#transness is about joy and self love

[regsaysstuff]

"You need dysphoria to be trans." If your definition of transness is self-hatered, then that's your problem, not mine.

[tricoufamily]

once again thinking about how easy it would be for me to be in a relationship if i was cis

[dykeulous]

one thing in particular that i dislike about non-trans people is the assumption that i, as a transmasc, want to assimilate into normative society & 100% “pass” as a cis man & go through my day-to-day life living as male. i am in general very anti-assimilationist, but my personal reasoning for this goes beyond my general views of assimilation being anti-liberationist at the core. i’m not saying that if i could choose, i would choose this path. i’m not saying i take joy in having to struggle with dysphoria, nor am i saying that transness is “Customize your Character! Build a Personality! Be Funky!” type of thing, nor am i doing whatever spiritual punk social justice thingy the current trans movement is on about. i am simply saying that, despite the fact that i would choose to be born male if i could, i simply have no interest in passing as a normative cishet dude in society. i do not want to be perceived as that, and i have no desire to go through my life living like that. i take pride in being gnc, i take pride in my bond with women & lesbians, i take pride in butch communities. i love forming connections with women & lesbians, without feeling isolated & othered. despite my inner desire to pass as male, i simply would not trade the bond & sisterhood i share with women & lesbians in my life for anything.

i do not shame & blame my fellow transmascs who do want to pass, who want to assimilate & who take measures to do so. not only can it be safer at times & detrimental to the trans person’s mental health & social acceptance, but i also respect the self-determination of each & every trans person & their personal free will. however, i value my connection with butchness & lesbianism, and when i enter female spaces– i do not want to be viewed as a potential threat. i want women to see me, and think, “this person is one of us. this person has gone through what we go through & this person shares our suffering & hardships”. i want to lead the lifestyle of a visibly ftm butch lesbian, and although i am aware of how unsafe & dangerous that can be, and am in no way telling other transmascs they need to follow this path; i need more non-trans people to see my pov, and the pov of many other transmascs– transmedicalism has been proposed as the only “correct” idea of transness for long enough, and we need to put an end to that; someone’s dysphoria isn’t any less real for refusing to assimilate. transmascs have been deeply immersed in butch history, and my desire to pass will never top my love & desire for women.

[daezedglownut]

I thought I’d already found all the possible little hints in XI that Sylvando/Sylvia is trans-coded.

There’s the throwaway party chat line at the French private school:

Ah, to travel from place to place collecting mini medals, learning all about the world and blossoming into lovely young ladies! The students of this school are so lucky!

If we find any mini medals on our travels, we should bring them back here right away so that we can blossom into lovely ladies too! Wouldn’t that be wonderful, honey?

There’s the fact that Sylv in Act 2 bends down to pick up items in the exact same way the girls at the academy practice with mini medals, echoing the statue at the gates of ‘La Collectrice’ - “an elegant young lady picking up a gold medal in a distinctly dignified fashion”.

Very demure. Very mindful.

There’s also the name angle to consider. Though it could be argued that if you leave home and don’t want news of where you are getting back to your dad, you’d probably go by a pseudonym or a stage name. So I don’t think that Sylvando/Sylvia not going by Norberto is a very strong piece of evidence at all.

Adding to that, the fact he ran away from home could yet be seen as a gay young man running away because he didn’t feel accepted at home. But it could also be a trans character doing the exact same thing, so I’d say it’s still very plausible. Not to mention Sylvando inadvertently following in his mother’s footsteps during Act 2 with his gang of gay little ducklings, as mentioned by the Ringmaster is actually a really cute detail, however you want to slice it:

I saw her when I was just a child. She was simply the most incredible performer… She led a parade of people out of a kingdom destroyed by monsters, and on to a new home and a brighter future. And she kept them smiling from start to finish! You can’t imagine how inspirational it was for those of us who were lucky enough to wave them on their way.

You remind me of her, you know. The look on her face as she proudly led all those people out of danger, spreading joy and laughter wherever she went…

Then there’s the fact Sylvando/Sylvia goes by female pronouns in the JP version of the game. Again, not concrete evidence based on the fact that “extremely flamboyant gay male characters” in JP media are often (sadly) treated in the exact same way, reducing them to a comic relief sort of “hodgepodge mix of everything queer” Okama stereotype. This doesn’t erase their cisness or their homosexuality. But I can see why from a western viewpoint it might seem like really strong evidence of their transness when it’s something particular to Japan that got lost in translation. The closest comparison I can think to make to “make it make sense” is in the west where gay femme—but entirely cis—males call one another “she” and “her”.

However, I found what could be the most concrete “HEAR ME OUT” evidence completely by accident:

Boxer shorts are a common suit of armor in the Dragon Quest series. They are generally considered a gag piece of equipment notable for their low defensive properties and they can only be worn by male characters.

And wouldn’t you know it, only the Luminary, Erik, Rab, and Hendrik can equip the boxer shorts in XI���

I checked.

Now. I don’t want to say this is canonical or 100% proof by any means. Sylvando could just be a flamboyantly gay man who has too much self respect than to be seen dead in those striped monstrosities. After all, I can’t imagine someone like Jasper would deign to equip them either lol

What I love most about Sylvando/Sylvia is how open to interpretation the character is. I’ve seen so many conflicting theories that are all written beautifully, and all hold merit. (I myself enjoy dabbling with how I interpret the character depending on the needs of the story I’m writing, and whatever tf my gender is doing on any given day…)

And the best thing about Sylvando/Sylvia is the overwhelmingly positive reception to the character from fans. How Sylv could’ve been a cheap throwaway gag without substance, yet arguably became the character who ‘stole the show’ at every turn and got some of the best storylines.

In the end, I didn’t want to save the world for the rest of Erdrea - I just wanted to do it so Sylv could go home and make up for lost time with his adorable, crotchety dad! 🥺💕

[transgenderpolls]

re: the dating ppl who recently transitioned poll. I'm t4t and I probably wouldnt date someone who very recently realized they were trans, bc as someone who has been out for a long time (self discovery starting 15 years ago) I often take a mentorship-like role with ppl just starting on that journey. I absolutely LOVE having the opportunity to walk with ppl through the rollercoaster of feelings that early transition tends to pose, and I'm honored to be able to support and affirm them. but the mentor-mentee experience gap does feel kind of like "dating younger" so I'd feel like I was taking advantage of them being vulnerable with me, until they've found their footing. It's an honor to be there when someone's egg cracks, but in a partner I want someone who, like me, has already processed a lot of those feelings and with whom I share in confidence and joy for our transness. Also, when I was newly out I had a bunch of crushes on more "senior" trans ppl that turned out to be gender envy and looking-up-to-them rather than actual romantic feelings. And I've had multiple experiences of being on the other end of that with friends too, so when a "young" trans person tells me they like me, I say "give it some time and get to know yourself, then if the feelings are there in a couple years we will revisit this." Bc honestly it feels really bad when it turns out someone didnt like *you*, it could have been any supportive trans person and I just happened to be there. So it's not about who is more trans, just about matching life stages.

i agree completely, thanks for sharing!

[risingscorchingsuns]

Happy Trans Day of Visibility, everyone! From Hikaru and I to you!!

As I was drawing this, I kept trying to think of a good caption to post it with. I’ve always been known for my words, after all. But for once, I’m at a bit of a loss. It’s a big day for me, but it also just feels like an average Sunday.

I sketched and re-sketched this over and over again, trying to get everything exactly right. It didn’t turn out perfect, but honestly, I like it better that way. Hikaru isn’t exactly the same as me, but a LOT of him is drawn from reflections of me- his experiences with masculinity and transness are a prime example.

This is my first TDOV being fully out, and openly, publicly transitioning. It’s been a difficult year. I’ve faced unimaginable feelings of loneliness and isolation, and kinds of hardships I had never even imagined. Being someone who doesn’t Fit in a small area like mine has left me with a new appreciation for the ability to pass, or my lack thereof. I’ve felt kinds of loneliness and rejection that I had never even fathomed possible before I came out.

But more importantly, I am more in touch with myself than I ever have been before. Knowing myself, knowing Leon, getting to be Leon, is an unimaginable experience. I feel like me for the first time. It took me eighteen years to discover myself, and another two to be confident enough to live it. I still have a long way to go. But I’ve made so many connections, so many friends. I love myself, thoroughly and wholly, for the first time. I’m proud of who I am, and I’m proud of who I’m going to be. It is such a privilege to wake up every day, and know that I’m Leon. I am a self-made man, and I am so proud to be trans. I am proud to be visible. I am proud of who I am, for the first time. It’s scary, and it’s new, and it isn’t easy. But I love being Leon, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I’m so grateful for this space, for this little corner of demon slayer tumblr I’ve found myself on. I am so unimaginably grateful that I’ve managed to make so many amazing connections in the short time since I made risingscorchingsuns, and nothing makes me happier than having a safe place to be me, and to share the things I love. I love Hikaru, and I love Demon Slayer, and I love all of you guys. Thank you for being here, for reading my silly rambles, for making me feel like I can make something worthwhile. (Seriously, nothing makes my day more than being known as “the Rengoku Mutual”. It makes me happy stim every time I think about it. That fucking rules.)

Anyway, this is getting away from me a bit. Apologies, this post is a bit more emotional than my usual long analysis posts. It’s a big day for me, and I feel really lucky to be able to share it with you guys.

Happy Trans Day of Visibility!!

We are here, and we are real, and we are proud!!

Trans Joy!!! For now, and forever!! We are beautiful!! 🏳️‍⚧️

Love,

Leon 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

[crab-boy-blues]

I cannot express the amount of home that this show has given me.

As a queer, transmasc person, I have never felt very comfortable with labels. I thought I was lesbian, then non-binary and bisexual, and then just a gay trans guy. Although I'm fairly sure I'm only attracted to masculine aligned people and that I am masculine aligned myself, I only felt the need for those labels because it's just so much easier to be binary. To have solid answers to who you are, to fit nicely into one category, to be easy to explain. But I have never been a polar or binary person in any sense, I have always been fluid. From my gender identity to expression, my ADHD fixation cycle of constantly moving on to new things, to my tendency to mirror people and morph a bit into different situations.

But nothing about our world just lets you live free and fluid like that. This is not conducive with our society of cishet being the default, and anything else needing to be clearly stated. Because you can't just be different and go unexplained, you have to justify your very existence. It is exhausting to live as a fluid person in many aspects, and constantly having to pinpoint myself on arbitrary scales that were set up by other people, to help them understand. I don't owe anyone coordinates to the exact degree of my transness. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

Our flag means death is such a beautiful depiction of a way of being that just lets people be. At almost no point is straight the expectation. The words queer and gay don't come up a single time throughout the show (correct me on that if I'm wrong), because it's just not relevant. The point of the show is that they're in love, and the fact that they're both men has almost no bearing on the situation whatsoever. Because it doesn't change anything. Jim is never acknowledged as trans, there isn't a coming out, Jim is just Jim, and it's not questioned. Olu, Zheng, Jim, and Archie's relationship is never clarified. Because we don't need to know if they're two couples or one quadruple, it just. Doesn't. Matter.

This stupid fucking beautiful show let's these wonderful characters be who they are, no presets to their selfness. To hell with historical accuracy, to hell with realism. Because this pocket of celebration of self, of queer joy, of love, it isn't about that. It's not about the details, or the timeline, or the exactness. It just is. It's fluid and free and fucking beautiful. And it's a home for people like me.

"it's about belonging to something"

[transmonstera]

I was telling a friend abt you and they were like "isn't he a truscum" and i - am wildly surprised by that concept. You seem very, "Everyone Should Be Trans" - and not at All "if you do xyz you're not Really Trans"

Anyways have a good day :)

this is absolutely hilarious because I have made Many A Post about how truscum and transmeds are chronic losers who have no friends. the amount of transmeds I used to get sharing my work and calling ME a fake a trans person while ripping the piece to shreds (usually pieces surrounding trans joy lol) so the idea anyone would think I'm that is very funny to me because while yeah a lot of my work features hormones and surgery... my work is oftentimes personal and I am on hormones and am post surgery so of course that's gonna be there. that doesn't mean I push the idea of if you're not on/doing these things you're not as real as me, it's oftentimes just a fun visual motif or for a specific narrative in a piece that's against the taking away of those aspects of transitioning

I have always said and will always say, doubting someone else's gender will not make yours feel more real so you can't waste time measuring people's "validity" by how miserable or self hating they are. transness is not about hating yourself, it's about loving yourself enough to live not just exist

something something everyone should be trans and everyone can be trans, validity or seriousness be damned. we have a rough time as it is we may as well have fun where we can

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

RE: your last ask... I'm a different anon, trans in the other direction heh. Finding which path bears the most fruit is... So difficult? I'm currently on the waitlist for top surgery and I haven't told my parents yet- it's going to cause so much anger and grief and I don't know if I will be able to maintain a relationship with them. They're very progressive for reformed protestant christians otherwise, moderately leftwing, but something about transness sets off my dad in a way I do not understand and he refuses to explain, he just storms off and says he "can't follow me on this path". So... Yeah. Idunno. Transitioning feels selfish, but I also NEED to do it, so I'll go through with it, I just always wonder if it's gonna be the final nail in the coffin for my faith.

previous ask

I feel for you — it can be hard to discern which way leads to good fruit when you are in the liminal space between the tree planted and the tree fruiting. It can also be really really hard to determine what exactly the tree is: In your case, are potential negative responses to your transness / top surgery the fruit of transness itself? Or is the tree transphobia?

That is how I consider things: When trans people are free to live as themselves without transphobia and cissexism involved (hard to experience these days), the fruit is new life, new energy, new community, new thriving. It is only when those anti-trans reactions enter the mix that the results are instead rejection, violence, and grief.

That is why I firmly maintain that any bad fruits that come from living out our transness are coming from transphobia, not transness itself. I will share my personal experience, while aware that I am extremely lucky and privileged to have parents who were never afraid "for my soul," only a little incredulous about nonbinary genders at first and then concerned about how it would affect my quality of life.

When I told my parents I planned to get top surgery and would appreciate their support, by dad and mom both responded with different flavors of bewilderment about why it was necessary. My dad kept talking about how my body shouldn't matter (typical view of a white, cishet, able bodied man). My mom told me she couldn't offer any financial support to the surgery itself because she thought it was a mistake I'd regret, and a waste of money.

But over the year following my top surgery, they witnessed my transformation: my new energy, joy, willingness to get out of my comfort zone. And they moved into full support.

My mom also originally grieved over my name change, because my birthname was meaningful to her and she felt like I was distancing myself from her by changing it -- but within a year, she gave me the nickname "Aves," and fully supported my legal change when I finally got around to it.

Ultimately, my parents' support and affirmation through calling me the right name and pronouns, and even challenging their friends when they say anti-trans shit, has brought us closer than we ever were before while I was in the closet / completely unaware of what it was that made me feel so disconnected from society.

The affirmation of transness yields good fruit. It is transphobia that yields bad fruit. As the late, great Rachel Held Evans puts it:

"If same-sex relationships are really sinful, then why do they so often produce good fruit—loving families, open homes, self-sacrifice, commitment, faithfulness, joy? And if conservative Christians are really right in their response to same-sex relationships, then why does that response often produce bad fruit—secrets, shame, depression, loneliness, broken families, and fear?"

All this to say: I am so sorry that you have been made to feel torn between your gender and your faith, between transness and your parental relationships. You deserve to be loved exactly as you are, to experience yourself as the holy, beloved person you are. But if you feel you must choose — choose life. Choose surgery and whatever else you need to be you.

I pray that the other things will follow — that your loved ones will witness the good fruit of your choice, and finally be able to follow you into joy. But even if they fail to recognize what is clearly evident, I pray you will feel the presence of the LIVING God who wills abundant life for you.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Here’s some positivity for transfem alters in afab bodies, and transmasc alters in amab bodies!

💙 In systems, gender can be complex, complicated, and vary vastly from member to member. This post is for transfem alters in afab bodies, and transmasc alters in amab bodies! 💙

💗 Shoutout to introjects whose source is not trans, whose own gender identity cause them to identify as transmasc or transfem despite the gender the body was assigned at birth! 💗

🤍 Shoutout to transfem headmates whose system is transitioning with testosterone, and transmasc headmates whose system is transitioning with estrogen! 🤍

💗 Shoutout to transfem or transmasc headmates who deal with phantom dysphoria as the way their body looks in headspace/their mind differs from how the body actually looks! 💗

💙 Shoutout to transfem or transmasc headmates who get gender euphoria from existing in the body as it was assigned at birth! 💙

💗 Shoutout to transfem headmates in afab bodies and transmasc headmates in amab bodies who feel ostracized from the trans community, or feel like they can’t speak up about their transness due to the body they inhabit! 💗

🤍 Shoutout to transmasc headmates who are accused by others of being transandrophobic, and transfem headmates who are accused of being transmysogynist just because of the way they identity (p.s. you’re NOT either of these things just by being a trans headmate whose gender aligns with your body’s agab!!) 🤍

💗 You are all wonderful, bright, and beautiful, and exemplify trans struggle and trans joy just like any other trans person! For many, gender is not a choice, and it’s okay to feel feminine in a trans way in an afab body or masculine in a trans way in an amab body! Your identity is not harming anyone, and you are a vital and important part of the trans, queer, and plural communities just the way you are! 💗

💙 Please remember that you are not as alone as you may think - there are many trans system members out there who are still trans regardless of the body’s gender assigned at birth. Know that we’re rooting for you, we care about you, and we believe in you in all that you do! Keep putting trans joy into the world by existing as your authentic self! Thank you so much, and have a lovely day! 💙

(Image ID:) A pale orange userbox with a cluster of multicolored flowers for the userbox image. The border and text are both dark orange, and the text reads “all plurals can interact with this post!” (End ID.)

[papakhan]

Lol why would someone even say that. Like... idk im transmasc im personally mortified of the idea of getting pregnant but... its none of my business if another man wants to be pregnant why would there be any judgement there 😭😭😭 plus the post was very funny people need to stop projecting over a sillay little post. Have a good night king the haters dont get it

the thing is I totally understand trans guys being uncomfortable with the concept of (trans) men getting pregnant. In our society its a very gendered concept, it gets fetishised by weirdos online all the time and to a lot of (especially queer) afab people its strongly associated with control and abuse. I totally get it. That was me not so long ago but after a lot of research I became more comfortable with it because I want to have children one day. I shouldn't have to expose this part of myself as a defence against people calling me transphobic when I am literally trans and half the fight for trans people is "my body my choice"

what gets me is that the tumblr fallout community gets in this fucking argument allll the fucking time over whether the fallout universe should be "dark and gritty and ~realistic~" in regards to Everyone being transphobic Or if the wasteland should be some kind of trans haven without the binds of society. I personally lean on the latter and get a lot of comfort out of the idea that the Great Khans specifically are a bastion of trans joy and experience and to them women having dicks and men giving birth is just. normal.

the end goal for trans people should be to de-gender concepts like pregnancy and penis but we're never gonna fucking get anywhere if trans people project their dysphoria onto each other and start self-flagellating themselves whenever someone steps out of line or makes a stupid joke.

And yeah this is an overreaction to someone critising a stupid post of mine but I'm more mad at the wider culture of the fallout community (and tumblr) regarding this topic because like I said shit like this keeps happening. part of my job is about educating people about trans bodies and saying shit like "don't assume who can and can't get pregnant" and trying to help fellow trans people find comfort in a country that's actively trying to get them all murdered. To then log onto tumblr dot com and get called transphobic because I said I love headcanoning Papa as trans and him being able to deflect the Legion's misogyny because of his transness is like a slap to the face. you guys are meant to be the transgender love website what the fuck are you talking about?? Also Saying that I'm enabling transphobia by allowing people who arent trans men to reblog my post is also stupid and for the record most people in my notes right now are either trans people who are genuinely agreeing that Papa is trans or ghost fans who think I'm talking about their band (but are still trans and still agreeing).

sure maybe I should have put a trigger warning on the post or something because it might trigger someone's dyphoria, but just say that. Don't act like I'm the problem and that I'm too stupid to recognise internalised transphobia and calling me "too comfortable with joking about trans bodies" when 1. I wasn't joking About trans bodies and 2. ITS MY FUCKING BODY

My joke was about how Caesar cant handle Papa being trans. it was a joke about how society cant handle trans people who they can't clock. it was also a joke about how Papa comes from a society where transness is so normalised that he wrongfully assumes that its something everyone can do. At no point was I "nasty about trans bodies" like this person claims I was. In fact I think that pretending that I was says more about how they view trans bodies than it does about how I do, That I can mention trans pregnancy and they automatically assume I'm fetishing or being disrespectful.

anyway. that's a lot of shit. thanks for letting me ramble and tucking me into bed so sweetly <3

[actualbird]

I'm a big fan of the ftm trans Luke hc and I wondered when you'd think he found out and when he actually transitioned?

Personally, I love the idea of Luke confiding in Rosa about his identity when they were teens and Rosa trying her best to help him by doing small things to help him affirm his gender. (Like give him a boyish haircut or something along those lines)

But I also really like the idea of Luke going undercover as a man for an NSB mission and suddenly realizing like "Wait a minute..."

hello hello!!! and wahhhh, im so glad you like my headcanon :DDD

trans!luke is especially dear to me because 50% because i myself projecting heavily onto him in this hc, and 50% because his canon arc of self hatred slowly changing and leading him to eventual self love and affirmation for his own joys is something i believe to also be a beautiful trans experience

i actually wrote a whole trans!luke fic on ao3 you can read it here, "but little do we know, the stars welcome him with open arms"

and in this fic, i wrote most of my fuller hcs on trans!luke. so here, wrote him finding out he was trans and transitioned while he was at university in central. so, he found out when he was away and also during a period of life which classically is one of individual self discovery. but he found out when he was away from mc, away from his closest friend and confidant. and he doesnt tell her. he doesnt tell her because shortly after, he gets caught up in the nsb and suddenly all the things he hasnt told her start piling up and up and up. and while i dont go into detail of how he found out, i put more focus on how he internalizes his transness as another one of those secrets to keep from her, but of course, he cant keep them forever, because he returns to stellis and meets her again, as who he is...

...and i wrote it this way because i wanted their reunion of "oh youre the you i know but different but still very much the you i know and love" i wanted mc to both re-meet luke pearce yet accept and recognize him as the luke pearce he is now

(recognize is in italics because recognition is a big theme in the fic. im explaining it badly but shdfvsdfdsfljb just read the fic, itll make more sense there i promise)

him finding out on a mission like that is so top tier though. i'd love to read a fic about luke, still an egg, being like "hey why does being undercover as a guy not only feel immensely natural but also like im finally being myself after years.............WAIT A SECOND" HVSDFLFSJD

thank you for the ask!

[corrodedcoughin]

okay so your trans art binge-reblog spree yesterday kinda synced up with me having Intense Gender Feels so please allow me the liberty of gently knocking at your inbox again bc I feel a mighty need to unleash some trans!Eddie headcanons on you >.>

imagine the sheer emancipation of Eddie growing out his hair again after he had cut it short when first moving in with Wayne but this time long hair feels different and so, so much freeing bc it's no longer a stupid social expectation rooted in sth that isn't even true about him but instead a personal choice, one deeply connected with the music that comforts and inspires him like nothing else

imagine the freedom of him first realizing he's trans and how things — maybe not all things but at least some of them — suddenly fell into place from just knowing who he is, even if back then he had no opportunity and no safe place to as much as think about trying to socially transition. just feeling like his authentic self for once, without the weight of others' preconceptions about all the arbitrary ways he's supposed to be. he might've been unable to tell anyone at that time but simply having that knowledge to himself was liberating from the years of having felt like there's sth wrong with him. liberating bc now he knew for a fact that there wasn't. how can this be wrong if it made him feel like himself for the first time maybe ever?

imagine him hesitantly knocking on his uncle's door in the middle of the night when he had no choice but to run away from home. imagine the surprise on Wayne's face and all the unyielding unquestioning trust and comfort he's got for him, so thorough and genuine that it only takes him a few days to come out despite the fear. and then Wayne's silence breaks into a question of what name his nephew would like to called then. the words startling soon-to-be-Eddie into a impulsive hug, which is returned with utmost care and with quiet thinking-out-loud rambling of whether Wayne's got any clothes that would fit his nephew and that he would feel comfortable in

imagine the joy when Eddie gets a fake ID from Reefer Rick one day

imagine him making friends with the rest of Corroded Coffin guys and, when he gathers the courage and trust to come out, being met with support, ranging from confusion and a promise to eventually get how any of it works and to respect Eddie's pronouns etc, to deep understanding that hardly needs words bc you know you're being seen for who you actually are

imagine Eddie working on his voice and ending up achieving some success partly thanks to singing along to his favorite songs and trying to learn harsh metal vocals and at first scaring everyone around by going over the top with them until he figures out ways to train his voice to be more masculine sounding without resorting to that kind of harshness (and developing multiple fun vocal stims on the way)

imagine Eddie getting together with Steve and as a bonus gaining the perfect person to get advice from when it comes to figuring out a workout routine for his purposes

imagine the relief of knowing there are multiple people who you can be your authentic self with and who love you for this and would never change a single thing about what makes you yourself

oof well, I kinda carried away "a bit" (meanwhile the Feels have only intensified further whoops) and these are in no particular order but I really hope you'll like this humble offering. have a restful fulfilling weekend💜

LIAM!!!! LIAM!!!!! I am always ready for transing the narrative (been in some gender struggles too so let’s be in this together 🤝) I’m going to be running commentary replying so if it’s incoherent or accidentally cover something said later I’m sorry!!

- the hair!! YES!!! I feel like he had long hair before and felt pushed into have short hair in order to be taken seriously in his identity but what he always really wanted to be was ‘just a boy with long hair’ and the more it grows the happier he gets becuase THIS!! THIS!!! Is who he feels like he should have always been!!! This feel RIGHT! When it gets past the length of being ‘acceptable’ for a boy and starts brushing his shoulders he hasn’t never felt more strongly that he is Right. That this is Who He Is, this is Eddie Munson and Eddie Munson is a societal expectation-dodging BOY

- THE ACCEPTANCE AND REALISATION!!! What if he was going around as a child saying kid stuff like ‘when will I grow a beard?’ And being hushed by his elders (before Wayne). Going along with what was given to him, be it toys or clothes because his family didn’t have a lot so he’s not going to ask for more but knowing that they didn’t feel right. That he was performing a character for these people and hoping it would be enough for them, for himself. It’s not, something still feels wrong and he can’t figure out. But then, then he gets the keys to the kingdom, he moves in with Wayne and Wayne gives him some money and sets him loose in the thrift shop. At the start he sifts through the girl’s rails but all of the sizes are wrong for him. So wayne just suggests the boys racks because hey it’s just T-shirts and we need to get you stuff that fits. He guides eddie to the plain T-shirts, not thinking much of it. Not thinking it’ll be a Realisation in the young mind of his nephew. Eddie goes home with 2 boys T-shirts that day and from then on gravitates to exclusively wearing them. Next thrift shop visit eddie makes a beeline to the boys section and doesn’t look back.

- AHHH WAYNE AND COMING OUT I LOVE YOUR VERSION!!! What about Wayne passing a couple of shirts on to Eddie? A hat too? And a belt because god knows Eddie’s buying the jeans that hide his hips and needs something to hold them up. Wayne starts calling eddie ‘son’ and ‘boy’. Every time it’s like Christmas lights have been turned on behind his eyes. He feels dizzy with it, can’t contain himself, has to clench his fists to stop himself from shaking becuase this? This feels right. It fees Correct and knowing Wayne is here with him is the ballast he needs to secure himself on this unpredictable ride.

-CORRODED COFFIN SAYING ITS SO METAL OF HIM. (I personally also hc Gareth as trans so I like to think that Jeff and Freak are always ready to be Boys and show them Boy Stuff. Like alongside band practice they had Boy Practice at the start and now they can burp the alphabet in harmony and can armpit fart guitar solos and play fight and are just GOOFY)

- eddie going to a gig or band practice and then the next morning waking up with a slightly wrecked voice that he /loves/. He surreptitiously tries to maintain it, shouting lyrics in his room and just screaming sometimes but it starts to get painful and he accepts he has to find a different way. He listens to the radio with Wayne, asks to go with him when Wayne’s work friends plan a couple of drinks in one of their yards. Eddie gets to go to a couple, gets to listen to Wayne’s country and rock radio stations. Gets to hear these men talking and tries out phrases he hears when he’s on his own, records them on a tape deck he found in the thrift by luck one day. Records and re-records until he gets it right. Until he can prank call principle Higgins and get shouted at down the phone ‘I’ll find out who your father is boy! He’ll have your hide!’ The peak is when he goes into scoops and gets everything he wanted ‘hey man, how’s it going?’ From the offensively cute sailor with the big hands and strawberry sweet smile

- WORKOUT SUPPORT STEVE. YES. YES ABSOLUTELY!!! Steve showing him that he can’t just hit upper body every day, that he has to get everywhere. That he needs to make his core thicker if he wants that boy look. That working on his quads and calves will help, he promises it won’t leave him a big butt and tiny waist. (Not unless he wants Steve’s routine, that boy is going to work on his ass-ets okay?) eddie doing his first full push up with Proper Form and feeling the muscles in his back move and thinks yes. This is Good. God knows he’s not great at sticking to it but when it serves a purpose and it means he gets to ogle his boyfriend? Kind of a win win

- TBE LAST POINT!!! Yes!!! Eddie living in subconscious fear for so long that he pushes the very notion of being a Boy down. so far Down and Away that he won’t ever let it see the light of day. Or so he thinks. He tells himself that he is fine, that this is fine. But it isn’t and he doesn’t know what feels wrong. Until it slowly starts to change at a glacial speed. He tries different things. Starting only in his room, makes jokes that he thinks he can get away with in front of Wayne. Pushes it further, does more Boy things with corroded coffin. Sees that it’s okay? They are okay with it? With how he is? Sees that Wayne just nods at him and doesn’t make a fuss? That Wayne’s friends don’t bay an eye somehow? (Sure some guys at work do, but Wayne makes sure they know where their opinions aren’t wanted. That Wayne and his group aren’t to be taken lightly on the topic of Wayne’s nephew)

Eddie experiencing so much acceptance and love and there being so venom in it. No ‘waiting’ for it all to pass and Eddie to go back to ‘normal’. Eddies never been normal and that’s a badge he starts to wear with pride. With defiance. Knowing that he has everyone he could ever need how could be not?

[luciferfemme]

Some gay as fuck questions

What’s your favorite piece of problematic gay media? 

Who’s a gay-lebrity you love? 

who’s a gay-lebrity you loathe?

What’s a piece of gay (or gay adjacent) media you have brain rot for? 

what are your thoughts about LGBTQIA+ period pieces? 

do you believe in astrology? 

tell me about a celebrity who’s gender/style you’d like to steal

how many times have you come out? 

what was your coming out experience like? 

if you could tell your younger self something what would it be? 

tell me about your first queer crush

tell me about your first queer kiss

recommend a song to me that’s GAY™

what’s a piece of queer media you just can’t get behind? 

quick tell me your worst top and bottom takes

what’s the messiest thing you have ever done? 

have you ever had a crush on your best friend? 

have you ever had a crush on someone who was clearly straight? 

have you ever dated someone of the opposite sex what was that like? 

are you spiritually inclined? 

Do you have catholic guilt (have you made it sexy yet?)

what is your “stereotypically gay™ thing?” 

how did you imagine yourself growing up

if money were no object where would you live? 

is there anybody that you’re crushing on? Tell me about them. 

if you’re in a relationship how did you meet them?

what’s the secret to finding someone? 

what is the silliest sexy moment you can think of? 

do you have a good relationship with your parents? 

boybands or girlbands?

do you like your community’s assigned Pride flag? 

how would you describe your aesthetic in one sentence? 

favorite animal? 

favorite celestial body? 

favorite flavor of ice cream

fun/random fact you know

your favorite quote 

name one straight person

what transed your gender? 

what is your current obsession? 

what did you want to be when you grew up? 

tell me about a time when queer visibility helped you

what would your message be to someone just coming out? 

what would your reality show tagline be? 

favorite historical queer person? 

what gay icon™ do you worship? 

favorite stuffed animal? 

tell me about your bff? 

have you ever had a platonic soulmate? 

can you math? 

what supernatural thing  do you wish was real? (vampires, ghosts, werewolves, etc)

if money were no object what would your ideal style be? 

what is the most ridiculously specific thing you own that you would never get rid of and love regardless of it’s use or value? 

favorite queer horror icon

what is your favorite queer love story? 

does seeing other people’s gay love make you feel lonely (if you’re single?)

what brings you joy?

how many tabs are open on your desktop right now? 

what is your dream date? 

what are you yearning for most right now? 

[ryegarden]

conclusion: every part of us trans people is edible and full of nutrients ... wait i think i got this all mixed up ...

i dont really know what a dissertation even is but i would love to read it when youre finished if that's possible !!! or before then idk proofread it for ya :o) not a problem if that's not a thing you can do though just whee i love it already !>

also idk this is mb just me but i think another important thing is that its not just dandelions, if you go looking for reflections of the trans experience in nature it's almost impossible to go ten seconds without finding one !;!! we're not just dandelions, we're a natural part of the world that exists in all facets of life. normally id scoff at appeals to naturalism but this is one of those cases where it's not a fallacy, we are everywhere, it's no surprise we're here too, and it's far from unnatural.

sorry rambling just go dandelions go everything go you !!!

TRUEEEE TRUE ‼️ love my edible trans babes ✌️😌

But yes fr UM a dissertation is just a paper u have to write in your final year of uni in the UK, I'm an an art uni so our requirement is only like. 5000 words. But optionally u can do 8000. And I have so much to say on the topic LMAO yeah I will put it online when it's done if it's any good!!

And you're so right I agree!!!! There's really parallels to be found everywhere (and I feel this is probably just the case with nature, it makes for good symbolism) to transness. A lot of my work last year for uni did things to do with bugs and transness (lots of inspiration from @homoidiotic 💕💕💕💕) and the link that exists there (metamorphosis, disgust, squeamishness, essential to ecosystems). Even my foundation film (florecense) is about plants as a metaphor for transness, in the idea of self love and allowing yourself to change and grow and the joy in cultivating your own identity. I keep coming back to it.

[ravencromwell]

Ros Vortalis trans headcanons

There are some remarkable trans Holland fics and headcanons, but can we talk about Ros Vortalis, whom all of his friends simply call Vor? Who, even when he’s _dying Holland calls Vor, to be expected, but also Vortalis which’s so much longer than Ros.

A bit of googling informs me Ros is “protector” in German, which’s chef’s kiss one hundred/ten no notes V.E. But it’s also, more frequently, a diminutive of Rosalind. Disclaimer before I start these that I respect and love! the headcanons of Makt as fairly gender nonrestrictive, with power being more of a defining factor of treatment. My Makt, however, is more complicated, with gender and gender transitions being imperfect but still a site where joy can be created, much like the rest of White London existence. Putting the rest of these beneath a cut with that in mind because as a trans person, I know some days I can’t handle transness as careful complication to be navigated and don’t want to inflict it on anyone unprepared. (Though, I promise! there’re fluffy as fuck nsfw Vor/Holland and Vor/friends headcanons in here to cut the angst.)

Ros retains a shortened form of his given namefor business purposes within the Shal—we know Shal means “market” in Red London, and I tend to think it means the same in White, such that when Holland calls him a “thug from the Shal” he’s referring to Vor being in the merchant/smuggling business. When he transitions, he’s relatively young and honestly to flagrantly demand a name change would be seen by too many as blood in the water. His greatest focus, always, is Makt rather than his personal happiness and he’d rather be burdened with the “nickname” Ros and be capable of rising in the Shal in service of becoming king.

There’re two ways of transitioning: the easiest and least painful is utilizing a spell similar to Astrid’s with Lila and stealing a face and voice. But that spell fades with death and though Vor understands that his body is likely destined for desecration once he’s gone as Makt’s people drain its blood and magic, there’s still this stubborn demand that they destroy a body without the face that made him shudder every time his child self caught a glimpse (he is so grateful for a lack of mirrors in Makt for much of his young adulthood.)

So he chooses the harder, excruciating method: finds a bone magician to permanently reshape his body. Session after session, over months traveling abroad on a ship with only the open sea and crew to hear him scream himself hoarse.

The first time they share a bed, Holland strokes along the broadened shoulders, runs fingers along the scars on his chest—eyes fixed on Vor’s all the while— and murmurs: “If they did not believe you would hold the throne, they were fools.”

“I’m flattered.” He’s bright-eyed, with that deep, rolling-sea laugh.

“After this, very little would stop you.” Fools have marveled at the extent of spells across his body, and inwardly he howls in hysterical laughter because there is very little to dull pain in Makt, and the shipboard pain was so vast it made everything else feel like pinpricks by comparison. He’s never bedded someone who would know that as intimately as the man who had done his damndest to use that same magic in stopping Vor’s fist before it connected with his face, and the admiration uncoils something deep in his chest. “Sometimes I’m certain I can’t keep it. One moment it will be there and then not.” He manages a farse of a smile “Foolish, after all these decades, but such is the weakness of your future king, Holland.”

“Lucky you would have an Antari to put it back, then.”

By the time he returned to London, voice rumbling deep from an expanded chest, people understood quickly to use “Ros” with the proper pronouns or see just how effective the runes on his hands were. But well…Ros is an easier shirt than Rosalind to slip into, but it will never sit comfortably. As he develops allies, he finds that Vor and Vortalis fit easier. And it becomes a good gauge for trust. Those who understand implicitly how painful his given name is and respect that, are people worth keeping. It becomes easier, as fewer and fewer people survive who remember Rosalind.

There are far too many moments to count when former friends or lovers try to use “Ros” as a weapon, with a little smirk that says: “You never said we _couldn’t call you that.” And he’s deeply glad he made a relatively small name fuss and provided only a small chink in his armor. (Those sorts of people tend, inevitably, to cause the use of his knives. As though letting them close and showing kindness is an invitation for open season. But such are the risks in Makt, and he is a man who craves touch and closeness. What good to craft the ideal body only to never have it appreciated. The way Holland simply…withdrew from people after Talya is something almost unfathomable. Whether they’re the closest of friends or both king and night and! king and beloved—which’s pretty much always in my head—there’s a deep, profound ache that he could never touch Holland enough to make up for too many years alone.

It’s the dimmest flicker every time he sees the “knight” and “Antari” masks slip, when Holland leans against his shoulder or puts his head in Vor’s lap, eyes half-closing at fingers in his hair. But, simply because the task is nigh on impossible, doesn’t mean he won’t do his best. Vor touches Holland Vosijk a hundred thousand times in those two years of rule—and so, so many more if they both survive—and is so very, very grateful he could take the touches the best of his lovers and allies offered over the last thirty years. (On a slashy front, can we also just talk about how, as a couple, there’s an incomparable way arousal and awe intertwine for Vor _every time Holland reaches out and shows affection: a kiss against his temple as Vor lets their foreheads rest together; a hand moving slow and easy down his back. To be trusted enough for the most guarded man he’s ever met—it took Vor _months to convince him to kill Gorst and he’s never had to work so hard or wanted so desperately for someone to say yes in his life—to touch him is such a valuable thing that he has immense responsibility not to break.)

Also in couple’s verse: If Vor has a small regret, it’s that the bone magicians are far more skilled with outward, above-the-waist presentation—because the best of them have not only done this for trans people, but for criminals etc. seeking a disguise. Thankfully, they had no trouble cutting him open to ensure he would never be with child—he doesn’t have the vocabulary for dysphoria, but the idea of his stomach rounded and heavy is one of the few things that can make him viciously soul-deep terrified. But the below the waist equipment well, it’s not a magic Makt has the luxury of learning.

By the time he meets Holland, it’s the very faintest of regrets: he has a collection of strap-ons for when he and a lover want to indulge in that particular fantasy—and is comfortable enough in his skin it’s an indulgence and not a requirement. It’s beautiful to watch lovers slide to their knees and take them in their hands or mouths or slide inside and watch them arch with pleasure. But oh, oh he wishes he could _feel it. It’s not a complaint worth voicing, and honestly after he becomes king, there’s very little time to indulge.

But one day, Holland comes back, smelling of flowers holding a box, tells the guards to wait at the end of the hall because he has crucial business from “the other London” for the king’s ears alone, which has Vor intrigued and concerned because he hasn’t come close to asking Holand to send a message. But before the concern can swell to anything beyond a flicker, he sees a flush so faint anyone would miss it who wasn’t watching. (Even before the Danes, Holland held his feelings and desires in an iron grip; Vor learned early in sharing a bed that Holland loathed the idea of being heard by those not his lovers when losing control: not merely a discomfort that could add spice to an evening, but viscerally, the way it would take everything Vor had to turn his back on an armed opponent.) This is pleasure, not business and he flicks his fingers in a silent command before they can even turn to look.

"Go get yourselves some dinner,“ he says for good measure, "If there is a foe Holland cannot protect me from, there’s little more bodies can do.”

When he opens the box…there are the usual straps but the cock. The cock feels like _skin. “The Arnesians-” and oh, there’s still so much contempt in those words “With their infinite supply of magic have learned to transmute. From earth to bone, and then something softer. There is an illusion for the Arnesians who want to forget the straps.” There were layers upon layers beneath that statement: neither of them wished, at least then, to go begging for scraps, but to _take a little of the bounty Arnes had hoarded,

“_Yes!”

Neither of them know how the illusion works: it is as mysterious as the fireworks Holland has seen that fool his eyes into certainty dragons fly across the unbearably vivid Arnesian sky. It does not matter; in those moments when Holland’s mouth is hot on skin, Vor is utterly, entirely certain Holland is swallowing down the cock he has always had.

It’s almost too much, leaves him speechless for the first time in decades, has Holland scrambling up and onto the bed even as his eyes are still glassy from watching the king come undone to wrap himself around Vor’s back until the world comes into focus again. “Is it only good once or-” he asks, finally and Holland’s smirk is wicked.

When he’s upending the Ost table and coughing up blood—, so much, too much kajt I hope Holland can take the throne because whoever these bastards are they can’t rule, the thing he clings to: more than “Stay with me"—though he _tries—, more than the raw panic in Holland _swearing—is the name. _Vortalis, he says when the table overturns—though it would be such a forgivable mistake to use Ros. Vor, he says while chanting stay and one of his blood spells. He will die as who he made himself, not as he was born.

The three threads of coherence for Holland are the blood spell. That Vor _has to stay. And that if he cannot be enough to stop this, he _will not let Vor die hearing him use the wrong name.

In verses where Vor lives, they both know the "thank you” when he wakes is not for the healing, though to be alive is a joy.