#toxic jegulily polycule from hell

[flightlessfinch]

btw i posted a new fic the other day. i just realized i never posted about it on tumblr ;-;

icarian (jegulily)

[flightlessfinch]

here's a jegulily snippet from my new fic:

"You don't know me, so stop acting like you do."

"You think I don't know you by now?" James looked up at him, his expression was distant.

"What do you know about me, Potter?" Regulus turned away from him. He looked at his bedside table. Scribbled notes from his friends were pinned to the wall. There was a family picture in a little frame, perfect Potter's parents, his mother touching his hair, his father smiling. Radiating ease. Radiating love. Of course he kept his family at his bedside. Was there any part of his life that wasn't perfect other than Regulus? Him and his misery casting his dark shadow in a world of nothing but light. Next to it there was a little polaroid of him holding Lily in the sun, both of them laughing and staring into each other's eyes. A messy girlish scrawl on the bottom: Summer '76. Regulus picked up the polaroid, such a flimsy little thing, between two of his long fingers. He held it like a playing card.

"Regulus..." James sighed and covered his face with his hands like he was very very tired.

"Why do you keep this here? Just to torture yourself?" James grasped for the picture and Regulus moved it just out of his reach. "No. Look at her."

"I look at her everyday," he complained. Exhaustion in his bones.

"Look at her, and look at me." Regulus held the picture up beside his face, like Lily was looking right past James, right at him. She saw him everyday in the corridors. Did she suspect? Would she ever know about this? "You can't just have one, can you? You want both." James stared at him, silent as a stone. He wanted this conversation to be over. Too bad. "This is the kind of greed they say is sinful in the bible."

"Are you going to tell me to break up with her again?" Regulus sat cross-legged on the floor at James' feet and traced a fingertip over Lily's pretty, elfin face. Her upturned nose, her red eyelashes. She was everything he was not. How could James stand it? He'd felt the intensity of his hunger for him, for his body, all of its sharp edges, muscle and bone. How could he reach into the softness, the sweetness, of this woman when she was so different from what he truly desired?

"You don't deserve her. You deserve me. It's a bit unfair, isn't it?"

"You think you deserve me?" His incredulity was probably supposed to be insulting. Regulus didn't see it that way.

"No, but you deserve me. I treat you exactly the way I think you deserve to be treated, Potter."

"You're a terrible person."

"So are you." Regulus touched the picture of Lily again, then kissed her pretty face. A gentle kiss, one James had never gotten.