#today and the past 3-4 days have been very exhausting but i did this little project to relax myself and it turned out very well

[pothosrays]

crow 794

[hotsugarbyglassanimals]

it's probably the sunnier weather that's doing stuff to my brain to make me more optimistic but it's so interesting having a brain that craves a lot of self-fulfillment to the point where I can move past some hang-ups around perfection by going "oh I really wanna do that though" and then I do it well because researching how to do it right is also a rewarding part of the process

[stop-talking]

So I'm stuck on this shithole island, and I can't even have a smoke? (pt. 5)

Derek Danforth x fem reader

Word count: 4k

Tags: 18+, Derek x fem reader, no use of y/n, angst, lots of fluff, enemies, enemies to lovers, fluff, (very) slowburn, sass, banter, misogynistic undertones, (Derek is a prick), suggestive themes, mentions of drug use, withdrawals, rehab, masturbating.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 6

─────────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────────────────

To celebrate a week of sobriety, you decide to surprise Derek with a cake.

Of course, since there isn't exactly a bakery on a remote island, you had to bake it yourself.

Which you did. Last night. Now you stand in the kitchen, wondering how exactly you should decorate the damn thing.

And what to write on it?

"Congrats, maybe now you'll live past 40!" No, that's morbid.

"Bye-bye blunts and blow!" Too cringy.

"Happy one-week?" Hmm... that sounds like an anniversary thing.

Damnit. Maybe this isn't a situation that calls for cake after all. You sigh and continue to mumble random slogans to yourself as you slather the icing on nice and thick.

It looks a little messy, but you're not exactly a professional baker. Which is unfortunate, because that's probably exactly what he's used to. Oh well. It's the thought that counts, right?

You just want to show him how proud you are. He really has changed a lot over the past week, surprising you every day with how... normal he can be. When he wants to, at least.

Picking up a piping bag of green icing, you start placing decorative dollops around the edge of the cake. Some of them are a little lopsided, but it doesn't look too bad overall.

What now? You mindlessly lick some stray icing off your wrist and stare down at the gaping blank space in the middle of the cake.

Eventually, you settle on three words.

"Proud of you."

It's fitting. He has a lot to be proud of. Not just the sobriety stuff, but everything.

He's been picking up new skills every day. You smile as you tidy up the cake decorating mess strewn about the counter, thinking back to your first time cooking with Derek.

He'd been cocky and overconfident, and so utterly dumbfounded when that pancake met a splatter-y death on the stovetop.

And yet, he still got back up and tried again. After relentless pestering from you, obviously, but it still counted.

You stand back and survey your work. Cream colored icing, green lettering, and... okay, maybe the hearts were a bit much. Hopefully he didn't get the wrong idea. You're just... proud. That's all.

Now the only thing missing is Derek. He went upstairs an hour or so ago for a nap, mumbling something about a headache. Poor thing.

He's been so damn clingy lately, always touching you in some way or another. It seemed almost subconscious for him at times. A hand on your shoulder, his knee against yours, an arm around your waist... no matter what you were doing, he had to have physical contact.

You smile as you make your way upstairs to his room. Maybe today would be the day you finally give him a proper hug.

・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・

Derek is woken from his fitful sleep to the sound of you calling out his name.

Usually, that would be a welcome sound. You're always such a good distraction from his withdrawals.

But right now? He just wants to sleep. No, more than that. He wants to hibernate, to go into a goddamn coma and never have to wake up again.

"Can I have another twenty minutes?" He croaks, lifting his head from the mess of pillows to call out to you.

Apparently he can't, because he hears the door click open, and you peek your head in through the crack.

Derek just groans and buries his face back into the bed. His sheets and blankets are a tangled mess, and he's twisted himself into an awkward angle throughout his nap.

"Come on, It's been over an hour already." Derek can feel the bed shift as you take a seat on the edge.

"Well I'm still fuckin' exhausted." He mumbles into the pillow, not bothering to turn and look at you.

"Derek. You should know by now I'm not gonna let you rot in bed all day."

The almost sarcastic tone in your voice is what finally breaks him. This week has been hell, and you're just mocking him.

He hasn't only given up drugs this week, but all of his servants and staff as well. It was one thing to help you with cooking, but yesterday you'd made him do laundry. LAUNDRY. What the fuck did he look like? A maid?

"Fuck off." He grumbles a little louder, pushing your hand away as you reach to play with his hair.

His sour attitude apparently doesn't deter you any, because he can hear you laughing at him. Derek grits his teeth and finally sits up, glaring at you.

"You're really fucking annoying, you know that? Always pissing me off."

The words leave his mouth before he can really think them through, and when he sees your smile fall he immediately regrets them.

Unfortunately, he's too tired, sick, and stubborn to take it all back. Even while his heart drops into his stomach, he continues to glare daggers at you.

"Alright... twenty more minutes." With that, you slide off his bed and quickly make your way to the door.

Fuck. As soon as the door closes, Derek is left in darkness, in more ways than one.

His stomach twists into knots and he can feel his chest grow heavy. He tries to scramble after you, but gets caught in the tangle of blankets and ends up falling to the floor instead.

God damn it. Why does he always have to be such a fuck up? You aren't annoying. You're the only thing keeping him sane right now, and he goes and pushes you away.

He collapses on the floor, sighing at the feeling of the cold hardwood against his cheek. A few tears roll down his face, and he laughs bitterly as a thought crosses his mind.

Your thighs make a much better pillow than the floor.

・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・

Twenty minutes later, you knock at Derek's door once more. He mumbles something incomprehensible, and you take that as permission to enter.

The sight in front of you makes you pause. What the hell is he doing? You flip the lights on just to make sure your eyes aren't playing tricks on you.

They aren't.

Derek Danforth lies on the floor next to his bed, groaning and blinking up at the harsh overhead light.

"Looks real comfortable down there." You tease, setting the glass of water you brought him on his bedside table before joining him on the floor.

He refuses to look at you, throwing his arm over his eyes and groaning.

"You need to eat. And drink. I brought you some water."

Derek stays quiet as you sit next to him and place a hand on his shoulder. His lips are pressed into a tight line, and he's still hiding behind his arm.

"Why are you so goddamn nice?" He finally groans.

"We've already had that talk."

"Okay, then why are you so goddamn nice even when I'm being a prick?"

You move his arm away from his face, and he doesn't fight it. When you finally get a look at him, it's obvious he's been crying.

Derek Danforth. Crying on his bedroom floor. That's a sight.

A sight that really breaks your heart, actually. His watery eyes threaten to make yours overflow as well, so you quickly wipe away his tears with the hem of your shirt.

"You think I expect you to go through three weeks of rehab and not be a prick sometimes?"

Derek actually chuckles at that, and finally meets your gaze. He looks absolutely wrecked.

"I didn't mean what I said earlier."

"I know."

You scoot a little closer, and gently tug at him. He takes the hint, placing his head on your lap with his cheek against your thigh.

Neither of you talk for a few minutes. He just closes his eyes and sighs as you play with his hair. Over the past week, you've learned what he likes. Tug at his curls in just the right way, and he...

Derek lets out a soft whimper and you smile. There it is.

"Wanna make it up to me?" You tease.

He glances up at you, an eager look in his eyes.

"How?"

"Get rid of this." You laugh and trail a finger along his jawline, feeling at his overgrown stubble. He most likely hasn't shaved since arriving here a week ago.

"What? You don't like it?"

"Do you?"

"..."

Derek pouts, pushing your hand away and feeling at it himself. His brow furrows adorably as he considers your words.

"It looks manly."

"There's a difference between manly and cave-man-ly."

He scoffs at that, but when you start poking and prodding at his face where his stubble has grown out, he cracks a smile.

"Fine, fine. You win. I'll shave."

He swats your intrusive hands away, then sits up and stretches.

Now that he's up and moving, you decide it's time to go. On your way out the door, you hesitate, remembering the reason you came to get him in the first place.

"Oh, don't take too long. I have a surprise waiting for you downstairs."

・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・

Derek stares at himself in the bathroom mirror, feeling at his stubble. You're right, he does look better with a trim.

He knows he should head downstairs, but his heart is beating a million times a second, and not even from withdrawals.

That little comment about a surprise? God damnit. You're teasing him. You have to be. How could you say something like that and not expect him to get excited?

Derek sighs and tucks his boner into the waistband of his boxers, then looks at himself in the mirror one more time to make sure it isn't noticeable. It's not... mostly.

Damnit. He could probably take a few minutes and rub one out, but he'd absolutely die of embarrassment if you walked in on him AGAIN.

He groans and turns to leave. Oh well. It's hidden well enough, and you'd already seen worse. Plus... maybe if this surprise is anything like his fantasies, he'd have an opportunity to use it.

"Oh, wait wait wait!" You scramble over to him as he trudges downstairs, keeping him from entering the living room.

"Are you gonna tell me what my surprise is?"

"No! Then it wouldn't be a surprise at all. Close your eyes."

Derek does as instructed, shutting his eyes tight. When feels you grab his hand and start to tug him along, he can't help but sneak a peek.

"I swear... if your Idea of a surprise is to walk me into a wall-"

"Oh, shut it." You scoff and clap your free hand over his eyes.

"Just trust me. And no peeking."

Derek grumbles, but he does trust you. A lot more than he lets on. So, he blindly stumbles along as you lead him into the... kitchen? Yeah, he's pretty sure he's in the kitchen.

"Okay, you can look." You uncover his eyes, but keep a tight hold on his hand as you beam at him.

"What do you think?"

What does he think?

What does he think?

Derek chokes up at the sight before him, and has to turn his head so you don't see the way his eyes are watering again.

A cake. You baked him a fucking cake to say you're proud of him. And he called you annoying.

"It's to celebrate being a week sober." You explain, leaning over to try and catch a glimpse of his face.

He squeezes your hand tightly, but can't get any words out.

"A week." He whispers, blinking back tears. Fuck, has it been a week already? It feels like hardly a day has passed.

"Oh, love. C'mere."

Derek lets himself be pulled into your arms. He groans from your touch, melting into the embrace and burying his face in your neck.

God, this is perfect. He's wanted to be held like this for so long, but now that it's finally happening... he can't help but feel guilty.

"I'm such an ass." He mumbles into your neck, lips pressed to your skin.

"Not always." You laugh softly and pull him a little closer.

Too close. He can feel your breasts pressing against him... fuck. Any closer and you might be able to feel what he has tucked away.

"Not always?" Derek scoffs, pulling back just enough to look you in the eyes.

"Is that really the best you've got to make me feel better?"

"What? You want me to lie?"

"Maybe."

He stares into your eyes, heart pounding in his chest as he suddenly realizes just how close you are. It takes everything in him not to lean in and bridge the few inch gap between the two of you.

"You look nice like this."

Derek can feel his face heating up as you cup his face with a hand. Shit, If you don't stop soon he might actually just kiss you.

"Like what?" He asks breathlessly, mesmerized by your touch.

"With a trim." You smile and run your thumb along his his stubble, eyes trailing from his jaw to his lips.

For a second, Derek is sure you're going to kiss him. He tilts his head ever so slightly in anticipation, and his eyes flutter shut.

"So... you want a piece of cake?" You clear your throat, suddenly dropping your arms and breaking the embrace.

Of course you weren't going to kiss him. Derek gives you a half-hearted smile and nods, trying to hide just how crushed he feels.

"Yeah, sure. Cake."

・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・

"No, love, you're supposed to do the edge pieces first."

You chuckle as Derek angrily fumbles with two puzzle pieces. They quite obviously don't match, but he's trying to force them together anyways.

"Sorry, I wasn't aware puzzles had rules." He scoffs, dramatically tossing the little cardboard chunks across the table.

You'd dragged him out to the porch for a little fresh air, since he insisted he was too tired to make the five minute walk down to the beach.

"Well, they do. The biggest rule is don't throw the puzzle pieces, or you'll lose them." You laugh and continue flipping pieces over so they're facing upwards.

It hasn't been very long since you started the puzzle, and Derek already looks bored.

"Is this supposed to be fun?" He grumbles, helping you flip over pieces with one hand, the other finding it's way to rest on top of yours.

You wonder if he even notices he's doing it again. Touching you like that. You've gotten used to it by now, and usually just let it happen.

"Oh, come on. You gonna let a puzzle get the best of you, Danforth? A child could do this."

Derek makes a face and gestures to the sea of little cardboard scraps scattered across the table.

"A child could do a one thousand piece puzzle?" He scoffs.

"Okay, maybe not..." You laugh and adjust your hand, intertwining your fingers with his.

"But I'm sure you can do it."

Derek's face flushes pink, and you aren't sure whether its from the praise or the way you're so casually holding his hand. Probably both. But so what if you're holding his hand? He's the one who started it.

He just mumbles something under his breath and looks back down at the table, suddenly very motivated to help you pick through the pieces.

His hand doesn't leave yours.

・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・

Derek wakes up from a deep sleep to the sound of your voice and the feeling of your nails gently scratching his scalp.

He gasps and tries to sit up, but finds he's stuck.

Er, not stuck, just... underneath you?

"Come on, love. You slept through nearly the whole movie." You laugh softly and start to nudge him off your lap.

Derek finally remembers what's going on, and pulls his arm out from under you. Apparently he'd tucked it beneath your knees while he slept, because he sure didn't remember doing it.

"Told you a chick flick would put me to sleep." He mumbles, fumbling to sit up. He finds his other arm is also stuck, wedged in between your waist and the couch.

"Sure made yourself comfortable, huh?" You tease, scooting forward and freeing him.

"Shut up." Derek reluctantly pulls away from you, sitting up and looking at you with a dazed expression. He wipes the drool from the corner of his mouth and groans. That really was a good nap.

"It's just so easy to fall asleep on you." The words come out before he can really think over them, and he freezes in embarrassment. Thankfully, you seem to take it in a different way than he meant it.

"Oh, am I that boring? I put you to sleep?"

"Exactly. I'm yawning already." He teases, letting out an exaggerated yawn that only earns him an elbow to the ribs.

"Hmph. Next time you can fall asleep somewhere else."

"But you're so damn comfortable." He whines, scrambling after you as you make your way upstairs. You can't leave him yet. You just can't.

"Well, your bed is plenty comfortable as well. Go to sleep."

Derek is suddenly struck with a thought, and takes your hand before you can slip away into your room for the night.

"What if..." He starts, placing his other hand on your hip and pulling you a little closer.

"What if I don't want to sleep in my bed tonight?"

You give him an incredulous look, and Derek can hardly believe the words that just came out of his mouth. Fuck, you're going to reject him. He just knows it.

"My bed?" You ask, raising an eyebrow and looking down at the way his hand is gripping your hip.

Derek can hear his heart pounding in his ears. He's being WAY too forward, and probably seems like a creep. Damnit.

"I... I just won't be able to sleep without you. I know it." He stutters, stumbling over his words. It's the truth, though. The only time he's been able to sleep peacefully lately is when he's touching you.

"Derek, love..." You chuckle and start to brush his hands away, taking a step back.

Fuck. He needs to show you how serious he is about this.

"Please? Just for tonight?" He grabs both of your hands, intertwining your fingers with his as he meets your gaze. You said he has puppy-eyes or something, right? Derek does his best to look pitiful.

It's not hard to do. He really does feel pitiful in this moment, begging you so blatantly. He might as well get on his fucking knees.

"Fine." You finally relent, groaning and gently shoving Derek aside as you head into your bedroom.

"But I hope you know I kick in my sleep."

"I don't mind taking that risk."

・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・

After quickly getting ready for bed, you settle down under the covers while Derek stands awkwardly to the side.

"Well? You gonna join me?" You ask, patting the spot next to you.

God, how did you get roped into this? Him and those damn puppy eyes. He's so hard to say no to.

"Oh, uh, yeah." Derek scrambles to climb into bed beside you. He looks like he's having just as much trouble believing what's happening.

"Sleeping with you wasn't really in my job description, you know. I'm complaining to your mother after this."

"Please don't." He groans, squirming and getting comfortable under the shared blanket. He keeps his distance, seeming content just to be in the same bed as you.

"You gonna sleep in that?" You lift the blanket to peek at his outfit, a simple t-shirt and sweatpants.

"Yeah? What's wrong with it?" He pouts and tugs the blanket back down, acting self-conscious.

"Nothing, just... You aren't going to be hot?"

"Are you trying to get me to take my pants off, sweetheart?"

"God, no. I've seen enough of that."

Your teasing clearly gets to him, because he rolls over to face away from you, grumbling. You swear his ears are a little pink. Is he blushing?

"Oh, love. I'm just messing with you." You scoot a little closer to him, and put a hand on his waist.

"I know." He whispers, breath hitched.

"Is it okay if I do this?"

He groans when you get even closer, spooning him from behind. Your arm wraps around his waist and you press your entire body against his.

"M-maybe I will get hot..." He mumbles, but makes no effort to push you away. Instead, he completely melts under your touch, relaxing against the pillow.

"Keep your pants on, Danforth."

"Yes ma'am."

・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・

Derek has been in bed with you for what feels like hours, (though really only around half of one), and he still can't believe what's happening.

Your arm is around his waist, holding him tight while the rest of your body is pressed up against him. He can feel your breasts pressing into his back, and your lips on his neck.

He almost wishes you'd kiss him, but that would probably send him over the edge.

And God, is he dangerously close to the edge right now.

His heart is pounding, heartbeat in synch with the throbbing in his pants. He's been hard ever since you cuddled up to him, but no way in hell is he going to ask you to stop. Not ever. Even if it kills him.

Scratch that. It is going to kill him. Derek can't help but let out a whimper as his dick twitches in his sweatpants.

Fuck. Your hand is right there, on his stomach. If you'd just slide it down a little...

"What's wrong?" You mumble, giving him a tight squeeze and nuzzling against the back of his neck.

"O-oh. Just... headache... Don't feel good..."

He feels like a total prick for lying to you, but what is he supposed to say? Yeah, totally fine, just horny as fuck? He'd rather die.

"Aww... I've got you, love."

Derek's breath hitches as you throw your leg over him. He can feel your thigh pressed up against his side, and the way you squeeze him feels heavenly.

He whimpers again, and starts to squirm slightly in your grasp. Fuck, if you keep this up he's not going to be able to control himself.

You continue to gently squeeze, rub, and cuddle him, whispering words of comfort with your lips pressed against the back of his neck. He can feel your hot breath on him, your breasts against his back, your hand on his stomach, your leg wrapped around his...

He can feel everything. And it's driving him insane.

Okay, okay, fuck. He can fix this. He just needs a quick release. That's all.

Derek starts to form a plan in his head, fueled by desperation and lust. Once he's mostly sure you're asleep, he slips his hand down into his boxers.

Biting back a moan, he slowly starts to jerk himself off. Painfully slow. He can't risk waking you up.

It's so fucking hard to not go faster, or move, or make a sound. Fuck, it's just so hard. Period.

He didn't really think this through, huh? Asking to sleep in your bed. Next time he'll jerk off first. If there is a next time. Damnit. If you catch him like this, you'll never speak to him again. He's sure.

Trembling, he accidentally lets a small whine slip out. Even with the absolute minimum amount of stimulation, he's close to finishing.

"Hnngh... Derek? You okay?"

Fuck. You're awake.

"Huh? Yeah, just... nightmare..." He chokes the words out, hand still wrapped around his cock as he slowly milks out a steady trickle of precum.

"It's okay." You whisper, holding him even tighter. "I'm right here."

Yeah, and that's the his damn problem. Your words and touch send him spiraling over the edge, and he bites his lip with nearly enough force to draw blood as he comes in his sweatpants.

It's not the most satisfying orgasm, seeing as he could barely touch it... but it still feels so much better than being that fucking horny with no release.

"Thank you..." Derek groans, praying that you don't ever discover the double meaning behind his words.

He had originally planned to sneak away and clean himself up, but with the way you're clinging to him...

Fuck. Guess he's sleeping in wet sweatpants.

─────────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────────────────

Author's note: Oh my goddd, sorry for such a long wait on this chapter!!! I've been wanting to write this scene FOREVER, but I also wanted to get it right!!

I love putting Derek in uncomfortable situations. Not sorry.

Also its crazy to me that I've written 16 thousand words of fanfic for a character that had 20 minutes of screen time and then fucking DIED 💀

Anyways... expect the next chapter in 2-3 days. Thanks for all the love and support!!!

Part 6

[anamoon63]

Hi guys, I am writing this in case anyone wonders why I have been kind of MIA lately. No, I haven't forgotten you, but I have had a difficult week, more than a difficult week, I have been through a real ordeal. Where or how it started it's a long story which I don't have the time or the energy to tell, so I'll just share a brief chronology of what happened during this past week.

Friday May 3 - I turned in my finished work and set out to do my sims posts, play and rest for the weekend since more work would be coming my way on Monday.

Saturday May 4 - My husband came down with the flu, I spent most of the day with him in the emergency room.

Sunday May 5 - I spent it taking care of my husband, who fortunately no longer had a fever. I barely slept two hours at night giving care and medication.

Monday 6 May - My birthday, we couldn't go out for dinner as usual, so we celebrated at home.

Tuesday, May 7 - My son comes down with the flu, too, another afternoon in the ER and sleepless night caring for him and bringing down his fever.

Wednesday, May 8 - My son starts to feel better, and begins to recover very quickly. I start working on the following translations, at the same time I take care of both my husband and my sick son, do food, laundry, order home medicines, and all kinds of small chores, including disinfecting things. It's like going back to 2020.

Thursday, May 9 - My husband no longer has a fever but does have a cough that won't go away and minor problems with his asthma.

Friday, May 10 - Mother's Day, my son was feeling fine, my husband still had a cough, and had a doctor's appointment at noon, when he returned, we celebrated at home just like on my birthday, I spent the rest of the day working, and juggling a thousand other things. In the evening my daughter started to feel sick, but still no fever.

Saturday, May 11 (yesterday) - My daughter woke up with a fever, another visit to the ER. She was prescribed flu medicine, painkillers and rest, and sent home.

And that's my odyssey so far. On top of it all, from Wednesday through Saturday we were in the middle of a heat wave with temperatures of 37ºC with real feel of up to 45ºC; at night we get a "cooler" temperature of 29ºC. So imagine a person with a fever of 38 ºC and with this heat, obviously it's not of much help.

Surprisingly, I haven't gotten sick so far, but I'm not claiming victory. I have been taking care of my family for a week, sleeping two or three hours a night, getting up at different times to check on them, or give them medicine. I don't have time for getting sick! Lol. Thankfully, everyone is better and last night for the first time in a week I was able to sleep straight through. Honestly, I don't need many hours of sleep, but I am routinely and usually I am in bed a 11 pm and up at 8 am every day, so all this did upset my sleep cycle a little bit.

Anyway, that is the reason why I wasn't here much, since the whole day I was too busy, and at night I was so tired all I wanted was to go to bed. I apologize if I've fallen behind on your updates, I'm not ignoring you in any way, I just didn't have the strength or the time, not even to play The Sims. If I did, it was just a little free play to distract myself.

Last week I told you that I was juggling a lot of things, well now I have even more things, lol, at times I feel really exhausted, and even a little cranky from lack of sleep, the first few days my feet and legs hurt so much from going back and forth, but I'm fine, healthy, and in good spirits. Today I believe, as never before, that the universe does not send you more than you can handle.

At this point my family is already in recovery, if I don't get sick too, it's likely by I'll be able to get back to my simming routine. Now, if I do get sick, I hope to recover as quickly as the others. Whatever happens, I'll be around. Know that, even if I don't comment, I read you, and I am with you, especially with those who are going through difficult times of any kind.

Ok, I said to myself this was going to be a short post, but I made a wall of text instead (for a change). My apologies if it's written in a sloppy or confusing way, I just wanted to write it quickly to let you know where I have been and what has been going on with me these days. I hope you are all well, please take care of yourselves, health is a treasure that can be lost at any moment, the flu is a nasty disease, we must never let our guard down and forget to take the necessary measures to prevent it.

Last, but not least, I want to thank all of you who have mentioned me, tagged me, sent me asks and/or stars to my inbox, commented and/or liked what few posts I could do these days, I appreciate it very much and I'll try to reply to you as soon as I can, though I've fallen so far behind that I don't know if I'll be able to find your mentions in my notifications. In any case, thank you very, very much to all of you for thinking about me in my absence. 💗 I'll see you soon, hopefully, with more sim adventures, stay tuned!

[4mymuse0]

Mama - P1Harmony<3

A/N: Hello, hello, this is my first agere fic here on Tumblr, I hope you enjoy it! This is cross-posted over on my Ao3 4myMuse so feel free to read it over there! (Any hearts or reposts are appreciated!)

Warnings: mentioned Jiung, mentioned Soul, mentioned Jongseob, Theo lactates, alpha!Intak, Beta!Keeho, Omega!Theo, Theo is in heat, very vague mentions of sex, Intak is called pup/puppy (lmk if I missed anything!)

Little(s): Intak (3-4 ish)

Caregiver(s): Keeho (Daddy), Theo (Mama)

Read and enjoy my little stars…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Takkie, please, Daddy needs you to go to sleep. Aren’t you tired, baby?” Keeho pleads, placing the littles puppy plush on the bed next to him.

Intak huffed, pouted heavily and crossed his arms, “no.” He mumbled. “I wan’ mama,” he demanded, then yawned.

The caregiver frowned and patted the little Alphas head. “I know, pup, but we talked about this. Mama’s in heat, and mama needs to rest.” Keeho explained gently. He sat on Intaks bed and pulled the stubborn little onto his lap.

Theo’s heat has been irregular for the past few cycles, hitting the Omega with full force or not at all. This time, Theo felt like garbage, his heat encompassing him in a gross warmth and flooding his stomach with a burning desire. He’s been spending the last couple of days in his room with Jiung, Soul, and Jongseob, trying to sedate his heat enough so he could take care of Intak with Keeho, because unluckily enough, Intak slipped the second Theo hid away for his heat. And Intak is a major mama’s boy, he hasn’t been making it easy for the other caregivers.

“Bu-but JiJi hyungie is with mama…” Intak’s big eyes filled with tears. It’s so unfair his hyungie can see his mama but he can’t. He just wants his mama, is that too much to ask? “Unfaiw.”

“I know buddy, but mama-” Keeho was interrupted by the quiet creaking of Intak’s bedroom door.

“Did I hear my name?” Theo asked, a thick and fluffy blanket draped over his shoulders. His cheeks were flushed pink from his heat and his eyes were hooded, exhausted from his long day.

Intak gasped and perked up on his daddies lap. “Mama! Mama, hi!” His hushed voice was shaky with excitement as he made grabby hands at the Omega.

Theo smiled softly and walked over to his baby to scoop the boy up in his arms. He sat the little on his lap. “Hi, puppy. What’s this I hear about you not going to sleep for daddy?” The caregiver asked, rubbing his cheek against Intak’s head, subconsciously scenting him.

The little sighed and soaked in his mama’s honey scent. “Hungry… ‘n jus’ wan’ed mama…” Intak whispered, already smooshing his face against Theo’s chest, cheek squishing against the Omega’s white t-shirt.

Theo cooed, holding the little closer to his chest, “I’m sorry, pup. Mama just felt a bit icky today. I had to get better to see you.” He assured his baby, lightly rocking them back and forth.

“But mama’s here right now, isn’t he Takkie?” Keeho whispered, rubbing the Alpha’s back.

Intak nodded, his hand hiking up the caregiver's shirt so he could give himself access to the Omega’s chest, which was swelled and full of milk, having produced it during his heat earlier. It was very rare that the little’s get breast milk, so whenever the opportunity presents itself, they take it. And Intak’s taking. The little looked up at his mama, silently asking for permission to feed.

“Go ahead, pup.” Theo smiled, nodding softly at the pup. He guided Intak to latch onto his chest.

That’s all the little needed. He suckled on his mama's breast, gulping the warm and slightly sweet milk, all his distress from earlier melting away and into nothing.

Keeho smiled at the scene, chest warming as he stroked the pup's hair.

The two caregivers leaned their backs against the wall Intak’s bed was tucked against, softly chatting as Intak took what he needed from Theo. Every once in a while Intak’s suckles would slow, then pick back up. The pattern repeated for about ten more minutes before the littles suckles slowed all the way to a stop as his brain got mushier as he drifted off to dreamland.

“Mama…”

“Yes puppy?”

“You and Daddy stay?”

“Always pup.” Theo smiled softly.

“We’re right here, baby.” Keeho whispered, leaning over to kiss both of his mates heads.

After a few more soft encouraging words, Intak allowed himself to fully fall asleep, knowing his mama and daddy weren’t going anywhere. Intak’s pack growing up used to leave the Alpha alone constantly, beating it into his head that no one wanted to stick around and care for him, which has seriously affected his little self. But luckily, his new pack is great as reassuring him and reminding him that he deserves all the care in the world whether he’s little or big. He was healing, slowly but surely.

Once the caregiver’s were sure Intak was sleeping, they adjusted themselves to lay down, their limbs all tangled together comfortably, their scents all mingling about as they got sleepier and more relaxed.

“Feelin’ any better?” Keeho asked his Omega, keeping his voice to a whisper, not wanting to disturb the sleeping pup.

Theo hummed, “yeah. Soul tired me out earlier.”

“Did he slip after?” The Beta asked, knowing it was normal for him to slip after those kinds of activities and he wanted his youngest Omega to be happy and safe.

“Think so, I heard Jiung bathing him so I just assumed he did. Has Jongie slipped this week?” The Omega asked, suddenly aware the youngest mate hasn’t been slipping a whole lot recently.

Keeho frowned, realizing the same thing. “No… I don’t think so.” The Beta pondered for a moment. Soul usually slipped quite often, it was odd if he didn’t slip more than twice a week.

“We should talk to him if he doesn’t slip tomorrow. Our baby can’t push away his headspace like that.” Theo suggested, tugging his shift down to cover his chest again.

The caregiver nodded, patting his mate's head. “We can worry about that tomorrow. For right now, we can cuddle with our puppy.”

Theo sighed, nuzzling Intak’s hair, “you’re right. G’night love.” he murmured, eyes already slipping shut.

“Night, sweetie.” Keeho smiled, holding both the mama and the pup tight to keep them safe as they slept.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Hope you enjoyed~ I have a Seventeen agere fic ready to post lmk if you’d wanna read it! Again, this is cross-posted on my Ao3 4myMuse so feel free to read it over there!

Bye for now! Mwah!

[ourceliumnetwork]

Alright, debrief time

(pretend i was able to find a fittingly funny gif of someone removing their trousers quickly and/or explosively)

honestly there should be *way* more easily findable gifs of this, but my search-fu technique is not doing me any favors this mor...today.

(it's not morning anymore, bummer. it felt like it'd been morning for hours, figured it might stick around longer. alas)

so. This weekend was busy - i mean yesterday was the necessary "everyone recover your spoons and refill your social batteries because we drained them completely" day, but idk if it was enough tbh lol.

Friday was exactly as expected with no concerns during the outing or subsequent hangout. Like i was tired and very much had absolutely Done An Outing but I was doing pretty good all things considered, both immediately after hangouts were done and also the next morning. I was tired, but like. The expected amount of tired and I felt very optimistic about the day. I didn't even really feel like i needed medicine and considering I've felt like I needed to take medicine in the morning every single day this past week, pretty impressive tbh imb.

And Saturday was already going to be the tricky day - i went into this weekend knowing what i was up against, and with the understanding that I was going to probably accidentally do some damage to myself but it's *on purpose*. It has a *point* and I think that makes it different to the rest of the times i've done this to myself.

So even though I absolutely should have and knew that going in, I did not take any medicine because that was the point.

For as long as any of us can remember, going all the way back into rather early childhood, my legs just always get exhausted really fast. I'd get in trouble for sitting down in P.E., my parents fussed at me about it when I was little, and I was told that I didn't actually feel that tired, and that I just needed to push harder because clearly if I was that tired so quickly then my muscles needed to do more work to become stronger. If I just worked them out, they would be stronger and wouldn't get tired so easily. It was on this metric that i ran in 4 half-marathon races with fairly decent time. Just keep pushing, you're tired because you're not in shape enough, just keep going. It doesn't matter that you run at least 3x a week, for longer and longer distances, it doesn't matter that you're going uphill for at least half of that time, it doesn't matter if you're eating a limited diet because the household is once more trying a lo-carb, or similar, crash diet we'll forget about as soon as we take a "vacation" or even just by the weekend, but god forbid I eat anything more than the Allotted Portion Allowed By The Parents before they start saying shit about how I need to eat less or save some for later, or save some for the rest of the family. If I just lost weight, if I was just *stronger* then I wouldn't complain so much and my legs would feel less tired.

In a move that will only ever continue to shock my parents, it did not work. About 15-30 minutes into any outing on a good day, my legs will start to ache like I've been, well, training for a marathon. Which I can accurately describe because i've fuckin done that.

But I've stopped taking note of it because i was told *so young* to just ignore it. It wasn't real, or it was real but everyone else just dealt with it better, or whatever. And by the way, i also was never allowed to sit and rest when it happened while I was a child - the stroller was something I didn't really have access to as good once my sister was born, and that was at around 3 years old. I may have gotten like A Year with access to it still, while she was still papoose-able, but once we needed it for her I was expected to suddenly be able to carry my own weight wherever we went.

My parents really like theme parks, family trail hikes, and going to festivals where you wander around and there's very little seating. I got used to ignoring it and pushing past really fast, but it meant that I just...really did not like going out very much. Our family trips were always kind of through a filter of "I'm not really enjoying myself as much as I thought I would and I have no idea why I'm so grumpy all of the time". it got passed off as teenage angst and my bad attitude, because i couldn't complain because i didn't know what was wrong.

plus it wasn't like complaining would have done me any good. I would get yelled at for voicing a concern or need, and then when I would have a Health Complication that made my parents look bad, I'd get yelled at for not saying something sooner. So I just stopped sharing and would handle my health issues quietly and to myself. I think my parents just assumed I grew out of or stopped experiencing several relatively frequent health issues I kept having because I stopped telling them about it and did my very best to hide what was happening when I was in pain or sick, until I absolutely couldn't. I knew my bad health would be a burden on them, so if I said something and they looked at me with "concern" (read: what appeared to be actual irritation in their alarm), I'd backtrack which I think led to both my being seen as a hypochondriac and a liar.

So this weekend was to see exactly how long it takes me to reach the point of "My legs are tired" and then when I hit the wall of "I can't do this anymore without a break". My partner took me thrift store shopping which was super fun and rewarding, but it really did put into perspective how much I've been hurting myself.

Within the time it took us to walk from the car across the parking lot (not even to the door necessarily yet), I felt the familiar burning ache of overworked muscles and I was like "Alright. Well. Here we go."

I don't know how long we were in the first part of the store, before we walked down to the other, bigger part. I had 2 flannel shirts and was looking at the pants and already my arm was aching. Once I picked 5 total things, we'd moved on from the clothes so I could see what else they had. Traveling through the rest of the store, my arm slowly got more and more tired.

I got separated from my partner in the store (was fine, even with my issue at feeling Lost in Stores) and realized I was starting to crash really fast - I was going to need the medicine I'd brought ASAP, but my drink was in the car, and I had to pay for my things and I didn't know where my partner was.

I found them, we grabbed like 2 more things, they helped carry the heaviest stuff, and we paid and left. Once in the car, knowing it was safe to feel the pain, knowing it was safe to not have to keep pushing and make myself keep going, I realized I couldn't do it.

The day-long shopping marathons the women in my family do, the parties, the festivals, the hikes and the amusement parks, I physically cannot do them. And I don't know how long it's been like this because I wasn't allowed to pay attention to that.

Don't get me wrong, I love all of those things, but I cannot do them under my own power and I haven't been able to in ages.

I always figured if everyone had the option of sitting down and wheeling along rather than having to use their own two legs, they'd take it. In fact, I assumed most folks would just casually dream of not having to stand up ever again, of not having to walk across vast distances from the house to the mailbox, of just not having to...not having to hurt? I figured most folks' legs hurt all the time just like mine and I figured everyone else was just better at dealing with it.

Even bringing out my cane and the medicine didn't really *help* all that much. We rested for a while, but I still really wanted to go to our friends' cookout later that evening, despite my partner now being too worn out for it. I was super prepped to go it alone (had already gotten confirmation and assurance that it was allowed and possible for me to rest while i was there), but I was glad that Meta Prime was also good to go hang out because it is easier with a buddy.

I think adrenaline has been doing a lot of heavy lifting for my body (no pun intended?) because the adrenaline of going to be around friends (plus also the medicine, and the use of my cane and probably also the ability to sit) helped reduce the amount of pain and stiffness I normally would have been in at that point, even by the time we got home. (that or someone was working overtime to push to the front and make it so we couldn't feel it yet - it's a thing i try not to think about it too hard it makes things confusing and complicated).

but even with yesterday spent in bed and high af most of the day, i'm still sore, still tired, still achy. And I just used to live like this. Like no fucking wonder I was useless after work all the time.

I think this has confirmed for me, however, that it might be something to absolutely look into to get a wheelchair. This of course does require that I get my ass in to see a doctor sooner rather than later (yes i know i haven't done it yet i am...struggling with the concept), and figure out how to get them to write me an Rx for one but like. Baby steps. I at least...can confirm that apparently most folks don't spend about half their waking time wishing they were more physically disabled so that it would be seen as reasonable to let them sit and be in a wheelchair and in fact that might be a symptom of being more physically disabled and perhaps sometimes needing a wheelchair.

but yeah i'm just...processing.

i've already taken medicine. It hasn't really done much, considering we're in the Peak Time it should be working, which probably illustrates exactly how bad I feel. I'm going to go back to resting and hope i feel better soon lol

[rodbei]

Ok ok ok fuck you, were starting it.

And by it, I mean this blog - the way I just yapped to myself for twenty minutes in the shower about what to say - and now I have no idea.

But I guess I should introduce myself - even though - holy fuck I'm tired of introductions, like Jesus, just this last week of school, it's just constant! "Hi!, Hello!" "What's your name and pronouns?!? Oh, how about fuck you and fuck this!!! :D" Like it's exhausting I do think that's more a me thing than a general thing, like "Hi, here I am, here you go, you can forget me now."

But either way, my name is Rodbei... because that's the normal way and I am trying my best not to dox myself, my pronouns are ??/!! in the way that I have no clue and do your best!

I am doing this because I am seventeen and I just moved out and this is probably a very important time in my life I'm supposed to look back on?? But regardless I can't remember shit for shit and I should write it down so here we go:

Today I had 3 alarms - 5:00, 5:30, and 6:00 because I have to bike to school at 7:30 and be there at 8:00 and it sucks? I mean it's okay but ughhh no one likes autumn Mondays. It was cold and I didn't want to get up, but today was a good day because I could eat breakfast (normally eating breakfast is nauseating and ends with throwing up in a trashcan). So chocolate "musli," banana, and coffee were my start this morning. Also watched Smallish Beans' newest video because I am actually five years old ffs.

I met up with... should I make fake names?? Fine, I guess, I'll introduce my best "school" friend... umm... umm Red?!??... I'm going to forget that but okay. Me and Red biked to school together; Red had an electric bike while I struggled on my normal one. It was nice though since the past week has just been (ok I'm at a mixed art school so half the time we're at a normal school and the other part we're at an art school) and this past week we've been at the art school. But I live literally 30 seconds away from that school so no biking, but honestly biking is nice... downhill - too bad my school school is at the top of a giant hill -

But otherwise, school was fine. Two new students, though, which doesn't really change anything because I am a loser with zero social ability. Like, I swear I have never felt so out of place at a freaking ART SCHOOL and I am normally the art kid. Like, WHAT. But two new students, an emo kid, and some blond girl. Maybe I'll talk to the emo kid, but he reminds me of people who are too cool to try to make friends. And I am the most AWKWARD person ever. Like, I don't know how I do it. It's like a talent where I just cannot do normal small talk.

That was the interesting part of school. Red went home early because they're stupid and always a little bit sick. We had 4 subjects: movie, English, history, and math. They all sucked apart from the movie one.

But, oh my freaking god, you would think the teachers know how to teach neurodivergent kids. But they still make us sit still for 50 minutes while they talk at a board. NO ONE IS UNDERSTANDING SHIT.

My lunch today was a ham and cheese sandwich, an apple, a cereal bar, and a Caprisun because I'm lazy.

After school, I raced home and ate some crappy noodles. Then I watched some Remadora bloopers because I realized I still had access to TT Patreon. YIPPE. That was the highlight of my day, I think. LMAO.

After that, Red called me, and we went shopping and made tomato soup. I bought bread forgetting I froze some earlier like an idiot, and I bought the amazing, the legendary, CANNED WHIPPED CREAM. I was never allowed to have that as a kid. YIPPE YIPPE YIPPE.

I cleaned Red's room because I'm built weird while they made us tomato soup. We ate on the floor, and I did the dishes like I always do.

Then I came back here and rotted on TikTok. Also, I planned with Monke because it's an inside joke that we could maybe go to a Girl in Red concert in two weeks. But we're both broke. YIPPE.

Also, there's a party Friday that I'm only scared to go to because I'm going alone. And I'm gonna go home this weekend and maybe watch a movie with, let's say, Monke and Bunny.

God, they would hate me for that.

Song of today is: "I Wanna Be Your Girl" by Girl in Red.

-Rodbei 16-09-2024

[yeonmuse]

BREAK THE WALLS | Kim Hongjoong

Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Full Chapter list

🀥 Government agent Hongjoong x Rebel Oc

🀥 genre | dystopian society, halazia x geurilla concept , enemies to lovers

🀥 word count | 1k

🀥 Summary | An organization by the name of Sector 1 was well known for their work in the underground, theyve been well known for the recruiting of teens and using them to form an army since the year 2034. Collecting strays for their rebellion against those in higher power. Now the year is 2064 and the organization still runs strong they run like a family, with the new technology theyve found ways of keeping alive those that have been scorned in any past battles theyve had against the government.

When the government sends in 7 of their best men to infiltrate the organization. What will they do when their cover is blown and their true intentions are revealed? Will they join the rebellion or will they continue to let the government pull their strings like the little puppets they once were?

Skylar district, May 10 2061

"Next time you'll have to be quicker than that Honey." Tahani smirked in satisfaction as she chomped down on the very last cookie she had found in the kitchen of their shared lounge room. Jooheon sat slumped on the couch, saddened by his defeat.

Then entered Eris who looked over at Jooheon with pure amusement on her face as she entered with a laptop in her hand. "Were you two fighting over cookies again? That's what the third time this week T?''

"Not my fault Honey and Seungyoun never want to share.'' Tahani responds, smiling happily as she continues to munch down on her victory cookie.

Moments later the rest of the group piled into the room one by one, seeming exhausted from the mission from which they had just returned.

"Why is jooheon melting into the couch? Were Tahani and him fighting over cookies again-" leedo asks curiously before being pushed out of the way by Jiaqi as she ran over to Tahani and engulfed her into a hug.

"My Hani I've missed you so much, god I pray that you make it past evaluations or I just might lose my mind without you here. I can't take missions with these idiots anymore" At jiaqis words Tahani just laughs and wraps her arms around the girl in return.

"Speaking of how did your mission go?" Tahani asks the six that had all seemed to return bruised, battered and covered in dirt.

"Well it was a success but it would have been a lot easier if this hothead hadn't decided to just rush in guns blazing.'' Wonho reponds pointing over at Seungyoun, who had been sheepishly hiding away in a nearby corner. Mingyu must have scolded him real good because that was a look the girl knew all too well by now.

Right when the six of them felt they were finally able to relax Jongho burst through the door nearly scaring poor Elias who found himself slowly falling asleep in his seat.

"It's time.'' was the only thing he needed to say to let Tahani know that she would now have to go back to being serious.

Counting herself since the day she had snuck into there Mingyu had snuffed out 30 new recruits in total, today would be the day they all would show their capability through a series of tests. Arriving there already having somewhat decent fighting skills, and having been trained by none other than Jongho and Wonho the last few months Tahani was more than confident that she had this in the bag. Whether it be combat, guns , advanced weaponery she had learned it all in just that short span of time of being there. She didn't know what they would throw at her but whatever it was she knew she was prepared. Upon making her way out into the mega station her eyes scanned her surroundings taking in all the faces that sat in the stadiums surrounding them. ' all this just to view a simple evaluation?' She thought to herself.

There was a sudden alarm that rang through the arena and everyone in the surrounding stadiums grew quiet. Moments later Mingyus voice rang out over the loudspeakers.

"Members of Sector 1 the 30 you see before you will now be put through a series of tests, these tests will determine if each of them are fit and skilled enough to become part of this family. The annual half year evaluation will commence in three, two, one." and with that a large forcefield like dome formed around the arena and the lights shut to black. It wasnt until Tahani heard the sound of a body dropping beside her that she realized the predicament she was in. The first task must have been to see how they did without their line of vision.

"Fuck.'' her sudden outburst gave away her location to someone that had stood nearby. They were quick to attack from behind and she was able to easily remove herself from their embrace with a simple headbutt. Even without being able to see her though the person was quite persistent. They threw punch after punch every now and then growing successful in landing a hit on the girl, and for a while she let them have their fun before catching their arm mid swing and twisting it behind their back to force them to the ground, she finished them off with one last punch and received no time to grow excited over her first victory as someone else snatched her to the ground by her shirt and sat on top of her. She quickly guarded her face knowing it' be the first place they would aim, before flipping the two over and reaching for the person's neck. She held her grip only tightening it the more she felt whoever it was struggling beneath her. It wasnt until she finally felt them go limp beneath her that she let go and rushed to stand on her feet. Suddenly everything went quiet once more and the lights shut back on blinding Tahani momentarily before she was finally able to set eyes on the scene before her. 13 lie unconscious on the ground which meant there were still 17 of them that needed to continue fighting. Agaisnt the walls near the entrance in which they had all piled in lie a table full of different knives, which surprised Tahani nonetheless

"Wait, wait you didnt say we had to kill anyone." Tahani yells out, and it had been as if she were talking to herself considering the dome restricted her from seeing anything outside of the arena, including those that flooded the stadium. No one said that either of them would have to use any weapons against one another. She thought it would be a simple fight. She had trained with all of these guys for months, though her bond with any of them wasnt as strong as it was with Jongho and the others she still considered them all family. The remaining fighters all seem to glance around at one another before rushing over to the table.

"Shit.'' Tahanis overthinking caused her to be the last person to make it to the table, by the time she was able to reach for a dagger she had already had two different girls aiming to slash at her. She dodged both attacks with ease but fighting off the two of them at the same time wouldnt be so simple. Why did it seem like everyone had set their sights on her?

Meanwhile outside of the arena 29 familiar faces sat amongst those in the stadium as they had already completed their own simulations. Jongho and the group of friends watched the overhead screen intensely as their friend battled for what could possibly be a fight for her life here.

[purplesurveys]

1793

Yesterday

1) What was the weather like? Did it change your plans in any way? It was extremely sunny during the day which kind of sucked, because yesterday my family played host to a family reunion on the rooftop and the weather made things feel a little uncomfortable. In the afternoon, while the sun did hide for a bit it ended up being super humid anyway, so in either case it really just ended up being a super sweaty affair lol.

We addressed it by making sure our aircon in the living room was turned on the entire afternoon, so that anyone who starts to feel super hot or dizzy can choose to go down – which is why it ended up pissing me off when I caught a few people not even trying to hide their bitchings about how hot it was at our place and yet refused to go downstairs when I offered. Complaints are classic Filipino guest things but something I've never learned how to tolerate so I was pretty irritated from the get-go of that damn reunion.

2) What did you do yesterday, anyway? Helped my parents host said reunion, for the most part. I was so exhausted from all the walking and hosting and socializing all over the house so ngl I was knocked out from like 5 to 8, right after people left ha. When I woke up earlier this evening I spent a few hours playing a game on my phone and now I'm here winding down with a couple of surveys. Not a very eventful Saturday which is how I prefer my weekends to be.

3) Did you eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner? What did you have? I didn't have breakfast as usual. Lunch wasn't a full meal for me, I just got like 3 pieces of sushi from our reunion spread. I also didn't have dinner and just made a cup of coffee which is still right next to me.

4) Did you do some form of exercise? What? If going up and down the stairs 200 times counts as exercise then it would be that.

5) Who did you spend the most time with? My sister. Out of the huge crowd at home, we knew each other the best so we stuck together, lol.

6) What television shows or movies did you watch? I finished Gyeongseong Creature super early on in the morning (like, technically I was watching it from Friday then it bled into the midnight hours of Saturday haha), then I also played a couple episodes of Friends for the very few people who were in my age group in the reunion.

7) What time did you get up and go to bed? I got up at like 9. Went to sleep at 3 AM earlier.

8) What was the best bit about yesterday? I can't decide between watching Gyeongseong Creature and getting to eat sushi.

9) What about the worst? Being bombarded with work messages on a Saturday. My work! Makes me! Depressed!

10) Did you talk to anyone on the phone? Who? Why? My mom needed help ordering additional food for the reunion so she called me up while she was doing last few errands at the grocery so I can take care of it.

Today

1) What time did you get up? I just got up and it's currently nearly a half hour past 8.

2) What are your plans for today? I'll be taking my family to my favorite ramen place for lunch, then later in the afternoon I'll be seeing my close friends for our super late Christmas party.

3) Have you eaten any meals yet? What did you have? None yet. I don't mind not eating for a few more hours because I'll be eating a lot today lmao, so I'd rather save up the hunger so I can fully pig out for both lunch and dinner.

4) Are you planning on seeing your friends or boyfriend/girlfriend? Yup! I'm seeing Angela, Reena, and Hans later for dinner/Christmas party. I don't think we've been together since...August? In any case, we'll be at our fav Korean spot so I'm looking forward to it.

5) Does your favorite television show air today? Breaking Bad ended 11 years ago.

6) Have you spoken to your parents yet? Nopes.

7) How many texts have you received? I haven't gotten anything yet for today.

8) Are you planning on going to bed early? I never do on Sundays because I never look forward to Mondays.

9) Have you done anything remotely productive today? Nope. The full load of my day will start in like an hour when we head to our usual Sunday mass and after that I'm going to be traveling everywhere hahaha. BGC for ramen, then I might have to shop for clothes for my Seventeen concert next week, then head home so I can drive out for dinner with friends.

10) How much money did you spend so far? Are you planning on spending more later? None yet as it's only 8 but I am for sure going to be pulling out my card a few times today.

Tomorrow

1) What time do you have to get up tomorrow? Around 8.

2) What do you hope the weather will be like? Chilly but not too chilly. Cold weather feels so good that it makes me miserable when at work, because when the weather is comfy like that all I want to do is rest. So it'll be nice if it were cold, but I hope it's not too comfy!cold that all I'll think about is why I'm not in bed, lol.

3) Is there anything you’re dreading about tomorrow? The fact that I have work and that it's Monday.

4) Is there anything important you need to do, or can you just relax? Nope, can't relax.

5) Do you have plans to see your friends? No, I never have time to during weekdays.

6) What do you hope will happen tomorrow? I hope my schedule will be nice to me.

7) Are you going to wake up at home, or somewhere else? Just at home.

8) If you don’t have any plans, what do you think you’ll end up doing? I'll be working.

9) Do you have to get a work out in at some point? Nope.

10) Will you be working or studying at all? Yes.

[croissantbae]

October 16, 2023

The past few weeks have felt like a whirlwind. While I’ve been on my phone constantly the past few weeks it was almost exclusively to take photos and communicate immediately with folks to coordinate meetups. I barely looked at insta or my emails. It was seriously wonderful. Today I went through my photo album of the past few weeks and it doesn’t feel like there are enough photos. I legit feel like there should be more based on how full the trip felt.

I’m not even going to attempt to summarize the trip. I’ll just jot down a few thoughts.

1. Even though we were with the kids 24/7 and they were driving us crazy at times, now that I have to leave them I feel really sad and I miss them so much. I really do just love our family. Same goes for extended family too. After my mom/bro/sil/Shiloh departed, it felt like we weren’t whole without them. We could feel the lack of their presence. My mom is also seriously so clutch. She came to our house before we landed, made bap and miyukgook, and then picked us up from the airport. The miyukgook sVed our lives. We ate it for dinner and then as a post sleep meal when the girls were up in the wee hours of the morning. And then for breakfast the next day lol. She’s also coming tomorrow to take the girls to school because Jason has an important meeting. I would want to pay it forward for our kids but I’m generally assuming they won’t have kids (bc of climate change).

2. Adjusting to time zone changes is a bitch. The kids were waking up super early and sleeping very little when we went. And adults got virtually no sleep in the plane ride over. The girls slept fairly well but they were really squished lying next to each other on the seats. I actually got sick on the second day in and I think it was mostly from extreme sleep exhaustion (because we were already deprived from the sleep training saga and nerves not being able to sleep from starting a new job). It felt pretty miserable those first few days but thankfully the whole fam was there to watch the kids so I could get some rest. Now coming back we’re also getting terrible sleep and the kids have been awake anywhere from 11 to 4 am but I actually feel like I’m still sleeping better this time around. Today the girls slept in until noon and then I took them to school at around 2 just so they could play for a few hours. Hopefully they wake up earlier tomorrow and can actually go to school on a relatively normal schedule. Godspeed to my mom.

3. My grandma is so old. Like seriously. She was sooo happy to see us she was trying her best to keep up with us. She was actually walking so fast I was shocked. But she said she didnt care if she died she was going to walk as fast as she could so she could hang with us and not be seen as a burden. I could tell she really enjoyed herself and she bonded a lot with Dani. Jason’s grandma is much older than my grandma (I think by 10 years) but she’s still soooo healthy. She walks with a cane now but I love how social she is. We told her we’d come by to hang out the next day but she said she couldn’t because she was busy with her friends 😂. When we hung out w Jason’s family they took us to their local gogi jib (one we went to years ago too) and wansun Emo made me drink w her so I drank a bottle of soju and she drank a bottle of makgeoli lol. It was a lot of fun and the girls were thankfully well behaved.

4. Overall the kids really seemed to love Korea and want to go back. I fell in love with jejudo and seriously want to go back to the same hotel. But if we did go I wonder if it would be nearly as magical without the whole friend group there 🧐. I suspect not but there’s a different kind of fun just being with family too.

[bike42]

Friday September 1st

We slept from 8pm last night until about 6am this morning. I got up and did some yoga and showered before breakfast. The hotel breakfast reminded me of the hotel breakfast in Santorini - they bring a basket of pastries (including my favorite chocolate croissants), give you a choice of starter (fruit, yogurt and granola, or porridge) then a choice of 4 different egg entrees. We both had yogurt and the “Irish Breakfast” today which is two eggs, thick bacon, sausage, two different blood sausages (no, thank you), potatoes, and grilled tomato and mushrooms. We ate too much, but it was all good.

We went back to our room and slept for another two hours, then hustled to meet our tour guide for the Book of Kells and Dublin Castle tour. I’d booked this through Viatar which I’d used before - worked out well. Mostly other Americans on our tour, some from a cruise ship - stopped in Dublin for just a few hours?

Our tour guide, Antonio, was fantastic. He told us all about Trinity College, the Book of Kells, and the long library. Guides aren’t really allowed to “guide” inside, so he prepped us on what we’d be seeing and met us in the library afterwards. I’m still having a hard time wrapping my mind around a book as ancient as that - what went into it to make it, all the symbology, and the fact that it’s just that old!

After that, we walked together through the streets - such dangerous crossings, past the Molly Malone statue (Antonio was impressed that I knew of the Dubliners) to Dublin Castle, which didn’t appear to be much. We went around the side to the garden and Antonio gave us a few more facts and suggestions for other things to see and do.

We had 4pm tickets for the Guinness experience, so we popped into a coffee shop for a coffee and sandwich, and walked about 1km more to Guinness, passing many beautiful old churches and cathedrals. We were early, but we got in anyway and started our tour. We’d learned some things from Antonio earlier, and that helped Jeff win an extra glass of beer (what color is Guinness? Red). We also learned about the criteria for a perfect Guinness pour, and how to find a pub that’s been certified by Guinness (identified by a special red sign). Criteria are: 45 degree tilt, fill 3/4 full and let surge settle for 60 seconds. Should not exceed 119.5 seconds total. 12 mm foam top.

The whole tour exceeded my expectations. Guinness has long been one of my favorite beers, but the experience was well laid out from the process of how the beer is made, to the history of making the barrels, their advertising history, etc. There was a man playing a Bodhran (Celtic drum) with a bunch of extra drums. I jumped in and tried to learn and play along - tough on the wrist, but fun to try.

We’d bought the ticket for the “Stoutie” experience, which is having your face magically “printed” into the foam head. Fun, but I “drank” my head before I got a very good photo! We ended our tour on the seventh floor “Gravity Bar” with another pint each. Luckily, I had some almonds in my bag so we could mute our buzz just a bit. Quick stop at the gift shop and we were on our way.

We received a text from Connie and Jeff who will be joining us on the M&M tour in a few days, so we made a plan to meet them at Stag’s Head Pub (walked by it this afternoon and Antonio said is was good). Friday night and things were picking up, so we were lucky to snag the last table for 4! It was good to meet them ahead of time, make it easier to sort out who is who when we meet the whole group in a few days!

We left there about 8pm, and walked through the Friday night crowd back to our hotel. Exhausted after our first full day, and still a bit jet lagged.

Saturday September 2nd

If I hadn’t set an alarm this morning, we would have slept through breakfast! We went down and ate a little less this morning, then back to our room. Jeff went back to sleep again, I researched options for today and tomorrow, then did a yoga session and got ready for the day.

We headed out about 11:30am and found a warm sunny day - so far we haven’t used an umbrella since getting on the plane in Amsterdam! We walked to the river, and verified our coach (bus) pickup spot for Monday morning. We noticed commotion across the river and learned there was a “Liffey Swim” race going on. Unfortunately, we couldn’t stay to watch the swimmers arrive as we had tickets to the “Jeanie Johnston” tour and it was about to start!

I bought 1pm tickets for the Emigrant Museum, and they gave us a noon add on tour of a replica of a 1847 three masted sailing ship - living history museum on 19th century emigration. The Original ship would have been used for trading between Ireland and North America (emigrants to NA, timber back to Europe).

We had the most fantastic guide, telling us the most horrific story of the Potato Famine and “coffin ships.” I’d read enough historical fiction of emigrants crossing from Europe / UK in the 1800’s to know the voyage was gruesome and dangerous. But hearing about it while standing in a replica ship really made it come to life.

Between 1848 and 1855, the Jennie Johnston made 16 voyages to NA, average length of the journey was 47 days. The ship was licensed to carry 40

people, including crew, but the most passengers ever carried was 254! They claim she had a perfect safety record and no passenger or crew member ever died onboard, in contrast to many others known as “coffin ships.” The original ship sunk in 1858 after becoming waterlogged hauling a load of timber - but the crew was rescued by another ship.

Our guide told us the difference was the Donovan family who owned the ship.

It was referred to as a “miracle ship,” but they had better sanitation and provided food and clean water to the passengers. They also had a physician on board - he screened passengers before boarding, insisted on toilet buckets to be emptied and washed out frequently, blankets to be aired on deck everyday, and passengers were allowed on deck for 30 minutes each day. All that was unusual for those days apparently.

The cost to passengers for passage to North America was 3 pounds (2400 Euros in those days). Most couldn’t pay that as they were already poor when the Potato Blight ruined the potato crop in Ireland. Families would often send one person to get settled, who would send money for others to follow (if they were still alive and if they were healthy enough to travel). She told us of one woman who gave birth to a son onboard, they later settled in St Paul and there is a photo of him in a bar that he owned there when he was a grown man.

Our guide knew a lot, and was delicately choosing her words. She pointed out that the blight impacted potatoes all over the world, but economically, Ireland was the only place that was devastated by it. We stayed and talked with her more after the tour, with our naive questions of why didn’t they plant other crops? What we didn’t understand is that Ireland was under UK rule then and many other crops were grown, but they were all “property” of the crown and exported to England. She said different parts of Ireland were impacted differently - her family was from north of Dublin with little impact, but the west coast where we’re headed was most devastated.

It is estimated that 1.2 million people died and another 1.5 million left Ireland (population number have yet to recover) between 1845 and 1852. There is no word for “Great Famine” in Irish - their word “Gorta Mor,” means the Great Hunger.

The famine was a defining moment in the history of Ireland. The British government provided little aid and made statements that the famine was due to lacking moral character of the Irish. A vicious cycle of mass evictions led to people living in ditches and hedges. One politician had been quoted as saying “let them eat grass.” Soup kitchens were set up for about six months, but then withdrawn to “avoid dependency.” It’s not hard to see how this triggered the eventual fight for independence from the UK.

We left the ship and headed to the Irish Emigration Museum - very well done, illustrating contributions Irish descendants have had around the world in politics, the arts and history in general.

We grabbed a quick sandwich and began the 30 minute walk to the Jameson Distillery for our 3:30pm reservation. The streets were crowded with people, buses, cars and bikes so it made walking a little more difficult!

We enjoyed the Jameson tour, but they don’t actually make it at that site any longer, so it was more of a talk and tasting. We also did a “Cask draw” from a first use bourbon barrel, added 18 years (2005). It was made from a single pot still - no corn or maize, and was quite good malted barley. In the gift shop, we bought a bottle of Jameson Crested, aged in a sherry barrel from Spain - quite yummy and I thought it’d be fun to share on the M&M tour. Sine metu = without fear (Jameson motto).

We were sitting in the converted warehouse having a Jameson and ginger beer cocktail, when I realized that Guinness and Jameson apparently operated right through the time of the Great Hunger / Famine. Hmmmm? Wonder how that worked?

We’d received a text from Steve, another M&M participant that arrived in Dublin just today. He suggested a pub near his hotel so we walked back across the river and met him there, and Jeff & Connie met us as well. I had a gin & tonic (talking to a couple from Cornwall made me thirsty for gin) and a massive yummy hunk of battered fish, and some so-so “chips.” The bar was really hopping - several different music acts while we were there, made me anxious to get the musical portion of this trip going. We walked back to our hotel along the end of the Temple Bar area, know for its partying - really starting to pick up at 8pm on a Saturday night. We walked along Gaston Street with the high end shops and bought gelato along the way. People watching would be awesome tonight, but we’re exhausted and ready for sleep!

I learned Jimmy Buffett died yesterday. Makes me sad as his music had been such a big part of my life, especially in the days when I needed some “escapism” from my reality. I know that like John Prine, John Denver, Tom Petty and so many others, his music will live on. It was fun to get messages from Regina and Becky and think about what fun we had at those Alpine Valley concerts - one year we made a huge fin out of cardboard and ducktaped it to the ski rack on top of my old Saab.

Sunday September 3, 2023

We’ve fallen into a good morning routine of yoga/stretching, shower, and a hearty Irish breakfast. We had a later breakfast this morning, no need to rush into our day. I awoke with a craving for green vegetables, so I started perusing the menus of needby restaurants for tonight … ready for a break from pub food!

We went to the 11am tour at the “Little Museum of Dublin,” which was just down the street. It is an eclectic mix of stuff in an old Georgian style townhome across from St Stevens Green, a large park across the street. One of the interesting artifacts they had was a key to the park, as the park had been locked and only the wealthy neighbors had keys! Most of the staff were likely actors in training and they told amusing stories and anecdotes along with their version of the history of Ireland. We most liked the room dedicated to U2, since we’re not going to make it over to the Rock n Roll museum.

We strolled through the park - very alive with families being a warm beautiful Sunday afternoon! From there we walked down Grafton Street, window shopping and listening to buskers. It was even more crowded that it had been last night. We were on a mission to find “super glue” to repair Jeff’s shoe. We struck out a the pharmacies, then on Google I found “Mary’s Bar and Hardware,” a cute little place with a friendly bartender who suggested we try Dunnes, where we found several different types. Back to the room for some R&R before heading out again. A couple days of this sidewalk / museum strolling pace and I’m ready to get out to the countryside and do some hiking with a fast pace and normal stride!

We had a few more museums we wanted to see, but we were pretty tired, so we bought tickets to the Hop On - Hop Off bus and rode around the city being entertained by our driver Alan. It’s always a different perspective from the top of the bus, and it was a great day to be out on the top deck.

We met our travel partner, Steve, at an Italian restaurant close to our hotel for dinner. We shared a bottle of “Super Tuscan” wine and I had my fill of good vegetables - a nice break from pub food. Early night - tomorrow we travel 3-hours by bus to meet the rest of the group in Bunratty!

[priscila-runs]

Week 4 micro log to observe, track, adjust my daily activities. I’d like to do this again next week because week 4 has been FUNKY. Our fridge broke down at the beginning of august and much to our absolute surprise and dismay, the property manager replaced it with a critter-infested fridge. This means that for the past couple weeks we’ve had roaches Trojan horse their way into our kitchen and personal space lol. Not good. We threw out most of the opened containers and saved what we could in coolers while we waited for a new fridge (which was a battle bc landlords in TX are not fun) and in the meantime took to eating out a lot, which, to no one’s surprise, led to very few affordable and healthy meals. A heartbreak for its own reasons. It’s been an interesting adventure. Fast forward ⏩ again to today and we are now in the clear with a new fridge and (fumigated) reclaimed personal space lol. Keep in mind that my log below was in the midst of this funhouse adventure.

Monday morning: exhausted, did not have the energy to wake up at 5AM. I think it’s because my LR was yesterday (like every Sunday so far), and I went to bed at 10:30, an hour and a half late! Ran my five miles at lunchtime today on the treadmill with great success! One perk of the treadmill is that it keeps you right on pace. Had sweet potato, beans and rice bowl with pumpkin seeds, spinach and lemon salad for dinner at a place called Honest Mary’s. Will try again for their wide variety of other bowl options.

Tuesday: Last night went to bed at 9:30, score. Woke up at 5:10, it’s now 5:15AM and I’m feeling much better than I did yesterday morning but muscles definitely a little tight. 3 miles today.

Tues night: actually just ran 1 mile bc groin area felt strained. I started feeling hesitant about running hard so I turned back. Going to bed at 9:30 and doing a tempo workout tomorrow. I promised myself that I will adjust my schedule THIS WEEK.

Wed morning: woke up less tired at 5:15. Headed out the door at 5:35 and did a tempo workout with just coffee. 🥵 I’m starting to get a hold of my Wednesday morning routine, which is good bc it’s the one I want to prioritize bc Wednesday is speed day.

Wednesday night successfully went to bed at 9PM!

Thursday morning woke up at 5:30, crap. But went out the door by 5:45 giving me plenty of time to do three miles at 8 min pace. Tumble 22 for dinner. I’m not aware of fried chicken sandwiches being on a dietitian’s meal plan 🤷‍♀️ but I fkn love fried chicken sandwiches so I said what the hell. At least I subbed the fries for potato salad 😇 It was a very enjoyable meal.

Friday: feeling great this morning. Five miles at 8:25 pace 🥵 Pizza for dinner! Ate the crust, which, I’m ashamed to admit, is a new endeavor for me.

Saturday. Today is dad’s birthday so I’m driving to see the family and celebrate. Hoping to do a long run there but his town is so small that I’d probably need to loop the town and back to do the full 12 miles. Rest day today.

Sunday: I surprised my dad with a margarita machine for his 60th birthday party. It was a blast until I realized it was midnight. I went to bed and while I did not do my long run (sad) I did wake up at 4AM to watch the Perseid meteor shower on the trampoline in complete solitude. One thing I love about the hill country is the night sky. Star gazing is an activity I’ve always treasured here for as long as I can remember. Therefore, the timing of my trip on the night of the showers was perfect. Those 30 minutes were remarkable.

I DIGRESS.

I adjusted my schedule this week per my promise to self. I now have speed days on Thursdays, rest day on Mondays and easy runs on Wednesdays. Hopeful that this adjustment will give me room to breathe during the work week and allow Thursdays the crucial concentration needed for building speed 😈 Gave the Hoka Mach 5s a try and they are great for long runs 👌 however, my Nike Pegasus, which I’ve had for a year or so, are the darlings✨ Wide toe box yet narrow, and not a lot of heel height, perfect for my silly little overpronating feet.

I’m curious about trying a pair of Mizunos next. Anyone out there tried?

[pblair9]

Pedro's English Golf and hockey Blog

I am going to blog about my high school golf season. This year I am currently playing on the Centennial Varsity High school golf team.

4/26

Today was are first golf match of the season and let me tell ya it was a great one. We played at a very nice course Golden Valley country club. We teed off for a shotgun start at about 11:00 am. It was a little chilly today but not to bad at a temperature of 48 degrees. Today I couldn't of started off with a better start then I did I shot a 74. But not a normal 74 all over the place with a eagle, lots of birdies, and a couple of double bogeys but hey don't get me wrong I was pumped with the round I shot escpecially on the very quick greens.

This evening I had my first skills skate in awhile which was pretty fun. I skated at the Lumberyard in Stillwater which is a really cool mini 3 on 3 rink. Today though for the skills skate we just kinda went back to the basics and just getting the hands good again cause like I said it has been awhile since I had one. So basically we worked all different variations of stick handling in tight and awkward situations and then having to get a shot off right after or make a move on the goalie. It was actually a pretty light skate and fun to be back out there again.

5/1

Let's just say Rush creek golf course got me today. It was not a lovely day on the golf course today with crazy 30 mph winds blowing in our faces. I just couldn't found my game today swing just never felt great felt like I just couldn't find a fairway or green but once I got to the green I was actually able to putt so there was one positive. But I ended shooting a very rough score of 86.

Hockey today was great but also exhausting. Today I skated with my skating coach at fogerty ice arena and let me tell ya those are the hardest skates you’ll do. You start with a warmup and usually when you do a warmup you’d think it would be easy no it is the opposite of that it is very difficult. We worked on being explosive out of turns and getting our head around to see and scan the ice in front of you. But it’s been awhile since I’ve had a skating practice but it was fun but difficult see ya next time on the blog!!

5/3

Royal golf club one word to describe is beautiful. But past that gosh did I love that course. But to the golf I started out really well thru 11 was -2 which was really good but my round took a turn very quickly. I mean there was a reason why it took a turn and it was because I got drafted in the USHL by the Chicago Steel and I was just so happy I couldn't focus back and it ended up shooting a 82 but to be honest besides my score it was a great day of golf and getting drafted. Also forgot to add this is a two day tournament which i'll add to the blog tomorrow after the 2nd day of the tournament.

We were back to lumberyard this morning. We were with skills coach Scott Bond and we were working on keeping our head up while still having our feet moving and having  quick hands. Today there were a couple of us at the session so it was fun to see everyone that got back from juniors to come home and skate. It’s always great skating with others because they make you better and it is fun to compete with others. After the skate they have a really nice shooting area so me and a couple of the guys went back there to really dial in our shots and releases.

5/4

Today was the day of our 2nd round of the border battle tourney at Troy burn a wonderful course. But even though I came into today with a positive attitude just felt like I could never get my game on track swing never felt great and my putts were always tracking just seemed like one of those days where putts don't want to drop. But hey its golf can't be great every tournament or let alone money but great course to play on today just my game couldn't match.

Hockey this evening was at Centennial high school with one of my friends dads running the skate named Jesse Ramirez. His skates are always a great high intensity with a lot of skill type of skate . Just working on really getting your feet moving and having your hands be able to keep up. We finished the skate with a little 4 on 4 scrimmage to end off the day like we usually do with those skates which was really fun my team ended up winning so I didn't have to do the terrible forfeit that you have to do for losing.

5/7

Played TPC this morning with my buddy Hayden and his dad Jason. We always do some type of betting on the course today we did 5 dollars a 9 winner takes all. I mean today I thought I played good just my game got good a little too late I shot a 78 was even thru the last 15 holes so my first 3 holes really screwed me over for trying to win money but I can’t really complain cause Hayden shot 70 and Jason shot 73 so they both played really good rounds so at least I didn’t lose to scores that weren’t to great. Just shows being on time can be too late when others start of early.

Today I didn’t skate on ice but I played my first roller session of the year and to be honest at this time in the year nothing can beat playing roller hockey doesn’t get better than it. Roller hockey is really fun cause it’s a complete different game it is all about patience and making really good hockey plays. And the group out there are great players few younger guys like my age and then the rest are guys who are older that we’re really good players when they were younger. We play roller at the hippodrome in white bear it’s a legendary mini rink I believe it’s the oldest indoor hockey rink in the metro.

5/10

Played golf at Keller this afternoon really sweet course in the Maplewood area. I’d say it’s one of the most underrated course around here cause not many play it a lot but gosh is it a really nice course i believe even back in the 40’s there was a pga tournament here which is really sweet. But on to my round it was a really back and forth round. I would have really good holes then right after I would just have a blowup hole so it felt like I could never get in rhythm and couldn’t make many putts which resulted in me shooting a 84.

For hockey had my first game in awhile it’s a showcase at Doug Woog arena with are high schools section they take the top 20 kid and build a team to play others teams. From here you can get selected to play in the NIT tournament where they take the top 20 guys from the showcase this weekend and play others teams across the country trying to win the NIT tournament. But today we had 1 game first game with a bunch of random guys is always pretty sloppy and hectic but came the third period are team started to get under control and we took the lead with 5 minutes left and ended up winning which was exciting.

5/16

Loggers trail. Today was I don’t even know how to explain it basically all over the place. Had a really rough morning couldn’t wake up kept falling asleep completely forgetting I had a match at 9 this morning until I look at the clock and it was 8:30 and I was like shoot I have a golf tourney in 30 minutes I better get going. Well I made but definitely not early I was there 2 minutes before my tee time and had no warmup so I had no expectations going into this round I was hey if I shoot anything decent I’m happy cause I’m already all over the place and I did exactly that so I’m not to mad I ended up shooting a 81 which isn’t great but isn’t terrible under my circumstances.

Didn’t have hockey today but went and watched some games this evening at the nahl showcase with my buddies. Which was pretty fun  the games were really close and intense cause they are playing in the finals of the Robertson cup to win it all in the NAHL. After that we went and got some food at Leann chin which is one of my favorites. After we ate we all went to my friend Jacks house and just chilled. So today was a pretty good day of just chilllllllingggg!!!!

5/18

Road trip to brainerd with the golf team today. Today I won’t be saying anything about hockey because there is no hockey that happened today but we’ll be just talking about our first on the Brainerd golf road trip. We started on the road early at 10 am after having to show up to school at 9 too pack all the cars with us and are luggage and golf bags. But I road in the car with Harper, Hayden, and Flint which was a fun car ride we just ate food and talked about all the stories over the years so the trip was made quick with a lot of laughter. Then we showed up to the golf course where we were going to play are first round of the trip.

First round of the trip was a really sweet par 3 course to start off the week fun and compete amongst the guys. We brought up 9 guys so we split the teams into 3 where I played with flint and cooper. Let’s just say it was a butt killing to the other teams and they had no chance. We all played great we’re making everything and hitting every green where no one else could compete with us. So the first day of the road trip I would say was great.

5/23

He we are today back at the staple of where I play my best. That is indeed victory links. Victory links is basically where I play my golf everyday in the summer with my buddies so I know the course like the back of my hand so I was really excited to play today. I shot a 77 today 6 over which to be honest I’m happy with but I could’ve shot a much lower score but some putts just didn’t want to drop today to really help my score but are team in general today played really well finishing in third place which is really exciting. Today my good friend Hayden had a really good day on the golf course shooting 1 under which got him in third place.

Today was the start of the NIT tournament which was really cool to see my name be selected for the second year in a row. Lot of familiar faces on the team from just playing with and against over all the years of youth and high school hockey. To say the least today was one of my better games in a while which was great ended up talking to a couple of college coaches after the game which is always exciting and excited to keep in touch with them. But are team one with a score of 7-2 which we pretty much beat up on the team the whole day so first day of NIT was definitely a success.

[dzpenumbra]

5/2/23

Good lord I'm tired. I slept like shit again. Really bad this time. Only like 5 hours total. And a very intense yoga routine. But... I did finish this...

So... not all is lost. I spent pretty much the whole day on it.

I don't really have much to say tonight, I'm just beyond exhausted. I need to find something to help sleep. And again, I've been too afraid of smoking weed. So... I think I'm going to find a good day with good vibes and get something immersive like minecraft set up and then smoke a little bit and see how I handle it, just to get reacquainted. And if it freaks me out, then figure out an alternative.

Again, really weird to be this scared of weed when I smoked every single night for months before I moved in here, and smoked every single night for the first like... 2 months that I was here. But my tolerance is 100% gone, I guarantee it. So... I'm a bit worried about getting hit really hard by it.

You know... when I was 17, I got my parents to buy me beer. Coors Original, I didn't even know beer or anything, I just wanted to drink. And I went walking into town with 2 Nalgenes full of Coors in my backpack, walking barefoot with a skate t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off and cargo shorts. When I got into town, I was pretty much done with the first Nalgene and had a good solid buzz going, and my friends pulled up when I was walking past a gas station. They were in their hippie van, they had an extra ticket to the Deep Purple and Joe Satriani show they were going to and wanted to see if I wanted to come with. And I, of course, without hesitation, said yes. And off we went. And I remember being in the parking lot, getting out of the van, chugging the last of my beer and eating a piece of pizza, walking barefoot across this asphalt parking lot. And when we got into the show, we went up to the barricade that separated the "lawn seats" and the actual... seats. And some couple came up to me and my friend, they were leaving and offered us... I shit you not... free second-row seats. And they insisted, so we took them. And I didn't even know the music, I didn't even know I was going to be there!

I used to be spontaneous. I used to say "yes". And now? I'm scared of smoking weed because it might give me a waking nightmare. And I'm often scared to go to sleep because it might give me a... sleeping nightmare. And it makes me understand part of what they mean when they say "oh, to be a kid again." It's not just the wonder and curiosity... it's the naiveté. Car accidents, diseases, mob violence, traumatic shit... those are things you see on the news (I guess today's analog would be social media), those are things that happen in movies and stories and games, those are things that happen to other people. They're removed. And it creates this sense of invulnerability.

To be completely honest, I saw a lot of this in the pandemic. A lot was denial, but that whole attitude of... "well, I'm not gonna get it", "well I don't know anyone who got it", "everyone I know who got it was fine". With the ones whose critical thinking can override their pride, once they see what it's capable of after it strikes close to home? They start taking shit seriously.

Idk, maybe a bad example, but it's something. Point being... I miss being that carefree, and all the good that came with it. I went from whitewater kayaking the day after a hurricane (which was unfathomably dangerous and I would not do again) to being afraid to smoke weed alone in my apartment on a monday afternoon. Or even at 4 AM to help with sleep.

Why? I don't even know. The emotion is just too strong, I guess.

I'm not going to solve this tonight, I just wanted to bring it up again for the umpteenth time. Weed has been a reliable remedy to help with sleep. I think it has to do with suppressing dreams. But I just don't want to wake up after 3 hours, sleep deprived, groggy, hearing weird noises coming from my super loud neighbors, still very high, and start freaking out. I just don't want to absorb that feeling of vulnerability. So, basically... if it works... I will sleep great and a ton of my recurring problems will be remedied. If it doesn't... I will have a waking nightmare for a few hours that's worse than me trying to sleep without weed. Worth the gamble?

If only I had literally anything in place as a contingency plan for freaking out. Like... anything. A happy place. Maybe that can be my thing to work on tomorrow, make a fucking happy place.

I am actually nodding off. I'm out.

[venicebitch00]

Hi can you do a jackass one about Johnny x yn

It can be Literally about anything up to you 💕

Mad About You

summary: at night out with the jackass guys shows you that your feelings for the crew's leader may not be totally unreciprocated

pairings: johhny knoxville x fem!reader

a/n: thank you so much for requesting! i haven't been writing as much recently, so i hope i was still able to do this justice <3 requests are still open!

warnings: strong language, mentions of drinking/alcohol, making out

You flopped down on your bed, letting out a long dramatic sigh while doing so. Every single part of your body ached and throbbed. Ever since dawn this morning you have been out filming and doing crazy stunts for the new “Jackass” movie. You loved your job, you really did but sometimes, on days like today you wished you had listened to your parents and gone to medical school instead.

And of course, to top off your already exhausting day, Pontius suggested that the crew “go out for some drinks”, which in Jackass language translated to getting totally fucked up and partying till 4 in the morning. Normally on days like this, you would have just declined and got a well-needed rest, however, you had bailed on them the past few nights and felt guilty to do it again. You would also be lying to yourself if you said it had nothing to do with seeing a certain sailor hat-wearing costar of yours.

So with an exasperated groan, you got out of bed and began to get ready. After a steaming shower, your mood began to slightly improve. You meticulously chose your outfit for the night, a habit you felt yourself doing every time you planned on seeing him. It was embarrassing really, I mean having a hopeless crush on your older coworker, how disgustingly cliché was that? There were times when you thought your little crush maybe reciprocated, like when he would casually drape his arm over you while talking to the guys, or in conversations when you would call you “doll” or “darlin” in passing. But, you always tell yourself, even if he did feel the same way, nothing could ever happen, it would be too risky.

You managed to decide on an outfit that highlighted your features perfectly, and although you certainly didn’t feel the best, you were able to admit that you looked smokin’. After looking at the clock, you realized that you were 20 minutes late already, so you quickly hurried out the door. Luckily the bar the guys chose was within easy walking distance to your apartment.

“Well look you finally decided to show up” you heard Jeff’s voice say as soon as you got in.

“You know me, Jeff, always gotta be a little fashionably late” you teased back.

“Yeah cut them some slack Jeff, it’s a miracle they didn’t bail on us again” you saw Chris Pontius begin to approach you, “You look smoking hot by the way” the man said as he gave you a quick hug, admiring your figure.

“Thanks, Chris” you giggled and gave him a peck on the cheek.

“Let’s get you some drinks, yeah?” The party boy escorted you to the bar, where you were greeted by Steveo.

“Yeahhh you finally came !” the shaved head man cheered.

“I figured I’d grace you all with my presence for just another night” you laughed.

“and we are very grateful you did” Pontius added.

“So what can I get the pretty lady to drink?” you swiveled your head around to see the one and only Johnny Knoxville wearing his signature Chuck Taylor’s and aviator sunglasses. You felt your stomach already doing flips at the sight of him.

“Vodka Cranberry” you managed to cough out, trying to regain your composure.

“Coming right up” the man winked at you, and you swore you could of fainted right there.

As Johnny left to go fix your drink, you stayed behind and chatted with the rest of the guys. You could tell they were already pretty wasted. The music was too loud and the lights were flashing, making your head throb. This was going to be a long night.

“Here’s your drink, sweetheart” Johnny stood behind you, handing the drink over your shoulder. You could practically feel his warm breath on your neck, as you accepted the drink. “You look great, by the way” he murmured into your ear.

You tried to fight the blush you felt rushing to your cheeks, “Thanks, Knoxville, you clean up pretty well yourself”, to which he let out a hearty laugh.

As the night raged on you felt yourself getting more and more exhausted, all you wanted to do was curl up in your bed and sleep for the next 15 hours. You were about to get up and say your goodbyes, until you felt someone take a seat on the barstool next to you.

“You look like a sad puppy sitting here all by yourself” Johnny pointed out.

“Yeah, I guess I’m not really in the partying mood tonight” you let out a dry chuckle, “I think I’m just gonna head out” you began to stand up, grabbing your bag.

“Wait, hey, let me walk you home at least”

“Oh, no I’m fine, really, it’s only a couple blocks away”

“C’mon Y/N it’s 1 am, I’m not letting you walk home alone” Johnny scoffed.

“You really don’t ha-“

“This isn’t up for debate, now let’s go” he put his hand on the small of your back and began to usher you out.

As you and Johnny said your goodbyes to the rest of the crew, you couldn’t help but notice the speculative glances and giggles of the guys, as they saw the two of you leave together. What the hell has gotten into them?

Walking home with Johnny was peaceful, neither of you talked much, but you didn’t mind. That was one of the things you liked about Johnny so much, you never felt awkward or out of place around him.

“God, it’s fucking freezing” you shivered, wrapping your arms around yourself.

“Here take this” Johnny began to take off his leather jacket.

“No, no I’m fine!” you tried to insist.

“Too late now” he chuckled, as he had already carefully draped his jacket over your shoulders.

“Well now you are going to be freezing”, now that he didn’t have his jacket on you could see his perfectly toned arms and stomach, accentuated by the tight T-shirt he was wearing.

“Nah, don’t worry about me, I’m warm blooded” he winked.

You couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness as you reached your apartment, knowing that your intimate time with your long-time crush was now over.

“Do you wanna maybe come in and have a drink?” you mentally facepalmed at the suggestive connotation your invitation had, hoping he didn’t pick up on it.

“Yeah, sure that sounds nice,” he smiled. You immediately regretted your invitation as soon as you opened your door. You completely forgot that your apartment was a complete mess because you’ve been so busy with filming, however he didn’t seem to notice.

“So, what can I get you, I’m going to be honest I don’t have that many options” you let out an awkward laugh.

“Water is just fine” he smiled up at you.

“Good cause that is just about the only thing I have right now”

After grabbing some bottles from the fridge, you took a seat next to Johnny. “God I’m exhausted” you groaned, while throwing your head back on the couch.

“Tell me about it,” he chuckled “you were great though today, I mean we got some really killer footage”

“And I only came out of it minorly concussed” you pointed out, which caused Johnny to chuckle. “I have to say I’m not looking forward to tomorrow, though” you groaned, talking about the insane stunt that Jeff somehow convinced you to do.

“You know you don’t have to do it, I could tell Jeff to find someone else” Johnny reminded.

“Why do you always do that?”

“Do what?”

“Whenever I’m about to do a stunt it’s like you always try to get me to back out, you never do that to the rest of the guys”

“Well maybe I don’t see you like the rest of the guys”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” you raised up an eyebrow, challenging him to go further.

“It means” Johnny paused, was he really about to do this right now? It’s now or never he thought. “It means that you’re special to me, okay? You’re special to me and I really really like you, hell I’m in love with you, alright?” he rambled.

You were in utter shock to say the least. You stared at him for a while, trying to comprehend what exactly you just heard.

“You know, it would be pretty nice if you would say something,” the man laughed awkwardly. However, still afraid of what would come out of your mouth if you dared to speak, you slowly began to lean forward.

You found your hand carefully cupping his cheek, as you leaned even further. Softly your lips grazed his own. It was slow and soft at first, the both of you still hesitant. Eventually, the kiss became more heated and intense, years of pent up tension finally overflowing.

You could feel Johnny’s rough hands grabbing your waist like a lifeline, as yours traveled further up into his hair, which elicited a groan from the man .

“God you are so fucking beautiful” he sighed as his lips moved further down your neck, leaving little hickeys as he went.

“Wait, Johnny” you started to pull away from his right grasp to get a good view of his face.

“What, is everything okay?”

“No, everything’s perfect, I just wanted to tell you I’m mad about you too”.

[pandoraslove]

Rumor Had It 

Finn Shelby x Reader (Part 3)

summary: Y/n has a rough family history, not knowing whether to contact her brother after he sends her a letter... Finn helps her out and So does the rest of the Shelby family, Little did she know her brother tied her back to them as well. 

She was exhausted. The walk back home felt like it took an eternity. She always forgot to lock the door so it was almost always open. Finn and y/n both walked in the house and they both sat on the couch. 

“you really don’t have to stay...” Y/n says. 

“what if I want to?” He says. 

“Then you are sleeping on the couch.” She says yawning and walking into to the kitchen. she grabbed a glass of water and drank all of it. She walked back out and saw Finn simply laying down on the couch. “I was joking come on.” He follows her to her room and then both lay down. after a while neither of them fell asleep so y/n turned over to face him. 

“Why’d you help me today?” she asks softly. 

“you’re too pretty to die falling in that river.” Finn says turning to look at her as he said it. 

“Ha ha. funny.” she whispers.

“why were you there?” 

“I used to go there to calm down when I was younger, it was a little prettier back then.” she tells him. 

“and you needed to calm down today?” 

“I guess.” she sighs, “I think I’m leaving Birmingham.” 

“Why?” he asks getting up slightly putting his head on hand. 

“I have nothing keeping me here, I might as well leave.” 

“To somewhere you don't know anybody?” Finn asks, she stays quiet. “Is staying here really that bad?” 

“It’s difficult to explain, Finn. I feel like no one needs me here. like I’m better off leaving.”

“Are you an only child?” 

“No, I have an older brother but I don't think he’d care about me.” 

“Why not.” 

“The last time I say him I was 6. He walk right past me and wouldn’t recognize me.”

“hmm. and you’re mad at hime because of that?” 

“I’m mad because he’s had 5 years to contact me. but instead he spent them away from me because my mother told him to, I’ve known for the last 4 years. An entire year after his return.” 

“He’s your brother maybe let him explain himself then judge him after that.” she hummed closing her eyes and letting herself fall asleep. she never had trouble sleeping, she loved sleeping. it was an escape for her.

…………………….…………………….…………………….

the next morning Finn woke up before y/n and decided to grab some biscuits and tea from a bakery not far from her apartment. when he came back he set everything down and went to wake her up. He walked in and she was simply laying there watching the ceiling.

“Good morning,” He said, leaning against the door frame. 

“Morning.” she replied. “Where’d you go?” 

“To get some breakfast it’s on the table, come on.” Y/n was wearing a short night gown she had changed into in the middle of the night. She followed Finn and they both sat on the small table. 

“I think I’m going to talk to him...” Y/n said quietly. She took a small bite out of her muffin, as Finn looked at her.

“Who?” He asks. 

“Freddie- My brother.” she had stayed up most of the night contemplating whether or not to do it. He’s the only family she has left and she never much liked being lonely.

…………………….…………………….…………………….

It’s been 4 days, 4 days since she sent a letter back stating that if he truly wanted to talk then they should meet today at the river their father used to take them to. She’s been feeling a little less alone the last week, she's been spending time with Finn and Isiah, Polly talked to her the day after then incident and Y/n opened up. Polly comforted the way she wished her own mother had done. That night she stayed for dinner next to Finn and Isiah and saw how the Shelby family truly acted in the walls of their own home. Ada was the only one missing, but she didn’t ask where she’s gone to, since it wasn't any of her business. 

Y/n sat with her feet barely of the water, almost touching it. 

“Y/n?” She heard him say behind her. She stood up and faced him. He hasn’t changed very much. 

“Hi, Freddie.” she says, swallowing the knot in her throat, She didn’t know what to do or say. 

“you’re so... grown up now.” he says smiling slightly. 

“That’s what usually happens after not seeing someone for 10 years.” She didn’t bother masking her hurt and pain in her voice. 

“I’m sorry...” Freddie says, “At first it was just because I didn’t want to put you in any danger and then life just got a hell of a lot more complicated. And then mom... she said it wasn’t worth contacting you, that you’d made your choice to leave the family.” 

“...you were my best friend...” she mumbles. 

“I fucked up. I’m sorry.” He says putting his hands on her shoulders. 

“I’ll only forgive you on one condition...”

“what?” he asks. 

“Don’t leave me again. please.” She says into his chest hugging him. His arms wrap around her small frame. 

“I, Freddie Thorne, Promise to never abandon you again.” She giggle slightly at his elegant way of saying his promise, but hugged him tighter none the less. 

“I have someone I want you to meet.” He says. 

“Who?” 

“My wife and son.” Freddie led y/n through Watery Lane with his arm around her shoulder. She should of known who his wife was by the time they walked through Polly’s front door. 

“Ada meet Y/n, my sister.” He said right when they walked into view of everyone there. And of course to her luck everyone was there, even Thomas, Micheal, and Isiah. she stood there frozen, Freddie noticed her tense state.

“I’m guessing you know what family she belongs to?” He asks with a small reassuring smile. 

“that, and I already know all of them...” she says sheepishly. 

“How?” He says.

“Thats a long story not one for today or ever for that matter...” she smiles up at him. “now you said you have a son?” 

“Karl.” Freddie says and a little boy ran up to him. He had blue eyes but his face was just like Freddie’s also meaning he looked exactly like their father. 

“He looks like him.” She says quietly. 

“You never said Freddie Thorne was you brother.” Polly says. 

“I didn’t think he was your in law. I honestly would have stayed away if I’d known.” They laugh. 

“Well I guess now you’re officially a part of this family since you are Ada’s sister in law.” Tommy says. 

“Doesn’t Ada have to decide whether she likes me or not? She could hate me for all I know, I would not stay somewhere I am hated.” 

“Don’t worry, I like you, You’re a part of this family now.” 

“fun.” she says sitting down next to Finn and Isiah. 

“Welcome to family, Y/n.” Finn says. 

“Why, Thank you, Finnegan.” She says, making Finn roll his eyes. Her and Isiah laughed. 

“So, where have you been staying since...” Freddie asks sitting next to Ada with Karl on his lap. 

“I got a small place near The Garrison.” 

“Mom said you live with a boy.” He said, scowling a little. 

“I did, but I dumped him and moved out, He bother me for a while but I threatened to cut his dick off if he didn’t leave me alone.” 

“He didn’t call your bluff?” He says in a bit of a jokingly manner. 

“who said anything about it being a bluff?”

“I doubt you have the balls to do it.” He says challenging her. 

“I wouldn’t mind cutting yours off, I’m more than okay only having Karl as a nephew.” She says staring at him directly in the eyes with a small sinister smile. 

“Do you not want anymore nephews or nieces?” Freddie asks changing the subject. She laughs a little.

“I think Ada is more than capable of finding another... sperm donor.” She says leaning back, ada laughed along with polly.

“So unladylike.” Freddie says shaking his head jokingly.

“you’re right I’m not a lady, I am a woman. Why would I ever want to be lady like, it sounds so... imprisoning.” she says with a funny face of disgust. For some reason Karl laughed making her laugh as well. She was leaning her head against Finns shoulder. 

“God, I wish I would’ve written sooner.” He says. 

“Don’t dwell on the past, it’s not worth it, we’re here now aren’t we?” She says sighing slightly. 

“right.” Freddie says. 

“I’ve heard that there’s this job opening at a dress shop nearby, I applied earlier today.” y/n tell Finn, but of course everyone was listening. 

“What position is it?” Arthur asks. 

“I’d be sewing and fixing clothes in the back or Designing dresses, skirts, trousers, stuff like that.” 

“You’ve always been good with a needle and thread.” Fred says. She nods. 

“Because of that simple skill, I've been able to make clothes last longer.” 

“So, you’ll definitely get the job.” Thomas says. 

“IF all goes well then yes, but if not I think I’ll leave Birmingham for a while.��� 

“Leave Birmingham?” Polly asks. 

“Maybe... I’m not sure, I’ll always come back but London sounds amazing.” 

“You’re staying here.” Freddie and Finn says at the same time.

“You can’t force me to stay.” she sighs. 

“I’m your older brother, you’re staying.” he says giving me the hard eye which she hold. 

“shush Freddie, you’re weaker than a mouse against a snake, I’ll have you on the ground in seconds.” she says.

“Cocky much.” 

“I guess it’s because I’ve got a much bigger one.” everyone laughs at my comeback. 

“You and your weird words.” Freddie sighs, “I’m sending you to a convent.” 

“Over my hot dead body, you weirdo.” she shrieks loudly, Tommy and Arthur smirk, John laughs, and Polly and Ada watch us bicker in amusement.

“I’m joking, but you’re coming to live with me and Ada.” 

“I like my home here thank you very much.” 

“you’re alone here.” 

“No, I’m not, I’ll be fine, I’ve managed so far.” she say. 

“And school?” 

“I finished early.” 

“how?” 

“I got all my work sorted out before leaving, my diploma is under my bed.” 

“you didn’t tell us that.” Polly says. She has become a little bit of a maternal figure. 

“It’s not that big of a deal.” 

“You graduated early... It’s a bit of a big deal. especially in this family.” Tommy says. y/n smiles at them. Freddie watched her interact with everyone, It felt nice being surrounded by them all.