#the song in question was ‘business man’ by tom cardy btw. for some reason idk

[clickbeetle]

the part i was most concerned about regarding the surgery (the anesthesia) sucked in a completely different way than i expected. but since the part i was anxious about (the feeling of passing out + waking up suddenly in pain) wasn’t an issue, i’d consider it a win.

they gave me medication to ease my anxiety through the IV, asked if i felt any different, and i said no. they just said ok, then said i might feel some pain in my arm as they administered something else. so i figured “oh they’re trying a different anti-anxiety med, that’s fine,” followed by “oh holy shit that actually does hurt a lot” and squeezing my eyes shut.

and i was waiting for them to say “ok we’re starting the anesthesia now :)” and do the whole counting down from ten thing. but i guess the painful one was the anesthesia, because the next thing i remember was being woken up so gently, with a song stuck in my head, like it had been playing in my dream. it felt like my mom waking me up for school as a kid. i was a little groggy, but it still felt kinda nice. so that anxiety was for nothing.

but my fucking god the anesthesia(?) first entering my arm sucked ass. sucked ass and shit.