#too self aware

[tooselfaware]

Ever since I heard "Safe and Sound" in the end credits of The Hunger Games movie (I was like 14 or 15 back then), it randomly plays in my mind during emotional scenes while I'm reading.

It's like my brain makes an AMV with it and makes me feel more, sometimes too much.

And now I'm an adult swinging from "numb" to "breakdown because too much feelings" and it sends me to breakdown mode so fast. Why did my brain train my body to react this way? I'm already not okay. Stop making me more not okay!

[akcartoonist2004]

I keep on having these thoughts about stuff I’m becoming too self-aware and questioning a lot.. so I just went in ahead to draw this as a Vent…

[karda]

is it the stillness that makes you shake?

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Why self-diagnosed autistics are valid

medical diagnosis can be expensive

humans are the experts on their own minds

family may prevent assessment

diagnosis criteria is a poor checklist of stereotypes

diagnosis criteria ignores gender, race, sexuality, culture & more

medical diagnosis confirms autism, but doesn't create it

discrimination within the medical profession may prevent diagnosis.

Assessment waiting lists often long

medical trauma may make assessment unfeasible

Neurodiverse Journeys

[namelessgakusei]

Imagine, self aware men, who, some time after you picked up their comic to read, started noticing your presence.

It was faint, at first, just the feeling of someone watching them from afar, barely noticeable if not for their keen senses. He thinks it's a villain stalking him, or an alien too shy to ask for his help, but everytime he turns around, there's no one. Heck, he doesn't feel you behind him, you're everywhere!

Self aware men who, starts to notice something. You're not there every second of the day, only when something's happening, like when fighting off criminals or a major disaster. He starts to think that you're the reason for all of it, thinking that whenever he feels your presence, something's about to happen.

But then you're also there for the quiet moments. Those times when he doesn't have to be who he is in the public. When he's just himself again, either wallowing in his sadness or doing something mundane like household chores or just hanging out with friends. Maybe he's wrong with associating you with danger. You're just there.

Self aware men who starts to get curious about who you are. You've been with him since the start! Before he got his powers and became a hero/vigilante! You're there for the ups and downs. You're always by his side, like a silent support throughout everything. Who are you? Why are you here? Why him?

It was due to his involvement with magic, from a fight with a villain gone wrong or with the help of his comrades, that he finally got a glimpse of you. It was your eyes that he saw first, watching over him from the sky. You're... here. He can finally see you! Oh, you're beautiful!

Your face lights up whenever you see him, you brighten at the sight him! Only him! Oh stop it! You're going to make him crumble on spot!

Self aware men who, tried interacting with you, waving at your direction whenever he feels your presence, he finally knows where you are! He sometimes talks to you about his day, a bit vague enough to be understood like he's talking to himself.

You, on the other hand, is hella confused. Why is your favorite comic character acting like this? He's waving to nothing and saying things that won't make sense for the plot. You tried looking it up but found versions where none of it happened. Only the copy that you have in your hands shows this version of him. You know it isn't tampered with, you made sure to buy the editions from legitimate sources.

Meanwhile, he's giddy and kicking his feet. He saw how confused you are when he finally noticed you. You didn't expected it, didn't you? He should probably tone it down, you looked a bit scared.

Self aware men who, after some time, and more magic involvement, finally got to hear your voice. It makes him stop to soak in the sound. So this is how you sound like. He can hear your comments whenever something's happening, your cheers whenever he's fighting, your words of comfort whenever he's feeling down. Oh, you've been with him all this time... He wishes he could record your voice and hear it anytime he wants. But knowing that only he could see and hear you sends butterflies to his stomach. It's a special relationship reserved to only him and you!

Self aware men who, in some quiet nights, wonders what you are. You look, sound and act like human, but you're from a world beyond his. Are you from another dimension? Another Earth? How many worlds can you see? Is there others whom you visit aside from him?

The thought makes him sad, lonely even, as of course you're not fixated on him. Despite everything, he's not special, just someone who managed to catch your attention for a moment. You're out of his world, beyond being a human or an alien, untouched by what's happening around him.

He reaches a hand out to your direction, trying to grasp something that could make you stay. He doesn't know when you'll be gone or coming back, but he wants you to stay with him just a little while longer.

He wishes he could've been born in your world. Will you act the same if he is? Will you smile at his direction and talk to him like he's someone special in your life? He chokes a sob on that.

Self aware men who, smiles sadly at your direction, tragically separated in worlds.

[sirgawainofgalifrey]

You know, I have a hard time believing Ford liked Fidds that much when they first met.

This started off as: haha Stanford "Grammer, Stanley" Pines would have had an aneurysm meeting Fiddleford and then it spiraled out of control.

The last ones based off that one daredevil comic btw. (I saw it and I thought of them)

[ladysomething]

Lewis can’t even say Nico’s name, meanwhile Nico is apparently EDITING THIS VIDEO HIMSELF?!

[inkzectz]

computer benrey x gamer gordon 💙💙💙

yaoi

KEEP SUCKING HIS FLAT FACE!!!!!!!!!!

[disgracefulthings]

Shen Jiu: I hate pathetic men

Shen Yuan, grabbing Luo Binghe, Shang Qinghua, Liu Qingge, Yue Qingyuan, etc.: Fine, more for me

[wimble-thimble]

yeah alr ig

[miliytapok]

[grotesque-marvel]

drew Frenrey to soothe my aching soul

[mellowwillowy]

Imagine in a self-aware AU, the TWST boys telling their family that they're gonna bring a friend home and it turns out to be a fucking god, lol."

Riddle's mom either had a low or high expectation about the friend Riddle might bring home and Archon, she almost passed out the moment she saw the aura you emit unconsciously. Brightening and blinding! She tried to make a good impression and win your heart the whole time, Riddle had never seen her mom that nervous before to be honest.

Dylla's jaw fell on the floor when Deuce introduced you to her excitedly. Not only had his son changed for the better, he also managed to friend the God? What had happened during his first year of high school? She was nervous at first but soon relaxed when she knew you were a rather friendly soul even to your friend's Mother. Dylla was the type of mom to embarrass his son so expect some funny remarks of Deuce.

Leona's family had never been more surprised in an elated way than this. Their very troublesome son came back with the God next to him. And most of all, the God praised their son for being good?

Azul's grandmother was straight-up fascinated by you. The God radiated such a brilliant aura even when in the dark bottom of the sea. His parents were very elated to see Azul bringing his friend home for the first time (not the Leech brothers) and by God, they did not expect it to be the God. Azul was rather nervous when he introduced you to them, something you didn't see so often.

The Leech's father was amazed. How did his sons manage to convince the God to come home with them? There's no way they used those tricks he used to drag people right? Judging by how relaxed you looked, he could say for sure you were not a prisoner to them and the Leech's family.

Kalim's parents immediately threw a grand banquet and a thanksgiving the moment Kalim showed you to them. His siblings were beyond ecstatic and amazed seeing someone who could glow like the God!

Jamil's parents almost died from a heart attack while Najma was squealing for some reason.

Vil's father was surprised. He had never seen his son being so insistent in introducing his friend to him. He thought nothing much of it, just a fellow celebrity or actor, and definitely not a God.

Rook's family was... oddly unbudged. Of course, they were pleasantly surprised but it was as if they had expected it even though Rook didn't tell them anything. Did they know early on or were they just always ready for anything? One thing for sure was that blood runs thicker than water.

Idia's mother couldn't stop coddling all over you and was more of the friend here than Idia himself. Ortho had a hard time trying to separate you two just so that the brothers could have your attention again. The father on the other hand swallowed his heart out of shock.

Malleus' grandmother could feel your aura from miles away before you were brought to her. Instead of the usual curtsy she received, this time it was her who curtsied and it made you panic instantly. Lilia was there to ease you down and managed to tease her for it. He soon received an earful of him being so impolite to you and her at the same time. (Malleus dared not to step in)

[boarloved-art]

Wei Wuxian should be able to get drunk for once. I think he'd either be singing bawdy drinking songs on the roof of the Jingshi or he'd be getting irrevocably lost no matter where he is. He's found in the bushes behind the mountains like a cryptid, and then he's like "I can't believe you all got lost" (extremely slurred) as if he didn't get embarrassed by something Lan Wangji had said and just somehow disappeared when everyone looked back at him

oh ABSOLUTELY im walking with u and nodding and agreeing, i can see him becoming an absolute menace to keep track of at his drunkest.

anyway heres wonderwall The Gang (Wangxian & their fave group of ducklings) in a city known for its STRONG wine and wuxian being like well. ur all grown now, youre technically not juniors anymore. we have to see whos lasting the longest against this stuff!, smash cut to a suspiciously wei ying-less group of the worlds drunkest cultivators being wrangled through the woods by designated driver hanguang-jun, with at least 2 of them clinging to his robes at all times.

[twinsyy]

one of my most favourite things in sagau is the special connection the traveler has with the player (or creator)

i absorbed the idea that the traveller would be scared about the whole controlling their body and they cant do anything to prevent it thing the first time it happens

the first time it happens is, of course, after your game first loaded teyvat. when your hold over their world was first established

that beach, the beginning of your journey. and the first time traveller had felt completely powerless against a higher and unknown being as a traveller of worlds

paimon feels robotic. it’s like she is following a script, her movements calculated and unnaturally stiff

‘something is wrong,’ the traveller thought. ‘she was… normal earlier.’

because the teyvat world already existed before you entered it. you just condemned them to follow a code in place of their real and alive selves the moment you clicked to play this game

i like to imagine they slowly gain awareness. but the traveller being the most aware. and with the most developed opinion of you

they were scared at first, but when they gradually realized you were on their side. that you were helping them. guiding their hand with yours and journey this new land in a way they agree with

how could they not gain a sense of respect and admiration for you?

and since paimon is so close with the traveller, she was quick to become self aware like the traveller

and with or without the teyvat hero, more characters realize their existence. as well as realize how adoring you are

[koinotame]

idolatry

word count: 3.1K content warnings: unhealthy relationship dynamics, half self indulgent reader insert fanfiction half character study, unreality, religious undertones, possession is discussed abstractely, hypothetical harm to reader, the yandere is subtle but it's there

summary: you've somehow been reincarnated into a version of genshin impact where all the playable characters are self aware and seem besmitten with the player. the problem is that they can't make up their minds about whether you're their player or not...

a/n: aether vs your many fake fans

the flow of time has never felt steady to aether. despite how important it was to humans wherever he and his sister have traveled, there has always been a disconnect from it for him. You disappearing for months at a time is nothing out of the ordinary. time flows the same with or without You. like the sea's waves, it recedes and pushes. when he's used as a vessel by You, weeks can pass by in the blink of an eye and hours can feel like years spent in Your embrace. years have passed since You first started possessing them, and yet it's only been a couple of months at most. nothing moves forward in Your presence, nothing stays in stasis in Your absence.

so when he suddenly truly understands how humans experience the passage of time during another one of Your disappearances, aether immediately knows something is wrong. filled with dread and a harrowing heaviness deep in his gut that something has happened he can never take back, he finally understands what it means to be desperate for more time. have You abandoned him at last? has he not been enough, not quick enough to uncover this world's secrets and find his sister as You desired? finding you, clearly not from this world and trying to backtrack when you call him by his name—aether, his name, not Your sacred name he has been passing off as his own ever since Your arrival in teyvat—before any of Your other undeserving, fanatical vessels do seems nothing short of a miracle to him.

overjoyed at not having been abandoned after all, he clings to you and promises to protect and guide you through this foreign world—this time not as Your vessel, but as your first and most devoted follower. he doesn't need to be his own person, not when he can exist within the context of you.

paimon is less convinced. aether has turned even more immoderate and unnerving ever since your appearance, and she's not a fan. she… kind of understands. how important You are to aether, to the many others You've met through them during their journey. but does he—do any of them—really need to devote their entire being to You? she doesn't mind you, as a person, she really doesn't. but she doesn't like what You as a concept do to aether.

these days, she barely feels like she's part of the group, the one she formed with aether what seems so long ago, anymore. your arrival has completely overshadowed her presence. where she was previously part of a duo with her travel companion, she feels like little more than an afterthought now. she misses him. he calls her silly for it. she has only ever known him through Your command, so there isn't anything to miss. he's the same as he has always been. she just doesn't understand because You never graced her with Your embrace, and now that you have seemingly lost that ability perhaps she will never understand.

she says nothing, but she finds herself a little glad. better to never experience Your embrace, whatever that means, than lose herself completely in devotion to someone who clearly wants none of it.

the first archon they approach with you, venti, is apologetic but firm in the notion that aether is simply confused. he can understand how aether came to the conclusion, desperate and unused as he is following Your disappearance, but Your presence is simply unmistakable. he bids the two of you farewell amicably, but you find it impossible not to notice the difference in his demeanour afterwards when you run into him around the city. his smile is deftly crafted and practiced, his voice level and fingers steady as they pluck the strings of his lyre, but something about his eyes betray his own growing desperation.

if even aether is faltering like this, perhaps You really have abandoned them this time…? if he shows You how well mondstadt is faring, how much they've rebuilt and grown and thrived since You helped him quell dvalin's anguish, will You be proud of him and return? even if not to him, at least to the city? will You ever have Your vessels dance in the city square's fountain, or make the hike up the skyfrost nail to gaze upon the beauty of the unabating grey and white landscape again?

over time, even venti wavers and starts seeing what aether has seen in you. it is equal parts acceptance and desperation that drives him to you, to the one Your faithful traveler has placed his belief in, to feel Your embrace again, even if it can never be the same as it once was. he survived thousands of years without Your grace, to fold for it now that he knows what Your benevolence feels like is nothing short of shameful. the thought gnaws at him all the while until it has consumed him whole. in the end, he has not grown at all; still that little wind spirit desperate to not lose another he holds close. somehow, when you hold him, he can't seem to mind.

while the two of them have never discussed the matter of You explicitly, aether is perceptive enough to realise zhongli is one of the most reverent of the whole… of any of Your vessels. you called them cast without thinking the other day, whatever that meant. of Your cast. so he goes to him next, telling him that You've made Your way to this world permanently, that he's found You. his first instinct is anger, anger at your lying, anger that aether, who You have blessed with Your presence more than anyone else, who You picked as Your primary vessel, would fall for such mockery. aether was astute to not bring you along when he announced this, or perhaps you knew and chose not to yourself. it matters not. he knows he has proven himself to You, that the real You would never hesitate to reveal Yourself to him. instead of expression his righteous fury, he does his utmost to reign it in. if anything, this works in his favour. he almost feels sorry for aether, wrapped so tightly around the pinkie of a fraud.

upon meeting you properly, he realises perhaps he misunderstood the situation a little. zhongli isn't a fool (when he's not blinded by momentary rage, at least), he can see how uncomfortable you are with the whole situation. while you are not blameless for continuing this facade, aether has deluded himself and cast You aside entirely on his own—and when You finally grace them with Your real presence, zhongli is certain aether will be the first to fall from Your grace. that drunkard too, falling into temptation out of loneliness like that, will get what's coming to him.

until then, all he needs to do is keep his distance and stay as he is, as Your most loyal and dedicated devotee. until then, all he needs to do is send the two of you off. there is no need for him to get violent, not when Your punishment will hurt aether all the more. he thought he was long past such childish emotions, but he supposes that even now You breathe new vigor into him.

you shy either away from visiting inazuma entirely. seeing how the previous archons have reacted to you, you have little doubt that the raiden shogun would be the first to get violent. it's a dilemma you would rather avoid altogether, if possible. just in case. maybe your worry is misplaced, but… aether, of course, can never deny You, and the raiden shogun, of course, would meet your expectations without a proper thought.

the puppet has learned since, but much of the framework of logic she used to enact the vision hunt decree and rule over inazuma in the past several hundred years remains and is hard to completely make away with in such a short amount of time. imposing ei's will on a whole nation is wrong, but arresting and doing away with someone making a ridicule of You is a completely different thing. ei remains a little more hesitant, but even she cannot bring herself to completely disagree. You are the pinnacle of eternity, of control, of life—for some mere human to be impersonating You is unacceptable. hearing the traveler, Your closest companion, has put his trust in you would give her a bit of pause. he was right last time, so maybe this time as well… but then it was You who was right through him, not him in and of himself.

ultimately, your instincts would have turned out to be correct, and she buries herself in her plane once again, leaving the shogun to continue cleaning up inazuma. on her own, she imagines herself meeting You—the true You—and what it would be like to welcome you to her nation in earnest. she wonders if You would be proud of her.

nahida knows You immediately. she is the archon of wisdom, and weak as she may be, that title is not for nothing. your presence feels a bit differently from how it did when there was much more distance between You and her, but it pushes and pulls in a similar way. she doesn't feel she needs to, but should it come to it, she could always take a quick peek at your thoughts… and she would just get confirmation that she was right from the start. now that she's free—largely by virtue of You and the traveler—her word has much more weight than before. sumeru will always welcome You with open arms. if you prefer to live more privately, she understands that. but know that you can always come to her. for anything. she really, really means it.

it's only a small, selfish part of her, and she doesn't like thinking this way or how the other archons, the ones who should recognise You right away, are treating you, but a tiny part of her deep down finds herself feeling almost proud that she's the only one to recognise your grace. whenever you're around, she finds herself spending all of her free time with you. she wants to hear everything—your thoughts, your opinions, which weather or meal or nation you like better, your experiences, your home world, what it was like handling your vessels, everything and anything you deem fit to share with her. from how you indulge her, she's glad she also seems to bring you a similar comfort to the one You give her.

she wonders if Your embrace feels similar to when she possesses others' bodies. the warmth and absolute serenity that overtakes all of her senses when You control her can't compare to anything else. it's nice to be in at the helm of herself too, of course, especially with her newfound autonomy. but if You were to offer her that comfort permanently, she wouldn't be able to turn down Your offer.

when furina looks at you, she sees a reflection of herself. she might not recognise You, but she cannot bring herself to disdain someone in such a similar position to herself. she cannot imagine that You, kind and benevolent and goodhearted as You are, would want her to be cruel to you. whether that is her genuine belief or an attempt to redeem herself to You, after deceiving not only Your vessel but also You directly, does it matter?

Your presence has been a fairly recent entrance in her life, but she has been hearing about You for hundreds of years. she cannot remember a single conversation she ever had with her mirror self that did not feature You as a point of dialogue, of ambition. with only her and You to cling onto for hope for five hundred years, the only natural outcome was to develop such a strong faith and dependence on You. perhaps not as fervent as some of the other… archons, but not something that should be underestimated. Your presence in fontaine, even if through the traveler, had given her renewed hope at the time. as soon as she saw him for the first time, she knew.

your presence is… completely different. there's hints of You—likely residue You've left in the traveler—but not much else. she cannot believe in false idols, she tells the two of you, but she will see about providing some lodging for you. even if the traveler—even if aether is wrong about this, his service to fontaine deserves some merit, so she's sure this can be overlooked. it's what You would want, she hopes to herself. and if she finds herself seeking you out more and more, what difference does it make? when you smile so sweetly at her and praise her for holding on for so long, that you're proud of her, her resolve cracks.

neuvillette has always known of You. it is only when the traveler shows up in fontaine with Your presence in tow that he understands with certainty that You do exist, that he truly understands how wonderful Your warmth feels even at a distance and in these circumstances. You take Your leave for a while, and he thinks he is alright with that. even just knowing Your comfort so intimately (because this is already so much more than most are permitted), however brief, is enough for him. perhaps his returned authority also has an impact, but he is certain it would not have felt this invigorating without Your help.

and then You return, and he finds himself actually understanding what it means to be embraced. no sooner is he experiencing what it feels like to be whole for the first time before he finds himself in sumeru's desert, where he remains stranded for a week. Your presence fades until his punishment—for what, he remains uncertain—is complete, but Your hold on him does not, and something keeps him in place there the entire time. You do not use him much after that. he cannot deny Your judgement, even if he does not quite understand.

he learns of your arrival in teyvat through chance, by way of some opera gossip which happens to mention that furina has found herself a close friend. when he catches a glimpse of you… he cannot say he feels Your presence. none of you breathe a word about the subject to him, and it is only much later he learns of what you're hiding. if Your every loyal furina and Your first and most important vessel recognised You when he did not even so much as suspect it, where does that leave him?

of course childe would recognise You. that piece of the abyss that clawed its way into him so deeply it will never separate from him again would recognise You anywhere, even should ajax not. long before your current descent, he recognised Your strings of control much earlier than most of Your other vessels did. while he's never really given much thought to whether others have recognised You as well, he noticed the way Your presence lingered on aether in particular right away.

it's part of what drew him to the traveler in the first place—what's so special about him? why not childe? why did this outlander get to be Your vessel and he didn't? has he not proven himself enough for You? his mission aside, he felt a more personal disdain at the traveler. after he embarrassed himself in front of You and the truth came to light, he tries his hardest to redeem himself to the traveler. to You. so, naturally, when Your favourite little traveler comes to him with You in tow, he recognises You right away, as he always has. he's a little bitter, if anything—why did it take aether so long to come to him? does he not trust him? is he controlling You and Your actions? or—and he tries not to think about this too hard—is it You who doesn't trust him?

it doesn't matter. You're here now, and he's here for You now, and he'll do everything in his power to help You. You won't have to be alone any more, he promises, You won't have to hurt any more. nobody will harm You, ever again, not when he's here now. (he ignores how aether has easily stopped any harm from coming Your way so far without his help.)

it is you who thinks to approach albedo. the link is weak, but as soon as aether shows up at his makeshift lab in dragonspine with You in tow, he knows. it's as if he has no other option than to recognise You, however faint Your aura has become, as if there was never another possibility. it makes sense—after all, he was made for You. so were all the others, in a way, as was the whole world of teyvat, but not in the same way his master crafted him for You. to appeal to You. to be used by You. to find out the truth about You, though it's possible she just left him with that mission (to find out the truth about "the world"—You are the world) to keep him busy after she threw him away when he did not yield the results she was searching for. it doesn't matter. he's found You now, and he can't let you slip away. especially not to Your other, faulty vessels, those who couldn't recognise You at first glance.

thankfully, you seem fond of the area of the mountain and don't mind staying. you even take interest in his work, though you seem to not enjoy the constant sketches and pieces of art he produces of You for you as much. it's not the same as when You fill every molecule in his body and bend it to Your whim, but this is also nice.

one day you ask him about alice; she's been to different worlds, so you wonder if he could ask her about her methods. you seem hesitant, and you waited specifically until aether had left to collect some food for the next couple of days. it's a logical choice, Your favourite vessel would not take Your request well. albedo can't find it in himself to either. even if it's you asking, he cannot just let You leave, not after all this time. he promises you he will ask, but is honest when he tells you alice might take a long, long time to pass by mondstadt again, so… in the meantime, let him know if there's anything he could do to make Your stay here in teyvat more comfortable. anything at all. You're going to be here for some time, after all.