#today? i don't even know
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Okay, so now that I have chapter one of Yielding Isn't My Middle Name finished, posted and added to my masterlist, and essentially lying about the fact that I wouldn't do any writing this weekend, I'm gonna start working on some requests while working on chapter two. I'm gonna be bouncing back and forth and we'll see which one gets finished first :)
#but for now i sleep#it's 6am and i haven't gone to bed yet#thank goodness i don't have anything to do tomorrow#today? i don't even know#I'm tired#hope y'all enjoy the first chapter of my first official series!#i know shopping spree hangout dreams is also a series but that's in one shot form#this is gonna follow a specific plot and timeline and chapters will pick up where they left off#so a proper series#I'm scared but excited#krys rambles ★#daryl dixon x reader
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we are back !! hq is real !!
#haikyuu#hq#haikyuu movie#i don't even know when i'll be able to watch the movie ;-; but i'm happy it's coming out today#my art btw
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hey do you guys remember when green day released the explicitly anti-war anthem 'american idiot' back in 2004 as a direct response to all the post-9/11 jingoistic AMERICA HOORAH songs flooding the radio at the time and how it contained the lyrics:
Well, maybe I'm the faggot, America I'm not a part of a redneck agenda
and the point was to use a slur that got right to the core of the conservative propaganda that framed being anti-war as effeminate, weak, un-american? and to take that slur and be like fuck yeah i am and this faggot is going to stand up for what they believe in fuck you
and gay rights activists were mad about it? like how dare this straight man use a gay slur green day is homophobic actually and we should make that the dominant narrative in the discourse and never ever talk about the war stuff
and meanwhile all three members of green day weren't even straight? the lead singer was openly bisexual. billie joe armstrong is very much a faggot. fuck you.
#og#green day#american idiot#bisexuality#biphobia#bi erasure#anyways i dont know why im thinking about this today#i don't even particularly like green day#oh right bc of the lytic ask
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Angela Orosco Silent Hill 2
#in anticipation of the incoming remake#i tried my best to imitate the SH font but#silent hill#silent hill 2#angela#angela orosco#theme of laura (reprise)#i've said it before but in spite of its occasionally clunky diction i think silent hill 2 is an unusually emotionally intelligent game#for any year and still today but especially so for where gaming storytelling was in 2001#and for as many pitfalls a story like hers could've dipped into i think it particularly shines through with how they treated angela#not just choosing to depict victimhood as something that can be ugly and fractious and open quote “difficult” but then this#actively rebuffing james for trying to be a white knight and dressing him down for it too#“i know you mean well and want to help but this isn't a simple problem"#“and it's really hurtful and a bit insulting that you act like you can”#the switching to a first person view turning it into an address to the player as well#maybe even old videogame tropes too#“this isn't some princess in a castle kind of situation dude this is more serious than that”#it felt like a very deliberate statement about the depth and severity of a trauma like this#and in doing so showing it so much respect#then angela just leaves#and you never see her again#i really don't think it was to imply that it consumed her i think it was to underline what was just said#this isn't your problem to fix#this is where your part in this story ends#there's some strength in that
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#tumblr woke up today and chose violence against me personally#also my personal style evokes the 1930/40s sometimes and that's about it there is nothing victorian in there#if you don't know fashion history that's fine but like... this comment has over a 200 year contradiction with itself#and is even further off given the era I *do* dress from#compliment accepted but lord the psychic damage
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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no one look at me I had a difficult day alright
#sometimes you just have to spend a few hours drawing podcast men exclusively kissing I don't know what else to tell you#I'm so anxious today but this helped#I need to draw more kisses actually#gay smooches even#god I just need this pathetic little priest to get some happiness and kisses I project way too much into him#malevolent#fanart#art#blindfaith#blind faith#oscar malevolent#arthur lester#my art#masked
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Do I know you? // I thought I knew you.
BBC Merlin (2008) - s01e01 // s05e13 parallel
#is that what arthur must have been doubting?#every moment every minute he thought he knew merlin just like merlin knew him#did he feel like they were back at the first day of ever meeting?#did he actually want to ask once more “do I know you?”#did I ever even know you?#sigh.#don't mind me I'm just in crying mood today#merlin#bbc merlin#merthur#arthur pendragon#king arthur#merlin bbc#merlin x arthur#regulusrules metas
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three superheroes, anpanman! for @sopekooks ♡
cr. jung-koook
#btsgif#dailybts#btsedit#bts#bangtan#sopekook#hobi#yoongi#jungkook#usersky#usersan#usermaggie#userkelli#tuserandi#raplineuser#*jk#*yg#*hs#*gifs#tw flashing#happy birthday my darling crystal!#can you believe that another year passed already? it's crazy#I hope you have an amaaaaaazing day today#that you're being showered with all the love#that you laugh a lot and eat great food and that people tell and show you how wonderful you are#thank you for being here with me for another year. I'm just. SO very fond of you my angel#even when we don't talk much I hope you know how much I adore you and that I'm always rooting for you#you're my longest bts tumblr mutual that is still here and I love you so much#(this clip was supposed to be in last year's set already but I didn't have the file yet back then! so here it is now!#they're sliding right into your heart <3 jungkook's smile makes my heart melt :(((( )
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mmmmm danny with sensory issues both in and out of his ghost forms, but on the opposite ends of the spectrum. Ghosts can't experience sensations the same way humans can when they're in the mortal realm. They're naturally intangible, and it takes energy to be physical. When they're physical, all touch feels the same barring the texture. They feel no heat, no chill. Sunlight passes through them, and so does wind and rain.
You know when your foot falls asleep/goes completely numb, and you go to touch it with your hand and it causes a strange jumble of sensations? You can feel the skin there, your palm is pressing against an object and there's resistance, pressure, but you can't feel the heat? It's kinda something like that. Like he's feeling everything through a set of gloves.
As a ghost, when it rains, he can feel the raindrops hitting him, and he can feel his hair getting wet, but he can't feel the chill of the water and he can't feel the wetness. His suit is soaked but there's no weight like there should be. During the winter snowflakes don't melt when they land on him, and he can't feel the chill of the snow when he gets buried under it.
Sunlight passes through him, a nice breeze ruffles his hair but there's no relief in the sensation. All pressure, no sensation. It's like a strange form of sensory deprivation. And of course, the internal things. It's even worse when he's intangible, when he's not putting energy into being physical. He doesn't feel real.
As human, things become too much. Especially when he's been a ghost for hours. He can feel the weight of his ribs pressing against his ribs, he becomes hyperaware of the expanding of his lungs when he breathes, the feeling of his heart pulsing in his chest.
He curls his fingers in and out slowly and becomes fascinated by the feeling of the joints moving. He turns and grabs Tucker's hand, and soaks in the warmth of his body heat -- he can't feel it as a ghost. He runs his fingers through his hair, and he can feel the individual strands.
There's a weight when he walks. A small drag when he bends his knee and lifts his leg and takes a step, and when he's been a ghost for too long he stumbles over himself, drags his feet along the floor and stomps when he doesn't mean to because he forgot to weigh his steps. Sometimes when it rains he goes out and sits on the front steps of the house just so he can come back in shivering and soaked through to the bone. Runs his fingers obsessively over the goosebumps up along his arms and legs because he can't get them as a ghost even if he's cold.
Because there are certain things, even when he's in the ghost zone, that are exclusive to the living. The little internal things you don't notice and take for granted. Things like breathing and goosebumps and exhaustion exclusive to running that makes your heart pound against your ribcage and your chest hurt with the need for air. Sore muscles from working out and sweating. Thirst and dry mouths, chapped lips and hands, blinking and dry eye, the feeling of the sun soaking into your skin on a nice summer's day.
As a ghost, Danny faces sensory issues in the form of not enough. When he can't feel the hair behind his ears or the weight in his limbs where there should be muscle, tissue, and bone. He can't feel the sun or the wind, everything is in a permeable state of 'just fine', and its maddening. He can breathe if he wants, but there's no point to it. He has no lungs, he can't feel them expand, and there's no relief behind it. He's going through the motions without any of the reward.
On those days, the idea of going ghost again makes him feel ill. Paranoid. He can't stand the thought. He needs to feel. He needs to feel the soft texture of the rug beneath his feet and the grooves in his knuckles, he needs to feel dirt crumble beneath his fingers and get stuck under his nails, he needs to feel the heat of his sister's hand and the feeling of body warmth passing from her to him. He lays on the carpet room and stretches out, and focuses on the feeling of his heart beating and the weight of his bones and muscles and tissue pinning him to the floor.
As a human, Danny faces sensory issues of too much. When all the things he's starving for suddenly make him sick. He feels trapped in his own skin. His ribs become a cage and breathing becomes a dumbbell that he can't put down. He can feel the hair along his arms and it rashes him. He's too cold, he's too hot. He feels like a ghost puppeteering its own corpse and he needs out.
On those days, Danny dips away when he can and goes ghost, and Sam and Tucker don't see him for the rest of the day. He's gone invisible, intangible, and he does nothing but exist.
Just, him experiencing sensory issues as both ghost and human, but in opposite directions from each other. And the idea that ghosts experience the mortal realm differently, and that there are certain things that are just exclusive sensations for the living that Danny doesn't realize until he's a halfa.
#danny fenton is not the ghost king#danny fenton#danny phantom#dp ghost headcanons#dp headcanons#dpxdc#danny phantom headcanon#<- bc i originally thought of this for the blood blossom au except its generic enough of a headcanon that it also works as a standalone#but also i think dpxdc folks would get a kick out of this#but yeah danny realizing that there's SO much that the living have and experience that ghosts don't even in the infinite realms.#i imagine that when he overshadows someone he can re-experience a handful of those sensations like if he were living and suddenly#he understands really well why there are some ghosts who come thru the portal that almost exclusively overshadow people. Or try to.#The mock feeling of being alive again must be *addicting* to some of them. Because he knows it is for him when being a ghost is too much#not a lot of extra tags today folks i got everything i needed to say out into the post :]
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#my response#appa avatar#avatar the last airbender#yall don't even know how excited and surprised I was to see this man so early XDD#I was planning on doing a lot of editing and drawing today but tbh I'm just playing with my appa plush and watching tv <XDD#I gotta make a tiny Aang for him...🥺🥺
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"Tell me again."
Max hums, moving his hand in slow circles along Daniel's back, feeling his chest move against his side, his face hidden in the folds of Max's t-shirt.
He bows his head, pressing a kiss against Daniel's hair, shifting against the hotel's pillows until he's comfortable again.
"It's going to be sunny," he says, voice low, letting Daniel's curls tickle his lips and nose. "It's going to be sunset, orange, the trees all golden in the way you like."
Daniel's back shifts under his hand, his fingers twisting in Max's shirt.
"We'll be sitting in chairs, because you have old man knees, and would complain about sitting on the floor."
He twists away from the halfhearted poke in his side, then settles back.
"They will be those garden ones, the ones with the straw?"
"Wicker," Daniel corrects him softly, voice scratchy.
"Yes, wicker." He tugs Daniel even closer, not knowing how it is even possible. "With pillows, so you can curl in them like a little cat."
He smooths his hand down Daniel's back, like he does with Sassy, when she stretches out beside him on the bed, similar to how Daniel is now. Does it again when he feels Daniel's shoulders uncurl slightly.
"We will be drinking your weird beers, the expensive ones that taste worse than all the others."
"Craft beer isn't weird," Daniel argues, just like Max was expecting him to. He sounds like there's something stuck in the back of his throat, and Max kisses his hair again.
"It is weird, Daniel. Beer does not need to be that expensive."
He gives him space to reply once more, but Daniel doesn't.
"We will drink your weird beer, and we will talk about that time we ate pasta in your hotel room."
It wasn't just one time, but Max knows he doesn't need to specify. They're both thinking about the same one, illegal spaghetti ordered from room service, hidden from their trainers, sauce on the corner of Max's mouth, cleaned by Daniel's thumb first, Daniel's mouth later. And even if they aren't thinking about the same, it doesn't matter. Every plate of pasta shared, in every hotel room, would matter just as much, stepping stones in their story, just as important as that first kiss.
"And it will be rainy," Max continues, voice even lower. His t-shirt is damp, stretched by Daniel's tense fingers. Daniel's back is shuddering, even when he holds him closer and closer and closer.
"It will rain, and you will have a blanket, because you always get cold, even more when it is humid."
The thing that was in Daniel's throat is in his too now.
"We will talk about how stupid everyone was. We will say it was all unfair. But we will not be angry anymore, because it will not matter anymore."
Daniel's hair smell like Max's shampoo, even if he usually doesn't use it, because he hates how dry it makes it feel. Max can taste salt on the back of his throat as he shifts his head slightly, trying to at least keep his ears dry, now that his cheeks are a lost cause.
Daniel's breathing is a stuttered rhythm against his ribs.
"We will cook eggs," Max pushes on, pressing every word against Daniel's skin, hoping every one feels like the i love you that it is. "Because we will have chickens on your farm, like a real farm, so we will be good at cooking eggs. And you will drink your wine, and sing your songs."
His voice breaks, sudden betrayal, just as Daniel trembles in a sob, but Max pushes through. They've both always known how to push through.
"And I will ask are you happy and you will say yes," he says, making it sound like a promise, because it is a promise. "And we will not regret any of it."
He knows they won't. Not the angry moments, not the painful moments, not the annoying little moments they will never even remember. They will take all of them and throw them into the jar of their lives, little pebbles, and colorful marbles, and shards of glass smoothed out with time and love and distance, all mixed together.
"We will sit on your chairs, and they will have nothing, and we will have us."
He holds Daniel closecloseclose, because he's never learned how to let go of the things he cares about, has always clung to things with his teeth and desire bared, and he has no intention of starting now. He has no intention of starting ever.
Even if this is not the way he wanted things to happen, he doesn't believe in letting go, especially when it comes to Daniel.
He swallows, clears his throat to try and dislodge the tight knot of feelings there, raises a hand to swipe his thumb along Daniel's wet jaw.
"We will have chickens, and a garage full of dirt bikes, and I will ask Grace to teach me how to make the pasta sauce you spilled all over the carpet when you were five."
Daniel nods against his chest, fingers relaxing. His breathing is still uneven, Max's t-shirt is still damp, but he can feel him going lax against him, relaxing bit by bit.
"We will," Daniel murmurs, voice shaky enough it sounds closer to a question.
"We will," Max tells him, firm. Would be happy to tell him again and again, until Daniel's voice doesn't shake on it anymore. "We will eat so much food, and we will become fat, and we will be happy. We will."
Daniel nods again, then shifts, wiggling in Max's hold until he can properly climb on top of him, pointy elbows planted on the bed, above Max's shoulders, trembling fingers tracing the wet lines on his cheeks, red-rimmed eyes soft.
When Daniel kisses him, they both taste like salt, exhaustion and the future.
#i made myself cry and i don't even know if most of this makes sense#but yesterday i was crying because (among other things) i was scared i would not have been able to write again#and today i am writing again even if it's just a little thing#so hey one step at a time#maxiel#my writing#if there are typos blame the tears not me#i only wrote a single i love you in this but i hope you could read it in every line and i hope you know every i love you is for you too#and i hope you know we all will be happy too and we will not regret it and we will sit in the metaphorical tumblr porch#and the higher ups and media will have nothing but we will have them and we will have us#im gonna go be emotional somewhere else now
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exam 5 for me... tomorrow!
honestly have been feeling really nervous for this exam since my classmates have either failed it or just barely passed. and i had less time to study this time around because i rushed to book the exam.
so i drew this little encouragement early cuz i need the reminder that no matter what happens tomorrow, i did what i could and i didn't compromise on my boundaries—and that is its own victory.
and i hope that you'll be reminded to celebrate your own big and small victories too!
"You are nervous and that's okay! You did your best! You set boundaries! You took breaks! We're so proud of you, Starlight! Whatever happens, we'll always be here, cheering you on!"
#fnaf sun#fnaf eclipse#fnaf moon#fnaf dca#dca fandom#crab art#bright colours#traditional art#self-insert#my OC Esther#on a funnier note (gonna ramble)#i realized today that i could technically bring a sprite to drink in my exam#we're only allowed water in a clear drink container without any labels#so like... sprite is clear enough to work right?#and if they ask about the bubbles i'll just say it's sparking water#(i hate sparkling water but they don't need to know that)#but yeah might do that cuz i think the sugars will do me some good#3 hour exams are inhumane#anyways going to sleep now because i need sleep more than sugar#the worst thing that could happen is i fail and i have to pay another $115 to retake the exam and i receive the disappointment of my mom#i could buy a sun and moon plushie with that money#maybe even an eclipse plushie too#so the stakes are pretty high i think#if i pass i'll buy those plushies hehe#maybe just one for now because i still have more payments to make for my program#okay okay no more rambling going to sleep now
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We like to say how it's okay to say "no" and it really is. It is so okay to say "no" and I really like the helpful reminder.
I just want to say though that sometimes, we've weighed the consequences and decided that saying "yes" when we don't want to is better for us for whatever reason. And I just want you to know that it doesn't mean you're a failure. It doesn't mean you're weak. It doesn't mean you aren't allowed to be bothered by doing what you're saying "yes" to.
Sometimes it isn't safe for us to say "no". Sometimes there might be consequences that have to do with our job, living situation or any other number of negative things.
While you have the right to say "no", it's okay if you've decided that it isn't what best for you for you in a situation.
#my post#thinking about this today#because i know my mom is about to ask me to do something#i don't want to do#and i've had anxiety about her asking this all week#but it isn't safe for me to say no#i could end up without somewhere to live#i will end up with her being#passive aggressive at me for weeks#so while i don't want to say yes#it is so much better for me#in this situation to just say yes#i have the right to decide that even if i want to that say no isn't best for me
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not the only one who bites
bonus bcuz i like the last frame:
#yes u can set that as your pfp if you want just credit me#listen i know i forgot to add the hoodie strings at the first few panel but pretend their inside the hoodie for some reason#this was the wip i was talking about#decided to finish it today :3#Gaz: “I don't even want to know...”#Ghost's usually the one doing the biting but Price is also a biter#if he want to#:p#Ghost's gonna beg Price for a big chomp cuz he's a sick freak like that#anyways i am eepy so i will unfortunately sleep instead of doodling more#gummmyart#doodle#priceghost#ghostprice#simon ghost riley#simon riley#captain john price#john price#captain price#kyle gaz garrick
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