#trauma moment for mmc

[squishykitty825]

Darkest night

Dark shadows swirl around my shaking body. The thin desert tree I hide behind towers into the sky with its brothers and sisters. Its branches reach the sky, brushing the clouds in a way that no skyscraper ever will. Rain-heavy clouds swarm over the crescent moon.

Soft light from the moon and the stars filters through the clouds onto the hiking path to my right. A breeze rustles the leaves of the scattered trees and stout shrubbery, carrying the tune of a long forgotten song that only the wind could remember.

My heart pounds wildly in my chest.

They’re dead.

They’re both dead. Because of him. Because of the man who chases me through the narrow streets of the city I’ve sworn to protect. The man who’s haunted my memories without my consent—though I did not know the face or the name, until now. And now I’m among the desert squirrels and bushes on the outskirts of the city, the massive shape of the Hollywood sign looming above me as I pause, trying to catch my breath. I’ve faced worse things than this, I know I have. But something about this is different. Something about this has my mind racing, running a loop around itself again and again. I know what it is, but I do not acknowledge it for fear of getting lost in the depths of my memories of the ones I lost to this man—this monster.

I strain my ears, trying to listen. Trying to hear anything above the silence that echoes loudly through the near-barren landscape around me. Nothing but the chirping of crickets. It’s too soon for me to breathe out a sigh of relief. And I cannot believe that the man who killed my sister would have stopped the chase.

Blood drips down the side of my face from my temple where the wooden bat had collided with my head. The crimson liquid mixes with the salty droplets of sweat that gathered on my skin as I ran.

My breaths are loud in my ears. The rasping sound mixing with the gentle hush of the light wind trailing through the currents around me. A cluster of stars shines brightly through a gap in the clouds a moment before the rain starts, turning the sandy dirt at my feet to mud in a matter of seconds as the drizzle quickly turns to a heavy rain. Thick drops of rain land on my exertion-hot skin, cooling it.

Hearing no sounds of pursuit, I lean against the tree and thrust my hand into my pocket in search of my phone. I need to call her. I was supposed to meet her, and being ambushed on my way home was not on my agenda.

Shit. I can’t find my phone.

I must have dropped it somewhere in my hurry to get away.

Taking in my surroundings, I’m surprised at how far I ran to get away from the man chasing me. I must have run over a mile to have reached the outskirts of the city.

My shallow breaths become deeper as my heart begins to slow its racing beat, the adrenaline leaving my system slower than it had come. Goosebumps erupt over my skin under the icy touch of the rain. Looking back at the path I’d taken, I feel the dread roiling in my gut at the thought of retracing my steps to find my phone.

Cursing under my breath, I know it’s a bad idea. A terrible idea, really. 

Whatever, I can buy myself a new phone later. For now, I need to get back to the main part of the city and find a payphone or something. Except… I curse under my breath, again. I left my wallet in my office. All this time spent focused on figuring out Typhon’s next move has left me distracted and forgetful.

Blowing out a deep breath, I trudge through the light mud, forging a new path back to the city without taking the same route I’d run to get here.

My hair is plastered to my face as I try not to shiver against the cold. The suit jacket I wear is thoroughly soaked through, as is the white shirt beneath it. I must look like a drowned rat. All things considered though, I am glad for that. Grateful that I am still able to feel this miserable—that I escaped the psychopath chasing me—because the alternative would mean leaving Rissy alone in this world. Her parents—my sister and her husband—were taken by the monster who decided to make me his next target, and I will not let her lose another parent. 

My feet freeze in place as I hear something behind me.

No.

No no no.

He couldn’t have found me already.

My heart is once again pounding in my chest as I continue walking, this time faster. The pace at which I walk increases until I’m suddenly running again, trying not to slip in the mud as I race for the sprawled out houses of the suburbs. If I can just reach them maybe I can find someone willing to help, to call the police.

Slick mud slides beneath my feet as I round the corner of a house, nearly taking me to the ground with how slippery it is. I can hear Blake’s vocie in my head as I stumble down the small alley between the houses, You gonna let yourself lose to a girl, Christian? Their spar from the other day had left his blood thrumming. She was a skilled fighter and has beaten me mercilessly on the mat. But she was also a fierce leader, offering tips to fix my form and encouragement after each defeat. 

Don’t let your guard down just because I’m a smaller opponent.

Keep fighting, Christian. Maybe someday you’ll reach my level.

Something hard hits the back of my head, sending sparks of pain through my skull and creating black spots in my vision. I stumble, almost faling to my knees as I am forced to come to a halt, nausea eating away at the world around me, making it spin and spin and spin.

I’m sorry Blake, I think as the darkness grows bigger, my body swaying. I don’t think this is a fight I’ll win.

Darkness in my vision twinkles as I blink, staring up at the night sky through the gap in the clouds. The stars are soon blocked out by the shape of a man standing over me. A monster with a monstrous smile who kneels next to me and puts a hand to my throat, pressing hard until I feel myself falling into oblivion.

[ae-neon]

I find it incredible how a crack ship like rhysta has more traits in common than the two canon ships f/eysand and n/essian

I think I can understand why fans of those ships like them but I also think sjm's writing is so weak I can't get over how shallow the canon ships end up being.

The potential is there but she always fails to fully develop the individual halves so the whole just ends up looking like 60% [aesthetics + 5 quotes/scenes] and 40% [fanon or lost potential]

I won't talk about Nessian because I cannot stand the fundamental Taming of the Shrew dynamic behind the ship. It was never gonna gonna get me.

So let's talk F.eysand (in a surprisingly more positive light than I thought)

Like I said in another post, Rhysand being the younger sibling would have made F.eysand make so much more sense to me and given me something to root my understanding in.

One of my favourite moments of character clarity is Rhysand telling Feyre it was her defiance reminding him of Cassian that made him fall in love.

That speaks volumes. It tells us about him and his admiration for this downtrodden bastard boy who stole his clothes. It tells us a part of Rhysand feels helpless despite his power so he really appreciates powerless people who overcome that to be brave anyways.

But then it's retconned to him feeling Feyre was his mate even before she set foot in Prythian and I just... Like oh, nvm then, it's just an immaterial magical bond that doesn't care about who each person is that ties them together

And let's say you're a reader who really cares about mates and the bond, then the "like calls to like" nature of Prythians magic also makes rhysta and feyssian logical pairs with their own unique dynamics that would have been interesting to read

Also idk sjm just can't do enemies to lovers in my opinion. One party (the young woman) always feels like a victim whose healing is centred on becoming a suitable partner for the mmc instead of genuinely working through their trauma

I mean Feyre goes from nightmares of UtM to being in that same outfit in the CoN (also under a mountain) and is simultaneously dissociating and but also okay and even empowered?? These things happen at best 3 months apart like ☹️ she's just a kid, it's actually gross

The argument for rhysta here is that Nesta has no UtM trauma, would not have been manipulated into playing sex pet even if she agreed to go to the CoN, would have some leverage because the IC needed her cooperation to reach the queens. It's not a complete dismantling of the set up but it feels less idk icky??

Like had Feyre been given more agency I could accept more, that's why I really think Frost and Starlight should have been a novella about Nesta going to the Continent and the next book in the series should have been Feyre with the Valkyrie plot so she can reestablish herself outside of being Riceball's plus one

I could go into smaller details but I think this is the general view of my issues. Also I don't really like Hades and Persephone, Good Girl Bad Boy vibes so there's that

[sjmgirlie]

"Azriel's darkness this" "Azriel's darkness that"

Is this all people think this character is?

Considering all the instances we have been provided where his friends don't even push him/don't really try and get him to talk to them about pretty much anything, I'd say we don't know much about Azriel at all.

It's the same with any character that we haven't got a POV from. Do we really know Elain well enough to make judgements? Mor even? Not really.

What we understand about their characters is what we have seen/heard in dialogue in other POVs.

The thing I love about Azriel (and Elain for that matter) is that they have been portrayed as fixed. He is a broody and mysterious Shadowsinger that has went through trauma his whole life. Elain has been stifled but shown time and time again that she is not what people think she is. (There is a whole bonus chapter alluding to it that people like to completely forget).

Azriel has darkness, he has shadows, he is broody and doesn't say much. But what else is he from what we have seen?

He is heroic, he is self sacrificing, he deeply cares for the people in his life, and he is actually a good person. Even if he is the Spymaster and torturer of the NC. You know what else we see?

We see him having absolutely no self worth. We see him struggle with feeling inadequate for anyone. Mor has told us this, Azriel has as well in the BC. He feels UNWORTHY.

Why do you think he completely let Elain make the moves in the POV? He doesn't think he is worthy. He doesn't believe himself to be. And Rhys saying "you think you deserve to be her mate?" is literally a knife in the gut for a character like Azriel.

Azriel has shown time and time again that he cares for the females in the books I dare say more than most of the other characters. This is not an accident. This is (I believe) directly correlated with how his mother was treated.

We see countless instances of Azriel proving this with violence, because well, is he a talker like Rhys? No. He carries a lot of self worth in his ability to hurt someone clearly. Of being needed in ways only related to his work and abilities. And don't get me started on imagining what Rhys' father did to him mentally during the time he was under his command.

Yes, Azriel has darkness. But literally EVERY character in this book has darkness. Saying that Azriel's LI is solely determined based off "who can handle the darkness" is placing Azriel's character in a box with no growth. And that's not an SJM character. They all grow.

His LI will help him realize that he is NOT darkness. That there is light in the darkness that he does not see. That he doesn't need to "handle" it or have someone to "handle" it. That Azriel is just AZRIEL. That he doesn't need to be anyone else. He doesn't need to pretend all the time. He doesn't need to wear a mask every moment of his life.

Who looked to him when first meeting him as a comfort? Who did not balk from him? Who has called his scars, which he is insecure about, beautiful? Who noticed his headaches? Who enjoys just sitting in silence while enjoying someones company? Who has been showing Azriel he is wanted?

Read the series again if you don't remember.

Reducing Azriel to darkness is the same thing as reducing Elain to flowers/gardening.

Anyways, a long post again but please don't reduce Azriel to darkness because you are literally just feeding into the actual narrative he holds for himself as shown by the author rather than realizing that's the exact healing journey he is going to take. To realize he isn't just darkness. That he himself has a light.

Edit to add additional thoughts:

Main characters in SJM books, specifically ACOTAR, are always presented in a boxed view until they either get a book or are the MC in one. We got Rhys as the MMC in ACOMAF through feyre’s PoV, and we got Nesta and Cassian in their own.

Complex main characters will not have their healing arcs explored or even completely explained in someone else’s POV. Food for thought.

[acourtofthought]

Miscommunication trope doesn't work when all it would take is for Az to one single real conversation. With Rhys, "I care about her, Rhys." "I'm over Mor, Rhys." With Elain, "are you going to talk to Lucien about your bond?" "What do you want from this Elain?" With Lucien, "We didn't mean for this to happen, but we couldn't help it" "We're sorry for hurting you" and what happened could have been avoided. Az has experienced the emotional safety of the IC for centuries. If after 500+ years he can't drop his guard for a few moments with the female he supposedly loves and his brother who he does love, then a relationship should be the last thing he's worried about. He's clearly got "too much trauma" to be with Elain if he can't be the tiniest bit vulnerable with her or Rhys.

A miscommunication trope doesn't usually happen from the POV of the one doing the rejecting.

A miscommunication trope only works when the MMC doesn't confirm he did the right thing then ends the scene thinking about another woman.

For anyone crying that Gwyn is manipulating him, it's kind of amazing that her "agoraphobia" will prevent her from falling in love and being intimate with a male but it wouldn't stop her from becoming an evil villain, manipulating the romance of Az and Elain. Apparently she can betray everyone from within the library, just not find romance.

[evajackslover]

MY THOUGHTS ON ACOMAF AS A FIRST TIME READER 🌌✨🏔️🌙

**this review will contain spoilers for acotar and acomaf**

my rating: 4.7/5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💫

spice level: 4/5 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️

summary: Feyre has undergone more trials than one human woman can carry in her heart. Though she's now been granted the powers and lifespan of the High Fae, she is haunted by her time Under the Mountain and the terrible deeds she performed to save the lives of Tamlin and his people. As her marriage to Tamlin approaches, Feyre's hollowness and nightmares consume her. She finds herself split into two different one who upholds her bargain with Rhysand, High Lord of the feared Night Court, and one who lives out her life in the Spring Court with Tamlin. While Feyre navigates a dark web of politics, passion, and dazzling power, a greater evil looms. She might just be the key to stopping it, but only if she can harness her harrowing gifts, heal her fractured soul, and decide how she wishes to shape her future-and the future of a world in turmoil.

i finished reading book 2 in the acotar series (a court of mist and fury) a few days ago, and it’s safe to say acomaf is an amazing sequel to the first book!! i absolutely adored how sjm developed the characters and love where book 2 has brought the plot!

here are my thoughts:

- feyre’s character development in book 2 was just *chef’s kiss*! her deal with rhys in acotar was the perfect set up for acomaf because with each visit feyre made to the night court, she slowly begin to heal from her trauma under the mountain. this was a huge contrast from whenever she returned to the spring court; you could tell she immediately began to relapse into a bad mental and physical state, and was clearly feeling trapped.

- this brings me to tamlin… who finally showed us his true colors! i could not STAND how overprotective he was of feyre upon returning from under the mountain. like, i get the guy had some traumatic experiences, but those were no excuse for TRAPPING FEYRE IN THE HOUSE upon so much other physical and emotional abuse! the moment mor came to whisk her away to the night court had to have been one of the best moments of relief in acomaf.

- morrigan!!! i absolutely LOVE her as a character and her relationship with the other members of rhysand’s inner court! i can’t wait for her and feyre to become even closer bffs :)

- cassian and azriel 🥰🥰 my babies protect them at all costs (also am i right in guessing a cassian nesta relationship coming soon?! because i can totally see it!)

- and finally rhysand!! i cannot express how much i love how his story has expanded throughout acomaf; from teaching feyre to read to confessing his undying love to her, he is the most perfect MMC 🥹

i wish i had room to discuss each and every character, but this post has already gotten so long!

my final thoughts: amazing and can’t wait to keep reading! my only complaint is the spice (i prefer slightly less in my books) but i understand that it is not a YA series and the level of spice was to be expected before starting the series! i’m in the middle of acowar right now and can’t wait to continue feyre’s story!

beautifulll feysand art by the lovely jrtart_ on instagram 💓

[phantomdialogue]

˗ˏˋ. ݁₊ ✶ ˖ 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐛𝐲 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐢𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝟒.𝟓/𝟓 ☆ . ݁ ˖ˎˊ˗

chestnut springs book two

premise: willa grant needs a job for the summer. cade eaton needs a nanny for his son for the summer. he’s just going to have to try not to fall for her when she fills the position almost too perfectly.

couple: cade eaton and willa grant

tropes: single dad x nanny, age gap (not crazy big but referenced a lot), forced proximity, grumpy x sunshine, small town boy/big city girl

review below!

review:

i have never been one for kids in real life or in my books but i fell in love with this book and the kid in it so fast. i don’t even know where to begin. cade eaton may just be the dilf of all dilfs at this point…. i can’t believe i just wrote that. i loved cade and all of his complexities. i think that’s something that i’m noticing about elsie silver’s writing is that she really doesn’t write one dimensional characters. even the more “side characters” or characters who aren’t the current focus have so many layers to peel back and explore. for example, jasper, the mmc for the next book, got teased a lot toward the end of this book and all of the little snippets she gave about him just made me want to learn more because he’s not just a cardboard cut out of a character when it’s not “his book”.

the way she wrote cade’s insecurities and trauma really made it resonate with me as a reader because she didn’t just state them and walk away. she dove into them and explaining how it affected everything and how it continues to affect him throughout the book. she did the same with willa. even with luke, he may be five years old but she treated him like a living human kid who has emotions about his single dad and their situation rather than just slapping a funny kid character on the page and calling it a day.

something about this book and its characters really endeared me so much more than flawless did and i couldn’t put this book down. cade and willa will live happily in my mind for years and i hope they live happily ever after on that ranch with luke causing them trouble for years to come.

q & a:

are they endgame? - if cade and willa aren’t endgame, i’d be incredibly confused. i feel like even with their age gap, they have a strong enough sense of who they are as individuals and what they need from each other that their communication is strong enough to last.

did i cringe? - i feel like this one had way fewer “cringey” dialogue moments than flawless and had only a few lines that used more slang terms (like slay and such) that felt out of place. but the dialogue specifically in this one felt a lot smoother and mature

favorite part? - the dynamic between cade, willa, and luke. hands down. i think she nailed it on the head with that. the three of them just make this perfect pact and at the same time, they all have their faults. every pairing within the three of them felt so natural and real to read about that it makes you fall in love with them so quickly and i truly could read a few more books just about them.

least favorite part? - hmmmm. this is hard actually (which is nice in a way haha). i think if i had to choose a least favorite part, it would be the fact that we didn’t get to see willa bond with the family as much as we saw summer bond with them in flawless. with this being such a family oriented series, i was expecting willa to get more of a relationship with harvey and rhett but it felt like a lot of the focus was strictly on willa and cade (and luke). i still loved what it was but i think a little extra about her connecting with the family a little more.

favorite quotes (some spoilers here, of course, but minimal):

I’m here counting all the ways in which she’s a problem for me, and she’s just excited to be here and take care of my child.

It seems like the universe could have granted some sort of reprieve. But it granted me Willa fucking Grant.

How hard would it be to smile more, to laugh more, if it made her look this happy?

“The way I see it, I like you a little more every day.”

She’s a spark in the dark. Dancing flames against a midnight sky.

I want to turn that spark into a whole damn fire so this girl goes out and does what she wants with her life.

“It’s two people who were both a little lost until they ended up on the same path and walked together for a while.”

Eyes shut, I wish for Willa. A life with her. A family with her. Gray hair and more laughter with her.

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

EVERY WEEK I WILL POST VARIOUS REVIEWS I’VE WRITTEN SO FAR IN 2024. YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY GOODREADS FOR MORE UP-TO-DATE REVIEWS HERE.

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16. Shock Marriage for the Powerful Spaniard by Cathy Williams: ⭐️⭐️⭐️

I was addicted to this cheeseball of a book. I'm trying to read through my large (and thrifted) Harlequin book collection, and this was the first one of the year. I'm happy it was because even though it had the typical cheesiness, stilted dialogue, thesaurus raiding, and the confusing use of an Italian term of endearment spoken by a supposed Spanish man, it wasn't a slow book in the least. It was quick, addicting, and had a couple of spicy scenes.

I do have to side-eye the cover creator because the FMC was supposed to have a "latte" coloured complexion (which I hated, but also made her not white. Love that whitewashing of a cover.

Read this for entertainment purposes, not for much else. Although, I AM a sucker for this trope.

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17. We Could Be So Good by Cat Sebastian: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I am grateful to the person who put this book on my radar (thank you m/m reddit group). This book was beautiful and full of admittedly high stressful moments, made a little bit worse by my anxiety that this was going to end like so many books that were written during the decades that this book is set in. Actually, I love that one of the MCs comments on this because it's always been one of my pet peeves when it comes to classic Queer books.

I loved the dynamics between these two characters and how they worked off each other. They were amazing together and even though they weren't perfect, I loved their vulnerability and related to their anxiety (I have a bad habit of empathizing too much with characters when I'm reading from their perspectives). Their love felt like such a naturally progressive thing and whenever they described how they saw each other, my heart did a little dance for them. Although the story spans just a bit over a year (maybe more?) it felt like these two were friends for years.

I also adored the side characters and the found family they offered to the characters. During a time where trust was a gift, these two were gifted with the very best. If they were real people, I only wish that they got to live the best rest of their lives together possible.

In a way, I wanted to cry at the end of this book. The journey, their love, their growth, and the fact that this was reflective of how so many Queer people might have lived during those decades (and some still live this way). It's so heartbreaking knowing people can't just...exist and love who they want. It's mind-blowing.

Anyway, this was sweet, angsty, sexy, and touching. I loved it so much.

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18. Lotus by Jennifer Hartmann: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Mega-TWs for this book--the author includes them at the beginning of the book. Including CSA.

Jennifer Hartmann has quickly become one of my favourite authors. This is only my second book by her, but it was so exceptional that now I MUST have every single one of her books. STILL BEATING had me in such a chokehold that I didn't think it was possible to have the same addicted experience to another book by her, but I was WRONG.

LOTUS was a dark, romantic, and trauma laced read. Everyone had their own past trauma to confront and I think that's a realistic take because most of us have something we're struggling with in our adult lives. The way Hartmann tackles trauma and somehow still finds the beauty in the dark and in what scares us is truly masterful. She offers possibilities to people who have lost hope of any sort of future. It was tear-inducing, but also such an experience.

The MMC was so well-written and I love that Hartmann was consistent in his persona throughout the whole book. He was so endearing and I just wanted to protect him from the world. Side note: every time I thought of him, I saw the actor who plays Reacher in the show of the same name. Iykyk. The way he cared for the FMC was so pure and like she mentions early in the book, he hasn't been tainted or jaded by humanity. He was a beautiful human being.

The FMC was the epitome of "smile and fake it till you make it". She was quirky and fun, but also carried some heavy reminders of how fragile life is. Though I got frustrated with her a few times, I also completely understood why she was the way she was.

The way everything came together at the end had me yelling "I KNEW IT!", because apparently I'm a book detective, was amazing. Even though the twist is heartbreaking and had me crying a bit, it was so powerful and had everything come together so perfectly.

Hartmann gave every character introduced a life and a heart--and she made them all vulnerable and showed how strong those characters were for their imperfections.

I loved, loved, loved this book.

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19. Eragon by Christopher Paolini: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read January 2024

I read this about 16 years ago, so it felt like I was reading it for the first time. I listened to the audiobook, which I love to do when I'm re-reading, and let me just prepare you: the voice actor is no bueno at magical voices LOL.

Anyway, the story itself was fun and I like to think it stood the test of time. It was fun, full of adventure, and being older, I can tell this story was written by a younger author. This is in no way a bad thing--in fact, I think it made it more believable for me that this MC is only 15-16. The writing felt more like the author was going on his own adventure and he really loved reading fantasy books. It was just pure fun. Although at times, I seriously was impressed with his mastery over the English language with his writing.

Overall, this was a fun re-experience. Some points were a little on the slower side, but I can also see that this is building that foundation for an epic series. Will definitely be re-reading the sequel!

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20. Murder in the Family by Cara Hunter: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I was worried about the hype surrounding this book because hype and I aren't always the best of friends. But listen, I started the audiobook one night and finished the book the following day. THIS WAS SO ADDICTING and brilliant.

I highly recommend doing the audiobook--it's a full cast and minus the music (there wasn't any), this felt like a podcast and I adore those kinds of stories.

I'm impressed with how Hunter was able to create such strong personalities with other an initial description of what each specialist does for a living and their dialogue (especially since the story is told in the style of a script and other multimedia add ons, like photos and maps and clues.) But I think hearing the voice actors give life to these characters also helped a lot.

The twists had my eyebrows rising and my smile of surprise growing after every episode. And when all was revealed, that last punch of a surprise had me wishing I could yell at someone about it. Fantastic.

Normally, thrillers and I are very hit or miss--this was 100% a hit with me. So much freaking fun.

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21. Set the Record Straight by Hannah Bonam-Young: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

One of my favourite things in romance novels is something that I know a lot of people don't like: little to no conflict. Maybe it's because it's a novella, but this one was such a breath of fresh air. Communication? No misunderstandings? Respect for your partner? No bullshitting around the truth? Sign me right up.

My biggest regret is reading this in January rather than during the holidays!

I loved the two MCs' friendship and how it was the perfect foundation for their relationship. That being said, I did think it all happened super quick and while I know this is because this is a novella, but I wouldn't have minded if this was a bit of a longer book--just so we could dive a bit more into their past and their relationships with the people around them.

This was also SPICY. I listened to the audiobook and the I would pause what I was doing just to stand there and listen with hot cheeks. This was hot HOT. If you like that in romance novels, yeah, this is for you. It was super caliente and I was very here for it.

I highly recommend, not just for the spice, but because this relationship is so pure and it was just a bite of happiness between two friends who should have been more all along but finally found their way to each other. Also, there may be some relatable moments in here and I just--yeah.

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22. The Measure by Nikki Erlick: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I think THE MEASURE is a great metaphor for how the world treats people it considers "other" and just how interlaced we all truly are at the end of the day.

While the story itself is about the strings and the lengths they offer the individual, at the core of this story is a message about how we view life and how others view our own lives. It's that continuous question of: if my life is mine, why does it bother you what I do with it? And then using the small few to crucify the rest with inane laws and prejudices. Many of the events in this book could easily mirror what is continuously happening in our societies.

We get to see the story of THE MEASURE play out through various characters and as their lives come together and separate, I was constantly in awe of how it was all happening. I wanted certain answers and knew I had to be happy with whatever I was offered because like the characters, I only had the strings and the theories to go off.

I won't lie, this made me cry a few times. I felt anger and heartache, joy at the power of humanity and love, and awe at the smallness of the world.

While I loved this book, I wouldn't say it was a favourite of the year, but it was definitely memorable and I'd definitely recommend it. The last author to make me feel like this about books that explore this kind of message was Karen Thompson Walker.

I highly recommend THE MEASURE if you're looking for a book that will challenge you to look at your life and ask yourself: would you open the box, or keep it closed and just live your life unaware?

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23. Lovelight Farms by B.K. Borison: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'm definitely reading this series out of order, but who's keeping track, right?

I liked LOVELIGHT FARMS more than its sequel. This one was told only from the POV of the FMC, but something about this one captured my interest more. Maybe it was the angsty friendship, or the fact that everyone was saying "IT'S HAPPENING!", which was adorable.

I think I also liked the dynamic between these two characters a lot more than the characters in the second book. I think they worked a lot better than a one night (one weekend?) stand that somehow couldn't stop thinking about each other. These two characters had a history to work off and it was nice to see that evolve.

The farm was also like a character itself and I loved seeing it from this perspective--the one of a person who truly loves and breathes the space.

What I didn't like so much was the stupid miscommunication that happened near the end because of the FMC's assumptions, fears, and anxieties. I get it, love is scary af, but you know what's scarier? Miscommunications.

Other than that blip, I really enjoyed this one and I can see how anyone who reads this is easily pulled into this fun and quirky contemporary world!

___

Have you read any of these books? Would you recommend them?

___

Happy reading!

[azsazz]

MM Feedback Shared

(for those who wanted me to share the MM feedback, here we are!)

Thank you to everyone who shared feedback with me, really great stuff in here that I've taken notes and and will work to incorporate in the future edits of MM! 💙💙

Anon Feedback 1: MM feedback here☺️ it feel rude to me to like give you feedback because who am I but i sending one in because I love you and want to read a book from you😍 My absolute favourite scenes are the ones in the gallery, it’s so fucking beautiful and a perfect turning point in the story. Another thing that I think someone already mentioned, I think there needs to be like more scene of Azriel with case and Rhys so it can like build his character more and we can connect to him even more than we did! Love you!! Thank you for giving us place for giving you feedback and not like getting mad about it ❤️

Not rude at all! Especially because I asked for feedback! YES, LOVE LOVE LOVE the gallery scene, will def be keeping that around for the book and maybe brushing it up a little. I agree, more friendship things with Rhys and Cass, got it! Thank you for the feedback!! 💙

Anon Feedback 2: Following Midnight Muse feedback First of all I just wanted to say that I loved the series with my whole heart, I probably read every chapter less than five minutes after it’s release and ATE it up every single time. The only thing that felt somewhat off to me was the pacing, especially toward the end of the series. You did such a good job of making them dislike each other that it felt like they got together a bit too quickly and worked out all their issues a little too perfectly. I feel like for the final product I would have reader and Az apologize to each other a little earlier on the grounds of doing better for their friends. Maybe even have someone from the friend group make a bigger deal of the strain this war, about what in the grand scheme of things is not a big deal, is doing to their friendship as a whole. Similar to what Rhys did with Az. After that I would have things like the ride home scene little moments of them trying their best to find a common ground. Have them, begrudgingly, realize that they actually do kind of enjoy each other’s presence. After a tentative peace is managed THEN have them go to the gallery etc etc. You could even put in some healthy arguments, two people who were constantly at each others throats for months won’t suddenly agree on everything immediately just because they like each other, if you would like i personally would’ve liked to have seen them argue and then be like “we need to step away and rehash this calmer”. Also this is a side note, I would’ve liked to have seen Az actually give reader the tattoo. I liked the choice to have it at the end but personally I was waiting for it all series and was a bit sad we didn’t get to read about it but maybe that was just me. Ik once it’s a book you’ll have more time to further flesh out things, and I truly did LOVE reading along. You’re a fantastic writer and I hope this doesn’t come across as overly critical bc that is not my intent. Looking forward to what this project will become ❤️

Good call, I will def work on the pacing. I think I felt a bit rushed and also I was like like how do I write them together when all I know is to write them disliking each other 😅 that was definitely tough for me so i will work on that! Everything you said is such great feedback, thank you so so much for sending me your thoughts! I'm excited to work on it some more and hopefully put out a great piece of work!

Anon Feedback 3: I think if you're looking to publish MM, it needs more of a plot - and I don't mean that in a bad way. I just feel like there weren't really any stakes besides the main characters getting together. You had interesting ideas, like introducing the father as a potential problem, but that didn't really go anywhrre. You could really dig into your MMC overcoming his trauma, however that looks in a published version, and the FMC overcoming her insecurity - which was kind of hinted at but never explored and when it was resolved, I felt like it didn't really...matter much. Like it wasn't relevant as much to the plot? I would encourage you to explore more, dig deeper, figure out a problem or two for them to overcome. As fanfic, I really liked it, for whatever that's worth.

I totally agree with you. I mentioned her imposter syndrome but it was definitely something backseat to their relationship. Will def be fixing that and brining in their family dynamics as well. Thanks!

Anon Feedback 4: ahh it’s my first time sending one of these i’m nervous😬😬(response to this) but OH MY GOD i ADOREDDD midnight muse, i very rarely read series when i read on here but i honestly used to refresh your blog nearly every day looking forward to new chapters your writing is honestly amazing, if you go ahead with this and release it as a book im going to end up with about 10 copies honestly😭😭🤍– it’s very very hard to think of criticisms of this series because of how much i honestly adored it, but if it had to have any id ask for maybe more detail regarding azriel’s family and what exactly happened with his dad buying the apartments, and everyone’s reactions to that. i honestly think you should ofc do what you love with it, judging by the fact you’re making it into a book and also as a reader, i feel like you can really tell that it was something you enjoyed to write and i feel like that made it even more special to read ??? id love to see that come through in the book so please don’t make any changes that you’re not going to enjoy writing🤍🤍and also the whole few parts where he takes her to the art gallery and she sees all of his drawings was just so unbelievably perfect i’d love it if you could keep that the same – overall it was an AMAZING read, if midnight muse has one fan it is me if it has none i am dead, if you turn this into a book i just know it would be so special i hope this was helpful and thank you for being an amazing author !!!🤍🤍🤍

First of all, thank you so so much for the support! It was so much fun and I was with the rest of you, anticipating the next part as if I wasn't the one writing it lol. Yeah, I thought of his dad being a more of a problem later on and it definitely shows, so I will be working on that more during the rewrite process. very excited to explore their personal lives more! This was very helpful, thank you so much for sending me feedback!! 💙

Anon Feedback 5: Hi! I loved Midnight Muse and started reading it when you first posted so my feedback might actually not be amazing for the earlier chapters but I defo agree with the father/az comment on your post and I'm sure your plan is to expand on Cassian/Lucien's personal issues but that would be welcomed as well I think!! Also - and this is a very personal note, but maybe you could make the Az/Reader storyline extend a bit (maybe utilising the father storyline to make it go up and down again) I always love reading about characters' romances after they get together properly as I'm a sucker for an established relationship fic (which is why I like to read fan fictions when books end too soon for my liking😂) Regardless - even if you made zero changes the book would be amazing because I genuinely really loved it!

For sure for az's family relationships, those will be flsuhed out and explored more. For cass and luc I was trying to allude/create anticipation for their own stories because in my ideal world it would be a four book series haha ("az," "rhys," "cass," and then "luc"), but i can definitely work on those more, give them better structure and not keep everything super secret for them! Ugh, i know, i could've written so much more for them too, so obsessed with this. thank you for the feedback, i really appreciate it!

Anon Feedback 6: With the midnight muse feedback personally I found their relationship a bit faked if that makes sense? I feel like he just asked her out and then suddenly it was like they knew eachother forever. Almost like you were rushing their relationship? At points I was like mate you don’t know eachother but other than that it was pretty good and I loved it!

Yeah, this is for sure good feedback to have. their relationship really did do a 180 in the span of a chapter, so i will work on them gradually finding middle ground and then having their feelings come across more natural! Thank you!!

Thank you so much to everyone who sent feedback!! I really appreciate you all so much!! 💙💙

[plenilunebabelary]

Helfyre by Mariel Pomeroy

READ IT. I repeat. READ IT. I haven’t enjoyed a book with open-door smut this much since Kushiel’s Dart, and HELFYRE IS NOT WRITTEN IN PURPLE PROSE. Set in a surprisingly well-researched and intricately-woven world which pulls largely from Arabic myth and legend, this book has Nephilim, Seraphim, Jinns, Fae, Shifters, and Demon Dogs. There is a genealogy guide at the front of the book and it was necessary for me to consult this a few times until I was finally acclimated to the different species and races.

Things Helfyre IS:

[✓] Dark

[✓] Delicious

[✓] Gritty

[✓] Grim

[✓] What A Court of Mist and Fury thinks it is

[✓] What A Court of Mist and Fury would look like, written by a competent author

[✓] PROBABLY sacrilegious (in a couple of different religions) but that is only an incentive for most of us

Things Helfyre HAS:

[✓] A World/Script/Pronunciation Guide (at the FRONT of the book)

[✓] A 28yo FMC (Pomeroy, I could kiss you for that)

[✓] Faustian Bargains

[✓] Soul-bonds

[✓] Tattooed Shadow Daddy

[✓] Nephilim (winged and non-winged)

[✓] Underworld-Marijuana Shotgun Kisses

[✓] An ancient entity of darkness trapped within a mortal vessel (aka Ameren-coded Djynn character)

[✓] Blood-drinking shifters

[✓] Found Family of Witty, Wicked, Deviant Heathens: a torture master, an empath, an ancient entity of darkness trapped within a mortal vessel, a shifter with a thing for blood (idk how else to say there’s an Ameren, Azriel, Cassian, and Mor, while the MMC is like Rhys+Azriel combined if they were *actually* morally gray).

[✓] Found Family Compound in the belly of the Underworld (extremely Shadow Court-coded)

[✓] Underworld Inner City replete with dangerous demihumans, rave parties, and a demon drug trade.

[✓] Demon Boss Conference where everyone is angry that MMC is allowing Good Girl FMC to hang out in the Bad Guy Underworld (very High Lord Meeting-coded)

[✓] (WWDH) Witty Wicked Deviant Heathens attend Underworld Rave Party To Send a Message. This is soooo Feyre-visits-Hewn-City coded, but Helfyre executes it much edgier, much hotter, very delicious; FMC Chooses Brat Over Virtue and it costs someone their life (but she barely cares because At Least She Gets to Cum).

[✓] Morally Gray MMC who is misunderstood (but only a little) and is still very much Morally Gray at the end of the day

[✓] Female Rage. Morally Gray FMC whose bad behavior is instigated and encouraged by Morally Gray MMC

[✓] Damaged darling FMC whose traumas are explored and exploited in ways that lend to the narrative and explain the “why” behind the “what”

[✓] Yearning. Suffering. Banter. Chemistry. Angst.

[✓] Two deliciously depraved love interests who are violent, kinky, selfish, unhinged.

[✓] Hot Girl Moment complete with Thigh Dagger

[✓] Drama, trauma, delicious tear-inducing betrayal beyond all comprehension

[✓] FMC sitting in MMC lap scene (yes it is Hot yes it is Good)

[✓] MMC and FMC fucking on the ground scene—covered in his blood, her blood, and the blood of some dead guy who is like, lying a few feet away (they are absolutely feral neither one of them care in the least).

Actual Messages I Sent to my Book Bestie Whilst Reading Helfyre:

- “This worldbuilding is like me off too much Adderall”

- “Curly hair nephilim with dagger and manbun alert”

- “She was just attacked but I respect her for still thinking with her puthy in this moment”

- “Shadow Daddy Alert”

- “They just met and he’s already stroking her with his tendrils”

- “He’s horny at her bleeding I’m giggling (No I’m not I’m normal and that is wrong)”

- “Corruption Kink alert”

- “She said ‘I’ll do anything’ to the first demon she met. Aheia is the Realest Bitch I Know.”

- “Ok I folded (it was ‘Use your words’ and also him yanking her around by her braid)”

- “WAIT HE JUST SUCKED HER SOUL OUT OF HER LIKE A DEMENTOR”

- “Did I…did I just fall for the seductions of Satan in real time?”

- “He’s just bleeding down the hallway-HELP all the demons are so hot and evil”

- “God is NOT winning the my heart war”

- “Luc just called her Princess, Kenji Kishimoto Style”

- “Yeah, so what if he’s the Devil Rick? At least the Devil has a JOB”

- “SHE IS TOUCHING HERSELF AND HE IS TALKING HER THROUGH IT SEND HELP”

- “ok I’m ovulating”

- “He’s embarrassing her at the dinner table but he just fed her fruit sexually so I forgive him”

- “I- she just lunged at him with a knife”

- “ATTENTION: I have decided I will also be holding it for him”

- “He just choked her with shadows to the point of losing her vision and it made her cum. This is the realest bitch in fiction.”

- “He called her ‘my vicious little creature’” I have to sit down”

[libraryofxaviersring]

౨ৎ Recent Arcs I Received ౨ৎ

📍It Will Only Hurt for a Moment (Edelweiss, Adult, Mystery-thriller)

An atmospheric feminist horror novel about a woman trying to reinvent herself at a secluded artists' colony, only to be drawn into its dark past—from the Thriller and Stoker Award-nominated author of The Violence. Releases on October 22, 2024.

📍Bull Moon Rising (Edelweiss, Monster Romance)

In a world of magical artifacts and fantastical beings, a woman determined to save her family joins forces with an unlikely partner, in this steamy romantasy by USA Today bestselling author Ruby Dixon. Releases on Ocotober 15, 2024.

📍Red in Tooth and Claw (Edelweiss, Horror)

MC is disguised as man and is shipped off to a remote social outcasts and finds a mangled body of a settlement boarder. This will be released on October 8, 2024.

📍 So Thirsty (Netgalley, Vampires, Horror, Mystery-thriller)

A woman must learn to take life by the throat after a night out leads to irrevocable changes in this juicy, thrilling novel from the USA Today bestselling author of Such Sharp Teeth and Black Sheep. Releases on September 10, 2024.

📍 Revenge of the Forgotten (Sent by the Author, Fantasy)

MC is transported to a strange world where a dawning rebellion takes place. This will be released on September 13, 2023

📍The Academy of the Dead (Sent by the Author, Gothic, Fantasy Romance)

College setting academic rivals, gothic fantasy. FMC and MMC are necromancer I believed. Both became reluctant allies to recover a lost page of the book of the dead. Releases on October 11, 2024.

📍Rum Sips and Salty Lips (Sent by the Author, Contemporary Romance)

Grumpy x Sunshine small town romance. FMC and MMC had a one nigh stand and turns out that they were neighbours and had to keep everything a secret on their friends as they navigate personal traumas and problems. This will be released on September 20, 2024.

📍 When He Takes (Sent by the Author, Mafia Romance)

Sequel to When He Desires. This is going to be hate to love since the first book ended on having Nero's identity revealed and enemies going to be on their backs. This will be released on August 31, 2024.

📍 Whispers of Deception (Sent by the Author, Dark Romance)

Bodyguard x Mafia Princess? I'm not sure. Marriage of Convenience and probably a revenge and hate to love plot. This will be released on September 17, 2024.

These are all the latest arcs I received. I'm also gonna do a kindle haul soon since I also got a number of new kindle books added on my kindle library 🙈

Bookstagram Booktwt Goodreads

[cocktailsfairytales]

BRISTOL by @AuthorNicoleSulli is coming August 19th!!

Preorder this all-new MC romance, filled with ALL the spice TODAY!

PREORDER HERE:

https://amzn.to/3Q6CBwQ

What to expect:

MC Romance

Captive FMC

Possessive/Protective MMC

Club Drama

*this book has multiple triggers including but not limited to captivity, r*pe, abuse, torture, & m*rder*

BLURB

Sebastian

The broken girl that Mo brought to the clubhouse had me wanting to save her from herself and anyone else that dare hurt her from the moment I saw her. Now it’s my personal mission to find the bastard that did this to her and make him suffer worse than he can possibly imagine. I’m trying to piece this broken soul back together with my own two hands, but can we really withstand the trauma she’s been through or are we doomed before we even begin?

Bristol

Most girls at seventeen are thinking about college, parties, what boy they want to go to prom with. Me? I was thinking of a way to escape my new reality. I was kidnapped before I could make any of those normal seventeen year old girl decisions. Instead of normal, I was held in a concrete room and forced to become a toy for my own personal version of Satan for six long years. Then my new reality took a turn. I was rescued. SAVED. But at what cost?

[away-ward]

hey ko, i was that prev anon, and thanks for redirecting me to that blog!

and just want to make some comments here about:

"The op in the screenshots seemed to ask for a guy that wasn't a jerk, and PD was like "well, I tried and nobody liked it."

and

"PD seems to struggle with understanding what really makes their MLI seem like jerks."

i honest to god disagree with PD on this because birthday girl solely existed and written for the "nice guy who works hard in life, and deserves good things to happen to him" trope. Like pd literally wrote this for their fans who wanted something differently. And while pike lawson, the mmc, was not the most clean mmc ever, he really was overally just a good and great man.

-

here's some author's note about birthday girl from the recently re-released paperback of birthday girl:

BIRTHDAY GIRL Q AND A

Birthday Girl is different from your usual work. Did you worry that it would disappoint readers?

I think I'm always nervous. Especially when my editor gets ahold of a book! She's brutal.

But honestly, I never feel like I have a choice but to be who I am. I loved the idea, and it felt really good—a nice change of pace to write a kinder hero, someone who works hard for a living and deserves to come home to a person who loves him. I remember a reader saying, "This is the book I didn't know I needed from Penelope Douglas," and that was great to hear, because readers, I think, needed to see that I could write a man like Pike. He has his moments, but he's not a bully. He has no real trauma. He's a good man.

-

and guess what, birthday girl was actually loved by a lot of fans, even if theyre not fans of taboo romances, dark romances or bully romances. The only criticisms this book get was because of is 1. Age gap, 2. Light Misogyny, and 3. If they're just not into smutty taboo indie romances. Literally. So if PD KNOWS how to write mmc like pike and fmc like jordan, wtf do they mean they dont know how to write jerks? Like wh does what they said always dont make sense?

but then they also almost only seem like will grayson is a cute quirky guy acting as if he did not assault rika in corrupt so? Idk. And them being confused when people dont understand why tuernan in credence ended up with kaleb because kaleb was not given enough space in the books at the other two potential love imterest is so? Like why are you surprised? Putting aside all the taboo or problematic aspects of the book, kaleb still was not around tiernan a lot and their development was shite.

i just ugh, wtv haha idkew to think rn, i shouldve jjst read and move on

Ah see, I haven't read any of their other books, but I have heard birthday girl is one of their more well received even if credence is better known. I apologize for talking about what I didn't know.

So it seems they do understand how to write a character that isn't a jerk. But then why did the reader ask for a mmc that isn't a jerk, and why didn't PD just point to birthday girl instead of bringing up nightfall, which they should know their fans are divided on?

PD isn't an author I give a lot of mind to. For the most part, I'm not into what they write, so their reasonings don't often make sense to me. They really took a misstep here by asking for feedback and then immediately rejecting it when someone brought up a topic they didn't want to discuss (Alex). If that's the case, don't bring up the topic (nightfall) first.

Edited paragraph: It would be one thing if they actually wanted to learn and expand their understanding of what the issue is, but I truly don't think they care. They like what they wrote. They're proud of what they wrote. And they have a right to enjoy it. Writing takes so much time and energy, to reach a finished product is an accomplishment. I have no doubt it hurts to present your work to "fans" and then have them riot. Which is why they're wanting to shut down conversations about it; it hurts. But no body is conceding their side, and we shouldn't be expected to.

I don't feel there is a lot here to make sense of, and I don't understand enough PD to even attempt to explain a reason. It's unfortunate, really. Sometimes the best thing to do is just ignore the author and like you said, move on.

[propshophannah]

Manon Pregnancy HC/Theory; Elide Lochan: Heart of Darkness?

[For everyone who kept asking for this, I’m sorry it took me so long!] Let me say this: I will be the first one to tell you that I absolutely HATE pregnancy plot lines. So as much as the art kid/visual culture nerd in me wants this to happen, I also DO NOT want it to happen. And I can honestly see the ending of the series playing out 1,000 different ways. This is just one way that my art-nerd heart loves. Do I think it will happen this way? Eh. It’s significantly more complicated than Manorian/Rowaelin/Elorcan/anyone “Mutli-Heir Theory of Lock”-ing their way to seal the gate. But who knows!

This post also includes: 

A “Bonus Manorian HC” so scroll to that (you’ll see it in huge font) if that’s what you’re here for. (It’s angsty so GET READY!)

A “Elide Lochan Heart of Darkness” is more a HC that I haven’t fully explored. But it would deal with Petrah, Manon, Iskra (yuck), and Elide teaming up to play a significant role is how this all goes down. So skip to that header if you clicked for that.

The MMC Manon Pregnant Theory is this: 

Manon Crochan/Blackbeak will be the symbolic Mother, she will actually get pregnant, she will be the first witch to have a witchling on the Wastes (the “savior/blessed” child) in 500 years, and her birthing blood (“life” blood) will be the last ingredient to return life to the land. Her blood will effectually “water” or “feed” the land.

The Who/What/Where/Why of this theory:

The Three-Faced Goddess (TFG) is the one who cursed Brannon’s heir. She was the only one who spoke. The Eye of Elena is her symbol.

The big, outer circle is the crone (represented by the Yellowlegs), the top inner circle is the Mother (represented by the Blackbeaks), and the bottom circle is the Maiden (represented by the Bluebloods). In the middle of where the Mother and Maiden symbols meet is the “heart of the Darkness within her.”

Bluebloods: Maiden

Blackbeaks: Mother

Yellowlegs: Crone

We could argue that Maas already gave us a dead symbolic representation of the Three-faced Goddess—aka the Maiden, Mother, Crone (MMC).

Maiden: Nehemia (Not in the virginal sense but the unmarried/died before her time sense)

Mother: Marion (Elide’s mom)

Crone: Elena or Rhiannon (Elena died and old lady with kids. Rhiannon died as one of the Ancients and spilled her blood to set the curse—do you see where this is going?)

So why not give us a living representation of the MMC? It’s certainly a juicy option for an author not to consider. So in that line of thinking, here are some options:

Maiden: Elide (currently only unmarried virgin)

Mother: Manon (cuz she’s a Blackbeak who are represented by the Mother)

Crone: Elena or Maeve? Or someone we haven’t met/someone I’m forgetting? (I get that Elena isn’t technically alive, but she is alive enough as a spirit to count.)

Anyway, moving on!

Why Manon? Well she is a Blackbeak, the symbolic Mothers. Then she and Dorian are totally mates(see this post for evidence)/drawn together as if fate demands it. His magic reacts to protect her without him having to think about it. Their sex scene was very much a “love making” scene. And Manon’s NUMBER ONE thing about Dorian is that he has no fear. And we already know from QoS, that humans who have no fear taste better to witches!

SIDE THEORY ALERT! I’d wager that the witches have such a high miscarriage rate not because witchlings are rare, but because they’re getting pregnant by men who they’re not in love with/who do not love them. Asterin lost her baby at the very end of her pregnancy. I’d argue that maybe the TFG/Fate killed her witchling because TFG/Fate needed Asterin to look out for Manon and get her on the right path to finding Dorian and understanding what love is. None of that would have happened had Asterin had that baby and then left to live with the hunter.

If the blood of fearless humans changes and tastes better, why would other fluids not be affected? Why would the body of a witch in love (with a human who loved her fearlessly) not be more apt to want to carry that man’s child to term?

The curse on the Wastes:

“Blood to blood and soul to soul, together this was done, and together it can be undone. Be the bridge, be the light. When iron melts, when flowers spring from fields of blood–let the land be witness, and return home.”

Now, each line of this will work on MULTIPLE levels. It already does (For digressions on the curse see this post, and this post). BUT let us mold it to fit a Manon pregnancy.

“Blood to blood and soul to soul, together this was done, and together it can be undone.” Canarram? Duh. But sex? Yes! Manon’s parents “made” her to liberate the Wastes, and what if Manon and Dorian need to “make” a child of their own to liberate the Wastes? (Not to mention that I think their magic could/will work together in the final battle.) Even if it’s not a baby they’re making, just good sex—still fit this line. LOL.

“Be the bridge, be the light.” The theory falters physically here. Symbolically we could argue that Manon is actually becoming a bridge, or IS already the bridge. But frankly every time I read this I think, “She’s gonna Yield in a ball of light (to either help seal the keys or forge the new Lock) and the sacrifice she was promised to make will her iron,” cuuuz next line….

“When iron melts, when flowers spring from fields of blood–let the land be witness, and return home.” Bummer. Manon (all witches??) is probably gonna lose their iron? And if that happens, her baby is technically NOT a witchling anymore—so what’s the point in a Manon being pregnant? There isn’t one. Theory cancelled. But let’s say it still counts, or that Crochans maybe don’t have iron = still a witch! Also, I don’t have to remind you that when Kaltain used her shadowfire Manon thought it felt like her iron was melting do I? Or that maybe kinda Kaltain Yielded?

The flowers springing from fields of blood is a dead give away to me of the Kings Bloom flower of Terrassen blooming for Aelin aka Brannon’s heir (place your bets on that cuz it’s happening! The Curse on Brannon’s heir and the Wastes are TIED TOGETHER. Cuz Rhiannon and Brannon has something going on/a plan). BUT if we want to interpret this for Manon prego plotline, then we could argue that the blood will be Manon’s birthing blood and the flowers will be the land coming back to life when she has the baby and once the rest of the witches know it’s safe to have witchlings there and that the land is fertile for them once again—they will return home.

THEREFORE,

All that coupled with the fact that Rhiannon had to die and spill her blood to cast the curse, makes it even more symbolic and JUICY for Manon to have to bleed her blood, her literal life giving blood, and do so while she is bringing life into the world. I mean I can’t write that any better. To me, it’s an author’s/artist’s wet dream. It hits on so many levels. And that’s why I can’t stop thinking about it. Of course, it’s been done, right. Maas wouldn’t be the first author/artist to use that kind of symbolism. But I don’t think it’s been done enough times that it’s tropy.

Now, IF Manon gets pregnant, I don’t think we will see her running about at 8 months pregnant. I think what will happen, is that by the time the book ends, Manon will only be a few months pregnant. Maybe not even showing…

But let’s think about how knowing his mate/the love of his life is pregnant (with all likely ingrained human pregnant woman stereotypes), will affect dear Dorian. (INSERT EVIL GRIN).

Dorian’s biggest issue is that he could not do anything while a woman he cared about (Sorscha) died. He was powerless. Then he was thrown into a collar. The traumas are tied together and inseparable. As we see him in EoS, Dorian’s thing is he doesn’t want to get attached to breakable women, and because Manon is the one who saved him, and the one he is just so damn attracted/drawn to—he tries to stay the hell away from her. But he can’t. But that’s okay, because she is a witch and is therefore less breakable than human women.

But the thing about human men is, they think pregnancy makes people weak. It’s a horrible, disgusting stereotype that pregnant women are somehow weakened and frailer than the rest of us. (It honestly makes my skin crawl when I think about it.) And to SOME degree, there are mobility issues toward the end of the pregnancy, right? It gets hard to walk around, it’s uncomfortable blah blah blah.

But all that is baggage Dorian would be unable to NOT bring into the equation when it came to knowing he got Manon pregnant. And while I think Maas would only make a pregnant Manon an even bigger badass, Dorian is going to be supportive of her kicking Valg ass, BUT he is also going to be internally freaking out sometimes. And my angst loving heart wants that so fucking badly!

BONUS ANGST: Dorian was the only reason his father could fight the Valg inside him. And we see in EoS, Dorian thinking he is somehow weaker for not being able to fight the Valg when he is in the collar. WELL….

BONUS MANORIAN HEADCANON:

SO LET’S JUST SAY Manon is finally captured by Erawan’s Bloodhounds. Dorian goes with the 13 to mount an all out assault on Morath (of course Petrah helps). But something goes wrong, and Dorian—who said he’d never beg for anything else in his entire life and ALSO never wear a collar again—gets down on his gods-damned knees and BEGS Erawan and the Matron not to hurt Manon. He, a king with raw magic, prostrates himself on the ground and begs them not to hurt her because he chose her. And if he had more time, or another way, he knows he’d choose his people. Choose to be their king. To see them through the ending of the empire and this war. But this, saving her, his queen, in the hopes that she can save them all, is the only thing he can offer his people, or her. So he does.

(Simultaneously Manon has her big CD moment of “this is what romantic love looks like/this is what it feels like when someone who is not duty bound to me loves me and determines that I am worthy enough to be saved.”)

They throw Manon to the ground, bring out a collar, and AS DORIAN FUCKING HAVILLIARD TELLS MANON THROUGH THEIR WEIRD MIND MELD THING THAT HE LOVES HER (FOR THE FIRST TIME), HE SEES HOW HER HAND SUBTLY GRAZES HER STOMACH AND HE PUTS ALL THE CLUES TOGETHER—THE ONES HE’S BEEN GATHERING FOR WEEKS AND WEEKS, AND HE REALIZES SHE’S PREGNANT.

They snap that collar on him. Everything goes black. But the Valg prince cannot take control.

It tries and tries, but Dorian finds the fight he did not know he had, the fight that his father had when he’d pushed the Valg in him to the side so that he could help Dorian, his son. And Dorian finally understands what it means to be king. To have to choose the lesser of two evils even though both mean lives will be lost, he understands what being king means, and he wants to do it. He wants to be king. To be better than his father. To tell his father’s story about a King who tried to help them all by putting his faith in his son so that he might save them all.

And Dorian realizes that his father—not the Valg inside him—made him spend all that time with Aedion even though the general hated him. Dorian realizes that it was not an accident that his father—not the Valg inside him—brought him to Oakwald that day and made him stay outside the wagon where he would no doubt meet Manon, with her Valg king’s eyes. That she might save him because there was a chance that the Matron’s heir was really Rhiannon’s and he had known that. Had taken that chance—

And so Dorian Havilliard has the strength to kill the Valg inside the collar. Unbeknownst to them all. The scene plays out. Dorian obeys as if is under control, MANON (and Abraxos if he’s there) is the only one who can see that it’s Dorian and not a Valg. They trick them all. And at the right moment, Dorian and the Thirteen and Petrah with her coven (and maybe some witch-mirrors!) blast those bitches to shit. The Matron dies, so does her coven. Probably Iskra. They really clean house. The rest of the ariel legions have to submit to Manon, and let’s be honest—she was always considerate of them (see HoF and QoS for evidence) so they WANT to follow her.

Dorian and Manon both get the final pieces of their character development puzzles put back in place. And yeah. I maybe gave Dorian’s dad more credit than he deserves, BUT you have to wonder why he did some of the strange things he did…

Moving on.

Elide Lochan Heart of Darkness

Again, this is more a HC that I haven’t fully explored. But it could maybe deal with Petrah, Manon, Iskra (yuck), and Elide teaming up to play a significant role is how this all goes down.

The Three-Faced Goddess symbol (the Eye of Elena): The big circle is the crone (represented by the Yellowlegs), the top inner circle is the Mother (represented by the Blackbeaks), and the bottom circle is the Maiden (represented by the Bluebloods). In the middle of where the Mother and Maiden symbols meet is the “heart of the Darkness within her.”

MMC wise: Petrah, Manon, Iskra would be the Maiden, Mother, Crone and Elide would be the “Heart of Darkness” within her.

But also when I read that, three things occur to me:

Do Crochans consider themselves to be the whole TFG symbol combined? Do they consider themselves to be the middle part? Maybe….?

The Heart of Darkness is obviously part of the ebony wave that comes when an “Ironteeth” witch Yields.

Maybe Elide is the Heart of Darkness because she can be all three? We see her look young, old, and middle aged. What if she is the MMC all wrapped up into one person?

We know Elide has some amount of witchblood in her, AND she is guided by a goddess who makes “death by Hellas” look like the pleasant option. What if Elide is somehow all three, or is somehow the Heart of Darkness? (If Elide is Crochan, maybe that’s the Crochan part of the symbol? Assuming they use the symbol. Rhiannon had a star crown on and so does the Blueblood matron (who probably stole it after the war).)

But also the whole Elide oracle thing and the fact that Terrasen’s great court had an oracle (Thanks to @yavannamire for reminding me of this). And let’s be honest, Elide is already kind of using oracle powers isn’t she? She can judge a crowd and determine who will give up the information she wants. She also dressed like a fortune teller for a good chunk of EoS and I believe Lorcan called her the “oracle incarnate” or the “fortuneteller incarnate” or something like that.

Now let’s back up. We know nothing of the Crochan’s (that we know of). So what if Elide is the kind of Ironteeth witch known for having oracular sight? A blueblood?

It would fit right? Bluebloods claim to have the sight. They are the “Maidens” and Elide is currently the only actual maiden we have. And then there is this:

As @yavannamire discussed in this post, “if she’s blueblood, we cannot forget what Manon thought about them: “Manon sometimes thought the Bluebloods were the deadliest of them all.”(HoF, ch. 12). And as we all know, The Lady of Wise Things is unforgiving, since the death granted by Anneith is vicious, as they say.”

So Elide could be a Blueblood. She could also still be the MMC wrapped up in one person. AKA the Heart of Darkness at the center of the symbol for the TFG. We see her dressed as Elide, a young Maiden, see her dressed as a married woman/We could argue that (so some degree) that’s her as the Mother, and I’m pretty sure at one point Lorcan sees her acting like an old lady, aka the Crone. We ALSO, see Elide running around in witch leathers and a fortune teller costume. I mean, come on. We know she’s already a witch, why not an oracle too? And if you go there, then why can’t we also argue her to be the MMC?

AND that’s all I got. Sorry the last thought it so jumbled and unfinished!

[acourtofthought]

You: “I don't feel there are many things that would cause a male to blush when zero words are being spoken but he's getting a glimpse into a females soul.”

But when Lucien blushes when talking about Vassa, that’s conveniently non-romantic…?

Not all blushes are created equal (would you like me to provide you the scenes where Az blushed for Nesta, Mor, and Cassian?) and you're obviously ignoring the part where I said "no words are spoken".

Is it truly that impossible for you to understand there may be other interpretations to the text?

Lucien is probably not blushing because he has a crush on Vassa. He's blushing because he's showing respect for a friend and Feyre is reading into it while right in front of his mate and it embarrassed him because he doesn't want Elain getting the wrong impression.

Something other characters also seem to have an issue with when it comes to Lucien:

Lucien has female friends, I know it's a new concept to some but not every interaction between a male and a female will equal love or endgame.

You realize Lucien just met Vassa while they were marching to war? Where exactly was there time for him to develop feelings for her?

Isn't that one of E/riels arguments? That Gwyns rescue by Az cannot be romantically coded (even though SJM made it a point to tell us he was the one to arrive first, slaughter them all then give her a coat) because her situation was traumatic yet somehow Vassa having just been rescued from Koschei by Papa Archeron after her kidnapping and marching to war where Lucien then met up with them is romantic? Not that Gwyns trauma is in any way romantic at that exact time however it does set the stage for Az, her possible mate, having played the most major part in her lowest moment.

Also, Lucien seemed very comfortable leaving his supposed crush a moment later:

And that supposed crush on Vassa? Where is it over a year later, after he's been living with her yet still looks at Elain like this:

Honestly, what kind of romance stories do you enjoy reading? Because I do not like my MMC looking at other females with longing while they're supposedly into someone else.

It's cute you think Lucien has a crush on Vassa because he blushed when Feyre made a big deal over something yet the thought of Gwyn's happiness sparking something in Azriel's chest is not romantically coded 🙈😂

I'd also like to note that after something sparks in Azriel's chest for Gwyn, we never see him have another interaction with Elain.

As far as Lucien blushing over Elain while connected through their bond. Elain said nothing to Lucien to cause that blush nor did anyone else. There were no words exchanged between them. He blushed over simply thinking back on whatever he felt while connected to her, (a fun thing mates can do) over whatever he saw inside of her soul. That's a hell of a lot more romantic than Feyre and Lucien chatting after they were both just in a war and his mate was standing a foot away while Feyre made assumptions.

[eienias20]

Skells & Love 14

01: Broken - 13: Origin

Fallout

Four days have passed since the massive battle in the Oblivian canyon.

The Mimeosome Maintenance Center was still as busy as ever, all the heavily wounded had been taken in and repairs were proceeding at a slow but constant pace. The death toll had been calculated as well as the loss of weapons both ground gear and Skells. Wrothians still deployed in the canyon returned relative enemy kills, there was still far too much waste all over the Oblivian battlefield, as such the numbers would never be accurate but it was something to look to.

During the last two days, all those at BLADE Command were in deep thought over how they should relay the information they’ve been receiving to everyone in New Los Angeles. In the interim, many individuals all over the city had already come to their own conclusions based on what they heard from others who fought or what they read in the countless field reports.

Nothing that could be said would satisfy everyone but something had to be said. Realizing this, Chausson stepped up, giving a nod to Nagi and Vandham before the feeds went live. His image appeared on BLADE tower and on every single active Comm Device inside and outside of NLA.

“This is Director General Maurice Chausson. The first thing I wish to say to all of you is this: thank you for all of you hard work and thank you for all the sacrifice you’ve all put yourself through in the name of keeping humanity safe. These last four days have been hectic to say the least. We’re all striving to help those who gave so much, mourn those who’ve fallen and to look ahead to what comes next but before we do we must close the book on the operation in Oblivia. There have been a lot of after action reports filed and everyone has their own thoughts on how our Mission turned out. I am here to let you all know, definitively, based off every report my team has gone over…that the Mission was a success.”

Chausson took a deep breath before continuing.

“Our goal was to break the Ganglion. End them. I can confirm that with the death of Councilman Aer Ethos and the destruction of the Ganglion’s warship…the Ganglion are no longer a factor. They aren’t broken, they aren’t scattered, they aren’t lying in wait…the Ganglion as whole is now dead.”

“It may be hard to believe given that yes, various Ganglion commanders and agents escaped the battle and I have little doubt that our teams in the field won’t come across hostile Xenoforms in the future. Even so, from what we’ve been able to gather, those who escaped the battle were separatists, breaking away from the Ganglion. This group called themselves the Remnants and they’ve fallen in line behind a Milsaadi operator named Badul. We know not what they’re planning to do but we have a good idea as to where to start looking. Once the Oblivian Canyon is cleared out we’ll begin.”

“Until then, I want you all to know that yes. We lost more BLADEs, more Prone and more Wrothians than we expected to but such is war. Such is conflict. While we lost many, we killed and triumphed over a great many more. Humanity is looking forward, looking to new projects on ensuring our survival here on Mira. The enemies have changed but the task remains the same.”

“We are here to secure our future and whatever these Remnants have planned…we will persevere. We will live. We will thrive.”

With that, Chausson bowed his head as the feed cut.

Observing the speech in the Administrative District was Alexa.

She nodded her head to everything the Director General had said, from the outside it didn’t look like a resounding success and to be honest, it wasn’t. But it was definitely a win.

Sighing she turned towards the MMC as Frye stepped out, or rather, as he stumbled out. Alexa approached with a wide smile.

“Drunk already?”

“Heh. I may as well be but no…they literally shoved me out the front door.”

“Why? What were you doing?”

Frye chuckled.

“Not much. In fact, from the moment I could walk I had like five doctors, Solan and Bradbury included telling me to get out.”

Alexa turned towards the front door then back to Frye.

“They do have a lot of people to treat.”

“I didn’t even get the secretary’s number. She’s a cute one.”

Alexa laughed.

“Okay. Now the shoving makes sense.”

“Harsh.”

The smiles on the pair faded a bit as Frye spoke up.

“Did everyone else get out of the MMC? Lin, Markinson, Hope, H.B., Jenkins, Yelv?”

Alexa nodded.

“Yeah, you were the last one. What happened if you don’t mind me asking?”

Frye thought back.

“We were surrounded. A new Marnuck commander and his elite forces blindsided us. Yelv took the lead of the offensive, charging the new Marnuck forces as H.B. gave out orders to retreat; he wanted us to pull back and into Nagi’s Division before we were encircled. Phog had the unlucky placement, that Marnuck uh…his name was Hadam I believe. I’m pretty certain I heard him say so but…anyway, this Hadam asshole was lookin’ to beat on my brother and I was not having that so I charged in.”

Alexa smiled.

“Of course you did. Took a blow to the head?”

“Not immediately. I went toe to toe with that big asshole for a bit but yeah…I took a few blows to the everything. I don’t remember much after that, pieces mainly. But I feel back to full right now!”

Frye flexed to show off that he was fine, Alexa laughing in response. As silence greeted the pair, they were once again downcast. Troubled.

“I…couldn’t get a look at Irina before I left…and I have no clue where Jaynix is…”

Frye noted Alexa’s expression, she was sad before. All his words did was bring her further down.

“C’mon Skell Nut. Irina and Jaynix are the strongest most stubborn gals that we know, right?”

“…yeah…I finally have some free time from Skell repairs and damage assessments so I decided to come by and see them. I really wish I could’ve come sooner.”

Frye smiled and gestured to the door.

“Well, you’re here now. So go. Leave this old drunk to go find his brother.”

The Interceptor approached, patting Alexa’s shoulder before taking off. With a deep breath, Alexa stepped into the MMC and spotted Mia and Celica still aiding with what they could. The pair saw her as well and waved before returning to work. Walking towards reception, Alexa greeted the secretary.

“Ah, Alexa. How can I help you?”

“Hey Harriet. If it’s all fine with the staff, I’d like to see Irina.”

“Irina? Right. Of course.”

Alexa waited a few moments before asking.

“She was in really bad shape right? How’s she doing now?”

Harriet continued looking through her files as she spoke.

“Very bad shape indeed, there was a lot of external trauma…last report I got says she was on the path to recovery but I myself haven’t seen her. Busy.”

Alexa looked around the main lobby, seeing all the people walking about. Many doctors were clearly still on call. Some were sleeping on the various seats around, probably having pulled all-nighters.

“Ah! Here we go.”

Harriet showed Alexa an outline of the various floors and the Pods inside, she pointed to one two rooms down. Alexa noted the directions and thanked Harriet before walking away.

In the Commercial District, a small group of one human and three Xenoforms sat having listened to Chausson’s speech as well. They were all silent, thinking. Right up until one made an observation.

“Do your people not see this as a victory?”

Kruse snapped out of his thoughts and looked across the table they were all sitting at.

“Why do you ask that Prince Jiarg?”

The Wrothian gestured to several other individuals who, following the end of the speech, were now returning to their own day, some didn’t seem happy. Far from it in fact. Kruse could only sigh.

“Well…we lost a lot of people…an entire Division.”

“You let the losses of war overshadow the victory? I don’t understand this.”

“Prince Jiarg.”

Looking from Kruse to Elma, the Wrothian waited as she spoke.

“Didn’t you lose all the Wrothians you sent to reinforce the Fifth Division?”

“Yes. We lost many great warriors but for Wrothians, dying in battle is their final glory. We carried the day. They will be mourned and buried…but we shall not look down upon their sacrifice.”

Elma nodded as Kruse crossed his arms.

“I wish we could be the same.”

“We are of different peoples. Cultures. Nothing else need be said.”

Prince Jiarg stood and prepared to leave before turning to the last person present.

“Ga Buidhe.”

Standing she followed her Prince away from the other two, coming to a stop when Ga Jiarg did. She watched as he looked to the surrounding humans and other Xenoforms before speaking.

“I’ve remained in this city far longer than I intended. Are you set to return to Oblivia? To our stronghold?”

Ga Buidhe was quieter for a much longer stretch of time than ever before. Ga Jiarg gave her an odd look; she was always quick to respond when he questioned her. Shaking her head she finally spoke.

“My apologies. I should be looking to return to our Stronghold but…my Prince…I’d like to ask to remain behind for a while longer.”

She could see the Prince fall into deep thought.

“Why?”

“…someone was hurt. A friend…”

“A friend…you’ve changed Ga Buidhe.”

She couldn’t hold back a chuckle.

“As have you, my Prince.”

The Wrothian laughed.

“I suppose we all have. Humans are mysterious that way. Very well, Ga Buidhe. The rest of our warriors will be returning to the Stronghold to prepare burials. It should take us a few days before the ceremony. I trust you’ll return by then?”

“Yes my Prince.”

“I pray that your friend is well.”

Ga Buidhe bowed to her Prince as he walked away, several Wrothian guards along the perimeter falling in line alongside him.

Once he was gone, Ga Buidhe turned back and rejoined Kruse and Elma, the man tilting his head.

“You’re staying?”

“Is that a problem?”

Kruse shook his head and smiled.

“Not at all. Just surprised. You’ve been here for a while.”

“My Prince can manage many duties and our people without me…but he does expect me back in a few days. Before then I wish to know about Irina and Jaynix.”

Elma sat in silence, seeing Irina’s Skell getting destroyed, the woman still inside of it as it burst into flames. She was right there and she couldn’t stop it. Seeing her troubled look, Kruse put a hand on Elma’s shoulder before speaking.

“Irina’s tough and she did what she did for Jaynix. Can’t fault her there. She was brave.”

Elma nodded.

“All of that is true. She’ll be fine…”

Ga Buidhe waited a few moments. She wasn’t sure why but asking this felt strange.

“And Jaynix? I tried asking at the MMC yesterday but no one would talk to me.”

Kruse tilted his head.

“Really? That’s strange…Elma, is that normal?”

Elma shook her head.

“No…but Alexa should be there right now. She’ll let us know.”

The three of them remained silent, Elma had told them about what happened following Jaynix’s first surgery. The way she tore through the MMC, attacking doctors and BLADEs that tried to help or restrain her.

Closing her eyes, Elma thought back.

Jaynix was placed back onto her operating table and strapped down. Elma saw Benton approaching with a needle, the man had seen better days.

“That isn’t an anesthetic is it?”

“Elma. If we don’t put her under she’ll wake up again and attack my staff. I’ve had enough of this.”

Elma waited as he put the needle aside.

“Do you know how much trouble this woman has caused me?”

“She’s a patient. You’re a doctor.”

Benton waved her off.

“But do you know? After that horrible open cavity surgery I’ve received notices from some of my best doctors that they aren’t coming in. I asked when, they said never. They’ve had nightmares of her screams, a few have woken with their hands covered in blood that they couldn’t wash off. Some came here thinking she died and they were inconsolable. She’s cost me my valued workforce.”

Benton gestured around the rest of the building.

“Those left that I can count on are Dr. Falkan, Dr. Solan, Dr. Bradbury, Dr. Jun and…not many more if I’m being honest. She’s your friend. I get that. But what am I going to do about the countless other patients now eh?”

Picking the syringe back up, Benton moved towards Jaynix, Elma catching his hand.

“I apologize for the trouble she’s caused you.”

“Oh that’ll fix it…”

“But the patient’s demands were clear. She is not to go under.”

Benton narrowed his eyes.

“The MMC is my jurisdiction, I’m the proprietor, a position to me granted by all the department heads.”

Benton pulled his hand away.

“Do you know Jaynix came to the MMC before the Mission? She came and spoke to Harriet and I about a friend she has that was having issues…I knew something was off but I let it slide. First visits always plague the visitor with nerves and doubts. This woman…she hasn’t been to the MMC since Awakening, have you ever stopped to wonder why it is her mim fell apart? Why you had to call in a Black Alert?”

Elma continued to listen to Benton as he stepped away.

“This woman doesn’t care at all for her state…and look what it’s done to everything.”

“She has instabilities yes, but that’s when we work harder than ever to help her. You’re a doctor, Benton. Surely you understand this?”

He shook his head and gestured to the door.

“There is only so much patience that one can have. Now please, leave.”

Elma walked past him, reaching the door when she heard something. Turning she found him injecting Jaynix with the anesthetic. Elma’s shock was quickly replaced by anger.

“You son of a bitch.”

Ignoring her Benton walked off to his office. Elma stood in place, looking at Jaynix. It took her a few moments to realize what she just said. Sighing, she shook her head and left the MMC.

“Alexa!”

Snapping out of her thoughts, Elma opened her eyes and turned to see the Outfitter approaching. Elma could see that Alexa was upset about something, watching her as Ga Buidhe asked.

“Did something happen?”

The Outfitter sighed, now that she was closer they could see the deep sadness in her eyes.

“They wouldn’t let me see her…I was turned away by everyone.”

Kruse, Elma and Ga Buidhe stood up, walking towards Alexa. With Kruse speaking.

“They wouldn’t let you see her? Jaynix?”

Alexa started to explain.

“I saw Irina, her vitals and everything look great, she’s recovering at an astounding pace, that’s what the doctors said. Their best estimates put her waking up tomorrow. After that, I asked her attending staff if I could see Jaynix and they just said no.”

Alexa’s eyes started to water as she repeated.

“They just said no…”

Elma stepped closer, putting a hand on Alexa’s shoulder as she continued.

“I thought…I thought that maybe…she died and no one wanted to tell me anything…everyone else kept saying no or I don’t know…there were armed BLADEs all around the MMC. I asked what they were doing there and they wouldn’t tell me either.”

Ga Buidhe crossed her arms.

“Armed guards?”

Elma thought to Jaynix’s frantic escape attempt. Were they planning on shooting her if she tried that again?

“The secretary. Harriet. She was the only one who told me anything…she said that everyone in the MMC. The doctors, the aid staff and the BLADEs, they were given orders not to talk about Jaynix and not to let anyone see her.”

Alexa looked up to Elma, Kruse and Ga Buidhe, the latter two seemed confused by this before Elma asked.

“Orders? By who?”

Nagi, Vandham and Chausson stood in the BLADE Tower command center. The large holo-screens before them filled with images of a massive Xern. Leva’el the Terminus.

Smaller screens were filled with images of other Xerns that BLADE has encountered, primarily around Cauldros. Using those smaller Xerns as a basis they were able to superimpose the images over one another to compare and put together data on Leva’el’s offensive and defensive capabilities. While it was a good starting point there were very clear structural differences in Leva’el’s design beyond the startling size difference.

Not to mention the weapon it turned on them.

“Apocalypse Wand…that was it right?”

Chausson asked. Nagi looked to him, nodding.

“It was heard all over the battlefield.”

Vandham sighed as he brought up a holo-screen full of output readings.

“I have the data transmitted from the Skells in Bozé and Doug’s assault team during that attack. Everything just went haywire, overloaded and then…all the Skells, gone in an instant. The ejection systems were also compromised so if Bozé, Doug and the others who escaped were any slower we would’ve lost them all as well…even still, most of the assault team didn’t make it out.”

Chausson tapped his chin.

“Where did this thing come from?”

Nagi and Vandham had no answer, the Director General could only sigh.

“So I take it we have no way of knowing how to combat this thing?”

The Chief Engineer shook his head as Nagi spoke up.

“Not just that. We also need to be aware of Badul, the self-proclaimed leader of these Remnants. Based off Ethos’ last words his ultimate plan is a dire one…something tells me that if he succeeds, Leva’el will be the least of our problems.”

Vandham groaned as he sat back down. Not exactly the thing he wanted to hear, even knowing that it was absolutely true.

Just then, the door opened, the three turned to see Elma step in.

“Which one of you did it?”

Vandham brought his hands to his face and muttered.

“Shit. What now?”

“There are armed BLADEs in the Mimeosome Maintenance Center guarding what I can only guess is the wing containing Jaynix’s room. No one in the MMC is allowed to talk about her, it’s almost as if she’s being held prisoner so I have to ask again and I expect an answer this time. Which one of you did it?”

Nagi seemed shocked by this news. Slowly, he turned to Chausson.

“Maurice. What did you do?”

The Director General adjusted his tie

“I did what was necessary.”

Nagi crossed his arms.

“Ms. Copeland is a decorated and trustworthy BLADE. She’s done nothing but further our cause and protect humanity since Awakening and she’s done so at a pace greater than anyone else in recent memory. She fell in battle and your response is to hold her prisoner?”

Chausson waited a few moments before gesturing to Elma.

“Lao.”

“…what?”

“Do you know what happened to Lao after you left him in the Ganglion Weapons Hangar?”

Elma shook her head.

“All I know is that a unit was sent to bring him back to NLA…after that-“

“After that you and your team were heavily occupied in working to Reclaim the Lifehold. That was all that mattered.”

Chausson cut in before clearing his throat and continuing.

“When we brought Lao back to NLA, to the MMC so that he may recover…it was well known that he was back. Lao betrayed us in a very public manner and many of the BLADEs and staff of the restricted hangar had no qualms in letting the general populace know. BLADE Tower was hounded by family, friends and loved ones of those killed by Lao’s treachery. Some even took extreme measures.”

Elma could see that Nagi knew about this and while Vandham still had his face covered, something told her that he knew as well.

“People worked together to break into the MMC, incapacitate staff and guards and damage Lao’s Pod. This happened several times, people tried to kill him and if I may drop my professional sense for a few moments…I could not blame them. After what he did, I was all for letting him rot in Cauldros.”

“Maurice.”

The Director General adjusted his tie again, waving Nagi off.

“It was hard to find BLADE guards to watch him. BLADE guards I could trust to not turn their weapons on him. I wanted to avoid that happening again, so I placed protective guards all over the MMC not to keep Jaynix in but to keep those controlled by their emotions, out. I also ordered she not be spoken about so no one knows where she is…the entire Fifth Division was wiped out on her watch. Whatever the reason, whatever the situation, people will be angry. People will want answers. Jaynix has been with us for a month or so and we gave her one of the highest positions for this major Mission. We will be questioned on that choice and people will cite inexperience on Jaynix’s part despite her service record under General Kumon. I did what I had to do to keep her safe.”

A silence fell over the room. Elma letting out a long sigh, bringing a hand to her forehead she nodded, feeling herself calm down before speaking.

“I’m sorry, Director General.”

“Pay it no mind. Jaynix lives with you, she’s close to you, to Kruse, to Lin. I should’ve let you know about this sooner but with everything going on, the Remnants, Leva’el and the after action reports I didn’t have much time. Not a good excuse but it’s all that I have.”

Elma shook her head.

“Put it out of your mind. I didn’t give too much thought to the trouble Lao would present upon his return to NLA. The Lifehold…”

Chausson chuckled.

“No need to apologize. I think we’ve had enough of that.”

“Director General, if you don’t mind. Jaynix has loved ones, people that want to see her…”

He bowed his head.

“Of course. Send me a list and I’ll pass it onto the BLADEs at the MMC to let those people through.”

Elma nodded as Chausson continued.

“Given the deaths of all members of the Fifth Division…we will have to question Jaynix to find out what happened. She is all that is left…but I’ll leave that to you, Elma.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Everything was going so right.

They were winning.

She was being useful.

All it took to derail everything was one Skell.

One.

She saw it, she saw that bolt escape the Skell’s hand.

She felt it tear through her again, an indescribable burning sensation.

But this time no one came to help her as it descended upon her.

Jolting awake, Jaynix sat up, her hands quickly gripped the spot along her lower torso where the Skell’s laser ripped through her. She had been patched up but she needed to know, she needed to confirm that what happened did happen. Desperately she pushed into her injury, harder and harder until she felt the pain spike up all over her. That pain brought all her senses back to full, now aware she let out a long breath and took in her surroundings.

It was an operating room in the MMC, it seemed vaguely familiar. She could somewhat recall being strapped down, looking to the very table she was on she found that the straps were undone. In doing that her eyes also trailed over her hands. Bringing them up to her face she looked them over, noticing lines across her hands, the faint traces continued up and along her arms.

Pulling on her sleeves to see more of her arms she found that the lines continued on and on. Standing quickly she ran to a mirror and pulled her shirt off, staring at her bare body, there were lines everywhere.

She kept staring as she recalled one of the last things before the wave of pain.

They opened her up, they had to fix what was broken.

Putting her shirt back on she looked to her hands again, clenching and unclenching them to make sure that everything was real.

Turning she found that someone was sleeping in a chair, leaning against the wall.

Her throat felt dry, hoarse and yet she managed to struggle out the person’s name.

“Alexa?”

Walking towards the Outfitter, Jaynix went to wake her up.

What would she say? What could she say?

She continued staring at the other woman, unsure of what to do. Deciding not to disturb her she sat back down on the operating table and started thinking.

Earth.

Her mother, her father.

The 3rd Soldier Unit.

Kumon, Tai, Eren, Sagis, Alto and Lyla. Her wife.

She lost everyone.

Closing her eyes she saw it again, the sunsets of her youth.

“How could I…forget?”

She felt them again, the hands of her younger sister, clinging to her arm.

“How could I forget you?”

She heard them again, the voices of her parents, filled with pride and joy.

Then she saw the battlefields, the Lawless Sectors, the White Whale, the Skells, her unit and of course, Lyla was there for all of them.

“Jaynix?”

Opening her eyes, she saw her.

“Alexa.”

The pair stared at one another, unmoving.

Jaynix didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t ready.

She decided to go for the least terrible option.

“See? We’re both alive. We made it.”

She gave Alexa the best smile she could manage. Alexa approached her, waiting until Jaynix stood up. The Interceptor remained still as Alexa looked her over as if to ensure that she was real.

Feeling all her worries and fears just fall away, Alexa found herself tired, exhausted. Falling into Jaynix, she embraced her. Jaynix allowed herself to move to the floor, holding onto Alexa.

Out in Primordia, Elma found the exact person she was looking for.

“Ga Buidhe.”

The Wrothian turned to her.

“Greetings, Elma. Do you have need of me?”

“What are you doing out here?”

Ga Buidhe shrugged.

“Thinking.”

Elma nodded, something told her not to pursue down that line of questions. Everyone had private thoughts, Ga Buidhe was no exception.

“I wanted to thank you.”

The Wrothian shook her head.

“You have nothing to thank me for.”

“I do. In the chaos of everything these last few days it slipped by me but…if not for you, it’s very likely that Jaynix could’ve died in Oblivia.”

Ga Buidhe thought back to when she found Jaynix in the state she was in.

“I deserve no thanks for that. It was one of her soldiers…Bills was his name I believe…”

“It was thanks to you and Bills.”

Ga Buidhe sat down on the ground, Elma joining her, the pair watching as a large Simius, Hayreddin continued stalking around its territory.

“Jaynix’s state. I knew about it. I heard her body breaking down and I said nothing…I did nothing…I let her continue down her path to destruction. What happened to her in Oblivia was my fault for not saying anything sooner. I deserve no thanks for putting her into the situation she wound up in.”

Elma shook her head.

“That’s not true.”

“It is. Jaynix…I could see it. In her eyes and in the way she moves…some of the things that she says. I’m certain that she believes herself damaged and that the things that happened to her define her. Above all I don’t think she carries a single belief in regards to her own recovery…she walks around covered in the stench of death. I’m convinced she doesn’t consider this month or so that she’s been around as living.”

Elma looked out to the horizon.

“I knew there were things about her…dark things…but I gave her space because I didn’t want to force it and when I did force it, she shut me out. If you are to blame, so am I. Regardless of reasons I should’ve tried harder to help her.”

Ga Buidhe took a deep breath, closing her eyes and focusing on nothing. She was seeking a calm state of mind to help her with…a lot of things.

“We all have a second chance now. She’s awake.”

Ga Buidhe looked to Elma.

“Truly?”

The Wrothian stood up, Elma standing after her, smiling.

“You really do care about her.”

Ga Buidhe crossed her arms but said nothing as Elma continued.

“…I have to talk to her. About everything. So I hate to say this-”

“I can wait, Elma. Something tells me the talk you must have with Jaynix is far more important.”

Elma nodded to Ga Buidhe and thanked her before walking away. With the other woman gone, Ga Buidhe sat down, closed her eyes and returned to focusing.

Alexa smiled as she watched Jaynix finish a second pizza. Seeing the Interceptor lively again, eating with so much fervor cemented it in Alexa’s mind that she was alright.

“You sure you don’t want any?”

“You ate it all.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m fine.”

Jaynix put the boxes away and turned to look at the door out of her room. They’d moved Jaynix to a more comfortable place with an actual bed as opposed to the operating room. There were some doctors scheduled to come by for continued checkups but aside from that, she seemed to be fully operational again.

She also knew that there were guards outside her door, they’d followed her after she left the operating room.

“Am I in trouble?”

“Hm?”

Alexa followed Jaynix’s gaze to the door.

“No. I don’t think so.”

Jaynix was unconvinced.

“Alexa…how hard is it being my friend? Be honest. Between this, our talk before the Mission and Sylvalum…I’ve done nothing but worry, scare you…and drive you to tears…”

Jaynix shook her head.

“I’m not a good friend for you.”

Alexa moved over and sat down next to Jaynix, leaning her head on her shoulder.

“That’s not true. Not at all. You’re a blazing fire. Bright. Warm. Being around you is the best. For all those times I’ve worried for you there are just as many times that I’ve smiled and laughed with you and that will never end…nothing will convince me to not be close to you.”

Jaynix smiled at that. Deep down she still wasn’t sure if she should be this close to Alexa but it was clear that the Outfitter didn’t mind.

“Jaynix.”

“Hm?”

“Why didn’t you tell me that was you?”

Jaynix waited as Alexa pulled away, the pair now locking eyes.

“That night in the Industrial District…”

Jaynix recalled that night and what she had told Alexa before they split up to prepare for the Mission.

“I did.”

“Yeah, right before the Mission at the last possible second. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Jaynix sighed.

“Because then you’d ask why I was crying and I’d have to lie to you…but I don’t want to lie to you so I wouldn’t but I wouldn’t want to tell you the truth either so I’d just…say nothing.”

In that moment Jaynix realized, she’d confided in Alexa that she was afflicted by PTSD and Alexa witnessed several of her physical breakdowns. She’d also told her about her team and her fear of sleep but she never told her about her single greatest fear.

The very things that Alexa loved.

“Alexa…when I get the all clear…when I get out of here…we have to talk.”

Alexa realized that was Jaynix’s way of putting a pin in this talk and she understood, this room in the MMC was the last place she wanted to have a meaningful heart to heart with Jaynix. Nodding her head she spoke quietly.

“Okay. I’ll be waiting for our talk…”

Alexa gave Jaynix a small smile, the other woman feeling one tug at her lips as well. The pair remained like that as door opened, Elma walking in.

“Jaynix. Good to see you awake.”

Jaynix looked to Elma, recalling the two times she tried to kill the woman.

“…hey…”

Elma then looked to Alexa who greeted her.

“Heyo, Elma!”

“Alexa…I…”

Alexa seemed to understand, standing up and moving towards the exit.

“It’s okay…I’ll see you soon, Jaynix.”

“See you. Alexa.”

Once Alexa was gone, Jaynix sighed, thinking of how to start this. Her eyes avoided Elma for a few moments, but she knew they had to talk. Focusing her gaze on the Xenoform she waited as Elma watched Jaynix as well. The Reclaimer was also unsure of what was the first thing she should say. How are you supposed to respond after learning that someone close to you actually hates you and hates you enough to try to kill you? Twice.”

“Elma. What happened? The battle.”

That was a good a place as any to start. Pulling a chair over, closer to Jaynix’s bed where she sat, Elma took a seat.

“The Ganglion Warship appeared, the main command, we destroyed it and killed the last officer of the Ganglion, Councilman Ethos. So in that regards, the Mission was a success but a group of Ganglion commanders broke away and escaped, now calling themselves the Remnants and led by Badul the One Eyed.”

Jaynix nodded.

“That’s good…I guess…well not the part about the Remnants…do we know anything else about them?”

Elma shook her head.

“Not enough. Once the battlefield is clear we’ll be looking into what it is that they were doing there.”

There was silence. Jaynix knew there was more to it, of course there was.

“I was incapacitated while fighting Ahama…I barely remember Bills finding me and everything after that was a blur until I was with Ga Buidhe on the outskirts of the battle…then with you after that…what happened to Bills? Hermann? Tyler? My division?”

Elma sighed. There was no getting around this.

“They’re all dead.”

Elma watched Jaynix’s eyes as countless emotions flashed through them before she finally spoke in a very quiet voice.

“…what?”

Elma thought back to the battle, to everything that happened involving the Fifth Division. She waited until Jaynix was actually looking at her again before speaking.

“Your team was getting you to safety when they were surrounded by a Skell troop led by Badul himself. Ga Buidhe and I arrived to clear them away but by the time we were done, Hermann and Tyler were dead and Badul was gone.”

Elma kept her gaze squarely on Jaynix, trying to read her face.

“Ga Buidhe was with Bills trying to get you to safety…she says Bills covered you and was injured badly. He cleared the way for Ga Buidhe to continue on with you and then…he was gone.”

Elma wasn’t sure when, but very gradually Jaynix’s eyes seemed to lose their color and it only worsened as she continued.

“Division Five was surrounded by a new Milsaadi army led by an operator known as Zornehm. With you incapacitated and the Milsaadi tearing them apart, they fell into disarray. The team leaders tried their best to hold them together but it wasn’t enough. Division Four tried to support them and send in reinforcements but they were cut off and as skilled as Ga Jiarg’s warriors are…the enemy had the numbers. By the time we broke through and forced Zornehm to retreat…no one was left.”

Jaynix sat there, staring at nothing for what felt like a very long time. Elma wanted to say something but she had to let Jaynix process everything.

“They’re all dead. It was my fault.”

“Jaynix-”

“All because of one Skell. Not the army of them flying overhead or the pieces falling all around the battlefield. One Skell landing right in front of me is all it took. I couldn’t give my Division orders, I couldn’t save their lives…I couldn’t even save myself.”

Jaynix looked to the floor below, shaking her head.

“How could I do this to them? I had every chance to pull out of this Mission…”

Jaynix recalled the list of BLADEs that would be serving in her Division, she’d committed it to memory and now she knew for certain that all those people she was trusted with, were dead.

“Jaynix…”

“Elma. Don’t tell me that this isn’t my fault…we all know it is. I have to take responsibility for my mistakes. All of them.”

The silence stretched on before them. Elma had many questions she wanted to ask but decided to let Jaynix know something that was hopefully good news.

“I went to see Irina. She’s the one that saved you from Ahama.”

“…was she hurt?”

“She was. But she’s awake now, I told her that you’re okay and she is relieved.”

Jaynix nodded to that but said nothing. At the very least Irina was alive, she didn’t throw her life away for someone who wasn’t worth it.

“Jaynix. I think you know what I’m going to ask you now.

Jaynix’s eyes found Elma.

“Is it about my…my wife? Or about why I hate you?”

“I believe that both are related.”

Jaynix remained still, thinking before she reached into her clothes looking for something. Realizing it wasn’t there she stood up.

“My photograph! Where is it!? Where did they put my stuff!?”

“Calm down, Jaynix. I’ll ask the doctors. Just…wait.”

Jaynix sat back down and took a few deep breaths as Elma left the room. Closing her eyes, Jaynix thought everything over again. She didn’t just let Bills, Hermann and Tyler down, she let everyone down. Taking the armed guard outside her room into account along with the details of what happened, it was clear that she was in trouble. The entire division save for her was dead, people were going to want to know how and why.

The door opened, Elma reentering the room with Jaynix’s personal items. Placing them down, Jaynix looked through them, finding the photograph of the 3rd Soldier Unit. She looked them over almost as if she was seeing them again for the first time.

“When we boarded the White Whale…General Kumon revealed to us that he was given an order. That we were given our order. The few for the many. Our lives were forfeit for the sanctity of the White Whale and all those aboard…it’s why we became known as the Martyrs. We were to sacrifice ourselves for the Whale. For humanity. It was a bullshit order…Kumon, the entire team, we were warriors of unparalleled caliber. Why in the world would we be given orders to go out and die? We could have served humanity far better by living just as we did back on Earth.”

Jaynix put the photograph away, her eyes finding Elma.

“The two years I was on the White Whale I had to know who it is that gave us that order and why. All Kumon told me is that it was from higher up. That could mean anything given the formation and hierarchy of the ECP and the Coalition. We had our own Oversight board that managed our missions out in the Lawless Sectors…but once the Exodus was initiated, once we set foot on the Whale, all jurisdiction and command those forces had over us were gone. The only thing we answered aboard the ship was to each other…the only one who could command us anything would be Nagi but he never did.”

“At least that’s what I believed. But I know from whispers back on Earth that there was someone that the ECP and the Coalition, that all the boards and councils would bend their ears to. There was someone that could ask anything of them and they’d do it.”

Jaynix pointed at Elma.

“You.”

The other woman remained silent as Jaynix continued.

“Part of me refused to accept it, I never met you back on Earth, I only knew of you. Why would the Coalition, why would the ECP take your opinions and your requests above all others? Who were you? Then a few days after waking you revealed to me that you’re a Xeno, you’re the reason we escaped Earth and suddenly, it seemed that all my theories made sense. I don’t know when. I don’t know why. So I have to ask. Why did you give Kumon that order, Elma? Why did my family have to die?”

Jaynix watched Elma, the woman was still taking in what Jaynix had said. Sighing she spoke.

“I didn’t.”

“Elma-”

“I know that isn’t what you want to hear Jaynix, but I did not do it.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“What would I gain from sending you and your family to their deaths?”

“You tell me!”

“I tried to stop it!”

Elma stared at Jaynix, her fists clenched as she repeated.

“I tried to stop it.”

Releasing her anger, Elma brought her hands to her face and took a deep breath.

“The ECP. The Coalition. They did listen to me. I brought them the technology to save themselves, to save as many people on Earth as possible…but there were those among them that didn’t want to entrust all of humanity to a Xenoform. So they broke away and formed some of their own personal projects, some went on to construct other smaller Ark ships and still others resorted to underground shelters because they refused to accept my words as true.”

“Some members of the various Oversight boards committed their soldiers to missions I saw no point to. I brought this up to the boards at large and sometimes they were punished, other times they cited that the world could very well be ending so what did it matter? One such man was the one who gave General Kumon his final order. On Earth while he still had jurisdiction over him.”

Jaynix shook her head.

“No. No, we got the order on the White Whale. Kumon told us that.”

“He got the order on Earth, Jaynix. I was there, I overheard it. I confronted Kumon about it time and time again but…he’s a soldier. He was prepared to do what must be done and he’d never question a direct command…you know this to be true, Jaynix.”

The Interceptor wanted to argue, but Elma was right.

“Once we left Earth, I begged Kumon to reconsider. Like you said, he and his team could do more for humanity by living…but he refused to budge. He did however promise to offer the rest of the team a way out…”

Jaynix remembered that moment, she was the one who stepped forward and said that they’d all die together. It was a brave thing to say only to realize how terrifying death truly was once she was out in space fighting for her life.

“Everything I believed and the doubts I had about you…I was wrong?”

“You were angry. Sad. Heartbroken. You needed to find some way to direct all of that…and that way was me.”

“Elma. I…”

Jaynix sighed, looking down to the floor again.

“After I met you. After I started living with you. My mind tried to convince me that there was no way you gave Kumon that order. You were too kind, too selfless to be that type of person…but if it wasn’t you then…there was no reason. No answer. And they all died for nothing…”

“That’s not true. Jaynix, answer me this, how are you still here? How did you survive?”

Jaynix thought back to the moment she made her escape.

“My wife. Lyla. I was…frozen. Realizing that they were all dying around me…it horrified me, seeing the remains of their Skells drifting through space…the enemy attacked me in my stupor and Lyla. She covered me. With her last breaths she begged me to live on for her…for the 3rd Soldier Unit and for my blood family…I’d never refused a request from her before. Never. Next thing I knew I was returning to the White Whale but my eyes never left her…I watched them kill her. That’s the last thing I remember in full before seeing you in Noctilum over six months later.”

Jaynix felt tears on her face, cursing, she wiped them away. As hard as she tried, speaking of her wife was still as difficult as it’s ever been.

“That’s why you never mentioned her before, isn’t it?”

Jaynix nodded to Elma.

“I couldn’t bring myself to speak her name since waking…even now. I don’t feel I have the right.”

Jaynix reached for her personal items and pulled out one more thing she always carries with her, a small precious item she’s never shown anyone. Her ring. Jaynix looked it over, remembering when it was placed onto her finger.

“Lyla…she gave everything so you could live…and yet, since then you’ve done anything but…haven’t you?”

Jaynix looked from the ring to Elma.

“I’ve said as much to Irina and despite everything she’s kept it to herself…I don’t deserve someone like that as a friend, especially not after what I’ve done. I don’t deserve Irina, Gwin or Frye. I don’t deserve you or Lin. I don’t deserve Kruse, especially not as a Brother…and I don’t deserve Alexa.”

Jaynix watched Elma shake her head and smile.

“You deserve us all Jaynix and if you truly believe you don’t then I’m afraid it’s too late. You have us, now and forever.”

“…Elma…I’m sorry for spending so much time trying to hate you.”

“Do not apologize for anything Jaynix. You have so many things storming inside you. Your personal losses of your families, both your blood family and your military family. You lost your wife. Skells horrify you. I can only imagine what else plagues your mind.”

Jaynix sighed, placing the ring in her pocket.

“I can’t believe that even after I tried to kill you, twice, you’ve forgiven me. Elma…”

She wasn’t sure what else to say so she remained silent as Elma stood up. Jaynix looked up to the other woman.

“…what now?”

“Now? I have to tell Chausson, Nagi and Vandham what happened. I have to let them know about your PTSD, about what the Skell did to you…they’ll understand…”

Jaynix felt her heart sink, uncertain.

“I wish you wouldn’t…but I know you have to…would you mind leaving everything else out? The order, my team, my wife…all of that.”

Elma watched Jaynix, seeing desperation in her eyes.

“I am under no obligation to share with them your other personal traumas so don’t worry Jaynix. I will not tell them about any of that…”

Elma took one of Jaynix’s hands in her own.

“I promise.”

A small smile came to Jaynix’s face as she nodded to Elma. Jaynix sat still as Elma turned to leave before one question came to mind.

“Elma.”

“Yes?”

“You said you were there when Kumon was given the order. Do you know who it was? Do you know what happened to him?”

The pair stared at one another, Elma choosing her words carefully.

“It won’t change anything, Jaynix.”

Their eyes remained locked on one another for a few more moments before Elma turned and left the room.

Jaynix kept her eyes on the door.

She was certain that Elma knew. Everything.

[megatraven]

who’s your favourite LI from each series you’ve read? :o and why?

*claps hands together* ALRIGHT!!!! (warning: as i typed i grew more and more long-winded and i dont apologize for it but u should kno)

alright obviously i have to start off with Astoria, of which Alex is my favorite LI! I'm not gonna go into why because *gestures to entire blog* and i've made multiple posts about it

from Immortal Heart Society, it's definitely Emilio thus far. admittedly i havent tried reading the other two, but I like emilio a lot! he's really grumpy and weary it seems, but i find the grumpiness charming and the weariness feels like it's there to be driven away by mmc's fresh approach and excitability. he's fun so far!

from My Siren Crush, I gotta say it's Maxime so far!! he and Arianna only have 6 episodes each so it's hard to say, but i LOVE his personality and how sweet he is. I really like that he's shy and that he does a lot of different kinds of art, and how gentlemanly he is!

from Ever After Academy, it's definitely Arin!! Sure they've only got one season so far, but they were my favorite character almost right off the bat, before we even knew they'd be getting a route! I love how much they care about the people around them and ho they do their best to do the right thing, how they take on so many responsibilities and are willing to do so again and again, if that's what it takes to get a happy ending for everyone. they're so funny, too, and i just really am a slut for the dynamic they have with fmc, the HISTORY....... incredible

from Tales of the Wild, it's Bram!!!!!!!! my sweet bear boy, he's so kind and gentle and strong and Stubborn af..... i really really love bears so i knew i was a goner the instant we were able to vote for him to be a new LI. his route is really interesting so far, too, what with MC being a dinae whose animal form was stolen! he cares so much about her and just wants to keep her safe, to the point he makes a Very Important Oath to her... like......... he cares her....... its so sweet..

from Reigning Passions it's gotta be Xenia!!! :D i admit i have a Slight obsession with spider-people, and the moment I saw her i knew that I was gonna love her to death. when she got a route i was so overjoyed! she's just. so genuine in everything that she does, she does her best to truly do what's right and what's good for the kingdom, and for mc. she's incredibly smart and resourceful, her magic is SO COOL, and she's just really really gorgeous. i like her dry sense of humor and her blushing sprite...... i love that she slowly gives her trust to mc, and confides to her about personal matters such as her late husband, and how she clearly still loves him even whilst loving mc. she feels like such a unique character, i really just adore her <3

from Sin With Me, i've gotta say my favorite atm is Onyx! I love all the routes, but DAMN onyx's really went all out with making her a fucking DRAGON?!??!?!?!? queen shit. she was also a really unique route in that she dealt with a lot of trauma from past abuse and had to learn to open up about it and accept that what happened t her wasn't right, and that she wasn't a failure for it. it had such a strong found family feeling, even compared to the other routes. everyone just wanted her to be happy. they accepted mc into their ranks quickly because she made onyx happy, and that's all the troupe wanted. and she is so pretty and funny..... she's so CUTE...... and i think it's one f the few cases where the LI is shorter than the MC?? idk she's just. so badass, and i loved her route to pieces!!!

from Sweet Enchantments my favorite is Lucien! (with a shoutout to emeril for close second)! the character growth he undergoes in his route is just ASTOUNDING, it's written and paced so well, i can't help but love it and him!!! also one of my favorite colors is turquise and thats His Color(tm) so im a hoe for that. i just. really my big thing with him is that he grows and flourishes into such an incredible character, so sweet and humble. he's also a very very funny LI (imo), and i love seeing him interact with all the other sweets characters! his cgs are the most gorgeous things...... there's a scene where he takes mc into the human world, to a cafe so she can call her parents, and it's so sweet. there's another where he takes her out and plays soccer with her. he just cares so much about her and her wellbeing, and even when he gets afraid that she'll leave him (when she's feeling homesick especially), he talks it out with her and learns to move past those feelings. he promises himself to her before he's even out of Sweets, and i just.......... it's so romantic and precious ;O; <3

from Havenfall it's always gonna be Mackenzie!!!!!! she was my VERY FIRST lovestruck route so she is always going to have a very special place in my heart. plus i mean. LOOK AT HER. her cute face and her CUTE WOLF EARS <333 she's so cool and nerdy!!! she's so STRONG!!! her protective streak is so charming and endearing..... the way that she forgives annabelle and damien and accepts them into her little supernatural family is really precious <3 she's so strong and that strength comes not only from her, but from her bonds with everyone else, and it's...... magical. it really stole my heart and sold me on lovestruck!!

from Love & Legends my favorite (so far) is Alain! I've only read three full routes so far, but Alain is incredible despite the shortness of his route. afaik it's the only route where the mc actually has magic (which i like), and they're ACTUALLY childhood friends to lovers in that mc is a reincarnation across time and space of his childhood friend. he's so cool and sweet, he would do absolutely anything for her because he loves her so so much. which is definitely one of his faults and what led him to being one of the Witch Queen's generals, but when mc came around......... you could tell he was so broken hearted by everything, but that he couldn't bear to not love her, even when it made him bad. and you can see that love again, when mc is selfish, and he leaves her out of anger in chicago. he keeps an eye on her despite his anger and his hurt, because his love is that strong. at some point, this one god speaks and says that alain's route is the only one of his lifetimes that doesn't end in tragedy, where he gets to be happy. i lvoe that trope so much even though it hurts so much. in the other two routes i've finished, he can't leave the witch queen's side, because she's that friend he knew, who he's loved for so long. in his own route, he's only able to leave the witch queen because he finds mc- a glance into what the witch queen could have been. who she should have been. someone kind and strong, who would love him, too. i dunno. his route is just really amazing and so is he :)

in Starship Promise......... it's a hard choice, but i have to say Nav ;O;; whenever i think of nav i think of that one fucking scene........ the one that broke my heart and made me cry for like Days. Stop him. Stop him. Stop him. gods, that was an incredible scene, i don't think i'll ever get over how powerful it was. not to mention... SALAD BOY!!!!! nav is Also a very funny character. he's a secret sadboy who tries to hide it with his charm and good looks, which, A for effort bud. he ends up being unable to leave mc behind, because- even though it scares him- he's fallen for her. his story is really incredible, he's an amazing character and it was wonderful to see him get the justice he deserved.

for Villainous Nights, i'll have to say my favorite LI is Lorelei! :D i'd say renzei and juliette are super close seconds tho. but Lorelei!!!!!!!!! I think she was one of the first routes I read following mackenzie, and she was definitely the first I read from villainous nights! i loved how strong and silent she was, and how much she loves coffee, and how she can make the earth quake. i always loved how hard she tries, how much effort she puts into being in control of herself, how much she does to try making things right. she did bad things in the past, blinded by optimus' promise to do good. and when she realized it, she couldn't stay with them. she turned her back on them and did her damned best to make up for all the hurt she caused. she loves the earth and its people and its nature, and she wants to keep it all safe. she had a broken heart, but with mc by her side, she's finally able to heal and find closure that she couldn't get before, on her own. not to say every LI isn't unique, but lorelei's is another route that just really stood out from the others. her panic attacks, the way she goes mute when she's overwhelmed, how the earth trembles when she gets angry or afraid and how she tries to push her emotions down to stop it........ i havent any of that- especially her muteness- in any other LI in the app. (not that ive read every story yet). lorelei is really incredible and i love her lots my butch wife ;O;

for Queen of Thieves, it's DEFINITELY Nikolai! first and foremost he's demi!!!!!!!! which i was so excited to find out about!!!!!!!!!! that made me instantly love him, and i think that ended up being the reason why i finally started reading QOT at all. i'll take all the a-spec rep i can get, thanks. aside from that, his route is just..... incredibly well-written. everything about it feels like it has this quiet intensity, which matches him perfectly. his self-sacrificing bullshit..... his truly tragic backstory........ how he came to make the poppy........ ho much he loves his little family, how much he loves mc, how much he loves ELIZABETH......... there's nothing abut nikolai that i dont love. he's so smart, but so fucking stupid sometimes, it's the best. he's the best. that first night, in his last season i believe, when he didn't have a nightmare for the very first time ever........... i don't know if i have ever been so happy for a fictional character before. i was so overjoyed for him. he's an incredible character and so, so interesting and multi-faceted, i can't imagine anyone else taking place for my #1 qot character :^)

and last but not least.... Gangsters in Love! My favorite here...... changes a lot, i'm not even gonna lie. it's ALWAYS constantly changing between chance, rory, and ash. like. i just can't pick one. so i wont go into as much detail here as the other paragraphs, but chance is just so FUNNY and dumb like yeah he's a badass ganglord wh orides a motorcycle but also he wears a shirt with a stupid little frog on it i LOVE him. i love how much he loves his gang, how much he loves mc. and ash... who WOULDNT love ash? he's such a sweetie and his smiling sprite makes my heart stumble and he's a dog person???? dream man. he's so silly and cute, he does his best to protect the gang and find justice for his sister, it's so admirable ;o;; and RORY!!!! rory is so badass and cool, she's wicked smart and kinda reckless but in the most charming way. i always really appreciated that her route touched on her alcoholism and showed her growing past it. i loved her character growth in general, and i ESPECIALLY loved how she acted towards stella and how she grew to love her.

that's..... that's it, i think!!!! :0c thanks so much for asking!!!!