#too much projection from me onto characters i love and care about

[insecuregodcomplex]

honestly just really want Will and Piper to talk with each other about being bi

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Met Gala

a/n Right so because I haven't yet recovered from all the strokes I've suffered from seeing that man slaying so hard. Here is something that hopefully will help. Enjoy and as always all the love is so appreciated!🤍✨

summary: very much self explanatory. Pedro and actress!reader attending met gala.

dress references: option one, two and three because like a true woman I can't pick...

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Talk about life-changing experiences. When you auditioned for The Last Of Us, you never truly believed that you could get it. You were a freshly baked actress who had successful shows in the past, but nothing too explosive. People turned their heads towards you when they just came out, and then you were back to being nothing. Fighting for the spotlight was quite something, and even if you never cared for it much, it was still important for you to do justice to the characters you got to play.

So to say that the whole experience that The Last Of Us brought to you was new and unfamiliar would be an understatement. It was your ultimate breakthrough. The opportunities were flooding in from all directions, and most of the time they included much more than just acting. Yet all the background noise aside, this was where you found your second family. People who were way more than just costars or screen buddies. You often joked with Craig that he had ruined acting for you. That no matter where you went and what you did, you would always be missing the crew of The Last Of Us.

"I still think that it's unfair that we are in separate hotel rooms", Pedro said while trying to set his phone up on the table. You two had flown to New York from different locations. Both of you were occupied with your own projects now, meaning that you haven't seen each other in a couple of weeks. The relationship between you two sparked so quickly that within a day of knowing him, it already felt like Pedro had been a lifelong friend. He was one of those people who just radiated happiness and kindness. One of those people you knew was going to leave an imprint on your life.

"If we were in the same room, I doubt we would make it onto the carpet, P", Pedro couldn't see your face fully. Your phone faced the ceiling as you tried to put on some fake lashes. All Pedro got was a glimpse at your hair full of rollers. And even that was enough to make his heart a little more jittery. Pedro had missed you. More than missed you. You two had been together every day while shooting TLOU. Always laughing. Always talking. Renting a different Airbnb to stay in if you stay in the current location for a longer time. Needing that much more than a cold hotel room. That also meant that the dynamic got rather domestic between the two of you. Waking up with you, having breakfast with you, and driving to set together. No matter where or what you did, you were always together, and that was something that ripped at Pedro's heart on a daily basis now that you two had gone your separate ways to do individual projects.

"I will have a migraine before I send him off. All I've been hearing is Y/N this, Y/N that", Coco, Pedro's stylist and one of your friends now, cut in, making Pedro let out an obnoxious gasp. "That is so not true. How dare you!", he exhaled, placing a hand over his chest offensively. But hearing your laugh on the other side of the phone was all he truly needed; Pedro felt his body at ease. "It's okay, P, separation anxiety or not, I still love you", you moved more in the frame, and Pedro instantly caught your eye. Beautiful as ever as you smiled at him. But he just shook his head, keeping up with the character, "You two are working against me today, mean ladies", before you three burst into a laugh together.

"Is Bella driving with you?", you asked once again while still fidgeting through your makeup bag. "No, they will be going earlier on. Want to avoid the chaos that builds when more people come in", you hummed at his answer. Perfectly understanding it, because the amount of paparazzi at the Met Gala was quite literally a sea. Add celebrity after celebrity climbing the infamous stairs, and you have a recipe for the chaos that is filled with endless flashing and screams. So knowing that they would be there before it all went wild eased your nerves slightly. Just deep down, you wished you could do the same thing. Fearing the moment you would have to step out of the car. What if you tripped? What if something broke? What if you messed up?

As if sensing the worry rising within you, Pedro picked up the conversation once again, "Is someone coming with you?". Pedro was worried as well. Not that much for himself, even if he wasn't a huge fan of events so flashy, but for you. Even in The Last Of Us premieres, he had noticed the way your body would run cold, and anxiety threatened to take over. He was always there to subtly bring you back. Give you something to focus on. Whether it was his hand that would rub patterns on your back, his knee that rested against your shaky leg, or his finger reaching out to playful poke your side so he could take your mind off it.

You hummed, "Yeah, Blake said he'd be there just in case", Pedro nodded his head even if you couldn't see it, satisfied with the answer. Blake was your manager and best friend. Pedro got to meet him more than a couple of times and, in all honesty, liked him. It was that extra layer of calmness that lingered, knowing that someone he also trusted would be there. Someone who had been with you through the years and who knew how to handle things if they suddenly got complicated.

"Are you excited?", you took your phone in your hands, getting a closer look at the man who Coco was fussing over. "To see you? Yes", Pedro chirped, and you rolled your eyes instantly. "You're a shameless flirt. I saw that you painted your nails". Pedro quickly showed both of his middle fingers to the camera, quite literally flipping you off. "Oh, thank you, love", you said, laughing as he quickly lowered his hand as he too realized how it looked.

Pedro was about to speak up when someone called out your name, pulling your attention away from the phone. "I'll have to go", you flashed Pedro a sad smile. "They want to tape my titties", "And I'm not getting behind-the-scenes footage?", Pedro leaned in closer, bringing his phone practically to his face as if he somehow was going to get a better look at what your stylist was going to do. "Pedro…", you laughed as you shook your head. "Will I get to see you putting on your pants?", you teased him back. Not wanting to end the call even if the lady was already waiting for you. Pedro only threw you a sheepish smile. "Who said I'm wearing any?", and once again all you could do was let out yet another laugh.

That was two hours ago, yet it seemed more like a lifetime. "Breathe, before I'll have to drag your past-down body up the stairs", Blake joked, noticing how you were running your hands up and down the fabric of your cover before moving to run your fingers over all the different beads and lace layers. "I'm just nervous", you admitted, looking through the car window. Smiling wasn't the hardest part. Most people would probably think that you're ungrateful for not wanting to go. Many would do anything to attend, but you were never a huge fan of being in the spotlight. All eyes on you sounded more like a nightmare than a dream. The thought itself made your body shiver.

"It'll be okay; pose a little and drink a lot", you rolled your eyes at him. You loved having him by your side. Not understanding why most people hate working with their best friends or family. It was such a liberating feeling knowing that you could trust Blake fully and that when you didn't feel like handling some things, he could easily do it without you since, at times, he knew you even better than you did.

Pedro knew that he was going to be there before you. Coco had told him that you were still in the hotel right before their car took off. He wasn't lying when he said that he was excited to see you. Most of his nervousness was centered around that. He knew that nothing had changed between you. If anything, things were okay, but he would have preferred to see you before the event and have a calm moment together instead of being thrown into madness like this.

He posted like he always did. Knowing well how to capture the attention of the crowd. Flipping the cameras a couple of times to show off his nails, just like he had done with you. Time escaped you in moments like this. It was always hard to tell if you'd been standing in front of the flashing lights for ten minutes or an hour. Your brain only focused on angles and poses, but then the shouting at the bottom of the stairs caught his attention.

Pedro turned to look to the side as you moved to step out of the car. He was sure that people were going to have a blast looking at his reaction afterward, but he couldn't help but look. You two purposely hid your outfits from each other. Well, at the start, you had thought about going matching and even doing the same designer, but you quickly realized that it might raise too many speculations. Pedro couldn't help but smile a proud smile as he watched you glide through the carpet. A goddess. That's what you were in his eyes. No one could come close to you, and sure, you could call him biased, but to him, you were the most beautiful female here tonight.

"Get pictures of Y/N; that's the real diamond of the night", he shouted, moving both of his arms to show you. Making you snap your head toward him. Your cool posing face was quickly replaced by a shy smile as you bit your lip. Of course, he was having a blast showing you off. "Mesmerized and speechless", he muttered to you when you were almost within reach. "Hello, daddy", you whispered as he took hold of your hand, guiding you up the steps leading to him. Pedro tilted his head laughing, saying, "Hello to you, mama". You doubted that you were thinking straight. He looked so good. The slick-back hair. The red color. You were an advocate that pink was the color Pedro owned, but red… Something about the red made all the systems shut down for a split second.

"I understand now why this was hidden from me", Pedro said, moving a step back from you so he could take your whole outfit in. He shook his head, almost in disbelief. "Don't", you warned him, trying to keep a smile off your face. This man knew how to get under your skin. He had made you redder than a tomato, even on set. Complimenting you even if you were in nothing but a baggy shirt with your hair messily pulled back. "Especially when you rolled up looking like this", you glanced down at the black shorts that he was rocking. "Where was my warning that the slutty knee was going to be on display?", but Pedro didn't say anything as he grinned, stepping alongside you. Pulling your body closer to his. His arm curled around your torso. Firmly pressing into the central boning of your dress. You could feel the warmth from his palm seeping into your tummy. He was standing just slightly behind you, but you could still see his outfit.

People were going crazy, and keeping a straight face while you posed was getting harder, especially when all you could hear were people screaming your names as an occasional they look like a couple, they must be dating. Are you together? Are you in love? Flouted around. Oh, he was going to drive you insane, and he knew it. Enjoying every single moment of it.

And even if it seemed almost impossible, Pedro stepped even closer to you and leaned in, pressing a kiss on your exposed shoulder. Your body froze for a moment. The butterflies burst inside you. If you weren't red by now, this definitely send you over the edge. You two were supposed to keep it chill. Not to bring too many eyes your way, but this man had other thoughts. Ever since the production started, people have been talking that the chemistry between you seemed way too good to just be acting. That the touches you two shared or the looks that lingered had to be a disguise for something. But then it would all mellow down as Pedro would be seen as a loving father figure to Bella or Nico. You had to find a balance. A light kiss could be brushed off as a sign of mutual respect. I don't know… mutual something?

But no… At that moment, it seemed like only you were thinking about everyone else's opinions. Pedro kissed your shoulder once before leaning back in to brush at least a couple more feather-like kisses along your skin. "Pedro", you muttered. Moving your hand to rest on his leg, you said, "You'll get us in trouble, you little shit". Your fingertips just about reached the exposed skin of his thigh as you grazed your nails over it. Pedro let out a muffled growl, "And you care?".

You shook your head as a laugh escaped your lips. The PR team was going to rip both of your heads off tomorrow; you were sure of it. But feeling him so close felt good. The smell of him. The way you could feel his breath on your skin. You moved to look up at Pedro, his body reacting to your movements as he lowered his gaze. Your eyes met, and for a heartbeat, you couldn't hear anything; it was just him and you. Pedro leaned in to place a kiss on your temple, and the crowd of paparazzi exploded. There wasn't a second when not even one camera wasn't going off. People were trying to surround you and get pictures of you two from all the different angles.

The screams pierced through your ears, making you take a light step back into Pedro. One of the photographs got way too close, and when the flash finally snapped, you quickly turned your head away from them, shifting towards Pedro's chest. He was quick to lift his palm to cover your eyes as an initial reaction before he stepped in front of you, shielding your body with his. You gave him a little smile as you blinked a couple of times, trying to get the stinging feeling to go away.

"You're okay?", he asked softly, his arms not letting go of your body as he looked around trying to find Blake. He nodded at him the moment he noticed the male approaching. "I'm fine, thank you", you knew that you needed to finish with the pictures and just go up, but being exposed to them all was the last thing on your wishlist. "Come on, let's get…", Pedro was ready to just walk you up, but you quickly took his hand into yours. "Smile", you mumbled quietly as you stepped from behind him, refueling the chaos once more, but this was just how these things worked, and you had to pull through even if you could tell that Pedro was silently fighting this decision you had chosen.

Your hands were trembling when you finally made it up. You had close to no recollection of what you talked about in the handful of interviews that you had. Just thankful to be in a little, private area away from all of the people now, even if you could still hear them all shouting. Not many people lingered here, and for that, you were thankful. Closing your eyes for a moment, allowing yourself a chance to breathe.

"You are too stubborn for your good", you slowly opened your eyes, catching a glimpse of Pedro standing in front of you with a glass of water in hand. "No bubbles?", you joked as you place the glass to your lips. "So your heart would explode and I'd be the main suspect? No, thank you", Pedro shook his head, urging you to drink some more. "Careful, Javier Pena just jumped out", you teased him, and Pedro nudged your shoulder playfully.

"Have I told you how beautiful you look?", he asked you, carefully moving to push a strand of hair behind your ear. You wished your body wasn't as responsive as you felt yet another shiver slip past you. "I think you showed it, detective", you said, tilting your head to the side. Pedro read it as an invitation to press a kiss on your shoulders again. This time, however, he took his time, knowing that the corner he had chosen was far enough for you to stay out of sight. It was like he was painting a picture on your skin, the pattern snaking from shoulder to neck, right behind your ear. You desperately want to run your hands through his hair, but you know that if you messed with it, there would be no going back, so you gently place your hand on the back of his neck. Scraping your nails gently.

"We can't", you remind him, yet you don't pull away. Quite the opposite, bringing him even closer. "I haven't seen my girlfriend in two weeks", Pedro reminded you bluntly, hands now firmly holding onto your waist. "Tiny detail. They don't know you have a girlfriend". The lines had been blurry between the two of you from the start. There was a lot of respect there. Before more romantic scenes, you would always sit down and talk about each other's boundaries. Things one and the other were comfortable doing and not. The communication between the two of you was like no other. It was easy. It was comfortable. It made you feel safe. So when you fell into bed together after a particularly steamy shoot, it didn't surprise you all too much. But even that felt right, and after long conversations, you decided to give it a go. You both had some shit experiences with your past relationships, which made you both pretty weary of long-term commitment, but you were willing to give it a chance, and that was all that mattered.

That had been going on for six months now, and no one besides your managers knew. It was odd telling them even before you told your families, but you needed to have a damage control system ready to go off the moment something slipped up or too many speculations started to linger. And it wasn't that you were scared of people's reactions. Most of them wanted you married already, not to mention the need for you to have kids and finally make Pedro a real daddy. It was all sweet, but you two wanted to do this for yourselves. To enjoy the time together without anyone and their mother trying to dig through your lives and write endless amounts of articles about every move you too took together.

"We need to find Bella", you muttered, pushing lightly onto Pedro's chest. Knowing that you needed to stop him before he lost his cool and you would have to walk around with freshly formed hickeys. Pedro rested his forehead on your shoulder and said, "I asked Blake to look for her", "Well, that makes sense why he's not here, huh", Pedro let out a chuckle even if he shrugged his shoulders, trying to appear innocent.

You quickly smoothed down his coat, straightened his black tie, and pulled at the edges of his shorts. "Alright there, trying to get my pants off so quickly", he said, and you pinched his leg playfully, making him step away from you. "Watch it, Jose Pedro Balmaceda Pascal or we might just sleep in separate rooms tonight", you said, pointing a warning finger at him. But Pedro didn't seem to feel threatened, as he wrapped his hand around your wrist, pulling it closer to him so he could kiss the tip of your finger.

"We both know you won't take away my pleasure of taking that boobie tape off you", that was enough to send you into another fit of laughter. You had no clue why that thing mesmerized him so much, but there hasn't been a time since you started dating him that he hasn't participated in that procedure. "You, sir, are so weird", standing up, and fixing up your clothes, you tugged at the top of your dress to feel a bit more comfortable, "Sure, but you love me, so who are we fooling?", Pedro offered you his hand, which you gladly took, leaning closer into him. "Let's go find our kid before I go grey from all the worrying".

[spaloonbabooguuscooties]

You could drink your whole life away and still never get that taste out of your mouth.

half commission for @salempie half completely self indulgent dreck pieced together from our insane conversations abt franke and elka. told myself id finally write a big explanation for all of the dum shit between these two for context so Thats Under The Cut.

so I already wrote some stuff about elka and franke's relationship back in whispering rock so feel free to look at that too . it goes over elkas blindness/‘seeing’ with clairvoyance and how her and franke started talking & all that good stuff

SO FOR STARTERS. a lot of thsi wont make sense without a big breakdown of elka herself. because elkas potential as a character is like insane to me. like just the idea of her in the long run of her life reads as something so potentially tragic; a young girl whos plagued with visions of doom and destined to be an outcast even in her own home for things she cant control and clings to the One vision of her wedding that she thinks is 'happy' even despite the fact she doesnt really love the person in it. im choosing to take the li-po doc as canon here because its funny shes the only one with backstory-

but my fucking god even the smallest look into what her parents are like is soo fucked up to me. and i do think elka especially gets a lot of influence from her mother; its funny how easily you can fit mabel doom into a box just from what elka says about her. knees deep in an avon-esque pyramid scheme and leaning into her daughters depressing ass visions & taking her to therapy at age 11 (which would be good if not for the kind of person you can already assume she is & so i doubt the therapist she has really does her any good. i think they share one). she reads as a very I Am My Daughters Best Friend type of mom to me and i can see elka being a centerpiece of the conversation when she has her Amway Girls over for drinks. wine-mom that lets her kid sip from the glass so she can feel like a big girl type deal.

and you can tell that elka is trying to hard to be too mature for her age even in her campster posts. how she writes letters to nils' mom and exchanges baking recipes with her and that feels like she really only interacts with middle aged women and not really many people her own age outside of camp (like her moms friends). which makes sense shed feel the need to ‘grow up’ early when shes probably had to process so many hard things at a young age bc of her visions.

theres a lot of filling the blanks here of course.

elka obsesses over nils to an overbearing degree even despite the fact he treats her like shit ('you promised no talking' and so on) and she treats him bad right back. she leans onto stereotypical heterosexual ideals like taking care of him and overblowing how Manly and Protective JT is and she admires romance stories like pride and prejudice and it feels like she Projects Soooooooo much of what she wants onto boys she barely feels anything for without knowing what its actually supposed to feel like. and clearly she WANTS that ideal future, a happy marriage, an actual romance- but according to nils even when they were dating she ignored him most of the time, which just seems Very Telling

like shes filling a role, overcompensating for emotions and lacktherof she cant digest quite yet, and it only makes more sense when you know shes had visions of their future together. how could that be bad for her? shouldnt it be like the books and movies? but she doesnt really connect the fact that her visions are only for Doomed futures, and if she does she certainly doesnt show it. Doomed relationships. it's been a part of her family for generations and she isn't turning out much different, is she? i dont think she even realizes thats all she ever sees yet, just that its Going to happen. that it's Her future, and it always will be

and like, her only reference for a real marriage so far has been her own parents, and she already Knows they have an affair, and theyre doomed to split, (and i actually like to think they were in rough waters anyway and elka was a child meant to mend a crumbling marriage but thats a whole other thing) and so without a framework for what an actual healthy relationship is supposed to be like she cant really grasp that her relationship with nils Isnt that and isnt ever going to be. she can only cling to this one happy idea of the future, and thats why she keeps chasing him, self fulfilling the actuality of her situation and creating and fostering the unhappy life they will inevitably live together.

and that bleeds into everything else in her life, of course, because as the years go on, as the visions grow in number it just makes sense for her to fall into the predictability of her life. she always knows whats going to happen, her visions are Never wrong- so why try to change things? shes had time to process tragedies days, weeks, months, years before they happen, shes had time to settle into every crack of her life. her parents divorce, her various break ups, her future with the psychonauts.

“and she's already seen so much of a future with [nils] she feels trapped almost. Like she has to be happy in it or else it just means her life is miserable. And it's a mixture of pride and fear of the unknown that keeps her clinging to the One thing she knows. BUT LIKE!!! She knows what's gonna happen! It's easier to grieve when she's been grieving for years... She wants so badly to be happy, But to do that she has to step into the unfamiliar. And that's more terrifying than staying the same miserable person she's always been.”

and thats where franke comes in— and yeah you Do have to take a lot of liberties for frankes character since it’s basically, like, all the info for her is just that shes a Supreme Baby Dyke but thats enough for me. i think she has protective butch itch in her . on campster shes defensive over other women evidenced in the way she keeps watch over the girls cabins for lili when elton is pursuing her . but shes also eager to please and constantly trying to make kitty laugh and also Very naive. but she tries! and i think it only solidifies more as she gets Older and really gets a hold of her feelings & her powers. this is incredibly franke to me

and i think as they grow older together— because i think franke and elka Do stay friends, both because elka is just pathetic and needs that positive connection even if she doesnt realize it and because i think franke is a very Loyal person & annoyingly persistent if you let her be . and i am also a kitty/franke truther. because kittys also important in this web we weave

because i think franke and kitty stay together after camp, to a point— theres a falling out facilitated on kittys end and they break up, but reconnect, and franke kind of... saves kitty from herself a little, from her strict military father whos love only extends thru finances , from her own stifling future , she drives all the way to bakersville in her shitty van handmedowned from her dad and they move in together eventually . they get jobs at the motherlobe , because it’s a pipeline to a decent job, because it’s whats easy, because franke doesn’t really have a future, because she’s never really been good at much, because shes never had much sense, because franke doesnt really care as long as she can live and help, sometimes, if she can, and because kitty’s there, and because elka’s there, and shes so used to being elkas eyes now and shes good at it. shes good at being the muscle of the missions when her colleagues lack it, when hypnosis and predictions arent enough. she likes it that way.

and elka appreciates frankes company. she listens, shes sweet, she does little things for her that no ones ever really put the effort for before; she likes her. franke is strong and bold and makes her laugh and shes always there but god elka cant let go of that future, of that box shes put herself in, that her mothers put her in, of being a Good Wife to a Loving Husband, of getting married normally and falling into unfailing familiarity. thats all shes ever wanted and shes not going to jeopardize that . not for franke, who may not be a boy but is handsome like one, whos always held her after every break up with nils and the men that filled empty days inbetween.

and elka is too stubborn to recognize those feelings anyway. too prideful to accept a way out. too set in her cycle no matter how much she hates it, her little self fulfilling tragedy of her own making, wallowing in her own doom. she struggles for control of her own life when she feels like every choice has been made for her anyway, she puts up her walls and carefully constructs what people see. but franke was always harder to trick, because while empathy isnt a particularly useful psychic power it’s certainly an inconvenient one. all franke has to do is get too close and all those carefully crafted walls fall apart, and elkas control is gone, and thats all she really has. and she tries to distance herself, really she does, but franke is also too persistent. and elka wears gloves, keeps contact that would make her walls crumble from happening as best as she can, but she cant really keep herself from the brief moments where she feels like someone actually fucking cares about her.

and that slightest lack of control, the need to wrestle it back is why she proposes to nils the next time theres a falling out— she knows how it happens, she plans every detail. and he accepts, despite everything. gets her a cheap ring and it feels like lead on her finger and its nothing at all like how shed thought it to be when she was a kid, theres no feather light feeling in her chest, only that dreadful reality that she cant turn this back. BUT WHAT CAN U DO LMAO

elka doesnt tell franke about this engagement until later, on their way back from a mission. late at night when neither of them can sleep, and franke invites elka to smoke in her van, because its been so long since theyve been alone like that, because elkas been so strangely absent lately. and because of everything, because frankes always so damn nice, because elka hates the feel of the ring on her finger, because she let herself get high alone with franke fucking athens whos always been so good at pulling her apart— the truth of it all spills out and its messy and emotional and she hates it, she hates the life shes made for herself, but franke makes it easier to bare and now shes here and shes so close and god she wishes she could see her smile again, she wishes she could see franke, thats all she needs right now and she cant but she can touch her and she can hold her and for tonight, she can be known, she can let those walls crumble, she can be something else just for once here with franke . she can kiss her here in this van, touch that happiness for just a moment, and forget the future that waits for her outside of it. franke begs her to forget the wedding, to just let herself be happy— and god, she wants to, but it means turning her back on everything shes known and everything shes saw to be inevitable, and franke has never been in her future, so if it were supposed to work out why hadnt she seen it and she cant, she cant take that risk but she can have this, even if its temporary, she can have it.

and just as soon as she gets a taste of it, its gone. after that night, after the missions over and theyre back at the motherlobe and have to pretend like nothing happened (franke doesnt, of course she tells kitty about it, she tells kitty about everything.) but that brief moment together haunts elka every time she sees franke, sees herself through frankes eyes, sees herself in her wedding dress because god its all franke can think about! of course it is! she knows how much elkas destroying herself she knows how much misery shes wallowing in that kiss in the van felt like an emotional punch to the teeth and she hasnt ever forgotten it and all she can do is sit and watch while elka throws herself into a loveless marriage. she can come to her wedding and see the way the bride and groom kiss with the emotional weight of a wet towel no matter how hard elka tries to hide it under a pretty dress and bouquets of flowers and meticulous planning.

and elka resents nils but she cant really hate him, its not his fault, not really. he feels trapped just like she does and his feelings of misery only cycle back into hers . they fight and gnash and wear away at each other and its a relationship thats crashed and burned a million times before elka even said i do. and its inevitable that she falls into her mothers habits, a sip of wine here and there to loosen up, until it turns to a glass, until it falls into a bottle on nights when whatever work nils does runs late.

but franke’s still there. shes always been there, hasn’t she? always trying to play knight, always trying to save her, dragging her home when shes stumbling over herself because god who else is going to do it but her? who else is left to care? certainly not nils. never nils. because franke knows her. because franke pities her. shes always pitied her. shes always known. and elka hates it, she resents it, but god in the same breath she’s desperate for it, she envies it to her very bones. elka is a mess but after frankes done with her she has someone to go back to that loves her. and god what elka wouldnt do to have that. to take it and keep it for herself because shes never ever got to have that movie romance shes always wanted.

so now comes this.

because elkas particularly miserable and particularly spiteful and she needs to get franke to understand, just for a moment, drink with her and get on her level and she needs her there with her no matter how her pity makes her feel. no matter how much it makes her shake with anger and envy and desperation, but god the way franke looks at her, the way she still tries to salvage what they have, the soft, slurred way she tells her that it’s okay but its not okay, none of this is okay, it never has been and she just wants franke to shut up and see that, and if she cant then she’ll show her, she’ll show her all the raw angry desperation, with too much teeth and hands that claw and grab and she’ll know why everyones always said she’s too much.

and she knows this puts her on nils’ level too. that this makes her a cheater, that shes no better than he is now. no better than her father and his affair. but god, she wants to be selfish. she wants to be in control. just for once. she wants to feel right and she wants to feel happy and she wants to feel loved. thats all shes ever wanted. and franke will let her have that, just for a little while, at the very least.

anyway. sorry. sorry for being crazy . this isnt even getting into the shit after the comic takes place . elkas stupid brainworld thag she has to overcome in order to finally be allowed in the polycule and live happily ever as worlds first lesbian divorceman

sorry for all the shit i make up instead of caring about actual characters with screentime . bye !

[dollypopup]

I think it's interesting to look at the 'Mr. Bridgerton' scene as a backdrop for the eventual mirror scene. Firstly, in the fact that I think we've kind of misinterpreted it.

So many people are of the mind that scene's purpose to 'drag' Colin, but really, that scene has 3 primary functions. The first is to inform Colin that Penelope is aware of what he said of her, thus opening the door to clearing the air between them and providing an avenue for which Colin can apologize. The second is to establish the ground that they are currently on: Penelope has given up on the dream of Colin Bridgerton, in particular the perfect prince that can do no wrong, and has made it clear to him. It also creates distance between them that they will bridge.

But the third, and to me the most wrapped up in the mirror and the inner workings of their relationship is that it reveals how Penelope feels about *herself*. It's not necessarily an echo of what the ton considers her as, after all, we have a lot of evidence indicating that, for all intents and purpose, people aren't *unkind* about her, but rather that they ignore her. Audience members recognize this as Penelope's own shyness being the cause, she is often sitting off on the sidelines or not really talking to much of anyone, in the books she's referred to as the 'one who doesn't speak', and her LW business takes her away from being a character in the action of the ton to a bystander, kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts that perpetuates itself. Pen felt unseen so she became LW to have some power, but then LW herself must remain unseen and Penelope continues to be by design of her own making.

No, I think what it really reveals is that Penelope has incredibly low personal self esteem. We as a fandom has lauded that scene as her dragging Colin, saying that he's cruel and calling him Mr. Bridgerton is absolutely meant to create distance between them, but I don't think she's dragging him.

Because the person she is *actually* dragging here. . .is herself. And it is a general theme in her life. In Whistledown. Aloud. Even with Marina, when she complimented her, she assumes that she's lying. When Edwina says she's wearing a pretty dress, Penelope puts herself down and doesn't believe her, even when the compliment is genuine. In truth, Portia is not seen as being particularly unkind to Penelope. At least, speaking as someone who's mum was *awful* about my size and weight and outfits, Portia is. . .overall rather mild. She's not KIND and loving, not by a long shot, but she's also not targeting Penelope only. She's plenty mean and critical to Prudence, too, even to the point where she foists her off to her own cousin as a pawn piece. Penelope has low self esteem because of a lot of reasons, she's bullied by Cressida (I think a lot of girls are, she was pretty mean even to Daphne in S1) and her family isn't very tender to her, and she's not being pursued at every turn, but part of it is also her own perpetuation.

Listen to what she says "Of course you would never court me" "I embarrass you" "I am the laughingstock of the the ton". She sees *herself* as an embarrassment. She puts *herself* down. Arguably, more so than the ton does. She's meaner to herself than anyone else is, aside from Cressida. And honestly? Looking at Colin's face there. . .he is HURT that she considers herself this way. That she's projecting that onto him. Yes, he's hurt that he hurt her, of course he is, he never wants to hurt her. And yes, he's ashamed that he said he wouldn't court her the way he did and that in doing so, he validated her fears that she is unloved and unwanted, but also because. . .she already feels that way about herself. She's felt that way for years. And it's painful to care about someone, to see them as wonderful, and realize. . .they don't feel the same about themselves at all. I don't think Colin is out here feeling so wounded over the fact that she called him cruel and won't refer to him by first name anymore, but that he's most hurt by what she says about herself.

Because he *doesn't* see her the way she accuses. She says she never expected him of all people to be so cruel, but he feels the same way. He never expected her to be so cruel to *herself*. He wants to go somewhere private, not because she is an embarrassment, but because he wants to have a private conversation with her. Maybe assure her. Maybe explain himself. Maybe hash it out. But god Luke Newton's acting. . .he is *aching* for her. And it feels like he's going to do those lessons not in atonement for what he said (thank god) but to genuinely help his friend who thinks badly of herself. To lift her up. It's not about him at all, not about earning forgiveness, but about elevating Penelope. And that's. . .fuck, I just find that's just so heart stoppingly beautiful.

You can see, in that scene, how much he cares about her. How deeply and genuinely he adores her as a person. And just how painful it is for him to know he has validated, whether on purpose or otherwise, how poorly she feels about herself. How low her self-confidence really is. She is giving him a glimpse into the cracks of her heart, and when he sees them, he wants to reach out with both hands and make it feel better. Make her feel better.

After she says 'even when I change my entire wardrobe', he looks so fucking crushed. So 'don't say that'. So 'you really believe that?'. So 'God, I hate that you think that way'.

Because regardless of it all, he does love her. It's not romantic yet. It's not sexual yet. But he genuinely, truly, from the bottom of his heart, thinks she's wonderful. That was evident even in the 'purpose' scene. Every time Penelope opens up and reveals a facet of herself, he likes it. He likes her barbs and her dreams, he likes talking to her. He likes her. And he feels awful that he hurt her. And he feels awful that she's hurting herself. He loves her. He wants her to love herself.

And that's where the mirror scene comes in. Because the mirror scene isn't about sex, not really. Not entirely, at least. The mirror scene is about *intimacy*. The mirror scene is about being seen. Not just her seeing him, or him seeing her, but for Penelope to see *herself*. In a way, through his eyes. Because hers are biased rather negatively toward herself, which is evidenced in the 'Goodnight Mr. Bridgerton' scene, and in so many little moments we've already gotten where she's literally looking down on herself, feeling down. She doesn't necessarily *like* what's in the mirror, but he does. Because he likes *her*. And he wants to show her that he does. Show her that he finds her beautiful and have her recognize that in herself.

The 'Goodnight Mr. Bridgerton' scene is about Penelope revealing how she sees herself. The mirror scene is about Colin showing her how *he* sees her. The Goodnight scene is about Penelope thinking she means nothing to him, that he thinks of her the way she thinks of herself, that this is how everyone thinks of her, and the mirror scene is a direct response to that: No, he doesn't. No, he doesn't think she's embarrassing. No, he doesn't think she's a laughingstock. No, he doesn't think she's unappealing. And he doesn't think she should, either.

And he's going to show her that. Not just tell her, but show her. The mirror scene is so often a focus on Penelope, so much of Polin is in Penelope's focus, but approaching it from Colin's perspective and his motivations is so fulfilling, too. It's a glimpse into them in conversation, and a demonstrate of how Colin loves her. How Colin loves in general, openly and earnestly and altruistically. How he encourages her to be braver and more confident in herself, bolstering her because he just likes her *that much*. How he finds the most fulfillment and satisfaction in caring aloud. The mirror scene is a demonstration of his heart in reflection.

When Luke Newton said the first word that came to mind with the word 'Mirror' was 'Exposed', he doesn't just mean physically. He means emotionally, too.

God this couple is so fucking good.

[hauntdoesthings]

let's talk about: Husk

Husk is a character that I see a lot of love for, but not a lot of discussion about, at least not the same way we talk about Angel Dust or Alastor, so I'd like to start the conversation since I've noticed certain details about him during a rewatch.

How He Socializes

Husk puts it best himself; "Everybody likes to bitch to the bartender." He knows more about everyone than anyone else, whether they tell him or not. Not only is he the one people turn to vent to at their lowest, he has incredible skill at reading others. It's most likely something he picked up as a gambler, but we can see he still utilizes it to read the other residents, like knowing Angel shouldn't be getting drunk after his long shift and realizing when he's masking right afterwards.

On the other hand, reading people like this doesn't seem to fit with his character in earlier episodes. In the first episodes, Husk makes it very clear he doesn't want to at the hotel and by extension doesn't want to be around the residents. His first line is literally about how he's forced to be there and pretty much all of his screen time is spent being anywhere from unfriendly to outright aggressive towards the rest of the cast. He surely doesn't care enough to read people to get closer to them, so why does he? I believe it's either a subconscious behavior or possibly as a defensive measure. Like in a poker game, he reads his "opponents" to stay ahead of them while keeping his own cards close to his chest.

It's already clear Husk values his boundaries when watching his earlier interactions with Angel, but this combined with other behaviors makes me think he's a very defensive person in general. His body language is constantly closed off, often crossing his arms or physically being separated from others behind the bar. This could just be indicative of his surly personality, but there is a specific behavior makes me think more of it. During my rewatch for this post, I realized Husk has a tendency to hug himself during certain moments of discomfort, like the entire first trust exercise in episode 3(more on that later), and during his first argument with Angel in episode 4, he actually shields himself with his wings when AD insults him before leaving.

Speaking of, episode 4 is really a great example of how Husk view others, especially since this is when his mindset finally shifts.

It's easy to see how dismissive Husk is of AD during this episode, with his constant reiterations of how "fake" he is and even saying that he'll be fine after running out despite knowing that he's had a hard night. Looking a little closer at his mannerisms though, it's clear that he cares more than he wants to let on. He insults the scripts and setting of AD's video rather than his acting and even says that that's specifically what Angel tends to complain about. Even when Valentino sudden calls up AD, Husk's face is more upset than "I told ya so." He realizes that Angel is unhappy with his work, but at the same time, he doesn't think too deeply about it.

Husk assumes that because everyone tends to spills their guts to him while drinking, he knows all he needs to about them, and he's correct to a certain degree; however, despite everything he knows, he doesn't appear to think too deeply beyond what he can easily glean. Charlie wants to help others so she doesn't have to help herself, Vaggie projects her self-hatred and high standards onto those around her, and Angel bullshits his way through everything because he's an actor who doesn't know how to be real. Husk realizes these things easily, but not why the others are this way, and it especially shows during his confrontation with AD, as when Angel finally snaps and reveals his true motives, Husk is visually taken aback.

He's so used to knowing and analyzing people easily that this sudden, truly heartfelt moment from Angel makes him rethink how he's been going about their interactions, how he's been thinking of him this whole time. And this is the moment that makes him decide to open up about his own past. Whether it was seeing that common thread between himself and Angel or possibly a realization that he won't accept help from someone who doesn't offer any input of their own, this is the first time we really see him offer any of his private, personal life, and afterwards, there's an obvious shift in how he treats Angel and everyone else.

"Loser Baby" is the first time we see Husk willingly initiate physical contact onscreen when he's always be visibly tense and uncomfortable at even most mentions of it, though most of that was AD being suggestive so it could be an issue with sexual intimacy than physical. He's comfortable enough in episode 6 to go clubbing with the group and genuinely looks like he's enjoying himself, especially compared to when he went to keep an eye on Angel in episode 4, even helping look out for Niffty when needed and supporting Angel after standing up to Valentino. In the lead-up to the Extermination, there's not a single insinuation that he would've left the hotel, choice or not, and he is with the rest of the cast during all the important moments of the battle, from Sir Pentious' death to the ending number. Even when Alastor is presumed dead, even if he assumed Alastor wasn't really gone, Husk could've easily run off during his absence, but he sticks around to help rebuild, undeniably of his volition, wanting to help his friends and possible family.

That note also brings me to something I've really been wanting to talk about:

Husk and Alastor

Unless we see a shift or get new knowledge about Nifty, Alastor and Husk have a really unique relationship both in theory and as evidenced. Husk is a former Overlord, presumably from before Alastor's rise if he was willing to bet his soul in a game with him. This opens up a lot of questions for me, mainly about what their bet entailed, what led Husk to making it in the first place, and if there's a certain respect between them. Yes, Alastor refers to Husk as his "pet," but Husk also comes to him with his suspicions about Mimsy and it can almost be read as worry. Alastor even responds that "it's nothing [he] can't handle." There has to be a certain level of trust for someone to bring up "hey, that friend you've known for decades only ever comes to you when they need something" and have their concerns taken seriously, even if Alastor's care for others is negligible at best. This whole scene seems to be showing that despite their deal, their past as equals has not been totally forgotten by either of them, leading to a certain understanding of each other that neither, particularly Alastor, have had with anyone else up until now.

The biggest reason I bring their relationship up though is Alastor's deal. With all we've seen, I believe Husk is the one character besides Alastor himself and whoever the other party is that knows about the deal and its possible connection to Alastor's disappearance.

For one, Husk is the one that confirms Alastor is "on a leash" in the first place, and he shows no surprise that Husk knows. Alastor is definitely not the kind of person to let anyone know about something like that no matter how close they are, so this makes me think either Husk had to know or that he was possibly there during the deal.

It also stands out to me the specific phrasing that Husk and Alastor use during the scene.

"You've been gone a long time, and it's not like anybody knows why." "They don't need to know!"

This kind of phrasing makes it feel like Husk is specifically being excluded from that group by both himself and Alastor. If it's true that Alastor's deal is the reason he disappeared, then Husk knowing about both the deal and why Alastor's been gone lines up perfectly. Maybe Husk will be the one to reveal more about this to the audience or even the rest of the cast later on, but it's clear that he does know more than anyone not directly involved and at this moment is the most likely to talk about it, assuming Alastor doesn't immediately tear him a new one for it.

Little Details

Last section, I promise. This is just some little details I noticed while rewatching for this that didn't really fit in anywhere else and questions/speculation about them.

Remember how I mentioned Husk hugging himself earlier? The first time I noticed this was during episode 3 when, after seeing the stage, he declares "I'm not about to put on some show for these fucking chumps." Not sure how much of everyone's backstory is still canon, but it was stated that Husk was a magician during his life, so maybe this is hinting that he has some stage-related baggage?

Also during episode 3, we see Husk sneak down the stairs before Vaggie can toss him off the roof in the warzone, and since he didn't come back up with Angel and Pentious, he presumably left before they made it out. However, at the end of the episode, he's laughing with everyone over the events of it. He comments that SP can "take a beating like a champ" and "you did ok, new kid," so was he just pretending like he was there or did he just hang out on the sidelines and watch? Husk wtf?

Husk specifically says that AD's video is "not a very convincing interrogation scene." Does Husk have experience?

When the bartender pours drinks for the gangster getting Angel a refill, Husk immediately watches the drinks themselves, before the guy even reaches for that little bottle. He's a bartender, he's probably seen too many people have their drinks fucked with to the point it's just an instinct now.

He was ready to square tf up when Valentino hit Angel, but waited until Angel walked away instead of jumping in like in episode 4. He really does trust him to take care of himself and was ready to back up whatever he did.

During "The Show Must Go On," it's minor, but Husk actually tucks his wings around the group hug and it's aasfjkdsajfd

For those who've made it this far, thank you so much for listening to my overthinking and ramblings. Please feel free to ask about anything incoherent, add on to anything, or point out things I missed, I'd just really love to get the discussion started on some of these things!

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

I love neurodivergent headcanons for Ed as much as anyone - you can pry my AuDHD Ed headcanon from my cold dead hands - but I am asking White authors to think about the racialized aspects of Ed's experiences.

I know it's not relatable for White authors, but a lot of things I often see pointed to as signs of Ed's neurodivergence are just...the brown man experience. He doesn't like random White people touching his beard, for instance? White people feel entitled to touch our bodies, I'm not shocked Ed flinched away when that happened to him in s1e5. Ed flinching away from sudden touch, too - Ed's a pretty touchy guy, but he just doesn't like angry White men getting all up in his face. Almost every other fan of color I've talked with, no matter our own neurodivergence headcanons, usually interpret things like this as just Ed's experience of racialized interactions instead of neurodivergence.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to project your own experiences onto characters! But I do think it's wise to consider how they could come across when you're writing about a character of color, especially with traits that are contradicted by canon. I understand that it might be tempting to write about an ADHD Ed who has trouble keeping a tidy space or staying on top of self-care tasks simply because those are things you find relatable, but those are things that canon Ed explicitly does not struggle with. It makes me uncomfortable to read about a brown man who apparently can't keep his space clean, can't maintain his own personal hygeine, and who needs a White babysitter to get anything done. What's relatable to a White audience can be just reinforcing harmful stereotypes about men of color.

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Currently Watching - September

aka The Masterlist

Because I love a good little list - in alphabetical order! 😊

Regularly updated during the month, latest update 11.09.2024

A little link to my favorite bl-tropes-collection 💙

gif-requests are open, but you'll need to have some patience🌼

Here you can find all of my gifs.

At the end you can have a look at what we can expect in September with a MDL link and a link for a trailer (if avaible).

This is guaranteed to contain spoilers!

1. 4 Minutes 🇹🇭 (6/8)

Such an interesting series. Still a little bit confusing, but yet I am intrigued. Just how did Tonkla know that Great was the one who helped with his bother's murder. Why was is videotaped. This doesn't make much sense to me, but I bet I missed something. Interesting what can go wrong if you decide to take another path.

2. Cityboy_Log 4.2 🇰🇷 (18?/23)

This one is getting a little bit too staged and too boring. There is not much happening. It doesn't mean you have to fit in a jealousy plot or cheating, just let them do stuff. And those "upsi-we-got-caught-moments" are so staged and just not good. I don't like them. And please give the throuple some scenes where they acknowledge they like each other. Don't play with us like that!

3. First Note of Love 🇹🇼 (6/12)

This week we dealt with the aftermath of Orca coming back to Taiwan and the huge pressure lasting on Sea's shoulders. There is still not really a romantic spark between those two, it is more of a fan and his idol or a older brother caring for his younger sibling. And yet next week we get a confession and some romance... I don't know how to feel about it.

4. Happy of the End 🇯🇵 (4/8)

This week got dark. Damn. The whole episode four was a hurtful flashback of Haoran's life. And he had a fucked up life. And some of that he projects onto Chihiro, even though he is the only light in his life right now. But he doesn't know better, so I don't blame him. It was hard to watch, but it is something that happens everyday everywhere... we just don't look.

5. Hidamari ga Kikoeru 🇯🇵 (11/12)

We are 11 episodes in. I was trying to love it till the end. Yes, this is not just a story about Kohei and Taichi. There is so much more to it. But nothing is really told till the end. We just get snippets. We get snippets of how Taichi deals with the abandonment from his parents, but no real conflict or conclusion, but we know this affects him. We see a friendgroup, and don't get me wrong, I like Taichi's friends, but we don't get a real deep connection between them. Maya was put in there to be the drama, the villainess. Her story might have been interesting, but she is in no means a likable character and her story is going where? What was her purpose? Still don't get it. And the main plot. Where is it going. We got the first half of the series where Kohei and Taichi building a really strong connection and of course we whitness Kohei falling for Taichi. And with the second half I thought we see how those two work around it, how Taichi comes to terms with his own feelings for Kohei, because we already got the hint that he likes him too! Why was there no communication between these two at all during the last couple of episodes. It was all misscommunication. A trope I really don't like. And still today was no real talking between them. Just beating around the bush and changing the subject. I don't need smut or even a kiss in everything I watch. But I want some clearity and some good writing and most of all staying true to the characters! And this is not it anymore.

6. I Saw You In My Dream 🇹🇭 (9/12)

Okay. They are cute and I love their communication, from noth couples. Everything is going real smooth, so I guess the next episodes are going to be a little bit rougher. But this week we got a little bit consent and heart-eyes and soft touches and I really liked it here!

7. Jack & Joker: U steal my heart! 🇹🇭 (1/12)

I loved that we got this flashback of their past and how those two poor souls try everything to make people proud of them and end up in their own prisons. And yes, I am a War addict and I am finally back to my stuff on my screen and I couldn't be more happy!

8. Kidnap 🇹🇭 (1/12)

Okay, it is the first episode and Min is already head over heals with Q. With this paste we'll have the first break-up on episode five! And I like it! The show so far is quite alright. I am looking forward to their dynamic and the humor of it and of course I want to see how everything's going to turn out.

9. Seoul Blues 🇰🇷 (5/8)

When I said I want some drama, I didn't mean that! I hate this ex-story. He comes off like a real asshole, but they have a weird tension. But there was just the drama with the ex-girlfriend. And now there is the next hurdle in the way. Just give them an episode to relax and enjoy their new love. Argh!

10. The On1y One 🇹🇼 (7/12)

"You know, I've always felt that Guanyin Mountain by the Danshui River is quite efficacious. As long as you wish sincerely to it, it will certainly come true." And after that sentence you get this look on Wang's face!? Oh, he doesn't want them to be brothers. He is wishing for something closer, more intimate! And Tian too! And now they want to live together. I can't deal with the show! It is so good! The looks, the chemistry, the story, exquisite!

11. The Trainee 🇹🇭 (11/12)

And they're dating! They are cute together. I like that Ryan is encouraging Jane to go after his dreams- He build up his confidence and now Jane is ready to start something new. I really like this dynamic! It is a very pleasant turn of events. Ryan is such an interesting character. He is kinda shy and inexperienced, but can voice his needs and wants really good. I am looking forward the last episode.

12. Word of Honor 🇨🇳 (20/36)

Do you still believe I'll come back to this one? It is a really good series, but I can't motivate myself to dive into it right now 🙈

Finished in September

Series

Takara no Vidro 🇯🇵

We had our final today and I loved it! The fact both of them missed each other and communicated this. Taishin likes it when Takara opens up to him, because it makes him feel special and closer to him. And I get that. Takara is a person who doesn't talk much about himself, but who has so much anxiety and Taishin wants to share those burdens, because they are equal, because he wants to take care of Takara too. I started this series without any expectations and with mixed feelings, but it slowly became one of the gems of the week and I was so looking forward to this final episode! A really good 9 out of 10.

Movie

Short Film

Dropped in September

Looking forward to in September

Live in Love - Trailer (Sep 1st)

Happy of the End (Sep 3th)

Kidnap - Trailer (Sep 6th)

The Hidden Moon - Trailer (Sep 7th)

Jack and Joker - Trailer (Sep 9th)

Unlock your Love - Trailer (Sep 11th)

The Time of Fever - Trailer (Sep 12th)

Love Sick - Trailer (Sep 14th)

Bad Guy my Boss - Teaser (Sep 15th)

Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Sep 17th)

Chaser Game W2: Utsukushiki Tennyotachi (Sep 20th)

Uncle Unknown (Sep 20th ?)

[azrielgreen]

There's a reason I always moderate comments but i approved this one so people can see how truly vile it gets sometimes. I'm not arrogant. I don't think the way I write is better at all. Exploring them on an authentic level means exploring this, or any, version of them with wholehearted passion, not that this is the authentic interpretation of them. Writing intense stuff isn't a brag, it's a warning so people can be prepared for stuff like arguments and confrontations. I always over-warn for CW stuff so that, again, people are prepared. I never once have asked people to read it. It's just there and I've tried my best to a) write something i loved and b) thoroughly warn those who might read it. Any interpretation of the characters is valid and worth exploring. It's so sad to see a reeled off list of all the way Steve "should be" and the implication that nothing but strict canon adherence could ever be a passionate, worthy exploration. It's... only fanfic? It's not real. They're not real. Nothing is real and everything is possible and that's supposed to be what's fun about it.

I write the characters very intensely, so yes, they are often out of character, sorry for... warning about that? I write different backgrounds for them and play with the negative space of possibilities and potential and i do this with authentic curiosity and passion because I love doing it and i get very into it. Sorry for warning about that too, I guess? When I first started writing in this fandom, some people pointed out to me that I could CW warn for them being OOC and that was new to me, i didn't think I had to warn for that. I thought people would read the tags, like in other fandoms, and understand that the story would do different things with the characters but it became clear that this was actually solid advice as this was a fandom obsessed with "canon adherence" and policing. So I thought I would CW as thoroughly as I could so no one would be shocked or disappointed and then maybe they wouldn't leave an essay of hate in the comments.

But ultimately, people like this would only be satisfied if I deleted everything and stopped writing. I barely participate in this fandom as it is beyond answering asks and writing. I don't rec my own work. The thing i don't ever want, and this is why it was worrying seeing something like YD becoming "popular", is for people to feel like they *should* read my work without having gone and looked for it via the tags. Without having found it naturally, just by browsing and thinking "that's definitely for me". I've only ever posted for small rarepairs in the past so a couple of comments on a fic always made me so happy. I write for myself and the few others in the world who might like it. I have never written for an audience. If you don't like something I wrote, it's not for you. Genuinely. Move along to the next, no? That's what I would do.

This was so spiteful and targeted. YD is so old at this point, I just don't understand people who do shit like this. I don't bother anyone and I try to be here for anyone who needs me. I CW as thoroughly as I can. I don't think I'm better than anyone. I think every single iteration of these characters is worthy and valid and what matters is how fun they were to write, for the author. I had so much fucking fun with these stories that seeing this miserable little rant seems pointless to me. I don't care if you didn't like it. I don't care if it wasn't to your taste. Writing it was what I wanted. Sharing it is secondary, always. It's fanfiction, written for free in my spare time. I didn't take up space, I didn't trample anyone. There is no reason for this beyond spite.

I am sorry about the vest/jacket mixup, however. Truly, genuinely from the bottom of my heart devastatingly sorry about that. I know it'll take time for people to forgive me and maybe no one ever will, I have to make my peace with that.

Anyway, thanks for loudly projecting your feelings onto me and my work.

💜💜💜

[franzkafkagf]

The fact that Aegon loving his children it’s even book canon. TGC is describing Aegon’s personality as it is hinted in the book and yet people is mad.

Tom literally acknowledges he is not a good parent but he loves his children.It makes total sense that he would have a complicated relationship with fatherhood based on how his father treated him. Or that in his mind, he wants to be better than Viserys.

Thank you anon! You're exactly right, we've always known from the book that he loved his children. Adding onto that is that we have barely seen 20 minutes of Aegon until now, if the early reviews are true we'll get 15 minutes of Aegon in the first episode ALONE. Of course we find out much more about the character, we barely know anything about him!

This made me wonder; what do we know about Aegon?

We meet Aegon for the first time in episode 3 of season 1. He is just a two year-old who plays with a wooden dragon toy and yet the older characters around him only see him as a threat, a pawn or, by his father, as a replacement— watching the episode it's clear to me that Viserys wanted Baelon, Aegon cannot be Baelon. It's pretty telling that the only positive on-screen interactions Aegon has with his father are in this episode. He is a little kid still, Viserys can project his wishes and fantasies about Baelon onto him, something he isn't able to do once his son is grown up.

I think it's pretty crucial to understand this part of Aegon's and Viserys' relationship— the perfect ideal of Baelon (he killed the only woman he ever loved for the perfect son; you cannot come back from that) stands between them, like a shadow Aegon could never escape and a standard he could never meet.

We don't really see Aegon again until episode 6— he is a teenager now and thus a completely different person. The little baby from episode 3 has been shaped by years of neglect, unfulfilled expectations, and the toxic dynamics within the family. What has he become? He is a 15 year old with problematic relationship to alcohol that is used as the punching bag of the family. He jacks off from windows (welcome back Roman Roy!), leers at maids and bullies his younger brother.

Teen Aegon is perceived as a disappointment by his grandfather, who sees him just as a weakling and a pawn to be controlled (a belief he still holds at the start of season 2 apparently). His mother projects her own ambitions, resentments and fears onto him.

These behaviors are all very troubling and someone should've done something to prevent these habits from festering within him; no one did. I honestly feel like no one really cares about him that much.

And yet, there is also so much postitive to be said about this iteration of him too, glimpses of Aegon's potential for goodness and his capacity for loyalty. You might call it naivety, but Aegon seems to believe in the good in people— he trusted Rhaenyra not to hurt him or his brothers if she was to become queen (something I agree with). He also seems to treat his nephews well enough, he doesn't seem to care about the bastard-allegations -> he also seems to be friends with bastards as an adult! Eddard Waters belongs to his entourage, this informs his character— yes he is an entitled prince, but there's also an element to him that is endearingly down-to-earth.

Another notable example is in episode 7, he decided to protect his mother after Aemond blamed him for spreading rumors about his nephews' legitimacy . He never cared about the rumors, yet he stood his ground and shielded his mother when faced with his father's wrath.

Ty Tennant does such a great job here. The scene highlights his complexity— he is not simply a drunken disappointment, a villain or a victim, but a young man trapped in a situation he doesn't seem to be able to get out of.

When we next see Aegon, he is in his early twenties, and the toll his upbringing took on him is evident. His introduction in episode 8 is a hefty one. He is shown sleeping off a hangover, his drinking habit from his youth has fully established itself in him. His mother yells at him, tries to get him to understand the consequences of his behavior— he has raped a maid, something that, disturbingly, is not new for him. This moment speaks volumes about the man the little boy from episode 3 has become: flawed, morally compromised, and numbed by his vices.

Further even, Aegon engages in activities that reflect a deep-seated cruelty and a disconnection from others— watching toddlers rip each other apart in brutal fights shows his general desensitization and apathy to everything. These behaviors are obviously unacceptable, but this is a fictional character we are talking about and you know what these behaviors tell me about him? These are just manifestation of the dehumanizing effects of his upbringing.

He is desperate to be loved but destined to be hated — Tom Glynn Carney

Because characters can be multi-faceted and complex, Aegon fights off insecurities and still yearns for love and acceptance from those around him. Him acting out like this can be read as misguided attempts to drown out the background noise, to try to assert control in a world where he feels constantly undermined and unloved. However, his actions only serve to alienate him further from the people he wants to be accepted by.

Aegon's aversion to the throne and his rejection of the responsibilities that come with it are just other manifestations of his deep-seated apathy. He despises the very idea of kingship and what it represents. He doesn't want to take up responsibility become a pawn, he yearns to run away but he himself knows that he will never be able to run.

The carriage ride to the sept and the coronation are gifts that keep on giving. It's all so horribly tragic. He never wanted this. Crowning him will kill him, he knows this is his end deep down!

He is so preoccupied with what his father wanted, Baelon is absolutely still haunting the narrative— his father's desire for him to embody virtues he never possessed or could aspire to (BAELON) are still at the forefront of his thoughts.

As he walks to receive the crown, he is literally crying, this single moment encapsulates it all so well. He is man who, despite his privileged position, is trapped by the very power and responsibility he was born into but never desired for.

But then, at the very end of episode 9, we see a shift in Aegon— something else to him that will be at the forefront of his character in season 2. He finally gets the adoration and the purpose he always sought after with the crown. The moment he realizes that the smallfolk is cheering for him is the moment the apathy that defined him up until now begins to lose its grip, replaced by newfound determination.

This change in Aegon will be furthered by the death of Jaehaerys, a source of pride and a reminder for him that he is capable to create and care for something precious and pure (thank you TGC) -> I won't go into this deeper, let's wait until the season airs.

In conclusion, a wise woman once said that apathy is death. For so much of his life Aegon embodied apathy, only for the very thing he feared most (kingship) to make him rethink everything. Aegon will be driven by his determination, but this path will lead to his destruction, consuming him until there is barely anything left of him. It will ultimately tear him apart; he is both redeemed and ruined by the weight of a crown he never wanted.

[thursdayygrrrl]

inevitably, inetivably, inebivatly

⌦ .｡.:*♡

characters: actress!wanda maximoff x gn!reader 

genre: fluff, slightly suggestive

summary: After Wanda finishes filming a day drinking segment on Seth Meyers’ show to promote her current project, you take care of her.

word count: 2,061

a/n: i was watching random yt vids and came across the day drinking with seth meyers segments (the lorde and the dua lipa ones) and i just thought to write something short and sweet about it. i have not written in a while and english is not my first language, so please bear with me. this is also my first time writing for wanda. you can read it on ao3 (here) or under the cut. regardless, i hope u enjoy it !!

Your phone tells you it’s currently 3:46 PM, but the way Wanda is absolutely wasted makes it seem like 4 AM after a wild night out. She agreed to go on Late Night with Seth Meyers and participate in the day drinking segment. When the offer first came up, mentioned by her team, you were both apprehensive. But after some talk about it, guaranteeing her safety on set and the fan reception it would bring in, she ultimately agreed to it. Also, seeing your wife have some fun and let loose is one of the best sights ever. So here you were, hand on her waist, guiding her to your car after the shoot. 

“Okay, Wands, we’re almost there,” you say gently.

She mumbles something. “Hm?” You ask her, wanting not to miss anything.

“Don’t wanna…”

You suddenly remember that she’s wearing shoes which, honestly, looked painful to wear. You take this as a cue and carry her bridal style the rest of the way to the car. A little yelp escapes her in surprise when you lift her with ease.

“Better?” You ask her. She hums happily and buries her head into the crook of your neck. You kiss the top of her head as you walk nearer to the vehicle. Once you’re there, you bend down slightly to open the passenger door. 

Wanda removes her head from its former position once she hears the door open. She furrows her brow in that adorable manner you can never seem to get over. “Seth’s like… scary good at making people drink a lot a lot,” She slurs as you help her onto the seat and put her seatbelt on. “Yeah?” you try to keep her engaged.

“Mhm. Did you see me with those crazy cocktails? And those shots too?” Wanda rambles, emoting and gesturing without abandon, while you get behind the wheel. You chuckle, “Yeah, you took them like a champ, honey.”

“I sure did, Y/N,” She nods to herself proudly. You prep for the drive, making sure the temperature is comfortable and your phone is connected to the Bluetooth system. 

You open Spotify on your phone and gesture it towards her, “Any requests?”

She shakes her head, “Whatever DJ Y/N wants!” She giggles at the impromptu nickname she calls you. Her laugh is like music to your ears, you smile along with her.

“Alright, alright, alright!” You put your joint playlist on shuffle and start driving. One of your favorite songs comes on and Wanda starts dancing along, at least as much as the seatbelt allows. You join in by tapping your finger on the wheel and lipsyncing exaggeratedly. “I love this one!” She speaks loudly, still dancing, unaware of her voice modulation.

You match her energy, “I can tell!” This drive-turned-dance party continues for a few more songs until a slower one starts playing. She runs a hand through her hair and settles into the seat with a content sigh.

“Now that was fun, Y/N. We need to do that more.”

“Dance?”

She nods with an air of authority, “Absolutely.”

“Noted, darling,” You flash her a smug smile and she blushes.

She slumps in her seat and covers her face with her hands. “God, Y/N, that petname is so corny. And old-fashioned.”

You shrug and keep driving. “Sure, but you know you like it.”

She giggles, conceding, “Yeah, yeah. I do.”

You let the music take over as you make your way home. After a while, you look over to check on Wanda only to find that she’s blissfully asleep. Her copper waves are splayed across her shoulder. You smile to yourself as you park on the driveway. You take a moment to just admire her, to be enchanted by the curve of her cheek, the slope of her nose, and the peaceful expression on her face.

You leave the car and walk to her side, opening the passenger door as quietly as you can. Wanda stirs anyway. She whines softly when her sleep is interrupted.

“It’s okay, sweet girl, we’re home now. Okay? Just let me take care of you.”

She nods as you unbuckle the seatbelt and carry her again, this time into your home. She holds you as if her life depended on it. 

It was a challenge to get the front door open, but when you do, you immediately close it with your hip. You kick your shoes off and make your way to the bedroom. You lay her gently on the bed, which she immediately curls up in, then help take her heels off and pick out a change of clothes for her. The noise of clothes ruffling alerts Wanda. Her voice is muffled by the pillows and sheets surrounding her.

“May I wear one of your hoodies tonight? Pretty please?”

“You don’t have to ask, Wands. The answer is yes every time.”

“Thank you, Y/N,” she says, a wide smile on her face while she drags out the last syllable of your name.

You look through your closet for some random sleep shorts and the exact hoodie you know she’s referring to. You also know how diligent she is with skincare, so you take the essentials with you too. Once you’ve got them, you go over to the bed again and bend so you’re at eye level with her.

“Sit up and let’s get you into something cozier, hon. Yeah?”

She wiggles her eyebrows playfully while following your instructions. “Ooooo, you wanna see me naked, huh?”

You try to suppress the growing smile on your face as you unzip the back of her dress. A blush creeps up on your face despite wanting to keep it at bay. Wanda teases you, “You totally do, Y/N! Look at you!”

The dress falls off her shoulders, revealing her upper body. She makes an excited noise. You take the dress and toss it on the floor, leaving it a problem for later, already coming up with an apology for her meticulous stylist. You sit in front of her and press a kiss on her shoulder as you unhook her bra. “I do, but I want you to be comfortable above all,” You whisper into her smooth skin.

“Boo, you’re no fun,” She pouts like a petulant child, but you know she would never mean anything bad by it. You help her slip into the shorts and the oversized hoodie. When her head pops out, a goofy smile is on her face. “I love you, Y/N.” 

“I love you too, Wanda.”

Now, you take her preferred cleansing balm and warm it in your hands. She closes her eyes as you massage it gently all over her face, to remove the makeup she’s wearing. Then, you take a damp cloth to rinse away the milky residue. She moans quietly at your touch.

Her eyes are still closed as you prepare to finish her routine with her favorite cleanser. “You’re so good with your hands, Y/N.” You chuckle at her comment, unsure if she meant the double entendre.

“I mean it,” She says sincerely as you keep working on her skincare, first with the cleanser then a clean washcloth to dry off. You cradle her face with your hand. She moves slightly to kiss your palm.

“I’m glad to be of service then.” 

Your hand moves to rest on her thigh instead. Her face gradually gets closer and her lips meet yours. It’s surprisingly gentle and tender, especially for someone so drunk and usually so eager. You let her deepen it, let her tongue venture into the familiar environment of your mouth, until she pulls away to catch her breath. You smile and give her one last peck before standing up and gathering the stuff up off the bed.

“I’m gonna get some water and some painkillers too. You’re gonna need it.”

Wanda scoffs and clumsily tilts her head upward to maintain eye contact with you. She takes her pointer finger and pokes your chest. “Please. Judging from a while ago, I could outdrink you, Natasha, and Yelena. Combined!”

You shoot her a questioning look, stifling a smile. “Sure, honey.” With that, you leave the room briefly and she lays back down. She lands on her back with a soft thud and stretches her arms and legs out like a starfish. “Y/N,” she calls out. “I am so grateful for this bed.”

With a bottle of water and a small dish containing some pills in hand, you enter again. “The bed is pretty great. It’s done us a lot of good.” You place the dish on the bedside table and open the water bottle, urging her to sit up again. “Here, Wands, drink up.”

She closes her eyes tightly and shakes her head. She makes a noise of disapproval that is not missed by your attentive ears. You tilt your head to the side, thinking of ways to try and persuade her. Wanda is stubborn, you knew that from years of experience, but you also knew that she would always fold at your actions if you played your cards just right.

Mustering up your best acting skills, you flash her your best wide-eyed, puppy-like gaze. Her eyes unscrew the tiniest bit, but it’s not enough. So you place the opened water bottle on the side table and move on to the next course of action.

Laying down and nuzzling into her side. A hum, much like a cat’s satisfied purr, leaves her lips.

“You like that?”

Wanda nods. “Yeah. A lot.” You then subtly move to sit up, leaning your back against the headboard. She whines at the gradual loss of contact. You can’t help but giggle softly as you pat the spot beside you. 

“Come up here, then. Sit up with me. I’m all yours.”

She begrudgingly does so, this time settling into your side and leaning most of her weight on you. You take this moment to brush some of the stray hairs away from her face and kiss her temple. She practically melts under your fawning.

You take your chance, continuing to play sweetly with her hair. “Now that you’re up, how about that water?”

A beat, a pause, until she yields.

“Okay, okay. Fine.”

A proud squeal you were trying to suppress escapes you. Wanda shoots you a knowing look, “Such a dork.” You quickly hand her the bottle, which she accepts and drinks from gratefully.

“Yeah, but this dork is just happy to get you hydrated before you inevitably fall asleep.”

“In-ev-it-ab-ly. Inetivably.” She sounds the word out and scrunches her nose when she mispronounces it. “That word is funny, Y/N. Inebivatly!” Both of you explode into laughter. She continues rambling about etymology and phonetics, gesturing wildly with the half-empty water bottle. "Woah!" You take it back before any of its contents threaten to spill.

“Hey! I was drinking that.” She pouts. You do your best to stay firm and mature, to resist your instinctual response to give in.

“Or were you using it as a prop?” 

“Mmmh, you got me there.”

Both of you settle back on the bed. Wanda takes her arm and wraps it around your midsection. Her head rests on your chest and your steady heartbeat grounds her. You alternate between caressing her hair and languidly stroking her side. The setting sun’s golden light creeps into the windows, bathing everything in a warm tone. After a comfortable silence, she speaks softly.

“M’sleepy…”

“Go ahead and rest, darling. I’ll be right here.”

“But there’s so many hours left in the day. Only old people sleep this early,” She drags the last word out in a whine.

“That’s okay, we have tomorrow.” You assure her like you unfailingly do.

Wanda hums in contemplation before nodding approvingly, “Yeah, tomorrow.” 

You keep soothing her until her eyelids eventually close, to hide those gorgeous eyes you could get lost in forever, and her breathing steadies and turns into quiet snores.

It is a guarantee that Wanda’s hangover tomorrow will be rough, but you don’t mind at all. It just gives you more permission to give her extra affection, attention, love, and care. Even in her messiest and most raw moments, there is nowhere in the world you would rather be than with her. This, you know, is certain. It is fated. It is inevitable.

[whiteskullofroses]

Hi! I saw that you accept request for Baldwin IV. If you do still accept, could you pls write one where y/n and Baldwin would stay up too late talking to each other until one falls asleeps? Thanks 💕

Hi there thank you for the request! And to clarify, you can always request any characters you want❤️ Enjoy!

LATE NIGHT TALK

Baldwin Iv x reader

It was a cold night in Jerusalem. You were walking around the palace gazing up at the stars and thinking about life when all of a sudden, a familiar voice grabbed your attention: "Y/N!" He called out to you from his room. It was all lit up with candles so you could see his shape clearly: "Care to join me?" The young king's voice sounded so energetic, even though it was already midnight. You answered: "With pleasure!" And happily headed out to his quarters.

Once you reached the hallway that led to his room, you noticed that the door was already opened for you but still, you knocked on the wood to make your presence known.

He turned from his desk to look at you. His mask shone from the candles around him and made his blue eyes sparkle.

"Care for a round?" Baldwin gestured towards the chess set and sat down at the table. "Y/n" Sitting down and listening to his words "I've missed you tonight. I rarely see you these days."

You smiled and replied: "Work has been incredibly tiring," taking a sip of some wine a servant poured: "I've hardly found any time for friends."

Baldwin leaned closer to you: "Well now it's the time. Relax."

You started the chess game and asked: "How come weren't you at the banquet last Monday?"

The King moved a pawn and sighed: "I had an unexpected meeting which I couldn't miss."

Nodding, you moved on since you didn't want to trouble him with hard topics so late in the night.

"Have you read any new poetry lately?" Asking him like you always do, you always loved to listen to him talk about the things he was passionate about, one of them being literature.

Whether it be myths from across Europe containing dragons and other mystical beings or poetry that many saw as simple, however from a trained eye's perspective it was true art projected onto paper.

"Yes, I've read this wonder piece from a book from France Preseren called 'Poezije'" Grabbing the book from a nearby chair and flipping through it, Baldwin proclaimed: "Would you like to hear it?"

"I'd love to, Baldwin." You supported your head with your elbow on the table, as the late hours of the night cut into your brains. "Where did you get it from?"

"I believe I got this book as a gift from my sister when she visited Carniola."

Finally, he started reading, his voice soft as ever:

Fresh flowers will spread fragrance far and near,

Like roses when the winter's passed away.

Your eyelids became heavier and heavier with every word he spoke:

And spring displays its marvelous array,

While through the trees white scattered blossoms peer

Your breathing became deeper, with waves of relaxation washing through your body. All of a sudden you felt like you were 10 years old again, when your mother used to read you books to help you fall asleep.

All this time away from your parents and away from your childhood made you forget how soothing it was and how much you enjoyed it.

Baldwin continued reading the poem whilst you were drifting off into peaceful sleep, right there on his 'chess table'.

He hardly noticed you falling asleep right opposite to him as he was focusing on the text he was reading. But when he finished reading the poem and looked up from the book, he realized you slept through half of it.

He chuckled to himself. Baldwin wasn't mad or annoyed with you, rather he felt a sort of fulfillment that he managed to get you to fall asleep.

For a moment he just sat there, staring at you. You didn't know it at the time but he admired you deeply. For your intelligence and your beauty. He found that this was one of the times he could truly silently look at you and not feel bad about it.

Whenever he would catch himself gazing upon you he would get this guilt deep in his chest. He felt as though it was appropriate for him to look at you when the two of you were just colleagues.

So he slowly walked up to you and carefully picked you up. Walking up to his bed and laying you down in the middle, he knew he couldn't sleep there that night, that would be simply too much.

He decided to go and spend the night in the guest room. Just as he was about to leave your side, you woke up and grabbed him by the wrist, gently but enough so he could feel it.

"Baldwin, stay."

THE END.

[bird-inacage]

Only Friends: EP10 Ray's Therapy Scene (First Focus)

I've been meaning to do a deep dive on this scene, which has no doubt been immensely commended for Khaotung's stellar performance (I'm running out of vocabulary to gush about how talented that boy is). However the purpose of this post is to highlight how equally superb First is, as I fear some may overlook the excellent work he does here.

The reason why this scene warrants a huge amount of respect is how challenging this dynamic is on both actors. Only Ray is speaking the entire way through, which means the tone and rhythm of the scene is led by Khaotung, whilst First's role here as Sand is to be reactive to this immense outpouring and release of emotion. First is required to be a very restrained and contemplative presence - a projection and visual representation of Sand in Ray's own mind. It's literally acting on a macro (Khaotung) and micro (First) level in tandem.

I want to start by mentioning how well First portrays this bedded-in weariness in Sand’s demeanor throughout, an expression we’ve seen in Episode 8. It carries this heartbreakingly heavy and worn down quality. A symptom of a man who bears far too much weight on his shoulders, whose mental toil never seems to end; a product of his own nature and those who knowingly or unknowingly take advantage of it. This is the tragedy of Sand's character. And this is the realisation that is well and truly hitting Ray now. His temper and behaviour have inevitably taken its toll on someone Ray knows doesn't deserve all the suffering he's been putting him through.

⬆️ "I was stupid, but I want you to understand me. I was mad at you because I cared so much about you."

When Ray starts asking for forgiveness, there's an air of slightly deflated scepticism that flits across Sand's face. Sand's immediate instinct is to be hopeful, to give someone the benefit of the doubt. But the reality is Ray has apologised a number of times before and that hasn’t stopped him from hurting Sand still. So Sand’s expression sobers, conscious of how likely it is that Ray will let him down again.

This is Ray acknowledging that he's fallen into a pattern of taking Sand for granted. If that’s all Sand has come to expect, why would his apology this time change anything? Ray has not earnt his redemption yet as he hasn't apologised to Sand in person, and has no guarantee it would be accepted. Which is why he's so upset because he registers that Sand's disappointment in him is fully deserved.

⬆️ "There's no one more caring or loving than you. Though I've been nothing but an asshole to you."

You see the tiniest lift of Sand's brow that's tinged with grateful disbelief, 'Me? But I'm nothing special'. His gaze softens by the sentiment, a visible breath inhaled in as if taken aback, clearly touched but hesitant to believe it. A humbling trait of Sand's is that he genuinely struggles to see his own value. He doesn't realise just how meaningful he can be to someone. That he could hold such weight.

And all the criticism that Ray has thrown at Sand has only piled onto the insecurities he possesses. Remarks that have questioned Sand's principles, his dignity, his sense of worth.

⬆️ "But if you don't want to put up with me anymore, that's alright. I get you."

Ray's image of Sand watches on as he begins to fall apart, crushed by a mixture of intense fear, regret, and despair that this may be too little too late. That his last outburst may well have been the final straw, and he failed to appreciate Sand when it mattered.

On the surface Sand may look numb or somewhat devoid of emotion, but you can detect the turbulence brewing underneath. Sand has a habit of holding in his feelings in to an almost painful degree (which begs for release). It gives you the impression he could suddenly burst at the seams at any given moment. But Sand as always holds still, holds strong, holds steady. Other than the slight twitch of his lip, he holds himself together somehow.

⬆️ "No one can put up with me".

Ray vocalises his own self-hatred, how little he deserves someone like Sand, how guilty he feels for causing this damage. Whilst he does so, Sand appears increasingly teary, lip ever so slightly quivering, brows crumpling. He looks like he desperately wants to break down and cry along with Ray.

What sets Sand apart from everyone else in Ray’s life is he understands. He can sympathise with why Ray is the way he is. Despite everything Ray has done, Sand still very much wants to protect him, shield him, care for him. He doesn't blame him. It breaks his heart to see Ray upset, to see Ray hurting. His compassion for Ray has always been his undoing.

The last thing he would want is for Ray to feel unwanted or intolerable. He tries to be the person who can withstand Ray's temper, his volatile nature, because he knows Ray is still deserving of love. It’s because of this love that he can feel every single thing that Ray is going through.

Sand exudes an incredibly strong parental presence in this scene; a form of unconditional love and patience. As we're often told by our parents, they're not angry at us when we veer off path, just disappointed and perhaps saddened on our behalf - but that won't stop them from loving us all the same. This is beautifully captured by First. You can detect Sand's selfless love for Ray in his every gaze, always.

⬆️ "Ever since you walked into my life, I've been so happy. So damn happy Sand."

This is where Sand almost breaks down as he displays a small, tentative smile that is laced with pained and tired relief. His eyes close in an attempt to maintain composure. Whilst there’s overwhelm, there’s also finally a glimmer of peace.

This is what Ray knows Sand needs to hear, what Ray wishes he'd said sooner. Ray picturing himself saying this to Sand may be a form of vindication in the event he doesn't get say this to him in-person.

Finally Ray collapses into Sand's arms. Sand seems to visibly reign in his own emotions, in order to revert back to 'care-taker' mode. Sand nods once, a gesture of kindness and true acceptance that says 'It's all okay, I know.'

He's Ray's pillar, his rock, and his raft. Sand has become Ray's primary source of safety and comfort. Sand's gaze is so endlessly gentle as he nestles in close to hold Ray. Everything about his embrace feels warm and stable in such a reassuring way. Sand is every bit as loving and caring as Ray just described him to be.

What makes this entire portrayal so devastating is this is the Sand Ray sees and knows. Ray mentions in Episode 11 that he’s been stowing away these details. Which indicates that everything Sand has done and said has not gone unnoticed. Whether it was due to denial or ignorance that prevented Ray from confronting it sooner, he has unconsciously taken note of it all. How Ray's image of Sand responds in this scene is based on every interaction he's had with Sand up until now. This imaginary representation of Sand is proof of everything that Ray has come to fall in love with.

First was not given any dialogue in which to communicate in this scene. His entire performance relies solely on the tiniest of micro-expressions and gestures. He symbolises the essence of Sand but not the physical manifestation of him. Therefore his acting may come across as understated but that’s a sign of real talent when you can say so much with so little.

[kerubimcrepin]

Liveblog - Dofus, livre 1 : Julith [PART 23]

I think after this it's kinda natural that Joris will never ever put his trust into anyone that isn't Kerubim or Atcham ever again.

I am once again asking why Kerubim has these books and what was he doing at devil's sacrament.

He's never beating those necromancy allegations.

There's a canonical name for the evil-ass looking huppermages.

Once again, this is Them in Dofus 2 when they reveal to Joris that they framed Julith or something. (source: my beautiful mind)

The Dessous comic implies that Marline bought this stuff from Kerubim which is so funny. It's beautiful how little of a shit the man gives for the safety of others.

I may not like Khan in his present form, as a macho gobbowler, but I like the idea of him. Joris, and his little "ghnhnn I have to do what's right, I have sacrifice my happinesss for other people" complex needs someone like that in his life who will buy him alcohol and help him run away from home when he's 14-16.

I'm sure if given another movie, or a show, Ankama's plan would have been to make Khan more likeable. He seems like a ride-or-die friend.

A scene ago he was in Julith's arms. So, she found it important to get him into the arms of this dofus-powered doll. Personally, I like to think that he started thrashing and maybe even bit her.

What did she lie about though? Liking him? Not wanting the Dofus? Being a competent person and not a fuck-up? (I love Bakara and say all of this with affection)

Once again, I empathize, that Julith was gloating about this to Bakara. That she doesn't really care about Joris (and by extension, Joris's feelings.)

She is killing a thousand people, who did nothing to her. These are civilians who came to watch a sports match. How many mothers are here with their sons and daughters who just wanted to look at their idols? If Joris never had Grougalorasalar's soul, if he and Kerubim never learned of her plan, THEY would have been among these viewers.

Julith is a very interesting character because she's ruthless, she has no morals, absolutely no understanding or compassion for others, — even Bakara or her own son, — and yet she is driven by love almost entirely. And that's her one redeeming quality.

But also — does it really change things, when you're driven by love to kill a thousand innocent people? To ruin your son's life? Because it doesn't really change much, to me...

I think there's a tragedy in that. She does love the idea of Joris. She loves what she sees of him, his voice, his face, and eyes. If she learned more about him, she'd probably love the parts he didn't show too. She'd love to see how he grew up.

She'd love how committed he is to those he loves. She'd love his ruthless march towards what he thinks is right that will allow him to close his eyes as he does unforgivable things. The only thing she would dislike is his loyalty to Bonta.

But the reverse will never be true. Joris can become a warmonger, a dictator, and a war criminal, but he would loathe to place his needs above those of others. He wouldn't do horrible things if he didn't think it was for the greater good of mankind.

As a 600yo man, Joris has lived through two apocalypses, — and yet people like Nox and Julith will lose 1-4 loved ones and go insane, killing people. I doubt he feels much for her, except for disgust.

Their friendship is so important to me. But also, somewhere out there, Tatak is crying.

I think one of the great tragedies of Joris's character is that he is doomed to break his own moral code, slowly but surely.

One must imagine Joris Jurgen living happily with the blood of innocents on his hands, because the alternative is more haunting.

One of her main issues is that she projects the actions of a few onto literally everyone in Bonta. Which is a very crazy fucking reach.

But I understand how she arrived at this reach to begin with: I don't think she was ever happy, before Jahash, and when she finally was happy, for once in her entire life, they took even that away from her.

You wanna know who else in this scene is going to have only 2 people who give meaning to his life? Jo—— [I am forcefully restrained by the police]

I just really like pointing out the similarities between Joris and Julith, — and the way these similarities underline their differences.

Once again: she doesn't give a shit about anyone's opinion. She is betting everything onto a nebulous future where Joris and Jahash and Bakara forgive and forget everything she did, and they live as a happy Fambly (in Brakmar, because that's a GOOD city and they will LOVE to move there, after being no longer welcome in Bonta due to the 1000 dead people.)

(Guy whose very emotional and Julith and Joris voice) guys I think she's starting to realize that their familial relationship is going to be unfixable.

Joris and everyone present here are quite aware that stopping this will kill one of them.

They are also very aware that one dead person is better than a thousand.

[boopboops22]

hello!❕heads up this isn’t a draw request bc ik you have a lot of those rn❕i saw you request chronic pain gon art on twitter and was wondering if you had any thoughts on that au? do you think you’d ever incorporate it in your post canon hxh lore? as someone who is realizing they might have chronic pain i just love the idea of gon having chronic pain after canon. i especially love him having a great support system for it :)

Oh my gosh I'm so happy to hear you also like the hc! I do have a lot of ideas for it actually

Ramblings about the hc below :-)

These are some doodles I did for the idea a little while back. This idea started from me projecting onto Gon losing his nen and seeing it as similar to the disabled experience.

I feel that Gon would have a huge complex about his pain and deny any aid for a while. When he does seek out assistance he treats it like an episodic thing, rather then somthing that is constant. Like, pushing through the pain and his limits for a while until he breaks down, then once he recovers from the break he goes back to pushing himself. In his head his disability is only present in these break downs allowing him to ignore it until it becomes too much. Over time though he would learn better habits and how to not push himself to a breaking point.

For his support system he definitely has so many people there for him!!

When on Whale Island Abe and Mito are the first to encourage him to slow down and be there for him when he's dealing with coming to terms with his pain. I especially think Abe would get on his case for internalized abelism and be the most understanding with him, Mito would be very supportive in caring for him but she wouldn't really understand imo. I feel like she was the one to instill hard working habits into him which can be an unhealthy mindset to keep when disabled.

When it comes to Killua I think that Gon has a bit of a complex over his pain in realtion to Killua. He'd likely wish he could tolerate pain to the extent Killua can and feel inadequate or weak for being bothered to the extent he is by the pain. Also Killua would likely feel even more compelled to protect Gon and Gon the prideful creature he is would feel insulted if Killua got overly protective.

In the end despite those issues and emotional complications, Killua is definitely who Gon would be the most soothed by when in pain and Killua would want to be there to support Gon. I think there's a lot of opportunity for softness between them because of it. Killua catching onto Gon's pain when he's trying to hide it, Gon seeking out Killua as a distraction when it gets bad, there's many cute scenarios.

Gon would absolutely be the worst at dealing with his chronic pain and with it being a side effect after being healed in this au, I think be would feel that he deserved the pain as well. Despite feeling like he deserved it he would hate being less capable from it and cause a lot of issues with his self worth. I think him accepting it with time and then learning how to work with his pain, knowing his limits and when to push them, and actually seeking aid, he would develop a much healthier relationship with his pain. I really love the idea of his character growth being reflected in him learning to take care of his condition!

I'm a person with fibromyalgia and migraines so when I picture what his pain is like and how he goes through it I'm imagining what I experience but in the future for any chronic pain Gon stuff I make I think I might make the pain a little vague so people with different kinds of chronic pain can relate!! As for incorporating this hc into my hxh lore, I'm kinda treating it as it's own au separate from most of my post canon hxh stuff. I have a pretty thorough outline worked out for my post canon lore and I don't want to shoehorn this hc into that so I'm treating it as it's own thing

I hope you gain some comfort in Gon suffering the same as you and getting enviable support from his loved ones, I love living vicariously through fictional characters 🫶

[shima-draws]

One thing about Kieran I find interesting that I haven't seen talked about elsewhere is that his fixation on Ogerpon likely comes from his obsession with strength, not the other way around. Like as early as the first signboard he mentions that one of the reasons he thinks the ogre from the story is so cool is that it was strong enough to take on three other pokemon at the same time. But Ogerpon herself doesn't seem to value strength, she seems to value kindness, which is why I think she ultimately chooses the player- our acceptance of her is unconditional, and we don't have the same sort of expectation of strength from her that Kieran does. And Kieran fails to realize that, which he proves when he challenges us to a battle for Ogerpon- he still thinks that he can win her over by showing strength, when it was never something she herself cared about, and was something he projected onto her. In a way, Kieran's feelings towards Ogerpon mirror his feelings towards the player- he latches onto us because we're strong, grows possessive over us, then spirals when we "betray" the expectations that he imposed onto us, that were never based on our actual behaviour but his idealization, and he fails to learn his lesson, doubling down and growing even more obsessed with strength as a consequence. I'm so excited to see where Indigo Disk takes him, I have some Theories that involve the potential Momotaro pokemon that might appear there, but this ask is long enough already LOL

YES YES YES yes to all of this. I think another thing is that due to his fixation on strength Kieran probably believes that having Ogerpon will make him strong, strong enough to beat the player. Which is another reason why he latches on to her so much and refuses to just give her up to the player.

And as for Ogerpon, everything kind of flips when we get her backstory reveal. She didn’t fight off the Lousy Three because she was flexing her strength, she fought them because they were crooks who stole the last precious things tying her to her human friend. But Kieran grew up believing that she liked to fight and show off her power, so there’s the wrong point of obsession for him.

I’ve also seen theories floating around that Kieran might be the Champion of Blueberry Academy, or that he becomes the Champion. And if that’s true his whole thing about getting stronger suddenly makes SO much more sense. Carmine even compliments him and says he’s a pretty strong Trainer, which like. Coming from her that’s a pretty big deal lol. I don’t think Kieran tries to challenge and beat you out of arrogance or ego tho,, it most likely ties into the possible inferiority complex he has. Maybe even tho he’s considered the “strongest” he still feels like it’s not enough, and when faced with an unbeatable trainer like the player, that makes him feel even MORE inferior and further fuels his desire to get stronger :’)

Idk I’m spitballing at this point. Again I’m obsessed with his character arc and am in a deep dive with analysis. I love hearing you guys’ takes on him too, so don’t apologize for the long ask!! This is feeding me good I’m enjoying every second of this discussion lol

[taradactylus]

Been off from tumblr a bit but I just wanna share my general thoughts about TSAMS, especially today's episode...

‼️Quick warning for suicide and self harm mention‼️

I feel betrayed. I legit cried. Out of embarassment, betrayal, and pure but well-reserved anger.

I'm not going to be quiet about how to show handled Sun's problem. Not one fucking media type ever dares to normally bring up suicidal problems, the people who suffer from this, the amount of kids and adults who DIE from such thoughts. This isn't about the overly edgy teenagers who want to normalize cutting yourself is okey and cool. This is about the people who suffered for months and years with such conditions while the world made fun of them or ignored their calls for help. Ignored the signs.

USA doesn't have much of a public transport where the show is going on. But here we do. And a lot of trains are late every day. Late for hours because of "mechanical issues". 8 out of 10 times the mechanical issue is a local kid who jumped front of the train. A teenager fed up with life. An adult who lost their way. An ederly too impatient for death.

I have waited months. Months. To see how Sun deals with it. A character I fell in love with not in a romantic sense, a character who shared way too many of my own problems from hallucinations from abuse till betrayal. A character who was pushed and pulled their entire life around people who slapped you then said they love you. I wanted to see how he heals out from it.

The signs were there. Everywhere. Sun said it out loud once that he at least fantasized about death. EVEN OLD MOON KNEW ABOUT THIS! He literally told New Moon Sun would be capable of doing it.

So why... why through Miku, the character used as the "weird fandom girl" symbol do they bring up such a delicate topic? A topic that is not delicate because you have to tip toe around the people who live with self destructive thoughts day and night, but delicate because it matters to be properly heard out AND NO ONE LISTENS!

Not one fucking media listens. A lot of us out there rely on fandoms. Stories we can escape to because the world never listens. And call me a self-projector all you want dear creators or whoever writes the story, but you either just pulled the cheapest and most dumbest way to close off a story line with solving Sun's problems off-screen, or you just legit don't give a fuck about people who "self-projected".

Honestly, what if I did? What if in a sense, I saw myself in Sun? A Sunshine of a character ruined and changed by the things that happened to him. Am I not allowed to relate to him? Am I an annoying "fan-girl" for caring about how he heals because I myself have no idea how to do it either? Or am I like Miku for hoping someone calls out on his behaviour because that's something I've wanted my entire life and never got?

And here I am, still somehow hoping Sun is lying. That he is in denial. That there is more to what was shown... but honestly? How long should I wait and hope while the character I started to like is now becoming a bit too toxic?

And with all due respect, I'm taking this episode personally. The creators watch the fandom. Probably have their secret accounts to see what the people theorize. And if Sun is not lying, and suicide is an annoying topic and we are self-projecting too much onto Sun, with all due respect, dear creators... grow the fuck up and educate yourself.

I don't need the world to pity my ass for having self-harming habits, wishing to die and even attempted suicide before (I'm getting my ass to therapy in the meantime so do not worry about me), but all I want from content creators to fucking educate themselfes before bringing up such topics. TO CARE A BIT MAYBE?!

I have survived my worst times, but not everyone does (it's not about who is weaker or stronger, only utter guilt held me back, without that I'd be long gone), andI want for those who has no help feel like they're heard and seen. Cause literally that's all itt takes sometimes to maybe save someone's life.

So yeah. I'm utterly disappointed in this episode. Not because I want the world to know that I'm suicidal and everyone should tip toe around me and "omg pls give me attention" ect ect ect...

Im disappointed because I had hopes for TSAMS to maybe, maybe be an example and bring this topic up normally for a change. But well... here goes my hope for an educational approach of suicide and self harm in a popular show.