#to this moment i'm still shocked
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This moment is deeper than ANYTHING. Atsushi is actually trusting Akutagawa here, in this very moment. He's opening up about his deepest secret, that no one else knows. And he CHOSE to reveal it to Akutagawa. His sworn enemy. His rival. This is such a PEAK moment.
#i'm so proud of atsushi for finally opening up about his hallucinations#he didn't need to say anything to akutagawa#akutagawa hadn't asked for this specifically#but atsushi still trusted him with the details#and akutagawa was actually shocked#he really wasn't expecting atsushi to feel that way#the way he turned in the direction atsushi pointed at#peak moment#this is top 5 sskk scenes#atsushi opening up and akutagawa not judging or criticising him#it's so beautiful#bsd#bsd s3#bsd manga#sskk#shin soukoku#atsushi nakajima#bungou stray dogs#akutagawa ryuunosuke#sskk s3
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blade, superspeed superstar investigative extraordinaire (flinging entire men around since , uh, Saia)
#i love the way he casually GRABS eiden and yakumo and just launches into the sky#one-handed grab and go#doesn't even slow down. doesn't need to pause and readjust his stance or whatever#just straight up FULL SPEED (no change in trajectory) YOINKED#i know that rei said 'take us there' and blade immediately took off with yakumo#but doesn't that mean that eiden and rei have to follow on foot? behind them? at non-edroid speeds?#maybe blade was being considerate and only jumped rooftops at 1/3 his normal speed#so eiden and rei could keep up#also so yakumo could stay at least minimally coherent and not vomiting from motion sickness#no point in asking yakumo to lead them to the shop if the yakumo in question is passed out from shock#i joked to myself about blade's easy yoinking foreshadowing his grand final yoink moment with yakumo#but i'm gonna have to reread those scenes... i'm still not 90% clear on what happened#ugh wtf why are they all so cute. cloaca crew so dear to me. so silly. so . treasure#puzzling invitation#nu carnival blade#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival rei#nu carnival eiden
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more wow stream gifs woaaahhh!!!
(day 4)
(day 5)
#i watched the vods whilst i was drawing/gaming so... i hope i didn't miss any notable moments...#BUT ALSO I DIDNT PLAN ON MAKING GIFS BUT THEN DOUG WAS LOOKING STUNNING SO I COUOLDN'T RESIST...#DAMN YOU YOU BEAUTIFUL MAN#dougdoug#parkzer#own#my gif#doug gifs#gif maker ramblings: FIRST GIFSET MADE SOLELY USING PHOTOPEA LETS GOOOOO#i feel like i still haven't quite found my style yet... but wow gifmaking is so much easier now#who would've thought that using a professional program would be superior to using a simple software abandoned in 2015!!! shocking#now i think i just need to find a better way to record gifs... but for now i'm happy
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me after finishing act 2 of arcane season 2
#i have more coherent thoughts on the show i swear#but right now#i'm still feeling the shock of those final moments in episode 2x06 and had to express it somehow#watching arcane#arcane netflix#arcane league of legends#arcane lol#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane spoilers#spoilers
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ALSO YOU KNOW THE WORST PART? A lot of us were thinking Moon could be snapped out of it, if he saw Sun/one of his family members get hurt or killed by his actions -- but now we know NO, THAT'S WRONG, he's perfectly willing to kill his own family members with his own hands and he won't bat an eye!!
#the sun and moon show#sun and moon show#tsams moon#I don't know how to feel about this turn of events I'm still processing#I'm not sure if I like this#But right now in the moment it was a shock#not entirely in a good “oh I enjoy this” kind of way
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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q!Fit "because... gosto de você" and q!Pac "gosta de mim?! gosto de você também" it's now part of my brain
#qsmp#i can't stop thinking about it#i saw this moment live I WAS THERE and still not processed it all#after the shock of happiness my mind felt i think i'm finally coming back to my senses#hideduo#fitpac
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kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....
#bungou stray dogs#been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me))#cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands)#but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people#first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now#he was groomed since childhood just like dazai#but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there#and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong#but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself#which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong#and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia...#and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO#where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!!#it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay.#chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself#and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him.#didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!!#i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess#and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just#One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall#he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!!#there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma#and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc#it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!!#even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man#both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation#i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda#and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death#oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)
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I always say the shingles saga as an immunocompromised sixteen-year-old was my near-death experience but then my mom will occasionally make musings of the time my heart stopped when I was 8 and I'm like oh yeah that happened
#supraventricular tachycardia#technically it wasn't the SVT that did it that was doing the oppsite and making my heart beat AT LEAST two hundred BPM#(machines at the time didn't go past two hundred BPM so we have no way of knowing how fast my heart rate actually was)#it was the adenosine they gave me to TREAT the SVT that caused my heart to stop lmfao whoops#it wasn't for very long but my mother can't tell me how long it was bc she said her heart was stopping in that moment too#it didn't take long for my heart rate to shoot back up to two hundred beats per minute tho#the uncomfy part of remembering all this is that I was conscious and cognizant of all of it as it happened#my heart stopped but my brain still was functioning and at no point during this crisis was I sedated#so I'm just lying in bed terrified as I watch my heartbeats on the monitor go from two hundred to the tens to single digits in the span of.#...fast#I blocked the memory out for a years until I read the account of a girl whose was awake when they used the heart shock paddles on her#and was violently thrust into my 8 year old body clutching the hospital bed watching the heart monitor rapidly ticked down#when the flashback was over I assumed I was over empathizing with the story but when I asked my mom she said that's exactly how it happened#we both recall shock paddles being pulled out at some point but they were never used#i don't remember if that was during the adenosine tho or at some other point during the emergency#as far as I know shock paddles aren't actually used to restart flatlined hearts like on tv#they may have been pulled out before or after to shock my heart out of tachycardia but again were never actually used#anyway fucking wow it's always interesting to remember this factoid of my silly life#near death experience#if you think it's weird my mom will bring it up out of the blue I'm ninety nine percent certain she has PTSD from this event#she's more traumatized than I am about it at any rate. like I said I have to be reminded it even happened#medical trauma
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my roman empire is the look™️ 12 gives missy when he realizes she's the mistress
#the absolute look of like terror and shock and devastation in his eyes#the way he recognizes in an INSTANT the moment in clicks#and his whole face like drops?#give that man an oscar#or a bafta#i don't know#but GODDAMN peter capaldi can act#i mean imagine seeing your weird ex you're still in love with after they kissed you and turned the world into robots#god i'm losing my MIND#doctor who#dr who#dw#12th doctor#twelfth doctor#the doctor#missy#missy!master#missy doctor who#the master#twissy#the doctor x the master#doctor x master#12th doctor x missy
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Do you take commissions? If so, do you have a commission sheet? I’m sorry if this is an annoying ask I just really love your work lol
not annoying at all! i really really appreciate this a lot, thank you!
i have done commissions in the past on other platforms, but for now i am not taking them here. i'm not saying that i never will, because sometimes life is.. you know. Like That™️. but for now i'm steering clear of it to try and keep my passion up! 👍
#i also frankly think- and i don't say this to be rude- but i think that most folks in fandom would think my work is overpriced#because i charge somewhat more professional rates. still not a living wage. still not what you could get as a non-freelancer#(deleted a lot of rambling about prices here but if anyone does want to hear it i can go into it sometime)#kirby characters are generally far more simplistic so it would be a whole different pricing bracket#but i think expectations in fandom seem different to an original content community where people are doing this for a living#the one person i've commissioned in fandom i was so shocked at the rate i paid like... 500% what they asked me.#(that is not hyperbole. i 'tipped' 400% and it still felt like the bare minimum. you *must* tip undercharging artists.)#anyway. i have a lot of thoughts about monetising my art but at the moment this is still a no. i'm sorry!#i do really genuinely appreciate it though! if i ever open them i'll be sure to post here about it!#i'd also like to do art trades a little more regularly in the future (not rn) ; so there's that too? but we'll see. again i'll post about i#starflungs personal tag
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good lord my inbox is a mess lmao
#listen. i'll give my opinion if you all really want it#(but i have a feeling i should be taking all these asks in bad faith because you are trying to be obnoxious)#(but you know. benefit of the doubt.)#anyway. i'm inclined to believe joe is at least slightly left of center due to his previous posts about#blm abortion and gun control#but he's also a rich white man#with very little stake in all of this#so i wouldn't be shocked if he votes for trump in the end#regardless like...i grew up in the midwest surrounded by football culture my whole life#i would be extremely naive to go into this fandom thinking that all the players have the same progressive beliefs that i do#i'm not here to act like they're all flawless human beings whose beliefs and actions we should emulate#that is very much not why i'm here#i'm here for the Narratives#and because these guys are pretty to look at#and it's fun to imagine them sucking and fucking and being emotionally tender with each other :)#turning off anons until everyone can calm down and grow up a bit 👌#if you are one of my anons who sends me joe'marr moments i've missed or haven't seen yet#and don't want to reveal yourself#you can still send me stuff and i'll protect your identity 👍
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I just started listening to The Magnus Protocol at work (and two days later I'm all caught up 🥲) and I have to say, I was fully expecting to hate Gwen's guts for her terminal case of Snooty Rich Asshole™ but then, basically in her first real in depth introduction as a character, she hits us with
Lena: What do you actually want, Gwen?
Gwen: Your job. :)
And I gotta admit... it had me going
#tmp#tmp podcast#the magnus protocol#gwen bouchard#like dont get me wrong she's still kind of an asshole but... god damnit I'm a sucker for a confident to the point of cocky ass woman#i have to say she's definitely grown on me since then too bc I'm also a sucker for characters who learn the line between ambition and hubris#only after they've crossed way too far over that line to turn back#also i think her and alice should have raunchy sloppy borderline hate sex#i just think it would be some really constructive stress relief and also potentially very hot#especially if its a “heat of the moment” thing followed by both of them laying next to each other staring up at the ceiling in silent shock#mostly because i find that kind of situation both hot as much as i think its funny
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I honestly have no idea how Moon (this same Moon, New Moon) can come back from this, and be part of the family again when this is all over, now...
Aside from it being revealed to be virus fuckery where he's not fully in control, I genuinely don't see a way back for him now. Before, it might have been doable -- but now he's tried to kill Earth, succeeded in physically hurting her, and revealed he was willing to destroy everything. It's so over.
Which is just so painful to think about. The family bond was one of the best parts of the shows, and even if Moon snaps out of his spiral and remains the same character (aka he's still just New Moon and NOT replaced by Old Moon or fused with Old Moon to create Moon-V.3), the bond is never gonna be the same. Being the most generous, it'll take MONTHS at the very least for Moon to regain any semblance of the bond he had with them before.
(Dang. Christmas this year is gonna be a weird time for the TSAMS gang.)
#the sun and moon show#sun and moon show#TSAMS Moon#I don't know how to feel about this turn of events I'm still processing#I'm not sure if I like this#But right now in the moment it was a shock#not entirely in a good “oh I enjoy this” kind of way
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The Heir of Redclyffe is teaching me that what Little Women really needed was for the March sisters to have a clever, witty, sharp-tongued, disabled brother who was BFFs with Laurie.
#charles edmonstone my beloved#he's so much fun#and his friendship with guy is one of the best parts of the book#i'm shocked to see a victorian book where the disabled person is neither a monster nor a saint#the disability affects his life and the household but it's far from the only thing about him#he's a great character in his own right#he even has a plot-relevant illness#but the plot relevance isn't 'oh no he's near death let's have drama'#but 'he's having a flareup and can't write letters so someone loses a vital correspondant at an unfortunate moment'#(charles does later lampshade the lost opportunity for a dramatic deathbed reconciliation scene)#but anyway despite my continued comparisons of this book and little women#they are different books#aside from the laurie thing and the general family atmosphere and the moralizing mother figure there's quite a lot different#for one thing the male characters are much more interesting than most of the female ones#the girls are fine but certainly not the main draw of the story#i do like the religious aspect of this one more though#at first it was giving me anxiety cuz they agonize over teeny little sins#but once we moved from childish concerns to more adult ones the faith aspect became much deeper#still clunky and eye-rolling at times but also surprisingly natural in some places#and i'm still holding my breath for whatever made jo cry over this book#66% through the book; it's gotta be coming relatively soon#books#the heir of redclyffe#little women#charlotte mary yonge#louisa may alcott
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Part of me wonders if Hickey had killed enough before to become somewhat inured to the physical sensation of it?
Like he was so used to the feeling of plunging a knife into someone's body that when he did so to poor McDonald it didn't immediately register as unusual?
Which leads me to wonder in turn if the reason he does look momentarily shocked is less about the violence itself and more about being confronted so starkly by it?
The last person we know for sure that he killed was the real Cornelius Hickey and from his description of that act, I always imagine it as a very quick and frenzied attack akin to the one he inflicts on Irving. Real-Hickey is dead in the water without ever realising what just happened to him, and Fake-Hickey disappears into the night without ever having to look his poor victim in the face and confront what he's done.
McDonald's death stands in sharp contrast to that vision. No sooner has the violence been done than Hickey and he stand face to blood-streaked face. McDonald stares right at him - "his face a horrible question..." - understanding fully, if briefly, what Hickey has done to him. And Hickey is not only confronted with that understanding - with knowing that McDonald knows, if you will - but confronted with the very real and immediate consequences of his actions in a way that he perhaps hasn't been before (or at least hasn't for some time).
#Just some more thoughts#That's just the way I picture it anyway#I'm sure others will have tantalising headcanons about that particular unseen event#I'm just trying to find justification in my head for that moment of shock on his face#Again I just don't see how he can be surprised when he cut into the canvas knowing full well that there were still men on the other side#The Terror#The Terror AMC#Cornelius Hickey#Alexander McDonald
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