#trained cas to kill dean in all circumstances

[clairenatural]

thinking about goodbye stranger again. thinking about all the times that heaven tried to break cas open and forcibly remove his love for dean winchester only for it to fail every time not just because cas loves him in a way that can't be undone but also because heaven never accounted for dean loving him back

[physalian]

Villain Power Scaling (It's over 9000!)

@sarah-sandwich ask and you shall receive

Quick! We wrote an insanely, unexpectedly successful one-off fantasy series! How do we top the villain?

A bigger, badder giant space laser

The villain’s secret jealous sister

The same power, but purple now

The True Mastermind you’ve never heard of

JK, they’re not actually dead!

When you choose to continue on a series and have already committed to possibly destroying the legacy of the characters who fought and died to save the world once by undoing it for money, you had better have a damn good story to tell.

So if you decide your new threat is any of the above, you have quite the uphill battle ahead of you, my friend.

What is Power Scaling?

Power scaling is the nature of the ability of the heroes and the villains to grow more competent over the course of the story via new skills, new powers, or more training. Protagonist’s first fight (that they win, at least) will generally be against a baby, tier-one mook and not up against the main antagonist (*cough* Force Awakens *cough*)

As the story progresses, the mook that was so scary and so hard to beat oh so very long ago will become unnamed cannon fodder in the climax of the story. Generally speaking, this is a linear event and the hero and the villain are constantly one-upping each other until they come head to head in the unavoidable final fight.

Sometimes, things run askew. Maybe the hero’s super special power that saved them last time was a fluke, possible only in those specific circumstances, or one-time use.

Maybe they have amnesia, or the being that gave them that power revoked it, or using it cost them too much. Maybe they got seriously injured in the last fight using it and can no longer go near it if they want to not get hospitalized. Maybe the super power was another character that won the final fight for them last time, but died in the process.

It doesn’t have to be linear, but if you’re going to regress your character without creating a “why didn’t you do what you did last time” plot hole, you will need an ironclad excuse.

So, feast your eyes while I summon the Supernatural fandom back from the dead.

What not to do, as told by Supernatural

This show was originally written to last five seasons and five seasons only. No matter how die hard a fan you are or were, you cannot escape this fact, and neither could the writers.

Season one villain: A demon and her demonic minions

Season two villain: Psychic demon children and Papa Demon Yellow-Eyes

Season three villain: OG Demon Lilith, and Dean’s ticking demon-deal clock

Season four villain: OG Demon Lilith and preventing the rise of Satan

Season five villain: Satan and some douchebag Angels

Then you have Ten. More. Seasons. trying to do better than Satan and the douchebag angels to… varying levels of success and stupidity.

The problem: Supernatural tried to be linear with their power scaling, focusing on ramping up the threat level to nonsensical ends while undermining the threat level of all who came before.

The other problem: Sam, Dean, and Cas never stayed dead long enough for any of these threats to matter.

What I mean is this: In making the threat of the season so impossibly strong, by threatening the world over and over again no matter how many times they save it, by never committing to killing your three most important characters, by never letting the world go a little unsaved in the end, you’re left with a story that *says* it’s bigger, badder, bolder, but is really just a rinse and repeat that goes blander and blander each time.

Coming off Satan and the Douchebag Angels to… Cas and Crowley conspiring over the souls of Purgatory and the unseen war in Heaven because they didn’t have the budget for that, without any of the thematic weight of *why* it was angels and demons? Talk about a loss of momentum.

I rewatch a grand total of one episode of season six, “The French Mistake”. I have lost all context for the plot surrounding this episode and it’s virtually independent of the rest of the season because Sam and Dean get transported into the Real World as Jensen and Jared and poke fun at each other for 52 minutes. This episode is timeless.

The show wasn’t a complete disappointment for the remaining ten seasons or it wouldn’t have lasted that long. It had good beats, but they shot their load in Season Five. After five whole years of buildup to this main event it never recovered.

Alternatives to Linear Power Scaling

Anyone who has or even hasn’t seen Dragon Ball should know that series is famous for infinite power scaling. There’s always someone stronger, always some new secret powerup to unlock with the power of Screaming, always some new Super Sayan color that we promise is more powerful this time, for realsies.

That show is so dedicated to the bit that it’s gone full circle to being loved, not despite it, but because it’s so ridiculous.

You did not write Dragon Ball. Do not do this.

Instead of the infamous clashing multicolored power beams, what other ways can you up the ante of this new threat after your heroes have conquered all they thought stood in their way?

Give a damn good reason why this villain, who is no different than the last schmuck, is unbeatable by the macguffin this time.

As stated above, there’s no need to make the villain More Powerful* if your heroes have lost the world-saving abilities that helped them last time.

2. Exploit the hero’s other weaknesses

More Powerful* is never as exciting as you think it is. Often times, especially in superhero sequels, the villain isn’t necessarily stronger, but the niche power that they do have finds the chink in the hero’s armor that they didn’t have to worry about last time.

3. Make the hero’s niche skillset completely irrelevant

This time, the threat might not be something they can punch or shoot or smack with a hammer. This time, it’s their reputation at stake, or the villain is un-punchable because they’re simply unreachable, causing havoc the hero is helpless to stop.

4. Make the issue not the villain at all, but the hero or their team

Maybe the villain is just a schmuck that would be beatable on any other day, but team infighting means that they make utter asses of themselves and the villain doesn’t have to lift a finger to win because they’ve taken themselves out.

This can get very dramatic like in Captain America: Civil War or the Teen Titans epside "Divide and Conquer". Or, to comedic effect in the Spongebob Episode "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy V" (the one with the International Justice League of Super Acquaintances).

Some would argue that the above options aren’t power scaling at all if it’s not linear, and that’s fair. You’re telling a story though—is your story going to be about the superpowers and how cool they are, or the people who wield them?

5. It’s not actually power scaling, it’s about stakes

Supernatural began to feel so stale because even though we were told the villain this time was bigger, badder, bolder, the stakes were always the same. OSP has talked about this, how threatening to end the world has a foregone conclusion of “never actually gonna happen” because what author is crazy enough to let the world get blown up and all their characters murdered?

Raising the stakes, too, is not linear. Last time it was the world, this time, it’s the life of the love interest, it’s someone’s sanity, it’s a ticking clock on a secret that’s about to go public.

That’s why the first five seasons of Supernatural were so engaging. Were Demons the problem every time? Yes. The Demons were causing the problem, but they were causing five different problems. It was finding and saving their missing dad, then it was uncovering the sinister plan of the psychic demon children, then it was trying to escape Dean’s deal, then it was trying to stop the rise of Satan, then it was trying to stop the apocalypse. It was not five seasons of demons trying to destroy the world.

The more personal the stakes, the more likely your audience will believe the hero could actually lose this time. That’s what will keep them engaged. Dean died at the end of season 3! They lost! There was no escaping that deal. Sure he came back in the pilot of season 4, but the entire 4th and 5th seasons are haunted by Dean’s PTSD and new pessimism about the world given what he’s seen and done in Hell.

6. Threatening the world without destroying a legacy

Covered in this post about timeskips and this post about sequels but it’s too important to not keep repeating.

So. The Star Wars sequels. Rain down your wrath like snow on a hot desert—these movies were a giant mess. The audience sat through six entire movies following the rise, fall, and redemption of one man who died to save his son and the galaxy.

Then, what, twenty years later, absolutely none of it mattered? New space Nazis are out for blood with the same equipment, same weapons, same soldiers, same reach, same motives. Within the theatrical release (because I am not paying money to buy content to do homework to understand a movie made for a layman audience) these movies undermined the legacy of the six that came before it.

It didn’t have to be a new galaxy-ending regime and the same rebels still rebelling for the same reasons—how the heck did they let another empire rise so fast?—it could have started small, inconsequential, and then the actions of the new cast then undermined everything Anakin worked for.

I feel like Mr. Incredible wondering why the world can’t just stay saved for ten minutes.

All of this is salvageable. End the world again if you want. There will always be bad actors out to do bad things, you can’t expect a utopia to last forever. But that bleak reality is for the real world, not fantasy. In fantasy, the sacrifice of beloved characters must matter. Otherwise, what’s the point of their story?

How do you do this?

Make the utopia the old characters died for last up until the new inciting incident, and make sure it’s the new characters’ fault, not just due to the passage of time

Make the villain threaten something other than their legacy

Make that legacy the banner behind which the new cast rallies, determined to make sure it wasn’t in vain

7. Or, burn the world down this time

Some of the best middle beats of a story feature a “did we just lose” moment a la Infinity War. The villain has won, fan favorites are dead, their home is in ashes, and now they’re not only starting from the bottom, they’re doing it with righteous vengeance.

Then the loss of the original character’s legacy *is* the tragedy, instead of a side effect. Then, in a way, they’re still part of the story, a ghost on the sidelines cheering on their successors, and we, the audience, are right beside them.

—

I have a shiny, fresh-off-the-press Insta @chloe_barnes_books now for this blog and my upcoming novel. Go check it out!

[scoobydoodean]

regarding jesse and dean saying they could use him in a fight… do you think maybe dean’s motivations are two fold in the sense that he is thinking about how useful jesse could be but also thinking about being able to protect jesse better if he’s just already with them? somewhat like sam’s initial motivations regarding jack if that makes sense

Context

Sam and Dean definitely wanted to protect Jesse—there's no question about that one. They both burst into Jesse's house after Cas flies away to kill Jesse when Sam and Dean refused to go along with it. Even Cas didn't want to kill Jesse—he just thought it was what was necessary (and Cas's ruthlessness in these sorts of circumstances is also a through line—all the way to the Rosemary's Baby storyline in season 12 where he goes behind Sam and Dean's backs to kill Kelly). But the actual plan to take Jesse with them was born out of an argument with Cas where Sam and Dean were trying to keep Jesse alive while being realistic about the fact that demons would continue hunting him.

When Cas first arrives in the motel and opens with "We should kill Jesse", Sam and Dean let him explain, but then Dean tries to reason Cas toward the solution being, "We should just leave him the hell alone":

DEAN Well, if Jesse's a demonic howitzer, then what the hell's he doing in Nebraska? CASTIEL The demons lost him. They can't find him. But they're looking. DEAN And they lost him because? CASTIEL Because of the child's power. It hides him from both angels and demons. For now. DEAN So he's got, like, a force field around him. Well, that's great. Problem solved.

Cas insists that Jesse is growing stronger because of Lucifer's rise, and something he does will draw the demons attention and he'll be found. This crushes Dean's "Just leave him alone with his parents" angle, and Sam interjects to tell Cas that they aren't killing a child not matter what. Dean backs Sam on this, while pushing a new solution that takes Cas's concerns into account:

Okay. Hey, look, we are not going to kill him. All right? But we can't leave Jesse here either. We know that. So...we take him to Bobby's. He'll know what to do.

Cas objects to this too, saying they have no way to actually get Jesse to come with them to Bobby's, much less stay with them. So Sam pushes another solution, which is to tell Jesse the truth. This does the opposite of placate Cas, and he flies off to kill Jesse without their support.

So Sam and Dean both wanted to protect Jesse. They didn't want to kill him. They tried to compromise with Cas by saying they'd take Jesse to Bobby's where he'd be safe.

Nobody was talking about Jesse actually helping them in a fight until Sam and Dean rushed over to the house, and Dean, who never said he was onboard with telling Jesse the truth, tries to get him to come with them somewhere safe without telling him the truth, because (as he says at the end of the episode) he wishes his own dad had lied to them when they were kids. Jesse's become aware of his own powers though, so what Dean comes up with is that Jesse is a superhero.

DEAN You're a superhero. JESSE I am? DEAN Yeah. Yeah. I mean, who else could turn someone into a toy? You're Superman—minus the cape and the go-go boots. See, my—my partner and I, we work for a secret government agency. It's our job to find kids with special powers. In fact, we're here to take you to a hidden base in South Dakota, where you'll be trained to fight evil. JESSE Like the X-Men? DEAN Exactly like the X-Men. In fact, the, uh, guy we're taking you to—he's even in a wheelchair. You'll be a hero. You'll save lives. You'll get the girl. Sounds like fun, right?

Much of season 4 is about the inevitability of hunting from Sam and Dean's perspectives—that at a certain point, you are in the life too deep to get out. Sam and Dean never had a choice in this life and now it's too late and they have to make the best of it. In season 4, Sam mainly talks about it as something he wouldn't change anyway (until the end) but Dean pretty consistently grieves (4.04, 4.08, 4.12, 4.12, 4.19, 4.21). Jesse is similarly already trapped in the life by the circumstances of his birth and the fact that demons are looking for him.

So what Dean does here is a reflection of his own coping skills with being trapped in hunting when he was a kid. This is a Dabb and Loflin episode, and what Dean does here mirrors Dean's childhood romanticization of hunting according to their previous episode, 4.13 "After School Special", where it's obvious that in order to cope with the weight of John's neglect and the stress of responsibility to the family and being trapped in the life, a young Dean pushes himself to focus on the fact that they're a family of heroes, that they have a sweet setup at the motel with free ice, and being left there for weeks in charge with no curfew is fun and not stressful and soul-crushing at all. Dean talks about a similar narrative from around that age in 2.03 when he describes to Gordon how he embraced the life as a teenager by telling himself he was seeing things other kids his age never got to see, and we later contrast this with "Bad Boys".

Adult Dean's feelings are very different from the feelings of that kid who was just trying to cope. We see this starting in 2.10 and 2.11 when Dean refers to John's last words as "Screaming in his head all day" and says "I wish to god he never opened his mouth" and "Well Dad's an ass! He never should have said anything. I mean, you don't do that, you don't, you don't lay that kind of crap on your kids!" Then at the end of 5.06:

DEAN You know, we destroyed that kid's life by telling him the truth. SAM We didn't have a choice, Dean. DEAN Yeah. You know, I'm starting to get why parents lie to their kids. You want them to believe that the worst thing out there is mixing Pop Rocks and Coke—protect them from the real evil. You want them going to bed feeling safe. If that means lying to them, so be it. The more I think about it...the more I wish Dad had lied to us. SAM Yeah, me too.

Dean wishes John had protected them. He didn't want to be left with the weight of Sam's demonic destiny on his shoulders (that also signified Dean's own potential to become a monster he didn't want to be). So at first, Dean tries to fill Jesse's head with vague ideas that he's a hero and destined for good. Then when Sam tells Jesse the truth, Dean urges Jesse to come with them somewhere safe, where he can train and "you'd be handy in a fight, kid". I don't know—I think it's hard to say whether Dean really meant he'd ask Jesse to fight side by side with them in the apocalypse, and also how far that would go even if they did end up asking Jesse to use his powers to assist them. Like Dean is pretty consistently against involving kids in the life. I do think at the very least, Dean was trying to instill a sense of heroism into Jesse to reinforce that he doesn't have to be evil just because he's half demon and some demons want him to help them kill people. Sam also doesn't object because he also sees Jesse having to come with them as inevitable. After Jesse says "What if I don't want to fight?" Sam tries to talk him through it (he also suggests Jesse has to abandon his parents to protect them). The thing is, Jesse proves all of them wrong. He proves Cas wrong by never doing what he was foretold to do, and he proves Sam and Dean wrong about the inescapability of hunting by flying off to Australia never to be seen again.

[dothwrites]

god jensen does everything so well, but the opener to this episode... he REALLY does grief and grieving well! for dean, grief mingles so effortlessly with anger that it's sometimes impossible to tell the two of them apart and this opening scene shows that so well (also another entry in my segernatural series...)

cas "i always come when you call" showing up when dean calls him this time. no matter how badly he's been treated, he WILL show up because he's always happy to bleed for the winchesters!

"you were stupid for the right reasons/sometimes that's all that matters"--the voice of experience here! cas has made so many poor decisions but he's ALWAYS made them for the right reasons. and, for the most part, so has dean.

pimpmobile my beloved 💖 (i am much more a cas truck truther, but the pimpmobile will always have a special place in my heart)

road trip is fun because it's like "what if we were all exes and we had to work together to save the world and what if we were all just a little bit attracted to each other too"

cecily the demon, you and i are shaking hands. except i will respectfully disagree with you re: the subject of human!cas' hotness. as a TRUE fan, i think he's hot no matter what!

we all know the joke. we all know misha can't throw a punch to save his life (though i think he definitely got BETTER training on gotham knights because some of those punches looked damn good). but that shot after cas punches gadreel? YES PLEASE, LET'S HAVE SOME MORE OF THIS PLEASE!

alas, demon cecily. you were with us for too short a time. (WHY are demons always so quick to kill their underlings? who's gonna work with them if they keep on doing this?!?!)

"less dumb, less ass" is cas' love language to dean

love crowley's interaction with sam on this one. i do love morally gray crowley because it's such an interesting conundrum of whether or not to trust him and WHEN to trust him. but his reassurance to sam that he's not responsible for kevin's death is just very kind. under the circumstances. and his "yes, i love you too" to dean, while sarcastically said, is very much heartfelt.

dean's "i'm poison" speech hurts because he's not being melodramatic or self-pitying when he says it. he actually believes it and he's never really going to be able to look beyond it and see the truth about himself. (not until a certain angel tells him otherwise at least)

cas standing by himself in the rain as dean breaks up with him via an eavesdropped conversation with sam. this poor little angel.

[shallowseeker]

I struggled for the longest time to put my finger on what’s different about Sam and Mary and their attempts to escape the life.

Sam is more Macleod-aligned in terms of how his ambition manifests. Sam likes to appear impressive in key intellectual ways, as much as he likes to style himself an “everyman” who drives nondescript blue cars. It’s an interesting mix of “successful” and “unthreatening.”

Sam’s not great at small talk but he thrives with shoptalk. That’s why his relationships with the AU hunters is all shoptalk. Shoptalk is based on rules and research and special interests, not muddling through emotions and interpersonal connection by feel. (My thesis is this is also why he hates parties.)

He prefers to talk about work or take on a mentor role re:Jack’s pencil training, pep-talk lectures, and “believing in him.” Instinctual connection is harder for Sam. He doesn’t like to offer up details about himself. At best, he offers up personal vangueries, which stifles true reciprocal connection.

///

Cas is no stranger to ambition, but he doesn’t seem as concerned with appearing successful. Like Henry Winchester, Cas’s ambition seems far more idealistic and family-safety-oriented, as opposed to personal glory. (At least, from what we can see…)

There are glimmers that Cas was at one time a “man’s man/angel’s angel,” at least in terms of his military career. (We see this with Bartholomew in season 9.)

I suspect Cas’s military appeal has more to do with his hypercompetence and somewhat natural ability to connect and inspire confidence with his fellow soldiers re:strategy and tactics. He seems to form connections with soldiers (Uriel, Balthazar, Rachel) in a respectful way that someone like Zachariah could only dream of, because natural connection can’t be templated or checklisted.

Cas offers up reciprocal vulnerability, which encourages soldiers to share their feelings. He often opens but putting you in his confidence: “I’m not just a hammer,” to Dean, or “I killed people I loved,” to Jack. This inspires people to open up to him in turn. However, he can be very choosy with mixing “emotional truth” with careful omission, and he’s actually way more skilled at this than someone like Sam is (although Sam would probably balk at this analysis, bless him).

We see that Uriel blasphemies to Cas quite freely. “Something is wrong up there. This is stupid. I hate this. I need to go kill something. I hate mud monkeys,” etc etc etc. It’s also why Anna was so hurt by Cas’s betrayal. Despite everything, she trusted Cas.

Cas’s conversational structure inspires trust, even in AU Kaia in season 14. Lucifer was aware of this, too, as he uses Cas to get Heaven on his side in season 11. (This aspect of Cas is actually pretty wily and can be quite a dangerous quality! He can be a snake in the grass if he wants to.)

///

Jack, on the other hand, doesn’t feel ambitious in the slightest. He’s a hard worker, sure, but that’s not quite the same vibe. I mean, yes. He wants to be “good,” same as Sam wanted to be “pure,” but it seems more the circumstances of his birth. Jack leads by necessity. On AU earth, he is far more concerned with protecting his flock than doing “abstract good” for the world. This natural tendency to lead for protection feels like more of a Dean motif.

Jack seems almost neurotically concerned with protecting “his people” and later has nightmares about failing them (Kevin Tran, the other hunters, etc.). And like I mentioned somewhere else, his crabby yelling at Gabe and Cas for failing to be invincible protectors invokes mid-season 12 Mary’s expectations of Cas.

But he is more insecure than Mary. Jack, like Dean, wants to be loved. Because of this, he can have a tendency to fall into being more focused on “being cool”/likable/desirable to achieve that. This is the element of performance he manifests: a golden child act to match Dean’s dutiful son/cool brouhaha act. This is how Jack knows when Dean is faking re: hitting up a bar when Jack is about to die when Dean really wants more quality time, and even how Jack tries to calm Dean down when Adam and Seraphina whisk him away for a “test.”

///

Addition: Dean is absolutely family-oriented and longs for small, cozy worlds, but like any caretaker, the home and kitchen represents labors of love. (Cas conceptualizes the kitchen as something to bask in, but I suspect that, although it’s special to Dean to do the acts of love, it still represents domestic labor and as such is not as relaxing or freeing.) Thus, perhaps like Millie Winchester, he longs for his own little independent business. It doesn’t have to be successful, just his.

Mary didn’t aim for ambition and “success” but for modest happiness and quality time. I suspect Jack would empathize with young Mary for wanting to pretend to be smaller than she is. It echoes how he pretends to be more human than he is. He too wants to be normal and unthreatening…just for a slice of daily life without powerful obligations, cursed lineages, and dark deals. However, Jack values honesty so much, I’m not sure he could hide himself as well as Mary did from John, but the longing would certainly be there.

Less and more? Another way Sam and Jack are fundamentally different re: their emotional interiority

I'm not able to put this into perfect words tonight, and this runs the risk of oversimplifying Sam, but here goes...

I feel like Sam, for a great portion of his story, longs to Be More, or at least, to give the appearance of Being More.

Sam tells people he's working on his Ph.D. Sam got into Harvard. Sam tells people he was in law school when he was simply "pre-law." Sam wanted to Be Normal, not for simplicity's sake, but perhaps for the holy grail of Making It. (Whatever Making It means in America.)

Intellectualism is important to Sam. Sam's fantasies take place in libraries. Sam likes being a legacy. Sam is smart, and he wants you to see him as smart. (Dean and Cas are craftier; they're more okay with being underestimated because it allows them to cunningly get the upper hand. Crucially, they recognize this about each other's intelligence, too.)

At his core, Sam isn't a "boy-king," not really. He was styled as boy-king in order to be served up on a platter to the True King (Lucifer) to use to win a war. It was a class gambit--a fancy title to get Sam to submit his body for the profit of the war machine.

///

Jack, on the other hand, is the real deal. Jack is a "young prince." He's the "Bambi" to Cas's stern "Great Prince of the Forest."

Jack isn't borrowing powers or accidentally siphoning them off from a yellow-eyed demon. His powers are his own. Even when he uses powers "beyond himself," they derive from his own soul. This fundamental difference in his nature makes Jack something of an off-key parallel to Sam. (He, of course, does parallel Sam when he's eating angel hearts, just as he parallels Cas’s Godstiel appetite re:Purgatory souls.)

But on the whole, Jack wants to be Less. He longs for simplicity in the same way that Dean does. In the same way that Mary does. Sure, Jack wants to Be Good and Do Good, same as Sam does (they are both Doomed Children, after all). But he also wants powers and strength in the same way that Cas and Dean do; that is, primarily to protect everyone.

Jack doesn't appear to have the same status drive that Sam did as a young man.

And for that matter, neither does Mary. Like Sam, she wants a normal life in order to feel safe and secure, but she lacks the drive to impress others by Being a Success.

[autisticandroids]

Okay so this was a while back but im preety sure you had mentioned an au of yours where dean is a serial killer and cas successfully stalks him but i don't think you talked about it more than that and i just really want to hear a bit more bc that idea sounds so tastefully fucked up

okay so. weeks later i finally end up answering this ask. it inspired this post btw. anyway spn is a show that's like. all about justifications, as i said in the post inspired by this ask. it's about having no choice and doing what you have to do. and like there is the phantasy embedded in it, a phantasy that is both indulged and punished. but most importantly it's justified. the monsters are super strong to show how brave our heroes are for fighting them, the main characters let out great wails of grief every time their lady loves are violently ripped from them (even though now they are free to do whatever they want), the narrative twists to show our heroes as correct whatever they do. the fantasy (of being allowed to enact violence, of being free from feminine "control," of being right) comes first. the material construction of the universe of supernatural comes afterward. whatever the fantasy is, the universe of supernatural will provide material conditions to justify its acting-out.

and what this means is that our protagonists, dean in particular, are constantly doing just horrific things, which in any other circumstance would be unconscionable. but the universe of supernatural provides justification for these acts. the point of my serial killer au which i think about so so so much is to ask the question: what if these justifications melted out from under their feet? what if dean was left holding nothing but a lie and the weight of everything he's done?

therefore, the premise of my au is such (under the cut because this baby is long):

john and mary winchester, in the mid seventies, joined a doomsday cult known as the men of letters. the men of letters were rather unusual for a doomsday cult, in that they believed that the apocalypse could be prevented by human behavior. this started as correct living, correct worship, yadda yadda, the kind of behavior and thought control that cults are known for, but with the justification of: if you don't do this, the world will end. eventually, this escalated to human sacrifice. the men of letters managed to untraceably kill two homeless people in the late seventies. but they eventually fell apart. however, a month after john and mary left the men of letters (mostly john's choice, mary still believed), mary died in a house fire. john took it as a sign from god that actually, the men of letters were right, and the world would end unless john himself did something about it. so he took some of the (intensely numerological) theology of the men of letters. and he worked out his own formula. and he applied it to the yellow pages. and started ritualistically killed people to prevent the apocalypse, with his two sons in the back of the car.

now, obviously, this is some kind of grief induced temporary madness on john's part, shaped by the mental abuse he suffered in the men of letters. but the thing is, once you've killed a couple of people to prevent the apocalypse. well. there's this thing called the sunk costs fallacy. john wasn't gonna question his own beliefs after that.

and he raised his boys to believe it, too, or at least he raised dean to. they didn't tell sam what they did until he was twelve, and sam didn't buy it, tried to call the cops on them several times but in the end, they always prevented him. eventually sam ran off to stanford, where he now lives under a cloud of guilt that he's too loyal to his family to rat them out.

john died a few years back of a heart attack, but dean is convinced it's because he messed up a ritual two weeks before it happened, so it pushed him further into this belief system.

dean's killings (and john's before him) are ritualistic and distinctive, obviously the same killer each time. but they happen anywhere in the united states, seemingly at random, there are inconsistent amounts of time between each one (sometimes as short as days, sometimes as long as years), and there is no particular victim profile. obviously, since our killers are following an arcane mathematical formula to make their choices for them, but the police don't know that.

castiel novak is an unemployed shut-in with a small inheritance which he's living off of, a cryptography degree, and an obsession with all things morbid. he spends most of his time on the reddit true crime forums, playing amateur sleuth. by complete chance, he happens to recognize one of the symbols frequently used in corpse displays by the so-called sioux falls satanic slaughterer (so named because the first time three of his victims were in the same part of the country, it so happened that they were all in sioux falls, south dakota. this was in the late eighties.) as being mostly only used by a little known cult group called the men of letters, which dissolved in the mid eighties.

he only notices this because, as a teen, he had a special interest in cults and fringe religious groups. the men of letters weren't a particularly notable or well known phenomenon; they were small, and a lot like every other cult that formed during the seventies cult boom. (no outsider ever heard about the human sacrifice; there were rumors, of course, but they were garbled, sensationalized, and mixed up with satanic panic fodder.)

(the men of letters' two sacrifices were nothing particularly romantic or fantastical. they first lured panhandler josie sands back to their compound with promises of food and a warm bed when she admitted she couldn't get a bed at a shelter, and was thinking of getting caught shoplifting just so she could be under a roof in the county jail. the men of letters' leader, a man who took on the name alistair, forced his inner circle to dress in the ceremonial black robes he had given them when he initiated them into his nearest and dearest, and which his wife had sewn out of old bed sheets and dyed black with home made oak gall dye. these robes still left black smudges on the wearer's skin occasionally if they sweated too much. josie was laid, bound, on the altar, a slapdash thing constructed over the course of two days from scrap plywood and a couple of milk crates. a rich red tablecloth purchased at macy's for $3.99 hid its ugliness and gave it grandeur. alistair attempted to kill the struggling miss sands by bringing a sharpened kitchen knife down on her bosom and piercing her heart, but, having never killed a human or even slaughtered an animal before, was unaware of the problem presented by the human ribcage. after rather ineffectually poking at the area beneath sands' bosom with his knife while she shrieked in pain and terror for about ninety seconds, alistair tried a different tack, and slit her throat, which worked just fine, and she bled out quite nicely. the second and final victim of the men of letters was a local vagrant named larry ganem, an older gentleman who walked with a limp. he was lured back to the compound in approximately the same manner as sands, but instead of being bound, he was fed stew laced with sleeping pills. even if alistair hadn't slit his throat, he wouldn't have woken up. it's actually arguable whether he was still alive at time of sacrifice; mary winchester (eight months into her first pregnancy), who, as a member of the inner circle, was in attendance, actually tried to take ganem's pulse as he lay on the altar (now covered by a different tablecloth; the red one had turned stiff with sands' blood and been subsequently burned) and found nothing, so it is entirely possibly only sands' death can be directly laid at alistair's feet, and ganem's is the fault of mrs. ellen harvelle, who prepared the laced stew. regardless, these two deaths are lessons in the nature of human evil: it is very rarely skilled, suave, or smooth. it's often slapdash, half-hearted, and just plain incompetent. but that makes it no less grisly. alistair may have begun to drink his own kool-aid, as it were, and escalated this far out of genuine belief that the apocalypse was coming and it was up to him to stop it, but it is far more likely that he sensed the imminent collapse of his little empire, and wanted to bind his subjects to him through the horrors of shared guilt, considering two lives a small price to pay for the continued loyalty of his inner circle. and the tactic worked: the men of letters didn't start to collapse in earnest until almost four years later. perhaps if alistair had continued the killings, the men of letters could have lasted for far longer, maybe even up until the present day. but it seems that alistair, a psychiatrist by training and unused to violence, simply didn't have the stomach for it. unlike, say, john winchester, who before his time with the men of letters had done a two year tour in vietnam, during which he had killed three living, thinking human beings with the american government's go-ahead.)

anyway. castiel is the first person, ever, to make the connection between the men of letters and the sioux falls satanic slaughterer. and once that connection is made, castiel begins to research the men of letters far more in-depth. and he notices something: the theology of the men of letters was intensely numerological, filled with patterns, significant numbers, and even spiritual equations.

castiel thinks of the seemingly random selection of the slaughterer's victims, and has an epiphany.

he cracks all his fingers, and gets coding.

six months. it takes castiel six months to discover an equation that could fit the slaughterer's pattern. it's complex, but also clearly based on several of the men of letters' holy numbers, and accounts for every single one of the killings. it also suggests that there should have been two or three more deaths scattered across the years, but more than likely those did happen, it's just that they weren't reported as part of the slaughterer's portfolio.

but much more importantly, castiel's model can also make predictions. there will be two killings, fifteen days apart, in a city seven hours' drive away, six weeks from now.

so castiel waits. and he books a hotel room. and two months later, he's waiting outside 217 oak street when a shadowy figure climbs up a tree and lets itself into the upstairs window.

dean winchester is feeling particularly all alone in the world when he breaks into maisey banks' home (217 oak street). his father has been dead for half a decade, and he hasn't spoken to his baby brother for twice that. it's not like this whole grizzly saving the world business makes him a lot of friends. so once he's done killing maisey (which is easy, she was ninety three and dying of cancer anyway. she doesn't even wake up when he slits her throat) and arranging her corpse in the appropriate manner, with prayers and sigils, he turns around. and sees a man standing behind him.

smiling slightly.

as he watches dean gut this old woman.

dean freezes.

the man takes a step forward.

"you're very attractive for a serial killer who's been operating since the eighties."

dean is silent.

"family business, is it?"

silence continues.

"i'm not here to report you to police. i'm just here to see if my algorithm worked right."

and dean finally breaks his silence: "what the hell is wrong with you?"

what's fun here is that dean knows (or rather "knows") that he isn't a serial killer. so he finds what cas is doing, this amoral serial killer stormchasing, morally repugnant. because cas has no way of knowing he isn't a regular serial killer.

there's also the fact that that cas proceeds to flirt with him. aggressively. and follows him back to his motel.

but the thing is that dean is all alone in the world. and as cas continues trailing him around, he starts getting, well, flattered. and feeling a little bit less alone.

it doesn't take very long before they fall into bed. even if cas is an amoral stalker with a fetish for what dean considers a distasteful yet necessary vocation.

so. they fall into bed. they fall in love. they make a little life together, in dean's big sexy car. dean tries to explain to cas that he's saving the world. that these people's lives are a necessary price to pay. and cas seems to listen.

of course, castiel doesn't believe a word of it. but he's found that he likes dean. really likes him. and he realizes that the collapse of dean's belief system would destroy him.

so he sets about becoming as complicit in it as possible.

even to the extent where, when dean is hit by a car and ends up into the hospital a day before one killing is meant to take place, castiel agrees to take on the job. (he doesn't actually kill anyone, obviously. but he does use his extensive skill with computers to create three fake newspaper articles which make it look like he has.)

but five years later, something goes wrong. really, really wrong. dean miscalculates the formula. and by the time he checks his work, the actual date of the next kill, as demanded by the formula, has passed. in fact, so have three others. and the world didn't end.

dean collapses. he hyperventilates. all those people. all those people. for no reason. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people.

cas seems totally unfazed. dean stares at him in shock. but cas just takes dean in his arms, and whispers in his ear: "oh, dean, i never believed in the equation. i love you no matter what you've done."

and dean buries his face in cas' chest.

[goldenraeofsun]

Good Ideas

1.5k of canon-divergence fluff, now on AO3!

Dean is almost finished with his standard gun cleaning (once a week whether they need it or not) when footsteps approach from outside his bedroom door. Heavier than Eileen but lighter than Sam - must be Cas. 

“What an awful day,” Cas sighs as he practically throws himself onto Dean’s prized memory foam mattress. He doesn’t even take his shoes off first, like an animal.

“Hello to you, babe,” Dean says, amused. He raises his head to fully look at Cas, now face planted into his pillow. Dean would like to say it’s unusual to see Cas this drained and frustrated after another shift at the Gas n Sip, but it’s become pretty much standard. And, because not-that-deep-down Dean’s a shitty person who lucked out and got a (fallen) angel to fall for him, he can’t entirely squash the pleased feeling in his gut that flares up every time Cas comes home to him, no matter the circumstances.

“Hello, Dean,” or that’s what Dean assumes Cas is saying, based on their past million and a half conversations over more than a decade.

Dean carefully sets down his colt and pads over to the bed. He takes a seat near Cas’s shins, the mattress slowly but surely dipping as it remembers Dean’s distinctive ass print. “What happened?”

“Humanity is stupid.”

Dean snorts. “Don’t have to tell me twice. What’d humanity do this time?”

Cas turns his head so he can glare balefully down at Dean with one brilliant blue eye. “Todd refilled the soda machine incorrectly. We had to reimburse ten customers who poured the wrong drinks despite the clear signs indicating the buttons were temporarily incorrect.”

“What a disaster,” Dean deadpans.

Cas groans a stream of indistinguishable words that might not even be English - knowing him, he’s probably insulting Todd’s mother ancient Aramaic or something - before he concludes, “It was a very uncomfortable situation. Todd is an imbecile.”

“Want me to kill him for you?” Dean asks casually.

Cas’s whole torso inflates with the depth of his sigh. “No,” he says, but the word is muffled and has zero conviction behind it.

“Come on,” Dean pokes Cas in the thigh. “You were the one who wanted this job in the first place. All the ‘human dignity’ you could choke down and all that crap.”

“I must’ve been mistaken.”

“Whatever you say, man,” Dean says, grinning as Cas rolls over so he’s lying normally on Dean’s bed. “Y’know, you could always do something else. Quit the Gas n Sip.”

“Like what?” Cas asks as he frowns up at the ceiling. “I don’t have much experience except in inventory management and customer service.”

“What about all your angel stuff?”

“I can hardly list ‘former Angel of the Lord’ on my resume,” Cas grumbles.

“You’ve got all those languages crammed in your brain, serious hand-to-hand skills - I could teach you all I know about cars, and you can add that.”

Cas gives a considering grunt.

“Look,” Dean says as he scoots further up the bed so he’s more aligned with Cas’s chest than his knees. “You were the one who was all gung-ho about getting a job to interact with normal people.”

“I needed a better baseline now I’m human because you and Sam are not ‘normal’ by any definition of the word,” Cas sniffs.

“Rude. Anyway, I told you to take things slow. So your first stab back at slumming it with regular folks isn’t going so great. Sometimes these things take a while to settle down,” Dean says, uncomfortably reminded of the time he had to comfort Sammy after three piano lessons didn’t turn him into the next Geoff Nicholls - or Elton John, as Dean had to amend after Sammy shot him a look of complete incomprehension.

“You don’t have to throw yourself into anything,” Dean adds gently to Cas. “We’ve got no big bad waiting out in the wings. It’s okay to take things one step at a time.”

“Because you provide such an excellent model of restraint and forethought,” Cas mutters.

Dean rolls his eyes. “Obviously. You don’t see me jumping back into Leave it to Beaver.”

“Because that’s not what you want,” Cas says, his eyes narrowing. “You said civilian life isn’t for you.”

Dean swallows. He pulls at a wrinkle in the sheets. “You so sure about that?”

Cas props himself up on his elbows, intrigued. “You’re truly considering retiring from hunting?”

Dean glances over at his guns, disassembled and gleaming on his desk. “I’ve been thinking about it. Sammy doesn’t go on many hunts anymore, says it’s more important to teach the next generation of fighters than handling everything by ourselves.”

“A wise thing to say, considering the limitations of the average human lifespan.”

“And you wonder why we never bring you to parties,” Dean says as Cas scowls in return, really only proving Dean’s point. “I’ve been looking into other stuff to do.”

“Like what?”

“Not sure,” he admits. “Sam’s got his Hunter Hogwarts thing going on - I could help Sam out, but the thought of reading and assignments makes me want to throw myself out a window.”

“You do like to be more hands-on,” Cas says diplomatically.

Dean sighs, wistful. “If the Roadhouse was still around, I would’ve kicked ass there. Talking with veterans in the business, passing along intel, throwing out the occasional brawler.”

Cas cocks his head. “Why don’t you rebuild one?”

“What?”

“Another Roadhouse,” Cas says like it’s obvious. “Those hunters Sam is teaching, they will need another meeting point once they’ve completed their training.”

Dean gapes at him, trying not to get his hopes up. He can picture it with alarming clarity, him behind the bar, Cas sitting off to the side, pouring over the books or a translation for one of Sam’s kids.

But this thing with Cas is so new - rescuing Cas from the Empty, telling him haltingly and not in so many words Cas could have what he wanted after all, doing their weird not-dating thing that works for them. Dean can’t be sure they’re on the same page about this.

Cas is technically human, but so many parts of him are still pretty out there in terms of fitting in with normal people stuff. Dean suggested they go on an honest to God date about two weeks after that went down - dinner at a fancy place in Salina. He even looked it up on Yelp. But, naturally, Cas had to ask ahead of time what usually happened on a date - a real date, Dean, because Metatron’s pop culture dump gave me many false impressions of what is normal or healthy for humans. 

When Dean embarrassingly couldn’t think of a single thing people did on dates except eat and have sex, Cas went to Sam because apparently there are zero boundaries when it comes to Team Free Will. And Sam, like a total Samantha, said most people talked about their feelings and life goals.

To which Cas turned back to Dean, said those big, I love you, words like they’re nothing and everything, and added his life goal was not dying before spending the rest of his human life with Dean.

The fucker even looked pleased Dean didn’t have to shell out the dough for a fancy steak.

“You have enough connections in the community to round up a decent clientele base,” Cas continues. “Not to mention your reputation, which would go a long way towards drawing hunters you personally haven’t met before.”

Dean clears his throat. “You really think I could do something like that?”

Cas narrows his eyes. “I think you could do anything you set your mind to,” he says with that patented-Cas sincerity that Dean would call bullshit with anyone else. Cas continues, “Twenty-seven percent of restaurants fail in their first year, but I have every confidence in you beating the odds.”

Dean snorts. Even Cas’s Beautiful Mind statistics aren’t enough to bring his mood down.

“And if you need help…” Cas drifts off sheepishly, “I do have requisite experience managing inventory. I cut down on unsellable food by fifteen percent two weeks ago.”

“You’re a goddamn genius,” Dean breathes as he bends over Cas.

Cas smiles up at him. “Would you want to?”

“Would I - ?” Dean breaks off incredulously to kiss him. “Of couse I fucking want to. But you really think it’s a good idea?”

Cas purses his lips. “It was my suggestion in the first place.”

“But maybe you were just spitballing,” Dean hedges. “So if you really think restarting the Roadhouse would be a bad idea, I can take it.”

Cas wraps a hand around the back of Dean’s neck, pulling him closer. “I don’t have bad ideas, Dean,” he murmurs.

That is so blatantly untrue, Dean almost bursts out laughing. But before he can make a sound, Cas’s other hand slides underneath his shirt, his fingers tapping lightly against the buckle of Dean’s belt. Dean raises his head to catch sight of Cas's face, and Cas’s eyes are dark with want.

Alright, so in times like these, Dean can admit Cas can have a good idea or two.

[nancylou444]

Questions from a Heller because I’m actually curious and want to know your train of thought. I know Hellers only see the worst of wincest shippers, and wincest shippers only see the worst of Hellers, so this is my attempt to have both of us see the better sides of each other.

I do ship Destiel, though not inherently romantically (I have weird views on relationships that don’t work with common terminology, and I think that one can have close, meaningful, and intimate relationships without them necessarily being sexual or romantic). I do think Wincest is wrong, but, like, it’s fiction and trying to debate morality here is gonna end up being useless, because neither of us are gonna change our minds, so lets not bother to discuss that here and just accept it as a fundamental difference in morality.

One, why do you think Cas and Dean’s relationship is insignificant? I really disagree with you here because it’s shown time and time again throughout the show how much Dean cares for Cas. He’s stated that he thinks of Cas as family. Also, Cas has been shown to have significant relationships with other characters as well. Sam and Cas have had moments of bonding, and Mary called Cas one of her boys. So yeah I guess I’m asking what you think Cas’s role in the show is and how you view his relationships with other characters.

Two, what do you think changes Sam and Dean’s relationship into something other than brothers? They do clearly love each other very much, but I still see it as a brotherly relationship, and family bonds. Again, it’s possible to have deep and intimate relationships without romance or sex.

Three, because I haven’t seen it on your blog and I’m curious, what do you think of Jack, and his relationship with Sam and Dean and Cas?

Four, what do you dislike about Destiel that you think makes the ship deserving of hate? Not the fans, but the ship itself. I am aware that their relationship is not an ideal relationship by any means, but the same goes for pretty much all of the reoccurring relationships in the show, due to everyone’s trauma and mental health issues and the circumstances they’ve endured over the course of their lives. I am really big on the idea of healing, and being able to improve yourself and the relationships with your family and friends, and to me the appeal of Destiel is seeing how Cas and Dean can make each other better, how Cas shakes Dean out of the roles he’s played since he was a kid and forces him to confront the ways he sees himself, and how Dean has fundamentally changed Castiel and literally taught him how to be human, how to love.

Five. You liked the finale. I understand why. I hate the finale. Yes, Destiel is part of that. However, my main issue is the fact that Dean died, and it was framed as a happy ending, and the only way for him to have that. A very dangerous message for people with mental health issues. Jared has had the message of “Always Keep Fighting” for years, and I feel like Dean’s death contradicts that. He just gained free will, and he dies before he gets a chance to exercise it? I feel the “happy Heaven” ending is.. I’m not sure how to explain it but like, too easy? A cop-out? A way to avoid the difficult writing of starting Dean on the road to a happy life. I think Dean should have gotten a chance to actually live his life the way he always wanted to, and Sam should have been able to have his brother in his life. I don’t think either of them could have been happy with the tragedy of the other’s death. What is your opinion on Dean’s death, and, if positive, why do you think so? What is your response to the suicidal undertones of Dean’s death? If you wanna know my preferred ending then tell me, this is getting too long for me to get into that.

I do admit that sometimes the fans can be stupid, but the same thing can be said about wincest shippers and practically any group. Also, Hellers are only gonna hear about the worst of wincest shippers, and wincest shippers are only gonna hear about the worst of Hellers, so both of us have clouded views on each other, and that’s why discussion is important. I’ve mostly seen good things from Hellers. I know your point of view is different. That’s why I’m asking to for your side of things, and attempting to explain mine.

Again, I’m simply curious as to your point of view, and do not mean to attack you in any way.

The only reason I didn’t delete this, is because I know it took a lot of time and thought, and I can respect that. 

Having said that, I’m not going to spend that much time responding to all of this. I’m just going to hit a few things. 

1. Cass and Dean don’t have a ‘relationship’. They barely had a friendship at the end. Cass’ confession was more about fanservice and Misha selling merchandise than about love. 

2. Are you asking me to explain FANON WINCEST? Because CANON wincest is right there in the show. 

3. I liked Jack for the most part. I think Sam was his main ‘caregiver’ so to speak. As for his relationship to Dean and Cass, I didn’t give it much thought. 

4.  to me the appeal of Destiel is seeing how Cas and Dean can make each other better  how Cas shakes Dean out of the roles he’s played since he was a kid and forces him to confront the ways he sees himself, You have got to be kidding me. Cass makes Dean better? How? Cass has done NOTHING to alter Dean’s love for SAM. And that is Dean’s focus in life. 

I notice that you seem to skim over the CANON times where Cass beat Dean.  

5. Did Dean put himself on the rebar? Oh Dean has killed himself a few times in the show, but they were always for SAM. His death in the finale was NOT suicide. Nor were there any ‘undertones’ of suicide. 

The show began with Sam and Dean. The show has always been about Sam and Dean. The show should have and DID end with Sam and Dean together. 

Not to be rude, but I’m sure your ‘preferred ending’ involved Cass and probably Eileen, and I don’t give a crap about it. Save that fanfic for YOUR blog. 

I’ve mostly seen good things from Hellers. Of course you have, maybe you need to step out of your bubble and see how REAL destiehellers act. 

[amwritingmeta]

The point that Mary and John were forced together because Michael wanted his vessel is a misconception: canonically you cannot spark love in two people who would have hated each other under any other circumstance. This is clarified in S8 where Cas needs a Cupid’s bow to close the gates of Heaven. Heaven cannot FORCE, it can only manipulate a desired outcome. They WOULD have loved each other, but it needed to happen THEN not later, which is why it was manipulated.

Ignoring how canon has then elaborated on John and Mary, as Dean’s perspective on them both and himself has grown and shifted, does no one any good. Mary thought John a great father—because he was, before grief and guilt and fear tore him apart. Was he a drunk and an asshole—yes. Did Dean forgive him. Yes, he did. Canonically. So if you’re projecting your opinion on what Dean should do based in anything but what canon has told us Dean has done—which is heal and move on—just please reconsider.

Mary didn’t tell John she was a hunter because she wanted to leave that life behind, cut all ties and raise a family in safety (a mirror of Sam), but she came back in S12 to learn what running away from who you truly are does to a person: she was always protector first, but closing down one side to her wasn’t entirely healthy. She wanted to save people. It’s what she was raised to do. Of course, the shock of two grown sons sent her fleeing from her mothering side into her hunter side and everything she did to protect her boys blew up in her face. She was finding equilibrium when she was brought back to where she would be complete: to Heaven, and John. It was her reward for trying and learning. Because John—canonically—is her soulmate.

I understand John was a bastard. But underneath it all is an enormously strong Dean mirror because John always sat at the root of Dean’s self-perception, who he strove to be, and who he thought he had to be. Without John being the General, stepping into his marine past in order to hunt down answers of what killed Mary and why and at the same time protect his sons, we would have had no story. Which is why I can forgive John his flaws and the trauma he caused. In the end there is nothing that tells us he didn’t do all of it out of sincere love for his boys, out of a fear of losing them, and being unable to protect them, like how he was unable to protect Mary. Again—Dean mirror. And this came out in Dean when he was going all control freak trying to protect Lisa and Ben. She even told him he was scaring her. That’s John. Overprotective to the point of being brutal for the sake of keeping the people he cares about, those he loves, out of harms way. An oxymoron, but a multi-layered one.

Is it okay to get drunk and take your anger out on your boys? Nope. But if John is unforgivable, so is Dean, for how he treated Jack. And I don’t think acting out of fear-based guilt and anger is unforgivable. I think it’s human.

The good sides to Dean are all John as well, especially that heart of his. All that loyalty and tenacity and fierce love. Circumstances brought out sides to John that were trained for war, because it was the only shield John had against a world he thought he’d known that had been completely turned upside down. And the real him, the non-performing him, had to be pushed down.

John and Mary are both mixing in either of their boys. Good and bad, for better and worse. And that’s real and believable and enticing and a fucking head-exploding-mind-blowing character portrait. And I’m really curious what the plans for this prequel are.

[katsidhe]

Sam and Dean Breakups, Part Two: Involuntary

Part One: Voluntary

Sorted by how much longer I think they should have lasted. 

Unlike in part one, pretty much all of these involve Sam or Dean dealing with either possession or grief, which adds additional flavor of

5.22-6.01/6.12/6.22 (Sam in the Cage): a year/a year and a half, one/twelve/twenty-two episodes. Perfect. Chef’s kiss. We get both a long time of Dean without a part of Sam, and a long time of getting to know this significant, different part of Sam. Which all builds delightfully to a crescendo when we finally get Sam back fully—and even then, his memories form yet another barrier. Getting him back in pieces wonderfully, brilliantly permits us to still have Sam present while simultaneously preserving focus on the length and enormity of his absence, and of the Cage’s impact. S10 and s14, take fucking notes: this is how you emphasize offscreen transformation while keeping your characters visible. 

15.20 (Sam after Dean’s death): probably around forty years, part of one episode. I, personally and privately, want to read several different large sets of novel-length fics about Sam’s life after Dean’s death. Under absolutely no circumstances do I want any of these reified as canon. Let Sam’s recovery be nebulous; let it be under perpetual construction; let it be blurry and private and vague; let him build it in a place we can’t see and can’t reach.  

3.11 (Mystery Spot): one day/nine months, one episode. Imagining this as two episodes instead of one is delightful, I will admit. However, I prefer the horror of it contained to just one episode, to really drive home the insignificance of this to everyone but Sam. An event with such horrific and outsize impact on him is contained to what, for the rest of the world, is just one Tuesday. Instead of it becoming an event like 2.21 that Dean externalizes, that is dragged out and explored for an additional episode and then an additional year, 3.11 is totally internal, and not something Sam mentions again.  

2.21 (Sam in Cold Oak): three days, one and a half episodes. Seeing Sam apart from Dean in strange circumstances and yet confident, in his element, is so enjoyable that I’d gladly see this extended. This would also serve to ease how abrupt the ramp-up to the Azazel confrontation is--allow more time to flesh out the idea of demon hunger games. One thing I don’t think requires extension is how long Sam actually spends dead. The brevity of the interruption, how quickly Dean makes his decision, is kinda the point. 

2.14 (Sam possessed by Meg): two weeks, one episode. Similar to Mystery Spot—lots of character impact contained to just one episode, a lot of Sam internalizing. But here, I think the story could have benefitted from more separation: dwelling on Sam alone rather than only on Dean’s reaction to him, lending additional horror to Sam’s true predicament rather than only to Dean’s fears of him ~going bad~, and giving s2 a greater sense of urgency and direction. 

3.16-4.01 (Dean in Hell): four months, less than an episode. Much as I would have personally enjoyed the impact of an additional episode of Dean’s absence, the structure of s4 is such that Sam’s team-up with Ruby is revealed gradually: s4 is told expressly from Dean’s POV, as he struggles with suppressing and then remembering Hell, and discovering Sam’s extracurriculars. To change this would be to change our perception of the manner in which Dean experiences these events. Even so, the significance of Hell to Dean is not dealt with the way it is with Sam, nor is Dean’s absence or Sam’s grief particularly keenly felt. Putting Hell onscreen is a bad idea, and yet having Sam and Dean split up and apart from each other for longer in the beginning of season 4 would please me. Sam apart from Dean and training to kill demons with Ruby, versus Sam apart from Dean and trying to recover with Amelia: united in their forbiddenness, united in their othering.  

7.23-8.01 (Dean in Purgatory): one year, less than an episode. One problem with extending this is that there would be longer Purgatory scenes, and Purgatory is objectively extremely boring. And I can, to some extent, appreciate the structure of s8 as-is: with flashbacks illustrating their lost year and with the emphasis on the lack of understanding between Sam and Dean. But I can’t help but feel that this point would have been illustrated more effectively without the flashback structure, or at the very least with less of it--if instead, we’d gotten a few episodes in the beginning showing Sam’s collapse and subsequent recovery with Amelia, alongside Dean’s friendship with Benny and issues with Cas. The flashbacks add a tone that removes urgency, since we know so clearly and explicitly how everything ends up. It’s basically a less deft version of s4′s structure, which I’m also on the fence about: and there, at least, the mystery was both a benefit for the audience and representative of how Dean was processing, neither of which is really true in s8. S8 needed better integration of the reality of Dean and especially Sam’s separate lives. 

11.23-12.02 (Sam abducted by the BMoL): a few days, two and a half episodes. Sam should have stayed abducted longer. It was definitely the high point of s12, and of the BMoL’s status as villains. I think that Sam having to deal with the BMoL from within their internal structures would have been really fun, and a nice change of pace! Like, arguing his way out from under a bureaucracy, or even letting Sam be persuaded on the effectiveness of their tactics from within the institution—it would have made the BMoL both more distinct and more frightening. Also, look, it’s just plain fun that Sam’s being tortured and thinks Dean is dead, who actually wants that party to end?? 

13.23-14.02 (Dean possessed by Michael): around a month, one and a half episodes. What a missed opportunity. Every day I wake up and I weep for what s14 could have been. The secret good s14 that lives in my head is episode after episode after EPISODE of Jack, Sam, Nick, and Cas all coping with each other and with Dean’s absence. The tangible effects of the events of 13.23 require time to unwind, and they require that Dean not be around: I want to see Sam dealing with victory, with grief, with leadership, and with a mission; I want Sam and Nick to accidentally get locked in some room in the bunker together; I want family dinner with all four of them. I want Jack to yell at Sam. I want Dean to cope with possession in a way more lasting and meaningful than bouts of dizziness; I want Sam to cope with how he imagines Dean might be coping. This is the most ripe for conflict and recovery and pain that the show has ever been in Dean’s absence, prove me wrong. And it was squandered. 

[samdeancass]

Going Solo

Requested by: ol1veralltheway on Wattpad.

Pairing: Sam x daughter!reader (platonic)

Genre: Fluff, slight Angst

Characters: Sam, Y/N, Jess, Dean, Cas

Description: Y/N is out on her first solo hunt and she has found a spirit in California. However, when she arrives to gank the spirit, she gets more than she bargained for.

“DAD! I’m going now!”

You were putting the final things in your duffel bag ready for your first solo hunt. You were feeling a mixture of excitement and nervousness but you knew that you were more than ready to head out by yourself, especially when you’ve been trained by Sam and Dean Winchester, the two best hunters in the world.

You zipped up your duffel, slung it over your shoulder and headed out of your door towards the war room. Sounds of multiple footsteps started to head towards you and you braced yourself for an emotional goodbye. You placed the duffel on the table and turned around to face the three men who stood behind you.

Your uncle and Cas were standing on either side of Sam, proud but saddened smiles on their faces. Your dad, on the other hand, was taking it a little harder. Tears were already forming in the corners of his eyes as he took in your whole appearance: flannel shirt, jeans and a pair of sturdy boots, complete with the amulet that Dean wore all those years ago.

Sam gave a watery smile before walking towards you, engulfing you into a hug. He kissed the top of your head and looked you dead in the eyes, as if he was taking in your facial features for his lasting memory. 

“Promise me, baby, you’ll be careful. I really can’t lose anybody else to this life.” You nodded slowly and gave your father one last hug before grabbing your duffel off the table and heading towards Dean and Cas. “Take care of him, please. He’s going to need you to lean on while I’m gone. And don’t let him worry too much. After all, I’ve had the two best hunters train me and I’ll always have an angel by my side.” You gave Cas a little wink which caused his cheeks to blush a little. 

Walking back past your father, you gave him one last hug before entering the garage and heading towards your car, slinging the duffel into the backseat. You got into the car and placed both hands on the steering wheel, letting out a deep breath to calm your nerves. You knew that you’d be nervous about your first hunt, but you couldn’t let that get in the way of the job. You turned the key in the ignition and revved the engine before driving out of the garage and towards California, where your first case was situated.

You rolled into the motels parking lot and exited the car, unbuttoning the top button of your shirt. You had just questioned a witness who swore blind that they seen a blonde haired ghost in a university dorm room, but you just couldn’t see it. You needed advice and who better to turn to than your dad and uncle. You entered your hotel room and threw your belongings on the bed before sitting at the table and dialling your dads number.

Sams phone vibrated on the table and your name flashed on the screen. Immediately, Sam leaped forward and answered the call, placing you on loudspeaker. “Hello? Y/N, are you ok?” Dean leaned forward on the table, defensiveness taking over his posture. “I’m fine, I just need some advice.” Sam and Dean both fell back against their chairs with relief and let out breaths they hadn’t realised they were holding. “Ok, what have you got?”

Once you had explained the basics of the case to the brothers, Sam made sure to put your mind at rest. “It sounds like a simple salt and burn to me, Y/N. Where did you say your case was?” “In Cali, Stanford University to be exact. Isn’t that where you went for a while, dad?” 

Sam and Deans heads both shot up to look at each other as realisation washed over their faces. “Yes, sweetheart. But listen...” “Ok, Dad. I’ve gotta go, I’m burning daylight.” Before Sam could respond, the line went dead. Sam looked up at Dean with a stern look on his face. “We have to go. NOW.” 

After doing a little more research, you felt confident about the case you were on. You drove into the parking lot of the University before surveying your surroundings. There weren’t many students around which made it easier for you to slip in and out unnoticed. You got out of the car and headed into the building, anxiety starting to creep into your body. As you walked up the winding staircase, you could slowly feel the air getting colder which was a tell tale sign of a ghostly presence. Grabbing your iron knife in your palm, you slowly crept up the rest of the staircase towards the haunted dorm room.

Your hand wavered above the doorknob, your heart beating wildly in your chest. You let out a deep breath and opened the door, revealing an empty bedroom surrounded in darkness. You reached around the wall and switched on the light but your breath was took away by something in the corner of the room.

“Step on it, Dean! We’re gonna be too late if you keep driving like an old man!” 

Dean shot Sam an angry look before pressing harder on the accelerator, pushing the car to go faster and faster down the winding highway with rain splashing against the windshield.

“Sam, do you really think it could be her? It’s been nearly 20 years. Surely it can’t be.”

Sam sighed and looked out of the window. “I don’t know, Dean. But every inch of my body is telling me that something isn’t right.”

Your mouth hung open in shock as the figure turned around to reveal somebody that you had only seen in photos with your dad. “Jessica? Jessica Moore?” The blonde hair gently cradled her features, even as she walked slowly towards you. Your hand gripped the knife tighter and your heart was hammering against your ribcage as Jess edged closer and closer towards you.

She was stood toe to toe with you as she narrowed her eyes at you, taking in every inch of your features. She lifted a hand to your cheek and rubbed her thumb across it, causing a sharp shiver to run down your spine. She smiled gently before stepping back slightly.

“You remind me of someone. Somebody I loved a long time ago. Sam Winchester. He was the best man I had ever known, but he didn’t tell me what was really going on in the world, in his life, which is what got me killed right in this room.” Jess looked up at the ceiling and grimaced slightly as the memories of that fateful night haunted her. “I was killed, by a demon that was out to get Sam. I was just in the way, so he just murdered me with the flick of his finger.” 

She walked across the room and sat on the corner of the bed, her head hung low. Your face saddened as you seen her broken form slouched over. You slowly edged away from the wall and walked over to Jess, sitting right beside her.

“I know what happened to you, my father told me all about it. He told me about you. You were the most important person to him, he still thinks about you all the time.” Jess turned to look at you, confusion littering her features. “He regrets not telling you about his life because if he did, he knows that you would still be alive now.” Realisation slowly revealed itself on Jess’s face as you kept talking. “Jess, Sam Winchester is my father.”

Rage took over the confusion as Jess slammed you against the wall, knocking the blade out of your hand. You could feel your throat slowly closing up as Jess walked towards you, her hands magically squeezing. “Why did he get to live his life whilst I was stuck here, not able to do anything?! I’M DEAD BECAUSE OF HIM SO NOW I’M GOING TO MAKE HIM PAY! I’M GOING TO KILL THE ONE PERSON HE HOLDS DEAR!” 

Your throat tightened some more as Jess squeezed tighter. You were struggling to breathe, your vision turning blurry. You were nearly dead when two large figures burst through the door and shots were fired.

Sam looked around the room and found you slumped on the floor, gasping for breath. He ran over and knelt down beside your shaking frame, placing his hand on your back. 

“Hey, I’m here now. You’re ok.” You slowly sat up and engulfed your dad in a hug, crying into his chest. He kissed the top of your head and ran his fingers through your hair in an effort to calm you down. 

“Guys, we really need to go before she comes back. We need to salt and burn her bones.” Sam nodded and slowly helped you to your feet, you leaning on him for support. As you were both walking towards the doorway, the air began to get colder and you knew that your dad had noticed the change to. He stiffened slightly and pushed you the rest of the distance towards the door.

“Go with Dean, Y/N. I’ll be fine.” You looked at him, wide-eyed and frightened as Dean gathered you in his arms. “You guys salt and burn her bones, I’ll keep her busy. It’s me that she wants.” 

Dean hesitated slightly before nodding, running down the staircase with you in his arms. Sam let out a deep breath and turned around ready to face the one person he never wanted to see in this way.

Sam flinched as the door slammed shut behind him and the ghostly figure appeared before him. He let out a soft cry as he seen her walking towards him, her blonde hair flowing behind her. He was absolutely speechless, he never expected to see her again, let alone like this. 

She walked towards him, smiling softly. Tears began to fall down Sams cheeks which she quickly wiped away. “My Sammy, I never thought I’d see you again.” She placed her hand against his cheek which he leaned in to, even though it was icy cold.

He placed his hand on top of hers and rubbed his thumb over the skin. “I wish it was under better circumstances. I never thought I’d be the one to kill you a second time.” 

Jess’s soft expression soon turned to anger as Sam finished his sentence. She grabbed him by the throat and threw him against the wall, taking the breath out of him. She flew up to his crumpled form and forced him to look at her. “I was killed the first time because of you, and your lies. If you had told me what was really going on, I would still be alive. We could have had a life together, Sammy, just me and you. But you picked your brother over me and left me here alone to die.”

Sam shook his head as cries wracked his body. She was telling him everything that he already knew, the thoughts that had been plaguing him for years. “I’m sorry, Jess. I just wanted to protect you from that life, I wanted to live normally with the girl that I loved. You are the love of my life, Jess, and you always will be.”

He looked up at her through watery eyelashes and he seen her posture deflate a little. However, this didn’t last long as she began to attack again, the rage taking over her body. Pain soared through every inch of Sams body as Jess attacked him.

His vision was beginning to blacken when screams filled the room. Sam hesitantly looked up to find Jess’s spirit burning in flames, indicating that you and Dean had burned her bones. Sam let out a sigh of relief and got to his feet, limping out of the room.

The rumble of the Impala engine abruptly stopped when you and Dean both arrived back at the University. You immediately spotted your dads figure in the entrance of the building and flew out of the car towards him. 

Your body collided with his, causing him to grunt in pain. You looked up at him with worry in your eyes but his small smile told you he was Ok. Dean ran up beside you and flung Sams arm over his shoulder.

“Boy, I never thought you would get beaten up by a girl.” You shot Dean a dirty look before whacking him upside the head. Sam and you both chuckled as Dean whispered something under his breath. You and your dad slid into the backseat as Dean sat in the front.

“So, you wanna tell us what happened in there?” Sam closed his eyes and shook his head, letting out shaky breaths. “No. There are some things that she said that have really messed me up. I need to think about them before I can tell either of you.” 

Both you and Dean nodded in understanding. Music blasted out of the speakers as Dean turned the key in the ignition and drove out of the parking lot. 

You never thought that your first solo hunt would end up with you meeting the ghost of your dads ex-girlfriend who was killed by the demon who hunted him down. You were thankful that your dad had called you when he did, otherwise you didn’t know what would have happened to you. 

[jjongleurs]

That scene in 10x9—when Sam, Dean, and Cas are at the bar talking about their dads because Cas is trying to do right by Clair but is having a hard time doing so—is just... I don’t know. The fact that they’re just hanging out, talking, reminiscing, opening up. It’s sweet, and I wish we had more moments like that. 

While I love the fact that they’re just talking, the fact that Sam and Dean are talking about John freaking Winchester positively when it comes to his parenting? NO. I could rant about how the writers just... heavily missed the mark with this scene, but I’m just gonna roll with it and try to fit it into the good version of Supernatural that only exists in my head. 

This scene just shows me just how badly John treated them, honestly. They just don’t realize what a good parent is. Dean says he loved his dad more than anything, but that love really is just attachment and dependency. There was never any sense of stability in their lives other than it was just the three of them in the impala. No home, no friends, no other figures or role models (other than Bobby, who was more of a father than John ever was, but that’s a different post to be written). Dean says he loved his dad, but he feared him, emulated him, and idolized him because of the circumstances of his life.

He thinks back fondly on the time John managed to find him at CBGBs, but what he fails to realize is that John was the one to put him in that position anyway. Dean sought out that experience out of rebellion. John said what he could and couldn’t do from the time he was 4 years old onwards. From assigning him weapons training at Bobby’s (which Bobby thankfully said fuck that and just played ball with him, giving him a rare opportunity to just be a kid), to assigning him the duty of being Sam’s caretaker and guardian. Dean always had instructions, a role, a duty. He never got to be his own person. He was exactly who his dad wanted him to be. And he ultimately just wanted to please his dad. He took up the same vices, same interests, same demeanor, same wardrobe, etc. He rebelled in the only way he could, and John still found him. 

Then dean talks about people at CBGBs fearing John and laughs about the really intimidating guy with piercings and tattoos saying, “Sorry, sir.” to John. If a grown ass man responded with fear to John, how the hell did Dean feel? He was still a child when this happened, and he’s remembering it now as an adult. He’s remembering it with a nostalgia, a distance, probably some distortion from time. I can guarantee Dean was scared out of his mind, drunk as he was, especially to be as drunk as he was and still remember it all. 

Then Cas says, “He saved you.” And yes, Dean was in a very dangerous situation, and yes, John did technically save him. Who knows what could have happened to Dean that night. But Cas is an angel, and he doesn’t know what it’s like to be a father (yet) or what it’s like to be a child. John did save Dean, but he put him in that situation. John didn’t give Sam or Dean a normal life or any normal ways to rebel or to even just have fun. Had John just... done right by his sons and continued giving them the typical, boring life most people have (NOT the one that involves hunting dangerous things and putting his own life and that of his sons on the line every single day), Dean rebelling would have looked like.. sneaking out of his window to see a boy or a girl he liked or drinking his vodka with friends and replacing it with water or taking the Impala for a random joyride or dying his hair, getting a piercing, getting a stick and poke or just any other typical teenage act of rebellion. The more healthy kind of rebellion. 

John told him, in response to Dean saying he hated him, “It’s not my job to be liked. It’s my job to raise you right.” Well, John failed at both spectacularly. He raised traumatized, repressed, dysfunctional, depressed, anxious, self-loathing, co-dependent sons with no sense of their emotions or healthy coping mechanisms that find no value in their life other than hunting and looking out for each other. And Dean knows this. He doesn’t believe a word he or Sam are saying. Maybe Sam believes it, because Dean shielded him his whole life and was a far better father than John ever could be, but Dean only pretends he does. You can see it written all over his face, the distant look in his eyes, the way he sips at the glass of whiskey distractedly. John was never a father to them and he never made the effort. He never made them feel loved or supported. He never taught them to just... be people. 

John didn’t raise his sons, he trained hunters, soldiers. There was no love there, only duty and dependency on family. Their love was inherently dysfunctional because of John’s selfish need for revenge. Instead of loving his sons twice as much and committing to give them a good life after their mom died, he went on a lifelong revenge trip to kill the demon responsible. He was an awful, selfish, abusive father and Sam and Dean are his victims. Maybe John wasn’t an absent father in the same way God/Chuck was to Castiel—physically absent, but he was emotionally absent. He never behaved like a father, and Sam and Dean don’t hardly know any better.

[according-to-the-laura]

StackedNatural Day 36: 2x05, 13x03

StackedNatural Masterpost: [x]

October 26, 2021

2x05: Simon Said

Written by: Ben Edlund

Directed by: Tim Iacofano

Original air date: October 26, 2006

Plot Synopsis:

Sam and Dean meet Andy Gallagher, a slacker with psychic powers of persuasion. Once the brothers learn that Andy's family was visited by the Demon, Sam wonders if he could be one of the special children.

Features:

The second of Azazel’s other special children, mind control, Baby get’s stolen, separated twins, more lore on the psychic kids.

My Thoughts:

I love the special kids plot. It’s a shame it didn’t get used more in the long term, although if the trade off was special kids or Cas I pick Cas every time.

I just love Sam trying so hard to be a good person but secretly believing that he’s evil, and Dean trying so hard to convince him that he’s not. It’s a nice reversal where whenever they meet a psychic kid, Dean has to be the one believing the best of the “monster” while Sam is left being afraid of the worst.

I love an episode that involves Ash and Jo, even if they’re barely in it. I love Andy, who I wish would just be their little sidekick forever.

While watching this episode on my lunch break I wrote:

Guy whose only read DTA: “Getting a lot of DTA vibes from this”

And honestly reading it back now in the evening I don’t really remember exactly what I was going for with this. Some stuff from Game of God, if anyone else is a DTA-er.

Also, not to be evil, but I have a twin and if I was separated from her at birth I would probably also go crazy and commit a bunch of crimes.

Notable Lines:

“You're not a murderer, Sam! You don't have it in your bones.”

“Dean, you had O.J. convicted before he got out of his white Bronco and you have doubts about this?”

“The man with the yellow eyes. [...] He came to me. In my dream. He said I was special. He told me he's got big plans for me.”

“Right circumstances, everyone's capable of murder. Everyone. You know, maybe that's what the demon's doing. Pushing us. Finding ways to break us.”

“This isn't just your war, this is war. Now, something big and bad's coming and it's coming fast, and their side holds all the cards. Now, at best all we got is us. Together.”

Laura’s (completely subjective) Episode Rating: 8.7

IMdB Rating: 8.6

13x03: Patience

Written by: Robert Berens

Directed by: Robert Singer

Original air date: October 26, 2017

Plot Synopsis:

A wraith kills her friend and Missouri enlists the help of Dean and Jody to protect her granddaughter, Patience, and could be next on the wraith's hit list. Sam continues to work with Jack to control his powers.

Features:

A message from Kelly, the triumphant return and demise of Missouri Mosely, Sam and Jack training regimen, Patience is introduced and attacked at school, Jack wakes up Cas.

My Thoughts:

Today Stacked really said, “today we’re talking about psychic kids and how Sam is a freak”, and I love this.

I didn’t like this episode as much as Simon Said. It suffers from some of the later season issues like pacing and colouring, etc. However, it does have Jack and Patience, both of whom I love, AND Jody refers to Claire as her daughter, so overall it’s a win for me.

Like ten minutes into this episode @meg3point0 said “Who directed this one? Is it Singer? [...] He’s been directing for 13 years and never got better, huh?”. She fully clocked him. Although any time she doesn’t like the way an episode is directed she asks if it’s Singer, so she was bound to get one eventually. Law of large numbers. In this one though, he really overdid it with the flashes to Patience’s vision. I think Singer’s problem is that he has no faith in his audience understanding what’s going on plot wise or emotionally, so he hammers a point home way too hard.

I wish we’d gotten to see Sam on this case. The show remembers the demon blood but forgets the visions and stuff from the first 3 seasons and I want to know if the wraith would have smelled Sam’s latent abilities. It would have added some extra danger for Dean that I would have enjoyed.

Jack makes me so sad in this episode. Soon the widower arc will be over and Dean will stop torturing him. Kelly was such a good mom and she didn’t even get the chance to really be one.

I love Sam reading parenting books for Jack. There are SO MANY parallels between Sam and Jack with feeling like they killed their moms and not being able to control their powers. It’s too bad that they kind of drop Sam as a parental figure to Jack when Cas comes back and Dean steps up.

Notable Lines:

“Jack, don’t let anyone tell you who you’re supposed to be. Because who you’re supposed to be isn’t fate, it isn’t me, it isn’t your father. You are who you choose to be. And I know you’re going to be okay. You are going to be amazing. You have an angel watching over you.”

“Because I know what it feels like, to feel like you don’t belong. To feel like there’s this darkness inside of you, to be scared of who you are, what you can do.”

“This life, hunting, monsters, there’s no joy in it. There’s nothing but pain, horror and death. So if you get a chance at normal, you take it.”

“Dad told you to put a bullet in me, but you didn’t!”

Laura’s (completely subjective) Episode Rating: 7.5

IMdB Rating: 8.2

In Conclusion: Give me all the psychic kids I love them deeply.

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[alpha0shadow]

Reverse verse idea

Something I really want is a good reverse verse or reverse au of Supernatural.  I don’t know how I haven't found one but it seems like no one is writing any hunter!Cas, angel!Dean, or Angel/Demon!Sam in the respective roles they should have in the show.  

I hate putting my own shit out for people to see and I haven’t written anything in years so this’ll be absolute garbage but the only way others might see this and hopefully do the REALLY hard work for me is if I get the ball rolling so….

Here’s how I imagine Castiel’s background as a human hunter:

Like most human!Cas fics, I see most of the angels as being his close and distantly related family who all make up the Men of Letters. There are other hunters who maybe come and go and MoL who aren’t related to Cas, but I see this as the “family business.” The Novaks (cause I’m uncreative) are made up of Chuck, Michael, Lucifer, Gabriel, Anna, Balthazar, and Castiel. Distant cousins, aunts, and uncles are made up of the other angels. Growing up, Castiel didn’t have a normal childhood, but it wasn’t filled with the doom and gloom one would probably assume a MoL family to have.  He was closer to Gabriel, Balthazar, and Anna than his other family which is great because only they seem to catch his sense of humor and he loves being the secret weapon to most of Gabriel and Balthazar’s antics against the other MoL in the bunker. Castiel was homeschooled, like all of his siblings, and found his days filled with texts on all manner of creatures, folklore, and rituals that were drilled into his head which he picked up much faster than any of his other siblings, much to Michael and Lucifer’s annoyance.  He also has his basic education, courtesy of his weird uncle Metatron who runs the MoL archives.  MEtatron made sure all of the kids had as much of a “normal” education as possible, especially in the Literature department. The rest of Castiel’s younger years were filled with play fighting and learning the basic skills of caring and preparing for weapons, health kits, vehicles, and items for spells and protection. 

Suddenly, the MoL is overrun by demons and other supernatural entities that were easily coerced into attacking the MoL by the demons.  It’s a massacre and the MoL that escape are forced into hiding.  Castiel’s mother or Chuck (haven’t decided which or who his mom would even be) is killed protecting him as a distraction while Gabriel grabs Cas and runs. With their family in the wind, Cas and Gabriel are forced to fend for themselves for a time where they grow even closer through the trauma of the attack and the hardships of living on their own.  Eventually, they are found by Michael who brings them back to a smaller and harsher order of the MoL, of which Michael is in charge.  Under Michael's careful and ruthless planning, younger members are sent out on hunts and those that come back are not the same, physically and mentally.  Lucifer, the second-in-command, is a loose cannon but prefers to be in charge of combat and weapons training.  He is especially hard on his siblings and Cas received the worst of it, under the impression that his older brother only wants him to learn faster to better protect himself.  

Castiel’s first kill is a demon.  He cries and throws up afterward because he knows that the woman the demon possessed was still in there.  It changes something in Cas.  He’s not too different in regular circumstances.  He still smiles and laughs with his siblings and enjoys new shows with Samandriel and discovering new spells with Metatron but on hunts, as the cases start to pile up and more lives are lost, he becomes more ruthless and cold. The only focus is destroying the ghost, vampire, werewolf, or whatever the fuck is killing people.  Gabriel is always there to pull him out.

One day, Castiel and Gabriel are on a case where they meet a man who says that he has had a demon sighting.  WIth his help, Cas and Gabriel find a small demon organization and clean up shop. After a thorough background check and several supernatural checks, Sam is welcomed into the MoL and the Novak clan.  

It is unfortunate that there are not any checks to identify a King of Hell of Sam’s caliber though.

Having infiltrated their ranks, Sam makes quick work of sowing discord through the MoL leading to unnecessary deaths in easy cases and ambushes of carefully vetted safehouses. To Cas, it’s just another shitty day as a hunter, but the unusual circumstances surrounding these cases puts him off. However, Cas, Gabriel, and Sam have become fast friends and it’s hard to start accusing a man of such diabolical deeds when you see him as your closest friend, after your siblings. 

Through some means, Sam shows his hand and the attempt to destroy or subdue him leads to casualties and afterward Gabriel goes missing.  Castiel isn’t worried he’s been kidnapped, as Gabriel keeps in the barest amount of contact with only him, but he does start to become concerned when Sam starts appearing around every corner hinting at some horrible fate awaiting him when he sees Gabriel again.  

Sam, as it turns out, is not a man, or King of Hell, easy to shake. No matter the time or place, Sam makes his presence known to Castiel in some strange semblance of the man he pretended to be when they were friends. In fact, Sam brings him gifts that are useful and rare for spells that he’ll eventually need for a hunt or a rare item that Cas was researching on a whim one night.  And maybe he should be worried about what this means about his safety, but after the last attack against Sam, most of the MoL are uneasy around him so Cas is prone to keeping to himself at a cabin he repurposed for his own use and he isn’t used to being alone for so long.

Things happen….Cas is at his lowest point. Gabriel isn’t answering his calls and the rest of his family, except for Balthazar and Anna who try to stay in contact under the radar, is barely speaking to him.  So Sam offers to make a deal with him which Cas obviously rejects.  After careful prodding and subtle hints at how lonely his future is looking, Sam offers to make sure that Cas is never alone again and he agrees in a moment of weakness.  When they shake on it, Sam burns a mark on Cas (a la the Mark of Cain perhaps) as a sign of their new connection.  Horrified and angry, Castiel who is well learned on demon deals, adds a quick alteration to what he assumes is in Sam’s fine print: Castiel will never be alone and while Sam is going to have some part in that, he will not be attached to Sam for his whole life and it won’t be Sam that stays with him. Sam’s miffed about that but as smart as he is thinks of a quick work around.  

When Castiel finally sees Gabriel again, it’s the last time they see each other.  Gabriel drops off a baby and says all kinds of weird things about angels, nephilim, and some apocalypse that’s coming but it makes no sense.  It’s almost as if he isn’t even speaking to Cas in a language he understands or is even present when he looks at him. 

“He’s yours now. He’s yours. You have to take care of him. It’s gotta be you, Cas. You're the only one of us with the brains to keep this whole thing under wraps until it's time. They can’t find him. They’ll kill him. They’ll kill him, Cas. You hear me?”

Castiel vaguely understands the small bits of information that make sense out of all of Gabriel’s rantings and can piece together. As Castiel finds a place to stash the baby for a while, Gabriel disappears leaving a notebook full of markings, sigils, and notes about his visions and the baby.  His name is Jack and he is the supposed Antichrist.  Sam’s baby. And as Cas thinks on it longer, the culmination of their deal.

Understanding the severity of the situation, Cas manages to appeal to his family and the MoL and is let back into the MoL with the story of his son, Jack, whose mother died in an attack against werewolves soon after Jack was born. The only ones who know the truth are Balthazar, Anna. 

A few months pass, Castiel raises Jack as any other child and does what he hopes is a decent job of raising a kid when he notices that Jack is much bigger than an eight month old baby should be.  The issue of Jack’s rapid aging is momentarily shelved as an attack against a small band of local hunters, not MoL, is attacked by a blinding light and a noise that pierces and bursts eardrums to the point of insanity. 

Why did I do this? Who knows. Part 1?

Please don’t hurt me, I usually just reblog shit for fun.

[bijoharvelle]

it’s the ‘dean definitely has ptsd’ deancasbenny thing i’ve been promising! just, like, soft domestic DCB. warnings: ptsd & anxiety related mutism, nightmares mentioned

Some days, Dean doesn’t talk. It’s the halfway point between won’t and can’t – Benny can never be sure which side it lingers closer to. 

Either way, when Dean startles awake, eyes darting, the only noise he makes is the harsh push-pull of air through his chest. Benny chants a quiet, “Hey, hey…” and puts a hand through Dean’s hair. In the artificial predawn, Dean looks around like he expects to be alone, or expects to be somewhere else. Part of the kink in his spine soothes at Benny’s touch, but not all of it.

Between them, Cas sleeps like the dead. (On his own, the angel won’t stir for hours. Benny generally loiters in bed for an hour or so before getting up. He’s teased Cas and Dean about it before, says he has a whole day, practically, before either of them pull themselves awake.) Dean shivers, crushes himself further into Cas, closer to Benny. 

The unfortunate thing with Dean’s life (with all of their lives) is that it could be any number of things. Hell coming back to haunt him? The time he spent locked away while Michael ran point? The time he spent fighting every minute to keep Michael cordoned off? Building his own water-proof coffin? That stretch of him as a demon? Any number of childhood traumas coming out to play? Knuckles painted with Sam’s blood, with Cas’s, with his own, Benny’s arterial spray Pollocking over his face? Frankly, Benny thinks they’re lucky it manifests as nothing more than a few days of selective mutism, a Dean that’s a little more touch-hungry than usual.

After a minute of Benny humming quietly, pretending it’s not to give Dean something solid to focus in on, Dean shifts. He carefully uncurls from Cas, levies his weight, fits himself between Benny’s legs and presses the whole of their chests together. Cas makes a snuffling noise into the pillow, adjusting to the loss of body heat, and Benny lays one big, warm hand directly center of Dean’s back. “Hey there, sweetheart.”

Dean hides his face into Benny’s shoulder and Benny lets him.

The better part of an hour passes that way.

Benny eventually climbs out of bed. By turns, he coaxes  Dean to stay there a little longer and jostles Cas awake. The angel shoots him a look brimming with piss and vinegar until he clues into the way Dean is holding onto his wrists, the way Dean’s eyes won’t quite focus. Benny doesn’t amble out to the kitchen until Cas is fully alert and muttering Poco lyrics into the creases over Dean’s forehead. They share a look over the mussy peaks of Dean’s soft bedhead and Benny circles back to press his nose into Cas’s temple.

Sam makes an appearance about halfway through Benny’s breakfast preparations. He always, somehow, knows. Benny has tried to figure it out -- is it the weather or the cast of the moon or some shift in the atmosphere? But there’s nothing to track. Maybe it’s just from the puzzle-piecing of their families trauma, maybe it’s some pluck on the threads of their brotherly bond, maybe Dean feels it coming and gives Sam a heads-up. Either way, like always, Sam fusses with the coffee pot for a minute and then sighs, loosens the hinges of his shoulders and looks over to Benny. 

“Is he okay?” he asks and his voice is rough and worn like he hasn’t gotten enough sleep, or has gotten too much (it’s a fine line for the younger Winchester).

Benny nods, whistles a low tone. Says, “He’s with Cas; he’s all right.”

Sam nods and gets through preparing the coffee. He watches a minute as Benny cooks, a little bleary around the edges. It’s not expectant, his gaze, but Benny shoves the first plate of food into Sam’s hand and directs him to sit down and eat it, before he collapses. Sam finds a genuine, if tired, smile at that and does as he’s told.

Not much later, Cas and Dean shuffle in, Dean following in Cas’s shadow, one hand just trailing along the hem of Cas’s flannel. Once they clear the threshold, though, Cas immediately goes for the coffee and Dean immediately goes for Benny.

“Heya, cher,” he greets low, putting a gentle hand to Dean’s waist, just for a moment. Behind them, Cas and Sam’s voices drone about translations they want to get done that day. Dean stays close -- his hair has been smoothed, by Cas’s hands if Benny had a guess. He tips a hand through the back of it and asks, “Would you get me some coffee?”

Dean does as he’s asked and when he hands a mug over to Benny, he has one for himself in his hands. He watches, silent and crowded into himself, as Benny finishes off two more plates. Handing them over to Dean, he tells him sternly, “One of those is for you, got it?” Dean nods, manages half a smile. He slinks to the table and slides one of the plates to Cas, comes back for his coffee, and then sits in front of the other.

Sam asks if Dean wants to help him and Cas with their research. Normally, it’s a question that doesn’t need asking -- of course Dean doesn’t want to help with research. Especially when they don’t have a case, when Sam and Cas are just doing their codexing, translating thing. But days like this, Dean is happy to have a place between his brother and his angel, specific tasks that he can see the other side of, that he can complete successfully. Getting coffee, delivering a plate of food, fetching books, looking up references.

So Dean just finds his brother’s eyes and nods and sets about eating his breakfast. 

*

Superhuman strength means there isn’t much need for training, but the routine of it is close to meditation for Benny. He’s so far into his own mind, and Cas steps so softly, that Benny doesn’t notice Cas’s presence until he’s standing right next to his bench in what passes for the bunker’s weight room.

“Personal space,” Benny teases, a joke he wrung dry from Dean. Sitting up, he catches Cas between his knees and presses his face into the former-angel’s stomach. Cas keeps one hand on Benny’s shoulder, gentle, while the other tucks up through his hair.

“Where’re the Winchesters?” Benny asks, not pulling away so his voice is muffled. His arms tighten around Cas’s waist, holding him close so he can nose along the span of his torso, tip his face to trail toward his chest.

“Into town. One of the texts reminded Sam about strawberry rhubarb pie and they went to get ingredients.”

“Weren’t y’all reading about witchcraft?” Benny asks, leaning back to pass a quizzical look up.

Cas looks just as incredulous but it melts to a smile. “Yes. I stopped being surprised about their associations awhile back, though.”

Benny grins and nips playfully at Cas, getting more shirt than anything else. “Fair enough.” He lets Cas scritch fingers through his hair, sighing at how good it feels, how Cas goes against the grain. “How’s our boy doing?”

Cas makes an elegant gesture with his shoulders that’s half-shrug and would be half the spread of wings, if he still had them. “Well enough, I think. Still…” He waves a hand to indicate the general circumstances. “But he seemed enthused at the prospect of pie, when Sam brought it up.”

“Dean Winchester excited by pie, news at eleven,” Benny jokes. Cas gives an amused huff that isn’t quite a laugh. Benny stands, then, crowding into Cas’s space and pressing their bodies together. “Y’know what we haven’t done in a minute? Spar.”

There’s a dangerous look to Cas’s eyes because he’s human now and Benny is decidedly not. Cas is not lightweight when it comes to hand-to-hand but still. He blinks up at Benny but all it takes is a well-timed smirk to undo his hesitation.

Benny lets Cas topple him in the first few minutes and Cas would be indignant about it except that he wraps his legs around the former-angel’s waist to hold him still and kisses him like that’s what they had been doing in the first place.

Cas laughs at him but goes easily, presses into Benny’s front, plants his hands on either side of his head, kisses him until they hear the sounds of Sam and Dean coming home.

*

They end up making the pie right then because Sam’s puppy dog eyes paired with Dean’s earnest look is pretty unstoppable. Besides (Sam whines) it has to cool overnight and that means they can have pie for breakfast. Benny takes helm, directing the brothers easily and nudging Cas aside playfully when he attempts to sneak tastes from the bowls. Even with Dean still silent the brothers manage to bicker through the process but all it does is bring a fond smile to Benny’s smile. When he looks back to raise eyebrows at Cas, the former angel has a similar smile on his face, warm and worn-in. 

They drink beer and eat leftovers in between checking the oven until Dean deems the pie finished. Sam scoops some of the filling out and suffers a burnt tongue for his trouble. Cas volunteers himself and Sam to clean up and Benny redirects Dean to his “cave.”

They’ve barely stepped into the hallway before Dean stops him, shoves him against the wall, fits his body against Benny’s. It’s not aggressive, or at least, there’s no heat there. No teeth and tongue and fierce movements. Just Dean slotting himself into Benny’s space. Benny leans back against the wall, easily taking the hunter’s weight. “Yeah?” he hums, keeping one hand slung low on Dean’s waist while the other trails over his shoulder blades.

Dean huffs a heavy sigh through his nose and it brushes warm along Benny’s throat. They breathe together, three long breaths, and then Dean murmurs, “Yeah.” Benny’s eyes slip shut because it’s an encouraging sign -- sometimes it’s days before they get even a sound out of him. He tries not to react beyond a bit of positive reinforcement, a dry kiss to Dean’s temple. Sometimes if they get too excited, Dean clams back up further from the pressure of it.

They end up sprawled on the couch, Benny with his head in Dean’s lap and Dean silently mouthing along to The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance. Cas comes in just as James Stewart (supposedly) kills Liberty Valance and wastes no time in settling himself atop Benny. The vampire huffs a little but easily rearranges himself so they’re more comfortable. Dean ends up with a hand in Cas’s hair, the other petting at the hollow behind Benny’s ear.

Once they learn the parable of the West (when the legend becomes fact, print the legend), Cas shuffles them off to bed. Dean goes without complaint but he lazily mouths against Cas’s neck as they change and get washed up. Benny drowsily watches as Dean gets the former angel against the wall and noses along his jaw. Maybe he dips off, because the next thing he knows Dean is pocketing himself into Benny’s side and Cas is sinking along the hunter’s back. Dean sighs, Cas has his fingers through his hair.

Maybe he’ll be back to speaking tomorrow morning. Maybe he’ll laugh and cut himself a slice of pie for breakfast and kiss them through the tangy-sweet. Maybe it’ll come gradual through the day, half-words and short answers. Maybe it’ll be a few days down the line before he finds his voice, maybe next week.

Benny drops his forehead to Dean. Feels Cas’s fingertips tease over his temple. He kisses Dean deep and slow and mumbles into his mouth, “Good night, cher.”

Dean hums and closes his eyes and falls asleep.

*

tagging ppl i know are into that DCB life/those who expressed an interest in this particular piece: @good-things-do-happen-dean | @vcastiel | @prayedtoyou | @gracefuldean | @cherryberrynice | @navajolovesdestiel

[theexecutionerssong]

Hey Gaëlle ! Est-ce-que tu aurais des recommendations de fic Destiel ? Sans trop de smut, surtout pas beta/Omega (c'est même plus du smut à ce niveau-là...) et beaucoup de pining ? ( Je devrai être en train de réviser mes partiels d'ailleurs... 😅). Merci beaucoup ! 😌

Hellooo ! Alors tu as frappé à la bonne porte parce que je lis jamais de smut, ou alors quand c’est dans des longues fics, je passe juste ces passages là. (mais j’aime beaucoup les fic a/b/o qui ont pas de smut, parce que les sentiments sont quintuplés donc pining + angst on a whole other level). Y’a peu de fluff dans mes fics préférées, love me some angsty life and death moments, mais ça finit toujours bien. Enfin. Vérifie les tags quand même :)))) J’ai mis les liens, si y’a pas c’est qu’elles ont été supprimées mais j’ai les pdf donc hit me up.Et révise tes partiels !!!!

CANON

A turn of the earth -https://archiveofourown.org/works/5138552/chapters/11825306

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

Probably my favorite fic set in Canon. It’s set around season 11, and I love how we dive into Dean’s past pre-series and then as time goes by, we catch up with the show timeline’s. It’s incredibly well written.

525,600 Minutes - https://archiveofourown.org/works/507228/chapters/892693

A man wakes up alone on the streets of Detroit. Lost and somehow forgotten, he's dressed in blood-soaked clothing without memories and without a name.

This is his journey to find it.

It was first published in 2012 set after s5, but it was rewritten last year. I still have the old version for nostalgia’s sake but the new version is even better. It’s got some amnesia so great for pining :))))

The inexhaustible silence of houses -https://archiveofourown.org/works/560268/chapters/1000755

Almost two years after the world doesn't end, Castiel falls from grace—and loses his voice in the process. It is the impetus for confession and change; before long, he is settling into a loving relationship with Dean, the Winchesters are tired, and hunting for a place to land has taken precedence to hunting anything else. Dean and Castiel fall in love with the strange little house on the end of Swallowtail Drive, and for a little while life is as it should be—sweet, affectionate, and beginning afresh.

But more and more Castiel sees and hears things in the house that beg the question of whether or not a place itself can be alive. The walls and rooms seem to shift and grow and breathe, and one night, Dean comes home from a hunt changed in a way that Castiel cannot explain. In the months that follow, their domestic bliss takes turns for the dark and sour, and the confusion of their circumstances will ultimately test everything Castiel knows about the man he loves, and everything he believes to be true.

Listen, I cried. I cried SO MUCH. There was a lil fandom war going on for a time between which was the hardest, this one or Twist and Shout, and both destroy me completely. But this one is set in canon and closer to the characters, to me, so I’ll always recommend this one first (unless you want a happy ending, in which case, don’t read it)

Only if for a night - https://archiveofourown.org/works/826303

Castiel is captured by a djinn. Dean goes slightly crazy, and Cas discovers a thing or two about himself.

I’m a sucker for Dean/Cas in Djinn verse and this one is by far my favorite.

The Bird That Feels The Light (not slash) https://archiveofourown.org/works/210860

AU from 5.18 (or thereabouts). Castiel awakens in the middle of a smoking crater, stranded and very much human. According to the people who have discovered him, it’s six months to the day after Michael and Lucifer faced off on the field of battle outside of Detroit, and Castiel isn’t the only one to have returned. When, at his insistence, they take him to this other person, he finds a child –a little boy– and realizes that, contrary to all his expectations, he has been reunited with Dean Winchester. The world has changed in their absence, and not for the better. Sam is gone, whether dead or simply missing is uncertain. Castiel is given the name of a man in Idaho who may have answers for him. He is faced with the task of travelling cross-country with Dean, who is dependent on him now in ways he never was before, in order to discover the truth. But along the way, as he and Dean learn to know and trust each other once more, Castiel begins to realize that the answers he thought he wanted might not be the ones he needs.

It’s not slash at all since Dean is a kid but I’ve read it probably about 20 times and I still love it as the first time. There’s just something about human Castiel carrying a 4 year old Dean across the world and fighting monsters and demons and humans to survive that gets to me.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - https://archiveofourown.org/works/747324

Castiel travels with the angel tablet and without the Winchesters. One day, Dean gets a text from some anonymous number. (They speak in the language of need.) A post-08.17 Goodbye, Stranger story.

If you want pining, this one is definitely for you.

Last Man Standing - https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8363328/1/Last-Man-Standing

This one is set just after the season 7 finale, it’s a Purgatory fic with so.much.pining I always need to hold a pillow to my chest when I read it or I go insane sdfghjkl I haven’t read it in probably 4 years but I remember absolutely loving it.

Outrun my gun - https://archiveofourown.org/works/281887/chapters/448388

"The two of you are so stubborn you've made Heaven blink." Finally convinced that Sam and Dean will never say yes and accept their destinies, Heaven and Hell come up with a new plan, one that will redraw the Apocalypse and make everything run much more smoothly. All they need is Dean Winchester's soul.

Don’t mind the MCD tag, it’s got a happy ending. Also a classic set in canon, it’s from 2011 so quite oldish but it’s incredible how the characterization is on point. Love love love it.

AU

Tramps Like Us

Dean Winchester's life is falling apart. He's lost his job, his apartment, and his brother, all in one day. He seems to break everything he touches. Frustrated and alone, he drives off into the night with no idea where he's headed. But then he meets Castiel Novak, a quiet and reclusive man with a haunted past, and suddenly he finds himself with a very specific destination in mind.

I feel like everyone has read Tramps Like Us but just in case, I’ll put it on the list. Not sure what I can say that hasn’t been said by half this website already but well… it deserves the hype.

Til The Last - https://archiveofourown.org/works/1001935/chapters/1984189

When the war came, Dean Winchester was determined that he was not going to get involved. He had more important things to worry about than some rich man’s fight. He had work on the farm and he had taking care of his family. Nothing else was worth his worry. But in August in the Year of Our Lord 1863, when the soldiers came knocking, they weren’t asking. They dragged Dean away. 

Dean and Cas have been best friends since they were kids. When Dean is drafted into the Confederate army, to what lengths will Castiel go to ensure that Dean makes it back home alive?

OH BOY. OHHHHH I could talk about that one until the day I die. It’s a complete AU but it has great parallels to canon, it’s incredibly well written, humanity in all it’s ugly truth and “I will fight for you ‘til the last, Dean Winchester” jesus christ it’s so good, so good

Out of the Deep - https://archiveofourown.org/works/548878

Stay away from the light-beds. Stay in the deep.

It is the first thing hatchlings are taught the moment their fans unfurl and they can swim without their parents to buoy them along. It is the first rule, the first law. It is the beginning of every boogey-monster bedtime story told when they settle against the cliffs to sleep.

Castiel should have listened better.

I love everything she writes but I think this one if my favorite. It’s sooooo long, and angsty as fuck but all ends well and it has some very fluffy moments. If you’re into this kinf of AU then 100% go for it.

To Raise a King - https://archiveofourown.org/works/1961403

This must be some kind of horrible joke at Castiel’s expense. Is he truly expected to protect a King? One who has been their enemy for as long as he can remember? He is much more suited to being a part of the army, or at the very least someone who helps to train the knights. That would be far more preferred than having to watch over the King. It means Castiel would get to keep fighting – and that’s the only way he knows to give meaning to his life.

An AU too, Cas is tasked to watch over Sam and Dean -there’s an 8 year age difference between Dean and Cas. I loved it because it’s set over about 15 years and Cas is asexual and I love time period AU in general :’)

Painted Angels https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085792

Author Castiel Novak has finally hit the big time, with a book based on his failed college relationship with a brilliant painter. He's put all his pain behind him, but at a book signing, he comes face to face with Dean Winchester for the first time in twelve years, and the reunion doesn't go like Cas hoped. Dean's a broken man, with a lot of scars and secrets, shoulders weighed down by his demons and self loathing. Cas sees a second chance with the man he's never stopped loving, but Dean's moved on, and is about to get married. Sam launches a "brilliant" plan to reunite his brother and his best friend, but Cas is worried it will all blow up in their faces, and he'll go through the agony of losing Dean a second time.

This one is hard to read because for the most part, it’s heartbreaking. There are happy flashbacks all along but it’s still hard when what happens in the present it’s a fucking tragedy. But I would still read it a thousand times over, and the timestamp completely make up for all the pining and the angst. It’s rare to find fics that last an entire lifetime.