#too bad it made her worst now she experiences the consequences of her actions

[milekael]

Hello I have realized I never posted this here LMAO

A sequence of images I made for a quest of Venture hunting down some of her own kind <3 Throwback to when she set and entire building on fire and killed a guy a threw his right hand man in jail <3

Truly not her best moments....

[livecrow]

Been fixating on a scenario where someone unmasks Ghost while he incapacitated and the 141 takes it extremely personally.

Except said someone is you. 

So Ghost pays you back in full. You’re not going to like how he interprets “an eye for an eye”.

He'd immediately know something was wrong when he came around.

The eye openings of the skull and balaclava are slightly askew. Just too far off to one side, so now there's an annoying tickle where one of his outer lashes snags on the mask’s material. The neck opening is untucked, leaving a tiny sliver of skin peaking through.

Ghost is not happy.

John, Soap, and Gaz would be equally incensed, offended over the slight on their Lieutenant. Taking advantage while a man’s down? It's completely dishonorable, it's bad form. Captain's mind is immediately made up on the matter, filled with a steely resolve.

Even if the damage was already done, it’ll be a cold day in hell before you'd get away with it without repercussions. That's a promise. Gaz and Soap are both eager accomplices in John’s personal assignment. Soap is practically spittin’ he’s champing at the bit, English even more incompressible than usual.

They'd do what any good mate would. Bring the bastard in and hand him off to Ghost for some tender loving care. All “off the books”, of course.

John’s not exactly going to be getting any thank-you cards from his Lieutenant in the meantime. He’d keep him in the dark, practically locked-down on base while Laswell assesses the damage. It’s for his own good, so he’ll just have to bear it for now. But John’s sympathetic, knows how it feels to have to sit on your hands, idle. Ghost is caught in limbo, nothing much to do but seethe and muse about having a little chat with you.

Maybe he'd start off with the hands first, there are so many fine bones there, so many nerve-endings. It'd be fittin' since you can't keep your grubby 'ands to y’rself. He'd make you regret not just shootin’ 'im and being done with it.

Obviously no one else at base knew anything happened—but the shift in the air was palpable. Fortunately, even the greenest recruits had enough of a sense of self preservation to steer clear of the Lieutenant.

There's not just anger, though. John shrewd enough to see it. Simon would never admit it, hell, he might not even be conscious of it, but the whole experience has left him feeling violated. Hardly more than a handful or seconds of vulnerably, is all it took.

Ghost would be bracing himself for the worst, waiting for the other shoe to drop. If his face isn't circulating already, it will be soon. Maybe they're holding out for an auction, might as well cash in. A lot of people would pay good money for the identity of 141's infamous second-in-command. There’s a chance they’d come directly to them first, try to shake the 141 down in exchange for not releasing the photos.

Laswell wouldn’t waste any time, ever since the initial incident she’d have feelers out for news—for anything even tangentially related to Ghost or the 141. But it's been a week and there's absolutely nothing.

She also throws every resource at her disposal to locating you. The recon would take some doing, but she eventually she’d get a good lead. John knew Laswell would deliver, is reliable.

Let's just say, you would not at all be what they expected. It’d leave John with more questions than anything else, but he would deny being relieved. He might almost feel sorry for you, the dumb chit. Almost.

But actions have consequences and there's no un-ringing this bell.

Eh, if he knows Simon, in the end you'll be fine—relatively speaking. Not that he'd ever give you that solace. No, he’s not ashamed to say he’ll like watching you squirm. It'd be a pretty sight.

Soap and Gaz were even more taken off-guard.

Gaz just lets out of a low whistle, brows rising high on his forehead.

"Shite. Dinnae ‘ow we missed her—", Soap’s eyes raked the screen.

"—there's a lot tae miss." He couldn't stop himself from laughing before adding,

"Aye, this'll be a skoosh."

"...a what?"

Soap was right, the whole mission would go off without a hitch. It’d be nearly anticlimactic.

You were a proper softie, any fight you put up while being shocked awake and tripping over your own bedding was so pitiful it’s endearing. Naturally, they were in and out in 2 minutes with practiced precision. But all the same, Gaz and Soap were eager to give you a good fright.

John would make sure to keep them in line. He'd make it clear from the jump that he’d only made allowance for some light manhandling of the bird. They'd not be taking any liberties. He'd leave that to Ghost's discretion.

It was a clean pick-up. You were plucked and bagged "to-go" without much fuss. Proper delivery drivers they were, brought you back to base in 30 minutes or less.

Laswell would be waiting in the wings, of course. Immediately following the departure, her people scour your flat. No stone was left unturned, every belonging you owned was gone through, systematically. Anything and everything capable of holding an electrical charge would be seized and forensically analyzed.

She confirmed what she already expected. You were no terrorist asset, had no connections to any unscrupulous business. No, you were some civilian who's biggest crime, Laswell estimated, was impulse control. That and film piracy. Still, she’d personally double and triple check the findings before finally giving John the go ahead. Ghost was completely in the clear.

It’d feel like whiplash, the relief  would be almost dizzying. But even if any anxiety threat had dissipated, the anger was very much still there. Ghost is flooded with resentment for having any of it foisted on him by some nameless civvie.

Ghost was eerily still as he stared at you. You were a sight. You're underdressed, disheveled, frozen and wide-eyed, squeezed into a chair with several improvised polyester ratchet straps. The wide neon bands cut into the ample flesh meanly. Admittedly, it was probably excessive just to contain one fat bird, but no one can ever claim the lads don't take their job seriously.

The several seconds of quiet must have felt excruciatingly long for you. Gaz and Soap would share knowing grins where they were posted up off to the side, reclining against the wall.

Any surprise Ghost felt was completely hidden, his eyes drifted back to John.

"She’s all yours," John husked, ambling around you. "Your loose end", answering the unasked question.

You’d flinch, head snapping between the two, desperately trying to keep eyes on the Captain before he disappeared over your shoulder, pulling fruitlessly at the restraints before your wild eyes darted back to Ghost.

That was all the confirmation he needed. Unbidden, any previous machinations started to reform in his mind.

He's really going to enjoy this.

[flowerwiththemachinegun]

Sephiroth x Reader Made for You

This was not at all what it was originally supposed to be, original description is at the very end.

New Description: Sephiroth x Reader. Ever Crisis-Crisis Core-ish (Pre-Nibelheim) timeline. 5.9k words. In which you were created to be Sephiroth’s perfect mate. Warnings?: Mentions of alcohol abuse, miscarriages and Hojo’s clammy hands all over you(not like that). Hojo meant for you to serve as a breeding ground to create more perfect subjects. His plans get disrupted as your mother doesn’t have the heart to subject you to more trauma{trauma enters stage left as intense as possible} . In a panic she abandons you in hope that Shinra won’t be able to track you down. Eventually you cross paths with Sephiroth, creating a bond that would last a lifetime. Written in a series of headcanons, I’ll probably re-use reader backstory in other fics but i didn’t want to write this as a full out fic. It is definitely up in the air as to what happens to your mother, let's hope she will won’t be found she deserves death, i don't care if she tried to make it right. No, the dad is not Hojo. The age ranges helped me track what I was typing but I don't think I'll take it away. I’d say probably a year or so older than Sephiroth. Will make a part two for the events following Genesis’ departure-FF7 possibly through Advent Children too.

_________________________________________

Age 1:

 Your mother, Levy, came to her senses shortly after giving birth to you. Taking off in the dead of night to hide her precious child from the cruel clutches of Professor Hojo. When she signed up for this project she didn’t fully realize what she would be submitting herself to, the kind of torment she’d relinquish a baby to, her baby to. She wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt knowing that she gave you the worst possible future. So in a desperate attempt to “set things right” she abandons Shinra, leaving Midgar and taking you to Corel.

Levy knows she can’t stay with you, she’d be far too easy to track down. Besides, Hojo would never let one of his prized experiments get very far. Certainly he wouldn’t want Levy to get away, not after trying to ruin such a delicate process. There are consequences to these actions and everyone gets caught eventually. She needs to make this quick. It's already been two weeks since the two of you escaped, knowing that she doesn’t have the resources or connections to stay hidden for very long sends her into even more of a panicked state.  

All things considered, the decisions she made were already questionable, so it was no surprise that Levy’s poor choices led her to handing you off to some random stranger who reeked of liquor. Granted, he might have been absolutely shitfaced but he did at least seem to have a warm spirit. That was the last time she ever saw you, hugging you tightly and kissing you on the forehead before venturing on to the next unknown location.

The day Levy dropped you off to the strange man was a turning point for your “adoptive father”, Kaiser. Previously he was a drunk with a gambling problem, only picking up odd jobs to fuel his addictions. While he heavily considered taking you to the nearest clinic and dropping you off, another part of him thought the lifestream brought this child to him for a reason. That maybe now his life had purpose again, that maybe if he could do some strange lady a favor that it might atone for the things he’s previously done.

Age 4:

 Kaiser started to pick up his bad habits again, losing every job he’d obtained due to showing up drunk; not showing up at all because he was out gambling all of his funds away, or the icing on the cake that led to his inability to find another job in Corel, stealing. In such a small town word got around fast, yet people still went out of their way to give him a chance, more so for your sake, not Kaiser’s. The townspeople could only be sympathetic to an extent, eventually not being considered for hire by anyone. Following these events led him searching for work outside of Corel, branching out to Midgar where he got a job doing residential plumbing. 

Age 4-10:

It was enough to make ends meet, renting out a single bedroom in the slums of sector 5. Not the most ideal or comfortable living situation but it was better than being on the streets. The move to Midgar at least showed positive signs in your father, but that would only last for so long. He was always still loving towards you, though at times it was hard to tell how much he truly cherished you since he seemed more interested in trying to maintain both lifestyles when he should’ve picked you above all. It was when he discovered Wall Market his presence dwindled down to a minimum. Still claiming that you saved his life and all of that other nonsense while leaving you to fend for your own in the same breath.

Age 10-12:

 Eventually you started leaving home alone, beginning to venture out and wander the slums. After a certain point you couldn’t sit around waiting for Kaiser to feed you, never knowing what he would come back to take care of or even tell you he loves you. This existence was so painfully lonely. Without much direction in life thus far you started getting involved with a group of fellow misguided children. Learning how to break into homes, shops, showing you how to pickpocket people; life was hard enough in itself, these few skills (if you wanna call it that) helped you get by. Despite Kaiser still being around you had to start getting funds on your own, especially when you learned property owners had zero problem throwing a child out on the streets no matter your situation. 

You and your tightknit group of baby thugs manage to bring your string of break ins to the upper plate, securing passes to the top for the oldest of the group (18-20) and the younger of the group would act like they were with an older sibling, negating the need for passes as they were minors. Picking a different plate to explore each time you went up and stole whatever you found valuable or simply wanted out of greed as long as you could discreetly bring it back. Roaming Sector 2 may have been your biggest mistake. Quickly stuffing the tools from a car you broke into your bag, slamming the trunk shut and taking off as fast as possible. It was already a risky area to break into cars at, the spot you chose happened to be a bit too out in the open, you just had a hunch something good would be in the vehicle. All but running around the corner to distance yourself from your crime you bump into someone making you fall right on your ass. 

Twelve years. He’s been looking for you for twelve long years with practically no traces, yet here you were. Had Hojo told Heidegger no at the notion of going out to lunch together you wouldn’t have been sprawled out on the ground in front of him. The minute you locked eyes with the strange man, a menacing smirk spread across his features. Hojo’s nice words betraying his true intention and twisted glee, looking into those e/c glowing eyes Hojo knew you belonged to him. Reaching a hand out to help you up, apologizing for being “clumsy”, asking where your parents are, his grin never leaving his face. Not taking the time to talk to him, you mumble a quick thanks for helping you up, immediately darting off to find the others, a bit shook at the thought of nearly being caught. Surely you had been caught, just not in the way you thought. 

Despite being, in Hojo’s eyes, inadequate due to his lack of presence in your life, you were still valuable. You were another product of the Jenova Project, not quite to serve the same purpose as the First Class SOLDIERS, though you could have been just as strong. He’s missed too many monumental milestones in your growth to achieve similar results as Sephiroth. However, that isn’t going to stop him from trying in combination with ensuring you’re capable of achieving your original use. It won’t be hard for him to track you now, he knows what you look like and where you’ve been. The city is riddled in surveillance and Hojo will see to it you are found, sending out several Turks to monitor you, requesting they take various items from the shared home of you and Kaiser that would contain any traces of your DNA. 

It didn’t take long for Hojo to prove who you were and that you were Shinra property, he was already certain of it after your first interaction. In the short time you were in Hojo’s presence one of the first things he did was take many samples from you. Even without the DNA Hojo had he would be able to find out your identity. Simply drawing your blood would have sufficed but he was forced to go about taking you back in a more “tame” manner. The minute the samples matched he sent the Turks in to snatch you up and bring you in, demanding Kaiser be brought with them. 

Age 12-15: 

Hojo didn’t make it a secret where you came from, telling you early on that you have always been Shinra property, claiming this was your real home. Over time Hojo somehow convinced you this life was better than the life you lived in the slums as well as any of the time you spent with Kaiser. Honestly, it was hard for you to tell as neither lifestyle proved to be healthy. At least you had regular meals and a guaranteed roof over your head, regardless of it being a creepy cold lab, but you were once again back to being alone but now all of the time. Never allowed to interact with anyone, your only company was Hojo, if that could count. Rarely talking to you outside of questioning you in relation to testing or attempting to cram as much knowledge into your brain as possible. Also sharing interactions with the couple of Turks he allowed to train you, Hojo oversaw each training session, cutting off any conversation he felt didn’t assist in your progression. Which were certainly most of them.

An absolute fucking nightmare. Being subjected to Hojo’s experiments was, now, the worst thing you’ve ever experienced, you thought life was challenging before but currently this is a special kind of hell. Being left in mako tanks for weeks on end because you “need to catch up”, being kept awake for the majority of your surgical experiments unless it was really necessary. Forced to repeatedly kill in order to prove your worth, doing things you couldn't imagine just in the hopes to save a “father” they’ve already killed. You don’t know this information, the leverage you think they have against you makes you more inclined to go along with their plans. 

Hojo learned the hard way that your abilities to heal like the others were extremely lacking. On this particular day Hojo was, once again, invading your body. Not so much to alter anything, but taking notes on significant changes from past surgeries and experiments, as well as testing new equipment. He wouldn’t admit it due to his “singular genius” but the machine he created to assist in speeding up surgical processes malfunctioned. In turn severely damaging numerous organs and causing excessive bleeding. While, no, just any organs won’t do, he’s going to piece you together as fast as he can. Refusing to let you go after seeking you out all of this time. Your potential is too great. Quickly pulling out a few cadavers that were failures from the Jenova Project, but due to the genetic makeup, their parts will have to do. Smiling as he pieced you back together, taking organs from the other bodies and replacing your damaged parts.

Something about killing you, reviving you, and nursing you back to health brought you and Hojo closer to each other. Having a portion of his lab reconstructed into a small living quarters so you could be more comfortable while you got better. Between all of his other experiments, you, plus Sephiroth, Hojo found it convenient to spend a lot of time in your space. Partially due to his constant need to take care of you after that last incident, Hojo's day would often end with you. Swooping by to change any bandages, check vitals, asking the usual to help assess your health. You’re not sure what made you reach out to him, or why he surprisingly extended his hand out to you. It came to a point the nightmares were just too much, the nightmares Hojo instilled in you. In spite of all signs telling you to run from him, your skin crawling when you think about Hojo, you still wanted his comfort. Requesting that he stays with you for the night, telling him you were too scared to fall asleep because of the things you’ll see. Hojo rolls his eyes and scoffs at this, nevertheless he settles himself into your quarters. Crawling into your bed just as you wanted, finding himself annoyed by the display of weakness, yet a foreign warmness crept into Hojo’s chest. It was uncomfortable, it was weak, it was welcoming. The smallest smile of content cracking through Hojo as you crawl on him, resting your head on his chest. Bringing one of his arms to wrap around you snuggly. While no, you weren’t his kid, you brought out this almost fatherly sensation out of him.

You would never get permission to leave his lab, being able to occasionally roam about as he monitored your actions. If for once he was strictly doing paperwork related tasks he would allow you out as well, still keeping a close eye on you. Often finding yourself standing in front of pods of lifeless beings, half wondering if you’d end up like them; the other half curious as to what they are, or rather what Hojo did to make them what they are. Eventually you can’t help but question him on some of these things as he takes you back to your portion of the lab. Many times he ignores your questioning, knowing the complexities of each creature would be too much for you to understand, not hesitating to let you know. Eventually your constant questioning led to another connection the two of you developed, starting to take the time to explain some of the creatures, even providing you his research from a few of them. To Hojo’s surprise you caught on impressively fast, here he was thinking you weren’t the most competent finding himself able to have full conversations with you about projects he felt he was permitted to talk about with you. 

Age 15-17

Hojo finally started integrating back into the real world. Allowing you to go on missions with the Turk members who've been training you. Leaving that lab had been viewed as a form of freedom in their eyes, accepting taking you on assignments willingly. Not without a sense of guilt as some of your actions would shape the person you would become, feeling like you were too young to experience such events. Granted, you’ve already been through hell, you just dish it out now definitely still being tormented. Your success rate consistently being 100% never failed to get you praise from Hojo, uttering some nonsense about getting closer and closer to his goal with you. Not that he’d ever tell you what you were really used for outside of “genetic testing”. Well, it isn’t a total lie afterall, you were a walking, talking genetic nightmare and Hojo was the only person that would ever understand what makes you tick.

Meeting Sephiroth was entirely planned on Hojo’s behalf, keeping the two of you out of sight from one another as you grew up. It was simply better to go about introducing the two of you this way. Sending the two of you off on a mission with a few other SOLDIER members to eliminate a former Shirna employee who took off with some very valuable materia. Upon seeing Sephiroth you almost couldn’t contain your glee, finally meeting someone your own age for the first time in four years. The trip to Modeoheim provided a fairly interesting conversation between you and Sephiroth. The look of surprise written all over his face as your words hint at you growing up with Hojo as well. Once Sephiroth pieced it together he was a bit confused, frowning at his own question, “I’ve been there my whole life, why haven’t I seen you before?” You’re aware of what you should and shouldn’t talk about, vaguely going into detail about the small amount of time you remembered in Corel and your life in Midgar but not quite how you were brought to Shinra. Revealing you never knew your parents and having an adoptive father who “vanished” according to Hojo’s words accompanied in building a bridge between yourself and Sephiroth. The two of you could heavily relate to each other, even being able to make dark jokes about the weird things Hojo has subjected you to. That gets a lot of worried glances from everyone around, but nobody is going to speak on it. Following this successful mission you and Sephiroth have the joy of working together on three other occasions before you don’t see him for years.

Age 18-23

Hojo had no intentions on letting you be a part of SOLDIER directly, stating that it would be a waste of resources, making it clear that wasn’t what you were trained for nor born for. As time passes on Rufus decides to make you an official member of the Turks with Hojo’s permission. You’ve taken on missions from them as is; working hand and hand with Tseng many times in which you gained his approval as well. Rufus wanted Tseng to retrain you personally, your skills already being a cut above the rest. However, Rufus wasn’t present for a majority of your original training. No worries though, Tseng is going to help you brush up those already near perfect skills. Making sure your physical training was consistently up to date and your wits were as sharp as ever. The mental training with Tseng was far more grueling than the physical training, taking you through espionage-esque simulations that could last for weeks. He had to be positive that your critical thinking and adaptability were to his liking. Not to mention making sure you were capable of making difficult and immoral decisions at the blink of an eye with no hesitation. Gaia, when the objective was to outsmart Tseng you’ve hardly passed. An accomplishment that’s a near impossible hard feat to achieve, after attempt after attempt he finally gave you a pass. Though you can’t call it a win, not when Tseng told you “Not good enough to trick me, but a mass of the population wouldn’t pick up on it.” In the end Tseng turned you into what he would consider a perfect Turk, well near perfect. The duo of Reno and Rude would certainly taint your more serious demeanor, teaching you how to properly slack off and to time inappropriate jokes so you could grate at Tseng’s nerves. Even coming up with your own Turk-Two Step for each one of the iconic duo. Joining the Turks was like joining a family, a really fucked up one that carried out a lot of unethical tasks together, but a family nevertheless. 

Once you became a Turk you finally moved out of Hojo’s lab, getting your first apartment. You would still be residing in the Shinra building, instead on a residential floor. You seemed to be loyal to the company, either it stemming from a genuine place or the knowledge that there is no escaping Shinra. Being as deeply involved as you were, it isn't like they’d let you go easily  and you had nowhere to run off to. Shinra really was all you had. So letting you venture out on your own just didn’t seem like it would be problematic. Besides, who else would take care of you except for Hojo, he was probably the only person on the planet that could. As sickly as you could be, it would be foolish to stay away from him, common medical practices wouldn’t be of any use. Which is fine by you, the connection you developed with Hojo is still strong. It was an odd relationship but you cared for him in a fatherly sense. Hojo was far from being an actual father figure but when you squint your eyes and tilt your head it made sense. Seeing that he took care of you for so long, teaching you practically everything you know, showing you in his own twisted way that he cares for you. You still go in for regular testing, sometimes extra experiments if Hojo wants to try something new. These days the extra “modifications” would be made less and less. To make up for your lack of presence in Hojo’s lab you make it your job to pop up as often as possible, interrupting his research unless he was working on something live. 

One of the days you pay Hojo a visit, you find Sephiroth sitting on an examination table, shirtless as Hojo checks his vitals. If it weren’t for a few obvious factors you wouldn’t have recognized him. He’s grown a lot since you worked together 5 years ago. Tall, muscular and his hair had grown an ungodly amount. You had seen pictures around but that was nothing compared to physically seeing him. Quickly turning your gaze towards Hojo, giving him a hug before swiftly greeting Sephiroth and rushing out the door. Attraction was certainly a foreign experience, not having anywhere near enough time to dabble in dating or any relations that would fall under that category. To Hojo’s delight Sephiroth would ask if he knew where to find you and without hesitation he gave Sephiroth your floor and residential number. By all means, Hojo already retrieved the necessary means to reproduce between the two of you. He would much rather this process occur naturally, carrying the child yourself would very well give different results. He’d love to compare the difference between a child naturally conceived between you and Sephiroth and a test tube version.

It didn’t take very long for Sephiroth to come looking for you thinking that perhaps he may be going a step too far coming to your home. He simply couldn’t stop thinking about you, one of the only people he felt he could relate to on an entirely different level. A part of him viewing the small amount of time the two of you spent together as unfair, he deserved to be showered in more of your presence. You left Hojo's lab with such haste that he could barely catch a glimpse of you. So here Sephiroth stands, in front of your door staring at it like it might attack him. Ah, he forgot he was completely socially inept, being positive that he’s never felt this type of fear even on the battlefield. It’s okay, he’ll be spared a bit of the anxiety that came with knocking on your door as you sneak up behind him. Staring at your front door with the same amount of curiosity before questioning him, “Is there something wrong with it?” The look on his face said it all. Shock, embarrassment, you could practically feel the tension rolling off of this man. There was no denying the small smile tugging at Sephiroth’s lips as you asked if he found what he was looking for, telling you that he “certainly did”. Now that you were up close you couldn’t help but examine him, asking yourself if you were sure this was the same man from your first missions. A few moments of silently looking each other over passes before inviting him in with you. The two of you sit in an awkward silence for a bit before you take charge of conversation to ease his obviously wary mind. Guiding him through conversation seemed to fair far better, he had always been a bit awkward but dare you say it got worse. Not that it bothers you, it’s adorable watching the world’s strongest man trip over his words while talking to you. By the time he left it was nearing 1am, promising to come back, hugging you tightly before he departed. You could feel him stiffen as he hugged you, but the rapid beating of his heart told you everything.

Over the course of the next couple of years, your relationship with Sephiroth would strengthen. With Sephiroth finally being sent back to Midgar you were able to see him more and more. Of course he was still busy with his role in SOLDIER, but he made sure to make an open slot for you any chance he got. There was never quite a verbal discussion as to where your relationship was going, neither one of you knowing how to go about initiating a relationship normally. Your unspoken loyalty to each other was clear though, he was yours and you were, without a doubt, his. At some point Sephiroth starts getting you out of the Shinra building if your schedules align for it, he’s tired of seeing Shinra walls and thinks you should be too. Taking you to restaurants Angeal and Genesis would suggest he take you to, sometimes wandering the streets in the dead of the night, away from prying eyes. It took a lot of adjusting to how much attention Sephiroth would draw on your outings, jokingly offering to “take care of them”. There had to be a balance of course, you couldn’t be in the public light very much as a Turk, so having your face plastered everywhere as Sephiroth’s significant other wouldn’t do. That worked out in both of your favors, never caring to be in such a crowded scene. You would start spending nights at his place; whether it was due to Sephiroth or being outside of Shinra walls, easily could’ve been the combination of both, you could finally sleep easily. Falling into routine (Sephiroth’s subtle ways of begging for attention) at some point you abandon your apartment, only stopping there if work keeps you over too long or to grab any items you need along the way.

Being sent on missions became difficult for you, it wasn’t due to any difficulty spikes. You were more than capable of handling any tasks they sent your way, it was the distracting thoughts and incomplete sensation you got when Sephiroth wasn’t by your side. Finding it hard to fall asleep on missions just as the time you first began venturing out into the world. It was even worse when you would come back to Sephiroth being deployed on a mission. Though you missed each other dearly the distance would never come between each other, in fact the two of you were certain nothing would. You were made for him, something he tells you often, unknowing the true depth of his words. There were at least perks to being away from him for extended periods of time. The way Sephiroth would take care of you after a mission was unmatched. No, he couldn’t cook, making him stay far away from the kitchen after his first time making you a meal (you got food poisoning and it tasted exactly like military rations). However, he would do sweet things if time allowed, like having flowers waiting for you, running baths, giving you massages to help soothe your aching muscles after a rather rough time on the field, not to mention the sex. And boy, did he have a list of kinks. The longer you were away would at times dictate how intense he would fuck you when you got back. Amongst all things he was there for you after all of your missions, not all of them made you feel guilty enough to cause much turmoil. But as we know, you work doing Shinra’s dirty work, and at times the things you had to do to keep Shinra in good lighting were downright atrocious. Sephiroth being able to thoroughly understand your mental state after particular missions helped in comforting, while you were unable to talk about most events that occurred during missions, you didn’t have to. He has you and he’s going to hold you until you stop crying, just as you do for him when Sephiroth’s guilt tears him to shreds.

Discovering you were pregnant had to be the second most terrifying event in your life. Finding Sephiroth sitting at the dining room table reading, you break the news to him, not feeling keen on hiding anything from him. Sephiroth borderline passed out at the news but he was happy “You don’t seem to reciprocate the feeling, is this not what you wanted with me?” Sephiroth has said in the past he wanted a family of his own, expressing his desire to create a healthy environment, to be a parent to his offspring. He just wants to give his child the life he wanted so dearly. God’s it certainly was, but it wasn’t at the same time, explaining how reliant you are on Hojo due to your health. A reminder that nearly causes him to flip the table over, this was probably the loudest you ever heard him get angrily shouting that he “doesn’t want that monster anywhere near my child!” Watching the emotional breakdown he had as fear crept in, he might not have a choice but to let you deal with Hojo for the duration of your pregnancy. In addition to the chance Sephiroth may even have no choice other than to let that “sick fuck”  run tests on them, easily became one of the most heartbreaking sights. Holding him tightly you dually decide to keep it under wraps as long as you can, knowing it couldn’t last long as you have regular checkups just as Sephiroth does.

Hojo can sense something isn’t right, your lack of presence makes that part obvious. Coupled with you avoiding appointments the last 4 months, coming up with some work related excuse that he knew was bullshit. He gets access to everything you do, everywhere you go, he could damn near tell you what the last batch of paperwork you signed for Tseng entailed word for word. Once again giving your cellphone a call knowing today was an off day for you, letting out a frustrated sigh as you let it go to voicemail. He has time today, he’s going to call until you answer the damn thing. Even stopping by your apartment, by now he knows you’re rarely there. Often spending your time at Sephiroth’s loft, showing up there was a thought but he had a hunch your lack of attendance had something to do with Sephiroth. Sephiroth probably wouldn’t answer the door for him or lie about your whereabouts. During his walk back to his lab Hojo is pleasantly surprised to see your name show up on the screen of his phone, immediately asking why you haven’t showed up to any appointments. Hojo was well on his way to lecturing you about how fragile and unpredictable your health could be before being cut off by Sephiroth's worried voice. He was speaking in a jumbled mess, being able to make out bits of what Sephiroth was saying as he was talking a million miles per second. At Sephiroth’s explanation, if you could call it that, Hojo tells him to bring you in. Hearing the hesitance in Sephiroth’s reply Hojo utters out coldly “or would you rather y/n bleed out?”

Upon running an ultrasound Hojo determines you were roughly four months in. “Four months in with no heartbeat.” Anger was an absolute understatement, due to you and Sephiroth’s combined stupidity killing a perfectly good specimen. Hojo’s concern hardly lied with you, but he was going to act the part so well it had Sephiroth questioning himself as to why Hojo never shared that same amount of care. The very moment Hojo was done cleaning you up and checking your vitals once more, he asks to speak to Sephiroth in private as they let you rest. Hojo would use this moment to gaslight Sephiroth to no end, directing all of his aggression at the silver haired man as soon as were far enough from your room. Venom laced Hojo’s tone as he asked what the two of you were thinking. Sephiroth had no problem stating his distaste for Hojo, in great detail, furiously stating that Hojo wouldn’t “fuck up my kid as you did me.”  In Hojo’s mind he was throwing an absolute fit. There were no words to describe the fury coursing through his veins at Sephiroth’s words. “If I’m hearing you correctly, your reasoning is because you are scared of me?” That was the straw to break the camel’s back, Sephiroth snatching Hojo by his coat, shoving him against the wall so hard it leaves a dent. The action surprised them both. While Hojo wasn’t scared, he was taken aback. Hojo hardly had time to register Sephiroth’s movements as grabbed him up in a flash. Knowing Sephiroth wouldn’t go through with hurting him, Hojo continues his mental assault. Stating in a matter of fact way “Had you brought y/n to me the minute you knew, they both could have been fine, but now we’ll never know."  “Your paranoia led to their deaths.”  “And to think, y/n told you a long time ago they need me.” Making it very clear the amount of danger the two of you naively subjected your child Hojo’s creation and yourself to was reckless. “What were you going to do if they were sent on assignment?”  “Next time, show y/n you actually care, get them the help they require. Not everyone’s life operates on your terms.” After those words Sephiroth releases Hojo, defeated in a way he’s never felt before. Walking back to your recovery room, refusing to leave your side until you're cleared to go. 

Sephiroth wouldn’t sleep well for a while following these events, the guilt keeping him up for months. Not showing up to work, skipping meals, moping all of the time, notable of all Sephiroth’s refusal to leave your side. At times unable to cope, truly feeling as though the loss of your child and the risk your life was in was entirely his fault. Hojo’s words playing over and over again in his head like a broken record. Sephiroth never told you what Hojo said that night, he’s not even sure why he didn’t, mostly due to him believing everything Hojo said. He would break down from time to time about it, crying and apologizing profusely for all the pain he caused you, despite the million times you told Sephiroth he’s done nothing wrong. He would try his hardest to stay strong around you, knowing you would easily feel worse than him. You were the one pregnant afterall, the one to fully experience the impact of a miscarriage. Then why does it feel like he’s shedding more tears over this than you? It made his sense of guilt go through the roof. You definitely cried a lot after you lost your baby, falling into a depression, finding yourself not leaving Sephiroth’s arms for hours as you too sulked around. Despite Sephiroth feeling like he wasn’t supporting you enough, the reality was you both were a source of strength for each other and he too has a right to feel sadness. You would pick him back up, as he would do the same for you. Eventually falling back into old routines. Going on outings again, enjoying the night breeze, having spontaneous little date nights, or just spending your time in comfortable silence. Yeah, sometimes the pain would come back, it was hard not to dwell on it, but at least life felt normal between the two of you once more. Well, as normal as it could get with your lives. This peace would only last so long as Genesis deserts Shinra, leaving Sephiroth’s mental state to begin declining again. At least he had you and Angeal, not to mention the little baby growing in you again. Let’s just hope your pregnancy goes smooth this time and Genesis returns soon.

______________________________________________________________

Lollllll Christ I'm sorry I couldn't just let ya'll be happy but that's not how it's going. I'm kind of happy with the direction this went vs my original description which is...questionable at best. It's 5 am now so im gonna get some fuckin sleep

Original description: NSFW? But not really NSFW? Warning might change I dunno yet. Hojo x Reader headcanons. Sick little freaky old bastard I have no idea why I love him. I’d real deal take that dick for some SOLDIER juice. I prefer the idea of Hojo rejecting me though, makes me feel good and desperate. Warnings: idk this sounds like grooming but unintentional. I still want arranged breeding with Sephiroth. This isn’t incest, halfway through my mind said “aye dawg the lines are kind of blurred here”, we don’t know who the father is but it won’t be Hojo cause if we were doing that with anyone, he is not the guy. 

[bekahdoesnerdshit]

Playlist: Professor Ransom Kitwell

Alternate Title: She Took My Morals in the Divorce

Into the Fog by The Budos Band

An instrumental to kick things off. The slow build up, the heavy drum beats that sound like footsteps, the way each added instrument builds on the introduction until it kicks off into the real melody, it's so GOOD. And then the horns!! They're loud and on the edge of blaring, at times almost discordant, it's SO Ransom. And the obnoxious trill at 3:15 with what sounds like maybe a cup mute, that leads into such a fun solo that's So different from the rest of the piece!! It's so good. Very Ransom to me. Also, the title works as a joke about Curse of Strahd kjghdk

Don't Sing the Blues by Bohnes

I was ridiculous, young Icarus, I flew too close to the sun But when I reminisce that wickedness was the shit that kept me young And every choice I made, I wouldn't trade all that for anyone So don't you cry, cry, cry for me

This one's about young Ransom being an absolute shithead and having the time of her life. Having all kinds of adventures, getting into all kinds of trouble, and not regretting a moment of it. She firmly believes that the only bad experiences are the ones you chicken out of having. She doesn't want to have any regrets at the end of her life, and she's lived her life in way to make sure she gets to See and Do and Learn everything the world has to offer

Leader of the Pack by Wunderhorse

Some people have a special kinda knack Getting what they wanted just to stab you in the back Nine times out of ten it's the leader of the pack

Ransom is a shithead in a lovable scoundrel kind of way, but also in a, uh. In a shithead kind of way. Ransom is ambitious and driven, and she's not the kind of person to let anything get in the way of a goal she's pursuing. She'll say or do whatever she has to in order to get what she wants, consequences be damned. Or, at least, deferred. Sometimes this is a good thing, because it means she's willing to step up and problem solve when other people are hesitant or overwhelmed. But sometime it can add... tension, to relationships that matter.

Brighter Than the Sun by Brick + Mortar

I'm brighter than the sun, but I can't wait You're asking me to stay, I can't escape I'm staying up all night to sleep all day I'm brighter than the sun, but then one day

This song is mostly for Vibes, with the heavy guitar and drums and the vocalist who almost blends in with the instruments. It's also like, Ransom does have a huge ego and a lot of pride. But behind it is a kind of darkness, an edge of unhappiness. It's walled up tight, hidden largely even from Ransom herself, but it's there and it colors a lot of her actions in times of stress.

Two Letters by Bayside

Ex sounds dirty I can't say it, sounds so final and I'm still prayin' For the worst for the better, we're nothing now we're just two letters Hope you understand I'm not prepared to call you just a friend

The divorce soooooong. Ransom didn't change! She stayed exactly the same, and Hugh left her. She wasn't ready for their relationship to end, didn't even know it was something that was at risk of happening until it was too late. Without saying a word to her about it, Hugh had decided what she was wasn't enough for him anymore, took the life they'd built together, and left. "How to leave the past behind when it's around all of the time"? "I'm not prepared to call you just a friend"? Easy solution: don't. Go scorched earth, burn him entirely out of your life. It'll hurt a lot in one big burst, and then you'll be done with it and over it -over him- for the rest of your life.

Snitches and Talkers get Stitches and Walkers by Fall Out Boy

And haven't you heard, the word on the street is "I lost it, called it quits," get out into the sun Out from behind the gossip

I'll be sooo honest, I initially put this song on the playlist as a way to help set the tone for the kind of songs I was looking for and fully expected to take it off once I got the ball rolling. But like. It's a good song and ALSO. It's fast and loud and almost frenetic, like it's angry and trying to stay ahead of something. I feel like it encapsulates the anger of post-divorce Ransom, her lashing out and putting up walls that are there to this day. Big "I'll give 'em something to talk about. Something that I've done, not something I'm the victim of" type energy.

A Weak Ago by letlive.

I'm not feeling the way No, I'm not feeling the way they expect me to I'm not pulling away See, I'm just pulling the same shit on a different day

This is the last song I added to the playlist, and I actually subbed it in for another song (Devil On My Shoulder, if you were curious) after I'd sent the playlist to the server. This song is about Ransom unraveling after Allie's death, about how she became curt and blunt and - honestly?- mean in her grief. She'd been on her best behavior before because she'd wanted the party to like her more than they liked Allie, but when Allie was killed that motivation no longer existed. Ransom seemed to become an entirely different person overnight. This song is Ransom saying, no, I'm who I've always been. I'm doing the same shit, prioritizing the same way. You just don't like it anymore, because now it's getting in your way. Because you don't care about me, and you certainly don't care about Allie. (Please note, she is wrong about this. The party cares a lot, and Ransom was just too blinded by her anger and grief to see it. But that didn't change how she felt at the time, you know?)

Don't Walk, Run! by The Park Hill Romance

'Cause I've been on the run for a while But the runnin' ain't a friend of mine Oh ain't it fun With the fire back in your lungs tonight

Another song with Vibes (the same loud guitar and drums, the vocalist who blends with the music and sorta slides around instead of hitting notes precisely), another song about Ransom dealing with (read: ignoring entirely) the fact that "fuck everybody but me" isn't a long term solution and is, in fact, having an incredibly detrimental long term effect on her ability to make friends and empathize with other people. After getting in a nasty fight with one of her party members Ransom said something to the effect of "I'm out of practice having friends. I'd like to get back to it, though, if you'll let me." She's trying. She's getting better. But she's not quite there yet.

Every You Every Me by Placebo

Like the naked leads the blind I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind Sucker love I always find Someone to bruise and leave behind

I was very judicious with my use of Rallie songs; this is only the second one. It's about how, despite the fact that they treated each other SO poorly at the end, they're Ransom and Allie are the only people they could possibly fit together with. It's like that post about the fucked up charger and charging port that have warped each other so that they can only work together. That's Rallie. It's ALSO about the inevitability of coming back together, of ending up wrapped up in each other again. Hopefully, it will work out better this time. But regardless, no matter what they may tell themselves and the world at large, they're never going to be over each other or free from the other person's influence. Every time, every me, every you, we'll end up here.

Who is She ? by I Monster

Somewhere across the sea of time A love immortal such as mine Will come to me Eternally Immortal she Return to me

This is the "dealing with Allie's murder and the single-minded quest to resurrect her" song. It's spooky, a little unnerving, it's discordant in a way that's reminiscent of the first song on the playlist. It's about an obsession with a memory, a dream, and letting that obsession drag you down to the point that you can't distinguish reality anymore. And after Allie's death Ransom sorta, well... I also think the "Immortal she / Return to me" is haunting and is SUCH a strong way to end a playlist that started with loud horns and shouting and drums. Look how far we've come. Look how far she'll continue to go to fix what terrible wrong was done.

[cofa]

A long winded rant about creator of Wank

Kryy is the creator of White Hank as we know it and also the creator of the Madness Iceberg and Madness Rozpierdalation 4: The Death of Madness And Its Consequences.

In this post will rant about him and give points on why you should not support him, too though I am biased and will be open to hearing your side of the argument. I do hope this will inform you all, and the bias isn’t too strong.

If you don’t not wanna hear about drama, slurs, or mentions of pedos or zoos, please refrain from reading this

I acknowledge he had a big impact on the community by posting the Madness Iceberg among other informative things, but I feel I should criticize the messenger, especially if the way he presents information is bad. I will state that do not support the specific people he criticizes, because he had a reason to criticize them. Now I will talk about his actions in no particular order, though the less proven things are near the top.

Wank:

White Hank is character by him that has been inspired by Heather of the Dadness series which known to be offensive parody of the Madness series, which isn’t a great start to this section. She has also have been supposedly referred to as a “he” in a comment even though, within the collab it seems like Wank is transfem and refuses he/him pronouns.

Though evidence is thin, and this could just be a issue with differing minds making a collab since I don’t know how much authority Krry had over it.

The Dadness Combat entry of the Madness iceberg:

In the Madness iceberg part 2 he features one of Dad’s Enlightenments without warning, if you don’t know what that is, it’s basically a nsfw action with flashing lights in the background which is harmful to those with photosensitive epilepsy. He should’ve put a warning or slowed down and censored the footage instead of irresponsibly showing the raw footage.

Click bait and response:

Even though this is the least worst thing, this is the most infuriating. His Madness Iceberg videos where not labeled to have anything that indicated it was about the community, maybe except that people hidden in the thumbnail that would fly under the radar of those who are ignorant. Krry’s response is not fixing the title or admitting that it wasn’t a good choice, he instead said it was necessary to the wake up call. Purposefully deceiving people to watch content discussing horrible and distressing things so that history can’t repeat, and from personal experience the iceberg was painful to watch and taught me nothing as my memory blanked it out. It would have been better if he was honest or apologized, but he instead doubled down, which caused my biased grudge against him. What made it worse was passive aggressive lore facts segment which in the end, his friend Pyro said “back to the actual madness facts” which is a big middle finger to those deceived and wanting an apology, and considering Kryy is the one editing, it is likely he agrees with Pyro in this.

N word in the community post:

Is there much to say

The Pedophile call out video:

This unlisted video found in “the community saga” playlist where it is another bait and switch, it being complete click bait instead of a slight deception as it called “shooting test coop w/raff” with no hints at all what the video is actually about. This video calls out Cethic and other pedos in the community, but he does things like call Cethic "a rapper, like that one in the one game Friday night funking" when breaking the news she is a zoophile and groomer, and called Fleetwire a “sussy imposter.”

He also constantly misgenders Cethic, who is transfem, even though he released the video the month after that she publicly came out the closet

The video:

Her coming out:

So uh, yeah...

“Neo Madness” the term that is every new fan’s nightmare:

Putting this last because it is the most relevant to our current situation. In the end of the second part of the Madness Iceberg as he proposes two different routes, neo madness and traditional. Before his he advocates gatekeeping or else it won’t be real Madness. Even though he says that he doesn’t think Neo Madness is bad, he says that its removing “everything that made madness what it is” and “desecrating the history behind it” and will make it “a fanbase doomed to be lost to time.” He also uses an image of Hank on pedo flag to represent it:

This bugs me because also uses “inclusive” describe it and uses shipping and "furry Trickies and gay Deimoses" as examples of it. Yikes.

Why I talk specifically about him and not any other person in the madness combat is that I have seen his work used time and time again as an excuse to bully newer Madness fans. I also discuss this because one of the most popular fan characters of the post fnf release era is White Hank as she continues to get fan art.

Though I think Kryy has some good points and informed the community, I do not support him.

[thefoldedbird]

Orla Lore - Much Ado about Magic (8)

OC Ask Prompt (2)

oc asks: not-so-nice edition

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

Orla has a bad habit of self-isolating and letting her bad thoughts spiral when bad things happen. It's a terrible trait. Orla has always been involved in a large community in some form or another so isolation is not something she deals with readily.

betrayal: Has your OC ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? Has your OC ever betrayed someone who trusted them?

Yes and yes. Orla has absolutely acted in her own interest over the interest and behest of others. Of course, the reverse is also true. Unfortunately a lot of these snap decisions are made in battle and leave others struggling to keep up with switching plans. People tend to leave her to fend for herself now rather than deal with it.

bound: Has your OC ever been imprisoned or captured? What happened? How did they get out? Did the experience leave any scars?

Several times, though over the years it's become increasingly difficult to imprison her for any meaningful length of time. In the early days it would definitely scare and traumatize her. She's been thrown in lockup for so many reasons. Lockup alone does not scare her, it's what people try to do to you when you're in a cage, alone, and vulnerable. As for how she gets out, nowadays magic. Over the years Orla's learned to pick locks but usually it's magic.

break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

One of Orla's largest breaks was during Shadowlands. She was tortured in Revendreth, forced to revive Garrosh at her patron's will, Vol'jin agreed to be reincarnated and then began that process without saying goodbye, and then Anduin disappeared into the Shadowlands without saying goodbye. This all happened within the span of like a week or so. She was a mess afterwards. It took her months to recover. During this they were like a catatonic zombie. Unable to feel or do much more than experience rage and then pass out in a dead sleep. Zalazane is probably the only one to see her entirely without the mask when he visited her a few months into this. She didn't have the energy to wear it.

desire: What's one thing your OC wants more than anything in the world? Are they open with that desire? Why or why not? What would they do to fulfill it?

To go home. To see their family again. She used to mention it often but doesn't as much anymore. Now it comes up only every so often, usually as a reminder to her fleeting time with these people. Orla would do anything. She does end up going to every length to fulfill it but it doesn't always have the consequences she imagined.

failure: What's your OC's greatest failure? Have they been able to move past it? Does anyone else know about it?

She was assigned a mission and Revendreth and botched it entirely leading to her capture and subsequent torture. To aid her, her patron made the choice to make her final revival task Garrosh of all people. Garrosh managed to escape Revendreth and is wandering back in the land of the living. Unfortunately, it's become a huge ongoing moral dilemma.

fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away?

Loss. Orla is not good at handling that kind of harsh change. It gets to her. It bothers her and it doesn't go away. Grief is not something she handles well at almost any level. When confronted with her fears Orla tends to isolate and spiral. It is incredibly unhealthy. She tries to do too much on her own and ends up hurting herself in the process. To the extent that it can influence her actions there really isn't any sort of "hiding it" to be done.

future: What's the worst possible future for your OC? Are they taking steps to avoid that outcome? Are they even aware it's a possibility?

One of the big end game questions is does Orla even want to go home? She has a life here now. A family. Can she accept giving it up for her original world. What happens when she goes back to Earth. Is that it? No more Azeroth? Screw all the friends she made? There is nothing she can do to find out other than actually doing it either. There are no steps she can take. Her patron does not answer her and even if they could there is no documented case of someone in her situation ever going back and forth. She is aware, she just tries not to think about it. A bridge to cross later and all that.

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

Very early on she started processing that her predicament would likely take years to overcome and it caused a lot of hatred in her heart. For a while she would act out or generally be rude and aggressively towards people. As she was being sponsored by the Stormwind Royal Family at the time at Malto's request a lot of this behavior fell back on Anduin. She feels very guilty about the amount of shit he had to put up with or dig her out of due to her outbursts but he kindly doesn't hold it against her. He lost his entire family as well and feels a sort of kinship with her situation. Secretly he never got to act out like that so seeing her do it is weirdly cathartic for him, not that he would ever admit this. She has apologized many times and he has graciously accepted it every time but insists it's in the past and no apologies are necessary.

hate: What does your OC hate? Why? How do they act towards the object of their hatred?

Lying. Truly hates it. She has to do it more and more in order to keep her origins a secret but finds it difficult to keep track of it all.

heartbreak: Have they ever had a relationship that ended badly? Experienced some other kind of heartbreak? What happened?

Yes actually, only one bad breakup with a boy a few months before Azeroth. His name was Gabriel and he did not take the break-up well. Dude broke into her apartment and trashed the place. It was a whole "thing" and the police were briefly involved.

hide: What does your OC hide? Why do they hide it?

Orla hides her tattoos since there's a lot of them and the general populace of Stormwind disapproves of them. It's less bothersome to just cover them up. Other than that she tries to keep the fact she's from Earth a secret. Usually she implies she from a village no one's ever heard of and her patron "refuses to let her discuss its name" until she's completed all her tasks.

hunt: Who or what is your OC hunted by? A person, a feeling, a past mistake? Is your OC able to let their guard down, or are they constantly alert?

Nah, she's fairly chill now that she's a little stronger. A few people feel as though she owes them for some reason or another but generally don't have the pull to do anything about it.

mask: Does your OC wear a mask, literally or figuratively? What goes on beneath it? Is there anyone in their life who gets to see who they are under the mask?

A mask of confidence more often than not. She's learned to act on what she believes is good and right but knows her opinions aren't always shared. Her loved ones and close friends have seen beneath this façade as she's openly shared it before.

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

She can't go home and it is unwise to talk about it honestly with anyone other than those closest to her. She isn't able to check in on her family, friends, or her home. She lived alone in an apartment. Is all her stuff just gone now? What about her family? Are they okay? Do they think she's dead? She's truly afraid she will never be able to go home.

monster: Is your OC monstrous in any way? Is there something that makes them monstrous? Are they aware of their own monstrosity? Do they accept it or reject it?

She is and she embraces it for better or worse. Get her angry enough or hurt someone she loves and she doesn't try to reign herself in anymore. She will quite literally morph into a monstrous creature with the single-minded effort of harming them back, of getting even and damn any who get in her way. She's a giant monster and as far as she's concerned that's all someone should need to see to know it's time to get out of her way. It is not terribly difficult to push her to this point if you know what buttons to press. Her temper flares quite bright though rarely for very long. She's been known to cause quite the sum of collateral damages.

nightmare: What does your OC have nightmares about? How do they deal with their nightmares? Do they tell people, or keep it to themself?

Her normal nightmares are often about being chased by something she's powerless to stop or loss to the point of being totally alone. However certain loa she's pissed off have sent her nightmares of their own brewing so it varies. She usually tells people. That's the kind of thing that will bother her to the point of having to talk about it.

pain: What's the worst pain your OC has ever felt? Do they have a high pain tolerance?

Orla's patron got bored of her once and tried to summon a different Seraph who might be more entertaining. This inadvertently put Orla on the radar of several powerful entities that had a bone to pick with her patron. So since Orla wasn't under her patron's protection anymore she was stolen away and tortured. It took months for the new seraph that was summoned to die and only then did her patron notice and take steps to remove her from their clutches. Orla has a high pain tolerance, but that broke her for months.

secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

She has no idea how strong she is. None. Orla puts on a damn good act but she quite literally could not tell you where her limits lie and she's terrified if she admits this that steps will be taken to neutralize her entirely. She's also just terrified of her own abilities and the fact that she is still able to lose control of them, just to a much lesser degree.

skin: How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they grapple with anything that lives inside them—a beast, a curse, a failure, a monster? How do they face the smallest, weakest, most horrible version of themselves? Are they able to acknowledge it at all?

Orla is fairly comfortable. The worst version of herself is a version that cannot and will not learn about the world whether than be in their control or not. So long as she is learning and growing and getting stronger she continues to be comfortable with the person she has become. Perhaps this stems from the fear of being left behind and forgotten but she hasn't really grappled with that yet.

torture: Has your OC ever been tortured? Would your OC ever torture someone else?

Tortured, yes. Torture someone else? No. Perhaps send someone else to do it, but not when she's within earshot. The sound of screams and begging makes her physically ill. She doesn't actually have an issue with hurting people if she's decided they deserve it, it's quite literally just the screaming that gets to her.

wound: How does your OC handle being wounded? Are their wounds mostly physical? Mental? Emotional? What's the worst wound your OC has ever experienced?

Physically, little to no reaction. She has a boggling amount of defenses to make sure physical ailments do not stop her to the point that it's almost a horror show. Now, those defenses can be disabled but it would take more than most could handle. She has been extensively tortured before. Mental and emotional wounds hit her harder than any physical wound as there's very nearly no physical ailment she can't recover from. At least, not anymore.

[theamberwizard]

i’ve been thinking about black widow and the red room recently, as one does, and i’ve got a lot of thoughts about the effects of the red room on widows who’ve escaped. couple things, just before i begin: i would recommend having watched black widow before this because there are implied (?) spoilers, i use way too fancy language while i write and i don’t have an editor cause this is mainly to catch her off guard, so, uh, whoops sorry

trigger warnings: TW: child abuse TW: restricted eating/starving yourself TW: dehumanization TW: death of a child

so yeah, enjoy my list of 10 personal headcanons about how the red room fucks you up on all the levels.

1) black widows cannot sleep in. like, they wake up at 5:00 am every day. it’s not a physical thing, at least not as far as they know, because they can negate that by just going to bed two hours or less before 5:00 am just from their lack of sleep. if, however, they go to sleep at a fairly normal hour they will, like clockwork, wake up at 5:00. this stems from them doing it every single day of their life since they got indoctrinated in the red room. if they didn’t wake up at 5:00 am ready for more training or missions, for any reason, they would be tortured. sometimes physically, sometimes mentally. eventually, all the widows would get that message. they still can’t shake it. because of that, natasha will often refuse to go to sleep at a normal hour, trying to force her body into submission, trying to rid herself of the painful memories that accompanied sleep and waking up afterwards. only clint knows why, because each day in that vent, natasha would snap up at 4:00 am. she had to explain to him that she just wasn’t accustomed to budapest time, and that actually, it was 5:00 am in russia.

2) for months after escaping the red room, widows practically cannot eat. in the red room, they were fed mushy messes of meals, filled with only the necessary nutrients that they absolutely had to have to survive. most widows can only get down one meal, maybe even a snack if they push it, until they throw it all up. they have to slowly eat slightly more each day for weeks until they can get down a normal intake of food. even then, it’s hard to push that, and every widow relapses into throwing up in those early stages. however, this isn’t normally a problem for most widows until a couple weeks into their life with freedom. that’s about the time that they make an acquaintance, who will eventually pluck up the courage to ask them why every time said friend will eat near the widow, the widow will lean over and whisper: “careful, that’s your whole ration today and i don’t want to do extra training.”

3) each “class” of widows had an extra mentor teacher in their early red room years. this was an older widow, someone who’d been falling behind in her recent missions, and with a look that the red room deemed “motherly”. their sole purpose was to be the person each widow got attached too, the parental figure. they were nice, they were helpful, they taught many different basic techniques. then, one day, the red room would have another older widow, (one already introduced to the children as the metaphorical “bad cop” of this scenario) come in and inform the mentor that she had failed her latest mission and proceed to, in front of thirty eleven year-olds, shoot the mentor. the mentor widow would not die that day- the red room refused to waste such a weapon- but the class of up incoming widows would be informed that she had. the official purpose of this exercise was to demonstrate to both the trainees and the trainer the consequences of failing a mission. the unofficial purpose? that would be the last psychological effects the mentor’s “death” would have upon the class, making them learn what happened to attachments in the red room. the day natasha’s class experienced this was the day she cut off all contact with her sister. the day yelena experiences this is the day she first another widow- because yelena killed that mentor with her own bare hands before the informant ever finished the announcement.

4) towards the start of the red room’s history, there were several attacks on the red room. the first ever attack was from a local police station who had been getting complaints of loud wailing, and, upon further investigation, realized what they were dealing with. they brought several other police and militia groups from nearby towns. the immediate action that was taken was to throw the littlest girls they had at the attackers. it stopped the police in their tracks, obviously, because you really don’t expect to come across thirty little girls while searching through a building of highly trained assassins. the red room then sent their fully trained widows and killed everyone. including the girls. the red room then found that footage from their cameras (because of fucking course they have cameras) and then showed it to the next batch of widows, just to show them how disposable they were.

5) yelena and natasha almost caused a whole fucking mutiny within the red room just because of their names. in the red room, you see, widows do not get names. they instead are bestowed with numbers, and even those are a twisted class ranking. they all wore little name tags with the numbers on them until came natasha and yelena came in. yelena, having just seen her mother get shot, complied almost immediately and was addressed as number 42. on the other side of that coin you have natasha, who had already been in the red room and remembered every gruesome detail, and went “fuck you my name is natalia.” upon hearing of this (word gets around fast in the red room. every girl must know they are being listened to at all times, and no secrets can be kept from the red room,) yelena too announced her name to the class.

6) this was met with blanching from every child in that class, because how on earth can you be called by a word? no, they thought, we are numbers, we are weapons, we are not people and we cannot have our own words, for we are not worthy. but secretly, internally, they wished for a name. slowly, they began piecing syllables together until they formed a coherent name, and for the first time in the red room’s long history, they didn’t have weapons. not anymore. they have two full classes of human little girls. the red room officials heard of this, obviously, and took to the only method they had now. violence. the classes were rid of the named girls, yet natasha and yelena were kept alive. they were kept alive to be ostracized, to be the girl the others pointed at and said “she’s the reason all my friends died.” they were kept alive so they could watch the carnage they had unwittingly caused just by saying their own names. and the worst part? well, the worst part was when the teachers accounted for those kills, and made them top of the class. yelena will never forget the day the teachers stood her and her sister up in front of all the widows-in-traning and told them what a good job they had done, how those tactics were sure to help them graduate. i mean, you’re practically a shoo-in if they rest of your class was killed by your school.

7) the red room could never fully stop the names, and so they decided to make a system, and the names would be the highest reward. they told the young, impressionable girls that while maybe outsiders such as natasha and yelena got names at birth, you had to earn them here. if you are to become a spy, you will take on the name of you very first official alias. if, instead, you become an assassin, you will take on the name of your very first official kill. of course, in reality, the widows couldn’t actually address each other with their new earned names, and instead used “team leader” or other such titles. but it became a small comfort for them, thinking of themselves in third person, with their very own names. in some small part they weren’t fully weapons anymore, no, they were people again. natasha took on the name natalia, because in her mind that life in ohio had been her first mission, even if she hadn’t known it. yelena took on yelena as well, but in her mind that little girl in ohio who was sitting in the backseat, caring only about which song they played, that girl had to have been yelena’s first true kill.

8) the names system worked well in the red room, but when you escaped it caused some serious problems. most would have to announce themselves to the russian government, saying they had been flying under the radar their whole life and never became registered. then, they’d give a non-russian name, and their whole ruse would fall apart. unfortunately, this was the least of their problems, because many a widow would someday meet a relative of their very first kill, and when they introduced themselves as the person they had killed all those years ago, the families and friends would often figure them out.

9) one of the biggest parts of the red room’s brainwashing was their little catchphrases they used. ironically, a lot of them were eerily close to boy scout mottos- “be prepared,” an iconic scout motto, versus “there is no safety, only preparedness,” the most frequently used phrase within the red room. when widows then escaped, the most small phrase could set them off. some unknowing widows even adopted little boys in their new lives, who often became boy scouts. the ensuing misery is something you can imagine yourself.

10) after clint helped natasha to escape, she immediately died her hair blond.  clint asked why, of course, and she didn’t tell him. (what, you thought i’d have another cute clintasha moment? never.) this was partly because she hadn’t admitted it to herself, though, because natasha couldn’t remember her sister without remembering all the suffering that came with her.

11) when the widows were smaller, more susceptible to the conditioning, the red room would stage infiltrations. older widows, ones who were closer to retirement, would come in in different uniforms, sometimes the uniforms of UN officers or local police, sometimes different organizations, all different types. the most recent uniforms made yelena sick looking at them, because each time the older widows would pretend to be the avengers there would also be one pretending to be her sister. each time she saw the fake natasha she wanted to break that widow’s neck because that’s not how my sister tilts her head, you’re doing it all wrong. you should be doing it like this, you shouldn’t be doing it at all, i should be doing this, i know my sister. each time those exact thoughts went into her head, and each time all she really wanted was for her sister to be there, for natasha to do her little head tilt upon seeing yelena and take her hand and say “you’re safe now, i promise,” and for natasha to be telling the truth. the only problem was that deep down inside herself yelena knew that this could never actually happen while yelena was still in the red room, because while yelena was still in the red room she knew that she would look at natasha telling her she was safe and tell her in return that there was no safety, only preparedness, and then murder her sister in cold blood.

[juiceastronaut]

If I can throw in my two cents about the whole Camila situation:

Honestly what I think is happening is people are projecting their own experiences a little too deeply onto Luz and vilifying Camila because they don't have a great relationship with their parents. I also think people's minds are jumping to the worst-case scenario of what the camp actually is (I don't think the answer is conversion therapy cmon guys this is a kid's show). The overall lesson in the Boiling Isles is that one needs to learn to consider the effect of their actions on others, especially if it's linked to one's creativity. It celebrates being different but also doesn't say that you can act any way you want because you're different. I think a lot of people are closer to Pilot Luz than they realize, and since they haven't gotten that reality check themselves, view these lessons for Luz as an attack on her, and thus an attack on themselves because they haven't learned that lesson yet. But anyway, back to the camp.

I think what's happening is people are getting really hung up about the "Think Inside the Box!" slogan from the first episode, which may seem to directly want to stifle kids' creativity. I think there are two explanations this can fall under, an in-universe one and an out-of-universe one. The in-universe explanation is that maybe the marketing team really sucks and in an attempt to be quirky and creative (look at us we're subverting a popular phrase!) it came off as really bad. The second explanation is, I don't think the Owl House team was thinking that far ahead when constructing the pilot, and how relevant the camp was going to be in later episodes, so they put a little joke in there to both get a laugh out of people, and to quickly solidify that Luz doesn't want to go to that camp and the reason for that. I think some light dismissal of earlier episodes is in order here, because a lot has happened between the pilot and now, and obviously, the reconstruction in Yesterday's Lie is the reality that the crew wants the viewers to go forward with. Maybe the camp wouldn't have even been that bad.

Maybe if Luz actually went she would've had a good time there. I think the more accurate interpretation is...maybe it did suck, but she would've still been able to garner good experiences from it, friends as well, so that going wouldn't have been all that bad, or at least not a living nightmare. Remind you of anyplace? (the answer is school). So maybe Luz would've had the reality check she needed, learning skills and making friends, and still have the camp be an unpleasant experience. I think those can both coexist, and I don't think the camp needs to be literal conversion therapy in order to achieve that. Okay, onto Camila.

Camila isn't perfect. I know people throw around that phrase a lot but I don't think you can find a more apt situation to apply this too. Carmilla, trying her best to do what's right by Luz, sometimes stumbles and does the exact opposite, but doing that out of love for Luz. I fully subscribe to the theory that the camp wasn't really her idea, and more of a suggestion by the school or Luz would have faced expulsion. Again, the pilot didn't really put weight on Luz's actions, but as of the most recent episode its obvious that Luz was close to receiving a very serious consequence by endangering people by bringing snakes and explosives into school. In the first few episodes it was a way to show that Luz was quirky and didn't fit in with the other kids, but as Luz has matured on the Boiling Isles that lets us revisit those scenarios in a different light. I'm sure Luz didn't see anything wrong with what she did, and the framing reflects that, maybe she'll feel differently now after the character growth she's gotten.

Camila loves that Luz is creative, and she loves her daughter for who she is. She even actively engages with Luz in her interests, as seen in Yesterdays's Lie. But as a parent its also Camilas responsibility to raise Luz into a person that can interact with society in a healthy way. Of course, that would be personally tailored to Luz as a person, and she shouldn't try to make Luz fit a certain standard, but that's not what's happening here.

Camila would be enabling Luz if she just allowed her to continue with these high stakes, highly dangerous expressions of "creativity" because Luz was posing a danger to others and to herself. I would actually say Camila would have been a bad parent if she made excuses for Luz's behavior and didn't do anything to curb that. Maybe camp wasn't 100% the best course of action to take, but at least she does something to make sure Luz feels the weight of her actions. I don't even think of the camp as a punishment per se, which is leaps and bounds above what any other parent would do in that situation (I'm under the belief that punishment isn't always the most effective way to facilitate behavior in children). Camila putting her foot down doesn't make her a bad parent, its what a parent should be doing in this situation!

By the end of the episode Yesterdays Lie, Camila's whole life was turned upside down. The person she thought was her daughter actually wasn't her daughter and her actual daughter chose to leave her and is now stuck in a completely different world where she can't reach or even talk to her. I think it's unfair to her to expect her to rationally react to that situation in any capacity. Her daughter left her and she desperately wanted her back, and was/is fearful of losing her again. That's why she made Luz promise to stay when she got back. She doesn't want to lose her again. She blames herself for driving her daughter away, probably for all the above reasons in relation to the camp, maybe for something else entirely.

The thing is, Luz didn't have enough time to explain to her mom what exactly went into her motivations to stay on the Boiling Isles. She wasn't even going to stay there permanently, she was going to go back when camp ended why? For her mom. She didn't want to be away from her any longer than she expected to be away. It was only after the whole Belos thing happened that she was stuck. But she didn't have the time to explain that. So essentially what Camila heard was "Im stuck over here with no way home and I chose that. for myself." Damn I'd get upset too! This whole thing is a misunderstanding I don't for one second think any situation where Camila forces her home to never see her friends again, or Luz being forced to break her promise and stay on the Isles forever is actually going to come to fruition. Luz will probably tell Camila about her time in the Isles and Camila will go "Oh my god I'm so happy you made friends, okay of course you can go back and forth" because I assume they'll have fixed/have another door by then.

In conclusion, Camila is an actual imperfect mother in the most literal sense, instead of saying someone's imperfect but never misstepping when it comes to taking care of her kids. She messes up, doesn't do the right thing because she's working against forces outside of her control or is having a very human reaction to a genuinely stressful situation. People are projecting their own home lives a little too much into Luz's situation which I think leads to people being harsher with Camila than she deserves. She's a good mom, and I think a realistic and complex character. Y'all are just mean.

Also anyone saying that Camila having a flip-flop (la chancla) in her purse is a sign that Luz is being abused...are you on crack? Is it crack you're smoking? No, but it's a haha shout out to the latino community it's not that deep oh my go--

[stxleslyds]

What do you think about the theories that Jason was sexually abused as a child? Or even possibly while he was comatose after his resurrection?

Implications of this theory include his conversation with Mia (Speedy) and Bruce's message (Battle for the Cowl). In addition, when he was Robin he expressed what was then considered uncharacteristic rage towards the perpetrators of sex crimes.

Garzonas - unrepentant rapist who got no consequences

When a woman killed her sister's rapist and murderer (because Batman's evidence was not admissible in court), Batman said that she went too far with murder. Jason's disagreed with "Good riddance". Good for you, Jason.

His recklessness when dealing with a child sex trafficking ring.

I highly doubt that DC would ever confirm this theory. I would rather they leave it ambiguous because I don't trust them to not botch Jason... much less respectfully address the subject matter.

I have read so many thoughts on Jason that they're starting to blend together. So I apologize if you've already answered this before.

Hello friend! Aside from the fact that I took way too much time to answer your ask, this was also a hard question to come up with an answer to, I wanted to remain respectful of the subjects at hand even though I don’t second this headcanon. But before we keep going, let me put some trigger warnings in this post.

trigger warning: mentions of sexual abuse, child abuse, rape.

First, I would like to bring up these two concepts because I oftentimes mix them up when talking about these “ideas”.

Theory: a supposition or a system of ideas intended to explain something; an idea used to account for a situation or justify a course of action.

Headcanon: Headcanon generally refers to ideas held by fans of series that are not explicitly supported by sanctioned text or other media. Fans maintain the ideas in their heads, outside of the accepted canon.

I think the idea of Jason having been sexually abused at any point in his lifetime is a mix between a theory and a headcanon. Why I am saying this? Because as you have put in the ask, there has been instances where fandom has found pieces of information that they have considered the base of this idea.

So, if we say that there is a piece of text that might support that idea and they build from that to justify a course of action we would be looking at a theory. In this case Jason having been abused would the reason as to why he acts in that strong and violent way towards cases of sexual abuse/harassment.

In the other hand those pieces of text might not support that idea so fandom headcanons that idea in order to build another layer to a character, in this case Jason having been abused would also justify his actions towards certain criminals.

The “text” (panels, issues, mentions) are most of the time ambiguous, which makes readers have different perspectives in what is being written and what then is made into a theory or headcanon.

Personally, I don’t like this theory or headcanon for various reasons (which I will explain later in the post), and I have read and understood those moments mentioned as Jason just having survived Crime Alley as something general, I don’t think he suffered that kind of abuse but I think he was made aware of that type of behaviour every day that he spent alone in the streets and that why we saw Jason in Batman #408 saying that he had “graduated a long time ago from the streets of crime alley”.

Having said that, I do understand that some of the moments mentioned can be seen as ambiguous and that’s what leads people to theorize/headcanon that idea, because of that I would like to show the panels mentioned in your ask so everyone can read them and make up their own conclusions and then I will talk about the reasons why I don’t like this particular theory/headcanon.

As Robin:

Batman (1940) #422

In these panels we can see Jason as Robin jumping in to defend a woman that was being attacked by a man. There I only see Jason acting like a vigilante would, maybe he was hitting too hard or whatever but Batman has hit people as much as Jason was doing it this time around, plus I, personally, don’t see any kind of problem with Jason beating a man that was harassing and threatening a woman with death.

Right beside we have Jason being on the side of the woman that killed her sister’s attacker. He didn’t see any problem with that woman seeking justice for her sister on her own when the police, Batman and himself couldn’t get the job done.

Here I see Jason having a big problem with authorities and justice system, which is not something new, in Batman #408, Jason says very clearly that he doesn’t trust the system in Gotham (the police, social workers and such), and he was also shown in that comic talking very fondly about his mother and about how much he cared for her when she was at her worst. Let’s remember that Jason loved his mother, he took care of her and resented his father for being abusive towards her and even introducing her to drugs.

Instead understanding these panels as Jason having been abused himself, I see it more as Jason having a humongous understanding of how much women and others suffer in Gotham due to the justice system’s lack of action. I also see Jason as the kind of boy that respected all women and could not sit and do nothing when people were hitting and abusing women just like his father did to his mother.

Batman (1940) #424

This issue starts by saying that Jason jumps into action as soon as he hears someone scream but that he wasn’t going to be prepared to see what was happening. This is the issue where all of us meet Felipe Garzonas, the abuser and rapist of many women. At first Jason doesn’t know what Felipe was doing but after he and Batman “defeat” Felipe, he goes to the room where he finds Gloria in a bed badly hurt and scared. Jason is shocked when he first finds her and after hearing her story in the police station, he becomes more and more happy about the fact that by having caught Felipe, he and Batman would be able to offer some peace and justice to Gloria after he goes to jail, but that doesn’t happen.

They had all the evidence to put Felipe in jail and the police could easily see that Gloria was the victim but because Felipe had someone to back his made-up story up, he was able to not be arrested and jailed.

Jason once again is baffled at the lack of action by the police or simply justice not being able to be made in favour of the true victim. Batman even says that he has noticed that Jason “had become to emotionally invested with the case” which could favour either idea (Jason having suffered sexual abuse or not), in my case I see this once again as Jason not being able to remain calm after doing everything to keep that woman safe and the justice system not being able to do it themselves in a more permanent way (jail time, or whatever).

But that’s not all because Jason being too emotional with that case was brought up as a way to show that Jason couldn’t see that Felipe had been under the influence of drugs, which is something that Jason can see in people very well (do to experience with his mother and his training with Batman). So, Felipe is now a rapist, an abuser, he does drugs and he also has a market for it.

Because Felipe was allowed to go back to his “normal” life he had Gloria be killed, and he kept abusing drugs and women, when Jason finds Gloria’s dead body and that Batman still seems to abide the justice system he snaps. He goes alone to see Felipe and that’s were this iconic panel comes from. The moments before Jason made his first kill and felt no remorse about it. I know this is kinda soft topic because Jason was a teenager, but good for him, kill that bitch. Gotham doesn’t need more people like him.

Batman (1940) #226

This is the issue where Jason attacks the men that were involved with some very nasty stuff involving children. Batman narrates and says that him and Jason had been working on this case for three weeks. Jason jumps into action suddenly and “recklessly” even though Batman considered their investigation wasn’t over, he also says that he thinks that Jason had been “acting oddly” and that he was very “moody, resentful and reckless” and that that attitude could “get him killed”.

This could be used as to add more proof of the abuse idea but I actually see it as build up to Jason’s death, that happened two issues later. Let’s remember that Jason found out of his birth mother and was desperate to find and save her from Joker, because he was a good son but also because he didn’t feel like Bruce loved, cared or appreciated him anymore. Ever since Jason made it clear that he didn’t see the world and justice in the same way that Batman did back in issue #422, Jason and Bruce’s relationship suffered, they just couldn’t see eye to eye on some subjects and Bruce’s neglect or lack of care for what Jason believed in drove Jason to act the way he did in the case involving his mother and the Joker.

Jason obviously has major issues with kids being abused and put in dangerous situations, he as the Red Hood (Winick’s Red Hood) is the same, he really wants kids to be taken far away from drugs so they cannot be manipulated, used and abused by Gotham’s Drug Lords. Here I can see some of the same thing, Jason being protective of those kids and getting fed up with how much time he and Batman had to wait to do anything about the subject, along side it I bet Jason wasn’t seeing the police or the justice system doing anything about the whole thing so that could have probably fuelled his desperate attack of those horrible people.

As Batman/Red Hood:

Batman: Battle for the Cowl #3

Battle for the Cowl… yeah I am going to be brutally honest about this, if anyone thinks that this is someway or somehow proof that Jason had been abused in the past then I think we have very different ways of thinking how survivors must be treated or written in comics and other media.

This to me is pure bad writing, this is some of the worst things I have seen being written in comics. Whether or not this implies Jason being abused or not, Bruce’s message is absolutely disgusting and not at all helpful, it is even worse when you realise that Dick, a canon sexual assault survivor, is the one playing the message to Jason even though Jason explicitly said that he didn’t want to hear it again. That Book, issue, page and panel are extremely badly written and is one of the most terrible Jason and Dick characterizations ever.

So, I don’t really care if this panel is supposed to offer support to that theory or headcanon, I really dislike that speech and if it is actually referencing Jason as being a survivor of child abuse, then Tony S. Daniel needs to make an apology from today to the day he dies.

“Of all my failures, you have been my biggest” “You were broken and I thought I could put the pieces back together. I thought I could do for you what could never be done for me. Make you whole” “What happened to you as a child… the terror, the pain, the horrors” “You needed repair and instead I gave you an outlet to act out on”

Absolute garbage writing. Me, as Bruce is number one hater, know that that speech is even out of character for Bruce. Listen, if Jason had been a victim of sexual assault or just being a kid living alone in Crime Alley, no one should leave a message like that, telling a victim that they were broken and needed fixing, what the hell? No, thank you, this issue proves nothing except that Battle for the Cowl was a mistake as a whole.

Green Arrow (2001) #72

Judd Winick is clever I will always say that, and while I do see why people think that Jason is making the “child abuse idea” canon I still think that the way that he talks is still fairly ambiguous if not just him playing mind games with Mia.

I know it sounds wrong, but hear me out, Winick, in this arc makes Batman say that Jason distracted him and Oliver just to take Mia as a “hostage” because that was Jason’s way to mess with him. This arc happens right after UtRH and Jason is a bit more unhinged than ever. But he doesn’t harm Mia, he just talks to her, he tries to make her see why he acts the way he does and to do that he talks about how much he sees of himself in her. Do I believe that Jason suffered the same things Mia did? No. Do I think that their past is similar? Yes.

But Jason doesn’t only use the fact that they have similar pasts to make Mia rebel against her “no killing ways” and Oliver like he did with Bruce, but he also brings up the fact that their past is incredibly different to the lives of Bruce and Oliver, and that those differences are of importance.

Maybe it’s just me, but I didn’t see Jason bringing Mia’s past for anything other than manipulating her and kinda make her see Oliver in a negative light the way that he does Batman and Bruce. Jason was at a point in his life where all he wanted to do was deliver the same pain that he had gone through but he didn’t do it by physically harming anyone (Mia was left unscratched), he was just out there trying to play mind games so he could break more havoc in Batman’s name.

Mia’s past is just way too different to whatever we have seen in canon from Jason’s past. Maybe I am wrong, after all, I only read about Mia in that arc.

-

With all that having been said I think it’s pretty obvious that I just don’t think that Jason’ having been sexually abused as a child actually happened, and I also don’t like to think about his past in that way. His canon suffering could have made him act that violently against criminals involved with sexual attacks and drug-related crimes, but I also think that’s just how Jason was, he really disliked the justice system in Gotham and saw how much it failed to protect victims, so now that he had the training to help those who couldn’t do it for themselves, he tried his best to bring criminals to justice.

And when that didn’t work, he grew more and more frustrated with Batman’s methods which led him to be more unforgiving and violent.

I also don’t like the theory/headcanon as a whole because I think its one of those things that Fandom comes up with just for that extra angst factor in their favourite character’s story so they can make him suffer more and because of that no other Robin or character as a whole can ever understand his pain or whatever. In this fandom there is a lot of “competitive trauma” going on and I honestly dislike it a lot.

About Jason having been assaulted while he was in a coma, I don't really know, he was at a hospital for what I believe were six moths, maybe that idea comes from real life happenings but I have never thought of that happening in Jason's life and I would rather not give it much more thought.

Also, I believe that DC just like fandom would have never been able to handle the subject of Jason having been a sexual assault survivor with the respect and care that it actually needs. We have seen DC treat sexual harassment and abuse as nothing but a side plot or bringing it up in an extremely disturbing way. In Fandom some (very few) people end up glamorising or romanticising these subjects so, I don’t believe the comic world was or is ready to treat a backstory like this with the respect it needs.

Maybe I haven’t even treated the subject with the respect and care that it needs and if that’s the case then I am truly sorry.

I had never answered a question regarding this subject before and I really appreciate all the questions you send my way; they do make my brain happy. I am really sorry it took me this long to write an answer to you but I hope the post is good enough for all the time I made you wait!

I hope you have an amazing week!

[uswntxfootball]

wonderland (kristie mewis x uswnt!reader)

all the memories and suppressed feelings flood back when she gets called up to the national team again.

word count: 2624 ish

rated D for dumb idiots. also F for flustered reader. and A for a little angsty.

——

it was tuesday morning when you had a near death experience.

jordan thinks that you’re being overdramatic but you don’t listen to her anyways.

on your off day of training the team decided to go out to have a nice breakfast together at a cafe.

there was the usual banter, disgusting couple moments (you constantly made gagging noises at them), and general stupidity.

after a bit the conversation dulled a little, but spiked again when jordan said:

“hey doesn’t the uswnt roster drop today?”

oh crap you forgot about that.

“oh crap yes it does.”

you were pretty sure you were going to make it again.

you’ve been very constant with your playing, scoring goals nationally and at the wsl alike.

still you couldn’t help the nerves that crept their way up your skin, and you handed your phone to jordan to have her read the list .

“read the list of midfielders aloud for me would you?”

the forward accepted it without hesitation, this being a usual exchange between the two of you.

jordan scanned the page a few times before smiling:

“i am proud to present the midfielders for the 2020 netherlands camp-“

“oh stop it just get on with it.”

“well i was before you rudely interrupted me-“

“alright whatever well keep going then.”

“julie ertz.”

“ditto.”

“lindsey horan.”

“also a given.”

“rose lavelle.”

“obviously.”

“catarina macario.”

“i’m not surprised.”

“sam mewis.”

“uh huh”

“and yours truly, y/n y/ln.”

the table cheered a little and you blushed, taking a bite of your avocado toast to hide your smile.

“oh and kristie mewis.”

and then you inhaled sharply, choking on your bite of food.

“who?” you managed to get out through a fit of coughing.

your inquiry was met with an array of exclamations.

“do you not know who kristie mewis is?”

“sam mewis’s sister?”

“won the challenge cup with dash?”

“dated rachel daly?”

“how do you not know who she is?!”

“you’re american for god’s sake!”

you ignored them all and instead said to jordan:

“can you hand me the water?”

jordan furrowed her eyebrows and handed you a glass of water as you coughed away.

you shot her a thankful glance before it was broken again by your nonstop coughing.

daan turned and slapped you a few times on the back which helped slightly.

for the rest of the breakfast jordan noticed you were much quieter, resorting to staring off into space instead of filling the silences with bad jokes.

after breakfast she caught up with you.

“alright spill.”

you shot her a look of confusion.

“spill about what?”

“you and kristie.”

“there’s nothing to spill.”

“that’s a lie and you know that.”

“i- hey would you look at the time i gotta go!”

you glanced at your wrist quickly before running off.

jordan shook her head before yelling out:

“you don’t even have a watch on!”

~~

steph watched the two of you and shook her head.

you and kristie were bickering about something across the field, too caught up in your own world to pay attention to the fact that training had ended.

steph and kristie were both boston college grads, and the two had been close friends before signing together.

kristie had taking a particular liking to you, and within the first week of training you found yourself included in everything the they did.

the three of you played for the boston breakers, sharing an apartment, a car, and consequently all your personal spaces as well.

and so it was only fitting that the three of you bickered.

a lot.

you and kristie more than anyone.

“that is the worst show in existence!”

“no it is not the cinematography is fantastic it’s-“

“no the acting is so bad!”

“no it’s not i-“

“you just have bad show choices.”

you gasped in offense.

“take it back.”

kristie grinned and stuck her tongue out at you.

“never.”

“well then you better run.”

kristie’s eyes widened when you lunged at her.

she took off but you, being faster tackled her to the ground.

your fingers dug into her sides and through a fit of laughter she relented.

“okay okay! i take it back! you have good taste in shows!”

you grinned triumphantly and stopped, your hands on both sides of kristie’s head as you looked down at her.

kristie’s cheeks were flushed and her chest heaved slightly as she looked up at you.

you were briefly aware of the pounding in your ears and butterflies in your stomach.

your eyes locked onto hers and unbeknownst to you you were leaning in but kristie was very, very aware of it, and just as she was about to lean in as well, steph’s yell broke the two of you out of your trance.

“hey training is over idiots!”

you shoot up so fast that your vision goes a little bit black.

you stumble a little bit before finding your balance.

“shut up mccaffrey you almost gave me a heart attack.”

you look down to see kristie still on the ground before you stick a hand out to help her up.

“what were the two of you even fighting about?”

you gave kristie a pointed look before saying:

“this idiot said my show choice was bad.”

steph thought about it for a minute.

“well i mean she isn’t wrong.”

kristie lets out an exclamation after hearing that.

“see?! i told you!”

“hey! you took it back!”

“doesn’t mean it isn’t true!”

“i’m being bullied.”

“oh shut up y/n.”

~~

adjusting your mask and sunglasses, you made your way out of the plane with a few of your teammates.

you had just landed in the netherlands, and coming from england you had a shorter flight compared to most of the team, who would be landing in an hour or so.

you were brimming with excitement at meeting up with your us teammates, as you hadn’t seen them since the beginning of the pandemic.

even then you didn’t get to see them often as you played in the wsl.

you had signed with arsenal in 2017, after the league folded and the boston breakers disbanded, as you were done with the american soccer system.

england had welcomed you with open arms, and you soon made a home there, flying back every so often for national team camps and games.

so when the pandemic hit and a handful of your teammates signed for international clubs, you were ecstatic.

even if they signed for opposing teams.

at least none of them signed for chelsea.

christen gave you a little tap when she saw your suitcases, and you gave her a thankful look before going to grab them.

when everyone was settled, you made your way to the bus and set off on your way to the hotel.

“sam how excited are you that kristie is coming?”

your head snapped up at the mention of the midfielder’s name, an action sam noticed but didn’t comment on.

“i’m so happy! she’s happy too on being called back and can’t wait to see her old teammates again!”

your cheeks flushed a little when sam’s eyes met yours at the end of her statement, and you suddenly found the ground very interesting.

it was a little later when you arrived at the hotel and rose kicked your foot that you looked up.

making your way into the hotel was an interesting experience.

on one hand you were beyond excited that you were back with the national team, yet on the other hand the prospect of seeing kristie made you want to throw up a little bit.

it’s not that you didn’t want to see her.

you were nervous because you liked? like? her.

of course this you realized way after you had left the us.

or rather, just as you were about to leave.

~~

you stood, heart racing as you stood in front of kristie’s door.

your hand hovered above it for a little bit as you tried to swallow and breathe normally.

you had already told steph and the rest of your friends but why was it so much harder to tell kristie?

were you afraid of what she was going to say?

that you were going to leave the country, leave the nwsl, and leave her?

you take a deep breath to calm down and you gave it a little knock.

the door flies open in less than a second.

“y/n! what are you doing here?”

kristie’s cheery demeanor rattled you a little bit.

upon seeing your face she frowned.

“what’s wrong?”

“i-“

your mouth was so dry and it trembled a little.

you could feel your heartbeat in your ears, tears threatening to spill.

kristie’s looking at you with a face full of worry now, and you couldn’t get the words out.

“i-“

you close your mouth again and take a second to look at her.

noting the ways her eyes sparkled and the way her hair was falling out from her bun in little curls over her shoulders.

and then it comes out in a hushed whisper when you least expect it.

“i’m moving to england.”

kristie looks at you too stunned to speak.

she whispers:

“when are you leaving?”

you look down at the ground.

“tomorrow.”

you keep your eyes trained on the ground, too scared to look up at her, knowing that when you look at her the tears you’ve fought so hard to hold back are going to spill.

the silence that falls between you is too heavy. too thick. too constricting.

you find yourself lunging forward towards the midfielder, wrapping her in a hug as the tears spill.

“i’m so sorry i didn’t tell you sooner.”

kristie doesn’t say anything.

she just hugs you harder.

you break away when you have to, but as soon as you turn kristie grabs your wrist.

you turn to ask her what’s wrong but her lips are on yours in an instant.

before you can even process what happened she pulls back.

“you’re going to kill it in england.”

and then she walks into the apartment and shuts the door.

~~

ironically you walk into a door when you see her.

to be fair it wasn’t your fault.

it was hers.

well maybe it was yours.

your head had been all over the place in the past few days, ever since the prospect of seeing her was brought up.

when you had left five years ago, you couldn’t help but replay that kiss over and over in your head.

you couldn’t believe all the signs you had missed.

so yeah.

you were nervous.

and so with music blasting in your headphones, you were prepping for a run, and subsequently not paying any attention to where you were walking and she opens the door right in your face.

you stumble a little bit backwards, before falling down.

you haven’t even looked up, instead sitting on the ground rubbing your forehead and cursing.

it’s when a pair of sneakers appears in front of you that you look up.

and you actually choke on air.

before you stood the woman you had been thinking about, sporting an amused smile and quirked eyebrow.

she says something you don’t hear and it’s only when she leans down and takes your headphones off that you notice them.

your cheeks flush and you mutter an embarrassed “oops” which elicited a chuckle from the midfielder in front of you.

she extends her hand out to you and you take it, sparks shooting up your arm at the contact.

she pulls you into a hug and the two of you quickly fall into conversation.

here up close, you can spot all the changes and similarities of the girl you left 5 years ago.

the five years had been great to her, she was now even more breathtaking than before, no longer the awkward kid but a gorgeous woman.

she almost looks like a completely different person.

almost.

but you notice the same ways her eyes sparkle when she talks, the way the corners of her mouth tug up slowly when she smiles, and the way she tucks loose strands of hair behind her ear and you know this is the same girl you were so smitten with 5 years ago.

“you done checking me out now?”

your gaze snaps back up to her face and blush, a little surprised by her statement.

kristie gives you a teasing smile before saying:

“come on i’m just joking.”

she even has the audacity to wink at you.

and this behavior continues.

for the whole training camp she flirts with you.

you’re a little taken aback by the confidence in the girl.

with the constant winking and flirting and fleeting touches you’re pretty sure she’s trying to kill you.

“y/n. y/n!”

sonnett’s voice snaps your gaze back onto her face.

“sorry what?”

“you were so far into la la land i almost had to get ryan gosling to come get you.”

you shoot her an annoyed look.

“oh shut up no.”

your eyes drift back to the other side of the field, to where kristie was.

sonnett rests her chin on your shoulder and says:

“so who are we checking out today?”

you turn to her and scowl.

“no one.”

“you’re no fun.”

“no.”

“come on you love me.”

“no.”

~~

and of course she scores.

of course.

no matter how hyped the game was.

or how difficult the netherlands defense was.

of course she scores.

she had been on for less than two minutes when she did so too.

you’re so excited you almost trip over your own feet.

she runs to you and you catch her as she jumps, and soon the rest of the team comes to envelop the two of you in a hug.

“i’m so fucking proud of you,” you whisper, and when everyone has relaxed a little, she kisses you.

it’s firmer and more insistent than the one from five years ago.

it’s almost like she knows what she wants and what you want.

you pull away after a few seconds, but only because you have a game to win still.

“come on kris let’s kick some ass.”

you let go of her and the two of you make your way back to your positions.

a few of your arsenal teammate shoot you teasing glances, and you blush when you meet them.

and when the whistle blows thirty minutes later, they make sure to tease you about it after the game.

you see kristie walking towards you and you grin, but before she gets there sam steps in front of you.

you look up at her, and when she doesn’t speak you fill the silence.

“i promise not to hurt her.”

sam quirks an eyebrow and leans in to whisper:

“you better not. or i will tear off your arm and beat you with i-“

“sam!”

kristie gives her sister a little slap in the arm before pulling you away with her.

“hey.”

“um h-hey,” you stammer, rubbing your neck nervously.

“you’re so cute.”

you blush a bit, your heart racing.

kristie catches your hand when it comes down and intertwines her fingers with yours.

“go on a date with me?”

you blush even harder and nod enthusiastically, not trusting your voice at this point.

she gives you a look before leaning in and connecting her lips with yours.

“hey please don’t bang my sister on the field!”

[jaycewrites-192000]

The Rest Of Our Lives

Levi Ackerman x Reader

It had all finally came to an end, the world could finally try its best to heal from years upon years of death.

Speaking of healing, he had gone through the worst of it over the years. And finally, he has the rest of his life to heal.

But he can't do it alone...

(Spoiler Warning!!! This story contains spoilers for the end of the Attack on Titan manga!!!)

It had been three years since that fateful battle. So many lives had been lost that day, good and bad, friend and enemy. Even the majority of the human population, eighty percent to be specific, had been wiped out just for the slim chance of peace, and even then, it wasn't completely guaranteed. But for now, all was calm. That day, was the battle between titan and human, heaven and earth. The day the dreaded rumbling had began, and soon ended. It resulted in many deaths and plenty of injuries, the worst landed upon Levi Ackerman. Humanity's strongest soldier was nearly killed, but he wasn't given that title for nothing. He was still living today, though missing a few fingers, a working eye, and finally his permanently damaged leg. It wasn't too much of a problem, as there were no longer any titans to fight. Though, it was somewhat, shameful in his eyes. That after everything, a busted leg is what holds him down. He wasn't even elderly, and yet he needed constant help. He grateful for the help however, though he wished he didn't have to burden people with his problem so much.

But, it wasn't a burden or a problem to her.

She was there by his side for as long as he can remember. She fought by his side during expeditions, comforted him during his low points, and even risked her life over and over to keep him safe and alive. He can't say he's never done the same for her. Maybe it was her constant attention and care, that made him fall in love with her. At the time, it was horrible. He fell in love with someone he could so easily loose, but now in a world free of titans, he could love her as much as he wanted. And the same goes for her. They both confessed their love for each other shortly before the rumbling began, then he proposed to her after everything settled.

And so, here they were, in their own little cabin next to a beautiful lake, surrounded by tall pine trees. They both were outside today, rested on the bench that sat right before the lake. Hand in hand, her head leaning on his shoulder. Their gentle breaths in sync with one another. The calmness of the quiet air, aided to their ease. For once in their lives, they felt no need for worry or panic, or when the next attack from the titans would be. And they would never need for such worries again.

Her eyes slowly opened, she smiled as the first thing she saw, was her soon to be husband. Even with the scars, he was still as handsome as ever. Though, his eyes were distant and somewhat empty. Why? "Levi?" She spoke softly. "Are you ok?" Levi finally blinked, sighing softly he looked down at you. "I'm fine. Why do you ask?" She sits up to meet his gaze. "You seem, a little distant. Are you tired?" Levi shakes his head before placing his hand on his scar. "Just thinking." He muttered. Was that what this was about? This would happen every now and then, Levi would just stare at himself in the mirror. Well, less himself and more at his blinded eye, the two long scars that covered it. It started from the top of his eye down to his lip. He considered himself lucky, that explosion Zeke Yeager caused could have just killed him all together. But it only costed him an eye and a few fingers.

Still she wondered, did he hate how he looked now? He never commented on it before, so she just assumed he didn't care. But the way his overall expression would falter anytime he saw it, or tried to lifted his hand, or even when he tried to stand. "Levi? You know I didn't think less of you because of those scars." She placed her hand on top of his damaged one. "Or your hand. Or your leg. I still love you. I always have and I always will. This doesn't change a thing." Y/n say softly, trying to reassure him. "I...I know that Y/n. But....it's not that...not this time." Levi looks up at the sky. It was a soft orange, signifying the end of the day. "Every time I wake up, I wonder when it will happen." Y/n blinks a few times, not really understanding. "When what will happen?" She asks. "When they will come back. The titans. Before, at any moment, we could die at the hands of those giant bastards." Y/n would be lying if she said she hadn't felt the same at sometimes.

"But Levi, that was before. They're gone now. There are no more titans, we're safe." She explains to him.

"For how long?"

The panic in his voice was clear. Y/n took both of his hands and held them in her own. Her eyes full of sincerity as she spoke. "Levi, I know how you're feeling. But, you were there that day. We both were, the titans are gone. They died along with Eren." It still pained you to say it. Though in the end Eren was acting rash and out of hand, you still remembered him as the same young boy with hope in his heart that one day, the world would be a one without titans. It was a shame that he let it go to his head, and because of that, he was responsible for nearly exterminating all of humanity. Therefore, he had to face the consequences of his actions and pay the ultimate price. Poor kid...

"There are no trace of titans left. We're safe. You're safe. And you will never have to worry about stuff like that ever again." You bring his hands up and kiss them gently. Making sure he felt your love, even through his missing fingers. "And I won't ever leave your side. I'll always be here for you Levi. To care for you, to love you, for the rest of our lives."

A sudden wetness on your hands made you flinch. You look up to expecting to see rain, but instead, you saw Levi, crying. He sniffles a few times before leaning closer to you, until his head rested on your shoulder. You smiles and rub his back in a soothing manor. Through his sobs, you could make out a feint "thank you" from Levi.

You meant every word. You will always be there for him. And he in return would always be there for you. You two will always have each other, for the rest of your lives.

Another year has come to pass, Levi and Y/n had finally married, and proud to call themselves Mr and Mrs Ackerman. And Mrs Ackerman was expecting and due to deliver soon. There were congratulations given all around. From Armin, Jean, Connie, Annie, Reiner, even Falco and Gabi. Even Mikasa. It was a bit surprised that she came to visit. Mikasa had became distant ever since Eren died, she was the one that killed him after all. She had been by Eren side for many many years, and in the end, she was the one that put him to rest. It took quite a toll on her. But she was recovering, slowly but surely.

Y/n wished so desperately that Hanji and Erwin could have been here today. Though, she bet that Hanji would have been pretty sad without having anymore titans to experiment on. But deep down she knew, that they were still here, even if she couldn't see them. Levi knew it as well. They would both regularly visit their graves to pay respects and generally just talk about what's going on in their lives. Hanji would have been so thrilled to know that Levi and Y/n settled down to start a family. From the very beginning, Hanji had always hoped you two would get together. She even went as far as teasing her and Levi, which would normally result in a kick to the back from Levi. Not too hard though, he didn't want to break her spine. And Erwin, he would just be happy to see Levi happy with someone. And of course Levi's former squad would be happy that he was at peace with himself. They all would be so proud of him.

When it came time for Y/n to deliver, it was one of the most stressful and wonderful days of Levi's life. Fortunately, Y/n was just fine afterwards and gave birth to a healthy and beautiful little girl. She resembled Levi the most, with her black hair and her grey-blue eyes. She had some of Y/n's features as well, like her skin tone and her facial features.

"What should we name her?" Y/n spoke softly as she held her baby close. "We haven't came up with a name for her yet?" Levi mutters. They were spending more time preparing themselves for a new addition to their small family, that they hardly had time to think of one. Levi gently stroked his daughter's cheek, she gave a tiny smile in return before her face returned to a more sleepy one. It made Levi's heart race. This was his daughter, he made that! Well, really Y/n did, but it meant just as much to him. Never in his wildest dreams would he ever think that he would have children. Then again, he never thought he would meet someone like Y/n either. Levi's stone expression dropped, a smile of his own made it onto his face.

"Levi, I've actually had one in mind for a while. But, I wasn't sure if...you would be ok with it." Y/n spoke hesitantly. Levi held her hand, such a small gesture, made sure she knew she didn't have to keep anything from him. "I know how close you were to Farlan and Isabell." Levi's breathing halted for a second. "More specifically, how much Isabell looked up to you. I know she saw you as a brother, but...what I'm trying to say is, what if we named her, Isabell?" Y/n looked down at her baby, who was sleeping peacefully in her arms. It was true, Farlan and Isabell were like family to Levi, it was devastating the way they died. He wasn't there to help them, if he was, maybe they would be here today. He missed them dearly...

When Levi didn't respond, Y/n became worried. "I-I mean, we don't have to. I was just-"

"It's perfect." Levi cut her off. "Our little Isabell." He says with another warm smile. Y/n returned the smile before kissing her daughter's head. "Welcome to the world, Isabell." She whispers.

With this, Levi knew he was living for so much more. He had a woman who loved him with all her heart, despite how he looks now. And now, he had a child. Though this world was without titans, it doesn't mean there won't be another danger that was out there, just waiting to snatch his happiness away from him. But Levi wouldn't let it. Levi swore this very day, to protect his wife and daughter with everything he had. Despite injury, despite age, he would never let anything or anyone harm his family. Because for now on, it will be only them, together.

For the rest of their lives.

THE END

(This was not stolen! This story was reposted from my Wattpad account!)

[retvenkos]

No, I am not done talking about aging up the characters of the Grishaverse, thank you very much...

(Spoilers for pretty much all of the Grishaverse!)

I’m going to come right out and say it - I don’t think aging up all of the characters was the smartest move. I think the Grishaverse is compelling, and the characters can be very complex, and part of that leans on the ages of the characters. I’m going to be talking about why I think (at least some) of the characters should have retained their same age, or at the very least, shouldn’t have been quite so aged up.

But first, I understand some reasons as to why they aged up characters, so I’m going to state them outright, to advocate on their behalf (but also, I can try my hand at debunking some of these. For funsies):

1. Mass audiences will be less interested if the main story feels too Y.A. - most adult audiences won’t want to watch that genre.

(This is a very fair argument! However, when comparing Shadow and Bone to other popular (non Y.A.) fantasies, Shadow and Bone is very Y.A. Compare Game of Thrones or Lord of the Rings to Shadow and Bone, and you can see how the Y.A. genre permeates the text. There are character moments and story beats that Shadow and Bone utilizes that are characteristic of the Y.A. genre. It was created with that audience and expectation in mind. No matter how hard the show tries to divorce the source material from it’s Y.A. roots, it is still very much a Y.A. story. The second most important plot line is a romance and not the implications of how society created the Darkling and how society Must Be Fixed if we ever want to move on and win the war. Those problems of the wider Grishaverse are better tackled in the Nikolai Duology (which still stumbles), and the Nikolai Duology feels like a different story/genre because it’s tackling something different. Shadow and Bone is an inherently Y.A. story, and really, it is the later books in the Grishaverse that deviate from the tropes and traps of the genre.  No matter how you dice it, the original trilogy is very much a Y.A. story. Lean into it, and you might be better able to mess around with the fluidity of the genre, all while your audience knows what the story is, and what will come of it. Alternatively, the writers could have gotten deep into the text and tried to bring up the deeper problems of the story (most of those grey areas) to make it less trope-like, but that would require an almost complete retelling, which we did not get. Too often, Y.A. stories are divorced from the genre when they are adapted, but it’s not done in an organic way that looks at the text itself, and it feels very off when viewing. Just let Shadow and Bone be what it is. If you want a longer rant on this, hmu.)

2. Some very serious things happen to these characters! To write about it is one thing, but to watch a 17 year old Alina be manipulated in this way or to watch a 19 year old Genya be used in this way is dark and very much Not Okay!

(Yes! Watching all of the terrible, terrible things happen is bad enough on it’s own, and when you de-age Alina from 25 to 17 and Genya from 30 to 19, there are some very big consequences! It’s not nearly as inviting or Okay to view! Anyone would be rightly horrified! Especially older audiences! Well, forgive me for being so blunt, but that is part of The Point. Part of what makes all of this so cruel and so unfair is that these characters are young - they are barely no longer children - and that is what heightens the injustice of it all. Alina is a teenager who is tasked with saving the world and freeing an oppressed people! And she doesn’t want to do it! That’s a lot to handle, right? Arguably, by keeping their young ages, you are better breaking out of the Y.A. adaptation trap because you are making a statement about how young these characters are and how unfair all of this is. Y.A. adaptations always age up the characters for palatability, but by keeping them young, you are making it more grungy and more frightening without even changing the source material!)

3. Okay, but adult audiences don’t want to ship teenagers. How will we get them to watch?

(This argument is probably the most sound, and it makes the most sense! Netflix wants to get the widest audience they can - they know teenagers who read the book are going to watch it anyway, so they need to get the older crowd invested. An easy way to get people invested is to get them hooked on a romance plotline. Then you have to watch the show to see how it progresses! It would be hard to do that if adults feel uncomfortable telling 16 year olds to kiss already. Another problem is that Shadow and Bone doesn’t have an adult cast - they have the young ones and that’s about it. Compare that to Game of Thrones (or, if you want me to stop with GOT references, shows like Cobra Kai) where there are 2+ generations - fans have the older group to ship, and the younger group to wish the best for. This is a trap of the Y.A. genre. They are Kids, but they are Not. In the book, this works fine, as their ages aren’t mentioned often. In fact, in the books, they read like competent 25 year olds, except for key moments when they show their age, which usually feels bittersweet (the Six of Crows Duology is much better at this than Shadow and Bone, but I digress). So what do we do? Well, D*rklina fans aren’t going to like this, but I would argue that we keep Alina and Mal aged down, and the story subliminally changes from “the love triangle” to “coming of age while dealing with abusive relationships”. In fact, this is another great way to divorce it from the Y.A. genre, which was already a goal we had in mind.)

✧ *:･ﾟ

Now, let’s move onto character analyses... everyone’s favorite.

In this section, I’m going to break down some main characters from the Shadow and Bone Netflix show (and some upcoming characters, just for the hell of it) and I’m going to advocate for changing their ages. At the end, I’ll give you a rough ballpark estimate for what I think they should have been.

(Also, I just want to address that I loved the actors chosen for the Netflix show, and this is in no way an attack on them. They did great, and they’re performances were amazing. This is me talking about an issue the showrunners made, not the actors.)

Alina Starkov

First, we get to talk about the lovely Alina Starkov. Jessie Mei Li is 25 years old. Her book counterpart is 17. That’s a whopping 8 year difference where a lot of growth happens. Alina Starkov in the books is doing her best for a girl who is told that she is going to save the world. She doesn’t have a lot of experience outside of the orphanage and the army, and so her knowledge of how Grisha are treated is ignorant at best, and malicious at worst. She doesn’t see nearly all of the suffering that is happening in the world, and for the most part, it stays that way. She knows the Fjerdans don’t like them, she knows the Shu are bad too, but she doesn’t really know the extent. She really gets a good look at it in the 3rd book, but for a large part of the series, Alina doesn’t really know what she’s up against, and her age is an easy explanation for her ignorance. A 17 year old growing up in a remote orphanage hasn’t had the greatest education. A 25 year old Alina has less excuses.

(There’s also a lot to be said about how Alina mostly... doesn’t care about the wider issues plaguing Grisha. This is decidedly Bad. I’m going to say this once, and I will say it many times again, but generally, audiences are more okay when a younger character does Bad Things because they reason they’ll learn in time. Thus, for a show, it’s strategically better to make these characters younger. Saying this doesn’t mean I support Alina’s disregard, it just means I recognize how it is utilized in storytelling.)

But why is her ignorance important, you ask? Because, Alina misses a key point of why the Darkling does what he does. To her, his actions of expanding the Fold are very black and white. Even when she’s with him, she refuses to see how it’s justified. Thus, a younger Alina is a little more understandable.

If Netflix was planning on focusing on how the Darklings desires are good but his methods are wrong, keeping Alina aged up is fine because she could be the voice of those concerns. However, I don’t really see that happening, so aging her up seems cheap.

Furthermore, part of the injustice of Alina’s character is that she is a child tasked with saving the world. She is a teenager who is being worshipped as a Saint, and who is going to have to martyr herself for the good of the world. It’s unfair. It’s cruel. Alina being 25 doesn’t somehow change this injustice, but to the average viewer, seeing a 17 year old child dying for the good of Ravka - dying because she’s the only one who can stop the villain - is more emotional and more disturbing.  There’s your grit, Netflix. It was already handed to you.

And I know, Ben Barnes (who plays the Darkling) is 39! It would be extremely uncomfortable to watch him fall in love and manipulate Alina! Again, I’m apologizing to the D*rklina shippers, because that is The Point. The Darkling is hundreds (perhaps thousands) of years old. That is why his talk of “eternity” is so compelling. He has felt it. He has lived it. When he tells Alina that he will break her, it should be greatly disturbing!  It would change the feeling of the story completely if Alina looks like a teenager. It would be a story about survival - not of romance. And while survival is definitely a Y.A. dystopian or fantasy trope, depending on how it’s handled, it could be markedly different from its predecessors.

However, book Alina is a minor, and that doesn’t sit right with me. Thus, I would make Alina 18, or 19 at the most. She should still very much be a teenager.

Malyen Oretsev

Mal is the next character we get to talk about, and I’m sure you have an idea about what I’m going to say. Archie Renaux is 23 and his book counterpart is 18. That’s only a five year difference, which isn’t that damning, but still leaves some problems.

One thing a lot of people disliked about Mal in the books was his temper and the way he expressed his frustrations. Now, while it’s true that viewers tend to be more forgiving with male characters having bad attitudes, this attitude problem could still be something that viewers will dislike in later seasons. This problem is only larger when you factor in an older age. Already, I expect people to complain about Mal’s temper and his inability to vent his frustrations in a healthy way (avoiding talking to Alina, blowing up, having a sour mood, having violent or explosive tendencies). This is only going to get worse when another argument added is “he is a grown man. He should have learned how to cope by now.” This argument isn’t completely nullified by a younger age, but it is made a little more understandable to the audience. (Again, in no way am I justifying these unhealthy behaviors, nor am I saying it’s okay when younger men do it, I’m just saying that viewers on a whole are more likely to excuse this behavior from a younger man - a sad reality, but a reality nonetheless.)

And as for his tracking ability, which is the best out of everyone in the world, he is gifted primarily because he’s an amplifier. At the end of Ruin and Rising, it’s noted that he can’t track nearly as well as he could because the world doesn’t hum with life in the way it used to. The in-world explanation probably also explains the ease with which he can pick up new skills. Thus, Mal doesn’t need to be aged up for skill reasons.

So, I would make Mal 19-21 in the series. He can be the slightly older than Alina, and everything works out how it should.

The Darkling

This one is going to be really quick - I think the age they made the Darkling was fine. Ben Barnes is 39 and we really don’t get an answer as to how old the Darkling is in the book (although he’s older than 400 years old, because the Fold was created 400 years ago). 

It’s worth noting that in the books, the Darkling isn’t described as being much older than (a 17 year old) Alina, but having him be markedly older than Alina was a smart move for subtext, but also for the presence that the Darkling has, and the reverence with which people regard him. The Darkling has power - I can’t imagine a 17 year old boy having the same effect as a grown man.

I have no beef with a 39 year old Darkling. I wouldn’t age him down much more, but I also wouldn’t make him much older, either.

Genya Safin

Genya Safin is another character I feel like should be addressed. Daisy Head is 30 years old. In the books, Genya is 19. Now, Genya’s character is an interesting one, because arguably either age suits her character. Throughout the series she’s shown to be more mature and capable than Alina, and while she places importance on the cliques of the Little Palace (which was poorly shown in the show, imo), she was raised in this environment from very young, and she’s at the bottom of the ranking. Her investment in it is justified. Sadly, I think more viewers would be moved by her story of sexual abuse if she were younger, but what happened is a tragedy and it was wrong no matter how you dice it.

Her age is one of the few I’m neutral on.

However, she and Alina are shown to be very close in the book, and while that doesn’t carry over as easily in the show, I think it would be nice to place her at least a little closer in age to Alina, but still keep her a little older so that she can offer her advice and it doesn’t feel preachy or unearned.

I would place her around 19-26. She has a lot of room for her age, because it’s not vital that she be any specific age. 

David Kostyk

I’m very briefly talking about David because Luke Pasqualino is 31 and David in the books is 19-20. I aged down Genya, and since they are love interests, I would like them to be in a little closer range of each other.

However, David is a very gifted Fabrikator - so much so that he changes the war considerably in later books - so I still want him to be older than the average cast.

I would place him around 24-29, and mostly, it would be based around the age of Genya. I wouldn’t want him to be 29 if Genya is 19. That’s just the ballpark range.

Zoya Nazyalensky

The final Shadow and Bone character I’m going to talk about is Zoya because she’s really important later in the Grishaverse. Online, I could not determine exactly what Sujaya Dasgupta’s age is, but the two ages most commonly given are 19 or 21. Zoya in the books is 19-20, so Sujaya is one of the most faithful castings in terms of age. 

I think it’s important that Zoya is around the age of Alina. Not only do they have a shared love interest in the form of Nikolai (and the Darkling in the show, which I absolutely hate), but they also have a rivalry for the Darkling’s favor (which isn’t romantic, but about sTATUS), and having her be markedly older than a teenage Alina would be weird, in my opinion.

Furthermore, Zoya’s character is pretty closed off and (dare I say) one-dimensional in the original Shadow and Bone trilogy, so keeping her younger isn’t going to make her any less believable. She’s not particularly wise, so keeping her young won’t be an issue.

Finally, she has a romantic plotline with Mal (even if it doesn’t go anywhere), so we want to keep her within range of Mal’s age, too.

I would place Zoya at 19-22. Thus, I am in agreement with the showrunners!

Nikolai Lantsov

A character that has yet to make an appearance in the show is Nikolai Lantsov, who is stated as being 20-21 in Siege and Storm, and the rest of the Shadow and Bone trilogy. Nikolai hasn’t been casted yet, but I decided to put him here because why not?

Nikolai, interestingly enough, is a character I would like to age up, however, only slightly. Nikolai is a very accomplished character, as anyone who has read the series knows, and while he does have the grooming to be that smart and accomplished, he is able to outsmart the Darkling and other older characters on multiple occasions, and him being so young just seems off. Of course, I understand why he is young - his love interests are, and he certainly has his moments where he’s boyish and unprepared - but these reasons pale in comparison to all of his talents and accomplishments.

Taking all of this into consideration, I would put Nikolai at 23 or 24. It’s a minor age change, and it would really just make him more apt to grow into his role. He’s still young enough to where people can underestimate him, but he’s old enough to justify having such smarts and charm. The only argument I can see going against this is his love story with Alina, seeing as she’s 18/19, but I think there was a lot that went into his pursuit of Alina. At first it was political, but after that, it became about how Alina was someone who challenged him and knew him for all that he was. It was less of a romance and more of a friendship that lended itself to a nice opportunity. It could have been more. It wasn’t. Plus, the age gap isn’t egregious.

Tamar Kir-Bataar and Tolya Yul-Bataar

I’m briefly talking about these twins, because they are originally 18-19 in the Shadow and Bone Trilogy, and I would like them to be older overall. Tamar and Tolya are some of the most competent characters in the Grishaverse, and having them be the same age as Mal and Alina is off, in my mind.

I would like them to be at least Nikolai’s age or older, so 23-27.

✧ *:･ﾟ

Finally, we’re on to the crows....

Kaz Brekker

Ah, yes. The Bastard of the Barrel. His is a character I was actually really glad to see aged up, before watching the show. Afterwards, I have some more complex thoughts. Freddy Carter is 28 years old and Kaz, in the books, is 17. 

Kaz in the books is very competent. So much so that he outsmarts everyone he comes up against - characters who are older than him and often have military strategy. Furthermore, he is ruthless. He is probably one of the darkest characters in all of the Grishaverse, and all of that is placed on the shoulders of a 17 year old. To make a comparison, he and Alina are the same age when their stories take place (Shadow and Bone for Alina, and Six of Crows for Kaz). I don’t know a lot of young celebrities to make the comparison, but he’s a teenager. He’s a child. Aging up Kaz in the show was something I was very much on board for. Kaz is a ruthless killer and an expert thief, and making him older was a smart move, imo. A Kaz in his 20′s made more sense.

However, when we meet Kaz in season one of Shadow and Bone, he’s very much in his fledgling state. Not a single plan of his goes as planned. He is foiled at every step, and the most gruesome thing he did in the show wasn’t bad, when you compare it to thing Kaz has canonically done. Rumors say that the Six of Crows arc is going to pick up in season two, and while I hope it doesn’t, I covered that particular argument far more in depth in another post and won’t address it here. Whether or not I think show Kaz is up to snuff, I think they aged him up too much and they depowered him too much.

Part of Kaz’ secret weapon was that he was wicked smart and crazy competent, but people underestimated him because of his age. They figured he didn’t have nearly enough experience to be as ruthless and cunning as he was. They were clearly wrong.

I think that Kaz in his 20′s makes sense, but Kaz in his late 20′s does not. Especially when you factor in the fact that he was so epically unsuccessful in the show, the extent to which they made him older wasn’t doing him any favors. It made him less “Dirtyhands” than he is.

So, final say, I would have made Kaz 20 or 21 in Shadow and Bone. We’re de-aging him so he still has time to grow, but he’s not crazy overpowered at 17. Furthermore, in a perfect world, he has time to age between Shadow and Bone and the events of Six of Crows.

Inej Ghafa

Inej is played by Amita Suman who is 23 years old. In the books, Inej is 16. In an interesting turn of events, I don’t find Inej in the books to be terribly overpowered so much as she is just really talented. 

Inej in Six of Crows is hesitant to kill. She’s smart and watchful, and she’s a really great spider. She’s given backstory to explain all of this, and it makes sense. At most, she is mature for her age, but that is also given a pretty damn good reason. She has to be. 

The few reasons I could see as to aging up her character is to make it less awkward for the romance between her and Kaz, as well as make the crows group more cohesive in age, with fewer outliers, both of which I am not against. 

I would make Inej around 18 or 19 and call it a day.

Jesper Fahey

Jesper is another character that I largely have no problems with. Jesper is played by Kit Young who is 26 years old, and in the books, Jesper is 17. 

In the books, Jesper is an extremely talented marksman, but part of that (even if he doesn’t know it or doesn’t want to acknowledge it in the books) is because he is a Grisha Fabrikator and he is using his gifts to bend the bullets he shoots and aims them where they need to go. His character wasn’t particularly overpowered in the books, and as for his personality, in the books he acted the most “teenage-like,” but in the show, he retained his same youthfulness without it seeming out of place, so that isn’t particularly damning.

For Jesper, I don’t mind aging him up or making him younger. Both work. 

However, he has a romantic plotline with Wylan (who I will get to eventually), so we wan’t to keep that in mind.

Final say, I would make Jesper 18. He’s the same age as (or slightly younger than) Inej, and that sits well with me.

Matthias Helvar

Oh, boy. If you’ve been on my blog long, you know this is the character that started this whole rant. Because here’s the thing: Matthias is an incredibly complex character. And part of that complexity comes from the fact that Matthias doesn’t know about anything beyond what Fjerda has taught him. He is heavily indoctrinated and heavily ignorant, and his struggle is what makes him such an interesting character.

Matthias is played by Calahan Skogman who is 28 (in my other meta, he was 27, but birthdays, y’know?). In the books, Matthias is 18 when Six of Crows takes place. That’s a whopping 10 year age gap. As you can imagine, so much happens in 10 years time. Now, with Matthias, we’re going to look at his life a little more in depth so that you can really understand how this 10 year gap affects his ignorance.

Matthias’ family were killed by Grisha when he was a child. We don’t know how young, but that doesn’t really matter, because either way it’s traumatic. Soon afterward, he starts training to become a soldier. Now, just when drüskelle are allowed to be fully initiated at Hringkälla is unknown, but I’m guessing the age would be at youngest, 14 (although, it’s probably closer to 16, but I’m not arguing about that right now). Grisha are supposed to be the most dangerous type of person. The Fjerdans are not going to put 12 year olds out there to fight them. So, a roughly 14 year old Matthias is going on expeditions to catch Grisha. When he is 17, Matthias meets Nina. At this point, he has only been a full drüskelle for 3-ish years. Regardless of how many Grisha Matthias has captured, 3 years is a vast difference from his show counterpart, who is 28 and therefore (as a drüskelle since he was 14) has been capturing Grisha for 14 years. In fact, in the show, they give Matthias props for having been the one with the clever ideas for capturing Nina, which shows he has done this often.  After that, Matthias spends one year in Hellgate, making in 18 in the books and (eventually) 29 in the show.

So, why was it so important that I detail that for you? Matthias’ change of heart is prompted by Nina, a pretty Grisha. I’m not saying their bond is shallow, but if you are a man who has a nasty past with Grisha and has been hunting them for 14 years, having a pretty Grisha change your mind is a little shallow and a little unbelievable. Even though Nina saved his life, I think it’s a little hard to sell the substantial change of heart he has. On the other hand, if Matthias is 18-19, he’s still a hormonal teenager, and his feelings for Nina prompting some critical thinking makes more sense. Furthermore, Matthias is younger and more impressionable. It would be much easier to change his worldview, if he were younger.

All in all, I would de age Matthias to be 19-20. Slightly older than in the books to allow for Nina to be a little older than her book counterpart (which I’m about to get to.) 

Nina Zenik

Almost finished with my rant, we’re talking about Nina. Nina is played by Danielle Galligan who is 28 years old, and in the books, Nina is 17. 

Now, Nina Zenik is a capable character. She is a spy. She speaks multiple languages, she’s a talented Grisha, and she’s quite self-assured. All of that advocates for an older Nina, so that she may have time to hone these impressive skills. Furthermore, Nina is the most sexualized of the Crows. I wouldn’t mind her being older, and I’m sure general audiences would be in favor of her not being a teenager.

Nina is also a soldier and she has a very complex storyline in Six of Crows, and later. By all accounts, aging her up is not a bad idea. In fact, I quite like the idea that Nina is older. I agree that she should be aged up, just not to the extent she was.

If this were my world, I would make Nina 20-22. That would make her the oldest out of all of the crows, and I quite like that.

Wylan Van Eck

Wylan has yet to be casted, but he is 16 in the books, and pretty damn smart. He’s not street smart, mind you, but he’s a chemistry nerd and demolitionist, so he’s very competent. He’s still under his father’s thumb, but I don’t take that to mean he has to be young - abuse can affect you well into your life. He’s definitely a character more naive to the realities of the Barrel, but that can easily be played off as “the rich boy is out of depth.”

There’s nothing that explicitly needs him to be younger than an adult, although the argument for making him young amongst the crows is strong and still stands.

He has a love story with Jesper, so we want to keep in mind the fact that Jesper is an adult.

Wylan also has the tricky little storyline of him being tailored into being Kuwei, so in determining his age, we want to keep him in the ballpark of Kuwei. Luckily, he was tailored from a Grisha on parem, so truly, anything is possible.

For his smarts, his competence, and his love story, I think we should age him up.

All in all, I would make Wylan 18. It’s not far from his book counterpart, and I think it makes sense.

Kuwei Yul-Bo

Kuwei is another character who was yet to be casted. He is 16 in Six of Crows, and I would say he is the character who most shows his age. Kuwei may be wicked smart, but he’s a chaos gremlin who doodles in his notebook, pretends to not understand Kerch, and also renames himself to be nhaban - “rising phoenix” in Shu. He doesn’t scheme the way the rest of the crows do, and while this can be explained away by the fact that he’s not a criminal, there still seems to be something hopeful and youthful about his character.

He’s still a boy in mourning over the death of his father, and he’s currently one of the world’s most wanted. In Crooked Kingdom, he’s vibing in a tomb for the majority of the book. Kuwei is honestly such a fun character that I hope gets more complexity in coming Grishaverse content.

Kuwei is very similar to Wylan in that he’s wicked smart (although his dad is a scientist and they have worked together, so there is some in-world explanation) and he has a crush on Jesper (don’t we all?).

Taking this into account, I would make Kuwei 17 or 18.

✧ *:･ﾟ

TL;DR, the characters of the Grishaverse were aged up and I’m a little miffed about it. The reasons for aging them up are to detract from the source material being a Y.A. story, but you cannot separate a story from it’s genre. The story is inherently Y.A. because it uses story beats that are typical of a Y.A. story. It’s not just viewer expectation - the story is Y.A. The ages of the characters in the books are very young in some cases, but in the show they were aged up too much, imo. It detracts from the tragedy of them being young and forced to survive, and it adds very little in most cases.

✧ *:･ﾟ tagging @missumaru

[stina-is-a-punk-rocker]

jacqueline wilson’s ‘love lessons’

tw: abuse, pedophilia, characters making Bad Decisions, long unnecessary spiel about my childhood like I’m running a recipe blog

It’s funny how loads of the authors who helped shaped me into the vaguely humanoid being I am today have names beginning with the letter ‘J’; Judy Blume, Jeff Kinney, John Green, J.K. Rowling (yikes, I know) … and Jacqueline Wilson.

I’ve never owned a Jacqueline Wilson book of my own; they were always borrowed from a friend, or from a friend of a friend, or from a friend of a cousin- you get the gist. Her books, for me, come with an entire aesthetic: something reminiscent of yard sales, and reading under the covers with a flashlight, and being lulled into a false sense of security by the deceptively innocent Nick Sharratt illustration on the cover until someone’s best friend gets mowed over.

So I knew what I was getting into when I picked up Love Lessons. I knew this was going to be Fucked Up; and boy, was I right.

(Here’s the part where I warn you about spoilers.)

From an abusive dad to creepy child predator teachers to slut-shaming and victim blaming, this book has it all.

The main character is Prudence ‘Prue’ King, who is homeschooled at the beginning of the book, along with her sister, Grace. Their parents remain rooted in the early twentieth century, and are very strict about- well, everything. No TV, no computers, not a single mobile phone in the house; their clothing worse than the orphans’ from Annie; and their father remains distinctly distrustful of modern institutions like the school and the hospital; and so on, and so forth.

Daddy King suffers a stroke, and has to be taken to the hospital. Meanwhile, Mrs. King (a floppy, spineless woman who lives in fear and awe of her, frankly horrid, husband) sends the girls to school, behind the then invalid Mr. King’s back. Cue Prue and Grace being the freakshows of the school, with their strange clothing and overbearing mother.

Grace manages to make friends, but Prue remains alone. The kids are dicks, the teachers are dicks… well, all of them but one. And that’s the art teacher, Mr. Raxberry (I just couldn’t get over that name; it seems like something you’d name a mythical plant from Pixie Hollow or some shit. I’m assuming it isn’t an actual name, since the spelling & grammar check on my computer doesn’t seem to recognize it), or Rax, as he’s called.

Oh, yeah; Prudence’s favorite subject in school is art, and she’s a whiz at it. This is relevant, because reasons.

And here’s where stuff gets murky. Prue develops a crush on Rax- which is perfectly normal. I’m definitely no stranger to it; I’ve had crushes on my teachers, my mum admitted she used to think one of her professors was cute. And yeah, as I grew older, I grew out of those crushes and now have a markedly more refined taste in men (unless he’s 5’ 7’’, born in ’97 and named Bang Chan, I don’t want him); and my mum married my dad, so I’m assuming she did, too. Admittedly, now that my dad teaches at a university, it’s icky to think that there might be students who have crushes on him- but I digress.

My point is, loads of us have liked our teachers. But I doubt the majority of us have acted on it.

And Prue actively showing her interest in Rax isn’t the worst part. That’s a spot reserved for Rax reciprocating her feelings.

Guess Ezra Fitz and Ms. Grundy (yes, I watched Riverdale; please don’t cancel me) have a new addition to the Creep Club.

The age of consent in the UK is 16, if I’m not mistaken. Prue is 14. She’s just barely become a teenager, and she’s being preyed upon.

Because that is what Rax is. He’s a predator; he preys upon this vulnerable girl who’s never been in a relationship before- hell, she’s never even had friends- her father’s abusive, so she obviously doesn’t have the best experience when it comes to men- she’s unpopular at school, with the students and staff alike- and he lures her in. I don’t care how bloody nice he is to Sarah, or what a good dad he is (well, he’s really not, seeing as he cheated on the mother of his children WITH A BLOODY FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD CHILD)- the guy’s a fucking pedophile.

I was staunchly stuck at a yellow light with him; like, sure, maybe Prue thinks he’s flirting with her- maybe she’s looking at this all wrong, she doesn’t know how relationships work- see, he drew a picture of Sarah, too, in his secret notebook- Prue’s just reading into this too much- up until he says he loves her.

Dude. Humbert fucking Humbert. She’s fourteen, for Christ’s sake, and you’re married. You have two children. She’s a child. She’s probably closer to your son’s age than she is to yours.

(This is the part where I bury my head in my pillow. And scream. Extensively, and with passion.)

The book does make some genuinely good commentary on slut-shaming and victim blaming and abusive parenting. And on one hand, I can see why so many people find issue with the romanticization of the when I kissed the teacher trope- but I can defend it, too.

The book is in Prue’s perspective. She thinks she’s in love with Rax, so obviously, she’s not going to throw in some valuable moral at the end- because she’s too young and inexperienced to think otherwise. And sadly, there are loads of instances of child abuse that go unreported because the victims just don’t know better.

What I have issue with is how the school dealt with it, ultimately. Prudence, a child, has to deal with the consequences of the actions of a literal child predator. Sure, Rax ‘clears his name’ by cooking up some bullshit story about how it was only a crush and he didn’t encourage it, but you’d think other adults would know better and, oh, I dunno- dig deeper into it, instead of blaming it on a child?

“She says you told Mr. Raxberry you loved him and he held you in his arms and fondled you.”

Which Prudence denies, because, again, she doesn’t know better. She then goes on to say that they did nothing wrong. To which the adult speaking to her, in this case, the principal, Miss Wilmott, goes on to say:

“I’m not sure that’s entirely true… I feel that there are some aspects of your friendship that could be considered inappropriate.”

FYI, lady, he kissed her- multiple times (not that kissing her once makes him any more redeemable), and told her he loved her, and admitted to fantasizing about running away with her and leaving his family behind. Fun fact: do you know Prudence is underage?

You’d think that Miss Wilmott would maybe give this whole fiasco a favorable ending, but it turns out she listens to school gossip;

“I haven’t been at all happy with your attitude. You don’t seem to understand how to behave in school. I’ve heard tales of unsuitable underwear and then a silly romance with one of the boys in your class. I feel that in the space of a few short weeks you’ve made rather a bad name for yourself… I don’t know whether you intend to be deliberately insolent but you certainly come across as an unpleasantly opinionated and arrogant girl… I can’t help feeling that you’ll be much better off elsewhere. I shall try hard to engineer a suitable transfer to another school.”

And then she comes out with this gem:

“If you won’t leave, then I shall have to ensure that Mr. Raxberry finds another position.”

“No, you can’t do that! He’s a brilliant teacher.”

“You should have thought of that before you started acting in this ridiculous and precocious manner. If I were another kind of headteacher, I would have Mr. Raxberry instantly suspended. There could even be a court case. He would not only lose his job, he could find himself in very serious trouble. Did you ever stop to think about that?”

Girlboss, gaslight and gatekeep. The fucking trifecta.

Also, by ‘another kind of headteacher’, does she mean the kind of headteacher WHO DOESN’T LET CHILD PREDATORS ROAM FREELY WITHIN THEIR HALLS?

This bitch is out here blaming a child, a literal child, for the crimes of an adult man.

The only time Prue seems aware of the fact that Mr. Raxberry is actually a very shit person is her immediate thoughts that follow after she tells Miss Wilmott she’ll take the fall;

I so wanted to save darling Rax- and yet why hadn’t he wanted to save me? Had he told Miss Wilmott it was all my fault, that I’d got a ridiculous crush on him, that I’d made ludicrous advances to him? … I wanted to tell this horrible, patronizing woman how hungrily he’d kissed me, but I couldn’t do it. I loved him. I had to help him.

NO, SWEETHEART; YOU MOST DEFINITELY DO NOT.

And maybe I’m going overboard with all these excerpts, but here’s what Rax has to tell Prue, after school, following her expulsion:

“I let her think the worst of you, the best of me, just to save my skin. I said it was ridiculous talking about a love affair between us. I said you simply had a crush on me, and that I was just trying to be kind… You were brave enough to stand up to me and force me to acknowledge the truth… I love you… That’s why I had to take a risk and see you this one last time. I didn’t want you to think I didn’t care… Every night when I close my eyes, I’ll think of us together in this car and how badly I wanted to drive off with you. I’ll imagine us walking hand in hand at the water’s edge… I wish I wasn’t such a coward.”

(I burrow into the pillow further. I’m trying to suffocate myself.)

And that’s where I think Wilson went wrong. Sure, Prudence getting expelled for something that was completely out of her hands is unfair, and horrible, but it’s real. That shit can happen.

What’s bad is showing Rax in a positive light after all that. If only Wilson had written Rax to not be the Romeo he thinks he is. Make him ignore Prudence, throw her under the bus in front of her face, instead of this star-crossed lovers bullshit it’s made out to be. Show your younger audience that Rax is not a good man. I’ve got a little over two weeks left for my twentieth; I can see why this is unacceptable. But I was a little younger than Prue when I watched Pretty Little Liars, and my only gripe with Aria dating Ezra was that Noel Kahn was so much cuter.

It shows when you scroll down the Goodreads reviews; you’ve got adults giving it one or two stars, and teenagers giving it four or five, with their biggest complaints being, “but Toby was cuter!!!”

Other non-pedophilia related complaints regarding the book include: Prudence being unlikable- which I didn’t really notice, considering she reacted to some people way better than I would’ve, even at 19 (which probably says a lot more about me than it does about Prue, but oh well). Still, Prudence obviously isn’t the most prudent of people- and again, she’s fourteen. Look me in eye and tell me you weren’t an arsehole at that age (unless you’re fourteen now, in which case, I assure you that you’ll look back on yourself someday and go ‘wtf was I thinking’). Bringing up Toby’s dyslexia in an argument was low, though.

There were people who thought the Kings’ almost-Amish lifestyle was exaggerated and unrealistic, but I assure you, it may very well be real. There are 8 billion people on the world- it’s fair to assume that several of them are complete weirdos.

Grace was a sweet character, and I adored her with every fiber of my being. As were her friends Iggy and Figgy. Honestly, I would’ve loved a book about Iggy, Figgy and Piggy’s (mis)adventures too.

[consumeconstantly]

Bring Me To The Precipice of Victory

1| 2 | 3(you are here) | 4  | next

Summary: When Batman departs— just for a short time, just to patch things up in Gotham— things go horribly, horribly wrong in Paris.

He doesn’t know if he can come back from realizing that Marinette and Ladybug are one and the same (and that his daughter has died more times than he can count.) (all biodad bruce are posted in chronological order but can be read as stand alones)

______________________________________________

The moment of peace, of solidarity, that Batman shares with Ladybug up on that rooftop at night means the world.

After a minute or two, Ladybug pulls back, tear tracks down the sides of her face, eye and nose red. She takes another minute of silence,hugging herself in the muggy Parisian air. When she next opens her eyes, Batman can almost imagine that Ladybug never cried at all. 

But he knows that's not true. Ladybug seemed so fragile in his arms. He can imagine— he can imagine Dick in her place, broken over Jason’s death. Tim losing his parents. All of his children facing insurmountable odds with no team by their side. Alone. 

Ladybug is not alone, but functionally, she may as well be. He’s watched the fights. He’s analyzed them. Ladybug is always, always the leader. She strategizes with Ryuko and Viperion, but Ladybug is who everybody looks to for an answer when things don’t work out the way they want them to. She’s the one with the plan, the backup plan, the out. She’s the one who swoops in to save the day.

She’s also the one who has racked up the most hours on the battlefield. Even Chat Noir, her partner, only has three quarters of the hours that she’s put in. For most of the other members of her team, she puts in double, sometimes even triple of what they do. Over the course of six years, there have been a little under two thousand battles, lasting from under an hour to over five hours. Ladybug has shown up for every single one, without fail. That’s not even counting the patrols that they do; although Ladybug is given a lot of flack for not patrolling as often as Chat Noir, there’s a fundamental difference in how they patrol. Ladybug is methodical, Chat Noir is volatile. 

He’s not a bad superhero when it comes down to battle, but the two of them are fundamentally different. Ladybug sees her time as a superhero as a duty. Chat Noir seems to view it as a time to unwind— and while that’s worrying, considering the information he’s gathered on the Miraculous Team so far points to the majority of them beings teens or young adults— it’s not what is needed to deal with the Paris situation. 

Perhaps one of the easiest ways to see these differences is during patrol. Chat Noir uses patrol time almost seems to be an outlet for stress. He entices whoever he’s on patrol with to race to random places in Paris with no rhyme or reason. Whenever he comes across crime, he stops it, but Ladybug— Ladybug searches for crime.

Ladybug has a team and she trusts them with her life, but she cannot trust them to be responsible. That is perhaps the worst possible thing that can happen. And through the videos that he’s watched, it’s clear that the hours she puts in do affect her, and fairly heavily. 

Whoever she is, she’s young. Too young to be in battle untrained, because they are untrained— despite being in the field for years, all of their basic form lacks and tells anybody with an experienced eye that they’ve never had formal training in martial arts. 

When Batman and Ladybug leave the roof, they leave on a better note than where they started. Batman is still upset that Tom and Sabine are dead, but he cannot attribute it solely to Ladybug’s negligence. He admires the young heroine for rising to the occasion when there was nobody else to help. He has no doubt that with the resources and training that he can provide him and his operatives already on the case, Hawkmoth will be revealed in no time at all. 

He’s right, but in the worst possible way. 

It’s largely a mistake on hiss part-- he gets a notification that the Joker broke out of Arkham again, and Hawkmoth and Pavona are missing for the time being. Though Ladybug has made a mistake in not taking Pavona out immediately, she and her team have won every akuma and sentimonster battle. The logical course of action is to go where the most danger is. 

Bruce does not have any predictive powers. There is no way for him to know what’s going to happen. But when he and his team finally catch the Joker and put him away again-- a feat that takes just a little under twenty four hours, extreme concentration, and a good number of injuries-- Batman finally gets a chance to breathe. The adrenaline from facing off against the Joker’s latest scheme fades. Batman reclines in a chair as Alfred binds his  wounds and passes him pain relieving pills while he gets stitches in his abdomen. 

He checks the news in Paris. 

He almost drops the device that he’s using to view the news. 

Marinette’s existence has been hidden from his family. With Dick, he was more concerned about his existence as Robin, rather than informing him that he had a sister. As soon as he started contemplating bringing up Marinette, Batman and Robin had a bad break. Then Jason came along, troubled and angry. Bruce didn’t want to introduce Marinette into the mix then because he was volatile. 

Jason died due to Batman’s incompetence. Bruce grieved the loss of his ward; Batman was never allowed to mourn the loss of his second Robin.

Tim felt unworthy as the only child Bruce didn’t pick up off the streets, and Damian-- well, Damian was Damian. First he had a superiority complex the size of the Grand Canyon, and once he got accustomed to how they handled things in the Wayne Manor-- though Tim would argue that Damian is still not used to this kind of lifestyle-- he overcompensated every single mission and needed a remedial course on How to Interact With Other Humans 101. Add the overarching concern of Marinette being exposed to his vigilante life style and being unprepared for it, and he was never able to tell his children that he had another biological kid. A daughter.

When the news that Sabine and Tom died reached his ears, he told everybody he had business in Paris without elaborating what. With Wayne Enterprises opening a Paris branch of their R&D specialising in European artifacts, it was easy to draw connections that weren’t there.

“Bruce, you need to relax. Business in Paris can be dealt with later, you need to take the time to heal,” Tim says.

A clip in his shoulder from a bullet, knife wounds on his torso and legs, a sprained wrist. Whatever chemical experiment the Joker got his hands out still pumping through his veins. “I need to go-- it’s important--”

The pain relievers Alfred gave him earlier were also a sedative. 

Tim catches him before he passes out.

#

He wakes up three hours late through sheer force of will.

“Paris!” Bruce jolts upright, still in costume, lying prone on a medical cot in the Batcave.

The first thing that catches his eyes is the red and black flying across the screens.

Ladybug.

His kids are all watching the screens with abject horror. 

“Is this,” Tim wets his lips. “The business trip that you were on?”

Bruce drags himself out of bed, adrenaline washing out any residual pain. He doesn’t have the capacity to respond, he needs to get to the zeta tube, he needs to get to Paris, Ladybug is bleeding, the city is in shambles, and Marinette-- 

One of the news sites up on the screen declares the arrondissements that are obliterated. The one that houses Tom & Sabine’s Boulangerie is amongst their number. An approximate death toll fills the static.

-- Marinette is likely among those lost. He has lost another child due to his inaction. Due to his inability to push through, to look forwards and predict the future and the consequences of his actions. Marinette is another Jason, but if Ladybug doesn’t get it together, she’ll be gone permanently. And Ladybug is little more than a child. She can’t handle it, not by herself, not with her team. She needs an experienced hero, and Batman will be there for her, be the one leading the charge against Hawkmoth as the civilians hide in their homes and pray for her Miracle Cure to reverse the damage.

Dick places a hand on his shoulder. Bruce tries to shrug it off, but his fingers dig into the place where the bullet clipped his flesh. The pain is just a reminder that if he does not get to Paris now, there will be thousands-- no, millions-- more who feel this pain. How did Marinette die? Was it an akuma? Did the rubble of one of the destroyed buildings fall on her? Did Ladybug even try to protect her?

“I need to go,” Bruce growls.

“You can’t. While you were out, the majority of the Justice League prohibited all travel via zeta tubes. Nobody can get into Paris right now.”

Bruce knocks Dick’s hand off his shoulder and turns to his eldest. At the very least, Dick and the rest of his children look solemn. Damian’s gaze is fixed to one of the screens that shows Ladybug. “A city is in danger, millions of lives are at risk, Marinette--”

His daughter is dead. He can’t bring himself to say it out loud.

Standing by idly is the last thing he’ll let himself do.“Who put out the order? I’ll get them to reverse it.”

Dick moves so he’s between the zeta tube and Bruce. “B, you don’t understand. If you go to Paris right now, you’ll get akumatized.” 

“I can handle my emotions.”

Jason points at the upper right section of screens that’s replaying past footage. “I wouldn’t bet Paris’ survival on it. Not when more level headed superheroes got on the scene first and failed. They really don’t need any heavy hitters getting akumatized. Not when Superman put three members of their team out of commission.”

Superman arrived on the scene first; it took a matter of seconds for him to get akumatized. He was responsible for razing down three arrondissements in no time flat. Ladybug had to call for a Lucky Charm in order to get her hands on some kryptonite, which forced her to recoup after her time ran out. 

Black Canary arrived next. Then Red Tornado. 

Both were akumatized in mere minutes. 

“After Red Tornado got akumatized, Wonder Woman led the charge to put the rest of the zeta tubes on lockdown,” Duke says, grim. “All we can do now is hope that these Parisian superheroes can pull off a win.”

Bruce stumbles over to get a better view. He remembers Ladybug, small and slight in his arms. A child, crying over the loss of her pseudo parents. 

A warrior, bloody and bruised and broken.

She is one of the last ones standing.

King Monkey and an ox themed hero both died at Superman’s hands. The former got in the way of his laser beams, the latter a victim of super strength and getting thrown through two buildings and having their necks snap at an unsightly angle. Chat Noir was also sent hurtling through the air, and the only reason he was still alive was because Ladybug alighted from the sky and grabbed him before he got sent through a building in his unconscious state. Black Canary came shortly after, apparently informed of the Superman situation and carrying kryptonite. 

She didn’t last for long either. Almost immediately after helping Ladybug and Ryuko bind Superman in such a way that he couldn’t escape, 

Pegasus got hit by Black Canary’s sound waves and Chat Noir’s residual injuries from his fight with Superman forced him into a state of unconsciousness. Queen Bee and Carapace were able to pull off a win against Black Canary, but not without serious injuries. Ryuko faced off against Red Tornado alone, which normally would have been a thing of awe, but in the grander scheme of things, was a huge issue, as without her, the Miraculous Team functionally lost all of their heavy hitters. Rena Rouge and several Miraculous users that clearly had never been in battle before were the ones left to hold their own against the scores of akumatized Parisians.

The only ones left to hunt down Hawkmoth and Pavona were Ladybug and Viperion, and the former was already on her third use of Lucky Charm.

Ladybug pulls out her communicator, dodging an attack.

“Can we get sound on this?” Jason grips the closest table.

Dick shakes his head. “Zatara says there’s already enough interference just trying to get these images. And for some reason, Dr. Fate refuses to get involved with any of this.”

Bruce’s phone rings. He doesn’t pick it up on the first ring, too focused on the ongoing battles. He does take his phone out of his pocket to silence it the next time, but when he presses the sound off, an image comes through.

“Bruce.” Ladybug’s image comes through crystal clear, and it doesn’t make him feel any better. Ladybug, blood dripping from her mouth, costume torn open, hair burnt, wild eyed. 

He opens his mouth to speak, but the image goes blurry as she moves to avoid several attacks pointed towards her. 

“Before I go, I--”

“Watch out, LB!” Bruce lifts his eyes to the screen that displays Ladybug and Viperion in battle. The spotted heroine gets pushed out of the way of a laser, but the snake themed hero takes the hit.

The ambient noise coming from his phone is strong; he can hear blades clashing in the background as Chat Noir, already on his last legs attempts to hold off Darkblade. Screaming from civilians, a strangled sob from Ladybug. “Viperion.”

Ladybug comes back into view. Blue eyes filled with rage.

“If this doesn’t end in our favor, you need to make sure that Hawkmoth and Pavona do not acquire both the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous. Do whatever it takes to prevent that from happening.” She blinks, retreats into herself, and Bruce wonders if he’s seeing the girl behind the mask. 

“And If I don’t get to see you again--” If I’m dead, the words go unspoken, “I really did want the chance -- I-- you’re a good man. A good father. Your daughter-- she loves you. She really, really does. Stay safe.”

The transmission cuts off. On the screen in front of him, Ladybug closes her communicator, closes Viperion’s open eyes, and strides to the epicenter of the akumas. Blue fire flashes in her irises, and for a moment, she’s staring directly at the screen. And Bruce knows those eyes. He knows them. 

The next second, all of the computers simultaneously die.

Bruce is numb. No-- no.

He is nothing.

#

All his children-- no, not all his children, Marinette is missing, Marinette is Ladybug, and she’s out on a field that he can’t see grappling with magic forces strong enough to incapacitate Justice League members like their powers and abilities are inconsequential-- stare at him.

“That was… Ladybug?” Tim’s brow furrows. It’s clear that he’s thinking up a hundred different reasons why Ladybug and Batman are connected, why he’s the last person she calls before going into a battle that could very well cost her her life.

“My daughter.” The words are ash on his lips. An existence he’s never acknowledged. Not out loud. Saying it brings a sense of finality to the room. An impending death. “My daughter.”

Nobody asks how long he’s known or when he met her or why he’s never brought it up before. Everything is fuzzy. Floating. 

For a while, there’s silence. 

“Zatara says there’s too much interference to get the picture back up,” Dick opens his messages, frowning. 

Damian still stares at the screen Ladybug looked at directly, frozen.

Bruce picks himself up and moves. He may not be able to use the zeta tubes, but he has a private jet and a license, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t do something.

#

It takes two hours too long to get to Paris. He shaved five hours off the flight length due to superior technology, and another hour and a half off due to sheer force of will. 

The landing is not a pretty thing, but Paris is already in shambles, and there’s no way that the ATC will approve his landing, so Bruce picks out the flattest looking spot of rubble before his jet meets the ground.

According to Tim and Duke, who stayed behind in case this turned out to be an attack spanning multiple cities, the battle ended mere minutes before they landed. Dick manages to get Zatara to broadcast the image in the cockpit of the jet, and on the screen lay three prone bodies. Gabriel Agreste, whose body type fits that of Hawkmoth, Lila, and a third that Bruce does not recognize. 

A bone sticks out of Marinette’s arm, the connected hand crushed and hanging limp. The opposing ankle is twisted almost fully backwards. She is covered in blood and ash and filth. There is no victory in her eyes. Only weariness.

In her good hand, she holds her yoyo. 

She raises her eyes skywards-- the roof of the Agreste mansion is blown clean off-- blinks slowly, and throws the yoyo into the air. 

“Miraculous Cure,” her lips read.

The corpses in Paris rise from the dead. Rubble reforms into buildings. The ashy haze that covered the city disappears.

Ladybug looks like she wants to disappear, too.

She collapses, instead.

Nobody is there to catch her when she drops to the floor. 

@biodad-bruce-month

Maribat tag list(to be added onto this pls send me an ask/dm): @our-precipreciousss @my-dear-friend-anxiety

Who Are You (and what will you become) tag list (to be added here just comment): @anjuschiffer @theunquiet-dead @certainmuffinbagelcalzone @cresentmo0n @allulily @myazael @zalladane @rebecarojas07 @keepingupwiththemalfoys  @frieddonutsweets @all-mights-asscheeks @thornalchemist23 @trippingovermyfeet @jiso-lee @redscarlet95 @ira-sairain @screechingflapbiscuitpeach @ramos123 @cutechip @theunquiet-dead @sleep-deprived-aroace @enternalempires @lilkymilky @woe-is-me0 @officiallydarkgeek @miyla-lokidottir @queencommonsense @demonicbusiness 

mb for not doing tag list right away i forgot i had these cued up already

[casually-slips-into-coma]

An Essay (sort of) Explaining the Many Grievances I Have With Debbie Gallagher

Once again, Debbie is the fucking worst.

I’ve been wanting to write out my feelings towards her character for a fucking minute now just so that I have a full concise list. Now, I can talk about how Debbie has a constant need for attention, or how her character has become someone unrecognizable in the past few seasons, or how she’s a terrible mother, but what I really want to focus on is the center of my issues with her: her sexuality. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about to be a homophobic rant or anything. I just think her queer development has been written terribly and that should be addressed.

Too often I see people praising queer characters or relationships based solely on the fact that they are queer, and as a member of the community, I get it. I am also starved for representation. This, however, does not mean I’m going to settle for annoying, poorly written characters.

Why Make Debbie Queer?

The first thing I want to address is why suddenly develop a WLW storyline for her. Given that Debbie started as a little girl on the show, this gives the writers a lot of opportunity to give a character like that interesting storylines because she does not yet have a solid personality. It gives writers the liberty to take her story anywhere they want to without the constraints of established character because she, as a person, is still developing into adulthood. The show runners unfortunately dropped the ball with this.

From season 4 and onwards was when Debbie began showing interest in dating, sex, and romance having just turned the corner to puberty. From then up until season 9, she has shown exclusive interest in men. It isn’t until Alex the welder that Debbie deviates from this path. Alex is portrayed as a stud who confuses Debbie. I am inclined to believe that Debbie was originally attracted to her because she was masculine and therefore close enough to the people Debbie had previous experience with.

This arc was treated very much as Debbie experimenting with her sexuality, something that Alex also ends up realizing after Debbie tells her that having sex with a girl is “not that bad” and “like having sex with yourself” (S9E4). Once this storyline wrapped up (with Debbie shouting “you make me want cock again”) the writers powered through, adamant about Debbie now being a lesbian.

I have two theories as to why they’ve been fighting so hard for her queerness.

1) This was around the time that Cam was leaving Shameless. This obviously didn’t end up happening, but I was under the impression that the writers were freaking out at losing their token gay character and needed to fill that position. When Cam ended up staying, they were stuck with a queer Debbie storyline and decided to just go with it.

2) Shameless was planning on doing a WLW storyline regardless of Cam’s choice to leave and were originally going to give it to Fiona and her lesbian tenant that she had a close relationship and a lot of chemistry with, but Emmy Rossum wanted to move on from Shameless, and so they pivoted and gave the arc to Debbie, a character that was not supposed to be moved in that direction and so her new sexuality seemingly came out of nowhere. Fiona as a bisexual character would have made sense. Debbie still does not.

Shameless’s Awkward Relationship With Bisexuality

One of the biggest issues I have with Debbie is her insistence on being a lesbian. Lesbianism doesn’t come out of nowhere. Bisexuality, however, can. When you grow up being told that you are supposed to feel attraction to men, and you genuinely do feel attraction to men (which Debbie has expressed in past seasons/episodes) it’s easy to ignore your attraction to women and write it off as something that either isn’t a big deal, or something that isn’t there. It’s a lot more confusing than being strictly at one end of the spectrum. It would have been so much more believable if they had simply made Debbie bisexual. Unsurprisingly, they didn’t because the show has a history with bi erasure.

Bisexuality has been treated badly all throughout Shameless, used as a vengeful plot device back in the earlier seasons where Monica was only ever with women when unmedicated. Then in Season 7 when Ian’s boyfriend Caleb cheated on him with a woman (enforcing the stereotype of bisexuals being unfaithful) Ian, possibly acting out of anger or ignorance, said things like “only women are bisexual. When a man says he’s bisexual he’s really just gay”. The only semi positive bisexual representation on the show was Svetlana and Vee when they were in a poly relationship with Kev (though I also think that storyline wasn’t handled as well as it could’ve been).

This fight against the bisexual label in media is not a new one but it is also a harmful stance to take when writing a sexually fluid character. Debbie declaring that she is, in fact, a lesbian after waxing poetic about how Matty had a big dick and Derek had a great body and knew what he was doing is not the way to go. 

You could argue that Debbie, like many other queer women, is an unfortunate victim of compulsory heterosexuality, but frankly I don’t think the writers are well versed enough in queer theory for that to be a possibility.

Debbie as The White Feminist

Debbie is the pinnacle of white feminism. It’s an unfortunate thought that has occurred to me a few times throughout the show. She talks a big game as a man hater and someone after the equal treatment of women but she herself participates in a lot of problematic and anti feminist behavior.

For one, she r*ped Matty back in season 5 when he was blacked out and unconscious. This was a point in the story that was glossed over and one where she suffered no repercussions other than Matty no longer wanting to be around her. It was explained in the show that Debbie didn’t realize what she did was wrong until after she was explicitly told so because she was maybe 14 when it happened (not 100% on the age Shameless is very inconsistent about timelines). It was treated as somewhat of a punchline, something that Shameless has unfortunately done more than once when referring to male sexual assault (Mickey’s r*pe, Liam in season 10 ((i think??)) and in this latest season, Carl) but that is a different topic. 

There was also the time in which she lied to her boyfriend about being on birth control so she could trap him into a relationship with pregnancy (which also counts as r*pe!!) Good on Derek for getting out of that.

Debbie has also been pro-life in the past. Now I understand this was when Fiona was pressuring her into aborting her pregnancy, and as a pro choicer myself, I believe that Debbie was fully in her right to have bodily autonomy and go through with the pregnancy. This isn’t where the issue lies. It’s when Fiona finds out that she too is pregnant and tells Debbie that she wants an abortion that Debbie accuses her of “killing her baby”. Again, her behavior could be explained by her age given that Debbie was still a young teen during this time.

When her actions as a White Feminist become less excusable is mostly in the latest season. Her relationship with Sandy is one that I’m not really happy with because Debbie doesn’t deserve her.

Recently, it has been revealed that Sandy is actually married to a man and has a son. It’s explained that she was basically married off against her will at the age of 15 to a man twice her age. This implies that the product of the marriage, her son, was most likely conceived through dubious consent (or worse) at the hands of an adult when she was just a kid. Just because Debbie thinks that Sandy’s husband “seems nice” does not give her the right to try and make a victim of grooming feel bad about not wanting to be with her abuser. While I understand that Sandy’s son has no fault in how he came into the world, I’m still gonna side with Sandy when it comes to having to take care of a child she didn’t want and who is most likely a source of trauma for her. It’s not difficult to sympathize with Sandy and see that she’s clearly gone through something fucked up and Debbie, despite claiming to love and support her, AND despite her dumb white feminist arc about wanting equal pay and all that jazz, turns her back on the girls supporting girls aspect of feminism.

This isn’t even mentioning how shitty it was to just leave Franny by herself and assume that one of her siblings would take her to school and pick her up and stuff as if they don’t all have separate lives. She talks a lot about being a good mother but decided to “let off some steam” by fucking off to a gay bar to get loaded on coke and fuck a gay man (which wtf thats not a thing that really happens with casual coke but whatever I guess). Once she realized she fucked up, instead of taking responsibility she decided to paint herself as the victim as well as spew offensive bullshit about how she “probably has AIDS now” because of her sexual encounter with a gay man. No lesbian in their right fucking mind would ever say that because as members of the LGBTQ+ community, you are at least a tiny bit informed as to how devastating and tragic the AIDS crisis was for queer people.

(I also have an issue with how Debbie capitalized on her felony as a sex offender and her sexuality to start her Hot Lesbian Convict business but I think that’s enough said.)

Blame the writers

The show got almost an entirely new cast of writers after season 7 which is why the show feels more like a sitcom with low stakes and no consequences rather than a drama, but if there is a queer writer on the team it’s not very evident. Even the better half of the queer relationship story, Ian and Mickey, I don’t feel has really been done justice since the change in writers. It’s just become painfully obvious that the actress is a straight girl playing a gay character (not to mention I have never seen any chemistry between her and all of her female love interests). I don’t fault Emma Kenney (the actress) for this. I actually really like her as a person and I like the videos she makes about the cast and such, and I think she does her best with the script she’s given. My complaints with Debbie are targeted entirely towards the writers.

This brings me to my final point. I need them to let Debbie be alone. Her whole thing for the second half of the season has been that she clearly has abandonment issues and is afraid of being alone. It’s why she’s so adamant about keeping the house and fighting with Lip about it (I’m actually on Debbie’s side for that one but that’s besides the point). They had her and Sandy break up which leaves Debbie to spiral further into her loneliness. From a writing point of view, it makes sense to take this opportunity to give her an arc in which she can overcome that and feel comfortable with herself so that she can move on as an adult instead of jumping into a new relationship. This is especially true since this is quite literally the last season ever of the show and any character development needs to be wrapped up. Introducing a new character out of nowhere does not give the viewers enough time to actually get invested in the new relationship. It’s also unfair to Debbie’s character because her arc is going to feel incomplete.

Anyway,,,,,,uuuhhhhh,,,,,feel free to add on if u want lmao

[violet-t-9]

M9 favourite moments appreciation post (episode 129)

Putting my thoughts down right now since I can’t sleep... what an episode, whew. Honestly, the gentleman’s response to that message sums it up. These are some of my favourite moments (no particular order) from this wonderful episode.

Caduceus: absolute MVP, a beacon of hope in a battle of desperation, our favourite grave cleric really got to shine this episode in him saving everyone and in particular saving a life taken too soon. The mass cure wounds, the canceled nat 20, the spirit guardian that was steady but deadly and got a HDYWTDT... Cad really gave it his all this episode! I also liked the small moment of Caleb complimenting his idea (it WAS a good idea). Absolutely enjoyed all the beautiful moments with Luc and Cad being a great uncle (Cad is GREAT around kids probably from his experience with his siblings!), also Jester massaging him (Cad deserves the best massages after this episode, like oof). 

Jester: she has had a rough time, but she is trying her best as always! Trying to reassure Marion in a very stressful situation and trying to be strong for her was very much like Jester. As much as it led to some painful consequences, her imagining the future with Veth was actually very touching as she tried to make the best out of a horrible situation that was affecting them all by being her optimistic self and offering hope. I also loved her little moment of helping Caleb with the collar, offering him words of comfort and dissing Trent at the same time. The image of Jester jumping over lava, knowing she could fall at any second, wielding the hand-axe that she never used to protect her friends and family was very beautiful and brave.

Caleb: pushing Caduceus out of danger was his first reaction, standing tall and holding the staff as he was almost completely tapped to face his enemy and protect the people behind him. Caleb also remained calm in combat and used his remaining abilities to their absolute limit, damaging the enemy as much as possible while protecting Veth with his slow spell. Biting his tongue and listening fully to Marion was such a good character development moment for him, I was really really worried about him this episode but I’m very glad that he got to hear that (other party members probably needed it as well). Developing the collar after all that chaos fit his character so well and that grim “it will be soon”. Also, him stepping in front of Veth and taking the dodge action was very impactful. 

Fjord: not touching anything/get tempted in HFB when it mattered the most! Fjord was really mature and showed his development this episode. He knew what was at stake and used his leadership skills. Staying on task and knowing what’s important, being as fast as possible and not wasting time... all very great! Convincing Marion to let him lead her to face one of her worst fears! Fjord’s charming character traits really got to shine this episode. Also, him head-butting the magic thing (orb?) without casting the armour was hilarious (loved it).

Beau: doing awesome monk stuff as always (slow fall, evasion...) and being her best self. Although she had some bad luck, she kept trying again and again without giving up. That stunning strike was so vital in them escaping and Beau really got the chance to shine as one of their best fighters (like, admit it Beau, your empire sibling made the correct suggestion). She did pull on the book but hey, it could have been a very helpful book.

Yasha: when your common methods fail... KICK down the magically locked door! THAT WAS AWESOME. Yasha’s barbarian strength really helped them in there. Even being confused about the rooms she’d never been to, she was collected and helped the team as much as possible. Also, those rage moments with her holding the holy avenger pointing towards danger in anticipation were very nice. Yasha is becoming more and more amazing as a protector!

Veth: those critical hits in her fury against the enemy who harmed her son were epic. Her conversation with Yeza was really important and possibly a turning point for her character, and I’m glad they had that conversation. Her addressing calmly that she didn’t believe they could stop the city - that anyone could - but they had to try... She also tried so hard to eliminate the enemy but also get to her family. Also... yay for not using an AOE attack that would hurt ally within range? These recent episodes have got to be so hard on her, and I’m glad that Yeza was so supportive and that she got to have some nice family moments. 

Also just a big shout out to the NPCs as well: Luc for being himself (adorable), Yeza for being supportive and also communicating with Veth properly, thanking Caduceus. Marion for facing her fears in such a stressful situation and still being someone who offers wisdom and comfort to others and to her daughter. 

I just love all those characters, they have my whole heart.