#traumatic fantasies tw

[priceofreedom]

Painful memories

[the-entity-down-the-street]

Explaining my incredibly fucked up childhood to a new therapist

"Okay time for the lore drop"

[birues]

reap what you sow

Summary: Emet-Selch and Warrior of Light are having a conversation about the Reapers in Rak'tika woods, which inspires WoL to devise a very reckless plan should she fail to contain the light

Word count: 1169

TW: my WoL is not doing very well and this fiction has mentions of suicide and themes of death

***

“If you’re mayhaps done with being possessed by the beloved denizens of the 13th, dear Hero…”

A merry voice cuts through the Rak’tika woods even before Tuana feels the avatar’s presence leave– that cold, jittery cavity death could never satisfy. But it helps. Shrouding herself in the darkness from the blazing sun that radiates within her… helps. Even if it leaves her wanting to tear her skin apart afterward. 

Maybe it’ll be easier to get used to– if she fails.

Her dalliances with the dark are not for him to comment, alas when did he care? That is the man he is, walking through the threads of reality, offering scathing remarks and half-truths and nothing more. Her grip on the scythe doesn’t waver. 

She will not allow him to rile her up. 

“Upset that I stole a few tricks from your book?” she shoots back to the woods. “Your kind is awfully fond of the voidgates.” 

She cannot see him, not yet, but she can feel his presence. The way his amusement permeates through the aether. 

“Hardly, though I didn’t think you had it in you. Using the poor tortured souls of the damned for your own ends? Tsk tsk tsk…‘Haven’t your mother scolded you yet? 

For a moment Tuana’s mind lapses back to months ago—her mother. Brown eyes alight with displeasure– to see the scythe on her back. 

The subtle chiding. The hypocrite. 

But Emet-Selch does not refer to that mother. 

“We usually have more important matters to speak about, limited though those conversations are.” She shrugs. “Besides, she chose me as her Champion. Not the other way around.”

“That she did.” finally, he steps out of the shadows, though for a second Tuana wishes he never did so. Face solemn with emotions she cannot name but one shines through. Hatred. Realigning his face to his usual derisive smile takes him a moment. “Humor me, Hero. Why?”

She gives him a quizzical look. “You have to be more specific.” 

“There are a myriad of fighting styles you’ve dabbled in over the course of your short life. Why would you, the cherished Champion of Eorzea go for an abandoned orthodox practice of the enemy?”

“Your question answers itself.” He is studying her intently. As much as she wishes to do otherwise, she sets the scythe aside and settles herself on a big rock. “I was going against your dear Great-grandson.” His grimace turns hers into a grin. His family. Nothing but tools to be discarded. One part of her pities Zenos. Would he call Solus a coward if he were to know his true nature? Would his nature turn out any different if it were not for generations of neglect? “Besides, Reapers were meant to keep the Garlean rulers on the line. Seemed fitting.”

“Well, I must congratulate you on that endeavor, then. You’ve clearly succeeded.”

Ah. The barb. The knowledge of his brethren puppeteering that corpse. She ignores the phantom pain of her torso where Elibidus stroke. 

Hadn't Estinien arrived…

“It helps me succeed against the sin eaters.” She changes tracks. “What better way to fight them than to unleash the darkness upon them?”

Emet-Selch strides closer, unwavering.  “Aren't you worried your ‘avatar’ won't overwhelm you, with all the aether you grant them to feast upon?”

Ever charging to pluck out the thoughts she doesn’t want to dwell on. And he knows where to hit. Why does he know where to hit?

“Tell me, do you know how they deal with the victims of light corruption?” She asks after a pause. The moss on the rock is cold as she absently plucks them up. “When their time is up, they put poison in their favorite food. Or drink. So that they would pass to the aetherial sea peacefully. I would like to think someone would be kind enough to offer me a last plate of grapes.” He chuckles as if he caught an inside joke. “Or better, a cup of wine. Though I concede it’s a bit…”

Emet Selch sits right beside her. “Cliche? Boring?”

“Aye. Or that would’ve been my wish had I luxury to die. To fail.”

The weight of his scrutiny falls on her once again. A sigh from her side. She doesn’t look.

“So, is this truly what you desire, hero? To die?”

“What I wanted stopped mattering a long time ago, Ascian. But… No. Not yet.” She shrugs. Death is no stranger to her. “I won’t overlook the possibility, though.” 

“Ah yes.” he drawls. There it is again, sharp gaze refuting the thin smile. “Wonders of mortality.”  

“You’re hard to kill. Not impossible to kill.” she snaps. Is it possible that in his old age, he had forgotten about Lahabrea? 

 “To answer your question, I don't think Avatar is able to possess me with all the predominant light residing within me. You may even say it helps.” 

“Such orthodox methods you have, hero. Try hard enough and you might even impress me.” 

Something stirs inside her soul and it has nothing to do with the raging light. Dust of familiarity at the banter. Falling into her being like gentle snow. And just as quickly it melts before she sees the flakes.

The realization chills her bones more than the void. 

“I have every intention to do so,” she says and for some inexplicable reason, she means it. Her smile fades. This unquenchable need in her to not disappoint him…Yet, when she tries to follow the trail…

Not for the first time the questions burn in her throat. Not for the first time she holds her tongue. What would she have asked anyway? Her soul rages on but her mind finds nothing to grasp.

So she asks an altogether different question. 

“Emet-Selch?”

“Hm?”

“What do you intend to do with the Thirteenth?”

This seems to draw his attention. His squinted eyes have nothing to do with the excess of light. “Now my dear Hero, why would you ask that?”

“There is no way you could’ve forced a rejoining with its state.”

“You do not need to exhaust your pretty head for that, now.” he makes a dismissive gesture.  “What–  two worlds’ problems aren’t enough, you concern yourself for yet another?

Oh, he had no idea. 

An idea. It began to spill in her mind like the ink on paper. 

Light ink to the dark paper. A world filled with primordial light. Enough to shift the balance for the Void. The smile returns to her face. Maybe even her failure would serve a purpose. And it would not be their accursed god’s resurrection. 

“You have something on your mind, hero. What is it?” he chimes in with an annoyed voice. Careful. She needs to be careful. It goes without saying that if the Ascian gets a grasp of her plans… No. Not when she still has the possibility to fail. 

“It’s nothing important.” she pats his back, smiling, ignoring the way his body freezes for a moment.  “I shall tell you. When this is all over.” 

[r0ttingangels]

We are not human. We are not deserving of that title

We're nothing. we're just a pet, less then a pet, we're just a toy to mangle and break

At least to them

We aren't a survivor. Everyone else is, but we are a victim

We didn't survive, we are ruined, we are broken

We are nothing.

[maxellminidisc]

Honestly if i was this dude I would've just killed my mom too....she's a fucking freak naksnksskks

[angelyuji]

That’s even crazier than my idea I love it. also ford WOULD be the mf to be like “I should cum inside… as an experiment 👀 like okay bud. the phantom pregnancy idea is wild too oh my goddddd. tbh a womb is a great testing ground, he might just use you as a test tube for experimental dna hybrids, they won’t last 🤷🏻‍♀️ it makes him double touchy and possessive, his love of work culminating in his work on his love

kinda hot!

tw // yandere, pregnancy

YESSS YES EXACTLY LIKE HWOOWPP"WRFOIN: like yes thats so traumatizing and thats literally why he runs the tests and why he just falls for you even more!!! you're literally the perfect test subject for all his wildest fantasies!!!

[zeusmagnolia]

Hey, I'm ZM, and I've been topping bdsm scenes for a while now, as well as participating in the kink community at large at clubs and meet ups. I am still always learning and wanting to improving my domliness - so I will be sharing my experience/fantasies/advice/frustrations etc... here

This is an adult blog, for adults.

TW: hard kinks, cnc

If you want to ask a question on anon address me as sir.

Taken anons: 🍭🎀💍🐛🐺🦋 🐇🍰💦🦇🍓🌸🪽🍒

stuff I like: objectification, training, ownership, degredation mind break, petplay, bimbofication, cuckolding (doing the cucking), high protocol, leather, impact, blood, rope, breeding, human cattle, cock worship, size difference, monster fucking, detrans, misogyny, ddlg, forced orgasm, cnc, hypnosis, sex magic, free use, but most of all I love training and fucking my sub into a fucked out drooling mess that has cum so many times they can barely walk and then fucking them some more because they belong to me and I use my toys how I want.

limits: scat, raceplay, food stuff!

Open to DMs and asks for advice, or otherwise. My ask box is very full sometimes so I can take awhile to respond to asks. dms will get responded to sooner. I am happy to chat with folks but I am not actively looking for people to play with right now.

I want to get off on your trauma so if you are into having your traumatic experiences sexualized and being gaslit about them you should dm me.

banner and pfp are me.

[devildomwriter]

*TW*- i*cest, r*pe, g*re, p*dophilia, some general discourse

Ok so I am trying to ask this in the most respectful way because I don't wanna snowball this into a huge discourse; but I wonder if you've been seeing the Dark Content Discourse here on Tumblr?

It basically entails that despite your personal preferences, attacking/ demeaning other ppl who create/ consume dark content is a big no no because it's their safe space to be able to explore these topics. This includes all sort of stuff like i*cest, r*pe, g*re and even p*dophilia. Now you may not agree with any of these things, most ppl don't, and they might disgust you; which is totally fine. But there is a huge leap b/w something that is fictional and something that is real.

Fictional characters are literal lines on a paper. Doing anything with a fictional child does not mean you are harming a REAL child. This might still disgust you and that's fine too. You can block that person so you don't have to look at it again but to call everyone like this and start a campaign against them is well...

I just want you to know that I am not defending that person. I didn't even know them at all before this...Neither I am advocating for anything they are saying or confirming/claiming that they are good irl. I don't know them.

I just want you look at this from a different perspective and know your thoughts about this ordeal. Like for one moment step away from your pre-existing feelings and bias and look at this objectively. Everyone likes something that's even a lil problematic, so if we went on these campaigns every time, literally no one will be left in fandom. I don't agree with p*dophilia but I don't agree with this either...AGAIN THIS IS NOT MEANT TO CONDONE ANY OF THIS BEHAVIOUR! But to paint someone as a bad person for things they do in fiction in their safe space no matter how problematic, is somewhat disconcerting.

I again wanna say that this is not any hate against you or anyone else. I don't want to cause any discourse myself . I think you are an amazing writer and a valuable member in our fandom. Which is why it's important to me to hear your stance on this. But if you'd rather not answer this at all that's fine too! :>

I appreciate your perspective and I sometimes enjoy certain dark content as long as they warn others but pedophilia— fictional or not— should never be written/glorified/accepted. If it’s written as a horrible incident or traumatic backstory (like Lolita) then I understand why it’s written but glorifying or romanticizing it in any way is unacceptable.

If no one is left in the fandom after going on these “witch hunts” then the fandom is toxic, preditory, and unsafe.

As for the huge leap between fiction and reality, everything starts as a thought or fantasy. The more you think about it the more likely you are to commit or watch such an act.

Tumblr should under no circumstances be a safe place for pedophiles.

[sincerelyyadere]

December review [no spoilers] 9/10

omegaverse, alpha x omega, trust issues, soulmates (sort of), yandere/possesive, wholesome and cute, nsfw, ongoing (2 seasons so far)

Tw: nsfw, mentions of abuse and sexual abuse, blood, physical abuse displayed

I loved it so much. To be honest, never thought i would say this words about an omegaverse series, but here we are. It truly was different from all the other omegaverse you can find nowadays - i loved how in depth the explanations went and how the classism between the secondary genders was shown. I really liked how this comic included woman having secondary genders too, as it made this omegaverse be less i-fetishise-gay-people and more this-is-a-fantasy-world-that-makes-sense.

I loved the pace in which the characters relationship developed as it allowed you to enjoy the now, but also not make it so slowburn you cant take it anymore. It was perfect for me, i loved how the author teased us with the sexual scenes, denying the kisses etc (the people in the comments were going wild, but i think this sort of teasing is really hot and helps build the tension between the characters)

A lot of people in the comments were calling ML the green flag alpha and to be honest, he really was (we are speaking about a fantasy here of course, he was doing a lot of yandere shit but in the manhwa realia its just for the better hehe~). It was really refreshing to show this possesive and cold yandere be so soft to the mc, always asking for consent and checking up on him.

Also, MC is so cute and lovable my heart could barely stand it. He was reminding me visually Na-Kyum from "The painter of the night" which was really doing it for me. He was so kind to others and so selfless, but in the same time he could stand up for himself.

I loved how the comic displayed healing from trauma, and the impact traumatic events have on your loved ones, how they can sometimes be a little overprotective of you afterwards, while you try to live normally again.

The yandere parts were chefs kiss to me, i really like when bitches get what was coming for them so it was really satisfying in that way. Also i LOVED THE GRANDPA FROM THE CONVENIENCE STORE I LIVE FOR HIM.

I can't wait for the next season, will surely write an update when i read the rest^^

[limpfisted]

some disability wyll stuff regarding occular prosthesis. eye trauma tw, obviously. i do not have any eye prothesis and am not a doctor or historian, but i wanna talk about wyll seriously as disabled and fantasy disabled rep

medieval “glass eyes” were UNCOMFORTABLE.

modern day prothesis need to be removed and cleaned every three weeks or so. every six months or so, they need to be polished. debris/grit/slime can get on the outside of the eye. the eye can be scratched and grow cloudy.

the modern prosthesis needs to be replaced every so often. you’ll notice it because your eye socket will shift and change, and so it needs to be refitted to be more comfortable. your socket/eyelid will eventually start to sag, your tear ducts will leak discharge, and you might start to get infections and further dryness when it needs to be replaced.

bc wyll’s eye is a sending stone—we can assume that mizora is the only one who is allowed to replace it. we dont know if wyll is allowed to take out his eye and clean it himself—but tbh. we can make some assumptions considering the eye itself is a method of controlling him

she uses the maintenance/upkeep/replacements of the eye as a further way to control him, and probably further humiliate him lbr

we can also probably extrapolate that while his eye was damaged in the fight with mizora, mizora was the one who removed it and thats how he got the scars on his face. we don’t know if she used anaesthesia. considring the scars on the face make it seem like he at least tried to struggle, probably not

a big reason wyll is really good disabled rep to me personally, is a lot of disabled people rely on abusers as “caretakers” and then cant leave them. even when theyre not particularly good caretakers

its also worth noting again it can take people who lose an eye months to recover, WITH physical therapy. judging distances, holding things, cutting food, driving, are all things that can be hard at first. plus depression, ptsd, feeling dysphoric and a sense of loss

wyll has to relearn how to fight p much, and do it all on his own. we dont know when he got his first contract from mizora. we dont know the first time he was sent to avernus

but u can imagine mizora wasnt altogether kind about it.

in general i think wyll deserves a soft eyepatch and to never have to wear a prothesis again, that would be so traumatic tbh

[withered--s0uls]

Human & Vampire MD AU concept

Tws: childhood trauma, mention (no description of) child abuse, siblings being separated / taken away from parents, parental death

Disclaimer: I'm a System myself, so any talk about DID/OSDD1 here is based off my experiences and adjusted to fit a fantasy setting. This may not match everyone's experience with being a System and I'm sorry if it doesn't match yours or you don't feel it's accurate enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, so my Take on a Human/Vampire AU right?

N & Cyn:

N and Cyn are biological siblings. Their birth parents were not good to them. Cyn (not her name at this point) does develop DID because of this as a young child.

A conflict happens in the family and N gets separated from his sister. They lose contact. N has always been her safe person and safe space, so this experience is extremely stressful and traumatizing. This results in the system splitting a factive Introject of him. "N"s job in the system is to take care of the body physically and emotionally when need be and to be a comfort to the other alters (Caretaker/Caregiver/Soother, Emotional Protector). Aside from "N" there already were two other alters before him.

C & Y.

C is a Protector/Avenger and Gatekeeper, she typically deals with conflict and arguments and is more outspoken about things. However, if a situation requires them to seek a hiding spot for safety she will opt for that as well.

Y is a trauma Holder and little who is stuck at the time of the trauma, meaning they don't age up and are forever the age range the body was during the trauma / when the trauma started.

Throughout the next 1-2 years there are two more fully formed alters (the system probably has fragments that aren't as developed too, but I'll only touch on the alters that matter for the AU story).

Cyn & Solver.

Cyn picks her name based on the three alters already existing, She is the new host of the system (prior there wasn't a clear host). Cyns Identity also is what the system uses as their "Singletsona".

Later on the body gets infected with the vampire virus. How I still need to settle on, but I am tempted to make the parents neglect and abuse part of the cause.

The process of turning is painful and traumatic, and Solver splits. In the headspace, Solver takes the form of the body as a vampire.

Solver is a Persecutor (under the definition misguided protector - harming the system and its surroundings as a form of protection).

They and "N" tend to co front for making sure the body feeds, "N" because it's part of his Caretaker job to make sure they eat and drink & Solver bc they're the only alter comfortable with the whole Vampire situation.

Eventually Cyn finally gets taken away from her abusive parents and the system ends up in an orphanage.

Here they socially officially change their name to "Cyn", wanting to separate themselves from their past life and self. The only thing they don't want to forget is N, and they haven't heard from him since they were separated.

Until one day the Elliot Family comes to the Orphanage - or well, the parents and two of their kids. Tessa and their adopted son.

Said Son and Cyn make eye contact and recognize each other as N & his little sister. N pulls his adoptive parents aside and points to Cyn, telling them that he's pretty sure that's his little sister.

After some confirmation, both between the siblings and also with official documents, the family adopts Cyn as well, reuniting the siblings!

It seems fine until the vampire situation becomes an issue. The family doesn't know. The secret and whole vampire thing in general puts stress on the system.

Solver fronts to feed, and ends up feeding off and infecting N and V. Another night it happens again with J. (Harming the body as a form of protection in this case; making the system feel more ashamed and guilty about the vampire situation to be sure they won't tell someone who could actually hurt them.)

N, V and J after turning make sure to keep Cyn fed so Tessa and the parents never get turned.

Also technically Cyn isnt aware of the system beyond thinking the alters are "imaginary friends". Mainly bc many systems dont figure it out until they are much older so I feel making a kid aware of it would be a little inaccurate. Not saying it never happens but still.

N does take note that Cyn sometimes acts "off" but puts it down as not having seen her in 2-3 years and her probably having experienced more trauma since, not to mention the vampire situation once he learns of that.

Uzi:

Uzi lives with her single father Khan. Her mother died when she was really young for reasons Uzi doesn't know of.

Nori was a vampire, however Uzi doesn't know this. Uzi did inherit the virus but it is dormant and inactive.

Uzi is kind of an outcast at school, bullying and all, ever since she can remember. The only person who doesn't really judge her is Thad who hangs out with her sometimes.

This changed when the Elliots adopted N and he switched schools, joining Uzis class. His friendly demeanor causes him to actively try to befriend Uzi, even tho she's more than happy just hanging out with Thad occasionally. Over time however N manages to worm his way into her heart and they become friends and she starts helping him with math homework.

(V, J and Tessa attend the same school but are in parallel classes btw)

They're friends for about 1,5 - 2 years when the whole Cyn reunion and vampire infection happens.

How Uzi finds out about this is still on the table but oh well. Also, Uzis own vampirism becomes active, turning her too. Now here is two ways I can't decide between this could have happened.

N has told her about having turned a vampire, due to suddenly avoiding places with lots of sunlight and preferring evening hangouts and sleepovers over their typical day/afternoon hangouts. Also he stinks of sunscreen lol. --- one time, N desperately needs to feed but they're in a situation where he cannot do it (be it they are at school or on a trip or whatever - he cannot go away to try and find some wild animal to feed off of) so Uzi offers him that he can gave some of her blood. He hesitates, not wanting to hurt her. She insists because he's visibly not okay and she trusts him. He promises he won't turn her (as vampires can choose whether or not to inject the virus into their prey) and they get a quiet corner for him to feed off her. Everything seems fine until the following days Uzi has symptoms of turning. N had kept his promise, but being bitten awakened her own dormant virus. She doesn't know this tho and accuses N of lying to her and purposely turning her. They argue and their friendship takes a huge hit. Uzi turns to V and J instead of him to ask about what to do and how to keep herself fed and relies on V for help on her first few nightly escapes to hunt. Uzi would shut her down whenever she brings up how guilty N feels and how he misses her. She's mad at him until eventually finding out about her mother being a vampire (still deciding how) and then realizing it's not his fault. She feels guilty for blaming him and thinking he would break her trust and she then does everything in her power to make it up to him. He's upset she would think he's lying and genuinely believe that for so long, but he's happy to have her back.

Option 2 is Uzi and one of the vampire siblings both being hurt. They patch each other up and Uzi notices their blood being black (a vamp hc ive had since I was a teen lol) and asks about it, finding out about the situation. However during the patching up of wounds, some of the black blood enters her wound which activates her own vampire virus.

One option for this is that Uzi hurt herself prior to helping N watch Cyn and Cyn gets hurt whilst N isn't in the room. Uzi helps her and in the process Cyns blood gets into Uzis injury.

[ I am open for situation suggestions with N, V and maybe J ]

J & V:

Dont have a lot about them except that J was adopted first, she's a little older than Tessa even. V was adopted alongside N from where they were in the same orphanage.

J doesn't like Uzi when N starts hanging out with her. V does somewhat get along with her tho and helps Uzi when her own Vampirism activates.

Tessa:

Tessa is unaware of her siblings vampirism for the most part. She did notice them seemingly eating less though and is a little worried about that, she makes them snacks she knows they like to try and make sure they eat enough.

I feel if anyone were to tell her, it would be N. And he wouldn't tell that it's all of them. Only him and maybe Cyn, as he can pass that off as "well we ARE biological siblings after all".

Idk that's all I got for now.

Also Nori was either

killed by Khan after he found out she's a vampire

Died due to extended exposure to sunlight

Killed by vampire hunters

Majorly injured by hunters or the sun so Khan had to take her out of her miserly

:(

[fangirleaconmigo]

I just finished Time of Contempt for the third time and I am deep deep deep in my Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon feelings again. Now that know what’s coming and I understand her arc, I’m catching a lot more.

TW: mentions of sexual assault

Ciri’s descent, which we see a hint of at the end this book, her “corruption arc” is the story of what war, and what the associated abandonment and abuse of children, does to a society. It is a visceral story about how (as the saying goes) A child who is not embraced by the village, will burn it down to feel its warmth.

Probably the worst interview of Sapko that my eyes have had the displeasure to read was a guy who asked him basically (paraphrased) how could Ciri’s mind be so “weak” that she falls into murder and crime after everything she learned from Geralt.

And like BUDDY DID YOU NOT READ THE STORY? Wow ok.

Sapko is like…because that is real, look around you.

“Well, I suppose here my fantasy becomes very real and lifelike. What happened to Ciri happened to hundreds of teenagers, in that number some I knew.”

There is a narrative.

And when kids are all by themselves and repeatedly traumatized and threatened, they will turn where they need to for safety. Their minds and the way they process empathy and emotions will change as a result of related abuse.

And to me, that arc is very believable. And it is part of her rite of passage of ultimately choosing good and coming fully into her power, choosing the love and example of her found family (primarily Geralt and Yen but also Kaer Morhen and Dandelion). In this terrible interview (seriously someone let me interview the man I could do better) he says:

And – last not least – that’s me, the author, who has invented Ciri and her fate, who has invented the whole storyline, and the storyline required of Ciri to become a teenage killer. It was a stage in her rite de passage, the rite of passage.

It is an arc. And for me a very believable (if extremely painful one) First there is the “before”.

The story is very clear who Ciri is before she is alone without the protection of Yen and Geralt.

Her character is already established by Time of Contempt but the narrative still goes through the trouble of showing her deny the offer of destructive power.

As a little girl, (in Blood of Elves) Ciri risks herself to save Triss’s life when she and Geralt’s caravan is attacked. She doesn’t wait for someone else to help, she shields Triss with her body. (That made me feel some kinda way in retrospect let me tell ya)

In the same scene we see how tender hearted she is towards the elves plight and how she resolves not to be neutral.

Blood of Elves and Time of Contempt both show how she is just a little kid who wants parents (running away to see Geralt, writing him letters from Meliteles temple begging him to come see her, identifying fiercely as a witcher girl of Kaer Morhen, idolizing Yen)

But at the end of Time of Contempt, Ciri still makes two dramatic, narrative establishing decisions, that show what kind of person she is.

First is the refusal of power. The refusal of revenge.

In the desert, she taps into prohibited power (fire power) to save Little Horse. It begins to consume her, offering her dominion over the world. It is personified by Falka and it shows Ciri vengeance. It shows her her enemies. It shows her the people who killed her grandma and sacked Cintra. It shows her the black knight.

Ciri and vengeance is already a theme. We know she feels urges towards vengeance for the people who slaughtered her family. The only bad fight she’s had with Geralt was about that. (She says she wanted vengeance and he overreacts and has to follow her and comfort her and apologize. The narrative doesn’t let us hear what he says, it’s through Triss’s eyes, but it is heart wrenching)

And now she is being offered vengeance by showing her what it really looks like. People suffering and dying. And it’s asking hey little girl you want this? Because I can give it to you.

This power also shows her her loved ones.

At this point in the story, Ciri is alone, lost in a desert, and feels abandoned. And any kid that feels abandoned blames her parents. It makes her a very believable kid character. Im alone? Where are my parents?? They’ve abandoned me?? At least that’s what she says.

But when the power offers her the opportunity to take the hurt she is feeling and hurt them back she is horrified.

She shouts out loud that she relinquishes it. She relinquishes all the power and collapses.

She makes an incredibly important decision to refuse destructive vengeful power.

The second thing that happens to establish her character at this point in the saga is she is being pursued by people who want to kill her and/or turn her into Nilfgaard. She is running and trying to escape. She is armed and gets a clear shot at a pursuer but again, sees a human face, and can’t do it. She shows mercy because her empathy will not allow her to see a persons face and kill them.

She is very lucky to survive that encounter.

She is a good, decent, human being.

But the story doesn’t leave us there. It gives us an ominous hint of the oncoming storm.

To get out of a life threatening situation, she joins a gang called The Rats. The Rats are a group of heavily traumatized war orphans who have been abandoned, raped, and abused and have banded together to not be alone. They’ve become murderers and no longer feel empathy for those they harm, but rather they take pleasure at killing others. She sees the look in their faces and identifies it as evil.

They adopt her. They protect her. Suddenly she is ‘safe’. Suddenly she is with others like her (war orphans with heavy trauma). Suddenly she is no longer alone. She is being offered a new identity (her old identity will get her killed at this point) She is them.

They also sexually assault her. (Cycle of abuse. I had to fast forward those parts. I’m listening to the audio and I can’t do that again)

But by the end Ciri has a new family. It’s the only option to her for survival. She finally manages to kill someone and takes the name Falka.

And as the return reader, you already know just how horrific it’s gonna get before it gets better. The feelings of doom. Ooof.

There is so much coming and if you’ve already read it, the dread is real.

It takes worse torture and assault than you can possibly imagine for Ciri to become the “teenaged killer” the narrative demands.

Because above all Ciri is like Yen. She is a survivor. She is angry. She has impulses for vengeance when she is harmed. All of these things are normal and human and can be given healthy outlets in normal situations. But this is not a normal situation.

So yeah I love her so much and the feelings of doom I have going into the next book are hanging over me. Of course it makes the bloody vengeance at the end that much more satisfying. But yeah.

And just to be clear I don’t judge her at all for anything she does during this “corruption” arc. I just don’t. She is surviving and no one can make me hate her ever. I’m an irrational person when it comes to her. And the her growth, her arc is one of the most satisfying I’ve ever read.

Most of us may not be war orphans being pursued by half the world. But the parallels to being an unprotected teenaged girl in a world that wants to exploit you, chew you up, and spit you out, is something those of us who came from abusive homes can understand. It is ultimately very validating and inspiring.

So I’ll be skipping the worst parts on audio. Some of them I just can’t do again. But I’m still obsessed with this story and I love my girl.

Ok thanks for reading my Ciri feels.

[janetbrown711]

How do you torment your favs (aka how have you traumatized some of your favourite characters)?

Well, if we're talking broadly here I mostly give them mommy issues, but lets go character by character here for the nitty gritty/true pattern examination

TW for mentions of miscarriages, abusive parents, and just a lot of trauma

Apple White-- Mommy issues, internalized homophobia that she does mostly get over but it doesn't help when a lot of the world is homophobic to her, body image issues, and a possible eating disorder

Darling Charming-- mommy issues, daddy issues, experiences a lot of homophobia and misogyny

Louie Duck-- Just. Just the worst mommy issues. Wants Della to love him so bad but feels like it's literally impossible because of their differences and his "glaring" flaws and selfishness

Yakko, Wakko, and Dot (Long Live the Queen) (idk how to write normal universe whoopsies)-- Abusive grandmother who actively tries to (and nearly accomplishes) murdering their parents making their parents have to abandon them for a year, Yakko has parentification trauma from that, Wakko gets literally starved and locked in a tower on multiple occassions, and Dot feels like it's all her fault whenever Wakko gets hurt because she's supposed to be the perfect princess. It gets fixed but it do be a lot

Lena Warner (my oc from Long Live the Queen)-- Abusive mother who literally attempted to kill her. Wants very badly to be a proper mother to her children and keep them safe, but her mother has far too much control and power over her for that to be truly possible. Had a runaway marriage in her late teens in order to avoid being married off to some old guy. Her mother's murder attempt caused a miscarriage and robbed her of a year with her children while she had to physically recover from her injuries. Ended up killing her in the end though, so that's good.

MK (dadsy of two)-- dead parents that were incredibly abusive (especially his "mother"), a burning desire for closeness to his guardian that he feels he can't access out of fear of attachment + Pigsy's own distant behavior at unpredictable moments. Desperately wants Pigsy to be his dad and nothing hurts more than when Pigsy actively denies it. Craves affection and praise more than anything in the whole wide world but doesn't know how to accept it/how to react when it happens.

Mei (dadsy of two)-- dead parents who gave her severe perfectionism but died before they could ever apologize/acknowledge/realize any damage done. Blames herself for starting the fire because she knocked over an ancestral artifact (that fire was actually fixed, the fire that killed them is unrelated but she'll never believe that). Wants to be the perfect daughter for Pigsy while also not feeling like she's actually his daughter because of the distance + complicated grief related feelings.

Pigsy (dadsy of two)-- tbh what haven't I done to him? Gave him guilt over the death of Sandy's ex fiancee due to "causing" Sandy's trauma that lead to the incident, gave him mommy and even worse daddy issues, deals with fantasy racism on such a regular basis he believes being distant with MK and Mei (ala saying he isn't their father/he's only their legal guardian) is the only way to really protect them from it (and even that backfires on more than one occasion). Internalized fatphobia. PTSD. Smoker. Severe lack of self esteem. Couldn't give less of a shit about himself and his own health (ESPECIALLY mental) while worrying endlessly about everyone else. Just. just so much trauma for one man. what the fuck.

Tang (all fanfics)-- Abusive, severely homophobic parents who cut him off when he was 19 due to finding out about his homosexuality. Could barely afford food for a year until he met Pigsy and basically relied on his charity in order to not starve to death/suffer the effects of severe malnutrition and still continue his education. Loves Pigsy endlessly and hates watching him torture himself over the littlest things (knows he does the same and feels so helpless every time it happens). Wants to be a dad to MK (and Mei) desperately but worries he's nothing compared to Pigsy. Has constantly had his passions belittled and mocked to the point it's genuinely surprising to him that MK actually likes his stories and the way he does things.

Sandy (all fanfics)-- PTSD, guilt over having missed 20+ years of his best friend's life. In Dadsy of Two he killed his fiancee after a nightmare about the war he and Pigsy had fought. Wanted to be a parent but after that accident, he can't trust himself with another human life like that. Has a hard time trying not to be "the therapist friend" and poking where he shouldn't when it comes to his friend's emotional issues (especially Pigsy's). Had just the worst toxic romance with Pigsy ever that was just the hottest of messes before it all fell apart but they tried to be friends (until his fiance's death) (the time away was very much needed for them both to heal and grow so they could actually be good friends again but it still hurts it took that long).

Pigsy (Li Na AU)-- most of the above but even more trauma around fatherhood, only made worse by the fact he had five miscarriages in the past (only three Tang knows about). Buries that pain instead of talking about it and believes that because Li Na is alive and well the pain is gone (it's not. it lives within him in every waking moment and is why he's so fucking terrified at the thought of losing her or MK).

....So yeah! Just--.... Just so much man, damn wtf someone needs to take them away from me I keep hurting them, wtf---

[channelinglament]

You don’t gotta make anything big for this but Since reqs are open could I get yan turtles w reader who becomes delusional but not in the way the turtles want. Instead they just start talking to air and acting like they’re still living on the surface and talking to their friends and family and kinda just ignore the turtles existence

Hello there! This request is AMAZING☆

Tw: violence, reader is kinda crazy/delusional. Reader being treated like a figurine. Yandere. Murder (not towards reader).

Also English is not my native nor second language-

------------------

So, the reader thinking they were not kidnapped. I believe they would end up going into a very deep, and very dangerous, denial first.

"No way they would've done it! I don't believe it! I-I don't want to believe it.."

This denial would cause the reader to become even more delusional. They could believe everything to be a fantasy.

Or, they could believe everything to be a dream.

They would often think that the turtles are just part of their imagination. Yea that totally is what's happening. They'll imagine people around them, their friends and family.

"No way a humanoid turtle could exist. Nor such a weird creature would even kidnap me in the first place"

-----

Leo would be so frustrated. Why are you talking to walls and soil couches? Why aren't you paying any attention to him, not even a glance? Nothing. You keep calling out names of the people that you used to know. You look so happy. Why aren't you smiling at him? Why are you smiling at his comic book?

"Darling, snap out of it"

No response

"..please"

Still no response

You looked like you were listening to what the wall had to offer instead of Leo. You keep calling the wall the names of your old friends. Oh how infuriating.

He ends up killing them and bringing them to you, as an attempt to get you back. To get you to react to him in any way. Be it sadness, shock or fear. It doesn't matter. Yes he wants you to love him, but how if you don't even glance at him? Even when he is threatening you or chains you to his bed. You seem so.. unaware of his presence. It completely destroys and shatters his heart, world and just him in general.

If you still had some sanity, this would traumatize you even more. It's gone now.

------

Mikey is a little (very) angry. Why are you ignoring him? Did he do something to you? What's your problem?!

Okay, so he deeply inhales and tried to calm himself down. He would try to reason and communicate with you first (Dr. Feelings?)

But it seems like you still choose to ignore him. Okay. Okay.

It's not okay.

He literally goes bananas. Either chains you to a wall, just chains you with his kusari fundo (to speak) or would try to butter you up. Probably violence first. Acts like Leo later on :P

-----

Oh Donnie hates it. One day you just didn't acknowledge his presence. He probably seen some signs, but ignored them? And now he's not sure how to help you. At first some therapy. Doesn't work. Talking? Seems useless. Shouting doesn't work too. Meaning using violence won't help either.

Probably scans your brain or something.

If it won't work, since he is kinda lucid, he will be furious, probably break something and then think. Maybe even install some small bot in your brain to change your way of thinking?

"Y/n...stop talking to my computer, it's not your best friend. Ah why am I even trying, you can't even see me. I guess I need to help you to get back to your sane self."

----

Raph is sad. And kinda flabbergasted?

You're his toy and friend/lover. You should be paying attention to him, not to his plushies!

Destroys a few things in the sewers out of anger. He doesn't want to hurt you.

He will try different methods at making you sane again. To make you at least glance at him. This turtle would literally be the softest guy you have ever seen. Also will try therapy. Doesn't work. He raged a bit. Dw you're safe. Maybe a few bruises, but he swears it's an accident. Not like you even hear him. Yeah you probably hit the table angle. After that he would be just like people who have figurine of their favorite character. He's the person, and you're the figurine. He looks at you, loves you, talks to you, despite knowing that won't respond. He (tries to) keeps you healthy! Looks after you. You may not see him right now, but he is sure it will wear off! If not.. maybe Donnie or Draxum could help?

[diabolikpersonals]

Heyyy, just an interesting question I had, do you think diabloic lovers could’ve been more popular and better if it wasn’t a “romance” thing, for me I feel like it would’ve been wayyy better if they were to choose the healing from trauma route for the franchise, esp since it would’ve made sense since the vampires had traumatic childhoods. Not only that the “romance” isn’t even romance it’s straight up (TW: SA, abuse and manipulation) and it’s hella weird that most of the characters are minors. Sorry for blubbering so much but just a thought I had 😭😭😭

You and I just aren't members of the target audience, anon, but dialovers is plenty popular because it's a dark romance. I get that the eng-speaking fandom isn't all that active, and things are especially quiet because we're in the middle of a long hiatus, but it's a fairly popular otome game series with lots of dedicated fans, u know? And the thing everybody knows it for, and the thing that the fans are always talking about, are its dark romantic fantasy sexy vampire stuff. Getting preyed on by a hot vampire guy is a pretty normal & common fantasy to have, imo. so I don't think it needs to change to become more popular or anything, in fact I think it'd become less popular fsdghfh

But I hear you, because I'm not part of the target audience either (opposite end of the spectrum, personally...!) and I'm mostly into it for plot n character analysis. (I know that sounds so pretentious but I can't help being a nerd about this stuff ok.......I definitely have my ships too) I've definitely felt, as I was playing and reading, that this is an amazing story that is kind of held back because it's an otome game and the law requires them to stick blood-sucking scenes into almost every single chapter.

I'd argue that dialovers already is steering itself in a direction where it's focusing more on character-driven plot and less on romance. A lot of people complained about LE for this exact reason. Personally, I like it...! I know it's because I'm not the target audience but when I'm playing these games, getting through the bloodsucking scenes is such a chore, especially when I'm like "GUYS there's a demon war going on!!!" lmao. I thought this was an unpopular perspective to have in this fandom, but I've met some people who share the same opinions as me, and I think both parties can be satisfied (and I'm putting this in bold because I'm so so serious) if dialovers released a series of light novels.

This is my newest thing I'm campaigning for bc I think it would be the perfect supplementary material for dialovers. The best blood-sucking scenes are gonna be in the game, since they've got the visuals and the voice acting. Novels aren't structured like the games, so while they'll definitely still have blood-sucking scenes in them (duh), they won't have to interrupt important plot points to have 5 or 6 unnecessary ones. It's a retelling so you can take the scenes from the games and describe them in way more detail! Dialovers as a tighter story! More insight into how the characters act, and what they're thinking and feeling! Intimate scenes described in prose! Cool new art for the covers! And rejet makes money without the need for voice acting, so it can be done during the hiatus! Everybody's happy, right??? rejet pls hear my pitch.......

[yanderepoet]

intro post ⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

𓉸ྀི true love is religion. ᡣ𐭩୧ ‧₊˚ ⸸

⛧✃----- online alias: poet ˚୨୧₊♱

age: unavailable (not a minor)

pronouns: it/she/he, neos, any but they

♱ irl yandere and masodere,

taken, very happily. | cro+eng ⛧⁰.°,,𓉸

♱.°୭ bpd, autism, old, adhd ✃-----

⋮ side notes ! ˎˊ˗ ᡣ𐭩°.•Ꮺ

♱ about my beloved; i will refer to him as "F", my god or using other petnames. he uses he/him pronouns.

♱ posts will not have tw's! so byf some themes in my posts that might be triggering: obsessiveness, jealousy, intrusive thoughts (usually violent ones), mood swings, panic attacks, s/h, violent, malicious or suicidal ideation and thoughts, cannibalism, occasional nsfw

♱ same @ on twt and instagram (@yanderepoet)

୭ tagging system

#poet's worship - yanblr posts

#poet's literature - reblogs

#poet's letters - asks

ᡣ𐭩୧ ‧₊˚ ⸸ ⋅ ☆ my dni —

꩜ transphobes; includes terfs, anyone against neos enby identities, ect.

⸸ homophobic; includes anyone against microlabels

⛧ racist, xenophobic, classist, elitist ppl, really anyone who participates in malicious segregation

♱ anyone who's intending to flirt with me, even platonically, please refrain from it !!

୭ ill block anyone freely if i feel uncomfortable

☆ ed pages (triggering for me please stay away)

⋮ extras ! ˎˊ˗ ᡣ𐭩°.•Ꮺ

actual typology: IN(F) sx/so5w4 541 L₂E₃V₁F₁ Mel-Chol IEI R/L/ue[I] aOwxDr[G]

yandere type: DSML

yandere mbti: RDHL

soft yandere type: OSWI

yandere enneagram: 541

yandere big 5: OCIAF

darling type: DADP-W

yandere types from "dere types wiki": harmless (usually), obsession, stalker, self-sacrifice, dependent, worship, protective, self-harm, delusional, wrong idea, bizzare-seeking

yandere types from "yandere town":

possessive: adam and eve (absolute isolation) - enclosed world and clingy variant, collectors habit - collector variant, attention-seeking - self harm variant, observing, monitoring - keeping tabs variant

shackling: easily jealous, self imposing - contact variant, easily lonely

denpa-delusional: hysteric (emotionally unstable), abnormal behavior - self contained and abnormal fetish variant, blurring fantasy and reality, religious (worshipping) - faults viewed favorably (intoxicated) variant, mental disorder (acquired) - traumatized variant

intoxicated: self-sacrificing (doesn’t wish to shackle) - actionistic and gon the little fox variant, rabid fan, masochist, mixing in bodily fluids, directly linked to life and death,

love-hate: none