#topic: humanity

[araekni]

If you drive past horses and don't say horses, you're a psychopath. If you see an airplane but don't point it out. A rainbow, a cardinal, a butterfly. If you don't whisper-shout albino squirrel! Deer! Red fox! If you ever heard a woodpecker and don't shush everyone around you into silence. If you find an unbroken sand dollar in a tide pool. If you see a dorsal fin breaking the water. If you see the moon and don't say oh my god look at the moon. If you smell smoke and don't search for fire. If you feel yourself receding, receding, and don't tell anyone until you're gone.

Maggie Smith, Poem Beginning With A Retweet

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Who is this sassy lost child?

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[spongebob-connoisseur]

People like to characterize human Spongebob as some waifish barely 20 years old looking twink but honestly I think he'd be more like Pat from the UK version of Ghosts.

The shorts, the passion for what he does and his craft, the dorky glasses, the positive and all forgiving attitude, the knee high socks, the love of nature and the outdoors, the tie, the love for his friends and family, the shoes, the love of pranks, the OVERALL WHOLESOMENESS AND GOOD NATURE

[marlynnofmany]

Spice in Space

“Of course your food is a biohazard,” Zhee said while the security scanner approved our delivery.

“The label’s just a precaution,” I said. “Pretty sure this is mostly pepper.”

“Right, yes, the food flavoring that gives your meals the flavor of fire.” Zhee tilted his head, bug eyes looking at everything at once while managing to roll sarcastically. “Not a hazard at all.”

“I don’t mean the really spicy kind,” I said as the box slid out of the scanning machine. “Just the regular spices to sprinkle over eggs and whatnot.”

Zhee picked up the box in his pincher arms. “Right, because eating fire-flavored unhatched creatures is a perfectly normal thing to do.”

I laughed and followed him out into the spaceport. “It is where I’m from!”

“Absolute maniacs, all of you,” Zhee declared with a flick of his antennae. “Now where is that food stall? The briefing said it would be tiny.”

“Tiny and close,” I agreed, looking around. Once past the security checkpoint, this place was a riot of booths and pedestrians with an artsy wave pattern on the ceiling that seemed to dampen the sound. It wasn’t as loud as most spaceports I’d been in.

“I see a directory,” Zhee said. “Let’s just check that.”

“Wait, there it is!” I pointed to a little kiosk between full-sized restaurants. It only held enough room for tubs of ingredients, a gigantic hot plate, and the guy currently scraping food around on it with flair. The sign said “Earth Fry.”

“Of course,” Zhee said, moving toward it. “I should have just looked for the fire.”

As we maneuvered through the crowd of Strongarms, Mesmers, and miscellaneous others, the guy tossed the food with his spatula, caught it deftly in a takeout box, and handed it to the customer waiting at the side: another human. No surprise there. By the time we arrived, he was ready to greet us.

“Hello! Can I interest you in some Earth Fry?”

Zhee held up the sealed package. “We have Earth ingredients for you. Apparently they are hazardous.”

“Oh! Yes, thank you! That’ll be the hot sauce and other stuff.” He took the box and found a flat surface to put it on, then accepted the payment tablet I held out for him. “Thanks for being so fast. Somebody got a bit clumsy during the lunch rush and knocked over a few things. Paid for ‘em, but I can’t get all of these local.” He signed for the delivery while I tried to place his accent. Australian?

“Luckily we were just coming from a trade hub,” I said. “This stuff is straight from Earth.”

“Excellent. It’s been a while since I was home, and you can’t beat the real thing for spices.” He handed the tablet back.

“Very true,” I agreed. “Where are you from?”

“Melbourne,” he said while I congratulated myself on guessing right. “Still getting used to how little any of that matters out here. To the average offworlder, Earth is one place with one type of person.”

“And we’re all lunatics who eat poison, right?” I agreed with a sly glance at Zhee.

He spread his pinchers. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

“Hey now, the garlic is only poisonous to some creatures from Earth,” the guy said, pointing to an airtight tub. “And the onions. If you want the real toxins, the alcohol stores are that way.”

Zhee looked at the ceiling. “It’s like you all have a death wish. Or take pleasure in hurting yourselves.”

“Some of the pain tastes good?” I said with a wave toward the hot sauces.

At the same time, the guy said, “There’s a reason they call us space orcs.”

I laughed. “Do they still? I wouldn’t think enough people even know what an orc is.”

To my surprise, Zhee recited, “Mythological creature from your planet, famed for strength, durability, and lack of foresight. Rumors do go around.”

“I suppose that’s one way to put it,” I said.

“Nobody thinks that’s funnier than my family,” said the Australian. “I get no end of jokes about it. Especially from my mom’s side — she’s from the US, and thinks we all say ‘space’ funny.”

“Does she?” I asked. “Interesting word to focus on.”

“Right? She insists that it sounds like ‘spice,’ and I just don’t see what she’s on about. But!” He held up a finger and fiddled with his collar. “That did lead to my favorite shirt.” With a dramatic sweep of his overshirt, he bared a bright red T-shirt that said “Spice Orc.”

I burst out laughing. “That’s fantastic!”

“Mom was pretty proud of herself for this one,” he said. “Gave it to me for my last birthday.”

Zhee declared, “Appropriate. Entirely in character for your species.”

“And we even brought you spice!” I laughed.

“That you did!” he said, resettling his clothes. “Care to try some? The shredded beef dish is particularly tasty.”

I looked at Zhee, then turned back without waiting for a response. “We’ve got a couple minutes. I’d love some. With extra garlic, please!”

“Coming right up!” He spun his tongs like a gunfighter, and began tossing ingredients onto the hot plate where they sizzled madly.

Zhee just grumbled and looked put-upon, but didn’t object. I planned to make a big deal of enjoying the tasty fire-and-poison meal on our walk back to the ship.

~~~

These are the ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book.

Shared early on Patreon! There’s even a free tier to get them on the same day as the rest of the world.

The sequel novel is in progress (and will include characters from these stories. I hadn’t thought all of them up when I wrote the first book, but they’re too much fun to leave out of the second).

[araekni]

[ID: An olive green bowling shirt. On the back the words 'The Whole Person' are embroidered in cursive. End ID.]

absolutely enamored with the embroidery on this vintage bowling shirt i saw. The Whole Person..

[corviiids]

(more persona 5 / persona 5 royal spoilers again)

(this one has art by dotdotdotukno on twitter please view)

compilation of specifically my obsession with ryuji and goro being terrible... friends??

[adashulaz]

One thing I've noticed about Piltover, not only do they not take disabled people into consideration(i.e. Salo and Viktor), they don't even think about their non-human residents. Steb being the number person to use as my evidence.

Stebs uniform when we first meet him is the typical enforcer uniform. The only difference is you can clearly see that Steb wasn't given a uniform that took his biology into consideration. The collar of the uniform goes up to the fin that's on the back of head/neck, and for fishes fins can be used to feel around them so I doubt having something rubbing up against the end of it all day is comfortable. Not only that but we know that his ears can move and are seen facing more outwards and away from his head, his hat wouldn't allow that and would make it very uncomfortable. The straps of his hat also cover the gils on his jaw and that as well would be uncomfortable, they're silts in his skin that would most likely allow him to breathe underwater so having fabric rub against it would be uncomfortable.

In conclusion, his uniform wasn't made with him in mind. His uniform would be fine for the typical human, the collar might be annoying but not uncomfortable for some. The hat wouldn't cause discomfort as well, it would be like wearing a typical hat or even just like a helmet. But that's for a human, Steb clearly isn't human. He's more fish-esque than human, his biology is different meaning his needs are different. His uniform doesn't fit those needs.

His uniform for Caitlyns striketeam is better suited for his needs(at least some of them). The collar goes out more, it's not rubbing up against his fin. His hat is much different, it's no longer covering his ears and it doesn't have straps that covers his gils.

Obviously Caitlyn had a say on the uniforms because they're part of her striketeam but she also took in Stebs needs and how his old uniform wasn't made with him in mind. So she made the suitable changes, even if they don't seem important, for Steb it most likely made his uniform more comfortable.

His uniform in act3, while it seems different than the others around him based on the fact that it doesn't have a belt and his arm things are black with minimal gold outlines, it still seems like the typical enforcer uniform based on the color scheme. Not only that but it looks similar to his uniform when he was on Caitlyns striketeam.

His collar still pokes out and away from his fin. His hat doesn't cover his ears and it doesn't have a strap that covers his gils.

This uniform takes in his biology, probably more than the two previous ones he wore based on the fact that it looks much more different. Graysons uniform and Marcus' uniform never looked like the one Steb wears in act3 and both of them were of a higher rank than Steb. So it's safe to assume that this new uniform that Steb wears is better sited for his needs.

Basically before all of this, Piltover never took in their non-human residents into consideration when doing things despite having Heimerdinger(a non-human) as a councilor and founder. Steb is a prime example of that, he shows this fact with the different uniforms he wears when on screen.

[yourstrulynobody]

"Let Down (Remastered)" by Radiohead, 3:59-4:15

Will I explain what my interpretation is for this? No.

Will I cry noticing the details I put? Yes.

[araekni]

[ID:

Sawing a Lady in Half they want it to be true and don't want it to be true that they want it to be true

End ID.]

— NICKY BEER, from Real Phonies and Genuine Fakes.

[keferon]

May I ask what were the best transformers media you ever saw/read?

Well Transformers Prime, Transformers 1986 and IDW comics are having the first place that’s for sure

And then the second place is kind of shared by Fall of Cybertron, Exodus, Prime wars trilogy, Robots in disguise(2001) and Transformers One.

The third place goes to G1, Animated, Earthspark, Armada, War for Cybertron Netflix series, Aligned Robots in disguise, Bumblebee, Rise of the Beasts and Cyberverse because I only liked some little parts of them.

And then I also saw some of the Bay movies, Victory and Headmasters and didn’t like them at all.

Separate first place for J-Decker. It is not exactly Transformers but it is a show about giant robots and I loved it

[moyazaika]

hmm

[pact-in-progress]

Thirteen loves freedom. Her symbol is a butterfly which also represents freedom. She speaks her own mind, dresses her own style, lives on her own terms and rather spend time alone so others aren’t a problem.

MC in contrast who felt as if they’ve lost their freedom. Who felt burden ever since S2 (ironically Thirteen's first unnamed mention the lesson before the disaster) and since then were bound by duty to hone their sorcerer skills to protect the human/ 3 realms.

They'd caused damage to it. If they don't work hard to atone and protect the 3 realms they should have been the one stabbed instead

By S4 they were essentially blackmailed into joining the student council and since then worried about contributing with council duties, appearances, demons and their opinions on a human in power, nobles convincing Diavolo the human is a threat, RAD students protesting, Sorcerer’s Society who don’t trust them, all while still keeping up with Solomon's classes, continuing to improve their magic, keeping up with RAD classes and homework, and fitting in as the good human who brings everyone together, spending time with their— when was the last time they've spent time with their friends and loved ones? Once you think about their situation returning from the NB timeline it gets even worse. They still have to figure out what happened and who Nightbringer is, all while MC’s powers spiked up and were then tested by the ones they trusted and while there’s clearly tension between the 3 species & realms.

And then there’s Thirteen.

Thirteen exists outside it all. A reaper who isn’t bound to the Devildom, Celestial Realm, or Human World. She’s also said to be different from other reapers and operate her own way. She’ll only ever involve herself if it interests her —which mainly includes you— but otherwise she doesn’t care for the most part.

MC somehow makes enough time to spend with Thirteen at times in a cafe or walk around shopping helping her find new trap materials. Thirteen doesn’t ask anything from MC except their presence (and compliment her traps, of course). MC doesn’t feel like a threat, burden, or see expectations laid out for them. Even with all her chaos and unpredictability, it somehow brings a sense of comfort. Anyone else would question whether you’re right in the head for that. But with Thirteen MC feels something they don’t feel often anymore: Freedom. They admire her sense of freedom and relish in theirs when they have time to spare with Thirteen. It won’t break them free or entirely unbound, but it makes them feel less trapped. Less alone. They’re not alone.

[genericpuff]

I made this comic back in 2020. It is, unfortunately, even more relevant today than it was back then, and it's only been 4 years.

[fumifooms]

Rin, smiling, and nagging

Rinsha Fana’s character is summarized in a couple facts thrown here and there. Because she worries for him, she follows Kabru to help his cause and protect him, and to nag him. She’s a grumpy angry tsundere, but it seems not only rooted in her attitude but on a deep rooted physical level, to the point where any intense emotion she feels will make her frown and scowl even if it’s genuine joy. Her childhood was half spent ostracized in the tallman community her family lived in and half with the elves, where she’s said to have been treated like an animal.

We don’t know how she was raised exactly or who it even was, but knowing she was "treated like an animal" by the elves taking care of her…

Elves are shown to have a highly hierarchical society, not only with their concern with status such as nobility and the purity of bloodlines but also reflected by its social culture imo. They have high society and etiquette, upmost devotion to the queen, very role-oriented, like cogs in a machine, and as such, it’s a bit skewed since most of what we see of the elves is in a military context with military people but they seem to value having emotions under lock and key to be efficient and not bring dishonor, Flamela is an interesting character on this. Don’t be a bother and do your job until you’re called on, fulfill your role, everything else is extra at best inconvenient at worst.

Personally I do think the canaries kept Rin, it’d make sense that whichever canaries got stuck with the job at the headquarters would be barebones with her and treat her like an ‘impounded article’, they couldn’t find another place for her and this way they can get her report on the events whenever she can speak again in however many years, and this way it makes sense that she could keep in touch with Kabru too. They’re used to prisoners, not kids. Being raised in a military context rather than at some orphanage would shape her further.

All of this to say…

She’d already seen the world’s harshness to those who don’t conform in her hometown, but with the elves? Her disdain for those who had formal education at a magic school?

Wouldn’t she become very concerned with proving she is not an animal, proving that she’s smart and skilled in her own right on her own merit, even without schooling. And to do this she nitpicks and nitpicks, because even being pristine isn’t enough to be respected, but at least it’s not giving others reasons to disrespect and dehumanize her. Learning to school her emotions, to scowl as a defense mechanism because anything else makes her vulnerable, because they don’t care about her as a person with feelings, because showing other expressions was dangerous or punished in some way: because it was fit in or don’t fit in and that’s the difference between having your house burnt down and being tolerated, between getting her food or having her questions answered and being yelled at to shut up… Because all her life she’s been surviving in hostile social environments and at the mercy of others, but unlike Kabru she doesn’t become a people pleaser but becomes very self-reliant and wary of socializing.

So she nitpicks and nitpicks and nags, because she’s worried. Because flaws are dangerous. So she has a hard time smiling and laughing, because it’s dangerous to allow yourself to feel safe in being authentic.

It would be nice…

Is my red, red enough? I'm waiting for your teeth at my throat. It’s only good manners. -Stephanie Valente 

[wandixx]

GIW made a lot of mistakes and the biggest one was going against Young Justice part 2

part one is here

@whimsicalchaosgarden you asked to be tagged, sorry it took so long

Trigger warnings: mentions of experimentation and dehumanization (tell me if there is more appropriate way of phrasing it)

“So,” Robin started, taking the voice recorder out of his utility belt. “It'll probably be best if we get an explanation while making an accident report. This way we get it all over sooner”

Everyone agreed with this idea, standing in the loose circle in the debriefing area to make it all feel more serious. They had limited time before the next batch of cookies needed to be taken out of the oven and there was no way they all wouldn't devolve into chaos when it happened. M’gann knew from experience. 

To make sure they wouldn't take too long and cookies wouldn't turn on the fire alarm (again) both she and Danny set a timer.

In the meantime they had to learn who actually attacked them earlier.

“Phantom do the honors”

Danny froze for a moment, looking like deer caught in the headlight before he asked in a bit squeaky voice:

“How do I make an accident report?”

“Just say what happened but make it sound fancy,” Artemis explained. 

“Make a mission report and we'll fix it along the way,” Kaldur proposed.

“Answer ‘When? Where? Who was involved? What happened? What have you done about it?’ without excessive use of puns to avoid Bat-lecture” Robin helped, already in handstand.

“Bat-lecture? Really Rob?”

“So it's like lab report lite” Danny said before Robin did anything more than squawk indignantly “Alright, I can do it. Do you have any set phrase to start? And which accident report is it, in the database?"

“44th… How about ‘[Hero name], report’? Sounds serious enough.”

Everyone agreed, so after a moment of silence Kaldur did the honors.

“Phantom, report”

Danny straightened, rolling his shoulders back and locked his eyes in the middle distance. It was a bit eerie how fast he went from relaxed and goofy to almost emotionless statue. M’gann wished to never encounter it again, thank you very much.

“Incident report no. 45 made by Young Justice member Phantom, regarding an attack from earlier today, 26th April 20XX. The Young Justice Team, later referred to as the Team, went on a trip to an amusement park staying currently in the city of Happy Harbour. It was an activity meant to strengthen interpersonal relationships within the Team, previously green-lit by Red Tornado. Every member was in civilian attire as per protocol. Around 3:15 PM, after two and a half hours, the Team were disturbed by a group of ten armed people, recognized by member Phantom as belonging to Ghost Investigation Ward, colloquially known as GIW or Guys In White because of their uniforms. Later in the report the organization will be referred to as the GIW. Two shots were fired by the assailants, targeting but not reaching member Phantom. Members of the GIW were hostile but with use of humor and threat of legal actions, the Team managed to diffuse the situation before it endangered passerbys. Despite direct attack, none of the Team members’ identities were compromised. Assailants left the confrontation with belief that Phantom left his ectoplasmic signature on an unrelated civilian. Agents refused to admit they were working for the GIW since its operations break a couple of laws of the state Rhode Island. Because of that, their appearance was reported to local law enforcement and taken care of. No injuries or damage to the city infrastructure were sustained other than two burns in the asphalt in the place of confrontation. Required follow-up with local law enforcement in civilian attire as victims of assault. End of report” Danny sighed, easing back into a more natural position. “This good?” he asked, with a sheepish smile.

“Perfect”

“How are you so good at reporting? You didn’t even know what to do a second ago? That’s just unfair”

“I used to write my parent’s lab reports. It’s pretty similar in form”

“Lab-”

“Follow-up to the report only, Kid-Flash,” Robin interrupted “Phantom. elaborate on who were the assailants”

Danny stepped back from himself again.

“GIW is a ghost hunting organization supported and accredited by the state government in Illinois, legally operating also in states Wisconsin and Ohio. Their goal is to catch and examine ecto-entities to learn more about their biology and ways to obliterate them. Obviously their plans for experimentation don’t include consideration of ghosts’ well-being”

“Damn, that’s messed up”

“They wouldn't catch a blob ghost if they tried,” Danny shrugged, though something was wrong with the gesture. She wasn't sure though, so she moved on.

“Then why were you scared?” M’gann pressed on instead.

“My parents… are, you know, prominent ghost hunters so when GIW opened we all got a tour around the whole building. The lab was… it made me imagine things I wished I had never thought about”

“They have labs? Like evil labs?” Robin perked up like a kid who just heard that Christmas came early. “How could you hide it from us?!” he added, falling to hang on Danny's shoulder. He twirled a bit to catch the left one even though before he stood on halfa’s right side. Dramatic as always “Conner, we have a birthday gift for you!”

“What does GIW’s lab have to do with my birthday?”

“The potential!” Robin yelled, straightening for a better effect.

Everyone started laughing. Well, everyone other than Conner who just looked at them confused.

“He probably wants to storm another lab, bring up nostalgia of our first meeting,” Kaldur calmed down just enough to explain.

“Tell me you wouldn't like to punch an evil scientist,” Wally added, almost dropping to the floor. 

“This does sound nice”

“And THIS is exactly the reason why I haven't told you all. Thanks for spoiling my surprise Rob,” Danny lied, though he did his best to sound truthful. He even projected some false mirth.

It would take much more to trick M’gann though. She abruptly stopped laughing.

“You're lying. Why actually haven't you told us?” she demanded maybe a little too harshly, but she was worried. Everyone froze for a moment, before turning to look at Danny.

“They're all bark no bite, and aim worse than Stormtroopers’, so I haven't considered them important enough to report”

Other's didn’t know, of course, but M’gann knew just how terrified Danny was during the confrontation and how echoes of that fear soured air around him even hours later.

Everyone did realize this explanation was a tone of bullshit though. 

Apparently incredulous stares were enough of the response.

“You and the Justice League have more important things to deal with than some shitty local laws”

“Bullshit again,” Artemis burst her lips “This is exactly what Justice League is for”

“I already found people to help me lobby against them”

“And why aren't we on the list?” 

Danny fell silent, not looking anyone in the eyes, which was quite a feat considering they had him in a half circle. M’gann considered moving to his side to show her support. Stare down like that had to be quite stressful.

Why not actually. She stepped closer, and drew him in the loose side hug. Danny tensed, which wasn't abnormal for him. He usually relaxed in about thirty seconds, if he didn't, she'd let go.

“I didn't expect them to breach the containment…”

“Each of these lies is worse, you know? Like, insulting our intelligence level of worse,” Artemis interrupted once more, pinning him with her eyes alone “Give us truth or stop talking”

Danny raised his head to look back at Artemis and mimed zipping his mouth shut and throwing the key away. 

“Really?”

Boy just shrugged, not breaking eye contact.

“Alright, let's move on to the next question, how did it get approved in the first place?” Wally interrupted, waving his hand between them. They both shook off like dogs fresh out of water.

“Couldn't you wait five more seconds until I won?” 

“Ha! You wish Artemis. Though you could give us a moment”

“I gave you literal ages”

Danny snorted “Sorry, I keep forgetting how impatient you are”

“Oh shut up, my brain is just faster than yours, you slowpokes”

“Sure, sure”

“He made a good point,” Kaldur said “This shouldn’t even pass. And even if, you’re legally a Meta”

“Normal ghosts aren’t and halfas being a thing is not exactly common knowledge among the living”

“I’ll never get used to this distinction”

“I believe in you, Rob”

“What about ‘Extraterrestrial, extradimensional and otherwise previously unincluded’ Optional Protocol to the ‘International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights’?”

“Oh my god Conner, you’re the only person to say the whole name ever”

“Hey!”

“It all comes down to the definition of the ghost and the fact that Alien addition uses sentience and sapience as a ground to give anyone said rights. And also, US signed it but didn’t ratify it so…”

“Isn’t it same thing?”

“Nope. I thought so too, but apparently signing anything means nothing unless it’s also ratified, so I’m kinda fucked. Can’t even get the UN to frown at them disapprovingly, because officially, nothing was agreed to. And you know, even if they ratified it, ecto-scientists conducted enough research to prove we aren’t sapient enough to have these rights anyway. Just most of the states didn’t need to make a law out of it”

“That’s rough buddy”

“Are you really quoting Avatar at me right now? Really Artemis?”

“Yes”

“Wasn’t Avatar this movie with blue people? I don’t think they said that there”

M’gann wasn’t quite sure why human members seemed to be appalled by the question.

“We’re going to fix that later-”

“What exactly is there to be fixed, because I feel like we’re talking about to different things”

“- but for now can we go back to the whole ‘ghosts have no rights in Illinois’ thing” Robin continued, completely ignoring Conner’s questions.

“Illinois, Wisconsin and Ohio. There are portals to the Zone in two of these states. GIW already tried to send nuke through one of them”

“How Americana of them,” Kaldur muttered.

“If you have another insane tidbit about them, please share it all now. My mind can’t utilize any more revelations like that”

“I handled it, don’t worry”

“Someone tried to nuke literal Afterlife…”

“Yup, get on the schedule Kid Flash. You’re supposed to be fast”

M’gann knocked her arm into his, kinda as a ‘don’t be mean’ message. Danny kinda tensed, but soon relaxed back and moved his head as if he wanted to lay it on her shoulder. Excitement of the day was clearly catching up to him.

M’gann wouldn’t be mad if he did laid his head there.

“Why do we learn about it just now?”

“I wrote the report, not my fault you haven’t read it”

“Can’t fault us for assuming we’d know every important thing from your endless bitching!”

Danny straightened and laughed, in this horrible humorless way that made M’gann want to claw at her brain until she couldn’t hear or sense any of it.

Instead, she brought her other hand up and just held him tighter.

Thankfully the whole spectacle didn’t last long.

“It’s cute that you think I bitch about anything important”

“Phantom…”

“Don’t Phantom me right now. Even if by some miracle they managed to send the missile to the Zone, it most likely wouldn’t have worked. They’re mostly just a joke.”

“They managed to shot you. Right upper arm or shoulder”

“Don’t deny it, we’ve seen you wince when I leaned on you and when M’gann hugged you”

Martian tried to let go hearing that, but Danny held her in place. She stayed where she was but carefully moved her hand away from the slightly damp area on his shirt. She suddenly caught on everything that was wrong with him, now that she knew to look for it.

“I got worse from the hand of my house’s security system”

“You… understand that it’s… like… way worse, right?”

“You don’t know life until you hear threats of dissection against your alter ego after stopping death ray with bowl of cereal,” he said, relaxing more into her side again. He sounded absolutely exhausted.

“Do you want to move in here? Until we deal with this whole GIW and assorted mess?” she said instead. Conner nodded, surprisingly eager to share the space that he considered somewhat sacred.

“Nope, I’m good, I’m needed there”

“You could Zeta- yeah, no, nevermind, it wasn’t good idea. But we could make it work”

“You still should-”

“It’s fine. I mean, I have it handled and it doesn’t affect that many people. And we’re working on it. It’s fine”

“It really is not,” Conner growled.

“You need your arm patched up” M’gann demanded, ignoring previous conversation, with eyes still fixed on the blood that stained her forearm. She should’ve destroyed at least Operative K.

“I bandaged it up”

“It soaked through then. Let’s go to med–”

Loud shrill interrupted her, because of course it did.

“Oh, look, convenient distraction! Let’s take the cookies out before they get burned!”

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow,” M’gann stated in a way that allowed no argument “You’re getting away for now only because I’m holding most of your weight right now”

“Sure we will. And I can stand on my own, thank you very much”

“I’ve heard many lies today and this might be the worst of them. We’re going to Medbay as soon as the cookies are out”

“You’ve got it boss”

[torglives]

BPD & TR Pangi

!! HOUSEKEEPING: Pangi is very morally questionable, this is an undebatable trait of every single mcrp character to ever exist. Many of the things he does are dramatized and violent, because it is the playing-field in which his character and story lives. These traits are not exclusive to him, nor is this to say that BPD is an inherently violent or "evil" disorder. -- Every mention of Pangi going forward will be without the character tag.

To interpret Pangi as someone with BPD, we first have to establish a base-line. What are the broader, more obvious strokes of his character?

"Both separation anxiety and BPD are characterized by fear of abandonment, but problems with impulsivity, identity, and interpersonal functioning are needed to diagnose BPD." (x)

"There is [Pangi], who, I feel like you have separation anxiety to some degree. [It is] the way that your character is traumatized, and built, and works." (x)

The second quote, from Pili, brings up an interesting point: Pangi does have separation anxiety to some degree, but he says that it's from the way that Pangi is traumatized. It's an obvious hint to both his previous experience on the server, and his previous experience off-server; and as much as we joke about it as being paranoia, it does function as a trauma response in a lot of ways. He experiences both paranoia and trauma. It's not difficult to make the claim that Pangi also displays symptoms of PTSD, and it's not an incorrect claim to make. He absolutely fits the bill for all four symptom categories: intrusive memories, avoidance, negative changes in thinking/mood, and changes in physical/emotional reactions. I feel as though this is a widely-accepted consensus, so I won't be going into detail.

We have established that Pangi's character is, in fact, traumatized (which is nothing out of the ordinary for a mcrp character,) and that Pili is correct in his claim that Pangi's separation anxiety and intense fear of abandonment stem from a trauma response. It's how he's built, and how he's adapted to the world around him.

Is it just the case that Pangi suffers from separation anxiety and occasionally deals with instability? Well... no. In fact, I'd argue that Pangi is characterized by his instability and impulsivity. These traits can be found in almost every aspect of his person. "A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, and marked impulsivity [...] present in a variety of contexts." (x)

... Okay, so what is the diagnostic criteria for BPD? (x)

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

I've already spoken about Pangi's issues with abandonment (x) and I don't want to sound like a broken record, so I won't repeat my previous points in this post in any significant detail. In terms of trying to avoid abandonment, Pangi does this by making himself seem useful/desirable. If he can offer something to someone, in the form of protection/violence, then he believes they'll stick around. In order to avoid abandonment, Pangi will also take any sort of withdrawl/upset with him or his actions as abandonment.

The other day, Aimsey and Lukey were upset with him, and he immediately believed he had to go "lone-wolf," because obviously they didn't want him anymore. He decides the best possible response to potential abandonment is to isolate himself. He has a pattern on the realm where he'll try to leave first so that people don't get the opportunity to leave him after he gets the first taste of what he perceives to be betrayal/abandonment. Of course, that little fact ties into betrayal and abandonment being the same thing to him. Historically, they have been the same thing, so Pangi has no reason to believe otherwise.

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealisation and devaluation

Pangi does have black/white, all/nothing thinking. While he himself is a morally grey individual, he struggles to see the shades of grey in others. Pangi's definition of "good" and "bad" are not typical by any means, and follow closer towards what he believes to be justified and unjustified. Does this affect his interpersonal relationships, though, is the question? Well, yes. A little more ambiguously than say, Ros, who I can point out several solid examples for, but he does live by this train of thought. I mean, the previous point of him packing up and leaving when someone does something that he believes is an attack against him can undoubtedly be an example of this. He's very quick to pull a 180 when people don't meet the expectations he has of them, and react accordingly.

We can also look at things like, how he reacted to Ros flooding the cathedral. He gets angry, resentful, the angriest he's ever been at her, and doesn't understand why she would possibly to this to him. She does something that conflicts with the image he has of her in his head, the pedestal he believes her to be on, she does something which he sees as betrayal. Abandonment. She's dead to him. He splits.

3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

This one is really interesting, because despite how reputation-oriented Pangi is, he has an insanely unstable image and sense of self. For starters, Pangi seeks excessive validation from the people who he's surrounded by. He actively looks for reassurance in everything he does. Pangi has ideas of what he "should" be, what he's "supposed" to be, and his entire sense of self will change based on how he's being perceived at any given moment. Either way, he is very driven by this idea of his own "reputation," and when he so frequently feels things that contradict that image... the image becomes blurry and unclear, and he's left unsure of who he actually is. So, the image will adapt. And adapt. And adapt.

Identity disturbance can be characterized by a shift in goals/ideals, which is incredibly common for Pangi: he will often set out plans that align with his current identity, and abandon them down the road when that identity is challenged or changes. These things are also results of his emotional drive, and "who he is" depends on how he's feeling on that given day.

Identity disturbance can also cause issues in your relationships, as people affected may struggle understanding their own needs/boundaries when they're relating to another person (x), which is something Pangi absolutely struggles with. Pangi is often very ready to forgo his own boundaries and feelings about things when he believes they can potentially jeopardize a relationship he values. Oftentimes, he'll express frustration over something, be met with a negative response, and then decide to put aside that frustration to keep another person content. He will then mold how he reacts based on how he's "wanted" to react. Obviously, Pangi is very prone to acting out on emotion, so these "molds" don't last long, adding to that instability. He's unable to clearly outline his needs/wants, because he's unsure of what they are, because they are so dependant on unpredictable variables. Who he is, is an unpredictable variable.

4/5. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging / Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour

** The DSM5 strictly states that criteria four and five are separate, but because this is Minecraft, a lot of Pangi's impulsive behaviours can be argued as some form of self-harm. The line between what is and isn't is very blurred, as are his intentions when doing these actions, so I've combined them into the same category for this reason. They are still different points, and I will clarify when I believe something is specific, but I'm just confining them to a single area.

Pangi is impulsive. That should require no convincing, if you've paid any attention to his character. Pangi will often act out suddenly and on a whim, and these actions will cause massive problems for himself and others. This impulsivity is not only present in the minor parts of his character and personality, but also in his major storylines. Pangi decides, on an impulse, he's going to experiment with the weird purple crystals growing out of the ground, and does so excessively and in an uncontrolled environment. He is aware of the risks, is warned by Keepers that he's "dooming" himself, but chooses to do so anyway with no regard for his own well-being. Many of his impulsive behaviours have been related to the corruption, and there's an argument to be made that his relationship with the corruption is intentionally self-harming. The duel is arguably an impulsive behaviour too, Pangi feels that he's bored, and in-order to feel fulfilled again, he chases adrenaline through something deadly and something that will give him purpose. Months ago, back in December, he and Pili have an argument, and he decides he's going to kill people. Most of Pangi's impulses are violent. He needs a steady stream of catastrophe to feel like a person, essentially.

Pangi is less suicidal in theory than he has been in practice. I know that sounds like a crazy thing to say. He is, by all means, a survivalist... isn't he? He says he is, he's effective in staying alive, but how willing is he to live? Recently, of course, very; he spent his last few days before succumbing to the corruption talking about how much he values life, how much he appreciates being alive. Pangi keeps everything he needs to survive on his person at all times, and avoids situations that danger his life. Except... for that one time.

Pangi has expressed suicidal behaviour, but not recently enough to consider it recurrent. Most of his previous ideation can be sorted into the category of threats rather than actions. For example: as Pili was preparing to fight Clown, Pangi threatens to kill himself several times. Not as a joke, not to lighten to mood, he means it with genuine intent: "If you die, I'm gonna kill myself. Pili, I don't think I want to live in a world without you." - "You have an entire life to live," - "Not without you." -> When overwhelmed with the thought of losing Pili, with that emotion, Pangi verbally threatens to kill himself. This is one of the few times he shares this out loud, the extent of it, but not the only time he expresses intent to follow through with it. Most, if not all, of his suicidal behaviours were after losing Pili, and before he was sent to the null. In my head I like to refer to this as the Dark Times in the Pangi lore, because he was so entirely miserable. Again, worth noting, that all of those instances were because he was very unstable and felt no tether to reality, they were spawned out of a heavy grief. Pangi spent a lot of this time separated from the world and willing to behave even more rashly than he usually does--which is to say that it's not typical for his character, but still worth mentioning. A lot of his actions during this time can also be considered impulsive behaviour that happened to be self-damaging rather than actively self-damaging.

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g. intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

I feel like I've already spoken in depth about Pangi's affective instability, and his reactive mood needs no introduction. Pangi experiences rapid, extremely intense, shifts in mood, however they never last very long at all. Most of his conflicts start the same way: something will happen and it will cause Pangi to react negatively, he'll act out on that emotion, and then regret it later, because they tend to fade pretty fast. He's sworn to go on several villain arcs, rampages, killing sprees, when he's angry, but never follows through with them. By the time it comes around again, he's moved on from feeling that way. This not only happens with his anger, but other feelings: anxiousness, sadness, and irritability. This is one of the main reasons why Pangi seems so wishy-washy when it comes to his plans, because the emotions that he bases them off of are always extremely intense and extremely brief.

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness

Pangi is always chasing some sense of fulfillment. He is constantly unsatisfied and feels the need to do more, to find some bigger purpose or sense of identity.

While speaking with Newt a handful of weeks ago, Pangi says "Does it feel empty? Like there's something missing?" (x) when discussing their memory loss, and then the day after, he tells Bad that while he was corrupted he felt "as normal," just a little weird. Maybe it's a slight stretch to say that this is evidence that Pangi always feels as though there's something missing, but honestly, his character patterns make it clear that this is true.

This has been increasingly obvious recently, after the Lifesteal finale (which, heightened feelings of chronic emptiness have been linked to relieving traumatic events (x),) where he has very openly expressed un-fulfillment. Chronic emptiness typically occurs when you're not well distracted by something, which is highlighted by Pangi's boredom with peace. He has no distraction, and has become overtaken by a feeling of purposelessness, so he finds it in things that will not only provide a decent distraction, but give him a concrete goal to look towards. The duel with Aimsey, the OSC, etc. Pangi seeks out things that will "fill" him, or give him meaning. Things that will tether him back to reality, and make him work with the people around him. (If you watched a single Pangi stream after he agreed to duel with Aimsey, you would've heard him say this. It was the only thing he could talk about, how excited he was to finally have a purpose again, to have a reason to do things, to have something to look forward to.)

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger

"Sometimes, my emotions just take over."

Christ, if Pangi isn't angry. Again, this is not only one of the symptoms that feel more surface-level and easy to notice, but one of the ones that I've kind of already spoken in length about. For those reasons, I'll keep it brief. I don't want to run the risk of repeating myself over and over.

We've already discussed Pangi's intense emotion, obviously this also includes his anger, and his difficulty reining in his emotions. But, is it fair to consider his anger inappropriate? Yes. Pangi is very quick to anger when something sets him off, and it's not uncommon for him to get upset over things that others would consider harmless fun/jokes, or minor disagreements, or questions about his competency. Especially when he feels as if he's been disrespected.

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

I don't know, do you guys think Pangi suffers from paranoia? I've never seen him paranoid in my life. I've never seen him show any dissociative symptoms or suspicion, especially not when he's confronted by the threat of abandonment. If you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. Here's a small compilation from the day he argued with Aimsey and Lukey about the egg (x), for your viewing pleasure.

Pangi is always paranoid, but it does get significantly worse when he's stressed, especially when he's stressed about being abandoned. Recall that Pangi considers betrayal and abandonment to be the same thing, and they trigger the same response in him. Relating to the compilation linked above, Pangi is convinced that Lukey and Aimsey are going to betray his trust in some way, he believes they are going to kill him, abandon him, and so he completely disassociates from everything he knows to be true about them, and immediately jumps to the conclusion that they are trying to kill or trap him. He grows increasingly suspicious of them, even though they have given him no reason to be suspicious at all. He believes that they are plotting against him, are involved in some major conspiracy to kill him... with little to no reason. These thoughts, of course, are always spurred on by the cause of stress, and as that stressor subsides, so will the thoughts.

So...

In order to be considered for a BPD diagnosis, you must display at least five out of the nine symptoms above. Pangi displays, at the very least, eight out of the nine symptoms, without counting recurring suicidal ideation/threats. Which is a lot.

Obviously, I don't think this is an intentional character decision, nor do I consider him representation, it is just one of the many ways to look at his character. Most of these symptoms are already integral parts of his character, and are all undoubtably intertwined with each other.

Interpreting Pangi as borderline is very far from a groundless belief. There are piles of evidence to support it, and even then, I've only included major examples of the symptoms; as much as I love his character, I obviously cannot remember every instance in which he displayed one of these traits. I only really scratched the surface of each, because this post is long enough already, but there’s definitely more to discuss.