#tomorrow... supposed to be really nice
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Decent movement on Operation: RBHF today.
Now for tomorrow.
#it was definitely a day for working indoors#cleaned up school stuff#did some of the kitchen tidying#cleaned the sink#now up far too late watching the soccer I forgot about#(tres a cero; L-M-A-O 😂)#tomorrow... supposed to be really nice#and next week is going to be hot 😒#empty the car I guess#definitely some more weeding#but maybe a walk too
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Hold on, let me get sappy too qsmpblr
This summer has truly been an amazing one. The qsmp started around the time of my birthday and I think this whole thing was such a nice gift. Then I started to be active here again after about a year of getting Tumblr and barely using it. And honestly, it's been so nice to just see familiar people in the notes and tag. To just see someone make a theory or analysis. Or fanart or writing. Heck, we adopted a pixel egg as well because we all got attached to it.
If anything, this has been such a kind community and I thank the qsmp for that. And with this new wave of people, I can't wait what happens next.
I thank everyone on here as well for making this summer such a fun one. All the livebloggers, artists, writers, everyone. And I hope everyone on the server along with us gets to make new friends and new memories after tomorrow. I'll see you all for tomorrow's event and can't wait for a new era. Enjoy the island :]
- remy <3
#this is more of a ramble I suppose but honestly you all are so nice#can't wait for tomorrow I really hope I don't miss it#I'll be watching Bad's pov (obviously) if I do make it but keep me updated on deathduo and the other members <3#qsmp
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oh okay so we're like completely fucked
#made an e-begging post last night that i deleted out of embarrassment this morning but i might remake it#bc as of now we can't split our rent payment like usual (which they didn't inform us of) so even tho we did get some help#we suddenly now have to pay ALL of our rent which is an extra $800 we do not have right now#and i don't even wanna remake the post bc it's too much anyway...#so we might actually get evicted lol#but that would be on the day that a hurricane is supposed to hit us so. yeah.#we wanted to go to the office and ask for an extension but it's closed today and tomorrow :)#win rambles#anyway if anyone wants to give us any money that would be uhhh really nice
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Also sorry I'm inevitably gonna b talking a lot about the breakup bc I got a lot of feelings to process. I sure didn't see it coming, so I didn't get any time to prepare for it.
#speculation nation#sometimes ur in a perfectly happy relationship and then outta nowhere she just drops u...#maybe this is karma for my last relationship. i did a kind of similar thing#though we Had had some problems. so there was some leadup to it. she just didnt realize it.#i at least had the grace to break up with her in person. it sucked but it was the respectful thing to do.#6 months in a relationship only to break up over text... im forever gonna be pissed at this.#i'll have my satisfaction when i next see her. which is supposed to be tomorrow but who fucking knows now.#after she stood me up yesterday and then chickened out of seeing me today. bc shes such a coward lol.#ive had my nice face on around her all the times we were together bc i like her#but she's gonna see my bitch side tomorrow. or whenever she comes by to drop off the shit.#ill try not to be Too nasty... but i will definitely be plenty cold lol.#might have a few words for her too. bc she really does deserve to see who exactly she's hurting.#she cant hide behind a screen and her infinite apologies forever. fucking coward.
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top surgery is 80% gender euphoria, 10% trying to explain to cis people why you chopped ur tits off, and 10% EW GROSS EW
#if u are squeamish and want top surgery#be warned it’s pretty gnarly#tw gross medical shit ahead do not read the rest of these tags if ur squeamish about these things#today I pulled out a loose stitch#its like a fuckin staple#I don’t know why I thought it was like#thread#also I took the padding off my drain sites per my instructions and ouggfhhh yucky#I’m worried I’m not gonna heal properly even though the doc said it all looked fine on tues#the binder is a pain in the ass fr#In better news I got a jade roller for scar care#bc I really hate touching them#this seems to be a fairly common occurance among the boobless folk#the jade roller is gonna be really nice bc 1) won’t have to touch gross scars 2) won’t get hands as slimy from aquaphor 3) very soothing#bc ur supposed to put them in the fridge ig#ok going to bed now I got a big day tomorrow#wizard drinks and voting
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crippling anxiety hours let's go
#a biscuit's rambles#theres a presentation due tomorrow we did Not prepare#and my partner is super anxious and the type to Need Perfect Grades#and she had a question and tried to call me several times and i saw too late and texted i was here now but then stupid whatsapp didnt tell#me when she called again so now i feel horrible#and honestly this presentation can go fuck itself i literally could not care less#im trying to do at least the tiniest minimum of Something for my friend but gosh. i do Not want to#just can't bloody get myself to do anything#doesn't help that i Know shell handle it because. she cant not without getting Way Too Stressed Out#i dont wanna leave her hanging with all the work like that but gosh im so tired#i just. cant. idk#on the bright side i did listen to a couple more tma episodes so thats something i suppose that was fun#........... i really need to do less stuff#i dont have a single free weekend for all of april and the beginning of may#goodbye emotional stability it was so nice to have known you even if for just a short while
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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hi so i just finished bridge to terabithia and now i’m unwell and my eyes are red because i’ve been crying before i’d even reached 20 minutes of it for i actually knew what was going to happen and by the time i reached an hour something something i just straight up sobbing screaming into my pillow. and now it’s 12 am and i’m still thinking about them. because god, look at them, how they were, the little world they lived in, wouldn’t you just love that, to run away, to escape, to grasp that childhood naivety and innocence that you lost a long time ago, to feel the sun in your skin and the air in your lungs and to paint fantasies and laugh and play and run hidden away from the world and find an old run down tree house and decided to make it your own little shelter and pin up canvases on the worn wood and paint and let your creativity goes wild and have someone understand you and gets you and do it with you, and wouldn’t you just love to have something so constant, so sincere, so genuine, so pure, so real, that there wasn’t anything else. if i knew i was going to cry this much, if i knew how much space this movie would make in my life, i wouldn’t have started this movie tonight. i would have been in peace on the floor of my room, not realizing how badly i actually want something like this even though i would never unironically admit this to anyone in my life or even myself when i’m outside of the familiar place of my mind, for that matters
#bridge to terabithia#how am i supposed to recover#i wasn’t planning to write a paragraph about it but yeah i kinda love this movie i guess#i needed a good cry and the universe didn’t stop me from choosing this movie i don’t know if that’s nice or simply mean#i was going to watch la la land after this but that’s not gonna happen now#i’m not reading back what i wrote otherwise i would just delete it because i’d think this movie deserves better more coherent thoughts#and i’d say that i’d just rewrite it tomorrow but then i wouldn’t#because nothing would ever beat the “everything i create has to be great or nothing” in me#and i never am proud of what i made unless it’s supposedly only for my viewing#so i actually don’t know if what i just wrote make sense but yeah#my eyes feel so weird right now#also the ending was definitely up to interpretations!! (spoiler alert* just in case)#i myself personally like to believe he dreamed up the last 30 minutes of it and didn’t even go to the museum#and so he’ll just wake up definitely shocked but then still find leslie in her house who was just about to meet him so they could go!!#and because the rope was cut off by the lightning from last night they decide to build the bridge so everyone could cross safe and sound!!#i like my ending better they really should change it#but no all and all the end was really beautiful#even though it took me maybe even an hour to get through it because i keep sobbing and have to repeat over and over to hear what they said#yeah okay anyways sorry for the rant<3#i’m not sure what this is#but glad i could get it off my chest#let’s see how to tag how to tag#movies#just#childhood#whatever <3#nadirants
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aughhhh (clutches my cursed eye.)
#Sorry to vent on tumblr but i have nowhere else to talk right now:#i was doing so good in school but ive taken a steep decline and it feels like everything is Over and i'm failing. its literally just three#classes. all i can do all day is cry and stare at the wall and i dont feel like anything really at anything i do. i dont know what to do an#its killing me. Im gonna do something that lands me on national television. im in pain all day and have a migraine every day and when i don#im busy sobbing the rest of the time. i know its just because its that time of the year but that doesnt really help me at all. im trying my#hardest and it still isnt enough. Wat am i supposed to do. Theyre putting me down tomorrow.#i have not felt this bad in a while and its not Nice and I Dont Like it and I cant pull myself up. i cry as soon as i wake up. Who is#putting me through some matt murdock depressive episode simulator.#i need help but theres nothing anyone can help with and i dont want to be here*#*here meaning the state i live in.#i am so Alone here.#i feel little and stupid
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Can someone send good vibes or like. Idk gush about F/Os, talk about something good that’s happened to you I’m kind of upset rn 🥲
#I was supposed to hang out with my siblings tomorrow#but uh#I’m still sick so that’s not happening lmao#I haven’t had a proper hangout with both of them in like a solid decade#and they’re like the teo family members of mine I can actually rely on anymore and both are very important to me#and I’m just really upset I had to get sick#so a distraction would be nice
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♡
#decorated tin♡#did this late last night#its for my coltsfoot peppermint smokes i got at the metaphysical store. theyre supposed to be good for dreams#we'll see i suppose#i need a nice dream tonight#todays been uh#im not feeling good#i havent kept myself as distracted as id like and ive been needy and emotional and shaky#really needy obviously#sorry about that#ill be up for a while tonight#played on the computer and cleaned today mostly#hopefully the night will stay calm#im rambling again#im sorry#heres hoping tomorrow will be better#pavi talking#♡#the flower stickers inside the tin are little sweet peas
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Transferred to a new store and today was my first day sheesh
#like damn y'all live like this(#can i move back lol#store manager actually seems nice but like i little to lax on some rules#i imagine she will get reprimanded in a couple of months or so#i mean this store really is FAR behind so maybe she's been some leeway with certain procedures but damn#also im not technically on these schedules cause theyre already created but theyve already asked me to change my shift#like no <3#technically i might've said yes if i was driving#but im walking and its supposed to storm tomorrow - i need my ride to pick me up#sheesh#wish me luck 🫡
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sobbing crying mess at the jim & li ming conversation p'aof im coming for your life 😭
#moonlight chicken#midnight series#vi.txt#sometimes things hit too close to home#jim finally redeemed himself good for him#talking nicely is all we can really expect from asian parents isn't it? what apology#yeah no but when li ming said how is he supposed to love his mom after she shows up after 5 years out of nowhere#yeah no that was the breaking point for me#i see so much of my 18yo in li ming i can't even judge people around him impartially#send help#i can't believe this show will end tomorrow how dare they 😭
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...
#tfw ur life has been so busy that u forgot that with a new school u have a new email to keep track of#and u forgot to hook it up to ur outlook so now u open it up and see emails from abt a month ago#telling u to do TA orientation stuff. uuuuuh oops#so i guess i have some bullshit to figure out tomorrow. also i should finalize my class sign up staff#stuff* bc when i was doing yhat my brain was on fire. also i should email my new boss. oh god. why didnt i check that email????#i dont even kno if im supposed to b a TA this semester??? i should just email the guy but also i dont wanna roll up like yo#im already damaged goods bc ive suffered a whole year in a state of burnout. also i fucked up my sign up process by not paying attention#but uh hi hello nice to meed u again for the 2nd time in my life. this is definitely not a bad omen for things to come#ugh. why have i done this to myself? i cant even call to try to fix anything until Monday. fuck.#but i mean. i cant b thr only one who's ever done this. so maybe itll b fine? hopefully?#but i wouldn't have this problem if id just fucking looked at my fucking email in the 1st place#i can already feel it. this is where the overlap starts. the overlap between my old lab and my new lab#will it tear me into pieces? perhaps. i have to shift into go mode. i cant b a sad sack anymore#ugh. im usually really good at being on top of stuff like this bc im such an anxious freak but here we r...#unrelated
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It's strange for me having not been on this blog for a good bit, consistently that is. I hope each and every one of you could find a small joy in your day to carry with you. Remember to be gentle with yourself even when everything else comes down hard. You deserve nourishment just as much as anyone, you are not the exception.
#tae.txt#Aside from my semi-solitude today I went to the art thing and we did some hand studies. I am awful when it comes to hands but this was a#nice little homework to do and I used my hand for reference. ME AND MY HOMIES HATE DRAWING HANDS—#but uhmmm it was a good day of being with my gf and her friends after the art stuff and then waddling back to work tomorrow#then my whole week will be filled from appointments to random work meeting om a day I don't work 🥹 SO EARLY AND FOR WHAT#but uhmmm yeah...I suppose I've been okay even though I haven't really been here and I miss spam reblogging here but I do think#that my semi-breaks from this one in particular has been good because I've been able to allow myself to dive into things rather than endles#scrolling on tumblr dot com ( albeit scrolling elsewhere only briefly ) but it's done me good in a sense#I'll probably be back to spamming here soon with all the lovely peoples wonderful content#willdele.
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ouhohoohh wait. sorry gender moment. changing my pronouns but it's like a werewolf transformation scene where their clothes stretch and rip and tear as i become the evil transtrender i once feared. adding it/its to my bio lol
#makes me feel like im a dog getting scratched on the head it feels affectionate and familiar and nice#which is generally the opposite of how ppl view those pronouns but hey who give a shit#it's like. idk. it's nice being treated like a creature sometimes. like the opposite of if you cant beat em join em#like on purpose dehumanization. i am detached from this shit entirely#look if im gonna feel like the Other all the time i might as well be treated like an Entity yk#kinda works for me im realizing#which is weird bc it's never really struck a chord with me. but ig i never really considered it that much before now#and i mean ig thats the fun/trouble with genderfluidity is the impermanence thing. gotta keep checking in on it#and neopronouns have never really worked for me but they isn't really great either (except for the once in a blue moon where it's perfect)#but i still need smth neutral... yeah.... yeah ok#ok!!#yeah.... gender getting weirder by the day all right!!!#not getting rid of the other pronouns im just adding to them lol#wow yeah. i feel way more seen like that rn wowza. ok#probably not an always thing bc nothing is with this godforsaken gender (affectionate in a shitty first car way)#but like. yeah :)#at least something came out of today (<- was supposed to do like 8 things and did not)#got mildly upset early on and everything just fell apart. whyyyyy im gonna fail my french exam TOMORROW#did not study hhhhhhh but whatever#i was so ready and willing too i had a fucking plan i erased the rgg guys on my whiteboard (rip) to draw a chart and everything#whateverrrrrr it's fine. augh
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