#too hard rn i’m tired just from getting the stuff to work

[jenosjarofjam]

Now, you're stuck with me forever

Alpha jeno x Omega fem!reader

-Rivals/enemies to lovers

Requested ✔️ @no-romance-for-me-please

Word count: 2k+word.

Warning: smut,abo stuff, a lot I mean a lot of slick, squirting, knotting, cussing, biting/marking, mention of scent, nicknames(princess, good girl, etc...)

An note! This is like my first one shot and abo so hopefully this is not too bad🤞.(I took some prompts idea from Tumblr.)I didn't really dive deep into the rival/enemies part.

Playlist: collide-Justine Skye, Best lover-BiBi

You took the same class with Jeno, both of you were the top 10 students in the whole uni. You vividly remember the first year you met Jeno, Jeno always sat next to you, taunting you when he got higher grades. On the other hand, you studied extra hard because of it, surprisingly Jeno still got a higher grade than you. This went on for months, until the professor decided to pair both of you up for a huge project, now you have no choice but work with him. You guys started texting each other, deadline of the project was approaching, you agreed on letting Jeno into your place to help on the project, another led to another, now he crashes into your place whenever he wants

9:34 a.m

Jeno: Can I come over I’m bored……

Y/n : Since when did you started asking?

Jeno:I’m just trying to be nice rn, I’ll bring you food.

Y/n:awwwwwwwwww are you showing affection to me rn?

Jeno: I want to wrap my hands around your throat, and choke you until the life in your eyes die down.

Y/n: kinky ;)

Jeno: stfu, u freak

Jeno was sitting on the couch, finalising the project while you ate your food. The presence of him was distracting you , you seem to be confused about the reason… but hey no one’s complaining when there’s free food.

You noticed the sun peeking through the curtains, sun ray hitting Jeno’s face, highlighting his features. He’s skin glowed under the sun, his eyes shimmered hazel, his nose- “Hey! Are you even listening to me?Hello? Earth to Y/n?�� A voice abrupted your thoughts, you realised you have been unconsciously starring at him, your face blushed in embarrassment about being caught. “Were you starring at me?” He cocked his eyebrow in disbelief, “no- no way why would I be starring at you! You’re.. ugly.” Well that was a lie….. “You’re avoiding eye contac with me? Why’s that?” He grins in enjoyment watching you suffer. “No. NO why would I do that.” “Maybe because you’re into me?” He said poking fun at you. “ wha-what no no no…” “well, you’re looking at me like you want to murder me but also like…you want me.” He smirked, seeing your widened eyes. "*cough* umm I'm gonna go uhh get some water." You said, as you quickly walked to the kitchen. You let out a sigh, feeling like you lost your breathe just the moment before. You felt... feverish, oddly... horny.

You went back talking with Jeno, it still doesn't help the fact that you're thinking about getting pounded by a particular person. The uncomfortable stickiness between your thighs was borderline painful, you tried to ease the pain by crossing your legs...it didn't work. You spaced out looking into Jeno's eyes. "Hey... You should take a rest, you seem tired today," "Yeah..um yeah sorry I'll uh go to my room and get some rest, call me when you need anything." You responded, feeling the awkward tension in the room rise up. Little did you know, your scent was flaring up like crazy, the mix of raspberry jam and cherry blossom was putting off Jeno, the sweet smell of slick was oozing out of your panties, making it awfully hard for Jeno to keep his instincts and not to fuck you senselessly. You scurried off to your room, feeling overwhelmed to the brim. You started researching about random heats, trying to find the reason the sudden neediness. You came across an article about spontaneous heats.

Spontaneous heats-Though rare, there is a phenomenon called Spontaneous Heat, which is when an Omega goes into heat outside of their cycle. The rare cases where it happens include meeting one's perfect match (at which point both heat and rut begin almost immediately)

No way Lee Jeno was destined to be your mate, but you can’t deny he is dreadfully hot, but you definitely didn’t stand a chance to be with him.

All these mix signals are just throwing you over the edge.In spite of that, all you should be worrying right now is about the fact that you’re craving the feeling of Jeno’s dick sliding in and out of you.

You had to find a way to relief the pain, ignoring the fact Jeno is probably outside your room playing video games, you slipped your hand under your panties, stimulating your clit. You bite down on your pillow, trying to muffle your moans.

Jeno was standing outside your room, the scent of a sweet aroma slipping through the door crack is driving him insane. The sound of muffled moans , made it obvious you were touching yourself. The thought of marking you, letting everyone know you’re his. The desire to breed you, filling up your pussy with his cum. How pretty you’ll look when he fucks you until you’re senseless . He feels his body burning, blood rushing to his cock, he couldn’t get you off his mind the entire day, he was just craving to fuck you all day long . Jeno couldn’t hold it anymore, he knew damn way he wanted you, all the pretending was driving him mad.

As you were approaching your high, you closed your eyes and focused on the climax. Yougot so lost in the pleasure, you didn’t even notice that someone was standing in front of your doorway.

"Always so needy for me, having fun without me huh?" You quickly cover yourself, your face burned up in embarrassment, you stared at Jeno and his very prominent erection, the size of his bulge was huge , the sheer thought of it already makes you mouth water, you wondered how it’ll feel in your hand,or even in your tight pussy. “What you looking at?” Jeno interrupts your line of thoughts, but it doesn’t make it better. He's low raspy voice sends chills down your spine. He slowly walks to your bed, kneeling down and staring into your doe-eyes, you quickly turned your head away from his stare, he quickly leans closer, closer to the point you feel his breathe against yours " I asked you y/n, what are you looking at?”. Jeno realises how stupid this is, and pulls away, before you pull him by the collar, his lips crashes into yours, the hunger you both crave for each other is finally getting satisfied, his hands naturally went around your waist as he pulls you closer, goosebumps swarming every part of your body. He pulls away "do you want me to stop?” he asked, trying to reassure you wanted this. You hurriedly answered, longing for more “just the opposite, please” He pushes you on to the bed, now you’re under him.

“Submit yourself,” he demanded, “jeno-” “What did you call me?” he abruptly shouted, making you jolt from the unexpected behaviour. “I’m sorry, al-alpha.” he slowly pulled down your flimsy shorts along with your pink panties, the cold hands made you squirm away from his touch. He quickly put his hands on your hips and pull you in, “Let me take care of you, let me make you feel good, let me make you mine,” he whispers into your ears before he forcefully lifts your head up, now you’re staring at him. He’s eyes filled with lust, the dark orbs felt like they were burning holes in yours. He takes off his shirt, his toned abs, arms bulging with veins, looks just like a wet dream in sight. He spreads your legs further apart, slotting his head between your legs. He started licking your hole, not letting a single drop of slick going to waste, before adding two fingers into your leaking hole, slick dripping to his chin, his nose bumping onto your clit adding the extra sensation, making you moan like crazy. “Fuck, you taste so sweet, taste like mine,”he mumbled, the sound of slurping echoes in your ear, your hand naturally find its way down to his head, you grip firmly on his hair, tugging it slightly letting him know your getting close to your climax. The high he brought you was like shockswaves crashing into you, you arch your back gripping harder onto his hair, you let a breathy gasp as you came all over his face.

“I’m not done with you, yet." His eyes darkened as you reached your hands towards him, freeing his cock out of his confinement, it spring out hitting his abdomen. It was huge, far from the ones you've taken before. He slowly lift your legs up, pushing the tip in you, the stretch was painfully good, you unconsciously clenched around him making him groan, your slick coating his dick making it easier for him to fit. He gave you time to adjust to his length then he slowly thrusted into you. “Fuck- take it like a good omega that you are.” The new feeling of adrenaline came rushing in, your eyes rolled back when he hit the spot that made you see stars. He lets out a low breathy grunt , your creamy velvety walls sucking him in deeper, the tight fit making you feel every inch of him, every single veins dragging in and out of your pussy. He started thrusting in a merciless rhythm, he grabbed your jaw and kissed you roughly, his tongue swirled against yours, the passionate kiss turned into a messy make-out session. His warm lips taking over you, pussy gushing over his dick. "Alpha, I'm close-" you choked out "please, fill me up please.", you feel like time slowed, each thrust felt so sensitive, so good, you feel your vision blurring, the knot in your stomach snapped, you let a long lewd moan as you cum on Jeno's dick. Jeno kept thrusting, ignoring your whines. "Hmm, too much?? Too much for my omega? You were begging for it, you were begging me to fill you up right?? Good girl's keep their promises baby." The sensitivity was too much, you feel your eyes tearing up, you kept clenching on his girth, forming a creamy white ring around the base of his cock.

Jeno used his strength and flip you around, his big hands holding onto your hips, “ass up princess.” You obeyed, feeling a sharp slap on your butt, he swify pushes back in with a one quick thrust. "Plea-se knot- in me al-pha, please, wanna be full of your pups." You pleaded, the thought of being by each other's side everyday, carrying his child, was the best fucking dream ever. "Fuck- You want me to knock you up- huh? Such a slut, such a slut for me. Fuck I'm cumming." He grunted. Jeno grabbed your hair pulling it aside, exposing your bare neck and collarbones, Jeno put his nose on your neck, inhaling your sweet aroma. "Can I mark you- princess, wanna make you mine-" He asked, waiting to get a permission to forever mark you his. "Mark me please, alpha mark me!" Jeno licked the side of your neck, and bit down on it, he licked the blood that was oozing out of the mark. You screamed in pain, but the idea of being his was enough for you to bare the pain. Jeno kept thrusting in you, you feel like your were about to pass out, a new feeling rushed in, not like your typical orgasm. Your now breathy moans echoed the room along with the slapping sound of the skin, you screamed in pleasure as you squirted all over his abs. "S-shit , that was so hot, I'm so close princess." He growled, liquid dripping down your thighs. His thrusts became more sloppy, the raspy low grunts was starting to become smoky moans. You feel his dick twitched in you. He held you closer, gripping onto you harder. With a final push, his knot inflamed, hot white cum covering your walls, you whimpered from the knot's pain. The feeling was way too addictive that you can barely feel the pain now. Jeno lays on you for a few seconds, you can feel his warm breathe against your neck. It took a few seconds for him to recover from his orgasm, he finally broke the silence

"How are you feeling?" He asked genuinely, "Tired and confused...I thought you never liked me..." "Idiot, why would I not like you." "No shit Sherlock, you acted like you hated my guts." You argued

"Well now you're stuck with me forever."

[thequeenofcupps]

Bottom!hazard x fem!reader

SMUT!!!

DONT OPEN THIS IN PUBLIC!!

₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊

A/n: DUDE I HADDD TO START WORKING ON THIS AS SOON AS I GOT THIS REQUEST but fair warning it is 2 am for me rn so it might come out like tomorrow or today I’m not sure BUT STILL, also this might be ooc hazard too but I really don’t care cuz hazards a hottie 😋 also I’m probably a little mean to him but it’s just cuz I love him <3

Also @cogdat requested this!

⚠︎ Ok so everyone knows he’s like a scary looking guy but when he’s with you that just completely vanishes, like he’s trembling under your touch because 1 he hasn’t had a lot of chances with woman because he “didn’t have time to settle” and 2 you’re the first person that isn’t him to touch him

Like yeah he’s masterbaited loads of times but he’s never actually slept with someone so basically he was a virgin before he met you and he was extremely embarrassed that he was a 24 yr old virgin

⚠︎ You like overstimulating him or you overstimulate him on accident, Like he’s full on crying cuz he just feels so fucking good and he’s whimpering gibberish cuz his stupid brains a pile of mush

⚠︎ He’s like a goddamn dog in heat whenever he’s horny like if you’re doing something he like comes up from behind you and is practically fucking humping you and kissing your neck and whispering about how much he wants to touch you

⚠︎ He has a love/hate relationship with teasing, like he loves it when he does it to you but when you do it him he’s an extremely flustered man, like after him and the phreaks get back from a successful mission he has so much pent up energy and he needs you really bad but you’re not having any of it so you’ll just coo fun at him for being so whiny while you palm his hard on through his pants while he tries his hardest not to cum right then and there

⚠︎ If he makes you mad like for example missing a date you had planned for months, not listening to you whilst you’re trying to tell him something important You punish him hella hard, like if y’all are getting freaky you remember that he’d pissed you off a while ago so now you’re just rejecting him pleasure of cumming, like he’d have tears streaming down his face begging you for release but you’re just like “nah I’m good”

⚠︎ You own a strap just for him with<3

But that’s only for special occasions

Like if he had a successful mission, won a fight, won some stupid ass contest at the bar

Or if he’s to exhausted from his last mission he’ll let you pull out the strap 9000

He actually really likes the strap but he’ll never let you possess that info to him

⚠︎ I read a Drabble about him never shutting up and I wanted to include that in this fic

He’s so loud and talkative you HAVE to put his mouth to good use because you’re just tired of hearing him talk on and on and on you just need him to shut up

⚠︎ Please do praise him, he loves hearing you praise him for being such a good boy and taking it so well <3

⚠︎ Also aftercare is like heaven for the both of you like you’re getting up and getting some stuff for him cuz he’s too fucked out and is still in space so please help him with aftercare, his favorite part about aftercare with you is the nice warm lavender smelling bath you prepared just for the both of you while he comes down from his high <3

⚠︎ Also he’s a huge hand bucker, if he lets you jerk him off he’s trying so hard to not buck cuz if u do u gotta stop and he doesn’t like that 3:

⚠︎ His fucked out face looks like this: ( ˶꩜ ꕀ ꩜˶;)

A/n: I hope I did ok with this it’s really late and I’m tired asf and my brain isn’t working anymore 😭

[haveateadude]

bleak horizons iii.

summary *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ opening up it's not easy, isn't it?

warnings *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ depression, self-harm mention, and disordered eating (not explicitly mentioned but you can clearly see it's there)

author notes *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ helloooo welcome to part 3!!!!!! i think this might be the last part (if u have an idea on how this can continue feel free to tell me. u can send a request or just leave the idea in the comments). also just saying, this stuff is based on MY issues and experiences with mental health, so this might not be truthful to everyone. my insta is @/starsfinder_ if anyone wants to vent or just talk :))

remember you're not alone if you're going through a shitty moment, trust me!! ik everyone says to ask for help, and even if that's soo fucking true i know some people are not listened (even if that's literally a fucking RIGHT). so, as i said, you can dm me <33 take care of yourselves pleaseee. can't stress enough how much i want y'all to know you're not alone. hi. hello. i care!!!!!!!! and i'm here!!!!!! so please listen to me when i say everything's going to be alright :)) i love youuuuuu

also, sorry for any mistakes. i'm sooo tired rn lmao

pt1 — pt2 — pt3

I told you a lie, désolé, mon amour

I'm trying my best, don't know what's in store

The next week, I stepped out of therapy crying. I got into the car, slamming the door.

“Hey,” Ellie says softly, looking at me with her hands resting on the wheel, her gaze full of worry. “You okay?”

“Drive.”

“But—”

“Just drive.”

“Okay.”

Ellie starts driving. I wipe my tears, feeling overwhelmed. My mother had called yesterday and made me feel like shit. I wasn't doing my best at school. Ellie and I hadn't gone out since Christmas. So basically, everything was shit. I've also had urges to relapse, and they're just not going away.

I cry. Ellie drives. This is okay. It's okay. Except that it's not, and I haven't told my therapist anything about myself yet. My mother hasn't spoken to me in weeks, and my father sent a cat video on WhatsApp this morning. And Ellie’s knuckles are turning white from how hard she’s gripping the wheel, which makes my heart ache because I know she cares. It makes me want to tell her everything, but the words are stuck in my throat, and I can't seem to get them out.

We arrive at the apartment a couple of minutes later. Ellie doesn’t immediately open the doors, and I've calmed down enough to answer when she asks, “Baby? Are you feeling okay?”

I nod, looking away. The people that I see walking around look sad.

“I’m fine.”

“It’s okay if you’re not, though,” she says. I stay quiet, doubting it. Ellie nudges me with her elbow, looking for an answer. “Hey.”

“Yeah,” I say. “I know.”

Ellie pats me on the thigh before getting out of the car. I get out, too. I don't bother eating dinner that night; I just go straight to bed and fall asleep.

The next few days felt monotonous. I've fallen back into my sadness, the type that isn't bitter but sweet. It doesn't make me want to relapse. It makes me want to stay in bed more hours than I'd like, takes my appetite away, and leaves me feeling nothing but numbness.

I wake up, go to work, study, attend uni, come home, and sleep. The cycle repeats and repeats, and I'm so, so very tired.

Today, I took the day off. I knew I was too tired to do anything, so I planned to rot in bed. Ellie knocks on the door, but I don't answer. I hear the door creak open and the light from the living room creeping in.

"Hey," Ellie says, her voice coming from behind me. "Mind if I lay next to you?"

"It's fine," I say with a hoarse voice. I feel the bed sink at my side, and then Ellie is behind me, wrapping her arm around my torso and nuzzling her face into my neck, leaving a kiss right there. I feel cozy and comfortable. I don't know if this will last. I hope it does because it's a feeling I've never experienced before—someone comforting me? That has never happened.

"Do you want to talk about what's going on?" she asks. I stay quiet. "I care about you. I'm worried."

I do want to talk about it, but at the same time, I don't.

"I'm fine."

"You always say that… You haven't gotten out of bed since you came from work, and the frozen lasagna you were going to make for yourself last weekend has been in the fridge since then." She stays quiet for a second, her fingertips caressing my arm. "You're not doing fine, baby."

Millions of thoughts go through my head. Thoughts I don't say. I don't want her to leave; I don't want her to see how I feel.

"I'm trying, though." It's easy to say since Ellie isn't looking at my face directly. Tears threaten to spill from my eyes. I blink them away; I blink, blink, and blink again. Fast.

Ellie stays quiet, her breath tickling my neck. She kisses the back of my head again, her hand holding mine. I hold it to my chest. "I know. But you don't have to be alone in this."

That hits me like a truck. I wasn't expecting to be held by her, let alone her saying I don't have to be alone. A tear falls from my eye, landing on the pillow. I sniff, and Ellie holds me tighter, not saying anything. She tucks a strand of hair behind my ear with her free hand and kisses my temple.

"I'm sorry," I say, in a moment of pathetic weakness. She hugs me even closer.

"Hey, no. Don't apologize. C'mon, turn around."

I let go of her hand, turning around. Her left hand cups my face and she kisses my cheek, then my forehead, and then she kisses the tears that fall on my cheeks. When she pulls away, she gives me a small smile, "You're going to be okay."

She doesn't want you. She's your friend; she doesn't want you. She will fall in love with you, not your brain nor your scars, and when she finds out about the way you think, she'll leave.

I wake up on Ellie's chest, it feels good to be comforted, I've found. Her phone is on the nightstand, so I just reach it and look at the time. It's eight o'clock. I've fallen asleep for two hours. I try to make myself more comfortable on her chest, attempting not to wake her, but my movements fail and she stirs.

"Hey," she says, her voice still laced with sleep. "What time is it?"

"It's still night," I say, closing my eyes. "We slept for two hours.'

"Feeling better?" I feel comfortable enough to shake my head. "Do you want to talk about it? I told you, I'm worried. And don't bullshit me with the whole 'I'm fine' shit, yeah?"

I stay quiet as her thumb caresses my back, "Did I tell you why I'm going to therapy?" Ellie shakes her head. "Well—back home I had some… issues. Mental health stuff related. I kept going back to depressive episodes. And one day I just asked for help from my mom, because I—I just couldn't stop self harming."

"Baby," Ellie says, hugging me tighter and kissing the top of my head. "What happened? Did your mother react well?"

"Yeah. Surprisingly. I got help. Got better. Sometimes it comes back, and I still get urges sometimes, but I can control it. It isn't as bad as it was before. But lately, it's just—yeah."

"You don't do that anymore, do you?" She asks, worried.

"No," I shake my head. "Not anymore."

"And what about the urges, do you still get them?" I nod, slowly. Ellie plays with my hair. "And therapy? Is it helping?"

"I haven't told her anything, yet. I—I don't know, I can't talk about it."

"What if I go to the next session? If you're okay with that, of course. If you still don't feel comfortable we can look for another therapist or another way to get you help."

I hide my face in her chest when she says the last word. I don't know why I've been refusing to get help. I don't know why I don't like that word. I sigh as Ellie stops playing with my hair and begins rubbing my back.

"I think—I think I would like it if you go with me."

"Okay. Okay, then. I'll go." The room falls to silence again for a few seconds. I feel ashamed for telling her. "I'm sorry you have to go through this… I wish I could do more."

"You're doing more than enough," I assure her. It's my time to hug her tighter. "You’re the first person I’ve talked to about this."

"Yeah?" She seems surprised. "I'm glad you talked to me. I'm here for you if you need anything—I mean it. You just have to tell me, I will listen… You could've told me sooner."

"I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't apologize. I’m just saying, I'm here for you. I've been there for you, always. And… is there something I can do to help?"

"Just be there," I say. "That's enough."

"Mhm, I'll stay."

I think she wants you, a little voice in my head says. I think she loves you, and I don't think she'll ever leave.

Maybe I'll be okay, after all.

[yua-nism]

I saw your tags and I’m now very intrigued like what do you mean yuhan has the SHORTEST TRAGIC BACKSTORY?!?! JUST WHAT IS GOING ON?? like granted I should have known a game about devil cat butlers would have some angst and tragic backstories but god damn 😭😭

there was a miscalculation on my part and yuuhan's is in fact, not the one with the shortest backstory! however that's only because the others have yet to have their backstories be revealed. sorry for the late answer btw, exams have made me pretty tired.

ok so ill briefly explain a bit. this ties in to the requirement to become a devil butler that is, having felt so much despair that one feels like dying. normal people will be swallowed up by the devils they contract with. the despair essentially acts like chains for the devil. so to talk about their pasts in the Briefest Way Possible (lie):

miyaji has beef with lucas on the surface but really it's because he still can't get over the fact that lucas decided to save him from the verge of death instead of someone else he thought was more capable than him while lucas simply chose to save miyaji because he had higher chances of living.

lucas was basically a child prodigy/genius. since young, he's always loved reading books, and even read thick books that even adults struggled to understand. even though he was lonely and had no one to talk to, he still endured it, skipped grades, and became a doctor at the age of 10+. at first he was looked down on for being young, but an older doctor stood up for him. eventually he became the leader of the doctors, but due to his lack of social skills, he struggled to communicate well, which resulted in the doctors hating him. in the end, all the doctors except lucas quit their job. and the group collapsed. (tbf id quit too... imagine being said you didn't work as hard as him and don't have as much brainpower compared to him as well)

ammon has only had his mom since birth and lived with her, selling flowers for a living. ammon would always make sure the flowers would be sold out at the end of the day for his sickly mother, but if he doesn't manage to sell all of them it's heavily implied his mom whips him like he does to himself even now. they were like super poor but ammon still loved his mom because he only had her

berrien has like this super mysterious past but rn it's starting to unravel in chapter 4. he's an orphan and got adopted into a church backed by the grovanas or whatever nobel family to nurture warriors who could fight angels, but surprisingly the church is actually full of love and was ran by someone who fighted angels named Goetia. berrien also met his soon-to-be older brother figure named Beren/Belen. btw all of the kids go by the last name Cliane because goetia wants everyone to become true family.

when berrien was 26 (Beren 29), goetia died from a chronic disease and Beren had to take on goetia's responsibilities. berrien became the one running the church, however shit happened, Beren got demonized, and berrien used his powers to keep Beren alive after forming a contract with his current devil. he's still residing in berrien's basement as of current, but in a coma. berrien still thinks he himself has no rights to be a butler and really does not believe that he's the one keeping the damn thing running

also the church got destroyed like 2400 years ago and yes berrien is 2000+ years old

haures was born into some wack ass family, his dad ran away with some other woman and his mom projected her rage and stuff like that onto haures, and his newborn younger sister Tricia. haures is 10 years older than Tricia. when he was that age, he ran away from home with Tricia (literal baby) because he no longer trusted his mom to take good care of them. after that, when haures was 18, he trained hard to become a soldier under the grovanas nobles so he could afford to let Tricia get treatment for her worsening vision. one heartbreaking scene was when haures showed off his red uniform to Tricia and she said the blue uniform looked good on him... but 5 years later, haures managed to get Tricia's eyes healed!!! surely nothing bad could happen!!!!

sike. haures caught one of the grovanas nobles illegally trafficking humans with some dealer, and arrested him. however that led to the seller getting revenge, and he decided to capture tricia. he stabbed her and threw her into the woods. when haures found her, she only managed to call out to haures before she died after a few breaths. haures was really really really devastated. he sought revenge on the noble, and while the noble didn't die, he was jailed 5 years for harming the noble (not death sentence because he was determined mentally unstable after losing Tricia.). after he got out of jail, he found the noble again and wanted to kill him, but he was reminded of how Tricia admired him for protecting the people and helping those in need, which stopped him. after that, he became a devil butler because of his proficient fighting skills.

lamli was forced to work at a circus by his mom at the age of 10, while starting up with simple duties, he decided to train to become a circus troupe performer so he'd earn more money for his complaining mother. its heavily implied he's abandoned by her and becomes a devil butler because of his nimble body. btw his mom said she never wanted to have lamli right in front of him. jesus.

fennesz was born into a wealthy happy family, and had an older sister. however his war general father lost a war against nobles, and the economy went into shambles. his mom remarried but even though their stepdad was nice, fennesz and his sister ended up strays on the street due to some reasons i forgot of. fennesz would get bullied by kids on the street because of his father's loss in the war, but his sister would always protect him, and they relied on each other for survival. she's very smart, as shown in the story. she also loves history, as she said, it can help people learn from the past. its heavily implied she is dead.

ok flure! flure grew up with his older sister and mother who both did ballet (can one of you have an actual dad for once?), and he also followed in their footsteps. however when he was a child he was bullied for liking stereotypical girly things, like playing with his sister's dolls, doing ballet and having long hair. even though he was laughed at for doing it, he still underwent strict training guided bg his sister and mother. he never found the courage to tell his sister or mom even though his sister could tell something was wrong (heard him crying at night). he still thinks he should be more courageous to this day and thinks he's pathetic. we don't know what happened to his family but they probably died.

i wanted to talk about boschi but i realized idk much about him apart from the fact that he only had his grandmother (who's actually a great caretaker for once!) and he was bullied for being a bookworm/nerd at school and had no friends. though he did actually beat those bullies up later for mocking his grandma when she wanted to take him back home. she didn't want boschi to fight but she said herself she was actually rooting for him when he was fighting LMAOOO love her for that

lono. ok so lono was really poor and had no parents, and he acted as the older brother for the younger kids living on the streets with him. he'd work as someone who'd clean up rubble from battling angels, which was a job that had unstable income since no one knows when angels are gonna appear. they were family basically. lono would rather starve than let his siblings eat less, and his love of cooking originated here because he loved seeing them happy from his cooking. we don't know what happened to them, but they're probably dead

nac was born into a rich family, and has a father, not sure if he has a mother, never mentioned at least. apparently the stein family was great at sales or trading or smth??? they're just some very rich and well-known name. however on his 12th birthday, his butler led him to the forest near the stein mansion, and revealed himself to be someone the stein family harmed. just as he was about to kill lil nac in shock, nac retaliated in defense. and when he realized, he already stabbed the man at his vital point. his dad appears out of nowhere and reveals that he knew this all along, and that the stein family is actually a long line of assassins with sales as their front personas. nac was trained to kill since then, and thought he'd never feel positive emotions again before he became a devil butler. he also has scars all around his body, probably from the assassin work he did.

lato and his non-blood related brother, Aleks I think? were kidnapped by people who wanted to train people to become angel fighters. however unlike berrien, this time it's just pure cruelness and literal torture. they were 8 when this experiment started. not only that, all the children were sold by their caretakers to this place, including lato and aleks' "mother", the head of their orphanage, who they deeply loved and believed in. when lato finally found a way to escape, almost half the children were dead.

and when he told the others, they told lato that they already gave up on escaping, including aleks. from, i suppose, all the suppressed anger and trauma, he burned the experiment facility down, leaving the other kids to die because he hallucinated that they wanted them to be burned so they could be free. after that, lato returned to the orphanage even though he knew the "mother" sold him in the first place. guess what the mother did! that's right she ran back into the orphanage when she saw him, locked the fucking door and told him to get the fuck away from her. and lato burned the orphanage down.

now onto the new butler trio!

teddy is the one with the most details in his backstory so far. when he was young, he Had a twin brother, and teddy was a far cry from who he is now. he was negative and gloomy compared to his brother, who was positive and talented, and people always favored teddy's brother more. but one day, his brother died protecting him from an angel, but since they were so alike people didn't know whether the one that died was teddy or his brother. and after grieving his brother, teddy decided to become him, and used his brother's name to live on as him so people wouldn't be sad, because "teddy" was the one that died. and that led to teddy forming his personality today. teddy is his actual name though, he started using it after he became a knight. he became a knight because he wanted to protect people from angels.

but during an attack by an intelligent angel, namely seraphim, one of the angels that appeared at the end of chapter 1 and also the major antagonist of the story, teddy's entire unit got killed. at the start of chapter 2.5, he recuperated in a hospital, however he kept terrible nightmares (reliving the massacre, and hearing the voices of his comrades asking him why he abandoned them and why he got to survive) and so didn't sleep at all. he eventually snuck out of the hospital to visit their graves, and then started wondering what the point of him still being alive is. he almost threw himself off a cliff before haures and aruji reached him.

hanamaru. ten years before the story, hanamaru was fleeing from something- he walked all the way from the east to the central, and collapsed in a forest. a nun found him and took him back to a church that doubled as an orphanage. however the nun soon fell ill and died, so hanamaru began taking care of the kids in the church after he was saved by her.

but 5 years later, the church was attacked by angels. he was away from the church when the attack happened, and when he came back, all he saw were angels flying away from the ruined church. only 4 kids survived. hanamaru had a breakdown, and kept kneeling and pressing his head against the ground, saying things like "i couldn't protect them", "i swear ill keep them safe next time", implying this is not the first time something like this has happened. he swore vengeance against the angels that day, that he would never forgive them, and himself. so berrien suspects that the 4 kids that survived were the people that kept hanamaru around. who knows what could've happened if they passed as well...

lastly (finally), yuuhan. at the age of 9, he trained to become a soldier of the sardeis family so he could protect his hometown, and made it after 3 years. he quickly rose up in the ranks, being a prodigy. in the main story, he started doubting his loyalty to the family after they attempted an assassination on the devil butlers. and he betrayed the sardeis family and fell into their trap when investigating forbidden records. he got thrown into jail by the head, and the head decided for his punishment, yuuhan's whole village and everyone he knew there will be burned and killed. he could only despair in jail. in the story, after his prison guard left after serving him food, yuuhan started crying. he called out to his father, his mother, everyone from his hometown, apologizing again and again, believing that it's his fault that they died.

after that, the head, fubuki, paid him a visit. fubuki beat yuuhan up, pushed him to the verge of death, but not grave enough injuries to die. yuuhan asked fubuki to kill him, but fubuki refused. he even says he'll force feed yuuhan till the day of his death execution if necessary. however, yuuhan was rescued by the butlers during his execution. (it took place in a forest with tigers. basically the death penalty is getting eaten by tigers) he became a devil butler after that.

holy shit. also im not typing Bastien's since you can read his backstory from the tls available here.

[assume444it]

Hy I once sent you an ask, Since our last conversation about manifestation things haven't gotten better for me tbh and I'm so sad and disappointed in myself. I keep going in-between deciding and using robotic affirming but I get no where. I keep giving up Everytime it doesn't show up in seconds. I mean people always say I should be patient whether after a day or a week but it's hard because who wants to wait that long for something they really want, I've watched manifestation videos, decided but I find it so hard to decide. I feel like nothing's working, rn I wanna manifest a lot of things. I did an exam and it was supposed to get me into the university, I totally failed. Like for a week I've been trying to revise saying I passed and the teacher texted saying he made a mistake but nothing at all. My parents keep asking about my results and I keep stalling them, I'm so tired. I feel like telling them the truth but I know they'll be so disappointed, sp still doesn't want me. Like I'm exhausted from trying different methods, setting timers, visualizing, I'm just so tired. Like can I just say I have it and get it within seconds,is it possible? Sometimes I feel like giving up bc I see people getting success effortlessly but why I sit different with me...but I can't bc we are always manifesting. I get anxious, cry and just suffer in silence, honestly I'm loosing my mind. The whole free will thing not being existent isn't even applying for me, I try to make people do certain stuff but no movement at all. And what keeps confusing me is the whole just decide or just know and move on,how do I know when I can't see it. Sorry for the rant, I'd really appreciate it if you replied bc tbh I feel like this is the only page that could probably help me.

I’m so sorry you’re going through. That sounds tough. I’m very sorry however, you are still the god/goddess of your reality just because you’re seeing something in front of you does not make it final. It doesn’t mean this is how shit‘s gonna stay excuse my French but you need to understand that what you say is law even if you get a bad grade, even if your SP is acting in a certain kind of way at the end of the day, it’s what you say it is and all I can say is everything that you’re seeing and experiencing and going through is and will lead you to what you want.

also, don’t feel bad about crying or feeling anxious or having emotions you’re a human being. You’re gonna feel these kind of ways and at the end of the day you’re still experiencing the 3-D so it’s OK to feel how you want.

I like the quote “doubting your manifestation is like being pregnant and asking where the baby is” because you already have it. It’s already yours.

another analogy that might help you is “the name analogy“ like if I came to you and told you your name was something that it isn’t. Would that automatically mean that your name has changed? No it wouldn’t your name is still the same. Your name is still the exact thing that you got when you were born and that is how manifesting works regardless of what the 3-D is showing you you still have what you want so. The 3-D is merely a reflection of your old thoughts so when you see something you don’t like remind yourself you’re not aligning with this reality anymore. You’re aligning to something different and the more that you fill your mind and focus on what you want the more it will start to show up

also you have to stop seeing other people successes as your failures and look at them instead as oh I can have that too. 

[melanatedeuph0ria]

my initial thoughts on the bear s3 (having only gotten to ep 5)

im not even mad ab the whole sydcarmy breakdown in s3 rn I’m just like disappointed because what the fuck man

I’m only on ep 5 and I’m not gonna lie to y’all if this was as good and actually interesting as season 2 I’d be eating it up and binging that shit as much as I did last year. Well now I rlly can’t because I just HAD to rewatch the show w my parents so now that means I have to wait until they’re in the mood to watch it to watch it with them so I don’t feel like I’m betraying them for watching episodes on my own (mostly my mom tbh) but like ts is NOT speaking to me man

like I NEVER use “man” at the end of my sentences like that only when I’m actually exasperated and fucking tired of the shit something or somebody is pulling

Like FROM WHAT IVE SEEN this season has only showed me that like OKAY I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE FAKS IM JUST SEEING THEM WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH LIKE…WHY IS JOHN CENA HERE STOP TRYING TO MAKE SHIT INTERESTING BY INSERTING RANDOM FUCKING CELEBRITIES INTO YO SHIT FIRST OF ALL

SECONDLY I’m pissed with how CARMY IS TREATING MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK QUEEN PRINCESS DUCHESS SYDNEY

Like what happened man 😕

It was legitimately going so so so SO WELL IN SEASON TWO

LIKE I HAD HOPE INDISPUTABLE HOPE ABOUT THEM GETTING TOGETHER

LIKE HUH

but then this WHITE MAN has the nerve to treat her like GARBAGE

FIRST FROM GETTING INTO A FIGHT WITH RICHIE FOR NO FUCKING REASON CAUSING RICHIE TO FALL OVER AND SPILL ALL OF THE HARD EXPO ORDER WORK SYDNEY WAS WORKING ON

LIKE I WOULD HAVE BEEN GONE BYE RESTAURANT WITH NO FUCKING SIGN ON THE FRONT LIKE WHO DO YALL THINK YALL AREEE

ALSO I FIND IT DISRESPECTFUL AS HELL

DISRESPECTFUL THAT THIS NIGGA IS ASKING HER “WHAT DO I DO WITH CLAIRE???” LIKE LMAO WHY NOBODY GIVE A FUCK

I THINK IM MOVING TO THE SIDE OF THE ARGUMENT THAT SYDNEY DESERVES BETTER THAN THIS MAN

AND I WIULDVE THOUGHT HE WOULDVE BEEN AT LEAST A LITTLE, MAYBE A LITTLE MORE GENTLRR WITH HER DURING COOKING TOME OR WHAGEVER TF BUT HE STILL JUST AS GORDON RAMSAY-ISH WITH HER LIKE WITH ANYONE

WTF DID WE DO STORER

LIKE WHY R U BEING A BITCH ABOUT SYDCARMY SHIPPERS LIKE U JUST PUT A BIG ASS HOLE IN THEIR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP

LIKE OKAY THEY DONT HAVE TO GET TOGEHRHER WHATEVER IF THEY DONT ILL STILL BE PISSED BUT WHATEVER

BUT I FEEL LIKE

UGH IDK

I CAME TO SEE A LIL ROMANCE THE NITTY GRITTY. LIKE EW HOW THE HELL ARE YALL GOING TO BE SHOWING CLAIRE AND CARMY KISSING IN THE DARK LIKE I DONT CARE WHAT TYPE OF WORK SHE DOES I DONT GAF AB WHAT SHE DO FOR WORK LIKE I APPRECIATE HER BEING A NICE PERSON TO THESE KIDS AND STUFF BUT CMON

CARMY AINT CALL HER NOT ONCE THIS WHOLE TIME IVE BEEN WATCHING

RICHIE IS THE ONLY ONE IM FR INTERESTED IN MARCUS TOO BECAUSE HE TRYNA DO SOME EXPERIMENTAL SHIT OUTSIDE OF THIS STRSSSFUL ASS ENVIRONMENT

AND SINCE WHEN DID THEY STILL OPERATE THE BEEF?!? I THOUGHT THEY CLOSED THAT SINCE WHRN IS A BRANCH OF THAT STILL OPERATING AND WHY IS ONLY EBRA IN CHARGE?!?

I THOUGHT THEY BUILT OVER THE RESTAURANT AND TURNED IT INTO WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS NOW I MIGHTA MISSED A PLOT POINT BUT I DONT REMEMBER THAT EVEN BEING SAID

ALSO WHI IS THAT MAN WHO WALTZED INTO THE BEAR REASTUARSNT AND WAS TALKING W CARMY AS HE WAS CUTTING SOME SHIT AND WHO ALSO WAS AT THE WINDOW OF THE BEEF LIKE WHO ARE YOU HO LIKE R U A FAK OR WHAT BITCH

CARMY IS JUST TOO SAME OLD SAME OLD FOR ME LIKE CAN WE PLEASE CHANGE FOR ONCE IN OUR LIVES

LIKE I UNDERSTAND RICHIE ON THE FIRST EP LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DO U MEAN UR SORRY WHEN U LITERALLY CALLED ME A LEECH FOR WANTING TO BE INCLUDED IN THIS FAMILY BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE ONE TO RLLY CALL HIS OWN?!?!? LIKE CARMY CAN YOU CHILL OUT THIS MAN ACTUALLY LOVES YOU NO PAWSE

from what I’ve watched already its okay NOT TO SAY THE ACTORS ARE BECAUSE THE ACTORS DID AN INCREDIBLE PERFOMANCE AS USUAL LIKE THEIR SKILLS ARE STILL GREAT BUT I DONT LIKE WHAT THEY HAVE YALL DOIN WITH THAT AND ITS PISSING ME AWFF DONT PMOOOOO

ALSO IS IT JUST ME OR DO I FEEL LIKE THE BLACK CHARACTERS ARENT GETTING SHIT THIS SEASON

LIKE MARCUS AND TINA..OKAY OKAY THEY GOT THEY LIL EPISODES

BUT WHAT AB NOW IN THE PRESENT

I THINK WHO IM MAINLY TALKING AB IS SYD, EBRA, AND GARY I DAMN NEAR FORGOT HIS NAME BECAUSE WE NEVER EVER EVERRRR SEE HIM. EVER.

LIKE I ACTUALLY LIKE HIS CHARACTER I WANT TO SEE MORE OF HIM HE SEEMS COOL

okay main points:

* syd deserves better

* syd needs to stop being a lil mean to her dad idk I might be soft but like (it HAD to be said cs why r u being so rude to him for having genuine concerns about this murky ass apartment u finna dig into yo pockets to pay for?? ALSO this sussy ass partnership w this man liiiiiioke…)

* they seemed to care more ab carmys failing and anticlimactic relationship with claire than marcus’s late mother (ALSO I couldn’t help but notice SYDNEY was the only one, THE ONLY ONE who came to support this man as they were cleaning his mom’s hospice equipment out of his house…LIKE YALL HAVE NOTHING TO DO COME HELP??? like okay they came to his funeral which I appreciate y’know but still that part irks me)

* ts feels like filler at its finest somebody already said that but I felt like it had to be restated, like if CLAIRE YO

* IF CLAIRE IS THE MAIN DAMN PLOT POINT FOR THIS NIGGA CARMY RN AND IS THE ONE DRIVING HIM TO DO ALL THIS CRAZY NONNEGOTIABLE SHIT TO GET HIS MIND OFF OF IT IM DONE

* okay I’m done thank y’all for listening

* also I’m writing this on my notes app so I just copied it over

*ok bye y’all ty for listening !!! :3

UPDATE: I just read a few posts on here giving different perspectives and now I feel like I might’ve missed some stuff 😭

like maybe this is just setting it up to LOOK LIKE syd and carmy aren’t ever happening just to make season 4 and have them

idk how to even end that sentence

[shiftersroom]

hi thala! 💞 so sorry if you don’t accept this kind of asks but i just feel like i need to vent and your vlog is always reassuring and comforting.

currently i’m in this situation where i just want to get out of this cr and permashift to my dr asap, but it seems like i can’t stop self sabotaging myself and i’m so so tired of it. last night i was crying my heart out because of how bad i felt about it. i’ve been practicing meditation so i can enter the void and even though it seems like i learned to keep my mind awake and body sleep i haven’t been able to get past that and it’s so frustrating. i know there’s tons of methods and also everyone says i don’t even need one but i idk why i have this idea that i need some method to detach from my cr really printed on my mind. for the self sabotaging part, i can’t help but have trust issues regarding myself and the community, sometimes it’s my intrusive thoughts making me doubt about shifting being real/posible and other’s successful experiences (saying it must have been a lucid dream or they are just making it up and i really HATE and feel guilty to discredit their experiences in that way 😭) and other times my belief in shifting is unwavering but i don’t feel capable of it. i'm not even the kind of person who has ever had any “closer attempts” or mini shifts and has been really hard for me to find what works best for me, meditation is by far what i’ve been trying the most but i’m just so impatient that sometimes i can’t help but feel that i’m going nowhere. my mind is really so stubborn when it comes to trying to change negative thoughts.

sorry for all of this, i don’t have shifting friends or someone i can share this stuff with. i don’t usually tend to feel this way but last night i just kinda collapsed, it crossed my mind that maybe i'm wasting my time and that i should just give up but i don’t want to, if this shii is real i need to experience it no matter what. i want to be with the ones i love and live the life i want. i don’t want to stay here any longer. i want to try loa along with shifting but then again, my intrusive thoughts say that i’ll be just gaslighting myself and all that.

i know no one else can fix these problems for me, but i’m so scared of failure or just being delusional for believing in all of this. sorry again for the long vent, i needed to get this off my chest. love you and your blog so much thala. if you don’t really want to accept this because honestly is like a long ass and probably demotivating ramble it’s totally okay, but thank you for taking the time if you do. hope you keep being happy and having success with everything you do. 😭🫶🏻

hello 💕 please feel free to vent, i don’t mind.

i completely understand your level of frustration, i badly want to permashift too and i have little breakdowns every few months once it catches up to me that nothing has fully worked yet.

the void can take a long time to perfect. i mean monks spend decades learning to meditate! why don’t you try something other than meditation? if you’ve given it a good go and it hasn’t worked, it’s probably not the method for you. i recommend a short break before trying a new method. rn i’m writing an affirmation 100 times a day. but honestly if that doesn’t work i’m straight up gonna lay there and visualize for 8 hours every night. i’m getting out of here no matter what.

try asking yourself what you think will work for you - sometimes we know the answer but we need to sit down and think about it. for example i keep doing affirmations, or short visualizations. but i feel what will make me shift is just laying there and telling myself to stfu and visualize until i’m there, even if it takes hours.

as for the self sabotage, i cope with that by watching my favorite creators and realizing that no one in their right mind would upload years of unpaid content that most people would ridicule us for, all for it to be a lie or joke. especially older shifters. and the other thing i like to do is remind myself that if i shifted and came back, no matter how ridiculous the experience was it’d still be real - so even if you don’t believe someone bc it sounds outlandish, it can still be real.

i’m also scared of being delusional but i simply cannot and will not remain here. there is no other option for me, so i’ll persist forever. the first time i shifted i had no idea id shift. that keeps me motivated, i could feel awful and still wake up in my dr tomorrow.

forever posting this reddit post by someone who shifted after 5 years, this was my fave comment of theirs:

and that motivates me even more - even if it’s fake i’m gonna make it real.

i also struggle with trying to change negative thoughts and my mindset, i’m in my mid 20s this stuff is harder to believe in at this age, and my mind has been tainted by years of bad experiences. but as hard as it is i’m forcing myself to get over it and try everything, bc i just need to shift once and all my bad experiences will be over.

i’m sorry if i gave you a big rant in return haha, but i hope this helps!! 💕 i’m so happy you like my blog and thanks for your sweet words 🥹

[mistermalaprop]

Uhh, hey, Mal! I had a response for this but, uhm, I think Tumblr broke off so I can't really reblog? Anyways- Just. Ya don't gotta reply to this ask or anythin', just wanted to try and help out at least.... :]

--Copy and pasting rn--

Hmm….. Well, buddy! I may not be da best at givin' advice, but I'll try!!

So! Let's think of this logically and why things might have happened!

From what I understand you and your neighbor are/were close, riiiiight? Hmm… Has there been any negative interactions between ya two before all these happened? Maybe they didn't feel comfortable and decided to just, take their time![Of course I ain't sayin' that yer a bad person, pal, the opposite actually! There might've been a misunderstanding!!]

I'm not sure how close ya two were since going to each others b-days and such is normal neighbor activity…… Huummmmmmmmm…….. Have they been distancing themselves from JUST you, or other people aswell?

Maybe somethings happening/ has happened in their lives thats made them more occupied with other stuff, they've bee feeling low and dealing with shit oorrr….. Well, I don' wanna speculate on someone I ain't even seen but… Another theory is that they might be dealing with mental stuff, that's a good reason as to why most people distance themselves!

I… suppose ya haven't analyzed the way they move and interact with the world, have ya? Nope, prollly not.

Well, either way speculations may get one only so far! The best course of action would be ta talk to them, see how they've been doin', communication is important, dont'cha forget that! They might no longer wish to speak with you-and if that's da case, good riddance! Ya deserve people who care for ya! They could just be going trough stuff and so may not have been able to spend time with you/distance themselves for those reasons too!

Either wayy-- Remind that them it would be best to just tell the truth and that its alright to express what they would wish to do continuing forward with your relationship. If they choose to step back and no longer interact you may want to talk to them still yet it is best to remember that they have made their choice and boundaries and you are to respect that-could be da other way around too! And if it was just a misunderstanding or something ya'll both be on your merry ways! Simple!

Eh, been a while since I've looked up any therapy explanations tho, so this is the best advice I could give..

Communication seems to be lacking here, that appears to be the only problem I see-since we have not been given anything else to work off of.

Ah well, wish ya luck whatever you choose to do going forward, Malvo~!! ;]

I deleted the original post because I figured out what I wanted to do. I’m gonna just keep the set and maybe text tomorrow.

Thanks for the help tho, ya put a lot of thought into this— there’s a bunch of irl shit involved but I asked my mom what I should do since she’s been involved with this person often, and she said that she really didn’t like them, and they made her angry. The entire family does, really. They all suck, they’re terrible and rude to everyone.

I took a while to really think about if anything went wrong. I really, really thought hard about if I did something. But I came up empty handed. It was just.. one day we were texting, next day they started avoiding me. I spent a lot of time and effort befriending them and listening to their problems, but they were never.. nice. I guess. They have other friends and a boyfriend now, who they ditched plans we both set, to hang out with, so I don’t think they’re retracting from other people. I try and reach out to see if they would hang out, but it always takes a long time to get any responses, or they ignore me.

I decided I give up on it, because, well, I don’t think they’ve cared. I’m kinda tired of being the person who gives up their time and energy and limited money to a person who can’t even say hi when we see each other outside.

TL;DR I’m building the LEGO set myself and giving it to my parents so I can get over it. Thanks for the help, I appreciate it.

[yuseirra]

I'm drawing a comic~ for the meantime...this manga honestly made me so frustrated and pissed earlier, I just ranted on and I found it so funny to read. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do, here's how I feel about it rn!!

oh, this is such a perfect time to take a break from it though, i constantly feel so nervous about creating something for it because things escalate fast and I need to make good sense of it and reflect it into my works EVERY week. I am nuts for staying accurate to the source material (it may not seem like it but I'm really a perfectionist and I wish to do a good job getting the characters right) This work has a knack for making me feel extremely tense. It's been that way for the past three months I've hopped in, it's nice and enjoyable to have something to be invested on but sometimes it gets too much.. people are growing insane and pointing knives at each other, our protagonist stabbed himself and fell into the waters. The fact that I think it was an utterly foolish decision for him to have been that way does not help. I do not support what he's done. It does make a pretty impressive scene considering it's a manga and the art looks good, I think they planned that scene to be there from the beginning too but Sigh

I think he directed his anger to the wrong guy. I am not convinced that was the right choice he's made so I hate the look of it. Way to feel this way about the main character huh,

I can't draw.. when things make me this nervous, what else is going to unfold? I feel like I can see the big picture for the whole thing, but there is no way I can predict all the little details and what if things get super ugly, even uglier than how it is now?? I can't possibly work with that, it's just so hard!; Mengo-san Aka-san, what did I do to deserve this?? I came in because I thought I understood what this is!!! I have a good idea of how things are going to go!!! Why do you have to make everything SO MESSY?? It's frustrating. I AM collecting the physical volumes you know? I WANT TO TILL THE END?? please don't make me regret it, You seriously AREN'T going to make the one guy Ai confessed her love to a total freak. You know that and I know it too. It's just out there and set in stone, goodness. This isn't funny. This is so pointless. It wears me out ugghhh it's not about the ship I mean, it's about the message!!! the plot!!!!!! I really don't like how this manga makes things way more complex than what it actually is. It doesn't have to be that way.

Heheh. I ranted again- the stuff below's what I wrote earlier. Honorable mention to chatgpt for helping me translate it.. this is just. I just want things to get resolved. It's getting so dumb.

***

Kamiki is drowning and getting dragged away, Aqua stabs himself, then floats on the water with a melancholy expression on his face… and then there's a break for two weeks or so, right? Ugh, seriously.

But honestly, even in this weirdly ended situation, I’m actually glad there’s a break. If there wasn’t, I wouldn’t be able to write things like this. I get too nervous to write because I really hate making mistakes. I genuinely don’t like it. Normally, I wouldn’t enjoy talking about uncertain situations like this…

But what can I do when I see things?;;; If I didn’t understand anything at all, I wouldn’t be able to write something like this, and if I didn’t have enough time, I wouldn’t have time to think about it, so I wouldn’t be able to write then either. But now that I do understand, it’s just… so frustrating, suffocating, nerve-wracking, and I feel all fidgety because of it.

Honestly, this manga should just release one chapter and then take a break. Release one chapter and then take a break. It would be nice to have about a week to think about it with a clear mind. It’s so exhausting, really. I feel like I know where this is all headed in the end, but the creators have been dragging things out so slowly. Even with the Aqukana storyline, I got so tired with how they handled it that I took a break from reading it last year…

The story hands you the key. It even clearly shows you the door that the key can open. But then it puts up dozens of other doors next to it, meaningless ones. Even after giving you all the answers, it tries to confuse you. But you can see right through it. And while doing that, it points to each door saying, 'Isn't this door pretty~~~ How about that one?' constantly taunting you along. All while it's them that's given you the key already in the first place.

It’s really frustrating… I’m so tired. If I couldn’t see anything, I’d just watch while grumbling or be like, 'Oh…' and keep my distance without overthinking it. But it’s suffocating and frustrating not knowing why they’re doing such pointless things, and it makes me anxious too…

Well… I could just take a break, but… I really like Ai. And when I look at the man she loved, I feel like he could actually be a really good character too, so I watch carefully… There’s a lot to dig into. It would be nice to shift the focus onto the other characters, too, but…

Seriously, nothing’s been properly resolved, has it? They’ve been dragging it out for ages. The characters keep doing crazy things. You can’t end a story like this. It’s just… they're not writing well, but they’re doing it on purpose. This manga is like that; the creators enjoy twisting things, and I should just enjoy that too, but I don't think I do. I just want to use the key and go through the door; I’m not interested in looking at the various door knobs. I wish they’d just stop now. I feel like I know what’s going on. That’s why I’m here to draw fan art. I get so up and down every week, but if the outcome isn’t what I’m thinking, I have no idea what it could be, and I don’t think it would make for a good story at all. I’m not saying it has to go the way I want for it to be a good story! It’s just… if it doesn’t, it feels like the message will completely collapse. It’s not about the couple… Even if the characters die, as long as the story is good, that’s fine, but the framework has to hold up!

About Kamiki's state,

his trauma and the dire-ness of his mentality is probably even more serious than Aqua’s, right? And I actually got that right too.

They said they only felt alive when they were with Ai. That means, in essence, they’re as good as dead now. But if they still want to keep living in that state, it means there was something they believed they had to do.

That’s likely related to the wishes mentioned in Mephisto and Fatal.

‘I want to see you. I want your life to return.’ (Mephisto)

‘I want to get closer to you. I want to receive your love again.’ (Fatal)

'For that, I can do anything. I can even offer my life. I can sacrifice anything. What more do I need to use?' <(Common themes in both songs)

In short, it’s all about 'I want to see you.'"

The "you" here refers to Ai.

That’s what it is.

Well… when you think about it, what Kamiki is doing now is essentially that. His underlying wish was that, but the way he’s going about it has become completely twisted. I don’t think he developed this kind of logic on his own. He’s been influenced or possessed by something. Because he was never someone who could hurt others.

This character didn't harm Ai… I truly believe he wouldn't have hurt her. Everything he’s doing now, in his own way, is probably for Ai. It’s just that he’s gone mad.

And thus, you can infer he's in such a serious condition, yet it hasn’t been highlighted at all.

They made his past so tragic and horrifying (I try to thoroughly analyze the character's psychological state; as I mentioned before, I try to sync up with their emotions…), and yet, with this character, there are parts I just can’t dive into because it’s too overwhelming. It’s plainly obvious. He’s not in his right mind right now. He’s too depressed and tormented to be alive.

Think about it, he’s been through extremely serious things since he was at least ten years old, maybe even younger… Just thinking about it makes me… I once considered exploring this, incorporating to my works, but I simply couldn’t. I really couldn’t… it’s too horrifying!

If the author had written him in a way where he turned into a serial killer because he developed a hatred for women or something like that, I wouldn’t have been able to forgive it. Even though I haven’t experienced such things, I feel I know enough of it to say that would be too shallow, convenient, and disrespectful. That’s really not how you handle such material. It’s beyond lazy—it's irresponsible. But I didn’t think it would go that way.

Whether this character ends up being revealed as the ultimate villain or not, if they’ve created a character like this and don’t address it properly, it’s not respectful to the character. It’s too much…

But I believe that the creators have a certain affection for what they’ve created, so I trust they’ll handle it. I just… want to see it handled properly. I think the delay is because they couldn’t fully express it while the anime was airing. They keep taking breaks and adjusting their pace; part of it might be due to the creators’ conditions, but I think they might have deliberately delayed introducing new content to match the anime’s schedule.

Honestly, I got into this because I knew. I realized, "Ah, this is what this character is going through."

He really liked Ai. It was set up in a way that he had no other choice but to become that way.

Other characters have their own core identity, right? Even if you strip away all their relationships with other characters, they have something of their own.

But when you look at this character, from the planning stage, everything was set to align with Ai, and without Ai, the character itself wouldn’t exist…;; He just collapses. Like in the lyrics, "I can’t live without Ai." The only consolation is that Ai truly did love him back… It’s like, the creators made this character specifically as a match for Ai, you know?

When you create a character like that, it’s only right to handle it in a way that makes that visible.

About his relationship with Ai… it’s not like I just think they look good together or something… It’s more like, when you look at the story and the way the characters are built, it’s obvious that they were made that way!!!

But even in the current situation and how ugly it is, there's one reason I think Ai made a good choice in picking him as her husband. She picked a extremely handsome guy and passed down superior looks to their kids haha. When you look at him, it doesn't make it seem like Ai is way out of his league in terms of looks, does it? She met someone who matched her well and dated him, that’s how it feels. I’m pretty sure they’re really gods, you know? They’re like the god of entertainment and the god of light. Their story is just too similar… they resemble each other so much… If you look at mythology, Ame-no-Uzume’s husband just fell for her at first sight, got swept along, married her, and they even shared a shrine, living happily together… Ame-no-Uzume just barged into his domain, made herself at home, and they got together right away. That god really married well. He ruled over not just one or two domains, but was a supreme indigenous deity and was considered just and noble… It’s like, “Oh, I like this one,” and she picked him like that. And judging by the drawings, Ame-no-Uzume was really beautiful… She was incredibly cute… I was so happy looking at that mythology. They bless the couple’s fate and marriage because they’re satisfied and happy with each other. People even make masks of the two gods and wear them together during festivals.

Look, if I’m a romance writer and I want to write something related to the entertainment industry, and I borrow mythology, and I know this couple's mythology? And then I write a story like this? Well… from my perspective, Kamiki is a mad god who went crazy after losing his wife. He genuinely loved Ai. Look at his expression in chapter 162. It’s the same as in chapter 153. He loved her that much, and on top of that, she was his savior, his lover, and even the mother of his child, raising them risking everything she's got. He believes she died because of his mistake—so what would he do? He might have thought about following her in death but couldn’t, so he thought, "If I do something, maybe Ai will come back." And when that didn’t work, he just ended up desperately wanting to see Ai again… I think that’s what drove him mad. I don’t think he’s in his right mind. He’s totally lost it. I mean, who could stay sane after losing someone like that for over a decade?

It’s not like the readers should have to guess why he’s fallen apart like this, right? It’s time for the story to show us. I’m really struggling with this—making deductions, writing, drawing—and every time a new chapter is released, people come to me, feeling sad or offering comfort. Seriously, I’m fine! isn’t it? Aren’t the creators romance writers? How could they not cover this? It’s not just about the couple—this is such rich material, and not using it would be a waste, don’t you think? And it doesn’t make sense… Why would they write it so that Ai loved someone truly strange? It’s not like that. Ugh, seriously.

As I always say, it’s not my work, so I could be completely wrong.

Still… it just feels like such a waste. Not using this? Not doing this?

I think all the clues are there… They’re doing this on purpose. Just wait and see. I’m not called the Prophet-type for nothing (INFJ)? When it comes to things like this, my intuition isn’t that bad. There are a lot of things I’ve figured out as soon as I saw them.

What’s frustrating about this manga is that if the plot progression itself is confusing, that’s fine as a mystery element.

But here, they give you all the answers, then pretend they haven’t, dragging things out while playing dumb. That really makes me go, “What are they doing?” It’s like they show all the answers and then, without reason, go off on a tangent. It’s like entering the destination into a navigation system, knowing where you’re supposed to go, but steering the car in the opposite direction for three hours.

Then, they turn around like nothing happened and head towards the destination. It’s pointless. If you don’t know the destination from the start, there’s a thrill as you go. But this just looks like foolishness. It’s like, eventually, it’ll come to this conclusion, but the story gives you the answer upfront and then insists, "Actually, no~" and lies about it. I don’t think it’s a very good method. It’s tiring…

Maybe it works in a volume format, but reading it as it’s released makes you wonder, "What’s even going on here?"

Haha, I came into this with confidence. At this point, there’s quite a bit that’s built up.

When I think about it, I’ve gotten all the critical parts right. Look at the expressions Kamiki makes when he looks at Ai. Does he look like someone who would order Ryosuke to kill Ai just because she rejected him?

This guy just can’t come to his senses after Ai’s death. He’s been doing everything he could just to see Ai again.

And if you’re still confused, the answer is always in Ai’s video message.

Would Ai, of all people, say she wanted to live forever with someone who ordered her death? That’s not how you write that story. The answer was already there, so I don’t know what this manga is doing.

That's why I'm not worried about Aqua right now! I'm mad! LOL. Hey, your dad definitely loved your mom more than anyone else in the entire world. He loved her more than his own life. Well, maybe you put Ruby first… But seriously, is he really so crazy that he tried to kill Ruby just to save Ai?!

But if that's the case, then it means he's not in his right mind, so he needs an exorcism…;;

How could Aqua not understand what kind of person his dad is, even after playing him as his role? Why can't he get a sense of it? Why didn't he listen, and instead tried to drown him in the ocean? Why did he do that? Is he really that evil? Am I missing something? Why are you like this? I can’t sympathize with it—was that really the only way? It doesn’t look that way to me. This is like a parade of fools, seriously. Did I completely miss the mark? Am I really wrong? Did I get everything wrong, and did I fail to see it properly? Then why does Ai’s video message say what it does?

Aqua, please get a grip. And Kamiki is out of his mind. He needs to go to a hospital. Seriously. What is all this?

That's all.

[lilacs-world]

I feel like I’m chronically not okay but idk if I’m valid enough to label myself as chronically ill. I am able to work 40h a week but with the cost of laying in bed the rest of the day when I’m back home. In the weekends I sleep mostly. My room is a disaster because I never have the energy to tackle the chaos. I wished I was able to walk to work and back but standing for more than 15 min is already exhausting me and I get dizzy and lightheaded. I am constantly in pain, my normal pain level is on good days at a 2 on bad days it’s at a 4 or 5 but maybe I’m too modest about my pain due to fear of admitting I’m not okay. I am always tired even if I sleep usually enough. At times I feel more refreshed with only 4 hours of sleep hell knows why. I am waking up daily at 5:45am to get myself ready for 8am work. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be a functioning adult. I am scared of the moment I will unmask bcs im masking daily due to Audhd. Plus daily I’m confused because we are often switching and my quality at work at times fluctuating and my TLs wondering wtf bcs we know u know all the processes so wtf. Daily I feel like I know only a specific part of the processes and I have days where I ask so many questions that one of the TLs told me they are growing gray hairs bcs of me asking so much. The doctors in my country are shit when I mentioned suspecting we are a system they said nah it’s just ur anxiety. When I questioned if I have adhd my former psych said nah only kids can have it. My former therapist said yeah after unofficially diagnosing me with it. Autism I suspect that too and I got my confirmation more or less from my bf who’s on the spectrum as well. He got his confirmation he has adhd as well by me noticing lots of adhd things in him and he has now meds whilst me is in this godforsaken country that isn’t taking me seriously. I got my confirmation I have adhd when I took speed and realised for the first time "so this is how neurotypicals experience their life?" I for once had a train of thoughts in order and not a carambolage of luggage’s getting stuck in the baggage claim belt. I sobbed so hard. On good days I am able to remember and memorise lots of shit. But on bad days I barely anything. My body is out of control. I have pcos and it’s ravaging my body. I grow hair on my chin and arms and it’s making me uncomfortable and I developed anxiety about having hair in my face to the point over pluck and over shave it. My period is out of control. I either bleed for 2 months consecutive or I don’t have my period for 6 months. I am anemic due to it. I am such a pale human that I’m constantly being asked if I am okay. Oh yeah not to forget having an autoimmune disease since I am 2 years old. Having to deal with psoriasis break outs each winter where I end up being covered on my legs, arms , ass with skin patches of psoriasis. At times it’s even in my eyebrows and on my scalp. Each winter is a torture for me. I am battling with depression as well. Luckily this last year it wasn’t so overbearing and I felt more human than I used to in the past. Nonetheless my anxiety is ravaging and leaving me crippled daily. I sound ridiculous talking about myself rn bcs in my brain I feel like you aren’t this sick or unwell you are faking this you are a horrible human for saying all this things but I know it’s probably my internal ableism and the internal critical subconsciously developed voices of my surroundings telling me I’m not actually sick and I need to go to work even if sick etc. Sigh. Idk where I wanted to go with this whole post. I know you guys don’t see often a personal post from me or posts from me and more reblogs of stuff I enjoy seeing and stuff I wanna boost and stuff I find important or relatable or stuff that I think might make someone feel better and less anxious or feel seen. I hope this is fine. I hope being more real is helpful. Maybe I should do this rambling on my other blog @unfilteredrealities where I tried to talk about life in a real way , unfiltered. You can even send in your own submissions if u want to.

Anyway thanks for reading my ted talk.

TLDR: I don’t know if I’m actually chronically ill and if I’m valid enough to label myself as that and then I rambled about my life experiences with audhd, did, anxiety, depression, pcos, psoriasis and there are more but I’m exhausted.

[gonsobomb]

I don’t understand a lot of peoples’ grievances with Jack Perry. I think he’s perfectly serviceable, definitely not this over-pushed nepo-baby who doesn’t deserve to be where he’s at. My guess would be it’s hold out anger from brawl out which isn’t helped by the scapegoat character just being a constant reminder of it. This isn’t me saying I hate the scapegoat either I actually really dig it but saddling him with a gimmick whose only purpose is to remind us of what happened further damages his relationship to the fans. Same with having him join the elite. I think Darby made reference to it even before their recent feud that jack got the job bc he was friends with the bucks, being socal natives and all. But we never saw that materially on screen until they brought him back in and that just leads back again to the punk stuff. Would Perry be in the elite rn if not for brawl out? I don’t think so. But I wanna share some ideas I have as to where I’d have taken the scapegoat.

So I’m not rewriting history here so much as changing the handling of events. Brawl out still happens and Perry is still sidelined. He rocks up in New Japan as the scapegoat and rips up the contract. Hell you’d still have the bucks bring him back in as a wink and nudge bc that’s what they do they like to push buttons. But I wouldn’t have him join the elite. The current elite aesthetic with the bucks and okada wearing suits clashes way too hard with the scapegoat aesthetic which is honestly my biggest problem with all of it lmao. Have the bucks bring him in and say “hey pal you owe us one.” You can still do anarchy in the arena and blood and guts that way. He’s friendly but not a member.

So this is where we go a different way. Go full Raven. I think he comes in talking about sacrifice like he does now. But that’s all he does is talk about it; make him show it. Have him go up to the jobber regulars and talk about how he was down and out once too. Give them a pat on the back and tell them that before everything big you have to sacrifice something. Nonsense stuff but that’s okay bc it works and gets them on his side. Just scrolling through the roster you could give him Aaron Solo, Kip Sabian, and fuck it idk Griff Garrison. Guys who haven’t amounted to much and they help him win the tnt title. Hell I think Perry and Anna Jay are still dating throw her in there too like Raven had Beulah. Call them The Herd or something lmao. And just have him be a prick. He can make his little movies it’d be great. And eventually one of them, probably Kip, can get tired of the abuse and turn on him and win the belt eventually and boom you got another guy outta it instead of whatever the fucking daddy issues thing he’s doing with Christian is. Plus the box head thing kinda fits in with the scapegoat if you wanted it I think you could make it work. And how good would it be to have this wealthy nepo baby pretending to be this grungy cult leader guy idk I’d love it I think there would be lots to play with there

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

hii! im kinda having a hard time rn so i wanted to request a marilyn x fem reader. they are gfs and both work at nevermore. the reader is having a hard time with some stuff and marilyn starts to notice over a couple of days (at the house and at the school). marilyn sits the reader down and tries to talk with them but the reader just says they’re “fine”.

a couple days later while they are doing their routine before work and the reader starts breaking down into tears and explains to marilyn how they are feeling. (a lot of fluff/marilyn going full protective mode)

Yess!!! Since I've read you're not okay, I decided to give priority to your request. Look, I don't know what are the problems you're having, but you have to know that everything always is gonna be all right. I suffered a lot of problems when I was at school years ago, and those days were the worst of my life.

But now I'm a new person, and I don't care what other people thinks about me. I know I can't do nothing to cheer you up, all I can do is to write this for you, and to let you to know that here is a friend to listen to you if you want to talk to someone!! Be strong and love yourself, it's the only way to happiness :)

Every little thing, gonna be all right

Pairing: Marilyn Thornhill x Fem, Teacher! Reader

Warnings: Angst, hurt & comfort, mentions of depression

Word count: 2,254

Summary: You’re having a hard time, and there is no one who could cheer you up, or so you thought

N/A: Requests are open!!! Sorry about the delays, I’m working hard on your requests. I love you all!!! Sorry about the language mistakes, and please, be happy, life is wonderful!!!

The beep of the alarm clock brought you out of one of your anguishing nightmares. Normally you had no problem getting up, but for a few days, it was more difficult than ever. You turned off that horrible sound with a sudden blow and looked at the ceiling with a blank look.

“Another shitty day…” You whispered in a low voice.

Next to you, your girlfriend moved as she did every morning, hugging you half asleep.

“Good morning… (Y/N),” she said with her voice still asleep.

You hugged her to your chest.

Marilyn wasn't the problem. There was really nothing wrong with your life. You had a job, a house, a perfect girlfriend. Anyone looking at your life from the outside could be envious. That wasn't what made you wake up tired, sad.

It was some kind of transitory phase, or so you thought. Stress was also to blame. It was exam time and you had a lot of work. You stayed up very late correcting and that also led to a terrible lack of sleep.

You were depressed, listless, but you couldn't show it, not in front of her. Marilyn was so kind and so protective that she would surely call Larissa to tell her that you couldn't go to work, that you needed her care and words of encouragement. You probably needed them, but you didn't want to admit it.

It was enough that you were like this. You didn't want your girlfriend to suffer. She was too empathetic and you didn't want to give her a hard time. You decided to hide.

“Good morning, Mari,” you said, feigning a happier tone. She snuggled closer to you with a warm smile.

“I don't want to go to work…” She whispered childishly. “I want to stay here with you.”

If it wasn't for her, you'd be completely lost. Her words were the only thing that kept you tied to reality. Without her you would have gone completely crazy.

A thunder was heard outside. The weather was not helping your spirit. It hadn't stopped raining for three days, and that could depress even Marilyn, who always seemed like the happiest person in the world.

The idea of getting out of work was tempting, but you shook your head, noticing how the redhead fell asleep again.

“Come on, lazy girl. Larissa is going to kill us if we're late again,” you said, shaking her gently. She made a groan of protest as you pulled back the covers and looked up at you with a tired look.

“Lately we've never been late…” She sighed, sitting up on the bed. You were taking off your pajamas to get into the shower and you looked at her with some embarrassment. She was right. Normally your love made you lose track of time in the mornings. You've already been reprimanded several times for being more than an hour late.

But not anymore. You hadn't made love for days. You knew Marilyn didn't want to bring it up. Your tiredness was very evident in your eyes. You felt guilty, worthless for not being able to give your girlfriend all the love you had for her. That conversation would come soon, but you tried to make it as late as possible.

“I know, there's a lot of work and…” You started to excuse yourself, taking off your pajama shirt. Marilyn smiled warmly at you, and she hugged you from behind, kissing your now bare shoulder.

“Calm down, (Y/N). It wasn't a reproach...” She whispered to you, giving you a pat on the back. “Just an observation,” she teased, winking at you.

You made a superhuman effort to smile back as you went into the bathroom. A hot shower would certainly do you good, but you can’t have good luck even with that.

“Ahhh! Damn!” You yelled, feeling a jet of icy water on your body. Marilyn ran in.

“My God, what's wrong?” The redhead asked, stunned by your abrupt reaction.

“The, the hot water…” You stammered. “It, it doesn't work…” Your words trailed off at the same time that the water began to heat up.

Marilyn shook her head and gave a slightly wary smile.

“(Y/N), you have to wait a while, you know…” She told you, incredulous by your reaction.

You were angry. Angry for making a fool of yourself, for feeling frustrated and for not being able to vent. You would never think of paying for it with her. It wasn't her fault, no one was.

Things were as always. A hot shower with your girlfriend, a quick breakfast, and a horrible cold when you leave the house.

“Let's go in my car today,” you said, pressing the keys’ button. Marilyn nodded, but when she turned her gaze, her face changed.

“Umm, (Y/N)…” she said shyly, nodding towards the vehicle.

“What?” You asked, opening the door. The rain was starting to wear off your patience. Marilyn only pointed to one of the wheels. “Oh, no”

It was punctured. Definitely everything around you seemed to be against you. You snorted and leaned your head against the vehicle.

“Surely it was the other day branch. I told you we should have taken a better look,” The redhead said, putting a hand on your back.

You pursed your lips and stepped away from the car. You had to make a great effort not to answer rudely or abruptly.

“Yeah, I've noticed, thanks,” you said with your voice a little wrapped in anger.

The road to Nevermore was as boring as ever. Whenever you weren't driving, you were the DJ, playing upbeat and uplifting music to start the day off right. Not that day, you only listened to the local radio station.

“(Y/N), are you alright? Normally I have to fight with you to turn down the music,” Marilyn asked you.

You looked at her briefly and then put your head back on your hand.

“My head hurts,” you lied, although the lie was even worse.

“Don't worry, when we arrive we'll ask the nurse for an aspirin and…”

“No, no, no. I'll pass. It must be the pressure change due to the storm...”

There was no further conversation and you were grateful that it was so. You didn't want to speak badly to her, she didn't deserve it. She gave everything for you, always, and you used to do the same. You used to.

The classes were bad. Your patience was running low, and you didn't feel like joking like you used to. You were abrupt, sulking, not wanting to put up with the whispers of the kids. Naturally they noticed and kept silent, looking at you almost fearfully.

The bell rang and you felt a certain release.

“Go away...” You sighed, letting yourself fall into the chair. The students looked at you strangely, surely wondering where their usual teacher was, the one who always joked when explaining a writer’s life.

It was too late for lunch and too early to dinner. You pulled out a file cabinet full of overdue papers and began to read them, angrily pulling out your red marker. There was going to be a lot of bad results.  

“Stupid, stupid!” You said furiously, putting a huge X on one of the jobs. “It's not Marie Curie, it's Mary Shelley, you idiot!”

“(Y/N), don't be so hard on them, they do what they can,” the redhead told you, leaning on the door.

You shook your head and closed your eyes, trying to stay calm.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, noticing how hard it was for you to move your muscles to fake a smile.

“You haven't come for lunch, I assumed you were busy,” she said bending down to give you a kiss. “Oh, I almost forgot, here.”

Marilyn reached into her pocket and offered you what looked like one of your favorite candy bars.

“Thank you Marilyn, you're always taking care of me…” You sighed, taking the appetizer and looking at it melancholy. The redhead bent down and she kissed you again, but this time she didn't pull away, she just stared at you, as if she was examining your expression.

“Honey, lately you've been a bit... Apathetic. Excuse me but I think something is wrong with you,” she told you, caressing your cheek.

Nothing went unnoticed by her. You shook your head, feeling a familiar ache in your throat and the sensation of blurry vision.

“N, no… I'm fine, Mari, just a little tired,” you said, praying that the tears weren't too evident in your eyes.

“Sweetie… If something happens to you, all you have to do is…”

“I'm fine, Marilyn, really. I'm sorry, but I'm kind of busy and…”

Your girlfriend's look turned sad, disappointed, but she nodded and walked out the door without saying a word.

You couldn't feel worse.

The rest of the day was boring. Marilyn came to see you a couple of times, and you to her, but barely speaking. You only looked into space with a lost look, noticing how the gray clouds in the sky were a faithful reflection of your feelings.

The next day…

That thunderous beeping again. That beep that brought you back to reality. The routine was slowly killing you.

When you opened your eyes you didn't even feel like complaining or saying a bad word. You just got out of bed, not letting Marilyn hold you. You walked towards the kitchen as if you were a zombie, an automaton condemned to do the same thing over and over again. You started the coffee maker and you stayed contemplating how the coffee was coming out.

“(Y/N), you woke up early…” A sleepy Marilyn said, walking towards you and hugging you from behind, kissing your shoulder like every day.

“I wanted to make coffee…” You said resignedly, taking two cups from the cupboard. “Do you want some?”

“Of course,” she told you happily, sitting on the stool.

You ate breakfast in silence. Marilyn seemed just as happy as ever, but you were staring at the mesmerized counter and its design marks.

“I've been thinking…” Marilyn said as she got dressed. You were sitting on the bed and you looked at her slowly, coming out of your dark world of sadness and desolation. We could go on vacation in two weeks. “You know... Just you and me, with no Nevermore, no students or exams.”

You nodded with a slight smile. You still had the towel wrapped around your body. Your clothes for that day were on top of a chair, but something prevented you from taking them. Maybe it was the weather.

“I have thought about Florida. Also, we can go to see alligators, I know you like them.”

You couldn't take it anymore. The tears that were forming in your eyes finally found their way down your cheeks. It was a lot of pressure kept for many days. At some point they had to get out.

Marilyn turned around and her face changed completely. She ran towards you and crouched looking at you concerned, grabbing your hand.

“My girl… If you don't like Florida we can go to another…”

“No, it's not that, Mari…” You sobbed, grabbing her hand tightly. “I lied to you, Marilyn.”

“What?” She asked scared.

“Yes, something is wrong with me, I just, I just don't know what it is...”

“My love... Why didn't you tell me?”

“I didn't know what to tell you... I don't know what's wrong with me...” You said broken into tears. Marilyn sat next to you on the bed and wiped away your tears.

“Try it, honey… I want to help you,” she told you softly. You shook your head and took a breath.

“I feel submerged in a gray and routine world. Everything is stressful. The classes, the exams. I feel as if I were in a hamster wheel, rolling over and over again,” you explained in the best way that your tears allowed.

“That's normal, honey, it happens to a lot of people…” She told you, holding your other hand.

“I Don't know. I don't feel like anything…” You kept crying, being unable to stop yourself.

“My poor girl…” She whispered, pulling you towards her. “Come here, let me give you some love...”

Gently, Marilyn cradled you in her arms. Your tears wouldn't stop coming, but it was comforting to let them go. You had been holding them back for a long time. You didn't know exactly what the reasons were, but little by little you began to feel better, feeling safe as she slowly cooed to you. The silence was broken by a soft hum.

“Mmmm, don't worry… about a thing…” She sang softly. Her voice was so soft that it made your heart beat faster. “Come on, you know the lyrics...”

“Cause…Every Little thing…Gonna be all right…” You sang with a broken voice…

You stayed that way for a moment, singing softly as you swayed.

It was hard to believe, but you felt much better. She was everything you could want. Sometimes you doubted that she was normi. She had the power to paint the grayest things in many colors, to make the sun rise in the cloudiest and stormiest sky.

“Marilyn…” You said, wiping away what was left of your tears.

“Hmm?”

“I would really like to go on vacation with you… Wherever you want…”

The redhead smiled and she kissed you on the lips, probably sensing the salty taste of your tears.

“I love you, (Y/N)…” “Me too Mari… Me too…”

[shortnsweetgf]

i feel you may be getting more than you bargained for

im poly btw. t4t etc etc etc whatever. anyways. up until yesterday i had two gf’s, one who was ldr and the other who’s my roommate’s sister. literally broke up with the first one last night bc poly stuff wasn’t working for her which is hence why i asked this other person to make me a drink, and she knows why bc she went how are youuuu and i was so tired and i’m like hm. i don’t know her well enough to be honest and thought about it for way too long so i was just silent for like a minute and then laughed and went im fineeee and she was like THAT was a response. n then i was blushing bc fuck she’s CUTE. like damn im over here trying to be normal. the amount of times i’ve sat in this kitchen looking at someone with heart eyes while my roommate is semi oblivious is embarrassing. anyways. like i said. best behavior. im leaving them be. plus i have work tomorrow

housing situation is a whole mess of its own but, my roommate’s sister isn’t *actually* his sister, she’s found family but they consider each other that. when i first met her she was wearing like tight leggings and a crop top and i was trying so so hard but i was looking and she said since seeing me she had already decided she’d be down if i was. roommate had a bday party and we ended up talking more and cuddling and yeahhhh. it was pretty great tbh. she’s so sos so so so cool (she’s also like 8 years older than me but that’s besides the point) and so nice and she drives a lime green motorcycle and i’ve ridden on the back of it and tbh it wasn’t as scary as i thought it was gonna be! i trust her. anyways she’s picking me up from work tomorrow and we’re going to this arcade bar that i’ve never been to with her friends and i’m nervous bc i haven’t met her friends, it is still a work night, night stuff isn’t always my scene and i still need to get my new loops. but anyways being with her is like hella new, like, maybe a little over a week and given things with the last person i told her i want to take things slow (ish) given how we started and it seems like we’re on the same page. so a lot going thru my head rn.

one, heartbreak bc literally last night and. OH FUCK. OH FICK FUCODJDJDJ okay. so. call me an asshole if u want but we broke up over text which is a whole thing and i apologized for it bc i should’ve waited. but she kept wanting like. like complete and total resolution and i didn’t want to lie to her. anyways i felt like i should resolve this more so i said we could call tn and i totally. fucking. forgot. gonna kms it’s way too late now, tf am i supposed to say to her. i was dreading that phone call but now i’m kicking myself im sitting here like half tipsy and a little giddy and FUCk

OH THIS GOT WILDER im not sober enough to know jow to answer yoh rn but good luck bestie i hope everything works out 😭

[mass-convergence]

A collarary to the advice of "they'll read it if they want to and they won't if they don't" is - they need to find it. People not reading your work is not a mark against its' quality, it's simply evidence that people haven't found it. As a published author myself I get it, it sucks when noone reads your work. It feels that you have put something out into the world and that it is being ignored. But it is not being actively ignored, it is not being judged as poor quality. It simply hasn't been found. Courage and patience. Don't be scared to send links to reviewers or people in other circles.

Sincerely - thank you.

Long, somewhat disorganized, ramble

It is frustrating, and part of this is my (admittedly ADHD related, though trying to blame it solely on that isn’t really getting the full picture) need for instant gratification and complete lack of patience in anything. And the general insecurity that if it doesn’t get some kind of recognition, positive or otherwise, that I’m just showing my whole ass to the world and people are being too polite to mention it. I also have issues with emotional regulation so it literally feels like someone’s squeezing my heart whenever I get into this state.

And I’ll be honest: I’m frustrated with people who have said they’ll read it or check it out and then never do. And I don’t feel like keeping on poking them and asking them if they are. Because I’ve gotten the “I’m sorry I’ve just been so busy” explanation about a hundred times now (only slightly exaggerating).

And I don’t want to call them liars because I’m an adult with a day job and a mountain of responsibilities that I’m only somewhat keeping up with. There’s plenty of stuff I want to watch or consume that I don’t have mental bandwidth to handle. I’ve read the first paragraph of Gideon the Ninth and I want to read more I just haven’t gotten a chance. Which also is lending to mental health issues but we do not have the time to unpack that rn.

This is something I’m passionate about and pouring my heart into and not even getting the bare minimum of support from people who purportedly said they’re interested is not really a fun spot to be in. (And I know one or two of my friends have been reading and I love you guys). My mom said she was gonna read it which is slightly terrifying because she’s not into queer fantasy but she’s also like unabashedly supportive and has been trying to get me to publish my writing and sell my art for goddamn ages. I’m not on the level of Tolkien or Pratchett or Gaiman (Martin you stay the fuck out of this) and I’m not trying to be them either. But I think I’m like decent.

And I guess I took some of the advice when I was writing fanfic that “well people who aren’t interested won’t read it so don’t worry about posting cringe” and extrapolated it to original fic. Which isn’t a 1:1 - people legitimately do not give a shit about other’s OCs unless they’re given a reason to care.

Side note: Partially the reason that while I could advertise this (and probably should) as a story lead by queer protags, two of whom are POCs, that doesn’t really tell you anything about them. Aside from representation. Admittedly: I’m not too great at self promo because I feel like I’m hyping me and my story telling ability way too much. Which is a self fulfilling prophecy when I inevitably don’t get any bites.

It’s a rough situation all around and frankly demotivating. Part of the reason I just didn’t post on Thursday because I was just so damn tired of posting and having to deal with the pain over and over again. I have a huge buffer of words and chapters and I’m frankly having a hard time deciding if I should keep posting them. I mean my last chapter didn’t get any notes except for the one reblog … which was my own fucking reblog onto this blog.

And I think I’ve come a long way from like not disparaging my own shit. I love my writing. I love my art. I just hate sharing it and not getting the same level of excitement I feel to tell a story I want to tell.

[polyrelatables]

Journal #18

I know it’s been awhile bt I’ve been focusing on myself, school and work. I’m working at Red Robin now I love it where I’m working the people are great ! Me and “him” are done for good, still stacking up bread to move out so we still live together rn so it’s still kinda hard but May 25th is the Last day that I’ll see him cause he’ll be on the road and by the time he comes back I’ll already be out of the house and into my new place.. he’s not going to know where I live. He still wants to be friends bt I told him that it’s hard for me to stay friends with him bc I’m in love with him bt I want him apart of my life still so I’m conflicted bc I know it’ll be better for me to love him from a distance, cause if I was to see him moving on with so many other girls than my heart would never heal. I just don’t understand how he can not love me in that way anymore after years if it’s just a couple months yea it’ll be easier but we have been through everything together. He’s seen me in the hospital I’ve seen him in the hospital, we’ve taken care of each other. He’s seen me and my most depressed episodes and I’ve seen him there and we’ve helped each other overcome them.. he’s helped me get away from my family’s abuse and I’ve helped him with his family’s neglecting. I’ve been his number one supporter with his music and future career he’s been my number one supporter with my schooling for counseling. Whenever he was low on money I paid for what needed to be taken care of and he would do same for me. We argued a lot bc he experienced partying later on in his life and he ended up partying and dancing with other girls so it hurt me.. but I explained to him that he can’t dance and flirt with other girls when you have a girl, you can go to parties with girls around go ahead just don’t go flirting and dancing with em that’s all. Then him and social media is a whole other thing. He goes and likes, comments and saves other girls pictures, videos and stories but he doesn’t do any of that on my account so I addressed it and he said it’s just social media and I explained to him that he is making me look stupid bc nowadays that’s how you get in relationships, it’s through social media I mean we got together off of social media so no it’s not “just social media” it’s cheating. All of his friends are single and living that life and he envy’s them but I don’t get it bc I let him go out ALL the time, I only say to check in with me if he’s going to be out past midnight, I don’t bother him when he’s out, I let him go with boys any time he wants, I don’t stop him from that or from hopping on the game, I let him have friends that girls as long as it’s platonic, I let him be free because I got tired of arguing about those subjects so I let him be, I take care of his family, I take care of his house, I provide him money when he’s broke to go out. I take care of his room, make sure it’s clean, make sure he has food, make sure his laundry is done. He fed marriage and a family into me and my head and now he doesn’t want any of that bc I’m still “too much” for him. So he didn’t want to stop anything involving other girls so I told him that we were done for good as much as it hurts. I’ve done everything for him, I dropped my own life to take care of him and make sure he was always good. I’m still in school and I’m working, I’m stacking up and I’m moving out because he doesn’t love me anymore and I don’t know what I did to make him not love me anymore he says it’s not me, he says it’s him, he thinks he doesn’t deserve me so he always keeps doing stuff that will push me away and this time after 8 years I’ve finally given up.. it just hurts so for now I’m done with relationships in general. If in the future and I mean far future I decide to love again.. I really hope that I can find someone who will stay and not stop loving me out of nowhere because I never wanna go through this again. 💯

[jtwritesstuff]

New Game+ - Chapter 1

This is my first commission story and first patreon reward for Joey! This is a look into the life of two teenage best friends, one with RARS and the other looking to support him the whole way,  I hope you all enjoy and as a preface, this will be a slower story to come out as it is patreon rewards, thus leading to some skipped months. If you want early access to all of my works, a vote in my monthly story poll and currently I still have two spots open for monthly comms, please check out my patreon! Starts at as low at 3$ a month for votes and early access! patreon.com/JTwritesstuff

__________________________________________________________

The alarm clock buzzed loudly in her room and the only other noise heard at such an early hour was a groan from an overly tired middle schooler rolling over to slap the alarm silent. Lily sat up with a sigh, first day back from spring break, but even worse, first day back without her best friend. Quinn and Lily had been friends since grade school, and were basically attached at the hip through thick and thin. They learned soccer, instruments, video games, everything together…but for the first time seemingly since kindergarten, they wouldn’t. They wouldn’t be riding the same bus, they wouldn’t talk about the few days they spent apart like they were years apart, nor would they be in the same classes they were in together just two weeks prior.

Lily had found out during spring break that Quinn had gotten what was coming to be known as the RARS virus, or Rapid Age Regression Syndrome. He was in the middle of regressing and was one of the youngest known people to get the virus, hence why she was up so early, to quickly hop on her computer before school and message him on Discord. She did just that, yawning and rubbing her eyes as the computer booted up before quickly clicking his name and typing: LRay12: Hey Quinn, you up? QtheQing: Yeah. LRay12: You okay? This hitting you as hard as me? QtheQing: Oh, I dunno, I mean just a week ago I was preparing the rough draft for a science paper, now I’m struggling to not wet the bed and none of my clothes fit, so what do you think Lily? LRay12: Sorry…I know this is hard on you too, harder even just…it’s weird…you’re not gonna be waiting at the bus stop or…at school at all, ya know? QtheQing: Yeah…sorry, just, didn’t sleep well, been anxious all night. LRay12: You need to go to bed then dingus, I may have to go to school but you aren’t even allowed out of your room rn. QtheQing: Believe me..I know… LRay12: Do…you want me to bring you some snacks? Maybe a few pops? QtheQing: If you could…mom’s cooking isn’t cutting it, especially with her being so stressed about my virus. LRay12: I’ll get stuff around and stop by before school, K? QtheQing: Alright, just use the pulley system, I’ll wait to grab it til you’re gone, just to be safe. LRay12: Alright…I’m sure we’d be fine, it’s like 10 feet though. QtheQing: I don’t wanna chance it, just ring the bell when you get here, okay? LRay12: Yeah, see you soon. And just like that she was back offline.

Quinn sat back in the chair that was now a size too big for him and sighed deeply. He was around 10 now he guessed, he’d been 14 just a week ago and he was slipping farther fast. He looked solemnly out his window, two weeks ago he’d been glad spring break was starting and was wishing it’d last longer, now he was wishing he could go to school just to get outside. He watched as lights flicked on across the neighborhood and all the while he was stuck in here, unsure if he was still contagious.

It wasn’t until he heard the footsteps of his older sister walking by the door that it really hit him that she was gonna leave too, head to school and live a normal life without him. He felt the tears welling up again, he couldn’t tell Lily that’s why he’d been up, but if she could see his bloodshot eyes she’d know, she always knew. Whether they were tears of sadness or of anger at what he’d lost, he didn’t know, all he knew was they were coming back, and it took all his willpower to shove them back down.

As he sat, staring at the now gray circle next to Lily’s discord name, he heard a knock at his door and sighed as he shakily answered back. “Yes…?” His mom pretty much shouted through the door, sounding as if she was across the hall “Breakfast is in front of your door hun! You can grab it-” Quinn cut her off and grumbled “In two minutes when everyone is out of the upstairs, we do this every day mom, I get it…” He sighed again and just curled up in his chair, he probably wouldn’t even eat today, given how  anxious he’d been all night and his mom just reinforcing just how scared she was to be around him just…made him feel awful.

He just sat there, counting down the seconds before going to grab the food, to at least appease his mother, opening the door was like opening a forbidden lock, seeing the rest of the house was so close, yet so far. He leaned down and grabbed his tray and brought it into the room, a pretty normal breakfast of bacon and eggs with orange juice this morning. He sighed, setting it on his bed and just staring at it, another sign of the outside world he wasn’t allowed in right now, and when he finally was…it would be all different.

He stood there for a while, just lost in thought and staring at the food as if it might magically fix him, when he was snapped back to reality by an all too familiar sound, a bell. He looked over, seeing the pulley system that’d been in his window for years creaking and moving. The bell had been put in as a “Hey! I’m sending something up!” kind of system, and right now, it was his access to the outside world. He walked over, making sure to stay away from the window as best as possible, not wanting Lily to see his diminished state. He watched as the bucket came up and felt his heart flutter as he saw a freshly made PB&J, something he loved but his mother vehemently kept out of the house as she counted it as junk food, along with red pop and a few odds and ends of snacks and candy.

He smiled and waved out of his window as he pulled everything in, hugging it close as if it might vanish at any second as he heard Lily call out “I’ll stop by later!” before he heard her leaving, her shoes running on the pavement. He pulled the PB&J out and felt like he might cry, even if it was something so simple, it made him soar to the moon with glee. He opened the sandwich and quickly started to eat, sitting with his back against the wall near the window. He sat and enjoyed the first thing that wasn’t his moms cooking in a week when he heard his Discord boop and got up to check it.

He opened discord, seeing a few messages from servers, but specifically one from Lily, he opened it:

LRay12: Hey, so people are asking where you are at the bus stop and on the bus…what do you want me to tell em?

QtheQing: I dunno…that I’m sick or something? Unless someone told em, no one should know I’m sick.

LRay12: Well your sister is on the bus, but she’s dead quiet like always so…I don’t think she did? 

QtheQing: She better not or I’ll cough on her in her sleep.

LRay12: Lmao, well, I’ll just…tell em you got super sick and had to take some time, then I’ll also tell em you’re like…super contagious and could get anyone sick.

QtheQing: Well…least one of those is true, I think.

LRay12: Want me to bring you anything after school? I have some cash my dad gave me for cleaning the kitchen, could maybe get us some mcdonalds or something…could always get you a happy meal.

QtheQing:...Really…

LRay12: What? I’m joking Quinn, you gotta lighten up a bit about this, or it’s gonna drive you crazy.

QtheQing: Kinda hard when soon enough I’ll barely be able to finish a happy meal.

LRay12: Sorry…look I’ll get you a burger or something and a shake, deal?

QtheQing: Deal…see you then…think I’m gonna try to nap.

LRay12: Sounds good, peace

QtheQing: Peace

Lily sighed as she put her phone into her lap, seeing the bus so lively and people acting like nothing was going on, while all she could think about was that kid she briefly saw in Quinn’s window, looking depressed and alone. She watched out the window as the town rolled by, this being the first time in years she didn’t have her best friend to talk about stuff with. It felt wrong, like she’d entered a different dimension and now for some reason, Quinn basically didn’t exist. It would probably only get weirder in school, one desk in each class constantly empty and everyone would act normal, or ask once before moving on.

The bus rode along, picking others up and Lily kept an unneededly sharp eye out for anyone else who might be missing. Not seeing anyone quite yet, though she was sure there had to be others, a sickness doesn’t just hit one kid and then stop. She sighed, wondering how dangerous it might be going to school right now, how many kids might be just at the beginning of their regression. As her mind drifted she felt the bus come to a stop in the bus line at the school and the door opened as everyone started to stand.

She slowly stood, gathering her backpack from the floor and shuffled out in the line of kids heading into the school, she noted that some were wearing masks today. Something must’ve gotten out about it going around the school, and she felt her anxiety spike a bit at that, just how many kids might have it, and was she one of them? She shook her head a bit, trying to calm her nerves as she walked to her locker, opening it quickly and putting her bag in before grabbing some books for her first two classes and quickly making her way to Algebra 2. 

The morning went pretty much normal as Lily noted other than Quinn, around 4 people from each class were missing as well, though she couldn’t be sure it was due to RARS or just a common cold going around. She made her way to lunch, this time trying to just see how many were missing from her class entirely, and while she didn’t know everyone…she had to guess it was close to 20. That was a lot, even for a common cold, she sat and ate, her mind running through the possibilities.

As she thought her mind drifted to the thought of her having the virus possibly, what that might be like…what it might do. She sat and thought about Quinn and how he was feeling, and if she had it, she’d be like that soon as well. Her thoughts also drifted in a positive direction though, maybe her and Quinn would be the same age again..maybe they’d be able to go to the same daycare or preschool…maybe they’d be able to have another go at being best friends. As she thought and the lunch bell rang, she started to realize something deep inside her, she almost…wanted that, to be with Quinn again, to be best friends again, and for it to be just them, as they’d always been, just smaller. 

She had to pull herself away from such a weird fantasy, blushing as she sighed, knowing it was probably just her brain looking for any way to try and keep things as normal as possible. She threw her tray out and shuffled to her study hall, bringing some books with her and of course, her phone. She spent the first half of study hall actually doing work and getting all her homework done before spending the second half doing research on RARS, seeing how contagious it was and what were some of the warning signs for it.

She found out quickly that about 9 out of ten people are immune, but those who aren’t can quickly catch it and once it’s caught, the regression starts within a few weeks of getting the virus. She sighed a bit, so not only was Quinn an unlucky 10 percent chance, she’s likely in the 90 percent who are immune, she’d have to watch her best friend regrow up and likely go separate ways soon enough. She kept looking to see what the age ranges were, finding out that people end up mostly between 2-5, with some outliers a few years younger or older, and a story about a boy who actually stopped at 15.

She scrolled and scrolled and the thing that stopped her was a discord notification from Quinn, she quickly opened it to see what he said.

QtheQing: Hey…just woke up, still getting younger, seems to happen faster when I sleep and of course, I need more as I get younger…

LRay12: I was looking stuff up during study hall…do you want the good or the bad news first?

QtheQing: I don’t know if there can be any bad news to make this situation worse, but I guess go for it.

LRay12: Well…from what I’ve read it looks like you’re gonna be a toddler around two at worst and a kindergartener around five at best.

QtheQing: …Okay so I was wrong, that’s awful, what’s the good news then…?

LRay12: Uh…well, the good news is someone only regressed like…11 years and got stuck at 15.

QtheQing: Lily…you realize 11 years for us is 4 years old right?

LRay12: …Look it’s just a hope that maybe you’ll stop at like…8 or something.

QtheQing: Yes because 8 is SOOOOO much better than 5, thanks, I can’t wait to be a weird third grader obsessed with…I dunno…FNAF or something.

LRay12: Hey! Don’t be dissing FNAF, we both had that phase, and were literally gonna go see the movie before all of this, so shush.

QtheQing: I guess…yeah it could be worse, could be like…an Ipad kid or something.

LRay12: That’s if you don’t just…keep your same personality dingus, which most people do, even if they’re full mental regressies.

QtheQing: And since when did you become the RARS queen of info?

LRay12:...Since I looked it up.

QtheQing: Ah yeah, cause Google never lies.

LRay12: Look, at least it’s something to hope for.

QtheQing: I suppose.

LRay12: Look…I just wanted to tell you that, I gotta go to social studies (Blegh) you try to rest so you stay old enough we can hang out still, got it? I’ll talk to you later when I come by with that burger for you.

Quinn sighed deeply as before he could even start typing his response, she was offline, he rubbed his eyes tiredly and sipped one of the red pops. He sat in just a pair of basketball shorts tied much too tight as he was roughly around nine currently. He could also feel his brain starting to be affected by the virus, it wasn’t terrible or scary just…odd, like a soft blanket being put over the stuff he wouldn’t know at this age, but if he thought real hard about it, he could access that knowledge again.

Unfortunately the regression was making him less and less interested in the stuff he’d normally watch and play and more interested in the stuff from this age. He’d only brought up FNAF to Lily because it was fresh on his mind, having caught himself watching an old playthrough of it with such excitement, he only came back out when the video ended and he realized just how fuzzy his head felt. 

Now he sat quietly, a bit nervous to do much as he wasn’t sure what it might do to him while in this state. He’d closed youtube and now just sat with some lofi playing from his spotify as he thought, trying to think of something that might help him jog his way out of this brain funk. He sighs a bit as his brain immediately jumps to minecraft, the first thing to excite him since watching a “scary” video, at least in that he could do some building or redstone or something rather than just sitting here letting his head run in circles.

He sat up and started the game up, picking a new world and starting to play, smiling a bit as he felt an odd sense of nostalgia. As if it was his first time opening the game even though he had well over hundreds of hours in it, with tons of worlds with many years of builds in them. He decided he was gonna make a treehouse in a jungle for this playthrough and spent most of the afternoon doing just that, working his way through the world, picking woods to build with and just enjoying his time.

He got so sucked into the game he didn’t even hear the handle of his door jiggle and rattle and by the time he did, his door was wide open. He yelped as he spun around, only to see Lily standing there, McDonalds in hand as she had a smile. “Heya Quinn!” She said, setting one of the bags with a strawberry shake next to him as he stared in awe. “H-How did you get in?! Why are you in here?! You realize how dangerous this is?!”

Lily just sat on his bed, pulling out some nuggets and starting to eat, dipping them into barbeque sauce, shrugging a bit. “I mean, I was looking stuff up, and like, if I’m not immune, I already have the sickness so, what’s it matter ya know?” She looked at him and smiled as he just stared, feeling his emotions welling up as this was the first human contact he’d had since he started regressing. She chuckled “You gonna say something? Or you just gonna-” She was cut off and let an oof out as Quinn jumped off his chair and ran over, hugging her. She smiled at him and chuckled as Quinn just hugged his best friend, realizing just how much she was risking, just to see him. He just chuckled and sniffled back tears of joy, letting out a soft “Thank you Lily….” She nodded and smiled, “Anything for you Quinn.” She patted his head and they sat, in silent realization, no matter what now, they were in this together.