#too fat to boo boo

[sicko-phant]

Garden party... venus

[shirecorn]

Tumblr keeps popping up to sell me ad free dashboard. But what it doesn't understand is that me and the ads have a sort of symbiosis at this point.

The guys from the fake gameplay trailers for a predatory mobile app are my blorbos

[callistos-posts]

This thumbnail is literally B3NK1 and Robonyan

[teethcore]

i can't even complain about our cruel housemate without my angel making it about her.

[thornsnvultures]

Hi I’ve missed you on my dash that is all

[dorothylarouge]

US Presidents as Dril Tweets

George Washington: another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it

John Adams: "ah boo hoo hoo i want to post Foul comments to content leaders" Fat Chance, Dimwit. I will annihilate you under bulwark of the Law and God.

Thomas Jefferson: Q: If your post was proven by a counsil of wise men to be racist, or bullshit, would you bar it from the record? A: I do not delete my posts

James Madison: (sniffing a crumpled up one dollar bill i found on the floor of a dog kennel) ah.. thats greenbacks baby

James Monroe: for decades i have traversed the unforgiving mountains and rivers of south america, hoping to catch a glimpse of the fabled "ass downloader"

John Quincy Adams: "This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender," i holler as i overturn my uncle's barbeque grill and turn the 4th of July into the 4th of Shit

Andrew Jackson: handing Faves over to my enemies is FRAUD !! base, contemptible FRAUD!

Martin Van Buren: Food $200

Data $150

Rent $800

Candles $3,600

Utility $150

someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying

William Henry Harrison: (spends all of 7 seconds skimming some blog posts) yep. just as i knew all along. having pnuamonia is good

John Tyler: fuck "jokes". everything i tweet is real. raw insight without the horse shit. no, i will NOT follow trolls. twitter dot com. i live for this

James K. Polk: thhere is no such thing as charisma, and art is fake. the only metrics by which we must determine the worth of a man are Strength and Wisdom

Zachary Taylor: the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. i hoot & holler outta the building while a bunch of losers tell me that im dying

Millard Fillmore: trying to heal..... please donate to my go fund me... $10 will make me less racist... $100 will make me extremely less racist...thank you...

Franklin Pierce: blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin

James Buchanan: #NationalGirlfriendDay please cherish your gal's.. in honor of us, the single Boys who must sacrifice all companionship to #CarryTheBrand...

Abraham Lincoln: unloading an entire belt of ammo at me with a minigun or some such device will now get you "Blocked"

Andrew Johnson: who the fuck is scraeming "LOG OFF" at my house. show yourself, coward. i will never log off

Ulysses S. Grant: i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and Nice manners in this endless ocean of human SHIT

Rutherford B. Hayes: using the toilet when i hear Our national anthem start to play. i do what i must. i stand tall in complete agony; as shit runs down my leg,

James A. Garfield: too much truth in such little time. feeling the heat cominh down to silence me... signing off........ for now

Chester A. Arthur: i WILL wise the fuck up. i WILL super charge my content for 2017. i WILL get blue check mark

Grover Cleveland: the way i see it, people who come on here and submit content that is not up to par, could possibly be considered the "Villains" of this site

Benjamin Harrison: i help every body, im not racist, i keep myself nice, and when i ask for a single re-tweet in return i am told to fuck off, fuck myself, etc

William McKinley: boy oh boy do i love purchasing large amounnts of Fool's Gold. wait a minute... fools gold fucking sucks. this stuff is no good..!! Fuck !!!

Theodore Roosevelt: IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL

William H. Taft: ah.. the perfect Souffle! cant wait to dig in to t(*EVERY PIPE IN MY HOUSE EXPLODES AT THE SAME TIME, COVERING ME IN SHIT AND BOILING WATER*

Woodrow Wilson: the conflicted supersoldier stares over the horizon as he smokes a cigarette. "war is the most fucked up thing ever." he takes a sip of beer

Warren G. Harding: somebody please Bribe me

Calvin Coolidge: aggressively joyless oaf hhere. painfully obnoxious respect demander checkign in. extremely dim witted frowning man looking for pals

Herbert Hoover: it is really quite astonishing that I have yet to win The Lottery, given how good I am at selecting six numbers and saying them out loud

Franklin D. Roosevelt: ive never heard of this “europe” but it sounds like a big bunch of shit to me

Harry Truman: everybody wants to be the guy to write the tweet that solves racism once and for all because it would look good as hell on a resume

Dwight D. Eisenhower: my "F*&k It!! Let's Go Golfin" t-shirt maintains a tenacious stranglehold on my life. after 1,125 days of Golf my body is twisted, deformed

John F. Kennedy: when you do sutuff like... shoot my jaw clean off of my face with a sniper rifle, it mostly reflects poorly on your self

Lyndon B. Johnson: incredibly handsome , charismatic famous boy credited with ending income inequality after saying that slumlords should be called "dumblords"

Richard Nixon: i attribute the complete failure of my brand to the actions of detractors, oor my “trolls”, as it were, as well as my own constant fuckups

Gerald Ford: shutting computer down until the shitty moods & attitudes can fuck off., if you need me ill be on my other computer, sititng 60° to my right

Jimmy Carter: i warnned you all that bad things would happen if you kept letting your wives wear jeans. AND NOW LOOK! the damn gas prices are up again

Ronald Reagan: spend a lot of time thinking about how sometimes even war criminals can be heroes sometimes... Dont like it? Click the unfollow buttobn

George H.W. Bush: just thought off an idea i believe to be bad ass. lets find the address of the leader of isis, and mail him/ her pieces of our SHIT

Bill Clinton: were at the point now, that when i offer to impregnate my girl followers, people assume my motives are sexual. disgusting, grow the fuck up,

George W. Bush: friday night gathering up together a big pile of things i like to respect (flags, crucifixes ,etc) and just roll around in it ,give kisses,

Barack Obama: my IQ has increased 10 points ever since i stopped tollerating people mucking about, on the time line

Donald Trump: THERAPIST: your problem is, that youre perfect, and everyone is jealous of your good posts, and that makes you rightfully upset.

ME: I agree

Joe Biden: I will shut the fuck up , IF , it will restore the Harmony. I will get on my knees like a dog and make that sacrifice, for the sake of Calm

[strawberrymatchawhore]

i like freaks

"i'm a freak, is you a freak? cause i like freaks, boo. he ate my coochie, first night, yeah, i made him chew"

sitting on ur favs face!!

from faye- i know this isnt what i usually write, but i wanted to start incorporating other fandoms into my account . hopefully you all stay and enjoy it!! pls keep suggesting and asking :))

warning/s- DUBCON? drunk freakyness, dry humping, face sitting, fingering, aggressive fav!, one night stand, implied sex at the end, multiple rounds, overstimulation, fav wants u so bad he basically creamed his pants from eating you out

:(( switchy fav!, etc…

you always thought of yourself as a girl with higher standards, a girl that was too good for “one night stands”. however after countless days of non stop studying and a mix of work, your friends decided to go on a nonnegotiable girls night out.

why not go clubbing ?

after downing a multitude of drinks and dancing to your hearts content, it was no surprise when your dick deprived ass brought home the finest man in the building.

perhaps it started off as innocent kissing at the club, but the both of you sat here at this moment. sloppily making out on your fluffy couch.

“mmm” you groaned into his mouth, grinding your wet clothed cunt deeper onto his hard on. the both of you only in your underwear, suddenly he grabbed harshly onto your hips and dug his long slender fingers into the fat of your hips. surely to leave marks in the coming morning.

“f-fuck stop.” he whimpered, his soft plump lips slightly open. light breaths leaving his mouth.

“whats wrong? youre that sensitive?” you teased, desperately trying to gain the friction you lost again. he didnt budge though. he played with the band of your panties and with a quick pull he ripped them and lightly tossed you off the couch.

“i want you to sit on my face”

you stood above his laid out body, he smirked at your frame. clearly you were nervous by the way you were clenching your thighs together. never in your long years of life had a man asked you to do that.

what if you were too heavy?

what if you suffocated him with your thighs?

“yeah im not so sure abou- eek!!” you shrieked when his strong arms pulled you to his face. forcing you to straddle over him. you could feel his breath on your pussy, you clenched over nothing. and before you could even let out another protest he drove straight in.

his tongue licked up and down your sopping pussy, his hands massaged your ass and you immediately went to grab at his soft hair.

“oh.. oh my god.” you let out a satisfied moan and ground your pussy onto to his tongue. he continued to lap at it, he teased you by licking slowly up and down your folds and sucking on your swollen clit. practically drinking all the juice that leaked out of your pussy.

you were so fucking wet for him, and he loved how you tasted. he just had to feel you on the inside as well. he used his free hand and reached under your ass, he gave it a harsh smack before using the pads of his two fingers to slowly sink them into your cunt.

matching the rhythm of his tongue he continued to pump his fingers in and out of you. your moans and whimpers filled the room, your eyes were clenched shut at the intense pleasure and pure bliss you were feeling.

“please please please” he moaned into you, lapping faster and fucking his fingers into you at the same pace as well.

“baby you taste so good, are you gonna cum for me?”

“you gonna be a good girl? yeahh keep fucking grinding on my face i dont wanna breathe.. put all your weight on me slut c’mon” he stopped for a second before he started to devour you again.

you basically went nonverbal at the way he was treating you, this man was sent by the gods. how was he good looking and at the same time know how to treat a woman?

“im gonna cum.. fuck fuck fuck! feels so good keep going please. yes yes yes…” you cooed as your stomach tightened, you uncontrollably squeezed your thighs around his head as you came all over his tongue.

he didn’t stop there though, you didnt even realize that he came with you. he was so loud when eating you out. he used his big beefy biceps to hold your hips down when you pushed on the couch arms to try to get yourself out of his grip.

“oh! i think im gonna cum again, please stop.. please. oh shit!” you screamed when you squirted in his mouth, soaking his chin.. his neck.. probably the couch cushions as well.

he finally let you go and you laid down next to him, leg over his. your face rested on his chest, he looked down at you and laughed at you practically almost being passed out.

“dont fall asleep on me now.” he grabbed you and made you straddle his bulge.

“m’ tired, your mouth killed me.” you groaned hugging him.

“whats wrong? youre that sensitive?” he fired back, and you gasped jokingly hitting his chest. you felt his cock twitch and you smirked. grinding your cunny over his leaky tip, he let out a low moan and grabbed your hair to kiss you.

“let me stay the night yeah?”

[cockkette]

summer lovin’

lando norris x reader

warnings - somewhat chaotic lando and reader, mentions of pregnancy, insinuation of smut, some swearing, i think that’s it xoxo

face claims - girls on pinterest

y/n.l/n

liked by landonorris, yourbestfriend and 193,982 others

y/n.l/n: patiently waiting for the summer break 🙃🌊

comments

landonorris: i miss you baby 🧡

y/n.l/n: aww i miss you too baby

user1: they are so cute

landonorris: i miss that fat ass too 😏

liked by y/n.l/n

user1: i spoke too soon

user2: every night i pray for a normal lando and y/n interaction and everyday my prayers are denied

liked by mclaren

user3: lando is one of god's favorites y/n is so fine

user4: alexa play that should be me by justin beiber

user5: tbh i don't know who i want to be more

user6: B O A F boaf

mclaren: please bring lando back in one piece

y/n.l/n: no promises xx

user7: sending my thoughts and prayers to the mclaren pr team during the summer break

liked by mclaren

y/n.l/n: you can't blame me he has me so down bad i think i'm getting withdrawal symptoms

oscarpiastri: nurse she's out again

y/n.l/n: boo👎👎

user8: woof woof bark bark

landonorris: that's my job

user9: petition to save y/n from this loser

liked by yourbestfriend

y.n/l/n

liked by landonorris, mclaren and 252,099 others

tagged : landonorris

y/n.l/n: date nights are the best nights 🌅

comments

landonorris: the best way to start summer break, i couldn't think of anyone else i would rather have with me 🧡

y/n.l/n: ha you 'like' like me loser 🤣👉

landonorris: i take it back

y/n.l/n: 👎

user10: y/n is so real for that

user11: the only relationship ever

user12: they are my parents they just don't know it

user13: the fits always go hard

landonorris: you know it

oscarpiastri: please don't feed his ego

user14: oscar is so sick of his bs

mclaren: we all are

user15: LANY/N SUMMER BREAK CONTENT!!!

lilymhe: i miss you!

landonorris: you facetimed her 2 hours ago

lilymhe: SHUT UP

y/n.l/n: SHUT UP (affectionately)

landonorris: aww you love me 😁😁

liked by y/n.l/n

francisca.cgomes: is that portugal!

y/n.l/n: yep you convinced me!

liked by francisca.cgomes

user16: she's so fine 🤭

landonorris: yes she is and she's mine

y/n.l/n: cutie <3

user17: when will it be my turn

lando.priv

liked by y/n.l/n, danielricciardo and 42 others

tagged: y/n.l/n

lando.priv: date nights are fun but so is a night in

comments

carlossainz55: mate..

y/n.l/n: 🤭🤭

liked by lando.priv

maxverstappen1: i think it's time to put the phone away

charles_leclerc: i agree

lando.priv: haters

maxverstappen1: correct 👍

oscarpiastri: this is better than actually hearing it from the drivers room ig

y/n.l/n: soz babes xoxo

danielricciardo: goooo landooo 💪💪

lando.priv: finally some support, it's hard out here guys

carlossainz55: i bet it was

landonorris

liked by y/n.l/n, yourbestfriend and 538,299 others

tagged: y/n.l/n

landonorris: happy anniversary to the prettiest, kindest and smartest girl, i have spent 3 years loving you and i know i will spend the rest of my life loving you 💕

comments

y/n.l/n: i'm not crying you are

landonorris: darling i can hear you from the kitchen

y/n.l/n: get over here then!!

landonorris: sprinting over right now

y/n.l/n: good x

user17: walk him like a dog

georgerussell63: mate i'm getting whiplash from the difference between this post and your private post

landonorris: i'm a man of many talents

y/n.l/n: he really is

georgerussell63: you both disgust me 🤮

user18: GEORGE WHAT DO YOU KNOW

user19: screaming crying throwing up i love them your honour!!

user20: same but i'm screaming without the s looking at y/n

lilymhe: real

alex_albon: LILY!?

user21: lily is one of us

liked by lilymhe and y/n.l/n

y/n.l/n: i can't wait to spend the rest of my life showing you how much i love you, how proud of you i am and how super hot you are 💕💕

landonorris: fuck sake now i'm crying

landonorris: i am super hot though

user22: i knew they couldn't be wholesome for that long

y/n.l/n: what can i say it's part of our charm 🙃

user23: i need y/n's whole wardrobe rn!

y.n/l/n posted two stories

y/n.l/n

liked by landonorris, lilymhe and 158,890 others

y/n.l/n: great food and the best company!

comments

landonorris: i helped make the food btw 💪

olivernorris1: no... you just watched

landonorris: it's called moral support!

user24: at least he tried...

savnorris: lovely to see you darling, the girls have been asking for auntie y/n all day 😂

y/n.l/n: lovely to see you too! i miss them so much they are adorable!

user25: AUNTIE Y/N ARE YOU KIDDING

user26: THAT IS SO CUTE

flonorris1: i already miss you

y/n.l/n: i miss you too 💕

landonorris: girlfriend stealer 😠

flonorris1: stop being jealous that someone else had her attention for more than 2 seconds 🙄

landonorris: no.

user27: he's literally a child 🤣🤣

liked by flonorris1

user28: lando arguing with half of his family in the comments is taking me out

user29: norris family dinners seem so fun

y/n.l/n: they are!

lando.priv

liked by y/n.l/n, oscarpiastri and 38 others

tagged: y/n.l/n

lando.priv: your so hot have my babies please 🙏🙏🙏

comments

georgerussell63: you're getting blocked mate

y/n.l/n: if you insist...

lando.priv: hehehehe

y/n.l/n: nevermind that made me feel ill

lando.priv: sorry i let the dawg out 💔💔

alex_albon: the thought of mini landos is stressing me out

y/n.l/n: i think they would be cute 🫣

lando.priv: will be*

charles_leclerc: my children are on this app please stop this madness

oscarpiastri: thank you for speaking out

olliebearman: i'm scared dad

y/n.l/n

liked by yourbestfriend, landonorris and 328,912 others

tagged: landonorris

y/n.l/n: a staycation to end the summer break with my love

comments

landonorris: who is that absolute stunner on the last slide 🫦

y/n.l/n: idk he's pretty hot though do you think i could get his number

landonorris: yeah he totally likes you 😉

user30: ahhh they are so cute it's not fair

user31: i cannot wait for the wags to be reunited

user32: fr we need more wag content

yourbestfriend: i can't wait for summer break to be over so you will spend your time with me instead of him xxx

liked by y/n.l/n

landonorris: noooo

user33: the f1 world has never seen a better rivalry than these two

user34: lando and 'yourbestfriend' are my verstappen and hamilton

maxverstappen1: understandable

lewishamilton: i can't disagree with that

mclaren: we can't wait to see you both back in the paddock 🧡

y/n.l/n: i got a new papaya coloured dress especially for the occasion

landonorris: this isn't fair you look so good in it i won't be able to concentrate on the race 🫦

y/n.l/n: shut up 🤭

user35: what is lando doing in the last picture 🤣

alex_albon: he worries me

georgerussell: he's my sleep paralysis demon

y/n.l/n: he's a cutie leave him alone!

landonorris: yeah!

landonorris: my girlfriend is so hot

y/n.l/n: my boyfriend is so hot

landonorris: 🥰

user36: he is so down bad it's getting embarrassing

landonorris posted a story

this story has been deleted

a/n - thank you for reading i hope you enjoyed! i’m thinking of doing a part two so any feedback or suggestions would be fab <3

[subuwu-dyke]

Why even bother having big muscles if you're not gonna be fat and gay too . Don't boo me I'm right

[cyber333angel]

i think no one actually cares for older!logan LIKE I DO 😭 cus what i want is a hyperfeminine!reader where she constantly can’t breathe around this man even though they’re dating and he knows so he teases her about it 😵‍💫

sorry if you don’t want to write it!

byee I thought u meant she can’t breathe bc he smokes cigars too much but I got it boo <3

yes ever since you guys first met you had this huge schoolgirl crush on him and it continued even when you guys got together. maybe it was because you don’t have too much experience in dating but he just treats you so well and you can’t do anything but get shy. his dominance towards you is just natural instincts, like having you sit in his lap or hug you with his large body and he doesn’t really know why you get so mousy when he does it. and when he does realize you get nervous when he does those small acts of service he does it more often to see you overreact because he thinks it’s cute. he’s also always teasing you about your clothes because of how girly and short they are, grabbing at the fat of your ass that peeks beneath the skirts your wearing trying to embarrass you, “you trying to catch my attention with these tiny ass skirts, huh bub?” he says and you shake your head no shyly as usual. and your body is pressed on him as logan sits down, you standing up on his left talking with him. “no lo, i told you because it’s my style and its cute! don’t tease me s’not nice..” and logan only chuckles, he’s just poking fun and your already acting huffy.

[drbandy]

BOO

rainworld jumpscare I'm not at all a rainworld account that's my boyfriends job /hj but i don't have much fandom stuff to show for my random unannounced absence but i do however have rainworld ocs i've never shared so here FUNNY ITTERATORS!!!!!!!! Beetle (he/it) and Moth (she/fae)

moth and beetle lore (old fart slept for eternity don't bully him) AND THEN ATLAS (he/they) !!! he's fat and hungry and also dies a lot (he's just me and how bad i am at this game, my inability to take in lore is because i keep shititng myself that the big birds gonna come and eat me)

anyways hi im positing these cause i haven't posted in a while but i want too so take some old art

[a-punchline-on-duct-tape]

things i noticed on my re-read:

- ponyboy has “almost—red hair.”

- johnny can’t say “boo to a goose.”

- ponyboy owes johnny 150$ from poker while they were in the church

- just a HILARIOUS quote “sent from heaven? had he gotten a good look at dallas?” ponyboy micheal curtis is hilarious and i don’t wanna hear anything else

- ponyboy isn’t like his parents, but his brothers are

- the curtis and shepard gang have a weird whistle that means “who’s there?” and people don’t talk about it enough

- dally called ponyboy “sleeping beauty.”

- soda’s letter to ponyboy had so many spelling and grammatical mistakes.

- dally had stubble when he went to get ponyboy and johnny “a stubble of colorless beard.”

- johnny’s crazy about drag races.

- dally thinks everything was cherry’s fault.

- dally has a cousin that lives in the area of the church, and told him it’d make a good hiding spot.

- johnny has a “deathly fear of cops.”

- jerry was too fat to climb through the church’s window.

- johnny was having fun in the church.

- soda wouldn’t quit messing with the reporters, he stole their hats and cameras, and even grabbed a cops gun.

- if johnny survived, he would’ve been crippled.

- two-bit’s mom said they should lock the door because of burglars, but darry just flexed his arms in response.

- two-bit was cleaning eggs off the floor after he knocked them off ponyboy’s pan.

- johnny would’ve been charged with manslaughter.

- soda went into darry’s closet to grab his jeans, and steve followed him in. apparently, “in a second, there was the general racket of a pillow fight.”

- two-bit’s mom is just like two-bit, except she isn’t lazy.

- randy’s thinking of leaving town.

- johnny and his mom look exactly the same, with black hair and big black eyes.

- the only difference is johnny has “fearful and sensitive” eyes, while her’s are “cheap and hard.”

- dallas looked out the window instead of at two-bit and ponyboy when he asked about johnny

- cherry had her hair up and she was wearing a ski jacket when she went to go meet the greasers.

- tim shepard has curly black hair and “smoldering” dark-blue eyes. he also has a scar from temple to chin because a “tramp” hit him with a broken soda bottle.

- tim accidentally stepped on ponyboy during the rumble.

- all johnny had ever wanted was for dallas to be proud of him.

- bob had the same smile as soda.

- greasers don’t eat in the school cafeteria.

- curly fell off from a telephone poll and he broke his arm. the face curly made was the same as sodapop’s when darry and ponyboy were fighting.

- when ponyboy wrote his theme, it didn’t hurt to think about johnny and dally.

[ink-n-shadow]

Hey boo

I noticed you don’t often write for soap, so don’t take this as pressure to write for him if you don’t want!

but would you write about Soap getting back from deployment, pent up and in need of release? And his poor darling, in the middle of making dinner, keeps trying to tell him to wait, and the poor guy gets needy :(

no pressure, and keep up the good work 🫶

honestly, i need to write more soap stuff because he's really itching something in my brain— (also apologies for the shitty ending. this has been sitting in my drafts for so long and i just wanted to finish it)

PENT UP

𝜗𝜚 the one where soap gets back from deployment and just needs to be inside of you

𝜗𝜚 pairing: john "soap" mctavish x gn!reader 𝜗𝜚 cw: smut (minors—DNI), slight dub con? (idk if it qualifies enough for a warning but i’d rather be safe than sorry), kitchen sex, unprotected sex (pls wrap it before you tap it/get tapped), oral (reader!receiving), implied cum play, unedited

soap couldn't even remember the last time he had felt your naked skin against his—and that was the fucking problem. he had been wracking his brain ever since you guys had gotten back from the airport, desperately trying (and failing) to envision the last time he had his hands all over you as his eyes followed you flit around the kitchen.

"are you even listening to me, johnny?" soap heard you huff out softly, spinning around on your heel and crossing your arms over your aproned chest as your narrowed eyes met soap's hazy ones.

of course soap wasn't listening—he was too busy trying to decide whether to bend you over the kitchen counter and fuck his cock into you or carry you over to the already set dining table, spreading you out on your back before pushing his tongue into you. but the frustration pinching your brows together had soap trying to swallow down his pent up need, arms wrapping around your waist as he murmured his apology into the nape of your neck.

"y'just look so pretty, bunny," soap all but whined against your skin, unable to help the way he inhaled your scent deeply. "take a break from makin' dinner, yeah? lemme fill you up."

and you would be scolding soap, chastising him for being the reason why dinner was currently burning in the oven as you tried halfheartedly to squirm out from under his arms.

but soap would be haphazardly shoving your sweatpants halfway down your thighs, one hand palming your arousal through your already sticky underwear as the other worked to free his cock from his jeans.

"shhh—s'alright if dinner burns," soap breaks away from breathing filthy words down your neck long enough to let a wad of spit drip down between your bodies, watching it splatter over your twitching entrance before running his leaking tip through the mess to lube both of you up. "i'll order somethin' instead, yeah? treat you to some of that take out y’like after i fuck ya stupid.”

soap doesn’t even give you a minute to breathe out a snarky retort before stuffing his leaking cock into you, an almost animalistic growl ripping from his chest as he feels your gummy walls sucking him in deeper and deeper and deeper.

and god does it feel like taking your virginity all over again, soap's cock having to carve its way through your insides once more to nestle against the spongy spot he remembered would have your legs trembling. it's only been a few jagged strokes, and your walls are already milking soap for everything he has.

"r-relax, bunny," soap pants into the crook of your neck as his fingers grip tightly around the fat of your hips, pulling your ass flush against the front of his thighs to prevent himself from spilling his cum too quickly. "y'feel like a f-fuckin' vice—gonna make me cum already."

it probably wouldn't even be three strokes after he says those words that soap feels his high crash over him, hunching over your body as he feels ropes of his spend spilling inside of you. he would feel his softening cock twitching at the feeling of it dripping down your thighs, landing on the kitchen tile with a soft plit, plit, plit.

and soap wouldn't even give you time to breathe before he's pulling out of you, dropping to his knees carelessly to bury his face between your thighs and lick you clean until you cum. "told you i'd get you that takeout you like, right? just gotta have my meal first, m'kay?"

©️ ink-n-shadow 2024

do not copy, plagiarize, steal, borrow, or repost any of my work without my expressed permission

[stardustedseas]

small dating stan hc, he will absolutely use you in his schemes and cons lmao especially if youre afab or look more feminine. cant or dont want to get pregnant? thats okay! you will experience what its like via you wearing a fake belly and stan shoving stuff in it to steal or sneak snacks into a theater. if you already have more belly fat and so it wont be as easy to add on a fake pregnancy belly without it looking odd, thats okay! just wear a bigger shirt than normal and stan can wrap thinner things around you like sheets, bags, towels, clothes ect. yall will be sleeping on the nicest sheets gravity falls has that very night LMAO

if you wear a bra, especially if your tits are bigger, stan will shove things in there to steal as well lmfao that spot between your tits? perfect for hiding small items, under them? also perfect.

if you are okay with it and wear a packer, im so sorry but that is now a can of beer. you now have a very expensive can of beer or some other cylinder shaped object for a peen. if you wear a silicone breast vest thing or just ones to put in your bra to look bigger (sorry im unsure if there is a name for them like packers) stan gets you a hollow pair to stuff things in to steal as well. always wanted a big chest? no worries! he can get you a pair AND some free ibuprofen!

he gets you guys a baby carrier and steals stuff in that. if someone asks to see the baby? sorry no absolutely not, you were just able to get them to sleep before coming into the store and if you take the blanket cover off they will wake up and never get back to sleep

also idk if any of you have seen the best show in the entire world ever made, trigun 1998, but there is a scene where two characters smuggle a girl out of town and she hides under one of the characters long coat/dress so she just looks like an expecting mother taking a stroll with her husband. stan absolutely does that if youre on the skinnier side(just for the same reason it would be harder to have a fake pregnancy belly if youre bigger) to smuggle one of the twins into somewhere.

theres a movie you guys wanna go see but kids only get in for $5? thats ten dollars right there! plus whatever it costs for two adults, what do you think he is, made of money? (tap tap) mabel, get under your graunt/grunkles coat, youre their unborn baby now (mabel thinks this is the funnest thing ever, its like a scene from a spy movie where you infiltrate the enemies base! yes she brings her grappling hook and wears her sneaking into somewhere sweater and earrings)

he will also have you wear a pregnancy belly or wrap some sheets around you to make your stomach look bigger/more pregnant as a way to get ppl to buy more stuff at the mystery shack. he is just a father-to-be trying to get enough money for a good crib for his baby </3 dont you kind folks want to help an expecting family get the stuff they need? snookums, cmere so these loaded- he means generous- uhm, these sweet people can see your baby bump better. tf you mean 'isnt he too old to have a baby', everyone boo this person out of town for shitting on the miracle of life!!! boo them!!

all in all he will absolutely take advantage of having an s/o if you allow him

[bigification]

Tag You're Fat

"Bro, why the fuck are we playing tag, we are grown ass adults." John asked.

"Just go with it man, it'll be fun." Brad pleaded. "It's not just any game of tag, It's called tag you're FAT! The way it works is that one person gets selected randomly to be it. He will eat this." Brad holds up a large pill. "It will turn them into a fatass for a short time, the fatass will then be contagious. Any person he touches will also become a fatass. Everyone hides and the last person to get fattened wins."

"Dude this game seems weird." Graham spoke out.

"C'mon just try it, it'll be fun." Brad pleaded once again.

The group seemed to collectively sigh and agree to play. Brad then pulled up a random number generator on his phone. "Everyone pick a number, I'll be one."

Each man then says a number between one and seven. Brad generated a number. "It's 4, who's 4!"

A couple guys pointed at Graham. "Man this is bullshit, I didn't even want to play this stupid ass game." Graham complained.

"That's too damn bad, take the pill." Brad responded.

Graham grabbed the pill and stared at it for a bit. "This is temporary right?" He asked.

"Ya of course, just take it." Brad said as he pulled up a photo of Graham on his phone, just for comparison for after.

Everyone started to get impatient so Graham finally swallowed the pill. Almost instantly, he began to twitch and grunt. As he twitched, his body began to jiggle more and more. His once flat stomach grew rounder and rounder by the second, riding up his shirt in the process. It kept growing until he had a solid beer gut that sagged over his waist line and love handles that thickened his once slim waist. His defined pecs became soft and plump as they sagged onto his gut and his arms became plump with a thick layer of fat. His pants tightened under the pressure of his growing ass and thick thighs. Finally his face widened as fat filled his cheeks.

Graham stood in silence as he took off his tiny shirt. His friends waited in silence for him to say something.

"Huh huh huh, that felt good!" He said in a dumb voice.

No one could tell if he was being serious, but they figured he was when he kept giggling and playing with the fat on his belly.

"Ok everyone, HIDE!" John yelled as he ran to a hiding spot. No one had time to react, so they just ran. Each of them found a hiding spot as Graham started to slowly hunt them down.

John trembled as he heard the large man stomp towards his hiding spot. He struggled to keep quiet as Graham approached. "Boo!" Graham yelled as he turned the corner. John jumped and proceeded to plead for Graham to not tag him.

"Wait wait! You don't need to tag me. You can just go find someone else." He practically pegged.

"isn't that the point of the game though?" Graham asked as he reached for John's arm. John yelled in fear, but immediately stopped when Graham made contact.

His muscles seemed to tense up, and he started to grunt. John started to grow much faster than Graham did. Within moments his belly had grown so big that he looked pregnant. It grew and grew, almost never ending until it was larger than a beach ball, ripping straight through his shirt. His hands grew to twice their size as he held his massive gut. A thick layer of fat covered the rest of his body, giving thick arms and legs, and large man tits. His ass also grew to the point that it ripped through his pants, leaving him completely naked, though it's not like you could seem much under that hulking gut. Similar to Graham, his face was the last to change. His face rounded out until it looked like a circle and he grew multiple chins under his thick beard.

John sat there for a moment, getting used to the way his body felt. The thick legs that rubbed together and the giant gut that changed his centre of gravity made it hard for him to move around.

"Get up big guy!" Graham pulled John to his feet.

"Shut it pipsqueak, you try movin around with a gut like this." John snapped back.

The two men soon went back to searching for the rest of their friends, shaking the ground as they walked. Dewayne and Miguel hid together nearby and peered around a corner to see Graham and John searching.

"Dude is that John?! He's fucking massive, and he's naked." Miguel whispered.

"Shut up, they're gonna hear us." Dewayne whispered back.

Almost as if on cue, John and Graham turn and start walking toward their hiding spots. They were cornered, so they just curled up and hoped they wouldn't be seen. It did not work. Graham turned the corner, chuckled, and grabbed both men.

Dewayne started to grunt as his body grew. His soft gut spilled out of his black tang top and over his shorts. He grew soft man tits that stretched his shirt to its limit. His body quickly started to say under its own weight as a thick layer of pudge covered his body.

Miguel befell a similar fate soon after. Although the effects didn't seem as bad on him since he was such an athletic person, but that could only help him so much. His six pack rapidly turned into a beer belly larger than his own dad's gut, riding up his tiny gym shirt. His solid pecs swelled into a pair of moobs with nipples that showed through his shirt. The defined arms and legs he worked so hard for softened into pudgy limbs.

The two men emerged from their hiding spots, happy as ever without a thought going through their minds.

It didn't take long for them to find Andrew after that. He was the tallest in the group, making it hard for him to hide. He tried to run but quickly ran into John, knocking him straight on his ass. Unfortunately for him, his arms hit John's belly in the impact. Andrew sat on the floor as his mind cleared and his body started to grow. Within seconds he had a giant hairy belly hanging out of his shirt, only rivaled by John's. His limbs bilmped out and his ass expanded, popping open his belt and threatening to rip his jeans. Finally a thick double chin formed under his beard. Andrew stood up, towering over the rest and crossed his arms. "Well who's gonna find the rest?" He asked in a dumb voice.

Brad trembled as he heard someone approaching his hiding spot. He had no idea who it was, but it sounded like someone massive. He got scared and decided to get up and run from his hiding spot. As he got up, he was met by Andrews thick underbelly.

His forehead impacted Andrews belly, knocking him back. He grunted in pleasure and pain as the transformation began. His body was hit the hardest since John. His once unnoticeable belly soon became impossible to miss, riding up his shirt to his chest and drooping over his waist. His skinny chest exploded with fat, growing larger tits than he had ever seen before, with large sensitive nipples. His previously thin arms became engulfed with fat and his legs thickened until it was basically impossible for him to separate them. His love handles spilled over his waist and his ass fattened until his crack was visible above his pants. He got up once his transformation was complete, struggling to stay up due to his immense weight. He pulled up his shirt and looked down at his hulking gut and man tits, he smiled before following the rest of the men to find the last of their friends.

"Omar, you're the last one you can come out now!" John yelled.

Omar appeared from behind a couch and stood in shock at the sight of his friends. Each one of them bursting out of their clothes and sagging with fat, John had even ripped out of his clothes. Omar started to laugh hysterically, pointing out how fat his friends were. Once he regained his composure he asked his friends, "so when does this wear off?"

"What do you mean wear off, why would we want it to wear off?" John responded.

"No no, you said it would wear off." Omar's expression quickly changed.

"What do you say boys, this guy is lookin a bit too skinny for our standards, how about we change that." John asked the rest of the boys.

Omar backed away, but quickly became cornered by the horde of large men. It didn't take long for one of them to grab his arm. He froze in place and started to grunt as his body began to change. He tried to resist, but there was no point. His gut burst out of his shirt, popping off the buttons in the process. His pecs grew into thick moobs, and he grew multiple chins under his light stubble. His ass fattened until it ripped through his jeans, and his thighs ripped what was left of them, leaving him naked from the waist down. His arms fattened up as he held his gut.

"Now for the best part about the game." John started as he approached Omar. "It has made up who we were meant to be, it made us hot." John gets really close to Omar, pressing both their bellies together. "Now we can do whatever we want with each other." John grabbed Omar's dick as he spoke, making him moan.

With all the tension built up over the game, it didn't take long for all of them to rip off their tiny clothes. Nothing in their heads other than sex and food.