#tolya fanfic

[jeanbie]

LABYRINTH ★ masterlist.

pairing: tolya x reader

warnings: sick mentions, one-sided love, romantic relationships, character death that's a little bit lazy, angst | wc: 6.3k | ♬

note: all mentioned legends are things i briefly looked up and belong to chinese history (specifically the tale of the white snake). hanahaki is a made up disease but you can read more about it here! apologies for mistakes, if any!

★ thank you anonymous for the request!

⏤ Tolya wasn't sure what to be more upset about—the fact that he was suffering with the Hanahaki disease, or the fact that this meant whatever feelings he had for you you didn't reciprocate.

Tolya and Tamar's mother had told them countless Shu legends growing up, so many that they both had their favourites. Tamar always liked the tales of the white snake—her ability to transform into a beautiful human, but to bask in serpent seduction and harbour magical talents. As she grew up, her favourites consisted of battalions and bravery, but Tolya always liked the peaceful tales of kindness and faith, good fortune and health, the beauty of the world stuffed into stanzas and poetic folktales to send him to dizzy sleep and bright dreams. More than his sister, Tolya liked most legends and tales, but he had to confess that some of them scared him—tales of suffering and woe and heartbreak, tales of sickness, tales of misery. 

His mother said that learning about all of these legends were as good as life lessons. As a child, that hadn't bore much meaning on his life, not until he grew up a little, lived his life according to his own needs, wants and desires, and consequently threw up two or three white petals.

Tolya knew all about the Hanahaki disease, for it had been one of his least favourite stories. Not once had he ever imagined it would plague his health, but he should have seen it coming when he met you. When Tolya and Tamar joined Nikolai on his pantomime performance as Sturmhond, he hadn't anticipated that you'd play a larger role than the Volkvolny's gunner, agile and quick, passing by in a blur. He wasn't sure exactly when he'd started looking at you differently (after a visit to Shu Han), although Tolya supposed it didn't quite matter anymore. 

He was hunched over, staring down at the petals by his feet. They were oval, like lily petals, and for a second, he wasn't sure what he was looking at. Perhaps he was delirious, sleep deprived and seeing shapes in his own sickness. One seaman behind him popped his head over Tolya's shoulder with a bucket to give, but frowned at the white pool of flowers.

"Where'd you get those on here?" they asked. Tolya offered no answer, and it was fortunate that the seaman begged no answers to any more questions. Inside of his chest, Tolya's heart hammered nervously.

How could this be? He wasn't sure what to be more upset about—the fact that he was suffering with the Hanahaki disease, or the fact that this meant whatever feelings Tolya had for you you didn't reciprocate? 

A bitter tang lined his mouth, and he knew that the rising sensation in his gullet belonged to vomit this time and not petals. Arching his head over the rim of the bucket, Tolya coughed up the nerves from his stomach, cringing away from the sick as he stared once more at the clean petals between his feet. A splash of seawater trickled through a crack above his head, drowning the petals in a frothy puddle. Tolya stared, willing the petals to disappear into the foamy white of the ocean, but even as the water drained to the next deck, the petals remained, white and damning.

The sky overhead was grey, clotted with storm clouds that ceased to move. Tolya twisted his head up with a frown, wincing as the first spots of rain dripped down onto the deck, sliding down the curve of his forehead. 

Unfortunately for the Volkvolny, the storm in the heavens was the least of everyone's concerns—a thick mist sat on the surface of the ocean, cut into by the waves as they lapped up the sides of the ship. Tolya felt like he'd been at sea all of his life, and he stood almost still while other members stumbled over their feet as the vessel turned into the water, fighting the ocean's snarl as it advanced into the mist, where unexpected dangers waited.

The difference between pirates and privateers was the licence, and all the fancy stuff that Tolya didn't understand or care about. Nikolai was always very adamant about the difference, but he likely knew that other ships cared little for the distinction. All they saw was a ship, grand and foreboding on the horizon. 

For weeks now, the Volkvolny had been on course tracking a slaver ship. It was immoral to steal children from street alleys and harbours, but this particular ship had a fine collection of booty on board that made the eyes of his friends glisten. Tolya had seen your eyes sparkle too—as a gunner you'd get your fair share of booty, and Tolya felt certain that anything given to him would be inherited to you anyway, simply because you wanted it more than he did, and whatever he did he did to make you happy.

"Steady as she goes," came the gentle warning from above. Nikolai had emerged from below, his eyebrows curled into a tight frown. Tamar busied herself up ahead, fiddling with ropes, meanwhile Tolya searched the deck for the sight of you. He found you standing behind Nikolai, looking equally concerned.

"If the mist gets any thicker, then we're in trouble," you warned. Tolya had arrived by your side as you stared towards the heavy hanging mist. "There's really no way we can stall?"

Nikolai pressed his hand onto your shoulder with a sullen smile. "Believe me, if I could shift the mist myself to make this easier, then I would." His hand tightened in good spirit, and Tolya couldn't help but zero in on the gesture. He turned to him after giving you a smile, and Nikolai observed the displeasure on Tolya's face. "What is it?"

Tolya blinked. You were looking at him too, your worry permanent. "Nothing," he said finally. "I just think that Y/N's right."

Nikolai smiled and looked forward. "You would."

"I'm being serious," Tolya continued. "We've been hunting the Swallow for weeks. By now, they must know we're close behind. They might use this as a way to—"

"If they attack, we'll have the upperhand," Nikolai said. But his voice sounded wary, as if he said the words to convince himself more than anybody else.

Tolya didn't feel like it had convinced him, and judging by the look on your face, it hadn't worked on you either. Nikolai pushed ahead towards Tamar and the others, assisting with the rope to make his presence all the more useful, meanwhile Tolya shuffled closer to you and placed his own hand above your head gently. You looked up while biting your lip.

"What is it, little duck?"

You huffed, pushing into his touch. Feeling your head soften into his hand made Tolya's heart twist with an ache. He knew that you loved him in your own way, but knowing that you didn't love him the way he loved you made the gentle moments with you feel unkind. You'd been his friend since he first stepped on this boat, taken by the wind and the merchant tales and the vast, reckless seas. 

When Tolya first realised he loved you, he thought there had been a slight chance that you felt the same. He knew that his presence in a room made you smile the brightest, and you always sought him out in a storm or a row, tucked into his arm safely, protected by his source of life. You belonged in the crook of his neck, in the gap in his hammock. You belonged in his arms, in his hands, in his heart. But Tolya belonged to you in moments, and he knew you cared about him, just not in the same way. Tolya thought the world revolved around you and you alone—you were the entirety of his life, and he was just a part of yours.

"I don't like this," you told him. "Not one bit, I don't like this."

"The storm?" he pried. Tolya knew you didn't enjoy the stormy seas, as much as you loved the ocean and the life of a seaman. You were born to live on the sea, but that didn't make the colossal waves and thunderous crashes any less scary.

You shook your head, moving free from his touch. Tolya let you leave, feeling a tug to follow. "Not just that. This race—the mist is too perfect. I'm not saying it was conjured by them, but they will use it to their advantage." You huffed with irritance, "I told Nikolai about these slavers. Their ship is painted grey to match the storms, they can approach you like a ghost, never seen until it's too late. He's stubborn, he's young. He doesn't know everything."

Nikolai had dreamt of the sea and its open promises of freedom. Unlike you, who had been raised in ship harbours and in boats, Nikolai had been fed with a silver spoon in Ravka and took the sea as his calling. He was good at it, and make no mistake, both you and Tolya loved and respected him, but even Tolya had to confess that in moments of danger, most of the seamen looked to you for support. Nikolai—Sturmhond—would come first, but should he ever fall, you were his next best successor, his heir, his unmentioned mentor.

More than that, you were Tolya's left-hand, second to only his sister. Tolya couldn't picture his life without you in it, which he supposed only made the churning in his chest even more pathetic.

Knowing there would be nothing he could say to ease your worries, Tolya settled his hand on the nape of your neck and rubbed the nerves away. He watched quietly as you leaned closer to his hand, closing your eyes with a calming exhale through your nose and then pushing forward in Nikolai's direction. He watched you leave in silence—what was worse? The fact that he loved you and you didn't love him back, or the fact that he had to hurl flowers as an eternal reminder until either you changed your mind, he found a medic somehow willing to cut him open and take the flowers out, or until one of you died? 

At the mere thought of the latter, Tolya shuddered and felt the breeze kiss goosebumps up his skin. The gesture was almost comforting, romantic; he watched the deck fill with seamen attentive to the looming mists and fell to his position, hoping the business of his job would keep him distracted enough that he wouldn't feel the need to cough up anymore white petals.

But to no avail.

Very narrowly avoiding Miradi on his way across the ship, Tolya lifted himself up over the side of the Volkvolny and allowed a flurry of petals to lift up his throat and out of his mouth, spilling into the ocean with the seafoam and seaweed. He hoped it would sink with the current, out of view of anyone nearby, but he should have suspected that Tamar would be close behind, concerned by his sudden sickness.

"Since when are you seasick?" she asked accusingly, patting him on the back. As if out of morbid curiosity, Tamar arched over the side to peer down at his vomit, surprised by the sight of nothing but sea. She had the idea to turn away until Tolya spoke next.

"I'm not. I just—" Out came another wave of petals. Tamar stared with shock at the white stream hitting the surface of the waves with a spit, and then she looked over at her brother with wide eyes. He coughed, heaving the dryness of his throat and then looking over at Tamar with an almost guilty expression on his face. "I—"

"How long?" Tamar asked.

Tolya stayed quiet, drying his mouth with his saliva and catching his breath. "Not long."

"Days?"

"A couple of weeks."

Tamar gawked. "Weeks?"

Tolya sniffed. He'd done a pretty good job at keeping his affliction hidden from just about everybody on board the Volkvolny. Tamar was the safest person to know, but it still made it more real, more serious.

"It's fine," he said weakly, hoping that Tamar might spare him the humiliation and leave it there.

For a second, it looked like she might, but then she bit her lip and looked up at him worriedly.

"Is it…" she started, trailing off. "Her?"

Tolya knew who she meant. He glanced in your direction briefly and then back at Tamar: "You can't say anything."

Tamar looked wounded. "It might help. In all the stories our mother used to tell us, they—"

"The last thing I want is for her to like me out of pity, Tamar," Tolya replied quietly, gently too but stern enough to keep her quiet. "And I don't think it works like that. The feelings have to be natural. And she doesn't like me like that."

"You don't know tha—"

"I wouldn't have Hanahaki if she did," Tolya said firmly, and Tamar silenced, mostly because he was right. 

It didn't matter if he went up to you and proclaimed his love, mentioning he was suffering with Hanahaki because of your unreturned feelings. The choice to be in love with someone, with him, was yours to make, and forcing your hand wouldn't chase away the petals. He didn't think there was anything he could do now to change your feelings, not unless he died, maybe. But if he died, then it wouldn't make any difference. Tolya just wished none of it had happened in the first place. More than anything, he wanted the petals to go away, to wither and die in his lungs. He wished he'd been more on guard with his feelings, only dishing them out to those who could give it back.

Loving you was a game of self-hatred, but it wasn't like he could turn those feelings off, either.

After a pregnant pause, Tamar spoke again. "What're you gonna do?"

Tolya sighed again. "Ignore it. Endure it. No medic in their right mind will do the surgery to get rid of them—Saints, even I didn't think this was real until I coughed up my first petal. So, I'm just going to have to live with it somehow."

"They might," Tamar offered, but Tolya supposed she was just trying to be supportive, trying to lessen the blow somehow. "We could tell Nikolai. There might be someone in Ravka, someone trustworthy—"

"I just want to forget about it," Tolya said. Suddenly, he amended it, "and not through some sketchy surgery. Look, we've got work to do. Nikolai wants to push into the mist to find the Swallow within the next day. We shouldn't slow him down."

Tamar nodded slightly. She wanted to say more, but she knew it would be pointless. Even if there was someone in Ravka to do the job, it could seriously alter Tolya's feelings for you in general. Even if you didn't love him romantically, you loved him nonetheless. 

The surgery, from what Tamar gathered from those stories long ago, not only rid the petals from the lungs but it also helped wipe away any unwanted feelings. The stories never covered those parts—what if Tolya's whole opinion on you changed? What if he didn't even want to be around you anymore? Somehow, she knew that would be worse to Tolya than him dying or it just not working.

She cast another short glance to the waves and then pushed herself from the sides and back towards the buzz of life, craning her head to hear the waves lapping under the vessel, the voices of the boat so quiet that her thoughts took initiative.

Tolya threw up a total of eight times through the night as the Volkvolny pushed deeper through the thick and wet mist hanging in the distance. He wasn't sure how long he could keep up the bad stomach act to keep the crew at bay, not forgetting you as you trailed after him worried about his condition. The last thing Tolya needed was you seeing the flowers—you'd know, or you'd think he was in love with someone else, both equally awful possibilities. 

Around twenty minutes ago, the Volkvolny crept silently through the cloud of mist and was now completely surrounded. The mere sight of you pacing near the front of the ship made his insides churn, and he barely managed to stumble over the sides to release the new load of flowers. Tamar had done her best to shield him from view, but thankfully, everybody seemed preoccupied in the still cover of the mist, silent and alert for signs of the Swallow.

The Swallow was unlike any other ship they'd gone after. Painted white and silver and decorated with a litter of stolen gemstones and booty, the Swallow liked to go invisible under heavy rain clouds, perfect for storms that frequented the channel they sailed through. Nikolai had heard rumours of its dodgy dealings, and its insane stories of trafficking and slavery and expensive booty, but finding it was a challenge in itself. Now, they could be anywhere, beyond or behind, and the thin visibility did nothing to ease the anxiety of the crew on board. 

Tolya spared a glance at Nikolai. Even he looked nervous—maybe he was wishing he'd listened to your warnings. Back at the front of the ship, Tolya spied your pacing figure and approached slowly.

He closed in with a gentle hand on your elbow, and you turned with a jump. He tried to smile, but the worry on your face had his eyebrows knitting together.

"Fear not," he said gently, rubbing small circles across the bone of your elbow. "We'll be fine."

You nodded slightly. "Yeah." Although you didn't sound convinced. 

Tolya's eyes scanned your face, mapping out your features and concerns. Just looking at your face made his heart leap, a fluttering sensation digging deeper within. Becoming aware of the feeling made it more real, and only brought the flowers up faster; Tolya swallowed thickly and looked away.

"How are you feeling?"

Then, he looked back at you, feeling his heart in his throat—or was that flower petals?—at your pointed concern for his well being.

"Not bad," he said in reply. "Just under the weather."

You smiled at that. "Then go below."

"No, I think you need me to protect you from the mist and the Swallow," Tolya said.

Your smile widened. "Oh, definitely. I'm a damsel, I couldn't be here without the surety of you coming to my rescue, should I be kidnapped."

"Not that I'd ever let that happen," Tolya grinned.

"Alls well," you replied, angling away with a feisty bounce, widening Tolya's grin. "I'd die before anyone could steal and auction me off somewhere."

The smile faltered on Tolya's face. Just the thought of you being dead was enough to raise the petals to his throat, where he could feel them sticking to the walls of his gullet. He couldn't throw up now—not now, not here. He twisted away, half stepping to the side of the boat where he leaned over once again, hoping to remove the evidence before anybody could witness it.

He kept his eyes open as he spewed the flowers, watching them disappear into the ocean, sucked down by the pull of the water. Tolya felt his heart hammering in his chest when he felt your hand on his shoulders, coaxing him back to the world. His eyes rolled, his body light—and more flowers came up, spilling from his lips, pooling in the water.

Tolya knew you'd seen. There would be no hiding it, no denying it. There would be no prolonged suffering, no secrets, and there would be no way to disappear to avoid confronting it. Tolya let the last few petals tumble out before he looked up, far into the misty nothingness that surrounded the Volkvolny, until he had no option but to turn to you and await judgement.

The surprise on your face was blatant. With wide eyes, you stared at Tolya in confusion.

"What just happened?" you asked, confused. It struck Tolya, then, that you had no idea what Hanahaki disease was. It didn't exist in your bedtime stories, nor in your nightmares. Tolya considered lying.

He could try and convince you that you saw wrong. Maybe the mist was getting to your mind, warping your vision; Tolya didn't want to lie to you, though. It's not like lying would make the problem go away. Questions would remain, heartbreak prolonged. At least if he was honest, the issue might become more manageable. He wouldn't have to tell you who or why.

"It's a Shu story, or, well, I guess it is actually real," Tolya began to explain. "It's called Hanahaki disease. And I—"

"I know of it," you replied quietly, surprising him. "Some Shu pirates shared these stories when we visited for the light shows last autumn. It happens when you love someone who doesn't love you back…" and then, the words died in your mouth. You fidgeted from foot to foot, staring at him almost awkwardly. "You—?"

"Yes," he replied right away.

"Who?" you asked breathlessly. Tolya had himself convinced that he heard jealousy in your voice. But, he knew that couldn't be true, otherwise he wouldn't be throwing up flowers every day.

Tolya wrestled with the truth, offering white lies. "Someone from my childhood. I saw them again in Shu Han."

"You've had this all your life? Or since the last visit?"

His stomach twisted. "Since the last visit." It wasn't a lie—the flowers had only appeared after they left Shu Han, although it had nothing to do with a childhood sweetheart. He examined the look on your face, the twist in your features. "Why…do you look angry?"

There was a small stretch of silence before you spoke. "I don't know." Then, you glanced at the sea.

"Are you…" Tolya sucked in a breath, as if baiting himself into disappointment, "...upset by that?"

You continued to look out across the sea. Then: "I don't know how I feel about it."

His heart dropped, like it had just landed from a towering wave onto the sea below. Hanahaki was a bedtime story just a few weeks ago, and he reckoned there was more to it than what his mother might have said when he was little. It was blatantly clear that you did not love him back, hence the flowers, but why would you be jealous if there was nothing there at all, no spark you felt for him?

Tolya's mind raced. You were jealous, maybe, or even upset at the thought of Tolya loving somebody else. It was too late to amend the lie. Tolya, at once, thought of all the things this might mean: maybe you were just jealous that Tolya might one day leave the Volkvolny for this imaginary childhood love, or maybe you just didn't want him to settle with anybody, had an unspoken hatred for love and all things related. Maybe you had unestablished feelings for him that you didn't understand, ones that weren't powerful enough to be love but not insignificant enough to make you feel strange about him being with someone else? If that was the case, then could the disease be cured? Could you learn to love, eventually return the feelings, without him ever being honest about his unrequited love? Or maybe your jealousy was platonic, a fear of losing him, or familial, a fear of whoever he loves not being good enough?

Tolya was so lost in thought that he barely heard the call of the seamen behind. A scrawny seaman in the nest above had called something, but he didn't know what. He blinked, watching you scurry away across the deck and up to the poop deck, transitioning into your role. Ship spotted. He looked over the horizon, almost missing the outline of another vessel sailing across the sharp sea. The Swallow, looming closer.

The squaller's onboard hurried to tend to the sails, meanwhile Tolya positioned himself alongside the deck, Tamar flanking him. The ship leaned dangerously to the right, and he stumbled to keep balance as someone caught hold of the wheel. He tried to focus on your voice calling commands to those on the deck, occasionally hearing you poke your head below to the two seamen positioned near the emergency cannons. Nikolai never liked making use of his cannons, not when he had other amazing gadgets and weapons to utilise, but as the Swallow crept closer, you commanded the cannon operators to their positions, measuring out exact amounts of gunpowder. 

The upper decks were chaotic, and the Swallow was fresh in sight. Tolya's heart stammered, but he slowed it down with heavy breathing, trying to locate you in the crowd of the ship. You were gone, out of sight, and his stomach churned again. With the impending attack of the Swallow inching closer, he put his mind off the idea of throwing up and looked at the closing danger. 

Around them, the wind whipped, water splashing over the sides and onto the deck, pooling around Tolya's boots. The Swallow was now virtually at the Volkvolny's side, and he heard your faint voice shout, "Fire!" and the applause of cannon fire burst out. Decked with top-of-the-range Grisha tech, the cannons sounded like machine artillery, rapidly bursting into the side of the Swallow. It veered from left to right on the twisting ocean surface, teetering closer and closer to the Volkvolny. It clinked the side, and within minutes, enemies poured in.

"All hands engage!"

Tolya jumped into action, putting his mind off trying to find you and instead trying to focus solely on the task at hand. Busy with the task of evading his crew from capture or death, Tolya poured himself into his efforts, but thoughts of you prevailed. He could tell your heartbeat out of everyone else's, hammering, a reminder of your life. He felt like he couldn't breathe at the idea of you being away from him, somewhere beyond his vision, and the petals threatened to rise up from his lungs again. 

The ship lurched with the force of the enemy's cannon, sending splinters of wood into the air, barely skidding across the surface of the deck. Nikolai scowled from his post at the audacity of another ship trying to destroy his own—luckily the Volkvolny was in dire need of a makeover once this matter was dealt with, but it didn't make the situation any less stressful and frustrating. 

As if by command of the Swallow, the ship teetered in the wind from left to right, the wind so strong it had Tolya looking from side to side in a daze. Mountainous waves swept over the two ships, the storm brewing over their heads. There was no room for retreat, and with his heart in his throat, Tolya surged forward to thwart enemy invaders in their tracks onboard the Volkvolny. Nikolai's arsenal of weapons emerged in full, a choir of noise and anger, and Tolya barely ducked in time before catching a glimpse of a razor sharp arrow cutting through the air past his ear. It burrowed itself in the neck of a man just a few steps away. 

Biding time, Tolya ducked out of the way as thick, black smoke crept along the deck, and he frantically searched the expanse of the ship searching for you. For a moment, he mistook Nadine as you, moving forward, until he spotted you jump past him in a hurry, calling orders to several other seamen at your command who seemed all the more eager to race into battle. He felt his heart throbbing in his gullet, the petals close to the surface—he swallowed them down.

The Volkvolny's crew advanced to the Swallow, crossing narrow planks and fighting poor balance as sharp and jagged hooks pushed from small windows on the side of the ship and into the unsuspecting Swallow. Knotted together, with nowhere to run, it would be now or never for the Volkvolny to put an end to the Swallow's unlawful ways. Tolya saw you cross enemy lines and without hesitation moved to follow, shadowed by several other seamen. A squaller appeared amongst enemy lines, sending a gust of sharp wind in your direction, and without thinking, Tolya raised his hands and with the flick of a wrist, the squaller was choking up, feeling the air crush in their lungs. 

He needed to find you. More than anything, Tolya needed to be near you, ensuring your safety. He didn't care if that put him in the firing line.

An enemy crewmember attempted to manipulate the sails to wrench away from the iron clasp of the Volkvolny, but Tamar put him out of action with a grunt and shove of her long spear. Heartrending was hard work at the best of times, and she gave Tolya a warning stare, having noticed him crush the ribs and lungs of someone just moments before. It wasn't his way—she knew he was doing it out of protective instincts, but sometimes, instincts made you sloppy, protectiveness made you weak.

Shrouded in mist, Tolya felt the Swallow buck against the water, sinking slowly. Nikolai's master craftwork had punctured holes in the belly of the ship, water flooding into the lower sections of the ship. Foamy waves filled each cabinet, each floor, until it was swallowed whole. It gurgled like a drowning man, and Tolya's eyes flickered up to where you'd last stood, and he saw nothing but empty space. His heart raced, and with a cough, he spat out one single petal. He didn't even have time to feel sorrow about it, instead just stepping over it and heading through the smokey ruins of the Swallow.

A yell from behind him signalled that Nikolai and someone else had captured their captain—whatever else the seamen were doing could halt. The Swallow would succumb to the hungry ocean, becoming a decoration for the fish below, food for the salty mouth of the big and expansive sea. There was no need to fight, and no need to prolong the violence. Tolya stood there, breathing heavily, as his eyes scanned the deck. Through the thick coverage of smoke, he thought it would be impossible to see you, until he did.

He choked at the sight. As you pushed off an enemy, you stumbled, falling face first on the watery deck, choking on the salty liquid that filled your lungs. Not one enemy, but two—Tolya made quick work on the one snaking a hand around your foot, pulling you to the slanted edge, as if prepared to throw you over. Tolya heard his heart slowing as he put an end to the man dragging you away, and as you spluttered out the water with a desperate gasp, the other enemy grabbed a fistful of your hair and pulled you back, a blade against your throat. Everything happened in flashes; Tolya couldn't breathe.

The blade dug into the front of your neck, and Tolya saw blood spilling around the edge as he, without any hesitation, pushed his hands forward to cut off the beat of the man's heart. He choked, gasping for air, feeling the pressure of his heart squish into a flat surface, and Tolya thought that would be the end, that everything would be fine. As the man began to fall, the blade slipped across your neck, cutting into the flesh and opening up a flood of blood, pouring out like a waterfall. Tolya didn't even have the ability to scream.

"Man down!"

The roaring call of a seaman nearby had three or four Volkvolny crew members surging forward to pick you up, appearing out of nowhere like angels. Tolya staggered forward, his mind racing, his footwork sloppy. With Tamar guiding his arm, Tolya made it across to the Volkvolny, seeking you out on the deck you were laying flat on. Without meaning to, he shoved past the forming crowd, immediately falling to his knees and pressing his hands against your neck, as if to prevent the blood from spilling out.

Your eyes were wide, bloodshot and scared, and Tolya blinked several times in shock. There was nothing to say—nothing adequate. He could say you were fine, but you blubbered, unable to speak, unable to do anything but look at him, afraid and ready to die. Tolya cried once, his voice hoarse as if his own throat had been cut, and he applied greater pressure with one hand to make up for the other pulling away and stroking your hair. He didn't know how much longer he had, you had, until death arrived. He stared at you, horrified, guilt building up in his stomach. The petals fluttering like wild butterflies, uncontrollable, the tickling sensation stinging his insides.

"Oh," he managed out, lost for words. When he said he wanted all of this to end, he never meant like this. How could this have happened? And so fast, so soon, like a cruel joke? "Oh, Saints, oh—" He closed his eyes, feeling his body start to tremble. You gargled again, and he looked back at you immediately. What could he possibly say?

He sniffled, his heart in his mouth around the words, "It's you. It was always you, it will always be you."

Tolya hoped you knew what that meant. There was no notion of understanding in your eyes, no expression at all; nothing but nothingness as the life vanished from your face, your eyelids still and half-lidded, your whole body limp across his knees as the water lapped across your hair, hungry to take you to your bed of coral and darkness, a home calling you back as Tolya held you close, unable to say goodbye, unable to accept that you were gone. One moment you had been there, under his hands, all nervous smiles, clueless feelings, and the next moment you were gone, empty and covered with blood, a phantom on the Volkvolny ready to dance into the mist.

As several others prepared your body for the funeral at sea, Tolya could do nothing to keep his sickness down. He did more than spew petals, gradually only throwing up his breakfast, whatever food he'd been forced to eat by Tamar, and stomach bile and acid that sat on top of the eerily still water, refusing to be washed away. Hours and hours he spent hunched over the side of the ship, or over a bucket in Nikolai's quarters. The sight of his own hammock made the knots in his stomach tighten, and the only place he found solace was here, staring out of the smashed window in this little office, thinking of everything and anything.

Tolya hadn't thrown up petals in a few hours. He didn't want to acknowledge the lack of flowers in his vomit. Literally only yesterday, Tolya had wished the flowers away, but now he wanted nothing more but for them to return, to still be blooming across his lungs, smiling up from a puddle between his feet. The flowers were a reminder of your life, that you were still here, alive and well. He'd rather be throwing up petals and pining over you as you busied yourself on the ship. Now, his chest felt hollow for more than one reason.

As the Volkvolny advanced in silence back towards the mainland, Tolya felt like none of it was real, too preoccupied with his thoughts to even respond to questions, to think about the reality of his life. How could he begin to adjust without you being there? How could Tolya get back up on his feet and live, knowing that you wouldn't be nearby, seeking him out in a storm? Sooner or later, someone would inherit your place as gunner, and he'd be searching for you in their commands, looking for you in the darkness. Suddenly, he felt sick—the pool of vomit showed no signs of flowers, and another wave of sickness followed.

Tamar dropped by to tell him they were ready. Tolya almost didn't respond, but if he missed it, he'd never forgive himself. He stood silently like a ghost behind the solemn crowd, doing his best not to look at your body, dressed in black and grey and decorated with flowers that had been found somewhere on board. The sight of them as he dared a glance reminded him of the flowers, or lack of, growing inside of him. He felt a burning sensation behind his eyes.

The Volkvolny had never lost a member before, marking your death as the first burial at sea. Nikolai had mentioned it would be the right thing to do, to send your body back to the Holy Mother that was the ocean, yearning for your return. You always said you were born from coral, born for the sea—now, you'd be returning, wrapped in pretty clothes and decorated like a present. Tolya felt sick—a burial at sea, your body following them on their voyage, but no headstone to visit, no grave to put down flowers. Two cannon masters wanted your burial on land, and Tolya's heart twisted at the gesture.

"It wouldn't be what she'd want," Nikolai said.

It was true—you'd want a proper sea burial, cannons firing and all, the water wrestling you down until you lay to rest on the seabed to become one with the reefs. Later, he would be able to spot you in the shape of the water, the whisper of the wind over the waves; he would feel your spirit protecting the ship through wild passages. But he'd never get to lie beside you in the event of his own death, he'd never have a place to go to find you intimately. 

As the cannons fired, your body sent to the calm ocean waves and into the slight warm orange sun, Tolya felt his stomach churning, insides rippling and curling and he moved to the side, feeling a rise in his throat. Out came a pour of vomit, hot and sour, not a petal in sight. As your body swept away in the welcomed embrace of the sea, Tolya came to terms with the newfound cure to his sickness. The flowers were gone, Hanahaki cured, the memory of you to remain.

[wh0refornikolailantsov]

Prompt: “You’re the only risk I've ever thought might be worth taking.”

Song: Force of Nature - Bea Miller

For Tolya x Reader please :)

Pay Your Debts - Tolya Yul Bataar

I got you, I got you. Song fic incoming.

Content Warnings: Cursing, Mentions Of Canon Compliant Violence And Threat. No Beta/Proof Reading, We Die Like Men.

I don't know why but my hands are shaking I can see you coming and I stand waiting

Wylan is showing you around the stalls and pretending to not notice as your gaze keeps darting over to where Tolya and Jesper sit and talk.

"It's not my place," Wylan starts, "but have you considered talking to him?"

"You're right," you say to the demolition expert, "it's not your place."

Wylan gives you an awkward smile, a little nervous about the plan and more nervous about causing issues amongst the group. "I don't mean to overstep but you got a little..." he searches the air for a better word, one less likely to offend, "lost earlier."

Yeah I get tongue tied in the conversation It's an fucked up, sad, sick situation

"Lost," you breathe out, that is a way of putting it. You had completely fallen over your words, Tolya had unravelled you and you didn't know how to respond. It had taken the trip here and then time on top of that to pull yourself back together. You spot Jesper throwing a hopeless glance Wylan's way and you give the boy a small jab with your elbow. "Lovers quarrel?"

"Not exactly," Wylan says, his throat tighter now.

"Touched a nerve?" you ask.

"Did I?" he asks in return.

"Touché."

Truthfully you didn't know if you wanted to talk about it or not, and you could tell Wylan was in a similar place, unsure of where to step, and not sure if there was any use in voicing any of it. But Jesper seemed eager to try and make amends for whatever it is that has upset him. Tolya smiles as he talks in words too quiet for you to hear at this distance. He likely hasn't a clue about the state his words have left you in.

I tried to tie my heart down, board up all the windows Oh but it's too late now

You blame yourself partially, thinking you'd know better than to let your heart get away with you, running miles ahead of your mind. Part of you was just mad Tolya Yul Bataar was just this easy to fall in love with.

I let you get too close I know I should take cover, hide inside these four walls

But he is, just so easy to fall in love with, and you cannot overlook that now. He catches you watching and his smile broadens, and your heart swells. You know he would be able to tell even at this distance if he was listening for it, the way your heart leaps at him.

But baby I surrender, it all 'Cause you're a force of nature

Tolya looks back to Jesper who is trying to figure out where he misstepped with Wylan. And as helpful as Tolya is trying to be, his mind has slipped elsewhere. This thoughts clouded, he hasn't been able to pay attention, truly pay attention for a while now. This feeling is familiar but also so foreign to him. Jesper waves a hand in front of Tolya's face and he looks away from you and back to Jesper.

"Getting involved with a friend seems to be a dangerous game friend," Jesper says, having followed your gaze.

"Friendship, companionship, true companionship, is more important than any other relationship, and as long as you're putting that first, I don't think it's a game at all," Tolya replies.

Look at what you've done I can taste the danger but I don't wanna run

"It's just a risk is what I am saying," Jesper sighs, "but when it's good, it's a risk worth taking, worth making a fool out of yourself for, worth putting yourself on the line for... I have to talk to Wylan don't I?"

Tolya just nod and reaches for a small book he keeps in a pocket, Jesper sensing a poetry reading coming on, dismisses himself quickly from the situation, and Tolya laughs off his quick exit.

So pull me to the ground and I won't put up a fight I'm a caution taker, but baby you're a force of nature

"I don't doubt your skills," Wylan is saying as you tune back in, "and Tolya sure looks like he could take down an army by himself." You can sense the insecurity in Wylan, and although you missed half of the information that probably would explain where it is coming from you want to dispel it quickly.

"There are no safer hands I'd lay my life in," you say.

"Aren't you perhaps biased?" Wylan asks a little sheepishly. You ignore the comment.

"I have seen Tolya fight, I have fought beside him, time and time again, he is relentless and courageous," you say. "His skills with his swords watch the skills of his Heartrending, he is a warrior, and when it comes to what he believes is right, I have not seen him waver."

"But don't you worry about it still, fighting?" Wylan asks. He looks younger to you now, younger than you've ever seen him look, maybe it's the concern, or maybe it's the way he isn't feeling the need to bolster himself up amongst the other Crows, you know what Wylan is capable of, you know the destruction contained in such a small body. But that does not mean he is free of fear. The fear doesn't make him look weak, but human.

"I do not worry about dying," you say, unsure of if it's truthful, "but I do worry about him. He would lay down his life for those he fights with, he would lay down his life for me, he nearly has once or twice, and that scares me."

"Losing someone you love is scarier than death," Wylan agrees. Tolya approaches and Wylan gives you a gentle side-eye before finally giving in and walking over to where Jesper is stood awkwardly awaiting him.

"Could I borrow you a moment?" he asks.

"Want to read some poetry to me before we do the reckless acts that ensue?" you joke.

"The poetry might have to wait," Tolya admits. You doubt six words from his mouth could shock you more than those.

I feel your lips move in and they take me under You know just what to do that make me want you

"Okay, what is it?" you ask, and you cannot help your heart as it drums against your chest, demanding to beat faster, demanding to beat louder, demanding to be heard.

And I know I'll be broken when it's over Oh but I can't help but move closer

"I do not think I can go into this with a clear mind, without speaking honestly, and I think a clear mind is the only way to approach this and keep us all safe," he says. You nod, not knowing what he is talking about at all but stepping closer to hear him better, to read him better, to just be closer.

I tried to tie my heart down, board up all the windows Oh but it's too late now

"Jesper said love is a risk, and from what I know of love, which is mostly conceptual, is that it is truly one of the few risks worth taking," you have no idea where he is going with this but you feel like you're going to fall down. Between earlier and now Tolya seems so full of surprises that you're not sure what to do with yourself.

I let you get too close 'Cause you're a force of nature

"I never bothered looking for love, searching it out, trying to find it in the ways others have, my sister for example," he says, "because I felt no need for it. I have my books that are filled with romance, and I have my faith to be loyal and devoted to, and isn't love just a combination of those things?"

You nod, still not able to find words, but you're not sure he is asking for you to find them.

Look at what you've done I can taste the danger but I don't wanna run

"And I haven't gone looking," Tolya continues, his hand brushes your arm and you're bones feel like water, like you might evaporate if he touches you again. But Saints you wanted him to touch you again.

So pull me to the ground and I won't put up a fight I'm a caution taker, but baby you're a force of nature

"But I have been thinking," he says.

"Dangerous," you manage, the repetitive joke nearly dying on your tongue as the work struggles its way out.

I don't care if I survive So crash into me one more time

"And, watching Wylan and Jesper, it is not that I want what they have, the way they look at one another, the way they understand one another," he says. "It is more than I recognise it, I understand it, and it may not be the same, not exactly the same, I may not feel things in the exact same way, but I understand that when Wylan looks at Jesper, and wishes nothing less than the world for him, I know that feeling as my own."

'Cause you're a force of nature Look at what you've done

"And yes, maybe love is a risk, but one worth taking," he says. “You’re the only risk I've ever thought might be worth taking.”

I can taste the danger but I don't wanna run So pull me to the ground and I won't put up a fight

You are convinced your heart has stopped in your chest. "A risk I'd take, with you." Those six words, they shock you even more. You open your mouth to speak but no words come out. He smiles. "I do not expect anything in return-,"

"Tolya," you manage and he stops his talking, patient and happy to hear what you have to say.

You had done all you could to keep yourself from getting hurt, to keep your emotions out of your relationship with him because more than anything, his companionship, his friendship, his presence, it meant more to you than anything. You wanted nothing more than to finish a long day and come back to four walls and sit by a fire drinking warm tea while Tolya read poetry to the quiet of the crackling flames. You didn't need more, you told yourself you'd always be happy if things were just this way. And you would. Being around him would always be enough for you. But this wasn't you getting your hopes up, this wasn't you setting yourself up for heartbreak. He is telling you how he feels, and he isn't telling you it to hear it in return or because he wants something to come from it, he is telling you just so you know. Just because he needed you to know.

I'm a caution taker, but baby you're a force of nature "Tolya, I..." you try again. "It's the only risk I think is worth taking too."

He smiles, his hand resting on your arm as you try to stop from shaking. You want to make a joke, but only one comes to mind. "So," you try to sound calm and collected, try to sound blasé, but the smile you cannot keep from your lips gives you away. "Should we run off and get married?"

He laughs. "They would never see it coming," he smiles.

But baby you're a force of nature

Zoya is staring at the two of you, with even more disapproval than usual as Tolya takes a step back to offer you space, you reach around and grab the book from his pocket, flipping to a familiar page and starting to read aloud.

"Pay up," Nina says, holding out her hand. Zoya scowls.

"That proves nothing," Zoya says.

Inej peels away from a wall, where she had been standing unseen even in the daylight. "What I heard made it clear as day," Inej states.

Nina curls and uncurls her fingers from her palm, pushing her hand back to Zoya, who without turning to her hands her twenty Kruge. Nina smiles and slips it in her dress. But baby you're a force of nature

Inej looks to Nina, who is watching the two of you closely. "I think they're very sweet," Nina muses.

"You're just smug you got paid," Zoya says. Inej smiles, a small private smile to herself, watching you both, slow paced and cautious, like the war isn't raging, like time doesn't matter, like nothing could touch the two of you.

"I think they're perfect for eachother," Inej says.

"I do look forward to telling his sister," Zoya says, and she almost lets a smile slip, almost. But baby you're a force of nature.

[teaenthusiast65]

Tolya Yul Bataar Fanfic

The Beginning...

Novyi Zem had been both a traitor and a safe haven for my family.

There was no testing or mandatory service to the First Army in Novyi Zem; they were free to choose how they lived their lives. Or, they should have been.

My parents were stolen as children by slavers from Weddle, who then sold them to the Little Palace and they were forced to live the life of a Ravkan Grisha, instead of a free Zowa in Novyi Zem.

It had taken my Mother falling pregnant with me for the two of them to cross the Shadow Fold and flee; they wanted to make sure I had the choice they never had.

They had settled in Shiftport and hid their powers. After I was born however, they dreaded the day that I might be both blessed and cursed with the gift of small science.

I had been barely eight years old when I had been playing in the jurda fields, loving the smell and sight of the orange flowers. It was winter and the flowers were not in bloom; as an impatient child, I had touched a frozen stem, and sparked life back into it, to see the beautiful orange flower once again.

Unlike in Weddle, the people of Shiftport had protected and hidden me away when any slavers, Grisha hunters or pirates came calling. In exchange, I kept the jurda flowers, the villages main export, blooming all year round. As well as other crops that were required.

I had always wanted to go to the Little Palace, to learn about my ability; what I was or wasn’t capable of. My parents never told me what type of Grisha I was, or what they were either.

I guessed they thought if they kept me ignorant of the world, I would not be so eager to join it; which backfired spectacularly on them as I began to resent the secrets they kept from me. 

When the fold had been torn down by the Sun Summoner and the Shadow Summoner had been killed, meaning there was no more mandatory service to the First Army, there was no longer any reason for me not to follow where my heart led me.

It did not take me long to find a collection of ships in Eames Harbour that would offer me cheapest and safest passage to Ravka.

The Volkyolny was the third ship I visited; I could see the crew loading the ship with supplies; two of whom I noticed, a man and a woman, happened to be Shu.

I had not encountered many descendants from Shu Han. In fact I could only recall one, who had been a merchant collecting a shipment of jurda. I had been very young and had stared too openly, with bright green eyes that the merchant noticed and taken offence too.

Now that I was older, my intrigue had not diminished, though my manners had evolved enough that no longer stared so openly.

They had short jet black hair that shone with streaks of white in the sunlight. Unlike other members of the crew that had been tanned by the sun, the two of them still appeared quite pale.

There was something about their slanted eyes that intrigued me, they reminded me of a sunflower seed. A comparison that seemed even more fitting as the brown of their eyes reminded me of the center of a sunflower.

Spying a man standing at the end of a ramp that bridged the gap between the dock and ship, supervising as the crew of the ship carried supplies up and down the ramp. I surmised that he was the captain. 

“Excuse me,” I greeted as I approached.

He stared at me with a scowl that seemed permanently settled on his face, “Yes?”

“How much to book passage from here to Ravka?” I asked.

“Fifty kruger.” he told me promptly.

“What time do you leave?” I asked, wanting to know how long I had to search for a cheaper option before I had to make a decision.

“Dawn.” he replied, just as the male Shu descended the ramp, clearly hearing the last word his captain had said, prompted him to speak.

“Long may the night carry our souls, Until the dawn renews us.” he quoted, smiling happily.

“Urgh, enough with the poetry.” said the female Shu as she clomped down the ramp with heavy feet.

“That was from Rabinov.” he explained, “Canto Sixteen.”

“Canto Seventeen, actually.” I corrected as I weight my pouch of money in my hand, more concerned with how light it felt and not the people around me.  

When I looked up however, I saw three pairs of very stunned eyes looking at me intensely. I didn’t think my words would provoke such a strong reaction and looked around, thinking there must be some other explanation but all of their eyes stayed trained on me.

“Did she just correct your poetry?” the Shu woman asked in disbelief.

“I believe she did.” said the Shu man, his voice sounding dazed as he stared at me; his eyes practically burrowing into my skin, his gaze was so intense.

Both the woman and the captain cackled with loud laughter.

Feeling as if I had somehow offended someone, probably the Shu man, I turned on my heel and fled the awkward situation as fast as I could. But I felt a pair of eyes watching every step I took before I turned the corner and was out of sight.

I visited another three ships, the price going higher with each ship. That left me with only one option; the Volkyolny.

Unfortunately, that left me with not enough to money to pay for a bed to sleep for the night. Instead, I simply wandered the streets of Eames Chin with nothing but my thoughts for company.

I couldn’t help think back to the last words I had said to my parents, the weight of them laying heavily upon my shoulders; “You're taking my choices away. Just as the slavers took yours.”

The words hung so heavily on my mind that I felt my shoulders slump with the effort. My words had been harsh, but I didn't regret saying them.

That was what bothered me; that I did not feel guilty about the pain I saw in their eyes. I was too concerned with my own.

As I walked by a small window box, I saw the plants within it were droopy and brown, bent over like they too, had the weight of the world on top of their own tiny stems.

I may not have been able to relieve my own burdens, but I could help with theirs; I ran my hand over the top of them and watched as the stems turned green once again and slowly straightened up, standing tall once more before a small white flower began to bloomed.

Smiling to myself, I felt my heart feel lighter for just a moment, before the weight returned. Taking a deep breath, I shifted the strap of my pack a little more securely on my shoulder and continued on my way.

As the first rays of light began to peak over the horizon, I made my way back down to the docks and quickly found the ‘Volkyolny’.

I saw a few passengers boarding the ship, stumbling slightly over the lip of the ramp and side of the ship whilst the crew scurried about the deck, preparing to leave.

The captain was once again standing at the foot of the ramp between the dock and the ship. Marching over to him, his eyes sparked in recognition as he saw me, “Decided to join us did you?”

My answer was to hand him my bag of gold.

He weighed it in his hand for a moment, testing the weight to see if it was the correct, before he offered me a small nod, “Captain Sturmond.” he introduced himself.

“Flora.” I told him as I gripped my bag firmly in my hand.

Each step I took up the ramp felt important; as if I was walking away from who I was, everything that I had known.

Novyi Zem, Shiftpoint, my family, my friends, the jurda fields; they made my bag weigh heavily in my hand, as if it was some sort of anchor, desperately pulling against me to stay put… but I was stronger.

As I reached the top of the ramp I was surprised to see a hand outstretched in front of me, towards the hand that held my bag. Following up the muscled arm to its owner, I saw the Shu man looking down at me.

I frowned in confusion for a moment before I realized he was offering to take my bag for me. I looked up at him bemusedly as I handed him my bag.

His curious eyes met mine with a small, yet kind smile as he offered his other hand to me, palm up, silently offering to help me over the awkward transition from the ramp to the deck of the ship.

Placing my hand in palm, his thumb pressed down across the length of my fingers in order to help me up.

“Welcome aboard.” he said, those his words were simple enough, I felt as if there was more meaning behind him; like a promise of things to come.

Perhaps that was why I felt an excited flap of butterflies in my stomach and my heart skip as my eyes locked with his. I was certainly afraid, I’d be foolish not to be, but that didn’t stop me from stepping closer to him and onto the ship.

That sent a strange thrill through me, being fearful of something, and doing it anyway. Once my feet were firmly planted on the deck of the ship, I looked around excitedly, pulling my hand from his as I took in the strange surroundings of the ships, its cargo and crew.

I wasn’t so distracted however that I missed the small, secretive smile he had as he looked after me.

Clearly this story has more to give; I just don't know what it is. 

I would like prompts, suggestion and feedback as to where you think this story could go next because... well... I have nothing. 

Any help, whether that be suggestions, prompts, problems or observations would be greatly appreciated. 

DM’s or comments, all are welcome. 

--Tea Enthusiast

[zoyalaisobachka]

Tolya: We are surrounded!

Sturmhond: Great, we can attack in every direction! :D

[heloisedaphnebrightmore]

Change in formatting of dialogues in fics

Can someone tell me when the formatting has changed for dialogues in fanfics?

Lately I have seen multiple fics where the formatting is as follows;

“[Sentence]” said Character A. “[Sentence]” said Character B. “[Sentence]” replied Character A.

Before the usual format was like—

“[Sentence]” said Character A.

“[Sentence]” said Character B.

“[Sentence]” replied Character A.

Of course, I understand I have no right to judge, and everyone writes however they want, but as I personally prefer the old formatting, I was wondering when and why it has changed.

For me this stacked formatting is harder to read and more confusing, whilst the separated dialogues are easier to read, clearer and on the plus side resemble published books more, so I find it interesting that it has changed for some reason.

If it was just 1-2 fics, I wouldn’t have mentioned it but like 80-90% of fics in character x reader pairing tags of Criminal Minds and Shadow and Bone are written in this format. I have checked tags in Harry Potter and Bridgerton as well but nothing has changed there and still use the original formatting so obviously it caught my eyes and made me wonder. I have placed some of the tags I have checked in my tags.

I do have to mention I really like seeing fics where the paragraphs are indented, just like I did on this paragraph. Somehow it makes it easier to read, but then again, it is only my personal opinion and it doesn’t mean others think the same way or like the same things.

Does anyone know why and when it has changed? I haven’t read fics for months as I was doing my dissertation but now it has caught my eyes.

[sapphicsaints]

What if reader was Nikolai’s sister who’s in a relationship with Tamar and when they’re at sea they can actually be together but on land they can’t because it’s forbidden, maybe a jealousy one where her parents are pushing reader into an arranged marriage.

princesses get what they want

Tamar x Reader

Word Count: ~2.3k

Summary: “I’ll figure it out. Princesses are used to getting what they want.” 

“Oh and am I something you want?” Her eyes glimmered with a challenge.

A/N: Thank you so much for the request! I had fun writing this.

I was pissed when Nikolai said no to me accompanying them on the whaler. But he had a point - it’s too risky to have both of us together, to chance the Darkling recognizing us. Tailoring only went so far. We can’t shake the mannerisms we share, even the crew suspect we’re related, although they don’t know our true identities. Plus, it would be a shame for Ravka to lose both of their spares in one go. 

“I can’t trust you not to snap back at the Grisha.” He didn’t face me, still stood pouring over a map. 

My eyes narrowed. “Can’t trust me?” 

His head snapped over his shoulder. “You know as well as I do that your attitude can be … volatile.” 

I scoffed. “I have self control.” 

“Do you not remember the fight you got in with the Grisha children? How did that end last time?” 

“With a few bruised egos.” I laughed at the memory. Nikolai didn’t laugh. I’d caused quite the headache, and he’d been the one to explain it to my mother. 

Tamar snickered from the corner and I shot her a glare. She’s not helping the situation. 

--

I couldn’t help the relief I felt when Tamar returned safe, nor the anger when Nikolai announced she’d be sharing quarters with the Sun Summoner. I dragged him away to have a quiet, but heated exchange. 

“You didn’t bother to ask me before kicking me out of my room?” I hissed. 

“There’s a better room for you.” He tried to soothe. 

“Oh you know that’s not the reason.” 

He winced, looking around for someone to come interrupt. I poked a finger into his chest. “You owe me one.” He nodded before waving Privyet over, I took that as my chance to leave and find Tamar. 

I intercepted her on her way back up to get her rations. “Did you agree to this before?” I asked through clenched teeth. 

“I found out when you did.” She shrugged. 

“You’re not upset?” 

“Of course I am.” She said, with a tone of surprise, “But I can’t question him in front of everyone.” 

I sighed, she has a point. “I’m stealing you for a few hours.” I said, before dragging her back down, she laughed. 

--

“Are you excited to be back?” Alina asked as we walked into our lodgings for the night.

I looked at her, it was a genuine question. “I’d rather be anywhere else.” I answer drily. Tolya chuckled behind me. 

“Why?” She pushed. 

I sighed, not in annoyance, but explaining the situation might make it a bit more real than I want to. 

“Come on,” I said, and tugged her up the stairs towards our room. I shut the door and sat on the windowsill, motioning for her to take a seat. She sat on my bed, looking vaguely uncomfortable. The door opened again, Tamar walked in and leaned against it. I didn’t pay much attention to her, it would hurt too much to look at her now, and to explain this. Before she could say anything I started explaining. 

“Once we get back, they’re going to start trying to marry me off.” Alina glanced toward Tamar, her expression stony. I couldn’t meet her eyes. “And I love being called a bastard.” 

Alina’s eyes widened. I’m sure she’d heard the rumors, but confirmation is another thing entirely. 

I chuckled darkly, “Mother couldn’t stay away from the Kaelish.” There was a bite in my voice, an edge. “Isn’t it obvious?” I said, waving my hand over my face. Neither of the women in the room commented, Tamar already knew but Alina seemed in shock. I pushed myself up from my seat, heading to the door. I stopped a few paces away, turning my head over my shoulder.  

“I love my brother, but do yourself a favor and don’t marry him. Court is fucked up, you don’t want to be involved any more than you have to be Sun Summoner.”

I brushed past Tamar, “Always the dramatics” she whispered in my ear. I rolled my eyes but walked out. Hopefully she wasn’t on guard duty tonight, and I could steal her for a few hours. 

“You like it.” I said, and closed the door behind me. I heard her talking to Alina behind me, but didn’t reply. My shoulders sagged as I walked out the door. I felt it coming back - the burden. I didn’t like it. 

--

“You’ve finally returned.” Mother kissed both of my cheeks and I had to fight the urge to cringe back. 

“Did you not get any of our summons?” She asked. 

“They must’ve been lost.” I replied, my voice a bit distant. The tone I'd always adopted at home. I saw Tamar glance at me out of the corner of my eye, but I didn’t dare look back. If there was a mirror nearby I'd have been able to see the mask that slowly set in place, the hardness that settled in behind my eyes. It’s a shame how quickly old habits settle back in. One glance at Nikolai, and I saw it on him. My eyes narrowed as I watched Vasily sitting next to ‘father’. The hatred that swarmed through my body threatened to burst through, the one who’d made my life living hell growing up. The tension must’ve been palpable because I felt Nikolai’s hand on my shoulder. 

“It’s been a long journey.” He said, “We’ll settle in and return for dinner.” He steered me out of the room, hand on my shoulder, and I caught Tamar’s eye on the way out. I winked at her, and to her credit she didn’t break face - but I saw the amused glint in her eyes. At least one of us found it funny. It didn’t escape our parents' attention that we didn’t ask to be dismissed, that we left. It was a subtle threat - that we could leave again if we wanted to. 

“Did we really have to come back?” I muttered to Nikolai as we walked out of the throne room. 

“The walls have ears.” He replied, and I sealed my mouth shut. “We’ll talk later.” He finished, dropping me off at my room. I forced a smile on my face as servants began fluttering in and out, all but shoving me straight into the bath.

--

I agreed to meet her, just past sundown, on the grounds. She said there’s something she wants to show me. Sneaking past my guards and all of the servants dotting around too a bit of effort - and a little bit of blind faith, jumping out of the window into the soft bushes. 

I landed with a grunt, and heard laughter coming from across the lawn. My eyes narrowed and I saw a figure running towards me. Her. She’s supposed to meet me somewhere else completely. I’m struggling out of the bushes when her hand appears in front of me. I considered batting it away but ended up taking it and let her heave me to my feet, dragging me out of the bushes. I cross my arms to glare at her. 

“You weren’t supposed to be anywhere near here.” 

She laughed, a grin spreading across her face. The grin I love so much. “I couldn’t miss seeing the princess land in the bushes.” 

“How’d you know I’d take the window? I could’ve snuck through the halls.”

“Past all the guards Nikolai has stationed?” She laughed again. “You’re good, but you wouldn’t have made it past the first set of doors before someone told him.” 

I rolled my eyes. She has a point. Her eyes scan the surrounding area before she pulls me right into a tight hug. I squeeze back, holding on as long as I can. Eventually she untangles herself from me and kisses my forehead. 

“I’ve missed you.” She murmurs, holding me back at the shoulders. 

“I wish we could see each other more.” 

Her hands drop, one taking mine instead. I took this for granted at sea, being with each other publicly, without any fears. “Let’s go for a walk.” She said instead. 

We took the long way around the gardens. The silence felt tense for once, normally it was comfortable - easy. 

“Mother wants me to start meeting suitors.” I said, my voice low. I saw Tamar’s shoulders tense. 

“How do you feel about that?” She replied. 

I stopped and turned to face her. “What do you think?” 

“How am I supposed to know?” Maybe the hurt showed through my eyes because her eyes softened and she wrapped me up in another hug. “We knew this would happen.”

“I’ll fight it. I’ll find a way.” She hummed, like she didn’t believe me, but I would. I would find a way to get out of this, somehow. 

“I’m jealous.” 

That came as a surprise. It shouldn’t have. 

“Why?” I regretted the question as soon as it left my lips. “Nevermind.” I said quickly, covering my tracks. “What do you want to show me?” 

She placed a soft kiss on my lips before taking my hand again and smiling, dragging me towards the stables. We stood around the outside edge, in the shadows, watching the fights. We quietly placed bets on the fighters - I lost a fair bit of money, not that it really mattered to me. It reminded me of the Volkvolny - and she knew it. 

“Think any of them would fight me?” I asked. 

She laughed, “Not if they know who you are.” 

“Let’s get Genya to tailor me.” I said, my practically bouncing on my feet. “Tomorrow.” 

“And how are we going to explain who you are?” 

“I’ll figure it out. Princesses are used to getting what they want.” 

“Oh and am I something you want?” Her eyes glimmered with a challenge. I took a quick look around, nobody was paying attention, and dragged her to a corner. 

“Anyone can see.” She hissed “I know this place better than anyone.” I winked at her before dragging her off to a hidden corner on the grounds. 

I made Tamar a lot of money the next night, and pissed Tolya off. He figured it out after the first three fights, and dragged me back towards the Grand Palace, Tamar laughing her ass off in tow. Thankfully, she healed me, and nobody was none the wiser that they got their ass kicked by the Princess of Ravka. 

-- 

A party was thrown at the Grand Palace in honor of Nikolai’s birthday, and the Queen took it as an excuse to arrange some suitors to come visit. Tamar was on guard in the corner, the Sun Summoner attending. I faked some smiles, a few gentle touches on arms here and there. Too many dances with grubby hands. I was dancing with the son of a wealthy Kerch merchant when his hand drifted a bit too low. I firmly moved it back onto my waist, but caught Tamar’s face out of the corner of my eye - the look in her eyes made me gulp. She didn’t see me watching her, her eyes were narrowed on the man in front of me, waiting a few seconds too long before roaming the room again. I tried to catch her eye several times, even tried to stand next to her at one point, but it’s like she sensed me coming and moved before I could get close. I couldn’t fight the hurt and anger that slowly built up inside me. I’d go see her later tonight. I had too. 

I didn’t get that chance. Nikolai and I barely escaped with our lives - and I had the honor of dragging Baghra out of her cave. I fought in the infantry too, I thought I knew war, but shadow monsters that can’t be killed are something else entirely. The Darkling had changed the playing field completely, we were caught off guard, caught by surprise. I should have felt bad about Vasily being ripped to pieces, and part of me did, but the other was so angry that he put everything at risk for his own vanity, that I didn’t have space in my heart to mourn for him. 

I went back with him that night, and I saw no sign of her, no sign of anyone, just bodies littering the ground. No survivors in sight. I vomited that night for hours. Hidden away from everyone. She had to be alive, had to. I felt it, I would know if she was dead. Maybe it’s fake hope, but I clung to it like a lifeline. 

-- 

I didn’t expect anything special when Nikolai returned from the raid, he’d gone many times, and this is the one I decided to sit out, having been injured on the last. Of course the one I miss is the one Tamar showed up at. He conveniently forgot to tell me she’d been spotted at one of the smuggling stations. 

“I thought of you every day.” I said between kisses, hidden in one of many back hallways. 

“I did too.” She replied. 

“If you still want me.” Tamar went to interrupt, but I held up one hand. “Now that Nikolai’s King. There’s nothing stopping us.” 

Her head lowered, mouth moving to graze my ear. She didn’t answer my question directly. “Every time one of those men would put a hand on you. Every time you had to flirt back. I thought I'd explode.” She pushed me towards the wall, my back pressed against the stone cold. Tamar moved slowly, her hand tracing the side of my face, I leaned into her touch. “I couldn’t think of you the last few months. The idea that you might be dead. It was too painful.” 

I tilted my head to meet her eyes. “I knew you’d be alive.” I saw the confusion on her face. “I would’ve felt it if you died.” I held a hand up to my heart. It might be the cheesiest thing I've ever said, but the small smile on her face was worth it. I couldn’t handle it any longer, I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her in, pulled her into the kiss I’d been waiting months for. 

[writing-havoc]

could you do Tolya Yul-Bataar x fem!reader

you were going to gala, you felt bit nervous as you walks around and you bump to someone and it was Tolya, he hold your waist to be careful, you apologize, you two look each other, he asked to take you for walk, you two talk about his homeland, you really like to know him more *fluffiness*

(hope you will write it, thanks and have a good day)

The Gala

♡ Summary: Tolya catches you before you fall at a gala, and offers to take you on a walk to calm your nerves. You find he's a rather interesting man.

♡ Pairing: Tolya Yul-Bataar x Fem!Reader (ambiguous, please read indented)

♡ Fandom: King of Scars, Grishaverse

♡ Warning(s): None

♡ WC: 2.1k

Hello!! Thank you for your request!

I wrote this one ambiguous on purpose. It could either be taken romantically or platonically. I personally think Tolya is aromantic due to a line he says in the KoS series, but I know other people don't take it that way. So feel free to take this however you wish <3

Hope you enjoy it and that you have a good day as well!!

Please excuse any grammar and spelling mistakes

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To make a long story short, you feel incredibly grateful and attractive. Which is perfect to mask the sheer anxiety you feel.

King Nikolai was in attendance at this gala. And while you had no intention of meeting him, fate could have other plans for you.

It could send you tripping over your own silk gown and into him, his guards mistaking you for an assailant and killing you on the spot. You could make someone else bump into him, throwing the imported wine all over his first army garb. Hell, he could even choose to make conversation with you, to which you'd embarrass yourself by rambling about the intricacies of jewelry making and metalsmithing.

Saints, you need to calm down.

If you're not mistaken, there's a table around here with finger foods and drinks that could help.

The crowd, however, is incredibly unforgiving. People remain where they stand, almost as if they're completely unaware you're trying to make it last them. You put hands on shoulders and backs, apologize when you have to tilt your body to squeeze between groups of people, and all you get are glares and judgemental up-and-down looks.

People really need to be kinder, more considerate. They're not the only people that exist in this room. How are the servers supposed to go around and serve the alcohol? What if there was an emergency? Is it really that hard to consider moving one step to the left?

Your annoyance makes you distracted. You step on someone's shoe, throwing you completely off balance and sending you falling to the floor.

The only thing that could make this more humiliating is falling into someone. Which you do.

You feel yourself flush, embarrassment rushing through your brain as you try and correct yourself.

"Oh saints, please forgive me!" It takes a moment to realize just how big the man who caught you was. His arms are rather large, but he's also just plain tall. He easily stands a good couple centimeters above every person in this room. "I really have to be more careful."

You realize now he's one of the Kings guards, but its more or less irrelevant seeing as he's so far away from said King. The stoic look on his face cracks a little, a small smile forming on his angled face.

"It's alright, It's only right I apologize as well. Forgive me for bumping into you." He slips his arm away from your waist once you get yourself balanced within your heels. "You aren't hurt, are you?"

You fix the gloves around your wrists. "Oh, no. Not at all. For as big as you are you're incredibly gentle."

"That's good to hear."

It takes you a moment to realize the words that slipped past your tongue. Mortification pummels through your system.

"I didnt mean- im so sorry once again. That wasnt the best choice of words."

This is just so wrong. This isn't how anything was supposed to go. And now you feel so hot, face even prickling at the increase in your internal temperature. The man eyes you, squinting when you begin to fan yourself.

"Truly, I dont take offense. Would you like to go on a walk? Its much cooler outside."

It's definitely not a smart to follow a man you just met to a secondary location. But with the way he's dressed, and the way he carries himself, he isn't all that threatening. The Soldat Sol tattoo on his arms also does well to quell any lasting fears.

"That would be lovely, thank you."

He walks through the crowd with you trailing very close behind. People part to make room for him, and make a look of disdain when they see you trailing behind like a duckling.

But the moment that fresh cool evening air reaches your skin, it feels worth it. Like you can breathe.

You allow yourself to walk to the edge of the wrap around patio that surrounds this whole place. The garden has plants beginning to close, no longer needing to open their petals now that the sun is setting.

The flowers are red, and butterflies are making their last rounds to the buds that are still open.

"There's a flower, in Shu Han, that looks similar to this." He takes a step off the porch and approaches the flower.

He's incredibly gentle, fingertips barely grazing the petals and slotting the stem between his fingers. He encourages it up towards his face as he bends down to smell it, a smile adorning this face.

"What's it called?" You ask, picking up your dress and stepping down to join him.

"The one in Shu Han is called Datura Meloxia. It's incredibly poisonous. This one... I'm not sure."

You hook a finger around one of the stems, bringing it toward you.

It seems tropical, which is strange given that summers aren't all that hot here and Ravka has a winter season. The stigma reaches far out beyond the confines of the petals, and almost seems to have a cloud of surrounding the end.

"Do you know a lot about Shu Han?" You ask.

He let's out a chortle. "I should hope so. It's where I grew up."

"Listen, people are everywhere these days. I didn't want to assume you knew everything about there just because you look like you're from there."

"Thats very open minded of you."

You shrug. "Doesnt do us any good to be close minded, does it?"

He let's go of the flower, putting his hands back behind his back. "No. It doesn't."

The air feels a bit tense, weighing on your shoulders. The way he keeps his eyes trained on the flowers makes you feel as if you may have made him uncomfortable.

"Do you know anything about Shu Han you specifically enjoy?"

If there's anything you know about people, is that broad questions are usually the way to go. From there they can get as specific as they want or stay broad.

"Poetry." He says, going specific. "Epic Poetry, specifically. There's quite a few poems from both Ravka and Shu that are quite interesting."

That, ironically, piques your interest. "Like what?"

And it's like you opened up a dam, water spilling out in the form of languages you don't understand but find incredibly alluring. He's like an encyclopedia, citing poems that date back hundreds of years and reciting the lines as of he has the material right in front of him.

In a way you think he does. His eyes will get glossy and it's almost like he's turning the page when he talks with his hands, staring far into the distance at something you can only hope to see.

He does his best to translate the text, but you can tell it pains him that there isn't a direct translation that will allow you to appreciate the beauty of the poem.

But he does his best all the same, and you give as much encouragement as possible, smiling wide when he says something particularly grand. He even cites romance every once in a while, and you feel yourself cataloging the lines to digest later.

Because it really was interesting. You've thought about poetry maybe three, four times in your entire life when your mom brought home a book filled with them for her entertainment. But never did you think it could be this interesting.

Or maybe it's just because he makes it interesting, adding bits of history from both Ravka and Shu Han when he can.

It's also nice to see his face light up just a smidgen when you express your own knowledge, telling him you do actually know about that piece of history and jump into your own session of info dumping.

But as all good things do, they come to an end.

He's in the middle of explaining a poem from liturgical Ravkan (who /knows/ that?) when he becomes distracted.

"Everything alright?" You ask, raising on your toes but staying off the side as you try and capture his attention again.

"I'm fine, yes. However, it's time for us to part ways."

When he looks at you, you swear you see his lips turn down just a bit.

"Ah." You don't bother to hide your sadness. "That's alright. Would you like to pick this up a different day?"

He hums. "Only if you live near the Palace."

"Actually, I do." That gets his attention again. "I work at this little shop in the city just outside the gates in Os Alta in the market area. Its-"

"The bookbinding shop." He interrupts. "I remember now. I see you almost everytime I walk by there with the King."

You smile, wide and feeling better than before. "Yeah. We make journals and restore books."

He's silent for a moment, eyes flickering back and forth between you and whatever has his attention.

When his eyes settle on you, he's kind. Which isn't saying a lot since during this entire interaction he has been nothing but, but still. He's kind. "When I have a moment to spare, I will visit you again."

You clap your hands together, then hold your hand out for him to take. "Ill see you then."

His rough and warm hand shakes your own. And with a nod, he's gone.

You watch him leave, walking briskly past hoards of people who part for him like he's dangerous or purposefully bump into him.

Once he's out of eyesight, you allow yourself to calm your heart.

It's mostly leftover anxiety from before he caught you. When you look at the shadows on the ground you realize you and him hadn't actually talked for that long. You just don't want to make a lasting horrible impression on anyone, and you hope you didn't make him feel awkward talking with you.

But, you think he enjoyed it. He relaxed a little while talking to you, yet still kept to his duty as the Kings guard and never looked away from the mansion.

You feel satisfied.

"Hello there."

A woman's voice gets your attention. She looks similar to Tolya, and you remember she's also a part of the Kings personal guard. Perhaps they're taking turns? That would make sense.

"Hello. How are you?" You ask.

"Splendid. My names Tamar." She wraps an arm around your shoulder, which you immediately grab to steady yourself. "Im Tolya's older sister. I just wanted to take a look at the girl thats got my brother in such a good mood."

You perk up immediately. "Oh, how lovely! Tolya mentioned you a few times while he was talking about poetry."

Immediately she groans, which gets a giggle out of you. "I beg your forgiveness. Once he starts you have to kind of yell at him to get him to stop."

"Oh, don't apologize!" You slip out of her grasp, folding your hands neatly in front of you. "I quite enjoyed our talk. I never knew how much history could be stored in something as simple as a poem."

Her eyebrows nearly shoot into her hair, a look almost like incredulousness passes over her face. She snorts.

"You may just be the only person who can handle that."

That, you have to admit, makes you happy.

"What else are you interested in?"

Tamar was a little harder to talk to for the rest of the night. She's not as straight forward as her brother, but you can find the little similarities that make her feel almost familiar.

Once you have to part ways, the King possibly getting what he came here for, you waved goodbye to Tamar, and began to head to your carriage yourself.

Tonight was remarkably eventful. And as you watch Tolya and Tamar head off into the distance with their King in tow, you hoped that every once in a while they would stop by.

If only to get to know them more.

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Tags:

@xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx @kylie18 @morrigan-crowmwell @venomsvl @milkshake0

[sophierequests]

tolya yul-bataar

Navigation┃Main Masterlist┃Request

Angst: ☾ ┃ Fluff: ♡ ┃ Hurt/Comfort: ☆ ┃ Smut: ♤

"Why don't I ask Tolya to soothe you by reciting some poetry."

oneshots

underneath the surface (♡ / ☆) → Nikolai plans on going down into the hidden labs of Lazlayon, but Tolya reveals his fear of caves to the reader. How can they help him?

The man standing next to you only shot him a dissatisfied glance, chewing on the inside of his cheeks as his eyes darted over the stone in front of him. You didn’t quite know why he felt so uncomfortable with caves and underground exploration, but you were well aware that he did get unusually stressed whenever Nikolai would mention the possibility of being faced with the issue.

maybe i should try harder (♡ / ☆) → The reader doesn't feel like she belongs with the others so Tolya is there to comfort her.

However, exactly the one person that you assumed would never notice, grew the most concerned for you. Your sudden absence mixed with your change in behaviour was quite disconcerting to him, especially when he realized that none of the others seemed to know exactly what was going on with you.

i glow pink in the night (☆) → In fear of losing the other, Tolya and the reader decided to split before the war began. But what happens afterwards?

You couldn’t believe it at first. If Nadia hadn't told you the news with tears in her eyes and a victorious grin on her lips, effectively waking you up from your dazed state, you probably still wouldn’t be able to believe it. The Civil War was finally over.

tearing it all down (☾ / ☆) → Tolya tries to get along with the one person he hates, but now, other feelings threaten to come to the surface.

Tolya wouldn't say that he particularly hated, or even disliked, anyone. His faith had taught him that hatred was rarely ever justified, and merely the utterly blasphemous or cruel are deserving of his hostility. But you? You were certainly making him question that belief.

snowball fight (♡) → Snow shenanigans with Tolya.

Tolya truly had a love-hate relationship with winter. On one hand, he loved the snow, the festivities and spending time with his friends. On the other hand, the stinging cold of the snow and the harsh winds made him want to throw himself off the highest tower of the Grand Palace. 

you are foolish to want (☾ / ☆) → Tolya and the reader are on their way to the Lazlayon until unforeseen circumstances put a slight dent in their plans.

He couldn’t be sure how much longer the path ahead of you could possibly still drag on; all he knew was that he likely wouldn’t be able to stay awake for the entirety of it. The tension of riding next to you alone would have usually been enough to keep him from falling asleep. Hell, the thought of you alone did the job well enough already. Yet something about this time felt different. 

two-parters

on waters so inviting, i almost jump in pt. 1┃pt. 2 (☾ / ☆) → Tolya and the reader have been pining over the other since they met, but Tolya is too scared to get too close, since he and the reader are just seemingly too different.

“You know, normally I’d tell you to quit staring at them, but I don’t think I can blame you when they look this good.” Tamar appeared next to her brother without a warning, almost causing him to jump out of his skin. She looked awfully smug and he hated that he knew exactly what was going through her head.

headcanons

tolya yul-bataar x reader dating headcanons (♡)

tolya yul-bataar x chaotic!reader dating headcanons (♡)

[nalie-1998]

De Sombra y Polvo

Nikolai Lantsov x platonic!fem!reader.

Advertencias: Angustia, monstruos, sombra, fuego, incendio, derrumbamiento, sangre, llanto, Nikolai siendo un amor.

Era de noche, y el paso del sol había dejado la aldea hundida en la noche. Apenas habian pasado un par de horas desde que te habías ido a dormir a tu cama, pero tu padre te había levantado a altas horas de la noche. Todavía estabas algo dormida y la confusión ante lo que le pasaba a tu padre no ayudaba a la situación.

Nunca le habías visto tan alterado, con manos temblorosas y mirada completamente abierta, sus movimientos eran rápidos, casi frenéticos. Y sus ojos... estaban llenos de miedo, dándote escalofríos y haciendote saber que algo andaba teriblemente mal.

Intentaste darte prisa mientras cogías tu mochila y lo seguías afuera, topándote con el puro caos.

No veías absolutamente nada, escuchabas gritos de personas y chillidos erráticos que no podían provenir de un ser vivo natural.

Se veían luces de antorchas en la oscuridad, demasiado difuminados en la sombra como para llegar a servir de algo.

Lo único a lo que llegabas a alcanzar era a tu padre, que te había cogido de la mano para no perderte. Echando a andar todo lo rápido que podían, intentando huir del caos.

Viste un volcra salir volando por encima tuya, atacando a un grupo de personas que teníais a varios pasos más.

Diste gracias de no ver al monstruo atacar cuando tu padre tiró de tu mano.

-Mi cielo, sé que estás cansada, pero tenemos que irnos ya- tu padre, con una bolsa en el hombro, luchaba por arrastrarte más rápido por las calles de tu aldea.

-Papá... me duelen los pies- dijiste, intentando no tropezarte y caerte, siguiendo el paso que tu padre marcaba.

-Lo sé, mi cielo, pero no falta mucho para salir del borde.

Ibas a preguntar a qué se refería con el borde, pero no era el momento.

Sabías que no había tiempo, pero lo único que querías era pararte y conseguir un respiro tranquilo, o tal vez un rayo de sol que rompiese todo a tu alrededor. Querías dejar de escuchar los gritos, pero cada vez taladraban un poco más tu cerebro.

Decenas de tus vecinos pasaban a tu alrededor. Unos intentaban buscar un refugio seguro de la sombra, los más sensatos corrían en la misma dirección que vosotros. Otros desgraciados yacían en el suelo, inertes.

El fuego de una antorcha se había propagado hasta incendiar un edificio, dando algo más de claridad y ahuyentando los monstruos, pero todavía parecía la escena del infierno.

Apretaste más la mano de tu padre, dirigiendo tu mirada hacia el frente. No querías ver esto.

Dirigiste tu mirada hacia tu padre. Él sabía lo que hacía, estabas completamente segura. Si él decía que el borde era un lugar seguro, entonces tenía que seguir la dirección hacia donde le guiaba.

Él nunca la había fallado, ¿por qué iba a fallar ahora?

Estaba segura a su lado, él la protegería de todo. Lo único que tenía que hacer ella era andar todo lo rápido posible.

Un grito salió de la garganta de su padre antes de empujarte hacia un lado, soltando su mano de la tuya.

Lo siguiente que registraste en tu cerebro fue la visión de un volcra clavando sus garras en el pecho de tu padre antes de alzar el vuelo y subir arriba y arriba.

Escuchaste sus gritos unirse a los de el resto de aldeanos, mientras te quedabas ahí, pegada a la pared de piedra a la que te había empujado para salvarte, sintiendo tu brazo palpitar por el dolor del golpe, viendo a tu padre alzar.

El volcra lo soltó desde la altura, su cuerpo cayendo inerte hasta el suelo, cayendo sin apenas ruido entre la algarabía.

Tenías que ponerle a salvo al igual que él había estado haciendo contigo toda tu vida.

Tu cerebro no se molestó en pensar en lo que estabas haciendo, ni mucho menos en registrarlo y guardarlo en tu memoria.

Sólo te tiraste hacia su cuerpo y lo arrastraste hacia la cabaña vacía a la que te había empujado.

Te tirarse la suelo, apenas pudiendo mantenerte, y te hundiste en el costado de tu padre. Abrazándolo  todo lo que pudiste.

Su cuerpo se sintió extrañamente húmedo y rígido, cuando sus abrazos solían ser cálidos y suaves, pero te mantuviste ahí, con los ojos cerrados con fuerza, esperando hasta que los estridentes sonidos finalmente terminasen.

Todo te olía terriblemente mal. Desde la sangre que envolvía el ambiente hasta el humo del fuego que te hacía toser al intentar respirar.

Si levantabas la cabeza y mirabas por la ventana de la casa, podías ver la oscuridad profunda, con el crepitar del fuego de algunos edificios en llamas acompañado de el sonido de alguna que otra bala rozando el aire.

No había nada.

Al mirar a tu padre, sólo podías ver que sus ojos estaban firmemente cerrados mientras dormía, seguramente debido a las heridas de ese volcra, te aventurarte a pensar.

Pero despertaría, ¿verdad? Él nunca te había dejado sola, se despertaría a tu lado y te ayudaría a salir de aquí.

Tu propio cuerpo te dolía y temblaba con cada movimiento, pero usando todas las fuerzas que te quedaban, agarraste el brazo que todavía l3 quedaba a tu padre y lo arrastraste hasta la esquina más alejada de la puerta y la ventana.

Su cuerpo todavía estaba flácido y seguía cayendo hacia adelante sobre sí mismo, pero en el ángulo correcto podías colocar a tu padre relativamente erguido. Respirando profundamente, te inclinaste hacia su costado y lo volviste a abrazar con aun más fuerza, esperando alguna señal de ayuda.

-----

-Es una retribución- Nikolai suspiró, quitandose los rizos rubios de la cara. - Debería de haber sabido que el Oscuro atacaría a las aldeas cerca de la sombra.

Alzó la cabeza para mirar a todos los presentes en la tienda de mando que se había instalado cerca de uno de los puntos afectados.

Tan sólo estaban presentes Zoya, Genya, David y Alina. Pero aun así sintió las miradas de cada uno de ellos en él, siguiéndole mientras estaban delante del mapa ravkano de la mesa.

Después de que Alina hubiese devuelto la sombra a su forma original, habían mandado a la mitad de sus activos de las zonas fronterizas a intentar salvar lo que hubiese quedado allí.

Habían tenido que matar ya a varios volcra y apenas se habían encontrado supervivientes, enterrados en los recovecos más seguros de las aldeas o bajo las ruinas de algún edificio.

Genya, sin estar muy segura de qué hacer en ese momento cogió aire profundamente, asintiendo a sus palabras.

-Intentaré encargarme de que los suministros médicos y la comida llegen a todos los puntos afectados. Intentaré ayudar a curar a los supervivientes, aunque me temo que no hay muchos.

Nikolai vió marcharse a Genya por la salida de la tienda.

Zoya y Alina no tardaron en poner cada una una excusa y marcharse. Solía incomodar y decepcionar ver al rey de Ravka sin el control de su propio país.

Él solía tener todo bajo control, y la gente se había acostumbrado tanto a sentirse segura y alegre a su alrededor que cuando él estaba frustrado la gente se alejaba, sin saber muy bien qué había cambiado.

Nikolai apoyó sus manos sobre la mesa delante de él, viendo de reojo cómo David se acomodaba en una silla de la tienda y abría su libro, envorvándose sobre las hojas amarillentas como siempre.

Fijó su mirada sobre el mapa de ravka que tenía enfrente suya. Cuatro aldeas distintas habían sido arrasadas, todas en el lado oriental.

Había sucedido durante esa misma noche, no habían tenido ninguna advertencia por parte del Oscuro ni siquiera tiempo para reaccionar.

Nikolai aún no sabía cómo lo había hecho como para montar un campamento de refugiados y dos regimientos para restauración y sanación. Apenas había terminado de desayunar cuando a primera hora de la mañana había entrado un mensajero en el Gran Palacio para dar las noticias.

Lo único que recuerda desde entonces es haber llamado a todos los mensajeros posibles hacia todos los puestos militares cercanos para pedir refuerzos.

Y luego ir a caballo junto a los gemelos shu, Alina y un par de reclutas de la seguridad de Palacio para empezar cuanto antes, montando el campamento a media hora a caballo de la aldea más cercana.

Nikolai se volvió a pasar una mano por el pelo, tenía que haberlo visto venir. Eran un punto débil y debería de haberlos protegido.

-Perdón... ¿Puedes parar de dar golpecitos con el pie?- la voz de David hizo que Nikolai parase su pie casi al instante y volviese su atención hacia él.

El materialki se emostro incómodo ante la mirada del chico y volvió a bajar la cabeza hacia su libro, recorriendo los bordes de la hoja con sus dedos.

Se quedaron en silencio, cada un en su propio cerebro hasta que Nikolai sintió la necesidad de hacer algo para distraerse. No podía estar en su tienda sin hacer nada mientras el resto estaba esforzándose sin pata para salvar a todos los posibles de la situación

-David, ¿sabes donde está Tolya?- Nikolai volvió a captar la atención de David al romper el silencio.

-Ah... -David frunció el ceño y ladeo la cabeza, intentando recordar- Creo que se había ido a ayudar con la búsqueda de supervivientes. En ese pueblo de la iglesia de granito...

-¿Reijvak?- Nikolai preguntó. Era el más cercano al campeonato, cosa que agradeció en el fondo.

-Sí creo que era ese. ¿Sabías que el granito se forma a partir de la cristalización de magma bajo la superficie terrestre? Tarda millones de años y... Oh, ya se ha ido.

David observó a su rey desde la apertura de la puerta de la tienda, viendole abrocharse y alisarse su uniforme verde oliva antes de subir a una montura y galopar por el camino terroso.

Inspiró el olor a polvo del claro y volvió a su libro, haciendo caso omiso de todo el ruido del campamento.

----

Cuando Nikolai por fin llegó a Reijvak, se encontró a Tolya en el interior de una casa semiderruida, de pie y con los brazos cruzados, mirando hacia un agujero entre un montón de escombros que deberían de haber sido en su momento una pared interior de la casa.

-Niña, por todos los Snaktos, tienes que venir conmigo- La voz de Tolya, normalmente calmada y segura, ahora sonaba desesperada y algo harta.

Nikolai vió asomarse una cabecita llena de polvo y hollín antes de volver a agacharse y esconderse entre el refugio improvisado entre los escombros.

El gigante suspiró y se llevó una mano al tabique de su nariz, negando para sí.

Cuando Nikolai se puso a su lado, soltando un breve saludo, mirando en dirección al agujero enfrente de los dos hombres.

El grisha le dió un asentimiento como saludo antes de relajar un poco su posición tensa.

-La niña lleva ahí desde el desastre de la Sombra -Tolya explicó con voz cansada- El equipo de recuperación se llevó un cuerpo, al que suponemos que era su tutor. Desde entonces no ha sido razonables.

-Eso es comprensible-Nikolai murmuró antes de avanzar en un par de pasos lentos para que la niña no se asustase.

La pequeña estaba intercalando su mirada entre la figura de Nikolai acercándose y la del charco de sangre al lado de Tolya, donde debería de haber yacido su tutor.

Tenía la ropa sucia y rasgada por algunas partes, con algunos rasguños y moratones, pero mayoritariamente ilesa, algo que tranquilizó al rubio.

Nikolai se puso de rodillas para ponerse a la altura de la pequeña. La menor alzó la cabeza entre curiosidad y miedo, dejando que Nikolai viese sus ojos.

Los tenía rojos, no sabía si de llorar o de la suciedad del aire. Pero lo peor era el miedo cadente que estropeaba sus ojos y hacía temblar su figura.

Parecían los de un cervatillo buscando un refugio antes de que él cazador lanzase la flecha final. Y eso Nikolai no quiso ni pensarlo, al sentir su pecho aplastarse.

La chica dejó su mirada del charco de sangre y Tolya para centrarse por fin en el rubio, su mirada emanado desesperación.

-¿Adónde os lo habéis llevado?-Sacaste más la cabeza del escondite, intentando sonar amenazante con tu voz temblorosa- Li quiero devuelta.

-¿Hablas de tu tutor?- La voz del rubio fue suave y calmada, tranquilizando a la chica. Su paciencia estaba más intacta que la de Tolya.

Saliste del tu escondite a rastras, intentando no darte con la piedra sobre ti. Te pusiste delante de Nikolai sentada sobre tus rodillas, a una distancia prudencial de él por si acaso tenías que volver a los escombros.

-Es mi... mi padre. Él estaba conmigo y luego su pecho estaba todo rojo y paramos a descansar -Empezaste a temblar entera mientras intentabas encontrar las palabras para lo que sabías que era verdad- Él... no va a volver, ¿verdad?

Nikolai vió cómo tus ojos se aguaron y tus manos temblaban sobre tus piernas. Negaste fuertemente con la cabeza, haciendo que algunas cenizas se escapaban du tu pelo mientras intentabas controlar tu llanto.

-Lo siento mucjo- Nikolai murmuró antes de acercarse lentamente a tí hasta estar a un palmo de distancia.

Puso su mano en tu hombro lentamente, dandote tiempo a negar su toque. Frotó pequeños círculos con su pulgar, intentando consolarte.

Nikolai esperaba que empezase a gritar o patalear, algo visceral que igualara el horror que te habían hecho vivir. No merecías eso. ¿Cómo iba a merecer eso un niña?

Una vez que tus lágrimas pararon, permaneciste preocupantemente silencioso, balanceándote suavemente.

Te echaste hacia delante, echándote sobre Nikolai hacia delante y abrazándole. Rodeaste su pecho con tus brazos y lo estrujaste todo lo que pudiste, con tu rostro hundido en la tela de su uniforme, inspirando su aroma a limpio.

Lo abrazaste todo lo fuerte que pudiste, llenándole el uniforme verde oliva de polvo, lágrimas y mocos.

Sentiste su brazo rodearte, y sentiste la seguridad y el calor hogareño que tu padre te hacía sentir en tu pecho cada vez que te arropaba en tu cama.

Otra mano se ubicó en tu cabeza, haciendo círculos suaves y tranquilizadora, que te hicieron respirar calmada.

Un rato después, cuando ya estabas debatiéndose entre el sueño y la vigilia, con tus párpados revoloteando para quedarte despierta, Nikolai afianzó su agarre sobre ti y se puso de pie con cautela.

-Gracias- Tolya susurró pata no despertarte, caminando al lado de Nikolai hacia el campamento de supervivientes- No creo que hubiese podido convencer a ese diablillo de salir de allí.

-No es nada, Tolya. -El rubio formó una sonrisa ladeada en su rostro en el silencio cómodo entre ellos antes de seguir- Todavía vamos a tener que hacer que un pobre sanador la intente curar.

El gigante soltó una carcajada profunda y grave mientras seguían caminando.

La grava y las piedras crujía bajo sus pies y el polvo se levantaba a su paso por las calles desoladas de la aldea. Todavía quedaba un trecho hasta la plaza, donde había ordenado ubicar el campamento.

En ese ambiente casi apocalíptico escucharon a un par de pájaros en el cielo cantar, rompiendo el silencio entre los dos hombres.

El viento hacía que la luz del atardecer no fuese suficiente para evadir el frío, por lo que Nikolai examinó arrojando a la kiña en el uniforme de su chaqueta.

-¿Quién se va a hacer cargo de ella?- Tolya rompió el silencio, dando luz a él pensamiento que había estado rondando por la cabeza de Nikolai.

Nikolai suspiró, sin saber muy bien qué decir. No podía estar eternamente en el campamento de refugiados, pero tampoco sabía de alguien con quien dejarte.

Había rondado una idea por su cabeza. Genya y Zoya llevaban buscándole una pareja para conseguir tener a un heredero después de morir. Tal vez podía tenerte a ti y cuidarte...

No. Era demasiado arriesgado. Además, Zoya lo mataría si se presentaba en el Gran Palacio con una huérfana d ela que no sabía ni su nombre.

-Por ahora le llevaremos al campamento -Nikolai respondió, ajustando la chaqueta sobre ti, que se había ido cayendo poco a poco- Allí podrá descansar mejor y podrá estar al cuidado de la brigada.

-¿Y después?- Tolya preguntó.

-Después... -Nikolai sonrió para sí, con el paso en el camino y la mirada en el atardecer- Conseguiré una solución más permanente.

Tolya asintió levemente, aunque frunciendo el ceño. No sabía lo que su amigo estaba retorciendo en su cerebro, pero había algo que le daba muy mala espina.

Pero no se sorprendió al verte tres semanas después correteando por los pasillos del Pequeño Palacio junto a varios de los estudiantes grisha más pequeños. Y mucho menos le extrañó escuchar los gritos de Zoya cuando se enteró de lo que Nikolai acababa de hacer.

[notelcol]

Sooo I haven’t posted for the last two weeks 👉👈

Since I missed four posts, I will be posting for four days consecutively as an offering to the Hellsite😬

Please accept my apologies, demons of tumblr…

Feel free to send in requests and challenge me as punishment😁

🫶🌹

[phoenixs-fandoms-and-writings]

Do You Feel Better?

Fandom: Shadow and Bone

Character: Tolya Yul-Bataar

Pairing: this can be seen as a close friendship or any sort of pairing, doesn’t have to be love. I wrote them as friends who love each other in a friendly way. It’s inspired by one of my friendships, but it’s Tolya and GN!reader

Summary: You and Tolya are walking around the port the Volkvolny stopped at and you see your ex. It throws you into a panic attack and Tolya helps you through it.

I wrote this after I saw my ex and I needed some sort of comfort.

Notes: I don’t own Grishaverse or Tolya. This account is a safe space.

I do not give permission to anyone to repost or translate any of my stories. I also do not give anyone permission to feed my stories through AI or to be posted to any third party website or app. If anyone sees any of my work posted anywhere but here or my AO3 (simplyreflected), then it has been posted without permission.

Read on AO3 here.

You and the crew of Volkvolny had stopped at one of the Nations but you couldn’t remember which one it was this time. You were walking around the area with Tolya, listening to him recite poetry and tell you stories, when you saw your abusive ex.

You start freaking out and taking Tolya’s hand wrapping it around your shoulder, so you could lean into him as you see your ex come over. He leans down slightly, kissing the top of your head.

Your ex was trying to talk to you but Tolya got his attention and spoke to him, but you don’t really listen; just focusing on breathing and not freaking out.

After what felt like forever, but was probably a few minutes, Tolya pulls you away after you’d grabbed his arm tighter to remind yourself that he was there, as you started having a panic attack.

He guides you along and once you’re further away from them, he leans in and says, “love, I need you to focus on my voice. Only my voice. I need you to repeat after me, ok?”

You nodded and he started reciting random numbers with you repeating them after each and when he noticed your breathing starting to calm down, he smiled and cupped your cheek with his other hand and guided you to look up at him.

“Do you feel better?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, love. Do you want to tell me what happened as we go back?”

You nod as the two of you start walking, “he was my ex. Before joining Sturmhond’s crew, I dated him and he was horrible. He would belittle me when we were with others and flirt with other people in front of me. He was the complete opposite of you and the others on the Volkvolny.”

He nodded as you spoke and when you finished, you looked at him and he smiled at you in a way that made everything feel a little better and told you, “I promise on my life, I will never hurt you and I will never let anyone else hurt you like that.”

You smiled as you looked up at him, “I know.” You paused before changing the subject. “I know you love poetry, and I know your favourite ones change all the time, so what is it right now?”

Both of you kept walking as he thought and it was as you stood in front of the ship that he stopped you looked in your eyes as he recited his current favourite. “It makes me think of you. Thats why its my favourite.”

It made you blush and you could feel yourself swell with so much love as you looked at him.

He started walking up onto the ship before he looked back at you, “are you coming to join me? Maybe we can find Tamar and some of the others.”

You followed him up and the first person you saw was Tamar. You smiled seeing Tamar and Tolya together before they walked over.

“Stay here,” Tolya told you as Tamar left the ship. He kissed you and looked over at the others that Tamar had been sitting with, “they’re playing cards. Maybe you should join them.”

You smiled up at him and watched as he joined his sister waving at her, and she waved back. Happy, you turned back to the part of the crew that were playing cards and walked over to them.

You had been playing cards for a few rounds before you felt someone sit down next to you. You looked up to see Tolya had come back and not far away was Tamar.

“You don’t need to worry about them, love,” he said as you handed your cards to Tolya so you could lean against him. “They’ll never come near you again.”

You hugged Tolya, as you responded with teary eyes, “Thank you.”

When you pulled back, you looked at Tamar, and hugged her, before saying, “Thank you.”

You looked around before adding. “I feel so lucky to have all these amazing people around me. Being here, with all of you, feels more like home than being with him ever did. This is my family.”

“We protect each other, love,” Tolya told you before he kissed the top of your head. You leaned against him as the next card game started.

[ar3-y0u-l0st]

》 🄶🅁🄸🅂🄷🄰🅅🄴🅁🅂🄴

Requests: Open / Closed

"There is only two things finite; the universe and the greed of men"

- ALEXANDER MOROZOVA

- ALINA STARKOV

- MALYEN ORETSEV

- KAZ BREKKER

- INEJ GHAFA

- JESPER FAHEY

- WYLAN VAN ECK

- NINA ZENIK

- MATTHIAS HELVAR

- ZOYA NAZYALENSKY

- NIKOLAI LANTSOV

- TOLYA YUL-BATAAR

- TAMAR KIR-BATAAR

---------------------------------------------------

(*) Will not, under any circumstances, write smut

(**) If you're into them then I won't deprive you ig

[wh0refornikolailantsov]

Compass Of Pirates - Nikolai Lantsov

Summary: Nikolai is given a compass that he was told would solve all his problems, and yet he cannot figure out why it doesn't seem to work. Yes, I am merging with Pirates Of The Caribbean because I fucking can.

Content Warnings: No Beta/Proof Reading.

Nikolai Taglist: @hauntedenthusiasttragedy

The brass points across the centre of the compass are centred by a sundial, which as far as Sturmhond can tell is the most functional part of the compass. He holds the compass in the clutch of his palm, staring at the red arrow as it gently swings between two points, neither of which are north. He had picked it up from someone in one of the markets in the last port they docked in. It was this rocky, mountainous island, just off the northern coast of the mainland. The name of the port escapes the captains mind, but it was some fishing port with a name not unlike a weapon of some kind. But that isn't really important, what is important is the illusion of help this compass had been acquired under. "It will bring you to what you most desire," they had said, "the compass never leads you wrong." He had been dubious but nevertheless he has hope he isn't sure he has a right to, and yet he was finding the outcome very disappointing.

"This thing doesn't even point north," Sturmhond says, staring again at the compass in his hand. Mal shrugs, offering out his open hand.

"May I?" he asks. He hands it over, without pause and the dial spins to quickly into a new direction the moment it touches Mal's palm. Mal watches the dial and follows it's direction. He knows exactly what the privateer has observed, that this compass does not point north, but instead it is now pointing at Alina, who is leaning over the edge of the ship, staring at the way the waves are breaking onto the boats side, creating the white foam of sea spray and she is smiling like she has never seen the ocean before. "Oh, Sturmhond," Mal says, "it points north alright," he chuckles, "true north."

The Captain frowns. "True north?" he questions, staring the tracker down. "What kind of navigational system are you working on Oretsev?"

"The only one that hasn't ever lead me wrong," he hands the compass back to Sturmhond and the moment it enters his hand it changes direction back to where it had been previously pointing. Mal taps the fabric of his shirt, directly over his heart. "I told Alina about true north once, she asked me what scared me most, and I told her I get the most scared when I am lost, but I don't really get lost. Yet, getting lost happens even if you know where you are sometimes. So I told her about cardinal north and true north."

"Cardinal north is a direction on a map," Sturmhond says. Mal nods, not letting his eyes leave the Sun Summoner. "So, as for true north?"

"True north is home," Mal says, sounding more like a poet than a tracker, "it is where you feel safe and loved."

"Miss Starkov is your truth north," Sturmhond says with a nod. Mal doesn't even need to respond to that. "So you think this compass points to what exactly?"

"Whatever you most desire, that's what the translation says on the side isn't it?" Mal says, finally looking at him. "You did see that, didn't you? Since you're always six steps ahead of everything, and ever so flawless Captain?"

He is too eager to test the theory to even care about Mal's teasing of him. He just thanks him absentmindedly and follows the compass forward. "Don't walk off the edge of the ship," Mal calls after him, "or do..."

He spends a good while walking the length of the decking, trying to figure out why the dial spins into a change of direction, seemingly without link. "Maybe you don't know what you want," Mal teases, observing him.

"Doesn't this interest you?" Sturmhond asks, running a hand through his tousled hair.

Mal shrugs. "What use is a compass what would be pointing right beside me all of the time?" he asks. "Besides my heart always brings me back to her."

"You're good with your words when it suits you, aren't you?" Tamar asks, coming to stand beside Mal, bored of her card game and far more interested in whatever it is that has gotten the Captain all pacing and flustered. "Still staring at the broken compass?"

"It's not broken," Mal says, "it's just not helpful."

"A compass's only purpose is to point north, and it doesn't, so it's broken," Tamar argues.

"It's a heart compass, not a compass," Mal says. The Heartrender laughs.

"Those are legend," she says, taking some walnuts from her pocket to snack on. She offers him one and he shakes his head to dismiss the offer.

"Wasn't the Stag legend too?" Mal retorts. Tamar gives him a shrug.

"That means nothing of all legend," is her response, but she keeps watching Sturmhond.

"It doesn't even make sense," he says finally holding the compass up and above his head to see how the dial moves. "It's not pointing to anything, I thought it might've been pointing to Ravka but I was wrong."

"You're suggesting your truest love is a country?" Mal asks, "what kind of excessive patriotism is that?"

"You're not patriotic?" Tamar asks, her tone littered with laughter.

"No," he admits, not feeling pulled down by the admission, "I came here for Alina. She's my flag, my nation, she is the one thing I remain loyal to."

Tamar's question was to sway Mal from paying too much attention to the captains words, but he doesn't throw her a look of gratitude, instead he returns to his fixation on the compass, as it spins to point towards the ships bow. Some of the crew start to appear on deck, changing placement as the time passes, and Tolya walks beside you, as you tell him something out of their earshot.

He takes his eyes off the compass, staring directly at you, forgetting what his original intentions had been, he offers you a smile and you grin back, all teeth and cheer. Even after the days at sea nothing seemed to sway your mood.

Tamar elbows Mal in the side and before her can take issue with it, she nods his attention to Sturmhond, who has lost interest in the compass altogether in your presence.

"Got it working yet?" you ask, coming closer to the three of them Tolya by your side.

"Think it might be a lost cause," the privateer admits, holding the compass down and to his side, as if to hide it's direction from those around you.

"Come on, Captain, plenty have said that about broken things, but often you just need time or the right pair of hands," you say, "show me?"

He hesitates and Mal and Tamar share a look, a look that spreads into matching grins. "Oh, he is not as smart as he gives himself credit for," Mal says in hushed words.

"Most of the time he is, but any heart can get blind sighted, and when the heart is blind, the mind can fog," Tamar says, voice equally low.

You look at him and he is smiling at you like you're a sunrise, like he is seeing you for the first time, and you wonder how he always manages to look at you like this. Look at you in a way that makes your head spin and your stomach twist. You know Sturmhond, and you know the man can flirt like second nature, that no one you've yet to meet have been susceptible to his charms, so you try not to let go to your head. But that's not easy when he looks at you like he has just discovered what love is for the very first time.

He holds out the compass out and you look at it, not reaching to take it from his hands, you move around to his perspective for the dial to swing back in your direction. You lean around him, to get a better look and then stare out at the ocean. But he just watches you, not as much are daring to confirm what he suspects by glancing to the compass.

You move back in front of him, and the dial points to you, and you turn your head to look at the big blue expanse behind. "Compass doesn't know north that's for sure," you say, giving him a wild smile and a shrug. "But I guess it's no better than most of us in that."

"It doesn't know north," he agrees, shoving the compass back in his pocket, "but it seems to know things I should have before now."

"Hmm?" you ask, turning back to him from the waves.

"Nothing, now, tell me, what was so funny?"

[teaenthusiast65]

Shadow and Bone Fanfic Idea

Alright Fam, hear me out.

The Darkling falling in love with a living amplifier...? 

Or a fic about Tolya and an original character...?

Or Both. 

Let me know via notes/comments/DM

--Tea 

P.S Hell, even a Lewis Tan or Ben Barnes fic really! 

[zoyalaisobachka]

New part!

Zoya: Genya, help! Zoya: [screenshot] Zoya: Do you know what this is about? Zoya: Or how I can help him?

[kindness-ricochets]

Happy Autism Pride Month! (David Kostyk-centric fanfic, because autism)

In honor of Autism Pride Month, here’s a quick fic!

David needs Tolya’s help...

"Tolya, I wonder if I might ask your assistance." Tolya sat alone in the courtyard of the royal palace, tending his weapon. He had a nick in the blade and a minor imperfection that would cause significant difficulties later if left untended. He was, in short, distinctly busy. David approached anyway. By his observation most people were usually about some task or another, and by his experience they may be otherwise occupied in important thoughts regardless of their apparent ease. Really the ideal time to approach someone didn't exist. Tolya looked up from his work. "What do you need?" Ah, if only it were so simple. "Well," David began. He drummed his fingers against the little journal held in his hands–ideal size for a pocket, small enough that drumming his fingers on it meant tapping his own nails. "Given your expertise on poetry," David explained, "I hoped you might help–I'm trying to–Genya has said that I don't compliment her." She had also said that she didn't mind. He almost wished she had not said that, because it seemed to mean that she did mind, and he could never tell when the one meant the other. "It's metaphors," he said. "If you can fix my metaphors, I can fix your blade." Tolya raised an eyebrow. He held out the sword; David felt much simpler now, just himself and the molecules of the blade. He brushed his fingers along the metal: a thought, an intention, and a reparation. Tolya touched the previously nicked spot. Now it was perfect and sharp. "A standard romantic metaphor will be something beautiful," Tolya said, "perhaps a gem?" David felt himself grimace. "That's… I don't get metaphors. Gems are standard. I suppose Genya is also standard as humans, like gems, follow established molecular sequencing patterns, but gems are quantified–luster, hardness, diaphaneity, cleavage." Tolya's eyebrows did a thing. David had said… something. "Obviously humans can also be quantified." "Well this sounds like a fascinating conversation," Tamar drawled to announce her presence. "I'm helping David write romantic poetry for Genya." "Oh." Tamar grinned. "All right. So that's why you two were talking about cleavage." "Yes," said David. The twins exchanged a look. People did that around him quite often. He didn't care for it, but he had fixed Tolya's blade and he needed beautiful words for Genya in trade. She deserved the world. The very least he could give her was a metaphor. "Not gems, then," Tolya concluded, "maybe–" "--a lioness!" suggested Tamar. "Genya is… not very like a lioness," David said. "Though I don't doubt she could rip a man's throat out with her teeth, it seems unlikely. And unromantic." "Depends on your perspective," Tamar offered. Tolya said something to her in a look. She shrugged. "A star?" Tolya offered. "A star is beautiful from a distance," at least, David had heard they were beautiful, he didn't find that to be the case, "but if you were to approach one, you would burn in its fire. Genya is very capable of danger, but it's something I respect in her, not why I love her." "What metaphor would you use?" Tolya asked. David didn't even need to think about it: "Socks." The twins had another silent conversation. Then Tolya asked, "How so, David?" "Socks are simultaneously gentle and hardy. We trust them to endure thousands of steps, they're strong and capable of great achievements, just like Genya. They make an otherwise painful and unpleasant experience like walking long miles into something pleasant. I could walk a thousand miles if I walked them with her. No, not a thousand, but many. And socks protect us. My world is better with her, like with in wool socks in winter." To David, it made perfect sense. Genya was as wonderful as a pair of socks, more so perhaps! But from the looks on the twins' faces, he understood that his suspicion had been correct, and this was an unromantic sentiment. It was why David didn't like poetry. A poem would compare Genya to something unobtainable, like a star. Something impossible to hold, like a crisp spring day. He didn't know what was so romantic about something being unreal. He very much appreciated her actual existence. Tolya stood and clapped David on the shoulder. "You may not have the timing of a poet, but you have the soul of one." "That's…" "Trust me. I know poetry."