#tom cardy - business man

[paintedcrows]

working on a little something based on that hysterical bit in the NYCC Panel where Stan calls Bill a cop 👨‍💼💼

[lo-fag]

today, on the train

[pigtailedgirl]

Please shoot the other leg.

[temporaltourguide]

i recorded this a while ago but i decided yeah tumblr should see this

[urielwiththegoodhair]

yeah, no. you totally have a pet human now.

are you even paying her? seems more like you kinda just scooped her up

I'll have you know that we have a very professional business agreement that is strictly confidential.

[rosetta-j-stone]

Why do I love this stupid song so much

[rad1o-passiv3]

the two genders

[kittycatcarla]

@technologyvoid @whatcouldpossiblyg0wr0ng

AITA for walking out on a girl on our first date because of her favorite movie?

She said it was Human Centipede. HUMAN CENTIPEDE. Who says that???

[hiibi]

I just want to draw my OCs being hot besties together but instead I'm trying to fall asleep at 4:22AM and have to do course work tomorrow AND send an email!!!!!

[lewvithur]

listen to tom cardy, he has a variety of song topics including

say hello to this business man! he’s not a cop don’t worry

santa’s elves unionise the north pole (surprise, that’s two songs!)

the one location you should tell someone to check whenever they lose an item of any type

fiendish outlaw who uses no guns and defeats his enemies by flipping the bird at people, including baristas who overcharge him for a cappucino and people who bring soda water to his birthday dinner

some vampires get bored so they all become flautists who have perfected the art of Embouchure

a dog at a party- no wait now we’re on the wikipedia of the Vatican

mario’s existential crisis

pluto learned to stop doubting itself so you should too!

and finally, what is this girl’s favourite film? the answer will surprise you!

[michealwilliams11]

My Loving Bodyguard pt.3

Tara Carpenter x gn!reader

Summary: If only you knew....

[Not proofread]

You were discharged from the hospital, and Sam took you home. Tara had already left and stayed at home or left with Chad or Mindy.

You truly didn't mind, as long as you don't get a full-on 'speech' about your own health. The next day, you took Bailey's phone and went to a friend's place.

--

You parked your car and took the brown bag before leaving the car. You waved to some people nearby before turning to a record shop.

When you entered, a bell dinged, making your presence clear. An old man turned at the counter and smiled. "Y/N! Long time no see."

You chuckled and put down the brown bag on the counter. "How are you, Frank?" Frank adjusted his glasses and looked inside the bag.

"I'm doing great now that you finally visited." You chuckled. "Yeah, sorry about that. Tara has been keeping up on my feet." Frank shook his head and put the bag somewhere else.

"Thanks for the medication. I was running out." You only shook your head and started to walk to the staff room. "Flash here?" You scanned the dusty record store.

"Yeah! Busy on some phones." You only nodded and went into the staff room. A woman with a tank top and tattoos smiled at you and nodded to another door.

"Thanks." You muttered under your breath before knocking on the door. "Come in!" A gruff voice said and you opened it to find your best friend, Flash.

The man turned with a cigarette in his mouth. "The fuck ye doin here?" He asked, taking the cigarette. "Not even a hello? Ouch, Flash." Th man rolled his eyes and went back to fixing a phone.

"Ye only come here for fixin so get to talkin." He said, putting the cigarette. "I don't want to talk here." You greeted the two women who were on his bed probably naked under the sheets.

"Fine." Flash grumbled under his breath as he wore a tank top. You nodded and glanced around the messy and cramped room. "Where's Timmy?"

Flash scoffed. "He's name ain't Timmy, it's Tom. And he's at school." You only nodded, and the two of you soon left the store.

--

You threw some fries at Flash, who chuckled lowly. The man, in response, took the fries and ate them. The two of you were currently driving back to Tom's school to pick him up.

You parked the car and waited for the bell to ring for it to signal that school was over. Flash took out a cig and soon started doing his thing.

After 5 minutes of waiting, the bell rang, and children walked out of the school. You left the car and waited out for Tom.

Soon, you saw a bundle of blonde hair that was running to you. "Y/N!" You huffed when the 6 year old crushed you in a hug.

"Hey bud!" You said, picking him up and taking him to the car. "Whatcha doing here?" He asked, playing with your hair. "Nothing much, wanted to see my bestie."

Tom chuckled in response and went inside the car. You got in as well. "How do you feel about dinner with pops and me?" Tom smiled and shrieked.

Flash rolled his eyes at the boy but smiled either way. "Yeah!" Both you and Tom shouted and you went on Spotify for some songs.

You were driving to their house when Finesse [Bruno Mars & Cardi] started to play, and Tom's favorite part started to play.

"Sing it to me, Timmy." You vibed with him, and Flash only took out another cigarette. It's a good thing he rolled down a window as well.

Soon, you guys made to the apartment. You piggy backed Tom into the apartment, and you were currently sitting and eating door dash that Flash ordered.

Tom rambled about his day and a close friend, Alex. A boy he met recently today at soccer practice. You and Flash only nodded along. Soon, Tom was knocked out on the couch with Paw Patrol playing on the TV.

You and Flash stood at the balcony with cigarettes in both your mouths. "So, he attacked her an' she killed 'im?" You nodded and inhaled some smoke.

"She is on tough son of a bitch." Flash says with a huge grin and you chuckle at him. Okay, I'll do it then." He grabs the phone from you before you nod and soon leave the apartment.

--

You were currently passed out on the couch. You still had your suit fully on when your phone suddenly rang. You shot up and answered it.

"Hello?" You asked, rubbing your eyes. "Y/N, someone threw a molotov cocktail at the building. I need ye help." You didn't waste time as you shot up and wore your shoes before dashing out the apartment.

--

Your car screeched as you pulled to a stop. Outside was Flash's store in flames. You left the car and ran to Tom who was watching the flamed with worry.

"Buddy, where's dad?" You asked. Your breath was knocked out of your lungs when Tom pointed a shaky finger to the flames.

"Flash?" You muttered under your breath as if he would come. You heard abrupt coughing and squinted your eyes to see Flash under a board in the store.

You took your jacket off before dashing to the store. But before your foot even hit the ground, you were blown away. Your head hit the ground and you winced.

Small cries and sobs were heard from Tom. You sat up and looked at the store to see that the flames were much bigger. Screams rang out as you watched Flash's skin turn dark.

You joined Tom in his compilation of sobs and cries. You tried reaching out, but you were pulled back. You looked behind you to see Tara there with messy hair as she shook her head.

You couldn't do anything. You sobbed even harder. Your friend, brother, and the first man that ever cared for you. Gone. In the flames.

You looked to your left to see a can on fuel. This was planned. Flash was supposed to die. He was part of someone's plan.

You searched the street and froze when you caught Ghostface staring at you. He held a shotgun up, and he pointed to you. Your hand reached for your gun before you shot a bullet.

[puppuptrixii]

Clover the phantom.

They are trying to convince everyone they're not a phantom, even wearing a hat to obscure their phantom features. Everyone knows they're a phantom, but they keep doing the bit.

hello jammers

if you guys have any animal jam ocs you want to send please i really want to see them.

[missmako-chan]

I've been listening to Tom Cardy songs on loop for like a week now, and the idea for this hit me like Gidel's Gino's big ol' hammer. So anyways here's Ernesto Foulworth, extremely trustworthy business man and definitely Not Fellow Honest

Also on YouTube!

[yeetthatkolibri]

The song Business Man by Tom Cardy is "Starling replika attempting to infiltrate a gestalt criminal gang and failing so hard" coded, do you agree?

Hard agree 100% :

wow I wonder why that didn't work

[rosetta-j-stone]

I only have Spotify on my PC so I don't know where the album as a whole came in my "most played" but the only track in my top 100 playlist (coming in at number 90) is...well.

and the only other Tom Cardy track in that list (at number 34) is

Aaaaaaaaaa