#todd pulls out a whole fucking album

[inahallucination]

dps au where neil casually mentions he has a bf

no one:

neil: yeah i got this shirt from my BOYFRIEND

someone: hey neil, how’s your day bee-

neil: amazing, because of my BOYFRIEND

someone: ...i see... well good for yo-

neil: yes im so lucky to have my BOYFRIEND

so that someone will ask him about said bf

someone: ....so um you have a boyfriend

neil: omg how did you know???????????

someone: um-

neil: would you like to see a picture

all so that he can pull out one of these bad boys

with all the pic slots filled with todd

[in-som-niyah]

hi!! i’m literally so obsessed with your work i’ve been scrolling your profile all day 😭😭 i was wondering if you could write something about jason x fem!reader getting married? mostly fluff but ill never say no to some good smut

a/n: "i’m literally so obsessed with your work i’ve been scrolling your profile all day" WHAT DO YOU MEANNNNNNNN STOP UR GONNA MAKE ME CRY THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME HELLO??? like wdym u like my work so much u spend so much time on my blog i love u gimme kiss

anyway this prompt is *chefs kiss* bc we all know Big Bad Jason Todd™ is such a loverboy softie but most of all he loves hard.

I think that before he met you he never thought that he would be so enamoured with someone who also feels the same way about him at the same time, that also wants to marry him??? He thinks he's too flawed and violent and abrasive for someone to even like being around him. So marrying him??? haha you're funny.

But after YEARS (yes, it takes him years of a committed relationship with you to fully trust that you actually like being with him for an extended period of time, let alone forever) of handling his emotions, outbursts and injuries with grace while still giving him a whack at the back of his head when he's being stupid, he considers marrying you.

Remember, Jason Todd is fucking scared himself, and he doesn't want to scare you off with a ring that literally promises forever with him. Though he loves you, he wants you to be happy in the end. Will you be happy with him in the end?

It takes a lot of mental and emotional strength to overcome these fears that swirl around his head.

When he does get over it though, he's so attentive yet sneaky when picking your ring. There's a luxury jewellery store on the way to your favourite clothing store at the mall, and he literally takes you to the whole mall just to pass by the store. He always looks to see what your eyes catch, what you like and don't like. Doesn't matter if he ends up spending hundreds since you're at the mall so much, he'll do it just to make sure he gets exactly what you want.

Jason also uses his extensive detective training to find out what cut and stone you want on the ring. He's ok with diamonds, but would want something more unique and personal for his love. He wants something that always reflects you, no matter the occasion.

Side note: once the ring comes he would definitely put together a photo album of pics he took of the ring in plain sight while you're completely oblivious just for shits and giggles

Finally, when it's time to pop the question, he doesn't do flashy and big productions with lights and letters and petals and stuff.

He would be dancing in the kitchen with you on a lazy Saturday, eating pancakes and bacon and when the song ends just casually asks "if I were to ask you, would you marry me?" Now he looks collected as he lovingly smiles down at you but is actually shitting himself until you say that you would in fact marry him if he asked. Then he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out the most perfect, detailed, gorgeous ring you could ever ask for while properly asking you to marry him. Cue the waterworks (from both of you) and the celebratory make-out sesh.

Y'all definitely fucking the night of the proposal though

I feel like it would be realllllly possessive since yk you literally belong to him now

"tell me who this pussy belongs to, pretty girl" Knowing full well you can't answer because your eyes have already rolled back mid-stroke and you're babbling incoherently. It does, however, put a smug ass smirk on his face.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a/n pt2 bc i can't shut up: i hope u like it!!! i wasn't in the mood to write anything smutty but idk im in my soft era for jason i just want his stoic self to love me :(((((

[alackofghosts]

got two lil bits of memery for you today ehehe. i'm tagging @callsignnightshrike, @azemessence, @jul-likes-magpies, @fourteenthz, @all-of-humankind - no pressure of course, and feel free to snag one or both memes!

first off tagged by @oneiroy, thank you <3 :3

Last Song Listened To: doctor blind by emily haines & the soft skeleton. recently remembered this song from My Youth and now youtube likes to sprinkle it in sometimes on autoplay lol

Currently Watching: recently graduated from obsessively watching sunrise/sunset times, currently obsessively watching the local weather site for spring weather updates. tv shows, never heard of 'em

Sweet/Savory/Spicy?: i tend to actively crave savoury things more often, but i'm waaaay less picky about sweets (if it's sweet i'll probably eat it, it is as shrimple as that)

Relationship Status: 2 aromantic 4 this

Current Obsession: like two weeks ago it would still have been fallout 4, but i have returned to being able to do and think about other things since then. i don't have anything that's of the making me chew on the bars of the cage right now levels of obsession, but you know, having fun noodling about in ffxiv now that i have escaped todd howard, making little plans for what to get done before dawntrail and drawing my lil pictures

and also the 5 songs i'm into meme, tagged by @crackinthecup <3 sticking it under the cut for length!

...narrowing down the criteria for this was a challenge and a half, but i'm playing this on hardcore mode and leaving out 1) oc/character/ship songs 2) all time faves that i love but i'm not super actively listening to right now, i've only got 5 songs after all, gotta make 'em count!!

1) stoppa mig juni (lilla ego) by kent - tbh still kinda reeling from the revelation that kent... good??!! when ingenting made me want to set the radio on fire as a 12 year old. anyway, this whole meme could be populated by kent alone, i've been listening to them so much

2) it will all make sense in the morning by halou - i adore the atmosphere in this song so much, one of those 'i wanna apply this to something but i don't know what' tunes

3) a masters in reverse psychology by murder by death - ...if i pulled up a random song from this album to put on this list. well. i'm SO obsessed with the whole album, not a single bad song on it and i love listening to it from start to finish all the time

4) children of the sun by poets of the fall - the absolute fight for my life against rule nr 1 when it comes to potf... and even so, the line is very blurry with this one BUT i just love this song, it's so gentle

5) isa tuli koju by metro luminal - the obligatory estonian entry and i'm trying to be slightly less predictable by not listing terminaator for a change. it's a bit of a meme with my family, but i can't deny that this song nevertheless fucks, i love the dark lyrics

[ourladyofomega]

Great news for most of you: @rivetgoth has summoned me to choose ten of my favorite listens of September ‘23. Expanding the time span to thirty days meant holding out until the end of the month just to be sure. Picking out only ten was easy to do, and whether you like me or not, you’re gonna’ have to deal with it.

Your winners are:

#1: Replacements, The: "Unsatisfied" #2: Cult, The: "Rain" #3: Chemical Brothers: "No Reason"

This group of three is what happens when you’re following a mutual who’s super-obsessed about music. @tewz is an open book with plenty of audio and music video posts for the taking, plus a couple of Spotify playlists to rifle through. (Stay for the cat videos, too.) She’s my go-to and because of her, I had easy assembly of one of my recent radio broadcasts.

A fellow dee-jay asked me to fill-in for him not long ago. Now I had a double-broadcast (four hours) to set up. I had enough reserves from her to pull it off, so The Replacements’ “Unsatisfied” and The Cult “Rain” made the cut. Chemical Brothers: "No Reason" reminded me why they retained a feverish fan base to begin with, going all the way back to their “Setting Sun” days. Dare I say it reminded me of Daft Punk? Really, I thank her for everything music-wise she’s given me, ever.

#4: Crime Of Passing: "Off My Shoulder"

I love everything about this track. Unmistakably reminds me of Diat and the rest of the record follows with goth rock, post-punk / d.i.y, and coldwave. As a whole, Crime Of Passing displays a great style, aesthetic, seriousness, and urgency; all coming together and consistent as a gloomy yet smoking-hot nine-track album.

#5: Yfory: "Chwaer Pwy?" #6: M(h)aol: “Therapy” #7: Es: "Emergency"

I did an all post-punk / d.i.y. broadcast last month. One portion of the show had me group together female-fronted bands from Europe. That block started with Germany’s Maraudeur, continued on with Scotland’s Breakfast Muff, and then these three. Anyone paying attention knows that Europe (and especially the UK) is giving every other city scene a run for their money.

Also from Germany, Yfory struck me with their album cover (If anyone can identify that typeset, do let me know), their fluid Welsh lyrics which is new to me, and their great craftsmanship; hence "Chwaer Pwy?". I went with “Therapy” from feminist band M(h)aol because it sounds so rough. It’s the Irish equivalent of Guerilla Toss’ “Eraser Stargazer Forever” which sweeps the floor of everything. (If you really want to set yourself on fire, listen to “Period Sex”. Wow.) And, I got excited for new sounds from England’s Es. I played their opener “Emergency” at least 20 times and I still haven’t figured them out. That’s a good thing. Fortunately, the hopeful sounds of “Emergency” follows towards Less Of Everything and far away from Object Relations, and that’s from Flora Watters on keyboards, who is that special ingredient that makes Es. Their uniqueness pushes them near the very top of post-punk / d.i.y.

#8: Mamalarky: “Green Earth”

No way! What is this?! As if Palm’s Dog Milk and Mr. Elevator got a room, fucked, and made this. And I don’t know why I’m also equating Todd Rungren’s “Hello It’s Me”, maybe Peter Max, and other late-Sixties / early-Seventies standards in the mix, but this sounds amazing. It has that lo-fi, drowsy, malfunctioning feel with a wondrous charm to it. It’s really beautiful.

Now get this: “Green Earth” is on the environmentally- conscious The Eleventh Hour: Songs for Climate Justice compilation (and later Pocket Fantasy: B-Sides), and then you can clearly hear vocalist Livvy Bennett breathe in and inhale before singing each verse. Get it? Any song that can transport you to a new, undiscovered world is a unanimous winner in my book.

#9: Blonde Redhead: “Melody Experiment” #10: Tan Cologne: "Visitation"

To describe these in one word: inexplicable. They can be a soundtrack to a future world that could very well be possible, but in the same measure possibly not. These would fit right in with the annual ‘second chance’ broadcasts I do to end the year. ‘Second chance’, meaning, songs I enjoy but simply don’t fit into a specific category, so they have one all of their own. Think Erasers’ “Easy To See”, Mega Bog’s “Maybe You Died”, New Chance’s “Real Time”, Lily’s “New Fries”, and Il Quadro Di Trosi’s “Sfere Di Qi”.

“Melody Experiment” from Blonde Redhead sounds unreal to me. I still don’t believe it even exists. If it does, it’s the definition of ‘slick’. Sonically, it has wavelengths of “Corrections” from Phil Western and a breath similar to Pixel Grip’s Rita Lukea. Don’t ask me why I came up with that. To each, everyone’s own. Tan Cologne’s new single had to be influenced by Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazelwood “Sand“; the all-encompassing heat during the pending sundown on a blazing-hot Summer day. These final two picks I’ve already heard at least thirty times, and I plan on hearing them thirty more.

Good news: I tag no one. As always, play at your own risk.

[omegaplus]

# 4,481

Top 10 Of September 2023.

Great news for most of you: @rivetgoth has summoned me to choose ten of my favorite listens of September ‘23. Expanding the time span to thirty days meant holding out until the end of the month just to be sure. Picking out only ten was easy to do, and whether you like me or not, you’re gonna’ have to deal with it.

Your winners are:

#1: Replacements, The: "Unsatisfied"

#2: Cult, The: "Rain"

#3: Chemical Brothers: "No Reason"

This group of three is what happens when you’re following a mutual who’s super-obsessed about music. @tewz is an open book with plenty of audio and music video posts for the taking, plus a couple of Spotify playlists to rifle through. (Stay for the cat videos, too.) She’s my go-to and because of her, I had easy assembly of one of my recent radio broadcasts.

A fellow dee-jay asked me to fill-in for him not long ago. Now I had a double-broadcast (four hours) to set up. I had enough reserves from her to pull it off, so The Replacements’ “Unsatisfied” and The Cult “Rain” made the cut. Chemical Brothers: "No Reason" reminded me why they retained a feverish fan base to begin with, going all the way back to their “Setting Sun” days. Dare I say it reminded me of Daft Punk? Really, I thank her for everything music-wise she’s given me, ever.

#4: Crime Of Passing: "Off My Shoulder"

I love everything about this track. Unmistakably reminds me of Diat and the rest of the record follows with goth rock, post-punk / d.i.y, and coldwave. As a whole, Crime Of Passing displays a great style, aesthetic, seriousness, and urgency; all coming together and consistent as a gloomy yet smoking-hot nine-track album.

#5: Yfory: "Chwaer Pwy?"

#6: M(h)aol: “Therapy”

#7: Es: "Emergency"

I did an all post-punk / d.i.y. broadcast last month. One portion of the show had me group together female-fronted bands from Europe. That block started with Germany’s Maraudeur, continued on with Scotland’s Breakfast Muff, and then these three. Anyone paying attention knows that Europe (and especially the UK) is giving every other city scene a run for their money.

Also from Germany, Yfory struck me with their album cover (If anyone can identify that typeset, do let me know), their fluid Welsh lyrics which is new to me, and their great craftsmanship; hence "Chwaer Pwy?". I went with “Therapy” from feminist band M(h)aol because it sounds so rough. It’s the Irish equivalent of Guerilla Toss’ “Eraser Stargazer Forever” which sweeps the floor of everything. (If you really want to set yourself on fire, listen to “Period Sex”. Wow.) And, I got excited for new sounds from England’s Es. I played their opener “Emergency” at least 20 times and I still haven’t figured them out. That’s a good thing. Fortunately, the hopeful sounds of “Emergency” follows towards Less Of Everything and far away from Object Relations, and that’s from Flora Watters on keyboards, who is that special ingredient that makes Es. Their uniqueness pushes them near the very top of post-punk / d.i.y.

#8: Mamalarky: “Green Earth”

No way! What is this?! As if Palm’s Dog Milk and Mr. Elevator got a room, fucked, and made this. And I don’t know why I’m also equating Todd Rungren’s “Hello It’s Me”, maybe Peter Max, and other late-Sixties / early-Seventies standards in the mix, but this sounds amazing. It has that lo-fi, drowsy, malfunctioning feel with a wondrous charm to it. It’s really beautiful.

Now get this: “Green Earth” is on the environmentally- conscious The Eleventh Hour: Songs for Climate Justice compilation (and later Pocket Fantasy: B-Sides), and then you can clearly hear vocalist Livvy Bennett breathe in and inhale before singing each verse. Get it? Any song that can transport you to a new, undiscovered world is a unanimous winner in my book.

#9: Blonde Redhead: “Melody Experiment”

#10: Tan Cologne: "Visitation"

To describe these in one word: inexplicable. They can be a soundtrack to a future world that could very well be possible, but in the same measure possibly not. These would fit right in with the annual ‘second chance’ broadcasts I do to end the year. ‘Second chance’, meaning, songs I enjoy but simply don’t fit into a specific category, so they have one all of their own. Think Erasers’ “Easy To See”, Mega Bog’s “Maybe You Died”, New Chance’s “Real Time”, Lily’s “New Fries”, and Il Quadro Di Trosi’s “Sfere Di Qi”.

“Melody Experiment” from Blonde Redhead sounds unreal to me. I still don’t believe it even exists. If it does, it’s the definition of ‘slick’. Sonically, it has wavelengths of “Corrections” from Phil Western and a breath similar to Pixel Grip’s Rita Lukea. Don’t ask me why I came up with that. To each, everyone’s own. Tan Cologne’s new single had to be influenced by Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazelwood “Sand“; the all-encompassing heat during the pending sundown on a blazing-hot Summer day. These final two picks I’ve already heard at least thirty times, and I plan on hearing them thirty more.

Good news: I tag no one. As always, play at your own risk.

[numetaljackdog]

what i'm listening to 3/5/2023 (song notes under cut)

spot. link//yt link

Laura Les - Haunted: haunted. by laura les.

Foo Fighters - Everlong: links to this post. this is one of the greatest songs in the history of popular music, i believe that genuinely. this song is reaching out and grabbing a loved one and pulling them close and saying "i know it all hurts a lot and this life is cruel to us and it will keep being cruel to us but i'm here with you. i'm here with you and we can live in this moment for as long as possible and it makes it all feel worth it. i would go through every minute of hurt, past and future, another thousand times over if it meant i got to share this moment here with you for just a little longer." anyway i'm normal

100 gecs - Hollywood Baby: did you guys see that laura is wearing a limp bizkit shirt in the music video. crazy stuff. i'm holding off on posting my march album ranking just so the new album can come out and i can put it on there i love this shit

Little Richard - Long Tall Sally (The Thing): if it strikes you, i would really recommend checking out the video for this one that i've put in the youtube version, it's a live performance from 1955 and he's just absolutely electric, it's tons of fun

Paramore - Running Out Of Time: the new album is really good and i'm shocked they were able to bear holding onto this single until the full record came out because this one is golden. hayley williams late queen 2023

Crush 40 - I Am... All Of Me: I LOVE YOU SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG!!!!!!!!!!

Butthole Surfers - Pepper: this song is basically if "loser" by beck was evil and fucked up, although these guys were doing weird shit way before beck. i was going back and watching some old one hit wonderland episodes and the one about this band came on and i was very intrigued, i'd like to hear some more of their stuff. i've noticed something about myself, which is that a todd in the shadows video is perhaps the single quickest way to trick me into engaging level 11 autism mode about any given band/artist/genre/whatever. guess i'm just lucky like that

Robert Johnson - Love In Vain: king of the delta blues babey. the melody and playing technique on this is nuts with a capital nuts. no wonder he was one of the many blues pioneers that the british invasion bands knocked off stole from admired greatly. i don't really have that much to say about these old blues tunes it's just Good Music

Twisted Sister - I Wanna Rock: twisted sister is so fucking goofy and awesome i love it. shoutout dee snider for being one of the coolest motherfuckers of the entire 80s. i listened to this whole album because as i mentioned i've been fucking w the hair metal and it's honestly a really solid record, surprisingly legit in a lot of respects. this is one of the silly pop singles, of course, but damn is it charming and just fun

Green Day - Longview: literally just a song about jerking off bc you're bored. heard it on the radio and said "oh i haven't thought about this song in years" and it proceeded to be stuck in my head for weeks. i grew up on green day so i definitely feel soft for them anyway but man why this song lmao

Paramore - Crave: one of my favorite album tracks. the mix is a little rough here (arguably that's true for a good portion of the record) but the lyrics really hit me big time. like yeah! i AM constantly pining for what once was! even when it was shit! what the hell! so real basically

Parkway Drive - Boneyards: every once in a while i have a moment that's like ohhh yeah... THAT'S why i loved metalcore so much for so many years. and this song gives me one of those moments every time i hear it because that breakdown is IN. SANE. greatest of all time possibly. in fact this whole album is such a landmark for this era of core it's crazy. shoutout parkway drive i hope they make good music again someday

Elliott Smith - Figure 8: first time hearing this song i just about fell out of my chair. the performing talent to take an innocent little educational song for kids and make it just absolutely and totally different in its meaning without changing a single word is staggering. i've always been fascinated by the idea of taking a song meant for kids (or just any song that has that sort of shallow quality to it, which kids' music often possesses in order to make it easy for them to enjoy) and recontextualizing it to actually have countless hidden layers of depth, and elliott smith did that flawlessly. fucking wild. i know some of his music but i need to listen to more

Weird Al Yankovic - Hardware Store: this is just one of those songs that crops up every once in a while to say "hey, remember me?" that video going around with all the cats definitely helped too lol. weird al was probably the first musical artist i could have ever been described as a "fan" of, and i'm continuously surprised by how much of his work holds up and remains just really good and honestly funny. goat

Lynyrd Skynyrd - Simple Man: good song but i'll be honest i mostly included just because i thought this story was kind of funny: i discovered this song by hearing the shinedown cover of it and, without knowing beforehand that it was a cover, immediately having the thought "this is a really great tune..... too great even. let's see who actually sang this originally." no real hate to shinedown they had some decent stuff but this would have definitely been above their level at any point in their career

The Beatles - Maxwell's Silver Hammer: whatever. fuck you. it's catchy and silly

Bill Withers - Lovely Day: i love bill withers but i'll warn anyone who intends to listen - this song is really quite annoying and repetitive. however it also has one of the most loaded hooks i've ever heard, the type that really just drills down deep into your brain. other than that it's just good vibes

Carpenters - All You Get From Love Is A Love Song: i've decided that i love this album actually and also karen carpenter's voice. this song in particular is just a nice little pop song but they really bring everything they've got to it, it's wonderful

Jamiroquai - Virtual Insanity: brought on mostly by paper-mario-wiki posting the video on here. you guys know me, i can't resist weird lyrics about the dangers of a digital future over a funky beat

[marmorada]

So, this needs backstory I think, because it might seem like a weird overreaction if you don't know my existing obsessions lol.

When I was in high school, my OCD came into the forefront and made me totally nonfunctional. I'm talking couldn't leave my room or eat food or anything, and despite intensive therapy the miasma clung to me very hard. Despite having the strategies I needed I couldn't pull myself out of the mentality. At this point I had been out of school for months and had had to drop my AP classes, so I landed in Film once I got back. Our first assigned film ended up being I'm Not There by Todd Haynes, a surrealist quasi-biopic about Bob Dylan. It felt like a wakeup call. For the first time I realized what art could mean and do. Not just that, but it was mine. This was the kind of art I was born to do. It ended up being such a powerful distraction that I couldn't spend my energy on compulsions anymore.

Before this I was a very rigid, structured and humorless person. I avoided anything that made me feel weird or uncomfortable and conducted myself rigidly because I'd always had anxiety and didn't want anything rocking the boat. I've always been an artist, but hyperrealism was the limit of my ambition back then. I didn't think I should go to art school. I became a completely different person after this. I pored over Tarantula and The Secret Life of Salvador Dalí. I started meditating to try and access the kind of inspiration the great Surrealist masters reported. I listened to Dylan and other songwriters for hours, as if I could peel back the membrane and learn what made them tick. I actually joined tumblr originally for rare Dylan photos lmao. I realized to be a real artist I needed to stop the agoraphobia and collect real experiences. I was never a "summer of love" person but I got very interested in 'the scene' otherwise. If it was weird, I wanted it. I also became obsessed with horror precisely because I couldn't withstand it. I started testing my limits with all the horror movies I could find, and eventually it crystallized into an interest in horror that focused on the nature of inhumanity (this is important).

So of course both artistically and out of leisure I'm all very bound up in Rock n Roll. I've seen Bob Dylan live twice, I have a vinyl collection including Rolling Stones bootlegs, a Jefferson Airplane first pressing (Surrealistic Pillow), tons of Lou Reed...

It was a great several years. Of course, things have changed since I got my art degree. My mother got cancer, and I never really recovered. Where my first OCD obsession was about my own mortality, up close and personal knowledge of hers was devastating. I've been depressed and have pushed deep art away since 2014. It got worse when she was killed 4 years ago. I've been passively searching for something that fulfills my interests but it always feels like things miss the mark.

For whatever reason, Youtube has been showing me recommendations for videos with views under a thousand. And so the other day, this was what it showed me:

Now, I am still rigid in some ways. Everything has to be perfect for me to experience a new piece of art the first time. (I refuse to relegate this to streaming and must instead buy a blu ray and get a player of course, in the same way I don't listen to classic rock albums until I have a really old vinyl record...) And things are different this time. I don't have my whole future in front of me, and I'm stuck in a difficult living situation. I am in the middle of a row with my father who I really can't escape from in this tiny little house. Something is wrong with my hands neurologically that won't be tested properly until December, so I can't draw or sculpt about it. So it feels like it's not the right time to dive in. I've been watching the video on loop for days. Of course I am deathly fucking afraid it won't live up to the hype I've created...

So, when a movie that's a horror rock opera tragedy about the corruption of art, with a protagonist losing his humanity, with the best visual style I have ever seen comes by? And it's directed by the guy that fucking filmed Carrie? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Look, there are rock operas and horror films and good visuals. But altogether? And with a VERY strong emphasis on visual design (this being distinct from cinematographic aesthetic) coming together in one of the coolest costumes possible, something I am sure was rearranged for each shot to ensure precise composition between the mask and his eyes? They even change the makeup between shots for proper emphasis without regard towards continuity. And I'm convinced there are two masks with slightly different contours... The fact that it juxtaposes tragedy with glam rock ridiculousness, that they're willing to do with something as weird as metal teeth and a flamboyant singer named BEEF-- Everything about this movie is (apparently) done completely at the whims of De Palma here. It's art in its pure form, fully supported and realized.

The movie, naturally, was a total box office failure. But I don't think anybody making it cared. What studio greenlights gothic Faustian fiction crossed with glam debauchery????

I mean, the whole story of this movie is that this guy is so dedicated to his artistic vision that he is clawing through death. A lot of the time, art about art feels like masturbatory kitsch garbage to me, but not here. William Finley's passion here is so arresting. Other people might attribute these unbridled shows of emotion to scenery chewing, but to me it's sincerity.

It's like part of me is back and insisting I don't let go. I have to find a way to be who I was supposed to be.

Maybe, when I finish my professional certs and finally get a job that combines my graphic design degree and new technical skills and get away from my father, I can. I will probably never become a filmmaker, which, underneath the fine art and writing I've always held close, I have secretly considered the epitome of art. But I can try.

There needs to be a word for when you're so overpowered by an artistic work that you can't do anything else for days and days

[httpknjoon]

friends with history | ksj; 1

plot | You and Jin broke up. It’s a mutual decision. Another decision you shared was to stay friends, considering you two are in a single friend group. It’s easy, you thought. Both of you just have to act like you did not have a seven-year relationship while you hang out with your other friends every Saturday with your new dates.

words | 3,040

genres | tiny fluff, angst,  exes!au

pairing | seokjin x reader

warnings |  cursing, breakup effects (like almost every messy part of it), unhealthy living

note | back again with another exes au lol this is the first one out of five chapters. let me know your thoughts! enjoy reading!

songs | death by a thousand cuts - taylor swift, can we still be friends - todd rundgren, afterglow - taylor swift,  paper rings - taylor swift, cornelia street - taylor swift, (just play the whole lover album at this point lol)

main masterlist  | preview  | series masterlist

"So, this is all of it?"

With a medium-sized box in between, the two of you stood in front of one another.  You, on the other hand, tried not to cry as you looked down and played with the hem of the oversized, brown sweatshirt you were wearing. You still managed to give him a small nod. But you just don’t have the power to look at him.

"Will... will you be fine?"  Jin asked, voice shaking.

He wants to touch your fragile form. But he's scared that he is going to break too. Moving his stare away from your sad state, Jin looks at the box. It was full of the things that he left in your apartment. It seems some of it is not still there. He can see the dusty stuffed toys, his very old earphones that he thought he lost a year ago, his rarely used ukelele, and other random objects. But he can say that something is missing.

“Yeah...” you sobbed.

When he finally had the strength to look at you again, Jin realized what is lost in the box. His clothes. He often (by often, he basically lived here before things got messy) stays here in your place. So he has like a couple of clothes laying somewhere in your laundry or bedroom. You were even wearing his sweatshirt right now. He knew that it’s already a habit of yours.

“Jin.” you finally looked up to him, eyes bloodshot while your nose sniffed. “We’re still going to be friends, right?”

He swore he heard his own heartbreaking into pieces when you asked that. It reminds him of the very same fear he had before confessing to you seven years ago. He knew you also have the same fear. Losing your friendship if anything like this happens. It was the same old cliche that every friend before lovers tropes had.  The big reason why it took many years before the two of you admit your feelings for each other.

"Of course. We were friends before any of this."

As soon as he said that, he can see you pouting while looking at him. Tears began streaming down your soft cheeks again. Jin sighed, finally giving up. He pulled you in his arms, moved the box away, and just rested his head on yours. He can feel the chest area of the white shirt he’s wearing all dampened by your tears. He was crying too. You can hear him even though you know that he’s stopping himself. You felt safer in his arms. The familiar scent of his perfume and clothes’ fabric conditioner feels like home to you. It has the comfort that you can only find with certain people. Specifically, Jin.

“I... I should go,” he whispered in the softest way he could.

You nodded as you slowly drifted away from his touch. You see him looking away as he wiped his tears. You two stood in silence after that. He was still looking away while you stared at the box that was pushed to the side of your door frame. You know something’s absent. It’s the fucking clothes, you thought. It’s somewhere mixed in your laundry. There’s a part of you, secretly hoping that these will be a reason for him to meet you again in the future. Because there is no lie when you say that you’re scared of not seeing him again after this. Although you were friends before. That tiny shreds of fear are still lingering in your soul.

“I guess I’ll go,” Jin repeated in a more awkward tone.

He picked up the box from the ground and muttered a small bye. He did not wait for you to answer when he chose to finally walk back to his car. Jin knows that you’re still watching him from your front door and he also knows that if he hears or sees you in that sorrowful look again, he will just give up. He will probably just carry you back to your bedroom, just cuddle with you and say sorry for making you cry for almost a week now.

“See you when I see you,” you spoke out weakly.

Although it’s almost out of earshot, he still heard it when he got in the driver’s seat. He nodded and forced a smile. He took a glimpse at you one last time before driving away with a tight grip on his steering wheel.

You watched him drive away and away until you did not spot even the tiny silhouette of his vehicle down the road. With the strength left in your body, you closed your door. But immediately fell on your knees behind the door, just cried your heart out with everything that happened this week.

Days passed by quickly. But time felt slow at the same time. Weird, you thought. But that’s how you felt with everything this past few days. You drowned yourself with loads of work. Your boss was amazed by how early you submitted the present lately. 

“Wow! Another early submission, Y/N. You are almost one week ahead of my said deadline. I swear you are one of the running candidates for this month’s Employee of the month. Keep up the good work!” She even told you once. 

You thanked her and smiled as you left her big office. She thought that you’re improving. But honestly, you were just wearing yourself out. So you won’t have any empty time to feel alone in your house. 

Still, you think it’s fortunate that your friends haven’t planned any night out or bonding yet since it’s been a month since you last met them. Although, all of you try to talk through text whenever you guys can. And you were still in a relationship status the last time you had fun with them. Speaking of your relationship, they are still unaware of what happened between you and Jin. You doubt that Jin would tell them. You’re scared to tell them. You don’t how would they react, knowing that they all expect you two as the endgame for each other.

“Hey, Y/N.”

A light knock on your cubicle wall snapped you out of your mind. That’s why you hated having free time, you will end up thinking about the same topic. You looked up to see who called you. It was your co-worker, Hailey, who stays in the cubicle next to yours. She peeked her head above the low, royal blue wall.

“Hey,” you spoke softly. “What’s up?”

“I’m going home. It’s getting pretty late. How about you?” she asked.

You scrunched your eyebrows together as you looked at the small digital clock you have beside your desktop. It’s already ten minutes past nine. You haven’t noticed that you are already free to leave almost an hour ago.

“Yeah, I’m free to go now.” you faked a smile as you picked up your things.

After your desktop screen turns black, you stood up and left the cubicle. You waved goodbye to your few colleagues left in your department. Hailey clicked the button for both of you in the elevator. You two have been working together for almost three years now. But only got closer when you began working overtime. She takes the train the same as yours. Getting closed with her, you learned that she only lived closely from yours.

“Everyone in the department thinks you’ll be promoted any time soon.” Hailey gossiped as she looks at you with a happy expression.

“Really? Why so?” you yawned after asking her.

“It was a literal hell week for the whole department since Nina had been showing off to the superiors.” you see Hailey rolling her eyes as she mentioned your boss’s name. “And you’re the only one who’s been passing her requests of reports early. As of now, you are the saving grace of everyone. We all feel like just one wrong move with Nina, she will just burst out because of the pressure the superiors gave her.”

You shook your head as you laughed, “Saving grace? Shut up.”

“Just know that we were relieved when we saw Nina smiling while leaving for her lunch break, after talking to you,” she stated.

“Your welcome, I guess?” you giggled, already weary.

You were so closed on leaning your body on the elevator wall when the door opened, indicating that you two are already in the lobby. The subway was only a five-minute walk from the company building. Fifteen minutes later, you’re waving goodbye to Hailey since you passed by her apartment first. You felt your phone vibrate in your coat’s pocket. But you just decided to check on it when you get home.

As you lazily slipped off your three-inch work shoes, you watched messages flood on your phone screen. Everyone’s been talking in your group chat again. You thought they were just talking about their days or some drama in their workplaces, which are the usual themes.

Dinner at Younhee and Hiro’s house. Tomorrow. 7PM.

You paused from walking to your messy bedroom when you read the chat. Five out of seven members of your friend group already agreed and shared their excitement to see each other again after a month. This kind of short notice invite is nothing new to you and your friends. Before, you will automatically say yes, which already translates to Jin agreeing. But now, with a big change that happened, you don’t know what to do. You saw Jin had seen the messages but remained wordless like you too. Both of you were quiet in the group chat and someone immediately noticed it.

From Kaori <33

To your group

How about you guys? Y/N and Jin???

What to say? What to say? 

The question is repeated over and over in your head. You see Kaori, the youngest, mentions you and Jin. She asked if you’re coming (which definitely meant for you and Jin together). You thought of just ignoring the chat and going straight to your untidy bed. Maybe just sleep it away. But your eyes widened when a message popped again.

From Jin

To your group

Of course. We’ll go, Kao :)

4:58 AM

Fuck. You sighed loudly. Staring at your plain, dark ceiling, you don’t know what to do after that message from almost eight hours ago. Yeah, you had a five-hour sleep moments ago but woke up due to the heat of having pillows and blankets over you. It’s your sad cure of missing something someone wrapped around you. But since you only noticed your air conditioner is broken, you woke up all sticky and sweaty while still in your white blouse and pencil skirt, which are very uncomfortable to sleep in by the way.

What a mess.

You told yourself, rolling to the other side of your bed. Clothes on your makeup table, door handle, and floor. They are everywhere. It looks like someone got in your room and rummaged through all of your belongings. But when in reality, you are just being careless for the whole month. 

The break-up was obviously overwhelming to you. You thought it was an exaggeration when you watched movies or series with a heartbroken character and a very not clean room. But you kind of understood them now. Although you and Jin never really officially moved in together, he basically lived in your house as long as you did. 

When he moved out with all of his things, you felt like the house is bigger than you usually see it. Your bed became larger because of the empty space beside you. You noticed how spacey your bathroom was. In contrast, it also felt smaller back when Jin teases you in the morning while you brush your teeth.

“Jin, please...” 

You can’t help but to close your eyes as Jin peppers you kisses from your neck down to your damp shoulder.

“A few minutes late won’t hurt.” he whispered too close to your ear that it tickles you.

“It will. I still haven’t finish something... something in my computer.” 

Jin distracts you from explaining when he pulled your towel-clad body closer to him. He rested his chin on your shoulder, not minding your dripping wet hair. You continued brushing your teeth, meeting his gaze in the mirror. You don’t know if the pout he have on his face was intentional or out of habit because it really helps him to win you over your increasing workload. Even when you’re done, you two remained stood in front of the mirror. You like the strong smell of his shampoo close to you. While he love your vanilla scented body soap on your skin. It’s a simple scene that defines comfort for both of you.

“You are like a koala bear, hanging on to me.” you quipped, making the two of you giggle.

“Yeah, I’m your koala bear who’s asking you to stay even for a few minutes.” he responded with a teasing smile.

“Well, Mr. Koala. Don’t you have work to do yourself?” you asked, turning your head to him. You study his features: his long lashes, almost clear skin, and soft pink lips.

He also turned to you, softly bumping your noses with how close you are. Instead of him answering, you two quietly got lost in each other. Once again, letting silence take over everything around you. It’s crazy how every time you land your eyes on him, you still get that same butterflies in your stomach when you first knew that you love him. Seven years into the relationship, ten years of knowing each other. 

“I love you.” you whispered before leaning in.

It hurts to think about those kinds of moments you had with him. Instead of making you giggle like a kid, these memories squeezes your heart to the finest. It’s draining every tears you have in you. You thought you had everything planned out. But due to this sudden breakup, you felt like an empty planner all over again.

Plus the fact that you haven’t told anyone about it kills you. You don’t have the heart to face anyone who knows you and Jin and tell them that you two broke up, knowing how they will react. Your dad loves him like his own son. Jin have his own set of Tupperware when your mother brings food for you. Your little sister literally looked up to him as his older brother since she grew up with him around. With this, you wondered if he already told his family about you two. It was obvious that your friends are clueless. Knowing Jin, he sucks at confrontations and confessions. You have been a witness (and victim) of it for years now.

“Oh, fuck.” you whispered to yourself when you heard the ringing beside you.

It was your alarm clock set in your phone. You did not notice yourself drifting away to slumber hours ago. You got up from your bed with slump shoulders to your bathroom. Twenty minutes later, you’re staring all over your room again while water drips down your hair.

“I really need to clean up.”

Maybe tomorrow, you thought again. It’s your day off tomorrow so you have the time to finally do what you need to do in your house. You’ve been avoiding staying in your OWN house for the whole month that you avoided any home chores too. Your mother will be disappointed if she sees your state now. You rolled your eyes with the image of her standing in your door, just looking around your mess.

As soon as you got in your work clothes, you chose to grab a banana on your kitchen counter as your breakfast. Although your not still late, you just want to leave your house again. You also drop by coffee shop to order your usual to-go hot coffee. While walking out the said shop, you heard someone not too far behind you.

“Y/N?”

You stopped as soon as you heard it. It took you less than a second to recognize the voice. You closed your eyes as you bit your inner cheek before slowly turning around. Your heart speeding up its beats.

“Jin.” you said.

Your tone fell flat and emotionless. You can’t even smile. Even a fake one. Why bother? You knew he will identify it anyway. Well, you originally wanted to smile, to maybe show him that you’re doing well even as a facade. But when you saw him looking good, still handsome as ever, you just wanted to stray away. It looks like it’s obvious who’s taking the breakup really hard right now. Your dark circles and puffy eyes, that you spotted in the mirror earlier, are the proof by the way.

You can see his eyes studying your state before speaking, “How... How are you?”

“Off to work.” you were quick to answer although that did not even answered his question. You can’t stand lying, especially to him. So, you decided to just ignore that question.

“Oh, I have my car with me. Maybe I can drive you—”

“No, no. It’s fine. The subway is somewhere there.” you pointed behind you as you spoke hastily.

He sighed before moving his finger to his left side, “The subway’s here, Y/N.”

Your eyes followed his index finger. And of course, he’s right. You were too lost mentally to locate your own body right now. You just let out a breathy, awkward laugh.

“Ah, yes. I almost got lost. Thanks. Bye.”

You were obviously itching to leave and immediately turned your back at him to go to the subway. But Jin said something that made you pause.

“I actually want to talk about the dinner later.”

Well, shit. That dinner kind of slipped off your head when you woke up today. You forgot about the whole thing and the possible breakup thing announcement, if that’s a thing. So, you just sighed before turning to him once again.

“How about after work? Let’s talk before going there?” you came up with a rushed idea.

“I’ll pick you up at work?” he asked, sounding a bit hopeful or maybe you just thought.

“Yeah, sure” you nodded before turning your back again, walking to your destination.

“Okay, okay. See you later, Y/N!”

You took one last peek at him, “Yeah, see you later.”

God, how can he still look that good after a breakup?

PERMANENT TAGLIST

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TAGLIST

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[popculturebuffet]

Scottrospective: Scott Pilgrim Vs the Universe or So Sad So Very Very Sad

Hello all you happy Scottaholics! And welcome back to Scottrospective, my 8 part look at Scott Pilgrim: all 6 volumes of the comic as well as the game and movie just in time for their respective 10th Anniversaries. If your just joining us or needa  quick refresher, here are links to the other four parts, in order: Precious Little Life, Vs The World (Comic), Infinite Sadness, and last month’s look at my favorite volume Gets It Together. And if that’s not enough to fill your belly with Scotty Goodness, hop over to my patreon, patreon.com/popculturebuffet.  There you’ll find reviews of all the content I didn’t have time for in the retrospective proper: Free Scott Pilgrim, The Wonderful World of Kim Pine, Monica Beetle, Style, and the bonus comic strips. It’s only a dollar to get access to the bonus reviews, and every bit you can give not only helps me make these reviews int he first place, but gets me closer to my stretch goals, the 25 and 30 dollar ones including looks at O’Malley’s Other Works: Lost At Sea and Seconds for the former and Snotgirl for the latter. 

But more than plugging my past and paid works, there’s something else far more important I need to get to before I get into this one: Thank You. No Seriously thank all of you who have been reading these, liking them. My Precious Little Life Review is easily one of the most liked things i’ve ever had on this blog, getting more viewers every day, and last month’s look at Gets it Together is STILL racking up likes. Given most of my non-duck reviews, paid for and on my own time, tend to be ignored half the time, this just warms my heart. It shows me two great things: that even after a decade Scott Pilgrim still has a huge following and given how young this platform tends to skew that it’s gaining more fans every day, and that people care about what I have to say about htis wonderful comic. It really touches me to both know my voice matters and that something I truly loved as a teen and still do now is STILL picking up more and more fans. What i’m saying is you guys are the best and I wouldn’t be doing these reviews without your support of my very hard work. These are some of the hardest reviews i’ve done at times, but seeing you all enjoy them makes it all worth it. 

As for the Volume itself there’s something I just gotta get off my chest right away: I HATED this volume when it came out. To understand why you have to consider my mental state: I was a teenager at the time, in my junior year of high school. Scott Pilgrim was my goddamn world: while I was picking up comics monthly at the time this was honestly the first north american comic I loved and obessed over and Scott and friends were like family to me. To an awkward teen who couldn’t talk to girls, struggled to keep the video game club a friend founded together in a way that in hindsight was wholly unecessary, and getting messed with due to my anger issues by friend, foe and frenemy alike, Scott was my port in the storm. A sunny version of Tornoto where I could retreat to to feel at peace.

So yeah this shattered the fuck out of that peace and was essentially one long slow motion kick to the balls to a younger me: Hollie gets derailed and horribly betrays Kim, runing my faviorite characters life and leading to her LEAVING, Scott and Ramona’s relationship crumbles, the band breaks up , and the volume ends with Gideon still gunning for our hero because life hadn’t punched him in the face enough for one month. I was livid, not stopping the series, obviously, but upset that everything i’d grown to care about was basically gone in a flash and couldn’t understand WHY O’Malley would fucking do this to me. This volume was also what kept me from re-reading the books for as long as I did as while the rest had fond memories all the ones I had of this one were pure misery.

But by the time i re-read it in december of last year I had two important things in my hands that helped me truly enjoy this one: The first was Volume 6 itself: knowing things would work out, that most of the bad stuff would be undone and in a truly awesome and satisfying way helped.

The other thing was the perspective that came with growing older: For one as an adult while I still like Scott as a character and find him intresting I no longer look up to him, nor put stock in his hapiness for his own. Sure I still care about characters and relate to some, but Bojack Horseman taught me the hard way you CAN’T put all your hopes in a character’s fate or them getting better for you to get better. 

The other is that while this volume again is pretty bleak after a while.. it’s also NECESSARY. Part of the series charm is i’ts realisim and a sad part of real life is people can drift apart from you, and things can change seemingly all at once. And things moving the way they do is necessary for the ending: every step and move here puts things where they need to be for the final chapter.  The pain our heroes go through is necessary so they can all grow.. except Stephen and Wallace. Stephen sucks and Wallace dosen’t need to change. He does need his own spinoff. But for Scott, Ramona and Kim the trials to come are necessary to make them into their best selves by series end. 

So join me under the cut as we get sad so very very sad, this is Scott Pilgrim vs the Universe. 

Precious Little Life:  We open with Scott’s Birthday! Hit it MC Chris!

But yes it’s septmeber and Scott is now 24 years old. Also Julie is there because presumibly Stephen dredged her out of her swamp for the evening despite Julie likely not wanting to be there and Scott sure a shell not wanting her there.  He vows that he will be the best 24 year old ever...... yeah let’s take a brief look into the future to see how that pans out

But we have a full volume and more metaphorical rakes to whack Scott in the face before that paticular one. 

A MONTH AND A FEW DAYS LATER

It’s the day of the dead, whoa ho way down in Tornoto. It’s hosted by Satan Herself, who dosen’t realize the holiday for hags was yesterday. This is for remembering the dead and rising out of the grave to go resuce your young wards by ramming a bunch of guys in butterfly costumes with your car or stealing your children’s kidneys.  This is Rat Girl’s new place, a fancy loft she and 3 other girls went on to throw the best parties beaause of course. She’s also a bitch to our hero and heroine because of course. 

But Scott soon has more important things to worry about: Ramona spots his next two opponents.. the twins hinted at last time, Kyle and Ken Kataynagi, Perfect Jerk and Handsome Asshat respectively.

Kyle and Ken are easily the least intresting of the 7 exes. With the other 4 so far having been a loveable ham, a stoic movie star whose suprisingly nice and dies via skateboard, a gloriously douchey and dumb psychic evil version of our much more loverable dumb douche with personal connections to both him and Ramona, and Roxy who was genuinely sympathetic, held back by her own selfishness and anger.. we get.. two smug assholes who use robots. Their not UNINTRESTING, the robots have cool designs and the fight with them is genuinely exciting.. but they just don’t have the charisma or personal factor. Their jsut two assholes ramona dated at the same time who happen to know more about her well guarded past than the other exes and are more liable to bring it up.. and even then it’s not anything new as Envy pulled similar tactics far more intrestingly in volume 3. THey don’t ruin the volume or anything, thier fine, but I just wish O’Malley had done more. Especially since he clealry had more intresting ideas with them: the sound battle we saw in the movie was an early draft of this and one early draft had Scott’s previously unseen brother Laurence working with them. I don’t knowWHY he scrapped that as it raises the stakes and makes this far more personal for Scott. Which at this point is what the exes SHOULD be: Todd and Roxy BOTH were more personal threats, Todd being his ex’s boyfriend and first love and Roxy being a genuine competior for Ramona. These guys again are just two douchers who show up because we need 7 douchers to complete the doucher circle. 

So the twins declare their not going to fight scott.. and instead send a tiny robot to fight him. Awww. But for this fight O”Malley does something really intresting and creative.. he dosen’t focus on it. No really Ken and Kyle are dicks to Ramona so Kim wisely gets her out of there, and the two have a casual talk on the balcony while Ramona smokes. It’s some fun banter between the two that both shows why their shipped to all hell. The two just play off each other really damn well. Though we also get Craphole asking people if they want to come watch Scott get beat up because the worst. 

Something important character stuff comes up though: As was shown last time at her rightful rage that Stephen HAD an opportunity to book a gig and kept refusing it for his fecking album, Kim is still fairly salty about the whole recording an album bullshit. The biggest part of it..

It’s something you really DON’T expect to here coming out of kim: that she really LIKED the band. But beneath the pillar of salt she puts out daily... these were her friends, this was getting to do something creative and passionate, and it was a break from the daily grind. Even if her job isn’t TERRIBLE, getting to watch movies and hang out with her best friend Clerks style.. it’s still a retail job and those still weigh on you.. though frankly i’d take one of those over food service but sadly tha’ts what i get most of the time. This was fun.. and Stephen ripped that away from her for his own selfish reasons. No one else in the band really cared about making an album.. if Stephen REALLY wanted to find a more professional band.. then he should’ve just told them so Scott and Kim could find someone else to do guitars for them. Instead he forced them into doing something they don’t want to do and refuses to actually play shows, which COULD help both perfect songs for the album version and get them new fans for said upcoming album and provide them recurring venues to SELL said album,  because he really just wants to be with Joseph and fuck anyone else. Stephen is really just an inhernetly selfish git and i’ll get more into that in a bit. But first Wallace has a text for Scott. 

Now I COULD have just skipped over this.. but I didn’t want to. Plus we dont’ se Wallace for a while in this story so i’m taking what I can get. 

So back to Stephen being a repugnant ass. I’ve been waiting for this scene for the entire retrospective. I”ve hinted at it, and largely blamed it for why I hate him so damn much. The time is nigh to explain WHY. 

Stephen is with Knives, as the two are close friends and such. Stephen expalins Sex Bomb-Omb isn’t playing because he and the personfication of bitchiness broke up. Which knives points out is for...

But it’s clear from context this was the LAST time. Why he still got invited I dunno, plot convience. So far so normal.. until Stephen picks up that Knives is STILL hung up on Scott. Which is understandable crushes can last a while but i’ts equally understandable that Stephen is utterly baffled by it. Which I get,  I didn’t make an entire tom lucitor retropsecitve because I liked that his relationship with Star ended with him stepping aside due to what the show thought was “true wuv” but what comes off instead as his self loathing casuing him to blame himself for a realtionship that’s crumbling for reasons that aren’t his fault. 

And his actions here are incredibly well meant: He bluntly gives Knives the wake up call she DOES need: Scott cheated on her, he dated her because she was easy to date, strung her along for a bit while seeing someone else, then dumped her with not one care for her well being. That is stuff she NEEDS to get into her head so she can move on. She needs to see him for what he IS and not for what she’s built him up as in her head. And while yeah his rant DOSNE’T take into account the fact Scott geninely tried to make up for his actions in volume 3, Stephen wasn’t there for that and Knives probbably didn’t tell him about it.  So from his point of view scott broke her heart and did nothing.. and evne IF he knew that, Scott still hasn’t tried to do anything since despite Knives still being obessed with him nor come clean to her or Ramona at any point. Scott deserves this call out and the consequences that come with it. 

So your probably wondering WHY I hate Stephen because of this scene when he’s you know, RIGHT. Well it’s simple: being right dosen’t save you from being a MASSIVE hypcorite. He’s railing on Scott for cheating and hurting someone.. when he cheated on Julie and would’ve hurt her if she had the capacity for human emotion, empathy, or self awarness. The ending of the last volume and how bad, even for them, their relationship was implied the hell out of it, with him nervous when she brings up being paranoid over knives.. as if he WAS cheating. on One Face just not with a teenage girl but a grown ass man who hates everyone as much as BLARARARGAGAG does. 

Not only that.. but he was with Julie for the SAME DAMN reasons Scott was with Knives: it was easy. Now I WILL grant Stephen some sympathy: he’s a queer man and as one myself, bi for the record, I GET how fucking hard it is to come to terms with that, that what you thought you were isn’t ENITRELY true or, if Stephen is gay and not bi or pan, ENIRELY FALSE. So I do have some care that it was hard for him to sort all this out. I do and that Jospeh could’ve seduced him or what not. We don’t have all the context here. But he STILL cheated at the end of the day instead of telling her he was queer until MONTHS later.  And why yes the fact I have to feel bad for JULIE does make it that much worse. And yes their relationsihp COULD simply be that toxic or she could’ve gaslit him, but it seemed more like their relationship was messy breakups and getting back together over and over. While Julie IS vile, she’s not a domestic abuser mental or physical as far as I can tell. She’s a bitch and their relatioship is unehlathy but there was no indication their relationship involved gaslighting or evne phsyical violence: it was just fucked from minute one. So yeah he stayed in an awful relationship beacuse it was easier than coming out, when he should’ve broken it off as soon as it was clear he and Joseph were actually going somewhere. Waiting while he figured out who he was is one thing, tha’ts fiar, but cheating on someone just because you don’t have the nerve to break it off with them when their genuinely awful to you and your only hurting them as much as they can be hurt by dragging this out... yeah that just makes you an ass. 

Another point of contention is that he NEVER called Scott out on this. Never. Not even after this scene. Never encouraged him to tell Ramona or apologize to Knives, again he didn’t know Scott already had tried that. Never gets on him.. he just ignores Scott’s shitty behavior like eveyrone else and unlike Kim, whose still got unresolved feelings and is at the very least clearly bothered by his shitty behavior, and Neil, whose young and thus like me likely looked up to Scott at the time, he dosen’t have an excuse other than “Well I don’t want to ruin our friendship by actually calling him out when he does something objectivionally awful.” Especially since Wallace DID actually take action: he didn’t break up the relationship or say anythign to Ramona, which is wrong... but he did tell scott flat out after his first date with Ramona to break up with Knives. And when Scott chickned out of that, Wallace gave him the ultimatium, may it live in empathy, to do so or he WOULD tell Ramona. And at least Wallace has a motive for not telling Ramona other than “I don’t want to risk my friendship with a guy I really don’t care about and think is shitty”. He wanted to see Scott recover from Envy, something Stephen never gave ONE. SHIT. ABOUT. He saw Ramona was good for him and knew telling her, while the RIGHT thing to do, would severely harm Scott, and by volume 4 leave him homeless. Plus Wallace frankly enabled him for some time anyway, letting him live at their place rent free and paying for all his food and frequently letting Scott steal his credit card. WIth Wallace at least while it’s not the RIGHT move, it’s understandable and complicated vs Stephen who really dosen’t seem to like or get along with Scott after volume 1, suddenly cares what happens to his relationship. 

And what proves this... is this little exchange that ends the conversation. 

Knives despite her issues, despite blinding herself to how Scott treated her, despite everything... thinks Ramona should know. And she’s right. And Stephen KNOWS THIS. He knows it was the right thing to do and just.. takes a swig instead of admitting he’s a fucking hypocrite or explaining himself in any way.  He NEVER cared about Ramona’s feelings or how this would effect her or saw her as important in any way shape or form. Kim at least clearly feels guilty. Wallace clearly is only doing so because it’s better for both her and Scott that their together and is a flawed human being. Stephen.. just dosen’t do so out of some masculine bullshit code of not ratting out your friend and his own cowardace. He clearly COULD go walk up to Ramona right now and tell her, but he won’t. And again I don’t buy he honeslty cares enough about Scott for their friendship to TRULY be enough of a factor to stop that. Fuck. Stephen. Stills. 

So Scott wins naturally, but is bummed there’s no reward.. but Stephen points out there’s tons of free food over yonder so he noms before he and Ramona leave. 

We get some cute domestic bits with Scott and ramona: Scott playing games on her phone all day, the two cooking dinner, and Scott admititng he hasn’t thought of envy at all. “I have you now”. Though through it there are some signs of unease: Scott finds a letter to Gideon, and Ramona asks about her hair and stares out into the window. Nice little hints that even before the big bomb abotu to drop she’s not at ease.. she loves Scott.. but it’s hard for her to let herself BE happy. It’s easy to wager she wasn’t for most of her life. 

Can’t Face Up

So next we find Sex Bomb-Omb working on the album. Or rather Stephen and Joseph are. Scott and Kim are praying for death but death won’t come and Kim wonders why the fuck this isn’t finished. Joseph wants her out of his house... forgetting that Kim lives in said house. 

Still his expressoin implies he’s going to do a murder on her if she stays in the room and since Drummers are hard to come by Stephen spirits them to kim’s room for a band meeting. Turns out they do have a gig but naturally Rosemary’s Baby booked it... and they haven’t practiced in months because Stephen’s a moron. He theorizes it’s Freddy’s Revenge, which is admitely probably valid though Kim can TELL something worse happened Stephen won’t cop to because he’s a piece of shit. I spent several paragraph’s establishing that. They try blaying and two sucktacular minutes i’ts clear their fucked sunday. 

So after a scene of Knives trying HARD to justify Scott’s actions and blame htem on Ramona, to no success, we get one of my faviorite parts of this book: Scott rambling on for god knows how long about the x-men while Ramona gets dressed and is presumibly barely listneing. 

I relate so hard to this it hurts. While not this era I wll GLADLY go on and on about X-Men and anything X-Adjacent at any goddamn opportunity and anyone who reads my blog on a regular basis and you know this. I need to tlak more x-men outside of my slowly failing New X-Men retrospective (Which is on the back burner because no one seeems to genuinely care after chapter one). If I did have a signifgant other, they would probably end up in a situation like this quite a lot and i’d have no shame about it. 

I also love this scene even more as while I DID love x-men at the time, I wasn’t quite the mega fan I was, nor as familiar with Claremont’s long, epic and often fucking weird in the special wonderful way only comics can run. Given I OWN over half his run at this point, that has changed. Though oddly not this part. So not only do I get Scott’s talking about x-men I Know what SPECIFICALLY. 

And for the unitatied, a quick explination of what the fuck Scott’s going on and on about: In the late 80′s, the x-men fought a reality warping malevolent trickster god named the Adversary. IN order to beat him their friend forget had to perform a cermony to lock his ass away that required willingly given life forces. The X-Men did REALLY fucking die.. but the Goddess Roma, daughter of Merlin and enemy of the advesary brought them back to life. With their deaths having been broadcast on live tv, and with tons of dangerous enemies at their heels, the X-Men choose to let the world continue to think they were dead so they could hit said enemies where it hurt.

SO this is where Scott’s story comes in:The X-Men’s first mission was clearing out the reavers, a bunch of racist cyborgs, from a ghost town which they took over as their base. As Scotty said they traveled all over the world, fought aliens, more racists, and then went to New York as it literally went ot hell. it’s a LOT and I haven’t read most of that era. I just know about it. I have read that last part though: the x-men were ambushed while wolveirne was away by said racist cyborgs so Psylocke shoved them through the siege perilous, a gate thingy romana gave them that would give them a new life and amnesia and such, leaving wolveirne to get crucified till Jubilee, who’d been hiding in their base gary busey style, freed him. The two would travel the world, find psylocke body swapped which is why she was asian for several decades, and get into general stuff for a few years real time till the X-Men slowly reunited. And you probbaly dind’t need to hear all of that but your life is better for knowing it. 

As you can tell Ramona’s discontent is mounting. And probably not because of Scott rambling about x-men. Last night he told her about the time Magneto beat them all because they stupidly rushed him one at a time then forced them into high tech chairs while a robotic nanny babbied them and then esecaped because shut up before fighting magneto, getting surrounded by lava and having beast ASSUME they were dead because fuck actually coming back and searching just in case like a rational human being because magma or no the x-men have surivived worse, including the depths of space, and restoring all of reality from scratch.  I may of just read those issues tonight. 

She procedes to make things worse for our hero as when he asks fo rher advice.. she reveals she dosen’t like his band.. and while she means nothing BY that, she’s nice about it, telling him his band sucks days before a sudden show where you guys eat a lot isn’t something you do. Wallace is naturally even less helpful and maybe his not liking the band is why we barely see him interact. Maybe he just figured Stepheen was on the fence sexuality wise but wasn’t willing to put up with Julie to test that. I dunno. 

So at the restraunt Stephen’s a dick, refusing to help Scott with his problems. WHich for once are legitamte as he worries abotu Ramona keeping secrets. He just wants to talk about hte band.. but 48 or something hours after this he has no real plan. 

Scott mopes to Kim about Ramona and she has some sage advice for him...

Also thing one and thing two are at the bar with a remote. This cannot end well... granted givne our heroes are not at all prepared and are playing two diffrent songs, this was never going to end well. 

And things only get worse for Scott in the bathroom.. he’s not there.. but his girlfriend and his ex are. Knives tries to work it out.. but Ramona being a bit short with her, which is fair given Knives tried to stab her a bunch a few months back and never apologized, leading to a quick fight.. but with Knives heart not in it this time and Ramona pissed and this time NOT confsued as to what the hell ihs going on, it ends with Ramona slamming knives into a wall... and Knives sadly revealing the truth to Ramona...

The scene hits like a truck with both devistated.. Ramona not having realized Scott with this shitty.. and Knives FINALLY accepting that he is. Finally letting her obession with him drop and realize what he was and what he did and let the full impact hit. The last part also hits hard “No One Else Would’ve Told You’.  It’s a sad hard truth and it’s CLEARLY something that hits both women hard.  For Knives it’s realizing Kim and Stephen, who she’s increidbly close to at this point, both don’t have the stomach to do the right thing, and thus hid this from her and Ramona. Stephen DID tell her.. but he still didn’t have the guts to tell RAMONA nor the actual care. It’s the realization the people she looked up to truly let her down and that she had to do what they couldn’t, even if it tore her apart to do it. For Ramona it’s realizing her closest friends outside of Scott could’ve told her and never did. No matter how close she’s gotten to Kim and Wallace, neither gave a fuck about her rights or her need to know. 

So Ramona is rattled and barely speaks while Scott has been fighting anothe rrobot and ends the gig accidnetly smashing his bass. Stephen is pissy with him and blames hi mfor runing the gig, which turned out to be a trap anyway complete with fliers. 

Ramona decides to gently throw him out as he forgot his keys while his other friends won’t house him leaving him with the one friend he has who dosen’t hate him right now. WALLACE!

The Glow:

So at Casa De Welles, Wallace has some buddy time, not making any bones about the fact Ramona clearly threw Scott out for the night and wearing a neat robe. Scott mopes about the fact he hasn’t met mobile whose apparenlty on the astral plane. I wonder if he has any buisness with Emma.. I mean the x-men did live in san fran sicsio but given decimation didn’t have many psychics. Might’ve been tryign to get another one. THey didn’t have a whole island that walks like a man yet.  And while Wallace wasn’t in much of a coaching mood last time he is willing to help. He couldn’t get bupkiss on the twins since Scott can’t even remember their names, but he did pull off a miracle. Despite their being a million Gideons in New York.. Wallace found THE Gideon. Granted all he got was his full name, Gideon Gordon Graves, and a few burry photos, one with Ramona confirming this is our douche, but given he had only a first name and an ex to work with this is some damn fine work. Wallace asks scott about his future with Ramona but he just.. has no earthly idea because of course he dosen’t. He hasn’t REALLY thought about what comes after beating the exes because he never thinks anything through. Interesting stuff The next day Scott meets up with Kim at No Account Video and we get our first, and I mean literally first, indiciation things are falling apart with her and Hollie. Scott wants to say hi, Kim refuses him and gives a smart ass comment when he asks if them being roomates isn’t working out. He wasn’t even being a dick it’s just clear SOMETHING bad’s going on she won’t talk about because she puts up walls around hrself on a GOOD day and this clearly isn’t one.

It gets worse when they stop by Stephen’s place only to find Neil whose both taken up a combination of smoking and moping in a dark room. Never a good sign. Nor is Stephen apparenlty being at band practice.. meaning either he lied to Neil about where he went.. or he already started the band we’ll see him with next volume and is already stabbing his friends in the back. There wasn’t much to like about the guy to BEGIN with, but his behavior just gets worse with every volume and it’s reached it’s apex here. The speech was shitty enough, I spent several paragraphs explaning why, but the rest of his behavior isn’t much better. He abandoned two people who were, for god knows what reason loyal to him and abandoned the band because of some bearded asshole probably encouraging him to. 

We also get some telling behavior on Kim’s part. Whlie she’s usually morose around Scott in the face of this both just hang out, it’s plesant. She even smiles when she asks if it’s going to be a regular occurance when he stays with her that night. Granted she brings back her frown soon after, but as has been clear her feelings for him never really went away entirely, and this is the closest the two have been in volumes, just enjoying each others company. It’s also telling that Scott trusts kim with a favor.

We see the favor the next page: Kim hangs out with Ramona.. and Scott marchs in completely on purpose soon after. Granted Kim probably didn’t know THIS was part of the plan, and it’s mildly stupid.. but it DOES show progress for Scott. Keep in mind his usual tactic is “avoid the fuck out of it and hope it goes away’ So ACTUALLY wanting to talk about things and find her again, and not doing it in a creepy way but simply drawing her out with a friend, shows SOME maturlity. It’s still not the most mature.. but with Ramona clearly not wanting him at their place, her work not having a set location as she just picks stuff up and drops it off (And even if she’s picking up packages at the post office we don’t know which one or if there’s multiple and even if we did scott sure as hel l does not), he was out of options. It also WORKS, with Ramona breaking her mopeynesss to laugh and Kim stunned it didn’t just piss her off further. 

So we find out what happened with Hollie when Scott brings up jason. She points out they were dating but... welllllllll

Yeah... as you could probably tell I do not like this plot point at all. For one thing we never really got to KNOW Jason, and with him and Hollie getting a little too cozy at the end of the last volume...

It’s clear his ONLY roll in the story was to be there so Hollie could betray Kim in some way. And look I get a LOT in this series happens while we’re not looking, ti’s part of it’s charm. Things not pausing for the side cast is a trope I enjoy: it allows some things to progress faster and allows for some intresting stories when the main cast catches up. Steven Unvierse and Ducktales both used this well as does Scott Pilgrim but all three weren’t immune to someitnes goofing up and taking it too far. 

This whole situation is that: Hollie is a character I got attached to: She had a great report with kim, they were really close and she offered her a place to stay when it was clear she was miserable with the four horseman of the bitchpocalypse she lived with. So while having her suddenly heel turn is realistic... it just feels thorughly unsatisfying. We do not see Hollie again after she’s sudeenly derailed, so we never get to see what she’s apparenlty REALLY like or get any explination why this happened. Suddenly Kim’s best friend is a douchebag even though it makes no sense for her character. Just because in real life people can turn out to be really shitty on a dime dosen’t mean it’s a neat thing to READ in a story and it feels like a waste of what was one of the series best side characters. And granted i’ve been through FAR worse treatment of side characters, trust me but this one still blows to this day and if there is a netflix adaptation this either needs to not happen or have actual depth. Seriously Netflix your adapting everything else, get on the bus already. 

Scott is GENUINELY apologetic, we’ve rarely seen him this nice but he genuinely feels bad for her.. and unlike Stephen’s thing it’s okay to feel shitty someone got cheated on even if you were a cheater in the past. As I said Stephen wasn’t wrong about how Scott treeted knives.. he just also was trying to take moral high ground which Knives proved he absolutely did not have in seconds.

This triggers Ramona’s glow, the squggly line thing that shows up over her head ocasoinally.. and while Ramona grills Scott... Kim just finally asks what the hells up with her head. Scott’s reaction is “OH good you guys see it too”. Kim does try to show it to ramona but it’s gone by then and she drops it for now and outside encourages her to come to Julie’s latest shitty party.. I mean their miserable but at least it gives thems omething to do

So we get another instalment of “Scott rambles about the X-Men” or New Mutants in this case as we’re talking about Magik, Aka Illyana Rasputin 

So for the long version: The X-Men were staying at a creepy temple that Magneto had been working out of beause the mansion was being repaired. Colossus, everyone’s favorite Russian and Deadpool co-star, had his kid sister Illyana with him as Arcade, a ginger maniac assasian whose gimmick is creating elaborate murder theme parks, kidnapped her in a plot to get the x-men to fight Dr. Doom for him. Given this was during the Cold War they coudln’t exactly take her back, so she stayed with the X-Men and her beloved big brother. 

So naturlaly the spooky temple decorated in Cthulu’s had a portal to hell in it and  an evil and genirc looking fucker named Belasco kidnapped her to a hell dimension known as Limbo>  the X-Men went after her as you’d expect and things got WEIRD as due to some complicated and weird time dialition stuff I sitll don’t quite understand there ended up being two copies of the x-men: ours who came in right after, and a second batch who stayed there for about 7-8 years and got warped by Bellsaco’s magic as he killed or changed most of them. As a result Storm became a sorcerer to fight back, Kitty Pryde became some sort of cat creature and Kurt became a creepy evil version of himself. Illyana stayed htere, learned magics from both storm and asshole, learned to fight from cat kitty, and eventually escaped after a lot of horrible bullshit, hardnered and with her soul scarred from it, now a teenager. She joined the New Mutants, the training class of x-men in the comics, soon after. She’s a member agian in present day, one of the great captains of Krakoa, and one of the two co-leaders of Krakoa’s younger mutants, i.e. 20 something to teens and kids. 

This is the best of the two scenes as the narrative , or at least Scott’s versions parallels Ramona’s own; Getting taken in by an evil man and feeling tainted by that. 

So at the party Ramona runs into Neil whose a dick about it and with some girl. She WAS going to be fleshed out more in the original draft but Brian ended up scrapping it for time, but does regret it. It’s here we get Neil’s face punchingly dickish comment that’s also a massive hint as to Stephen’s sexuality. 

Yeah even if Stephen’s been an UTTERLY shitty friend to him.. this was uncalled for even for the late 2000′s. What a prick. I do like the arc of Neil slowly falling apart though getting more and more bitter as his old friends abandoned him casually, especailly Stephen. While his comment was still HORRIBLY unwarranted even with Stephen being a dipshit. 

Speaking of assholes we get our last major with Julie who berates Scott for grabbing some booze and brings in the twist. I’m.. i’m not even bothering to give her an insluting and weird nickname. She’s still a HORRIBLE piece of shit, as she brought Scott’s enemies there to try and beat him to death for her own amusment and berated him for getting booze at a party she CLEARLY expected him to come to, but she’s ALMOST gone. Seriously after this she’s GONE for the volume and barely in the rest of the series. So i’d rather celebrate FINALLY having earned my freedom over worrying about her any more than i have to. Cue the music!

So with that Kyle.. or is it Ken. 

But the blonde one needles ramona, giving her her faviorite booze and telling her “this is all just temproary”

So Ramona gets all glowy.. and Kim gets her phone out....

The Universe Fights Back So in a random bedroom Ramona gives up the ghost: SHe DOES know what that is she just can’t tell Kim. Kim accepts it and they share some drinks. Scott, after beheading the douche bros latest science project, joins them and we get a lovely scene of the three drinking and bonding and geneuinely just having a good time. Though Kim DOES mention that she wants to go back to school.. This will naturally be very important. 

What’s more important is this scene is ENITRELY while I poly ship these three dum dums. I mean while part of thier hapiness here is their blasted out of hteir heads, it’s also just Kim’s wall sbeing down. She tells the two she loves them, and I think MEANS IT. Not to mention this...

Okay maybe it’s just the two of them but they also love Scott. And again I get htier VERY obviously drunk.. but given Kim and Ramona are clearly actively supressing any bi parts of themselves most of hte time this is telling. The fact Ramona asks kim to sleep in THIER bed, likely with them, is ALSO very telling and Kim only dosen’t because their using sub space. No really that’s the only reason this volume didn’t end VERY diffrently with the three of htem having a three way before the argument coming up.. and possibly fixing said argument by having kim to mediate. I mean I get Scott’s not a big part of this so if you don’t want to ship him with them and just leave them alone that’s fine, ut I like the idea of them as a throuple: they ballance each other out.. and frakly with Scott’s irresponsblity and Ramona’s emotoinal issues they need someone to call them b oth out in the relationship, while these two are two of the only three people in the work i’ve seen Kim take her walls down for. Not even Jason got that, but Jason was also a carboard cutout. 

Things take a turn from Kim.. from an almost threesome where she CLEARLY would be getting most of the attention... to two assholes kidnapping her. Now while I don’t like the twins that much their plan for the final act IS actually clever: their the first ones to think to actually use the people Scott cares about.. or anything resembling strategy really. Matt just charged int here, Lucas coudln’t give less of a fuck, Todd just used brute strength like a teletkentic juggernaught, and Roxy DID use some but it was less to actually fight scott and more to get into ramona’s pants again. The twins see Kim clearly still loves Scott, and that while he acts aloff to her sometimes she really is one of his best friends. No really, think about it. Wallace is his BEST friend.. but Kim sticks by him even when he’s shitty, calls him out when needed, and despite her grumpiness is the one who has the most faith in him out of ANYONE. It’s a large point of the volume: she dosen’t bother watching the fights.. because she belivies he’ll win simply because he’s Scott. That’s love right there. The kind of love that gets you kidnapped as part of an elaborate scheme but love nonetheless. 

So we then get the scene that’s been coming for five volumes... after having sex, Ramona confronts Scott. While Scott admits he didn’t cheat on her with knvies, the other way around, that’s not better. He admits he’s been trying to forget about it.. and she calls him a bad person. And that. .hits him hard. While he DESERVES scorn for what he did... as he puts it next he’s been trying to change for her. To BE better. And all she sees, and outright confirms is another evil ex in waiting with Scott DESPERATE to prove her wrong and wrongly thinking beating the next three exes will fix this. It’s a VERY hard sceen to watch as while Scott does deserve this.. it’s also hard not to feel bad for him too. It really sums up the character: He is a dick.. but he’s TRYING to be better. He WANTS to be, he just dosen’t know how. And MAN can I relate to that.  It dosen’t help that Ramona is clearly projecting her own insecurties about this lasting, about actually being happy and about this really being her life onto him, using this as an easy out after having a month of doubt. Yes Scott did something unbelivibely shitty.. but both are trying to take the easy way out of it instead of genuinely discussing why it’s shitty, what he did was wrong and geniuinely unpacking if this is the end. Ramona clearly wants to bail, and Scott clearly just wants to punch a few guys to make it better. Neither thing will work. They need to work thorugh their issues to work... but neither is capable of that right now. They both want to run from the problem. 

This volume is in part about Ramona herself.. and showcasing her OWN flaws.. and like Scott her biggest is that she runs. She wants to escape her past too and both assumed the other would be an easy fix, that by having a good partner they’d be better.. when really their both mildly shitty people who need to make peace with their past and repair the bridges they’ve burnt and flip off the ones not worht reparing instead of running from it all the time. But sadly before both can.. their just gonna run again. Because sometimes fixing yourself is just not that easy. 

So the next morning Scott’s heart stops fo ra second when Ramona is seemingly gone.. only for her to instead be in teh shower. But Scott gets a text telling him the twins have Kim and TRIES to tell Ramona.. but she’s in the shower. As a result she’s worried he just ran off... and makes a decision , her hair cut back down after growing it out this volume, a sign of her hapiness.. now gone. 

The Glow Part 2 So at an abandoned wherehouse the fight is on. The twins have the advantage in part because Scott is hung over.. something they take offense to.. even though they were THERE last night. He was at a party. They don’t know he teatotles. What state did they THINK he’d be in this morning?

We also find out their origin: as Scott correctly guessed at the end of last volume, Ramona dated them both at the same time and pit them against each other. They found out and vowed to always fight as one.. which means Scott is not only fighting two equally powerful opponents at once, but two who work as a perfct team and double hurricane kick him. They also mentally break him down, pointing out her previous job and how she’s a runner and she’s here to run from her past working for Gideon.

They aren’t but I already went into that so let’s get onto more pressing issues: Scott is not only hung over but now doubting himself and his dumbass plan to beat gideon and magically fix things, while Kim is naturally not happy about being stuck in a cage all night. And while at first she’s genuinely just grumpy as always as it becomes clear Scott has lost hope and the twins are going to win this one her expression is heartbreaking...

After EVERYTHING she still loves him and can’t bear to see him in so much pain... and can’t loose him.. so she gets desperate and claims Ramona texted him to give him hope. 

This is one of Kim’s definting moments, the other coming next month. When faced with the person she loves possibly dying.. she lies to him.. so he can surivive. So he can have hope and make it through this.. despite how much it’s CLEARLY KILLING HER to not only tell him someone else loves him but to clealry lie that person loves him, knowing it’ll hurt him more.. but knowing if she DOSEN’T he’ll die. It’s one of the most painful, heartbreaking and beautiful moments in the entire series. It’s why I said earlier while I don’t like the brothers their climactic fight his excellent.. because it is. Their verbal breaking down of Scott is hearbreaking and Kim’s sacrifice equally so. 

And before stomping them into coins SCott shows further growth.. by showing he CAN give off a good one liner now...

So Scott beats them and gets Kim out of the cage, worried about her.. but despite having a chance, Kim lets him get on his way to ramona and morsoely wlaks off... while ominously the sign points out this will soon be the Chaos Theater. There’s still one left to go. 

But.. it’s sadly not enough. While Scott gives her a heartfelt speech... even if he quotes the song as long as you love me... he dosen’t care who she is.. but Ramona does.. calling herself a bad person.. as she vanishes.... and I cry my eyes out again. God two really heartbreaking scenes in a row sweet jesus this volume will be the death of me.. and not just because i’ts taken so damn long to write this review. And on top of tha the looses the cat and ends up locked out. 

World of Ruin:

So yeah if you thought those bits weren’t easy.. it only gets roughter as we see Scott in the aftermath of the breakup. His dream world is now desolate and he’s alone. Now to his creidt as much shit as i’ve given him Stephen didn’t ENTIRELY abandon Scott: he put him up fo rth enight (though he kicks him out after work) and offers to take him to after work drinks. We also see a nice side of Scott’s intimdating boss as she offers her symaptheties at him crying... while he says it’s the onions... he’s transparenlty lying. 

Next up is Kim. Though she dosen’t have a couch because Hollie sold it.. which as dickish as she suddenly is it IS her couch as Kim points out.. so yeah Kim and Scott end up sleeping awkardly in the same bed facing away from each other.. and to add another emotional guttpunch at the worst possible time: She’s going back home. 

Stacey is even lesss helpful as SCott continues to ask about cats and is unsypantethic about her leaving despite you know,  him REALLY not being at the shit talking her stage yet bud. At least we do get to see Stacey in this one I genuinely forgot she was in it. 

So at Wallace’s he’s no help either pointing out she might be with someone else because he’s wallace and we meet a guy with Glases.. and in his bad state Scott assumes i’ts gideon. it’s not though. WE finally meet Mobile!

He’s exactly what wallace needs.. a fellow sarcastic asshole. 

So next up is Kim’s goodbye.. which once again is really emotinal..a nd not just because  my faviorite character is leaving and again, younger me didn’t know this wasn’t forever.. or that she’d be back for a rather huge role next time. But still it’s a damn good scene that shows how far Scott’s come...

While the first part is standard... the second is Scott realizing that she still had feelings for him, clearly given her actions during the fight, and he’d been a right dick this whole time never dealing with it or apolgoizing for his past. Granted he still has a way to go to REALLY apologize for it... but he’s trying and means it. And with her possibly never seeing again.. she needed that. Also her coat is damn cool. I’d say I want one like that btu i’d really prefer one like Scotts complete with x-men patch. Pax Krakoa bitches. 

We get a really nice scene after where we meet Scott’s parents! Their also really kind helping him get a new place and move on... and runs into another glasses guy. But this time it’s Laurence! Who he drop kicks.. and then gives a broken bass back to. Eh... i’ve seen worse relationship with siblings honestly. He didn’t murder scott’s friend or plunge a whole galaxy into war or try and murder his daughter. Other Scott’s weren’t so lucky. 

So after that awkardness SCott finds the note to gideon which is a break up letter... she never sent. However there’s something more pressing as he gets a call... and you can probably guess given his luck lately who that’s from. 

Eh it’s not that murderoius creep but another one. 

The end.. is in a few weeks.

Final Thoughts: 

As I said I hated Vs the Universe on first read but re-reading it with hindsight and maturity.. it’s damn good. It’s depressing as hell.. but the things it does need to happen to push scott into a bad enough place for the next volume to work, and are natural: Ramona and Kim leaving, The band  breaking up, Scott kicking his brother in the face.. all natural things. It hurts, this was a HARD one to write and I only feel the next one will be harder because it’s way longer with less slice of lifey stuff to skim through in my recapping. 

But it’s a damn good one, with fantastic art, really gripping scenes, x-men refrenes and a spotlight shone on my girl kim. Even it’s weak spots dont’ hurt it: the twins are only weak by comparison, and still work well enough for the story, pushing ramona into the bad mental place she needs to be for the story to work. Hollie’s thing DID Need to be written way fucking better... but it does push kim into leaving which is CRITICAL for next time. So they aren’t GREAT elements, but they work. The only real other problem I have is knives just.. vanishes after her scene outside of one bit with Stephen, but that I can understand as the book is pretty tightly packed and she gets a fitting sendoff next time anyway. All in all another amazing entry and the perfect warm up for one of the best endings in comics history

Next Time: I said it and I meant it: one of the best endings in comics history as Scott hits on some exes, fights himself and betters himself as he prepares for his finest hour! Will Ramona Come back? Will Kim? Will Julie?... to answer your questions yes yes, and god dammit. Thank you all for reading, see you at the next rainbow. 

[angelz-dust]

masters of none (jason todd x reader)

summary: welcome to my jason x celebrity fic, based on this headcanon. pls enjoy. 

word count: 5.2k

warnings: gun mention. food mention. 

part 2

626 bedford avenue

baby let's have a conversation and god forbid we have a connection

...

"are you sure? i don't wanna leave your here alone," dex had said to you as he put his jacket on. the two of you were in the studio when he got a sudden invite to a party.

"i'll be fine. i just wanna finish this track tonight. or attempt to, i guess," you explained, spinning in your chair to face him. you watched as he used his wooden military brush to fix his waves. "everyone else is going so you should go."

"you should also go," he chuckled, shaking his head before sighing and pocketing the brush. "at least let me take you home now."

"i have to finish this, dex. seriously. just go," you told him, turning back around to face the monitor.

"fine, but i'm coming back when it's over and i'm taking you home. i don't care if you're not done or passed out on the couch," he told you firmly, grabbing his keys off the coffee table. "are you hungry? i can get you something to eat."

"i already ate."

you did not, but you weren't hungry. you were too invested in working to be hungry. you'd eat later when he picked you up.

"alright. make sure the doors are locked when i leave. you know where the gun is, right?" he asked and you lifted your arm up, giving him a thumbs up. you had your headphones back on and were about to focus on that again. he rolled his eyes before leaving, making sure the doors were locked himself.

your work in progress played loudly in your ears as you stared at the meticulously placed loops on the monitor. you didn't like hearing your own voice but you loved the rush of putting together the puzzle that was a song, so you let it go. you worked for hours, unmoving from your spot until you felt a familiar tingle make place in your temples. a hunger headache was coming on and staring at the monitor, probably without blinking, wasn't helping.

it was midnight and dex probably wouldn't get back until 2 or 3. you weren't sure if you'd last that long. there were snacks in the mini fridge that could tide you over but it wouldn't be satisfying. you stood up, your legs feeling like jelly from not being used for so long. your ass had gone numb, too.

you wobbled your way to the fridge of wonders, resting on it to balance yourself as you opened it. you were looking for the yogurt you had stashed in there but...

"fucking jordy," you breathed out, recalling how he had eaten it that morning before you both left for your video with gotham insider.

...

"hey, i'm jordy rivas."

"and i'm y/n l/n."

"we're here with gotham insider and we'll be answering your burning questions."

you had a bucket filled with slips of paper in your lap as you waited for the cue to start picking. you took in your surroundings, not being able to see much with the bright lights illuminating you from above and keep everyone else in the dark. sometimes you couldn't tell if you were on set or on an operating table. jordy, your group mate, noticed that you two had plenty of questions to answer as he peered into the bucket.

how you got here was still a blur. your rise to stardom alongside your friends felt so sudden, it was hard to believe. you didn't expect to have such a large following at this point, or ever. and you never thought you'd have a band of brothers and sisters who loved music as much as you did. it was like a dream come true. not only did you have them but you were able to expand your horizons musically. you were just a below average producer before but now you produced music of all genres at such a high caliber. hell, you even sang a little now.

being a celebrity was overwhelming at times, but you loved interacting with fans or the family, as you affectionately called them. you'd take a simple q&a or fan meet over an award show or social event any day.

"alright, go ahead and start," a staff member said from behind the camera and you stuck your hand in at the same time as jordy, both pulling out a slip.

"how did you guys come up with the name cloud 9?" jordy read from his slip.

"stockholm syndrome," you said simply, getting a little laugh from jordy and some staff before he spoke up to explain.

"we were unofficially going by seven heavens before y/n and dex came along. we had just dropped music under our own names before but we couldn't really do that if we were going to do a group album so we needed a name."

"we were just producing a song each for the album," you spoke up to clarify. "i decided to call our studio session 'on cloud nine' since it fit with the theme of the group and there were nine of us working together."

"then we realized y/n and dex were geniuses and we asked them to produce the whole album," jordy chimed in with a smile. "they had already put so much work into it, so we asked them to join the label and we dropped the album as cloud 9."

best decision i ever made, you thought to yourself, a smile playing on your lips. on cloud nine took ages to produce but the results were worth it. for you, it was more than the money and the charts. creating music was a labor of love and an extension of yourself. you helped create a piece of art that you loved and allowed others to love too. it was the greatest feeling in the world.

"next question is... how do you guys decide who collaborates on what and when you do it?" you read, shrugging your shoulders softly. "we just do it on a whim. covers, singles, eps, full albums, it doesn't matter. we still operate as a group but sometimes we wanna do our own separate projects. we're in charge of ourselves so we do what we want."

the rest of the questions were pretty tame, mostly asking about your music and your label mates. occasionally they got more personal, asking about your interests and families. you both answered with enthusiasm, joking around a little and keeping certain things private when you felt necessary or when you were contractually obligated to. can't go around spilling secrets about upcoming music and other projects.

you and jordy were actually working on an album but it hadn't been announced yet. that was why you two came together, as a way of hinting at it and getting ready for promotions to come. the album was nothing like what you both normally did in a lot of different ways. the sound, the aesthetic, all of it. it was an ambitious project and you were looking forward to seeing how it would be perceived.

you were just about done with the q&a, pulling out the last question from the bucket that jordy had then ceremoniously punted out of frame.

"who is your favorite vigilante? i don't know actually. i've never thought about it," you softly clicked your tongue with a pensive look.

"i like signal," jordy answered as you thought it over. "i saw him kick ass up close one time and he has a cool costume."

"i like nightwing's costume! uniform? whatever," you said with a confused shake of the head, not really sure what to call it. "the blue bird is cool. i personally enjoy the color blue, so he gets points for that. it's a sexy shade of blue."

that last part elicited some laughter from jordy. "is that some roundabout way of you saying nightwing turns you on?"

"it's a direct way of me saying i like the color blue," you corrected him. "but yeah, he looks like he'd be hot. it has no bearing on how i feel about the blue, though. two separate feelings."

"who else is there? you got batman and robin. red robin. uh..." jordy trailed off, trying to think.

"batgirl," you supplied, getting a nod from him. "orphan? right? and uh..."

"red hood!" jordy said with a smile. "that dude is cool as hell. i like his jacket."

"doesn't he shoot people?" the staff laughed again at your delivery of the question. clearly you were on a roll today.

"he doesn't have a hood, though," you realized, looking perplexed. "why is he red hood if he doesn't have a hood? why doesn't he just call himself... red helmet?"

"because that's fucking stupid," jordy said through his laugher, shoulder bouncing. that would have to be censored in post.

"he's fucking stupid."

that too.

the staff watched as the two of you managed to go off on this tangent that had nothing to do with the original question. one of the interns looked to the camera man, who looked equally intrigued and confused at where the conversation had gone. "do we... stop them? we're going over on time."

the camera man shrugged and the manager shook her head. "god, no. do not stop them. this is gold."

"he doesn't need a hood, y/n. it's just a name. nightwing doesn't have wings," he reminded you and you rolled your eyes, a subtle pout on your lips.

"yeah but the bird does. it's still on brand. just like batman. and robin. and red robin. and signal. and batgirl," you listed matter of factly.

"what about orphan? is she an orphan?" jordy asked you with attitude.

"probably, bitch. why else would she call herself that?" you said, the both of you riled up now, hence all the sudden cursing. you two kept it (mostly) clean up until this point. "red hood is the only one off brand."

"why are you being a hater right now?" jordy asked with lopsided grimace and you rolled your eyes. "you completely derailed the conversation."

"oh, i'm sorry. i didn't realize you were on his payroll."

"red hood doesn't need payola. he's cool by himself."

"why are you dick sucking red hood?"

"don't ever say that shit again," jordy said immediately, almost cutting you off at the end of your question.

he crossed his arms, looking annoyed as you looked into the camera with a blank expression. you were trying to fight it, but a tight lipped smile appeared on your face, making you look down and scratch the tip your nose lightly with your nail. then your ear. then back down to the side of your neck. your body shook with silent laughter when you glanced at him.

"i'm sorry," you said convincingly after having collected yourself in record time, just barely getting cut off by jordy again.

"no you're not."

"no i'm not," you shook your head, your facade dropping as quickly as it was put on. "you still haven't answered the-"

"i hope red hood shoots you," he told you seriously, giving you a blank look. your jaw dropped, a surprised noise that almost sounded like laughter came out of your mouth as you looked back at the camera. you knew that he was just playing around but it didn't change the fact that it outrageously juvenile.

it was silent. you and jordy knew this was just friendly bickering but the staff weren't too sure. you rubbed the inside of your cheek with your tongue, slowly dragging it over your teeth as you contemplated his words.

red hood wouldn't actually shoot you. right? he's a bit more morally gray from what you've heard about him but he wouldn't just shoot somebody for making a joke, would he? that seemed kind of ridiculous. overkill, if you will.

your eyes darted between jordy and the camera. back at him. then the camera. jordy again. your head jerked a little in his direction before fully turning to look at him.

"do you think he'd actually shoot me?" you asked quietly, looking at him with a smile on your face as your expressions quickly mirrored each other.

"i would," he told you and you laughed, looking at the camera again.

"mr. red hood, if you're watching his, m-my bad bro," you stuttered through yours and jordy's laughter. "i was just talking shit. please don't shoot me. i-if you don't i'll uh... i'll be your bard!"

"what the fuck?" jordy cried out, hiding his face in his hands as he laughed harder.

"i will write and sing about your adventures and conquests," you pleaded with the man who definitely wasn't going to see. you made a heart by lifting your arms up and having your fingers meet at the top of your head. it was really a waste of time in hindsight but you had to cover your bases just in case he did see it. getting shot was not on your bucket list. "please don't shoot me. seriously. i didn't meant it."

"that's all the questions we had," jordy's voice was pitchy from all the laughing. "i'm jordy."

"and i'm y/n," you smiled, doing a little dance as you stayed in your heart position before waving with jordy. "byeeee!"

...

you weren't entirely sure how long you had been standing there with the door open, letting all the cold air out of the fridge. you assumed it was too long since your nipples felt hard as rocks now, which only added a layer to how uncomfortable you felt. your stomach was touching your back at this point and that headache wasn't going anywhere. and now your nipples felt like they were going to fall off. you were pretty sure exhaustion was going to start claiming on you, too.

killing yourself seemed to be the only option and what you were thinking of doing was practically suicide. you wanted to go walk to the corner store that had the yogurt. your craving was too strong. you needed it and waiting for dex was not an option. there was nothing of substance in the fridge anyway. just drinks and snacks that weren't yours to eat.

a normal person could probably do it and not die. but you were in gotham and you were convinced that the moment you opened the door killer croc or one of the penguin's goons would be waiting for you.

taking the gun would be the smart thing to do but you didn't feel comfortable walking around with it. the feeling of cold steel against your skin was unsettling and the chance of it going off on you was even scarier. yes, you would have the safety on, but that wasn't enough to ease your mind. it felt like walking around with a bomb strapped to your chest. you didn't even wanna think about it dropping it or something while you were in the store. you were sure the ock wouldn't like that.

you grabbed your keys, slipping the wristband on. you had a little card holder and pepper spray hanging off the key ring. you also had a small switchblade for all your stabbing needs. you hadn't used it for murderous intent yet and you wanted to keep it that way.

i'll have red hood put me out of my misery, you thought morbidly to yourself. maybe jordy wishing death on you this morning was a blessing in disguise because you were progressively feeling more like shit with each passing moment.

you braced yourself for the crisp nighttime air and the dangers lurking around every corner before opening the door. it was dark, as expected. you had your hands stuffed in the pockets of your sweatpants. your right hand rested right on top of your phone carefully stashed away in the black polyester pocket.

your sense of direction was, to put it lightly, dog shit, and the pitch blackness of night wasn't helping. you had your airpods in with the gps telling you where to go. if it had a mind of its own, it would probably be judging you for needing to locate a building that was 5 minutes away. nevertheless, hearing the robo voice in your ears was oddly comforting.

the walk there wasn't that bad once you got to the area with all the traffic, illuminated with fluorescent lighting from the surrounding stores. it was the first time you felt comfortable under blinding white light.

you walked into the store quietly, beelining for the cold food section. you grabbed hot fries and sour skittles on your way over for dex, wanting to soften the blow for when you told him you left the studio by yourself. you spotted the salted caramel flavor through the condensation on the glass and you could already taste the creamy treat on your tongue. you smiled to yourself, grabbing the handle to the door when you heard the automatic door to the store open, accompanied by a chime.

"hey, man, what's going on?" you heard the voice of the cashier from behind you. you grabbed your yogurt and turned around, freezing in place when you saw who had entered.

red hood!

you could hear jordy's enthusiastic voice from this morning bounce around in your head like a pinball. the man you had been talking shit about earlier was right in front of you. jesus christ, was he there for you? how did he even find you? the video hadn't even dropped yet!

he must have felt your intense gaze burning a hole in the side of his head because he turned to face you. thankfully, you slid to the side, hiding behind the chips. he knew you were there and that you had been staring at him, even though he didn't catch you in the act. you attempting to hide yourself behind the buy two, get one free mini chip bags was slightly suspicious, but to be fair, he did just walk into a public place as red hood, so he let it go. turning back to salim, the cashier, he grabbed the bag of m&m's he had slid him.

he always paid for the things he picked out when he came to the store, but salim always gave him m&m's for free. red hood kept his store and community safe, so in salim's eyes, giving him candy that only cost a dollar anyway was nothing.

you started grabbing some other snacks, slowly weaving through the aisles as to not cause alarm to the huge man standing not to far from you. you knew he was big but fuck. he was built like a freight train. probably hit like one, too.

"anyone give you trouble tonight?" you heard a voice, his voice. it was distorted behind that mask... helmet... thing. it sounded robotic. was he actually a robot? like cyborg or something?

"nah, it's been quiet tonight," salim shook his head as the vigilante grabbed a little bag of cookies from the shelf behind him, setting it on the counter before asking for a carton of cigarettes. "i heard that jewelry store on bedford ave got hit though."

bedford avenue? your studio was on bedford avenue, tucked away from the main street. the store wasn't too far from it, either. you must have been so wrapped up in working that you didn't hear the commotion because it was definitely close enough for you to hear it.

"just came from there," the vigilante informed him, his robotic voice being both intriguing and off putting to you. he walked back over with the warm cup of liquid in his gloved hand, setting it on the counter next to the cookies.

must have just missed it then, you thought to yourself, if he just came from over there. lucky me.

"you alright, honey?" salim called out to you with familiar affection. he always treated everyone who came to his store with respect and like family. he was always very sweet to you and he felt a sense of pride knowing that he had both celebrities and vigilantes frequenting his store.

"don't tell me you're trying to rob me," he added on at the end, getting the attention of red hood. he wasn't sure if salim was being serious or not. it would confirm his suspicions about your weird behavior from earlier. it would be kind of ballsy to try something while he was standing there, though.

"uh... yeah. this is a stick up. give me everything you got," you said lamely, standing on your toes to peek at him over the shelf.

salim's rich laughter filled the store and he shook his head. "just checking," he said before redirecting his attention to red hood, who loosened up when he realized it was just banter between friends.

you realized the longer you spent in the store, the later it would get. you waddled your way over to the counter with your snacks in your arms a comfortable distance away from red hood, who set cash on the counter. he looked over at you again, making you shrink under his gaze. he was essentially faceless, which was a little unsettling, to say the least. he turned away, grabbing his things and moving out of your way.

you put all of your snacks on the counter, trying to ignore the man's presence. he wasn't doing anything but being intimidating.

"you here by yourself, honey?" concern laced salim's words as he rung up your snacks. "it's a little late, isn't it?"

"oh, uh, yeah," you nodded, pulling your card out to pay. "everyone else is at a party in maywood."

as red hood was walking out, his brow furrowed when he heard what you were talking about. maywood was where all the big social events took place. he had been out there a few times with bruce. not anyone could go to a party out there so...

"ah, one of those celebrity parties you all go to, huh?" salim grinned, giving you your bag of goodies. he still felt unsure about you being by yourself, though. "hey, red! you should walk her back home."

he was almost out the door when he heard salim call out to him. he turned, looking at the both of you. you felt awkward looking at him and you quickly shook your head.

"no, no, it's fine. the studio isn't far," you told him and salim firmly shook his head in protest.

"it's late. you shouldn't have even walked here to begin with," he scolded you a little. it was just out of concern, of course. "she's a big time celebrity, you know."

you frowned at salim's description of you. not being able to read red hood's expressions to gauge how he felt about this whole thing was frustrating, too. he was probably glaring daggers at you.

"i can take you," the robotic voice said. normally he wouldn't be escorting civilians around but he was done for the night and if you really weren't that far, it wouldn't kill him to walk you back to wherever you were headed. he was in a good mood, even if it didn't appear that way.

"see? let the man take you back," salim pushed and you complied, giving him a little nod. "you two stay safe out there! i don't need my favorite customers getting hurt."

you waved goodbye to salim, turning to see that red hood had already started walking off. you quickly shuffled your way out to follow behind him.

"where are we going?" he asked, not even giving you a glance as you both stood on the sidewalk.

"bedford," you said quietly and he turned to face you, his look of disbelief hidden under the mask. why the hell would you leave? you had to have left while the heist was still going on. no wonder salim asked him to take you home. clearly you had a death wish.

"lead the way," he said to you, trailing behind you as you listened to the gps tell you where to go. you hoped he didn't have supersonic hearing or something, because needing to use the gps was still kind of embarrassing.

you two walked in silence, the sound of your plastic bags and the ambient city noises being the only sounds ringing in your ears. you felt a little safer having red hood as your temporary bodyguard but you'd rather risk dying to avoid the awkward silence.

"so big time celebrity," red hood spoke up, startling you a little. you almost thought it was the gps talking to you. "what do you do?"

he knew you were feeling awkward and probably afraid walking with him. he wasn't trying to scare you, though. he figured talking to you would ease the tension a little.

"oh, uh... music," you said simply.

what a dry response. were you expecting him to carry the whole conversation? because he wasn't.

"why are you out here and not in maywood?" he asked, carrying the conversation anyway.

"the studio is here so i'm here."

"so you're working?"

"yeah."

you were not fun to talk to. he wasn't going to hold it against you though. he himself probably didn't come off as a guy who wanted to talk.

"do you shoot just anyone?" you asked suddenly.

well that was one hell of an icebreaker. did he just shoot anyone? where the hell did that come from? were you that afraid of him?

"no," he said, hoping you couldn't hear his smile in his words. it was such an odd question to ask. "why? you think i'm gonna shoot you or something?"

"are you?" you asked panicked, whipping around to face him.

he put his hands up in mock surrender, letting out a laugh this time. "relax. you haven't given me a reason to want to shoot you. or have you?"

"i hope not," you said honestly, turning back around to continue walking.

"i'm not going to shoot some innocent girl, let alone a famous one. it's a bad look," he explained to you, hoping the humor behind his voice would make you relax a little.

"why don't you wear a hood?" your line of questioning continued. "you're red hood but you don't wear a hood."

"why do you keep asking ridiculous questions?" he asked rhetorically before answering your question anyway. "a hood doesn't protect the face."

well, that made sense, actually. it looked like that helmet thing he wore was made of metal or something. much better protection than cotton. it was still off brand but you could respect it.

"what the hell are you wearing?" the man had exclaimed suddenly, making you furrow your brows and look back at him. his gaze was down at your feet. "how did i not notice those before?"

"clearly that stupid helmet obstructs your vision," you pouted, looking down at the cute bunnies that sat on the strip of your pink slides. "they're my slides."

"they're hideous," he told you seriously and you scoffed.

what an asshole. how dare he insult your babies like that? they were minding their fucking business, chilling on your feet. they didn't asked to be attacked like this.

"you're hideous," you retorted childishly. "my bunnies are cute, thank you very much."

"how am i hideous? you can't even see me," he reminded you, tapping on his helmet.

"your outfit is hideous. you look like... i don't know. ugly. your face is probably ugly, too," you huffed, crossing your arms.

you wished you could go back in time and not apologize for insulting him earlier. he deserved it.

"you wound me," he said sarcastically, placing a hand over his heart. "how will i recover?"

"give me your gun and let's find out," you said, holding out your hand jokingly before getting it swatted away by his.

okay, fine. he wasn't that bad. you were actually kind of enjoying the conversation and so was he.

"arrived," you heard in your ears, looking up and seeing the studio right before your eyes.

you had been so wrapped up in bantering with him that you forgot what you were doing in the first place: going back to the studio. you almost felt disappointed that you were about to go your separate ways. you had just gotten comfortable.

"this is the place," you said, gesturing up to the building. "thank you for walking me here."

"try to keep your late night excursions to a minimum."

and with that, he used his grappling hook and disappeared into the shadows of the night. creepy. kinda cool but mostly creepy.

you walked around back to the side door, letting yourself back into the studio and locking up immediately afterwards. another successful snack run. now all you had to do was wait for dex to get back.

...

it had been about two weeks since your encounter with the vigilante. jason had long forgotten about it. he had been at the manor, lingering around after a meeting in the cave with bruce and his brothers. he didn't like sticking around once business was taken care of but alfred offered to make him chili dogs. it was a calculated move to get him to stick around and it worked.

tim was lounging on the arm chair while dick and damian were both seated on the couch. jason stood off to the side, directing his attention to the television that sat above the fireplace. tim had been watching youtube videos all day and stumbled across a gotham insider q&a that had a clickbait-y title about vigilantes. naturally, he was intrigued and wanted to watch it with the rest of them.

"what am i looking at?" he asked, taking a bite of his chili dog.

"something hilarious. i've been waiting to show you guys all day," tim explained, grabbing the remote.

"i hope this isn't something juvenile, drake," damian chimed, resting his body against the arm of the couch.

"or gross," dick co-signed with a grimace. "we just ate."

"just shut up and watch," he sighed, unpausing the video.

jason felt a little tingle in the back of his mind at your face was on the screen. you looked familiar. he silently watched as you and jordy discussed your feelings about vigilantes. dick snorted when he heard your comment about nightwing. tim began to snicker in anticipating for the main event: the red hood argument.

as jason watched, everything made sense. you were that weird girl he walked home. that was why you asked him those stupid questions. he was a little annoyed at you calling him stupid and off brand but he had to admit the segment was funny. especially the part at the end where you were begging him not to shoot you. you seemed so much more relaxed and naturally funny than you did when he was with you that night. it almost gave him whiplash.

"you should shoot her. for good measure," damian told jason once the clip ended, making the older boy roll his eyes.

"nah. i can't shoot my bard," he smiled, making dick smile too. he had expected jason to be all grumpy about getting talked about but he seemed to be taking it fairly well. tim was kinda disappointed that jason didn't seem more bothered by it. he wanted to tease him a little.

"i think red hood payola is probably the funniest thing i've heard in awhile," dick said, laughing along with tim. even damian cracked a little smile.

jason walked back to the kitchen, recalling that night he ran into you now that he had seen the video, finally understanding why you were acting so strange.

his bard, huh? cute...

[dumbfuck-mojave]

Top 5 musicals Top 5 video games Top 5 video game characters

I got two other separate asks for the video game topics so I’ll just do my favorite musicals for this ones. Keep in mind, there are a lot of musicals I want to listen to and need to listen to fully (looking at Newsies) so these are the ones I have fully listened to atm. Also I’m adding gifs because why not. 

So, in no particular order, my top 5 musicals with a bit of reasoning. 

1. Falsettos (particularly the 2016 revival) 

I adore Falsettos more than words can say honestly. It’s funny, it’s sweet, it’s sad. Amazing characters and songs, it takes place during the 70′s-80′s and follows the events of,,,,, a lot. I definitely recommend giving it a watch, it’s even professionally recorded! At the time I’m posting this, there are a few very high quality bootlegs on youtube so don’t hesitate. 

(And at this moment my gif search freaked out when I accidently deleted my second gif so no more gifs I guess :( )

2. Grease

Obviously, a classic. Very good songs!! I also love the whole greaser aesthetic and the 50′s aesthetic as a whole so this is right up my alley. The characters are flawed and I think that really plays into the highschool vibe of the movie at least. 10/10 mad they took it off of Netflix. 

3. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

One of the only “horror” movies I can handle, I love the story and how dark it is. The movie is *chefs kiss* amazing. I don’t really know what to say honestly except for the movie is basically fucking Harry Potter with all the cast members. I like Anthony. 

4. Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812

Based on a excerpt from War and Peace, it’s a heartfelt musical with the audience interaction to match. Seriously, when this show was still running the used audience participation a lot throughout the show which I think is very cool. The songs gives you a certain feeling I can’t explain and Josh Groban so win-win. 

5. Hadestown

Both of the albums and amazing. It places a Greek myth into the era of the Great Depression. The vibes are immaculate. The cast has SUCH good vocals and the costume design and set design are wonderful. it pulled my myth loving ass in immediately. AND THE OG OFF-BROADWAY (???) ALBUM WAS RECORDED LIVE AND IT’S STUDIO QUALITY GUYS. 

Honorable mentions: Hamilton (love history) Heathers (traffic light gang ftw) Little Shop of Horrors (rock musical with evil plant how could you not be the least bit intrigued) Mean Girls, Wicked and the Percy Jackson musical. EDIT: I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME

[trashmagines]

You’re Awful, I Love You: Jason Todd x Female!Assassin!Reader

TrAshy Says: You guys can’t seem to get enough of Jason and neither can I tbh. Yes, this title is totally the name of a LUDO album. It’s a not a song fic but while you’re reading it might be fun to listen to Love Me Dead ;) Also, let it be known that I don’t know shit about guns, but I tried. We cool? We cool. <3

Warnings: Reader has killed people, guns, some violence, alcohol mention, one drunk dude, long as fuck (to me anyway)

You watch through the end of your scope as the Bat effortlessly takes down yet another armed thug. As far as you can tell, Gotham is one big cesspool that Batman is just trying to clean up. You’re almost, almost sad it has to be this way; that you have him as a target. Nevertheless, money talks, and you’re being paid well to do a job, not get emotional. 

Batman finishes off the last of his adversaries, his back facing you. At this point he’s practically begging you to take the shot, and you’re about to when you’re suddenly thrown to the ground face first. A swift kick to your torso knocks the wind out of you, and you feel a large weight settle on your lower back.

“Don’t struggle; I’d hate to have to mess up such a beautiful face.”

Robin. How the fuck did you forget about Robin? You feel some kind of tie enclose around your wrists while you’re mentally chastising yourself for not factoring in boy wonder, and the sensation makes you groan internally. A pair of boots enter your field of vision, and you look up to meet the eyes of the man in the Batsuit. Great. 

They haul you off to what you assume is the Batcave; Batman leading you to an interrogation room like the prisoner you currently are, and Robin dropping off your equipment before joining you both. Under the intense fluorescent lighting, they can see just how young you appear to be, a fact that seems to trouble Batman by the look in his eyes. He asks the standard questions: who are you, who hired you, and why would you do this? Your exasperated sighs and eye rolls are his only answers; like you’re really going to tell him any of that. 

Unfortunately, some state-of-the-art facial recognition technology exposes a good chunk of your history, including your name. You’re an assassin, bounty-hunter, murderer-for-hire; if it has to do with capturing, killing, and money, you’ve probably dabbled in it. Batman rapidly scans your extensive rap-sheet while Robin eyes you with the cockiest smirk you’ve ever seen on a person. God, you can’t decide if you want to kiss him or choke him out. 

“I’d like to make you a deal, Y/N.” “A deal? You’re aware that I was this close to murdering you, right?” “I know, but you didn’t.” “Yeah, your sidekick showed up.”  “You had ample opportunities before that. I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’d been watching me for some time. You most likely had plenty of openings; shots you could have taken but didn’t.” “I was waiting for the perfect moment and got interrupted.”

You’re lying. Batman knows it, Robin knows it, and you know it. Sure, you were about to shoot before Robin intervened, but Batman was right, you’d had plenty of openings beforehand and hadn’t utilized any of them. 

“From this list of confirmed kills, I can tell you usually only go after the worst of the worst. Someone most likely offered you an amount of money you couldn’t refuse, so you took this assignment. You don’t seem like a bad person, Y/N, and I think you could be a valuable asset to me.” “Are you... offering me a job?” “That’s exactly what I’m doing. In exchange for becoming one of the good guys, I won’t throw you in Arkham for trying to kill me. Do we have a deal?”  “...Deal.” 

Six months later 

“You’ve got to stop drawing your gun on me when I come into your room!” “Then stop sneaking in through the fucking window and use the door! We live in the same mansion Jason, it makes no sense!” 

You lowered your shotgun and glared at the messy haired boy standing in front of you. You were getting ready for bed when he oh so graciously decided to drop in unannounced again, prompting you to grab your emergency weapon. He didn’t notice the look on your face as his eyes were too busy roaming your uncovered legs. 

“Jason,” you huff, pinching the bridge of your nose. “What do you want?” “Oh, Bruce wants us to do some undercover work together.” 

It was then you noticed the manila folder he was holding. You took it from him and rapidly scanned through the information. Apparently the police department was holding an appreciation dinner, because that’s really what Gotham city needs right now, and you and Jason were to go and pose as a couple for extra protection. 

“What dipshit decided having a bunch of cops in the same place was a good idea?” “Don’t know. But it’s tomorrow night so I’ll pick you up at six.”

That stupid smirk you’d grown fond of was plastered on Jason’s face and you shoved him towards your door with a loud proclamation of ‘Good night, Jason.’ He took the hint and left, shutting you door softly behind him. It had been a little over six months since you’d tried to fulfill the hit on Bruce, and though you could say your life was better, adapting to the high standards Bruce had was difficult. Even though beating and occasionally maiming was okay, he had a strict no killing policy that you constantly struggled with. Still your combat skills, which were already well developed when you’d first met, were steadily increasing and you were quite handy when it came to finding intelligence on the latest criminal schemes. You couldn’t exactly say you were “one of the good guys”, but having a consistent place to lay your head and stable income were two major pluses of your new life.

The following day, Jason was at your door at six sharp, dressed in what he liked to call a monkey suit. You did one last mirror check before opening your door, Jason’s mouth involuntarily falling open as you did. You were wearing in a knee length black dress that had a deep V neckline and lace cap sleeves. Your black suede pumps clacked against the floor as you walked past him, simply wanting to get this protection detail over with. 

The ride to the banquet hall was quiet; your eyes scanning the city outside of the window and Jason’s eyes scanning you. When you reached your destination, you both went over your cover story before exiting the car. Bruce had eyes on the situation through cameras that had been stealthily placed in advance. Jason took your hand and led you into the building, already not liking the way all eyes fell on you as you entered. He led you to the bar so that you both could pretend to talk and determine if there were any threats present. 

You had been at the bar for about an hour and a half, Jason leaving your side about thirty minutes in to mingle and blend with the crowd as best he could. There had been no suspicious activity during that time and you almost wished something would happen so you wouldn’t have to hear anymore ‘pat-me-on-the-back-I’m-so-great’ speeches. 

“Hey, beautiful.”

Be careful what you wish for. 

You turn to look at the man that has just taken the seat on your left. You recognize him as one of the pricks that droned about how much he was helping make the city a better place despite never having actually done anything. He smells like he just took a bath in Budlight and you have to stop yourself from recoiling.

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing sitting here all alone?”

Oh. He’s bold. 

“I’m not alone, I’m with my boyfriend.” 

Right on cue, Jason slides an arm around your waist and lightly kisses your cheek. You know you’re supposed to be pretending, but you can’t deny that you’re enjoying the faux affection. 

“Everything okay, babe?”  “Mhm. Just making light conversation.” 

Budlight man looks like he’s trying to set Jason ablaze with his stare, but then he turns back to you, his hand itching closer to the one you have resting on the bar. 

“Wouldn’t you rather be with a man than with a boy?”

Oh. He’s BOLD bold. 

The arm that’s around your waist tightens reflexively, and when you face Jason you see a glint in his eye. He wants to break this guy’s neck almost as much as you want to, but you have a much better idea in mind.

You turn the bar stool so that your whole body is facing Jason, uncross your legs, and pull him to you so that you can kiss him hard. He responds immediately, hands coasting down your sides before gripping your hips and pushing your bodies closer together. He kisses you breathless, his tongue exploring your mouth and battling yours for dominance. He knows that you’re letting him kiss you like this, and that shift of power makes him groan against your lips. You pull away smiling and then return your attention to the man that had been hitting on you. He looks beyond pissed and a tad embarrassed and you revel in it.

“Does that answer your question?” 

Budlight man stalks away, probably mumbling some derogatory comment about you since he couldn’t have what he wanted. You look back at Jason and when your eyes meet, you notice that his pupils are blown wide. 

“You know that was purely for the sake of our cover, right?” “Mhm.” “Good.” 

You adjust your dress since Jason’s grabby hands had caused it to wrinkle, before turning your attention to all the inebriated cops you’re now basically babysitting. Jason’s standing on your right side, a hand comfortably resting just above your left hip. He leans in close to you, close enough for you to feel his warm breath hitting your neck. 

“You know that when we get home, I’m going to be the one that’s taking off your dress, right?”

You bite your lip at his declaration, ideas of how your night could play out already forming in your mind. 

“We’ll see.”

[protecticarus]

hello! a prompt: would u be able to write an au set just after todd dropped out of college, where his parents hire dirk as like a carer of some sort for todd's pararibulitis?? and dirk is like fresh-ish out of blackwing and kind of a disaster trying to get a life together, and whether todd has it for reals first time round is up to you but idk I'd love to see something like this!! thank u sm and love ur work!!

I like this! this ended up focusing much more on todd than dirk, but I did drop some angsty blackwing references in there because, well... I’m me.

& thank you so much for reading & liking xx

~

“A… what? You got me a what?” Todd stuttered into his phone.

“A caretaker!” His mother’s excited voice came through the phone.

“I’m- is that really necessary though? I’ve been doing fine on my own.” Todd assured her.

“Oh honey, I know, but I just feel terrible not being able to be there for you and you didn’t want to move back home, so… I’d feel so much better knowing you’re being taken care of!” His mother replied.

Todd squeezed his eyes shut and wished for a miracle to get him out of this. But he knew his mother well enough.

“Mom… I appreciate it but you’ve done enough-“ He tried to argue one more time.

“Todd, please, for me?” His mother interrupted.

Todd sighed. She knew what she was doing.

“I… Okay.” He finally caved.

“Okay?” His mother confirmed.

“Yes, okay. I’ll… meet with this caretaker person. See if it’s a fit.” Todd mumbled.

“Oh, honey, I already hired him.” His mother piped in.

“You- what!? And him?” Todd exclaimed.

“Yes, Todd, I hired a nice sounding young man to take care of you.” His mother explained.

Todd covered his phone’s microphone and kicked his couch. His plan had been to push off setting a meeting and if he had to, meet this person but tell his mother it wasn’t a fit. It was a bit more difficult now that his mother had already agreed to pay this… ‘young man.’

“Shouldn’t you have waited for me to sign off on this? Mom, I’m the one he’s gonna… take care off.” Todd finally said through gritted teeth, cringing at the idea of a strange man having to take care of him.

“I’m sorry, honey, I just want what’s best for you, you know that. This disease is difficult, I only want you to have the best life possible.” His mother replied. Todd could tell she was getting emotional.

“I know, mom… I’m sorry. I’ll… I’ll try.” He said quietly.

“Oh, that’s wonderful, Todd!” His mother celebrated.

Todd sighed again. “Yeah… so, when’s this guy starting then?”

-

Next monday, the doorbell rang for the first time in months.

Todd took a deep breath and rolled his eyes before going to open the door. This was going to be a long day.

Todd had no intention of having this man in his house for longer than a day, but he knew he had to suffer through at least 24 hours. For his mother.

As soon as Todd pulled the door open, he heard a cheery British accent greet him.

“Hello! Are you Todd? I certainly hope so. I am terrible with maps, though, so I’m only 50% sure.”

Todd took a moment to take in what was in front of him.

This guy couldn’t be older than 22 or 23. He had floppy auburn hair and a smile that was way too big for a first day at a job, yet it didn’t seem out of place on his face. He was wearing an obnoxiously bright turquoise jacket. His hand was raised in a wave. Not a handshake, a wave.

Todd cleared his throat. “Uh… yeah, I’m Todd. I’m guessing you’re Dirk?”

The Brit’s eyes lit up at the mention of his name, like it was the first time he heard his name said out loud.

“Yes! That is me. I’m Dirk. Gently. Dirk Gently. That’s my name.”

Todd blinked a couple of times. “Right… so, you wanna come in or?”

Dirk jumped into motion. “Yes, I do!” He replied and stomped past Todd into the apartment.

“So, my mom says you don’t have previous experience as a caretaker?” Todd said, already listing reasons to tell his mother this arrangement didn’t work out.

“Oh, yes, or no, I suppose, but I’m very eager to learn! All I’ve wanted to do is help people. And you’re people. As far as I know!” Dirk replied.

Todd found himself taken aback by Dirk’s… eccentric energy every time he opened his mouth.

“Yeah. Okay.” Todd mumbled as a response. “I don’t really need much help, though. I’m fine on my own.”

Dirk smiled. “Well, your mother said otherwise.”

Todd sighed. “Yeah, well, you know moms. They worry.”

Something changed in Dirk’s demeanor and for a moment he looked… almost sad, but before Todd could analyze much, the cheery disposition was back.

“Well, your mother filled me in on this pararibulitis business but I have to say I’ve never heard of it before! Is there something you want me to help you with especially?” Dirk asked as he picked up several of Todd’s items from the coffee table to inspect.

Todd sighed. This was going to be a long day.

-

At the end of the day, Todd laid in his bed, going over the events of the day. Somehow… he hadn’t told Dirk to leave.

He had absolutely meant to. It was on the tip of his tongue. Yet… Dirk Gently was currently sleeping in his guest room.

Dirk had just… talked and talked and suddenly it was late and by the time Todd was ready to tell Dirk to leave, Dirk had asked if he needed anything and when Todd said no, Dirk retired to the guest room.

Seemed like getting rid of Dirk Gently was going to be harder than Todd had thought.

-

A week after Dirk had moved in, Todd started to accept that he had a roommate. Dirk was just always going to be there now.

Todd would tell him to go shop for groceries so he could have some time to himself, and Dirk would be gone for 20 minutes and then sit next to Todd as he played the guitar and talk his ear off.

Dirk asked more questions than anyone Todd had ever met. At times, Todd felt like he was being interviewed. In the beginning, Todd assumed his mother had asked Dirk to ask things and report back to her, but already towards the end of the first night it became clear to Todd that Dirk was just nosy.

Dirk also had significant lacks in common knowledge. He’d seen an AC/DC album and asked what band had an album about learning the alphabet. He’d pointed out Gandalf from a Lord of the Rings ad on tv and asked if he was a famous celebrity.

The most strange thing about Dirk though? Sometimes he would answer a question Todd had yet to ask out loud. Or bring Todd his phone about 5 seconds before it started ringing. Or tell Todd to take his food out of the microwave before the bell went off and it would be the perfect temperature.

Todd wondered if he was in a hidden camera show, but a week seemed like a long prank to play.

-

On the 9th day of Dirk working for Todd, Dirk asked the question Todd had been dreading the whole time.

“How come I’ve never witnessed an attack?”

Todd flinched at the question. “W-what do you mean?”

Dirk sat up straighter on the couch next to Todd. “Well, you said pararibulitis causes you to have painful attacks with hallucinations, right? I’ve been here for 9 days but I’ve never seen you have one. Your mother said they’d gotten so bad you got them daily, that’s why you dropped out of college, right? I’m just wondering, how have I not seen one?” He rambled.

Todd swallowed awkwardly. “I-I don’t know, dude. I guess they happen mostly at night.”

“But then how would they affect you in college?” Dirk asked.

Todd mentally facepalmed. “I, uh, I mean they used to happen more during the days. Now it’s nights.” He tried to explain himself out of this situation.

“I see.” Dirk replied. He seemed genuinely understanding, but Todd feared he suspected something.

“I’m your caretaker, correct?” Dirk then asked.

“Uh… yeah?” Todd replied.

“So, if you have an attack at night, you should wake me. To help you. It’s my job, right?” Dirk said and smiled.

Todd felt terrible. He already hated lying to his family, which is why he avoided them if he could. Now there was this guy living with him just to help him and he started to feel guilty for lying to him too.

“That’s… nice, thanks. But I’m fine.” Todd replied quietly and turned his eyes toward the tv again.

Dirk let the subject go and Todd was grateful.

-

On day 16, Todd’s guilt was starting to really gnaw at him. Dirk’s strange quirks had grown on Todd. Sure, he still rolled his eyes at 90% of the things coming out of Dirk’s mouth, but it didn’t annoy him anymore. He was starting to like Dirk’s company. Which made it so much worse.

That night, Todd suggested they have a drink together.

A drink turned into 8 for Todd. Sooner than Todd would have liked, he was drunk.

Dirk had had a beer and a half and was giggling like a schoolgirl.

They chatted about whatever popped into their heads as they drank, sitting on the kitchen floor, where Dirk had fallen, tripping over his own feet. Instead of helping him up, Todd simply joined him.

Todd couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed this much.

“So, you’re from England, eh?” Todd said in a terrible English accent he would’ve been embarrassed by had he not been tipsy.

Dirk cackled at this. “That was horrendous! And yes.”

“So why did you come to the States?” Todd asked.

Color drained out of Dirk’s face and he seemed to sober up before Todd’s eyes.

“Woah, dude, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want. Just tell me to fuck off.” Todd said after Dirk had failed to say anything for a while.

Dirk let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. “Sorry. I’m not going to tell you to… do that, but I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Sure.” Todd raised up his hands as a sign of surrender. “How ‘bout you say something now.” He added.

Dirk laughed. “Alright… Can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.” Todd replied and took a sip of his 8th beer.

“Why are you pretending to have pararibulitis?” Dirk asked.

The room went completely quiet. Todd froze mid-sip. Dirk waited paitently.

“That’s… a big accusation.” Todd replied.

“Sorry, I’ve just noticed-“ Dirk began to explain.

“I mean, you’re supposed to be taking care of me, right? What kinda training did you go through that makes you think that’s an okay thing to ask?” Todd snapped.

Dirk looked taken aback. “I’m sorry, Todd, I’m simply trying to understand-“

“Well it’s none of your fucking business!” Todd exclaimed and tried to get off the kitchen floor.

“Todd-“

“Get out of my apartment!” Todd screamed. He heard his own voice and cringed, knowing he was overreacting but unable to stop himself.

Dirk looked hurt. Like a child. He took a deep breath and got up.

“I’m sorry, Todd.” He said.

Todd looked away from him.

He heard Dirk sniffle, followed by receding steps and the front door opening and closing.

Todd was alone again.

-

The next morning, Todd felt like shit.

And hangover was the least of his worries.

-

Two days later, his mother called him.

“What happened, honey? I thought you were getting along!” She asked.

“Dirk didn’t tell you?” Todd asked back, surprised, having fully expected Dirk to call his mother and let her in on what he’d found out.

“No, he just said you told him to leave. Why, Todd? Why?” She replied, obviously disappointed but trying to appear symphatetic.

Todd sighed. “I don’t need help, mom.”

“Todd…”

“I know, mom.”

-

4 days after Todd had kicked Dirk out, he wrote several text messages to Dirk but deleted all of them before hitting send on any.

-

The next day, Dirk showed up.

Todd answered the doorbell, just out of bed and well confused as to who would be at his door.

From the other side of the door, a familiar Brit greeted him with a careful smile. He was wearing a bright yellow jacket Todd hadn’t seen before and his hair was a mess.

“Dirk?” Todd asked, surprised to see his former… what? Fake caretaker? Roommate? Friend?

“Hello.” Dirk carefully said. “I felt… like you needed to talk.”

“You… you felt like I needed to talk… to you?” Todd repeated.

“Yes.” Dirk simply answered. “Don’t you?”

Todd thought for a moment, then stepped aside to let Dirk in.

“Look, Dirk… I’m sorry. I didn’t… I shouldn’t have…” Todd tried to apologize.

Dirk lifted his hand to stop him. “It’s alright, Todd. I shouldn’t have said what I said.”

“No, no, that’s the thing… You were right.” Todd said. He felt a wave of anxiety and something else wash over him. Relief? He’d never admitted to lying about his illness. To anyone. In over a year.

“I know.” Dirk replied.

Todd was taken aback. “You- you do?”

“Yes, of course.”

“So… why are you sorry?” Todd asked.

“Because I should’ve waited for you to tell me instead of confronting you like that.” Dirk explained.

Todd let out a light laugh. “I lied to you… and everyone else and you knew… but you’re sorry for calling me out on it?” He asked.

“…Yes?” Dirk replied.

Todd laughed and covered his face with his hands. “I’m an asshole.”

“You’re not an-“

“Yeah, I really am. Such an asshole. And you know who’s not? My mom. And dad. And my little sister. And you. And what do I do? Lie my ass off and make all of your lives harder. My parents had to get a loan to finance their AND my lives. My sister’s so worried about me every fucking day and she’s a teenager for fuck’s sake! She should be out partying or whatever. And you? You’ve been nothing but nice to me and dedicated every day to running my fucking errands for me when I could’ve done it all myself. That is the definition of an asshole.” Todd rambled. He went to sit on the couch, hanging his face down and resting it on his clammy hands.

Dirk didn’t reply for a moment.

Then he sat down next to Todd.

“So, you’re not perfect.” Dirk said.

Todd let out a mocking laugh. “No shit.”

Dirk laughed too. “But you know what you can be?” He asked.

Todd looked up at him. “What?”

Dirk smiled. “Better.”

Todd stared at him for a long moment. “What do you mean?” He finally said.

“You can be better. Do better. Being an arsehole… it’s not like being a werewolf, is it? You have a choice to be better. Stop making excuses for your excuses.” Dirk explained.

Todd thought about it for a moment. The thought of telling his parents he’d been lying to them for over a year? His little sister, who looked up to him? The thought alone made him nauseous. But… he couldn’t deny that Dirk had a point. It’s not like he wanted to be an asshole. It’s not like screwing up everyone else’s lives bought him some kind of weird, perverted joy. He did have a choice. He’d always had a choice. Up until now he’d just made the wrong ones, one after the other.

But maybe… just maybe it was time to make the right one. Even if it was going to hurt like hell.

“You’re right.” Todd said. “Of course you’re right.”

Dirk beamed. “I wish more people saw that.”

Todd laughed. Then he took a deep breath.

“Hey… where are you staying now?” He asked.

Dirk furrowed his brows. “A motel nearby. Why?”

Todd smiled. “Well… I have a guest room and I’m guessing I’m gonna have to start paying my own rent soon, so… You want a roommate? Even if he’s a bit of an asshole?” He asked.

Dirk’s eyes lit up like damn Christmas trees. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Todd assured.

“But you don’t actually need my help?” Dirk questioned.

Todd looked at his new, strange friend and smiled. “Actually… I think I really do.”

~

thanks for reading! if you have any ideas for fics, feel free to send me prompts! my inbox is always open! x

[thesinglesjukebox]

LADY GAGA - STUPID LOVE

[6.42]

Far from "Shallow" now...

Brad Shoup: Thudding sixteenths and vocal chop straight out of a Todd Edwards remix... it's always great when she visits. [8]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: It must be exhausting to be Lady Gaga. Here's a short list of her accomplishments since 2013's ARTPOP: winning a Grammy for a jazz duets album, winning a Golden Globe for her role in American Horror Story, headlining the Super Bowl, co-hosting arguably the best Met Gala in years, winning an Oscar for A Star is Born, getting a number one Billboard single from the soundtrack, launching a vegan make-up line, and starring in a Las Vegas residency. And yet, the dominant critical narrative has still essentially been: Gaga is absent from pop music. (For comparison, Katy Perry has been a judge on American Idol.) Of course, her self-mythologizing is partially to blame for this, but it's unclear what could have possibly satisfied her critics and die-hard fans outside of re-reinventing music à la 2010. So what's her move given the weight of the world's impossible expectations? To make simple, unpretentious pop music on her own terms. In a recent Billboard interview, she laughed while stating, "I would like to put out music that a big chunk of the world will hear, and it will become a part of their daily lives, and make them happy every single day." My first reaction upon reading this was: yes, we should hold Gaga to a higher standard because she's Gaga, but how can we balance that with the potentially damaging effects for her mental health and sanity? So on "Stupid Love" when she sings, "Now it's time to free me from this chain/I gotta find that peace, is it too late?" I like to hope it's meta-commentary on her rediscovering the joy in her music and being, free of expectation. Gaga tracks are often described as "huge" or "epic", but none has ever so perfectly embodied "fun." I'm definitely excited about how this track sounds -- an ebullient return to her earliest disco pop roots, at a time when radio is dominated by trap -- but "Stupid Love" stands out to me because of her embrace of radical self-love. This is the Gaga that I've always loved -- and she's always been enough. [9]

Leah Isobel: The production filters back an entire decade's worth of Stefani's influence into a three-minute Fruit Gusher burst of tang, but the lyrics are decidedly forward-looking, all declarative statements of "now is the time!" bullshit. In the middle of this past/present/future time-play, as the beat drops out beneath her, she asserts the key line: "all I ever wanted was lahv." If it's a disappointingly shallow retcon for an artist whose initial breadth and ambition was the entire point, the promise of it lingers in my brain. After all, it's not too far from a similar pop megalomaniac realizing that she "traded fame for love without a second thought" about 20 years ago. That rich vein of popstar self-examination writ large is so suited to Gaga's talents as an artist -- a provocateur, fake-deep philosopher, musical theatre nerd, and hook-writing master all at once -- that I have listened to this song five times in a row pretty much every single day since it, uh, appeared on the internet. My paws are reluctantly up, Stef. Don't fuck it up. [7]

Jessica Doyle: Fun, and otherwise unremarkable. If you've been a Gaga fan for a while -- if you're invested in the narrative of this hardworking woman, who has been through downs and ups and downs and then ups again -- I imagine the fun is enhanced by a certain comfort and relief in seeing her have fun; in imagining her feeling strong and secure enough to release a fun song that doesn't have to upend anything. But I am a heartless, acontextual consumer, for whom the marginal cost of listening to something else is zero, and I miss "Bad Romance." [5]

Tobi Tella: For an artist who at her peak overstuffed everything with too many ideas, there's really not much happening here. It's loud and upbeat, sure, but the lyrics are barely the thread of a coherent song, and the production reminds everyone who wants "pure" pop to come back to be careful what they wish for. Maybe that A Star is Born "pop music bad guitar music good" cynicism rubbed off too much? [4]

Katherine St Asaph: Just when I thought Gaga was lost to the land of Real Music™, or worse, flailing attempts to be chill by the least chill performer in pop music (yes, including Taylor Swift), she goes and releases this, 50,000 firecrackers on a Eurovision stage. The thicket of hooks is packed, with Black Midi levels of referential density. The whole thing sounds like "Born This Way," which is to say it sounds like "Express Yourself"; there's a juddering sequencer out of "Do What U Want" (reminds me more of "Weekend" by Class Actress, but which is more likely to be the actual inspiration?) and a touch of, of all things, September's "Cry For You." Gaga fills every crevice of the song with singing, throaty and belty and huge: a relief after years of songs filled only with half-assed #vibes. If it feels frivolous against much of Born This Way and The Fame Monster and some of Artpop, and far less ambitious, it at least pulls her out of the "Shallow" piano muck. [7]

Vikram Joseph: Perhaps a stupid song about making stupid choices is the Lady Gaga lead single we both need and deserve in 2020. The battering-ram synths feel like running down a hill into a gale-force wind; the best thing about "Stupid Love" is that Gaga sounds like she's having a lot of fun, and by extension so are we. [7]

Alex Clifton: "Stupid Love," much like "Born This Way" before it, is ready-made for pride parades, grown from the same mystical lab that gave Lady Gaga her incredible melodic sensibilities. Unlike its predecessor, though, it has more euphoria in it, presumably because it's not making a political point. Gaga's more focused on having fun here, and you can tell. The verses aren't my favourite, but the chorus hits as an overwhelming rush of dopamine, and now I can't stop dancing in my computer chair. Between this and Dua Lipa's album, we're in for a hell of a good time for pop music this spring, and I am extremely excited. [7]

Thomas Inskeep: She was doing this better a decade ago. A lot better. [2]

Joshua Lu: The narrative surrounding "Stupid Love" regards it a return to the Pop Gaga that's been mostly absent since 2013: A revival if you're a fan, a regression if you're not. The issue with this narrative is that "Stupid Love" lacks any key similarities to the Gaga of yesteryear; the only real sonic link is how the bassline brings to mind the since-redacted "Do What U Want" beat. Instead we have something that's somehow not a Kygo song, with vocal chirps that got old last year, serviceable but clichéd hooks (the entire pre-chorus has all the charm of a Taio Cruz album track), remarkably basic lyrics filled with platitudes, and a title that has no bearing on anything in the song -- there's nothing lyrically or aurally stupid about anything here, and Gaga has shown a deep capacity to be stupid in her past pop works. In reality, what we have here isn't a return to anything, but rather the continued flagging of Gaga's desire to develop genuinely off-beat or interesting pop music, whether intentional or not. Gaga's talents as a vocalist elevate the song beyond the usual pop pap, but it's not nearly at the level I once hoped she could remain at. [6]

Alfred Soto: Kudos to Jamieson Cox for catching an obvious forebear: the rattling sequencer recalls 2013's forgotten "Do What U Want," which was all set to do some business until radio programmers remembered R. Kelly had been a menace for years. Amiably confusing lack of affect with simplicity, "Stupid Love" flexes its pop strength with the expectation that fans will admire it. [7]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: The synths pack a punch but they never quite get me to where I should be. I wanna feel desperation, exasperation -- that love is worth looking stupid for. All I get is a familiar, quasi-stoic performance that sounds like Gaga's doing some excellent karaoke. [4]

Kayla Beardslee: Sure, it's competent, but Gaga is capable of so much more. Many other blurbs will discuss the song's aggressive datedness and bland lyrics, but what really bothers me is that the two halves of "Stupid Love" -- the dramatic vocals and the unrelenting gallop of the synths -- don't fit together. Gaga is giving her all with those signature "laahv"s, but there's just not enough empty space left for her in the production. Her performance ends up laying flat on top of the track, adding nothing except a sense of laziness from her producers and engineers. [5]

Pedro João Santos: Serviceable Max Martin bopathon scams its way into my brain again -- no matter how direly in need of an incubator this whole structure is. Gaga's weakest lead single feeds you Kygo, threatens to ascend during "All I ever wanted was love", and still can't fight the aura of afterthought. [6]

Jibril Yassin: "Stupid Love" is a giddy rush of EDM-pop fun, but it's the first time experiencing a major Gaga single entirely devoid of surprises. Bracing yourself for a twist that never arrives or a strange turn of vocals rearing its head from nowhere, "Stupid Love" makes up for its unremarkableness with a masterclass in songwriting. What Lady Gaga hasn't forgotten how to do is translate the feeling of having your initial gut feelings completely validated. "Stupid Love" makes its magic in casting the act of love as necessary and dare I say it -- radical. [7]

Jackie Powell: On "Stupid Love" Lady Gaga achieved a corollary. By trying to put her healing process into simple poetry, she also created an accompanying sound that's comparable to an analgesic. The function of the track is to heal and liberate. (Truth be told, Little Monster or not, the song has helped me get out of bed in the morning.) Gaga's latest cut is packaged into a familiar formula, and that's part of the reason why this track serves as a formidable lead single and symbol for the upcoming Chromatica. The equation is one that mirrors the "best of" Stefani Germanotta. What's brilliant about "Stupid Love" is that its visual and lyrical messaging and surrounding sonic arrangement and melody bring what Little Monsters and casual music fans with a Gaga fascination expect. And that's okay. She has told Oprah that her goal now isn't just to shock people but rather to exude authenticity. She stirs elements from all of her pop eras into the most hearty and flavourful version of Gaga soup (and that does include Joanne contrary to popular belief.) Each ingredient works and is soluble. She tossed in the elements of the The Fame that made fans want to Just Dance and sprinkled some catchy Swedish-sounding pop melodies (Max Martin, hello!) and sung onomatopoeia from The Fame Monster, à la the "hey-ah, hey-ahs." A suspenseful build, uniquely potent and soaring vocals are ounces of Born This Way. Don't worry, ARTPOP is doused on this track not only in color, but in sound. There's a reason why that sped up "Do What U Want"-esque bassline works. There's a contrast between her bright vocal performance and the electronic bass' darkness. Joanne comes across in the allegorical concept which once again can be interpreted to reflect the current American experience. Music video director Daniel Askill confirmed that Gaga wanted to portray the "warring tribes as a metaphor for the state of the world today." So, Mother Monster is on a mission to introduce the world to her new brainchild, ever-developing ideologies and honest ways to examine life. "Stupid Love" isn't the end-all but merely the beginning. Paws up and welcome to Chromatica bitches. [8]

Nortey Dowuona: NOPE! WAIT. wait. This is actually a welcome back for... the bass, who is joined by his drumming sister, his synth bros and Lady Gaga, who has come here from the Make A Wish Foundation to take him around New York. They have a wonderful day together, with the synth bros getting their percussive background vocal girlfriend an NYPD hoodie, and the experience convinces Lady Gaga to make bright, happy pop music again! (The bass, in the midst of a happy dance, got hit by her limo and had to go back to the hospital.) [8]

Scott Mildenhall: Between its hyperventilating over-excitement and ever-exciting hyper-sincerity, Gaga seems to have finally created a pop emergency. The false alarm of "Applause" was overstuffed and underpowered, but "Stupid Love" redresses that balance by going harder and clearer, like a newly thawed cut from a cryogenically frozen, course-correcting Artpop Monster edition. Time might seem to have turned in on itself, but no: the greater lyrical directness arrives in a way that feels culminatory. The plainspokenness of that indelible "all I ever wanted was love" makes it almost an epitaph, grounding it in a present in which all experience has been lived, and all realisations are realised. Undeniably, Lady Gaga is not dead, but this is what she knows. [8]

Will Adams: I defended "The Cure" and lamented the immense pressure on Gaga to make every release the Next Big Thing, however even that soured when it turned out to be part of A Star Is Born's ~superficial pop~ world. So where to next, when she's caught between turgid rock balladry and ill-fitting trop-pop? On "Stupid Love," we get the best possible outcome: whizzing past Joanne, making a brief stop at Artpop but ultimately landing on the dazzling excess of Born This Way. Like any good synthpop number, the synths display a wide range of textures: they tunnel, they drill, they poof, they gleam. Gaga is more than willing to match their energy. Noteworthy, though, is that she takes a brief pause only on the pre-chorus's "all I ever wanted was love"; even the way the title scans it almost sounds like she could be singing "I want just to be loved." This is the essence of pop: amidst the big dumb fireworks display, a human message at the core. [7]

[aescapisms]

disconneted [2]

pairing: sebastian stan x reader [?]

wordcount:3,206

warning: language?

a/n: hello. 

taglist: @berruneko09 @vechkinfan @ria132love @haha-barnes

message me if u wanna be included in the taglist :)

“So, what’s your story?” You asked him when you guys were sitting on the couch, the television providing you both with the background noise

“Oh, business, which is why sometimes I go away for a long period of time.”

“You mean like an executive secretary or something?” He smiled and muttered ‘Something like that.’ Then he turned the question around and asked about you. Not wanting to reveal what you really do in life to a stranger, but you didn’t want to lie either so you said you were a writer. “I write.”

“Like books?” You smiled at him and said yes, you weren’t lying. The lyrics that you write were on those little booklets that’s usually included in a CD. “Was that why you travel around? For inspiration?”

“Not really. The last time I traveled was just to visit my family.” He looked at you with his eyebrows raised, “I was raised here by my grandparents. They took me because my parents wanted them to. We didn’t have much growing up.”

You noticed his sad eyes, as if he knew how that felt. Maybe he did.  That’s when it really dawned on you that you don’t know anything about this man in front of you.  But even then, you trusted him. It was stupid. “Oh, same for me. I was from Romania, then we moved to Austria then here in New York.“  

You were about to ask him about his family but your phone rang. Ryan. “Sorry. My boss. I’m gonna have to take this call.” You excused yourself and went straight to your room. You didn’t want him to hear about the call, it was personal. And regarding your work.

“Hey, so are you back in New York? Because I have some demo I would want you to hear.”

“Hey, yeah. Ryan. Of course. I’m gonna swing by the studio at around 11 am. Just gonna take a shower and head over there alright?”

“Alright, that’s good because we really need to work on this right now.”

“I know, I know. I have some stuff here too. I’ve been writing back home and I want you to look over them see if its any good to be included in the album.”

“Alright. See you.”

You peeked out of your door to see if Sebastian was still sitting on the couch but he wasn’t. He probably left to go to his room. Gathering your clothes and a towel your went to the bathroom. Over the years of rush hours, you managed to figure out the fastest way to take a shower. Wet your whole body. Shampoo, let it sit. Soap (really quickly), brush your teeth and rinse. Your 10 minute shower routine has helped you get the most of your daylight hours.

“You leaving?” Sebastian asked when you stepped out of the bathroom. You nodded at him as you comb your hair, and made sure that a hair tie was on your wrist so that you can tie it up later when it dries.

“Yeah, need to leave for work. I’ll be getting groceries afterwards. I’ll see you later.” He nodded and wished you a safe trip.

The last thing you see before you went out the door was him looking at you, and you can’t help but think that if that’s the face that’ll be waiting for you every single day you’d be singing praises the rest of your damn life.

You thanked the taxi driver but he just glared at you in return. You shook your head, you really haven’t grasped the way people do things here. The bright neon lights welcomed you as soon as you entered the building. “Morning Todd!” You greeted at the security guard. He smiled back and reminded you to check in later since the IDs are gonna be delivered today. They decided to amp up the security around the building because of the incident involving a fan, a fake moustache and a trolley.  Just thinking about that day makes you laugh. It was really one of the best things that ever happened here in this building.

The whole day was spent with the four of you just bouncing ideas back and forth. You’ve always liked writing, ever since you were a little kid you’ve always written things your mother would always read it and tell you good job. From then on you’ve always thought you’d be a writer. But you were introduced to music in your high school years and that’s when your goals in life changed.

“So, we’ll start the recordings probably next week we’re gonna work on these songs, you should too. I’ll send you the recordings and you can send me yours.”

You nodded, “Sure. Well, I’ll see you guys tomorrow then?” They waved good bye you were on the way to the elevator when you decided to go back to ask them where the nearest supermarket was. You remembered saying that you’ll do groceries since there’s really nothing that you can cook in the apartment.

Turns out there was a supermarket near the apartment, so you told the taxi driver to take you there. Some people actually recognized you which made your heart flutter. Being recognized means people are hearing about your music and that in itself is a wonderful thing.

But  a voice inside your head was warning you that these people might follow you back home because you had that happen to you in your hometown. Your mother had asked you for a grocery store run since you are still her kid and she is still your mother and you had to do everything she asks you to. You thought you were in the clear until someone screamed when they saw you leaving the mall. They demanded to take a picture with you, which of course you were more than happy to do. But they decided to follow you, which really sucked because then you had to go to a hotel and pretend that you were staying there just so you can keep your family’s address a secret.

Not wanting to burden your new “roommate/landlord” you decided to take the taxi and you specifically asked him to circle around the city to make sure no one was following you. Only when you were on the third step on the stairs of the fourth floor did you remember that Sebastian never gave you a key, or his number for you to contact. “Jesus Christ, I fucking hope he’s here.” You muttered under your breath. But luck just wasn’t at your side this week, because after knocking 5 times and you made sure that it was loud enough to be heard by someone inside. No one opened the door. So there you were, stuck outside with the grocery bags. You decided to place it all on the floor and sat down on the same spot where Sebastian slammed a door on you. There was nothing else you could do so you decided to pull out your notebook and write some lyrics, it really didn’t matter if you’re going to sing it or some other artist. All you wanted was to create music, and hearing it come to life? It was the best feeling ever.

You were in the middle of recording a melody when you hear Sebastian go “Oh fuck. I’m so sorry, shit-- Look…” He was going to apologize but you cut him off. “Sebastian, it’s okay. I’m good. It’s my fault, I didn’t tell you what time I was going to come back. And I’m a freeloader here, I really don’t expect you to wait up for me everytime.” He sighed and apologized as he helped you stand up. “How long have you been waiting?” You decided to lie and say you waited for a few minutes when in truth you’ve been there for almost two hours now. “I bought groceries after work. I hope that’s okay.”

Sebastian smiled and handed you the key to the door. You fumbled to get it into the keyhole because you were holding your bag and your notebook so Sebastian took it from you and decided to put it inside your bag. You were about to pick up the grocery bags when you saw that Sebastian was already carrying them with your bagpack on his back. You can’t help but laugh at the sight of him. You’ve only known this man for a day and he makes you laugh like no one ever did. It’s kinda weird how life does that.

“I could’ve helped you. You know.” You told him as he set the bags on the counter in the kitchen. You closed the door and placed his keys on the key bowl near the door. “I can’t let you do that. Go rest up or change clothes. I’ll fix these stuff in the kitchen.” You nodded and took your bag that he placed on the stool. “I’ll be right back.”

While he was busy with fixing the pantry, you decided to change clothes. Then you took your face towel and some facial wash to get the make up off of your face. You never did like the idea of walking around the house with make up on. And even though technically this wasn’t your house, your opinion didn’t change. Sebastian laughed when he saw you running to the bathroom. Even though he has absolutely no idea why you were running.

“What do you want for dinner Seb?” You asked when you got out of the bathroom. Seb was putting the trash bags into one plastic bag. “I’ll leave that to your very capable hands, Y/N.” You stood infront of the fridge for a minute trying to decide whether to cook chicken parmesan or a tortellini skillet. But since you were getting kinda hungry, you decided to go for the former.

“Damn this is amazing.” Sebastian complimented as soon as he took a bite of the food. You laughed because he was a sloppy eater. Sauce was all over his mouth, the man in front of you was so different from the man you saw earlier. This one wasn’t wearing any mask, this was Sebastian.

“Did you go to work earlier?” you asked, deciding to make a small talk as you handed him some tissue. “Here, you made a mess. Easy there with your food.” He took the tissue and muttered an apology “It’s so good! I can’t help it. But no, I just went out to meet with, uh, my boss and to get a key duplicate.” He then proceeded to fish the key out of his pocket and carefully handed it to you.

“Thank you Seb. It really means alot to me that you haven’t killed me yet.” he laughed and continued to eat. After the both of you finished eating he helped in washing the dishes, he continued to compliment your cooking which gave you an idea.  “Hey, if you want I can cook you lunch. Oh, but then it’ll get cold by the time you eat it at work.” But he quickly dismissed that idea and said that there was a microwave at work. “Please, I am so tired of the food on set. I would want some of your homemade meals.”

“Really?” He either really liked your cooking or it was the only time in a long year that someone had cooked a meal for him. “What time do you leave for work tomorrow?”

“I leave at 11. Need to be there early.”

“By the way, if you have a diet or something just tell me so I can cook accordingly. And I should probably save your number, you know. Just in case.”

“Funny. I was about to ask you the same thing.”

The both of you exchanged numbers that night and talked while you sat on the couch watching a t.v series, well more on using the t.v as a background noise while the both of you talked. All the stress from earlier suddenly went away, talking with Sebastian felt like that. You both talked about how shitty work was, his favorite things, and the memories from your childhood. He asked about you country and how it felt like growing up there.

That night the both of you felt free in that apartment. That night you talked about topics you wouldn’t dare talk about with someone else. There was something so beautiful about talking to a stranger without any facade. Without pretense. Without the lies. Except for one.

Four days have passed and you’re still staying at Sebastian’s. It’s 7 in the morning so you decided to cook breakfast, as well as lunch for him. That had been your routine for the past few days. You had to leave early today so you left Sebastian’s food on the table and left a note that his lunch in in the fridge. Today is the release day of your album and everyone is so hyped about this. You have been trending in Twitter for the last 24 hours. You’ve never been happier. This is your 2nd album and you know that you’ve put your heart and soul into this. You just hope that your fans will not be disappointed with the album that you’re gonna be putting out.

The moment you arrived at the studio, everyone that helped make the album possible was there. Waiting for you to click the release button that will make you album instantly available to the world. “You ready kid?” Ryan asked. You smiled and nodded at him, “Let’s do this.” In one click you were live on Spotify and Apple music and the digital album is being downloaded over a thousand times.

In the midst of celebrating, Ryan gave you an envelope. It was an official invitation for a music award show and they wanted you to present an award. “When is this? I’ve been so out of the loop in social media right now you don’t even know--”

“It’s tonight! Surprise! The team is on the way here and you’re gonna get ready and you’ll do great.”

And there goes your evening plans.

The dress you wore was a black long sleeved dress from Dior, that had a slit which showed your legs. After the photo for the press it was the interview next. “Hey, Y/N how does it feel to be back in the spotlight after taking a break?” You smiled and said hi, “It was great. It feels so surreal, and to be able to present an award is jsut so exciting. I’m actually quite nervous thinking about it.”

“So how was the break? Where did you go? DId you meet any you know, anyone?”

“It was really great. I went home to my parents. You know, and went some time off on social media, but no I did not meet anyone.” You laughed but then your mind suddenly went to the apartment you share with a particular blue eyed man who has a goofy smile.

“Maybe because they’re scared that you might not like them.” You shook your head to get rid of that thought and focused on the interview. ‘I’m sorry what was that?”

“I said, maybe guys are scared because they don’t know your type. What do you look for in a guy?”

You shrugged, “I don’t know. I guess I like someone with pretty eyes? And someone tall because I’m a sucker for forehead kisses. But you know, major thing is I really like someone who likes me.”

The reporter laughed and said “But your fans loves you. Do they have a chance?”

You looked at the camera with a smile, “Yes, every single one of you’s got a chance.”

You thanked the interviewer and then the staff showed you to your table. As soon as you sat down, you felt your phone buzz. It was a text from Sebastian, and you couldn’t help but smile.

>> “It’s kinda sad getting a take out. U got me hooked on your cooking. I hate you.”

<< “I’m sorry. Twas a sudden thing. :((

>> “Its okay. Where are you?

<< Some party we had to attend. What did you order for dinner? Also, I’ll be home late.

>> I got some pizza.  Do you have your keys? Or you want me to wait for you?

<< Pizza is not good enough. And yes, I have my keys. You don’t have to stay up late at night. Just gonna go for the after party drink and go home.

>>How will you get home? I don’t remember seeing you with a car.

<< I can take an Uber. Or a cab. Or I can get one of my friends to bring me home.

>> Do you want me to fetch you or something?

<< No Sebby, you don’t have to. Thank you for the offer tho. But really, I’ll be fine.

>>alright, just message me if you change your mind.

The night passed by and you weren’t going to lie. It was really fun. It was so nice to be in a room full of talented people and of them to acknowledge that you are one of them. It was also great to hear about their opinions on your music since they played it during the break. You learned alot of things, and you’re sure to apply those to your life and the way you write your music.

Of course you had to attend the after party, but you didn’t stay long. After a few drinks that made your cheeks flush, you decided it was time for you to go home. Back home, you were greeted by a Sebastian who was sitting on the couch watching TV.

“Hey. You okay? You said you’d be home late?”  He asked as he made his way to you.

You looked at him confused, “It’s 11PM.Its late.”

He laughed and you just stared at him, “It not late. Late is 3 AM.” You were about to say something but he cut you off. “You look amazing by the way.”

Despite hearing it the whole night, it felt different when Sebastian said it. It felt real and genuine. Or maybe its because his opinion was the only one that mattered for you. “Thank you.”

He smiled and offered you some pizza, it was the same routine, the both of you on that couch. Talking about nothing and everything. He asked about the party, you tried to give away as little as possible. He also told you stories about his day and his life.

“Have you found an apartment?” he asked out of nowhere. You looked down and scratched you head. “I haven’t yet. It’s kinda hard. But if you want me to move out I will. I can stay wit--”

“I want you to stay.” You stopped your ramblings and looked at him. “I mean, you can stay. You can pay me the rent or something or we can just continue our arrangement of you cooking food.”

“But why?”

“I mean, you’re a nice person. And you’re already here, why don’t you just stay?”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course. It’ll be fun”

But it wasn’t fun. It was full of heartbreaks. False promises. And pining for someone you can’t have.

Next Chapter

[sargenthouse]

Interview: Jaye Jayle on the web // Echoes and Dust

Interview: Jaye Jayle 

on the web: Facebook // Bandcamp

In a fantasy world it would be just making records and making songs in world of people who spend their night lives when the sun goes down, the kids go to sleep and they’re laying in their bed or sitting on their couch they don’t turn on the TV and scroll through netflix or look at their phone. They put on a record and take it in and breathe and feel something that you don’t feel in any other world besides that world.

Full interview by Michael Hayden via Echoes and Dust.

My first experience with Jaye Jayle was seeing them live opening for Oathbreaker. It seems like their blend of americana, kraut-rock grooves and Morricone-esque soundtracking would be an odd fit for a metal show, their presence and weightiness stole the show for me. I was so impressed by their performance that I became a bit obsessed with both their debut album House Cricks and Other Excuses to Get Out and their outstanding split release with Emma Ruth Rundle The Time Between Us. I didn’t know at the time (even though he looked familiar) that the main songwriter was Evan Patterson from the mighty Young Widows. As a fan of Young Widows this just intrigued m even more. How does a person go from the thunder and fury of Young Widows to the dark, moody and tension filled music of Jaye Jayle? When the opportunity to interview Evan about their upcoming album No Trail and Other Unholy Paths (available June 29th via Sargent House) I jumped at the chance to hear more about this intriguingly unique project.

We planned on talking after their set opening for Russian Circles at the Empty Bottle here in Chicago. Evan immediately strikes you as a warm and engaged person, he gives everyone who approaches him his undivided attention. It seemed like no matter where we went to begin the interview he was being approached by old friends, acquaintances or newly made fans and he always took the time to share some words with them. I was really impressed by his kindness towards strangers and his patience when confronted with some of Chicago’s more exuberant drunks. The conversation that followed was a real pleasure to have and I’m even more of a fan of the band now that I’ve spent some time hearing about it’s genesis and evolution.

(((o))): How did Jaye Jayle get born out of Young Widows?

Evan Patterson: The initial thought of the project or the idea of writing songs outside of Young Widows was just to not think about anything in capacity of it being performed. It was just kind of writing songs casually. I was actually in Santa Fe, NM visiting a past partner. She had a parlour guitar that was all fucked up, the bridge was already pulling away and the only thing I could do was kind of play on the last five frets to get it to stay in tune. I decided I was just going to write a song or what I felt was a song. It was always just a couple of minutes or a couple of parts. Not a deliberate idea of anything, just kind of a stream of consciousness thing.

(((o))): Previously did you write with a more compositional approach?

Evan: A little bit, once the band becomes involved in a project or any kind of composition or songwriting to me it makes to consider that they are there. There’s Jaye Jayle songs that I work that have no base of anyone playing with me and when we get together and play them they just come out how they are. One the band becomes involved it’s adding the saturation or the color to the song.

(((o))): That kind of my addresses my follow up question. I know that you’re the main songwriter but do you bring raw ideas to the band and let them play to their strengths or do you dictate who does what?

Evan: It’s a bit of a compositional dictatorship in the songwriting process until we get to the pinnacle moment of a song or a piece. I say here’s all the ideas I have and here’s the drum beat and this is where I hear the bass to be and this is where I hear the vocal melody and once it all becomes musical, that’s where the freedom sets in. Then we can say “this section of song is open” but it takes a long time to get to that place but those guys are

(((o))): You have some great players.

Evan: Todd (Cook) is my favorite bass player to ever live on the face of the planet and Neal (Argabright) can play keyboards better than anyone else. Todd and Neal don’t want to be soloists, they want to be part of the composition rather than just doing the same thing or wondering when they get to take the lead. There’s no leads. It’s more of a score.

(((o))): It’s interesting to me that a lot the press around you guys bring up the kraut-rock kind of influences and I hear it a bit but when I think about bands like say Can often times the song is just a really long guitar solo. I hear it in more of say Michael Rother’s (Neu!) solo stuff where all of the instruments are placed well, or contributing to the whole piece.

Evan: When I listen to Can I don’t really listen to the guitar work as much as I do the forward motion of the songs rather than it just being parts. When a Can song starts you kind of know it’s not going to leave. You always know when you hear the beginning of a Can song if that’s going to be the Can song you want to listen to or if you don’t want to listen and that’s usually in the rhythm section.

(((o))): So the new album is produced by Dean Hurley(David Lynch’s sound collaborator). I love Twin Peaks and the sound design has always been a big part of that, especially in the most recent season. How did working with him come about?

Evan: That sound design is all Dean. I actually had no idea about any of his collaborations with David Lynch until I heard Lynch’s album ‘The Big Dream’ and I’m such a fan of that record. Something about the way it incorporated modern music and that Twin Peaks sound, everything about that. I associated with so much of what’s going on with that record, maybe at times not melodically or vocally what was going on but the production of it completely surrounded me. So I saw that Dean Hurley worked on, produced and co-wrote the record so I just wrote him an email.

(((o))): Nice, that simple huh?

Evan: Yeah, he said “send me some songs” and then he said he loved the kind of strange blues-dirge thing we were doing.

(((o))): One thing I love about you guys is the music does kind of the same thing as Twin Peaks, it creates an environment that you kind of live within during the duration of the music. When I found out Dean Hurley produced it I thought that made perfect sense for what you do.

Evan: Yeah, me too.

(((o))): You recorded it at Earth Analog (Matt Talbot of Hum’s studio) right?

Evan: Yeah in Tolono, Il which is also kind of a Twin Peaks oddball kind of place. It’s an old industrial wasteland that’s a crossroads for trains. Where we were there were trains going by every ten minutes at such a high speed that they would shake the building.

(((o))): Did you have to stop working when the trains went by?

Evan: There’d be times where we’d work around it and there’d be times that we’d just play. There’s train horns all over the recording, mostly in a way that wouldn’t even know and you’d probably just think it’s a synthesizer.

(((o))): In the press release for the album it mentions that it’s designed to be completely non linear, where you can start it at any point. I think that’s an interesting departure from both people who think that the single is everything and the kind of people who write big concepts that are meant to be listened to in a very specific way.

Evan: It’s difficult to listen to a full album. The attention span of a modern human being is so small, I feel like we have the attention span of an ant. It’s just how it is when we have accessibility to everything and everything. With that each side of a record needs to live on it’s own because the is the attention span of human beings. I love records and I collect a ton of record and so many records that I have it’s difficult to get up and flip the side, you know? Being a collector and investing myself in artists from all times, anything that was created on vinyl really, there’s a thing about listening to one side of a record and having it feel complete. Rather than the ending of the first side leaving you hanging, I just wanted to feel like it doesn’t leave you hanging.

(((o))): Not a lot of people take people’s attention span into consideration, haha.

Evan: It’s just a fact.

(((o))): You’re active in a lot of projects, the most active being Jaye Jayle and Young Widows, do you sit down and with intention to write for either or do you just write and decide where it lives later?

Evan: Young Widows is very inactive right now, we’re rehearsing and doing Old Wounds but we didn’t play at all for about 14 months. But it kind of refers back to your first question with writing music and spontaneity of creativity. Jaye Jayle and the songs we write are just what I’m writing right now. Young Widows songs a lot of time were just from showing up and playing and seeing what happens. Composition always kind of came later after we’d been playing for a while. With Jaye Jayle pieces they’re just something I work on every single day for hours and hours, whether it’s playing one chord for three weeks trying to find the melody or dynamic or rhythm within that note or chord or whatever it might be. I absolutely love Jaye Jayle, it brings me more joy than anything I’ve ever done in my entire life. It’s the most euphoric and hypnotic and therapeutic music that I’ve ever created and I feel lucky to have the band because they’re all on the same page.

(((o))): With Jaye Jayle there’s a kind of tension where it feels like it’s about to explode but it never does whereas Young Widows feels like everything is exploding all the time.

Evan: Absolutely

(((o))): Is that conscious decision? Kind of intentionally moving away from that more explosive outlet and stripping it back?

Evan: It’s definitely unconscious and unintentional. It’s more exciting for me to be contained and in control. I was extremely nervous tonight in a way of being in control. It’s so much easier to go full on, just playing loud and having it turn into this chaotic thing. Staying in the environment we have created is exciting because it’s difficult. The instincts of being a musician is at times playing more and everyone having their times of stepping out of the composition. Honestly I feel what’s going on with this music is the tip of the iceberg of what’s going to happen and there’s going to be even more tension and control going forward.

(((o))): You played a lot of new material tonight and one thing that really struck me is the restraint your auxiliary player (Corey Smith) shows, he’ll just rest and wait. Finding musicians like that is pretty rare. That adds to overall feeling that at any moment one of these guys is just going to bust out into a solo or lead line but they never do, is that kind of a theme?

Evan: I don’t know if it’s a theme so much as it is an idea of composition rather than individuals. At times even the singing and the lyrical subject matter and the control of even singing, I don’t even want that to shine. I always think about film and film scores. I just rewatched Badlands and that film influenced me highly. Watching that again and every time the music comes in it doesn’t take you out of the film it kind of puts you more in it. It gives you a narrative and a voice and almost earthly place. I know everyone in the band understands that feeling, we’ve all been playing music for a long time and we’ve never been it in trying to live a world of dominant showing off. We just all want to create an environment.

(((o))): It works really well, even tonight where you played mostly new songs that I had never heard it didn’t really matter because the environment is consistent and holds your attention. Which brings me to the last question. Is it hard to switch from this controlled environment back to the Young Widows sound for you upcoming tour?