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splashgal · 11 days ago

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Bridgerton Recap- 1x3: 'The Art Of The Swoon'

We open on a very romantic sequence involving wisteria and lanterns and Simon sliding one of Daphne’s opera gloves off as they dance. He leans in to kiss her and she wakes up. Wah wah. She seems very disturbed, as if we haven’t all had that dream about Rege-Jean Page. I wonder if episode three always opens with a Bridger-Sibling dream sequence? Let me know in the comments.

After the title card ( I already miss the theme music), we get shots of men shooting and women shopping as Dame Julie tells us that those that marry in haste must repent in leisure. She gives a shoutout to Daphne, who is fielding proposals out in the streets. What? Who are these guys? Dame Julie continues on that she believes Daphne is still waiting for the Duke to pop the question, hopefully not out on the sidewalk like he’s a pan-handler. Whatever Dame Julie says next is lost on me and Daphne as Simon makes 'Bridgerton' history by establishing the oral fixation this family has by licking the back of his spoon.

Miss Bridgerton gets it together faster than I do, because I have to rewind this section three times to write about it and she is able to snap back to attention after just a few seconds as someone brings her a dish of ice cream.

She reminds Simon (but mostly us) that their ruse is working, but must continue until she finds herself a husband. He agrees and is very charming and calls himself handsome. She looks like she wants to lick the back of him.

Penelope is staring out the window over at Feather-House with a pink dress and some very cute, bouncy curls. Pru and Pippa are expositing that a prince is on his way as the climb the stairs that Pen is racing down. Together, the three really look like a Lisa Frank TrapperKeeper with the LaffyTaffy- hued dresses. Pen races to the footman who is holding all the new mail on a silver tray. She shuffles through it before sighing and flouncing off cutely with a little sigh.

Marina is in her room (of course) as Pen enters. They establish she didn’t get a single Publisher’s Clearing House letter or credit card offer and Marina flops onto the bed dramatically. Penelope gives her a ‘buck up, lil’ camper’ speech about Sir George writing back and taking a long time to get correspondence to and from him and they’re such a great couple, so much better than she and that stinky Bridgerton boy who was trying to make time with her. What’s his name- Colton?

Portia and her evil henchman Varley burst in and accuse Penelope of ‘cavorting with the expectant’. Ha! Pen tries to defend herself, but her dear mama practically throws her out of the room before turning on Marina and telling her she needs to find a husband asap. Marina doesn’t want to do that. Shockingly, Portia doesn’t care and further threatens Marina that she’s going to start wearing the family colors. Awesome, so she’ll look like a HyperColor shirt in no time!

Across the street as the less- toxic Bridger-Home, Violet is already asking Daphne to fill up her dance card for the ball that night as the debutante paces the room. Benedict is sprawled out on a sofa, Anthony is sat at a table reading the newspaper, Colin is eating (yay!), and the littles play on the floor. The family group scenes are consistently my faves on this show. Daphne makes Ben move so she can sit next to him as El flops onto an open chair and Greg steals food from Anthony’s plate. Violet asks about Simon and Daphne reminds her that he isn’t one of the guys who has proposed to her. Bridger-Mom notes that Daphne simply needs to marry the person who feels like her dearest friend (drink!). Daphne gets all sarcastic with her mom as Benedict smirks from what has to be an extremely uncomfortable position on the sofa next to her.

We cut to the ball, where the string ensemble is rocking out some Billie Eilish. I listen to this cover way too often, you guys. There’s Skip-To-My-Lou dancing and peacocks, so you know that party is fancy. Oh, there’s also parrots. Daphne has a hair feather and- STOP THE PRESSES! You guys!!! Simon is wearing a cravat! This must be the most formal event we have seen, save for the square dance that is going on. Lord Weaver comes over to add his name to Daphne’s dance card and Simon raises his voice theatrically to bemoan the fact that she doesn’t give him every ounce of her attention. She flirts that he must want a promotion before wandering away.

Oh wait, she’s already dancing with this guy now. They are waltzing (off the beat, which drives me a bit nuts) as she tries to make conversation and Simon prowls the perimeter of the room. She spins away from Weaver and I guess we are in one of those ‘terrible speed dating’ montages from romcoms now. One guy loves to talk about all the land he owns, one is a mama’s boy. She makes crazy eyes at Simon as Ladies Bridgerton and Danbury stand near a birdcage and gossip about how in luuurrrve those two are. What is the theme of this ball? Daphne jokes that she would rather hook up with Genevieve DeLaCroix than any of those dudes. Same, girl.

The Queen enters in a Scary Spice wig and with a cute blonde dude on her arm. Thankfully, the Feather-Sisters are here to let us know that this is the Prince. Pen is in the background near another birdcage, and while I don’t think we saw her doing that in episode two, I will try to be better about noting it, since it is an excellent choice that Nicola has made in the past. Saphne flirt adorably and watch as Cressida, in an inexplicable hairstyle, bows to the Prince and gets a kiss on the hand. Simon mentions that he can tell the prince just told Cressida that her gown is exquisite and Daphne questions him as he moves away from her. A moment later, the Queen is introducing the prince to Daphne herself, ‘the diamond’. He tells Daphne her gown is exquisite and Daphne snort-laughs at him. Hee. The Queen leads the prince away as Daphne and Simon get right back to flirting. A dude who I think is Lord Cho comes over and asks her to dance before leading her away with a side eye toward Simon.

Across town, Genevieve is closing up her shop for the night when she hears a noise in the back. She picks up a pair of scissors (good girl!) and calls out before seeing it’s just Anthony’s opera-singin’ lovah, Sienna. Gen immediately drops her French accent (hee!) and scolds Sienna for scaring her. They start drinking and talking shit about Anthony and how Sienna will have a new sugar daddy soon enough. They then talk shit about Cressida, and I could get down with the idea of these two just getting drunk and ragging on every main character once an episode I think. Gen offers to make Sienna a dress out of the same fabric as Cruella’s Cressida’s, but Sienna instantly goes the ‘I’m a whore, so I can only wear black or red’ route. She’s not. That. Innocent. She will find a rich man who will let her spend his money on black dresses and never cares about his family like that stinky Bridgerton boy who was making time with her. What’s his name- Andrew?

We cut to approximately seventy-three men crowded around a card table playing a dice game. Dang, the desperation to not be around women for a couple hours is intense I guess. Anthony, Simon, and Feather-Baron are all there. Archie thinks Anthony is cheating and Anthony calls Archie out on his gambling addiction (foreshadow!) as the Feather-Baron glowers at them. Simon is happy that Anthony isn’t being an insufferable ass at the moment. They argue back and forth a bit about Simon’s intentions towards Daphne, which he says are respectful. A secret bookcase door opens (I’ve always wanted one of those!) and in parade a bunch of courtesans, including Sienna, who’s dressed in red. Wait, is this at the party? I assumed because Simon is still wearing a cravat, but maybe it isn’t. I don’t know, but Anthony makes like Snagglepuss and exits stage right just as Sienna saunters over to the Duke. They openly flirt while Ant watches on. She basically tells Simon that if he watches her sing tomorrow night, she will fuck him. Oops, she did it again!

Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I think Anthony will be very calm and level-headed about this.

Daphne is tossing and turning and thinking about spoon-licking. Or maybe that’s just me? She makes her way downstairs and is spotted by Anthony. She invites him to join her in the kitchen for some warm milk. It’s unfair to say this, because Jonathan Bailey has chemistry with everyone, but these two are so good together.

Cut to them both staring at the stove, not having any friggin’ idea of how to operate it at all, as Daphne stands there with two little jugs of milk. Hee. They argue back and forth over which one of them should know how to do this, when they are obviously both proper ladies who don’t know nothin’ bout starting no burners. They will instead drink it cold. Way to problem solve, Daph!

She asks Ant to hum a few bars with regard to Simon, so that she may pick out the tune of ‘Hot Duke With Daddy Issues In B Flat’ the next time she hears it. Anthony first tries to tell her her sweet little virginal ears can’t hear why he won’t marry, but he relents pretty quickly and tells her about the Douchke and Sarah, his dead mom who died. Daphne proclaims it’s very sad (word), but Anthony insists Simon prefers to have no on in his life and to not worry her pretty little crimpy-looking head about it. Someone people are not meant to be together, as much as they may wish otherwise. He almost made it through a whole conversation without making it about him. Oh Ant, it may seem like a crush. But it doesn’t mean she’s serious.

Dame Julie voiceovers that appreciation of the arts is what lifts humans above animals. Well, that and an appreciation for Kendrick Lamar. Julie tells us there’s a new wing opening at a museum and then tells us that Marina will be there, recovered from her mysterious illness. On rewatch, it becomes so obvious that this is Penelope. Who was talking about her being sick? Even Colin barely noticed that, and he is trying to said his vessel in.

Oh, ew. Sorry ‘bout that.

Gen is measuring Marina at Feather-House and mentions her measurements may have been off as she tries to truss her up like a Thanksgiving bird. Portia mentions that Marina loves cake ( I bet she does), and it occurs to me I should maybe have a Cake As Sex metaphor counter. I think I will start one! Feather-Mom says Marina is going on a diet.

We swoop over to the art gallery thing. Her comes the Feather-Clan. Pen’s in yellow (she says hello, come sit next to me ya fine fellow) and looks adorable. Portia pushes Pip and Pru in front of the visiting Prussian Prince and they promptly prostrate themselves as he barely passes glances at them. Here comes the Ladies Cowper in their intricate braids and even more intricate social etiquette as Cressida steps on a purple-dyed pump and practically throws an elbow in order to get to the Permed Prussian Prince. Dame Julie tells us a language tutor has been hanging out at Cowper house, implying that it is so Cressida can learn German. Viel durst!

We are inside with the Bridger-Fam now! There’s little Greg! I love him so much, you guys. Violet is arm in arm with Anthony, and immediately starts calling out qualifications for passing ladies like she’s on QVC and needs to sell something in the next ten minutes. Anthony brushes her off as his brothers giggle behind their backs. As soon as he walks off, Vi tries to grab Benedict and then Colin in succession, because those grandbabies aren’t going to birth themselves, boys!

That was a cute scene, and it leads into a cute scene transition as Anthony walks past Pen and El staring up at a large painting of naked ladies. Pen calls it familiar, and El points out that is because all paintings are about naked ladies because men blah blah blah. Penelope turns and sees Marina being dragged by and mouthing for help. Pen excuses herself to attempt to go help her as Portia presents Miss Thompson to an old Lord who is chatting with the Feather-Baron. This guy looks like a cross between Jim Broadbent and Jeffrey Jones. How unfortunate. Marina snaps at him pretty quickly and Penelope quickly insinuates herself into the mix. Portia tries to distract Pen, but Marina holds onto her and continues snapping at Lord Broadbent who is currently trying to purchase her. Said Lord huffs and puffs and wanders off to find another young girl whose mouth has already been sewn shut but whose vagina is still open for business. Portia calls Penelope a meddlesome little wench (ooh, avast ye matey!) and tells Marina she doesn’t understand that she will be pushing a baby out of her in a pretty short time period. She stomps off.

Benedict is giving a rather withering look to a painting before turning to Lady Danbury. Yay! Aga-dict lives on! And I might need to work on that ship name. Ben and his blue velvet coat announced that the work is cold and lacking spirit. There’s another man just on the other side of Lady Danbury, so you know where this scene is going. Benedict continues that the painting should have been skyed, which Google tells me is a regency-era tradition of hanging art work floor to ceiling, the top ones being the hardest to see. Thanks, Google! Lady Danbury turns directly to the other man and asks him why his crappy painting isn’t higher on the wall and therefore easier to ignore. Benedict sputters and Agatha giggles and Mr. Granville runs off to find his wife. Sure, buddy. Ben calls Lady Danbury diabolical. Just kiss already! She says that was hilarious and saunters off.

Elsewhere, Prince Frederick is extricating himself from conversation with Cressida and her mom to follow Daphne. He tells her the art is not the only beautiful thing on display. Dude, take it down a notch. He tries talking to her about travel and music, but she spots Simon out of the corner of her eye and gets completely distracted. She blows off the Prince to follow Simon. She checks her hair at the last moment, which is great. Daphne saunters in and opens with a crack about Lady Whistledown as she stands next to him but facing the other wall. This scene is so well shot and choreographed.

They talk more about how they have everyone fooled into thinking they are a thang. He openly flirts with her as she turns to face the same painting he has been looking at. She surprised to see this was donated by him. Simon tells her the other things he loaned out were the Douchke’s, but this one was Lady Sarah’s. Daphne talks about how it feels like the best part of waking up (not Folgers in your cup, apparently), and then we get the famous shot of their hands inching toward each other. Wait, she was wearing gloves when she came into this room. The gloves are gone now! They touch hands, and the way Daphne reacts you would think he fingers went under her dress. They hear a noise in another room and pull apart and go to investigate.

Cressida has swooned and is now on the floor, with the Prince holding her. Pru and Pip are there expositing about how romantic it is a Anthony, Pen and El all look on, clearly thinking otherwise. Simon leans in to Daphne and says they need to up their game, which makes her laugh.

Outside, Simon is in a full-on stride to his carriage, where the footman reminds him about the opera. Simon looks back towards Daphne and decides to go home and make an appointment with his hand instead. Later that evening, a man comes into Sienna’s dressing room and informs her he’s locking the doors. She questions whether there is anyone loitering around and that’s a no. She sits at her vanity in her red dressing gown. Oh, he made her believe they’re more than just friends.

Dame Julie voice overs that debutantes need to all be muti-talented; witty, musical, chatty, and an expert in ‘the art of the swoon’. Roll credits! We see Cressida walking arm in arm with the Prince as her mom herself swoons over Lady Whistledown’s paper. We cut over to the palace, where Charlotte and Frederick are eating breakfast outside as Julie continues that Daphne doesn’t seem to give a crap about the Prince. Charlotte is pissed, and tells Frederick that it needs to be Daphne, because she’s the diamond. ‘Charm her!’ she orders.

Daphne is playing the piano as Benedict draws (yay!) and tears a sheet out of his sketch pad and crumples it up. El begs her sister to stop playing the same four notes over and over again. Daphne needles her, saying she will need to be better soon since she will need to find a husband before too long and El snaps that she should keep playing and scare away all the boys. Daphne correctly tells El she can go read outside, but El ate her bran flakes this morning, because her ass is twitching. Is reading bad? Because it will not get her a husband? Why is it bad that she wants to nurture her mind, huh?! Can someone get Eloise a gummy please? She’s stressing me out. Daphne finally snaps back at El for being self-involved and having no empathy. Word. El rolls her eyes, but attempts to make conversation about the tune Daphne has been picking out (the one from her dream sequence by the way), but even then she gives an order that she needs to name it if she’s going to play it. I want Daphne to smack her.

Over on the set of ‘Les Miserables’, Portia is getting out of a carriage in head-to-toe teal crushed velvet. Yeah, that won’t draw attention at all. She looks particularly like Belle Watling here. Pat yourself on the back if you got that reference. Marina climbs out after her, and we all know where this scene is going too, don’t we? Lady Featherington says this will be Marina’s future.df A woman throws a bucket of water, there are trash cans fires, kids are sprawled out on the uneven cobblestone. Come on captain, you can wear your shoes. Marina spits that she ain’t scared of these day players and their Cockney accents. She mentions George, and says she has written to him. Portia points out that men are idiots and don’t understand how babies are made, and Marina stomps back to the carriage.

Back over in the technicolor side of London, Cressida sits under a tent at the park, sipping tea with the Prince. Ladies Danbury and Bridgerton are walking along the serpentine, and Violet calls Lady Cowper horrid. Word. Then we notice that Simon and Daphne are ambling behind them. I’m going to give him credit for wearing a cravat here I think. It’s borderline, at least. Daphne is laughing about Anthony letting a farm animal into their dormitory at school. Did I not call this in the first episode? It always comes down to pig-fucking. Daphne mentions that Violet told her one should marry their dearest friend (drink!) Simon makes a pitch for Santhony, which I’m not opposed to. She asks if marriage is about friendship, as if he knows. The Duke says it is a good start and they wade into a war metaphor that goes on for a while and then they spot a herd of Top Hatters. He makes a show of giving her a rose, but she’s still wanting to know about marriage. Sweetie, he hasn’t been married. Why are you asking him? Although we know why. Let us roll right into The Masturbation Scene, shall we?

Simon says marriage has elements that are physical and intangible, but Daphne knows her vocabulary and says that can’t be. He laughs and she whacks him with her flower and calls him beastly. He rightly says girls should be allowed to know what married couples get up to. Daphne says moms don’t tell them anything and Simon says he can’t, which she challenges. She uses the out of ‘they aren’t really courting, so this isn’t scandalous’ to get him to spill the beans. He continues to say he can’t tell her and then she finally gets in his face and calls him Simon and he relents. He says that what happens between a husband and a wife is a continuation of what happens at night, when she is alone. When she’s sleeping? No, when she touches herself. Daphne stares at him blankly, and he leans in closer and tells her that when she is alone, she can touch herself. When she finds something she likes, she should keep doing it until she reaches ‘a pinnacle’. She looks stricken. He turns. ‘Come’, he instructs and wanders off. Yes, sir.

Now he’s in a carriage with Lady Danbury, who promptly hits him with her cane. She wants to know the 411 on him and Daphne. He demurs and Danbury points out that the Prince is now into Daphne too and if he fucks that up for her, Agatha will be pissed. He argues that Daphne is not an idiot, and Lady Danbury says he’s being cruel and she taught him better than that. He sits with that.

We cut to El, smoking on the swings again. Here comes Ben. He sits next to her and she hands her cigarette over. She says she found his art in the fireplace and he accuses her of spying. She calls him too boring to spy on. He says his drawings suck and she immediately makes it about her. He is a man and he can hire someone to teach him how to draw. She points out that Lady Whistledown is a great writer, but needs to hide herself. Ben correctly points out it’s for self-preservation, since Whistledown says things about the Queen.

El says women have nothing and men have everything, so Ben should be bold so she can live vicariously through him. He asks if she’s Lady Whistledown, and she says no, but she wouldn’t admit it even if she was. I wanted to like that scene more than I did. El is correct, but she just needs to take it down a notch, please. I don’t like the real world feeling of dread slipping into my escapist sex drama, thank you very much.

Daphne is majorly fidgety as she locks her bedroom door and climbs onto the bed. She looks at her flower and thinks about Simon and her hand wanders. She seems to finish pretty fast, all things considered. Then, she’s at the piano and is playing her same Simon piece from before. Violet waits until she stops and then says ‘You finished, how lovely’. A-hyuck a-hyuck.

Then we are outside the ice cream shop, where Simon is waiting for her. She joins him and starts excitedely making plans for their day when he cuts her off. He is done. Man, Lady Danbury really got to him. He is a rake and she has a Prince on the line now. She appeals to their friendship and he looks at her. ‘We were never friends. I do not believe there could be a more ridiculous notion than that of us ever being friends’. Ouch. He calls her a pretty convenience, but they both need to move on. Oh, he White Fanged her! She is sad.

Simon stomps into his house and tells the assembled staff that they need to leave quickly as Daphne runs up the Bridger-Home staircase in tears with Rose trailing behind her.

Then we are over with Sienna lip-synching her little whoreish heart out. Everyone is literally chatting over the top of her. That seems a bit rude. She sings loud enough to get everyone to finally shut up and watch her. Her dress is pretty. I wonder if it’s the one Gen made her. After the performance, the same guy from earlier comes into her dressing room to tell her she has a visitor and in trots Anthony. I forgot he was in this show! She is instantly icy toward him, and you can tell she means it, because she’s back in red again. He says he wanted to see her and she correctly says he sees her to escape his own life. She has plans to go dance in a space station. Anthony says she’s trying to use Simon to make his jealous. Does she know about Santhony? Hmm. She says the Duke is way awesomer than Anthony, but he hasn’t been by to see her. Anthony misses her. He gets all up in her personal space and kisses her before she pushes him away and says she’s not falling for that one again. She stomps upstairs, leaving him behind.

We are over at Feather-House, where Pen is once again watching for the mail. Wonder why she’s so invested in Marina and George. Funny, that. She seems pretty despondent, but then perks up at one of the envelopes on the silver tray and bounds up the stairs as well as a four-eleven human can. She bursts into Marina’s room and holds the letter up. Marina reads it to herself as Pen stands in front of her, begging her to share what it says. A moment later, Marina crumples the letter up and falls to the bed. Pen guesses he’s been wounded, but Marina says he wrote that George wants nothing to do with her. She’s very snotty in this scene. She wails as Pen picks up the letter. We cut over to Portia and Varley, who seem quite pleased. We get a sepia-toned flashback of Mrs. Varley forging the letter. This woman is so talented, you guys. She can do everything. Back in the present, Portia says Marina was going to have to learn that men are scum and he will never come collect her. She then tells Varley to re-draw her eyebrows, or she will look surprised all day long. Hee!

We are at the modiste with Daphne and Violet. Lady Cowper and Cressida are in the front room, watchin’ the swatches. Lady Cowper comes in and wants to talk about how it is so great about Daphne and the Duke, because that means Cressida can have the Prince, saying Cressida may have a fortune, but Daphne has the face. Did she just call her daughter an uggo? Both Vi and Daph look rather ill.

Daphne strides into her room with Rose on her heels again, and she is ready to steal Cressida’s man out from under her now. She’s wearing the white dress and the flowers in her hair.

We are with Anthony in his study, as Violet comes in and asks if he is going to the ball. He is. She gives him a list of women. I guess she’s moved from QVC to more of a catalog situation. He blows her off. She asks after the pocket watch he was looking at a second ago. You know, the one that was his father’s? The Viscount? He cottons on pretty quickly and tells her it’s quarter to. She says it’s quite late (get it?) and then says time is of the essence. Why, exactly?

Then we are at the ball, which is very flowery. The Queen looks bored in a lilac-colored wig as Cressida dances with the Prince. Cressida is in another painful-looking hairstyle as her mother calls her a princess from the sidelines.

The Feather-Clan descends the staircase to the party, where Marina is immediately asked to dance. Simon and Lady Danbury stand nearby and she calls him out on being quiet. Guys, he’s wearing a cravat again! He’s leaving England early. She calls him foolish. Maybe if you hadn’t spooked him like a horse, Agatha…

And then here is Daphne, in all her glittery, curly glory. Violet asks if she feels okay, and Daphne lies that she feels exceptional. She goes out to the staircase, where everyone looks up at her. Her fan is very feathery, and she starts using it as she descends. The Prince is staring at her and leaves poor Cressida in the dust to go attend to Daphne. There’s Pen again, right behind him. Simon is watching. The Prince asks for her first dance and she says it would be an honor and then oh so delicately drops her fan. She’s very good, you guys. Frederick bends to retrieve it as everyone looks on. Dame Julie comes back to tell us that the diamond might be added to the crown jewels and that Simon is soo jelly. Simon walks out as Lady Danbury and Penelope watch with worry. Julie asks why Daphne should settle for a Duke when she can have a Prince?

Why indeed.

gifs are from: https://dailybridgerton.tumblr.com/post/738545077503377408

#polin bridgerton #tv recap #bridgerton

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