#too hard rn i’m tired just from getting the stuff to work

[choccymilkblehhh]

they found an axolotl at wahoo would wowza

[jenosjarofjam]

Now, you're stuck with me forever

Alpha jeno x Omega fem!reader

-Rivals/enemies to lovers

Requested ✔️ @no-romance-for-me-please

Word count: 2k+word.

Warning: smut,abo stuff, a lot I mean a lot of slick, squirting, knotting, cussing, biting/marking, mention of scent, nicknames(princess, good girl, etc...)

An note! This is like my first one shot and abo so hopefully this is not too bad🤞.(I took some prompts idea from Tumblr.)I didn't really dive deep into the rival/enemies part.

Playlist: collide-Justine Skye, Best lover-BiBi

You took the same class with Jeno, both of you were the top 10 students in the whole uni. You vividly remember the first year you met Jeno, Jeno always sat next to you, taunting you when he got higher grades. On the other hand, you studied extra hard because of it, surprisingly Jeno still got a higher grade than you. This went on for months, until the professor decided to pair both of you up for a huge project, now you have no choice but work with him. You guys started texting each other, deadline of the project was approaching, you agreed on letting Jeno into your place to help on the project, another led to another, now he crashes into your place whenever he wants

9:34 a.m

Jeno: Can I come over I’m bored……

Y/n : Since when did you started asking?

Jeno:I’m just trying to be nice rn, I’ll bring you food.

Y/n:awwwwwwwwww are you showing affection to me rn?

Jeno: I want to wrap my hands around your throat, and choke you until the life in your eyes die down.

Y/n: kinky ;)

Jeno: stfu, u freak

Jeno was sitting on the couch, finalising the project while you ate your food. The presence of him was distracting you , you seem to be confused about the reason… but hey no one’s complaining when there’s free food.

You noticed the sun peeking through the curtains, sun ray hitting Jeno’s face, highlighting his features. He’s skin glowed under the sun, his eyes shimmered hazel, his nose- “Hey! Are you even listening to me?Hello? Earth to Y/n?” A voice abrupted your thoughts, you realised you have been unconsciously starring at him, your face blushed in embarrassment about being caught. “Were you starring at me?” He cocked his eyebrow in disbelief, “no- no way why would I be starring at you! You’re.. ugly.” Well that was a lie….. “You’re avoiding eye contac with me? Why’s that?” He grins in enjoyment watching you suffer. “No. NO why would I do that.” “Maybe because you’re into me?” He said poking fun at you. “ wha-what no no no…” “well, you’re looking at me like you want to murder me but also like…you want me.” He smirked, seeing your widened eyes. "*cough* umm I'm gonna go uhh get some water." You said, as you quickly walked to the kitchen. You let out a sigh, feeling like you lost your breathe just the moment before. You felt... feverish, oddly... horny.

You went back talking with Jeno, it still doesn't help the fact that you're thinking about getting pounded by a particular person. The uncomfortable stickiness between your thighs was borderline painful, you tried to ease the pain by crossing your legs...it didn't work. You spaced out looking into Jeno's eyes. "Hey... You should take a rest, you seem tired today," "Yeah..um yeah sorry I'll uh go to my room and get some rest, call me when you need anything." You responded, feeling the awkward tension in the room rise up. Little did you know, your scent was flaring up like crazy, the mix of raspberry jam and cherry blossom was putting off Jeno, the sweet smell of slick was oozing out of your panties, making it awfully hard for Jeno to keep his instincts and not to fuck you senselessly. You scurried off to your room, feeling overwhelmed to the brim. You started researching about random heats, trying to find the reason the sudden neediness. You came across an article about spontaneous heats.

Spontaneous heats-Though rare, there is a phenomenon called Spontaneous Heat, which is when an Omega goes into heat outside of their cycle. The rare cases where it happens include meeting one's perfect match (at which point both heat and rut begin almost immediately)

No way Lee Jeno was destined to be your mate, but you can’t deny he is dreadfully hot, but you definitely didn’t stand a chance to be with him.

All these mix signals are just throwing you over the edge.In spite of that, all you should be worrying right now is about the fact that you’re craving the feeling of Jeno’s dick sliding in and out of you.

You had to find a way to relief the pain, ignoring the fact Jeno is probably outside your room playing video games, you slipped your hand under your panties, stimulating your clit. You bite down on your pillow, trying to muffle your moans.

Jeno was standing outside your room, the scent of a sweet aroma slipping through the door crack is driving him insane. The sound of muffled moans , made it obvious you were touching yourself. The thought of marking you, letting everyone know you’re his. The desire to breed you, filling up your pussy with his cum. How pretty you’ll look when he fucks you until you’re senseless . He feels his body burning, blood rushing to his cock, he couldn’t get you off his mind the entire day, he was just craving to fuck you all day long . Jeno couldn’t hold it anymore, he knew damn way he wanted you, all the pretending was driving him mad.

As you were approaching your high, you closed your eyes and focused on the climax. Yougot so lost in the pleasure, you didn’t even notice that someone was standing in front of your doorway.

"Always so needy for me, having fun without me huh?" You quickly cover yourself, your face burned up in embarrassment, you stared at Jeno and his very prominent erection, the size of his bulge was huge , the sheer thought of it already makes you mouth water, you wondered how it’ll feel in your hand,or even in your tight pussy. “What you looking at?” Jeno interrupts your line of thoughts, but it doesn’t make it better. He's low raspy voice sends chills down your spine. He slowly walks to your bed, kneeling down and staring into your doe-eyes, you quickly turned your head away from his stare, he quickly leans closer, closer to the point you feel his breathe against yours " I asked you y/n, what are you looking at?”. Jeno realises how stupid this is, and pulls away, before you pull him by the collar, his lips crashes into yours, the hunger you both crave for each other is finally getting satisfied, his hands naturally went around your waist as he pulls you closer, goosebumps swarming every part of your body. He pulls away "do you want me to stop?” he asked, trying to reassure you wanted this. You hurriedly answered, longing for more “just the opposite, please” He pushes you on to the bed, now you’re under him.

“Submit yourself,” he demanded, “jeno-” “What did you call me?” he abruptly shouted, making you jolt from the unexpected behaviour. “I’m sorry, al-alpha.” he slowly pulled down your flimsy shorts along with your pink panties, the cold hands made you squirm away from his touch. He quickly put his hands on your hips and pull you in, “Let me take care of you, let me make you feel good, let me make you mine,” he whispers into your ears before he forcefully lifts your head up, now you’re staring at him. He’s eyes filled with lust, the dark orbs felt like they were burning holes in yours. He takes off his shirt, his toned abs, arms bulging with veins, looks just like a wet dream in sight. He spreads your legs further apart, slotting his head between your legs. He started licking your hole, not letting a single drop of slick going to waste, before adding two fingers into your leaking hole, slick dripping to his chin, his nose bumping onto your clit adding the extra sensation, making you moan like crazy. “Fuck, you taste so sweet, taste like mine,”he mumbled, the sound of slurping echoes in your ear, your hand naturally find its way down to his head, you grip firmly on his hair, tugging it slightly letting him know your getting close to your climax. The high he brought you was like shockswaves crashing into you, you arch your back gripping harder onto his hair, you let a breathy gasp as you came all over his face.

“I’m not done with you, yet." His eyes darkened as you reached your hands towards him, freeing his cock out of his confinement, it spring out hitting his abdomen. It was huge, far from the ones you've taken before. He slowly lift your legs up, pushing the tip in you, the stretch was painfully good, you unconsciously clenched around him making him groan, your slick coating his dick making it easier for him to fit. He gave you time to adjust to his length then he slowly thrusted into you. “Fuck- take it like a good omega that you are.” The new feeling of adrenaline came rushing in, your eyes rolled back when he hit the spot that made you see stars. He lets out a low breathy grunt , your creamy velvety walls sucking him in deeper, the tight fit making you feel every inch of him, every single veins dragging in and out of your pussy. He started thrusting in a merciless rhythm, he grabbed your jaw and kissed you roughly, his tongue swirled against yours, the passionate kiss turned into a messy make-out session. His warm lips taking over you, pussy gushing over his dick. "Alpha, I'm close-" you choked out "please, fill me up please.", you feel like time slowed, each thrust felt so sensitive, so good, you feel your vision blurring, the knot in your stomach snapped, you let a long lewd moan as you cum on Jeno's dick. Jeno kept thrusting, ignoring your whines. "Hmm, too much?? Too much for my omega? You were begging for it, you were begging me to fill you up right?? Good girl's keep their promises baby." The sensitivity was too much, you feel your eyes tearing up, you kept clenching on his girth, forming a creamy white ring around the base of his cock.

Jeno used his strength and flip you around, his big hands holding onto your hips, “ass up princess.” You obeyed, feeling a sharp slap on your butt, he swify pushes back in with a one quick thrust. "Plea-se knot- in me al-pha, please, wanna be full of your pups." You pleaded, the thought of being by each other's side everyday, carrying his child, was the best fucking dream ever. "Fuck- You want me to knock you up- huh? Such a slut, such a slut for me. Fuck I'm cumming." He grunted. Jeno grabbed your hair pulling it aside, exposing your bare neck and collarbones, Jeno put his nose on your neck, inhaling your sweet aroma. "Can I mark you- princess, wanna make you mine-" He asked, waiting to get a permission to forever mark you his. "Mark me please, alpha mark me!" Jeno licked the side of your neck, and bit down on it, he licked the blood that was oozing out of the mark. You screamed in pain, but the idea of being his was enough for you to bare the pain. Jeno kept thrusting in you, you feel like your were about to pass out, a new feeling rushed in, not like your typical orgasm. Your now breathy moans echoed the room along with the slapping sound of the skin, you screamed in pleasure as you squirted all over his abs. "S-shit , that was so hot, I'm so close princess." He growled, liquid dripping down your thighs. His thrusts became more sloppy, the raspy low grunts was starting to become smoky moans. You feel his dick twitched in you. He held you closer, gripping onto you harder. With a final push, his knot inflamed, hot white cum covering your walls, you whimpered from the knot's pain. The feeling was way too addictive that you can barely feel the pain now. Jeno lays on you for a few seconds, you can feel his warm breathe against your neck. It took a few seconds for him to recover from his orgasm, he finally broke the silence

"How are you feeling?" He asked genuinely, "Tired and confused...I thought you never liked me..." "Idiot, why would I not like you." "No shit Sherlock, you acted like you hated my guts." You argued

"Well now you're stuck with me forever."

[haveateadude]

bleak horizons iii.

summary *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ opening up it's not easy, isn't it?

warnings *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ depression, self-harm mention, and disordered eating (not explicitly mentioned but you can clearly see it's there)

author notes *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ helloooo welcome to part 3!!!!!! i think this might be the last part (if u have an idea on how this can continue feel free to tell me. u can send a request or just leave the idea in the comments). also just saying, this stuff is based on MY issues and experiences with mental health, so this might not be truthful to everyone. my insta is @/starsfinder_ if anyone wants to vent or just talk :))

remember you're not alone if you're going through a shitty moment, trust me!! ik everyone says to ask for help, and even if that's soo fucking true i know some people are not listened (even if that's literally a fucking RIGHT). so, as i said, you can dm me <33 take care of yourselves pleaseee. can't stress enough how much i want y'all to know you're not alone. hi. hello. i care!!!!!!!! and i'm here!!!!!! so please listen to me when i say everything's going to be alright :)) i love youuuuuu

also, sorry for any mistakes. i'm sooo tired rn lmao

pt1 — pt2 — pt3

I told you a lie, désolé, mon amour

I'm trying my best, don't know what's in store

The next week, I stepped out of therapy crying. I got into the car, slamming the door.

“Hey,” Ellie says softly, looking at me with her hands resting on the wheel, her gaze full of worry. “You okay?”

“Drive.”

“But—”

“Just drive.”

“Okay.”

Ellie starts driving. I wipe my tears, feeling overwhelmed. My mother had called yesterday and made me feel like shit. I wasn't doing my best at school. Ellie and I hadn't gone out since Christmas. So basically, everything was shit. I've also had urges to relapse, and they're just not going away.

I cry. Ellie drives. This is okay. It's okay. Except that it's not, and I haven't told my therapist anything about myself yet. My mother hasn't spoken to me in weeks, and my father sent a cat video on WhatsApp this morning. And Ellie’s knuckles are turning white from how hard she’s gripping the wheel, which makes my heart ache because I know she cares. It makes me want to tell her everything, but the words are stuck in my throat, and I can't seem to get them out.

We arrive at the apartment a couple of minutes later. Ellie doesn’t immediately open the doors, and I've calmed down enough to answer when she asks, “Baby? Are you feeling okay?”

I nod, looking away. The people that I see walking around look sad.

“I’m fine.”

“It’s okay if you’re not, though,” she says. I stay quiet, doubting it. Ellie nudges me with her elbow, looking for an answer. “Hey.”

“Yeah,” I say. “I know.”

Ellie pats me on the thigh before getting out of the car. I get out, too. I don't bother eating dinner that night; I just go straight to bed and fall asleep.

The next few days felt monotonous. I've fallen back into my sadness, the type that isn't bitter but sweet. It doesn't make me want to relapse. It makes me want to stay in bed more hours than I'd like, takes my appetite away, and leaves me feeling nothing but numbness.

I wake up, go to work, study, attend uni, come home, and sleep. The cycle repeats and repeats, and I'm so, so very tired.

Today, I took the day off. I knew I was too tired to do anything, so I planned to rot in bed. Ellie knocks on the door, but I don't answer. I hear the door creak open and the light from the living room creeping in.

"Hey," Ellie says, her voice coming from behind me. "Mind if I lay next to you?"

"It's fine," I say with a hoarse voice. I feel the bed sink at my side, and then Ellie is behind me, wrapping her arm around my torso and nuzzling her face into my neck, leaving a kiss right there. I feel cozy and comfortable. I don't know if this will last. I hope it does because it's a feeling I've never experienced before—someone comforting me? That has never happened.

"Do you want to talk about what's going on?" she asks. I stay quiet. "I care about you. I'm worried."

I do want to talk about it, but at the same time, I don't.

"I'm fine."

"You always say that… You haven't gotten out of bed since you came from work, and the frozen lasagna you were going to make for yourself last weekend has been in the fridge since then." She stays quiet for a second, her fingertips caressing my arm. "You're not doing fine, baby."

Millions of thoughts go through my head. Thoughts I don't say. I don't want her to leave; I don't want her to see how I feel.

"I'm trying, though." It's easy to say since Ellie isn't looking at my face directly. Tears threaten to spill from my eyes. I blink them away; I blink, blink, and blink again. Fast.

Ellie stays quiet, her breath tickling my neck. She kisses the back of my head again, her hand holding mine. I hold it to my chest. "I know. But you don't have to be alone in this."

That hits me like a truck. I wasn't expecting to be held by her, let alone her saying I don't have to be alone. A tear falls from my eye, landing on the pillow. I sniff, and Ellie holds me tighter, not saying anything. She tucks a strand of hair behind my ear with her free hand and kisses my temple.

"I'm sorry," I say, in a moment of pathetic weakness. She hugs me even closer.

"Hey, no. Don't apologize. C'mon, turn around."

I let go of her hand, turning around. Her left hand cups my face and she kisses my cheek, then my forehead, and then she kisses the tears that fall on my cheeks. When she pulls away, she gives me a small smile, "You're going to be okay."

She doesn't want you. She's your friend; she doesn't want you. She will fall in love with you, not your brain nor your scars, and when she finds out about the way you think, she'll leave.

I wake up on Ellie's chest, it feels good to be comforted, I've found. Her phone is on the nightstand, so I just reach it and look at the time. It's eight o'clock. I've fallen asleep for two hours. I try to make myself more comfortable on her chest, attempting not to wake her, but my movements fail and she stirs.

"Hey," she says, her voice still laced with sleep. "What time is it?"

"It's still night," I say, closing my eyes. "We slept for two hours.'

"Feeling better?" I feel comfortable enough to shake my head. "Do you want to talk about it? I told you, I'm worried. And don't bullshit me with the whole 'I'm fine' shit, yeah?"

I stay quiet as her thumb caresses my back, "Did I tell you why I'm going to therapy?" Ellie shakes her head. "Well—back home I had some… issues. Mental health stuff related. I kept going back to depressive episodes. And one day I just asked for help from my mom, because I—I just couldn't stop self harming."

"Baby," Ellie says, hugging me tighter and kissing the top of my head. "What happened? Did your mother react well?"

"Yeah. Surprisingly. I got help. Got better. Sometimes it comes back, and I still get urges sometimes, but I can control it. It isn't as bad as it was before. But lately, it's just—yeah."

"You don't do that anymore, do you?" She asks, worried.

"No," I shake my head. "Not anymore."

"And what about the urges, do you still get them?" I nod, slowly. Ellie plays with my hair. "And therapy? Is it helping?"

"I haven't told her anything, yet. I—I don't know, I can't talk about it."

"What if I go to the next session? If you're okay with that, of course. If you still don't feel comfortable we can look for another therapist or another way to get you help."

I hide my face in her chest when she says the last word. I don't know why I've been refusing to get help. I don't know why I don't like that word. I sigh as Ellie stops playing with my hair and begins rubbing my back.

"I think—I think I would like it if you go with me."

"Okay. Okay, then. I'll go." The room falls to silence again for a few seconds. I feel ashamed for telling her. "I'm sorry you have to go through this… I wish I could do more."

"You're doing more than enough," I assure her. It's my time to hug her tighter. "You’re the first person I’ve talked to about this."

"Yeah?" She seems surprised. "I'm glad you talked to me. I'm here for you if you need anything—I mean it. You just have to tell me, I will listen… You could've told me sooner."

"I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't apologize. I’m just saying, I'm here for you. I've been there for you, always. And… is there something I can do to help?"

"Just be there," I say. "That's enough."

"Mhm, I'll stay."

I think she wants you, a little voice in my head says. I think she loves you, and I don't think she'll ever leave.

Maybe I'll be okay, after all.

[cardboardheartss]

Hi! Could you elaborate on your post about Nicholas Alexander Chavez ? 😭 It made me laugh but I need to know more!

Have a nice day <3

Nicholas Chavez Short D1 Chart Analysis

disclaimer : this is for entertainment purposes only and i used tarot cards to get an estimate of his birth time… if you don’t agree with this technique please kindly scroll by and keep your twitter fingers to yourself!🌹💢

Before I begin, I just wanted to point out that I got beef with Virgos lol! Those people just tick me off for some odd reason, so that’s why the placements through me off!🤣

Anyways!!

Sure! I wanted to do a chart reading for him today but I was just too tired because I had done another customers chart reading today so I need to rest my brain lol!

So that’s why I just made a subtle post about it; but anyways here we go :

Just looking at the 1H placements, this guy is purely just here on earth to work, he is hardworking and a perfectionist. He may not say it on interviews but looking at this chart, this man really did his work on building his character for Lyle.

He studied this whole case HARD! Which is why he is able to perform his role so well!

Extremely smart guy! He is truly always at least 10 steps ahead.

Now… I’m sure you’ve heard of him not wanting to visit Lyle Menéndez, well that could be because of his ENTIRE Virgo 1H square His 7H (business, contracts and etc) Pisces placements. This prominent aspect does scream “Purely here to just work, nothing else!”

More aspects of his chart like :

12H Leo Sun Square 3H Scorpio Industria, this is another aspect that explains why he seems so off putting and serious in interviews, he seems to not enjoy interviews that much or just being active within the Hollywood scene… because of you know of what’s been exposed lately…

10H Gemini Moon Square 4H Sagittarius Jupiter, this aspect can indicate more of a separation of Public and Private life. He is aware of what to share and not what to share, so don’t expect him to be all jolly and expressive like Cooper lol!

I am aware of people on the socials going around and viewing Nicholas as rude and stuff but once again… looking at his chart;

12H Leo Sun Trine 4H Sagittarius Jupiter?! He is one fun person to be around, Nicholas has high discernment, he knows who he can have fun with and who he needs to work with. Nicholas is more outgoing and expressive around people close to him like family, his partners and friends, he values those the most and feels safest around them.

In summary… Nicholas is just here to work as mentioned by this tarot reader. He could view high levels of fame as quite a toxic thing that he truly despises with the entirety of his heart! Looking at his chart! Nicholas is just here to work and do what hes passionate about.

Looking at the amount of Cancer 11H placements (PoF, Lilith, Venus & Mars) is also a quadruple confirmation of how Nicholas is prone to attracting a lot of attention from Fan Boys and Girls. 11H Lilith Trine 7H Fama, it seems like the more sexy/mysterious roles or just roles that appeal to the female audience he does, he will continue to attract more attention, like A LOT of it.

Nicholas is 28 this year, meaning hes in his 5H Profection Year… here is his Profection chart (left) and his Transit Chart for the Profection Year (right).

The Transit 11H Libra in his 1H is just screaming RECOGNITION mainly for his visuals! All the 11H planets are currently square his Transit 5H Aries Rahu, this is more confirmation of how overwhelming this attention is to him. 12H Natal Sun Square Transit 1H Sagittarius Ascendant that’s in his Natal 3H, just screams the man just wants to be alone in a way. He kinda fears the attention that’s on him rn.

Well! That’s it for Nicholas for today! So I hope that his newly founded fandom will take some time to read this post and understand their new White Boy of the Months personality!

[yua-nism]

I saw your tags and I’m now very intrigued like what do you mean yuhan has the SHORTEST TRAGIC BACKSTORY?!?! JUST WHAT IS GOING ON?? like granted I should have known a game about devil cat butlers would have some angst and tragic backstories but god damn 😭😭

there was a miscalculation on my part and yuuhan's is in fact, not the one with the shortest backstory! however that's only because the others have yet to have their backstories be revealed. sorry for the late answer btw, exams have made me pretty tired.

ok so ill briefly explain a bit. this ties in to the requirement to become a devil butler that is, having felt so much despair that one feels like dying. normal people will be swallowed up by the devils they contract with. the despair essentially acts like chains for the devil. so to talk about their pasts in the Briefest Way Possible (lie):

miyaji has beef with lucas on the surface but really it's because he still can't get over the fact that lucas decided to save him from the verge of death instead of someone else he thought was more capable than him while lucas simply chose to save miyaji because he had higher chances of living.

lucas was basically a child prodigy/genius. since young, he's always loved reading books, and even read thick books that even adults struggled to understand. even though he was lonely and had no one to talk to, he still endured it, skipped grades, and became a doctor at the age of 10+. at first he was looked down on for being young, but an older doctor stood up for him. eventually he became the leader of the doctors, but due to his lack of social skills, he struggled to communicate well, which resulted in the doctors hating him. in the end, all the doctors except lucas quit their job. and the group collapsed. (tbf id quit too... imagine being said you didn't work as hard as him and don't have as much brainpower compared to him as well)

ammon has only had his mom since birth and lived with her, selling flowers for a living. ammon would always make sure the flowers would be sold out at the end of the day for his sickly mother, but if he doesn't manage to sell all of them it's heavily implied his mom whips him like he does to himself even now. they were like super poor but ammon still loved his mom because he only had her

berrien has like this super mysterious past but rn it's starting to unravel in chapter 4. he's an orphan and got adopted into a church backed by the grovanas or whatever nobel family to nurture warriors who could fight angels, but surprisingly the church is actually full of love and was ran by someone who fighted angels named Goetia. berrien also met his soon-to-be older brother figure named Beren/Belen. btw all of the kids go by the last name Cliane because goetia wants everyone to become true family.

when berrien was 26 (Beren 29), goetia died from a chronic disease and Beren had to take on goetia's responsibilities. berrien became the one running the church, however shit happened, Beren got demonized, and berrien used his powers to keep Beren alive after forming a contract with his current devil. he's still residing in berrien's basement as of current, but in a coma. berrien still thinks he himself has no rights to be a butler and really does not believe that he's the one keeping the damn thing running

also the church got destroyed like 2400 years ago and yes berrien is 2000+ years old

haures was born into some wack ass family, his dad ran away with some other woman and his mom projected her rage and stuff like that onto haures, and his newborn younger sister Tricia. haures is 10 years older than Tricia. when he was that age, he ran away from home with Tricia (literal baby) because he no longer trusted his mom to take good care of them. after that, when haures was 18, he trained hard to become a soldier under the grovanas nobles so he could afford to let Tricia get treatment for her worsening vision. one heartbreaking scene was when haures showed off his red uniform to Tricia and she said the blue uniform looked good on him... but 5 years later, haures managed to get Tricia's eyes healed!!! surely nothing bad could happen!!!!

sike. haures caught one of the grovanas nobles illegally trafficking humans with some dealer, and arrested him. however that led to the seller getting revenge, and he decided to capture tricia. he stabbed her and threw her into the woods. when haures found her, she only managed to call out to haures before she died after a few breaths. haures was really really really devastated. he sought revenge on the noble, and while the noble didn't die, he was jailed 5 years for harming the noble (not death sentence because he was determined mentally unstable after losing Tricia.). after he got out of jail, he found the noble again and wanted to kill him, but he was reminded of how Tricia admired him for protecting the people and helping those in need, which stopped him. after that, he became a devil butler because of his proficient fighting skills.

lamli was forced to work at a circus by his mom at the age of 10, while starting up with simple duties, he decided to train to become a circus troupe performer so he'd earn more money for his complaining mother. its heavily implied he's abandoned by her and becomes a devil butler because of his nimble body. btw his mom said she never wanted to have lamli right in front of him. jesus.

fennesz was born into a wealthy happy family, and had an older sister. however his war general father lost a war against nobles, and the economy went into shambles. his mom remarried but even though their stepdad was nice, fennesz and his sister ended up strays on the street due to some reasons i forgot of. fennesz would get bullied by kids on the street because of his father's loss in the war, but his sister would always protect him, and they relied on each other for survival. she's very smart, as shown in the story. she also loves history, as she said, it can help people learn from the past. its heavily implied she is dead.

ok flure! flure grew up with his older sister and mother who both did ballet (can one of you have an actual dad for once?), and he also followed in their footsteps. however when he was a child he was bullied for liking stereotypical girly things, like playing with his sister's dolls, doing ballet and having long hair. even though he was laughed at for doing it, he still underwent strict training guided bg his sister and mother. he never found the courage to tell his sister or mom even though his sister could tell something was wrong (heard him crying at night). he still thinks he should be more courageous to this day and thinks he's pathetic. we don't know what happened to his family but they probably died.

i wanted to talk about boschi but i realized idk much about him apart from the fact that he only had his grandmother (who's actually a great caretaker for once!) and he was bullied for being a bookworm/nerd at school and had no friends. though he did actually beat those bullies up later for mocking his grandma when she wanted to take him back home. she didn't want boschi to fight but she said herself she was actually rooting for him when he was fighting LMAOOO love her for that

lono. ok so lono was really poor and had no parents, and he acted as the older brother for the younger kids living on the streets with him. he'd work as someone who'd clean up rubble from battling angels, which was a job that had unstable income since no one knows when angels are gonna appear. they were family basically. lono would rather starve than let his siblings eat less, and his love of cooking originated here because he loved seeing them happy from his cooking. we don't know what happened to them, but they're probably dead

nac was born into a rich family, and has a father, not sure if he has a mother, never mentioned at least. apparently the stein family was great at sales or trading or smth??? they're just some very rich and well-known name. however on his 12th birthday, his butler led him to the forest near the stein mansion, and revealed himself to be someone the stein family harmed. just as he was about to kill lil nac in shock, nac retaliated in defense. and when he realized, he already stabbed the man at his vital point. his dad appears out of nowhere and reveals that he knew this all along, and that the stein family is actually a long line of assassins with sales as their front personas. nac was trained to kill since then, and thought he'd never feel positive emotions again before he became a devil butler. he also has scars all around his body, probably from the assassin work he did.

lato and his non-blood related brother, Aleks I think? were kidnapped by people who wanted to train people to become angel fighters. however unlike berrien, this time it's just pure cruelness and literal torture. they were 8 when this experiment started. not only that, all the children were sold by their caretakers to this place, including lato and aleks' "mother", the head of their orphanage, who they deeply loved and believed in. when lato finally found a way to escape, almost half the children were dead.

and when he told the others, they told lato that they already gave up on escaping, including aleks. from, i suppose, all the suppressed anger and trauma, he burned the experiment facility down, leaving the other kids to die because he hallucinated that they wanted them to be burned so they could be free. after that, lato returned to the orphanage even though he knew the "mother" sold him in the first place. guess what the mother did! that's right she ran back into the orphanage when she saw him, locked the fucking door and told him to get the fuck away from her. and lato burned the orphanage down.

now onto the new butler trio!

teddy is the one with the most details in his backstory so far. when he was young, he Had a twin brother, and teddy was a far cry from who he is now. he was negative and gloomy compared to his brother, who was positive and talented, and people always favored teddy's brother more. but one day, his brother died protecting him from an angel, but since they were so alike people didn't know whether the one that died was teddy or his brother. and after grieving his brother, teddy decided to become him, and used his brother's name to live on as him so people wouldn't be sad, because "teddy" was the one that died. and that led to teddy forming his personality today. teddy is his actual name though, he started using it after he became a knight. he became a knight because he wanted to protect people from angels.

but during an attack by an intelligent angel, namely seraphim, one of the angels that appeared at the end of chapter 1 and also the major antagonist of the story, teddy's entire unit got killed. at the start of chapter 2.5, he recuperated in a hospital, however he kept terrible nightmares (reliving the massacre, and hearing the voices of his comrades asking him why he abandoned them and why he got to survive) and so didn't sleep at all. he eventually snuck out of the hospital to visit their graves, and then started wondering what the point of him still being alive is. he almost threw himself off a cliff before haures and aruji reached him.

hanamaru. ten years before the story, hanamaru was fleeing from something- he walked all the way from the east to the central, and collapsed in a forest. a nun found him and took him back to a church that doubled as an orphanage. however the nun soon fell ill and died, so hanamaru began taking care of the kids in the church after he was saved by her.

but 5 years later, the church was attacked by angels. he was away from the church when the attack happened, and when he came back, all he saw were angels flying away from the ruined church. only 4 kids survived. hanamaru had a breakdown, and kept kneeling and pressing his head against the ground, saying things like "i couldn't protect them", "i swear ill keep them safe next time", implying this is not the first time something like this has happened. he swore vengeance against the angels that day, that he would never forgive them, and himself. so berrien suspects that the 4 kids that survived were the people that kept hanamaru around. who knows what could've happened if they passed as well...

lastly (finally), yuuhan. at the age of 9, he trained to become a soldier of the sardeis family so he could protect his hometown, and made it after 3 years. he quickly rose up in the ranks, being a prodigy. in the main story, he started doubting his loyalty to the family after they attempted an assassination on the devil butlers. and he betrayed the sardeis family and fell into their trap when investigating forbidden records. he got thrown into jail by the head, and the head decided for his punishment, yuuhan's whole village and everyone he knew there will be burned and killed. he could only despair in jail. in the story, after his prison guard left after serving him food, yuuhan started crying. he called out to his father, his mother, everyone from his hometown, apologizing again and again, believing that it's his fault that they died.

after that, the head, fubuki, paid him a visit. fubuki beat yuuhan up, pushed him to the verge of death, but not grave enough injuries to die. yuuhan asked fubuki to kill him, but fubuki refused. he even says he'll force feed yuuhan till the day of his death execution if necessary. however, yuuhan was rescued by the butlers during his execution. (it took place in a forest with tigers. basically the death penalty is getting eaten by tigers) he became a devil butler after that.

holy shit. also im not typing Bastien's since you can read his backstory from the tls available here.

[melanatedeuph0ria]

my initial thoughts on the bear s3 (having only gotten to ep 5)

im not even mad ab the whole sydcarmy breakdown in s3 rn I’m just like disappointed because what the fuck man

I’m only on ep 5 and I’m not gonna lie to y’all if this was as good and actually interesting as season 2 I’d be eating it up and binging that shit as much as I did last year. Well now I rlly can’t because I just HAD to rewatch the show w my parents so now that means I have to wait until they’re in the mood to watch it to watch it with them so I don’t feel like I’m betraying them for watching episodes on my own (mostly my mom tbh) but like ts is NOT speaking to me man

like I NEVER use “man” at the end of my sentences like that only when I’m actually exasperated and fucking tired of the shit something or somebody is pulling

Like FROM WHAT IVE SEEN this season has only showed me that like OKAY I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE FAKS IM JUST SEEING THEM WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH LIKE…WHY IS JOHN CENA HERE STOP TRYING TO MAKE SHIT INTERESTING BY INSERTING RANDOM FUCKING CELEBRITIES INTO YO SHIT FIRST OF ALL

SECONDLY I’m pissed with how CARMY IS TREATING MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK QUEEN PRINCESS DUCHESS SYDNEY

Like what happened man 😕

It was legitimately going so so so SO WELL IN SEASON TWO

LIKE I HAD HOPE INDISPUTABLE HOPE ABOUT THEM GETTING TOGETHER

LIKE HUH

but then this WHITE MAN has the nerve to treat her like GARBAGE

FIRST FROM GETTING INTO A FIGHT WITH RICHIE FOR NO FUCKING REASON CAUSING RICHIE TO FALL OVER AND SPILL ALL OF THE HARD EXPO ORDER WORK SYDNEY WAS WORKING ON

LIKE I WOULD HAVE BEEN GONE BYE RESTAURANT WITH NO FUCKING SIGN ON THE FRONT LIKE WHO DO YALL THINK YALL AREEE

ALSO I FIND IT DISRESPECTFUL AS HELL

DISRESPECTFUL THAT THIS NIGGA IS ASKING HER “WHAT DO I DO WITH CLAIRE???” LIKE LMAO WHY NOBODY GIVE A FUCK

I THINK IM MOVING TO THE SIDE OF THE ARGUMENT THAT SYDNEY DESERVES BETTER THAN THIS MAN

AND I WIULDVE THOUGHT HE WOULDVE BEEN AT LEAST A LITTLE, MAYBE A LITTLE MORE GENTLRR WITH HER DURING COOKING TOME OR WHAGEVER TF BUT HE STILL JUST AS GORDON RAMSAY-ISH WITH HER LIKE WITH ANYONE

WTF DID WE DO STORER

LIKE WHY R U BEING A BITCH ABOUT SYDCARMY SHIPPERS LIKE U JUST PUT A BIG ASS HOLE IN THEIR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP

LIKE OKAY THEY DONT HAVE TO GET TOGEHRHER WHATEVER IF THEY DONT ILL STILL BE PISSED BUT WHATEVER

BUT I FEEL LIKE

UGH IDK

I CAME TO SEE A LIL ROMANCE THE NITTY GRITTY. LIKE EW HOW THE HELL ARE YALL GOING TO BE SHOWING CLAIRE AND CARMY KISSING IN THE DARK LIKE I DONT CARE WHAT TYPE OF WORK SHE DOES I DONT GAF AB WHAT SHE DO FOR WORK LIKE I APPRECIATE HER BEING A NICE PERSON TO THESE KIDS AND STUFF BUT CMON

CARMY AINT CALL HER NOT ONCE THIS WHOLE TIME IVE BEEN WATCHING

RICHIE IS THE ONLY ONE IM FR INTERESTED IN MARCUS TOO BECAUSE HE TRYNA DO SOME EXPERIMENTAL SHIT OUTSIDE OF THIS STRSSSFUL ASS ENVIRONMENT

AND SINCE WHEN DID THEY STILL OPERATE THE BEEF?!? I THOUGHT THEY CLOSED THAT SINCE WHRN IS A BRANCH OF THAT STILL OPERATING AND WHY IS ONLY EBRA IN CHARGE?!?

I THOUGHT THEY BUILT OVER THE RESTAURANT AND TURNED IT INTO WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS NOW I MIGHTA MISSED A PLOT POINT BUT I DONT REMEMBER THAT EVEN BEING SAID

ALSO WHI IS THAT MAN WHO WALTZED INTO THE BEAR REASTUARSNT AND WAS TALKING W CARMY AS HE WAS CUTTING SOME SHIT AND WHO ALSO WAS AT THE WINDOW OF THE BEEF LIKE WHO ARE YOU HO LIKE R U A FAK OR WHAT BITCH

CARMY IS JUST TOO SAME OLD SAME OLD FOR ME LIKE CAN WE PLEASE CHANGE FOR ONCE IN OUR LIVES

LIKE I UNDERSTAND RICHIE ON THE FIRST EP LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DO U MEAN UR SORRY WHEN U LITERALLY CALLED ME A LEECH FOR WANTING TO BE INCLUDED IN THIS FAMILY BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE ONE TO RLLY CALL HIS OWN?!?!? LIKE CARMY CAN YOU CHILL OUT THIS MAN ACTUALLY LOVES YOU NO PAWSE

from what I’ve watched already its okay NOT TO SAY THE ACTORS ARE BECAUSE THE ACTORS DID AN INCREDIBLE PERFOMANCE AS USUAL LIKE THEIR SKILLS ARE STILL GREAT BUT I DONT LIKE WHAT THEY HAVE YALL DOIN WITH THAT AND ITS PISSING ME AWFF DONT PMOOOOO

ALSO IS IT JUST ME OR DO I FEEL LIKE THE BLACK CHARACTERS ARENT GETTING SHIT THIS SEASON

LIKE MARCUS AND TINA..OKAY OKAY THEY GOT THEY LIL EPISODES

BUT WHAT AB NOW IN THE PRESENT

I THINK WHO IM MAINLY TALKING AB IS SYD, EBRA, AND GARY I DAMN NEAR FORGOT HIS NAME BECAUSE WE NEVER EVER EVERRRR SEE HIM. EVER.

LIKE I ACTUALLY LIKE HIS CHARACTER I WANT TO SEE MORE OF HIM HE SEEMS COOL

okay main points:

* syd deserves better

* syd needs to stop being a lil mean to her dad idk I might be soft but like (it HAD to be said cs why r u being so rude to him for having genuine concerns about this murky ass apartment u finna dig into yo pockets to pay for?? ALSO this sussy ass partnership w this man liiiiiioke…)

* they seemed to care more ab carmys failing and anticlimactic relationship with claire than marcus’s late mother (ALSO I couldn’t help but notice SYDNEY was the only one, THE ONLY ONE who came to support this man as they were cleaning his mom’s hospice equipment out of his house…LIKE YALL HAVE NOTHING TO DO COME HELP??? like okay they came to his funeral which I appreciate y’know but still that part irks me)

* ts feels like filler at its finest somebody already said that but I felt like it had to be restated, like if CLAIRE YO

* IF CLAIRE IS THE MAIN DAMN PLOT POINT FOR THIS NIGGA CARMY RN AND IS THE ONE DRIVING HIM TO DO ALL THIS CRAZY NONNEGOTIABLE SHIT TO GET HIS MIND OFF OF IT IM DONE

* okay I’m done thank y’all for listening

* also I’m writing this on my notes app so I just copied it over

*ok bye y’all ty for listening !!! :3

UPDATE: I just read a few posts on here giving different perspectives and now I feel like I might’ve missed some stuff 😭

like maybe this is just setting it up to LOOK LIKE syd and carmy aren’t ever happening just to make season 4 and have them

idk how to even end that sentence

[shiftersroom]

hi thala! 💞 so sorry if you don’t accept this kind of asks but i just feel like i need to vent and your vlog is always reassuring and comforting.

currently i’m in this situation where i just want to get out of this cr and permashift to my dr asap, but it seems like i can’t stop self sabotaging myself and i’m so so tired of it. last night i was crying my heart out because of how bad i felt about it. i’ve been practicing meditation so i can enter the void and even though it seems like i learned to keep my mind awake and body sleep i haven’t been able to get past that and it’s so frustrating. i know there’s tons of methods and also everyone says i don’t even need one but i idk why i have this idea that i need some method to detach from my cr really printed on my mind. for the self sabotaging part, i can’t help but have trust issues regarding myself and the community, sometimes it’s my intrusive thoughts making me doubt about shifting being real/posible and other’s successful experiences (saying it must have been a lucid dream or they are just making it up and i really HATE and feel guilty to discredit their experiences in that way 😭) and other times my belief in shifting is unwavering but i don’t feel capable of it. i'm not even the kind of person who has ever had any “closer attempts” or mini shifts and has been really hard for me to find what works best for me, meditation is by far what i’ve been trying the most but i’m just so impatient that sometimes i can’t help but feel that i’m going nowhere. my mind is really so stubborn when it comes to trying to change negative thoughts.

sorry for all of this, i don’t have shifting friends or someone i can share this stuff with. i don’t usually tend to feel this way but last night i just kinda collapsed, it crossed my mind that maybe i'm wasting my time and that i should just give up but i don’t want to, if this shii is real i need to experience it no matter what. i want to be with the ones i love and live the life i want. i don’t want to stay here any longer. i want to try loa along with shifting but then again, my intrusive thoughts say that i’ll be just gaslighting myself and all that.

i know no one else can fix these problems for me, but i’m so scared of failure or just being delusional for believing in all of this. sorry again for the long vent, i needed to get this off my chest. love you and your blog so much thala. if you don’t really want to accept this because honestly is like a long ass and probably demotivating ramble it’s totally okay, but thank you for taking the time if you do. hope you keep being happy and having success with everything you do. 😭🫶🏻

hello 💕 please feel free to vent, i don’t mind.

i completely understand your level of frustration, i badly want to permashift too and i have little breakdowns every few months once it catches up to me that nothing has fully worked yet.

the void can take a long time to perfect. i mean monks spend decades learning to meditate! why don’t you try something other than meditation? if you’ve given it a good go and it hasn’t worked, it’s probably not the method for you. i recommend a short break before trying a new method. rn i’m writing an affirmation 100 times a day. but honestly if that doesn’t work i’m straight up gonna lay there and visualize for 8 hours every night. i’m getting out of here no matter what.

try asking yourself what you think will work for you - sometimes we know the answer but we need to sit down and think about it. for example i keep doing affirmations, or short visualizations. but i feel what will make me shift is just laying there and telling myself to stfu and visualize until i’m there, even if it takes hours.

as for the self sabotage, i cope with that by watching my favorite creators and realizing that no one in their right mind would upload years of unpaid content that most people would ridicule us for, all for it to be a lie or joke. especially older shifters. and the other thing i like to do is remind myself that if i shifted and came back, no matter how ridiculous the experience was it’d still be real - so even if you don’t believe someone bc it sounds outlandish, it can still be real.

i’m also scared of being delusional but i simply cannot and will not remain here. there is no other option for me, so i’ll persist forever. the first time i shifted i had no idea id shift. that keeps me motivated, i could feel awful and still wake up in my dr tomorrow.

forever posting this reddit post by someone who shifted after 5 years, this was my fave comment of theirs:

and that motivates me even more - even if it’s fake i’m gonna make it real.

i also struggle with trying to change negative thoughts and my mindset, i’m in my mid 20s this stuff is harder to believe in at this age, and my mind has been tainted by years of bad experiences. but as hard as it is i’m forcing myself to get over it and try everything, bc i just need to shift once and all my bad experiences will be over.

i’m sorry if i gave you a big rant in return haha, but i hope this helps!! 💕 i’m so happy you like my blog and thanks for your sweet words 🥹

[yuseirra]

I'm drawing a comic~ for the meantime...this manga honestly made me so frustrated and pissed earlier, I just ranted on and I found it so funny to read. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do, here's how I feel about it rn!!

oh, this is such a perfect time to take a break from it though, i constantly feel so nervous about creating something for it because things escalate fast and I need to make good sense of it and reflect it into my works EVERY week. I am nuts for staying accurate to the source material (it may not seem like it but I'm really a perfectionist and I wish to do a good job getting the characters right) This work has a knack for making me feel extremely tense. It's been that way for the past three months I've hopped in, it's nice and enjoyable to have something to be invested on but sometimes it gets too much.. people are growing insane and pointing knives at each other, our protagonist stabbed himself and fell into the waters. The fact that I think it was an utterly foolish decision for him to have been that way does not help. I do not support what he's done. It does make a pretty impressive scene considering it's a manga and the art looks good, I think they planned that scene to be there from the beginning too but Sigh

I think he directed his anger to the wrong guy. I am not convinced that was the right choice he's made so I hate the look of it. Way to feel this way about the main character huh,

I can't draw.. when things make me this nervous, what else is going to unfold? I feel like I can see the big picture for the whole thing, but there is no way I can predict all the little details and what if things get super ugly, even uglier than how it is now?? I can't possibly work with that, it's just so hard!; Mengo-san Aka-san, what did I do to deserve this?? I came in because I thought I understood what this is!!! I have a good idea of how things are going to go!!! Why do you have to make everything SO MESSY?? It's frustrating. I AM collecting the physical volumes you know? I WANT TO TILL THE END?? please don't make me regret it, You seriously AREN'T going to make the one guy Ai confessed her love to a total freak. You know that and I know it too. It's just out there and set in stone, goodness. This isn't funny. This is so pointless. It wears me out ugghhh it's not about the ship I mean, it's about the message!!! the plot!!!!!! I really don't like how this manga makes things way more complex than what it actually is. It doesn't have to be that way.

Heheh. I ranted again- the stuff below's what I wrote earlier. Honorable mention to chatgpt for helping me translate it.. this is just. I just want things to get resolved. It's getting so dumb.

***

Kamiki is drowning and getting dragged away, Aqua stabs himself, then floats on the water with a melancholy expression on his face… and then there's a break for two weeks or so, right? Ugh, seriously.

But honestly, even in this weirdly ended situation, I’m actually glad there’s a break. If there wasn’t, I wouldn’t be able to write things like this. I get too nervous to write because I really hate making mistakes. I genuinely don’t like it. Normally, I wouldn’t enjoy talking about uncertain situations like this…

But what can I do when I see things?;;; If I didn’t understand anything at all, I wouldn’t be able to write something like this, and if I didn’t have enough time, I wouldn’t have time to think about it, so I wouldn’t be able to write then either. But now that I do understand, it’s just… so frustrating, suffocating, nerve-wracking, and I feel all fidgety because of it.

Honestly, this manga should just release one chapter and then take a break. Release one chapter and then take a break. It would be nice to have about a week to think about it with a clear mind. It’s so exhausting, really. I feel like I know where this is all headed in the end, but the creators have been dragging things out so slowly. Even with the Aqukana storyline, I got so tired with how they handled it that I took a break from reading it last year…

The story hands you the key. It even clearly shows you the door that the key can open. But then it puts up dozens of other doors next to it, meaningless ones. Even after giving you all the answers, it tries to confuse you. But you can see right through it. And while doing that, it points to each door saying, 'Isn't this door pretty~~~ How about that one?' constantly taunting you along. All while it's them that's given you the key already in the first place.

It’s really frustrating… I’m so tired. If I couldn’t see anything, I’d just watch while grumbling or be like, 'Oh…' and keep my distance without overthinking it. But it’s suffocating and frustrating not knowing why they’re doing such pointless things, and it makes me anxious too…

Well… I could just take a break, but… I really like Ai. And when I look at the man she loved, I feel like he could actually be a really good character too, so I watch carefully… There’s a lot to dig into. It would be nice to shift the focus onto the other characters, too, but…

Seriously, nothing’s been properly resolved, has it? They’ve been dragging it out for ages. The characters keep doing crazy things. You can’t end a story like this. It’s just… they're not writing well, but they’re doing it on purpose. This manga is like that; the creators enjoy twisting things, and I should just enjoy that too, but I don't think I do. I just want to use the key and go through the door; I’m not interested in looking at the various door knobs. I wish they’d just stop now. I feel like I know what’s going on. That’s why I’m here to draw fan art. I get so up and down every week, but if the outcome isn’t what I’m thinking, I have no idea what it could be, and I don’t think it would make for a good story at all. I’m not saying it has to go the way I want for it to be a good story! It’s just… if it doesn’t, it feels like the message will completely collapse. It’s not about the couple… Even if the characters die, as long as the story is good, that’s fine, but the framework has to hold up!

About Kamiki's state,

his trauma and the dire-ness of his mentality is probably even more serious than Aqua’s, right? And I actually got that right too.

They said they only felt alive when they were with Ai. That means, in essence, they’re as good as dead now. But if they still want to keep living in that state, it means there was something they believed they had to do.

That’s likely related to the wishes mentioned in Mephisto and Fatal.

‘I want to see you. I want your life to return.’ (Mephisto)

‘I want to get closer to you. I want to receive your love again.’ (Fatal)

'For that, I can do anything. I can even offer my life. I can sacrifice anything. What more do I need to use?' <(Common themes in both songs)

In short, it’s all about 'I want to see you.'"

The "you" here refers to Ai.

That’s what it is.

Well… when you think about it, what Kamiki is doing now is essentially that. His underlying wish was that, but the way he’s going about it has become completely twisted. I don’t think he developed this kind of logic on his own. He’s been influenced or possessed by something. Because he was never someone who could hurt others.

This character didn't harm Ai… I truly believe he wouldn't have hurt her. Everything he’s doing now, in his own way, is probably for Ai. It’s just that he’s gone mad.

And thus, you can infer he's in such a serious condition, yet it hasn’t been highlighted at all.

They made his past so tragic and horrifying (I try to thoroughly analyze the character's psychological state; as I mentioned before, I try to sync up with their emotions…), and yet, with this character, there are parts I just can’t dive into because it’s too overwhelming. It’s plainly obvious. He’s not in his right mind right now. He’s too depressed and tormented to be alive.

Think about it, he’s been through extremely serious things since he was at least ten years old, maybe even younger… Just thinking about it makes me… I once considered exploring this, incorporating to my works, but I simply couldn’t. I really couldn’t… it’s too horrifying!

If the author had written him in a way where he turned into a serial killer because he developed a hatred for women or something like that, I wouldn’t have been able to forgive it. Even though I haven’t experienced such things, I feel I know enough of it to say that would be too shallow, convenient, and disrespectful. That’s really not how you handle such material. It’s beyond lazy—it's irresponsible. But I didn’t think it would go that way.

Whether this character ends up being revealed as the ultimate villain or not, if they’ve created a character like this and don’t address it properly, it’s not respectful to the character. It’s too much…

But I believe that the creators have a certain affection for what they’ve created, so I trust they’ll handle it. I just… want to see it handled properly. I think the delay is because they couldn’t fully express it while the anime was airing. They keep taking breaks and adjusting their pace; part of it might be due to the creators’ conditions, but I think they might have deliberately delayed introducing new content to match the anime’s schedule.

Honestly, I got into this because I knew. I realized, "Ah, this is what this character is going through."

He really liked Ai. It was set up in a way that he had no other choice but to become that way.

Other characters have their own core identity, right? Even if you strip away all their relationships with other characters, they have something of their own.

But when you look at this character, from the planning stage, everything was set to align with Ai, and without Ai, the character itself wouldn’t exist…;; He just collapses. Like in the lyrics, "I can’t live without Ai." The only consolation is that Ai truly did love him back… It’s like, the creators made this character specifically as a match for Ai, you know?

When you create a character like that, it’s only right to handle it in a way that makes that visible.

About his relationship with Ai… it’s not like I just think they look good together or something… It’s more like, when you look at the story and the way the characters are built, it’s obvious that they were made that way!!!

But even in the current situation and how ugly it is, there's one reason I think Ai made a good choice in picking him as her husband. She picked a extremely handsome guy and passed down superior looks to their kids haha. When you look at him, it doesn't make it seem like Ai is way out of his league in terms of looks, does it? She met someone who matched her well and dated him, that’s how it feels. I’m pretty sure they’re really gods, you know? They’re like the god of entertainment and the god of light. Their story is just too similar… they resemble each other so much… If you look at mythology, Ame-no-Uzume’s husband just fell for her at first sight, got swept along, married her, and they even shared a shrine, living happily together… Ame-no-Uzume just barged into his domain, made herself at home, and they got together right away. That god really married well. He ruled over not just one or two domains, but was a supreme indigenous deity and was considered just and noble… It’s like, “Oh, I like this one,” and she picked him like that. And judging by the drawings, Ame-no-Uzume was really beautiful… She was incredibly cute… I was so happy looking at that mythology. They bless the couple’s fate and marriage because they’re satisfied and happy with each other. People even make masks of the two gods and wear them together during festivals.

Look, if I’m a romance writer and I want to write something related to the entertainment industry, and I borrow mythology, and I know this couple's mythology? And then I write a story like this? Well… from my perspective, Kamiki is a mad god who went crazy after losing his wife. He genuinely loved Ai. Look at his expression in chapter 162. It’s the same as in chapter 153. He loved her that much, and on top of that, she was his savior, his lover, and even the mother of his child, raising them risking everything she's got. He believes she died because of his mistake—so what would he do? He might have thought about following her in death but couldn’t, so he thought, "If I do something, maybe Ai will come back." And when that didn’t work, he just ended up desperately wanting to see Ai again… I think that’s what drove him mad. I don’t think he’s in his right mind. He’s totally lost it. I mean, who could stay sane after losing someone like that for over a decade?

It’s not like the readers should have to guess why he’s fallen apart like this, right? It’s time for the story to show us. I’m really struggling with this—making deductions, writing, drawing—and every time a new chapter is released, people come to me, feeling sad or offering comfort. Seriously, I’m fine! isn’t it? Aren’t the creators romance writers? How could they not cover this? It’s not just about the couple—this is such rich material, and not using it would be a waste, don’t you think? And it doesn’t make sense… Why would they write it so that Ai loved someone truly strange? It’s not like that. Ugh, seriously.

As I always say, it’s not my work, so I could be completely wrong.

Still… it just feels like such a waste. Not using this? Not doing this?

I think all the clues are there… They’re doing this on purpose. Just wait and see. I’m not called the Prophet-type for nothing (INFJ)? When it comes to things like this, my intuition isn’t that bad. There are a lot of things I’ve figured out as soon as I saw them.

What’s frustrating about this manga is that if the plot progression itself is confusing, that’s fine as a mystery element.

But here, they give you all the answers, then pretend they haven’t, dragging things out while playing dumb. That really makes me go, “What are they doing?” It’s like they show all the answers and then, without reason, go off on a tangent. It’s like entering the destination into a navigation system, knowing where you’re supposed to go, but steering the car in the opposite direction for three hours.

Then, they turn around like nothing happened and head towards the destination. It’s pointless. If you don’t know the destination from the start, there’s a thrill as you go. But this just looks like foolishness. It’s like, eventually, it’ll come to this conclusion, but the story gives you the answer upfront and then insists, "Actually, no~" and lies about it. I don’t think it’s a very good method. It’s tiring…

Maybe it works in a volume format, but reading it as it’s released makes you wonder, "What’s even going on here?"

Haha, I came into this with confidence. At this point, there’s quite a bit that’s built up.

When I think about it, I’ve gotten all the critical parts right. Look at the expressions Kamiki makes when he looks at Ai. Does he look like someone who would order Ryosuke to kill Ai just because she rejected him?

This guy just can’t come to his senses after Ai’s death. He’s been doing everything he could just to see Ai again.

And if you’re still confused, the answer is always in Ai’s video message.

Would Ai, of all people, say she wanted to live forever with someone who ordered her death? That’s not how you write that story. The answer was already there, so I don’t know what this manga is doing.

That's why I'm not worried about Aqua right now! I'm mad! LOL. Hey, your dad definitely loved your mom more than anyone else in the entire world. He loved her more than his own life. Well, maybe you put Ruby first… But seriously, is he really so crazy that he tried to kill Ruby just to save Ai?!

But if that's the case, then it means he's not in his right mind, so he needs an exorcism…;;

How could Aqua not understand what kind of person his dad is, even after playing him as his role? Why can't he get a sense of it? Why didn't he listen, and instead tried to drown him in the ocean? Why did he do that? Is he really that evil? Am I missing something? Why are you like this? I can’t sympathize with it—was that really the only way? It doesn’t look that way to me. This is like a parade of fools, seriously. Did I completely miss the mark? Am I really wrong? Did I get everything wrong, and did I fail to see it properly? Then why does Ai’s video message say what it does?

Aqua, please get a grip. And Kamiki is out of his mind. He needs to go to a hospital. Seriously. What is all this?

That's all.

[knullanon]

REDO: Symbiotes being assholes Part 2

yaya! I'm finally finished with this! I'm really tired rn and this week has been very hectic for me, so I'm happy that I was able ti finish it on time! I tried to base it around the work that I've done previously and stuff, so I hope you guys enjoy it :)

words: 4194 (not including the bonus at the end \^o^/)

warnings: kidnapping, arguing, yelling, blood, somebody dies, basically no privacy in the carnage household btw, lmk if I missed any!

summary: the aftermath of being taken once again has finally simmered down, and you live your life (mostly) peacefully.

~~~

“________?”

You had opened your eyes, trying to see who was talking to you, but you only saw darkness. When you tried to respond, the only thing that came out was some kind of raspy breath. You internally cringed, but tried again, this time muttering out some gargled nonsense. 

“_____! My baby, you can hear me. Where are you?”

What? You couldn’t focus on anything, even the strange voice, and you covered your face with your arms. You could hear the voice say something else, something about where you were. But it was too late. Suddenly, everything around turned into nothing, and you felt yourself falling for a second, before “landing” on your bed. 

Your eyes shot open and you leaned on your elbow, trying to get rid of the dizziness in your head. What was that? Who was that?

“________, if you don’t open this damn door!”

Your mind suddenly remembered where you were, and you quickly jumped out of bed, ignoring your headache, and rushed to the door. You took off your makeshift ‘lock’ that was basically a bungee cord attached to your bedpost, before the door swung open, almost hitting you. 

Cletus stormed into the room, obviously very upset. “What the hell were you doing in here?” You wanted to roll your eyes. He took you, and now you’re expected to just do whatever he says? “I was having a bad dream. Couldn’t wake up.” He gave you a look, and you reiterated, “I’m serious! I couldn’t hear you!”

He gave you another look, before asking, “Are you sure that you weren’t just ignoring me?” You knew he was going to go this route. He had… control issues. Ever since you got here, it was not what you couldn’t do, it was what you could do. You could walk anywhere you wanted in the house, except the front room. You could watch TV anytime you wanted, or play any of the games that were there from the previous owners. Anything else was either off limits, or he needed to be with you to do so. 

“I’m not ignoring you, I swear. I didn’t know you were at the door, if I did I would’ve answered it.” You tried to plead with him, knowing that he would get angrier if you just argued with him. “Even if you were asleep, what’s with the lock? Do you not trust us?” He held the cord in his hand, letting it hang loosely from it. You shook your head, “I just want some privacy… Like, what if you had walked in on me when I was changing?”

He scoffed, and walked over to your bedpost, where the other end of the bungee cord was attached. He lifted it up, pulling it out from underneath. He dropped the bed with a loud bang. “Oh, don’t give me that. I knock, you know.” He wrapped the cord around his arm, before he pulled it off and began to walk back to the door. 

“I made you breakfast. If you don’t want it to get cold, you should put on a robe and come out.”

He closed the door, and left you to get ready, and let your thoughts simmer. You were angry. Not to the point you would show it, but more rather your mind was making fantasy arguments with itself. 

He can’t take it! It was ours, we made it ourselves! He’s violating our privacy! We just want some peace once in a while, is that too hard to ask?

You knew that making these little scenarios in your head wouldn’t help with your mood, so you tried to drop it. Instead, you wondered what you could do that day. You could clean up around the house a bit, or you could try to convince him again to let you cook something, maybe a small snack. 

Maybe you could even talk him into letting you outside. 

You took back the thought as soon as your mind brought it up. There was no way in hell he would ever let you outside, even with his supervision. He had too many people looking for him, too many people who would have no problems hurting you either. Of course, this is what he told you. You knew that he didn’t want you outside in case you tried to call for help or anything similar to it, but it still made you pissed that you were in the same situation as you were when you were with Eddie. 

Putting on your slippers, you quickly rushed out the door, not wanting to make him any more mad than he already was. 

---

The food Cletus had given you was good, you had to admit. You knew it wasn’t him who had cooked it, as he had stated he couldn’t cook very well, but probably Carnage, his own symbiote. You picked at the hashbrowns he had given you, not really eating, but also making it seem like you weren’t spacing out. Since Carnage had heightened senses that also passed to Cletus, it was hard for them to miss something about you. It reminded you of Venom, in a way.

Both Venom and Carnage were both extremely similar, both being symbiotes, having pretty much the same abilities, but that's really where their similarities ended. 

While Venom was much more patient and usually let you be in peace, Carnage was impatient and was even more controlling than Cletus. Carnage would sometimes just sit on his shoulder, and whisper into Cletus’ ear, telling him what he should do, what he should say. Sometimes, if you listened carefully you could hear it tell him random little things.

Carnage was also very much more present than Venom was. While you had assumed Venom just didn’t make himself appear because he thought you would be scared of him, Carnage had no such worries. They would sometimes just take over and talk to you randomly, usually about what you were doing or what you wanted to do. At the beginning, when you would try to argue with Cletus, they would take over and make you submit through sheer size, and lock you in your room using a chair. They wouldn’t let you out unless you apologized to both of them.

“Are you going to eat, or are you going to pout over your little lock?” 

You looked over, seeing that carnage was making more food, probably for you. You turned back to your own plate, and continued to eat your food. You heard a little ‘hmm’ from Carnage before they continued to make whatever they was making. 

Looking around, you saw the remote sitting on the other side of the table. You reached over the table, trying to grab it, but to no avail. You were about to get up to grab it, when it was taken from your sight. Carnage raised it above your hand, asking, “You could’ve asked us, you know.”

You shrugged. “You are busy making yourself breakfast.” Carnage rolled their eyes at that. “I’m making all this food for you, and all you can do is still be mad about that stupid lock. You know, we take care of you for free, and you treat us like this, all the time, every day.”

They walked back over to the stove, and grabbed the pan they were using. “Here, I hope this makes your attitude better.” They tilted it to your place, and a pancake slid off onto it. They walked back to the stove, putting the pan down, and pouring more of the mixture onto it.

You knew that they wouldn’t give you back the remote unless you apologized, so you quietly muttered, “I’m sorry.”

They stopped and turned around, still holding the remote. “What did you say?”

Trying not to grit your teeth, you said, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

Just get it over with, _____, it won’t help for you to be petty. “I’m sorry for putting a lock on my door without asking you first.”

They smiled, their teeth gleaming in the light. “That wasn’t so hard, was it? Apology accepted.”

They handed you the remote, before they turned back to the stove. You faced the TV, turning it on to the first channel.

“-and tonight, we have news on the supervillain Doctor Octopus, who was defeated with combined efforts, both Spiderman and Venom bringing him down. While Spideman was present after the attack for questions and the police, Venom quickly disappeared and officials are asking for any info on him to be reported to the police, or call this number-”

“Change it!” You didn’t think twice, changing it to the next channel. Another news program, this time showing some weather report on the city. You heard them grumble something, before Carnage said, “Better.”

That was another thing you had noticed from both Eddie and Venom, along with Cletus and Carnage. They both hated each other. While you weren’t aware of Carnage when you were with Eddie, you sure knew about their hatred towards each other when you were with Cletus and Carnage. They had told you their origin story about how Carnage was left behind by Venom and Eddie, and how Cletus had found them all alone, and they had joined together. You weren’t sure if it was true, but you were sure of their rivalry to each other.

However, it was also strange to see Eddie and Venom work so closely with Spiderman. You remembered Venom saying something about him, how he didn't know what he was doing. 

Suddenly, Carnage dropped another pancake on your plate, before they started putting all the dishes in the sink. When they was done, he turned back to you, asking, “Could you clean the dishes today, _____?"

You nodded, and they gave a small pat on the head. Carnage dissapeared, going under Cletus's skin. Cletus walked towards the coat rack, and grabbed his usual jacket. “We’ll be back, don’t worry: if you need any food, there’s snacks in the cupboards. Don’t use the stove or oven, you might burn yourself.”

With that, they walked to the door. “We’ll be back in a few hours!”

“Bye.” You said, more to yourself. When you heard the last click of the locks, you let out a sigh you didn’t realize you were holding. You finished your plate, and put it with the rest of the dishes, before you went to get ready.

---

He sat on his throne, angry, frustrated… a little fearful.

His baby was on some planet, with someone who was a known killer! He had no idea if they were alive, or if they were hurt, and the worst part was that no one could give him any damn answers. 

He looked down at the photo he had of you. It wasn’t even a good one, solely of your face. It was blurry, but he knew what he saw. His baby.

He placed the photo down in his lap, before he quickly summoned one of his guards. “Get ready.” He stood up, walking down the stairs from his throne. 

“Today is the day we will return to Earth, and take back what is ours.”

---

You knew something was up when Cletus came back earlier than expected. He had come back from his usual afternoon outing with groceries and the like, to tell you he hadn’t eaten anything all day (meaning he hadn’t eaten anyone that day). So he left again, making you your favorite sandwiches. He had promised you that he would make the both of you some pasta when he got back. So when he came back 3 hours early, and was an absolute mess, you knew something was wrong.

He was mindlessly putting things into different bags, and grabbing random things only to move them somewhere else. Carnage was on his shoulder, whispering things into his ear. He was muttering things back to them, still moving things frantically into bags.

You tried to talk to him, “Cletus, is something up?”

He had turned to you, saying, “Pack a bag or two. We’re leaving.” 

“What? Why?” You walked up to him, trying to see what Carnage was saying to him. You listened closely, “he’s coming here, they told us he was here, I don't care if it might be a fake, he is not someone to be messed with-"

He turned to face you, and you realized he looked like hadn’t slept in a week. You straightened your posture, trying not to act like you were just eavesdropping. “Pack a bag or two. We are leaving tonight, around 8 or 9. Sooner the better.”

You wanted to say something else, but he went back to packing. So you decided fuck it, if he wants to move so bad, they can. 

You grabbed the biggest bag you could find, and started picking clothes and belongings to bring with you.

---

The road was bumpy, and certainly not comfortable when you were trying to sleep. It was obvious that neither Cletus or Carnage wanted to see anyone during this trip, so they decided to go on the backroads, ones where you might see one or two other cars the whole way down. It also helped that it was nighttime, and there was barely any light to see in front of you, so even if there was someone else, they wouldn't really notice either of you, and just think of you as another car.

The whole time, Cletus was focused on the road. Carnage wasn’t even on his shoulder like they usually would. The whole time it was simply silence from the both of you. You didn’t know what Cletus was planning on doing, or if he even had a plan.

He was worried about something. You’ve never really seen him worried like this. Sure, he could get antsy or anxious when something was about to happen, but he was never actually fearful of anything. But you couldn’t tell from what, either. 

It might be the police. It might be someone who is after him. It might be Eddie and Venom. The thought of them suddenly brought you back to them, to the times you had shared with them. You could remember them arguing over something minimal while you ate whatever they had made for you that morning, listening to them bicker and sometimes silently laughing at their antics. 

It made you… sad. Not much. But just enough where your mood was brought down a little. Apparently, it was very noticeable to them.

“What are you frowning at? Don’t tell me you were attached to that place.” 

You looked out the window, trying to see if there was any light at all from the empty valley road you were driving on. “I’m not mad.”

He scoffed, “Well, something’s bothering you. What is it?”

You knew he wouldn’t be happy if he knew your real reason, so you quickly thought of something else that wouldn’t piss them off immediately. 

“Why are you so stressed?”

“About what?”

“This whole thing. Is someone after you?”

As soon as you said it, you knew you messed up from the simple shift in tone of the conversation. Cletus didn’t answer for a few seconds, opening his mouth and closing it again. Before you could ask him anything else, he said, “There… is something after us, yes.”

You turned to look at him, and you could see he was trying to avoid your gaze. You took the hint and turned back towards the road. “Do you know who?”

Cletus rolled his shoulders, and it was obvious he was extremely tired or strained.

“I do. It’s not someone who’s easy to avoid.”

The road was becoming less rough and janky. You realized that you were on a highway, the nearby areas completely flat, with some rock formations here and there. It was a stark contrast to the forests you had seen on the way there.

“Where are we going, anyway?” Deciding to move on, you realized that making him talk about it would make things worse. You could at least try to find out everything else.

“Other side of the country. I know a safe house. Not really a house, but Carnage says it's still there.” 

You didn’t realize that you were going to be so far from home. You tried to remember your family, your real family. There were bits and pieces, but in the months that you’ve been gone, it was harder to remember anything about your family. In fact, you’ve barely thought about them. It made you wonder if they even remembered you at all. Were they still looking for you? Did they even care at this point? 

“Get some sleep: It’s almost one in the morning. I’ll wake you up when I find a place to rest.”

Looking around and realizing that there probably wasn’t going to be anything for miles, you closed your eyes and slowly fell asleep.

---

When you woke up, there was blood over the windshield. That got you up pretty fast. You turned to ask what happened, but Cletus nor Carnage wasn’t there. You peeked out from the window, and saw that he was over someone, probably dead already, and he was eating them. 

You pulled yourself back down, and sighed. You wanted to just fall back asleep, but you realized that you had to go to the bathroom. While your mind was just telling you to ignore it, you saw that there was a bathroom in view, just a few meters away from where the truck was parked. 

Fuck it, you thought. There wouldn’t be a spot to stop at for a while, right? You opened the door slowly, hoping he wouldn’t hear you. Unfortunately, he did.

He turned towards you just as you hopped out and quietly closed the door. You both stared at each other for a second, before he said, “Let me just finish this and we’ll take a break at this place. There are snacks in that store behind you. Grab whatever.”

You nodded, and he went back to his meal. While he was busy, you went to the bathroom and did your business. 

When you got out, he was still eating, so you decided to explore the place a bit. You were quick to realize that it was someone's little shop, with 2 gas pumps out next to it. The store was quiet, and you put two and two together to realize that the guy he was eating was the one who probably worked there. That didn’t stop you from taking a few snacks and drinks. You knew that you would be hungry, if you weren’t just sick from watching some guy get eaten. 

When you walked outside, Cletus was dragging the body away, probably behind the store to hide, leaving behind a very prominent trail of blood. You ignored him, and walked towards the truck to put the items in the back seat. Organizing them so they wouldn’t fall, and so that they would be easy to grab if you needed anything, you leaned back to make sure everything was ok. You felt thirsty, and looked at the food to see if you had gotten any water, but you realized you didn’t grab any. Groaning, you closed the door and walked back to the store. Cletus was still hiding the body, you would’ve presumed, as he wasn’t back from hiding it. 

You walked around the store, trying to find where they put the water, when you heard something outside. You looked over the stands, trying to see if anything was outside or if Cletus was just messing with you. But there was nothing. You continued looking, thinking it was just the wind or some animal. When you found a few bottles of them, you grabbed some and walked to the door.

When you reached the truck, you opened the back door again, and threw the bottles into it, and closed the door. You heard someone behind you, and you turned to ask Cletus if he was done. 

“Are you done with your m-”

The first thing that gave away that it wasn’t Carnage or Cletus was the pure height of the person. They had to be at least 8 feet tall, if not more. They were huge in comparison to you. You backed away, hitting the door of the truck as you slid around it, trying to get as much space between you and whoever this was. 

They didn’t seem to care, as they moved with you, around the truck and then behind it. You turned, trying to sprint away, but you yelped when you were suddenly pulled off the ground and into the air. You kicked your legs behind you, knowing it was them who had you, but it was no use.

Suddenly, you were dropped right back onto the concrete, and landed right on your nose. As soon as you hit the ground, you heard a crunch, and you were able to tell that your nose was broken after a few seconds. For a minute, you didn’t do anything, your mind still reeling being dropped a few feet face first, along with the upcoming pain of your nose. However, the noise of a fight made you roll over onto your back and lift your head up to see Carnage and the stranger having their own little fight.

Your eyes widened, seeing how effortlessly he was just batting Carnage away with his hand. Everytime Carnage would try to strike, or even just go near them, the attacker would just swat him down and away. It was like some game to him: it would’ve been amusing to watch had you not been terrified.

Carnage, on the other hand, seemed enraged. Like whoever it was, had pissed him off so much that he didn’t even care about you at that moment, and all he wanted to do was kill them. You could even hear Cletus every time he yelled or screamed, meaning that even he was irate about whoever it was as well.

However, it seemed that even the man, as you had figured out by then, was getting bored of his attacks. His movements seemed to be more lazy and disinterested: he was irritated. 

Suddenly, he grabbed Carnage by the neck, like he did with you, however much more aggressively. Carnage started to kick and bat his arms around, almost trying to scratch the stranger's face. 

“I am done with this childish game, Carnage.” They said it with such annoyance and malice that even you winced at their tone. They moved him to the side, just for a moment, before they threw him away, at least a few couple meters away. Carnage was thrown so far away, that you couldn’t even see them through the darkness. 

You lifted yourself up onto your arms, going to see what the hell happened to him, when you realized that your sudden movement attracted the attention of him. 

“Oh, fuck.” you quickly tried to scurry away, looking around for places to hide. Before you could even think of the best place, you were picked up (again) by the man. He cradled you like you would break at any moment. You tried to say something, but he shushed you. 

“It’s ok, my dear.” he whispered, trying to soothe you. You didn’t listen to him, instead kicking and trying to push away from him. You saw his smile falter, but only a little. 

He began to walk away, carrying you towards the woods, opposite of where Cletus and Carnage were. You realized what was going on, and you were starting to panic. You started to scream, but he placed his hand over your mouth, and rubbed your cheek with his thumb. 

“Oh, don’t cry _____, I promise that we’ll be home soon enough-”

The sound of an agonized, irate scream broke his sentence. The man rolled his eyes, and turned around. Carnage was there, his own ‘skin’ falling down from his face, revealing Cletus underneath, who seemed to be passed out.

“Give them back!” Carnage trudged along, and it was obvious something was wrong with their legs. Looking at it further, it seemed to be the knee bending inwards. Even still, they continued on with, stumbling towards the both of you. 

With a scoff, the man raised his hand. “Rumble. Deal with them.” he began to turn, just as carnage was getting ready to strike. However, that moment never came. A blur of purple and orange appeared, slamming Carnage into the store through the window, a loud burst of shattering glass being thrown everywhere, including towards you. 

You raised your hands, bracing for the tiny little pieces to hit you, when you felt the hand be removed from your mouth. You opened your eyes, realizing that the man was shielding you from the glass. He wasted no time, either, turning back around to the woods. 

As he walked away from the brutal carnage (heh) behind you, he looked down at you with such adornment and endearment that you almost thought that he was out of it.

“My name is Knull, little one. And you are my child.”

.

.

.

BONUS:

Eddie leaned against the car door, already pissed that he had to wait. He knew that he was a kid, and that his symbiote wasn't even really grown, but he didn't know them very well. For all he knew, it could be some ploy by Carnage and Cletus themselves.

Give it time, Eddie. He might still show. He could already hear Venom sympathizing with them. "I know, I know. Just tired."

Right before he decided to just get in and drive away, he heard a small thump from behind him. He turned his head, and saw him. He was wearing a hoodie, and almost ran towards Eddie.

"Where the hell were you?" He scoffed, not wasting any time. He got in the drivers seat, while the kid got into the passenger.

"Hey, do you know how hard it is to sneak out when your parents are watching you like a hawk? Besides, I got some info."

As he started to drive, Eddie quickly asked, "What kind of info, trustworthy?"

The kid sighed, before saying, "I know you don't trust me very well because of the whole 'spawn of carnage' deal, but I don't like him any more than you do."

Listen to him! Even his own, uh, child doesn't want to follow him!

Eddie sighed, knowing that he was wrong. "Ok. I understand." he leaned in closer, making sure that the kid knew he heard him. "But if I find out your lying to me, it's over for you."

He could hear Venom berating him, but he quickly became quiet when the kid responded, "Hey, that's a deal. Besides, if anyone's gonna kill him..."

His hand morphed into something red and black, shifting into the symbiote before shifting back into a human.

"It's gonna be me and Toxin."

~~~

I did it! happy christmas to those who celebrate! and yes, one of the main reasons I decided to rewrite this whole series was because I wanted to include a lot more symbiotes that would make their own part and plays!

also, personally I think Carnage is portrayed more in a feminine way, so originally I gave the she/her pronouns but I looked it up and it was 50/50 so I decided to just change them to they/them, so whatever you view them as can be portrayed here!

love you all sm, thank you for such a great year, and for being so patient with me! I love, love all of you so much o(*￣▽￣*)ブ

[soap143]

heyy! I saw your requests are open, was wondering if you could write a 3racha tickle fic with cute lee!han, maybe one where they come into his room and practically BEG him to let them tickle him cause they miss his cute laugh HAHA but turns out he doesn't really need that much convincing cause he's been waiting for his hyungs to wreck him for a while now and was just top shy to ask 🥺

Idk, I read on your bio that you're still figuring this whole thing out so I thought if I suggested some ideas it could help, but you do what's most comfortable for you!! Love your writing, have a good day 🩷

I am genuinely kicking my feet, swirling my hair and giggling rn. I did figure it out and I will try my best. Thank you so much anon! 🙂 Btw I don’t know anything about their living space and what they do during the day (apart from dance practice and just music stuff). Remember that this is purely fiction

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Missed you

Lee!Han

Ler!Chan and Changbin

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Stray Kids had been working extra hard these past few days, especially 3racha. They just had to make sure their new comeback was perfect and would leave their fans satisfied (and it will!). The infamous trio had already had a few sleepless nights, leaving them exhausted, so, when they were informed that this day was completely free from work, they were sure as hell happy.

The group decided to only rest this day, considering how productive they had been all week long. Jeongin, Seungmin and Hyunjin planned to spend the day snacking and cuddling while finishing up the kdrama they had started a few weeks ago, but were forced to temporarily pause because of all the work they had. Minho and Felix wanted to go to a local bakery for breakfast and just chill and peacefully walk around the city, leaving 3racha mostly alone in the dorms, considering the other three boys would be too invested in the TV show to notice anything they would do.

Obviuosly, after a few sleepless nights, the only thing on their mind was to nap for most of the day. However, Han was convinced in sleeping alone in his room that he shared with Seungmin (he probably doesn’t but let’s pretend he does). Chan and Changbin were a little suspicious but too tired to care.

The hyungs of 3racha only slept for about an hour before they both agreed that they needed Han to sleep in the same bed as them. His presence was important, ok? “Let’s go to his room, I’m pretty sure he pushed both beds together to sleep better” Changbin groggily said “Um… I’m not sure, he seemed like he didn’t want to be disturbed…” Chan answered as he shoved his head into Changbins chest, bear hugging him with his arms and legs “Pleaaase, Channie hyungggg…!” the shorter boy whined “Noooooo Changbin hyungggg” the kangaroo giggled as he pressed Changbin closer to him, suffocating said boy in the process “Nohohoho, C-Chahan I can’t breath~” Chan just giggled and nuzzled his head into the crook of Binnies’ neck. When the chocolate bar boy did that, it immediately reminded Changbin of Han — he would love shoving his face into all kind of crooks, he said that it was more comfortable that way “Let’s go to Hannies room now! I miss him too much!” Chan gave in with a loud groan on the side of Changbins neck, making him giggle “Alright, you win, let’s go”

Han was laying in his bed, which was now double the size, considering that he had pushed both of the beds in his room together. Nonetheless, he just couldn’t fall asleep, no matter how big and comfortable his sleeping space was. He groaned loudly and flopped around. Since today was supposed to be a rest day, he couldn’t annoy anyone to get what he wanted so badly. Chan and Changbin were sleeping and he wouldn’t dare to disturb the remaining three boys in the dorm. So, he had no other choice other than just lay sorounded by darkness and suffer. Sounds dramatic, but it’s true.

“Be quiet! I’m about to open it!” Chan whisper yelled “I am being quiet!” “Just shut up for once, goddamit!” the aussie slowly turned the doorknob and pushed the door open. He expected to see Jisung fast asleep, but was surprised to find him laying on his back, staring at the ceiling “Gosh, who hurt you, mate?” Chan giggled as he ran and jumped on top of his bandmate, Changbin laying on top of them all “Why are you here?! I was sleeping!~” “Yeah, yeah, of course you were” “You seemed to invested in the ceiling to care about sleep!” “Ugh, just shut up!” “We miss your laugh!” “Yeah, I haven’t been able to hear it this past week! Why are you so grumpy?” Changbin said poking the very bottom of the human tower (aka Han)”Gahaha don’t do that, tell me a joke instead to make me laugh!” “Oh, I didn’t know you were ticklish, Hannie~” Chan said, poking both sides of his body with his fingers “AHaha no, please~” the other two boys simply smiled, looking at eachother with mischievous smirks.

They both slowly got off the poor boy, trying to not be suspicious. To be honest, Han knew what was coming, in fact, he was waiting for it to happen, the dark room only fueling his anticipation. He was too tired to even stop them, or maybe he just wanted them to do it. Usually, nobody would even ask before starting the merciless attack. However, Chan and Changbin must have noticed that Jisung was not going to stop them, so they decided to tease him a bit “Hey Hannie…~” “Watcha doing?~” the quokka cocked his eyebrow in suspicion “I know that this week has been very complicated and that we’ve all been working very hard without any time to spare, but that doesn’t mean that you get to be grumpy and not laugh for a whole week straight” Chan said with a teasing voice “And uh, w-where are you going with this…?” “Can we tickle you?” “Pleahehease~~” Han was thankful that the room was dark, because he was more red than a tomato “W-whahat, no! Obviously no!” oh please do “Pleasepleasepleaseplease can weeeeeeee, we promise not to touch again for the rest of our lives” “Ummm… No” the dweakki started flopping around while whining like a child “Please please please plehehehehease! I swear Hahahan Jisuhuhng~~~~” the poor boy didn’t know how much longer he could handle it “Uggghhh, ok fine, you can…” He tried to sound as disappointed as he could. Both of the lers got to work immediately, Changbin grabbing his wrists and sitting on his palms to keep his arms in place “Are you ready~” Chan asked, placing his hands on the quokkas sides. Han just giggled in anticipation, waiting for him to attack “Juhuhust doho it…” “Oh? You could’ve just said so!” Chan teased as he started to squeeze the dreaded spot “AHAHAHA, ChahHAHnnie hyUHUHUHng” “Hey, it’s not just him here!” Changbin protested poking both of the lees armpits “AHAHAHEHEHA BIHIHIHIENIEHE HYUHUHUNG!” both of the attackers simply giggled at his desperate begging. Soon enough, both of the 3racha hyungs got tired of the two spots, deciding to change things up a bit “Ok, so if you can hold your laugh in as I tickle you in your chosen spot, we will stop” what? Han definitely didn’t want this to stop! “Umm… My thighs?” Chan smiled and leaned into Changbin to whisper into his ear “This boy obviuosly wants to be wrecked! Should we tease a little longer or just give him what he wants?” Changbin smiled and shook his head “He deserves a reward after such long week full of work” Both of the singers smiled and looked to the squirrel laying laying below them. He had heard everything “Ok so, are you ready? You must not laugh for a full 12 seconds!~” Han blushed and giggled “Ohohok…” the wolf placed his palms on top of his thighs and slowly wrapped his fingers around the muscle surrounding his leg. He nodded his head, signaling for the shortest of the three to start counting “one, two…” once he started counting, Han could feel fingers pushing into the sensitive flesh. He immediately smiled and held back a giggle “four… fiiivvve” Jisung just wanted them to stop teasing with the stupid games, but that wasn’t a problem for long, because once Chan started aggressively pressing and squeezing his thighs it was over “AHAHAHAHAH PLEHEHEAHAHASEPLEASHEHESE CHAHAN I LOHOHOHST I LAHAHAHA-…!” Both ticklers seemed to be satisfied with the reaction.

All three of the boys were smiling and giggling, one because of the fingers that were being shoved into his armspits and hips and the other two because of the ridiculous reactions of the very first boy “PLEHEAHASE, PLEASE, IHAHAH CAHAHAN’T ANY MOHOHORE!” “Of course you can, I know how much you love this~” Changbin teased poking his neck, stopping the deep belly laughter and replacing it with sweet giggles “Ahahahehehe Binieehehehe~” “Oh my God, I can’t believe I’ve been living without this sound for a whole week” Changbin said, fake wiping a tear “Youhuhu,re so dramatic” Chan giggled, tracing shaped into Han’s stomach “Ahaheheheheahah, ple-pleheheahase…~” the lee just couldn’t stop chuckling because of the tickly feeling on his stomach and neck “You’re so cute, but I don’t want you to pass out” Chan said with one last squeeze to his side “Yeah, I think we should stop…” Changbin “agreed” as he lowered his head and blew a raspberry onto Hans collarbone “OHOHOHOH MAHAH GAHAHAHA! WHYYY?!?!” Changbin just snickered and switched the torture to his neck “EHEHEHEAHAHAHA STOHOHOHOHP PLEHEHEAHAHASEHEHE~” “Alright, enough now Binnie~ He will die if you don’t stop” the dwaeikki pouted but stopped, bear hugging the maknae of 3racha andbringing him down onto the bed “Let’s sleep now, I’m exhausted~~” “Yeah, me too” Han agreed.

All three men were cuddled up in Seungmin’s and Han’s beds. Jisung was much more tired, almost falling asleep. He had a silly smile on his face. He couldn’t stop thinking about that wrecking that had had just a few minutes prior. Chan and Changbin were smiling too, knowing how much Hannie loved it.

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Ok, so request are going to be open from now on. I’m on vacation for now, so I’ll be able of completing them, but I’m not sure how active I will be next week. Thank again, request will be highly appreciated🙂❤️

[lilacs-world]

I feel like I’m chronically not okay but idk if I’m valid enough to label myself as chronically ill. I am able to work 40h a week but with the cost of laying in bed the rest of the day when I’m back home. In the weekends I sleep mostly. My room is a disaster because I never have the energy to tackle the chaos. I wished I was able to walk to work and back but standing for more than 15 min is already exhausting me and I get dizzy and lightheaded. I am constantly in pain, my normal pain level is on good days at a 2 on bad days it’s at a 4 or 5 but maybe I’m too modest about my pain due to fear of admitting I’m not okay. I am always tired even if I sleep usually enough. At times I feel more refreshed with only 4 hours of sleep hell knows why. I am waking up daily at 5:45am to get myself ready for 8am work. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be a functioning adult. I am scared of the moment I will unmask bcs im masking daily due to Audhd. Plus daily I’m confused because we are often switching and my quality at work at times fluctuating and my TLs wondering wtf bcs we know u know all the processes so wtf. Daily I feel like I know only a specific part of the processes and I have days where I ask so many questions that one of the TLs told me they are growing gray hairs bcs of me asking so much. The doctors in my country are shit when I mentioned suspecting we are a system they said nah it’s just ur anxiety. When I questioned if I have adhd my former psych said nah only kids can have it. My former therapist said yeah after unofficially diagnosing me with it. Autism I suspect that too and I got my confirmation more or less from my bf who’s on the spectrum as well. He got his confirmation he has adhd as well by me noticing lots of adhd things in him and he has now meds whilst me is in this godforsaken country that isn’t taking me seriously. I got my confirmation I have adhd when I took speed and realised for the first time "so this is how neurotypicals experience their life?" I for once had a train of thoughts in order and not a carambolage of luggage’s getting stuck in the baggage claim belt. I sobbed so hard. On good days I am able to remember and memorise lots of shit. But on bad days I barely anything. My body is out of control. I have pcos and it’s ravaging my body. I grow hair on my chin and arms and it’s making me uncomfortable and I developed anxiety about having hair in my face to the point over pluck and over shave it. My period is out of control. I either bleed for 2 months consecutive or I don’t have my period for 6 months. I am anemic due to it. I am such a pale human that I’m constantly being asked if I am okay. Oh yeah not to forget having an autoimmune disease since I am 2 years old. Having to deal with psoriasis break outs each winter where I end up being covered on my legs, arms , ass with skin patches of psoriasis. At times it’s even in my eyebrows and on my scalp. Each winter is a torture for me. I am battling with depression as well. Luckily this last year it wasn’t so overbearing and I felt more human than I used to in the past. Nonetheless my anxiety is ravaging and leaving me crippled daily. I sound ridiculous talking about myself rn bcs in my brain I feel like you aren’t this sick or unwell you are faking this you are a horrible human for saying all this things but I know it’s probably my internal ableism and the internal critical subconsciously developed voices of my surroundings telling me I’m not actually sick and I need to go to work even if sick etc. Sigh. Idk where I wanted to go with this whole post. I know you guys don’t see often a personal post from me or posts from me and more reblogs of stuff I enjoy seeing and stuff I wanna boost and stuff I find important or relatable or stuff that I think might make someone feel better and less anxious or feel seen. I hope this is fine. I hope being more real is helpful. Maybe I should do this rambling on my other blog @unfilteredrealities where I tried to talk about life in a real way , unfiltered. You can even send in your own submissions if u want to.

Anyway thanks for reading my ted talk.

TLDR: I don’t know if I’m actually chronically ill and if I’m valid enough to label myself as that and then I rambled about my life experiences with audhd, did, anxiety, depression, pcos, psoriasis and there are more but I’m exhausted.

[gonsobomb]

I don’t understand a lot of peoples’ grievances with Jack Perry. I think he’s perfectly serviceable, definitely not this over-pushed nepo-baby who doesn’t deserve to be where he’s at. My guess would be it’s hold out anger from brawl out which isn’t helped by the scapegoat character just being a constant reminder of it. This isn’t me saying I hate the scapegoat either I actually really dig it but saddling him with a gimmick whose only purpose is to remind us of what happened further damages his relationship to the fans. Same with having him join the elite. I think Darby made reference to it even before their recent feud that jack got the job bc he was friends with the bucks, being socal natives and all. But we never saw that materially on screen until they brought him back in and that just leads back again to the punk stuff. Would Perry be in the elite rn if not for brawl out? I don’t think so. But I wanna share some ideas I have as to where I’d have taken the scapegoat.

So I’m not rewriting history here so much as changing the handling of events. Brawl out still happens and Perry is still sidelined. He rocks up in New Japan as the scapegoat and rips up the contract. Hell you’d still have the bucks bring him back in as a wink and nudge bc that’s what they do they like to push buttons. But I wouldn’t have him join the elite. The current elite aesthetic with the bucks and okada wearing suits clashes way too hard with the scapegoat aesthetic which is honestly my biggest problem with all of it lmao. Have the bucks bring him in and say “hey pal you owe us one.” You can still do anarchy in the arena and blood and guts that way. He’s friendly but not a member.

So this is where we go a different way. Go full Raven. I think he comes in talking about sacrifice like he does now. But that’s all he does is talk about it; make him show it. Have him go up to the jobber regulars and talk about how he was down and out once too. Give them a pat on the back and tell them that before everything big you have to sacrifice something. Nonsense stuff but that’s okay bc it works and gets them on his side. Just scrolling through the roster you could give him Aaron Solo, Kip Sabian, and fuck it idk Griff Garrison. Guys who haven’t amounted to much and they help him win the tnt title. Hell I think Perry and Anna Jay are still dating throw her in there too like Raven had Beulah. Call them The Herd or something lmao. And just have him be a prick. He can make his little movies it’d be great. And eventually one of them, probably Kip, can get tired of the abuse and turn on him and win the belt eventually and boom you got another guy outta it instead of whatever the fucking daddy issues thing he’s doing with Christian is. Plus the box head thing kinda fits in with the scapegoat if you wanted it I think you could make it work. And how good would it be to have this wealthy nepo baby pretending to be this grungy cult leader guy idk I’d love it I think there would be lots to play with there

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

hii! im kinda having a hard time rn so i wanted to request a marilyn x fem reader. they are gfs and both work at nevermore. the reader is having a hard time with some stuff and marilyn starts to notice over a couple of days (at the house and at the school). marilyn sits the reader down and tries to talk with them but the reader just says they’re “fine”.

a couple days later while they are doing their routine before work and the reader starts breaking down into tears and explains to marilyn how they are feeling. (a lot of fluff/marilyn going full protective mode)

Yess!!! Since I've read you're not okay, I decided to give priority to your request. Look, I don't know what are the problems you're having, but you have to know that everything always is gonna be all right. I suffered a lot of problems when I was at school years ago, and those days were the worst of my life.

But now I'm a new person, and I don't care what other people thinks about me. I know I can't do nothing to cheer you up, all I can do is to write this for you, and to let you to know that here is a friend to listen to you if you want to talk to someone!! Be strong and love yourself, it's the only way to happiness :)

Every little thing, gonna be all right

Pairing: Marilyn Thornhill x Fem, Teacher! Reader

Warnings: Angst, hurt & comfort, mentions of depression

Word count: 2,254

Summary: You’re having a hard time, and there is no one who could cheer you up, or so you thought

N/A: Requests are open!!! Sorry about the delays, I’m working hard on your requests. I love you all!!! Sorry about the language mistakes, and please, be happy, life is wonderful!!!

The beep of the alarm clock brought you out of one of your anguishing nightmares. Normally you had no problem getting up, but for a few days, it was more difficult than ever. You turned off that horrible sound with a sudden blow and looked at the ceiling with a blank look.

“Another shitty day…” You whispered in a low voice.

Next to you, your girlfriend moved as she did every morning, hugging you half asleep.

“Good morning… (Y/N),” she said with her voice still asleep.

You hugged her to your chest.

Marilyn wasn't the problem. There was really nothing wrong with your life. You had a job, a house, a perfect girlfriend. Anyone looking at your life from the outside could be envious. That wasn't what made you wake up tired, sad.

It was some kind of transitory phase, or so you thought. Stress was also to blame. It was exam time and you had a lot of work. You stayed up very late correcting and that also led to a terrible lack of sleep.

You were depressed, listless, but you couldn't show it, not in front of her. Marilyn was so kind and so protective that she would surely call Larissa to tell her that you couldn't go to work, that you needed her care and words of encouragement. You probably needed them, but you didn't want to admit it.

It was enough that you were like this. You didn't want your girlfriend to suffer. She was too empathetic and you didn't want to give her a hard time. You decided to hide.

“Good morning, Mari,” you said, feigning a happier tone. She snuggled closer to you with a warm smile.

“I don't want to go to work…” She whispered childishly. “I want to stay here with you.”

If it wasn't for her, you'd be completely lost. Her words were the only thing that kept you tied to reality. Without her you would have gone completely crazy.

A thunder was heard outside. The weather was not helping your spirit. It hadn't stopped raining for three days, and that could depress even Marilyn, who always seemed like the happiest person in the world.

The idea of getting out of work was tempting, but you shook your head, noticing how the redhead fell asleep again.

“Come on, lazy girl. Larissa is going to kill us if we're late again,” you said, shaking her gently. She made a groan of protest as you pulled back the covers and looked up at you with a tired look.

“Lately we've never been late…” She sighed, sitting up on the bed. You were taking off your pajamas to get into the shower and you looked at her with some embarrassment. She was right. Normally your love made you lose track of time in the mornings. You've already been reprimanded several times for being more than an hour late.

But not anymore. You hadn't made love for days. You knew Marilyn didn't want to bring it up. Your tiredness was very evident in your eyes. You felt guilty, worthless for not being able to give your girlfriend all the love you had for her. That conversation would come soon, but you tried to make it as late as possible.

“I know, there's a lot of work and…” You started to excuse yourself, taking off your pajama shirt. Marilyn smiled warmly at you, and she hugged you from behind, kissing your now bare shoulder.

“Calm down, (Y/N). It wasn't a reproach...” She whispered to you, giving you a pat on the back. “Just an observation,” she teased, winking at you.

You made a superhuman effort to smile back as you went into the bathroom. A hot shower would certainly do you good, but you can’t have good luck even with that.

“Ahhh! Damn!” You yelled, feeling a jet of icy water on your body. Marilyn ran in.

“My God, what's wrong?” The redhead asked, stunned by your abrupt reaction.

“The, the hot water…” You stammered. “It, it doesn't work…” Your words trailed off at the same time that the water began to heat up.

Marilyn shook her head and gave a slightly wary smile.

“(Y/N), you have to wait a while, you know…” She told you, incredulous by your reaction.

You were angry. Angry for making a fool of yourself, for feeling frustrated and for not being able to vent. You would never think of paying for it with her. It wasn't her fault, no one was.

Things were as always. A hot shower with your girlfriend, a quick breakfast, and a horrible cold when you leave the house.

“Let's go in my car today,” you said, pressing the keys’ button. Marilyn nodded, but when she turned her gaze, her face changed.

“Umm, (Y/N)…” she said shyly, nodding towards the vehicle.

“What?” You asked, opening the door. The rain was starting to wear off your patience. Marilyn only pointed to one of the wheels. “Oh, no”

It was punctured. Definitely everything around you seemed to be against you. You snorted and leaned your head against the vehicle.

“Surely it was the other day branch. I told you we should have taken a better look,” The redhead said, putting a hand on your back.

You pursed your lips and stepped away from the car. You had to make a great effort not to answer rudely or abruptly.

“Yeah, I've noticed, thanks,” you said with your voice a little wrapped in anger.

The road to Nevermore was as boring as ever. Whenever you weren't driving, you were the DJ, playing upbeat and uplifting music to start the day off right. Not that day, you only listened to the local radio station.

“(Y/N), are you alright? Normally I have to fight with you to turn down the music,” Marilyn asked you.

You looked at her briefly and then put your head back on your hand.

“My head hurts,” you lied, although the lie was even worse.

“Don't worry, when we arrive we'll ask the nurse for an aspirin and…”

“No, no, no. I'll pass. It must be the pressure change due to the storm...”

There was no further conversation and you were grateful that it was so. You didn't want to speak badly to her, she didn't deserve it. She gave everything for you, always, and you used to do the same. You used to.

The classes were bad. Your patience was running low, and you didn't feel like joking like you used to. You were abrupt, sulking, not wanting to put up with the whispers of the kids. Naturally they noticed and kept silent, looking at you almost fearfully.

The bell rang and you felt a certain release.

“Go away...” You sighed, letting yourself fall into the chair. The students looked at you strangely, surely wondering where their usual teacher was, the one who always joked when explaining a writer’s life.

It was too late for lunch and too early to dinner. You pulled out a file cabinet full of overdue papers and began to read them, angrily pulling out your red marker. There was going to be a lot of bad results.  

“Stupid, stupid!” You said furiously, putting a huge X on one of the jobs. “It's not Marie Curie, it's Mary Shelley, you idiot!”

“(Y/N), don't be so hard on them, they do what they can,” the redhead told you, leaning on the door.

You shook your head and closed your eyes, trying to stay calm.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, noticing how hard it was for you to move your muscles to fake a smile.

“You haven't come for lunch, I assumed you were busy,” she said bending down to give you a kiss. “Oh, I almost forgot, here.”

Marilyn reached into her pocket and offered you what looked like one of your favorite candy bars.

“Thank you Marilyn, you're always taking care of me…” You sighed, taking the appetizer and looking at it melancholy. The redhead bent down and she kissed you again, but this time she didn't pull away, she just stared at you, as if she was examining your expression.

“Honey, lately you've been a bit... Apathetic. Excuse me but I think something is wrong with you,” she told you, caressing your cheek.

Nothing went unnoticed by her. You shook your head, feeling a familiar ache in your throat and the sensation of blurry vision.

“N, no… I'm fine, Mari, just a little tired,” you said, praying that the tears weren't too evident in your eyes.

“Sweetie… If something happens to you, all you have to do is…”

“I'm fine, Marilyn, really. I'm sorry, but I'm kind of busy and…”

Your girlfriend's look turned sad, disappointed, but she nodded and walked out the door without saying a word.

You couldn't feel worse.

The rest of the day was boring. Marilyn came to see you a couple of times, and you to her, but barely speaking. You only looked into space with a lost look, noticing how the gray clouds in the sky were a faithful reflection of your feelings.

The next day…

That thunderous beeping again. That beep that brought you back to reality. The routine was slowly killing you.

When you opened your eyes you didn't even feel like complaining or saying a bad word. You just got out of bed, not letting Marilyn hold you. You walked towards the kitchen as if you were a zombie, an automaton condemned to do the same thing over and over again. You started the coffee maker and you stayed contemplating how the coffee was coming out.

“(Y/N), you woke up early…” A sleepy Marilyn said, walking towards you and hugging you from behind, kissing your shoulder like every day.

“I wanted to make coffee…” You said resignedly, taking two cups from the cupboard. “Do you want some?”

“Of course,” she told you happily, sitting on the stool.

You ate breakfast in silence. Marilyn seemed just as happy as ever, but you were staring at the mesmerized counter and its design marks.

“I've been thinking…” Marilyn said as she got dressed. You were sitting on the bed and you looked at her slowly, coming out of your dark world of sadness and desolation. We could go on vacation in two weeks. “You know... Just you and me, with no Nevermore, no students or exams.”

You nodded with a slight smile. You still had the towel wrapped around your body. Your clothes for that day were on top of a chair, but something prevented you from taking them. Maybe it was the weather.

“I have thought about Florida. Also, we can go to see alligators, I know you like them.”

You couldn't take it anymore. The tears that were forming in your eyes finally found their way down your cheeks. It was a lot of pressure kept for many days. At some point they had to get out.

Marilyn turned around and her face changed completely. She ran towards you and crouched looking at you concerned, grabbing your hand.

“My girl… If you don't like Florida we can go to another…”

“No, it's not that, Mari…” You sobbed, grabbing her hand tightly. “I lied to you, Marilyn.”

“What?” She asked scared.

“Yes, something is wrong with me, I just, I just don't know what it is...”

“My love... Why didn't you tell me?”

“I didn't know what to tell you... I don't know what's wrong with me...” You said broken into tears. Marilyn sat next to you on the bed and wiped away your tears.

“Try it, honey… I want to help you,” she told you softly. You shook your head and took a breath.

“I feel submerged in a gray and routine world. Everything is stressful. The classes, the exams. I feel as if I were in a hamster wheel, rolling over and over again,” you explained in the best way that your tears allowed.

“That's normal, honey, it happens to a lot of people…” She told you, holding your other hand.

“I Don't know. I don't feel like anything…” You kept crying, being unable to stop yourself.

“My poor girl…” She whispered, pulling you towards her. “Come here, let me give you some love...”

Gently, Marilyn cradled you in her arms. Your tears wouldn't stop coming, but it was comforting to let them go. You had been holding them back for a long time. You didn't know exactly what the reasons were, but little by little you began to feel better, feeling safe as she slowly cooed to you. The silence was broken by a soft hum.

“Mmmm, don't worry… about a thing…” She sang softly. Her voice was so soft that it made your heart beat faster. “Come on, you know the lyrics...”

“Cause…Every Little thing…Gonna be all right…” You sang with a broken voice…

You stayed that way for a moment, singing softly as you swayed.

It was hard to believe, but you felt much better. She was everything you could want. Sometimes you doubted that she was normi. She had the power to paint the grayest things in many colors, to make the sun rise in the cloudiest and stormiest sky.

“Marilyn…” You said, wiping away what was left of your tears.

“Hmm?”

“I would really like to go on vacation with you… Wherever you want…”

The redhead smiled and she kissed you on the lips, probably sensing the salty taste of your tears.

“I love you, (Y/N)…” “Me too Mari… Me too…”

[shortnsweetgf]

i feel you may be getting more than you bargained for

im poly btw. t4t etc etc etc whatever. anyways. up until yesterday i had two gf’s, one who was ldr and the other who’s my roommate’s sister. literally broke up with the first one last night bc poly stuff wasn’t working for her which is hence why i asked this other person to make me a drink, and she knows why bc she went how are youuuu and i was so tired and i’m like hm. i don’t know her well enough to be honest and thought about it for way too long so i was just silent for like a minute and then laughed and went im fineeee and she was like THAT was a response. n then i was blushing bc fuck she’s CUTE. like damn im over here trying to be normal. the amount of times i’ve sat in this kitchen looking at someone with heart eyes while my roommate is semi oblivious is embarrassing. anyways. like i said. best behavior. im leaving them be. plus i have work tomorrow

housing situation is a whole mess of its own but, my roommate’s sister isn’t *actually* his sister, she’s found family but they consider each other that. when i first met her she was wearing like tight leggings and a crop top and i was trying so so hard but i was looking and she said since seeing me she had already decided she’d be down if i was. roommate had a bday party and we ended up talking more and cuddling and yeahhhh. it was pretty great tbh. she’s so sos so so so cool (she’s also like 8 years older than me but that’s besides the point) and so nice and she drives a lime green motorcycle and i’ve ridden on the back of it and tbh it wasn’t as scary as i thought it was gonna be! i trust her. anyways she’s picking me up from work tomorrow and we’re going to this arcade bar that i’ve never been to with her friends and i’m nervous bc i haven’t met her friends, it is still a work night, night stuff isn’t always my scene and i still need to get my new loops. but anyways being with her is like hella new, like, maybe a little over a week and given things with the last person i told her i want to take things slow (ish) given how we started and it seems like we’re on the same page. so a lot going thru my head rn.

one, heartbreak bc literally last night and. OH FUCK. OH FICK FUCODJDJDJ okay. so. call me an asshole if u want but we broke up over text which is a whole thing and i apologized for it bc i should’ve waited. but she kept wanting like. like complete and total resolution and i didn’t want to lie to her. anyways i felt like i should resolve this more so i said we could call tn and i totally. fucking. forgot. gonna kms it’s way too late now, tf am i supposed to say to her. i was dreading that phone call but now i’m kicking myself im sitting here like half tipsy and a little giddy and FUCk

OH THIS GOT WILDER im not sober enough to know jow to answer yoh rn but good luck bestie i hope everything works out 😭

[mass-convergence]

A collarary to the advice of "they'll read it if they want to and they won't if they don't" is - they need to find it. People not reading your work is not a mark against its' quality, it's simply evidence that people haven't found it. As a published author myself I get it, it sucks when noone reads your work. It feels that you have put something out into the world and that it is being ignored. But it is not being actively ignored, it is not being judged as poor quality. It simply hasn't been found. Courage and patience. Don't be scared to send links to reviewers or people in other circles.

Sincerely - thank you.

Long, somewhat disorganized, ramble

It is frustrating, and part of this is my (admittedly ADHD related, though trying to blame it solely on that isn’t really getting the full picture) need for instant gratification and complete lack of patience in anything. And the general insecurity that if it doesn’t get some kind of recognition, positive or otherwise, that I’m just showing my whole ass to the world and people are being too polite to mention it. I also have issues with emotional regulation so it literally feels like someone’s squeezing my heart whenever I get into this state.

And I’ll be honest: I’m frustrated with people who have said they’ll read it or check it out and then never do. And I don’t feel like keeping on poking them and asking them if they are. Because I’ve gotten the “I’m sorry I’ve just been so busy” explanation about a hundred times now (only slightly exaggerating).

And I don’t want to call them liars because I’m an adult with a day job and a mountain of responsibilities that I’m only somewhat keeping up with. There’s plenty of stuff I want to watch or consume that I don’t have mental bandwidth to handle. I’ve read the first paragraph of Gideon the Ninth and I want to read more I just haven’t gotten a chance. Which also is lending to mental health issues but we do not have the time to unpack that rn.

This is something I’m passionate about and pouring my heart into and not even getting the bare minimum of support from people who purportedly said they’re interested is not really a fun spot to be in. (And I know one or two of my friends have been reading and I love you guys). My mom said she was gonna read it which is slightly terrifying because she’s not into queer fantasy but she’s also like unabashedly supportive and has been trying to get me to publish my writing and sell my art for goddamn ages. I’m not on the level of Tolkien or Pratchett or Gaiman (Martin you stay the fuck out of this) and I’m not trying to be them either. But I think I’m like decent.

And I guess I took some of the advice when I was writing fanfic that “well people who aren’t interested won’t read it so don’t worry about posting cringe” and extrapolated it to original fic. Which isn’t a 1:1 - people legitimately do not give a shit about other’s OCs unless they’re given a reason to care.

Side note: Partially the reason that while I could advertise this (and probably should) as a story lead by queer protags, two of whom are POCs, that doesn’t really tell you anything about them. Aside from representation. Admittedly: I’m not too great at self promo because I feel like I’m hyping me and my story telling ability way too much. Which is a self fulfilling prophecy when I inevitably don’t get any bites.

It’s a rough situation all around and frankly demotivating. Part of the reason I just didn’t post on Thursday because I was just so damn tired of posting and having to deal with the pain over and over again. I have a huge buffer of words and chapters and I’m frankly having a hard time deciding if I should keep posting them. I mean my last chapter didn’t get any notes except for the one reblog … which was my own fucking reblog onto this blog.

And I think I’ve come a long way from like not disparaging my own shit. I love my writing. I love my art. I just hate sharing it and not getting the same level of excitement I feel to tell a story I want to tell.

[polyrelatables]

Journal #18

I know it’s been awhile bt I’ve been focusing on myself, school and work. I’m working at Red Robin now I love it where I’m working the people are great ! Me and “him” are done for good, still stacking up bread to move out so we still live together rn so it’s still kinda hard but May 25th is the Last day that I’ll see him cause he’ll be on the road and by the time he comes back I’ll already be out of the house and into my new place.. he’s not going to know where I live. He still wants to be friends bt I told him that it’s hard for me to stay friends with him bc I’m in love with him bt I want him apart of my life still so I’m conflicted bc I know it’ll be better for me to love him from a distance, cause if I was to see him moving on with so many other girls than my heart would never heal. I just don’t understand how he can not love me in that way anymore after years if it’s just a couple months yea it’ll be easier but we have been through everything together. He’s seen me in the hospital I’ve seen him in the hospital, we’ve taken care of each other. He’s seen me and my most depressed episodes and I’ve seen him there and we’ve helped each other overcome them.. he’s helped me get away from my family’s abuse and I’ve helped him with his family’s neglecting. I’ve been his number one supporter with his music and future career he’s been my number one supporter with my schooling for counseling. Whenever he was low on money I paid for what needed to be taken care of and he would do same for me. We argued a lot bc he experienced partying later on in his life and he ended up partying and dancing with other girls so it hurt me.. but I explained to him that he can’t dance and flirt with other girls when you have a girl, you can go to parties with girls around go ahead just don’t go flirting and dancing with em that’s all. Then him and social media is a whole other thing. He goes and likes, comments and saves other girls pictures, videos and stories but he doesn’t do any of that on my account so I addressed it and he said it’s just social media and I explained to him that he is making me look stupid bc nowadays that’s how you get in relationships, it’s through social media I mean we got together off of social media so no it’s not “just social media” it’s cheating. All of his friends are single and living that life and he envy’s them but I don’t get it bc I let him go out ALL the time, I only say to check in with me if he’s going to be out past midnight, I don’t bother him when he’s out, I let him go with boys any time he wants, I don’t stop him from that or from hopping on the game, I let him have friends that girls as long as it’s platonic, I let him be free because I got tired of arguing about those subjects so I let him be, I take care of his family, I take care of his house, I provide him money when he’s broke to go out. I take care of his room, make sure it’s clean, make sure he has food, make sure his laundry is done. He fed marriage and a family into me and my head and now he doesn’t want any of that bc I’m still “too much” for him. So he didn’t want to stop anything involving other girls so I told him that we were done for good as much as it hurts. I’ve done everything for him, I dropped my own life to take care of him and make sure he was always good. I’m still in school and I’m working, I’m stacking up and I’m moving out because he doesn’t love me anymore and I don’t know what I did to make him not love me anymore he says it’s not me, he says it’s him, he thinks he doesn’t deserve me so he always keeps doing stuff that will push me away and this time after 8 years I’ve finally given up.. it just hurts so for now I’m done with relationships in general. If in the future and I mean far future I decide to love again.. I really hope that I can find someone who will stay and not stop loving me out of nowhere because I never wanna go through this again. 💯