#top phil lester

[donnieisonfire]

Dan from Law,

Phil from Media & Editing

is that how it goes? it’s been so long i forgor…

hey poo poos. its been a while, huh…i know, i know, i said i’d publish this the FIRST OF DECEMBER…but ya boy was a bit busy, gimme a breaaaak. anyways…here with a longer chapter to make up for it. enjoy. no smut. just a buncha gay boys and angst. as usual, tags under the cut :3

AO3 LINK

MASTERLIST OF THE CHAPTERS

jump scare, heart eyes howell

Tags :

Basically just fluff, a bit of angst. Mentions of Dan being outted, Dan having a sliiight panic attack?, Phil is allergic asf to cats, ADORABLE CAAATTTSSS, enjoy poo poos xox

Dan and Phil had exchanged numbers after around 30 minutes of talking on Grindr. Dan was just managing to wrap his head around the fact that fucking Phil was some variation of queer. Then, Phil proposed they meet up. For a date. Phil wanted Dan. Whether it was romantic or platonic, Dan was never going to reject that.

It was around midday by now, a little too late to go to a café because of the daylight savings, so they arranged to meet somewhere called ‘La Chat’. It was some French cat café, something that Dan couldn’t afford, but he’d be damned if he didn’t dig into his savings for this “date” with Phil. This might be his only opportunity.

Phil had been texting Dan about how he’d “have to slam back 10 antihistamines" because he’s allergic, but that he didn't mind because he would "rather die than not visit a cat café at all possible opportunities.’’

So, Phil was taking Dan out on yet another coffee date, and he didn't care about the fact that he was going to be sniffling the entire time. And goddamnit, Dan didn’t care either.

The next day, Dan woke up, showered, put on his ugliest knitted sweater as he thought it would beautifully fit the theme (it did) and some fuck ass jeans that most definitely didn’t fit him but were the only pair on his floor that weren’t, like, completely dirty, and then drove towards the cafe.

When he was in the shower earlier that same morning, he had debated not straightening his hair but leaving it, keeping it natural. That’s what his mother always used to say, ‘Girls want you naturally, Daniel’, but he quickly shot down the idea. What did his mother know? Anyway, no girl ever wanted him, naturally or not, so he decided on straightening his hair down. It was all he knew, after all.

His heart was pounding the entire time while he drove, his head a mess and his forehead just a ‘tiny’ bit sweaty, which only helped to slick his hair down to be even more pinstraight, even if it looked a little unnatural.

Maybe, in Dan’s dream world, when Phil and him had been together for a few months, he would let him see his hair. The way it looked just so shockingly different curled, how his fringe looked shorter when he didn’t use his shitty poundland-fake version of a GHD straightener to burn his hair to a crisp. Maybe, if Phil didn’t up and leave after a week or so of Daniel’s messed up self -- his self esteem issues, his bi-weekly existential crises’, his problems with procrastination despite his perfectionist mindset -- maybe he’d let Phil in. Maybe, just maybe, he’d let Phil see him, the imperfection of his hair caused by the years of heat damage.

Possibly.

–

Dan’s shitty ford fiesta slows down to a stop a few feet away from ‘La Chat’. Well, where maps said it was anyway. Dan had never come down this part of London, this was the ‘fancier’ part of London. It wasn’t ever really in Dan’s price range, and it was about a 20 minute diversion from the only route he went out in his car (his commute to work), so he had never seen the street the cafe was down, didn’t even recognise the name of the street, let alone know his own way to the cafe.

Dan was apprehensive to get out of his car, and, momentarily, he felt trapped. Trapped within a 1.1 tonne lump of pissing metal. Trapped within a moving death machine, but it felt safe. Safer than going outside, safer than going into that cafe. Safer than the possibility that Phil would stand him up. Safer than the fact this might’ve all been a lie, that the same thing that happened in Wokingham when he was 17 would repeat, that everyone would find he’s…whatever he is, gay, queer, it didn’t matter. He wanted to keep this a secret, a thing he would keep locked away until the guilt of it all was overpowered by stupid lust, until he didn’t care. But Phil, the mere idea of Phil, made that guilt slowly dissipate.

He took a large breath and refused to let it leave until he stepped out the car. After about 4 seconds, he climbed his awkwardly lanky body out of his shitty fiesta and he exhaled. It would be okay. Phil seemed nice, the idea of Phil and coffee seemed concrete, correct. In his mind, if Phil really wanted to stand him up, then he would pick somewhere shittier, - a bar, possibly - a place Phil wouldn’t regularly go to, not a cafe. Dan didn’t know a lot about Phil, but he knew he liked - loved - coffee.

Dan took a few steps, then he saw one of those foldable chalkboards with a ginger cat drawn in chalk with ‘’Sandwich + Milkshake for £12 every Tuesday, 4-6’’ next to it, written in blue chalk.

And then, without even having to look up and see the ‘Le Chat’ sign above the cafe and its large windows, he knew he was in the correct place. Expensive food, expensive drinks, shitty deals.

He looks up, still at least 5 steps from the door. His heart pounded even harder than it already was, from leaving the safe confines of his car, when he saw Phil in one of the booth’s near the window. He intently watched Phil for a few moments, watching – studying – what he did when he was alone.

Phil stood up inside the cafe, walking towards the male bathrooms. Dan watched him sneeze once, then again, then bump into a tall woman, wearing the ‘La Chat’ uniform, with a sandwich in her arms on a plate. The woman proceeded to drop the plate and Phil was apologising, while he continued to sneeze. A cat jumped atop of his table, poking its paw innocently in his cup, getting cat hair all in his coffee.

The whole scene was chaotic, yet it calmed Dan’s nerves as he stepped closer to the cafe. Chaos was regular for Dan, calmed him, made the world feel a bit more real, less worrying. Phil might be able to possibly size up to how chaotic he was. Possibly. Probably not, but possibly.

Dan watches as Phil stumbles off to the bathroom. He walks into the Cafe, hearing a little dingle above him from a bell attached to the door. No one looks over, relievingly. Except a waitress, the same waitress that Phil had knocked over.

‘’Hello. Do you need a seat?’’ She says. Dan shakes his head, ‘’No, I’m meeting someone. They’re already here. Thanks.’’ Dan internally cringed and slapped himself for saying ‘They’re’ instead of ‘he’s’. He was trying to get over the embarrassment of being gay, or whatever he was, and fixing small bits in how he spoke was a step in that direction; it just wasn’t that easy. At all.

The woman nods and walks into the back of the kitchen, presumably to ring in another sandwich to replace the one Phil had made her drop. Dan walks towards the booth that Phil `had been sitting at. There was a ginger cat on the table, splayed out, belly-up to the ceiling.

“God, I’d love to be a cat for a day.” A familiar voice spoke behind him as he sat down at the booth. He turned his head to his left, and there was Phil. Dan flashes Phil his most ‘I didn’t nearly cry in the car over here’ smile, which ended up being an awkward smile, but it got his whole ‘I’m happy to be here’ idea across, which was what he wanted.

[reunitedinterlude]

phil trash number one

bonus:

[philssluttylittlecroptop]

Something casual dnp phans don't get about the rest of us, is that, we aren't dying because they're being cute and gay and we think that they would make a cute couple, but that they feel comfortable acting like that publicly.

They feel comfortable acting like two gay, over the age of 30 men who have lived together like 12+ years on camera and not feeling the need to hide anything. That's why we are excited. That's what's killing us.

STOP GIVING ME WEIRD LOOKS FOR BEING HAPPY THAT TWO INTERNET STRANGERS CAN BE HAPPY IN PUBLIC. SHUT UP IM NOT THE PROBLEM.

[catgirldjh]

didn’t the gay month was over?

[amid-fandoms]

im revisiting last night’s hellstorm and tell me why dan pulls phil at ‘who is bossier?’ and looks ready to get down on one knee

[phivega]

our favorite vampire 🧛‍♂️

[zackstriker]

im still at “do you know what i’d call my children if they had your last name?”

[bitchslapblastoids]

see the thing is …. “im not going to confirm or deny” but the thing is …. you aren’t exactly helping your case here with these … specific full body reactions my dude

[proudsnackeezowner]

What do yall mean #phan #< for the bit??? BIT?? Guys this is our culture, our history, our legacy. Reject modernity embrace tradition and what not. You're a phannie, own up, tag phan without remorse or shame 🗣

[legendarydragonperson]

You know what's SICK about Hometown Showdown is that they share the isolating parts of their childhood while walking next to their literal best friend that's so familiar they're like a piece of furniture, companion through life, like their actual soulmate, all while they have one home to come back to that they made TOGETHER 🤢

[donnieisonfire]

Dan from Law,

Phil from Media & Editing

hi yall!!! chapter 2 woooooo :) there is smut in this, so minors fuck awwwwff sos. basically, dan JORKS IT and regrets it when phil takes him out for coffee

AO3 link - Chapter One!

tags :

- office au dan & phil

- porn with plot

- masturbation

- post nut clarity (sorry dan)

- mentions of stupidly expensive coffee (sorry phil’s wallet)

Daniel couldn’t spend more than 5 hours without his brain attacking him with thoughts of the blonde from floor 6 (the media & editing floor.)

When he was driving home from work, when he was boiling the kettle for his 2nd pot noodle of the day, when he was in the shower, when his hand was moving down to his cock while he laid splayed out on his ned as he dried from his shower.

Dan’s eyes flutter shut, a soft hum leaving his throat as he wraps his lanky-bitch hands around the base of his semi-chubbed dick. His mind flicks to Phil’s soft features, he had a bit of baby fat, even if he seemed a few years older than Dan.

Dan continued to lazily stroke himself, quickening as he firmed up, to the mental thought of Phil. The fact his height wouldn’t be a problem if they were to kiss, the fact Phil teased him back about the way he wrote his name on that fuck-ass napkin, the way that his bleacher-blonde hair was growing out and he could see about 2 inches of brown hair.

His hair, fuck, he’d love to grab it as he pushed Phil down on him. His hair looked soft, freshly washed and conditioned. Fuck, what Dan would do to fuck a dude with genuinely decent hygiene standards. Focus, Dan, focus.

His hand quickened as he mentally pictured Phil sucking on him, him pushing his head down until Phil’s head would push against his pubic bone. Dan let out a soft ‘Fuck, Phil-‘ as his hips stutter, pushing up before his abdomen was painted with his come.

He waited until his legs stopped feeling like they might collapse before he trudges over to his bathroom and cleans himself up. He looks in the small round bathroom above his toilet as he takes a leak after he cleans the cum off his stomach. He grimaces at himself, a bit disgusted with himself after what he just done. Fuck.

***

Dan was in his cubicle, finishing typing a contract up. His brain wouldn’t let him sleep the night prior, filled with guilt over wanking over some random blonde man that probably wasn’t even queer, let alone interested in him. He felt the effects of the sleep deprivation undoubtedly, pushing his face into his hand. He wished he could shut off his mind, destroy all responsibilities and just sleep.

He decides to pause on his contract, walking across the floor to the shared kitchen. He opens the kitchen, grabbing a plain red mug with the company logo on it (as his precious Yoda mug resting in his cupboard at home, safe) and pours some Nescafé granules into the cup.

The kettle only started hissing as “Hello, Dan from Law.”

Dan turns his head, “Oh. Hello, Phil from Media and Editing.” he mutters. His head flashes back to last night, when his hand was wrapped around his dick, the thought of Phil his mental wank bank for the night. Guilt hit again. He stares down at his granules in his cup, hoping that if he stared hard enough, Phil and all of his memories of Phil would disappear.

The kettle’s switch flips, signalling it was boiled. Dan clears his throat and pours the boiled water on-top of his granules. He reaches for sugar, and- “Oh, for fucks sake.” Dan grumbles. There is none, because, of course there’s none.

“You could always come christen the Costa with me? Y’know, the one in the lobby?” Phil offers, “They just put out the Christmas drinks menu, I wanna try ‘em.” He continues.

Dan looks over, “I can’t. It’s like a fiver for a coffee there.” he sighs. Maybe it was an excuse, but there was some truth behind it. He wasn’t able to just splurge on a Costa whenever his coffee wouldn’t be perfect.

“My treat.” Phil really wanted Dan to share this coffee with him, shit.

Dan nods, “Okay. I’ll take my 15 minute. I’ll meet you there.” he promises.

***

Dan presses the ‘F1’ button on the elevator, giving a small “Hey.” to the other woman in the elevator as he entered and done so. Soon enough, he’s on floor one, and walking towards the Costa. It’ll be nice to have a coffee made by someone other than himself, for once. And it won’t cost him a penny.

It may cost him his dignity, having to stare into the eyes of the unsuspecting dude who he wanked off to the night previous, however, free coffee.

“Hey.” Dan says, walking over to Phil, who was sitting at a high-top table. Phil smiles at him, “You didn’t ditch.”

“Indeed I did not.” Dan looks over at whatever Phil was cradling inbetween his hands, stealing the warmth, making the cold Winter’s of London even a little less brutal for himself.

“What do you want?” Phil asks, standing up. “Again, my treat. I get paid pretty good.” Dan notices how expressive he was with him hands, how bad was it that he was envisioning those hands wrapped around him? God, he needed his brain to shut up. Or a random Grindr hookup. That might work.

“Uhm. Just a coffee, a bit of milk. Half a sugar.” Dan answers, following Phil like a fucking lost puppy as he stands up and begins to queue up. “So, Phil from media.” Dan starts, “What’d you get?”

Phil looks down at his cup. “Some mix of a frappé and a hot chocolate. With like, 4 sugars. And whipped cream.”

Sweet. So sweet. Dan cringed a bit at the mere thought of taking a sip of that. “How are you not bouncing off the fucking walls?” Dan snorts.

Phil shrugs, “Just doesn’t affect me.” he answers as he walks up to the counter, them being the first in the queue now. “Coffee, please. Some milk, half a sugar.” Phil said his order for him?? Cool. No awkward line-smiling at the barista that doesn’t want to be there any more than he does.

Phil taps his card as he chats to Dan. They wait for Dan’s coffee to be put on the counter and then they walk back to the table. “Thanks, man.” Phil only nods in reply to Dan’s thanks.

They sit down at the high-top table, there were multiple coffee cup stains on the table. ‘Mhmm. Atmospheric coffee stains.’ Dan thinks.

“So, you only just started?” Dan asks, taking a sip of his coffee. Fuck, now that was the good stuff. “It’s pretty nice here. Pay’s a bit shit for apprentices though.” Dan says, referring to himself when he said apprentices.

“Yeah, started last…Wednesday? I think?” He says, cocking his head to the side slightly, pushing his shoulders up into a shrug before pushing some of his drink’s whipped cream onto his finger and pushing the digit into his mouth, drinking down the cream while staring directly into Dan’s eyes.

Fuck, Dan wouldn’t forget that easily.

‘He must’ve known what he was doing there..’ Dan’s head whirrs, but Phil’s guilt-free expression when he takes his finger out his mouth and dries it off on a napkin says otherwise.

“Cool. Right.” Dan mumbled, voice muffled against the lid of his coffee before taking a big gulp. He didn’t care about if it burnt his mouth, he cared more about distracting his brain from flooding blood to his dick.

[reunitedinterlude]

tati to my nof <3

[isthisadrawingiseebeforeme]

when dan interjects 0.1 seconds into a phil vid u kno its gonna be good

[humhowellujah]

i'm drunk off two lavender martinis what the fuck do you MEAN dan and phil went on a step by step recreation of their japan trip as a part of a HONEYMOON episode for their sims. be so fr rn be so serious please. dan howell you have 4 minutes to respond . phil, keep it up babygirl. lavender martini recipe in the tags

[amid-fandoms]

princess babygirl in three different fonts . *. ⋆

[blossoms-phan]

dan could never