#today went better than expected and we actually felt pretty good for most of the day

[thethingything]

sometimes I get reminded that drop is a thing and that we're ridiculously prone to it to the point that just having a better day than normal gives us that "post-concert depression" feeling and wow I hate that this happens

[kayleighwinchester]

Praise

(( Another Jensen-a-Thon drabble for @artyandink's lovely event! This one is separate from the previous two - more coming for those later! This is based loosely off of real events - no, Graay, I still haven't forgiven you for not telling me I did a good job healing Trial of the Crusader that night. ))

You're a grown adult.

You're a grown adult, and a damn good hunter. You shouldn't need validation to remind you of that. You don't need validation. 

At least, you don't think you do.

It had started off innocently enough. You’d hunted with the Winchesters for years - practically every job they took, unless Dean royally pissed you off, which happened, at most, once or twice a year – and after every job, without fail, Dean would loop you in a one-armed hug, pull you close to his side, and press a kiss to your temple, offering a quick, but utterly genuine, ‘good job’ – or, if he was feeling particularly proud (or particularly frisky), ‘good girl’. It didn’t matter how well the job actually went - hell, he’d said it a few times when everything had gone completely off the rails. He'd said it when you were all bruised and bloody and hurting and half-dead and nothing felt okay, much less good.

When it came down to it, though, you don’t need his praise to know that you were doing your job well.

It wasn’t on purpose, you knew that much. That last job - a nest of vamps down in Tucson - had gone entirely sideways, and you were sure that giving you any sort of praise was the farthest thing from Dean's mind. Sam had almost died, you were pretty sure Dean had at least three or four broken ribs… Still, you didn't feel right, getting into the car in the silence that followed, broken only by occasional grumbles, groans, and hisses of pain.

You couldn't place why, exactly, the silence bothered you, but it was grating on your nerves, making you feel more irritable than you could remember being in a long time. Even Sam could feel the tension in the car building on the way back to the motel, and it wasn’t long before Dean picked up on it as well. The eldest Winchester cleared his throat, glancing your way. “Wanna go get a few drinks once we get cleaned up? I could really use a beer.” He offered, eyes darting from you to Sam, as if begging his brother to back him up. You offered a shrug in response. “Or we could stop at that diner ‘cross the street from the motel. Got a sign sayin’ they make their pie fresh every day.” He tried again, simply earning himself another shrug from you, and a confused glance from Sam.

It finally made sense when Sam spoke up – clearly trying to smooth things over, trying to put you in a better mood, offering, “You did a great job back there, Y/N.” It worked, at least a little – you could at least force yourself to smile at him, even if it didn’t feel entirely genuine. 

Dean’s eyes cut to you, and as he caught your smile, the gears started turning – you saw several expressions cross his face in quick succession: confusion; realization; annoyance; exasperation. “That's what this is about?” He demanded. “You're throwin' a whole fit ‘cause I didn't tell you that you did good today?”

“I’m not throwing a fit.” You offered halfheartedly.

You weren’t expecting Dean to pull the car over on the gravel shoulder, casting Sam a stare – the younger Winchester stared back for a moment, before Dean raised his eyebrows. “Backseat.” He ordered, pointing. Sam looked baffled – and you were sure you did as well.

Dean was barely fighting a smile, even despite his clear exhaustion. “C’mon, Sweetheart.” He waved toward the front seat, motioning for you to switch with Sam. You hesitated a moment, looking to Sam – he still looked just as confused as you were – before you obediently left the backseat, trading places with Sam. Dean was already leaning forward to pull his box of cassettes up onto the seat between you. 

You settled into the passenger seat, your backpack between your feet, taking in the amused grin that lit up Dean’s face, growing with every passing moment, looking out of place among the blood, dirt, and bruises there.

He glanced up at you, taking in the confusion still painted onto your face. “Since ‘m apparently breakin’ rules,” He drawled out, his stare a bit more pointed at the words – it had never been a rule, and you all knew it – “what’s one more, huh?” There, shoved between two cassettes - Metallica and Mötley Crüe – was the iPod adapter Sam had bought (the one you were quite sure Dean had thrown out the window the moment he’d seen it). “Just try not to make my ears bleed too bad, huh?” 

As you dug through your backpack for your iPod, Dean leaned down, his face close to yours, his lips against your ear, his voice low enough that Sam wouldn’t hear.

“‘N when we get back to the motel, I’ll tell Sammy to take a hike, ‘n I’ll tell you what a good girl you are as many times as you want.”

[marvelobsessed134]

Starting to really like the real world

A/n: You KNOW I had to write stuff for Margot’s barbie because…mommy. Anyways! Also as we know in the end of the movie when Barbie goes to the real world she’s named after Ruth Handler’s daughter. Her name will still be Barbie but her last name, Handler, will be mentioned

Pairings: CEO!Barbie x Assistant!Fem reader

Warnings: smut, dirty talk, oral (both receiving), fingering (R receiving), Dom!Barbie, Sub!reader, mommy kink, mentions of strap on use, little degradation, and I think that’s it.

Summary: Things get heated between you and your boss.

It was just another day working at the one and only Mattel headquarters. And for the new CEO, Barbie herself. Well, Miss. Handler to the world. But everyone closest to her knows that she is -or was- a actual Barbie from barbieland. And because you’re her assistant, you know most things about the woman.

She’s always so cheery, she’s a wonderful boss. She gives you paid off time during your menstrual cycles. While yes, she has all the right organs now she still doesn’t get her period and can’t get pregnant. Which she doesn’t mind at all. She’s actually very happy she doesn’t have to worry about neither.

Today has been hectic. Since new ideas for new dolls and play sets have been announced at the annual Barbie convention. And as expected, Miss. Handler was very busy.

You just gave her coffee, printed her papers and answered some emails for her. Towards the end of the day, you were exhausted. Ready to kick back and relax while watching your favorite show. However, Barbie had told you to stay behind today.

In her bright pink office, the large window casted a golden aura due to the sun setting. You sat on the couch nervously as your boss walked in, her heels clicking on the polished floor, in her pink suit. You’re afraid you did something wrong.

She locks the door before walking towards you, sitting down next to you.

“Um, Miss. Handler…did I do anything wrong? Why was I called to stay back?” You asked.

“Y/n you know it’s Barbie after hours. Plus tonight you’re going to be calling me mommy anyways.” Your eyes widened at her words before she pressed her lips to yours. You were shocked, but melted into the kiss.

Her hands began to explore your body, groping everywhere she could. Turns out the real world really changed her. Maybe for the better.

You moaned into the kiss. “Mmm, you like that baby? I love feeling your beautiful body.” She said as she smirked against your lips.

Then, the two of you separated and you still looked at her dumbfounded. “Don’t look at me like you don’t know what’s going on, Missy.” She said, “I can see it in your eyes, you want this. So come on, submit to mommy.”

If you were standing you would’ve fell on your knees. “Yes mommy.” You whispered and she gave you a look of approval, her blue eyes growing darker.

She then went to work at unbuttoning your shirt before pulling it off, then your bra. Barbie immediately began to grope your tits before pulling a nipple into her mouth. You moaned and threw your head back.

Once she paid attention to both sides, she gracefully picked you up and laid you down on her desk. She made quick work of removing your skirt and panties. “Already so soaked for me, and I’ve barely touched you.” The blonde chuckled.

Your legs spread on their own accord, and she immediately dived in, licking up and down your folds, all the way up to your clit. You gripped the back of her head as you moaned loudly, squirming underneath her.

You felt yourself getting closer and closer, “Mommy, I’m gonna cum!”

“Go ahead, cum for mommy.” And so, you released your sweet juices all over her face. “Mmm you taste so sweet. Good girl.” Barbie praised before standing up and pushing to fingers inside of you. Your eyes rolled back as she continued to fuck you. “Fuck we’ll have to use my strap next time, how does that sound pretty girl?” Your boss moaned and your eyes widened. She’s way different than she was when she first got the real world.

“Oh yeah, it’s thick and long, it’s gonna stretch that tight pussy out so much. And I know you’ll love to suck on it, you little cock whore.” She chuckled menacingly as she continued to fuck you with her fingers as your legs began to shake and you clenched around her. “Oh god, mommy!!!!” You screamed in pleasure as you came a second time.

Barbie took her fingers out of you and licked them clean. She leaned over and pressed a kiss to your lips, you could taste a mix of her and yourself. She then squished your cheeks and said, “Now it’s mommy’s turn. You’re going to make mommy cum like the good little slut you are, got it?” You nodded and watched as she got up and sat in her chair, she pulled her pants and panties off and spread her legs as she unbuttoned her suit jacket and shirt.

The sight of her pussy had your mouth watering you got down and crawled towards her before becoming face to face with it.

You looked up for permission and saw as Barbie tweaked her nipples lazily before saying, “Go on.” With a warm smile.

You began to lick her just as she licked you. Up and down her wet folds and up to her clit. And just like you did, she gripped the back of your head, “Oh yeah, that’s a good girl.”

You continued to eat her out. “I’m close, and you better eat up all of my cum sweetheart.” And you did, as she moaned out and her release squirted all over you, you quickly ate it all up like a good slut.

“Fuck that was good, I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time, babygirl. And I want to do it over and over again.” Barbie said before leaning forward and gripping your chin, making your look up at her. “What do you say, you wanna be mommy’s little fuck toy?”

“Yes, mommy.”

“Good girl.”

[bitchlessdino]

chan- your personal knight/guard. been by your side since what feels like practically forever and has protected you against pretty much everything. You both are close but despite knowing him for so many years and being so close you realise you don’t actually know that much about him so on a walk maybe you’re just asking him random questions about him and learning more about him as a person. Somehow the conversations moved from something like his favourite colour to why he’s not settled down and without missing a beat he’s already answered because of you. Queue a love confession from your knight/guard that you reciprocate.

On a regular basis struggling with cheol and chan rot but today felt fluffy- idk i just think chan would be so sweet as your guard like him being super protective like ‘don’t pick that flower it might be poisonous let me check it’ and it’s like a dandelion or somet 😭

anyways just wanted to leave this with you and express how much I love your work!! I hope you have a good rest of your day or evening and genuinely thank you for taking the time to write on here, i truly appreciate the fact you take time out of your own day to read peoples requests and write whatever comes to mind <33

Pairing: royal!reader x bodyguard!chan

Genre: fluff

Word count: 3.1k

tags: royal au, overprotective chan, yearning, childhood au, love confessions, misunderstandings

author note: I forget how much fun fluff can be and I thought this concept was so cute also to the person requesting. I hope you like it. I love taking requests, including this one and i apprecate your kind words so much. we could all use your positivity. 💕

You remember when you first met Chan. He was the son of the Head of security that would tend to your father's every public and private safety. In a land ruled by a monarchy, these things were just necessary. You’ve been taught about the value you hold simply because of your bloodline and how you were the most precious there is, you must be protected and guarded at all costs. That’s where Chan came in.

He always claimed to be destined to take on a job much like his father, promising to protect you until the end of your days. That was a huge proclamation for an 8-year-old. He carried a wooden sword wherever he went and always had that big goofy smile on his face. It was his life goal to be strong and dependable like his father, and you believed he one day would.

That was the first and last time you saw him until he was officially appointed your personal bodyguard when he turned 18 years old. You were taking etiquette classes and studying scholarly journals of your country’s history, he trained day and night, mastering every possible martial art to exceed expectations as a protector. He was much different when he returned to you, and much stronger as well. He did not disappoint, but the light in his eyes as a child seemed to have faded, leaving a solemn shell of a man who lives to serve his master.

“Chan!”

He responds promptly. He stands by your side in an instant in proper attire, fit for both professional settings and in case he needs to be active, and meets your eyes. “Yes, your highness.”

“Bake with me.”

He blinks, “Your Highness. Would you not rather have the chefs bake something for you if sweets are what you desire?”

You stare back at him pointedly, crossing your arms, “Are you talking back to me?”

His gaze perks up at the accusation, immediately shaking his head, “No, your high—“

You laugh, doubling over at his panicked expression. “Just kidding. I wanted us to bond! No better bonding than creating delectable pastries. No objections.”

“Yes, your highness.”

He was there whenever you needed him. He never told you ‘no’ and he always did what you told him to. All done with a stone face. He took his duty seriously. He was far from who he used to be, which was probably a given, it had been around a decade. That’s when you executed a plan of action to peel away those layers, hoping to find the cute boy that childishly wanted to blindly protect you. 

It was over time you saw progress, seeing him smile at every comment or the little mistakes you couldn’t help but make (you swear to him you’re normally more graceful than that) when he thinks you aren’t looking. You loved that: making him laugh. He has a beautiful smile. And the more you spent time with him, the more it feels he knows you, even bringing things you need without you even having to ask, but what was it you know about him?

“Chan.”

Right on the dot as always. “Yes, your highness.”

“Walk around the garden with me.” You take his hand before he can even answer and had him trodding beside you out of the palace.

“Please slow down, your highness.”

You practically dragged him, it was necessary given the Palace’s size.

“There is very little daylight left. We must make the most of our day. This is a royal order!” You playfully command.

“It is 3 pm, your highness!”

“Royal order!”

You walk side by side with him taking in the air, the freshly cut grass, and hearing the birds sing their sweet melody. Calling it a beautiful afternoon was an understatement. Even after living in the place you call home for so long, there is more that surprises you. “Doesn’t the sky look extra blue today, Chan?”

He softly grins. “It does, your highness.”

You turn your head, watching the smile slip out of view, “Speaking of which, what is your favorite color, Chan?”

He thinks for a moment. “Blue, actually, your highness.”

You offer him a wide grin. “That suits you very well. I’m glad I know that. How was it that you’ve protected me for so long and I never knew that?”

Chan is quiet at that, not sure how to answer.

“My favorite color is green, or was it purple?” You cross your arms in thought, a single finger tapping against your cheek, “Last week it was pink.”

“It should be yellow, your highness. You decided to wear the yellow two-piece today.”

You look down at your attire and confirm his statement, seeing the pretty outfit you properly picked out the day before with Chan. You twirl, watching how the sun reflects off the expensive fabric, “You’re right. Looks like you know me better than I know myself again, but of course.”

His eyes fill with concern. “Does that make you uncomfortable, your highness?”

“No. Not necessarily. It just feels very one-sided. You know so much about me, but I feel like I know so little about you.” You skip ahead of him and you hear his footsteps catching up.

“I apologize, your highness. I never believed it was necessary information.”

“Of course, it is. How am I supposed to trust you if I know nothing about you?” You pointed out nonchalantly.

“I apologize again, your highness. This was careless of me.”

You turn around and let him stand beside him and push him ahead, “Nevermind that. What’s your favorite food?”

He stumbles slightly but does not let the matter phase him, used to you treating him much like a companion rather than the help, “Barbeque.”

“Favorite animal?”

“Otters.”

“Favorite ice cream flavor?”

“Chocolate.”

“Least favorite thing about me?”

“Nothing.”

“Ah ha–oh.” You tilt your head. “Nothing? Seriously?”

“There is nothing to dislike, your highness, and even if there was, I could not speak out on it. However, there isn’t.”

You blink back at him dubiously, an aggressive finger pointing at his chest, “Are you lying, Chan?”

“Not at all, your highness.”

He would have no reason to lie, you thought. And like he said, if he did, he much rather not answer. You stare at him for a little longer, scanning his frame before simply shrugging and continuing your leisure stroll.

“Hmm, alright. Favorite genre of music?”

“...girl group pop.”

Your eyes widen at that, smiling from ear to ear. “No way! Which group?”

The tips of his ears cause a hue of red, spreading all across his cheeks in an instant. “Apink…”

“Ooo, how refreshing. I would’ve never guessed.”

Chan was relieved to hear such a positive and encouraging response, feeling his hairs falter just a little bit, quite enjoying your company. “It’s very encouraging when I train. They lift my spirits.”

You chortle. “That’s quite endearing of you, Chan. I feel like I’m knowing you way better already.”

“That’s a relief, your highness.”

“What else do you like to do in your free time? You spend most of the day with me, even tend to events with me, but I have no idea what you do for fun?”

He was drawing a blank. What did he do worth mentioning? “Mmm, lots of activities. Such as…”

“Such as?” You egg on.

“Such as–-horseback riding, jousting, martial arts–”

You wave the list off. “Save the pleasantries. I mean real hobbies, ones not instilled by the palace. Things that are actually fun.”

“They are fun, you highness…But I guess I do like dancing.”

You perk up once more, strutting backward to talk while facing him, “Dancing? How lovely! You must show me how you move. This instant!”

He grows flustered, knowing they were still very close to the other guards and staff in the palace. He wasn’t sure he felt about showing off his moves this publicly. “Another time, your highness. I feel rather shy at the moment.”

“Oh, but you must, you must! What do you do? Ballroom? Contemporary? Interpretive–Wha!” You feel yourself trip over a rock, falling backward in slow motion, shutting your eyes for impact, until a strong pair of arms prevent you from collapsing.

“Your highness, are you alright?”

Feeling him pull you against his chest, you stare back into the eyes of your savior. His genuine fright and concern peek through his gaze and he grips your build extra firmly. He instinctively frowns, lips quivering anxiously, sweeping your stray hairs away from your face. You naturally melt in his embrace.

You nod, sighing a breath of relief. “I am fine, Chan. Thank you.”

“Who knows what you could’ve landed on.” His gaze scans over the bed of flowers behind you, vibrant and vivacious, “they could be poisonous for all we know.”

You allow yourself to land back on your feet, turning your gaze on the same bed of flowers. “Those are dandelions.”

Chan feels redder than a tomato in August. How is he constantly embarrassing himself, he thought to himself. “Oh. Well, better safe than sorry. Your Highness.”

You chuckle, infatuated by his thought process. “You truly are something, Lee Chan. Your significant other does not have a boring life with you around.”

“I don’t have a significant other, your highness.” 

“That's strange. I’d say you’re at the age to be married or betrothed. Why aren’t you?” You mention, decidedly walking side by side with him.

“Why, my work is the most important thing in my life. I do not have the time to commit myself to someone other than the royal family.”

You raise a brow, “Your father was married and had two kids by your age. If he could do it, I don’t see how you couldn’t.”

“Now, you’re sounding like my mother,” he jokes.

“She is a wise woman.”

He splays a bittersweet smile. “If I’m being honest, I’ve been given a few opportunities, but I don’t believe they can take the place of the person I hold in my heart. No one will.”

You clap your hands together in excitement. “So you are interested in dating? Tell, good sir. Who is the lucky lad or lass?”

“Someone far worthy than I’ll ever be and deserves more than what I can give them.”

You slightly shove him, finding such an assumption doubtful. “Oh please. You’re strong, you’re kind, you’re handsome…anyone would absolutely be ecstatic to have you.”

Chan felt warm all over, taking your words into careful consideration, “Do you truly mean that, your highness?”

“Are you doubting a royal?” You chuckle, “I do. Tell them. I am sure they would happily return your feelings.”

He halts his steps, and you quickly follow, curious about his abrupt actions, “...You ask me why I am still unwedded and untaken. How would you feel if I said you were the reason?”

“No excuses. You can’t use work as an excuse for your lack of love life.” You wag a finger at him.

“Not like that,” He takes your hand in his, bringing it up in mid-air, thumbing over the pristine skin of your knuckles, “How would you feel if I admitted the person I hold dearest to my heart is you, your Highness?”

A gust of wind takes you by surprise, the fallen flowers and leave being picked up with it and fall around you like a picture-esque scene in a movie. Your heart pounds a million times a minute, staring back in awe at his presence, overflowing with love and sincerity, and your eyes flutter from the breathlessness you feel in your chest and throat. You stare at Chan like the first time you were reunited with him, with pure unadulterated infatuation.

“Me, you say? Well, I’d say I was surprised, flabbergasted,…flattered.”

You feel the heat of your cheeks from the back of your free hand. “And inexplicably flustered.”

You release your hand from his grasp, the lingering sensation of his hand on your skin causing you to clench and release, and your heart easily audibly through your eardrums. You look towards the ground, finding it hard to meet your guard’s eyes. “Your choice of humor is rather brass.”

“Your highness–”

“It’s supper time. I must get going. I will see you back at the palace, Chan.”

You make your grand escape, clutching your frills, shielding your face from others in the palace with your arm before heading u to your room. You collapse against the bed, clutching your burning face in a silk pillow, yelling muffled songs of your fluster, reimagining the majestic look on his face when he confessed his feelings. Deep down you knew there was truth in his words, but how could you normally react to something so abrupt from someone so…admirable.

You embrace your pillow, push down your swelling heart, and smile. Tears of bliss fall to your cheeks and you can’t help but kick your feet like an excited schoolgirl.

You find yourself making glances at Chan when you reunite at the dinner. As usual, he does not have dinner with you but he stays by you for your own protection and eats afterward once you’ve finished. He’d look as solemn as he always did in front of other people. He took his job almost too seriously, sometimes even tasting your meal with a separate spoon in case it was poisoned. You used to laugh at his old-fashioned methods of work, there was technology for that sort of thing now, but you finally understand his devotion to his service. There more to meet the eyes, you realize.

When he follows you all the way up to your room for a night's rest, you part ways. You squirm in his presence, his confession fresh in your mind. “Good night, Chan.”

You are ready to run from him until he calls out to you, hesitancy in his voice. You meet his apologetic gaze, regretful of their last close encounter. He wishes you would not see him any differently, that he was simply a lowly guard and protector to you. His feelings towards you would not have changed regardless of your reaction. He knew his place and that was by your side as a human shield.

“Please take no more than a single thought at my confession today. Do not let it diminish my utmost respect and loyalty to the royal family. Have a good slumber, your highness.”

He retreats to his quarters conveniently not too far from your chambers, standing by the door, he gestures for you to enter your room and you obliged, watching his figure disappear behind your door. You fear that the air had changed between you, and perhaps not for the better. Your sleep would be anything but peaceful that night.

“Your highness, Good morning.”

He stands tall and firm with a smile as wide as a river. He holds beside him a fairly large trunk, gripping it by the handle.

You peer at his figure in worry, and earnest fear. “What is this, Chan?”

“I’ve decided to leave the palace forever. I realize my life was being wasted away taking care of someone who could never love me as much as I love them. So, I’ve taken on a lover of the same status.”

As if by magic a common lady appears, taking him by the arm and nuzzling his nose. They look in love, happy, and a sharp pain would shoot through your heart.

“No.” You chant.

“You will never see my face again. Goodbye. Your Highness.”

“Chan, no.”

The image of their silhouette gets smaller and smaller as they walk further away. You fall to your knees in desperation. “Chan please!”

You sob in your sleeves, hands reaching out to their shirking figures until you can only hear the echoes of your pleas.

“CHAN!”

You sit up from your bed, perspiration dampening your forehead and you are flushed to the touch. Clutching your sheets, you sigh a breath of relief that was only a dream. Soon after, your doors swing open, and a panicked guard in his baby blue nighttime attire runs to claim you, “Your Highness. I’m here. I’m here.”

His strong arms wrap tightly around your frame, soothing strokes to your hair, whispering to you it’d be okay. Your hands instinctively hold on to the fabric of his clothes, squeezing the flesh underneath, drinking in his soap’s scent and noticing how pleasant and just to your taste it was. “I know.”

He pulls you away to stare back at you, scanning you for any signs of danger placed upon you.

“I’m okay,” you reassure, “just a bad nightmare.”

“What foul image betrays you to cause such a reaction? I was ready to spar with whatever evil demon tried kidnapping you.”

He must’ve been still asleep, you assume. His colorful vocabulary, wakes you up delightfully.

“I am fine. I promise. Come, I’ll walk you to the door.”

You push him out of bed, meeting the exit, while your guard’s doubts seep out of him like a fountain. 

“Are you sure? Was it truly just a nightmare? Do you need new sheets? A snack to soothe you?”

“Not at all, all good, my good sir. Good night.”

You attempt to push him out completely but he holds you back from doing so, gripping the rims of the bedroom door. “I just want to assure you’re okay, your highness.”

You fall a little deep into those eyes, perceiving the truth of his word in them. It drove you insane how a simple confession could affect you this much. You brighten up your world, open your eyes, and made you feel alive, just like a person in love does. “I am. Just…don’t go anywhere. Stay right where you are.”

He gives a confused smile, his gaze softening the same way your tone does. “But your highness, you were just pushing me away a few seconds ago—“

You tug against his shirt and your lips for the first time make contact, his plush surface meeting yours seamlessly. Your hands clasp over his cheeks and neck, languidly moving them against him. You slowly process how he reciprocates, holding you to his chest tenderly, savoring your warmth, taste, and how it all excited him. The thin fabric between your body was the only thing to stop you, and the world around you simply disappeared. 

Before you both knew it, you were pulling him back into the bedroom. He’d quickly follow, doesn’t leave until the following morning, carrying out what he only imagined in his dreams, even if it was only for the night. It was the matter of his duty to keep you safe, to keep you happy. And he knew he could make you happy.

[whywoulditho]

hq movie review!!!

(not spoiler-free)

went to see the haikyuu movie: dumpster battle today and i wanted to share my thoughts!!

first of all the movie had better animation than season 4 of the series! even though it stuck with the same animation style and character designs this was a much more neatly done project for sure. it felt like they had finally adapted into the style and managed to bring out the best version of it. in that sense i feel like season four was their experimental phase, if that makes sense? the movie's animation was so much smoother than i expected. i still prefer the first three seasons' style, but this wasn't bad at all in my book.

they used the same OSTs from the series as far as i've noticed, and they did make the match dramatic enough in most parts, (-we'll get to those other parts) and the voice cast did a good job as always.

they cut the arc a little shorter, trying to fit it into a 1h 30m runtime. it's a three set match so it was bound to be shorter than the five set matches like the shiratorizawa and the inarizaki matches, but it still deserved a good two hours in my opinion. you might think, well obviously they weren't going to animate every single point but honestly? furudate drew almost every single point and people READ that, on paper. we would have eaten up a two hour long movie. but well, since it's all done let's talk about what we had, and what we didn't.

the movie opened with a redrawn version of the season one scene where hinata meets kenma for the first time. it was a nice, nostalgic touch. they kept focusing on the random crow and cat they added to the background of the scene for peak symbolism and frankly i kinda loved that. i don't care that it's overdone it's still good okay? 😤

oh and even though they reanimated that first scene, there were still many instances in the movie where they cut to flashbacks from earlier seasons taken straight from the original version with the older animation style.

the first half of the movie was weaker than the second. they skipped a bunch of points and tried to only show the important lines but without the leading rallies the lines just looked kinda goofy and out of place. this one for example,

when they threw in this line i was kinda thrown off?? because like, the build up just wasn't there? does that make sense? this whole bit about yamaguchi finally catching up to tsukishima and then actually surpassing him was very well done in the manga. and it was a huge thing too, the two of them were the first page art of that volume, but the movie tried to get it over with in like, thirty seconds, i'm not even joking.

this part:

was made into a weird little slideshow type of thing that transitioned into their high five and it looked so goofy to me... i'm sorry. i just wanted them to have this moment so badly. and they did, kind of, but it wasn't all that satisfying.

also, they didn’t give us tsukkiyama having a telepathical conversation, HOW DARE YOU.

tendou and tsutomu watching the match on tsutomu's ipad was also in the movie! i was really happy to see that because that's one of my favorite things from this arc lol. though they didn’t give much of tsutomu's frustration with tendou.

the first half was pretty bland, accurate to the manga but with most inner monologue cut and some parts skipped.

through the middle they gave us the kuroken childhood flashbacks, it was cut shorter than it was in the manga. and get this, i feel like the way they delivered their childhood memories were like they wanted to make them more about kuroo's love for volleyball than exploring kuroken's bond with each other. i feel like the movie tried too hard at focusing on one thing at a time, they cut the tsukkiyama scene short because during that bit they were focusing on kenma. they cut the kuroken memories short because they were trying to focus only on kuroo.

this kept going, honestly. even though this match was ALL about parallels and the bonds these characters have with each other, friendships and rivalries. in the manga, furudate made this match about exploring ALL the dynamics he'd been building up since the beginning. it was more random, yes, but that's what made it natural. kenma and hinata's rivalry/friendship, kenma and kageyama's rivalry, yaku and nishinoya's rivalry, kuroo and daichi's rivalry, tsukishima and kuroo's mentor-student relationship, nishinoya and asahi's trust bond, whatever the fuck yamaguchi and tsukishima had going on. the man took the time to give us crumbs of all these dynamics in the middle while a volleyball game was kind of just playing in the background. i know that sounds like i'm saying playing volleyball wasn't the main point, that's because that is what i'm saying. inarizaki v karasuno was about volleyball. shiratorizawa v karasuno was about volleyball. nekoma v karasuno wasn't. it was about two teams. because furudate made sure that we know every single player in each team, through and through.

this match wasn't just a simple match, it's something that they never shut up about since season one. this match was the end goal of all the relationships and parallels and dynamics they have been building for these characters, and the movie did a half-assed job delivering their fated battle.

it's like they looked at the arc and thought, "this is about hinata defeating kenma. let's focus on that and mention everything else briefly." so it was a whole mess of characters throwing these one liners back and forth and you just sitting there trying to catch up. look, maybe i'm blinded by nostalgia. but i don't remember feeling this way while reading the manga.

(edit: totally forgot to mention this but THEY CUT OFF THE COACHES' BACKSTORY !!! no young nekomata :((( )

okay, moving on, they did give us the birdcage scene:

and better than the manga, if i'm being honest. like i know it's a bad picture but LOOK at that composition. i love it so much.

they also included the one where kenma and shoyo shoved knives up each other's throats (they're such good friends fr 🤧)

they did this scene:

so well i was about to cry. shoyo literally screamed it was kinda overdone but i'll take it. kuroo's laugh was beautiful.

there was also this other scene where kenma is exhausted from running and is just desperately trying to keep playing and they did this amazing 360 degree perspective shot from his pov and IT WAS SO GOODDD. the heavy breathing kept getting louder and intenser and you could literally FEEL his breath and the voice acting in that scene was top notch i had fucking goosebumps. there was this bit where he faced the ground and his sweat was dripping down on the floor and YOU COULD SEE HIS REFLECTION ON THE WATER DROPS?? LIKE???? i'm still shocked this studio pulled that off you guys it was awesome.

and at the end of the match, they took this scene,

and made it 10 TIMES BETTER?? AS IF THAT'S POSSIBLE???

in the movie my boy kenma was fucking FLOORED. he was lying on the ground all sweaty and limbless and he had this beautiful smile on his face as he looked up at kuroo and said this line. I LOVED THAT SO, SO MUCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW WARM IT MADE MY HEART. THANK YOU WHOEVER LOOKED AT THIS BEAUTIFUL PANEL AND THOUGHT, "YOU KNOW WHAT, I CAN MAKE THIS EVEN GAYER"

oh, and they also included this for some reason lol:

okay, so, the movie wasn't as bad as we thought it would be.

i was really surprised by the quality of animation. they definitely solved the problem they had in season four where even the smallest movement always looked stiff. i don't think they paid enough mind to what the arc was actually about, to be honest. they tried to make this into just another one of their matches. well, maybe it was and i'm just reading too much into the character dynamics, who knows..

oh, and the bitter sweet news is that in after credits they teased the kamomedai match. since we're getting only one last movie for the finale it was a given that either the kamomedai match or the time skip were going to be cut short or cut off entirely. well, it doesn’t seem to be the kamomedai match... so. yeah. i guess we're kissing our beloved brazil and V league and olympic arcs goodbye. there was no way they did all of them justice anyway.

while the time skip is a high sacrifice i have to say i'll still be pretty happy if they make the kamomedai game full-length. that's my favorite match in the whole series and it definitely deserves more love. i doubt it will receive any if it comes in the expense of the time skip though...

so have you seen the movie? let's chat on the comments!!!

[pitty-me]

Local nail salon vs non local review:

Non Local experience: I once had my nails done at a birthday party when I was eleven. It was fine and I had gotten crackle nail polish which had black on top and red in the cracks. It was very neat. But I didn’t love having my nails done. I usually just cut them or painted them myself.

But now in my twenties I have found myself looking for new experiences and just being able to do something fun or nice for no reason in particular. So in June for my birthday (10th) 2023 me and one of my best friends, practically my sister, set out to try and be “girly”.

Now I’m a typically nervous person. So I tried to book a time at a salon in a neighboring state, as we were right on the border, online but they never saw it. I even CALLED to confirm before we went but no one picked up or called back.

After driving more out of the way than I had expected we had arrived. We walked in to the owner giving a male customer a pedicure. There was only them and presumably the owners pre teen child. I said “Hi I tried to make an appointment online for today at four pm but I don’t know if it went through. I tried to call to confirm also but no one picked up. Do you have availability?” The owner and man looked at us as if we interrupted something important and she said “Ah..No.”. We said “Okay thanks.” and left. We felt awkward, the atmosphere was awkward, the whole ordeal was AWKWARD.

We then tried to drive to a second place, still oddly far, that claimed to take walkins. When we pulled into the parking lot there was a woman by the driveway in, smoking a cigarette. We parked and walked towards the second salon hoping for a better experience. Then the woman we saw RAN at us asking what we were doing. Feeling more awkward I explained we were walkins only to have her tell us no!

Now I could see in just a little and I thought they were just super busy. BUT IT WAS NEARLY EMPTY! With two employees and like one customer a woman ran at us to stop us from entering. We were done trying to do nails and hungry. Defeated, we left for an early dinner. We would try again a different month.

Local experience: It’s been months now. We were determined to try again somewhere closer. So I called to make an appointment which went well but I was clearly confused and new to this.

BUT SUCCESS! We had an appointment for four pm for a full set of acrylic nails! It was now December ninth 2023 and we were at last getting our nails done! We drove there, walked in and it was still awkward and confusing but they sent us to separate stations and we were on our way to being girly.

We did think being separated was weird but at least we were actually being seen. They definitely do not care about appointments, which is good and bad. It's practically walkins only but at least that works for us! I chose longer nails with pastel purple cat eye nail polish and my friend said shorter with a lighter pink.

Now since it was our first time and we knew nothing they gave her SHORT nails. Like barely there nails. But I didn't see that till later.

We both sat in silence having no idea how to talk to these people. My technician seemed content with that and it was only a little awkward. I listened to some other customers' random chatter and watched him work on my nails. I do have sensory integration so some things that wouldn't bother most people bother me, like filing my nails. That was the part I hated the most but I pushed through it!

Now I did realize most if not everyone paid in cash. Of which I had NONE on me. Que my silent panic that I wouldn’t be able to pay and everyone would be mad at me. Towards the end I did find they accept cards, but cash is preferred. I paid for us both and we left having a pretty good experience.

We did go back for fill ins January eleventh 2024 and had just as good an experience. My friend had her nails done just the way she wanted, we got to sit next to each other, and had a little more chit chat with our techs.

Although something my tech put on my nails burned when she drilled off the old acrylic, which also burned, and it burned a little again when she was finishing off the fresh acrylic. But I pushed through and got this turquoise color cat eye again.

Overall it was all a good experience and we will for sure go back again in like a month. Finding the right nail salon is like dating. You just have to go and see the different choices and who will actually let you in!

Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

[eyesaremosaics]

When people tell me I don’t look my age I’m like: so what, 33 is when you officially reach old hag status?

I guess I’m flattered that people think I look younger, but I have a serious issue with ageism in this society—albeit most societies. This obsession with being “forever young” is a little tiresome. You don’t expire at 30 and suddenly become undesirable. I personally think women are at their most beautiful in their 30s.

I can honestly say I did not enjoy my 20s that much. At that time, I was lost, confused, had no self esteem, went through a bunch of trauma, did a ton of drugs—partied pretty hard. There were some fun memories, but mostly—I was deeply depressed and suicidal in my 20s. I felt things too deeply, and I used substances as a maladaptive coping mechanism for pain.

Women in their late teens and twenties are most susceptible to manipulation. They are at their most impressionable and thusly—most vulnerable.

It sort of creeps me out that a lot of men, and society at large, finds this most desirable. It’s the inexperience that excites them. The “untaintedness”. It’s weird and fetishistic to me. You can argue that it’s biological, but I think sexual attraction is pretty nuanced and relative to the individual. It may be partly biological, since women are at their most fertile at that time, yet I can’t help but think there is a psychological need for control in it.

Older women—not as easy to control. Therein lies the appeal. Young women are more likely to put up with abuse and all other kids of mistreatment. At 30, a woman will scoff and say: “ain’t nobody got time for that.”

(Note: Not to say all men do this, or that women are not capable to perpetuating abuse on each other, I am speaking in general terms.)

In all honesty: the 30s have been my absolute favorite decade so far. I truly feel comfortable in my own skin nowadays. I could care less what people think, and I don’t repeat the same mistakes because I have already made them and learned from them. Decisions are much more calculated and deliberate—and yield more favorable results.

Making more money now than ever before, I have been promoted at both my jobs. I have a nice apartment in an awesome city, I have a boyfriend who loves me. I’m in a good place with all my family. Not to say tragedy hasn’t struck in my 30s, because it certainly has, however I am better equipped to deal with grief and loss having gone through it before.

Safety and stability bored me in my twenties, I was all about passion and intensity. Now comfort and stability feels like a long lengthy sigh into a comfy chair at the end of a long day. The best part is the “being comfortable in your own skin” though. I can’t possibly explain (though some of you who have followed me for a long time may have observed this) how much I used to hate myself. I thought I had no value, that I was hideous, unlikeable and a person, and worse—unlovable.

It took having my heart and soul brutally broken on every level… took losing everything… to rebuild from the ashes in my Saturn return and forge the person I am today. I still have a long way to go. However, I am so, SO grateful that I finally discovered true self confidence. I don’t wake up hating myself anymore. I look at myself realistically and do what I can with it. Less noise in my head, less over analyzation. Not to be confused with arrogance, true confidence is being able to “trust and confide in oneself”. When translated, that is the Latin root of the word “confidence”.

It’s a good feeling, and though yeah—we all want to retain our youthful looks (because society says we should), I am not ashamed to get older. Life doesn’t end at 30. This notion that 30 is too old, is so archaic and irrelevant to how long people actually live in this day and age. In the 1930s life expectancy was 58 for men, and 62 for women. Think about how young that seems to us now.

So to sum up what I’m trying to say here: don’t be in a rush to grow up, you only get to experience the pure, unadulterated, wonder of the world for the first time once. Treasure those moments, but at the same time, also be excited for your 30s. I promise it just gets better.

[sweepseven]

Cirque du Soleil Kooza viewing notes

Ok last time I said I’d write an abbreviated review and that turned out to be a fucking lie so this time I’m really going to try to mean it. Ended up back in Montreal sooner than I expected, pretty sure it’s one of my favorite cities in the world, every time I go I love it more, I really want to do an apartment trade with some friends from there, etc etc etc. Montreal is the best. 

Montreal is made better when you get to bring three people to Cirque du Soleil for the first time, and that experience is made better still when you get to bring them to the show that rearranged your goddamn life without being blinded by the feverish haze of emotion that gripped your every sense by the throat during your last viewing. I could actually take in the show and not just drift moment to moment on a stunned, teary cloud. Can you imagine??

Anyway here’s what was different, the highlights, and other fun things:

Mitch was Trickster again. I was hoping for Matt to get some comparison, but the moment I saw those fingers I knew. And now that I’ve seen Mitch twice, I’ve become very very fond of his Trickster. He’s not particularly expressive but it’s done with great intention. You get a very strong sense that there’s a lot happening beneath the surface, and there is no question that every speck of magic in that world comes from him, even when it looks like others are in control. 

Mitch’s Trickster has a very particular way of conducting the performers, and often when they can’t see it. They jump and you realize a second later it was only at his suggestion. The Innocent holds the wand but nothing happens until the Trickster permits it. And only every once in a while does the audience catch a little smile that indicates how much he gets a kick out of it. 

No box jump today - I’m guessing for equipment reasons because no other part of Mitch’s performance seemed dialed back. Instead the lights went black, there were the trademark flashes of electricity, and when the lights returned he was leaning against the box in one of the most classic Trickster poses around. You know the kind. Always good shit. 

I should mention too that Mitch is quite short and while at first it always makes me wish for a taller Trickster, I’m actually really warm to a short one now. He’s just a little guy, he comes all wrapped up in a box, he’s mischief personified, of course he’s short!!! Conclusion: any height Trickster is a good Trickster. He can and will fuck you up either way. Can’t lose. 

Still not over the way the Red Army jolts to life during the opening. 

Cried again I stg I am helpless. 

Two contortionists tonight and they did beautifully. Three would have been cool to show my first timer friends, but I was happy to see the adjusted choreography anyway. They have a very cool straddle in their final pose as a duo that I think is more impressive than the three-high stack we usually get. 

Haley fucking killed it as Kashmir as usual. The current arrangement of 16-Papillon is so much better than the old, and I never remember that until I hear it live. Kathryn’s vocals lend a delicacy that I particularly appreciate, and I love her Junoon for the same reasons. 

Unicycle duo tonight! THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER. This has never been my favorite act but I do adore their characters, and this duo has such impeccable chemistry. 👀

👀

👀

fucking  👀 👀 👀 👀 👀

Anyway the crowd loved them.

I love and have always loved Kooza’s clowns and I don’t care who knows it. They’re so different nowadays but my affection endures. I’m sure they’re much more appealing to a wider audience now than they were back around the DVD days. Their little knighting act is fun. 

Looking back on the setup for high wire I think I should have suspected Something Was Up. The energy from the cast felt high when I saw it three months ago but this was markedly different. The Red Army on the cannon were having a blast, the audience was losing it for the clowns and their conga line, and happiness just radiated from the stage the entire time. It was their final Saturday in Montreal so of course energy was high, but..... 

I usually don’t care for high wire but I couldn’t look away! Engaging and infectious as hell. My friends were losing it and I was just laughing knowing what was coming up at the top of the second half. 

Last time I critiqued the show for feeling “1.5x speed” and this time the only time I felt similarly was during the setup for Kooza Dance. The rat cape just doesn’t get enough time to shine, and I do still miss the skeleton dance. Other than that the pacing felt 100% on point this viewing and I still wish I could identify or articulate what felt different in May, only that tonight was utterly perfect by comparison. 

Kooza Dance was a blast as per, and Joanie utterly killed it as the Soul Singer. Should have mentioned much much earlier that every moment the singers were visible was a moment worth keeping an eye on them. They’re always moving, always connecting, always feeling the music. Joanie calls out the Trickster by name during the little spoken word moment, which was cute, though I was curious why she didn’t call him Crooner! I guess the assumption for all is that Trickster is Trickster is Trickster no matter what ridiculous getup he’s wearing. 

My seat afforded me a better than average view of the Crooner costume when he came out into the audience and god damn is that thing a work of art. I never noticed he has tiny crystals at the ends of his hat where the red and yellow costume has bells!

There were very few women in the front row of the 200 section so Crooner gave the most masc guy imaginable a twerk for the absolute ages. It was incredible. 

Wheel of death was unmatched. Second time I’ve seen them get a standing ovation for their act right in the middle of the show and holy fuck do they deserve it. They were so vocal and energetic, the claws were out, and they went above and beyond in embracing their characters and the audience’s energy. 

Drum solo. God almighty. Eden is fucking phenomenal. He went so hard. 

We got cyr wheel in for hoops!! I was so psyched! I’d never seen this act before but I love the costume and had been curious about the song so I felt very lucky. Ao Na is so good. Each singer stands on the stairs to the left and right of the bataclan (three cheers for Joanie and her quick change out of the Skeleton Dance costume) and blend so well with the flowing movement of the act. I love any opportunity we get to see them spotlit. 

Clown Act 2 may be repetitive for some but my sister lost her goddamn mind at it and it was so infectious that I can’t help but adore it. These guys are just great. 

Chair balancing remains so lovely and controlled. You can feel the audience settle in for what they think will be a boring act by comparison and immediately get their asses handed to them. 

Teeterboard time. BUT WAIT. WHY AM I SEEING DIABOLO?

Yes! Diabolo was in for teeterboard! I was VERY curious about what the fuck could be up to make that happen - it’s such an ensemble act, surely they can just abbreviate or change things up when one or two people are out and still run the act. So between this unexpected change and the uncommonly high energy of the evening, at this point I’m thinking “holy shit are we going to get both because it’s their last Saturday in their home town? what’s going on?? what’s the story??” Meanwhile William is fucking killing it in a discipline that I don’t think anyone would call a “finale discipline” and yet there he is anyway sending the audience into an absolute tizzy. He was having so much fun, and there were the most adorable interactions between the Innocent and Trickster happening in the background. So heartwarming, and such a fantastic act. 

But no! It was the finale act! Suddenly we’re saying goodbye and I’m so intrigued and emotional that I don’t have time to feel shortchanged by the loss of teeterboard. There were little stumbles that only a weirdo like me would notice - too many solo acts in the second half, lack of cohesion between Real Kooza and Underworld Kooza, that kinda bullshit - but when I tell you the energy of the entire cast for the duration of the show was so high that I physically could not care, I mean it. Yes I would have preferred to see teeterboard. But yes I also adore that diabolo act. And that final bow from such a stoic, controlled Trickster still bleeds with emotion. The wind still carries the kite and the entire tent is lifted, too. I was on my feet in a heartbeat, and so was the rest of the entire Grand Chapiteau.

And then.

And then. 

During bows, the unicycle artist stepped out of line to the center of the stage. Immediately I’m on high alert - energy has been weird, act lineup has been weird, something is going on, maybe someone is leaving...

But Cedric pulls the unicycle flyer towards the center of the stage too...

And the unicyclist gets down on one knee...

He PROPOSED to his ACT PARTNER ONSTAGE

The audience lost it. I was screaming, my sister was screaming, the cast was cheering and pounding the stage and the flyer was crying and she nodded and it was just the most beautiful, unexpected, utterly perfect and loving moment. 

You can watch it from the bataclan here.

I will never forget this performance. Something was off about me last time - maybe my expectations and emotions clouded my assessment, maybe the show genuinely did have some issues it didn’t suffer on other nights, who knows. But tonight, despite tiny limitations and changes and all the other variables a circus flows through every moment it exists, it was perfect. It was completely Kooza in every single way. And I got what I love most: to watch friends experience it for the first time, and to see their smiles as we walked away from the big top chatting about our favorite moments.

The rest of the night and the entire day that followed had a true Cirque afterglow, one I haven’t felt in a very long time. I’m not sure I’ll see Kooza again. I hope I have the chance, and I know I tend to find myself with more chances than average. But if I don’t, this will stay perfect. 

[pbandjesse]

Today was a pretty great day. Like it was calm for the most part. And I got stuff done. It wasn't like exciting but it was nice.

After I finish my post last night James would come home within the hour. I think it took them longer because the Orioles did win. And it was very exciting. When they got back with Brandon they were so happy and they squeezed me and it was great. I was so happy for them. And we stayed up for a while just talking and they explain some stuff about baseball to me and then we went to sleep.

And it wasn't bad sleep. I just had very active dreams and I woke up a little confused. But that was fine. I woke up with my alarm and James was there and I told him I could not get up yet I felt so tired. And so it reset my alarm for 8:00 and tried to fall back asleep but I struggled. I at least laid there and dozed and felt a little bit better when I got up at 8:00.

I got cleaned up and got dressed and I left the house pretty quickly. I decided I would stop at McDonald's and get pancakes for breakfast. Which were fine. I was just a craving I had and I thought that they would be nice. And I was correct. Even though I was in line for a pretty long time. The drive-thru was just pretty slow today.

It was a nice day. A little chillier than I was expecting but I had my sweatshirt with me. I got to camp at 9:00 and I felt like I was pretty productive overall. I spent the first hour working on resetting my fibers boxes and cleaning up that space. And as I was finishing that Heather texted me so I was like oh I guess everyone's here now. So I went back down to the office and checked in. I was asked to design a poster and some graphics for our MWEE program. So I would spend the next like two and a half hours working on that. I had a lot of fun doing the poster. And we had some issues with the colors printing correctly. My oranges were coming up very red. But I think we got a good handle on it by the end. And I was just having a really good time listening to music and working on my computer. And I insisted on showing Joe and Lou in my poster design and Joe said that I obviously missed my calling but I told him I went to art school so we're actually using my degree properly. I thought that was funny. He also teased me for my handwriting though when he saw it on a piece of paper so you win some, you lose some.

I spent a really long time working on the MWEE graphics. We have these staffs that each group gets and I just think they are so ugly. Like they're falling apart for one and the signs just don't look good so I thought they would look better as flags and I spent a really long time designing the medallions and flags that I wanted to be on the staffs and then I had to repaint them which took me basically through the end of the day. I did take a little break in the middle but I'm not very good at taking breaks at camp right now. Like it's just kind of taking breaks randomly rather than one chunk. And I wasn't hungry because the pancakes were a lot of bread so I just went up to the art building and worked on all of my stuff up there.

I would have to bounce back and forth from the office to the art building a few times because I kept forgetting things or needing to print something differently. I even got to print on construction paper today which was new for me. But now I know how to do it so I can do it later without any help. We also discussed volunteers that are coming on Wednesday next week and some of the things that we can kind of take care of and hopefully knock out with their help. Moving furniture and cleaning up spaces. I really want to organize Hudson Bay so I'm hoping I can start that on Tuesday and have a plan for when the people come on Wednesday.

It was fun though. I liked being productive and we didn't get as many things done on my list as I was hoping but we got a lot. We had a lot of things that had to get done from the golf tournament yesterday and Sarah was doing a lot of credit card receipts and scanning and organizing documents which I'm really glad she has a handle on that because I think I would have gotten confused with all the numbers. So I was really glad that she's good at that. And we would be texting from across the office every once in awhile. Just being like what are you doing what's going on over there??

I would be up in the art feeling a lot of the time though just painting the sticks and waiting for it to dry and listening to music. The wedding that is happening this weekend came like 3 hours early which was a little strange but it's fine. The only thing I didn't like was that I think they went in my building when I had gone down to the office because I came back up in the door was open and it smelled like potty odor or onions or something very strongly. I turned on all the fans but it was gross. And I don't understand what could have happened that left that smell. Very bizarre.

Around 3:30 I really ran out of stuff that I could do because the paint was drying and I had everything else prepped and ready to put together for when it was dry but I might still need to do one more coat of paint. So I went back down to the office and talked to Heather for a bit. She had printed some of the posters that I had made and Elizabeth had some edits she wanted to make real quick before we printed anymore. And once those were done I took a few to take downtown and Heather said that it seems to be time for me to go. And honestly she was right cuz I was really tired and I didn't really think I could accomplish anything else today. So I said goodbye to everyone and I got my stuff and I headed out.

I really wanted to go to the Amish market. That was my big plan for the afternoon and I'm really glad that I stuck to it. I got over there and I walked around and I looked at all the gemstones like I love doing every time. And then I went and got two milkshakes and two pretzels. Because the nice thing about that place is if you buy a milkshake you get a free pretzel. So I got James a pumpkin milkshake and I got myself an apple pie milkshake. James had asked me to get them a special pumpkin treat and I thought that was a good one. And the girls were very nice that made it. And I went over to the grocery store area and I got pasta shells because we haven't been able to find them like anywhere. And I got mini red velvet whoopie pies. I was going to get regular red velvet would be pies but the girl in front of me got the last ones so I got the mini ones instead. Which is fine I don't really care. The girl at the counter seemed a little confused when I told her that we couldn't find stuffed shell pastas anywhere and she was like oh neat.

Lastly I went and got deviled eggs because I love those and then it was time to go home. for real this time. I was thinking about stopping at Target but I really did not want to anymore and I had the milkshakes and I didn't want them to get two melty. People were really stupid in the parking lot but I made it out without hitting anyone. A truck did try to hit me when I was on the road but we avoided that and it was fine.

I got home in about 20 minutes and James was right there when I got home and I was so happy to see them and I had a big package because I bought this very silly Halloween costume. If it's James better than it fits me but I think it'll be very funny More for camp than actually wearing it for Halloween but it's just too good and I couldn't pass it up.

As James was trying it on so I could take a picture of them their cousin called that they were downstairs so James wouldn't answered the door in the bear costume. And they would bring Drew and his friend whose name I think was Parker up and it was so nice to see Drew. And Parker was very sweet. Very excited to meet sweetp. And while they were all talking I went and grabbed my little baby mouse who seems to be doing okay but is very crispy. And I rinsed him off which he yelled about the whole time. I think it's just cuz he doesn't like to be cold but he cannot be crispy. It's not good for him. So I cleaned him up and I tried them off a little bit and put him back in the tank. Sweetp has been entirely too interested in the tank tonight. Just sitting and staring at it. I haven't covered with a scarf but he can hear him now so it's not great. He has not broken into the studio yet when we keep the doors closed though so I'm not that worried but I am still kind of like annoyed because I want him to leave the box alone.

I am trying to leave baby mouse alone as much as I can. I feed him and then I put him back I wash them off I feed him I put him back in. He seems to be doing okay but I worry about him and in the next week or so we'll really have to decide what kind of setup he's going to get at camp if he is going to continue to be alive. So far so good. I want him to stay alive. My most ideal situation would be to release him but I don't think he could care for himself. He doesn't know how to clean himself and he's not eating solid food yet so. I'll try probably to set up some kind of enclosure for him at camp and we'll see what happens.

James left for the baseball game with Drew. Even after winning the championship last night there are still more postseason games to play apparently. And now it seems like James feels like it's less steaks so they can just go and have fun. And they just told me they are having a lot of fun and that made me very happy.

Well they've been out having fun I have been here rotting in bed. I am so tired. I have been thinking about stuff from today though like when Chloe came in to the office at the end and asked if anyone wanted to sign up to take a pottery class with her and I was like yes absolutely So she's going to send me in the information and I might be taking a pottery class on Wednesday nights for the next couple months and I would love that. I have been saying I wanted to take a pottery class again for literally years and I think that this was just the perfect opportunity. And I get to take it with Chloe who I already really enjoy?! Perfect situation.

I took a bath and that made me feel a little bit better. I'm still pretty tired but I'm not freezing anymore so I'm not as miserable. I just put on a documentary and I'm going to watch that and James will probably be home by the time that's over. And then tomorrow we're going to the Renaissance festival. I'm really excited.

We're going to leave here probably around 9:00 and the gates open at 10:00. Just should meet us there around that time. And I just hope that we have a blast. I have no expectations for tomorrow. I think I'm going to look at the website for a little bit and see if there's anything that I really want to see. Maybe a show. But mostly I'm just excited to go and walk around and see all the people. I hope that it is a really fun day.

I hope that you all have a really nice night tonight and sleep really well. Good night. Until next time too

[hypnolurker]

The Perils of Science

ORIGINAL IMAGE FOUND HERE

Why am I such a horny idiot? I should have known something was up. I should have known it as soon as I realised my partner Dr Stevens wasn’t in the lab that morning. They always arrived half an hour early to set up, but today I was the first one there. It was weird but that was hardly the strangest thing to happen that morning.

I had a coffee and then began to set up the equipment when I noticed her, sat in the corner almost out of sight. She was a redhead, young looking with a supple, petite body and to top it off she was completely naked. ‘Has she been there this whole time?’ I wondered. This was easily the last thing I expected when I walked into work. I mean we get sent some strange samples to analyse and I’m often not entirely certain where they even come from but…well this was a new level of peculiarity.

I should have called someone. Should have left the lab right then and just…well I don’t know, but what I do know is that what I did next was a massive mistake. I’m a pretty horny guy, I usually stay late at the lab to finish the work and don’t get nearly enough time to myself, so when I saw her there I just…I couldn’t resist. I let my dick think for me and that’s never a good idea.

With probably the most perverted hungry look on my face and a growing bulge in my pants I forgot about what I was doing and walked over to the beautiful nudist. She looked so peaceful, as if she were sleeping, until I got near. Suddenly her eyes shot open and she was staring at me. I froze, wondering what she might do. Would she freak out? Grab something to cover herself and run out? Scream at me? What if she didn’t know how she got here either and thought I kidnapped her? Oh god!

As these thoughts ran through my mind she gazed up at me with those eyes. Eyes filled with lust and desire. Eyes that had me transfixed. She smiled, licking her lips slowly and seductively as her legs spread further apart, inviting me in. I felt my cock twitch as I watched, my body heating up as a rush of blood to my genitals made it harder and harder to think of anything other than pounding that sweet, tight pussy that was waiting in front of me so temptingly.

I didn’t hesitate any longer and threw off my lab coat and other pieces of clothing before practically diving into the mysterious slut. I grabbed her body and pulled it into mine, hands across her back as my cock was rubbing against her puffy pussy lips. They were wet, soft…unnng…I shivered as the tip of my cock traced them while I angled myself better. She grabbed onto me too. Quite powerfully actually. Her arms wrapped around me tightly and drew me even closer, holding me against her like she would never let go. Pressing her warm skin to mine. Feeling that pulse as we clung to one another.

With simultaneous moans I thrust my cock deep into her slick pussy. She was so wet, so horny it was easy to tell. My cock slid into her smoothly, pleasure racing from the tip to my brain as I penetrated her perfect little slit. She held on tighter. Grinding her hips into mine, I could feel her juices overflowing and coating the base of my cock in a thick layer of sticky lubricant.

As I thrust my cock into her over and over, rhythmically driving my throbbing dick inside, I quickly found myself in a euphoric state. My whole body hummed with sexual energy and so did hers. I was getting kind of dizzy and my cock was twitching and pulsating more and more as I approached orgasm. Her legs wrapped around my waist in excitement and squeezed tightly, pushing my hips into hers even more and drawing my cock fully inside her. Even if I tried, I couldn’t remove my dick which was now buried deep inside her quivering hole.

Then she leaned in to my ear, plump lips so close I could feel her every breath, every gentle moan as my cock thrummed inside her. She whispered directly into my ear, with a voice that was soft but…penetrating. A voice that went directly to my mind and also made my dick throb even harder as she said two words that made me shiver.

“Good doll.”

I didn’t know what it meant but as soon as she said it I couldn’t get it out of my head. Good doll. That was the first thing she had said this whole time. Good doll. I was so hard, so close to shooting my jizz into her, my aching cock just bursting and filling her up, oh it would feel so amazing. Good doll. Every time it went through my mind I could hear her whisper it again. Good doll. Every time I heard it her pussy seemed to clench down on me. Good doll. Every utterance reverberated more inside my head until I felt like I was going to black out.

My entire body was tingling. I should have cum by now but something was holding me back, keeping me just teetering on the edge of the most incredible orgasm. Good doll. My head was so fuzzy…things were getting blurry but I remember my chest getting…heavier. Remember my scalp feeling strange as if my hair was growing. Did I catch a glimpse of red hair? It was hers right? Good doll. My skin tingled even more…was it getting smoother? So blurry. So dizzy. Good doll. So hard to think. Good doll. So close.

Everything went black. It’s been dark since then. I can’t open my eyes. Just think about what happened. My body feels different. I can tell that I’ve changed. My hips are…wider. My lips still tingle and my cock well…I’m not sure what it feels like but it’s different. I’m lying on my back somewhere, no clothes, legs spread apart slightly. Waiting. I don’t know what for…I don’t know…

Suddenly I sense someone approach. My eyes open on their own and I see a man walk towards me. He looks…excited…creepy…turned on. I can see my body now. I knew it. I’ve changed. I’m a woman. Not even a woman. A doll. A good doll. I feel my new pussy start to drip as arousal fills my slutty body. My tight pink hole is salivating for his cock. Part of me wants to get up, scream, tell him what happened. Shout that I’m not meant to be like this, that I’m not really a hot redhead slut and he should get away from me right now. I don’t. Those thoughts just make my head ache and are pushed out quickly as he undoes his pants and reveals his cock. Good doll. I feel those words numbing my mind and making my pussy burn with need. Good doll. Getting louder. Good doll. I smile and lick my lips seductively as he gets ready to fuck me. My legs part and I tease him with my soaking wet pussy. I know what comes next.

Good doll.

[jojolovenotes]

joseph and 23!

Meet Cutes: 23. going for the same book at the library

As soon as Joseph entered the library he knew he was definitely out of his element. The only books he ever touched were the comic kind, and even then, he mostly flipped through the pages rather than actually paying attention to the story. The only reason he had come in here today was because he promised his granny Erina that he’d stop by on the way home to pick up a book for her. As much as he wanted to ask for help to find the right section where the book would be, he felt as though most of the employees were just trying to avoid him. Well, whatever - he’d just have to find this book on his own. It seemed like such a chore, but it seemed a lot easier than trying to find an employee that would most likely ignore him. 

As for you, you already knew where you were headed. You frequented the library fairly often, and this was just a weekly visit to go and pick something new. You never really had a plan on what book you were going to read really, you just roamed around the aisles to see anything that might pique your interest. Soon enough you found the aisle and the book that you felt were going to be the next one for you! It was a bit high up though, and while you went to go look for a step stool it seemed someone else had been in the same aisle as you now. You set the stepstool down and reached for the book, although it seemed the stranger in the aisle had been reaching for the same one as well. 

“Hey! Hands off! I need that for my granny!” Joseph was quick to say, which earned him some ‘shushes’ from a few people nearby. 

“Sorry, but I actually saw that book first…” You didn’t want to cause any trouble, but had it not been for grabbing that stepstool you definitely would’ve been able to get to the book first! “I just needed to get this so I could reach it.”

“Not my problem, shorty.” Joseph huffed. Man, this was going to be his ticket to get on Granny Erina’s good side, if he leaves without this book then he’s definitely going to get an earful!

“You’re not even going to read it! You even said it wasn’t for you.” You pointed out, your hand was still holding the spine of the book, but so was Joseph’s. He didn’t intend on letting go anytime soon.

“And I said it’s for my granny. Do you really wanna make an old lady sad, huh?” Joseph nudged his arm just a little, hoping to encourage you to let go. 

“Well, no, but…” You loosened your grip on the book just a little bit.

That was enough for Joseph to swipe it from you. 

“That’s what I thought, shorty! Better luck next time.” Joseph grinned, feeling accomplished that he was successful, but damn, he didn’t expect to feel so bad seeing that sad look in your eyes like that. 

“Hey… Come on. Don’t be sad. I mean it’s just a library book, after my granny is done with it then you can have it so…” Joseph said and offered an awkward smile in your direction, he wasn’t good at this stuff. 

“It’s just… I was really looking forward to reading that. It gets checked out pretty quickly…” You continued on, but, then again if this guy wanted the book for his grandma then maybe it was best to let him have it first. 

“Arrgh… Look. How about this? We can exchange phone numbers and when my granny is done I’ll make sure you get it, alright?” Joseph hoped that would be good enough.

“Really? You mean it? Sure, that sounds good!” You felt happier already! You were quick to get a piece of paper from your bag to be able to write down your phone number for him. Come to think of it, this guy was actually pretty cute now that you got a better look at him. 

Joseph had been thinking the same about you… First that cute little pout you made when you were sad about not getting the book, and now getting an even better look - maybe it was a good thing that you two reached for the same book. Score! Now that the two of you have exchanged numbers, Joseph can definitely give you the book when his granny is done with it but he could also ask you out on a date!

“Thanks, I’ll call you real soon. Uh, my name’s Joseph Joestar by the way! You’ll hear from me soon! I gotta get home before my granny gets mad… See ya!” Joseph was quick to check out the book and head out. On his way home he realized he forgot to ask for your name! At least now he really did have an excuse to call you sooner rather than later.

[elizainjapan]

June 1st- Rice Farming and Free Day

Today was super informative, and while I didn’t think I would enjoy walking through the mud in socks for an hour, it turned out to be pretty fun. My day started off early with another quiz. I had done the readings the night before, but it was still a jump scare because we had to be on the bus by 8am. I had to skip breakfast again to take it. Once we were on the bus, Nico entertained us with some improv stand-up for the better half of an hour. He killed it, and I’m sure he’s the most extroverted person that I’ve ever met. The rice fields were beautiful too, I didn’t expect there to be so many flowers around. Once we made it to the fields, I was pretty nervous about steeping bare socks in mud, but it ended up feelings kinda nice. In the end, I feel like I planted a good half of a row. I’m sure it will be uprooted immediate yo the done correctly but the sentiment was definitely there. Unfortunately, we ran out of rice plants faster than expected, so we had a good hour and a half to kill before we could take the bus back. I hung out with Sam, Aulora, Nico, Raj, and Vishnu for most of it. We played one game of hide and seek before realizing that was a really stupid idea. It was at this point that my head started to really hurt, and I could feel myself getting tired again. Once we got back on the bus, I could’ve immediately fallen asleep, but I tried to push through. I got home and showered before taking the train (by myself!!!!!) to Shibuya! I was so impressed with myself, and I finally felt like I was in a big city. I met up with some family for drinks there and it was very cute. I was debating staying out in Shibuya until some other classmates got there for dinner at 6, but my head was hurting so badly that I was starting to see black on the side of my vision. On the train home, I got a little misty eyed thinking about how I’m really here. It doesn’t seem real at all. I really appreciated the alone time on the train. This euphoria didn’t last too long though, because as soon as I got home, I knocked out. I woke up about 4 hours later with my head still pounding. I’ll probably run and get Advil when I finish this post. Anyways, that was my day! I’m excited for my free day tomorrow.

Academic Reflection-

There were multiple times today when I noticed similarities between the readings and our activity. I have a personal interest in agriculture because I’m doing research on the effects of pesticides in Florida’s agricultural hub, particularly related to birth defects. In the second reading by Jones and Kimura, they briefly mentioned the small-farm pesticide issue that Japan’s industry faces. I am also very interested in policy, so that entire reading was very prevalent to me. The first correlation I found today was when we got off the bus to see full-on suburbia. In Florida, there is no way you would ever find a tomato farm surrounded by hundreds of houses and apartments. The readings mentioned that Japan has hundreds of these tiny farms that consist of part-time workers, but I didn’t understand how small these areas were until I was there. I could see the issue in lack of industrial tools on such small farms (even though I know that this specific rice field we went to was for visitors and educational services).

The second correlation I found with the readings was in the working population. While there were many school children visiting for field trips, the actual farmers were super old! The man who brought a wheelbarrow of plants for us to sow was at least 70, which is absolutely insane. I could not imagine my grandfather even lifting a wheelbarrow, much less planting rice for hours a day. I could understand why the sons of these family farms decide to leave for the city, but the effect that has on the working class is very unique to Japan. In my research on Florida, the average age of migrant workers is about 40. The fact that the majority of Japanese farmers are over 70 is insane.

[officialleehadan]

Pinion Wings

Hello darlings! Today's story was brought to you by Hel! Darling, thank you so much for your support!

Prompt: Higher Being Housemates

+++

Michael was, in a word, obnoxious.

He didn’t like the Cats, which Tracy had expected.

He didn’t like Nephilim, which was also reasonably expected.

He didn’t like his brothers, which was honestly pretty entertaining.

Rafael was clearly used to being the go-between for Michael and Gabriel, who spent most of the next hour trading barbed snipes with each other, both under threat of wing-numbing if either of them tried to escalate to real violence.

If they were in Heaven, Rafael had explained with a put-upon sigh, he would have allowed them to fight and get it out of their system. Here on the mortal plane however, a battle between two archangels could seriously damage the world. Even if the battle was just a tussle between brothers.

So the Archangel of Healing sat placidly between his brothers, one hand on Michael’s shoulder, the other on Gabriel’s elbow, and smiled while his tea went cold so everyone could have a talk without a fight breaking out.

“Nephilim are a balance,” Gabriel was saying to Rabbi Herschel, who had managed to recover enough to have a reasonable discussion. In some unspoken agreement, Imam Abdul was talking with Michael about Holy weapons and ways to manage demons in the decidedly more lethal ways. Tracy didn’t really approve of that part, but she did probably have some demon fights in her future, so she listened anyway. “The line that only humans can walk between Heaven and Hell. Between good and evil, although those concepts are rather more broad than truly applies here.”

“Wait, I thought the Great War was over good and evil?” Tracy asked, a frankly shameful student of theology, considering her life. She had read the bible, made Blake and Angelika explain it, and watched their heated arguments over the whole business. Given the disagreement between an actual angel and demon about the text, Tracy figured it had some issues. The rest of the religious texts were no better, unfortunately. “You tried to explain it, but I wasn’t really listening.”

“I’m not surprised,” Gabriel said dryly, and sighed. “It’s often the way with Nephilim. Something about you often seems to reject the greater principles of the whole affair.”

“Whole affair, he calls the war that nearly destroyed Heaven, and created Hell,” Michael muttered, apparently offended enough to interject. He had, begrudgingly, explained what he knew of Nephilim to Tracy and his brothers. Now Gabriel and Rafael were going over it all again, translated into small words for the stupid human. Tracy would have felt worse about it, but none of the three Holy Men seemed to be following the explanation terribly well, either. Tracy wondered if their faith made things easier, or harder to understand. “We lost millions of angels in that battle, to destruction or corruption. The Fallen, you demons call them, but they were our family, once, before they betrayed for the Betrayer.”

Michael also did not like discussing Samael. Tracy hadn’t brought it up after he threatened to stab Gabriel for it, even if she was pretty sure that Rafael’s Disappointed Face was just as bad as Angelika’s, and that Michael probably wouldn’t risk it just to shut up a human. She would ask later, when the Angel of Smiting was no longer in he room.

“We don’t meet them for the most part,” Blake contributed. Angelika was seated just beside him until their wing-feathers mingled together, and they became a shared lap for no less than six of the Cats. They, of course, were keeping very quiet except to hiss at Michael whenever he moved too quickly. “The Fallen. They stay in their citadels. Risen aren’t welcome there. The only time we see them is when they’ve decided to make a move on each other, or if we get powerful enough to be interesting. It’s how I ended up working for Belial.”

“Perhaps that is why you have more flexibility of being,” Rafael mused. He leaned over and caught the tip of Blake’s wing before the demon could stop him, and pulled it out to full extension. “Stop struggling, young one. If I meant to harm you, I certainly would have by now. I want to see your wings.”

“I don’t want you to see my wings,” Blake muttered rebelliously, but gave in when Tracy caught his eye. He might be defiant, but he wasn’t going to refuse a direct order here in front of all the angels. It was too important that they remain a united front. He mantled his wings and huffed a very bird-y, put-upon hiss. “Fine. Go ahead. Poke and prod. Yank them out if you want. They just grow back.”

“I’m not going to pinion you,” Rafael said, entirely offended by the very suggestion. Gabriel winced and even Michael looked uncomfortable at the suggestion. There was some history there, but Tracy wasn’t about to ask about it now. “Even if I wasn’t a healer, I would not do such a thing.”

Blake ducked his head, appropriately chastened, but he still let Angelika take his hand reassuringly. She had been their Lady Redemption before she was Lady Redemption, and her wings had changed too. They were united in their shared strangeness.

“I told him they were like mine,” Gabriel contributed with a gesture at one shoulder where his wings would have been if he had them out. He didn’t, of course. Six people with wings in one small kitchen was at least four too many, and both Angelika and Blake had theirs out already. Michael, of course, had put his away after Rafael numbed them, and Gabriel didn’t have his wings out unless he was making a statement or using them to fly. “Changed by the behaviors that altered the core of his being.”

“You’re not entirely wrong,” Rafael said. The tip of the feather he held between his fingers silvered, and he raised a brow. “Ordinarily, I would agree, but…”

He held the feather, still attached to Blake’s wing, up for his brothers to see.

“This effect is more visible on the Cats,” he said, voice in the practiced cadence of a teacher. “They bleach out when exposed to Holy influences, with no sign of discomfort. Blake, can you feel this?”

“It’s like static,” Blake reported and tugged on his wing. Raphael obligingly let him go and the feather faded back to black as Blake finger-groomed it. “Not bad static, but not great. What is it?”

“Choice,” Michael said quietly, his eyes on the place where Rafael’s fingers bleached Blake’s feather. “The most dangerous thing between Heaven and Hell. We fought a war over choice. Millions died, over choice. And now you and your very, very strange household have dredged open that ancient wound once more.”

“A bone that heals wrong must be rebroken,” Rafael said, and released both his brothers so he could take a sip of his cold tea. “Perhaps it is time that we examined that old wound and see if it has truly healed as it should.”

+++

HBH - Higher Being Housemates V2:

Feathers and Tea

Grey and Red  (Subscriber Only!)

From the Heavens  (Subscriber Only!)

Silver Shine

Hounds of Hell

Potential Alliance

Wing Blade Runner (Subscriber Only!)

Third Side Saving

Figuring Fun (Subscriber Only!)

On my Turf

Fortified Three

Visit a Friend

Call the Troops (Subscriber Only!)

Men of the Cloth

Lost in Translation (Subscriber Only!)

The Voice of God

White Socks (Subscriber Only!)

Wing Flick (Subscriber Only!)

Pinion Wings (New!)

+++

MASTERLIST

[the-good-projxct]

Feb 28th, 2024

10:11 pm. I am upstairs in Karen. Listening to Mapa’s Mother Africa. This song is fire. 

I am obsessed. I found it to post on my stories and it's just…chef’s kiss. It’s an instrumental btw. I had such a nice, wholesome, chill and vibey day. Like this is what I hoped for when I said I was coming home to lounge and chill. I was up mad early today, 7am I was up and at it. I video chatted with Zaneta, called Munene, and texted with my mom. I posted on IG. I went downstairs around noon and ate some rice with pili pili. I had some tea. Then I went and got my book and my agenda. I organized my agenda because I hadn’t touched it since a few days before I left PEI. I sat with the elders Karimi and Moka wa Mwiti. We chatted, vibed, and laughed. I played with baby Jason Mwenda. It started raining heavily which made the day get cooler, so we bundled up and went inside. Amirah and Chanel called me to catch up but also because weuh. Being Black in America is a wild box to be in. Like anyone and everyone is tryna stake their claim on Blackness without actually experiencing Blackness. I am so glad I am away from alladat. My phone battery died so I left my phone upstairs and the power went out. I got a blanket and laid on the couch and everyone was in the living room with a fire going. We just chilled like that for hours. It was sooooo nice. We were joking, laughing, jabs, history, present, dreams and just relationship building via time. I had such a lovely time just being with my people. I kept thinking that this is what I wanted. This is what I hoped for. And here I am. At supper time, we had cowpeas. It was pretty Good. With cabbage and potatoes. I didn’t know that cow peas make me bloated so my belly is pretty swollen and sore right now. It is what it is. SweSwe came home a bit later than I expected and when she got here I was upstairs in the shower. I went down with a shiny oiled up face to say hi to her and we had a laugh at how freshly showered I looked. She was upset today, I felt sad for her. Like she is quite old and experiencing really unusual behavior from her own family. I would say most people around her are leeches, just waiting for what they can take, rarely offering her something. Anyway, she was stranded at the physio clinic today and the people responsible to get her home were not answering the phone. I dunno fam, if I had a car and could drive, I would take her and wait right there in the clinic. I did it in Canada. But all these “family” members are blood family but they just leech off of her dawg. And it breaks my heart because she deserves better. At the end of the day, many of the ones leeching are her own children and grandchildren so I cannot get involved. All I want from her and for her is time with me. And I want this really cool photo of her that hangs in the hallways. That is all I ever want. The rest is time. Just time to be together. On this journey of sobriety and seeking Gøod. I know God and the Universe are with me and for me so I will never lack. I can and will continue to build myself up, I don’t need to leech off of an 86 year old woman. All in all, I really enjoyed today. I am going to finish this daily writing then do my meditation and talk to Munene for a little bit. I am learning to let go and let God.  I struggle with romantic love. Platonic and familial I am so confident in. Romantic, I have trust issues dawg. But we healing. So here, I trust & dive in.  I deserve all the Love. Love is Gøod. Life is Gøod. Ase. Ase.

[sp-newlifestyle]

New journey

03-31-24

Today I did my workout, made sure to cycle at high intensity intervals for a longer time than usual to really push myself. For breakfast I ate my usual yogurt but since i ran out of cinnamon powder i decided to use pumpkin. It added a really nice flavor and made me think of fall! Now for lunch I ate a fruit salad. For dinner i ate some chicken with rice and a beet salad. Now today officially marks my last day of spring break. Now the reason im more upset is that since im starting school again, it means that i will need to wake up much more earlier than before to complete my workout. I will be setting my alarm for 4:30 which seems insane to me because i just can't even compjrend waking up at such an early time. I will also need to make sure that I fall asleep early or else I know i won't be able to wake up in the morning and i will fail my streak. Especially since yesterday marks a week since i've started this journey and blog! I would hate to break my streak. So at an early time i will be taking melatonin so i can be sure i rest well and get all the hours necessary. The only issue with this is that when i babysit i normally arrive home around 10pm and i want to go to sleep around 8-8:30 so im not 100% what to do in that situation. Maybe i'll just leave it like that and recover the next day. Not too sure, i do know that eventually i will get used to it. Now thankfully for lunch my school has a salad bar so that's what ill be eating since i can control what i want to get on my salad and i've eaten it before. It's really good and filling, much more filling than some of the hot lunches. 

04-01-24

Today was my first day back to school after spring break and i will say that it was hard. The hardest part was waking up and forcing myself to do the workout. Thankfully I managed to do it. I fought the biggest urge to just go back to sleep so I ate some breakfast, my usual yogurt. For lunch I went to my schools salad bar and got rice with chicken, diced tomatoes, a little bit of onion and lettuce. I drizzled both sauces they offered, ginger sesame and ranch. I also ate a pear. For dinner I ate some watermelon since I wasn't that hungry. I mediated and journaled. I felt really tired throughout the day and just wanted to take a nap. It's really early, 7pm, as i type this and all i want to do is go to sleep so i will. This will be a much more shorter entry but hopefully in a week i've grown accustomed to waking up so early that it won't bother me as much. maybe tomorrow will be a much better day!! Thank you!!

04-02-24

Today was more easier than yesterday. I slept a good amount and woke up feeling good. I completed my workout and pushed myself to do more. I feel like that signals that i was feeling quite good. For breakfast I ate my usual. For lunch I basically ate the same thing as yesterday. In my school the salad bar stays the same for a week for changing, so expect my lunches to stay the same. For dinner I had gotten out with friend and I got a chipotle chicken pasta. Now the pasta honestly made me sad because it wasn't as good. So i did feel like as if i wasted my money. But overall it was a pretty good day. Once I was back home I mediated and journaled. I would say today was a pretty good day. I truly do believe that waking up earlier is going to be hard getting used to but I am happy that my sleep schedule has fixed itself. i'm not entirely sure how i will feel about it in the summer since i will be spending atleast 2 weeks being lazy but still definitely will help in the long run. Especially since i plan on going to the gym and i will most likely be going in the early morning. I also can't believe it's april! i feel like yesterday we were still in february now april? insane. however i do hope this month is too crazy hot and is actually bareable because i do not like super hot weather like that. 

04-03-24

Just like yesterday I truly felt tjat today was much easier than yesterday. amazing compared to monday. I woke up early and completed my workout. For breakfast I ate my yogurt again. For lunch I ate the exact same thing. For dinner I ate chicken with rice and a salad. Now an issue I have is that my school lunch. Well the salad to be exact, is extremely dry without the dressing. I wish to go less and less of the dressing but when I eat it without dressing i feel like i'm going to choke on every bite. The chicken is extremely dry and with the rice, an even worse combination. But besides that it was a pretty good day. I was a bit upset because I do babysit today and will be arriving home a bit late. Past my new bedtime and i know i will struggle with waking up the next morning. If some of you struggle with this, what do you do to combat it? Is there some sort of secret or way to trick your brain into thinking you got enough sleep? Do let me know because I do not play about my sleep. Hahah, either way hope you're all having a good day just like i am! 

04-04-24

Today felt much smoother compared to yesterday. I managed to get a good night’s sleep and woke up feeling refreshed and energized. As I tackled my workout, I pushed myself to go the extra mile, a clear sign that I was in good spirits. Breakfast followed my usual routine, providing a reliable start to the day. Lunch mirrored yesterday’s fare, a consequence of the static menu at my school’s salad bar. While predictable, it ensures consistency in my meals throughout the week. For dinner I ate salmon with rice! While it wasn't much the salmon flavor was absolutely delicious that made it extremely enjoyable. Upon returning home, I indulged in my customary ritual of meditation and journaling, finding solace and reflection in these practices. Overall, it was a satisfying day. I’ve also begun to notice the benefits of waking up earlier, although I anticipate challenges as I transition into the lazy days of summer. Nevertheless, I’m confident that maintaining a consistent sleep schedule will pay dividends, particularly as I plan to incorporate early morning gym sessions into my routine.

04-05-24

Today I didn't go to school since it was my dad’s birthday. I woke up at the usual time though and finished my workout. After I had finished it I ate a light breakfast since I took my dad out to eat and knew it would be heavy and calorie loaded. I ate some cereal for breakfast and ended up falling back asleep. When i woke up again, i was a bit hungry but decided on eating some fruit to avoid getting too full before going out to eat. Later in the evening my dad wanted to go to olive garden so that's where i took him. Now even though i am eating much more healthier than before, i was really craving olive gardens signature chicken alfredo so that's what i got. I never have been able to finish it and this time it was no different. I ate about half of it and decided that i could the other half tomorrow or another day. I also ate some dessert since my dad got a little birthday song sanged to him. I did forget how carb loaded olive garden is but i do know one time won't hurt you. I do know that in the future i will try to look for more healthier options since the calories are insane. But it was still a lovely day and i'm glad i was able to take my dad out to eat in a restaurant. Once i got home i did my meditation and journaling. Now quick question for you guys! Do you guys eat out? and if so do you go to fast food restaurants? if you do what do you order? is it different from your past orders and how often do you get it? Thanks!

04-06-24

I woke up today and completed my workout. I really increased the high intensity intervals to the point i had to take a small break. Now this was just a  moment of wanting to see how much I can do. I won't be doing this often i just felt the urge to do so today. For breakfast i went out to eat with my family and i got a veggie omelette with fruit on the side. While seeing my dads breakfast that consisted of fatty goods. I couldn't help but want some. Thankfully i was able to hold back and eat what i ordered so it was healthy! For lunch I ate i ate some chicken with rice and potato salad. For dinner i ate salmon with rice, pasta salad, and refried beans. I felt quite full today considering i ate quite some filling foods. After all of that i mediated and journaled. I felt pretty good today. I do believe that i worked out a bit harder today due the fact that i ate a lot yesterday, but it was a once every while. Either way today was a good day and i do hope more are to come. I can't believe its time to upload my weekly blog again. I felt like it was going to take forever but here I am, going to make sure everything looks good before uploading it on tumblr. 

[timeoverload]

I am so worn out and emotional. It wasn't the best day. It seemed like things kept going wrong. I felt like I couldn't breathe all day. I didn't even take my full lunch break because I had a pile of stuff waiting for me in decontam. I just had to eat something because I was so hungry. It was a lot busier than I expected it to be and I didn't have any help. The only person that could have helped me went home sick.

The girl who went home was acting erratically when she got to work at noon. I was coming back from lunch and she was banging on the door to our department because she had left her badge at home and needed someone to let her in. She kept doing it after she saw me which was weird because she knows I could badge her in. I let her in but she was acting very strange the entire time she was at work and it was confusing. I feel like she has been a little more aggressive lately. I am concerned about her but it also seems like she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. She is the same girl that invited me fishing last summer but then uninvited me because I didn't have my own kayak and fishing stuff. She is hard to read and I know she has a lot of mental health issues. I believe she told me she had bpd and I know that can make relationships difficult. It still makes me sad because we get along so well sometimes and I enjoy working with her. She told someone that she was going to go work in the basement if a position opened up down there because she wants to work with people who actually respect her. That hurts my heart because I try so hard to be nice to her. I'm not sure how I could have disrespected her because she doesn't communicate. I just told her that I was proud of her a few weeks ago but she didn't think I meant it. I remember training her and I was so patient even though she said some pretty nasty things to me. She got help since then and I thought she was doing better but I'm pretty sure she's drinking and doing a lot of drugs again. She wants to work in the basement with someone she knows can get her what she wants. It's just sad but there's nothing I can do. I feel bad talking about her on here but it has been bothering me all afternoon. I hope she takes care of herself and I will continue to be nice to her. I know she's a good person.

I am glad there hasn't been a lot of drama otherwise. I am getting along with everyone else for the most part. Social interaction is exhausting for me though.

My car seemed to be working better today so that's good. I didn't have to make any stops so that probably helped too. I suppose if I can make it through the next couple days, I will try to drive to my appointment on Friday. I am still very nervous about it so hopefully I make it. I should probably try to go to the store tomorrow just in case.

I also remembered earlier that I haven't done my taxes yet so I need to do that this weekend. I'm not looking forward to that but I know it shouldn't take that long. I usually try to get them done sooner but I guess I have been worried about other things so I forgot about it. I wish I didn't have so much to do at home.

Anyway I am exhausted and I can't think anymore. I'm not that hungry but I ate a lot earlier. Someone also brought cookies so I had some of those. Normally I don't eat a lot of sweets at work but I have been craving a lot of sugar. I have been drinking more sugar free drinks now so I think my blood sugar is too low sometimes. I'm not sure because I don't have a way to check my blood sugar. I know I'm not diabetic but a lot of people in my family are so I worry about that.

I don't have much else to say. I am going to get ready for bed and relax now. I need to go to sleep early I think. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow too. :) 💖💖💖