#tomorrow... supposed to be really nice
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Decent movement on Operation: RBHF today.
Now for tomorrow.
#it was definitely a day for working indoors#cleaned up school stuff#did some of the kitchen tidying#cleaned the sink#now up far too late watching the soccer I forgot about#(tres a cero; L-M-A-O 😂)#tomorrow... supposed to be really nice#and next week is going to be hot 😒#empty the car I guess#definitely some more weeding#but maybe a walk too
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Hold on, let me get sappy too qsmpblr
This summer has truly been an amazing one. The qsmp started around the time of my birthday and I think this whole thing was such a nice gift. Then I started to be active here again after about a year of getting Tumblr and barely using it. And honestly, it's been so nice to just see familiar people in the notes and tag. To just see someone make a theory or analysis. Or fanart or writing. Heck, we adopted a pixel egg as well because we all got attached to it.
If anything, this has been such a kind community and I thank the qsmp for that. And with this new wave of people, I can't wait what happens next.
I thank everyone on here as well for making this summer such a fun one. All the livebloggers, artists, writers, everyone. And I hope everyone on the server along with us gets to make new friends and new memories after tomorrow. I'll see you all for tomorrow's event and can't wait for a new era. Enjoy the island :]
- remy <3
#this is more of a ramble I suppose but honestly you all are so nice#can't wait for tomorrow I really hope I don't miss it#I'll be watching Bad's pov (obviously) if I do make it but keep me updated on deathduo and the other members <3#qsmp
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CRAZY NEWS:
i released a second chapter of my frog detective fanfiction :)
^ you can look at it there :). it's about the detective and sherman's first date going in title-adjacent ways. more characters will show up soon but not yet
#frog detective#things that i write#yuuuuppp... almost 5 am now so i'll probably do another round of edits tomorrow or whenever i'm next alive#i post it right now because ummmm this was supposed to be out like a month and a half ago and i got really sad because it wasn't!#(DISCLAIMER: I WAS BUSY HAVING EVERY AILMENT AND DISEASE UNDER THE SUN. AS IT GOES!)#anyways goodbye everyone from tumblr nice seeing you
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oh okay so we're like completely fucked
#made an e-begging post last night that i deleted out of embarrassment this morning but i might remake it#bc as of now we can't split our rent payment like usual (which they didn't inform us of) so even tho we did get some help#we suddenly now have to pay ALL of our rent which is an extra $800 we do not have right now#and i don't even wanna remake the post bc it's too much anyway...#so we might actually get evicted lol#but that would be on the day that a hurricane is supposed to hit us so. yeah.#we wanted to go to the office and ask for an extension but it's closed today and tomorrow :)#win rambles#anyway if anyone wants to give us any money that would be uhhh really nice
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Also sorry I'm inevitably gonna b talking a lot about the breakup bc I got a lot of feelings to process. I sure didn't see it coming, so I didn't get any time to prepare for it.
#speculation nation#sometimes ur in a perfectly happy relationship and then outta nowhere she just drops u...#maybe this is karma for my last relationship. i did a kind of similar thing#though we Had had some problems. so there was some leadup to it. she just didnt realize it.#i at least had the grace to break up with her in person. it sucked but it was the respectful thing to do.#6 months in a relationship only to break up over text... im forever gonna be pissed at this.#i'll have my satisfaction when i next see her. which is supposed to be tomorrow but who fucking knows now.#after she stood me up yesterday and then chickened out of seeing me today. bc shes such a coward lol.#ive had my nice face on around her all the times we were together bc i like her#but she's gonna see my bitch side tomorrow. or whenever she comes by to drop off the shit.#ill try not to be Too nasty... but i will definitely be plenty cold lol.#might have a few words for her too. bc she really does deserve to see who exactly she's hurting.#she cant hide behind a screen and her infinite apologies forever. fucking coward.
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top surgery is 80% gender euphoria, 10% trying to explain to cis people why you chopped ur tits off, and 10% EW GROSS EW
#if u are squeamish and want top surgery#be warned it’s pretty gnarly#tw gross medical shit ahead do not read the rest of these tags if ur squeamish about these things#today I pulled out a loose stitch#its like a fuckin staple#I don’t know why I thought it was like#thread#also I took the padding off my drain sites per my instructions and ouggfhhh yucky#I’m worried I’m not gonna heal properly even though the doc said it all looked fine on tues#the binder is a pain in the ass fr#In better news I got a jade roller for scar care#bc I really hate touching them#this seems to be a fairly common occurance among the boobless folk#the jade roller is gonna be really nice bc 1) won’t have to touch gross scars 2) won’t get hands as slimy from aquaphor 3) very soothing#bc ur supposed to put them in the fridge ig#ok going to bed now I got a big day tomorrow#wizard drinks and voting
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hi so i just finished bridge to terabithia and now i’m unwell and my eyes are red because i’ve been crying before i’d even reached 20 minutes of it for i actually knew what was going to happen and by the time i reached an hour something something i just straight up sobbing screaming into my pillow. and now it’s 12 am and i’m still thinking about them. because god, look at them, how they were, the little world they lived in, wouldn’t you just love that, to run away, to escape, to grasp that childhood naivety and innocence that you lost a long time ago, to feel the sun in your skin and the air in your lungs and to paint fantasies and laugh and play and run hidden away from the world and find an old run down tree house and decided to make it your own little shelter and pin up canvases on the worn wood and paint and let your creativity goes wild and have someone understand you and gets you and do it with you, and wouldn’t you just love to have something so constant, so sincere, so genuine, so pure, so real, that there wasn’t anything else. if i knew i was going to cry this much, if i knew how much space this movie would make in my life, i wouldn’t have started this movie tonight. i would have been in peace on the floor of my room, not realizing how badly i actually want something like this even though i would never unironically admit this to anyone in my life or even myself when i’m outside of the familiar place of my mind, for that matters
#bridge to terabithia#how am i supposed to recover#i wasn’t planning to write a paragraph about it but yeah i kinda love this movie i guess#i needed a good cry and the universe didn’t stop me from choosing this movie i don’t know if that’s nice or simply mean#i was going to watch la la land after this but that’s not gonna happen now#i’m not reading back what i wrote otherwise i would just delete it because i’d think this movie deserves better more coherent thoughts#and i’d say that i’d just rewrite it tomorrow but then i wouldn’t#because nothing would ever beat the “everything i create has to be great or nothing” in me#and i never am proud of what i made unless it’s supposedly only for my viewing#so i actually don’t know if what i just wrote make sense but yeah#my eyes feel so weird right now#also the ending was definitely up to interpretations!! (spoiler alert* just in case)#i myself personally like to believe he dreamed up the last 30 minutes of it and didn’t even go to the museum#and so he’ll just wake up definitely shocked but then still find leslie in her house who was just about to meet him so they could go!!#and because the rope was cut off by the lightning from last night they decide to build the bridge so everyone could cross safe and sound!!#i like my ending better they really should change it#but no all and all the end was really beautiful#even though it took me maybe even an hour to get through it because i keep sobbing and have to repeat over and over to hear what they said#yeah okay anyways sorry for the rant<3#i’m not sure what this is#but glad i could get it off my chest#let’s see how to tag how to tag#movies#just#childhood#whatever <3#nadirants
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Can someone send good vibes or like. Idk gush about F/Os, talk about something good that’s happened to you I’m kind of upset rn 🥲
#I was supposed to hang out with my siblings tomorrow#but uh#I’m still sick so that’s not happening lmao#I haven’t had a proper hangout with both of them in like a solid decade#and they’re like the teo family members of mine I can actually rely on anymore and both are very important to me#and I’m just really upset I had to get sick#so a distraction would be nice
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♡
#decorated tin♡#did this late last night#its for my coltsfoot peppermint smokes i got at the metaphysical store. theyre supposed to be good for dreams#we'll see i suppose#i need a nice dream tonight#todays been uh#im not feeling good#i havent kept myself as distracted as id like and ive been needy and emotional and shaky#really needy obviously#sorry about that#ill be up for a while tonight#played on the computer and cleaned today mostly#hopefully the night will stay calm#im rambling again#im sorry#heres hoping tomorrow will be better#pavi talking#♡#the flower stickers inside the tin are little sweet peas
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sobbing crying mess at the jim & li ming conversation p'aof im coming for your life 😭
#moonlight chicken#midnight series#vi.txt#sometimes things hit too close to home#jim finally redeemed himself good for him#talking nicely is all we can really expect from asian parents isn't it? what apology#yeah no but when li ming said how is he supposed to love his mom after she shows up after 5 years out of nowhere#yeah no that was the breaking point for me#i see so much of my 18yo in li ming i can't even judge people around him impartially#send help#i can't believe this show will end tomorrow how dare they 😭
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#tfw ur life has been so busy that u forgot that with a new school u have a new email to keep track of#and u forgot to hook it up to ur outlook so now u open it up and see emails from abt a month ago#telling u to do TA orientation stuff. uuuuuh oops#so i guess i have some bullshit to figure out tomorrow. also i should finalize my class sign up staff#stuff* bc when i was doing yhat my brain was on fire. also i should email my new boss. oh god. why didnt i check that email????#i dont even kno if im supposed to b a TA this semester??? i should just email the guy but also i dont wanna roll up like yo#im already damaged goods bc ive suffered a whole year in a state of burnout. also i fucked up my sign up process by not paying attention#but uh hi hello nice to meed u again for the 2nd time in my life. this is definitely not a bad omen for things to come#ugh. why have i done this to myself? i cant even call to try to fix anything until Monday. fuck.#but i mean. i cant b thr only one who's ever done this. so maybe itll b fine? hopefully?#but i wouldn't have this problem if id just fucking looked at my fucking email in the 1st place#i can already feel it. this is where the overlap starts. the overlap between my old lab and my new lab#will it tear me into pieces? perhaps. i have to shift into go mode. i cant b a sad sack anymore#ugh. im usually really good at being on top of stuff like this bc im such an anxious freak but here we r...#unrelated
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It's strange for me having not been on this blog for a good bit, consistently that is. I hope each and every one of you could find a small joy in your day to carry with you. Remember to be gentle with yourself even when everything else comes down hard. You deserve nourishment just as much as anyone, you are not the exception.
#tae.txt#Aside from my semi-solitude today I went to the art thing and we did some hand studies. I am awful when it comes to hands but this was a#nice little homework to do and I used my hand for reference. ME AND MY HOMIES HATE DRAWING HANDS—#but uhmmm it was a good day of being with my gf and her friends after the art stuff and then waddling back to work tomorrow#then my whole week will be filled from appointments to random work meeting om a day I don't work 🥹 SO EARLY AND FOR WHAT#but uhmmm yeah...I suppose I've been okay even though I haven't really been here and I miss spam reblogging here but I do think#that my semi-breaks from this one in particular has been good because I've been able to allow myself to dive into things rather than endles#scrolling on tumblr dot com ( albeit scrolling elsewhere only briefly ) but it's done me good in a sense#I'll probably be back to spamming here soon with all the lovely peoples wonderful content#willdele.
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ouhohoohh wait. sorry gender moment. changing my pronouns but it's like a werewolf transformation scene where their clothes stretch and rip and tear as i become the evil transtrender i once feared. adding it/its to my bio lol
#makes me feel like im a dog getting scratched on the head it feels affectionate and familiar and nice#which is generally the opposite of how ppl view those pronouns but hey who give a shit#it's like. idk. it's nice being treated like a creature sometimes. like the opposite of if you cant beat em join em#like on purpose dehumanization. i am detached from this shit entirely#look if im gonna feel like the Other all the time i might as well be treated like an Entity yk#kinda works for me im realizing#which is weird bc it's never really struck a chord with me. but ig i never really considered it that much before now#and i mean ig thats the fun/trouble with genderfluidity is the impermanence thing. gotta keep checking in on it#and neopronouns have never really worked for me but they isn't really great either (except for the once in a blue moon where it's perfect)#but i still need smth neutral... yeah.... yeah ok#ok!!#yeah.... gender getting weirder by the day all right!!!#not getting rid of the other pronouns im just adding to them lol#wow yeah. i feel way more seen like that rn wowza. ok#probably not an always thing bc nothing is with this godforsaken gender (affectionate in a shitty first car way)#but like. yeah :)#at least something came out of today (<- was supposed to do like 8 things and did not)#got mildly upset early on and everything just fell apart. whyyyyy im gonna fail my french exam TOMORROW#did not study hhhhhhh but whatever#i was so ready and willing too i had a fucking plan i erased the rgg guys on my whiteboard (rip) to draw a chart and everything#whateverrrrrr it's fine. augh
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like it has happened to me SO many times that my manager will come up to me and be like ‘can you do this’ and i will be like ‘yes’ bc i can. and the question has been answered. no request has been made of me. so i do not take any further action. but in fact what she meant was ‘please do this.’ & it seems like the obvious solution to this problem would be to treat ‘can you do this’ as a request 100% of the time but it is NOT a request 100% of the time. sometimes she is literally just asking bc she needs to know, for future projects, if our system is capable of xyz. how does one parse this. i’m so confused.
#or she’ll be like ‘why is this happening’ and i’ll answer the question but SOMEHOW i was meant to know that i wasn’t supposed to answer it#like why are you asking if you don’t need to know#but they do need things. like this isn’t just pointless babble u know. they are looking for things they require.#i don’t like the line of thinking that’s like ‘allistic people just need to communicate better’ bc that’s literally not what’s happening#u know#like they’re not trying to Trick You even if it feels this way#but idk how they’re doing it. its so confusing.#my manager is actually very nice btw whenever this happens she just asks it again as a request#and now that we’ve worked together for a while she usually says outright if she needs something done or if she’s just telling me stuff#and she gets defensive on my behalf if people make jokes that i could reasonably misunderstand as an actual fact or request#so she’s not trying to be mean it’s just like. literally confusing. idk. i don’t get it.#gkjlgdfk yesterday she came by my desk and was like ‘oh we don’t really need to be in tomorrow. it would be good to work from home tomorrow#it seems like you can do all your work from home’#and i was just staring at her bc i KNEW something else was being communicated but i just could not for the life of me figure out what it wa#and then finally she was like ‘don’t come in. don’t come to work tomorrow.’#and i was like ‘:D’#anyway. i think that’s what people should do. just meet people halfway u know. if someone clearly isn’t understanding just clarify
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by the way i am going to get to asks and such soon, i just am super busy at the moment (yay for 6 day work-week in a field where your days off are dedicated to doing even more work) but i have blorbo thoughts and i will absolutely make them everyone else’s problem as soon as i have more than one (1) hour of brain power a day to do something that isnt Work or School related
#taylor.txt#spring break next week…rejoice#it could be a lot worse. my placement is awesome. the grading load wont be terrible by any means#the bigger issue is just. im teaching math. and i am not trained to teach math nor did i even go to school here so like#i dont know what the curriculum is like lol. anyway. tl;dr real life is A Lot at the moment. im having fun but god am i tired#also not clear at all from this but to contextualize i work on saturdays and am doing my student teacher things through the week#which this time around is full-time 100% workload teaching. but they throw us in in february#hence the unit planning. which i wouldnt have been able to really do before meeting my kids anyway#but yknow it mightve been nice to like. have known the novel theyre studying right now ahead of time or something#…….damn. thats the thing i forgot to do today. i was going to watch the movie my other class is studying right now since im supposed to be#taking over the teaching and need to be able to help with their essays. oh well. tomorrow me’s problem i guess
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#if anyone remembers a guy i mentioned yesterday in the tags of a post#well he was supposed to stay in my town for three more weeks to do army training#with my brother#and i could see him a few more times#but alas god forbid something good happens in my love life#everything was a misconception and he was supposed to return to his town#and he learnt that today#and he left#and at first he said maybe he could talk to some people he knows so he can come back#because him and my brother are really good friends now and they really wanted to be together#and a lot of people in this country use their connections in the army#but they can do nothing 😃#so I'll never see him again most probably#and idk i really shouldn't take it so badly#because ive only seen him two times#but he was so cute and nice and i really hoped for something i guess? at least to see him more times#my brother has an exit permit tomorrow and i could meet them??#and idk im so sad since the morning that i learnt abt it#i know im overreacting again#but I hadn't anyone or anything to look forward for so much time#and now i was excited#like yesterday#after we went for that coffee i was so happy and high almost like i had used drugs#and he was showing us his barber scissors because he's a barber and he said something like#i will show you the rest of them next week when we're out 😭#maybe he just said it as a figure of speech#but i like to think he was thinking of meeting me again next week#fuck im crying now#i just want something good and easy for once in my life#but i guess i ask for too much? who knows. but im tired and sad
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