtroom.

When Casey heard the door heavily drop shut she instantly knew it was you leaving and her heart dropped into her stomach. A glance over her shoulder confirmed her theories, catching Liv’s gaze with an incredibly apologetic look in her eyes, the brunette nodded, her way of saying ‘I know you did everything you could’ before her head tilted in the direction of the door. ‘I’ve got this, go get your girl.’ Casey didn’t even bother to give the defence the privilege of a glance as she packed up her things and slipped from the courtroom. Unsure on whether you would still be in the building or not she headed toward the side exit, knowing there was a fairly unused bathroom over there that was still close enough to the part you’d been in. She heard the flush of the toilet through the door, the sound of the tap running as she pushed it open, catching you rinsing out your mouth, splashing cold water over your face as you struggled to catch your breath.

You barely even noticed someone else in the bathroom with you, your vision still tunnelling and filled with gruesome, bloody images and the faces of those poor girls while they told their horrible stories. Wiping the water off your face you took a heaving breath, it still felt like there was a cinder block resting on your chest and as much as throwing up had helped, there was stomach acid creeping up your throat, making it burn even worse. Your brain started to race, remembering all the things you’d said alongside Olivia to the girls, encouraging them that it would all be okay, that you’d caught the bad guy, now you were going to put him away. That their nightmares would eventually stop, they wouldn’t have to be scared anymore because he would be in prison, the promises you’d made them, every single one of them turning out to be empty.

“Oh god….” It came out as a half choked sob and you turned toward the window, bracing your hands on the sill as the heavy cries started to spill from deep within you, tears beginning to stream down your cheeks.

“Hey…” Casey’s soft voice didn’t manage to break through your conscious, but you felt the welcomed coolness of her hand between your shoulder blades and you shuddered, “it’s not your fault.” Her hand began to rub slow circles, “you worked your ass off and did everything you could.”

You tried to form even a single word but you couldn’t find your voice, another choked sob escaping your lips as you started to hyperventilate, completely unable to get enough air into your lungs, feeling even more like you were drowning.

“Whoa, whoa…” Casey’s arms cautiously wrapped around you, “c’mere.” She pulled you flush to her, frowning at the feeling of your heart pounding against your ribs and just how hot your skin was to her touch.

You didn’t struggle, but you protested a little bit, your hands pushing against her arms until she grabbed your wrists in one of her hands, restraining you as she leant forward, pushing open the window as far as she could. You let out a cry, not wanting to be forced to be still but the sudden woosh of cold air was a refuge to your burning lungs and your breath shuddered as you finally collapsed against Casey. Your eyes finally cracked open, tears continuing to trail over your cheeks as the cool breeze ghosted over your skin. You could feel Casey’s heart strumming against your back, slow and steady, a stark difference to yours pounding in your chest, her breath was cool on the side of your neck, breathing calm and even. Her chest rising and lowering slowly, and you were able to slowly match her breathing, calming yourself down and you felt like you could finally breathe again, sniffling as you relaxed in her arms.

“I’m sorry…” you finally whimpered.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” She murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of your head, “you did your job.”

“I’m not strong enough.” You admitted with another soft cry, finally letting yourself turn around when Casey stepped away to grab a tissue. You took it from her but dropped against the wall, staring down at your shoes. “I can’t do this. I’m not good enough for it, I disappointed so many people today. I’m a complete failure.”

Casey’s hand found your cheek, wiping away your tears as she stepped back toward you, “you’ve been completely out of your comfort zone for almost a month, there’s nothing wrong with that, but you are not a failure.”

You dared a glance up at her, unsurprised at the complete empathetic expression on her face, “how do you do this every day?”

“You wouldn’t believe the amount of times I’ve cried in my office.”

“Case…” Your voice softened as the tears finally came to a stop.

“I know how incredibly hard sex crimes is, I didn’t want to be bringing that home to you every day.” She leant in, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, “you see enough brutalization over at homicide, I don’t need you getting SVU’s baggage too.”

“I am never going to forget the look on that girl’s face….” You were almost talking to yourself, staring off into the distance and Casey’s thumb and forefinger curled around your chin, redirecting your gaze to her face.

“You will.” She assured, “and it is because you are strong, and you are strong enough. Do you know how I know why?” You shook your head, “because I see the cases that you bring home, the trials you’ve sat through, the amount of times you’ve taken down a perp, dismantled a defence attorney during a cross. You’re not used to living victims, and that is completely okay. Days like today will absolutely rip you to shreds and make you think that you aren’t cut out for it, but you’re going to wipe these tears, keep that pretty little chin up and come out even stronger on the other side. Okay?”

You nodded meekly, trying to hold back any remaining tears as Casey wrapped her arms tightly around you, tucking you into the crook of her shoulder as you finally relaxed into the embrace. She held you for as long as you needed, leaving tender kisses on the top of your hair and your temple, hands soothingly rubbing up and down your back.

“You’re incredible baby, don’t even forget that.” She murmured, “you were forced to try your hand at a new thing and now we know it’s not for you. You’re still an incredible rockstar when it comes to homicide and come Monday that’s what you get to go back to doing. Promise me you won’t let this drag you down too long?”

She pulled away from the hug, her hand brushing a piece of your mussed up hair behind your ear before caressing down the side of your cheek and she left a kiss on the tip of your nose, waiting for a response. You took a breath, finally feeling calmed down enough to feel human again when you finally looked up at her.

“Only if you promise to not keep everything bottled up and to yourself anymore.” You offered and her brow furrowed, “I know you Casey, you wear your heart on your sleeve, someone like you, doing something like this every day? That can’t be easy, I don’t need to know all the details but I don’t want you doing it alone. You shouldn’t have to cry alone in your office when you can come home and cry over a pint of ice cream with some extra cuddles.”

“Okay.” Casey let out a tiny laugh, her lips curving up into a grin, a warmth soothing through her at the sight of smile finally on your cheeks. “You’ve got yourself a deal.” Her arm wound around your shoulders, “now how about we get out of here? A pint of ice cream sounds pretty fucking good right now.”

“And pizza?” You asked, looking up at her with a pout and puppy dog eyes and she chuckled again, kissing the tip of your nose.

“The perfect combo. But that doesn’t answer what Disney movie we’re going to watch to forget about today.”

“Mmm…” you tugged your lip into your mouth as you thought, “Emperors New Groove?”

“That… sounds amazing.” She smiled at you, “you ready to go home?”

“Yeah.” You replied with a soft sigh, leaning into her side for a moment before her hand trailed down your arm, linking your fingers with her own and you were finally ready to leave the bathroom. “Casey?”

“Yeah baby?” She glanced back at you, nothing but adoration pouring from her eyes.

“Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you to the moon and back.”

____________

@bisexualcrowley @red1culous @imlike-so-gaydude @wannabe-fic-reader @altsvu @disneyfan624 @svulife-rl @svushots @mysticfalls01 @bumblebear30 @solemnnova @infernumlilith @australiancarisi @cerberus-spectre @emskisworld @thestarrynightslover @lawandorderuswnt @ex-uallyactive @hbkpop @samwithnoplan @multifandomlesbianic @narvaldetierra @dxtery @poisonedcrowns @a-little-bit-of-this-and-that @clarawatson @mickey-gomez @momlifebehard @yeeterthek33per @brooklynmhm @alexxavicry @daddy-heather-dunbar @7thavenger @augustvandyne @msvenablesbitch @happenstnces @valentinesfrog @geekyandgay98 @onmykneesformarvel @desperate-gay @riveramorylunar @irishavengersassemble @kmc1989 @holycrapraewth @noahrex @temp0rary-bliss @wittygutsy @chimnlex @nilaues @borinxnovak

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Reckoner: Final Part

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.3k

Summary: Your world is turned upside down when you get in trouble for something you didn't even do. The entire team is in uproar over this but Hotch says he will take care of it. Can he? Or are you doomed to live out the rest of your days in misery?

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them.

x

Thankfully, the team has the current case to keep them occupied so they don't think about you, but Spencer doesn't have that outlet. He's stuck in Penelope's office forced to think about you, what you might be going through, how you must be feeling, and how he can't do anything about it. He's bouncing his leg up and down rapidly because his anxiety is spiking. He would bite his nails if they hadn't already been bitten down to the nub.

"Spence, why don't you take a walk? I'm sure it'll do good to clear your head," Penelope suggests.

"No, thanks."

She sighs and turns back to the computer screens before calling Rossi. She's been working hard on her end to try and figure out who The Planner is.

"What do you have?" Rossi answers.

"I've concentrated on the last three cases because they left the freshest e-prints. However, over a hundred thousand cases pass through the Long Island Court."

"Who had eyes on the files?"

"Literally hundreds of people."

"Change track. Focus on The Enforcer. Look at mob-related murder trials on Long Island over the last ten years. We're looking for a hitman."

Penelope types quickly and comes up with a shorter list, albeit still long.

"There are over ninety-three mob trials in the last ten years."

"Put aside any trials that resulted in a conviction. Weed out mistrials and arraignments."

"Nineteen."

"Were any of those on trial suspected of being hitmen or enforcers?"

"Three, but I got something else here. Tony Mecacci's case was judged a mistrial but check out his suspected victim."

She sends over the file immediately so they can look it over. His victims are the same as the team's current victims. All were shot in the same style as the ones on the file.

".22 caliber, right?"

"Bulls-eye."

"Cross-match our profile of The Planner against all those connected with this trial."

Penelope continues to type as she speaks.

"Let's see here. We have prosecuting lawyer Garret Daniels, Judge Boyd Schuller, criminal defense lawyer Paul--"

"Wait, did you say Judge Shuller?" Rossi cuts her off.

"Yeah, I'm sending over a photo."

Rossi waits for the photo to come through so he can confirm whether or not he knows this person. He does.

"What's wrong?" Hotch asks. "Do you know him?"

"No, but I knew his wife. Two years ago, she was driving home from work and was killed by a drunk driver."

"That could be the tragedy."

"She was the love of his life, that's for sure."

Penelope digs into the Judge's life to see what kind of dirty secrets he has.

"Twelve months ago, Judge Shuller took a leave of absence due to health issues. He was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He has six months to live. That's when the killings started."

"You don't seriously think Judge--"

"Judge Schuller is the planner. Yes, I do," Rossi cuts off the detective. "It fits the profile, and Tony Mecacci is most likely Bosola the Enforcer. What have you got on Bosola?"

"He went off the grid after his last trial," Penelope answers.

"JJ put out a statewide APB and release Mecacci's photo to the media," Hotch orders, and she leaves to do it.

"Judge Schuller's a highly-respected man. We can't just walk in there and accuse him of serial murder."

"Then I'll go to the attorney general and petition the Chief Justice if I have to."

Rossi looks behind Hotch to see Judge Schuller walk right into the police station as if he knew the team was talking about him.

"Maybe not."

"I believe you're looking for me," the Judge says.

Judge Schuller is taken to an interrogation room to be questioned by Rossi and Derek.

"You know we have to advise you of your rights," Derek says and sits across from him.

"I waive my constitutional rights against self-incrimination."

"When you walked in here, you said, 'I believe you're looking for me'."

"Yes."

"Your timing was impeccable, but how could you know that?"

"I knew it wouldn't take you long to find me. Not after what I've left behind."

"So, you don't deny any of this?" Derek asks.

"Why would I? What you see as a crime, I see as justice."

"Ray Finnegan was a friend of mine," Rossi glares.

"Ray Finnegan was a criminal. You should choose your friends more wisely."

"It must have really thrown you when Ray showed up at Emma's funeral."

This pisses Judge Schuller off, and he slams his hands angrily onto the table.

"How do you know about my wife?"

"You have absolutely no idea who I am, do you?"

Ray told Rossi that everyone only meets Bosola once. That means Judge Schuller had to have given Bosola a list of names. He would never have to meet him again, just to make final payments on proof of death which he can send electronically. If anyone can get into Schuller's personal files and financial record, it would be Penelope. She has to do it quickly before everything gets shut down.

Detective Gill made a call to Schuller's office a few hours ago and told them they had two suspects, which means he knows what the police know. Schuller knows the FBI is onto him, which means he didn't come here for a confession. He has a list, and there is more to come.

He came here to stall.

"Can we just get on with what I came here for?" Judge Schuller sighs.

"Why? So Bosola can go on and carry on whatever it is you asked him to do? No. You call him and you end this," Derek says.

"Even if I could, I wouldn't."

"She was born Emma Louise Taylor on the 4th of July, 1958," Rossi reminisces.

"You could get that from anywhere," Schuller glares at Rossi.

"When she was six, her dad bought her a black and white homeless kitten."

"No, if she knew you, she would have told me."

"She named it Oscar," Rossi continues, "after Oscar Wilde. Out of all of Oscar's work, she loved an ideal husband the most."

The judge is getting angrier by the minute the longer Rossi talks about his wife.

"I don't know how you know all of this about Emma or what you hope to achieve, but we're done. You know the charges. Charge me."

"Is that what started all this insanity? Emma's death?"

"What started all of this was the thirty-five years I had to sit and watch as the system I swore an oath to protect failed the very people our justice system was meant to protect!"

"I wonder what Emma would make of all this."

"Every single person on that list deserves justice, and it's justice they managed to evade," Schuller shouts.

"So, you do have a list?" Rossi smirks.

"I'm finished talking."

Rossi and Derek continue to work over Judge Schuller while Emily is in another room talking to Penelope over video chat. Spencer isn't in the room because she managed to convince him to take a lap or two around the building to clear his head or try to.

"Hey, where's Spence? How is he doing?" Emily asks when she notices the lack of Spencer's presence.

"He's not doing too good. He doesn't have the hands-on work like you guys have to keep him distracted. It's killing him knowing Y/N's in jail for something she didn't do."

"Yeah, I know. It's hard on us, too. We don't talk about it but I know we're all thinking about it. Hotch will fix it once we're back, I know it."

"Yeah, me too."

"So, what did you find out about Judge Schuller?"

"We've got loads of two-way traffic going on, which means someone is trying to bounce us out."

"Okay, Bosola doesn't come cheap, so Judge Schuller had to have made some pretty substantial transactions."

"I've got wire transfers to a Cayman Island bank, and that's where the trace ends."

"How many and how much?"

"In June, he debits numerations of nine thousand, nine hundred, and ninety-nine dollars every few days four separate times. Then, he takes a break for a few weeks until he makes his final transaction for the same magic number. Anything less than ten thousand dollars keeps the IRS off your trail."

"So, the final payment must be for proof of death. That makes fifty-thousand dollars the price of a kill."

"He did that three times over a period of twelve months, but two days ago, he raised his account for a hundred thousand dollars all in one hit. He also closed all his accounts and handed his entire estate over to a victim's support group." Penelope gasps in shock and groans in frustration. "Someone who isn't suffering from too many brainiacs in the high-tech kitchen just bounced us out."

"Good job," Emily praises and hangs up. She returns to Hotch to tell him her findings. "If our calculations are correct, there are two more names on that list."

"There are."

Hotch replays the footage from the interrogation from when Emily was on the phone with Penelope.

"Every single person on that list deserves justice," Judge Schuller says and looks at his watch yet again.

"He said deserves, not deserved. Look right there. He looks at his watch for the second time. Whatever he's waiting for is about to happen."

"I don't think you knew Emma at all," Rossi continues to antagonize him. "At least not the one I knew. I made an excuse for myself that I wouldn't be welcome at her funeral. The truth is, I couldn't face it."

"You knowing Emma changes nothing."

"Oh, but it does. Emma changed the lives of everyone she knew, but at least Ray and I saw her death for what it truly was--a tragic accident."

"Dan Patton was drunk. He murdered Emma as surely as if he put a gun to her head!" Judge Schuller yells.

"Is that why his photo's not here? You're saving the best for last? How many other people have you targeted? I want the truth."

"I have nothing more to say."

"I do. I ran into Emma a few years ago at a hotel in Manhattan. I was working on a case and so was she. I knew she was married, but I didn't care."

Judge Schuller knows what Rossi is implying and he refuses to accept that his wife was cheating on him.

"No, she wouldn't... Emma would not do that to me. You're lying."

"Am I?"

"I want the truth."

"You first."

The Judge sighs knowing he's cornered and decides to give it up.

"Dan Patton is the last one. There are no more. Now, tell me the truth."

"That night in Manhattan, she told me our connection was so strong that it could never happen only once, and I was fine with that."

Rossi leaves with a smirk on his face, and the judge is shocked. He shakes his head and looks at Derek who is still seated.

"At least you now know what kind of man you're working with."

"What kind of man are you?"

"I've had enough of seeing the guilty walk free of their sins."

"What about your sins?"

"I got cancer for mine."

Emily, Hotch, and Detective Gil went to Dan's apartment after checking the police department he works for. Turns out Bosola got to him before the FBI could. They found him with two bullet holes, one in the heart and one in the head, but also beaten to death. Bosola is nowhere to be found because he killed him and left immediately after like a professional hitman.

There's no way Bosola is getting off Long Island since the FBI has all ports, roads, and airports guarded to make sure he doesn't get away. Judge Schuller is being moved somewhere safer because he is a high-court judge, which makes this a federal case now. The FBI is taking over this one before more people get killed. If Dan is dead, then the judge's list is complete.

However, something isn't adding up.

The Judge gave away his entire estate and all his money, and he closed out his accounts and paid off his utility bills. He has cancer but he has six months left to live. Why would he pay off his bills now and give away everything he owns? Not to mention the one hundred thousand dollar payment for not one but two more kills. If Dan was killed, then there should be one more.

Usually, the judge waits for confirmation of death before sending the payment, but he knew he wasn't going to be around to see this last proof of death. He sent everything over because he was not making it ten feet out of the police station.

Bosola has one more kill to make before moving on to another client, and it's Judge Schuller himself. With a crowd of reporters and a bunch of bystanders, it's easy for him to blend into the crowd. He managed to shoot Schuller in the heart and escape without anyone seeing him.

Case closed. With that major distraction out of the way, everyone is now focused on you and your situation. No one has said a word or talked about it since Hotch arrived in Long Island, but he's been making calls since getting on the plane to figure out what he can do to help you out.

The first person to get back to him is the lawyer that your dad snagged for you. He got ahold of his contact information and asked nicely to be let into the loop since he is your boss.

"Steven? Did you hear anything?" Everyone knows what Hotch is talking about so they stop what they're doing and listen to his side of the conversation. Hotch looks visibly upset which isn't a good sign. "Are you sure? ... There's nothing you can do for her? ... What about bail? ... Is there anything I can do? ... Okay. I appreciate you calling me. Thanks."

"What did he say?" Derek is the first to ask.

Hotch looks down and tries to keep the anger and frustration off his face as much as he can. When he feels he's neutral, he looks up and addresses the team.

"Y/N is being transferred to Virginia Correctional Center for Women in Goochland awaiting trial and bail. He said they have everything they need to convict her, and it's not looking good. Whoever did this really wants her to suffer for it."

Everyone is sent into silence because no one can believe this.

"I have always found that mercy bears richer fruit than strict justice." - Abraham Lincoln

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[ghxstlly]

The New Attorney

488 words, Attorney AU

The first time Mr. Poole and Mr. Becker met Ms. Riggsby (Anxiety) c:

—

“...—Your Honor— s—sorry, motion to recess?” Stiffening, feeling the eyes of Mr. Becker, the jury, everyone suddenly on him, Mr. Poole stood up from the counsel table, smoothing his hands over his jacket. “The Defense would like a short break before we continue.”

“...Mr. Poole,” The judge said after a long pause, looking sternly at him over her glasses. “With all due respect, your partner is in the middle of a line of questioning.”

“Ah— yes, I know, Your Honor. But, uhm, the Plaintiff is… having difficulty, and I would like to give her the chance to collect herself before we proceed with the cross examination, if that’s alright.”

At that, across the room, frazzled, shaking, Ms. Riggsby shrunk down in her chair, her gaze darting to Poole, eyes vaguely shiny with unshed tears.

“Fred— what the Hell are you doing?” Poole heard Becker mutter to him under his breath and ignored him, glancing between Riggsby and the judge, who studied the agitated orange attorney for what felt like forever before sighing deeply, her frown falling into a look of resignation.

“Fine. We’ll resume in fifteen minutes.”

“Thank you, Your Honor,” Poole said almost distractedly, watching as Riggsby bolted through the courtroom doors at almost the precise instant the judge’s gavel struck the block.

It was a strangely familiar sight, stirring something in him that he couldn’t name as the room erupted into whispering and Becker approached him, his frustrated glare darting between the doors and his husband’s transfixed face.

“You wanna explain yourself?” The short attorney huffed, his hands balled into fists at his sides. “I had the witness right where I wanted ‘em!”

“You need to cool down a little— you’re freaking her out.” Poole shot back after a little pause, turning to him with an unimpressed frown and crossing his arms. “She should have objected to you like six times.”

“I— what?” Becker barked, his eyes widening a fraction. “Why should I care if I’m freaking her out?”

“Because, Ira, this is obviously her first trial and I think you’re being excessively severe.” 

“Excessively severe? Jesus, Fred, last I checked, this was a courtroom, not a daycare.”

“Oh, knock it off.” Rolling his eyes, Poole glanced back to the courtroom doors, his frown softening a little. “I was like that once, too, you know. Try being compassionate for once.”

“It’s not our job to be compassionate.” Becker grumbled, following Poole’s gaze and nearly groaning aloud. “So what if our opposition is squirrelly and can’t handle being cross-examined? That just means our client is better at picking legal representation than hers is.”

“Okay— you’re being a real jerk, you know that?” Stepping past his husband with a huff, Poole found himself moving to leave without a second thought.

“Oh, come on, where are you going?” Becker called after him, raising his hands in an exasperated gesture when Poole’s reply came.

“I’m gonna go talk to her.”

[cissyenthusiast010155]

My Guardian Angel ~Broken!Rita Calhoun xFem Younger!Investigator!Reader (Liz Donnelly x Alex Cabot) feat. Rafael Barba & Olivia Benson

Summary— AU where Rita has an abusive husband, and one night, after he storms out, Rita calls Reader. Reader brings Rita to the person who helped her with her own haunted past, Elizabeth Donnelly. Alex, Barba, and Liv makes appearances. What does the night have in store for Rita and Reader…?

Mommy… Master List

Requests & Prompt-List

Warnings: angst, a little fluff, dead dove: do not eat, implied abuse, implied sexual assault, implied abusive husband, comforting, crying, alcohol consumption, anxiety attacks, a little self destructive behavior, mentions to prostitution, SVU things, Elizabeth Donnelly, Alex Cabot, Rafael Barba, Olivia Benson, Liz and Alex are a bit of a power couple, gray ending, etc.

Enjoy (;

You didn’t know Rita Calhoun well. At least not originally. From the moment you did meet, you both couldn’t deny the connection between the two of you. You had always lived in coinciding worlds, she was a New York defense attorney, and you were an investigator for 1PP, occasionally lended out to SVU.

Originally, she was the lawyer whom you had hired for your idiot of a brother when he had been caught and charged with soliciting a prostitute. You had met with the high class woman on a couple of occasions, to discuss your brothers bail, probation, trial, payment, and anything else pertaining to his case.

You saw yourself intrigued by her elegant manner, high end fashion, and confidence. Soon you saw yourself get hooked to the tiny smiles and chuckles you managed to pull from her when in private. You found yourself fighting to make the woman laugh as much as you could, her laugh always seemed to make your day. And during the trial, your eyes were on her the entire time. You lived off those days outfits that Rita would strut into court in.

So when you checked your phone late Friday night, the last thing you expected to see what a very many handfuls of missed calls from Rita Calhoun. You saw that she had left a voicemail in the last call, so you pressed play.

“Heyyyy Y/N… S-sorry to be bothering you so I know it’s^^late… I… I just… I don’t know what to do, call me back k bye”

It was Rita alright, but something was very wrong. She had been stammering and hiccuping throughout the entire voicemail, and had broken into sobs by the end. She sounded like she’d been crying and drinking for far too long… Her sounds triggered memories of your own life, memories that you had gone to great lengths to bury.

You immediately called the woman back. The dial rang for a couple tones, then it shut off. You hit call again. The second time, she picked up. You heard a sniffle and then a choke sob.

“H-hey…” she practically whispered.

“Rita, Hi, is everything alright?”

“I…” She stammered, before the call went silent.

“Rita?” You asked, your concern growing.

“N-no” She whispered, then letting out another choked sob.

You took a deep breath and your instincts kicked in once more. You got Rita to give you her address and told her that you would be over as soon as possible. That night you broke the made the most traffic violations in your entire life.

You entered the house, the front door having been unlocked which was mildly concerning to you. You walked through the lavish, lofty apartment, until you found Rita curled up facing away from you in the living room on the floor with a full bottle of wine in her hand. Your heart sank and a lump came into your throat. You hated how normal and used to this sight you were. Because not too long ago, this had been you…

You dropped to the floor, immediately going to comfort the woman. You carefully removed the alcohol, setting it aside. Rita let out a choke sob, immediately curling up into your lap. As she turned to face you, you saw the massive black eye that she had. Your eyes scanned her entire body, finding more red, raw skin marks along her arms and some blue bruising on her neck. Your heart nearly broke as Rita sobbed into your lap.

“I—im s-sorry… I didn’t-didn’t know who t-to call…! It’s it’s stupid, nothing really—” Rita choked out, muffled as she cried into your chest.

You knew this behavior. You knew it all too well.

“Hey hey, it’s okay. I’m here Rita… It’s all going to be okay. Can I touch you, honey…? Would that be alright…?” You very gently asked the woman, coming a little closer to her, trying to show that you were no threat.

Rita nodded as her cries were muffled by her face being in the crook of your neck. She clung onto you like her life depended on it.

“Ok, good… you are doing so good for me, Rita. Take some deep breaths for me? Can you try to do that?” You comforted the woman, bringing your hands around to hold the woman in your lap.

You could hear Rita trying to take some deep breaths as she nodded, although her hiccups made it more difficult.

“Good, very good, Rita.” You praised, then bringing your hands to cup the woman’s cheeks and direct her scattered gaze to you.

“Now Rita this is important… I need you to come back to me and think, okay?”

A slow nod.

“Is he going to come back anytime soon…?” You softly asked.

Rita’s eyes widened and she began to panic at your question. Your hold on the woman only tightened and you insisted on her answer.

“I know you don’t want to think about it, but I need to know if you’re safe staying here Rita.” You explained firmly yet lovingly.

Rita took some more deep breaths before stammering,

“I… he he’s gone out… drinking…” she gulped, “Be back late…”

Her eyes were red and glossy, and they only panicked more at the idea of her husband returning. You rubbed her back and caressed her check in comfort.

“Ok. We need to get you to a hospital, Rita…” you gently said, knowing the possible outlast that your words might cause.

Rita practically jumped out of your lap and was quick to stand up and start pacing in the living room. Her fingers were red and raw and fidgeting. Her gaze scattered everywhere. You slowly stood up and tried to corner the woman into your embrace.

“No no no hospitals… hospitals means cops and that means court and no no—” Rita rambled, her thoughts spiraling more and more.

You grabbed the woman’s hands, clasping them in your own to ground the woman. Her sobbing gaze finally met yours once more.

“Okay. That’s okay. Rita, listen to me, is there anywhere you can go to stay for the time being…?” You softly asked.

Rita’s lip began to tremble and her knees buckled, her body falling into yours. Luckily, you managed to gently catch and carry the weight of the woman while she regained partial strength.

“N-not RAF—Rafael… he can’t know, no no no one…” Rita choked out in gasps.

When she wasn’t able to come up with any other options, your mind went to the person who had helped you.

“Okay okay, that’s okay, Rita. How about Elizabeth? You know Judge Donnelly? She’s a close friend and I know she can help…” you spoke with understanding and reassurance.

Rita looked up to you from collapsing in your arms and nodded slowly. But her eyes told you that she had sunken too far into her thoughts, that you would have to start making the decisions in her best interest until she came back to you.

You gently placed Rita back on the couch, quickly going to the kitchen to grab her a water, while you then ran around the place, trying to pack her a weekend back. After about 15 minutes, you had the bag in hand and you were leading the woman out of the house and into a cab. The entire cab ride, Rita was snuffling and silently sobbing in your shoulder.

Once you reached Liz’s brownstone, you violently knocked on the door, Rita protected being you and holding your hand. The door flew open but it wasn’t Liz, it was a blonde. Your eyes went wide and you gulped, suddenly regretting not having double checked with Liz beforehand.

“You’re Y/N, right…? I’m Alex.” The tall blonde spoke slowly yet confidently.

“Yes, um is Liz home?” You said, quickly getting to the point while trying to hide Rita behind you to the best of your ability.

But Liz had told you about Alex, she was sharp, didn’t miss a thing.

“Yea, she’s in the kitchen… Is that Calhoun…?” Alex hummed, leaning against the doorway.

You took a deep breath and brought Rita to stand next to you. Alex’s jaw dropped and she took a step back in shock.

“I just… we needed a safe place to go for the night and Liz always said her door was always open and I’m sorry if we intruded, I just can’t handle this, I mean I know Liz can handle it, and so I thought—” you rambled.

Before you could say another word, the blonde was pulling you and Rita into the brownstone, closing the door behind her and marching straight up to Liz in the kitchen.

“Is that our take-out, bunny…?” Liz hummed, while sipping some wine before her gaze met yours and then Rita’s disheveled state.

“Oh my god.” Liz immediately put her glass doing and rushed over to Rita, her hands wandering all over the woman, her gaze scouring the woman’s injuries, “Rita, Darling, what happened…??”

Rita’s lip trembled before more violent sobs came out. No coherent words were possible for the woman at this point, all she could do was embrace Liz and sob into her chest. Liz happily consoled the poor woman before her gaze meet yours along with the go bag.

“I’m sorry…” you mouthed, referring to breaking up her and Alex’s obvious night together.

“Hush now, you did the right thing, take Rita’s things to the first bedroom on the second floor.” Liz told you, waving off your unneeded apology.

You immediately nodded and went to go up the stairs. Then Luz turned to Alex.

“Go run a bath, warm not too hot.” Liz spoke firmly.

Alex was off to the master bathroom after a quick nod. When you both returned, you found Rita clung around Liz like a Koala, clinging on for dear life and continuing to sob in her chest. The sight brought flashbacks of the night you had stumbled up on Liz’s doorstep, in an eerily same condition as Rita…

Liz soothed Rita while guiding her to the master bathroom. The older blonde sent you a comforting gaze with a nod, telling you that she had it. You placed a hand on your heart and took a shattered breath, nodding slowly.

It was then that you noticed Alex coming up beside you. You turned your head to her slightly.

“I… I just didn’t know where else to go… I’m sorry if I ruined your night…” you breathed out.

Alex brought a hand to your shoulder and reassuringly squeezed your skin lightly. Her eyes twinkled with sympathy and care.

“Hey, it’s okay. You made the right call. And hey, I’m glad to finally meet you.” Alex sighed, “Can I get you anything…?”

You nodded and then sighed yourself.

“Tea maybe…? Or fuck some scotch now that I think about it…”

A deep chuckle reverberated throughout Alex’s chest as she nodded in agreement, going to the kitchen and pulling a bottle out of the liquor cabinet. She poured two glasses and handed you one of them.

“Thanks” you muttered.

Alex hummed an of course in response, before going to sit down in the classy living room. You sat across from her, sipping your scotch lightly. The blonde looked you dead in the eye, as she sighed.

“Liz told me a bit about you and that night.”

You gulped and struggled to maintain the intense eye contact. You knew that Liz and Alex were close, really close, however it still was hard to reconcile another person knowing something so vulnerable about you. But if Liz trusted Alex with it, so did you.

“Yea… I was and am still so grateful to Lizzie for all that she did for me…” you confessed.

“Lizzie…?” Alex chuckled dryly with a cock of an eyebrow.

“Yea…” you breathily chuckled, “Her and my dad worked together…”

Alex smiled lightly in understanding, nodding along, waving her hand in the air and prompting you to continue, knowing from what Liz had said that that wasn’t the whole story.

“Yeah they were colleagues, and so I saw Lizzie at events and she’d been at my childhood home a couple times… I’d always been pretty independent, both my parents working all the time, and me being the oldest led to me getting used to being on my own. And then my parents divorced, and I got even more alone…” you sighed.

Another wave of sympathy washed over Alex’s face, as she sipped her scotch and listened intently.

“I’m sorry. I definitely know the pains of divorced parents…” Alex sighed.

You smiled lightly and nodded, before continuing you tawdry tale,

“Anyways, Lizzie was one of the only people who reached out to me, to y’know check on me and stuff. She’s always been in my corner, and she’s practically filled the role of a mother ever since the divorce…” you spoke out softly.

You could tell that Alex knew most of this, and that she was waiting for the part about how this all connected to Rita, so you cut to the chase.

“Anyways, about two years ago, I meet and started to see this guy… Looking back, he was a lot like my father, and I should have recognized the warning signs earlier… But I didn’t. And I let it go on for an entire year… Until…” you sucked in a breath, “I wound up on Lizzie’s doorstep, heart broken and bruised…”

You saw Alex’s audible gulp at your last sentence. You saw how her hand tightly clutched her glass, her knuckles almost white. With a deep breath, she nodded and prompted you to continue with her hand once more.

“Anywho, Lizzie helped me get my shit together and throw him out of my place and my life. I��d taken his abuse for a whole year, and I’m still recovering to this day from the number he did on me…” You concluded your story.

Alex then stood up and came to sit next to you on the couch you inhabited. Her hand came to squeeze your shoulder reassuringly.

“I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of that…” Alex sighed, “I hear you, recovery takes time.”

You took a breathy, deep breath with a shaky nod, all the memories of your past coming up as you talked about it all. But her touch was soothing. It was then that Liz emerged from the hallway and came into the living room with a sigh. The older woman sat down next to you, a hand running up and down your thigh in reassurance.

“She’s okay, Rita is going to be fine.” Liz hummed, before stealing your glass of scotch and sipping away at it.

You didn’t mind the cheeky gesture, lord knows she needed the relaxation, merely humming and nodding in response.

“She’s in the bath, and she’s asking for you…” Liz spoke once more.

You sucked in a breath and nodded, starting to stand up. As you went to leave and find Rita in the master bath, you turned back towards Liz and Alex, who were now snuggling lovingly on the couch.

“Thank you Lizzie… Really, thank you.” You breathed out shakily.

Liz met your gaze, her eyes filled with love and care, and the older woman nodded.

“Anytime, sweetheart.”

You nodded lightly with a small smile, before turning around and making your way to find Rita. By the time you reached the bath, you found Rita passed out in the warm water, snoring lightly and peacefully. You noted how graceful and content Rita looked asleep. Coming up to the tub, you sat down next to the rim, and proceeded to tuck a stray hair behind Rita’s ear.

She must be exhausted… you thought. And your suspicions were confirmed as the woman continued to sleep until the water in the tub threatened to go cold. It was then that you gently nudged the brunette out from her slumber. She snorted lightly as her eyes fluttered open. Her gaze still looked shattered and sad, and her lip was still lightly trembling.

“Fuck I’m mm sorry, I must have fallen asleep—” Rita rambled in a quiet mumble.

“Hush, none of that. It’s completely alright…” you comforted the woman, raising your hand for her to stop.

Rita shut her mouth and blushed a little, then shivering in the now cold bath water.

“Thanks…” she whispered.

“Of course. Now let’s get you out and into something warm…” you hummed, grabbing a fluffy towel from the bathroom cabinet and then reaching your hand out towards Rita.

Rita happily took your hand, then climbing out of the tub, then you proceeded to wrap the woman up in the warm towel.

“M-my clothes…” Rita murmured, looking to the ground as fear lurched in the pit of her stomache at the idea of having to wear her bloodied clothing.

You gently rubbed her towel wrapped shoulders with a light smile.

“I grabbed some things before we left your place, the bag is on the toilet. It will have to do for now, until we figure out what to do…” you cooed caringly.

Rita blushed lightly and muttered a thank you. You told her it’s was the least that you could do, before giving her a kiss on the forehead and leaving her in the bathroom to go through the bag and change.

As you exited the room and walked back into the living room, you found Liz and Alex right where you had left them, with Alex curled up in Liz’s arms. Liz’s head popped up from her gaze on Alex back to you as you came into the living room and took a seat on an opposing couch, with a pondering look on your face.

“I know that look…” Liz hummed cheekily, taking another sip of your scotch, “What’s on your mind, kiddo?”

You bit your lip, pulling out your phone, before looking over to Liz.

“I was thinking about maybe calling Barba…” you mused aloud, your mind questioning on what to do next.

At this, Alex perked up to. Liz’s eyes widened and her expression was a knowing one, one that quickly understood your line of thought.

“I see… What did Rita say?” Liz hummed, placing the scotch back on the table and much to Alex’s delight starting to massage the young blonde’s shoulders.

You looked away from Liz at her words, and back to your phone.

“When I asked where she could go, she said not Rafael… I know that their friends, she’s mentioned him before… But he could help…” you sighed, inwardly conflicted.

Liz sighed at your admission. And she seemed to be in deep thought for a moment before she spoke,

“When you came to me, did I call anyone…?” The older woman asked you.

You bit your lip and sighed.

“No…”

“Exactly. Even though I wanted to… Probably would have called Liv, but I didn’t. Because you didn’t want me to.” Liz spoke,

You once again looked to the ground instead of meeting the older woman’s gaze.

“I’m not saying that Barba is a bad idea…” she slowly explained, “I think that it would be best if we ask Rita first.”

“Ask me what?” Rita’s timid voice echoed through the expansive living room and kitchen.

All three of your heads swiveled with extreme speed to the end of the hallway where the brunette stood. She padded her way through part of the kitchen and then into the living room. You immediately scooted over and lightly waved her over to come and sit. Rita did exactly that before repeating her question, more vocal this time.

“What did you want to ask me first?” The woman spoke.

Liz and Alex immediately eyed you, quirking their eyebrows and very clearly telling you that since this was your idea, you were the one who was going to say something. You gulped, turning your body more towards the group. Your gaze met Rita’s and you reached your hands out to grasp her left available hand and reassuringly squeeze it.

“I… We were talking about maybe calling Liv… or Barba…” you shakily breathed out, squeezing her hand lovingly while speaking to comfort the woman.

The same panic from earlier this night came rushing back to the woman’s gaze. But she was a little more collected now, and she seemed to handle the surge of emotions better this time around.

“I…” Rita stammered, “I don’t know…”

She slumped forward a bit and closed her eyes, a singular tear escaping her eyes. You immediately extended your arm and brought the brunette into your soft embrace.

“That’s okay. We can deal with all that later… How are you feeling…?” You gently spoke.

“Exhausted…” Rita choked out, “and stupid… like it’s all my fault…!”

The broken defense lawyer turned completely towards you, clinging to your frame as she began to cry into your shoulder. You gently caressed her back and shoulders reassuringly.

“That’s it, it’s going to be ok, Rita… It’s all going to be okay…” you soothed the woman.

“B-but how do you know that…?”

You sighed.

“Because… I’ve been through something eerily similar…”

At this, Rita pulled back and looked at you with eyes full of empathy.

“I’m so sorry…” she uttered, fully processing the words you had just spoken.

You smiled lightly and cupped Rita’s face.

“It’s okay… I’m past that now. Now I’m here for you… Now how about bed…?” You hummed caringly.

Rita nodded and hummed a soft thank you, before you guided the woman up and to one of Liz’s many guest bedrooms. You stayed with her until she was asleep, which didn’t take too long, but you stayed nonetheless, before then turning in for the night yourself in another guest room, which Liz had so kindly offered you.

~~

Rita spent the rest of the weekend at Liz’s. Liz and Alex were more than happy to host, and they graciously let you stay as well to keep an eye on the broken brunette.

Then come Monday morning, you were walking into the SVU squad room with Rita anxiously by your side. You grabbed her shaky hand and squeezed it reassuringly, as your other hand rapped on Captain Liv Benson’s office door. Neither of you expected Barba to swing the door open, and he sure as hell didn’t expect to see Rita.

Liv ushered you in, and Rafael could immediately sense something was wrong. Rafael simply closed the door behind you, not bothering to leave.

“Rita, Y/N, how can I help you?” Liv spoke.

Rita shuffled her feet and looked to the ground. You squeezed her hand again and whispered that it was going to be okay.

“Wait what is going on…?” Rafael cut in.

Liv sent Barba a warning glance for him to be quiet to let you or Rita speak. You gently looked towards the brunette, whose lip was now trembling.

“I… I was raped…” Rita shakily breathed out, as a small tear rolled down her left cheek.

~~~

Part 2 with a happy ending…? Or maybe something more angsty…? 😏

Alex Cabot Masterlist

Olivia Benson Masterlist

Rita Calhoun Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

Elizabeth Donnelly Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

Rafael Barba Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

[ihaveathingforwomen]

Mock Trial - Professor AU

Professor!Alex Cabot x Fellow!Casey Novak

Chapter 1 - Masterlist

Word Count: 3k

Summary: Casey Novak is a star pupil and aims to assist one of her favorite professors. Fortunately, Professor Cabot wants to assist her as well.

A/N: I hope ya'll like angst. (Don't worry, it leads to some great smut) Lots of longing and yearning. Mutual yet unprofessed love, of course.

Casey Novak is on her way to becoming top of her class at the University of Oregon School of Law, as is apparent by her grades, her final internship, and her connections. To top it all off, her friends finally convinced her to interview to be a fellow. The interview took place at the end of her second year, and she breezed through it with confidence and grace. Over the summer though, she found herself feeling nervous about the results, though she couldn’t place whether it was anxiety or excitement. She learned that, as a fellow, she would be assigned to a specific professor and one of that professor’s courses. From there, she would assist younger students by guiding them through topics and the professor’s preferences, and she would also help the professor by grading some assignments. Outwardly, she pretended to not care about what professor she was assigned to, but internally, she knew exactly which professor she longed for. 

Her favorite professor used to work for the District Attorney’s office in Portland, where Casey took the opportunity to intern during her last summer before completing law school. The entire time, she found herself hoping to see Professor Cabot around every corner. Most of her superiors in the office remembered her fondly, often reminiscing about her time there and wishing she hadn’t left. This gave Casey all the hope she needed to keep daydreaming about seeing her while assisting with casework. 

The spring of her first year, Casey was fortunate enough to take Alex Cabot’s Criminal Law course. Every concept seemed to click for her, despite her being minutely distracted by the professor’s beauty. Then, in the fall of her second year, she was able to take her Evidence with Professor Cabot. Again, she received the top grade, but not without help. Of course she had the fellows for the courses, but she also started to make a point to meet with the professor to discuss the more complex topics. During these meetings, she felt as though she’d formed a genuine connection with the professor. Her sensible mind knew that their meetings were always strictly professional, but the yearning part of her had hoped that the tension she felt around the professor was mutual. 

Now, a week before her final year begins, Casey takes her time prepping her bag before her pre-semester class. While packing, her computer pings. She pauses and turns to look at the screen, only to find it’s an email with the results of her interview. Everything in her hands landed on her bed as she flung herself at her computer, clicking the email with precision. 

Her eyes scanned the words before her and she rolled her eyes. Leaning back in her desk chair, she rested her forearms on her forehead in frustration. “You’ve gotta be kidding me,” she whispered into the quiet air of her bedroom. The results were simultaneously relieving and sickening. She was, in fact, chosen to be a fellow for Criminal Law and Evidence courses, but the email did not inform her what professor. Disappointed and antsy, she closed out of her email and went back to preparing for her class that evening. Despite her disappointment in not knowing, she knew that she wouldn’t be without her favorite professor. 

She decided to take this pre-semester class last minute when she found out that Professor Cabot was the one teaching it. In the back of her mind, Casey already knew that she was going to make a point to meet with the professor as often as she could manage. Even if their interactions were strictly professional, Casey knew that Alex Cabot would be a great connection to have. During her internship, Casey had learned that Alex (she still feels sinful for calling the professor by her first name, even if only in her mind) has family in New York City. Her family is involved in the legal system and politics there and could make for a beneficial web of connections outside of Oregon, as Casey had always dreamed of moving East. 

Casey’s walk to class was filled with thoughts of her professor. She tries (and fails) to withhold the excitement she feels about telling her professor about her time at the District Attorney’s office, how she was planning on applying to the Manhattan DA’s office, how she was going to be a fellow… As Casey approaches the door to the classroom, she takes a deep breath to steady herself. She hadn’t realized it, but her heart had started to race and her core felt warm. Normally a nice feeling, her nervous nature made her stomach ache. Taking these few moments to relax, she couldn’t help the daydreams that came to her rescue. 

As she stood at the large windows along the hall, allowing her to stare at the city below, she pictured the blonde woman standing next to her. As she quietly stood, she would rub her hand down Casey’s back and reassure her about her upcoming courses. Casey closed her eyes for a moment in thought, focusing on her breathing. In doing so, she realized that her daydream was becoming quite realistic as she felt faint pressure on her lower back. No, she thought, this is real. Who the fuck? 

Casey turned around and when she saw the figure beside her, she nearly lept out of the window. 

“Oh my god, you scared the shit out of me,” she said, exhaling the stabling breaths she’d been taking. She immediately regretted her choice of words. 

The blonde before her smiled, “Sorry,” she chuckled. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

The professor smiled and slowly removed her hand. Keeping her gaze focused on Casey's features, she couldn’t help but admire them. “It’s fine,” the student muttered with a smile. 

Casey caught Alex’s eyes and held them for a moment, tension-filled silence shared between them. Alex finally diverted her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat, “I also wanted to see if we could talk after class today?” 

Casey, unaware that Alex’s cheeks turned a light pink upon asking, felt a shiver down her spine and her mouth dry up. She blinked, glancing out of the window and then back to the classroom door, anxiously shifting on her feet. “Yes, absolutely.” 

Alex grinned again, appreciating Casey’s nervousness. While she secretly hoped that Casey was nervous because she liked her, she realized it was likely because she thought she was in trouble. Quickly, Alex elected to reassure her, “it’s nothing bad, I promise.” She paused, trying her damnedest not to stare into the redhead’s green eyes, “it’s about your fellowship.” 

Casey’s knuckles were white as they gripped the railing in front of the window. She nodded, trying to act cool but noticing every bead of sweat on her body as it escaped. “Oh, okay. Yeah,” she was starting to stutter, “that sounds good.” 

To diffuse the tension, Alex checked the watch on her wrist and tilted her head towards the classroom. “Lead the way,” she directed. Her star pupil took direction well and as she passed in front of her, Alex couldn’t help but put her hand on her back again. As they crossed the threshold, she removed her hand and went straight to the podium. While setting up the lecture, she silently hoped that no other students saw where her hand had been. At the forefront of her mind, she constantly berated herself for being so infatuated with a student and for letting it happen. The demon on her shoulder, though, reassured her that Casey is a full-blown adult and could make her own decisions. Furthermore, the demon continued, the advances are not manipulative and the interactions are mutual. Casey had made many attempts to meet with Alex, supposedly under the guise of discussing academics, but their conversations often ventured into personal matters. 

The angel on her other shoulder, sorely disliked by Alex most of the time, advocated for the ethical dilemma of becoming involved with a student, regardless of age. For some time, the angel had been winning the argument, pleading with Alex to not jeopardize not only her job, but also her career as a whole. This summer, however, Alex couldn’t help the fantasies that passed through her mind. Not all of them were sexual, of course, some were mere yearning for company. Now, having found out shortly before class time that her request had gone through, she couldn’t help but daydream about experiencing Casey’s playful banter, her genuine conversation and concern, and her presence on a consistent basis for the academic year to come. 

The lecture seemed to get longer each time Casey glanced at the clock on the wall, just above her professor. Fortunately, the content was intriguing and Casey was glad to be learning it. However, it could not hold her attention for long in comparison to the sight before her and the nervous thoughts at the front of her mind. Had the interview actually gone poorly and the other faculty sent Cabot to deliver the news? Was Cabot going to inform her that the professor she’d be fellowing for was not herself? Or, was she fellowing for Cabot but the professor felt that Casey would need extra guidance? 

While the anxious bot in her brain droned on, the deviant in the back of her bran ran rampant. Each time she caught herself staring at the professor’s jaw line, or her fingers, or her skirt, she would force herself to look down at her notes and copy every word on the slide before her. While doing so muddled her actual notes about the content, it kept her eyes from wandering and potentially making the professor uncomfortable. Her brain wrote the words without intention so that it could create visions in Casey’s mind’s eye; she envisioned her meeting with the professor afterwards, waiting for everyone to leave the room and then placing her hands on her hips and professing her attraction. 

The speaking finally stopped and all anyone could hear was pens on paper, the clacking of computer keys, and the turning of pages. Casey glanced up from her notebook to find the professor scanning the room and looking down. “I think it’s time for dinner,” Alex stated and the attention of her pupils was promptly redirected. She glanced at the clock behind her and turned around, “the readings for the week are in your syllabus, be sure to have your case outlines prepared for tomorrow. We’ll be discussing the facts and developing potential resolutions.” She gave a curt nod to the rows in front of her, “see you tomorrow, thank you.” Turning her back on the class, a chorus of papers and zippers began.

She, too, gathered her things and turned back to search the crowd of students for her favorite one. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the redhead reach the landing and walk towards her, eyes glimmering as she smiled. Alex was oblivious to it, but Casey was painfully aware of how her hands tremor as she approached. 

“You ready?” Alex asked her plainly, her thin red lips smiling sweetly at Casey. 

If Casey had no self-control she would have swooned. “Yes,” she answered. She anticipated that Alex would just talk to her there, but instead, Alex started to lead them out of the room. Casey’s heart beat faster somehow as they made their way down the hall and to the elevator in silence. 

When they reach the elevator, Alex presses the button for them and then glances over her shoulder to look at the younger woman beside her. Casey, fighting the tension, kept her eyes straight ahead. Alex did the same, her inner monologue trying to gaslight her into believing she wasn’t that attracted to her. The elevator didn’t take long, both of them silently thanking the universe, and dinged at her floor. Alex exited first and went straight to her office, unlocking it and waving Casey inside. 

“You can close it,” she instructed Casey as she set down her belongings. The office was one of the few tidy ones, as most professors didn’t have time to organize their files upon returning to the office, electing to set them on their desk instead. 

Casey, whose cheeks were now bright red and burning, making her almost nauseous, slowly shut the door, clicking it closed. She took slow steps towards the chair in front of Alex’s desk, waiting for further instruction. 

Alex looked up, her eyes moving up and down as she observed Casey’s nerves. She chuffed, “You can sit,” she nodded at the chair. Casey took her seat as instructed and watched as Alex moved around her office, simultaneously putting things away and getting things out. “I’m sorry,” she stated, startling Casey from her observation. 

“Why?” she asked, tilting her head to the side as Alex set down a collection of files. Alex took a stance, sitting on top of the desk, her legs loosely crossed. Against her self-control, Casey’s eyes traveled down the professor’s body, lingering on her bare legs. 

Alex grinned, noting the subtle action and saving it for later in the back of her mind. “For making you nervous. It really isn’t anything bad,” she tried to reassure, looking down on the woman before her. 

Casey leaned back in the chair and crossed one leg over top of the other, trying her best to appear nonchalant. “Well,” she let her eyes search the floor, “what is it?” 

Her eyes returned to her professor’s expression, who smiled, a sweet glint in her eye. She clicked her tongue as she opened her mouth to speak, “you’re going to be my fellow. I asked if I could tell you myself.” 

Casey tried but couldn’t hide the way her face lit up. “That’s awesome,” she said awkwardly, her hand running through her hair. “I had hoped I would be your fellow.” 

Alex took her bottom lip between her teeth for a second, trying to push down the giddiness that rose in response to Casey’s comment. “When I found out that you interviewed, I requested you.” 

Casey felt her stomach flip excitedly. She knows her cheeks are giving away her feelings. “Really?” 

Alex nodded, happily, her hands wandering to the stack of files. “I also wanted to talk to you because I wanted to get a feel for where you’re at with the topics. I know you took the courses a while ago.”

Casey raised her head, starting to nod, and suddenly feeling self-conscious. “I think I feel pretty good about them. I think I feel ready,” she told her professor, hoping for quick reassurance. 

“Are you?” Alex asked, intending for it to sound like pride. The subtle ways Casey’s face fell indicated that it was not received that way. “You did really well in both courses, so I have no doubts you understand the content.” She tried desperately to build Casey back up as the girl’s green eyes wandered around the room. “But, I pulled these files together to help refresh your memory on some things and to give you some tips for guiding them.” 

Alex’s cheeks reddened and her chest tightened. She hadn’t intended to hurt Casey’s feelings, but she couldn’t take it back now. She handed Casey the stack of files, which she took graciously and started flipping through them. As Casey studied them, her strawberry blonde hair fell around her face, making her push the strands behind her ear mindfully. Alex felt the impulse rise in her chest and fought to ignore it. 

Her fighting was for nothing, “I was wondering if you’d like to discuss it over drinks?” In her mind’s eye she smacked herself, shook her head, and vomited. 

Casey’s lips turned up into a smile, one of disbelief. She wasn’t sure she’d heard what she thought she did. “What?” She asked, her shoulders tensing as she closed the files and watched Alex closely. 

Alex swallowed the lump in her throat and held her composure as much as possible. She removed herself from the desk and walked around to sit behind it. Now, across from Casey and at eye level, she noticed Casey’s cheeks slowly return back to their sweet ivory, peppered with freckles. “I mean, after you go over the files of course. We could get coffee, alcohol…” her breath caught in her throat as she thought, “other drinks.” A nervous laugh made its way out of her throat. 

Casey’s tongue darted over her bottom lip and pulled it between her teeth, the smile pulling to her cheeks. Her mind screamed as she realized that ‘professional matters only’ was becoming a thing of the past. Now, the genuine connection she’d thought they had was coming to light as reality. “I would love to. Coffee is always a great option,” she answers, her chest fluttering. 

Alex released the breath she’d been holding, “great.” A deep replacement breath while her eyes were trained on Casey’s lips. “Tomorrow morning?” 

Casey nodded, “that sounds perfect, Professor.” In that moment, uttering the word ‘professor’ felt almost like a tease. Her mind swam with fantasies, as it had done earlier, but now they felt possible. She stood and gathered her things, taking the files in her arm. She started to leave, but turned with a question, “what time?” 

Her tone was almost sheepish but it got Alex’s attention. Alex stood and made her way to her student, a sticky note in hand. She shrugged, her confidence in her role returning. “How about ten?” Casey nodded, her eyes staring at the sticky note in her professor’s hands. “Here,” she stuck it on the top of the files. “My number, you’ll need it for questions about the class you’re helping. Text me and I’ll send you the address for coffee tomorrow.” 

Casey felt overwhelmed, unable to process the gravity of the gift. She nodded, “Okay, will do. Thank you,” she looked her professor in the eyes, her gaze only lingering on her lips for a moment. 

“No, thank you. I know I’ll appreciate your help this year.” 

“Of course,” Casey responded sheepishly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Alex felt a ping of sadness as Casey opened the door to her office, “see you tomorrow, Novak.” 

[caseycabotsvu]

Casey Novak x (Student Intern) Reader x Alex Cabot (Are you coping?)

Reader is a student law intern at the district attorney's office; her mentors are Casey and Alex. Reader struggles with her past after an abusive home life. When school should have been her safe place, instead she was assaulted. After leaving home and beginning law school she won an internship at the firm. Life starts looking up, but will y/n be able to cope with the pressure of her internship? (Reader struggles with Anxiety and Depression. TW: SH) - 2305 Words

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Y/n POV

As usual, my day starts with my alarm blaring as I turn over switching it off, dragging myself out of bed, across the hallway into the bathroom. I undress getting into the shower letting the water trickle over my body waking me up for the day. Sometimes I miss the days when I would get in the shower and my arms would sting with the sensations caused the day previous, it was a bad way of coping and I knew that but it's the only way I knew. Pulling myself out of the shower, I repeated as always how proud I was of myself for being clean and finding other ways to cope, but with the pressure I had been under recently I was craving the release that my blade once brought me.

I loved the internship, and I knew I had earned it. Casey and Alex where my bosses and they treated me well, I knew they had high standards, and I was so scared to let them down or allow the powerful women to see any form of weakness in me. Pulling on my dress and heels I headed for the kitchen grabbing my coffee and bag before heading out the door. Today was a huge step, it was my first day in court, under the guidance of my mentors. Casey and Alex had been prepping me for weeks, going over the process and indulging my every anxiety in hopes of keeping me calm on the day. They had once been in my shoes and knew how stressful the first trial could be so they wanted me to be as prepared as possible, so I could start off on the right foot.

Stepping out into the street, the bustling of people sucked me in as I walked for my metro to work. I scanned my card at the gates striding onto the busy rush hour platform. Pushing onto the metro as it arrived I seated myself, looking up at those around me, catching a glimpse of someone I had not seen in a very long time. Feeling panic wash over me in a hot flush I fumbled around my bag trying to appear calm, my abuser, the guy from my school was sat on the same metro as me. I knew he could not hurt me, but I was still pulled back into the times he did, feeling dirty all over again. Whilst fumbling around my bag I came across my old purse, something I used to carry with me for relief in the moments I couldn't cope with my emotions. I felt so guilty knowing it was there but facing the world today was going to be hard, so I had it as a back up in case I needed it.

Getting to my stop the subway halted and I ran off the carriage as fast as I could hoping to make it straight to work without being near the guy. I never looked back as I dashed up the stairs and through into the foyer, towards my shared office with Casey and Alex, shoving the door open frantically I wasn't expecting Alex or Casey to be here already so when they looked over concerned I turned red, needing a second to compose myself. I could not let them see me breakdown.

Casey: "Good morning y/n. How are you, you look stressed?" She shot you a sympathetic smile, presuming you were worried about court. You didn't answer instead just looked at both women in shock.

Alex: "Earth to y/n? Are you okay?" Alex questioned, believing the same as Casey.

Y/n: "Yeah umm sorry I...yeah your right I'm just a bit nervous for today that's all, nothing else." I forced out a laugh trying to remain calm as they both gave you a reassuring look.

Casey: "Okay come sit and we can prepare the notes together before we go in. You can take control in this trial but if you need someone to take over at anytime we will."

Alex: "We aren't expecting you to be perfect sweetie, your only young and you have years ahead of you, all we ask is you try your best and take all the experience that comes okay." Alex reassured, trying to remove some pressure.

Y/n: "Thank you both, really I just want it to be over." You laughed composing yourself and trying to lighten the mood.

Casey: "You're going to be great sweetie trust me. We've seen what your capable of, your smart and collected and you're going to be such an amazing attorney."

With that you all sat and discussed the case and planned questions for the defendant. You began to calm down forgetting of your earlier panic, as work took over. All three of you headed for court, the corridor felt so long, as your anxiety ramped up. Walking into court there wasn't too many people which made it easier, but you were still on edge. Stepping to the stand you began the trial as instructed, cross examining the defendant. Getting into your flow, you began to feel less anxious, until the defendant's attorney decided to begin questioning you, his aggression showing. As he approaches, you backed away feeling intimidated as his eyes fixed on you.

I could feel my heart begin pounding as if I were a scared kid again waiting for him to hit me just as I was used to at home. The judge, stopped him before he got to close and reprimanded him for trying to psych out the new intern, accusing him of threatening behaviour. A small break was granted, allowing us to reconvene in 10 minutes. Alex waved me towards her and Casey, congratulating me on how well I had been doing, calling the man a pig for his disgusting behaviour towards a young woman. I smiled along, all whilst cursing myself internally, believing I wasn't good enough and would never be. They were just being nice, it's their job. But that wasn't true.

Alex decided to take over the trial as the evidence was already shaky, you believed this to be your fault, but it wasn't. There had been no forensics from the start so nothing scientific to back up the prosecution, a hard case to start with. As court ended we lost the case, unsurprising due to the insufficient evidence, but I couldn't help thinking it was my fault, I was the liability as always.

Rushing out of court I grabbed my bag running towards the toilets. I slammed the stall door grabbing my only coping mechanism from my bag. The blade I had been free from for years was back and I needed to feel the pain. Grabbing my blazer sleeve and rolling it up, seeing the faint scars left behind, I dug the blade into my arm feeling the wave of pain wash over me, I felt relieved, but guilty. I dragged to blade repeatedly over my skin creating long lines watching the blood bubble to the surface and run down my wrist. Realising I was now covered and how long I had been I quickly cleaned my arm up pulling my blazer sleeve back over them making sure they were hidden. I shoved the blade back into my bag and grabbing some tissues to dry my eyes. Looking in the mirror I could see my eyes bloodshot from crying and my hair messy. I fixed my hair and reapplied some makeup in attempt to cover up my upset. Walking back to the office, trying to appear as composed as I could, praying Alex and Casey had left for lunch, but they hadn't. They had been waiting for me to return. Giving them a sheepish look I walked in placing my bag down, the guilt consuming me. Alex approached, i didn't dare look up, backing away into the corner, my body scared of the repercussions, something that it was programmed to do over my childhood.

Alex realised you were scared and didn't approach any further, used to dealing with victims she could tell, as could Casey that something was wrong.

I sat in silence for a while before hearing Alex speak.

Alex: "Sweetie, its okay, you did incredibly well, for such a tough case. Even I couldn't have won that one."

Casey: "It was a tough case y/n, there was barely any evidence. Be proud of yourself for having the courage to stand tall in court today." She smiled at you, as tears began to fall down your cheeks. At this point both women looked concerned, never having seen your break. They came towards you quickly to console you, but you panicked scared they would hurt you. Dropping down into the corner covering your head, Casey could see the signs, she recognised her younger self in you, cursing herself for not noticing earlier. Covering your head in fear you braced yourself for the onslaught of abuse, but it never came. Casey kneeled instead, and Alex got on the floor, waiting for you to come round. After a while you looked up, tears staining your face. Casey reaching out a tissue for you to grab. Shuffling closer to them, Alex helped you up and onto the sofa, as they sat either side of you.

Casey: "That's it honey, take some deep breaths for me, you're okay, you're here and nobodies going to hurt you sweetheart."

Alex: "Were here for you sweetie, were not going anywhere, your safe with us." Sniffling I reached out for the tissues, in the moment not realising my sleeve had become stained with blood. Alex's brows furrowed shooting a concerned look to Casey as Casey nodded seeing it also. For a while silence hung in the office as you calmed down. Casey took her chance to check you over now.

Casey: "Honey, it's okay no need to be scared I know you've had a hard day, but I need to ask you something before I can let you leave." You nodded still unaware of the grave mistake you had made. "What happened to your sleeve love, there's blood soaking through it." Panicking you tried to get up, only to be pulled down by Alex who held you in her tight embrace.

Alex: "Its okay sweetie, we just want to make sure your safe. It's something we've both seen lots. Its understandable why you'd turn to this to cope."

Y/N: "I..I...I'm fine it's just been a stressful day, I saw my abuser on the metro this morning, I got intimidated by the prosecutor and on top of it all I fucked up the trial and we lost."

Casey: "Honey your clearly not fine, you didn't lose the trial it was never going to be won, that was impossible. And as for this morning, that prosecutor is a known bully. You don't deserve to carry the pain of other people's actions towards you, I've been there, and it can be unbearable feeling so alone. I promise you have us, and we'll be with you every step of the way."

Alex: "We've got you and you're never going to face judgement from either of us, we all have our ways of coping, we just want to keep you safe, okay? Can you let us see and clean you up, so they don't get infected sweetie?" Still in Alex's soft embrace you reached out your arm to Casey, allowing her to roll up you sleeve and see your arm littered with cuts. You hid your face into Alex feeling ashamed, she only held you tighter as you sobbed . Grabbing the first aid kit Casey cleaned up your arms with care, trying to be as gentle as she could, applying some antiseptic cream and plasters. She pulled your sleeve back down and pulled you into a hug. For once you felt safe and cared for, they held you as you sobbed, breaking your heart to them about your abusive household and the guy who assaulted you repeatedly throughout school. Alex and Casey listened intensely before speaking.

Alex: "Honey I was thinking, I'm not fully comfortable letting you go home alone today, I just want to make sure your okay tonight, would you like to come stay at Casey and I's appartement?" Casey nodded reassuring you it was okay, and you agreed, scared to be alone tonight. The two women held you up, practically carrying you out of the office taking your home. Once in the appartement they got you some pyjamas, which swamped your tiny frame, guiding you into the spare room to get some rest as they went back to the kitchen to prepare some dinner.

Alex: "How could anyone treat such a sweet girl so horribly. She was clearly vulnerable, and they all took advantage of her. That's no childhood for anyone."

Casey: "I know Alex it breaks my heart she faced those awful things; she doesn't deserve the pain she must face on a daily basis. How does she keep going, I would have crumbled." Casey began to cry, the reminder of her past becoming overwhelming. Alex pulled her into her embrace holding her girlfriend tight, peppering her forehead with kisses.

Alex: "I love you with all my heart Casey Novak, your the bravest person I know."

Casey: "I love you too, Alex Cabot."

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

Alright y'all, I'm going do something I don't normally do and get political for a minute. I mean, I reblog things that are political sometimes, but I don't make my own posts about them.

So, I was on Kamala Harris' wikipedia page. Bc she's running for president. And I'm gonna vote for her bc she's not Trump. But I wanna see what she stands for or whatever. For what that's worth in American politics these days. (btw how fucked up is it that everyone refers to Biden and Trump by their last name, but Kamala by her first? like with Hillary there was the excuse of her last name being tied to a former president aka her husband. but with Kamala Harris there is no reason to justify it? it's just plain old sexism)

And I found this:

That's a screenshot from her wikipedia page. Oh shit, screen readers won't be able to pic up what that says. Let me copy and paste it here:

In February 1998, San Francisco district attorneyTerence Hallinan recruited Harris as an assistant district attorney.[55] There she became the chief of the Career Criminal Division, supervising five other attorneys, where she prosecuted homicide, burglary, robbery, and sexual assault cases – particularly three-strikes cases. In 2000, Harris reportedly clashed with Hallinan's assistant, Darrell Salomon,[56] over Proposition 21, which granted prosecutors the option of trying juvenile defendants in Superior Court rather than juvenile courts.[57] Harris campaigned against the measure, which passed. Salomon opposed directing media inquiries about Prop 21 to Harris and reassigned her, a de facto demotion. Harris filed a complaint against Salomon and quit

For those of you who don't know what Prop 21 is, here is a summary from the wikipedia page:

California Proposition 21, known also as Prop 21, was a proposition proposed and passed in 2000 that increased a variety of criminal penalties for crimes committed by youth and incorporated many youth offenders into the adult criminal justice system. Major provisions of the proposition, as summarized by Attorney General of California are:

Increased punishment for gang-related felonies; death penalty for gang-related murder; indeterminate life sentences for home-invasion robbery, carjacking, witness intimidation and drive-by shootings; and a new crime of recruiting for gang activities; and authorizes wiretapping for gang activities.

Requires adult trial for juveniles 14 or older charged with murder or specified sex offenses.

Elimination of informal probation for juveniles committing felonies.

Required registration for gang related offenses.

Designation of additional crimes as violent and serious felonies, thereby making offenders subject to longer sentences.

As someone who works with kids, let me just say that charging a literal teenager as an adult is absolutely horrendous. Because they are not adults. Studies have, in fact, shown that the adolescent brain is only about 80 percent developed.

I have worked with teenagers. They are not children, but they aren't adults. Like Britney Spears said "Not a girl, not yet a woman" Except you know, replace girl and woman with whatever your gender is.

And it's tough for these kids. I think a lot of adults forget how hard it is. Puberty. Hormones. The social hell that is high school. And there are so many of these kids walking around undiagnosed. Bc a lot of mental illnesses can trigger in your teenage years, most commonly depression and anxiety. Which is like, just a natural fear response to the American education system, tbh. Not only for mental illness, but also for disorders and disabilities. There are parents who refuse to get their kids help. I'm not talking about the 'I don't want to medicate my child' people, though they are annoying af too. Like, there are parents who will be told somehow by the school system that their child is showing delays, etc. And they just...refuse to process that. They can't accept it, so their kid goes their whole life until adulthood without getting the help they need. Some of them get help as adults. Some of them don't. And that's not even to mention the dozens of kids who fall through the cracks.

So I personally think it's a good thing that our possible future president was opposed to it. Like, she's got that going for her. And in today's political hellscape I take my wins where I can.

[ryuichirou]

Replies

We have A LOT of replies today! <3 Thank you for your asks!

Quite a bunch of them are related to our latest comic about Riddle and his mom, some are related to our previous replies, and some are just about the characters in general.

But before I start I wanted to note one thing: I’m probably going to start skipping some asks, and I’m sorry for that. I always try to answer everyone, but it’s getting more difficult for me to keep up, especially when writing replies where I don’t really have much to say. I’m not saying that you should stop: we read everything and appreciate you sharing your thoughts about characters with us; but please keep in mind that I might not reply. Like I’ve mentioned, me writing replies takes one (sometimes up to two) hour per day, and since I’m an artist, not a writer, it’s especially exhausting for me mentally lol I’m sorry about that.

I love talking to you, and I don’t want my replies to feel forced and burnt-out, that’s the main thought.

So, starting with the asks about Riddle’s mom and her amusing poster.

characharing asked:

i see Riddle's mom doesn't know of Chenya yet

I guess Chenya is just better at not being noticed when he wants to, being the Cheshire cat and all~

Anonymous asked:

Alrighty, who wants to go and throw apples at Riddle’s mom?

Probably the entirety of Heartslabyul…

Anonymous asked:

Your artwork with Riddle’s mom reminded me of a fan manga I saw on Pixiv by SIG. It’s about Trey confronting Riddle’s mom during winter break and helping Riddle get away from her (that’s what I can tell, I don’t speak Japanese)

Unfortunately I haven’t seen that one, but I’m glad it exists! After experiencing ch1 and seeing Riddle being so down and kind of anxious about returning home during winter break, it’s impossible not to get a “GO DO SOMETHING TREY TELL HER TELL HER” kind of thought. Or “MURDER HER”, it depends lol

Anonymous asked:

Trey needs to use his UM towards Riddle's mother. Trey can be a secret murderer if you ask me.

I feel like this idea is so prominent in our minds, we’ve mentioned it a couple of times, in the hc post about twst guys murdering people for sure lol

But yeah, Trey’s UM could be very dangerous…

blackbutlerfandomnerddomain asked:

Based on this, Riddle's first rebellion act is inviting Trey over when she's not around. Slowly the anxiety of him leaving before his mother came home faded and soon he began to feel the urge to have sex while Trey and him had the house to themselves. Bonus: They fucked on Riddle's desk AND Riddle's mum's bed

That would be absolutely scandalous, unacceptable, super nerve-wracking but also cathartic and completely necessary. Not to mention very hot lol You go, Trey, break that bed.

Anonymous asked:

Idia wants that poster too. XD

Yes please. And then the version of it with Rook’s face. And then the version of it with the Tweels. And then-

Anonymous asked:

My line of thought is 'ofc Riddle can still collar people' because some of the other prosecutors have gimmicks (Franziska and her whip, Godot and coffee, etc) but realistically it would probably just be Ace getting collared frequently during trials and investigations.

(This ask and the next one are related to the idea of Riddle being an Ace Attorney prosecutor, we mentioned it in these replies)

Yeah that makes sense, the prosecutors of this franchise just can’t do their job without doing something funky lol But what I love is the fact that it’s completely useless, be it a regular collar or a magical one, so basically it’s just a petty way to humiliate Ace because he is being annoying.

Lovely.

Anonymous asked:

Riddle would definitely lecture Phoenix about letting Trucy use her magic panties.

Oh man, so now Phoenix is disbarred and collared? This man just keeps winning lol

You can tell Riddle wasn’t allowed to use magic panties as a kid :(

Anonymous asked:

This is a dumb question but do you think Idia has what is the stereotypical NEET things? You know, hentai dating games, body pillows and the like. Also, what sexuality do you see the cast as? Just curious 😃

Idia is absolutely aware of all of these things and they absolutely surround him, and he is probably far less innocent than the game allows him to be lol But whether he really loves playing hentai dating games and buys erotic doujins depends on a story we’re telling in posts and drawings. Sometimes it fits better for him to be totally into all this stuff and be that gross otaku trope (with body-pillows, waifu-mousepads and kinks that are absolutely vile), sometimes it fits him better to just be aware of all that but not necessarily do it actively.

I guess the “default” state for us it that he has seen and actively read/played some stuff, so he is aware! But then again, he also seems like someone who wouldn’t want to see any smut with his precious waifus lol

We also don’t really headcanon characters’ sexualities, so I can’t really answer that question, sorry :( Whoever we ship them with, that’s their sexuality. So I guess they’re all gay lol

Anonymous asked:

I feel a bit stupid for not knowing this but the comic where Azul discovers the tattoo on Idia’s lower stomach and Idia freaks out, is that a kink or something?

You’re not stupid, Anon! It’s inmon (lewd crest, womb tattoo), basically a hentai trope. I don’t know if there are any strict rules about these tattoos, but in doujins that I’ve seen they’re usually used to make a character having it uncontrollably horny lol “Stupid and eager to breed” kind of horny. So I guess it really is a curse of sorts. But sometimes a succubus-type character could have it.

Anonymous asked:

HAHAHA, I just read the ask about Kalim at Frollo's school... I liked that. You can see this dynamic ending HORRIBLE. I can actually hear Kalim playing popular music in class while Frollo pops a vein... I need Kalim to expand his harem, I need more characters to share Jamil's nightmare, haha! (I love Kalim, but Kalim💢💢)

Anonymous asked:

*I'm not sure if I wrote Frollo or Rollo (HAHA??) in my last anonymous ask abut Kalim in NBC, thank god these are anonymous, is 2 am here, I'm sorry

No worries, Anon, neither of us even noticed that you wrote Frollo until you pointed it out lol

Oh poor Rollo… He really got lucky that neither Kalim nor the Tweels or Lilia went with the NRC guys that year lol He wouldn’t be able to handle them.

And with Kalim being a student at his school, and Rollo being a school counsel president, he’ll HAVE to keep an eye on Kalim all the time.

And the worst thing is, there is no way Rollo is getting used to all this dancing and music and stuff, and there is no way Kalim is getting rid of all that either lol

Anonymous asked:

I will never understand why KaliJami and AzuJami fans fight. Jamil has two hands and deserves more than one boyfriend that he can barely tolerate.

See, maybe the last part is the reason, maybe Jamil’s psyche can’t handle two of these idiots messing up with his brain in two completely opposite (but equally annoying) ways lol If we asked Jamil, he would’ve probably said that his hands are not for Kalim or Azul to hold, and that he would rather drink rat poison.

Wow, he is so mean, that Jamil… Kalim and Azul both need to shower him with love asap lol

Anonymous asked:

Ruggie x Idia be like:

Ruggie: I can't believe you spend so much money on useless figurines. Talk about a waste!

Idia: Excuse you! Do you you know how much these will be worth in a few years?!

Ruggie:.......................Go on.

Yeah, pretty much lol This is basically their interaction in the Glorious Masquerade event. Ruggie has a lot to learn from Idia-the-master-of-anime-auctions…

Anonymous asked:

Post chapter 5 Epel: Did you know that Rook is a Neige Leblanche fan boy?

Pre chapter 5 Vil: What? Where did you here that from?

Post chapter 5 Epel: Rook.

Ahh, so this is what that ask was about!

A perfect opportunity to hit Vil where he expects you to hit him the least lol But I feel like even Epel feels bad for Vil when it comes to this topic, so I don’t know if he would do it. Although it would definitely be tempting at times, especially when Vil’s complaining about Neige under his breath and Rook’s just sitting there smiling and being awfully quiet…

[naviculariis]

Work, so far:

-Printers broke the morning i arrived so I still don't have a keycard with my face on it. I even dressed up fornmy picture the first day. Mood: apathetic. My keycard is glitchy & only works on certain doors??

-Someone fell during the first hour of court ON MY FIRST DAY & we had to call EMTs in. Wild. The Judge has nicknamed me Omen bc he hasn't had that happen in 20+ years. He's also from the town next to mine. He's a funky old man. Take every iteration of Florida Beach Santa & give him a country accent.

-This job is not for anyone who suffers from extreme social anxiety, I have met over 100 people in the last 16 hours of work and I will apparently be working with all of them at one point or another. What the fuck. How am I supposed to remember Tommie, Tammy, Tamera, and Tommy???? Y'all need codenames.

-Desk clerks are either angels or the literal definition of divas. No in-between.

-MY OFFICE!!! I HAVE OFFICE!!! I HAVE DESK!!! I AM ALLOWED TO DECORATE!!!

-my office does not have AC. I brought in a desk fan today. It helped.

-Snake???? Baby snake in building. Doesn't belong there. ( it was black w/ a bright pink belly, just a lil fella, I wanted to take her so bad )

-Why do all attorneys act buddy buddy with each other??? You two just met why are you so friendly

-ticket docket trial docket trial folder ticket folder subpoena drivers license request drivers history docket brain HURT

[box-dwelling]

So I have kind of a weird sprite analysis hypothesis.

So I see a lot of stuff about the Von Karma siblings both grabbing their shoulders like Manfred does. But looking again I think for Miles it's noticeably different.

Here's Manfred

Here's Franziska

And then here's Miles.

So Franziskas is basically a spot on mirror of her dad. But Miles isn't grabbing his shoulder he's grabbing his arm. It's also notably his left arm he's grabbing where the other two are grabbing their right. I don't think these are actually the parallel were treating them as.

There's also what they're used for. Fran and MVK have the shoulder grab as a damage Sprite but with Edgeworth it's something he frequently does during conversation. So I went through and looked at when he uses this sprite and I found something interesting.

Pre the Reval of what happened during DL6, It's almost always involving how he perceives himself to be failing to live up to MVKs standards (and his own) as a procecutor or when talking about his connection with Phoenix or Gregory. Now we can take that as repressed gay thoughts or we can take it as being ashamed of his familial and platonic connection with, respect for, and losses to defense attorneies who MVK does not think highly of at all.

Then after that it's often when he's scared Phoenix or other people are going to think less of him or that they already do. Like how he's scared in RFA about how his car being the crime scene is implicating him in the murdering or how he thinks Lana has betrayed him.

Then in addition to this during FMT it's used very liberally whenever MVK, his practices or what he turned Miles (and also Franziska) into are brought up. It's also used a lot in reference to Celeste which I take as being an issue with bring up suicide given he's talking to a man who is very angry that he just faked his own and the similarities he feels between himself and adrian. It's also used involving de killer and also Maya's Kidnapping. Initially I thought they just needed a serious sprite but looking more into it, I think this is another instance of him being scared of Phoenix's reaction. He knows during these conversations that Engarde hired De Killer. He knows that this is going to hurt Phoenix like hell when he find out. He's also probably scared he'll get the blame. This compounds when he finds out about Maya because now Phoenix's best friend is likely to die because he will probably win this trial. And he's worried that if the rescue attempt doesn't work that blame is also on him.

BTTT is more of the same. Sprite is used when he is directly preventing Phoenix from accessing Maya. Also often in reference to Dahlia and specifically the fact he found out about the trial where she was found guilty. Meaning he knows something about Phoenix he wasn't directly told.

So with this there's some information we can gather. This is something Edgeworth does when he's feeling guilty and scared of retribution. It is fundamentally linking his guilt and fear. But what triggers these emotions changes throughout the games. In the first game it's guilt of not being a true Von karma. In the later games, it's guilt of his previous actions, and also guilt whenever he has to do something that might upset someone he cares for or respects. Now for anyone who has anxiety caused by abuse, this probably looks deeply familiar. It does to me at least. Edgeworth sees any situation where he thinks he's at fault, no matter how small or not to blame he is, and reacts in fear. He is terrified of messing up in any way. He scared that any slip up will be ment with retaliation. This also lines up with what we know about Von Karma. Perfection is an impossible standard and Investigations shows that MVK would verbally abuse him whenever he failed to meet it.

Now I want to say, I don't think this is Edgeworth not fully deconstructing his perfection complex. I think he has. This is clearly a trauma response. It's instinct.

Now I have 2 theories about the action itself. One I'm certain of, the other is a little more head canon crackpot scheme.

Options 1: this is a self soothing thing. He's literally hugging himself. He's closing himself off and putting up a barrier to protect himself.

Options 2: if this was AA4 and I noticed it with perceive, I'd wonder if this was specifically an old wound hes instinctively covering or protecting himself from. Maybe whenever he slipped up Von Karma would enact a physical punishment like a punch to the gut or to hit his arm. The head turn is literally a flinch.

Or he could just be doing it whenever he has gay thoughts idk

[fermentingheart]

Ace Attorney 4 Ramble

I just finished AA4 today (like 2 hours ago as I am writing this) and I have a whole world of complex feelings on it that I desperately need to get out.

Spoilers Ahead for all of Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney.

ALSO this ramble is like. Super long. (sorry....................). ALSO ALSO. I def have grammar and spelling errors in here.. forgive and forget </3

I've been a fan of Ace Attorney since my 9th grade year of high school, when I first started the Phoenix Wright trilogy. I completed it over my entire school-career there, so I have a soft spot for the games. When I beat AA3 I was super emotional, but excited (and worried) to know there were 3 more mainline games waiting for me.

My initial anxieties came from the way the fandom talks about the Apollo Justice trilogy. To my understanding, the same writer that made the first 3 games is not responsible for these one, and it has kinda led itself to be a bit of a stepdown from its predecessors. That was disappointing to hear, but I don't try to let others opinions influence me too deeply without experiencing something myself.

Overall, I though AA4 was good! It didn't wow me, not left me with deep sentiments like AA1 or AA3, but it is definitely better than my least favorite game so far, AA2. It does have its faults, which, as far as I can see, are mirrored by most AA fans.

My biggest complaints is that the game feels like it bit off more than it can chew, and that it is sometimes pretty tedious to play.

The writers had to juggle a big task of explaining the backstories of Phoenix, Apollo, Trucy, and Klavier. Unfortunately, I do think Apollo and Klavier get the short-end of the stick, and I largely sum that up to that being the fault of the hook of the game.

Our former player character, my most beloved guy, Phoenix Wright, lost his attorney badge due to forged evidence, and hasn't been a lawyer for 7 years !? I'll admit, I was sucked in at this premise. I knew it wasn't as it seemed. It would be widely out of character for Wright to ever do such a thing, but, the Phoenix we meet seems so foreign and distant to who we once knew. I wanted to know answers, and luckily or unluckily, the game explains everything.

It spends so much of its time talking about Phoenix, and later down the line, Trucy, that I do agree with the common sentiment that Apollo feels a bit shelved in his own game. Phoenix is enveloped in the mystery of the whole game, that I never really bothered to question what Apollo's deal was. He is great character, but not distinctive enough from Phoenix that it made question his motives as a defense attorney, or how he even grew up (I mean, we don't know much about Phoenix's prior life besides tidbits from his time in primary school). It wasn't until the twist with Apollo, that he is Trucy's older, half-brother, who inherited the Gramayare special ability, did I stop to think about how this game could have benefitted from shifting its focus onto Apollo.

I don't think that it would have been impossible for the game to balance Phoenix and Apollo's backstories, seeing as they both connect to Zak Gramayare's trial. If the reversed the chronology of how they presented their information even a little bit, I think they could have gotten away with this balancing act they were going for.

Ultimately, I do believe the game would have done best with another case that could help set the story up (or like. Change Turnabout Corner to something else. I thought that case was fun but if you think about it, it is painfully out of place with the other three...), because I still think that in a magical world where my suggestions were implemented, Klavier Gavin still would have been sidelined.

I really wanted to love Klavier Gavin. He was like a hair away of itching my brain just right that he would become all I talk about for the next 6 months. Unfortunately, he was given to little to late. I think the game believes it gave Klavier a bigger character arc than he actually had. His confrontation with Kristoph, is good, but no where near as satisfying as it could have been if anything about his relationship with his brother was established before. In a series that rides on sibling relationships, I was looking forward to potential Dahlia and Iris, or even Edgeworth and Franziska. We can piece together what their relationship must have been like by their few interactions and how Kristoph was 100% fine with screwing Klavier over to win a case, but ughhh. I wanted more, and I feel so sorely disappointed with what I got.

AA4 is also tedious to an extent. Although I don't hate Turnabout Serenade as much as everyone else seems to, it does amplify some of the issues the game has. I think the logic of this game in particular was pushing it, even for Ace Attorney standards (how could Tobey of ever been the killer...) and some of the things we have to prove to pull different cases back on our side was. Absurd. Ace Attorney rides on the fact that its legal system is only vaguely defined so we can't really complain too much about it (and the story's constant theme of corruption also absolves it from too much criticism about how nonsensical the court in sometimes). I love this as much as I hate this. I might have not cared as much if they weren't setting up this "big change" in the legal system that would seemingly improve upon these court issues. I'll keep it simple. I think the jury system in application to the game was underwhelming, and shouldn't of just been a plot beat.

I know this long rant may make it seem like I don't like the game, but that's not true at all! I think I'm critical on AA4 because I know how good the series can be. Still, there is so much I loved about the game.

The art and animation is the first thing I noticed as a huge improvement from the prior games, which is already incredible since I think the Ace Attorney series is one of them best when it comes to its visuals. All the sprites are more vibrant than before, but the character seem all the more harmonious with their setting. The court especially looks gorgeous. I love the beautiful browns they use. Also? All the character designs are bangers. So are their reactions. Ace Attorney is known for their character "breakdowns" and AA4 did no disappoint (my favorites are Ogla when she is still pretending to be a random Russian woman, Alita, and Kristoph).

The new mechanics brought into the game have got to be my favorite aspects of it. The "perceive" ability has to be my favorite. I think its very concept is such a good progression from the prior games, I was disappointed it was implemented more. Speaking of, Ema's forensic sciences! I always felt that not bringing back her mechanics after AA1 was such a shame, so I was thrilled that not only were most of the evidence we got observable in 3D, but also that she had little mini-games to make the investigations that more engaging.

Another place where AA4 succeeds for me is its character directions. I think I could go on about all the characters besides a handful of them, truly, but as to not make my ramble any longer, I'll focus on a select few!

Apollo is a fun protagonist. I do think he stands in Phoenix's shoes for a little too long, but the more I played as him, the better I was at finding where he diverges from our previous protagonist. I think he is so silly, and I hope we get to spend more time in his head.

I hold similarly sentiments about Trucy. I'll be honest, I was getting tired of the quirky side-character/assistant trope, and was hoping for someone different when I got into the game. Even though Trucy still fits the outline, she is adorable in her own ways. Her magician bit surprisingly didn't get old to me. She's super loveable and stands out from Maya in her own way.

I adored Ema! Her backstory is honestly so realistic (and depressing??). Seeing her loose some of her spark after life didn't go out as planned for her is devastating, but it makes her all the more relatable, honestly. It was satisfying to see her progressively become more amicable throughout the game, however subtle that was, and even experience her warming up Apollo and Trucy. By Case 4, I really feel that some of "old Ema" has finally returned to her, and I couldn't be more happy.

Oh and finally... my evilest of guys.... the worst ever... my most beloved loathed....

Kristoph..... Gavin.................

I don't think Kristoph is an extremely complex character. He is petty, pompous, and vindicative, but I think his simplicity allows him to shine in that manner. He makes such an impression in the few moments we see him. He's genuinely menacing and pretty intelligent to boot? I think his plan was a bit contrived, but it was so fun and again, extremely petty that I can forgive him of all he has ever done wrong. He said it himself, he is an evil, horrible man, and I love that it is as simple as that. He felt wronged because he couldn't get notoriety off of a sure to be famous case, and so he killed 2 people, attempted to kill 1 other person, and committed like several other crimes on top of that. He sucks and I think that's beautiful.

AA4 doesn't live up to the hype that AA3 left me with, but I am satisfied with the game overall! Despite my complaints, it was such a fun time, and I am thrilled to get to the next games and see how they build upon it. Now if you excuse me I'm going to look at Kristoph for a prolonged period of time.

[ryutarotakedown]

Category: Gen Relationship: Mikotoba Susato & Naruhodou Ryuunosuke Additional tags: Late Night Conversations, S.S. Burya (Dai Gyakuten Saiban), Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Trust Issues, The Legal System is Fucked Up (Ace Attorney), The Legal System is Fucked Up (Not Ace Attorney)

On the voyage back to Japan after the climactic finale in Britain, anxieties still haven’t settled. The ashes from that trial still cling to our heroes…

hey guys i got the chance to write a collaborative tgaa fic about Friendship and Trauma with some awesome friends on discord (@artbyanaxolotl, @susatosanhelp, @puzzledemigod). you should read it!

[brehaaorgana]

adhd budgeting talk: the budgeting service i *don't* use

i keep seeing youtubers get sponsorships from rocketmoney and normally i tune them out, because a) i don't care, and b.) i am happy to recommend people sign up for YNAB, i use YNAB, and will continue to use it. [i am NOT sponsored. they give me no money. i DO have a referral link, but any person who uses ynab does. we both get a free month of the service if you start a trial period via my link, and then choose to purchase the service after the end of your free trial. they don't auto-charge. that's it.]

BUT. but. one youtuber, as part of her advert, started mentioning that rocketmoney has bill negotiation services and she was talking about how nice it was to have someone like, be the adult on her behalf to negotiate down bills save her money etc, how she didn't have to deal with the stress and anxiety and they do it all FOR you. they call all the companies FOR you!!! how "nice"!

unfortunately this was THE OPPOSITE of reassuring to me. in fact, this screams: RED ALERT RED FLAG PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!!

let me explain why i don't trust rocketmoney since i found this out.

the VERY tl;dr is this: you're giving away all your security info and login info, giving them the right to pretend to be you to negotiate on your bills, and also they "may" charge you for this service per bill. if you want assistance with this kind of thing, please find a non-profit licensed credit counseling agency via the NFCC because as non-profits their goal is not making money off of you, it's literally to improve the community, increase financial education, and genuinely help you.

okay the full "holy shit please be more suspicious of companies whose goal is to make money," spiel":

most budgeting apps/services that are free have to make money somehow, so you need to consider how they do that. (probably selling your data, or being your literal bank, etc). they are typically for-profit companies. never forget the goal is them making money.

that's not inherently a bad thing per se, but it means they have a known motive.

if you have a budgeting app set to auto-sync with your bank info, you are granting them a limited power of attorney to view, access, and transmit your bank data. every single budget company that offers this, mentions that in their terms of service agreement.

my recommended budget service, You Need a Budget, states this in their TOS. in YNAB, it only applies if you choose to sync your bank accounts with your budget, bc you have to give them the info, obviously. You can enter everything all manually if you want to, and then they can't access anything. Personally I am comfortable with authorizing this very limited POA, so I do it, because yeah, it makes my life easier, and i need this automated to make it sustainable to do bc adhd. even on my best days, i would never keep up with all of that.

so, that said: YOU ARE GRANTING A FOR PROFIT COMPANY WAYYYY MORE POWER THAN JUST PULLING AND TRANSMITTING YOUR TRANSACTIONS DATA IF THEY'RE NEGOTIATING BILLS ON YOUR BEHALF!!!!

LIKE. bruh. y'all. everyone.

unfortunate truths:

sometimes you gotta at least skim the headings of the terms of service agreement

sometimes you GOTTA just buckle down and do the annoying anxiety inducing awful adult thing yourself and, barring that --

find a NON-PROFIT TO HELP YOU, NOT A FOR PROFIT COMPANY if you really want this kind of service.

rocket money's terms of service for bill negotiation is waaayyy more than just "sync and share my transaction data."

they may CALL UP ANOTHER COMPANY AND PRETEND TO BE YOU.

By requesting a Bill Negotiation, you authorize Rocket Money to contact your Provider as your limited agent in order to secure a better rate on the service on your behalf. Rocket Money will provide account verification details including, but not limited to, your full name, respective addresses, phone numbers, and email addresses, the name of the Provider, your Provider account number, the applicable password, PIN number, or other security credentials to access the account or validate the account with the service provider in order to proceed with the negotiation. If it’s necessary for our agents to represent to your Provider that they’re the account holder, you consent to such representation solely in order to perform the Bill Negotiation.

hello???? they get all your security info and pin and credentials and you give them permission to pretend to be you. their goal, i must STRESS, is to MAKE A PROFIT OFF OF YOU by doing this.

...i know people's eyes glaze over this kinda shit but like. god. the TOS!!!! the FEES!!!!

We may charge a Bill Negotiation fee (the "Negotiation Fee") for our Services connected with Bill Negotiation.

you MAY charge a fee for this??? i hate legalese. this is probably just "we WILL charge a fee most of the time."

The current Negotiation Fee is decided by the user, anywhere between 30-60% of the 12-month savings achieved as a result of the negotiation. 

wait, what. it's decided by us, the CUSTOMER, and we can pick a range? who the fuck would choose a 60% fee? this doesn't make sense. why are there options. why the fuck would i pay 60% OF THE SAVINGS TO MAKE SOMEONE DO ONE PAINFUL PHONE CALL FOR ME?

For instance, if a 40% fee is chosen and Rocket Money is able to lower a bill by $10 per month, that would equal savings of $120 over 12 months and a Negotiation Fee of $48.

.....okay so. again they lower the bill by $10.00 monthly, right? let's say the bill was originally $50, now it's $40, but you DO pay it monthly, not in a lump annual discount. doesn't matter what this bill is for. they're taking 40% of your savings that they broker for you. meaning instead of saving $10, you're only saving $6.00.

you're not ACTUALLY saving $120.00 over the course of a year. you're paying them $48.00 all at once in order to not have to spend $72.00 over the course of TWELVE MONTHS. because you don't want to make an annoying phone call that might take you hours.

i mean look, if you feel that's worth nearly $50 (hypothetically) for a SINGLE BILL, idk what to tell you. that just doesn't seem like a very budgeting savvy trick tbh.

We may charge the Negotiation Fee to the credit or debit card provided and authorized at the time the Bill Negotiation is submitted. The Negotiation Fee is non-refundable, except in the event that an error was made during the Bill Negotiation, or except as otherwise required by applicable law. 

oh also if they sign you up for some special promo deal that expires and then gives you a higher bill or extra fees later, you're on the hook for that. lmfao.

ALSO THEY HAVE A SAVINGS PLAN THING THEY OFFER AND I JUST SEE THIS, BOLDING THEIRS:

Rocket Money’s Savings Plan feature is not an interest-yielding savings account so you will not earn any interest on your funds.

get the fuck outta here lmfao.

YOU LITERALLY DON'T EARN ANY INTEREST IN YOUR SAVINGS ACCOUNT. THIS IS THE WORST KIND OF SAVINGS ACCOUNT THERE CAN BE.

this is LESS INTEREST EARNED THAN MY CHECKING ACCOUNTS, BECAUSE IT'S ZERO.

I have a decent-ish savings account right now. i've earned almost a full THIRTY DOLLARS so far, THIS YEAR. in THREE MONTHS. FROM INTEREST.

i cannot stress this enough, rocket money is selling you a savings...program or something to help you...save money.

it's a premium only feature.

We offer the Premium membership on a sliding scale of $4 -$5 per month (billed annually at $48 and $60) or $6-$12 per month, billed monthly.

it was so hard to find this btw. (that's $72.00 - $144.00 annual in the monthly billing example.)

again i stress it is a premium feature for you to pay at least $48.00 a year in order to "automate your savings" where it will earn you ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST.

i've earned exactly $29.90 in interest from my completely free to open regular degular savings account since january 1st. it is march 16th. if we just estimate i could get about $30 in interest every 3 months, then i could earn $120.00 just from saving money all on my own. (incidentally, that would cover the $99 annual YNAB subscription fee and leave change left over. gee. how nice. real talk: it's cheaper than amazon prime. but anyways.)

why the fuck would i pay someone $48.00 to put my savings somewhere for me and have it do nothing. what. how does that improve my finances. i hate this.

.....goddamnit they're a MORTGAGE COMPANY. rocket mortgage. is....rocket money. lmaooo explains everything.

okay don't sign up for them bye.