#too many GODDAM CHARACTERS

[kaet-draws]

I wanted to practice drawing more dmc characters

[moonfurthetemmie]

Ok so fair warning. The plot part of Sunfall is suuuuper long and kinda incoherent. Like, it's basically brain vomit. This is also what 99% of all my AU notes look like.

its also REALLY fucking long. did i mention that. it's really, really long. 5k words.

side note, if there's anything you think i should tag for, feel free to ask. i think my joyfriend is watching twilight with people, and I can't brain in the slightest right now, so I can only think of one cw tag.

A new universe Happened, with a new Tree of Feelings and a new Nightmare and Dream. This one got fucked up, though. Like, super extra fucked up. 

The new spirits had nothing to do with it, and had no idea what was going on until it was too late. They managed to escape the AU before they got killed along with their home, but in doing do they release the thing into the rest of the multiverse. It follows them around, sensing their magic and wanting very much to take it.

Everywhere they go, people think they brought this thing with them on purpose. The thing isn’t super powerful yet, but it’s gaining power. 

Some people that see it are sent into fits of terror, rage, or are filled with seething hatred. They turn into horrid beasts that attack anything that moves; including each other.

Others are transfixed; something about this thing is so mesmerizing, it fills them with a sense of peace, happiness, love. They transform into seemingly angelic creatures, that peacefully wander…until they sense a person. Or one of the corrupted beasts. If one of these senses you, you won’t know until it’s too late. They’re just as deadly.

The newbies make it onto the news. Which immediately catches Dream’s attention. He’d been hearing strange rumors but What In The Goddamn

He goes to investigate himself, and realizes real fast that these two are not bringing this thing with them on purpose.

The new spirits are very young. they’re adults, but like. early twenties. They’re very confused as to what happened, and where they are. Why is there another spirit??? is there another tree?? what the shit

They introduce themselves as Orion and Corvus, and explain what they can, but they really don’t know what happened. there were probably signs but they didn’t. see. or notice.

Dream’s both very irritated with them and also like ‘well i didn’t even know shit like this could happen so i don’t know what fricken signs there’d be’ and he offers to let them stay in JR. They agree, gladly; they’ve barely had a chance to rest between running from this thing and trying to figure out how to get rid of it.

Unfortunately Dream is one of the few people who realized they were running from the Death Cloud(TM) turning people into horrid creatures and not causing it. There’s a loooooot of people who are mad Dream took them in and he’s getting so much shit about it. 

Corvus and Orion are very adamant that they’re going to need the other guardian from Dream’s AU to help with this. They’ve been trying to fight the creatures the thing spawns, and it, but with no success, save for dispatching a few of the beasts. They’re sure Dream on his own won’t be enough. They do not understand why he thinks negativity is bad and are just getting more stubborn every time he’s like ‘no, I’m not getting nightmare’s help. We don’t need him.’

Eventually he caves but goes ‘you’re going to have to find him yourselves and convince him to help. I’ve been trying to arrest him for the past one hundred years and I have no idea where he is. He probably won’t be too eager to help since JR is involved, either.’

He was right, but they manage to convince the Meme Squad and Dream to meet in some neutral place or something. There is no neutral ground in this situation but whatever. Dream also brings Ink and Finch. For security purposes n shit. 

They end up meeting by Dream and Nightmare’s Tree. Corvus and Orion are a little nervous about it, given what happened to theirs and the fact that the thing (which people have started calling ‘the Maelstrom’) seems to be following them around, but it’s probably fine. Right? Right.

Anyways hi Nightmare & Co., tldr ‘shits fucked and we’re going to need people who know what they’re doing and can deal with weird emotion shit. And apparently we aren’t qualified on our own, so. help please??? We’re in way over our heads’

Nightmare is wary, and he’s not so sure about this. He doesn’t want the multiverse to get eaten by a magic emotion cloud, either, but he’s not sure what he could do about it. He also doesn’t trust Dream and JR at all, shockingly.

He’s not given much time to consider, though, because speak of the devil: The Maelstrom has arrived.

Usually, when it shows up, it goes for any people in the area, or looks for Corvus and Orion.

This time, it almost immediately attacks Dream and Nightmare’s Tree

“WHOA WHAT THE FUCK”

“Oh my god we have to stop it-”

Unfortunately just being near The Maelstrom is fucking with the magic in the Tree, and the second it touches it, the Tree just…turns to sludge. And the magic it had is released, and the Maelstrom absorbs all of it.

When the thing had first come into being, it was about the size of your average car. It had been slowly been growing, and was closer to the size of a two-story house by the time it attacked Dream and Nightmare’s Tree. 

It damn near tripled in size after absorbing that Tree’s magic. And they can hear laughter coming from it. Beasts seem to suddenly materialize out of nothing, most of which turn to them.

Corvus and Orion get ready to try to do something about it, but Dream’s like “You two are going to get yourselves killed. We need to leave now.”

They do, though not without a few scrapes from the beasts. 

They end up back in JR, and they’re all very quiet until Cross goes “s. so. How do you plan on dealing with an evil sentient cloud, exactly???”

Corvus and Orion shrug helplessly

Dream looks pale. “...I’m beginning to suspect I know why it was following the two of you around. We need to find some way to deal with it, and quickly. I get the feeling time is not on our side.”

After that the entire meme squad is pretty much on board. They’d managed to miss a lot of the Maelstrom’s bullshit (to be fair, lots of things happened in a rather short period of time) and only knew there was some fucked up cloud thing turning people into horrible creatures. They didn’t know it was radiance and corruption. They also didn’t think it was going to try to eat other sources of positivity and negativity so um!!! That’s not good!!!!!!!

They try to make a plan, but things are worse than Dream thought. The entire multiverse is demanding to know why JR isn’t taking care of this dumb fuckin cloud!! Someone says they saw him, his captain, and his personal assistant meet with the two girls that showed up when the Maelstrom did, and the Meme Squad. 

Dream is also having his crisis about positivity not being as great as he thought in real time so he has to deal with the people’s fear and paranoia and shouting, and his crisis, and The Maelstrom getting bigger and stronger, and also Nightmare, Cross, and Error being like “boy i sure am glad that radiance is pure and shit and all the creatures made of radiance are peaceful and totally on our side” while trying to make a plan with everyone.

Most of JR is going through a similar ‘crisis’ as Dream, though he’s definitely feeling it most. Dream is keeping as many of his people updated on the Maelstrom’s shit as he can.

The Meme Squad didn’t realize any of this was happening, though, and are surprised when they find they can walk through JR almost completely unimpeded. They get a few dirty looks from time to time, but no one gives them shit. They ask Dream if he’d actually told everyone that they weren’t to be arrested or whatever and Dream just blinks and goes “...I honestly completely forgot about that, between everything going on.”

“you forgot you were trying to kill me for the past century?”

“No, I forgot to tell the guards that you’re free to roam the castle.”

“...you were actually going to???”

“Nightmare i have four or five things i have to pay attention to right now please do not start this right now. You can bitch about it as much as you want after we deal with The Maelstrom but if you start now i’m going to have a stress-induced heart attack and then we’ll both be fucked”

“Understandable have a nice day”

Stress what stress what are you talking about

Much too soon, Dream gets a report that the Maelstrom is attacking a very densely populated city. Literally the best plan they have right now is Ink’s (very not serious) suggestion of “clouds are made of gases, right? Maybe if we cool it down enough we can have an evil emotions ice cube instead of a cloud and we can lock it up in a deep freezer in Antarctica or something.” but fuck they can’t let it kill everyone, or turn all of those people into beasts

Dream, Corvus, Orion, the Meme Squad, and many other JR people including Ink and Finch go after The Maelstrom. The manage to lure it away from the city, but there’s already so many beasts. The ones it seems to be creating out of thin air are small and very weak, but it can make a lot of them, very fast. Many of Dream’s people are either killed or turned; sometimes both, as their former teammates have to cut them down.

Dream is severely injured in the fight, and his injuries, made from a far out-of-control magic that directly opposes his own, are basically eating away at him.

Corvus and Orion, though? The poor fools get petrified. Orion got smacked with some of  The Maelstrom’s corruption while she was trying to fend off one of the beasts. One hit, and suddenly she was stone. That uh…that scared Corvus a little. She managed to dispatch the beast before it destroyed Orion, but she was too panicked. She saw the blinding, poisoned radiance coming and just froze.

Between them being turned to stone and Dream looking like he’s dying from his wound, it was decided it was time for a tactical retreat.

The survivors of the attack didn’t come back feeling at all victorious. They weren’t even sure they’d managed to chase off the Maelstrom. They’d lost all those people for nothing.

Dream knew he’d need a back-up plan in case shit hit the fan, and he did have one, but none of those accounted for the possibility of Corvus and Orion getting turned to stone, so he’s going to have to rethink that. He starts making notes of what’s happened, and puts together everything they know about the entity, so Corvus and Orion can see them when they’re revived. He’s not sure what will happen to Corvus and Orion’s memories after they’re stone for who knows how long, so he doesn’t want to take chances. He knows they can be revived, though. He’s not sure how, but he can still sense their auras, so he knows they’re not dead, and if they’re not dead then whatever this is must be reversible somehow. Right…?

Once the others have recovered from the fight, they carefully return to the site of battle. Much to their relief, almost all of the beasts are ignoring the lovely garden decorations, and they manage to bring Corvus and Orion’s statues to JR. It’s a bit of an Ordeal, but they manage. They’re carefully stored in a secret area under the castle that’s usually reserved as an emergency shelter.

Dream talks to Nightmare, Finch, Ink, Cross, and Error, and goes ‘ok so. Corvus and Orion are going to need someone to keep an eye on them and protect them while they’re like that. I won’t be able to, and…well, I don’t think JR is going to survive this. Not with how the people are talking.’

Cross and Error don’t really want to help Dream, just on principle alone, but Dream unfortunately has a point. Finch and Ink tho are down

Nightmare doesn’t make Cross and Error help, but he says ‘you two know more about the tree and its bullshit than most people. you’re like, some of the most qualified people to do this.’

Dream’s got more time than they thought, though, and he and Nightmare follow the Maelstrom and try to learn as much as they can about it and the creatures it spawns. They do their best to keep the others from knowing, too; they’ll insist Dream and Nightmare Not Do That, so Dream doesn’t kill the both of them faster and Nightmare doesn’t get the pair of them killed. 

It’s strange to be working together like this after all this time, but they don’t want to risk anyone else’s safety. They’re dying anyways, they might as well do it. Nightmare’s the one that actually follows the thing and watches, with a body cam and a radio so Dream can see what’s going on and Nightmare can tell him anything else he sees/figures out. Dream writes down everything he can. He’s not in any shape to be in the field but by god is he going to do what he can to help. They both note that no one else has turned to stone.

They get a lot of info; a very impressive amount of info given their (literal) deadline, but eventually Dream succumbs to his injuries, taking Nightmare with him. Before that happens, though, Cross and Error decide to do what they can to help out, and Nightmare asks them to help Finch and Ink sort through the notes Dream’s making (“About what??” “just listen-���) and organize it and maybe translate things into common english instead Dream English if need be. 

As much as Dream wanted to organize it as he went, they didn’t have time. So it’s a mess. 

Cross, Error, Ink, and Finch do as they were asked, and are. A little scared, actually. Holy shit. They got all this?? Nothing on how to beat the thing, but it’s still way more than they knew before.

(they notice that Dream’s hand writing gets steadily shakier. The later notes are almost unreadable. He must’ve been in a lot of pain. Cross and Error wonder if Nightmare started to feel it at some point before they died.)

There’s…not much to do after that, though. There’s no telling when the new spirits are going to wake up. The four of them aren’t sure they’ll be around long enough to see them wake. 

After a while, Ink goes ‘yknow i think someone was working on cloning whole people. We could clone ourselves’

Finch: have they even managed to do that yet

Ink: i don’t know but we could ask. They’d probably jump at the chance to have a bunch of willing test subjects too

Cross: oh fuck yeah, mad science

Error: doesn’t cloning mean creating an embryo or something

Cross: Cross: i know what you’re getting at and i am no longer excited

Finch: We could probably find surrogates. 

Error and Cross: Dubious eyebrow raise

Ink: or they could grow the clones in a big test tube

Finch: I’m pretty sure that only works in movies

Error: That’d be way cooler, though. And we wouldn’t have to find someone who’d be willing to be the surrogate of clones of the two people who were closest to JR’s most wanted criminal

Ink: and i mean, really, all you’ll have to do is recreate the amniotic sac fluid and find a way to get an umbilical chord to connect to a thing of fetus nutrients 

Finch: that is a horrifying mental image

Cross: The umbilical chord takes nutrients and shit from the blood of the pregnant person so really you’d just need a giant bag of blood

Finch: Jess Christ

Cross: If it was his blood it’d have to be wine, and I don’t think that’s good for a fetus

Error: I think it would cause a fetus deletus

Finch: I’m going to have a fucking aneurism

anyways. 

The four of them go to find the Cloning Scientist™ 

Hey wait who’s that

It’s BLOO

Yeah the scientist person was basically putting out fliers that was like “VOLUNTEERS WANTED: TRYING TO MAKE CLONES” and Blue was like “well i’ve got nothing better to do. sure”

He’s also just showed up

It’s very awkward with him, Cross, and Error but the girls and Finch are like ‘excuse me we were looking for the person who’s researching cloning?’ and the scientist started fucking vibrating 

Thats SO MANY MORE PEOPLE than they expected!!! Holy shit!!!!! Fuck yeah they’ll make clones of you!! Or, try to. They think they’ve perfected the technique but there’s only one way to find out for sure, and anything could go wrong. So like jot that down

Conveniently they’ve also figured out how to incubate a fetus in a giant test tube, which they tried with animal clones first, so they don’t need to find surrogates, or carry the clones themselves! Which, that last one wouldn’t be an option for blue anyways, but he’s just here to donate his cells to science so he doesn’t care about that. They did this partly because ‘fuck yeah test tube babies’, and partly so that if something happened, they’d only lose the clone and not risk the surrogate’s life also. Pregnancy complications are scary

Blue has had no fuckin idea what’s been going on; he’s heard some things, but the shit hasn’t reached his AU yet so it’s mostly been from the News. They fill him in. He goes 👁️👁️ ‘what’

Very fun! Anyways

The other four are like ‘s. So. what do we do now’

Finch goes ‘mm. I should probably tell my boyfriend about this’

‘,,,is he interested in cloning shit or something’

‘Nnnot as far as I know?’

‘,,?? Im confused’

‘.....who do you think is going to have to take care of the clones when they’re born’

Three blank stares of ‘oh, shit.’

‘Oh for fucks sake you three’

Currently Blue doesn’t have to worry about this. He is not intending to train the child to protect and watch over a pair of idiots who could decide the future of the multiverse when they wake up. He’s more than happy to let the Scientist take care of the clone.

The five of them go check in with the cloning scientist a few times. Blue out of curiosity, and the others to mostly just make sure nothing’s wrong. Finch and the girls have even offered to help fund them if they need it, and while the scientist isn’t sure they want to take Cross and Error in particular up on that offer, they do appreciate it. Things are going along pretty well!

As the months tick away, lots of things happen.

Finch has some people take a look at Corvus and Orion, and see if they can find some way to revive them. So far there’s been nothing, except basically a rehash of what Dream said about them still being alive bc I Feel Auras, but there was a tentative suggestion of putting them in a room with an AOE magic suppressor to try to degrade whatever ‘curse’ this is faster, if they can’t find a proper counter-spell or cure or whatever.

Hacker also decides that yeah he’ll absolutely help Finch take care of his clone. He’s not like, amazing with kids, but he’s not going to make Finch deal with it himself. They can probably figure out a lot of it together, right? Also there’s Randy

Cross, Ink, Error, and Finch get together and go “I don’t think any of us know how to take care of kids maybe we should like. Do this together or something. Group support or whatever.”

The people know Dream’s dead, but they’re still pushing for JR to do something. Maybe he’s gone, but surely they can figure something out? Unless this was all planned from the beginning!

Yeah, that’s really stupid; but they’re terrified. Not knowing who to blame, they pin it on someone. 

Plus, JR is trying to find a leader! Finch is a good fit, but he’s not sure he can juggling that and watching over Corvus and Orion and raising his clone, even with Hacker’s help, so he’s basically like ‘nah not it’. Ink knows enough about the inner workings of JR that she hypothetically could, but not only does she not want to, no one else wants her to. Which leaves…about 50 people who are qualified and yelling ‘pick me pick me!!’ There’s not a whole lot they can do without a leader. All the lower people in the hierarchy can decide what they want their underlings to do, sure, but they’re having a hell of a time trying to coordinate with each other and fucking cooperate. It doesn’t help that many of them are insisting that it’s useless to try to fight this. 

Unnervingly, for every person who says this in fear, there’s another who seems to be at peace with the thought.

Also, one of the unexpected benefits of the clones getting to incubate in test tubes means that you don’t need an ultrasound to see how the little shits are doing! It didn’t take the scientist very long to notice that Ink’s clone was doing something weird. They called literally everyone, because Blue has expressed curiosity in the clones and the others have other investments that they refuse to disclose (suspicious, but whatever. science), when they realized they had fucking TWINS

“GUYS ink’s clone is two”

“,,,,what”

“TWINS”

“....what the fuck”

“I KNOW :DD”

They were so excited. Ink was not so excited, but it was kind of cool. The scientist had to bring a proper baby doctor in to take a look (who was also kinda fascinated by the test tube babies) to tell if they were twins or not, since it was basically just a lump of tissue at that point, so while Scientist called everyone to see, there…really wasn’t much to see, except the medical doctor being fascinated by the clones’ development and how well Scientist managed to execute this, and Scientist furiously scribbling notes and talking a mile a minute about how “Well with how the clones were made, it should’ve occurred to me that identical twins were a possibility. But what were the chances-” 

“About 32 in every 1,000 live births,” the doctor calls from across the room. “This is so much more helpful than an ultrasound! A shame we can’t do this for every baby.”

“-Twins!!!” the scientist says grinning, like an excited parent. Ink, the actual to-be parent of the twins, looks like she’s writing her will in her head.

Finally, after roughly nine months, the five who got cloned get a call from the cloning scientist, who is VERY excited. The test tube fetuses are now whole ass babies!!!! They have successfully cloned a human! Five of them, even! ...or. Six? Five humans, six clones. Yeah.

Cross, Ink, Error, and Finch can’t take their clones yet, because the Doctor is back and needs to run tests to make sure they’re healthy, which Scientist is very very excited about. They also want to keep an eye on the little guys for a few days to make sure everything’s fine.

…On the second day Finch calls Cross and Error in a panic and says the Maelstrom found its way to JR.

The come rushing, only to find Blue there too. He says Scientist called him and said they needed someone to grab the clones and get them out of the AU, and that they weren’t sure they themself would make it out. He was not expecting the Maelstrom to have shown is misty ass but uhh. That’s not good

The three of them find Finch quickly, who tells them to grab the clones and run. He and Ink are on their way to get Corvus and Orion, but people are already turning into beasts. the Maelstrom has gotten powerful enough that its mere presence can cause transformations, even if you’re not aware of it. Be careful.

When they get to the lab, the scientist and doctor are already dead. There’s a pair of beasts in there; one of each kind, who seem more focused on each other than the screaming baby clones, thank god. 

They definitely notice the adults, though. Cross gets the things’ attention and tells Blue and Error to get the clones out of there. They have to yell at Blue a few times to get him to move; he’s just been staring in horror at the bodies. When they get him to snap out of it, though, he moves fast. The clones get out quick, and Error has Blue go through the portal with the last of them while she helps Cross dispatch the beasts.

Later Blue and Error will wonder how the heck they made that go so smoothly between the two of them, given gestures at their relationship, but it’s done now. 

They try to get to the shelter where Corvus and Orion are, but there’s too many beasts and panicking people in the way. They, grudgingly, meet up with Blue and the baby clones

“,,,,error why are we all in Blue’s house”

“Well i wasn’t bringing him, Ink, or Finch to our house, and there’s not exactly anyone else we know who even lives outside of JR. Did you want me to drop him and the babies off in the baby section of walmart???”

“ok yeah that’s fair”

Ink and Finch found even more beasts in the shelter. And blood. They realize that people had tried to hide here when the Maelstrom showed up, but weren’t spared any more than those upstairs had been. 

They try not to think about how many of the beasts were people they knew, and just try to kill them before they can get to Orion and Corvus. The spirits are locked in a room that only Finch has a key for, but all the beasts seem eager to get in there. Many are trying to tear the door down. 

It’s almost an hour before Cross, Error, and Blue see Ink and Finch. They look grim, and are covered in the beasts’ blood, but Orion and Corvus are safe. After they get nice long showers, they all trade stories. 

There are six entire homeless baby clones in Blue’s living room. Five are already spoken for, but…?

Blue’s clone is fast asleep. They’d been the first to fall asleep once they’d been taken to safety. Some of the others were still crying, but Blue’s clone seemed content. 

After some careful consideration (read: making excuses to himself despite knowing better) he decides he’s going to try to take care of them.

The others are like ‘you can. Find someone to adopt them’ but he’s apparently made up his mind. Why is entirely beyond them but Finch invites him to the parent support group thing

Cross and Error take lil Xena and Java home, and Finch and Ink are like ‘welp time to head home’

And then stop and blink

They lived in jr. in the apartments. Which was under attack a little bit ago. um.

‘,,,,actually blue can you take these guys a sec.’

‘Yeeaaah go make sure things are ok’

Nothing is okay, the castle is wrecked. Several portions of wall have collapsed. There’s beasts everywhere. 

They might be able to get through the rubble to rescue some of their shit, but not with these beasts. Finch wants to at least look for survivors, but it’s too risky. 

Congratulations you two, you are now homeless. Finch can at least move in with Hacker, but Ink doesn’t have anywhere to go, unless she wants to try moving in with Blue, Cross and Error, or Finch and Hacker and Hacker’s adoptive dad and sister. Which she really doesn’t. She’ll have to stay with someone for a while though.

She ends up staying with Blue until she can afford her own place. She doesn’t really want to ask Cross and Error and is real sure they wouldn’t let her move in anyways. Even if it looks like JR is completely gone and she wouldn’t get them arrested.

They gotta do something about Corvus and Orion, though. They’re just kinda sitting in Blue’s yard right now and the Maelstrom is definitely trying to get at them, so they really, really can’t stay there. 

They get moved several times before, after a lot of research on the side and some very risky stealth trips to the ruins of JR’s various labs and shit, they figure out how to make a room that can conceal Corvus and Orion’s auras. They stick a magic suppressor in there, too. Just in case it does help revive them.

Some of the research that Dream and Nightmare did was lost in the attack on JR, but Ink and Finch managed to save most of it, and between the four of them they did actually remember some of what was missing and wrote it down. They’re sure there’s still stuff missing, but they’re going to try to learn more about the Maelstrom anyways so,,

They make as many copies of the notes as they can, though. Just in case. The main bulk of it, the thick notebook Dream had started his notes in and that the others had carefully sorted through, stays with Corvus and Orion. Cross, Ink, Finch, and Error each have a copy. They give one to Blue too just in case because these notes are all they have on how they could possibly deal with this thing, and how it works. They can’t lose them.

As the clone kids get older the adults are very transparent about what they are. It feels like something they probably shouldn’t hide. The kids don’t fully understand for a while though.

Finch and the girls also take their clones to see statues Corvus and Orion. They add more complicated stuff to the story of who the two are as the kids get older, until it’s Everything.

Eventually, when the kids are no longer kids and are whole ass adults, and the older versions are middle-aged at best, Orion and Corvus de-petrify 

They may not have been frozen in ice for the past ~20 years, but dear god their brains are mushy. Corvus keeps flirting with everyone, including herself when she sees her reflection. Orion is dazed and keeps mumbling something about calamari. Neither can stand on their own. Anyone who gets too near Corv gets “i bet you’re sooooo strong <333 you should carry me <3333”

They’re still loopy and dumb when the older ones get there, and Corv is like ‘omg it’s you guys <3333 hi <333’ while Orion goes ‘you were there too,,,,,with the fucking,,,,,squid cloud,,,’

The older ones completely ignore Corv’s flirting. Sorry sweetie but you’re still like 20 you’re too young for them now. Corv is SO upset

Once the spirits recover some (and corv is absolutely mortified by her own behavior while Orion tries not to snicker) the others catch them up on what’s happened

“The fuck you mean you cloned yourselves. Also who the hell is that guy”

“that’s blue he’s just some guy. He also cloned himself but only for science”

“What”

And now Corvus and Orion have to take a crash course in all the info the older ones have gathered in the past two decades, and also maybe get better at fighting. They were decent before but it wasn’t enough, and now the thing has gotten stronger. 

[gatorbites-imagines]

If you're interested I'd like to request some ftm Mihawk X service top Male reader, like goddam I really wanna worship this man and eat him out/mark him 😭

Ftm Dracule Mihawk x male reader

Headcanons

I love Mihawk, hes one of the few one piece characters I can look at and think “he definitely smells good”. I was listening to dark academia when writing this, since I felt it fit Mihawk.

Mixed terminology for Mihawks bits, like usual.

Mihawk carries a lot of stress in his day-to-day life, I mean, how couldn’t be. He doesn’t show it, at least not to those who don’t know him. But as his partner, you can spot it immediately when he’s more tense than usual.

There is nothing you love more than to make Mihawk feel good, which results in many people thinking you are some kind of lovesick fool. (for some reason I imagine Gomez and Morticia Addams in this dynamic)

Many thing Mihawk is cold, aloof and emotionless, that he doesn’t return your strong emotional acts, but you know he has his own ways to show his love. Like the way he lets you take care of him and puts down his defenses around you, in the way he caresses your cheek in the morning, or how he brings you small trinkets from his travels.

You cant help but yearn to make Mihawk feel as good as you possibly can, especially on days where he clearly needs to let off some steam.

It starts with a bath of the highest quality, with Mihawks favorite scents and soaps, where you’ll even go as far as wash his hair and beard for him, massaging at his tense shoulders and arms.

Massages has become one of the easiest ways to make Mihawk unwind, as he only lets you do it, so his body immediately knows its safe and that he doesn’t need to be on guard when you massage him.

He does grumble and give you a half-hearted glare when you start nipping and sucking hickeys on his neck and arms, calling you a possessive bastard, especially when you keep leaving hickeys where everyone can see as he goes around shirtless.

In the earlier period of your relationship, he would never allow it, but nowadays he lets you pick him up out of the bathtub, dry him off, even lets you rub his favorite lotion into his skin.

If you end up sliding to your knees between his thighs when he’s sitting on the counter, who but you two would know. Mihawk has never been much of a moaner or for making noise in general, but you can always see that your loving and caring touches lights a fire in him, as he’s always wet on your fingers when you rub them through his folds.

He leans back against the mirror as you lick and suck at his cock and folds, experience guiding you in the best ways to make his thighs quiver and breath stutter.

Only after hes cum will you pull back, wiping your mouth and picking your swordsman back up, moving him into the bedroom and laying him down on the silky sheets that cover the huge bed you guys share.

As much as Mihawk wants to keep going from where you left off in the bathroom, you just spread him out and go off to grab the massage oil, rolling him onto his front so you can start actually working into his back.

Mihawk always feels your erection pressing against the small of his back as you knead at his tight muscles, something inside him feeling hot and gooey at the knowledge that you are so aroused, but you always want to take care of him more.

You take the chance to leave more bites and hickeys as you work down his back and to his legs, spreading his thighs apart so you can rub at them too. Of course, you take the chance to lift his hips a bit and lick through his folds again, causing Mihawk to gasp into the sheets.

The fact that you are the only person to see Mihawk Dracule like this, splayed out across the sheets and so relaxed, muscles lax and hips rolling lazily back against your tongue, almost has you bursting right then and there.

As you keep eating him out, you rub down as much of his legs as you can, pulling away from his cunt with a string of fluids connecting your tongue and his heat so you can scoot down and rub down his feet too, much to Mihawks annoyance.

Rolling him onto his back, you do the same to his front, making sure to kiss at his top surgery scars and leave bites down his stomach, before sucking his cock between your legs as you hike on of his legs over your shoulder.

Mihawk is a vision as he basks in pleasure, arms tucked under his head and eyes half lidded as they look down at you. He looks soft and pliable, but somehow still so powerful, even as he lets you pretty much worship him with your hands and mouth.

Its only after he mumbles for you to get on with it that you slide fingers into him, crooking them just the way he likes as you roll his cock in lazy circles with your tongue, the flat side of your tongue rubbing the bundle of nerves enough to send a tingling feeling up his spin.

As you open him up, you make sure to mumble compliments, about how strong he is, how much you love him and his body, how much you think about him and crave him whenever he is away.

All this praise and touching culminates in a second orgasm, starting slowly in his stomach and warming over time, as you of so lazily draw it out of him, your movements and actions having no rush even as he gasps, thighs clamping down on either side of your head.

As he calms down from the orgasm, you move away from his crotch to press kisses against his lower stomach instead, rubbing a loving hand up and down his thigh so as to not overstimulate him.

At some point Mihawk grabs onto your hair and pulls at it, pulling you up on top of him instead, hooking his legs around your hips as he stares at you intensely. Theres no need for words to express what he wants, especially as his pupils are bigger than normal, and there’s a flush to his cheeks.

Your pants and boxers are easily kicked off to the floor, and after slipping on a condom, you carefully push inside his slit, all the prep and work to make him relax easing the way, making it easy for you to bottom out.

What you two experience is more like the act of making love, compared to fucking. Hips rolling in slow loose thrusts, lips pressing together in an open-mouthed kiss as you breathe one another in as hands explore and grab at whatever flesh they can find.

There is no hurry, like there has been no hurry the entire night, its all about making Mihawk feel good in your eyes, your own need for orgasm completely leaving your mind, or maybe having never even been present in the first place.

The third orgasm Mihawk experiences has his eyes clenching shut, mouth dropping open into a beautiful O shape, as soundless moans tremble out of him, cunt gripping tighter onto your shaft as he shudders through it.

His toes curl and fingers dig into your back, Mihawk almost forgetting to breathe until you remind him, making him gasp. You almost want to pull out, since your own end means nothing, but Mihawks legs stay locked around your hips, rocking you in and out of him.

Your orgasm leaves your vision going black for a second or two, the feeling washing through you like a wave as you grunt and cling closer to your lover, filling the latex wrapped around your shaft with a moan, mixed with yet another mumble of praise for the man you love.

You two stay pressed up against each other for a while, just basking in the others presence, until it starts to get uncomfortable.

Pulling out, you discard of the soiled condom, and go about cleaning up, getting new sheets on the bed, and wiping your lover down as he lays lax and half asleep, though Mihawk is never fully asleep until you crawl back into bed with him.

Its only times like this that he gets to completely relax, falling asleep against your side as you caress his hair and rub his back. Its some of the best sleep Mihawk ever gets, knowing that you are there to love him and care for him. The multiple orgasms also help with putting him to sleep.

Its only after Mihawk is completely asleep that you close your eyes. You never go fully to sleep, keeping some of your consciousness alert, just in case you’ll end up needing it. Its mainly to allow Mihawk to get the deep sleep he needs, without having to worry about keeping his guards up himself. And you’ll do anything for your partner.

[oscconfessions]

dear osc, here’s a fun fact:

Headcanoning mean characters as aromatic BECAUSE they’re mean is weird!!

I have seen this TOO GODDAM MANY TIMES. Moldy, yang, snowball, blocky, and others

listen. If you just see them as aro BY coincidence then it’s fine. But saying someone cannot feel romantic feelings/attraction because they’re mean is icky and rubs off as arophobic (I think that’s the right term) imo

.

[animentality]

I haven't watched jujutsu kaisen, and I don't know if I ever will, I'm really just cruising all the gay ships atm, but from what I've gleaned from osmosis.

it's actually not as generic as I thought it was.

I always thought the character designs were really boring, but now that I know the creator doesn't even like what seems like the majority of his cast, it makes sense.

and you know what? no sarcasm but I kind of appreciate a writer who has open disdain for their own heroic characters and is way more obsessed with their villain.

I respect it, I really do. no sarcasm at all.

sometimes you just wanna write a story about a villain but it's not accessible unless you pretend it's about the heroes.

then you literally kill off the entire cast until it's just your villain, like you always wanted.

I kin with that. it's certainly different.

also I have to respect that the man has the balls to delete so many fan favorites.

it's not like every other goddam shonen that doesn't have the balls to kill their merchandiseable characters.

is he going too far? definitely.

is it at least unique? also definitely.

I'm not sure if any manga was that ruthless towards the series' fan favorites.

I doubt it's well written, given how much people complain, but it takes balls, ok?

respect.

[inbarfink]

I mean, at the end of the day, technically almost every single Zim Vs. Dib episode is an embarrassment to Zim. Because Zim is a full-grown probably-centuries-old highly-trained-(former)-elite-alien-soldier armed with superior technology. The fact that he considers this Literal Child to be a threat to his plans would actually be extremely humiliating if Zim could ever admit the reality of the situation. Both in the cases that he’s right (cause having a child, even one with partial access to whatever-passes-for-advanced-technology on this planet be your worthy opponent is Extremely Lame) and in the cases that he’s wrong (because in those cases Zim just wasted a whole bunch of his resources - including a pimple with hypnotic powers, an all-powerful mini-mech and perfect virtual reality and a literal goddam time machine - on a 12 year old that no one listens to anyways)

I mean, jeez, how many times has Dib technically saved the Earth - not by stopping Zim’s latest scheme - but by being the target of it? Making Zim waste resources that should’ve gone into weakening Earth’s defenses or targeting its leaders and instead channeling all of that technology and Zim’s general malice and mayhem at this sixth grader? Again, Zim developed temporary hypnotic powers and wasted them on getting Dib to identify a flaw in his security system that he found. So while Dib technically lost that one battle against Zim…

He also kinda indirectly saved the world from a Zim who would use Pustulio’s Power for literally any other more useful purpose.

But, of course, if Dib could ever come to that revelation - he would absolutely hate it. Dib wants to be the cool hero who saves the world from a dangerous alien invasion via his wits and brainpower

Not the useful distraction that keeps Zim too occupied with one-upping him to actually be a credible threat to Earth. That would be very bad to his ego.

‘Enter the Florpus’ is kind of a great demonstration of that whole thing, actually. Because Dib claims to be ‘all that stands between Zim, and the annihilation of our world’ and despite ‘Florpus’ being kind of a more traditional heroic narrative for Dib - that still couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Because despite Dib being undisputedly the main character of ‘Enter the Florpus’, pretty every major action taken to foil Zim’s plan in the movie was performed by another member of Team Membrane

Such as Gaz

And Tak’s Ship

And Professor Membrane

And even Clembrane

And the most useful thing Dib actually did himself in that whole movie? Chase Zim for a bit 

That whole chase scene had them basically equally-matched for the whole of it, Dib didn't really get any closer to getting his hands on Minimoose and then he pretty thoroughly lost (before his dad came over to save his butt)

But you know, that was still probably an invaluable part of Zim’s defeat. Because Dib chasing Zim around for a bit was a distraction preventing him from somehow making things worse before Professor Membrane and Gaz and the other Competent People could come over to actually stop him.

Dib wasting time and then getting his ass kicked was so vital to Zim’s defeat and the salvation of the Earth - but he’d probably die from despair and embarrassment if he ever had to truly confront that fact.

[fumesandechoes]

The wheel of time is among my favorite book series' and it is unfair that my favorite series is now also one of IMO the best ways to create a respectful adaptation.

Adaptations of novels to television, movies, video games or basically any visual medium)l, improve the identity of their source text in many ways. We should judge them first and foremost NOT by their ability to bring the text to a different medium, but by whether they show parts of the world, characters, and themes we didn't get within the book. There is actually a LOT of room in this space and creators who do NOT use it are often doing their art and their source text a disservice.

TV adaptations are more like music videos than they are like fan art. Wheel of Time the TV show has so far done an incredible job doing that.

Here's a few examples of things we never got before the show.

1: The detailed emotional experience of a warder after the death of the Aes Sedai, until his own death.

2: Anyone talking about a warder after they have died like they're a human being (so fitting it was Lan too)

3: The direct consequences for many questionable actions for certain characters including Moraine, Rand, and Lanfear.

4: Mat unshackles himself from captivity.

5: Thom singing the laments of the past.

6: One of our own heroes becoming a hero of the horn.

7: A version of Perrin's arc with the white cloaks being formally established with some goddam stability.

8: Ishamael's philosophy seeping into the collective culture of the dark friends.

9: Lanfear and Ishamael having any amount of direct interaction.

10: Moraine reconnecting with any of the Damodreds.

11: Displays of material and hierarchical culture for tons of groups but especially the Aiel, The Tower, and The White Cloaks.

12: Rand works through his feelings about his own impending madness by getting to know some men going through mental trauma.

13: Nyneve gets to meet some of the people Lan considers family.

14: Complex takes on characters like Mat, Nyneave, and Moraine's family lives.

15: More involvement from secondary characters like Min, Verrin, Tomas, Allana, and Loial.

[footprintsinthesxnd]

Country Roads

So I’m going to prewarn you all now that this fic is very angsty, mentions character death, grief, dying, lots of crying but in a way that is a sort of happyish ending. If not a happy ending then one of acceptance. This is also my first Skip Muck fic so I hope you all enjoy as much as you can.

Skip’s footfall was heavy against the dirt track, as he kicked up the dust allowing the familiar path home. His class A uniform hung to his body as the sun beat down on his back, causing the sweat to tickle uncontrollably between his shoulder blades. He huffed, slinging his bag onto his other shoulder. The local red postal van trundled past him, apparently oblivious to his presence.

“Hey, watch where you’re going!” He shouted, waving his hand in annoyance as the dust swirled up around him and he brushed down his uniform. “Goddam dust everywhere,” he grumbled as he continued.

The postal van was parked outside his family home and he watched excitedly as his mother came out of the front door to receive the letter. “Hey Ma!” He called, waving his arms frantically. It was the first time he’d seen his mother in two years, but it felt like only yesterday that he’d left for Toccoa.

His mother called out to someone and Faye quickly appeared next to her, her signature beaming smile on her lips, until his mother spoke to her. Faye’s face fell and even from where Skip stood he could visibly see the tears trailing down her cheeks. His mother and Faye embraced, falling to their knees on the decking and Skip found himself breaking out into a run, throwing his kit bag on the verge and sprinting up the driveway.

“MA! Ma, what’s wrong? Faye? Faye, talk to me, sweetheart.” Skip skidded to a halt, bending down beside them and throwing his arms around the sobbing women but no one moved. No one reacted.

“Faye?” Skip placed his hand under her chin but she didn’t look at him, too consumed with grief of the news. “Faye? Ma? What’s going on?” Skip stood up, waving his arms in front of the woman. “Faye, my sweet, why are you crying? I’m home. Faye, listen to me.”

“She can’t hear you Skip, neither of them can.” Skip spun around to see Alex Penkala, also dressed in his class A uniform watching the unusual reunion.

“What do you mean?” Skip looked back at his family before facing his friend again. “What are you doing here, Penk?”

“It’s your time to go Skip. It’s both our time to go.” Alex moved closer, placing a hand on Skip’s shoulder but he shrugged him off.

“Go where? Penk, I just got home. What’s going on?” Skip searched his friend's eyes for any answer but Alex just continued to watch him sympathetically, his hand still raised to support him should he need it.

“You need to come with me now,” Alex leant forward, taking Skip’s hand in his. “I’ll explain everything.”

Skip watched his friend in confusion. “Skip, I’m so sorry. You’ve not come home. You’ve come to say goodbye. Some of us don’t get to go home, Skip. Some of us didn’t make it out of Bastogne.” Alex admitted, his own eyes welling with tears now.

Skip stepped away from Alex, his hands shaking and his vision blurred with tears. This couldn’t be true. He couldn’t be gone. He was only twenty-three, and he had so many plans, so much he wanted to do. Then again Alex was only twenty-one, just a boy really.

“Skip, are you okay?”

“What about them? What about my family?” Skip turned to see his father joining his mother and Faye, falling to his knees beside them. Skip just wanted to hold them, to tell them he wasn’t scared, that he was alright.

“It’s not their time, Skip. They can’t come with us,” Alex’s voice was soft and calm. Skip wasn’t sure how he’d accepted their death so quickly. How was he okay with this?

“Hey guys, what took you so long?” Hoobler called, waving at them as he hurried down the driveway.

“Hoob? What are you doing here?” Skip asked, embracing the bubbly Corporal, who hugged him tightly.

“Come on Skip. Let’s go and see the others,” Hoobler grabbed Skip and Alex’s hands, dragging them after him as he followed the path away from the house.

“The others? What do you mean?” Skip asked, stopping Hoobler in his tracks.

“The others. Well, there’s Miller, Meehan, Evans, Julian, Bloser, Harris, Dukeman and all the others. The gang’s back together.” Hoobler spoke enthusiastically and Skip found himself feeling less fearful at the prospect of leaving his family and the world of the living.

Skip glanced back at his family one last time, watching as his father led his mother and Faye inside. “Goodbye Faye. I love you. I wish I could have married you.”

Skip turned back down the dusty path that had once led him home and now travelled in the opposite direction, and as he followed Penkala and Hoobler he couldn’t help but turn and give his family home one last look. The familiar white shutters, the green front door with child-sized fingerprint smears of the paint from when he was young, the post outside that marked the child’s height as he grew into a young man. A house so full of fond memories of a young life well lived. He only hoped that his family would share many more memories in that house and hoped they would think of him often and fondly when they did.

Tags: @georgieluz @iceman-kazansky @yeahcurrahhe-e @msmercury84 @blvestxr @dustyjumpwjngs @theflyingfin @jump-wings @kafka-ohdear @kmc1989 @mads-weasley @docroesmorphine @liptonsbabe @ronald-speirs @sweetxvanixlla @hesbuckcompton-baby @ronsparky @allthingsimagines @whollyjoly @bucky32557038ww2 @panzershrike-pretz @malarkgirlypop @hanniewinnix @inglourious-imagines @l13bg0tt

[kkat-astrophic]

Sorry, same ask as the fanfic one but I want to continue telling more about this fic so basically the plot is they were teleported to a place to watch the future and after the 1st chapter Kyoko confront Sayaka about her framing Makoto, and got mad at her and stuff and she didn't even mention what she did to Leon. So basically they've also change lots of dialogue... And about the bath scene, Makoto thoughts about the bath scene wasn't mentioned and how the scene also changed of instead of him willing peeking through, he was dragged by and force to see the girls. Also apparently Sayaka in the fanfic purposely flirts with Makoto and give the other girls with crushes 'sly smile' and giving them a 'murderous aura of jealousy' and Mukuro called Sayaka a 'vixen' and they always defend Makoto even tho what the others said were a bit of teasing (etc Leon teasing Makoto about him referring Sayaka as a doll and Sayaka suddenly quips back)

WHAT THE FUCK BRO HELP

Please remember, no hate to the original creator of the novel!

Okay so this is literally one of those "gacha life danganronpa reacts to the future" with more plot. Alright let me break this down word by word. /hj

"Kyoko confront Sayaka about her framing Makoto, and got mad at her and stuff" - Okay so that's OOC for both of them because 1. Kyoko wouldn't be the one to try and change the course of the future, unless she really liked Sayaka, but later it's shown that Sayaka is mean to her and the others. and 2. Sayaka isn't mean? She knows the future, and it must mean she knows she's on national tv and being watched, she wouldn't let her idol mask drop just like that for being accused of a murder she is later to attempt.

"she didn't even mention what she did to Leon." - If Kyoko was trying to save Sayaka who she wasn't close with why would she not try and save Leon too?

"And about the bath scene, Makoto thoughts about the bath scene wasn't mentioned and how the scene also changed of instead of him willing peeking through, he was dragged by and force to see the girls." - ooc because he did it in canon, it's fine if it's like... Hifumi being reluctant to see ("I'm only into 2D!") <- but it would work because he has so many other flaws. Throughout the course of THH we get to see like... 3 flaws from Makoto. Number One: The bath scene, which is his biggest flaw. Number Two: "he's too trusting" <- that's not even a fucking flaw bro and Number Three: He's willing to let Byakuya step all over him and bully him. Removing the bath scene removes his biggest flaw, and if girls are around him all the time Byakuya won't get a chance to be a little bitch. So techincally, Makoto is a Y/N self insert character.

"Also apparently Sayaka in the fanfic purposely flirts with Makoto and give the other girls with crushes 'sly smile'" - Okay goddam. Take a look at this sprite set.

DO ANY OF THESE GIVE YOU "mean girl vibes" OR "She's sly" OR "boyfriendkisserIthoughtshewasmyfriendwehadagoodtimebutnowI'mgonnamissherBOYFRIENDKISSER" (<- TDWT) vibes??? NO. NONE OF THESE PORTRAY SAYAKA LIKE THAT! NONE!

"'murderous aura of jealousy'"

Ah yes, a murderous aura of jealousy!

"Mukuro called Sayaka a 'vixen' and they always defend Makoto even tho what the others said were a bit of teasing" - WHY WOULD MUKURO START BEEF WITH ANYBODY IF SHE HAS SEEN THE FUTURE AND KNOWS SHE'S GOING TO DIE TO JUNKO?! WOULDN'T SHE WANT TO STAY SAFE?!

Okay so this whole fic is OOC and they turned MAKOTO into the dating sim protagonist. (Like I was watching a stream yesterday at the streamer was like "Oh I thought it was a dating sim, chat how old are these people?") like, they're teenagers they want to survive and see their parents again, NOT FAWN OVER A GUY THEY JUST MET-

[soulsisterif]

LITG Season 9

(Not Soul Sister related, people, just ranting)

After weeks and weeks of not playing I got up to date with season 9 and... Well, actually I didn't finish playing the latest volume. Same disappointments as always. I'm not one to post to complain but I'm kinda frustrated. Ranting got too long, so, under the cut.

First off I understand that male LIs are also infuriating and that wlw players are not this game's target audience (then again, there are few of those) but dude, at this point I'd rather not have any sapphic options. The last route I recall being actually good (by which I mean the female LI not stringing me along à la Marisol until the very end) was Najuma's and Angie's, and that was season 4. Yes, you can only couple up with Angie at the end too, but you get so many info about her, and so many sweet moments and bonding that I didn't even care. And it's more about her being unsure of her feelings than unwilling to be with you. Quite relatable. Peak of this game for me, if I'm being honest. Good friends to lovers, even if they went too far too fast with the sex scene in my opinion. Still, it was very well written!

But every single season after that had the female LI fucking drooling over several men (and sometimes women too) and then adding a half-assed line like, "'oh, but I don't know, I have my eyes on someone else too', she gives you a wink". Like that makes it okay? I think the only truly unapologetically loyal female LIs were Najuma and AJ back in season 3.

They put so little thought into incorporating the wlw routes that to make them progress you have ludicrous paths. Like, in my playthrough Henri won a challenge and as a prize my MC could actually dismiss him and choose to go to the hideaway with Natasha or Kelly instead. Like ??? That's just bad writing.

What's worse, we can't even make friends anymore, it's all about romance, which wipes out most of the appeal this game had for me. Practically every islander, even after you reject them, comes at the MC confessing their undying love like a crazy stalker for no reason, because we know nothing about each other! Besides half of the options you have to get to know more about what's happening around you force you to be an insufferable gossip or a petty child. "Let's listen to a private convo, MC", "Why don't you sneak a kiss with guy 2 to make guy 1 jealous?" And you have to pay an unfair amount of gems to do it, on top of it!

I want to get to know the characters BEFORE I choose who I want to pick. I want to know the characters even if they are not romanceable. It's ridiculous, though, that there are seasons in which you know more about your besties than you do about your LI. That's why Angie, or Seb, or Nicky, or Viv or Thabi, hell, even Hope and Lottie, wth all their flaunted flaws are so appealing. That's why Season 2 is so goddam popular. We had actual interactions back then. Now, whatever interactions there are, you just witness.

This is also why people like games like Too Hot to Handle so much more. I'm not really into guys but I still play their routes because it's good content beyond romance stuff. Hell, Jirayu may be my favourite out of this season's bunch. And they're all different! It's an interactive game, choices should matter.

At this point I'll probably stop playing and limit myself to read other people roasting Fusebox. Honestly, a company that asks for the fans' opinions season after season just to ignore all the feedback doesn't deserve half the players they still have.

There, ranting over XD

[sucantslay]

Wataru and Eichi's solo song analysis

-How did it connect together and the meaning of their relationship-(Part1: Eichi)

I'm literally crying, and there will be more tears after this...but I must...

If you're questioning why I delivered this analysis so late...uhm, it's long. But in short, I've to re-read some of the stories just to make some needed points and to make sure that the facts are true ( and all kinds of business randomly pop up on my schedule, haunting me for weeks! )

Before that, I need you to read some warnings first!

This is my PERSONAL way of looking at their characteristic, if it is not for you, YOU'RE FREE TO HAVE YOUR OWN IDEAL.

Even if you're an Eichi-P, an Eichi hater, or just someone who simply wants to know more about him, I welcome you all with open arms. No one is being banned here. But pls, if you don't like or enjoy the way I look and think of Eichi, do not send hate or make any big mess. If you don't like it, just stop reading, that's it.

There won't be much of the translated song picture because Tumblr stops me from putting 10pic in a post so...again with the word.

THIS IS GONNA BE GODDAMN LONG! I spit it into 2 parts! And it still LONGGG HELP! ( Part 1 will be Eichi's song and Part two is for Wataru song ) I'll make a tag and put the link so you can get to Wataru's part.

I'll be using these 2 Eichi solo songs to analyze:

Shinning star + Crystal Pleasure

And for Wataru:

Amazing World + Wandering Clown

I'm so sorry if there is not much information about Wataru, as well as a good look into his character. We don't have much information about him so...I need things to base on, a clue to know what up with him, but it is hard to even find one because he rarely talks about himself. So most of this analysis will be talking about it from Eichi's standpoint. It's funny how both rarely talk about their family and other personal stuff but since Wataru is around and always able to pull some lore out of Eichi's mouth, we get to know more about Eichi. Though, it was not the same for Wataru because Eichi have lot of respected for him. There had been multiple occasions when Eichi tried telling Wataru that he could open up to him but after some silence, Eichi just said: "It ok if you don't wanna talk about it." And they continued on with other stuff.

Alright, let's set up a map for this one because it is kinda LOnGGGGG

A small summary of young Eichi and how he came to know Wataru + during the war and after the war ended.

What thoughts do I have on Eichi being so in love with Wataru?

Into the song: About Eichi's solo then we'll get to Wataru's solo later.

1. A little summary!

Since this post is a goddam 4 song-analyzing post, it going to be hard for those who just want to get to the song part, so I made a whole different post for it!

If you're interested, go ahead and read the summary, if not, you can get to other parts. BUT, I STRONGLY RECOMMEND YOU TO read it ( if you have the time to ) because it going to help you understand Eichi's character better and enjoyable view of his song and the connection he has with Wataru.

2. Some of my thought on their dynamic ( 0v0/ ✨❤️✨)

I'm crying in happiness to get a chance to talk about them. I really want to do this for a long time ago but never got the time to.

As I've mentioned before in part 1. Eichi is Wataru's biggest fan.

So, it is likely that Eichi loves him but also puts a distance wall in their relationship like how a fan is to their idols.

From the brutal war, Eichi thinks he had hurt too many people to be forgiving PLUS the self-hate and low-esteem, it is just like a knife that was already placed in his chest, after the war ends, it just goes deeper in.

Wataru visited him but it did not make Eichi cry in tear of joy but in pain, because to Eichi, now, no one would like to be with him anymore. It was a good choice to let Tsumugi go, so he can be free. It was a good choice to made that damn contract even if friendship is what needed to help a Unit grow strong.

That "Fine" was never a Unit in Eichi's eyes. It was nothing but a weapon he used to wield. To kill the innocent, carefree being, yet it was necessary.

An action he must took to made the school a better place. And he did, he succeeded but sacrificed himself in the process.

So, if it was not for Wataru, we would never have the Fine today. Heck! Maybe we never get to see Eichi again and he will become nothing but the dust of Yumenosaki's past.

And I was so in tears! Every goddamn time Eichi keeps on with that suspicious look, scare that Wataru wouldn't be with him anymore, that Eichi will be throw away like trash.

Like! Give it a rest buddy! He love you! That it!

And to that depressed little rich guy? Wataru didn't hate him or stay away from him at all!

He was also trying his best, like feeding a kid the food they hate but is healthy so Wataru have to keep trying.

He kept on trying and trying just to let Eichi know: "I'm here for you, and I won't run away, I won't hurt you, I won't betray you. I will be here, with you."

With that came! The shiniest moment of the two!

EP: Link!

When Wataru literally gave Eichi his one and beloved mask that he wear all the time, just to let Eichi know that he'll always be here for Eichi.

I laughed so hard with Eichi just confused at the spot until others showed up.

Like, Eichi, yeh? Rich, smart, good looking. Yet just for a mask now placed on his hand and he getting all wonder in space.

Why? Because he was so sure about everything he thought! To him, his plan was perfect, to the man who wounded many, of course, he would never think that the plan in his head would not become true. He did it before, how can he fail it this time?

It couldn't go wrong, right? He thinks to himself but never did he consider it to be just some random stuff that he made up in his head and reality is different.

When he hear the news that Wataru participated in the actor test, he thought Wataru gave up on being an idols. Then went: "Well...look like he didn't want to be with me anymore. Look like he'll be come an actor."

Like...man, you made that up. You're sad because of your own thoughts then later on get confused when it isn't what actually happened.

This man is such a pathetic guy, I love him.

3. Song analysis:

Well well well, isn't it time *look at my watch*

Even though analysis 1 song would be great, I do, however, want to put 2 solo songs into this analysis then one.

Of course, we'll go slow and analyze one at a time, yet I can't stop but put both songs in one post because, in that way, we can see how both have changed, develop though still full of flaws, they have become something beautiful and will continues to grow.

Let's start with - SHINING STAR:

"A twinkling trace of a dream from beyond the horizon."

"Even though I understand...that it might just be an illusion"

Firstly, the name of this first solo is "SHINING STAR". It both mentions Wataru ( of course! ) and Eichi being the star.

But the two are described differently.

In these lines, mentions the appearance of an unknown shining star from beyond the horizon, a faraway star that shines bright.

But the more Eichi looked, as he thought it was all just a dream, an unreal feeling of this star that shine far in the sky. Because it was so beautiful, but how did he be able to find it here? Was it all way that close or was it all his imagination?

"Today with you, I continue to chasing it."

I said it already but let's say it again!

This man you're looking at is once a suicidal freak!!!

So gained enough confidence to live up to a "Today with you" is one thing, and actually find meaning in life "continue to chasing it" is another.

Because when you're in a state of depression, to once again find the meaning it life is HARD. When everything is already at its limit. When you can't feel anything anymore

Nothing but an empty soul, it hard. That is why depressing people don't do many things or everything at the same time. They try to find a way to continue living or decide to give up on everything.

Losing motive.

Yet Eichi was able to wake up and try to run away from this death of him. He might die from trying too hard, but he made the decision. To continue.

And who gave him the courage for this? Wataru! That is why, it was a "Today with you". Because Eichi still wants to see Wataru's show and witness the beauty of this magician.

I can't die yet! That's why he continues to fight. For everyone, for himself, but right at this moment, when the solo was released, at this moment, to him, Wataru was the first reason for he to continue.

As he's love for idols, pulls him back to life.

"Beautiful things are so fragile and ephemeral" "Permeating through your eyes, I reach out" "Oh, SHINING STAR"

Guys, I'll count from 1 to 3, guess who Eichi was singing about.

1, 2, 3!

Surprise no surprise! It was Wataru.

The shining star he mentions in some of the first lines, as it was far away but Eichi isn't that hopeless of a boy anymore, he shows signs of trying "I reach out".

He wants to be admitted and to be seen in his beloved idol's eyes. He wanted Wataru to see him and caught Wataru's attention.

Even if Wataru is already there for him, Eichi himself thinks otherwise, that he still has a long way to go. He can't just be at the winning spot without paying any price.

And for that, he was scared that he might hurt him. Like the things he did to Wataru friend, the Eccentric and the old Fine.

He was so scared of this beauty now coming so close to him "Beautiful things" he called it, the feeling he had when he was with Wataru, with the things he love yet never had a change to tough it is "fragile", this relationship can be broke if Wataru don't want to be with him anymore.

But, was Wataru's purpose for being here in was because of him or because Wataru wanted something from him.

He feels like the relationship they have is "ephemeral"

( if you are questioning: Ephemeral means lasting for a very short time )

"Underneath this starry sky" "An unknown neverending path continues"

My man is confusing

This depressing guy just recovered from his wound and was still a little confused over the new future he's facing ahead.

It's an unknown path, may be perilous, may be terrifying but he made his decision, he'll go on, he'll continue.

He knows that it will be uneasy. For he who thought that the next thing he'll be on is his deathbed, never knew someone would have the time and strength to take his hand and pull him out of that destiny deathbed.

His future was switched, and now he had to face a new unknown path that he knew nothing about.

"And for your sake" "I'll keep on shining"

"I'll be "SHINING STAR"."

And for the clown who needs a villain to lead his way, Eichi will continue to live until Wataru no longer wants him.

He wants to, no, he is a star, an unknown star that yet to be discovered. And after Wataru point it out for him, he understand that he is also some where far yet close to Wataru spot.

So, to catch that shining star attention, he'll have to be shining too!

Thought Eichi didn't seen to realize what it takes to become a real idol. His love for idols is endless and so does he's wish for a brighter future with Wataru.

And with that, for Wataru's sake, he keeps on living, shining bright as a star.

"Hiding your sorrow behind a smile" "You understand the pain of resistance" "A lifeless flower is blooming in the plains" "Such things make this world beautiful"

I will kill just to legally continue calling out these lyrics that Eichi sings about, all pointing to Wataru.

If you thought, yeh, Wataru can't be sad, he always looks happy. Then, my dear reader, you are wrong. Wataru can be blue sometimes, but it's hard to know since he just kept on smiling.

You can rarely find a moment where he puts down his mask, but it doesn't mean zero.

In Phantom Thieves and Detectives, after Knight and Ra*bit show, Wataru appears in the dark. But he seems...tired and doesn't really care to put on the face of a clown anymore.

This is not often, but there is also the time when Wataru points out other characters about the fact that they're wearing a mask too.

The reason Eichi can sing these lines is because he notices, he watches Wataru closely, for a long time, to the point he starts to realize that his beloved idols also have their flaws.

Since 2 lines are already about Wataru, so is the third!

The flower is Wataru, but instead of blooming anywhere else, he blooms "in the plains".

A primarily treeless place. In that way, it was easy to spot the flowers.

Standing on the bright stage, all along. The soulless flower bloom. It was beautiful, but the more you look, you'll find out, that this beauty is an empty one, it was a host but without a soul.

"Without hurting anyone, no dream can come true" "Without getting hurt, there's no way forward either"

"Oh, SHINING STAR"

Oh, I don't know, maybe in his household, he was being taught that you'll have to fight to win things over. Since he's a heir of a big rich household, of course, he gets the education to become one.

In this brutal world of humanity, to Eichi, the way he can win is through competition, fighting and sometimes you'll have to be tricky and stop playing nice when it doesn't seem to work.

He could have found a better way to make the school turn from bad to good, but it is not possible to win over such things without bloodshed.

With that in mind, turning the table by starting a war, and such education had already eaten into his brain from youth.

So in his way of seeing things, there are no dream if you don't stand up for a fight. If not pulling people down to get the first place in line, how can you do it? Nicely ask them to? Will they simply say yes or kick you down to the ground.

If you don't get hurt, you can't learn from it. And at the end of the day, you'll achieve nothing.

"As unbalanced as we are" "If we have different strides, let's join hands"

This part, this dam part *cry*

Wataru is a different star, and Eichi is a different star, yet Eichi is trying to reach out to him.

Silly science time! Did you know that two stars are really really far away from each other? Yes, the Sun is a star, but Earth, Mars, and others are planets, not stars.

Two stars can't be too close together.

The average distance between two stars in the Milky Way is around 5 light-years, or 29 trillion miles (47 trillion kilometers)

And even though all those constellations seem to a "standing close with other stars" and got connected into a line, they're in fact not, one might be far away from the other, yet they're all too far for our human eyes to know the difference.

Also, if you're wondering about the fact that two stars stand next to each other, they can but...they simply will pull themself close to the other and then go boom like a two-side car crash ( with both drivers being drunk a*s f*ck since they just get out from their daily local bar )

( it feels like that one time when I analyzed a Valkyrie song then ended up putting an whole a*s poem in it )

Yet, Eichi wants to get to Wataru, "Let's join hands", so we don't lose each other, so you would go too far away from me.

"The path ahead of you" "I shall light it up" "I'm your "SHINING STAR"."

Guy, no word needs to be said, you simply read and understand...

AAAAA, fine! I will *continue to cry my eyes out*, Eichi wants to light Wataru road ahead.

To Wataru, the little actor, the little clown. Eichi is out there, writing the script for him. Wataru want Eichi too, as at first he was unsure, but now? He wants to lead the way, he wants a future with Wataru.

So he'll light the way, he'll become Wataru's "Shining star".

"If you were to lose your way, I would certainly guide you back"

Like a lost ship in the sea, Eichi will be his lighthouse, leading Wataru back to land.

"You just need to believe me, and take a step forward"

I love you as my beloved idol, I love to show you're talent to the world out there, and let them know how beautiful you are. So please put your trust in me.

"Oh, SHINING STAR" "Our world is such a cold, yet kind place, continuing to revolve" "So in oder to arrive at a new tomorrow"

Eichi is still insecure about life, he had been taught that he'll have to stand up for himself. He had been taught that this place was cold and lonely.

Yet he was able to find love. Eichi was not so sure if that love would stay for long, but it did change him.

The world that he thought was a cold and terrible place was actually warm and full of joy.

He's not so sure to accept this love, despite that, he wants it to stay for as long as it can. Because of it, he was able to continue to live on, and arrive at the moment when he thought he was already dead by that time.

The lyrics repeat themselves, showing Eichi's determent to become a shining star, as bright as Wataru, so he can stay next to him.

"Oh, SHINING STAR" "Underneath this starry sky" "An unknown, neverending path continues" "And for your sake" "I'll keep on shining" "I'll be "SHINING STAR"."

AND NOW, Welcome our next Eichi's solo:

Crystal Pleasure !!!

Before we get into the analysis, I just want you to know. SHINING STAR had a soft and chill beat, it was slow and calm but also sad and a little misery once you read through the lyrics.

BUT HIS SECOND SOLO? Crystal Pleasure?

It had a jazz-like 90s vibe and such a happy beat! It shows his change, that he is no longer fighting for his life but actually filled with joy with the new and warm future where the path is now clear to him.

"Crystal Pleasure, let's burn some Crystal Pleasure into those eyes" "Crystal Pleasure, there's so many Crystal Pleasure, over and over again."

The beginning was POP!

Anyway, the first song was about shining stars, and this time, it Crystal.

Both are kira kira but one is up in the sky and one is down to the ground.

I got a little confused but I guess I'll use both meanings. Crystal doesn't just mean a type of gem or quartz, it too means glass, depending on the way you use it.

It is a "crystal quartz" but it can also be a "crystal clear glass".

If we're talking about the crystal gems that is, then the meaning is quite clean, since crystal is being used in decorating important places and objects.

To make something beautiful is to decorate it with shining gems.

The meaning/symbolization of those shining crystals is "transcendence and the light of the heaven". Yes, all over Eichi and Fine theme isn't it.

Now, I won't let you wait any longer, let's get into the song, shall we:

"The world is flooding with entertainment (competing for stardom)" "And as they compete, they become more and more extreme, wanting to be chosen" "Even so, those pure eyes remain as they seek" And all the white and black that I emit to be stared at dazzlingly"

It was not just about the idol industry, Eichi was trying to tell a story here.

That "they" was someone. Guess who? Wataru Hibiki!

The lines: "As they compete, they become more and more extreme" really stick out to me.

A silly jester, a genius, who wanted to learn from trick to trick and he was able to learn them quickly given that he was a kind of genius. An Eccentric member.

He is an actor, standing on stage, waiting for a director to choose him, to write him a script.

Eichi could feel the eyes of Wataru, which seek for a screenwriter, to write Wataru a brand new story, a brand new world.

Eichi then accepted Wataru's invitation and decided to be the one to give him his new plays. A new role, a new life, a new love.

"Let's take my hand because it's a miracle that I was able to meet you in the brightness" "And I hope to repose to that miracle of meeting you with my whole life ahead of me"

After all that time, after a suicide state of him, being saved by Wataru was like a gift from god. He knew that he had such a love for idols, that love almost died down, being forgotten but then Wataru came, reminding Eichi about why he was here in the first place.

"Meet you in the brightness" is like an angel, visiting Eichi by the window. The light from the window makes Wataru look bright, like the angel he is to Eichi.

Moreover, this line has some resemblance to the symbolization of crystal, remember it? It's "Transcendence and the light of the heaven" .

( What's that? Sound like the tiled of this song is already about Wataru? The whole song is! What can I say more than the homies are at it again!!!)

Wataru was his savior, and Eichi hoped that he could repay this gratefulness to him.

Here, it may be minor but it was a welcoming change! Knowing Eichi, he would likely try to repay Wataru with lots of stuff. His ways of love are to buy people things and make a big event just for something so small yet it was precious to him, so it was worth it.

Did I mention the fact that Eichi bought a WHOLD AS* pyramid for him just because Wataru joke? Yeh...I'm not lying.

But in this line: "hope to repose - with my whole life ahead of me"

It changes, somethings change. Staying with Wataru for long enough, his view of looking changes. Now, instead of buying him something, Eichi uses his life and quality time as a gift to Wataru.

Eichi "Buying things for you is want I want to, but then again, maybe, spending some time with you is the real meaningful gift" Tenshouin.

Also, a small detail but the "Let's take my hand" part, did you know that in Tempest, this adorable little detail takes place:

"I want to connect all the sparkling moments and make you happy" "Ah, as long as I am allowed to live, let me give you happy dreams"

The first line is when Eichi wants to give Wataru happiness, but the second? A little happy mix with sad.

"As long as I am allowed to live"

Eichi mentions his sickness, will the sickness kill him first or will he overcome it. He doesn't know, but as long as he's healthy, when he's still here, he'll do everything to make Wataru happy.

The times may run out, but before I die, giving you happiness is the thing that will satisfy my near-death soul.

To fulfill Wataru's dream is the first thing to do on his little bucket list.

"I think I know how to charm you ( this unyielding stardom )" "So if there's something I can do here, I vow to protect it"

Bit confused, but I read it ten times over and understood that Eichi finally accepted Wataru's love, he vowed to protect it, the love and hope that bloomed from this new relationship.

"Now, I want you to look forward to it, and determine the value with your eyes" "This dream, love, and freedom that I draw now became strong and full of color"

I would like to have a call back to another line in this song, it was "all the white and black that I emit" given that these lyrics are talking about the freedom of Eichi's soul.

From a soulless human with just black and white, now his world is "full of color", filled with love and hope, this dream that seems to be lost has come back to life.

"Let's visit you into the brilliance, towards the tomorrow you desire" "Let's be a little greedy, there's no need to hold back"

Eichi will give Wataru the stage to shine, into the world of light that Wataru wants.

This dream was never about Eichi, and that's what makes it about him.

Since the day Wataru saved him, his love of idols has once again come back to life. Being able to make Wataru's dream come true was Eichi's desire all along.

He views that his wish is a bit too greedy, knowing that it will take a tedious process, but he won't stop, he has been in the darkness for too long. Now he wishes to see the light and get used to it so it won't blind him.

The wish to see Wataru shining like a star with his own two eyes. So Wataru, please don't hesitate, though I'm quite the greedy, I hope you'll be happy to see me, staying here with you, your happiness is my light.

"Connecting the precious time, we are the protagonists on this stage" "While blessed by countless stars, let us sing our never-ending dreams"

So some of you may not know about this but, interesting information: Both Eichi and Wataru, one ( or 99 times more ) admit that they're the villain of the stage.

Yes! BOTH.

Eichi was in pain and after the war, he admitted all the faults he had and told himself that he was the evil villain of the show, even long after the war ended, he still thought it that way.

Wataru is a bit different, the exact time was never mentioned, but clues are all over the place. Wataru admitted to Tomoya that he usually plays the role of villain. And, it made sense since Wataru passed constraint to him being asked to play tricks, he likes to do tricks and magic, but the people, they always ask for more.

Wataru was scared, but he continued anyway, he continued to learn new tricks, but that was not enough

He didn't go mad and start taking the role of a villain though, it was never clarified. But I don't think that was the case, not at all.

Wataru was more likely to take the role of villain because he wanted to step back and out of the light of the stage. Of course, he is still there, but not in a heroic way anymore. He didn't mean to but he wished people to look away from him more often than before, though, in the end, it was quite the opposite, he made friends and lots of people admitted him.

Even Wataru never expect this to happen. In the "Phantom Thieves VS Detectives" story, Epilogue 3, he said this: "But believe it or not, the amount of friends and acquaintances I've made since entering Yumenosaki Academy have surprisingly increased in size."

They're both villain in their own story, but later on, after many hardships and challenges, they learn and understand.

The two are no longer the villains but the protagonist, the protagonist of a story where they get to stand together on the stage.

And with the Fine now, they'll stand together, with Tori and Yuzuru, sing the never-ending symphony of their dreams.

Here comes, my favorite:

"Determination alone is futile, but you are there, the one who saved me is you" "Because your passionate gaze gives me the meaning of life"

Eichi literally went: "Only by trying is not enough, if not for you who had saved me from the darkness, I would've been gone." to Wataru.

Also about how Wataru gives him the biggest motivation to keep living and doesn't "kick the bucket" due to sickness or several suicidal attempts.

And, it ends with other lines got repeated:

"Let's take my hand because it's a miracle that I was able to meet you in the brightness" "And I hope to repose to that miracle of meeting you with my whole life ahead of me" "I want to connect all the sparkling moments and make you happy" "Ah, as long as I am allowed to live, let me give you happy dreams forever"

"Crystal Pleasure, let's burn some Crystal Pleasure into those eyes" "Crystal Pleasure, there's so many Crystal Pleasure, over and over again."

Alright, this is the end of part 1, Eichi's solo song. We'll now move to part 2, which I'll make in another post.

So I want you to know that I wrote this with all my heart that I pulled out of my chest. I love them from the bottom heart of my.

I don't need you to forgive Eichi or forget what he did in the past, this whole analysis was not made for that purpose, I just need you to understand that he did, in fact, lots of bad things in the past and he got his punish, it a punish to live on, to learn and suffer with the future. But Wataru was there, helping him out, so he's not that scare anymore.

If anyone ask me to tell them they're homo but without telling them they're homo, I'll show them this long a*s paragraph ( I'm so proud of myself for writing this but also asking myself that I should be out there making money instead...but I'm feeling great after written this so...maybe it not that bad )

THANK YOU FOR READING!

Part 2 will be coming out soon? I mean, I'll put the link in if I finish it...hopefully...

[maymeowmoo]

New episode of Smg4?!?!?!? Well I'm inna writing mood soooooo.... Imma review/analysis and share my thoughts on the new episode >:) ["SMG4:SMG3's BOMB CAFE"] If you're bored feel free to read this overly detailed analysis of a 12:01 minute video! (Actually ~10:30ish)

Analyzing time! ^w^/

Smg3 being so happy abt his lil cafe is very cute. I did not expect Smg4 to be so goddam sassy in this episode but I like that they didn't get rid of their rivalry completely since u know, after so many years it would be odd for it to just disappear even if they have recently been bonding so much u<u

Still I couldn't help but feel a bit odd? Like idk if Four just desperately wanted Three to ask him for help w the coffee or what but DANG was he super into making Smg3's life harder. At 4:49 Smg4 basically goes screw it lets make Three more miserable and invites everyone. Like let bro learn overtime we don't need a Kirby Lunch Rush but with Smg3! Also Four's expressions? Dude is being SILLY on purpose u_u He continues his nuisance charade with 6:22 ("How can you not even have the unicorn frappucino?"). Like dang bro how abt u calm ur sass down and stop provoking Three even more? He does get a clear indication of Smg3's annoyance (8:51-8:52 Smg3 says "Shut up." to Four also stopping him from making another sassy remark) yet still continues. At 9:14 (Smg4:"So you admit you can't run a shop yet?") Four gives his snarky comment and all I can think of is how he intentionally made it harder for Three to run the dang shop. [Note: Tbh even someone who owned a shop would have a hard time with Smg4's Crew lets be fr.] Just like I said at the beginning of this paragraph I am starting to really believe Four wanted to be involved with Three somehow and the only way he knew how is by forcing conflict.

Characterization wise what surprised me is how even after two instances of Three yelling for the others to stop fighting they still continue on. Idk I just feel like they would've listened tbh. They were very... hyperactive I guess? The characters do act kinda like they should but it still felt odd to me for some reason. Eggdog as always has the best characterization tho, man do I like that silly egg thing. Anywho this wasn't the only thing that felt odd continuity wise. I would've thought Smg3 learnt to make proper coffee before he started up a cafe? Especially since he literally lived in a STARBUCKS??? Like I just think he would've idk tried making coffee before opening a cafe even if he didn't make any during his time in the Internet Graveyard. I did make up two explanations for this tho! One is that the dead memes (Specifically the funny lil knuckles) made the coffee during his time in the Internet Graveyard and the other is that he was just too anxiety/adrenaline ridden to make proper coffee. At the end of the day these things aren't huge issues for me but as I said before it did make me feel odd.

Smg4 getting called out for his sass was necessary for me to like this video so imma glad it happened and he doesn't just get away with his behavior. At 9:23 the realization of his silly shenanigans finally catch up to him and that means..... THE SMG34 PART OF THE EPISODE STARTS YEEHAW! Even though Smg4's and 3's confrontation felt just the tiny bit forced to me (probably Four's fault) it was so nice to see them being softer. I also really like how Three doesn't agree to Four's proposal without making some convoluted reasoning as to why this isn't just two pals helping each other out and is actually TOTALLY just a transactional thing. It feels really in character! Oh yeah since I need to put this somewhere at 9:47 Four is like "I want to help" and like... you made it harder and now you want to help? Better now then never tbh ^w^/

Jokes -> The joke at 2:27-2:34 made me chuckle ._. and that makes me somewhat disappointed in myself (You want it? Issa urs my friend is so real). 3:00 is also a joke I liked, it felt very relatable (I struggle with basic human stuff like buttons on a coffee machine also u_u aww man). 3:28-3:32 Decent joke! 4:12 having a Gmod Three bang the coffee machine was good but the sudden Pomni/Smg4 reaction wasn't for me :v (It is good for Au art tho, I've seen the Smg4 as Pomni art hehe ;P ). 5:55-6:05 Nice joke ^v^/ (Smg3 writing '1 jar of poison for Mario' was the cherry on top tbh). 6:29-6:35 just like the joke at three minutes the whole 'operating a coffee machine being like dark magic' is still funny to me. 7:35-7:38 7:45-7:46 the music that plays when the rainbow (acid) coffee is shown is cool. 8:34-8:49 The whole Tari going coo coo joke is honestly pretty unfunny ._. I did not like it :v. 10:44-10:45 'Cleaned up everything!' is such a funny pop up to put here. Joke APPROVED!

Joke wise I think this episode is actually quite solid. The one joke I really didn't like kinda puts it down but ignoring that issa cool ig :D (6,8/10)

Closing statement -> Dude Four on roller skates working at a cafe for Three? THIS IS JUST A FANFIC AT THIS POINT... and I am all for it ;D

[Note: I have no idea why I wrote this but I felt like it sooooo... YEAH! >:3 If you have any thoughts abt this ep I'd love to hear em ;o]

[the-fiction-witch]

Rebel

Media Star Wars The Force Awakens

Character Petty Officer Thanisson

Couple Thanisson X Reader (Rebel)

Rating SMUT AF!

Concept Forced recruitment

Smut prison guard x prisoner / semi nonconsentual / grinding/ humping / nudity/ clothes ripping/ 'good boy' / 'cutie' / cockwarming/ breast play / raw sex / suggestive speech / edging / reverse cowgirl /

I sighed as I stood on the finalizer's shiny floors outside the prison cell, this is not my job! why am I doing it! I am a goddam petty officer why am I on bloody guard duty! probably because that last attack took out half the stormtroopers and this prisoner had a reputation or so I had heard we had lost many guards because of escape attempts so at this point they just throwing anyone to guard the door regardless of rank just because we don't have anyone else. It was just me standing in the dark boring corridor given the officer who was meant to be helping me got shot yesterday by a malfunctioning blaster. 

I saw a trooper approach and it was about prisoner dinner time and he even had the tray in hand I was going to let him in but he stopped and offered me the tray, Oh hell no! This is not my job! 

"No"

"That's an order," he says 

"I'm a petty officer I don't get my orders from you"

"Higher up says so now take it"

"No. it's not my job to deliver food."

"Look man, do whatever but I'm not going in there with her again"

"Why not?"

"She nearly cut my fucking dick off man."

"Ohh so my dick is expendable"

"Not like you use it thanisson" He says "I'm not going in there with her so you figure it out" he says handing me the food tray and heading off back down the corridor 

"dick" I sighed I opened the door scanning my hand and headed inside the door shut behind me and I scanned my hand again to open the second door revealing the small black prison cell with a red bed and chair. The prisoner was some rebel girl I don't know who she was, but she lay on the bed facing away from me in the usual prisoner red jumpsuit but this one was uhhh... I think a little too small for her because whoa, I could see her every curve and fuck that ass looked good. But I shook my head out of it, focus! unless you want you're dick nearly cut off. I headed inside the room and set the food tray on the table beside the small chair "Dinner Prisoner" I said but no response "I said dinner" Still nothing so I moved a little closer "Hello?" I asked at this point almost leaning over her bed 

"Ummmm" she moans turning over a little to lay on her back with her knee up, her long braid sprawled on the pillow her chest almost popping out the jumpsuit's zip 

"Uh" I tried to speak but nothing arrived "Dinner" I said again which caused her eyes to flick open and she tried to kick me in the gut but luckily I moved back just in time, she tried to bolt but luckily I grabbed her wrist and forced her against the wall with all my strength pinning her there, holding her wrists above her head

"Ughh! Let me go!"

"You think I'm stupid! after what you just did to me"

"I didn't mean to"

"Didn't mean to? you think I'm dumb don't you!"

"I didn't know it was you, I thought it was that fucking bastard General back again"

"General Hux?"

"yeah that ginger dick"

"Well, why would you be trying to escape if it was him?"

"I wasn't trying to escape you dumb ass, I was trying to get him away from me. the bastard keeps coming in here and putting his hands where they don't belong"

"Ahh... I see" I nodded I didn't want to say anything to her but yeah General Hux did have a habit of getting 'handsy' with the female prisoners I wouldn't be surprised if he picked out that jumpsuit for her on purpose for exactly that reason "So you won't try and bolt if I let you go?"

"no"

"You swear?"

"I swear"

"Alright" I nodded letting her go "Dinner"

"Thanks" she sighed heading over and starting to pick at it 

"You don't... seem all that dangerous."

"Thanks," she says 

"I mean, having heard you've gone through so many guards kinda thought you'd be a lot scarier"

"I wouldn't have hurt any of the guards they kept their hands to themselves"

"That's fair" I nodded "What about the stormtrooper he said you nearly cut his dick off?"

"What was he doing with his dick out around me?"

"Fair enough" I nodded "So you're not dangerous?"

"I doubt it, not even meant to be locked up in here I'm innocent"

"That's what they all say"

"I'm not a rebel. I'm a cargo haulier,"

"You were caught with a whole ship of rebel tech"

"Yeah, Hauling it. I didn't know what was in the boxes, I didn't ask, they didn't tell me. picked it up from some guy in Mere's port and paid me to take it to New Loslin."

"You didn't question it?"

"Why would I? People ship a lot of weird shit." 

"why haven't you just explained that?"

"You think you're bosses give a shit what I have to say? Especially when they all seemed to be like Lismen's in heat around here" She explained 

I did feel bad, this wouldn't be the first time stuff like this happens normal people have a habit of ending up in the first-order crossfire. Soon enough she finished eating and handed back the tray to me 

"Thanks,"

"No problem,"

"Hey, you gonna be on guard all night?" she asks going to sit on her bed 

"Yeah, rest of the night"

"Well, if you get bored out there and fancy a conversation, Just a conversation mind you. not like I'm going anywhere" she says 

"I'll think about it, uhh?"

"Y/n"

"Thanisson" I smiled before I scanned the door it opened up and I stepped in she didn't try to come at the door she even gave me a little wave as the door closed, once it was locked I scanned my hand again and headed out letting it close up behind me I sent the tray back to the kitchens and returned to just standing guard.

 I stood for a couple of hours before I was beyond bored out of my mind so I scanned my hand and headed inside when the second door opened she seemed surprised to see me 

"Ohh Hello there" she smiled

"Hi, I'm not disturbing am I?"

"Uhhh no I'm not busy she joked"

"You don't mind? it's insanely boring out there"

"Sure, just to warn you it's equally boring in here," she says 

"At least it's someone to talk to" I shrug going and sitting on the chair we chatted about little things for a while and honestly it was nice she laid on her bed dangling her head off the end I did my best not to look too much as the small zip was pretty much the only thing allowing her tits to defy gravity 

"You know, you're kinda cute for a first-order boy"

"I-I am?"

"Ummm" she nods 

"Uhh thanks, you're pretty cute too"

"Yeah the jumpsuit helps I think"

"I mean I wasn't gonna say it but-"

"But yeah?"

"But yeah... Sorry, kinda been away a long time"

"it's fine, I'm sure you miss your pretty girl back home"

"Ohh I don't have one, The first order doesn't like us having people waiting on us it's kinda shit but what can you do" 

"You can leave?"

"It's not that easy" 

"I don't know seems it" she shrugs "Don't agree with it just leave what are they gonna do?"

"Hunt me down and torture me" 

"Cunts" she sighed "So? how long have you been stuck on here?"

"Six years"

"Awww you poor thing, and no... pretty ladies in that time?" she asked sitting up on her bed 

"No, first-order regulations."

"Awwww no wonder you guys have been going crazy" she says getting up and resting her hands on her hips "You know, I wouldn't mind helping you out" she smiled coming over

"wha- what!"

"I wouldn't mind, you're cute" she smiled running her finger suggestively down my pants 

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh" was all that arrived at my mouth which made him giggle before she climbed onto my lap wrapping her legs around the chair sitting perfectly over my belt pressing her chest to mine and giving her tight jumpsuit and my cheap uniform... there wasn't much between us 

"Wouldn't that be nice Thanisson?" she cooed fixing my hair for me 

"uhhh yeah that uhh that would be nice" I blushed 

This is definitely not my job but I am not telling her no! 

she chuckled "You're so sweet" she cooes wrapping my arms around her and letting me sit my hands on her ass grinding herself against me and pushing her tits against me 

"Ughhhhh!" I groaned in shock from the overwhelming pleasure 

"Humm such a little cutie" she giggled kissing my neck 

"Ummm" I groaned relaxing into her sweet kisses 

"And stupid" she smirked 

"wha-" I began but I felt the cold of her knife from dinner against my neck 

"And utterly gullible" 

"Oh shit"

"Yeah, oh shit."

"You are a dangerous rebel girl aren't you?"

"Yeah" she nods 

"Oh damn it"

"Ohh hello Thanisson" she smirked "You guys really are repressed aren't you?"

"You sat on my lap! kissed my neck and called me cutie what did you expect!" 

"To not be impaled in five seconds" she laughs "Now be a good boy and unlock the door"

I knew I didn't have a choice so she forced us to stand and stood at my side knife to my neck I scanned the door it opened and we moved inside 

"what are you going to do to me?" I asked as it locked 

"Nothing providing you keep quiet" she warns 

I unlocked the next door and we headed out down the corridor she kept the knife close to my skin 

"docking bay 4. Lead the way Cutie" she smiled 

"Your ship won't be there, they'll have it down in impound by now"

"Fine, then take me to the nearest place I can get a ship" 

"Fine. But I don't know how you think you're gonna get away with this"

"Simple. anyone asks I'm a prisoner you're transporting me"

"That's not my job! I'm a petty officer. You'd at least have a trooper with you"

"Yeah well, short staff."

"No thanks to you"

"Now go" she demanded 

I did as she asked and lead her through the finalizer doing my best to avoid places I knew people corrugated and given how short-staffed we were got all the way to departure bay 2 without even coming across anyone, I hoped someone would see the cameras but she was damn smart as even I know its camera guard change over we'd be lucky to even be noticed 

"You lair" she whispered as she brought me over to a very small ship

"what is this thing?"

"This is the blackbird. My ship"

"You're ship! you said you were a hauler" I said this ship was smaller than even the tie fighters, all-black with a small but powerful landing gear I had seen similar like this used by rebels spy ships designed to sneak in under scans due to their small size and powerful shields and attach on to large ships like barnacles 

"Yeah I lied" she smirked "Now get in"

"I'm not going with you!"

"Yeah well, I don't trust you won't squeal cutie." she smirked "Relax I'll drop you off the first rock I find" she said forcing me inside the ship with her it was tiny some small equipment and one leather seat by the controls she shut the door but kept the knife on me "Now... how are we gonna do this?" she said more to herself she loosened the straps on the seat and forced me to sit there before then sitting on my lap herself this time her back against my chest before I could fight she had locked the straps around us "This is gonna bet bumpy, just shut the hell up and let me drive" she says starting the ship up it was almost silent putting her helmet on in order to actually fly it as there was no flight controls on the window meaning her visor of her helmet had to have them by now we had attached some attention but she tiny ship shot off like a bullet before anyone could do much of anything 

"You can't just expect me to sit here and let you kidnap me!" 

"Why not you seemed to be enjoying it" she laughs 

"I'll send a distress signal!" I said trying to touch the controls but she pushed me back mostly using her hips 

"Don't. touch. My. ship." she warns 

"Make me" I told her trying to undo the straps, press buttons, do anything I could to cause her as many problems as possible until she grabbed my hands 

"STOP!" she demanded "I think I've been really nice to you so far I could have cut you're throat when I got to my ship, I could have cut off your hand in my cell, I'm letting you live and when I get back to base you can fuck off wherever you want. but if you keep doing this I will not hesitate to kick you out the fucking airlock thanisson" 

"I don't want go to some stupid rebel base"

"You've been complaining all day about the first order,"

"So!"

"So maybe try the other side for a bit maybe get a taste of freedom once in your life"

"No!" I pouted again trying to argue with her 

"Ughhhh! sit still!" She demanded

"I'll sit still when you turn us around and go back to the finalizer," I told her doing my best to be annoying 

"Ughhhh! Why don't I have anything in here to restain hands" she complained but she grabbed my hands and put them on her tits which I admit did stop me for a moment given she's sat on my lap with my erection between her ass and now my hands fully on her tits with only the jumpsuit between us "There happy now? if I let you keep your hands there will you shut the hell up?"

"I uhh I uhhh" I began trying to argue with her but my brain kinda turned to mush gently squeezing and rubbing a little feeling the weight of them in my hands gently fondling as she flew, ummmm boobs- No come on brain think for god sake! I know you're horny but we're being kidnapped! "No!" I argued moving my hands away "I cannot be distracted so easily!"

"Really because that was a good twenty minutes since you said anything"

"Twenty- oh my god what is wrong with me" 

"You're repressed thanisson. This happens to a lot of first-order boys you've been brainwashed to be soldiers you're whole life the first time you get a flash of skin it breaks your brain, relax rebels don't give a shit where you stick your dick. Go crazy"

"How do I know the rebels won't imprison me when we get to you're base?"

"Ohh they will, if you're being a dick about it. If you come willingly you'll be accepted with open arms especially if you have any intel" 

"So you'll use me"

"if that's how you wanna think about it" she says 

"Turn us around!" I complained kicking and trying to cause problems for her 

"My god you're like a freaking toddler!" 

"Turn us around and I might allow them to keep you alive"

"shut up and I might allow them to keep you alive. Hell I'll kill you if you don't shut the hell up"

"You can't silence me!" 

"Can't I?" she smirked as she set the ship up clearly to work mostly on its own and removed her helmet, she grabbed the fabric of my trousers hard so much so that as she ganked she ripped my uniform "Cheap ass first order?" she says "Whoa... Hi Thanisson" she giggled rubbing herself on my now exposed erection 

"I'm not going to be so easily manipu-" I began but she sat up a little and managed to rip her cheap jumpsuit at the crotch enough to expose her and as she sat back down she let me slip inside her "Oh holy- fuck"

"There, now you going to be a good little passenger thanisson?" she cooed gently moving her hips to ride me 

"Ughhhhhh ughhhh uuhhh" I moaned uncontrollably 

"I take that as a yes" she giggled "Now if you behave for me, I'll let my cutie cock warm me all the way to the base okay?" she cooes moving her hand back to stroke my hair 

"I uhhhh I ughhhh...okay" I nodded 

"Good" she smiled getting her helmet back on and continuing with things, she barely moved but she didn't need to just the feeling of sitting inside her feeling myself throb and feeling her tighten and wetten around me for a very long time so much so even just the little bounces and shifts she did was enough to almost make me cum,  I know I didn't exactly like being kidnapped by a rebel and being taken to a rebel base and all the madness that had happened over the last twenty-four hours but... she was breaking me, I think that was some of her intention not only to keep me quiet but to slowly manipulate me into melting for her which I was really struggling not to do! but so little of me had resistance against her now, maybe this is Stockholm syndrome? Ummm I don't care any girl that'll let me literally cock warm inside her for over two hours can't be all that bad can she? or if she is... I don't care! 

"Y/n?" I cooed nuzzling with her neck

"Yes?"

"could I uhh? please?" I whined moving my hands in front of her chest 

"Will it keep you quiet?"

"Yes. I promise"

"Will you behave?"

"I will I promise"

"Alright then" she says 

I immediately took her tits back in my hands lost in my own world of slow and sensual pleasure having her ass against me, her tits in my hands and being inside her even if I was desperate for more but I milked it as long as I could enjoying us like this for another hour before I spoke up "Y/n?" I asked as sweetly as I could, rubbing my nose on her neck a little 

"Umm yes thanisson?" she laughs 

"I'll be extra good if maybe you bounced a little?"

"Would you now? would you give me some nice first-order secrets if I was to bounce?"

"Maybe"

"Alright" she cooes gently moving on me 

"Ughhhh uuhhhhh!" I moaned trying desperately to thrust up 

"ah ah ah" she warns pushing her ass against me hard "Not too egar cutie"

"Uhhh y/n please, I'll behave I promise, I'll tell you anything you wanna know just - just let me cum"

"Too late" she smirked slipping off her helmet and I noticed we had landed- 

Oh. Guess I wasn't really paying attention she unstrapped us both and grabbed a different jumpsuit from a box behind us quickly changing which honestly almost made me cum just seeing a quick flash of her naked 

"Here" she says throwing me one too 

"Wait- you could have changed at any point on this journey?"

"Complaining?" she asks zipping hers up

"No" I sighed changing myself 

"Now, you can scamper off and find you're way back to the finalizer, or... my little cutie can stay here with me and help out the resistance?" she cooes wrapping her arms around my neck

"If I stay will we-"

"Yes, I'm more than happy to continue our snuggles thanisson if you stay."

"Well... I don't know the first order is my whole life"

"You can stay in my tent" she cooes kissing down my neck 

"for tonight?"

"for forever cutie" she cooes 

"Uhhhh ummmm tempting"

"Humm if you come with me and let us have you're first order intel I'll give you a very special reward when we get back to my tent?" she suggested rubbing her nose on mine 

"Yeah? what kinda reward? because my intel is very valuable I'm sure its a high market value to you rebel-" I began but she moved to her knees and licked my shaft through the jumpsuit while never breaking eye contact with me "uhhh yeah that'll do"

"umm good boy" she cooes grabbing my hand and basically dragging me out with her 

[vaicomcas]

Algorithm for Character Assassination

Castiel's 10-year-long character assassination has got to be the longest and most gruesome in television's history.

I always complained about the writers stripping Castiel of everything, but I sort of assumed it happened organically because they fundamentally didn't value this characte. But now I am seeing that it looks very much like a conscious, long term design, which goes like this:

some kind of "bad" or "foolish" action (his "screw-up") --consequences or "crimes" that destroy him with guilt--physical and mental trauma--blows to his self-esteem--leading to some more of "screw up" -- even worse consequences--rinse and repeat.

I don't know if that's their idea of character growth, but it was such a one-way street down an abyss, that his character just got carved up piece by piece, until, I have to admit, late stage Castiel (S13 and S14 especially) was a shadow of himself, no conviction, no power, no spark, he didn't even have any coherent storylines, just random plot-assisting cameos really. (With a couple--far too few-- dadstiel scenes being slight exceptions)

Below the cut is a color-coded recount of this vicious cycle of his character's "arc".

Purple is the "Castiel's screw-up action explained by the piles of prior blows to his self-worth"; blue is the supposed consequence of his actions, aka his "crimes" usually not actually anything he is to blame for; red is physical or mental trauma; orange is blows to his self-esteem from both enemies and friends and most often Dean

Getting exploded without so much as a thank you from those he died for--Bonkers gas-lighting storyline turning his heroics of fighting a civil war to save the world into him being super-villain --getting exploded then losing his mind --being mind controlled into killing his beloved brother or beating up Dean--hunted by angels and demons --getting berated by Dean--falling for Metatron's deceit in desperation --causing all angels to fall and many to die--losing his grace and became homeless and got killed briefly--thrown out and humiliated by Dean -- captured by angels and tortured--trying to rally the angels to return to heaven only to have to chose Dean's life over them and losing his army--dying from stolen grace with nobody caring about it--letting Sam convince him to do whatever it took to save Dean from the Mark --got beaten by Dean to an inch of his life--got turned into Rowena's attack dog and turned to angels to avoid hurting innocents--got tortured and learned angels all hated him-- severe PTSD and depression and berated for letting Metatron go--being told he was expendable and hated by angels and got branded and humiliated by Amara and nobody cared--said yes to Lucifer in order to save the world --tortured by Amara and told by angels he was worse than Lucifer--God his father reconciled with Lucifer in his body without acknowledging him----Lucifer was unable to defeat Amara and his sacrifice was meaningless--failed in a bunch of things --got yelled at by Mary for being useless--failed to kill Dagon--got yelled at by Dean for doing his own thing--regained faith through "meeting" unborn Jack and resolving to raise him away from the Winchesters--gets killed by Lucifer and his child became the Winchesters (victim))

And after that he doesn't get even shitty arcs anymore, they made him full-on plot device.

And green is "the one good thing that should have been a win for him for once in this goddam show but somehow also was portrayed as his screwup and his win was immediately and absolutely nullified ".

I can't ever fault Castiel for anything and that is a character flaw of mine. However, I do sympathize with people who are angry that Castiel lost all his backbone after Season 7, to the point that they don't even like him anymore. I hate that aspect as well but just look at it. In this show, Castiel never stood a chance.

[fluffypotatey]

watching Leverage: episode 2

ok i made myself some pb&js and i am off to ep 2

spoilers, duh

thoughts before i watch:

i feel so conflicted about sophie/nathan and not in the way you think

i feel conflicted as in i don't know if i want to know all the details of their history together

like i love just the added layer that says "these two knew each other and had something in the past but have drifted apart for reasons"

so it's a "tell me!" but also "don't tell me! let them be mysterious about it!"

so will the next episode kick off from the last one? or will it be like a little time skip and some cons later kind of thing?

i'm fine with either because with the time skip, it helps alleviate the stress of building new character dynamics in a way. like, they're still new and some character will clash at first, but it's lessened a little (or not and that will be one of the major conflicts in the episode).

but i also like seeing how they work immediately after, seeing the awkward kind of team up and such. do they hang out after a con? do they live together or is that just the base of operations?

but enough of me talking about that. let's get into it!

le thoughts while i watch:

ok apparently the site i was using crashed so i spent....too long (for my patience) finding another BUT I DID IT

got worried for a second because the first scene was not with our gang and thought i accidentally clicked on an army show

rip the soldiers you seemed like fine dudes, you probably would have joined a frat

right off the bat we have deaths. like i know i said i'd wait but this is episode 2! AND it came out of nowhere!!!!

ooooh we talking about veteran insurance??? and how the govt just sort of drops them if they're disabled???....yeah, this is gonna be heavy

"i'm sorry [talking about how the guy's finacee left him after the incident]" "i'm not mad, it happens" when i tell you my heart BROKE. no! no it shouldn't!!!

also the site..... is buffering on me..... and i WILL commit crimes if i cannot watch this episode

i am glad the doctor is looking after the dude tho, but she's upset that she has to let him down and my HEART

"you know this is a soap commercial right?" god, i love you sophie, make that soap commercial a soap opera

"peggy killed her first husbanD" I LOVE HER

they made their own office goddam

ok so did they just, not talk after the first gig? did they go their separate ways and just hope that one day they'd do another heist again? it seems like nathan and alec kept in touch but what about everyone else????

elliot i want to know your life

how can one know a type pf gun from the sound of its gunshot???

wow, they really just exPOSED lobbyist corruption with the government huh....damn

oh i wanna punch that congressman

so many things happening what is going on???

holy shit whyyyyy were they shooting army men??? they were gonna kill perry in cold blood. puppy eyes perry??? perry who was practicing physical therapy after hours be himself T^T because he knows his days in that hospital is limited???

parker is so cute, sure she's probably committed arson, but that means nothing

alec is the best, i love him, he's my boy

"yeah i hack the camera just give a minute or two--" *elliot just throws a rock* "...or steal my thunder why don't you"

no matter who's together, the ot3's chemistry is *chef's kiss*

parker was just WAITING for an excuse to blow up that door akdjsd i love her AND ALEC'S EXPRESSION I LOVE

ALEC MY BOY

"this is racial isn't it?" i cackled so hard.

man that congressman switched up so fast lmao then got caught

nathan bought a tesla.....i am so sorry all i can think of it present news lmao

it is nice to have a heist show where like....nothing goes wrong

everything that they planned for happens and if there are things that go left, they have a backup for it that they use and it's so.... n i c e and refreshing to watch a show like that

general thoughts:

like, i knew there would be episodes that criticize corporations and there'd be discussion of government corruption but....episode two???? they really aren't pulling any punches

also how they show the struggle a lot of disabled veterans go through because they don't have a funded safety net. like the doctor for perry really wants to help, and you can see that when she lectures nathan about trying to scam perry (he wasn't but from the outside, it's not hard to understand why she thought that). it hurts her to have to try and help these people who just want to get better, but have such limiting resources to the point that she has to turn them away after a couple months.

nathan is very much still a firm believer that this gang of crooks can become a gang of good crooks. and this is really sweet. you can see that they gang still helps him with the heist even if they can't believe that they are good people. but i like the ending for this because they're acknowledging that yeah, it felt great to help return the money to the people who needed it, and maybe they'd like to do this again.

moral of the story: corporations get fucked and i am enjoying it

remember kids, cleaning blood money works better with cold water, not shooting witnesses. that just adds to the dirt.

[baejax-the-great]

We've all had the thought: Oh god, what if my writing is terrible?

Right after posting on AO3, or an hour without a kudos, or a day without a comment, or not a single reblog on tumblr--it's the logical thing to think. "It was terrible, and that's why nobody has reblogged it. Nobody liked it."

And then we take it to the next step. "I wrote something terrible, therefore I am a bad writer. My writing is bad."

And just because the feelings have a logical progression, that doesn't make them true. There are lots of reasons why a fic gets ignored or lost in the shuffle, there are lots of variables that determine popularity and quality is only one of many, but the question I find helps me the most to deal with these feelings is,

What if I'm right?

What if I am a terrible writer? What if the fic I just posted is so goddam awful that not even my friends can think of a nice thing to say about it?

Then what?

Seriously, then what? If I accept that I am a terrible writer, what does that mean for me?

Do I have to quit? Well, no, because sucking at something is a prerequisite to being good at something. If I want to get better, the only option is to keep going. I can see this for myself-- my more recent stories are better than my first stories.

Do I have to pull all my writing down from tumblr and AO3 and wherever else? Well, I can, but there's plenty of bad writing everywhere all the time, even paid, published writing, so no, I don't have to.

Will all my friends lose respect for me because of how terrible my writing is? Idk, probably not. I once made a lasagna with cinnamon in it and my friends still came over for dinner the next time so I think there's a fair amount of tolerance there for me being shitty at things.

Will random strangers see my bad writing and judge me for it? Yes and no. I've seen plenty of bad writing that made me roll my eyes. I couldn't tell you a single username attached to that writing, because I was too busy scrolling for the next thing. Who am I to them? No one. Who are they to me? No one.

I like writing. I enjoy the process. I enjoy yelling with my friends on tumblr and discord about the ideas I have. I enjoy putting words down and rearranging them and finding better words. I enjoy daydreaming scenarios and then figuring out how to translate that on the page. I enjoy feeling like I got a character voice just right or figuring out the punchline to my setup.

Does being bad at all of that negate my enjoyment?

I mean maybe. If the badness I feel is as strong and lasts as long as the enjoyment I got, then it's a wash, right? Writing brought me as much strife as it brought me enjoyment. But, for me at least, this is not how the math works out. The enjoyment far outweighs those shitty moments thinking, "Oh, well this one bombed, guess I better never write again."

If I accept that I am a bad writer and I ask myself all these questions and try to answer as honestly as possible, where does that leave me? As someone with a hobby that I'm not always the best at who sometimes writes things that nobody cares about. Is that the worst place to be? Is that worth ruining my own day over?

This is the thought process that helps me when I start getting obsessive and negative about my work. Often we end at "I'm terrible," and dwell there for a while in that negative space. My suggestion is to keep going. "I'm terrible, and that means...?"