#too autistic to understand the whiplash here

[dryingoutmymind]

I mean. Of course it’s going to be about the AIDS crisis- American Girl books have always been about the most pressing political and social issues for kids of the time period. This is a good thing that they wrote about it? There’s an advisor from the NIH who worked on it as well.

Hey, does anyone want to feel really old right about now?

[go-go-devil]

infodump to me about the lamb lies down on broadway so i have the intel for my next big listen of it!!!

Here I go!

So The Lamb is honestly a pretty insane album, not just for Genesis but classic prog rock as a whole. It's one of the most ambitious and creative concept albums I've ever listened to, but because of that it can be very alienating to some listeners due to how vague and overly poetic the lyrics can get (not quite Eraserhead levels of dream logic, but it gets close at times and most of us have very different takeaways from the story).

I think what makes this album so enjoyable and timeless for me is how unabashedly fearless it is in simply having fun telling its story. There's lots of dramatic and intense moments, but its also paced well with beautifully ethereal bits and even some silly moments. Every single song plays its part well and flows in perfectly with the next, no matter how much of a mood whiplash the lyrics or music can feel at times. Hell, one of the last lines in the album is "If you think that it's pretentious, you've been taken for a ride," and I just love that! It's the spirit of prog rock right there: go crazy and have and adventure, who cares what uppity critics think!

Besides that, it's also one of the most autistic albums ever made. Partually because I hc Rael as autistic due to the way he speaks and acts but also because the very nature of the album is like one big surrealist autism moment. Rael's constantly trapped in uncomfortable places that are too constricting or too crowded with people he can't understand and/or has trouble being around, and even has an anxiety attack at the end of "The Chamber of 32 Doors" due to being trapped in a room full of people who won't shut up. I felt all of that as a teen in high school, and I still feel it now T_T

Then of course there's my "controversial" interpretation of the album, at least I assume it is amongst many of the Lamb fans I've found on this site and irl, that this is one of the most delightfully sex-repulsed stories I've ever engaged with. Probably done by complete accident, but I don't care!

Just hear me out on this one. Sexual intercourse is NEVER shown favorably in this album; it's either not well executed/completely humiliating ("Counting Out Time") or overtly disturbing ("The Lamia" and definitely the album notes describing the Slippermen's fate in "The Colony of Slippermen"). The story ends with Rael sacrificing his penis to save both himself and his loved one, and that's a fucking insane thing to type down but I'm not exaggerating anything! That's just what The Lamb is like! Rael gains enlightenment by sacrificing a part of himself that never truly gave him anything fulfilling in his life.

One of the reasons I got into prog rock was because I'm sex repulsed and so many classic prog songs have nothing to do with sex or romantic relationships, and it's honestly so goddamn refreshing to find a piece of media that, for fucking ONCE, depicts sex as something as uncomfortable and unfulfilling as I've always known it to be. I felt seen by this story in a way most of my other favorite fiction could never achieve.

I'll never know what exactly Peter Gabriel was thinking when he wrote this story, and I certainly won't act like anyone's sex-positive interpretations of The Lamb aren't valid. But that's the beauty of it. It means different things to different people, but unites them all in a weird, rocking tale with some of the craziest imagery ever put to an album <3

[sux2be]

this is the first post but i dont have time to explain

its fucking awful to have eldest sibling parentified syndrome and to have moved out and started to blossom only to be forced to live with ur family again and then go on a mini healing journey when u find out ur autistic/adhd/both but feel SO FUCKING ISOLATED bc i cant tell my fucking parents, they wont believe me because all three of my younger siblings have been officially diagnosed with one or more of those things but i "pass" as ND and have been socialized as a girl so we have almost none of the same visible symptoms

like, i have friends and ive almost graduated college but they wont listen to how hard it was for me, how hard it still is, because life is sooo hard for them (spoiler alert: its bc ive tried too fucking hard and they havent tried hardly enough)

and im here!!!! living with them and struggling to understand how to proceed with living because i genuinely thought id be dead by now and getting fucking whiplashed by remembering all the childhood signs ive exhibited and nothing was ever done to help me but my brothers have had so much help and therapy and attention (when parental attention was available. which wasnt often)

and so badly do i want an official dx because no matter what i say, without one i will never be belived

[fuck-abled-people]

I've been feeling a little petty lately so here's the story of my ablest mother discovering she's disabled! This one's a little bit weird so bear with me here.

Over the past year I've been trying a lot harder to get actual help and diagnoses for a variety of disabilities I've dealt with basically my whole life. I have chronic pain and fatigue and deal with a variety of mental illnesses/neuro divergence but despite the tons of signs literally no one in my family seemed to notice.

And it was a huge struggle trying to get my parents to understand at first. My dad more often than not just couldn't get why "normal" tasks were so hard for me. But my mom and I got into it a lot once I started pushing more for accommodations. She kept getting pissed that I wouldn't just get over my roadblocks and then I'd get pissed that she was treating circumventing my disabilities like a chance to make them "go away".

Well lo and behold, after I started this whole thing of researching my symptoms, my younger sibling started doing it too. And once they started suspecting they were autistic, my mom started asking questions. And wouldn't you know it, guess who else in our family is most likely autistic and didn't know depression and anxiety disorders are in fact disabilities?

My mom!

Tbh, I'm not that mad at her anymore. I know she dealt with a lot of ableism growing up that made her think the way she did and that she really does try. Parents are people too and they're gonna make mistakes. It just gives me whiplash sometimes thinking about it. I had to fight tooth and nail to leave school when the stress was practically killing me only for her to put the pieces together like two years later.

We are making progress now though, and I'm doing a lot better! Simply very tired thinking about the roller coaster of the past couple years and wanted somewhere to complain.

Her internalized ableism might be a great explanation for the way that she's treated you, but it sure as hell ain't an excuse.

[iclaimedtobethebetterbard]

it was always you (falling for me) - chapter 2

Fandom: Sanders Sides Characters: All the sides Rating: Teen & up (for swearing) Relationships: Prinxiety, Moceit, and QPR Intrulogical (eventually this will develop into Intrulosleep!) Warnings: Language; Remus being Remus; Shakespeare fans will probably hate my interpretation(s) of the plays I reference here, if the English major friend I showed this to is anything to go by, and I’m very sorry about that 😂 Word Count: 9042

Read on AO3!

My writing masterpost

start - previous - here - next - masterpost

Summary: In a world where you and your soulmate swap dreams once a month, seven young adults enter the same college as freshmen. Each of them is wondering when they’ll find their soulmate and what that will mean for them.

Notes: Secret Santa gift for sanders-sides-fics!

Chapter 2

Roman had a problem. A person-shaped problem. Specifically, a problem shaped like his brother’s excessively pretty roommate, who seemed to take pleasure exclusively in needling Roman every chance they got.

Roman groaned, burying his face in one of the pillows on his bed.

“Hm?” his roommate, Patton, said sympathetically.

“I swear Virgil has, like, an agenda against soulmates, or something,” Roman said, rolling over and staring despairingly at the ceiling.

“Now, kiddo, I’m sure that’s not true.”

Roman lifted his head to look at Patton. “Aren’t I older than you?”

“Only by a few months,” Patton said serenely. “Spiritually, you’re my kiddo.”

“Pat, that makes no sense.”

Patton blinked up at him with a too-innocent face. “If it feels dad to you, just don’t think about it any father.”

“Oh my god.”

Patton giggled, a noise of pure delight, then circled back to Roman’s original topic. “What makes you think he’s got something against soulmates?”

“Uh, the way ze rails against them at every opportunity, for a start?” Roman sat up. “We have argued five times in the last two weeks about soulmates, and only three of them were even about Shakespeare like usual!”

“Haven’t you only known Virgil for, like, three weeks?”

“Well, yes, but that’s not the point.” Roman climbed down the ladder to the ground. “Also, I feel like that makes it worse?”

“Hmm, maybe.” Patton seemed amused. “You talk about them a lot, you know?”

“He’s so annoying!” Roman said defensively. “Ze gets this stupid smirk like ze knows something I don’t and he doesn’t even seem to care about constructing sound arguments half the time!” He put his laptop into his backpack.

“Going somewhere?” Patton asked.

“Yeah, Virgil and Remus invited me over to their dorm to study.”

“Oh,” Patton said, a funny sort of look on his face like he was trying not to laugh.

“What?” Roman asked.

“Nothing, nothing.” Patton waved him away, still smiling to himself. “Have fun studying with Virgil.”

“I will,” Roman said brightly, heading out the door.

***

“I want to go get ice cream,” Remus announced suddenly, hopping to his feet. “Who’s coming with?” It was late, almost midnight, and Roman was sitting on the floor in what had been a nice triangle with Remus and Virgil until Remus had stood. The three of them had been alternately working on homework and arguing about Disney characters.

“Sure,” Virgil said with a shrug, tugging their hoodie up onto their shoulders—they’d been wearing it dangling off their body, with only their wrists in the sleeves holding it on. “Let me fix my eyeliner first, though.”

Remus nodded distractedly, looking around the room and turning in a circle.

“Whatcha looking for?” Roman inquired, getting to his feet as well.

“My wallet,” Remus said, gaze still roving around. “I don’t know where I—”

“By your chapstick,” Roman said.

“Ah!” Remus dove under his desk, scrabbled on the floor, and emerged with his wallet clutched triumphantly in one hand and his chapstick in the other. “Thank you.”

“How the fuck did you know that?” Virgil asked, turning away from the mirror hung on the door with their eyeliner in their hand. They’d reapplied it to one eye, in a perfect, pointed wing; the other eye still had the only slightly less perfect, barely faded wing they’d been wearing this whole time. It matched their black lipstick and the carefully blended eyeshadow on their upper eyelids.

“He put it down there when he was telling the story about trying to collect dried gum off the street,” Roman explained. “And the chapstick was already there right next to it. So that’s how I remembered.”

Remus nodded. “I would have gotten there in a minute, probably,” he agreed.

“I still don’t understand how the fuck you knew that, but good for y’all, I guess,” Virgil said, turning back to the mirror.

“ADHD solidarity,” Roman explained.

Remus made finger guns at him, nodding. “ADHD solidarity,” he agreed.

Virgil paused halfway through drawing the other wing on. “Oh, that makes sense.” They picked up the line again, their hand perfectly steady, drawing it out to a fine point. “I thought you said you were autistic?” they added after a moment, their face holding perfectly still as they filled in the eyeliner with a practiced hand; their monolid eyelids allowed them to draw the wings of their eyeliner wide and dramatic.

“Yeah, I’m both. There are high rates of comorbidity, and also they’re both genetic, so neurodivergence runs in families,” Roman explained, the sentence rolling out of his mouth without him stumbling over the words once or having to think about it at all. “Did you know about ten percent of the population is probably ADHD?” he went on eagerly. “It’s super underdiagnosed. Especially because of race and gender biases in doctors who diagnose it, and the misconception that it’s only something children have. I only got diagnosed because Remus did when we were little, and we’re twins, so then they tested me too. Even though we aren’t identical. It’s super frequent for identical twins to both have ADHD if one of them has it, though.” Roman bounced on the balls of his feet, tapping the tip of his finger against his thumb. “I wish we were identical, I think it’d be so funny. Like, impersonating each other, and things. We could make such good video skits.”

“We make fantastic video skits already,” Remus protested.

“Okay, fair. But you know what I mean. And we could switch places for a day and see who noticed. All the stuff twins do in stories. Twins are always identical in stories, it’s so annoying, I wish there were more stories with fraternal twins.” Roman paused for a second, his mind hovering for an instant between a not-fully-realized train of thought about the gender politics of twin representation in stories and the question of what animals were most likely to have twins. He chose, almost before he was aware there was a choice, the animals question, his emotions nudging him away from the energy talking about gender representation would take up. “Do you think kittens dream?” he asked, only a second or two after he’d stopped talking in the first place.

“Yeah, probably,” Remus responded without missing a beat, likely following his train of thought. “Better question, do other animals have soulbonds, and how do they know if so?”

“Maybe it’s a scent thing,” Roman said thoughtfully.

“Ooh, like with glands or some shit?” Remus looked thoughtful. “That could make sense. I wonder—I bet there’s answers on the internet. I’m going to look this up later. Are you coming, too, by the way? To get ice cream?”

Roman thought it over. “Sure,” he agreed.

“I’m ready,” Virgil announced, capping their eyeliner and setting it down on hir desk. “Also, I got whiplash about five times just listening to that conversation.”

“Good, my chaos is overtaking another victim and soon I shall rule the world. Let’s go!” Remus led the other two out the door and started walking towards the end of campus.

“Where are we going, exactly?” Roman inquired, shoving his hands into the pockets of his red letterman jacket to keep them warm.

“There’s an ice cream shop that’s open till one in the morning about ten minutes away walking,” Remus said over his shoulder. “Logan and I found it the first weekend here.”

“You two went in search of sweets without me?” Roman put a hand to his heart. “I’m hurt,” he declared in his most dramatic voice.

“Oh, shut up, we would have gotten around to telling you about it eventually. I mean, I’m telling you right now, so.” Remus shrugged. “Virge, aren’t you cold?”

“Yeah, but I’m pretty, so it’s worth it,” Virgil said, tossing their head so the long hair on the top of their undercut swished. They were wearing a distressed band tee and a black skater skirt over fishnet leggings and a pair of doc martens. It was quite chilly out, and even though they were wearing a hoodie too, Roman understood why Remus had been concerned.

“You are very pretty,” Roman told them seriously. Even aside from their clearly carefully chosen outfit, this was true. Their eyes were round and curious and a captivating shade of dark brown. Even with the boost from the platform of the shoes they were wearing, they were tiny. Roman was sure they couldn’t be more than 5’2” without the boots. The hair on top of their undercut was very long, almost down to their waist, contrasting with the closely-shaved back and sides of their head. About six inches on the ends of their hair were dyed purple. Their makeup, of course, was flawless, as was their golden-brown skin, which was just a little bit darker than Roman’s. He made a mental note to ask them about their skincare routine sometime; no matter how much care he treated his skin with, the acne on his cheeks refused to go away. It was his least favorite side effect of taking testosterone. “But you can be pretty and warm at the same time, if you want. I hate being cold. But I respect your decision to be pretty and cold if you want to,” he added quickly.

Virgil let out a slightly nervous laugh, rubbing the back of their neck. “Thanks, I think.” Their eyes widened as they looked past him. “Oh, my god, Remus, shut up!”

“What?” Roman asked, looking over at Remus, who was giving Virgil an evil grin.

“Nothing,” Virgil snapped.

“I didn’t say anything,” Remus said innocently.

“Shut up!” Virgil repeated, flipping the hood of their hoodie up and dragging it over their face.

“What’s going on?” Roman asked, confused, while Remus burst into cackles of laughter.

“Nothing!” Virgil repeated with great emphasis.

Roman let out a sigh of frustration, but Virgil seemed genuinely upset about whatever Remus had done when Roman wasn’t looking, so he dropped it. Maybe Remus would explain later.

Remus did not explain later; however, he did turn around to walk backwards after the silence had stretched on long enough to become awkward. “Is the ocean a soup? Discuss,” he commanded.

“Oh, not this again!” Roman groaned. “No, absolutely not!”

“Yes,” Virgil said, almost as soon as Roman stopped talking.

“No!” Roman stamped his foot. “That makes no sense!”

“It makes lots of sense. Explain how it’s not soup,” Virgil challenged.

The resulting argument lasted them all the way to the ice cream shop and halfway through their treats.

“Aren’t you going to take a side?” Roman demanded of Remus at last.

Remus looked up from his cone. “Oh, no, this is very entertaining for me, I could watch you two bicker all month. Please keep it up.”

“You’re a terrible person,” Roman told him, trying not to laugh.

“I never claimed to be anything else,” Remus said happily.

***

“—and that’s how you do it. It’s really easy, but it’s so fun, I could balance chemical equations for hours,” Remus said, bopping the tip of his dry-erase marker against the giant whiteboard in the library for emphasis. He and Roman and Virgil had all met up here to study; it was a sunny afternoon, and they’d gotten a nice spot by the window. The marker left a little black mark next to the diagram Remus had spent the last ten minutes drawing; he wiped the dot away with his finger. He was wearing a turtleneck with horizontal black-and-white stripes and a pair of faded jeans with paint splatters all over them and huge rips in the front that ran from his mid-thighs almost down to his ankles; he’d finished the outfit off with socks in sandals and a black felt beret. His outfit—vaguely artistic, but mostly just terrible—contrasted comically with the intensely technical pseudo-lecture on chemistry he’d just given.

Roman nodded without looking up. “I remember balancing those was fun,” he agreed. He hadn’t taken a chemistry class in a couple of years now, but Remus was majoring in it, and the best way for Remus to study was to explain it out loud, so he’d gathered Roman and Virgil in the library. They’d even been able to snag one of the coveted whiteboards. Roman was able to focus on his notes better with Remus’s animated talking in the background, and Virgil preferred quiet but was willing to put on his headphones to block out Remus’s noise, so all in all this arrangement worked out well for all three of them.

“Yes!” Remus agreed with a happy wiggle. He picked up his water bottle off the table and took a long sip. “Okay, next I have a bunch of molecules I have to memorize the structures of. Do you need anything first?” He addressed his question to both of them, but Virgil seemed pretty focused—or perhaps his music was loud enough to drown out other noises.

Roman, however, thought the question over. “Yes, actually, can you help me go over my lines for this one scene? It’s not very long.”

“Mmhm.” Remus held out his hands expectantly, and Roman handed him his script. Remus began fiddling with the dog-eared bottom corner of the page it was open to, folding it back and forth.

Roman dug in the pocket of his cargo shorts—he liked cargo shorts, partly for the shape but mostly for the pockets—and handed Remus a star-shaped fidget toy made of sequins that could be flipped back and forth. He’d rather the corner of the script didn’t get torn off by mistake.

“I think I’m off book, I just want to make sure,” he said as Remus accepted the toy and began fidgeting with it.

Remus nodded, scanning the page. “Sounds good. It’s just this one page?”

“Yeah. Ready?”

Remus nodded, and Roman launched into the scene. His character had most of the lines; it was essentially a glorified monologue. Remus interjected the two lines from other characters, using a hilarious nasally voice that made it hard for Roman to stay in character without breaking to laugh, but he successfully made it through the final line before dissolving into snickers.

“You’re word-perfect, kid,” Remus proclaimed as Roman got ahold of himself, handing him back the script.

Roman grinned. “Thank you!”

Remus nodded and took another sip of water before wiping down the whiteboard and launching into a ramble about the molecular structures he had to memorize.

Roman had just about tuned Remus out again and slipped back into the headspace where he could focus on his work when Remus broke off. “Logan!” he exclaimed, sounding delighted.

Roman looked up, and so did Virgil, pulling off hir headphones. Roman followed Remus’s gaze, and there indeed was Logan, his flat top haircut and dark academia outfit unmistakeable. He was stepping out of the stairwell that led down from the floor above, adjusting the strap of the leather messenger bag they used instead of a backpack. Even at this distance, the pins he kept on the bag were visible, neatly affixed in alternating rows on the bag’s buckle straps—a demiboy flag, an aromantic flag, an enamel pin shaped like an open book, and a handful of other pins Logan had collected from the university’s cultural centers during orientation. Roman had a few of that last category on his backpack himself; he knew he and Logan had matching land acknowledgment pins now, but he wasn’t sure if any of the other pins they’d chosen matched.

Remus darted across the wide open floor, weaving his way around a few students. “Logan! Hi!”

Logan looked up, a small smile finding its way onto his face as he saw Remus. He said something—presumably a greeting—but was too far away for Roman to hear, since he was speaking at a normal tone.

Remus seized Logan by the hand and dragged them towards Roman and Virgil. Logan laughed and said something in protest, pushing his square glasses up his wide nose as he followed Remus.

“Remus, I have to go to class,” Logan was insisting as they got close enough for Roman to hear. “Hello, Roman. Virgil.” They adjusted their already-immaculate clothing, the tendons in their thin hands flexing as they smoothed their mustard-brown cable knit sweater vest and tugged on the rolled-up sleeves of their periwinkle button down shirt.

Virgil gave a two-fingered salute. “Sup.”

“Hi Logan,” Roman said happily. “We’re studying!”

“Very nice,” Logan said, raising Remus’s hand—which was still clasping his own—and gently pressing it with their other hand. “I am always glad to see you, Remus, but I can’t stay long.”

“Okay,” Remus said. “I just wanted to say hi.” He gave Logan a quick, tight hug around the ribs before releasing them just as fast as he’d darted in.

Logan smiled again. “Hello, then. I hope your studying is going well?”

He received nods from the group, and gave them his own nod in return.

“You’ve got to go,” Remus reminded him. “You don’t like to be late.”

“True. I’ll see you later, dear.”

Remus nodded. “Wanna hang out tomorrow night?”

Logan considered this. “Maybe. I’m going to the Black Student Union meeting tomorrow evening. So it would have to be after that.”

“Okay, I can do that! I love you!”

Logan smiled. “I love you too, Rem.” They made as if to leave, then paused. “Roman, while I’m thinking of it—are you and Patton still free for lunch tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Roman confirmed. Logan and Patton had two classes together, and so together with Roman they’d formed a tight-knit little friend group very quickly; the three of them tried to make sure to meet up for lunch at least once a week.

“Wonderful. I’ll text our groupchat about it. See you then.” Logan tugged his hand out of Remus’s grip, waved, and set off at a brisk pace back towards the stairs.

***

“I’m telling you, Virgil, Oberon and Titania are a really good example of how soulmates can make it through rough patches!”

“Bullshit. They’re obviously not a metaphor for soulmates, why would the fae even have soulmates? Their story is a cautionary tale,” Virgil said languidly, lying on their back on the floor of their room.

“No!” Roman pounded his fist on the floor. “Why do you always do this?”

“Because it’s funny,” Virgil replied with a snicker.

“But you always bash on soulmates, specifically!” Roman said.

“Yeah, because I think society’s emphasis on soulbonds is dumb.” Virgil shrugged. “Anyway, if you think Oberon and Titania’s relationship is a good example of anything, I have some concerns.”

“No—no, stop! I didn’t mean it like that! They’re fae, like you said. I obviously don’t condone any of the ways they treated each other! I’m just saying that viewing them as a metaphor for soulmates makes a really interesting lens to view the other couples in the play! Right, Logan?” He turned expectantly to Logan.

“Wh—no,” Logan, who was sitting on Remus’s bed and combing their fingers through Remus’s hair, his head in their lap, responded. “You are both, objectively, wrong. Horribly so. Painfully so.”

“Hey! You’re not allowed to tell me I’m wrong about Shakespeare,” Roman countered quickly.

“Why did you ask me for my opinion, then?” Logan asked, rolling their eyes.

“I don’t know,” Roman grumbled.

“Wait, why can’t they talk to you about Shakespeare?” Virgil asked.

“Because they always win!” Roman crossed his arms.

“Oh, and I don’t?” Virgil demanded. “What am I to you, Roman? I thought we had something special here,” they went on playfully. “You make dumb arguments, I make worse ones, and then I win. I thought that meant something to you.” They pouted at him.

“That’s different!” Roman protested, stifling giggles at the mopey puppy dog eyes Virgil was sending him. “You just don’t care what I say. Logan actually refutes my arguments! It’s very humiliating!”

“I only do it because your logic is physically painful to listen to,” Logan said.

Roman crossed his arms and pointedly turned away from Logan, nose in the air. “Anyway. As I was saying. Puck’s role in all of this is really interesting, if you consider the question: are the fae supposed to be able to truly alter soulbonds, or are they only messing with feelings?”

“Dear,” Logan said plaintively, looking down at Remus, his fingers still carding through Remus’s curls.

“Hmm?” Remus responded, not opening his eyes.

“Make them stop,” Logan said beseechingly.

“Sorry fellas, you heard them. Stop torturing Logan, he’s already an English major, so he’s plenty tortured already. Or else I’ll have to dissect your spleens.” Remus wagged a finger in Roman and Virgil’s direction.

“What a terrible fate that would be,” Roman commented, flopping over to lie on the floor beside Virgil.

Seconds later, his phone buzzed; he pulled it out to see a text notification from Virgil.

Virgil: oberon sucks btw

Roman: Oh, it is ON!

Roman grinned as he sent the response, already anticipating the thrill of the argument that was about to ensue. He felt a warm thrill in his chest at Virgil’s answering chuckle—it was good to know Virgil was having fun with this too.

***

“—so I was hanging out with Virgil the other day at the library cafe, and he said The Tempest was dumb because magic solves everything.” Roman was lying on the floor of his dorm, tossing a bouncy ball up in the air and catching it over and over again. Logan was sitting at Roman’s desk, legs up and crossed on the seat of the chair as he worked on readings for an English class, half-listening to Roman’s rambling. “And that since it solved all the problems, it made no sense for Prospero to give it up. Which was completely ignoring all the bad stuff magic had done and the symbolism of him throwing it away!”

“What did Remus have to say about that?” Logan inquired with a small laugh, not looking up from the copy of Frankenstein in his hands.

“What? Oh, nothing. Remus wasn’t there.”

“Oh?” Logan blinked, glancing up from the book.

“Yeah, we were at the library getting Starbucks, we do that on Wednesdays now. Remus was in his history class, I’m pretty sure.”

“I didn’t know you and Virgil hung out together,” Logan said, raising their eyebrows.

“Oh, we don’t, we just get coffee on Wednesdays, it’s different,” Roman said.

Logan stared at him. “...What?”

“Like, we only hang out on our own time to get Starbucks and then argue about Shakespeare. It’s really fun! It’s a great system, honestly. And this way, you don’t yell at me about Shakespeare or text Remus rant essays about what you think I’m getting wrong!”

Logan looked away, a very called-out expression on his face. “You weren’t supposed to see those…”

“Oh, Remus didn’t show me, I just broke into his phone the other day and it was open to your texts,” Roman said reassuringly.

“Why would you break into—” Logan began, not seeming reassured in the slightest.

“I needed to check his calendar to see if he was available to come with me to the grocery store,” Roman explained. “You know we’re really good at guessing each other’s passcodes. He doesn’t mind, we break into each other’s phones all the time.” He paused, assessing Logan’s face, trying to gauge if their expression was upset or not. “I’m sorry I read the texts, though,” he added, just in case it had hurt their feelings. “I only saw the very end of it, it wasn't on purpose or anything. Promise.”

Logan sighed. “I know. It’s alright.” He reached across the space between them to press the back of Roman’s hand.

Roman grinned. “Only you would come up with a whole essay in a text,” he teased. “Dunno what I expected, really.”

“It wasn’t an essay,” Logan said defensively. “Technically speaking.”

“I dunno, it sure looked like if you formatted it with MLA, you could turn it in for a grade.” Roman giggled. “But hey, what do I know?”

Logan opened his mouth to reply, but stopped as the doorknob rattled with the sound of keys.

Patton stepped in. “Hey! If it isn’t some of my favorite people!” he greeted the two of them with a smile. His dark, wavy hair was a little ruffled. Normally he combed it to the side, but Roman remembered it had been windy today, so Roman guessed that was responsible for the irregularity. “How are you doing?” Patton asked the two of them.

“Better now that you’re here,” Roman told him with an answering grin. “How’s your day been?” He’d noticed that Patton really liked being asked how his day had gone.

Sure enough, Patton’s smile spread a little wider. “Pretty good, thanks! I haven’t had too much to do today, which is nice. How are you doing, Logan?” He sat down on the floor beside Roman, sliding his backpack off his shoulders.

Roman immediately sat up and scooted over to lean against Patton—he was an excellent cuddler; he was tall and chubby and he ran warm, and Roman liked cuddles. He tended towards understimulation rather than overstimulation, and hugs were one of his favorite things. Patton was always happy to supply.

“I’m alright, thank you,” Logan said as Patton wrapped an arm around Roman’s shoulders. “A little underslept, but otherwise good.”

“Good, good. You should sleep more. Are you both busy?” Patton asked.

“No,” Roman said, because Patton always had fun ideas.

Logan pursed his lips, glancing down at the book in his hands in consideration. “I can finish this chapter later. Why?”

“Oh, I was just wondering if either of you wanted to play a board game,” Patton said. He and Roman had each brought a couple from their homes, and together they had quite the little collection.

“Yes!” Roman agreed eagerly, breaking away from Patton and crossing to the shelf where they kept the games. “How about Clue?”

“I will decimate you both,” Logan said, deadly serious, adjusting their glasses and scooting to the floor.

“All part of the fun, Specs.” Roman pulled out the box and set it down between them. “Dibs on the red piece!”

***

“—so I told him that was utter bullshit—not in so many words, of course—and listed off the reasons why, and he simply did not seem to recognize how completely nonexistent his logic was, he just kept repeating his original points louder and louder.” Logan punctuated his rant about a classmate with hand gestures as he walked next to Roman on the sidewalk.

“I hate guys like that,” Roman said, making a face.

Logan nodded. “But I got full credit on my discussion post when I typed up my argument and I cannot imagine he got the same, based on his talking points. So.” He shrugged, clearly trying not to look too smug with himself.

“Good job!” Roman told them.

“Thank you.” Logan’s happiness was palpable. “How have—”

“Logan!” Remus’s voice shouted.

Roman looked in the direction of the noise; they were almost an entire block away still from the quad, where they’d agreed to meet Remus, but he seemed to have spotted them. He was sprinting at full speed directly towards them.

“Oh, dear,” Logan said, the exasperation in his voice belied by the grin on their face. They took a step back and braced themself, just in time.

Remus full-on tackled Logan in a hug, colliding into him at full speed. Logan stumbled back a couple of steps, but successfully avoided falling over. “Hello, Remus,” he said composedly, wrapping their arms around Remus and returning the enthusiastic hug. “How are you?”

“Much better now. I missed you,” Remus said into Logan’s shoulder. “Normal people get all weird about it when I tell them cool murder facts. You're much cooler than normal people.”

“It has been twenty-seven hours and about thirty minutes since you last saw me,” Logan informed him. “And thirteen minutes since we last texted.” They rumpled his curls, which fell messily in loose spirals about his face; they were mostly about chin length, although some of them were choppily trimmed shorter than others. Remus was very insistent about cutting his own hair. It was always mildly disastrous, but he insisted he liked it that way. He’d dyed it himself, too; he’d bleached a streak at the very front of his head and dyed it silver about a month before college started, with a surprising amount of success.

“Yeah, and I missed you.” Remus stepped back from the hug as Logan released him. “Also hi Roman, I guess.” He tossed Roman a grin.

“You are a terrible brother sometimes,” Roman informed him. “Hi.”

“Uh, I think you mean all the time,” Remus corrected him. “I’m joking,” he added. “C’mon, I got Starbucks for us! I have extra meal credits!” He seized Logan’s hand and reached invitingly for Roman’s.

Roman let Remus grab his hand, too, and his brother immediately began dragging both Roman and Logan at a slightly breakneck pace down the sidewalk. Several students dove out of their way until he dragged them to a halt by the food truck, bouncing on the balls of his feet and waiting expectantly.

Not even a moment later, the barista placed three cups on the delivery window tray and called out Remus’s name.

“Yes!” Remus pumped his fist, darted over, and picked up two of the cups—Roman recognized Remus and Logan’s go-to coffee orders, a trenta mango-dragonfruit refresher and a grande vanilla sweet cream cold brew with extra ice. Roman picked up the last cup, a warm drink in a grande cup; he sniffed to check what it was even though he knew what Remus usually got him. Steamed apple juice with a sprinkle of cinnamon on top—his favorite as a kid and still one of his favorites now. He wrapped his hands around the warm cup and followed Remus and Logan over to a sunny patch on the lawn.

Remus sprawled out, taking up more space than seemed humanly possible for one person to fill; Logan tucked their legs beneath them as they sat beside Remus and began pulling out a textbook, a dog-eared novel, and a handful of pens and pencils from their messenger bag.

Roman sat so that he completed the triangle between the three of them, his legs crossed so he could lean his cup against them between sips and not worry about knocking it over.

“Thank you for the coffee, Remus,” Logan said, his cup halfway to his lips as he flipped through the worn novel.

Roman nodded in agreement, breathing in the warm cinnamon scent of the apple juice.

“Of course!” Remus said exuberantly, taking a noisy slurp of his drink.

Roman and Logan both winced slightly.

“Could you be a little quieter, there?” Logan asked mildly.

“How dare you.” Remus clutched his heart, leaning back so far Roman was surprised he didn’t lose his balance and fall over.

Logan sighed, reaching over and placing a hand over Remus’s, gripped around the edge of the cup’s lid. “At least please be careful not to splash,” he said, guiding Remus’s hand downwards until the cup came to rest on the ground. “This textbook cost rather a lot and I’d like to sell it back in a decent condition at the end of the term.”

Remus let go of the cup, leaving it to rest where it was, and leaned forward. He took Logan’s face in both of his hands and looked seriously into their eyes. “Hey. You are my best friend in the whole world and you mean everything to me. I love you and I’m so glad we’re soulmates. But I draw the line at stopping my annoying behavior for anything less than a natural disaster.” He released Logan and picked his drink back up. “I promise I won’t spill on your book, though,” he added lightly. “Roman gets no such promises.”

“You wouldn’t dare, you know I hate being sticky—” Roman began heatedly.

“Okay, okay. Jesus. You two are really conspiring to foil all my chaotic little gremlin dealings today. I’ll order an ice water to spill on you instead, will that make you happy?” Remus snickered.

Roman frowned. “If you must,” he begrudgingly agreed, since this seemed the closest thing to a compromise he was likely to get out of Remus. He suspected it might be a joke anyway, but he wasn’t sure about that and didn’t want to take any chances.

But Remus didn’t return to the food truck, so it seemed likely that it was a joke after all. Instead, he devoted himself to more noisy slurping, crossing his eyes and looking like he didn’t have a care in the world.

“You’re the tallest one of us,” Roman said after a moment.

“Huh?” Remus looked up at him.

“He has a point, dear,” Logan said, turning a page.

“Like yeah I know I am, but what’s the point?” Remus asked.

“You said we were foiling your chaotic little gremlin dealings,” Roman elaborated. “You’re, like, fucking… six two.”

“And a half,” Remus added. “Emotionally, I am a chaotic creature of spite who’s about three five and can sneeze fire, though.”

“That makes no sense,” Roman protested.

“Does too,” Remus responded, crossing his arms.

“It does,” Logan agreed. “For example, emotionally, I punch that one classmate in the face twice a week, but we can’t always embody what we want to be. And you, Roman—emotionally, you’re very invested in Shakespeare, but in actuality, your interpretations are painfully bad.”

“Hey. You talking about me and Shakespeare is off limits. We’ve discussed this.” Roman waved a warning finger at them.

“I still think that’s unfair and have raised a motion to reject and overturn the ban.”

“Unfortunately for you, the judge and jury are my feelings, and you hurt them, Logan. Shakespeare and I have something special. You need to stop trying to come between us like this.”

Logan glanced up from his book to give Roman a singularly unimpressed look. “You are preposterous.”

Roman beamed at him and made a heart shape with his hands, holding it up like a picture frame to look at Logan through. “But you loooooove me,” he singsonged.

Logan nodded. “This is true.”

“You’re both nerds and Shakespeare isn’t even that good,” Remus put in, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“I’m divorcing you,” Logan said immediately.

“Noooo, come back!” Remus dramatically grasped at the air as if reaching out from afar for Logan.

“Fine.” Logan shrugged. “Then Roman’s disowning you.”

“Hey, that’s my line!”  

“He can’t disown me, he’d miss me,” Remus said confidently. “Y’all are stuck with me.” He looked very pleased with himself.

There was silence for a beat, then all three of them burst into laughter.

“I’m really glad we’re all friends,” Remus said happily, leaning back and taking another long sip of his drink.

“Yeah,” Roman agreed.

“I don’t know,” Logan said, holding back a smirk. “Sometimes I think about a world where I don’t have to deal with a pair of himbos every day of my life.” He maintained his faux-serious face for all of the three seconds it took both twins to start pelting him with ripped-up blades of grass, then devolved into helpless laughter again.

***

“Patton, you good? You’ve been kind of spaced out all day.”

“Huh?” Patton looked up, blinking through his round gold-rimmed glasses. “Yeah, I’m okay! Just… boy problems, I guess? Which is… it’s new.” He wrinkled his nose for a second in a face of dissatisfaction before smoothing his face back into a smile.

“Oh? Want to talk about it?” Roman asked eagerly, leaning forward and resting his chin in his hands, interest definitely piqued.

“I don’t know…” Patton glanced away. “It’s complicated. And it’s probably not a big deal.”

“Patton. We are friends. The main purpose of friends is gossiping about crushes.” Roman crossed his arms. “I am offended that you would ever doubt my capacity for talking about boys in a gay way.”

“I don’t think that’s the main purpose of friendship,” Patton said, but his smile looked more genuine.

“Shush, I know that, I’m being dramatic. How about a movie night and you can spill the deets in a cozy setting with popcorn? And Logan?”

“I mean… okay,” Patton relented. “It’s probably not as exciting as you’re hoping for, though, I’m sorry.”

“Nonsense. You are perfect and so is everything you do,” Roman said absently, pulling out his phone and FaceTiming Logan.

“Roman! You’re sweet, but you know you shouldn’t go around passing out compliments that should go to you,” Patton said.

“Oh, stop,” Roman said, grinning wide.

Logan picked up on the second ring. “What do you need, Roman?”

“To see your gorgeous face, nerd. Also we’re having a movie night at me and Pat’s, attendance mandatory. Seven works, right? Pat’s having boy problems.”

Logan stared at Roman with a blank face for several beats. “And… you want me there to help… why?” he deadpanned.

“Shut up, you have a nonromantic boy toy, you’re basically qualified to help.”

“Don’t call Remus that! He’s a person, not a—wait, he’s your brother, Roman, that’s worse, that’s so weird—”

“—Anyway, I can more than handle giving Patton plenty of terrible advice on his love life,” Roman interrupted. “You’re there to tell him everything I say is a terrible idea and let me throw popcorn at you. We can watch Big Hero Six. C’mon, it’ll be fun!”

Logan heaved a sigh. “Fine. But you have to put your dad’s curry powder on the popcorn.”

“What kind of man do you take me for, Logan? Of course we’ll have curry popcorn! See you at seven, love you, bye bye.” Roman blew a kiss and hung up.

After his English class, Roman grabbed a burrito from the dining hall and hurried back to the dorm, making it there at half past six. Patton was already back; he made hot chocolate while Roman microwaved popcorn and tossed it in a bowl with curry powder.

At precisely seven o'clock, there was a knock on the door; Roman let Logan in and the three of them climbed into the nest of pillows and blankets Patton had built on the bottom bunk, pushing aside the bi pride flag and the Puerto Rican flag Patton had hung like curtains around his bunk.

“So,” Roman said eagerly as the movie’s opening bot fight began on the laptop screen, turning to Patton and bouncing (Logan grabbed the popcorn bowl out of Roman’s lap as it jostled), “spill!”

Patton squirmed under the attention, a half-hidden smile ghosting its way onto his face. “I don’t know… what should I talk about?”

“What’s he like?” Roman asked. “How do you know him? Is he cute? Have you got his number?”

“Oh, wow—that’s a lot.” Patton giggled nervously.

“Okay, start with is he cute?”

“He’s really cute,” Patton allowed, biting back another smile. “He’s got all these freckles all over his face and neck and hands, and his eyebrows are really expressive—he gets this really serious face when he’s thinking, and it’s… really pretty.”

“Eyes?” Roman demanded. “How are his eyes?”

“I mean, they’re eyes? They’re this kind of greyish blueish color. I don’t know, I try not to stare, especially when he’s looking, you know?”

“Okay, that’s fair,” Roman relented. “What else? Is he fashionable?”

“I—not really, honestly. He mostly just wears longsleeve tees and jeans. Sometimes beanies. He has these really cute yellow converse that he always wears, though. He, like—oh, gosh, I’m not sure how to describe it. He’s not, like, fashionable like you asked, but he—kind of the way he holds himself makes it seem like he is? He wears his clothes well, I think is maybe the phrase.”

Roman nodded. “Alright. Do you know whether or not he’s queer?”

Patton hesitated. “Um… I’m not sure. I don’t know either way. But he was the only one that laughed at a bi pun I made one time, and he wore a pink shirt and yellow belt with faded jeans one time, which I might be reading way too much into but it sure looked like a sneaky pastel pan flag.”

Roman nodded very seriously, taking mental notes. “All good signs. Anything else? Any stickers on his laptop or water bottle? Pins on his backpack?”

Patton shook his head. “They’re, like, super empty. He doesn’t really do anything that tells people about his personality. His outfits are usually really plain, like I said, and everything. It’s weird, because he’s got such a distinct personality, and he really doesn’t seem like someone who’d leave his stuff unpersonalized. It’s like he’s afraid of something, or something.” Patton was silent for a moment, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “But then, he seems kind of nervous around me in general.” He looked away, a worried expression crossing his face.

“Maybe he likes you back?” Roman suggested. “Plenty of people get nervous around their crushes.”

Patton shook his head quickly. “No, I don’t think that’s it. I think I know what the thing worrying him is. I just… don’t know how to talk about it with him.”

“You do realize you’re being super vague here, right?” Roman queried; he couldn’t parse what on earth Patton meant by that, but his curiosity was piqued.

“I know.” Patton bit his lip. “I, um, don’t want to talk about it yet, I think. It’s complicated. I don’t think it would be fair to him to discuss it with others.”

“Oh.” Roman did his best to hide his disappointment. “Okay, that’s fine. How do you know him?”

His attempt to change the subject didn’t seem to ease Patton’s discomfort, based on the way his shoulders drew up even closer to his ears. “...Kind of from a class we’re in together?” he answered after a long pause. “We’re partners on a group project.”

“Sounds like a meet cute to me,” Roman said, searching again for new lines of questioning that would hopefully not be as upsetting for mysterious and unknown reasons. “What do you like about him?”

Patton lit up. “He’s really sweet, actually. It takes some looking to see it, because he’s got a lot of walls up, but you can tell he’s really thoughtful and observant, and he’s really warming up to me, I think—he’s being much nicer to me than most people, and I’m starting to think he really means it and wants to be nice to me just to be nice, not because he feels like he has to.”

“Well, of course he’d be nice to you, you’re like the sweetest person I’ve met in my life,” Roman said, feeling bewildered by this line of reasoning.

“No, I—oh, nevermind. I was worried he wasn’t genuinely being nice for a while, but I’m really starting to think he means it, is my point. Anyway, he’s really smart—he’s so good at like, you know, synthesizing stuff? He’s really good at finding the information we need and paraphrasing it in a way that works really well for our project. I have such a hard time wording things how I want, you know? So it’s awesome that he can do that so well. And he’s good at puns, too! He tries not to laugh, but he scrunches his nose up and gets really red cheeks so you can always tell, it’s really cute. And one time I was trying to explain to our professor he was wrong about something, but I was kind of having trouble getting my point across, the teacher didn’t seem to get it, and he just spoke up and pointed out exactly where the misunderstanding was. It was really nice and reassuring of him. He just seems really protective of people he cares about, you know?”

“He sounds great, Pat!” Roman agreed.

Patton nodded, giving an excited little wiggle.

The brief silence was broken by a quiet crunching noise. Roman looked to his other side to see Logan, eyes fixed on the movie, who had worked their way through a solid third of the popcorn.

“Oh, you fiend!” Roman cried, seizing the popcorn bowl back since he was sitting in the middle.

“What?” Logan defended himself exasperatedly. “You two seemed to be handling that just fine! I like this movie! Neither of you asked for the popcorn back! What did I do?”

“...Okay, technically nothing,” Roman admitted after considering this defense and finding it to be unfortunately solid and covering all of Logan’s bases. God, they knew him too well. “But we are supposed to be doing this as a group.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Fine. Patton, he’s probably queer. You should ask him out and see what happens. Happy now?”

“Wh—how are you saying that with such confidence?” Roman demanded.

“Which part?”

“That he’s queer. I agree Patton should definitely ask him out at the first opportunity, we just hadn’t gotten to that yet.”

“I mean, I can’t say for sure, but being the only person in a classroom to react to a queer joke is pretty telling.” Logan shrugged. “Any other relevant details?”

Patton shrugged. “I don’t know. Janus—that’s the guy—he doesn’t talk about himself very much—”

“Hold on, Janus?” Logan interrupted. “Lanky white guy? Constantly acts like he’s just swallowed a lemon? Kind of a twink? Looks incredibly uncomfortable in his own skin? Growing his hair out?”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Patton admitted. “You could maybe be nicer about him, though.”

“I’m sure I could,” Logan said, seeming unconcerned. “Yeah, I know him. He’s queer, I’m pretty sure he’s compatible with you. No idea if he’d be interested, or frankly what you see in him, but go for it.”

“Wh—how do you know him?” Roman demanded. “I feel left out now!”

“We met at the Aspec—at a pride center identity group. Also he’s Remus’s roommate’s best friend. They’re practically attached at the hip. I’m surprised you haven’t met him yet, with how much you hang out over there lately.”

Virgil had a best friend? A best friend here, at college? That was news. Surprisingly unpleasant news—Roman wasn’t quite sure why. It wasn’t like he disliked Virgil to the point of not wanting them to have friends! Of course not! Frankly, he was glad to hear the tiny emo had a social life. It just kind of stung that this was the first time he was hearing about someone evidently so important to Virgil. And not even from hir own mouth. He’d kind of thought they were closer than that. That he’d have learned basic facts about what and who was important to Virgil by now. Learning otherwise was a remarkably unpleasant experience.

Logan took another handful of popcorn out of the bowl in Roman’s hands, startling Roman out of his thoughts.

“Stop!” he yelped. “I want some, too!”

“You have more if this bag runs out,” Logan pointed out. “I have some extra popcorn in my dorm too. And you’ve been holding out on me with your curry powder.” He popped another handful into his mouth and crossed his arms.

“If you just asked my parents, you could have some of your own! They’d even give you the recipe! Now share with Patton!” Roman leaned himself and the popcorn bowl away from Logan, trying not to laugh.

“I don’t mind,” Patton put in. “It’s very tasty, but I’m not as attached as Logan is.”

“No, you have to take some, he’s been hogging it,” Roman insisted.

“I don’t mind!” Patton insisted. Roman shoved the bowl in his face, and he relented and took a handful.

“Let Logan have some more now,” Patton said, gently pushing the bowl back into Roman’s lap.

“Thank you,” Logan said primly when Roman relented.

“You’re welcome!” Patton said with an easy smile. The smile fell away after a moment, though, and he looked thoughtful. “I’m not sure about asking Janus out, though,” he said hesitantly.

“Why not?” Roman asked. “You really sound interested in him! What have you got to lose?”

“It’s more complicated than that,” Patton said, worrying the edge of a blanket between his fingers. “I’m not sure if he’d be comfortable with it. I don’t—I don’t know.” He looked away. “I’ll figure it out, I guess.” He looked back at Roman and Logan, forcing a smile onto his face. “Thank you both for the advice, though. And for listening.”

“Patton—” Roman began, concerned.

Patton shook his head. “Let’s just watch the movie now, okay? Really. Thank you. But I’m good for now. Can I have some more popcorn?”

Logan wordlessly held out the bowl and Roman allowed himself to be mostly distracted by Big Hero Six. He felt better when Patton leaned on his shoulder, a genuine smile on his face as he watched Fred goofing around on the screen. Whatever the issue Patton was dealing with was, at least it didn’t seem big enough to keep bothering him after putting it aside.

***

“So,” Remus said with an evil grin.

“Whatever it is, I don’t want to know,” Roman said. They were both sprawled on Remus’s bed, sharing earbuds as Remus swiped through TikTok.

“It’s nothing!” Remus protested.

Roman gave him a suspicious look. Remus’s face was entirely too innocent.

“I was just wondering when you’re going to get your shit together and do something about your crush on Virgil,” Remus said, the evil grin back.

“My what?” Roman did a double take. “I—I don’t have a crush on Virgil, we barely even get along!”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Oh, please. The tension between you two is so high I’m surprised something hasn’t snapped yet. And you definitely have a crush.”

“I do not!” Roman grabbed Remus’s pillow and threw it in his brother’s face. “We’re barely even friends!”

Remus shoved the pillow aside and rested his chin on top of it, making a skeptical face.

“I mean, are they really pretty? Sure. But that’s not a crush,” Roman insisted.

“Mmhm. Okay. So what makes it not a crush?” Remus pressed.

“I—well—” Roman stammered, flustered by the very question.

“Uh-huh.”

“No!” Roman snapped, voice cracking. “I just—that’s a hard question to answer right off the bat! How do you define a crush? It’s just not, okay?”

“I mean, I define crush as, like…” Remus paused. “Huh. Okay. You have a point, or whatever. I guess… a crush is, like—huh. No. Okay. You’re distracting me. I’m teasing you about your crush that you totally do have, we are not veering off topic.”

“I do not have a crush on Virgil! I just want to be his friend! Okay?”

Remus made a skeptical face. “Sure, whatever you say. I’m still going to tease you about it.”

“Oh, whenever you find that third soulmate, I am getting so much revenge.”

“Eh.” Remus shrugged. “Like, go for it, but I dunno if you’ll have that much time to tease me about it before we get together. You know? Like, think about me and Logan.”

“Logan knew you were soulmates for two and a half years before you got togeth—”

“Yeah, because he’s smart, but I didn’t figure it out until thirty minutes before we got together. Or like. Thirty minutes before we started talking about it. You know this.”

Roman crossed his arms. This was unfortunately a very good point; the day Remus had figured out that Logan was one of his soulmates had been a pretty memorable one even for Roman. Logan and the twins had grown up next door to each other, and had been best friends since elementary school. One Saturday morning near the end of their senior year of high school, Remus had bolted upright in bed while Roman was brushing his teeth, blurted out something nigh incomprehensible, and taken off at a sprint; he’d slammed the front door behind himself on his way out and he hadn’t answered any of Roman’s texts for two hours, only to show up by sprinting back into the house and screaming at the top of his lungs “Logan and I are soulmates!”

This had prompted a lot of confused questioning from Roman. He’d learned that yes, Remus and Logan were definitely soulmates; Logan had figured it out in sophomore year but hadn’t said anything; Remus had only just figured it out; yes, Logan was still aromantic; yes, Remus was still allo; no, neither of them felt like either of these facts was an issue; and Remus was very happy.

“We’re going on, like, a date, but platonic,” Remus had announced to him that day, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “I’m really excited, this is so cool! Who’d have thought, right? Logan and me!”

Roman had smiled and tried hard to just be happy for Remus and Logan, and not jealous of them. Particularly about two months later, when they’d made their relationship official and become queerplatonic partners. He was happy for them! He was!

But Remus had never cared that much about finding his soulmates. Roman had. It didn’t feel fair. Remus, who didn’t care, got two soulmates, and one of them was literally his childhood best friend. Roman, who’d been daydreaming about finding his soulmate since he was too little to remember, and had learned just about everything there was to know about how soulbonds worked, seemed to have just the usual one soulmate. His soulbond hadn’t even developed until he was sixteen—admittedly, that was an expected side effect of the puberty blockers he’d been on for a few years before he’d been approved for T, but he was still salty about it. And when his soulbond finally had developed and he’d started tuning into his soulmate’s dreams, they were so creepy! He wasn’t sure he’d had a single souldream so far that wasn’t a nightmare. They ruined his sleep for the night whenever he got one. It was irritating and frustrating and all sorts of bad things; he’d actually cried over it a couple of times, not that anyone but Remus knew.

But as annoying as it was for him, it had to be worse for his poor soulmate—if these nightmares were what was making it through the soulbond, he could only imagine how much worse their nightly sleep must be.

He hoped he’d find them soon. He was ready for a proper romance, thank you very much!

[batskulldrag]

Phoenix by Fallout Boy

Chapter Ten: Ready Aim Fire by Imagine Dragons

once more I will state that I have no OC’. s everyone is either a youtuber or a character from 2017′s dream daddy. I will ask that you check out Jenna Marbles’ video ‘making corn on the cob but instead of the corn bone it’s a hotdog’ it’s not nessarry, but it is funny.

Patton squeezed Logan’s hand as he looked around the room. It was nice, it looked like every kid’s dream room. But the idea of being evaluated was crushing the air out of his lungs. Granted, E. S. had suggested a psych evaluation for them to boost their chances in court, and he did want some parenting advice. So, there they were in Picani’s office, waiting.

He stole a glance at Logan. His husband’s once stoic expression now a thin veil to mask resentment. Patton could almost see every memory of every doctor he was dragged to so his parents could cure him. Logan squeezed the arm rest until his knuckles were white and the bones threatened to pop out.

“It’s ok.” Patton rubbed his shoulder gently. “This time is going to be different. No one wants to cure you. We’re just gonna talk to him. There’s nothing wrong with you. Remember that.”

Logan silently slid his arm around Patton and held him close. Patton rested his head on Logan’s shoulder and listened to his heartbeat. It was slowing down and his own heart started mimicking the calmer rhythm.

The door opened and a cheerful man with curly blond hair and a tan cardigan danced in vocalizing the Loony Toon’s theme song. Ok, so Picani was definitely not a stuffed shirt. This would be nice.

“So, you’re Patton and Logan.” Emile smiled. “We met a few times before.”

“Virgil’s doing a lot better.” Patton chirped. “They’re taking the bandages off soon.”

“That’s good. Has he adjusted any since last week?”

“A little. He’s not as skittish.” Patton smiled. “I’ve been taking him to work with me since I had to go back to the library.”

“That should be a good way to keep his mind off things.” Emile pondered. “Maybe they’ll let him volunteer there. It’s good to keep busy.”

“Today, he read to the kids.” Logan added. “I think some interaction with people closer to his peer group is doing him good.”

“That is awesome news.” Emile smiled and put his hands together. “But now I think it’s time to talk about you two. ‘Sup?’”

“Our lawyer said that it would help us if we had psychological evaluations.” Logan responded. “We all suspect that Payton might try to use certain things against us.”

“Such as…” Emile led.

“For starters I have Asperger’s syndrome. One might argue that it would make me unfit to raise a child.”

“The usual ‘they can’t feel empathy’ song and dance?”

“No, there hasn’t been any singing.”

“It’s a metaphor sweetie.” Patton rubbed his hand.

“Oh.” Logan looked away. “Right.”

“So, where on the spectrum are you?” Emile asked. “You seem really high functioning.”

“I am high functioning. Mainly, I can’t read emotions, I don’t understand metaphors or sarcasm, flashing lights give me migraines, I have a noise sensitivity and I get intensely nervous around people. And I don’t like most sweet foods. They hurt my mouth.”

“How about routines?” Emile continued.

“I have routines, but I don’t impose them on other people. I like to stick to a schedule; to do things in a certain order. But I don’t have an episode if the schedule is disrupted.”

“What normally triggers one?”

“Usually things build up. My most recent episode was a two weeks ago when Roman and I were trying to build a futon without instructions.”

“Why without instructions?”

“They were lost long ago. It was maddening.”

“That.” Emile pointed at them. “Would drive anyone crazy. So, I don’t really see any reason why you can’t adopt Virgil with Patton. Asperger’s isn’t exactly the life ruining hinderance that everyone thinks it is.”

Patton nuzzled up to Logan.

“See. It’s fine.”

Emile smiled at them.

“It’s nice to see a happy couple in here.” He sighed. “I do a lot of couple’s therapy.”

“Logan and I are happy.” Patton confirmed. “We’re almost to out ten-year anniversary.”

“That’s quite the milestone. How’d you two meet?” he leaned forward.

“I had to go to him for tutoring, and we just clicked. Logan proposed while we were in college and we’ve been inseparable ever since.”

“We were more or less inseparable before that.” Logan interjected. “I just decided to make it official.”

“You’re a Garnet.” Emile clasped his hands to his heart.

“Like from Steven Universe?” Patton asked excitedly.

“Exactly, you two have found your balance and have a solid relationship.”

“That is fair.” Logan looked up. “Most of our arguments did consist of the fact that I can be stoic, and Patton can be over passionate. Exactly like Ruby and Sapphire.”

“That is awesome.” Emile smiled. “And having a stable marriage is usually important if you want to adopt.”

Patton squeezed Logan’s hand and beamed up at him from his shoulder. Logan returned a smile.

“So, what other things are on your minds?” Emile pointed his folded hands at them. “We’re in the judgement free zone here.”

“Well,” Patton rubbed his arm and looked at Logan. “I was on antidepressants for a while after my mom died. And I kind of still am on the medication. I was really out of it.”

“How old were you when she passed away?”

“I had to be about nineteen or twenty.”

“What happened to her?” He asked gently.

“She had ALS.” Patton looked at the floor to hide his tears, why was he still crying after all these years? “She lasted eight months.”

Eight months? That was it? He could have sworn that it was longer.

“I’m so sorry to hear that.” He handed them a box of tissues.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know I still did this.” Patton dabbed his eyes. “It’s been twelve years.”

“If they put you on antidepressants that means that it must have hit you pretty hard. Watching family die, especially from something that awful can really take its toll. There’s nothing wrong with how you feel, or how long you feel it. And moms are important, losing one is a blow no matter how old they are.”

“It hit me really hard.” Patton pressed himself into Logan, who started petting his hair. “I was sleepwalking, one night I woke up in the parking lot of the hospital because I thought I was taking mom to the doctor. I used to do the dishes in my sleep.”

“Was it just you, taking care of her?” Emile squinted. “What about your brother?”

“Payton was in college too. He didn’t want anything to do with it.” Logan answered, still petting Patton.

“I told you I get why he didn’t want to be there.”

“Don’t make excuses for him, you know that’s not why he avoided the house.”

“Hey, don’t unfuse over this.” Emile offered hesitantly.

“Logan and Roman helped a lot during all that. With Mom and Virgil.”

“Virgil was with you?”

“He was just a baby. Mom was diagnosed a few months before his first birthday.”

“And Payton left him with you? Just like that? Just like Pink leaving Spinel in the garden?”

“If Payton was a good father, we wouldn’t be here.” Patton pulled out another tissue. “I don’t wanna talk about my brother.”

“Alright, we’ll just zap those thoughts with the memory eraser.” Emile pretended to zap himself with a ray gun. “Go on with your story.”

“Well, I still walked in my sleep even after mom died. And I lost my appetite and I lost interest in my job and all my classes. It was like I was dead. I went numb.”

“Do you know why?”

“I…” Patton clenched his fists against his knees. “I was relieved when she died, and I couldn’t handle feeling like that. Am I a terrible person?”

“That’s a normal reaction.” Emile said plainly. He said it as if it were a fact that he just knew. Like there was no doubt about its validity.

“What?” Patton looked up at him reeling from the whiplash that comment gave him.

“Your mother, someone you loved died in front of you. And you already said that it took a long time. Anyone would be relieved for that to be over. Like when they bubbled the cluster, they were relieved that the shards weren’t suffering anymore. And that’s normal. That, and the stress it was putting on you was over, and I know you think that sounds awful but it’s natural to be relieved. It doesn’t make you a bad person.”

“No?”

“No.”

Patton nestled closer to Logan. Logan hid it well, but Patton knew that he had just been vindicated and was thrilled. Patton accepted defeat contentedly and with guilt free relief.

“Logan was there the whole time.” Patton sighed. “All through it. He even got me to go to therapy.”

“Was Logan living with you at the time?” Emile asked. “There’s nothing wrong with that, Ruby and Sapphire were fused for a few thousand years before they got married. I was just wondering if he moved in to help with your mom.”

“My parents threw me out of the house after they found out I was gay.” Logan said blankly, but he was squeezing the couch arm again. His bones turned back up to say hello. “After they.” He sighed. “After they beat me severely.”

“Oh.” Emile said sadly. “I’m so sorry. Were they always like that?”

“The statistics of autistic children who are abused by their parents would break you.” Logan looked up at the ceiling.

“Yes then?”

“Yes.”

“Did you ever get help after you left your parents?”

“Yes, I’ve worked through my issues with them. And I don’t plan on letting them back into my life any time soon.”

“That’s fair.” Emile nodded. “They sound like a toxic influence.”

“I will consider forgiving them if they apologize.” Logan still looked at the ceiling. “And on no other conditions do I hold them any loyalty.”

“Well, last thing you need is your own abusive parents showing up when you’re trying to adopt.” Emile agreed. “And you shouldn’t forgive people who are going to continue to be a bad influence on your life.”

“I thought there was going to be more, I don’t know,” Logan looked back down. “More appeals for us to change our ways. Some form of judgement or a quote unquote cure.”

“Nah, you guys are good.” Emile smiled. “You can keep up therapy if you just wanna talk, but I don’t really have anything new to tell you.”

“This is it?” Logan gestured vaguely at the room.

“You’ve been on that couch before, haven’t you?”

“My parents wanted a cure. I’ve seen psychologists, psychiatrists, doctors, holistic physicians, herb peddlers, and a neurosurgeon.”

“Wow,” Emile nodded. “That is one expensive wild goose chase. How do you feel about your Asperger’s now?”

“It’s a part of who I am. It took me a long time to realize it wasn’t a horrible disease. And my parents dragging me to a new doctor every week didn’t help. They didn’t help.”

Patton put his arms around him and just hung there silently.

“Is any of this going to keep us from getting custody of Virgil?” Logan sighed.

“Well, your parents being abusive could bring up a ‘cycle of abuse’ argument, but I don’t think it’ll go anywhere. Aside from that, Asperger’s and situational depression shouldn’t stop you. Neither of you are violent or incapable of taking care of yourselves or a child. And you’ve already done a great job with Virgil so far. You’re made of love, and it’s stronger than him.”

“I wanna introduce you to our roommate sometime.” Patton said happily. “I think you’d be friends.”  

#             #             #

               The day of the barbeque rolled around and Patton, Logan and Roman were eagerly getting ready.

               “Let’s see him one-up this.” Roman said sternly, holding up a watermelon sculpture.

               The rind had been picked clean and gently sculpted into a frog with melon balls filling up his body and coming out of his mouth. Impressive was an understatement.

               “Right.” Logan sighed. “Remember what I said about competing with Brian. Leave Virgil out of it. He’s had enough pressure in his life as it is.”

               “I would never do anything to hurt our emo nightmare.” Roman was dead serious. “From now on Brian has to step to me. And anyone who wants our emo has to step to me as well.”

               “And me.” Patton clenched his fist.

               “We’re doing Lord of The Rings now?” Logan was not amused. “And me.”

               With that said a loud thud came from upstairs. All three of them had the same thought and ran upstairs. Reaching the door first, Logan knocked. But Patton had different ideas and burst into the room like a firefighter. Virgil was pulling himself off the floor with his jeans tangled up around his ankles and his cast shoved through one of the holes in the knee. The shock of Patton and Co’s sudden arrival knocked him back down.

               “Can I help you?” Virgil asked flatly, pulling his t-shirt down over his boxers.

               “Sorry,” Patton backed out of the room quickly. “We heard you fall and wanted to make sure you were ok.”

               “I’m ok. My stupid cast got stuck is all.”

               “Do you need help?”

               “Nope, I’m good.”

               “Ok, we’re ready as soon as you are.”

               “Cool, just let me get my pants on.”

               “Ok.” Patton closed the door and turned to the other two. “Am I a helicopter parent?”

               “No, I don’t think so.” Logan squinted as he thought. “Just be sure of boundaries. Don’t make a habit of bursting into his room. That is his space, and we want him to know we won’t violate it.”

               “And I want you to know that it isn’t soundproof.” Virgil opened the door and walked out, smiling at his own joke.

                                                                               #             #             #  

               Patton had his arm around Virgil the entire walk over. Admittedly, Virgil was happy both for the attention and the extra help walking. He wasn’t quite used to this walking cast, and he was still upset that he couldn’t keep the painted one. Sure, it smelled like an old band aid that crawled out of a sewer full of dead possums, but it was still cool on the outside. Maybe they could paint this one.

               Patton led him over to the food table and gingerly set down a tray of peanut blossoms. He pulled two off the plate with a flourish, handed one to Virgil and kept the other.

               “Clinkies.” He beamed, holding his cookie to Virgil’s.

               “Clinkies.” Virgil agreed, tapping the cookies together and shoving his entire cookie in his mouth.

               Roman set his melon frog down on the table and whispered to it.

               “Ok melon frog, this is what you trained for. This is your time. You don’t be scared. I trained you better than that. I love you, melon frog.”

               “You two need a moment alone?” Virgil smiled.

               “No.” Roman turned quickly, holding his forearm to his forehead. “it’s better this way. Long goodbyes would only make me weep.”

               “Dude, extra is a word they made up just so they could describe you.”

               “It is.” Roman ruffled his hair. Were they all just going to do that from now on?

               “Jenna!” Patton yipped, holding out his arms.

               A short woman with blond hair that showed dark brown at the roots ran over and hugged him. Two Italian grey hounds were at her heels keeping up surprisingly well. Virgil lost all interest in people and sat down to play with the dogs. They immediately started licking him and climbing him for food.

               “Where were you, beech?” Jenna asked. “I haven’t seen you in forever.”

               “Family stuff.” Patton smiled and tiled his head towards Virgil. He turned his attention. “Virgil, this is our friend Jenna.”

               “Hi, I love your dogs.” Virgil chirped, strangely comforted by the mini dogs who were stomping the hell out of his every lower extremity.

               In response the grey dog started whining as if he were being tortured.

               “I didn’t do anything!” Virgil panicked.

               “Kermit, shut up.” Jenna scolded her dog, “He just does that.” She dismissed.

               Patton looked around with a look of concerned horror.

               “No Marble?” He said fearfully.

               “What? Beech am I mourning?” Jenna pointed to herself. “No, Marble is inside. He didn’t want to come out and mingle.”

               “What’s this one’s name?” Virgil asked, giving the tan doggo vigorous scratches as she wagged her tail at a mile a minute.

               “That one’s Peach-y girl.” Jenna baby talked at the dog, who somehow wagged her tail faster.

               Peach bolted off his lap, ran in a wide, happy circle and trampled back onto him.

               “So, how do you like the neighborhood so far?” Jenna asked.

               “It’s nice.” Virgil moved his head to keep Peach from licking the inside of his mouth. “I haven’t met too many people though.”

               “Well.” She gestured at the crowded yard. “That’s gonna change.”

               Jenna darted off to greet more guests and the dogs followed her. Darn. Virgil looked around tensely. There were a lot of people. Did they know? Were they going to bring it up? Were they going to ask? Were they going to take sides? Whose side would they be on?

               Slowly it became reality that he couldn’t just sit here until someone needed a prop and then just go back to his seat. What was he supposed to do? How did people act at things like this? He’d never been to anything so casual. Was he supposed to play with the other kids? Talk to the adults? Eat? Was he supposed to eat? Was it time to eat? Where were the dogs? Where was Patton? Where was he?

               “Ok kiddo,” Patton, it was really Patton, he was back. “Jenna and Julian are vegans, so there’s a lot of vegetables. But they’re good. Both of them are awesome cooks.”

               Patton set a paper plate full of food on his lap and sat down next to him.

               “She didn’t say she was a vegan while I was talking to her.” Virgil looked for Jenna in the crowd.

               “They’re not preachy about it.”

               “Cool.”

               “And plenty of other people brought meat.”

               Virgil took a bite of what he thought was pulled pork and spit it out immediately.

               “Is this?” He rubbed the seasoning off and saw that it was yellow. “This is a banana peel!”

               “What?” Patton took a taste and grimaced. “That is! Barbra must have brought it.”

               “Is she a raccoon?”

               “Wait here.” Patton stood up and walked over to the ‘pulled pork’ dish.

               He looked around and quickly set the dish on the grass. He made a few beckoning gestures and a mastiff ran at him and started inhaling the banana abomination. He pet the bear sized creature contentedly and strolled back to their spot.

               Having run out of food, Bear Dog lumbered over to them. Virgil tried to react in time but before he could, Bear Dog had his entire plate in its mouth. Plate and all, it ate everything.

               “Countess, no.” Patton ordered. “That wasn’t for you!”

               Countess smacked her lips and started licking Virgil’s face. He silently accepted that he would die by dog smothering and decided that was indeed how he wanted to go.

               “No.” Logan showed up out of nowhere and tried to nervously shoo the dog away. “No, shoo. Get away from him.”

               “I’m ok Uncle Logan.” Virgil wrapped his arms around the dog’s neck.

               Logan stared anxiously. His every muscle was tensed at the dog’s presence.

               So, Uncle Logan is afraid of dogs. I wonder why.

               “OK friend.” Virgil ruffled the dog’s fur. “Go play with someone else! Go play!”

               Countess zoomed away, no doubt measuring on the Richter scale. She would cause tidal waves in her wake. Tidal waves of drool.

               “I’ll get you a new plate.” Patton pushed himself off the ground. He paused and suddenly lit up. “Dodie!” He waved happily in someone’s direction. “Come meet the baby!”

               “Does he mean me?” Virgil looked to Logan for help.

               “I believe you’re about to experience an equivalent to women passing a newborn around for everyone to hold.” Logan raised an eyebrow. “Patton is very excited.”

               Patton scampered over with the tiniest morsel of a woman. This girl, who Virgil assumed was an adult had long brown hair and a young face. She could probably fit in a backpack.

               “This is Virgil.” Patton gestured eagerly. “Virgil, this is our friend, Dodie.”

               “Hello.” She chirped with an equally tiny voice nestled in an English accent.

               “Hi.” Virgil looked between the three adults.

               “I trust you’re adjusting to all the Patton hugs?” Dodie smiled. “It’s sometimes hard if you don’t like cuddles.”

               “I’m getting used to it.” Virgil smiled back. There was no way she’d hurt him, right?

               “Who doesn’t like cuddles?” Patton asked in surprise. “Cuddles are the best!”

               Dodie and Logan both laughed.

               “Virgil, they’re laughing at me.” Patton protested. “They’re making fun of my Patton-ted hugs.”

               “Did you just make a pun with your name?” Logan sighed.

               “Yeppers. You deserve a Patton the back for guessing that one.”

               “This is what my life has become.” Logan rubbed his temples.

               “Your name is a pun, Logan.” Patton put a hand on his shoulder.

               “Falsehood.” Logan snapped quickly.

               “It’s true honey, your name is Logan Berry. Like loganberries.”

               “I may scream.”

               “But can’t.” Patton added. “Your volume is too low-gun.”

               “You’re dead to me.”

               “I love you.” Patton wrapped his arms around him.

               Logan sighed and grabbed one of Patton’s hands.

               “Why are you like this?” Logan looked back at him.

               “God owed me a favor.” Patton pressed his cheek to Logan’s.

               Virgil couldn’t help but laugh at that. The sheer amount of confidence in that phrase was a power move for the ages. No one could top that.

               “You call yourself a catholic.” Logan said harshly.

               “No, I call myself Patton.”  

               “That one’s on me.”

               “Uncle Patton never said he was catholic.” Virgil looked up at them.

               Could this be it? The explanation. Could a stern religious upbringing have warped his father into a cruel person? And could that same life have also turned Patton into a soft puppy dog of a person?

               “Yeah, we were raised catholic.” Patton shrugged. “But mom was never too strict with it. She even ended up getting divorced, so, I guess we weren’t that religious. We didn’t even eat fish that often.”

               Virgil deflated. The explanation that he wanted, that he needed. The explanation that he deserved! Once again, it had slipped through his fingers. He saw red for a second. What made a monster? What made his father? Had a loving, supportive home really churned out that bastard? What the hell happened? It didn’t fit!

               He looked up at his uncles. Logan had come from the sort of home that Payton described to his voters, and he was a stand-up guy. Happily married despite his homophobic parents and willing to pull some strange kid off the streets and let him live in his house. And all in all, Logan would be a great dad. Were Logan and Payton just products of their environments in a different way? Did each of them just choose to defy their own upbringing? What made Payton decide to turn the other way? Hell, for that matter what made Logan?

               “Virgil, we can get you a chair if you don’t want to sit on the grass.” Logan shattered his concentration.

               “I’m good.” Virgil answered once the shock wore off.

               This! This is exactly what I am talking about!

               “Here you go.” Patton put another paper plate in his hands and kissed him on the forehead. “And this is for you, not the puppers.”

               “I tried to keep it away from her.” Virgil took the plate. “She was just too fast.”

               “I know.” Patton ruffled his hair. “Once you’ve eaten why don’t you go introduce yourself to the other kiddos? Maybe you can make some friends.”

               “Sure.” Virgil shoved an entire brownie in his mouth. For some ungodly reason it was spicy.

               Now beginning to think that no one in this cul-de-sac could cook, and not wanting to look rude Virgil swallowed the brownie. His eyes watered and his mouth tasted like a used napkin from an Italian restaurant. He ran his tongue across his teeth and found what was left of dried leaves stuck to his gums. He spat them out on the grass.

               Virgil glanced up at Patton, who also had a brownie. Maybe it was just him, maybe he just didn’t like sweets. He observed Patton intensely. Patton took a bite out of his pastry and a look of confused disappointment swept over his face. He reluctantly swallowed and set the remaining brownie on the grass.

               “I think someone put oregano in those.” Patton coughed.

               “Barbra again?” Logan questioned.

               “No, she doesn’t use sugar.” Patton rubbed his chin. “Let’s search out the culprit.”

               “Sure, why not?” Logan shrugged.

               “Ok, Virgil, if you need us, we’ll be nearby.” Patton patted him on the head.

               “I didn’t think you were gonna abandon me.”

               “Ok, just yell for us or Roman if you need us.”

               “Cool.” Virgil chanced a corncob. Surely plain vegetables couldn’t surprise him.

There was a hotdog in it.

               As soon as his uncles were out of sight Virgil set his plate on the ground. The dogs could have it. Desperately confused, he lay down on his side and thought. The pork was a banana peel, the brownies were made with oregano and the corn, which he couldn’t for the life of him figure out how, had a hotdog in the center instead of a corn cob.

               “If this is weird, I swear to god…” Virgil picked up one of Roman’s watermelon balls.

               Sweet rapture, it was just watermelon. He all but wept tears of relief. And had his foot not been in a cast he would have danced.

               “So,” A disinterested voice interrupted him. “You’re the new kid.”

               Virgil looked up and saw the single coolest person in the known universe. There before him was a man of about thirteen clad in baggy jeans that were held up by one belt and adorned with two more. A chain hung from one belt that trailed down into his pocket. He wore a legion of black rubber and leather bracelets that accented his MSI t-shirt. His judgmental look was emphasized by two eyebrow piercings and three small hoop earrings in his ear cartilage. He tilted his head to show off the half-shaved half long look his dyed grey hair had been styled in. It was notably uneven, he must have done it himself. What a legend.

               “Maybe.” Virgil tried to play it cool as he wiped watermelon juice off his chin. “I’m new here, but in other places I’ve live many lifetimes.”

               “Cool.” The legend accepted him. This was a glorious day. “My dad wanted me to introduce myself to you.”

               Man, doesn’t that just figure? I should’ve known that this icon wouldn’t just talk to me for the hell of it.

               “Cool, I’m Virgil.” He tried to sound like he wasn’t drooling over this guy’s look. “I’m named after hell’s tour guide.”

               “I’m Lucian.” He bested him with a way cooler name. “So, you’re living with Patton and Logan?”

               Wait, I can just call adults by their first names?

               “Yeah, they’re cool.”

               I think.

               Lucian scoffed. Evidently Patton and Logan weren’t cool. Virgil looked around a single idea was creeping up on him. And that was the idea that this dude may be here to torture him. He looked around for Patton, maybe he was within earshot. But if he yelled for Patton he’d be ‘that kid’ and so far, that was one of the few things he hadn’t been yet.

               No, mostly he was just that idiot who still wet the bed, and wasn’t that so fucking funny? He had also had a few panic attacks, one on stage. There weren’t many people in his corner.

               “Anyway…” Virgil said awkwardly, still trying to gauge if this guy wanted to attack him or not. “Are there any other cool guys here or is it just you?”

               “I’m pretty much the only cool guy in the neighborhood. And, like the only other dude.”

               At that Virgil looked around the yard. Lucian was right, most of the people had daughters. From the looks of things, they were they only guys there. Another observation was that a lot of the parents seemed to be single. That or they were all in gay relationships like his uncles were. Was this a gay community? A gay-borhood?

               “Wanna see my scars?” Virgil offered blankly.

               “Sure.” Lucian seemed taken aback.

               Virgil’s hands weren’t in as bad shape as before. But they were still messed up. The skin had stiffened up, making it difficult to open and close his hands still. And his palms currently looked like melted plastic with massive blisters jutting up out of them. He had band aids on both thumbs and his left index finger to cover up the missing nails. And finally, there was a very faint ribbing pattern in the center of his palms. Left over from the desk lamp he had tried to bust his window with.

               Lucian stared at his hands with a dismayed look of revolution and terror.

               “Geeze dude.” He gagged. “How long were you trapped in there?”

               “I don’t know. I left my stopwatch behind.” Virgil shrugged.

               Lucian gave a respectful scoff at the joke.

               “So, do a lot of people know about the…” Virgil struggled to do air quotes. “Fire?”

               “Yeah, my dad told me. Then he told me not to bring it up. I mean, like, why tell me if I have to act like I don’t know?”

               Virgil chewed on one of his bandages, he was debating running away from this conversation. The god of coolness knew that he used to be his dad’s punching bag and that wasn’t exactly ideal. He’d prefer for that not to have happened. Fight or flight was kicking in, but he couldn’t exactly fight a topic.

               “Whatever.” He tried to play it off. “So, do you go to school nearby?”

               “Yeah.”

               Ok, let’s try something that will get me a better answer.

               “Did you eat any of the food yet?”

               “No.”

               “Ok, because it’s all not what it’s supposed to be.”

               “What’s that supposed to mean?” Lucian squinted.

               “It means I ate corn of the cob and found a hotdog in it.” Virgil held up the offending vegetable as proof. “Exhibit A.”

               “What the fuck?” Lucian snatched it away and looked at it closely. “What the hell? There’s a hot dog in here! How? Why? The fuck?”

               “I know right? And there was pulled pork that turned out to be a banana peel, and someone made brownies with oregano in them.”

               “Geeze, these cookouts get weirder every time.” Lucian sneered.

               “Do you have a lot of these around here?”

               “Sure, Jenna and Julian love to do weird things like this. And Brain is always ready to show off. And my dad likes to throw dinner parties.” He made a face and did air quotes. “Like the Victorians.”

               “Well, I guess I have to socialize now.” Virgil sighed.

               Speaking of that particular hell, Roman emerged out of nowhere with a tall, dark woman in tow. Roman’s friend had waist length hair that flowed down her back like liquid ebony and walked with an air of confidence that almost rivaled him.

               “Hi Virgil.” Roman greeted happily. “I see you’ve met Lucian.”

               “I have.” Virgil nodded. In his past life this would be the point where he was forbidden to talk to this guy under whatever pretext.

               “That’s nice. We all figured you two would get along.” Roman beamed and gestured towards his guest. “This is our friend Lily.”

               “What’s up?” Lily asked excitedly.

               “Uhh… we were talking about food?” Virgil looked at the grass, intimidated by this massive presence.

               “You shouldn’t talk about the food behind its back like that.” Lily answered. “You have to insult it to its face.”

               Virgil looked at Roman for help. Roman just smiled at him. But Lily saw him and laughed.

               “I’m just teasing.” She waved a hand dismissively. “I’m just here to observe how deep Patton and Logan’s betrayal runs.”

               “What?” Virgil sunk into himself.

               “Now that they’re adopting, every single person and childless couple is gonna get twice the flack about…” She did a higher voice. “Settling down and starting a family.” She returned to her normal voice. “When ya girl wants to do that, she will. And it is none of your business. I’m a brown woman, so I already get nagged about that by my family. I don’t need my neighbors to start.”

               “Yes mam.” Virgil uttered in awestruck terror.

               “Anyway.” She ruffled his hair, like Patton had done hundreds of times already. “It was nice meeting you. I won’t cramp your style anymore.”

               With that she left, and Virgil was convinced he had just met the god of yore or some other deity.

               “She’s fun, isn’t she?” Roman smiled.

               “Yeah.”

               “Well, I came over to make sure Barbra doesn’t get a chance to talk to you.” He continued. “She probably wishes you were dead as well.”

               “I’ll keep Karen away from him.” Lucian said disinterestedly.

               “Good. Don’t even let her look over here.” Roman said backing away.

               Roman tripped over a sprinkler but recovered himself with surprising grace and walked away. As he left a new figure emerged. A dude roughly the same age as them wearing an orange hoodie with the hood up. The hood half concealed dark curly hair and cast a shadow on his sort of mustache that he was trying to grow. You know the kind, it’s like six hairs and they’re all different lengths.

               “My dad told me to introduce myself to you.” Hood man sneered at him.

               I wonder if anyone can talk to me without being told first. But I’m two for two in pity friends.

               “Cool.” Virgil said blankly. “I’m Virgil.”

               “I’m Ernest.” Hood man returned.

               Virgil tried to think of anything he would have in common with people his own age. And unless these two were chess club members, which they obviously weren’t because they weren’t losers, he was going to come up short. His dad was in prison and he was still screwing him over. He really was all powerful.

               “Did either of you eat any of the brownies?” Ernest asked in a hushed voice.

               “Yeah, there was oregano in them for some ungodly reason.” Virgil answered.

               “What?” Ernest looked confused. “They’re pot brownies, they’re not made with Italian spices.”  

               “I don’t feel high.” Virgil shrugged. “You sure you didn’t get ripped off?”

               “Lucian.” Ernest glared daggers at their third member. “What did you sell me?”

               “Oregano leaves.” Lucian scoffed. “And apparently that’s a good thing, because you were planning on drugging the entire neighborhood!”

               “You scammed me! I want my ten bucks back!”

               “No way! You paid me ten bucks to learn a valuable lesson.”

               Virgil pulled the draw strings on his hoodie and started chewing on them.

               “What lesson?!”

               “Not to be an idiot! What would have happened if one of the little kids ate your roofied crap?”

               “Weed is less unhealthy than chocolate!”

               “Not if you don’t know you’re getting high! What if someone gave River a brownie?! You would have drugged a baby!”

               “So, you just threw whole ass leaves in some brownie mix?” Virgil interrupted. “And what, hoped that no one would notice?”

               “What?” Lucian walked over to the table and came back with a brownie. “You idiot! You’re supposed to make it into butter first!”

               “How the hell was I supposed to know that!” Ernest threw his hands up. “I can’t just google how to make pot brownies!”

               Virgil limped over to the table and came back with a lemonade. He drank it contentedly as the scene unfolded.

               “What if someone ate one of them and went in the pool you jackass?!”

               “You can’t swim after eating! No one would have!”

               “Ok, but they were whole leaves.” Virgil said probably to himself. “Even if it was real drugs anyone would have just spat them out after one bite.”  

               “You can’t just drug people! You’re describing the thought process of a rapist!” Lucian crescendo-ed.

               “Ok. I’m calling my dog over, so your head explodes.” Ernest said sternly.

               “Careful not to drug her!”  

               Virgil left and came back with a plate of chips. The argument was going great. Clearly Lucian was winning, but Ernest whistled, and bear dog came bounding over. Bear dog gave Lucian a quick lick on the hand before he could react and then she went for Virgil’s chips.

               “This isn’t over you dick.” Lucian said before storming off.

               Ernest stood victorious. Bear dog ate Virgil’s entire plate, plate and all.

               “The brownie thing was stupid though.” Virgil commented, petting the massive dog. “Like, that was poorly planned at best.”

               “I know that now.” Ernest rolled his eyes. “But it’ll be a cold day in hell before I admit that to Lucian.”

               “I admire your resolve.”

               Virgil counted that event as a success. No one died, nothing caught on fire and no one got arrested. He even made a couple of friends. Granted they were pity friends, but he would take what he could get. And they made hamburgers towards the end that didn’t have any weird stuff in them. Great success.  

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

“Why” tags are going here because Tumblr’s a baby who can’t handle all these words at once. :P

Why:

#but i spent my whole life absolutely CONVINCED that wings belonged on my body. it just... tok me a good long while to figure out Why.

#Oh THAT'S why everyone's freaking out over that post.

#at first I was like ''Wow this is Srentha to the core!'' And then I read ''why this unreasonable answer at the sight

#honestly this is why i'm basically addicted to empty-mind meditation?

#??? why do people do these awful things to Good People though

#i don't know how or why and i don't remember ever having Learned about That Letter? but my mind automatically knew it was 'hath' somehow

#Of course that DOES beg the question of why a LORd of CHAOS doesn't... you know. CHANGE it? ??

#first of all: REM WHY ARE YOU COMING to OHIO of all places???

#okay but. randy how did they MEET what's the STORY why are they HATING on TEXAS

#or like. a Sarcastic Joke because cyborg was once like ''why aren't you miss mary sunshine''?

#''What are you DOING. You RUN. ALWAYS RUN.'' and i was like. ''why bother getting into adventures if you're gonna RUN though..''

#I don't know why but I always score better on Customer Service Questionaires when I choose responses like ''I'm sorry

#i've never seen that still before and I CAN;T FATHOM WHY because that is FANTASTIC!

#I don't know why but ''novice suddenly ends up with super incredibly powerful abilities'' is one of my FAVORITE TROPES!

#I have no idea how/why but these just gave me Massive Leyla and Srentha Feels.

#my usual turnaround time for Dreams to Real Life is about two weeks. not sure why but it happens to like 7 people in my immediate family

#Especially with the bells. I don't know why but bells always remind me of that place. ~<3

#Nobody intrinsically knows how to solve problems that hurt another person. That's why COMMUNICATION is so important!

#also: Good Post re: Why Danny is So Actually-Great

#why does everyone spell ''bear with me' like that?

#i know right? Why did I never think of that??

#why do i love this so much

#that's basically why Evanescence became my favorite band. it's not all romo-/sexually-centric

#i've always read it the same way and didn't notice Why Everyone Stopped Liking Her but that also brought that particular Change to light...

#groans eternally in Tumblr's direction. why even bother with all these updates.

#Oh THAT'S why Eda could do glyphs! /joke

#thaaaat's probably why Fancie Word Choice has always been a strength in my writing.... {lD;;;;;

#velvet and sheer... why have I never seen that combination before? It's GLORIOUS

#That's probably why he's so good at spontaneous Travelling too. Lots of practice when trying to find her... /owo

#This is why House and Senate votes count though! The President may have a lot of control over the military but a strong H+S

#I know MC Escher was a master of this (whatever This is) and that's why he's one of my favorite artists.

#okay but I'm intensely curious why he didn't have a plan to take HIMSELF out and thought he'd have to rely on THEM dsfndsgmfhdgj

#I wonder why he'd need to attack/defend while shifted? Can he also use such magic when he's not shifted?

#but I think that variety is why her every new album is so refreshingly Different.  Her singing ALONE improves so MUCH with every album!

#the only difference is that I imagined the fire came with smoke and that's why her gasp was so strangled and she grabbed her throa

#honestly this is why i'm basically addicted to empty-mind meditation?

#i'm cleaning my room and i misplaced it. badfnmkngjf;lk this is why i hate cleaning

#but scenes like this are why i love DC's latest gen of animated movies

#that Friends As Family theme was super important to why i love the 80's comics too..........

#this is why i read fanfic

#i think she feels slighted in some way but i can't pinpoint Exactly Why let alone HOW.

#and it's like.. Halfo f why lapis's characterization is so Shaky for me? Because the girl barely talks??? And she has like 7 Speech Modes

#^^^^ GUYS THIS WAS ALERINA. This is the environment Dove was raised in! This is why losing her mother tore her apart! ^^^^^

#This is so so SO important and delves deeply into why language is so important for learners and general humanity alike. ~<333

#that's why my tag for Old People Stories isn't specific to any generation. it's just Shitty Adults Being Shitty

#I write primarily about OCs and I know that's why my readership is so low. I write stories for a Dead Fandom that has declined sharply.

#you know? so that's why my Affirmations Tag is like 60% Steven UniversE Content at this point. 8F It's Helping Me Learn!

#It's a CIRCADIAN THING not an INSOMNIA THING. I don't know why my doctors don't believe it's NOT the same as INSOMNIA

#oh is THAT why my love language is ''all of them''?

#and i hardcore headcanon ry ouwearing glasses when he gets older. so why not?

#i Suck at the aCTUAL DRAWING art but i'm i na bit of a fallow period with the org and personal life. so why not?

#i'm already planning an aviary for the doves. so why not? (they'd be Very Separate from teh raven though. for obvious reasons)

#let's add to the Emotional Whiplash of Today pile. sure! why not!!

#but i got the dvd and i have vlc so why not use them i guess? i already had it in the drive for the extras and this way there's .....

#She can hop dimensions so why on Earth-- ALL the Earths-- hasn't she Been Relevant to ANY multi-timeline crisis yet???

#yes of fucking COURSE Dove and the rest are in Team Transition too!! Why on Earth-- on ANY earth! wouldn't I transition them too?!

#so why on earth did danny chase get shafted so hard?????

#about WHY or if she's GONNA be OKAY or HOW or--

#So gentle and soft and concerned and really quite quiet and subtle... which might be why others didn't pick up on the Love Vibe

#but the last one I reblogged didn't have that specified! 8O i don't know why one of my special interests is Unusual Instruments

#why WOULDN'T you snog a snitch if it could bring your dead loved ones back though? Why on Earth WOULDN'T you???

#but it's about ''they're very different. but they're friends!'' It just never talks about why or how that's important.

#(i think that's her full name for some reason but i don't know why or when i heard/saw it. somebody please correct me if i'm wrong!)

#I must be an Asker. I've never understood why people are so convinced they Can't Say No if someone asks?

#i also think PTSD makes you react to fear Differently from Pure Adrenaline Responses... but i can't unravel Why right now

#And also at the time I couldn't fathom why someone would think she was autistic. because i didn't know myself

#god this foreshadowing was just. so sincere and heart-rending and when this episode came out I *DID* wonder why she'd say that...

#I'm STILL trying to figure out why Srentha thought Dove was confessing that she has heartworm. (i know she Does Not in fact

#at first I was like ''Wow this is Srentha to the core!'' And then I read ''why this unreasonable answer at the sight

#i can't figure out why though

#If my Harmony Core theory is correct: it would explain why they're playing their music So Hard.

#the fact that my first reaction was ''why though'' is..... concerning?

#raven's like How? Why The HELL. and dove doesn't have a good answer besides ''it felt like i needed it.''

#fun fact: i misread this as ''zatana zatara / MICHIGAN '' and i was like... ''why the fUCK--''

#i don't know why there's all this fanart of

#and also sugar skulls are delightful but you should really know what they MEAN and REPRESENT and WHY they're sweet and flamboyant

#if someone is passionate; angry; or distressed over a topic: She doesn't always understand WHY until they EXPLAIN it. If they do at all.)

#oh hey why was THAT line never a meme

#this is why we need

#but that doesn't make it any less FRUSTRATING because I've been wORKING THROUGH the pptsd and why won't it STOP?

#(because that's why we have to pay for everything from movies to individual channels now. let's be real)

#i've never understood why winter and fall were the only ~fashionable~ seasons for wearing black.

#I mean to be FAIR some of the government DID mobilize and that's why we got the Stimulus Bill.

#But DC... this bullshit is why we can't have nice things

#and as soon as I looked it up: y first thought was ''Oh is that why we call them Abner?'' My second was ''Is that what *I* am?''

#also if you're as powerful as zee it probably comes second-nature so why WOULDN'T you throw it around to stop an argument?

#okay but if SPINEL doesn't know then how/why would BLUE know

#what? no i didn't just stare at this for a solid two minutes and read it over five times. no.. why would I do that?

#that's because it's not ''cool'' to hate on it so why would it be ''cool'' to like it ironically?

#why WOULDN'T you snog a snitch if it could bring your dead loved ones back though? Why on Earth WOULDN'T you???

#but it's not like a ragey angry thing. it's like........ war of attrition? why yes i think i WILL sign the 47th petition for the same thing

#over and over again and rewound and replayed until i got the whole spell written down. why YES I'm a little hyperfixated! why do you ask!!!

[kyurilin]

2010-2019 Or The Overly Non Dramatic Story of How Kyuri's Decade Went

Technically this isn't a part of this decade review but I'm posting this on December 24th specifically because 10 years ago today I spoke to @mist-over-water on the phone for the first time after having known her for three years and I'm pretty sure we both cried

2010

met @mist-over-water for the first time in person. Took her to the beach where she promptly got roasted by the sun. Took her to the mountains. Took her out to practice driving in a local high school parking lot because why not. I cried so hard when she had to go home and God help me I'd only known her four years at that point.

Flunked a math class for the first time. Funny enough, it was because I'd been put in the advanced math courses for years and that was the year I both had a teacher I hated and could no longer reasonably fake my way through understanding math. Don't put your kids in advanced courses unless you're certain they can keep up with it people I only really was an advanced reader.

My dog Scruffy passed away :(

Started my senior year of high school

2011

Managed to graduate high school on time despite having to take 2 whole math courses during senior year (and with @mist-over-water 's who will now be referred to as Gabby because simplicity buddies sending me 'GRADUATE' messages so I'd have the motivation to go see her in person)

Got to go to England to see Gabby which, dream come true. Had a blast. Met the two precious nieces she had, her brother who's accent I couldn't understand, her mom who is one of the sweetest people, and her grandparents who I got to watch a lot of old British gameshows with.

Saw Wicked from second row seats in London.

Saw Cars 2 three times with Gabby which is why I'm still emotionally invested in Cars 2 because boy getting to see the sequel movie to the movie that ended up allowing you to cross paths with someone you really clicked with is AN. EXPERIENCE.

Cried when I finally had to leave because I was 18 and terrified of the future and didn't know when or if I'd ever see my friend in person again.

Started at community college in the film and video program

2012

Finished my first year of community college

Wrote my first original novel that will honestly never see the light of day. It's terrible ya'll

Through circumstances I still regret started losing my friendship with Gabby and boy do I hate who I was a person during that time

Started my second year of community college

2013

Worked on the X Factor as a production assistant.

Probably around this time that Gabby and I stopped talking which was better for us at that point. Still took an emotional toll to lose a friend that I'd known for 7 years at that point but in the long run we did need the distance (and I'm sorry to throw it all out here like this Gabby if you want it edited tell me I'm just putting it all out lmao)

Through a cosmic aligning of the universe by which I mean a special interest in both Minecraft and Achievement Hunter at the same time, I found a small Minecraft server that I could play on and met some really great people

Started my third year of community college

Oh yeah met @inspector-starfish from the Minecraft server for the first time in person, me and my brother stole her from her college and took her to the state fair with us.

2014

Started easing into talking to Gabby again (I remember the message with new baby Imogen!!!) Which was a blessing

I can't remember if it was 2014 or 2015 but at some point Gabby also hung out with me on the Minecraft server with my other buddies

Worked on Catfish as a Production Assistant for like 2 days and I still think I was fired lmao

My dad was arrested. Which is... The hardest thing to type out. Because everything before 2014 feels so distant because of the events.

He got put in jail and we bailed him out, but a month later he got arrested again and we couldn't bail him out this time.

God help me I'm so glad I had gotten back to talking to Gabby at this point I vaguely remember a sobbing Skype call between us.

I don't even remember what classes I was in at community college anymore that's how bad it is.

I basically dropped out though.

I stopped writing, I stopped drawing, I stopped... Being. That's really what it narrows down to. Only one of my real life friends knew what happened and I broke down everytime I thought about it so i'm pretty sure at one point I had a panic attack on my way to hang out with Friend A, who knew, and Friend B, who didn't.

I did start talking to @rhysispiecess that year. Through a post on here actually (we were also on the same Minecraft server but because I didn't really play that much that I remember after this whole thing I kinda forgot who he was).

I think (maybe???) I also met @belle-sourires and @youllthinkofsomething that year.

We moved from the house we'd lived in 13 years to a little rental house where we had the sweetest neighbors

2015

I spent a lot of time reading and crying in 2015 lmao

Also spent a lot of time talking to @rhysispiecess (the FNAF AU years God bless them for being a much needed distraction from real life)

Dad went to actual prison and boy that's an experience having to visit him there every week

We moved again this time to a small apartment

Got my first real job that wasn't being a production assistant (the same job I still have!)

Started to make actual attempts at writing again but struggled with it a lot

2016

For the first time since 2014 I actually wrote more than a simple one off story of the course of a month

Saved up my money and went to California to meet @rhysispiecess and @27thousandlizards.

Confused the shit out of Luke's (@27thousandlizards ) grandma

Was so tired I cried when I saw how little Corgi puppies are

Got to see @inspector-starfish and @youllthinkofsomething in San Diego where they were doing a robot thing as usual

Got to see the end bit of Route 66 cause wouldn't you know Rhys lives right near it (and as a huge Cars fan oh my God FATE)

Had an absolute blast with both Rhys and Luke and cried when I had to leave them because boy do I love friends

2017

Cars 3 came out and I transcended to a higher plane of being

Okay not really but I'm sure ya'll remember the days where I was mostly a Cars blog

100% I know I've said this before but all of the Cars movies have hit with specific messages at exactly the point in my life I needed to hear those messages so like. Poetic cinema.

Made some fantastic friends from those days

After 11 years of attempts at writing a redemption arc for a certain Cars character I finally wrote one and IT WAS GREAT

Cars 3 also managed to make me write again which has continued to be a struggle since 2014

Oh yeah became single again I was in a relationship but that ended TIME FOR ALONE (learned I'm still a terrible person who doesn't handle relationships well so hey not bad I'll leave people out of my overly anxious 'they must hate me' mentality)

2018

Fell out of writing again after the Cars 3 hype died down enough lmao

Got to meet @whipplefilter and @the-kings-tail-fin for a road trip around NC which was fantastic

Played way too much Nintendo Switch

Gabby got engaged and I absolutely cried for like an hour because how the fuck do you not cry when someone you've known for so long gets engaged (I'm still so happy for her @onetruejonsey seems like a really wonderful guy)

Oh yeah we moved again we have a real house now but the neighbors are redneck assholes

2019

Thanks to FNAF Help Wanted, I got whiplashed back into that fandom BUT I did start writing pretty regularly again. In fact I've written more this year than all the years since I stopped COMBINED. Which means I was both in the right headspace to actually want to write again as well as being able to keep myself focused on it.

Met Jodie Benson (ARIEL!!!!!!), Daniel Logan (KID BOBA FETT) and Christopher Sabat at GalaxyCon. Right. I went to my first convention despite being terrified of it

I cried like a bitch meeting Jodie Benson and she hugged me. I told Daniel Logan I'd had a crush on him as a kid and that Attack of the Clones was still my favorite Star Wars (which it is I wasn't lying) and he hugged me. Got to hear Sean Schemmel call Christopher Sabat out for being so friendly that his line was ridiculous which was great because boy did I not have enough money to meet more than three people. Christopher Sabat was fantastic too.

Went to DC with my 3 closest IRL buddies I've known since like 2008 and despite some arguments none of us killed each other. Nearly destroyed my feet from all the walking though. Don't know how we'd survive a trip to Japan which they all want to do.

Started formulating my next novel idea

It's been a long decade. Really the first half feels like it happened to another person.

I want to say, more than anything, if it weren't for Gabby I never would have had the courage to meet so many of my other online friends. She flew over here to meet me when I was 17 and she was 15 going on 16. We were so young and my dad and her mom worked so hard to make sure that we could actually meet each other and I'm forever thankful for that. I went across the ocean by myself at 18, an autistic disaster of a human, and somehow I didn't panic or get lost or anything. Without those experiences I never would have had the courage to do a lot of the things I've done since.

I'm still terrified of the future though. I have no idea if I'll even save enough money to go to England to see Gabby again (and God we actually need to talk more because I feel like a terrible friend ALL I DO IS SEND GIRAFFE PHOTOS). I don't even know what I want out of life.

Here's hoping though that I can continue to have some adventures and meet more of my online buddies in the next decade!

[fancyfade]

001: dc, 002: tank/jorgan, 003: hawkgirl >:3 (kendra saunders) oo4: dc/ swtor

from this ask list (link)

001

Favorite character: All time favorite is Jaime Reyes, but lately I’ve been reading mostly Damian Wayne and Cass Cain stuff

Least Favorite character:. I guess Guy Gardner, in that he’s one of the characters who, whenever he shows up, makes me think “Oh my god, not this fucker again”. Or the joker. I have similar opinions on the joker.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

 DickBabs (OTP)

 Anissa/Grace (OTP)

 Jaime/Traci (they’re just cute together),

honorable mention to John Stewart/Hawkgirl from DCAU since that was my OTP as a kid.

 And I can actually only think of 4, unless I count any couple I have any positive feelings towards even if they’re very minute. I’m not a huge shipper in DC verse I guess.

Character I find most attractive: Probably Grace Choi, Barbara Gordon, or Talia Al Ghul

Character I would marry: I can’t marry any of the people on my attractive list, they’re already involved in my OTPs or working with the league of assassins!

Character I would be best friends with: Jaime Reyes or Cass Cain. They would both be great friends.

a random thought: Blue Beetle is one of the power houses of DC universe fight me

An unpopular opinion: I was wondering if this opinion was too unpopular but then realized that meant it probably belonged here if so: I just find Tim Drake really uninteresting.

my canon OTP: DickBabs or Anissa/Grace I cannot pick just 1

Non-canon OTP: I actually don’t think I have one… yet

most badass character: Cass Cain or Jaime Reyes.

pairing I am not a fan of: Spitfire god its just awful.

character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): there are too many to list. Cass (retconning her out of being batgirl, dark cass  saga), Barbara (magicuring her), Damian (that weird prison thing, that ian and whitewashing thing that looks awful ), Talia (whiplash between morally grey and villain ball depending on whose writing her)

favourite friendship: Jaime/Brenda/Paco they are the best.

character I want to adopt or be adopted by: I’d adopt Damian or be adopted by Jaime’s parents (Berto and Bianca), since they are some of the most well-adjusted, reasonable good parents I’ve seen in DC

002 (tank and jorgan - jorgan being a SWTOR NPC and Tank being my SWTOR republic trooper OC)

when of if I started shipping it: Some time after Tank gets the dialogue option to gently rib Jorgan.

my thoughts: They are both obviously autistic. I mean Tank is my OC so I can make her as autistic as I want. But Jorgan is too.

What makes me happy about them: that they’re both autistic :P that you can have a dynamic where the female character is more teasing of the male character (where usually it is the opposite). That there’s a dynamic where the male character isn’t super overprotective of the female character. That they like sparring 2gether and its super charming. Many things.

What makes me sad about them: 5 years they spend apart between Rise of the Emperor and Kotfe

things done in fanfic that annoys me: I havne’t read many in a very long time so I can’t remember.

things I look for in fanfic: ditto

My kinks: I never know how to answer this part.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: IDK tbh. Tank can end up with ltos of people because she has great rapport and tension with a lot of people. I know when I ran an alternate universe bounty hunter Tank, she was in a relationship with Torian and Theron (not like… canonically at the same time none of this is canonical it was just who she was a) allowed to flirt with according to the video game and b) hit it off with) Jorgan’s harder to read. I put him as BFFs w/ Dorne, but not like… romantically involved. 

My happily ever after for them: they retire and spend rest of their days just chilling or training people but not getting shot at any more or having the responsibility of the galaxy on their heads anymore. Kids: Optional but not required

003 kendra saunders

How I feel about this character: I like her. I think she’s pretty cool but not one of the characters I go out of my way to read a ton.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: no one. Sorry carter (her canon ship at least in new earth). Haven’t really seen enough of her interactions to have the non canon ship yet

My non-romantic OTP for this character: I liked her interaction with John in Justice League so far

My unpopular opinion about this character: hopefully not unpopular but: The hawkman series 4 just is terrible writing to her. Treats her like shit. She has some strong characterization tied into one arc and then once it’s over they drop it ASAP and give her character traits that seem to be mostly just “the girlfriend”

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: they should have explored more her anger and the ND stuff They also should let her kick as much ass as hawkman.

my het ship: DNA

my fem/slash ship: DNA

my OTP: DNA

my OT3: DNA

my cross over ship: DNA

my kink: DNA

a head cannon fact: I actually headcanon hawkgirl as a slightly better fighter than hawkman - because he remembers most of the memory stuff in new earth, and she remembers the spaceship skills, I headcanon that she remembers all the skills better - including fighting

004 Oh man I have no clue. DC/SWTOR have any compatible characters?

I guess one I can see:

Elara Dorne/Cass Cain They were both raised by bad guys (Elara - the imps, Cass - Cain). They both left not because someone asked them to or because they were forced to but because they realized that what they were doing/being asked to do was wrong. They’re both obviously autistic. They both don’t socialize like everyone else - Elara is very formal and precise in most of her speech and adheres to rules and regulations because a) it helps her understand what is expected of people and b) they are used to enforce doing the right thing (remembering her saying that the sith discarded any rules any time they felt like it and killed whoever they wanted). Cass is obviously a little overprotective of her friends at time (remember when she knocked Steph out to keep her out of a dangerous fight?) and seems like some people read her as intimidating because of her past or difficulty with words (Tim said he was avoiding her because of her past at first).

Even if they weren’t romantically involved, they would get along great. I think they would both be able to appreciate chilling without pretenses or putting on social conditioning you don’t have. And they’d be able to share their hobbies w/ each other. And since Elara is a soldier, she could spar Cass! Obviously not w/ Cass’s talent in hand-2-hand but w/e

[thatgirlonstage]

Hi, idk if you've watched season 7 yet, but as the originator of the "Sam Holt and the Galaxy Garrison are Evil" theory, how do you feel about the way they were portrayed?

[Sam Holt Is Evil theory]

Oh, I’ve seen Season 7 all right. I watched it the day it dropped. It’s WHY I’ve been on a Voltron hiatus.

Fair warning: this post is long, and I’m wearing an analysis hat, not my “here to have a good time” hat. It’s not wank per se, but, uh. I haven’t thought the writing in Voltron is the BEST lately, so it’s not really favorable analysis.

Let me be clear that I knew full well in S5 that the Sam Holt Is Evil theory was dead, I wasn’t still waiting for a reveal or anything like that. I was not judging the S7 Garrison against my theory. That said… I still like my idea better.

The strength of the evil!Sam theory always rested on two things: 1. the fact that Sam was, without explanation, getting deliberately less attention than Matt in Pidge’s quest to find her family, and 2. the way it would lead into the narratively inevitable attack on Earth. For the first point, I think we can now conclude that the creators knew they wanted to use him as a bargaining chip against Pidge/the Voltron team, so they simply shunted him aside until he became useful to the plot. In the end, it was just lazy writing. The second point is a little bit harder to discuss directly, because I came up with the possibility of evil!Sam way back before S3 had even aired. Obviously, a lot has changed - suddenly pulling a “the Garrison was evil the whole time!!!!” in S7 would have been major whiplash and totally unjustified. But the reason I say I still like my idea better, is because we could have built towards the conflict on Earth more smoothly and with more rising tension if we used Sam as a nexus. We could even have still sprung “Earth is in danger” as a surprise on the Paladins, using Sam/the Galra/the Garrison’s perspective to inform the audience of what’s happening while keeping the Paladins oblivious and us biting our fingernails in anxiety as a result (unless the goal was that the attack on Earth would be a surprise for the audience too, but… anyone with a lick of sense for foreshadowing could see an eventual “Earth is in danger” plot coming from S1 and certainly from the end of S6, plus they aired Sam’s distress message in the trailer, so they shot themselves in the foot pretty thoroughly from the word go if that was the idea).

Except for Sam, we didn’t go into S7 with any investment in any of the Garrison characters, so suddenly cutting to two whole episodes with ONLY them made the whole thing drag. Plus, we knew where it ended up, so those episodes just felt like the story ground to a halt for forty minutes. Sam didn’t really develop or change at all, and except for Veronica all of the new characters were pretty much just 2D cutouts. They were given a trait - the angry one, the quiet one, the socially awkward mathy (let’s be frank: coded autistic) one - and left at that. I didn’t care if any of the Garrison team died, because I don’t know shit about them. Actually, the only character that I felt did get some complexity (again, aside from Veronica) was Iverson. I liked him in this season, I liked that they showed he may be a gruff army general but he’s willing to recognize when he’s mistaken or in over his head, that he’s not a NICE person but he might be a GOOD person (I took his character in a similar-ish direction in my fic Written in Sand, so maybe I’m biased, but that feels like the right characterization for him to me). If we’d started to build a connection back to the Garrison earlier in the show, or even, discard my theory, if we’d even just seeded in some of the flashbacks earlier and shown more of the Garrison team, I think I would’ve cared a lot more about them.

Veronica is a well-written character, I like her. The difference is, I think, she’s clearly a character the writers came up with and the Garrison became the vehicle for including her in the story, rather than writing out a plot line and rolling out stock characters to populate it, which is what the rest of the Garrison team feels like.

Okay, now the elephant in the room: Admiral Sanda. She’s the show’s conclusion to the tropes I was reading when I came up with the evil!Sam theory. There was always going to be danger from within the Garrison; from the perspective of raising stakes, it just makes sense. And, I’m going to be honest: I detest Admiral Sanda. I detest that they tried to give her a last minute redemption, I detest that she was the trigger for the climax of the season. She’s very much another cardboard cutout - the hardline army general who thinks they know best and makes the wrong call so the day has to be saved by the plucky youngsters who still believe in hope. Nothing about what she did was surprising - I’m pretty sure when they “revealed” she’d sold them out to Sendak I just yelled at the screen “NO FUCKING DUH” because they’d been telegraphing that since her introduction. It’s not a twist so much as it is the writers using her to increase the danger against the Paladins, when it feels like Sendak should have been enough of a threat on his own. And her redemption moment is so hollow and pointless because… well, fuck, as much as I hate the guy, at least with Snape you’ve got SOME kind of investment in him by the time he dies just because you’ve gotten to know him. Even if that investment is vehemently hating his guts. I don’t know a blessed THING about Admiral Sanda except that she’s a hardline army general who thinks she knows best and made the wrong call. Does she have friends? Family? How old is she? What was her childhood like? Crucially, WHY does she think that making a deal with Sendak is the only way to protect the Earth, when to all appearances literally everyone else has decided to trust Sam and Voltron?

We the audience come to the show with a certain meta understanding of how these kinds of stories will go. We know Voltron will win. We don’t know exactly how, or how long it will take, or what sacrifices might be made, but darkness never falls over the land completely. Sauron was never going to win, Voldemort was always going to be defeated, summer was always going to return to Narnia. So characters like Admiral Sandra have to be dealt with carefully, because we the audience know they will be proven wrong. We may be able to distantly understand their position, but if we’re expected to empathize with her or find her decision difficult, we need MORE than a superficial “what if Voltron can’t win?” as justification for her actions, because we know the answer is “but they will.” As it stands, she just looks like an idiot for believing Sendak. The reason why I liked Sam as the traitor is because it brings personal stakes into it - even if we must make him hold the idiot ball to make it work (and I would argue we wouldn’t have had to, if we’d taken more time to explore WHY the Garrison might side with the Galra), it’s still affecting. Imagine Sanda’s death scene, and replace her with Sam. Suddenly it’s fucking gut-wrenching, right? (Not to mention making Sam a much more complicated character than he ended up being. Sam is... fine, he’s just kind of bland).

I guess tl;dr I found the Garrison sections dragged because they didn’t take the time to properly introduce and build up to the characters that suddenly took center stage for a significant chunk of the season, while the whole idea behind the Sam Holt Is Evil theory was that narratively, it could’ve brilliantly brought Earth and the Garrison back into the story as important forces and build up to the ultimate confrontation on the Paladins’ home planet without actually having to go back to Earth, at least not immediately. I liked Veronica because she felt like a full realized character, but no one else did (except Iverson a little bit).

As a sidebar, evil!Sam/Garrison was built on the assumption that the Garrison already knew something about the Galra at the very least by the time that Shiro turned up back on Earth - and I think the reveal that they really were just ignorant the whole time leaves plot holes, but if I start to go down the “let’s talk about the plot holes in Voltron” path we’re going to be here for a week.