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ash5monster01 · 1 year ago

Text

August

Pairing: Billy Tepper x FemReader

Warnings: language, mentions of smut, mentions of terrorism, angst, fluff, mentions of nudity, summer fling

Summary: based on August by Taylor Swift. Only one month of the year you get with Billy Tepper and even if all of it feels like it will last forever you know he was never really yours to begin with, that August was just an alternate reality for you both. An escape from the shitty lives you both had been dealt, a safe haven within each other.

word count: 3,527

Masterlist

It was sort of an unspoken rule. Both of you never really acknowledged it but had repeated the motions so many times that you didn’t have to act surprised when that time of year rolled around. August. Your favorite. The only month of the year that nothing else mattered in the world but you and Billy Tepper. It started when you were kids, sand castles that seemed taller than skyscrapers, cherry popsicles dripping down your chins, campfires with scary stories in the dark. You weren’t really sure when it had changed. More than likely the moment you both got older and realized your lives weren’t perfect. That here, at the beach, was the only place in the world that you both felt a sense of comfort.

So now summers were spent as each others family. A distraction from the sad truth that no one really cared that for the entire month of August you bothered to contact no one but each other. Sand castles turned into late night swimming, cherry popsicles turned into favoring the taste of each other more than the sweet treat, and scary stories in the dark turned into wrinkled bed sheets, warm skin pressed together, and whispers floating in the dark. It meant everything and nothing all at the same time. August was one month out of the year after all, and majority of it was spent pretending it was never really real.

Yet you knew he’d be here. August 1st like always. You didn’t have to write or call to know that. You had done it enough times that by now the salt air and familiar rust on his door was more welcoming than any other home you’ve stayed in. You really never needed anything more. So here you were, awaiting the first of 31 days guaranteed with him. It was funny how 30 days could feel like so much and so little all at the same time. Maybe because you knew what it felt like when it was over. August slips away into a moment in time because none of it was ever really yours to begin with.

The minute he opens the door all the memories of previous summers become clearer. The cut off shirts, soft green eyes, faded freckles, and curly champagne hair as perfect as before. It takes him only a moment to smile at you. Both lost in the memory of you twisted in the bed sheets, draining a bottle of wine, sharing secrets you'd never dare tell anyone else. You were pretty sure you were the only person on earth that knew how he felt about everything and yet this was all you had. August. He knows it too. That's why he steps to the side and lets you into the empty summer home, the one you both make yours for one month out of the year. He may have never been yours but for now this was enough. Wanting was enough. Taking one month out of the year to cancel plans for him was enough.

"Hey sweetheart" the lopsided smile, sweet as honey tone, and deep stare was enough to make you forget that he didn't call when he was back at school. In fact he never did, and that was the worst part of it all because you remember thinking he was yours and then it’s radio silence eleven months out of the year.

"Tepper, famed appearance as always" you teased, dropping your bag on the couch and slipping off the sandals with thousands of summer miles on them.

"It wouldn't be summer if I wasn't fashionably late, as always. Not my fault you seem to have radar on me" he grinned, hands tucked gently against his hips as he stalked towards you. This was what you waited all year for. Now that you were both getting older you were living for the hope of it all, getting to keep him. Wanting used to be enough, because you were both growing up, changing for the better, and so many people in your lives had held you back from that. It used to be enough for you, but now you weren't sure.

"I don't need radar, especially since you show up on the same day every single year" you deadpanned because it was true. August first, on the dot, like always. It usually only takes until midnight to already be curled up in his arms. Yet Billy just smirked as he moved closer, now only an inch between you. You crossed your arms over your chest, trying to act like you didn't want to smother him with all the kisses and hugs in the world.

"You look good Y/N" he said, finally using your name and your whole body tingled everywhere at the mention of it. He was the only person in the world that had this kind of effect on you.

"Thanks, you don't look so bad yourself Billy" he wasn't as tough as you, weak the moment your tongue curled around his name and it settled on your lips. He wanted to kiss it off and consume it. Keep it sealed tightly, wrapped with a bow, directly in his heart. So he didn't care when he squeezed your hips, the doughy flesh igniting his soul on fire, and reminding him that you were real and not some dream he had conjured up all these years. "I really missed you"

"I always miss you" you whispered back, knowing he wouldn't know what you mean. Even though you had this month, this small chunk of time dedicated to loving one another, you would miss him even when he was right next to you. You were missing him right now, even as his hands gripped your hips and pulled you flush against him. His warmth radiated across you but you already missed it because in 30 short days it would be gone and it would never mean a thing because he was never yours.

Intsead of letting him try and figure it out you finally uncrossed your arms to wrap around his neck, fingers curling into the small tufts of hair that laid there. He was so handsome, so perfect, even when he was 13 and had braces. Even when he was nine and had a permanent chocolate icecream ring stained around his lips. He was Billy, the boy who had too much love and in return didn't get loved enough. That's why when he was here every summer you made sure he felt it. How much you loved him, because even if his parents didn't give a shit, you did. So you smiled up at him, breaths intermingling with each other, as you slotted your lips between his own. A soft hum of satisifaction after a dreadfully long wait. You were sure you'd never get tired of his kisses, it was the only piece of him that stayed perfectly memorized in your brain.

"Are you sure?" he whispered to you, like he always did, feeling guilty like he kept you from something bigger and better by waiting around for him to come and give you the tiny bit he could offer. You thought it was sweet because you had never not been sure. Never have I ever before was a thing that only existed with him.

"For you Billy Tepper, always" you told him and he kissed you sweetly and quickly again. These were the moments you lived for. The first summer you had kissed him, had spent it as something more, was the hardest. That's because even though he had never called before it somehow stung even worse the summer after you had become something more. That's when you realized you had to live for the hope of it all, prepared to cancel plans just in case he called, meeting behind the mall to avoid getting caught by summer friends. You thought it was summer love, that you would be an us, but after that first summer you realized that it wasn't the case. He was never yours to lose, but at least you could get lost in the memory. Sneaking your parents wine and giving yourself to him for the very first time. He was your first everything.

"Want to go to the beach?' he asked, keeping you wrapped tighly in his arms, lips swollen from devouring your own. You knew your cheeks were flushed and a grin wider than the house itself was on your face, but right now, for just a moment, you had Billy.

"Of course I do" you told him, and he smiled back. Slowly he let you go but kept your hand locked in his as he led you to the back door that would lead you on the trail down to the beach. You always loved how you could hear the waves from his parents beach house. It was comforting, like a warm hug you definitely didn't get a lot of as a kid. Billys parents had gotten the house when he was a baby, they had only come until he was about six. After that they got a divorce and didn't really care much to go to the beach house. Yet Billy persisted to go, every summer, you imagined it was to see you. So Rosita their house keeper would come with him for the month of August. The first to the thirty first, no more, no less, and it was a miracle. By the time he was 16 and could drive himself he came alone, his parents no longer caring because they never really did. That was the first summer, when you'd pull up in your car and tell him to get in. Find places to make out like desperate and lonely teenagers, and wish it could stay that way forever.

Sometimes you wonder if things woud have been different that summer if you hadn't gotten that call. When Billy was 17 his prep school had been overtaken by terrorists. He was a hostage, his best friend died, and somehow he had gotten him and his friends out. Only Billy Tepper could do that, troublemaker at heart. After all that you couldn't find yourself to be mad or heart broken, just happy he was alive. So you let yourself do it all over again the next summer, just this time you didn't get attached. And you've done it every summer since, even through college. You worried this was the last summer, your both graduated with degrees now. It was time to be adults, settle down, get married. You were no longer meant for summer flings, a month of zero responsibilty, and hope for the future. The future was here and he still wasn’t yours. So one last summer you told yourself.

“How was senior year, valedictorian I assume?” he asked, your intertwined hangs swinging between each other. You chuckled and lightly whipped him with the towel in your other hand.

“No, but I did good. Passed all my classes, had a boyfriend for a short while, cried at graduation. The usual college things” you told him and Billy didn’t expect the jealousy to burn in his stomach. He knew it was his fault for never calling, never allowing himself to love you when he’s not in town. Still the idea of you with someone else, doing all the things he did with you first, made his heart yearn for what could be. He wished it could be, but without this place you had nothing tying you together.

“That’s good, I guess same. Other than the crying part” you laughed lightly, nudging your shoulder into his as your bare feet finally hit the soft sand. This feeling, so perfect and all consuming. This is why you always came back.

“Don’t you just love this place?” you sighed dreamily and Billy realized he couldn’t tear his eyes from you. Staring at the sea like it was your first time, you stared at it the same way you did when you were 6. He loved when you stared at him like that because that’s when he knew you loved him.

“I really do” he spoke, continuing to stare at you because damnit he loves you. He’s loved you since he was a little kid. He’d shove Terrance Mitchells face in the sand over and over again because he said you were weird one time when you were 8. He’s loved you since then, probably even before then.

“Let’s pick a spot” you urged, finally turning to face him and he smiled as he followed you to a good spot directly in the sun. He wished he could love you outside of this place. The thing was Billy had seen a lot, he had been beaten, watched people die, watched his best friend die, watched as his parents gave up on him. Here was the only place in the world he hadn’t been hurt. If he were to love you outside of it, he knew he would lose you too.

You knew Billy was tired from travel. He always was when he came down. He definitely would have preferred to just curl up in bed, you rubbing his back as he got some rest. Of course he could never say no to you either, so instead he was laying face down in his towel, sleeping on the beach just to make you happy. You watched as his bare back risen and fell with each even breath he took in, scars now long faded from that dreadful time years ago. The sun practically glowed off of him and you wished you could write your name on his back. Your hand reached out, tracing the first few letters. By the time you had finished and began tracing ‘I love you’ his eyes had fluttered open, small smile playful at the corner of his lips.

“I love waking up next to you” he muttered, voice raspy from sleep. Your heart swelled at the notion, rolling over to wrap your arm more around him.

“Then you can do it for the next 30 days” you told him and he smiled, head lifting to peck a sweet kiss to your lips.

“I’m glad” he told you and you hummed in contentment. Happy to be here just the two of you.

“You hungry?”

Just like always you cooked for him while he showered. Nothing felt more like summer then wearing a slightly damp bikini, unbuttoned jean shorts, skin radiating heat from the sun, hair tangled and piled on top of your head, while you cooked for the two of you. It was exactly how life should be, how you imagined life with him would be like if you ever got to share it together away from this place.

“Smells good” suddenly Billy was invading your space, firm front pressed softly against your back, hands caressing your rib cage, wet hair dripping onto your shoulder.

“Just in time, I just finished” you smiled, head turning to look back at him. He pressed a quick peck to your lips before letting go, allowing you to serve the dish.

“Always spaghetti the first night” he teased, taking his normal seat at the table. It had six seats but you both had your assigned ones, his at the head and you right next to him. Even if the table wasn’t full it always felt like it was.

“It’s tradition, you know it, and I know it” you told him, setting the pot down and taking your seat beside him.

“Is this our last first night?” he whispered into the air, the same fear of crushing adulthood taking this month of peace away from you both. You took a long chug of your glass of wine, knowing it was the first of many this month. The bottles slipped away faster than the month did.

“I hope not, but I’m afraid it might be unavoidable” you wore a sad look, heart clenching over a loss you probably weren’t even allowed to mourn. It was all pretend anyway.

“I start work with my father next month. Once that happens I fear he won’t favor a month leave at a time” Billy told you, knowing that now that he had his degree, had done what his father wanted of him, he was imprisoned by the man forever now.

“I have a job lined up too, I don’t think they’d be so quick to give a months leave to the new girl” you admitted as well, knowing that this truly was the last summer.

“Then let’s pick a weekend then, the first weekend of August. We can do it every year-”

“No Billy” you said, tears burning at the back of your eyes. You lifted your head, pleading that they wouldn’t fall. “I can’t spend the rest of my life pretending that two days a year with you will be enough. A month already kills me”

“Y/N, I don’t know what you mean?” Billy began to shake his head and despite your protest the tears began to fall.

“It means that I love you Billy. In a way that I just can’t turn it off when the month is over. You haunt me every day and have held me back from allowing myself to love someone who can give me more than one month at a time. I can’t settle for 2 days out of 365. I either need all of you or none of you, so I can finally be happy” Billy’s heart shattered as you spoke this, not realizing the damage he had done to you through all of this.

“You don’t think I love you too. That’s it’s impossible for me to be with anyone else because of you. I’ve tried and it sucks, that’s why I come back every August” he spoke frantically, wanting you to know that you weren’t alone in this.

“Then you need to agree Billy. If you love me please let me go. At the end of this month let me go, say goodbye forever, and let me make a life for myself. I want to love someone so much it hurts and I can’t do that if I’ve already given my heart to you” you pleaded with him, begging him and maybe some higher being to allow yourself to say goodbye to Billy Tepper forever, even if it was the last thing you wanted to do.

“I can’t do that, it’s selfish, I know. I want you to love me, I want to be with you every day too-”

“Then why don’t you Billy! You could’ve had me four years ago, I would’ve followed you to whatever college. I would’ve moved halfway across the country for you. But the 31st rolls around and you never call! That’s on you” you yelled, trying to understand why he can’t love you enough to love you away from this place.

“I can’t! I can only love you here because nothing bad has ever happened here!” his words left you in shock, realizing what he had meant, what he had been battling with the last seven years.

“Billy, that can’t be true” your hand was reaching for him now, tugging yourself closer to comfort him as tears ran from his own eyes.

“It is, it’s the only place in this world I haven’t been hurt. Whenever I leave something happens like my parents get divorced, I’m expelled from another school, my best friend gets shot while terrorists have taken over, I get rejected from my dream college, my Mom stops returning my calls. If I take you away from this place, you’ll end up hurting me too” now your were hugging him, practically sitting in his lap as he cried and confessed this, spaghetti now cold.

“Billy you’d never lose me” you told him, hands running through his hair as you comforted him.

“You can’t guarantee that, it could be completely out of your control” he told you, face nuzzled into your chest and you sighed, lifting his face to meet your own.

“Nothing ever really is in your control. Sometimes you just have to take that risk. I’m willing to try if you are too” you told him, his green eyes glossy and searching your own.

“If I lose you, I don’t think I’d ever recover” he told you, small pout on his lips. You smiled and kissed him, kissed him for the first time knowing you have the chance to keep him.

“Me too Billy, so why don’t we take that risk together” you whispered, forehead pressed against his own. A small smile formed on his face, realizing for the first time he didn’t entirely dread his future.

“Okay, together” and suddenly he was scooping you up. A squeal leaving your lips as he rushed you to the bedroom, where he had wanted you the moment you stepped through the door. This time he was gonna have you and know there was a chance he could have you even after the month was over. Twisted in the bed sheets, no longer lost in the memory. No more August slipping away into a moment of time.

a/n: @saint-petah-the-good had commented on my list of people I write for suggesting I write for Billy which I haven’t don’t in such a long while. The Toy Soldiers fandom is small, minuscule, and as of late I haven’t seen anything written for the fandom in a very long time. The movie despite having harsh topics is one of my favorites and Billy Tepper, infamous trouble maker, deserves some love. so even if you’ve never seen Toy Soldiers I suggest giving it a shot, or just read this, it’s heart wrenching, and I’m very proud of it.

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