#totally not like more than 20 times
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I was just playing Minecraft with my love, and they kept a close eye on me like I was toddler (I kept almost dying but that's besides the point)
LOOKING AT YOU @dinoisdizzy >:/ (I love you sm mwah<3)
#greaser kinnie#my partner#mc with my love#minecraft#im a flower picker/builder while they're miner#i died a little#totally not like more than 20 times#mc builder
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i miss mentopolis like a physical ache in my body
#i think it’s bc the d20 fandom has a tendency to just like.. move on from one season to the next fairly quickly#which is like. way more prevalent in side quests than it is intrepid hero seasons#which makes sense bc those are 20 eps vs 4-10#so you get more time w the characters and ur already familiar with the players and the way they all work together#which leads to like. more content of the main seasons#which again i totally understand#but also. :(#dimension 20#d20#mentopolis
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Saw all these beautiful women with long hair today and thought to myself "why do I want to do that" so now I'm debating if I want to chop all my hair off again
#on one hand. if i go back to the bowlcut then i cant just put it in a ponytail when its in my face#i have to actually cut it short consistently in order to keep it manageable.#but on the other hand. im already doing that with my bangs#and as much fun as i have braiding my hair its. its a little weird that all but 3 of the women in class wear their hair the same way#sigh i dont know. i like the idea of having long hair for my wedding#so that i can do some cute elaborate design but im nowhere close to getting married#like im only 20 and marriage is at the very least a 25 year old thing so. i have time#theoretically i have plenty of time to grow my hair out but the thing is will i ever want to#maybe what i really need to do is just buy a better wig so that i have one thats more customizable#bc my current wig is cute but i cant do french or dutch braids on it without revealing the mesh underneath#and all i really want is to walk around with cute braids but at what cost?!#ok but also lets think about it this way: this time last year my hair was just shy of my ear lobes#and now it tickles the tops of my shoulders but isnt quite shoulder level#lets say thats about 3 inches in a year. that means 9 inches in 3 years and 15 inches in 5 years#that means if i dont cut my hair now then it will have grown about 7 inches in total by the time i graduate#that would be longer than its ever been in my life and im already halfway there#sigh again. i guess i should stick with it just to see if i even like it that long#cuz how will i know if i dont try
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my five surviving braincells when something remotely good happens:
#in other news… wORK IS OVER PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#man. i’m s o tired. i can’t believe i survived almost 2 whole years at this job…#huh. come to think of it… i started tling idol sengen before i even got this job lol. and i’m only 3/5 of the way through it…#can’t believe the idol sengen grind->hiatus->grind(?) outlives my time at [withheld] company…#i did end up spending a cool 20 mins cleaning out my work locker though. i found so many treasures i didn’t even know i had in there#like. there was an unopened 3-pack of wet tissues a n d an unopened box of pens that i don’t recall buying#and ofc the 3 random sponges i ‘liberated’ from the lab. don’t tell my boss lmao#w a i t now that i think about it i should’ve taken at least 1 vial of (allegedly) carcinogenic sand for the memories. dammit.#oh well. what’s done is done i suppose. i did receive way more chocolate than i could ever eat though…#y. yeah. i guess i’ll miss my coworkers (a little). they were fun to annoy every day. except for the new guy bc i don’t like him at all lol#i have never met someone who lacked as much common sense as he. i think he’s gonna get canned before he’s able to resign on his own terms#dude could be spoonfed through every single step of the testing process and *still* mess up somewhere smh#but no. this isn’t about him. even though he is the final straw that led to my decision to resign#hm. looking back on it now. i think i was pretty good at my job for the most part when it came to the things i could do#or maybe i was too good at it. like. to the point where even more experienced analysts were coming to me in search of help#prolly gonna miss being one of the very best (out of like a grand total of 10 people at the lab) at doing ftir-related tests#ehehehehehehe i wonder if that workstation will continue to stay as organised as it is now that i’m gone#a n d i wonder what my coworkers will do now that they can’t ask me for ms excel help for the smallest of things lol#sometimes i just wanna tell them to g o g o o g l e i t ! ! ! when they call me over for it. but alas.#can’t believe these guys know how to use c h a t g p t and not ms excel (despite having it on their resume) smh#omg wow this got long and incoherent sorry guys i think i need some sleep lol. idol sengen next week..#…maybe…? no promises though!!!!!
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This seems fun so,
#The Unus Annus merch is not for sale don't even ask#I dgaf how much it's worth that series? project? was so very important to me during a very difficult time of my life#I'm not usually sentimental but that stuff is worth far more to me than the money I could get for it#The tea set isn't valuable I dont think. I got it from a charity shop for like £20 total. Its very very pretty though
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must be nice, being free for once
#character here is asuka from branch-wdk53#art#zoom in for some details :3 especially the lineart and with her face#i had to retroactively add the little chess pieces bc i drew her hands and was like. ok. what the fuck is she doing#so something here about being able to control others persnaps... with the red shoes' power and all#also liking her updated hair :3 specifically with this ego it makes me think of her like not maintaining it totally#or letting it grow out since she wouldnt care about how shes perceived - like a red shoes possessed agent wouldnt#this is more corroded-y than just her with the ego but yknow. the themes etc#i could see it happening to her considering how often she gets fucked over by the world#wanting to take agency and just do whatever she likes for a time#the perspective here was all just fuck it we ball i literally used 0 references for this. sometimes i just Do That i guess lol#also! the lineart colors come from some just like. making it all a little bluer type stuff#but i also inverted the whole color layer and put it on top and was like. oh thats awesome#since i just selected everything outside of the lineart for the base coloring layer#it also went into the lineart and made some cool stuff with the parts that were or werent colored behind the lines#i will always find a way to have 20 tags on every piece of art i make o7
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i do think, aside from mercury bias, if bg had been in all season she would have been all wnba, first or at least second. i think people undervalue her because of the rebounding but she is 1000% the worst officiated player in the league, on both sides of the court. so the fact that she's been able to have the performance that she had is incredible, and that she didn't get the acknowledgment really just underscores how much people take what she does for granted.
#i saw something interesting that kim milky basically has her players specialize and so they come out of college less well rounded#exhibit a angel's shooting vs rebounding#and i didn't watch bg in college so maybe i'm totally wrong on this but maybe rebounding just wasn't he job#and then i saw on reddit or something that maybe because she is so poorly officiated she'd get called for too many fouls on rebounding#for it to be worth it#and while i understand the value of rebounding really i do the mercy's problem wasn't that they weren't trying#well sometimes it was but it was that their whole system wasn't designed for it#if you have 4 players on the perimeter to space and shoot 3#you're going to hope they go in and run the floor instead#teams that rebound well dedicate bodies and time to rebounding#and i believe that it was a conscious choice the merc made to not do that#and if you look at old merc games they struggled with rebounding then too#i actually will have more to say about this in the future but the mercury's style of play has lived and died with dt's style for 20 years#the mercury have the most 100 point games of any franchise#and they are responsible for most of the 200 point total scores across the league#ie their fast break and bad defense lol#and while it's not entirely true - she is not responsible for every result they've ever had - i don't think you get westhead's style of pla#to work without her talent and the penny cappie dt trio in 2006#or at least it isn't successful and maybe doesn't change the pace of play in the league the way it did#it's also interesting that if the lottery draw goes differently in 2006 and merc have the first pick do they get seimone or do they stick#cappie? i think they stick with cappie bc they needed a true pg and from what i've seen seimone is a 2/3#and i don't think dt becomes the player the league knows without having a true pg [vs her playing point]#the thing is dt can play point better than most people but i think she plays better when she has someone else there to help#and her talking about oh i should've won mvp in 2006 [when i dropped 40] [lisa leslie won that year]#and in 2014 [best team ever] [maya moore won that year]#you look at the stats and there is for sure an argument to be made there#but it all comes back to post players#and i know wikipedia says maya is a power forward but she seems like more of a 3 sometimes? i haven't watched her enough#but i don't think dt can win mvp in 2009 without that team specifically#which means [and this is my theory of life] that everything happens the way it has to happen for you to end up where you are today
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u know what i've been thinking about. how the economy expects you to be, right now, at a job you've been at and consistently getting raises in for like, ten years. it's almost like the implication is "well yeah, you'll be able to live off this job in three, five, ten years if you stick with it and grow in the company" which is all fine and dandy, but i kind of need to live right now
#the queen of trash has spoken#rewrote this post six times and it turned into an essay both times and i don't really need it to lol#also thinking about the graphic i saw this morning that said the average spending power of $100 here is $41 compared to the national averag#which i guess? min wage is just over $16 here. but uhhhhhhhh i think my city is one of the most expensive in the state as far as cost of#living goes (not hard since we're the second largest city in a state of three decent sized cities and mostly large towns)#and its just crazy bc i look at my coworkers some of whom haven't been there much longer than me#who have kids and a house and stuff#and i realize oh. their husbands are engineers or lawyers. plus they're probably making more than me because they're team leads or managers#or have been there longer. meanwhile my 25 year old ass is making $20 an hour and my boyfriend is making $18 an hour#both doing highly-specialized work#and like. the idea that in ten years if i last that long both in the company and in this mortal coil#THEN i'll be making a living wage (in today's money)#is like. so wack! considering the fact that people really aren't staying in jobs for very long for various reasons#and for some positions the only way to get a raise is to move to a whole new company#it's just crazy! the fact that a 25 year old with a bachelor's degree can't even afford a fucking APARTMENT.#like everyone should be able to have housing obvs and the obvious solution to this is a universal basic income#but the fact that my experiencce in the economy is so different from my brothers (who is seven years older than me) and COMPLETELY#unrecognizable to that of my parents when they were my age. like i know billionaires are totally disconnected from reality#but in what universe is this a successful economy? /rq i know the answer i promise
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Being an introvert that everyone thinks is an extrovert is sure... something
#its tiring is what it is#at some point people seemed to take it as 'quiet person who is socially awkward' but i can be very friendly bubbly etc etc#so theyre like oh youre so extroverted!! like no. i really need to go be by myself now or im gonna freak out lmao#i always feel like no one has a clear image of me tho bc people have always thought i was super confident#bc idk ? im loud sometimes more in the past than now and idk i crack jokes ?? but like no i have horrendous body issues and bad self esteem#literally since i can remember. genuinely going back to when i was like 5 so again its just very ?? whenever people say shit to me about me#like my cousins bestie who i have known since i was like 6 said i was such a joyous happy person#and truly it made me so confused bc i am truly not but idk guess to her i am so 🤷♀️#this is why i spend so much time alone now#its not totally an act sometimes i am that happy and fun but it is sometimes a mask that i have just been doing for 20 yrs so im good at it
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MY LIFE IS NOT REAL WHAT IS GOING ON
#GUYS#so for context before i get into the storytime i currently live at home with my mom and brother#and my mom came into my room at like 10:30 and said ‘i need you to go downstairs and be the adult right now because i can’t deal with this’#(my mom is 54 and i’m 20 but sure i’ll be the adult???)#so basically. my brother (13) gave our fucking address to some random person on discord who claims to be 11 but who the fuck knows#keep in mind my brother was born in 2011 so he’s grown up with the internet his whole life#and he’s been told countless times by my entire family not to give out personal information online but he has done it multiple times#anyway he says he and his friends from school have been talking to this ‘kid’ on discord for like a year#and none of them know him irl bc he lives in rhode island or something but they’ve apparently been on video calls with him and seen his face#so there’s a good chance he actually is a kid but i personally don’t trust anything online anymore so i’m not totally convinced#but anyway he apparently sent my brother what looked like a youtube link but when he clicked on it it gave this kid his ip address#i have no idea how that shit works or if that’s possible but that’s what he’s saying#and then my brother was arguing with this kid bc i guess he’s racist?? and the kid was like ‘just remember i have your address’#and my brother is being super vague about everything but i guess the kid implied he was going to send a swat team to our house or some shit#so my brother freaked out and called the cops and since my mom wanted me to be the adult i had to go sit downstairs and wait for them#and let me tell you it was so fucking embarrassing standing there while my brother told the cop this insane story#and while my brother was inside getting his phone the cop asked me ‘so what’s the deal do you think this is legit or just kids talking shit’#like bro don’t ask me i have no idea what the fuck is going on and i’m so sorry you had to come to our house to deal with this 😭#anyway he’s going to file a report so if the cops get a call anytime soon about a murder or something happening at our house—#—they’ll call me or my mom to ask what’s going on and make sure it’s not this fucking kid from rhode island swatting us#so that was my night! what the fuck#i’ve never regretted moving back home more than i do right now#lj.txt
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Thinking abt Jessica Cruz and the ability to overcome great fear again
#everybody including canon: omg hal is the greatest lantern kyle is the best etc. etc.#HOWEVER OKAY. my vision.....#with like 15 to 20 years of our time i could expand on stuff and give her THE character arc okay#like im just saying yellow lantern jess arc could ACTUALLY be so good bc i would do it as a way to bring her back to the corps stronger and#better and more assured#in herself because like its not about NOT being afraid is about OVERCOMING it and bravery isnt the absence of fear but action in spite of it#et cetera et cetera#like okay i was kidding when i said i think shed be more powerful than kyle or hal#because theyre both totally overpowered in their own way ofc with hal's willpower abilities at like insane levels and kyle's command of the#emotional spectrum being what it is et cetera#BUT. jess has such an interesting relationship with the ring and BEING a green lantern and its like i want to go deeper with that. like down#to the center of the earth deeper. because i feel like shes a character that would have such a great connection to being a lantern and would#especially be the one to embody the 'overcome great fear' phrase at its core#also like THE RELATIONSHIP SHE HAS TO BEING A LANTERN-#all the lanterns have interesting relationships to the corps or what it means to be a gl but for me jess's is just SOOOOOO compelling and#rich and just. being a lantern saved her life. becoming a lantern GAVE her her life BACK. on multiple levels!!!#like quite literally bc of the fact that volthoom died in her body before she got the ring but like before she became a gl she wasn’t living#a life at least not socially. even when she was power ring i still doubt HIGHLY that she even really left the watchtower when not on mission#because like. they glossed over it but the power ring doesnt come off. she was always like that and even with her control over it always a#little primed to blow and i think that's something jess was aware of even if the rest of the jl wasn't as much#bc she like was always reminded of how precarious her power over the power ring could be like it said HORRIBLE things to her all the time!!!#like on power it would be just calling her names like verbal abuse#so even while she had control over the ring it was a tenuous sort of precarious state and she was very aware of that!!!#and i feel like thats what it often comes down to for jess: control. i think its a key part of her character that she desires that sort of#control over herself and her fear due to feeling a lack of it for so long. and THATS why i think that yellow lantern jess has SO much#potential bc it has a huge chance to explore her relationship with the concept of control and harken back to her origin and early days as a#hero.#gosh i went on a tangent here but yeah. LOTS of feelings abt jess#basically a whole meta in the tags tbh#jessica cruz
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wow so great to be on a train and be afraid for your life
#unironically#idk if anyone remembers that time i posted about two of our long distance trains being on the same track from opposite directions which#resulted in 50 people most of whom were 20 year olds dying#alongside my friend's girlfriend#so ive been taking the bus instead which takes about 3h more than the train#one bc i didnt want to give them money two bc. i wanna live.#so anyway today i had to take the train bc i had to leave after work and i dont wanna get at my destination at like midnight#and accidentally i had bought the first class ticket in the first coach#for context when the clash happened last year everyone who was in the first two coaches died. in a very bad way.#i sat in the second coach tho and at some point i got up and walked around and the first two coaches are like. empty. total of 5 people.#and i was like huh the train is pretty empty anyway#and i moved down to like coach 6 and actually the train is p full just no one wants to sit in the first two coaches#and theyre right#had full on panic attack when the train started
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today i rented a guitar.
#i think im worried about going into a bad headspace again this summer because summer is kind of a tricky time for that#i dont like not being at school#i think i always need to be doing something#so i rented a guitar from the music store and im going to attempt to learn over the summer#i was noodling around for like an hour and it sounds so relaxing#ive been “playing” ukulele for a few years now and its a lot trickier than ukulele because there's more strings but knowing how its mapped#out from already knowing how a ukulele works is super helpful#its nice having something to work on for the next little while#but im more excited about the prospect of just having been able to do that#like i walked into the store and went “i wanna rent a guitar” and the dude was like “how old r u” and i went “twenty"#and then i filled out the paperwork and now i just have a guitar#and it only cost like 20 bucks#thats so cool to me#idk i guess they're just little things that remind me that being an adult is scary but it can also be kind of fun? you kind of realize that#when everyone else tells you that you have free will now it doesnt just mean being able to drive whereever you want whenever you want#it means being able to rent things and stuff too#and having the authority to say “i would like to do this” and being totally allowed to do it (within ethical boundaries ofc ofc 😌😌😌)#its like...deeper than the kind of rebelliousness of driving past midnight or getting tattoo or driving to a bar#its a weird sense of control thats oddly reassuring#delete later probably#tig rants
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oh yeah so uh we went to the city today bc i got some clothing vouchers for work clothes from the dept of rehabilitation services and. one of the stores i needed to go to (she couldnt find any stores on the list that sold all the items i need so it had to be broken up) was closed (we were originally gonna go on saturday but dad was sick) and the other store like. got really confused the lady at the desk called over her manager and then he called his manager and she was like "ive never seen this before but it doesnt have the code we need so we cant take it" except idk but i think she didnt understand how it works bc she was saying they need like a government credit card number essentially to charge the clothes onto but my case worker told me (i thought) that the store had to fill out the paper and send it to the office to then recieve payment rather than them getting the payment immediately? anyway im confused and pissed bc i wanted to go on saturday so i could have sunday to recover from the pain of spending several hours in the car but since dad was sick we didnt. and i didnt even get to get the clothes anyway. mom and dad ended up buying me like that one pair of jeans and two shirts from a resell store or whatever its called and the pants barely fit but they didnt have any in my size. what even ever tomorrow is not going to be good but at least once its over with i will know if like . im gonna be ABLE to even do this job. i think i should have enough ability to sit while doing tasks or even maybe take breaks for it to not flare up my pain too much but i literally cannot know until i do it. which is severely fucked up. and the fact that im already going to be in pain from what ended up being a virtually useless car trip and really didnt need to put myself through that, AND on top of that im gonna have to go BACK out to the city this weekend. meaning i will have no full days of leisure for two weeks which means unceasing pain :(
#i really really shouldnt have let the manager fast talk me into taking that one hour shift on sundays#its for one of the two clients i see mon-fri and apparently shes a bit of a problem client lmao.#so my thinking is like ill go in and see what happens and if we have Problems ill pull the starry eyed newbie card#and be like “please im only new and i cant handle this 🥺”#and then Make Sure she gives me the number of hours i requested and not more (i asked for 20-25#w no more than 5 hour days#and she put me in for 5.5 hour days + 1 hour on sun for a total of 28 hours#she asked if it was fine but my brain wasnt doing the math right i didnt understand what she was saying 😔#but its like 3 hours to make one or two meals do dishes and help her bathe? so i THINK there should be time to sit and recover
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Alright, I think my kenny and bebe playlist is in a mostly finalized state. Probably won't add or remove anything from it for a good while
#20 songs in total; 15 about sex; 5 with no mention of it#1 sentimental from a man's perspective; 1 sentimental from a woman's perspective#Some from the late 20th century; some from after 2000#Would've liked if there was more yuri; but there aren't a ton of WLW songs which fit the vibe I'm going for#Also some of those songs are based more on vibes than lyrics; but that's alright#May add some songs about a woman dominating a man. But genre; vibes; and time period may be an issue#I'm open to suggestions. Since this playlist is public i want other people to enjoy listening to it too
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yk that military kid camp i went to? gone for like a week? there were so many homeschooled kids it was crazy. and people that skipped grades. like a 14 yr old is a junior and this 15 yr old is starting freshman in college. made me feel 1) dumb 2) better because i feel like i am inherently less awkward and less socially inept than the average homeschooled kid. i do feel bad a little bit. not a lot.
you are less socially inept than the average homeschool kid I promise. this includes me unfortunately. also don't worry about whether or not they're smarter than you I promise something is still wrong with them
#15 yr old freshman in college is probably just doing dual enrollment which I was SUPPOSED TO DO#but I was lazy and kept putting off taking the practice tests so now I'm a senior. and still haven't started dual enrollment#probably not going to#but yeah a lot of homeschoolers do dual enrollment bc supposedly? the first 2 years of college aren't really major specific#they're like. general classes everyone is required to take. so homeschoolers with flexible schedules have the time and ability#to take those during highschool. they also might just not be taking the highschool versions of those classes at all#like if you can do. entry level college biology or highschool biology well the college one is the same stuff but more in depth#so you don't need to take the highschool class#and then as for the 14 yr old junior well one homeschoolers tend to have less work#I don't really get homework because it's just schoolwork#like I just have to complete things on khan academy#and a lot of in school classroom time is just the teacher trying to manage 20 kids. which isn't a problem here#so I have like. 3-4 hours of schoolwork total in a day probably? you could totally backload more of it#to be finished quicker#anyway they're not any smarter than you they just do school differently in a way that sounds more impressive#but isn't gonna have that big of an effect later#finishing college 2 years early doesn't actually get you anything but your degree 2 years early#ask#ghoultaffy#hi jayme!
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