#traumatized and lived in conditions with all sorts of damaging things. like lead in the water that overtime could lead to brain damage

[syncrovoid-presents]

ooo I just saw the formatting on your blog, and it looks so cool!!! My ask: since you say you know random knowledge, what is a fun fact you could share? :D

Aa thanks!! I caught myself some HTML and CSS for the formatting of my desktop blog. I still need to update it but there's a few hidden secrets @:o)

HMM I have so many I would like to share! It depends on what sort of knowledge you seek and how much detail you want! Like how butterfly wings have scales or how mummies are rare because they were used in paints and consumed.

BUT because it is something I have been thinking about, I shall tell you some funny coincidences and the cycle of time (it is fun and curious! I find it very fascinating)

There is something quite interesting about how centuries ago and ranging to thousands of years (depending on the culture and how well it was documented) there were many mentions of not-quite-human people. Like for instance (I shall talk about Scottish folk lore here, for it is one I am familiar with) there are the Fae folk.

The seelies and unseelies and how there were ways of telling disguised Fae apart from regular old humans (count the teeth, check the fingers. Are the ears unusual? Is the voice unusual?) If I'm not mistaken, there's also a form of this with some Japanese Yokai too? I am not 100% sure. There are similarities too with certain Slavic and Native Americans beliefs too, and African if I'm not mistaken. But regardless, this is something that exists in all sorts of folk lore from all around the world.

(I will briefly mention that some of this could stem from when certain illnesses were a lot more serious (consider rabies for instance) or from ableism. So it isn't all fun and interesting, but I thought I should add that!)

It is interesting how as society (mostly western for I am not 100% knowledgeable about how other societies have evolved over the centuries) has evolved towards a greater understanding of the world through hard sciences and generally separated from folk-belief how this has transitioned into aliens.

Aliens that could walk among us but act a little funny, or their smiles don't look right (count the teeth, check the fingers), how they come at night and leave mysteriously, with lights and colours and technology like magick.

(Again, I shall mention that sometimes these beliefs are used to defend various types of bigotry. I do not support that and find it quite gross)

And then now, another hundred or so years after the rise of aliens (there is still more people are finding! More mysteries, more unexplained phenomenons!) those same rules now have transitioned into AI artwork.

Have you seen some realistic AI artworks of humans? You must count the teeth, check the gands. Are the joints all wrong, bending too far or there are too many? How many fingers are there? You must count them! Check the ears, check the faces. Are they humans or something just pretending?

Of course it isn't quite the same, it never is and never will be, but I can't help but find it fascinating that certain beliefs from centuries or decades ago can now transition into practical advice for something that absolutely would have been considered magick to those folks. How science and folklore beliefs don't have to be pitted against each other, and how time can be quite cyclical in nature.

Plus not to mention the similarities between the "Hitchhiker Effect" and the curses of various folklore creatures of millennias past, both coming from worlds beyond our own but in different ways, both explanations of the impossible through the lens of current knowledge.

And who can say how this could change when AI develops further? Though AI isn't truly intelligence, the name is actually quite misleading, when programmed right and given the correct uses it can be a wonderful mimicry of such. Imagine AI generated realistic 3d models, using generated voices and generated dialogue. Would you count the teeth? Check the hands? Would there ever be a point in our lifetimes where that would even be possible?

Regardless, I find this all quite interesting!! I can talk further but I shall limit myself to this. I don't quite know if my ramblings about the roundabout nature of time and humanity and the development of belief falls into a fun fact or not, but it was very fun to answer this ask!!

[ultfreakme]

Don't hate Jayce people!!! It's clear Jayce witnessed something from the Arcane. He looks rough, visibly traumatized, and his hammer does not look the way it should. It has the hexcore pattern when it activates. He was fighting with himself constantly to take the shot. He didn't really want to talk to Viktor. This is strange considering the lines Jayce was willing to cross for Viktor.

Whatever Jayce saw, whatever he knows, is so devastating he has no choice but to kill Viktor. There was something about failing again. Was he faced with this choice and situation before? Could he not kill Viktor then?

Viktor also is I think barely himself. He's helping people but in doing so he's taking away their autonomy, much like Jayce did when reviving Viktor. He also forgave Jayce so apt I think Viktor is fine with Jayce stripping him of his autonomy in that moment.....which leads me to believe the hexcore is corrupting Viktor. He's still there, but slightly to the left. If the caveat for healing all these people is that he must live, he'll do it. Viktor was willing to do anything to treat his illnesses. He KNOWS how desperate these people are. A compromise of sorts between both.

It seems like he wants to do good deep down but at a price. He told Jinx he has a condition- and tying up Vander is one thing but I think there is also this- losing a part of the self.

Singed is probably going to revive Viktor and that's when he'll completely lose who he is. Singed figures out how to keep the personhood when someone is revived- through personal connection. It's probably going to be Sky but I think Jayce could get through to him too.

Both Viktor & Jayce are changed. Both wanted to help each other but doing so mounted damage upon damage, until all that's left to do to save one another is to kill them(or a part of them)

[sepublic]

Marcy’s Condition

           I’m scared for Marcy. Seeing her so wounded, I just-

           I really am afraid. Afraid that she’s going to need not just emotional and mental therapy, but physical therapy as well… Which, we don’t know how successful Andrias’ procedure is going to be, but still. It really sucks and haunts me how Sasha has that scar on her face, as a permanent reminder of what happened in Amphibia, of Reunion…

           But not to compare pain, but Marcy is somehow even worse- Because she might just have that ENTIRE gaping scar on her chest and back, and… Remembering how she almost died, how she THOUGHT she died. The pain, the unimaginable horror and agony at being impaled. The reminder of everything that happened in True Colors, the pain and desperation, the betrayal… I can legit seeing it become an actual, medical trigger for Marcy. Sasha at least managed to cope with the scar on her face, good for her…!

           But Marcy… I can easily see this breaking her. And it just leads to her always trying to cover up that scar and not look at it, which, is easy because she can accomplish that with any regular shirt, but still… It’s just the entire concept of bodily autonomy being violated, of being marked like that, and it worsens with the idea of Andrias turning Marcy into a cyborg, and/or his master possessing her. To already have her body so grievously hurt and wounded, to then be operated on like a test subject, to be controlled and puppeted with this entity inside her… It genuinely sickens me.

           This girl suffered, and there’s always that permanent, visual reminder of it. At least with Sasha, you can argue how she brought it on herself, as a reminder of how she tried to kill Anne’s surrogate father and why this mistake backfired; It’s a learning experience, although trauma is trauma of course, so that is to be said VERY lightly and carefully. It’s not like Anne MEANT to scar Sasha; But Marcy… Marcy didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve to be impaled by someone she trusted, who took advantage of and manipulated her… 

          She was afraid of confiding her fears in with Anne and Sasha, and she found that in Andrias; And now, she’s likely to be even MORE terrified of opening up because of this! Especially with how Andrias has the AUDACITY to literally gaslight Marcy in her final moments, as she realizes she’s going to die and is dead, by saying “Look what you’ve made me do.” As if he hasn’t emotionally manipulated her enough, to imply Marcy’s violent death is all her fault, and/or that of the friends she loves and didn’t want to lose, was so afraid of being rejected by. Because I guess her soul hadn’t been crushed enough!

           Not to mention… Getting impaled like that, having a burning blade through your spine… I’m just really afraid that when this is all over, IF Marcy gets to recover and heal; She might be paralyzed. She might be plagued with physical health issues for the rest of her life, because she’s missing an entire chunk of her spine; And, hopefully Andrias’ procedure can give Marcy’s body a full recovery… Ideal scenario, no scar, even! 

          But I can’t help but feel like being possessed by Andrias’ master, THAT could leave its own physical toll on Marcy’s poor body, and it just agonizes me to see this girl be violated like that, emotionally and physically. It’s depressing how Marcy briefly treats others more like NPCs in her game than people, because now SHE’s being objectified, losing her agency, in a way that is so much worse and totally undeserved.

           Marcy doesn’t deserve to have to live with physical health issues for the rest of her life, for what happened; She’s a kid. She doesn’t deserve to be plagued with echoes of pain and physical trauma that constantly remind her of what happened, even when she’s not directly looking at the visual mark it left behind. And I’m just scared that when this is all over… I can see Marcy being bedridden, being in ACTUAL medical therapy, because I have a hard time imagining her being able to function without that.

           What if she becomes physically sick and ill, still feeling the repercussions of her wound or possession or being modified against her will? I don’t want to imagine Marcy looking at prosthetics that Andriasgave her, for the rest of her life. There’s nothing wrong with needing physical aid, or medicine, or therapy to get by in life; But for Marcy, it could serve as a reminder of issues that came as a direct, unfair, result of her time in Amphibia; A loss of carefree health she once had… And she doesn’t deserve to be haunted like that.

          I don’t want Marcy to be plagued by health issues, she’s gone through ENOUGH already, having the rest of Marcy’s life be permanently riddled and restrained because of her wound, it just… It genuinely leaves me in anguish. I don’t want to see Marcy in a wheelchair, as a permanent, haunting reminder that is intertwined in every aspect of her life, of what happened… A reminder she literally can’t escape because it’s her own body, and it’ll affect just about every breathing moment for her.

           I don’t want to see Marcy struggle to breathe from damaged lungs. Or have her struggle with meds –I know that feeling- or constantly need a device for physical aid, something to be hooked up to often. I don’t want to imagine Marcy sometimes lying in bed at night, placing her hand over her chest, so she can feel her heart beating, to relieve and reassure herself that she’s still alive. Not after feeling her heart stop beating when she was first impaled… She’s so young, she has her whole life ahead of her, or should, and she had that violently ripped away from her, barely got to live with that kind of normal life before it was gone for good. She deserves to just breathe, carefree, and feel the sunlight on her face and enjoy life.

           As a disclaimer, I don’t want to patronize people with disabilities or injuries. I don’t want to turn physical conditions into some inescapable tragedy that can’t be moved past, can’t be healed from; There are so many people who have managed to adapt and continue living as always. I’m sorry if I did that… But Marcy’s whole condition could be a brutal reminder of what happened to her, of that horrible thing that wracked not just her heart but her entire body. She shouldn’t have to suffer for that, for the rest of her life…

           And I’m terrified for her mental health. Of her suffering from actual PTSD, being triggered by things that remind her of that moment. Of having nightmares and waking up in a cold sweat, heart racing, as she reaches out for Anne or Sasha for comfort. I can’t handle that thought, the idea of a kid in that sort of pain… It’s so unfair and she doesn’t deserve it. I can genuinely, plausibly see Marcy becoming depressed, becoming somber and morose for a long while, before she can finally heal and become happy and excited and curious in things that open way she does; And GOD, I’d be inconsolable if she felt suicidal, because how do you move on from that? Thinking her life wasn’t worth it without Anne or Sasha, that she literally can’t handle it… Combined with the possibility of abuse in more ways than one from her parents, how THEY won’t help, if they’re even allowed near Marcy after all this.

           Does Marcy have anyone to even turn to when it all ends? I hope she does. I can only imagine her being constantly terrified of being alone, and needing company just to get by… She really deserves a therapy pet after all this, maybe Joe Sparrow could help. It just… It just sounds like Marcy’s whole life has been wracked with this kind of pain, and I don’t want to her pain get any worse, to see it get physically chronic. Any kind of physical pain could easily traumatize and push Marcy to her limits… And, there’s the possibility of good representation for physical disabilities, but also, I don’t want to patronize anyone, or speak over their voices, so again I apologize if I did.

           I guess this just stems from me wanting to see Marcy’s pain be acknowledged and addressed so she can properly heal from it, can be validated and told that it was terrible and should’ve never happened no matter what… But maybe I can find relief in the denial that it didn’thurt her this badly, that Marcy is fine and doesn’t have to deal with that to begin with, because wouldn’t that be better for her? I dunno.

           It’s undeniable that Marcy is going to be emotionally crushed after this… But does she have to stay, or become, physicallycrushed as well?

I just…

           SOMEONE GET THIS GIRL SOME LOVE AND CARE AND THERAPY ASAP FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE AND LET HER BE WELL AGAIN!!!!!

           I just want Marcy to be able to recover and heal… I genuinely hope and wish her emotional spirit will at least be able to move on after this, that she can still find joy and excitable fun, and get to be a kidagain, with her best friends like old times; Only better, because she’s at least grown. God, these girls and their trauma, and the inevitability of how it’ll haunt and hurt them… It leaves me inconsolable.

[seyaryminamoto]

I'm just thinking about what you've said in the past about Zuko's morals in The Southern Raiders and what bugs me the most is that Zuko could have easily been Yon Rha. Yon Rha's big sin, as far as Zuko knows when he makes his proposal (before Katara tells him the whole story), was raiding the Southern Water Tribe in a manner which lead to someone's death, and Zuko raided both Kyoshi Island and the Southern Water Tribe. Zuko would be an acceptable target for vengeance under his own standards.

:'D very fair point of view, Anon. I've always focused on another angle with this particular problem, namely the fact that Zuko's traumatic Agni Kai happens because he was trying to defend soldiers from being used as bait, slain in battle as though their lives were meaningless... and then he's offering Katara his assistance with killing a soldier if that's the only way to become her friend. There's such a profound incompatibility between both ideas, such a massive rift in reasoning, that I can't help but wonder if Ozai, intentionally or not, actually taught Zuko through their Agni Kai that the lives of their people aren't worth anything after all.

In general, that episode's plot is just... very questionable. I understand these kids are jaded, they've seen pleeenty of ugly stuff and even done some ugly stuff themselves, but the core of the problem with Zuko, back in the day, was that his violent pursuit of the Avatar caused lots of trouble and nobody liked him because he was being a selfish ass who wanted to fulfill the Fire Lord's orders at all costs :'D so... as blind as Katara may be over anything to do with Kya, it baffles me that neither Sokka nor Aang would step up to tell Zuko that this sort of ridiculous reasoning, impulsive behavior and willingness to resort to violence is EXACTLY what made him an asshole during the months he chased them, and that changing sides without changing those violent impulses doesn't amount to jackshit. I'd honestly prefer it if Katara were the one to tell him as much, because then she'd have the bonus of telling Zuko: "That's funny, because this sort of BS is precisely why I can't trust you!" and Zuko would be at an even bigger loss than before :'D but of course, when emotions are involved, Katara loses sight of reality and common sense, it's true...

Looking at it the way you do, just imagine if Yon Rha had told Katara "Oh. Sorry. Nice to see you again!" the way Zuko does with Suki :'D I'm pretty sure she would've actually killed the guy without even hesitating.

It's not to say that Zuko has objectively murdered anyone with the particular cruelty Yon Rha killed Kya: as far as we know, he didn't. We do know, however, that he's imprisoned people in nightmarish conditions (something even his sister cannot be said to have done), as he does in LOK, conditions bad enough that one of those prisoners (who, arguably, wasn't in the worst of conditions) said he'd rather die than return to that imprisonment. So, however "deserved" the Red Lotus's imprisonment might have been, dehydrating a waterbender and freezing a firebender for well over a decade sounds like one hell of an act of cruelty, which says he's perfectly capable of cruelty, all the same as Yon Rha was, and Zuko can't even say he's following someone's orders: he's the one who chooses to do this, plain and simple. So cruelty is NOT beyond Zuko. He can be harsh and nasty whenever it suits him. Despite what he'd have the audience believe, he isn't truly the poster child of peace and kindness :')

As you've said, Zuko caused lots of damage with his careless actions back in Book 1, actions that could have certainly cost lives if this show had been written to be grittier and darker than it was.

As a careless, casual example, here's the typical, boring old trope of "there's a kid in danger and the hero swoops in to save them!" (and there's poor Sokka on the background too ;_;). That ship just comes into shore, breaks all the ice it cares to, and it could have cost at least the two lives of those in the scene here (and who knows how many more that we aren't seeing). Is this not the same as attacking someone deliberately, with killer intent? Sure, it's not, but the ultimate outcome would be the same: someone's died, and it's your fault. And if you're a good person, you would feel bad about it. In fact, you might not even be able to think of yourself as a good person if anyone's death can be pinned on you.

Again, we don't know for sure that his actions cost any lives, but that they could have speaks for itself. That he was once part of the Fire Nation killer machine, that he was a tool to his father (even if not one he particularly cared for), should have made him all the more willing to understand that soldiers are as brainwashed as he was. No, this isn't to defend Yon Rha by any means, he was indeed a piece of shit... but Zuko doesn't even wait to meet him to confirm this. He's ready to help Katara kill a guy who, for all he knows, could have spent his whole life repenting for his actions (yes, we know that's not the case, but if the show had wanted to give us more nuance in the Fire Nation army, it could have been). Zuko doesn't even hesitate, and he even eggs on Katara until she finally decides she's not going to do it -- then he proceeds to badger Aang non-stop about how he MUST kill Ozai, funny how that goes. Which allows the interpretation that Zuko didn't learn anything at all from the Southern Raiders adventure.

In the end, if Zuko's actions cost any lives whatsoever (like, I don't know, maybe lives of the people whose food he stole in the Earth Kingdom (: what, me still being salty about this in the year of 2021? Noooo waaaaay...), you're quite right to say that it'd be fine, as far as his own philosophies are concerned, for Zuko to be executed by the injured party. It'd only be fair, right? Yet I guess that's the beauty of Zuko being Zuko: fairness isn't part of it. Justice? I don't think he's actually familiar with the concept. His sister made lots of mistakes, same as he did, but has he attempted to help her find her way, same as he was helped? Has he given her another chance? The answer is nope. Chit Sang is a convicted murderer who claims he didn't do the crime he was put in jail for: Zuko doesn't even bother asking any questions about who he is, or trying to get to the bottom of this problem. He's fine with getting the guy out of prison without first confirming whether his story checks out or not. Even back in The Blue Spirit, when he was "under" Ozai's thumb, and Ozai's priorities should have been his own, he decides that it's more important for him to capture Aang himself, and somehow the show spins that situation into "hey, Zuko's not that bad :>" when... everyone knows he's not setting him free out of any selflessness on his part, in fact, it's the entire opposite.

So yeah, more sketchy Zuko things that remain unresolved, unaddressed and go ignored all the time. Again, things that don't make much sense with the character he's supposed to be. And as usual, it's stuff we're supposed to shrug off or make a thousand excuses for in order to always find a way to see Zuko as a perfectly good person, when, as I've said before, being good takes efforts Zuko often didn't bother making, not before his "change of heart", not afterwards either.

[mymelodyheart]

Miles Between Us Chapter 10 ~The Art of Non-Communication

WARNING: MILD SEXUAL CONTENT

Previously in The Mediation

"Three million pounds for a house!" Jenny broke through his reflection. "Doesn't it make ye wonder what else she inherited?"

Jamie looked at the paper again.  That's what the house is worth? Ach, Christ!  Even the Oxford gossip found its way to Broch Mordha. He knew Claire would be mortified if the news of her assets became everyone's favourite topic of conversation.

Folding the note, he handed it back to his sister. He shook his head at his sister. "Not a word about this to any of yer mates!" he warned her. "Or else ..."

Jenny's eyes widened. "What do ye take me for?"

"A babble merchant," he ribbed, unsmiling. "Now, let me be."

"Ye're no' angry at me still, are ye?"

"No," he sighed. "I'm just exhausted."

"Can I do anything for ye?"

He puffed out a breath. Jenny was looking at him earnestly, and he knew she only wanted to reach out. "Aye, in fact, ye can. Ye can arrange that appointment with the therapist for me."

If you wish to read this on AO3, here is the link.

If you wish to read this from the beginning:

AO3 link

Tumblr link

  Jamie was removed from the noise of Lallybroch's homely routine when he stepped inside the shower that barely allotted for his breadth and height. He stroked the erection he'd been sporting since he'd woken up from his dreams of Claire, his elbow occasionally hitting the wall. If he kept this pace up, there would be some damaged tiles to answer for by the time he finally climaxed.

Creamy pale skin and amber eyes seeped through his mind, and he stifled a groan, the throbbing flesh in his hand swelling to the point of anguish. It was the reason he'd escaped to the shower when his dad had woken him, the image of Claire still vivid and the need to spill urgent. But the act of pleasuring himself was tainted with guilt. It didn't feel right using the memory of them together to find completion when he'd left her on her own. Not only did it make him a sick lecherous human being, but his action defied all reason and logic. 

Anyone in their right mind wouldn't be depriving themselves if they had what he and Claire had, but instead, here he was, on self-imposed retreat, his hungry thoughts reliving that time she'd been on her knees taking his entire length in her sweet, sweet mouth. Depravity kicked in, and his body responded to the memory in a fast, fluid rush. Every moral compass he'd had, went from dried cement to loose sand, and nothing could contain the rampant desire to relieve the pressure between his legs. 

He propped his left hand on the wet wall and quickened the pace of his strokes, the tight fist travelling from the base of his hardness to the engorged tip. 

"Christ," he gritted, hoping he could finish without the repercussion of self-loathing and feeling like an unredeemable bastard. 

Ye left her! In tears!

It's for her own good. I'm taking steps to make myself better ...for her.

What if she gets sick and tired of waiting for ye to sort out yer issues?

No, no ...she understands. 

Ye havenae called her.

I'll see her after the therapy, for fuck sake.

Guilt made him want to dim the image of Claire sucking him, but the heavy sack hung between his thighs wouldn't be wheedled into emptying without envisioning her. 

He was so close. He replayed Claire's most recent voice message in his head, her voice husky and yearning. She must have been in bed wearing nothing but his shirt.  I love you, Jamie. I wish I could hold you right now and ease your pain.

"Ah, fuck!" Jamie groaned as convulsion racked his body. "Christ, Sassenach." His seed spurted from his cock in what felt like an endless surge of the tide. Back and forth until he was compelled to release his flesh to brace himself with both hands on the tiled surface while the remnant of his release washed down onto the shower floor.

The water had turned tepid by the time reality came streaming back in. Steeling himself, Jamie waited for the chitter-chatter in his head to start reprimanding, telling him what a sick bastard he was, but nothing came. It was quiet. Notably quiet, in fact, and the prolonged silence was too unusual for comfort and almost deafening. The voices had been his life long companion, and it seemed like someone had muted the noises. The only sound he heard was the sound of his breathing and the shower spray hitting the surfaces.

He almost jumped at the loud rapping on the door. "Jamie! Ye're gonnae be late for yer therapy appointment," Willie called out, impatience lacing his voice.

He blew out a breath. "Two minutes!" he shouted. Damn it!

"Two minutes," Willie repeated, and he strode off, the sound of his heavy footsteps making creaking sounds on the wooden floor.

Therapy! He wasn't looking forward to it, but if it would mean bringing him closer to living a normal life with Claire, he'd take his chances. He had his future waiting for him in his cottage, and God knew what was going through her mind with his prolonged absence. There's a possibility she could decide right there, and then, she'd had enough, and he could be returning to an empty home. Fuck that! No' gonnae happen.

Wrenching a curse from the depths of his soul, he grabbed a towel and dried himself in record time. No more messing about. It was time to regain back the rein to his life. After his therapy, he was returning back to his Sassenach.

..........

Jamie hadn't replied to Claire's multiple voice messages, so she'd stopped sending them, thinking he needed a break. If it hadn't been for Willie checking up on her, Rollo needing to be walked and her own work keeping her busy, she would have gone out of her mind. 

She found solace in knowing he was safe with his family and sorting out his issues and tried not to dwell on the theory that she might be the reason for his worsening condition; otherwise, it would mean giving up on them and walking out of his life for his own good. They'd both had a traumatic start to childhood. If anything, their shared experience should bring them together ...well, at least she was hoping that was the case.

As long as she was busy, she was absolutely fine. But it hurt being apart from Jamie. The minute she unwinded from her daytime activities, the feeling of abandonment crept in, and she felt lost and empty. An all-consuming gloom would lurk, overwhelming her, and tears would start to fall. It had been only two days since Jamie left, but she was already fearing she'd return to London without seeing him again. It's just not fair. It was as if the universe was conspiring to keep them apart, and if that was the case, they'd never really had a chance from the start. Such thoughts would lead to a part of her wishing they'd never met because it was like being shown what happiness with someone you love could be, only to be yanked back out of reach.

She glanced out the kitchen window and realised it had begun to rain, the grey skies echoing her sombre mood. Frustrated, she mentally shook herself. There were a lot of things to do, and her uncle would be arriving in a couple of days. She hadn't mentioned anything to him about what had happened with Jamie, but that was a worry she'd have to deal with later. Because of all days, Tom Christie had called earlier, arranging to meet with her this afternoon to further discuss his book's publication. She hadn't anticipated meeting up with him for another week or more. Maybe it was a good thing he'd decided to show up. It would certainly be a much-needed distraction from the growing worries she had of Jamie. But first, she needed to book a bed and breakfast room in the village centre, a request her uncle had explicitly stressed as he didn't want to stay in Jamie's cottage to watch them canoodle, as he'd gruffly pointed out. But Claire highly doubted there would be any danger of his uncle witnessing that anytime soon.

Grabbing her coat and bag, she headed out. She was just stepping across the threshold when she caught sight of Jamie's sister walking towards her. What is she doing here? The last time she'd seen Jenny was when they were first introduced, and back then, she hadn't failed to notice the lukewarm reception. She'd tried her best to dismiss it as overly protective sibling behaviour. But something had been niggling in her mind lately ever since Willie mentioned Jenny's meddling with Jamie's love life.

Bracing herself, she forced a smile. "Hi, I'm just on my way out. Does Jamie need some fresh shirts?" She jerked a thumb over her shoulder. "I can quickly grab some if that's what you came here for."

There was an awkward silence. "I ...ah, I'm here to see ye." Jenny held up a plastic container. "Oh, and ma made these ... it's rhubarb pie. And she's asking after ye."

"Oh, that's thoughtful. How are ..."

"Do ye have a moment?" Jenny interrupted out of the blue.

Claire paused. Though feeling like she was in this weird bubble filled with fog and not in the mood for small talk or niceties, she stepped back and waved Jamie's sister in. "Sure. I suppose I can spare a few minutes."

Jenny nodded gratefully and stepped inside the cottage. Claire watched her cross the room to place the rhubarb pie and her shoulder bag on the dining table. She started to wring her hands, possibly because she'd realised Claire wasn't going to initiate the talk. 

"Jamie is taking steps to get better," Jenny began, facing her.

"I know."

"Of course, you do."

Claire tamped down the urge to roll her eyes. "From what Jamie's told me, that's what he's been doing all his life, hasn't he?"

"Yes, that's true."

She sighed, impatience beginning to creep in. "Jenny, why are you really here? Please let's not pretend that you like me. You practically ignored me when we first met, and you've made no attempt whatsoever to get to know me. I am not expecting us to be the best of mates just because I'm with Jamie, but I do expect manners. So, I am asking very kindly if there's a reason for you taking over my precious time, please spit it out."

Jenny's eyebrows hit her hairline. "I ...uh ...I came because I wanted to see you. To check if ye're alright."

"Willie's been doing that but thank you anyway." She had no time for pussyfooting around. Pulling her coat tighter around her, she made a move to leave. "Well, I need to get going. Please thank your mum for me for the pie. I'll have it later with coffee when I return. And regards to your da as well." She pulled the door open.

"Wait ..."

"Yes?"

Jenny let out a rickety inhale. "I'm sorry, okay? I came to apologise. You're right. I was downright rude." Her lips barely moved when she said the words. It was as if it's taking a lot out of her to admit to her faults. "I have no right to meddle in my brother's affairs, moreso make ye feel unwelcome when ye're the one Jamie wants to be with." Her shoulders lost most of their tension, but the lines of her body were still strained tight. "I was worried about my brother making trips to London, and ye ken the reason why. I thought by not acknowledging ye, ye would eventually go away for good. I ken it was wrong. I shouldn't have behaved the way I did."

"But making me go away wouldn't have made a difference to his condition. Jamie would have continued to have those panic attacks."

"I ken," Jenny shrugged. "It was a dumb move, and I feel stupid for it. I realise that now. I dinnae ken what I was thinking. I'm so sorry, Claire. Can we start all over again and be friends?" 

Claire felt a spark of sympathy for Jenny. In that brief moment of admission, she'd kind of started to like the girl in front of her. Though she knew it would take a while before they could converse without feeling awkward, at least this was a start. Claire smiled genuinely for the first time. "Of course. I understand now why you felt the way you did." She glanced at her watch. "But in as much as I'd like to continue this bonding, I really need to go. I have a few errands to run. Shall we talk another time?"

"Oh aye, I completely forgot ye have someplace to go." She whipped around to grabbed her bag but knocked it to the floor instead, spilling its contents. "Ach, so clumsy of me," she muttered, getting onto her knees. "Ye go ahead, Claire. I have a spare key. I'll lock up once I'm done,

Claire immediately crouched down to help, grabbing feminine bits and bobs that were scattered on the rug. "Two pair of hands are always quicker getting the job done," she assured her.

"Aye, I guess so," Jenny mumbled as she skimmed the area with her eyes looking for anything she missed.

Claire scooped the loose pennies that had rolled off and slotted them into Jenny's bag. Then she picked up a slip of paper and was about to hand it to Jenny when she realised it was a newspaper clipping with her surname printed on it. Curious, Claire unfolded it and was surprised to see it was a small article from Oxford Mail about her family home, including a small line mentioning her as an heiress. Though she was aware of the article's existence, she was shocked to see it in Jenny's possession. What is Jenny doing with this?

Blood drained from her face when she recalled Willie's story about Jenny playing matchmaker between Geneva and Jamie. Didn't Willie say Geneva comes from a well-off family, Jenny's perfect solution to Lallybroch's financial problem? Claire skimmed the familiar article once more, the worth of her property jumping out of the paper: three million pounds. A sudden sharp pain slammed into her chest.

Claire held up the newspaper cutting to Jenny's face. "Why do you have this?" she whispered through numb lips.

Jenny's face was white as a sheet. "I ...it was given to me."

"Is this the reason why you're suddenly nice?"

"No!" Jenny licked her lips, thoughts racing behind her blue eyes. "I swear to God, I meant what I said earlier ...that I’m sorry. It has nothing to do with ..." She waved a hand towards the paper Claire was holding. "...that."

Claire scrambled to her feet. "You're sorry?" Her voice was high-pitched and unnatural, but she couldn't help it. There's a rumbling earthquake beginning to take place inside her. "When did you start feeling sorry, Jenny? After you read this?" She crumpled the piece of paper and threw it on the floor. "Did you really want to be my friend? Or was that all hogwash too?"

"Claire, please." Misery slashed across her face. "I realised my mistake when Jamie took off with his car the other night, and Willie spent hours looking for him. My parents, husband and I were up, and we were worried sick. My constant meddling has made him fled and taken him away from ye." She wrung her hands together. "I was a bloody idiot for thinking I was doing what's best for my brother when, in fact, I was making things worse. And Jamie's now miserable because he thinks it's all his fault when really, it's mine. Ye have to believe me when I say that piece of paper was given to me. I never sought it myself. It was handed to me."

"Good God, are you listening to yourself?" Her voice had been reduced to a whisper. All she could see was Jamie's guilt and tortured face that day when he'd told her about his fight with Jenny. His pained expression before he'd sped off to the night and her fear of the unknown. The many times he'd excused and apologised for his sister's behaviour because he thought Jenny was doing it out of love when Claire could clearly see it was all out of selfishness. "Let me get this straight ...you only recognised your mistake because you became worried sick after your brother took off. Are you even aware that you've been treating him like an imbecile all this while as if he can't decide for himself? This was never about him, Jenny, is it? You're only thinking about yourself. The other night scared the bejesus out of you because you knew well you were part of the reason he took off. Tell me this ...how does it feel like to be riddled with guilt now, huh? Try multiplying that guilt by a thousandfold and remind yourself that's what Jamie feels every day of his life. And if you think saying sorry will make things right again, you need your head thoroughly examined. Jamie loves you despite all your meddling, and you unashamedly continued to manipulate him. So excuse me if I have trouble believing a single word you're saying now. Because you know what the bloody hell this looks like? Your apologies to me sound like you're trying to manipulate me as well. And all because I happen to own an impressive three million pound property."

"No!" Jenny shook her head in despair. "Everything else is true ...but not that about yer property." There's a tremor in her voice and shame in her eyes. "I stopped by yesterday to apologise to ye, but ye werenae home, and when Mrs Fitz from across the road saw me, she handed me that newspaper clipping. I swear to God, Claire, I came to ye even before I knew ye had that property."

Claire couldn't stand there and listen anymore, not after what she'd gone through the last couple of days. She needed to let all her frustration out, or she'd implode. "I don't trust you, Jenny. If drivel could bounce, you'd be in the bloody orbit by now. Unfortunately, that won't happen, so I'm out of here. I can't stand being here any longer." The words exploded out of her and popped in the air like bright red fireworks. 

Jenny fell back a step and gasped. Claire was shocked too with the words that came out of her mouth. But she took that opportunity to rush out of the cottage, not caring if it was still raining, only focusing on getting as far away from Jenny as possible.

She'd just crossed the street when a vehicle screeched to a stop and reversed. Claire kept on walking, still reeling from her conversation with Jenny.

"Miss Beauchamp?"

She stopped and glanced into the Land Rover window that stopped by her side and noticed a familiar face. "Yes?"

The man tipped his baseball cap on his head and smiled. "It's me, Tom Christie."

"Oh ... it's you ... you're early!" was all she could say, too surprised for words.

"Actually, I'm on my way home to change clothes before our meeting. Do ye need a ride? I noticed ye dinnae have a brolly with ye, and it's raining."

Claire glanced back at the cottage and saw Jenny standing at the doorway, looking at her with that still ashen face. She'd heard rumours in the village about Tom being a ladies' man and knew what it would look like to Jenny if she got into the Land Rover with him. But she didn't give a flying fig. Let her gossip! Smiling, she nodded at Tom. "Yes, please. To the village centre if it's no trouble."

He grinned. "Nae bother at all. Hop in."

..........

"Remind me again why I'm here," Willie mumbled under his breath as they followed a young woman down a long hallway lined with modern paintings. "I thought I made it clear it should be Claire attending this therapy with ye. In case ye need reminding, I got our business to run."

Jamie sighed. "I'd rather ye're here. Ye ken my condition better than anyone."

"Is it Geneva ye're worried about?" his older brother asked in a low voice.

"God, no. I'd be more worried if Jenny came with me. Christ, she'd been pushing Geneva and me together for as long as I can remember. I ken the lass took a fancy in me, but that's all it ever was. I'm just concerned it's gonnae be weird since we ken each other."

Willie glanced at him with understanding. "There's nae avoiding it, lad. We live in a small village, and everyone knows everyone. It's the bane of living in such a place. We just have to make do with what we have."

"Aye, that's true."

The young woman in front of them turned. "The last one on the right," she smiled, pointing at the white door. Jamie wanted to say he knew his way around and that it was the same office as his former therapist but decided not to and returned her smile instead.

With Willie close behind him, he stepped forward and knocked lightly against the door. A feminine voice answered from the inside, "Come in."

Pushing the door open, they were greeted by a familiar, cosy space and Geneva, dressed in a black pantsuit with her hair done in a bun. She was sat in a dark leather armchair, looking them over with her transparent-rimmed glasses. If she was surprised to see Willie with him, she hid it well. 

"Mr Fraser, it's nice to see you again." Smiling warmly, she stood up and held out her hand for him. Taking it, she gave him a firm handshake before doing the same to Willie and motioning them towards the over-size beige leather sofa arranged in the middle of the room. "Please take a seat." Like a couple of schoolboys, they both did as they were told. 

"Before anything else," she began, looking at Jamie. "I have you here for one on one therapy. Is there a reason why you brought your brother with you?"

Jamie cleared his throat and licked his lips. "I, ah, wanted him here for moral support." 

"Fair enough. So what can I do for you?" She smiled, crossing her legs and reclining back into her armchair, a clipboard resting on her thigh.

Jamie anxiously glanced at Willie, but his brother only shrugged. "I dinnae ken where to start. Ever since yer predecessor left, I havenae been to therapy because I didnae feel comfortable seeing a therapist who knows me on a personal level. It kinda feels odd."

She steepled her fingers together, her blue eyes narrowing on him. "I understand this is out of your comfort zone and probably, for some, highly unusual. But I'd like to make it clear that I take my job seriously, and I hold myself to the highest professional standard. Whatever friendship I have with your sister will have no effect whatsoever on what would transpire within these walls. If you wish to proceed, please take a few deep breaths and just forget that you know me. In here, I am Dr Dunsany, and you are Mr Fraser."

Jamie considered her words as she waited patiently for his reply. After a minute of contemplation, he finally nodded and took a few cleansing breaths. "Fine."

She smiled. "So, first things first. What prompted you to finally see a therapist?"

He leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together. "I'm in a serious relationship." Jamie thought he saw an ever so slight arching of her eyebrow but immediately dismissed it as his imagination. "And my condition and the panic attacks are hurting our relationship. I figured in order for us to move forward, I needed to take steps in getting better."

Geneva picked up her clipboard and started scribbling. "What do you believe your girlfriend thinks about your condition?"

Jamie smiled briefly at the thought of Claire. "Weel, she's very understanding and very patient, and she's taken my condition in a stride. Like the rest of my family, she thinks I'm suffering from suppressed guilt and emotions."

Geneva paused and closely appraised him. "Why do you think she thinks you have suppressed guilt and emotions?"

His heart began to increase its pace, and his throat tightened. "Because we were both there when her parents died. She was able to move on, but I couldnae," the words came out rapidly.

A whoosh of breath came from Willie.

"Why do you think she was able to move on and you couldn't?" she pushed, seemingly unaffected by Jamie's revelation.

A bead of sweat formed on his forehead. "Because it's my fault that she grew up without a family."

He heard Willie's breath hitch, but Geneva ignored his brother.

"And why do you think it's your fault?"

His mouth became dry, and his tongue thick. "I didnae run fast enough to get help when their car crashed. If I had, she wouldnae be orphaned today. If I was stronger, I wouldnae have needed to run off and get my godfather, and I could have pulled the door open myself and saved her parents as well."

"You look like a strong man, Mr Fraser. Why do you think you needed to run and get help to pull the door open?"

"I wasnae big enough back then. I was only ten." He dropped his head into his hand. "And she was so wee ...crying for her ma. All I could do was hold her." 

He started to hyperventilate as the image of Harry staring at him through the window, sprung to life. It was the last image he saw before the car had exploded.

Sensing his discomfort, Geneva stood from her armchair and retrieved two bottles of mineral water from the mini-fridge, handing them each to the brothers. They both gratefully accepted, taking large gulps.

When he got his breathing back under control, she proceeded. "I understand now your frustration at not being big enough to carry the task out yourself and why you had to get your godfather." She scribbled a few more notes on her clipboard. "I'm going to go back to the question you haven't answered yet. Why do you think your girlfriend was able to move on from her parents' death?"

He squashed the empty bottle of mineral water. "She was too young then to understand any of it, just a wee bairn when it happened."

"And so were you."

"She was five, and I was ten. I was old enough to be able to do something about it, but I couldn't."

"Your godfather, who was old enough and stronger than you, was unable to do anything further. Do you think it was your godfather's fault?"

"No! Of course, not. He tried his best. We got her ...Claire, who's m-my girlfriend now, out first and my godfather made me take her to safety. But the car caught fire, and it exploded."

"So it's not your godfather's fault, and yet you think it was your fault."

"Yes!"

"Why would you think, after all the efforts you and your godfather have done to try and save your girlfriend's parents, it's still your fault?"

"It was the way he looked at me."

"Who looked at you?"

"Claire's father. Just before the car exploded."

"How did he look at you?"

"He was just staring at me."

"And you can't get that out of your head?"

"No."

A mild frown of concentration descended across Geneva's face as she flipped through the notes on her clipboard. She reached out for a manila folder on a coffee table by her side and browsed through it too. "This is a great start, Mr Fraser," she continued. "From what I've here in your history with your former therapist, this is the first time you've ever talked about an experience from your childhood. This is highly interesting. Care to tell me why you've never talked about this before."

"It's a memory that I've forgotten, and it's just resurfaced recently."

She arched an eyebrow. "How recently?"

"A few days ago."

"Can you remember what triggered the memories to come back?"

"The night I met my girlfriend's uncle on video chat."

"So, prior to that night, you had no recollection of the forgotten memory, is that correct?"

"Aye."

"Why do you think your girlfriend's uncle triggered all the memory to come back?"

His fingers began to pick at the water bottle label. "He looks exactly my girlfriend' father."

A long silence ensued.

Geneva placed the clipboard by her side and uncrossed her legs. "That will be all for today, Mr Fraser. We've covered enough to have something to work on."

Jamie's head shot up. "So that's it? That was quick," he pointed out, glancing at his watch.

"Oh, we're far from done, Mr Fraser, but you've revealed more than I anticipated, so I decided to stop while we're ahead. Thank you for answering all questions as openly as possible."

"So what's yer diagnosis?"

She tilted her head to the side. "I believe you have a lot of misplaced guilt about your past that may be hindering you from moving on. So ...what I would like you to do is ...I want you to think about how you want your future to look like. Think really hard and try to dig deep. Next time we catch up, we'll discuss everything in details." She stood up, and Jamie and Willie followed suit. "I'll see you next week. My assistant will write down the date of our next meeting. You can pick up your appointment card on the way out," she smiled, opening the door and ushering them out.

The brothers walked out quietly together, both lost in their own thoughts.

"That wasnae too bad, was it?" Willie asked as they stepped out of the building.

Jamie shook his head. "No, no' at all." His head was still buzzing from the session, so he didn't really have much opinion to offer.

"Perhaps next time, ye can bring Claire with ye."

At the mention of her name, he pulled out his phone from his back pocket. He'd silenced it all morning as he'd prepared himself for the therapy but was disappointed to see there was no new message from her. "She hasnae messaged."

"I'm no' surprised. You havenae been returning her calls. And ye have no excuse, lad, because I left ye a charger at Lallybroch."

Jamie followed his brother close behind as they made their way to the car. "How do ye know I've no' been returning her calls?"

"She told me."

"How is she?"

"Find out yersel'."

A familiar bright red Fiat slowed down next to them just as Jamie was about to get into the car, and Ian, their brother-in-law, poked his head out of the window. "Hey, lads, guess who I just saw back in town?"

The brothers looked at each other and shrugged. 

When Ian stalled, Willie blew out an impatient breath. 

"Out with it!" Willie grumbled. "I've been away from work for far too long already."

Ian grinned. "Yer pal Christie."

Jamie waved a hand in the air in dismissal and turned to open the car door, not particularly interested in hearing the latest coming and going in Broch Mordha. "I'm pretty sure the lassies will be thrilled he's back."

"Aye, ye're probably right, but I dinnae think ye'd be too pleased to hear if one particular lass is enjoying his company."

Jamie whipped around. "What do ye mean?" He sounded like someone just launched a flying rugby pass onto his stomach.

"Saw Claire and Tom through the window of Slater's Arms. Probably sitting down for late lunch."

His heart and brain must have swapped places because suddenly, his heart seemed twice as heavy, and his brain thumped against his skull. "M-my Claire?"

Willie tipped his head like he's on the brink of calling Ian an eejit. "Hold up, this could all be just an innocent thing. Wasnae Claire supposed to be meeting with someone from here for some book publication?"

"Nae way!" Ian shook his head. "Christie doesnae look like the type to string a sentence together, never mind write a book."

"Alright," Jamie breathed, propping his hands on the edge of the car's roof. His brain was barely functioning because it was knocking against his temple, making him see red. He'd completely underestimated his ability to let her go, thinking he was doing it for her own good. Claire hadn't called today because she thought he'd given up. Ah, shite! He felt he was going to be sick. "I need to go and see her. Now."

"Fuck!" Willie muttered. "I'm coming with ye." Then he bent down to Ian's eye level and pointed his index finger at his brother-in-law. "Next time, run this kind of info by me first."

Ian smirked. "Fine. But I'm coming too. I'm up for seeing a bit of nefariousness."

Jamie was already in the car, fastening his seat belt. "Let's go!" 

  Dear Readers,

Whew, that was a long chapter. I'm literally drained; nevertheless, I'm feeling a sense of satisfaction that I can post it today. My eyes are wonky, though, from editing, and I was about to go through it again when I thought, ah bugger it, I will do the grammar check tomorrow.

Before I say nighty-night, thanks for your feedback from the previous chapter, and I'm looking forward to what you think of this next one. I know it's slow going, but I really wanted to cover as many plot holes as possible. Slowly but surely, I'm getting there. Anyway, take care always and keep spreading kindness and love. Until the next update, much love! X

[thegreenwolf]

(This post was originally posted on my blog at https://thegreenwolf.com/its-okay-to-not-hustle/)

There’s this meme going around Facebook right now, saying “If you don’t come out of this quarantine with a new skill, your side hustle started, or more knowledge, you never lacked time. You lacked discipline.” Thankfully multiple people have already skewered it, but it continues to be shared around by the sort of person who is trying to one-up everyone else, or who’s just plain clueless–or, for that matter, just trying to guilt you into buying whatever they’re selling.

Now, there’s not a damned thing wrong with self-promotion. That’s how indie artists, authors, and other self-employed folks get the word out. You have to be able to talk good talk in order to get people’s attention. But leading with this meme? Guilting people for not leaping from sudden unemployment straight into the thick of the ever-shifting gig economy? That ain’t gonna fly, Brocephus.

You Have Good Reasons to Slack

Excuse me while I dust off my counseling psych degree a sec, here. *ahem* We are in a very sensitive, turbulent time right now. We’re in the middle of a pandemic, the likes of which hasn’t been seen in a century in the Western world. We are in a hugely traumatizing situation here. Not just for the financial losses, but the fact that COVID-19 has killed thousands of people and left many more with permanent lung damage. We still haven’t gotten a handle yet on exactly how contagious this thing is, how long you’re contagious for, or whether you’re immune once you’ve had it, assuming you survive. We don’t have adequate testing, emergency rooms estimate that for every positive test there are 10-20 people out there infected and untested, and everyone with a cough is suddenly Schroedinger’s COVID case. Governments worldwide are slow to react in spite of the rising death toll. People have had friends and family die horribly from this thing in a short period of time. Even people who didn’t already have issues with anxiety, depression and other mental illnesses are feeling stressed, strained and scared–and, yes, traumatized. This image is guilt-tripping people who are actively being traumatized.

So we’re already starting with a populace that is dealing with this collective trauma, as well as whatever personal trauma each individual is experiencing. Not always easy to seize the day when you’re going through that. And I can think of a few other reasons that might further complicate this whole “Just get a side gig!” thing:

–They’re a parent who suddenly has all their kids at home, all the time, demanding time and attention and food, AND they still have to work eight hours a day from home, or maybe even more if their S.O. is unemployed/sick/etc. By the way, if someone trots out Isaac Newton or William Shakespeare or some other historical guy who managed to do epic things during a pandemic, remember that they usually had wives or servants to do all the laundry and cooking and cleaning and (if applicable) childcare for them.

–They’re disabled or chronically ill, and don’t have the ability/energy/etc. to just go and make something happen, just like that. Imagine if you just randomly got the fatigue from a really bad flu, and you never knew whether it was going to last a day or a month. And if you tried exerting yourself when you were feeling better, chances are you’d slip back into fatigue-land. That’s what a lot of my chronically ill/etc. friends have to deal with, to say nothing of issues with accessibility of resources for starting a side gig.

–They don’t have any money for the supplies needed to start a side hustle, or the supplies have been hoarded by hobbyists preparing for a Pandemic Staycation.

–They don’t have the skills for something that just requires what they already have (like, for example, writing on a laptop you already happen to own). Often these skills are things that can’t be perfected in a few weeks at home, but may take years to develop before they’re really marketable–like, for example, the skill to make a decent living on side hustles.

–They have anxiety, depression or other mental health conditions that make it hard to function even in the best of times, but even moreso in this…well…mess. Even people who were mentally healthy before are going to be developing diagnosable anxiety and depression disorders before all’s said and done. And speaking from personal experience, those of us who look successful on the outside can still be internally hamstrung by these conditions at times.

–Plus there’s the fact that we’re not supposed to, you know, leave our homes, which narrows down the field of potential side gigs by a lot.

Even doing something less financially-wrought like learning a new skill or subject takes time, energy, and sometimes money, any or all of which may be scarce for the reasons above and more.

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

I am saying all of this as someone who is arguably an expert on the side gig. I have spent the past eight and a half years 100% self-employed (and a lot longer doing it part-time) as an author and artist, able to cover all my bills and expenses, and for a time I was the primary breadwinner of a multi-person household. I have like ten different things I was doing for a living before this all hit, a pretty diverse set of streams of income, even if most of them just up and evaporated in the past few weeks. And while I’m definitely a hell of a lot leaner now than I was a month ago, I still have my head above water for the moment. So I think I know side gigs.

I’m one of the lucky ones. I’m overall healthy. I have a dog who is a lot less demanding of my time than kids would be. I have my own space where I can focus more or less without interruption. More importantly, I have the skills, the knowhow, the drive and the personality to go out and seek new opportunities. And I’m used to fluctuations in income, though admittedly this one’s unprecedented. Don’t gauge yourself by where I am now. I’ve spent twenty-two years building up my art business, my first book came out in 2006, and I’ve had a series of really good opportunities come my way that I had the privilege to be able to make the most of. I am not your measuring stick, so don’t say “Well, if she can do it why can’t I? I must suck!”

If you’re feeling crappy because you aren’t hopping to it and carpeing the diem and getting everything done, here’s what I have to say to you: Look, you just had your world turned upside-down. Job loss, scarce commodities, sudden lack of outside childcare, restricted movement and inability to be around much of your support system, and did I mention a pandemic is happening, too? Any single one of those things would be difficult for just about anyone to deal with, never mind all at once. And I don’t even know what all else has already been going on in your life–unstable or unsafe living situation, other health issues, breakups and other losses, interpersonal conflicts. You know, normal life stuff.

You’re Not Lazy, or Screwing Up, or (Gods Forbid) Undisciplined

It is totally okay if all you’re doing right now is surviving. It’s okay if you feel like you’re drowning, overwhelmed by all that’s happening both on a global level and more personally. It’s okay if all you can manage right now is to get out of bed and stumble through each day a moment at a time, struggling with a tidal wave of emotions. It’s okay if you’re just trying to keep your kids busy, dealing with a crowded home every single day, or trying to keep COVID-19 at bay. It’s okay if, instead of firing up DuoLingo or opening an Etsy shop, you spend your evenings vegging to Netflix or reading a book or playing hours and hours of Animal Crossing.

Not every moment in your life has to be about being productive even in the best of circumstances, and that goes exponentially so right now. Be patient with yourself, and be kind. You may be one of those folks who literally has to spend all their time scrabbling to try to cover the bills or get some leeway from bill collectors, and you have to dedicate your waking time hunting for resources just to try to get through this week. Believe me, I feel for you, I have a lot of friends in that situation right now, and I hope all of you can find some relief and assistance.

May I suggest something? If you have the energy for something more than the bare essentials of getting by, put that energy toward self-care, whatever you can manage under the circumstances. You can use it to recuperate, to rebuild your emotional and physical resilience. That way if things get rough again in the future, you have more internal reserves to build on. If your usual methods don’t work or aren’t accessible due to lockdown, ask others what they’re doing to keep themselves grounded in this trying time.

Just because you have more time doesn’t mean you don’t have to throw yourself right into something productive! Don’t feel pressured to just go-go-go the moment you have a little freedom to move. If you do decide you want to try a side gig, or a new skill, or learn all about some specialized topic of interest, go for it! If you have the energy and attention and opportunity to pursue something new, it can be a great coping skill during this traumatic time. Just don’t pressure yourself; keep it fun.

One last thing: I want you to save the image I have at the top of this post. And then if you see someone post that meme, saying “Come on, you lazy bums, get up and make that side gig happen! Learn new stuff! Do all the things! No excuses!” you pull out this version, and you look at the edits, you remember that it’s okay to be where you are, and you get back to doing things at your own pace no matter what someone else says. (I find visualizing stapling a printout of the edited version to the offender’s forehead to also be therapeutic, but that may just be me.)

Hang in there, okay? It’s going to be a rough time, but you’re not alone, and what you’re feeling right now is shared by so many people. So just let yourself be where you are in this moment, and we’ll see what hope tomorrow brings. And remember that whatever you’re capable of in this moment: it’s enough.

Did you enjoy this post? Please consider supporting my work on Patreon, buying my books here on my website, buying my art and books on Etsy, or tipping me at Ko-fi!

[cruelfeline]

I find this to be one of my favorite Entrapdak scenes. Well. "Favorite." It's not heartwarming, obviously. Hordak is at his worst here: the most aggressive he's been towards Entrapta since she installed herself in his Sanctum. It's unpleasant to see, the sort of thing that makes one cringe upon viewing, and yet... it's interesting, this show of aggression. It's interesting to pick apart, to understand why he turns on her so suddenly, to assess if he's actually dangerous, abusive, when acting this way, if he truly means her harm. And, at risk of bringing down the wrath of a huge portion of this fandom, it's interesting to compare it to some rough Catradora moments, too.

First and foremost: why does he lose his composure here? Is he simply angry about the portal not working, as he suggests? Is he using his aggression to force Entrapta to work faster, to intimidate her as punishment for a lack of progress? Mm... I don't think so. I don't think his aggression is an attempt to bully or hurt or control Entrapta in any way. If it was, we’d have seen it more often during their other scenes together.

To my eyes, Hordak has abysmal emotional coping skills. Like, he is almost entirely deficient in any sort of ability to identify, manage, and resolve his own negative emotions in a healthy manner. Which isn't surprising, y'know? He's a clone soldier who was likely never meant to live his own, free life; he would have never had any sort of education in emotional coping skills.

In this scene, Adora says the magic word. She says "fail," and we all know that Hordak cannot handle the thought of being a failure, of being a defective clone good only for death on the frontlines. 

He loses his composure immediately upon hearing this word, and said composure loss leads to a flare-up of his condition. His armor sparks, he collapses to his knees, and he experiences what is not just a moment of weakness in front of an enemy, but essentially a confirmation of this failure.

I can imagine how he feels: beyond just the physical pain of the flare, I can imagine his shame, his self-loathing as his weakness is laid bare for this supposedly ineffectual young girl to see. I can imagine that little voice in his head telling him that she's right.

And because Hordak lacks any and all healthy emotional coping skills, he addresses these painful thoughts the only way he knows how: with anger. Now, you'd think he'd direct that anger at Adora, but he actually does something I've seen stressed, emotionally aroused, frightened animals do: he redirects the aggression.

Redirected aggression is a term describing what happens when an animal, displaying aggression towards a particular subject, cannot reach that subject, or is interrupted in some way, and instead redirects onto someone or something unrelated. Think of... oh... getting bitten while breaking up a dog fight. Or trying to comfort a cat hissing at a stray outside the window, only to have the cat bite or swat at you instead. The animal's aggression isn't meant for you, but you are the closest thing to vent their distress upon, so you end up getting hurt.

Now, Hordak is obviously not an animal (does this happen in humans? I have no idea), but he appears to behave along similar principles: angered by Adora's words, distressed by his health issues, he reacts violently toward the gentle touch of Entrapta's hair. Not because he's angry at her, or because he's trying to intimidate or hurt her, but because he's in a stressed state and snaps at even a slight stimulus. He likely would have reacted this way to anyone, and it's just bad luck that Entrapta was the one to provide that stimulus.

It's like a dramatic version of being grumpy after a bad day at work and snapping at your friend when they ask you what's wrong.

Is it a good thing, or even a neutral thing? No, obviously not. It hurts Entrapta and potentially leaves her wondering if perhaps he is rejecting her (especially, I think, once she’s been on Beast Island for a while). It’s something that he should apologize for, should he ever get the chance, because it was entirely uncalled for and hurt someone who only wanted to offer him comfort. 

That said, is it a truly dangerous, abusive thing? Is it intended to hurt and control someone close to him? I don’t think so, really. I can’t see it as such. Rather, it’s an indicator of Hordak having poor emotional responses because he does not know how to handle his own sense of inadequacy and shame. And acting out because he has underdeveloped coping skills. 

A bit of an aside: does Hordak need to learn to extinguish his anger? Well; I would say that that’s a bit more complicated. 

While Hordak would certainly benefit from learning to handle his emotions in a less damaging fashion (eg. not lashing out at others), I don’t think the answer here is teaching him to suppress anger. Anger, healthily experienced, is a perfectly normal emotion; it should not be marked as a negative thing. More importantly, it’s not the root of his problem. The root of Hordak’s problem is his own dismal opinion of himself, the shame he feels when his body falters, or when he’s unable to immediately succeed in a task. This is what ultimately needs to be addressed; once that happens, I have a sense that these sorts of outbursts would diminish and eventually cease.

Now, I’m going to switch gears here and talk about some similarly unpleasant moments between Catra and Adora, mainly because these moments, to me, appear much more indicative of a dangerous relationship and serve as evidence of emotional abuse. They serve as a good counter-example of what I would consider abuse, rather than what Hordak does to Entrapta.

if I disappear in the next 24 hours it’s because the Catradorans have retaliated ;)

So. How are Catra’s interactions with Adora more abusive than Hordak yelling at Entrapta and swatting away her hair?

Actual physical fighting/clawing/legitimate bodily harm aside, when Catra taunts Adora, there is a sense that she is specifically targeting her in a way that she knows will hurt. 

It’s difficult to read these moments as “Catra vented shame and self-loathing on someone who touched her at the wrong time.” In many of them, Catra is entirely in control of herself and the situation, not off-balance in front of an enemy, recovering from a shock as Hordak was. She takes her time to engage Adora in a very deliberate manner. She’s cunning. She’s practiced. She’s predatory.

She belittles Adora, focusing on aspects of the girl’s life that she knows cause insecurity and doubt. Aspects like failing her friends, failing the world, being at fault for other people suffering and dying. She does this with complex, thought-out dialogue, planned jabs at Adora’s self-esteem. There is a legitimate cruelty to how Catra speaks to her, for she appears to delight in watching Adora distress and doubt herself as a result of her taunts. 

Comparing these moments to Hordak’s outburst, one can appreciate the difference: these calculated personal attacks are a world apart from someone briefly lashing out in an instance of sudden pain. There is no mistaking that there is an intent to harm here. Rooted in a traumatic childhood or not, there is no discounting that a targeted, focused emotional assault on someone, specifically picking out and using their deep insecurities, is an abhorrent thing to do. 

So. Back to Hordak and Entrapta. Certainly not their finest moment, but it’s not something that makes me worry for Entrapta’s safety (while Adora’s safety in terms of Catra... hmm...). Rather, it makes me sad; I know that it stems directly from Hordak’s insecurities and, rather than being something he truly meant to do, likely contributes to his low self-worth. I would not be surprised if his snapping at her ended up being one of the things that led to him believing Catra’s lies: he was mean, he was aggressive, and so he didn’t deserve Entrapta’s friendship. He lashed out at her, so she left. She left, and it was his fault. Not true, of course, but I can see him rationalizing it like that.

My takeaway: he needs to work on this, of course, but like many of his issues, I feel that the key to resolution lies less in manipulating his specific behaviors (ie. there’s no reason to punish him for it) and more in addressing the root cause. Hordak needs to unlearn the shame and self-hatred he’s been taught to feel whenever he falters. At the same time, he needs to learn healthy ways of expressing his emotions. And while he may end up making further missteps along the way, I don’t worry for Entrapta or any future companions he might have. There’s nothing predatory, nothing cruel about this aspect of him. Rather, there’s further proof of deep-seated insecurities and inexperience that can be eased by patience and care.

[uwuprime]

Robot syntheia sounds cool. What about other stuff? ADHD robots even? Autistic?

Y'all don't even know.

My degree path is in Computer Systems. This is literally My Thing, trademarked, capitalized, underlined. I'm also definitely not neurotypical, if my therapist is to be believed.

[Ursula voice] Its all I do, its all I live for...

Cybertronian Neurodivergence and You: A Guide, Part 1!

First things first, I'm gonna hit y'all with a few statistics, so play with me in this space for a minute. The tolerance, or the electrical voltage/current level of error a tpyical solid electrical component can take, is around +/-5%. Anything within that range is normal, but above that, things start to get weird.

Most components can be made to be more or less sensitive. Some pecision-made electronics can have an over/under-charge allowance of as little as +/-1%. Some are made with a tolerance of as high as 20%, but most things beyond that point are like fuses and breakers, partly mechanical and meant to stop the current moving through a circuit (break) when a certain threshold is reached to avoid fire and other damage-related hazards. That's just straight-up components though. There's also acceptable failure rates for logic and other computer chips, cabling, and power sources. What I'm trying to say here is that not only is neurodivergence and even physical failure/defect in Cybertronian biology possible, if we follow TF's throughline of human-cybertronian parallels, its likely much more common than you think!

I can especially see this in things like sensory overload. Imagine if it was something that was literally quantifiable. Especially in logic circuits and computing, there are certain things you just aren't meant to do with a circuit at the same time. You only have a limited number of inputs and outputs, and if you exceed what the circuit is capable of you can quite literally induce something known as a "panic" state. Panic states in computing are actually quite aptly named: they occur when either capacity is overloaded or an input that isn't understandable is applied, and the computer quite literally fails to continue making logical decisions/outputs. If you've ever heard the term "kernel panic," you have the right idea. The Blue Screen Of Death is along the same lines.

This leads to incredibly erratic responses, and if a circuit isn't built to self correct, it needs to be manually reset by an outside technician. I'm sure that fic exists already.

So, panic, anxiety, and related issues? Absolutely plausible. Moving on.

There's definitely parallels in ADHD and priority selection, both in a hardware and software sense. If there's more than one input to be handled by a single circuit, one needs to have priority, or the system won't set or reset properly. This leads to errors in your output, ranging from math/logic errors to Panic, as described above.

Now, notice that what I've talked about thus far has been in reference to external/user-input errors. Internal calculations and output errors is where that acceptable failure rate lies. If, say, your failure rate is also 5%, and 100 logic chips are needed to make a circuit, five of them are anticipated to be faulty. In the real world, this is where you would test for and replace the broken part(s), but in this context it could extend as a sort of stand-in for genetic disorders, predispositions, and other in-born traits.

Autism is a great example, here. Not necessarily in the context of a logic "defect," but in the way that there are structural differences between the way the metaphorical schematics look and the way a logic circuit functions. Under some conditions, one might not ever notice, but if certain inputs or calculations are along the "wrong" pathway, it makes the system Panic, or otherwise function unpredictably.

Dyslexia and other information processing issues could also be explained this way, as they've been actually observed in real life. Cascade failures occurred in early hardware very often, resulting in incorrect letters being input or output, dropped letters, and, in instances where code was dependent on the letters as data, complete failures in both software and hardware, including Panic.

And again, that's pertaining to a normal "structure" with "abnormal" processing results. What I've covered so far does not cover what one might call traumatic errors: shorts, overheating, power surges, open circuitry, physical disturbance, the list goes on.

There's going to be more on this topic, especially since I also have asks on the physical side of Cybertronian biology that are just as interesting as this was!

The ask is open, if you want more!

[empmoniitor]

HOW WORKPLACE BULLYING INVITES LEGAL COMPLEXITIES FOR ORGANIZATIONS?

Once in a while, every employee has suffered workplace bullying or harassment, producing an extensive level of demotivation and self-question. Unfortunately, it is not merely a childhood dilemma but in adulthood too. According to some studies, bullying is the reason behind someone’s mental problems, suicidal acts, and emotional stress encompassing the globe.

Technically bullying in the workplace is defined as an abuse of power. It can be humiliating, intimidating, and degrading employee behavior and often creates a sense of helplessness in the target one.

Bullying is different from aggression. Aggression may mean an individual act. Whereas bullying involves repeated attacks against the victim, creating an ongoing pattern of behavior.

Workplace bullying is a dominant matter of concern for organizations and causes a downward slope in the productivity and efficiency of employees. Sounds haunting, right? In this blog, we will further break the terms related to workplace bullying, the laws associated with it, and if you got into trouble, how to get over it. If you want to know how to avoid workplace bullying and its side effects, please read ahead.

EXEMPLIFICATION OF TERM WORKPLACE BULLYING & ITS TYPES :

Defining workplace bullying can be a persistent pattern of behavior that causes physical or emotional stress and humiliation. It can be of companions and occasionally assistants. This leads to non-productive behavior towards the organization.

Here is an example of some workplace bullying are;

Unwanted criticism

Criticize without factual justification

Being managed differently than the rest of your workgroup.

Being cursed at

Being screamed at or being denied

Being the target of practical jokes

These are some actions involved in workplace bullying, and, at certain times, it comes from unethical behavior from the employees and results in targeting individuals. There are some types of workplace bullying, let us witness, so please keep reading along;

FEW TYPES OF WORKPLACE BULLYING

Assertive Bullying: The most common image that appears in the mind when someone mentions bullying is the situation of bosses yelling at their employees, screaming, getting angry at small ignorable things. The side effect of bullying does not threaten the targeted person nor all the co-workers who might get intimidated by the subsequent victim.

Institutional Bullying: It occurs when a workplace allows, acknowledges, and even promotes bullying to practice. This type of bullying might incorporate nonsensical result objects, quarries, and enforced overtime that can not hold up.

Verbal Bullying: This type of bullying could include humiliation, personal jokes, gossip, or other spoken abuse, leading to targeted personal demoralization and insulting situations. Verbal bullying can leave persistent scars that damage the victim for time. Many tormentors practice their verbal messages to injure or insult the target. Therefore, technically physical and verbal bullying often go hand-in-hand.

Prejudicial Bullying: Bullies based on someone’s culture, spirituality, or sexual orientation are ordinarily considered prejudicial bullying. Prejudicial bullying majorly consists of physical, verbal, or cyberbullying. Targeting someone who acts or looks differently or favoring someone and degrading someone is prejudice bullying.

WHAT ARE THE CONSEQUENCES OF WORKPLACE BULLYING?

Workplace bullying creates team turnover, desertion, and the productivity level to go downhill. Employers encounter complex problems and cause the organizations to carry a bag of losses and suffering. Undoubtedly, bullying in the workplace not only brings suffering for employees but also employers too.

Here are the after-effects of bullying for both employers and employees.

BULLYING IN THE WORKPLACE SIDE EFFECTS IN EMPLOYEES;

Stress

Emotional trauma

Anxiety

Sleeping problems

Lack of self-esteem

Suicidal thoughts

BULLYING IN THE WORKPLACE SIDE EFFECTS FOR EMPLOYERS-

Low productivity level

Towering absenteeism

Depressing work environment

Constant searching out for the replacement

Expense over legal actions and investigations

You might be thinking that people at work are selecting the victims or somehow hunting the most vulnerable for bullying. Well, it is not always the case if you have been bullied or abused and doubting own-selves. Why me?

We have listed 04 reasons why people become the target of workplace bullying;

PROFICIENT EMPLOYEES

Majorly the targets are the skilled and talented workers who receive a lot of attention, are knowledgeable, dedicated, and creative. Employees who get an appraisal regarding their hard work and creative minds attract workplace bullies to an extent.

There is also some evidence that depression and other stress-related conditions might attract the attention of bullies. If you are living with any of these conditions, it is vital to take treatment. Talk to your healthcare provider about your symptoms. Depression, anxiety, and stress-related problems should never be left untreated. What’s more, bullying will exacerbate your symptoms.

ADMIRED OR GENUINE PEOPLE

An employee who is caring, friendly, and collaborative is the one who gets undoubtedly targeted. Victims are the most proficient, supportive, and well-liked employees. However, this does not mean that you have to adjust your behavior or nature, but you get insights into being targeted and bullied.

NON-CONFRONTATIONAL OR VULNERABLE

Discouraged, introspective, and submissive employees might bring the attention of bullies toward themselves. Significantly melancholy, stress-related dilemmas and non-confident employees are the ones who get bullied and abused in not only the workplace but also in day-to-day life.

BEING OBSERVED AS PREJUDICIALLY

Bullies are targeted by gender, age, race, and religion. The reason for being bullied can be any disability or disease, or some prejudicial reason against any individual. Technically, workplace bullying targets the people who are deviating from them in some other means.

All along up till this section, we have learned what workplace bullying means and who are the preferred targets. Let us see how to deal with it and what to do if you witness some of it.

Also, we recommend that you don’t ignore it even if you are not the victim. Because these types of exercise are illegal, although if not stopped early can be turned over to you too.

05 TACTICS TO DEAL WITH WORKPLACE BULLYING

When witnessing this type of abuse, it is obvious and natural to feel weak and vulnerable, but there is a solution for every problem. So if you are experiencing any bullying, here are some tactics that can help you learn how to tackle & actions to take to stop it. Some actions to take when you witness bullying are;

01 – REPORT AND TRY TO SPEAK ABOUT IT

As soon as you experience workplace bullying, try to report it on an immediate basis. If you are not comfortable talking to the supervisor or administrator, the Human resource department is the best place to go. It is always best to report about something that traumatizes you instead of suffering it.

02- DOCUMENT AND COLLECT THE EVIDENCE

It is the safest option to prove yourself right, keeping on track of abusive actions. Try to note down the date, the time, the place, and witness that bullying. Remember to keep safe all the evidence related to the bullying, like notes, comments, or emails. These shreds of evidence will help you to prove your case.

03- SEEK HELP FROM YOUR CO-WORKERS

If you feel comfortable, try to seek help from your co-workers. Talking always helps to solve the most puzzling situation. Communicate with professionals, friends, therapists, anyone with whom you are comfortable. This way, you can explore ways to cope up with the situation.

04- LEGAL GUIDANCE

Legal actions may not be possible in case of workplace bullying or abuse. Although, seeking legal guidance can help you to sort this situation to a certain point. Look for the workplace policies and any legal issues related to bullying, ragging, and abusing. This way, you can take some low-level actions against the abuse.

05- CONFRONT THE ATTACKER

The last of the action is confronting the attracter, only if you are comfortable doing so. Seeking out the help of your trusted one and defy the attacker with talk and ask to stop it. Remember the old saying that it is always better to confront your situation rather than hiding or avoiding it.

HOW CAN EMPLOYERS PREVENT WORKPLACE BULLYING ?

A little slight ignorance of administrators can result in workplace bullies. Organizations have been applying strict workplace policies to avoid such situations. Apart from strict policies some of the measures are necessary to dodge this situation in the company.

AWARENESS-

One of the efficient methods to deal with workplace bullying is spreading awareness and encouraging the employee to report it.

MONITORING-

These days, monitoring employees is the most preferred and reliable way of avoiding workplace bullying and abusing situations. Time tracking, monitoring, and managing tools can be the best aids for ensuring the employees should only focus on work and maintain a healthy work environment.

EmpMonitor is a cloud-based software that can monitor, track and manage major office-related tasks. With this real-time computer monitoring software, you can view activities as they happen and manage them instantly.

ATTENDANCE MANAGEMENT-

No longer need to rely on hard copies to maintain attendance. EmpMonitor tracks accurate work hours and manages the attendance department, removing the cluster work of marking the attendance. The unbiased extract ready-made report makes the management task easy, also minimizing the chance of tampering.

TIME MANAGEMENT-

EmpMonitor assists in managing the time and tracks the employee’s presence and productivity. The generated report can be accessible to the supervisor that can help to optimize your team efficiently.

AUTO SCREENSHOT-

Customizable monitoring parameters and random screenshot capturing can help ensure that the employees stay on track and productive.

RESPONSE –

Quick and immediate response and actions against it can encourage other staff to speak up against it. Once reported, the strict steps are mandatory by transferring, or if required firing the culprit.

HOW WORKPLACE BULLYING LAWS MESS UP WITH ORGANIZATIONS ?

Nearly every country has its laws against workplace bullying in different forms. Queensland, Australia, follows a code of practices especially for workplace bullying- The Prevention Of Workplace Harassment Code of Practice, 2004. Spreading awareness among the employees about the laws and policies against workplace bullying will automatically discourage the culprits from the abuse.

Check Out Our Latest Blog : Employee Satisfaction Survey- Check What To Ask And How? Instagram Account Types: What’s The Difference Between Personal, Creator, & Business The Ultimate Revelation Of YouTube Shorts

WHY IS PREVENTING WORKPLACE BULLYING SO CRUCIAL?

Workplace bullying is not different than sexual harassment or rape, it is furthermore illegal, and now is the high time for any organization to stop and take precautionary steps against it.

However, with the mass strength of workers, no department can keep an eye on the employees, and not everyone dares to complain and speak up against it.

With EmpMonitor, you can track and monitor the activities of the employees, measure their productivity, and idle time-wasting on other activities apart from working.

Workplace bullying not only affects the physical and mental health of the employee but also hurts the reputation of the employer. It can dissuade people from entering the company. Additionally, workplace bullying can bring unnecessary legal difficulties which no organization wants to attract.

The moral of the story is that workplace bullying can damage the company’s reputation, affect employee productivity, demotivate and bring mental complications for the individuals. Therefore organizations must put an end to this type of illegal activity.

Originally Published On: EmpMonitor

[scripttorture]

I'm writing a human character in sci-fi setting who has been betrayed by his friend and is then kidnapped and phycologically tortured by the friend to the point after he escapes he has severe PTSD. I'm struggling to write it though as I'm not sure what kind of mental torture he could be put through without going over the top. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks

I’m going to start off with a possibly obvious point: kidnapping is traumatic. If the main thing you want from this sub-plot is to give a character PTSD you don’t need to go any further then that. Not everyone who is kidnapped will develop PTSD but it’s a realistic outcome.

 So…. Phycology is the study of algae, I’m assuming that’s not what’s meant here. But if it is then please correct me and I will happily spend some time reading up on algae to help you out. (That is not sarcasm, teach me about algae.) :)

 I am guessing that this is a misspelling of ‘psychologically’ and this is someone new to the blog who hasn’t heard The Talk about ‘psychological torture’ yet.

 So going forward: Anon it’s OK to make mistakes. I’m here because I understand how hard it is to find good quality information on torture. And because I understand how much misinformation is popularised in both fictional and allegedly-factual media.

 I strongly advise that you don’t use the phrase ‘psychological torture’ in your writing.

 Torture isn’t psychological. There’s nothing clever or psychological about hitting someone’s feet with a stick.

 And the phrase ‘psychological torture’ has been used for years by torture apologists. They use it as a way to dismiss survivors and belittle their experience. They do that by declaring that some types of torture are ‘just’ psychological; using this term to suggest particular tortures don’t cause physical harm and that survivors are faking their responses.

 This is bullshit. Don’t buy into it. Don’t support it.

 Torture is physical abuse and physical harm. The lasting psychological symptoms and effects are due to underlying changes in the structure of the brain which happen in response to extreme pain and stress.

 O’Mara, the neuroscientist who wrote about torture, likened it to brain damage. He also went so far as to argue that it’s deliberately inflicted organ failure. And you know what, I’m not a neuroscientist, so I’m not gonna argue with that assessment.

 I don’t know what you’re picturing when you say ‘psychological torture’. You haven’t given me a time frame for how long this character is held or information on the kind of culture this fictional world has. Which makes it hard for me to suggest specific things.

 What I can do is give you an idea of what torture looks like now and what sort of effects you’d expect in survivors. You can then consider whether torture is right for your story.

 Most torture nowadays is ‘clean’. Now different researchers use different terms for this (I use Rejali’s term) but what it essentially means is: a form of physical abuse that is extremely unlikely to leave obvious physical marks on the victim’s body.

 Lest you get the idea that is represents ‘advancement’ most of the clean torture techniques currently used are hundreds of years old. Some of them are thousands of years old.

 There’s been quite a bit of debate in the field about why clean torture is currently so common and why so many organisations have abandoned scarring torture. You can read more about that over here. Or if you feel you have a wealth of time on your hands you can try tackling all 800 pages of Rejali’s Torture and Democracy (highly recommended, also very large).

 The theory Rejali puts forward is that the shift is about evidence. Obvious physical injuries make it easier to build up cases against torturers.

 And a lack of obvious physical injuries can be used to discredit survivors.

 These are the sort of torture techniques that get labelled ‘psychological’ as a way to dismiss them: the ones that are being used around the world today.

 If you’re wondering what sort of thing I’m talking about things like sleep deprivation, beatings (yes this can be done without leaving obvious marks), near-drowning, forcing someone to exercise until they collapse, Tasers.

 I have a post here on typical torture practices in different countries in the modern era.

 While the physical effects of clean tortures are hard to definitively prove we’re still taking about incredibly dangerous things.

 Tasers, used according to the instructions, leave no mark on the skin. They can also cause heart attacks, seizures (in vulnerable individuals) and often cause death by falling injuries. Forced exercise, beatings and stress positions all cause kidney failure. In the case of stress positions that’s after the swelling in extremities that gets to the point of popping the skin open in massive ulcers.

 Sleep deprivation causes a whole slew of interestingly awful physical and psychological effects before (according to studies in mice) leading to death from multiple organ failure as the microbes in the gut take over the entire body.

 What I’m trying to say here is that if you’re looking for something dignified, without the vomit and pus and shit, then torture probably doesn’t fit the bill.

 And clean tortures can still cause physically disabling injuries.

 Drowning and choking tortures (such as water boarding) can cause brain damage. Incorrectly applied restraints can lead to a limb needing to be amputated.

 On top of all this are the long term psychological effects which I have a post on here. Memory problems are discussed in more detail here.

 PTSD is a possible symptom but it’s not guaranteed. The truth is that while we know the possible symptoms different individual survivors develop different symptoms and we don’t know why.

 If you’ve thought about it and you want to use PTSD because it adds something to your story then by all means do so. But don’t feel that it is your only option.

 Survivors do recover. They are not ‘broken’ and unable to live or enjoy life. They’re mentally ill and often disabled and recovery is a process of learning to live with their conditions.

 Wrapping this up: think about what you’re writing.

 I am not saying that you shouldn’t write torture. I am not saying that you should. I’m asking that you, and every other writer who comes here, consider what you’re committing to.

 If you don’t want a character to be dealing with multiple complex mental health problems for the rest of every story you use them in, it’s probably not a good fit.

 If you want something that doesn’t have even a chance of causing lasting physical damage, torture is probably not a good fit.

 Picture where the story is going. If you think the narrative could be the same without torture then you’re probably not capturing the scale of the impact torture has.

 I have a post on common inaccurate tropes here. I have a post on researching torture here. I have a list of sources over here. I also have a lot of asks tagged as sci fi.

 Consider why you want to write torture in this story. What is it adding to your narrative? What is it doing?

 If the main thing you want is this character to have PTSD afterwards that is possible with kidnapping alone. Physical attacks make PTSD more likely but they’re not necessary for its development.

 Kidnap and imprisonment is betrayal enough. It is reason enough for all the big, powerful emotions you want to put into this relationship. Ask yourself if torture really does add any more to that.

 I hope that helps. :)

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[reliciron]

Eternal Empire After Effects

In addition to that post I made a while back about how your characters deal with either the boost in Force sensitivity or the brand new sensitivity for your smugglers/troopers/agents/bounty hunters. I want to talk about the general fucked up-ness that the Commander has to deal with post-KotET.

Like DAMN. Bare minimum, they’ve had to deal with carbonite poisoning, the general mind games of Valkorian, and then they had their mind literally broken in the last chapter. At worst, they get all that, plus taking a lightsaber to the gut. To say nothing of having to fight an impossible war for a little over a year straight with everyone’s hopes and dreams riding around on their shoulders.

A lot of the posts I’ve seen about other people’s ocs has some form of lingering effects from everything. And I just want to talk about it for a minute, cause I live for filling in the scenes we don’t see. [Take this with a grain of salt, as I’ve never played a dark side character, so my perspective will be skewed.]

Long term physical effects:

They were poisoned slowly over the course of 5 years, you can’t tell me that one little dart thing can fix that, at least not right away. This could take the form of lingering nausea, migraines, dizziness. The symptoms of heavy metal poisoning would fit well here. And I hc my consular as having some permanent nerve pain from it.

The stab on Asylum is absolute bullshit in the game. Valkorian or no, there’s no way they’d be walking out. I think I posted a pic I took before, but the stab is easily close enough for the heat transfer to damage the spine. Bone cracks and warps with heat, so you can see the problem there. The wound is almost dead on for where the stomach sits and the lungs, liver, kidney, and intestines are all in range to get badly burnt (yeah I know, alien anatomy might be different, but we’re assuming its mostly the same).

We’ve seen what a lightsaber can do to a blast door in The Phantom Menace, take that and apply it to a person, and Arcann held that blade there a loooong time.

Yes, Valkorian saves them, but I think of it more as he kept them from dying, and not, he completely stopped the blade from cooking them from the inside out. So the three days Lana mentioned are horseshit. The Gravestone’s tiny ass med-bay is absolutely not equipped to handle an injury like this.

I always figured a better way was Valkorian kept them alive long enough for Lana to threaten her way onto an appropriate station and made the doctors fix them. Even so, getting what amounts to several organ transplants, implants to bypass possible spinal chord damage, replacement ribs and vertebra, and a whole lot of skin and muscle grafts will leave your Commander pretty messed up, even with magical Star Wars tech and Force magic. And their allotted recovery time seems to be the length of the base’s construction on Odessen, so there’s no way in hell they’re really done healing by the time they have to go back out into battle.

Specific injuries aside, a year is a long time to fight more or less constantly. At least during the base game you sort of had rests between chapters. They’re gonna rack up an impressive list of injuries, alongside wear and tear like their knees and feet having trouble from the constant running and jumping. And their elbows and shoulders will break down from hours upon hours of absorbing the recoil of a gun or the constant flurry and clash of a lightsaber.

Long term mental effects:

As ugly as the physical stuff is, the mental effects are just as bad. Depending on what class they are, having the goddamn Sith Emperor riding shotgun in their head will fuck them up big time.

Classes who faced off with him more-or-less directly, like the Knight, Consular, and Warrior, are going to have the worst time of it because they KNOW what this sort of thing leads to. The warrior has seen the dead eyed puppet on Voss and knows that could be them soon. The consular had to deal with the emperors children and the First Son. They’ve seen a prominent and powerful Jedi master absolutely crumple under the power of the emperor and he wasn’t even IN there. And Knights have already experienced the emperor’s control first hand.

Not to say the others won’t have trouble with it, it’s just that the reasons will be a little less direct. The smuggler and bounty hunter are used to being their own people, not tied down to anything or accountable to anyone, and now there’s the threat that everything they have will be taken from them and there’s no amount of sneaking or shooting that will save them. Troopers built up their command from basically nothing and now they’re Republic heroes, but Valkorian now threatens the lives of everyone they’ve sworn to protect. The agent is easy, they’ve suffered mind control before, they’ve been slaves in their own body, and they’re terrified of it happening again. And inquisitors were literal slaves who clawed their way to the top, and they’d sooner die than be a slave again.

So just having that asshole there means constant stress for the whole of KotFE and KotET. Insomnia must be a given. How do you know you’ll wake up as YOU? That Valkorian won’t hollow you out in your sleep and walk around in your skin the next day? And for the Knight, Agent, and Inquisitor, I’d think panic attacks are probably a thing, even if they don’t let anyone see it.

The stab will definitely cause some trauma. Pretty sure any wound that gruesome would. And if they didn’t have nightmares before, they sure do now and I’m willing to bet that they might shy away from lightsabers for a while, which leaves an interesting dilemma considering they’re in a war with Force-users, and some of them are Force-users themselves.

Fighting a guerrilla war with an absurdly powerful adversary has to be incredibly taxing, especially for classes who’ve never had to command anything. Smugglers and Bounty Hunters are very screwed here, assuming they care about running the Alliance well. And the burden of saving the galaxy is a heavy one. I can definitely see classes who have saved the galaxy multiple times to be getting increasing bitter about always having to be the one to clean up the messes. Why are THEY the ones who always have to suffer? Why isn’t there ever a hero to save THEM when they need it?!

Agents get their own little special bit here with the bullshit that is Vaylin’s conditioning. They know exactly the kind of misery she’s going through, the powerlessness that one single phrase or word causes. I can understand that the writers couldn’t figure out or bother with a whole separate scene of the agent refusing to use the conditioning, cause then they’d have to figure out how to not have Vaylin murder them on the spot. But goddamn we could’ve at least seen them struggle with it! Maybe an extra few lines of them pleading with Vaylin because they desperately don’t want to use her control phrase. Ugh, at least behind the scenes an agent can have a break down about how they’ve become exactly like the intelligence officers who’d decided that they were too much of a liability to go without a leash they could pull. And now they’ve pulled an identical leash on Vaylin.

And then we have their mind being broken. That could be a post in and of itself. Valkorian came within a hair’s breadth of destroying them entirely, and they were so broken that they didn’t even know their own name. And in the space of 10 or so minutes, they scrape themselves together and fight a god. It’s very impressive (and I’ve got my own issues with that fight) but I don’t think you can pull yourself together that fast after being that messed up without some lingering issues.

Chronic insomnia and night terrors, full blown PTSD, panic disorders, severe anxiety; something THAT traumatic will absolutely leave marks.

And after that? They just keep going. Yeah, things calm down, but they’re still at the head of a very powerful faction now (if not ruling Zakuul), there’s no going back after this. And they’ve got a massive restoration project ahead of them as tensions continue to simmer between the Republic and Empire. The more dutiful characters must be near the end of their rope. There’s no rest, just the next fire to put out, and they continue to run themselves into the ground. And the more flighty characters are now forever shackled by the Alliance. There’s no flying off into the sunset for them. No more anonymity as a bounty hunter or smuggler. Their old life is over, whether the wanted it or not. And how can they really relax when there’s this many people looking at them for direction. They’ve become just like those asshole military leaders who they used to mock.

And for just about all of my characters, they hide it. No one can know that they’re falling apart at the seams. Either it’s about personal pride and acting unphased cause they’re just THAT good, or because they’re trying to be the leader the Alliance deserves and don’t want to disappoint or frighten them by showing just how badly they’re coping. Either way there will be a breaking point.

And even after it all comes out in the open, and they (hopefully) get the help they need. It’s never completely over. Chronic pain and fatigue, depression and anxiety, persistent insomnia; these things don’t just disappear, they’re an ongoing struggle that helps color their future actions.

I just… I really like considering things like this because it hits close to home. Seeing them struggle with some of the things I deal with makes them feel more like people. Cause god knows the writers aren’t gonna put this kind of stuff in there.

[dlkardenal]

Sociopaths  – The guy we imagine when we hear the word “villain”

When I did my research about the topic, I was pleasantly surprised, that there are more and more articles out there that point out the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath. I admit it is hard enough to spot either and even harder to tell which one we see because there are a lot of overlaps between the behavior of a psychopath and a sociopath. Sociopathy is not a diagnostic term in psychology, instead, it is called antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), and I think it is only fitting to call the child by its name.

Let’s start with the similarities! Both psychopaths and sociopaths lack empathy and tend to manipulate others, and because of that, they can walk down the dark path towards being a criminal. Although some say that people with ASPD have a conscience – that little voice in the head that tells you, that you are doing something wrong – it is really faint, while in psychopaths it just doesn’t exist. I must point out as I did in the previous blogpost about psychopaths, that people with ASPD are not all criminals. A lot of them can blend into society, although not as successfully as their more calculating psychopath counterparts, and they’re not nearly as good actors.

Why? Let’s talk about the differences.

To sum it up, psychopaths are the “cold-hearted” while people with ASPD are the “hot-headed” type of villains if we want to stay on the topic of literature. Those with the latter are impulsive and reckless, inconsiderate or disregarding the consequences of their actions. They are often aggressive, display a dysregulated temper, and thus can react violently to provocation or frustration. They don’t have the kind of self-control and acting skills a psychopath has. On the other hand, they are capable of establishing relationships and connect with others. Don’t get me wrong, they are bad at maintaining them, and because of their behavior it is challenging for their environment to tolerate them but at least these relationships are not as empty as in the case of psychopaths. They can truly care about someone or something.

From the biological point of view, ASPD is caused by a combination and interaction of genetic and environmental influences. Although we know about specific genes related to ASPD and psychopathy – for example, a gene that produces a protein that transports a hormone called serotonin in and out of brain cells, and another one that’s responsible for the breaking down and eliminating of serotonin – we can’t see clear differences in the brain structure like in the case of psychopathy, only the different activity. It seems that ASPD is more like a hormone-related thing, rather than neurodevelopmental.

Traumatic events can lead to a disruption of the standard development of the central nervous system, which can generate a release of hormones. Testosterone, for example, is a hormone that plays an important role in aggressiveness while cortisol facilitates the cognitive control of impulsive tendencies. This is important because if childhood trauma can lead to hormonal changes that distort the brain structure, it means that sociopaths are not born this way, they are made by the environment. 

Yepp, we finally arrived at the bad and/or dead parents kind of villains. 

Of course, they need to have some tendencies from birth, but the right (or in this case, wrong) environment is needed to push that button. If you want to write a villain with a tragic backstory, that they are bad because their father was abusive, or both parents were alcoholic, than APSD is the psychological disorder you are looking for.  

Another difference between psycho- and sociopaths, is that the latter is treatable… sort of. Certain, long-term psychological methods exist that can manage an ASPD patient but only under very specific circumstances: the patient has to acknowledge their disorder and show a willingness to change it not long after the trauma that triggered their condition happened. Which means during childhood, preferably as early as possible. Adult or unwilling sociopaths cannot change, and no medication exists that can ease the symptoms. And even a young kid has not even close to a 100% chance to recover from the damage. In most cases (those really, really rare cases) psychologists see a brief period of hope where the patient shows less and less ASPD symptoms, but after that they mostly regress into their original state. So I hate to disappoint you, but this isn’t the kind of villain who’ll turn their life around if enough love and compassion surround them.

To show a great example, my favorite sociopath is Sherlock Holmes from the BBC show “Sherlock”. In the first episode he even calls someone out on the difference of the two mental disorders, and I can’t think of better representation. He cares about Watson and Mary, showing clear signs that he can form strong bonds, however often disregards their feelings as the nearly nonexistent social finesse he possesses doesn’t cover such an intricate interaction with others (at least intricate for someone with ASPD). He’s sometimes seen firing a gun in the living room because he’s bored, thus confirming his lack of impulse control. He is a genius of course but acts rashly, sometimes reckless, takes a lot of risks, and doesn’t think of others while he does this. Sherlock is definitely not a villain, but as one of the police officers says in the first episode, there is always a risk the next corpse they found will be provided by Holmes himself.

If we put Sherlock beside Hannibal Lecter the difference between a person with APSD and a psychopath is unmistakable. Because Dar wants to get involved in everything, his choice for great sociopaths are either Oswald Cobblepot or Edward Nigma from the series Gotham. Can you think of another good representation of sociopaths in movies or in books? Which type of villain do you prefer better in a story? I think a psychopath with their acting skills is way more terrifying because you can never know what is an act and what is real.

Next week we either move onto the next member of the dark triad, the narcissistic personality disorder, or we take a break from the villains and talk about another popular trope, the outcasts through the lenses of anthropology.

Lory

[uk-news-talking-politics]

Week-in-Review: Tearing the heart out of London

By Ian Dunt

The heart of London is being torn out. That's the sense you get when reading this week's Economic Statistics Centre of Excellence (ESCoE) blog on an exodus of foreign workers from the capital. We are seeing covid and Brexit combine in truly awful ways to rob the city of its vitality.

Researchers Michael O'Connor and Jonathan Portes estimate that the total population of the UK fell by over 1.3 million people between the third quarter of 2019 and the same period in 2020. London accounted for nearly 700,000 of them, constituting a jaw-dropping eight per cent decline in the capital's population. It's a result of covid's traumatic impact on the tourism, entertainment and hospitality industries, which typically have a high migrant workforce.

But covid only explains what has happened now. The next part of this story involves Brexit. Free movement is over, replaced by settled status for Europeans living in the UK. Many of them will not have signed up for this status before they left. That means that many of those who left will not be able to return when the pandemic is over. They will need work visas, which in most cases they will not be able to secure on the basis of the incomes offered in the sector.

We need to be cautious about studies conducted in this period. Part of the motivation for the ESCoE blog is the obvious defects in Office of National Statistics (ONS) work, due primarily to the covid restrictions. The authors are clear that these are very rough estimates - an attempt to square the circles presented in the official data.

We are grasping around in the fog. But the picture that is beginning to emerge out of the mists is of a London that is slipping away. It is a sudden realisation that the city we return to will not be the same as the one we left behind.

London has never felt so far away. Even for those of us who live here, the centre of town is increasingly becoming a place that resides only in our memory. The streets of Holborn, or Soho, or the City, are empty or subdued. Instead, life has retreated to the London villages - the places, primarily outside of Zone One, where people live rather than where they used to work or socialise.

This new village life - when we can actually leave the house - has its advantages. There's a pleasing thrum of community and local hubbub. But it comes at the cost of the great shocking majesty of London, of a place that is very large, and chaotic, and filled with the riot of life which emerges when people from many different backgrounds end up in the same place.

London is a subject of disdain for many people. If you even mention it warmly online you will invariably be met with countless voices from outside the capital saying the most hurtful thing they can about it. People who resent London feel free to speak of it in ways which Londoners would never do about places outside.

And that's OK. It's not for everyone. Those who resent it should exercise their insecurities in whichever way they see fit. But for those of us who recognise what it offers, it is the most magical of all cities, the place that allows you to be free, in nearly every way imaginable. It is a place which hardly anyone is from, but where everyone is welcome. A place where you can lead any form of life you wish - from the most atomised anonymity to a full involvement in your community. The place where you are treated fairly and have the opportunity to succeed, if you are prepared to put in the work. A place where difference is valued, not sneered upon, both in its own right and for what it accomplishes.

These are all generalisations, of course. You'll often hear some glancing statement of prejudice on the London Tube, just as you will elsewhere. But places are built upon generalisations. The ideals of those who live within them form the basis upon which they operate. And one of the most common refrains you find in London is that sense of liberation over diversity, the sense of excitement that comes from embracing the possibilities of the new rather than the reassurances of the past.

One of the mistakes people make about London is to presume that its dynamism is the result of the number of people in it. It is not. It is the result of the kind of people in it.

Immigrants are a very particular sort of person. They are the people intent on making something of their lives. They were not satisfied with where they lived. They wanted more opportunity, more fairness, a chance to secure their dreams in a place that might offer the possibility to do it. Sometimes they moved for love. Sometimes they moved for fear of what would happen to them at home.

Whatever their motivation, people like that carry a certain kind of energy within them: a drive, an urgency. And it is that which provides the unmistakable sense of electricity you get in London, that crackle of life, the sense you have of being in the centre of the universe.

This kind of person is disproportionately likely to be successful, precisely because of that drive. But they are not usually successful at the point at which they move, or else they would have had no reason to do it in the first place.

That is the fundamental flaw in the government's oft-stated desire to attract the best and the brightest and then evaluate that metric through income. First, it reduces the notion of success to a merely financial one, when in fact it can come in the form of artistic endeavour, charity work, expertise or countless other variants. Second, it misunderstands the sequence of even financial success. London thrived because it offered people a place to succeed, not because it made success a condition of entry.

Covid has ripped that beating heart from London. But it is Brexit which means that it stays outside the body. By replacing free movement with income-requirement work permits, it will deprive the young and the ambitious from the opportunities of this place. And it will deprive this place of the opportunities which come from welcoming the young and the ambitious.

The data right now is hard to secure. Only when covid has passed will we get a better sense of just how much damage the double body-blow of it and Brexit has done to us. But it seems likely that it has robbed us of something truly vital. It will take years - and a change of government - to repair it.

This is not unprecedented. The London we know has not always been this way. Inner London's population shrank by 20% in the 1970s. The idea of a vigorously alive city powered by immigration is a relatively recent one. But if we keep in mind what made it special, if we remember the values and the qualities which allowed it to thrive, it will be that much easier to repair.

[tessatechaitea]

Justice League International #7 (1987)

Kevin Maguire not really trying looks an awful lot like John Romita Jr at his best.

Ah! It feels good to be back! Taking a crack at John Romita Jr while he's just sitting there not doing anything particularly wrong. Just going about his business pretending to be a comic book artist! I don't know what John Romita's politics are but I bet he now agrees with Donald Trump on one thing: naming your kid after you is a huge fucking mistake. Was all that previous nonsense poisonous, vile, and toxic? I suppose one could argue the point. But I'd also guess that somebody arguing that point has never seen John Romita Jr's art. Or perhaps they have seen it and like it because they have a terribly underdeveloped sense of aesthetics. Otherwise nobody would argue with me at all! They'd just read the previous poisonous, vile, toxic nonsense and nod their heads in agreement while pausing for a second to snort a line of Adderall. Fine, I'm sorry, JRJR! Obviously you're an artist! Drawing squinty people with block heads and weird noses holding geometric guns without a single curve on them absolutely falls under the definition of art! Although I draw the line at accepting that Rob Liefeld is an artist. That's a bridge too far! What the fuck does that even mean, "a bridge too far"? It must be a term bombers in WWII used, right? "What the fuck do you mean, carpet bomb Dresden?! If we fly past the Geralthauskopfplatz Bridge, we're definitely getting scrawked by anti-aircraft flak, you bingehart!" Did that sound like an authentic American bomber pilot from the 40s? It's not like Catch-22 is my favorite book or something. Wait. Catch-22 is my favorite book. I guess I'm just no good at written impressions. I assure you it sounds exactly what you'd expect from an American pilot in the Forties if you heard me do the impression live. Also, this is probably the last month of my life where I'll be able to say, "Catch-22 is my favorite book." Because I'm over 500 pages into Gravity's Rainbow and it's just as fucking amazing as everybody who has pretended to read it says it is. This issue begins with Guy Gardner regaining consciousness after having been violently assaulted by his employer.

Why was the mouse glowing green?!

In my memory, Guy Gardner's change from dickhole to sweetest guy on the team came after Batman punched his lights out. But apparently that isn't the case. It's possible this new whack on the head is the cause or maybe it's something a bit later. I bet an editorial mandate came down which said they couldn't have Guy suffer serious head trauma from Batman punching him. So they had to add this new scene where Guy basically gives himself the head trauma that results in a catastrophic change in personality. The Justice League didn't quite finish destroying The Gray Man last issue so that story gets resolved pretty quickly this issue. Doctor Fate transported him to the Realms of Order where a big blob of Order disintegrates him. Which is what he ultimately wanted. It's what we all ultimately want. It's just you don't know that you want it until you've lived long enough for all the wonder to be bled out of life. That's why he's the Gray Man! Some people think life's too short but at 49, I'm beginning to suspect that it's way too fucking long.

This comic book passes the Reverse Bechdel Test: "Any story that has only one woman in it and every scene she's in, she's treated like a sexual object."

With The Gray Man out of the way, it's time to get to the important part of the story: turning the Justice League of America into Justice League International! I wonder how many people this change pissed off in the 80s? Fucking globalist woke elite bubble bullshit! People talk in derogatory terms about the coastal bubbles but they absolutely shouldn't. I won't disagree that I grew up in a totally different environment in the San Francisco Bay Area than people who grew up in the Midwest. A bubble? Sure. But it was a fucking good thing. I was recently showing the Non-Certified Spouse some of the station breaks from local stations in the late 70s and early 80s out of San Francisco and she was amazed at the representative shorts these stations presented, especially KTVU's "Bits and Pieces." Sure, there were the ones about ethics and morality humorously presented with a horse and bulldog puppet. But there were also the ones that showed different ethnicities and their lives, often ending with "I'm proud to be a Chinese American!" or "I'm proud to be a Black American!" The one about Japanese Americans even mentioned how Japanese families were put in interment camps during World War II. One was about Italian Americans and instead of Italian history, it just showed Italian art and various activities of people in the Italian community. One of the Japanese American shorts just had a Japanese American kid having to explain how he was tired of answering questions about being Japanese in America because he was fourth generation and just American as anybody else. But I guess that kind of commie pinko hogwash is why I'm a big fat America hating socialist! As I was saying before my politics politely interrupted (my politics interrupting impolitely would look like this: Trump voters should be forced to shit in their own mouths for all eternity), the main thrust of this story is to set up Justice League International. Judging by the cover, that means hiring some guy with a bucket on his head from Russia and Captain Atom, another white American male.

Ah yes! The introduction of the best character of the series: Big Barda!

Big Barda might not be on the team but at least there's another female character. Sure, Doctor Light was sort of on the team for three pages. And pretty soon, Fire and Ice will join. But it's mostly just been poor Black Canary having to put up with Booster and Blue Beetle's jokes about banging her. Max and J'onn discuss the United Nations possibly backing the Justice League while Superman talks respectfully with President Reagan. What a mistake! The biggest do-gooder on the planet normalizing fucking Ronald Reagan! He should be scolding him with a liberal smattering of Kryptonian tsk-tsks! That's when a Kryptonian gives you a little burst of heat vision every time you deny the AIDS crisis or invoke the spectre of Welfare Queens or destroy the economy by lowering the top marginal tax rates pretending that the money saved will trickle down to everyone instead of fat corporate cats simply keeping all the extra for bonuses and investors. Fuck that guy. I'm so mad now!

Of all the digs they could have taken with Reagan, they poke fun of his dementia?! Christ, Giffen and DeMatteis.

Hal Jordan drops by headquarters to give Guy a good talking-to but Guy doesn't need it because he's suffered a traumatic head injury on top of his brain damage alongside Batman's sucker punch to the face and now he's Mister Sweetbeans. And because he's acting so nice, nobody gives a shit that this is actually a medical emergency. Backing Maxwell Lord is a computer satellite in space. Is it Brother Eye already?! Are they already working together in 1987?! Or is it just some alien gizmo from the Millennium bullshit coming up? I don't remember! Heck, this Maxwell Lord might even be a Manhunter! Anyway, the satellite begins destroying shit on Earth with a giant heat beam. The Justice League, having nearly nobody who can do anything about it, doesn't call Superman to fix the problem. Instead, they decide to spend precious hours borrowing a space shuttle from STAR Labs to launch them into space to battle the space station. Also, they leave Guy Gardner back at headquarters on monitor duty. Because who needs the guy with experience battling in space with a ring that can protect every other member of the League while in space? Also the ring is the greatest weapon in the universe. So, you know, sideline that guy, right?

It's possible this was in the era where Superman couldn't survive in space either, really. But then that's even more incentive to get fucking Guy Gardner up there with them!

The Justice League manages to stop the satellite's destruction but mostly only because it was a huge set-up so every nation could see them save the world. Everybody wants them defending the planet now so the United Nations agrees to back them with one condition: two new members, one to pacify the U.S. and one to pacify the U.S.S.R.

I've read a lot of ridiculous things in comic books but Rocket Red's power levels being nearly equal to Captain Atom's might be the most ridiculous.

I love how Captain Atom's power level is 9+ but Rocket Red's power level is 8.43 instead of 8+. I guess the accuracy of whatever system they're using breaks down over 9. Captain Marvel quits the team and Batman steps down as leader so J'onn can lead. And that's about it, I guess! The issue ends with some kind of flim-flam about how its the 80s and we've become a global world and boundaries just don't work anymore and superheroes are cool as shit. I guess it's inspirational or something. There's still just one woman on the team though. Justice League International #7 Rating: B. Seven issues in and the Justice League has defeated two villains who weren't actual threats to anybody. They were just scams to get the Justice League some press. They also beat up and killed an old guy who was just frustrated with the boredom that came with the immortality the Lords of Order forced on him. So all in all, they're nearly as terrible as the New Titans who practically only ever battled relatives while putting the residents of New York City in danger every time.

[brindlestorm]

Is It Ashfur?

SPOILERS FOR THE SILENT THAW PREVIEW AND SQUIRRELFLIGHT’S HOPE BELOW

Also, it’s hella long. Sorry about that

So, is Ashfur possessing Bramblestar? That’s the most common theory, though a lot of us don’t like it. A new character would be refreshing as the villain if a bit confusing as to why they have a grudge against the clans.

[Again, spoilers for Squirrelflight’s Hope]

Near the end of the book, Squirrelflight and Leafpool arrive in Starclan and are greeted by Larksong, who died of poisoning (a mouse ate a plant that made it poisonous to cats) and his son Flickerkit (who was named in Starclan, Flickerkit’s name was the key to getting Sparkpelt to believe that Squirrelflight was in Starclan for a period of time).

After reuniting with loved ones, Firestar takes Leafpool and Squirrelflight to see Tallstar, Bluestar, Crookedstar, Yellowfang, Littlecloud, and Moth Flight to be judged before Starclan. An important thing to note here is that Squirrelflight and Leafpool are the ONLY CATS known to be able to argue their place in Starclan.

All these cats were ones that the two knew at some point in their lives, and I believe that Moth Flight was there because Leafpool specifically broke her code.

The point here though is that cats like Hollyleaf, Ashfur, Appledusk, Ravenwing, Yellowfang, Bluestar, and others didn’t have to prove their case to be allowed in, despite their crimes.

(Their ‘crimes’ listed here)

Hollyleaf- Broke the code, killed a clanmate, abandoned her clan Ashfur- Attempted to kill his leader and four of his clanmates Appledusk- Took a mate outside of his clan, didn’t help kits cross the river, therefore, letting them drown. Ravenwing- The catalyst to Mapleshade’s breakdown, if he kept quiet the kits would be alive, indirectly broke the code. Yellowfang- Took a mate as a medicine cat, didn’t help her son down the right path which led to more suffering. Bluestar- Took a mate outside her clan, almost ignored one of Starclan’s prophecies for her kits, took her kits to Riverclan in the dead of Leaf-bare which lead to Mosskit’s death, ignored Goosefeather’s warnings about Tigerkit, didn’t acknowledge the signs that he was a traitor, eventually declared war on Starclan (Yes, I know that this was because of her depression and paranoia, I’ll get to it soon).

Obviously, I don’t believe that Blue, Holly, Yellow, or (begrudgingly) Raven deserved the Dark Forest, Hollyleaf was protecting her family, Bluestar was dealt a ROUGH life, Yellowfang more than made up for her crimes, and Ravenwing was doing his job.

But Starclan was hard on Squirrel and Leaf, to the point that I holey agreed with Squirrelflight’s sentiments during that whole segment. 

But where should Starclan be drawing the line?

Blue, Holly, and Yellowfang ALL held remorse for their actions. Ashfur didn’t, and I doubt Appledusk did either. Ashfur knowingly tried to get Firestar killed, we don’t really know if him sending Birchpaw to warn Brambleclaw was an act of cowardice for what he did, or if it was part of the plan to get Brambleclaw to the scene so it could be pinned on him.

Ashfur tried to kill the three, one who was his former apprentice, another a loyal warrior, and a blind MEDICINE CAT APPRENTICE. He knew what he was doing, he had a motive and a clear mind. He let them live because he believed that by revealing this secret, he could uproot Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw’s ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP, therefore causing more damage

(Tbh, I like to think that if the three hadn’t found out about Leafpool’s side and Ashfur went forward with it, Squirrelflight would have admitted to adopting them as kits, but because they needed a mother, which she wanted to be. She then would have told Brambleclaw that she was afraid she may never be able to have kits so she adopted without telling him. THEY WERE STILL THE THREE’S PARENTS DAMMIT)

Appledusk was an asshole, moving on.

I’d like to compare Ashfur and Mapleshade for a moment, their situations seem rather similar.

Both- Fell in love, only for it to end badly

Ashfur was replaced by Brambleclaw (Same clan relationships) Mapleshade was replaced by Reedshine (Different clans)

Both- Felt cheated by the ones they loved Mapleshade- Actually had kits with this mate Ashfur-  Didn’t have any kits

Mapleshade- Wanted to have a life with Appledusk after being banished with her kits Ashfur-  Attempted to make Brambleclaw look bad to win Squirrelflight back

Both- Wanted revenge when they were wronged by their clanmate(s)

Mapleshade followed through Ashfur was not able to (Whether out of cowardice or being thwarted, I am unsure)

Really, the only difference between them was that Mapleshade was able to get her revenge when Ashfur couldn’t.

BUT

Mental Illnesses are canon in warriors

Bluestar- Depression, anxiety, paranoia, dementia Graypool- Dementia Ravenpaw- General anxiety Goosefeather- Delusions Sol- Sociopath (as confirmed by Vicky on her facebook page) Hollyleaf- OCD (Personal opinion, she was obsessed with the warrior code to the point that she actually scared Jaypaw at one point)

And those are just the ones that I know of.

Mapleshade also suffered from delusions after the traumatic death of her kits, she believed that she was actually seeing and hearing her kits telling her to get revenge so that they could be at peace in starclan. And considering that warriors DO believe in ghosts and the afterlife, this is an entirely plausible assumption.

Now, in Starclan we know that cats are judged before they actually wake up in Starclan or the Dark Forest, which means that if we can assume that these cats have human-level intelligence, they also have some sort of trial system. Which also means that they have set-precedents.

Mapleshade going to the Dark Forest should have set the precedent that any cat who breaks the code and takes a mate outside of his or her clan (and kills other cats) should go to the Dark Forest as well.

Bluestar went to Starclan, despite taking Oakheart as a mate and indirectly killing her own kit by taking her into unsafe conditions during Leafbare.

Silverstream went to Starclan, despite taking Graystripe as her mate and died in the process. Her death doesn’t necessarily absolve her of her ‘crime’, but she went to Starclan anyway.

It probably looks like I’m grasping at straws here, but that’s the point I’m trying to make. Starclan drew the line too soon, and as such became more understanding when warriors sought mates outside of their clans.

Mapleshade was Starclan’s first mistake, though she did kill three cats (A medicine cat, a clanmate, and her former mate), she was not sound of mind when she did so. She believed she was acting on the whims of her dead kits so that they could rest in peace.

She may not have deserved Starclan, but she didn’t deserve the Dark Forest either. I remember seeing an AU where Mapleshade recovered her sanity after she died and was told that the only way she could join Starclan was to help a living cat find their way. She tries to do this in the AU but Appledusk undermines her, and she eventually considers embracing the Dark Forest’s values.

The only thing I would change about that AU is that I would make Mapleshade a ghost, stuck on the living plane until she completed her duty (and maybe she’s even granted access to the living plane whenever she wants so that she can keep helping her clanmates).

Ashfur was Starclan’s second mistake. He knew exactly what he was doing when he helped Hawkfrost lay the trap for Firestar, blocking the three from crossing the burning branch was a CHOICE, even fighting Lionpaw/blaze like an enemy warrior with the intent to HARM was a choice. Being blinded by rage is not the same as having delusions. 

Maybe Starclan allowed him to join their ranks was because they were afraid that he’d be another Mapleshade, that he’d help recruit for the Dark Forest. But Ashfur’s sentence would have been justified, more so than Mapleshade (in my opinion).

We know that Jayfeather disapproves of Ashfur in Starclan, but what about Hollyleaf? Well apparently, she doesn’t care.

Squirrelfight’s reaction to seeing Ashfur was immediate hostility, though Ashfur didn’t speak to her, merely dipped his head and looked at Hollyleaf. Hollyleaf simply blinks at him, and Squirrelflight nods curtly.

When Squirrelflight comments on Ashfur being in Starclan rather than the Dark Forest, Hollyleaf says “I guess, but he’s apologized. I think he’s changed.”

Direct quote from page 339 of Squirrelflight’s Hope

Squirrelflight nodded curtly at Ashfur. She wasn’t sure she could be as forgiving as Hollyleaf. After all, Ashfur had threatened to destroy the happiness she’d found with Bramblestar and almost succeeded.

Another thing that’s interesting about Starclan is that things seem to matter less, the problems a cat had with others in the living world are trivial when they’re dead, Hollyleaf states when asked again about if living with Ashfur is strange “Not really, after a while, things that happened in the forest seems less important.”

So that’s how Hollyleaf feels, at peace with everything. Even Sandstorm says that there’s less to fight over, but is that how everyone feels in Starclan?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just to be clear, I am neither for nor against Ashfur Being Good. I hated how his character seemed to flip around just for the sake of romance drama between Squirrel and Bramble. I wish he had a better character arc, I wish that certain things from previous books had actually affected him continued into future books rather than being forgotten.

That being said, everything I have pulled up on him has been based on what he HAS done and what the Erin’s turned him into.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, my theory here is that Ashfur is kind of at peace in Starclan. He doesn’t react badly to seeing Squirrelflight and Leafpool because he’s dead, they’re probably dying, and the Dark Forest battle isn’t something he wants to repeat.

But then Squirrelflight was able to return to the lake as a ghost by submerging herself in Starclan’s Moonpool.

How do we know that Ashfur wasn’t watching her? What if this gave him the idea to return to the lake? He could have initially gone just to see his clanmates, but seeing Bramblestar and Squirrelflight reconcile may have returned his anger, enough to make him want revenge. 

Another thing to add here is what do we know about ghosts? Needletail and the others weren’t able to move on to starclan without help, they were trapped in the living plane as ghosts. We don’t know if Starclan cats CAN return to the living plane at will, or if the Dark Forest battle was the exception.

The timeline that we have puts Tigerheartstar’s kits as still apprentices, who we know were made warriors prior to Bristlepaw and her siblings, and it’s not yet Leafbare in Squirrelflight’s Hope. This gives us a window of time that Ashfur may have used to return to the lake as a ghost. 

Ashfur has the motive and the means, his spirit likes on so there’s no confusing explanation for a supposedly double dead cat possessing Bramblestar.

And most importantly? Squirrelflight’s Hope tells us that even though many cats were forgiven for breaking the code, part of Starclan doesn’t accept that. They ARE angry that the code is being disregarded, Littlecloud even says, “What’s the point in having rules if cats can break them whenever they like?”

Squirrelflight notices how Moth Flight seems to be determined to keep Leafpool out of Starclan.

I can’t think of anything else to add, so here’s the summary of this theory

Ashfur has the means and the motives, Starclan is angered by all of the code breakers, and Ashfur has is known for taking advantage of situations for his own gain.

It could still be an ancient Starclan cat, fed up with the codebreakers, maybe even Moth Flight herself.

(Lost Stars, Bramblestar says to Squirrelflight, “You would make excuses for them, you’ve always had a soft spot for weak cats.” This could be Ashfur, or Moth Flight who was her judge in Starclan.)

Anywho, that’s all I’ve got. Lemme know what you guys think!

[noopept-blog1]

Little Known Ways to Make the Most Out of Nootropics

Chronic depression, anxiety, fatigue, and burnout are just some of the recurring terms that you hear these days. Every person is busy in the hustle-bustle of our day to day lives, and work day in and out to keep up with the fast-paced world.

Where does this lead to? Success, yes! But, it also leaves us stressed. The number of people seeking therapy and counselling has increased at an extraordinary rate. Some start using unapproved drug to cope with their thoughts. While, others just keep it to themselves.

The thing to remember through all this is depression is the symptom, not the disease. And, yes there are ways to get rid of it. Today we’ll be talking about some of the best nootropics or smart drugs that can really help people.

There are various types of nootropics available in the market. However, purchasing would depend on what you’re looking to get out of them. Are you trying to improve memory and learning? Or focus? How about anxiety/stress?

If you are looking to buy nootropics as a general sort of thing to enhance your day to day life, here’s a handy guide to help you make an informed decision.

Nootropics: Everything You Need to Know

Nootropics are drugs that are said to increase the cognitive functions of the human brain. They have gained popularity in today's highly competitive society and are most often used to boost memory, focus, creativity, intelligence and motivation.

The term encompasses a number of substances, both natural and synthesized, over the counter and prescription, legal and illegal. The common kitchen spice turmeric can be a nootropic, but so can Ritalin and even LSD.

The word nootropics is a portmanteau of the Greek words nous ("mind") and trepein ("to bend or turn"). It was coined in 1972 by Romanian scientist Corneliu Giurgea, who invented Piracetam, an early cognition-enhancing drug said to improve memory and learning.

There's an infinite combination of stacks, and because everybody's brain chemistry is different, the only way to know which cocktail works for you is to experiment. Most nootropics are classified as dietary supplements, not medications, which means that the claims made on their labels undergo much less scrutiny than prescription pharmaceuticals.

Aniracetam Benefits

Aniracetam is a drug of the “racetam” chemical classification that was initially developed in the 1970s by pharmaceutical company Hoffman-La Roche.

While it may be a safer substance than various pharmaceuticals and/or supplements, it is necessary to acknowledge that not everyone has a favorable experience with aniracetam. Certain users may experience unwanted side effects, some of which may outweigh the benefits of aniracetam and lead to discontinuation.

One of the most touted benefits of Aniracetam is that of improving memory. Studies have shown that Aniracetam enhances both short-term and long-term memory capacity in various applications. Memory improvement, however, may range from very slight to incredibly noticeable. Aniracetam primarily acts as both a stimulant and a mental enhancer. It's said to help make you more awake and alert. This is similar to caffeine.

There are many factors that may dictate whether you’re likely to experience debilitating aniracetam side effects. Examples of factors to consider as culprits of side effect induction include: aniracetam dosage, frequency/term of administration, concomitantly administered substances, and individual hepatic metabolism.

Where to Buy Noopept

Noopept is a dipeptide derivative which exhibits potent Nootropic and Neuroprotective effects, related to the racetam family of Nootropics.

It was developed in Russia, and is a prescription medicine there. Unlike many single-session experiments with this class, it did produce an effect in terms of clarity and possibly functionality, albeit subtle in nature.

These brain supplements may improve cognitive function, more specifically memory, motivation and creativity, and possibly increase the sense of smell, taste, and touch. The difference that makes Noopept a unique supplement is it effects that are felt immediately when consumed or after ingestion compared to others which nootropics that even take months, weeks and others days. Click here to read more on how Noopept works.

Noopept contains the unique Neuroprotective properties that help in preventing oxidative damages as well as apoptosis in the brain.

However, scientific research has yet to find conclusive evidence on the cognitive enhancing abilities of Noopept in healthy individuals.

Phenibut Benefits

Like most of the other nootropics, Phenibut has anxiolytic properties, meaning it creates a sense of calm in the central nervous system. Phenibut modulates neuronal excitability, which prevents the brain from becoming hyperactive

In Russia, where Phenibut has been prescribed since the 1960s, people take this substance to relieve tension, anxiety, and fear, mostly associated with mental health conditions like generalized anxiety disorder, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder.

The benefits of Phenibut often relate to calmness and a reduction in anxiety. Phenibut may also help to reduce stress and encourage a better sleep. Finding a “sweet spot” where one can feel the full effects of relaxation without impairing their mental function is how most nootropic users take Phenibut. Phenibut should not be used every day and cycled strategically in times of need.

The drug can also be prescribed to treat insomnia, and used to calm people before or after surgery. It is also prescribed to manage dangerous withdrawal symptoms from alcohol addiction.

Phenibut can be habit forming and, with that in mind, correct usage and careful dosages are strongly advised.

Final Words

Nootropic is the type of substance that may seem innocent at first, but can be quite dangerous if taken recklessly. You shouldn’t be using it as a recreational drug, NO!

Nootropics in powder form is quite popular and often preferred by other users due to it being cheaper than capsules. It’s easier to make mistakes regarding dosage when you’re approximating, which is why it’s best to measure your doses using a scale or simply go for capsules.

Any nootropic can be mildly relaxing in low doses, considerably potent as a recreational substance in moderate doses, and outright dangerous when exceeding a certain threshold.

Consult your doctor beforehand, start low and be very careful with dosing when it comes to nootropics.