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makeste · 4 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 304: The Council of OFA

Previously on BnHA: Hawks and Best Jeanist were all, “what up Todofam, we are here to apply for the positions of ‘son #4’ and ‘weird uncle’, respectively,” and then proceeded to insert themselves into the family drama without waiting for an answer. Hawks briefed Endeavor on the nation’s current status of “totally fucked”, promised to help him sort that out, and then asked him about OFA. Endeavor was all, “oh do you mean One For All, the mysterious thing that my intern Deku was apparently being targeted for?” and then we cut away, presumably before Endeavor could clarify that it never occurred to him to follow up on that, and Hawks was all “no of course not, why would it occur to anyone other than me to follow up on any of this super weird and ominously important shit.” Anyway so meanwhile Bakugou was all “LET ME SCREAM AT DEKU UNTIL HE WAKES UP” and the other kids were all “NO”, and then the chapter ended with All Might being all “I wonder what the vestige!me is currently chatting with Deku about.”

Today on BnHA: Deku drops in on the Vestiges, who are all “sup Deku, how do you like our fancy chairs.” OFA II and III are all “if you need us we’ll just be standing here silently in the corner pretending to be invisible and sparking endless discourse with our mere existence.” OFA IV is all “and now I will explain to you in a very convoluted way that you being quirkless was actually a good thing, since it means that you are probably not going to suddenly drop dead at the age of twenty. But also you’re probably going to be the last user of OFA for that very same reason.” Deku is all “that is wild. I’m just gonna stand here and stare at my hand.” Nana is all “so now that that’s settled could you please do me a small favor and kill my grandson for me”, because having just one topic to discourse about this week WASN’T ENOUGH, apparently. Thanks so much Horikoshi.

(ETA: okay so just a note before I start, this week’s RHA translation was a huge mess, so I followed up this chapter by reading a couple of other translations. the main one I’m using for reference is the one by @hanashimas, whose weekly posts I highly recommend. anyway so you’ll see a couple of ETAs in this post in places where the initial translation was off.)

how many layers of bandages did they wrap this poor kid’s fucking hand in omg

jesus Deku. are you holding onto a bouquet of flowers under that thing?? or a tennis racket??

omg yes, finally

is he reading these names off a teleprompter lol. and if so, what has Jeanist ever done to slight you, Deku? “god bless Kacchan and Aizawa-sensei and Todoroki-kun and everyone else in the whole wide world... except for Best Jeanist. fuck that guy.” actually this joke would be funnier if half of tumblr didn’t legit feel that way lol but anyway

OH MY GOD

I NEED TO HAVE A TALK TOO. ABOUT, OH, EVERYTHING

I got immediate KHR vibes from ALL OF THIS. this is seriously such a Vongola aesthetic. “let’s use the luxuriously cushioned chairs with the seat backs that are ten feet high, and arrange all of the handsome ghost people in a big circle” like come on

that said there are also some slight LoTR vibes as well. “bring forth the ring, Deku”

I like how Six is sitting there with his feet drawn up all casual, but with his arms inexplicably sticking STRAIGHT OUT IN FRONT OF HIM and dangling over his knees like he’s doing some sort of zombie walk

apparently the Fourth wasn’t a big fan of shoes huh

interesting that All Might is the only one who’s still faint/indistinct, and and that Two and Three are fully visible

(ETA: the rest of my speculation about Two and Three has been moved into a separate post, the better to focus on the shit that’s actually happening in this chapter lol.)

and lastly, interesting that all of them are talking now, except for All Might (and I guess the Second and Third as well). to the best of my knowledge Deku hasn’t unlocked the Sixth’s quirk yet, so I guess the quirks don’t really have anything to do with it

oh and it looks like Deku’s mouth is still covered. I guess that’s convenient for the vestiges since we all know it’s hard to stop Deku once he gets going. but on the other hand it’s very inconvenient for people like me who wanted to see some interaction. alas

so First says that OFA’s power has grown a lot in the last four months (i.e. since Deku unlocked Blackwhip), and now the vestiges can communicate with each other as well as Deku

so even when Deku’s not around they can all just chill with each other. this is such a weird thing to me lol. like it’s cool, don’t get me wrong, but it’s also strange as hell to know that you’ve got eight other people hanging out in your head spying on everything you do and having conversations with each other about it. it would be like if Dark Shadow had someone to hang out with other than Tokoyami. good thing you weren’t triplets, Tokoyami

First says that it’s become easier for the vestiges to interact with Deku ever since TomurAFO barged into the OFA Domain back at Jakku. huh

(ETA: apparently this is because AFO forcibly pulled out OFA’s power when he was trying to steal the quirk, so I guess that makes sense.)

okay thank you Banjou for addressing this concern which I initially brought up as a joke, but which was apparently real enough for you to reassure Deku about

“don’t worry, even though we’re awake and hanging out inside of you at all times, we’re definitely not secretly watching and making fun of every single thing you do” hmmmmm

(ETA: “not that you could do anything about it even if we were, since you’re probably going to be the last OFA holder ever!” I don’t trust anything this asshole says lmao.)

OH SHIT??

YESSS DEKU now you can hold them accountable for all of their bullshit! because I do not doubt that there will be bullshit lol but let’s see how that goes

oh damn

well okay then. you didn’t have to stand up and walk over to him and loom all threateningly like that but okay sir

this guy has kind of a Kimimaro vibe to him. remember? that bone-growing guy from Naruto? except I’m pretty sure he had eyebrows. and wasn’t twenty feet tall. speaking of which, that explains the chairs

why are you wearing only 3/5ths of a shirt

lol what

someone’s gonna have to explain this to me. is he just redundant or something lol, or is he strangely poetical or what

(ETA: apparently HE’S MAKING A PUN omg. I immediately gained +10 love for him lol. also it flows a lot better in Japanese. this is one of the things Caleb is usually good at, so we’ll see what he does with the wordplay.)

omg the hermit theory is true!!

“I’M NOT WEIRD, IT’S SOCIETY WHICH IS WEIRD.” lol whatever you say buddy. also love how Banjou tried to give him a big hearty slap on the back but Hermit Boy was not having it lmao

IS HE TRYING TO CAPTURE HIM WITH BLACKWHIP

AND ACTUALLY, NO, SIR, AS A MATTER OF FACT, WE ARE NOT AWARE. SO SPILL!!

?!!?

okay my first response was LOL ARE YOU SERIOUS, THAT’S THE BIG SECRET!? -- and then it hit me what the significance of “died from old age... AT AGE FORTY” meant. at which point it was like “!!!!!” and then “OH, SHIT”

(ETA: there’s also an Iida joke here somewhere but I’m just too tired to make it.)

oh my god oh my god

did he somehow get a copy of the coroner’s report or something? like how does he even know that he died from “old age” as opposed to any number of other natural causes? ??

but anyway. so this is the quirk singularity coming into play then I guess. but then how come All Might is still alive and ticking?

(ETA: so this is one example of where this week’s translation is a mess lol. apparently the Fourth explains here that he didn’t know what the fuck he died from until All Might researched it. and it turns out there actually was an autopsy lol so there you go.)

so Fourth says he held OFA for eighteen years, and since he knew he would never be strong enough to defeat AFO on his own he basically just spent all his time punching rocks in the woods and training to power the quirk up

oh shit

is he implying that his body literally fell apart?? like that’s how he got the scars on his face? -- IS THAT WHAT KEEPS HAPPENING TO TOMURA, THEN. oh shit

DUDE

so you’re telling me that this quirk actively shortens the lifespan of anyone who uses it?? and my little boy here has had it now for a year already?? fuck me, I have immediately have a TON of thoughts about all this but let me save it until he’s done with his explanation

THANK YOU, DEKU

right?? how come All Might didn’t die then. even after he got injured. please don’t tell me he actually is dying still and is just being slow about it because I SWEAR TO GOD

what does this mean??

so what you’re trying to say is you all have NO FUCKING IDEA how long Deku’s gonna be able to hold this quirk before he SUDDENLY DROPS DEAD?! five generations ago this dude was able to hold it for eighteen years, and then four generations later All Might was able to hold it for thirty-odd years or so, and now Deku has it and you all have no clue which way it’s gonna go? actually this makes it sound like it really wasn’t OFA that killed the Fourth at all and you guys are just really bad at forming hypotheses. but since you’re making a big plot point out of it I guess it must be true

and don’t think I didn’t notice the part where you said you didn’t have OFA very long and then “died while fighting”, Firsto. I want to hear more about that. specifically who you passed the quirk onto before your death

and yes, if we are agreeing that OFA was the cause of the Fourth’s death, then the conclusion on this next page is the natural one to draw

so that’s a bit of a relief then, because Deku is quirkless too. so it means he won’t be able to hold OFA forever (and will probably have to find another quirkless person to pass it on to), but at least he won’t be randomly dying out of the blue next Tuesday or something

oh my god now he’s talking about OFA and AFO and user consciousnesses and all sorts of good theory stuff but it’s so much exposition. you’re really gonna make me read all this lol

wait what. why would All Might being quirkless have anything to do with the presence of his vestige in OFA Outer Space Party Land

but Deku is also quirkless and he’s clearly visible and chatting with you guys. so what gives. like how much of this is verified fact and how much of it is you guys just shrugging and making stuff up lol

SERIOUSLY, GUYS

BUT DEKU IS ALSO -- you know what, never mind sob. none of this shit makes any sense but whatever

(ETA: seriously, this all seems like an awful lot of speculation on their part. for Deku’s sake I sure hope they’re right.)

FSSKDJFLSKLKJLKJL ALL MIGHT IS FIFTY-FIVE?!

lol that’s a full ten years past my closest estimate, wow. but this pretty much confirms his age now at last! or at least confirms it within a couple of years, because we know All Might and Nana met when he was in middle school, and he presumably had the quirk by the time he took the U.A. entrance exam. so yeah. gonna go with fifty-five

so they think that because All Might was quirkless, OFA was better able to adapt to his body and became his true quirk, as opposed to being an extra quirk that stacked on top of the one he already had and overwhelmed him. ties in back to the whole “AFO used to bend people to his will by forcing quirks on them” thing, as well as the “Noumus are all mindless because of the strain of having multiple quirks”

Two and Three are really ruining the serious vibe of this scene here lol

they look like they’re doing the counting for hide and seek

and is this Deku talking now? I was about to get mad at First for implying that quirkless people are somehow freaks, as opposed to “normal” people jdslk

so in other words, don’t go giving it to your best friend all casually for shits and giggles, Deku. even if it would make a really cool climax for a movie. well shit. maybe that’s why they were so quick to nope back into Deku’s body afterward

so First says that because quirkless people are becoming rarer and rarer, the fact that All Might just happened to stumble upon Deku is “nothing short of a miracle.” which, yeah, that was definitely a stroke of luck there. being quirkless saved his life. but being quirkless is also part of why he was chosen in the first place, and we’ve always known that much

“in other words, kiddo...”

looks like there was some hurried clone stamp usage going on here lol. but props to RHA as always for putting this scan out so fast, especially given how exposition-heavy this week’s chapter has been

“anyways, that was the main topic” ARE YOU SERIOUS. there are like ten other topics imma need you all to get to here, people

(ETA: seems like this is a mistranslation; the line should actually read something more along the lines of “and now for the main topic.”)

FFFFFFFFF

“ENJOY YOUR CLIFFHANGER THIS WEEK.” dskfalkjlkjwlgkjl you really went and dumped this discourse on us yet again. fucking...

(ETA: forgot to mention, but as several people mentioned, this seems to be another mistranslation -- rather than asking Deku to kill Tomura as though it’s doing her a personal favor, Nana is asking “will you be able to do it.” in other words more of an “are you capable of doing it” type of thing. which is a very reasonable question to ask given that Deku is, well, Deku.)

anyways, and the answer is obviously going to be “no” of course. this isn’t going to end any differently than when the previous Avatars all told Aang to kill Ozai. but I guess it means we’re in for a fun conversation next week

so Nana looks pretty grim here though (nothing at all like the person who once taught All Might the importance of saving people with a smile), and I’m wondering if this means she believes that her grandson is already beyond saving. as in killing him would be a mercy, as opposed to him continuing to live with AFO bending his mind and body to his will. except if that is the case, I think she’s underestimating Tomura’s own will. and definitely underestimating Deku’s will to save

and also, just... I’m so fucking sick of AFO screwing the Shimura family over, honestly. this is exactly what he wanted. well fuck you, guy. you don’t get to have what you want. go out there and save Tomura, Deku. for his sake and for Nana’s. give them some hope. do your thing, boy. can’t wait for your big speech all about it next chapter lol

#bnha 304 #midoriya izuku #all might #ofa prime #ofa iv #idk what his name is I forgot it already lol #the actual forty-year-old man #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #ofa the first

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twink-appreciation-posts · 4 years ago

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Simple Victimology (Spencer Reid x Reader)

chapter one of “all bets are off”

“An agent of the BAU is exactly the unsub's type. Pretty convenient, right? Well, turns out she's exactly Dr. Spencer Reid's type as well. All it took for him to admit it was a bit of... performative seduction.”

{notes: sorry if this was is bit too dialogue heavy! i just needed to get all the groundwork/backstory laid out lmao. anyway action and NSFW content is coming up next chapter.}

"So our unsub's victimology is quite clear, right? I mean, almost to an irrational degree. All the women he's attacked have been dressed similarly, with similar body types, similar makeup." Dr. Spencer Reid mused, his eyes scanning the photographs up on the wall. "And he just doesn't seem to strike women who are alone. He enjoys the thrill of stealing his victims away from other men."

You let out a sigh. The case you and the rest BAU had been working on was fairly straight cut: psychotic sexual sadist who abducts his victim from parties, tortures them for months, then dumps the bodies in the woods.

"But it just doesn't make sense. With such a specific MO, he must rarely find a target that's suitable for him to strike." You shook your head. "It's not a trait that lends itself well to a serial killer."

"That's probably why he spends so much time with each of his victims. An attempt to keep him satisfied between hunts." Derek agreed.

Rossi piped up next. "The specificity leads me to believe he's chasing after a very certain high.. trying to recreate a specific person or moment through his delusions." He continued. "Our best chance of drawing him out is to send out the perfect victim. He's the type who can't afford to pass up the opportunity when he sees one."

Silence. Everyone on the team knew what happened last time they had sent an agent out as bait. No one was sure they were ready to take that type of chance again.

Spencer's eyes continued to scan the pictures and then, suddenly, you felt the weight of his eyes on you. "Y/N looks pretty close to the unsubs type.." He said hesitantly.

"No," Hotch began "We're not sending our own agent out into the field of a sexual sadist as bait."

You stood up quickly. "No, it's okay." You spoke firmly, your own gaze fixated on the previous victims' images. "All we need to do is draw him out, right? You guys will be with me the whole time. I'm not a risk. I can do it."

Silence befell the room again, until Hotch broke it. "Alright. Reid, Prentiss, go over the victimology one more time. Make sure we get this right. We'll send Y/N out tonight."

"That still leaves the issue of the male companion, sir." Emily piped up.

"I'll do it." Morgan volunteered. "I feel at home on the dance floor anyway. Easy cover." He chuckled.

"No..." Rossi thought out loud. " We need someone who's not threatening. Someone who has zero chance of jeopardizing this mission. Zero chance of scaring our unsub off."

Everyone almost instantly turned to Reid. It was almost comical. He blinked a few times, processing the implications of everyone's stare. "Oh. Yeah. I guess I fit that description." He smiled weakly.

"So it's settled then. Get to work agents."

And without another word, you each followed Hotch's orders. You remained in the conference room with Spencer and Emily, psyching yourself up for your first mission as bait.

"The women that our unsub target are all dressed..." Spencer trailed off.

"Provocatively." You finished for him. "They're all wearing short dresses. Lots of skin exposed. And, from what we've gathered, they all seem to be a fan of the party life. Witnesses at the sight of the abduction told us that the girls don't shy away from the taboo. Drugs, drinking, dancing, you name it."

Emily nodded. "You up for that, Y/N?" She questioned half-jokingly.

"You should be asking Spencer if he's up for dealing with that side of me." You jested, glancing up at him. He gave you a reassuring shrug, one that could've been mistaken for a wince, and you shoved him gently. "Don't worry Spence. I won't go too wild. Anyway, I should probably get home and grab a change of clothes. They'll want to have as much time as possible to wire me." You turned on your heel, walking out of the conference room.

"I'll be back!" You announced to the rest of the team.

"Y/N, wait!" Spencer jogged up behind you. "I, uh, I should probably get changed too, right? I mean, I don't want to look too out of place."

You gave him the good ol' once over and pondered for a moment.

"Do you own anything that doesn't look like a TA would wear on his first day of class?" Derick teased from his desk.

"I have some dress shirts, at least." Spencer replied seriously.

"Well I'll give you a ride, then." You offered. "Your place is pretty close to mine." Spencer nodded and followed you out the door.

"Do I really dress like a TA?" He questioned, partially to himself.

"Maybe, but like a TA that all the freshman girls would have a crush on." You patted his shoulder reassuringly.

The car ride to Spencer's place was a relatively quiet one. You discussed the case, you asked Spencer if he thought the plan would work. He seemed pretty confident it would.

"If you want you can just wait here for a second. I really just need to grab the clothes and we can head to your place." He explained once you had parked.

"Go for it." You replied.

He came back, a couple of shirts and ties in hand, and shut the car door. You began driving once again.

"So, Y/N, did you um, used to party a lot back in college?" He asked you. You smiled.

"A bit. I had some fun, that's for sure. I was always pretty focused on my academics, though. Not as much as you were though, I'm sure. A few of my friends used to call me "the fortune teller". I had a habit of making guesses on what would happen at the parties we went to. Who would hook up with who, who would black out first, stuff like that." You reminisced.

"Profiling your fellow party-goers." Reid chuckled.

"I suppose so."

You escorted Reid up to your apartment when you arrived. He commented that it seemed like a nice place. You thanked him. Casual small-talk was made. You began to dig through your closet, searching for a dress that would entice the unsub. "What color shirts did you bring?" You asked.

He quickly shuffled through his options. "Black, grey, white.. why?"

"Just wanted to make sure we wouldn't clash. Can't have a red dress with a blue shirt, right? We're supposed to be going to this party together."

"Oh, smart."

You pulled out two dresses, both of which were from your younger days. You prayed they would still fit. "Which one do you think?" You held them up to Spencer.

"Well, they're both.. they're both pretty. I like them both." He replied, analyzing them.

"Well, yeah . But I mean, which one do you think the unsub would prefer?" You chuckled.

He flushed. "Right. I'd say the dark red one. It reminds me of the dress from the first victim."

You nodded. The dress crushed velvet. Tight. Short. Exposing. But oh well, you figured, this was your job. "I'm gonna change in the bathroom. Feel free to change out here."

You exited the bedroom, leaving him alone. When you had finished slipping on the dress, which fortunately had fit perfectly, you slipped back into the bedroom. Spencer was buttoning up the last few buttons of his shirt. Your eyes followed his fingers, the way they methodically worked, and when he was done he looked up at you.

You both took a beat.

"You look great, Y/N." He coughed a bit, eyeing you up and down. "Ready to catch our unsub." He added quickly.

"You too, Doctor." You grinned. "I think we'll make quite a convincing pair." You grabbed some heels from your closet and motioned for him to follow you back out of the apartment. "Back to work we go!" You sing-songed, starting up the engine.

Almost the instant you stepped into the door of the BAU offices you were bombarded by Hotch a few additional FBI agents. Hotch began to go over the plan meticulously:

Make it appear like you've been drinking. Reid will leave to "go to the bathroom". You go outside for a "smoke break". The unsub will follow you from inside the club. The rest of the team will be staked out in a car near by. Keep the unsub talking. He'll offer to buy you a drink. Accept. He'll go back inside and bring it to you. It's drugged. Do not drink it. Keep the cup as evidence. That's when the others will come to put the guy in cuffs. Reid will be just inside if things seem like they're going to go sideways.

"Jeez, Hotch, I may not have an eidetic memory, but I can remember this. I promise."

Once you were wired up, JJ and Emily began the proccess of your hair and makeup. For a moment, it was almost cute. It was like you were getting ready for a girls night. Except, you supposed, that it was all in the name of baiting a serial killer.

When the clock hit 9pm you and Reid were shuffled off back into your car and given directions to the bar that you would be staking out.

"We didn't have much time to talk in there, what with Hotch being up our asses about the plan. How are you feeling?" You asked.

Spencer didn't reply. Nerves, you figured. "Spence?"

He shook his head, almost as if he had snapped out of a trance. "Ah, yeah sorry. I feel pretty good. I mean, I'm confident we'll catch our unsub." A moment of hesitation. "JJ and Emily did a great job on your makeup. You look... great."

You felt your face heat up. Why was a compliment from Spencer Reid making you nervous? "Thanks."

At 10pm you were pulling into the parking lot of the bar. It was almost full. Tons of people must've been inside. Your unsub included. You took a moment of pause. "Time to get into character." You wiped your sweaty hands on the crushed velvet fabric of your dress.

"The rest of the team must be down the block." Reid nodded.

You looked towards him anxiously and stepped out of the car. He followed suit, coming around to the passenger side and grabbing your hand. You squeezed it gently, not sure if it was to calm your nerves or his, or just because you wanted to.

"Come on, babe!" You exclaimed, pulling him towards the entrance.

It must've caught him off gaurd, but he just chuckled. "I've been waiting for this night all week."

#spencer reid #spencer x reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid smut #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds smut #all bets are off

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lettheladylead · 4 years ago

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Not Your Aunt

Chapter 2: Della [ao3 link]

She didn’t trust the lady. Not for one second. Not for one teeny tiny eenie meenie little extra small second!

Not when Uncle Scrooge would always come home looking like he wanted to cry or scream and he’d mutter Goldie’s name under his breath and then lock himself in his room for the rest of the day. Visiting him was supposed to be exciting and cool and fun and if they had the terrible timing of coming by right after Goldie, then the trip was basically pointless.

Not that she wasn’t also sad to see her uncle sad! That also sucked a lot.

Last time they’d seen Goldie, she’d stolen their map and left them behind in some woods in the middle of Iraq. Sure, she’d oddly left them a clue to help get into the ziggurat safely, but that didn’t make up for the betrayal of stealing their stuff! And Donald was so sour about it for days and days. He really thought it was his fault, as if Miss O’Gilt wasn’t always stealing and leaving. It was pretty much her whole thing.

She tried to convince him that but he just grumbled and sighed about it. He was really hung up on how he called her “Aunt Goldie” when she’d told him not to. So what? They always did things adults told them not to do. It didn’t usually make them run away like little babies. And Della was confident that that wasn’t the reason why Goldie left them behind - not like the lady needed a reason, she clearly just did it for fun - so she knew she’d have to convince Donald of that so he’d stop being so mopey.

Conveniently, Goldie visited the manor again only a few months later. They were at the dinner table with Duckworth when they heard a suspicious sound coming from upstairs. Uncle Scrooge and Duckworth made eye contact and then started walking towards the stairs, so Della and Donald followed out of curiosity.

As they reached the source of the sound, which started as some kind of stomping but had turned into maybe a sliding? And Della could’ve sworn she heard a groan? Anyway, Duckworth opened the door and Uncle Scrooge peeked into the room for a half-second before suddenly shouting “GOLDIE?!” and running in.

Duckworth followed him, but Donald and Della stayed at the door and just looked inside. They could see Goldie was on the floor and Scrooge was some mixture of tending to her and yelling at her because, and Della wasn’t yet an expert on this but she’d had some experiences, there was definitely a pool of blood underneath her. Goldie muttered something and Scrooge muttered something back but neither she nor Donald could understand what they were talking about.

The twins made eye contact, silently agreeing to head inside, when Duckworth suddenly exited the room and closed the door behind him, leaving them out.

“You two should go finish your dinner.”

“What? But what about…” Della motioned towards the door.

“Ah, he’s right, Della,” Donald muttered softly, accepting defeat too easily for Della’s liking. “It’s not like we can help.” He started to walk away, looking just as bummed as he had been for the past few weeks.

Della pouted and thought about how she was hoping to improve Donald’s mood when Goldie returned, but of course the old lady had to make it more complicated than it needed to be. As Duckworth gently pushed them towards the stairs, she turned her head and looked up at him. “Is Aunt Goldie okay?”

Duckworth raised an eyebrow at her and decided not to comment on the name. “Goldie O’Gilt is harder to kill than a cockroach. She’ll be just fine.”

The kids chuckled at his comparison and rushed back down to eat. As soon as the kids were gone, Duckworth sighed and walked towards the bathroom, knowing he could find one of their First Aid kits in there.

The rest of their meal was quick, both kids just wanted to finish so they could go back upstairs and find out what happened to Goldie.

“I’ll bet she was fighting a sea serpent over a single gold doubloon and it just completely tore her arm off!”

“No way! She probably got into a back alley knife fight when she tried to rob a guy that was too tough to rob.”

“Oooh, or maybe she was making her way through an ancient tomb when all the traps went off and she’s just got a ton of arrows poking out of her, leaking her blood all over the floor and the side of the mansion while she climbed up the wall!”

“Ew, Dumbella! That’s so gross!”

“How is that grosser than her arm getting torn off?!”

“I dunno, it just is!”

They argued over Goldie’s potential source of injury for a few minutes as they finished their food. As they agreed to head upstairs, Uncle Scrooge came down and plopped himself and his cane right in the entranceway so they couldn’t leave.

“Kids. I’m sure you saw that Goldie’s here.”

“Yeah, kinda hard to miss,” Della said with an eyeroll. “Did she steal anything from you yet?”

Scrooge blew out some air and tapped his fingers at the top of his cane. “Not yet. And yes, she probably will. But...it might be a few days.”

Donald and Della looked at each other incredulously. “Days? Like...more than one?”

“Probably at least a week.”

“Wait, what?” Donald stepped towards his uncle, looking concerned. “Is she, like...actually really badly hurt? What happened?”

Scrooge looked up towards the second floor when he thought he heard a noise before sighing and looking back down at the kids. “She hasn’t given me all the details, but she’s...she’s not in the best shape. She’ll need a few days to recover.”

Della was already thinking back to her guesses for Goldie’s injuries. She’d been kidding before, but maybe she wasn’t too far off?

“You two don’t need to do anything, Duckworth and I can take care of her just fine,” Scrooge said softly. “But we might need to postpone our trip to Svalbard until she’s better.”

“Boo!” Della whined. “Aunt Goldie ruins yet another adventure! Can’t we just leave her here with Duckworth?”

Scrooge’s eyes widened and he sputtered a bit at her words. “I-I, um...no, she’s...what?”

“C’mon, Della, it’s just another week,” Donald commented, not noticing his uncle’s discomfort. “Uncle Scrooge probably wants to make sure she doesn’t steal anything while we’re gone.”

“Um...right,” Scrooge muttered, still not over what he just heard. He remembered Donald referring to her as ‘aunt’ the last time they’d seen her, but he kind of thought that was just an odd little one-time thing. Now if Della started doing it, too, then he didn’t know how to handle that. Goldie would absolutely lose her mind if she found out. “You two shouldn’t bother her so just stay away from the guest room two doors down from mine.”

The kids shared a look before looking back up at their uncle simultaneously. “Okay, Uncle Scrooge!”

As Scrooge nodded and walked away, seemingly headed towards his office, Della and Donald quickly rushed towards the stairs so they could go bother their new houseguest.

They peeked into the room together and saw the mess of blonde hair strewn across the pillows. Goldie definitely looked like she was asleep, which was very disappointing, but they decided to walk into the room anyway and see if she was just faking.

She didn’t react to them coming closer. Della leaned towards her brother and whispered, “She’s sneaky and sharp, right? So she probably knows we’re here even if she’s asleep!”

“That doesn’t make a lot of sense,” Donald whispered back. “Look at her arm! She’s probably just really tired and hurt.”

Della followed his pointer finger and saw that there were bandages all over Goldie’s right arm - from her wrist up past her elbow. Clearly she’d been pretty badly hurt from something and Della desperately wanted to know what it was. She took a deep breath and walked the rest of the way towards her bed, ignoring Donald’s shocked protest behind her.

“...are you awake?” Della asked quietly, not sure how she should approach this.

Goldie didn’t respond, which just made Della pout.

“Aunt Goldie!” she said suddenly, at slightly-higher-than-normal volume. “What happened to your arm?!”

That time, Goldie’s eyes were wide open, but she was simply staring up at the ceiling and taking deep breaths. Donald noticed and joined his sister at the older woman’s bedside.

Another few seconds passed and Goldie closed her eyes again. Della wondered if she thought they were just a nightmare she was having. Well, that wouldn’t do.

“Aunt Gooooldie!” Della smacked her little hands against the top of the bed. “Did you get bitten by a shark? Or stabbed by a guy on the street? Or shot by a laser?”

“Or did you fall from a tower in the sky and land on your arm and it got all gross and beat up?” Donald added, feeling his sister’s contagious enthusiasm.

Goldie groaned and opened her eyes again, clearly wishing the kids weren’t really there. “Is there any way for me to get you two to go away?”

They just smiled at her innocently.

“...if I tell you what happened, will you let me sleep in peace?”

This time they nodded, completely in-sync. Goldie would’ve felt a little creeped out if she wasn’t used to them mirroring one another.

She turned back towards the ceiling and sighed. “I got burned. Badly.”

“Burned?” Della and Donald said together. Neither of them expected that. “Then what was with all the blood?”

“I wasn’t careful enough on my way here,” she said casually. “Burns got scratched up, started to bleed. Hurt like hell.”

Della climbed onto the bed, plopping herself down far enough from Goldie that the bed didn’t shake but close enough to get a better look at the bandages. They were definitely a little red and her arm looked inflamed. “So how’d you get burned? A dragon?”

Donald leaned onto the bed. “A flamethrower?”

“It was some kind of magic.”

“Oohh,” Della crooned. “Did you meet Magica De Spell? Uncle Scrooge complains about her sometimes.”

“She sounds scary.”

Goldie closed her eyes for a second before looking over at the kids. “It wasn’t my first time crossing paths with her, but yes. She had some stupid fancy magical artifact with her and caught me off guard and now I’m stuck here ‘til I can remember if that healing spring was in Caladrion or some other dimension that starts with C!” She started to move her arm and then hissed in pain before setting it back down. “I’ve got enough vicodin in my system to keep me from remembering the name but not enough to stop my arm from hurting. Great.”

Della and Donald looked at each other again. “...Aunt Goldie?”

“Please for the love of God, stop calling me that,” Goldie groaned, closing her eyes once again. “What do you want now?”

Donald took his sister’s hand and tugged her off the bed. “Do you want any tea or anything?”

Goldie froze momentarily before turning to look at the kids again, seeing surprisingly innocent looks on their faces. She almost felt bad for snapping, but god was she tired. “...no. I just want to go to sleep.”

“Okay,” Donald said quietly. “We’ll leave you alone now. Right, Della?”

Della nodded. “Yeah, okay. Sleep tight, Aunt Goldie!”

They headed out the door as Goldie groaned one last time and tried to get back to sleep. Donald shut the door behind them and glared at his sister. “She said to stop calling her that!”

“Yeah, but I wanted to get a reaction outta her!” Della responded, putting her hands on her hips. “You said it made her run away last time, but this time she’s still here!”

“She doesn’t exactly have a choice,” Donald muttered, crossed his arms over his chest. “I bet she’d be running if she could!”

“Nah-uh!”

“Yeah-huh!”

“Nah-”

“Della, Donald.”

The twins turned to see Duckworth standing at the end of the hallway, giving them a suspicious stare.

“Miss O’Gilt is trying to get some sleep so she can recover faster. Perhaps the two of you could continue this argument somewhere else?”

The kids nodded sheepishly and rushed past Duckworth on their way to another room to argue and play in. Duckworth watched them over his shoulder for a few moments before turning back towards the room that housed their current uninvited guest. He thought back to the last time Goldie O’Gilt had stayed in the mansion and how Mr. McDuck’s mood was lifted and then subsequently crushed when she inevitably left in the middle of the night.

Though he thought this time would probably be no different, having the kids around would make her stay a bit more interesting, he was sure of that.

#ducktales #goldie o'gilt #della duck #donald duck #scrooge mcduck #duckworth #scroldie #fic #fics #not your aunt

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classic80sand90smovieloves2 · 4 years ago

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Meeting and Dating Mitch Kramer

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

(If the story ain’t broke why fix it?)

- You first met Mitch at the Emporium. You and a few of your older friends were busy playing a game of pool when he and Pink came over.

- The soon-to-be senior introduced the two of you and you chatted for a while, hitting it off straight away. You thought he was awkwardly adorable and he thought you were absolutely amazing.

- After a short conversation, the two of you said goodbye and went about your separate nights... at least for a little while. Soon enough you’d find yourselves running into each other again at the beer bust, both a little tipsy but happy to see each other.

- The two of you sober up a bit while you talk and you wind up spending half the night getting to know each other. You share a kiss in the early hours of the morning and give him a ride home, making plans to hang out later that day if he wasn’t completely grounded.

- Your first date is at the arcade. You give him a peck on the lips everytime he wins a game and he “pays you back” with a gift from the prize counter. Well it’s safe to say he won more than a stuffed animal that day since the two of you have been together ever since.

- Lots of pda. He has no shame, especially when it comes to you. He want’s people to know that you’re together; he’s very proud.

- He tends to just call you some form of your own name, he feels sort of awkward calling you anything else. It just never sounds right coming out of his mouth, at least to him.

- Lot’s of making out. It’s one of his favorite hobbies.

- Going to his baseball games.

- Walking each other to class.

- Bowling dates.

- Convincing him to let you braid his hair and do other weird shit to it.

- Brushing hair from each others faces.

- Hanging out with Jodi every once and a while. She thinks you’re adorable and teases the two of you constantly.

- Laying side by side on his bed, listening to his music together.

- He likes to make different mixtapes for the two of you. You spend a lot of time jumping around his room and singing along.

- Hanging out on the moon tower. You like going up there at night and stargazing.

- Sitting alone together during parties.

- He doesn’t mind just talking to you all night, he never gets tired of your conversations.

- Helping him and his friends evade O’Bannion or occasionally get their revenge.

- Giving each other pecks on the lips.

- Wearing his baseball cap and playing dress up with his different patterned shirts. The two of you may or may not have matching outfits courtesy of his mom.

- Making sure he’s alright at parties and isn’t going to get himself killed while stumbling around drunk.

- His friends like to tease him whenever you’re around, telling embarrassing stories or roasting him. They’re all very impressed, and slightly jealous, that he managed to snag a babe like you.

- He’s pretty much willing to do whatever you ask mainly because he loves you and wants you to be happy but also because he wants you to think he’s cool and reliable.

- He likes being able to impress you. He tends to try and act all nonchalant about the stuff he manages to do even though he often surprises himself, once again: he wants you to think he’s cool.

- A lot of boys his age (and older) are immature but he’s often an exception. Having an older sister has definitely helped to desensitize him to girly things and given him more experience when it comes to understanding women.

- Mitch is constantly putting people before himself, it’s one of the reasons you love him so much but it’s also something you try to help him with. You don’t want him being used and manipulated so you keep a bit of an eye out for assholes.

- There’s been at least a few instances of him going to Jodi or his mom for advice. He doesn’t trust his friends directions and women know women best, right?

- Picnic dates.

- Arcade dates.

- Getting to hear all of the crazy stories he has from hanging out with the seniors.

“So he says to me ‘throw it’ and what am I gonna say? No? And so I throw it, and I kid you not, the thing goes through someone’s windshield.”

- It’s pretty easy to convince him to do something with you. Late night convenience store runs, weird adventures, whatever you have in mind.

- Ignoring his older friends innuendos and dirty jokes. They like embarrassing him in any way they can.

“Hey, have fun kids. And you watch out cause this kids a wild child, man!”

- He likes to keep his arm around your waist so that people know you’re dating. He doesn’t think anyone would immediately assume you were together “because, well, he’s him and you’re you”.

- He definitely has his jealous moments. Most guys don’t take him seriously since he’s “just a freshman” (especially the more persistent drunks and assholes) which leads to a bit of insecurity when it comes to your relationship. You’re beautiful, he’s sure a ton of guys are lined up waiting for him to mess up or for you to get tired of him.

- A lot of the time he’ll ask his friends about the guys who are talking to you, trying to seem nonchalant which isn’t too much of a feat since his friends are usually a bit drunk. If he doesn’t like their response he’ll come over and join the conversation, making sure nothing fishy is going on.

- Wondering how he meets some of the people he knows.

- He leans his chin on your shoulder or presses his face against the side of your head whenever he hugs you from behind.

- He’s got a framed photo of you next to his bed that he likes to look at when he’s going to bed.

- Nose kisses.

- You both follow each other around like lost puppies depending on what kind of situation you’re in.

- Walking home from school together or driving him home. A lot of the time you’ll grab a bite to eat together once classes are over.

- Staying at each other’s houses for dinner. You’re always invited over to his place since his mom adores you.

- You cuddle snuggled into his side while laying your head on his arm/chest and holding his hand.

- Little snide remarks and teasing, the two of you like to banter.

- You rarely ever fight but when you do he acts rather passive aggressive, Not quite addressing the problem just making cryptic comments that you’re supposed to understand. It’s annoying but he’ll usually come to his senses pretty quickly, sigh and apologize while trying his best to actually explain how he feels.

- He’s a good bullshitter, making up little stories on the spot whenever he needs, He often entertains you with little characters that he’s created whenever you’re both bored.

- He’s a slut for handholding.

- Bowling dates.

- Study dates.

- He’s always the first person to tell you you’ll do great on a test or anything you’re worried about.

- Shy “I love you’s” every now and again.

- You plan to spend not just your high school days together, but the rest of your days as well.

#mitch kramer headcanons #mitch kramer headcanon #mitch kramer imagine #mitch kramer imagines #dazed and confused #dazed and confused imagine #dazed and confused x reader #dazed and confused headcanons #dazed and confused headcanon #90s movie imagine #90s movie headcanons #90s movie headcanon

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heloflor · 4 years ago

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About MML season 2

So after rambling about one season 2 episode, I now want to rant a bit. So here’s a list of reasons why I find season 2 weaker than season 1. Obviously, this post is mostly me complaining about some stuff so, if you don’t want to hear about it, don’t read.

Note that this is a personal opinion and you have every right to disagree with it. Also, the points given aren’t sorted in any particular order of importance.

For those who don’t want to read the post (because you don’t have time/aren’t really interested/ can’t stay focused for too long etc) or if you only want to see certain points, here’s a list of what I will discuss here :

- Murphy’s Law seems weakened

- Dakota and Cavendish are like looney toons characters and more time is spent on them getting hurt rather than on their interactions with each other, which makes their plot boring

- Compared to most Dwampyverse couples, Zack and Melissa have no development

- Doofenshmirtz is annoying but does have his few moments

- A few jokes take too much time; in particular, “Cavendish Unleashed” makes me straight-up angry because of that

- They wanted to make a plot for Zack but it goes nowhere

- other smaller things like the lack of time spent on the school characters

Now, onto the longer version (very long post ahead) :

1. Less Murphy’s law

So in season 1, Murphy’s law was a main focus for the story, in the sense that it was pretty strong. Most episodes had stuff blowing up or getting destroyed. And often, you end up thinking that people got hurt by such mess. Take episodes like “Worked Day”, “Family Vacation”, “Murphy’s Lard”, “The Little Engine that Couldn’t” or “Milo's Halloween Scream-a-Torium”, to cite some of the most extreme cases. And yes, not every episode is like that, and some are even pretty chill when it comes to Murphy’s law like “The Race” or “The Substitute”. Also, Murphy’s law was conveniently turned off except when convenient for the story in major episodes like “Missing Milo” and “Fungus Among Us”. But overall, you really had that impression that Milo’s life was chaotic and explosive and hard to live by.

In season 2, there definitely were episodes in which Murphy’s law was strong, like for example “Freefall”, the ending of “Teacher’s Feature” and any episode with the aliens, in particular the last three episodes of the season. But for the most part, Murphy’s law mostly felt like an inconvenience rather than an actual problem. For example, you have “Walker, Runner, Screamer” in which like one problem happens or “Disco Do-Over” in which Milo very easily solves his parents’ problem. It also doesn’t help that both episodes have at least one character make a big deal out of Murphy’s law.

But aside from that, there are also episodes in which Murphy’s law doesn’t even seem to really happen. Like in “Lady Krillers”, “Spy Little Sister” (I’d argue that the lightbulb accident would have happened regardless of Milo’s presence) or even “Cake ‘splosion” in which Murphy’s law is there but overall it feels more like Milo overcoming the show’s obstacles.

So yeah, Murphy’s law is still present but at the same time it doesn’t feel as strong as the first season. And while it does give more time for Milo and co to have some character development I guess, overall it just feels kind of off. And now that I think about it, this lack of a mess in the A plot in a show that’s meant to be chaotic might be the root for my next complain.

2. Dakota and Cavendish are too cartoony

So in season 1, the B plot was my absolute favorite thing in the show. I couldn’t and still can’t get enough of these two idiots and how they play off of each other. But in season 2…let’s just say that I barely watch their plot during the first half of the season, and the reason is simple : Cavendish and Dakota are a joke in this first half. Their plot is all about them trying to get something and stupidly get hurt by it, and it just feels boring.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not against these two getting hurt. After all, they failed basically all their missions in season 1 and looked dumb while doing so. But the thing is : 1. In season 1, it was mostly because of Murphy’s law so it wasn’t always their fault and 2. The main thing about them in season 1 was their interactions. The most interesting thing about them has always been how they act with each other, at least in my opinion. Heck, my favorite B plot (not episode but B plot) is from “Abducting Murphy’s Law”, an episode in which all Dakota and Cavendish do is talk to each other in different places. It’s just two guys talking, and yet I absolutely love this plot.

So yeah, you don’t need to make Dakota and Cavendish be incompetent idiots for them to be great, you just need to make them interact with each other. That’s also why, out of all their “collecting trash” plots, my favorite is in “Lady Krillers”, because I love the first half with Cavendish complaining while Dakota is being baby while listening to music + their dumb argument over moving the bag and then Cavendish getting scared and Dakota immediately getting protective. This is fun ! This is cute ! This is very dumb and I like every second of it !

On the same note, I can’t stand the B plot of “Disco Do-Over”. The idea isn’t bad and the old lady is a great one-of character, but overall the plot is just urgh for me. The only thing I like is when Cavendish says that Drusselstein sounds made up (I guess Professor Time never wrote an autobiography) and Dakota starts listing made-up words, only to end up smiling at Cav while saying his name slowly in a borderline flirty way, as if he enjoyed every syllable of it. But thing is, I consider that, when shipping is the only thing I care about in an episode/plot, it means that it’s bad. And “Walker, Runner, Screamer” is in the same vein. I can’t stand the plot.

There are actually two things about these plots that I thing really pisses me off (the fact that these plots don’t have much of the duo playing off of each other doesn’t really pisses me of, it just makes the plot boring) :

First of, it makes Dakota seems completely incompetent. Yes I know he wasn’t a first-class agent and even in season 1 he wasn’t that athletic or anything but there was still the feeling that he knew what he was doing. He always managed to steal from Brick and Savannah or know where the duo was, he was able to save Cavendish hundreds of times and finally who knows what the Mississippi purchase was. So while he wasn’t the best, there was some competence. But in season 2, it’s more or less gone.

And for my second pet peeve : Cavendish’s mortality. In season 1, it was established that Cav had a hard time staying alive and could die from tons of different ways, including falling from great heights or getting sent through a wall by a horse. And while we do see him survive a giant rolling rock in “Murphy’s Lard”, Dakota still makes a comment asking if Cav is alive.

But is season 2, it seems like they completely forgot about this part of his character. The worse has to be in “Loot at This Ship” in which he somehow survives when messing with the ship. But earlier in the season, there’s also “Lady Krillers” in which he survives a bull attack three times ! Though, what really pisses me off with that isn’t just the fact that he survives for the sake of comedy; it’s Dakota. In this episode, Dakota has no problem just running away and letting Cavendish get attacked by the bull ! And it’s the same thing in “Disco Do-Over”. When Cav tries to sneak into the garden and gets attacked, Dakota just panics and runs away ! I swear the first time I saw this I was like “Excuse me ?!”. Because you’re telling me that Vinnie “sacrificing himself over and over again with no regrets for Cavendish” Dakota is now ditching Cav in situations he finds dangerous in order to save himself ???

I’m sorry but it pisses me off. It might just be me overreacting but seeing two characters whose main strength in the story was their banter now interacting less and getting hurt more, with one of them going against everything he did in the first season; this just angers me. And so when I watch season 2, I tend to skip most parts of the B plot (which makes me watch like 1 min of episode for “Lady Krillers” because the A plot is very meh. “Disco Do-Over” has an adorable A plot tho).

And last note about these plots, I didn’t mention “Field of Screams” and “Managing Murphy’s law” because I tend to forget about the first one that I find pretty meh (the entire episode, not just the B plot) and the second one has a B plot based on cringy humor and I’m not really into it, though I do really like hearing Jeremy getting more and more tired of Dakota and the hug at the end is such a cute and underrated Dakavendish moment. Also Dakota makes a dad joke near the beginning and I absolutely adore that.

I also didn’t mention “Freefall” because it’s fine. Dakota is being Dakota (and I adore this dork), we start to see Cav get genuinely angry about his job which sets the root for the second half of the season, there’s one scene in which the two are clearly very bored and for some reason it makes me laugh, and the action scene is fine (also damn Cavendish knows how to fly a plane !). But I find “Freefall” to be a good episode in general so yeah.

3. Zack and Melissa

First thing first : I have nothing against the ship itself. I’m not a big shipper when it comes to child/teens characters but I completely understand why people ship them, and I agree that they have personalities that mix well together. And honestly, this point is probably my most minor complain.

That being said, I do believe that their relationship has basically no development. Or at least, if you compare them to other couples in the Dwampyverse. Because thing is, Dwampy tend to have pretty high standards when it comes to couples. I mean, if we look at every canon couple + a few fanon (aka “here’s my need to infodump about random stuff nobody cares about”. This part will be in italics so, if you want to skip it, you can see where it ends) :

- Phineas and Isabella : since the first episode, we see that Isabella is attracted to Phineas. And throughout the entire show, these two are always willing to help the other, with Isabella always wishing to help in any way she can with the project of the day and Phineas always wanting to make the best projects when it comes to Isabella (just look at how he gets upset in her birthday episode when the finale doesn’t go according to plan). So yeah, they’re two kids in love with a very sweet friendship that you know will evolve into a relationship once they get older and understand relationships better.

- Ferb and Vanessa : Ignoring “Act your Age”, this is the usual trope of a young kid falling in love with an older person. And just like with Phina/bella, it’s made clear that Ferb likes Vanessa and is willing to do anything for her.

- Candace and Jeremy : Same kind of relationships. Candace is clearly head-over-heels for him, Jeremy often gives her presents since the beginning of the show and overall is always patient and understanding to her. It’s very sweet and it’s satisfying to see them get together and know that they will stay that way.

- Linda and Lawrence : While we don’t see much of them, it’s made clear when they’re together that they genuinely love each other. Same for their respective parents.

- Vanessa and Monty : A very organic relationship. It’s two teens who find each other attractive and, after randomly finding each other in the same place, decide to talk and learn more about each other, eventually deciding to start dating. It’s pretty sweet.

- Sara and Neal : These two are just fucking adorable ! They’re two awkward nerds in love and the episode when they get together really plays onto this and it’s the most adorable thing. And while we don’t see much of them, at the beginning of “Love Toboggan”, it’s made clear that the two have seen each other enough for their respective families to know that they like each other.

- Amanda and Milo : Another duo of cuties. The idea of a relationship between them is hinted very early, in “Smooth Opera-tor” in which we see that Milo likes her. And throughout the show, we see them getting closer as Amanda learns to accept Murphy’s law and becomes a genuine friend to Milo. We also see that Milo really likes her and is always willing to help her in any way he can.

- Brigette and Martin : Probably the most underrated characters of the show. I simply adore these two ! They’re just really wholesome people, especially Brigette. She knew full well what she was getting into when she decided to marry into the Murphy family and it’s clear that she doesn’t have a single regret. Like the Flynn-Fletcher parents, they aren’t around that much but when they do you can tell they love each other.

And for some fanon ships :

- Buford and Baljeet : Basically an enemy to friends to lover trope. They start off as bully and nerd but, the more time they spend with Phineas and co, the more Buford shows off his sensitive side and learns more to respect Baljeet’s boundaries while Baljeet learns to stand up for himself. And by the end of the show, the two are genuinely close. Heck, even in “Act Your Age”, despite the canon ships, there’s one scene in which the guys tell Phineas that “guys don’t talk about their feelings”. After they say that, there’s an awkward silence and at the end of it you can see Buford and Baljeet look at each other before looking away with a sad expression, as if they did have feelings for each other but never talked about it because of the “boys don’t talk feelings” thing (which, in real life, is complete bullshit. Let men be emotive, dammit !). But yeah, these two have a friendship that grows over the show and is sometimes teased as if something else was going on there.

- Heinz and Perry : Fun fact : when I became an adult and started getting back into the show, I couldn’t help but laugh as I started to ship it because this is such a crackship on paper ! Also, everything related to Peter the Panda, especially “Time Out” and “Lost in Danville” is fucking hilarious because of how ridiculous it is. I love the Dwampyverse ! (and I just realized that I didn’t talk about the humans/objects canon couples but given that only one person can evolve in these relationships…yeah)

But looking at the show and the books, yeah, these two are like two people thrown into an arranged marriage and having to figure everything out. Even if they start off as enemies, they eventually get accustomed to each other, to the point of being each other’s most important person. We really feel it in season 4. In a lot of ways, these two are a lot like Buford and Baljeet (which a lot of people had already pointed out).

- Candace and Vanessa : This one is mostly based on how much Candace admires Vanessa in “Night of the Living Pharmacist” and honestly, it’s pretty alright. I can definitely see why people ship it as there’s definitely some material there and there with Candace trying to impress Vanessa and look cool in front of her.

- Cavendish and Dakota : Act like an old married couple 24/7 ; often have physical contact and never react to it, showing that it’s normal to them and that they’re very comfortable with each other, almost to the point of having no notion of personal space when it comes to each other ; call each other “partners” most of the time ; have known each other for at least 10 years given Cavendish’s change in appearance from “First Impressions” to ‘now’ ; have to share a room most of the time due to their work ; are compared to Perry and Heinz, aka Dan’s favorite fan ship (or at least it seems to be) ; would die for each other and are willing to do anything to keep their relationship going, including stopping a “break up” (Dakota’s words). What else is there to say ?

So looking at all these relationships, including the fanon ones, it’s pretty clear that Dan and Swampy like to give out tons of shipping material. But Zack and Melissa ? They act like friends for most of the show. In season 1, the only episode that’s really shippy is “The Math Book” with how they play off of each other.

The saddest part with this relationship for the shippers is that in the PnF crossover, we start to get hints that they might be a couple, only for them to keep the exact same dynamic as season one up until the very last episode of season 2 in which suddenly they act like a couple most of the time. And before you point out “Escape”, it’s probably just me but the way Melissa tells Milo to hurry because “It starts to seem like a date”, followed by Zack saying “You wish” in such a neutral tone gives off the impression that they don’t want it to be a date. So yeah, by the end of the day, it feels like they only got together because 1. Disney likes straight people and 2. They’re the hero’s best friends.

Seriously, on youtube, there’s a video that’s a Zalis//sa compilation, and not only is the video only 6 minutes long, but most of these moments could come off as two friends acting like two friends. And for the video length : reminder that there’s a Milan//da video from the same person that’s 17 minutes long, Amanda being a character that appears like ten times less than Zack and Melissa; and there are also two Daka//vendish videos, both 10 minutes long each, and they barely cover like 1/3 of the episodes the duo show up in. Seriously, a fanon ship has a hundred more shipping material than a canon ship ! Honestly, Zalis//sa shippers were robbed.

I think the only other ship that has that little development (and by that I mean way less development) among major characters is the one between Baljeet and Ginger. Honestly for this ship : Ginger shows that she’s interested and it’s taken as a joke in season 1; in the bees episode, Ginger listens to Baljeet and, while Baljeet is happy that she’s listening, he’s mostly happy that someone is listening, regardless of who it is. Then we see them dance a few times in the background, including in a Halloween episode in which Buford and Baljeet were sharing a costume and, as Baljeet and Ginger start to dance, we have a shot of Buford not looking happy about this. And yet somehow they became a canon couple.

With this forced ship, I tend to accuse Disney being homophobic and refusing Buford and Baljeet to be both single at the end of the show (seriously Disney seems to be so homophobic that they allowed couples between humans and objects but refused any gay couple. At least they seem to have started to be more accepting with recent shows from what I’ve seen).

4. Heinz Doofenshmirtz

So I know it’s been talked about but it’s still a major point in this season so I have to talk about it. So : in Phineas and Ferb, Heinz is a motivated inventor who was able to make inators that worked, though his poor planning and some of his ideas often got the best of him. But overall, he was just a nice guy with a certain genius and who was trying to cope with his childhood trauma in the only ways he knew. He’s also one of the best fathers in all of animation, especially given how much baggage he has, but that’s not the topic here.

Then, when Dwampy made “The O.W.C.A. Files”, they decided to change Heinz’s personality. Suddenly, he was a complete klutz who’s can’t do anything right and just pisses people off. And when they made MML, they kept this personality trait. It also doesn’t help that quite a lot of focus is put on him, which renders him even more annoying. I won’t develop much on his flaws because, again, others already did before. Instead, since so many people already talked about what was wrong with Doof in this show, I actually want to talk about the good moments that Heinz has in MML.

So, to cite a few : First off, the PnF crossover. Yes he does mess up his time machine with orange juice but that’s like his only mistake. Overall, he’s seen to be a great inventor who quickly understands the Pistachions’ weakness after spilling juice on a plant and immediately creates a plan around it. And speaking of which, I also really like how, when he meets the group at the beginning and is told to be a hero, he asks “What do you base your assumption on ?” (not a direct quote), which really shows that yes, he’s a scientist who thinks like one.

The moments where he butts head with Cavendish are also pretty good, especially with how what he says is only the truth : he’s not Professor Time, he’s just some random inventor, and Cavendish feeling so much deception is his own fault for idolizing someone. Thinking about it, it might actually be the only moments in the show in which he’s seen as more mature than another major character.

And overall, he’s just his PnF self in this episode. Like, there’s also how he talks to Diogee and, later, when Milo puts some pressure on him by reminding him of the stakes, he goes “I’m going to go back to talk to the dog”.

As for some other good appearances : “Spy Little Sister” has Heinz show up for a very little and it really works with making him a lot like how he was in PnF (honestly the lightbulb accident seems like something he’ll do in PnF. Heck, in the first part of the episode, he reminds me of how he is in “Doof 101”, episode in which the problems are caused by the annoying bugs and not him).

“Disco Do-Over” does a clever use of the “I am a superstar” video, though Heinz is a bit obnoxious in this episode.

The season 2 finale has Heinz once again act like a scientist when he asks the Octalian about shape-shifting.

Finally, I really like the friendship between him and Dakota. The two are definitely bad for each other and that’s what makes their interactions interesting. Though, I would have loved to see some time spent on pointing out the fact that Dakota grew up seeing Heinz as a hero. And on that same note, I would have loved to see a bit more of Cavendish interacting with Heinz, especially after Heinz and Dakota became “friends” (the last episodes give off the feeling that now that they made up with their respective partner, they aren’t going to hang out with each other).

So yeah, Heinz does have his moments in which he works pretty well. But most of these moments are in episodes in which he’s a minor character. When the show starts to focus more on him, he’s just annoying and immature, which is really sad given how great he was in PnF.

5. The humor

Now it’s time to get the claws out. Seriously, this part was meant to be short but I can tell from what my brain has in mind that I’m going to give a long rant. To be honest this wasn’t even really supposed to be a big thing to point out, like I could’ve put this at the end with the other “minor complains”. But one thing pisses me off so it’s now its own part.

So to make things clear first : when I talk about the humor, I’m talking about one kind of joke that the show has done since season 1 but that feels off in season 2. I’m talking about the jokes that go on for a while, sometimes too long; especially too long in season 2.

I think a good example of a long joke made right is in “Party of Peril”, when we have to watch Elliot get attacked by a duck for like 50 seconds. It’s a joke that probably goes on for too long but let’s be honest it’s hilarious, along with creating the recurring joke of ducks hating Elliot.

In season 2, they kept trying to make these kinds of jokes there and there; but for some reason it doesn’t really work. I have two examples : the first one is in “Teacher’s Feature” in which we spend 20 seconds on Scott dancing in a cringy way while the kids comment on it. And I swear as I’m writing that I’m considering checking the length because it feels like 40 seconds, not 20, and that’s the problem. Watching the scene, they could have easily cut out 5 seconds of him dancing with music to go directly to the part where there’s no music but he keeps going. Seriously. They definitely could have made this joke shorter.

But the worst to me, the absolute worst, is in “Cavendish Unleashed”. OOOH BOY the fucking waste they did there.

So in this episode, there’s a joke that plays out 3 times, two times the same way and a third time with a slight difference. The joke is about people wanting to sign a paper to destroy then protect the forest, only to get crushed by the alien and being unable to use their hand. To put it simply, this joke is boring. It doesn’t even feel like a joke ! It’s just 15 then another 15 and then a whole 20 seconds (more or less) wasted on this shit. And I swear I also want to go check the length because I remember that when I first saw the episode, the third joke felt like it went on for two minutes. It’s not fun, it’s just boring.

But what’s the problem with that ? Simple : the ending of the episode. At the end of the episode, Cavendish talks with the main trio, learns that Milo was the abductee and then tells the teens to leave. And they just leave, asking no questions whatsoever. Like hello ???? Cavendish has been missing for days, maybe weeks ??? Dakota is desperate to find him ??? Haven’t Dakota told the kids that Cavendish was missing ??? Hadn’t they noticed during “Cast Party” and even before or after that Dakota wasn’t with Cavendish anymore ??? WHY IS NOBODY ASKING QUESTIONS ???? Why didn’t the kids go like “Oh yeah, we saw Cavendish today” to Dakota ??? Why waiting DAYS before telling him ??? Hell, in “Escape”, he talks about finding Cavendish like the kids knew ! So what the hell was that all about ?!

Seriously. Would it have been too hard to remove that dumb recurring joke and instead have an angsty scene in which Milo points out that Cavendish is considered missing, only for Cav to feel bad about it, making us feel for him, and then tell the kids that he’s doing what he believes is for the best and then ask them to keep it a secret from Dakota ? How come the only time we see Cav feel bad about leaving is in a fan animation ?

This seriously pisses me off. The whole arc about Cavendish going rogue could have been one of my favorites. We could’ve seen him struggle to live, think about what he’s doing and why, feel homesick or missing Dakota and the others. Hell, he’s been stuck alone and conscious in an ice cube for who knows how long, so why did he never take the time to reflect during that time ? And yes he was conscious. When he gets trapped, his eyes move and when he’s saved, he’s able to protect his face the very moment the ice break, showing that he was well-aware of Dakota breaking the cube.

But no. Instead, this arc spends like 30% of its screen time on Cavendish doing a Candace-like joke about trying to show the ship and 70% of the screen-time on Dakota sulking. And in the last episode, there’s a scene in which Cav complains about Octalia, only to be remembered that he can save the planet; and then he goes on a rant about how he’s going to be the hero of Octalia, showing that he didn’t learn a fucking thing from his arc.

This pisses me off. This really pisses me off. No wonder I wrote like 5 oneshots around that arc. I need to get that “Cavendish is struggling” angst juice one way or another.

And speaking of bad arcs…

6. Zack’s plot

So in the first episode of the season (not counting the crossover), the characters talk about how Zack is a coward who tries to get over his fears. Ok so first question : since when is Zack considered a coward ? I mean, he’s very cautious when it comes to Murphy’s law, yes, but being cautious is not the same as being a coward. Besides, Murphy’s law is dangerous. And for most of the episodes, his reactions are the same as Melissa and Milo, when Milo gets scared. As for his fear of fish, anyone can have these kinds of irrational fears. Also there’s the Halloween episode in which it’s made clear that he doesn’t have much fears aside from the fear of dying from the unpredictable, hence his usual resentment with Murphy’s law.

It’s also worth mentioning that MML follows the trope of having a group with two guys and one girl; with one guy being the main character, the girl being the smart one and the second guy being the coward or the forgettable one in certain shows. I think this might be one of the reasons why there’s this idea that Zack is a coward.

But aside from the fact that, in my personal opinion, this plot comes out of nowhere, there’s also the problem that we barely see it at all. I mean, in “Snow Way out”, it’s put into the story. Then they completely forget about it and Zack goes back to act chill and cautious until “Freefall” whose entire plot revolves around Zack being fearful (again, rightfully fearful given the situation). Then it’s dropped again until “The Mid-Afternoon Snack Club” with the idea that Zack feels overshadowed by Milo (which, honestly, sounds like a more interesting arc than the whole fear thing). And finally, it’s dropped yet again until the very last episode in which they keep insisting that he has no fear anymore.

Seriously, am I the only one seeing this ? Or am I just bad at noticing the character growth ?

7. Smaller pet peeves

So that last point is a list of small things that bother me in this season but that I don’t see myself write 10 paragraphs about :

- Most of the supporting cast needed more screentime. Seriously, characters like Neal and Veronica basically don’t exist this season, Sara also has a much more minor role, Bradley desperately needs some kind of character arc, most of the school characters and staff are also pretty absent (we miss you Drako !), Brick and Savannah only appear twice, once being a cameo in front of a pistachio cart, and I’m sure there’s more that I forgot.

- A very personal opinion so it’s not really a pet peeve but time travel was much more interesting than aliens, though the plots were pretty similar with the people involved trying to get to Milo, only for Murphy’s law to occur and ruin their plan. Also, while I really like the captain/leader, the two guys sent to capture Milo are your usual comedic duo, like the two small devils in Disney’s Hercules (I don’t know their name in English, I only know that they’re named “Peur” and “Panique” in French).

And fun fact, “Spy Little Sister” is probably my favorite episode of the season, and while watching it, I really had a feeling of “god I missed that” when time-travel occurred. Though, I’ll admit, the aliens plot does a much better job using Murphy’s law, not only with the aliens failing constantly because of it but also especially in the finale with each character having their own backpack to “fight against it”.

- Bob Block. There was some potential with that character (*cough* villain *cough*). Though, I won’t develop here because I already did at the beginning of another post.

- The episode “Game Night” is weird to me. Like, it’s not a bad episode, on the contrary it’s a great one, but at the same time I find myself not liking it. I think the main problem is that it should’ve been a season 1 episode due to the whole thing with the deadly vortex and how Cavendish and Dakota somehow knew what it was. Also I feel like there’s a waste of characters. I mean, we get the Murphy parents, Neal and Cav and Dakota and yet it feels like the episode is mostly focused on the main trio + Sara. Also Veronica was robbed. They could have easily removed the whole vortex thing, hence removing Cavendish and Dakota from the story, and have Veronica with the group instead. Look I love the two time-travelling idiots but other characters deserve some spotlight too.

Besides, thinking about it, it’s a bit sad that Cavendish and Dakota don’t really interact with the others when they’re on screen. There’s like 5 people in the room and yet we either see them talk to each other or to the group in general (though to be honest this disconnect between characters even when they’re in the same room is also in the crossover and the season 2 finale).

So yeah, this episode is weird. It has tons of elements that should make me love it (the Murphy parents; Neal; Melissa being Melissa; Dakota being Dakota; some Daka//vendish, including a 3 seconds argument that has some of the biggest “old married couple” energy we’ve seen in this show; Milo and Sara being overly dramatic babies; the Veronica cameo). And yet, I somehow can’t find myself really liking it. It’s weird.

So, overall, it was still a pretty good and solid season. Most episodes were pretty fun and enjoyable. But they were still a lot of small issues that, in my opinion, makes season 1 much better; and when I decide to watch random moments of the show or watch full episodes, I tend to mostly pick in that first season.

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jojosthetic-boogaloo · 5 years ago

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@marysuepatrol says: Hi! I’m sending this in as a submission for length’s sake, don’t want to annoy you by sending in a ton of asks! Anyways, if it’s not too much to ask, may I please get a moodboard matchup from parts 1-5? (they’re so pretty omfg)

I’m a bi 5'2 Asian girl, and I’m an ENTP. I love taking care of plants and cats, along with most other animals! I’m a pretty bold person with something of a sense of justice, and I’m never afraid to speak up against stuff I don’t agree with. I have some trust issues due to a formerly emotionally abusive relationship, mostly relationship-wise and not friendship wise. I’m pretty witty, and I’m a huge believer in fate and supernatural stuff, like fortune telling and the occult. I like reading, drawing and writing! I find world culture very fascinating, especially the languages and music, and I’d love to travel the world one day! I love learning new things, and I really like going to libraries (especially older ones!) on a nice afternoon, especially with my s/o! Usually, I’m pretty laid back and a friendly person in general. I like to tell jokes/bad puns with people I’m really close to, and I love giving to people/helping them out! With a s/o, I’m more attracted to smart people and people who have more life experience than me tbh, since I’d also want someone who can guide me in a relationship!

That was sorta long, but thank you so much!! Please take your time on these matchups, I know they take a while sometimes but you’re doing great! <3

Hi Mary sweetheart!!! I’ll smooch your entire face you’re adorable as heck sashdhf <3 Now before I get rambly and spend this entire matchup just saying how much i love you and thank you, let’s get to the juice.

Your matchup! You do realize that you’re giving me here a type that I could not pass over, right? The moment I got midway your request I knew exactly who to match you up with. When I finished reading, I also decided to add in a small brochup, for the sake of being soft. So, here ya go! Double the jojo double the fun!

Translation: “It must have been fate, but I’m thankful we met, bella.”

Risotto Nero!

You met because Risotto had to leave the office for something to snack on since the gang had eaten almost everything there was in there. He was terribly hungry, terribly tired and terribly irritated, but he still kept his usual neutral expression.

As he walks, he makes his way to the nearest convenience store, that currently has a construction team working on a platform to fix the building right next to it. When he’d crossed below the platform, you happened to be about to enter the store too, looking at him from a distance due to his peculiar appearance and telling him with a raised eyebrow and half a smile in a friendly tone “That’ll be bad luck for ya, sir.”. He finds your remark amusing and retorts with “I could be back luck for them, miss.” You laughed it off as a casual tough guy comeback, though, you did not know he was serious about it.

Since he barely ever makes the effort to speak to others, he decides to let the conversation be done with as soon as you both enter the store, each making your way and giving a small departing nod to each other as you leave for different aisles.

After a while walking though the aisles and grabbing your items, you notice a common thought cross your mind. “I haven’t crossed him once yet.” And it slightly saddened you. You thought of this as a simple after effect reaction to having interacted with a handsome (and kinda scary) man that gave you three seconds of his day and exchanged some words with you. It had been a notable experience in your day and your brain was just giving it some spotlight, no big deal.

To your pleasant surprise, you notice him step before you into one of the checkup lines, and decide to go to the same one just to try and get the chance to even say a simple goodbye after checkup. When it’s his time to pay, you hear him let out a confused and quite irritated “hah?” for he did not find neither money nor his credit card in his wallet. Formaggio must had taken it without permission; again. All for his stupid gambling habits.

As he clenched his perfectly sharp and strong jaw (you couldn’t help but note this, the man was quite a sight), not knowing how to react; you stepped in tapping him on the back, smiling at him confidently when he turned and announcing to the cashier you’d pay for his items. He was only purchasing a beer and some chips, what harm could it do to your wallet.

He’s indebted to you now, Risotto instantly thought. That’s how it worked in his mind. If he ever gets something from someone, it must not be left as a good action, there has to be some interest behind it. Yet, when he could not pinpoint the reason you’d want him to pay you back for anything, he simply decided on paying it back to you because you seemed just genuinely nice and not mean spirited in the slightest. Just a regular, nice civilian.

He offers to invite you to some coffee next time you meet as thanks and offers you his number, which you take in gleefully. You didn’t even have to ask and you got this hell of a man’s phone number? Today was worthy of being noted in your calendar. After exchanging numbers, he gives you a nod and the slightest, smallest hint of a cordial smile and leaves his own way, leaving you wondering if you’d just seen the slight hint of a dimple form on his overall solemn looking face.

You sent him a text informing him it’s you, the convenience store girl. He replies with a “Ok” which throws you a bit off balance. He can’t help it, he’s bad with words and even worse with texts. “Is your schedule open on Friday afternoon?” He follows up, making you smile due to his unnecessary formal tone. “For coffee, I mean.” He quickly adds, which makes you giggle. He’s endearingly awkward and stupidly formal, that was interesting, you were curious.

When you meet for coffee that wonderfully awaited Friday, you almost fall off the chair when you see him dressed in what, usually, you’d call casual clothes (because let’s be honest, what he wore to the convenience store made him look like a bdsm gester, not that you minded though). The perfect fit of his V neck white shirt and the lack of his hat made you swallow, quickly composing yourself and placing your hands on your lap under the table. “Hi, you look…” He started, seemingly struggling to find his words as he slid the chair back and sat before you. “Positively beautiful, Y/N.” You felt a knot in your throat when this handsome, intense looking man told you that, giving him a nervous giggle and a smile, looking him in the eye after much effort and adding an almost too quiet. “You too, Risotto.”

He’s the silent listener type, he nods at your statements and gives you the occasional “yes” or “mhm”. You did not expect him to actually end up asking after you mentioned you liked books. “What type of books?” He asked, a curious, most endearing smile on his face while he stirred his coffee in the big black mug he’d ordered. You took a sip off yours and after organizing your thoughts, you told him. When you mentioned you’d love to go to an old library to spend the afternoon, he immediately told you he’d be glad to join you. What a shame he didn’t let you finish the sentence with a “-with my future significant other, that’d be a wonderful date.” You didn’t dare utter those words now, having a rotund “yes” already from the man.

You go to a fancy, old Italian library next weekend (after admittedly sneaking out of the office and leaving Prosciutto in charge for the afternoon). He tells you about his favorite reads, recommending you some books while you quietly admire him from the side and give him the occasional nod and smile when he catches up on you being silent for longer than expected, fearing you’d grown bored of his rambling.

As the afternoon goes by, you stop by at the romantic-drama aisle. The big round glass windows letting the golden hour sun sip through and clash against his herculean features, which you couldn’t help but stare at. Seeing him standing there, the way he calmly stood there with such a mature look in his face whilst skimming through a book he’d surely have read before already… it was silly, but it made your heart thump gingerly on your chest.

He catches you staring, scoffing quite embarrassed thinking its because you think he’s weird looking. After clearing his throat and placing the book back in the bookcase, he turns to you and gives you an intense stare whilst crossing his arms over his chest. Oh god, he was well trained as well. Just by looking at his biceps you felt he’d be able to snap you in half without any problem if he so desired to.

“Yes, I do know I look scary, but I’ve no intention to harm-” you cut him off with something he did not expect to hear. “No, Nero, I just think you’re someone I could look at for hours and never get tired.” You blurted out, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear and looking down when you thought back on what you’d just told him.

Before you could apologize, you rose your gaze and noticed he’d just taken his eyes off you and cast them back to the books on his side, the slightest shade of red decorating his cheeks now as he visibly bit the inside of his cheek, clueless on how to react properly to your remark. Sure, he had the emotional intelligence and the self awareness of a log, but even he knew that wasn’t meant as a casual compliment.

“…Anyways, I think you’d like this one.” He kept going, as if nothing happened, which made you smile tenderly at him. You gave him a nod and kept browsing books with him until it got dark. He silently assigned himself to escort you back home, with his hands on his pockets while you occasionally commented on the weather or on the books you’d taken notes off that he mentioned.

One day, you met up to chat about a book he’d lent you, his favorite. You mentioned you liked it, but that you’d like to try something that dealt with more obscure themes, like the occult or the supernatural. He gave you an amused smile, thinking of your taste as interesting and kind of cute. He lent you the perfect book for your request, which you read in record time and spammed his text messages with commentary about it’s ending almost immediately, amusing him through his sleepless working night. Honestly, late working nights had taken a different turn ever since he’d met you, with your occasional messages and even more rare calls. He worried if you got enough sleep, but still, greatly appreciated your figurative company.

One of those late night messaging sessions, you decided to take your relationship a small step forward, aside from talking about books and going for coffee or to the library, you wanted to share a meaningful experience with him. And you’d just gotten a perfect Ad for the situation on your social media.

“Riz, u up?” You began, smiling mischievously for you knew he’d look at his phone with a raised eyebrow when he read your text. “Did you just shorten my name to address me?” He replied, almost immediately, which caught you a bit off guard. It was 2 am after all. “Yes, ur up. Anyways, could you come with me tmrrow to a special event? I really want to go, but none of my friends are interested and I really need someone I can trust to go with” He’d seen it, he stayed in the chat, but he took slightly longer to reply than usual, he was surely thinking about what you meant with “special event”. “…” He started, earning a quiet victory gesture from you on your end. “You trust me?” Your face fell into a pout. How did just three words from him make you feel so bad all of a sudden? You felt like giving him a hug honestly, but sadly, your relationship hadn’t gotten so far, yet. “I think I established that, yes.” You typed down, and after three painful minutes of wait, he came back with a quick, simple answer. “Hour and location, I’ll be there.” After a short pause, he followed the message up with another. “But, if I may ask, what is the event about?” You smiled, feeling your heartbeat chirp away in your chest upon such a quick, assertive and formal response. “A fortune teller is in town and I really want to get my future read.” You almost added “with you”, but refrained. Quickly beaming a bright smile at your phone at his reply. “Alright, sounds good.”

At the reading, the fortune teller tells you she sees a tall, handsome man coming into your life in an unexpected turn of events and invading your mind with thoughts of him. Eventually invading your heart as well. She gives a side glance to Risotto and then back to you, then back to the cards. “Maybe this has already happened or is about to.”

You shift in your seat awkwardly and let out a nervous laugh. “Is there anything else about it?” The lady looks back down once more and flips the three remaining cards, a wide smile on her lips as she gives you both a nod. “I see wealth, happiness and great amounts of love in this reading. You’ll enjoy your lover’s input in your life greatly, long-term. Here, it shows just how intensely they care and nurture you with their knowledge and feelings.” Risotto was looking intently at the fortune teller, and you did not know how to react to this, placing your hands tightly in fists on your lap. “That’s wonderful… Thank you miss, now we better be-” She cuts you off and points at Risotto. “I believe I’ve got a reading for this man too, don’t worry, for the price of only your reading.”

You sit back down, patting your thighs nervously while the woman mixes the tarot cards once more. Risotto chooses his cards and the woman begins flipping them. “I see you’re a man who’s suffered a great deal, this is what your past tells me. Immense amounts of pain, of loss and of uncertainty. You did in fact feel a sense of emptiness and unfullfillment in you, until recently.” She stopped. A knowing smile on her face when she flipped the present cards. “Your present tells me there’s been a femenine figure in your life that has completely bewitched you. She’s managed to carve her presence into your heart and you let her do it willingly. Could it be an innocent crush? Or maybe it’s something deeper?” After hoovering her hands over the cards and closing her eyes for a moment, she clicked her tongue with a mischievous smile on her face. “Yes, you’re completely enthralled. You even often dream about this woman, and it’s not always as innocently as you present it in your heart to be.”

Risotto coughs and looks to the side, you notice he’s nervously playing with his fingers, then he looks back at the woman. Flipping his last cards, she chuckles and claps her hands. “This is a wonderful future ahead of you mister! Nothing but a bright light that you so desperately needed in your life is what occupies your future reading.” She paused, caressing one of the cards with her finger and nodding. “I see a determining turn in your feelings, taking a solid form somewhere soon. During some type of trip maybe? Is it just a date? Or is it you’re going somewhere together?” She questioned for herself, then looked back at you both. “At any rate, I’m very happy for you both.”

You shook your head while waving your hands in front of her, dismissive. “No! It’s not like that! We’re just… friends.” You felt hurt just by uttering the word. And, by what you saw out of the corner of your eye, so was Risotto, who looked at you and back at the fortune teller with a rare, saddened and tense look on his face. “I…” he started, swallowing before getting up from his seat and giving the fortune teller a nod and her money. “I do hope your readings are correct, miss.” He finished in a quiet tone, turning around without looking at you with a slight blush on his cheeks.

Before he exited the room, the lady spoke once more, shuffling the cards back into the deck once more. “You really do feel for the woman in question, do you not, child?” He stopped in his tracks, not turning around and looking down on the floor. After what felt like forever for you, and feeling your heartbeat on your throat, you heard him mutter. “I do.” Then he left. Why was he so dramatic?!

You were about to run after him when the lady directed her speech to you once more. “Miss.” She started, tucking the deck back into a very pretty, fancy looking box. “Cherish him, he’s damaged goods and I get a hunch you are too. He’s risking breaking again just to get to you.”

You gave her an enthusiastic nod and a smile as you ran out to chase after him. “I will, thanks!” You replied after crossing the curtain and stepping outside once more, noticing the subject of your affection standing quite noticeably (why is he so tall??) next to the bus stop’s post, letting the bus leave without him. He was waiting for you even though his embarrassment.

“Riz!” You exclaimed, waving your hand at him and smiling awkwardly as you walked close to him, ending up almost touching his arm with yours when you caught up. He gave you a small smile, and this time you did notice the dimple that formed on his face. Not helping it, you giggled and pointed it out. “You get dimples when you smile, that’s an adorable contrast to your serious look.” He coughed whilst covering his mouth with his fist and pretended to look at the timetable once more. “Don’t say that.” He muttered, and you felt your lips turn down into a confused pout. “Why not?”

He turned to look at you, raising his arm and hoovering his index and middle finger over your lips, not touching but almost, feeling the warmth from them seep into your lower lip. “Because I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it as well next time. And I want to keep being your…” He dragged off, letting the sentence die down in his throat as he stared down at you with half lidded eyes, thinking about something and noticing how his mouth curved slightly down.

You slowly rose your hand and grabbed his wrist, guiding his hand and letting it rest flat on your cheek instead, tilting your head and nuzzling into the touch of his hand. “Riz.” You prodded him, giving him a gentle smile. You swallowed trying to disguise the huge ball of nerves you were right there, with his hand on your face as you’d dreamed all those late nights where you texted and wanted to have him there instead. After a deep breath, you closed your eyes and gave the hand on your face a gentle press against it. “I’m in love with you, I think.” You finally confessed.

Not having the time to even open your eyes, you felt your body lift off the ground, being prompted into strong arms and instinctively wrapping your arms into this person’s neck. As you were being held bridal style in the most stupidly romantic scenario, the sunset bathing both your figures and the delightful summer breeze blowing away your worries, you felt a pair of plump lips press against yours, gently, clearly filled with sentiment but still keeping the sensation as sweet.

You stared at him through half lidded eyes and finally, kissed him back, which earned a pleased grunt on his part and a small tug on your bottom lip. Then he broke off the kiss, seemingly coming back to his senses. Quickly, he dropped you off (careful not to hurt you and placing you with practiced gentleness on the ground), his expression apologetic and extremely distressed, not knowing where to place his hands.

“Y/N I’m, I’m so immensely sorry, I didn’t mean to- Well I did but I didn’t- I don’t know if I should-” He was stuttering, he didn’t know what to say and was sincerely panicking over the simple thought of you not ever wanting to see him again, or worse, you disliking him. You gave him a small smile, pressing two fingers to your lower lip whilst relishing the sensation to yourself. When you looked back at him, he seemed to be weirdly quiet, staring at your gesture, confused. “Risotto.” You began, tentatively stretching your arm and gently touching his hand with yours with the purpose of holding his in yours. When you did, you felt him take a sharp breath in, looking at you, expectant. “…Then does this mean it was okay to-” He got cut off by himself when he shut his mouth tight after seeing you rise his hand in yours to your lips and giving it a loving kiss.

“Risotto, please do that as many more times as you’d like. I loved it.”

The man was over the moon, prompting you into his arms once more, this time holding you by your hips and placing another tender kiss on you, a small triumphant smile lingering on his lips.

When dating, he’d love to laze around his or your place on a couch or in bed, watching horror movies or having you rest on his lap while you let him play with your hair and hum a soft tune. He’ll only do this when you’re alone though, he won’t appear so vulnerable and soft in front of anyone else.

For your birthday, expect him to always gift you the same things. A new tiny plant, a book of his choice and an item that caters to your obscure tastes. Will it be a tarot deck, a creepy doll, an amulet this time? Who knows, only Nero knows.

He knows you love cats, so eventually, he’ll surprise you with a cute big box on Christmas, when you open it, you did not expect the tiniest, cutest kitten to be inside of it. As soon as it saw you both and meowed, you threw yourself into Risotto’s arms and showered him in kisses, which he couldn’t help but chuckle about and hold you tight so you wouldn’t fall from your monkey hug.

“See? I got her a tabby, so you can’t joke about it being bad luck.”

You just love so much this man what did you do to deserve him.

He actually really likes to cook when he’s got the time to! So get ready for nice fancy dinner nights when you get to meet after work or on weekends!

He’s surprisingly really cuddly once you’re behind closed doors, and, well, if you suggest it, a little bit more than cuddly too.

When one summer he comes back home announcing he got a slight raise in his pay, you can’t do anything but jump from the sofa and run at him for a hug, which he takes advantage of and sweeps you off your feet, giving you a welcome kiss instead and, once you’re back down in the floor, he takes an envelope from his back pocket and gives it to you. The amount of love and pampering the Italian got that night was memorable when you noticed the contents of the envelope were plane tickets to that place you always so dearly wanted to visit.

He’ll read to you in a quiet, murmuring voice when you can’t sleep at night, having you rest against his chest or his side as he lets his reading glasses rest on the tip of his nose, which you laugh about sometimes, but he shushes you with a kiss on your forehead or the tip of your nose telling you to “quiet down and hurry sleep”.

He won’t get your bad puns at first, he’s dense like that. But, eventually, you’ll hear him let out bad puns as well when you’re at home, or whispered into your ear as you wait in line in public. You’d let out a pun and he’d look you dead into your eyes and after cracking half a smile he’ll reply with “That, wasn’t very punny of you, my dear.” Please laugh he looks so happy with his progress he’s aching for your bad pun validation.

Bruno Buccellati!

Bruno just really likes how you have this kind, easygoing nature to yourself, yet never quiet down if you want to speak out about something. Strong and kind, he thought of you very highly!

He does feel quite the scare when you mention your rather unconventional likings, but he can’t help but listen with a tender expression on his face. He can’t help it! You look so happy talking about it he just feels bound to listening.

Bruno will be very nurturing towards you. He’ll surprise you with gifts now and then. Need new art supplies? He’s got you. New books to read? He’ll take you shopping for one. Just need a hug and someone to talk with? He’ll be at your door in negative seconds.

He gives you very good advise with your plants! He didn’t look it, but he’d read enough books about tending to plants to know his stuff when he told you.

He really likes cuddles, he lives for it. Be it after a long day at work, after an entire day in the house, a date day, even out in public, he won’t mind the stares and he’ll hold you close into a hug from behind, resting his chin on your head.

Will absolutely never let you eat takeout if his life depends on it. You either eat his home-cooking or yours, but if you do anything else, perish. (Not perish, he’d rather die for you instead but like, you get it.)

Sometimes you’ll help him out with his work by sitting next to him on his desk, and he’ll thank you with a smile, a sweet kiss and a promise of a nice dinner date. He’ll do the same for you when he’s free from his work! Though he’ll be the one to thank you for letting him help you, sitting you on his lap and spending the rest of the day into each other’s arms.

Brochup: Prosciutto!

Being his boss’s significant other, he’s bound to interact with you more often than usual. Be it him bringing you flowers or breakfast at his boss’s request or just dropping by to take some papers from the apartment, Prosciutto had gradually opened up to you. Even so much as sometimes excusing himself with a false “Risotto told me to fetch something” and spend some time at your place, sitting on the sofa with you while he rambles about his tedious work and you offer him some snacks as consolation.

He really likes you, he finds you sincere, strong and posed. He admires that on a person, and is very happy his superior had found such a partner for himself. Even sometimes, he found himself wondering what it would be like if he were the one in a relationship like yours. He held your relationship as his ideal in the romantic spectrum.

Though not a big fan of occultism, he could get behind you liking supernatural stuff. He even mentioned once he enjoyed reading about cryptid creatures online on his spare time, it was interesting, for him at least.

You opened a whole new world to him; writing. He’d never in his life had written anything for pleasure. And there you were, telling him he could write down anything he thought about into a document on his laptop or a notebook and it would be wonderful. Not long after, he’d bring you his drafts for you to read through. You noticed he had a liking for writing poetry and short descriptive stories about his surroundings, experiences and feelings. You realized he was a very deep person, and when you pointed it out, he blushed and snatched the text from you, muttering an embarrassed “thank you”. He wasn’t good with compliments.

#prosciutto #risotto nero #bruno buccellati #moodboard matchup #matchup #matchup request #jojosthetic-boogaloo #marysuepatrol #submission #jjba #vento aureo

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my-id-eas · 5 years ago

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How do your paras define love?

In my AWOL cosm, which focuses on (fictional) K-pop record label AWOL Entertainment, girl group WonderMod did a project right after their hiatus officially ended. Each one made a video where they gave their personal answers to the following questions:

What is love?

What is true love?

What is fake love?

How do you know when you’re in love?

(Their answers ended up fueling the lyrics to a song on their 10-year anniversary album.)

Daydreaming those videos, and each member’s answers to the questions, has given me a lot of insight into who they are. And trying to come up with 7 definitions of love was a very fun exercise. I’ll share WonderMod’s answers (roughly speaking) below, and I think it’d be cool to hear from you guys as well about how your paras define love.

Hanbyeol: Love is about connection. There’s that idea, that myth, that there’s a red thread connecting all the people who are supposed to meet. I think love is like that. It’s something you just know when it happens, and there’s not much else like it to compare it to. It starts out as something hard to explain, but you just intuitively know that you’re connected to the person... not just in an interest way, like your emotions and who you are, now there’s another person in the mix. That’s how it starts, at least. But threads can break easily, and if you want love to last, you have to put in some kind of intentional effort to strengthen that connection, on a different level than where it started. That’s true love to me. I guess fake love would be trying to deny that fact. Things like “we’re meant to be, the stars aligned for us,” when you haven’t known each other for more than a month or two, that sort of thing.

Gyuri: To me, I know I love something when I invest time in it. I love dance. So I set time aside just for dance, even when it’s not the most convenient. I guess with people, it’s more like wanting to spend time with them not to do some other thing, but just to be with them. It’s a drive towards the person or thing, that doesn’t have some other motive. That’s why love doesn’t make sense half the time. It’s its own separate logic, I think, that nobody gets yet. And that’s probably a good thing. True love... well, fake love is just wanting to be with someone or something, but for another reason. Like if I went on a date with someone because I liked the restaurant we were going to. That’s a bad example, but you get the idea. True love is just not that. Although... I think it’s important that you’re not the only one giving their time. True love is when both people love each other. Like with dance, I spend so much of my time on it, and in turn I get better and I feel happier and more accomplished, and I just enjoy it for what it is. That’s true love.

Hyerin: I don’t think love is a feeling... there are lots of feelings that come with love, and feelings that motivate love, but love itself is more of an action. To me it’s about gratitude. The ways that you show somebody that you’re glad they’re there in your life. I guess that’s the core of love, then, is being grateful for something. Being happy that it’s a part of your life. And then that gratitude is what motivates you to do all the other things that love is. I don’t think you can have true love without both. You have to have the feeling, and you have to have the action. Action with no heart in it is fake love. And feeling love but not acting in a way that shows that, I guess that’s a different kind of fake love. I don’t know how you could really love somebody and not feel moved to do something that shows it.

Won: Love is kind of a matter of priority. If I love somebody, or I love doing a certain thing, I make that a priority in my life. If I have a ton of boring work to do that I hate but I still make it a priority, it’s because I love having a job, ya know? Although there’s no joy in that. Doesn’t seem fair to call that love. That‘s what fake love is, “love” without any joy. So priority, that’s more of a side effect of love. Love is when you’re invested in something just because of what it is, not because you have to be. It’s not an easy thing to pin down. I don’t even really like that definition. I need to work on that. But what I know is... when someone I love and I are in danger, or in trouble, and I think of them first, that’s when I know. That’s true love. It’s when you care about something that much. That you’ll put it before yourself. True love changes you. It changes the way you think. It’s like extending the boundaries that define you to include someone else, and now their life is just as or more important that your own. Seems like a strange thing for people to do... and yet it’s our biggest strength, in a way. It’s what’s kept us around, is being loved.

Soomi: Love is simpler than people make it out to be. I’m not trying to be a killjoy, but love isn’t some crazy complicated inexplicable thing. It just means you want something to keep existing. To love something is want it to exist. The only trouble with that, of course, is that means love isn’t always a good thing. And people don’t like to admit that. But hate for one thing is just love for something else. War is motivated by love. Everything anyone’s done to hurt you was motivated by love. It’s a dangerous thing. But see, I don’t think there’s really “fake love.” You either care about something’s existence or you don’t. But there’s fake love in the sense of not understanding who’s really loving what. Maybe someone doesn’t love their girlfriend, they just love having control over someone or some bs like that. “Bad love” is a dangerous idea, not because it isn’t real but because people get afraid of someone loving them because they think it’ll hurt them. I do think... there’s a difference between wanting something to exist and wanting something to thrive. To exist at its best. I guess that’s why true love is so rare, because how can anyone know for sure what’s best for someone else? You can’t. You have to let that person be who they are. That’s what true love is.

Areum: For me, a lot of it is about trust. I know I love somebody not in this big emotional moment, but when I feel like I can count on them. That I don’t have to be worried, because they’re around. I don’t know if that’s what love is, but that’s how I know I love somebody or something. With fake love, it’s not really its own thing, so much as it’s like thinking you love someone or someone telling you they love you when it isn’t true. The feeling has to be there or it’s just hollow. I guess if I had to define what love itself is... I think it can be a lot of different things. There’s not just one kind of love. Weren’t there 7 or 8 words for love in ancient Greece? They’re all different things, but they kinda lead to similar feelings. It’s a feeling of being at home, really, is what it is. What am I missing? Right, true love... the people I love, I feel like I can trust them. But the people I truly love are the ones that make me feel like I can trust myself. That’s the best way I can put it.

Jinju: Love’s kind of a weird feeling, if you think about it... it’s like when psychologists talk about the zone. You know, this state of mind where you’re focused but not stressed, and you’re not thinking but your head’s clear, like that. Love is like being in the zone. It is being in the zone, even. When you just have a crush on somebody, you might get all anxious about what you’re going to say to them and how they’ll respond and are they a good kisser, and all that stuff. I guess if I had to define fake love, it’d be that, but that feels too strong. It’s infatuation, which is fine, it’s just something different. But when there’s true love, all that nervousness goes out the window and it’s just you and them. You lose track of time, and you’re just there in that moment, and it’s because of someone else being there with you. Which I think is pretty cool. And it’s not just people, of course, but most people talk about being in the zone with activities they love. I think it’s true with people too. It’s not something you can make happen, or see coming. It just is. I dunno. I tend to overthink things, so those moments when I don’t are when I feel best. Naturally, that’s how I would think about love.

#awol.cosm #hanbyeol.para #gyuri.para #hyerin.para #won.para #soomi.para #areum.para #jinju.para #paraportal #immersive daydreaming #ider

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ketsui-deathtiny · 6 years ago

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I made a goty list for once, here’s like my last minute ramblings about cool games.

7. Dark Souls Remastered

Dark Souls is literally my favorite game ever and I could literally talk about it all day. The remaster is literally dark souls but it runs and I have genuinely wanted that for years, like, even with DSfix Dark Souls 1 still ran like garbage, ontop of the original game's 60 fps bugs and kinda bad netcode. The remaster fixes most of that and it's a godsend it runs at a smooth 60 for me even in like, the worst areas, the bugs associated with 60 fps are mostly gone, you don't have the weird gravity issues atleast and can't get stuck on bonfires/ladders. The netcode is still kinda bad but it's definately better, and tbh all of the multiplayer changes are things I like. Main reason this isn't higher is because I have already played Dark Souls to death, this is just a way more convenient way to do so, and with a way healthier playerbase for the first few months.

6. Dragon Ball Fighter Z

Hey I've been fucking dying for a new MvC for literal years, this ain't it, but it's pretty damn close. Gonna get my bitching out of the way first, damage is way too low, there genuinely isn't enough character variety, zoning sucks, super dash is wack, both offense and defensive options feel kind of lame, and supers take way too damn long. So, despite all of that I still really like this game, like, doing stuff in it is really fun for me even if the reward for doing those things is kinda lame most of the time, I really like everyone even if they're kinda half-baked for the most part, and the team building is still really fun for me. If this was some indie game it probably wouldn't be on this list, but there's also the X-factor of this is the DBZ fighting game and I still love DBZ, so being able to slap people as Goku is like, so good for me even if like overall it could be a way better experience. Overall this game could be way better but it's an actually good DBZ game and it has good enough game feel that I still really really like it as a game.

5. Lethal League Blaze

I really liked the first Lethal League but that game always felt half-done to me, like it was one or two things away from being a really good game. Lethal League Blaze is basically that, it's an improvement in every way of the first, with everything being way more fleshed out in ways I really like. Biggest thing is everyone can double jump now, which adds such an insane amount of depth to the game because literally everyone's movement options have basically doubled, like now as Switch I can do stuff like jump, wall-ride, fall, double jump, and like all of that to basically give myself way tricker ways to move around and it feels super satisfying. They also added grabbing the ball to the game which basically acts as a counter to the parry mechanic but also has a ton of other niche uses because it has no hitstop and you can do all sorts of combo stuff with it. If you haven't played the game yet I seriously suggest checking it out, it's really cool and stylish and just feels super good to play overall.

4. Monster Hunter World

I've never played a Monster Hunter before and honestly I'm glad this one's the first, because it's pretty unjanky compared to like, what I've heard about the rest of the series. I don't really have to say much besides this game feels super good to play, like doing anything is super satisfying and even if I'm like crushing a monster it always feels kind of by the skin of my teeth just due to how quickly stuff can go wrong. It also came out at a time when I wasn't playing FFXIV so having a pretty mmoesque game to play instead like, definately made me play it way more, and the only reason I really stopped is the end game is kind of lame. Like I have a lot of good stuff to say about this game but not in an overall sense, but this is definately one of the best games to come out this year.

3. UNIST

Hey Uniel was really fucking good, this is Uniel but better. Everyone feels way more fleshed out, Akatsuki got buffed, the new mechanics are really cool and like interesting to play around with, Akatsuki got buffed, all of the new characters are cool, Akatsuki got buffed, and overall just the balance and stuff feels way better. Like, Uniel is a really cool and satisfying game and having like, that but moreso is like a fucking lot, just pressing buttons and shit in this game is so satisfying and even the most basic shit feels cool as hell. Like, basically everything I liked about Uniel is still there while there’s just a lot more to play around with and stuff along with some nice things like new songs and stages and that sort of stuff. Also hey my boy got fuckin' buffed!

2. Deltarune

If you have not played the Deltarune demo do that like, the second you can, it's really fucking good and builds off Undertale in super interesting ways. Biggest like things I can talk about cuz I don't really want to spoil shit is just, it's way more of a game than Undertale like, there's an actual combat system there that matters and it's super satisfying despite like, how simple and stuff it is. It plays with the mechanics that are super well. I don't know I genuinely don't have much to say here besides uh Undertale 2 is kinda real. The whole package is super cute and charming and makes me incredibly excited for whatever the full game is, only real reason this isn’t higher is because it’s just a demo.

1. BBTag

Hey this game's fucking good don't sleep on it. It's probably the best simplified fighting game out there in terms of how they actually simplified shit, and as an actual fighting game because they didn't really concede anything to make it simpler. Damage is super high, mixups are super grimy, basically every playstyle is represented and like honestly that feels like something that's been missing from a lot of modern fighting games, like, you can actually super oppressively zone and it's cool as hell. As far as the central conceit of the games goes only one of these games I was really familiar with before is the uni side of the cast and they hold up pretty well besides like, Merkava because they removed his 2L hitting low so his mix is way less grimy, and I'd assume the rest of the characters are in similar spots where like hey if you play this dude in Blazblue or Persona you can kind of just jump in with them and be sort of familiar with what they do and that's like, super super cool to me. In conclusion I guess I like the main 4 characters from RWBY now?

I felt like I should’ve written some words about games I really liked this year, so if you read all of that genuinely thank you.

#kuralist

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morshtalon · 6 years ago

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Dragon Quest

What would be the consequence in the videogame industry if Dragon Quest never existed?

For those who somehow don’t know yet, Dragon Quest, released as Dragon Warrior overseas due to some complications with trademarks, while there is some controversy as to what was truly entirely pioneered by it, is credited as the first game to embrace and present the common tropes we associate with classic, console jRPGs today. Even if those credits can be contested, however, it still bears undeniable meta importance within the zeitgeist of japanese gaming, and countless upon countless games can have their origins traced back into DQ’s legacy...

For example, Mr. Shigesato Itoi would use it as direct inspiration for his mother series (the first game bearing many similarities to Dragon Quest with some fresh coatings of paint), which later went on to itself inspire a certain game called Undertale, don’t know if you’ve heard about it?

For further example, there’s this one series called Final Fantasy that basically owes every aspect of its existence to Dragon Quest, considering most of its own games are improvements and twists on mechanics taken from DQ’s own installments. How’s that one doing now?

Also, if you scroll down a bit, you’ll come across my Lufia 1 review. Give it a read while thinking about this, if you could.

In any case, it’s interesting to form this “genealogy” and view just exactly how powerful an impact one thing can have within its medium.

That said, it is essentially a 1986 game with few guidelines driving its design, drawn from its own inspirations in the Wizardry and Ultima series of western RPGs, which can have their lineage traced back to dungeons and dragons, which emerged from tabletop wargames, which... anyway, I digress. Nowadays jRPG gaming has evolved into something far, far apart from DQ’s idiosyncrasies, going on to develop idiosyncrasies of its own, and therefore with modern eyes the game doesn’t even feel like it belongs in the same place. I’ve read reviewers having trouble distinguishing nostalgia from things that are actual merits of the game, and the answer to the question of whether it is an antiquated piece of vaporware belonging in a museum or the aforementioned different approach to concepts that have drifted away over the years is difficult to answer with that state of mind. The first time I played DQ to completion was in 2018, so bearing absolutely no nostalgia for it, I will aim to answer this question in the clearest manner possible.

Dragon Quest is the story of one lone dude with historically inaccurate viking headwear on a bloodline-driven quest to square off against a not-ancient (!!!) evil dude, who took an incandescent lightbulb (that really has no point being there at all), painted it black so the light wouldn’t shine through the coating and that resulted in the land being overrun with monsters conveniently spread out from his fortress to the hero’s starting position in a balanced scaling level of difficulty, in order to provide the hero with the opportunity to build up his muscles and learn healmore eventually because you can’t win the game without it. In the way, there are no plot surprises, there are no rivals, heck, there aren ‘t even any friends (though there is one quite friendly character), you have one major goal given to you right at the start that never changes and one minor one that’s entirely optional and also pretty much given to you at the same point, a cute little world to explore, a few puzzle-esque minor hoops to jump through in order to reach the final dungeon (which together probably don’t amount to half an hour) and tons and tons and TONS of level grinding to do. But how does it execute it all?

Depending on what you’re looking for, holding dragon quest up to scrutiny with the most recently released wizardry or ultima at the time is akin to comparing a book to a movie: many of the complexities and raw content of the formats being used are eschewed in favor of a simpler, trimmed-out experience with a more visual approach (which is humorous now considering the intense density of text contained in DQ in comparison to modern games). Yuji Horii intentionally designed the game to be an experience that newcomers would find easy to learn but veterans would still dive into the intricacies of the mechanics. There is only one party member, only one enemy per battle, only 2 stats besides HP and MP, spells are few and perform simplistic effects, equipment follows a straightforward progression with no multiple choices to he found and the list goes on. To that end I must say I don’t agree with the second part or Mr. Horii’s statement: of course there ARE people who dissected the entire game and have figured out, mattered and exposed every single assembly line there is about this product, but only liminal knowledge of the mechanics is required for one to complete the game, and there is an at best marginal need to even know what’s going on in order to play it with reasonable success; there is just THAT little to it. The most complex strategies involved in the battles amount to casting sleep or stopspell beforehand to prevent enemies from murdering you if you are at a suboptimal level and otherwise wailing away until one or the other gives in.

Is it possible, then, that one of the pivotal and more dearly beloved games in history only achieved its success due to favorable circumstances and a nice (at the time) coating of paint hiding an otherwise non-daring and understimulating product?

...Yes. It is entirely possible. It’s happened many times before with other media, and it’s happened many times since. So is the game a piece of shit? Well... that’s a more complicated answer.

You see, with many future dragon quest games; there’s always something or other I can pinpoint as being a particularity pioneered or otherwise codified and popularized by dragon quest. For example: 2 made popular the common party member progression utilized in many RPG’s throughout time; 3 brought party customization and archetypes (mostly reworked from its blood fathers) into the mainstream; 4 had that AI controlled party member thing and a creative chapter-based method of storytelling (not to mention having a plot back in the day), and so on. Up until now, I hadn’t been able to do the same for the first installment; as previously showcased, the game doesn’t really have innovation, it’s just a simplified version of older stuff.

Then it hit me: the keyword I’ve been looking all along is structure. It’s so obvious to me now that it baffles me I hadn’t thought of it beforehand.

Allow me to illustrate: Ultima barely knew what to even do with its numbers. Levels didn’t serve any purpose for at least 2 games, HP was gained extremely arbitrarily and so were weapons, dungeons also served little to no purpose and there were more red herrings in the game than not-red herrings. Wizardry was more functional but no less loose; party members were these transient things that sort of mattered but sort of didn’t, stats rose and fell in a completely arbitrary fashion and it was once again difficult to discern any practical function in them whatsoever (there are still discussions nowadays about what exactly they do, with only at best vague answers based on more common sense things). Dragon Quest, in its simplicity, had a clear-cut, very obvious flow, everything does exactly what you think it does, nothing is ever lost arbitrarily and items and equipment are beseeched and acquired in 100% non-obtuse, sensical and understandable fashion with no need for peripherals outside the game. This set the base for further development and complexity as the series went on without ever losing track of the main, core design principle of “anyone could pick this up and spend very little time internalizing the concepts herein”. As the complexity began to accumulate, Horii’s statement forged its path to full realization, and along with Dragon Quest, basically every single jRPG followed suit in its advances.

Therefore, this game’s -practical- importance is still, in my opinion, entirely credulous and valid; it’s a stepping stone and a filter, in its reductiveness refashioning dated concepts and sculpting the mindset of players for the ushering in of a new, refined design philosophy, one which would be built upon by its own successors too, but also its peers, all collectively working to fully inject and transform RPG gameplay into the idiossyncratic identity it retains in electronic gaming to this day.

So, that’s all nice and good to discuss, but what is one’s emotion and response when actually playing the game?

There’s no way to answer this question outside of 100% personal input, so in my humble opinion, it’s enjoyable-ish for the right mindset. I already went into it knowing that I would have to appreciate some stuff more conceptually than practically, and I did in fact get enthralled by its offbeat quirks, for what it’s worth. The game really is one “big” item collection puzzle, almost a simplified King’s Quest if you took out the battles, and this worldwide exploration quest would go on to dominate early DQ’s core mindset, with 5 being the first one to break away from it and offer a more linear progression. Frankly, I really enjoy the fact that these old games can get away with disregarding logic sometimes in favor of making the puzzles more interesting (i.e. abusing map boundaries to circle around city walls and access a secret area), and I’m glad the precedent, for a while, was set with DQ, without going overboard with oblique design the way point and click games usually did - perhaps as a byproduct of the memory being busy handling the RPGness of it - and becoming far more fun for it. As previously stated, there is a lot of level grinding, and nothing can really prepare you from the hours of boredom walking left and right waiting for a random encounter, which does act in the game's detriment, but the remakes have softened up the chore I guess so there’s always that option.

Synthesizing the museum piece and actual game aspect of it, Dragon Quest, to me, deserves a 6 out of 10. It is, unfortunately, too simplistic to warrant any higher a rank, and focuses far too much of its time on gameplay that isn’t fun, almost enough to surprise me that the game fared so well, being so intimidating with its earlygame grinding. As I said, however, its importance hoists what fun the gameplay does have into bearably numbing status, and it will give you a feeling of accomplishment when you do strike that death blow against the final boss, like you completed an initiation ritual. I’d recommend it if you’re a genre enthusiast, but you probably already played it if you are so...

#game #rpg #review #criticism #dragon quest

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inhalareexhalare · 6 years ago

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Memento mori.

Nynaeve recommended this before, and I loved it and am remembering.

It suddenly started raining.

Karu also said,

"I think I'm gonna be a terrible dad"

Out of nowhere.

We'd just been talking about his gig today about half an hour ago.

I feel a bit down that I can't seem to find the motivation to keep my work space organized, but I think that's because I put it down too much in my priority list. Dr. Seth told me to take one day off of work, to do housekeeping duties, to express how important it is to her.

Awesome.

From Karu:

Wala lang. I remember Aang being a terrible dad [It's nothing. I remember Aang being a terrible dad]

Aang was a terrible dad according to the old airbender guy from Legend of Korra

Apparently it was Katara that took care of the children cause Aang was busy being the Avatar

Kinda like how Naruto is busy being Hokage

Aang's airbender kid was also obviously favored over the non bender and the waterbender

To Karu:

Hahahahaha I see I see

We won't know until we get there, and we'll never know if we don't keep trying :)

God gave man a partner for a reason, so don't start thinking you're on your own

Outside family, there's also a reason why we're a team, remember? :) No man is an island, and no man is big enough to carry out a vision

I am technically your secretary, so don't hesitate to call for me. In fact, I'd love to help

We're still a small ship of a small crew in such a big sea, so of course it's gonna be busy

The burden gets lighter as more pillars are added, and as these pillars are slowly built with strength over time

...we teach the youth what wonders life can do :)

2018-11-07 12:00 Philippines Wednesday

BOOODLE FIIIGHT!!!!

I ATE TONS OF MEAT! Pork. Chicken. Fish!!!

I feel like I got closer with Ms. Charree.

It was the right choice to return to her side when she was left alone coincidentally. She's sociable, but also shy in many ways.

This is always a fun tradition in the Philippines hahaha! I still have a hard time eating rice with my hands though. My hands don't understand how to do it naturally.

“Privileged ignorance”

Born and bred With spoon and fed

Yes. I am one of those sheltered kids. It's one of the reasons why leaving home was particularly radical to the family tree. It seemed the natural thing to do though when words couldn't get through...

Though I think I could have tried other approaches to help them understand my thoughts. I'd never recommend leaving home abruptly.

It first assumes that you cannot trust your family. It also leaves things on a bad note.

Explorer's motto: always leave things better than when you arrived in there.

You'll have no power to fix things, but you always have the option to be kind and give love to others.

I thank God for sharing his strength and giving me courage today. I was able to smile sincerely at Dr. Seth, at Ms. Charree, at Ms. Len, Jun, Marg, and Deanne, and Cecilia—and I realized how much a tiny gesture can help lighten up someone else's day.

2018-11-07 13:00 Philippines Wednesday

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Don't stop believing.

Cecilia dragged me into the Brothers' House tour with the rest of the gang. I suppose greeting them all the way to the other side at the boodle fight before returning to Ms. Charee was the right choice.

My intention to be a friend came through!

The brothers are so cool! So human. They make the most of life because they have confidence in the love of Life.

Skating, biking, childish jokes, friendships, rivalries, ambition, doubts, faith, laughter...

Being a brother, one of them said, is not about being worthy as a person, but instead about how God is worthy and all his greatness.

How very true!

To whoever’s out there:

No matter where you are in your life and no matter what position you are put into; whenever that nagging feeling comes—"do I deserve this?" remember that you ask a wrong question.

The question is always whether the cause is worth it or not. Answer that, and you'll know what to do and where to put your energy into.

We do not choose our calling, but we choose our faith and meaning.

Life always puts you where you need to be. Your sole resource is what you believe in.

Don't stop learning, don't stop growing. Be open to new ideas, but also stand up for what you believe in.

2018-11-07 14:00 Philippines Wednesday

It's funny how a person's confidence level can only either increase or decrease as the number of group mates fluctuate.

For me, my leadership instincts work better in small numbers. Big crowds tend to overstimulate me and I go quiet to reserve energy.

The commonality among everyone, I think, is that the extent that individuality is compromised is positively correlated to the number of people (that is part of the group) present.

2018-11-07 14:28 Philippines Wednesday

Don't you get it? The anomaly is us—the consciousness, the ego; entities aren't supposed to think about themselves.

Organisms act according to their survival and self-interest, but they think about and react to outside threats (or opportunities) and predators (or friends). They don't flee (or fight) thinking, "how do I defend myself?"

Rather, they think, "how do I survive from this predator?"

Get it? The focus is on the foreign object.

The same way we flail even after hours of practice just because we become overly conscious of how to do things instead of focusing on the goal which would have naturally assisted us in accomplishing it (since we already did practice and it should all have been muscle memory).

We are minor creatures, swayed and small-mindedly occupied with our shadows. No different from a cat that is enamored by a mere laser point.

This thought occurred out of nowhere. But I remember a video that can show you stuff about performance anxiety:

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Still, studying the self has shown exactly how studying the self made us ineffective. Pop quiz. Do you call this a paradox, or an irony?

I rather think it's more of an irony.

2018-11-07 19:00 Philippines Wednesday

Mah keyss.

The girly not-key looks so girly and so unlike me that I like it. It says "Open your mind!" on the tiny pink heart of it.

I think this was an excess Christmas gift when I was in late elementary school days or high school and it used to be a keychain, not a key, but look what I did to it haha

I really like how Ms. Siomai smiles back at me sweetly when I greet her and when I thank them for the meal with my own smiles.

I know she's just being polite, but she seems like she can be an easy-to-talk-to friend.

God always provides enough for his people.

Thank you for this meal.

2018-11-07 20:00 Philippines Wednesday

Peak Meeting adjourned!

Exciting big quests.

“Calm Spell”

I feel sad for some reason, almost to tears But this ain't nothing And it sure as hell ain't everything.

Keep your cool. It's okay. Take it slow.

Focus.

Yana's soul is fuzzy. Like, cozy fuzzy.

She

Tries to reach out to me. In bits, in chewable pieces.

I can feel Her.

Karu and I are out to get the second half of our dinner.

We finally established at tonight's Peak meeting the curfew—23:00. Thank God. Thank you, Ira and Moira.

I don't usually draw that way by the way. I am pretty flexible with art style. The problem? I'm no practitioner. I'm just an on-and-off hobbyist. I'm not even sure I'd count it as a hobby anymore. I used to draw a lot, but then I realized my true love was words.

2018-11-08 00:32 Philippines Thursday

I cried.

A lot. From about 01:00 to 02:38.

I didn't know whether I'd write about this or not, since it's pretty much an inconvenient coincidence that caused it, but here I am.

After the meeting, Karu and I walked outside to get food, right? While walking with him, I wrote that previous entry above this.

Karu had lots of ideas and stories. He cut himself off at least twice, saying instead that I should finish my entry first since I lose my ideas pretty fast when another thing catches my interest.

Turns out he's the same. Walking together, I kind of sensed his slight frustration. But I didn't make room to dive that thought because I wasn't done finishing my thoughts for the entry yet.

We reach stoplight after stoplight, and he suggests that we can get food from a carinderia (small eatery) instead. Cheaper, healthier.

But I still wasn't done analyzing my thoughts for the entry. I kept typing and told him I leave it up to him, and that I'm good with whatever.

Then I noticed we were heading towards the convenience store instead. Only then was I done with the entry. He got my full attention.

We look at sandwiches. They seemed the best option in there.

But we only got 70 pesos. A sandwich that was even worth our time is at least 39 pesos.

I kept suggesting to him that I can go walk back to the house to get more money and he can wait in the store since I knew how much he disliked the action of going back and forth for such trivial things (even things that matter to him).

But he kept saying that my suggestion made no sense. That we had enough.

That confused me. I tried suggesting the 30-peso hotdog sandwiches. Then he said he didn't feel like eating anymore.

He entrusted the money to me and so I walked inside the convenience store while he remained outside and sat on the sidewalk.

I tried to assess the situation, and I thought maybe he liked the 39-peso sandwiches better than hotdogs, but he didn't want to make me have to resort to a hotdog sandwich just to fit the budget.

So that's exactly what I did. Maybe he'd like the sandwich. He didn't feel like eating anymore but we both knew he needed it.

And we head back home and as expected the first thing he did was light up a cigarette at the dirty kitchen.

It was quick, so I could tell he didn't want to be around people. Job, Ira, and Zenith were around.

Entering our room that I occupied was the lesser evil.

After taking our bites, he finally shared why he's so pissed.

He made his own logical assessment of his emotions.

"You are annoying sometimes."

Firstly, he said, he forgot the ideas he wanted to tell me about. Secondly, for some reason he also wanted me to make our decision as he gave suggestions on where to eat. Lastly, he really just wanted to have the time with me to walk and talk to each other.

This was the first time anything like it happened so I was deeply affected. He left the room for water and I took the chance to cry by establishing the threshold: the point where the tears are about to overflow. I wouldn't let it, and distracted myself with other thoughts until I got my neutral face back and cried silently until I reached the threshold again.

He got back, lied down, and we turned the lights off.

When I couldn't restrain my now willingly hidden tears, I turned my back against him and lied on my left side.

My tears overflowed, dying to spill everything. Everything. I did it all silently. I cried hot tears soundlessly.

He clicked his tongue, as he always did when he got pissed. Either it's because he thought I was just leaving things unfinished and going straight to sleep, or his musician ears caught the irregular breathing of my tear-soaked lungs (figuratively). (Fuck musicians.) After a minute maybe, he apologized for "getting pissed."

I wanted to say that it wasn't something he should apologize to me about, but I couldn't say a word. I knew my voice would betray my tears.

I cried some more in the quiet and then finally got the leaning-positive shade of my personality back when I was satisfied with crying my shit out. I lied down on my right this time, facing him.

I asked if he needed the blanket that was accidentally on his pillow, and he gestured a yes by lifting his head. I had a bit of trouble unfolding it, since it was in a messy fold, and was surprised that he helped me.

His hand traveled under the sheets and took my left leg so it was laying over his, as he usually did to show affection. I couldn't muster the balls to hug him as I usually did to return his affection and he sensed it, taking my left hand to let it rest on his left shoulder.

He asked me what was making me feel bad, since according to his understanding of the situation, no one was to blame. It's not wrong to want to write my journal entries. It's not wrong to want to walk and talk with your wife.

After multiple hesitations and anxiety over his patience (he repeatedly asked me what's up with such gentleness), I finally said that it's because I vowed to be a wife and a partner. But all I am is a failure. He touched my face and confirmed my tears.

It's good that I got to deal with the self-obsession somehow, as I realized halfway how my thoughts are beginning to be overly critical and close-mindedly inward. Still, I felt sad.

I felt too guilty to get over this emotionally-perceived mistake.

He said I have more "successes" than "failures," the complete opposite of him. He asked me to mount him (nothing sexual, although it did come to that later when I promoted it HAHA) so I could hug him more naturally.

I wanted to tell him he's wrong, but all I could do was shake my head to our darkness-adjusted eyes, because my voice kept breaking. I'm bad with crying.

He comforted me, saying he couldn't stay mad at me even if he wanted to, unlike his signature temper.

We basically ended on a kind note, but I still think we didn't end with the good we could have. We ended good in a way, but we still have obsessive dwellings on our respective egos. He still thinks he's a bad husband most of the time, and I still think I'm a bad wife most of the time.

We must find a way to get out of this rut. Replace the mode of thinking. It doesn't help anyone.

Also, as a note, Karu didn't know exactly how we got there either. To that conflict. We're usually more flexible than that. I'm just realized after the fact last "night" that he just came from a gig.

That could actually make sense, but I'm not ready to conclude yet.

#memento mori #parenthood #boodle fight #don't stop believing #poetry #vision #group dynamics #ego #self-obsession #performance anxiety #Bloody Roar #anxiety #spell #quote #cry #chrono3

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tlbodine · 7 years ago

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Cringe Tag Game

I’ve seen this passing around and thought it would be fun to join in.

Rules

i. post a quote or short excerpt from your early days of writing (i’m talking old fanfics, slash fics, original fics, etc., that are barely edited and have a ton of technical errors and misspelled words). this is the cringe part. don’t edit anything! let it be horrendous. don’t panic.

ii. post a quote or short excerpt from your most recent works/WIPs. something that you’re proud of. something that you’ve written that makes you smile when you read it.

iii. tag a writer you admire, anyone who you think is amazing, new friends, followers, writeblrs, anyone you’d like to know more about. if you think someone is a great writer and you want to see how they’ve developed their skills, tag them! everyone started somewhere.

---

The Cringe is from the oldest thing on my harddrive, Carnal Jesus. It was my first “serious” novel started when I was 17 (in 2004) and plonked at for four years before I realized I’d spent four years laboring over a book with no plot:

It wasn’t quite dark when Davin got out of work that Thursday; the sun was caught in the space between late afternoon and early evening, hanging low on the horizon but burning cold, a thick hazy-orange disc of light that spread over everything, making the colors too rich and the shadows too long. It was almost dim enough to look at, like an enormous harvest moon, fat and lazy in a dark blue sky. He remembered reading somewhere that twilight came in the northern hemisphere because the sun had already dropped under the horizon, but the light would still be reflected for a little while before totally disappearing; that by the time the sun set, it would already be long gone, and the light was just its ghost. He’d read somewhere else that it took eight minutes for the sun’s light to reach the earth; that if the sun were ever to suddenly blink out of existence, people would live out their normal lives for eight minutes, not knowing anything was wrong, before they were immersed in darkness.

There was a tow-truck in the parking lot, hooking up to the battered remnants of a silver-grey pickup truck. There were three people huddled around it, talking; one was wearing the blue jumper of a tow-truck driver, one the black suit of a Coalition investigator. Davin cut across the parking lot on the other side, avoiding them, hoping Julian didn’t see him. He could imagine that the Coalition investigator was filing a report on “possible terrorist activity”; they generally passed through town in the morning, evaluating the damage of hate crimes, deciding who was at fault, who to put under surveillance. It was the government’s official stance that there were no Vigilantes; their crimes were conveniently swept under the rug and attributed to the dangerous rebel LMH, or worse, to the monstrous half-entities that made up the Eliminated. It wouldn’t do, after all, to have the nation believing that there was inner turmoil in the flawless democracy, that the sides weren’t painted so neatly into angels and monsters. They would be doing a background check on Julian tonight, maybe tomorrow at the latest. Davin wondered what they’d find, if it would be enough to do anything with, or if they’d let him go a little longer under surveillance to see if they could get him on better charges. He wondered what would happen to Julian and whatever people he was affiliated with, then tried to decide if he’d care.

---

The New is from River of Souls, which is actually kind of a re-write of CJ in the sense that I gutted everything except for the characters and wrote them into a completely different sort of story. RoS is the first of a trilogy and I’m hoping to publish the three books early next year:

It's just me and the guy with no face, and I stand awkwardly, not sure on the protocol here. Do I sit down? Do I try to strike up conversation? The Undead seems to be staring at me, but it's honestly hard to tell with his drooping eye trailing down his bandaged cheek.

He doesn't say anything, but he lifts a hand and motions toward the couch, and I hesitantly tread past him and settle onto the edge of the cushion, quelling the urge to fidget. I can't quite keep myself still, though, and I start rhythmically popping the joints of each finger, over and over until I'm half afraid the bones will snap.

The dog, still apparently fascinated by me, jumps up onto the couch beside me and shoves his big shaggy head into my side, thrusting his face under my hand. I bury my fingers in his fur, grateful at the distraction.

The guy with no face makes a throaty, strangled sound that sounds like choking. I glance at him, and see his body shuddering, minuscule convulsions that tremor through his frame. I realize that he's laughing.

"Your dog is nice," I offer, as a point of conversation.

He grunts, and swallows noisily, like battling back a retch.

I only dimly remember my grandfather -- he died when I was little, leaving most of my memory-making to my grandma -- but this faceless Undead reminds me of him in some way. My grandfather didn't speak English, and we had learned to communicate through a similar language of grunts and gestures and shared silence. I remember he would take me onto his knee and give me strange sweets, candies laced with mango and chile powder, and sometimes he'd stuff dollar bills into my pocket with a conspiratorial wink.

The memory warms me toward this guy, this stranger who shares so much with me but who it's impossible to know. I give up on trying to communicate and turn instead to the television, letting myself get engrossed in the grainy melodrama, the rhythmic motion of fingers raking through fur, the hot breath of a dog snuffling against my body.

It's not home, but it feels like it almost could be, and it's the most comforting thing I've experienced since I woke up dead in a ditch off the interstate. I cling to this, because I know it can't possibly last.

--------------------

Sometime, I’ll go digging around in my things to find the hard copies of the really old stuff I have. I have stories I wrote when I was 11 that I haven’t looked at in 20 years that are probably very entertaining.

Tagging: @cog-writes @comicreliefmorlock and um anybody else who wants to do this I’m garbage with remembering names and who’s done these things lately.

#writeblr #tag games #house of lazarus #honestly CJ wasn't half bad #aside from my allergy to paragraph breaks #it's just the plot #there was no plot #it was 90k words of Davin ruminating #so much ruminating #god help us all

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copperbadge · 7 years ago

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A Mostly Accurate Guide To Chicago by Sam Starbuck

I realized recently that this guide was still housed on LJ, where I don’t really hang out anymore and where there are Ads. So I have migrated it over to Tumblr.

This post was last updated in October of 2017. If you're reading this in the distant future, you should check the original post, and you might drop me a line and ask if it's still accurate, as things do sometimes change. You should also check with google/yelp to make sure places mentioned here have not closed or moved, since I don’t do QA checks on the post.

This is not a comprehensive guide. I know, basically, three areas of Chicago very well: the downtown "Loop" and area just south of it, Gold Coast/Streeterville just north of the Loop, and Wrigleyville. I don't claim to be an expert, but I am pretty good at providing info for people who don't know where to start. So this is Sam's Very Limited Guide To Chicago For Visitors.

There is a readmore below! Read more!

Where to stay: if you want to stay downtown, the two options that best meet at the axis of "inexpensive" and "quality" are the La Quinta in the west loop and the Hampton Inn just north of the loop. These are both convenient to a lot of things.

There are some very good luxury hotels in the northern end of the Gold Coast, if you have the money to splurge; you can't really go wrong anywhere around Water Tower Place. If you're looking outside the downtown area, check Yelp before you make a reservation; the hotels in Wrigleyville, for example, are mostly the kind of place that offer hourly rates. Chicago also has a bedbug issue so check the bedbug report. I really recommend staying in the downtown area; it's central and you'll just get a better hotel, generally speaking. I have been told to avoid Club Quarters at all costs. There is a fantastic, safe, and fairly inexpensive hostel downtown; it's about $35 a night, run by Hostelling International. It's convenient to a lot of stuff, including the big downtown library down the block. What to eat: I don't like deep dish pizza, but if you want to try it or if you like it, there are two places that are infamous for it, Gino's East and Pizzeria Uno, both in Gold Coast. Giordano’s does a good deep dish along with a lot of other great food, and has some of the highest food-hygiene marks in Chicago (yes, I did a data dive on food hygiene). I know that Exchequer, in the loop, also does really good deep dish. Plus it's rumoured to be owned by the Russian mob, adding a sense of excitement to any meal. For my money, a far more authentic Chicago cuisine is the Italian Beef sandwich. An Italian Beef is marinated, slow-cooked beef, sliced thinly (shredded, really) and piled on a crusty sub sandwich roll. You can have peppers added (I never do) and usually you have a choice of sweet peppers or hot peppers. Then the entire sandwich is dipped in the au jus that's been keeping the beef warm, wrapped in waxed paper and tinfoil, and handed over for your eating delight. If you want you can order an Italian Beef "dry" (no dipping) but half the delight is the bread soaked in flavorful marinade. You can order an Italian Beef at most "greek diners" (so named because they are stereotypically owned by people of Greek descent); the two most easily accessible in the loop are Al's and Max's. Some people will tell you not to go to Portillo's, that it's a tourist trap, but Portillo's does an entirely decent Italian Beef, so don't be ashamed if Portillo's is what you can get to. One of my favorite places to eat is Weber Kettle Grill, at Grand and State just north of the loop. They do a great rare burger, their barbecue is fantastic, and I've never had bad service there. That area has a ton of really good restaurants: there's Oysy for sushi, Shaw's Crab House for seafood (pricey though), and a PF Chang's and a Chili's (I understand the Chili’s is now closed) if you're looking for something a little more chain-restaurant familiar. Even if you're not going to the Art Institute Museum, it has three great places to eat: the cafeteria, with all locally-sourced food, McCormick Terrace in the summer, which does pricey but great small plates on an open patio around a fountain, and Terzo Piano, which is the fancy expensive restaurant -- quality is variable, I’ve had GREAT meals there and so-so meals there. Macy's, in the loop, has a basement food court and a 7th floor food court (only open for lunch), both of which do a variety of excellent food, as well as their fancy eatery, the Walnut Room. Also, if you pass a Garrett Popcorn store, of which there are many in the loop, grab yourself some "mix" -- cheddar popcorn and caramel popcorn mixed together. It's a classic Chicago snack, and tastes better than it sounds. If you're near Wow Bao -- there are several, so check their website for the closest one -- they serve amazing stuffed steamed buns for pretty cheap; two buns are a reasonably filling lunch. Their rice bowls are delightful and they do pretty good potstickers. If you don't like spicy food, get a chocolate stuffed bun as a sweet snack.

If you’re in Chinatown and want some dim sum, Phoenix, on the second floor of a building on Archer across from the shopping center, is both very reasonably priced and also delicious. There’s also a Little Sheep hot pot restaurant on Wentworth which is deservedly very popular.

There are many places in the loop and Gold Coast areas to get cupcakes, such as Sprinkles or Sugar Bliss. If you go to Sprinkles, they have a CUPCAKE ATM where you can buy a cupcake without ever seeing a person, but for my money Sugar Bliss has better cupcakes. If you have access to a place to cook -- microwave or oven -- you should stop by The Meatloaf Bakery on Clark near Lincoln Park. Meatloaf Bakery is now closed, but near its former location are still a lot of good places to eat. One is Molly's Cupcakes, who do some of the best cupcakes around. I particularly like the salted-caramel. Lito's Empanadas, just north of Molly's, does delightful savory pastries. If you find yourself in Wrigleyville, do yourself a favor and stop by Byron's for some onion straws (the hot dogs, burgers, italian beef, and gyros are also really good). Byron's is a grab-and-go kind of place. In the same area, around the Sheridan El stop, you also can't go wrong with Tac Quick Thai Kitchen, which is consistently voted one of the top thirty places to eat in Chicago (Tac Quick recently moved but is still in the area, I believe). Kitchenette on Clark does the best sushi on the north side. A great place to get a sandwich anywhere in the city is Potbelly's, a Chicago-born chain -- get a bag of the mini oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, oh my god. I used to recommend Panera as another good chain but they’ve gone somewhat downhill. AVOID CORNER BAKERY. AVOID THEM ALL. Never, ever eat there. Trust me on this. Their sandwiches are dreadful and I've had food poisoning from them several times, including from their baked goods. Even their beverages are gross. What to see: My first instinct is always to recommend the Art Institute Museum. It's centrally located, it's huge, and it always has interesting exhibits. If you have kids or if you like miniatures, particularly check out the Thorne Miniature Rooms in the basement. Check the website before you go, there's usually one day a week that's free. If there's a line out the door at the front of the museum (where the lions are) walk past the lions (keep the museum on your right), turn right at the corner past the little sculpture garden, and walk uphill until you have passed under the pedestrian footbridge and you see the entrance to the Modern Wing on your right. Usually the lines are much shorter at the Modern Wing entrance. Just north of the Art Museum -- if you leave through the Modern Wing you'll be literally across the street from it -- is Millennium Park, a huge complex of gardens, performance spaces, and outdoor art. If you're coming there in the summer, stop and soak your feet in the foot-soaking creek in Lurie Gardens in the park. The Bean, aka the Cloud Gate, is also in the park and worth a visit. If you like shopping, WELCOME TO CHICAGO. Macy's in the loop is fun, though it's also huge and confusing. There's some good shopping in the Gold Coast north of the loop. Water Tower Place is a good place to shop and has the anchor American Girls store, so if you have kids who like dolls (or if you like dolls!) you can't go wrong. Water Tower used to have a Lush store, but I understand the Lush there moved to an independent storefront on Michigan Avenue; they do still have the Lego Store. And if you like architecture, welcome even more to Chicago! You shouldn't miss the chance to stroll across one of our lovely bridges over the river; if you take the DuSable bridge, which joins two halves of Michigan Avenue, you'll end up on Pioneer Plaza, with the Wrigley Building to your left and the Tribune Tower ahead and to the right -- the Tribune Tower is a great building to gawp at, and has bits of other buildings incorporated into the exterior walls. Get right up close and see stones from a Roman Bath, a Buddhist Temple, the Alamo, and other famous buildings from all over the world. The river itself boasts multiple architectural boat tours and several water taxi companies; these only operate spring-to-autumn but taking a water taxi is a great way to ride on the river for relatively cheap (I prefer Shoreline Sightseeing's water taxis, but really you can't go wrong with any of them). Shoreline Sightseeing and the Architectural Foundation both offer architectural river tours; SeaDog does too, but don't use them, they're not as good. Shoreline's tour boards from Navy Pier and the Architectural Foundation's tour boards from just below the DuSable bridge. In the Loop, down by the Board of Trade (which has a cafeteria in the basement that's known for its excellent fries) there's a building called the Rookery. On Wednesdays they give a killer tour of this old, historic building, including a behind-the-scenes stroll where you can see the kind of structural issues buildings in Chicago had before the invention of the grillage. Strongly recommended for architecture, art deco, or history buffs, and not too pricey. Nearby is the Chicago Fed, which has a money museum that's well worth checking out, it's small and strange but a lot of fun. Chicago has a lot of great museums. I've already mentioned the Art Institute Museum; we also have the "Museum Campus" (which you can get to via water taxi!) that contains the Planetarium, Aquarium, and Field Museum. The Aquarium is pretty fun for an afternoon; you can buy an $8 "just the fishes" ticket at the door, or there are more expensive packages available online. The Planetarium is good if you're particularly into space and such, but in the basement it has the Historic Atwood Sphere, which is worth the extra cost. The Field Museum is...confusing, and old, and it shows, but I do usually have a good time when I go. They do have Sue the T-Rex (if you're into dinosaurs, after you go to see Sue, go up the stairs behind her to see her real head. It was too heavy to put on her body, so they put a replica on the body and the real head is housed elsewhere). It has a lot of neat animal dioramas, too.

If you are going to the Field, Shedd, or Adler and looking for a good lunch spot, check out Pita Heaven (on Michigan south of Roosevelt). Also there's a good Potbelly's on Roosevelt just west of Michigan. Don't go to Eleven City Diner -- they are not careful in their food prep, and I've had poor experiences there with food and service. Further south, the Museum of Science and Industry is a lot of fun, though more fun with kids, I think. Don't miss the egg incubator, where they usually have chicks hatching, or the giant train table with its scale models of Chicago and Seattle. Also in that area, on the UChicago campus, are the Smart Museum of Art (always free; mostly contemporary art, way better than the Museum of Contemporary Art up north) and the Oriental Institute Museum (free but donation recommended) which has the most amazing collection of beautiful antiquities. Down 57th Street you'll also find 57th Street Books, a fantastic indy bookstore. Further down 57th Street is Medici, a great place with atmosphere to spare that does really good burgers and pizza. Try the fizzy lemonade, it's outstanding. If you want to see great live Chicago Blues, Kingston Mines is the place to go on the north side, or Buddy Guy’s Legends in the loop -- Buddy Guy’s has a cover in the evenings but if you go for lunch you’ll get good Chicago blues and no cover, plus their lunch menu is pretty great. There are a ton of blues clubs on the south side, but I can't make recommendations there, as I'm less familiar with the south side. Hell, ask someone at Kingston Mines, they'll tell you where to go. :) I am not familiar with bars and clubs in Chicago, since it's not really my scene. If you pick up a Chicago Reader free newspaper, both will have all kinds of ads for various hip nightspots. Theatre is very dear to my heart and for my money the best theatre in Chicago is done by Victory Gardens at the Biograph. The building itself is a work of art, and the theatre is great and not too expensive. Victory Gardens also owns the Greenhouse, which hosts four or five different companies who usually do good work. Goodman in the Loop and Steppenwolf north of the Loop are also good places to catch a show; the quality of Lookingglass Theatre in Gold Coast varies, but is usually worth the cost. If you want small, gritty theatre, check out stuff playing at Stage Left, a tiny little northside theatre that rents out to various small companies in the area. Avoid Chicago Shakespeare Theatre. They cost too much, their shows are generally mediocre (except when they have other performing companies visit), and they are absolute shits to their staff; even the actors hate the management there. Chicago Shakes is located on Navy Pier, and Navy Pier is one of Chicago's great contradictions. An entertainment complex stretching out into Lake Michigan, it's a great place for a stroll, because you get pretty far out on the lake by the end of the pier. They have an amazing museum of stained glass windows (note: I’ve heard this may have moved, but haven’t confirmed it yet). They have a FANTASTIC FERRIS WHEEL that you should definitely go on if you are not afraid of heights, and a very nice IMAX. The pier itself is free, no charge for access. But it's also very, very touristy. The food is expensive and subpar, the shopping is very kitschy, and in the summer it's incredibly crowded. If you do go to Navy Pier, find the McDonald's and go inside. Look around, especially in the area right opposite from where people place their orders. IT IS THE APOCALYPTIC MCDONALD'S. It's covered in murals depicting Chicago ruined and underwater. It's horrifying and surreal and amazing. They painted over the murals. I cried a little. Chicago is known for its parks; our motto is Urbs In Horto, the City in the Garden. Garfield Park Conservatory is a bit out of the way (though easily accessible by the Green Line), but it has extensive greenhouses and a lovely outdoor park and pond. If you like plants, it's a fun place to go. Likewise, Lincoln Park Zoo is a really excellent zoo and it's in the middle of a wonderful park. If you're into graveyards, I would like to recommend Graceland Cemetery, two blocks west of the Sheridan El stop. It has many historic and beautiful markers, lots of lovely mausoleums, and it's a really nice walk. Rosehill Cemetery to the north is older, but less accessible and less pleasant, I think. And if you go to Graceland you can stop at Byron's on your way back! Transit: If you like riding trains or if you need to get to some distant places in Chicago, the El is pretty awesome. You can buy one day, three day, week, and month passes at most stations. The only caveat I have regarding the El is that it is not very Accessible; many of the stations have either nonfunctional elevators or none at all. Some don't even have escalators, so Expect Stairs. The Metra is mainly a commuter rail, but also gets you places the El can't. Weekend passes are eight bucks which is pretty reasonable. I've not ridden the Metra a lot, so I can't talk too much about them. One place that's worth the Metra ride is the Lizzadro Lapidary Museum in Elmhurst, but you have to be a hardcore museum geek or really into lapidary to really appreciate it. I don't like buses, but Chicago has a pretty good bus system that I use extensively. If you look on Google Maps, all the bus lines in Chicago are integrated into it, so if you zoom in far enough you can find the nearest bus or train stop to your destination. Google Maps will even give you directions by public transit, if you click the "bus" icon after asking for directions. I don't recommend driving if you can avoid it. Downtown Chicago traffic is INSANE, the parking is exorbitant, and our highway system is horrific. You are better off taking public transit or taxis. Both airports have El trains that will go to downtown -- the blue line from O'Hare or the orange line from Midway. The Blue Line train from O’Hare I believe charges extra for entry ($5 instead of the usual $2-something) so be aware of that when buying an El pass. Incidentally I recommend flying into/out of Midway if at all possible. It doesn't service many airlines, but it's much more reliable and comfortable than O'Hare, and there are far, far fewer delays. Remember that Chicago is a grid: almost every street, with a few exceptions, runs either north-south or east-west. And the lake is always East. Attitude: Chicago is a big, busy, urban place, but it is also a very Midwestern town, and a city of immigrants who were once new to the city too. We're by and large extremely friendly people here and we like to help out and show off how well we know the city. If you get lost, don't be shy -- go into a store or stop someone on the street and ask for directions. And that's my city! Or at least, a tiny slice of it. I hope this proves helpful and not incredibly overwhelming.

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